#and it was stressing me out so i removed myself from the conversation but damn

[lover-of-mine]

Tim literally did say that they’d be bringing back past characters this season, we know that already?? so i don’t know why people are freaking out about tommy guest starring, there are probably other characters returning too that we don’t know about yet. people are acting like it’s a secret that he’s back and therefore that means something?? abc are clearly taking all spoilers seriously, not just him 😅 and the love interest stuff is suuuuuch a reach. there is zero proof of this and i mean, come on…… possibility of first male love interest for buck and they choose tommy?? huh? 😂

Wait, they people are saying Tommy is back to a be a love interest? Oh, yeah, because they would totally take half of the couple most people want together, make him queer and immediately shove him with the 118 guy he replaced, who we don't even know if he met, and a lot of people get confused about because he only exists in begins episode, sure. We knew he was gonna make an appearance, and isn't Tommy, like, in some sort of special rescue crew? He's the one Chim calls who sends the plane with the water to that one huge fire in s2 isn't he? Buck ending up meeting him because he's unsettled and wants some specialized training makes a lot more sense than "oh they're gonna fuck" why does everyone jump straight to the "oh they're gonna fuck"? Also, taking half of buddie (any half), making him queer, and not putting them together, it's a dumb decision, because buddie is so intertwined that queer storylines for them need to be addressed together and to use someone we already know to create conflict between buddie when they already have love interests locked and loaded is just dumb. The chances of them giving Buck a male love interest are so low. And making said love interest Tommy? That would be such an insane move from the showrunners. This is a first season in a new network too, they're not gonna do something as risky as giving Buck a male love interest who's not Eddie right off the bat. Also, it's not the Buck show? Not every secret being kept is gonna be about Buck's storyline. Buck could be an entry point for something else. More people could be in the basketball game. They could be hiding stuff about the basketball thing because the script got leaked. There are so many possibilities, why are the specs always "they're gonna fuck"???????

[itsjusthockey]

All I Need pt. 1 - Quinn Hughes

Hahhahahah angst

Not sorry

Enjoy

Part 2?

w.c: 1,141 (credit to gif maker) (don’t steal my work)

The smell of Kennedy’s expensive perfume hits you long before you see her. You know she must have arrived shortly before you, and her signature Tom Ford perfume fills the space and invades your senses, clouding your already scattered thoughts.

The man clad in his server tuxedo leads you through the luxurious space, smiling and making small talk, gesturing his hands toward the bar while he tells you about their specialty drinks. It’s almost fate, you think, because God knows you need one.

After a few more smiles and nods, you make it to the reserved table. It’s on the edge of the vast space, but it sits in front of a wall of windows. It shows off a beautiful afternoon, with sunlight filtering through sheer curtains, casting a warm glow on the table adorned with polished silverware and delicate china.

Sitting there, with a halo of light surrounding her, is Kennedy, digging through one of her Birkin bags. She flashes her eyes to you as you close in, and a broad smile dons on her signature red lips. She’s quick to her feet, and you can tell she chose her tallest heels for this special brunch occasion. She pulls you into a tight hug, squeezing the breath out of you.

“About damn time,” She lets out. “I thought I would have to drink all the bottomless mimosas myself.”

You bark out a laugh as you part, setting down your own bag on one of the empty chairs. You remove the light coat from your frame as Kennedy sits back down, eyeing your choice of outfit and subtly nodding her head.

“I wouldn’t do that to you,” You answer her, meeting her stare fully for the first time.

When your eyes connect to her dark blue hues, she takes you in, baring into the depths of your soul. She knows you better than you know yourself, and you’re hoping the facade of normalcy you’re putting on is convincing.

“I always understand when you have to cancel, you're a busy woman.”

Here it comes.

“So,” Kennedy sips her mimosa and smirks. "How's Max and the wedding plans? Did the planer fix the fuck up with the flowers?”

A sizeable dry lump forms in your throat, and your stomach tightens into uncomfortable knots. You avoid the question for a brief moment and take a sip of your drink. The sugary concoction coats your throat as it slides down, and you wish you could stay silent forever. The moment of unease stretches, and you can almost feel Kennedy grow more impatient with the ticking seconds.

“Yeah, they fixed it.” You break, forcing a smile.” Everything's great, Max is great.”

The words taste bitter as they leave your lips, but the lie lips easily. Kennedy's corner of her mouth twitches, but she takes the answer. Only for a moment, though, before she searches your face again and raises an eyebrow

“Come on, (Y/N), you have to give me something here. I want all the details about my best friend's wedding.”

You swallow hard again and take another drink. Then another.

“Max is wonderful," you say, your voice cracking imperceptibly. "We're just dealing with the usual pre-wedding stress, you know?"

Kennedy nods, but you don’t miss how her eyes shrink slightly in suspicion. She knows something is wrong, but thankfully, she assumes you’re telling her the truth and that the stress is about the wedding and not the actual terrible truth.

You feed her a couple more details to derail the beast, and she’s gone off your scent as a server comes to the table. A few minutes later, the food collection comes, and between your bits of some slightly dry chicken, the conversation drifts through floral arrangements and the upcoming bachelorette party. You finish your plate, pushing it to the side as you deeply discuss the possibility of flying into Vegas for one night. You find your lips being too dry for your liking, so while Kennedy rants about which clubs have the best VIP section, you lean over to grab your Dior gloss from your bag.

“Jesus, is that a hickey?” Kennedy's voice is laced with disbelief.

You quickly swat your hand up to the side of your neck, shocked that you could have missed something like that, so you try to play it off.

“What? No, of course not.”

Ken begins laughing so hard that a snort lets itself escape. She continues her fit until she's clutching her side, and a few older ladies at neighboring tables give her dirty looks.

“Oh my god, I didn’t know Max had that in him.” She lets out another giggle. “You better hope his mother doesn't come to lunch here today; she’d have a stroke.”

You don’t find her remotely funny, and you wish for nothing more than her to drop it. But knowing your best friend, stopping your utter humiliation isn't an option, and the tension building in your chest keeps growing as she pokes at it.

“Enough, Ken, please.” You finally snap.

Kennedy ceases her laughter and sits straighter in her chair, a confused, then slightly hurt, look crossing her features.

“God, (Y/N), I’m just having fun. What's up with you today? You have a massive stick up your ass.”

You scoff at her and roll your eyes. You know she’s right, but you don’t want to give her the satisfaction, and you’re not about to apologize. Instead, you return a stern look, and she raises an eyebrow.

“Seriously, (Y/N). Are you pissed that Max had to go to that extra safety demo this weekend instead of staying back to help?”

You shake your head rapidly. That isn't what's bugging you. In fact, you were thrilled when he told you about the impromptu trip. You were fucking ecstatic.

“I’m fine, Ken; I’m just in a mood. Is that a crime?”

She rolls her icy eyes back at you.

“It is a crime when you're supposed to be having the time of your life. You’ve waited so long for this and have been acting weird for a while.”

That statement gets you.

“What do you mean?” You grit out between clenched teeth. “I have been the perfect little bride to be for everyone.”

Kennedy is quick to stick it to you. “Maybe with other people, not with me. You don't want to talk about the wedding. You don’t want to talk about Max. Like, what the hell? I’m your best friend, and we are supposed to be doing this together.”

Her face starts growing red as she continues. “Are you mad at me? Did I do something?”

“No.” You almost break down, knowing you have to tell her. “You didn’t.”

“Then what?”

It rises in your throat, and you know your entire world is about to burn.

“I’m cheating on Max.”

[southsideserendipity]

What Colour? (Kelly Severide x Reader)

Synopsis: You disobey Kelly’s orders on a call, and he makes sure it’s your last time doing so.

Word Count: 5.6k

WARNINGS: MINORS DNI. Angst, smut, dominant and submissive, P in V, oral (male receiving), choking, overstimulation, edging, squirting, use of the word ‘slut’, daddy kink, lieutenant kink, use of a sex toy (vibrator), unprotected sex (wrap your willy, don’t be silly!!!), pure filth and shitty writing. 

My Masterlist

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“You know what your problem is? You can’t follow orders!” Kelly huffed out, walking into your shared bedroom and ripping his squad jacket off in the process. “You could’ve gotten yourself killed” he spat angrily.

He was upset; there was no doubt about it. And could you really blame him? The man has lost more loved ones than most people would in one lifetime. His overprotectiveness and frustration at what he viewed as blatant ignorance was a direct result of the grief buried beneath him.

You sauntered into the room behind him, ready to defend yourself to no end. “Oh, so when you don’t follow orders, you’re brave and heroic, but when I don’t follow orders I’m just an idiot who’s risking their life?!” You sarcastically reasoned with your boyfriend, upset that this was even a conversation the two of you were having.

“I didn’t say that” he grunted with gritted teeth, sitting on the edge of the bed as he removed his shoes. “Is it become I’m a woman, Kel? Hm?” you asked, slightly taunting him with your hands crossed over your chest. You walked right up to him, attempting to tower over him but failing given he was bigger than you even when he was sitting down.

“Is it because I might land myself in a situation you don’t think I have the ability or strength to get out of? Do you not trust me?” You stared at him with a questioning look, waiting for his rebuttal. Severide had a tendency to go for naturally submissive women - not that there was anything wrong with that - but you personally think this is why he lucked out with you; someone has to give him the same energy back, at least outside of the bedroom.

“That’s bullshit and you know it. You being a woman has NOTHING to do with this.” He stood up to steal the height advantage, and he peered down to look into your eyes, wondering to himself what he was gonna do with you. You, on the other hand, didn’t even flinch by his sudden movement.

“Then what does it have to do with, Kelly? Because I know damn well if you had had the opportunity to go back into that house, you would’ve. So cut the bullshit” you retorted, sick of having to defend yourself to someone a thousand times more reckless than you’ll ever be.

“Maybe I would’ve gone back in, you’re right, but I have the experience that you clearly lack since you think running into a flashover will get you a valor medal rather than a cemetery plot!” He scoffed out. He didn’t understand how you couldn’t see how dangerous your actions were, how you didn’t seem to have an ounce of regret for risking your life.

“Well you’re my lieutenant, aren’t you? I was simply modelling what I’ve observed from your leadership” You said, landing your index finger right into his muscular sternum, but he didn’t move a muscle.

When you said ‘lieutenant’, you attempted to say it without faltering, a hint of seduction evident. What better way to relieve the work day’s stress - and the tension from fighting - than with even more exertion?

“You said it yourself. I’m your lieutenant. I ordered you not to go back in, and you disobeyed me!” He shouted back, flailing his arms out to the side for emphasis and dramatic effect. He clearly was NOT picking up on the hint that you were done with this conversation, ready to move onto less verbal activities.

“How about I make it up to you? Show you that I can listen to your orders…” You looked up at him with those irresistible doe eyes of yours, simultaneously twirling of strand of hair between your fingers. If the sexual tension from the arguing wasn’t solidified before, it sure as hell was now.

“C’mon, don’t wiggle your way out of this by pulling that shit. I won’t hesitate to take you off duty for a mandatory psych eval since clearly you have a death wish.” Sputtering his threat with sarcasm, he rolled his eyes, fighting the urge deep within him to pick you up and toss you onto the bed like a rag doll.

Putting one of your hands on his chest, you brainstormed a way to escalate this into your desired outcome. “Can my punishment be anything but a visit to the shrink’s office? I promise I’ll be good for you.” You tilted to your head to the side, anticipating his response. “Hm, sir?”

You KNOW he can’t resist when you stroke his ego by reminding him who’s in charge, even considering your disobeying of orders earlier that day. What better way to evoke the dominant side of him that you loved so much?

You knew you were putting him - and his dick - through the five stages of grief, because you saw a sudden change in his eyes and before you knew it, he was smashing his lips onto yours.

The force with which he grabbed your face startled you, but you quickly adjusted, kissing back with excitement that your master plan - which you thought about and subsequently executed 3 minutes ago - was being initiated.

You urged him to sit back down on the bed by pushing your body up against him and climbing on top of him as soon as you had the chance- your lips not once removing from his. You rubbed up on him like an unaltered cat in heat as if it would take off the layers that separated you from his already hard cock.

Your lips were devouring each other’s, the sense of urgency and desperation evident. He sucked in your bottom lips with his teeth, and then spit into your mouth as he let go of his sharp pull.

Pulling your face away from his with urgency, he gazed at you intently. It was as if you could see the metaphorical gears in his head grinding as he thought of a way to assert his dominance over you.

“On your knees” he uttered as he removed both of his hands from your face. You were taken aback. After all, you were the one hinting at your desire to get down and dirty, and you just weren’t expecting Kelly to give up on his lecturing so quickly.  But this was your plan all along- get him distracted enough that he would forget about the stunt you pulled on shift (or, at the very least, postpone the reprimanding to a later date).

“I’m not going to ask you again” he spat out, angry that you weren’t immediately obeying. You looked down at him, noticing his pupils had swallowed his iris’ whole; his eyes gleaming with lust and dominance. Removing your legs from around his waist, you lowered yourself down until your kneecaps were on the rug, your body in between his legs, and your face perfectly centred with his bulge.

He motioned towards his belt buckle with his head, a hint of annoyance that you didn’t automatically begin releasing him. You reached up, pulling the length of his belt from under the clasp and removing it from the notch. Sliding it out from under his belt loops, you were about to toss it next to you when Kelly motioned for you to give it to him.

You could already feel the moisture between your legs, and being face to face with Kelly’s manhood only increased your libido. You unbuttoned his work pants, dragged the zipper down, and reached within his underwear.

His cock was NOT hard to find by any means- you took it out and observed it with admiration, the pre-cum very pronounced on his red, bulbous tip.

Kelly had a very nice penis, and I think half of the women in Chicago could vouch for him. Not only did he have a cock with the perfect ratio of girth to length, but he sure as fuck knew how to use it.

Taking the tip of your tongue, you ran it along his head, collecting the white, slippery substance already beginning to ooze out. Goosebumps spread along every inch of his body; he was the one in control, but you always knew how to make him shiver.

Starting at the very base of his shaft and licking all the way up, you didn’t hesitate to take your time with him, the pure enjoyment of providing him with pleasure the motivation behind your performance. Once you made it to the top, you encircled his head with your tongue over and over, making him fling his head back.

After he recovered from your teasing, he decided to take matters into his own hands by grabbing the base of your scalp, urging your throat to engulf his entire length. “Take me like the little slut you are” he whispered dominantly, the hand on the back of your head guiding you up and down periodically, the other placed behind him for support.

When you had reached the very bottom of his shaft, the tip of his dick most definitely touching your tonsils, he pushed you down even further, urging you to choke on him. “Look at me. I want to see how beautiful you look taking all of me in your mouth” he commanded. You peered up at him through your eyelashes, and he couldn’t help but smirk, a smile fighting through the corners of his lips begging to be unleashed.

He looooved to see you take him, and once you had made eye contact as you were told, he was practically using every fibre of his being to prevent himself from sending his load down your throat. The heavenly combination of your gurgling noises as you choked on him with teary eyes caused him to release his hand from your head.

You suctioned his dick as you sucked up his shaft, letting go of him with a pop. A string of saliva connected your lips to his length, and he wanted to capture this moment for the rest of eternity.

You giggled as you observed the look on his face, and it only encouraged you to continue. However, as you were about to get back to pleasuring him, he stopped you by grabbing his dick before you could.

“Nuh-uh. Strip.” He ordered.

This time, you didn’t hesitate to obey his command, your clothes making you feel trapped. You always felt completely comfortable with and around Kelly, and it translated to the bedroom when you were in a naked, vulnerable state.

Grateful that you had showered at the end of shift, you started with your grey squad 3 t-shirt, crossing your arms to grab the bottom of either side of it. Peeling it over your head, you tossed it aside, revealing the grey Calvin Klein sports bra confining your chest.

You removed your leggings, and noticed that you happened to be wearing the matching underwear of the set.

Kelly didn’t take his eyes off of you as you undressed below him, and knowing he was watching your every move as you exposed more and more of yourself made your cheeks turn a crimson red.

You stopped when you were in solely your bra and underwear, expecting him to give you your next command, but he seemed annoyed rather than satisfied.

“I said strip, didn’t I?” he spat through gritted teeth, expecting you to be fully naked for him and wondering how you didn’t catch that the first time he asked you.

You were starting to get into your head, feeling vulnerable about the thought of being completely naked in front of him while he was fully clothed. However, you knew what you had suggested to him in exchange for his scolding to come to an end, and you wanted to follow through.

Turning your mind off, you immediately began removing your undergarments, your horniness beginning to overpower any insecurities you could’ve had about being bare.

As soon as you were fully exposed, you looked up at Kelly as if to tell him you were ready for what was next. His cock jolted, hardening as he looked you up and down, running his tongue along his lips without even realizing.

“C’mere” he muttered, patting the spot next to him. You stood up and you could just feel the wetness between your legs, knowing your slick was about to start dripping down.

Being at times uncomfortable with the amount of lubrication your vagina produced, Kelly always assured you that seeing you so wet filled him with the biggest sense of pride. Knowing he could physiologically alter the state of your body in a way that essentially prepared you to take him made him lose it.

You sat next to him and he once again grabbed your face, kissing you with such passion and force that he was smushing your cheeks together. You kissed him back with the same energy he was giving you; it was as if the rougher you moved your lips against one another, the more pent up sexual energy would be released.

One of his rough, calloused hands reached up to fondle one of your nipples. He rubbed the sensitive and aching bud between the pads of his index finger and thumb, knowing it would turn you on even more than you thought possible.

“Kel… fuck!” You threw your hand back as he began to leave sloppy, wet kisses down the side of your neck, and eventually on the base of your throat. Once his lips reached your collarbone, he found a spot to mark as his and began sucking on the thin skin.

At this point, both of his hands were fondling your breasts, kneading and rubbing them as if he had never touched boobs in his life.

He abruptly stopped sucking - a hickey in it’s very early stages appearing where his lips had been - and stood up.

You looked at him with confusion, a faint red ring starting to form around your lips from his beard brushing against your skin.

Standing at the side of the bed, approximately where you had been a couple minutes prior sucking him off, he ordered you to hang your head off of the bed, and you knew what was coming.

Kelly knew that this was one of your favourite ways to give head; the way it was easier to take him down your throat, the way you - or Kelly - could easily reach between your legs, the way the blood rushed to the top of your head; it was vulnerable, hot, and a perfect way to submit to him.

You spun around quickly and lowered your back onto the bed, shimmying until your shoulders were at the end of the mattress, and you slowly lowered your head back.

Your head was upside down, face to face with Kelly’s cock, and you couldn’t be more excited. He grabbed himself in his hand, and tapped his dick against your lips.

“Open.” And that you did. Your mouth opened to take him, and he slowly entered into you, allowing you to adjust. He didn’t go completely in, but he thrusted at a slow pace into your mouth.

Sure, he was in heaven; there was no doubt about that. But you, on the other hand, were in complete submission and sheer bliss as you engulfed his length. You knew that at this point, there would be a complete puddle beneath your heat by the time you were done, the oral you were giving him in this particular position turning you on indefinitely.

He began to pick up the pace, and you knew he was going to throat-fuck you soon, but he suddenly stopped, half of his dick still in your mouth.

“Spread those legs for me. I want you to touch yourself while I throat-fuck you.” It was as if he would never ask. You widened your hips, spreading your legs with your knees pointed up.

Reaching down you began to play with your pulsating clit, the excessive slick of your heat aiding in your masturbation, and Kelly continued sliding in and out of your mouth.

Finally being able to touch yourself practically had you on the verge of an orgasm, but you knew that when you were the submissive and Kelly was the dominant, he was the one who told you when to release.

He was moving in and out of your mouth much faster than before, and he decided that now was as good a time as any to grab both of your nipples with his fingers and pinch them. The combination of you playing with yourself, him entering your mouth at this angle, and him toying with your extremely sensitive nipples was a recipe for an orgasm, and he knew that.

So, he took himself out of your mouth quickly, a glob of spit connected his cock to your lips as he pulled out completely.

He walked away, spit trickling down the sides of your face. You knew you were most definitely sporting the raccoon look, remnants of your smeared mascara on your upper and lower lash line, but you also knew it was a sexy sight for Kelly to see. You looked ravaged, and knew that once he began to throat-fuck you, the mascara residue would be running down your face along with your tears of pleasure.

You knew better than to move from your fixed position without his permission, so you remained still, awaiting his return.

He came back, lowering himself into your mouth once again. When you heard a click and a buzz that followed, your eyes widened, and you withered beneath him.

It’s not that you didn’t want him to use the vibrator - you most definitely did. It was more the fact that you probably wouldn’t be able to last more than 30 seconds without violently cumming.

He touched the wand to your clit, and as he tapped your mouth with his cock again, you knew he was signalling for you to take him.

The vibrator hadn’t even been on you for 10 seconds and you were already squirming. “Colour?” He asked, removing the vibrator from between you and pulling out of your mouth at the same time. He always made sure to check on you as things began to intensify.

“Green” you breathed out eagerly, wanting him to continue what he was doing.

You used the basic traffic light system whenever you experimented in the bedroom, the both of you making consent the forefront of your sexual encounters. Green means you’re doing okay and are enjoying yourself, yellow means slow down or modify an action, and red was the danger zone, indicating a complete stop was needed.

“I’m going to throat fuck you now” he stated once he had received the all-clear from you.

Before he could even ask you to open for him, you were waiting with your mouth wide open, ready to take his length.

He put the vibrator back on your clit, and began fucking your mouth at a medium pace. The vibrator was operating at it’s lowest setting, but you were shaking like a leaf.

The tip of his dick was so far into your mouth, you wondered how he could go down any more. Once he did, you began to gag, producing an overload of saliva in the process; the sounds you were making music to his ears.  

“Fuckkkk” Kelly moaned out, seeing the - stubborn - woman he was in love with sprawled out, legs spread open and head tilted back, taking him like such a good girl.

Usually, he would shower you with praise when your sexual activities erred towards the rougher side, but with the sheer stress and terror you put him under earlier, he was merely focused on having his way with you.

Once your legs began to shake profusely, he knew you were close which triggered him to remove the toy. This earned a moan of frustration and desperation to escape your mouth; the pleasure you felt was overwhelming, and the edging made you want to combust.

Making you gag on his cock a couple more times, he knew that he also couldn’t postpone his orgasm any longer. He desperately wanted to be inside of you, assuming that by now you’d be gushing for him.

He exited you for the last time, but kept the vibrator on you, wanting to torture you just that bit more. You whined out in pleasure, gurgling in the process given the saliva was dripping out of your mouth.

Shutting the vibrator off, he placed it on your bedside table, unsure about whether or not he’d decide to use it again later. He helped you in sitting up by lifting your shoulders, and you automatically scooted to the top of the bed, centering yourself.

Before he made his way over to you, he reached behind him grabbing the back of his squad 3 t-shirt and lifting it over his head. He revealed his beautifully sculpted chest, a sight you never got tired of seeing.

Finally, he slid his pants off, followed by his tighty whities that made his ass look like a peach. Kneeling onto the bed, he began towards you, the anticipation of the fact that he was finally about to have his way with you nearly killing him.

“How bad do you want this cock inside of your pussy, hm?” Kelly asked, running his thumb through your folds, applying pressure to your clit once he reached the top.

“Very badly” you whined, unable to sit still. Your eyes kept shifting between his, and his cock. His shaft was glistening, and his tip was so profound it looked like he was going to burst any second.

“Very badly what? What do you know to call me?” He gave you a questioning look as he ran his dick across your folds.

“Very badly, daddy. I want your cock inside my pussy very badly” you said, once again in a whiny tone as you peered up at him with glossy eyes.

You don’t know what had gotten into you, why you had the desire for sex more strongly than a drunk frat boy. But what you did know was that if he wasn’t fucking you within the next minute, you would probably disintegrate.

“Spread those legs for me” he commanded, and you did as you were told. Both of you were completely revealed for the other, a level of intimacy achieved that you never thought possible.

Kelly tapped his heavy cock against your folds before gathering your wetness with his head. With one hand on the headboard for support, he used his other hand to guide himself into you.

The feeling of him slowly sinking into you - stretching you out in the process - was well worth the foreplay you had just done. It was as if the buildup made the moment your bodies connected that much more pleasure-filled.

Once he was completely submerged within you, he looked up at you for reassurance and you nodded your head extremely quickly. You usually needed some time to adjust to his size, but you were so ready for him both mentally and physically that you didn’t need the warm-up.

Both of his arms propped his body up, each one planted on either side of your head as he slowly thrust in and out of you. You spread your legs even further as you took him, reviling in the immense euphoria you felt from him fully filling you.

The speed at which he rocked into you quickly hastened as he saw how much enjoyment you were experiencing. Your head was bobbling around as your eyes rolled back in pleasure and multiple gasps escaped from between your lips.

He roughly grabbed your jaw, forcing you to look up at him. “I want you to look at me while I fuck you. You hear me?” Without breaking his pace, he asked if you understood what he was asking of you, and you nodded hastily in agreement.

“Yes, yes” you gushed, doing everything in your power to once again prevent your orgasm from erupting early.

His hand quickly grasped the sides of your throat, the lack of oxygen causing a sudden dizzy feeling that sent you even further into sub-space.

“Yes, what?” As he asked you, he released the grip on the sides of your throat to readjust, and once again squeezed, practically urging you to answer him.

“Yes, lieutenant.” He nearly came immediately inside of you at the sound of you sultrily stating his rank. But he wanted you to come first, not because you deserved to on this particular day, but for something else he had planned.

He quickly slipped out of you, releasing the grip he had on your throat which caused you to look at him in confusion.

He grabbed one of the pillows on your bed and lifted your hips, sliding it beneath you to gain leverage. He then reached for the vibrator, your eyes widening as you watched his every move.

“What colour?” He asked the question as if he were asking you what you wanted for dinner; the ease of his tone made you want to giggle.

“Green” you responded, without even thinking about your answer; you were beyond ready.

As soon as he got the all clear, he sank right back into your warm, wet heat, slowly regaining the fast pace he was fucking you at before he last pulled out.

He clicked the wand on and lowered it onto your clit, the dual-pleasure you received as he crashed his cock repeatedly into your g-spot while vibing you to the high heavens caused you to yelp. You were practically smelling colours, your senses overloaded in the best way possible.

Nothing but pure frustration was fuelling Kelly as he drilled into you; he wanted to fuck the stubbornness right out of you for scaring him the way you did on shift, and your refusal to see that your actions were reckless heightened his anger even more.

“Fuck, fuck!!!” Your face scrunched together as you tried to fight off the early stages of your orgasm. Kelly could feel you pulsing around him, knowing you had to be close.

“I want to cum, daddy, please, can I come? Fuck!!!” Keeping still inside you, he took the wand off of your clit to turn up the level of vibration, and then returned it back on your swollen bulb.

Pummelling into you with strokes so deep he must’ve been scraping your cervix, he commanded “cum for me, slut.” As soon as the words escaped his mouth you completely unravelled, the orgasm you had put off for what felt like an eternity suffocated your entire body in pure bliss.

You were shocked he had let you come first… you thought this was supposed to be your punishment for disobeying his orders, and you didn’t think being the first one to orgasm was on his list of ways to teach you a lesson.

But you had no idea what Kelly had planned until he was flipping you over onto your hands and knees, only to immediately thrust right back into you.

Your entire body jolted as he did so, given you were still recovering from your orgasm; you were so extremely sensitive, goosebumps appearing on every inch of your skin.

“I’m going to make sure you never disobey my orders again” he stated matter o’factly, absolutely ravaging your pussy. Holding onto your hips for support, the pads of each one of his fingers dug so deeply into your skin you knew he was causing bruises to form.

“Fuckkkk” you let out, your voice faltering in the same fashion as his thrusts. You couldn’t help but squeeze your eyes shut and keep your head down, attempting to ride out the overstimulation as he pounded out his emotions into you.

Without disconnecting your bodies from one another, he reached over on the bed to grab the belt you had removed from him earlier. He looped it underneath you, pulling up tightly as he snaked it around your hips. The cold leather made you shiver once again, a sensation that took your mind away from the second orgasm coiling in your tummy.

The belt allowed him to drill into you with an added force, and with his free hand he grabbed a fistful of your hair, bringing you closer to him.

Lowering his mouth down to your ear, he uttered “don’t you dare disobey my orders at work ever again. Do you understand me?!” The way his hot breath fluttered into your ear canal made you feel completely and utterly his, and you’re pretty sure that’s the effect he was going for.

“Yes, yes sir, I understand” you quickly responded, continuing to let him take you relentlessly. He let go of your hair and reached around you, grasping onto one of your tits. A pinch of your nipple sent what felt like a wave of electricity shooting through your entire body.

“God, you’re so fucking hot. You take my cock so well, huh?” He gave in and showered you with praise - though it was minimal - after you were being so good for him.

“Yes daddy, I take your cock so well. No one can fuck me like you can” you gushed in response. Your’s and Kelly’s sex life was always off the charts, but you believe this was the most mind-blowing sex you’ve ever had together.

You could tell he was close by the way he was losing his momentum, but he mustered up some strength to take himself across the finish line, hoping you would be right there with him for your second orgasm.

He released the belt from beneath you, tossing it to his side in order for him to reach around for your clit.

“‘M gonna cum. Fuck!” Kelly moaned out. “Cum with me darling. C’mon, you can do it” he encouraged, pushing your body to the brink.

“Fuck” he groaned out. As soon as you felt his hot liquid start to coat your walls, the coil forming your orgasm ruptured like the snapping of an elastic. “Oh my god” you gasped, feeling liquid rush down your legs.

Kelly looked down at where the two of you connected, and all he saw was a clear liquid begin to seep through the sheets.

“Did you just…” you were zoned out to the max, so clouded with intense sensation you could barely even hear him.

“What?” you whispered, turning around to look at him. When you saw he was staring beneath the both of you, you looked where he was and noticed the puddle you were hovering above.

“Oh my god. I think I just squirted” you gasped, nearly giggling. You had never done so before, and you were almost proud of yourself.

“That’s so fucking hot” Kelly whispered, slowly unsheathing his cock from your pussy. You flipped yourself over onto your back, letting out a breath from the exertion you had just been through before collapsing.

“I’ve never done that before. I honestly didn’t think I could” you admitted as he laid down next to you, propping his head up with his elbow. “Are you serious?” Looking at you like you had five heads, he scanned your face for any hint that you might be lying.

“You just fucked me into the abyss, Kel, yes I’m serious. That was so fucking hot” you breathed out, still attempting to catch your breath.

As silence filled the room for a second, the both of you entering recovery mode, you decided that now would be as good a time as any to apologize.

“I’m sorry, Kel. I didn’t mean to go against a direct order, and I sure as hell didn’t mean to scare you… I know that it’s not just myself I put at risk when I act on impulse, it’s the entire house, and if something happened to one of them because of me, I wouldn’t be able to forgive myself” I admitted.

Kelly nodded as you explained yourself. “I really don’t want our relationship to get in the way of our jobs. Just know that if anyone else had pulled the shit you did I would be just as angry with ‘em.”

You nodded in understanding. You knew he was just trying to do his job, and it most definitely made his leadership abilities look questionable when you went against him.

“Understood lieutenant” you said with a wink and a smile, earning a chuckle from him in response.

“Was I too rough with you? You know you can always communicate with me if you need to, no matter how deep in the moment we are” he scanned your face as he asked his question with sincere concern.

“No, no, Kel. It was great. I would’ve spoken up if I couldn’t handle it. You always take such good care of me.” Staring up into his eyes with admiration, you were wondering to yourself how you go so lucky to end up with a man like him.

He caressed your cheek with the pad of his thumb before planting a kiss on your lips.

“I’m gonna go start a bath for you, m’kay? You relax” he stood up, leaning over to kiss you on the forehead before walking to your en-suite.

“Hey, Kel?” He turned around. “Yeah?” He asked curiously.

“If you fuck like that every time you’re angry, expect me to rile you up way more often from here on out” you giggled.

“Fuck off” he smirked, grabbing a pillow from the end of the bed and tossing it at you playfully. As he turned around continuing his walk to the bathroom he muttered “I don’t have to be angry to fuck you like that. Just say the word princess.”

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

EEEEEEEP I hope that was okay!!!!! This is my first time writing smut so PLEASE take it easy on me. This idea was brewing for a while and I feel as though I executed it poorly so please give me feedback- I’m more than willing to made edits! Let me know what y’all think and enjoy your St. Patty’s weekend!!!!!!

Also, if you’re waiting for me to write your request, your patience is beyond appreciated. I’ve been struggling tremendously with my mental health, and although that is not an excuse, I just wanted to provide a reason for the delay. Thank you!!!!🤍

[keeppushingthelimits]

Illusions - Max Verstappen & ?

Hello & Welcome

I hope you enjoy

Comment & talk to me baby

I don't know who the other man is yet, any ideas?

w.c : 1,141 (credit to gif maker) (don't steal my work)

The smell of Kennedy’s expensive perfume hits you long before you see her. You know she must have arrived shortly before you, and her signature Tom Ford perfume fills the space and invades your senses, clouding your already scattered thoughts.

The man clad in his server tuxedo leads you through the luxurious space, smiling and making small talk, gesturing his hands toward the bar while he tells you about their specialty drinks. It’s almost fate, you think, because God knows you need one.

After a few more smiles and nods, you make it to the reserved table. It’s on the edge of the vast space, but it sits in front of a wall of windows. It shows off a beautiful afternoon, with sunlight filtering through sheer curtains, casting a warm glow on the table adorned with polished silverware and delicate china.

Sitting there, with a halo of light surrounding her, is Kennedy, digging through one of her Birkin bags. She flashes her eyes to you as you close in, and a broad smile dons on her signature red lips. She’s quick to her feet, and you can tell she chose her tallest heels for this special brunch occasion. She pulls you into a tight hug, squeezing the breath out of you.

“About damn time,” She lets out. “I thought I would have to drink all the bottomless mimosas myself.”

You bark out a laugh as you part, setting down your own bag on one of the empty chairs. You remove the light coat from your frame as Kennedy sits back down, eyeing your choice of outfit and subtly nodding her head.

“I wouldn’t do that to you,” You answer her, meeting her stare fully for the first time.

When your eyes connect to her dark blue hues, she takes you in, baring into the depths of your soul. She knows you better than you know yourself, and you’re hoping the facade of normalcy you’re putting on is convincing.

“I always understand when you have to cancel, you're a busy woman.”

Here it comes.

“So,” Kennedy sips her mimosa and smirks. "How's Max and the wedding plans? Did the planer fix the fuck up with the flowers?”

A sizeable dry lump forms in your throat, and your stomach tightens into uncomfortable knots. You avoid the question for a brief moment and take a sip of your drink. The sugary concoction coats your throat as it slides down, and you wish you could stay silent forever. The moment of unease stretches, and you can almost feel Kennedy grow more impatient with the ticking seconds.

“Yeah, they fixed it.” You break, forcing a smile.” Everything's great, Max is great.”

The words taste bitter as they leave your lips, but the lie lips easily. Kennedy's corner of her mouth twitches, but she takes the answer. Only for a moment, though, before she searches your face again and raises an eyebrow

“Come on, (Y/N), you have to give me something here. I want all the details about my best friend's wedding.”

You swallow hard again and take another drink. Then another.

“Max is wonderful," you say, your voice cracking imperceptibly. "We're just dealing with the usual pre-wedding stress, you know?"

Kennedy nods, but you don’t miss how her eyes shrink slightly in suspicion. She knows something is wrong, but thankfully, she assumes you’re telling her the truth and that the stress is about the wedding and not the actual terrible truth.

You feed her a couple more details to derail the beast, and she’s gone off your scent as a server comes to the table. A few minutes later, the food collection comes, and between your bits of some slightly dry chicken, the conversation drifts through floral arrangements and the upcoming bachelorette party. You finish your plate, pushing it to the side as you deeply discuss the possibility of flying into Vegas for one night. You find your lips being too dry for your liking, so while Kennedy rants about which clubs have the best VIP section, you lean over to grab your Dior gloss from your bag.

“Jesus, is that a hickey?” Kennedy's voice is laced with disbelief.

You quickly swat your hand up to the side of your neck, shocked that you could have missed something like that, so you try to play it off.

“What? No, of course not.”

Ken begins laughing so hard that a snort lets itself escape. She continues her fit until she's clutching her side, and a few older ladies at neighboring tables give her dirty looks.

“Oh my god, I didn’t know Max had that in him.” She lets out another giggle. “You better hope his mother doesn't come to lunch here today; she’d have a stroke.”

You don’t find her remotely funny, and you wish for nothing more than her to drop it. But knowing your best friend, stopping your utter humiliation isn't an option, and the tension building in your chest keeps growing as she pokes at it.

“Enough, Ken, please.” You finally snap.

Kennedy ceases her laughter and sits straighter in her chair, a confused, then slightly hurt, look crossing her features.

“God, (Y/N), I’m just having fun. What's up with you today? You have a massive stick up your ass.”

You scoff at her and roll your eyes. You know she’s right, but you don’t want to give her the satisfaction, and you’re not about to apologize. Instead, you return a stern look, and she raises an eyebrow.

“Seriously, (Y/N). Are you pissed that Max had to go to that extra safety demo this weekend instead of staying back to help?”

You shake your head rapidly. That isn't what's bugging you. In fact, you were thrilled when he told you about the impromptu trip. You were fucking ecstatic.

“I’m fine, Ken; I’m just in a mood. Is that a crime?”

She rolls her icy eyes back at you.

“It is a crime when you're supposed to be having the time of your life. You’ve waited so long for this and have been acting weird for a while.”

That statement gets you.

“What do you mean?” You grit out between clenched teeth. “I have been the perfect little bride to be for everyone.”

Kennedy is quick to stick it to you. “Maybe with other people, not with me. You don't want to talk about the wedding. You don’t want to talk about Max. Like, what the hell? I’m your best friend, and we are supposed to be doing this together.”

Her face starts growing red as she continues. “Are you mad at me? Did I do something?”

“No.” You almost break down, knowing you have to tell her. “You didn’t.”

“Then what?”

It rises in your throat, and you know your entire world is about to burn.

“I’m cheating on Max.”

[baycitystygian]

I know I generally embrace being autistic but today the hardest parts of it were really in the foreground for the entire fucking exhausting day… having auditory issues on a VERY important phone call that I needed to make and fighting for my life to understand what the poor sweet insurance lady was saying because the audio was so distorted… having a way-too-long discussion with my sister where I (1) promised to “castrate [her baby daddy] like a hog” for ghosting her and genuinely meant it (thinking about stuffing his nards as a wall trophy tbh, if he doesn’t wanna be a dad so badly then surely it’s no loss to him!) and (2) argued with her about laws that are stupid and shouldn’t apply to her situation (that’s a long story)… which probably did not make her feel any bit better and honestly I think both of us are much more stressed out afterwards. like some situations get me so outrageously mad that I literally cannot handle it and I need to remove myself from the conversation because the other person isn’t budging because it’s something they have zero influence over and they are just trying to explain the damn thing but it’s Wrong in my eyes so I feel the need to argue my case and how the fuck does anyone put up with me

like I know I don’t go into much detail about personal issues on here (or much of anything re: IRL me) but uh. that’s a huge thing I struggle with and I have no clue how to change it. It’s like, does no one else have common sense? Why can’t anyone else see this? and it feels like screaming into the void and it makes me feel terrible and it only stresses out the other person who is Not Getting Paid Enough (well, at ALL) to deal with Whatever This Is

[aneenasevla]

Devil's Food - Chapter 20

MasterList /Ayami’s Profile / Previous

Chapter 20 - Punishment

The noise from the headphones wasn't loud enough for his senses to miss the girl's presence at his bedroom door. He got up and took out one of the plugs.

“Whaaaaaaat?!” he almost growled at his cousin.

“Congratulations, Raian” Karla said, clapping her hands and sitting on one of the chairs at the table in his room. “When I thought I was the queen of shame, you came and usurped my place. I'm relieved and impressed, thank you.”

Raian was confused. What? Just because he also scared off his candidate? Which happened to be a thousand times worse than Tokita?

“What are you talking about, Succubus?” Raian sits down “I didn’t destroy half of the old man’s mansion…”

“Ah, but I didn't destroy anyone's integrity and dignity” Karla raises her eyebrow, looking at her nails “so I think at least we're even…”

“Pfhah, if you're talking about that Mouse, I just did what you wanted. If she needed a punishment, I created the perfect one. Now she will never mess with us again.”

“Punishment?” the younger assassin raises an eyebrow “And what exactly did she do?”

“Don't tell me you don't know, girl. I overheard you and Hollis talking in the office two days ago.”

“And how much did you hear, Raian? Listening to the conversation of others is bad, you know…?”

“I've heard enough. And it's not illegal when they were just talking about something I should have known from the start. If they wanted me to torture her, they should have told me right away, instead of making a fool of myself.”

“Torture?” Karla blinks on purpose, her fingers on her head “now I'm curious, Raian, what the hell did you hear?!”

Raian was increasingly confused. He took off his headphones and turned off his cell phone's music player.

“Uh, that damn Mousie and her family betrayed our clan and she was sold to us so we wouldn't end up with them... Hollis was an idiot, he could have solved this by killing everyone instead of handing her over to me so that I got rid of. Well, you're welcome” he smiles mischievously.

Karla massages her temples, suddenly stressed. How could that creature, basically a combat genius, one hundred percent Removal, be so stupid and inconsequential?

And the idiot was still feeling like “the big shot” for having solved the problem.

”Uuughhh… I’m glad her family had really fucked up first so we don’t owe anything, otherwise I would have punched you myself, Raiaannn…”

“I didn't do anything wrong, you're the ones who got me into this mess!”

“She's right, Devil” they hear Hollis' voice before seeing him “this would be a case of harassment if they hadn't done something to us first.”

“But, what- Moral Harassment?! Are you a criminal lawyer now, Hollis? One more charge accumulated, what the fuck?”

“I don't need to be a lawyer to know that humiliating a girl in public is harassment, idiot” Hollis rolls his eyes “and she's not to blame for anything.”

“She didn't do anything about the fraud, her father did” Karla continues “her father has already been punished and is being held in prison.”

Raian grunts “It doesn't change the fact that she was sold by her father, practically as a slave for us.”

“She didn't was sell out, idiot, she sacrificed herself to save her family,” Hollis corrects, “she made a deal with us, that she was going to subordinate to us completely, she was going to take over her company and working for us in exchange for we not murdering everyone. Unlike you, we only shed blood if we have to, and they are more valuable to us alive.”

Raian stares at the two of them, a little confused but definitely surprised, mouth half-open, still sitting on the back of the bed. He could have said something constructive, yes, but does absolutely nothing and lets out a huff as he shrugs.

“Meh, it's not my problem. She was still a lil’ mouse who wanted to marry me to gain an advantage…”

“And you could gain rights to the Yamagami company, and erase once and for all the chance of them turning against us again! Beyond that, she is from an ancient lineage that we could have taken advantage of” Hollis crosses his arms, “By the way, if you hadn't scared the girl away, or rather, humiliated her and destroyed her integrity with all the clan, she might still had a chance with others in line, remember?”

That thought made Raian growl, for reasons other than the man's complaint, so many that he had to hold back and say to himself he didn't care for that bullshit to calm down. He didn't want to think about her… not anymore. That moment in the lake never happened.

“Should have thought of that Before throwing her at me, idiot” he says low, threatening, and waves his hand “Now leave before I kick you out. She's already gone, and that's it. If they make any other foolishness, I'll go after them myself and finish them off, as I, the Devil, am made for. End of story. And don't try to find anyone else for me. A lesson is only learned once.”

Karla gets up from her chair “Great, we're talking. But you won't get through this with impunity, Raian.”

“Bleh, bleh, when you take the Matriarch's place I think about respecting you, Succubus” he rolls his eyes as the girl leaves. Look at Hollis “what's the matter, plush wig? Are you sad because you lost your secretary?”

“No. I'm just in awe of your ability to fuck everything up.”

“No, uh-huh, I fixed your shit, it's different. I do not fuck up, I make things happen and get the job done.”

“Whatever” Hollis shakes his head, uncrossing his arms “but what amazes me the most is that you, unlike Karla, who is actually sociable, shooed away the only woman who really seemed to care about you, especially one who asked about you when you were outside. The only one who wasn't even afraid of you, and actually missed you.”

Raian was quiet. He watched his cousin leave and close the door. He growled low.

“Fuck” he silenced his thoughts in an uproar by what he just heard “I don't need her. I don't need anyone.”

…

“Here it is” the man handed the papers to the lawyer “all production assets, company shares, and legal rights, everything is now in your name, and with replacement indications for Mr. Akito Yamagami, his brother, as soon as he reaches the age of majority, in case something happens. And here's the Seal, miss” hands over a small box “all banking and accounting processes will be in the system starting tomorrow.”

“Thank you” Ayami bows to the person in charge “I will do everything possible to be a good CEO. As I am the daughter of the real owner, several of the employees know me, so I believe that an event will not be necessary…”

“It's a shame, normally a party cheers up the employees.” He shrugs, adjusting his sunglasses and leaning back in his chair. He was a very burly man, his hair thinning with baldness.

“Yeah, I know, but under the circumstances, I don't think I’m in the mood for celebrations. There's a lot of work to do before smiling.”

“I know, Miss Yamagami, I’m fully aware of your situation” the man nods “anyway, I hope your family continues to provide us with quality products, as is expected of your clan…”

“Oh no… my family hasn't been a clan for generations. But yes, the league tradition of our weapons is under exclusive patent, I sought to renew it as soon as I found out.”

“Heh, I foresee more of this good future between our families, miss.” As he is seated, he extends a hand. She holds it politely but squeezes it firmly “Thank you for continuing to do business with us.”

“I still hope you continue to accept our business, Sir Horioh Kure” she nods, as she drops her hand and straightens up “Excuse me now…” She bows again and leaves the room.

Horioh watched her leave, fingers joined, and watched as she closed the door. “Hm. That bastard… I didn't really believe it when I found out, but now…” he shakes his head “hnf, bad luck for him, indeed.”

Next Chapter Here

[soil-just-needs-water-to-be]

Chapter three

Word count :1941

I think we all hate/hated school as much as matty in this fanfiction , I swear if I had the courage to walk out and act up I’d be exactly like this 🙄😂

I trudge through the halls pulling my rucksack straps around me before sliding into my English class all ther way to my seat in the back next to my friend Jamie I place my rucksack on the table infront of me and pull my phone out of my pocket again and put my earphones in to listen to music after picking a playlist I go back to Pub-G and open my messages sending George a quick message with my number and Snapchat attached explaining that it's easier to talk there I then rest my head on the table as I wait for the teacher to come , sleep once again overcoming me slowly

Again just before I have time to fully succumb to sleep my phone vibrates on the table I pick it up to see a Snapchat alert from the same user as Pub-G , I smile as I open it and swiftly accept it and quickly send him a quick snap of my hair with a simple "fancy seeing you here ". A reply doesn't come straight away so I gather he is in class now and actually working .

Just at that my teacher decided to make an arrival. I roll my eyes immediately as he starts talking and slowly sink into my chair avoiding his gaze at all costs because I just know he will be all over me for answers because I'm so far getting an A* for this class but I really don't want to be talking to anyone right now. The buzz of the classroom keeps me awake only slightly as everyone conversates over something or other and I have my phone glued to my hand again in wait of George's snap , which doesn't take to much longer to come through. I receive a snap from him , it's full face and damn is that a good looking man , not that I'm gay but I can very much appreciate a good looking chap , his eyes do how ever seem to be just as blown as mine and red rimmed , his face is broken out in a wild smile and his hair is trapped under his hood , with a simple caption of "Yooo dude "

I smile to myself at the obvious stoner I have befriended , I then take another picture but this time making sure I get my whole face in , leaning on my hand as I take it "Bro you look wrecked...are you okay?honestly ?"

His reply comes through momentarily another of his face but looks like he's rolling his eyes dramatically "nah man ...shit sucks right now but I'll be fine "

I look around to make sure no one is looking at me as I can't really hear anything then quickly snap another pick of me making a stupid face hopefully cheering him up a little "you sure don't wanna talk about it ay?". Helping someone through there struggles might help me forget for a little while why I'm so tense and stressed.

The replies are getting faster so it get another almost instantaneously his face still in the shot still looking done with life...I can relate "just girls man...broke up with my girl the other day ...well she broke up with me ". I feel bad for the dude , break ups are tough especially at his age , I know I'm not that much older than him but geez I was even more on edge then than I am now and that's saying something so if he's anything like me he's got to be struggling like mad right now

I send another snap of a stupid face back but this time with a video and I flip my teacher off from behind my screen , again hoping to maybe cheer him up "that's tough man ...any reason why ?".

I don't get a picture snap this time just a message "she thinks I don't care about anything ...I'm too laid back ...don't care about my future ...I don't have any "real" ambition and she also hated that I got so into weed " I scoff as I read the message as Ive heard that too much in my life from girls. They're pretty but they suuuuuck.

I must have scoffed louder than I thought I had , after being pulled out of my own little world by Mr Lezdon

"Mr Healy , is there something you'd like to share ....also please remove your bag from the table it should be long gone by now "

"No sir sorry I just hiccuped ...I'm so sorry " I move my rucksack into my lap so I can slouch  on it with my arms wrapped softly around it. I try to pay attention but my hands were itching to take my phone back out so I opt for drumming hands on my lap and resting my head back onto my desk while listening to Mr lezdon talk about symbolism and juxtapositions between two poems that we had been reading. Man I should have slept last night I'm really struggling right now. I have an apiffany and raise my hand and ask to go to the bathroom. I'm allowed out this one time I take my phone out and reply back to George "I'm so sorry that must really suck girls really take a lot out of a guy ". I take this as an opportunity to sneak out for another zoot , If I'm going to stay here all day I really need this. It's not going to help with my tiredness really but anything to ease the dull throbbing vibrating through me, to still the buzzing in my brain. It's go to be quick though. My phone vibrates in my pocket once again I see another text reply from George "yeh I'm just done right now I know it's lame cuz she's just a girl but we were going strong and I guess I'm young but I thought we had a good thing ...but what can you do ,"

I smile again as I manage to get outside without being spotted and take another  zoot and the lighter out of my trousers pocket. It's slightly flat due to the pressure between my thighs and trousers but it will do. After taking a video of me with the zoot lit and between my lips captioned by "just have a zoot bro  " I get a quick reply of laughing emojis straight back with a "smoking is bad for you Matthew " not so long after

I take about five minute to myself to finish my joint and just bask in the quiet and the fresh air before I go back inside. It's so hard to find time for myself at the moment there sooo much to be getting on with. The joint calmed me down quite a bit more than the last one had so after making my way back to class I get back to my seat after a few glares from people who I know 100% knew what I was doing. I reply to George quickly with a cheeky emoji and said "I know but I'm bad for me " meant to be as a joke but maybe not sounding so. For the rest of the class I just lay with my head resting on my arm on the desk as the world moves on by around me .

The rest of the morning up until break time flies by not paying attention in most classes and sitting with Jamie half asleep brings him to speak to me at break time

"Hey mate are you okay ? " I pressed a supportive hand on the small of my back as we make our way through the crowd of teenagers as we go outside to meet Ross

"M' fine " I keep my head down as I'm in the mist of a banging headache and I just want out of the noise for a bit "honestly just tired ay "

"I know Ross has probably said and your mum ...but your not giving yourself time to be at peace right now Matty....you do so much in a day ...have barley anything to eat ...and your not sleeping right ...can you promise you'll tell us if anything gets to much " . He pauses us in the hallway and lifts my head up with my chin so I'm looking directly into my eyes . I nod nonchalantly "I'm fine Jay honestly...everyone needs to stop worrying "

"Promise me ?"

"Alright ...fine I promise " I roll my eyes at him this time and continue walking . I love my mates so much but my god to they worry too much.

"Good " . We reach the back gate as I pull out a cigarette out of my also crushed packet and light it quickly relishing in the rush of nicotine floating through my body i slouch against the back wall and close my eyes and let the cigarette consume me while Jamie is talking away when Ross comes over. I  cant decipher every part of the conversation but it takes me a minute to realise they're talking to me. Ross nudges me slightly shaking me off balance "Matty mate ??"

"Huh ... I wasn't paying attention...what did you say ?" I look at them properly now giving them my full attention while taking another long drag

"Jay and I were wandering if you'd like to come back to his after school, some drinks , just to relax for a bit " . They look at me with hopeful grins "you've been on edge for weeks now you need it ?"

It's true I have been quite skittish and on edge for a while now. "I'm sorry guys , I've got work tonight then I've got to look after Loiue for a little while, you can see me at work though and help me look after Lou if you'd like ?"

"I can come see you at work" Jay isn't much round at mine so that makes sense

"Yeh I ain't seen the little dude in a while so I could come over bring some drinks and we can just chill while we look after him ? , Would you mum mind ? . Ross loves my house he was there most days before work and GCSEs got the better of us

"No I'm sure she won't mind so long as lou is in bed by 8 and we don't make to much noise " I smile and get slightly more excited at the prospects of seeing my best friend after school like we used too "thank you Ross "

"You don't have to thank me mate... we're just really worried about you and your mental health right now...and we want you to be okay " . Our conversation is interrupted by the noise of the bell ringing through everywhere alerting us it's time to go back in

"Guys seriously I'm fine stop worrying " I nod to them both before making my way back inside. I've got maths next. Let's so how this goes down it never goes well. I take out my phone again putting my headphones back in and realising I have at least 2 messages from my mum reminding me about looking after Lou later and asking if I've eaten . Shit I forgot , I message back a little white lie saying that I had as to not upset her. Then I see George has sent a snap

It's just his face again looking a little more awake this time "what do you mean by not being good for yourself "

Snapping back with what I mean expressing that im usually my own worst enemy and that it's not always the best thing for me to be me or in my head . Im sure he'd understand

[i-can-even-burn-salad]

7. how does receiving or not receiving feedback/support impact you?

Thank you for the ask! From this ask game.

Welp. The amounts of posts I have typed up, shared with friends, then deleted again...

So, let’s start with Tumblr. Because honestly, it just makes me sad. There are so many posts out there, telling people to “create for themselves” and “no one owes you notes” - most often in reply to other posts, showing a several hundred reblogs to several thousand likes ratio (or dozens to hundreds) and complaining about it.

So I want to clarify, when I say “no feedback” I mean literally next to none.

Fun statistic time: In July, I did some experiments. I posted from not-so-whumpy novella length story with daily updates, some plain gory torture, some environmental whump, some recovery, some human, some nonhuman, most belonging to series, some standalone pieces. In total, I published about 50 posts, containing roughly 80k words.

If I remove the two people who, without fail, like every single one of my posts (I’d never remove you, my friends 💜 but damn, you got free reign of my google docs already :D), and the “obligatory” reblogs of the events I joined, I had a middle of 1,7 likes and 0,4 reblogs per post. That’s uh... yeah. If I did not have support outside that, I’d probably be crying into my pillow.

I am writing it for myself, but I am posting it for people to read. It took me ages to figure out a routine that lets me set up a post in a few minutes, instead of 20 like it used to be. And if no one reads it, I might as well save myself the trouble, you know? There’s no counter here, no statistic, if one doesn’t at least press the like button, there’s no way for me to know I didn’t just throw my stuff into the void.

Some days, the only thing that keeps me posting is a) hating unfinished things and b) thinking that one day, someone might stumble upon it and like it. Someone did, recently, and it made my whole fucking month. But, to be quite frank, for every new work, I will think twice if I will start putting it here. It is, for me, a huge commitment.

I enjoy rereading my work, and correcting little mistakes, and I either have to do that in several places - now including Tumblr - or live with the eternal shame of knowing somewhere out there is a typo.

I still get nervous about posting some things, even if I don’t show it here, but some of my friends are used to a trembling pile of me sitting in their pocket, running in circles, whispering “I’m sure this will be the piece that will make me get anon hate”. 

I have been clinging to the “at least one post per week” schedule since January, stressing myself out when the chapter I’m gonna need soon isn’t coming along as quickly as I need it.

I love this place, and I won’t stop posting here (at least not until all of my stories are finished, who knows what comes after that). But if I didn’t have my friends, I wouldn’t have written half of what I wrote in the last months. And while I found some of those friends on Tumblr, that support isn’t in notes on this site.

Between “this was unclear” and “this was heartbreaking” and “are you sure you didn’t mean ‘into’”, my writing got better. I have handed at least 50 “, and” over to be devoured. I’ve added full chapters, following a conversation pointing out missing details. Knowing that there’s one or two people out there who will want to read it makes me put things on paper that otherwise would remain in my daydreams.

I am creating for myself, first and foremost. But if I didn’t intend to share, the shape it would take would be much less... cohesive.

[shutupholden]

What’s On My Shelf #3: Punch-Drunk Love (2002)

This week, we’re stepping into the Criterion Closet!

Actually, it’s just a little shelf in the corner of my room dedicated to my relatively modest collection of Criterion films. I say “relatively modest” because I might have close to 100 films in my Criterion collection (counting individual films included in box sets), but there are people like this guy who own every film Criterion has released on Blu-ray, DVD, and Laserdisc. I can’t commit to anything that hard. Nor can I afford to.

It was 2021 when I discovered the Criterion Collection, and in just the first few months of collecting I spent more money than I’d like to admit here. I am happy to report, though, that these purchases are far less frequent than they used to be and usually only occur during sales. That being said, yes: one of those purchases did occur a few days ago.

Now then! Enough about my poor spending habits. Let’s just get to the film in the title.

Adam Sandler in Punch-Drunk Love.

One of the films I purchased during those first few months of collecting was Paul Thomas Anderson’s Punch-Drunk Love, a quirky romantic comedy-drama starring Adam Sandler. In a huge departure from the typical low-brow comedy films that made him a movie star, Sandler plays Barry Egan, a lonely and socially anxious entrepreneur who’s having one hell of a week.

He’s got seven sisters who torment him all the time, so he’s prone to fits of rage. He calls a phone sex line to chat about his feelings and ends up being extorted for cash by the operator and her boss (Philip Seymour Hoffman). He discovers a loophole in a promotion for Healthy Choice that could earn him a million frequent-flyer miles, and all he’s gotta do is buy ton of pudding. Oh yeah, and he meets and falls in love with his sister’s co-worker, but what’s really important is the PUDDING!

Emily Watson and Adam Sandler in Punch-Drunk Love.

I remember watching this for the first time on Netflix late one night when I didn’t really feel like going to sleep, and I was so entranced by it. I don’t watch a ton of romance films, but for whatever reason this one really affected me. The story is as funny and sweet as it is intense and stressful. Robert Elswit’s cinematography is gorgeous, Jon Brion’s score has some of my favorite musical moments of any film I’ve ever seen, and Philip Seymour Hoffman continues to prove that even in a small supporting role, he was one of the greatest to ever do it.

Philip Seymour Hoffman and Adam Sandler in Punch-Drunk Love.

I think what resonated with me most of all the first time I watched this film was Adam Sandler’s performance. As someone who’s socially anxious and kind of a loner, I think I saw a bit of myself in Barry Egan. I know what it’s like to not like myself sometimes, to lash out, to avoid situations that might actually bring me some significant personal growth because it’s easier to just close yourself off than to face potential embarrassment, rejection, etc. It’s my favorite Adam Sandler performance, and it’s undoubtedly one of the finest of his career.

Adam Sandler in Uncut Gems.

The last time I watched Punch-Drunk Love, I made it a double feature with Uncut Gems. There’s an episode of the A24 Podcast that I love to go back and listen to because it features a fascinating conversation between Paul Thomas Anderson and the Safdie brothers about what it was like working with Adam Sandler on their respective films, and I was like, “Damn, that’d actually be an insane double feature.” And it was.

Remember those things I said earlier about Punch-Drunk Love being funny and sweet but also intense and stressful? Uncut Gems is kind of the same, only the Safdies remove the funny, remove the sweet, and pile on several more heaping shitloads of stress. Watching these films back to back gave me whiplash, not only because of those differences, but because the transition from underdog Barry Egan to sleazy Howard Ratner was incredibly jarring. Usually if you watch two Adam Sandler movies back to back, Sandler’s just playing Sandler in both of them, but that is not the case here. Not the case at all.

So yeah, I’m just gonna say it: the guy who made Jack and Jill has range.

Emily Watson and Adam Sandler in Punch-Drunk Love.

If I haven’t made it obvious, Punch-Drunk Love is one of my favorites. I cannot recommend it enough. If you’re a fan of the Sandman, check it out ASAP.

[herriblog]

Week 35/36

I am on my second pregnancy. I am in my Week 36. I was having difficulty in sleeping at night. I always had to put two-three pillows under my head to sleep. Somewhere about week 28, I had this same issue, and i slept with two pillows and a neck pillow. After a while, my upper back would hurt so I would remove one pillow and sleep at my side. But this time, everything is not comfortable. I just feel like I am going to die lying down. I even tried to take piriton to calm myself down but I can't. I finally slept at 2plus last night. It brought back memories of my slipped disc. I remember to kill my time during the night, I would randomly chat with people on whisper. But this time, I do not have the mood, motivation to chat with other people especially on whisper knowing that they are there for one main reason; Hook ups. It's very hard to get someone to have a heart to heart conversation without them thinking that you can be something more. Yes, you may say why don't you chat with your spouse? He has had a whole day of working. Busy. Tons on his mind. I am just going to add in more stress to his already stressful day. Even if I share, he is probably going to just say relax, it is all going to be fine. This anxiety is a killer. Reassuring your loved one like that or any other way isn't going to cut it. I did the same thing to him many years ago when he had anxiety, until he switched off sharing what he experiences.

I feel like as though I am too bloated up that causes me to feel this. But at the same time, I am hungry. I don't want to eat because it will make me feel more bloated and feel more breathlessness. I started to have these palpitations every 3-5 mins. I do not know if its normal or should I get it checked out. I googled it and they say its normal. But I never felt like this during my last pregnancy. I know. I know. Every pregnancy is different. I do not want to feel like a hypochondriac. I've already been googling every single symptom that I have. It's not helping.

To add on to my whole emotions, My friend had texted me and told me that the areas that I cover are being distributed out to my other colleagues permanently. So it seems like my boss is trying to get rid of me. Boss actually said that since I have not been around in most of the areas and the department HODs want someone permanent there (which sounds like im always on HL, but she makes it sound like I sneak off somewhere to get rid of work, which i do but i still come back to the departments to check on them in the afternoon). I told her that as much as I feel horrible being in this department and that I plan to leave this area, it should not affect me. I take more leaves than anyone in the department. I do not contribute (I used to but I always get slammed down). And I already have intentions of leaving the department to either do part time nursing or agency nursing. I keep telling myself that I shouldn't feel bad or upset. But I still do. I told my husband about this and he said she shouldn't have texted you this especially at this time. It is causing unnecessary stress on me which I agree to. She clearly knows I am not coming back to work. Why make it sound like my boss is trying to get rid of me. it may mean that I am not going to be around for the rest of the year so she is giving it to others.

So in short, I feel damn lousy. I think I feel depress that I am not going to work and top it off, my son went to school today after almost a week of not going to school so I feel lonely.

I think I should just take up the trip to KL with my husband and be away from all this. But at the same time, I am also worried about my son who has grown attached to me. He is always finding me somewhere in the house to get me to be with him. I wonder if he will be able to sleep with the new helper, Khawl (She is about 1.5 months old). I am so fickle minded.

Thats all for today.

[chimeracreations-art]

Commission price update next month and goat be pissed

frustrated atm and going to changing around thing i thing here soon, basically the way I've been advancing my prices is not working for my current situation so thing are going to be bumping up a lot to try and compensate for it.

Prices are taking a much bigger bump than i initially was planning for next month but I'm also removing the NSFW fee as with the price jump it just perfunctory at this point and all my commission are nsfw so it doesn't fucking mater anymore. So the price for a shaded pic is going to be 150 USD baseline going forward as atm if i can do 8 of those i can cover all my bills for the most part and finally put some money away so i can protect myself during bad month or take a god damn break one a year. Alongside that and this one is a little 50/50 i might make it mandatory to do use my google form as I FUCKING HATE having to go through all the accounts i have to check to see if someone want a commission and the form make it so much more easier to just find everything in one place.

that tends to be the crux of the problem is I STILL don't have enough time to do much beyond work and when i do it ends up biting me in the ass as i NEED even more money when some bullshit crops up like for example my power bill double again from last month 130 to 260, casue of the damn heat we been getting in GA atm is insane. this intern stressed me out making me slow and sucks away any and all joy out of me working/wanting to conversate with anything or anyone. so big price bump is just need as i don't want to become as bitter and constantly angry again in my life. the new sheet will be made soon-ish as i going to be trying to include a few thing to maybe help with the jump such as doing different prices for busts and what not as iv seen other artists do that but everything will be a base 55 + as anything lower is just not sound as it doesn't make enough for me to weren't taking on the time investment.

also i going to make a patreon tier for 5 buck that gets you a small discount on commission for 5 bucks that is something to consider soon.

[celestialpotat0]

Rest in peace, dear Aunt Helene

If i had to describe today in only one word, the word would be brutal.

this past week ive been a mess... i had a doctor appt scheduled on my day off, i was sitting in the waiting room crying mainly about my aunt, then when i went in to see the physician i told myself i was going to hold the tears in. they did an ekg on me, i was relieved that i was allowed to just lay there instead of converse, because it gave me an excuse to close my eyes and tell myself to not to cry. when the md came in and asked me about me being upset because staff members had witnessed me crying in the waiting room, at first i told her it was nothing, i was ok. but she pressed on, and the tears came spilling out. it was embarrassing, i felt pathetic for being emotionally weak.

that night, i tried sleeping but i lay awake in bed for most of the night, stressing about my aunt. and i ended up getting only 1 hr of sleep before i had to wake up for work. the next night i couldnt sleep for a long time again.

i flew home saturday, spent most of saturday and sunday in the hospital with my aunt.

today, i held onto her hand and caressed it, standing by her side during her final moments. it was heart-wrenching to monitor her HR, SpO2, and RR when we removed life support, i.e., extubated. at first she was super tachycardic and super tachypneic... for the next three hours she continued to breathe on her own. her vitals were all over the place. body fighting to survive. watched her become super bradycardic, SpO2 drop and drop and drop, eventually she took her last breath, asystole, HR 0, RR 0.

i believe she was able to peacefully and comfortably go. yes, the body is under stress so the vitals and numbers look alarming af. but i think she wasn't in pain or discomfort. and this is what she wouldve wanted rather than prolonging her life in a way that she didn't want. i described her final hours purely just to say that death in general is so brutal, which is to say that life is so damn precious.

i'm going to miss her. it's so sad that she had the infections. so many memories. she worked so hard throughout her life, was a strong mother, experienced difficult times. i cant believe i wont be able to see her smile again. it hurts. how irreversible death is. but this shit happened and the only way to move forward and heal is for me to become a better person bc of this. Life is short and I'm going to hold my loved ones closer and try to treat them better. This gave me a different perspective where a lot of my previous complaints are so trivial now, and why am i complaining when im alive and not fighting to stay alive. i also just care so little now about things that i used to waste my time on, like social media and clickbait articles.

I also lost my Uncle Eddie and Aunt Helene's husband recently. I hadnt seen either of them since before covid. I wanted to write about those two different events too but i just never got a chance to due to time constraints.

thank you to my friends who moved around times to hang out with me yesterday and today due to me having to be in the hospital. thank you to all the health care workers working on their weekend. to the compassionate angels that are nurses. thank you to people (including my PCP) who listened to me and supported me.

leaving on a trip today and will not have wifi or phone service for this week. part of me is anxious about the fact that my emails will pile up impossibly high and i wont be able to respond to people who email me. but what this experience with Aunt Helene has taught me is that there are certain things that truly matter, and getting anxious about work is just a waste of this precious life ive been gifted.

ive also been nodding off repeatedly throughout writing this so this post very well might not make sense. i have to be up in about 5 hrs and am extremely exhausted from barely sleeping this past week. but i really had to write in here before i went to sleep.

[frogtanii]

“hi everyone,” you gave your webcam a half hearted wave, noting the flood of inquisitive comments at your demeanor.

ynismymommy: omg queen r u ok??????

emilia.95: Have you been sleeping?

atsumus-leftballsack: bestie imma need you to invest in some concealer

a giggle pried it’s way up your throat, despite your attempts to stop it as you read the comments. yes, you were fully aware that you looked like shit however, you just weren’t expecting the viewers of your stream to be so... observant.

“holy shit guys, i’m okay,” you attempted to placate your vicious audience by giving them a (forced) smile and a small chuckle. “let’s just play, okay?”

you loaded up your game of choice (call of duty — you had a lot of aggression to work off) while making idle chatter with your fanbase. they seemed to have dropped conversation about your heavy eye bags and low enthusiasm in favor of more lighthearted topics.

just as you were starting to get into it, a knock sounded at your door. at first, you were tempted to ignore it but after a few moments of silence, the knocking started up again, more incessantly. your comments started to go wild, wondering who exactly was banging on your door at like 11p.

bokutos.bahamamommamilkers: tell whoever is @ the door to fuck off

shartyba3_420: damn slam me yn like [redacted] is slamming on that door

Greg_72: Hey, you can go answer that! We’ll wait <3

you apologize quickly before removing your headphones and scurrying over to the door. swinging it wide open, you’re met with bokuto.

and what a sight he is.

once bright, golden eyes were now dull and void, accompanied by dark circles that rivaled your own while his usually sunny visage was dampened by this metaphorical dark cloud that was hanging above him.

in other words, he looked like shit.

the both of you must look like quite a pair — you in your ratty, oversized hoodie and red sweats and him in his white t shirt and flannel pajama pants. after giving him another glance over, you repressed the urge to pull him into your room and into a hug, instead choosing to wrap your arms around yourself tightly.

“um, hey bo,” you started, unable to keep your eyes on his face. “i’m really sorry but i’m streaming right now. maybe we can hang out later?”

bokuto shook his head no, and your heart began to sink. you were just so tired and you didn’t have the energy to entertain or comfort the man at the moment without letting another piece of yourself crumble but you knew you didn’t have the heart to turn him away.

resigning yourself to your fate, you stepped to the side to let him into your room, making a mental note to shield him from your webcam while you brought him to lie on your bed.

to your complete and utter surprise, bokuto did not move, shaking his head no again before moving to grab something just out of your sight behind your doorway.

you were now thoroughly intrigued, shuffling closer to peek into the hallway, only to be stopped by a box being thrusted into your hands. you looked over the colorfully painted cardboard but it gave you no indication as to what was on the inside and glancing at kotarou gave you no help whatsoever.

“what’s this?” you voiced your confusion while weighing the box in your hands, the confusion only amplifying when you discover the box is suspiciously light. you’re shaken from your investigation when bokuto throws another object in your hands, this one significantly heavier.

looking up at him, you’re taken aback by the emotion swirling in his irises, his mouth finally parting to speak. “i’m so sorry,” kotarou’s voice, while gravelly from disuse, was sincere, a slight quiver being found underlying his words. “i- i know i never said it but i just want you to know that i-i care about you and that i am so sorry for ever hurting you and making you feel like you were less than. y-you’ve helped me become myself again a-and i can never thank you enough.”

a shuddering breath left his chest as he trained his eyes on the ceiling before looking back at you with watery eyes. “you don’t have to forgive me. i-i’d understand.” you opened your mouth to respond, to rebut, but you were cut off by his strong arms, wrapping you up in a tight hug.

you couldn’t keep yourself from melting into his hold, a small ounce of stress leaving your body at his words but the bulk of it remaining. he’s just apologizing because you’re the only girl who’s shown him an ounce of kindness, the voice in the back of your head whispered.

as bokuto pulled you in tighter, you stiffened, the voice getting louder and more constant. the man holding you didn’t miss the way you tensed and hesitantly removed himself from you, his hurt written plain all over his face.

kotarou gave you a weak smile and another gentle apology before turning and leaving for his room. you already felt guilt creeping up your spine for not holding him the way you thought you should but you quickly pushed the feeling down, knowing that you wouldn’t have gotten the rest you deserved if you’d done so.

letting out a deep sigh, you shut your door and moved back to continue your stream, not before gently setting down the 2 colorfully decorated boxes on the bed, a small smile creeping across your face at the sight of the gifts.

your stream ended pretty shortly after, your mind unable to focus on the game — it was getting borderline embarrassing how often you were dying to the point you were worried your sponsors would pull out of supporting you.

with a soft smile and goodbye, you collapsed on your bed, mindful not to crush the boxes. while you were extremely exhausted, you knew you wouldn’t be able to go to sleep without examining your gifts’ contents.

you decided to open the heavier box first which yielded bag after bag of your favorite chips, candies, and drinks. you knew your mouth was gaping unattractively but you couldn’t help it. this was... way too much.

at the bottom of the box was a small note, written in bokuto’s somehow endearing chicken scratch. it read, “hi yn!!!! this is for when you get hungry :) i know i didn’t let you eat any of my snacks for a long time so i thought it would be nice if i bought some for you!!!!! i hope i got these all right :( i asked atsumu for help!!!”

a choked chuckle escaped your lips and it only amplified as you continued to the end of the note. “p.s. don’t worry about not finishing it all!!! i can always help you ;) p.p.s. also you’re so pretty!!!! don’t not eat it because you don’t think so too <3”

wiping your eyes that had become suspiciously misty, you set down the slip of paper and reached for the second box.

you couldn’t keep the gasp from coming from you as the cardboard overflowed with tiny slips of paper. with shaky hands, you unfolded the first paper, the tears overflowing over your lashline before you could stop them.

you are loved :) - akaashi

“fuck,” you whispered, swiping at your face before clumsily reaching for another, and then another, each note making you cry harder than the last.

you are beautiful!!!!! never change!! - bokuto!!!

you’re really cool - kenma

you are so kind and i owe you the world - sugawara :)

you’re sympathetic, observant, and intelligent. - sakusa.

you are patient (even when we don’t deserve it) - kuroo

yer my angel <3 - tsum tsum

there were a ton more but you promised yourself you’d read them all later, your emotions getting the better of you. you’d rather not wake up with puffy, swollen eyes and a headache so you decided it would be best to close the box and finish it all later.

laying back on your bed, you expelled a deep breath of air, not realizing just how tense you were. you’d been living on edge with the guys for at least a month now and it was really starting to wear on you.

without being able to fully trust them, you knew it wouldn’t be long until you crumbled under the pressure.

you glanced at your phone before sighing again (it really was that kind of day, wasn’t it). maybe it was about time to give dr yamada a long awaited call.

℗ poker face

you are loved :)

series masterlist

(●’◡’●)ﾉ

an - ooweee first single apology down, 4 more to go!!! also the box of papers came from everyone (obv) but they still gotta give their individual apologies hehe which shall come in the future <33 sorry this took so long KSJD i hope u enjoy!!! don’t forget to feed me <333

taglist - if your name is in bold, i cannot tag you

@boosyboo9206 • @geektastic84 • @elianetsantana • @trashy-simp • @infinitebells • @6mattsun9 • @suhkusa • @sazunari • @kotarosbabygirl • @fucktheworlddude • @insomniacwreck • @calumsfringe • @saltylettuce • @chai-blu • @al3x1ss • @hawksyoongi • @syndellwins • @jooleuuh • @amberalisa • @kissungjae • @liberhoe • @tetsurocore • @animeoverdosee • @duhsies • @saikishairclip • @afire24 • @premiyagi • @kit-kat428 • @doctorspencereid • @daphnxy • @kyomihann • @maer-333 • @sinoflust19 • @peteunderoos • @peachiikichu • @iidanotlida • @yongboxerrr • @kac-chowsballs • @tanakaslastbraincell • @memorableminds • @risjime • @starry-magicshop • @sugavwara • @smuttyanimeslut • @kiwibirbs-library • @haijkk • @airybnb • @crybabygumi • @iwaisa • @decaffinatedtealover • @notameera • @kawaii-angelanne • @rintarovibes • @urlocalsimp

the rest of the tags will be in the replies!!

[peace-for-levi]

Isabel [Levi Ackerman x GN!Reader]

N.B: heya! if you're scrolling through the tags and thinking, "hey, i have read this before..." chances are you probably have! don't worry, this is not plagiarism. you read that on a - now - deleted blog (i had to restart for reasons i won't go into.) so i am reposting everything now!

synopsis: when levi's wife goes into labour, he has to drop the crude, cold façade he normally holds and be there in their time of need.

tw: possible inaccuracies as i have never been pregnant before LOL, reader is labouring, occasional use of she/her throughout, levi being soft ASF (self-indulgent all the way.)

--

You turned your head at the sound of the door and almost immediately, you felt the wintery gust flood through the narrow hallway of your house. You sucked in a breath, but you quickly smiled. After all, your husband had returned to your cosy cottage.

He shut the door behind him, and you saw him lean his head against it, heaving a great sigh. You frowned at how he almost always needed those few seconds to just process everything in his head before turning to face you. You instinctively brought a hand down to your swollen tummy - was this a good decision after all? Having a baby in these troubling, turbulent times?

But then he turned around again to face you and his face was illuminated by the amber-coloured light of the oil lamp. He saw you stirring the steaming pot of stew and his steely gaze softened immediately.

He smiled.

Don’t be silly, you chastised yourself for such thoughts, he’s happy with us.

Of course he was. He could calm down instantly looking at you. He walked over and shrugged off his forest green cloak and placed it on the counter next to you. War-torn hands reaching out and cupping your cheeks, he pressed his lips to your forehead. You felt his calloused thumbs rub against your temples and you leaned into his touch. Immediately his hands fell to your tummy and rubbed in circles.

“Dinner smells good,” he whispers softly against your lips, “how was your day?”

Dinner did smell good; nothing could beat some beef stew after a long day with your cast iron kettle hanging over the fire, right? He couldn’t wait until your bellies were filled and he could cosy up with you in front of the fire with a cup of black tea in his hand.

Your smile grew wider when he sank to his knees and nuzzled against your tummy. You were probably going to give birth in the next week or two. You lowered your right hand and allowed it to tread through his raven locks, your other hand still stirring to prevent any sticking to your pot.

“Eh…” you huffed out.

Levi pulled back for a bit. “Had an ‘eh’ day myself… What’s troubling you?”

“Just very crampy today and my back is killing me. Why did you have an ‘eh’ day?”

You almost laughed when you heard Levi’s heavy sigh, and it was a long sigh too. He closed his eyes as he recounted the disaster at HQ but… what with the amount of grief Levi had been through, there was very little that could faze him now.

Still, when he recounted to you that Hange accidentally launched one of their new projects - a thunder spear - into HQ and close to his office at that - while he was drinking his tea! - obviously he would be pretty livid. All that was destroyed in the fires of the aftermath were two bedrooms and a storage room, and thankfully no lives were lost, but he wasn’t going to forgive Hange for a while after this. You had to give him credit for his composure.

“I miss Hange, even in spite of these incidents.” You spoke.

You hadn’t seen Hange since you were discharged by Erwin at three months. Well, you had waved at her in the streets when you did your shopping for you and Levi and you might converse briefly, but she was always too busy to stop by for a chat. She did, however, say she’d be present for the birth.

“I bet he’d get along with Hange.”

“Still sure we’re having a boy?” your husband asked.

You yawned as exhaustion began to consume you more and more. “Yeah, he is giving me a lot of trouble like how his father used to.” You teased.

Levi only muttered something under his breath, and you weren’t quite sure what it was. He leaned back a bit and extended his index finger. “Oi, stop giving your mother a hard time. She’s tired.”

Another yawn. “I am, actually. I might pass on dinner tonight and just head to bed.”

Levi stood up again and eyed you curiously; wasn’t like you to skip dinner but he thought nothing of it. He mentioned he’d save some for you and with a chaste kiss to your lips, you made your way upstairs.

You opened the creaky, wooden door to your shared bedroom and when you disrobed, you rooted around for a clean nightgown in your drawers. You groaned as another sharp pain radiated around your lower back and pelvic area. You held onto the edge of the drawers with a white-knuckle grip. You had gotten cramps here and there before throughout your pregnancy, but these were just all-consuming. A few more whimpers and a few deep breaths though, and they subsided.

Hmm, weird, there’s no way it’s time already? I’m still a week or two early, you said to yourself. If he wants to come now, what will happen… would he be healthy?

You shook your head and made your way over to the bed, propping yourself up with a few pillows. It wasn’t long before Levi came into the room too with a candle in his hand before placing it down on his desk. As he removed his shirt, the dull light illuminated and highlighted his defined body. You smiled dozily at him and you were fast asleep before he could even climb into bed.

.

.

.

Awaking in the middle of the night with your husband’s arms wrapped around you was always a treat. He didn’t always sleep, and when he did, it was poor. But whenever his arms snaked around your chest with one hand resting on your tummy, you knew he was sleeping well. It gave you a chance to look at his unguarded and peaceful countenance.

You woke up with a feeling of heartburn that was hard to ignore so you decided a drink of water might be a good idea. You made your way downstairs, careful not to wake your sleeping husband. Leaning against the countertop once you reached the kitchen, you fetched yourself a glass of water and began to sip slowly.

Gulping the last bit down, you placed the glass in a sink and walked towards the stairs again… until you felt a gush of warm liquid flow down your legs.

Oh, crap!

You peered down at the pool of fluid between your legs that was now pooling in your hallway. Your mind froze and all you could do was stare for a few seconds.

“U-uh… Levi?!” you shrieked.

You heard a large thud from upstairs when he landed less than gracefully - unceremoniously, even - after jumping from your bed and he was quick to scurry down the stairs at the yell.

“What the hell?! Are you ok--?”

He stopped when his bare feet splashed against the pool of fluids between you both.

“Oh, my?” he questioned and peered down. “Is it that time already?”

You only blinked at his calmness at the situation. How was he not freaking out?! Your fingers moved to clench your soaking gown. He reached for your hands and walked you towards the front door. He stopped for a few seconds as he scratched his head in thought.

“Levi?!” you screeched at his silence.

He had to stay as calm as possible. It was something he was well used to, being a good captain and all. But it was so different in this situation. Seeing you panic like this and the gravity of the situation made him almost lose his composure. He was able to keep everything well hidden beneath his steely exterior and this was all because he was good at analysing typically abnormal situations.

This wasn’t a situation like this. All he had to do was be a supportive husband for you.

As he hurried down the stairs again, the realization dawned on him again.

Was this actually happening? Were you two going to be parents? Could you two do this?

Well, it was not like you had a choice now.

“Come, let’s get moving.” He said, holding you with one hand by the small of your back.

He assisted you back up the stairs as fast as your body would allow, but once you got to the bathroom just a few metres shy of your bedroom, that’s when you felt everything tighten and your breath became lodged in your throat. Your legs buckled as your hands gripped onto the architrave. Levi was quick to descend with you and hold your hand. A pained groan escaped your lips and you heard deep breaths beside you.

“Deep breaths, you can do it, [F/n]...” he said as he rubbed your back in circles. He tried to do deep breathing with you, taking long, exaggerated breaths. All to feel you a little less alone or too lost in your own pain.

It wasn’t the worst pain you had experienced - you were a former veteran of the Scouts after all - but that didn’t make the feeling pleasant either.

He propped up all the pillows to give you ample support and he placed a hand on your shin, gesturing you to keep your legs open. It seemed that the next contraction seemed to be taking its time, so he made the decision to alert the neighbours. This was a plan Levi had made with them a few months ago, that he’d call next door and ask them to go rush to the nurses and for Hange. Luckily for you two, HQ was no more than a five-minute walk away.

After slipping into a dress shirt and black slacks, he ran down the stairs and hopped over the wall to your neighbour. It was close to midnight now, but hopefully they’d be awake… If not, he’d have to leave you alone by yourself and that was not an option.

He rapped on the door and even called out to them, before knocking again. Thankfully, the middle-aged man and his wife seemed to be up and were quick to open the door.

Perhaps Levi looked a bit more flustered than he thought he did. Then again, as someone so composed all the time, any change in composure screamed out.

“Captain Levi? Is everything alright?” the wife asked.

Levi inhaled sharply. Damn, he was getting stressed already. If they were to shine the oil lamp up to his face, they would be able to see the sweat beading at his brows and how his pupils had narrowed from the intensity of the situation. “[F/n] has gone into labour, earlier than we expected. She needs the nurses a-and Hange--” Fuck, was he stuttering from it all? “I can’t leave her alone to get them and-”

The wife who was probably a good three inches shorter than him looked up at him and passed him a soft smile; a reassuring smile. She had been through all this before. She knew the chaos involved but knew the best thing he could be was a pillar of support for you. She placed her hands on his shoulders and got her to look at him. Normally he’d shrug off any physical contact from anyone that wasn’t you, but his mind was spiralling, and he was doing his best to hide it.

“Levi, it’s okay. Dear, you go get the nursing staff and Hange, okay?” she called out to her husband who had already saddled up in the meantime and taken off. “My husband will be back soon. Let me get you a few things.”

Levi tapped his foot impatiently as she pattered around the house for a bit. She came back with a bag of rags, towels and some knitted clothes.

“It’s important you stay calm, okay? What do you think you’ll have?”

Levi shrugged as he nodded his thanks. “I don’t know, of course, but [F/n] reckons we’ll have a boy.”

“Hmm… I think you’ll have a daughter!” she beamed.

Levi began to head out the door again. “Look, thank you so much for everything.”

“Best of luck, Levi,” she wished with a gleeful smile, “and congratulations.”

Levi nodded with the bag and headed back up the stairs of his home. He burst through the door of your bedroom and was immediately at your side again. He dropped the bag down at your bedside and reached for your hand. He caught you just in time for another contraction. You tried to steady yourself, but you cried out once more and gripped onto the blankets as another contraction overwhelmed you. You hastily grabbed a pillow and cried into it, trying to muffle your cries. Okay, it was official, this was the worst pain you had felt thus far, and all Levi could do was stare helplessly.

It’s not like he could do much. He couldn’t take away the pain from you, but by god, he wished he could. He’d deliver the child if biologically possible, anything to not see you in so much agony. But every time a contraction died away, you would re-emerge and tackle this again with an ungodly amount of strength.

And he couldn’t be prouder of you in these agonizing yet awe-inspiring moments.

You lowered your pillow when you vaguely heard the crowd of nurses patter into the room and everything kicked off. The lead nurse stated she’d be the main overseer to everything. At times, Levi’s mind flitted in and out of the conversation at hand from the nurses. His stare glossed over occasionally, and you couldn’t exactly decipher what it was he was feeling. Whatever it was he was feeling, he hid it well. He absent-mindedly rubbed the small of your back hoping you’d relax as the nurse checked your cervix. His ears perked up once he heard the number ‘three.’

“Three centimetres, seven to go, I reckon.”

“OOH, SEVEN?! HOW EXCITING!” a voice from outside screeched and Levi’s face fell flat. The bespectacled brunette burst through the door. “THAT’S SO FEW!”

“Hange.” Levi barked. He said nothing but his gaze said, be quiet now. “If you’re not gonna be helpful to [F/n], you can leave out the door you came in.”

“Sorry, sorry,” she aired as she rushed over to the other side of your bed and sat on top. “How are you doing, [f/n]? Anything I can do?” she asked. At first you shook your head, but when she mentioned that she brought a few scented candles to help soothe you - or at the very least, keep a gentle ambiance going - you perked up. “Okay, I’ll go light them. Levi, do you have any matches?”

“In the high cupboard left to the sink.” He said and she scurried down.

“Fuck… Levi, it’s happening again…” you groaned as you tossed your head back.

“I have you.” He reminded. He loosened his hand so you could squeeze it. With each contraction came a pain that dominated your entire being. In those moments, for those seconds that stretched into infinity, there was nothing else. Every contraction seemed to hurt more than before, and you would be left panting and almost delirious for a few seconds. Everything melted into the background when a contraction came; the nurses melted to nothing as did their encouraging cries.

But you remained grounded to Levi. He held your hand with every contraction and his lips were pressed to your sweaty temple. While you could only vaguely hear his encouraging words, he was still there and encouraging you to breathe deeply through it all, even if it hardly did anything to alleviate the pain.

“How much longer will this take?”

“She progressed quickly enough to get to the three so it may not take too long. Though it could just as easily be another few hours, or even well into tomorrow. I’m sorry, there’s no way of knowing.” The nurse replied.

Levi only nodded. He just wanted you to be okay and to make this as pain-free as possible. Hange came back in with the matches and began to light a few candles.

As time passed, your head fell. The contractions kept coming but you weren’t progressing as fast as you thought. By the time the second hour rolled by, you had only made it to four centimetres. You were reminded that you’d know when to push.

Levi couldn’t stand to see you in so much pain.

“Is there anything we can do?” he asked, now getting slightly panicked.

The nurse smiled sadly, knowing there was only so much they could do. “[F/n], how about a walk out in the fresh air?” she offered.

Levi peered over at you. Within the past two hours, he had acquired a basin and wet cloth, and was dabbing it occasionally on your forehead. “How about it?” he asked, repeating the motion of it as you lifted your head up again to receive his touch.

“If I walk down those stairs, I don’t think I’ll make it back up…” you huffed.

Hange had taken to holding your other hand too. Levi’s initial glare at her excitement seemed to do the trick and she was very helpful. Perhaps more proactive than the nurses. Then again, she was your best friend; she probably wanted to do everything under the sun.

“A bath may help?” Hange perked up. “Warm water and all?” to which you nodded.

Levi stood and pulled you up. Before you may have walked upright and with your back straight, but now you walked totally hunched over. He ordered for someone - anyone who could get there fastest - to draw a bath. A few stayed behind in the bedroom, taking turns supervising you.

Levi walked you towards the bathroom and unbuttoned your nightgown. With an ‘arms up’ command, he had it off you quickly and you were left in just your bra. He lowered you into the bath and you sat in the middle of the tub. He questioned why you weren’t going to lean back and that was when you asked him to come into the bath with you. He wasn’t going to fight you in the moment and rushed back to the bedroom and put on a pair of (swimming) shorts… or shorts he had no issue getting wet. Within mere seconds, he lowered himself into the bath and wrapped his legs loosely around your waist, his chest firm against your back. He began to rub your arms up and down and leaned over to press a kiss to your cheek.

“You’re doing so well.” He said. His tone lowered to a whisper when he heard you begin to weep. “Hey, hey, hey… What’s wrong? Ah-- Hange, can you go get us a basin?” he asked. Your face paled a little and he shouted for the Titan scientist to hurry as another contraction washed over you.

“L-Levi, I don’t feel right…”

“Hange!” he barked for the third time.

You brought a hand up to your mouth and expelled whatever food had been inside you from before. The pain of this contraction was so intense you had thrown up. Levi swept a thumb across your chin and Hange came in with a basin, and you spilled the rest into it. In fact, you threw up twice more. The bitter taste in your mouth left you feeling all disgusting and ‘icky’, and you let out a choked sob of frustration. Your body had you rocking back and forth on its own accord, trying to move with the pain so to speak, letting out pained groans through gnashed teeth.

Levi leaned you forward and began to rub your lower back. “Breathe. You gotta breathe, [f/n], come on.”

You shook your head as you wailed, almost sounding like you were giving in. “I can’t! It’s too much, Levi!”

“Hey,” he called gently. “Sniff the flowers,” he commanded and paused to breathe in, “and blow out the candles” and he exhaled. “You can do that for me?”

You weren’t sure about how the silly visual cue helped you at all, but you also knew Levi wasn’t going to quit saying it until you did what he told you to do. After a few deep breaths, you calmed down and your contraction died away. Levi continued to rub your lower back, offering whispered words of encouragement.

“Gosh, Shorty, aren’t you such a sweetie?” Hange jeered.

“Go away, Four Eyes.”

The contractions came and went, growing more and more intense. Levi sometimes opted to swish the water down and forth or turn on the tap, to give you something else to focus on. You weren’t sure how long you two stayed in the bath, but Levi helped lift you out once the water had gotten cold. Hange went to relight the candles, pillows were propped back up and you were moved back to your bedroom, to do the whole thing all over again.

And frankly, you weren’t sure how long you could hold on for. It was unbearable. As the hours ticked by until the wee morning, you were losing your strength.

“I’m sorry.” Levi mumbled as he kissed your matted hair.

“It hurts so much. I’m so tired.” You whispered, your voice dry and hoarse.

Levi looked up at the nurse and then over at the small clock on your bedside lock. Seven in the morning, so you had been labouring for seven hours, if not more if you were experiencing smaller contractions before your water broke.

How he ached to take all your pain away from you; to shoulder it all and save you from this agony. You both knew it would be worth it at the end, but the process of getting there was no doubt painful.

“You’re doing well. It’ll all be over soon, won’t it?” he asked and looked at the nurse.

“I’ll go see how far you are,” she said, softly. You let your legs widen as she did another cervical exam. You flinched a bit as you felt her gloved fingers inside. She gasped. “My, you’re almost there. Easily nine centimetres!”

For the first time in a couple hours, you felt genuine relief amidst all the chaos and pain.

.

.

.

Levi had sent the nurses and Hange downstairs an hour later, telling them they were free to help themselves to food stored in your cupboards. They had been crowding around you both for over eight hours now, they deserved a break too. You were fine with your husband sitting through your contractions with you, especially when you only had a centimetre or two left.

That was when you felt an excruciating pain down below, unlike anything you had felt all evening. Levi was at your side in seconds.

“What is it?”

“Hnnn!” you groaned out. This was it. This had to be it, the feeling the nurses told you about. An overwhelming amount of pressure was building between your legs and you let out a guttural noise. “Get Hange and the nurses.”

“Wait, is time? Now-”

“Get the fucking nurse, Levi!” you yelled, and he ran down to fetch them.

The pressure had your hips swaying into position, it was almost unbearable to refrain from pushing. The pain had your whole body trembling. Levi arrived back in with the nurses and you opened your legs at the lead nurse’s command. Your husband was sitting by your side once more, lacing his fingers with yours.

“I see a head! And plenty of hair too! The baby has moved into the birth canal. I need you to push on the next contraction.” She explained.

You heaved in massive strokes, starting to lose your breath. You were completely worn out now, body and mind. You all waited with bated breaths for the next contraction to hit. You took in a massive breath when you felt that familiar pain come back again. Your stomach tightened - everything tightened - as a scream ripped out from your throat.

“You have got to push harder, [f/n].” The nurse urged. Hange came in, sitting on the bed and shuffled onto the bed to hold your other hand.

You shook your head. There was no way you could, you were so depleted of energy.

“You can do this.” Your husband said.

“I can’t! You have to do it for me!” you wept into his arms.

“I would if I could.” He assured you.

The nurse called for your attention. “The next time you push, tuck your chin into your chest and push as though you got to do a number two. But push very hard.”

You blinked frantically. “Wait, what if I do poop?”

“That means you’re pushing right!” Hange cheered.

This entire conversation made Levi grimace, and it took every ounce of self-control to not cringe.

The final contraction hit and with whatever strength you could muster, you pushed through with a shrill cry. The baby began to crown, the hot stretching of flesh almost making you want to stop but you had to keep pushing through. You felt the head leave your body and you pushed through the rest of your contraction. You held onto Levi’s hand with such force he was pretty sure you could have broken it. And he would have taken it.

And then the pain left your body finally.

Tiny cries pierced the air.

Levi tilted your head back and his lips crashed against yours in a kiss that carried so many emotions with it; love, adoration, pride, elation and gratitude. He kissed you again and once more while your baby was being wrapped up. One of the extra nurses moved to clean you up and help deliver the placenta.

“A girl, congratulations.” The nurse whispered. Hange cracked a toothy grin, but she knew to step back and leave you two to have your moment.

You looked down at your wrapped-up little miracle, falling in-love instantly. Had her father’s hair and gunmetal eyes, but your eye shape and complexion. She also had your chin too. Your index finger rubbed against her plump cheeks and almost began to whimper again but with a few gentle hushes from you, she settled down once more. She was probably hungry too.

“She looks so much like you…” you whispered, looking up at your husband. The nurses and Hange took this as their cue to leave. Levi’s eyes had completely glossed over with a newfound vulnerable expression that you had never seen before. You could tell he was just itching to hold her, so as gently as you could, you shuffled over to the side to allow Levi to relax into the headrest. “Here, Levi.”

Your little girl was placed into his arms and a calloused thumb immediately went to trace under her eyes and around her cheeks, her forehead; everywhere. A swell of emotions overcame him like a tsunami crashing against the shoreline and he shut his eyes, tears flowing down his pallid cheeks and he made no effort to stop them. His lower lips trembled, and minute whimpers escaped his lips, but he was desperately clawing at whatever composure he had left to try to piece himself back together.

But he could cry, his daughter was here. He was a father now; he could be as emotional as he liked, and no one would care.

“Isabel.” You said, gently, and Levi nodded at the suggestion.

Levi’s thumb moved to his daughter’s fist and her fingers latched around it instantly, bringing his thumb to her mouth and began to suck. He let out a soft chuckle. “I think she’s hungry.”

“I bet she is.” You said, reaching out and taking a hold of her once more. The baby began to wriggle, and her arms broke free from the blanket, beginning to fuss. You lowered one side of your nightgown and held your daughter against your breast. She latched after a few seconds and by god was it uncomfortable. The feeling had you biting your lower lip in discomfort, but you just had to grin and bear it.

The three of you sat in silence for another half hour or so as you nursed your baby when you heard a knock on the door. Hange peeked her head around and smiled widely at you both.

“Shhh.” Levi was quick to say.

Hange tiptoed in. “I may have bought a few visitors…”

The raven-haired man’s face fell flat. “How many?”

And in came all of Levi’s newest squad and Erwin. He face-palmed at the noise and shrugged off his blazer to cover you and your daughter.

“Is this a bad time, Levi?”

“Yes, it’s a bad time. She’s barely been born a half hour and--”

“I KNEW IT WOULD BE A GIRL! TAKE THAT, MISTER DEATH WISH!” you heard come from outside the room. You only sighed softly.

“I tried to keep those two out of this,” Erwin mentioned as he walked over to the two of you. You removed your baby from your breast and buttoned up your nightgown again. The blonde smiled in pure adoration. “She’s so precious. Congratulations, Levi, [F/n].”

“Thank you, Erwin.” He replied and you nodded your thanks.

In your half-asleep state, you began to nurse again in front of everyone, not bothering to cover up. Levi sighed heavily and moved to cover you up again before you came through.

“Sir, we can call back later if you want.” Eren piped up, walking over to stand by his superior.

“It’s okay, Eren, this is natural. I don’t mind, provided you don’t stare too much.”

“I mind?!” Levi cried. With your free hand, you rested it on his hand. He took a deep breath and sighed. “Fine. You can stay, Jaeger. All of you can.”

Sasha and Connie were next to try to squeeze onto your too small bed for nine extra people.

“I brought her some potatoes!” she chimed and handed one to you. You had to politely explain that babies probably won’t eat until four months at the earliest. And even then, it would only be baby gloop and mushy foods. Not steamed potatoes.

Connie peaked over Levi’s shoulder. “Do you mind?” Levi asked him rhetorically.

“Nope,” he answered swiftly and saluted. On the wrong side. “Sir, why does it look squishy and ugly?”

And then ensued a fiery debate from everyone in the room (apart from Erwin) on why you shouldn’t call babies squishy and ugly, especially in front of their parents. Especially if one of those parents was one Levi Ackerman. But amidst all the commotion, both you and your baby were tuckered out. Levi was surprised that he saw you dozing off in spite of all the ruckus and that your baby was suckling away on nothing.

The short man may have had his doubts before Isabel was born but looking at everyone around here right now - being so chaotic and noisy, but so full of happiness and pride for you both - made all those negative thoughts wash away.

It took a bit of shuffling and squeaking of military boots, but eventually everyone was kicked out by Levi. He looked back fondly at you two, both of you sound asleep.

He would promise you both a normal, peaceful, family life one day. Even if he had to lay down his life doing it.

Because every doubt, struggle, emotional outburst, hormonal-fuelled argument led you both to this, and he would not trade it for the world.

This was his purpose; protect his beautiful wife and precious daughter.

And maybe one day, in the distant future, he would be able to spend more time with you two. In a world without Titans. In a world that was peaceful.

But for now, he had a small serving - a slice - of peace at home and he couldn’t wait to navigate this new chapter of his life with you.

[ghostofbambifanfiction]

Part 1 of ?????

Started writing this fic a while ago and then lost faith in it. Should I continue? Feel bad for not posting much lately so I thought I'd share this. Read on and weigh in.

COME OUT TONIGHT

NO

You don't have to fucking shout?

Said the pot to the kettle?

Oh you grandmother The caps were an accidental by-product of voice-to-text Blame Siri if you're going to blame anyone

You have a Samsung Galaxy S20.

HAD. It got smashed. Worst luck. Listen, come out with me tonight.

Urghhhhhhhhhhhhhh I'm tired!

https://www.boots.com/wellness/vitaminsandsupplements/vitamins-supplements-shop-by-ingredient/echinacea

Hah (indifferent)

Just come out with me! Isaac has to go see some godawful student performance of the Antigone in wherever the fuck Chichester is and it's Sirius's flatmate's birthday party so I have to go and I don't know any of his weird mates

You don't HAVE to go.

Have to/want to Semantics

I'm not in a birthday party mood. I'm having a stressful week. My arse has been tense since Tuesday.

I will wade into the deep and massage your arse if I have to, just come It's a swank pad in Belgravia! I bet they'll have all sorts of expensive nibbles!

I read that as expensive nipples.

Those too!

Partying it up with the children of wealthy Tories. Sounds super fun.

Just come out with me, for fuck I'll pick you up at 7 and we can steal their silverware if it's boring as the grave

URGH I'll go but I'm NOT dressing up!

You don't have to dress up!

FINE!

*

take the drawings down please i'm begging you i'm actually begging you

Nah mate

siriusssssssss pleeeeeease

Nah

PLEASE

Nah

PLEASE ffs it's MY birthday!!!! there are going to be PEOPLE there! standing around! AT EYE LEVEL

I don't see what the problem is.

EVERYONE will see what the problem is! they literally will not be able to IGNORE what the problem is!

Sounds like a recipe for lively discussion to me tbh

that is NOT what i want people talking about at my birthday!

If I take them down, I'll have to take all the nails out and that'll leave nail marks all over the walls. It would be unsightly.

MORE UNSIGHTLY THAN YOUR DICK, SIRIUS?

My dick is bewitching.

DIE

*

She walks in expecting to find herself the infiltrator of a Made in Chelsea/Royal Ascot/Henley Regatta netherworld, filled with a gaggle of giggling, SW-postcode socialites wielding suspiciously powder-edged Harrods Amex cards in the place of horses and boats, but that's not what actually greets her on the other side of the lacquered front door.

What greets her is really quite ordinary.

Aside from the naked drawings of Kingsley's mate, which aren't.

Otherwise, the whole affair is pretty relaxed. People her age are clustered in their small groups, swigging beers. There's a table of oven-heated party foods, salty snacks and rapidly depleting ramekins of guac. She spies more band shirts than there are dress shirts. There's a round of Fortnite in full swing on the TV.

It's all just...startlingly normal. A normal birthday party.

And that's sort of embarrassing, really.

Where are all the visible Tory toffs, she wonders? Where is the braying laughter? The Eton alumni reunion? The glimpse of hunting-happy tweed and shotgun barrels as a coat cupboard door swings shut? Where's the indelible air of sneering superiority, of "we're richer and more privileged and better than you, so fuck the NHS and death to foxes!" that she'd been expecting? There's a fucking Henry Hoover in the corner of the hall, for Christ's sake. Lily came here to smile through her teeth at them all, to listen to the champagne problems privilege that bubbled from their lips and tell herself that she was the one who knew better, who thought better. Her plain white tee and skinny jeans and scuff-toed, high-top trainers were supposed to be a statement, a subtle setting-apart, but she's not even the most underdressed person in the room.

She pre-judged a house full of people. What's that about?

There's a lesson to be found in this. Perhaps.

*

James covered all of the dicks in Paw Patrol stickers that he bought from the newsagent on his way home from his mum's, but Sirius peeled them all off while he was taking a soothing lavender bath, so what's the bloody point in birthdays anyway?

It's early in the evening, and he's wedged—against his will—between the dining room bar and Shane Ruttle, who has just pointed at one of the many lamentable dicks and asked, "Is this one of yours?" which James kind of wants to thump him for. It's bad enough that he looks like a madman who stuffed his house with naked drawings of his brother, now people are actually assuming that he drew the damn things, even though most of the compositions are appallingly far beneath his skill level. He's a professional illustrator, for the love of god, and Shane is really standing before him like the posturing prick he is, asking him if he's the one who drew Sirius with one arm disproportionately longer than the other.

He knows that he should cheer up.

It is his birthday. There is cake.

Good cake, too, not the kind that gets buried in too-thick fondant that he has to pick off before he can eat what's underneath.

The problem is, there's also a party, and his friends are his friends, Peter and Sirius included, and Peter and Sirius can both get drunk much faster than James can. When Peter and Sirius get drunk, serious injuries tend to follow, Remus tends to fuck off in a flash and James tends to be the one who calls for an ambulance or mothers them back to health—physical, mental or otherwise. He has just turned twenty-six, and these repeated, drunkenly dramatic medical emergency scenes are starting to wear a little thin.

Can't a man get comfortably drunk and have a laugh at his own birthday party?

No, he can't, because Peter's already halfway to trashed, wobbling unsteadily towards the French doors that lead to the terrace, wearing that look on his face that says I'm definitely going to vomit or maybe even shit myself like I did on that one night we all spent in Munich with the Belgian handball team and the creepy tour guide who couldn't keep his sleazy hands to himself. For the sake of sparing the lawn such a punishment, James hastily removes himself from Shane, grabs Peter by the collar, shoves him in the direction of the downstairs loo and retreats to the safety of the living room, where there are, at least, no naked drawings of Sirius gracing the walls.

Most of the people in here are transfixed by Saffy Stephens, who is down to the last three in her Fortnite game and cursing like a sailor, but there are a small pile of birthday cards on the end table where James and Sirius normally keep their keys. He perches on the sofa arm, sets his half-drunk beer bottle on the carpet, pushes his dark, disheveled hair away from his forehead and begins leafing through them. It's a necessity when one lives with Sirius, who thinks nothing of swiping gift cards when the mood strikes him and he's had enough to drink.

They're mostly from his female friends, and all pretty standard, until he reaches the middle of the pile and finds a card bearing a picture of a moustached tabby and the caption: Have a Purr-fect Birthday!

The inscription inside is written in a lovely, swirling hand.

To Jasper/Jack/Jason/maybe Ja Rule?/J-something idk

(see above: everything I've learned about you from the friend* I came here with, verbatim)

(*who can't remember your name)

Happy Birthday! Thank you for (not) specifically inviting me, a stranger, to your party to celebrate this momentous event in your life. Please enjoy this festive card/social nicety/convention from me to you. My friend brought rum which you may prefer.

I'll be around. Not that you'll know.

LE

James lowers the card and twists on the sofa arm at once, eyes darting around the room in search of its author, as if they might be laying in wait to watch him read it and see how he reacts. Nobody appears to have ducked behind the couch, however, so the situation merits further scrutiny.

Obviously, he needs to meet this person.

A mystery! At his birthday party!

He perks right up after that.

*

She's coming out of the downstairs loo when a short, blonde man in a garish Hawaiian shirt barrels past her and pukes all over the chequerboard tiled floor, narrowly missing her jeans.

"Oh no," he moans into his wet hands. "Oh no—"

"There there, mate," says Lily consolingly, never one to judge somebody for getting drunk early at a party. She pats him on the back before squeezing past him and rejoining Kingsley, who is standing in one of this meandering Georgian house's many hallways, chatting to a bloke in a houndstooth sweater vest and holding two glasses of something very, very sparkly that she must try at once.

"It's like...it's like everything and nothing at the same time," Houndstooth Bloke is saying when Lily draws close, gesturing to a huge canvas painting of a rain-soaked fairground at night.

"Is it?" Kingsley asks.

"Mmm. Very." Houndstooth shakes his shoulders like he's slipping out of a robe. "Meant to be esoteric, I suppose."

That sounds suspiciously like pretentious bullshit to Lily, who doesn't find the concept of a merry looking fairground all that difficult to absorb. Kingsley knows more about the art world than she does, but he must agree with her assessment because he grunts and shoves her glass into her hand when she stops beside him, and more roughly than she deserves, as if she's the one who landed him in this mess of a conversation to begin with.

Trust him to find himself stuck with the only dick (not etched by a 4B Steadtler graphite pencil) in the building, and trust her to be stuck with the person who got himself stuck with King.

"What are we talking about?" she asks brightly, just to fuck with him.

"Drink your champagne, there's a good little hen," King mutters, his teeth clenched together, hallway lights bouncing off the smoothly waxed dome of his bald head.

"We've been discussing this piece." Houndstooth nods to the painting, but his limpid eyes narrow on Lily's face. "Christ, you're very redheaded, aren't you?"

It's decided. She'll wait 'til Houndstooth is drunk and trip him up with Henry Hoover's hose.

"Ergo soulless, yes," she agrees.

"And you...enjoy that?" he asks, as if being redheaded is her profession.

"Very much, thanks."

"Hmmp. Well. I came here with Saffron," he announces, pronouncing it Sef-ron. As if Lily is supposed to know who that is. "Platonically, of course. Actually, we're some sort of cousins, I think. What do you think the artist is trying to convey?"

He's very pointedly asking her, so Lily blinks at the painting, her eyes on the outstretched arm of a child on the carousel.

"I like the pretty colours," she decides aloud.

"Right," says Houndstooth, "but that's not—"

"And the lights, too. The lights are really pretty."

"But—"

"I love funfairs, actually," she brightly continues, finding a strange satisfaction in playing dumb in front of Houndstooth and his overbleached fade. Although she does really like the colours. "Haven't been to one in years!"

"Yes, good, whatever, but what is the artist trying to convey?"

"What artist?" comes a voice from behind them.

Lily glances over her shoulder and finds herself looking up at the man whose penis she's spent the past thirty minutes avoiding eye contact with, though he is taller, better proportioned and infinitely more beautiful than any of those crudely drawn depictions could possibly convey. He is also beplumed and bejewelled like a pirate, wearing a sumptuous velvet jacket over a loose white shirt, numerous rings on his fingers and an assortment of silver chains around his slender neck, while his grey eyes and elegantly high-set cheekbones are framed by a tumble of black hair that genuinely looks like silk.

The man is so beautiful, in fact, that Lily immediately wonders why he's been taking sketches home from the life drawing class that he and Kingsley pose for—hence their acquaintance and Lily's presence at this party—when nothing she's seen tonight has done him any justice.

Most happily, his penis is tucked safely out of sight.

"Alright, Sirius?" says King.

"Alright, Marvel?" Sirius claps a hand to the taller man's massive shoulder. Kingley's muscles bulge in a way that cannot be hidden by modern habiliments. "What are we talking about?"

"Not much." Houndstooth looks put out by the arrival of yet another person. "We were just mesmerised by this piece."

Lily refrains from gesturing to the painting with both hands and a "ta-dah!" choosing instead to sip her champagne.

It's very good champagne. Mmm. Yes.

"Oh, yeah, it's really something," Sirius agrees. He brushes past Kingsley and runs a finger over the illegible squiggle of a signature on the canvas. His nails are beautifully manicured. "Local guy, young up-and-comer. I assume you've heard of Algernon?" he asks Houndstooth, fixing him with a steely-eyed stare.

"Er, yes." Houndstooth's gaze slides from Sirius to the painting. "I know him."

Sirius's eyebrows lift. "Know him personally?"

"Well—"

"That's so weird, I heard he never speaks to people."

Houndstooth chews on the inside of his cheek, weighing up the challenge. "How…funny."

"Funny?"

"Oh, nothing. It's just, I know I've spoken to him before, and since you've bought his painting I assumed that you'd have—"

"That is funny, actually," Sirius interrupts, "because the artist is my brother, and Algernon is the name of his cat."

Kingsley has been tugging on his earring and almost rips it out of his ear as his body convulses, champagne spraying from his nostrils, while an alarming red flush sweeps across Houndstooth's face and he begins to sputter on his own self-importance. Sirius has clearly decided that he's done with all of that noise, however, because he turns back to Lily instead, looking her up and down with great and sudden interest.

"Who's this then?" he asks Kingsley, cocking his head to one side. "James's present?"

The champagne glass swings down and Lily fixes him with a deadpan stare. "Excuse me?"

Sirius slants a grin at Kingsley, a quick flash of teeth. "This one's queenly, isn't she?"

Kingsley wipes his nose with the back of his hand and laughs again. "Hardly."

"This is Primark, mate," Lily retorts, tugging on her t-shirt.

"Queenliness is a state of mind," says Sirius, "not a state of wardrobe."

"You had me marked down as a prostitute not ten seconds ago."

"Oh, that. I was only joking," he sighs, and grips her arm at the elbow, his long fingers cool against her skin. "But still, you're far too attractive to stand here talking to this clown. Come with me and I'll find you someone better."

*

James's friends are useless.

And drunk. Useless and drunk—or sort of drunk, in Saffy's case. Remus is certainly already pissed, but Remus is on meds so often that he drinks but once in a blue moon. One cocktail is usually enough to set him off, and he's been hard at the gin since he turned up with Peter at six.

"I don't know anyone with those initials," Saffy declares, once she has read, examined and even sniffed the birthday card for clues. "Except for Lisa Edelstein."

"Who's Lisa Edelstein?"

"Cuddy from House," says Remus, lowering the negroni from which he has been drinking deeply.

James pulls a face. "What the fuck is a Cuddy?"

"Oh, actually, it could mean le?" Remus suggests.

"Yes!" Saffy points at him like he might be onto something. "Like the French word for the?"

"Exactly, like—"

"It doesn't mean that!" James interrupts, unwilling to allow such profanity in his home. "That doesn't make sense, why would somebody sign their name as the?"

"Now you're asking me to explain how French people think?" says Saffy derisively, adjusting her bra strap beneath that burnt orange waistcoat she loves, the one that makes her look like she's directing a pornographic movie in the 70s when she pairs it with her tortoiseshell-framed aviators. It clashes wildly with her electric blue buzz-cut. "Am nooooo drunk enough for that."

"They could be one of those one word moniker pop stars, I suppose," Remus pipes up, smiling slyly. "You know, like Madonna?"

They think James doesn't realise that they're taking the piss out of him, but neither of them are sober enough to attempt their gambit with any kind of subtlety or grace.

"You know that's actually her real Christian name?" says Saffy.

Remus turns towards her with interest. "What, Madonna?"

"Yeah!"

"Really?"

"Yeah!" Saffy repeats. "I thought it couldn't possibly be her real name because, I mean, Madonna, yeah? But then I looked it up and apparently that's the name her mummy gave her, just goes to show—"

"I'm sorry," James interrupts, "but is Madonna relevant to this conversation?"

"Yes, always," says Saffy.

"She's an international pop megastar," Remus seconds.

James stares at his friend incredulously. "Drinking really chips away at your wit, y'know?"

"Does it?" Remus grins lazily and jiggles his cocktail in the air. "Oh, well, I'm negronly joking."

Saffy does a spit-take without the spit and clings helplessly to Remus's shoulder as she laughs, knees buckling, bangles tinkling, but James fights his own urge to start snickering.

"It's not that funny," he lies, and Remus eyes him with an alarmingly teacher-like shrewdness, despite the tellingly intoxicated flush that has crept into his thin, freckled face.

James's love of puns is tragically well known.

"You didn't get it." Remus points at his drink. His speech is starting to slur. "This is a negroni, what I said was—"

"Yeah, I got that part, I just—"

"Jesus fuck, look at her!" Saffy suddenly hisses, staggering sideways into Remus and sending him into the wall in a flurry of giggles—Remus giggling?—her voice hushed and urgent. "Who the hell is that?!"

James does look, following the direction of Saffy's gaze. Sirius has just entered the living room, casually clutching the elbow of a……

……goddess.

An actual. Like. Goddess.

A goddess. In James's house. In his living room. In the place where he eats his chocolate boulder cereal and rewatches Scrubs (even season 9, which is hilarious, and very unfairly disparaged by Joe Public) on Saturday mornings.

She's a goddess. A real one, and cleverly disguised as a mortal, sure, with her slouchy white t-shirt and her big hoop earrings and her light blue jeans that are torn at the knees, wearing her shoulder-length red hair half up, half down and slightly messy, but that doesn't hide what she is.

"Oh my god," he murmurs. His heart is pounding all of a sudden, which is so...utterly bloody stupid, but Saffy's right, bloody look at her, Jesus fuck.

"Surely she can't be with Sirius?" Saffy murmurs back.

"No, she—" He watches Sirius lean down to mutter something in the redhead's ear. A ghost of a laugh flits across her beautiful face. "She's not his—he isn't—"

"D'you think—"

"No, I—"

"Good," says Saffy firmly. She lets go of Remus and rises, lengthening her spine. It is a battle stance of some sort, presumably. "Because I saw her first."

"No!" James cries, wounded, and the redhead shoots him a curious look with a pair of eyes that are startlingly emerald green, even from all the bloody way over here. He spins to face Saffy and lowers his voice, face burning. "It's my house!"

"What are you arguing here, ownership rights?"

"No but it—it's my birthday!" James retorts, jabbing at his own chest. "And, actually, and—"

"It's in the bloody post!"

"—you didn't get me a present!" he finishes in triumph, not that he knows what he's arguing for, because the likelihood is that his tongue will glue itself to the roof of his mouth if he even dares to look in her direction one more time. "Plus I set you up with Vanya Petrich, with whom, as I recall, you enjoyed four years—"

"Stop throwing that in my face!"

"—four blissful years—"

"Is it my fault that you've never fancied any girl I've set you up with?!"

"—promised me an Easter ham for setting you up with her and I never got it—"

"So now you'll trade a woman for a ham?" Saffy accuses, though her face is too lit up, her brown eyes too crinkled at the corners—she's having fun with this and she isn't going to fool him and she knows it. "That's so low, even—"

"Don't start with that," James scathingly cuts in. "You offered me Sean Connery's autograph for Bonnie Grogan's number—"

"Which you never gave me!"

"Because you forged the bloody signature!"

"And now she's bloody married!"

"Yeah, well, Isabella wouldn't give me a counterfeit present, would she?" he retorts, and Saffy lets her shoulders drop, smirking. "This is pointless, Saf, we can't—"

"She's just left with Sirius," Remus informs them, and burps.

[mrsgiovanna]

Crimson (Dhampir! Don Giorno x Wife! Reader)

Those of you who have been here for a while would have suffered through my intermittent constant ramblings about scenarios in which Giorno's vampiric tendencies start to awaken. To the nonnies who requested this, here you go my loves.

TW: Blood mentions

Word Count: 2.4k

The sunshine felt glorious on your skin as you lounged next to the pool while Giorno completed a few more laps in the water before he was set to join you. Something felt amiss as you watched him aggressively swim in the huge body of water like a caged shark, but you attributed it to him needing to work off some of the stress of leading Passione. Finally satisfied with his efforts, he emerged from the pool, water clinging to his body and dripping from his hair, he would have looked like Neptune incarnate if it wasn’t for the angry red sunburn marring his otherwise flawless form.

“Gio, your skin looks so inflamed, let me help you,” he walked right past you, prompting you to follow him into the house. “My love, are you alright? Let me at least put something on you to…”

“Stop faffing, I’ll be fine, I think I just need some rest, you can go back to what you were doing,” snapped Giorno, in a harsher tone than he intended, in fact, he didn’t mean to be as short with you at all, and grimaced at his words, but he needed to get away from there as soon as he possibly could to not alarm you as this isn’t the first time he has experienced this, although, it is the first time it has happened in front of you.

You tried to hide your dejection at his behavior, you pulled on an oversized shirt, went inside and decided to work on some of your reports in the sunroom instead. Upstairs, in the bathroom of the master bedroom, stood Giorno in front of the golden-framed mirror. Before his ruby-tainted eyes, his burns had healed without him consciously summoning his stand… was it done subconsciously? His question remained unanswered, looking himself in the eyes, he realized that they still bore a crimson tinge to them. Dismissing it to simple chemical irritation, he took a cool shower and mulled over his exchange with you, growing ever more remorseful of how he dismissed your concern. Getting rid of the last bit remnants of water from his hair, he set out to find you to and apologize for his behavior.

Finding you bundled in the corner of the sunroom, musing over a few documents, Giorno just stood at the entrance admiring your beauty. You looked so cute wearing his shirt, the concentration furrowing your delicate brows and placing a pout on your lips.

“Tesoro? May I speak to you?” his voice was gentle, a far cry from the way he sounded before. You looked up from the documents you were working on and offered him a strained smile.

“Gio, I thought you wanted to rest for a bit…”

“I did bella, but that’s not important right now… I’m sorry… for the way I acted before, you were just showing your concern and I behaved like an idiot. Please forgive me…” walking towards you, he seated himself next to you.

“Well, you were very mean to me, but I’ll forgive you just this once… only because you asked so nicely, next time it won’t be so easy for you Don Giovanna,” you said with a smirk, breaking into a small giggle when he grimaced at the epithet.

“Come here bella- nice shirt by the way, it looks very familiar…”

“Oh, it’s just something I found lying around… you know what they say, finders’ keepers,” with a gentle smile at your remark, he peppered your face with soft kisses and made sure you got comfortable on his lap, so he could hold you while you worked, his mind though, was preoccupied with the events that occurred of late.

In the next few days both you and Giorno were busy with your respective tasks, and as much as you wanted to dismiss his distant demeanor on how busy you both were, you knew that he was uncharacteristically withdrawn from you. Giving him the space he needed, you met his aloofness with your usual calm kindness. Needing to discuss a few work-related issues with Giorno, you decided to go see him rather than wait for him to come home.

“(y/n)- bella, this is a nice surprise. To what do I owe this pleasure?” he still had that charming velvety quality to his voice that made you feel, for a split second, like things were back to normal, but the strained way in which he kissed your cheek told you otherwise. He considered you for a moment, staring at you with his slightly reddened eyes.

“Are you wearing a new perfume?” inhaling the air around you sharply, he posed his question to you.

“No my love, it’s the same scent you like, the one I wear most often”

“Oh? You just smell so sweet, it’s wonderful,” Giorno’s words are muffled as he buries his nose into your neck and places a small kiss there, rigidly pulling away almost instantly, the red sheen becoming more pronounced in his eyes. Guarded, he stepped away from you and with a tense smile he completed what you needed from him.

“I’ll see you at home then,”

“Of course tesoro…” distracted, Giorno kissed your forehead and you left, determined to get to the bottom of what was plaguing him. You knew that his origins were obscure. He didn’t have much of a relationship with his mother and you both learned the truth about his father after meeting with Dr. Kujo to resolve a few matters which required Giorno’s assistance. Recalling the conversation, you remembered the sordid business with Dio and the stone mask. Your blood ran cold when you considered the idea that Giorno could be going through a transition of sorts… it wasn’t a pleasant thought to entertain, however, you couldn’t think of another reason for his odd behavior and changes in his features.

You knew it was a risky idea… you knew that if he overheard your conversations he’d be furious… but you had to seek help from the one man who had encountered the type of being that Giorno shared his DNA with. Hating having to hide this from the man you had previously shared every mundane detail of your day with, you pressed on, and within the week that had passed you had learned all there was to know about his condition without actually having an expert examine him. You had unfortunately hit a wall, all the while, despite your best efforts, the rift between you and Giorno had continued to widen.

You sat up in bed engaging in a long distance call with a tired-sounding Jotaro, at that ungodly hour-alone- confident that you would be falling asleep beside a cold pillow, just as you had for the past 3 nights. “Is there anything that can be done from where I am? Dr. Kujo, please… I know you may be apprehensive given the history, I can assure you that, if by some stroke of misfortune, anything were to go awry I have enough faith in my abilities to contain him, I…”

“It’s not that, I trust that he isn’t a threat, despite what he’s experiencing. The thing is, we have already shared every bit of information we have in our possession with you. Anything else will require you to come here, the foundation has experts and the technology available to at least assess Giorno to determine a way forward from there,”

“I’ll try to get…”

“Who are you talking to?” the temperature in the room suddenly dropped when you heard the cold manner in which your husband addressed you.

“Oh! Giorno… I can explain… Dr. Kujo, please forgive my rudeness, but may we continue this later, at a suitable time for you?”

“Of course,”

“Thank you, I’ll be in touch…” moving from one impossibly difficult conversation to another, you turned your attention to Giorno who was seething at the doorway across from you.

“Care to explain?” the expression on your husband’s face was so cold it forced you to silently avert your gaze to gather your composure.

“(y/n), I’m waiting…” his footsteps resounded with a sharp clatter as he walked into the room.

“Gio… I’m worried about you. You think I haven’t noticed but I can see that you’ve changed. I see you agonizing over this… transition… you’re going through. Please don’t shut me out,” weeks of unexpressed feelings pooled in the corners of your eyes, threatening to spill out.

“(y/n) … this is something I have to do on my own, I… I don’t want to hurt you,” it was clear that Giorno did not want to have this conversation with you from his shaky disposition and the manner in which he spoke.

“What you’re doing right now is more hurtful than anything else! Watching you struggle like this, being so close to you, yet so far removed from each other,” emotions swirling uncontrolled, you choked out the words despite wanting to protect Giorno’s feelings.

“You don’t understand cara”

“Then make me understand, damn it Giorno!”

“Ahh! you think I don’t know what’s happening to me? I’ve been doing my own research as well. I know what my father was… I knowwhat I’m turning into! We both know… and you… the scent of you drives me insane. Rather than hurting you, I chose to stay away from you!” For a moment after his outburst, all you heard was silence save for the sound of Giorno’s breathing and your own heart pounding in your ears.

“You’re not him Gio, you never will be like him. and if your bloodlust is doing this to you, then please just let me help you… I’m your wife, if I can’t do this for you, who will?!”

“No! I won’t allow it. Will I even be human if I did? No… I can’t, and if I hurt you I’ll never forgive myself,”

“Gio, caro, I trust you entirely, I know you wouldn’t go too far, and if by some stroke of bad luck, you do, you can always use your stand ability to replace what was lost. I can’t stand seeing you like this… I love you so much… so please, if you need to… then do it, I’ll be okay,”

You saw the doubt flicker in his glossy eyes as he considered your argument. Inching closer towards him, you extend your hand to cup his cheek, cherishing the feeling of his faintly stubbled skin against your soft hand. He puts his hand over yours, leaning into your touch, he places a soft kiss into your palm. After craving your touch for so long, this felt heavenly to him, and he wasn’t sure if he would be able to let you go again after this. You picked up on his yearning, as it matched your own, and gently coaxed his face towards yours, kissing him gently at first, and then surrendering to your urges as Giorno hungrily deepened the kiss, burying his fingers into your hair. When he broke away, his gaze was intense, but marred by doubt. He flicked your hair over your shoulder and gingerly traced the vein on your neck, his thumb gently caressing your silken skin.

Sensing his trepidation, you try to allay his fears, “It’s alright my love, I’m ready… I’ll be okay.” Your hands wrap around his back while his lips find your neck, small kisses were placed in the prime spot, turning into little licks and laps, until finally you felt the sharp sting of Giorno’s teeth sinking into the supple flesh with a low hum from him. After the initial pain, the sensation was unlike anything you have ever experienced before, a newfound intimacy that came from knowing you were helping him through something so intense.

After a few moments, his hunger was satiated- at last, the feral intensity disappearing from his eyes, his teeth retracting to the same level as the others, Giorno cradled you in his arms.

“Tesoro, are you alright?” his voice was tender, and it seemed that he had finally returned to his old self.

“I’m alright my love,” you replied softly, your voice barely above a whisper. Giorno was overcome by a new wave of affection for you, watching you carefully, he lifted you up, despite your protests and carried you to bed.

“This will only hurt for second amore, but you will feel much better afterwards,” he explained as a familiar golden glow enveloped both you and him, slightly smarting the area that it healed until all evidence of the encounter had vanished. Clear eyes peered curiously into your own and were met with a relieved gaze- finally the crimson haze had cleared.

“How are you feeling my love? You look… different… calmer?” pushing yourself up on one arm, you sat up to face Giorno.

“I do feel calm, I feel like a spell has been lifted and I’m finally myself again…” anguish contorted the young don’s features as he thought back on the events that built up to that moment. “I’m so sorry, tesoro… I’ve treated you horribly over the past few weeks, there are no excuses, regardless of what was happening, I shouldn’t have taken it out on you… please forgive me,” unable to hold your gaze he just looked away dejectedly.

“Giorno… look at me…” you extended your arms towards him, gripping the sides of his face, gently turning him towards you. “We’re a team, we’ve fought against unimaginable things together, built an entire empire together, even changed the course of fate together… my point is that regardless of what you’re going through, it will never best us if handle it together,” offering you a tired smile, he grasped your hands in his and kissed them gently.

“You always know what to say… You’re pretty amazing, you know that?”

“Well, of course I’m amazing! Doesn’t hurt to hear it every once in a while though…” your laughter lightened the mood and tugged at the corners of Giorno’s full lips. Wordlessly, he climbed onto his side of the bed and motioned for you to take your place in his arms. It was the embrace that you both craved after the painful period of time you were estranged from each other. Hair still adorned with his triad of curls and still in his suit, Giorno fell asleep almost instantly after wrapping his arms around you and tucking your head under his chin.

Feeling as safe as you did, your exhaustion also weighed down your eyelids. You knew that the road would be a long one, but for now, the only thing that mattered was the fact that he was safe and happy, and you were in his embrace where you belonged. Relishing the warmth he radiated, you allowed yourself to drift into a peaceful slumber.