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watchmegetobsessed · 6 years

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Shawn Mendes // Boundaries Part 12

yoooo im back with a new part!! okay this sounded like im a shitty rapper.. im really losing my shit lately over school but whatever... anyway, enjoy! shower me with your thoughts!

Part 1 - Part 2 - Part 3 - Part 4 - Part 5 - Part 6 - Part 7 - Part 8 - Part 9 - Part 10 - Part 11

I’m an emotional wreck when I get into the car and Nick greets me with a friendly smile. The silence is comforting, though I miss the country music Shawn used to play every time he was in a good mood.

I’m not a nail biter, but I nibble on them as we are getting closer and closer to Shawn’s place and I’m trying to come up with a plan on how I want to do it. Should I just blurt it out or should I build it up properly like a speech that ends with me telling him that he is going to be a father?

None of the options seem to be right, so after a while I give up and decide to just go with the flow.

When Nick rolls into the garage my nerves are exploding and my hands are shaking when I get out of the car. I take the elevator and I feel like my stomach was left in the garage when the elevator moved up.

The door opens and I walk into the familiar apartment. I hear his singing voice coming from the kitchen even before I could see him and it immediately brings a smile to my lips. I don’t know what I was expecting to see or how I imagined our first meeting after our emotional goodbye, but it feels… normal.

I walk into the kitchen and he looks up at me from the instant soup he is making and a wide smile dances to his beautiful face. He looks just as handsome as I remembered, his hair is now a bit longer, a curl is dancing on his forehead with every movement, but it’s beyond adorable. I have to fight the urge to curl it to my finger.

“Hi!” he greets me and stepping closer he pulls me into a hug, and I feel like I’m finally safe and home.

“Hi,” I whisper against his hoodie as I wrap my arms around his waist. Smelling his scent makes is even harder to peel myself off of him when it’s long over the friendly duration for the hug. “Instant soup, huh?” I ask hoping to make myself forget about the aching pain in my chest that I’m feeling now that he is standing next to me again.

“I don’t have lunch or dinner dates anymore, so I’m more often stuck here alone. And I’m still not a chef,” he chuckles shaking his head.

“Ordering is still an option, you know?”

“I… haven’t been quite in the mood to talk to strangers, not even a delivery guy,” he mumbles anxiously as he puts a spoon into the soup and stirs it. Steam is dancing above the bowl indicating that it’s still pretty hot, so he doesn’t attempt to taste it, just lets it sit on the counter.

I can relate to how he is feeling and I’m surprised he shared this detail with me. I was afraid he would be distant and sullen with me, but his honesty is calming me.

“Do you want a glass of wine or something?” he asks walking over to the fridge. I almost say yes immediately, some alcohol would definitely work for me, but then I realize that I can’t. Because there is a teeny-tiny baby in my stomach now.

“Um, no thank you,” I shake my head and watch him grab a water for both of us.

“So, not that I’m rushing you, but I’m really curious about what you wanted to talk about.”

We make ourselves comfortable on the couch and I feel my anxiety coming over me. I have no idea how to do it, but I can’t just blurt it out. I need time to think.

“I… I’ve been missing you.”

He gives me a doubtful look and I’m afraid he can see through me, but then he doesn’t question if this was my original intention. But I start talking again just to be sure.

“I’ve been thinking about you a lot and I just couldn’t get you off of my mind. I know I was the one who wanted to end everything, but… I guess I can’t do it.”

I feel horrible. I should have told him straight away instead of talking bullshit. Well, okay, it’s not bullshit, it’s true, I’ve been missing him as hell, but this is not why I came here.

He runs his hand through his hair and I think back of the time I used to do this without a second thought. Now I’m sitting next to him with a decent gap between us, so our legs can’t touch.

“I missed you too, Naya. So much. But… what do you want to do? I mean… I’m happy to start seeing you again, but we have to figure this out, how we want to make it work.”

I nod with a blank stare and I don’t know what I can say. If I don’t tell him about the pregnancy test I’m just fucking everything up, making him believe things are turning right and we can start over again, when truth is, everything is about to turn upside down.

For my luck, his phone starts ringing somewhere in his room and he excuses himself rushing into the room to answer the call.

I growl angrily as I reach for my bag and grab the test. I stare at it and can’t help but grimace. What am I doing here? I can’t ruin his life, I was the stupid one who forgot to take the pill, so it’s all my fault. A child would blow up his whole life and I can’t put up with the thought of messing everything up for him. I shouldn’t have come here.

I jump when I realize he is walking out of his room and in my sudden confusion I tug the stick to my coat’s pocket hiding it as I jump to my feet. I have to leave before I fuck something up.

“Where are you going?” he asks with raised eyebrows.

“I-I gotta leave. I’m sorry.” I mumble nervously as I head to the elevator, but he grabs my arm and… and everything happens too fast.

His grip is not too hard, but it’s strong enough to pull my hand out of the pocket and the stick slides out with it as well. It falls to the floor and the clinking makes me jump. I totally freeze right at that moment, giving Shawn the chance to reach for it.

As I watch him pick the test up from the floor I hold my breath and pull my shoulders up, as if I’m afraid he is about to explode. He hold it between his fingers, stares at it for the longest few seconds before his eyes slowly move up to my face. I’m biting my lips, feeling the tears dwelling in my eyes.

Why didn’t I put the damn test back into my bag? Why am I such an idiot?

“Shawn, I-“ I start, but I don’t get to finish, he cuts me off.

“Is this yours?” he asks in a firm voice. I nod.

“I took it this morning. I threw up last night and realized I’ve been late for over a week, so I bought the test and…”

“Did you do it on purpose?” I hear his next question and the words freeze to my tongue.

“What?” I manage to say.

“Did you get pregnant on purpose? Were you planning on it?”

His expressions are hard, he seems mad and it’s scary to see him like this. I didn’t want to upset him and his questions catch me off-guard. I stare at him in disbelief, but it soon turns into anger. How can he think I did this on purpose?

“Sure, I thought it would be fun to mess up my and your life as well!” I snap back angrily. “Of course I didn’t! I forgot to take the damn pills!” I growl as I snatch the test from his hand. Now I’m raging and I’m offended by the accusation.

“You told me not to worry about it! And yet, you have a positive pregnancy test in your bag now!” he retorts just making it even worse.

“I’m sorry, I was too busy trying not to fall apart! I’m sorry I’m human! But if you think I did this on purpose then I’m leaving now. It was a mistake to come here.”

I turn around furiously, but he grabs my arm again holding me back. When I turn back to him his face is completely changed. He doesn’t seem mad anymore, more like… desperate.

“Hey, hey, hey. I’m sorry! I didn’t… I just- I’m in shock, okay? I didn’t mean to hurt you.”

“And you think I’m not shocked?” I scoff in disbelief. “This morning I found out that I’m pregnant, I came here to find comfort and maybe to find out what we should do now, and then you accuse me of doing it on purpose!” Tears are running down on my cheeks and though I try to push him away, he pulls me to him and closes his arms around me no matter how badly I’m trying to get away from him. “I’m so fucking shook, I’m terrified and I really thought seeing you would make me feel better, but I’m still so afraid.”

Now I’m full on crying, I’m sobbing into his shirt but he doesn’t seem to care. His strong arms hold me tight to his body and I just want to stay like this forever. He is stroking my hair gently, soothing me without letting go of me. I’m glad he is holding me because my knees feel like jelly.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to upset you, I wasn’t thinking. It’s okay baby,” he whispers into my hair pressing a kiss to my temple.

“I’m sorry for raging so bad. I’ve been on an emotional rollercoaster in the last 24 hours,” I mumble wiping my tears off of my face, but I know my eyes has already swelled and as red as a tomato.

“It’s fine. Come on, let’s sit down and talk, okay?”

I nod my head and he pulls me back to the couch. He gently takes my coat off and sitting down he pulls me close, circling an arm around my shoulders. His body’s heat is attracting me like I’m a bug and he is the only light in the room. I cuddle to his side and enjoy the momentary silence as I slowly realize I’m somehow relieved. The secret is out, he knows about the test, now we can focus on figuring out everything else.

“I’m sorry about the pill. I should have been more careful, it’s my fault,” I mumble and looking up at him I my gaze meets his soft eyes. All the anger and doubt is gone by now, I have my soft Shawn back, thanks God.

“Don’t say that. I should have been more persistent about using a condom too. We are in this together. But we really have to figure out the next step.”

“The next step is that I have a doctor’s appointment for tomorrow. These test are pretty reliable, but I need to see a professional as well.”

“Cancel the appointment, I’ll get you one in a private hospital. They are very trustworthy and we can sneak in without getting noticed.”

I don’t protest, I’m more than happy to keep it a secret for as long as possible. The last thing I need is to get recognized as I’m going to the gynecologist with Shawn.

“And we have to tell at least Andrew. He would kill me if something got out without him knowing about it.”

“He is going to hate me for life,” I sigh sadly, shutting my eyes closed. He runs his hand up and down my arm soothingly.

“Hey, don’t worry. Andrew is a smart guy, he doesn’t hold a grudge for nothing. And as I said, I was there too when…” His other hand gently slips under my sweater to my stomach. “When this baby thing happened. You remember?”

His playful smile calms me a bit. I’m suddenly very aware of his warm palm on my stomach and it’s so strange, to think about the tiny baby in my stomach.

“Shawn?” I speak up after a few silent moments.

“Hm?”

“I’m scared.” My voice is just a dying whisper and the damn tears are flowing again from my eyes, I can’t help it. Startled from my sudden mood change he sits straight up so he can look into my eyes, he cups my face in his hands and runs hid thumbs across my cheeks.

“Don’t be. It’s going to be alright. I’m not letting you do this alone, okay?” I nod my head sniffing like a little child. “I know it’s very sudden and scary, but you are not alone. I’m here and we are in this together.”

Now I’m crying because he is the sweetest person alive. His kind and soothing words comfort me like nothing on the world and even though this is a shitty situation I’m still happy I get to do this with him.

“I just… Don’t feel like I’m ready for this,” I choke out shaking my head.

“You will be ready for this when the time comes. I know we can make this work, okay? Just… don’t give up. We have someone else to think about now,” he lets out a small chuckle making me laugh through my tears.

Thanks to the emotional shock we both went through we doze out on the couch soon. When I open my eyes it’s already dark outside, meaning I spent almost half of the day napping with Shawn on his couch. His arms are hugging me protectively as he is spooning me from behind. I don’t want to wake him up, but one, I really have to pee and two, it’s time for me to leave, I don’t intend to spend the night here. Our situation doesn’t mean we are back on track.

I successfully peel myself out of his grip and make it to the bathroom. After quickly taking care of my business I check on him, he is still sleeping, now hugging a pillow to his chest. I take a moment to admire how peaceful he looks right now. No drama, no worries, just his angelic face that I still love so dearly.

As I feel myself getting emotional I turn away and grabbing my stuff I leave. I don’t call for Nick, I get a cab and head home.

I guess my message is clear to Shawn, he doesn’t call me that day. In the morning he texts me that he is picking me up at the café to go to the clinic and he also lets me know we are having a meeting with Andrew and Justin later, though I have no idea who Justin is. Definitely not Bieber.

Elisa is not home when I wake up, I’m thankful I don’t have to face her, she knows me too damn well and I know it would take one look and she would know something is off. I need more time to figure things out.

I have a beanie on and my scarf is covering half my face so I’m not recognizable. From my previous month spent with Shawn I expect him to be distant and moody after I left without a word yesterday, but I guess the situation is different now. I’m welcomed with a bright smile as I sit into the car.

“Hey, how are you feeling?” he asks me kindly.

“Um, fine. I was a bit nauseous in the morning, but I’m better,” I sigh tiredly. I leave out the part where I spent ten minutes kneeling next to the toilet because I was pretty close to throwing up. “Who is this Justin we are meeting later?” I ask.

“Justin Stirling. He is in my team, he has been doing a lot of marketing stuff for me lately, but he was busy with family stuff last month.”

I nod my head noting the information. The rest of the car ride is spent in silence. I feel so strange, before this whole pregnancy drama Shawn was always the dominant one, especially because he was kind of my boss. But now he looks so lost and confused, my news yesterday must have thrown him over the edge. He is looking out for my every mood and it’s starting to make me feel uncomfortable.

We make it into the clinic without anyone noticing us. This is definitely not how I imagined my first trip to the doctor when I become pregnant. It’s far from idyllic, I’m nervous, my hands are shaking so I hide them in my pocket, Shawn is like a jumpy kid, looking out for everything around us.

“Hello, I’m Dr. Hosier, please, come in,” the doctor greets us. She is a lovely middle-aged woman with a warm smile which is quite calming. We follow her into the room and while I sit up on the white bed Shawn takes place next to me. “So tell me, what do we know so far?” she asks as she is getting ready for my examination.

“Um, I’ve been late for about nine days now, in the past two days I’ve been feeling nauseous and I threw up once. I took a test and it came out positive.” I’m nervous to talk about it with Shawn right next to me, but I try not to think about it.

“Okay. Any pain maybe in the lower stomach?”

“No,” I shake my head.

Soon my pants and underwear comes off and I sit with my legs up while Dr. Hosier is facing my lower half. She keeps asking me questions, I just stare up at the ceiling and answer them like a robot. Shawn looks tensed as he is looking at the doctor.

“I’m going to do an ultrasound quickly,” she informs me she helps me put my legs down. I’m trying to breathe evenly as she pours some jelly on my stomach and starts roaming it with that… something. I don’t even know what these things are, this is how unprepared I am!

All three of us is staring at the screen that is filled with black and white void, I don’t see anything, but the Dr. Hosier freezes the picture and puts a circle around a teeny-tiny dot in the lower part of the image.

“Well, I have news. You are in fact pregnant, Miss Duvall and that little dot is the baby.”

I guess she can sense how unwelcomed the situation is, so she keeps her congrats to herself. She quickly tells me that we need to reserve another appointment soon, she talks about vitamins and useful information while I wipe my stomach clean and get dressed.

“Here, this is for you,” she tells me handing me an envelope. Opening it I see two copies of the ultrasound picture. I just thank her quietly wanting nothing more than to just finally leave the clinic. It is official now, I’m pregnant.

The realization hits me hard across my face as we walk out of the room and head to the car. Neither of us is talking, I’m scared, mad and desperate about the situation and I’m pretty deep in my thoughts when Shawn takes my hand and stops me before I could walk out of the building.

“Naya, let’s… talk for a minute, okay?”

I just nod my head as we sit down in two seats in the corner. No one is batting an eye at us fortunately.

“I, uh- I just wanted to tell you that… I know it’s scary and everything, and Andrew will probably explode when we tell him, but… I’m totally in.”

“In what?” I ask confused.

“In this. In us, in investing in this pregnancy. I want to be part of it, no matter how crazy things will get. And I guess I’m not saying anything new if I say I want us to… continue from where we were before things went downhill.”

“Things didn’t go downhill, our work came to its end and I did the logical thing.”

“But this is not work anymore. I want to give us a chance.”

I stare at him with mixed emotions. I don’t know what I want, I need time to figure out my next step. I have so much to worry about now that my feelings for Shawn must come second… or third… I’m more worried about what Andrew will say, how I’m going to work and what will people think if it ever gets out.

“I need time. It’s just too messy for me now. I’m sorry, but… I need to figure everything out.”

I can tell my answer doesn’t satisfy him, but he doesn’t protest. Pressing his lips together he nods shortly before we continue our way out of the clinic.

I’m shitting my pants when we reach the office complex where we are supposed to meet Andrew and Justin. I have no idea what to expect, but I’m sure it won’t be too pretty. Shawn tries to calm me telling me that it will be alright, but I know we are in trouble.

Shawn knocks on the door that has Andrew’s name on it and when we get the approval he opens the door.

“Ah, hey! I didn’t know you would be here too,” he immediately says when he sees me, confusion all over his face as he shakes hands with Shawn shooting him a questioning look. But he just ignores it and turns to the other guy in the room.

“Hey man, this is…” he starts gesturing at me, but he is not sure which name to use, so I step ahead and hold a hand out for Justin.

“I’m Naya. Hi.”

This is already over the work relationship I formed previously, my real name is justifiable. I see Andrew’s surprised face from the corner of my eyes and I know he is a smart guy, he must be putting the picture together slowly. But I bet he has no idea about the bomb we are about to drop onto him.

“Hey, Justin. Nice to meet you,” Stirling shakes my hand and soon we all take our places. Andrew is behind the desk, Justin is leaning against the bookshelf in the corner while Shawn and I are sitting in front of them.

“So, what is this meeting about?” Andrew questions. I turn to Shawn and he is already opening his mouth to answer.

“I have something to tell you, but I hope you won’t get mad. I just want you to listen to me.” Andrew nods and Shawn continues. “So… During the one month Naya and I kinda got cozy, if you know what I mean. In the last two weeks things escalated quickly, so it all took a romantic turn. But, um, w-we ended it when the month was over,” he adds and I’m staring at Andrew, trying to read his expressions, but I can’t. He is like a statue.

“Okay, go on, what is the problem?” he asks leaning back in his seat, but I have a feeling he already figured it out, because when he looks at me I can feel his eyes burning into my skin.

“We made a very reckless and immature mistake by… Um, we- we didn’t…” Shawn’s stuttering is getting under my skin, so I take a deep breath and just blurt it out.

“We didn’t use protection and I’m pregnant.”

The room falls silent, Andrew is staring at me, Shawn is staring at Andrew, Justin is staring at Shawn and I’m staring at the floor. The words felt heavy in my mouth and I’m afraid my heart is about to jump out of my chest.

After what feels like eternity, Andrew takes his glasses off pinching the bridge of his nose as he takes a few deep breaths. Once he places the glasses back he leans on the desk and finally speaks.

“Have you been to a doctor or you just did a test?” he asks in a calm, but distant tone.

“We went to the clinic together today. I was there, it’s one hundred percent,” Shawn answers for me.

“How many weeks are you?”

“It’s the fourth,” I mumble ashamed. Andrew’s questions are prim and strict, it all feels like an interrogation.

I look at Justin for the first time since Shawn started talking and his face looks blank, but I can tell his thoughts are racing, trying to figure out what to do with the situation.

“Okay, and what do you want?”

I furrow my eyebrows confused.

“What I want? I don’t understand it…”

“What do you want?” He repeats. “Money? Followers? A job? What do you want?”

“I don’t wa- You think I did this to get stuff from you or Shawn?” I ask realizing what this is about. Shawn’s first reaction was almost the same and now I’m definitely hurt. I never made them believe I’m a scheming bitch, why does everyone think I’m using them?

“Of course the thought crosses my mind, otherwise, how could you be so reckless to have unsafe sex?” he asks as if it’s the most obvious thing in the world, but it’s just making my blood boil.

“Andrew, it’s not-“ Shawn starts, but I cut him off.

“How dare you accuse me of being such a horrible person? You know nothing about me! Just because I work as an escort doesn’t mean I have such low life choices as getting myself knocked up by a client! You know what? It was a mistake to come here.” I grab my bag and throwing it on my shoulder I stand up, ready to leave. Everyone moves with me, Andrew and Shawn jump up and Justin takes a step towards me, all three of them to stop me, but the intentions are not the same. While Shawn wants me to stay because he cares about me, Andrew is just afraid is I slip out the door he can’t control the news anymore.

Shawn grabs my wrist and gently pulls me closer to him.

“Please don’t go, let’s talk.”

“You are not leaving without a confidentiality contract, no way you are walking out just like that,” Andrew growls and it’s just making it worse.

“You’re not making me do anything. I don’t need anything from you,” I spat at him and Shawn stands between us, as if he is afraid we would start a fist fight.

“Let’s calm down and talk, okay? Please!” he pleads, but behind him Andrew doesn’t seem too committed.

“I can’t deal with him if he is treating me like a bitch,” I say in a low voice, but the room is small, so everyone can hear it. Though I don’t care.

“Andrew, would you calm down? It was all an accident, she is not trying to ruin me,” he tells his manager turning to face him, but he is still holding my wrist.

I can tell Andrew is boiling inside, holding himself back not to throw the desk at me, and we are staring at each other like two hungry lions over the last piece of meat. Poor Shawn is standing in the middle, hoping he won’t have to pull us out of a fight anytime soon.

Then he takes a deep breath and nods.

“I’m sorry, but this was… quite shocking. I wasn’t expecting this.”

“I get it, it was a shocker for everyone, but let’s just talk about it, okay?” Shawn offers and I’m too tired and emotionally drained out to start a fight, so I nod my head agreeing.

We manage to sit back to our previous places and Justin stands right behind Andrew as we try to start it over again without the accusations and drama.

“I’m sorry for reacting so harshly,” Andrew starts, obviously thinking through his choice of words. “I’m just shocked, but of course, I don’t think you are trying to use Shawn. So… Let’s figure out what to do,” he offers and we all nod agreeing. “Was abortion ever an option?”

“No,” Shawn and I answer at the same time even though we never discussed it. Despite the difficulties of the situation I wouldn’t be able to abort this baby, it’s just impossible for me and I guess Shawn thinks the same way.

“Alright, then we need a strategy,” Andrew tells a bit more like to himself than to us as he is staring down at his desk. “Um… Are you guys…”

“Are you guys together now?” Justin asks speaking up for the first time in a while.

I see Shawn turning to me from the corner of my eyes, and his gaze is burning my temple as he is staring at me.

“It’s… it’s undefined. I have to figure a lot of stuff out.” I say feeling a bit guilty under their examining looks.

“But this is all joint now. Your decisions effect our work as well, I’m sorry, but you can’t just run free. Obviously, Shawn wants to take part in the baby’s life, so we have to work together. What stuff do you need to figure out?”

I feel awkward and anxious as I realize that he is right. I have to worry about myself, the baby and also consider Shawn as a third party, because he has the right to take part in this journey. I owe him honesty.

“I-I have to think about work, I need to talk to Joshua, because as soon as it gets visible I can’t work. But then I need money, because…” I don’t finish the sentence, I’m not ready to share my giant debts with them and listen to their pity. No way.

“Naya, I can support you financially. Let me help you out!” Shawn sighs obviously being over my shit, but I’m just too stubborn.

“No. That’s your money. I have my own problems to solve,” I protest.

“But I told you, we are in this together! I won’t just watch you struggle.”

“I can’t ask you to do me such a huge favor,” I shake my head staring down at my hands. I’m ashamed to admit how much debt I have to pay for every month.

“You’re not asking, I’m offering it.”

“Shawn stop!” I snap at him as I feel myself getting emotional again. “You have no idea how deep I’m in this shit! I inherited 1.2 million dollars of debts after my mom disappeared and left my number to everyone she was owing to, so now I’m paying thousands of dollars every month, because if I don’t, I might end up dead in a dumpster!”

My outburst is followed by total silence and my eyes are tearing up pretty quick. I didn’t mean to say it out loud, I never want people to know how much I struggle because of my own mother. She was a failure, never had a decent job so he paid for her debts by asking for more money from different people. Living this lifestyle for almost ten years can send you down the spiral, and when she disappeared after I moved out from her she left 1.2 million dollars worth of debt, forcing me to start working as an escort since this was the only job that offered me enough money each month to cover everything. I’ve paid back about half of the money by now, but I’m still coughing the rest every damn month. I was once late with paying, the next day two not too friendly guys showed up at my apartment and taught me a lesson with their fists. I never want to experience that. I scared the shit out of Elisa when she saw my black-eye.

“Can we… Can we have this conversation sometime later? I’m really not feeling good,” I say after a long time. I guess I shocked everyone with my outburst, they are all speechless. Shawn is the first one to recover after the scene.

“Um, Andrew how about we all have lunch tomorrow and talk about this? I think we all need some time to adjust the situation.”

I thank God for this offer, because I’m nauseous and anxious to sit here and talk about the future that involves a baby in my belly.

“It’s a great idea. Let’s just think about everything and come prepared the next time,” Justin nods agreeing and Andrew seems to be on the same page as well.

I put on my coat and keeping my gaze down I leave the office while Shawn exchanges a few words. I stop at the hallway waiting for him, chewing on my bottom lip I’m on the verge of crying once again. A few minutes later Shawn appears and seeing my long face he wraps an arm around my shoulders pulling me to his chest and this is exactly what I need right now.

“How about we get some takeaway, go to my place, eat and… just chill. Hm?” He offers mumbling into my hair, running his hands up and down my arms soothingly. I just nod my head, I’m too weak and stressed to talk and though I know I shouldn’t be getting closer to him, I just can’t resist. I need his presence, I want him to tell me it’s going to be okay, I just need somebody.

No.

I need him.

I AM SHOOK ARE YOU SHOOK LETS ALL BE SHOOK no im just kidding I WROTE IT hahaha okay im done here bye

taglist: @damnigotadime @jrock-1987 @dacutiehart @ricchhelle @shar-is-my-name @hollandechart

#shawn mendes #shawn #mendes #shawn mendes imagines #Shawn Mendes Imagine #shawn mendes fanfic #shawn mendes fanfiction #shawn mendes fic #shawn mendes fanfics #shawn mendes fanfictions #shawn mendes x reader #magcon #mendes army #boundaries #boundaries series

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wheresmaldo865 · 6 years

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ShinsoXReader Valentine Day Special Featuring Song Dead Girl walking from the Heathers

Happy Valentines day! I got this idea in my head and decided to type this up. I originally wanted to do it for Bokugo but wanted to extend my characters palette... since my inbox is always empty :(

But any way, full steam ahead! I didn’t really get the chance to do detailed editing so please forgive me if theres any errors. Also the song is a little out of order so that some things make more sense.

Also, someone please tell me how to properly spell this kids name. I seen it boths ways with and without a u 😭

There a little doodle of Shinsou at the end 😉

Warning: Vanilla smut (Nothing detailed)

Word Count: 1752

‘The Demon queen of high school has decreed it, she says Monday, 8am I will be deleted. They’ll hunt me down in study hall. Stuff and mount me on the wall. Thirty hours to live, how shall I spend them?’

Standing there in a ghostly empty party room was the worst nightmare anyone could have imagined. A ruptured friendship. Three ugly sisters with more power then they deserved. Yet, she forgot.

She had put herself into this whole mess. She had wanted to be part of the ugly sister comment. The bitter sweet sensation had brought her satisfaction and acceptance between her other peers.

Now it was… only bitter.

Because (Y/n) had even had the audacity to stand against them. They made it a public statement to make her live a living hell. As if the room hadn’t already been hot before.

Her palms were sweaty from the wild night she had. Her school uniform stuck to her cold skin a bit to tightly. (Y/n) collar seemed to squeeze tighter, and tighter as the night went on.

I don’t have to stay and die like cattle. I could change my name and ride up to Seattle. But I don’t own a motorbike.

(Y/n) contemplated the endless options she could muster. Running away to the next town… or a town across the seas. Her parents didn’t need to know. No one needed to know anything. However, the more she thought upon one idea. The more ridiculous it ended up sounding. Even in her own head.

So, she continued on her way home. The summer night was overwhelmingly stuffy. Large beads of sweat formed on her forehead and rolled down her red cheeks. Right about now she wished for nothing more than a cold shower to run down her spine.

Y/n) spotted a window spilling light onto the side walk. Her eyes followed the beam of light to a room seated on a two-story building. She could a shadow of a figure walk by. Long spoffy hair poking out from all angles of his head. (Y/n) chuckled to herself.

She knew who the lavender purple hair belonged to.

There was suddenly an interrupting thought that came into her mind. Something devious, something… naughty. The liquor in her blood burned and set her body a flame. Desire hit her with a bus, especially in the lower area. The more she played with the idea. The wetter she became.

Wait, here an option that I like. Spend these thirty hours getting freaky!

Yeah!

I need it hard. I’m a dead girl walking!

(Y/n) marched her pretty little face right up to the door of Shinsou’s house. The blood in her veins mixed with the alcohol pumped excitedly. She was feeling too good to turn back. There was no hesitation in her hands as she lifted it to ring the doorbell twice.

She waited patiently for the door to open.

I’m in your yeard. I’m a dead girling walking. Before they punch my clock. I’m snapping off your window lock. Got no time to knock. I’m a dead girl walking…

The door finally opened. She was greated by the man himself, Hitoshi Shinsou. Someone she saw frequently in her life and had… affections toward. One could say the feelings were returned. There was only one way to find out now.

“(Y/n)? What’re you doing in my house?”

She smiled innocently. She took her pointer finger and pressed it gently onto Shinsou lips. She found it amusing the way his eyes went wide. A blush slowly creeping its way onto his face.

“Shhhh.”

Once Shinsou had finally regained his courage, he took her by the hand and led her inside. To him it was evident she wasn’t all put together, as she usually was. Before she could say anything more, he sat her up in his room. Giving her some water and medicine to replace the hangover pain she may have in the morning.

“Better?” He asked with a soft smile.

She nodded. Though the courage in her heart did not disappeared with the buzz. (Y/n) scooted her body closer to his. Their shoulders, legs, and arms bumping in several places. The blushed rushed back to his, but he didn’t move away from her. Her perfume flooded his senses. Rooting him in his place.

Sorry, but I really had to wake you. See, I decided I must ride you ‘til I break you.

The blush on Shinsou’s cheeks traveled evenly to the rest of his face. He was completely blown away by the words that had just come out of his dear friends’ mouth.

Of course, he adored his friend. He would risk life and limb for the women before him. On the other hand, this hadn’t been the way he had planned to confess to such a lovely girl.

She was rubbing up against him in a way he almost couldn’t say no. Shinsou gently grabbed her by the shoulders and forced himself to pause for a moment. He had to be sincere now. For her sake.

“Wait, wait! What has gotten into you?”

‘Cause Heather says I gots to go. You’re my last meal on death row. Shut your mouth and lose them tighty whiteys”

(Y/n) turned the table on him. She wiggled her way around him. Pinning him underneath her on his bed. There was her scent again, intoxicating his mind. The way she moved to sit upon his waist did the unimaginable to him. He was beginning to feel tight in the jeans he wore.

He shot up again. As much as Shinsou wanted this. The desire for her consent grew bigger than anything poking in his pants. He would hate himself for several eternities if she regretted this in the end.

“Wait.” The word fell firmly to (Y/n) ears. Her giggles became put aside. She starred wide eyes and locked eyes with Shinsou Listening attentively to what he had to say to her.

Shinsou’s eyes closed for a moment. He simply let himself be present in her presence. Allowing him to short his desires and feelings.

“I…” He started but couldn’t finished until another second passed. “I have cherished you… for what seems like forever now. Watching you become such a powerful hero and wonderful friend. I would do anything to protect you from any harm. Even if that means it’s from myself. So, I have to know. You have to be certain.”

Shinsou toned shifted from his love filled admiration to an urgent one. What he said next was a serious matter to him.

“You have to be certain this is what you want. With me. A life and a future with someone like me. Otherwise, I’ll make sure you get home safe.”

Shinsou’s room became painfully silent for a few moments. (Y/n) eyes traveled to his chest. Perhaps trying to dissect his rapidly beat heart for sincerity. When she came back to meet his gaze… Shinsou had a feeling she had her answer.

A soft smile graced her lips. Her face was so close to his he could taste the drink she had on his tongue.

And you know, you know, you know. Its cause you’re beautiful. You say you’re numb inside, but I can’t agree. So the worlds unfair. Keep it locked out there. In Here it’s beautiful. Let’s make this beautiful!”

Her lips were on his in an instant. Her hands slide across his chest and up to his neck. Losing themselves in his wild hair. It took him a moment to register what was finally happening. Once he knew, boy. Did he respond. His arms found their way around (Y/n) waist and brought her closer to him. It didn’t take long before the grinding became heated. Kisses became hastily sloppy. Hands were slipping into places never touched by anyone else.

One by one, clothes were beginning to come off.

Tonight, I’m yours. I’m your dead girl walking! Get on all fours! Kiss this dead girl walking. Let’s, go you know the drill. I’m hot and pissed and on the pill. Bow down to the will- Of a dead girl walking!

Shinsou had (Y/n) pinned down to his bed. His pillowed framing her face perfect, though her hair was already becoming a mess. The face she was giving him still droves his desire. He wanted you immediately. It was only a matter of time before Shinsou had his thumb hooked on the pants and panties (Y/n) had chosen to wear. Sliding them off her smooth (S/c) legs. The new cool air rubbing against her sex produced a whimper from her throat. Shinsou chuckled lighty at the reaction.

He then removed his own shirt. Moving to then remove hers. He plucked the buttons one by one. The bra she wore was gone in a second. Revealing her total naked body to him. A sculpture he could marvel in for hours if he was given the time.

Full steam ahead. Take this dead girl walking! Lets break the bed. Rock this dead girl walking. No sleep tonight for you. Better chug that Mountain Dew! Get your ass in gear. Make this whole town disappear.

(Y/n) rose up from her place. Starling Shinsou slightly. He let out a small yelp when he found himself on his back again. His face turned red again when (Y/n) undid the buckle of his pants and ran them down impatiently. As if he would run away when the clock struck 12.

Her mouth found his member way too quickly for Shinsou to take. A loud groan caught him off guard as her wet lips wrapped around him. Her tongue swirling in all the right spots. Another growl ripped through his teeth when the full length of him hit the back of her throat. Combined with rhythmic pumping of her mouth and hand was almost too much for him. Shinsou had to protest for a stop before he would be completely spent.

Sitting up and looking into (Y/n). He couldn’t be filled with anymore lust before her burst. It only took another minute for (Y/n) to lay on her back. Shinsou nestling himself between her legs. Teasing her wet entrance.

A single push at the hip was all it took for him to be completely inside her.

The rest of the night Shinsou and (Y/n) spent their new-found time tangled in each other. Pleasure and it each touch filled with loving passion. They shared every moment they could. Hot breathes, moans and kisses coming from their lips.

#my hero academia #shinso hitoshi #shinsō hitoshi #shinsou x reader #mha shinsou #bnha shinsou

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the-marvel-imagines-blog · 6 years

Text

Madness | Chpt. 9

Requests are Open

Chapter Title: “Alone Again”

Pairing: Loki x Original Female Character

Word Count: 7,782

Warnings: ???

Name Pronunciations: Hjalmar: “He-all-mar” | Aaldir: “All-deer” | Ephinea: “Eh-fin-ee-uh”

A/N: This was one of the more difficult chapters to make it through, since I wanted to follow the timeline of events in IM3 (one of my favorite movies in the MCU), but I also wanted to tie in Eva. I hope Tony lives up to your expectations. I try to pull pieces from the MCU version, comic book version, and my own personal ideas. Once again, you’re all so amazing for even reading this in the first place. I love all of you so, so, so much <3 -Ellie

Tagged: @teddyboobear @alledeglyfunny @xletmetaste-yoursmilex @itsknife2meetu (anyone who wants to be tagged can message me and ask. It’s not a problem at all)

When I landed, a chill overcame me as soon as the bridge disappeared from around me. I gazed around at the ground that surrounded the ring the Bifrost left and noticed that it was all snow. I pulled the hood of my white robe over my head and pulled the robes around my body, feeling warmer instantly. As I gazed up into the crystal clear night sky, I saw the stars twinkling and shimmering. Midgard had some of the most beautiful views of the sky, but it was nothing close to the view from the edge of Asgard. Still, whenever Loki and I were on Midgard, we would find a way to lay in the grass and gaze up at the stars for a while. Suddenly, I noticed him. At first, he looked more like a falling star than the armored man. Seeing his trajectory, I knew that he was bound to fly right into the forest next to me.

I ran over to the trees and rested my hand against them. As I closed my eyes, I connected with the essence of life within the planet itself. She was beautiful, strong, and loving without expecting any love in return. The Midgardians often treated her poorly, but she continued to provide for them as best she could. I focused on the pulsing energy beneath the tips of my fingers as the sound of the suit rocketing toward the Earth faded away. The sound wasn’t replaced by another, but instead, it was replaced by the beautiful silence of the world. In the silence, my soul became eternally bound to hers. It was an experience that I had on my own, as no other Asgardian I confided in had ever felt that way before. However, it made my bonds with the life energies of every world that much more powerful. When our souls bound together, she finally heard my heart, and I could feel the tree beneath my hand shift. I felt them all shift.

When I opened my eyes, I saw that the trees had separated just enough to accommodate Tony’s fall, and as he zoomed past me and through the forest, I thanked her for her act of generosity. I began running after him, but I knew that I wouldn’t be able to catch him, not before he stopped himself. He bounced off the ground a few more times, which slowed him down. Nearly as soon as he made it out of the forest, I had caught up to him enough to grab hold of his suit in an attempt to stop him. The metal slipped from my fingers, and he skidded across the ground before coming to a complete stop, face first in the snow. I hid myself in the darkness that the forest provided once the trees moved back into place. The light from the stars and moon in the night sky left shadows in the woods that I faded into.

As I camouflaged myself in the darkness, I watched as one of the greatest heroes I knew groaned and turned himself over onto his back before reaching up and tearing off the metal faceplate, “what the hell was that?” he asked aloud to the artificial intelligence we all knew as Jarvis. I could hear the change in his breathing pattern. I had such a strong connection to him that I could feel every subtle change within him, sometimes before they even happened. I knew that he was paranoid about what just happened, “did you see that beam of light in the sky, Jay? Was it just me? Am I going crazy? Where are we” he asked, his voice trembling.

I didn’t hear Jarvis’ response, but if I closed my eyes, I could hear that voice. It was smoother than anyone could have anticipated from a disembodied, artificial voice. As Tony’s suit opened, I watched as he shot out of it, sitting up and staring into the woods he had just barrelled through. I knew he was trying to think of how he possibly made it out of there without crashing through trees and hitting branches. His eyes scanned the shadows, but I blended in so well that he wouldn’t be able to see me even if he was staring right at me. I watched as he began to shudder from the cold, “that’s brisk!” he exclaimed, his entire body trembling from the cold. I couldn’t imagine how it must’ve felt for him. I was lucky enough to be impervious to the fluctuating seasons. The extreme heat and cold wouldn’t kill me, but it could make me uncomfortable, and I was pretty uncomfortable in that moment, “maybe I’ll just cozy back up for a-”

Tony was cut off by the disembodied voice that came from the open suit, “I...actually think I need to sleep now, sir,” Jarvis said, the suit beginning to power down.

“Jarvis. Jarvis?” Tony asked, panic in his voice. I knew he didn’t want to be left alone, not after what he just went through. I didn’t know what led up to him rocketing down toward the ground, but I could tell by the fear in his voice, the cuts on his face, and the shaking in his hands that things were far from being alright for him. He was terrified, and it wasn’t because of what just happened, it was because of something else, something I needed to help him with. As his eyes continued to scan the forest around him, I stepped out of the shadows and listened to his breath hitch in his throat. As I stepped out of the forest and closed the space between us, I lowered the hood of my robes, “Eva?” he asked, his body continuing to quake in anticipation, uncertainty, and the cold.

The sides of my mouth pulled up into a smile, and I did my best to push back the pain in my abdomen for the moment in order to be positive for his sake, “hi, Tony,” I murmured, my heart filling with joy as it finally sank in that he was alive. When Heimdall told me that he was in danger, I was worried that I wouldn’t make it to him in time or that he would already be dead.

His dark brown eyes remained wide, even as I knelt down beside him. He was in utter disbelief that I was even there in front of him, and there would be little to nothing I could do to ease his mind. The last time we saw each other, I had made it abundantly clear that I would only be back in the most dire circumstances that pertained to her safety. However, I knew that she wasn’t in danger with Steve; there was no way he would allow harm to come to her, especially not after all we had been through. Tony was the only one whose life was on the line. He shook his head, his eyelashes fluttering like the wings of a butterfly as he tried to blink away what he thought was an illusion, “am I dreaming?” he asked, the words causing me to let out a chuckle, “am I dead?” he asked, not understanding why he was seeing me.

I furrowed my eyebrows, wondering why it was so hard for a genius like him to figure it out. I knew that part of it was how I left things when I went back to Asgard the last time, but I also knew that a part of it was because he couldn’t wrap his mind around why someone would care about him enough to go out of their way to help him. It was devastating to see him trying to figure out why people would care about him in the first place, and I was watching it happen in front of my eyes in that very moment, “no, why?” I asked, wrapping my cloak around his shoulders to keep him warm. The lack of warmth from my cloak left my patches of bare skin prey for the cold air around us. Tony was warm, though, and that was all that mattered.

As he tried to shrug out of the cloak, not wanting me to go without, I shook my head and watched as the robes stayed locked around his body. He looked genuinely confused, but he was still too busy trying to decipher my presence, “what the hell are you doing here?” he asked, finally giving up the fight to figure it out on his own. Suddenly, his eyes filled with dread, “is she okay?” he asked, knowing that there should’ve been no reason for my presence as long as she was safe.

I gave a simple nod, not wanting to talk about her, “I’m here to help. I saw that you were in trouble, so I’m here to help you sort through it and to make sure you don’t get yourself killed, which it seems like you’re trying to do,” I said, gazing at the cuts on his face. There was one across the bridge of his nose, one on his cheek, and one on his forehead. My eyebrows furrowed as I tried to piece together what happened before I got there, what happened to lead to him rocketing toward the Earth, looking just as busted up as Hjalmar did when he trained with Ephinea. She could lay him out without missing a beat, “you’re bleeding!” I exclaimed, reaching out to cup his cheek only for him to wince away from me.

That single move tore my heart to pieces, as if there was still enough of it left whole for that to happen. I had always been able to see through the facade he put up, but this was something new. He was far more vulnerable than ever before in that one reaction, and it summed up the way he saw himself. It summed up just how little he believed he was worth. He didn’t think himself worthy enough for my help, and he was afraid that I would hurt him. It hurt to know that he could view me as a threat, but it hurt me even more that someone or something hurt him so badly that he was conditioned to expect that. Tony had been through a lot, far more than he ever could’ve imagined, far more than many others could handle. He was tender-hearted but hid away that side of himself to appear cold, to appear “strong.”

I blinked the tears away, not wanting to show him how much his action truly hurt me, “I can fix it,” I explained, causing him to finally show himself to me. His eyebrows furrowed, and I knew that he doubted my abilities, but he would see them in a moment. I reached up once more, focusing on the slow movement of my hand, making sure not to startle him again. The entire time, I felt his gaze on me, and once I finally rested my hand against his cheek, I met his intense stare, brown eyes boring into mine. They were so deep that the further I fell into his gaze, the warmer I became. As I focused my power, I felt his wounds transferring through my fingertips and onto me, and his eyes fluttered closed. Even though it was always an unpleasant experience, even though my whole body ached, the piece that made the transfer worth it was knowing that the pain I endured was a pain he no longer needed to carry. For a man like Tony, I would take on a pain that would take my life just so the world could keep him.

Once I removed my hand from his cheek, his eyes shot open. Every time I touched someone, I knew the effect. Our souls-for that moment-were connected. I didn’t understand why or how it happened, but it did. When I used my abilities on that person through the touch, the connection was heightened. When I stopped using my abilities and pulled away, it was like an electrical shock, leaving the other person slightly mystified. When Tony finally realized what I had done, seeing the cuts on my face that once belonged to him, his eyebrows furrowed, “how did-why did you do that?” he asked, tripping over his own words.

“I wanted to help,” I answered simply before standing up and holding my hand out for him to join me. He took it, and I pulled him up to his feet. He brushed himself off beneath the cloak that fell from his broad shoulders. For a moment, I saw Howard once more, and I realized how similar they looked but how much gentler Tony was than his father. I cleared my throat, not wanting to waste time reminiscing when I didn’t know the kind of danger Tony was in, “come. Let us find somewhere warmer,” I stated, and he nodded his head in agreement. Even though he was warm in the robes, I knew he only agreed because he was worried about me, and he would’ve attempted to give the robes back if he didn’t already know what my response would have been. We learned a lot about each other in New York, “we should make our way toward the closest town. I will carry the suit. Just follow me and try not to freeze to death.”

He shook his head as soon as I mentioned his suit, and I knew that it was the same reaction I would’ve received if I offered to carry a mother’s newborn child away from her. He was simply protective over his creations, and he had good reason to be. He worked tirelessly on them, and I saw what his obsession and perfectionist mentality had done to him. He wanted to protect the things he nearly killed himself trying to perfect, “I can carry the-” his voice trailed off as I lifted the suit into my arms, and rested it over my shoulder like Hjalmar did to me countless times before throwing me into the pond in the woods behind our cottage. I watched as Tony’s eyes widened, and he cleared his throat, “yeah, you can...carry the suit,” he murmured.

I chuckled, knowing that he seemingly forgot that I was not of this world, that our anatomy, while very similar, was different. I was no goddess, but Asgardians were physically stronger than the people of Midgard and were more durable for the most part. Closing my eyes, I felt my life connecting with the essence of the world beneath my feet, and I listened to the gentle thrumming that surrounded me. I could where it was coming from, and when I opened my eyes, I began following it with Tony close behind me. He picked up his pace and gazed up at me, “how do you even know which way we’re going? Have you been in this area before?” he asked, unsure of how I knew where I was.

I shook my head, “no, but I can feel it,” I answered, not knowing exactly how to explain it, but I could still feel his confusion. Tony was very grounded in science and logic, but there were certain things about me, certain things about the world I knew, that weren’t grounded in anything I could explain with science or with a language he would know. I didn’t even know how to comprehend some of my abilities, and there were times when I lived in fear of them because they had a tendency to show up out of the blue. I wasn’t a goddess, but I had been granted strengths and abilities that were uncommon in the lives of the average Asgardian. I continued to speak, knowing that he would remain uncertain as long as his unasked question went unanswered, “it’s a lot like a vibration. I can feel the essence of life, and I can feel it when it’s close. I just know the way to go,” I explained to the best of my ability.

I glanced over at him, and our eyes connected. I saw every vulnerability he had in that moment, and he knew I could see it, but he didn’t try to hide from me. Our connection, while strange, was deep and unbreakable. No amount of time or space could break what we had, and that all began far before he could remember, far before I would ever disclose. He gave a simple nod of his head, content with the answer I gave, even though it was vague and confusing, “I trust you,” he remarked, an intensity in his eyes that could match a dying star.

“I won’t let you down,” I promised before gazing down at the snow that covered the ground in a blanket of white. We walked in silence for a while as we both tried to wrap our minds around what was happening in our own personal lives. I knew that Tony would be too respectful of my privacy to press the question of why I was on Midgard helping him. He knew what coming back to this world meant to me, the kind of pain and distress it would cause me, so he couldn’t understand why I would come back to help him with something that wasn’t a threat on a worldwide scale, not like Loki had been in New York. I didn’t know if he was willing to talk about the events that led up to him crashing into a field of snow so far from civilization, so we walked in silence until we saw the lights radiating from a small town.

“Maybe we should look for a phone, so you can try to contact Pepper to let her know you’re safe,” I noted, making a mental note to find someone who was willing to spare their phone for Tony to use, “she must be worried sick about you.”

He cleared his throat, and I felt a shift in his energy. Glancing over at him, I saw the frown etched deeply into his face, and I knew that he was upset by my words. Before I had the chance to apologize, he spoke, “she actually left after New York,” he confessed, “she said that it was too much to handle, especially since I wasn’t willing to put my suits to rest. How could I, though, especially after seeing what the world was up against?” he asked, running a hand through his hair before returning it to the warmth beneath the robes.

I frowned, “you’ve been a hero to the world for a long time, Tony. You made the choice to become a hero, and that choice didn’t come from a place of arrogance or need for a higher level of fame. You became a hero because you have the compassion this world so desperately needs. You took the weight of the world onto your shoulders and fought on behalf of those who couldn’t fight for themselves. If my words mean anything, you should know that you more than earned the luxury of hanging up the mantle of Iron Man and living as Tony Stark,” I explained, “I’m not telling you that you need to, and I’m not telling you that she was right for leaving. Just because she left doesn’t mean she doesn’t care about you anymore.”

He shook his head, “she moved on. She’s with a new guy in a new city, and she’s happy. That’s all I ever wanted for her, and I think that deep down, I knew she wouldn’t find that with me,” he stated.

My eyes immediately filled with tears as I listened to him talk about himself like there was something wrong with him. I blinked the tears away, but the ache in my heart was still there, “I really wish you could see yourself the way I see you because you’d understand just how brilliant and incredible you truly are, Tony. It hurts to hear the way you talk about yourself, like you’re not worthy of love because...you’re wrong,” I stated, shaking my head.

Then, there was silence again. All I could hear was the snowflakes falling from the sky. Some of them even clung to Tony’s long eyelashes, which I couldn’t help but notice when I glanced over at him, wanting to know if I had crossed a line with him. Feeling my gaze, he met my eyes with his once more, a light smile tugging at his lips, “so, if you aren’t down here for her, why come here for me?” he asked, questioning my reasoning with furrowed eyebrows. I knew that his confusion stemmed from my previous statements that I wouldn’t come back to Midgard unless her life was in danger or that the safety of the entire planet was on the line.

“I told Heimdall to keep an eye on certain people at all times-her, the other Avengers, and you,” I noted, feeling the disbelief within him when I mentioned him. The man never saw himself as worthy of anything, especially love or concern, “I assigned him the task of watching over you all, and he would fill me in on any changes as they presented themselves. He promised to alert me if any of your lives were in danger, and when he disclosed to me that you were in danger, I came right away,” I explained.

“So, you didn’t live up to your word,” he stated, nonchalantly, the hint of an entertained smirk forming on his lips. He was amused that he was right, as he had argued with me furiously when I promised not to come back. He told me that it was selfish and abhorrent to leave so many people who cared about me so much, and he also told me that I wouldn’t be able to stay away for long, not with the “heart of gold” he claimed I had. I didn’t believe it, though. How could I believe I was “good” or “worthy” when the favor I asked of him was so selfish, when I was poisoning everyone around me, when I was repeating the same injustice that was done to me when I wasn’t even old enough to comprehend it.

I sighed, “I couldn’t live up to my word, not with this. You were right, though, Tony. It was ignorant of me to think that I could stay away, especially from you,” I noted, glancing up at him to see that he tried to hide the color that rose to his cheeks the moment I paid him a compliment.

He cleared his throat, obviously not comfortable calling attention to the effect my words had on him in that moment. It wasn’t my intention to cause him discomfort, but perhaps I just had a tendency to do so. I could vividly remember my words of praise having the same effect on Loki, Thor, Hjalmar, Ephinea, and every Midgardian I came in contact with, including the ever stoic Natasha Romanoff. Tony glanced up at me, his brown eyes sparkling as if the galaxy resided within them, “well, I’m glad you’re here. I don’t like having to admit I need help, but it wouldn’t hurt to have an Asgardian in my corner for this one,” he noted, a slight grin tugging at his lips.

“We’re going to fix this together. You won’t face this alone, Tony; you never face anything alone,” I reminded him, knowing that he had a tendency to believe himself to be isolated, but as long as I was alive, there would never come a day he would be alone. I would be his guardian, regardless of the amount of times he tried to talk me out of risking my life for his. I had come to understand that we-as living beings-wish to preserve things that we deem better than ourselves, and Tony Stark was far better than I was.

The silence fell between us once more, and I found myself enjoying the soft crunch of snow beneath our feet. However, the sensation of the falling snowflakes left my cheeks wet and bitter cold. There was nothing quite like the sensation of his warmth invading my own, though. He drew closer and closer to me until there was little space between us, and he pushed the robe back just enough to slip his hand out from under it and grasp mine. As soon as our skin touched, I felt the uncertainty and the fear within him. He was terrified of the future, and my presence-somehow-gave him the support he so desperately needed in that trying time. His sudden firm, yet gentle, grasp of my hand made me realize the impact I could have on the life of a man who meant so much to me, and I could only hope I didn’t ruin it again.

For the remainder of our journey, I continued to carry the suit with one arm while the fingers of my opposite hand intertwined perfectly with those of the brilliant man beside me, “what has it been like?” he asked, vaguely, causing my eyebrows to furrow. I could feel what he wanted to ask me, but I was too afraid to answer him, so I resorted to confusion, “it’s been a while since we’ve seen each other, and I don’t have a watcher like you do. The last time you left, I was...worried, and I haven’t seen you since. I just want to know what has gone on in your life,” he explained, his heart of gold shining through once more, as if I could possibly forget how tender he always was with me.

My heart broke as I thought of all that had happened since we’d last seen each other. No matter how terrible I felt at our last encounter, I felt impossibly worse in the aftermath of it. It was as if I tore the remainder of my heart out when we last saw each other and left it on Midgard. While it was broken and abused, I was lost without it, and with the loss of my brother and the struggles I had recently with Loki, I realized just how turbulent my life had been since I’d seen him. The last time we spoke, I was doing my best to fix the damaged pieces of myself and of my relationship with Loki. Knowing he was still alive renewed my drive to rescue him from the dark recesses of his own mind, a darkness that hadn’t been there from the beginning. Since that time, I had no opportunities to better myself or help Loki or keep the people I loved most safe. I sighed, “well…” I breathed out, not knowing how to explain everything to him. He had asked many questions when we “first” met, so he knew about Hjalmar and my past. The only thing he didn’t know about was my history with Loki.

My heart began racing in anticipation for having to open up about the complete and utter failure my life had been from the moment I left him on the rooftop in tears; however, as soon as I opened my mouth to speak, I was saved by a small and flickering light. The energy I felt was untamed, and I was caught off guard by the sudden pull to that place in particular. I pulled my hand away from his and pointed at the dim light, “look!” I exclaimed, urging Tony to take notice of our shelter for the night. I was more than grateful to have been saved from needing to talk about Hjalmar and Loki, knowing that I wouldn’t have been able to lie to Tony, not without him seeing right through me. I would’ve had no choice but to be honest with him about what I had gone through since our last encounter.

As we drew closer to the small shack, we saw it was adjacent to an equally small house that looked to be in need of some manual labor. After passing through one last clump of trees, we came to the clearing only to see the small town spread out only a short distance from the shack. I felt the vibrations becoming stronger and stronger within my body as we drew closer to our shelter for the night, and I glanced over at Tony’s face to see a look of pure relief. I knew that he had some doubts that we would manage to find our way to civilization, especially after his bad luck leading up to that point. Peeking in through the window of the house, he concluded that no one was home, but I couldn’t understand why my senses were so wrong. I could feel a powerful pull to this place, and if no one was there, it would be meaningless.

Once we broke into the shack-an easy feat when Tony had a crowbar-I stepped inside the air that was just a touch warmer than the outside and placed the suit down on the floor. As I stood back up, a pulse of fire radiated from the wound on my abdomen, causing my body to seize. Before Tony could notice, I forced myself to stand back up and push the pain as far away as possible. When I stood back up, I took in the sight of Tony sitting on a stool next to a workbench, barely lit by the light of a small lamp. He gazed around the dimly lit room, all while I gazed at him, and the vibrations became more and more powerful, almost like when I first met her.

“Freeze!” I heard the small but strong voice coming from the doorway Tony and I had just come through. Suddenly, the vibration stopped, and I felt the serenity wash over me. The boy was small and looked frail with golden hair that melted into strands of brown and green eyes, “don’t move,” he ordered, pointing the contraption in his hands at Tony.

I glanced over at my companion and noticed that he had his hands raised as a sign of surrender, and I wondered if my help was necessary against such a small opponent. Tony sighed, “You got me. Nice potato gun,” he complimented the young boy.

The small child looked up at me, and I couldn’t help but smile down at him, easing his nerves slightly. If I had been able to touch him, I could’ve calmed his nerves with a bit of focus, but I knew better than to reach out to a scared child. I wanted to help him, not traumatize him, and the situation we were in was traumatizing enough. He looked afraid as he gripped his “potato gun” that he would use for protection against us-the intruders; however, the moment I smiled at him, I watched as his fingers loosened on the barrel and trigger, and his lips curled up the slightest bit, “who are you?”

I knelt down to the floor, getting down onto his level and showing him that I wasn’t a threat. His breathing became slow and steady as he looked me over a few times, taking in the differences between myself and other people he had come into contact with, “my name is Eva, and you are?” I asked.

“Harley,” he answered politely, his green eyes flickering between mine, “why are you dressed like that?” he asked, lowering his makeshift weapon and gesturing at my armor.

I smiled at his innocent question, and I knew there was no way around it. I didn’t have to tell him I was an Asgardian, but I couldn’t lie to him either. I knew that the vibrations I had been feeling were because of the life force of the child in front of me, “where I’m from, this is what we wear to protect ourselves in battle, so when I leave home, I wear something similar to protect myself from other worthy opponents I may meet along the way,” I said, explaining it to him as thoroughly as possible without telling him outright where I was from.

His eyes continued to scan my body until they caught sight of the hilt of the sword over my shoulder, at which point I saw his eyes widen, “you’re the Mother Goddess!” he exclaimed, causing my eyebrows to furrow in confusion. I had never heard that name before, and I wondered if he had me confused with someone else. I glanced over at Tony who just gave me a simple nod of his head, letting me know that Harley was being completely honest, but I had no idea where that name came from. I wasn’t a goddess by any means of the word, so I didn’t know why I would be called that. Seeing my confusion, Harley spoke again, “you fought in New York, right?” he asked

I nodded my head, “I did,” I answered, my voice soft as I recalled some of the worst moments of my life thus far.

“And you’re one of the heroes from that day?” he asked, sweetness in his small voice.

I shook my head, “no, not a hero. I just-”

Tony’s voice from the workbench cut me off, causing both Harley and myself to switch our focus over to him, “yes, a hero,” he corrected me, his eyes connecting with Harley’s, “she nearly gave her life to protect Earth, and the name Earth gave her was fitting,” he said, his eyes flickering over to me, “you have a bit of a reputation here on Earth ever since New York. I was going to explain it to you tonight before we ran into anyone who recognized you, but I wasn’t anticipating any visitors,” he explained, shrugging his shoulders.

“Neither was I,” Harley interjected before glancing back over at me, “the people here gave you that name. We didn’t know who you were, so we just started calling you the Mother Goddess. Some people just call you Mother.”

“Where did it come from?” I asked, wondering why people chose that nickname over all others that may have crossed their minds.

Tony interjected again, and my eyes met his, “because you loved this world so much that you were willing to sacrifice yourself for every living being on it. You were the mother to the population of the world that day, loving every person so unconditionally and so instantaneously. The love the people had for you pulled the population of the Earth together. You saved so many people in New York, even after you had nearly died. You sifted through the rubble to rescue the survivors of buildings that had collapsed, and you stood against the danger to protect us all. You were a mother to the world, and the people here will never forget that,” he explained before the room around me began spinning.

I tried to focus my eyes on him but failed, the feeling being similar to the one I experienced when I was stabbed by Loki in New York. The wound on my abdomen began pulsing, and the pain made me want to scream, but still, I wouldn’t worry Tony with my problems, not when I was on Midgard to assist him with his own. As Harley spoke directly to Tony, my ears began ringing. It felt like that was it, like this was the end. As my chest began to tighten, I hurried out of the shack, mumbling something I couldn’t even hear to Tony. I hoped it was coherent enough to let him know that I just needed some air. If I was going to die, I wanted to do so alone to keep from hurting those who cared about me, and Tony was one of those people. He didn’t deserve to watch me die, not when he had been one of the few people who made me want to live.

Using all the strength I had, I stumbled out of the shack and out into the woods once more before falling to my knees. My body couldn’t hold itself upright as the pain flashed through my body over and over again, as if the wound itself was trying to light my very soul on fire. I fell to the forest floor, grunting in pain through gritted teeth. My eyes squeezed shut as I tried to will away the pain, desperately pulling as much air into my lungs as possible, wanting to taste the sweetness of life before the pain took me completely. The wound grew warmer and warmer, my skin feeling as if it was decaying around it. Nothing could have prepared me for the pain-nothing.

“Take them...please,” I heard a familiar voice in the distance, and just as quickly as the pain and panic arrived, it disappeared completely. When I opened my eyes, I gazed upon the scene in front of me. I was in the throne room on Asgard. For a moment, I wondered what was happening. Was I dead? Was I dreaming? I gazed out at the scene before me. Odin was seated on the throne, younger than he was when I knew him, but still beyond his prime. Frigga stood beside his throne, graceful as always. My father-Aaldir-stood on the other side of Odin as one of the Allfather’s most trusted advisors. Father looked much younger without a single grey hair upon his head. Before them stood a woman with her back turned to me. Black hair fell in wild waves across her back, and I sensed a familiarity in her even though I couldn’t see her face. It felt as if I knew her, like I could feel her very presence in my soul even in the vision. She sniffled, and my mind twisted as I remembered the dream I had, running through the the field.

“Why should I do anything you ask of me?” Odin barked out, using his one good eye to glare at the woman before him. I watched as Frigga winced at the harshness in his tone-something she often did when I confronted him about Loki.

The mystery woman’s body shook, and I sensed her fear, “I have nowhere else to take them. You are my last hope,” she cried, and I felt my heart twisting in pain for the poor woman. A soft cry confirmed what I had been thinking, what I hoped had not been true. A child. She was asking for him to take in her children, and I had a feeling I knew who it was, but I was too terrified to even say her name. She was the mistress of the night, the collector of life, the absence of light. I didn’t know why I was having these visions or if they were anything for me to think about further.

“Do you know what you’re asking of me?” Odin hissed, causing my body to seize. While I knew this was only in my mind, it was becoming harder and harder every moment not to lose myself. I stood up from the ground and walked toward the throne. My footsteps were so soft against the hard floor, they made no sound in the throne room.

“To help two defenseless children,” the woman answered, strength in her soft voice. Every word she spoke made a wave of serenity wash over me. I was not afraid, nor did I tremble like I usually did when Thor would tell me the tales about the mysterious entity, “do not think I’m asking this favor for myself; I am asking this for their sake. They will only know pain and suffering should they stay with me-they will only know fear.”

Odin stood from his throne but didn’t step down the stairs to be on level ground with her. I frowned as he spoke, “you come to Asgard, burden my throne room with your filth, and ask me to take the children of a demon like you. You ask me to humiliate my home and my people, to tarnish my name-”

She cut him off, her voice just as powerful as before. She was not a weak-willed woman, and I could tell that just from hearing her speak. Looking at it from the outside, it reminded me of how I spoke to Odin a few times in the past, especially when he refused to show Loki any mercy. While I felt her heart filling with sorrow and a diminishing hope, she didn’t falter as she fought on behalf of the children in her arms, “I ask you to protect children who belong here. A child is not responsible for the mistakes of their parent. They should not be held accountable for either of our decisions,” she explained as I continued to close the space between us, desperately wanting to see her face to confirm her identity.

Odin grumbled, his beard failing to conceal his frown of disdain. As he turned his back on the woman and sat back down on the golden throne, he let out a deep breath, “if you are so eager to pass them off into my care, you should know that I will treat them with little dignity. The offspring of Death and a serpent could never be trusted, let alone welcomed, in my home,” he hissed, his voice low and powerful. My eyes widened as he confirmed her identity. I heard the familiar sharpness in his tone, but he had no problem cutting her down-a mother only wishing to save her children, “leave them there on the floor, and I will have my guards take them to the dungeons where they will spend the rest of their lives.”

Just as Death began crying once more, burying her face into the cloth that swaddled her infant children, Frigga stepped forward, glaring at her husband, “you will do no such thing!” she admonished him, her voice piercing through the room as she stepped down to the floor Death stood upon, drawing nearer and nearer to to heartbroken intruder. Odin could do nothing but sit in a stunned silence as Frigga showed mercy to the same woman he had just been so cruel to, “bring them to me,” Frigga instructed her in a calm voice.

Death obeyed the commands of the queen, walking slowly over to her, and I waited with baited breath as she whispered words of love into the ear of the first child before placing him or her gently into the open arms of Frigga, the woman I would come to know as my mother. She was the closest I had to one growing up, and I couldn’t imagine my life without her. The first child was indistinguishable, beautiful but strong with piercing green eyes like the colors of spring all in one. Then, Death held up the second child, a girl with eyes more brilliant than emeralds, a green that matched the colors of spring. Her eyes were without imperfections. No other colors dared to taint the purity of that green. It was the same baby from the first vision I had of Death, but that time, I had the cold feeling I knew who it was.

My heart pounded in my chest as the entity of Death raised the child to her face, nuzzling her cheek against the smooth skin of the baby. I heard sniffles coming from Death, a woman I always believed was too cold to feel any emotion at all. She was the keeper of the dead, the bringer of the end-everything I was against. While I understood that death was a part of life, that all things would someday be reborn, she represented the absence of life itself. However, in that moment, seeing her cradling the small child so lovingly, I realized that I had been wrong, that every living being was capable of some form of emotion. Her cries broke my heart, as did it break the heart of the child in her arms, and I watched as the baby cried,

“Goodbye, Eva,” Death whispered, and my breaking heart stopped. My breath hitched in my throat as my greatest fear was just confirmed. It hadn’t been my own delusion that caused me to see the reflection of the child’s eyes in my own, the color mirroring that of mine. It wasn’t my mind playing cruel tricks on me when the heart of the child broke the same way mine did. Was it real, though? Was the vision just a part of the madness that arose due to the wound that left me feverish and disoriented? Was she...where I belonged? I couldn’t bring myself to think of such a thing. I valued life above all else, so it was impossible for Death to be...mine. She spoke again before my mind could fall further into the delirium, “I love you. You are the most beautiful thing I have ever given. Loving you was my greatest weakness, and leaving you is my greatest failure,” she whispered, her voice low and soothing as she rubbed the back of the small child.

“Leaving her here to protect her is the best thing you can do as a mother. Go. I will see to it that your children are cared for,” Frigga promised as she took the infant into her arms, cradling both of them the same way Death had been. Aaldir stepped down from the side of the throne and took the little girl...me. He cradled her close and closed the space between himself and the cosmic entity each one of us would meet at some point. Reaching out to her, he caressed her cheek, and just as he always did with me, he wiped her tears away with the pad of his thumb.

As I drew closer to her, standing directly behind her, I wished to wrap her in my arms. Even if this was all a hallucination with no meaning, her pain threatened to tear my very soul apart. As I felt the tears rising to my eyes, her soft voice began singing that familiar melody, the one I could remember all throughout my childhood but didn’t know where it came from, “I wish to stop time and stare at the stars, for just one more moment with you. Now stars shine brightest wherever you are, and they will shine on me no more,” she sang before turning around. Black eyes met mine, and black tears continued to stream down her cheeks. Her hand came up to caress my cheek, cold fingers wiping away the tears from my eyes. Just as I leaned into her touch, desperate for that connection, I found myself back in the woods.

Alone again.

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ibelieveinahappilyeverafter · 6 years

Text

Danny Phantom Drabble - It Took Me By Surprise

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Title: It Took Me By Surprise

Rating: T

Warnings: Mentions of death, murder, and blood

Inspired By: artistically-gay.tumblr.com/post/180906397891/it-took-me-by-surprise-the-hatred-in-his-eyes-i

Summary: Ghostwriter knows of his past well and he knows how good he and his brother were together. He thinks that it's long since been time for them to go back to that.

“We should wait.” The words were almost drowned out with how quietly they were said, Andrew’s fingers slipping against cool gray steel and pulling out a few droplets of what was now his blood - ectoplasm. Ectoplasm was the name of it, now. He paid it no mind and instead let his neutral gaze slip into a glare. “We still don’t know how many-”

“We’ve had worse odds,” Andrew snapped, sitting up more so he could see over the edge of the shattered rocks they were planted on, a lair just in their sight. “He’s right there. I can kill him myself.” This was his first mission in such a long time, after all, and he wanted to make it count.

“Andrew.” There was no White Fang tonight, just an unsure and unsteady Randy who looked like he wanted nothing more than to return to Andrew’s own lair and forget this whole night. Andrew felt his irritation grow. Randy never could realize the good they were doing, in the old days, and now it seemed he still didn’t understand. “It’s dangerous.”

“Stop being so hesitant.” Standing up, Andrew readjusted his hold on one of his throwing knives, feeling the ectoplasm at the tip of his fingers gather even more as he ran them along the edge. “I’ll kill him with or without your help.” Their target was a ghost, after all. This had only been borrowed time and nothing more.

Randy was silent and still beside him, uncertain look on his face finally fading into something blank and calm as he stood up as well. Two guns, both black and sleek as a piece of the sky, were clasped loosely in his hands. “As you wish.” The words were said softly, but not whispered. Andrew grinned.

“Good evening, White Fang.” Now this was going to be fun. It had been such a long time since the Priest had been able to play with his White Fang, after all. “Death never could take you forever.”

There was no word of defense or protest in any manner, Randy clasping his guns more tightly before launching forward, Andrew taking a moment to admire him before following after. There was no care for the long years that had taken place between now and then. There was only a mission, a target, and his blood slick against his knives.

“Stop leaving me out of things!” Andrew’s words were shrieked and torn out of him like glass from a wound, the words bouncing off the walls of his lair as he glared at Randy with everything in him. “You always do this! You always run away!”

“I’ve done nothing but try to keep you safe!” Randy snapped back, face etched into a snarl as he stalked forward, pointing at Andrew. “You’re the one who wants to run away from the truth of things!”

“Me- Me?! I’m not the one who made us run away from home! I’m not the one who ran away from me that day on the docks! I’m not the one who ran away when we tried to find each other!” Andrew didn’t bother trying to quiet himself, only screaming louder and louder as he felt tears start to cloud over his vision.

“Andy…” Randy looked like he was being hit with too many emotions at once, Andrew not able to muster up any of the guilt or pity that he would usually feel. Let Randy feel like this. It was what he deserved for trying to abandon him again. “I’m not- I’m not trying to run away from you.”

“Then what are you doing, Randy?” Andrew let the tears fall, knowing that the path they burned down his skin would be felt even worse by the man in front of him. “If not from me, then what are you trying to run away from?”

“I…” Randy still couldn’t find the words, and Andrew still couldn’t find the way to make him talk. No matter what button he seemed to press on Randy to trigger something, none of them ever let him in. “Forget it. I’ll stay here.”

“I don’t want you to leave,” Andrew said quietly, knowing he was flushed from crying and feeling how his voice wanted to break and crack. “Is that so wrong?”

“No. I guess not. I’ll stay, Andy.” There. Nothing to worry about. Randy just needed to remember that they were supposed to be in this together.

It wasn’t hard to make the small changes he wanted - all without Randy really noticing. They may have been ghosts, but it wasn’t too difficult to grow out his hair into a nice, short ponytail. It earned him a few odd looks when Randy first saw it, but he didn’t question it, in the end.

After that, it was easy. Black started replacing the gray in his wardrobe before it began replacing the purple, as well. It was so much nicer to look down and see himself wearing black instead of that dismal gray he had fooled himself into liking.

Soon he began wearing his knife pouch again, the pouch firmly strapped to his leg and in just the perfect reach of being able to grab a knife out of it. If he started carrying the knives again, too, well… Randy never said anything.

Then he started humming that song that had been hidden for so long and even that fell on deaf ears. Oh, Andrew certainly saw the looks he was given, but Randy never did anything to stop him, and Andrew had never brought it up.

“Andrew?” He tried, occasionally, but never for long. “Are you, uh… Did your coat get damaged or anything? The purple one? I could fix it up for you, if you want.”

“I just thought I could use some change,” Andrew smiled, the smile soon dropping. “Do you not like it?”

“It’s just… familiar, is all.” The comment had Andrew fighting to hide a smirk. Poor White Fang had been chained away for far too long, this time. Andrew needed to start pulling him out. He must have gotten lost in his thoughts, because Randy took his silence as an end to the conversation. “Nevermind. I guess it’s just my imagination.”

“I know what you’re thinking,” Andrew muttered, letting the tears come to his eyes – tears that he knew were acidic. “Do you really think I would go back to that so easily?” Randy had never responded to his tears, but White Fang always answered.

“No- Andy, that’s not what- Of course not.” Randy struggled through the words, but Andrew could see the flash of White Fang curled up in his eyes. Andrew wanted him back. He was so sick of this charade of pretending they were normal.

“Don’t bother. I know what you think of me.” Andrew walked off, giving Randy something to think about as he soon went back to humming. He had no doubt it wouldn’t be long now.

It wasn’t supposed to be like this, though. When it happened, it wasn’t supposed to be like this. It was supposed to be the Priest and White Fang standing together, claws ready to strike and fangs ready to tear. They were supposed to be a team. They were meant to be a team.

It wasn’t supposed to end with Andrew pinned to the ground and a hand around his throat cutting off any hope of air. If he were human, Andrew had little doubt that he would already be dead. “You stupid child.” There was no Randy on top of him. There was only a ferocious White Fang with nothing except hatred in his eyes.

Andrew couldn’t drag in the breath he needed to form words, forced to do nothing but stare up at White Fang as he pressed him down into the ground, blood (or was it ectoplasm?) covering them both. White Fang had been many things, but he had never been angry. This was anger. This was anger.

“We could have been happy. We were surviving. Why would you take us back.” The words were hissed in French, a language that had once meant warmth and comfort and now only filled Andrew’s stomach with cold dread. “You stupid, stupid child.”

It took longer than he wanted, but it wasn’t just anger in White Fang’s eyes. It was White Fang’s anger, but it was Randy’s fear. Did… he really not want to return to how they used to be? He had never complained in the past. Did Andrew really push him so far that he hadn’t even been able to say no?

There was hatred in White Fang’s eyes and fear in Randy’s. Andrew couldn’t breathe and there was ectoplasm (blood) covering them with old weapons just in reach. Andrew could only stare as he took it all in, utterly surprised, because, well. White Fang’s hatred he could have handled, but Randy’s fear of him?

The hand around his throat loosened, White Fang gone and Randy left looking at him with shaking shoulders. “We could have been happy, Andy.”

Well… If Andrew was reduced to nothing but the murderer, then at least he had a liar standing beside him.

#danny phantom #ghostwriter #randy riter #fbale #my writing

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kim-hart · 6 years

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having @clementinemillay come visit me for the first time is the best thing thats ever happened to me

i was across the country for the last 7 weeks. it wasnt my idea and it was something i just sort of went along with, and all in all i wasnt happy with family who were all years and years older than me and ignorant despite meaning well. the redeeming thing, the thing i was looking forward to the most, was taty coming to see me. it was just 1 week out of those 7 weeks but it easily made all of it worth it, even if having this experience now means that it hurts that much more to be away from her. knowing what touching her and kissing her and sleeping next to her feels like makes not having those things hurt that much more.

i remember when we were on our way to pick her up from the airport. im good at compartmentalizing—i didnt think about what was about to happen until we were actually IN the airport, until i was sitting down and it felt like just a minute was taking forever. in my mind, i knew it could all go wrong. ive never been comfortable with the way i look, im WILDLY socially inept, and i worried about how underwhelming i would be for her and whether she would regret coming. my mom and my aunt were with me.

we had been dating for years. we had fought and made up loads of times. meeting her then felt like something that could ruin everything, like if this first impression didnt go exactly the way i wanted it to and i didnt sweep her off her feet, she would stop wanting to be with me.

only this wasnt my first impression. seeing me didnt ruin any feelings.

seeing her smile for the first time when she saw me is something ill never forget, or the way she hugged me or the way i dragged her away to find her luggage to get away from my family so i could process her being there, in front of me, without worrying about being judged or made fun of for showing positive feeling. for showing how much i love someone. i was nervous and she knew it but she didnt push. i stumbled over my words, i had a hard time looking her in the eye, and affection made me freeze up. i wasnt used to it. i was so starved for it that i didnt know what to do but she was patient.

so she bumped me. and she kept bumping me. and she smiled at me and held my hand and waited while i realized that it was okay to show how happy i was that she was there. that it was okay to be genuine. not everything needed an extra layer of sarcasm with her. things were real. i trusted her, so much so that when my social anxiety got the best of me and i wheeled her suitcase over a guy's foot that wouldnt move, i laughed about it with her.

on the way home, my heart wouldnt stop pounding. she put her hat on me. she held my hand and mouthed i love you to me whenever she could. i couldnt even look at her half the time because i would start smiling and i didnt want to see a cringe (a cringe that never happened and never would happen) when i smiled. when we got back to the house, i brought her upstairs to the room we were going to share.

she kissed me and i didnt freeze up. i had never been happier. i never wanted to leave that room.

we eventually did so everyone else could meet her, and then inevitably get dragged away by my mom to do whatever she wanted to do, namely hang out with a friend (and multiple other people that none of us knew would be there). despite needing rest, taty went along with it. i regret not saying no then. i would have taken any time i could get just relaxing with her.

the entire time i was across the country, i was still working. i had always thought that working with her around would be too distracting, that when we do ultimately live together, i would get the most done when shes not around. while she was a distraction in the sense that i couldnt stop looking at her, she was an easy distraction. the kind where shes so beautiful, i cant stop myself from looking over at her every 10 minutes before i get back to work. it turned out to be more of a distraction when she wasnt there. there wasnt content silence anymore then. it was just me again.

one thing about me—i hate eating and making food with other people around. i didnt even think twice when it came to eating food and making food for the both of us. i loved sharing hashbrowns with her. i loved pretending to gag when she would eat something i wouldnt like. i loved turning my head away because i had just eaten chicken and she was going in to kiss me. i loved her kissing me despite that. i loved the fact that she liked my favourite gum enough to take a piece whenever i had one. i loved that she liked my favourite juice. i love sharing a can of pepsi with her.

falling asleep with her was an incredible experience. the way things were before, it was me falling asleep hours and hours after her. my body and my mind both hate being asleep so i fight it as long as i can, like not staying up when everyone is asleep and i can finally have alone time is wasting valuable time. with her laying in bed next to me, there wasnt a single night i didnt fall asleep first. i was always holding her (except one night where i fell asleep before i could, but i made sure she knew to wake me up next time). she says it was a comfort to her but it was a comfort to me too—holding onto someone who was mine, feeling the love of my life breathe... even waking up with a mouthful of her hair when i wasnt waking up to a faceful of her elbow. i couldnt dream of being anywhere else. i still cant. laying my head on her chest while she watched something was just as comforting. listening to someone's heart has always sounded so, so cheesy to me but its just as incredible as people say it is. the best part is when it beats faster, then even faster after you point it out.

the only thing better than falling asleep with taty was waking up to her. it was always me waking up first, not just because it was me falling asleep first but because my body is usually pretty good about keeping up a schedule when theres other people around expecting you to be up. the hardest thing to do was peel myself away from her. the first couple of mornings, i let her sleep. she needed the rest and i needed to work. after that though, i got greedy—i wanted to make sure she knew i loved her, that i wasnt just leaving her by herself in bed because i wanted to. i wanted to see that smile and hear that voice and ultimately get sidetracked for a good half an hour at least before i could pull myself away. i wanted more than anything to be by her side the whole time, even if i knew it wouldnt be long before she joined me at the table.

i loved the way she looked out for me. i loved looking out for her. i loved getting to know every single part of her. i loved making her laugh and making her relax and i cant imagine doing that with anyone else but her for the rest of my life. shes my best friend and my world. every happy moment i had in that week with her is whats hitting me hard right now. im back in my home, all the way on the other side of the continent from her, and all i can think about is having her wrapped up in my arms again. she left her sweater for me and it smells like her, and its the most comforting thing i have... but the fact that thats going to go away, that its just gonna smell like me after a while puts a damper on it.

no matter how i feel right now, it was all worth it. the point im trying to make is that a week was by far not enough time.

no amount of time is ever enough when it comes to her.

ive never met someone more supportive, more kind, more compassionate, and more understanding than her. ive never relaxed so quickly and so easily with someone before. ive never had someone shatter every idea i had that no one would want me, that no one would get it, that no one would want any sort of affection from me.

ive never been more confident in something/someone before in my life. ive never so genuinely wanted to spend time with someone before. its unreal how her presence never pressured me into doing anything, that i was at ease doing what i wanted to do instead of doing what i thought someone else wanted me to do.

there isnt much of a point to this besides trying to put into words how much i love and appreciate my girlfriend and the feelings she can bring out in me. ill actually be moving across the country in a few months, so thats one step closer to being closer to her.

#taty tag #this is the most disgusting thing ive ever done

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i-dont-want-to-be-listened-to · 4 years

Text

It's been months and I stopped posting, ultimately bottling things up inside

I got a job but I'm scared. I haven't been employed in over a year and it's after a few days, after the first time I get sick, that I give up and quit. I'm scared for that first sick day. After a sickday I feel so nervous like people are going to judge me the day I came back for calling out and being sick especially with my chronic illnesses. I'm scared to get fired if I have a sickness episode that lasts up to a week so I quit before it can happen. I don't wanna do that again. It's stupid but I'm just so anxious.

A few months ago after my last post my grandma died. She had been falling constantly during the last few weeks. She couldn't feel her left side I had to help her up and around constantly. She was in pain. The night she died I had my friend over who was also an ex caregiver. We helped her and she was calling for me all night every 5-30 minutes I'd sit there with her for 10 as she looked around she was in a haze and didn't know what she wanted. My grandpa was kicking himself cause he couldn't help her due to his own age and pain. I'm really glad I stayed her during that time. Grandpa would have sat there for hours and pushed himself instead of calling for help. He's just that stubborn. I stayed up all night even after others had gone to sleep. I only went to lay down when grandpa woke up. We had a lot of talks that night. She wanted me to stay because they needed the help, she was so tired she just wanted to rest she was jealous everyone else could fall asleep but she couldnt. All that. I didn't fall asleep when I payed down.i just payed there waiting for her to call. After a few hours I got up to grandpa pushing her in her chair to try and get her to bed. I then helped get her to bed instead. I payed her down tuucked her in and said goodnight I love you. She said it back and after an hour I finally fell asleep. Another few hours later I'm woken up by grandpa. He's on 911 and looks frantic so I get up immediately as he tells me he needs help.

I go in. There's her lunch and roses from grandpa sitting on the night stand. She's laying there, her dentures are out, she's not breathing. Grandpa hands the phone and tells me to do for. Now I go to do what I'm told. But as I put my hands on her I just feel how cold she is. It was like the touch was draining the heat from me. Now I'm sitting here realizing she's already far gone there was no coming back as a lady on the phone screams directions at me. I start gently following her directions so grandpa doesn't freak out. I didn't have the heart to tell him since he was trying so hard. I just couldn't. Finally the first police officer comes in. The girl on the phone finally hangs up as he takes over. It was too much so I just went and held the door open for the police and parametics. Though in the moment I just imagined my grandma's ghost yelling 'leave me alone I'm tired let me rest' as them as they tried to bring her back. Eventually they have grandpa waiting in the hall. Our neighbor comes over to help comfort and explain the process to us since he heard the call on his radio. At this point my fiance and friend have moved me to the kitchen. I'm a mess thinking I should have done more, convinced her to get medical attention last night. Something as my friend and fiance hug me while I sob. I had to lock my service dog in her cage after my dog spent all night helping me take care of her. When they finally stopped trying after an hour they had someone come pick up her body. She looked peaceful when I first touched her but as I said my last goodbyes I could barely look cause after all that there was blood on her face. My dog was trying everything to hlget out of the cage as they rolled her out. Once the door was closed the dog went straight to the spot grandma died and played. After that the dog only sat in the spot that grandma used to sit in. Since then whenever people leave the house she freaks out when they come back after more than a week. Acting happy that they came back and we're there. My family came over the day after and just started taking and claiming her stuff. Pissed me off so much. After the initial breakdown I couldn't get myself to cry and they hugged me crying, all of them, saying I can't imagine what you sent through having to take care her thank you, but then the few weeks after started telling grandpa kick me out in a month I'm the worst I just abuse and take advantage of his kindness and all that. They didn't actually care and how they acted and talked about me showed it. My mom came back into my life and tried to control it but when I said no disowned me and my bio dad told me that I need to apologize for how I've handled things,(I got distant and closed off and I don't message him or visit cause they guilt trip alit and I can't handle that right now and that is the way I grew up to survive. It's the only way I know how to handle things. I mean he wasn't there I didn't even meet him till after I was 19.) So idk if I'll actually continue to associate with him cause a lot of the factors aren't my fault.

I don't need the family who can't empathize and care. If they want someone they can bend to their will it's not gonna be me.

Ontop of all this the crazy bitch and my old group who have been destroying my reputation with rumors as much as they can in all my areas of interest were suing me 3 times. We only have one more case to go to but I'm just so tired. They kept saying my fiance that was protecting me was dangerous and I was posting about them ect with no proof so I gathered 700 screenshots of proof including some videos as well but despite the cases being dismissed, she still is going around the communities surrounding 2 of my biggest hobbies talking shit and getting people to hate me block me and spread rumors without getting my side. It's tiring and I even made new accounts due to the bullshit.

My grandpa gave me until my birthday to get out but my fiance hasn't gotten a job, 2 roommates bailed and the other roommate quit her less than part time job cause it was too hard to get there. I'm the only one making money and we have less than a month and I just started. Grandpa said if we need longer he can extend it as long as everyone here is working. I'm trying to get to that point.

It's all really fucking hard. I just hate myself at this point. The things that bring me joy I'm scared to post because of the rumors, outside of my hobbies my friends left again band I'm down to a small handful who actually care enough to talk to me. I keep thinking back to loosing my best friend cause he told my family about my engagement a month or 2 before the official announcement we wanted and he said I'm too much drama and he's not willing to deal with me anymore

That hit hard. He was only of the last people I expected to hear that from. It makes me wonder how many people close to me actually feel that way but continue to tell me I'm great.

Even my internet friends left. In one night they went from 'your a godess' 'i have a crush on you' 'your baby's to 'your the worse you use everybody for your ego ' 'you never cared about us' all cause I told one to shut when they said maybe my fiance just wanted time away from me and didn't want to tell me.

I've just given up this year, people who want to leave me can leave at this point, I just want friends who actually want to be in my life and care about me. I know I'm a shit person but at least I'm trying to work on it. I just need someone to tell me everything wrong with me. Just go off full honest opinion no holding back. So I can take it and better myself. Not that crap of there's nothing wrong with you. Just tell me I'm a bitch like your all probably thinking..

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shhh-no-ones-home · 5 years

Text

religious disbelief josh balz x reader

+++++++++ The end is a little darker than I meant it to be 😬

this is my first time ever writing for balz so if it sucks im sorry. also its broken into parts, the beginning is the beginning of the school year and the other two parts are after graduation.

im making a balz one with a similar concept and completely different outcome so if this one was bad or hard to read that one will be much more light hearted I promise.

Song: the reaper by as it is

tag list: @thisplace-ishaunted @ryansitkowskiswifey @alilpunkrock @theoneandonlykymberlee @svintsandghosts @cynic-spirit +++++++++

i walked down the sidewalk shoulder to shoulder with my best friend. josh and i had known each other for what felt like forever, only recently had it turned into something more than a friendship though. i laughed at what he had said to me.

"i told you once, ill tell you a thousand times. the day i decide to get on that two wheeled death machine is the day i decided you can take me away from this town."

i hated his motorcycle just as much as i hated the thought of moving away. i was kind of scared of both to be honest. everything i knew was here, especially him and i didnt want that to change. he nudged my arm with his.

"im telling you, youd be perfectly safe riding with me. but if your stakes are getting you out of this town i will gladly find every excuse."

i shook my head at him.

"you know i dont want to leave."

he sent me a look.

"come on y/n you cant really want to stay here all your life do you? i mean, whats holding you back, your parents? me? hell ill be gone in a year anyways."

i frowned at him.

"and you would just leave without me? given that we're still together at that point that is."

he looked a little offended.

"you planning on leaving me by graduation in the spring?"

i laughed with him.

"of course not silly, im just thinking ahead. if you leave, what am i gonna do? we all know itll take an act of god to get me outta here. even if i did decide to leave on my own my parents would never let me."

he smirked at me.

"true about the parents, but maybe we need an act from something a little darker than God."

he winked at me and i shook my head at him as we walked up the stairs to my house.

"yeah keep saying that and you wont be able to come over anymore. ever since my parents found out you listen to metal music theyve added you to the prayer list at our church."

we both laughed a little at that. he took my hand in his.

"oh come on, when are you gonna stop going? we both know you hate organized religion, and you listen to metal too."

i giggled a little bit.

"just imagine if my parents knew about my tattoo."

i said quietly. he hugged me to him and kissed me gently.

"i think theyd burn it off you, your dad would at least."

he smiled down at me, pushing my hair away from my face as the wind blew it around. i raised my brows.

"wouldnt that be something."

he kissed me again. then there was a knock on the living room window that made me jump. i turned around to see me mom knelt on the couch watching us. josh waved at her condescendingly, making me laugh.

"dont provoke her."

i turned back to him and he kissed my forehead.

"ill see you later. we've gotta work on that science project after all."

he winked at me as he turned and walked down the steps to my house. when he was almost to the sidewalk he turned around and walked backwards, waving goodbye to me.

"i love you."

he called to me and i smiled widely at him.

"i love you too!"

i watched him for a second before opening my front door and greeting my mom with a smile.

"how was work?"

i asked as i made my way to the stairs.

"work was fine, just tired, i wanted to wait for you to get home before i went to bed though. its nice being able to see you everyday now, not just on weekends."

i held onto the stair rail as i turned to her.

"well im glad i get to see you everyday now too, even if it is just for a little bit. ill probably start dinner about five thirty before dad gets home."

she nodded.

"okay sweetie."

°°°°°°°°°

i stood in front of my mirror and nervously shook my hands out. graduation was finally over and we had gone back to the house for me to change before the school led lock-in for the graduates. i wasnt nervous about the lock-in though, i was worried about my parents realizing that josh would be there too. they barely liked him at the beginning of the school year and as much time as we spent together since my parents were getting more and more infuriated with him. it also didnt help that he liked to take them to the edge on almost everything, arguing and getting on their nerves as much as he possibly could. i was shaken from my thoughts when my mom knocked on my bedroom door.

"you ready baby? you dont wanna be late."

i nodded and picked my bag up off the floor.

"yep, we can go."

i looked in my bag one last time to make sure i had everything, phone, playing cards, medication, water bottle, the likeness. when we hit the bottom of the stairs my dad looked up at me over the newspaper he was reading in the low light of our living room.

"where did you get that shirt?"

he asked and i looked down at it. shit. i had gotten it from josh.

"uh, a friend."

he raised a brow at me.

"have i met this friend? surely not i suppose if they are giving you clothing with satanic symbols on it."

he looked over at my mom who was now wearing a frown too.

"do you have time to change?"

he asked and i looked down at the time on my phone.

"no daddy, im already late."

i said in my best pouty voice. normally that worked, he couldnt resist the charms of his little girl. i watched him fold the newspaper up and set it on the couch next to him.

"fine but when we pick you up in the morning its going in the trash."

i walked to him and kissed him on the cheek.

"okay daddy."

i followed my mom to the door and out to the car. when we were buckled in she took off towards school. i looked down at my phone and opened a message to josh.

"what are you wearing?"

i hit send, a second later he texted me back.

"am i supposed to say nothing?"

i tried to suppress a laugh and just shook my head.

"no dork, im wearing one of your shirts and i need to change into something less 'metal'"

i hit send again and waited. then i got a new message.

"sorry babe, i dont think thats gonna happen."

then i got the picture of him in another shirt with the same band on it. i breathed deeply and sent him back an 'okay.' when i looked up we were already pulling into the schools parking lot.

"when are we supposed to be getting you again?"

my mom asked as i stood out of the car. i leaned down and looked at her.

"uh dont worry about it mom, its super early so im just gonna have someone else bring me home."

i looked across the car, through her window at joshs motorcycle. damn him. i turned my attention back to her.

"okay baby, well ill see you tomorrow then."

"thanks mom."

i said, closing the door and walking into the school. as i walked up to the table to get my bag checked i noticed josh standing in the back next to one of the vending machines. A second later my phone buzzed. it was a text from him asking where i was. i smiled to myself, thanking the counselor for giving my bag back and walked quickly to him.

"im right here."

i said making him jump and clutch at his chest.

"jesus y/n you scared the shit out of me!"

i laughed and took his hand in mine, kissing his cheek.

"i think thats a small price to pay for bringing your motorcycle."

he blushed and gave me his best sorry face.

"i forgot?"

he said trying to play it off. i just shook my head at him.

"its whatever, ill grill you tomorrow when we leave."

he smiled at me.

"okay."

i squeezed his hand in mine.

"come on, i wanna see what all they had planned, i heard there was supposed to be a magician."

he laughed as me as i dragged him down the hall towards the gym.

"sure babe."

°°°°°°°°°

i held onto josh tightly as he pulled up in front of my house. i knew my parents would probably be awake already, dad at least getting ready for work. the sound of the motorcycle wouldnt be any help though. i stood up off of it and took my helmet off, swinging my hair out. josh took his off too.

"you want me to wait a minute before leaving?"

i looked back at my house, the sun barely peaking over our fence, it was still so early. I looked back at him.

"i was gonna say no, but maybe."

he nodded.

"text me when its safe to leave."

he winked at me and i kissed him gently.

"thanks for bringing me home."

i pushed my helmet into his hands and walked up to my front door, pushing it open. i was surprised it wasnt locked. i looked around for a second, seeing no one and ascending the stairs. when i moved to go to my room i heard my parents door creak.

"shirt."

my dad demanded. i turned to look at him and sent him a nervous smile.

"daddy can i at least change first? i just walked in the door."

he looked kinda mad. i knew i shouldnt have let josh bring me home on the bike. he held his hand out.

"shirt."

i frowned at him.

"okay just give me a second."

i stepped into my room and went to close the door but he pushed it back open.

"give me that damn shirt before i have to rip it off of you."

"cant i change by myself?"

he went to grab for it but i pushed him away.

"you got it from that no good josh kid didnt you? thats the friend. You know how we feel about him."

he said sternly.

"daddy hes my boyfriend."

he tried to grab at me again, holding the shirt firmly by the collar.

"i told you to stop seeing him. hes no good for you, especially if hes pushing you further and further away from god."

he moved his other hand up to tear the shirt but i held his hands in place.

"what is so wrong with that?!"

i shouted, eyes closing tightly. he paused for a second and i only opened my eyes back up when he let me go.

"how dare you say that in this house! if you are going to live under my roof you are going to love and respect the lord that built it."

"the lord didnt build shit! and maybe i dont wanna stay in this house anymore!"

he was fuming now.

"fine! you wanna go to hell? then you can fuck your boyfriend right to the gates of it, tell the devil kiss my ass while youre at it!"

he shouted at me, turning on his heel and storming out of my room. i breathed heavily for a second before looking outside. josh was still sat on his motorcycle out front, looking between his phone and the house. then i got an idea. i grabbed a bag from under my bed and started shoving shit in it, anything i could find. my favorite shirts, socks, undergarments, pants, money, anything id need. when it was full i slung it over my head, shoved my phone charger into my purse/bag that i still had on from the lock-in and stormed out of my room too. when i hit the end of the stairs i was met with my father sat on the couch, angrily putting on his work boots.

"where do you think youre going?"

he said a little snarky. i gripped my bag tightly.

"if you dont want a non believer living under your roof then ill find somewhere else to live."

i walked quickly to the door and just as i opened it he grabbed me by the hair, pulling me back.

"or maybe you just need an attitude adjustment."

he pulled me back and i reached out.

"let go of me!"

i practically yelled. i could hear him breathing heavily.

"you will learn to love and respect the lord as well as the family he has put before us. if you wont do it willingly, then ill make you."

"is that really a good idea?"

i heard josh say and i looked over at him standing in the doorway. my dad pushed me away from him.

"look at what youve done! youve corrupted my little girl! she's a satanist because of you!"

i ran to josh and he held me tightly to his side, he looked down at me as tears fell from my eyes.

"sir, in all due respect she has never once praised the devil. i would know, im the only one she hangs out with when shes not at home."

my dad looked beyond mad.

"if anything id say you pushing the lord down her throat her whole life has made her denounce your religion. so maybe you should be looking at yourself, not me."

my dad started after us and i pushed josh out the door, slamming it behind me. it swung open as we ran down the sidewalk to joshs bike.

"get back here you little shit!"

Josh jumped on first, starting it up and handing me my helmet.

"drive!"

i shouted as my dad got closer. next thing i new we were booking it down the street. i just held myself tightly to josh, resting my head on his back as tears fell heavily from my eyes. when we were a few streets over he stopped. i sat up and took my helmet off.

"you okay?"

he asked, holding his own helmet against him and looked at me very concerned. i sniffled and wiped my face.

"i am now. but i wanna get as far away from here as possible."

he looked between my eyes.

"are you sure?"

i nodded quickly.

"please josh, just take me somewhere safe. somewhere i dont have to deal with this anymore. wherever its just me and you."

he kissed me gently, pulling away and resting his forehead against mine.

"ill take you wherever you wanna go."

i pulled away and nodded at him.

"I love you josh."

I leaned forward and hugged him to me, feeling him kiss the top of my head.

"I promise I'll keep you safe."

#wattpad #x reader #miw #josh blaz #balz #imagines #one shots #unedited #178

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haectemporasunt · 7 years

Text

wiratomkinder Shall do!

You have any good dreams lately? haectemporasunt hmm well the desperate gray clown monster this morning

was i telling you about the curse one?

i d have mentioned a play wiratomkinder That wasnt a dream that was an omen wiratomkinder And no u did not! haectemporasunt heheh haectemporasunt well! at this stage i m not sure i ll remember quite as much but

speaking of stephen king and joe hill and my crush on the girl from the ring

one of the things i ve always been into is the idea of kids banding together to defeat a supernatural evil and then later, (usually as teens), they have to go back and deal with it once and for all wiratomkinder Ooooooo haectemporasunt yeah it sounds cool but is kind of embarrassing bc you Know i m self inserting myself as one of those kids

snort ok anyway, this

dream followed that same sort of typical line haectemporasunt there was a play being performed at school and i had some bad presentiment about it, there was something i couldnt remember and i didnt want it performed, but since i cldnt articulate my fears couldnt convince the school to stop the play, nor cld i convince my younger brother not to star in it wiratomkinder Aughh that sounds stress inducing haectemporasunt so i m fiddling w my car and it s raining heavily and i m outside the auditorium, and the radio starts emitting static, and i stop fiddling w the light.... and i can distantly hear one of the play's (it was a musical i guess?) songs starting

and i Remembered haectemporasunt In my dream i just clenched up bc i remembered Her the Bad Thing and i remebered --and the memories were dizzying and made me feel ill, like waves of sickness that hit you inescapably and you know youre gonna vomit but there s no bathroom near wiratomkinder Hooooogh thats strong haectemporasunt when i was in school and my friends and i put on a play, and --i couldnt remember it all, but i rmemebered my friends and i in red coats [apparently doing the play but not in the auditorium, somewhere underground and filled with tree roots], standing around a big hole in stony ground, and stairs leading down , curving around the side into darkness, and i remember holding sheets of musical notes and old books, and i remember us saying things, and something going wrong

and whatever our goal was w our play, we must have gotten it, but we also got Her haectemporasunt you wld think she d have crawled up out of the dark but now

no*

i dont remember how she appeared but it wasnt from below, she was a symptom, not the source wiratomkinder Hooooly shit haectemporasunt and all of this is flashing in my head like how in my head i imagine epilepsy is like, and i m still in my car clutching at the air and whimpering but i m overcome with fear bc i m remembering and it s terrifying bc it means something happened to make me forget

and that s when i realize, firstly, that my friends, the others that performed the play with me in the underground room, most of them were no longer around and i didnt remember why or how but no one else remembered them either, there was just me and one other friend, and we didnt talk anymore,

and secondlly, i realized that it was almost pitch dark in my car even tho it was light outside the window, and the darkness was centered behind me wiratomkinder Jeeeeeeeeez haectemporasunt and you know that slow turn that ppl do in horror movies? and they see the Thing grinning at them? and then they die?

this is the cool part of my dream--or it was cool for me anyway bc , again, i m a sucker for these tropes

bc i imagined that happening, and i could feel Her behind me and i cld hear her teeth

but ... i had dealt with this before even tho i cldnt remember the details, and i knew looking behind me wld be Death

worse than death haectemporasunt bc death ends wiratomkinder hyoley shit haectemporasunt but i d dealt with her so i knew first , she would talk to me. because of our intense history [fuck you max and your fetish for killer undead women], she wld want to play w me a little, so i had an opening where she wldnt kill me outright wiratomkinder GGHFGHFFHH haectemporasunt so i was pretending i was still remembering , and i was slowly moving my hand towards the door handle haectemporasunt and i felt her hair brush against my ear and she whispered "i missed you, max. you have to look at me now"

and i grabbed the door handle and slammed against the car door to get out...but it was locked. wiratomkinder YEEEESH haectemporasunt so,

i have enough time to think, Shit haectemporasunt and then her arms are around my neck and she is twisting me so i will look at her back behind me in the back seat

her hands make me ache

(btw wtf was happening to me that i was feeling this? i can only think it was the tinge of a body part going numb, or i was sleeping on my neck wrong)

but in my hands i now had the , whatchamacallit, the program for jake's play,

and i kept getting flashes of what i wld look like from the outside as i died, but i Knew now that bc the program had words from the play on it, i cld use that paper as a barrier , albeit small , against her

but i had to look at her to hold the paper up against her wiratomkinder hyooooof like fighting a medusa riding a basilisk haectemporasunt hehehe

so i turn around and i m trying to look only at the paper as i shove it hard against her bedraggled ripped up chest as she s scratching at me, but in the corner of my eye i can see her face and it is.... nightmarish

ha, literally wiratomkinder OH NOO haectemporasunt she is grinnig impossibly wide--and her head is so big, it s bigger than her body or that's how it feels--like, it s normal sized, but ,,,,, it feels really close up against you even when she s separated from you by a chair...it s hard to describe but you can feel something is immense and monstrous inside and 'beyond' her

she s bigger than this corpse she s using wiratomkinder Yess like a weird perception thing

Your field of vision zooms tf in haectemporasunt i m nost sure how to describe her face in a way that actuall y evokes the terror

especially when, ha, you cld summarize her homicidal glee as 'Dead and Loving It'

but her face was smashed

like porcelain wiratomkinder Yee gotcha gotcha wiratomkinder Oof haectemporasunt black cracks, red meat, and her eyes were really horrible and big, and her mouth was too wide, inhumanly wide, and cracked too haectemporasunt and she was very happy and furious to see me

we apparently had unfinished business that involved me being brutally broken

and then worst than killed

ha sorry i m taking too long wiratomkinder No ur good!

I wanna know whats up with ms. Corpse bride over here haectemporasunt i pushed the paper aginst her and she was trying to throttle me and she was laughing in this quiet whispery way that was...super creepy bc it was like immense passion whistling out of cracks haectemporasunt and w my free hand i m scrabbling at the door lock, and finally it comes freen but now the paper is basically being sandwiched btw me and Her, we re pressed against each other and that sbad bc she s making me hallucinate that i m already dead and broken , like, i can see that my neck got broken when the car's tires somehow rolled over my neck haectemporasunt (i guess that was a power of hers, remembering deaths and then they become real?)

but the door gets free and i tumble backwards out of the car and slam it shut!!!!! wiratomkinder FREEDOM!!!! haectemporasunt yeah!!! haectemporasunt god it felt so good, id outwitted ( """"outwitted"""") her once again, and she cldnt leave the car for some reason--in waking hours i think, maybe bc it was still daylight even tho rain? or bc it was open sky? but in the dream i just Knew she cldnt follow me . i was safe until i went back indoors

which i wld have to do in order to enter the auditorium and stop the play haectemporasunt but i was remembering this wasnt the first time i d outwitted her! i cld remember dank school corridors and a blue tiled pool and other situations where i d managed to evade her,e ven as she crawled into other people and burst them apart from the inside

knowledge...with knowledge you cld survive against her, but there was something you needed to forget too, and i was starting to remember that too haectemporasunt in fact i cld remember the last time, the time the third to last of our friend group died, and friend (the one i didnt speak to anymore) and i had agreed that we needed to forget wiratomkinder Hyoooooooogh wiratomkinder Tactical amnesia haectemporasunt it was camping, we were desperate and trying to escape the play's consequences (which went beyond Her bc she was a mere symptom rmemeber) , we d made a sacrifice, done a ritual, and we were trying to isolate ourselves, and i remember watching my friend die in that campsite, i cant remember what happened now, i think their tent collapsed, and then something was in the collapsed tent with them, and we cld just see their squirming body and hear this ... sink disposal unit sound

and i nearly died in my tent with Her on top of me, squeezing my throat and slamming me rhythmically with one of the tomes we d used in the play ritual, just smashing me in the face and her horrible smile

and the remaining friend had intervened, and she dug her fingernail under my eye and then she was gone

and that was when we decided we had to forget wiratomkinder Holy shit haectemporasunt sadly that was getting near the end

i remember the auditorium being very red and i remember my brother and his friends looking up as i approached

i remember the terrible importance of what i d chosen to forget

and i dont know what She was except she was partly a Force ie a force of (super)nature and that she d also once been a girl with feelings and perhaps love in her heart haectemporasunt but sadly i cant really remember anything else

just me and my papers trying to convince others not to commit the same mistakes i did i guess? wiratomkinder Holy shit

Thats really somethin!!! haectemporasunt i m kinda sad bc if i were to copy paste this for tumblr to enjoy someone s gonna be like Lol gravity falls forgetting plot

or something wiratomkinder Awww naw i dunno haectemporasunt but i really liked it! and not just bc i felt important and knowledgable wiratomkinder Dreams is dreams they happen as they happen

And hell yeah! That was an adventure!

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thehalfworld · 7 years

Text

Fanfic MST: Forbiden Fruit: The Tempation of Edward Cullen, a Twilight fanfic [part 3]

I have to warn you all that this chapter has a rape scene in it. It’s completely ridiculous, and I really don’t know if that makes it better or worse. Proceed with caution.

Recap: Edward gave into tempation and tried putting the moves on Tiaa. She went along with it at first, but then pushed him away because they were in public and Edward already has a girlfriend. Edward seems to think Tiaa is a vampire, even though she doesn’t appear to be and his thinking she is doesn’t really make sense.

Chapter 1 Previous chapter

AN - hi guys hope u like this one im quite proud of it!

That’s a bit worrying.

thanx for the suport from my frends love u girls!glad u like it! oh an VINCENT ur so dumb of course tiaa didnt go to math in only her bra shes not a total ditz!

Hey, you never said she put her shirt back on! Actually, you also described Edward ripping it off her, and we know it’s made out of fishnet, so… I kinda doubt she still has a shirt left to put back on.

one more time...DONT READ IF U DNT LIKE IT!

I can’t imagine not liking this story. I’m being serious. It’s a masterwork. It’s right up there with “My Immortal” in my eyes.

NO frickin flames what is the POINT of flamin ppl there is NO POINT so f off!

I think the point is to annoy the author. Which appears to be working.

Capter 3 – uncle larry

Wow! Really looking forward to the capter!

I sa t alone watching tv at dave and maries house. I couldnt stop thinking about my encounter with Ewdard Cullen earlier that day. He was so beuatifull and sexoy with such amazing hair and eyes I could hardly believe he had notice someone like me!

Just me or is she a tad fixated on his hair?

Also… Tiaa isn’t the sort of girl who blends in, and she knows it. She’s aware that she’s pretty and she’s used to getting attention — both positive and negative — because of her looks. She’s also loud (she yelled at Edward when he bumped into her), and she dresses in a manner that… well, let’s just say most small-town high school students don’t dress like Tiaa. This girl isn’t ordinary and she’s well aware of it. Why the false modesty?

But I was angry at how he had made me feel, how I'd burnt like crimson hot flame wean he touched me and how he'd not listened to me when id' told him to fring off, and how he dared to touch me at all when he had a GF anyways, even if she was a mean girl with an ugly heart and not that hawt.

Not only has she not met Bella yet, she hasn’t heard anyone talk about Bella either, so I don’t know how she came to the “she’s a mean girl with an ugly heart” conclusion.

But nomatter how much I try to hate him, I simply couldn't. Suddenly the phone range

"hello "

"hey, is that altantiana?"

"yah who is this?" I aksed.

"its Mike nooton from your class!

She hasn’t met Mike yet either, unless that happened in the deleted scenes or something. I guess, if he called her house phone, that he could have got Dave and Marie’s number out of the school directory… but this seems a little weird if they’ve literally never met.

I was wondering if your wanted to go to La Plush with me too morrow night maybe?

To clarify, he is talking about a beach. He means La Push. Stuffed animals are probably not involved.

Theres a party on the beech with whole crowd of us going and I thought you seemed relay nice so I thought maybe youd want to me my date please? -

I can maybe buy that a high school boy is desperate enough to ask a random pretty girl to a party with him in the hopes that maybe it’ll kindle some sort of romance, but this is a really bad way to go about it. Asking out a girl you’ve never met is… not the best plan. Why not just frame it as inviting her along because she’s a new student and it would be a good opportunity for her to hang out and make friends? You don’t have to be explicit about your crush before you’ve even had a conversation with her.

Also I think Mike is already dating Bella’s friend Jessica, but fuck her, I guess.

"arent you the guy who hangs out with all the pathetic chearleaders and stuff?" I asked

"you mean bella and jessica's gang?

I’m gonna wait a bit to talk about how weird it is that Bella is hanging with a “gang” of cheerleaders, but like… why does Tiaa know Mike hangs out with them? Again, this is their first conversation, and (as far as we know) the first time she’s even heard of him.

Sometimes I guess but theyr'e way shallow and not as hot as you.

He’s maybe undermining his own point there.

And they can be mean sometimes.-"

So… like anyone, then?

"then why do hang out white them then you shallow CREEP!and why are you askin me out when you harely no me mike! Cos u think im' hot? Why cant you see your just as shallow if you want to date someone just cost of what they look like - I'm not THAT pretty anyways!

Oh, Tiaa, you and I were on the same page until you pulled the fake modesty card. Besides, isn’t this a bit of an overreaction? He asked you to hang out with him at the beach, it’s not like he’s proposing marriage or anything.

And even if i was, I'm SO screwed up in the bran you cant even imagine! u would no want to date me if you new how screwed up I was!"

What exactly does she mean by “screwed up in the brain bran”? Like, are we talking legitimate mental illness, or is this just teenage angsting? And, in either case, what exactly is her problem that makes her undateable? This is about the vaguest possible rejection, and I don’t know if she’s implying something is actually wrong with her or that she’s just Not Like Other Girls.

"I would, tia, beleive me I would! Your so beautiful you cant even imagine. Your so pretty people lose there minds when your around and forget there names and forget to brethe!

That’s your only reason? She’s pretty? Weren’t you saying something about cheerleaders being shallow a minute or two ago?

How can't you have noticed that?

Decent point, actually. If your character is dropping jaws and turning heads with her beauty, either she’s aware she’s beautiful or there’s a reason she doesn’t realize. Like… maybe Tiaa thinks the people staring at her are doing so because of how she dresses, not because they think she’s pretty. Tiaa has actually seemed pretty aware of her effect on others throughout, though, so unless she’s just playing modest around Mike for some reason this scene doesn’t make any sense.

And I don't CARE how screwed up you are! It only maked you more interesting!

He’s not even gonna ask for clarification on that?

Your cool and different and you are honest about stuff! you are right to be angry with me. I'm sorry for benign shallow and dumb just give me a chance to show you how much I care, please? "

The argument he’s making would probably be way more convincing if this wasn’t, you know, their first conversation ever.

"well...ok maybe ill go along if I dont have anything else to do" i said, not believing a word he said about how pretty i was.

Oh, come on.

"thank you altantiana thank you so much!" he sounded so happy I couldnt help but smile as I put the phone down but my smile faded as I return to my thoughts. Mike Nooton was kinda cute and seemed like an ok guy but he was nothing next to Ewdard Cullen.

Yeah, I guess when compared to the weird dude who tried to fuck you in a locker room and threw a shirt at your head Mike really isn’t worth a second thought.

Even though I was anger with edward than I have ever been with anyone in my life and part of me wanted to chop his head off with a sore, a part of my soul would all ways remain in that coridoor where we had kissed so hard and passionably.

My mistake, they were in a hallway, not a locker room. Not sure if that’s better or worse, but, depending on how busy that hallway normally is, it’s probably worse.

I creamed myself.

Didn’t need to know that.

My heart had soared that day like never before, and i new that no one else would ever make me feel like that again, then I thought how he was a cheater and a bastard and my face burnt with shame. I couldn't beleive I had behaved like such a hore.

I mean… she didn’t, really. She went along with his advances up to a point, and it doesn’t really show good judgement on her part, but he was the one acting like a “hore” in this situation. Putting the moves on a random girl in a public space when you’ve already got a girlfriend? Keep it classy, dude.

I was scared of the affect he had on me.

Effect. “Affect” is a verb. Nice sentence otherwise.

(Okay, if you’re a grammar pedant, “affect” isn’t always a verb… it can also be a noun, when we’re talking in a psychology context, which Tiaa isn’t.)

"bye tiaa! We'll be back on Thursday ok?" mari put her head rind the door suddenly

"Ok then, have fun" I wispered clammily..dave and marie where visiting relatives for a few day.

Convenient. Two less characters for the author to have to deal with.

Wait, no, oh my god, I just remembered what happens in this chapter.

"you look so pretty" she says, smiling -your the prettiest gril i've ever seen!”

I… okay, that’s some natural dialogue.

"omg whatever" I reply. I hated it wen people say that.

Come on, girl, it’s just a compliment! Not like she’s hitting on you! At least I hope not.

I pulled my blond hair over my face. I was wearin a short hot pink dress cut low with black lace frills at the bottom and black lace stocking.

I kind of like that Tiaa is a goth girl who likes bright pink. There are plenty of real-life goth girls like that, but you pretty much never see them in fanfiction.

"daves brother larry will be looking after you wile where gone you'll be ok when where gone wont you tiaa? I hate to leaven you alone like this!"

You know “leaven” is what you do to bread to make it rise, right?

"i don't need a freakin babysiter u no!" i was so embarasing, I could look after myself!

Freudian slip? I mean, she is pretty embarrassing.

Marie smiles and leaves the house.

Marie doesn’t give a fuck, it seems.

"greeting a;latnaniana my names uncle larry" said uncle larry, he came in threw the door he was fat and bald with tiny black eyes and a red face

You know he’s a bad guy because he’s ugly. That’s how it works!

"Hey - i said

"your the orphan arent you" he says "is it true you kiled your mother when she gave birth to you?”

Nice to meet you too, Uncle Larry.

"Wat!" I cry, my eyes filling with tears

"your an evil bich arent u? Go outsite and wash my car" he shouts angerly

I’ve just thought of a fun game. There are five more chapters left. Let’s all place bets on which chapter Uncle Larry will get horribly murdered in.

I stood up and left to wash his car. I got soap and a bucket, afraid of what he would do if I refuzed. I went outside and started to wash hush car it was a red porche. He came outside and wached me and I new he was waching me!

I know the implication is he’s watching her in a pervy way, but if I was making someone wash my car and I didn’t particularly like them I’d keep an eye on them too.

After a minite he came over and hit me hard across the face

"wft!" i shouted

What Fuck The?

He poored the bucket of water all over me and hit me again,. I was wet and crying and he started to rip my dress and bra of me and rip my clothes. He touched my naked breats and I try to push him off me I screamed at him to stop but he did'nt. He bent me over the bonet of his car and spanked me on the ass for half an hour then he pulled my panties down and started to rape me!

I really don’t want to be laughing at a rape scene, because rape is one of those things that’s just inherently unfunny, but… this is testing me. I mean, an entire half hour of spanking? The dramatic announcement that he began raping her after he forcibly stripped her naked and spanked her for thirty minutes, as if this is a surprise? The fact that all of this is happening in plain view of any neighbors Dave and Marie might have? Good lord. I truly do not know how to react.

I also have to wonder why Tiaa makes little attempt to fight back here. It’s pretty reasonable to freeze up when you’re violently attacked, but Tiaa has proven that she’s both capable and willing to fight off anyone she perceives as a threat (kung fu babie!) previously in the story. Is Uncle Larry too physically powerful for her to win against? We don’t really know how big he is compared to her, and Tiaa has been described as strong and fast previously. Both of them are unarmed, and, if there are neighbors, the noise should alert someone to what’s going on (Tiaa has been shouting/screaming throughout). Why is he getting away with all this? Oh, right, plot reasons.

"stop raping me!" I cry but he didnt stop!

Shocker.

The pain was terrible even tough his manhood was small.

Didn’t need to know about his dick, thanks!

I cryed and cryed but he didnt stop for hours and when he finally stopped he left me on the floor and spat in my face and left me there.

Wait… hours? This guy has impressive stamina.

I pulled on my clothes and cryed madly and ran off into the seething darkness of the midnight street. I ran and ran un till I came to some woods and then I fell down in the woods and cryed.

“Seething darkness of the midnight street” is a pretty good phrase, actually. I mean, super cheesy and doesn’t really mean anything, but if this was lyrics some alt-rock band wrote I’d accept it.

Suddenly a blast of white light exploded in head and my mark on my hand burned like a flame. I closed my eyes and saw the face of a tall white man looking over me with no expression, his eyes were burning red and his face glimmered cold and bright as the moon,.

It was… VLODEMONT AND DA DETH DEALERS!

I fell back from the brightness of his body, his hair was dark as night,.

It was… VOLSEMORT IN A WIG AND DA DEATH DEELRS!

"atlantiana?" he whisperd in a voice softer than clouds -my daughter?-

Well, we all saw that one coming a mile off.

"omg" I whisperd as my mind went blank and the world went dark.

I hope she whispered the acronym instead of saying “oh my god.” Her dad will be totally confused! Old people don’t know how acronyms work!

Next chapter

#forbidenfruit.mst #fandom:twilight #halfworld.mst

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