#and in the back of my mind during pe im always kinda thinking about them

[vero-niche]

UNSURPRISING AND BORING??? HAZUGSÁG! TELL ME ABOUT IT ACTUALLY!!!

(context: this ask was sent by my dear mutual after i reblogged a post about what my special interest is, which is films and filmmaking that i called those things)

fjhfjvhnfkc im so sorry for not replying to this sooner, it's been haunting me since that day bc first i was like "i will answer from desktop bc this is gonna be a long one" and then... i didnt. anyway, im just gonna start rambling and hit post at some point when i run out of steam, enjoy 💞

edit: whoops better put All That under a read more lmao

note: by movie/film i also mean animation, tv shows, anime, etc

so, it all started when i was little.... we were living mostly in a small village in northern hungary, no access to cinemas or such but my dad started working at a tv station in the capital when i was like... idk. small

anyway, he had access to The Internet and pirated movies and brough home burned VHS tapes.... i loved fiction ever since i remember and movies were no different. saw a lot of disney and other stuff, mum says i rewatched a lot of them a lot of times.... as an undiagnosed adhd+autism kid these movies were my main source of obsession.

as many in my generation, i grew to love reading a bit later after i saw the first h*rry p*tter movie and read the book but even then and ever since as well my imagination works kinda like a movie. i imagine certain shots and angles, even tho for the most part my imagination is as fuzzy as my thoughts.

also on the part of the audhd, i was basically self medicating with movies. stressed? watch a movie. sensory overload? movie (or later on, music). feeling shit? movie. it kind of works like a factory reset of my brain if the film is good. i guess because for 1,5-2,5 hours i am completely focused on one thing in a way thats not exhausting to me.

during elementary, i was in a friend group that i got in because we were in the same not school related drawing group (rajzszakkör yknow) and basically all 4 of us were a bit too neurodivergent there i think 😄 anyway, somehow when i first got a phone with camera, we started doing little "sketches" (and me with my then best friend separately too). then two of those friends came up with a short movie idea, a mockumentary about the iconic "twin towers" of the town we lived in (and hated). the 4 of us filmed and played all parts, right there in the city, and one of us edited it. it turned out quite.... well, like a shitpost lmao. so, naturally, we got quite hooked but esp me and one other friend (who is now an acclaimed theatre director btw. lol)

anyway, so we did several of these short movies + i did several sketches and other stuff with all kinds of friends in the coming years, all through about mid-high school years...

for several reasons, despite it being the obvious choice, i didnt end up going to film major at uni but chose english studies. i don't regret it, but my place wouldve been at the film major tbh....

anyway, i decided to give up my filmmaking dreams... but yknow, special interests dont wotk that way lmao.

i kept watching movies with a critical mind, such as "oh this shot is good" or "this shot is too long, they should've cut it a few seconds earlier" or "oh, they are using xy technique here" and once you start looking at movies from a filmmaker point of view, theres just no turning back (or off). i think i majorly watch anime in my spare time now bc i analyze what i see less than with live action stuff.

so like. idk what my point here is. i listen to soundtracks of movies i loved, not just the ones with lyrics but the background music too. i love rewatching and dissecting parts. after seeing a new one that i loved i headstraight to imdb to the crew and trivia section, i watch/read interviews, check box office numbers even and stare in awe when they show a special technique or smg they used.

and i mainly always thought "well i just have a passion for it but its nothing that outstanding, right? people look these stuff up when then love smg, right?" well. 😶

then not too long ago i realized im not only adhd but autistic as well. and that the reason why this passion (and need to be involved in the making) never really left, even when i myself gave up on it, is bc its my special interest.

so now im slowly approaching crossroads bc on the one hand i have a stable corporate job with good routines at home. but on the other if i dont "give in" to my special interest i feel my soul will wither. but also im sososcared 👍

in summary:

[strawberry-possum]

Just the idea of wearing a grey shirt and black shorts makes me uncomfortable and today I accidentally did that and by the time I realized (which was like five or six hours into the day I guess I really don't pay attention to what I wear lol) it was too late bc people had already seen what I was wearing so if I randomly changed for no reason in the middle of the day it'd look weird and every time I remember I die a little inside

[violetnotez]

HC: Mineta being a Pervert to the Boys S/o

@dekulover555: Hey could I request something with kamanari/bakugo/deku/kirishima when minnetas being a pervert to a fem s/o and like touching her up even after she’s asked him to stop please and thankyouxx

In which case MIneta can jump off a cliff

Pairings: Kaminari x reader | Bakugo x reader | Deku x reader | Kirishima x reader

(RULES  | MASTERLIST| REQUESTS OPEN!!! :))

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Kamanari

Usually Kaminari is a pretty chill dude

Him and Mineta used to drool over girls all the time- including you

They had talked and made elaborate plans all the time to see if they could somehow get the girls to be shirtless or get to see them in their underwear- but none of their plans would ever work, they were more just like fantasies they would freak out over

When Kaminari started dating you, those talks kinda stopped- he had a girl now! He didn't need to talk about other girls- he had one he loved and cherished and who was already hot!

So Mineta had been pretty deprived of any type of NSFW talk (cause nobody else was willingly gonna deal with his horny ass)

One day, you were sparring with Bakugo in the gym, when his quirk accidentally lit your shirt on fire

You instantly shouted in surprise, ripping off your PE shirt before it could burn you

MIneta-Boob-Radar Activated

“What the hell Bakugo!” you stood there, your skin turning red from the heat so close to your skin

“Well- you should have dodged it dunce face!”

As Bakugo was red in the face trying not to make eye contact with you, Mineta literally latched onto your leg

“No wonder why Kaminari’s dating you- your chest is amazing!” 

You tried shaking him off, but his grip was too strong- he started making grabbing motions towards your chest and you felt your cheeks get warm with anger

“Get off you of me little purple freak!”

Kaminari had been working with Kirishima, not noticing your dilemma until Bakugo had stomped over to tell him what was happening

Kaminari never got angry easily, but the sight of Mineta trying to crawl up your body made him erupt with rage

You were clearly uncomfortable as you tried to cover up your exposed top portion with a clingy MIneta on you

“Please! One touch, thats all!”

“Get the hell off of me Mineta!’

Kaminari ran over to you, yanking Mineta off your leg as Kirishima and Bakugo followed

your in Bakusquad if your dating Denki, its ride together or die together with this group

“What the hell are you doing dude?!” Kaminari yelled at Mineta who literally had tears in his eyes

This grape is way too damn horny oml

You instantly ran to Kaminari, hugging yourself against him- he always made you feel safe

Mineta trudged off, knowing full well he wasnt getting anything more with Bakugo and Kirishima glaring daggers at him

You hugged Denki, a soft smile gracing his face

“You okay babe?” he asked as he pulled away from you slightly, looking at your face

“Yeah, Im fine- I just need a new shirt, that’s all.”

Thats when it fully registered to him that you didnt have a shirt on- he then noticed how your slighty bare chest felt pressed against his chest, and then he looked down- and oh crap he probably almost had a boner right then and there

“I-uh-um-yeah, that’d probably be best!” he would stutter and giggle, feeling his quirk go into overdrive

“But you do kinda look nice like this though…”

“Denki I swear to god I will kick you.”

Bakugo

Does Mineta want to die?

This boy is POSSESSIVE

AN ANIMAL

You are his girl, his s/o, his lover, his EVERYTHING

If anyone touches what is his he will MURDER them

He overreacts allottt

But this anger definitely comes in handy when you needed a certain pervy grape to get away from you

During a training session, you had the unfortunate fate of being paired with Mineta

It would have been fine, if only Mineta would stop drooling all over you like you were a piece of meat

“You ready, beautiful?” he’d ask before you started your training mission

You rolled your eyes, trying to ignore his eyes practically undressing you as you walked past him

Mineta knows full damn well that by you being Bakugo’s s/o, he would get pummeled for so much as thinking such lewd thoughts about you

But he had been eyeing you for so long, and if Bakugo wasn’t around, he thought  he would be okay and not die if Bakugo wasnt near you

Oh how stupid that assumption was

As you two are walking, he just stares at your ass, keeping a few paces behind to watch it as you walk

“Can you not?” you ask, disgust in your voice

“What?” he asks as if he wasnt doing anything, “Im just walking.”

You fight the urge to kick him

You just sigh, turning around- it would be a long class period being paired with him for a training exercise, but you could manage

Of course this little purple idiot begins to start staring at your rear again

Anger and dread bubbles in your stomach- could he just not be like this for one second??

 You could easily pummel him into the ground- but you didnt want to waste your energy on somebody who didnt deserve to have your energy wasted on in the first place

So you continually took the anger that was caused by Mineta’s perverted staring

The icing on the cake though was when you felt a light squeeze on your rear, making you shoot around in shock

There he was, his hand in midair and this disgustingly blissful expression on his face

“Did you JUST-” you practically yelled out, rage and embarrassment making you begin to turn red

“I couldnt help it- it just looked so touchable-” he said, his hand about to touch you on your ass again

You took off in a run, Mineta making grabby hands behind you

You finally found Bakugo, who was paired with Yaomomo

“Katsuki!” you’d yell, running into his arms

He instantly noticed something was wrong- you were cuddled into his neck, giving a very pale looking Mineta a dirty look

“What the hell is going on?” he asked, his face harsh and serious

“He-he,” you gulped, the embarrasment rising, “he touch my, uh-”

Bakugo didnt need to hear anymore- he was concerned Mineta would do this, and now his fear became into reality

He internally kicked himself- he should have known Mineta would pull some pervy shit like that on you- he should have made sure you would have been okay

But that guilt quickly got overtaken by an incontrollable rage

“Did you just touch my girlfriend you fucking pervert?” he’d growl, his voice dangerously low

That meant shit was going down

Mineta gulped, his face paler than a sheet- Bakugo then grabbed him by the front of his shirt, dangling a terrified Mineta in the air

“Where?!”

“Huh?” Mineta asked in fear

“Where the hell did you touch her you idiot?!”

“Her-uh-her-butt-but-” Mineta sqeuaked out, trying to form some sort of excuse

Welp that when Bakugo saw black

You and Momo had to restrain Bakugo as he started going on a rampage, screaming all kinds of profanities

“You fuckng extra!! Im going to kill you! Shes my girl- you have no fucking right to touch her! Do that one more time and Ill blow you ass up! You hear me?! You so much as look at her and your ass will be seven feet under in your own ashes!”

Yeah- Whenever Mineta now sees you he walks the other way, and he hasnt bothered you since

Deku

Deku is very oblivious to Mineta’s harassment

Like- he can’t be that bad right???

*cough cough YES HE CAN

But if you tell him he will be the first to stomp over and give him a piece of his mind

If he sees it- oh he will be so UPSET

Mina has somehow rounded you up into one of her personal projects, in which she was creating an all girl dance

It was you, Momo, Toru, and Mina learning the choreography to a really upbeat girl group song

Tasty Carrots by Shou

You had finally learned all the choreography, now switching into outfits so Mina could put it into her social media

This girl def has a Tik Tok

Mina has put you all in little skater skirts, yours being high waisted, pleated, and reaching just barely reaching your mid thigh

Mina was squealing- “You all look so cute!!! We are TOTALLY going viral!”

Right as Mina started the music, and you began to do a few practice runs, Mineta and Kaminari walking past

Mineta had spotted you all from like a mile away

His literal wet dream- a bunch of girls dancing in little skirts

None of you notice though- you just continued with the choreography, attracting a little group on onlookers from the blaring music-including Midoriya

Mineta had pulled out his phone half way through and instantly started taking pics

At one part of the dance you have a tiny duet part with Mina where you bend down slightly

This perv instantly got right under you and took a whole ass pic

You heard a flash and look between your legs, seeing  the purple idiot

You screeched, your face red as you yanked your skirt down

Mina instantly started yelling at Mineta, trying to catch the little idiot while Kaminari tried to yank his phone away from him

Izuku was filled with raged-how dare he do that to you?!? He was about to give him a piece of your mind, but seeing your embarrassed face made him think otherwise

He ran over, wrapping you into a hug

You were feeling so dumb-you didn’t even notice the little group of onlookers forming, making you feel even more embarrassed

Midoriya then sees Mineta run past, and as if on instinct grabs him by the arm

Mineta squeaks, regret riding through his body-nobody has ever seen Midoriya look this mad

Izuku yanks Mineta’s phone out of his hand, quietly searching through his camera roll

He finds the picture and hi face turns a little red because geez you do look really hot-

He quickly (and permanently) deletes it, so Mineta can’t go into his recently deleted, and hands it back to him

“Don’t you ever, EVER do that again.” The threat seemed simple but the way Midoriya voice was full of ice and his eyes on fire made Mineta’s skin turn cold

Kirishima

sorry if this one seems longer than the rest!

It was the end of the year and Yaomomo had invited everyone to her house for a big summer celebration pool party!

Of course everyone was excited- Yaomomo was rich and her house was beautiful and massive! Also she was the best hostess anyone could imagine

Mineta was excited for another reason- he couldn’t wait to see all the girls in bathing suits of their own choice, not the dumb leotard-like ones the school made them wear

Secretly hoped they were as skimpy as possible

Momo had invited all the girls the night before to a massive sleepover- you all went shopping for new suits at a beach themed boutique

Of course it was super expensive, but the owners of the shop were friends of Yaomomo’s parents and gave you all a FAT discount

Everyone was super happy with their suits- yours was all red,  with a strappy red top, the bottom also matched in color and were slightly high waisted and showed off the sides of your thighs

The next morning you all spent time getting ready and helping Momo prepare to when everyone else came

Everyone started trickling in and greeting each other, getting snacks supplied by Momo and swimming or dancing to the “Top 50 Songs” playlist blasting outisde

You were in the kitchen getting some punch with Mina when Kirishima and Bakugo came in

Bakugo looked like he would rather be anywhere but there, while Kirihsima was just excited to find you and have some fun!

When Kirihsima saw you- his mouth dropped- you looked seriously stunning and he couldnt make his heart stop pounding so hard

Also your wearing red- he can try to act as chivalrous as he wants but he cant deny that red on you makes him go CRAZY inside

“Kirishima!” you yell happily when you see him, running over to give him a hug

He instantly twirls you around and tells you how pretty you look

You go outside and everyone begins to hang out, playing some games, swimming, dancing, or just plain mingling

Mineta is of course on a mission- he is just sitting in a really dark corner of the party pratically trying to memorize how all the girls look and drooling like a perv, concocting a plan in his twisted head of his

The moment he hears Uraraka yell- “Who wants to play volleyball- Boys vs Girls!” He instantly jumps up- now was time to get his plan in action

You and Kirishima join Uraraka, Izuku, Kaminari, Mina, Bakugo, and Tsuyu in the game

What you all didnt notice was Mineta, who was waiting patiently to pounce on one of the girls- he unfortunately chose you as his victim

When you wadded towards the end of the pool to try and save the ball, Mineta had reached over and pulled at one of the straps of your top, easily detangling it from your chest

You felt something loosen- and then horror rippled throughout your body

You qiuckly ducked under the water, only your eyes visible as your face was on fire

Mineta at first was cheering, your top tangled in his grubby hands, but then everyone started screaming at him, Mina throwing every threat she could think of while Uraraka tried to block you from sight and Froppy got you a towel

What really terrified Mineta was Kirishima- he was desperately trying to crawl out of the pool, all the boys trying to restrain him because he was literally going to KILL Mineta

Nobody had ever seen Kirishima that mad- even Bakugo

Mineta ran off, still holding onto your top as Tsuyu wrapped you in a towel

Kirishima ran over to you, wrapping you in a hug

“You okay? Im so sorry that happened! I’ll get your top back- I promise!”

And this boy did-of course after he calmed down- while Bakugo followed suit

As much as Bakugo hates to admit it, he does like you and you being his best friend’s girl, he protects you as much as Eijirou does

They both found where Mineta was hiding, Bakugo grabbing the little grape while Kirishima rambled on about “how unmanly that was” and how Mineta needed to “respect women and be more chivalrous”

Also may or may have not have told him that if he ever did anything like that again he wouldnt hestitate to teach him a lesson

After that little stunt, Yaomomo kicked him out of the party, all the girls breathing a sigh of relief

Kirishima came back, all the girls sitting around you and giving support-but once they saw Kiri they’d knew you’d be okay and gave you some privacy

This boy cuddled the crap out of you for the rest of the day and didnt wanna let go

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Requests open| Matchups closed!

[freebooter4ever]

Opening Lines Game

rules:

list the first lines of your last 20 stories (if you have less than 20, just list them all)

see if there are any patterns

choose your favorite opening line

tag some people to play the next round

@stolperzunge tagged me ^_^ and i almost don’t want to know if i have any sort of first line trends because like...first/last lines are one of the reasons i idolize my favorite author like i do. Diana wynne jones is QUEEN of last lines and grabbing you in with the first sentence, i dont know how the hell she does it. But from the first time i started reading her books at age 11 till now, im still always thrown by how reading just the first paragraph pulls my ADHD brain in and won't let go. So yeah. I /wish/ my writing could do that lol.

Before i ramble i tag @aboutthatmelancholystorm and @badgerms and @edteche2@badgerms

OKAY distracting myself this evening with some good old escapism. I know it might not seem like i put a lot of effort or thought into my fanfic, but i totally do, so this was an interesting analysis of old writing. I also expanded it to be a ‘paragraph’ instead of a sentence because i am vain enough to think that some of my introductions had a very specific opening that kind of all went together. ANYWAY:

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“There's a gator living in Eugene Sledge's  New York apartment. The creature moved in along with Eugene's newest roommate. It's pretty weird, seeing a slimy green thing lying on his hardwood floor.”

I liked how with a lot of these you can immediately get a sense of the whole fic - like we have the gator the main driving plot haha, we have eugene starting out vaguely repulsed by but strangely comfortable with snafu. And thats pretty much the whole story

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“Snafu shows up on Eugene's doorstep one morning in the late August heat - hat in hand and heart on his sleeve.”

I’m pretty sure I completely stole this whole sentence from somewhere but its so southern and exactly what the whole story is about that i dont know how else it could have began. Its all just snafu trying to win eugene back no matter what cost.

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“The back of the caboose is as deserted as Snafu expects it to be.”

This one is boring, and im not sure what i would change to make it better. Like it tells me nothing about the rest of the story..but at the same time i kinda dont think the rest of the story was about much other than just ‘now kiss’ hahaha.

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“While resting on Pavuvu after the battle at the airfield, Snafu and Eugene use coconut duty as an excuse to spend three days exploring.”

another boring one, meh

----------------------

“Snafu becomes Eugene's designated "best buddy" during the mandatory extended vacation that is occupation duty in China. It drives Snafu insane. Whenever Eugene turns to the guys in their company and asks, "Hey, anyone want to go see…?" and details his plans to go explore yet another cultural site, all eyes turn toward Snafu, as if he's the one relegated to this duty.”

I still have a soft spot for this one, bc ive always loved being someone's ‘default’ person and thats kinda what this one is about.

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“Two years into grad school Eugene decides he needs a proper vacation. The only reason Snafu knows this is because Eugene also decides Snafu is the person he's gonna vacation with. And apparently Snafu has no say in this decision”

yup more of the default person theme

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“Eugene can always tell when Snafu starts feeling restless. His eyes are the first clue. Snafu stares and doesn't stop till Eugene looks back. It's usually a blank stare, Eugene can never tell what Snafu's thinking.  But it only takes one returning glance from Eugene to settle the hectic business going on in Snafu's mind. Then Snafu quiets down for about an hour or so. Until he gets bored, and the staring starts back up again.”

This fic was 100% about attention issues and inspired by this one moment with nick on opening night during his moonlighting as a technical director and he was so nervous he kept click click clicking the pen and fidgeting and wanting to calm him i gently tugged the pen out of his hand, and it was only later i realized that i didnt do anything to help i just took the pen away. So i guess this was me imagining a scenario where calming attempts actually help and are not just taking the pen away.

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“The doctor says if I refuse to communicate verbally, I need to write how I feel instead.”

this fic is so personal i dont even know where to start - i think the writing suffered from that too though, there were sections i really liked because they were entertaining or sections that really got across the anger and pain i sometimes remember viscerally but overall it wasnt like...a good story? I guess?

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“Eugene is lying in bed reading after a long gruelling day of grading papers for the freshman biology class he TA's, when he hears the signature squeak of his living room window being slid open.”

ok i love this one, because immediately it gets across all the things that are going to happen - snafu breaking into eugene's apartment in an unsettling way, the fact that this is a common occurrance, the grad student AU. The fact that eugene is calmly reading and has no reaction to snafu breaking in because he already expects it and welcomes it lol.

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“Snafu doesn't understand civilian life. The things most of his neighbors consider commonplace - well balanced meals, regular showers, polite conversation, underwear - Snafu no longer has the patience for. He was never a good civilian before the war, and he's an even worse one after. Not like Eugene with his perfect manners, and stalwart ideals, and easy conversation. If Snafu imagines a model upstanding citizen, Eugene Sledge's face is the first to pop into mind. A deep indefatigable ache comes with it.”

yeah this definitely has no personal baggage attached to it no way lol. Snafu putting eugene on a pedestal and eugene kicking that shit over so he can sit in the dirt with snaf.

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“Whenever faced with impending mental anguish and indecisiveness, Snafu retreats to the peace and quiet of his Captain's Quarters and surrounds himself with all his favorite maps.”

Rereading this i feel like its a little out of character for snafu but t hen again this version is a pirate so who knows

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“Snafu wants to get a rise out of Sledge from the very first minute he meets him.”

This one is meh just cause its so non specific. It describes basically my core sledgefu shipping belief. :P

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“Jesse McCree is a creature of habit. He wears a very specific pair of socks to bed every night. Handknit socks made from the softest, highest quality merino wool. Every time he wiggles his feet in those socks, Jesse remembers that there is  real  warmth somewhere out there. The kind of heat that warms your insides and doesn’t fade away. Even if he is currently stuck in a subzero wasteland, where snow accumulates by the hour.”

jesse's laundromat and bowling sock story will always hold a special place in my heart. This was an answer to a friend's twitter delimma of having lost their hanzo sock...so i had to address the prompt immediately and explain why it was so important to jesse that i write an entire story about his damn sock lol. Also this whole story was written my first winter in LA when i was missing the cold ice of the midwest so.

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“This is not planned. All Jesse knows is one minute he’s thoroughly enjoying the day’s entertainment and the next he’s yellin’ something about a man’s mama, hopping over one of the little wooden rails that divide up the audience, and landing smack in the middle of a brawl. A brawl that doesn’t end until he’s at the top of the heap, holding onto someone’s leg, and grinning proudly in the direction of the stage.”

this fic is my masterpiece :P jesse fighting to win hanzo's favor and hanzo looking on disdainfully like ‘god youre a dumb cowboy’. With lots of weird references to actual historical facts and mark twain's parody of that time periods world travelers.

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“Mitchell hates rain almost as much as sun. No matter how many layers he wears, the cold and damp seeps underneath the parka, underneath the gloves, underneath the boots, and gets into his bones. It pours on his way from work to his car, and pours from the car to home. He never brings an umbrella. Only tourists carry umbrellas.”

yeah i definitely wrote this one when i was missing seattle. The intro doesnt even mention annie...i feel like it was lackluster.

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“"I'm bored," Kili scratches the back of his neck with a celery stick leftover from dinner, "Hobbits are pleasant, men are bearable, wizards entertaining, and trolls nasty, but elves," he uses the celery to clean an ear, "are boring."

Ok i take back what i said earlier THIS is my masterpiece. I will NEVER write a sentence as good as this one. I will NEVER AGAIN create a metaphor as brilliant as the stuffed rabbit in a glass case. I have peaked as a writer with lord of the rings fanfic and that is my curse and blessing.

[iampikachuhearmeroar]

yknow while this hellsite continues on the whole religion discussion thing, i’d like to jump in on it with my experience particularly with leaving catholic school.

like aside from my angsty pop-punk/emo etc teen phase (which’ll obvs be weaved into story later on) that led me to have different views from the church and aside from the whole sexism thing that i endured over my year 10 formal/junior prom in 2010 and 2011 from staff there….. i found it within myself incredibly hard to leave there… mostly because i’d known literally 1/3 of my year group at catholic school since kindy/kindergarten or some other point in primary school.

this affected my choice to leave and it was quite tumultuous inwardly. knowing the safety and predictably of the people i was with for all those years was a comfort to me. i knew their parents due to parent mixer bbqs that we’d have after mother’s day and father’s day liturgies- although i hated the mother’s day ones mostly, due to personal reasons. but to leave that comfortable place for overly loyal, kinda sorta shy (although everyone who knew me at that school wouldn’t’ve described me as shy bc i was a very loud show off because of drama class 😅) and by year 10, very lonely, highly socially anxious and depressed, teen me was terrifying. it meant losing her friends and stability and she obvs hated that thought. it meant leaving the one one place she ever felt good at something, drama class.

obviously, after she did leave for public school, she visited the catholic school on a few separate occasions, to try and keep the connection “alive” or whatever the fuck she wrote in a fake deep status on her fb (that i now get in my fb memories every year lmao). but it all ended pretty badly, when everyone from that school stopped talking to her once high school finished. no one invited her out. or if people did try to invite her out, like a couple of people did, it always fell through…. and it made her feel like she was just a bad luck charm or whatever other low self esteem talk she was telling herself. there was quite a few moody statuses around that too lmao.

but yeah. leaving catholic school was a massive thing for me back then, because even though i hadn’t gone to church on sunday for literal Y E A R S at that point; i still had a strong pull to that school because i’d known SO MANY kids at that school from primary/elementary/grade etc school, regardless of their year group level. because if there’s one thing catholic school was good at, it was networking 😂. you knew everyone, and everyone knew you. it was safe, it was sound, so i didn’t want to leave.

but once you leave, you lose your friends and what almost felt like an extended family (although they obvs weren’t). but at the same time, i’d grown to hate the safety and almost insularity of the school, because as i mentioned earlier, you felt like you could predict how people would react or behave in class/events etc.

i felt the above distinctly, because as i’ve mentioned plenty on here, from years 7-10 i was a very emotionally demonstrative kid. in some classes (mostly religion and PE when i was bothered to participate) i’d end up in shouting matches with the teacher or other students…. or y’know just have a casual meltdown in the middle of class, which many people saw as “attention seeking” behaviour. i felt watched, i felt ready to snap, and to quote the ever present All Time Low i felt like the bridge lyrics from “therapy” (which was/is quite obviously somewhat partially about the price of fame and hollywood imo- but that went over teen me’s head at the time lmao):

“arrogant boy, love yourself so no one has to, they’re better off without you (better off without you). arrogant boy, cause a scene like you’re supposed to, they’ll fall asleep without you; you’re lucky if your memory remains”

like yes. i’ll admit those bridge lyrics being applied to this time is rather overdramatic, in hindsight, but hey. that was teen me for ya lmao. and don’t even get me started on applying ATL’s song “sick little games” to this at the time as well 😂😅. anyway. from all the “lms and i’ll tell you what i like about you” trend statuses that people were doing back then on fb, i’d gained the tag of “cool/chill girl”, my crush rich boy, once called me “outrageous” because of how loud i was and how willing in years 7-9 to scream out stupid song lyrics like “i want to fuck dog in the ass” by blink 182, fight song by marilyn manson and then idek probably my humps by black eyed peas at the top my lungs through the very few halls that that school had 😂😅. i was being purposely and annoyingly offensive most of the time.

but eventually, once it came to things like one of the girls in my group wanting to run for vice school captain and the other girls in my group A L W A Y S being given leadership positions (LPs)….. while i always had to apparently “repent” my behaviour by being made (in theory from my teachers) to sit alone at lunch because of my “embarrassing” and “unseemly” behaviour at the so-called “training”/ “retreat” days we had for things like being peer support leaders for the new cohort of year 7s etc etc. i felt like everyone was just waiting for me to leave…. and that they couldn’t stand my “embarrassing” presence and that i’d ruin my friends chances of being selected as co-captain or whatever other bullshit LPs they wanted to run for. but still. i felt like i couldn’t leave. just. how do you leave a bunch of people that you’ve known for so long???

and even when my teachers were nice enough to give me a chance in a leadership position once; in that dastardly bullshit internet safety workshop thing that they should’ve literally just hired a professional workshop co. to do….. but to save money they used students in my year group instead. so, instead of being marked by my teachers on this program; i was marked by the catholic education office. they had a lady come in from the ceo to judge/mark us while presenting…… and this lady went off at teen me for “not being professional, responsible and respectful” or whatever the fuck the woman told 15/16yo me…. which teen me then fired back with “i don’t have to be fucking professional and responsible!!!! IM FUCKING 15!!!!”.. so from then on i was never given an LP or any other type of “peer support” role against my friends who were littered with offers for them. mind you, i did call a whole room of 14 year olds “a bunch of cunts” or the like and then stormed out thinking that i’d made a solid point, so the CEO woman had a good reason 😂😅….. again in hindsight.

of course there was also the bitterness of teen me being angry at the english dept for not giving her a spot in the top class of english in her half of the year. but as i’ve said previously on other posts, i’ve forgiven this because i did essentially fail one shakespeare in class assessment in year 8 or year 9 😂. but i strongly felt this during my time at catholic school bc my friends believed that i should’ve been in the top english class too lmao.

but aside from those troubles and foibles, i still found it incredibly hard to leave. to leave the perceived closeness of that group of girls, who would sometimes walk me down to the office and sit with me in “purple room” while i waited for the teacher that had to act as my therapist almost lmao. even though i always told my friends to leave me be and go back to class bc i felt bad about dragging them out of class for so long.

but yeah. with all the above behaviour, the song lyrics to me at the time made sense bc teen me just felt so pressured to fit into the whole “funny, cool, outrageous girl” bs box that people had put her in…. but at the same time she wanted to escape it bc she was just *flyleaf voice* SO SICK of being laughed at instead of laughed with (atl weightless reference here kids) just because… like she DESERVED to be taken seriously for fucks sake, and not a be a “monkey do funny dance” person… she obvs felt this the most in drama class. where in the shakespeare unit, she picked a medley of romeo and juliet and taming of the shrew monologues to do for her monologue. although she nearly did lady macbeth throwing herself off the tower, to be hella edgy…. but she opted not to do that in the end. but she picked serious pieces bc she was sick and tired of being classed as the one trick pony go-to funny person.

okay. this really went off topic. but y’all get the point??? the decision of leaving catholic school was a hell of a ride for little 14-16yo me. it was confusing, terrifying and tied up in years of being overly judged and feeling like people wanted me to leave bc they were sick of me. it was tied up in years of mid-class meltdowns that had become kind of routine for me to have, and that people were just brushing me off as “attention seeking”…. but also ironically waiting for me to snap at any second for another wild shouting match or walkout; which would then make me look like i was “unruly” or “untameable/unmanageable” or whatever the fuck….. but i couldn’t take that anymore, for the final senior years. i HAD to leave it.

again it was hard to leave for loyal little teen me, despite how lonely and isolated she felt. why leave your friends when you’re comfortable??? but also: why stay in this toxic environment where people are just waiting for you to either shut the fuck up and put up with it or just blow up and absolutely lose your shit??? that’s just unhealthy asf. and the only unruly thing that’s happening here is the complete lack of mental health help or management in the aussie education system; but most especially in religious schools.

[shipwrecknights]

SANDIPURWARA 2K19

Ok this is gonna be the longest post ever but i HAVE to write this so bear with me

My annual school theatre production just ended yesterday and the post production blues are at an all-time high. I am terrible at farewells; I’m not a very sentimental guy, not very expressive and I can’t articulate affection well without preparation first. This isn’t my first production, in fact it’s my fourth. I have literally been through this every year for four years in a row and every time it hits hard but this year the feeling is nearly overwhelming. My family and friends always ask my why i keep going back, seeing that the trainings take so much out of me every year. But the fact is, they will never understand. The love that i receive in return from this production....my god. These people are really my family. Never have i met a group of people so easy to talk to, to confide in, who complains so much about having to train and yet come back every day and give it their 80% (lol). I am SO thankful that they are in my life. I’ve watched this project grow over the years and these people have also watched me grow; from an actor in Ziarah and Cinta Mawar, to a scriptwriter in Kalbu and finally a stage manager in Sandipurwara. In 2015 i was a boy with literally no friends in uni, no interest at all in Malay theatre and now I have a 50+ pax strong family gained over the years. In no particular order, these are just some of the people that made Sandipurwara so special for me: To the PDs: Thank you for pulling me into this show. I was adamant about joining intro this year because i felt that i had to move on in life, and that 3 years was a nice number to leave at. When Halijah texted me (nearly begging) to take up the role as ASM, I just thought what the heck. She is my friend and I should help. Halijah and i met in 2016 during Ziarah. We were both cast members and we weren’t close close, but close enough to joke around every day. I always thought she was hilarious. And a very talented actor. She’s the kind of person that makes everyone in the room laugh with her crazy antics, even when the mood is tense, which was almost always the case. I always say to her “Tu lah siapa suruh jadi PD,” not to mock her capability, but just as a running joke because we were always one of the lazy ones who just wanted to go for smoke breaks during training. And yet there she was this year leading the whole ass project. She has balls. The shit that she went through this year. I feel so sorry for always being honest with you, about your leadership style, about the first script that we all turned down, for always replying to you in a stern, I’m-pissed-off manner. You don’t deserve all that. But I’m honest because I always knew you could be better. Four years is a long time!!! You are essentially like my baby sister now. I hope we can hang out more often, go to gigs together maybe. Anyways you fucking did it jah. I couldn’t be more proud of you, couldn’t be more proud to have worked under you. Some people were skeptical when you wanted to be PD but you definitely proved them wrong. I will never forget you and Zu during Ziarah, acting in the training room at block A level 5, getting scolded by Abang Mok, and crying, and STILL continuing the comedy scene. All with tears rolling down your face. Fuck. You were trying so hard and that made me wanna cry too. Congrats Jah. I love you so much and thank you for everything. (anyways emo night pe) As for Naj, we also met in 2016. She acted as the mother of my best friend in the show, and she really suited the role LOL kidding. But Naj is a good actor and dancer, AND a brilliant admin person, something that I can never do ever. What i like about her the most is that she is quiet, takes all the shit she receives and just get the work done without much noise. Basically the opposite of us all. This year she took up the role of APD, and did it while still being herself. I’ve always respected her, seeing her take up so many important roles the past few years. Someone once said to me, Naj is like one of the most senior person here, starting all the way from Iman, but never once did she mention that or use it as a way to assert her seniority. Thank you Naj. The world needs more humble + hardworking people like you <3 And then there’s Shakir. Fucking hell, where do i start. I wasn’t too fond of you when I first met you. Your face and mouth sometimes really mintak kene rembat. But one day it really hit me (and it upset me quite a bit): YOU ARE JUST LIKE ME. Hahahaha fuck we were both cursed with the dying need to speak our minds and filter absolutely nothing. I guess from that day on I just learnt to tolerate your shit because I understand you. You’re probably the most articulate guy in all the intros (but not in malay obviously). Even though your rhyming poems are corny as hell, I respect that you always speak to us in such a concise and inclusive manner, always try to get your opinion across as tactfully as possible, always thinking of how others would feel, even when you’re an insensitive fuck deep down. You always try to mingle with all the departments, which makes it look like you’re friendly, but we all know you just don’t want to feel FOMO. You are the APD that no one wanted but we all NEED. I’m glad we got a bit closer this year because I feel that being so alike, we can learn a lot from each other. Its a shame we didn’t get to see the Jacket Pelacur ™ this year, but we all know you’re busy making moves silently and to that I wish you all the best. I will never forget out stressful trip finding paint and kain, the girls searching for our felt pads while we stand around doing nothing at Spotlight, and you asking me about haram keropok at Daiso wihle I’m almost crying about the damn skirting. Also, good luck with your stint as the MCMS president. You are the first malay-muslim club president that constantly sleeps in girl’s laps, says the f-word, says Bismillah at the end of a speech instead of the beginning, and changes pants at the storage area without the conscience of even closing the door. You do you bro. I will pray that you see the light and be a better person, but thank you for constantly checking up on me and always being a brother. Love you bro #idkmanidk

To my SM Irfan: Bro. Brooooooo. You are one helluva guy. Sometimes I felt that you were overemotional about many things, something that an insensitive guy like me could never understand. But the more you opened up to me, the more I learnt to understand that you just have a very big heart. You get stressed very easily by very small things people say. But that always pushed you to work harder. I always look at you working so hard to plan our PT/crew sessions, and yet some nights you text me shit like im sorry, i feel like im not doing enough as an SM. BRUH. Kau stop it. But that really sums up what kinda person you are. Truly a humble guy that just wants to go around spreading joy to people with his lame-ass puns. I couldn’t have had a better partner. It was tough doing SM things with no third ASM, and come to think of it we been through so many obstacles that only you and I know about. Constantly texting each other about the shit we have yet to do and don’t know how to do, skyping till 3am at night when there’s training at 10am the next morning. It was a great learning process working alongside you. When we hugged just before the last show, you immediately started to cry and that made me tear up, so I pulled away and got the fuck away from you because I didn’t wanna cry as hard. We are two very ugly criers. I am truly sorry if i have ever wronged you, went away to smoke while you’re busy doing stage work, raised my voice at you, and especially sorry that I made you plan all the PT sessions by yourself. I’m sorry if i ever made your life more stressful. Thank you for showering the crew babies with so much love and attention on my behalf. I think your leadership was more than sufficient and that without you, this show couldn’t have been what it was. Love you Erphie baby To Fitri: FITTTTT. I think you were the one who pulled me into auditioning for the first production in 2016. I rmb just randomly coming to the audition and you were being over-appreciative, thanking me for coming haha. You’ve been there for me right from the start. Always supporting me in everything I do, no matter how shitty my acting was, and no matter how bad I was at script writing. You really are the mother of Introspeksi. But you are also like my sister, my teacher, my maid, my best friend, and my girlfriend (rarely). Truly the MVP of Introspeksi, you always selflessly help the PDs and casts every single year, shower us with love and push us to grow. I love that you always tell us to renew our niat whenever we come for training in order to help us get through the exhaustion, the scoldings, and everything negative. I feel sad whenever you get scolded by Abang Mok because I know you’re just trying your hardest to prolong the legacy of this special project. Even though you’re not the pioneer PD of Intro, I feel that you’re the one that started this big family because thanks to you we’re all involved in this crazy business. There’s really nothing I can do to repay you so I’ll just say thank you, for making my life in uni much much better. Continue being the strong, independent and ambitious woman that you are and I’m very sure you’ll be very successful one day. Love you Fit you’re my idol <3

To Zahir: My man. Another person that I’ve been through so much with. I miss our days with izzah and the bebs, sitting at the skatepark and under void decks till 3am, literally laughing till we cry. Those days I will never forget. Acting alongside you in Cinta Mawar, playing two really redundant roles, was also a fun experience although you were upset that your scenes were cancelled on show day hahaha. I knew you always wanted to act some more ever since that show. And then there’s Kalbu, writing the script with you was one hell of an experience, kita kene kecam every training by everyone, script lambat script lambat, script lambat macam cb. (f u shakir) No one knew how hard it was to write such a serious script under close scrutiny of two PDs, numerous advisors, and ofc Abang Mok. And yet I think we managed to have some, if not most, of our ideas remain in the final cut of the script and I’m still very proud of that. I’m sorry for all the times I scolded you, saying you weren’t putting in enough effort, etc. This year you finally got casted as a main and bro I’m so fucking proud of you. Wasn’t confident with your acting at first but during the show, as i watch you and Hidhir from the side curtain, i thought to myself, damn these guys r really trying so hard and it’s really paying off. Your role was really made for you and I’m so happy that your goofing off on stage actually made the show 10x more entertaining. Dalam diam, you’ve contributed so much to the club, and introspeksi, and you did it all while always making everyone laugh. You’re really a one-of-a-kind friend and we all love you. Didn’t really get to show my appreciation to you after Kalbu (idk why we all never post anything) but bro thank you for everything, thanks for the hard work, thanks for all the laughs, for the lepak/jam sessions, the (two) fitspo sessions, for the subtle looks/touches whenever a cute girl is nearby. No matter how rarely we meet I’ll always treasure this friendship man I love you (I ain’t never gonna stop loving you....biiitch) To Jannah: I know I didn’t spend as much time with you this year as I did in the last, but you know I love you janz. Everyone keeps pulling out the “mana nak lepak dgn kita lagi” shit on me, but you were always impartial and the most cool about it. I hope you know that I cherish our time together from Cinta Mawar and Kalbu, no matter how much we drift apart. Anyways congratulations for another brilliant year in acting. From the start, I knew you were our only hope for the cast. You have always been disciplined, practicing at home, staying in character, doing research, coming on time every training, etc. Your dedication to Intro always impresses me. You, Durr, Win, Zahir and me went through so much crazy shit man in Kalbu. I will never forget. All the passive aggressive texts, trying to get me and Zahir to buck tf up, us not meeting all the script deadlines, sharing personal stories with each other, writing the script at Woodlands AND the masjid till 5am, and all the laughter. So much laughter was shared. It feels like there was no proper closure for Kalbu, cos the four of us never really showed our appreciation to each other/say our farewell properly. No idea why. But well here it is now. Thank you Jannah for everything. You were the first person to make me cry backstage before the final Sandi show. Kau just masalah, aku tengok muka kau je nak nangis. AND even when the final show started, when I saw you singing so enthusiastically (and badlly) at the handheld mic on stage left, swaying left to right even when no one was watching, man that made me tear up too. Never stop being you, the kind-hearted, sisterly figure that everyone feels comfortable being with. Lepak soon, love you baby girl <3 To Durr-baby/daddy: What a guy you are. Even though you’re younger, I’ve always looked up to you from the start. Wise beyond your years, you’ve always been that calming voice for when I’m stressed out with Intro. You always help us out so selflessly, sometimes it makes me feel uncomfortable/guilty thinking about it. But its ok because you always show how sincere you are when lending a hand. This year, you’re just an advisor, who doesn’t need to come that often. But yet you attend every training, stood alongside Irfan and I, almost playing the role as the third SM. I appreciate every time you take charge and give out instructions to the crew when you notice that I’m stressed out/can’t lead very well. And you do all this without overstepping any boundaries, always respectful to the two of us. And to think you were and APD and VP of the club last year. If all future exco members follow in your footsteps, i’m sure MCMS will breed an amazing group of individuals. Tapi kau pun satu masalah. I clearly said don’t go behind and see Jannah, you will cry. Kau pergi jugak. Kau just nak semua orang nangis dengan kau hahahahahahahaha its ok bro i understand crying hURTS SO GOOD. Thank you Durr for the countless nights of sending everyone home even when you’re exhausted. Thank you for always keeping me and Irfan grounded in chaotic times. Thank you for the kekek times at stage left, staring at the transitions with me and shakir like its visual ganja, muttering those two comforting words into my ear, “double pivot”, and for always reminding me and everyone that letting out our feelings is fucking important to survive. Love you durrbaby stay sweg A special shoutout to the new friends I made this year, Hidhir and Junie. Ya’ll are just gerek. Thank you for joining our intro family even when you really didn’t need to, and for giving your all for every scene. Firstly I have to say y’all (+ Zahir and Hazeeq) made our saturday mornings a living hell. Wake up late, sick, heavy traffic, phone died, and all the cock reasons ya’ll gave. It got to the point that Junie gave me her house number to call her mum to wake her??? Just hal. Sampai show day dia lambat, faham eh. But anyways. I’m so glad you two decided to join this year. Thank you for being so easy to talk to, as a sister and brother, thanks to Hidhir for welcoming us into his home that one fateful night, for always spreading love and hugs and being emotional as fuck during debriefs. Thank you Junie for being so open with us, always sharing your stories, even tho we never ask. Thanks for pushing yourself even with all the heavy criticism from the directors. If you need your mic box to be checked again, just hmu. To Hazeeq, you alr helped us last year in Kalbu, but this year returned again as another main cast. The best part about Hazeeq is that he is friends with e v e r y o n e and always goes around the room to have conversations with every single person. Proper friendly guy, I’m gonna miss your hugs and kisses every night and your “Sorry I’m sorry....she correct.....I wrong.” Stay gold my brotha, a guy like you is not easy to find so pls make sure you never change.

Last but definitely not the least, my CREW BABIES. Y’all are surely an odd bunch, all randomly coming to help our production. But ya’ll are the best crew I’ve ever seen in my 4 years here!!! Never complaining, even when you come to training and do absolutely nothing. Always understanding towards me and Irfan, listening to what we say, and helping out when we don’t know what to say. Working so hard on the sets and props, ya’ll are always on autopilot and didn’t need us to guide you all the time. Thank you Alfiera (you basic bimbo bish), Aliah, D.Hadi, Hadi Shy, Haziq (ma man), Sheeda, Syazwani (non-tudung), Syaza Aliah (my twine girl u saved my life every show ily) and Zana (my only stage left buddy). I love you all I swear. Special shoutout to DIBO DEE, Dibo baby thank you so much for all your help. You’re so crafty and creative and calm and cool when you do work. I love how your voice changes when its time for serious work and how you go around spreading love and giving sweets to everyone. Can never forget the moaning sounds that erupted from your phone during our dry run hahaha U STAY COOL DIBO ILY. And!!! Special special shoutout to my 3 fav crew girls: Rania, Wani and Sofiyah!!! Idk if ya’ll are my adiks or girlfriends but rest assured I love being around you guys and i’m glad we got close thru this show. You’re all too damn young but trust me if i could I’d marry all of you HAHA. To Rania, thanks for being a walking meme factory, I still can’t believe i’m friends with a 19 year old ffs. But hey you have great taste in music just like me. We can have a date lying down on the beach while listening to the XX and Arcade Fire one day ok. Thanks for shaving your legs for me, calling me every day to pray subuh (I don’t deserve you) and for being so candid about yourself to me. I’ll text you if i’m 30 and single ok pls be my backup plan. God bless you baby girl i love you. To Wani, sorry for saying that you’re too emotional when ya’ll were upset after getting shit for wardrobe things. But you’re so cute when you’re mad?? Hahaha and sorry for saying that you’re conservative (tho there’s nothing wrong with that) just because you’re a madrasah girl. Actually you’re pretty open about everything. Thanks for being a kind hearted person, always looking out for me, and putting up with the nonsense that me and Shakir talk about. Love you Wani if you miss me just hmu and I’ll be there. To Sofiyah, uuuu fuckin’ weirdo. I love how casual you are about everything and how I don’t have to think of what I say around you. Also, I admire how you always kept your shit together even when people were shitting on you about wardrobe things. Thank you for picking up the role despite having no experience in past Introspeksis. You did great man. Continue to participate in the coming years and I hope you get a guy as meaty as Hidhir or has a nice body like mine (#2 best body). Please curb your thirst for skinship and kembali ke jalan yang benar. Hahahahahaha love u Soffy baby see u soon xx And to everyone else, those unmentioned, please know that I love you guys too. Nana, Shaik, Yus and Aishah y’all are my seniors who i look up to whenever we’re doing a show and your knowledge and advice are always valuable to us. I always see you guys as who we’re supposed to grow into in the field of arts, even tho korang berbual merepek 75% of the time. Nana your play-flirting makes me turn off my comms headset but you’re an amazing amazing actor, SM, PD, and now lights technician. My respect for you has always been 10/10. This year you never shout at me, very good. Aishah, your acting has always been crazy good and this year you reminded us again. Thanks for being the big sister figure to all of us babies, while at the same time spewing inappropriate sexual nonsense 24/7. You da besttt. Shaik and Yus, thanks for being the big bros that i never had, always so cool and quiet but so talented with the music. And of course the musicians, who practice so hard every day, hitting the rebana till your hands bruise, coming early everyday to go through every riff/melody/tune and taking all the new ideas from Abang Mok and giving it life. Y’all are so amazing and you continue to be the best part of our shows every time. The dancers, I watched you guys train from the start!!!! Honestly it was very scrappy at first, and you guys went through so much drama and changes and getting shouted at, and of course injuries. All the bandages and patches and ankle guards were worth it cos you guys were amazing on show night, I know because I watched from the side curtain every time. Love the fight song number so much <3 For the rest of the cast, those with supporting roles, ya’ll were equally amazing and some of you even with one scene got an ovation from the crowd. Thank you for the hard work day in day out despite not landing a major role; your patience and understanding made the show what it was; a gathering of unique characters from different walks of life all for a single purpose.

Finally, I’m really sorry if i have wronged anyone in any way, which i prolly have. I love all my friends and never have any intention to hurt them. This shit that we did together was SO special and people will never understand the bond that’s been forged here so I hope these friendships lasts for as long as they possibly can. What Yus said was spot on: there is no “final year” or “last show” because Introspeksi is a family and you can never run away from that :’) Ok PEACE OUT ILY’ALL

[combustitties]

I wanna ask all 👀

1. First sex experience?

i was like.. less than ten and my friend asked me to touch his ding dong

2. Celebrity threesum?

oh god idk kjdfgxjch

3. Would you ever have a devils threesum?

urban dictionary says this is legit just a threesome w two other guys so uh Yeah I Guess. why does that get a fancy name.

4. Ever been rimmed?

nah. idrk if i’d like it either jkgdfjkhnb

5. Would you ever rim someone?

??? maybe

6. Weirdest sexual experience?

my friends and i stole her mom’s vibrator and used a bunch of lotion in a plastic cup as lube and masturbated together. wild.

7. Weirdest solo sexual experience?

i was jackin it in the shower once and i think i mightve squirted but i dunno bc SHOWER it felt like a water balloon popping in my vagooter

8. Every have a one night stand?

nope

9. Thought on r*pe play?

hmmmmmmmmm,,,, i dunno like so long as it’s between consenting adults who cares but for myself i dunno if i’d like it?? like. the loss of control and consensual non-con w safewords sounds chill but i dunno like actual roleplay would b. unpredictable.

10. As a guy, what do think is a female’s idea penis?

11. What’s your ideal penis?

my boo’s tf

12. Ever have sex in public?

technically i blew a friend in middle school on a creek trail thing.

13. Describe a sex fantasy that you want to try in detail.

wow i’ve suddenly forgotten everything ive ever thought

14. Do you consider your genitals attractive?

nahhhh

15. What bra size do you find yourself most attracted to?

i don’t think i have a preference

16. Favorite sex position?

shrug emoji haven’t had enuf to develop a preference

17. Least favorite sex positions?

^

18. What makes sex ‘bad’ to you?

if no one’s enjoying themselves

19. Ever have sex with someone loud?

i’m sure he could get louder 👀

20. Have you ever thought a partner faked an orgasam?

i?? don’t think so???? god i hope not??

21. Have you ever faked an orgasam?

nope

22. Thoughts on accidental anal?

how do u accidentally stick it in the butt

23. Have you ever had sex with food?

technically i tried to use a hot dog in a condom as a dildo when i was. uh. young and stupid.

24. For giving oral to a female, you prefer them to ride your face, or them laying down (or other)

ive never done lol idk

25. Weirdest thing someone’s ever said to you during sex?

???????????? nothing comes to mind.

26. Ever prematurely cum?

pffft is there such a thing? all orgasms good orgasms. i wonder what the world record for fastest orgasm is. lmao lets beat it (HA accidental pun.)

27. Do you prefer you or your partner to cum first?

my partner ndfgkjdfnh

28. Ever have a kink a partner thought was weird?

? i? don’t know????? 👀👀😫😫

29. Thoughts on drunk sex, or sex where your sober and your partner semiconscious?

i can’t stand being sober around not-sobers bc issues but if consent was given for those circumstances prior and we’re both fukt up then um yes pls

30. If your partner made you a sex toy from their genitals would you be creeped out or…?

gimme gimme gimme

31. Ever have a safe word, if so, what was it?

i never used it with anyone but, hyacinth. i like the traffic light system more tho.

32. Thoughts on partner sharing?

gut reaction is grr but w plenty of communication and negotiation and talking i don’t think i’d have a real problem w it. i don’t think i’d want another partner tho.

33. Weirdest sex story you’ve heard?

oh god idk

34. What gives you the most confidence during sex?

being not sober and the lights being off or v dim

35. What feels better for you sex or oral sex?

sex :o

36. Do you like sloppy blowjobs?

giving them hella

37. Which feels better blowjob or blowjob and hands?

38. Most viewed porn categories?

rough, and sex machines.

39. Thoughts on knife play?

hnnnnnn sharp shiney good. idk about the actual cutting tho i’m recovered from s.h kjdfgkdljf

40. Can you be intimate if your pet is in the room?

yea so long as he’s not up in my grill

41. I’d you ever had the chance for a threesum with twins would you do it?

...probably not?

42. Are you ok with your partner owning sex toys?b

?? tf yes

43. Are you ok with your partner using toys to finish after sex?

hella. no bad feels just whatever works ^_^

44. Are you ok with your partner mastubating. (Instead of going to you for help)

duh tf i don’t own them

45. Are you a fan of cuddles after sex?

YES

46. Do you care how many sexual partners your partner had?

no????

47. If you had the chance to join an orgy, would you?

...not sober

48. What’s your thoughts about watching porn with a partner?

hmmmmm. nice.

49. Are you ok with your partner watching porn to get off? (Instead of going to you?)

again, yes, wtff

50. As a guy, do you consider your girlfriend kissing other girls as cheating?

51. If you and your partner broke up for a week but got back together how would you react finding out they had sex during that time?

i mean. i dunno. if we were legit broken up with no intention of getting back together then whatever.

52. Are you ok with your partner posting nudes online?

yes what is up w these possessive ass questions

53. Has anyone ever said the wrong name during sex with you?

not that ive noticed dkfjgvdfjkhn

54. Ever had sex to just get it out of the way?

no???? wtf was this written by a Straight

55. Have you ever had sex in your parents bed?

NO GJKFGH

56. Favorite place to cum?

anywhere anytime lol

57. Do you prefer your partner to a Bush or shaved? (Which do you find more aesthetically pleasing)

whatever they want lol idc

58. How old were you when you first bought condoms?

my mom bought me some when i was like 12 it was mortifying. i still have yet to purchase them myself. WAIT NO YES I DID i was like 13 and it was for a friend bc she was too embarrassed.

59. Have you ever tried flavored condoms?

i haven’t but i wanna yummm lollipop without the cals

60. Would you ever let a stranger watch you and your partner have sex?.

uhhhhhh. not unless we were being paid

61. What’s the worst thing that’s aroused you?

i used to be really fucking embarrassed about my daddy kink

62. Would you ever have sex with a guy who had a spliced dick?

wh. okay i have to google this.

UM. OKAY. I GUESS?? WH.

63. Would you ever have sex with someone with genital piercings?

sure why not

64. Thoughts on sleep sex?

GOD yes. esp on the receiving end but all around a+

65. How easily do you get aroused?

aroused in general p easily ig? but im ace so idk i don’t ever feel like i NEEED it

66. Explain the time you got aroused at the worst time?

any time in public bc i blush too easily

67. Have you ever received oral from someone with a tongue piercing, did it feel any different?

i has not

68. Have you ever accidentally hurt your partner during intimacy, how? And did you continue after?

i? think i totally kneed him at least once. but ya

69. Ever 69 :p

not YET

70. Would you ever give someone oral underwater?

YES pool sex or hot tub sex is a kink of mine ever since i got off with a hot tub jet. and breath play. so like hella. i have a sensory issue with water on my eyelids tho and i don’t think goggles are all that sexy sooo njdfgjkfhn

71. Would you ever have sex on the beach?

idk maybe. that’s a lot of sand to keep track of.

72. Do you prefer your own touch or a partners?

not my own ksjdnfjkgh

73. Why do men slap their penis on their partner? Does it feel good???

i dunno WHY but it feels somewhat objectifying in a good way to ME so likeee

74. For mastubating do you use lube?

nah

75. Is there some place you don’t like being touched during intimacy?

my sides feel hurt really easily like even if u poke it it HURTS i think it’s a medical thing but ive never brought it up at the drs. and my ears. that’s weird.

76. Do you prefer your partner to knead you head or pull your hair?

uh both? both yes? both good

77. Has a condom ever fallen off during sex?

lowkey sjkdfhnzskjghfh

78. Have you ever lost arousal during intimacy, did you keep going?

no??? like im generally always turned on gettin it on n it’s a gr8 time but my meds just fuck with my ability to actively get off UGH

79. Have you ever gotten cum in your eye?

no *knocks on wood*

80. Weirdest compliment you’ve gotten?

ive had people compliment my feet and that’s not my kink so i think it’s kinda weird.

[one-hell-of-otaku-is-here]

15 tag game

Not tagging anyone in particular so yeah im aready kind of breaking rules again but whatever lol. Tagged by wonderful @lycoryllis one again ^^

1. Are you named after anyone?

Nope, my name was chosen by draw by my fathers ex collegues. If I was a boy I would be either called Thomas or by my father Peter and knowing him he would definitely choose his name so yeah

2. When was the last time you cried?

Eeh probably two weeks ago?? I had a pretty bad weekend back then

3. Do you have kids?

No

4. Do you use sarcasm a lot?

Sometimes, it really depends on the people I’m around. Tbh I do not see myself to be a sarcastic person so I guess it depends on the situation. I think that if I use it then i tis mostly around my family and close friends. I do not open up to strangers or at school or in  public to people so it is only natural I would be less sarcastic

5. What’s the first thing you notice about people?

In general, I think I look at theor face firts then rest of the body. I do think I judge people based on theri first impression on me at least for a while before i get to know them better soo I am not immune to making prejuduces about them. I guess if someone were to look in my head they would want to have nothing to do with me lol I tend to judge the way they talk or what face expression they make biut mostly I judge their appearance. Sight I think that is also why I cant get boyfriend – I have a certain prefernces even in looks but those guys tend to be the worst or the y are gay or they are taken so yeah

6. What’s your eye color?

Grey blue – I was born with blue eyes but you know how they change during life – my dad has very strange color combinantions and I inhereted that from him I guess – in differnt light they may appear green, gray or even blue. All in all just know they are mostly greyish blue

7. Scary movie or happy ending?

I generally don’t like scary movies unless we are talking about surreal horor or psychological horror such as was anime and game Higurashi. I do not do well with gore but that series was waay more than that and so I did not mind. I think I do like happy endings over scary ones – I grew up on  fairytales and later as a teen on rom cons after all- but lately since I started to like thrillers and crimi series –and played  lots of games with that genre- I started to welcome bad endings too. It is fiction after all and sometimes some pretty shitty but well written bad ending can be waay better than happy ending / thats is why I was sad to learn everything turned out well in Clannad – the ending with Tomoya losing all was freaking sad but amazing and realistic af which I always appreciate

8. Any special talents?

I tend to think I am just average in everything I do. I am so jealous over anyone who has high IQ for example it feels like those guys just swim through life without any worries or care in the world whike I struggle here in academics. If they appear arrogant about it that is. Aside from itellegence I do not excel in other areas that much as well.

9. Where were you born?

In a very small country in Middle Europe – we are surrounded by countries such as Poland, Hungary and even Ukraine and Austria. I was born in second biggest city here but compared to rest of Europe we do not stand out that much. I leave our flag here so you can check it out. We have a beautiful mountains up in north for which we are well known for and our surrounding countries often visit them

10. What are your hobbies?

I like lots of things but not all of them can be called hobbies I do not engage in them that much. Those hobbies would be walking with my dog, swimming, cycling and dancing. Then there are my true hobbies – those include reading books, playing otomr or RPG games and as you all know anime and manga. I used to draw a lot too as a kid but I am not good and i tis not something I can do as I am nt patient enough. Then I also used to sing a lot with my grandpa. I think singing would have becomem my oassion and a career if I could actually sing, Musicv is also one of my true hobbies I love listening to my favourite bands and my favourite anime opening, endings or OSTs. Mazbe one day I decide to learn how to play guitar – my one and only attempt to enjoy music at its fullest – I have been playing wit that idea from time to time in the past but again I am too lazy to star anything new at this point.

11. Do you have any pets?

We have a dog bamed Ben he is 12 years old now ^^

12. What sports do you play/have you played?

I did swimming, soccer, netball and volleyball school during PE pnly which I kinda enjoyed. Indon’t play any particular sports or exercise

13. How tall are you?

Around 5’1 (156.5 cm) yes I am a smol bean too(>_<) – it is a still mystery to me how I could stop and did not grow at least that 0.5 cm

14. Favorite subject in school?

History, Art -bless my elemetary days the only days I had art classes in my life-, Literature and Social studies – and that mainly Psychology and Philosophy- if I did not decide I am not gonna listen to people problems as to avoid possibe depression-and trust me I was thinking about taking Psychology course a lot -even my dad told me I should- then I would. Also I loved talking about philosophers I think history gaves us a very inetresting ones but once again I did not see any point in talking Philosophy if I am not planning to become philospher myself ofc. I guess I only liked to learn about them – not to study and analyse them for the rest of my life.

15. Dream job?

My decision to take English language course was probably not the brightest idea but it was the only idea I had and could take at the time. I still have not freaking idea what to do with myself I am kind of still stuck at stalemate. The first step was to stalemate what I did not wanted to do, and I found I mostly crossed every option I considered – I have enough thought about acting as I used to do that as a kid and was quite good, but I have not further experience for more than 10 years. The one thing I always loved are books and I used to think I could live as a writer, but real-life situation is different isn’t it. Well, I have never thought about it much up until I discovered Japanese literature thanks to BSD and it I like a whole new world opened to me so now there is a tiny voice in my head telling me that that’s what I must do. I still have no idea what job I am gonna do once I have my degree but one thing is certain to me- one day I am gonna wake up from this slumber and write a book – not because I have to but because I want to.

If anyone should do this then: @pastel-sea-creature and @blackandwhitemusician Ily guys

[ultraspideysense-blog]

Just One Dance Pt. 1 (Peter Parker Imagine)

request: “Can you do an imagine with Peter and Reader where they are just messing around until te reader says "I will give you 50 bucks if I can take you to Christmas dinner and tell my family we're together.They always ask if I'm dating and I can't have that conversation again." Peter says yes they go they do a great job but Peter ends up liking her she does to and they end up a relationship. Sorry it us so long thanks you ! Love your writing!!!” (requested by anon)

short summary: after you find yourself making a hasty bet with flash about getting a date for homecoming, you need Peter to help keep your end of the bargain. (this will be a multipart series partly bc i’m tired and partly bc i wanna develop this more)

length: 2k words 

warnings: some swearing & it’s so teen angsty i’m sorry i truly am aaaa sorry 

A/N: i kinda loosely followed the request bc like it really gave off a “im in my mid-20s and my old fashioned ass fam thinks ppl need to be married by now” so i kinda edited a bit to be more realistic amongst teens hope it worked soz it’s short but it’s gonna be a series

You were always stubborn. A lot of people called you a bitch for it, but you just called it taking no shit from anyone, and never backing down from a challenge.

So when Flash started running his big mouth during homeroom at your expense, it took everything in you not to smack him in the face. You tried to ignore it at first, as you worked on your calculus homework, you truly did. But Flash always liked to get a rise out of you because he knew he could get under your skin.

“And here we are, a mere 48 hours before homecoming, and a true tragedy lays in our midst. The resident ice queen, Y/N, is the only one in the school without a date,” Flash said dramatically to his group of friends.

Rolling your eyes and immersing yourself in the world of integrals, you gritted your teeth and tried to tune him out like you usually do. But he wasn’t finished.

“I mean, it’s a miracle that she hasn’t frozen the entire student body with her gaze like Elsa or some shit,” he joked. His group of friends laughed at his lame joke as you dropped your pencil on your homework.

“Why don’t you just shut it Flash?” you said, a death glare making its way onto your face.

“If that’s your special, twisted way of asking me out I’m gonna have to say no, babe,” Flash said with a smirk on his face. You glared at him with disgust.

“As if I’d want to take your ratty ass to homecoming. I think I would actually rather be run over by a bus. It really does sound like a more pleasant time,” you fired back.

“I doubt you could even get anyone to go to homecoming with you even if you tried. Everyone’s too scared to come within 10 feet of you anyway aside from Michelle, you’re worse than the plague,” he said with a mock shudder.

“Way to use an outdated joke from the 1400s,” you muttered with a dismissive wave.

"Still doesn’t change the fact that nobody would dare to go to homecoming with you,” he sneered. You scoffed.

“Please, it’d be much easier for me to get a date than you. At least I wouldn’t have to beg and plead someone like you did.” Flash’s confident demeanor slightly wavered for a moment before he quickly regained his cocky attitude.

“Alright then, Y/L/N, if you can somehow get some actual creature that goes to our school to go to homecoming with you, this $100 bill in my wallet is yours. And if you fail, you owe me $100,” Flash said with a wicked grin, his hand outstretched to shake in order to seal the deal. “And Michelle doesn’t count.”

You ignored it and merely nodded, determination in your eyes. “You’re on, Thompson.”

The bell rang signaling the end of homeroom, and you shoved your abandoned calculus homework into your backpack. Shooting one last glare at Flash, you exited the room and moved through the masses in the hallway to make it to your next class.

When you got to PE at the end of the day, Coach Wilson had everyone pair off to do sit ups. You naturally gravitated towards Michelle, one of your few friends and one of the few people that wasn’t immediately put off by your less than sunny exterior.

The two of you had a silent agreement to always stick to the far right corner of the gym, where Coach Wilson never seemed to look, so you could just sit and do nothing in peace. Some days the two of you would talk, other days you’d leave Michelle to her book and you’d do some homework. Today was a day for talking.

“Did you finish the calculus homework for tomorrow?” you asked Michelle. She nodded.

“Barely,” Michelle replied with a roll of her eyes. “This homework’s getting more and more ridiculous.” she said with a shake of her head.

The small talk continued for a few more minutes before you felt the need to bring up your small, somewhat expensive dilemma.

“So I need a date to homecoming,” you sighed. Michelle raised one of her eyebrows in curiosity.

“I made a stupid bet with Flash and to make a long story short I need a date for Friday or I’m about to be $100 poorer than usual,” you said with a grimace.

“You never do back down from a challenge do you?” Michelle asked with a grimace. “I’ll go as your date, problem solved.”

You shook your head. “Terms of the bet, I can’t take you. Has to be somebody else.” Michelle looked at you pensively, then took a brief scan of the students in the gym.

You layed down on your back, fiddling with a loose thread on your shorts as Michelle continued her search. You’d been thinking of available, decent people and drawing up a mental list, but kept running into a wall. Brandon from Chemistry had the flu. Paula from English already had a date. And so on with differing excuses for each person.

“What about Peter?” Michelle suggested after a period of silence. You raised yourself up into a sitting position.

“Parker?” you asked slowly. Michelle nodded at you, gesturing her head in his general direction. He was partnered up with his friend Ned, doing a set of sit ups with ease. You cocked your head to the side wondering when the shy nerd had bulked up as the rest of the class struggled.

“Really?” you asked, considering it for a moment. He was alright if your memory served well, but you’ve never actually had a conversation with him, or seen him outside of any of the classes you had together.

“Yes, really,” Michelle replied. “He doesn’t have a date, and Ned does, so he’d be awkwardly third wheeling the whole time. And everyone knows he’s been pining after Liz, but she’s already got a date. So that sort of leaves him at a stalemate,” she explained.

You bit the inside of your cheek as you considered your other options. You sure as hell weren’t asking any upperclassmen or any freshmen for that matter, and out of the sophomores your options were very limited. And out of those options, Michelle was right. Peter did seem to be the most desirable candidate, if you could even call him that.

“I guess I’ll ask him,” you said, slightly defeated. It wasn’t as if you had a real problem with Peter, but he wasn’t exactly the type of person you saw yourself hanging out with. In fact, you couldn’t remember if the two of you had even held a conversation before. But by the end of gym class you strengthened your resolve, and told Michelle you’d meet her at her locker afterwards so the two of you could catch the train together.

Peter was huddled closely by Ned, the two of them deep in conversation as they made their way out of the gym. You jogged a bit to catch up to them, doing a miniature prayer to the gods that Peter would say yes to your request.

“Hey, Parker,” you called out confidently. Inside you were quaking a bit, but you ignored it as you saw both his and Ned’s heads turn around in confusion.

“Y/N?” Peter asked carefully, his best friend standing silently next to him. He looked around as if there was some possibility that you were talking to somebody else.

“Yeah, I’m talking to you,” you said with a slight laugh as he finally made eye contact with you. Now that you had his attention, the words seemed to be stuck on your tongue. You’d never actually asked anyone out before and it was proving to be harder than you anticipated.

Peter saw your worried facial expression. “Is everything alright? You don’t look too well,” he started. His eyes widened for a moment. “Not that you look ugly or anything, honestly on the contrary you’re very pretty.” His eyes widened again as Ned hit him softly on the arm, a signal to tell him to stop talking. 

You didn’t even register his stumbled, scattered response as you tried to get the words out of your mouth. You were normally confident in anything and everything you set your mind to, but right now it felt like there was word vomit in your mouth itching to break free but couldn’t. Another awkward pause ensued until the words came barreling out of your mouth at a rapid pace.

“This is probably going to sound really stupid and you’ll probably say no or something but would you possibly maybe kind of, sort of want to go to homecoming with me?” you said quickly, all in one breath. Your face turned beet red as you awaited a response from him.

He cocked his head quizzically as did Ned, who was still standing next to him. 

“W-what?” he asked, not quite hearing everything that you said. He made out the word “homecoming,” but he wanted to make sure that you were actually asking him out.

“Did you want to go to homecoming with me? If you don’t have a date already,” you inquired, a bit slower this time. His mouth opened and closed a few times, an adorable smile making its way onto his features before he could formulate a proper response in English.

“I, uh,” he started slowly. You were hanging on to his every word, it felt like an out of body experience to be this nervous. Your tough exterior was whittling in the face of adversity, something that rarely happened, especially where feelings were concerned. 

“He would love to,” Ned finished for him. Peter nodded quickly and gave you a thumbs up as he shot a grateful look at his best friend. Relief flooded your features.

“Okay,” you said softly. He nodded again and gave you a grin. Ned looked like he was ready to burst with excitement.

“I’ll see you tomorrow then?” He nodded at you again as Ned started to lead him away towards the boys locker room to change.

You gave him a small nervous smile as he shyly waved at you while walking away. As soon as Ned thought they were out of earshot, he let out a triumphant yelp and started shaking Peter by the shoulders.

“Dude, you actually have a date for homecoming!” he all but squealed. You heard every word of it, but decided not to call either of them out on it as you exited on the opposite end of the gym. Peter muttered something in response, but you couldn’t make out what exactly he said. Even though it was an impromptu proposal, you were still kind of...excited at the prospect of going with him? 

As you opened the double doors to walk the path to your locker, Michelle was waiting for you on the other side instead of at her locker.

“You saw and heard everything didn’t you?” you asked her. She nodded. You rolled your eyes, not surprised that your ever observant best friend had stuck around to see you make a fool of yourself firsthand. She’d never judge you or call you out on it though.

“Why didn’t you tell him it was a bet?” she asked you, a slight frown gracing her face. You stopped walking as you realized what you had just done. 

“It didn’t...come up?” you offered. You truly hadn’t meant to keep that a secret from Peter, but in the midst of your nerves that was exactly what happened. Your heart started to drop a bit as you thought about how excited Ned looked, and how flustered Peter was when he accepted.

“I didn’t mean to not tell him,” you trailed awkwardly. “I’ll tell him next time I see him,” you finished with certainty. Michelle gave you a look.

“You know it’ll be a lot harder to tell him later rather than doing so when you asked him?” she explained. You gave her a pointed look.

“Of course I know that, like I said it wasn’t intentional to leave out the fact that I was asking him because of a bet,” you said defensively. Michelle put up her hands in a mock surrender as the two of you made your way down the empty hallways.

“I’ll tell him tomorrow,” you promised out loud, more so to yourself than to your best friend.

permanent tag list: @searvhing @curly-haired-crisp @werido-fangirl @dreaming-of-the-lost @nightviolet @sunshine-raee @bitsyb21 @naybeirao @thespidersman @themusicorthemisery @call-me-tears @ephemereal @spooder-tom @buckysbumpkin @pvnksy

sorry the beginning kinda sucked and also so did all of this but anyway lmk what u think & pls feel free to berate me LOL if u wanna be on my permanent tag list lmk and i’ll post part 2 when i get the time to write it love u guys