#and its the shortest little terms. but you know. im doing it

[fatasticfeedernurse]

Acceptance

Im really glad you are coming into terms with yourself! Yes, you are a huge glutton, a depraved fatso who cannot by satisfied by normal quantities of food. But thats okay! There is no need to restrain yourself any longer...not now that everyone knows the truth about you.

So go ahead, take another bite, try to walk as little as possible. Be the lazy slob you were born to turn into. No one expects anything from you any longer other than seeing how much lard you can pack into your body in the shortest amount of time.

You can even ignore your own growing concerns. The ones about how hard is getting to move. About how your knees hurt and your feet are sore.

Dont worry, you know you aint loosing the weight. So sink deeper, its what everyone knows will happen, so just do it and save us the side show.

Now that you have accepted your true nature, lets double size your order and add 4 extra orders of fries~ Today you feast

[also-fours]

power rangers has been going thirty seasons strong, or at least it will have been by the time cosmic fury makes its debut in fall, where the longest running team of rangers since mighty morphin return with (almost) completely original suits, the shortest episode list to date, and facing off against one of the original big bads of the show, lord zedd

in the same year, mighty morphin power rangers returns for the once and always special, where quite a few of the rangers from that team's roster face off against a robotic doppelganger of rita repulsa

there were some interesting set photos for once and always, showing an "S.P.A." while in cosmic fury, the rangers go to space to chase after lord zedd

i think its time for a change after we're done here

we're getting very close to closing that gap in the timeline, making a full series worth of ranger teams that lead to the one at the very end of the timeline, that being SPD

...technically hyperforce is at the end of the timeline because that takes place 16 years after time force, which was in the year 3000, but i wanna be realistic and say we probably wont get yearly power rangers seasons for the next a little under one thousand years

so realistically, this is the best place to close the gap on everything

i feel like now is a good time to end live-action power rangers and start going animated

believe me, i love the show the way it is, and i love dino fury so far, i'm quite a few episodes in as i write this, but i think it's time for things to change

yes, they can technically keep going with what they have now, adapting sentai zords while making new suits for the american audience, they *could* do that

but i feel like live action is a bit too restrictive for a series like power rangers in terms of the budget that these shows usually get

im guessing cosmic fury is gonna be a cut above the rest because they have less episodes to work with and said they wanna take risks, but i feel like power rangers could really benefit from going animated, preferably 2D

that eliminates the problems of having to fly your actors everywhere, not being able to bring back characters because they couldnt make it or didnt want to go or are dead, the amount of places you can go being restricted by the sentai footage or the very fact that all of the original footage is filmed in new zealand, *and* you can hire professional voice actors to put in work for this

we absolutely could've gotten an accurate adaptation of shattered grid, but only if it was animated because there is no goddamn way they'd be getting back that many actors to reprise their roles, or put that much money into the amount of battles or set design, unless they gave the show a huge budget like game of thrones or something

i feel like, with power rangers seemingly closing the gap on its timeline, bringing back original cast members and the like, it's time to put an end to the story that quite a few of us have been following for almost thirty years

give us an animated adaptation of the comics, or an anthology animated series that has different arcs about different ranger teams, or a completely new ranger team, with animation, there's nothing you *can't* have your characters do or nowhere you can't have your characters go

granted if they're not given a good budget it could look similar to one's ass, like modern marvel cartoons, but if we're lucky, we could get something like rise of the tmnt or invincible in terms of animation quality

yes, i know, making it animated would take away what makes power rangers such a stand out show in the midst of TV nowadays, but i feel like tradition shouldn't be kept simply because of uniqueness or because it's been that way for so long

[eluminium]

I posted 1,473 times in 2022

That's 1,184 more posts than 2021!

137 posts created (9%)

1,336 posts reblogged (91%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@bucket-of-amethyst

@the-king-of-lemons

@impulsesv-but-everywhere

@luigra

@eluminium

I tagged 1,105 of my posts in 2022

Only 25% of my posts had no tags

#dose of impulse - 535 posts

#dose of skizz - 272 posts

#dose of bdubs - 81 posts

#impulsesv - 63 posts

#el rambleth - 51 posts

#dose of tfc - 43 posts

#el answereth - 36 posts

#dose of gem - 35 posts

#dose of tango - 33 posts

#double life spoilers - 32 posts

Longest Tag: 139 characters

#i love grian as much as anyone else but honestly i'd rather not have him be involved in any resistence plot because we've already done that

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

appearently Joe said "maybe ive been instructed to make a sign to passively-aggressively shame impulse. no im just kidding i dont think impulse does drugs" in response to someone asking them about the "Winners don't do drugs" King Ren screen on the arcade. Which, while hilarious on its own, just made me think of like, soup group seeing that screen.

Like they see the king ordering them not to do something??? He dare extend his authority like this???? Well no king can tell THEM what to do!

Cue a meetup at the little research office in Pearls mushroom where Impulse is crying on the floor because he can't roll a blunt right, (Grian and Ren rolled all his blunts in the Hippie era, his hands were and are too big and clumsy for this) Pearl is trying to mix weed into a soup they're gonna give to the king but shes not familiar with the plant either so shes also struggling, and Gem is blazing it up with absolutely no problem. Shes a nature Elf, how the fuck did the others ever think she didn't know her way around plants like these

(weed is also legal in Canada. Its not in Australia but it IS in Arizona. Impulse is knowledgeable about the drug its just been so long since the Hippie days, hes been too much of a good boy lately. Hes lost the little blunt rolling skills he had :[ he was bragging about it to Gem and Pearl too and now hes made a fool out of himself :[[[)

Shoutout to @potionofinstantdamage for reporting that Joe quote and indirectly causing me to create this post.

527 notes - Posted September 16, 2022

#4

Useless Facts about ImpulseSV: the post

Welcome to “Useless Facts about Impulse”. The title says it all. I am Eluminium, that one fuck who decided to watch every single Impulse hermitcraft season and actually fucking did it, and I have a bunch of completely useless knowledge from it now. AND I SHALL SHARE IT WITH YOU SO YOU TOO MAY ALSO BE ENLIGHTENED! Also cuz i’m bored as shit (Btw i’ll probably keep adding onto this post as I remember or gain more useless knowledge) People who’ve blessed this post with more facts: @bucket-of-amethyst  @tsukinouta  LET THE FACTS BEGIN! First addition of facts: August 7th 2022

-Out of every single base Impulse has constructed on Hermitcraft, 3 and a half of them have featured water as a major design element. These would be the City of Atlantis (S5), iBay (S6), The Pyramid (S7), and the half is his “starter base” temple (S3).  (I count it as a half because he spent a considerable amount of time designing it but it isn’t his main base so to say.) -Impulse has two seasons of Hermitcraft that are the exact same lenght in terms of episodes, these being S3 and S4, both having 57 episodes. -Impulse’s longest season is S6 with 113 episodes, and his shortest is S8 with 35 episodes -Out of every base Impulse has built, only 2 of them do not feature his logo on the inside or outside in it’s final design. These are iBay (S6) and The Pyramid (S7)

-Impulse is shorter then Bdubs IRL. Bdubs claims to be 5′10 while Impulse claims to be 5′8. This makes fanon extremely hilarious

-In S4, the safe rooms Impulse and Tango constructed in the Wither Skeleton farm were called “The Sissy Room”, but only for one episode. After that it’s never mentioned again.

-Impulse’s wife (Ms. Impulse) has never touched Minecraft because she’s an interior designer and would most likely disappear off the face of the Earth if she ever let herself play the game. It hasn’t stopped Impulse from trying a few times though.

-Impulse has a habit of biting off more than he can chew. In 4 out of 7 seasons he’s been in there have been obvious projects that were never finished. These are in order: The roof of his and Tango’s shared Mega Base (S3), A fair amount of The City of Atlantis (S5), The missing farms on the Phinias Board (S7) and the interior of The Candy Factory (S8)

-Impulse’s current keyboard (At the time of writing) was custom made by his son

-In both S3 and S7, Impulse used the exact same floor desgin and armor stand gimmick for his Patreon Monument.

-One of the reasons Impulse and Skizzleman remain such close friends today was because he found a book on networking on Skizz’s bedroom floor when they were both looking to go to a new collage. They both went to the same Networking class after Impulse suggested it and have been glued together ever since. -They absolutely hated that networking class though

-Impulse has had 4 piercings in total. One in the tongue, one eyebrow one, one nipple, and one in the ear. Both the eyebrow one and the nipple one were taken out after they got caught on various zippers, and the ear one was something he did together with his drumline. None of them survived to the present day though.

-Impulse has sold enchanting related things in 4 out of 7 seasons (S4 S5 S6 S9)

-Impulse used to be completely bald and beardless until he grew out his hair and a beard for a No Shave November challange and people said it fit him. He hasn’t returned to baldness since that (At the time of writing) -Every since their introduction, Impulse always carries a totem on him. Although he has a resource pack that makes the totem invisible in first person so it won’t block up the screen as much.

-His Guardian Goodies shop building in S7 is an exact replica of a Guardian “shop” (everything was free) xB designed in S3

-Impulse has won every single “How to Kill” compitition, and with the exact same concept to boot. In “How to Kill a Doc” he made a bunch of traps that looked like the final blow but weren’t, instead having the killing strike be deliver by Impulse himself. In “How to Kill a Tango” he did the exact same thing, although the final blow should have been delt by a Magma Cube instead. Both of these killing machines also share similar surprises. Both involve fire charges (One from dispensers, one from a live Ghast), anvil launchers and TNT. If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it i suppose?

-Impulse actually bought the “copyright rights” to the “i” brand from Iskall in S6 so he could keep iTrade open without confusion. Never got something similar from iJevin thought.

-When S6 updated to the villager update, Impulse managed to obtain a glitched Farmer Villager who never locked up his trades no matter how much you traded with him. Although he did lose a fair amount of villagers in iTrade too, so it was more a soul for a soul.

-The only season Impulse was part of that never had Elytras was ironically S3, the one with amplified terrain.

-The first time Impulse properly tested out the Elytra, it lagged so bad he died from fall damage by falling into Xisumas Guardian Farm. The elytra refused to open.

-Impulse and Tango has had an agreement since Impulse joined in S3 that they can take certain resources from each other’s storages and farms without asking before hand. They call this “Mi casa, Ti casa” or “My house, your house”.

-In 4 out of 7 seasons, Impulse has had at least one entire video that centers around either a request from xB, or featuring xB himself. (S3 S4 S5 S7)

-The “SV” in impulseSV could be read as “impulsive” but it actually stands for Impulse’s IRL initials

-Impulse was introduced to Minecraft via his son, who wanted to get into gaming. Impulse mostly played shooters but he didn’t want his kid to play those types of games at his age, so a coworker suggested Minecraft. Although his kid didn’t know anything about the game, so he had to hop on and learn too.

-Impulse plays Minecraft with an inverted mouse. This is because he got so used to flying helicopters in various shooters it made more sense to his brain that dragging the mouse down means up, and pushing it up means down.

-Impulse started out as a fan of Tango’s until he learned that he and Tango are pretty similar in age and in video style. So he e-mailed Tango about a collab and he accepted. Later they learned they lived incredibly close to each other and went out for some “sodas” (aka BEERS). The rest is history.

-The name Impulse along with the black and yellow colour scheme is something Impulse stole from his drumcore’s name and colour scheme. His favourite colour is actually purple.

-Impulse and Skizz live in the same neighbourhood (at the time of writing)

Second addition of facts 9th of August 2022

-Impulse has a dog (specifically a Border Collie) named Prim and a cat named Luna. Luna was a gift for his older daughter. Impulse wasn’t the biggest fan of cats until his wife got one, and he fell in love as well.

-He and Skizz have been best friends for over 25 years (at the time of writing)

See the full post

818 notes - Posted August 7, 2022

#3

“There’s only two genders, MCC winner and non MCC winner” well damn Impulse congrats on your transition!!!! 

1,253 notes - Posted November 18, 2022

#2

Impulse: does an entire week of recording, including two videos, one of which for a major server event, and then an entire 4 hour livestream that was an EVEN BIGGER server event WHILE SICK ENOUGH THAT HE SKIPPED AN ENTIRE WEEK OF STREAMING

Impulse, the day after:

Oh wow. How did this happen. What a mystery. (Affectionate)

1,747 notes - Posted October 24, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

IMPULSE JUST CHUCKED THE QUEST RULEBOOK INTO THE OFFERINGS PIT LIVE AND DECLARED ANARCHY  HES DOING IT. HE’S GOING OFF HIS ROCKER! IT’S ALL I’VE EVER ASKED FOR-

2,367 notes - Posted August 22, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[sonianvmd]

thh characters with a crush on you

warnings: none, maybe some swearing but otherwise nothing major

oH and mentions of murder and death but this is danganronpa so im going to assume u expected as much

a/n: so we kickin this blog off with a bang, writing for LITERALLY THE ENTIRE TRIGGER HAPPY HAVOC CAST LMFAOAOAOAO (excluding hifumi, yasuhiro, and the two despairs doe bc i’ve already made that clear)

also some character’s sections are shorter than others im sorry i just couldnt think of as many bullet points for them *tiktok cry emoji*

edit: I FORGOT CELSESTE FU K SORRY

spoilers under the cut!!

★ 彡 ★ ミ ★ 彡 ★ ミ ★

makoto naegi

when he realizes he likes you, he doesn’t necessarily panic or anything, but he does get nervous

nervous around you, that is

y’all saw how he was with sayaka

if he says anything that might sound intimate then he’ll immediately rephrase it or reassure he didn’t mean anything by it

he really only does have good intentions but his wording just kinda flops sometimes

he appreciates how you listen to him and value what he says

you don't make him feel dumb or inferior compared to a bunch of ultimates with actual talents

he’ll muster up the courage to tell you eventually

let’s hope his luck comes through 😁

byakuya togami

now when THIS man realizes he likes you, he a bitch nigga bout it 😐

he can't believe he fell for a common plebeian such as you

but it was hard not to

the way you preferred to get to the point

the way you were aware of your situation and didn't sugarcoat how you felt about it, although you certainly were nicer with it than him

he's ruthless

anyways

you knew your priorities and spent no time trying to use your resources

he noticed how much you had in common; in you, he saw himself

and we all know how this mf feels about himself 😐

he’ll be quick to defend you in class trials

he won’t realize he’s doing it but he just subconsciously protects you

but just because he doesn't notice it, don't mean the rest of the class brushes past it as well

yeah they on his ass LMFAOO

kyoko kirigiri

kyoko is very good at keeping her composure so she won’t be very obvious

she’ll probably just hang around you more

she’ll also defend you in class trials, calmly

“oh, it couldn’t have been [name]. i remember seeing them in their dorm around the time the murder took place.”

hifumi probably finna say some dumb shit like “aye what was you doin in their dorm doe” but anyways

she finds you respectable

if you have anything to contribute, she’ll let you take the floor

when she tells you, she’s very composed, but also very indirect LMFAO

she’s not too sure on how to express her interest in you but maybe she’ll go about it like “well, [name], now we’ve made it here, would you like to step back into the world with me?” or somethin else along those lines idk

take her hand

pls

toko fukawa

y’all know her whole “master togami” shtick

yeah so 😁😁😁😁

no but fr, toko ofc still has her borderline stalkerish 🧍🏾‍♀️ tendencies

she’ll often find herself staring at you, either in the library or in the morning meetings everyday at breakfast

but she isn’t as straight forward as she is with byakuya

i actually think she’d be mad shy and non confrontational

the whole thing she kept up with him ? yeah, never again

if you approach her first then she’ll be able to get a few words out but for most of the conversation, she’ll just nervously play with her braids

you’ll most likely put two and two together

unless ur a makoto kinnie bc then you’ll have to wait till someone else puts it in place for u but anyways

if you decide to approach her about it, you’ll kinda be backing her into a corner bc she’s just bad at deflecting things lmao

she’ll eventually confess (begrudgingly but hey i mean its better than nothing)

expect much stuttering and a gesture like giving you a small gift

and not to be that writer that uses japanese terms in english writing but toko seems like a tsundere but not really if that makes sense?? so she’d probably shove it in your hands and if you try to say something then she’ll just try to play it off as not a big deal lol

calls u a baka 😍😍

aoi asahina

i know y’all all see how she is with sakura

yeah.

aoi is the kind of person who’d like to spend time with their crush rather than shy away from them

she values you and your friendship very much

bring her donuts

just trust me bring her donuts

she doesn’t really realize she’s into you like that for a while but believe me, she is, the whole time

and yeah i think she’d be nervous to tell you bc that’s just natural but ultimately she’d be cool about it

uh oh looks like we goin for a swim

sakura ogami

similar to kyoko, she’s very calm

despite her big and bad appearance, she really is a sweet girl

she cares for you and your well-being very much

will indeed go on x games mode for you

the way she tells you is very sincere and well spoken

kith her

naow

im sorry this is like the shortest one i couldn’t think of much for her 😔😔

leon kuwata

flirtatious ass mf

and he’s lightskin

so this just cannot go well

y’all know that bit where it’s like the guy yawns and stretches his arms up and then wraps one around your shoulder

yeah that’s literally him LMFAOO

he’s very confident

he was fairly well known with the ladies at his old school so you know he’s rhockin wit it ‼️

but

you feel.. different than usual ??

those girls were just lil flings n dates bc he was nice enough to accept their confessions and it boosted his ego anyway so it was a win win

but you

he was genuinely interested in you since he had saw you the first time

he didn’t just acknowledge your appearance

he learnt about your personality and your hobbies and what you liked and such, and he really cared and wanted to hear you talk about it all

he felt the need to really make an effort to show you how much he respected and had affections for you

he doesn't tell you in a grand way

probably just asks you out to a movie or somethin

he's chillin

mondo owada

you know

for being the biggest, baddest, most respected biker gang leader

or just for being in a biker gang period

mondo’s a huge softie lol

yeah he gets violent but he’s a sweet guy who cares about and is loyal to his friends

so mfs need to be nice to you

or they gettin whooped

when he decides it’s time to tell you how he feels, he thinks over his words and he’s all confident there’s no way you’d reject him but then he sees you in the halls and goes 🧍🏾 LMFAOOO

he’ll push through but it’s like he’ll walk up to you and look away from you because he refuses eye contact and just go

“so y/n, would you wanna.. tch.. come to a drive-in movie with me or somethin’?... dumbass.”

real smooth mondo i think you got em good job

please tease him LMFAOO it’d be so funny

he’d probably yell but you can tell he’s not mad so you just keep going with it

but once you’re done tormenting him, you do agree to the movie, don’t worry 🙏🏾

also mondo would call his s/o doll

that is all

chihiro fujisaki

my fav dude in a dress <3

chihiro would be quite shy, but that’s just how he is tbh so no surprise there

he’s very kind so he’d check up on you often just to see how you are

he cares about you v much

the way he confesses is one that consists of a red face as he offers you a box of candy or something similar

and he’d feel honored that you reciprocate his feelings

he’d be very scared to tell you his secret but once he does, he’s delighted to hear it doesn’t make any difference to you

he doesn’t know how he got so lucky with you

not only because woooo they like me back but also because you like him despite,, well everything about him LMFAOO

sweet lil boy

i’d feel like he’d talk about you to alter ego a lot

and when u meet the program for the first time, he’s like “oh! you must be [name]! master’s told me all about you :)”

sobbing i miss him

kiyotaka ishimaru

okay here’s the thing

if taka were to like someone

i can’t tell whether he’d be more strict because he doesn’t want them to get in trouble (and also so it would hopefully divert any suspicion that he DOES like you since he treats you the same as everyone else, only more)

or if he’d hold back more because he favors them LMFAOO

so imma write a lil bit for both

in the case that he was even stricter:

he’d prefer to be around you because he believes the best way he can make sure you stay out of trouble is to make sure you don’t get into any in the first place

of course it’s impossible to monitor you every second of every day but he does his best to make sure you’re doing well

if he sees you do anything out of line, he’s shutting that shit down IMMEDIATELY

but in the case he let up:

he’d still lecture you but noticeably less than the other students

if your feet were resting on top of a desk, he’d ask you to move them and then leave you alone rather than yell at you and forcibly move them himself

if you notice his behavior towards you in comparison to the other students do not tease him about it he will go as red as his eyes /hj

either way he’s confessing to you with a polite but exaggerated bow while holding out a well thought out letter with both hands

sayaka maizono

she will tell you

idk why but i feel like she’d be straight up lol

she’d make sure she’s sincere

she is the ultimate pop idol and all so she wants to make sure you know that she really does like you and isn’t playing a sick joke on you or anything

ok bc

while i do think she’d tell you

i’d feel like she’d be a little indirect just to see how you feel

like she’d give you a free ticket to one of her upcoming concerts with a kind smile

and naturally, you're like :o

and of course you come to support her

and seeing you smile at her from the crowd and cheer her on was the encouragement she needed to push her to ask you out

for real this time

she asks if you wanna come to a concert with her and ur like “oh yeah i love ur shows!!” bc ur dumb and then she’s like “no i mean.. for another artist” and eventually it hits you that she’s asking you out and ur like “oH YEAH YEAH SURE THAT SOUNDS GREAT YEAH OK” LMFAOO

———

i really hope that this is good LMFAOO this is my first time writing for dr so 😃👍🏾

fun fact i finished toko’s section first and taka’s last 😁😁

and i’d like to thank @mius-imagination @bloodygir n the rest of the discord for helping me figure some of these characters out *simultaneously whips and nae naes*

bye ive been working on this for like weeks this took forever

———

edit: here’s a deleted section bc i kept blanking for this character 😍

[watchmegetobsessed]

TO LOVE AND BELOVED - Part Five (Harry Styles)

a/n: ahh idk why but writing this part took me forever! but its finally here and i can’t wait to see your thoughts on it! i was debating for a long time if part 5 should be the last one, but then i decided to add another part, bc there are two more things i want to include in the story and i couldn’t squeeze them into this part, it’s already the longest so far, so we have one more part left of the story! also, a little warning that part 6 might take a little longer than the prev parts bc im a little behind with my schedule but it’ll try my best!

pairing: CEO!Dad!Harry X Reader

warning: mentions of death, cheating and divorce, sexual content

word count: 12k

SERIES MASTERPOST masterlist

You’ve been feeling like a teenager sneaking around her parents these past weeks. Only that you’re an adult and the parent you are trying to keep your secret romance hidden from is a four year old little girl.

Your birthday was a turning point in your evolving relationship with Harry. Like a wall has been brought down and he finally started reaching out to you. It feels like with every passing day you’re getting closer to him and you can see the progress he’s been making thanks to his therapy sessions and how much he is trying to make a change himself as well.

Stolen kisses and tiny touches have been a usual in your every days whenever Izzy was out of sight for the shortest second. You’ve realized that Harry is an affectionate person, he likes to keep you close and he never fails to bring passion into the tiniest kisses.

With Izzy around 24/7 it’s been hard to find time when it’s just the two of you, but you’ve been waking up early in the morning just to spend that twenty minutes alone with Harry while he drinks his coffee. Sometimes you just sit in silence, trying to wake up for the day ahead of you but sometimes he talks your ears off about anything and everything. In the evening, when Izzy is already sleeping the two of you usually wind off together in the living room or watch a movie in the entertainment room, just enjoying some alone time. It’s not much, but more than nothing and you’ve grown very fond of these little moments with him.

Nothing more has happened than just kissing. Despite the progress Harry has made so far you can tell he still has quite a few conflicts buried deep inside him and you definitely don’t want to rush him into anything he is not ready for. Some cuddling on the couch or short but passionate make out sessions in a corner while Izzy is not paying attention, you haven’t gone further than this.

Now it’s the last day before Izzy leaves to Harry’s mum for the week. He is dropping her off Sunday afternoon and it will leave the two of you alone for seven full days. Well, Harry still has to work during the day, but from the moment he’ll get home, it’s just gonna be you and him.

You had to make a few phone calls so you’ve been locked in your room for a while now. When you come down you find your favorite father-daughter duo on the couch, some kind of Barbie movie playing on the TV, but Izzy is busy with something else. She’s got her water based flooring pens scattered around her, Harry’s tattooed arm laying across her lap as she is coloring the patterns as if it was her favorite coloring book. Before they could notice you, you run back to your room and grab your polaroid camera and returning you snap a picture of the adorable scene. The shutter of the camera makes Harry’s head snap in your way, a smile tugging on his lips.

“Hey,” he softly greets you. You put the camera and the photo aside to the cupboard near you before joining them on the couch.

“Hi Y/N! Look!” Izzy beams happily, pointing at Harry’s ship tattoo that is now fully colored with yellows, pinks and blues.

“It looks better this way,” you smirk down at her before your eyes meet with Harry’s over her head, smiling at you softly.

Making yourself comfortable next to them, you watch Izzy work on more of his tattoos and you find it such a heartwarming scene, you want to remember it forever. Harry Styles, such an influential, successful and serious businessman, sitting on the couch in his loungewear while his daughter is using his tattooed skin as her personal coloring book. He really is a wonderful human being and the best dad to his daughter.

“Y/N, do you have any tattoos?” Izzy asks, turning to you with curious eyes.

“I actually do,” you answer and you see Harry’s eyebrows shoot up in surprise.

“You really do?” he asks, his head resting on the back of the couch, turned to face you.

“Yeah,” you nod with a soft chuckle.

“Where?” Izzy asks perking up at the new information.

“Um, it’s right here,” you tell her pointing at the side of your hips, covered with your sweatpants.

“Can I color them?” she asks innocently, but Harry is quick to react.

“Izzy, you’re being a little too nosy,” he warns her as always, and she looks at you with a pouty look.

“It’s fine. Um, yeah, you can color it,” you nod.

Sliding lower on the couch you roll down the waistband of your pants until the tattoo is revealed on the side. You catch Harry’s eyes wander over the skin you are now showing and you can see a slight blush tinting his cheeks. He hasn’t seen this part of your body uncovered yet, he hasn’t even seen you in a bathing suit so far so it’s quite the new thing.

(reference for the tattoo)

The tattoo on your side is a simple yet meaningful one, dedicated to the special bond you and Trevor share. It’s a minimalistic yet beautiful piece of two koi fishes swimming in a circle, one is left blank as while the other one is black so their formation resembles the yin-yang symbol. You got it when you turned twenty, when Trevor was just in middle school, but he promised you he would get the same design when he turns eighteen that will happen in the fall.

“That looks beautiful,” Harry breathes out with a shy smile and you notice how he doesn’t ask about the meaning behind it. Not because he is not curious but because he is insanely respectful and he doesn’t want to ask something that’s too personal.

“Thanks,” you smile at him as Izzy grabs her pens and starts coloring the blank fish.

The rest of the day goes by uneventfully, Harry is clearly trying to spend as much time with Izzy as possible before her week with his mother, but you also notice that he seems to be keeping something away from you, like he is trying to bring up something but he is not entirely sure how to start the conversation.

It’s not until Izzy is put to bed that he joins you on the couch, turning to you with a serious expression on his handsome face.

“What’s up?” you ask with a soft chuckle.

“I was thinking…”

“I could see that,” you tease him, giving his knee a playful squeeze. “I’m listening.”

“Actually there are two things I wanted to talk to you about. I’m not sure which one to ask first.” He purses his lips before sighing and moving his eyes to meet your curious gaze. “So we’re gonna be alone for the next week.”

“Mhm.”

“And I thought that… if you want to, but we don’t have to, it was just an idea—so feel free to—“

“Harry,” you cut his stuttering off, moving closer with a reassuring smile. You caress the side of his face and you notice how you lean into your touch, breathing out through his nose. “Don’t be nervous, alright? Just tell me what’s been on your mind.”

“Would you go out on a date with me?” he then asks and it’s the purest thing you’ve ever seen and heard from him. The hopeful but still nervous look in his eyes makes him appear like a little boy who is asking out his first crush in middle school, afraid of rejection, when that’s the last thing he has to think about when it comes to you, but it’s still cute.

“I would love to,” you smile at him and leaning closer you peck his lips softly. “And what’s the other thing you wanted to ask?”

“Well, I’m driving Izzy over to my mum’s early in the morning and I’m staying for lunch and… if you don’t feel like it’s too much, you could… maybe come with us.”

“You want me to meet your mum?” you ask surprised.

“Well, she wants to meet you as well, but I want you to meet her, yes,” he admits with a nervous chuckle. “Gemma has told her about you and my sister likes to be nosy so she might have added a little spice into the story about us when nothing was really going on.”

“Oh my, what does she think?” you ask with wide eyes.

“Nothing bad, don’t worry,” he assures you quickly. “She just made it seem like we are… dating and all,” he adds with a nervous smile. “But I told her that it’s… I mean that we are not there… yet.”

“Oh, okay. Well, if you really want me there, I would love to go with you.”

“Really?”

“Yeah. Would love to meet your mum.”

“I was afraid you’d find it a little early for this,” he admits truthfully and you can see that rationality in his thought. “We haven’t really… discussed what we are and I didn’t want to put the pressure on you.”

“Well, do you want to talk about us?” you ask softly, giving him the chance to decline if he feels like the conversation might be a little too much for him.

“I do, but I’m not sure… what to say,” he hums, knitting his eyebrows together. Last time I had this talk I was in my early twenties and I don’t even know how to start,” he chuckles shaking his head.

“Okay, then let’s just agree on some things,” you suggest and he eyes you curiously. “Neither of us is seeing anyone else, right?”

“Is that even a question in my situation?” he snorts, making a joke out of his issues clearly and you’re happy he is able to take it so lighthearted.

“Just clearing the air,” you chuckle. “So we are…exclusive.”

“Seems like it,” he nods.

“And you just asked me out on a date,” you point another detail out.

“I did. And you said yes,” he smiles, an excited shine in his eyes glimmering through his green irises.

“Yeah. So we can say we are dating? Seeing each other?” Harry chews on the terms you offered, tastes them before nodding slowly.

“I guess we could say that.”

“Okay. So… that’s what we are,” you smile at him, giving his knee another squeeze. This time, his hand finds yours and he runs his thumb across your knuckles.

“I think… I’m okay with that,” he breathes out and though it’s seemingly such an insignificant thing, you know how huge steps he has just taken forward.

“I liked the blue one better. With the white sweater,” Heather hums, watching you through the video call. You have your phone propped up on your dresser as you’re trying to figure out what to wear today.

Though you seemed completely unbothered last night when Harry invited you along with them, but now you can feel the slight panic. It’s not even because you and Harry are a thing now, you’d feel this way if you met his mother just as Izzy’s nanny. Grandmothers can be so protective over their grandchildren, you’ve met with quite a few problematic ones while you were working at the daycare and you just want Anne to like you, to trust you with Izzy as much as Harry does.

“Okay, blue it is then,” you sigh, pulling the yellow sundress off of yourself before putting the blue one back with a white sweater.

“So you guys are now official?” Heather grins at you through the screen. “Meeting his mother and all that?”

“Define being official,” you chuckle softly.

“Like, boyfriend-girlfriend?”

“Not yet. But we agreed to be exclusively dating.”

“I still can’t fucking believe that you’re scoring the hottest dad I’ve ever seen. You lucky bitch,” she sighs, sipping on her morning coffee.

“Me neither,” you scoff.

“I’m pretty sure if the mothers who got you fired knew, they would explode. Basically every woman was in love with the man and now you are the lucky woman actually getting him.”

“I guess this is karma for what they did,” you chuckle shrugging. “Alright, I gotta go, because we are leaving soon, but I’ll talk to you soon.”

“You better be! I want a detailed essay about how it went!” she grins, kissing the camera.

“Alright, bye!” you smile before ending the call.

When you get downstairs, Harry and Izzy are already down there, Harry is zipping up her bag while she is dancing around humming to herself.

“Baby, your backpack is still in your room. Can you please get it?” Harry asks her, Izzy nods and runs towards you, stopping in front of you.

“Hi Y/N! I like your dress!” she beams at you.

“Hi! Well thank you!” you smile at her before she runs past you up the stairs. “Hey,” you greet Harry and his eyes snap up to you, his pink lips stretching into a warm smile as he leans closer and kisses your cheek sweetly.

“Hi. You look beautiful.”

“Thank you. So, any tips for meeting your mum for the first time?” you ask, fidgeting with your fingers nervously. Harry reaches out and takes your hands between his so he stops the motion.

“You don’t need tips. I know my mum will like you, she is already so excited to meet you, so don’t worry.”

“If you say so,” you breathe out.

Harry puts Izzy’s stuff in the Rover and soon buckles her into her seat before the three of you hit the road. Harry has a whole playlist for Izzy’s favorite songs so you obviously listen to that along with Izzy’s performance of all the songs, filled with misheard lyrics, but that’s what makes it even better. The car ride is about three hours, which is not that horrible. You need just one bathroom break sometime in the middle and Izzy sleeps through the last hour in the car, allowing the two of you to finally listen to music that’s not from a kids’ show.

“Do you have a song request?” you smile over at him, scrolling through his phone since it’s the one connected to the car, but he has given you permission to play whatever you like.

“Not really.”

“You don’t have songs you like to listen to in the car?”

“Not specifically. Do you?”

“Oh, I have a whole playlist for songs to blast in the car,” you chuckle.

“Really? And what songs are on it?”

“Well, I can just show you.”

You search up your user on Spotify and find the playlist in talk before putting it on shuffle. As the first song starts to play, you peek over at him to see his reaction and you spot the smirk on his lips.

“Black Eyed Peas?” he asks glancing at you shortly.

“Yeah, you don’t like them?” you smirk at him.

“I do, I just didn’t think you listen to them,” he admits with a soft chuckle.

“Are you kidding me? They give me the biggest nostalgia! I listened to them so much as a teenager.”

“So teenage Y/N gave a concert in her bedroom, singing I Gotta Feeling?” he teases you grinning.

“Not just a concert, a whole world tour.”

There’s a short silence, just the two of you listening to the song, you watch the trees and fields rush by you as you drive down the country road. The song changes to another one and you’ve already forgotten about what you talked about, but apparently not Harry.

“What were you like as a teenager?” he asks. You turn to face him and your eyes meet for a second.

“Um, like a normal teenager,” you shrug, not sure what to say.

“There’s no such thing as a normal teenager,” Harry smiles. “What did you do, what were your favorite things?”

“I was… pretty plain, if I might say. I wasn’t a rebel or too much of a geek either. I had like three good friends, we used to hang out a lot by the little lake near our neighborhood, that was like our spot. I liked going on hikes and I watched a lot of documentaries,” you admit with a small smile.

“What kind?”

“I don’t know, anything that was on,” you shrug. “My mom had this phase where she was trying to act like she was just like all the other mom’s from my school, but they were all at least a decade older than her. She was trying to prove that she was this mature, very serious woman who had her shit together and all that.”

“And she didn’t?” Harry asks peeking at you shortly.

“I mean, she did. She turned thirty when I was twelve. Most women barely just got married and started their family at that age but she had been married for eight years and had a middle schooler and a baby already. She really was mature but I could tell that she felt like she lost her twenties because of… me.”

Sighing you think back to the years when you often felt like a burden to your mom. She gave up a lot of things just to give you the life she imagined for you. She worked her ass off to raise you and later Trevor as well, have a career and do all the works around the house. Your dad was working a lot of night shifts, there were entire weeks when you barely even saw him. You don’t blame him, he was trying to provide for his family, but it’s pretty clear he and your mother grew cold over the years and it had a huge part in it.

“Do you… blame yourself for it?” Harry asks softly.

“No,” you shake your head. “It’s not like I had anything to do with being born,” you chuckle. “I just didn’t like seeing my mom struggle so much. So when Trevor was born I was trying to take over a lot of tasks around the house and with him as well. I babysat him a lot, took care of him in the mornings, I picked him up from daycare and later from school… I tried to make it easier for my parents.”

“So this is why you grew so close with him?”

“I guess so,” you nod. “I mean, I surely spent the most time with him,” you add with a short chuckle.

“And do you think this is why you’re so good with kids?”

“What is this, a therapy session?” you ask arching an eyebrow at him, but he just rolls his eyes.

“Just… trying to get to know you. Is that a problem?”

“No, I just… I’m not used to talking about myself so much. It’s been quite a few years since I’ve been in this… talking stage,” you admit with a sigh. “But to answer your question, it might have had some impact on me. I mean, I loved taking care of Trevor. It’s like I had my own baby doll, only that it wasn’t just a toy, it was a real baby I could play with.”

“Did you play dress up with him?” Harry smirks at you.

“I did,” you admit laughing. “I used to dress him as a princess a lot and he seemed to like it! My dad wasn’t really a fan of it.”

For the rest of the ride you listen to your playlist and talk about not just your but Harry’s past too. He tells you about his friends, what he was like in school and the mischiefs he did growing up, that drove his mum crazy sometimes. As you get to his hometown and he points out different places he used to go to when he was younger, you feel so much closer to him, like you’ve just gotten to see another piece of him that was hidden before.

He pulls up to the driveway of a simple townhouse and as you get out of the car you see the front door open and a woman rushes out, squealing in excitement as she runs up to Harry and hugs him tightly.

“Finally! I was starting to get worried!” she breathes out, rocking the two of them to left and right.

“Mum, don’t be dramatic. I texted you when we left and we got here perfectly in time,” Harry chuckles, holding his mum tight.

“You barely just arrived and you’re already picking on me? Typical,” Anne rolls her eyes, letting go of him. You round the car, feeling nervous to meet her. When her eyes finally fall on you, her smile grows even wider as she takes a step closer to you. “And you must be Y/N! It’s so nice to meet you!” she beams, pulling you into a warm hug as well.

“Nice to meet you too,” you chuckle, hugging her back.

“I’m Anne, but I listen to all versions of mum and grandma,” she tells you chuckling.

“Alright, noted,” you nod smiling.

Harry opens the car door of the backseat and unbuckles Izzy who has already woken up from her little nap and the moment her feet are on the ground she runs up to Anne.

“Grams!” She giggles before throwing herself into Anne’s arms who picks her up happily.

“Hi baby, you grew so much! I missed you!” she sighs as the little girl cuddles into her neck.

“Missed you too, Grams. I brought my new toys, do you want to play with them?”

“Of course! We’ll have all the time to play this week,” Anne smiles down at her. “Alright, come on in. Lunch is almost ready.”

Harry grabs Izzy’s things from the car and you all head inside. The house smells good from the cooking food in the kitchen and it’s such a cozy home, you can definitely see Harry growing up here. Above the fireplace in the living room there are a bunch of photos framed on the wall, most of them are from Harry and Gemma, but there are some more of other relatives as well, cousins, aunts, uncles and grandparents. It seems like Harry has a big family.

Harry unpacks Izzy’s stuff in her room that used to be Gemma’s apparently, he is telling Anne all about everything she needs to know about Izzy’s routines and she is listening patiently, though you’re sure she is more than capable of taking care of her. After all, she raised two amazing children already.

While Izzy shows Anne all her toys she’s brought with herself, Harry takes your hand and pulls you out of the room just to go into another one. Walking in you immediately realize that it must have been his once upon a time.

“You know, I can see your younger version in here, the one I saw in the photos downstairs,” you smirk at him, looking around. There are some old posters and pictures still littering the walls, stickers are covering the side of his wardrobe and dresser, some of them are partially ripped off already, he probably tried to get rid of them once he got older, but miserably failed.

“Yeah? I was pretty cute, right?” he smirks, so full of himself.

“I liked the curly Justin Bieber hairstyle,” you tease him and he gives you an “are you for real?!” look to which you just start laughing.

“Justin Bieber had nothing on me.”

“Yeah, sure,” you laugh before he grabs your hand and pulls you against his chest, wrapping his arms around you. “Your mum is in the next room,” you whisper against his lips as he leans down, teasing you with them just lingering on yours.

“So what? You never sneaked around your parents before?” he smirks down at you.

“I did,” you admit.

“Oh, nasty,” he comments before finally kissing you. However it doesn’t last long, because you hear footsteps coming from outside so you’re quick to move away from each other, just in time when Anne walks in.

“Lunch will be ready in a few, would you two mind setting the table?” she smiles, oblivious what was happening just a moment ago.

“Sure,” Harry nods, rubbing his nose as his other hand finds your waist and he ushers you out of the room.

Izzy helps Anne in the kitchen while you and Harry take care of the table. When everything is done you all sit down and start the feast Anne was so kind to make for you. It doesn’t take long to see the snickering but loving dynamic between Harry and his mother. Anne likes to pick on her son, call him out for basically anything and though Harry talks back, he mostly just lets her tear him to pieces. With love, of course.

“Izzy, please don’t get whipped cream all over the place!” Harry sighs when it’s time for dessert. Anne has made apple pie, one of Izzy’s favorites and she is going generous with the cream on top of her slice.

“You didn’t have problem getting cream all over you when we were making cupcakes, daddy!” Izzy sasses back, making both you and Harry drop your jaws while Anne starts laughing at her boldness.

“That was an entirely different situation, Izzy,” Harry shakes his head as he helps her with the scream before passing it over to you.

“Grams, you should have been there! Daddy, Y/N and I made a mess in the kitchen, but daddy started it!” Izzy giggles, digging into the pie.

“Is that so?” Anne smirks.

“We were just… playing,” Harry explains.

“Oh, I know how you can get when you’re just playing,” Anne chuckles. “Y/N, how do you put up with two kids in the house?”

“I used to deal with fifteen at the same time, so two is not a trouble,” you smirk at Harry who just rolls his eyes, but you see the hiding little smile on his lips.

After lunch Izzy insists on showing you the dollhouse Anne has set up for her in the backyard while Harry helps his mum with the cleaning up.

“We both know your sister likes to exaggerate stories, so I didn’t believe everything she said about you and Y/N,” Anne speaks up as she is washing the dishes and Harry is on drying duty.

“I’m glad you don’t fall for Gemma’s vivid imagination.”

“But there’s one thing she got right.”

“And what would that be?” Anne turns the tap off as she faces Harry, sighing in relief as she smiles at him.

“That you look happy.”

Harry opens his mouth to say something, but then just closes it. He does feel happy, even if he is still struggling to accept it. Anne dries her hands and reaching up she cups Harry’s face in her palms.

“Baby, I haven’t seen you like this for a long time. And I know you think you don’t deserve to feel this way, but you do. And Y/N makes you happy, clearly.”

“Mum…”

“No, honey, just… listen to me, okay?” she asks and he nods, giving all his attention to his mother. “It broke my heart to see you so… lost after what happened to Maggie. And I know that it was the hardest thing you ever had to go through, but you need to move on. She would want you to do the same thing.”

“How do you know, mum? You didn’t even like Maggie when I first brought her home,” Harry points out mumbling under his breath.

“That doesn’t change the way you felt about her. I know you loved her and I would have never wanted anything to happen to her. She made you happy and that’s all that mattered to me,” she smiles with a tired sigh. “And I just want you to be happy again. Whatever you two have going on… don’t let go of it, alright? She is making you happy and you deserve that.”

Harry doesn’t know what to say so he just nods before Anne pulls him into a tight, motherly hug that he returns gladly.

“I’m trying, mum. I’m trying,” he whispers into her hair, giving her a squeeze before letting go of her.

You stay a little longer, Anne makes you tea and Harry soaks in the last minutes with Izzy before he is forced to be away from her. You know he is looking forward to spending some time away from his daddy duties, but it’s clear that he’ll miss her terribly too.

“Alright, baby. Be good and I’ll call Grams to talk to you every day, okay?” Harry tells her, giving her one last hug. Izzy wraps her arms around his neck tightly, her face squished into his neck.

“Okay, daddy. I love you,” she mumbles with a pouty look.

“I love you too. Have a good time with Grams.”

“Thank you for everything, Anne,” you tell her, giving her a quick hug.

“Oh, you’re welcome. It was so nice to meet you,” she smiles, feeling a little touched by the goodbye. “Come back soon!”

“I will, thank you.” “Bye mum, call me if anything comes up,” Harry tells her, hugging her as well.

“We’ll be alright, don’t worry. Tell Mitch and Sarah that I wish them the best!” Anne smiles as you and Harry head out the door.

“I will! Bye!”

Izzy stands at the front door with Anne, waving after you as Harry backs out of the driveway and eventually, they are out of your sight.

Harry falls silent and you don’t have to be a genius to know that he is already missing Izzy. You can imagine what it feels like to not see her every day like he always does, when he is so used to having her around all the time.

“You alright?” you softly ask, giving his arm a short squeeze.

“Yeah, it’s just… It’s the third time I’m doing this, but it never gets easier. The first year we did it I ended up driving up here four times that week,” he admits with a chuckle.

“Nothing to be ashamed of. It’s normal to miss her.”

“I know, it just makes me emotional,” he admits, flashing you a short smile before he turns his gaze back at the road ahead of him.

The drive back home is a lot quieter than the way to Anne’s. You play some music again and Harry hums to it sometimes, but he is mostly just deep in his thoughts and you don’t want to bother him, knowing well he probably needs some time to settle with the thought of an entire week without Izzy.

You get some takeout for dinner before arriving home and eat together before putting on a movie to watch in the entertainment room. One movie turns into another and before you could realize it, you’re dosed off on the comfy couch, cuddled to Harry’s side near midnight.

When you wake up something entirely different is playing on the screen since the original movie has ended long ago. Harry is passed out, his head resting against the back of the couch, one arm curled around your shoulders while the other is resting on his stomach. Rubbing your eyes you check the time and decide it’s better if you both just go to bed before you end up spending the night on the couch.

“Hey… H,” you softly caress his cheek before you brush his unruly curls back from his forehead. He scrunches his nose adorably before his eyes flutter open, taking in his surroundings. “We fell asleep. Why don’t we call it a night?” you ask in a soft whisper. Harry sighs, nodding his head, squeezing you to his side before his arm falls from around your shoulders. You peck his cheek before pushing yourself up from the couch. He shuts the TV off and the two of you head upstairs. For your surprise, his hand finds yours on the way up the stairs, lacing his fingers together with yours.

You pad your way up to the second floor and walking past Izzy’s room Harry stops for just a heartbeat before he follows you down the hallway. When you’re about to let go of his hand to head into your own bedroom, Harry pulls you back gently, making you look at him with slight confusion.

“Do you… Maybe you could… sleep at mine, if you want to? Just a thought…” he breathes out, clearly nervous to speak what’s been on his mind.

“I would love to, but only if you’re sure about it.”

“I’m sure. It would be nice to… wake up next to you,” he adds with a shy smile and you notice how he didn’t say waking up next to anyone, he wants you to be there.

“Alright. Why don’t we both just go and shower separately and then I’ll come back to yours?” you offer, giving his hand a squeeze. Harry nods and leaning down he places a chaste kiss to your lips before letting go of your hand, going your separate ways.

After doing your usual nighttime routine you put on a pair of soft pajama pants and a simple shirt before heading back to Harry’s bedroom. The door is slightly open, the lights are still on. You knock on the door before pushing it open carefully. You’ve only been in here a handful of times and it’s strange to come here with the intention of staying.

Harry is standing by his dresser in a pair of sweatpants and a white shirt, his hair is slightly damp from his shower. As his eyes fall on your figure a small smile tugs on his lips before he glances towards the bed.

“Which… which side do you like sleeping on?” he asks and you can’t hold back a chuckle as you walk to the side that’s clearly not used by him usually.

Harry huffs with a smile before going to his side. You put your phone to the nightstand before getting under the covers, making yourself comfortable in Harry’s silky sheets. He sits to the edge of the bed, checks something on his phone before dropping it to his nightstand and he then joins you under the covers.

It’s a tiny bit awkward at first, neither of you really finding your place in such a new situation, so at first you just lie on your sides facing each other. Harry is clearly about to say something, he is just looking for the right words, so you give him all the time he needs.

“I’m glad you’re here,” he softly speaks up. “Not just because… I would be awfully lonely now without Izzy,” he adds with a cheeky chuckle. “I meant it generally. I’m really happy that you’re here.”

“I’m happy to be here too. Wouldn’t want to be anywhere else,” you smile at him. Breathing out through his nose he closes his eyes for a few seconds before his green irises meet yours again. Leaning closer he kisses you softly, just another way to tell you the same thing he just said with his words a moment ago. Pulling back he settles his head on the pillow and he pulls you into his arms, making you cuddle to his side similar to the way you fell asleep on the couch earlier.

“Good night, Y/N,” he murmurs, pressing a kiss to the crown of your head.

“Good night, Harry,” you hum back, nuzzling your face into his shoulder, making yourself comfortable in his strong arms.

Harry grumbles lowly when his phone’s alarm goes off in the morning. He might be off from his daddy duties this week, but he is still the CEO of his company and work is calling his name. Sometime during the night the two of you got tangled up in each other. Unlike last night, now Harry is the one snuggled up to you, his heavy arm lying across your stomach, his legs mingled with yours under the sheets as you gently scratch his scalp with one hand, running the other up and down his arm across your stomach. You’re not gonna lie, waking up in a bed with Harry is far more blissful and satisfying than you imagined. Even early in the morning he has such an aura that sweeps you off your feet, the man was surely crafted by the gods.

“You’re gonna be late,” you hum, eyes still closed when he hits the snooze button and snuggles back to you.

“It’s set to when I have to get Izzy ready. We still have some time,” he mumbles against the fabric of your shirt.

You stay in bed a little longer until it really is time to get up. Harry’s morning form is so soft yet still breathtaking, even with his hair tousled and his puffy eyes, he still looks gorgeous and you find it slightly unfair how little effort the man needs to be this perfect.

Harry heads to take a shower and in the meantime you decide to start making breakfast while the coffee is brewing.

“Oh you shouldn’t have,” Harry breathes out with a thankful smile when he arrives downstairs and sees the almost ready breakfast and the smell of coffee hits his nose.

“I have all the time in the world this week,” you chuckle as you fill a plate with eggs and veggies before you slide it over to him on the kitchen island. You fix a plate for yourself as well and join him on the stool beside him.

“So… are you still up for the date?” Harry asks shyly, glancing over at you.

“Didn’t really change my mind since yesterday,” you chuckle.

“Would you be up to do it today?”

“So, eager, huh?” you tease him, nudging him with your shoulder and he just shyly shrugs, trying to push down his smile. “Today works fine for me. What do you have in mind?”

“I’m not ruining the surprise,” he smirks at you, sipping on his coffee.

“Alright, then just tell me the dress code.”

“Wear that lilac dress you wore to that birthday party the other week.”

You know exactly what dress he is talking about, but it stuns you that he actually remembers what you wore two weeks ago. He only saw you for a few minutes before you left, yet he still remembered the dress.

“Alright,” you smile to yourself before turning back to your breakfast.

Though you have a few extra sessions booked for the week, your Monday stayed empty and without Izzy roaming around the house you have to realize that you can easily get bored without her. You got so used to being with her all day long that now being home on your own is so weird.

You spend the first half of the day lounging at the pool, something you’ve been dying to do, but you were too busy with a certain little girl. Then you have a nice lunch and after reading the book you’ve been putting away for weeks, you realize that you’ve run out of things to do. So you text Trevor if he wants a ride home after school and of course he does, so after fixing yourself up you drive down to his school.

“Hi there, how was your day?” you ask when he sits into the car, throwing his backpack to the backseat before he buckles himself up as you back out of the parking spot.

“Fantastic, as always!” he fake cheers, making you laugh.

“Want to get ice-cream?”

“You know I always want ice-cream,” he snorts smirking at you.

You haven’t met Trevor ever since things become kind of… romantic between you and Harry, and you didn’t want to tell him over the phone, so now is the perfect time to break him the news. When the two of you are sitting on the terrace of your favorite ice-cream place, your paper cup filled with chocolate and strawberry ice-cream while he chose mango and cookie dough, you finally start the conversation.

“So, I have news for you.”

“Oh my God,” he breathes out, closing his eyes for a second. “Are you leaving the country?”

“What? No! Why do you think that?”

“I don’t know, but last time you said you had news for me you moved out from home. Figured it might be something similar,” he shrugs, returning to his ice-cream.

“Well, no, I’m not leaving the country.”

“Okay, then what is it?”

“I’m kind of… dating Harry. You know, my boss.” You have no idea why you felt the need to add the last part when he has already met him, but you feel a bit nervous. Trevor is like your best friend and he had a bad feeling about Keith when you started dating him, but you ignored it. If he has a similar feeling about Harry now, you are definitely considering them this time.

“Oh!” his eyebrows shoot up. “What do you mean kind of?”

“Well, we haven’t had our first date yet, it’s happening tonight, but things have… changed.”

“So you slept with him?”

“No, I haven’t,” you chuckle nervously. “We kissed. A few times and… we talked about where it’s heading and we both think it’s going to turn into something… more serious.”

“That’s great!” he smiles at you and it seems completely genuine. “See, I told you it’s gonna happen sooner or later,” he smirks coyly, before he licks his spoon off.

“You were just drawing random assumptions because of his looks and wealth, Trevor. But it’s not about that.”

“Oh, I know you’re not a gold digger,” he teases you, making you roll your eyes at him. “So your first date is tonight? What are you guys doing?”

“I don’t know, he didn’t tell me,” you shrug with a small smile.

“Mysterious,” Trevor wiggles his eyebrows at you. “So he is finally ready to get back on the dating scene, huh?”

“Um, he is working on it. It’s a little hard for him, but he’s been changing for the better.” “That’s great. I’m happy for you,” he smiles at you. “Really, you deserve it after that asshole.”

“Yeah, I hope it’ll go well,” you smile back at him with a sigh before you return to your ice-cream.

After dropping Trevor off at one of his friends you head back home. For your surprise, Harry’s car is already parked on the driveway with another one that doesn’t belong to him when you pull up and walking in you find him with Niall in the kitchen.

“Oh, hi boys!” you greet them.

“Y/N! You are stunning as always!” Niall beams, pulling you into a tight hug right away.

“Thanks,” you chuckle patting his back. “What are you guys up to?”

They share a look and it tells you right away you are not supposed to know whatever they were talking about so you just nod smiling.

“Alright, got it,” you chuckle.

“How was your day?” Harry asks, hoping to change the subject smoothly.

“Great! Met with Trevor, just dropped him off.”

“Oh, how is he doing?”

“He is fine, struggling a little with math lately, but he is doing great,” you chuckle.

“So you have a brother. Do you happen to have a sister, maybe?” Niall asks with a coy smile and while Harry just rolls his eyes at his friend, you can’t help but laugh.

“Sorry, no,” you tell him the bad news. “But… I have a good friend and I think you’d like her.”

“A friend? Do you have a picture of her?” Niall beams, already excited about it. Pulling your phone out you show him a picture of you and Heather so he can have a good look at her. You actually think that Heather and Niall would be a good match, she might even be the girl Niall would give up his bachelor life finally.

“When are we having a double date?” he simply asks, making you and Harry laugh at the same time.

“I’ll see what I can do for you.” You let the boys finish whatever they were doing before you arrived so you go to your room, unwinding a little before you have to start getting ready for the date. Around five there’s a soft knock on your door and as you call out, Harry pops his head inside.

“Hi,” he smiles nervously as the rest of his body walks into your sight.

“Hi!” you smile back, putting your book to the side.

“I just realized I never told you the time when you should be ready tonight,” he chuckles nervously. “Is six good for you?”

“Yeah, that’s great.”

“Alright. Then… see you soon, I guess,” he smiles nodding before he walks out of your room. You can’t help a small chuckle at how nervous he seems about tonight, as if he wasn’t still sure about your feelings for him, when you’ve made it clearer than daylight.

You get the best kind of jitters while getting ready for the date. It’s like you’re in high school again and your crush has finally asked you out so you want to look your best. Since Harry already suggested you what to wear, you don’t have to spend an hour standing in your closet, trying to find the right choice. For the makeup you go for a little smokey look and you do a loose bun styles for your hair, remembering the words your mother always told you when you were a teenager.

“A woman’s greatest and most secret weapon is her neck. Men go crazy if you show them your neck and they don’t even realize it!”

You spray some perfume on yourself and put on a pair of nude heels before packing your necessities into a purse that matches your outfit. You finish with everything just in time, a soft knock signaling that Harry has returned. Checking yourself one last time in the mirror you open the door and reveal him standing at the door, wearing a pair of fitted purple dress pants with a crispy shirt on, matching your dress perfectly. And the cherry on top is the bouquet of red roses in his hands.

“Hi,” he breathes out with a nervous smile and his gaze travels down your figure, a blush tinting his cheeks.

“Hi!”

“You look… beautiful,” he smiles shyly and your heart is fluttering in your chest. It’s really happening, you are going on a date with Harry!

“Thank you,” you chuckle softly.

“These are for you. I know it’s weird that I’m picking you up from your bedroom and I’m not giving you this at the front door, but…” he chuckles as he hands you the flowers.

“It’s really nice, thank you,” you smile, taking the flowers before moving into the bedroom to put them in a vase quickly. Harry takes just about two steps into the room and stops with his hands hidden in his pockets as he eyes every movement of yours before you finish with the flowers and let him know that you’re ready to do. He holds out his hand and you take it gladly as you head out of the house.

He doesn’t tell you where you’re going, not even when you try to annoy him and bully him into finally hinting something, but you should have known that he wouldn’t break. He has a four year old daughter who is constantly bugging him, he has endless patience.

When he parks down in front of a modern apartment complex you kind of get really confused, because nothing around seems like the location you’d choose for a date.

“Are you gonna kidnap me and keep me hostage in one of the apartments here?” you ask him with narrowed eyes as the two of you head inside, taking the elevator up.

“It’s not kidnapping, you came willingly,” he smirks down at you.

“That I did.”

When you’re at one of the apartments you are really lost about what he had planned and he finally breaks your suffering and tells you what’s gonna happen as he keys the two of you into the apartment.

“This is Niall’s place, he let us use it tonight. My mum always says that cooking together is a good first date, because food brings people together and you can easily get to know each other,” he explains as you walk into the modern, but definitely very manly home. “I didn’t want to do it at home, because we are always there, so… Niall was nice enough to lend us his place for our date.”

You see that there are two full grocery bags on the kitchen counter and the table is already set for two, you wonder if Harry was here earlier, or Niall did the work for him. Either way, it’s such a thoughtful gesture and a perfect first date.

“Where is he tonight?” you ask with a small smile.

“He is visiting his mother, for a change,” Harry chuckles, knowing well you thought he would be out with a woman probably. “He said he won’t be back until later tomorrow so we can even sleep here, but I thought it would be better if we went home.”

“So what are we making?” you ask curiously as you peek into one of the grocery bags.

“We are going to attempt to make gnocchi with some killer tomato sauce. And brownies for dessert,” he adds with a small smile.

“That sounds great, what can I help with?”

“Let me just quickly pack everything out and then we have to peel the potatoes, yeah?”

“Alright,” you nod, your gaze wandering over to the spacious living room. “Can I look around?”

“Sure,” he nods while he is already elbows deep in one of the bags.

Niall’s place looks like it came right off the pages of an interior design magazine, the furnishing is modern and more on the dark color range, but not too much to make it appear depressing. Right next to his huge TV there’s a floor to ceiling bookcase filled with books mostly about music and art and you realize you don’t even know what Niall does for a living. It just never came up between his heavy flirting sessions.

“I never asked, but what does Niall do?” you ask calling out to Harry.

“Oh, he is a freelancer music producer. Tried to offer him a permanent spot at my company, but he prefers his freedom, like with everything else in his life,” he chuckles. “But he is a good one, we used to make music together when we were younger.”

Just as he says that, you spot a picture of the two of them on the shelves and your lips part in a bit of a shock when you realize that Harry used to have long hair. Leaning closer you inspect the photo better and you feel like you’re looking at two entirely different people. Niall’s hair was bleached blonde which is already enough to make him like another version of himself, but Harry is definitely the biggest shocker. He was rocking some loose shirt with the top buttons left undone, his necklace with the cross pendant peeking out and though the photo ends somewhere above his knees, you can tell that he is wearing skinny jeans, something you never thought you would ever see him in.

“You had long hair?” you ask joining him in the kitchen. Harry’s eyes shoot up to him, then he looks in the direction of the living room, a smile tugging on his lips as he probably remembers what photo you must have just seen.

“Uh, yeah. Yes I did, when I was about 21 or 22.”

“I could hardly believe that was you in the picture, with the long locks and the skinny jeans,” you tease him.

“Yeah, I was a lot different then, but after all, it’s been an entire decade since then,” he sniggles.

“Why did you cut it?”

“Um, I was pretty new in the business back then and had a few assholes telling me that it’s not too masculine and all that. It was a time when I cared more about others’ opinion than I should have so I kind of gave in and cut it.”

“I’m sorry they ruined it for you. But I’m glad you don’t care about others that much now,” you smile at him softly. Harry’s eyes flicker down to his painted nails and ring-clad fingers and you just know what he is about to ask before he even speaks up.

“Does it… bother you? That I paint my nails and stuff?”

“No,” you shake your head confidently. “Not at all. I mean, I never saw you without them, but at this point I think it wouldn’t even feel right,” you add with a small laugh that brings Harry’s smile back as well. Stepping closer you kiss his shoulder softly before turning your focus on the food in front of you. “So, let’s peel these bad boys!”

It’s the first time you and Harry actually work together in the kitchen for more than just five minutes. He is always in control at home, taking over everything with Izzy and you know it’s a good bonding time for them, so you never even tried to push your way into it without their invitation. But now the bonding is all about you and him and so far you’ve been a great team. The cutest thing is that he brought you matching aprons to protect your clothes and you look like you are in some cooking show for sure.

You keep asking questions from each other while working on the food, Harry asks you some more about your childhood and teenage years and he shares stories from college where he had this friend group of five. Niall was part of the group as well and he said he is still in touch with the other boys, but they all do very different things now, the other three are already fathers themselves and live far away, so they don’t get to see each other that much.

You are making the little dumplings while Harry is on duty for cooking them, relentlessly fishing them out of the boiling water once they swim up to the top. When that’s done, Harry starts making the sauce while you take care of the brownies. It all works out well, everything gets done easily and while the dessert is in the oven you start eating what you just created.

“Mm, this sauce is really good!” you hum when you take the first bite.

“It’s my mum’s recipe,” he smiles proudly.

At the beginning of the evening you could tell that he felt nervous, not essentially about being with you, but probably because of the thought of going on a date in general. But as time passed by and he got more and more comfortable in the situation, you could see him loosen up and calm his nerves, so now that you are eating the dinner you made together and drinking a glass of fine wine, talking about anything and everything, you feel like he is actually enjoying something he was probably terrified from before.

When the brownies are done the two of you take advantage of the nice evening weather and Niall’s amazing balcony, moving out to the lounge chairs, munching on the dessert with the skyline of the city in front of you. At one point you start playing a game of would you rather, and after a while you ask each other the most random things, cracking each other up continuously. You don’t even realize and it’s already past ten, you completely talked the evening away, but you don’t regret any of it.

You clean up Niall’s place, leaving it just the way you got it, putting some leftovers into his fridge for him as a thank you for lending you his place before you head out.

Harry keeps a hand on you at all times on the way home, he is either holding your hand over the console, or rests his palm on your thigh above your knee, but either way, he just keeps the physical touch up always. Not that you mind, you are doing kind of the same, enjoying his closeness.

Arriving home you can feel a kind of tension growing, but not a bad kind. You want him. Your desire to go further than just kissing has grown immensely tonight, but you have no idea how he feels about taking it further and you don’t want to push him past his boundaries.

“Want to… sleep with me again?” he shyly asks when you’re going up the stairs.

“Yeah, I would love that,” you smile at him, giving him a quick peck on his cheek.

When you part ways in the hallway he probably expects you to do your night time routine, but you have other plans. Grabbing your polaroid camera you pad your way over to his room, knocking on the door, hoping he is not in the shower yet. When he calls out for you, he is standing at his dresser, the first few buttons of his shirt are already undone, but he is still dressed.

“I just thought that… we could snap a picture as a nice memento of our first date,” you shyly explain to him, holding the camera up.

“Oh, yeah! Okay, how do you... how should we…?” he looks around the room and you step to his dresser, placing the camera to the top of it.

“It’s got a timer,” you explain as you set it up and tell him where to stand so you can check if he is in the frame. When it’s all set, you glance back at him. “Ready?”

“Yeah,” he nods shyly. You push the button and step back to him. “What should we…” he starts, but you already know what you want the picture to be like.

Cupping his face in your hands you pull him down and kiss him sweetly, for the first time tonight. You’ve noticed he hasn’t tried to kiss you all night, being a gentleman, but you’ve been craving it since he showed up at your door with the roses.

He hesitates for a moment, but eventually curls his arms around you, kissing you back softly. The timer goes off and the flash indicates that the photo has been taken. Pulling back you smile at him before taking the photo from the camera, setting it to the side to develop. Harry steps behind you, his arms coming to curl around your waist and you turn in his hold to face him.

“Hi,” you smile at him giddily. “Thanks for today.”

“I’m glad you enjoyed it,” he answers softly, making your heart flutter. You press your lips at his, kissing him hard and passionate, like you wanted all evening. He is quick to return the kiss with just as much passion as you put into it, his hands finding your waist as he slowly pulls you with him until the back of his legs hit the bed. He sits down and pulls you with him so you sit on his lap straddling him, never breaking the kiss as you settle in his arms, his hands roaming up and down your back.

Your kisses move from his delicious lips to his chiseled jawline and down his neck, your fingers working on the buttons of his dress shirt. You want him, you need him, he is all you can think about and the taste of his skin on your tongue is making you lose your mind.

His hands move up your thighs right to your bum, giving it a good squeeze, making you moan against the crook of his neck.

“Fuck,” he growls, throwing the two of you to the bed, getting on top of you before his lips attack yours, kissing you with a demand heatedly. His lips move smoothly against yours, devouring you with every suck and lick, making you dizzy in the head with such little effort.

He starts kissing down your neck, through your collarbone and whatever is showing in your dress on your chest. Your fingers lace through his messy curls, keeping him close to you as you try to control your moans and gasps. His fingers hook under the thin straps of your dress and he is about to pull them down when he stops, breathing heavily against your skin.

Harry lifts his head, his eyes meeting yours as he is panting through his parted lips and you cup his cheeks in your hands.

“Hey, what’s wrong? Talk to me,” you tell him softly, knowing well his mind is probably racing right now.

“I just…” he starts quietly. “I haven’t been with anyone since… Maggie,” he admits in a whisper and your gaze softens on him.

“And I haven’t been with anyone since Keith,” you admit truthfully. “We don’t have to do anything tonight. I’m fine with just sleeping if that’s all you want to do.”

“No, I want to… I want to do things, I just… I’m not used to it, I guess,” he breathes out as you run your fingers through his hair.

“It’s okay. We can take it slow. Whatever you feel comfortable with,” you assure him pecking his lips softly.

“Is it… Is it okay if we just… touch?” He is clearly feeling a bit embarrassed to ask, but you will not make him feel bad for asking for whatever he wants. Pulling him down for another kiss you smile up at him.

“Touching is perfect. It’s all up to you,” you tell him and see the gratitude in his eyes right away.

Removing yourself off of his lap you climb back on the bed, pulling him with you until he is holding himself up above you. Your eyes meet for a second again before leaning down he kisses you slowly, taking his time with you. He is holding himself up on one arm while his other hand finds your hip, gently squeezing it when his tongue slides into your mouth through the kiss. Your hands move down his chest and you start unbuttoning his shirt until it falls open and he shimmies it off with a soft chuckle.

“Let’s get rid of the dress too,” you breathe out, reaching down for the hem of your dress, pulling it up until it’s off, leaving you in only your underwear. You’re wearing a matching set with a strapless bra and as you lie back on the bed Harry’s eyes basically devour you, his gaze running up and down your body several times.

“You’re so beautiful, Y/N,” he breathes out before leaning down and kissing you again, his hand cupping your side before wandering over to your stomach and up to your chest. He runs his hand over your chest, gently squeezing it, making you moan into the kiss.

“And you’re wearing too much clothes,” you grin as you reach down and start undoing his purple pants you ogled him quite often tonight. Harry chuckles as he holds himself up for you to work the button and the zipper on his pants before he takes over the task and gets rid of them himself, leaving him in only his boxer briefs and you have to hold yourself back from gasping when you see the growing bulge between his legs.

You don’t get to eye him for too long, because he is back to kissing you, his body pressing up against yours as you let your hands roam his strong back, his skin burning under your touch. His lips travel down the line of your neck to your chest and his hand snakes behind your back, but he stops before he could do anything with the clasp of your bra. Glancing up at you he gives you a questioning glare, asking for your permission.

“You can take it off,” you softly tell him nodding. His fingers are quick to undo it and a moment later you’re lying with a bare chest underneath him. His hand moves to your chest again and he kneads your breast again, this time with nothing between your skin and his palm. You whimper under his touch, you’ve been so starved to be touched this way and now that it’s happening, it’s hard to control yourself, but Harry doesn’t seem to mind seeing you react to what he is doing.

His lips return to your mouth and while he kisses you with so much passion, he slowly lays himself down next to you, so you’re facing each other sideways on the bed. He pulls you closer to him until you’re flushed against his hard chest and while your hand roams around his shoulders and back, his palm slides down your spine, over your waist until he calms bum, pushing you even closer to him. His clothed erection presses against your thigh and you can’t help but whimper his name at the feeling.

His kisses slow down and his touch loosens on you until he pulls back, seemingly just for air, but you can tell his head is starting to race again, spiraling thoughts taking over his mind.

“Do you want me to take over control?” you softly ask him, pushing his unruly curls out of his forehead. His gaze softens and he nods shortly with gratefulness lacing through his look.

He watches you intently as you push yourself up into a sitting position, he rolls to his back and keeps his gaze on you as you hook your fingers into your panties, getting rid of them before doing the same for him with his boxers. He lifts his hips up as you pull down the elastic material, revealing his hard cock to your greedy eyes. You want nothing more than to taste him, but he said he just wants to touch so you don’t try to overstep his limits, leaving this desire of yours to another time. Instead, you lean down, capturing his lips in a sweet, reassuring kiss that everything is going fine to calm his nerves as much as you can, while you place your palm to his lower stomach, moving down slowly until you find his hard cock, wrapping your hand around his length and giving it a few gentle stroke.

“Fuck,” he breathes out against your parted lips and you can’t push a smile down.

You kiss his lips, his cheeks, his jawline, everywhere around his face while you keep pumping him, spreading some of his precum down his length to help your hand move smoother. Your actions awaken something in him, he grabs your face in both his hands, kissing you hard before he pushes you to your back, becoming the one on top. He parts your legs with pushing a knee between your thighs and while you keep up with your motions, he gets down to action as well. One of his large palms runs down your abdomen, stroking your lower belly gently before it moves to your inner thigh, spreading you even more for him before you feel his touch on your heated and dripping wet core. First, he just teasingly runs two fingers through your folds, testing how wet you are and when he realizes that you are more than ready to whatever he has planned, he moves his thumb to your sensitive clit, drawing circles with the pad of his finger, sending a wave of pleasure up your spine immediately.

“Harry!” you moan his name, running your thumb over the head of his cock that makes him gasp and stop his motions for a moment before he returns to pleasuring you.

He buckles his hips into your touch while his fingers move down from your clit until he is teasing your entrance, just circling around it but not pushing into you. Rolling your hips you signal him that you want the teasing to end and he luckily gets the hint, slowly sliding two fingers inside you, curling them gently and it makes your eyes roll back immediately. He rests his forehead on your shoulder as he starts moving his fingers in and out of you while you try your best to keep up your pumping motion as well, moving your other hand to his balls to give him some of that extra pleasure and he seems to be liking what you’re doing, because your name keeps falling from his lips as keeps fingering you, curling his digits just the right way inside you from time to time.

“Fuck, Y/N, I won’t last long,” he pants, his lips brushing against your neck before he kisses the soft skin above your collarbone.

“It’s alright. Just want you to feel good, H,” you assure him, though you’re getting closer to your release as well.

“Are you close?” he asks out of breath, still holding himself up above you, leaning onto his other arm next to your head.

“Yeah, don’t stop,” you nod, turning your head so your lips could meet for a kiss again.

You can tell he is trying hard to hold himself back, to stretch it out as long as he can. A torturous look tugs on his face and you kiss his temple, wanting nothing more than to see him finally reach the peak.

“Let go, H. It’s alright,” you whisper against his skin and he whines at your words before you feel his cock jerk in your hand and he cums under your touch.

You keep stroking him as he rides his high, gasping and panting your name while he spills his semen onto your naked stomach. His fingers stopped moving inside you as he found his relief, but as soon as you feel him recovering from his orgasm, he goes right back to where he left it, desperately wanting to pleasure you as well.

“Harry!” you moan when he hits a specific spot inside you, tingling your nerves just right, your hands come to clasp onto his broad shoulders.

“Cum for me, babe. Let me see you feel good,” he whispers before his lips occupy your mouth again, kissing you with so much passion and vigor, your senses are starting to overload.

“Fuck, I’m gonna cum!” you gasp feeling your toes curl and Harry picks his pace up, his thumb coming in contact with your clit as he tries to make you reach your high.

And then it finally happens. You stop breathing for a moment, the intensity of it washing over your whole body. It’s been so long since you felt this good with anyone, and just the thought of doing this with Harry probably adds a lot to the equation.

He slows his fingers down, but makes sure to curl them inside you every time he pumps them in, and you repeat his name over and over again until you finally catch your breath. Your gaze meets his, and you see a happy and satisfied shine in his green irises as he leans down and kisses you sweetly, pulling his fingers out of you gently.

“M’gonna get a towel,” he murmurs, pecking your lips one last time before he gets up from the bed and walks into the bathroom while you lie on his bed, totally gone and worn out from your orgasm. Harry comes back with a damp washcloth and cleans up the mess he made on you before gently moving to between your legs, taking such good care of you. He drops the cloth to the floor, not wanting to leave the bed again as he pulls the covers over your bodies, pulling you into his arms.

“How are you feeling?” you softly ask, pecking his toned chest.

“I’m good.”

Lifting your head you search for his eyes, wanting to make sure he didn’t regret any of it, but he seems calm and rested for a change. Smiling up at him you push yourself up a little so you can connect your lips before you snuggle back to his side and let yourself slowly drift off to sleep, listening to his steady heartbeat under your face.

Thank you for reading, please like and reblog if you enjoyed it!

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Ask Answers: May 15th Part 1

It’s been longer than usual since our last answer session, so I’m answering a ton of questions today! It’s so big I split it into two parts. Thank you for the patience on getting a response to these.

Thanks for reaching out to us with your questions and kind words ^^!

Sorry if this has been asked before or isn't something you can say but is there anyway for Cove to confess in step 4? I wanted him to confess in step 3 and followed all the steps to make him do it but ended up texting my family instead of Cove at the end.

Yeah, Cove can confess in Step 4!

Hello! I heard that Cove is on the spectrum, albeit undiagnosed. As someone who is ND, this makes me UNBELIEVABLY happy. I literally was brought to tears! Thank you for that!

Out of curiosity, will Cove be diagnosed in Step 4? I have a strong feeling y’all won’t make it a HUGE deal/make it out to be negative, so I’m not worried about that whatsoever! I’m just curious just he’ll off handedly mention it? Or will it just not be touched upon at all (which is ok!)?

Either way is ok, I’m just curious!

I’m happy it made you happy! Admittedly, Cove simply being someone with autism that grew up not being diagnosed was something I included for myself. I didn’t really think anyone would notice or ask about it, aha. But players did start to have questions about his traits, so I started to talk about it outside of the game. It’s great to see it get such a positive response and now I do feel like having it be a non-topic may have been the wrong choice and bringing it up would’ve been good in terms of having positive representation for that. I don’t know if I’ll find a way to mention it in Step 4 now, with how far along the game is, but I am at least thinking about it when originally it wasn’t something I really even considered.

Hey!  Just wanted to say thank you for Our Life.  It's been a bright spot and a needed escape in what's otherwise been a crummy year.  I know you just did a Q&A post but I figured I'd ask anyway.  Was just curious about Step 4.  Will it be similar to the other Steps in that it consists of several different moments or will it just be one long sequence?

Step 4 is shorter than the prior Steps because it’s just an epilogue rather than a full arc of a story. It’ll consist of scenes that all happen in a set row one after the other. There won’t be a collection of Moments to choose from. But it’ll still be very sweet and fun.

¡hola!, you see, first I want to say that I love Our Life! (°◡°♡) and I have 2 important questions, would Cove cry watching titanic? and what is the saddest part according to him? (sorry for my english) 

Titanic would make him cry. He’d probably think the parts showing people who aren’t able to make it to the life boats/are choosing to stay and go down with the ship were the saddest.

Hello, I wanted to ask how much you earn with creating games? Like is it possible to make a living? Thank you >< <3 

How much I earn varies a lot month to month based on Steam sales, Patreon backers, and how many projects are in full production at the time. It’s also hard to say how much I make historically, since that also changes dramatically year by year. But I do earn enough to work on these games full time! I really appreciate all the support that allows me to do that.

Hey!! I was wondering for the 18+ Our Life moment, will there be an emphasis on safety/comfort for all involved? I feel like there  would be just going off of what the rest of the game is like, but I wanted to ask 

Yes! Cove is a nervous boy himself and also super cautious about doing anything the MC doesn’t like, so clear consent from both is absolutely needed for anything to happen. It’s a conversational sexy times Moment with stops/starts so the two can talk about how they’re feeling, rather than a heat of the moment just going for it kind of thing.

Hey!! I was wondering how long the wedding dlc would be? Will it be broken up into moments, or just one big event? 

It’s one long series of scenes all in a row rather than a collection of Moments to pick from. It’s the shortest and the least expensive of all the DLCs. It’s not super crucial to get and those who aren’t into big weddings can totally skip it without worry.

HELLO AMAZING DEVS 👋 i am hopelessly in love with the worst guy ever (jeremy king) and because of this i have a really stupid question: does he really hate people who are nice to him? TvT he’s too cute to be mean to istg it’s a miracle JB held the urge to be consistently nice to him bc just look at his FACE he is so cute! thank you for jeremy’s route it’s so lovely (and awful bc he’s scum 11/10) it gave me so much laughs LMAO i hope you guys have a good day!! 

Haha, thank you. He doesn’t hate them but he’s certainly not pleased with them. Jeremy is either uncomfortable with or annoyed by people being sweet on him, depending on how they approach it. He’s far more comfortable with jerkiness. It lets him relax and he can be himself without it being a problem, since he’s also a jerk. He feels a level of guilt being such a little punk to kind people, not enough to be a better person but still.

Has Cove dated or been interested in someone other than MC? 

Nope! He stays single over the course of the game if he’s not with the MC.

Is Step 4 more mature? Or it's gonna be set in similar atmosphere as Step 3? 

Step 4 is a similar atmosphere as Step 3. Though, it’s actually kind of less mature-topic heavy than Step 3 since it’s just a ‘hey, let’s check in on the gang to see what they’re up to’ style epilogue rather than a story arc with serious issues.

will there be new music for now and forever?? or will the old our life music be reused? 

It’s gonna be a brand new soundtrack. We’ll be opening up a job position for that soon.

Hi, is it okay if we use the assets in Our Life (like the sprites) for fanworks or fan content content, like edits? 

Sure! Just as long as you don’t use the assets made by those artists to make money.

Quick clarification on Step 3 choices: I hope I didn't come off rude (because I LOVE the game, really!!), I was just curious because the intro threw me off at times. For example, you could choose how you felt about Elizabeth in Step 2 (Dinner), but during the Step 3 intro, it says that you got closer to Liz and I didn't get a choice in it. 

For the example, it can’t be helped that you’re closer to Liz in Step 3 than you were in Step 2 because she’s inherently closer to the MC regardless of whether you liked her or not in Step 2. Her feelings are out of your control and the game isn’t so dramatic that you can push her affection away and not let her bond with you, haha. But ‘being closer’ can still be relative. For some people maybe that means you’re best buds now and for others it might just mean you’re not fighting all the time any more. If there’s other parts you want to mention, feel free to let us know.

Did the illustrator for Our Life change? 

We have many OL artists! The main artists who set the game’s style haven’t changed, but there’s multiple other artists who help finish assets.

So Miranda's type is confident and outgoing, huh? So...does that mean Terri's her type?? 👀 

Haha, sorry for the late reply on this. As you might’ve seen in our post yesterday- yeah that is her type.

Hey! First, I just want to say I've really enjoyed how detailed OL got with gender identity and sexuality and how respectful the topics were handled! It's been so wonderful to play since the experiences could be close to my own (I'd be lying if I said I didn't tear up at parts). Second, I was wondering, would future games explore the topic of polyamory? I'd love to see more visual novels allow room for that and I saw you've explored the topic before.

Keep up the amazing work! ♡

Thank you! We do want to include polyamory in at least some of our future projects. Floret Bond, which might be what you’re referring to when mentioning how we’ve explored the topic before, is on hold unfortunately. So right now I’m not sure when something might release or what will be the first game of ours to come out with poly relationships (we might do something else before FB is done). We’ll have see how things ends up coming together.

Hey um. I feel like im not allowed to ask this on the private discord cuz people will yell at me but why is there so much focus on OL2 and not finishing OL1 stuff? I like the new people but i kind of want to finish cove's story and get derek and baxter stuff first. didn't people pay for it? 

I’m sorry, I don’t understand entirely what’s making that situation a concern. There’s a channel in the discord for critique where no one is allowed to comment back. People can voice things they’re worried about without any way for others to push back on it. And the two teams working on the OL games are different. We try to post pretty often about how we’re hiring brand new people to start on Our Life: Now & Forever. The OL1 team is all still working on OL1 like normal. There’s only more updates on the Patreon for OL2 because the expansions to the first game are mostly script-based at this point while OL2 is just starting to get all its art, which means there’s a lot more to show off as previews.

Also, there was a Kickstarter for the first Our Life, if that’s what you mean by people paying for it. But one of the stretch goals was to start Our Life 2 early, before fully completing Our Life 1, so that the new game could be out sooner. It wouldn’t make sense to stop doing OL2 work because that would be going against what backers were promised. Maybe you didn’t get the full story before and hopefully this clears it up!

Hello! I know it's up to every player but.. What is your recommendation for playing order? Did you ever had any timeline  events planned? 

I didn’t make the events with a planned timeline. The events got made simply as I had ideas for them and then I just kind of organized them from left to right on the screen in an order to space out more dramatic ones between more lighthearted ones. Any order the player wants to go with is totally valid!

Hi! It's Step 4 a paid dlc or update? And how long it's planned to be? Ps. Love the game! 

The Step 4 epilogue is free! The Cove Wedding DLC does cost money, though. Those are planned to be shorter than the usual Steps/DLCs.

Will we have options for what sort of job the MC might have by the time step 4 takes place? 

Yeah, you can. It’s not super exact or detailed, but there are options about it.

Is there a pandemic in Our Life world, or is it just in a better timeline with no pestilence? 

Our Life is pandemic-free! That didn’t exist when we began working on the project and it’s not something we’d like to feature in this story now that it has unfortunately come along, aha.

Hi, you said that you can play tic-tac-toe or hangman with Cove in Boating if you're sick/scared but I keep getting tic-tac-toe. Am I doing something wrong?

After being sick/scared you have to continue to be upset/unwell. If you calm down and decide to just chill you’ll end up playing tic-tac-toe.

Hi, GB Patch! Since Lee was initially commissioned to only appear in two Steps does this mean she won't appear in the Wedding DLC? I really like her character so it'll be a little weird to not have our cousin at our wedding, aha.

She is gonna be in Step 4/the wedding DLC after all! We’re still working with her creator to make sure it fits with what they wanted.

Is Sunset Bird based on a real place? Asking for a friend, not trying to move there or anything. 👀

It’s based on small beach towns in So-Cal, but not one specific town you could go see in real life, I’m afraid. It’d be nice if it was real, though.

—– —– —– —–

We released a new FAQ! It answers common questions and we’ll keep adding more to it. Please check there before sending an ask. FAQ   Also, if you prefer to just see the main posts without all the asks/reblogs, feel free to follow our side account instead: GB Patch Updates Blog

[robertdowneyjjr]

Thank you for your answer to the qu about indio/rdj! It was really nice reading a more positive explanation, honestly. I think the reason it stands out is because its not an isolated incident, like if you read interviews from 2012 onwards, you’ll notice he starts using the singular term ‘kid’ eventho he has 2 and indio was only 18 so its very confusing and thats the case in majority of articles. Also like I said those freudian slips infront of the camera where he’s literally forgotten about his existance and realised and then had to backtrack and correct himself? Not a good look tbh. That being said I dont think he does it maliciously? He just needs to think more because he does it A LOT and i know other people have noticed and commented on it too. I mean the 2014 birthday post thing was just straight up not good and he’s a very emotionally intelligent man so that was definitely a choice. With the dolittle award speech, it was for kca, I would agree w you but the way he specifically said susans name and then exton and avri with little sentences for each is what made it odd. Not to mention he’s never mentioned indio in any of his award speeches and yeah he’s older now but rdj has won numerous awards since he was born but now he’s always mentioning his new kids? Like why such a drastic difference you know? There’s just too many instances so I dont think its the biggest reach but we dont know what their real life is like. It’s just sad to see because its quite obvious that indio has always gotten the shortest end of the stick :( and obv rdj is busy, he’s always away filming or going places and when he isnt, he spends most of the time in his hampton’s place so logistically I dont think they see eachother much — and i say this because i was just thinking about how he’s essentially an only child and his mother isnt doing very well health wise, so yk rdj is basc the only person he really has. I want to think that im exaggerating but honestly i could make a whole book out of the times rdj has acted/insinuated like he only has 2 kids, when age wasnt even relevant. Like even their christmas card from a few years ago, I dont really understand why he didnt include his own son? He wasnt even that old, he had just turned 21 and thats irrelevant anyway, just so odd.... Wow this wasnt meant to be this long, apologies for dragging on and going off on a tangent, i know you dont care too much about this stuff but i really did enjoy reading your opinion! Also idk if what im trying is clear so a small example that isnt very deep is him saying ‘I am married, I have a kid, I have a real life without cameras.’ - from his interview with Times Magazine, Indio was 19 and Exton 1 - ‘A kid’ ? 🥴 like I said not too deep but still weird? Age is not of relevance here, your kid is your kid esp when youre speaking about it the way he is and he basc does this 90% of the time which is why I question it - sorry if ive repeated things again, just wanted to explain my thinking better :)

hmm okay. honestly, i really won’t be giving this much more thought because at the end of the day, it’s really not our business and like i said before, we don’t know what their relationship is and we can’t judge it just from the few social posts and publicly accessible video clips that are available.

it wouldn’t do anyone any good to overanalyze this. i’m generally a glass half full kind of person and i don’t think indio is being overlooked by his parents. robert was extremely supportive of him throughout his trial. he supports his son’s music career which is obviously one of the most important things in indio’s life right now. jimmy (rip angel), who was robert’s right hand man and was basically with him almost every day, was extremely close to indio. davy and travis, who also work closely with robert, also know indio well and interact with him regularly on socials. i just don’t think, if robert and indio had a poor relationship, that his inner circle would be close to indio. but they are, and their obvious connection is robert. for me, by all accounts, i believe he’s being as good a father as he can be for indio.

again, there is a lot we don’t know and we can’t just assume one thing or another just because we get a glimpse into 2% of their lives. we don’t know them personally. we don’t know their family dynamics. we can’t just project and fill in the gaps (and there are a lot of gaps here) when we don’t have all the information, nor is it any of our business, to be honest.

[the-flying-urayuli]

i made a weird post about the little bits in inside that was not put together a while ago so im doing it again out of boredom for the songs

yeah this is not at all put together so this may not be super accurate

content: a great opening song, definetly brings you into the feel of the special. for some reason i get “forced to work into a content factory despite your own issues and cant keep up with it” but eh

comedy: pretty obvious, a satirical song about people praising themselves for doing nothing etc etc with some other parts in it. there is definetly more about this song but i dont know them.

facetime with my mum: tbh i often skip this song? but it could possibly be about people praising themselves for talking and loving there parents but never actually paying attention, helping them or being nice.

how the world works: also obvious, about the corporate corruption and manipulation. also possibly noteable. its framed as a sort of kids puppet show, so possibly could also be refferencing all that corporate almost propaganda to convice children just to buy. this has been referenced a couple times in the special? but this is the first one.

white womans instagram: ive seen plenty of great interpretations of this song and this isnt my own but its that this girl is clearly dealing with a lot of her own problems, i.e her mums death, but she keeps faking herself to be the most perfect person on the internet or something like that. but thats nice

unpaid intern: i believe bo explained this himself-

bezoes 1: i used to love this song but it being used on tiktok so much sorta just made me sick of it. not much to say about this song, kinda obvious and straightfoward its about jeffery bezoes’  horrific acts for his own gain

sexting: not much to say here, if anyone has a good analysis of this song please give it to me

look whos inside again: fucking bop, has to be one of my favourites. also quite straightfoward. bo talks about how as a child he was just a kid stuck in his room, doing what he liked and he actually liked doing it, but now its just a 

problematic: could be a couple things, either bo talking about his own problematic past and finally adressing it and coming to terms with it, which is probably it. it could also could be like unpaid intern and it could be a satire on glowup pop songs. instead of talking about how amazing you are and denying any past its facing those things directly and being straightfoward with your emotions? something like that

30: not much to say, about the terrifying feeling of growing older and scared of growing irrelevant. something along those lines

dont wanna know: this song on the omnichord is my ringtone. like content its for right after the intermission and its bo wanting know more about what you think of the show and asking questions to the audience but not wanting to know.

shit: a groovy song about depression

all time low: about a panic attack, is this the shortest song on the album?

welcome to the internet: about the internet and all of just the shit thats on here. possibly ties in to bo’s opinion on not thinking the internet should be free to everyone and as someone who literally never gets of the internet i have to agree. but yeah its a song about how the internet has so many different things right next to each other that anyone can access, and how so many different groups can manipulate it. such as corporations, scams, cyberbulliers, pedos, propaganda and misinformation spreaders etc etc

bezoes 2: pretty quick song, probably more ties into bo just not wanting to stop the special. this song is quite quick, lacks a lot of what other inside songs have and is just a redo of another existing song, which isnt in any other existing song on the album. so possibly its bo slowly getting sloppier with the songs just wanting to keep it going and never finish and no longer worries about things that the rest of the special had? idk

that funny feeling: thank you reddit for telling me what the funny feeling actually is and now that i know like- holy shit this song is amazing and always makes me sad. for other dumbasses like me, this song is about that feeling of we have the materials to improve the world but we just dont, through lazziness and people who dont do anything just cause it doesnt affect them. its that feeling of sitting there, knowing that you want to help save the enviroment but just 15 minutes later you know you wont do anything.

all eyes on me: i honestly dont know? i have plenty of ideas but i sure dont remember them rn and they arent that good, same thing with the ending of the special. but like god this song is an experience

goodbye: this has to be one of my top songs of this special. however i dont have many theories on it? or at least that i can think of rn

any day now: just the outro song, however i have seen some people it has a double meaning of both talking about the credits ending or the lockdown

[purplepalmdelight]

why life is still okay (rambling fic rec pt. 1)

firstly: shout out to @trulyalpha for apparently owning my entire bookmarks page on ao3 (bc i only realised all my favourite fics were written by the same person,,, yesterday. bc im really smart like that) anyway breakdown of why she’s a stoncy saving grace thanks!!!

you ease my mind, you make everything feel fine.

(https://archiveofourown.org/works/13842039)

yes this fic is from 2018. yes i read it every other week. it’s good for the SOUL. jonathan getting taken care of is always just such a good and sweet concept (maybe it’s my intense, undying love of him, but he deserves to be taken care okay) and. okay i’ll admit, sometimes i forget how fucking FUNNY this fic is, but it’s genuinely hilarious, okay? you gotta trust me on this. it makes me cackle at inappropriate times absurdly often. ("Hi." "Hi." "I want you, you fuck." is a top line. i laugh so hard every TIME.) all three of them are so incredibly in character, and somehow this NAILS the fact that they’re all massive disasters pretending to be confident. and i’m not someone that reads ~smut~ often (though it’s more mentioned than described, very non-explicit) but this didn’t make me even the least bit uncomfortable. it felt very natural and in character and made me laugh as much as the rest of the story. all in all, i always come away a little more in love with the characters, and that’s a really precious feeling.

you could be the one to make me feel something

(https://archiveofourown.org/works/14269476/chapters/32912745)

i take back everything i’ve ever claimed. this IS the funniest piece of writing i’ve ever read, and it WILL remain so, probably until the day i die. i honestly... barely have words. my expectations were high when i started it, but in retrospect, they were LEAGUES below what i got. the characterisation, the progression, the dialogue, the story; from the overarching aspects to the tiny details, it’s impeccable. i genuinely read this twice in one day, and then again the next. every single part of it is so good, but in terms of FAVOURITES... the christmas section. hilarious. down to its bones, well crafted and heart felt. it hits me right in the chest every time. the story, from the beginning, has me just as in love with nancy and steve as jonathan is, and as everything grows more intense, so does my investment. it pulls me in and doesn’t let me go until it’s good and ready to see me leave. again, the sexy aspects are so in character and natural that it’s uncomfortable or weird to read and instead just leave me grinning like an idiot. also ( “It did frustrate me, in more ways than one. It’s also a weird plan, like … did you expect me to be so overwhelmed by the power of a boner that I’d just admit my feelings?” is SUCH a funny line, i think about it literally every day. literally. every. day.) the characters are afraid to be messy, to make mistakes, and they all feel so ALIVE that when i leave the story, i feel like i’m leaving a friend. it’s honestly beautiful and honestly breathtaking. this story is better than a lot of published books, honestly, and i’m so grateful for it. so thank you.

i crash my car ‘cause i wanna get carried away!

(https://archiveofourown.org/works/17131202)

...you really wanted to make me cry, huh? i cried out of grief, yeah, out of the depth of nancy’s guilt and the pure rawness of her mourning, but i also cried out of catharsis as she came to terms, and out of laughter a few times. the bit about total eclipse of the heart as a motif was... that was so well done. i hate drawing comparisons, so please understand that this is criticism of a concept and not a particular story, but in so many stories then nancy’s grief feels... trivialised? that’s not quite the right word. romanticised, maybe. as someone who has lost a friend in the past, it’s just... it doesn’t feel realistic? and that’s okay, because it’s hard to nail something you haven’t experienced, and i wouldn’t wish the experience on anyone. it’s just that stories like this, where i can really resonate with nancy and follow the journey of her recovery WITH her are so rare. this story is a gem, it really is. i don’t love it for all the same reasons as the others, but i love it fiercely all the same.

there’s nothing magic going on, and then along came you

(https://archiveofourown.org/works/14994137)

sure, you could be the one is the funniest fic i’ll probably ever read, but nothing magic is such a close second. it’s laugh-out-loud, get-tears-in-your-eyes, fall-out-of-your-chair, and it’s also so goddamn SWEET i can hardly stand it. of the several fics i generally group together in my head (nothing magic, you could be the one + its sequels (might have to make an individual post about this series), laugh until we think we’ll die, and got nothing for you; all very similar, yet incredibly unique) nothing magic is the shortest, but that doesn’t mean it compromises on quality, oh no. it just means i can read it quicker, and therefore more often! when it’s late and i’m tired and i need a laugh to calm down before i sleep, i generally go search this fic up. remember when i mentioned the whole “being just as in love with nancy and steve as jonathan is” thing? it’s like that except... almost funnier. in you could be the one, it’s just that the story naturally tugs you into adoring these two messy, silly, sweet, amazing young adults, because how could you not? how else could you possibly feel? but here, they are genuinely just... that funny. they are actually just so funny that you as a reader click with them and find yourself grinning like an IDIOT because oh my god you’re disasters. maybe it’s the inherent relatability of a tired highschooler trying to make it through the summer and hating his job along the way, but this fic hits right in the heart every damn time.

got nothing for you other than love

(https://archiveofourown.org/works/17596658)

"You trust me," she says.

They both know it's a fact, not question, but he still says, "Of course."

and

By then, his shell wasn't something he could step out of. It was part of him. But that was okay. He didn't need more. What he had was enough.

He always did have trouble with wanting more.

and

"Hey, babe?" Nancy turns her head to look at Steve, touching his shoulder. "Can you buy me a drink?"

"Sure thing. What d'ya want?"

"Surprise me. Not like that time we were here and you snuck out the store, went to a smoothie stand, and came back with a mango smoothie."

Steve grins. "But I did surprise you."

and

"Do you have food in the backseat?"

"The sandwich has only been there for like, two weeks—"

and

"Ugh. Too much cheese. I'm lactose-intolerant, remember?"

"False, you're not intolerant of anyone except people over the age of fifteen with bowl cuts and guys who wear shorts in the winter."

and

"Where are you off to? I'm your only friend," Kali says, frowning.

and

"You good, man?"

"Yeah," he says, his throat dry, "I'm great."

"Yeah, you are," Nancy says, and he is. He is.

and i can’t continue because that’s, like, barely halfway into the fic and i’ve already skipped so many of my favourite lines and i would have to skip so many more. you see what i mean about sathana being funny as hell? and like all the others, it’s not just the humour here. i mean... it is, because it’s SO FUCKING FUNNY I LITERALLY CANNOT SAY THAT ENOUGH but the reason it’s so funny is because it’s so candid. it’s so smooth. the whole thing flows. you’re not left feeling that you’ve missed a piece or that anything was sacrificed; you just feel like you’ve read something incredible. this fic is an experience of its own that i honestly have never experienced before. it’s sweet, and it’s gentle, and it’s just so overwhelmingly good that i don’t think i’ll ever quite get over it. in short? it’s a blessing. my expectations were high, but holy fuck did you blow them to bits.

one more favourite line:

Things are ending, things are starting, and everything looks bright. It won't always be that way. The sun's got to set at some point. But, gazing up at the sky, at the pink bleeding into orange, Jonathan figures it'll have to rise again. No matter what happens, these two things are constant.

"Hey, you look awfully lonely," Nancy calls out, walking towards him, reaching out to him with the hand not in Steve's.

Well. Maybe not just those two things.

that scene, in general, is beautiful, and it wraps the story up on such a genuine note. it feels like a film with how clearly i can picture it. it feels like no fic i’ve ever really read before. it feels... good. i guess i don’t really have the words. it just feels so good.

as an overall statement on why i call her my favourite author... it’s the realism. maybe that’s surprising, considering how many times i said “funny” or “hilarious” in here, but in the end, i wouldn’t be so attached to her work if it didn’t feel so real. i can open a tab and instantly get transported to a home i’ve never lived in. it’s comfortable. it’s sweet. and the dialogue/banter is always perfectly crafted. there’s just never really a downside to her fics, honestly. even if i wanted to search, i don’t think i’d find one. not even one of those “their only problem is that there’s not more to enjoy” kind of comments, because every single one feels perfectly crafted in its own right. it doesn’t need more or less. it stands for itself and it’s goddamn good at it.

i didn’t anticipate having to do multiple parts on this post, but- surprise surprise- i haven’t even gotten to my favourite one yet! so yeah, pt. 2 will be written after i finish the history essay trying to murder me, god knows when that is. in the meantime, please go give her some love and adoration. she deserves it.

[fursasaida]

this is totes random sorry pls feel free to ignore but is there a 'STATE' that's completely independent from like elected government, heads of state, partisan politics etc.. like what's this state that some ppl talk abt that doesn't include the elected president? e.g."korea and france have greater deference to state." is there polisci literature/concept on this? what is this STATE that doesn't include the president or CDC head nominated by said president? im sorry im just so ignorant of polisci

This is not at all an ignorant question! This is a huge issue people argue about--maybe less in poli sci than in other social sciences, because poli sci has gone so completely up its own quantitative ass that it has abandoned what should be its obvious theoretical domain and so other disciplines have kind of taken over this kind of question. There are full professors who cannot answer this question (I know because some of them are on my listservs).

So: what is the state. Seriously, really, there is no one widely accepted answer to this. So I’ll go through a few of them under the cut for you. This ended up being really long because it’s something I’ve been thinking about lately, so the simplest, shortest answer to your question is the first one.

1. Institutions

In this view, “the state” means the institutions and bureaucracy that stay on when political leadership changes. The political leadership is called either “the regime” when we want to imply it’s evil or “the administration” or “the government” when we don’t. (I think this terminology is silly and “the regime” should mean the whole arrangement plus some other things--as in a regime of power--without negative or positive implications, but I don’t make the rules.)

Obviously these two things are not firewalled apart. Elected officials can alter the state through policy and/or direct reforms (creating, merging, or eliminating existing state organizations), and the existing state can constrain what elected officials can do through anything from ethics laws to bureaucratic foot-dragging. (In the US context, when we talk about “political appointees,” we mean high-level officials in “the state” that get appointed by elected leaders, but they take over organizations generally staffed by people who have come up through the bureaucracy and are supposed to be “apolitical,” i.e. just there to do a technical/bureaucratic job. So that’s another way that the two blur.) A great example of this would be what happened with the US’s Syria policy under Trump. Trump (”the administration”) wanted to pull out of Syria. The Pentagon, The State Department, various diplomatic branches, etc. (”the state”) did not. The state succeeded in putting him off executing his desired policy for years, even though as the Commander In Chief Trump in theory had really extensive authority to do whatever he wanted. Eventually he exercised that authority and state officials found themselves scrambling madly to try and salvage something of their preferred policy, which is how the US military ended up with this ridiculous non-presence in NE Syria. Another example would be the attempt to take down the USPS.

That’s why partisan politics and elected leaders are excluded from “the state” in this view; “the state” forms the organizational containers that those movements and individuals fill, and the structures they seek to act on or act from. You can think of it like the ground they stand on. This doesn’t have to mean it is itself “apolitical,” since the terrain has implications for everyone standing on it, but it is the object or delivery channel of politics, not politics itself. (Again I don’t agree with this, but it’s what you’re seeing reflected in the discourse you’re talking about.)

When people go on about “the deep state” they’re espousing a conspiratorial version of this view, where they think the ~real behind-the-scenes power lies in these institutions and the long-term bureaucrats who (sometimes) staff and run them. Definitely some power does lie there, but the conspiracists overweigh this into an Elders of Zion type thing.

2. A sovereign entity.

This is more about distinguishing states from other kinds of political entities, and as a result it’s less concerned with fine distinctions about what is and isn’t “political.” The idea is that there are lots of political structures and systems in the world (anything from tribal law to international associations like NATO) but not all of them are states. States are distinguished from other things by virtue of sovereignty. The classic definition (from Max Weber) of sovereignty is “a monopoly on the legitimate use of violence within a clearly bounded territory.” In other words, a state’s police, military, national guard, security forces, etc. have a license to use violence within its borders that no one else has--anyone else engaging in violence is a criminal. It is these groups’ status as “agents of the state” that grants them this license. The bordered, yes/no territorial nature of this status--Turkish security forces have no mandate to act in Greece and vice versa--is also distinctive; fixed, defined, cartographic borders are not necessarily a given. In this view, all power and indeed all law is ultimately founded in violence (enforcement), so what matters is who/what can use force with impunity. (When the state’s monopoly on force is challenged in its territory--e.g., Hizballah making war on Israel without the Lebanese army, the original Zapatistas forming a breakaway region during the Mexican Civil War, or any occupation by a foreign force--then the state’s sovereignty is “weakened” or “under attack,” etc.)

Lots of people have criticized and elaborated on this definition. I don’t want to go on forever about all the critiques that exist, but basically in reality, sovereignty is not a yes/no binary where either you have it completely or you don’t have it at all. Things tend to be more mixed and blurry. It also has more dimensions: two important examples are 1) controlling and disposing of the territory itself (exploiting natural resources, moving people around, etc.), and 2) recognition. In many cases, the difference between a state and a non-state is whether other states recognize it as such, i.e. act like it is one. So for example, the Turkish Republic of Northern Cyprus exercises sovereignty and has a state bureaucracy, elections, etc., but because it is not recognized by ~the international community~ it isn’t “a state.” (This isn’t just semantics; it may seem arbitrary when you just think about what goes on inside the TRNC, but when its citizens try to emigrate, for example, they encounter very specific, concrete problems on this basis--e.g., their passports will not be recognized as valid.)

I find this more useful personally, especially because it doesn’t assume a liberal democratic state--it can apply to a dictatorship or a monarchy or whatever you like. But in practice, i.e. how people use it, I still think this approach is frequently too worried about pinning down differences that aren’t always useful. On the one hand, I wrote my BA thesis about how Hamas and Hizballah aren’t states (it was common for a while to refer to them as “states within states”) while also not just being political parties, terrorist organizations, service providers, or any of the other things they get tagged with, precisely because of the way they relate to the Palestinian and Lebanese states. This is worth understanding because it helps explain their political projects and their successes. On the other hand, I don’t think it’s very helpful to go around arguing that, say, ISIS was a state (or state-like) and the Houthis are not because of some detail of how they think/thought about territory, or courts, or bureaucracy. Like what do you get out of making that distinction. If you want to argue that a tribal council somewhere is “the state” for its context I think that’s fine depending on what you’re trying to get at. It all depends on what kind of question you want to answer, and on what scale.

3. There’s no such thing.

This view recognizes that the state is a salad bowl full of different organizations, individuals, ideologies, etc. that do not actually all work in lockstep together or have the same goals. To talk about “the state” is to reinforce the fallacy of unified power and cooperation. Instead, we should recognize that actors within states have their own agendas, institutional cultures, power struggles, etc., and that whatever the state does is the outcome of 1) these internal dynamics, 2) the ability of different external actors (from citizens to foreign governments) to play on/appeal to/push back against different pieces of the state, and 3) the interactions of 1 and 2.

This to me is common sense. You just have to be careful not to take it too far. We can acknowledge that the state is internally differentiated/not any one single thing without going so far away from what most people understand about their worlds. There’s no point saying “there’s no such thing as a state” when people still have to pay taxes.

4. "The state effect,” or: there both is and is not any such thing

This idea, put forward by Tim Mitchell, is my favorite. It is also the subtlest, and a little tricky to explain, but I think it’s the most useful.

This view steps back and looks at all the endless, elaborate debates about every possible nicety of “stateness” and says: perhaps we are asking the wrong question here. Maybe it doesn’t matter what the state is. Maybe it matters what the state seems to be; how it seems to be that; and what “resources of power” are generated by these impressions.

This is the tricky explanation part, so bear with me for a few paragraphs.

Where exactly do we draw the line between “the state” and “civil society”? Are NGOs and nonprofits part of the state? What if they get government funding? Especially in a neoliberal context, when so much policymaking is done through contractors, consultants, tax breaks, etc., are these kinds of organizations not carrying out the state’s agenda, consciously or otherwise? Okay, that’s tough, let’s try something easier: individual people and families aren’t the state. But if a household depends on an income from state employment, does that not affect their politics and their actions in society? Is a person “part of the state” in one building and not in another? How do we account for the way off-duty cops behave, for example, then? You can do this same exercise for “the economy” or any of the other things that are supposedly separate things/domains that the state manages. How can, e.g., the American economy be separate from the state when the state prints and guarantees the currency, sets interest rates, enforces contracts, and generally sets the terms on which the economy can exist? (Going back to your original question, you could probably also do this same exercise re: political parties, or partisanship.)

The point here is not that absolutely everything is actually the state. The point is also not that there is no state. It’s that there are not firm lines. Amazon may be the state when it builds systems for the Pentagon even though it is also, clearly, a private company and not part of the state’s institutions or subject to the same kinds of political controls that state institutions are. Similarly, the state itself is not one smooth solid object (as in #3). But it seems obvious, common sense, that “the economy” is a thing, just as “public health” is a thing, etc., and both of these things are objects of state management/governance/power.

This makes it easy for political leadership to make claims on the basis of these other things as separate “objects.” I.e., “we need to take drastic action to save the economy.” So the impression of these divisions can be used to justify or legitimate state action. You can see this super clearly in the current coronavirus situation. How many times have we been told the US has to “reopen” for “the economy,” and how many times has it been pointed out that the government could just take its own economic measures to allow people to stay home--because “the economy” is not some separate object that works by itself. (I myself had to explain to a friend that the government couldn’t just switch the economy back on by “reopening.” I think we underestimate how powerful these conceptual divisions really are in people’s understanding of how the world works.)

So, therefore, “the state” is the effect of ideas and practices that make things that political leaders and institutions do seem like they form a freestanding, separate structure, a thing, that we call “the state.” It is the ensemble of all these pieces (as noted in #3), and said pieces often include things that are generally thought of as not the state; these lines between state/nonstate shift all the time. What matters is not where the line is at any given moment but what the particular configuration allows state power (including the consideration of force from #2 and the structural concerns from #1) to do.

The problem I have with this is that it doesn’t really account for state capacity very well, but that’s for another day because I haven’t figured it out via paper-writing yet.

[gg-astrology]

Can you tell us 10 things about you? and about ur friends irl? How u met them/ how long u know them/ what u like to do with them? This is gonna sound nosy but how's ur love life hdjsks LISTEN YOU'RE LIKE MY DREAM BEST FRIEND AND I WANT TO KNOW EVERYTHING ABOUT YOU AND ACT LIKE WE'RE TOTES HOMIES OKAY IM A VIRGO SUN PISCES MOON smh a girl is cURIOUS AND (platonically) IN LOVE WITH YOU 😖❤❤❤❤

Hey there!! 💕💓❤️ Oh wow!!!! 💕💓❤️💕💓❤️ Don’t worry this is fine!! I’m actually -- like, really happy and giddily flustered you’d want to get to know me!? 💕💓❤️ I’m really flattered and really grateful/touched aaaaaaa only virgo/pisces deserve rights, my current wife is also a virgo/pisces this is obviously some kind of synastry destiny (jk *wink wonk?*)!! 💕💓❤️thank you for caring about me!!! 💕💓❤️💕💓❤️💕💓❤️💕💓❤️

Yeah sure!! 💕💓❤️I can tell you more things about me!! 💕💓❤️

Disclaimer? I think it’s good for the audience to know where I’m coming from and who I am? I just think transparency/knowing who you’re talking to is important because knowing who I am, can also help you and me see where my flaws are and where I may be coming from! 💕💓❤️ Or what I provide, but where I might miss my mark somewhere, y know? 💕💓❤️ Not to say you have to judge me, I just don’t see the point in not just being who I am and saying yeah I can see where I took the L there. It’s just-- better? for future endeavors as well? So here we are? 

More about me? In sections?

10 things about me? 

I’ll start with this since it’s the shortest!

This may come off as totally random but I do better in colder climate than hotter ones -- even though I currently live in a tropical island 

I used to live in the US!

I actually have a designated place where I go to sit, open up my laptop and answer asks from tumblr. I sit outside my little patio and stare out at my garden, and then answer qs from here!

This means I’m always subjected to the Wild Life coming at me unexpectedly sometimes, but my cat also visits me at my table! So it balances out! 

My favourite drink is milk but I like plant-based ones, or rice milk? Or the lactose free ones! They’re delicious! 

Cherries are my favourite snacks but I usually get them once every 3 months -- so the result is I don’t tend to snack often. This is by design of me trying to Not Snack + using my pickiness to weaponize against myself and my eating habits.

To unwind I watch cat/animal videos on youtube before I go to sleep - it’s not very effective because I have to keep my eyes open to see, plus I always end up making cooing noises at the screen -- so I’m not sure when if it’s actually making me sleepy or not. But it’s working so far so I’m continuing to do it.

I have very specific knowledge of certain things in very acute details + link/resources of further studies on the topic, but otherwise I have 0.5 braincells most of the time, just a lot of Forbidden Knowledge.

I have a folder of cursed memes and that’s all you need to know about my sense of humour I think? 

Love life?

I am currently single! 💕💓❤️ Gf application is always open! 💕💓❤️ However, I’d like everyone of you to know I’m a 95 liner and I will not accept applications from those born after 98′ 💕💓❤️

Although I’m bi + had ex-bf before... I am (as of right now) on the fence about men personally in my personal life (disclaimer) because I’ve got a week of quarantine, thus I haven’t been doing the do and can think clearly for once. I am contemplating. Men. And the necessity in life. Y know? 

Although my love life is free!! I am not excused from the occasional panic of having a crush (annually). I’m lucky enough to go through it just once every year, but every time it happens I am an absolutely clown + always in turmoil. It’s what happens when you’re a sag venus who can’t control your p***y brain. Luckily, my crush just have to insult me or make me explain things from my past and then I’d be too traumatize to crush on them again. It’s quite effective, and works out best for all of us! 💕💓❤️

I’ll refrain from talking about my ex because I know I have a habit of recounting the good and being mushy. Even if we ended it on rocky terms. So! I’ll save everyone from that. 💕💓❤️    

Friends (expanded, clarifications?) 

The ones I mention on the blog are usually 

taurus/taurus, 

cancer/cancer, 

leo/libra, 

leo/cap (x2), 

virgo/sag, 

libra/aries (x2), 

scorpio/sag, 

scorpio/cap, 

sag/taurus, 

pisces/scorpio, 

pisces/aqua,  

Oof that’s alot.. This might be better to outline in a timeline format... so leo/libra, scorpio/sag, libra/aries and partially virgo/sag are whom I grew up for the majority of my childhood-teenage life! 💕💓❤️ 

They obviously made a very big impact on me! 💕💓❤️ They’re with me through thick/thin, leo/libra (sag rising) is the extrovert of the bunch. He’s one of my best friends, close guy friend, most of the time I too find him a little exasperating because he’s.. well its his problem so nevermind, but he’s also very endearing! 💕💓❤️ If it wasn’t for him-- well, there’s also another leo I thought was very endearing in a little brother kind of way. So leos to me have a very positive influence in my life, they’re very cute especially when they ask for your attention. I think they are like puppies/kitties when they are needy, and their blatant way of just being themselves always makes me feel refreshed + I  admire them for it. In the end, I’m totally heart-eyes endeared for Leos! 💕💓❤️

Scorpio/sag is also my best friend! 💕💓❤️ She’s a taurus rising, and she’s so sweet, kind, chatty and very open/friendly to people! 💕💓❤️ Her, my cousin (who’s also a scorpio but a scorpio/pisces), and quite a few of my other best friends who are scorpios - actually made me realize they’re not like what they’re usually describe as. Maybe that’s just me? But I think they’re very sweet and comforting to be around, not to mention they’re quite supportive and willing to listen when you’re having a tough time with something!! 💕💓❤️The pillar of support and one of the few rare people I don’t mind interacting with (actually crave interacting with them) because of just how chill they are, I wish more people recognize that in a scorpio! 💕💓❤️

Libra/Aries is one of my longest childhood friend, probably from birth! 💕💓❤️ He’s a supportive big brother type figure. But he can be very silly and he doesn’t hold himself so seriously most of the time! 💕💓❤️ Whilst he’s very understanding and quite nosy with others, he tries to be subtle/sleek but he isn’t! I think he’s very endearing when he wants to be, and he deserves someone who loves him lots as well 💕💓❤️ We reunited for the first time in 6 years the other day? And I think we both ended up crying a little and holding hands because we miss each other alot! 💕💓❤️ It was very nice, I think he’s much more emotional (just suppressed) than what people realize! 💕💓❤️ He’s very caring though - like willing to talk you through your problems and make sure you’re taken care of, back on your feet, but also willing to smile scarily at people who’ve hurt you and actually take them to court/yell at them for you. I think its very sweet! 💕💓❤️

Virgo/Sag is someone I hung out with for a short period of time, but kept in contact with periodically throughout my life because we ended up going through similar majors/path in life! 💕💓❤️ She’s someone who’s very caring, wants to take care of you, when she’s endeared by you she makes sure to dote on you often! 💕💓❤️ Actually, she’s born a day after Namjoon I think? But that’s not the point, the thing is - she’s my virgo/sag and when she’s not by my virgo/sag she’s super cool and I can see that many of our friend respects her/think she’s very mature + she’s the Shit! 💕💓❤️ I really admire her too and I think she’s super cool, but more than that, I love how caring and tender she is. She’s the best 💕💓❤️

These are the people I grew up with, and then I went to college and met/lived with Scorpio/Cap + Pisces/Scorpio+Aqua. 

Scorpio/Cap and I actually hit it off since the first day? We were in orientation, and we’re both talkative I guess! But in similar ways. He appreciates my bluntness/sense of humour and I like that he’s sarcastic and the only one engaging enough to be around/paying attention to what’s happening. We went to a house party together and then had 1 class together the semester. After that, me and him decided we’d live together off campus (along with our other friend who fell through, I think he’s a Leo?) - whilst we lived together we share majors in the same division, on holidays or at night after class, we’d grab dinner together + walk there, or we’d eat at home and binge watch a marathon he’d pick together. 💕💓❤️ It’s really fun! 💕💓❤️ 

Both of us like cooking, so he’d make dishes/drinks and I’d do that and we’d coerced each other to hang out in the living space together. Basically, we’re there to force each other to socialize/hang out with people and also encourage each other. It’s very fun! But we also had moments where we’d buy each other dinner/go to art galleries/exhibit together. There’s more serious too of course, like talking about our problems or worrying about stuff. But I think I found someone who looks out for me/I can look out for him, be confidants for each other and not be embarrassed with each other. Besides this, he also found my p0rn collection and suddenly mentioned it when we’re on campus so now I can never unfriend him because he has blackmail material on me. I’m forced to be his friends forever now. 

Pisces/Cap and Pisces/Aqua are my roommates after Scorpio/Cap - actually, Pisces/cap invited me to live with them when I was finding a place, it was very fortunate! 💕💓❤️ We’re all close friends because we live in the same hall during first year, plus me and Pisces/cap (and a Gemini friend) would get drunk + go to parties together so!! This is very convenient! 💕💓❤️

Actually.. Pisces/cap, me and Gemini friend.. I went with Gemini friend to buy his apartment with him (along with his friends, I’m good friends with them too) and Pisces/cap went with him to buy furnitures lmao! 💕💓❤️ And then me and Pisces/cap moved in together, although I didn’t room with them. I roomed with Pisces/Aqua whom till this date is my favourite roommate I’ve ever lived with! 💕💓❤️

It’s a little messy with Pisces/Cap but not in a? bad way? at all? Like we’re close friends who still talk often, but they did confess once over the holidays, and I turned them down (that was when I was about to move in) - we did make out along with pisces/aqua but like.. that’s... I guess that’s normal for college y know? We did a couple projects together for their class, like a comic about me and gemini friend, poems, photography, I drew them something. And I think they did have something with Gemini friend as well but! Gemini friend moved away on the last year so it never went anywhere there. 

But these are all good memories we had together and it’s not like-- bad at all, I don’t ever think badly at them for it because it was honest to them/for them, it was their emotions and tenderness from the heart? I can’t ever look down on anyone for that or judge them for being true to themselves, I actually think they’re very brave to be able to heal themselves and process things especially involving emotions like that. I also think these are all precious and honest memories, being friends with them definitely helped me grow my EQ by so much. Without them, I’d be very close-minded today! 💕💓❤️ 

Pisces/aqua is my roommate for a long time, and I love them to bits too! 💕💓❤️ They have two cats, both I love so so much and would sacrifice getting up for very often! 💕💓❤️ More than that, Pisces/aqua is so smart and able to pick things up immediately! It’s honestly very admirable, how they pierce things together. Whether it’s tarot or astrology, they’re the one who got me into this actually? 💕💓❤️ It was their interest before it became mine through proxy or maybe osmosis lmao, but they’re quite judgey and sometimes have a ? idk, superiority complex/elitist attitude towards stuff sometimes? So I never really talked about it much with them because it can get really frustrating sometimes 💕💓❤️ I do love them lots though, I can be ignorant of a lot of things and really slow on the uptake, but they’re very nice and kind and patient with me - honestly they’re as patient as a saint sometimes with me. And I’m really really thankful to them for it! 💕💓❤️ They’re getting married this year to a Scorpio! 💕💓❤️

Taurus/taurus and Cancer/cancer are my college best friends. Actually we hang out outside of class too! 💕💓❤️ I celebrated cancer/cancer’s birthday with them and their friends/roommates and it’s really fun. Heres why it’s -- like, momentous. It’s because my college classmates are more like colleagues or co-workers, so we don’t usually have that kind of camaraderie outside of first year. Plus, we’re all kind of working or busy with our private life outside of class - so it’s hard to reconvene that with who you know in classrooms. 

They like their private life separated from the college one, which is what I prefer as well. I really adore them though, since we have a major that usually makes us get little to no sleep and have to stay at school at night-till morning most nights (for programs on the computer or printing facilities, rip) -- they’re the one who would either stay up with me, working together at the same table and we can ask each other for fresh eyes on our work. Or they’d motivate me to go home and not be stupid to stay at school. Or they’d drive me home so they know I get back safely/on time. It’s just -- I adore them so much they’re very very good! 💕💓❤️

Taurus/Taurus is also a college best friend whom I befriended later on in the years, they’re really sweet! 💕💓❤️ We have more of a friendship where we spend time outside together, walking in the city trying out a new cake store or just going back to their place to play games or talk about what else we have going on in our lives. They’re really busy!! Since they’re involved in church activities, they travel to another town an hour away every sunday - their dedication to their work, school and church (AND spending time with their fiance’s family + fiance) is amazing! 💕💓❤️ They also got me my first job at the firm they’re working in, in our last years - I made sure they’re not too tired and get their work done on time so they don’t rush their finished project. Or give better advice if the teacher is making them fume. I really like them lots too, we had alot of fun together AND they’re a foodie! 💕💓❤️

There’s another Libra/Aries whom I knew from college, while I was still living with Scorpio/Cap - I was in another town/not the same town as the Pisces back then. But Libra/Aries was close and she’d come by often! We’d travel the city together, lay on the lawn, go to parks together or exhibit. They’re very proactive and we spend a lot of time talking about work and projects, personal interests, when we watch movies together - we’d spend time sitting in cafes after watching them to talk for hours/until closing about the movie ( ‘we have alot to unpack’) -- they’re a lot of fun to talk to because they’re just as intense about stuff! 💕💓❤️ And their interest is genuine, give good hugs, a little too loud for our cats but she means well! 💕💓❤️ 

This is brief recount of everyone, mostly focusing on activities we did together but knowing them as people obviously made a big impression on me! 💕💓❤️ 

Leo/Caps are people I met since I finished college/working now, they’re my two admins on the blog actually! 💕💓❤️So internet friends, but I really click with and they’re soothing + fun to be around when I’m home/anywhere! 💕💓❤️ 

Sag/Taurus is also another internet friend, I’ve known her for a year now? But man, every conversation is an adventure and she’s so fun to be around! 💕💓❤️ Also very sweet and an extremely kind person, in a fire sign kind of way. Which means a lot of gawking from me and very loud laughs. But yes! 💕💓❤️ Very good people! 💕💓❤️

I do have friends from work... but well we’re not close enough for me to actually consider them good friends/talk about them personally? They’re nice! But I have yet to form a more positive opinion about them - it’s positive and negative, so I’ll see who survives and come through as a person I’d like to hang out with outside of work. 💕💓❤️

To Virgo/Pisces anon: 

Here’s my best friend application do I make the cut please reply 💕💓❤️

[longeyelashedtragedy]

Writer ask meme

I was tagged by the flamazing @feedingmyinsomnia​ <333 and i will tag...if you want!... @perfectpiety @amethyst-fox-jv @ayerlind @sitkowski and anyone else who writes who sees this!  but you don’t have to, just feel honored that i tagged you ;)

ao3 name: catmanu!

fandoms: currently writing in the football (as in soccer) rpf fandom, but always have other things on my mind as well.

number of fics: i’ve written SO many in my lifetime and most have never been published anywhere.

fic i spent the most time on: technically “exit right” because it took me like...a year and a half to write it?  in terms of like...period of time spent actively writing it’s definitely “trophy boyfriend.”

fic i spent the least amount of time on: either “fly faster!” which i wrote in like, an hour or “jet ski još čeka” which i wrote over the course of a day.

shortest fic: my shortest standalone fic on ao3 is “the world drowned” at 370 words--my ancient shireen baratheon/rickon stark futurefic 

most hits / most kudos / most comment threads / most bookmarks / highest total word count:  ok im leaving out the drabble collections.  omg without even looking i know this is all gonna be fuckin... “captivated” because i’m The arya/jaqen person on ao3 even now.  let’s see.  most hits: “captivated,” most kudos: “captivated,” most comment threads: “trophy boyfriend,” most bookmarks: “captivated,” highest total word count: “trophy boyfriend.”  sigh

favorite fic i wrote: omg i think i made a post like this recently?   most recently my favorite fics are “trophy boyfriend,” “5.VII.,” “ça c’est ma dope,” “what we do in the élysée,” “victory rain,” “the heat of it all,” “soy loca con mi tigre,” “chief of the armed forces.”  in the past i love all my arya/jaqen stuff so much.  i really do love most of what i’ve written that i posted, but these stand out to me.  oh, and how could i forget-- “modernity towering in front of the sky.” still slaps tbqh

fic i want to rewrite/expand on: everything i’ve written is its own thing.  i don’t usually write things that require a sequel or anything, so there isn’t really anything i can think of?

share a bit of a wip or story idea you’re working on:, ok, so, ahhhh.  i post a lot from my current big ass wip “mare liberum,” but another thing i’m agonizing over is my šluka (šime & luka) longfic “we light up the world.”  i thought it was going to be a fun little jaunt but it’s killing me because there’s not much of a precedent for it and i honestly have no idea how to write the pov.  F in the chat for my pov.  but sigh, i’ll stick a bit of it below; read at your own risk...

Tonight there really is a reason for him to be available and he’s had enough rakija on an empty enough stomach (what was the last thing he ate? How come he can’t remember?) to feel like putting his hand on Luka Modrić’s strong heroic leg and leaning into his face till their noses touched just like on Zadar beach and saying…well, he’s not sure what he’d say.  But he has to pretend he’s sober because Luka is pretty sober and his whole family is here anyway.

Fuck it!  They should have just done the grapes thing!

Šime pulls out his phone and makes Deki a Happy New Year! video instead.  It feels really good to talk to Dejan, even if he can’t talk back.

He gets an idea in the middle of this.  “Hey, look,” he says to his phone.   “Look who’s here with me.  Wait for it…wait for it…HEY…CAPTAIN!”

At least Luka looks happy to see him, and that makes him feel warm all over, warmer than you get from drinking alone.  He turns away from Vanja.  “What’s up?”

“Wanna say hi to Dejan with me?  Say hi, Captain Luka.”

Luka smirks.  “Are you two live?  I don’t want to be in any of your lives.”

Šime clutches his heart.  “Did you hear that, Deki?   Our captain doesn’t like our lajjjjjjvs.  Think we should—mutiny.”

Suddenly Luka’s bony chin lands on Šime’s shoulder.  “Happy New Year!” he yells in Šime’s ear.  Šime doesn’t really mind.  “Are you back in Croatia?  How many times have you bullied Davor this—oh, you’re not live.”  He ruffles Šime’s curls.  Dejan’s not going to be too thrilled about that, but considering he and Šime are both, well, married—and not to each other—Šime figures he can’t reasonably complain about someone else touching his ljubavi’s hair.  And he’ll tell Deki that if he does.  “You should have told me.  I feel stupid.”  He winks.

“Well...you said you didn’t want to be in any of our lajjjjjjvs,” Šime sings.  “So, now you’re not.  See?”  He sticks his tongue out at his video for Deki.  “C’mon, brate, I’ll show you who else is here.”  He moves away from Luka quickly.  Just in case.

He isn’t sure how much time has passed, but he’s definitely helped himself to another drink or two or more than two, and suddenly Luka has appeared next to him.  His hair looks so soft and fluffy and beautiful and Šime just wants--really, really wants to take Luka in his arms and put his nose in his hair and just hold him for a long time.  Rest his head on top of Luka’s head, maybe.  Whisper we’re so lucky to have you.  Please don’t ever retire, play until your bones turn to dust.  Please don’t leave.  

“Hey, do you want a ride home?” Luka asks.  All of a sudden he puts his arm around Šime and Šime pinches his leg pretty hard to make sure this is real.  Luka’s arms are—tricky.  When you first see them, you don’t realize how strong they are.  But when you feel them, you know.  And when one of them is wrapping around your shoulders like a big, heavy snake, you really know.  “I don’t know how you got here, but you shouldn’t get home that way.”

Šime snorts.  “Thanks, Mom.  Since when do you care…I’ve seen you way more drunk than I am right now.”

Luka is playing with the ends of his hair.  Why is Luka playing with the ends of his hair?  He pinches his leg again and it stings a little, but, is he dreaming that he’s pinching himself?  Did someone put something in the rakija?  He stares around the room wildly for a second, wondering who in there’s trying to get him in bed.  “Yeah, but I had people to take care of me, then,” Luka says.  “Even if people was just you and Domo holding my legs.”

“Mmmmm,” Šime agrees, remembering much more about those days than just that.

“But especially you.  You always look out for me when I get like…”  Luka gives him a wet kiss on the forehead and lets go of his shoulders.  “So let us drive you back.”

“Uhhhh.”  Šime stares at Luka till his eyes cross.   Wow, he’s definitely more drunk than he thought he was.  “Okay,” he says.

Sofia is asleep by the time they leave.  Vanja carries her to the car.  Their older two’s eyes are closing as they walk, so Luka holds their hands.  Šime walks a few steps behind them, feeling kind of like the family dog.  It’s not too late to call an Uber, right?.  He really should just call an Uber.  He will, actually.  He pulls out his phone only to realize that making Dejan a video had used up all the battery.

“Go on, sit in the front.  Come on.”  Šime blinks. Vanja is smiling at him. 

“No, that’s...You should sit next to Luka. I’m totally cool with sitting with the kids! They’re all so awesome.”

“They’re all so asleep,” Vanja says. Šime peeks into the car. In the back, Ivano and Ema have already passed out. “Take the front. You’re our guest.”

Šime flops into the passenger seat. He doesn’t want to be rude to Vanja, or make anything even more awkward. But it’s just that up here Luka’s cologne smells so strong and it would be so easy to reach over and just touch him while telling him he still thinks about being a Zadar kid with him just about every week. And he’s so bad at resisting temptation when he’s drunk. Mmmmm, my sinner, Dejan would say sometimes. My beautiful sinful sinner, God, my beautiful perfect—

“Hey, got a playlist?” he asks quickly.  If he gets hard thinking about Deki this won’t get any less weird. “How about some Marice, mariceeeeee--”

“I wish,” Luka says. “But the kids…”  Šime watches how the streetlights light up all the interesting angles of his face.  “Once they’re asleep, you’ll do anything to make sure they stay asleep.  You know how that goes.”  

Šime swallows around the guilty lump that’s suddenly appeared in his throat and he nods.  He keeps his eyes fixed on Luka’s face.  Each time a car’s headlights flash across it, it changes.  Sometimes he looks much younger than he is. And sometimes he looks…older than 34.  Like an eternal captain, like he’ll somehow be Šime’s leader forever even after he retires.

“Luka, stop talking to him,” Vanja says from behind him.  “He looks about as exhausted as the kids.”

“What?  That’s like asking me to stop playing football,” Luka says. “I could never stop talking to Šime.”  And keeping his eyes on the road, he takes one hand off the wheel to rest it on Šime’s leg. “We go way back.  Zadar kids and all.”

Suddenly words are hard.  “We, uhhh—yeah.  It’s not like I knew you back in the day.  We don’t go back that f--that--we…”

“What did I say?” Vanja said.  “Your best right-back’s falling asleep.”

“No, ‘m…’m not, I…”  And Luka is gently squeezing his knee, and--

“Maybe help him get inside,” Vanja is saying.  Šime blinks.  Somehow they’re back at his place and he has no idea how it happened.

“Hey, did I snore?  Did I talk in my sleep or something?”

“Nope,” Vanja says.  “I hate to say it, Šime, but you’re pretty boring when you sleep.”

“Oh?”  He yawns.  What is he, an old man all of a sudden?  A few drinks and this is what happens to him?  “Dejan says I’m cudd--”

“Okayyyy, out,” Luka says.  He’s totally covering up a laugh.  Shit!  “That’s a good idea, Vanja.  I’ll get him inside.  Can’t lose a defender, right?”

Šime says goodnight to Vanja, who now definitely knows he and Deki are fucking, but she’s a pretty chill person, so it really could be worse.  His legs wobble underneath him, and he bumps into the warm hood of the car.

[slusheeduck]

The Way You Keep Me Guessing: Coco Teacher!AU

Because I couldn’t stop thinking about @scribblrhob‘s Teacher!AU and @upperstories‘s art for said Teacher!AU, I ended up writing something that’s probably a mess to read because I want to end 2017 crying about Hector and Miguel.

Update: Uncontrollable crying turned into a collaboration between me and @im-fairly-whitty!! Be sure to keep tuning in to both our blogs for updates!

Part 1: Unexpected Responsibility

               Dios mio. I can’t take care of a kid.

               The thought strikes Héctor on the drive back from Santa Cecilia, with the kid in question buckled in to the passenger’s seat. It’s a bit late to opt out now, considering he’d already agreed to take care of him while the family figured out what to do with Luisa and Enrique gone. Everything had been so sudden, he’d just gone on autopilot—went to the funeral, listened to Tía Elena’s instructions, helped pack up the kid—Miguel, his name was Miguel—and his things, and gotten back on the road to Capula without even thinking about the fact that he, Héctor Rivera, was now responsible for the health and well-being of a young child when he could barely take care of himself.

               Well. It was just for a few months. Surely he could keep the kid alive that long?

               He glances over at the boy beside him, hiding beneath the hood of his too-big sweatshirt and keeping his eyes firmly out the window. Héctor swallows, drumming his fingers on the steering wheel.

               “So, ah…you’re eight?” he tries weakly. Ave María Purísma, he should be better at this. He is a teacher. But Miguel gives a short nod, and he sees an in. “Eight’s a good year, you know. I’m sure you’ll love…” Ohhh, he’s already messed this up. He clears his throat, looking back at the road before glancing at Miguel again. “Ah…you mind if I turn on the radio?”

               Miguel shakes his head mutely, and Héctor wastes no time in switching the radio on. He groans at the terrible static that greets them. The way Chicharrón made him promise to take care of his precious car on the trip, he’d expected some beautiful, sleek vintage number, not a rattling camioneta that couldn’t even get the tiniest bit of signal.

               He glances over as Miguel finally moves, leaning over to adjust the knobs expertly. After a few barely perceptible tweaks and turns, music finally bursts through the static. The quality’s still not great, but now there’s a definite song playing. Héctor gives a small smile.

               “Pretty impressive, chamaco, considering this radio’s at least as old as Tía Elena.”

               Miguel shrugs. “Papá’s radio is the same way,” he says before once again curling up in his seat and staring out the window.

               “Must’ve taken a while to figure out how to do that,” Héctor says, desperate to keep a hold of some sort of conversation with the kid. “Most kids aren’t that patient. You must like music an awful lot.”

               Miguel glances back at Héctor, just for the shortest moment, then shrugs before looking back to the window. Well, it wasn’t much, but it was something. And Héctor could work with that.

~

               They come into Capula just as the sun’s starting to set. Miguel’s stayed silent throughout the trip, despite Héctor’s few attempts to coax out some form of conversation. Maybe the kid’s just quiet. That terrifies him more that he’d like to admit. He’s always liked the kids that are ready to talk the best; one-on-one meetings with quiet kids—where trying to get any sort of reply or reaction was like pulling teeth—were his absolute least favorite. He couldn’t imagine having to do that every day.

               “Ah, mira, mira! There’s the school,” he said, pointing at the large buildings as they passed. “You’ll be in the primaria when the term starts, and I’m right next door in the secundaria.” He smiles at Miguel. “And you only have to call me Profe when you’re in the secundaria. Héctor’s fine anywhere else.”

               Miguel looks up at him curiously. “Abuelita told me to call you Tío Héctor.”

               “Well, sure. Tía’s always been old-fashioned. Not me, though.” He reaches into one of the cupholders and pulls out his sunglasses, putting them on despite the fact it’s nearly dark out. “I’m a cool tío. And cool tíos just go by their names.” He conveniently doesn’t mention that he was in no way fit to have the title of “tío” on him just yet.

               He glances up at Miguel over his glasses and, just barely, he thought he could catch a ghost of a smile cross the boy’s face. There we go. Maybe there was hope for them yet.

~

               The car’s parked in front of the apartment complex, and Miguel’s already pulled out his suitcase when Héctor yelps out a half-finished curse (Swearing in front of children is not good, he reminds himself, because then they’ll never stop repeating it. He’s learned this from several parent meetings and even more not-very-happy discussions with la directora.). When Miguel sends him a curious look, he tries to play it off coolly.

               “Haa, funny thing, Miguelito! I, ah…with everything that happened, I…left my keys…in the apartment. But it’s all under control! I just…” He presses his lips together, then snaps. “But you know what? I’m lucky. I left a spare key with my neighbor for this exact situation.” Well, not this exact situation. It was much more along the lines of “Come and visit any time” (not that she did), but that was not something the angelito querido cielito needed to know just yet. He lopes back to the fire escape, calling for Miguel to stay put and that this would only take a minute, and starts the climb up to the apartment window he’s looking for—the muffled sounds of “La Llorona” being interrupted tell him he’d knocked on the right one. He puts on his most charming grin as the window opens, and he’s greeted by a long-suffering sigh and crossed arms.

               “Rivera,” is beautiful, serious Imelda’s greeting.

               “Diosa, am I glad you’re home. Wouldn’t you know, I’ve locked myself out of my apartment. Qué rollo, eh? I was…”

               “If this is your way of trying to spend the night, I swear I have a boot right here...”

               “No! No, not this time.” As lovely and romantic as flirting with Imelda on the fire escape is, he doesn’t like the idea of going back to Miguel with a boot imprint on his face. “I just wanted to know if you still have that spare key I gave you?” As she rolls her eyes, he adds, “Look, ordinarily I’d talk with the casero in the morning, but…the little chamaco down there is staying with me for the next…for a while, and he needs to get to bed as soon as possible.”

               Imelda frowns curiously, and she sticks her head out the window to see if he’s lying. Héctor watches her face soften as she catches sight of Miguel down below. She chews at her lower lip, then looks up to the heavens before going back into the apartment. Héctor holds his breath, staying very still, then lets it out in a disbelieving laugh as Imelda returns with the key in her hand.

               “And if you say a single word about me keeping this…”

               “It goes with me straight to the grave, diosa.” He takes the key and sends her a big grin. “So I’ll see you before term starts, right, directora?”

               “Go home, Héctor.” Imelda shuts the window sharply enough to nearly take off his nose, but the quick glance she gives over her shoulder makes it entirely worth it. He takes a moment to sigh dreamily, but remembers that there is, in fact, a child waiting for him down below, and that there will be plenty of time to moon over la directora in the staff meetings they’d be having in a few weeks. He lightly swings down the fire escape, then holds up the key triumphantly as he walks back to Miguel. The boy’s giving him a slightly worried look.

               “Does that lady hate you?”

               “Hate me? Oh, no, chamaco, she likes me a lot.”

               The worry quickly turns to disgust. “Is she your girlfriend?”

               “She…you know, this sort of thing’s pretty complicated and I bet you’re dead on your feet.” He picks up the suitcase and nods for Miguel to follow him. “Let’s get you set up in Casa Rivera, hm?”

~

               He’s not sure if it’s nervous energy from being in a new place or a hint of what Miguel’s like when he’s not…in his current position, but the kid wastes no time in walking around the little apartment, looking at everything. Héctor lets him wander, setting the suitcase down for a moment.

“I’ve got that room over there set up for you. My roommate won’t mind…” He stops and lets out a little laugh as Miguel makes a bee-line for the record player, eyes wide, and Héctor can tell he’s itching to look through the records stacked beside it.

               “Go ahead, take a look,” he assures. As he walks by, he chances giving the top of Miguel’s head a rub; the boy quickly ducks away, and Héctor carries on as if nothing happened. “The good ones are mine, the bad ones are Ernesto’s.”

               Miguel, holding one of the records, looks at Héctor dubiously. “How am I supposed to know which ones are good and which ones are bad?”

               “Well, that’s an easy answer, chamaco.” He returns to Miguel’s side and takes the record, flipping it once before lightly setting it in the player. “You gotta listen to it.” He sets the needle down, then switches the player on. They wait a few moments, both staring at the player, and Héctor sends Miguel a grin as the bright sound of guitars filled the apartment. “Hey, bastante buena, sí? This must be one of mine.”

               A little smile makes its way across Miguel’s face, just enough to make the tiniest dent in one cheek, and he returns his focus to the music…at least, until he notices the guitar case in the corner of his eye. “Is that yours?”

               “Mm-hm.” Héctor’s since made his way into the apartment’s teeny little kitchen, trying to figure out what he could possibly make for two people with three stale tortillas and rice that may or may not have been in the cupboard since he’d moved in.

               “Can you play?”

               “No, I just like the way it looks.” At Miguel’s offended expression, Héctor gives a little eyeroll. “Of course I can play. Ernesto and I wouldn’t be able to go on tours if I couldn’t.”

               “No manches! Aren’t you a teacher?” Miguel argues.

               “You think teachers hibernate during the summer? That’s when we get to have our fun.” He pulls out one of the tortillas and waves it; it holds its shape like a frisbee. Hm. “The plan was to be in Guadalajara this week, so Ernesto should be playing in one of the smaller clubs about now. Normally I go with him, but this year…” Well, it’s obvious why he isn’t on the summer tour. He doesn’t need to bring that up. He tosses the tortilla aside, noting how well it flies, and shrugs with a smile. “Well, it’s the reason you get your own room this summer instead of bunking with me!”

All at once, he sets his hands on Miguel’s shoulders and guides him toward the door, ignoring his little noise of protest. “Now, Señora Olguin lives downstairs, and she lives for feeding boys she thinks are too skinny. Why don’t we go down and make her night, hm?”

~

               Héctor can’t sleep that night, and he knows it’s Miguel’s fault.

               Even without being in the same room, Héctor can feel the anxiety radiating from the boy. And who could blame him? Losing his parents, being sent off with a tío he hadn’t met—he possibly hadn’t even heard of—and having to prepare himself for a new home, a new school, a new life for even a few months…it was entirely too much for any kid to have to endure. And that would be assuming that said tío wasn’t constantly dancing on the edge of disaster and a general danger to anything he tried to take care of. Moving in with Héctor? Miguel’d be lucky if he could survive this without being committed.

               Héctor spends several hours tossing and turning, but there was no way he can sleep with the way things are. So he decides to stop this and try a new plan. He slips out of bed, throwing on the first wrinkled sweatshirt he can grab, and quietly makes his way back to the main room. He grabs his guitar case, then hesitates in front of Miguel’s door. He waits a moment, then another, then sucks in a breath and gives two quiet knocks.

               “You still awake, Miguelito?”

               “No.” Miguel’s voice is thick, and the sniffle that escapes through the door makes Héctor’s stomach twist. Maybe he should leave him. It’d probably be good for him to get all this out. And yet…

               “Qué pena. I was gonna head to the roof, and I thought you might think that was cool.”

               There’s a pause, and Héctor considers dropping it. But then he hears some movement on the other end of the door, and then another sniffle, and then a very quiet “Why are you going to the roof?”

               “Sometimes staying inside’s a pain. Too many thoughts get trapped in here, you know? It’s nice to go somewhere where they can all just escape.” He shrugs. “But you’re asleep, so I don’t want to bother you.”

               Héctor takes two steps back from the door, then waits. A moment later, the door creaks open. Miguel’s nose is still red, and he gives his eyes a quick wipe, but he’s pulled on his hoodie and shoved his feet into his shoes.

               “Can I come to the roof with you, Héctor?” he asks quietly. Héctor smiles and ruffles Miguel’s hair—this time Miguel doesn’t duck away.

               “Of course, chamaco. Just stay quiet; we don’t want to get complaints from going up the stairs too loudly.”

               Technically, the roof “isn’t accessible”. But that didn’t stop Héctor from finding the service stairs when he’d moved in, and it doesn’t stop him from guiding Miguel up them now, making sure the boy keeps clear of any electrical wires or vents. They pick their way to Héctor’s favorite spot, one large enough for two people—perfect for a night of tequila and song writing, or sneaking the odd kiss while discussing next year’s curriculum, or to air out the worries and grief that’s been bottled up since Tía Elena said, “This is your Tío Héctor, Miguelito. You’ll be staying with him for a little while.”

               Miguel watches with wide eyes as Héctor opens up the case, pulling out the gleaming white guitar. His mouth turns up as he catches the little skull grinning at him from the headboard as Héctor tunes it, then his jaw promptly drops as Héctor gives a grin and plays, near perfectly, the song they’d listened to on the record player.

               “Nada mal, hm?” Héctor asks with a little laugh as he catches Miguel’s shocked face. “No one ever thinks that teachers do anything besides teach.” He gives Miguel a grin and a wink as he slows the song down. “Hope you learned something from that.”

               Miguel doesn’t answer, instead moving up onto his knees and getting closer to Héctor, eyes fixed on the way his fingers danced over the frets.

               “How can you play like that?” he asks when Héctor switches to a different song.

               “About double your lifetime’s worth of practice and a good ear.”

               “So will I be able to play like that if I practice? Without sheet music or anything?”

For the first time, Héctor feels like he’s getting a glimpse of the real Miguel, the Miguel that was around before the accident, before the move. His eyes are bright as he watches Héctor play, and he’s smiling enough to show off his dimple fully.

               “I’m sure you will. In fact…” He stops playing and flips the guitar around, holding it out to Miguel. “Why don’t you show me what you know now?”

               Miguel’s eyes widen, and he looks down in shock at the guitar as Héctor sets it in his lap. “I…I just started taking lessons. I can’t…”

               “You’re a Rivera, though. We’ve got music in our bones.” He nods and waves a hand. “So show me whatever you think is the best you can do.”

               Miguel looks up at Héctor with wide eyes, and his tongue pokes out, just a bit, as he adjusts the guitar in his lap. It’s too big for him, and he struggles to reach his hand around as he plucks out the sorriest “Estrellita” Héctor’s ever heard. He stops the boy quickly, shaking his head.

               “No, no no no. That’s not right at all.”

               “But I can’t reach!”

               “That’s not what I’m talking about. Your whole attitude’s all wrong.” Miguel’s expression darkens, but Héctor snaps his fingers before he can say the obvious. “You need to perform. And the first step to that is loosening up.”

               Miguel’s expression…doesn’t lighten, but it shifts to curiosity. He watches as Héctor shakes out his long limbs in precisely the way that got a guaranteed laugh from his students, then half-heartedly gives his arms a shake when prompted to copy him. Héctor crosses his arms with a little frown and shakes his head.

               “Definitely not enough. I think we need to pull out el grito.” He looks at Miguel with raised eyebrows. “So come on, give me your best grito.”

               “My best grito?”

               “Every musician can do it, muchacho. So come on!” Before Miguel can say anything, Héctor is up on his feet, letting out a loud shout that echoed through the quiet, dark neighborhood. He looks down at Miguel, one eyebrow raised, and grins as the boy stands up and opens his mouth…to let out the tiniest squeak. He shakes his head.

               “One more time. You just gotta yell.” He lets out another grito, this whoop prompting a few lights from neighboring buildings to turn on. He ignores them, watching as Miguel sucks in a breath, opens his mouth…

               And lets out a shout loud enough to rival Héctor’s.

               “That’s it, Miguelito! One more!” He crows out again and again, the shouts blending with Miguel’s trills and laughs. Miguel shouts a couple more times, then sucks in a deep breath to let out the loudest grito he can. But all at once, he chokes on the sound, and a loud sob escapes from him instead.

               Héctor immediately pulls the boy toward him, paying no mind as Miguel drops the guitar to clutch him as the grief and stress from the day finally erupts out of him. He rests a hand on Miguel’s head as he hugs the boy to him.

               “Está bien, está bien, Miguel,” he murmurs, keeping still as Miguel weeps against him. “You’re okay. Take as long as you need.”

               He’s not really sure how long they stand there, but he makes no movement aside from a back rub or hair ruffle as Miguel continues to cry. He needs this; more than anything today, Miguel needs this moment. Eventually, he does gradually start to wind down, sobs fading to tears fading to hiccups and sniffles. He goes limp against Héctor, exhaustion winning out over anything else. Héctor finally pulls himself away from Miguel, looking at him for a long moment before turning and stooping down.

               “Come on, hop up.”

               Miguel doesn’t argue as he climbs up on Héctor’s back, burying his face into his shoulder. As they start walking, he hoarsely says, “But your guitar. I…”

               “It’ll be here when I get back,” Héctor assures lightly as he makes his way back to the service stairs. Miguel lets out a breath as he nods, head falling back to Héctor’s shoulder. He stays quiet the entire way back to the apartment; Héctor’s fairly certain he’s fast asleep. He’s very careful to keep quiet as he makes his way back to Miguel’s room, and he’s extremely careful as he sets Miguel in the bed. He throws the blankets over the boy—he’d never figured out what tucking someone in entailed, so this will have to do—and half-smiles as he stands back up.

               Well. One day down. Maybe they both could survive this.

               He just starts to turn when he hears a very quiet voice ask, “Héctor?”

               He turns back around—it looks as though Miguel’s fast asleep—but he kneels down beside the bed all the same. “Sí? What is it, chamaco?”

               Miguel shifts, and suddenly two arms are wrapped tightly around Héctor’s neck.

               “Thank you, Tío Héctor.”

               That’s all he says before pulling back and turning over to fall asleep. Héctor, meanwhile, stays put, eyes wide. With some difficulty, he swallows the lump in his throat and stands up, giving Miguel’s hair one last ruffle before he steps out of the room.

               It hits him, now, that the trouble might not be Miguel staying with him. It’s only been one day, but he’s already keenly aware that saying goodbye to the little chamaco might be the hardest thing he’ll ever have to do.

[Part 2: La Directora] [Part 3: Skipping Class] [Part 4: An Unannounced Visit] [Part 5: The Roommate] [Part 6: Día de Muertos (Pt. 1)] [Part 6: Día de Muertos (Pt. 2)] [Part 7: A Birthday Livestream]

(Also Wit came up with the titles because she’s awesome and I was too preoccupied with crying about  Tío Héctor to come up with titles.)

[oppapink-blog]

Your Heart ||Part 1||

Wonho x Blind!Reader

Word Count: 2235

Genre: Fluff

Warnings: None~

Key Terms: Y/dn= your dogs name

A/N: So this is like way too long and this is the shortest I could make it anD IT’S SO CUTE IM CRYING. Anyways I hope you like it and thank you for reading! Also I tried to make it non-binary to the best of my abilities! Enjoy! 

Part 2||

~Admin Mercury

Being born blind was probably one of the worst things to be born with, yet you don’t let it keep you down. Of course, there are days where you want to see the world for yourself rather than feeling it. You always had that longing of seeing every color known to mankind, but you felt helpless since the only color you could see was black.

Although one day, while you were visiting the doctors your doctor said a new procedure had come up and it would fix your vision. Of course it only had an eighty percent chance of working, so you decided to think on it. It took you a few days since you went back and forth between it. That 20% seemed big and left you worried since you thought about how heartbroken you would be if you still didn’t have your vision. You laid in bed one night, petting your new guide dog who had taken quite a liking to you, and you realized you should take the risk. It made sense to since you hated having no independence in your life. You couldn’t cook, clean, or really do anything and you wanted to live on your own, but you couldn’t do that either. It had even gotten to the point where you weren’t allowed to go outside without a guide dog because your aid thought it was “too dangerous” for you to go out. It was decided, that you would try to get your eyesight back.

The next morning you decided to not only call your doctor to say yes, but also go out and buy yourself a Polaroid camera. You had gotten a great idea of taking pictures of things you thought felt or smelt beautiful. Your doctor said it would take a couple weeks to a month to find the right doctor to do the procedure so in the meantime you thought you could capture beautiful moments for when you get your eyesight so you can see all the beautiful things you wish you could’ve seen.

You spent every day going out to town and trying your best to find new and beautiful things to take photos of. One day when you were walking with your dog guiding you, you could feel him start to get distracted since he was new to being a guide and not all the way trained. You pull lightly back on him to get his attention back to walking, but in a quick motion he runs off, snatching his leash out of your hands.

“Y/d/n!” You call out as you chase after him, following his barking with your arms out trying not to trip over anything.

“Y/d/n! Come back!” You continue to yell out to y/d/n as you hear him stop barking and an overwhelming fear comes over to you. You whip your head around trying to listen for your dog, but you don’t hear much besides a bustling street and people walking. You walked a couple steps forward before someone lightly tapped you on the shoulder. You turned around to try and face the person that tapped on your shoulder.

“I’m sorry to bother you miss,” he pauses as you turn to where you heard his voice come from, he had a soft voice and seemed worried, “I can’t help but notice you seem lost, is there any way I can help you?”

A wave of reassurance rushes over you as you nervously fidget with your hands, wondering what your dog got distracted by.

“I was walking with my guide dog, his name is y/d/n and he got really distracted and yanked the leash out of my hands and I don’t know where he went,” you said in a fast nervous pace, “I could really use your help I’m sorry if I’m being a bother.” You smile softly at the man, hoping he’d help you find his dog because otherwise you would be stranded.

“I’d be happy to help,” You can sense the guy smile as he speaks, he seems genuine and nice and you felt better hearing him comply, “which way did y/d/n go?”

“I-I think he went that way,” You stumbled on your worlds, unsure of which way you were headed before, so you pointed in the general direction he went in. You could tell he wanted to choose his words carefully since he took a bit to respond. You were sure he wanted to ask you what your dog looked like or to just start walking.

“Here, take my hand, I’ll lead you,” you could hear the nervousness in his voice since it was a little odd to hold someone’s hand you just met. You reach to where you generally thought his hand would be, but he reached out and gently grabbed yours instead.

“My names Wonho, by the way,” he said as he started to walk, pulling you along. You walked behind him carefully, a bit worried he would let you run into something even with his good intentions.

“I’m y/n, thank you so much for helping me,” you thanked him as you followed him. He seemed lost in thought, but you guessed that he was searching for your dog.

“It’s not a problem,” he spoke softly, “I’m just gla-“ he stopped mid thought and stopped walking as well.

“Stay right here, I think I just saw your dog,” He said quickly, running off. He gave you no time to respond as you were left there standing alone once again. You heard him run off and started calling out for y/d/n, but soon enough his sweet voice faded out and you were left to your thoughts. You could hear a few barks in the distance that echoed throughout the area around you and it made your heart melt. You so badly hoped that Wonho had found y/d/n that it made your knees weak. You had felt so bad losing your dog and felt so hopeless without him and that made you so thankful towards Wonho since he was more than willing to help you. Soon enough you could hear a pair of feet approach you as well as some dog paws on the pavement. You smiled brightly and kneeled down, waiting to be met with a kiss from y/d/n. You heard your dogs pace fasten as he ran into your arms and excitedly licked at your face. One of your hands made it to the back of his head and one to his leash, petting her soften and getting a tight grip on her leash that Wonho was holding. He let go of it as you stood up and wrapped it fully around your hand.

“Wonho, I seriously can’t thank you enough these means a lot to me,” You thanked him again, still petting y/d/n’s head, “is there anyway I could repay you?”

He lets out a soft chuckle at your question and you can almost feel him shake his head no but then go back on his first intentions.

“Actually, is there anyway I could get your contact information?” His voice sounded nervous as he asked, but you still smiled and nodded your head at him. You decided to give him your aid’s phone number to him, so that way he could contact her in order to get to you. Suddenly, you remembered about your polaroid that you had on you and decide to ask Wonho if you could take his picture since you wouldn’t forget his voice but you wanted to remember his face when you got your eyesight back,

“Hey Wonho, before we part ways I have an odd question,” you speak softly as you take out your polaroid from its camera bag, “I’m supposed to be getting my eyes fixed soon and I just want to see everything that I thought was beautiful in its own way so I take pictures so I can see them after my procedure and I was wondering if I could take your picture since I’d like to remember you from today.”

Wonho took a minute to process everything you said after you had rambled for a bit but he let out a small yes and you picked up the camera to your face to take the photo. He let out a soft giggle that sounded so sweet and innocent it made your heart warm.

“I’m over here, y/n,” He said as he gently grabbed your arms to reposition the camera in front of him. You let out a soft giggle at your own silliness and put your finger on the shutter button.

“Okay ready?” You say as you hear him shift around trying to strike a pose or make himself look good. He lets out a small ‘mhm’ and you press down on the shutter button which lets out a soft click and a photo comes out. You grab it, waving it around softly.

“Thank you for letting me do that,” You say as you shove your polaroid back into its bag with the photo still in your hand and your dogs leash around your wrist. Wonho chuckled as you thanked him for the odd request.

“It’s no problem! I’m really sorry though, y/n, I have to go now since I’m going to be late for work if I don’t start heading over there now,” He says with an ansy voice that makes you guess he’s a very timely person, “I wish I could spend more time with you, but I’ll stay in touch!”

“That’s okay!” You say, a bit sad that Wonho has to leave quickly since you felt intrigued by him, “again thank you so much for everything and I hope you have an amazing day!”

“I hope you do too, y/n, I hope to see you soon!” He says happily as he walks away from you, leaving you waving to him with your photo still in hand. You smiled as he continued to walk away, hearing his soft footsteps fade off into the distance. You pulled on y/d/n’s leash, letting him know it was time to start walking and he helped lead you home. As the two of you walked together you couldn’t help, but think about Wonho. He seemed so nice and had such a sweet voice that made you feel more than you would towards one of your friends. He felt different.

Later that night, your aid walked up stairs saying someone named Wonho was calling for you. The fact that he did end up calling you made your heart flutter. That night the two of you talked for a few hours getting to know each other and you felt your heart grow more and more for this boy. He was so sweet to you the entire time and even asked about y/d/n’s well being. You two continued to chat with each other when you had free time and with that your feelings grew. You started to fall for Wonho just by the sound of his voice since he made you feel comfortable and safe. You didn’t think he could like you back because you thought ‘why would he like someone who was blind?’. You let your own anxiety get to you about your feelings so you kept them to yourself, unsure of what to make of them. At one point when he went quiet and his voice was laced with anxiety during the middle of one of your calls. You started to worry for his well being and wondered what’s wrong.

“Wonho?” you asked quietly, “are you okay?”

“Y-yeah I’m fine, don’t worry about me,” He seemed caught off guard by you questioning him, but you still continued to ask.

“It’s okay, you can tell me what’s wrong I’m not going to judge you, you know that.” Wonho lets out a long sigh and you can hear him shuffle around his room.

“Fine… I know you won’t like it but I’ll tell you anyway,” He paused for a second and you decided against telling him you wouldn’t care as much as he thinks you would.

“The thing is,” he pauses once more, “I-I like you… y/n”

You felt your whole body heat up and you almost laughed out of happiness. Your heart swelled with his words and your free hand went to clutch your chest. You were astounded that he liked you back that it left you speechless and you took a while to reply that it went to Wonho’s head and he let out another long, but more sad sigh and before he could speak you quickly spoke to let him know what you were feeling.

“Wonho, I like you too!” You said with a happy voice, hearing Wonho let out a small gasp.

“Wait, y/n, are you for real?” Wonho says with a brighter voice now that you replied.

“Yes Wonho, I am for real,” You say with a strand of giggles leaving your lips as you hear Wonho shift around his room again probably doing something out of happiness.

“So… y/n” he says with a slightly cocky voice and you facepalm at him being like this, “shall we go on a date?”

“Yes Wonho, we shall,” you say with another strand of giggles, your heart softening at his excitement.

“Coffee?”

“Coffee.”

[egg-tampon]

Do you have any tips for ldr ;;

ive been in two long-term long-distance relationships and its hard!!! ill try to articulate this best but i also just woke up from a nap so im kinda groggy

• Trust & Communication: these make the foundation of any relationship, regardless of distance. if you can’t trust your partner or talk to them you aint gettin NOWHERE. this is stressed heavier in long-distance relationships bc its so easy for this to fall apart. you and your partner need to be 100% open with each other. if something bothers you? talk about it. trust will come from your ability to open up.

• Stop Only Texting: okay like me personally (also not just with partners but with online friends) i love knowing what their voice sounds like. then when we text, i read it with their voice. its something silly and small but it helps me feel closer to my friends. likewise, you should have a strong sense of what your partner looks like. that sounds really obvious but like with someone thats not long distance, you see them very often and you see how they move and interact very often. its easy to forget about that with long distance. my partner and i skype everyday. i sleep with skype on, in a video call, next to my bed because waking up and seeing him makes me happy. and i know he likes waking up and seeing me.

• Physical? Uh: i didnt know what to title this. its really easy to feel intimately along when in a long distance relationship and im super guilty of this. sometimes cuddling with a pillow isnt enough. i also dont have a super good idea of what the solution for this is. just know it happens? talk about it with your partner? also omg sex like obviously you cant fuck your partner all the time. get good at sexting and learning what your partner likes and how to photograph your body. also dude skype sex. just keep your face outta frame whenever doing that kinda stuff

• Plan: the distance seems less difficult when you plan out the next time youre able to visit each other. i have a countdown app on my phone for this and it has a widget so i can see it everytime i check my notifications. the days fly by in the beginning but as the date approaches, time slows to a crawl. also try not to plan short visits!! i think the shortest visit for ollie and i was ~9 days, and that was the first time we got to meet in person.

• Do Stuff: call each other. watch a tv series together (rabbit.tv and watch2gether are fantastic ways to do this). share your interests. talk about your days. there’s a lot of stuff you would do in any relationship that you don’t realize has to be a little more forced in long distance relationships. it comes down to being aware of those things.

i hope all this is kinda helpful!! im sorry for ramblin btw

[anfionnius]

Love and Marriage.

Lets talk marriage, you and I.

This is part of my ongoing attempt to wrap an aging country catholic brain around this brave new world we live and navigate in.

Lets figure this out.

Lets start with old marriage.

Pre tinder, pre contraception, pre industrialisation. pre social welfare.

So we posit a village, reasonable prosporous of say a 1000 people.

Some 100 quite well off, some 100 not so well off, the rest in the middle.

There will be kids, who will become teenagers, become interested in the opposite sex.

There will be the male dream of lots of sex with many different hot women, maybe some atavistic impulses to hit other monkeys with thigh bone.

There will be the womans dream of lots of sex with a high status man, who is ready to commit, and maybe more sex with even higher status men, commitment Love, babies, attention.

There will be sex.

There will be babies.(as a consequence of the sex)

Once pregnancy is confirmed, or once sexual activity is noted or suspected by the parents. they need to consider marrying the two people off.

If you dont have marriage, you have a lot of single mothers, and men denying they are the fathers, so dead babies,

Commitment, is then more important (survivalwise) for women than for men.

Males, will like the people they sleep with more than the ones they dont, although they may desire them more.

single mothers,

Poverty and singlemotherhood are a good recipe for undernourished children, prostitute or beggar mothers. The children of single parents, are more likely to have risky sex, be involved in crime and generally do less well, so you have a vicious circle here.

uncertain parentage,

general irritation,

Lets introduce marriage.

Its a potentially bad deal for everyone.

But

Its a deal that delivers, the essentials.

Its more or less marriage, for raising babies together, man in charge of the world outside, woman in charge of the home, different arrangements for different people.

For the man, marriage, gives access to sex. In a small town with no contraception.

Otherwise sex is not so readily available, or its with less than ideal mates.

For the woman, it gives access to sex, and someone who will provide for her and the babies.

The man gains, an obedient wife, and children, the woman gains, a sexual partner, status, and the means to raise great children to continue the familial gathering of wealth, and increasing inequality.

Downsides, both people are locked into monogamy, and locked to each other,

The woman is subject to the man.

The man, has to provide for himself, his wife, and his children,

The woman is assumed to not be the main provider due to frequent pregnancies and general childrearing duties.

As people marry off, the remaining singles, would hasten to get in on this deal,

Going down by order of desirability.

Fertility for women, Status for men. (or proxies)

The above are merely the primary attributes

Its not great for the guy, he is programmed for sex with lots of people, more fertile the better.

He gets one.

Its not great for the woman, who will be drawn, to other more desirable men, but denied her loins/wombs secret desire, she will be subject to her man, and subject to society, for her adultery would damage every womans reputation by extension, cause every man to gain secret hope.

Her adultery is also a double blow, if she becomes pregnant, she has broken her vows, lied to her husband, and now asks he raise another mans child as his own. Not great.

For the man, well, if its with another mans wife, he hasnt made a friend.

But the pregnancy will be her problem, not his.

This deal, lets smart long term thinking families, reliably accrue wealth, while maintaining a safety net.

There are an interesting series of scenarios.

True love, no problems,

Woman dies in childbirth, man has children, but still status, remarriage is possible.

Man dies in war, or of injury, or of just dying before women in general.

Woman gains house, status as widow, and children.

Woman or man want out, this is very frowned on, the woman leaving her man, will get little, and possibly not the children.

Upsides is that generationally, if wealth defaults with the man not the woman, a family built by men, could continue to accumulate wealth and status over time, helped (and often succeeded by their) by their women.

Lets throw a jaded eye over new marriage.

I guess.

Marriage is no longer the gateway to sex.

(sex is only sometimes the gateway to marriage)

Sex is no longer a certain gateway to children

Children are not a gateway to marriage.

The optimal number of parents is not to be discussed.

Marriage, is dissolvable, by either partner, seperation is half the assets, and the man to continue his support( we have to think of the children.)

There is also a new player, the state.

The state provides money for mothers, and more money for single mothers.

Single mother hood, becomes viable.

Sex without marriage becomes viable, marriage as no longer a requirement for sex becomes devalued.

Sex, no longer fettered by marriage becomes devalued.

We can add in, the attention economy, where in the time of newspapers, there was a newspapers worth of information, books maybe.

Now there are more diversions, accessible, 24/7 catering to every single conceivable wish desire belief, desire or need.

Tinder exists.

Tinder is a killer app for marriage.

It only works for the top 20% of men, the most desired marriage material.

And

All women.

Suddenly, women can have all the sex, and babies, they desire.

With the most desirable men, (well sex certainly, babies depends also on the man)

But commitment, becomes much harder to acquire.

But much more lucrative.

Because marriage is dissolvable in favour of the woman.

She can have a man work for her support,

Then seperate, get half his belongings, and have him continue to work for her support.

This is a good deal, but raises the risk factor for high status men, (their family could lose half its accumulated capital to some hussy golddigger)

She can then theoretically go back on tinder and continue playing the premarriage game, but this time supported by her former husband

The top 20% of men, can play for quite some time.

Some may chip out, ( I know one gentleman, of lucrative means who is paying 3 small fortunes a month to the 3 mothers of his children)

And I should hasten to add, quite rightly.

So then with that board set,

Optimum play for hot men.

Take the free sex, dont marry.

Optimum play for hot women, take the hot sex, try it out, then marry a high status man.

optimum play for less hot women, continue to use sex to get committment and then marriage.

Optimum play for less high status men, get higher status to the point of getting sex, then commit, marry if necessary.

(assuming the objective is to optimize sexual satisfaction, and material gains.)

Women want babies also though I presume (the human races existence strongly suggests this)

So the shortest iteration of the marriage equation.(sans love Im afraid)

2 party game.

Both parties want sex.

Just with different people.

Men, want, sex.

Women, want sex with men who can provide for them in the event of pregnancy,

Or who excite them sexually, or ideally, both.

In a scenario where women and children are valued, they would presumably prefer, the more sexually interesting option, when sex is of most interest to them.

Anyway back to sex.

The women want it with the best.(makes sense to me)

Women being the gatekeepers of sex, women the flame, men the moth so to speak.

If you want to test this, create 2 tinder profiles, one for each gender, of equal attractiveness, and guage the response rates.

Marriage, is and always will be a viable play for high status males, as long as the woman and her family are playing the same game.

The marry, grow the family, accumulate game.

If not as long as the woman

And low status males, as sex is more important than material goods, and a hot girlfriend confers status, ( as does a hot successful boyfriend) (less than a husband)

High status males will do fine, low status males will do less well.

Status being a proxy for the ability to support a wife and child.

Female hotness, is I presume primarily a product of fertility and fitness, and pleasantness, someone who is easy to get along with, and who can replace a mothers love.. (maybe)

Social group is a proxy for support network.

Intelligence works for both groups, mainly as it allows them to correctly analyze the game being played and the optimum play.

Womens and mens intelligences work differently, so different strategies work for both.

On an unrelated note.

Men will always pay for women, on a related note, and we are fine with that we love women, were born of one, raised by one, have siblings nieces, children, loved ones, crushes friends of that gender.

(this is a factual, I think, rather than or albeit, a sexist comment)

In marriage, the man will work more than the woman, because babies.

Pregnancy, and periods. Absent social welfare, this puts the payer, and the payee together.

In modern times, taxes from both genders pay for child support, men still support their women, but also, through their taxes, other women, they support their children and others, this deal is worse for single sexless men, who pay for other mens children,and women, and dont even get laid.

(this argument can be used for all social welfare payments)

If the fair approach of single men and married men, and childless women not being asked to pay for the sins of others. There would be ignorant, angry children, prostitute parents, and street crime.

Well, more of them, I suppose.

Men and women play a game with each other and against each other, with advantages and disadvantages in different areas, historically as now, we work together, for the children and the family.

With changing times will come changing ideas, that will be tested, and kept or discarded depending on their utility.