#and if you're not really allowed to kill for money how else are you supposed to pay the bills?

[mcflymemes]

THE DARK KNIGHT PROMPTS *  assorted dialogue from the 2008 film

what do you propose?

you know what i am?

you're garbage who kills for money.

i'm just ahead of the curve.

you know what i've noticed?

i promise you, the dawn is coming.

maybe we can share one.

the world is cruel, and the only morality in a cruel world is chance.

you crossed the line first.

this city just showed you that it's full of people ready to believe in good.

you have no idea.

criminals aren't complicated.

very poor choice of words.

that's a lot of money.

i want my phone call.

what happened to the rest of the guys?

you know they'll be doubling up.

you were the best of us.

think you're smart, huh?

well, hello beautiful.

what do you believe in?

nobody panics when things go according to plan.

sometimes the truth isn't good enough.

never start with the head.

i won't kill you because you're just too much fun.

i'm going to tell them the whole thing was your idea.

i don't want to kill you!

let's give someone else a chance.

why was it me who was the only one who lost everything?

see, i'm not a monster.

you look nervous.

upset the established order, and everything becomes chaos.

let me get this straight.

what did you do?

so why steal them?

a little fight in you. i like that.

what were you trying to prove?

you remind me of my father.

i think you and i are destined to do this forever.

all you care about is money.

i suppose they'll lock me up as well.

some men aren't looking for anything logical, like money.

i'm gonna make this pencil disappear.

can't rely on anyone these days.

we burned the forest down.

do you want to know why i use a knife?

they need you right now, but when they don't, they'll cast you out.

don't talk like one of them.

you either die a hero or you live long enough to see yourself become the villain.

let's put a smile on that face.

if i tell you, will you let me go?

i want you to do it.

if it's so simple, why haven't you done it already?

if you're good at something, never do it for free.

sometimes people deserve more.

you're a lucky man.

some men just want to watch the world burn.

this city deserves a better class of criminal.

what would i do without you?

why do you want to kill me?

i'm an agent of chaos.

there's somebody here for you.

you complete me.

don't talk like one of them.

you couldn't just let me go, could you?

they're only as good as the world allows them to be.

when the chips are down, these civilized people, they'll eat each other.

i'm gonna give it to them.

i just did what i do best.

what have you done with him?

they brought the body.

killing is making a choice.

you have all these rules and you think they'll save you.

why so serious?

does it depress you? to know just how alone you really are?

we decided to act!

this is what happens when an unstoppable force meets an immovable object.

i'll show you.

you see, madness, as you know, is like gravity. all it takes is a little push.

i can tell the difference between punks who need a little lesson in manners, and the freaks like you who just enjoy it.

you die.

you truly are incorruptible, aren't you?

what's the time?

you have nothing to threaten me with.

what difference does that make?

guns are too quick. you can't savor all the little emotions.

i don't want there to be any hard feelings between us.

do i really look like a guy with a plan?

i'm gonna need a cup of coffee.

this is different.

we're not intimidated by thugs.

the night is darkest just before the dawn.

i know your friends better than you ever did.

they crossed the line.

i enjoy dynamite, and gunpowder, and gasoline.

i hated my father.

you wanna know how i got these scars?

you thought we could be decent men in an indecent time.

would you like to know which of them were cowards?

how many of your friends have i killed?

you won't kill me out of some misplaced sense of self-righteousness.

[the-fiction-witch]

Mrs Dawkins P14 - P17

Media The Artful Dodger

Character Jack Dawkins

Couple Jack X Reader

Rating Sweet + Flirty

Series: Mrs Dawkins

P1 - P5 P6-P10 P11-13

I blushed but nodded, he came over and offered his hand.

"Would the lady like to take a walk in the moonlit gardens?"

"I would love to sir." I giggled as I took his hand, he helped me up and we walked down the porch steps and into the garden, as much as I wanted to hold his hand I did put some space between us as we walked.

Our feet made their way through the grass, past the flowers and sweet statues of the garden, lit only by the pale moonlight and the fiery glow from the windows of the house, 

"How long do you think they'll fall for it?"

"A while I suspect," he chuckled, "People always seem to trust me," 

"I suppose you're a very trustworthy-looking man,"

"It's a perk of being a doctor," he winked, 

"I suppose so,"

"So? May I ask what you do when you're doing when you're not doing this?"

"Ohh, Drawing."

"Drawing? Drawing what?"

"Anything, I find the form particularly facilitating."

"Do you?" 

"Umm every subject is different I love to draw, and differences to use the lines and shadow to sculpt the muscles, the bones, all the little intricacies that make us function." 

"Really?"

"Umm," I nodded, 

"I bet you'd find surgery fascinating." He smiled, "Peeling away at everything until you see the very building bricks of people."

"I imagine I would,"

"Anything else?"

"My father likes for me to sing, and play piano."

"Ohh? You don't?"

"Not really. I find it boring."

"That's fair I suppose," He chuckled, "But I'd love to know what your life was like... before you came here?"

"Ohh, Well we lived in London before then Father made his money in shipping. Ran his business for many years, and figured he could make a killing down here, so down here we moved. We haven't been here long still getting used to the place, but I hope at least now I have some more freedom to go out and see the place." 

"That's sweet, I'd love to show you around one day."

"It's alright I wouldn't want to take you from your work."

"It's no trouble I'd love to." 

"Perhaps one afternoon," I blushed, 

"You don't much look like your mother," 

"Oh?"

"You two hardly look anything alike."

"ohh... Uhh you mean the lady-"

"Yes?"

"That is not my mother," I chuckled,

"Oh?"

"she's my governess"

"Ohh Forgive me I-"

"It's alright. Miss Hardcastle My governess since I was a child."

"I see, So where's your mother?"

"Buried back in London." 

"I'm so sorry Y/n," He said taking my hand,

"It's alright, long time ago." I said, "But I would like to know about you if you'll allow me?"

"Of course," He smiled as we continued to walk, "Well, not much to say joined the Navy at fourteen, stayed there for ten years and worked my way up to surgeon lieutenant before I left." 

"Oh Impressive," I giggled, "under?"

"Captin Grimm, a Splendid man, took a lot of pity on me." 

"Young though to have retired?"

"I fancied a change, and I could be of far more use around here." He smiled, 

"I suppose that's true," I nodded, "You like it here?" 

"I find it very palatable" he chuckled, "do you it here?"

"So far, it's been very pleasant." I nodded, "I admit helped by your kindness,"

"My kindness? Well, I am thrilled to have made your time here more enjoyable." he smiled, "How is your hand?"

"Much better now,"

"Good, I half expected you in your pearls tonight."

"I considered it, was told it would be too much."

"Fair enough, I must admit you do look mesmerizing."

"Ohhh... Thank you, Jack." I blushed, "You do look incredibly handsome too." 

"My, I shall treasure such a compliment from such a lovely lady." He smiled, "I did my best, not used to this sort of thing."

"Well, you impressed me all the same."

"I did?"

"Very much,"

"I'm glad, this is the only shirt I own where the sleeves aren't stained with blood so bear in mind you will likely never see me like this again." 

I giggled, "That's alright I prefer your other clothes anyway."

"You do?" He smirked,

"Ohh well I uhhh-" 

"I think you've looked beautiful every time I've seen you," he smiled, "But tonight you are impressive."

"Thank you," I blushed, I spotted a small stone bench in the garden so I went and sat down for a moment, he came over and sat down beside me slipped off his jacket to sit it beside him, 

"So, your father has any boys he's planning on having you see?"

"I don't think so, I'm sure there will be men tonight having since danced with me who will go to Father with their intentions and they'll visit in the coming days," I explained, 

"Do you have any plans on telling your father, about any men who have taken your interest?"

"Perhaps." 

"Perhaps?"

"Perhaps," I giggled, 

"Will I be on that list?" he asked, 

"Outspoken, aren't you?" 

"Why bother with dancing around the point?"

"I suppose," I smiled looking up to the orange tree over my head, I reached up to grab an orange but  my fingertips only just graced the bottom, He chuckled and plucked it for me handing me or orange, "Thank you," I smiled, 

"You're welcome, So? Will I be on the list of boys you talk to our father about?"

I nodded sheepishly, "I can remove you if you'd prefer."

"No, no I'd love to be included," 

"You would?" I asked peeling the orange and starting to eat a couple of segments offering him some too,

"I would." he nodded taking a couple too, "In fact if you'd let me? I'd like to talk to your father."

"you would?"

"I would." He nodded, "Would you allow me that?"

"You do not need my permission." 

"No, but still I am asking for it." 

I blushed hard but smiled. "Then I grant it, happily."

"Is it something you'd want?"

"Very much." I nodded, "But I do not wish to burden you with-"

"I want to. Very much." He said taking my hand in his and making me drop the orange peel, "Y/n there is something about you that I can not deny, I have attempted to conceal it, to refuse it, but here I am outright accepting it. You have unnerved me more than any other woman I have ever met, I want to see you again. That much I am certain."

"I admit I feel the same, there seems to be an energy between us that I cannot name or place, I cannot refuse it, not at all, I am beyond certain that I want to see you again."

"I wish we could, but it pains me..."

"Why would it pain you?"

"Becuase I know if I do, these feelings will long grow."

"I do hope they would,"

"I know they would. every new thing I learn about you feels like an etching on my heart,"

"Ohh Jack," I smiled 

"I want us... to be so much more."

"I- I do too." 

"But I know nothing can come of it."

"Why ever not?"

"The world will never allow us to marry, y/n." He whispered, 

"You misjudge my family," I blushed, "My father will allow me to marry whatever man makes me happy,"

"Then do I? make you happy?"

"Very much Jack," I smiled, "He cares only for my joy, and for the social rules. Providing all rules were followed he would have no problem with us."

He chuckled, "I am not too good at following rules." 

"There would not be many, but would you try? for me?"

He smiled and stroked my cheek his callus fingers moved across my skin which made my heart flutter, "For you?" He asked, "I would do anything," he cooed before he moved and ran the tip of his nose against the bridge of my own our foreheads together, My eyes fluttered shut my hands held his and his upper arm, sighing in a sweet joy, feeling my heart race at the mere object of our proximity. "Would you grant me to break one rule tonight?"

"Which one?"

"Let me kiss you." 

"Absolutely," I smiled, 

he needed no other word, closing the gap between our lips for a soft and slow kiss. His lips were slightly chapped but smooth, I could taste the orange on his lips still, smell the sweet scent of his aftershave, the feeling is soft skin against my own, I closed my eyes enjoying every sensation, he pulled back our kiss only lasting a few seconds but we both knew it felt like more, He lingered close as we both took back our breaths. 

"Oh my..." I blushed, 

"Better then I had imagined." He smiled,

"So you imagined?"

"so many times,"

"As did I."

"It succeeded mine, beyond any imagination, did I-"

"You did. More the I had ever thought." I smiled, "Jack... You're kisses, though lasting a second made me feel like we had travelled to the moon and back." 

"As do yours y/n." He smiled, "Will you let me take you again?"

"A thousand times more," I smiled closing the gap between us, 

We kissed, slowly and sweetly with such admiration, without lust but longing, like we couldn't bear for this to end, our lips moved back and forth to kiss over and over, each kiss caused butterflies in my stomach, fireworks in my mind, I wanted nothing more than to touch him, to be connected with him in every day we could, as crazy as it sounds like I wanted to climb inside and be one with him.... god that sounds nuts but it's truly how I felt. and clearly he felt the same as our energy matched perfectly his hand slipped from my face to hold my hands in his in front of our chests. I felt so heavenly that my heart I could see the world burning around us and still I would smile. I could have kissed him forever. 

but... 

From behind him, we head a cough. 

I pulled back in surprise hearing a loud cough, and quickly moved my hands away from Jack's, as soon as I opened my eyes I saw her.

Miss Hardcastle, stood having approached us in the garden, given the timing of her cough and her... very unhappy look. She had undoubtedly caught us. 

Jack was confused I assume having not heard the cough as he looked disappointed, upset when I had so suddenly ended our kiss and now looked as if I wanted nothing to do with him. But he noticed my eyes and glanced over his shoulder, and he jumped as he saw her there immediately the colour drained from his face as he too realized... 

We're fucked. 

My mind began to spiral in panic, she was the most rule-abiding etiquette-driven person I had ever met, she would surely tell my father and Jack and I would never be allowed near each other again. 

She cleared her throat again and stepped closer, "I think Miss Everset has had enough air now doctor, You best head inside wouldn't want you to miss the party."

"Yes of course." he nodded, He gave me a faint smile before he took his coat and stood up, as he past her she handed him a white handkerchief from the pocket of her dress, clearly for him to wipe my slightly smudged lipstick off his lips, he took it and headed back through the garden towards the house, 

Miss Hardcastle merely stood there watching me, giving me no place to turn. She waited silently until Jack was out of earshot. 

"Y/n."

"Yes miss?"

She moved and sat on the bench in Jack's place, she took my hand in hers. "Was this moment consensual?" 

"What?" I asked,

"Was the moment I just witnessed consensual?" 

"It was," I nodded, I knew it would be worse to lie to her, "It was consensual."

"Was it reciprocal?"

"Yes."

She nodded, 

"Will you tell my father?"

"Tell him what?"

"About what I and Dr Dawkins were -"

"Why would I tell him about the doctor helping you catch your breath?" She asked giving me a small wink "But we should head back now." She said 

"we should," I nodded, 

She helped me up and we walked arm in arm back towards the house, "Mr Dawkins?" She asked, 

"Dr Dawkins," I corrected,

"Ohh I see. Royal College?"

"Ex-Navy."

"Ohhh... Your father will certainly like him."

"I hope so." I blushed, 

"You know his... particular mix of Sandy Cove and Caramel Drizzle does seem, familiar to me." She smiled wickedly 

I blushed to think of the two paint colours I had combined on my painting a few days ago to mix into Jack's hair, 

"From a recent... Easel." 

"Perhaps." I blushed, 

"I see, What shall we entitle this painting then?"

"Jack."

"Jack, I see." She nodded as she returned me to the house and the party,

I did a few more dances with the men who still wanted them, but the evening was mostly dying down, I did spot a nervous Jack being a wallflower to the party and I simply smiled at him which calmed him considerably, until it came time like any party where people seem to leave almost all at once, so father and I stood between my father and Miss Hardcastle close the door and bidding goodbye to many guests, my hand was even getting tired from all the kisses. But I did my best to hide my blush as Jack approached having put his jacket back on and clearly trying to hide his own blush. I did notice as he approached Miss Hardcastle shot me a look almost questionable as if silently asking 

'This the one?' and I nodded in return, 

"It was a perfect evening Mr Everset, I thank you greatly for allowing me an invitation." He smiled 

"Of course, of course, my good man. You took such good care of my Y/n when we visited the hospital, always best to keep a doctor in the good graces." 

"Quiet right sir, but truly I had an amazing time you must invite me to your next event."

"Oh you'll be on our guest list I'm sure" 

Jack then turned his attention to me as politely as he could, "I thank you greatly for inviting me Miss Everset, I wouldn't have missed it for the world. It was an absolute pleasure to witness your debut and our dance is something I shall truly treasure."

"As will I Dr Dawkins," I smiled, He gently took my hand and kissed it sweetly but as his hand slipped away I realized he had left a note in my hand, I hid it as secretly as I could and luckily Miss Hardcastle was the only one to spot it so as I set my hand to my side she took the note from me hiding it in her pocket so I could use my hand still, 

"Have a lovely evening, Both of you."

"You too Dr Dawkins," My father smiled,

Jack then left and for a moment Miss Hardcastle and I shared a look and had to prevent us both from giggling like schoolgirls.

We bidded goodnight to everyone else of course and once the last guest was gone my father took my hands and kissed my hair, "I do dare say that was a rousing success." 

"I do think so Father,"

"I'm sure you have your list, I know I have mine."

"I do father."

"Very good, but it's late we will talk once you have had the time to mull things over in sleep. But I shall see you for breakfast." 

"Yes, see you for breakfast, goodnight Father."

"Goodnight my sweet." 

Miss Hardcastle then took me to my room and stood me in my mirror to slowly work at undoing my dress for me. Helping me get changed for bed given the various layers and complicated ties. 

"I expect then we shall be seeing more of Dr Dawkins?"

"I do hope so,"

"I won't say a word. But I best not catch this sort of nonsense again."

"Yes, Miss." I nodded 

"Good," She said as finally the dress was off me and I could slip on my nightie "Get some rest," she said as she helped me to the bed tucking me in and she headed me the note from her pocket as she shut off the light and shut the door, 

I giggled as soon as she was gone taking the note still folded tight, I smiled and unfolded it seeing the sweet note clearly written in a rush I even noticed the paper it was written on was merely some ripped paper from my fathers office, 

'Dearest Y/n, 

Tonight has been utterly unexplainable, I wish my words could do you and this evening justice. 

I do hope I didn't cause you too much trouble and can forgive me for getting us caught. 

If you still want to see me, I'll come and wait by our bench in your garden tomorrow once the sun sets meet me there and we will discuss how we shall proceed. 

I cannot wait to see you, and if I don't I shall understand. 

Have a good night, sleep well.

My Darling, My Y/n, My 'hopeful' Future Mrs Dawkins.

Yours affectionately 

Jack X' 

I giggled as I read it unable to hold back my smiles, he wanted to see me again, he wanted us to speak of how to proceed, I was so immensely happy, the mere kiss on the page was enough to make my heart heavy. and I pulled the note to my chest almost rolling around my bed and kicking my feet with joy.

I had not thought about such a thing, but now it was all I could dream of, to one day be Mrs Dawkins. 

I woke to the sound of the adult bird in the nest outside my window singing sweet songs. I couldn't help but smile as I lay in my bed, my legs knotted with my sheets, Jack's note still clutched to my breast. I lay enjoying the shadows cast by the sun for a good few minutes before I forced myself out of bed. I refolded the note along its lines and kissed it before I hid it in my bedside drawer.

I got up and began to dress for the day ahead, into my light blue day dress as I wasn't planning on going out today. I began to sing with the bird and sang the same sweet, beautiful song as I dressed.

"Good Morning Miss Everset." Miss Hardcastle said as she arrived to my room,

"Good Morning," I smiled as I sang,

She chuckled, "Who'd have known a boy would be the best way to get you to practice your vocals,"

I giggled a little as I finished my dress and put a brush through my hair,

"Breakfast is ready and your father is waiting." She said,

"Lovely," I smiled as I set my brush down and followed her down to the dining room, where my father sat in his usual seat eating his breakfast, he looked up, saw me and smiled.

"My, My, been a while since I saw you smile so widely,"

"It's a good day," I smiled,

"It certainly is my sweet." He chuckled,

The maid then brought my breakfast and I had a plate of fried eggs, hashbrowns, french toast and even some bacon. I thanked her and looked at my father questionably, He smiled.

"You don't have a debutante dress to fit into."

I blushed but happily tucked in after so long of waiting for some good food, We sat and ate in silence and once my plate was empty he got up from his heat and came to me, he offered his hand.

"Come my sweet." He cooed,

I took his hand and followed him to his office, He took a seat at his desk before he took one out of his desk drawer. I giggled and paced the room playfully.

"Now once you went to bed I made myself a list of all of the gentle boys I think would be good suitors going forward and I couple did whisper of potential intentions last night but I promised you I would not speak on your behalf and I did not say a word my sweet." he explained, "I'm sure you must have a list of your own those we agree on we can take steps, now to keep it simple Yes, perhaps and No."

"Yes Father," I nodded,

"Good girl, Now we shall begin, Lord Arthur Lindsey?"

"Remind me?"

"Very tall chap, smelt of roses."

I was reminded

"Well..."

"Y/n, I do not want you to lie to me, I don't care who you marry so please just be honest with me."

"No,"

"Alright, Mr Damiris?"

"No, too old."

"I see, Mr Small?"

"Too Tall, Ironicly."

"Mr Ryan?"

"Perhaps."

"Ohh our first perhaps?"

"He was pleasant enough,"

"Good, Mr Sapping?"

"Stank of fish?"

"Yes, the fishmonger's son."

"No."

"Alright, Interesting those were my top five candidates." He chuckled as he made notes, "Clearly I am not up to date with the things ladies like." He laughed,

"Perhaps not Father,"

"Well we push on," he said,

This went on for the rest of the morning, him listing names and us discussing them, I did my best to not be so tunnel-visioned and I did allow him to make up a small list of men I would allow us to continue to keep on the back burner as it were, just in case things do not go as I wish them too.

I even gave my father some names making sure I mixed a few others into my list. I didn't want to make it seem like my mind was already made up given I still didn't know truly where Jack stood, and I wouldn't know until I saw him tonight, if that would even be discussed at all tonight. I didn't want my father to think I was ignoring others, or focusing too much, and of course not letting him in at the fact I had all but decided before even my ball would only make him wonder why such an expense was necessary. Even if I was wondering that myself now.

"That is all?"

"There, is one more father."

"Ahh perfect last one then for my list, He a perhaps?"

"Uhh no. He's a yes."

"A yes? My goodness our one and only yes. Well let's hear it then who is the chap who's bewitched my sweet into giving out her one and only yes?"

"Dr. Dawkins," I did my best not to blush, fiddled with my fingers in the few seconds I waited for his response.

"Dr. Dawkins?"

"Yes, Father,"

"Alright," He nodded adding him to the list, "I take it he... amuses you?"

I blushed, "He does amuse me," I forced back laughter, I knew what my father wanted to ask but given society, our time, and our lifestyle, such a thing cannot be said between us even if he is my father.

"Will you allow me your ear?"

"Of course Father,"

"Money." he said, "Doctors don't make much money,"

"I'm aware."

"Your life would change, your lifestyle would be different, he it's very unlikely he'd be able to keep you in the lifestyle to which you have become accustomed."

"That's true," I nodded, "I thought you said I could marry whomever I wanted? a Lord, a butcher, a baker, a doctor?"

He smirked, "So already you think of Dr Dawkins in the terms of marriage."

I blushed and realized my error, "I think of all men who may wish to court me in the terms of marriage, one should not enter a courtship without seeing marriage."

"Good girl," he nodded, "Alright, I do say you can marry whomever you like I am not going to stop you marrying a poorer if that is your choosing but I just wish to discuss as we have the other men." He said,

"Thank you, father,"

"But still, I want you to know these things before any sort of decisions are made, as I said doctors don't make much."

"I am sure a humble life is one that I could return to."

"Doctors work often, weekends, weekdays, time off its not much to them. You'd be alone a lot, he would not be able to spend all his days with you."

"No, but we would simply be forced to savour every moment we are together."

"Doctors often are cynical, emotionless, it comes with the job you witness such horrors, such death."

"But you also witness life, the spark and fight of true humanity. And I imagine it gives them such a drive, such an unstoppable determination for each moment, to survive above all else."

He nodded, "Dawkins." He chuckled, "Mrs Y/n Dawkins, it has a ring I can't deny. Very good, He is your one and only yes. But we shall proceed with all as discussed and we shall we how the fruits fall."

"Thank you, father," I smiled going to leave,

"Y/n?"

"Yes?"

"If he comes to see me, and does all as he should." He said, "The shortest courtship I'll allow is six months."

"Good to know, Thank you, father." I nodded before I scampered away. 

I picked out a pretty dress and brushed my hair, I gave myself a good perfume spritz before I left my room and headed downstairs but I was caught at the kitchen door.

"Something you wanted Miss Everset?" Miss Hardcastle asked helping the maid clean from dinner,

"Ohh, I was just going for a walk in the garden, before I settled myself to bed."

"In the dark?"

"I fancied a moonlit stroll."

"Alright, just don't be too late."

"I won't!" I smiled as I bolted out the door and headed into the garden, I held my dress above the grass as I walked as fast as I could without drawing suspicion back to the sweet stone bench from last night, under the orange tree, the little bench like last night bathed in a sweet white grey ray of moonlight. I thought of last night and felt giddy with excitement to see him again, to have his hand grace my own, to have our lips entwined once more, to speak with him about our plans, our future, a life we were to build.

I went and perched myself where I had yesterday, Plucking an orange as I sat for a moment I tossed it back and forth between my hands. Every second felt like an hour of wait, I counted the stars in the sky, the leaves in the tree, the flowers of the garden, and my own heartbeats that got slower and slower as my excitement turned to solo fear while I waited, but he didn't come and each time I looked and saw no sign of him my heart sank a little lower until it was firm in my feet.

Perhaps he has forgotten about me?

Perhaps last night was merely a trick of the moon and wine and once home he realized his foolishness?

Perhaps all of this was merely a joke at my innocent expense?

Perhaps, he was not coming?

Perhaps I had merely been foolish to believe him?

I sighed and rolled my orange away across the grass, I knew I would have to go back inside or else people would come looking for me.

My heart felt so utterly broken, my heart felt weak and frail, I felt so stupid, tears welled up in my eyes, and my hands shook, my breaths unsteady and sharp.

I waited longer than I should have, all in hope but as the hours ticked by he never arrived.

To think I had told my father of him, I had risked Miss Hardcastle telling my father for him, I had let him kiss me, I had let him touch my hand, let him break so many rules with me all of which if word ever escaped this place my reputation would forever be broken.

I was so, so willing... so happy, so blindly in love that ... I'd have given him everything.

I'd have committed here and now to him forever, I'd begun to build a life in my mind with him, I'd have sworn myself to him this night if he had asked it, I'd have packed my things and followed him away to a world unknown if he had asked it of me.

I'd have made him my world.

But he didn't come for me.

I wiped my tears and stood, I fixed my dress and started on the walk inside.

I kept turning back in the hope that he'd be there just catching me before I go but... I went in and up to my room.

I lay on my bed fighting back the tears taking his note and re-reading it making sure I was not been at fault but no.

Our bench, as the sun sets.

He hadn't come.

"I trusted you..." I began to cry, "Where are you, Jack?" 

[chevvy-yates]

28, 34 for your gorgeous Ryder!💎🖤

28. how do they show that they care about someone? how do they express that they don't like someone?

You will definitely notice in the first place when Ryder does not like you. Basically everyone has to go through the "I do not know you, stay away"-process in the first place (except Thyjs, because he was a hurt military solider puppy Ryder happens to have a big heart for). He keeps people at an arm's length and barely lets them approach him. Depending on the other person's character it can take weeks up to several months until he decides it is okay to start a sort of acquaintanceship with you once he has collected enough details to decide if you are good or bad. E.g. Vijay, he liked him within a few weeks, Thyjs as well but Arki – took almost half a year until he decided the redhead is allowed to be his friend. If you are a Corpo and proud to be one supporting the shitheads up in their business chairs only caring about money, you can just turn around and walk away because he hates nothing more than this kind of type. He does not think every Corpo is bad though (he himself was one and is of royal German Corpo blood) and Thyjs is a (lower) Corpo as well. But he's really careful around them as it can trigger memories of his past. Anyways, if he doesn't like you he will spill it directly in your face and if you dare to resist and start making it worse, well it feeds his anger. It can happen that he gets physically violent and he would kill you within the next second as Beast constantly whispers "They harmed you, kill them." , but as long as he is able to have a little control over himself, he will refuse to use this option as he wishes not to be like a monster he happens to turn into again and again. When Ryder cares about you he means it, mostly without words and in the form of physical affection as he often has problems finding perfect words for it. He will likely give you a tight touch onto the shoulder, or you receive a long and deep hug where he takes in your scent as well to dwell a bit in that moment of intimacy he allows to share with you. If you're a really good choom of his and you spend time together and take a pause from whatever you were doing (can be going shopping, just walking around, train tactics, make a pause at a rave) he may also lean against your shoulder seeking comfort. E.g. Vijay has that privilege to get very touchy with Ryder, even though they are not together anymore. Ryder loves his comforting persona and V has an aura that feels like it's healing him. Without Vijay Ry would have ended up a Cyberpsycho for sure in no time. The only one who will get that same privilege and more will be Thyjs later. But if Ryder has a very clear moment he may even be able to tell his affection verbally and then his voice sounds very lovely and calm, this is the real Ryder speaking then – basically the shy boy from long ago he used to be. He will also apologize for his harsh words and mood swings if he notices he's harmed you with words. But it comes with a delay as he's mostly battling with the voice in his mind (Beast). He's quick to say what is on his mind and only thinks later about what he said, so, if he apologizes to you, he definitely cares about you. When he realizes a strong bond between him and someone else he also can get very emotional and doesn't hide any tears either.

34. how would your character describe themselves? it doesn't have to line up with how they really are.

"I'm a mess. I keep up a mask – one that people are supposed to read as an extroverted dark street kid with a vain attitude. A grumpy German dude – who is barely able to hold himself together. If you ask V he will tell you this probably with nicer words than I'm able to do. He sees something good in me I consider long gone: an introverted shy guy who wished to live his life free and unburdened. I managed to free myself from my horrible Corpo chains just to run into the next one walking on the edge of cyberpsychosis. I keep people at an arm's length to make sure they are safe from me. It's why I keep my friend circle small and prefer to stay in the shadows, out of sight. If strangers come near me I stare them down, bare my fangs, if I have to I activate my blades. In that way I hope to keep them at bay. I do not wish to hurt innocent people. But I have no mercy for those who harm the innocent."

[the-last-f2p]

Lost & found Beast :Akutagawa x reader

A/N: I just got and finished BSD beast 1 so here is a fic/short series.

TW: Mentions of blood, Assassin brotherhood, Mentions of killing, Gaslighting, swearing, Suicidal thoughts for a line,

Life in the slums was not pleasent to say the least. But atleast you had him.

Ryunosuke Akutagawa The Silent Rabid Dog

Yes he was as emotoinless as a dead body but he was a good friend who saved you too many times to if you could count you felt like you atleast should give him something in return that thing being your friendship. Even if he made it look like he couldn't care less about you.

"Akutagawa-kun do you a sweet potatoe we got a big enough paycheck for everyone!" You smile to him.

"....Sure." He says as blankly as ever he takes the potatoe.

"Here take another and give it to Gin-chan as well!" You give him another potatoe.

"I'm gonna go now see you later Akutagawa-Kun!" You then run off somewhere. That place being your source of money. A brotherhood of assasins. Yes maybe everytime you went into the less than grand building it stank of something blood and everyone looked down on you both literally and figurativley you were still pretty young okay?! But that didn't mean that you couldn't pack a punch. Mostly thanks to your ability How to Kill your family that allowed you to make a small cut on anyone remotly related to your family that if not treated properly would grow until it cut through a vital vein. The only drawback is that it could only be used once a day or else you would collapse from exhastion. Lucky that you consider everyone in the group in the slums your family or your ability wouldn't be nearly as useful.

"Y/N. I have a job for you." My boss said to me looking almost as emotionless as Akutagawa.

"There's a man by the name of Osamu Dazai the boss of the port mafia kill him and your pay will be trippled." The port mafia?! Maybe you weren't the brightest but you're not that dumb.. But what if you did it. Pay trippled. Your pay had been cut tremendously for your age already but trippled would be enough to get a food supply for everyone for atleast a week. You had to go even if you knew it was suicide...

And this is how you ended up trying to find someway to relate Osamu Dazai to one of your familiy members...

"Lets see.. No.. No.. Wait.. SAYAKA she met one of the Port Mafia members last week it was only for a bit but it should be enough..." Ability: How to kill your family

"Osamu Dazai."

Blue rings started to appear around you and images flashed in your head of a messy brown-haired man dressed in black who you assumed to be Osamu Dazai. You then saw a small cut appear on his finger. Yes tripple pay here you come. It then healed as quick as it appeared.

"Nice try Y/N L/N but if you're gonna try kill me please at least do it in person." He smiled a ginger haired boy heard it and asked

"Who are you talking to boss?" "No one, you must be hearing things Chuuya."

The image in your head then dissolved into nothing god fucking dammit does he have some kind of ability well of course he does how else was it supposed to heal without him even touching the cut? If that didn't work you'll just kill him the hard way... This'll be your first up close kill and you don't really know how you'll pull it of....

"Y/N look!" One of your friends brought a small object up to your face that you recognized as a diamond.

"Its real Akutagawa-san checked!" You were about to contiue the conversation but then Akutagawa interupted you.

"Pack up in one minute we need to get out of here." You felt a presence near you and immidetally ducked leading your friend to get shot in the forehead then collapsing on the floor. You were pretty sure the people said something but you were to focused on what your friend said.

"H...H-Help us Aku..Ta Y/...N." He then got shot again your first reaction was for you to run as fast as possible away. You were then met with the sounds of bullets and screaming until you couldn't take it yes you were an assasin but you never had even heard the sound of gunshots before and it scared you. You found the nearest window and jumped out of it running your little legs of until you had exited the slums of Yokohoma and into the nicer side. You stopped at a bridge to catch your breath. By the time you had got to the bridge it was already dusk and there was barely anyone around this was a good enough place to rest......

You woke up to a tall red-head looking down at you and your first reaction was to kick him but he blocked it so easy that it was like he could see the future.

"Quite a way to greet people don't you think?" He tells you.

"Who are you? What do you want? Are you with the Mafia or those guys do you wanna kill me aswell finish the job?" Actually now that you say it maybe it would be a good thing if he came to kill you as long as it was quick.

"Calm down kid I was just worried seeing you collapsed." "Well I am fine there is no need to be worried and if you're not here to kill me then get the hell away!" You try to kick him again but he lands a blow to your stomach and then throws you on his shoulder.

"GET THE HELL OF ME! I'LL HAVE YOU KNOW THAT I'M APART OF THE YOKOHOMA ASSASINS BROTHERHOOD I'LL KILL YOU!" You start to thrash around but the man doesnt even flinch.

"I'm not gonna abandon a kid who obviously needs help."

"I don't care who the hell even are you!?"

"My name is Oda. Sakunosuke Odasaku member of the armed detective agency." The armed Dective Agency huh-

"-" You were about to say something but exhaustion had hit you again somehow.

The next few weeks had flown before you knew it you were a member of the armed detective agency and to think all you had to was untie a 'hostage' and defuse a fake bomb by throwing yourself over it thanks a lot Oda not.

4 years later

"Y/N." One of your co-workers Kunikda called out your name.

"Yo." You turned around on your chair.

"Theres a guy I want to you to meet." You were about to get up from your chair but you were almost hit by a all to familar ability that messed up your desk beyond repair dammit....

"Akutagawa-Kun?"

"Y-Y/N?!"

Words:1096

A/N: Yo I wanna make a part 2 so take a cliffhanger also happy first fic that had no promt me

-Sybilliya

[talesofsorrowandofruin]

Trick or treat!

🍬 Treat! Here's an excerpt from The Power and the Glory (warning for referenced patricide played for laughs. Now there's an unusual sentence!):

"The mistake people always make in trying to sneak out of a place," Lian said in the voice of one who spoke both with authority and from experience, "is to try to be clever. They gather a large supply of food then leave it until midnight before they leave. Anyone who catches them knows at once what they're doing and it's no use trying to make excuses. No, the way to sneak out is to go in broad daylight. Don't bring anything with you except money. Act as if you're going to the shops and will be back in an hour or two. No one will pay any attention and you can get a good distance away before they become suspicious." Abi nodded. "So we just pretend we're going on a shopping trip. But we can't go together or someone will start to ask questions." "No one stops you from going sight-seeing," Lian said. "I'll explain everything to Lady Yuan and tell everyone else I'm going on an errand. We'll meet outside the post office." "What about Zi Yao?" Mirio asked. "I'll leave instructions for his care. Hopefully I'll be back within the week, and he should be all right in the palace physicians' care until then." Abi looked uncomfortable. "I'm sorry. I've uprooted your life here, haven't I?" Lian nodded. "Don't be too upset. I've had leave places very quickly many times before. At least this time I'm not being chased away and have a chance of being allowed to return. Besides, matheríarduan kalugan*, a phrase I should have paid more attention to a long time ago." "Irímé's going to join us somewhere," Abi said. "I suppose we'll meet up with him in Tananerl." Both Lian and Mirio looked blank. Lian asked, "Who?" At the same time Mirio said, "How do you know? How does he know anything about this?" There was a moment's uncomfortable silence in which Abi appeared to be trying to think of a convincing lie. At last she gave it up. "This is going to sound insane." "More insane than necromancy-created monsters attacking a town? More insane than a random doctor just happening to be your long-lost brother?" "…Fair point. Well, to summarise, I accidentally got a distant cousin possessed. Then I got him unpossessed, and now we're telepathically linked. I asked him to find out what's happening on Muirus 9436. Irímé's working for him, so he said he's going to send him to help." Lian held up his hand. "Two questions. Which distant cousin? And who is Irímé?" "Ilaran, Prince of Tananerl. Do you know him?" Lian shook his head. "Heard of him but never met him. Didn't he kill his own father?" "…Maybe, but that's not important," Abi said, while in the background Mirio exclaimed, "What?" Lian nodded slowly, looking as if he was beginning to question everyone's sanity. "You're telepathically linked to the Prince of Tananerl who is giving you updates on what happens on planet what's-its-name. All right. Now who is Irímé and why would he be any use on this mission? Is he a necromancer too?" "He's my fiancé. He's coming because fire kills the monsters, and he's a dragon immortal." There was another pause while Lian tried to wrap his mind around all of this new information. "I see," he said at last, in a voice that implied he didn't really see. "Well, we'd better start planning our route."

*matheríarduan kalugan = Means "be loyal to your family above all"; one of the most often-repeated tenets of Saoridhlém's main religion.

Adding TPATG's taglist: @ajbrooks-writes, @mjmnorwood, @houser-of-stories, @time-space-and-the-muses, @lothloriien, @aliensmoon, @rataltouille, @thescatteredscribbles, @alexwritesfiction, @moth-with-a-pen, @thelaughingstag, @diphthongsfordays, @athenswrites, @ladydawnxx, @talesfromaurea, @jacqueswriteblrlibrary, @original-writing (Let me know if you want to be added/removed!)

[pinkopalina]

how covid unsocialized me.

it's hard for me to even wax poetic about my experiences because I saw how little anything mattered. so many of us died and even more wrote it off like god was thinning the herd or like the most vulnerable of us getting picked off was deserved because of what the most brutal and uncaring of us did. it made me form a stark contrast between who I thought "us" was and who I realized "they" are.

it made it really hard for me to live day to day without ruminating about our systems and how unhappy I am playing pretend doing stupid shit to make money for people who proved to me that they don't care about me. why am I doing this? why do I have to participate ? how are the rest of you happy and complacent this way, but how dare I say that? in what way have I proven myself a pure saint of a paragon? I have sinned with my apathy.

now I'm so completely disillusioned with any attempt to care about anything because I watched in real time as everything shifted. as covid broke us and rebuilt us for THEIR convenience. yes being gay is okay, to sell you stuff. but we'll take your rights away. yes we care about work life balance... but only if our job controls our access to healthcare and we have to be there more than enough to warrant the work we do.

and it's not like it was great before! it's not like something amazing was ruined and I'm just mad at covid for fucking it up. it was bad and it was a matter of time before something sparked change, and I feel like that was supposed to be covid. if it wasn't that, it was gonna be something else. we had this whole opportunity to actually change and heal the earth and ourselves but we FUCKED THAT UP. we're STILL FUCKED UP YEARS LATER. how many more years of this am I going to witness and bear apathy to because I have no better choice???

it feels with so much bad shit compounding on top of each other, like an unhealthy mind, our unhealthy society ruminating on their problems and blaming each other instead of getting up to help has just left me defeated. the fight goes on and I am no soldier. it's every day. it's always feeling stupid for feeling hopeful and then feeling regret for overcorrecting with rage. I feel like my words are so foreign and long winded to people now that expressing myself, like trying to be saved during COVID, was useless. I legitimately have thoughts like "well at least people who are dead now don't have to worry about what a shit world it's becoming lol" but I can't even EXPRESS that I feel that way because Tumblr police in my head from 16 years of being on the only website that hasn't died yet -- but only has a MILLION rules you have to abide by unless you want a callout post and to develop borderline personality disorder -- will remind me that thoughtcrimes are actually that serious like just as bad as the real shit that is happening with the people with guns and money and power and law making abilities and you should be killed for them too. even though the war is bad. like, these rules don't make any fucking sense but I still have to abide by them.

and then I go into these huge metaphors and assumptions about life and it's echo chambering in my own brain and I actually feel like I turned into the joker. except I'm not even allowed to relate to that because everyone in the ship tag you follow to try to alleviate some of the symptoms of the rot on your mental health that is Daily Life has become an expert on how you should think about them too and they will also kill and ostracize you for having a headcanon that maybe onions have layers sometimes and then you're just better off rambling in every text post you ever make and then deleting it because everything you've ever said has gotten a decreasing amount of notes until it's become 0 and every single one of your artist friends has followers in the thousands but still wants your pity because hating ourselves is too addictive to ever trying to be positive about anything.

like man I am BITTER!!!!!! 🤪😂🙂‍↕️🤝🥰🥴🤪☺️

[talesfromsiteredacted]

Questions New Staffers Often Ask

Starting any new job has questions. Who are you guys, why are you making me do this, when is lunch, and of course... we get paid for this, right? No worries, Auntie Rabbit is here with the important answers. As a witch, anomaly, and senior staffer, I'm not allowed to accept cash. But... payment in candy is always welcome, I also accept wine, nice beads, art supplies, and tea. Senior staffers are generally discouraged in buying/receiving souls in payment, FYI. There's some useful stuff, but there's also some... well... less-than-intelligent questions I've had thrown at me.

Is it possible to ride 682? In theory, yes. In practice, anyone who tried it other than Dr. Kondraki wound up as a tasty between meal snack for our oversized asshole kaiju knockoff. So, in practice... no.

Does 049 know what the Pestilence is? Tough one... yes and no, I'd say. He knows what to look for but not the actual transmission vector.

Which 001 is the real one? Don't know, honestly. It's way above even Dr. Gears' clearance levels. Best not to speculate. I honestly doubt it'll matter to the dead.

No, you cannot arrange for your ex to contract a nasty viral SCP as revenge for dumping you. Using anomalies for such purposes is forbidden, you will be demoted to D-Class, then further demoted to corpse. What is wrong with some of you?

Yes, I had to go through Dr. Clef's seminars, just like you. No, I do not know what he uses. No, I'm not the least bit curious. Yes, I puked up my breakfast like everyone else. Just because Clef likes me, I get off no easier than the lot of you. Pro tip for those who haven't taken the seminar yet... smuggle in some ginger ale and plain saltines. Trust me, it will make recovery easier.

It's perfectly safe to talk to 049 and other Euclid/Safe class anomalies provided protocols are followed. That being said, please stop trying to sell them multilevel marketing stuff. Multilevel marketing is banned throughout all Foundation sites for good reason, and it's not like the anomalies have money.

No, SCP Speed Dating never happened. No, there are no records. No, you're not supposed to even think of the anomalies like that. 076-2 may be "fine AF" and "hotter than the deserts", he's also incredibly likely to kill you before you even say hello to him. It never happened, it never WILL happen, anyone trying to make it happen will have their own date... with 173.

While I'm sure 049 would love a hug now and then, it's not safe. Sorry, but he IS Euclid for a reason, no matter how sweet and nice he is.

Putting 999 in a blender is a bit like going on a high speed tilt-a-whirl for him. That being said, it feels so wrong even thinking of it. So, no 999 blender rides. Feel free to give him hugs though.

If Dr. Clef asks you to do something, think long and hard before agreeing. If Dr. Bright asks, the answer is automatically 'No.'

The Bright List is supposed to be a horrible warning, not a how-to guide.

Dr. Gears is, indeed, human. He just had his sense of humor shot off. Probably by Bright or Clef.

No, you cannot have a Ketchup Puppy as a pet. They're simply impossible to house train.

This one is for Dr. Clef: yes, mushrooms decay around Cain. He killed the growth on my maitake log on my desk. I'm not mad, though. Turns out, being both plantlike and animalistic to a degree just meant my poor maitake lasted five minutes versus the normal instant decay. They never grew back. I'm not big on mushrooms anyway. He also kills lichen.

We tried 682 burgers. Worst. Burgers. Ever! Not even dousing the things in ghost pepper sauce could save them. It was like biting the zombie back, honestly. Don't ask how I came to that conclusion.

Speaking of biting back the zombies... 682 DID contract 008 that way once. He was sick for all of an hour, but got better. He really is nigh unkillable.

I do not recognize the bodies in the water. You do not recognize the bodies in the water. No one recognizes the bodies in the water.

How many SCPs are there? We're not entirely sure. Some would say we're a bit overladen with Keters, though. I do know the database lies.

The staff restroom is located to the left of the south wing, three doors after the supply closet. Now you know.

Everyone says Dr. Clef is two-faced. That's simply false. He's got more faces than a mask shop. They just look a lot alike.

Advice for the ladies out there: if a thin, weasel-faced MTF agent with greasy brown hair and more bumps on his face than 20 km of bad road asks if you want to see a 'naked Mole Rat', say no. Agent O'Hare really needs to get new lines.

No, sadly... the cake is real. Really, really, REALLY bad. The breads are also terrible. In fact... try to avoid the cafeteria food if possible.

No, Iris does not like the flower she's named for. She says the scent is choking. So, if you're going to give Agent Thompson flowers, daisies or roses are the safe bets.

No one knows who exactly is on O5. And it's not worth the risk of becoming bunkies with the D-Class to find out.

How to tell if a Type Green is mucking about in reality's egg salad? Doors and windows vanishing is a big clue. Inanimate objects trying to bite you, floors falling away, suddenly feeling like the entire universe hates you specifically, and colors shifting. Just close your eyes for a second, if you're confident in your safety, breathe in, hold for 7 seconds, breathe out. Remind yourself of where you were before it all went weird. Then, shoot the Bixby before he rescrambles your egg. (I need to step away from the Bioshock, next thing you know I'll be referring to Clef as Big Daddy, he'd be way too into that!)

Food fights are (technically) forbidden. However, in case of Containment Beach/outside invasion, you can, in fact, use Mabel's baked goods as impromptu weapons. That poor MC&D thug never saw that baguette coming. Yes, it would count as a Geneva Covention violation on the outside, but as the Geneva Accords do not apply to us... the Parker House rolls work great as projectiles. Dr. Iceberg didn't even need to freeze them. They can instacrit harder than the RE4 rotten eggs!

Running crappy dollar store novels through 914 is a waste of time. Nothing can improve those saccharine pieces of mass published literary junk food.

Yes, Dr. Bright nearly started a war with Amazon. Yes, while breaches were down that week, it wasn't worth facing Bezos. Nothing is.

Playing tag with the Keters is forbidden. Why? Why do you want to die so badly?

Playing ANYTHING with Dr. Bright is a bad call. He's a sore loser. No card games with Dr. Cimmerian either, he's been banned from every casino, back room poker game, Pokémon tournament, and even the site 25 weekly cribbage games. He never cheats, he's just really good at card games. Anomalously good.

[tsareviich]

continuing from [x] || @kcrclrezni

He's been uncharacteristically quiet since the last battle and he's growing tired to using the excuse that the Darkling's torture damaged his vocal cords because, well, he's never been much of a screamer (except when spiders were involved) and there's something rather embarrassing about them possibly coming to that conclusion. How else could he have lost his voice?

He can't look weak. Not now. Not when he's about to become Ravka's king. Not when Ravka's already looks as though it's one strong wave away from sinking to the bottom of the sea.

Vasily is the last person he'd expected to see upon his return home. He finds himself tugging at his gloves, the material feeling so foreign. It doesn't feel like the place for them and yet now it seems they're to become a permanent piece of his wardrobe.

Nikolai instinctively raises his chin when Vasily calls him Kolya, though he knows he doesn't have to prove to him that he's more than that child who used to tote around the ratty old stuffed fox and convince his brother to eat worms. But some part of him is unsure if Vasily's truly happy to see him alive at all. If Vasily's alive then, well, the crown is his.

The embrace takes him by surprise and he finds himself flinching, still not completely comfortable in his own skin after all that's happened. "I..." Maybe Vasily's been sincere after all. "Thank you, Vasya. It's good to see you too, brother."

he feels nikolai flinch and vasily immediately unwraps his arms from him and backs away. through everything, he'd forgotten where they had last left things. they were getting better but they weren't great. and then they were attacked. because of vasily's own actions. and the events that followed that. "sorry." the words are soft, he doesn't know what else to say after everything.

vasily doesn't look at him, can't meet his eye. the unspoken issue hangs between them. "i hear you're to be king. i believe a congratulations are in order." the best brother won. he won't say them aloud. he can't yet. they both know it to be true. but it doesn't stop to the hurt in his chest. "i do ask what happened to father and mother. are they... dead?" if nikolai was to be crowned king, it was obvious their father was, at least, dead. the thought stung. their father wasn't perfect but he was still their dad. that would mean that, technically, vasily should be becoming king. he wonders if that's why nikolai flinched at his touch. "i'm not taking the crown from you. i don't w--" he stops, clearing his thought. that would be a lie. he does want it. he's wanted it since he was a kid, since he figured out he was going to rule after his father. but they both knew he wasn't right to rule. he's realized he's never finished his thought and he sighs. "-- i'm just not going to."

a glance at his new arm, the fabrikator made one, then back to nikolai, finally looking at him. "if it's not too much trouble, i do ask that i be allowed to stay in my rooms. i don't really have anywhere to go and i don't have much money to fend for myself." he wouldn't be surprised if his horses are gone, sold or killed. the thought makes him sad but it could be much worse. "i'd offer any advice, if you need it. or not. it doesn't quite matter, i suppose." maybe this was a good thing. and maybe if he keeps telling himself that, he'll start to believe it.

[the-firebird69]

Donald Trump Selects Classified Documents For Trial - Newsweek

This is how it goes I selected the documents and now I can proceed it's not what it is everyone's giving me a **** about it It really is as as it looks they say end of July is when the case was suspended to that's when they're going to have the case so they said to our legal team was I didn't have the case with or without it but that's the date so we selected the records and they said the same thing no some of the records won't be allowed in court. And so you have to choose and really there's quite a bunch of people who say we're surprised that they allow anything of that nature and they might not in court and it's true if it stops in it can't go there um they have this summary about it and that's what they put and we might be hanging ourselves if that's the case and he said this is probably the case. If the judge is going to put those documents in the court and open them up they will arrest you all and all you have to DC. I suddenly see something you could be immediate too. Now these things are happening it's in my life and it's a pain apparently we owe this guy so much money that he's not looking at us as if we have to be around. I do understand it's true and we're probably crippling ourselves and we should not be doing it but we probably think we have to because the Max will use the money or something and we're **** **** and we screwed up the first round and it got away with stuff because of what we did now I'm telling you this we keep saying some **** to him that's horrible and sitting there with nothing it's not right he said I'm gonna hand off the job to the max after I'm dead and probably true that they're gonna take it over that's what I'm trying to say they have a plan to do it and we're opposing that plan doesn't make any sense to anyone as a matter of fact not that opposing its wrong you can let their money just sit there and we can threaten it but we're supposed to do something else other than just to wither away

He's also heard this quite a bit it's before I'm trying something stupid it might be but we're tired of him saying stuff about us no it's recently it's not about us. It says it's gonna have to do his job anyways and our job will be very simple we're going to a mixer. And he wouldn't feel guilty if I was getting money you just might not have everybody go there and I'm kind of really not very happy about this the fundamentary results are awful they said it's a bloodbath down there no matter what you do no. What they said was that these guys have something going on once the Max and what we did was we encouraged them and we helped them do this stuff to us it seems like we want to sit there and allow them to finish up it's very rude what we're doing to this boy in the name of winning and getting stuff and stopping everyone doesn't seem to be right they said we don't have to use their money and that's what Terry Cheesman my second person is saying my second man in charge and I am listening then he says to go talk to him and make you an appeal to people all the time because you're stupid not doing the right thing and he's sitting there wanting to try and do something. I can see how this is but I'm telling people who are not mine and who are mine that we're out of line and since you have to do it out of your mouth and your paper to your people so I don't believe what you're saying he says you're trained and not trained right by the empire to fail and I can see it he says that too doesn't believe that I can see it. Who the hell would believe in we have to pay him I mean Jesus **** Christ**** or get out the pot just sit there and try not to pay me and let them kill you I don't believe you're gonna do the job I don't wanna post this I don't want this out there and you're a liar trump'cause I'm looking up your court case. So you wanna say that you're gonna do the job and all this ****

[my-ass-as-cold-as-mars]

How am I supposed to get out of poverty?

I am open to suggestions, but guaranteed, I have already tried or cant do most of them.

I am so tired of being poor and being shit on because I'm poor. As if I could be more financially stable if I wasnt "lazy". Please, someone tell me how to get out of this pit of despair, because I'm not seeing a ladder.

I had to go home early from work the other day because I hadnt eaten a proper meal in 2 1/2 days. My manager told me I cant use this "excuse" again, as if not having money for groceries is an excuse. How can I not have money for groceries? Budgeting tips like cancelling subscriptions, shopping in bulk, not going out so much etc. dont apply when you have $10/week to spend on food. I don't go out. I dont spend money on lavish things. I dont waste money, because I HAVE NONE.

In the past month I have made less than $500. My rent is more than that. I also have bills to pay, food to buy, and life saving meds that I cant live without. How am I supposed to get out of poverty?

Get a job?

I have two. One hasnt scheduled me in over 2 MONTHS because I took 1 week of sick leave while I tried to not kill myself. The other I just started and I only get 10 hours a week. I've missed or gone home early 5 times already because I've been so sick.

Why am I so sick?

I am physically and mentally disabled to start, which will be with me ALWAYS. I have a bad leg from an accident, as well as Bipolar, PTSD and crippling anxiety.

I have also been sick lately from hunger and missing medications. I cannot preform at my job because I need money, and I cant get money unless I perform at my job.

Find another job!

Every job wants you to be available full time but only gives you 15 or less hours a week. Lots of jobs wont even hire me because of my disabilities.

Borrow money from your family!

I dont speak to my parents or sister because they abused me for 25 years.

Apply for E.I!

I cant because I'm still working and dont meet the criteria.

Get disability money then!

I live in NB, where monthly disability funding from the government...doesnt exist.

Move out of New Brunswick!

I moved here from Ontario because there were NO JOBS in Ontario. I cant move again because it costs thousands of dollars.

Pull yourself up by your bootstraps and collect cans! Give plasma for money! Go to a food bank!

I'm not medically allowed to give plasma, I'VE TRIED. They dont want mine because I'm on medication and have a history of being ill. And cans, I actually do when I can, but every trip to the depot gets me about $3 and hours of exhaustion. The food bank nearest to me doesnt accept people at my address, and the farther one is a problem due to my anxiety about leaving the house.

Apply for welfare!

I am waiting for an appointment this week, and I need to be accepted. If I'm not, I am out of options.

I have been selling things I dont use or need in order to buy a couple groceries here or there.

What else is there?

Please, someone come to me with magic answers, because I'm at my end. Called a suicide hotline tonight because I dont see any more options, and it really seems like the world hates poor people, especially if you're disabled.

If anyone has any resources or suggestions not mentioned above, please let me know. Thank you for reading.

[llgn1]

Dream of the Eternal Lovers: Epilogue

The door unlocks and the detective steps in. Sitting across from her under the dim lights, he spoke, “Carry, I take it.” “Why am I here? Why was I arrested? I didn't do nothing.” “Care to tell me all the details?” “I want my lawyer. I will not speak without my lawyer present.” “There is no lawyer coming to save you. Nobody wants to defend you. Now come on and spit it out. Where are the bodies?” “It's not fair, I tell you. It's not fair.” “Talk to me Carry. You may get a lighter sentence if you just confessed.” Though Carry was putting a stubborn front, on the inside, she was scared of going to prison. Her attitude could only take her so long before she realized just how much hot water she was in. “I was supposed to get a reward! I revealed the pervert but I didn't get paid. I need money. I'm desperate. I'm telling you, my daughter was dating a pervert and it's all my husband's fault. He allowed my sweet little angel to date a super pervert. You have to believe me. I turned him into the police and had him arrested. I was supposed to get a reward from it.“ “But that doesn't explain why you killed them?” “It's all the police's fault. You were supposed to give me a reward. I was desperate to pay rent and I'm too old to get a man. I had to do it. I had to take my revenge. I had to kill them.” “Where did you bury the bodies?” “I'm not telling you anything until you let me go.” He slammed his fist on the table as he got up. “Get her out of here. I don't want to see this sick person anymore.” When two guards entered the room, her hysterics turned to pandemonium as she resisted arrest. “I want my reward!” she kept shouting as the detective took his leave. - - A great void was what welcomed Johan as he opened his eyes. Nothing but darkness as far as he could see. But upon turning around, a strange light in the distance could be seen radiating from a horizon. “Finally, you're awake,” a voice said. “Lucy?” “In the flesh... oh wait, sorry. That was quite rude of me to say.” “What happened? Where are we?" “My mom found us and murdered us. Oh well.” “Oh well?” “It's okay. It doesn't matter anymore. It's over.” Though he should have been shocked at how nonchalant she was about dying, there was actually a sense of relief and calm within him. “Yeah. It really is fine, but it feels wrong.” Lucy laughed. “Silly boy. You don't feel anything. We're spirits now.” “We are, aren't we.” She ran up to him and held his hand. “Come on. Let's go.” “Go? Where?” “Where else? To the light.” Johan's attention was now in the distance where the mysterious rays of light were emerging from an unknown parallel. “What do we do once we get there?” “What else? Live together, as we've always wanted to. Just like those waiting for us.” Looking at the perimeter surrounding the light, he could see other people waiting underneath in a rather small patch of land with trees and grass. “Wait, I know of them.” “You should. We've been seeing them all our lives.” It took him a moment before it dawns on him that the people lounging around all had familiar features. They were a group made up of handsome men and young pretty girls, all of them having the same features that he could relate to. A smile grew on his face and an elation emerged in him. Taking her hand, both started walking into the distance into an eternity that they so longed for.

--

Note from the Author

I would like to take this moment to thank everyone who has read Eternal Lovers here on Tumblr, which according to the analytics, may be none. Looks like I didn't get any traction from this site so not many readers may actually be reading this.

This is not the only site this story is published on as I wanted my story to be posted in as many places as possible. But if you so happen to be one of the few who have read this story on this site, you have my thanks and I hope you look forward to my next story.

[honestgrins]

if you're doing prompts... Mates Trope?! something during s1-2 of TO where part of the reason the wolves (or maybe just the elders who are very righteous about tradition) don't trust klaus is because he wanders around with everyone but his mate (which for this purpose i guess they can sense when a wolf is mated)

Oh || Klaroline

Elijah frowned deeply. “I’m not sure which scenario would be less tolerable to the pack, you being disrespectful to the mate bond or being mated to a vampire.”

Cradling the noticeable swell of her baby bump, Hayley snorted. “I might very well be carrying the next alpha with his disrespectful ass, so they’ll get over it eventually,” she pointed out. “But the vampire thing is always going to be a problem.”

“Not if Miss Forbes stays away from New Orleans.”

That was the crux of it, truly. Whether or not he had a mate, there was precious little Klaus could do about it in the eyes of the pack while she gave his city a wide berth. Honestly, her absence would likely make it all easier for them to swallow - perhaps to forget entirely with a few generations of distance. The thought left a hollow feeling in his chest, one far more noticeable since learning of his…predicament.

Learning he was to be a father after a millennium of running from the only one he’d ever known had been difficult enough. He’d ingratiated himself into the fabric of New Orleans in order to situate it to his needs, even softening the wolf pack to the idea of his leadership outside of the traditional hierarchy - at least, until he returned from Mystic Falls with a freshly established mate bond he apparently left behind.

A mate bond he could only imagine began with a defiant kiss and a slow-rising smile as bright as a sunlit afternoon.

Unfortunately, he didn’t know a thing about it until Hayley broke the news as to why the pack had turned against him. It was small comfort to know her use as a direct line in the camp, but he needed more. He knew so little about life as a wolf, that having been denied him for so long. “How can they know that I’ve found my mate?” Suspicion was a long-earned habit, and nothing was adding up. “How can they sense it here when I had no idea with her right in my arms?”

With a delicate cough, Elijah leaned forward to take some of his focus off Hayley. “I understand this is a difficult revelation, and there’s much to be learned about the mate phenomenon. However, I feel there’s a decided advantage in ensuring Miss Forbes is a non-factor in the politics of the city.”

His hand was around his brother’s throat before he could consciously think to do it, his hybrid strength more than enough to pin Elijah to the wall. “Stop. Talking.”

“Klaus.” Hayley’s voice was shaking, and her hands now covered her belly in a protective gesture. “You feel it now, don’t you? The need to protect her above all else?” She stood slowly, careful not to spook him further. “Even over your own brother?”

With excruciating control, he loosened his grip, finger by finger. “Alright,” he breathed once he could manage it past the sudden onslaught of rage. “I’m listening.”

.

“Caroline, you’re up!”

For at least the third time that afternoon, Caroline reminded herself there were too many witnesses at the Fall Festival to eat her sorority sisters. "I'm all for scamming money out of sleaze bags in the name of philanthropy, but I still think there are better ways to go about it than a kissing booth."

Amber just scoffed. "Suck it up, pledge, we all had to pay our dues," she said, divesting herself of the Gamma blue sash that said Kiss me! and handing it to Caroline. "If it helps, there's a total hottie in line. I almost extended my shift to get a chance at him."

Rolling her eyes, she forced a pageant smile as she slipped the sash over her head. "Thanks for your sacrifice."

"Funny," a familiar voice noted behind her. "You never thanked me for any of the sacrifices I made."

With a deep breath, she tried to make herself count to ten before turning. Call it personal growth that she made it to six when her glare fell on Klaus waiting at the booth. "I'm sorry, are we including the time you literally tried to sacrifice me? Because I'm so not in the mood to deal with you today, in case you can't tell."

"Oh my god, Caroline!" Amber looked mildly scared, but she took a step in front of her anyway, a stance she recognized from other sisters at any number of frat parties when a creep made himself known. "Who is this guy? Do I need to call security?"

She glanced back to Klaus, who remained uncharacteristically quiet as she decided what to do. Reluctantly, she met Amber's eyes with widened pupils. "Everything is fine, but someone needs to cover my shift. You never saw him, and I went home sick." When Amber obediently repeated her words, she also returned the sash. "Thanks!" she called out, quick as she was to flash away from the crowd, knowing he would follow.

Her dorm wasn't exactly a safe bet, given Elena and Damon's constant sexiling, and she didn't want to risk Bonnie catching them on campus. The only place she could think of was the wooded trail behind the chemistry building, where she found a quiet bench for them to sit. Well, for him to sit and for her to pace in front of. "We had a deal, Klaus. You weren't supposed to come back."

"To Mystic Falls," he clarified, his hands pressed together between his knees. At her decided frown, he allowed himself a sigh of discomfort. "Unfortunately, I have good reason to violate the spirit of our agreement."

She crossed her arms and waited.

He sighed again. "Sweetheart-"

"Just rip the band-aid off, Klaus!"

"I need you to accompany me back to New Orleans, and I need you to trust me enough to keep you safe," he said. With eyes intent on hers, his energy seemed barely contained, like he wanted nothing more than to grab her and go. "I would like you to do so freely. And quickly."

Her arms tightened, and she sank onto her jutted hip as she took in his plaintive request. "Points for being polite, I guess, but I doubt you would be if I were in any real danger. What I don't know is if this is you being overly cautious or just being a dick."

Rubbing two fingers at his temple, there was an ancient exhaustion in his face. "Neither of us can truly know what this is," he muttered to himself more than anything. He spoke up with more resolve. "Elijah wanted to hide you away in one of our many properties throughout the world, and Rebekah suggested a less involved plan that offered you an anonymous scholarship across the country - anything to keep you far away from me."

"Why are your siblings trying to get rid of me?" she demanded. "I didn't even do anything."

He shifted on his feet, and he couldn't quite meet her eyes. If he weren't Klaus Mikaelson, she might think he were embarrassed. "Your absence in New Orleans has been noted."

Confused, she pressed her hands to her face. "I seriously doubt that, since I've never been there. The only people I know in New Orleans is your family, and you've already established they don't want me there."

His ears flushed red, and then she knew he was embarrassed. "Hayley has found a home with nearby pack," he explained with a wince, "a pack that could prove necessary to the balance of the city. However, they are disinclined to negotiate with me at the moment."

"Gee, I wonder why. How many of them have you killed so far?"

Klaus gave a ferocious glare. "None, actually. But perhaps you missed the fact that a wolf with a known grudge against you is well placed to inform any number of enemies of your name and location."

The scoff burst out of her without permission, an absolute confidence emboldening her. "Like you'd let that happen."

Then he took a step closer, and that confidence withered into a new understanding - one that scared her. His voice lowered, soft in its menace. "Why do you think I'm here, Caroline?"

She swallowed, the tension unbearably thick between them. "I'm no one," she said, her voice shaky as she fought for the calm she felt only moments before. "Even if they could use me against you-"

"They can," he answered, deadly serious. "And they will. Maybe not now, but someday." He watched her closely; for what, she didn't know. His whole face softened whenever he found whatever he was looking for. "I'm only just beginning to understand myself," he admitted. "But you're far from no one, and I need to establish that you're firmly under my protection."

"Why?" He never really answered her questions, Caroline realized. This one, though... This, she needed to know. "Why me?"

His eyes seemed to burn with gold, and she held her breath as he stared. "Wolves know when another has found their mate, and this pack has judged my character unfit for abandoning mine."

If she weren't a vampire, she would swear her legs might collapse beneath her. As it was, her head felt suddenly light. Her mouth fell open, and she finally remembered to breathe. When she exhaled, it escaped as a sigh. "Oh."

"Yes, oh."

[donnerpartyofone]

"Real talk though", when you tell someone they're being too hard on themselves, you might not understand that you're asking for something really complicated and overly difficult to understand. I mean I know there are people who have disorders around imaginary or minute imperfections, and those folks need extra care. But in other cases, it just sounds like you're refusing to admit that some of us are just kind of shitty, and anger and disappointment are completely sane responses to living with ourselves. Imagine if you were being followed, all day every day, by a person who is constantly losing, breaking, or otherwise ruining things you need and love, who doesn't let you get a full night's sleep, who makes you late for practically every appointment, who constantly surprises you with their inability to do really basic things without an inordinate amount of hand-holding, who wastes your money and thoughtlessly embarrasses you in public, and who never seems to learn a single lesson no matter how hard or how often you work with them on making small, manageable improvements. You'd probably want to just kill that person. At the very least, you'd want to burn that bridge. Your supportive friends would be filling your ears with platitudes about how you need to assert your boundaries with that person, and back away from them entirely. Nobody in their right mind would tell you to keep making excuses and making inconvenient accommodations for that person, and keep giving them energy you never get back. Even if they really can't help it--well, neither can you. But for some reason, when the person who is doing all this stuff to you is YOU, suddenly you're not allowed to be angry with them. You're supposed to love them unconditionally and forgive every stupid mean destructive thing they do. It's this insane double standard that is supposed to be justified only by the fact that you are yourself, which makes absolutely no sense, and the harder you try to understand why this is a thing, that is so different from the rules of any other comparable life situation, the more insane you feel. So like I know people think they're doing you this big favor by telling you "not to be so hard on yourself," but what I actually hear is, "you are not allowed to have feelings about your relentless personal difficulty, and you must be stopped by applying a rule that is founded on no logic that you have ever heard of, even if doing so makes you feel crazy and/or stupid." I get it, people who like you don't like your pain, and people are generally uncomfortable with, you know, discomfort. Nobody likes to admit that some problems are unsolvable. It's like when Lon Chaney Jr. tells the kids in the movie SPIDER BABY, "Nothing is ever VERY bad!", and it's hilarious then, but many people are laboring under that kind of cult of positivity in real life. It can be hard to know what to say or do. But like please don't make me feel like I'm nuts for being angry with myself. It's one thing for me to be struggling with my own failures, and it doesn't help for me to also feel like I have poor judgment and I'm too dumb to understand the rationale behind what everyone else agrees is the right thing to do.

To be more graphic about it, there's a great scene in [sitcom we're not allowed to mention anymore] where [the canceled comedian] is babysitting a spoiled child who fills the bathtub with his own diarrhea and happily wallows in it. His explanation is, "Mommy says that anything I do is OK because I love myself." That's kind of what "don't be so hard on yourself" sounds like to me.

[stargazer-balladeer]

Setting: Kingdom AU

[King! Zhongli x Female! Reader]

Notes: At first, I didn’t know what to write for the Valentine’s Gift in Discord. I was about to just write a Diluc fic when I came across the Cendrillon video. I rewatch it and loved the idea. Zhongli fits the prince (im making him a king here-) perfectly, this is going to follow the Vocaloid Cendrillon version (because the actual Cendrillon is basically the Cinderella movie-), but I’m gonna tweak it a bit. I hope I manage to capture Zhongli’s personality, atleast a little- 😅. Hope ya’ll like this!

Warning: small mentions of being blackmailed, abandonment and blood.

Word Count: 4.7k

» A valentine gift for @zhonglisemptywallet,, I hope you like this- hshshs

“Say, Zhongli, do you know the story of “Cendrillon”?” “Hm… it doesn’t ring a bell, I’m afraid. May I ask why you ask of that?” “I used to read it when I was young. Since you don’t know of it, would you like to read it together? Or are you currently busy?” “I was about to ask you if you want to have tea with me, but since you suggested that, of course I would read it together with you.” 

The warm hue of the light that illuminated the room and the chatter of the people within greeted you immediately when you stepped foot inside. Your eyes darted from person to person, not familiar with any of them. The target isn’t anywhere in the vicinity it seems, perhaps later. The warm atmosphere made you sigh in relief, it was a great contrast to the coldness of night outside. Not wanting to be of disturbance to those entering, you quickly went away from the entrance. You were overwhelmed by the grand interior of the room, walls decorated with golden brown and amber designs, one you usually find in an antique item, waves, vines, flowers, all sort of design. Golden-colored chandeliers hanging in the ceiling in a row, making the room brighter. The golden curtain being tied to the side, revealing the full moon in its finest glory. 

The palace king really likes golden-colored stuff, you noted. Everything looks so ancient, like there’s a history in every design and every item inside. Glancing around, you adjusted your dress, making sure your dagger isn’t visible underneath your skirt. An assassin tasked to kill the king of the Liyue nation. A joke, you thought at first, a child’s play. This task is usually seen in a fairytale, but you suppose it’s inevitable when you have 7 kingdoms, each with their respective king and queens. Breathing out a sigh, you take a glance at the moon. Your task is due at midnight, when the moon is high above the skies. Precise exact hour, no seconds shall pass. If failed, execution shall be your punishment. 

Then a ring rang through the room, gaining many’s attention including yours. You gaze at the balcony-like booths on the second floor, seeing familiar faces of the members of the Qixing. Them being here isn’t gonna make your mission any easier, well, it wasn’t easy to begin with. Quickly switching your attention to the butler, making sure your actions aren’t suspicious. “We thank you for attending this royal ball, hosted by our beloved King. I shall now introduce you to the special guests tonight.” The butler’s voice rang, sounding young yet stern. He nodded to the area of the Qixing members. “Please allow me to introduce Lady Ningguang of the Qixing, miss Keqing of the Qixing and Miss Ganyu of the Qixing.” 

Many people started clapping for them, you decided to join in them in order to not appear suspicious. Ningguang, in her fullest glory, stood up and waved elegantly to the people below her. Her eyes, which reminded you of Rubies, scanned the crowd before befalling on you. You stiffened at the coldness within, was her eyes always this harsh? You thought she was about to call you out but she simply turned around and sat on the throne-like chair. You breathe out a sigh of relief, closing your eyes when you feel the tension on your shoulder being released. But you knew that her gaze on you was a warning. She knew your intention, she could’ve called you out right there but she didn’t. Why? Was she amused that there was an assassin in the ball, wanting to kill the king? It doesn’t make sense.

You tuned out the butler, who was introducing the four Adepti, the counsel of the king. You couldn’t care less about them, but you were still on guard. Although they all respect their king and would kill anyone who dares to threaten his life, the young-looking guy is the one you’re watching out for. The young adepti, Xiao was his name, Conqueror of Demons, swift like the wind. “Now..” Your ears pick up as you look at the butler once more. “The moment you all have been waiting for. May I introduce the host of this evening, please applaud to the king of Liyue, Rex Lapis!” 

And just like that, an applaud of cheers erupted into the room when the king was announced. You joined in with the claps, feeling nervousness rising within you. Now’s not the time to get nervous. This is an important mission. You shall not fail this one. The light in your eyes darkened when the king made an appearance, there in his crowning light was Rex Lapis. With eyes like the Cor Lapis, hair like the soil of the land, and clothes fitting for a ruler. He has a small smile present on his face, as he nodded to the crowd. “Thank you for coming to my ball on this humble night. Please enjoy yourselves to the fullest with the prepared banquet and dance.” His voice is so soothing…

He reached out his hand, snapping his index and thumb. “Let the feast begin.” 

“What?” You breathed out, staring at the man before you with eyes wide and face in disbelief. Not knowing whether to laugh or what. The mission you’re given, to kill the king of Liyue, Rex Lapis. How absurd. “You expect me to kill that wanna-be king?” You scoffed, letting out a few chuckles. You thought it was a prank, a funny joke, and that your superior was made to do by one of his subordinates. You bet your money that it was that “Childe”. You tried searching his face, any sign of him lying or joking, but there wasn’t. He was serious. 

Coughing lightly, you straightened yourself up again, staring at the eyes of your superior. He sighed before placing a document on his desk, facing you, with a dagger on top. “You should be grateful that the Tsaritsa decided to give you this task, if I were to choose, I’d choose someone else. But alas, she chose you. How unfortunate.” He scoffed, shaking his head in disapproval. You paid his indirect insult no mind as you stared at the dagger, which you noticed was laced with poison. The dagger was silver in color, with the hilt decorated with light blue and white snowflakes. The end contains a Cor Lapis gem. 

Hesitantly, your hand rose to reach the dagger. You can feel the sharp eyes of your superior on you, taking note of your shaky hands and hesitated moves. When you finally grasp the well-designed dagger, your superior’s voice rang through the room once more.

“Do not fail this mission.”

How are you going to approach this exactly? You felt your sweat drop when you realized you didn’t prepare a plan on how to kill the king. Which is pretty dumb, now that your thinking about it. Like, what did you expect to happen? You going up to him and just stab him? Before your dagger could hit the king, your head is already on the ground. You groaned in frustration, leaning back on the white-colored pillar. Great, now you're stuck. You sighed, rubbing the nape of your neck, as you gaze at the scenery before you. 

Gazing at the people dancing, you couldn’t help but feel the green of envy rising within you. Unlike you, they have the best life. Once living in the slums of Snezhnaya, many times almost freezing to death. One of those times is when you met the queen of the frozen land, the Tsaritsa. Many wondered why she took you in, a girl abandoned in the streets. From her patience and pitied love for you, she took you in and made you a member of the organization known as the “Fatui”. Trained under a strict teacher, you grew up to be an assassin. An assassin whose hands are stained with the blood of the victims you killed for the Tsaritsa herself. 

“Excuse me.” A voice so silk, maturity evident in it, one that you heard earlier. You look up from your gaze at the ground to meet the eyes like the sun. From the distance, you didn’t notice how his white iris looks sharp, but now upon closer inspection, you can see it clearly. He gave you a soft smile, moving his hand from behind his back and extended it to you. You stared at it, confusion dancing in your eyes before gazing at the man you were destined to kill. “Would you care for a dance with me?” He said, amusement clear in his eyes. You felt your cheeks warmed up at your obliviousness. “Uhm… sure.” You said in a low voice, placing your hand on his. Despite the gloves you two are wearing, you can feel the warmth radiating from within. 

Feeling albeit awkward, obvious tension in the air, he guided you to the dance floor, hand firmly yet gently grasping yours. You weren’t sure if he noticed the air of tension surrounding you two or if he was simply ignoring it. Twirling you around a little bit, he stops your mini twirl by placing his large hand on your waist. You, knowing the dance steps ever since you had to undercover in a masquerade party, placed your hand on his shoulder and took a step back, him following suit by stepping forward. A dance with the king of Liyue, what a cliche moment. You can feel his eyes on you, feeling embarrassed about his obvious staring at you (and the stares you were getting around you), you continued staring at the amulet on his chest. 

“You know, when dancing, one must look at the eyes of their partner. Not at their chest.” The king said in a low voice, chuckling a little. How is he amused at this situation? The king is really a strange person. Flushing in embarrassment for getting called out, you look up to meet his expectant gaze. Seeing his lips quirking up as your gaze met his, he tilted his head slightly as he spun you around in tune with the others and held you close when you faced him once more. “Tell me, where do you hail from? I don’t think I’ve ever seen your face before.” You knew that this was coming, so you rehearsed your answer while going here. “I came from Inazuma, being sent here by my father, Chief Haruki. I came as a replacement for him, he humbly apologizes that he cannot be here at the ball tonight.” It wasn’t technically a lie, chief Haruki was indeed a real person living in Inazuma and was secretly working for the Fatui. 

You noticed how his eyes narrowed slightly, yet his entire face still remains unchanged. Closing his eyes while sighing softly. “I see.” You stared at him a couple of minutes before opening your mouth. “The people around us.. They’re not all nobles, are they?” Asking softly, only reserved to the two of you. His eyes scanning the people around you two before leaning in your ear, his hot breath near your ear made shivers run down your spine. “Quite an eye you have, my dear. But nevertheless, you are correct. Some of them are the orphans I’ve taken in under my wing.” You let out a chuckle. “How noble of you, your highness.” “Call me Morax instead.” Leaning back, he lets go of your waist as he clasps his gloved-hands on yours, dragging you gently. 

You raised a brow at this. “And where do you think you are taking me, Mr. Morax? I have no intention of doing any frisky rendezvous with you.” You can hear him laughing in front of you, turning his head to the side to glance at you. “Rest assured, my dear. I have no intention to take you to bed. I just thought a fresh air is what we need.” He explained, chuckling at the end before facing forward again. Flushing a bit at his laughter, you pouted while glaring at him. “You could’ve just told me that.” You mumbled angrily. He simply ignored your complaints, using his free hand to push open a door leading to a garden. 

You marveled at the sight of it, it was beautifully decorated with glaze lilies and silk flowers. Adding to the beauty were neon-orange-colored butterflies flying around. While you were in awe at your surroundings, you didn’t notice the fond look that the king was giving to you. He lets go of your hand as he steps forward into the enchanting garden. Missing already his large hand against yours, you followed suit, resisting the urge to hold his hand once more. “What a beautiful garden.” “Thank you for your kind words.” He slightly leaned forward to hold a glaze lily in his hand. “Did you know that glaze lilies only reveal their beauty at the sound of music? A pure song, one that used to belong to someone who loved this flower more than any other.” He said, on his face is a gentle smile, yet you noted how sad it seems. 

His eyes and smile so captivating and warm, yet hiding so many secrets. It made you want to know more about the man in front of you, not as the ruler Rex Lapis but as Morax. You stayed silent as you gaze at the flower in his hand. “They used to be everywhere in Liyue, but now… there are hardly any of them left. They are now rare and almost to the brink of being extinct.” He said, not hiding or masking the sadness in his voice as he lets go of the flower. Straightening his back again, turning to look at you, smiling apologetically at you. “Apologies. It seems like I went into my infamous rants.” Morax said, bowing his head slightly. 

You shake your head, smiling in return. “It’s fine. Your voice is oddly.. soothing.” He chuckles at your comment. “Indeed. I have gotten comments about my voice being soothing to hear.” “That’s why I shall suggest that you continue your rant. I can see it in your eyes that you have much more you want to share.” You chuckled. His eyes widened a bit, surprised that you manage to see through him before shaking his head slightly while huffing in amusement. “You are an interesting girl, my dear.”

“Why should I have a ball to begin with?” The question left Rex Lapis’ lips before he could stop them, making every head within the room turn their heads to the king. He doesn’t need to host a ball when there is no special occasion to celebrate as. “Rex Lapis, you must understand that the nation needs two rulers. A king and a queen. It would not only be beneficial for the people, but for you as well.” Ningguang explained, spinning her smoking pipe around her fingers, her gaze sharp as ever. Her red eyes staring at Rex Lapis’ face, curious at what his reaction would be. Rex Lapis only sighed. “I see..”

Closing his eyes as he stands up from his chair, opening his eyes to look at his fellow Adepti and the people in the Qixing. “I think this meeting is over. I shall take my leave now. Good day to you all.” Without any wait for a reply, he quickly left the room. When the door closed behind him, he sighed deeply as he started walking to his sanctuary, the garden. The garden that used to belong to his previous wife, the previous queen of Liyue. Opening the doors, he smiled at the beauty of the garden. It was as if she never left. 

He sat down on a nearby bench, gazing fondly at the geo-Crystalfly, only landing beside him. He gazes at it before sighing once more, running a hand through his hair, messing up his front hair slightly. “‘A new queen’ they said. ‘Beneficial for both the people of Liyue and me’ she said. I don’t understand mortals at all.” Rex Lapis tried to understand the minds of his people, but he still can’t grasp how extreme their minds can be sometimes. And this makes Rex Lapis more intrigued with them even more. The growing desire inside him continues to grow each passing day. Since when did this desire to be one of the mortals began? Was it when his late wife used to speak so fondly of them? He’s not sure but a thought kept lingering at the back of his mind, his attention shifting from the butterfly to the silhouette of Liyue Harbor in the distance. 

Should he leave the crown for good now?

He gazes at the blue-colored sky above, silver linings around the clouds as they form various shapes. “... not yet.” He whispers to himself. “It’s not yet the right time.”

Your laughter breaking the silence of the night as Rex Lapis finished telling a tale. It seemed like his knowledge about many things concerning Liyue is unending, you didn’t mind listening to him ranting about how the Guhua Plains came to be, how the rocks formed in various places in Liyue, and so on. A blush dust your cheeks as you stared at Rex Lapis who was about to tell a story yet again. Suddenly a sudden gush of cold wind blew your way, making you visibly shiver, cursing in your head for not wearing something suitable for the cold. You blink when you felt something placed on your shoulder, looking up, you noticed that Rex Lapis wasn’t anymore wearing his coat. Connecting the dots, and looking at your shoulders, you felt your face become more warm when you realized he noticed you shivering and gave you his fancy coat. “T-Thanks..” You mumbled, clutching his coat tightly while giving him a shy smile. “It is only right for me to share my coat when I was the one who dragged you out in this freezing evening, no?” He chuckles as he picks up where he left off in his tale. 

You stared at his back, now noticing how well-built he is from behind. You tried your hardest to not stare at his lower area, it is sacrilegious afterall. You let out a loving sigh, but that made your eyes widened in horror. Deep inside you, you felt something unknown yet so familiar. It was welcoming and warm. Heart thumping widely in your chest, the warm feeling spreading, the warm smile and that sigh just now. Realization struck you hard, making you even more scared than before. The horrifying truth you’ve concluded when adding all of your symptoms. You were falling in love with him. 

Rex Lapis noticed that you stopped walking judging from the lack of footsteps behind him, his words trailing off as he turned around to see what was wrong only to be surprised at tears falling from your wide eyes. “Are you alright, love? Why are you crying? Did I say something that made you cry? If I did so, I apologize sincerely.” He was panicking. It was evident in his voice that he’s panicking as he walks to you and wipe away the tears flowing with his thumb. Worry etched his face as he gazed at your [E/C] eyes. You continued to sob, not anymore needing to hide the tears. Why? Why did you have to fall in love with someone you were meant to kill?

What made you even more surprised, and made your poor heart jump, is when Rex Lapis leaned in and kissed your eyes. “Shh.. Don’t cry. Tears don't suit your beauty afterall.” You felt your face heat up at his action, wanting to shy away from him but at the same time, wanting more of his gentle touch and lips. You sniffed as his hands wiped away your leftover tears. Looking at him, you were met with his gentle and reassuring gaze. A smile that says everything would be alright. Lies. You inhaled sharply as your eyes travelled from his face to the clock, conveniently placed, behind him. It was almost midnight. His death is almost due. 

Please don’t let the bells sound for midnight. Please no. 

But you knew you needed to. Despite the limited time you two have, he was able to give you unforgettable memories that you’ll forever cherish with all your heart. Who knew you were into this kind of cheesiness? Childe would always tease you about being secretly cheesy, it seems like he’s right about this one. “... Are you alright, love? Is there something still wrong?” Your gaze shifted back to Morax, who was looking at you with great concern. You take a deep breath. It’s now or never.

You gave him a smile, a smile holding regret and love for the king. Even if your feelings were mutual, it would still remain unrequited as you take his life. “Thank you for this night, my king. This has been a wonderful evening indeed.” Rex Lapis stared at you with a blank face, his smile that you were used to seeing isn’t anymore visible in his face. It was replaced by a hard and stoic face. Deafening silence surrounds you both in this chilly evening, the silence making you shift slightly. After what seems like forever, he opens his mouth to speak. “You sound like you’re saying farewell. The ball hasn’t reached its conclusion yet.” You can feel tears starting to build in your eyes again as you forced them back. “I’m really sorry.”

Before he could make a comment about your apology, you grab your dagger and try to stab him through the chest but thanks to his fast reflexes, he was able to dodge at the last minute. Your dagger grazing at his clothes slightly. His eyes wide, maybe he was surprised at your betrayal? Was he furious? Would he call for the guards now? You cannot hesitate, not now. Not when you’re so close in fulfilling your mission. You went for the kill again, and without missing a beat, he dodge, catching your hand in the process. “Stop this, my love.” He whispered in your ear. You inhaled sharply, feeling your heart fluttering from the closeness, but you shouldn’t let this feeling of yours get in the way of finishing the king. 

Summoning a dagger made out of water, using your ‘delusion’, on your other hand, you strike him with it. Rex Lapis eyes widened as he tried to dodge your incoming second dagger by jumping back, but he wasn’t fast enough as it stabbed him in the side. He groans, placing his hand on the wound. The blood was staining his shirt as he clicked his tongue. You huffed, breathing in and out before opening your eyes, clouded with bloodlust and nothingness. It was glowing beneath your bangs. “Target spotted. Killing target now.” Your voice resembles a robot, a mindless slave. 

His eyes saddened at the thought of what you have been through to be like this. He knew you were after his life, Xiao and his fellow Adepti warned him about this. But he was intrigued by you the moment he laid his eyes on your lonesome figure. Even though you tried to hide it, he noticed how your eyes shone with awe as you gaze at the ornaments decorated the room. Cute, that was his thought. A childish girl behind the cold facade. Interesting. He knew you were part of the ‘Fatui’. He knew that you were ordered to kill him before midnight. He knew and yet he didn’t care. The possibility of dying in your hands still lingers at the back of his mind, yet he can’t help but get drawn to you. You were special in his eyes. A glaze lily, so rare and beautiful. 

You could even say he was falling in love with you with each passing second he spent with you.

Rex Lapis lets out a chuckle at the thought of his fellow Adepti reprimanding him for falling for you, but he can’t do anything about it. A heart wants what a heart wants, he knew that perfectly. And from his foolish love for you, he allowed you to strike him in the chest, piercing the amulet in the process. Your eyes widened at what you did, not believing what you had just seen. Why didn’t he move? He could perfectly dodge it like he did earlier so why? While your mind is in a frenzy, he allowed himself to hug you in his chest as he bled out. 

“W-Why-? Why didn’t.. you dodge?” You whispered in pure disbelief. He chuckles, running his hand through your hair, destroying its style earlier. “Who knows..? Even I am wondering that.” Feeling himself weakening, he pulls himself away from you as he gaze tenderly in your wide, frightened eyes. He smiles gently, moving closer to kiss your forehead. “You should probably get going, my love.. You wouldn’t want to get caught by the Millelith now.” He whispered. You didn’t say anything as you pulled away from his hold. Looking at his eyes as he nodded his head, urging you to go. Without saying anything, you run away. Stumbling a bit with your heels, you felt it slipping from your feet but you could care less about it as you continued to run, leaving the shoe behind. 

Watching as your figure disappeared from view, he placed a hand over his wound, feeling himself healing from his wounds. He knew he wouldn’t just die from a simple stab. What he didn’t account for is that the dagger you used is laced with poison, making him weak, to the point he has to sit on the ground. Huffing and puffing his eyes landed on the forgotten glass slipper, chuckling a bit. “Maybe.. It is truly time to depart.” 

“Eh? What do you mean Rex Lapis disappeared?!” 

“Calm yourself, Keqing. There must be an explanation for this, I presume?”

“We don’t know, lady Ningguang. We tried searching for his highness everywhere but he can’t be found. But there was blood in the garden along with a glass slipper.”

“Hm… I see.”

“What should we do then? We can’t just tell the people that Rex Lapis just mysteriously disappeared.”

“I speculate it was an attempt of assassination. But the question is, where is he? Where is his body?”

“An assassination for the king?! Who would dare to do such a thing?!”

“Hm… let us think this thoroughly with the Adepti. Now that Rex Lapis is gone, we must take over as the Qixing of Liyue.”

“... alright.”

“You. Call the Adepti. An important meeting is about to happen.”

“Yes, lady Ningguang.”

“.. Your highness?” Appearing before you like the wind was the king himself, but you noted his appearance changed. Despite still appearing all regal, he seems more lax than the last time you appeared before him. Guilt consumed you when memories of that night came rushing to you, but it made you wonder. Why was he here before you? Why was he still alive? Weeks passed since you ‘killed’ Rex Lapis. But it appears you failed your mission since his highness is before you, looking healthy and alive. Questions filled your mind, making you more confused than ever. The Qixing and the Adepti have already announced his passing, his Rite of Passing was due a few days from now. So what exactly happened-?

“It seems my appearance has confused you, my dear.” He chuckled, calm as ever with the same amused glint in his eyes. You tried searching for anger or resentment in them, for ‘killing’ him but you couldn’t find any. All you saw was amusement and affection. “Why are you still alive..? Did the Qixing and the Adepti lie about your death..?” You asked, your voice barely a whisper. “.. may I at least come inside? I’ll explain it to you once we’re out of the public eye.” He said. You numbly nodded, still couldn’t wrap your head around Rex Lapis still being alive. Did the poison not work? Did I fail my mission-?

“By the way… you mustn’t call me Rex Lapis or Morax anymore.” He said, entering your humble home. Staring at you with the eyes you fell in love with, the same one glinting beneath the moonlight and under the light of the dozen chandeliers. “Call me Zhongli.”

[x] Main Page || [x] Liyue Page

[zerokogane]

Pt 2 of me needing to scream about certain fics so here are some of my favorite persona 5 fanfics (be warned most of these of not all are going to be shuake and ongoing)

https://archiveofourown.org/works/11855097

Shuake, ongoing, rated M, 154k+

Discerption:

Akechi Goro is alive – one of his biggest regrets is alive and standing in front of him looking like he’s ready for some highbrow sports photo shoot when what he really needs is five years intensive therapy and at least five more steps away from Akira.

No, no, no – the universe is not allowed to shove this on him so soon after it just flung him three fucking years into the past.

(Sometimes the only way to save someone is to let them save you first.)

(Huge canon divergence. Akira's past and future affect him big time.)

https://archiveofourown.org/works/30228501/chapters/74488923

No ships,ongoing, rated T, 18k+

Discerption:

Even the simplest of decisions can challenge fate.

As it so happens, the 11th of April was supposed to be a fateful one. But as Akira prepares for his first day at Shujin Academy, he notices the dark clouds hanging above Leblanc, and decides to take his umbrella. And while he arrives at Shujin a little rained on and more than a little harried, he manages to arrive on time.

Two weeks later, a strange group calling themselves the Phantom Thieves steal their first heart.

--

Or, the one where Akira becomes the Phantom Thieves’ target instead of their leader.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/21359908/chapters/50877694

No ships, ongoing, rated T, 36k+

Discerption:

Morgana still thought the transfer student was cool; that much was clear when Mona came strolling through the entrance of Mementos with Amamiya on his heels. ...They'd known that if Morgana was fulfilling Phansite requests, he must be accessing the internet with the help of a human, but they hadn't expected that human to be Ren Amamiya. The guy had been requested on the site himself no fewer than four times.

Or: in another timeline, things go a little differently when Morgana leaves the team. Instead of finding a beauty thief, he allies himself with the transfer student who's still a mystery to the Phantom Thieves.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/27427372/chapters/67045327

Shuake, ongoing, rated T, 9k+

Discerption:

Goro’s mother never committed suicide and continued to raise Goro for years regardless of how much money she had or what food she could put on the table.

Goro is grateful for everything his mother has done and resents his father with every fiber of his being. Using his rookie detective skills to put his father behind bars.

Akira is a curious transfer student from Inaba who finds himself drawn in by Goro Akechi’s mysterious nature, and naturally tries to find out more.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/27602039/chapters/67525049

Shuake, ongoing, rated M, 46k+

Discerption:

Akira knew this wasn't normal. That the life he had come to know was overlapped with a mystery he was unwillingly tied to.

Every decision has consequences. Avoid one terrible fate and you may cause another.

Although it would be great if he knew what the hell was happening in the first place.

~~~

A New Game+ where Akira’s decisions are influenced (whether intentionally or not) by an influx of scattered memories from a past life he has no idea about. And the metaverse has changed, for the better or worse.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/31549295/chapters/78053357

pegoryu, ongoing, rated T, 21k+

Discerption:

"You are Phantom!" Ann shouted as she saw the man with the domino mask landing in front of them.

The man smiled at her. His red eyes behind the mask had yet again managed to entrance them making them follow every movement he did. He elegantly bowed at them as his deep charismatic and gentle voice echoed through the room.

"I am quite pleased that you recognize me. But that name is just the one that fans have given me."

He stood up and a splash appeared behind him destroying the shadow. He smirked at them as he fixed his glove.

"The name is Joker. And the Show's over."

An au fic that explores the idea of what if Akira was already a phantom thief before the events of P5. It follows the story of P5, plus P5R but with different outcomes.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/31056191/chapters/76721054

Shuake + others, ongoing, rated T, 10K+

Discerption:

misterstealyourmans: aaanyways

misterstealyourmans: mishima told me of an idea he had and i was going to tell it to everyone

misterstealyourmans: but i forgot everyone else is cowards that actually have sleep schedules

tinygremlin: ew sleep schedules

tinygremlin: get it away, kill it with fire

After killing two gods in a row, you'd think your life would go back to normal, wouldn't you?

If you're the Phantom Thieves of Hearts, think again.

(Or, the PT get the ability to talk amongst themselves and the anons of the Phan-site more. Chaos ensues.)

https://archiveofourown.org/works/31097024

No ships, one-shot, 5k+

Discerption:

After the interrogation, the Phantom Thieves stay the night at LeBlanc to care for their leader.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/24690265

Shuake, one-shot, rated G, 2k+

Discerption:

"i have to go," goro tells him. even as he remains curled up in ren's arms, his wings brushing up against the raven's own larger ones, mottled cream contrasting against dark black. "sakura-san is going to be over here any time, i have to leave before he gets here."

"but why?"

[marindram]

full transcription of Marin's blog from Omega Mart!

huge thanks to @b0chelly for recording a scroll-through, which i typed this out from. (and warning for Omega Mart lore/story spoilers. second half is in reblog)

Marinknows.best

Location: Seven Monolith Village

Last Login: 12/31/2019

Profile Views: 101,275

About me: I love listening to music and glitter

Friends (0)

June 26, 2018

Happy Birthday to meeeeeeeeee!

So 14 feels way different than 13. For real. I think it's because I was expecting 13 to feel different, but sometimes when you expect something it turns out the opposite ya know?

Plus, 13 is like, "I'm new to being a teenager!!"

14 is more like, "I'm becoming the person I want to be." At least that's how I want it to be. I wanted to start this blog as a record of all that.

I should ask Did you guys feel the same way when you turned 13 and 14?

But probably nobody's gonna read this because I'm just a weirdo in the weird dessert. I mean, I know my best friend Jesse is reading this (hi Jesse). Besides her, crickets.

But yeah, if you are reading this and you don't know me - I live in Seven Monolith Village, a teensy tiny town that you've only heard of if you're into aliens or homesteading. And I'm literally stuck. As in, I'm physically unable to leave. My first memories are of all the adults in my life (Charlie, my great-uncle/father-figure - Rose, my what? Roommate? Mother-figure? Pseudo-aunt? All of the above? and my mom, Cecelia. who doesn't live here) telling me that for some reason, there's something wrong with me that makes it so I can't leave a certain radius of where we live. I got older and thought that they were just exaggerating to keep me safe, but then last year I tried. And it was, let's just say not good.

Anyway. That part of my life sucks, but not everything sucks. This year is all about Marin Dram 2.0. Not new, but definitely improved.

And maybe someday, somehow somebody will read this and care about what I have to say. Somebodies, even. Until then, this is Marin Dram signing off and sending my lame contemplations into the void!

July 1, 2018

Things I Want To Do Before I Turn 20 (and some of these will never happen like are literally unable to happen but JUST LET ME DREAM

1. Kiss someone (who???)

2. Meet HTB (kiss him) (jk he would never) (plus meeting him would be enough)

3. Go to Paris

4. Go to Rome (or somewhere cooler in Italy, look up where is the best pasta???)

5. Go to Greenland (why not???)

6. Go to New York City

7. Go to LA (with a dream and my cardigan lol)

8. Go to the Grand Canyon (this isn't mine, but 9, Jesse is sitting right here and she went to the GC when we were 12 and she's like blah blah blah it's my favorite place in the world and you'll love it. I'm doing this so she'll shut up.

9. Live in a normal house with normal rooms → ideally 12 of them: living room AND TV room, kitchen, dining room, 3 bathrooms, 3 bedrooms, study/library.

-plus an upstairs downstairs

-I'm willing to compromise on the number of rooms as long as there's more than ONE for TWO PEOPLE and I got my own

-plus an upstairs/downstairs

-I'm willing to compromise on the number of rooms as long as there's more than ONE for TWO PEOPLE and I get my own room with an actual door. Very into doors.

10. Go to a mall (Jesse says there's a bunch of bonkers ones in Vegas)

11. Make friends who aren't Jesse (no offense, Jesse)

12. Get Cecelia (my "mom") to teach me about business stuff so I can open my own cool coffeeshop/bookstore someday

13. Learn to drive (ask Charlie to teach me, he's obsessed with his truck) (Jesse says she can teach me because she's Little Miss Mechanic and thinks she knows everything about cars but news flash Jesse: you're you get than me)

14. Figure out my signature style- like I want people to send me pictures of things and be like "this just screamed Marin" and for that to be true

15. Liquid eyeliner??

16. I'm stopping here because I just read over all this and want to die/cry because easily 3/4 of these are literally impossible?

17. Kill me

18. Bye

19. Lololol Charlie just came in and I was complaining about this, not being able to leave and stuff, etc and he said that I should visit new places by... reading books?? And I mean I like to read. But dude. That's the dumbest thing I've ever head.

July 30, 2018

Okay so this is what I want my life to look like:

I want a pink room. Not just pink... P I N K. Cool pink wallpaper (floral? jacquard??), pink carpet, lots of pink flowers everywhere, a four-poster bed with a pink silk canopy, lots of cool pink throw pillows. Like, so pink that

people think I'm being sarcastic! Oh, and BOOKS. Floor-to-ceiling bookcases, and some of the shelves have, like, STUFF on them that isn't books, like gifts people gave me, or things I've collected on my JOURNEYS. You know, normal stuff that people who live on normal places and do normal things have.

If I lived in in this room, it'd be in awhite three-story house at the end of a cul-de-sac (did you know "culs-de-sac" is the plural? Not "cul-de-sacs"? crazy) and I'd wear very classic girly clothes and my hair would always do what I wanted it to. It'd be one of those towns that people call small, but it's actually a city. just one with a kinda small, cozy feeling. Somewhere that gets cold enough to wear cute jackets but not so cold I have to to like, shovel my driveway. Not a non-place with like 100 people where you can't even go outside without going crazy.

August 2nd, 2018

I guess I should explain where I live, for all my avid fans out there! (lol) (hello??)

So like... I don't live on Earth. At least, not the Earth you think of when you think of EARTH. I live in some some weird off-brand version of Earth called the Forked Earth where there are aliens and magic wells of magic energy and everything is MAGIC but like the crappy kind of magic, where the sun never fully rises and some goo called "runoff" has made everything wacky and oh yeah, my mom is responsible for that and everyone here hates her!! LOL

Also, I can't leave! Like, literally can't! Rose says I'm a "special child of Source" and that's why but that LITERALLY explains tells me nothing, in fact it just raises further questions that no one can seem to answer! AHHHHHHHHHH

Anyway, the last time I tried to leave I felt. When I try to leave I feel like I'm being pulled back by something, like you know those old cartoons where someone's on stage doing something dumb and then someone offstage pulls them away with a giant shepard's crook? It felt like that, and when I opened my eyes I was back in 7 Monolith Village. UGH.

I know this sounds crazy!!!!! But believe me when I say that I am the least crazy person here. Also, """here""" is C R A Z Y. Runoff has made everything the bad kind of psychedelic and then people here actually DRINK IT! Not only do I not DRINK THE STUFF THAT HAS MADE THE WORLD INSANE, I also do not talk to aliens (or whatever Nula are) like Rose or believe crazy conspiracy theories like Charlie, so I believe that qualifies me as the most normal person in the Forked Earth, thank you for this honor, I accept this award with humility and grace!

September 4, 2018

I had the weirdest dream last night?? I was swimming in a pool full of cereal, and when I came up for air, my mom was pouring milk on my head like she was rinsing my hair. She had her hand over my face like I was a little kid and she was shielding me from soap getting in my eyes.

Anyway I have no idea what it's supposed to mean. I went to bed hungry and I need to take a shower? Lol

October 16, 2018

I was trying to hide this entry from Jesse, but JESSE IS A NOSY PERSON. She says that blogs are for readers, and if I wanted something to be private then I should "Just write in a fucking notebook and hide it under your bed like a normal person, Marin." I'm allowed to have secrets!! Anyway, I'm making her a freaking playlist, that's why I wouldn't tell her what I was writing about. but EVEN STILL! I'm allowed to have secrets!! But I have this blog because I wanna get my feelings out, I wanna see everything in my head typed out all nice in a way that doesn't make it look insane. You know? I don't know who I'm asking.) Because, it's not like I go to a normal school or have a normal life where I'm surrounded by normal people I can talk to. No one knows about me! I'm trapped in this crazy place and This blog is my only outlet to the world outside. I KNOW that's heavy but it's true! The point is: Jesse's birthday is coming up. The central consistent thing in pretty much my whole life is sharing headphones with her and listening to music. The soundtrack to my entire existence is her. I wish I had money and could buy her the best presents of all time, but I can make her the best playlist of all time. I want it to be so good it feels like magic. I want her to think I'm magic. I had another dream the other night. I don't remember much, just glitter. I must be crafting too much. Or looking at festival makeup tutorials. Or both.

November 12, 2018

WARNING- Weird thoughts ahead, lol.

I can never tell which feelings are normal, and which are me being a giant weirdo. But for as long as I can remember, I've had this feeling like every part of my body that's possible to have a ribbon tied around it, has a ribbon tied around it. It's so weird. I can't see the other end of the ribbons - how far they go. where they're attached, nothing. And sometimes it's fine, because sometimes I can hardly feel them. I can forget about them for days at a time, weeks, months if I'm lucky. But then other times I can feel them like, pulling at me. It's freaking spooky, to have something pulling at you from somewhere you can't see. I can't tell if it's pulling me toward whatever it is? Or if it's trying to warn me? Or if I'm just insane??

Does that make sense? Does anybody else feel that way? (she asks into the void)

So idk I guess this ribbons-feeling is why I'm really careful all the time. Like I'm just a careful person. Charlie tried to give me a hard time about it, and I can't be like "I don't wanna pull back in the ribbons too hard without realizing it and wreck something!" because he'd be like "WTF Marin, do we need to get you help?" But also, more and more, I want to be the opposite of careful. I want to take a pair of comically oversized scissors and cut the ribbons into so many pieces that nobody can even tell what they are any more.

I don't know why I'm such a freak, only that I am. I don't know why I can't leave 7 Monolith, only that I can't. But there must be a reason, even if I can't see it, and I feel like it makes sense that the ribbons-feeling is part of that reason, right?

There's just a lot.

January 15, 2019

Happy new year! Lol I forgot to write on the actual first day of 2019, but OH WELL!

I got this new glitter nail polish, thanks to the monthly makeup subscription box my "mom" sends me as an outlet for her abandonment guilt. It has like, every color glitter imaginable without quite reading as "rainbow" which is fine just not really what I was in the mood for and it's vaguely halographic and shifts into all these different colors depending on the light. I'm obsessed. Anyway.

I was putting on another layer because I chipped it like 20 minutes into wearing it, and all of a sudden I had this feeling like I recognized the glitter? Like I felt this thing way deep in my gut and for a minute I couldn't breathe. It's the closest thing I've felt to how books and movies make Christmas look. Like I was home, with family, cookies and cider and all that stuff. Familiar and safe. I almost didn't recognize that feeling. And it came from the nail polish. How weird is that.

I mean, I don't want to make it sound like I've had this awful Charles Dickens childhood - Rose and Charlie are the best ever and always there for me and I love them a lot. But things never feel like...home. You know?

My mom always says this cryptic stuff about how I'm "special" and I wanna strangle her because I'm not, but you try getting my mom to stop doing anything she wants to do. Rose told me once that one day, I would "lead the charge into a new era of existence and access" because I'm "of the Source" and I was like uhhhh okay?? Charlie mostly treats me pretty normal, except when I ask him questions about our family. my mom or any Dram. He knows that I want to know more about them and he's my only real entrypoint, but apparently he's like the black sheep of that whole family. He and my mom were close way back right before I was born, but now whenever she comes to visit he barely even looks at her.

So that's to say: nobody tells me anything, ever.

January 16, 2019

Okay this is so weird. I wrote that entry yesterday about glitter and then last night I dreamed about glitter. Then I woke up with purple glitter in my bed?? Like not a lot, so at first I thought it was from my nail polish, but it was just a handful of purely purple glitter that looks nothing like my nail polish. SO WEIRD!!!!!!

February 14, 2019

Rose has an old book full of "ye olde" style fairy tales, and I flipped through it for the first time in forever today.

Not so weirdly, I've always been drawn to the story of Rapunzel.

Rapunzel couldn't leave the tower, or else she'd break her neck and die.

Same.

February 19, 2019

I was reading this article the other day in one of the teen magazines my "mom" gets me a subscription to and it was all about body positivity, which is great, but it was basically just like "wear a crop top if you wannna wear a crop top! it doesn't matter what size you are! You go, girl!" And like, sure. Yes. I am all for that. But doesn't it seem like there are some steps missing in there? Like, I can physically put on a crop top and wear it outside. But how do I convince myself that everybody isn't looking at me and making fun of me in their minds? How do I unlearn the last almost-fifteen years? How do I get actually positive about my body, not just put on a crop top and fight the urge to cry all day?

It's the same thing like when my mom sends me brochures from the CEO camp she ten when she was my age (her dad started the camp for her, which is an insane thing just by itself, but she did all the work, which is even more insane) and she's like "Marin, you lack direction for your life" and I'm like, cool mom. Yeah. I can see that. What I can't see is how to get there from here.

March 2, 2019

This is what I want my life to look like, volume 2:

The walls of my room are covered in Polaroids of me and my friends. There are lots of mirrors in all kinds of shapes. hearts and moons and stars. There's a record player and a lot of vintage records by Billie Holiday and Lena Horne and Peggy Lee and Nina Simone. And Christmas lights! Everywhere! Lots of of pink and purple Christmas lights everywhere.

If I lived in this room, I'd have so many friends and be part of so many clubs. My best friend would have a collection of vintage cameras, and every place we go to that has a photo booth, we'd get photos taken. Every time I'd look at myself in one of those mirrors, I'd feel happy at what I see and never weird or sad. (Jesse hates taking pictures, so even when I actually do normal stuff with her there's no evidence. What even is a life supposed to be without evidence? That's not an actual question you need to answer Jesse, it's just a question)

Anyway, if I lived in this kind of room, my mom would probably be like, an art history professor at a liberal arts college. That's how come everything looks so cool, because I would know stuff about art. My mom and I would love to try new recipes together. We get each other new cookbooks for every special occasion, and right now we're working out way through a Moroccan one. Moroccan Mondays.

In actuality, there's a dust storm happening outside and my eyes sting.

March 9, 2019

Here's what I'm obsessed with lately.

Can. You. EVEN???

February 3, 2020

Omg I totally forgot this blog existed!!

I lost the password and instead of just resetting it I got in one of my super stubborn moods (Taurus moon lol) and just kept putting in guesses and jokes on me, it locked me out. Anyway, that's a boring story.

But my friend Ximena is really good at hacking and stuff, so she got me back in. Yeah you read that right - I have friends. Obviously a lot has happened since my last post. Ximena moved out here a couple months ago (X's family used to live here but they moved away a while ago) and she introduced me to Lora who I sorta-not-really already knew, and Jesse and I have been hanging out with them a ton. Jesse kind of more than me. Which is fine!!

Anyway I'm 15 now? If I lived somewhere normal I'd be psyched about almost being 16, because I'd get a car and have a Sweet Sixteen and eat a huge PINK cake, but I don't!

February 16, 2020

I read this fanfic the other night that was written in the second person so everything was like "you." "you're doing this" etc you know?

So... You go to a drive-in movie with Heartthrob Boy, and he spills soda on you by accident. And you take off your shirt ( you have a tank top on, don't worry) to clean it up, bit you're still all sticky and self-conscious about being sticky and HTB like... used his tongue to get it off??? AAHHHHH I'M DISGUSTING

but also I wonder if a boy will ever touch any part of me with his tongue

March 2, 2020

Hi I don't know if you heard but I have friends :)))

March 15, 2020

I think I'm so into painting my nails and doing my hair because those are things that always fit. I don't have to worry about places not carrying about a size 8, or places that carry XLs but when you read the measurements they're actually size 8s too and it's like jesus if that's an XL what am I

My "mom" was confused why I needed new pants because mine still look new, but I showed her the thigh holes and she was like "that's a weird place for a hole, how did that happen" and I realized that when your legs are a certain size, you just don't know about thigh rub and what it does to clothes. Pants could just last for years.

No matter what, I can paint my nails with a different color nail polish on every finger, and I can always do a braid crown. And I know I'm cute as hell, etc, so this is not a Marin Needs to Learn to Love Herself thing. It's just an UGH thing

April 17, 2020

So Rose does all these Source experiments on plants and flowers and stuff. Tbh, it's just one if those things I hardly even register anymore because it's just always there. She's explained to me a million times what Source is/does/means, but the way Rose explains things sometimes is just a LOT to take in and she refers to me as a "child of Source" but I kinda figure that's like "child of God" right? What else would that mean?

But anyway, it's really annoying because dried flowers are a part of my new aesthetic and I pinned a bunch of them up on my wall but I woke up this morning to a freaking jungle of very alive flowers. I freaked out. on Rose, and she Rose said she didn't do it and I was like WELL THEN WHO DID and she said that I did??

Which like. Obviously that doesn't make sense. I asked her what she meant and She just shook her head and said " It's happening. We should have known" which is some horror movie shit that she refused to elaborate on. I love to feel safe and normal!!

Or maybe it's not a horror movie at all. But maybe it's a superhero movie? Maybe there's some kind of origin story I don't know about yet, and all of this will be worth it once I figure out my powers. I wonder what my costume will look like. Lol.

April 23, 2020

Is it possible to die from longing? I know that sounds melodramatic, but I'm also kinda serious?? Because it seems like one of those things that could fester and get infected and kill you. It's like when you fall down and bang up your knee, and you need to put a band-aid on the scrape for a while, but THEN you need to air it out - but how do you know when you're supposed to do each one of those things? And if you do either one too much, your knee gets infected. What if I smother my heart with band-aids for too long and it gets infected? This isn't about anybody. I just keep having these dreams about someone I never expected to have dreams about and they're so intense that they keep leaking into my life and I wonder if I need to do something about them.

May 2, 2020

So Jesse's gotten really into metal music, and I tried to get her to play me something since, AS PREVIOUSLY ESTABLISHED, that's what we've literally ALWAYS DONE with music and each other, and she kinda looked at Ximena out of the corner of her eye and said like "I don't think it's really your thing" And it was the meanest thing anybody's ever said to me.

So later I looked up Zenion, the band she was talking about, and I listened to every single fucking song they've ever recorded turned up as loud as it could go with my own headphones that are better than hers anyway, and I loved it. And I didn't love it just because she said I wouldn't. I loved it because it was loud and weird and wild and when I listened to it it made me feel like it's not crazy when so feel stuff so hard it's like my heart's gonna vibrate out of my body. And I would have told Jesse all this and we could have shared it, but I guess she thinks just because I like HTB and glitter and stuff, I don't have the capacity for anything else.

She clearly doesn't know me at all. So much for any kind of whatever, why would she ever want to kiss someone she clearly sees as like a stupid baby.

May 7, 2020

The dreams are getting weirder and they're happening more. I'm getting scared to go to sleep. Not that the dreams are always scary (they almost never are, or not scary like in a typically scary horror movie way). I mean, I've only ever been me. I don't know what other peoples' dreams are like.

The other night in one I was jumping on a trampoline, which is something I've never done in real life. I told Rose about it when I woke up, and she said "do you even know how to jump on a trampoline?" and I said "Rose, it's not like riding a bike. You don't have to learn. You just jump." and then we got into this whole thing about how some things we just know, and jumping's one of them, and how that's so weird. Sometimes I really like talking to Rose about stuff.

May 19, 2020

So, it's prom season in the real world. If I lived somewhere normal, my prom dress would be pink with lots of tulle and silk flowers at the shoulders, and it would fit perfectly and trying in dresses would be fun and not anxiety-inducing.

But since there are only like 10 teenagers currently in 7MV, were not having a homecoming. Cool.

May 27, 2020

So, mom came to visit this weekend, and I asked her about her prom. She was Typical Cecelia at first, very "Prom is a waste of time and money, Marin. It's a night when lesser people play dress-up to engage with their aspirations of grandeur." And I was like eyeroll forever and just stopped talking. BUT THEN she actually talked to me like a human being. She was like, "I actually didn't go to my prom" and when I asked her why she said that she didn't have a date, and was very self-conscious about it. I almost passed out at her admitting that she's ever been anything less than perfect.

(gonna continue this in reblog)