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bless-my-demons · 11 months

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Redamancy: Chapter Twenty-Three

Series Summary: What happens when your soulmate is a vampire that struggles to maintain a diet of trying not to kill you? Common sense says run for the hills, nothing is worth your life - but my heart is whispering why not, what’s there to lose?

Warnings: Just fluff, y’all deserve it lol

Notes: I’ve had this chapter written for a long time already and this week I’ve just kept adding to it lol I also tore my thumbnail off at work so I’ve been typing on my phone with my index finger and it’s pissing me off, I apologize if I fuck up some spelling bc of it. Enjoy our boy being back and not holding anything in anymore🥰

Word Count: 3500

Series Masterlist

•March 18th, 2006 • Home •

Reader

I don’t know what’s worse. Watching Jasper leave, or standing in front of him months later completely unprepared to see his face ever again.

Jasper Hale is here, he’s real, he’s home.

I can’t breathe all over again. I just-

My body collides with his before I even realize I’m moving. Wrapping my arms around his neck feels like a puzzle piece clicking into place. He’s solid against me, slightly chilly but real. I can’t believe it, I inhale for the first time since opening the door and it really is him-the scent of pine and everything Jasper slides right into my lungs and clicks against my heart. My breathing is noticeably choppy and I can barely contain the sob lodged in my throat. One hand wrinkles his shirt in a fist at his shoulder while the other grips his beautiful blonde hair at the base of his head, my eyes squeeze shut to hold in the tears from the overwhelming feeling of having him this close again.

“You-you’re home.” I choke out, the lump in my throat almost impossible to slip words past.

His arms close around me delicately picking me up off my feet, like I’m made of porcelain. He hasn’t moved an inch otherwise, almost as if he’s thinking that I might be a dream too. I feel his chest expand and his arms cinch down a little tighter, bands of steel that aren’t releasing me anytime soon.

“I’m here darlin’, I’m home.” Jasper whispers into my neck.

“You can’t-don’t leave-“ I stutter, words failing me, hands starting to shake.

“Shhh sweetheart, I’m here.” He smooths a hand down the back of my head and cradles it against his shoulder.

Tears start to fall in a steady flow at the reassurance in his voice, words I’ve needed to hear for a long time now clanging through my soul. He’s here and I don’t know for how long, but he’s here.

Jasper steps forward into my house with me still enveloped in his arms, nudging the door to slam shut with the toe of his boot, he stops.

“Couch?” He asks, as if he’s unsure what to do next.

I nod into his neck, I could probably let go and walk myself, but I can’t release him just yet. He moves us over to the couch and as he sits, I pick my legs up to lay across his lap, a hand drifting down my thigh to guide me into a comfortable position. It’s like time picked up right where we left off, a shudder running through me at the familiarity of him.

“Darlin’, I need to see that gorgeous face of yours.” He says in that southern accent that’s like a spear to my heart. I want to shake my head, I’d prefer to stay in this bubble locked around him. Instead I do the reasonable thing, my arms relax the death grip I have on his neck as I lean back to look into his eyes.

“There you are, sweet girl.” He whispers with a grin, dark brown eyes tracking the tear stains running down my cheeks. His thumbs reach up to swipe away the wetness as he places a kiss to my forehead before taking a deep breath.

“Why on earth would you try to-to kill-” He struggles with the words in a way that clenches my heart.

“I wasn’t trying to kill myself. It was recreational diving.” I pick at the edge of my sweatshirt and I feel him shift.

“Alice couldn’t see you come out of the water, I was so scared, you… You can’t do that.” Jasper pushes some fallen strands of hair behind my ear, staring at where his cold finger meets my warm skin.

“Can’t do what?” I challenge, meeting his eyes as defiance flairs in me.

“Scare me. Put yourself in a situation where I might lose you.” His answer is warming and bold, but it delivers a blow to my chest.

“Like when I lost you six months ago?” Fuck, the lashing is out of my mouth before I could think, but I stand by it nonetheless.

He takes a deep breath, glancing around the living room before nodding.

“I’m sorry…” my voice is small as I whisper the apology, I truly didn’t mean to snap.

“Sweet girl…” he drifts off and closes his eyes, missing the pink on my cheeks from the nickname. “You have no idea, it was the hardest thing I’ve ever done. The most scared I’ve ever been - that night in September and today.”

“You have no idea, Jasper. It’s not so easy to live without you either. To wonder if you’re alive. If you’ve moved on without me.”

He opens his almost pitch-black eyes and gapes at me like a fish out of water. How could this man think so low of himself that he can’t see how much I care for him?

“Have you been feeding?” I ask him, worry lacing my tone as I take his cheeks in my hands.

“When I need to, it turns out that not a lot matters besides you. You also scaring me to death kind of does that to a man.” He responds with a pointed look and a smirk tugging on his lips, his hands tightening their hold on my waist.

I blush again, not used to him being so open with his thoughts and feelings. “Oh hush.” I flash a sad grin back, the dark circles under my eyes an obvious sign I know exactly how he feels.

“You look tired sweetheart, maybe-“ he begins.

“No.” I interrupt him, there’s no way I’m taking my eyes off him any time soon, not even for a nap.

Realization dawns on him as I stare a hole into his chest, the grip I have on his shirt unyielding like it’s the only thing tethering me to earth. “Y/n, let’s go upstairs and you can take a nap, I’ll stay with you the entire time. You need some sleep, doll.”

“You-you’ll stay with me? You won’t leave?” I ask as he picks me up bridal style in his arms and begins walking to my room.

“I won’t leave, not until you ask me to.” He reassures my fears, no doubt catching the distress pouring off me in droves at just the thought of letting him go even for a simple nap.

“You’ll be okay laying with me?” I ask, concerned about making his hunger uncomfortable.

“Sweetheart,” he starts while ascending the stairs, “I’ve gone too long without you, I can wait a little longer to take care of myself.”

I sink into his arms a little further, my eyelids beginning to feel the weight of all the sleep I haven’t been getting since he’s been gone.

“Sleep, I’ve got you.” He murmurs into my hair, placing a kiss as he turns the corner to my room.

He sets me down on one side of the bed, the sheets unmaid making it easy to pull up and cover me. He speeds to the opposite side of my bed, toeing his shoes off before sliding under the sheets with me. He keeps his distance, facing me on his side with an arm propping up his head so that he could study me.

I turn my body to mirror his, “You’re not staying all the way over there, are you?” I ask mildly offended.

He lets out a chuckle, “Guess not.” He opens his arms to let me wiggle in closer, I press my nose to his chest and pause. “What is it?” He asks, immediately sensing my hesitation.

“Can I?” I lift my leg a little as if in question, too scared to ask something so intimate out loud.

He slides a chilly hand down my leg to grasp the back of my knee to hike over his thigh, leaving goosebumps in his wake and not just because he’s cold from the lack of sustenance in his system.

I sigh as I settle in, body finally able to relax for the first time in a very long time. I feel myself drift off as he rubs my back and whispers, “Sweet dreams darlin’, I’ll be here when you wake.”

Blissful all-encompassing darkness finally drags me under peacefully for the first time in months.

Jasper

I’m in Y/n’s bed, actually holding her and breathing her in. It’s like a soothing balm spreading over the exposed live wires of my sanity that have been buzzing uncomfortably since the day I ran from her. Gazing down at her sleeping face, I can tell the last few months have taken their toll on her too. Her forehead has more crinkles from stress, the dark circles under her eyes standing out against her delicate skin. Her lips aren’t quite as full as I remember, no doubt related to the volume missing in her cheeks from lack of nourishment. She’s still gorgeous, devastatingly so, but I know her well enough to notice the small changes.

I take a deep breath to let her scent flow in me, to heal the piece I’ve been missing for months, her hand tightens it’s hold on my shirt. I had no idea my absence would have such a prominent effect. I figured she could live without me simply the way she had before me.

As I gaze around her room to take in the disorganization, I hear her breathing pick up. Glancing back down I spot her nose scrunching up and a scrunch in her brow, in addition her heartbeat begins a steady increase. A nightmare, I can sense the fear and loneliness in her emotions.

“Darlin’,” I murmur softly into the soft skin of her temple as I run a hand down her back, “Wake up darlin’, it’s just a dream.”

She snaps awake with a sharp inhale, “Jasper?” Y/n asks, “You’re still here?”

“I’m here, do you want to talk about your dream?” I ask while I hook some loose strands of hair that escaped her bun behind her ear.

“Doesn’t matter now, you’re here.” She replies, her hands roaming my chest like she’s trying to convince herself of her own words.

God I’m so stupid for leaving this girl.

“Let me… Let me go take a shower so I can feel like myself again. You…?” Her question drifts off like she’s afraid to ask me to stay, like it isn’t her right to make demands like that.

“I’ll be here when you get out sweetheart, take as long as you need.” I end my reassurance with a kiss to her forehead, I can’t get enough of touching her again.

“Okay.” She whispers as she peels herself from where her body is intertwined with mine. I’m not used to the intimacy, but I’m more than happy to oblige my girl.

My girl.

That would require me to make her my girl. Require me to talk about my feelings for her, to make up for my horrible actions, for leaving her alone when she needed me.

I watch her shuffle around her room gathering clean clothes to wear for the night as I scoot back on her bed to lean against the headboard, hands folding in my lap content to just observe. The organization of her room only known to her as she picks up and discards articles of clothing that don’t satisfy her.

I lean forward from my resting place against her headboard and reach a hand back to grab the collar of my hoodie to remove it. As I’m yanking it off, my cotton T rides up flashing her a view of my stomach and I know she catches it based on the change of her scent.

A smirk graces my lips as I extend my hoodie towards her, “Here, sweetheart.”

Stunned eyes blink back up to my face as nervous hands grasp my jacket, “Thank you.” Whispered quickly from her lips.

Once she has what she needs, she pauses in the doorway to the hall, turning back to look at me.

“Go, before I’m tempted to undress you myself.” I smirk at the blush that dusts her cheeks, having reached my goal of bringing color back to her beautiful face. Effectively flustered, she rushes down the hall to her bathroom.

Reader

Wiping the condensation from the mirror, I grimace at the reflection. When did I start to permanently look tired? I let out a huff and check the time on my phone, I slept less than an hour in his arms. Not bothering to blow dry my hair, I ditch my dirty clothes in the hamper and walk back to my room.

Jasper’s eyes immediately find mine, “What’s wrong doll?” He asks, definitely having heard me fuss over my reflection in the bathroom.

“I’m just… still tired.” I offer as I turn to hang up the towel I used for my hair on the back of my door.

“C’mere.” He slides back down the bed from his position at the headboard and opens the blankets for me

I climb back into bed and scoot close to him, my forehead inches from his as I gaze into his dark eyes. I half expected him to be a figment of my imagination when I returned from my shower. We don’t say anything to each other, but it’s like he can’t keep his hands to himself and it’s new, but also not at the same time. Don’t get me wrong I absolutely love it and I can’t stop touching him either, but it’s different now-I’ve gone so long without him.

“Jasper?” I whisper into the quiet of my room.

“Yes sweetheart?” He responds, halting the hand drawing circles on my arm.

“What are we doing?” I wonder out loud, unable to continue this limbo with him, my nerves shot to hell.

“Well,” he leans in, one hand moving to cup the back of my head, “I’d like to…” his nose bumps mine and I can’t breathe. He’s going to kiss me, Jasper Hale is going to-

Right when I feel his lips ghost mine, his phone rings, ruining the peaceful moment. With a groan and a clench of his jaw, he turns to grab his phone from my nightstand, Alice’s name flashing on the screen.

“This better be important.” He says by the way of a greeting to his adopted sister, as he’s staring at me with those pitch-black eyes. There’s hunger there and I’m not entirely sure it’s for blood this time, I shiver and he catches the movement immediately.

“Mary Alice-“ he manages to force her full name from a clenched jaw.

“Yes-yes I know, I’m sorry, but it’s Edward.” She proceeds to launch into an explanation as he sits up, concern taking over his features as I overhear Alice explain their situation in Volterre.

Wait-Volterre as in Europe? Are Alice and Bella in Europe? What’s wrong with Edward?

Jasper turns to give me a reassuring half-smile, sensing the turn in my emotions.

Shortly the call with Alice ends and he turns to me fully, “What’s going on?” I question before he can manage an explanation.

“I chose to come home the same time Alice came to check on Isabella, after you two decided to do some… recreational cliff diving at the reservation and Alice couldn’t see the outcome. I decided to come with her because I had to see you with my own eyes, the opportunity to see you again was something I couldn’t pass up anymore.” He began, looking down at his hands nervously. “Edward… He called Bella’s home phone requesting to speak to her father and Jacob answered. Informed him that Charlie was planning a funeral, but didn’t mention that it was for Harry Clearwater. So now… now he’s in Volterre asking for death from The Voltouri.”

“Who are the Voltouri?” I asked, worry creeping in for Edward. “Why would he ask them for such a thing?”

His eyes meet mine, soft even though his hunger shines clear. “Darlin’, he thinks Bella is dead. The Voltouri are the governing body to our vampire race. They’re judge, jury, and executioner rolled into one, full of very powerful beings.”

“Okay, but clearly she’s alive! And on her way to meet him, why would he want to die?” I press him harder, worried for my friends.

“He isn't answering his phone, his mind has been made up, which is why Alice is racing the clock to get to him. Isabella is his singer, honey-“ his hands reach for mine as I interrupt him.

“Singer? What in the world is that?” I demand, my patience thinning at the anxiety of the situation.

“A blood singer is a vampire’s greatest temptation,” he begins, now unable to meet my questioning gaze, looking at our intertwined fingers instead. “They’re blood sings, or in other words, is irresistible perfection for their vampire. In some cases they are the potential mate for the vampire. A singer isn’t like that for all vampires, usually just for the one. A life without them is extremely dull in comparison once you’ve found them.” He concludes.

“Sounds like you’re familiar with the feeling,” I mumble self-consciously. “Have you had a singer?”

The sharp exhale he forces out snaps my eyes to his. “Yes.” He answers truthfully.

“Oh…” My heart sinking, I try to pull my hands from his but he holds tight. “That’s-“

“You, darlin’.” He states matter of factly, one of his fingers lifting my chin, so that he could find my eyes. “You are that for me.”

“I-I’m your singer?” Disbelief and awe seep into my tone.

Jasper’s fingers drift down my neck following the path of my pulse, his dark gaze following their trail. “Yes Y/n, you’re mine.”

I shiver at the pure possession in his voice and the dangerous glint in his eyes. I wonder if he knows how that sounded, like there was no room for negotiation - like it’s more than my blood he wants.

“Honey, you keep those thoughts up and we’re in trouble.” He grinds out, a war raging behind his eyes.

“Jasper…” I trail off as I climb over the remaining space separating us and into his lap, like a magnet drawn to its counterpart.

“Does this mean we’re… Mates?” I ask, not really sure of what that implies.

“Yes,” Jasper takes a moment to seemingly gather his thoughts, “you need to tread very lightly, little one.” His voice a deep vibration in the quiet room, his hands flexing on the comforter of my bed.

“Oh my god, you haven’t eaten and I-“ I stutter out as I rise from my position in his lap. I’m his fucking singer and I’m pushing his limits while he’s hungry!

“Now that you know everything… I need to hunt. I think I’ve tested all the patience and luck I’m going to get today.” He states with his black eyes still locked on mine.

I leaned against my dresser a few feet in front of him and fold my arms over my chest, a little insecure under his intense gaze now that his proximity isn’t overriding my rational thoughts.

“Go, go hunt. But please, come back to me?” I ask him.

He rises from the edge of my bed, slowly closing the gap and resting a hand on my cheek softly. I lean into it, closing my eyes and turning to press a kiss to it before meeting his eyes again. His lips part as if he wasn’t expecting that kind of reaction, “I’m yours now - have always been, but now I know I don’t have the strength to do that again, to abandon you.” He reassures my fears quickly. “It’ll be a few days, to properly prepare myself, but I promise you’re my first stop when I’m back.”

“I’ll hold you to that, Hale.” Feeling better about him leaving now that I have his word. Jasper leans down to place a lingering kiss to my forehead, his cool lips feeling like heaven on my heated skin.

“Be safe while I’m gone, please.” He whispers into my hair, his thumb sweeping my cheek back and forth adoringly. I nod since my throat feels like I’ve swallowed cotton, sad that I’m forced to be without him for a few days after just getting him back.

He steps away from me toward my open window, where the cool spring air drifts in. Glancing back for one last look before making his exit, I catch his eyes scanning every inch of my body.

He’s out of the window in the next fraction of a second, not even a whisper of footsteps in his wake. I wrap myself a little tighter in his hoodie, his intoxicating scent soothing the ache that’s beginning to return, reminding me he’s here.

He’s home, Jasper Hale came home to me.

Taglist Part 1:

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#redamancy series #bless-my-demons #jasper hale x reader #jasper hale fanfiction #jasper hale x female!reader #twilight fanfiction #jasper whitlock hale #jasper hale #twilight #female reader insert

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lucy90712 · 9 months

Note

I heard requests so here I am. Bare with me this might not make sense. So readergf! x Jude Bellingham. Readergf! used to have a situationship with pedri until he told her he didn’t want anything serious. Fast forward to the Clasico she’s in the tunnels wishing Jude luck (obvi with a kiss) & before she goes to her seats, Jude yells to her “I love you” which makes Pedri whisper something to Gavi. Later in the game there’s a scuffle between Pedri & Jude bc Gavi tackled him but in his eyes, he’s just being a good friend. This then gets brought down in the tunnels when Jude is just trying to leave the match, gf tells pedri she’s with a real man which makes Jude fall more in love with her. I hate to make pedri & gavi look like this but I love Jude 😩

WC: 2.5k El Classico is always a big event as the rivalry between Real Madrid and Barcelona runs deep and has been going on for many years. Tonight will be my first time going to a Classico which is nerve wracking in itself but it is made so much worse by the choices I've made over the last year or so. Last year I was in a situationship so to say with Pedri, I really liked him and wanted to enter into a proper committed relationship with him but that's not what he wanted. He wasn't ready for a committed relationship and I wasn't willing to wait because as much as it hurt to let him go I couldn't be sure that Pedri would ever be ready or that when he was he'd want to be with me. The 'break up' was hard on me as I really did have feelings for Pedri and thought he could be the one for me but clearly it wasn't meant to be.

A few months after calling things off with Pedri my friends made me come away with them on a girls trip to Germany. At the time I was really against it but now I can't imagine what my life would be like if I hadn't gone on that trip. While we were there I met a guy at a club we went to he bought me a few drinks and we talked all night. We exchanged phone numbers before we both went home but I thought I'd never hear from him again. To my surprise he actually text me the next day and wanted to take me out before I went home. To start with I was a bit hesitant as after leaving the club my friends told me that I was talking to Jude Bellingham another footballer and I wasn't sure if I was ready to date another one. After some convincing I went on the date and I'm so glad I did Jude was so sweet and he made me change my thoughts on love completely.

Nearly a year later and Jude and I have been together for 10 months. I've never been happier than I have been in the last 10 months Jude is the best boyfriend and he treats me so well I couldn't ask for anything more. Over the summer Jude moved teams so now he plays for Real Madrid which has been great for our relationship as it has meant that we can be closer to each other as I moved there after my breakup with Pedri. I hadn't thought too much about the consequences of Jude's move until I was reminded about el Classico. Jude knows about my relationship with Pedri so when he asked if I wanted to go to the game he made it clear that if I didn't want to go he wouldn't mind but I know I have to get over everything someday and I want to support Jude so I decided to go. It will be my first time seeing Pedri since everything ended but Jude has reassured me that everything will be fine.

Jude left for the game with the team early this morning leaving me to find my own way there as I can't go with the team at least not on the way there. Instead of driving the 5 hours from Madrid to Barcelona I am getting the train as it's quicker and a lot cheaper than flying or paying for fuel. On the train I was going to get on with some work or do a bit of reading to pass the time but instead I found myself spending far too much time thinking about the game. I couldn't stop thinking about what it would be like to see Pedri again after so long and what he might think if he sees me with Jude. I also worried about what might happen on the pitch I know it's usually an intense match and I don't want anything to happen to Jude out there.

By the time I arrived in Barcelona it wasn't long until the match was due to start so I quickly made my way to the hotel I booked for the night as there are no trains back until the morning. I just about had time to freshen up a bit and change into my Bellingham shirt which Jude gave me especially for this game even though I already own quite a few. There wasn't time for me to do much else so I quickly brushed my hair and left the hotel to make my way to the stadium. It took a bit longer to get there than I'm used to as Barcelona aren't playing at camp nou at the moment but I still made it with a good amount of time until the match.

As I arrived I text Jude to let him know I arrived safely because he made me promise to do so before he left this morning. Typically just after I made it to my seat he text me back and told me to come and see him before the warm up. I didn't particularly know where I was going but eventually I found my way down the tunnel and to Jude who was waiting for me outside the locker room. As soon as he saw me coming he opened his arms so that he was ready to engulf me in a hug as soon as I was within his reach. Jude hugged me so tightly that my feet came off the floor for a few seconds which I didn't expect but I should've as Jude always gives the best hugs. When he put me down he kept his arms around me while looking down at me with a big smile on his face.

"Thank you for coming here I know you were nervous but having you here means the world to me" he said

"You don't don't need to thank me I wanted to be here I'm not going to let the past get in the way of me being here for you" I said

"I can't believe it's my first proper el Classico" Jude said

"I know please be careful out there though things can get pretty feisty and I don't want you getting hurt" I warmed him

"I promise I'll be careful you don't have to worry about me" he said

"I always worry about you" I said

"Well don't" he laughed

Our conversation had to come to an end quite quickly as it was time for warm up but Jude being Jude couldn't leave me without pulling me in for a kiss. He gave me one kiss before I pulled him back in to give him a good luck kiss. Vini came out of the locker room just as we pulled away from each other so Jude told him to wait as he bid me goodbye and slapped my ass as he left which if I could've I would have told him off for. As I turned round to head back to my seat I saw Pedri coming towards me. I felt all of the blood drain from my face as he definitely saw me and Jude together. Even though I said I didn't want the past go get in the way of me coming here that didn't mean I wouldn't be thinking about it and panicking when I saw Pedri. I'm not sure why seeing him made me so anxious but it did it also brought back a lot of memories especially of the heartbreak the man just down the corridor caused me. I was frozen to the spot but as Pedri walked past he smiled at me so I weakly smiled back.

By the time I made it to my seat I was glad it was just the warm up as I needed a few minutes to gather my thoughts but that's all I had as time seemed to disappear in seconds and before I knew it the match was starting. Barcelona scored early on but apart from that the first half was relatively uneventful there was a few bad tackles here and there but nothing crazy. The second half came around quickly though and about 15 minutes in Jude scored to make it level. Watching him score in el Classico and dedicate his goal to me filled me with an overwhelming sense of pride. I thought nothing could wipe the smile off my face until a few minutes later Gavi tackled Jude and before I knew it he was face to face with Pedri clearly arguing. As much as it could've been about anything instantly I was worried that Pedri had said something or was mad as Jude had dedicated his goal to me. They were pulled apart and the game went on with Jude scoring yet another goal to give Madrid the win in the end.

While the team were celebrating I stayed in the stands to watch but once they started heading down the tunnel I slowly made my way there so I could meet Jude after he was ready so we could celebrate together. I knew I would be waiting a while so I looked at my phone while I stood there reading all of the tweets about the game and how well Jude played which put a big smile on my face. As I was stood there a lot of people walked back and forth and there was a lot of noise but I drowned it all out until I heard a familiar voice calling my name. Straight away I knew it was Pedri but I was still hoping that when I looked up someone else would be stood there but of course that didn't happen. There he was stood just a few feet in front of me with that smile that reminded me of our early days together when we were both having fun getting to know each other. Somehow being face to face with him wasn't quite as nerve wracking as I thought it would be sure I was a little anxious as to what he was going to say but I didn't feel like the world was going to end.

"Hey it's been a while how have you been?" He asked

"I've been good how have you been?" I asked

"Yeah I've been good what brings you to the match?" He asked getting straight to the point

"I'm here to support Jude I met him a while back and we've been together for nearly a year now" I said telling him the truth

"I'm happy for you" he muttered

"Look I know you have a new boyfriend now but I have to say I'm sorry for how I ended things it wasn't right for me to lead you on for that long and I really regret it you are such an amazing girl and I regret letting you go the way I did" he admitted

"It's ok it hurt at the time but I'm over it now you did what was best for you and that's ok" I said

"Does Jude make you happy?" He asked

"He does he's really sweet and supportive and we're always on the same page overall we have a really healthy relationship" I said

"I'm glad you're happy but I'm sorry I couldn't be the one to make you feel that way" he said

"We just weren't meant to be you'll find your person one day Pedri and you can be just as happy as I am and you deserve it too" I said

He unexpectedly gave me a hug before leaving probably to head home. For a few seconds I was drowning in my own thoughts which had clearly all be pushed to the back of my mind during my conversation with Pedri. Once I had my thoughts under control I felt so much better it was as if talking to him finally gave me a sense of closure. We were able to talk about what happened without emotions clouding our judgement or trying to be petty to get back at each other it was just a normal adult conversation. It was nice to hear him apologise and acknowledge that he didn't go about things in the best way as it sort of validated my feelings at the time. As much as Pedri caused me pain I don't hate him he's still a lovely person so as much as we weren't meant to be that doesn't mean he doesn't deserve a healthy relationship and I hope he knows that after our conversation.

Just a few minutes later Jude finally came out of the locker room of course with a big smile on his face. I always love seeing him all happy after a win just his smile always brightens my day which I thought I'd need today but I'm actually ok. Jude hugged me and gave me a quick kiss before rambling on about the game like I wasn't sat watching it which he always does but I find it endearing. As he talked he kept remembering more things he wanted to tell me so we spent a good while stood in the corridor outside the locker rooms talking, well he was talking at me. Eventually he stopped talking but not before he told me he was allowed to stay the night here with me instead of going back so we got to head to my hotel together. Once we were in a taxi to the hotel Jude finally allowed me to get a word into the conversation.

"Did you enjoy the game?" He asked

"Yeah it was great you played so well I'm so proud of you" I said

"I'm sorry I made you wait so long we were all celebrating and I just couldn't leave nothing happened while I was gone did it?" He asked

"I did see Pedri we had a good conversation actually he apologised for treating me the way he did and I told him I'm happy with you now which he seemed to accept it felt good to talk to him I feel like that part of my life is completely over now" I said

"That's good I'm glad you got closure on that chapter of your life" he said

"I have to ask though what were you arguing about on the pitch?" I questioned

"Oh it was nothing he was standing up for Gavi saying there was nothing wrong with his challenge but I disagreed nothing major I had a quick word with him after the game and all is good" he explained

"Good I'm glad everyone can all get along now" I said

By the time we made it to the hotel both of us were exhausted so we got straight into bed and went to sleep. I was actually able to get off to sleep really easily as unlike the last few days my mind was at rest there was no more anxiety or worry everything finally feels perfect.

#jude bellingham x reader #jude bellingham imagines #jude bellingham imagine #jude bellingham #football imagine

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ev3rgreenxtrees · 7 months

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could u do another trans!male reader x nick fic where they've been dating a while and they get ready to have sex for the first time and the reader is all nervous and scared that nick won't like what he sees bc he isn't cis

“First For Everything.”

-N.S

Synopsis: Nick and you have been dating for six months, but you haven’t had sex yet. One night, you decide you’re ready, but then you begin to have second thoughts.

Pairing: Nick Sturniolo X Trans!reader (he/him)

Warnings: Mentions of smut, internalized transphobia, panic, anxiety, makeout, and i think thats it!

Nick and you have been dating for about six months now, and you haven’t had sex. You’ve come close a few times, but you backed out.

Every. Single. Time.

He was more than willing to wait for you, and go at your pace, but you had an underlying feeling that you were holding him back. You would never intentionally hold him back, though. You love him, you can’t hold someone you love back.

Nick held you in his lap, his hands on your hips, your lips attached to one-another. His tongue roamed your mouth, as your hands cupped his jaw.

This is what you were used to. This is what you are okay with. You know Nick would never want to push you into doing anything without your full willingness. He cared about you, and like any person who cares about you would do, he waited until you were ready.

You felt ready.

You took initiative to push yourself down on his lap harsher than how you were previously positioned, and you rolled your hips.

Nick quickly groaned, before pulling away from the kiss, giving you a confused look.

“Baby, what’s going on?” He asked confused, his hands not leaving my hips, but instead gripping them tighter, halting my movements.

“I.. I think i’m ready.” You nodded, and leaned back in to kiss him, but your lips were met with nothing besides the hot air in between the two of you. “Nick..?” You tilted your head, pulling away, your cheeks red from embarrassment.

“Y/N, I don’t want to rush you into anything like this. At all. That would never be my intention. Are you positive you’re ready? I can wait longer. I would much rather wait until we die than have you be uncomfortable.” Nick reassured, and you rolled your eyes.

“Nick, I do. I know you want this-“ You started, before Nick cut you off.

“No. This isn’t about me, okay? This is about you and me. We can go at your pace.” He smiled, and you leaned forwards, pressing your lips to his.

“I’m ready.” You spoke softly against his lips, that molded perfectly together with yours.

Nick loosened his grip on your hips, but kept his hands there. Your hands slid down to his shoulders, as he deepened the kiss.

You let out a small moan as you felt his hands begin to trace gentle circles on your skin. You felt Nick smirk against your lips. You so wanted to pull away and yell at him for being cocky, but you wanted this moment to last.

You let your hands slide down his body, to the hem of his black tank-top, tugging at it gently, indicating that you wanted it off.

You had gotten top surgery, but not bottom surgery yet. Nick knows, but this thought lingers in the back of your mind. He’s a gay man- he should be with another cis guy. Not you.

Nick throws off his shirt, and moves his hands up slightly, and begins to lift yours up. Your hands fly to his wrists, and he immediately stops and looks at you, worry in his eyes.

“I’m sorry- i’m moving too fast. I’ll slow down, i’m so so sorr-“ Nick started.

“I don’t think I want to do this.. I.. I’m sorry, Nick. I know you really wanted to.. I just… I’m not cis. you deserve to be with someone cis- not me.” You sighed in frustration, letting your head fall onto his bare chest.

“Hey, no. Please don’t be sorry. It’s okay. It’s more than okay. Trust me. This isn’t about what I want, okay? This is about us. And I’d never choose someone over you just because you’re not cis. You’re still a boy, Y/N. Nothing will change that. I love you so very much. Theres a first time for everything, and it’s okay if now’s not the time. There’ll be other times.” Nick moves his hands to your back, embracing you in a tight hug, placing a small kiss to the top of your head.

“Thank you. I love you.” You state, and he nods.

“I love you too. And don’t thank me.”

@bernardenjoyer @lovely-calypso

#sturniolo triplets #chris sturniolo #matt sturniolo #nick sturniolo #fanfic #christopher sturniolo #fluff #nicolas sturniolo #sturniolo fanfic #angst

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thecraftymagician · 1 year

Note

Hi there! Arcana brainrot has had me in a chokehold recently, so I wanted to ask: How do you think the m6 would react to the reader's family being racist and/or misogynistic? I've been getting into conflict with my parents on stuff like that a lot recently (especially the misogyny bc even tho I'm a guy, I'm trans, so comments like that are directed towards me a lot) and the idea of my blorbos putting them in their place makes me happy. I completely understand if your not comfortable with it tho

First off, I am so sorry you're going through this. The society we live in right now is utter insanity and it's extremely unfair especially when those who are meant to love and care for us most not only refuse but do the exact opposite. Sincerely, I just want to talk to them at a waffle house. I.. just wanna talk. I completely understand what you're going through and I am here for you, Anon!!! (This is one of those ones where there is bleed-through. All of the M6 have trouble understanding how your family can be so different from you and desperately want to take care of you. I just worded it a bit differently for each and may have left that out a bit for a few, but I assure you it is a given. Your comfort characters love you very much and want what's best for you!!)

Warnings & Clarifications: For everyone's safety, comfort, and wellbeing I will not be going into the specifics of the topics mentioned. At most there will be hints of what may have been said by Reader's family and/or friends. TW: Implied R*cism, Implied H*m*phobia, Implied M*sogyny, Implied B*gotry, Implied etc.

M6 w/ Apprentice's Hateful Family:

Asra 💜

(Directed at them by the family)

They freeze and there's a brief silence before their eyes narrow as they ask for clarification. Did they.. really just say that?

Depending on the response they may have the patience to attempt to put the family in their place with respect for you but they have no qualms about just grabbing your hand and walking away.

They're confused and hurt but know that it's not your fault in the slightest. They are their own people and adults at that who unfortunately made awful choices outside of having you as a child. Even so, how far the golden apple fell from such a rotten tree is astonishing in the best possible way and they are truly grateful.

They will try not to let it get to them but will still confide in you with reassurance that it's not your fault and they don't see you any differently.

(Directed at reader by the family)

Instantly their hand is holding yours firmly, jaw clenched and eyes narrowed.

Through gritted teeth they let the family know that it is time they leave. Any protest from them is met with a glow of purple irises as Asra readies a spell, though they're not sure exactly what.

As soon as they're able, they get you as far away from your family as they can and somewhere comfortable. Immediately they check in on you and get anything you might need, even if it's just a big long hug.

They can't begin to imagine what it was like living in the household but they know it was difficult for you and they want to be there for you as much as possible.

Nadia 💖

(Directed at her by the family)

Her shock lasts milliseconds before morphing into her signature scowl. "I beg your pardon." It is not a question or a suggestion.

If they have the gaul to continue, she allows herself to interrupt and cut them off. In no uncertain terms she all but tells them to go to hell in a hand-basket in the most eloquent way that one may even look forward to the journey.

She will attempt to continue the meeting for your sake but if they refuse to play nice or have made you uncomfortable they are asked to take their leave, even if it's not at the palace. Surely the display in public would send them off, tails between their legs.

Unfortunately, this isn't the first time she's dealt with something like this and she suspects it will be far from the last. It doesn't affect her as much as it used to, the worst of it being from your family and them embarrassing you in the process. She will also confide in you but make sure you do not worry about her as you are her main concern.

(Directed at reader by the family)

The air shifts instantly with palpable tension. For a brief moment, Nadia composes herself to address you directly, placing a tender kiss on your hand. "My dear, would you mind if I spoke to your.. family.. alone?"

Once she's certain you are safe and out of the room, the doors are shut. Her glare is enough to turn them to stone where they stand as she rips into them. Her words are far from pretty but she couldn't care less.

She makes it well known your place in her life and how she would spare nothing to keep you safe and happy.. even if that be exile, among other things.

After their departure, she finds you immediately and does whatever you require whether that's a hug, a good cry in her arms, talking, or ignoring the whole thing for now. She reassures you of your safety and makes sure you smile once more.

Julian 🖤

(Directed at him by the family)

It takes a moment for what they said to hit him. He blinks owlishly at them as he tries to wrap his mind around it and the complete contrast to you. He might ask for clarification out of.. respect.

When they continue his shock turns to a stern, calm anger. "..I see." He enlightens them with the fact that he owes them nothing nor anyone else for that matter, something you taught him. If they have a problem, that is awful for them plain and simple.

If they continue he will excuse you both curtly before escorting you away from them. He's still calm but silent. He's hurt because it's your family but what he said is true. What you and his own friends/family think of him matters more than anything else.

Even so he may need some reassurance. He might know all of that but he still struggles with his insecurities. He wants to make sure he did right by you in case you want your family in your life still.

(Directed at reader by the family)

His eyes narrow as he pulls you behind him, putting himself between you and your family. With his jaw clenched, his words flow with venom and purpose.

He's not above berating anyone no matter the time or place for hurting you but he'd rather not have a physical fight with them if he doesn't have to.

As soon as he's finished lashing out at them he turns on his heel and guides you away, holding you in his coat so they don't see you and vice versa.

As soon as you are somewhere safe, he frets over you and makes sure you are okay. He will try to distract you first to take your mind off it unless you want to talk immediately. If there is anything he can do for you, it will be done.

Muriel 💚

(Directed at him by the family)

While he's been used to harsh words, it is different for him coming from your family. He knows that you don't reflect their words and vice versa in the moment. Even so, he doesn't feel the need to respond with words.

Instead his initial shock melts into an intense glare, allowing the heavy silence.. and his intimidating presence.. to do the work for him. Needless to say, they do not continue.

In any case, they've said enough so he gently takes your hand and walks away from them. He will remain silent for a while before he feels comfortable saying anything.

It's weird that you could be so different from them but he's very glad of it. In another aspect, you make him feel safe, secure and loved. He couldn't be more grateful, even if he has trouble showing that sometimes.

(Directed at you by the family)

He has already taken a few steps forward into their space before they finish their sentence, eyes boring down into them. With all his rage, he can only think of one thing to say. "Leave."

They likely do as he says without a second thought. Scaring people off isn't something he's too keen on now but it needed to be done for your sake.

He'll collect himself as quickly as he can so he's able to tend to you, taking you elsewhere if needed.

It might be difficult for him to articulate the care he wants to convey to you, his bear hugs say plenty.

Portia 🧡

(Directed at her by the family)

She physically takes a step back at first before she squares her shoulders and looks them dead in the eye, letting them have it. Unfortunately, she knows a thing or two about belittling and bullying but lucky for her they aren't Nadia's guests. Even if they were she knows there's no way she'd get into any trouble for her actions.

She's not afraid to walk closer into their space and point/poke at them as she verbally lays into them. Her language is a bit less colorful than her brother's but she's not going to play nice unless she has to. They've certainly lost her respect currently and are undeserving of it.

If they try to continue she will talk over them, continuing to roast them until she's finished. She'll tell them off one last time with a huff before taking your hand in hers and leaving them.

She might vent about it more but she knows it's not your fault and makes sure you don't worry about it. They're their own people and they just so happen to suck but clearly, that has nothing on you.

(Directed at you by the family)

Before they can finish their sentence, she's cut them off, marching forward to get in their face. She readies a punch but stops herself short.

She's not afraid to throw one or hurt them but she is afraid of hurting you further. Even though their flinch was satisfying, she takes in a breath before taking a step back. "You're not even worth it."

Returning to you, she wraps an arm around your shoulder protectively before turning to them over her shoulder to tell them how awful they are in comparison to you. It's shameful of them.

She takes you to a safe space all the while asking if you're alright and if there's anything she can do right now to help. She feels guilty about being so intense but she just can't stand anyone speaking to or about you that way, especially those who should love you.

Lucio 💝

(Directed at him by the family)

His first instinct is to scoff at them. Clearly, they don't know him or anything about him to have that kind of blatant audacity.

He quickly lets them know as such, insulting them verbally each time they attempt to cut him off. All the while he takes slow deliberate steps toward them, putting himself between you.

The rant is ended with the fact that even if they had the decency to apologize he couldn't bring himself to accept it. They should, however, apologize to you because a slight on his honor is a slight on yours but he's sure they've already said enough.

He escorts you away, having said his peace, and takes you somewhere with a nicer atmosphere. Sure he is a bit hurt that your family could say such things but he himself knows a thing or two about rough families. He knows you don't think that way and that's all that really matters to him.

(Directed at you by the family)

"Excuse me?" before they can respond he has closed the difference between them, hand on the hilt of his sword.

When he speaks, his voice is barely above a whisper but judging by their faces.. it wasn't the most pleasant. They back away from each other and his eyes pierce through them as he grins.

When he makes his way back to you, his gaze softens as he guides you away to safety. He holds your hand, explaining later that he was fighting every urge to not turn back around and start a fight to defend you. But.. if you did want that later, he absolutely would.

As much as he's still livid, he's able to put it aside, for now, to take care of you. Anything you need, anything he can do for you; name it and it is yours.

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slamminslamminmcgill · 1 year

Note

k not to be a whore on main but something something the weather is really fucking hot and its uncomfortable to sleep in anything other than like. a pair of shorts. something something lalo sees u and bbg its fucking OVER for u.

or or or uhhhh this ones more self indulgent bc ive got a disgusting case of praise kink with an added dose of touch starved, big r.i.p if its not ur jam, but lalo coaxing and reassuring you to let go, you're so tired and sweaty and vulnerable, he'd hold you close bro like he just would, bonus points if its after going at it hard.

ok and last one i promise but dont tell me that man wouldnt get drunk with you at a bar and then fuck you in an alleyway on the way home. thank u and i hope ur doing well. hope this is what u meant by prompts.

HI THESE ARE ALL RLY GOOD BUT THE LAST ONE???? BRAIN DAMAGE

warning: intox (alcohol)

Lalo wanted to take you out for drinks, and he spared no expense. He took you to some ritzy lounge that felt way above your pay grade. You'd commented on how expensive the drinks were, but he told you not to look at the prices. Get whatever you like, whatever sounded good. He'd take care of you. He always did, much to your annoyance sometimes.

You were slumped against him in a red leather booth, one arm draping over his shoulders, the other one "subtly" palming his cock through his pants as you begged him for another round. His next words broke you.

"I think you've had enough, chiquito."

"What?! N-No..." You whined, pathetically, before clearing your throat and trying to sound less desperate. "Haha... I mean... Nah, man, c'mon... I'm good. I'm so good. I can take it." You squeezed his bulge and leaned in even closer, your hot breath against his ear smelling like pineapple and kidney damage. "I can take a lot, you know..."

Lalo chuckled and shook his head. "Can you even stand up by yourself?"

"Pshhh, absolutely!" You scoffed and peeled yourself off of him. Lalo stepped out of the booth to let you out. You scooted across the seat, turned forward, and stood up. Predictably, you stumbled, and grabbed on to Lalo's shirt for balance.

Lalo sighed warmly, enamored by how silly you got when you were intoxicated. You were so cute. So helpless. "Yep. That's what I thought. C'mon, we're getting out of here." He fished for his wallet and left a substantial wad of cash on the table. His arm hooked around your waist as he walked you out of the bar.

You were drunk, yes, but not too drunk to know the way home. When he made a sharp left as soon as you walked past the bar, you were confused. Why was he taking you into a dark alley? "Hey... We don't live here..."

"I know, mijo. But don't worry." In a flash, he whipped his body around and shoved you against the brick wall. His lips were on your neck, draining you of what little inhibition you had left, and his hands were already sneaking down your pants. "You said you could take a lot, right?"

#narc69 #ask #bcs #better call saul #better call saul x reader #bcs x reader #better call saul smut #better call saul imagine #better call saul headcanons #better call saul hcs #lalo salamanca #lalo salamanca smut #lalo salamanca x reader #lalo salamanca headcanons #lalo salamanca imagine #lalo salamanca hcs #intox kink

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lover-of-mine · 6 months

Note

I want a long buddie talk where they like talk about everything & obviously for Buck to acknowledge & apologize for his behavior & reassurances of their place in each other's lives but also I want Eddie getting to share like why the friendship with Tommy has been so nice like all the stuff they have in common & how that doesn't take away from his friendship with Buck it's just another good thing in his life & how he was so happy that the three of them hanging out & he feels bad he missed it bc he's Eddie so ofc he does but Buck is like I should've communicated better & didn't realize what it meant for Eddie & it overall brings them closer but also I want Buck to have a like "oh shit" moment like idk he wants Eddie to have good things & he got so in his own head & his own feelings he almost sabotaged something that makes Eddie so happy & hurt him physically over it that now he has to really grapple with his abandonment/insecurity issues bc that's not the kind of friend he wants to be & if he believes when Eddie says he's important to him then he really needs to work on that (which as someone with similar issues it's hard but it's still on him to work on yk) & maybe Buck will go back to o therapy but also him being extra cautious or worried bc he doesn't want to ruin Eddie & Tommy's friendship going forward but he wants to explore this thing with Tommy & it's messy & weird & complicated & yeah I definitely want an eventual realization that he really wants Eddie but there's potential for so much growth before we get there & him finally being able to be secure in himself and his relationships & as for Eddie getting to keep & enjoy all his good things but not being jealous per se more unsure? Like Tommy seems content to keep being friends & if Buck is like no this is good you deserve to have this friendship no matter what & Eddie is like great but also not sure how this new dynamic works & I love the whole thinking he's homophobic but it only really makes him uncomfortable in regards to Buck (like maybe he already knew this about Tommy & was so chill about it but now it's Buck & he's like wait what ????) and yeah idk sorry for rambling in your inbox but my 911 friend hasn't seen it yet & I'm just feeling a lot of things but I kinda like Tommy & he was so gentle with Buck & I love the idea of him being eventually like helping buddie along too (imagine the 3 of them & Chris hanging out with Tommy & Chris looking at each other like "you seeing this" & then being like we're going to the movies so you two can talk or make out or whatever about this lol) & like staying their friend bc it is so important to have lives outside of each other it's so healthy & makes a good relationship stronger I think so I'd love love love Buddie being canon & Eddie still doing the weekly thing but Buck is able to just like kiss him & hope he has a great time & mean it? and it'd be great if he could get there before they get together & be genuinely okay about it (but realizing the ache is bc he wants to be with Eddie & yeah) and they're able to actually build their relationship from there? Idk if I'm making any sense but yeah sorry hope this is okay????

Hi!! I strongly agree with what you're saying, except for the part of Eddie having problems with Buck dating Tommy. I feel like with the whole Buck was jealous of Tommy with Eddie, if you make Eddie jealous of Tommy with Buck, it would be boring, too fanfictiony. And that could create problems in the friendship Eddie and Tommy have going and I want Eddie to be able to keep that SO BAD. He was SO HAPPY. Doing these things with Tommy was great for him and the idea of anything getting in the way of that because of the Bucktommy of it all makes me so mad. Buck and Eddie need lives outside of each other, and outside the 118, and like, even s6 there's the joke that Eddie only has Carla to talk about, so to take that away from Eddie because Tommy is now Buck's boyfriend would be tragic. Like, what do you mean Eddie made a friend, his best friend freaked out, actually hurt him, started dating his friend and now he lost the first because of it? I would lose my shit. Then I would actually hope Eddie has problems with the relationship and calls everyone out on their bullshit because making Eddie the middle man and then pushing him aside would be cruel. Especially if Buck is going to be weird with Eddie because of the date, because then the only information he's gonna have is that Buck freaked out on him, hurt him, is now hanging out with Tommy, and being weird with him, he would have every right to get mad about it. I do hope they keep the individual relationships buddie has with Tommy, I think they would both benefit from it and I'm interested to see how Tommy could work when applied to the buddie of it all, even more considering the way Tommy seems to even have a relationship with Chris, like, I hope there some plan on at least keeping the mention of Tommy, especially if Tommy and Eddie were hanging out that much. But yeah, Buck and Eddie need to have a very deep conversation about what happened that also gets to Buck realizing that Tommy is someone who was good to Eddie and apologizing for it all. They need a conversation where they establish that while they do know each other very well, they are not in each other's minds and sometimes they won't understand why they are acting some sort of way AND THEN LEARN TO COMMUNICATE. Honestly, I might actually start screaming if they actually have an open conversation. Like, legit, scream. They don't talk about their relationship and need to. If they go there and talk about this, and promise to start doing it and actually following through, they are there to make the change in their relationship. That's the thing that needs to be addressed, their lack of communication, if they do, it's game over, even more with Buck knowing he's bi now? Buck realizing he likes men, stopping to think about what he actually wants, having an honest conversation with Eddie and being like "oh, this is what I want"???? Hello????? I would DIE. But yeah, I'm currently carefully eyeing Tommy to see how they'll handle him when it comes to both Buck and Eddie. I do love how gentle he is with Buck. Don't love the way he was ready to excuse Buck's behavior. So I have complicated feelings. I am waiting for the next episode to settle into anything really. But I'm interested in where it's going.

#im so curious about the loft conversation #like SO CURIOUS #but yeah #they need to TALK #911 #911 spoilers #maraskywalkers

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softxsuki · 2 years

Note

hi!!! can I put in a request for the Valentine’s day Letter Event? I would like it to be with Pro Hero! Bakugo, where it’s platonic bc i’m lonely on Valentine’s day :( but we’re really close and he always calls me baby. I would like it to be comforting bc i’m always worried im never gonna find anyone for me, and I want Bakugo to reassure me that it’ll happen one day. Location: we are roommates and he left the letter for me before he went to work. Other info: he’s 23 and i’m 21 and always rant to him about not having anyone to love or to love me and it makes me sad, and he knows this so he just tries to be there for me. Thank you so much!! <3

Bakugou's Platonic Letter To His Roommate

Valentine's Day Letter Event pt.2 (CLOSED)

Pairing: Bakugou x Gn!Reader (Platonic)

Warnings: feeling lonely (mood)

Genre: comfort

Post-Type: Letter

Word Count: 510

Summary: In which your roommate and friend, Bakugou leaves you an encouraging letter for valentine's day so you don't feel lonely

[A/N: I love writing for Bakugou, so this was fun! I hope you enjoy it. From one lonely person to the next, you're definitely not alone. We're all out here lonely, looking for comfort from out fav anime characters. Love that for us. <3]

Oh Valentine’s Day–A day that’s supposed to be full of love and positive vibes from the people around you who love you, yet here you were, very much single.

You envied the people around you who had a love life and someone to expect things from on Valentine’s Day. Was it too much to ask for just someone to hug and call your own on this day? Yet you had no one.

Or so you thought.

You were surprised to see a letter hung on the front door as you were about to leave, addressed to you. It could be from no one other than your roommate and close friend, Bakugou–also known as Pro Hero Dynamight.

You grab the letter and start to read it;

Y/N,

I’m only writing you this stupid letter because I know you’ll probably wake up feeling sad today, well not on my watch. Happy Valentine’s Day, baby. And no I’m not about to confess to you or anything gross like that, you’re like a younger sibling to me.

Anyway, I know how badly you want to find a partner in life. Someone you can call your own and have to celebrate on days like these. You tell me any chance you get how lonely you are and how desperate you are to find someone in your life. I get it. Life can get lonely, but you’ll find someone eventually.

The right person is out there looking for you as well, you just have to be patient and wait for them to appear. And I hope you know that whoever you meet has to go through me. If they can’t handle me then they can’t handle anyone.

In the meantime though, I’ll be here for you. I hope you appreciate that, I don’t go around saying that to everyone. I’ll bring you back some flowers…gosh I’m going to regret saying that after reading all the headlines of love scandals. Jeez, the things I do for you.

Keep your head up, and look forward to the Valentine’s Day you’ll have one day with the right person by your side. That day will come, I promise.

Alright, I’ll see you tonight. I’m on patrol duty until late, but I’ll stop by and get us some dinner too, so don’t cook.

Love,

Katsuki

The guy was a total brute at times, and wasn’t afraid to say what was on his mind, especially if you annoyed him, but you were grateful to have him. Especially on a day like today. He’s always lent you his ear even if it looked like he wasn’t actually listening, he listened to every complaint you had.

Every word you’d ever uttered to him was important and he just proved that.

Maybe this wasn’t your time to have a partner, but there was still a whole year ahead of you with many possibilities.

You’d definitely have to thank Bakugou when he came home. Without his letter you would have been miserable all day. At least now you had something to look forward to; flowers and free dinner :D

REGULAR REQUESTS ARE OPEN :D

EVENT REQUESTS ARE CLOSED

Posted: 2/14/2023

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idealisticrealism · 2 years

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TCL 2x08 recap

Well, I guess it’s not surprising that I broke my record with this one lol. Honestly this episode made me suffer so goddamn much and I loved every single minute of it.

So in honour of the hiatus this week, have this very belated monster instead lol

Like seriously, you already know you’re ~In For It~ when the ep opens with Thony watching her baby boy sleep like she’s been sitting there practically all night ugh. And then her hurriedly packing a bag with enough clothes to last at least a week or more and not even waiting for the rest of the household to wake up before getting Fi to get them out of there?? God you just know she spent the whole night thinking about the danger she’d put them in, and all the choices she’d made, and now she’s doing what Thony does and Trying To Fix Everything Herself. At least she finally tells Fi a tiny bit more about what’s going on with Garrett and the FBI though (sidenote: I find it really cute to imagine the conversation last night where the family is all ready to go to bed and Garrett is just like ‘oh don’t mind me, I’m just gonna hang here on your couch for a couple hours… any chance you have an iphone charger?’ lol). But ugh I love Fi’s “If we go, we go together” to Thony bc firstly these two and their sisterhood gets me every time, but also it’s reminiscent of Arman’s “We’ll do it together” from 2x07, and now I’m emotional thinking about the fact that for years Thony could only truly rely on herself, and now she is surrounded by people who love her, who want to help carry her burdens with her and who would do anything for her. Plus the whole “Oh so this is about him?” / “No, it’s about you! It’s about our family” exchange is so goddamn amazing because the truth is that it’s both– Fi and the kids are her family, but now Arman is her family too, and she is doing whatever she can to protect them all ughhhhhh

Ugh Chris and Fi continually have such incredible scenes together. I love their dynamic, the conflict and the support and the way that they’re still always a team. There’s such a well done mix of parent-child dynamic (like her reassuring him when he started to freak out that the cops had come back), and a kind-of-team-mates situation (him helping get the kids ready to go to JD’s, etc), which makes a lot of sense for an oldest child and a single parent. Chris has shown before that while he’s definitely a moody teenager lol, when it comes down to it, he really does take that ‘man of the house’ role seriously and if Fi’s biggest protector– like when he got in between her and Marco and defended her when Marco was yelling at her in like 1x09 or whenever that was. Which is probably partly why he ended up going to the police station too, because he couldn’t face her being punished in order to protect him when his whole job (as he sees it) is protecting her.

Honestly this show just loves stomping on my heart– Thony’s face as she says goodbye to Luca just kills me, because it just takes me back to 1x06 and “I just want to hold Luca without thinking it’s going to be the last time, you know?” ughhhh. Back then it was Luca who could be taken from her at any moment, and while tbh that still remains a possibility (whether from rejection of the liver, or one of Kamdar’s men coming after him), now the fear is more that she might be taken from him, that she won’t live to see Luca and the others come home. And god the shot of her standing there alone as they drive away, not even able to force a smile and a wave as they go?? I already feel personally attacked by this episode and we’ve literally only just gotten to the title credits ugh

Ok as much as I hate female characters being killed off to further the development of a male character, I do kind of look forward to seeing what happens with Garrett as a result of all this. Also oooh his suggestion of a mole is interesting– hopefully not Jefferson though, bc he’s cute and I like him haha. I think Garrett might be grasping a bit at the mole idea because if that’s not the case, then he’d have to face the idea that maybe it was him that messed up and left her vulnerable somehow. Also lol getting Kamdar on profiteering is so Al Capone; he’d probably love the idea of following in such famous footsteps. He’d have his lawyers get him off immediately though, bc lbr he can afford the best. But damn Russo’s “[these men are] never the ones pulling the trigger”-- don’t we know that all too well ugh

Of course Thony is doing housework lol– I’m going to take that as a subtle throwback to 1x01, when she was frantically cleaning the kitchen after Theo’s murder and Fi said that she does this when she’s spinning out. Bc though she looks outwardly calm rn, I definitely think she is spinning out, especially with the way she freezes at the knock on the door. But ugh the way she practically slumps in relief at Arman’s voice just gets to me; she’s there alone, spending every moment in fear of someone coming to hurt or kill her, and then the one person she feels safest around– who has literally proven (twice!) that he’d kill for her– turns up instead. (I’m not crying, you’re crying). Though I’m guessing she was expecting him– from the way they talk about meeting with Garrett, it sounds like they’ve been in communication between last night and now; plus, given that Fi took the van, Thony has no transport to get to any meeting location. But ugh the way he only ventures a few steps into the laundry– far enough that he gets a small glimpse of the rooms beyond, but still not really entering her home, because he has no idea whether he would be welcome in that space or not. And when he sees the neatly made bed that is clearly Luca’s, and hears the kind of eerie silence that never exists in a house full of kids, he knows what she’s given up because of him. I love his “you should have gone with them”– telling her that she doesn’t need to see herself as trapped like he is, and that he wouldn’t blame her if she left, even if it caused Kamdar to retaliate against him. Her safety is what matters to him more than anything else. And then omg when he says he’s going to stay with her (Is anyone else hearing faint strains of ‘Someone To Watch Over Me’ playing in the distance or is that just me??), and she just nods???? (never mind me, I’ll just be over here screaming into a pillow for a few minutes at the idea of them staying there alone together aaaahhh). But also oh man I am obsessed with the fact that the old Thony would have said that she was fine, that she was handling things and she could manage on her own. But now she has learned to trust him, and to let herself rely on him to be there for her. She knows that she’d be safer with him there, and she also knows that he doesn’t have a place of his own at the moment– but above all that, she just wants him there. She needs him, and she’s still hurting for the both of them about what happened last night– you can see it in the way her eyes are less able to hold his, and hear it in “I keep playing it in my mind… what he made you do…” ughhhh. I love her line “maybe we could have done something different” because I could see him instinctively taking that to mean she wished that he had found another way, had made another choice rather than shooting Maya; but she’s actually wishing they’d been able to do something that would have prevented Robert ever using him in that way, would have prevented that pain and burden being put on him. Like I definitely think she is struggling a lot with Maya’s death, but when it plays over in her mind, I don’t think it’s Maya that she’s focused on. I think it’s Arman’s face that she keeps seeing, the panic and then the pain as he realises what he’s going to have to do, and the devastation afterwards, his tears in the car still haunting her. Honestly even though this show hasn’t given us a Thony-crying-in-the-shower scene since the pilot (which is both a good thing and a tragedy, honestly lol), I’m absolutely certain she sobbed in the shower last night after taking off that red dress. Crying for Maya, for Garrett, for herself; but above all, for Arman.

And now, standing here with him in the laundry, she seems like she’s trying not to cry again, her voice all low and her body tense, and it’s only a minute before he cracks and has to reach for her; he’s clearly been holding himself back from her but he just can’t anymore. But ugh the gentleness of the way he touches her arms– instead of just pulling her into an embrace, he basically asks permission to hold her, giving her the chance to either step back and maintain her space, or to lean into his support. And though she hesitates for the tiniest moment– which I’m interpreting as her being afraid to hold him because she feels that if she does, she might not be able to bring herself to let go– she soon gives in and just lets herself have this, lets herself lean into him and wrap her arms around him. Tbh I wasn’t sure at first if her arms were still kind of between them, but after many rewatches I’m convinced she’s definitely holding onto him– and plus I stg there is a sound right before she sighs, like movement against fabric, and I choose to believe the sound mixer person put it in there as the sound of her arms wrapping around him under his jacket lol. And then oh god the sigh. The way she closes her eyes and lets out that breath, lets herself have just those couple of seconds to forget everything else and just be held by him?? Help??

Except ugh that’s all she allows herself– after that one brief moment, her eyes open again and her jaw clenches, and she bites her lip and holds on just that little bit tighter before she forces herself to move back and away, getting them both back on task. And he lets her go immediately– the whole time through the hug he kept his grip light, giving her the control, and honestly the hint of reserve in the way they hold each other makes perfect sense. For him, it’s about not wanting to push her; for her, it’s about protecting herself. She may trust him completely, and be able to rely on him for anything, but she’s careful with her heart, and he’s still married. He’d never deliberately string her along or hurt her, of course, but his situation is still complicated and she doesn’t know what is going to happen. What she does know, though, is that she loves him, and that this might be all she ever gets to have of him.

God it is such a blessing that the caddy is so recognisable (and probably very inefficient in terms of gas lol), because it means that the bike is the go-to choice for transport these days, and I am so supportive of this lol. Not only is it hot, but I am definitely into all the semi-embracing involved haha. Like what’s the bet Thony actually holds him closer than she needs to on the ride, sinking into him in the way she couldn’t allow herself during their hug? And ugh they look like such a sexy matching pair with their jackets (ngl I saw a jacket the other day that looked a fair bit like the one she wears in this ep, and I ended up buying it lol), which just further highlights their partnership as they face off against Garrett. But oh boy, this is awkward: “now we’re going to take Kamdar down for murder. Him, and whoever pulled the trigger [...] I’m going to make sure every one of those bastards rots behind bars” and lol well if they were planning on trying to tell you the truth before, Garrett, they sure ain’t now. And ugh the way Thony stands up to him and says that they can’t help him catch Maya’s killer, and Arman immediately looks at her– possibly wondering if she’s about to tell the truth, but trusting her enough not to try to stop her if she is– and then instead she protects him, using logic to explain to Garrett why they can’t help, yet still lying to him just like she’d said she didn’t want to do. Honestly I love so much that even despite her reluctant regard for Garrett, and the way she feels indebted to him for the ways he’s helped her family (though lbr that’s got to be tempered by the ways in which he has previously also hurt her and her family), there’s no question about which side she’s on. Even from the start, her loyalty to Arman outweighed Garrett’s threats and the power of the law behind him, and though she wants them all to be on the same side, she will protect Arman to the end, even if it means completely betraying Garrett and screwing him over. Still, she and Arman are caught between a rock and a hard place rn, trapped by both Kamdar and by Garrett. But if they can take down one, they can be free of the other, so they agree to set up the meet to trap Kamdar. I love that when he brings out the listening devices (sidenote: they’re cool and I’d probably choose the USB or the necklace lol) Arman immediately refuses to let Garrett put her at risk by making her wear one, while Garrett tries to push her into it by using her family as an argument– and I could have easily seen that escalating into a conflict between the two men but Thony just calmly uses logic again and tells Garrett about Kamdar always checking for wires. And ughhhhh that means that this is yet another moment where the writers could have given me the gift of the Robert-making-her-undress reveal but didn’t! Goddammit haha. Anyway to Garret’s credit, he does actually listen to her most of the time, which is why I can’t help but have a certain fondness for him haha. But ugh I’m forever obsessed with all the little glances between Thony and Arman in this scene, the silent conversation happening that Garrett is not a part of– this is some legit married behaviour lol

Okay I’m like unreasonably delighted by the fact that Thony brings Arman in through the front door this time? Like look it could have purely been due to filming factors (ie, having the whole thing shot in the kitchen/lounge area saves having to film them walking through the laundry first), but still. The symbolismmmmm. @enigmaticfox has already made this amazing post about it (seriously go read it) and like she said, there’s something so impactful about the way Thony opens the door wide and grants him access (get your mind out of the gutter Laura), and then when he hovers in the kitchen– looking to her for direction, not wanting to overstep his bounds– she instantly invites him further into her space, the place that is her home and her sanctuary. I love that she takes her shoes off– part habit, of course, but also a sign of feeling comfortable and secure– while he leaves his on. Which is also likely partly habit, since leaving shoes on in the house is common in the US, and also when a guest in another’s home in Mexico. But I also think he is half-expecting to be dismissed at any moment, and so taking off his shoes would feel kind of presumptuous, like it would be sending a message that he’s now here to stay regardless of what she wants. And ugh the way his eyes move around the space, taking it all in, and then focus over in the direction of Luca’s room– while he doesn’t look directly at her bed, I’m choosing to believe he clocked it and realised that that area is her ‘bedroom’, and so despite his intense curiosity about this aspect of her life that he hasn’t yet seen, he respectfully keeps his gaze away, letting her have her privacy. And then ugh I could even get all metaphorical about the way he sits on a single chair while she sits on a couch (aka, furniture which is designed to be shared by multiple people) and also with one of Luca’s toys right next to her– her family isn’t there, but they’re there, always beside her; meanwhile he's alone, visibly separate– except that with her body language, she bridges that gap between them. And don’t even get me started on the way she crosses her legs up under her, much like she does when around her family– like with her taking the shoes off, this is another sign of how safe she feels with him, basically the human equivalent of how a cat will only sleep with its paws tucked under its body when it's around people it trusts. You don’t sit like that if you feel there is any chance you need to escape the situation or protect yourself; it's purely the way our instincts are wired. But ugh anyway of course his first question is to ask her if she’s okay– he knows her, can see she’s struggling just from the look on her face, from the way her eyes are mostly fixed elsewhere rather than meeting his; and all he wants to do is try to ease that burden. I think that being in her space– what is so clearly a family home, but now completely devoid of that family– has really highlighted to him what helping him has cost her, what it could cost her if they don’t get this situation with Kamdar and the FBI resolved as soon as possible; he suddenly feels he’s done nothing but drag her into danger and pain and emotional turmoil, and you can hear in his voice that when he says “then you can get back to your family and forget about all this” he also means forget about me. And then when her response to that is to look him in the eye and tell him “We have to be done with this guy”, you can see how it affects him– there's something so soft and grateful in the way he looks at her ugh, knowing that even after everything she’s been through because of him, she still hasn’t abandoned him; that they’re still in this together.

So I’ve decided that Agent Chan is one of my favorite side characters lol. She was there during the hotel raid in 1x10 as well, right? Though ugh her not-super-subtly pointing the mic and talking into her earpiece is making me stressed lol. As is the fact that Armony literally cannot control what Kamdar will say– god how terrifying to walk into that situation, knowing that they’re being listened to by the literal FBI, and knowing that Kamdar is exactly the kind of man who loves both the sound of his own voice and gloating over other people's misfortunes? Honestly it’d be a miracle if they managed to pull this off without him saying something that tipped off the FBI about their involvement with Maya’s death. (Also sidenote, but something I love about this show is that we repeatedly see cleaning ladies? Like I mean this one that’s just walked past Armony may turn out to be plot-relevant, but we also see them when they have no bearing on the plot at all– like at Cortes’ place, and in La Habana, etc. I like to think that the show is reminding us that these women are always there, and they are not invisible). Anyways I swear that Joseph has never checked either of them at the door like this before, but sure I’ll just roll with it haha. And then oooooh damn who do we find in the office? Not Kamdar, but Nadia. I have questions about this, because firstly Arman said they’d ‘set up a meet with Kamdar’– so did they actually contact anyone to say they were coming? Or did they just rock up? Because if they’d contacted Joseph or whatever, then surely they should have known Kamdar was out of town. Unless Arman contacted Kamdar directly and the devious prick just thought it would be funny to have him be faced with Nadia instead when he got there? Which tbh would be consistent with his character, and would also answer my next question, which is when the hell Kamdar put Nadia in charge, considering that last night at the party she seemed very out of the loop. So ok headcanon time: Arman messaged Kamdar to make a time for the meet in the afternoon, and RK (I’m getting sick of typing Robert or Kamdar lol) decided to have a little fun, and immediately called Nadia and told her he wanted her to run things while he was away. It’s genius, really; he gets to score points with Nadia by showing her he trusts and values her, and he gets to set up Arman to most likely have another fight with Nadia while also not getting his cut for the deal. Win-win for RK lol.

Anyway I do like that Thony was the one to suggest aborting mission first; though lbr that was likely mostly because the whole point is to get RK, but at the same time I think she wants to leave Nadia out of things if she can. (another sidenote: I find it very satisfying that Garrett believes Thony and Arman had no idea about Nadia’s connection to RK lol– oh Garrett, you sure miss a lot, don’t you buddy). But ooooh then Nadia insists that she’s RK’s right hand, and so they can deal with her– and tbh I think that that pisses Thony off big time, because Nadia’s supposed to be Arman’s wife, and yet she chooses to ally herself with the man who is trying to destroy him?? I think that that is the moment when she decides that she can’t keep going out of her way to try to protect Nadia, especially since doing so potentially endangers herself, Arman, and her family. Both she and Nadia have chosen their sides, and so now it's just a matter of bahala na– whatever happens, happens. Of course Arman can’t see it like that, and simply has to protect Nadia; partly because she’s family, but also because he’s already betrayed her once by falling in love with Thony, and can’t face the idea of betraying her in this way too. And while Thony understands his need to protect her, I can see her being frustrated about it, especially given her temper– like is he really going to put protecting Nadia above potentially saving the rest of them???

Okay the fam all rocking up at JD’s and being welcomed so warmly is just so cute ugh. I just love them?? And then ugh J-Fi being all cute in the kitchen (while putting away the biggest slices of pizza the world has ever seen??) and Jazz watching them is just so funny– I know, girl, I ship it too. Although apparently JD’s gf is called Laura so maybe I should ship that instead, out of solidarity to a fellow bearer of the name lol. (Ngl, I would date this man in a heartbeat haha). But ugh this height difference kills me, and so does their comfort together ugh. He’s sweet and kind and he makes her laugh, and he loves her family like they’re his own (bc they are). So please pleaaaaase writers let them be together ughhhhh

Ooooh Garrett is Big Mad about Arman sabotaging the sting, and lbr Thony’s not delighted about it either. But ugh the way she looks at him every time he says ‘my wife’ and defends Nadia so vehemently? You can see how much it hurts her, each time a sharp reminder that he’s not hers– she used to have better armour to protect her from that reality, but the more time she’s spent with him, the thinner it’s gotten, and now every reminder pierces straight through. And yet even despite that, she still comes up with a way to get RK without endangering Nadia– but she doesn’t do it for Nadia’s sake. She does it for him, and then when she realises that there’s no way to make the plan work without him taking back his place in Nadia’s life– and all that that entails– she does what she has to do and lets him go, even though it means breaking her own heart. (I’m fine, I’m not crying, shut up). But god this scene was so fucking LOUD with things unsaid; for example, when Arman says he can’t get the keycard bc of being kicked out, the natural response from an outsider, ie Garrett, would be ‘well just kiss and make up then??’ because of course the expectation is that as the dumped party, he would be wanting to fix things and get back together. And then there’s the way Thony suggests it– the “well maybe you should reconcile” where she almost manages to hide the unwillingness with which she says it (it’s the tone and the maybe that gets me, bc someone who was emotionally unaffected in this situation just wouldn’t sound like that). And then to immediately follow that suggestion– that very reasonable suggestion of a man making up with his wife after a big fight, aka something that most people would presume he wants and is already actively trying to do– with the statement “It’s the only way we can protect our families”? Like honestly they’re both acting as if she’s sending him to the gallows rather than back to the life he was living literally less than a week ago, which is not at all a normal way to behave in this conversation– that is, unless you’re sacrificing the very thing you want most, and telling the man you love to go back to his wife even though it means the two of you can never be together. Because like I said in this ask, it would be a real dick move for Arman to go profess love and devotion to Nadia, and then drop her again the moment he got what he wanted from her– and so if he is going to go ahead with this reconciliation, he has to be all in; he has to commit to making his marriage work, because both he and Thony have too much honour to do otherwise. Which means that getting the keycard for Thony will basically be his parting gift to her, and they both know it; it’s in his quiet ‘alright’ and his grave expression, and it’s in the way she looks at him like the words I don’t want you to do this are screaming inside her head. Which, honestly, is a huge fucking deal in itself; even if she’s not admitting anything aloud, she’s still letting him see what she previously would have done her best to hide, and I can’t help but feel that that– the truth written all over her face, the silent admission that this was never just a one-sided thing– is her parting gift to him.

Meanwhile Garrett is just over here seeing all this intense eye contact and mutual angsting and is all like ‘Seriously guys? Right in front of my salad??” lolll. Like honestly, if he didn’t know they were in love with each other before, he sure as hell does now. Though unless he really is an absolutely terrible FBI agent, he’d no doubt have already had some fairly major suspicions based on… well, everything these two have done since they met lol. And I mean the way he looked right at Thony when Arman said Nadia had kicked him out of the house suggested he has a pretty clear idea of what’s up haha. But ugh okay headcanon time: Thony can’t face the idea of the long ride back home with her arms wrapped around Arman– possibly holding him for literally the last time– or the conversation that he might try to have when they get to the house (she’s holding things together right now, but there’s no knowing how long that will last, especially if she has to Talk about it), so she asks Garrett to give her a ride back, saying something about how they don’t have much time so Arman needs to go and start working on the keycard (read: on Nadia) right away. And Garrett looks between the two of them and then is all ‘right, sure, yeah’ and so she just turns and heads straight for the car, and Arman immediately takes a step as if to follow her and reach for her arm, but then he stops and clenches his jaw and turns back to the bike without a word, his movements jerky and rough as he shoves on the helmet and then roars out of there, leaving Garrett standing in a cloud of dust. And Garrett just sighs and shakes his head, then walks around to get into the car. Thony’s staring out the window and he can see the muscle working in her jaw, so he just starts the car without a word, and neither of them say a thing until they reach her house and she starts to get out. “Hey, Thony,” he says quietly, and when she half-glances in his direction, he adds, “I’m sorry.” Because even though he thinks she’s definitely better off being as far from Arman as possible, he knows a little about having a broken heart. She tells him that Kamdar needs to go down for everything he’s done to them, and Garrett promises her that he will. Then she nods and climbs from the car, and he watches as she disappears into the house alone.

But ugh anyway. I appreciate the symbolism of Arman ringing the doorbell rather than letting himself into the house; it’s not his space anymore, and he doesn’t have a right to be in there without her permission. (And maybe he knows she’ll be more receptive to him if he’s seen as being especially respectful of her boundaries, who knows). Ngl the ‘what the fuck bro’ look she gives him when she sees him standing there is actually kinda funny though. But ok I really want to know how long has passed since they saw each other in the office– probably no more than a few hours, right? Bc I assume Garrett wanted to meet with Thony and Arman pretty much right away after the sting went bust, and I assume Arman went right to the house when he left the meet, so it can’t have been super long? Though tbh I would love if Arman didn’t go straight to the house, and (headcanon time lol) instead took a different road back to the city and ended up stopping by some ravine somewhere, tossing his helmet away from him with a roar of frustration before violently hurling rock after rock over the edge, until he finally slumps back onto the bike, both physically and emotionally exhausted. And then he still doesn’t go to Nadia, but instead rides straight to Thony’s place, sitting there behind the back fence for who knows how long before finally letting out a curse and taking off for ‘home’. But ugh anyway my point (before the headcanoning lol) was that I respect how quickly Nadia went from that sleek sparkly blue number in the office, to her (very cute) around-the-house wear lol. I guess she was upset by the altercation in the office and headed home soon after? Also I love that despite literally being on a mission to woo Nadia back, the first thing he does is order her to stay away from Robert. Like bro are you trying to suck at this? But then ugh when she tells him to leave her alone and go back to taking care of ‘Thony and her kid’– and I wonder if she wishes now that they’d had a child together, so he would have had more reason to stay, since it clearly seems that she alone isn’t enough? Loved that she repeated the ‘there is no us’ and says that he made his choice– but tbh, part of the whole problem is that he hasn’t made his choice? He’s been actively avoiding it this whole time, because while he knows he’s in love with Thony and wants to be with her and would do anything for her, he still loves Nadia as his family, and doesn’t want to just completely abandon her. Especially considering the fact that if she came over from Argentina with RK all those years ago, she likely has no family in Vegas; Thony at least has her little family unit around her, but Nadia has no-one but him. Well, him and RK– and as he says, she’s not safe with RK. Loved getting that bit of backstory that she’d left RK because of being afraid of him (honestly though I am SO curious how one gets away from a man like that and stays in the same city without him trying to drag her back in; unless getting married to a guy who had the protection of a major crime family had something to do with that….?).

Anyway I'm also loving that this scene is proving some of my theories right about Nadia thinking she can control Robert, and also wanting to be around him because he values her. And then she tells Arman to go, and he pauses, clearly trying to find the right thing to say, and settles on the truth, that he’s worried about her. But she’s not interested in hearing it, because she knows that that’s not the issue here. And ugh the shininess to her eyes as she asks him if he loves Thony just hurts me. I hate seeing the pain she’s experiencing because of the two of them and the connection they share– one that they ever intended on, but never stood a chance against, but still. It sucks. I love that even as he made himself lie and say no, it comes out as barely more than a whisper, rather than a firm denial; and then he can’t just leave it there, because on one hand, the lie feels too much of a betrayal of Thony, and on the other, he can see that Nadia doesn’t believe him anyway. But he can’t tell the truth either, because if he were to let that yes out there, she would never take him back; she has too much pride to knowingly be with someone who's in love with someone else. So he settles for the middle ground, because he knows that framing his feelings for Thony as unclear and uncertain and confusing is something Nadia could accept, especially when he says with all honesty that he loves her. Because he does! She’s his family, has been practically the only family he’s had for years, and he wants them both to always be in each other’s lives. But he hasn’t been happy as her husband for quite some time, and Thony’s appearance in his life just made him able to understand why.

But anyway hooooo boy I do have to say that was some impressive kissing haha– ngl on my first watch I practically had to watch this scene through my fingers, but I’ve built up a bit of a tolerance now lol. And ok I don’t know how much of it was deliberate manipulation, but I did like the way he was very respectful with her, going slow and not pushing, letting her decide if she would let him kiss her or not. And damn when a man can kiss like that, who could blame her for letting him???

Gotta say I don’t think I have ever seen a show have scene transitions so goddamn rude as going from Arman seducing Nadia on a goddamn countertop, to Thony sitting motionless and alone in her dark and empty house for hours, to Thony’s entire family laughing and having fun together in the warm light of JD’s place without her??? Like jesus christ writers, why must you hurt me in this way????? (Though ngl the camping in the living room thing was fucking adorable). But ugh Thony calls Fi, reaching out to her family while sitting on Luca’s bed because it’s the closest she can get to being with him, and it’s also a reminder that she’s doing this for him, to keep him safe. And ugh the somberness in her voice is such a contrast to the loud and laughing voices of the family, and even though she tells Fi she made the right call (about sending her family away, about sending Arman away) it seems more like she’s trying to convince herself than Fi. And then she sees Luca, and it makes her really genuinely smile for a moment– and then all too soon he’s gone to play with his sibling-cousins and the call ends and she’s hit again with how completely alone she is. (Like literally when was the last time she spent an entire night alone?? Definitely not since Luca was born, and ughhh that knowledge hurts me).

And then the next thing we see is her curled up on top of Luca’s bed, looking so incredibly small, and tbh I think the writers were having a competition to see how many times they can make me almost cry over Thony in this ep because god dammit this hurts?? Having her so alone and terrified is just awful– and then when she’s startled awake by the sound of someone outside and runs to grab any weapon she can, knowing how little chance she has of protecting herself?? Fuck. She’s so caught up in the panic that even after she hears Arman’s voice, she forgets she’s holding the knife for a moment and has to put it down in the laundry, but then she doubts herself again– she’s been wanting to hear his voice, wanting for him to show up and stay with her like he’d said he would before everything went to hell– so she has to peek out through the blinds to be sure it really is him there. And then she lets him in, heart still racing but her terror replaced by relief– not only that there wasn’t some intruder breaking in to get her, but also that Arman was there, and she wasn’t alone. I really wish we knew what time it was during this scene– ie, like midnight vs just barely pre-dawn, because that would change her perspective of why he’s here. I’m going to assume it’s just late at night, and so she’s looking at him secretly hoping that he’s come to tell her that he failed with Nadia, that there would be no reconciliation and that they would find another way to get access to the office. And hoping that maybe then he would ask if it was still okay for him to stay, to watch over her so she wouldn’t be alone… but instead he says that he’s just stopping by, and then hands her the keycard– and she just stares at it for a second, because let’s be real, it’s like he just handed her a certificate that has ‘JUST RENEWED MY WEDDING VOWS! ALSO MOST DEFINITELY JUST CAME HERE FRESH FROM HAVING EXCELLENT SEX WITH MY SUPER HOT WIFE’ emblazoned across it in fucking giant neon print. And god the way she takes in a breath and opens her mouth like she’s trying so hard to find something neutral to say– even something simple like ‘okay thanks, I’ll call Garrett’– but then she makes the mistake of looking up at him and the words just die in her throat because she can’t do it, she can’t pretend like this is fine, like it doesn’t hurt to have him standing right there in front of her but now even further out of her reach than he’s ever been. The fact she doesn’t hide that pain from him is huge– yet another wordless admission that she previously never would have allowed herself– and he sees it, and it hurts him too, knowing that he can’t fix it. He’d probably been lying there staring at the ceiling while Nadia slept, trying to figure out what the hell he was going to say to Thony, because how do you tell someone that you love them and wish you could be with them, while actively taking steps to be with someone else? No wonder she cuts him off– I don’t think she could have handled it if he’d tried to tell her what he felt for her right then. So she brushes it all aside with an “It’s fine”– even though they both know it is absolutely not fine, but he respects her decision anyway and doesn’t try to continue the conversation, knowing that he doesn't have a right to try to close the distance between them that he himself has just created.

Ngl when I watched the ep for the first time, I viewed both this moment and the ‘maybe you should reconcile’ scene as him thinking her response meant she didn’t feel the same way about him, and being all angsty like ‘how could she just send me back to Nadia like she doesn’t even care?? Waaaaahhh she doesn’t love me back’ lol, because the idea of him wallowing in completely oblivious misery while she was wallowing in fully-aware misery was pretty damn delicious haha, but then the moment I watched those scenes again I was like ah no he for sure knows exactly what this is doing to them both, and tbh that’s actually even more delicious lol. Because that means that mixed in with all the turmoil and angst and pain, there’s a glowing thread of ‘oh my god she loves me back’ (or at the very least, ‘omg she wants to be with me too’ in case he doesn’t dare hope that she’s like truly ~in love~ with him) but that in turn makes the turmoil worse because it shows exactly what he’s giving up. And I’m honestly so proud that she let him see the truth, let herself be vulnerable and open instead of hiding what she really feels away behind layers of hastily-rebuilt walls. Bc they’ve been doing this dance for so long already where they’ve been practically shouting their feelings for one another through their actions, even as they don’t dare to breathe a word of it aloud; but now they’ve finally at least acknowledged that they’re there, even if they haven’t put a name to them. Which would be really fucking amazing if it wasn’t happening in a situation where they both think that any chance of being together is now gone hahaha. But ugh anyway she manages to bring things back to business by mentioning Garrett (a sure way to kill any romantic moment lol) and then sighhhh she opens the door and shows him out, which is some more downright rude symbolism from the writers tbh. Also this reminds me, I answered an ask about this scene here, which also has my interpretation of his “I don’t know how much time I can buy you”. (Ngl I am immature so I giggle at the implication that he cannot satisfy a woman for very long lol, but also c’mon we already know that’s totally not the case for him haha). But tbh I do love that line, because while he’s mostly trying to protect her by encouraging her to get in and out of the office as quick as she can, there’s also a hint of a plea there; like he’s saying that this reconciliation is by no means guaranteed to last, and is begging her not to give up on the two of them just yet. Which makes her tiny nod mean even more; lbr, he’s going to be clinging to that faint spark of hope in the days ahead. But ugh the way she glances out at him through the blinds one last time while locking the door behind him, and then looks down at the keycard she’s still holding, her jaw clenching? She’d gotten what she needed, but the question is– was it worth it??

Okay seriously, seeing Nadia wake up looking so happy and satisfied really sucks haha. (I mean, this is a great sign for how much Thony is going to enjoy her future life with Arman lol, but damn I really did not need the reminder of all the sexing that occurred– so thanks for that writers, you absolute sadists lol). Seeing her react to the empty bed beside her was hard too, and then the way she smiles at him when he appears with coffees?? Like dammit he’s already broken her heart once and now it’s almost definitely guaranteed to happen again– and even worse this time, because I’m convinced she is going to find out that this make-up was a ruse to allow him to steal her keycard, probably when he inevitably confronts her about the marriage certificate and she realises that the only way he could have seen it is by accessing the office. Not only will the realisation that he used her like that– and even worse, used her in order to help Thony– absolutely shatter her heart, but it will be such a huge blow to her pride that I wouldn’t be surprised if she legit tried to murder him lol. And tbh I wouldn’t be able to say that it’s not warranted, because holy shit this really was a betrayal of epic proportions (no matter how good his intentions were or the fact that he was trying to protect her, it was still unforgivable), and like I said in one of those previous Asks, their relationship will never, ever, ever recover from it. Which tbh is why I couldn’t hate all the Arman/Nadia in this ep, because the way it happened (Arman fighting to get her back, not for her, but for Thony) was literally like watching the titanic get put on a collision course with the iceberg; there’s nothing but absolute catastrophe lying ahead. Plus that’s not even to mention the fact that he was able to convince Nadia to take him back so easily, which clearly shows that the only reason they hadn’t reconciled earlier was because he actually hadn’t even been trying at all. Regardless of what he’d been telling her, he didn’t actually want to get back together with Nadia– especially not when her leaving him had freed him from the obligation that had kept him bound, that had kept him apart from Thony– but it wasn’t until the moment that Thony asked him to reconcile with her that he'd realised it. And then it didn't matter, because like he said in 2x04, he always does whatever it takes to keep Thony safe– even breaking his own heart.

Phew honestly it’s a relief to have an FBI scene, bc this ep is just too goddamn heavy lol. I’m happy to see Agent Chan again, and I hope she was the one who actually messed with his car haha. And then ta-da, looks like the cleaning lady we saw earlier did turn out to be plot-relevant after all, as Thony has put on her trusty cleaning-lady-disguise and taken her place. But ugh I can’t help but think about the fact that she’s in here alone, literally risking her life to get them all free of RK, while Arman is busy canoodling in the comfort of his king size bed. Though lbr, I don’t think anyone hates that fact more than Arman– how awful it must feel, to be deliberately deceiving one woman you love in an incredibly hurtful way, all the while knowing that the woman you love even more deeply is in danger and yet you’re here betraying her (no one will ever convince me that he doesn’t feel like he’s cheating on Thony right now) instead of there protecting her. Aaaand oops I managed to make the FBI scene about Armony lol. Also I get what Russo means with her comment, but I still take offense at her calling Thony ‘your girl’ lol. She is only one man’s girl (and as the song goes, he needs her, lol) and that man sure as hell ain’t Garrett. But ugh of course RK has a fucking advent calendar instead of a safe; thank god Thony gets lucky and finds the ledger after only a few goes, rather than having to search the whole fucking thing lol. But the ledger is not the only thing that she finds– and whatever that piece of paper is, it’s clearly hugely important, because she risks going back to get a photo of it even though she can see Joseph already headed her way. But ugh I do appreciate that Garrett was ready to rush in and save her, but looks like he has learned his lesson about busting in after what happened with Cortes. But also omg the stress of Joseph walking right past her in the hall?? Good thing the old cleaning-lady-invisibility appears to still be effective. Though ngl I was imagining a scenario where he and the other cleaning lady are a ~thing, so when he sees her there he goes over to flirt a bit, and then he realises it’s Thony and they stare at each other like wtf lol. But of course that would not have gone well for the mission, so I guess I will just have to give up on my Joseph x Faceless Cleaning Lady ship dreams for now haha.

So Thony’s sitting in the kitchen looking at the photos on her phone (or lbr, one in particular, aka the mystery paper) and there’s the knock at the door, and she freezes for a moment, waiting– and then as soon as she hears Garrett’s voice she goes to let him in. And tbh I wonder if her waiting to hear who was at the door wasn’t just about making sure it wasn’t a potential threat, but also maybe she was wondering if it was Arman again, and so she hesitates because she’s not sure she can face him right now? Especially because they’ve now achieved what needed to be achieved, so technically he could call off the reconciliation with Nadia (though as I’ve said before, they both know he actually can’t/won’t, not without it making him an utter bastard). But maybe I’m just making stuff up here lol. Anyway I find it kinda interesting how she and Garrett are a little matchy matchy in their blue tops, like she and Arman had matched in their black jackets. Maybe the costume department showing her connection to both of them? But again, probably just me making stuff up. And then lol of course he casually does the social faux pas of scrolling through someone’s photos without permission, and she gets the phone back real quick, clearly to stop him seeing the pic of the mystery paper. But okay so he tells her they can get RK on criminal profiteering, and I’m confused again about the way he’s changed his tune?? Earlier in the ep he was super against the profiteering charge and was determined for him to go down for murder. What changed?? Or is Garrett planning to use the information gained from the ledger to trap RK in some other way? I need answers lol. But ugh it genuinely sucks when he is all compassionate towards her now because it just makes her feel so much more guilty about Maya… which is why she tries to make it clear to him how grateful she is for everything he’s done for her and her family, and how he’s not to blame for what happened with Maya. I guess she’s hoping that he will remember this conversation after he finds out the truth about Maya, and will know that she did genuinely care for him and that she wasn’t just using him the whole time. (Sidenote, she thanks him for everything he did for her family ‘last night’ but it was actually the night before that. Keep up, writers! lol). Also I can’t remember what ep it’s from, but I swear Garrett has said ‘good work today’ to her before and I’ve decided it’s his little catchphrase lol

Ughghhhhhh have i mentioned lately how much I love the De La Rosa family?? The pureness of the sibling bond between all three kids, and the way that all of them (Fi included) are able to have fun and be silly together? Like ngl this video game scene was an incredibly accurate family depiction haha. Also I love the melodic little sound Fi makes as she walks into the room, like a happy little wordless greeting? God she’s so cute, I want to be besties with her lol. Anyway honestly being here on this little ‘holiday’ with JD has been good for all of them ugh. But oooh the conversation between Fi and JD about Thony is interesting– she tells him it’s unfair for him to say he doesn’t want Jazz anywhere near Thony until the FBI stuff is over, but honestly is it unfair? He’s her father and he doesn’t want her in danger, and I mean before now it wasn’t like there was a way to remove Jazz from that situation, but now he’s back and has a safe place for her to stay, and she’s far better off with him than at the home where Thony’s enemies could find her. And his point about Thony putting them all in danger is kinda fair too tbh. Of course I’m a Thony supporter all the way, though, so I want to say ‘It’s not her fault! She didn’t have a choice!’.... except that that’s not entirely true. With regard to season 1, it was; she was doing whatever she had to do to save Luca, and if that came with a small risk to the family as a whole, she had no option but to accept that and take steps to minimise it as best she could. But now– with all the stuff with Kamdar– it’s different, because it’s not Luca or the family that she’s trying to save, it’s Arman, and she did have a choice. Bc honestly, after 2x04 (when Mr Motel Mustache is dealt with), she could have basically walked away from it all– she didn’t need to continue getting meds with Arman and selling them to help his and Nadia’s debt. And when the fight in 2x05 happened and Arman said they were done, she could have decided that they really were over and that she needed to remove herself from his world, and from him, and he wouldn’t have tried to force her back in; even with RK telling him to get Thony to come clean the office, if she’d outright said no and told him she wanted nothing more to do with him, he would have called one of La Habana’s cleaners and then just gone and borne the consequences of RK’s displeasure himself. But the truth is she was never going to do that. She was never going to walk away from him, not when he needed her– even though she knew it meant putting herself directly in the sights of a man as dangerous as Robert, she did it anyway. But the real question is, if she’d known then everything that would happen as a result of helping Arman, would she still have made the same choice? (Honestly, my gut says yes). And okay anyway I love that Fi defends her and says that Thony’s the only one who’s always been there for her, but I mean really? How? They’ve been living in separate countries for 15 years, and who knows if Thony has ever even been able to visit before– not to mention that in the past 5 years she’s been completely occupied with just keeping Luca alive and also not going bankrupt from Marco’s assholery. Like I appreciate Fi’s loyalty but I have some questions lol. But oooh yessss at JD’s insistence that they all stay with him until it is all over, I fully support this! Bc as much as Thony being all alone hurts my soul, I love the J-Fi and kids family dynamic– and I mean, Thony’s house being empty means that Arman can come over and that they can…. talk….. without being interrupted lol. Just saying, those two have some reconciling of their own to do :P

Speaking of the reconciling, god the way Nadia looks like she’s walking on air as she heads into the club is absolutely killing me (though again, what an excellent sign for future-Thony’s happiness haha) bc ugh it’s not fair that the source of her happiness is built on a lie, and that the whole thing is going to come crashing down around her very soon and leave her even more brokenhearted than before– bc let’s be totally honest here, this reconciliation was doomed from the start; we can’t control who we love, and despite Arman’s best efforts and intentions, at this point it would be easier for him to stop breathing than it would for him to stop being in love with Thony. Plus like I said before, there’s no way the man is going to be able to just ignore the marriage certificate– the evidence that she’s been lying to him since they met, and also the thing that could potentially mean their own marriage is void– and so when he inevitably confronts her about it, she’s going to realise that he got into the office somehow, and put two and two together. And ugghhhh even despite my love of Armony, that moment is going to be so hard to watch, because while Nadia has her flaws, she doesn’t deserve this. And ugh we see just a tiny glimpse of that hurt when she realises the keycard is gone and is faced with the horrible possibility that Arman took it– but of course Thony protected him and left it somewhere where it would be found quickly, but would also still be believable that Nadia would leave it. Which is just even further manipulation of Nadia and ugh it feels gross to watch (though at least we know that both Thony and Arman feel terrible about it, and are only doing it because they have no other choice). But ugh anyway on a happier sidenote, it’s cute that Nadia waved to the bouncer on her way in; I bet she’s made friends with all of them and they think she’s the best, and I could totally see her with a whole little army of loyal bouncers lol. (So look out, Arman! haha)

Okay so I might be getting a little conspiracy-theorist here, but I’m going to say it anyway: what if Russo is dirty??? Like what if Russo actually was the mole, and has been indebted to RK this whole time??? I mean I know Garrett found the tracker in Maya’s things, and so he now believes that that’s how RK knew where to find her– but who brought him those things? Russo. Russo, who knows him very well, and so would have known that he would have taken absolutely every precaution to hide Maya, meaning that Maya’s abduction and murder would have had him convinced that there must be a mole in their department. And so she preempts that by planting the tracker in Maya’s things and letting him discover it himself, completely erasing his suspicions and leaving her in the clear. Which makes me also wonder if her big promotion is either a) because Kamdar pulled some strings for her to get her the job she wanted, or b) was her looking for reassignment so she can get away from RK without him threatening to expose her. And so what if the whole reason she is pushing for him to be brought down for profiteering rather than murder is because that’s run by a different department, and so RK won’t know that she was involved? Bc I can imagine that if her department tried to take him down, he’d be like ‘well you better make this go away or I’m telling everyone about our arrangement and taking you down with me’. And so while she can’t risk being the one to take him down, she desperately wants to be free of him, which is why she’s pushing for the profiteering angle. But anyway I know I may be way off base with all this, but idk this theory just has a grip on me now lol. Like I don’t think Russo is bad, I think RK just has her in a tough spot, like he has Arman and Thony and so many others. Plus, the way Russo says “Now you know you’re not to blame” after Garrett finds the tracker makes me believe that she didn’t just plant it to cover her own ass– she also did it so he would be able to forgive himself, because she genuinely does care about him and hates that he’s hurting. But ah well, I guess we’ll see in the coming eps whether I’m onto something here or not lol

Damn, the fact that Thony is waiting for Arman outside despite the lingering threat of RK sending someone to hurt her?? I guess she really doesn’t want him in her space rn / is really trying to keep her distance now that the situation between them has changed. (again, the fantastic post by @enigmaticfox really highlighted this). But ugh I need to know what she said to him to get him to come over– like I assume she texted rather than calling (hearing his voice and knowing that Nadia was likely only in the next room would have just been too hard to bear), and she was probably careful with her words in the text because she knew that there was the possibility Nadia would see his phone. So did she use some kind of code or something, because a ‘we need to talk’ would definitely not go down well if Nadia were to see it lol. So maybe she made up something about there being an issue with the meds that they needed to sort out, knowing he would understand what she was trying to say– and then after sending it she immediately gets a text back saying ‘on my way’ like he’d been keeping his phone close and just waiting to hear from her. But ugh I feel for the position she’s in– caught between the need to protect her family, and the irresistible urge to protect Arman (even from himself). And even as she asks if he knew about the marriage, she already knows the answer; simply because if he’d known, he would have told her already. They don’t keep things from each other, not anymore, which is why she risked going back to the certificate to get a photo– she wanted to be able to show him the definitive proof, so he wouldn’t be forced to choose between her word and Nadia’s. (Sidenote: from the certificate itself, we can see that Nadia’s surname was De Leon, which is freakin badass; and also that she and Robert got married 8 years ago, which means the maximum amount of time that she and Arman have been together is probably about 7 years, but may well be less). But anyway ughhh the way Thony makes it clear to him that she genuinely wanted to help him protect Nadia, but that if the only way to take down RK is for Nadia to go down too, then she’s going to have to take it, because she has to put the safety of her family first. And then they just stare at each other, because they both know what this means; if he chooses to put his family (aka Nadia) first– and protect her even if doing so means RK walks free– then he and Thony will have no choice to be on opposing sides in this fight.

And that’s the last place either of them wants to be.

#The Cleaning Lady #Armony #TCL recaps #how many fucking hours did I spend on this omg #thank god for the hiatus #(let's not think about how absolutely screwed I'm going to be next week lol)#but still please feel free to come talk to me about this show haha

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