#and is another example of how fucked capitalism is

[wowitsverycool]

legitimately if you think copyright law in any way benefits individual artists over corporations you are. not a fool because that would be very mean to say about someone that's just trying to live in the hellworld nightmare fuckshow that is capitalism. but you are solely mistaken imo

[open-sketchbook]

i'm super high so forgive the rambling but

as somebody who grew up catholic and read the bible a bunch because it was words in a book and that's what i did in school, a thing thats fucking insane about christianity is how, like, the foundational text of christianity and christanity-the-institution are basically completely the opposite of one another

original observation i know but this isn't me like, doing a new thing, its reeling over an old well-worn thing because its just so insane

like fundamentally the pitch of christianity, as presented in stories about jesus, is "god made himself into a guy, but not just a guy, a poor working man in roman-occupied judea. this guy went around telling everyone how god is on the side of the poor, the oppressed, and the downtrodden, and against the rich, the occupier, and the authority. to be kind to each other, help each other, even the ones you're supposed to hate, and take solace in the face the day is coming when those in power get what's coming to them."

but then the romans decided christianity was theirs now, and i dont think we like... understand how fucking weird that is. its like if the president of the united states one day got up and declared that actually, its Soviet America now. nothing is changing materially, capital still rules america, but the flags are all red and there's hammers and sickles on everything and people call each other comrade

because that's exactly what it is, right? none of the stuff in the jesus parts of the bible are really, like, conducive to the state religion of a giant conquering slave empire, especially not the part where the romans killed the dude. so like, basically every single thing about christainity is this bizarre smoke and mirrors game with theological wordplay to get around that. the institutions of the church exist to undermine the core stuff that's written in their foundational document through a game of theological telephone.

and again like, i keep coming back to the soviet america example idea thing. because that's exactly what it is, right? imagine its like, a thousand years from now, and in some liberal government culturally descendent from the united states you got an election and the two candidates get up and cite the parts of Capital where Karl Marx is like "alright i'll hand it to the capitalists they sure built a lot of machine tools" to show their devotion to communism, which of course teaches that capitalists should own the means of production

its exactly that! they literally took a religion built around a dude who really fucking hated the roman occupation and talked endlessly about giving to others and sharing with others and helping those unlike yourself and made it into the religion of rome, of taking and keeping and hurting those unlike yourself.

its so fucking wild man (again; i am so goddamn high. to be clear, this isn't a defense of christianity or of issues with jesus as portrayed, like im not saying that actually we should be Original Jesusers, i fully agree that christanity has antisemetism at its core, its more just musing on how wild it is this happened)

[quinnkdev]

so. its looking like the german translation of paper mario: ttyd is continuing to erase the existence of trans people in the world of the game.

(terribly written article, good ol' sebastian ruppert has no idea how to talk about trans people, but im linking it as my source)

this is another grim reminder of the importance of a non-exclusively america-centric worldview.

here in the german-speaking world, several counties both in germany and in austria (jury's out for switzerland, i dont know anyone from there), trans-topics remain extremely controversial and are often used as fodder for right-wing extremists to implement oppressive legislation.

language, as always, is a major focal point to these people. many politicians and ideologues (even ones supposedly on the political left) here weather against language-centric concepts such as "gendering" (i.e. using more gender-neutral avenues of referring to groups of people or individuals), and in a few counties in austria and germany (bavaria in germany and lower austria in austria, for example), its actually fucking outlawed now.

i have faced a lot of discrimination even in the more nominally progressive capital city of austria. an austrian cab-driver once asked me if i was "one of those american tr*nnies". people here believe that it is the united states that "import" lgbtq+ topics to us, but really, the main thing imported from the united states and their political landscape is the "anti-woke" rhetoric of the right.

i will still celebrate; this character (vivian) means the world to me, and so does this game. but never once forget that every win, ANY win, is hard-fought, and that there is more work to be done in places other than the anglosphere.

[kookyburrowing]

Different Languages AU Part 1: Wait, Fuck, They Don't Speak Basic?

First things first motherfuckers, let’s get one thing straight: Basic as a language does exist in this AU!  It’s just less common outside of the Core/Mid Rim.  SO.  What does that give us?  Well, it gives us way more interesting conflict, for one thing, and for another, so many languages.  Let’s get crackalackin! 

In the Outer Rim, Huttese is largely The Language To Speak.  If you don’t speak Huttese, you might as well just hurl yourself into the nearest bottomless pit now and save yourself the time and trouble.  Even in the Core and Mid Rim, Huttese is a very common language just because of how useful it is if you ever find yourself in the Outer Rim.  Most bounty hunters (i.e. Jango Fett, just for one completely random example) speak Huttese fluently, alongside their native languages.  Naturally, then, this is a language Anakin is very familiar with.  In fact, when he became a Jedi, it was the language he knew the best, and most people thought his speech was stilted in Basic because of this.  He spoke Basic maybe once every month on Tatooine—can you blame him?  

In the Mid Rim, each planet has their own language and conversations between diplomats are typically done as they are on Earth—via interpreters, to avoid any misunderstandings.  Padmé, for instance, does speak Basic, but that is the language she would use in the Senate, not on Naboo.  The same goes for Palpatine, but we’ll get to him in a minute, because he sucks and I want to not talk about him for as long as I feasibly can.  

The Core means Basic, Basic, Basic, because of just the sheer number of people making it necessary.  Coruscant is a weird case because of how communities develop there.  Since it’s kind of like a gigantic version of a modern city (I’ll use NYC as an example because I know it the best), it’s broken up into enclaves.  Cultures clump—it’s a thing.  Some neighborhoods in NYC are predominantly Jewish, some are predominantly Italian, the list goes on.  The same goes for Coruscant, although on a supersized scale.  There’s some areas where non-Mandalorians need not apply, some where everyone is a Twi’lek or Togruta, some where everyone is a Mirialan, et cetera.  Also, Coruscant dialects of certain languages are very much a thing.

Anyway.  Let’s talk Kamino, because that’s why I started this to begin with!  

Jango Fett is a Mandalorian.  He’s also a bounty hunter.  He’s from Concord Dawn and was a True Mandalorian.  Therefore we can guess he probably at the bare minimum speaks two dialects of Mando’a (Concord Dawn, True Mandalorian) Huttese, and has at least passing Basic.  He probably speaks more than that given how well-traveled he is, but those are the ones I can name for sure.  So Jango Fett, who speaks Mando’a and Huttese and Basic, encounters Count Dooku.  Count Dooku is from Serenno, but he was also a Jedi, so he probably speaks Serennese, Basic, Huttese, and a few more.  He may even speak Mando’a, but his dialects wouldn’t be likely to overlap with Jango’s.  Count Dooku tells Jango to go to Kamino and let them clone him in exchange for an exorbitant amount of money.  Jango does, because Jango is a thinking human being and thinking human beings under capitalism do not turn down exorbitant amounts of money in exchange for what amounts to (at most) being a three or four-time sperm donor.  

And on Kamino, our intrepid Mandalorian encounters something a bit weird.  The Kaminoans, being that they are an extremely isolated species and thus have absolutely no reason to have developed humanoid vocal chords, have to rely on droid translators.  Cool!  This means Jango can speak to them exclusively in his native language (Concord Dawn Mando’a), and they can speka to him exclusively in theirs, and everyone’s largely happy.  Jango negotiates the finer points of the contract, acquires an infant who he names Boba, and calls up some old friends (and acquaintances) to teach the clones to kick ass.  He informs them they don’t have to worry about speaking Basic, so they don’t bother speaking Basic.  

Thus, we have our setup.  The Kaminoans have no reason to make the clones speak Basic because literally none of these outsiders are bothering to inform that oh yeah there’s this whole common language thing going on, and said outsiders have no reason whatsoever to tell them because it would ultimately just be an inconvenience.  They’ve got a good thing going, and Jedi are required to speak more than one language anyway.  The clones can definitely find at least one in common!

So the clones learn to speak Mando’a, understand Kaminoan, and speak and/or understand one extra elective language.  Most pick something weird because they can—everyone around them speaks either Mando’a or Kaminoan so why would they bother with languages they don’t care about, like Basic?  Unfortunately for the Kaminoans and the trainers in equal measure, they do also realize that in order to express themselves in private they need their own universal language, so they acquire one.  They just call it clonespeak to keep things simple, and for most of them, that’s their native language.  They feel most comfortable speaking in it because that’s the language they associate with safety and with their siblings/parents.  

Thus: the predicament.  

Obi-Wan arrives on Kamino.  Obi-Wan is a Jedi.  Obi-Wan speaks Basic. 

Uh-oh.  See, Jango is out of practice—the Kaminoans can’t make those noises.  Boba’s language skills begin and end with Mando’a and some random bits of clonespeak right now—he’s kind of conversational with Huttese but every once in a while he just throws in a Mando’a word or an idiom in clonespeak and Jango has to take a minute to breathe lest he slam his head straight through the wall in frustration because he doesn’t understand clonespeak.  And so much performing of charades, many awkward moments, and exactly one sentence in Basic later, Obi-Wan is heading back to Coruscant with several questions. 

First: why the fuck did Sifo-Dyas order an army who didn’t speak Basic?  No one knows.  No one can find any records of this order, for one thing.  No one knows who Tyrannus is, for another.  

And second: what languages do the clones speak?  Obviously, Mando’a is amongst them, but Jango’s extremely intensely staring son also spoke another, infinitely weird language and no one can find any record of it, and not even Jango seemed to understand him.  Do they understand the Kaminoans’ clicking noises?  Are they just mute?  Is it constantly Shut The Fuck Up Friday up in there?  What is going on?  

The Council loses their collective minds.  Shaak Ti is about ready to haul ass across the galaxy to collect these poor, lost young men—Plo Koon is right there with her.  Yoda is—well, Yoda is swearing loudly in several dead languages right now.  Mace Windu, ever the voice of reason, just has one thing to say: how about they meet the clones, first.  Before they panic.

In the face of this intense, all-consuming, glorious sensibility, the Council collectively shuts the fuck up.  They decide to let things run their course.  

And then Geonosis.  Quickly, Yoda collects several hundred clones, manages to communicate to one of them—who speaks a really weird, ancient, and fucked up dialect of Basic that could basically scan to Elizabethan English, and whose name is probably Kowalski—what he needs, and that one tells an older, larger and more intimidating one.  Then that one yells a lot in a language Yoda has never heard before, and several hundred clones are suddenly hauling ass into gunships.  

Enter one Anakin Skywalker and one Padmé Amidala, who are about to acquire some friends, none of whom understand a word they’re saying.  They fuck some things up, get strapped to some poles to be devoured by Space Beasts of some sort, and then escape.  

Battle of Geonosis happens.  Mace Windu quickly discovers that the answer to the question what do the clones speak is effectively every language except Basic, and the answer is also supremely inconsistent.  He is Suffering.  He is Experiencing The Horrors.  Obi-Wan is likewise fighting for his life because he speaks a fancy-ass dialect of Mando’a that the clones don’t understand.  This is because they, like normal people, don’t talk like dignitaries on diplomatic missions.  

Moving on!  Obi-Wan gets assigned Alpha-17.  Alpha-17 is a demon.  Actually.  He probably speaks Basic but refuses to out of spite.  This is the biggest asshole to ever stomp his way into a Venator and terrify Anakin Skywalker into cowering submission.  (He may even be why Anakin behaved like that as Vader.  We will never know!)  Like most clones, Alpha-17 speaks four languages.  Clonespeak, Mando’a, Kaminoan, and Huttese.  In that order.  So he has no real trouble communicating with either Anakin or Obi-Wan.  

What he does have, though, is a surplus of kids.  Like it or not (he insists he doesn’t) they are his kids, and he wants them to have a shot at having a moderately tolerable existence.  Enter everyone’s favorite group of six weirdos: Wolffe, Ponds, Fox, Bly, Cody, and Rex.  

Wolffe is easy.  He’s horrible with languages, and so gets sent to Plo Koon, who speaks through a translator anyway.  Add Mando’a to the translator, and bang!  Easy.  Done.  They understand each other perfectly.  

Ponds is also easy.  He, being sensible, learned Basic, so he goes to Mace Windu, who is equally sensible (and grateful for the easy transition).  

Fox, who is a scheming little shit and also just so happens to speak Naboo, get sent to Coruscant.  The Chancellor can’t get one over on him if Fox can understand every word he says, and most Senators have protocol droids with them for translation anyway.  

Bly speaks Ryll, so she gets Aayla Secura.  Again, easy.  

Cody, on the other hand?  Cody speaks the same languages as 17.  Cody has a favorite younger brother who needs guidance.  Cody, therefore, gets deposited with Obi-Wan, and Rex?  Rex gets Anakin.  

But the issue with Rex is he and Anakin have no language in common.  Rex’s elective language was Togruti, and like the rest of his batch he also speaks Tusken sign.  Because his batch are a bunch of assholes who wanted an extremely private way to talk.  

So.  Anakin and Rex start off the war with no way to communicate!  None!  Literally not one language in common!  

And they do try to communicate—via charades, via text, et cetera—but they don’t really have access to translation software on a regular basis and thus things become complicated.  

Things are made even more complicated by the fact that Rex, like Wolffe, is shit at language learning.  Anakin, who isn’t, could try to learn clonespeak, and does!  But when you can’t communicate with the person teaching you it is immensely slow going.  

And thus, our premise is complete.  How do you run a war with someone you can’t talk to?  

Well, it depends.  If you’re Anakin, you say, maybe I can figure a way around this.  

If you’re Pong Krell?  

I dunno man.  Yell?  Yeah, that sounds about right. 

[autolenaphilia]

Why enshittification happens and how to stop it.

The enshittification of the internet and increasingly the software we use to access it is driven by profit. It happens because corporations are machines for making profits from end users, the users and customers are only seen as sources of profits. Their interests are only considered if it can help the bottom line. It's capitalism.

For social media it's users are mainly seen by the companies that run the sites as a way for getting advertisers to pay money that can profit the shareholders. And social media is in a bit of death spiral right now, since they have seldom or never been profitable and investor money is drying up as they realize this.

So the social media companies. are getting more and more desperate for money. That's why they are getting more aggressive with getting you to watch ads or pay for the privilege of not watching ads. It won't work and tumblr and all the other sites will die eventually.

But it's not just social media companies, it's everything tech-related. It gets worse the more monopolistic a tech giant is. Google is abusing its chrome-based near monopoly over the web, nerfing adblockers, trying to drm the web, you name it. And Microsoft is famously a terrible company, spying on Windows users and selling their data. Again, there is so much money being poured into advertising, at least 493 billion globally, the tech giants want a slice of that massive pie. It's all about making profits for shareholders, people be damned.

And the only insurance against this death spiral is not being run by a corporation. If the software is being developed by a non-profit entity, and it's open source, there is no incentive for the developers to fuck over the users for the sake of profits for shareholders, because there aren't any profits, and no shareholders.

Free and Open source software is an important part of why such software development can stay non-corporate. It allows for volunteers to contribute to the code and makes it harder for users to be secretly be fucked over by hidden code.

Mozilla Firefox and Thunderbird are good examples of this. There is a Mozilla corporation, but it exists only for legal reasons and is a wholly-owned subsidiary of the non-profit Mozilla foundation. There are no shareholders. That means the Mozilla corporation is not really a corporation in the sense that Google is, and as an organization has entirely different incentives. If someone tells you that Mozilla is just another corporation, (which people have said in the notes of posts about firefox on this very site) they are spreading misinformation.

That's why Firefox has resisted the enshittification of the internet so well, it's not profit driven. And people who develop useful plugins that deshitify the web like Ublock origin and Xkit are as a rule not profit-driven corporations.

And you can go on with other examples of non-profit software like Libreoffice and VLC media player, both of which you should use.

And you can go further, use Linux as your computer's operating system.. It's the only way to resist the enshitification that the corporate duopoly of Microsoft and Apple has brought to their operating system. The plethora of community-run non-profit Linux distributions like Debian, Mint and Arch are the way to counteract that, and they will stay resistant to the same forces (creating profit for shareholders) that drove Microsoft to create Windows 11.

Of course not all Linux distributions are non-profits. There are corporate created distros like Red Hat's various distros, Canonical's Ubuntu and Suse's Opensuse, and they prove the point I'm making. There has some degree of enshittification going on with those, red hat going closed source and Canonical with the snap store for example. Mint is by now a succesful community-driven response to deshitify Ubuntu by removing snaps for example, and even they have a back-up plan to use Debian as a base in case Canonical makes Ubuntu unuseable.

As for social media, which I started with, I'm going to stay on tumblr for now, but it will definitely die. The closest thing to a community run non-profit replacement I can see is Mastodon, which I'm on as @autolenaphilia@chaosfem.tw.

You don't have to keep using corporate software, and have it inevitably decline because the corporations that develop it cares more about its profits than you as an end user.

The process of enshittification proves that corporations being profit-driven don't mean they will create a better product, and in fact may cause them to do the opposite. And the existence of great free and open source software, created entirely without the motivation of corporate profits, proves that people don't need to profit in order to help their fellow human beings. It kinda makes you question capitalism.

[vigilskeep]

i have never thought of the bg3 paths as railroaded before but oh my god... i see your vision. i think that, for all that can be picked apart in the writing of dragon age, the worldbuilding in that series is so so interested in complicating all factions that you can envision a character who /makes sense/ while bouncing through various ideologies. and the sort of fantasy writing in (most of) the forgotten realms doesn't really allow for that.

dao is particularly the light of my life because the origins mechanic is specifically intended to let you create a character who has a distinctive perspective on the world that’s grounded in the worldbuilding. one of my favourite aspects of this is several origins having completely different codex entries on their own culture as opposed to those an outsider would get. it’s really good! it’s also a reasonably grounded world (while obviously silly) because, like, the basic fundamental premise of thedas, from which they ikea flatpack built almost every feature, is “how would people react to magical and fantastical diversity? the same way they react to human diversity.” you’re meant to feel like, aside from i guess the darkspawn, people are normal and have real motivations. sure it has to fulfil certain roles in a story, and dragon age was manufactured too quickly and purposefully for everything to land feeling authentic, but evil in dragon age should feel recognisable. and in most of the origins they give you a chance to do something that is bad, but also totally makes sense, because of the context of your character belonging to this world where these things happen

in dnd/the forgotten realms it’s a bit different because capital e Evil exists, so there are people and deities and devils (and, to open another can of worms, races) whose entire goal is to Do Evil. it’s also harder to produce grounded evil because in a world where i’m being given basically no context and just told to make whatever i want, i don’t have an inch of the kind of social information i get from for example a dao origin: what my character has been taught to believe they should do to survive, who they are willing to sacrifice, whatever. bg3 also happens to have a main plot goal that is, at least for the first part of the game, broadly selfish (“i am sick, and i need a cure”) which works really well for getting a bunch of people with vastly differing moral standards to band together for the same goal, and not so good for any kind of “greater good” type blurred morality, so that’s out too

however much the worldbuilding factors into this, bg3 specifically went for quite a clear distinction between the good path and the capital e Evil Path, and i find it pretty hard to vary up the good path. when i say railroaded i mean you either do the specific thing that gets you a quest down the line or not. i was really disappointed actually in my playthrough where i totally fucked up in the druids’ grove and caused a fight to break out, because it immediately instakilled tons of characters i knew i would need down the line. the few it spared needed some of the dead ones to stay alive in later quests, so it’s like... oh. that’s just... over. for both factions. bg3 arguably lets you do basically anything you want but they are able to do that because if you fuck around it just breaks the entire quest line from coming up again, which means playing a character who fucks up is not even really going to get me consequences it’s just going to cut content from the game. does that make sense? and then the Evil Path is just straight up evil, like... there’s no way for me to complicate and empathise, here, especially playing a blank canvas character whose motivations i would have to make up from nothing, and who faces basically no consequences for not doing this. the only neutral/cowardly/self-interested option in act 1 is to do neither path, which gets me the least content because i literally don’t get to play the fucking game

i don’t know, i’m not saying it’s necessarily bad just that it’s hard for me, personally, and how i like to create characters. especially when you have my constant restart disease and you have to do this all over again a dozen times just for a handful of different dialogue. does any of that make sense

[genericpuff]

re: your tags on the rowling / musk post, specifically villains on saturday morning cartoons > wondering why we hate those who emulate it

idk if you ever played toontown, but i’ll always find it hilarious that disney released a game all about fighting big corporations from taking over small businesses, where the enemies (aka cogs (in the machine)) are all named after idioms / insults for types of corp employees (i.e. pencil pusher, ambulance chaser, big wig, loan shark, cold caller); esp considering disney is the Perfect example of the types of corporations that the game teaches you are evil and soulless. honestly, it’s a game i hold near and dear to my heart, and i recommend trying out toontown rewritten if you ever feel like it

i have NOT played toontown but i remember seeing the commercials for it all the time at like, the end of DVD's n junk and REALLY WANTING TO PLAY IT but ofc we didn't have a computer most of the time growing up and when we did it was hooked up with dial-up that my parents always got really clutchy over (idk if this was just a circumstance of the time period but like. did anyone else have a parent who acted like it was a life-or-death scenario if they missed even a single phone call ??? because my folks definitely did LOL) so something like toontown was just not in the cards LOL but I didn't know Toontown Rewritten was a thing so... maybe it's time for me to make another one of my childhood self's dreams come true (´｡• ᵕ •｡`) ♡

but that is really ironic, it's wild (and sad honestly) how so many accomplished writers and creators can become disconnected from what they originally represented and wrote about through... the disillusionment of fame and wealth i guess ??? or maybe it was just mold on the walls the whole time ?? 💀😆 i mean shit even rowling herself told a story about a boy literally living in the closet who finally escaped and went on to fight against an organization of literal fucking wizard nazi's, and yet now she seemingly missed the entire point of why kids resonated with her books so much and why they saw it as an inspiring message of hope and acceptance and love and persevering and standing up against literal fucking fascism ??? hello ???

actually there was a great video i watched a while ago about how despite the messages we took away from those books growing up, the HP books were also completely manufactured through the lens of capitalism, like not just as a franchise but on a narrative level. def give it a watch because it really kinda blew my mind and opened up a whole new perspective on the series for me LOL

[audhdnight]

OH MY FUCKING GOD

Seriously this has opened my eyes to something that I honestly feel like I already suspected because there is SUCH an emphasis on “teaching them while they’re young” and not turning them out into the world until they are “past the point of no return” like this is why Christian fundamentalists hate college so much, because at that age people are still capable of reversing the damage (at least, a hell of a lot easier then they are at say, fifty). The prefrontal cortex doesn’t finish developing until around 25, so if an indoctrinated teenager goes to college at 18 and begins to see reality, they are much more likely to leave the church than someone who is sheltered from the world until they’re 30.

(Side rant: This is also why it’s so frustrating to talk to Christian adults who seem to be genuinely incapable of thinking logically. It explains a phenomenon that I noticed a long time ago: when speaking to relatives, I attempted to show them that they didn’t actually agree with, let’s say for the sake of the example, capitalism. I would bring up all their complaints with our current system and demonstrate how each one is a facet of capitalism. I was able to get them to agree to each individual point, but when I tried to put them all together as a whole, the person (usually my grandpa) would revert back to “okay the system is flawed but it still works” even though we just spent an hour discussing how it doesn’t work, actually. They are incapable of putting multiple pieces together and viewing them as one whole.)

I remember so clearly growing up the sermons on Proverbs 22:6 (Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it) and the pastors stirring up panic about public school and colleges stealing our children’s faith and poisoning their minds. I remember how afterwards all the parents exclaimed how their children would never go to college, that this is why they homeschooled, that this was yet another reason why young men should go straight into the work force and young women should immediately get married and become baby making machines. I vividly remember the panic over statistics of how many people leave the faith in college and how it was so much higher than the numbers of essentially any other group.

Fundamentalists worst fear is reality. They do not want their children to have any exposure to any rhetoric besides their own, unless it is presented disingenuously by apologetics teachers. Everything is filtered and twisted and watered down to keep us “safe” from reality.

This is literally how cults operate. Fundamental Christian evangelicalism IS A CULT

This is also why they target vulnerable groups, because like the OP mentions, people who have damage to their prefrontal cortex are much more likely to fall for indoctrination. This is why you see Christian “outreach groups” in homeless shelters and rehabilitation programs and hospitals. This is targeted and it is malicious. Even the “good Christians” who really do want to actually help people are upholding this system that actively harms vulnerable groups.

[bioethicists]

hm i really hope that someone has said this better than me but the betterhelp ads (specifically the video ones, as the podcast ones tend to be less scripted) are such poignant examples of alienation + the role of 'go to therapy' in perpetuating that alienation. keep in mind that, if you personally found a therapist who is genuinely healing for you + that therapist happens to be through betterhelp- i'm genuinely happy for you + that experience does not invalidate anything i have to say below! (but jsyk they're trying to sell your shit to facebook lol)

starting strong w/ the fact that betterhelp is essentially the uber of therapy (aka using an independent contractor model which is harmful + predatory towards its providers), rushing in to fill the market on largely uninsured and/or uninformed ppl who want the ease of a concierge system without the cost + lacks a meaningful supervision system (which led to one gay man being recommended a conversion therapist when he asked for someone to help with his identity struggles, btw!). smarter people than me have written about the ways in which these trendy independent contractor apps strip people of labor rights, fail to provide adequate wages, + in the case of healthcare apps, increase digital surveillance + decrease accountability demanded from providers while exploiting the failure of the US healthcare system in order to churn a profit w/o actually creating sustainable, equitable change.

the betterhelp video ads all circle around a theme- a millennial starts talking about some form of emotional pain or worry, usually relatively standard existential worries ("do you ever think nothing has meaning?") or life worries ("i hate my job" "i think i'm gay"). their friends or the ppl around them respond blankly + coldly, looking at them like they're crazy. while i understand these ads are supposed to be tongue in cheek, they demonstrate the crushing reality of our alienation from one another- the solution to your friends responding to your evident pain with confusion + apathy is to confine that pain to a therapy session! nobody wants to hear your struggles or understands them- come generate profits for us by facetiming a newly graduated 24 year old who can barely make rent!

this theme fits well with what already put me off about betterhelp's marketing- their goal has never been to provide access to therapy for those who want it or to altruistically fill in some healthcare gap. their goal, bolstered by the rise in emotional suffering following, you know, the worldwide pandemic, is to generate + increase demand for therapy as a commodity. their earlier podcast ads focused on convincing others that therapy "isn't just for crazy ppl" + "everyone should be in therapy". regardless of if you personally agree with that statement, it should be evident that this is a blatant marketing tactic in which therapy is a commodity to be peddled, not an offer of support or healing. in fact, they're probably actively shying away from treating "crazy people", bcuz their flimsy support systems could not possibly handle an influx of ppl regularly in crisis or experiencing breaks with a common reality. their target audience is your average millennial under late capitalism + post COVID - anxious, lonely, vaguely depressed, unhappy with their jobs, worried + hopeless about their futures.

i'm not here to tell anyone not to get therapy. that's a personal decision + is none of my fucking business. it's about questioning the total alienation we feel from one another, such that pouring our heart our unexpectedly to a friend + being met with a blank stare is framed as "haha you need therapy" + not "it's crushing that this is how distant we are from one another". it's about a company noticing that (unfortunately very real) distance + fear of vulnerability + using that to direct our emotions into the confines of a business transaction under abusive labor conditions. it's about a world in which we are not engaging with one another emotionally (despite, or i guess bcuz of: widespread suffering, recent mass death, class warfare/untenable working conditions, increased pressure of fascist politics, generational trauma + abuse, etc etc). commodifying therapy isn't going to make that loneliness go away- it's going to normalize it.

[1863-project]

For the ask game: common fandom opinion that everyone is wrong about?

[ask meme]

8. common fandom opinion that everyone is wrong about

I...actually get frustrated with the infantilization and/or demonization of characters that could be read as autistic, because it happens so often and there's such a lack of self-awareness when people do it. If one person headcanons it, a bunch of other people pile on, and before you know it, your character is being treated like someone else entirely - and unfairly so.

Let's take the most obvious example and the reason I don't engage with fandom much:

I am so tired of what fandom at large has done to Emmet since 2010. He's been infantilized since day one, often being portrayed as needing Ingo to take care of him or otherwise be his brother's keeper. He's also been turned into a violent, 'unhinged' stereotype since day one. Neither of these things are new. They've been happening since the release of the games. Neither of them have any basis in his canon characterization - a competent railroad employee who's a goofball but simultaneously responsible and always puts safety first.

I was hoping people had moved past that the way they moved past Blankshipping (though some people still do this, too, EW), but it seems like they haven't. Emmet is still either a helpless child or a serial killer waiting to happen to so many of these people, and as someone who actually felt so validated and seen the first time she discovered Ingo and Emmet, it hurts so deeply.

In real life, I'm also infantilized. I turn 35 this year and have a Master’s degree and work a big grown-up adult archivist job and live outside my parents' house, but because I'm neurodivergent and short, I'm frequently assumed to be and am treated like a teenager way more often than you'd reasonably expect. It's incredibly frustrating to constantly be treated like an innocent child because you don't meet neurotypical benchmarks of adulthood the way they want you to or because of the way you carry yourself or enjoy things. But at the same time, people shy away from me because I'm "too intense" about the things I care about.

Sound familiar?

Fandom was, when I was a younger girl, a place where neurodivergent people (especially autistic and ADHD people) were safe from the real world not understanding, accommodating, and accepting us. We generally kept things on the down-low, since it was another thing we'd be bullied for if people knew, but for us, it was a safe space. Then people realized fandom could be commodified, and once capitalism got a hold on fandom and made it mainstream, all our bullies were suddenly in our little space again, and...well, you probably know the rest. (Yeah, they brought their ableism with them.)

I'm not saying old fandom didn't have its problems. It had a LOT of problems. But it was, altogether, a safer space for neurodivergent people to find community and themselves than it is now. Now it feels more about producing things and moving on to the next big thing to produce more "content" to keep engagement instead of an actual community of nerdy, passionate people getting excited about each other's fanworks and chatting about their favorite things together.

And that reflects in how people treat autistic and autistic-coded characters now. Emmet is one example of many - look at Papyrus, or Entrapta, or numerous others.

This trend really, really fucking hurts, and I cannot stand how willingly fandom spaces just go along with it without thinking critically about it.

[nartml]

To Pimp a Butterfly and 1989: a rant

Listen here, three things about me are that I'm a) white as snow, b) Greek, c) still a minor.

What does this mean? It means that I obviously wasn't raised with hip-hop, and I got into Kendrick Lamar's music pretty late.

As in, early this year.

I've known of him for some time, and the moment I found out he had a Pulitzer prize at some point in late-ish 2023, I decided I had to sit my ass down and pull out Spotify.

Now, as an avid reader of both fanfiction (ao3 raised me) and books [I feel the immense need to clarify that I don't associate myself with mainstream booktok. Capitalism's consumerism has overrun that shit and all I see are the same 20 books being recycled and recommended (a substantial amount of those are Colleen Hoover and her variants). Tropes and spice* are officially the defining factors of whether a book is worth it (*your porn addiction ain't cute) and quantity is heavily prioritized at the expense of quality. Also, diversity who?], I was, for a lack of a better word, hyped.

A Pulitzer prize is nothing to scoff at in general, more so in music, more so in hip-hop.

(Edit: Upon quick reflection, I realize that putting emphasis on hip-hop can come across as coded.

I am in no way, shape, or form trying to undermine hip-hop or say that it's somehow less 'sophisticated' than, for example, classical music. I'm very aware of the amount of skill and technique one needs to write a masterful hip-hop album, and I'm not doubting that there are hip-hop artists out there who are also incredibly deserving of such a prize. I meant it in the sense that I've unfortunately never heard of another hip-hop artist who won a Pulitzer before, which is quite telling.)

That's some huge shit, and I'd be a fool not to be intrigued.

Admittedly, I didn't get on that immediately. For a while I procrastinated, because I wasn't in the mood to hyper-fixate on anything new just yet.

Which of course meant I ended up forgetting about it for a few months, because of course I did.

But then I came across a TikTok that talked about how it was insane that '1989' won the Grammy when To Pimp a Butterfly was right there.

Now, a fourth thing about me is that I don't fuck with Taylor Swift.

And a fifth thing about me is that I'm not baseless in anything that I do, say or feel, and that includes annoyance.

Her immature understanding of activism and feminism leaves a bad taste in my mouth. The way she built up her fan base around this portrayal of her as a relatable girl's girl, her refusal to accept criticism, and always making a victim out of herself (even now when she's in her thirties and is a fucking billionaire) while never using her position of power and privilege for good are all reasons that serve to fuel my dispassionate dislike.

And before any Swifties get on my ass, no, I don't think that "But she's a singer! Why are you expecting so much out of her, she isn't even qualified to speak on XYZ—" is a good enough excuse.

She has always been rich, and now she's a billionaire. There are no ethical billionaires, and that includes her.

Fame is influence is power. Uncle Ben said it all: With great power comes great responsibility.

And let me tell you, I don't see her owning up to that responsibility, especially after all that talk about how she supports women, supports the LGBTQ community, and supports the BLM movement. Has she ever actually put her abundant money where her mouth is?

I've never seen her speak about anything that doesn't immediately concern her.

Don't get me wrong. She's not the only celebrity like this out there. I'm sure there are worse cases. I know it for a fact.

To wrap this segment up before I get even more sidetracked, I'll outright state that I don't hate her, because hating her would by definition mean that I, in some way, actually care about her, and that just sounds exhausting.

Best way to describe me is indifferent, leaning towards distasteful.

She's annoying.

And that's how I feel about both her as a person and her as an artist.

I'm not denying her talent, nor her impact on the industry, nor the fact that she does have good songs that even I like.

A select few, of course, but still.

Apart from those...what? Ten songs? I have never, ever been able to listen to any other song of her's all the way through.

I get bored. They do nothing for me. They sound empty. Hollow. Plastic. Repetitive.

Her lyrics, that are praised by fans for being deep and complex, sound pretty surface level to me.

Not all of them. But I'm a sucker for analysis. A literature nerd. Greek is my native language. I can tell when something's deep and when something wants to be deep.

(Not necessarily including Folklore and Evermore in that category. Her storytelling ability is actually great.)

Her music largely sounds like it wants to be deep.

Most recent example being her latest release, The Tortured Poets Department.

Anyway, back to Kendrick.

My initial plan was to listen to 'DAMN.' first, because that's what he won the Pulitzer for in the first place.

There was a change of plans after that TikTok.

I decided to compare the opening tacks.

I put on Welcome to New York, and predictably, I felt nothing.

The rhythm is dance-y, I suppose. But there's nothing substantial about it. There's nothing exciting about it.

The lyrics are juvenile, and I get it, it's a pop song and she was in her twenties.

Nobody is expecting Shakespeare (no matter how much you scream or kick your feet, the only reason Shakespeare couldn't write Taylor Swift is because he's in another league entirely) or Odysseus Elytis. Nobody is expecting mind-blowing lyricism.

But it's the opening track to an apparently Grammy-worthy album. The very least I'd expect from it would be some additional levels of artistry.

Am I being harsh? Probably. Do I care? No.

Disappointed but unsurprised, I put on Wesley's Theory.

I ascended within the first minute.

Don't get it twisted, I barely understood shit.

Not only am I white, I am also entirely removed from America and its culture as a whole. I don't know what's going on there in y'all's daily lives.

And this was baby's first proper introduction to hip-hop as a whole.

My untrained, white-ass ear barely caught two references. I got what the gist of the song was about, and that's about it.

I had to look up analyses of the track to fully grasp what Kendrick was on about, and even then, there was obviously still a disconnect.

And I expected all of that.

I didn't expect to get hooked on that song within the first listen.

I swear to fuck, the beat is addictive. I swear to fuck, even when I was fighting to understand what the lyrics were referencing, I was having the time of my life.

Even I, an amateur in every sense of the word, could tell that there was depth and there was quality and there was intentional meaning in every line of that song.

It didn't matter that I couldn't understand it. It mattered that I knew it was there. Not because someone told me that was the case. But because it was audible.

I listened to the next track. And the one after that. And the one after that. I had listened to all of the tracks, before I knew it.

And the evident permeance of quality, of substance, carried on throughout the whole album.

It had exactly the type of lyricism I'd expect a Grammy-worthy album to have. It had exactly the amount of artistry I expected a Grammy-worthy album to have.

Even better, it had all the ingredients I expected a timeless album to have.

The poetry Taylor Swift fans insist hides in her discography, I found in plain sight within Kendrick Lamar's.

After meticulously reading the lyrics, I watched video essay after video essay, searched for analysis after analysis on this album, each time understanding the meanings behind it a little better.

Needless to say that the Grammy's are rigged and I love Kendrick Lamar.

Hip-hop is gorgeous.

[utilitycaster]

What is the d20 meltdown about? 👀 If you don't mind getting into it

I literally don't know other than vague shit because I'm semi-avoiding spoilers. I'm making this nonrebloggable because we're in pure speculation country.

From what I have gathered, people are mad because I think the Bad Kids kill the Rat Grinders (another adventuring group that's been set up as their bitter, jealous rivals from the start) and they want...redemption or some shit? This is absurd to me like this party was set up as The Enemy from the start.

I am 4 episodes behind so I can't speak to this, and also I admittedly have a rather low opinion of the D20 fandom at large for a number of reasons despite being a big fan of D20 shows, but: I just by chance watched the scene that I would say counts as a point of no return for at least some the Rat Grinders. Like, actually some of the most villainous shit I've seen on this show amplified by how petty and small and purely fueled by jealousy the motivation is.

My guess as to why the D20 fandom is, per whispers on the wind/texting my brother who is caught up/talking to friends not avoiding spoilers, having a meltdown about it is because people have this idea of Brennan Lee Mulligan always making capitalism the BBEG, or occasionally religion or politics.

That is untrue. He does hate capitalism, and that is a theme in the (real-world-ish set) Unsleeping City, but ultimately the thing Brennan sees as the villain is a willingness to hurt, exploit, and dehumanize others for your own goals and benefit. Capitalism and religious corruption are two major examples of this, but in the end, the worst thing you can do is kill people out of a desire for power, or attention, or spite. What Brennan truly hates is what we on Tumblr call a tar pit.

Now. My much more pointed analysis? Kipperlily (and presumably the other Rat Grinders) are deeply entitled people jealous of the Bad Kids, who aren't as academically strong at times but who have leveled up through saving the world at least three times. How many people does killing rats so much that you hit the high levels of D&D save? or even help? Like congrats, you're level 14 from killing rats real good. These guys stopped the fucking Night Yorb. Of course they get the fame and glory, you entitled, self-absorbed little brats. Do you not understand how this fucking works? This is underscored by the fact that they've definitely murdered at least one of their own and almost certainly two (and a teacher to boot) at least in part to get at the Bad Kids.

And herein lies my feeling as to why the D20 fandom is really melting down. Because the loudest and most unpleasant contingent (which is probably why the server is, ultimately, shutting down all discussion channels) have always struck me as entitled self-absorbed little brats who demand precisely what they want when they want it (and also have the literary analysis skills on par with the 3/4ths of a stick of Monterey Jack cheese currently in my fridge) and they're seeing, in real time, that in this story, they're the villain.

But: I haven't seen the next 4 episodes and I could be getting the details of the plot wrong (not the first 15 episodes though, and I do not think the Rat Grinders are going to make the world's best Heel-Face turn in 3-4 episodes, and at this point they're so clearly the villains that to deny it is to admit truly earth-shattering levels of stupidity) and so: nonrebloggable. I'm hoping to catch up this weekend though on both the show and the hot goss, and if I'm right this will become rebloggable.

ETA: I am caught up making this rebloggable but I'm actually more confused, because as my posts indicated this was not even like, edgy. Like I assumed maybe there was a twist where the Rat Grinders appeared to regret their actions or something but failed to do anything about it, making this a little bittersweet? but no there literally was nothing, they went into the final battle still like hell yeah we're going to be the living worst.

[elijasz]

I just read an article in which someone complained about Hades 2 accessibility and how including Arachne, as a spider, makes the game less accessible because arachnophobic players exist. And I have to say something about that because it's representative of a certain online trend that is truely making real accessibility look ridiculous.

Creators, studios, artists etc are in no way obligated to cater to your specific needs.

If you complain that including certain things people might be afraid of makes something inaccessible, you are diluting the discussion on accessibility. Content, media in general, cannot be adapted to everyones needs. That's why there is a concept called a "target audience." There are people afraid of the dark and afraid of being alone with men etc. If you had to exclude darkness and male villains from horror games, that would ruin many of them. Don't like certain parts or themes of a game and don't want to play it because of that? You are not the target audience then.

To think that all media and content needs to be made for YOU specifically is self-centered and shows that you do not understand how the world works. And if you play a game based on greek mythology, you have to deal with the existence of a spider. Don't like that? Don't play the game.

The world isn't made just for you. We wouldn't kill all spiders and fuck up the ecosystem just so you could be less scared. Deal with your issues, your fears, and avoid media that scares you. You don't have a right to personalised art unless you pay the artists. Want a game to your taste? Fund it. Pay people to make something for you. But stop claiming bullshit like "Including spiders in Hades 2 is an accessibility issue!" It is not. You don't understand what accessibility is. And you're ruining the discussion about real accessibility.

I think this is an example of a trend that has been going on for a few years. People seem to be convinced that all content needs to be adapted to them. Video game culture and the constant accessibility of SO MUCH content are some of the concepts linked to this shift in my opinion. Additionally I would consider the whole generative AI debate another result of the manifestation of this mindset. It's entitlement to consumption. And it's directly linked to maximalism, capitalism and consumerism as I understand it. This is an opinion. I get someone might disagree. But I find it frankly offensive to complain about a detail in an amazing game that is honesty cheap as fuck for what you get. And its disrespectful towards generations upon generations of people who have carried on the story of Arachne.

[sporesgalaxy]

PLS.. share thoughts on zoro n sanji relationship........ i dont ship them but they are so. SOOOOO.

THEY MAKE ME CRAZZYYYYY. and honestly the way their dynamic make me insane doesnt even HAVE to be read as romantic. But i feel so much crazier when i see them shipped and its not even capitalizing on all the shit theyve got going on.

So anyways here's my Zoro and Sanji retrospective I spent several hours on I guess. As if it's my fault.

▪︎

When Zoro and Sanji meet, Sanji has given up on his dream to see the All-Blue in favor of supporting Zeff.

Zoro is still throwing himself at his dream to be the greatest swordsman with all his might, and nearly dies to Mihawk for it.

Initially, from Sanji's outside perspective, it seems like a waste of precious life.

Zoro promising never to disappoint Luffy when he's on death's door clearly makes Sanji reconsider, though.

•••

The next time Sanji and Zoro really interact after Zoro's defeat is when they go after Nami at Arlong Park.

And the first thing Sanji learns about Zoro is.......that he's willing to hit girls!

To Sanji, Zoro seems like he's willing to turn on someone-- and worse, willing to hurt a girl-- just because he's angry for an apparent betrayal that no one has any concrete proof of yet. What a jerk! Surely that earned him the dig Sanji makes about his loss to Mihawk.

Unbeknownst to Sanji, however, Zoro has already bet his life on Nami's friendship being genuine by almost drowning himself.

Zoro doesn't want to bother explaining this to some stupid new guy who's willing to side with a stranger purely on the basis of her gender. Clearly, Sanji doesn't understand ANYTHING about this crew, and should just stay out of things.

And so their initial mutual dislike is born!!!

They tend to bicker a lot after this, but I think the next time Sanji brings up Mihawk is in Alabasta.

Once again, Sanji is hitting below the belt because he's convinced Zoro's done something nigh-unforgivable: doubting Luffy. It's a reminder that their rivalry at this point is still built on genuinely misjudging each others' character.

Now at this point I've run out of my 100 daily shounen jump chapters so I can't find for you the PRECISE moment thet are mutually like "yeah ok fine you're a DECENT guy I GUESS" in Alabasta but I think it's the clock tower maybe? The point is that the whole crew has to work together VERY HARD to defeat Crocodile and it shows Sanji and Zoro that they can count on each other to support the crew, at least.

Their improved relationship is apparent in one of my fave downtime scenes so far: Sky Island jungle dinner :)

I...don't think we've seen Sanji ask for help cooking before this point?? Much less from Zoro. So I fucking love that. And Zoro goes along with it, even though he complains!!!!! It shows perfectly how they now trust each other to help take care of the crew.

Another one if my fave examples of them counting on each other in a kind of funny way is when they're fighting Zombie Oars.

Zoro pushes Sanji's buttons on purpose to get him to go along with it, and it works. But it also shows that Zoro was counting on him to give him a boost! The middle panel could even imply Zoro jumped before Sanji agreed to anything, which really proves how much they're willing to couny on each other now.

Which of course brings us to the conclusion of Thriller Bark and a WILD curveball in their relationship: thes self-sacrificial x2 combo.

What Sanji does here floored me. At this point not only does he trust Zoro as a part of the crew, but he considers Zoro a more irreplacable member of the crew than himself.

And Zoro refuses to let him.

Now, we know from his initial fight with Mihawk that Zoro being willing to kill himself doesn't mean he considers his life unimportant. Zoro and Luffy are both unafraid of death, because they have to be willing to die to even have a ghost of a chance of achieving their dreams.

That's why Zoro chooses to take on Luffy's pain and why he is able to survive it.

Zoro's sacrifice obviously means a lot to Sanji. When Zoro refuses to acknowledge his sacrifice, Sanji goes along with that and covers for him.

And of course he understands. The pain Sanji mentions here that Zoro is trying to spare Luffy from is the exact same pain that lead Sanji to give up on his dream of finding the All-Blue in favor of trying to repay his life debt to Zeff. Sanji wouldn't wish the guilt he feels for Zeff's leg on anybody.

Sanji shows a lot of concern for Zoro after this point up until the time skip!! He calls Zoro a hero to Brook, and tries to help Zoro deal with his excess injuries without drawing attention to them. Zoro is of course surly about it, because he's frustrated by his own limits. He got a taste of what Luffy goes through and it just made him more desperate to become strong enough to lighten Luffy's load.

I find their sort-of reset after the timeskip hilarious.

Sanji was already feeling deeply insecure when he got sent to the island of question your gender and sexuality-- things Sanji clearly considers very important to his identity. Since he can't bear to question himself, he relies on reacting combatively to things that challenge his masculinity. Kicking them, mostly. I'm sure he picked that up from Zeff.

Meanwhile, Zoro is THE most traditionally Masculine member of the crew besides Sanji by a long shot (Franky is in 3rd place as a self-professed freak with blue hair and pronouns who refuses to wear pants). Zoro is buffer than Sanji. And seemingly more stoic than Sanji. And Zoro has cool scars and uses three swords and his muscles are bigger and half the time he's not even wearing a shirt.

This masculinity contest between them was present before the timeskip too, but it's really the only good explanation for the extremeness of Sanji's sour attitude the moment he lays eyes on post-timeskip Zoro and remarks, aloud, "He's back. Like I really care..." after how much appreciation Sanji showed for Zoro's sacrifice before the timeskip.

Sanji WOULD be annoyed at his crewmate's seemingly effortless, unshakeable masculinity after two years of doggedly avoiding non-consensual crossdressing and constantly fighting for his life to outrun gay thoughts.

Zoro's side of things so far post-timeskip seems a bit less wound-up than Sanji. Zoro never takes an insult sitting down, and also just enjoys making snide remarks, so if Sanji's going to argue with him there's no reason for Zoro not to argue back.

This is why I am a gay Zoro truther, even if that gayness has nothing to do with anyone on the crew. Because its fucking hilarious if Sanji is one-sidedly trying to out-hetero-masculinity a literal gay man.

[rhaegang]

Felix pining over masc Ollie. And then Ollie takes him into a pub bathroom and tells him he knows he wants him. Puts a hand on his shoulder and brings him to his knees. And then pulls out his cock.

Is this anything?

Suck It And See - first edition

So, Felix wasn’t sheltered. Venetia had loved To Wong Foo, Thanks for Everything! Julie Newmar when they were kids. And he’d always known Farleigh had a little fruit flavor about him, so he wasn’t surprised, once puberty struck, to find his cousin fooling around with this, that, and the other.

That was fine by him, no judgement. It just wasn’t for Felix. The gay clubs they’d sneaked into with their immaculate fake IDs had solidified it for him early. The drag queens and the hot pants and the voguing and the disco diva worship—Felix just wasn’t into that stuff.

And girls? Girls always came easy. They had certain expectations of him, given his family and his face, and he didn’t mind playing into that for an hour or two at a time when he needed to do it. So, that was easy, and Felix liked easy.

On the other hand, Oliver had never had it easy, not in any sense. He’d been born up north in a large working class family, but his dad had passed when he was just small. His mum had done her level best to raise four kids with his pension and the insurance money, but Oliver had been the man of the house, so he’d started work while he was still a student. Then, he’d split his time between studies, work, and trade school.

Felix had no idea how someone could juggle all that and still find time to take care of himself, but Oliver obviously had done so. He was built like a boxer, lean but dense, and he had a few scars here and there that Felix had been dying to ask about for weeks—but he held off. It would be rude to pry, after all. Just, it was clear to Felix that Oliver could handle himself in a rough situation, and there was something about that he could not stop rolling around in his thoughts like a coin through his fingers.

And Oliver had such a strange calm about him, like nothing anyone said could shake him. Whether or not that was really true, Felix had no idea, but the projection of confidence alone was enough. He found himself admiring Oliver more and more when he shrugged off the shitty comments about his…non traditional path to scholarly life.

Yes, Oliver was a few years older than other first year students at Oxford, but that was because he’d needed to spend some time out in the real fucking world, earning every opportunity he had. None of Felix’s cohort could say the same (and if pressed, would say they didn’t find it impressive, but Felix thought they had to be lying).

The fact that Oliver never seemed interested in going along to the pub also didn’t help him to build social capital with his classmates. And that was something that Felix felt was his duty to correct. If everyone else could just get to know Oliver as he had—after a chance rescue where Oliver had given Felix a lift to his tutorial on the back of his motorbike—they were sure to be as taken with him as Felix was.

He cajoled and insisted and finally pleaded for an entire week before Oliver dropped the biggest shock possible: he did not care to come out to the pub with everyone because he had another place he liked to go, one that was better suited to him, given it was a gay bar.

There’s no way, Felix had thought. Oliver was such a…a man, in a way Felix had difficulty expressing. It was simpler to articulate what he meant by pointing to examples, classic and iconic bastions of masculinity in film and history. They were taciturn, yet able to feel deeply. They were protective, and they were providers. They were logical and patient and fair, morally upstanding. They were cowboys and kings—they came, they saw, they conquered. They were real men, as was Oliver.

There was nothing about Oliver that was fruity. Not his voice nor his walk; not the way he dressed nor the way he cut his hair. It was true he wasn’t especially tall, barely standing higher to Felix’s chest than a girl would. And it was true his boyish cheeks couldn’t grow a proper beard despite him being nearly twenty-five, and his huge blue eyes featured thick fans of dark lashes, but those were all physical traits out of his control. Not evidence of any inclinations whatsoever.

The fact that he had been admitted to Webbe on scholarship because he had earned a regional award for a small collection of his poetry also did not make him gay, despite what Jake had snickered into his lager one time. Many great poets through history had been, sure, but more had not. And Oliver wasn’t only a poet. He was a tradesman with rough broad hands he used to work, not hand over Daddy’s credit card while sitting on his arse like fucking Jake.

“Are you having a laugh with me, Ollie?” Felix had asked, too stunned to temper his shock with a grin and a wink like he might have if Oliver had said anything less unthinkable.

“D’you find something I said funny?” Oliver had asked in return, his lilting voice calm as ever, though Felix thought there was a hint of a challenge to it.

“Wh-no, no of course not, mate, Christ no, I’m not like. A homophobe or anything—”

“Don’t mistake me, Felix. I go there because I prefer to be around other men. I prefer men, but I’m not homosexual.”

“…wait. Tell me, how does that work?”

Oliver had sort of blown Felix’s mind that afternoon, to be honest. He’d had no idea there were men like Oliver, men who preferred other men, but who weren’t like, queer. Felix had been so sure, after seeing the rainbows and the glitter and the fishnet shirts, that he wasn’t queer either, so the thoughts he sometimes had about other men had to be inconsequential, idle musings of a sort every bloke had.

But if he had known it was possible to be ‘not gay’ and yet have an interest in other men—and that was the key element wasn’t it, Felix was interested in men, like Oliver—

Ah.

The next several weeks were an especially difficult time in Felix’s life.

Once the pieces had come together for him, it became impossible not to look at Oliver and imagine. Wonder. Want. Felix found himself daydreaming about it, even though he had no idea at all about how being with another man would work, if he like, considered it in theory.

Would they use their hands? That didn’t seem too gay. Plenty of boys exchanged a little touch and tug at school, after all. Felix personally had never, not even with his best mate Eddie, but mainly because he hadn’t wanted things to get awkward after.

If not hands, surely not anything like, in the back alley. There was no way that wasn’t gay. Felix had tried to picture Oliver bent over, another man’s cock pushing into him. Taking him. He couldn’t. He couldn’t imagine a man like Oliver like that. And in the reverse, any attempt to imagine Oliver bending another man over, opening him up, giving him the ride of his fucking life—

Too far. Too much.

Which just left mouths.

Which, in turn, left Felix obsessing and staring at Oliver’s mouth in a way he desperately hoped went unnoticed. It was a bit soft for a man, he supposed. Soft and full, and a lovely cupid’s bow of a top lip. Much more agreeable to imagine Oliver’s mouth on his dick than Oliver’s cock inside him. Not that Felix had been the other man in any of those scenarios. But, if he had to imagine it.

“You and your little dinner club going to the pub later?”

Felix dropped his pencil from his mouth where he’d been alternately chewing the eraser and rubbing it over his bottom lip.

“What?”

“I asked if you and your posh schoolmates are planning to go to the pub tonight.” Oliver was so gracious about repeating himself. He didn’t even give Felix any shit for being out of it.

“Probably. I mean, we go most every night, so I imagine that’s ‘the plan’, yeah.” Felix glanced down at his notes. He’d barely annotated anything in the text. He couldn’t actually recall if he’d read any of it. It seemed barely familiar.

“Think they’ll mind if I join?”

“Seriously, Ollie? You’ll come out with us?” Felix was instantly present and engaged in the conversation. He couldn’t wait to have a drink with Oliver, to see what he was like after a little social lubrication. He was keen to find out if drunk Ollie might be a bit touchy-feely, like Felix himself was.

“It’s been how many months now we’ve known each other?” Oliver asked, but didn’t wait for an answer. “You’ve kept me company in the library plenty of nights, haven’t you? Been like my own shadow, lately.” It was quick, a flick of his eyes down and then up. Felix didn’t think anything of it.

“About time I meet you where you’re at, I think.”

“Brilliant!” And Felix couldn’t stop himself from leaning over, leaning into Oliver’s space and the sphere of the scent of his TOBS shaving soap. It was the middle of the afternoon, so Felix had not been drinking, which meant drunken touchy-feeliness was not an excuse he could use to explain why he smacked a playful kiss to Oliver’s cheek.

His only excuse was that he would have done it with any of his mates at any time, no big deal, but that he did not because they were too insecure in their masculinity to allow it. Oliver had nothing to be insecure about, and so did allow it.

“We’re usually there by nine o’clock,” he said as Oliver stood to pack up his things. “I’ll see you then?”

“You’ll see me then.”

By eleven, Felix became aware of something he had not factored into his daydreaming. Despite his smaller size, Oliver could handle his drink remarkably well. When it was, in fact, remarked upon, he deflected with some dark joke about alcoholism rates Up North, which had gotten a shitty laugh out of Jake and Farleigh but mostly nervous ones from everyone else.

Felix was no slouch, either, and he had a lot more body to metabolize the alcohol with, but keeping up with Oliver had him teetering on the edge between pleasantly drunk and outright smashed.

At least, Oliver was proving to be an affectionate drunk as Felix had hoped. He only realized after a hand kept settling on his knee and a fond smile was thrown at him that Oliver could have been a belligerent drunk. He could’ve been the sort of drunk who liked to get into a scrap and cause trouble, which Felix wouldn’t have been prepared to handle. But no. That was childish bullshit behavior, and Oliver was a grown man.

Grown enough to know when to slow down, too. He returned to the booth with water, pouring a cup for Felix first.

“Best flush the engine before you go throwing more jet fuel in it, mate,” Oliver said, then poured water for himself as well. He tapped his cup to Felix’s. “If you wanna remember tonight, anyway. And I’m guessing you might.”

Weird thing to say about a random Thursday, thought Felix.

He then completely forgot Oliver’s comment about remembering until about twenty minutes later, when he was unlocking the door of the toilet after an especially satisfying piss. The moment Felix slipped the bolt out of its catch, before he could take hold of the doorknob to open it, it was opening from the other side.

“Back up,” Oliver told him. He then pressed into the small bathroom around the half-open door, immediately slid the bolt back into its catch, then turned. He put his palm flat in the center of Felix’s chest and pushed.

Felix’s elbow smacked the side of the sink basin and his shoulders hit the wall. It was a single occupancy bathroom, just the sink and mirror and wastebin and toilet, with a dry mop and mop bucket shoved into a corner. In those limited confines, Oliver seemed much bigger all of a sudden.

“You’ve been acting off lately, Felix.”

“No, I haven’t.” Excellent defense.

“Yes. You have.” Oliver’s corduroy chore coat must have been too warm without the chill of any windows or drafts. He shrugged it off and hung it on the pole of the mop. “But it’s all right. I know why.”

“I’m…not saying that I have, because I haven’t, but you do?”

Oliver put his hand back on Felix’s chest. Then he slid it up, his calluses catching on the soft merino of Felix’s jumper. He let it settle on Felix’s shoulder, his thumb tapping against Felix’s pulse while Oliver seemed to consider his words.

“You want to fuck.”

“D-doesn’t everyone? Like, at uni, generally?”

Oliver’s wide eyes narrowed up at him.

“Us. You want us to fuck.”

Felix felt his heart slap down inside his shoe, then ricochet up into his throat.

Busted, he thought, and it was almost giddy. Because of the drinks.

“I’m not really sure why I’m entertainin the idea, myself,” Oliver continued, his flushed face looking quite serious and pensive. Sort of silver screen drama a la The Wild One. It was a very sexy sort of look on him. “You’re really not at all my usual type.”

“What? That’s bollocks, Ollie, you can’t mean that.”

“I can’t? Why’s that?”

“Because…”

“Ah. Because you’re everyone’s type, is that it, Felix?”

“It sounds so narcissistic when you say it like that,” Felix said, his lower lip poking forward. “But yeah.”

“Give me your hand.”

Felix was doing as he’d been told before Oliver even finished speaking. Oliver took Felix’s hand in one of his much smaller ones. He turned it over and dragged one fingertip along the middle of his palm.

“Soft hands. Long hair. Your little bracelets and earrings and all that. More femme than I like. In most cases.”

“Wait. Wait, what, femme? Me?”

“No? You saying you’re not a soft boy, Felix?”

“Fuck you, mate, I’m a grown man, not a boy—”

“So you can take it like a man, is what I’m hearin.”

The hand on Felix’s shoulder pressed down then, at the same time that Oliver twisted Felix’s wrist in some way that made him gasp in pain. Maybe it was shock more than pain but pain was part of it, part of why Felix folded to his knees in front of Oliver, his back to the wall, Oliver’s body between him and the only door.

There was a pause. A void where all the air seemed to leave the room.

“You’ve never done this before. Am I right?”

Felix couldn’t breathe, but he could nod.

“You want me to go easy on you?”

He could shake his head.

“Mh. You gonna show me what kind of man you are, then?”

“W…what if it turns out I am…soft?” Felix whispered, his lungs burning.

“…I like havin fine things, from time to time. I know how to handle them careful, like.”

That was terrifyingly reassuring to hear. Felix closed his eyes and sucked in a breath.

“Please,” he said. “Before I lose my nerve.”

He heard Oliver’s zipper opening.

“I don’t think you will. I think you’re gonna be tough for me. I think you’re gonna take it so good…won’t even cry.”

Cry? Is that…why would I— Felix’s eyes popped open.

“Holy fucking hell, Ollie.” He heard Oliver laugh above him. “No. No, not funny. You’ve got a medieval siege weapon in your tatty old boxers, it’s no laughing fucking matter from where I’m standing—”

“Kneeling.”

“From where I’m kneeling, you prick.” Felix had nearly just choked to death on his own saliva, and Oliver wanted to argue semantics. “What am I meant to do with all this? What do those…other men do with this?”

“You’ll just have to suck it and see.”

And then Oliver’s hand was in his hair, gripping hard, pulling, burying Felix’s face in his groin. Dark, wild curls that smelled like sweat, a bit like warm fur, which god, they sort of were, and Felix didn’t realize he was panting like a dog until he had that thought. He just couldn’t get enough oxygen to his brain. That had to be why it had gone all white and gauzy and quiet in his head.

His nose was in another man’s pubes. There was another man’s cock literally fucking twitching against his cheek. If he stuck out his tongue, it would stroke against another man’s balls. So he did, and it did, and what he tasted was the pure, concentrated, flavor of a man, of Oliver.

Felix moaned.

“Come on, Felix. Sooner you get me off, sooner we can go back to mine and get you proper fucked.”

Too far. Too much.

“God, yes.”

Or not.

(to be continued????????????????)

[ripplestitchskein]

Some of you assholes are about to make me do an entire essay on writing structure, serialized fiction and like, fucking, the basic iterative creative process as it relates to HB.

Broad strokes though:

Pilot. 👏 Episodes 👏 Are 👏 Just 👏 Concepts 👏

Concepts are the INITIAL stage of the creative process. You may start with a character looking and behaving a certain way but by the time you get a final product they are completely fucking different. Or a story starts out in one direction in your early drafts but once you’ve really sat down and fleshed it out you realize you need to change it completely. This is why we have sketches, why we do drafts, why we do concept art. Every creative endeavor involves these steps. It’s rough -> refine -> refine -> refine -> finished product (or as finished as you can get with time/money/resource constraints).

That’s how every creative endeavor goes plus or minus some refinement steps. Things like money, time, and the number of people working on a project and tools available can change this math a bit but it’s ALWAYS the same basic principle. You start with a concept, you refine it over and over until it’s as close to done as you can make it. This can take a few days, this can take a few decades, but it still happens every time. Whether you SEE it or not.

Most of the time you don’t see the pilots of television shows. In major corporate productions all the behind the scenes growing pains happen before you lay your eyes on it. Examples we do have of true pilots often differ vastly from the end product and are usually released as special bonus material. Sometimes a show will call an episode the Pilot but there were versions of that pilot that got left on the cutting room floor. Before that there were character sketches, draft scripts, set designs, story breaking sessions etc that no one but the main creators see.

Independent productions, however, like Helluva Boss, like indie games, like web comics often don’t have the resources to go through that process without some transparency, they need to generate interest and capital. So they release concept art, pilots, Alpha versions and other pre-production materials to the public to get people to buy in and help them fund the project. That’s how they get it made.

The problem is some of you can’t seem to see past that rough draft.

Helluva Boss gave audiences the basic idea of the show with the Pilot. After they had secured interest and resources they could actually afford to flesh it out. And guess what? Like all creative cycles, shit changed. Characters changed. Designs changed. Stories changed. Then they released the first episodes, the final product, and those episodes said “Hey, this is what we landed on in terms of direction and this is the story we decided to tell. Here are the setups for what you’ll see going forward. Those set ups are:

“IMP is a business is hell specializing in the assasination of humans at the request of people already in Hell. There are four employees, Millie, Moxxie, Loona and the boss Blitzø. They accomplish this through the use of a grimoire that the title character (the boss) Blitzø is in possession of. He got this book from another character Stolas, they make a consensual sexual deal for use of the book. We have some indications of personality and characterization, financial struggles, but we’ll find out more in subsequent episodes.”

That’s episode 1. The first goddamn episode for the series.

Episode 2 is “Here is what we’ll actually be exploring through the course of this show beyond the broad premise you saw in episode 1: Blitzo’s relationship with Stolas. Stolas’s relationship with his family specifically his daughter and his failing marriage. Blitzo’s relationship with Millie and Moxxie. Blitzo’s relationship with his daughter. Blitzo’s issue with the Fizzarolli bot. Moxxie and Millie’s relationship dynamic.” All these things are setup and that is what the show is about. It’s what the show remains about, it’s what we’ve slowly been revealing and exploring.

So this whole “the show BECAME about Stolitz and Stolas is all sad owl now” is only an argument if all you saw and internalized was the rough draft. Because the actual FIRST. TWO. EPISODES. OF. THE. FINAL. PRODUCT. Very Explicitly layout what the show is going to be about and THATS WHAT ITS ABOUT. Blitzo’s relationships, including and very importantly his relationship with Stolas, Stolas’s relationships, and very importantly his relationship with Blitzø. Moxxie, Millie, Loona, Octavia and Stella are part of that. IMP is part of that but the central core of the show, as setup in the first two episodes are IMP, Blitzø, Stolas and the relationships that spiral off from those core things. And they have not changed, they have been expanded upon and revealed because….its a story, and that’s what happens in stories.