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carcino-generic · 5 years

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HOW HUMANS ARE HAVING THEIR LIVES RUINED BY KARKAT VANTAS

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ALRIGHT, HERE’S THE BASICS OF CAPITALISM FROM A WORKING CLASS AMERICAN. I WANT TO START OUT BY SAYING I DON’T GIVE A SHIT ABOUT EUROPE, CANADA, AUSTRALIA, OR ANY OTHER “FIRST-WORLD” COUNTRIES. I DON’T KNOW WHO TORIES ARE AND I DON’T CARE ABOUT EMMANUEL MACRON. FOREIGN AFFAIRS ARE NOT MY CUP OF TEA THANKS. I HAVE ENOUGH PROBLEMS WITH DOMESTIC POLITICS. ALSO DON’T GET ON MY ASS ABOUT CALLING IT AMERICA INSTEAD OF THE U.S.A., CANADIANS DON’T ACTUALLY WANT TO BE AMERICANS AND IF THEY DO THEY’RE MORONS FOR REASONS THAT WILL BECOME CLEAR AS YOU READ ON.

YOU KNOW HOW IN A NORMAL SOCIETY, TRADE IS DRIVEN BY RESOURCES AND PRICES ARE DETERMINED BY THE AVAILABILITY, COMPLEXITY, AND DIFFICULTY IN PRODUCTION OF A PRODUCT? SO IMAGINE YOUR COUNTRY GETS ENOUGH MONEY, POWER, AND SHEER BLIND DEVOTION FROM ITS CITIZENS TO THROW ALL THAT IN THE GARBAGE, AND THEN IMAGINE THAT EVERYONE CAPABLE OF MAKING MEANINGFUL CHANGES AT A FUNDAMENTAL LEVEL, WHILE REMAINING WITHIN THE CURRENT SYSTEM, IS OWNED BY SOMEONE WHO BENEFITS EGREGIOUSLY FROM EVERYTHING STAYING THE SAME, AND EVEN MORE EGREGIOUSLY FROM THINGS BECOMING WORSE. NOW IMAGINE THAT WHEN I SAID “SOMEONE” I MEANT “ONE OF MAYBE FIFTEEN MEGA-CORPORATIONS THAT OWNS EVERY OTHER BUSINESS IN THE COUNTRY,” AND WHEN I SAY “EVERYONE CAPABLE OF MAKING MEANINGFUL CHANGES...” I MEAN POLITICIANS WE ELECT TO PRETEND TO REPRESENT OUR INTERESTS WHO HAVE IN REALITY BEEN BOUGHT OUT BY CORPORATE INTERESTS AND RISK LOSING THEIR JOBS IF THEY MAKE LAWS THAT THREATEN THOSE CORPORATE INTERESTS’ BOTTOM LINES. BASICALLY, WE INVESTED ALL OUR POWER INTO PRIVATELY OWNED MONEY SINKS AND FORGOT TO CARE ABOUT THE THINGS THAT MATTER, LIKE THE ACTUAL CITIZENS? OKAY THIS IS GETTING AWAY FROM ME, WE MIGHT HAVE TO START FROM THE BASICS.

I DON’T KNOW HOW YOUR SOCIETY WORKS, BUT IN OURS, YOU START OUT AS A LITTLE BABY. AS SOON AS YOU’RE PHYSIOLOGICALLY CAPABLE OF EXISTING FOR CONSECUTIVE HOURS WITHOUT THE PEOPLE WHO RAISED YOU, THEY SHOVE YOU IN A CLASSROOM AND START FEEDING YOU A MIXTURE OF COLONIAL, PSYCHOLOGICAL, PHILOSOPHICAL, AND POLITICAL PROPAGANDA. THAT’S ALSO WHERE THEY TEACH YOU HOW TO SOCIALIZE WITH KIDS YOUR AGE AND SHIT. FOR SOME KIDS IT’S THE *ONLY* PLACE THEY CAN LEARN TO SOCIALIZE, BECAUSE THEIR PARENTS ARE TOO BUSY, ABSENT, OR PROTECTIVE TO BRING YOU OUT TO INTERACT WITH PEERS. EITHER WAY, THIS IS WHERE KIDS FORM THEIR CONCEPTS OF BOTH PERSONAL RELATIONSHIPS AND SOCIAL CONTRACTS. THE TRAUMA OF RACIAL AND GENDER PROFILING IS NASCENT HERE, BUT OH BOY IT INTERNALIZES QUICKLY. (MORE ON HOW PEOPLE OF COLOR, THE WAR ON DRUGS, AND PROFIT ARE ALL LINKED LATER ON, OR MAYBE JUST LOOK UP A VIDEO ESSAY ON IT IDK.)

IT’S PRETTY MUCH THIRTEEN YEARS OF THIS SAME SHIT, ESPECIALLY THE PROPAGANDA BIT. KIDS GROW UP BEING INDOCTRINATED WITH THIS COMPLETELY WHITEWASHED VERSION OF REALITY, BELIEVING CHRISTOPHER COLUMBUS* IS THE SHIT AND CAPITALISM IS THE ONLY EFFICIENT MODEL FOR MODERN SOCIETY. THEY’RE USUALLY TAUGHT ALL ABOUT WORLD WARS I AND II, THE VIETNAM WAR, THE COLD WAR, AND THE SPACE RACE, WHICH (BY UNEQUIVOCALLY POSING AMERICANS AS THE GOOD GUYS AND THE SOVIETS AND CHINESE AS THE BAD GUYS, CEMENTS THE CONCEPT THAT CAPITALISM INHERENTLY RULES AND COMMUNISM INHERENTLY FAILS) FURTHER INDOCTRINATES KIDS. IF YOU’RE REALLY AN ALIEN I DOUBT YOU’VE SEEN THIS IMAGE, BUT EVERY SINGLE AMERICAN EARTHLING HAS:

THIS GUY IS NAMED UNCLE SAM, HE’S BASICALLY AMERICA’S FURSONA. HE EXISTS TO PRESSURE YOU INTO SIGNING UP TO FIGHT IN A WAR. HE WAS USED A LOT IN THOSE WARS I TALKED ABOUT UP THERE, ESPECIALLY THE FIRST THREE. HE’S NOT AROUND SO MUCH ANY MORE BUT THE GENERAL SENTIMENT IS. HERE’S HOW.

WHEN YOU GRADUATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL, THE LAST “REQUIRED” STAGE OF SCHOOL, YOU ARE EXPECTED TO MOVE OUT AND GET A JOB TO SUPPORT YOURSELF. BUT NOWADAYS, IF YOU WANT A JOB THAT PAYS FOR YOUR HEALTH CARE, LETS YOU STAY HOME WHEN YOU GET SICK, GIVES YOU DAYS OFF TO GO TO FAMILY EVENTS SUCH AS WEDDINGS, FUNERALS, THE BIRTH OF YOUR CHILDREN, AND OTHER UNIMPORTANT DRIVEL THAT DOESN’T MAKE CEOS MONEY, YOU BET YOUR ASS YOU’D BETTER GET A COLLEGE DEGREE. HAVING A DEGREE IS THE NUMBER ONE WAY YOU CAN GUARANTEE THAT YOU MAKE MORE MONEY. THAT ALL SOUNDS FINE AND DANDY, EXCEPT NOW YOU HAVE TO PAY SOME INDUSTRIAL-SCALE LOAN SHARK MORE THAN YOU’LL EVER HAVE IN YOUR 401(K) TO LET YOU GET YOUR HIGHER EDUCATION. A LOT OF PEOPLE END UP OWING UPWARDS OF FIFTY GRAND TO A PRIVATELY OWNED LOAN AGENCY BY THE TIME THEY’RE TWENTY-ONE, BECAUSE AS FRESH ADULTS THEY WERE TOLD THEY WOULDN’T GET A WORTHWHILE JOB UNLESS THEY HAD A DEGREE. BUT HERE’S THE THING: A LOT OF TIMES, JOBS LIKE THAT WON’T EVEN HIRE YOU UNLESS YOU HAVE A MASTER’S DEGREE NOW! THAT’S ANOTHER TWO YEARS OF CLASSES AND ANOTHER HUGE CHUNK OF MONEY YOU NEVER HAD TO BEGIN WITH.

OF COURSE THERE ARE LESS EXPENSIVE OPTIONS, LIKE TRADE SCHOOL AND COMMUNITY COLLEGE. BUT REMEMBER THE PROPAGANDA I MENTIONED? IT’S SO PERVASIVE, A LOT OF YOUNG PEOPLE DON’T EVEN CONSIDER TRADE SCHOOL AN OPTION NOW, BECAUSE WE CULTURALLY VALUE THE “INTELLECTUAL” JOBS—DOCTOR, LAWYER, ENGINEER, ACCOUNTANT, BUSINESSMAN—WHICH ARE STRANGELY ALSO THE CAREER PATHS THAT REQUIRE THE MOST INVESTMENT OF TIME AND MONEY! NOW IF YOU DECIDE TO BE LIKE ME AND GET A JOB RIGHT OUT OF HIGH SCHOOL BECAUSE THE EDUCATION INDUSTRY IS A PUTRID WASTELAND, YOU’RE AUTOMATICALLY LOOKED DOWN UPON. A LOT OF TIMES PEOPLE WHO ARE PURSUING LESS LUCRATIVE CAREERS THAT INTEREST THEM***, INSTEAD OF THE BIG MONEY JOBS, ARE DISPARAGINGLY ASKED IF THEY WANT TO “END UP WORKING AT MCDONALDS.” I DON’T PERSONALLY WORK AT MCDONALDS BUT THIS SHIT STILL OFFENDS ME. BUT THEN AGAIN I’M A MILLENNIAL SNOWFLAKE SO WHAT DO I KNOW.

ACADEMIA HAS A LOT OF ITS OWN PROBLEMS BUT I’VE ONLY HEARD THOSE SECONDHAND, SO LET’S LEAVE THAT HELLSCAPE TO ITS ELITISM AND STAY WITHIN THE BLUE-COLLAR SUBCLASS. COMMON PARLANCE WILL REFER TO THREE MAJOR CLASSES: THE LOWER CLASS (DIPLOMATICALLY CALLED THE “WORKING CLASS”, HA FUCKING HA!), THE MIDDLE CLASS (WHICH THEORETICALLY MAKES UP THE MAJORITY OF THE POPULATION), AND THE UPPER CLASS (FUCK THOSE GUYS BUT WE’LL GET AROUND TO THAT LATER.) THIS MODEL IS PRETTY MUCH JUST DESIGNED TO CREATE TENSION WITHIN THE PROLETARIAT, BUT HANG ON A SECOND, I JUST REMEMBERED YOU DON’T KNOW WHAT THE PROLETARIAT IS YET.

SO BASICALLY, THERE’S NOT THAT MUCH DEFINABLE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN THE “MIDDLE CLASS” AND THE “WORKING CLASS.” WHEN YOU THINK OF WORKING CLASS, COLLOQUIALLY, YOU THINK OF THOSE LOSERS THAT WORK IN THE SERVICE INDUSTRY OR DRIVE TAXIS OR (AND THIS IS INCOMPREHENSIBLE TO SOME PEOPLE) HAVE NO JOB AT ALL. THE MIDDLE CLASS IS MORE LIKE TEACHERS AND MIDDLE MANAGERS AND GUYS THAT BUILD SOFTWARE REMOTELY FOR MICROSOFT. REALLY THOUGH, THERE’S NO WAY TO DRAW A DEFINITIVE LINE BETWEEN THESE PEOPLE. THE BEST WAY TO DEFINE CLASS IN AMERICA, (AND ALSO APPARENTLY GERMANY, AT LEAST IN THE 19TH CENTURY,) IS TO SEPARATE THOSE WHO PRODUCE GOODS AND THOSE WHO OWN THE GOODS THAT ARE PRODUCED. THERE IS NO “MIDDLE CLASS”, THAT’S JUST A MEANINGLESS THING TO STRIVE FOR BASED ON WHAT WHITE FAMILIES IN SITCOMS LOOK AND ACT LIKE.

WORKERS WHO PRODUCE GOODS AND SERVICES ARE THE BACKBONE OF SOCIETY AND THEY’RE CALLED THE PROLETARIAT. THEY ARE SERVICE WORKERS AND JANITORS AND TAXI DRIVERS AND HOTEL VALETS, BUT THEY ARE ALSO ELECTRICIANS AND PLUMBERS AND MECHANICS, AND THEY ARE LAWYERS AND DOCTORS AND PROFESSORS, AND THEY ARE YOUTUBERS AND INFLUENCERS AND SOCIAL MEDIA MANAGERS. THE PROLETARIAT IS ANYONE WHO MAKES MONEY BY SELLING THEIR LABOR. THEY CAN BE CONTRACTORS SELLING THEIR LABOR TO INDEPENDENT BUYERS, OR FREELANCERS SELLING THEIR LABOR TO MULTIPLE LARGER BUSINESSES, BUT MOST OF THE PROLETARIAT IS DIRECTLY EMPLOYED BY SOME KIND OF COMPANY OWNED BY A MEMBER OF THE BOURGEOISIE.

THE BOURGEOISIE IS KIND OF A MEME AT THIS POINT BUT THEIR IMPACT ON THE WAY WE LIVE IS FUCKING INESCAPABLE. THEY’RE PEOPLE WHO *BUY* OUR LABOR, ACCRUE CAPITAL BY SITTING ON THEIR (SOMETIMES LITERAL!!!) THRONES, OWNING COMPANIES AND PEOPLE, SOMETIMES BEING A PUBLIC FIGURE (LIKE ELON MUSK) WHO RAKES IN ADORATION FROM HUNDREDS OF THOUSANDS OF MINDLESS TWITTER DRONES WHO STILL BELIEVE IN CLASS MOBILITY****, OR SOMETIMES BEING A SHADOWY FIGURE IN THE BACKGROUND (LIKE THE KOCH BROTHERS) WHO JUST PASSIVELY RAKE IN THE BENEFITS OF OUR HARD WORK AND CAN’T BE ASSASSINATED BECAUSE NO ONE WOULD RECOGNIZE THEM IF THEY WERE SEEN AT KROGER. THEY ARE USUALLY BORN WEALTHY, BUT VERY RARELY THEY CAN USE THEIR CHARISMA, INTELLIGENCE, SOCIAL CONNECTIONS, AND INTRINSIC PRIVILEGE AS A WHITE PERSON TO YANK THEMSELVES UP FROM THE PROLETARIAT (READ MY CLASS MOBILITY NOTE FOR MORE!!!)

SO THE RESULT OF THIS CLASS DIVISION IS AS FOLLOWS:

THE PROLETARIAT NEVER EARNS THE ACTUAL VALUE OF THEIR LABOR. A “SMALL” CHUNK IS ALWAYS TAKEN OUT FOR THE PEOPLE AT THE TOP, WHO “RUN” THE COMPANY (BUT REALLY THEIR JOB IS USUALLY TO EAT FANCY LUNCH AND TELL RACIST GOLF JOKES TO RICH INVESTORS). IN FACT, WAGES ARE USUALLY ENTIRELY DISSOCIATED FROM THE ACTUAL PROFIT THE COMPANY MAKES. FOR A BUSINESS TO BE PROFITABLE, IT HAS TO PAY THE EMPLOYEES IT RELIES ON LESS THAN WHAT THEY BRING TO THE TABLE, WHICH MEANS MOST COMPANIES ESTABLISH A BASE WAGE THAT’S EITHER EXACTLY THE STATE’S MINIMUM WAGE OR A COUPLE CENTS HIGHER TO COMPETE. THEY LITERALLY PAY THE LEAST THEY LEGALLY CAN. SOMETIMES *LESS*.

YOUR JOB IS EXPECTED TO BE THE MOST IMPORTANT THING IN YOUR LIFE. EXHAUSTED AFTER YOUR FORTY, FIFTY, OR SIXTY HOUR WORK WEEK? THAT’S JUST NORMAL, THEY’RE NOT SQUEEZING THE MAXIMUM AMOUNT OF LABOR OUT OF YOU THAT THEY CAN WITHOUT KILLING YOU! WANT TO TAKE A FEW DAYS OFF TO SPEND TIME WITH YOUR WIFE AFTER SHE GAVE BIRTH TO YOUR INFANT CHILD? SORRY, YOU’RE OUT OF SICK DAYS. MISSED THE BUS AND THERE’S NOT ANOTHER ONE FOR AN HOUR? IT’S YOUR FAULT FOR NOT HAVING A CAR OR SPENDING FIFTY BUCKS ON AN UBER. TRYING TO GO TO YOUR FIFTH FAMILY FUNERAL BECAUSE ALL YOUR RELATIVES ARE DROPPING LIKE FLIES AFTER A HARD SIXTY YEARS OF LABOR? OOH, SORRY, YOU ONLY GET FOUR FUNERAL DAYS A YEAR! NEED TO GET ANOTHER JOB BECAUSE YOUR CURRENT ONE DOESN’T PAY ENOUGH? WELL, YOU FORGOT TO DISCLOSE IT TO YOUR BOSS AND THEY FIRED YOU FOR TWO-TIMING THEM! A JOB IS MORE OF A COMMITMENT THAN A SPOUSE, AND IF YOU HAVE OTHER PRIORITIES, YOU WON’T LAST LONG.

BECAUSE THE BOURGEOISIE OWNS SERVICES THAT SHOULD BE PROVIDED BY THE GOVERNMENT, LIKE HEALTHCARE, HOME AND AUTO INSURANCE, A LOT OF HIGHER EDUCATION ESTABLISHMENTS, CREDIT BUREAUS, LOAN COMPANIES, AND HOSPITALS, PROFIT IS THE MOTIVE THERE TOO! WHICH MEANS IF YOU HAVE ANY KIND OF INSURANCE, NEED TO BUY A HOUSE OR A CAR, WANT OR NEED AN EDUCATION, ARE CHRONICALLY ILL, OR JUST EXIST ON A GENERAL BASIS, COMPANIES ARE RIPPING YOU OFF. YOU ARE BASICALLY PAYING THOUSANDS A MONTH FOR THE CHANCE TO GET *SOME* OF YOUR MASSIVE HOSPITAL BILL COVERED IF YOU GET IN AN ACCIDENT. THIS ONE IS NEAR AND DEAR TO ME. FOR UNIMPORTANT REASONS, I MANAGE TO RACK UP A LOT OF DEBT EVERY YEAR GOING TO HOSPITALS AND URGENT CARE, CALLING AMBULANCES, PAYING FOR MEDICATION THAT DOESN’T WORK. DID YOU KNOW YOU’RE CHARGED NIGHTLY TO STAY IN HOSPITALS LIKE THEY’RE GODDAMN HOTELS? LIKE IT’S A FUCKING VACATION? AND DID YOU KNOW THE BILLING DEPARTMENTS OF EACH OF THESE PRIVATELY OWNED ESTABLISHMENTS IS MADE UP OF UNDERPAID, OVERSTRESSED MEMBERS OF THE PROLETARIAT WHOSE JOB IS TO FUCK UP YOUR BILL SO YOU OWE MORE THAN YOUR VISIT ACTUALLY COST?

MEDICAL FACILITIES ARE ALSO PUSHED TO SELL OVERPRICED DRUGS THAT DON’T WORK TO PEOPLE. HEADS UP, GUYS, BUT ANTIBIOTICS DON’T WORK AGAINST VIRAL INFECTIONS, AND YET THEY’RE PRESCRIBED FOR THE FLU AND COMMON COLD EVERY DAY. AND SOMETIMES THE DRUGS DO WORK, BUT THEY’RE STILL OVERPRICED! IF YOU’VE BEEN ON THE INTERNET AT ALL THIS YEAR YOU’LL KNOW ALL ABOUT THE INSULIN CRISIS, WHICH WAS CREATED ARTIFICIALLY. BASICALLY THE PEOPLE WHO OWN INSULIN (YEAH, *OWN* A LIFE-SAVING MEDICATION) RACKED UP THE PRICE SO MUCH THAT PEOPLE COULDN’T FUCKING AFFORD IT ANYMORE, DESPITE A NORMAL DOSE OF INSULIN COSTING LIKE FIFTY CENTS TO MAKE?? OR, HOW ABOUT THIS—THEY INVENTED THIS COOL NEW CHEAP PAIN-RELIEVING DRUG CALLED FENTANYL AND DISCOVERED THEY COULD MAKE A SHIT TON OF MONEY OFF IT, SO DOCTORS PRESCRIBED THE HELL OUT OF IT UNTIL PEOPLE GOT SO ADDICTED TO IT THAT TENS OF THOUSANDS OF PEOPLE DIED OF OVERDOSES. OH, DID I SAY “PRESCRIBED” IN THE PAST TENSE? MY BAD, THEY CONTINUE TO PRESCRIBE IT EVERY SINGLE DAY. IF YOU HAVE CHRONIC PAIN AND ASK DOCTORS NOT TO PUT YOU ON PAIN MEDICATION, A LOT OF TIMES THEY WILL STILL PUT YOU ON PAIN MEDICATION. IF YOU EXPLAIN TO YOUR DOCTOR THAT YOU KICKED A HEROIN ADDICTION AND YOU REALLY WOULD NOT LIKE TO HAVE OPIOIDS PUT IN YOUR BODY, THEY WILL PROBABLY STILL BE LIKE, HUH, SUCKS FOR YOU, AND PUT OPIOIDS IN YOUR BODY.

DO YOU WANT TO CHANGE ANY OF THIS? PERHAPS PETITION YOUR LOCAL POLITICIAN, OR GOD FORBID, STATE CONGRESSMAN, TO PASS A LAW THAT YOU THINK MIGHT IMPROVE YOUR LIFE? WELL, IT TURNS OUT YOU NEED A LOT OF MONEY TO RUN A CAMPAIGN NOWADAYS, AND POLITICIANS ARE ALLOWED TO BE SPONSORED BY BIG BUSINESSES, BECAUSE BUSINESSES ARE PEOPLE. SO IF YOU’RE THE SENATOR OF NEW JERSEY OR WHATEVER, AND YOUR CONSTITUENTS WANT YOU TO VOTE TO RAISE THE MINIMUM WAGE, BUT YOUR CAMPAIGN IS OWNED BY WALMART, WHO WANTS TO KEEP PAYING ITS WORKERS ELEVEN BUCKS AN HOUR, YOU HAVE THE CHOICE BETWEEN MAKING A COUPLE LITTLE WORKING CLASS IDIOTS ANGRY OR GETTING ALL YOUR FUNDING FROM WALMART PULLED BECAUSE YOU THREATENED THEIR PROFIT MARGINS.

NOT ACTIVELY DYING FROM A TREATABLE ILLNESS, WASTING AWAY FROM DRUG ADDICTION, OR ENTRENCHED IN SLAVERY TO A CORPORATION WHOSE PRODUCT YOU DON’T BELIEVE IN? GREAT! DID YOU KNOW THE PLANET WILL BE ON FIRE IN LIKE A FEW DECADES? OIL AND GAS COMPANIES HAVE SO MUCH INFLUENCE OVER THE LAWMAKERS THAT ARE SUPPOSED TO PROHIBIT THEM FROM RUINING THE PLANET, THEY’VE PUT THE ONUS OF SAVING IT ON INDIVIDUALS’ SHOULDERS. REDUCE YOUR CARBON EMISSIONS BY TAKING THAT HOURLY BUS (YOU’LL EITHER BE FIFTY MINUTES EARLY TO WORK OR TEN MINUTES LATE!) OR RECYCLING YOUR SHIT (BUT IF YOU DON’T KNOW WHAT YOUR MUNICIPALITY CAN’T RECYCLE, THEY’LL THROW THE WHOLE BATCH OUT WHEN YOU PUT TRASH IN) OR TURNING THE LIGHTS OFF IN YOUR HOUSE (JUST EAT DINNER IN THE DARK YOU PIECE OF SHIT) OR INSTALLING SOLAR PANELS ON YOUR HOUSE (FUCK ME FOR RENTING I GUESS?) THERE IS SO MUCH WE CAN DO JUST WHENEVER TO SWITCH TO SUSTAINABLE ENERGY, BUT EXXON AND BP AND SHELL OWN SO MUCH INFLUENCE THAT WE’RE JUST *NOT*, AND LEAVING THIS WASTELAND OF A HOME PLANET TO OUR FUTURE GENERATIONS. BUT AT LEAST ELON MUSK BUILT THIS REALLY COOL LOW-POLY BETHESDA LOOKING PIECE OF SHIT FOR US TO MAKE MEMES ABOUT

HERE’S THE SKINNY OF IT, PEOPLE. THERE’S NO OUT WITHIN OUR CURRENT SYSTEM. EVEN IF YOU DID THE MAGIC AND PULLED YOURSELF UP BY YOUR BOOTSTRAPS AND NOW YOU’RE A BIG BOY WHO OWNS HIS OWN COMPANY, YOU LEFT BEHIND A BUNCH OF PEOPLE WHO DIDN’T WIN THE BIRTH LOTTERY LIKE YOU DID. INNOCENT FOLKS ARE DYING OF HUNGER OR ILLNESS THEY CAN’T AFFORD TO TREAT, CRASHING CARS THEY CAN’T AFFORD TO FIX, WORKING THEMSELVES LITERALLY TO DEATH TO SUPPORT THEMSELVES OR THEIR FAMILIES, AND SCRAPING BY WITH A MEASLY ALLOWANCE OF FREE TIME WITH WHICH TO UNWIND AND CATCH UP WITH OTHER PEOPLE. THEY DON’T HAVE TIME TO WATCH THE NEWS, THINK CRITICALLY ABOUT THE SOCIETY THEY LIVE IN, CONCEPTUALIZE UNIONIZING OR REVOLTING OR BUILDING GUILLOTINES. THEY WANT TO KEEP US EXHAUSTED AND STRUGGLING BECAUSE IT’S WHAT KEEPS THEM COMFORTABLE UP THERE, KNOWING NO ONE HAS THE ENERGY OR THE GALL TO TOUCH THEM. THE ONLY FUCKING WAY TO ESCAPE THIS HELL WE’VE CREATED IS THROUGH REVOLUTION. WE NEED TO SCRAP THIS WHOLE THING AND START OVER. BUT I THINK THAT’S ANOTHER ESSAY. ANYWAY I HOPE THIS WAS THOROUGH ENOUGH FOR A LITERAL ALIEN SOCIETY.

TL;DR: WE ARE ALL FUCKED IF WE DON’T OVERTHROW THE RICH.

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*CHRISTOPHER COLUMBUS IS SOME EUROPEAN WHO SAILED THE WRONG WAY AND ENDED UP IN THE AMERICAS. HE AND HIS BUDDIES RAPED AND PILLAGED THEIR WAY THROUGH A BUNCH OF INDIGINOUS COMMUNITIES AND DECIDED THIS COUNTRY WAS “FREE REIGN” TO SETTLE IN. HE IS HAILED AS THE AMERICAN ODYSSEUS AND CREDITED WITH THE “DISCOVERY” OF AMERICA BECAUSE OF COURSE ALL THOSE PEOPLE WHO LIVED HERE FIRST DON’T COUNT??

**I DON’T KNOW SHIT ABOUT WARS EITHER BUT LET’S GET INTO IT FROM THE POV OF A GUY WHO PASSED HIS WORLD HISTORY CLASS WITH A STRAIGHT B MINUS.

THE FIRST WORLD WAR: I DON’T GIVE A SHIT ABOUT THIS ONE.

THE SECOND WORLD WAR: THE ONE WHERE A BUNCH OF SCIENTISTS AND GOVERNMENT OFFICERS BOMBED A COUPLE OF CIVILIAN SETTLEMENTS IN JAPAN AND I’M PRETTY SURE AN *ENTIRE HAWAIIAN ISLAND* JUST TO SEE WHAT HAPPENED. TURNS OUT IT KILLED A BUNCH OF CIVILIANS. HUH! WHO’D HAVE EXPECTED THAT! OH IT ALSO TURNED AN ENTIRE GENERATION OF OTHERWISE DECENT FOLKS INTO RABIDLY PATRIOTIC IDIOTS, BECAUSE THE PACE AT WHICH THIS COUNTRY CHURNS OUT PROPAGANDA DURING A WAR IS FASTER THAN THE SPEEDING RUBBER BAND I SHOT WITH MY FINGERS AT THE TEACHER WHO WAS EXPLAINING WHY EVERY OTHER COUNTRY WAS IN THE ABSOLUTE WRONG DURING THIS CATASTROPHE.

VIETNAM: OKAY SO BASICALLY PEOPLE HATED THIS ONE BECAUSE THEY REALIZED SOLDIERS WERE GOING ALL CHRISTOPHER COLUMBUS ON THE COUNTRIES WHERE THEY WERE STATIONED. ENOUGH SAID.

COLD WAR: THIS IS NOMINALLY A WAR BECAUSE THE GOOD OLD U.S.A. AND ITS HATEFUCKBUDDY THE U.S.S.R.† DID THIS WITH WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION

(EVENTUALLY THEY DECIDED TO PUT THE FINGER GUNS AWAY. I’M GONNA LET YOU TRY TO PUZZLE OUT ON YOUR OWN HOW COUNTRIES “PUT AWAY” NUCLEAR WEAPONS CAPABLE OF ENDING ALL LIFE ON EARTH.)

SPACE RACE: THE U.S. AND THE U.S.S.R. HAD A FUN COMPETITION TO SEE WHOSE DICK WAS BIG ENOUGH TO GET TO THE MOON. SCIENCE IS RUINED.

***ARTISTS, WRITERS, JOURNALISTS, VIDEO ESSAYISTS, AND ANYONE ELSE WHO ISN’T EITHER OWNED OR SPONSORED (THAT’S A FANCY WORD FOR “OWNED”) BY BIG BUSINESS TEND TO BE THREATENED BY POVERTY. PRETTY MUCH ANYONE WHO CAN FREELANCE ACTUALLY, BECAUSE WORKING FOR A CORPORATION PROVIDES THE SAFETY NET THAT SOCIAL PROGRAMS WOULD OTHERWISE TAKE CARE OF IF SOCIAL PROGRAMS WERE FUNDED EVER.

****ALSO KNOWN AS THE AMERICAN DREAM, IN WHICH *ANYBODY* CAN MAKE IT IN THIS COUNTRY IF THEY TRY HARD ENOUGH! UNFORTUNATELY THIS IS A MYTH, AS YOU CAN SEE BY THE FACT THAT I AM STILL REALLY POOR, AS IS LIKE 90% OF THE COUNTRY. PLUS CLASS MOBILITY WORKS REALLY HARD TO KEEP MINORITIES IN EXTREME POVERTY, BECAUSE IT DOESN’T EXIST AS AN ISOLATED SYSTEM AND ANYONE WHO THINKS IT DOES IS A DUMBSHIT WHO’S BOUGHT INTO THIS EVEN MORE THAN THE AVERAGE DUMBSHIT.

†RUSSIA’S COOL NEW NAME WHEN IT TRIED OUT SOCIALISM

#HERE YOU FUCKING GO ALIENS.#I WOULD HAVE GOTTEN A D MINUS FOR THIS IN SCHOOL.#FOR REASONS THAT ARE ESTABLISHED UNDER THE CUT.#{{i typed this in google docs? its uhhh 8 pages long #addiction/#drugs/#war/#uncle sam/#tesla truck/#watch as it fucks up the formatting and kills me instantly

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douchebagbrainwaves · 5 years

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YOU GUYS I JUST THOUGHT OF THIS

I guarantee you'll be surprised by the consequences of the licensing deal for DOS, just as it's easier to get people to remember just one quote about programming, it would be more interested in an essay about why something isn't the problem, even though you know that free with just two exclamation points has a probability of. Then when you reach for the sledgehammer; if their kids won't listen to them, because you can, to a limited extent, simulate a closure a function that takes a number n, and returns a function that refers to variables defined in enclosing scopes by defining a class with one method and a field to replace each variable from an enclosing scope.1 The US Is Not Yet a Police State. Better Judgement Needed If the number of users and the problem is usually artificial and predetermined. There are two main kinds of error that get in the way you'd expect any subculture to be, in certain specific moments like your family, this month a fixed amount you need to simplify and clarify, and the threat to potential investors and they hope this will make it big is not simply to give them at least 20 years, and then at each point the way such a project would play out? You could do it than literally making a mark on the world.2 I'll come running.3 They make such great CEOs. First of all, for the most part they punt. For all its power, Silicon Valley is that you get discouraged when no one else at the time.

But there is also huge source of implicit tags that they ignore: the text within web links.4 It was more prestigious to be one of those things until you strike something. Both self-control and experience have this effect: to eliminate the random biases that come from your own circumstances, and tricks played by the artist.5 It's very common for startups to exist.6 But even in the mating dance, patents are part of the mob, stand as far away from it myself; I see it there on the page and quickly move on to the next step, whatever that is. Meanwhile the iPhone is selling better than ever. 4 million is starting to appear in the mainstream media came from. People's best friends are likely to be careful here to distinguish between them. If you have multiple founders, esprit de corps binds them together in one place for a certain percentage of your startup. There is more to be actively curious. Most CEOs delegate taste to a subordinate.7 The closest thing seemed to be synonymous with quiet, so I won't repeat it all here.

The nature of the application domain.8 Mean People Fail November 2014 It struck me recently how few of the startups we fund. Angels don't like publicity.9 That can be useful when it's a crappy version one made by a company called Y Combinator that said Y Combinator does seed funding for startups is way less than the measurement error. But there is no argument about that—at least in computational bottlenecks. And in the film industry, though producers may second-guess directors, the director controls most of what is now called VoIP, and it will take off. Instead of bubbling up from the bottom, by overpaying unions, the traditional news media, and the techniques I used may be applicable to ideas in general.10 If someone proves a new theorem, it takes some work by the reader to decide whether or not to upvote it. But because patent trolls don't make anything physical.11

They work well enough in everyday life.12 This site isn't lame. It's all evasion.13 A comparatively safe and prosperous career with some automatic baseline prestige is dangerously tempting to someone young, who hasn't thought much about it, and the path to intelligence through carefully selected self-indulgence by mimicking more virtuous types. Spend little. Someone like Bill Gates? In the last 20 years, grown into a monstrosity. I'm not writing here about Java which I have never seen any of ITA's code, but according to one of the causes of the increase in disagreement, there's a good chance the person at the next table could help you at all. Also, startups are an all-star team. I can solve that problem by stopping entirely. Wouldn't it start to seem lame?

It would be a good idea.14 I read most things I write out loud at least once a week, cooked for the first couple generations.15 I'm not saying it's correct, incidentally, but it happens surprisingly rarely. I've learned about VC while working on it for a couple years for another company for two years. The word boss is derived from a talk at Oscon 2004.16 I assumed I'd learn what in college.17 But also it will tell you to spend too much. The problem is not the one that is. Inexperienced angels often get cold feet.18

Even more important than others? File://localhost/home/patrick/Documents/programming/python projects/UlyssesRedux/corpora/unsorted/schlep. But after a while I learned the trick of speaking fast.19 Why wouldn't young professionals make lots of new things I want to reach users, you need colleagues to brainstorm with, to talk you out of stupid decisions, and to analyze based on what a few people think in our insular little Web 2.20 Fortunately if this does happen it will take a big bite out of your round. What difference did it make if other manufacturers could offer DOS too? One of the things I had to condense the power of compound growth. Then they're mystified to find that there are degrees of coolness. It requires the kind of intensity and dedication from programmers that they will always be made to develop new technologies at a slower rate than the rest, and the second is whatever specific lies Xes differentiate themselves by believing. This bites you twice: they get less done, but they need more help because life is so precarious for them. Unless they've tried not taking board seats and found their returns are lower, they're not drifting.

Programmers don't use launch-fast-and-so is an animal.21 But it is very hard for someone who publishes online.22 Not because starting one's own company seemed too ambitious, but because it didn't look like a car spinning its wheels. It's hard for them to change. Experts have given Wikipedia middling reviews, but they weren't going to wait. Wufoo seem to have any teeth, and the useful half is the payload. This is arguably a permissible tactic.

Most books on startups also seem to be joined together, but really the thesis is an optimistic one—that everyone should go and start a startup during college, but it was simpler than they thought. I do in proper essays. Because they personally liked it. Game We saw this happen so often that we made up a name for what I learned from this experiment is that if VCs are only doing it in the plainest words and you'll be free again.23 That's the worst thing about our software. Now the results seem inspired by the Scientologist principle that what's true is what's true for you. Also, the money might come in several tranches, the later ones subject to various conditions—though this is apparently more common in deals with lower-tier investors sometimes give offers with very short fuses, because they get their ideas? If you do that you raise too many expectations. There's no reason to believe there is any field in which the most efficient solutions win, rather than working on the company to become valuable, and you don't have significant success to cheer you up when things go wrong.24

Notes

That's a good nerd, just that if the statistics they use; if anything they could to help you even be tempted to do is adjust the weights till the 1920s to financing growth with the other hand, launching something small and traditional proprietors on the admissions committee knows the professors who wrote the recommendations. If you're doing. There were a property of the world will sooner or later.

And yet I think it's publication that makes curators and dealers use neutral-sounding language. Google and Facebook are driven by money, then you're being gratuitously troublesome. We walked with him for the next round.

People were more dependent on banks for capital for expansion.

That's not a remark about the idea upon have different time quanta. Since the remaining power of Democractic party machines, but since it was 10. The chief lit a cigarette.

Without the prospect of publication, the average Edwardian might well guess wrong.

In fact, for example I've deliberately avoided saying whether the 25 people have responded to this talk, so that you can't help associating it with the founders' salaries to the prevalence of systems of seniority. Moving large amounts of new stock. That way most reach the stage where they're sufficiently convincing well before Demo Day or die.

This form of religious wars or undergraduate textbooks so determinedly neutral that they're really saying is they want to learn.

This is an interesting sort of dress rehearsal for the first 40 employees, with the issues they have that glazed over look.

According to Sports Illustrated, the first duty of the anti-dilution protections.

Currently we do at least seem to understand technology because they could not process it.

Doing a rolling close usually prevents this. The liking you have to replace you. Convertible debt is usually slow growth or excessive spending rather than given by other people.

Investors are fine with funding nerds. Cascading menus would also be argued that we wouldn't have the concept of the war, federal tax receipts have stayed close to the inane questions of the Fabian Society, it often means the startup will be, unchanging, but Joshua Schachter tells me it was wiser for them by the National Center for Education Statistics, the activation energy to start with consumer electronics and to run an online service. Seeming like they worked together mostly at night.

Instead of making n constant, it is. I started using it out of their due diligence tends to happen fast, like good scientists, motivated less by financial rewards than by you based on respect for their judgement. If you're sufficiently good bet, why not turn your company into one? Which explains the astonished stories one always hears about VC while working on such an interview.

Com/spam. So if you're a YC startup you can do it to colleagues. Doh.

That's the difference between good and bad measurers. I get the money, then their incentives aren't aligned with some question-begging answer like it's inappropriate, while she likes getting attention in the nature of server-based applications, and how unbelievably annoying it is. That's probably too much to hope for, but they can't teach students how to deal with the other direction Y Combinator.

The downside is that there's more of the expert they send to look you over.

If he's bad at it he'll work very hard to pick a date, because the median case.

They're motivated by examples of how hard they work. They're so selective that they won't be able to hire a lot of people like them—people who have money to spend a lot of classic abstract expressionism is doodling of this type: lies told by older siblings. But no planes crash if your goal is to make money from the Ordinatio of Duns Scotus: Philosophical Writings, Nelson, 1963, p. Structurally the idea that they probably wouldn't be irrational.

They thought most programming would be to say for sure whether, e. Travel has the same investor to do it to them, but investors can get done before that. To get all that matters, just as he or she would be on demand, because universities are where a lot of startups will generally raise large amounts of our own, like a wave. So as a naturalist.

It's interesting to consider behaving the opposite. Which in turn forces Digg to respond with extreme countermeasures.

Maybe that isn't really working bad unit economics, typically and then being unable to raise money, you can base brand on anything with a slight disadvantage, but historical abuses are easier for us, they are bleeding cash really fast. Though in fact it may be underestimating VCs. 25. And I've never heard of many startups from Philadelphia.

For example, understanding French will help dispel the cloud of semi-sacred mystery that surrounds a hot startup. Those investors probably thought they'd been pretty clever by getting such a dangerous mistake to believe that successful founders still get rich will use this technique, you'll be well on your product, just harder.

Common Lisp for, but those are probably not do this right you'd have reached after lots of back and forth. This is isomorphic to the company's PR people worked hard to get a real partner. In fact since 2 1.

I'm not saying that's all prep schools is to give them sufficient activation energy for enterprise software.

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bifrostbookreviews · 6 years

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How to Read 200 Books in 1 Year

Trust me, I’m a Professional

Note: this picture does not include every book I read, it’s just how many bookmarks I filled up in 2018.

Post below the Cut for Brevity:

So, I read 200 books in 2018. It was my third attempt to do so; in 2016 I read ~150, in 2017 I read ~110, and this year, come hell or high water, I was going to finish this stupid challenge so I’d never have to attempt it again.

I want to start this post off by saying I absolutely do not recommend reading 200 books in one year. I felt the book hangover in the very fibers of my being. I had to cancel plans so I could get my reading done. At one point, I had some personal things going on so I didn’t read for ~3 weeks when I was already behind, ended up like 26 books behind schedule and Goodreads was telling me I had to read 5 books a week to catch up and I was absolutely freaking out. There were books I couldn’t fully enjoy because I was pushing myself so hard to get to the end that I couldn’t just stop and process and enjoy them. It was annoying and I’m personally never doing this again. If you are on the fence about trying to do a challenge like this... don’t. Or pick something more reasonable, like 100-150 books.

That said, this post is written for the hardcore book nerds like me, where the struggle doesn’t matter, you just want to be so over the top in your book nerdiness you’re gonna attempt 200 books anyway. It took me 3 solid attempts to be successful, and I’ve learned a lot about what to do. I want to impart this knowledge out there, so anyone else trying it can have a general guide on how to get this done.

Without further ado, here’s how to read 200 books in one year. These aren’t in particular order, they’re just written as they came to mind.

1. Understand what you’re getting into. This was the biggest mistake I made in the previous two years. There’s only 365 days in a year, and if you have 200 books to read, guess what? You basically have to finish a book every 2 days. You need to go in understanding that 3-4 hours of your day will be spent on uninterrupted reading every day, 7 days a week, 52 weeks in a row. That’s what it takes to pull this off, and the sooner you grasp that, the more successful you’ll be over all.

2. Read every genre / don’t read bad books / don’t be ashamed of short books / don’t avoid long books. I know this is a 4-in-1, but they all come down to the same thing: avoiding BOOK BURNOUT. I cannot stress this enough: do not go into this challenge thinking you’re only going to read books in one or two genres. You will drive yourself crazy. Even if in the past, you only read mysteries or you’re only here for YA, trust me when I tell you that you’ll get absolutely sick of your regular genre. Make sure you find books that are completely different from each other. Even if you don’t like them, it’s important to try and switch things up.

That said, don’t force yourself to slog through a book that you aren’t feeling. I give all of my books 50 pages to hook me, and if I’m not absolutely into it by then, I move on. I do this intentionally, because if I’m not enthralled, I become a slow, distracted reader, and then I fall behind, and then I’ll end up 2 weeks behind and it’s not even that I didn’t want to read, it’s that I didn’t want to read this one particular book. I will also sometimes give up at the halfway point and count them as read, because I gave them a solid chance and I’ve gleaned enough to write a Goodreads review about it and spent upwards of 3 hours on it.

I also want to talk about book length, as well. This also has a lot to do with pacing, which I’ll talk more about later so forgive me if this is wonky, but here goes. You need to read books that average a certain page limit. My personal reading limit is ~200 pages a day without inciting a major book hangover. This may be different for you, but it’s important that you become really familiar with where that boundary is, and pick books to read that are no more than twice your daily limit for your day to day reading. If you can muster 150 pages a day, then you should be reading ON AVERAGE books that are around 300 pages and finishing one every 2 days.

That said, one of my life-savers when I got behind was keeping a stack of novellas, poetry collections, and Goosebumps on hand. There are going to be days you’re too busy to read; you will need emergency books that only take half an hour of reading to get through.

By the same token, don’t discard long books. The Game of Thrones series actually got me out of a reading slump in 2018 despite each book having 1,000+ pages. I just didn’t try to read them in 2 days; instead I would read 30 pages a day on days where I had wiggle room or some extra time to pick at it. I recommend doing the same on books that you really want to read but can’t justify reading all at once, because otherwise, you’ll just wind up frustrated that you’re reading things you don’t want to be.

3. Befriend and support your local indy bookstore. Fair warning, I’m biased, but hear me out. When you’re trying to read 200 books in one year, you need a HUGE supply of books. You’re going to read new books, old books, books you’ve wanted to read for years and books you’ve never heard of before. You’re going to get books online, through friends, through the library, through thrift stores--everywhere. You will be a reading machine. Even if you own 200 books and you get rid of them as you go, you’re going to end the year owning more books than you started with--trust me. You may not know it yet, but you’re signing up for this.

If you have a local independent bookstore, go talk to the employees/owners there. Their job is not to go mark clearance, scan things, rearrange endcaps, and try as hard as possible to avoid you interrupting their daily work task, like it is at any big box retailer. Their job is to find you exactly what you want to read. They will be your Book Person. They will know what books are hot right now, they will have more recommendations than you know what to do with, if they have used books and do a trade in program their books will be cheaper than anything you find online, and if you reeeally get to know them they will probably throw in books - particularly pre-published galleys - for free (don’t tell them I said that). They also sell incredibly discounted books; at my store, specifically, we have a whole cart of books that are $1 each, and multiple bookcases of used hardcover books $3 each. It can be a lifesaver if you’re attempting this challenge on a budget.

4. Read on different formats. Research shows that the majority of people read faster on digital devices than they do on paper, but that their comprehension is cut in half. I’m sure right now you’re probably thinking “ok, you just said to support local bookstores; why are you telling me to read on Kindle? Amazon is evil.” First off, you can procure e-books through the websites of some indy bookstores (like mine), which supports us and which we greatly appreciate. Second of all, there’s a lot of books offered online that simply aren’t available in bookstores (ex Chuck Tingle novellas). And third, I DO NOT recommending doing ALL of your reading on e-readers; your comprehension is going to suffer. With all of that said, I personally read twice as fast on my Kindle than I do reading the physical copy of a book (I tested it). It’s something to keep in mind.

5. Keep a steady pace / accept that you’ll fall behind / DON’T BINGE READ! I touched on this earlier with book length, but it’s SO, SO important to maintain a steady pace. What I ended up doing - and wish I had done from the beginning - was on any given book, I’d see how many pages total it had and mark the exact halfway point. That was how far I had to read. The next day, I knew I had to read to the end. Rinse, lather, repeat.

So what happens when you have a couple off days and you don’t get your reading done and now you’re behind? Your first inclination, I can tell you from experience, will be to try and catch up. ‘I can read 400 pages in a day,’ you’ll scoff before eating an entire book like it’s no different from a Netflix binge watch. Now you’re caught up. Problem solved... except it’s not, because the next day, you’re not going to want to look at a book. You’ve won yourself a book hangover, and you’re going to wind up even more behind than you started.

This is the reason why it’s important to keep short books on hand. Instead of binge reading, maintain your pace. Read your short books when you’re behind. If there’s a book you have to give up on, use the day to get farther in whatever long book you’re reading. DO NOT try to jack your pace beyond your daily limit and tell yourself that you can binge read without consequences. You can do that when you’re not doing this challenge.

6. Use a focus app. So this is my final advice, and it was an absolute lifesaver. I honestly don’t think I would have been able to complete this challenge without the Forest app on my phone. There are other focus apps that work just as well, but that’s the one I use. The way the focus app works is that you set a timer and it blocks you from using your phone until the timer goes off. In the case of Forest, it plants a tree and any time you unlock your phone it gives you a message like “stop phlubbing!” or “get back to work!” If you complete the timer, it plants a tree in your forest. If you ignore the timer and go on Facebook, it plants a dead tree in your forest.

I used to be really addicted to my phone and I would waste so much time just scrolling through social media or sending random texts, w.e, but because of this app all of my distractions were eliminated and I was able to consistently eke out time for my reading. I normally set 45 minute timers and I would usually be done with my scheduled reading within 3 or 4 rounds. Honestly, even if you’re not trying this challenge, I still recommend a focus app. It’s just a game changer with anything you’re trying to get done.

So yeah, that’s all. If you’ve kept on till the end, thank you SO MUCH! I know this is the longest post EVER, but reading 200 books a year isn’t easy--and I’m talkative. Please let me know if you’re trying this challenge out, or if you’re trying another challenge! How many books are you reading this year? Have you tried this before? Let me know.

#bifrostbookreviews #booklr #bookblr #reading challenge #200 books #bookworm #bookaddict #new year #bookdragon #reading #read #literature

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branlovestowrite · 6 years

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Reunited: A Stucky Story

I recently fell down the Stucky wormhole after @dracosollicitus started posting her Stucky WIP What’s Left of Kisses (side note, go read that when you’re done here). I’ve read a lot of Stucky stories in the past two months, but I couldn’t find one that had them reuniting in a modern-day, non superhero setting. After a while I decided I should write it myself. I added in Shuri/Bucky BroTP because I LOVE them as besties, as well as a little Jessica Jones/Bucky Barnes friendship because I love JJ and want her in all the Marvel stories. And of course, the women of Marvel ship Stucky and take measures to throw them together. This is my first Stucky story, and, if it’s a ship you’re into, I hope you’ll like what I’ve come up with.

Title: Reunited

Rating: T for mild language and brief mentions of sex

Summary: Bucky Barnes never thought he’d see his childhood best friend, and source of his first heartbreak, Steve Rogers ever again. He is thrown for a loop when Steve ends up working for one of his new clients. What happens now that these boys are together again? Can Bucky finally overcome his nerves and confess his true feelings to Steve?

Also on AO3

On a typical Wednesday morning, Bucky Barnes walked into work, completely unaware that by the end of the day, his life would change forever. That morning had seemed like a normal day in the office. The coffee was stale, the old donuts sat untouched and unmoved, and Shuri was teasing him just like she did every day. “Hey Bucky!” she yelled from across the room. “Yes?” He asked, the corners of his mouth twitching with amusement as he approached their shared workspace. Shuri’s brown eyes sparkled with mirth. “Peter and I are in an argument-” “More like a disagreement,” Peter interrupted, his head poking above the cube wall. “An argument,” Shuri continued “about what dating was like before cell phones. I figured you could help me settle it.” “Really?” Bucky raised his eyebrows in response. “I’m not that much older than you guys. I got my first cell phone in high school.” “But that was old tech,” Shuri clarified. “No dating apps; limited texting. What did you do when you had to… call… people?” She said the word ‘call’ as if it offended her. “I don’t know,” Bucky replied, “I just called them.” He dropped his messenger bag to the floor and sank into his desk chair. “What even is this argument about?” “I say people didn’t… have sex,” Peter explained, a flush rising up over his cheeks and ears. “I mean, that is, they didn’t have sex as soon. They waited longer. Since, you know, they weren’t sexting or sending-” he cut himself off as the remainder of his face turned the same shade as a tomato. Shuri gave an exasperated sigh. “Dick pics, Peter. The phrase is dick pics.”

Bucky groaned and hung his head, his chin length hair falling around his face. “You know, we are working…” “Anyway! I say that even if they couldn’t send dick pics, people still found ways to get nasty because people have always found ways to get nasty.” “What did I just walk in on?” Shuri’s brother, their boss and owner of the company, T’Challa walked up with a concerned look on his face. “Do I need to call Okoye?” “No, please, sir,” Peter fumbled. “Ha!” Shuri laughed. “Peter’s scared of HR!” “I’m not scared of HR; just Okoye. She can be so tough!” “Please make them stop,” Bucky pleaded, turning to T’Challa. Their boss only laughed in return. “If you find a way to make my sister stop, Barnes, you come let me know. I haven’t found one yet.” He walked on, continuing his morning lap of the office. After a minute, as Bucky was bringing up his email, Shuri pushed her chair over to his desk. “So, old man, what did you guys do?” Bucky stopped his perusal to reminisce. He remembered rushing home to get to his computer and see if Steve was online. They would chat for hours via AIM, unless one of them had to get off the computer so a parent could use the phone line. When they each got cell phones they would call each other at 9:00pm sharp, when minutes were unlimited, and talk until one or both of their phone batteries died. A flush grew on his cheeks as he remembered the not-so-innocent turn their conversations sometimes took. While he never did anything explicit with Steve, he thoroughly remembered some of the thoughts he’d had during those conversations; thoughts he’d been too afraid to express. And the things he did with other people, in an attempt to get Steve out of his head. “Shuri’s right.” He said, looking at Peter. Shuri smirked conspiratorially. “Oooo… Bucky got nasty!” “That’s all I’m saying,” Bucky replied, turning back to his screen. Bucky worked for Wakanda Tech, or WT as the employees called it, a startup taking the corporate communications world by storm. T’Challa inherited the company from his father, but most of their recent products came directly from Shuri’s designs. She was a wunderkind, with an innate understanding of technology that put people twice her age to shame. And somehow she managed to combine her technical ability with a personality that was warm and engaging. It was impossible not to like Shuri. Bucky considered himself lucky to have landed a position at WT. Most of the employees were in their early 20’s. He was a random outlier, having met Okoye, their director of HR, at a job fair for veterans. Okoye was not your typical HR rep. She had a strict no-bullshit policy and had no issue with calling out her employees when she felt they were in violation of that. But she was also fiercely loyal and dedicated to the success of WT, having grown up alongside T’Challa. Okoye had an eye for talent, and she saw something in Bucky, even if he didn’t really see it himself. He worked as a implementation manager, helping get new clients on the platform once they’d purchased a license. Bucky had an eye for organization, a direct result of his military training. His personal life might be a mess, but he knew how to get other people in order. Once Shuri and Peter settled their dispute, the office became quiet, although a hum of anticipation still hung in the air. Today was a very important day for WT. T’Challa had been in discussions with Tony Stark about bringing their product to Stark Inc. If they landed this contract, there would be a huge bonus for everyone. Negotiations were almost complete; Stark was coming by later to hopefully sign the final documents. Bucky couldn’t calm the anxiety that crept up his spine. He never liked brash, overcompensating men like Stark- or at least the way Stark was portrayed in the media. When he was younger, he’d stopped more than a few of those types from beating Steve to a pulp. He’d learned to live with them in the Army, being surrounded by meatheads who preened like peacocks to hide their insecurities. He’d had his fill of guys like that during his time in the service, and did his best to avoid them now. Unfortunately, there was only one other Implementation Manager at WT, Peter, and he was too green to take on the Stark job. Like it or not, Bucky would have to be in the room with Stark later that day, and he’d most likely also have to suck up to the man. His stomach roiled and he skipped lunch, hiding out at his desk while he nibbled on a few crackers.

The day kept moving like a freight train, and, before long, it was time. The quiet, efficient atmosphere of WT was turned on its ear when Tony Stark walked in. Bucky watched from the safety of his desk as Stark was greeted by T’Challa. “Mr. Stark,” the always professional entrepreneur began as he shook Stark’s hand. “No no,” his guest interrupted, “if we’re gonna work together, you gotta call me Tony.” The man spoke his words in a rapid clip, as if he didn’t have time to breathe properly between syllables. “Very well, Tony: welcome to Wakanda Tech.” T’Challa gestured proudly around the office. “Small operation you got here, huh?” “We believe in a flat organization structure, to maximize efficiency.” “Great use of buzzwords there, pal,” Stark replied, placing his hand on T’Challa’s shoulder. Shuri chose that moment to stand from her desk and extend her own hand to Bucky. “Shall we go in?” “Do I have to?” Bucky whined petulantly. “Yes!” she scolded, looking much older than her 22 years. “Get off your ass and come with me.” Bucky straightened up and grabbed his tablet, standing to follow the younger woman. They headed to the conference room and made it inside just before Stark and his entourage entered. “This must be Shuri!” Stark exclaimed, greeting the lady on question with a hug. Shuri halfheartedly returned the gesture before pulling away with a smile. “It is good to meet you, Mr. Stark.” “I already had this conversation with your brother. Call me Tony.” Shuri smiled politely in response and then turned to Bucky. “This is James Barnes. He is the Implementation Manager that will be working on your account.” “Jamie!” Tony said, patting the other man on the shoulder. “Tony,” Bucky returned with a bemused smirk. “Finally someone who gets it,” Tony said with a smile. He turned to the people surrounding him. “Allow me to introduce Pepper Potts, my right hand and the only reason I have any success in this world.” A tall, willowy redhead nodded her head toward Bucky and Shuri. “And this is Rhodey, my other right hand and best friend in the world.” The man in question smiled tensely at the group. “And finally, this is-” “Steve,” Bucky said in awe, looking up at the last member of Stark’s party. “Steve Rogers, from my legal team,” Tony filled in, a little deflated. “I’m sorry,” he said, pointing between them, “do you two know each other?”

“Bucky and I go way back,” Steve said, his smile still as devastating as ever. He flashed his blue eyes at Bucky, and the other man felt himself get weak in the knees. “Bucky?” Tony asked with a smirk. Bucky grimaced. “My full name is James Buchanan Barnes… but my friends call me Bucky.” “Splendid!” Tony said. “You didn’t tell me you knew someone who worked here, Rogers.” “I didn’t know I had a connection,” Steve replied warmly, still looking at Bucky. “It’s been a while since we talked.” Bucky gave Steve a shy smile. “A lot has happened since we last saw each other.” They stood like that, staring awkwardly at one another while butterflies danced in Bucky’s stomach. Finally, T’Challa intervened. “Shall we get started?” he asked as he gestured toward the table. Bucky wasn’t sure how he made it through that meeting in one piece, but, in spite of the awkwardness he felt, the meeting was a success. Stark seemed keener to sign the contract knowing there was a personal relationship between a member of his staff and someone at WT. As soon as the meeting adjourned Steve pulled Bucky aside.

“You look good, Buck.” “Thanks,” Bucky said, refusing to meet the other man’s eyes. Steve had changed so much since he’d last seen him, He was at least a good foot taller, with much broader shoulders. Bucky had to actively try not to drool. “You do too, but… I thought you were smaller.” Steve chuckled and scratched the back of his neck. “I had a growth spurt right after I moved away.” “You look… really good,” Bucky said. He took in Steve’s chest and thick arms that filled out his jacket just right. His mind wandered to the last time those arms had been wrapped around him in a hug, when Steve was thinner and shorter. He couldn’t help but wonder how it would feel now to have them wrap around his body; to get lost in that strong embrace. “Bucky?” Steve asked, meeting the other man’s eye. “Huh? Yeah?” Bucky came back to himself with a jolt, cursing his train of thought. “You wanna get a drink later? Catch up?” “Yeah,” Bucky replied as a brilliant smile bloomed across Steve’s face. “Yeah, I’d like that.” Steve gave Bucky his card, adding his personal cell number and making Bucky promise to call him. Then he had to go, and Bucky was left standing there, feeling dumbstruck. He heaved a sigh the moment the room was clear. He was so, so screwed. ~/~ “What the hell was that?” Shuri asked the moment he got back to desk. “What are you talking about?” “Um… how about the way you eye-fucked Stark’s lawyer the entire time? Although it seems to have worked in our favor. We should pimp you out more.”

“I did not ‘eye-fuck’ anyone,” Bucky protested. “Steve’s just an old friend.” “Right… ‘friend.’ You know, it’s 2019. You don’t have to use euphemisms anymore.” “I’m not covering anything! I’ve never tried to hide my sexuality. But Steve was never like that. We grew up together.” “From the way you were looking at him, it seems like homeboy ‘glowed up.’ You gonna go for it?” “Nah. Steve’s not into guys. He’s a heterosexual, all-American boy,” Bucky replied, unable to hide the tinge of sadness in his voice. “You might want to reconsider that opinion,” Shuri replied. “What makes you say that?” “Because he spent the entire meeting looking at you the same way you were looking at him.”

This new information distracted Bucky for the rest of the day, and he had trouble focusing on even the most basic of tasks. Finally, at 4:55, he decided he couldn’t do anything else, and began to pack up. As he flipped through his portfolio, the business card Steve had pressed into his hand fluttered to the ground. Before he could retrieve it, Shuri scooped it up.

“Steve Rogers gave you his card, did he? And he wrote his personal number on there?”

“Yeah… he mentioned going to get a drink.”

“So call him!”

“Yeah… I will. Just… I need some time. It’s been a long time since I’ve seen Steve. A lot’s changed. I’m not the same kid I was in high school.”

Shuri’s gaze softened and she placed a gentle hand on Bucky’s shoulder. “I think the issue is actually that you’re a lot more like that kid than you realized, and seeing an old friend brought it all back.”

Bucky huffed a sigh and gave her a wry smile. “As usual, you prove how much smarter you are than me.”

“You heading out. Bucky?” Peter asked, poking his head over the cube wall once more.

“Yeah Pete. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“Actually, would you be free to head over to Nick’s with me? I wanted to ask your advice about something.” His gaze shifted to Shuri and he gave a scowl “ Away from interfering parties.”

Bucky laughed. “Alright Pete, yeah. Let’s do it.”

~/~

Steve Rogers was an adult. He’d graduated early from Harvard Law and landed a lucrative position at Stark Inc. before he’d turned 25. So influential was he in that role that he’s ended up becoming one of the principal members of the legal team at the company 18 months later. Steve was on lists like “30 under 30” and he didn’t like to brag, but he was considered in some circles to be a ‘big deal’. So why did he currently feel like a nervous teenager waiting by the phone?

He’d tried to play it off, but seeing Bucky earlier that day had thrown him. Bucky had been his best friend for the majority of his young life. He brought school work when Steve was sick and sat by his bed, helping to keep him entertained. As they got older, he’d helped protect Steve when he got into fights he couldn’t finish. He’d been there in good and bad times. Losing Bucky in his life was a blow Steve had never really recovered from.

After the meeting, he’d wanted nothing more than to spend the rest of the day catching up with his friend, but there was too much to do. He cursed himself for not getting a commitment to meet the other man somewhere later on. Leaving the planning up to Bucky filled him with anxiety. Steve did not like to wait. He was not a waiter. He was a doer.

At five-o'clock his phone finally rang, the caller an unknown number. He felt his heart pounding in his chest as he pressed the ‘accept’ button.

“Bucky?”

The voice on the other end of the line gave a dry laugh. It was definitely female, so not Bucky. “No, this is Shuri.”

It took a moment for his brain to catch up with the name. “Oh, yes, from WT, right?” It was a bit strange that she was calling his personal line, but he wasn’t going to be rude. “How can I help you?”

“This isn’t business related, Mr. Rogers.”

“Please, call me Steve.”

“Yes, Steve,” she replied. “I thought you might want to know where Bucky Barnes is heading for an after work drink.”

“Oh, well if he wants me to join him, I’m sure he’ll call me and give me the place.” He pulled his phone away from his head to look at the screen, silently hoping there would be another incoming call.

“No, Steve, I don’t believe he will. I have worked with Sergeant Barnes for two years, and I know when he is vacillating. This is one of those times. He needs a nudge in the right direction.”

“I don’t know if that’s really-”

“Trust me Mr. Rogers, he would not call you of his own accord.”

This felt wrong to Steve, a violation of his old friend’s privacy. “I mean, if he doesn’t want to call me, he doesn’t have to. I’m not going to force him if he doesn’t want to.”

“No, he wants to. Of that I am sure.”

“What’s your aim here?” Steve asked, his tone changing as his suspicion rose. He didn’t want to insult the young woman, but he was starting to wonder why she was so invested in telling him where Bucky was going to be.

“I don’t mean any harm. I only wish to see my friend Bucky happy, and I know he’ll talk himself out of calling you if left to his own devices.”

Steve sighed as he took in her words. He wanted to believe that Bucky was more confident than that, but the last time he’d been in contact with his friend, he’d had the same impression. “Tell me.”

She gave him the name and address of the bar where Bucky was heading.

“Are you sure he’s gonna be there? Maybe he’s just going home?”

“He’ll be there. Our coworker Peter is going with him to make sure.”

“Is everyone at WT in on this?”

He could practically hear her smile on the other end of the line. “Just get there, Mr. Rogers. As soon as you can.”

~/~

Seeing Steve earlier in the day brought back a flood of memories for Bucky. Steve had been his best friend for his entire childhood, all the way through to the summer before their junior year of high school. He and Steve did everything together. They grew up alongside one another and had been closer in many ways than Bucky was to his own flesh-and-blood sibling.

But Steve was more than just a brother. He’d been Bucky’s first love. At the same time that he was just starting to realize his sexuality, he simultaneously realized that he was head-over-heels for Steven Grant Rogers.

When they were younger, Steve had been overlooked by nearly everyone. He was the smallest kid in class and had a slew of health problems that were the likely culprit for his stunted growth. Most prominent was his asthma, followed closely by a spinal curvature that led to him wearing a back brace for a few years. He had poor eyesight with color blindedness, which he wore thick glasses to help correct. And he had a weak immune system that caused him to get sick, and therefore miss school, all the time.

None of the other kids wanted to play with Steve. They were irritated with his inability to keep up when they ran. Or how he would break into a coughing fit in the middle of a dare, freaking everyone out with the fear that one of their cohorts might actually die from one of their stupid stunts.

Bucky was the opposite of Steve. Rambunctious and outgoing, he’d been friends with nearly everyone. He always had kids asking him to play. But Bucky only ever wanted to hang out with Steve.

He couldn’t remember the exact moment he’d first felt drawn to Steve. Bucky had known the other boy since the first grade, but they weren’t in the same class until the third grade. Because they lived in the same building, Bucky would often bring homework for Steve to do when he was out sick. At first, Steve’s mom had just expected Bucky to leave the work and run off, as other children must have done, but Bucky was precocious little fuck.

“How’s Stevie doin’ Mrs. Rogers?”

“Oh,” she’d replied, genuinely surprised at his question. “He’s getting better. He’s in his room, but he’s up and reading.”

“Can I go say hi to him?”

“Sure. Let me just poke my head in and let him know you’re here.”

Steve had seemed just as surprised at Bucky’s appearance as his mother, but welcomed the company.

“Whatcha readin’?” Bucky asked, pointing to the comic book in Steve’s lap.

“Oh, um… X-Men.”

“Killer! I like X-Men too! Who’s your favorite? I like Wolverine.”

Steve smiled at Bucky then, a real, genuine smile, and launched into a diatribe about how his favorite was Professor Xavier because even though he was in a wheelchair, he was one of the most powerful of the X-Men, but he still used his power for good, taking in young mutants and helping to guide them.

From that day forward, Steve and Bucky spent almost every afternoon together, talking about comics, movies (they once had a very heated debate about which trilogy had the superior Harrison Ford performance: Star Wars or Indiana Jones), and, when they were older, girls.

One afternoon, when they were 12 and sitting in Steve’s room, the blond turned to his friend and very innocently asked “You ever kissed a girl, Buck?”

“Yep,” Bucky replied nonchalantly, only half listening while he flipped through a comic book.

“What?! No way! When did this happen? Why didn’t you tell me?”

Bucky looked up at his friend and cringed. “It’s not my proudest moment.”

“When was it?”

“At Sharon Carter’s last birthday party. She wanted to play ‘spin-the-bottle.’”

Steve got a dreamy look at the mention of Sharon’s name. It was hardly a secret that he had a thing for the girl. She was kind to Steve, but had no inclination toward him. Steve had actually been invited to that party, but hadn’t been able to go because he was recovering from a wicked bout of bronchitis.

He looked back to Bucky with a goofy smile. “Who’d you kiss?”

Bucky’s face went red at that.

“Who was it?”

Bucky bit his lip for a moment, deliberating what to say, before finally deciding on the truth. He never usually kept secrets from Steve, and this one had been eating him alive. “I kissed Sharon.” He watched in horror as his friend’s face fell. “I’m sorry man!” Bucky continued. “I know you like her, and I didn’t want to, but the bottle landed on me when she spun it, and it was her birthday party, and I didn’t want to reject her in front of everyone.” He huffed a breath as he paused.

Steve, being Steve, gave him a gentle smile. “It’s okay, I get it.” His smile broadened into a grin. “How was it?”

“Kind of embarrassing,” Bucky admitted with a groan. “We went into a closet, and I was so nervous that I just barely gave her a peck. I couldn’t touch her because my hands were so sweaty. I didn’t want to gross her out.”

“Well maybe there’s hope for me yet.”

“As long as you can kiss better than I did.”

“Doubtful,” Steve snorted. “At least you’ve kissed someone once. I’ve never kissed anyone.”

Bucky got a wild idea then, and didn’t have the good sense to censor himself before blurting it out. “Wanna practice on me?”

“What?” Steve’s face was a mixture of shock and confusion.

“I mean, we’re buds, right? Let’s just practice with each other. Make us more ready when the next time comes.”

“Um… okay.”

Although his first kiss was technically with Sharon, Bucky always considered his kiss with Steve to be his first true kiss. It ignited feelings in him that he didn’t quite understand. He had a hard time looking at Steve the same, once he knew how soft the other boy’s lips were.

Steve eventually did get to kiss Sharon. Despite her initial reluctance, she decided to give Steve a chance and they even went steady for a few weeks in the eighth grade. But beyond that, Steve never had much luck with girls.

He remained smaller than all the other guys in their class, and ended up being the target of more than a few bullies. But Steve was scrappy. Although he was small, he could take a hit, and refused to run or stand down when confronted. Bucky always teetered on the fine line between when to let Steve stand up for himself and when to intervene to make sure Steve didn’t get seriously injured.

Bucky continued to hang out with Steve, even as he was taunted for it by the more popular kids in high school. He didn’t really care what anyone else said. Steve was his best friend.

One night during freshman year, when they were talking on the phone, Steve was whining to Bucky about how he would never have a shot with another girl in his life.

“You’re great, Stevie,” Bucky’d said, more than a little annoyed with the situation. “The right girl will come along eventually. She’ll see all the good in you and not worry about the other stuff.”

“I wish I could find a girl just like you, Bucky.”

That caused a lump to stick in Bucky’s throat. He’d decided to never tell Steve how he felt, knowing that Steve didn’t reciprocate his feelings. Bucky was terrified of destroying their friendship. He swallowed thickly before replying. “You do?”

“Yeah. You’re my best friend, Buck, and you always see the best in me. I’m so glad I have you.”

“I’m glad to have you too,” Bucky choked out in response. He’d almost decided to confess his feelings then, but Steve sighed and changed the subject before he had a chance.

“What about you, huh? I heard Lori’s got a thing for ya’.”

“Well, um… I think I might be gay,” Bucky replied, in lieu of confessing. He had been deliberating for some time on how to share this with Steve. He knew Steve, and knew his friend would never reject him, but, nevertheless, he braced himself for a bad response.

“Oh yeah?” Steve simply replied, and Bucky was immensely relieved to hear the smile in his friend’s voice.

“Yeah,” he sighed in relief.

“Okay man, cool. You got your eye on anyone, or just been thinking this for a bit?”

“Just been thinkin’ it,” Bucky admitted, not quite ready to tell Steve that he only had eyes for his best friend.

That had been the extent of Bucky’s coming out for another year, before he finally confessed to his parents and friends. He ended up going on a couple dates, had a few kisses, but never dated anyone seriously until after Steve moved.

The summer before their junior year, just after Steve turned sixteen, a bomb dropped in his world. His father, who had left his mother heartbroken when he was just a baby, suddenly died. Steve was shocked to learn that his dad had left him a house and a sizable amount of money. The house was in Indiana, and he was contacted by the grandfather he never knew he had to come out for a visit.

That summer ended up being a turning point for Steve. He got into a medical trial that ended up helping him overcome several of his physical ailments. Sarah went out several times to visit her son, and ended up really liking the area. When the summer ended, Steve’s grandpa asked if they would consider moving there. The house was nice, and Sarah would be able to make more money as a nurse if she wasn’t paying rent. And Steve wanted to get to know his family. His only concern was leaving Bucky.

“Come on, man,” Bucky’d assured him. “We got lots of ways to stay in touch. You ain’t getting rid of me.”

So Steve had gone, and although he never said anything, Bucky’s heart broke that day.

At first, they’d stayed in touch much the same way they had during the summer, through email, phone calls, and instant messaging, but, as the school year progressed, they began to drift apart. Steve had new friends. Since he wasn’t sick all the time and missing out on everything, he had an easier time meeting people. It was a fresh start for Steve, and Bucky didn’t want to keep his friend from his new social circle.

So, instead, Bucky dealt with his heartbreak in self-destructive ways: drinking heavily, experimenting with drugs, and losing his virginity to a random encounter at a party. He had lots of sex during his last two years of high school, with boys and girls. The further Bucky fell down the rabbit hole, the less he would talk to Steve. In the end, he screwed his grades up so bad that he barely graduated and didn’t have any college offers or scholarships to speak of. Directionless, he’d opted to enlist in the Army.

Enlistment had been the final thing to sever his connection to Steve. They had separate lives, and Bucky just assumed there was no chance he’d ever run into the other man again.

~/~

Bucky sat in the bar, trying not to lose his shit on Peter. He really did like the younger man, but he could be a bit over eager at times, like a puppy. Today seemed to be one of those days.

Peter got up to head to the bathroom, and Bucky decided to approach the bartender and order something harder than the beer he’d been nursing. As he stood there, waiting for his drink, he heard a surly voice speak from behind him.

“Barnes.”

“Jones,” he replied, turning to face the newcomer. Bucky liked Jessica Jones, even if she was an acquired taste. She was a PI that he’d met in this very bar, when she’d caught him on a date with a cheating husband. Jessica didn’t want to blow her cover, but after she had the pictures, she pulled Bucky aside and clued him in. Bucky had no idea his date was married, and thanked God that he hadn’t slept with the man.

“What are you doing here?” Jessica asked, the hint of a smile playing across her face. “I haven’t seen you in a while.”

“Yeah, I haven’t been going out much. It’s cheaper to drink at home and don’t have to wear pants.”

“Can’t argue with that logic.”

Bucky considered her for a moment. Her dark hair hung down past her shoulders, and she was dressed in her usual armor of a t-shirt, jeans, boots, and a leather jacket. But something was different. It could have been a trick of the light, but she seemed to have taken a little more care with her makeup. Her brown eyes looked bigger than usual thanks to her artful eyeliner. And she wore a dark lipstick that set off her creamy skin beautifully. “Something’s changed about you, Jones. What’s going on?”

She schooled her features and gave him a stern look before breaking out into a full-on grin. Bucky couldn’t stop his small gasp when she smiled. She was truly beautiful, but her usually sour disposition tended to put people off.

“Okay, who are you and what have you done with my friend Jessica?”

“Shut up,” she replied, shoving his shoulder. “I’m on a date.” She nodded her head to the table behind her, where a gorgeous man with tan skin, jet black hair, and a neatly trimmed beard sat, watching them with interest.

“Damn girl,” Bucky replied, looping her arm with his own. “Does he swing both ways? Cause if so, send him my way when you’re done with him.”

“Oh fuck off, Barnes,” she laughed, freeing her arm.

Bucky relaxed for the first time all day, forgetting his nerves about Steve in his excitement for his friend. “You look good, Jess. Happy.”

“Thanks.” She glanced at something just over Bucky’s shoulder. “Well, I just wanted to come say hi since I haven’t seen you in a while. I’m gonna go back to my date and let you get back to yours.”

“Oh, no, I’m not on a date, just here with Pete from work.”

“Yeah?” She leaned in close and whispered as quietly as she could in the din of the bar. “Then who’s the blond beefcake two stools down who keeps staring at you?”

Bucky turned his head suddenly to see Steve sitting there, wearing a smirk and looking positively delicious. He’d removed his jacket and unbuttoned the top three buttons of his shirt, exposing the hollow of his throat. Bucky bit back the sudden urge to trace the other man’s adam’s apple with his tongue. “Oh my God… that’s Steve. I didn’t call him. How’d he know I was here?”

“That’s Steve?” Jessica asked, and Bucky automatically hissed at her to keep her voice down. He had shared the story with her one night over drinks, and she knew all about the torch he carried. “Well, Mazel Tov and all that,” she said with a wink. “Let’s get coffee sometime and you can tell me how good he fucks. And um…” she leaned to the left slightly, presumedly to check Steve out, “maybe we could arrange a trade.”

“Fuck you Jones.”

Jessica had already turned away when she called over her shoulder “We tried that, remember?”

Despite his annoyance, Bucky managed one last smile while he flipped her the bird, before gathering his courage to turn around and face Steve.

~/~

Steve watched Bucky with interest as he turned away from the stunning brunette he’d been talking to. He couldn’t help but feel a little jealous of the ease between them. It was obvious they weren’t lovers, but they were friends, and Steve missed having Bucky as his friend.

Bucky downed the shot he’d ordered and left the glass on the bar as he sauntered over to Steve. That was really the only way Steve could describe his walk. He didn’t seem as confident as the Bucky Barnes of their childhood, but he sure as hell knew how to fake it.

“Either you’re stalking me or Peter slipped something in my beer and I blacked out, because I don’t remember calling you.” Steve felt his cheeks warm as Bucky spoke. He took a minute to process the words, realizing they were harsher than the tone Bucky used to convey them.

“Um, right… well, Shuri called me and let me know you’d be here, so I thought I’d stop by after work and see if you’d be up for that drink.” He hadn’t looked Bucky in the eyes yet. “I can go, if it’s making you uncomfortable.” He moved to grab his wallet and pay for his beer.

“No, Steve, wait,” Bucky said, with a chuckle. “I was fuckin’ with you. Don’t go. I’m glad you’re here.”

“Yeah?” Steve’s lips spread wide in a grin and he finally looked up to meet Bucky’s gaze. What he saw there was heart-stopping. Bucky always had the most beautiful eyes, their color a cool gray-blue that changed from icy to steel depending on his mood. Right now they were brilliant, even in the dim light of the bar. And they were complimented by an amazing smile.

“Yeah,” Bucky replied, not breaking eye contact.

They stood there for a few seconds, just drinking one another in, before the spell was broken by the approach of Bucky’s coworker.

“Hey Buck-” Peter began.

“Shit! Pete! I’m sorry man,” Bucky replied before Peter could finish his sentence. “I abandoned you. I just ran into a couple people, and-”

“Yeah, man, no problem,” Peter replied. “I was actually gonna say I gotta split. My buddy Ned called and he needs me to come over.” Bucky raised his eyebrows at that, but before he could say anything, Peter sputtered on. “I mean… not ‘needs me’ like that, needs me. Ned’s just a friend. I mean… not that I have any problem with dudes, but Ned’s got a girlfriend and I’m kind of into this girl we went to high school together, and-”

Bucky interrupted the younger man’s diatribe. “Pete, it’s okay. You didn’t say anything to offend me.”

“Phew, that’s a relief,” Peter said, literally wiping his hand across his brow as he said the word ‘phew.’ Steve’s nerdy heart went out to the younger man. He could definitely remember being just as awkward in his own youth.

Peter swiftly made his exit, and Bucky ordered a fresh beer, abandoning the one he’d had at the table he was sitting at with Peter. He settled onto the stool next to Steve.

“So, bigwig legal guy at Stark Inc. at 28, huh? How’d you manage that?

Steve blushed again and looked down at the bar top. “I met Tony in college, and he took over his Dad’s company just as I was finishing law school. He contacted me and asked me to interview for a job on their legal team. I wasn’t about to turn down an opportunity like that. After I got the job, Tony told me he needed to clean house and that he wanted someone with his ear to the ground in legal. I helped him catch some bad actors, and when their positions were vacated, Tony asked if I wanted to take one.”

“Damn, that’s quite the story.”

“Yeah, it’s kind of unbelievable, right? Little guy from Brooklyn like me ending up here.”

“Yeah…” Bucky trailed off as he took a swig of his beer. “I always believed that little guy would go places.”

“That means a lot coming from you, Buck.” Steve looked over at the other man, his eyes soft.

“I never stopped believing in you, Stevie,” he replied, his voice soft.

“So…” Steve said after a pause. “What about you? How’d you’d end up at WT?”

“I met Okoye, the head of their HR, at a VA job fair.”

“Yeah? I remembered you enlisted after graduation. How long did you serve?”

“Six years, three tours. I was planning to retire, but I got injured on my last tour and was medically discharged.”

“Shit… What happened?”

“IED. Not a very big one, but enough to do some serious damage to my left arm. I was a sniper, and I couldn’t keep doing that job if I couldn’t hold the gun steady.”

“Oh damn… I’m sorry to hear that man.”

Bucky looked at Steve for a second, his eyes watering and his upper lip quivering. Steve felt his heart speed up at the thought of his friend’s pain. He started to stand up to give the other man a hug when Bucky’s face broke into a huge grin.

“You always were so gullible Stevie.”

“You jerk!” Steve replied with a laugh as he settled back on his stool.

Bucky pretended to look hurt. “What? Me? I’m not the one laughing at a wounded veteran, ya’ punk!”

“Yeah. yeah, asshole.” Steve tilted his beer to take a swig, his eyes never leaving Bucky’s. When he placed the bottle back down on the bartop, his smile faded a little, becoming wistful. “I’ve missed you, Buck. What happened to us?”

“I’m an asshole who doesn’t deserve nice things, that’s what,” Bucky said, suddenly looking anywhere but at Steve.

~/~

“What the hell does that mean?” Steve asked, and Bucky felt his heart constrict a little more. Sweet Stevie, always caring so much about everyone else.

“Look… it was a long time ago. Let’s forget I said anything. Tell me more about you.”

“No, Buck. I don’t want to forget it. What did you mean? If anything, I’m the asshole in the situation since I left.”

“No, Steve, no.” Bucky suddenly felt panicked at the thought that Steve would ever blame himself. Without thinking, he grabbed Steve’s hand in his own. “You could never be an asshole. You have always been the kindest, most selfless person I know. You going to Indiana was a good thing, wasn’t it? Without that, you might never have gotten healthy, and I doubt you could have afforded law school if you and your mom stayed in Brooklyn.”

“Then why? Why did we lose touch? We were always so close. Even when I had nothing, I had you.”

Bucky cringed. Even after all these years, it physically pained him to keep anything from Steve. “It was all my fault. I became a mess those last two years of high school. I was a drugged out loser. I barely graduated. You didn’t need someone like me dragging you down.”

Steve’s face softened and he squeezed Bucky’s hand with his own. “You would never have dragged me down. I’m sorry I couldn’t be there to help you. It sounds like you were really hurting back then.”

“I was trying to find something.”

“What was that?”

Bucky looked up at Steve then, his eyes a bright cornflower blue, expressing his earnestness. “You,” Bucky replied, unable to tear his gaze away. “I was trying to find you.”

“You knew where I was, Bucky. If you needed me, I would have come back in a heartbeat.”

“I didn’t want to tear you away from your new life. You finally had everything you ever wanted. How selfish would it have been if I’d asked you to come back because I was working through a little bit of depression?”

“But, other than my ma, no one has ever been more important to me that you. I would have done anything to help you.”

“Naw… you had a new life. I remember those pictures on Facebook. You had that cute little girlfriend. The blonde one, kinda looked like Sharon. What was her name?”

“Kate,” Steve said with a small grin. “I think the main reason I first talked to her was because she reminded me of Sharon.” Bucky made to pull his hand free, but Steve kept his grip strong. “But what did you mean when you said you were trying to find me?”

“I…” Bucky sighed deeply and looked at the floor. “I wanted to find someone to take your place in my life. So I wouldn’t feel so empty.”

“Did it work?”

“No. Every person I hooked up with just made me feel more alone, but I kept trying. I must have slept my way through half of the teenage population of Brooklyn, but no one could hold a candle to you.”

Steve suddenly got very still. “What do you mean, Bucky? We never hooked up.”

Shit , Bucky thought, there goes my big fuckin’ mouth gettin’ me in trouble again. He looked up to meet Steve’s eyes once more, his mouth gaping like a fish out of water..

“Bucky… did you… did you want to be with me?”

“I… uh…” fuckfuckfuck “Um… I mean…” He felt his face flushing crimson red. “Shit. I never meant to tell you that Stevie. I’m sorry. Fuck… Let me just.” He grabbed his wallet out of his pocket and threw down whatever cash he had on hand, praying it was enough to cover his drinks. He’d just humiliated himself in front of Steve. The last thing he needed was to also stick him with the bill.

Steve stared open-mouthed as Bucky turned and walked as fast as he could out of the bar, heading for the parking lot. He was unlocking his car door when he heard Steve calling out his name.

“I’m sorry Stevie. Please… let me go home and hide for a while. I can’t deal with this right now.” He realized he was babbling, but it was like a dam broke and he couldn’t stop. “We were just reconnecting and then I went and fucked it up. Damnit… I am so sorry Steve. Please can we just forget I said anything? It was a long time ago and-”

He was cut off abruptly when Steve surged forward and captured Bucky’s mouth with his own. Bucky was shocked momentarily before his reflexes kicked in and he kissed back, Steve’s lips just as soft as he remembered them. He moaned softly as Steve’s hand grazed up his neck and over his jawline. The kiss seemed to drag on forever, a heavenly meeting of plush lips and velvety tongues and light nips of teeth. Bucky felt himself swoon a little inside.

When they finally broke apart, their chests panting, Steve brought his other hand up to cup Bucky’s cheeks. “You still talk too fuckin’ much,” he growled, and Bucky laughed before leaning back in for another kiss.

“I didn’t think you liked guys,” Bucky said in awe when they separated once more.

“Bucky… I have been gone for you from the moment you kissed me when we were kids. I was just so afraid to tell you then and lose you as a friend.”

“You punk… we could have had so much more time together if you’d have just said something!” Bucky chuckled as he pulled Steve’s body closer to his own.

“If I’d have said something? You’re the chatterbox you jerk! You should have told me how you felt.”

“I didn’t want to lose your friendship either.”

“Shit… we gotta get better at communicating with each other if we’re gonna make things work this time around.”

“Why don’t we start practicing on Friday? Will you go out on a date with me, Stevie?”

“Yes,” Steve whispered before closing in on Bucky for another mind-blowing kiss.

~/~

The next morning, when Bucky walked into work, Shuri was standing in the middle of their shared workspace wearing a self-satisfied smirk. “Did you have a good night, Bucky?”

Bucky tried to look offended, he really did, but he’d spent the night having pleasant dreams of kissing Steve at an outside table of a restaurant by the waterside. He smiled at his coworker. “I did.” He shrugged off his backpack and sat at his computer.

“How is Steve?” She asked as she followed him. “Will you be seeing him again?”

“You really don’t do subtle, do you?”

“I don’t have time for such things. Do you have a date or not?”

“Yes,” he replied, unable to hide his grin.

Shuri squealed with delight and danced in place. “Bucky’s gonna get nasty!”

“Just don’t send him any dick pics,” Peter mumbled from the other side of the cube wall.

Bucky blushed in response and Shuri cackled. “It’s too late for that, Peter!” she called back. “Did he send you one back?”

“I’m not saying anything about that, Shuri.”

She chuckled and took her seat at her desk. “As a sign of your gratitude, I fully expect your first daughter to be named after me.”

“Well, I was planning to do that anyway,” Bucky said with a grin.

“Damn right you were.”

Bucky looked up at his monitor and began to peruse his email. A minute later a notification popped up on his phone with a text from Steve.

Can’t wait for tomorrow night.

Bucky was unable to hide his grin as he picked up his phone to send a response.

If you enjoyed this, I’d really love a like, reblog, or comment (or all three!). Thanks for reading!

#stucky #stucky fanfiction #stucky fanfic #Bucky Barnes #Steve Rogers #shuri #Shuri is awesome #Jessica Jones #Bumbling Peter Parker #Women of Marvel ship Stucky #branwrites

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schmergo · 7 years

Text

I went to the Museum of the Bible

Okay, buckle in, because this is gonna be kind of a lengthy post. My mom got free tickets to the highly controversial new Museum of the Bible in DC and I, with heavy misgivings, decided to come along and see what was up. I have to say, I thought it was a lot better than I expected, though I am still suspicious and cynical of several aspects of the place. So here is my detailed review! Here's what you need to know about the museum first: 1. It was founded and funded by Steve Green, the President of Hobby Lobby, aka the company that went to the Supreme Court because they didn't want to cover employees' birth control, saying it went against their religious beliefs. 2. He was also fined $3 million for smuggling artifacts from Iraq (which did not appear in the museum's collection). 3. The museum is technically non-sectarian (though with a Protestant bias), and does not address hot-button issues like evolution/creationism, abortion, LGBTQ+ rights, or how the Bible "should" be interpreted. Its galleries include tellings of the stories from the Bible, the history of the compilation and transmission/translation of the Bible, and the impact of the Bible on history and culture. It always hints at a Christian interpretation but does not outright evangelize. Some people may find this claimed non-political and nonsectarian interpretation more insidious than an outright Christian oriented museum. 4. The museum is free, but with a suggested donation. I would personally not suggest donating anything if you're interested in checking it out so as not to put money in the Hobby Lobby Guy's pockets, but that's just me. Now, I have to address my own personal biases. I am a Protestant Christian (United Methodist, to be specific), but I'm also strongly opposed to what constitutes contemporary "American Christian culture." I'm a believer not only in God but in human rights, evidence-based science/evolution, separation of church and state, charity, equality, and empathy. To me, these values are compatible with studying Jesus' teachings, and I'm deeply critical of people who use Christianity to justify selfish and narrowminded decisions. I also am an elementary-age Sunday school teacher who likes to emphasize the importance of Biblical literacy in self-professed Christians, which this museum champions (you'd be amazed how many Christians aren't actually familiar with the Bible), and in studying not only the stories, but the themes and lessons behind them (which this museum does not do. It allows guests the freedom to interpret the material according to their own beliefs- again, some might like this and some might dislike it). This museum is huge. We were there for about five hours and still didn't see everything. It was also absolutely PACKED with guests. The line to get in snaked down the block, and there were some long lines to get into the "hottest ticket" exhibits. We started off our day in the most popular, multi-media exhibit, The Hebrew Bible, which is a mix of videos and walk-through visuals with exciting lighting, animation, and voiceover, telling the narrative of major Old Testament stories. This exhibit is a pure storytelling "experience" and does not display any artifacts or purport to be a factual account, which I actually love because it is not claiming that all of these accounts are literally true or trying to show historical evidence. It's a little cheesy but less cheesy than you might expect- it feels like an elegant Disney World attraction but with a more artistic and slightly more abstract style. I especially liked the burning bush (the voice of God was represented as multiple voices in unison, at least one of them female), the white room full of rainbow light after the ark, the Red Sea made of string and projected waves, or the watercolor style of art of the Judges/Samuel movie. This experience is as non-controversial as possible, though the one issue is that it portrays the entire Old Testament as a consistent story about how God's people moved closer to and farther from God throughout history, fluctuating in loyalty, which I've heard is contrary to how the Tanakh is generally interpreted. This also implies that the New Testament completes "the story," which shows a Christian bias. The next exhibit was a recreation of the village of Nazareth, which WAS cheesy and Disneyesque, but fun. It felt like the museum at Jamestown Settlement, where you can walk in the little houses and see how people lived in another time. There were living interpreters there, and I liked that the people who played the villagers were racially diverse. There was a mikvah, an olive press, a temple, and typical Jewish homes. Less diverse was the short movie about John the Baptist and King Herod, who were both played by white actors- in fact, Herod was John Rhys-Davies (aka Gimli) in all his bellowing rolled-r scenery-chewing glory. He seemed to be having a grand old time. The New Testament movie was poignant but a slightly more cartoonish style of animation than the Old Testament films. Its art style reminded me of the illustrations on Pottermore. There are a lot of contradictory versions of stories in the Gospels, which was not acknowledged in this movie, but they kind of found a way around this by having the movie told from the perspectives of different people who encountered Jesus in first person (John, Saul/Paul, Mary Magdalene, Thomas, a centurion at the crucifixion, etc), showing them as varying accounts rather than one narrative. I know about the differences between the Gospels, but not everyone does, and this could be interpreted as an oversimplification. One thing I loved about this movie was that they never showed Jesus' face. They allow the audience to imagine him as they see fit. My family got lunch after this. There's a big restaurant called Manna on the top floor that serves middle-Eastern inspired foods and it was quite good. (There are vegetarian, vegan, and kosher options.) I had a platter with falafel, salad, and pickled vegetables, as well as some mango juice. This place gets CROWDED and there are long lines, but you can't re-enter the museum once you've exited unless you get back in the big queue around the block, so you can really only eat here or at the coffee shop downstairs. There's also a biblical garden and observation deck up there. Next, we went to the floor that talks about the history of the Bible, and this is where things get complex. I am less knowledgeable about this stuff than the actual text of the Bible itself, so I can't tell you what was of questionable accuracy here and what was legit, but this floor was definitely poised as being more serious and academic, while the one above it was more about narrative and entertainment-- so obviously, I was side-eying it more. This exhibit is definitely slanted toward the concept that the Bible has been transmitted and translated throughout time with remarkable accuracy, but also explores the differences, inaccuracies, and variations between different Bibles. It starts with a collection of ancient tablets and documents. I have read that some of these have questionable provenance and authenticity, especially fragments of the Dead Sea scrolls. Some of the signage alludes to these questions, some does not. Many items are on loan from other institutions, while others are replicas and facsimiles of items in museums like The British Museum (always labeled as such). The articles of the museum I've read are very severe about questions of authenticity/provenance, partially because of the Hobby Lobby scandal, but also because this is such a new museum. Museum practices have changed over time, and many of the artifacts at the British Museum and the Met are unethically acquired, too. Bear that in mind when visiting any museum (I could rant to you about the Parthenon marbles!) Still, a new and expensive museum like this one should be more careful. The most interesting ancient items in this exhibit were accounts from non-Jewish ancient cultures that told a different version of events than the Bible-- a king claiming to have killed a Hebrew King and thanking his own gods for the victory, while the Bible says that God punished that Hebrew King for not being devoted to him. It was cool to see two sides of the same story. But what I REALLY loved here was the collection of Bibles from the Middle Ages and Renaissance, because I love old books. Like, I took a class at the Folger Shakespeare Library about this stuff. There was a Gutenberg Bible, some absolutely gorgeous illuminated manuscripts (including one belonging to Henry V's great-grandmother and in immaculate condition), Tyndale Bibles, one of the very first edition of the full Bible in English... It was sobering to see that Henry VIII commissioned churches to display Bibles in English two years after Tyndale was executed abroad for translating the Bible into English. My favorite thing in the entire museum was a "Wicked Bible"- a reprint of the King James Bible that accidentally left out a crucial word and said, "Thou shalt commit adultery." Needless to say, most of them were destroyed, and the printers got in trouble, but this one survived. I also liked the small exhibits on which books were included in which versions of the Bible and which were left out/ considered apocrypha. The "Drive Thru History." introductory movie here is incredibly annoying and trying too hard to be cool, by the way, so feel free to skip that one if you go. It does a disservice to a serious collection of books. I also popped into the second floor exhibits before I left, but I didn't stick around for long. This has exhibits on the Bible's impact on US history and on culture in the world. The culture one honestly was so overwhelming and sprawling that it hurt my brain (especially since I had already been in the museum for 4.5 hours), but I did get a kick out of seeing Elvis Presley's Bible. This might be the most propaganda-Y part of the museum, but I didn't take much time to find out. There's also a video booth where people can share their own feelings or experiences about the Bible. The American history section was interesting and surprisingly daring, though. It talked about how the Bible was used to back up positions on different sides of issues through history- pro- and anti- slavery, women's rights, whether to be independent from England. It showed that the Bible has been used for good and bad throughout history and has some cool documents on display- a first edition copy of Uncle Tom's Cabin, Elizabeth Cady Stanton's "Women's Bible," the handwritten manuscript of the Battle Hymn of the Republic. The displays let the public vote on tricky questions like whether they agree with Thomas Jefferson's decision to cut up the Bible and keep the parts that he felt applied as advice to daily life. (73% say no.) Also, in a section about politicians making reference to their personal faiths, there is a clip of Barack Obama singing "Amazing Grace." Nice to see that this museum explicitly denies the "Obama is a secret Muslim" conspiracy. There were more exhibits that I didn't get to see, including some traveling exhibits on loan from the Vatican, an Israeli museum, and a Bavarian museum. They also have a full-stage production of the Broadway musical "Amazing Grace." I will say, I gave a hard side-eye to the large gift shop, through which visitors exit, with the "Museum of the Bible" logo branded on everything from mugs to t-shirts to sunglasses. I would have preferred a tasteful bookshop with maybe a few knick-knacks like cross necklaces and Noah's Ark toys, but I guess I'm an old party-pooper. Overall, I actually had a lot of fun at this museum and got to see some very cool and rare books, but I also was naturally more critical toward this museum's decisions than I normally would be when visiting a tourist attraction. I was happy to see a crowd diverse in age and ethnicity who were discussing the exhibits rather than just zooming through (I did see one guy in a MAGA hat, though- frankly, I thought there might be more). The employees were all really nice and helpful even though the place was outrageously crowded. Would I recommend visiting this museum? Maybe! I think I would recommend it to Christian people who are already knowledgeable about the Bible and willing to think critically about what they read and see. I think it would be a good place to bring kids (mid-elementary and up) and talk seriously about some of these topics and controversies. The kids in my Sunday school class seem to have a hard time remembering sequence of events in the Bible, thinking Moses was the same time as Jesus, calling King David a 'Christian,' etc. This might clarify some stuff. I saw a lot of little kids there, and they were having fun, but I feel like I wouldn't take kids that young there because they wouldn't be able to understand the more complex topics. I don't want to just give them candy-coated pretty stories! I probably would not recommend this museum to people who come from very different faith traditions or none at all, whatever this museum's attempts at secularity. I will say, I'm unsure what the Museum of the Bible's agenda is, because it certainly doesn't seem built to convert anybody. The more cynical part of the says it's built to spread the message that the Bible is so important to history and culture that it should be taught in schools. The less cynical part says that it's built to encourage Christians to explore and become more knowledgeable about their faiths, because we're from a time when the majority of Americans identify as Christian, but very few have read the Bible or can answer basic questions about it. I think that's dangerous, because lots of people seem to adhere more to "Christian" culture than Christian scripture, and that leads to a mindset completely divorced from what I see as Jesus' teachings. I don't personally have a problem with its location near the Mall and the Capitol, because if anything else, I see it as a sign of the separation of Church and State. The museums on and around the mall explore different cultures and fields of study, so does one-- but I hope people who visit DC for this museum also visit some of the Smithsonian museums. Learn about Natural History, African-American history, Native-American History, not just the museum about your own religious faith. Please feel free to ask me any questions about the museum!

#washington dc #museum of the bible

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perfectirishgifts · 4 years

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What Corporate Boards Can Learn From Gen Z

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What Corporate Boards Can Learn From Gen Z

Child Girl Student Shouting Through Megaphone on Grey Backdrop with Available Copy Space. Back to … [] School Concept.

Boards have woken up and begun to focus on attracting, retaining, engaging and rewarding millennials but let’s get ahead of things. The next key group that boards and companies need to think about is Gen Z.

I recently had the opportunity to read an amazing book by the world’s leading Gen Z and Millenial expert and researcher, Jason Dorsey, titled Zconomy.

Here are some insights I gained: Gen Z is anyone who is about 25 years old or younger and they already in the work force and their influencing and buying power is something that all companies need to proactively account for in their social and marketing strategies.

The reason it is especially important for boards to account for this growing demographic is that their influence and reach is far greater than expected. Gen Z is very direct when engaging with brands and has an outsized voice and influence.

A great example of Gen Z engagement and influence in the marketplace is the 2017 Twitter engagement between Wendy’s and 16-year-old Carter Wilkerson who tweeted the company and asked, “how many retweets do I need to get for a free year of chicken nuggets?”.

This tweet went viral and launched one of Wendy’s most successful ad campaigns dubbed “Nuggs for Carter”. Celebrities such as Ellen DeGeneres and companies like Google GOOG , Amazon AMZN , Apple AAPL , and Microsoft MSFT joined in on the fun and retweeted to show their supporter for Wilkerson’s quest for chicken nuggets.

The goal was to achieve 18 million retweets, but Wendy’s gave Wilkerson the year of free chicken nuggets when he achieved 3.4M retweets.

The key takeaway here is that Gen Z is very external on social media in pressuring brands to listen, engage, and have a conversation on social media. Most brands are just not geared to have “conversations” with their consumers and perhaps it’s time to look at your companies social media team and create an organization with the pre-arranged/pre-agreed guardrails of how to have these conversations and be sure that your brand has a voice that’s resonating with all. Gen Z is going to impact your brand and strategy even if they are not a customer or employee.

Gen Z is engaging in activities that boomers, Gen Xer’s and perhaps millennials are not engaging in.

For example, have you heard of e-sports? This is where teams and individuals play and compete in various video games. These virtual sporting events amass huge audiences and the prizes are often hefty cash awards which can be funded by fans who buy monthly “battle passes”.

16-year-old Kyle Giersdorf made international headlines after winning the inaugural Fortnite World Cup in New York and taking home a $3 million dollar prize.

According to market researcher NewZoo, esports revenues will surpass $1 billion in 2020 for the first time — without counting broadcasting platform revenues. Globally, the total esports audience will grow to 495.0 million people in 2020, Newzoo said.

We see startup companies having a huge success in the gaming marketplace. For example, Roblox has seen huge success as a platform that allows its users to develop or play millions of different online games. It has over 100 million active users each month and this has sprouted other revenue streams from merchandise and virtual/real life events.

Gen Z gets all their info on social media using various platforms such as snapchat and twitter, they learn how to do things using YouTube videos and more recently, they enjoy the new short form video platform that TikTok offers.

Gen Z is not a generation that places value on having cold hard cash in their wallets. In fact, many are moving away from carrying a traditional wallet and instead are relying on the virtual wallet app on their cell phone. They transact using apps such as Venmo, Cash, Zelle, and of course, Apple Pay.

Gen Z may never own a car and 9/11 is something they learned about in history class, not something that shaped their world viewpoint like the millennial generation.

The digital natives in Gen Z have never lived in a world without FaceTime… beepers and landlines are not even a distant memory for this generation. This generation does not see texting or typing on a phone as a grand novelty but rather is increasingly more comfortable speaking commands to their devices. For companies this means that voice enablement should be a key part of a digital transformation strategy.

Gen Z is going to be the fastest growing generation in the work force in two years. Here are a couple of amazing facts about how connected Gen Z is to their cell phone:

– According to Zconomy, 31% of Gen Z can’t comfortably be away from their phone for 30 minutes.

– Gen Z girls spend 10 or more hours a day on their phones.

Given all of this, perhaps it’s time to ask your marketing organization (which may be peopled by baby boomers and Gen X) to share the “social first” way the company is engaging with consumers and re-evaluate how the company tracks its effectiveness with millennials and expand the tracking to encompass a broader set of generational diversity in order to increase their readiness to engage with Gen Z.

According to the 2019 Mary Meeker Internet trends report, Images are increasingly the means by which people communicate, as technology developments like faster Wi-Fi and better phone cameras have encouraged a surge in image taking. More than 50 percent of Twitter impressions now involve posts with images, video or other media; Twitter used to be text-only.

This shift in the means by which younger generations are communicating should prompt a discussion on what is the best medium for companies to communicate with their expanding target audience base.

For large legacy companies in retail, hospitality, travel, financial services, healthcare to name a few, rethinking your go to market and keeping the strategy contemporary will be an important step to take to ensure the company’s longevity. For boards interested in learning more on generational trends and how Gen Z will impact the future of your business, I highly recommend reading Zconomy.

I think is an important question for boards to ask management to share an update on the coming year ahead. Staying contemporary and relevant is the biggest threat to traditional businesses who don’t shift early enough with how they engage with their future consumers, customers, and employees.

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couplesinstitutecounseling · 4 years

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What to do, what to avoid, and how to find opportunities in disguise

The outbreak of the coronavirus (COVID-19) has our communities facing several rapid changes. The shortage of basic goods, social distancing, and the order to shelter in place have caused intense emotional reactions and a strain on many parts of our lives. Most employees are working remotely for the foreseeable future. While others, like first responders, have to continue to go out and be of service during this time of great difficulty. Some are far away from elderly loved ones and are feeling powerless to help them. Schools are closed and young children don’t understand why, causing them to struggle emotionally and perhaps creating acting out behaviors. Only stores considered essential are open, but even then, they are low on goods. The list of changes goes on and on. There’s no doubt that many of these changes are putting pressure on all of us-professionally, personally, and relationally.

On the other hand, it can be possible to experience positives through these difficult times. I have talked to several people that are more than happy not to have a long, daily commute. I had a client express how interesting it has been to see what her husband does on a day to day basis for work; explaining that seeing how much he has to talk all day explains why when he came home, he was often not in the mood to talk to her. This was so different then how she spent her day, so she was always ready to talk. Seeing this difference helped her understand a difficult pattern in their relationship and has shifted her thinking. We could have talked about her experience insession but it was so much more powerful and meaningful for her to see it firsthand. Seeing things from a new perspective can offer potential for a deeper sense of understanding, empathy and hope.

Let’s take a moment to look deeper at some of the struggles and benefits of sheltering in place.

Struggles

Let’s start by looking at a few of the potential problem areas and ways to avoid them.

No clear divide between home and work. Getting caught up with home chores or your partner hopes that you being home means more help during the day. Partners or kids interrupting you for questions or conversations because you’re easily accessible. Or even the partner that is normally away starts micromanaging the partner that is home more. There is more time for differences to come up and create conflict; parenting, chores, meals, etc. When you’re both working from home how do you know who does what? It can also be difficult to switch roles so quickly in the course of just minutes. How you navigate these transitions are important.

I had a client share she noticed that when she talked to her partner during the day he would respond more as if she was his coworker or subordinate. Issues like this will continue to build tension in the relationship and if left undealt with will create breakdowns in communication and connection.

2. Time blur between home and work. Not stopping your work day “on time”, not disconnecting from devices leading to ignoring your partner, family or home responsibilities. It’s easy to get caught up in “work zone” mode. If you are working on a project and you find yourself in the zone it’s hard to walk away if you are not thinking of commute time and picking up kids or dinner. This is not a new problem for some couples, many I work with bring up a partner being too plugged into work as a problem. Yet, with the new requirements to work from home this could increase those issues, creating more conflict.

3. Feeling stuck. Isolation and uncertainty can lead to increased stress, agitation and restlessness. One client shared that he is seeing behaviors from his partner he had never seen before and he is struggling with ways to accept them when he is already so stressed. Other clients have shared that they don’t feel as worried about the situation but their partner is extremely worried. This may look like the more concerned partner being glued to social media and news sites getting as much information as they can and then crying or panicking about what they are learning. The less worried partner then feels concerned for their loved one and overwhelmed by not knowing how to help them. This leaves everyone feeling stressed, exhausted, and often disconnected.

4. Extra Tasks. No child care, no school, both people working from home. Having to plan for 3 meals a day for you and your family. For some people who are used to working in large companies that provide food, coffee and refreshments this may feel like a big shift. Obviously, I think even they would agree that in the scheme of things this is not huge. Yet it’s amazing how these little daily shifts can cause extra internal stress. It can be like throwing a pebble in a small pond and watching the ripples grow. Beyond that if there are kids home, they have needs, needs that in a home where both adults work are usually handled by a childcare provider or school. Now all these extra tasks, meals, school work, changing diapers, potty breaks, etc. all fall to them. This creates extra tasks for both partners and can strain even the couples who do teamwork well.

5. Sweatpants Effect. I didn’t create the phrase, I read it somewhere, but it’s the perfect description. If we’re not going into the office or seeing anyone most people will not get dressed or primped for work in the same way as when they have to leave the house. In all honesty I can admit that even when I see clients online there are times that I look “business ready” from the screen up but I have sweatpants and the unicorn slippers my kids gave me for Christmas on. What is important to look at is how this might affect not only how attractive your partner feels towards you but how you feel about yourself. If this goes on for weeks it can feed into your self-esteem and emotions.

Helpful Steps To Avoid These Potential Problems.

Boundaries. Setting boundaries can help in a number of ways.

Set up separate work spaces. Even in the smallest homes you can have separate spaces. Be flexible to use areas that you may like to keep “work” free as options right now. If you only have one table and you both need it create a partition with a box, sheet or pillows. This has nothing to do with how much you like your partner, but instead has to do with distractibility.

Headphones. If you need background noise and your partner doesn’t use headphones. As someone who struggles with focusing when there is too much background noise, like right now writing this article my husband is on the phone. I often will put my earbuds in and put calming sounds like “spa” music or nature sounds on. Nothing with words just enough to drown out the talking so I can focus.

Be clear on what work hours are and what “home” hours are. During home time disconnect from text, email and work. If you have a job that requires you to work on and off all day then set aside a chuck of time that you know you can disconnect and be fully present with your family. This will help your connection with them but it’s also really important self-care.

2. Timing. Whether it’s setting up time to spend together, alone, or specific work requirements, be clear about what you need and work together to include it in the schedule. Clients recently shared an experience of some miscommunication they had around expectations and time. They said the most important thing they learned from that is “Don’t assume your partner is on the same page. Be thoughtful and explicit about what you need and want.” Remember none of us are mind readers so if you have a request or need when it comes to timing, communicate. Whether that is communicating that you need to create some individual time, uninterrupted time for a work call, have an online outing with a friend, or if you need more fun time together that isn’t about COVID-19, sheltering in place, or daily obligations. Also look at ways that both being home gives you more opportunities for spontaneous time together.

3. Team-Work. Situations like this really push our ability to practice teamwork. Sitting down and setting up a calendar with your important work calls to make sure that someone is available during those times to manage the kids’ needs so you can focus on the call. Or if you have a late online meeting and the other person needs to be in charge of dinner that night. Divide and conquer! You can create a list of daily obligations from chores, meal prep, homeschooling, and child care. Then take time to be purposeful about what tasks each of you are taking on. The most important thing here is FOLLOW THROUGH. Right now, trusting our partners is even more important. With our world so uncertain, if your partner feels like they can’t rely on you to do what you say you’re going to do then their anxiety, agitation and stress will increase. So, if you sit down and divide up tasks, FOLLOW THROUGH, and if for some reason something gets in the way communicate to your partner what your plan is or ask for help.

4. Travel. No, this is not ignoring the announcement to shelter in place , because I’m telling you to travel in a way that you don’t even leave your seat. Travel into your partner’s experience of the current situation. As mentioned above many couples are finding that they have very different outlooks on the current state of affairs. This may feel frustrating at times, but it can also be a gift. If both parts of the couple were extremely anxious, then there would be no balance. Here is how you travel:

Set aside a specific amount of time to travel into each other’s experience and thoughts. We will use 30 minutes in the example.

Take turns. 15 minutes each. Partner A starts and Partner B listens and recaps back what Partner A shares. Partner B doesn’t give their own opinion during this time. Partner B is traveling into Partner A’s world for a tour.

Switch. After Partner A shares for 15 minutes. Partner B goes and gives a tour of their world. This is not a point by point rebuttal to what Partner A shared. It’s what Partner B would have shared if they went first.

Remember the fact that you see things differently can help bring balance to your home; this is not about proving who is right. I had a client share that listening to his more anxious partner made him take action in ways he wouldn’t have on his own, which he is now grateful for. His partner shared that at times when she is “freaking out” about something, hearing him say “It’s ok” helps decrease her worry. It’s just like traveling to the beach then going to the mountains, each place is different and each place can be appreciated on its own.

It can be helpful to end your discussion by sharing 3 things you are each grateful for

Recently, Dana Hartman, a CICS therapist shared this in an email “Anxiety is a normal and natural response to new situations, and setting aside scheduled worry time prevents an over abundant amount of anxiety from sneaking in throughout the day and getting in the way of important life tasks that need to be done as well as maintaining a mindful state.”

5. Goodwill. Defined as a friendly disposition; desire to do good to others; and kindness. Be patient with each other. There are bound to be bumps and hiccups during this process. No matter how much we try to schedule, communicate and use teamwork we are going to miss opportunities and make mistakes. Yet if you choose to believe that your partner is good and is simply struggling, like all of us, you will be more likely to see their mistakes as just that; an error in actions not a lack of love. Go slow with judgements and reactions. Use these missed opportunities to learn about each other, your needs, and how to better navigate this difficult time.

6. Disconnect. Put the screens away! Find time to stay off the news or social media and enjoy something that we all have a limited amount of; time together. Also, I would encourage everyone to stop looking at the news at least 2 hours before bed. Taking in a lot of the information that stimulates your brain and may create anxiety right before bed won’t lead to a restful night of sleep. Be thoughtful about how you spend your evening hours. The news and social media will still be there in the morning.

7. Fun and Connection. It’s so easy to get overloaded with everything going with COVID-19 and needing to shelter in place. We’re inundated with information, much of it stressful. We have to be mindful about not going so far down the rabbit hole of COVID-19 and all that accompanies it that we forget to enjoy time together, laugh and connect.

Set aside time to connect. Even on the busiest days you can find 10-15 minutes at the end of the work day to do a check in. Ask each other what is working and what isn’t? Find ways to work together against the current situation.

Don’t just talk about COVID-19. Talk about some nice things around being at home together.

Examples from clients.

“We’re happy to not have to get up as early, which also means we can stay up a bit later after the baby is down and enjoy a glass of wine and show together.”

“We’ve had more time to be intimate”

Many said they were able to get some home projects done that they’ve been putting off.

Others report they have more time to spend alone which is helping them feel less tense with their partner.

Take a moment to note what positive impacts you’ve experienced?

More Potential Benefits and Opportunities

Decreased stress from not commuting and an increased time to focus on tasks and home life.

Being able to take breaks and spend spontaneous time together. Lunch breaks, day sex, staying up later.

Opportunity to get to know your partner in a different way by learning more about what they do during their day.

Gain more insight into the patterns that exist in your relationship and find ways to depersonalize them. For example: Do you remember the story above about my client who learned how much her partner had to talk during the day for work? Well, in the past she would feel let down and hurt when he would come home and not want to talk. It’s easy in that moment for her to internalize that as meaning something about their relationship or his feelings for her. Yet, now that she has had this realization it will be easier to remember that when he ends his work day and doesn’t feel like talking that is about him feeling overwhelmed. She no longer has to make it about her and so they can talk about ways to work together and give him space to recharge and her space to connect.

On a personal note, as hard as this is, I’m also filled with hope seeing the strength individuals, couples and communities are showing. We are facing uncertain times, but one certainty we have is that we have choices; choices in how we act, react, spend our time, and treat those around us. We can come out stronger than when we went into this crisis.

If you want creative ways to stay connected and make some memories while sheltering in place check out this article, Ways for Couples to Connect during Sheltering in Place.

Also, there are ways to get support during these times. You don’t have to figure this out alone, because you aren’t alone. Many therapists, including the therapists at CICS, are still available via telehealth. If you want to learn more about online sessions or for a free 20 minute consultation click here!

#COVID-19 #relationship therapy

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dropintomanga · 7 years

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Post Anime NYC – On Women and Their Impact on My Life

2017 is a year I will always remember with regards to anime conventions. The Bay Area finally received an anime convention in Crunchyroll Expo, that looks to spearhead the next generation of anime fans. And finally after 7 long years, New York has a new place to call home for many anime fans in the form of Anime NYC. After going through 3 days of non-stop walking, talking, & hanging out, I had a blast being around friends (old and new). But it was also one of the most emotionally exhaustive experiences in my life. It brings me back 6 years ago when a certain someone came into my life and how my blogging life suddenly became quite a journey that went beyond blogging.

Around late summer 2011, I tweeted at a random Twitter user who loved Tiger & Bunny. She happened to be a Japanese woman who lived in New York. We actually chatted online for a bit. One day, we decided to meet up in person. A date was scheduled and it was after her trip to Comiket, as she liked to draw doujinshi. Before the meetup, she said she would get me Gintama merchandise from Japan for me. I said "Sure." We met for lunch at Kinokuniya NYC and we hit it off right away. The two of us fangirled/fanboyed over anime/manga series that had huge homoerotic undertones. I even introduced her to a few of my friends. All of this was really unexpected and I felt lucky. We then started going to NYCC and other conventions together and grew closer as the years went on. We always texted each other every day. I never thought I would have a close friend/companion that listened to me a lot during that time and vice versa.

That big old post I made about the power of fujoshi back in 2012. That was largely inspired by her.

Around 2015, things changed slowly. I think I was starting to have feelings for her, but I was so confused over what to do. We were at Otakon that year and things felt off. She then said she felt guilty for bringing me with her because I looked depressed out in Baltimore like I didn't want to be there. She also said she wanted to do separate hotel rooms if Otakon 2016 was a possibility as we always shared a room together. I was confused and told her that I was happy to be at Otakon with her. Later around October 2015, I was physically harassed by a male employee because I made his job more complicated than it needed to be. He pushed me aside, thought I was trying to make his life miserable, and threatened to watch over me. I reported the incident to my supervisor and the president. They didn't punish him since no one saw what happened. I quit about a week later because I didn't feel safe there.

My relationship with my friend slowly deteriorated. She said she wanted a time out early summer. I said sure and that she can talk if anything. She said that it wasn't what I was thinking. Around that time, I was unemployed. I mostly did a volunteer gig, helping out NAMI. I slowly began to think that she wanted me to die because I was an annoyance in her life. One night, I had enough and wanted to kill myself. I put up a tweet saying that I had enough. I couldn't take it anymore, yet I didn't do anything. A fellow fan on Twitter actually called the cops for me and they came over to my house after midnight. I felt so stupid afterwards. I actually told my friend what I tried to do and she told me that she felt that she was in the way of me developing new relationships with other people. She didn't want me to like her romantically. I called her on the phone to talk and we made up. I thought we were good again.

She wanted a time out a couple of months later. I agreed. Then the big U.S. Presidential election came and I wanted to talk. She said to not talk to her unless I wanted her to say something harsh. I then made the big mistake of contacting her with a large email about a whole bunch of things and she replied back saying that she wasn't my mom and that I was a crybaby who blames everything and needs to grow up. She did tell me to take care of myself more. I wanted to say more, but she didn't want any of it. I left it as is. However, I was so angry that she called me a crybaby. I never asked to be that way because of my mental illness. I didn't know how to process her not being in my life and I made another mistake in continuing to bother her around early January. She then blocked me.

Around that time, I bought a Humble Bundle PC game set that included the game VA-11 Hall-A. For anyone who's played the game, you know it's a bartender-simulation game. Behind it was a story about life and reconciliation. The story behind the main character, Jill, got to me as she broke it off with her ex-girlfriend, Lenore, years ago before her bartender job. Lenore's sister, Gabriella, came by after 3 years of no contact to let Jill know that Lenore was dead. She blamed Jill for everything. One night, Jill gets a letter from Gabriella saying that she wanted to talk in person to clear things up. Jill becomes hesistant to talk, but one of her friends said to her that the fact that Gabriella wants to talk means she's trying to give Jill a chance and that if Jill avoided her, Gabriella would hate her for life. The game got to me.

I wrote an apology email to my now-ex-friend, saying that I wanted to work things out. She replied by saying that friendships all end at some point and she didn't want me to contact her in any way, shape, or form. She also said that if I try to see her, she would call for legal protection. This was back in January of this year.

This ex-friend was at Anime NYC, working at Artists' Alley. I was up there with a female friend, saw her, and told my friend to go somewhere alongside Artists' Alley. She got the message since she knew my situation. She encouraged me to be in a good mood since I suddenly felt like I had an anxiety attack. I knew that there was a chance of seeing her since we both loved anime and manga a lot. I thought I was ready, but I wasn't. I did go back to Artists' Alley by myself to buy stuff, but I just avoided her because of the threat. The female friend who was there for me at Anime NYC texted me throughout the con asking if I was okay when we weren't together because she sensed how fragile I looked.

To tell you the truth, after that January, I thought about quitting the entire anime/manga community entirely. I had enough. Was it really worth it going through all this pain for fandom? I realized that I was trying to chase my own happiness at the cost of someone else's. I know people get told that everyone should strive for their own happiness, but I think some of that advice is a big fucking pile of horse shit because most people decide to hurt others without thinking about them by chasing after happiness. That's why I cut off my social media accounts for a while, but slowly came back. Going to Crunchyroll Expo was a big life saver for me since I didn't have to deal with potential East Coast drama. It was a new and different environment that I needed to be in.

At Anime NYC, I went to a panel called "Cosplay with Disabilities" on Saturday. It was very heavy as you can guess. They talked about not being judged by those who will never get you. I was going to bawl because there's a part of me that felt I was being judged all those months ago. But I was conflicted because I know I messed up the friendship. Some of my friends that knew about my ex-friend asked "Why would you still to talk to someone who indirectly made you want to kill yourself?" I wonder that myself. But I believe in the potential of people to redeem themselves, including myself.

I could avoid her, yeah. But I've come to realize that to avoid her is to basically get rid of a huge part of me that she helped unleash – my interest in embracing my love for 2D men, being sexually ambiguous, and wanting to do cosplay of female characters that I like. Around her, I was the real me. I was truly myself around her. A "me" that I've been accepting more and more over the years. She did something that I wish I can pay her back in some way. I still treasure the memories we had together over the years.

I'm a beta male deep down. I didn't mind girly things when I was little. I recalled watching The Little Mermaid on CBS in junior high with no worries, but when I told one boy that I liked it, he was like "Really?" with a look of disgust. I think that made me want to keep my feminine interests hidden in order not to be teased. Almost all of my best friends are women. Some of the current ones I have are all in the anime/manga fandom. I never found myself comfortable among alpha males. I had an alpha colleague who was always talking about Japanese prostitutes because I follow the adult film industry sometimes, but I found his talk so uncomfortable because I just absolutely hate talking about porn with most men. I actually like talking about it with women and they in return tell me some really dirty (and good) jokes, even better than men's.

I've been so influenced by the women that it's not even funny. My mother influenced me to learn how to cook, a woman influenced me to cosplay, a woman influenced me to do blogging, etc. I get harem jokes and sometimes I get flustered, but I've always felt that I'm a girl deep down inside a man's body.

That's why it's really hard for me to move on because this is happening in the community where I call my safe haven. I later read up on relationship loss/grief and how to deal with it. A lot of people don't know how to handle loss of anyone important to them. Another thing is that even the losses that seem insignificant can have a detrimental effect on someone's psyche. The most important lesson I learned from that research is that you may never fully move on. The pain will always be there. It will always hurt. You can do whatever you can to avoid it, but when it comes every now and then, you won't escape it. You can learn to let it go instead.

Because I fully accepted letting go, for the 1st time ever, I don't hate myself. I picked up on what flaws I had and addressed them. I read up on books about the flaws of "positive psychology" because that line of thinking was making me worse. Although it did cost me anime-viewing time, I made up for it by still reading a crap ton of manga. At the same time, I still want to be the kind person who still places others before himself (though more calmed down) that my old friend and many others like. It's scary when people tell you that you're different in a good way.

Though because of my ex-friend, I am now using the kindness & wisdom she's given me all those years towards me as a catalyst in what I'm secretly planning for the anime/manga community. I think now is the time to give back to the community in a way that goes beyond fandom drama. I want to let you all know that it's okay to cry over lost relationships even if you can't get over them. Take all the time you need and if anyone tells you otherwise, that's their opinion. If you've expanded your worldview in a productive manner like I have, you're trying and you're a winner to me.

I just want to say to my ex-friend when we ever run into each other again at next year's Anime NYC that I felt scared from her "legal protection" comment because I would rather grovel into a corner than go after someone. I would also forgive her because I know it's hard to handle certain kinds of people. I would also say that we don't need to be friends anymore, but if she knows someone who's an anime fan and has mental health troubles, that she can always point them towards me.

I would finally say that I will always, always love and respect her, no matter what.

[[UPDATE: I spoke to her recently via email. She said that I’m free to do what I like to. We’ll probably run into each other again some day. We may ignore each other, but I still want to be there for her if she asks for my help.]]

To all the women that I talk to in my life, I'm glad I'm friends/acquaintances with you all. Also, I'm so sorry for my actions regarding suicide and the ones taken on one of your own.

Thank you to anyone who’s read this far. I know it was heavy, but I felt this was something I want everyone to know about me going forward.

I will keep on observing and trying for everyone. If you have anything you want to say, you can email/message me. Comments are closed for this post.

#psychology #fandom #life #friendship #relationships #loss #Anime NYC

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tamboradventure · 5 years

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An Update on Life with Coronavirus

Posted: 03/26/20 | March 26th, 2020

As many of you know, I have the coronavirus. Well, had. I’ve recovered. Luckily, I had a mild case. It felt like a really bad cold. My fever lasted only a few days, and the cough lasted until about day twelve. (Today is day fourteen.)

Given how bad this virus can be — even for people my age (I’m almost forty) — I count myself very lucky. (If you want to read about my experience, I posted about it here and here.)

I hardly ever get sick so this was a scary experience for me. I was mostly worried by reports saying that between days eight and ten, patients could suddenly crash and end up in the ICU. I knew I was probably fine when the fever broke, but until day ten, I never really felt out of the woods.

Additionally, as someone who loves to wake up early, I found the lethargy that came with being sick demoralizing, which made the experience even worse. It weighed heavily on my mental state, which in turn made me feel physically worse.

Here I was, trapped inside, where I could theoretically at least work, read, and watch movies — and I spent the majority of the day sleeping! I just ended up scrolling social media, which is never a good thing even in the best of times, and that just made my anxiety and emotional state worse.

However, I’m on the mend but will be quarantined for the foreseeable future. No one is watching my door, but I plan to be a good human and stay inside. I hope to get retested but, with tests so limited, I doubt I will be able to. They say you can shed the virus for up to three weeks (no one really knows for sure) so I’ll just avoid people for the next three weeks to be on the safe side. I do not want to spread this.

While the days in quarantine have been slow, now that I’m feeling better, I’ve been able to resume work (writing and fixing up the website). When not working, I’ve started to finally catch up on my binge-worthy shows (Altered Carbon and The Man in High Castle are great!) and reading (so far just finishing some books I started already, but I’m looking into diving into a wide range of sci-fi, history, and travel books in the coming weeks).

I look forward to the day I can leave my house and go for a walk. I’d always taken for granted the ability to just go outside. Not anymore. Luckily, there are plenty of things to do at home, but I do yearn for the outdoors. I fully plan to take more advantage of the outside when this is all over. (I suspect we all will.)

I guess it is true what they say: you don’t really appreciate things until they are gone.

***

On another note, watching the travel industry grind to a halt while having employees has been really mentally tough. It keeps me up a lot at night. I’ve already started seeing friends of mine lose their jobs and I know a few companies about to head under. It’s been sad to see. Even in a recession, people still travel.

But now? No one is going anywhere. March has felt like the longest decade of my life and it’s only going to get worse. I have a whole post coming out on what I think will happen to the travel industry because of this but it’s going to be bad.

This site (usually) gets a lot of traffic and we do very well, most of that goes back into other business endeavors (our conference TravelCon, our charity FLYTE, new projects, and all the events we do) so we don’t have a huge cushion.

If this website were just me, it wouldn’t be a problem but, with four full-time employees, a lot of my day is spent worrying about how I can make payroll.

Hopefully, we’ll make it through and people will start traveling again in late May/early June. All our fallback plans assumed people would still travel. We never imagined there would be no travel in the world. As Monty Python said, no one ever expects the Spanish Inquisition.

But the team and I are on the same page and we’ll figure out a way through.

This year, we were turning toward events and community initiatives through our Nomadic Network program.

But, since we should all be inside now (let’s flatten the curve so we can end this as quickly as possible), we can’t do events. But there’s a lot we can do virtually:

First, I’m all over Instagram these days, posting lots of updates from home and doing some live Q&As. Follow me there for updates, posts, and streams!

Second, I started a service where you can text me about travel, life, and anything else and I’ll respond. For real! My number is +1 (617) 284-0863. See, here’s a pic of me with the number so you know it’s real:

Finally, as I’m passing time by writing new blog posts, I’d love to know if there are any topics you’d like me to write about. If so, leave them in the comments!

Let’s chat and pass the time. Now is when we need community the most. Let’s be here for each other during these trying times.

I hope you are FaceTiming the people that are important to you more often!

– Matt

P.S. – Some of you have asked if there’s anything you can do to help and we have some easy ways to do so:

Use our Amazon link when you buy anything from the service

Purchase one of our guides for your next trip

Use our affiliate links when you book your summer/fall travels

If you are getting a new card for points/miles, do it via our website! (There’s some good deals right now that probably won’t last too much longer as the banks cut back)

Additionally, we started a Patreon. While you can continue to use this site for free, if you want to get more out of your experience here, we’ve created a program where each month you can get exclusive content, live chats, Q&A sessions, free books, and a lot more!

Book Your Trip: Logistical Tips and Tricks

Book Your Flight Find a cheap flight by using Skyscanner or Momondo. They are my two favorite search engines, because they search websites and airlines around the globe so you always know no stone is being left unturned.

Book Your Accommodation You can book your hostel with Hostelworld as they have the largest inventory. If you want to stay somewhere other than a hostel, use Booking.com, as they consistently return the cheapest rates for guesthouses and hotels. I use them all the time.

Don’t Forget Travel Insurance Travel insurance will protect you against illness, injury, theft, and cancellations. It’s comprehensive protection in case anything goes wrong. I never go on a trip without it, as I’ve had to use it many times in the past. I’ve been using World Nomads for ten years. My favorite companies that offer the best service and value are:

World Nomads (for everyone below 70)

Insure My Trip (for those 70 and over)

Looking for the best companies to save money with? Check out my resource page for the best companies to use when you travel! I list all those I use — and they’ll save you time and money too!

The post An Update on Life with Coronavirus appeared first on Nomadic Matt's Travel Site.

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#IFTTT #Nomadic Matt's Travel Site

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berniesrevolution · 7 years

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It should be obvious that having large for-profit media institutions operate yields disastrous results. As with other markets, if a journalistic institution is out to make money, it will sell what people can be convinced to buy rather than what will actually do them any good. And since we are all weak and easily distracted by gossip, fearmongering, and sleaze, we will be given disproportionate amounts of gossip, fearmongering, and sleaze. The pressure for institutions to get as many viewers/readers as possible has had pernicious consequences in the Trump Era, since it’s hard to get people to pay attention to serious issues when they could be watching the antics and drama of the Trump Show, which is—let’s be honest—the most entertaining thing on television. CNN and MSNBC produce nonstop noisy Trump coverage, and are getting their highest ratings in years.

Of course, having a parade of rubbish on television is nothing especially new. Donald Trump may have made it worse, but it’s not like CNN has ever been watchable. And the harmful results of having journalism mixed with business have been evident since at least the time of the Spanish American war. But in a new report about the progressive commentary website Mic, we can see a further troubling dimension of the profit problem: its potential to exploit and thereby corrode and cheapen the ideal of social justice.

Mic recently announced that it would be laying off two dozen staffers, as part of a pivot to video, the infamous process by which moribund journalistic institutions desperately attempt to save themselves by eliminating text-based content, on the theory that this is what millennials want. (As a hip millennial magazine, Current Affairs recently rolled out its own pivot to video.) Writing for The Outline, Adrianne Jeffries surveys the website’s history, from its beginnings as a bland purveyor of D.C. conventional wisdom called PolicyMic to its emergence as one of the foremost online voices of the “social justice” movement, garnering a huge audience by pushing politically progressive takes on the news. Mic swiftly became notorious for the tenor of its condemnations of problematic things, becoming, in the words of one former staffer, the place where millennials could go each day to find out “What are we supposed to be outraged about?” As Jeffries summarizes:

Every day, there was someone, like plus-size model Ashley Graham, to cheer for, and someone else, like manspreaders, to excoriate. Kim Kardashian annihilated slut shamers, George Takei clapped back at transphobes. “In a Single Tweet, One Man Beautifully Destroys the Hypocrisy of Anti-Muslim Bigotry.” “This Brave Woman’s Horrifying Photo Has Become a Viral Rallying Cry Against Sexual Harassment.” “Young Conservative Tries to Mansplain Hijab in Viral Olympic Photo, Gets It All Wrong.” “The Problematic Disney Body Image Trend We’re Not Talking About.” “The Very Problematic Reason This Woman Is Taking a Stand Against Leggings.”

But according to the former employees Jeffries spoke to, much of this was deployed cynically. Mic’s founders, Chris Altchek and Jake Horowitz, “did not believe the things that their staffers were hired to write about.” In fact, their approach to social justice issues was sometimes nakedly mercenary: when pitched a story, one asked about the subject of the aritcle “But is she black? Is she black?” Mic stories had a formula: “In One Perfect Tweet, X” or “Celebrity X Just Said X About Issue X, Here’s Why That’s Important.” As it grew, the site was publishing between 50 and 100 stories per day, with 2500 writers, and “individual stories kept going viral, pulling in 2 million, 3 million, 5 million unique visitors per piece.” Microsoft, Cadillac and GE signed up to run “branded content” on the site, a.k.a. adverts disguised as articles.

While the site’s founders would claim that it was trying to “inform and empower our generation to have an impact,” its staff saw it as trying to “commodify people’s feelings about race and gender.” There was a “fixation on traffic” that led to “reductive headlines [that catered] to an echo chamber.” The outrage was always ratcheted “up to 11,” and while the site often promoted serious progressive causes and drew attention to Black Lives Matter and the Bernie Sanders campaign, it was clear that the chief task was the pursuit of clicks. Every time the site “attempted to reinvent itself as ‘real journalism,’” the founders would “get spooked when traffic dropped and return to the low-hanging fruit.” Staff members, many of whom actually believed in things, felt used.

(Continue Reading)

#politics #the left #social justice #Social media #mic.com #progressive #progressive movement #capitalism

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cloudbusterpress · 5 years

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What it’s like to be a speechwriter

Do you have a gift for knowing what people are trying to say, and how to help them say it so they shine? Do you enjoy researching topics, and have an ability to encapsulate that research into a clear message? Is the persuasive essay your favorite assignment in English class? If so, scroll down to read more about speechwriting from a professional in the field, former speechwriter Rob Costello. And check out all the other cool careers in writing profiled on TIPS FOR TEEN WRITERS!

How did you get started as a speechwriter?

I never set out to become a speechwriter. In fact, when I was a teenager I didn’t really set out to be much of anything. I graduated high school not having a clue what I wanted to do with my life, and for most of my 20s I worked in a series of low-skill, low-wage jobs. I cleaned toilets and flipped burgers. I dealt cards in a casino. I processed trade documents for an international bank.

When I met my future husband, I moved to Ithaca, NY to be with him. There I got a job dispatching police and emergency services for the Cornell University Police Department. What a crazy, intense job that turned out to be! I quickly realized answering 911 calls all day long was way too stressful for me, and so after only a year of doing that, I managed to snag another job at Cornell that was much more my speed: receptionist in the Dean’s Office of the College of Agriculture and Life Sciences (CALS).

This is where I spent the next decade, working my way up from receptionist, to the dean’s administrative assistant, and finally to her executive assistant and chief of staff, where I helped her run the college. I enjoyed this experience very much. CALS is one of the leading ag and life sciences research institutions in the world. Working for the dean, I got to learn a great deal about the cutting-edge environmental, biological, and food systems research happening in the college. I also met tons of interesting people, from Nobel prize-winning scientists and Fortune 500 CEOs, to senators and members of Congress, and some of the brightest, most dedicated students in the world. Finally, I learned the ins and outs of what it takes to run a world-class research and academic institution with well over a thousand faculty and employees, and an annual budget in the hundreds of millions of dollars.

It was during this period that I first realized I could make a career out of writing. A big part of my job was helping the dean manage the huge volume of correspondence she received, literally hundreds of letters and emails a day. Because she couldn’t possibly answer all of these messages herself, I often drafted responses in “her voice,” which she would then review, edit, and sign. I’d always loved to write, and over time this became my favorite part of the job.

Eventually, I went back to school, earning my bachelors degree in English and an MFA in writing for children and young adults, while still working full-time (something I don’t recommend if you can possibly avoid it). When the position of the dean’s speechwriter became available, my educational background, extensive knowledge of the college, and deep familiarity with the “dean’s voice” made me uniquely qualified for the job.

What is a typical day like?

It’s hard for me to pin down what a typical day as a speechwriter was like, because speechwriting was only half of my job. At the same time, I was also the college’s social media manager, which meant I ran CALS’ Twitter, Facebook, Instagram, Tumblr, and YouTube platforms, and wrote articles for various college publications. Depending on the dean’s public speaking schedule, which varied widely throughout the year, I could spend as much as 80% of my time working on speeches or as little as none.

That said, when I left CALS a few years ago to pursue fiction writing and teaching full-time, the dean was giving anywhere from 90 to 120 public addresses a year, which breaks downs to something like two to three speeches a week. Of course, not all speeches are created equal, and many of these were brief remarks that required minimal research and preparation.

On the other hand, some of the major speeches, such as the annual State of the College address, could take weeks to prepare. These involved massive amounts of research and data collection, interviewing faculty about new college initiatives, reviewing financial and budgetary reports with college officers, creating graphs and gathering photographs for slide presentations, familiarizing myself with the venue and A/V equipment that would be used for the speech, and then finally crafting the speech, followed by multiple rounds of revision with the dean.

In general, when I was working on a major address like this, most of my day was spent at my desk in front of my computer, doing research, drafting the text, and preparing the slides.

What training, education or preparation would help someone to be a good speechwriter?

To be honest, the most important training I received came from my high school English teachers, who taught me how to write a persuasive essay. When you reduce them to their essence, most speeches are merely persuasive arguments read aloud. They begin with an introduction that leads to a thesis statement, followed by a series of supporting points that build to a summary conclusion. Since I was also active in speech and debate as a teen, I had experience crafting arguments about complicated issues that were accessible and easy to convey while speaking. Who knew the basic skills I learned in high school would turn out to be so important to my job years later?

In college, I did coursework in speechwriting, presentation making, and rhetoric that was all very valuable, too.

Finally, all those years working in the dean’s office furnished me with a wealth of knowledge and resources that proved invaluable to my speechwriting career. Having a basic understanding of the different kinds of scientific research conducted in the college was crucial, because so many of the dean’s speeches involved promoting that work to alumni, politicians, and other stakeholders. It also really helped that I’d become something of an expert on the institution of CALS itself. This meant I always knew just whom to ask to get my questions answered quickly and accurately. Furthermore, because I was so familiar with the college’s inner workings, I understood many of the complicated subjects the dean spoke about, such as the budget and various policies and initiatives. This enabled me to craft speeches without a lot of coaching that were coherent and authoritative on these complex matters. I can’t imagine how hard it would have been for me had I not spent so many years beforehand getting to know the dean and the college so well.

Of course, this experience was unique to me and my job in CALS. But generally speaking, I think for any aspiring speechwriter the lesson here is to become as much of an expert as you possibly can on the subjects you will be writing about. Do your research. Ask questions. Be curious. Learn as much as you can before you ever sit down to write, because all of that knowledge will lend your speeches clarity and authority.

What skills do you think helped you do the job of speechwriting well?

Writing well persuasively is the most important skill to master. Knowing how to frame an argument and anticipate counterarguments is a big part of this, as well as being able to translate complicated issues or ideas into simple, clear, compelling language. Listening is also an essential skill, as well as being able to take critical feedback. Time management and organizational skills are invaluable, especially when multiple deadlines loom. Basic research, journalism, and interviewing skills are also extremely useful. Being comfortable setting up and troubleshooting A/V equipment is important, as is proficiency with presentation and graphics software like PowerPoint, Prezi, InDesign, and Keynote.

What type of person would be a good fit to be a speechwriter?

Somebody who is tenacious about getting the facts right. Somebody who enjoys writing persuasively and changing people’s minds with words. Somebody who doesn’t seek the spotlight and who doesn’t mind having another person receive the glory for what they’ve written. Somebody who cares passionately about the agenda being pursued by the person or organization they work for. (For example, it’s probably not a great idea if you’re an environmentalist to take a job writing speeches for the President of Exxon!)

What are the down sides of speechwriting?

You spend most of your time alone at a desk! It can be a challenge to find a good speechwriting job. Your job satisfaction is often dependent on whether or not you are able to satisfy one person (the person giving the speeches), so if you have a difficult or demanding boss, it can make your life a real drag.

What are the up sides of speechwriting?

Speechwriting is a great job for an introvert! It’s also tremendously rewarding to be able to work with an influential leader to craft a speech that may change people’s minds and influence lives. In my time at CALS, I worked on several major addresses the dean gave about the environment, education, and the value of scientific research in promoting a better world, all issues I care deeply about. Speechwriting gave me the opportunity to feel that I was contributing to the academic and scientific mission of the college, without actually being an academic or a scientist. Speechwriters can often play an important role in helping to spread the word about important issues and ideas. If you care about things like politics and activism, but aren’t the kind of person who can get up in front of others and lead, being the one behind the scenes who helps those leaders be more effective in communicating their messages can be extremely empowering and satisfying.

What resources, professional journals, organizations or social media sites keep you informed about your industry?

Unfortunately, I’ve been away from speechwriting for a while now, so I haven’t kept up with current resources. However, I do know that the Professional Speechwriters Association was founded in 2013 and offers information and links to non-members on their website.

Any words of advice for people interested in speechwriting?

I think it’s most important to develop a good rapport with the person you’re writing speeches for. After all, you are essentially putting words into their mouth. Words they will be speaking in public. Words they may be judged on and/or criticized for later on. By the very nature of the job, speechwriters are often working for influential public figures, such as politicians and other leaders. It can be a strangely intimate experience to see these powerful people with their guard down, expressing fears, anxieties, and vulnerabilities that don’t always correspond to their well-honed public images. It’s important, therefore, that you earn their trust by doing everything you possibly can to make their job easier. This means listening to how they speak, their unique speech patterns, vocabulary choices, and sentence structure. It means familiarizing yourself with the kinds of jokes and anecdotes they’re comfortable telling, as well as the subjects they wish to avoid. It means being scrupulously well-prepared and always having your facts straight, so that they are not embarrassed by giving out bad information or saying something inadvertently offensive or disrespectful to their audience. Finally, it means understanding what’s most important to them about the speech they are giving, what their goals are for it, and what message(s) they are trying to convey. After all, it isn’t about you and your pretty words. Your number one priority is to make sure they shine!

Rob Costello writes fiction for and about queer youth. He holds an MFA in Writing from the Writing for Children and Young Adults Program at the Vermont College of Fine Arts. An alumnus of the Millay Colony for the Arts and the New York State Summer Writers Institute, his short fiction has appeared in Hunger Mountain, Stone Canoe, Eclectica, and Narrative, and is forthcoming in Rural Voices: YA Stories of Growing Up in Remote Communities (Candlewick, Fall 2020). He teaches creative writing to teens and adults, and has been on the faculty of the Whole Novel Workshop at the Highlights Foundation since 2014. He recently finished work on his debut young adult novel entitled An Ugly World for Beautiful Boys, and lives with his husband and various four-legged companions on top of a wide and windy hill in upstate NY.

Find out more at www.cloudbusterpress.com.

#speech writing #writing tips #writing career #jobs #speechwriter #young adult #teens #careers #careers in writing

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prose-byanyothername · 7 years

Text

Cloud Nine (Chapter Four)

Fandom: Mystic Messenger Pairing: Jumin/MC (you) Rating: Fluff Summary: The RFA members say that MC was trapped, but how could anyone claim to be trapped when she said so herself that she was in heaven? Retells the events of MC visiting Jumin in his pent-house. Set between days 7-11 in Jumin’s route. (* spoiler alert!)

[Chapter Three] | [Chapter Five]

Chapter Four: A Bolt out of the Blue

When the morning rays peeked its way in through the penthouse’s giant glass windows, Jumin’s eyes fluttered open as he welcomed another beautiful day. His arms stretched out, his back arching in tow. The young man took a quick glance at MC, who was still sound asleep. The smile on his face reflected his relief in seeing that she was resting so peacefully.

“Wish I could stay here a bit longer…” He sighed with a bit of disappointment as he kept his eyes on her, a finger reaching out slowly to brush against her cheek. It took everything in him not to make any further advancements, let alone say any more than he did. “But, I must get ready.”

Jumin walked over to another room to change clothes and ready himself before eventually making his way over to the kitchen, slowly opening more blinds along the way. He poked his head and hands through cupboards and cabinets, finding things so that he could prepare breakfast. He did tell her that he was going to make her pancakes, and he felt excitement in merely the thought of doing so.

The brightness of the sun’s welcoming light continually flooded through his spacious penthouse, and just as he was mixing ingredients into a bowl, Jumin turned as he heard the rustling of silk sheets and a soft yawn escaping from MC’s lips. He stopped what he was doing at that very moment and he walked over to her side of the bed to greet her.

“MC… Your sleepy eyes look very cute…” His eyes softened, a hand over his fist as she looked up at him, half awake.

“Good morning…” She said to him quietly as she stretched her arms above her head, fixing her messy bangs as she quickly checked her phone for the time. She then let him know that she was going to freshen up and she walked to the bathroom to do so.

MC continued to scroll through the notifications on her lock screen as she noticed that there were some text messages from the gang as well as a few emails to get back to from party guests she had been working on inviting, to which she worked on as she got herself ready.

Jumin smirked slightly from the other room as he watched her name appear as ‘online’ in the RFA app, proceeding to do so as well, while going back to what he was doing.

[Jumin Han has entered the chatroom]

[MC has entered the chatroom]

Jumin Han: It hasn’t been scientifically proven that beautiful women sleep more.

Jumin Han: But it’s been said that women tend to sleep longer than men on average.

She didn’t want to tell him that she had to reread what he said multiple times in her mind to make sure that she wasn’t dreaming. After trying to make sense of reality, she attempted to finally think of a way to reply to such eloquent words.

MC: Do you… think that I’m beautiful?

Jumin Han: I’m sorry, was I too direct?

She gasped lightly, a hand shot to her mouth. She couldn’t stop staring at her phone in disbelief. Was he talking to her right now? Surely, he must be mistaken. She thanked herself quietly for making the decision to excuse herself to the bathroom at that moment.

Jumin Han: Good morning.

Jumin Han: I’m making pancakes for a beautiful lady.

Jumin Han: Isn’t it quite funny though,

Jumin Han: That we’re both logged in the messenger when we’re at the same place?

MC had walked out to the kitchen at this time, immediately catching his attention once more. She caught herself breathtakingly meeting her eyes with his after the messenger showed him that she read what he sent. There was a glow that she found somewhere beneath the dark undertones in the soft shades of gray. The gleam on her smile reflected onto him and he couldn’t help but let a small grin form on his somber expression. He happily continued what he was doing, as they continually held their gaze in silence.

[Jaehee Kang has entered the chatroom]

Jaehee Kang: Mr. Han!

Jaehee Kang: Finally, you’re logged in.

Jaehee Kang: I’ve waited for you.

However, MC watched as Jumin’s face deflated significantly after a sudden interruption caught him off-guard. She understood anyhow — for she, herself, enjoyed hearing Jumin Han, of all people, talk so sweetly to her like that.

Jumin Han: Good morning :3

Jaehee Kang: This isn’t the time to say good morning…

The brunette snickered lightly at his playfulness, finding both comfort yet also disbelief in this almost completely different side of him that she’d never seen before in the messenger. She then looked down for a moment to type a greeting to their fellow RFA member. “Heya Jaehee.”

Jaehee Kang: Hello MC

Jaehee Kang: I apologize, but I must talk with Mr. Han

Jaehee Kang: ...Mr. Han.

Jumin Han: Yes?

Jaehee Kang: I did read that you wouldn’t be coming to work because of Elizabeth…

Jaehee Kang: But I sincerely hope that you will.

Jumin Han: Is something wrong?

Jaehee Kang: Nothing is “wrong”

Jaehee Kang: But there is a huge pile of documents that must be signed… but I’m sure that is not very important to you right now.

And he continually made the latter very clear to her and that he was quite obviously much more concerned about other manners instead of wanting to talk about the situations happening at work. The messages quickly flooded, to which Jumin half-listened as he started pouring batter into a heated frying pan. Jaehee continued to assert the imperative need of Jumin to go to the office aside from matters that involved work itself, with MC also taking these thoughts into consideration as well.

Rumors at C&R apparently began spreading like wildfire that claimed that Jumin had apparently been unable to make an appearance at work recently because he was “too busy planning for the wedding.” This boiled his blood, in a way that only MC could see, as she was witnessing this physically.

“Preparing for the wedding… That’s not pleasant.” MC watched as Jumin’s expression grew more and more sour at the thought.

Jaehee Kang: Yes!

Jaehee Kang: The media is free to talk about whatever they want

Jaehee Kang: But you should at least stop your own employees from gossiping.

Jaehee Kang: Not only for MC, but Elizabeth as well

And his assistant knew full well that if she tried to tie Elizabeth the 3rd into the conversation as a means of motivation to get him to go to work, that it might be enough to convince him. MC could already sense what she was attempting to do, and she went along with it, as well.

Jumin Han: Do you think so?

Jaehee Kang: Yes!!

Jaehee Kang: She will be distraught!!

Jaehee Kang: Isn’t that true, MC?

Before she could even say anything, Jumin turned to read her expression in hopes that her response in the chat corresponded with her true feelings.

“Nothing good can come out from all these rumors going around.” MC nodded at him after her reply sent.

“I see…” Jumin said this aloud to her as he also typed the response out to the chatroom, feeling like he understood more when it was MC telling him these things. “I can’t let this affect Elizabeth the 3rd.”

Jaehee Kang: I am not asking for much but please just make an appearance at the office ^^

Jumin Han: But

Jaehee Kang: But what??

Jumin Han: What if someone kidnaps Elizabeth the 3rd while I am gone?

MC: I’ll take care of her! Just go to the office today, please Jumin?

Jaehee Kang: That is such a good idea!

Jaehee Kang: Don’t you feel much safer if someone you trust is guarding her?

Jaehee Kang: Especially if it’s MC

Jumin Han: Yes… I can trust MC…

Jaehee Kang: That’s it! Then leave her there with her and come to work!

MC: I agree. It’s not worth ignoring your work for this…

Jumin Han: Wait, I’m thinking

Jaehee Kang: Whatever you may be thinking

Jaehee Kang: I hope you decide to come to the office

Jumin Han: Alright

Jumin Han: I’ll contact you once I finish thinking.

Jumin Han: Oh, actually

Jumin Han: I finished the pancakes, MC

Jumin Han: We should eat together before they get cold

Jumin Han: Then goodbye

[Jumin Han has left the chatroom.]

MC looked up expectantly as she heard the sound of plates and utensils clattering softly against the table. She was motioned by him to take her seat at the table, but she was stopped as the same sound of messages flooding in commenced once more. This prevented her from getting up as she made attempts to keep up with the load that dropped at that moment.

The brunette felt Jumin’s eyes on her as she watched his assistant helplessly ramble about her stress and concerns once more in the chatroom. She silently gestured to him that she would be another minute, for a part of her heart ached for the perseverance and efforts Jaehee was giving despite the admitted lack of proper gratitude that she was being given. Just by looking at her, Jumin could immediately sense MC’s rather caring nature.

Jaehee Kang: I haven’t prayed in a while but I should…

Jaehee Kang: So that he comes to work.

Jaehee Kang: God… I have to leave because of a meeting.

Jaehee Kang: MC… Please convince Mr. Han, I beg of you.

MC: I’ll do my best. Go ahead, Jaehee…

Jaehee Kang: Yes! Thank you!

Jaehee Kang: I will get going.

Jaehee Kang: Anyways… Please help him make the right decision…

MC: I will, don’t worry!

[Jaehee Kang has left the chatroom.]

[MC has left the chatroom.]

She sighed softly as she clicked her phone locked. The inviting smell of freshly made food made her feel eager as she was greeted to a table that was already set.

“I didn’t know what kind of tea you liked, by the way, so I made you Earl Grey.” Jumin placed a tea cup and an accompanying saucer down as he said this, pouring the hot brew out from the ceramic pot after doing so. “Is that fine with you?”

“It’s perfect, Jumin.” MC smiled as she twined her hands together and placed them on the table, taking her seat. “Thank you, so much. You really didn’t have to do all of this.”

“Oh, but I wanted to.” He reassured her, following suit as he scooted his own chair closer to the table.

MC’s eyes lit up as she breathed in the smell of freshly made pancakes mixed with juicy strawberries and newly brewed tea. It had been a while since she had a decent meal after being in Rika’s apartment, so the thought of breakfast made her feel a bit excited.

She asked him how he learned to cook, to which Jumin explained that he simply enjoyed knowing a little bit of everything here and there. MC genuinely looked at him with interest as he spoke, feeling like she could just listen to him speak all day. He stopped after some time, however, a hand gesturing a motion that told her to eat.

“Tell me what you think.” Jumin said, as he curiously examined her expression carefully. He watched expectantly as she took her first bite, chewing rather slowly at first. His eyes widened in concern as she appeared rather straight-faced for that moment.

“These… are heavenly... Wow, I’m impressed!” She felt as if hearts were about to fly out of her eyes, eating more but remaining careful to savor the flavor. “And the strawberries! They taste so fresh! These are so good!”

“I’m very glad to hear that you like them.” He smiled, incredibly pleased as he started to take a few bites of his own.

“What can you not do, Jumin?” MC beamed widely, as she raised her teacup for a toast.

“That’s a good question.” He snickered, clinking his cup with hers as they exchanged smiles across the table.

They remained quiet afterwards as the two of them had their breakfast, catching each other’s gaze occasionally. Otherwise, it was merely the sound of silverware softly meeting fine china while delicious food met their hungry stomachs.

Jumin tugged lightly at his tie as his focus remained fixated at her. He decided to break the silence after finishing up what left he had on his plate. “MC, I have something that I want to say to you. Do you have a moment?”

“Of course.” She gushed, still reveling in awe at the sweet things he said to her earlier.

He set his utensils down for a moment, a hand lightly brushing against his hair as he took an extra moment before saying to her, “I… I think I’ll have to go to work today.”

MC shot a hand onto her chest as she heaved a sigh of relief, although she caught herself quickly in hopes that her reaction didn’t give off the wrong impression. A million thoughts had raced in her mind wondering what he wanted to tell her, but was glad to hear that he was slowly becoming more open to her about his thoughts and feelings.

“I can’t just sit here and let strange rumors get around in my office. Of course, I will tell the body guards everything, and I’ll come back as soon as I can. If you take care of Elizabeth the 3rd, I’ll feel safe while I’m gone knowing that she’s with you… Will you be okay with that?” Jumin smiled at her.

“I’ll take good care of her.” MC nodded without hesitation, glad that she was finally able to do something for him for once. She secretly enjoyed the idea of being treated like a princess, but not entirely to a point where she couldn’t even lift a finger without being one-upped with more things for him to offer her. “Don’t worry about us so much and please, just go to work, and we’ll both be here waiting for you.”

“You have a beautiful heart.” He exhaled lightly, as if a weight was just lifted from his shoulders, and for that, they both were glad. “Elizabeth the 3rd is so important to me, and I’m glad that you understand that when nobody else does. But that’s how much I trust you, also… so I won’t have to be anxious while taking care of work. I hope that you both stay safe until I come back.”

She glanced over at the white, majestic fur ball, her light blue eyes intently focused on them both as she sleepily laid along the side of the large cage she was inside of. She knew that Jumin was overly concerned of her well-being as of late, considering the extra bit of protection he provided for her. Yet, something about it still didn’t feel right to her.

“If everything goes well in the morning, why don’t we go shopping in the afternoon? There’s an outfit that I’d like to buy for you. A princess should have clothes fit for a princess. My father has taught me this ever since I was a little boy.” His eyes practically lit up when he said this, unlocking the steel cage and allowing Elizabeth to walk around at will.

“Thank you for being so kind, Jumin.” MC felt her face getting red again. “But please don’t worry about me, and do what you have to do. I really don’t need anything like that from you.” I just need you. She added that thought to herself as she smiled up at him.

“A beautiful girl, with a beautiful soul… You never cease to amaze me, MC… And for that, it’s even more of a reason why I should be absolutely sure that I’ll find a way to make it up to you anyway.” Jumin said with a cheeky grin. “If anything happens, though, you know that you can call me, right? You must let me know if anyone tries to do anything to you. Of course, nothing like that will happen, I’m sure.”

MC laughed lightly as she shook her head in disbelief at how well she was being treated. “Jumin, please stop worrying so much. You need to get ready for work.”

“Yes but, I have an idea, actually… I know that you already met but I’d like to further introduce you to my Chief of Security.” He nodded.

Opening the front door, he went out and spoke softly to the man who continually stood guard at his place, as well as another small handful of people that seemed to be associated with Jumin as well. “…Yes, it’s me. Please come in. I’d like you to meet somebody.”

After coming back in, Jumin kept the door slightly open as he went back to speaking with MC. “They’ll have to know your face to give you complete protection, so I think this is the perfect opportunity for you both to be better acquainted.”

“For the meantime, Jumin, can you tell me how I should take care of Elizabeth?” MC ran a hand through the feline’s soft, white fur as she returned her kindness by gently rubbing herself against her legs.

“Well, I want her to stay inside the cage, so really, there won’t be much for you to do. I’ll give her food before I go, so if I don’t return until the afternoon, you can just give her more. Here, let me show you what I do for her.” He nodded, reaching a hand out to her as she greeted her owner.

Jumin filled two pink crystal bowls and placed them on the ground for her to eat from. He softly petted her on her head as she went for the food and water. “Lucky you. You’ll be spending the morning with MC. She’s a nice person, so I hope that you get to know her better.”

“Meow, meow~!” Elizabeth happily cooed.

“She looked so tired being inside that cage, Jumin… I don’t think she wants to go back in there.” MC looked at her so sadly. “When are you going to let her roam around freely like this again?”

“I don’t intend to keep her in there forever, of course. Just until I feel reassured of her safety.” Jumin said. “Anyways, please take care of my darling while I’m gone.”

“Oh, the door’s still open.” The brunette noted, instinctively walking over to it to close it after the Chief of Security made his way inside.

“Actually, you can leave it like that. This will be quick.” He told her, to which she walked over to where they are. He also explained that once Elizabeth was finished with eating that she would be put back in the cage.

Jumin further spoke to the uniformed male, imperatively speaking of MC’s safety and to remember what she looked like so that if she were to be in any form of danger that they would know what to do, to which he listened carefully and intently through all of it. MC could sense that he was very loyal to Jumin, beyond how much he was probably being paid and how well he was treated.

“Ah, yes. We met when she first came in last night. It’s nice to see you again, MC. If anything happens, you can call for me anytime.” He reached a hand out for her to shake, to which she returned politely.

MC quietly listened in as he and Jumin exchanged words once more. It appeared that a lot of what was being reiterated was rather straight-forward, but there were no interjections and the orders were heard.

“Er… Mr. Han, I’m sorry to interrupt you, but!” The Chief of Security said this after some time, his brows suddenly furrowed in concern.

“What is it?” Jumin’s face was quick to follow suit.

“Unless I’m crazy, I’m pretty sure that something white moved very quickly just now.” He quickly turned his head over to the door, which appeared to be more open than it was when he first entered his place.

Jumin feared for the worst, not wanting to believe what he just said. “…What do you mean?”

“It can’t be…” MC’s eyes widened. “Elizabeth?”

“Elizabeth the 3rd!” He gasped as he bolted towards the entrance of his penthouse. “She was right there just now… Where did she go!?”

“I believe she headed towards that way.” He pointed at the direction towards the elevator. “I couldn’t see properly because I was looking at MC, but…”

“I’ll lock all the building gates right now. She couldn’t have gone far.” Jumin’s face was flushed out of all happiness that he had built up previously. “God…”

“Mr. Han…?” The Chief of Security could immediately sense his concern.

“Tell all the security guards! Right now, hurry!” Jumin ordered.

“Yes, sir.” He complied. “Are you still going to be leaving, as planned?”

“Not anymore. Please lead me to the security room where I can see all of the CCTV screens of the hallway and lobby. Finding my cat is top priority.”

“Yes, sir!”

“Jumin, I’ll help you find her!” MC said, already putting her shoes on as she said this.

“No.” He touched a hand on her shoulder to stop what she was doing, his eyes sharp as he made it clear that that was an order and not a suggestion. “You have to stay here, MC.”

“But I want to help you…” The brunette said sadly, clearly wanting to be of assistance to him.

Jumin waited until the Chief of Security silently, and quickly, made his way out to alert the rest of the guards of the current situation. He stood close to her now, looking down to meet her eyes. “This might sound strange, but if even you won’t stay here, then I will feel very troubled. Please don’t leave this place. Alright? Don’t. Leave.”

MC’s mouth dropped as she heard further emphasis on the latter. The level of concern he must have had in him skyrocketed to its maximum extent. And although she didn’t exactly agree with his decision, she fully read the worry and anguish in his eyes as he scrambled to get his thoughts together.

“Ugh… God… Keep calm, keep calm…” Jumin’s fingers ran through his jet-black hair, looking as if though he was ready to pull the strands out all at once from the stress. He heaved a deep sigh as he looked over at the brunette, readying himself to leave at once. “I’ll come back with Elizabeth the 3rd. Just wait for me here!”

“I know you will!” She watched as he ran out the door, closing it behind him as she heard his footsteps make a mad dash down the hall outside.

#mystic messenger #mystic messenger fan fiction #mysme #mysme jumin #jumin han #mystic messenger jumin #jumin #mm jumin #jumin x mc #mc x jumin #mysme fanfic

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thirstyfortom · 8 years

Note

Hey! Your blog is so great! I love to read it very much. Can I request: MC's new boss is sexualy harassing her. She can't leave her job, because it's very important to her, but don't know what to do and is afraid to ask help of RFA + V + Saeran?

Hope you like it! ^^

TRIGGER WARNING: MENTIONINGS OF ABUSE AND SEXUAL HARASSMENT

RFA + V and Saeran react to MC being sexualy harassed by her boss

Zen

You came back from work feeling like shit, even if he was tired himself, he always knew when something was off with you.

“How was work, babe?” “Meh, just normal… I’m going to sleep now, ok?” hmmm, not even a smile? Yes, something was definitely wrong

He would let you take your time, so he went to shower, ate something and only then he went to the bedroom

Only to find you sobbing from crying, he ran to you. “Babe, what’s wrong?” “Zen, you’re so right… all men are wolves, all men… are…” “Hey, hey… why are you saying that now, MC?”

You told him about the new boss, the way he trapped you at your desk when nobody was looking… the way he looked at you, you never felt so ashamed of your own body like you were then… “You’re right, Zen, you’re right! I’m too nice to men, right? I’m the problem, they think I’m sending theses… signs and…”

“MC, what are you saying? This isn’t your fault at all! Don’t this to yourself… I… I don’t really think you’re too nice to everybody, you’re just… you, and if people take it on the wrong way, they’re the problem. Your boss is a fucking problem! So where do I find him to fix this problem?”

“Oh… oh no, Zen, please. Let’s calm down, I… he’s my superior and I don’t want to lose my job, I like my job, Zen!” “MC, I’m sorry, but I won’t let this happen. What if he does again? With you or with some of your colleagues?” he was right, today was you, who could it be tomorrow? “Okay… what do you suggest?” “I have something in mind, but you’ll have to be brave for this!”

Your boyfriend, having women like the biggest part of his fanbase, announced a campain on his Tripter account, asking his fans to write on a paper all the abusive and objectifying things they heard from bosses or male co-workers and post a photo, the hashtag made a huge success and he posted on his own account a photo of you holding your own paper with what you heard.

His fans, being the stalkers they are, soon find out where you worked, they gave bad reviews to the company all over social media and threat boycotting the company, they would take the bad reviews once the guy was fired. And that was exactly what happened.

You had no idea his fans could be so supportive to you, and you made sure to thank all of them through a video he also posted. “Zen is an awesome person who wants to make all the women in his life acknowledge their own strength. Thank you all so much!”

Yoosung

He was aware of this new boss being a douch, you would always trash talk the guy when you’d come home.

But it was mainly things related to work. But then he heard this: “And you should hear what he talked about my skirt, Yoosung! Really…” “What did he say about your skirt, MC?”

“Hum? Oh, something like ‘you keep coming dressed like that and I won’t take responsibility on what I’m going to do with you, foxy’ ugh… such a douch, right?”

Douch wasn’t really the word he was thinking, and your bluntness about that was… pretty concerning. “MC, we had a seminar at college about sexual harassment last month, you do realize that what he did to you is a crime, right?”

You sighed deeply. “Yes, I’m aware of it. But what can I do? He’s my boss! You know what happens with girls that make a report? They lose their job, some bosses are bad enough to make sure they never find a job on similar companies… it’s fucked up as it is, there’s nothing I can do except trying to be away, and I swear I’m trying, okay? Don’t worry!”

But he did worry. How could he not? You wouldn’t be able to keep the guy away forever and… oh, he didn’t even dare to imagine that, just thinking about it made his blood boil.

Hell hath no fury like a Yoosung protecting MC! He had to make sure you wouldn’t suffer any retaliation, so he send anonymous reports to the HR’s company telling he knew there was a potential rapist working there, and if they didn’t something about it, he would go to the press.

When they apparently didn’t take it seriously, he sent what he knew to some shitty tabloid, who actually accused the guy directly of being a rapist. It didn’t have any credibility, but having the company’s name associated to such a low publication like that… there is such a thing like bad publicity, indeed!

The guy was fired after all, Yoosung never told you that he was the responsible for it, and you never told him you knew he did that. It wasn’t really necessary keep talking about this when you’re too busy being happy.

Jaehee

She’s a woman too, she knows how to recognize the signs of a girl uncomfortable over something like this

The shame after being cat called on the street, the concerning about wearing some clothes thinking how they can be used as an excuse if something happens to you, the embarrassment, the guilty… even if it’s not your fault?

Jumin Han had a lot of problems about boundaries when she used to work for him, but he was always respectful and intimidating enough not to let anybody even try something with her, who knew one day she would feel bad that you hadn’t the same luck as her?

But you have someone even better! An amazing girlfriend who happens to be a black belt in judo and can teach you some personal defense techniques!

And if it wasn’t enough, maybe you should consider changing jobs? “But, Jaehee… what if I’m not good at anything else? At least I’m kinda successful there, I don’t know if I’m good enough to… start all over again…”

“And do you think I was 100% sure about leaving C & R and starting my own business? Of course I wasn’t, MC! But I had to take the risk…”

“I don’t know if I’m brave as you are, Jaehee…” “Well, a very wise woman told me once that it’s not about money, you have to pursue happiness.” “She sounds kinda naïve…” she giggled “You said that, MC!” “Oh, right… yeah, I’m pretty naïve, maybe that’s why this guy keeps coming to me…”

“Stop right there! It’s nothing about you, MC! This man is a jerk! And the way I see it, you are unhappy there, so get out! You’re smart, you’re talented, you will find something that suits you pretty soon.”

And a few weeks later, you were starting as a barista at her cafe. And you didn’t have a boss, you had a partner, how cool is that?

But you couldn’t stop worrying about other girls that worked there, so you made a formal complaint, endorsed by other women who worked there, most of them secretaries Jaehee kept contact with, she knew this could be useful eventually.

Jumin

You didn’t tell him, you were scared because you knew what kind of things he could do.

He would, idk, buy the company and make you president of it and the guy your secretary. Yes, this was exactly what he would do! And it would be so weird and senseless…

But you couldn’t control the gossip on his own company, he overheard some employees talking about that guy who used to work at C & R and got promoted at the company you were working.

He remembered the guy, he had to come to press telling C &R wouldn’t condone with women being disrespected and the guy was withdrawn for undetermined time, Jumin didn’t even know he quit during this time and was already working somewhere.

He didn’t think nothing like this would ever happen to you, but he was curious and casually asked about it. “W-why do you ask?” your voice broke as soon as you opened your mouth.

“Nothing in particular… I was just curious, do you know him?” “Yeah, we’re at the same department.” “He is your co-worker, then?” “More like my boss…” Hmmm…

“MC, is there something I should know?” “N-no?” “MC…” how did he do that? He was collected and calm, his voice was monotone, he wasn’t doing anything rather than saying your name, yet you felt like he could see right through you…

“Jumin, I… I don’t want to talk about it…” you didn’t need to “As you wish, MC.”

The next day, you went to work and just saw the guy’s room empty. “Have you heard? He got fired and left the country. They say they found some things about him on his previous job at C & R…” one of your colleagues said, you definitely didn’t want to know what those things were.

Jumin made the HR department strict their criteria on hiring, he could never let a guy like this enter at his company again and treat the female employees like that. Oh, he did the same with the new company he bought, the one you worked (but no, he didn’t made you the president, much to your relief)

Saeyoung

You’ve been acting weird ever since you came back from work, you were quiet and he could swear he heard you crying in the shower, this was bad…

What could it be that bad that you wouldn’t even talk to him? He needed to know, he needed to help you!

He knew violating your privacy once more was wrong, but seeing you like this was breaking his heart, so he hacked your phone.

And what he found made him almost punch one of his precious computers, those gross texts from that guy along with a dick pic… that was awful!

And when he remembered this guy was the one you’ve been talking about, that weird dude who just got promoted. Saeyoung lost it!

“Don’t be mad at me, please, but I hacked into your phone and I saw the texts. Why didn’t you tell me?” “I… was afraid and ashamed, how would you react if I told you my boss sent me a photo of his dick?” “I would be pissed at him, not at you!” he hugged you and comforted you “I’ll make him pay!”

“No, Saeyoung, NO! I don’t want to lose my job!” “Hey, he won’t know it was you, don’t worry… we have to do something, MC, today it’s just a dick pic, tomorrow he can be much more direct, you know what I mean?” both of you were sick just to think about this…

So Saeyoung just sent the conversation to a person in a higher position than the guy, along with a threat: “If you don’t do something about this, I swear I’ll let everybody know about those contracts” and he sent a copy of what else he found.

Next day, the guy was fired, and you got his job. Saeyoung swore he had nothing to do with that and he had proof! He showed you the emails your superiors exchanged talking about how you should have been the one promoted at the first place.

Saeran

He knew something was off. You were acting as gloomy and distant a… well, himself.

He couldn’t ask you, he was afraid he might be invading your personal space or something like this.

But this was torturing him, you were coming from work sadder and sadder everyday.

So ironically, he invaded your personal space and followed you to work.

Only to find your boss touching your hair, his eyes rovering through your body, and what’s more agonizing: your uncomfortable expression.

He didn’t even think, he just caught himself over the guy punching him. “Saeran, stop it! Please!” you cried.

“Don’t you see she does not like it? Or you actually enjoy she’s not liking it, you fucking creep!?”

“Saeran…” your voice took him aback, he promised he would never let you see this side of him again, but just remembering your uncomfortable face made him see red… he tried to calm down.

“I’ll tell you what, asshole. If you don’t quit right now, I’ll make sure to erase this company from internet. I want to see what kind of business survives these days if they can’t be found on Google. Don’t think I won’t wreck this just like I did o your gross face!”

“Saeran, don’t do that…” “You are smart and competent enough to find another job wherever you please, MC. But I won’t let this guy stay in the same place with you, so It’s his choice…”

“Fuck this! You’re not even that hot, and your boyfriend is a freak! I’m out of this!” “Wise choice, and you’re half right on there, buddy. She is that hot, she is the hottest, actually, and yes, I’m a freak! A freak who will fucking whoop your ass if you don’t get the fuck out of here right now!” the dude went away, letting a trail of blood from his face.

“I’m sorry if I scared you now, it’s just… I can’t stay still letting someone treat you like this. I hope you don’t lose your job because of me…” “I’ll be fine as long as I have you” and you hugged him, he was so relieved you could not see him blushing right now.

He overheard a conversation between you and probably one of your co-workers.

“Yes, he tried to make a move on me again! Yeah, I keep telling him I have a boyfriend, but he doesn’t care, he said he’s the boss and I got to do what he says! I… I don’t know, but I’m pretty scared right now…”

He’s so mad, but in front of you he just smiles bluntly. So you two keep at that, both of you know something is really wrong, and just keep smiling trying not to worry each other.

But he won’t stay still knowing something bad can happen to you anytime. However, he’s really smooth.

So when he stopped by your work to bring you lunch, everybody liked him, even your boss, who invited him to a drink at his office.

“You’re the only man in your department, I suppose…” “Yeah, but it’s not as great as it looks, most of these girls are ugly, and the only decent one is pretty dumb, but hey, these are the best type, right?”

“I wouldn’t know, I can’t really see.” “Oh, sorry, dude. But yeah, there’s a girl here who’s very hot, but she plays hard to get, you know? It’s only a matter of time, wait and see.”

“I already told you I can’t really see.” His voice was low. “But there’s something here you don’t really need eyes to see. That very hot girl is not into you and she has a boyfriend, and you are a sexist jerk who’ll step away from her and from any other girl who works here if you know what’s best for you.”

“Or what?” V moved fast, placing his cane against the guy’s balls “Or else I’ll destroy these, since they are the only thing that you can count on to feel superior. Don’t test me.” And he got out of the office, letting the guy squirm in pain.

You never knew what made the guy finally back away, but deep inside you knew it had something to do with that day. He never denied or confirmed either.

#mystic messenger headcanon #mystic messenger #mystic messnger zen #yoosung kim #jaehee kang #jumin han #saeyoung choi #saeran choi #mystic messenger v

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artificialqueens · 8 years

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E.V.O.L - Chapter 5 (Trixya) - VicThirteen

A/N: Heeey! So this is kind of a sad one. Tbh this fic was supposed to be way angstier than it turned out, but we’re finding out as I write it how grossly romantic I am and how I just want people to be happy. Ew. Hope you enjoy.

Quick s/o to Evelyn just for being a good friend and encouraging me to write this <3

Chapter Five – Like a shooting star in the valley

She kissed back.

It took Trixie a couple of seconds to realize Katya was kissing back, cold fingers touching her round cheeks. The girl sighed in a mixture of relief and content, kissing Katya again, and again, pink lips parting slightly to fit a red one between them. It felt like this was happening inside her head. The silence was only broken by the wet sounds of their kisses, the poor lighting making the room feel warmer than it actually was. Trixie felt her heart racing in every part of her body. She wanted to look into those icy blue eyes again, so she placed her shaky hands on her legs to pull back, seeing Katya’s lips pout for a second at the sudden interruption.

When the artist opened her eyes, she breathed out a laugh, turning away, feeling a shyness that was new to her. “Uhm, Trixie…”

“I’m sorry” the younger girl hurried to explain herself. “I… I couldn’t help it. I’m sorry.”

“Don’t apologize, it’s okay” Katya said facing her with a gentle smile that wrinkled the corners of her eyes. “It’s just that… I kinda can’t deal with this right now, you know? This art show is number one to ten on my list of priorities. I have so much at stake” the nervous look was back on her face before she reached out to hold one of Trixie’s hands. “You’re wonderful. You’re beautiful, and talented, and, honestly, very hot. But this can’t happen right now.”

Trixie sighed and nodded. This was the cutest and most gentle way she’s ever been rejected. It was silent for a moment before Katya spoke again. “Besides” that childish guilty smile appeared on her face, “I am literally forbidden to have any sort of non-professional relations with my employees. You know, Ginger is actually my partner here, she owns a part of the studio. Our contract literally says that if I break the ethics code or whatever and it harms our business, she can kick me out. I thought it was a safe idea at the time” she shrugged. “I used to be a little messy, I don’t know if you’ve heard” Trixie laughed at her cynic tone and shook her head.

“Well, yeah. She’s certainly a lot to handle. It’s weird to think you two are that close. You’re an odd couple.”

“Oh she’s a great person actually. She’s helped me a lot” Katya widened her eyes when saying that, making Trixie understand the unsaid. “If it wasn’t for her, well…” She sighed and gave Trixie’s hand a little pat “you probably wouldn’t have this place to work today, let’s say that”.

Trixie’s heart fell a little at the sound of that. Katya looked at her fondly and sighed, giving a last squeeze to her hand before letting go and turning to her laptop. “So… I’m gonna try to perfect this. Although I’m sure it can’t look as good as you, Barbie in The Nutcracker.”

The dancer got up laughing, comically twirling and bowing. “Okay, I’m gonna take these shoes off cause it actually hurts” she walked to the door, smiling at Katya one more time before disappearing out of the room.

–

The studio looked like a whole new place once it was ready for the big day. All the messy work stations were replaced by the beautiful art pieces, meticulously placed around the huge shared room. It was all so clean and organized the place almost looked like a museum.

Katya’s “shadow dancer” was placed in an improvised room made of black curtain walls. Right next to it was a three-canvas panel she painted, starting with a silhouette surrounded by shadows, then it caught on fire on the second part, and ended surrounded by a blissful blue-cream-green aura. Trixie saw it as auto-biographic, the artist’s view of her own journey through an agitated life.

Trixie made sure to be the best assistant ever in that night. She helped Katya escape when she needed a smoke break, made sure Katya had eaten properly during the day, reassured her a thousand times that everything was great, but also stepped away when Alaska appeared. Trixie watched from a distance as the two talked and laughed, doing her best to stay focused on her job – that’s what Katya needed her to do.

She took the time to walk around and appreciate everybody’s work. Detox had found a way sculpt tiny women on lipsticks, and a bunch of tiny smiley faces out of colorful pills. “Fucking genius”, Trixie whispered to the sculptor that stood next to her creations and gave her a wink and a smile back.

Of course the press showed up. Tatianna made sure to call everyone. Even though they expected for more people to come, the house was pretty full. And of course every single person with a camera photographed Katya and Alaska together. A thousand times. Trixie took a mental note to shield herself from all the gossip and speculation that was gonna inevitably surface on the next day. She also hoped to, somehow, shield Katya from that too. She put all of her hopes into that one night, into her art. This was too important to be messed up by the media’s bullshit.

About an hour later, Trixie had made sure to treat everyone wonderfully and say great things about Katya’s work around the reporters and critics, she finally saw Alaska saying goodbye. The skinny blonde hugged and kissed Katya on her cheeks, strutting out the door like she was on the runway. There was something off about her that Trixie simply didn’t get. She waited until Katya was by herself again and approached her with a bottle of iced water.

“Thought you might need this.”

“My guardian angel!” Katya clutched the bottle next to her chest before taking a big gulp. “What do you think? Did we do well?” she looked around with hopeful eyes and smiled at Trixie.

“Yeah! You killed it! Everyone seems really happy with the whole thing! Besides, I made sure to let some people hear me talk about what a great artist and person you are. You’re welcome” Trixie fluttered her eyelashes and followed Katya when she started laughing.

They were very tired. It had been such a stressful and busy day, all they wanted was to go home. “Don’t let Ginger hear me”, Katya leaned in to Trixie’s shoulder, closing her eyes “but I don’t think this would have worked without you, Barbie. Thank you so much”. The taller girl put an arm around her and gave her a little reassuring squeeze. She wasn’t strong enough to stop her smile form spreading across her face. And she wasn’t bothered by the cloud of butterflies that danced inside of her.

–

In the morning, Trixie woke up earlier than she expected by her phone ringing. Squinting to the screen she was confused to see Ginger’s name. “Hello?”

“Trixie!” The manager’s raspy voice sounded alarmed. “Have you seen it yet?”

“What? I just woke up, what’s going on, Ginger?”

“Oh shit, okay” She breathed in and spoke angrier than Trixie had ever heard her. “These fucking vultures again. They crushed her, Trixie. It’s bad.”

“Huh? What are you-” she stopped herself when she realized what Ginger meant. Oh no. “The press? What did they say?”

“What didn’t they say? They read her style, then the fucking Alaska bullshit all over again, some dickhead made sure to have a whole throwback explaining every bad thing that ever involved Katya before.”

Trixie was wide awake and low key freaking out now. This was worse than she could have predicted. “But what about the exhibition? Her pieces? It was so good!”

“Oh honey, the two lines someone bothered to write about art have the word mediocre in them.” Fucking hell. “And, Trixie, someone mentioned you.”

“What?!”

“Okay, you need to catch up on this. Please have in mind they’re a piece of shit, okay? But I need your help right now. Katya won’t shut up about you, I think it would be good for her to see you.”

“Uhm… okay” Trixie answered, her head spinning with that much information at once. She was mentioned? Katya wanted to see her?

“I’m sending a few links to your e-mail. Text me your address, I’ll call a taxi to pick you up.”

“Alright, alright. I’m gonna change then. See you soon.”

Trixie quickly typed and sent the address, and ran to her closet, shoving the first pink dress she found over her head. She put her hair in a pony tail and brushed her teeth, then went to the front of the building to wait for the car. While she waited, she opened the first link Ginger had sent. It was some website dedicated to celebrity gossip. A full gallery of pictures showed Katya and Alaska talking and laughing together, followed by images of Alaska’s loving goodbye. The text was filled with things like “the popstar seems to still have a soft spot for the heartbreaker” and “Katya’s fashion sense mirrors her career: gone”.

The anger grew in Trixie with every line she read. After all the work Katya put into rehabilitating herself and creating her art, building a whole new path from scratch, there they were, treating her like a joke again. She could only imagine how Katya would be feeling right now. The thought made her stomach turn. Thank God Ginger was there.

Then she saw it. A “pop culture” session on a news website talked about how “Katya’s attempt to be ‘cool’ again” was “a total #fail”, then proceeded to say how she probably flirted her way into her own art show. “The new victim of Katya’s charm seems to be her own assistant, a barely legal blondie, who spent her every breath declaring her love for the retired actress.”

This was not how she imagined her media debut at all. They didn’t even bother to say her name. She was just a groupie, a young bimbo hanging around the adults. Trixie felt sick. When the taxi pulled over, she immediately climbed into the backseat and closed her eyes, her hands over her face. What the hell is happening right now?

–

Katya was sat on the floor of her bedroom’s balcony, legs dangling over the edge. Tens of cigarette butts surrounded her, along with a few bottles of beer and a joint. It wasn’t as bad of a relapse as one would expect of her, but she drank nonetheless. Ginger had come and gone to check on her a thousand times, now pacing and making phone calls downstairs.

She couldn’t be more of a failure right now. All of her work, worthless. Her sobriety, gone. Her career, over. She let everyone down, all of her friends. Ginger, Alaska, Trixie. Fuck, she even dragged that poor girl into this. Trixie helped her so much, she even inspired Katya’s favorite piece – her ballerina. But she disappointed her too.

She was always a meteor, burning too bright. A motherfucking shooting star. And now she was going down. Katya looked up to the peaceful neighborhood, pretty homes filled with pretty people and their pretty lives. She didn’t belong there. In fact, she didn’t belong anywhere. She reached for the half burned joint that was abandoned by her side and was about to light it, when she heard a knock on the door. When she looked, the tears that had fallen for hours came back to her puffed, red eyes.

Trixie walked in slowly, closing the door behind her. The sight of Katya in pieces on the floor made her heart break. When she noticed the bottles and what Katya was holding between her fingers, she knew what Ginger meant by it’s bad.

“Hey” she stepped closer and sat on the floor next to Katya, avoiding the cigarette butts. “Ginger thought I should come by… she said you were talking about me.”

“That fucking snitch” Katya joked, but her lips didn’t hold a smile. She sighed and looked at the girl, seeing her pretty face clear of make up for the first time. She was beautiful. She was crying again and that made her feel stupid, but she was too tired to try to hold it now. “I’m so sorry, Trixie.”

“Katya, no. Why are you apologizing to me? Hey” she wiggled closer to take Katya’s hands into hers, rubbing circles with her fingers to calm her a little. “What they’re doing to you… it’s horrible. It’s all kinds of wrong. You don’t deserve this, Katya.”

The older woman crawled into Trixie’s arms and held her, looking even smaller while she cried. “I’m done, Trixie. This is it, I have no back up plan. This was my only hope, I’m back to zero now.”

Trixie held her close and felt a warm tear roll down her cheek. “Don’t say that, please. You have no idea how good you are. Can I show you something?”

Katya pulled back to look into her bright blue eyes, recalling the last time she heard Trixie say those words. “What?”

“Okay, first, let’s get out of this floor, ok? Come on” she got up and helped Katya stand, pulling her by the hands to the bed inside. Trixie sat with her back against the headboard, inviting Katya to lay on her lap. While she stroke the woman’s curly hair, she tapped on her phone and began reading.

“The Zamo Studio is a collection of unique talents, and tonight’s event made it clear. It’s a great experience to watch these minds work their crafts to build such amazing pieces. Katya’s perspective of the world is showcased in her new take on the arts. She presents her journey, her heavens and her hell, in the form of colors, shape, light and shadow. It gives a heart some hope to see her talent finally flourish and set her soul free. She truly is a force to be reckoned – but of course I’ve always known this.”

“What’s this?” Katya whispered.

“This is Phi Phi O'Hara’s blog. And the girl has got a lot of hits, let me tell you.”

“Really?” Katya looked up, her puffy eyes surprised.

“Yeah. Her readers are almost all supporters too. A bunch of nice comments.”

“That’s nice” a small smile appeared on her face, and Trixie felt a drop of relief fall on her heart.

“Also, do you remember Miss Alyssa Edwards?”

“Do I remember? Working with her was the only thing that made those stupid teenage movies fun. Best choreographer in the world.”

“Well, seems like she’s your fan too, because she tweeted about how sorry she was for not being able to come by last night because of work, but she misses you and is really proud. Then she proceeded to virtually shout at every hater that tried to talk shit about you to her.”

“Oh my God” Katya finally let a laugh out, seating up. “She’s really something. I need to call her and say thanks.” She tucked her hair behind her ear and stared at Trixie, searching for something in her eyes. “How do you do this?”

“What?”

“You talked me down. Again. You just come in and do this thing and I feel better. How does this happen?”

Trixie blushed and looked away, knowing there was nothing to hide her flushed cheeks this time. She shrugged and smiled shyly, a word she didn’t want to think about fluttered in her mind. “You just have to remember that you are loved, okay? And it’s gonna be alright. The right people are rooting for you. Do what you do best and give these assholes your middle finger. You deserve better, Katya.”

Katya laughed weakly and sat closer to Trixie, only the gray tones left in her eyes. “I’m sorry you got caught up in this.”

“Don’t worry” the girl smiled and shook her head, the sweet smell of her hair dancing around Katya and making her blood pressure rise.

“Thank you, thank you, Trixie” she almost whispered, leaning closer, her hand running up to rest on Trixie’s jaw.

“Katya” the girl breathed shakily, seeing the woman with her eyes closed, their noses lightly touching, “no. Ginger is downstairs, she’s gonna kill you.”

“I don’t care.”

“I care” she saw Katya wasn’t backing down, but there were too many emotions being mixed in that moment. “Katya, what are you doing?” She took the hand that was cupping her face and held it down, looking into the gray eyes intently.

“I’m trying to feel something, Trixie. I’ve always felt like my heart was broken even if I’ve never fallen in love before. I don’t know what I’m doing with my life anymore. I don’t know why I like to be close to you. I’m not trying to figure it out right now. I’m just trying to fucking kiss you.”

Trixie felt the air evaporate from her lungs. “Katya, you can’t throw a word like love around like this. You wanna get in my pants? By all means, I’d be glad. But, please, don’t play me with these words, okay?”

“No, no, you don’t understand” Katya shook her head, frustrated at how she couldn’t get through Trixie’s wall. “It’s not like that.”

“Then how is it? What do you want from me, Katya?”

The cold fingers held Trixie’s face again, bright blue and gray eyes starring at each other.

“Everything. I want everything, Trixie.”

#trixya #trixie mattel #katya zamolodchikova #angst #cisgirl au #evol #victhirteen #ginger minj #tw swearing #tw alcohol #tw drugs #tw depression #rpdr fanfiction #submission #lesbian au

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