#and jaxons literally about to die

[avocado-frog]

Dahlia. 2

Rating: M Word count: 7,000 (i'll write with a reasonable length soon i swear i just needed to get the first two chapters done) Warnings: Mentions of a suicide attempt, referenced ableism, violence, I think that's all but let me know Title: 4/16/2019-4/20/2019 Summary: Kai and Marcy visit. Leo and Jaxon are still fighting

4/16/2019

"How long are you staying?" Sam asked, leaning his head on the armrest of Logan's couch. He had stayed up late, waiting for his cousins to show up. They timed their visit weird, had some setbacks, and had only showed up at ten at night. Later than Sam usually liked to stay awake for.

"A couple of days, I think," was Kai's response, frowning at a lit-up phone screen. He glanced up at Logan. "If that's okay, of course."

"Of course it is." Logan smiled at the two, taking Kai's backpack and Marcy's suitcase. "I'll set up an air mattress in the living room, if you want."

"Yeah, thank you." Kai nodded politely, and turned back to Sam, smiling. "Hey, happy birthday. That was yesterday, right?"

Sam chuckled nervously, fidgeting with his hands. "Yeah, it was."

"Cool," Marcy joined in on their conversation. "How old are you now? Four? Five?"

"Eleven," Sam corrected. Logan, holding a rolled-up air mattress, came back down the stairs. Sam let out a stifled, relieved sigh.

"Alright, Sam." Logan must have sensed his mild discomfort. "It's probably time to get to bed, or you'll be tired in the morning. You have school. You can catch up with your cousins tomorrow."

"Right, okay." Sam nodded, and waved to his cousins. He mouthed a quick thanks to Logan, who gave a small, subtle nod, and he ran up the staircase faster than he ever had before.

It wasn't like his birthday had been bad, necessarily, it was just... uncomfortable. After they left Jaxon's friend's house, Jaxon had opted to stay behind, and Ryan went to bed when they got home, apparently having done too much that day. Logan had made him a cupcake, and his sisters, Dylan, and Lily got him presents, but it just felt off without his brothers there, too.

Ryan had left his door unlocked, so that was progress. The others had been happy, of course, when he told them that Ryan not only left his room, but left the house. The fact that he left the door unlocked was huge. Sam was optimistic.

Though, he still wasn't ready to go back to sharing a room yet. Ryan said that the place was too messy, and that he needed a little bit more time by himself, that he was overwhelmed, but that it was okay for him to visit. So, Sam kept that spare room, leaving his cousins with an air mattress and the couch in the living room.

Sam flicked the lights to his room on. It wasn't decorated, and the bedsheets weren't his normal ones, just the generic, maroon ones that had been there when he took the room. It was a little boring, and if he were to stay there much longer, he wanted to get some of his stuff from his old room.

He didn't dare turn the lights off. Maybe it was childish to still be afraid of the dark, but the lab had gotten pitch black at night, with the lack of windows, and blindingly bright during the day. As long as his room was brighter than the lab at any given time, he was okay. If he woke up and it was pitch black like it used to be, and he was alone, then there would be a problem.

He didn't consider himself fully safe until the TV was on, and the windows and door were open. Once the TV was on and turned to some random cartoon he'd never watched before, he could turn the lights back off and be okay.

If he didn't do all that, he would wake up screaming. That had only been an issue recently, and it had only happened three times. Leo, closest to his room, was there the fastest, quickly followed by Cass and Lily. Technically, Elliot was the closest to his room, being just next door, with Ryan diagonal from him. But that wasn't the point.

Even after he did his routine- the room was bright enough so that he wouldn't wake up and think he was in the lab again, the door was open so he wouldn't believe he was trapped, the curtains on the window were open so that he could see outside- it still took his brain a minute to calm down, still took him a long time to get his mind to slow down, and it took forever to really convince himself that he was safe.

---

Kai woke up from a half-sleep, barely able to relax in the living room of someone who was almost a stranger, on a slightly-deflated air mattress.

Eyelids still heavy, he reached out for the phone he set on the coffee table that Logan had moved out of the way, and knocked the poor thing to the ground, causing his sister to make some weird sound and roll over to her other side, from where she laid on the couch.

Wincing, Kai gingerly picked his phone up, and saw that it was only two in the morning. He sighed to himself, knowing he would never get back to sleep.

He stood up, stumbling a little from the lack of steadiness of the air mattress, and wandered to Logan's kitchen. He had said it was alright for him to take whatever he wanted from there, though Kai still felt a little guilty for it.

Mostly, he and Marcy had only decided to come over for two days to help out their cousins, especially after learning what had happened with the youngest kid. He didn't know exact details. He told his parents about it, and they insisted that they visit, despite the fact that they were going to miss school. They were told that this was more important, and that they could hire a tutor if they really needed to, but Kai was still thoroughly against missing that much school. Two days felt excessive.

He began filling a cup of water, after searching through the cabinets to find a single cup anywhere, when the front door quietly clicked shut, breaking through the dead silence. Kai made some embarrassing squeak noise, turning around in a panic.

Jaxon, standing on the other end of the hall by the front door, looked just as stunned to see him there. Quietly, he shuffled past the air mattress, and to the kitchen.

Out of all of the twin's new friends, Jaxon and Logan were the only ones he kept in contact with. Though, recently, Jaxon had stopped responding to any calls or messages, which was unlike him.

"You are... in my house?" Jaxon muttered softly, as not to wake up Marcy. A smart decision. Marcy was nearly homicidal when she got woken up.

"I texted you, and said I was on my way." Kai leaned back against a counter. Jaxon balled up the edge of his hoodie in his fist. "What are you doing, breaking into your own house at two in the morning?"

Kai remembered something about how being tired made you lose control over your emotional regulation, resulting in getting all sad when it was night.

Jaxon sniffed, and swiped at his nose with his wrist, trembling a little. For a minute, Kai worried he would start crying. He wasn't sure what to do if that happened.

"Woah, don't cry..." Kai sort of slurred. He felt a lot more tired than he had a moment ago. "Just tell me why you were gone."

"I was just with a friend." Jaxon crossed his arms over his chest, hands clenched into fists. Under the moonlight coming through the window, blue hair sparkled. Kai found himself transfixed on it.

"Have you ever dyed your hair other colors?" Kai decided to drop the earlier subject. It was making his friend upset. Maybe later.

"Huh?" Jaxon looked caught off guard. He pulled a strand of his hair in front of his eyes, and shrugged. "Oh, uh... yeah, I have. When I was first starting to dye it, it was black, with green stripes. I was, maybe twelve."

"Hm." Kai leaned back against the counter again. "I think... purple would look nice."

"Purple?"

"Yeah. Like-" Kai waved his hand in a circle as he tried to form the correct words. "Like, dark purple. It's a little more subtle than your blue, but I think it'd look pretty with your eyes."

"Oh."

"I think you should stay here," Kai said, out of nowhere. At this point, he was just spewing garbage out of his mouth. He was only half-aware of what he was saying. It felt like a dream.

Jaxon glanced up at him, sitting on the counter opposite of him. He shrugged loosely. "I don't- I don't know."

"How come?" Kai had a feeling he knew, but he was curious, anyways.

"Leo's mad at me, I don't know why, and..." he glanced at a spot on the floor. Kai's gaze trailed to a spot that had been cleaned a little too hard. "I can barely stand to be in here."

"This is where that kid-"

"Yeah."

Kai hummed a little, contemplating. "I think... I think you owe it to him to stay. I think that the others need you here."

"Really?"

Running off to stay with a friend after something bad had happened, sounded like the twins back in November. Kai didn't even hear from Leo until almost two months later, too.

"Yeah. Yeah, I think so." Kai nodded, mostly to himself. "I don't know about Leo, haven't talked to her today, but I think I can get her to calm down a little. Leo's never... been through anything like this before, but yeah. Usually, her first reaction to anything bad ever, is getting angry."

"I can tell," Jaxon deadpanned.

"You probably didn't do anything wrong," Kai continued. "Collateral damage. Wrong place, wrong time, you know?"

"Yeah." Jaxon nodded tiredly. He yawned. "...I'll think about it. Only came over because I wanted a better blanket. He won't notice I left. ...I can stay for a while."

Kai frowned again. "You shouldn't be walking out by yourself at night. That's not safe."

Jaxon snorted, smiling. "Yeah, okay, mom."

"I'm serious!" Kai scolded, genuinely distressed. "You could get hurt."

Jaxon, like a flipped switch, went back to his usual self, smiling. "I can take care of myself. Nothing bad will happen to me, walking two blocks down the street."

"You don't know that..."

Jaxon hopped down from the counter, reaching up to place a hand on the top of Kai's head.

"Yes I do. I  have magic, you don't." Jaxon still grinned. "If anything, you shouldn't be out at night. You couldn't fight to save your life, either."

"Well, there's no need to be rude about it."

Jaxon snickered, and gestured towards the staircase with his head. "Well, are you going back to bed? Dylan won't wake up, if you want to watch a movie, or something."

Kai wasn't going to be able to sleep anyways, and watching a movie with him did sound more fun than laying on an air mattress trying to sleep. He nodded.

"Sure."

4/17/2019

Dylan stared up at the dark, looming staircase to the attic. It was a room they never used until recently, having been just a storage room until a couple of weeks ago, when it had been changed to Elliot's room. Dylan never bothered to ask why they didn't use Elliot's real room. Didn't matter, they supposed.

A pit formed in their stomach just looking at the door at the top of the stairs. They felt bad about it, but they didn't like to visit Elliot. They needed to. Elliot was scared of being alone.

The worst part, was that Dylan knew something would happen. They had Logan hide the knives. They locked every cabinet with any sort of medicine, hid anything that could even be a little dangerous, and yet, Elliot got hurt.

When Dylan saw that vision of Elliot's stab wound, they saw one for Leo as well, though they couldn't remember exactly what it was, and it never came back up again. If Leo noticed Dylan's desperate attempts to keep her safe, she didn't say anything. They didn't want her to die, too.

Elliot died for a whole five minutes, legally speaking, before Dylan was able to reverse it. That was definitely in the top five scariest moments of their life.

They had a visiting-Elliot cycle, as they called it. Lily usually went in the mornings to check on him, then Logan to do the important medical stuff, and then Sam or Leo. Dylan hadn't been going to school, and visited whenever they had the opportunity.

This time, they were being accompanied by Ryan. To Dylan's knowledge, Ryan hadn't gone to visit his brother at all, since the incident.

"Are you sure?" Dylan signed one final time to their friend, who gave a small nod in response, hands balled into fists, shoulders tense.

Ryan couldn't even go into the kitchen. Dylan thought that it was still too soon, that he should wait until he could stand in the kitchen again, but Ryan insisted.

"I have to," Ryan signed back. Dylan shook their head. He didn't have to do anything. The obligation was purely fictional. "I promised Sam I would leave my room more."

And Dylan, while glad Ryan was doing better, making a little bit of progress in the short span of two days, was still convinced he was going too fast. Dylan knew Ryan well enough, he preferred to go slowly with this sort of thing. They couldn't help but worry.

If Ryan really wanted to go up there, it wasn't like they could say no.

Dylan walked up the staircase, ahead of Ryan, so he could leave if he wanted, and unlocked the attic's door. That automatic locking thing was going to be the death of them, they were sure. When they were around eight or nine, they got trapped there trying to look for something, and it took five hours before anyone realized they were in there. Jaxon had practically broken the door down in a panic, and refused to let Dylan out of his sight for the next week. A bad day for everyone involved.

Dylan paused before opening the door. Ryan was still there, when they turned around.

They shot Ryan the most serious look they could. "Don't shut the door," they signed, and Ryan nodded. "It will lock. We'll be stuck."

Ryan nodded again, like he had experience in getting locked in the attic. Out of all the group, it would be the most unfortunate for Ryan and Dylan to get stuck in the attic. Neither of them were loud, and definitely not loud enough to be heard all the way in the first floor where Kai and Marcy- the only ones that were there- were. Dylan could only hope Ryan would listen to them.

The other worst case scenario was if Ryan saw his brother and started to panic like he did whenever he went into the kitchen. If that happened, Dylan would have to leave him alone to get help.

To his credit, Ryan didn't panic when he saw Elliot. Instead, a certain, sad, resigned look flashed across dull eyes. He wasn't afraid of him, like he was afraid of the kitchen. Ryan twisted his hands together, before turning back to Dylan.

"How often do you visit?" Ryan signed, and Dylan had to think about it.

"Maybe... three times a week?" Dylan signed with a shrug. "I try, often as I can. Visit you, too."

It wasn't like, staying home by themself all day, they had much else going on. It was hard to do anything else. They had a routine; wake up, eat breakfast, see Ryan, watch TV, see Elliot, lunch, TV, dinner. Simple, comforting. Dylan didn't want to stray from that routine. Anything else was overwhelming, they found out.

"I should have come up sooner," Ryan signed. His arms fell limp to his sides. He looked like he would cry. This was not Dylan's area of expertise whatsoever. Still, they were almost upset that Ryan thought like that.

Dylan shook their head firmly, when they got Ryan's attention. "Don't say that. You're here now."

Ryan nodded silently. Dylan turned back to Elliot. A pang of guilt struck them.

Dylan had never been great at making friends outside their family. Most kids their age didn't know sign language, so there was a slight barrier there. Despite them being in a class with other deaf kids, it still just didn't work. It was frustrating, they couldn't get why. They didn't think they were rude, or boring enough to ignore, and yet, it was a struggle.

Jaxon said it didn't matter, that they were stupid if they didn't want to be friends with them, and Logan said that they were bound to find someone who liked them outside of home, and Lily said she would beat anyone into the dirt for them if they asked, but they never got an answer as to why.

Dylan wished they could say that they just got along better with the teachers in their classroom, but they didn't. The teachers talked to them more often than the other kids, yet, they couldn't help but feel babied by the teachers. Talked down to, ignored. Dylan liked to think they were smarter than that.

Elliot understood that.

Logan was in online college, but he had a job, and he was relatively well-liked. He didn't understand. Leo gained a sort-of popularity among her classmates, though it hadn't always been like that. Leo almost understood. Cass was smart, and everyone seemed to like her, too, so she didn't understand. The same for Lily. Jaxon got along with everyone, and so did Sam. Ryan and Elliot both truly understood when Dylan said no one liked them.

Like them, Ryan wasn't good at reading people. Social cues were a tricky thing, and people seemed to get offended by the slightest misreading. It was a minefield.

Elliot, missing an eye, constantly deadpan, jumpy, he told Dylan that his classmates were genuinely afraid of him. Dylan didn't think that was justified. At worst, Elliot knew how to scare people. In truth, Elliot was only a kid. (Though, to be fair, Dylan was only a year and one month older.)

So, seeing Elliot in the condition he was in, and seeing Ryan hurting so bad over it, it felt like a hot knife carving a hole in every inch of their skin. It was not a pleasant feeling.

Visiting whenever possible was the best thing they could do. Their only fear was that Elliot didn't know they were there. Some people in comas can hear, and Dylan's hearing aids were downstairs in their room, they didn't usually like to talk without them, and the high-pitched ringing noise was getting a little irritating. They must've needed new batteries.

One thing they used to do as a kid, before they knew sign language, but after they went deaf, was something Logan had started; writing letters in their palm. It was easier than sign, but you had to pay attention. Logan had caught onto sign language pretty quickly, and so had Dylan, but it was taking Lily a while, and Jaxon had been having trouble with the right hand movements. His brain injury mostly damaged the part of the brain that controlled speech, so for a while, neither Dylan nor Jaxon said a word to their new friends.

Dylan used the old trick of writing into Elliot's hand to let him know they were there. They didn't usually say much, as it took a while, and touching other people's palms sort of grossed them out. It was strangely leathery. Usually, they just wrote a simple greeting. They could only hope Elliot knew it was them. He hated being alone.

"I wonder if I could have stopped him," Ryan signed out of nowhere, and Dylan glared, already hating where this was going. "If I tried hard enough."

"Stop," Dylan signed, with the sternest look they could possibly manage. "You got hurt trying to take the knife. You did what you could."

Somehow, they doubted Ryan believed them.

4/18/2019

Leo was not acting normal, despite what the others were saying.

She sat across the table from Jaxon, staring at her phone in one hand, holding a sandwich in the other. Sometimes, one of the others would start talking, and she would look up, and her gaze would flicker to the phone.

Something wasn't right, and it seemed like he was the only one who noticed.

Leo scrolled up for maybe half a second, and then back down to the same thing, over and over. Her eyes held a dim blankness, like she was just on her phone for show and didn't care what was on it. If someone talked to her, she would answer in brief, quiet sentences.

It wasn't like Jaxon was the one who had known her the longest, so that wasn't why he knew this, either. Cass was her sister, Kai and Marcy were her cousins, Logan and Lily were her childhood friends, the triplets, while her brothers, she only met them five months ago. Jaxon had met her in November, so he was not the one who had known her the longest, by a long shot.

And still, Cass thought she was acting fine. Logan said she was just recovering from the shock of what happened the previous month, like they all were, to just give her a few more weeks. If Elliot were there, he would notice, Jaxon was sure.

Kai was probably right, about what he had said before. Leo was probably targeting him out of everyone because he happened to be there. Leo would be fine in a few days, and everything would be okay again. He hoped so, at least. He missed her.

Jaxon took an angry bite of his sandwich, setting it down on his plate. He stared at the table, resting his chin on his hand. He glanced at Leo, who glanced at him, scowled, and looked back at her phone.

He tried everything he could. He tried to apologize, to get her to talk, to leave her alone, everything. And nothing worked.

Jaxon didn't ever really get angry with any of his friends.

His hand tightened around his cup, his eyes burned, a scream threatened to claw its way out of his throat. He was shaking, his knee bounced as his foot tapped against the floor.

He wasn't angry at her. He was just a little annoyed. Irritated, if you will.

Leo would get over it, and so would he.

---

"Ew, you've been on an air mattress all weekend?" Jaxon made a face, rolling it back to it's original rolled-up form. "I hate air mattresses. I always think I'll fall."

"I did fall," Kai remarked, and handed him the box that the mattress was supposed to go in. "Multiple times."

Kai glowered at his sister half-heartedly. "She called dibs on the couch when we got here."

"Not even a trial with rock-paper-scissors, huh?" Jaxon sat on the floor, his friend sat down across from him. Kai always seemed to sit with perfect posture, Jaxon couldn't get why. He thought it was just how he was raised, but then Marcy sat backwards and upside down on the couch every day. Jaxon cupped a hand over his mouth. "Lily always does that with the TV remote!"

"Well, maybe you should get to the couch faster!" Lily yelled back, from wherever she was.

Kai snickered behind his hand, and Jaxon stared at him with wide eyes.

"I didn't even know she could hear me!" Jaxon made a wide gesture with his hands, and began picking at the carpet. "Do you need help packing anything else?"

"Nah." Kai shrugged. "I didn't bring much." He gestured at Marcy's entire suitcase. "Unlike somebody."

Jaxon smiled thinly, drawing his knees close to his chest, resting his chin on his arms. He was that close to going with Cass's cousins.

"Oh!" Kai shot up, staring at his phone. "My parents are here. Guess it's time to go, then."

"Oh, okay!" Jaxon stood up, and followed his friend to the door. Marcy probably knew it was time to go. Jaxon genuinely didn't have a clue where she was anymore.

Kai turned around, looking a little concerned. "You'll be okay here?"

"Yeah, of course!"

"Seriously." Kai's expression became a bit sterner. "Tell me if things get worse with Leo. Or with Elliot."

Jaxon suppressed a flinch. A slight pang in his heart. "I will. He'll be fine."

Elliot was going to be fine.

"Okay." Kai nodded. His arms wrapped around Jaxon's neck in a swift hug. "I'll text you on the way over, if I have any internet."

"Alright!" Jaxon grinned, heart racing a little. "Drive safely! Tell your grandma and your cat that I said hello!"

Kai laughed a little. "I will. See you later."

4/19/2019

"Do you ever watch where you're going?"

Ryan's head thumped against the door. A headache pulsed behind his eyes. Dylan hung upside-down on Sam's bed, playing a game on their phone. Sam searched through boxes underneath Ryan's bed.

"Sam."

"I'm looking."

"Sam."

"I know, I know." Sam waved his hand absently in Ryan's direction. "Ha! Found them!"

Triumphantly, Sam held up Ryan's sound-cancelling headphones. He lost them at some point, even after he had cleaned his room. Sam handed them to him. Ryan pulled them over his head, cringing a little at the pressure.

Sounds became muffled, like he thought he should have been used to by now. Putting them on would suddenly plunge him underwater, and he'd be sinking, he couldn't swim, water would flood his ears through the headphones, it would all still be muffled when he got out and stood on the dock, shaking, about to cry, Jaxon was panicking, a group of kids frantically apologized.

Ryan shook his head. He was fine. He couldn't drown, he had been fine. He just got a little sick afterwards, was all.

"You okay?" Sam signed, and Ryan nodded. He could still hear his sister fighting with Jaxon outside of their room.

From the little context he had, Jaxon tripped and fell, and knocked Leo over, and Leo was overreacting a little.

The fights got worse after their cousins left. Practically the minute the two had driven off, it had been nonstop.

Logan tried to stop them, tried to separate them, but it never seemed to work. Ryan knew that Leo was messing with Jaxon on purpose now, and that he was taking the bait. It was annoying. If it continued, Ryan would have to resort to violence.

"Think they'll stop?" Sam signed, looking equally annoyed. Their fighting became muffled, he couldn't tell their voices apart, or understand what they were saying.

"No." Ryan signed back, and pretended to fist-fight the air. Sam snickered.

"They won't fight."

"They'll fight."

Sam glanced over at Dylan, then back to Ryan. "Leo will win. Dylan doesn't agree."

Ryan nodded. He didn't think Jaxon really had the heart to seriously fight any of them. Although, he had heard from Lily and Logan that he used to get in fights at school all the time. But then, so had Leo.

Someone knocked on the door, and Ryan shot up, seconds before Lily kicked the door open, slid inside, and shut the door behind her.

"Hey, I hear this is where we're hiding." Lily's voice was louder than the other's, Ryan could hear her quite clearly through the headphones. He slid them around his neck. "Cass left her laptop in here. She's at the store right now, but she asked me to find it."

Sam pointed to a thin, silver laptop covered in little sunflower stickers. Lily nodded, and picked it up, choosing to sit on the bed instead of leave.

"Annoyed yet?" Lily chuckled lightly, but all four of them flinched when a loud thud sounded from the hallway. "I barely got in here without catching on fire." Lily made a dramatic gesture with her hands, leaning forward. "I think Leo's this close to snapping my brother's neck clean off."

"They shouldn't be using their magic indoors," Ryan mumbled. "They could both burn down the house..."

"Mhm, totally." Lily nodded in agreement. "They'll wake up your brother with all their fighting."

Ryan winced a little. Sam cringed, but nodded.

Dylan sat up, turning their phone off. Their hearing aids were out, and carefully placed on Ryan's dresser. "Are they done?"

"No."

Dylan groaned and flopped back down on the bed. Lily patted their head sympathetically.

"Dinner should be ready in a few minutes, Logan thinks." Lily turned back to Ryan and Sam. "And Cass should be home any second now, which means that she'll mom-friend those two into submission and get them to shut the fuck up!"

She shouted that last part in the direction of the door, and momentarily, the argument stopped. It then continued with, "and now you're annoying Lily!"

Lily buried her face in her hands and pretended to cry. "Oh my god..."

"They're annoying the rest of us, too." Sam glared at the door. He looked back at Ryan. "Should we go downstairs, since dinner's done?"

"Ugh!" Lily stood up, and sighed dramatically. "I guess."

She signed to Dylan that they were going downstairs for dinner. Lily was the first one to open the door, acting like the hallway was a warzone, as she carefully inched outside. She was followed by Dylan, who didn't seem to care all that much, and then Ryan and Sam at the back of their line.

By the time they got out there, Leo had seemingly pushed Jaxon down, and had already gone downstairs. Lily silently helped Jaxon back up.

Cass had come back home by the time they got to the dining room, she was helping set out the food with Logan.

Lemon chicken and rice, one of Ryan's personal favorites. He could hardly bring himself to enjoy it.

Usually, it was Leo and Jaxon talking the loudest at the table, which caused the others to all join in. With Leo and Jaxon not on speaking terms at the moment, it meant that the others didn't talk, either.

Cass and Lily made light conversation, though it was strained and reduced to small talk. Across the table, Logan asked how the food was, to which Ryan responded with a thumbs-up.

Leo was eating slowly. She glanced up, looking around the table and sighed to herself, going back to eating the rice.

Leo finished first, and had run up the stairs.

When it was finished, Ryan helped to collect the plates, placing them in the sink. Logan gave him a small smile, patted him on the head, and Ryan ran off to go find his sister.

He darted up the stairs faster than he normally would have, slowing down at the sight of Leo's open door.

Leo's room was Ryan's favorite out of all of them. It was messy, disorganized, yet somehow, Ryan was instantly anxious upon entering (like he was with Dylan and Jaxon's room). It had a calming effect, he was safe there.

Leo was on the floor, emptying school supplies from her backpack, leaving them scattered on the floor. He thought that was odd, since they had school the next day. Leo skipped school often, so he wasn't too worried about that. Still, he had a bad feeling.

"What're you doing?" Ryan asked, and Leo jumped.

"Oh, Ryan." Leo smiled thinly. It was forced. "I'm going to a friend's house tomorrow night, I thought I would pack early."

Ryan stepped inside, kneeling down on the floor in front of her. He gestured to a pencil, rolling away. "You aren't going to school tomorrow?"

"Nah." Leo shrugged. "But don't tell Logan."

Ryan chuckled a little. He hugged his knees, watching Leo neatly fold a shirt from a red hanger, setting it inside her backpack.

"Are you going to school?" Leo picked up the runaway pencil and poked him in the forehead. "It's been a while, but there's no rush, you know. Take as long as you need."

Ryan shrugged. Going to school still made his stomach churn. He hated leaving Sam alone for so long, and he felt a bit better than he had been before, but he wasn't sure if school was too much or not. The principal had given him, Dylan, and Sam all a pass to skip the rest of the year, if they wanted.

"I don't know..."

"Don't force yourself, if you aren't sure." Leo placed her hand on his shoulder, smiling softly. "And hey! You went to the kitchen today! You're making progress."

Ryan blinked, remembering how he had gotten to the dining room in the first place- through the kitchen- and how he had helped Logan with the dishes earlier. He hadn't even noticed.

"Now, go get ready for bed, watch a movie or something. Whatever it is you kids do." Leo ruffled his hair gently. "We'll do something fun tomorrow, when the others leave, yeah?"

Ryan smiled a little. "...Yeah."

"Alright. Goodnight, love you."

"You too."

4/20/2019

Leo took him to the aquarium downtown, had even bought something from the gift shop. That was something she never did, complaining about how expensive they were, how she could buy something eighty-five dollars cheaper at the Dollar Store.

It was just a stuffed axolotl, but Ryan looked deeply suspicious of it, and Dylan was deeply suspicious of the frog keychain they got as well. Yet another frog thing for their collection, Leo had said.

They went to the park afterwards. Leo sat on the bench and watched Dylan water the flowers in the garden with their water bottle, and Ryan swinging on the swing set. She snickered as another kid approached him, and he began signing a bunch of nonsense until the kid left him alone.

Leo didn't want to leave them. The more she thought about it, the less appealing it became. Funny, this was the same bench she stayed on while trying to decide whether to stay at Logan's house in the first place, where she wondered if looking for her brothers was worth it. It had been. Ryan had just started leaving his room again, she didn't even know how Sam was doing, and Elliot was in a coma. It'd been worth it, but Leo wasn't able to take care of them like Logan or Cass could. As soon as she hit eighteen, it would be her responsibility. She doubted Logan was going to let her stay that long, as nice as he was.

This made sense, as much as she hated it. Her and Jaxon's fighting wasn't a good environment for the kids, and she knew that the older ones were getting irritated as well, and she couldn't stop.

She didn't hate him...

...Maybe she did.

It was his fault she was leaving. It was all his fault.

She would miss them, but they would be fine. She didn't know where she was going to go- certainly not back to Emily's house, though she could possibly take her old one if nobody moved in. Or maybe that was too obvious. She wasn't old enough to legally own a house.

If she left- when she left- she likely wasn't going to know whether Elliot would be okay. She couldn't just take him, after all. If he woke up, he was going to be so pissed at her.

But Elliot was going to be fine. Dylan's weird spooky voodoo shit was keeping him alive, Cass's healing magic was keeping the wound stable. He'd be fine.

She walked across the street with the younger two, to where Logan's house was. Her hand was heavy, as she unlocked the door, pushing it open for what could have been the last time.

Leo still had to finish packing. She was leaving for a friend's house in just six hours now. Six hours left.

She would finish packing, go see her brother, wait until seven o'clock that afternoon, talk to Jaxon, and then she was going to leave.

...Leo found packing to be quite upsetting.

She tried to focus. She had done this before, when she left Emily's house. Back then, five months ago now, Leo had been rushing, there had been a sense of urgency. She needed to get out. 

This time, Leo was slow. She didn't want to leave, not really. This wasn't fair.

Leo tried to convince herself that she could get by just fine on her own. She barely talked to Cass before they left for New Hampshire, she barely talked to Kai or Marcy before they left. She only met the others five months ago. Leo's aunt and uncle- she could argue that she spent more time with them than her sister and cousins before they left, and they were hardly around. Leo took care of herself just fine before, she'd be fine now.

In one year and six months, Leo would be eighteen. That was old enough to buy a house, probably. At least, rent something. Leo could manage a year and a half. This wouldn't be hard.

"I'm sorry," was what Leo managed to say to her brother, still asleep. Leo adjusted the stuffed rabbit on his bed to be closer to him. Elliot didn't stir. Leo sighed a little. "I don't think I'm coming back. You'll be okay, won't you?"

"You will..." Leo continued. "You'll be fine. I'm sorry. This isn't your fault. None of this is your fault. Maybe I'll come back someday? I don't know."

If Elliot chose that specific moment to wake up, he'd be able to get Leo to stay. She knew that, and she hoped that he would choose that specific moment to wake up.

Leo took a final look at her brother, and left.

---

Something was up.

Jaxon didn't trust Leo at all. He kicked a pebble on the sidewalk, watching it bounce to the street. In the garden, he could see Leo sitting on the marble fountain, waiting for him.

After dinner (she was acting weird. She thanked Logan for letting her siblings stay there for so long, she looked near-tears as she claimed she was going to a friend's house, with a bag slung over her shoulder.) she had asked Jaxon to meet her in the garden, saying she wanted to talk.

Jaxon crossed the street. Crickets chirped in the dark silence, there was a quiet mumbling among people still walking this late in the night, the wind provided a cool breeze. The streetlights provided a faint, white light on the street. Cars drove past, wheels splashing against puddles from an earlier rain.

There was no gate to the garden. It was simply rows of dirt with flowers planted. Bushes formed arches, grown around curved wires and neatly trimmed, about five of them led to the marble fountain.

This was Dylan's favorite spot, the quietest part of the city. Dylan watered the flowers here in the spring and summer. They had met Cass here, which had led to the twins staying over.

Leo hopped down from where she sat on the fountain, walking towards him. Jaxon glared at the gravel trail beneath his feet. A petal laid on the ground. Aconite, wolfsbane. A poisonous flower.

A deadly foe is near. Jaxon always liked that particular flower. The meaning of it, he only remembered because Dylan got super into it once when they were nine. Jaxon remembered that specific one, because it sounded like a video game's final boss. He thought that was cool.

Leo was about five feet away, hands in her pockets, head hung low, expression unreadable.

"Leo," Jaxon startled himself with how low his own voice got. "I'm not in the mood-"

"I'm not going to fight." Leo's voice was dangerously monotonous, though it wavered a little. "I'm leaving. I wanted to apologize first."

Jaxon blinked, heart dropping a little. "You're... what?"

"I'm leaving," Leo repeated, harsher this time. "I'm not coming back, so I wanted to talk to you before I go."

Acid rose in his throat. His heart pounded. A thick knot in his throat made it impossible to speak. "You're- you're just going to leave?"

Leo nodded. Like she didn't even care. Jaxon took a few breaths, they came out shaking. Tears stung at his eyes. He wasn't going to cry-

He gritted his teeth, breathing grew sharp and unsteady. "You can't just do that! You can't just leave because things got a bit harder!"

Leo flinched backwards, gold eyes became cold and narrowed. Jaxon tensed, nails biting into his palms.

"That's the exact same fucking thing you did!" Leo made a wide gesture with her arms. "What the fuck are you talking about? What's the difference?" 

"I came back!" Jaxon took a step forward. "You're just leaving. Were you ever going to tell them?"

Leo didn't say anything. He was standing closer to her now. She was still six inches taller than he was. Leo's hands curled into fists, but her expression softened a little as she looked at something in the distance.

"Jaxon, Ryan's here..."

Jaxon whirled around, and sure enough, Ryan was hiding behind a streetlight, watching the fight. He noticed Jaxon staring at him, and recoiled, trying to make himself smaller. Jaxon winced. He knew what Leo was going to do.

And then, a hard punch to the side of the head sent him straight to the ground.

Jaxon barely had the time to brace himself for the impact, slamming into the gravel. For a moment, he was disoriented, having to blink to relocate himself. His palms stung.

Jaxon forced himself to stand, moving slowly, stunned.

Leo didn't move, didn't speak, stared with burning, yellow eyes. Red sparks flew from clenched fists. She wouldn't...

Jaxon lunged forward and knocked Leo to the ground. A crack echoed through the park, as Leo managed a kick to the stomach. Jaxon gasped, falling on his side. Leo hovered over him. He grabbed a handful of gravel, she stumbled back as the small rocks hit her face.

He managed to stand back up, shaking, breathing quick and painful, and glanced up in time to be shoved back to the ground, back digging into the sharp rocks.

Jaxon knocked her down with a kick to the knee. He was losing. Jaxon stood up. His fist collided with Leo's face, and for a moment, the sharp, pulsing agony of feeling his fingers crack distracted him. Her nose was bleeding now, bent awkwardly.

She grabbed him by the collar of his hoodie, he heard the fabric begin to rip, and suddenly, colors blurred around him, and a sharp pain- the fountain- collided with the back of his head, and he slumped over, vision fading.

Leo left.

[jacenotjason]

*frantically looks trough all your art to see wtf anon was talking about???*

HUH???

I am very sick ob anxiety as I write this so I apologize for errors but I wanted to explain stuff bc this is making me so violently anxious

Yeah I draw underweight ppl sometimes but I also draw average? And overweight? And all sorts of stuff? I don't MAKE characters underweight bc I feel like it there's usually a reason

Jaxon, for example, is underweight. That's bc he regularly forgets to eat and literally can't die. So if he doesn't eat he can't starve to death? If that makes sense

I do draw Robert underweight, too, but that's bc I wanted to draw diff body types with all three of the hatzgang. Roy's overweight, Ross is average and Robert's under. Also he was described as having skinny legs on the wiki and I just rolled with it idk

Thats all I can think of rn? I draw a diversity of bodies? That diversity includes underweight ppl sometimes. You can't ask for diversity and expect me to just leave out some ppl.

ANYWAYS sorry for the rant this has made me sickly anxious and i actually want to vomit LMAO aaa

[mrslimamalfoy]

Crush 💗

*not my photos

Finishing Crave and going straight to Crush wasn't the right thing to do, I think I had to sit down and wait for that moment, but the anxiety spoke louder and I started Crush at the beginning of the year, look how long this book consumed me, but there's a reason

👻 Grace doesn't help, at first I was dying to know what happened to her, like she turned to stone, she's a gargoyle! And that's amazing, you know, but since she came back with no memory and a lot of weird things happened until she found Hudson, it didn't get any easier.

👻 Now I'm getting disgusted with her relationship with Jaxon, because as you get to know Hudson and realise that she praises Grace and cheers for her, you start to resent Jaxon. At first I was telling myself that no matter what happens I'm going to root for him, but it gets hard when the guy says she'll regret not killing an ancestor. How awful!!! 👻The author is very good at building suspense and the layers she has given the characters are very well constructed, it's a teen book so you don't expect such depth to the characters and she details everything so well that I didn't mind the massive pages of story building. Sometimes I get lazy, especially before Ludares came along, I was getting really lazy about them. 👻 The plot of the day, even though the Beast scene killed me inside, was Flint saying that he LOVED JAXON, man, what do you mean, I thought he wanted to hook up with Grace and he throws that at me!!!!! I felt sorry for him when he told Grace that he'd been waiting for the boy for years and the guy was never available, which everyone knows wasn't true, he just didn't want him. 👻 I still don't understand how this partnership bond works! Because we know that Grace and Hudson were partners throughout the book, the way he looked after her and etc. But what about Jaxon? What about the strength and the bond that the two of them had? Like, did it never exist? I think that will be answered in the 3rd book 👻 Something I wrote in my book, specifically on page 448: Let's be rational, Jaxon is the worst boyfriend in the world, the most toxic being on the planet!!!! At the beginning of this book (give it up for the author who has written a great enemies to lovers book) I had a grudge against Hudson, saying that the world could fall apart for Jaxon and I'd still love him. But damn it, it's hard to love someone that rotten. The guy literally forces the girl to face a beast, for not thinking straight, and then students in a deadly game that only she could die!!!!!! I had a bit of a soft spot for the friends, but they were redeemed soon afterwards. I bet Jaxon is doing all this to get something in return

That's good enough

[ninthprime]

list of players who should fall onto the houston spies during fall ball (according to me)

rigby friedrich: i'm very amused by this "sporgias phenomenon" we're seeing, where two of our three falls so far have been former georgias. so i'd like to propose rigby, a player whose primary espionage skill is "oh fuck he's approaching me, oh god, oh fuck"

kaz fiasco: during the late expansion era some of the spies joked that it was inevitable we would someday receive kaz, as his pgr is "spying." perhaps now is the time.

sexton wheeler and/or mcdowell mason: look, i love sad horse man and the sasquatch captain as much as anyone, but can you imagine them learning spy skills? hysterical. i would like to see at least one of them, preferably both, in trenchcoats

phineas wormthrice: i need to see phinny interacting with nanci grackle's muppets. more importantly, it would be funny.

peanut bong: it would be funny.

lowe forbes: this might be even funnier

sutton bishop: also extremely funny

jessica telephone: though somewhat controversial, here's my reasoning: it would be, in the end, pretty funny

niq nyong'o: this one's just inevitable- now that nanci's on the team the sim is obviously going to curse niq with having to put up with hir again. the sporgias phenomenon continues. also, i like her.

mohammed picklestein: this one's cheating because mohammed was already a spies player, but 1. they're one of my favorites and 2. can you imagine noted blaseball safety expert mohammed picklestein on the same team as notoriously unethical nanci grackle?

at least one other blaseball scientist: niq and mo are the scientists i'd like the most, but really i just need at least 3 or 4 scientists/inventors/etc on this team. unfortunately the sim has already taken haruta byrd and mooney doctor from me as options but we've got a lot more. how about zion aliciakeyes? pedro davids? felix garbage? mint shupe? mullen peterson? maybe jomgy rolsenthal moves back to houston? maybe eve mcblase moves back?? whatever makes the vibes a little funky around here.

knight triumphant: last time knight was a spy they saw multiple people die and seemingly got cursed to wander the league. this time, they're going to have to put up with nanci grackle. and frankly: it's what they deserve

harriet gildehaus: i rest my case

isaac johnson: spies unionize! that's my argument. that and we need someone with defense on this team please i'm begging

tad seeth: i believe the spies always need a "spynosaurus" present somewhere on our roster

axel cardenas: imagine you were one of the worst blaseball players ever. and you've been jumping between the shadows of various teams. and you decide the best way to get a fresh start is to get onto the same team as your daughter and your younger siblings. and then you get to houston, and none of them are there, and the stadium is filled with necromanced muppets, and now you gotta learn how to read ciphers. hideous. anyway i love this guy and i'd like to see him

richmond harrison: i think richmond should be on every team, to improve the vibes of the league as a whole

commissioner vapor: this is a spy we just had again but one of the very first things i saw someone say when fall ball was announced was "it's just gonna wimdy us CV again." and frankly? yeah, probably

various other players i don't really have an argument for but it would be fun: ok here's a shortlist: miguel james. wyatt pothos. rafael davids. guy gulp. jaxon buckley. jayden wright. ronan jaylee. gerund pantheocide. mindy salad. coolname galvanic. nagomi nava. beck whitney. thomas dracaena. sandford garner. literally any crab. "crop, are you just listing random players you like now?" look if i keep listing them i'll predict at least one correctly, that's how blaseball works,

[percontaion-points]

Court (Crave #4) chapters 0-3

Click to see the rest of the snark & image descriptions

Prologue

0 Fake It Till It Breaks You —Hudson— 

I’ll allow it for the prologue, but you’re on thin ice.

I’m going to lose it if this book introduces alternating first person POV. 

And when I finally surrender to my fate, I’m afraid it will destroy us all.

Prologue summary: Grace and Hudson sit around Hudson’s room at the school. Flint is being taken care of in the nearest hospital, but sent everybody non-essential away. Now Hudson watches his mate endlessly checking for messages about Flint’s condition that haven’t come in yet. We aren’t exactly off to a good start, especially when you realise that there’s close to 1k pages and 178 chapters. 

Chapter 1

Which is just another way of saying we are completely screwed. Again.

Chapter 1 summary: An unknown amount of time later, everybody sits around in the infirmary and kind of goes “Well shit.” And I get that now’s a good of a time as any to sit around and sulk about a sucky situation, but at the same time… Literally the first two and a half pages of chapter one are nothing but this sulking. It got old before the end of the first page, and by the time that somebody finally bothered to speak, I wanted to chuck something at one of them. 

Somebody mentions that they have to tell Luca’s parents that he’s dead. That there’s literally a 48 hour window before a dead vampire’s body turns into dust. That his family deserves to bury their son. Somebody else points out that since Luca’s family are obviously vampires, they don’t know whose side they would be on. Calling them, even to give a notification of death, would be playing Russian roulette with word getting back to Cyrus. This divides everybody into groups of those who agree that no contact is the way to go, vs those who would tell the grieving parents that their son is dead. 

Chapter 2

With those dark emotions flashing over their expressions, the Order shifts so that they’re all standing at Jaxon’s back as he faces off against Hudson.

I literally can’t even. How the fuck do they expect to take down Cyrus when literally one thing set them off?

“Now we wait,” Hudson answers, his eyes on the door Jaxon just disappeared through. “And hope we’re not making a huge mistake.”

Chapter 2 summary: The group is so divided about this that it literally almost comes to blows. I’m not kidding; they all get up and choose their side. Grace stands in between them and reminds them of how unsafe that it is. But if things were ready to come to a literal fist-fight, then I don’t think that her reminder convinced anybody.

Marise tells them that she can stay at the school, while the group goes somewhere safer. But they all agree that they’re not going to leave Marise behind, no matter what. 

Eventually, it’s decided that if they don’t notify Luca’s family, that they’d be no better than Cyrus. Hudson sits back, clearly waiting for his “I told you so” moment. 

Chapter 3

“But our magic is tied to our soul. If Cyrus is trying to siphon it, he’ll end up killing them!”

Cyrus literally led a genocide against the gargoyles. You think he gives a shit if children die?

But now, realizing he might only want them for their magic, that he has no need to keep them alive after he’s taken what he wants from them, I can’t believe I took the time for a shower. Or—oh my God—actually made out with Hudson while students might be dying. 

…Okay. And? You don’t have a plan. You have like a dozen exhausted and injured SCHOOL CHILDREN on your side. And the school nurse, who is also injured. 

What exactly are you planning to do? 

“Luca’s parents are leaving now.” His face is grim, his eyes infinite pools of grief. “They’ll be here by morning.”

Chapter 3 summary: As Marise fusses over Flint, they try to ask what happened. She doesn’t have a lot to say. Except that she’s pretty sure that Cyrus took the kids not as hostages or for leverage, but to drain them of their magic and toss them aside. The thought makes Grace full of guilt that she took some time to take care of her own needs. 

Eventually, there’s literally nothing for them to do except to stand around and listen as Marise gives care instructions for Flint’s broken leg. They all stand and act like Flint’s care is the single most important thing in the entire world. 

Jaxon eventually tells them that he contacted Luca’s parents; they’ll be there in the morning. 

[holdmeiamscared]

OMNIPOTENT— homelander x reader #2

this is part two to my first bullshit rambling that you can find here: homelander x reader

the start of this picks up like a month after where the first one left off. this one is also ~3k words so like grab a snack 😬

⚠️: pre-season one, CANNON DIVERGENCE, threats of bodily harm, reader is more fem! presenting in this one but only in the beginning and during the sex part, reader is fuckin’ unhinged, reader is the guardian of their nephew (who is named in the fic), reader’s whole immediate family (minus their nephew) is deceased, homelander is his own warning, intercourse, oral (homelander eats pussy don’t argue with me)— fem bodied reader, praise, homelander’s mommy kink is in full swing now (soft dom! reader), homelander is still literally obsessed, reader is a jealous bitch, homelander and reader are toxic together, reader is in a fist fight with their feelings for homelander (reader loses), Madelyn Stillwell is manipulative, and also prolly (definitely) fucked homelander.

when you were still young, toeing on the line of being a woman, but still not old enough people treated you like one, your grandmother explained to you why she gained the nerve to finally leave your grandfather.

you were innocent then, bright eyed and unaware of how the real world hurt. you were unaware of how it would break you— how it would turn you into someone you barely recognize.

she had told you then, as a warning of some sort, “a golden cage, is still just a cage.” she looked sick to her stomach when she’d said it. the look in her eyes, the one you hadn’t understood all those years ago, it haunted you now— every night.

she’d died before she could see the woman you had become— before she could see the rest of your family die off slowly. some fucked up part of you was glad for that, your grandmother was a saint— she wouldn’t have deserved that pain.

but part of you was also jealous of her— she was spared the heartbreak of it all. she didn’t have to witness death after death after death, and she didn’t have to witness you lose your freedom.

but now, as an adult in a very tricky situation, you understood what she meant about golden cages.

the homelander hadn’t locked you up though, at least, not yet.

he let you keep living the way you had before— let you keep your freedom, but maybe that was somehow worse.

the fear of doing something to upset him, doing something to make him irrational, was always present. like you were walking on a microscopic trip wire— one that was attached to the biggest bomb known to man.

but still, he was so good to you, good to Jaxon. he was everything you could have imagined your spouse to be when you were a child, if you ignored the homicidal tendencies, of course.

despite all of his flaws, he wanted you; he loved you and Jaxon— he took care of the both of you. John was part of your family now, he was part of you, he was part of Jax.

he was ingrained in both of your lives— like a parasite.

sure, the homelander was a full-fledged psychopath, but he was yours.

maybe a golden cage wasn’t so bad when it came hand in hand with love— with family.

————

you were sure of one thing, and one thing alone— you didn’t like Madelyn Stillwell, not one fucking bit.

you hadn’t known her well enough before John to make such a brave statement, you still didn’t if you were honest, and despite your fear of sounding envious— you couldn’t help but to think of her as a snake in the fucking grass. venomous— just fucking dangerous.

somehow, she’d dug her manicured nails right into the homelander’s rib cage— and you wanted them out.

today was one of the scariest days of your life, to date. homelander had corralled you into a corner and declared that you two were now official. he didn’t even ask you— he told you, and you had hastily agreed in fear of upsetting him.

homelander kissed you breathless after you hesitantly agreed, the heat of his cock dragging along the length of your thigh, likely a desperate tease—after all, you hadn't fucked him since the first time, almost a month ago.

if the way he jerked when your hands groped at his biceps told you anything, it was that he was losing every lingering shred of his patience. he wanted you again and it made you dizzy— it made you delirious. you were drunk off the very thought of him pleading for you like he had before.

John pulled back as quickly as he started, hips grinding into you one last time, almost involuntarily. he heaved a sigh of your name— all rumpled and looking thoroughly kissed. you melted at the sight, humming happily up at him.

once the heat had vanished from under your skin, the first thing you wanted to do was tell Jaxon— he would be fucking ecstatic that you were finally in a proper relationship with the homelander.

however, the first thing John wanted to do was tell everyone. he wanted the whole fucking world to know who you were, who you loved— who you were loved by.

he was practically dragging you to her office before you knew it, all long limbs and pushy words about how he loved you, about how he wanted to show you off to the world— how it was only fair because you’re his now.

even as the elevator dinged, signaling your arrival to the correct floor— he was still speaking about how the two of you looked so fucking good together and how his fans deserved to see you, on his arm—where you belonged.

the ranting had continued right into her office, and Madelyn had forced a smile in your direction after homelander finished speaking.

she stood quickly, pausing to smooth the wrinkles in her pretty little dress, and once she had collected herself, she sternly told John— absolutely not. the tone she used left no room for question, she wouldn’t allow this— you and the homelander could never be together in public.

she said it with a sweet, motherly smile— and it made you sick. you can still recall the exact look in John’s eyes when she told him he could never go public with you, of all people.

she had said your name incorrectly, motioning to you with a vague indifference, and it made your blood run cold. that icy feeling in your veins didn't last long, because John corrected her on your name sharply.

you almost preened for him—almost.

she had nodded along, like she actually cared, before starting on a long-winded rant about how this was an awful idea.

she said you would ruin his image, that just being seen with you would drop him in the polls. she said he would lose his adoring fans, that they would think he was lesser than he was— because he fell in love with a nobody.

you didn’t like how sharp her words were— you didn't like how much they bothered you.

you didn’t like that she was looking down her nose at you— like you were insignificant.

you didn't like her.

that mean snear, the same one you’d used on homelander, the same one you had mastered when your grandmother died, masked the hurt on your face— this bitch didn’t even know you. how fucking dare she.

you were expecting John to explode into a rage, after all, if the homelander was anything, it was unreasonable— but he didn’t.

you had braced yourself for war, already mapping a way to escape, looking for a place to hide— but he didn’t do anything.

that almost hurt more than being talked to like you were lesser.

the way he so easily gave up on his plan to announce you as the love of his life— it made something churn in your stomach, something bitter.

and despite the way her words stung, the way it hurt that homelander didn’t fight for it, for you— you were happy with the decision to keep your relationship under wraps.

it was better this way— for the sake of Jaxon’s privacy. you’d explained that to homelander later— you wanted Jaxon to be normal. you didn’t want him to worry about people wanting to be his friend for what he had, for who he was.

“can you imagine how children would react if homelander’s self-declared nephew was in their class?” a smug grin pulls at his pretty lips, “he’d be the coolest kid in that whole fucking shitty school.” you fought the urge to roll your eyes, “they’d use him, John. he wouldn’t have any real friends.”

but that look in homelander’s eyes, it haunted you, it haunted you just like that look your grandmother gave you all those years ago.

that very night, his eyes take the place of your grandmother's.

the emotion in his eyes when he looked at her wares at you until you’re angry enough it fucking aches.

he looked so complicit, and all you can think about is that he looked at you like that once— when he was under you.

you didn't let John know that you saw it, but it eats at you.

it tears into you, burrowing fury into your skin all night long— it worms its way into your chest until you feel like you aren’t good enough.

you hate that feeling.

you decide that the homelander has a thing for Madelyn Stillwell.

and you don’t fucking like that.

————

the next day comes with more feelings you thought you would never experience for homelander.

when you notice Madelyn heading your way, you can't help the way your grip tightens against homelander's arm.

she looks happy, at least that’s how she appears in your mind, as she greets him with a smile, “thank you for having dinner with me last night, homelander.”

if homelander notices the way you stiffen next to him— he doesn’t show it. rage pools in your stomach, burning you up from the inside out— so hot it hurts. that bastard.

John had shown up late to your so called ‘family dinner’ last night. he’d made idle conversation with Jaxon about school, picking at his plate until you worried you had made him something he didn’t like.

now this, this made fucking sense.

he’d already eaten.

your blood pressure is on the rise, and this time— you know he knows. his free hand rubs at the one you have gripping at his forearm. it's an attempt to calm you, to quell your worries.

it doesn’t work.

all you feel is acid-soaked hostility and white-hot hatefulness rising from a pit you swore you’d locked up long ago.

you shake off the homelander’s grip, muttering about how you should be going back to work, and you hurry your way through the halls until you’re far enough away you can’t taste the anger anymore.

when you recline against a wall, steading your breathing, you try to remind yourself that you’re trapped with him— that he won’t let you go. you remind yourself that your love for him is fake— that you are nothing but a little bird, locked in your pretty golden cage.

but those thoughts, as true as they are, they don’t help.

later that day, despite your internal struggle, the petty part of you— the part that wants revenge, wins.

you pick Jaxon up from school, settling him in the back of your car with nothing but smiles and light laughter. then, when he asks you what you are planning for dinner, you answer him easily, one of your saccharine smiles pulling at your lips until your cheeks hurt, "i thought we would go out somewhere tonight. wherever you want, baby."

Jaxon asks if Uncle John will be there, and you have to fight off your smug grin. no, he won't. he can't be seen in public with you.

you and Jaxon are both nobodies, after all.

if the homelander wants to play— you can fucking play.

————

you only realize how stupid you are when you pulled into the drive of your ratty old house, hours after you were supposed to have dinner together.

you notice quickly that the kitchen light is on, and you can only imagine how much trouble you've gotten yourself into.

you let Jax go in first, let him greet homelander happily.

Jaxon is all smiles and hugs for his dear Uncle fucking John and despite yourself, when you catch sight of him, your anger dissipates. you greet him the same way you always do, with a sweet kiss and a murmured, 'hi, sweetheart.'

he's tense tonight— pulling you into a solid hug, his hands gripping at you too tightly for you to be comfortable.

it's a fucking threat, you know it is, but you don't waver—continuing to smile felicitously up at him.

it's only after Jaxon goes upstairs to bathe that John confronts you, and he's all malice hidden behind a soft smile, "where'd you go tonight, honey?"

your heart skips a beat, but not from fear, no— it's from excitement.

you peer up at him, every bit sweet, your lashes fluttering in the way you know makes you look faultless, "we went to Jaxon's favorite restaurant. sorry, sweetie— i figured you might have eaten somewhere else."

if the look in his eyes tells you anything, it's that he caught on to your jab, and he doesn't like the tone of your voice.

in response, you coo up at him, trying to dissipate the anger you see in his eyes with your cloying words, “i love you, John.”

he can't bring himself to stay mad at you— not when you say his name like that.

————

now, it's the next day and even after staying up half the night, telling yourself that Madelyn Stillwell wouldn't bother you anymore— you can't help the vexation you feel.

you had agreed to lunch with John— not with her.

she looks pleased to be sat next to him, successfully giving you no other choice but to settle in the seat across from homelander.

you're determined to cut this as short as possible, even if you have to fake an illness. which now, watching as she wraps her hand around his bicep— might not be so fake.

you're tense, pulled taught like a bow— ready to fucking snap.

you don't want to seem rude, but honestly, you’re on the verge of spooning out your own eyes.

in the heat of your jealousy, you don't hide your distaste— you move to leave, a tight smile marring your normally charming face.

a second passes when the homelander realizes you’re planning on leaving— and you think that he might actually let you go. you’re wrong, and his voice stops you dead on your feet, animosity thick in every word, every syllable, "honey—where are you going?"

you turn, voice thick with allure, you’re all doe-eyes and fake sugary innocence— you’re just fucking tempting him, " 'm just going to the bathroom, baby."

when you walk away, your hips sway in the way you know will keep his attention, the way you know will remind him of how they looked dropping in a steady rhythm against his.

after you turn the corner, the smugness, the tickle of revenge— it returns.

you don't come back to finish lunch with them.

————

later in the day, it's only fitting that he catches up to you when you're really in the bathroom.

probably some fucked up karma for telling him that was where you were going when you'd escaped all those hours ago at lunchtime.

the homelander is upset with you.

he's seething, lips curled up into a snarl, voice booming in the open space, and as much as you hate yourself for it, it fucking turns you on.

"just going to the fucking bathroom, huh?"

you blink owlishly up at him, feeling sticky on the inside when his leather clad hand rumples up his hair, "i told you where i was going— i didn't say i was coming back."

that's all it takes for his hands to slam against the tiles of the sink, the ceramic creaking under the pressure, "do you think you're fucking funny? i let you get away with dinner for Jaxon— but this? this?"

the homelander anticipates you to answer with your own anger.

he's come to expect that of you. you don't outwardly fear him and you never back down from an argument.

you're a goddamn luntic— and he fucking loves that about you.

but you don't yell.

you bite back your anger, and instead of raising your voice, you answer in a soft, honeyed one— one dripping saccharine syrup, "do you love me, sweet boy?"

it shoots heat down the homelander’s spine, makes his thoughts slow— you’re a fucking tease. he can hear your footsteps bringing you closer when he doesn’t respond. when you touch him, no hesitance in your movement, he sinks in to the feeling.

your hands brush against the eagles on his broad shoulders, trailing a path straight to his chest, and you linger there, kneading at the muscle— he short fucking circuits.

you shift yourself until you’re caged between his body and the sink, mouth parting in another question, “huh, baby? you love mommy?”

it’s a calculated risk— but a still a risk.

it fucking works.

the homelander’s bottom lip quivers, cerulean eyes darkening at the very sound of the word.

his quivering hands move from the tile of the bathroom sink to squeeze at the fat of your hips, “of course i love you.”

your gaze turns predatory and you push yourself up to sit on the sink, to level with him. your mouth hovers close to his, close enough you can feel his balmy breaths against your cupid’s bow— close enough you can feel the stutter in his breathing, but not close enough to kiss him the way he wants.

you stop to thank whatever fucker sitting up in the sky that you wore a skirt today.

it rides up slowly as you shift— the doughy fat of your thigh rippling invitingly with each movement. the motion catches his eye, draws his attention away from your mouth, and you can hear the hitch of breath in his throat— the desperate little noise that follows, “did you miss mommy’s pussy, John?”

he's nodding in agreement, hazy-eyed and oh so soft. you almost feel bad for him— almost.

you lean close, mouthing at the lobe of his ear, until his hands grope at the softness of your thighs, "you wanna taste it, honey?"

another nod is all you receive in response, but that isn't enough for you— not this time.

"c'mon sweetheart, mommy wants to hear you use your words," your hands trail from their perch on his chest to grope at the thick line of his cock, pressing out so temptingly from his groin of his suit, lining the curve of his hip, "tell me, sweet boy."

the noise he makes is so fucking depraved, and you feel it again— that omnipotent feeling in your chest.

it's delicious. he's delicious.

you're going to rip those manicured fingers out of his ribs— and you’re going to replace them with your fucking own.

"please— wanna taste it."

you don't deny him— you can't. you're just as desperate, thoughts sluggish and disgruntled as you spread yourself open.

your shaky hands pull at your underwear, and John, he's watching— watching as the strands of your slick break from the movement, watching as the translucent fibrils stick your soft skin.

he's looking at you like you're a goddamn masterpiece— and you fucking are.

you almost lose the control you have over him when his knees hit the floor, mouth opening to lap at the confection of you like you're the first thing he's tasted all day.

you attempt to gather yourself, but the sloppy drag of his tongue is so distracting, "gentle, John— mommy needs you to be gentle."

he does as you ask almost instantly, suckling at the most tender parts of you with the considerateness you had almost forgotten he has.

not long after that, you let him press your back to the mirror, you let him tug you to the edge of the sink, you let him hook your thighs around his hips— and you let him fuck you in the bathroom right down the hall from Madelyn Stillwell's office.

but it isn't as rushed as the first time, this time it's tender— soft and with each press of his hips into yours, with the homelander’s cock sinking impossibly deeper with each stroke, you forget each and every one of the worries that had been plaguing your thoughts for days.

in fact, you forget the reason you were so upset in the first place.

when his leather garbed hand tangles in your hair to pull you impossibly closer, to touch every part of you to him— to fuck you so thoroughly that the only thing you can think of is him, the homelander— your sweet boy, you can’t help the way your hips begin to roll down into his with a choked noise in your chest— you sound fucking depraved too.

the homelander mouths at where your pulse races in your throat, muffling the whimpers of your name falling from his lips— and you can't help but to think that this, this is bliss.

————

and now, as you help John fix his hair, that feeling of dread returns like a slow icy drip in your veins.

your jealousy has been mended— your thoughts are no longer irrational.

and your need for verification, the pettiness that let you to this situation, that got you stuck even deeper in his maw, it’s fucking gone.

but the way he looks at you—the crazed love in his eyes— the obsession, it's still there, and it terrifies you.

so when he bares down on you, mouth still carrying the tang of your arousal, the only thing you can hear is your grandmother's voice ringing through the emptiness of the bathroom.

you're looking up at John, but all you see is her, her with that evocative look in her eyes.

"i’ve been thinking, sweetheart,” bile rises in your throat, “you and Jaxon should move out of that shitty old house before it fucking falls in on you.”

you smile up at him, nervous about what he’s planning, “we don’t have anywhere else to go, John.”

the homelander tugs you closer, eyes dark with a silent threat, a threat that’s on standby for if you dare oppose him, “ah— but you do, honey. you can just come live with me.”

a golden cage, is still just a cage.

(PART THREE)

[jaxonkreide]

god you know how I bawled my eyes out so much at a fanfic a bit ago that I couldn’t really breath cause a character was dying in big Forever letters

but the author was just like

“NOPE CAN’T DO IT THEY DECIDE TO LIVE AND DO SO”

so yeah

I’m happy but

so salty as well

[angelasscribbles]

Bad Romance Epilogue 4: Drake

Series: Bad Romance

Fandom: The Royal Romance

Pairings for series: Riley x Liam, Liam x Max, Riley x Max, Riley x Drake, Riley x Rashad

Paring this chapter: Riley x Drake

Rating: R

Warnings for this chapter: Language

Word Count: 1,268

A/N: This one is written in first person because I just heard Drake's voice in my head, all I did was transcribe what he told me.

My other stuff: Master List.

When I said I’d do anything for her, I fucking meant it. I killed a man for her. I was willing to die for her. I took a bullet meant for her, and I’d do it again. All of it. And more.

There’s no line I wouldn’t cross for her, no law I wouldn’t break, no length I wouldn’t go to in order to protect her, defend her, avenge her. I might be a little insane when it comes to her, but I don’t care. She’s the only thing that matters. She’s everything. At least to me she is. And she’s mine.

Mine to protect, mine to safeguard, mine to love. Mine to obsess about, mine to dream about when she’s not with me and mine to hold close when she is. And yes, I’m dead fucking serious when I say I would end someone over her and not think twice about it. In fact, I have.

Yeah, I know she has a husband, my best friend no less. The fucking king of the country I grew up in. Which makes her the queen. I don’t mean figuratively, she’s the literal fucking queen. My queen. And Liam’s.

I guess it is both literal and figurative. Because her being the queen is a separate thing from her being my queen. As in, I would do anything for her. Does my devotion border on worship? Obsession? Insanity? Maybe. But she’s fire in my veins and I’m helpless against the feelings she ignites in me, has always ignited in me. My heart was frozen and empty before she filled it with passion and flame.

So, do I care that she has a husband, a country to run and a boyfriend that’s practically a second husband in the form of Maxwell Beaumont? No, I do not. I did, once, but I couldn’t break away. I tried and failed. The problem was that everything in me wanted her with a potency too strong to deny. I crumbled under it. Happily.

There has always been some kind of chemistry compelling us together, from the very first moment. Like a magnet, the force of attraction drawing us nearer and nearer to each other until we were circling one another like the moon orbits the earth, unable to break free from the pull of gravity. I fully expected to fall into her atmosphere and burn up until there was nothing left. But that’s not what happened.

She’s given me so much more than I ever asked for or ever deserved. She’s given me a true sense of belonging, a home. I never really had that before. Even before my father died, we were never really settled. And after…living in the palace surrounded by nobility, without either one of my parents? Well, that wasn’t it either. But now? Somewhere along the way that same ridiculously big, pretentious palace that use to feel more like a prison started to feel like home, warm and welcoming. Because she’s in it.

Valtoria is really our home, all of us. It has more of her personality in it, and I love being there. There, or the occasional time alone at my cabin, just the two of us. All of those places feel like home now. I finally realized, it’s not the structure, it’s the people in the structure that make it a home. Safe, loving, comforting. Never before had my entire body relaxed just because I walked through the door of a certain house. But it does now.

She gave me a son, named after my father. She spelled it Jaxon instead of Jackson, but it’s pronounced the same. And the kid looks just like me, anyone paying any amount of attention at all could put two and two together. She wasn’t even subtle about it. Jaxon Nolan Walker Rys. Nolan is my middle name, my mother named me after the greatest pitcher of all time, Texas Ranger legend Nolan Ryan, all-time leader in no-hitters. He was robbed of a Cy Young Award, and everyone knows it, but that’s not the point.

She certainly made my career more interesting. Guarding Riley has been an exercise in forethought, contingency planning and diplomacy. Trying to stay a step ahead of her can be exhausting. You have no idea the number of international incidents that have been narrowly avoided over the years because someone’s boyfriend, husband or son was a little too enamored of our queen. Or, sometimes their girlfriend, wife or daughter. She attracts attention wherever she goes, and she chaffs under restraint. She has always kept us on our fucking toes. It’s infuriating and frustrating is what it is. But I really wouldn’t have it any other way because then she wouldn’t be her. And I fucking love her.

I love her, and I always have. I loved her almost from the beginning. I loved her through the social season and that stupid engagement tour, through my suspension and trail, through her engagement to another man, through her marriage to my best friend. I have loved her through four decades, five children and three terrorist threats to our nation. I’m never going to stop.

She somehow, against all odds, brought me closer to Liam as well. I love him too, I don’t mean in a sexual or romantic way, but I guess I’m as close to him as I am to Savannah. Closer, if I’m being honest. None of this would feel right without him here. This is not how I imagined my life would turn out, none of it.

But somehow, even Max has burrowed his way under my skin. I like the guy. He’s not as flighty or as frivolous as I once believed him to be. I guess he was my lesson in judging people based on their station in life. I have to admit, he has a calming effect on her, and on Liam. I don’t know how he does that. Liam and I both tend to rile her up more often than not, but Max comes along and just soothes all her ruffled feathers. I never in a million years thought I’d be going to Maxwell Beaumont for relationship advice, but he’s kind of an expert on how to navigate all of….this.

I may not have envisioned this type of relationship when I was younger, but to be fair, I never envisioned any at all. Didn’t want one, didn’t think I needed one. But as it turns out, I needed her, I wanted her. It wasn’t the relationship, per se, it was the woman. And once I let go of all the preconceived notions of what a relationship was supposed to look like….the thing I had never wanted anyway, and just let ours be what it is, that’s when everything changed. Changed for the better.

So yeah, she’s given me a true sense of home, a place where I belong. She’s given me freedom and control over my career. She’s given me a family, in the form of Liam, Max and the kids. But most of all, she’s given me herself. Her body, her heart, her trust, her devotion. This woman planned and helped execute a murder for me. There is no question that her feelings for me are real and it’s hard to believe there ever was. I love her. Completely, unconditionally, maybe a little obsessively.  

So no, I don’t care that she has a husband, and a boyfriend, or whatever Max is to her, exactly. I only care what I am to her, what she is to me, what we are to each other.

Everything.

[skyllion-uwu]

I think it's hilarious that Charles is basically a stereotypical Tumblr Sexyman because Charles' original form was literally a shadow posing as a high up scientist trying to find a body to inhabit and I decided to make a hypothetical body and just ended up making a Sexyman and going "Yeah that works" without me realizing "Oh! That's a Sexyman!" and a few years later I make a Picrew version to show my friends and they're like "That's a Sexyman". The design is around 4 years old but I can't change it because it's perfect even though the mad scientist theme isn't relevant anymore.

Amd if my OCs ever became super popular, just... the amount of poor little meow meowing Charles would get. Like you know that Tumblr post with the Anon being like "Poor Kylo Ren he had to watch his father die right in front of him when Anakin never had a father and Luke never knew who his was?" Yeah it'd be like that with Charles. "Poor Charles had to suffer through unchanging timeloops and watch Jaxon, the only person Charles cares about, not remember anything about their relationship 💔💔💔" Never mind the fact Charles kept resetting the timeloop on purpose and refused to tell Jaxon "Yeah we know each other and you used to like me but don't anymore"

[raidbossmadi]

Rough Patch

Early CoV

Tyreen paced up and down the length of the Cathedral infirmary waiting room. She was glad that aside from the glass door, the walls of the room were thick metal. The God-Queen couldn’t be caught nervously wringing her hands as she paced like a captive lion. Not that she looked like the God-Queen when she was draped in a too big hooded jacket over a thin tank top, however she couldn’t settle down or stop herself. Troy was in surgery; perhaps the most extensive operation he’d been through besides breaking his jaw when they were teenagers.

She took a deep breath and reminded herself that it would be ok, that this was necessary. It wasn’t his fault he was so fragile, a fact that had been repeated to her by her parents since they’d been born back on Nekrotafeyo. She’d always had to be strong while she watched their parents dote over him, their mother boosting him with her own siren energy when he was running low. Tyreen had never been sickly, only catching a cold once or twice in her childhood,and she had never been severely injured before the incident with the guardians.It had always been so hard to wrap her head around the fact that her twin brother, who had once even been a part of her could be so sickly in return.

It was for that reason that Tyreen was grateful when Allison had sat her down and explained in great detail what they would be doing to Troy in this operation. She had been the one to catch that the scrap contraption Troy called a right arm was pulling his spine out of alignment and exacerbating a congenital defect in his vertebra. Without this operation the damage would worsen,and the neurological symptoms would become unavoidable. Allison had also gotten Troy to agree to getting a neural port installed so that he could actually use the arm instead of just hanging off him like the hunk of scrap it was.

None of that helped now,though,she was still anxious about what was going on beyond the waiting room door. In her mind, images flashed of her brother flayed open on a cold operation table picked through like an animal being dissected. Their fathers' warnings of what the corporations would do to them repeated over these images. She hated how the infirmary smelled, so sterile and clean. It felt fake like that, especially here on Pandora. Nothing should be this clean not even if it was a medical practice.

Tyreen stopped her pacing and shook her head, this was ridiculous. Allison Spectra was the woman who had saved them when she had been sure Troy was about to die in the Promethean slums. She had been their doctor for years at this point there was no reason to think she would suddenly be untrustworthy, especially when she’d brought in one of the best neurosurgeons in the six galaxies to aid in the operation. Troy was literally in the most capable hands he could be in, she just needed to relax.

She sat down in the chair she had left her bag on and fished out her echo-phone. Everyone in the Inner Circle knew what was going on, and Juni had assured her that they would handle things until Troy was stable. Tyreen still couldn’t help but check in on the morning reports, Jaxon had just finished leading the sermon. While it was a relief that the Children of the Vault could run itself without her constant supervision. Tyreen felt like it was all she had control of in this moment. If she truly needed to, she could phone Juni and have her do whatever she needed done, of course she knew that she should just let it rest, for now, and focus on the things at hand but it was comforting to know that one thing at least was always in her control.

She did however open the channel she used to talk to all the department heads. The moment her icon took a green aura indicating she was online she immediately got pinged by Juni.

Juniper (Marketing) : TYREEN! Turn it off!

Juniper (Marketing): You promised you’d look after yourself, micromanaging us isn’t looking after yourself Tyreen. I can handle things while you worry about yourself and Troy, Jaxon is on the alert too she promised to handle anything that comes her way.

Tyreen huffed at the messages, even though they made her feel fuzzy inside. Knowing that Juni was looking after her she couldn’t just not answer.

Tyreen (God Queen): Thanks. I’ll head off now, you remind me to get you a gift basket or three when this is handled.

She closed the app and sifted through some current news articles looking for anything to distract her. Until the door clicked open, one of the nurses stepped out and was almost immediately accosted by Tyreen.

“Is it done? Is he ok? He’s ok right?”Tyreen would never act like this if she thought it would get out into the general public but the medical team was sworn to secrecy the same way the department heads were.

“God-Queen, we aren’t done quite yet. Dr.Spectra wanted to speak with you. She’ll be out in a moment.”The nurse said in a tone that had anyone else used they would have found themselves husked. Today though nobody would be husked, these people were here to do a job.

The nurse disappeared back behind the door and after what felt like entirely too long the familiar face of Allison Spectra stepped into the room. Most of her definable features were masked off by her surgical scrubs but her amber eyes that softened when they focused on Tyreen were unmistakable.

“Ah Tyreen, don’t worry everything’s been going perfectly fine. We’ve installed all the vertebral implants and Dr.Sampson is getting ready to install the neural port. Actually that’s what I wanted to speak with you about, as I’m sure you can imagine it’s a bit of a delicate process and while Dr.Sampson is the best neuro specialist in this arm of the galaxy things can still be a little tricky.”Allison held up a hand as Tyreen began to glare at her.

Tyreen weighed the words carefully. She did not want to jump to any conclusions but Allison more so than anybody else in the CoV would know how seriously Tyreen took her brother's health. How could she not when she had been the one who had found a freshly rained on frantic eighteen year old in the lobby of her private practice on Promethea sobbing and begging for help, that her brother was sicker than he’d ever been. Allison had only ever been here to help, and she knew that.

“Shouldn’t you, y’know be in there then? Not out here with me?”She said after what felt like an insufferably long pause. Surely if the operation was not done, one of the attending physicians shouldn’t be out here with her just because she was wearing a track into the floor.

“I’m not a neurosurgeon if you’ll recall,the nurses can handle watching his vitals. There’s no reason for me to be clogging up the operating room when there’s nothing more I can do.”Allison took her mask and gloves off, shoving them into a pocket of her operating scrubs, then placed a gentle hand on Tyreens leg.”Besides, I figured you could use some company.”

Tyreen said nothing to that. It was true she could use the company. How often did she forget that despite all her bluster she was a person, there was only so much she could shoulder by herself before the bottled up emotions ran over. She said nothing but let the hand remain, a good little reminder that she deserved the comfort of others.

——

Tyreen didn’t know what to expect when she walked into Troy’s hospital room. The only force driving her forward right now was the need for visual confirmation that her twin was alive and well. Dr.Sampson had used a lot of big medical terms she didn’t really understand while telling her the operation had been successful. To be honest her brain had mostly blocked out everything he’d said after confirming that Troy had taken all the implants well. She knew that anything that she needed clarification on she could turn to Allison for, but nothing would settle her other than seeing Troy herself.

Nothing could have prepared her for what she saw when she entered the room. Time seemed to slow around her as she looked at the heavily bandaged figure that lay in the hospital bed. Her mind immediately registered him as her brother. However,he looked so different in that moment, even when he’d needed his jaw glued back together he still looked like Troy. Laying in the bed now he looked so small.

She was transported back in an instant to Nekrotafeyo, to the days when she would be pulled by her father kicking and screaming away from the bed while her mother would cradle Troy’s tiny body in her lap, how still he would be sometimes. This was just like that only mom and dad weren’t here now to stroke her hair and tell her everything would be alright.

Allison and Dr.Sampson had both warned her that it wouldn’t be pretty, that there would probably be blood seepage,but not to worry unless it seemed excessive.Even so,the bloodstained bandages caught her attention.She was glad that Troy was being pumped full of the best pain killers on the market because even without seeing what lay under the bandages it looked so painful.

It took every ounce of self-control she had to not just touch him with her powers and take the pain away. The doctors had been very clear with her that she could not make the same mistake she’d made with his jaw. He would be laid up for a month at the longest;they had to let his body heal naturally or he would likely be paralyzed if not worse. She perched in the chair by his bedside so afraid that if she were to so much as breathe on him he would turn to dust before her eyes.

She hummed softly, the old lullaby their mother used to sing when they were scared or afraid. Leda had so many lullabies that Tyreen felt like she did no justice to. They were, however, one of the last tenuous strands to their mother they had left and in this moment she needed the strength that Leda had always had.

***

Tyreen was determined to sit vigil at her brother's bedside; she hadn’t left the room in days. When the medical team would come in to check on him she’d excuse herself to the bathroom or go stand in the hallway. She had seen them change his bandages once and that had been one time too many for her. Allison asked her if she’d eaten every time she came in and Tyreen lied through her teeth, she hadn’t left the infirmary ward at all, for once in her life her ability to sustain herself without eating was useful.

She’d fallen out of the habit of checking her echo every ten minutes, if someone needed her attention so desperately they could message her. She was deep in thought when movement at the door caught her attention and Juniper walked in. Tyreen had forgotten that she’d given Juni permission to enter the ward if she so chose to, but she was glad to see a familiar face from outside the ward.

“Hey.”

“Hey.” Tyreen echoed back at her, her gaze never straying. Juniper dragged a chair from the corner of the room and sat next to her God-Queen.

“How’s he doing?” She asked, placing a hand on Tyreen’s shoulder.

“Fine. They’re gonna have him sleep through the worst of it.”

“And how are you doing chica? You look like you haven’t slept in days.”

“I haven’t. Not really at least. I’ve caught a few hours here and there but…I just worry something awful will happen to him while I sleep.” Tyreen rubbed her eyes, she felt like a ghost of herself.

“You can’t hold yourself responsible for that Tyreen. You know that right? This is out of your hands now.” Juni soothed giving the other woman's leg a reassuring squeeze.

“I can though. This is my fault, the fact that he needed the operation at all, the fact he’s so sick all the time. All of it.”

“Would you blame yourself if he was like this and you hadn’t been born the way the both of you had been?”

Silence met the question and after a long pause with no answer in sight Juniper sighed.“ I get it. He’s your family, he’s all you got, but that doesn’t mean you can tear yourself apart like this.”

She sighed again and looked to the door before looking back at Tyreen. “Listen, when I was just a little younger than you my family lived in the Promethean slums. Folks didn’t care about what ended up in the air or water cos we were the underbelly and they were progress. I had a younger sister and I had to sit and watch as she got sicker and sicker and nobody gave a damn. I had to watch my sister suffer and die and accept there wasn’t a damn thing I could do about it. As the older or stronger sibling we so often feel like it’s on us alone to protect our siblings, but we can’t do it all Tyreen.”

“Troy’s a tough guy, and you're literally sitting in one of the best medical facilities on Pandora. He’ll be alright and if he does need you? Shouldn’t you be in the best condition you can be to provide for him. Please just get something to eat, have a nap. I’ll stay here and watch him for you Ty.”

Tyreen looked up at Juniper, there were tears in both of their eyes and a look of understanding Tyreen had never seen from another person before. She had always thought her burdens were things she couldn’t share with anyone else, she hadn’t even considered that other people would feel powerless in such a situation. She figured that regular people just accepted that other peoples lives were out of their control. For Juniper to understand her pain and be willing to watch over Troy in her place, it touched her. Juniper was among the few people Tyreen considered a genuine friend and this only cemented that thought for her.

She got up slowly, feeling a bit dizzy. Perhaps she did need to eat more than she thought she did. She gave Juniper a small tired smile.

“Promise you’ll call if anything changes.”

“You’ll be the first to know hun.” Juni patted her shoulder and tilted her head towards the door. “Go on, go take care of yourself.”

[vrenaewrites]

HUSH HUSH by Becca Fitzpatrick thoughts: Prologue - Ch 11

Full video here.

We start right away with a bible verse which, if you’ve read any of my books, you know I’m a big fan of

We have a prologue from 1565 France…

The visual of a person perched on a gravestone and mistaking them for an angel statue at first is cool tbh

“Who are you?” “One of the devil’s brood”

The mind control parts of this I like, and I already have a feeling this is the gonna be the best part of this book

Except we don’t get another example of someone fighting it the way he is fighting it - nora doesn’t even realize it’s happening when it happens to her which isn’t as fun

The guy being maniped is a duke and the angel tells him no you’re half fallen angel so do what i tell you (nephilim)

This angel doesn’t have wings but a big cut in the shape of a V on his back

CHAPTER 1

The image of a barbie and ken taped to the chalkboard of the sex ed class is great

Her best friend’s name is V!

“Camera phones to take photos for the school E-zine”

Oh shit she’s a hoe

“V as in virgin” never mind

“It may not have occurred to you kids that sex is more than a 15 minute trip to the backseat of a car” lmaoooooooo

Is this book gonna be good? Did yall lie to me??

The school e-zine

V is a “few pounds over curvy” damn

V is my “untwin” i love that

“I’m all legs like a barstool”

The sex ed teacher is making them all sit by new people...in april…

She knows everyone except the transfer who of course is her new seat mate...this is a very convoluted way to get them to sit together

“It was a smile that spelled trouble with a promise”

“Human reproduction can be a sticky subject” LMAO

“Call me patch. I mean it. Call me.” and he winks

He takes pictures “of an ezine columnist who…” and describes a bunch of stuff about her and she’s like what the fuuuuuuck

And then he is like “you’re scared of what you can’t control”

He knows she plays the cello

She doesn’t wanna ask for another partner because she doesn’t wanna let him win and i’m like NORA CALL THE FUCKING COPS!!!!!!!!!! THIS GUY HAS BEEN STALKING YOU?!?!?!?

She has a cut on her wrist, her dad was murdered

At the end of class he gives her his number so she can get her answers - she no longer has it by chapter 18 but doesn’t remind the reader that she did have it written on her hand so we just think becca forgot nora already got his # for a bit

She’s a sophomore, he’s a senior

He has black eyes and wears all black because ofc

CHAPTER 2

They get a lot of fog and don’t have many neighbors

Mom is an auction coordinator so she’s not around a lot so there’s a german housekeeper that watches over her

But she leaves her alone at night...i already KNOW patch is gonna be “Watching over her” ala edward watching bella sleep i just KNOW

She’s thinking that patch seemed closed off but she liked what she had seen - aka his bod

“Smile that was part playful, part seductive” NOTHING about the interaction y’all had sounded seductive!!!!!! This is exactly like in crave when she’s getting horny that jaxon is yelling at her...like these men seem UNHINGED. Why is that sexy????

“Biology was my toughest subject, i teetered between an A and a B” i’m gonna punch you. I know you wanna go to ivy league so this matters but…

She calls patch!!!!

She asks if he wants to meet up to finish the assignment...you couldn’t...ask...over the phone??

“Nora” he says my name like it’s the punchline to a joke

He hangs up on her because he’s playing pool

She starts her assignment anyway: “jerk” “smokes cigars, will die of lung cancer, hopefully very soon” i laughed v hard tbh

“Excellent physical shape” and then crosses that out lmaooooooo

She flips a coin and it makes her decision: go to the arcade and confront patch

The cashier is pissed that she didn’t pay to get in so she sneaks by

“I was like a rolling snowball gaining speed and momentum” weird out of place metaphor but ok

Patch says she’s with him and the cashier lets her go

His black eyes are magnets clinging to her every move

She feels something different here, more animosity, more electricity...more horniness

“Queasy tap dance in my stomach”

Something about patch wasn’t right, something about him wasn’t normal, something about him wasn’t safe

“Biggest dream” “to kiss you” she doesn’t buy it so like good for her but still blech

Patch says he’s never been to school before and nora’s like you’re a liar

And he says he came because of her

He says “those cold pale grey eyes” are surprisingly irresistible

There are almost zero connections between what she’s saying and what he’s saying, as if he’s having a conversation with himself...it’s really hard to follow

“And that killer curvy mouth” ew

“You seem to know a lot about me,” i said, making the understatement of the year.

“Say provoke again, your mouth looks provocative when you do”

Her jaw twitches when she lies

He has a birthmark in the same place she has a scar...soulmate shit fer shure

She says after her dad died a strange presence felt like it was “orbiting her world, watching her from a distance” like...a guardian angel perhaps

She feels someone in the house with her and i’m calling it now: patch is “Watching over” her

CHAPTER 3

She’s trying to come up with reasons for patch not to be her partner anymore...he fucking ADMITTED TO TAKING PHOTOS OF YOU AND STUDYING YOU AND BASICALLY STALKING YOU. IF THE COACH WON’T LISTEN GO TO THE PRINCIPAL ABOUT THAT SHIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

She’s anemic and has to take iron multiple times...a day??

“What qualities are you attracted to in a potential mate?” asks the teacher

She’s not ready so patch answers, “intelligent, attractive, vulnerable”

“How do you indicate if a female is interested?” and patch says, “if she’s biting her lip and playing with her hair the way nora is doing right now” lmao

“She’s game”

He puts his arm on the back of her chair and mouths “vulnerable” and while i would literally call the cops on a man for this, it was kind of hot in context

She tells coach she feels uncomfortable sitting by patch and he’s like, “not only are you gonna keep sitting by him i actually need you to tutor him.”

Fire this fucking guy IMMEDIATELY.

How lazy is this writing becca. How lazy. You couldn’t think of any other ways to make them spend more time together??

She and V go to the movies to write a review for the e-zine and v says: “can you imagine living your whole life without a clue that the only reason you’re being kept alive is to be used as a sacrifice?”

Do you smell that? The foreshadowing

V says patch’s dark side calls to her and nora is thinking, yeah no shit.

There was a dark magnetism, i felt lured to the edge of danger, at any moment it felt like he could push me over the edge.

Edge twice in the same sentence, crave’s editor has been in the game since 2009 apparently

V’s basically like nora you’re not attracted to anyone and nora’s like i haven’t found love and v’s like it’s about fun not love dumbdum

V says Patch would probably be “really good”

Nora says patch isn’t good for v and v says, “Careful, you’ll only make me want him more” and i’m like...i know this book came out when i was a freshman but somehow, becca fitzpatrick managed to put me from sophomore year in this book lmao

Marcy a cheerleader with “half a bottle of foundation on” and “¾ of an inch between her skirt and underwear, if she was wearing any” sits beside them

Yikes

She calls V supersize: YIKES

Marcy’s being a dick to V and V just goes, “you have food stuck in your teeth, chocolate ex-lax maybe?” i love this so much

Patch is at the library…

V’s like “i’m trying to read the title he’s checking out...how to be a stalker?” lmao i love V

V thinks patch is following nora but she’s kind of into it lmaoooo

Nora’s like he’s alluring but also fucking scary

She hits someone during a storm on the way home

He’s wearing a ski mask?!??!?!?!?

The car died oh my gooooooood

He’s tearing the door off??!?!?!!?

He punches through the window!!!!!!!!!

CHAPTER 4

She’s like totally freaking out but doesn’t wanna tell V that a dude almost tore the door off the car

She goes to V’s to avoid being alone

When she and v examine the damage...there is none…

She realizes the eyes behind the ski mask were black like patch’s eyes

She can’t remember hardly anything about the crash which is freaking her out

They meet some dudes called elliot and jules who is SIX FOOT TEN

They are probably other fallen angels that are after nora, and then elliott says he just transferred to their school from the prep school as of today, so yeah, this is what’s happening

Also...it’s fucking april. Who transfers schools in april

“You smell good” “it’s called a shower” lol

They’re having like an “are you following me” talk during the quiz

“I wanted my life to go back to the way it was before patch barged into my life”

I truly don’t know if it’s the delivery of the audiobook narrators that is making this issue SO GLARING to me but jfc

She confronts him after class to talk patch into asking to switch seats but he’s like “nah you’ve grown on me”

V really wants to sleuth around and read Patch’s file

CHAPTER 5

they go to the nurse’s office using nora’s iron pills as a distraction to get into the files in the front office

Nora needs to register her iron pills with the nurse...it is april...she has been taking pills out of her backpack all year...no one cared???

She says this is all because she thinks patch is stalking her - which no shit he admitted to taking pictures of you…

V called in a bomb threat from the pay phone outside!!!!!!! I’m fucking crying

Also if you guys don’t know what pay phones are, let me know

She’s trying to punch through the window in the door!!!!! V is the fucking greatest

IT WAS UNLOCKED ANYWAAAAAAY I’M SCREAMING

“As patch’s biology partner, i had a right to know”

The principal caught her but doesn’t suspect her

She meets back up with v at a mexican restaurant

The one patch works at!!!!!!

He asks her what she’s doing sunday night

“You’re getting cocky. I like that, angel” - bleck

“Not on a date, not alone” a hot thrill upon speculating what a night alone with patch would entail

Bitch!!!!!!! You just committed a crime to find out if this dude is STALKING YOU but you still wanna fuck him???????????

“Did you just call me angel? I don’t like it.” “it stays, angel” negging asshole

He brushes his thumb on her mouth and says “you’d look better without lipgloss” HARDIN SCOTT HAS ENTERED THE CHAT

“Interested? We’re talking about you, i’m fascinated.”

“You aren’t ready to know me”

I looked in your student file - BITCH. NORA. IF HE IS STALKING YOU. AND YOU FOUND OUT SOMETHING SERIOUS IN HIS FILE. THAT GIVES HIM SOOOOOO MUCH CAUSE TO LIKE...MURDER YOU?!

It’s totally empty. “I’m going to expose you” “i look forward to it”

“Why are you looking at me?” “because you’re nothing like what i expected” “neither are you, you’re worse”

CHAPTER 6

Elliott is in her gym class

The fog seemed to clog my lungs...fog and clog...don’t like it

Marcy miller… “that’s because you haven’t met anyone better, like me.” marcy twisted her hair around her finger. “You’ll hear all about me soon.”

He calls her gray, her last name, which is a trope i thoroughly enjoy

We describe marcy’s smile as toxic twice in 2 paragraphs

Elliott comes up behind her to help her with her batting stance

“Let me show you, like this, you feel that? Relax” EXCUSE ME

She hears her name in her mind said in someone else’s voice, it’s patch

“Batting lessons, nice touch” elliott is TOTALLY a rival angel guy

“I told myself i imagined the words because the alternative was considering that patch held the power to channel thoughts into my mind. Which couldn’t be. It just couldn’t.” this type of stuff makes me roll my eyes.

“Not yet” she hears in her mind, and ends up slamming it out of the park

She gets smashed in the head with the glove and ball, ouch

Elliott blows on her scraped kneeeeeeeee

“Had he talked directly to my thoughts? Was there some inexplicable link between us that allowed it happen? Or was i losing my mind?” meh

Elliott “i’m not gonna chase after an unavailable girl”

He invites her on a date

CHAPTER 7

There’s a convo with the housekeeper about “reinventing the sexy side” and not changing yourself for a boy…

V calls and is like “let’s go to the party on the coast”

Driving moccasins?

Damn V is like “you look like a boy, put some lipstick on”

And Nora isn’t wearing makeup because patch planted the idea in her mind - NEGGING!!!!!!!

The delphic coast sounds like a blast

The new ride is called the arcangel lmao

Patch is at the arcade omg

Jules looks as enthusiastic as three day old meatloaf - this is a very weird metaphor but i don’t mind it much?? It would have bothered me in crave but there haven’t been many in this book so far so it’s not like completely pulling me out of the moment

It’s a new day, and today, the name patch is really irking me. It sounds like a dog

V is STIRRING THE POT between Elliott and Patch god i love her soooo much

Elliott wants to talk to patch about leaving nora alone!!!!

V is a messy bitch who lives for dramaaaaaaaa

Nora goes to talk to patch so elliott won’t start shit

“He was tall and lean and hard and i was sure he had street fight scars under his clothes...not that i wanted to look under his clothes” LMAO

She asks what he’s playing and he says, “baseball, wanna stand behind me and give me a few pointers?” LMAOOOOO he hates elliott so muuuuch

Patch challenges her to a pool game, she punches his arm, he says “Careful they might think we’re flirting” this guy is MADDENING

“Part of me wanted to run away from him screaming fire, the other wanted to see how close i could get without...combusting” AHHHHHHH

He’s talking to her in her thoughts and then being like, “you know that sounds crazy don’t you?” GASLIGHT CENTRAL

“You scare me, and you’re not good for me” “i could change your mind”

“Meet me at the arcangel, i’ll be waiting”

CHAPTER 8

Nora goes to get cotton candy and sees the arcangel, and she goes

She gets the “cold heart-stopping feeling that someone is watching her” and spots a hooded figure

She runs into patch and he’s like “if you keep running away from me, you’re never gonna figure out what’s going on” and she’s been drinking dumb bitch juice so she’s like OHKAY.

Now she’s not scared of the arcangel because patch makes her feel safe...no he DOESN’T?!?!?!?!?

“If you ride without screaming, i’ll get coach to switch our seats” why do i feel like this is gonna be that scene in the movie fear where they hook up at the top of the ferris wheel

“I don’t scream, not for carnival rides.” not for you is her inner voice i assume and ommggggg

He sits in a car that shows demons ripping the wings off an angel, an angel sitting on a gravestone and watching children, then possessing a little girl

Okay foreshadowing

“Scared, angel?”

Our car flew demonically fast - we get it

Her seatbelt came undone and she fell out!!!!!!!

Oh wait...she didn’t? She ended up grabbing him and screaming??

CHAPTER 9

He offers her a drink from his soda can and she’s like “ooh my mouth where his mouth is”

Her phone is dead so she hitches a ride with patch...did he kill her phone with angel powers somehow??

V had left her!!!!?????

Ooh or did the boys kidnap her??

So she’s sure the mind-talking is real but not sure if the guy in the mask or the falling off the coaster is real…

Patch rides a motorcycle because ofc

He takes her home and then has her keys in his hand somehow

He is totally fucking with her, the key won’t turn if she uses it but he can get it to work

“Go ahead, i’m home alone” immediately i realized it wasn’t a smart thing to say

Self preservation has left the chat!!!!!!!! The same boy you thought was stalking you 3 days ago, you just told him you are home alone...dumb bitch juice

“Dorothea will be here soon. She’s old but strong, very strong” You would absolutely be the first to die in a horror movie, nora

He comes inside without her inviting him so he can make her tacos

He...knows where her kitchen is...fuck no

She is scared of him having a knife but also...goes over to him so he can show her how to make tacos…

So idk if most teens are so horny they’re literally willing to die for it, because i was on antidepressants when i was grace’s age and i had no desire to get busy...please let me know in the comments below if you ever went from scared of a dude to wanting to bone him at breakneck speed the way nora continually does in this book

“I’ll answer your questions if you make tacos”

This is a VERY horny scene where he stands right behind her and like whispers in her ear how to cut the tomato…

“Did you follow me to the library?” he smiles and she’s like OH FUCK I WANNA KISS HIM RIGHT NOW

NORA!!!!!!!!! FOCUS

“Scared?” “no” “maybe i’m just scared of -” “liking me?” “yes...wait no”

“I feel a scary attraction to you”

He lifted her onto the counter!!!!!

“You should go” “go here?” his mouth went to my shoulder “or here?” it moved up my neck AHHHHHHHHHHH

Her mom calls and she’s like “can i call you back?” her mom says “sure what’s wrong” and she HANGS UP LMAOOOOOOO

UMMMM THOUGHT HER PHONE WAS DEAD?!?!?!?

CHAPTER 10

V calls her and is like “i was looking for you all night” and nora is like “ummmm no you fucking left me???” and v’s like “DID Y’ALL KISS?!”

“I’ll pick you up at 4” “thought we were meeting at 5?” “circumstances have changed” lmao V for president tbh

We get a weird story about lionel dorothea’s godson daring nora to lick a broken piece of glass, “falling for patch would be like licking that shard”

This is the WEIRDEST analogy i think i have ever heard…

This is a first draft analogy for sure

She acknowledged that her phone had been dead so wtf happened

They go to victoria’s secret and she’s like “ooh sexy stuff ooh patch” wait i shouldn’t be thinking about dangerous patch

“I secretly enjoyed the attraction between us but the eeriness outweighed it” ma’am are you trying to lie to yourself or the reader because 1. It’s not a secret, 2. We (i) keep SCREAMING at you to have a shred of self-preservation but you threw it away for tacos

I’m going to flush patch out of my system like a detox diet, except last time i did that i binged” welp...i’m sure that’s not a sign…

Lmao V tries to take the clearance stickers off the clearance bras and puts them on the nice ones I LOVE HER SO MUCH

The hooded guy is watching her from outside…

But he’s gone before V sees him

V develops a diversion to get the hooded guy to follow her...but they can tell it’s actually a girl…

V gets hurt?!?!?!?!

CHAPTER 11

V is in the hospital with a BROKEN ARM THAT NEEDS SURGERY!!!!!

Patch is absent…

She goes to the new school psych...WHY ARE THERE SO MANY NEW PEOPLE COMING IN APRIL!!!!

She’s def also an angel

She brings up that nora is supposed to be tutoring patch and is like “all tutoring should be under adult supervision, and i don’t want you meeting alone” um...thank you for being reasonable because this dude is creepy but ALSO. Just...don’t have her tutor him…?

She goes to the computer lab in the library to look up reviews but then she’s like “i should google patch” but nothing

“No facebook, no myspace” OH MYSPACE!!!!!

She comes across a kinghorn prep article about a hanging, and finds out elliott was with the victim on the night of her death

Elliott is right behind her!!!!!

“Something cold flushed through me, like a blush, only opposite”

He’s like “Call your mom and tell her you’re taking too long at homework” and she’s like STRANGER DANGER

~~~

[avocado-frog]

"You spelled your name with an X here."

"No shit." Jaxon took the paper from Leo's hand. "That's how my name's spelled."

Leo snatched the paper out of his hands, wheeling around on her heel, pacing around the floor. "It is not how your name is spelled."

"Wait, wait, wait." Jaxon laughed, waving his hands in the air. He patted Leo on the shoulder. "How do you spell my name?"

"Fucking J-A-C-K-S-O-N. Like every other person on the fucking planet." Leo turned back around, hand loosely placed over her mouth. "No way I've been spelling your name wrong for two years."

"You have been." He stole the paper back, rolled it up like a magazine, and hit her over the head with it a few times. "You've been spelling my name wrong. For two years. Do I really look like a 'CKS' Jackson to you?"

"No! That's why I was confused!"

"Look me in the fucking eyes, and tell me that you, genuinely and with all of your heart, don't think I'm the kind of person to choose a funky spelling of the most basic name ever."

"Oh my god-"

"It's gonna be okay, Leo-"

"Oh my god, you would pick that name for yourself. With an X. You fucking nerd. I'm so pissed. I almost got killed by a J-A-X-O-N. God dammit. I hate you. I hate you vehemently."

"Wow." He put a hand over his heart, faking offense. "I can't believe you would say that to your best, closest, goodest, nicest, smartest-"

"Too far."

"-kindest... uh... funniest friend."

"First of all, you rank second place, since you pushed me off a building. Second, half of those were the same thing. Third, goodest is not a word, and I hate you for saying it to me.."

"I love you too." Jaxon smiled, and patted Leo on the shoulder again. "I don't think you should do a spelling bee anytime soon. Just change my name in your contacts, and we'll be on our way, and maybe I won't tell Lily. She'll never let you live this down, y'know."

"I know. I'm not changing your name in my phone." Leo was on her phone anyway, scrolling through, before showing him the screen. His contact name was Shithead Mcgee. He took the phone from her hand, and pretended to put it in his mouth.

"Don't eat my phone," Leo scolded, snatching it out of his hand. Her expression shifted into something indescribable. "I can't believe I just said that with a straight face to a sixteen-year-old."

"...So, you've never seen my name written out-"

"Oh, shut up." Leo pretended to sob into her hands. "Usually, if someone texts me and says guess who fell down a flight of stairs again, I can narrow it down to either you or Elliot."

"That's fair." Jaxon shrugged, and ran up to catch up with Leo. He hummed thoughtfully. "Ellie falls down the stairs a lot."

"I wholeheartedly believe Logan would literally install an elevator if we asked politely." Leo grabbed for his hand, pulling him forward. She pointed at their state's welcome sign on the side of the road. "Look, we're almost home. Few more hours?"

"...Few more hours." His chin rested against Leo's shoulder, eyes drifting shut, and snapping back open. Exhaustion hit like five trucks all at once. His feet dragged in the yellow, dead grass, right hand hanging onto Leo's sleeve. She stopped walking.

"...I can probably get enough internet or whatever in like, thirty minutes. Can call Logan, or Cass, or Kai if he's up here. See if someone can just come and get us."

"Please." Jaxon let himself collapse into the dirt. "I think I'm about to die, dude. Call Logan. He's least likely to have our heads on a stick for the whole, uh, we went missing for nearly three months and everyone thinks that we're dead stunt."

"Calling him." Leo shot him a warning glance. "My phone's about dead, so no fucking around. Don't just start to scream for no reason."

"Curses, you know my tricks," Jaxon deadpanned. The phone started to ring. There was a beat of silence. "...So how do you spell everyone else's names?"

"I can leave you here."

[youngbloodbuzz]

Tell me about your characters! Answer 10 of your favorite of those questions!

sagklsdjfsndf bro thank you! i love talking about my kids

23.  If your character could go back in time and change one thing about their life, what would it be?

venia: she would have run away from her normal life as the royal princess earlier after spending her entire life living in fear as a born fire sorcerer in a kingdom where using magic is punishable by death. instead now she’s on the run from being found out and having to fight her way out the palace. 

andromeda: she would run deeper into the underdark instead of risking the life of the man who died saving her and breaking the heart of his wife, who andy highly admires and respects

theodora: i don’t think she would. she isn’t a believer in fate or destiny but she knows that everything she’s done, she’d do all over again. though i think maybe she’d try to talk to her brother more about what they had been through to get where they are now, as migrants and refugees. 

33. What person does your character admire most?

venia: she had once admired her father as a child, but then she’d witnessed his reign of terror as she got older. then it was her mother, who she emulated to survive the court and life in general, but then her mother turned out to have known about ven’s magic the entire time and never said anything. and then her eldest cousin, the only person she ever willingly told about her magic as a young kid and encouraged it, comes rushing to save her at a moments notice and they escape the kingdom together, and... at this point ven’s trying not to keep her hopes up anymore. 

andromeda: without a doubt hands down it’s professor essaris, a wizard and headmaster/teacher of her own school and the wife of the man, maximus, who died helping to save andy in the underdark. andy wants more than anything to live up to the expectations of max dying for her to octavia but octavia has her own complex issues with andy since she’s the reason her husband is dead even as she’s been trying to help her through her amnesia. it’s....a Lot. 

theodora: it was once her older brother, jaxon. the one person who stood side by side with her in agreement of how to save the group and helped her do the dirty work. but it’s been months and months later now and one day she wakes to find him gone, leaving her a single letter telling her he can’t face what he’s done anymore and he’s off to find his own fortune somewhere far away. she burns the letter. 

36.  What would be your character’s theme song/favorite band/favorite genre of music?

venia: oh i have playlsits for all of them. she has a few but if i had to choose, ven’s theme song would be it’s a fire by portishead, but also instrumentally it’d be the winds of winter by ramin djawadi. maybe i was inspired by dany. what of it. 

andromeda: televangelist and conversation piece by julien baker; i cannot choose one, my poor girl is so depressed lmao. and dead before the dawn by ramin djawadi which genuinely helped me form the idea of how she saw the sunrise for the first time as an amnesiac when climbing out of the underdark after being trapped there for two years. 

theodora: angel by massive attack and caleb’s seduction by mark koven. her life is lowkey a horror movie. 

41. Does your character care about how they’re perceived by others? How do they change themselves to fit in with other people?

venia: as a born royal first in line to the throne, she sure does. it’s almost an inherent trait from her mother, where she learned to control her emotions, her expressions, how to speak in court. it’s second nature at this point. 

andromeda: being a six foot tall tiefling with grey-purplish skin, she makes an immediate impression but that’s not what worries her. she tries to come off as worldly and normal and not like a person who has amnesia and intelligence of 8 but it’s kind of hard when she assumes/lies in front of other people about knowing something when it’s actually wrong or not true. 

theodora: for the most part, she couldn’t a shit tbh. mostly she wears a mask of whatever she knows will appease others to get her way. 

51. Is your character the most swayed by ethos, pathos, or logos?

venia: i think at first it’d be ethos because of the way she was raised to respect arguments of such, but over time away from that kind of environment, it’d be in-between pathos and logos but mostly pathos. 

andromeda: pathos undoubtedly. she wears her heart on her sleeve, she’s ruled by it. probably to the detriment of her own health and safety. 

theodora: logos. it’s literally how she rationalized her way into saving herself and the group she was traveling with during a disastrous migration across uncharted territory in the winter (think donner party levels of disaster...)

54. How does your character feel about keeping secrets from the rest of the party?

venia: all day every day she keeps secrets. her entire life and existence is a secret. venia isn’t her real name. zen is in fact her cousin, not her brother. she’s terrified and paranoid, but on the surface she’s reserved sweet charm and smiles.  

andromeda: for someone who’s generally an open book, andy keeps many things to herself, but it’s all always to protect herself and her heart from the shame of the truth. her amnesia and low intelligence and her experiences at the essaris grammar school did a number on her self-esteem and self-worth.

theodora: she has no issues with it at all. she’ll do it for the sake of herself and the group if she believes if it’s for the right reasons. 

59. Does your character value their own best interest more than the party’s?

venia: at a certain point, yes. she grew up a privileged princess, and even though she has a good empathetic and diplomatic heart, she still has a lot to learn. and she’s just been thrust in a world that doesn’t care about her with zero warning or preparation so she’s going in cold turkey.

andromeda: oh andy....my dear sweet depressed andy. if it came down to staying safe or risking her life for someone, or even worse, a child, she would gladly lay down her life. no hesitations, no questions asked.

theodora: she’s alive for a reason and it’s because she made the hard choice, the only logical choice. she likes to think she did it to save the group, and her small family in particular who were a part of this venture, but really, she’d do anything for her own best interest. including cannibalism. no she doesn’t regret it.

73. If your character knew that they were going to die in a month, how would they spend the rest of their life?

venia: well. if she’s going to die, she’s going to die fighting in a blaze of righteous fury. she’ll find the fastest way home and find some way, any way, to convince her father to stop his tyranny. even if that means starting a revolution and dying a martyr. 

andromeda: god. it would be such a quiet resignation and acceptance. like she knows she’s cheated death. knows it in her very bones, knows she should have died and not maximus. she would go back to those that took care of her in her first few months back into the world and say her goodbyes, but in a way where an unsuspecting person wouldn’t realize it was happening. she’d spend as much time as possible with them, and exploring the city, spending time in the temple of pelor where she felt most at peace. she’d think about trying one last time to find her real family but would consider it a lost cause. and then on the second last day, she would pack her bag with her journal and her favourite books of history and poetry, and quietly walk into the wilderness never to be seen again.

theodora: like hell she’s dying. she’s an undying warlock, she’d sell her soul double time to her patron to prevent it from happening. if that won’t work, she’d look for some other entity. it’s not happening. she will literally do anything to prevent it. 

81. What does your character’s name represent to them? (Or: why as a player did you choose your character’s name?)

venia: ven’s name i specifically chose for an incredibly niche plot reason. venia means “forgiveness. consent, permission, approval,” and the etymology derives from the name venus, which as a goddess represents “prosperity,” and as a planet is also called the morning star and is one of the brightest objects in the sky. venus also represents lucifer, the light-bringer, a being who fell far from heaven. there is also a long held belief, a prophecy, in venia’s home kingdom for centuries that “the morning star will rise to bring the kingdom to ashes and bring forth a new world aflame.” a prophecy that’s driven the line of king’s mad with paranoia. and guess who was born as a phoenix sorcerer. 

andromeda: honestly? i just really liked the name lmao she’s a haunted one who was born under a dark star, i figured a good astrology name would be fitting. 

theodora: i also thought this was just a really good name but i mean, her full name is theodora cane which means gift of god and warlike respectively and when you put it together....i mean..... not too bad.  

85. What would be your character’s major in college?

venia: political science and law. 

andromeda: english and library sciences.

theodora: theo’s my newest so it’s tough to nail her down but i think she’d try for a medical degree but then drop out to become a private investigator 

[sarakuper]

Zion National Park, Utah (again!)

Stop #34, Nov 3-6

For our second time in Zion on this trip Sean and I had a truly unforgettable experience as we completed two bucket list hikes. If my only mother knew what I was doing, she would have killed me…. but don’t worry Ma! We did it all very safely and came back in one piece. 

We arrived Sunday afternoon at the same dispersed camping site we stayed at back in July when we visited the first time. This time we camped at a spot higher up with views overlooking another beautiful canyon.  We set up camp, cooked dinner, played Kaluche (yes, I won.. again!), and mapped out our next day. We talked about doing Angel’s Landing, a very popular and difficult hike, about 5.4 miles long, that challenges anyones fear of heights. This hike boasts incredible views of the Zion Canyon and the need to use chains to climb all the way to the top of Angel’s Landing. A large majority of the hike is your typical, but also gorgeous, steep hike with several switchbacks. The last quarter of a mile (sounds short, right?) is where you risk your life holding onto chains and climbing up a steep and narrow cliff. 1-2 feet off the “trail” in either direction and splat, you’re dead. Honestly, I had no idea what I was getting myself into. It’s such a popular trail, people are basically waiting in line to climb to Angel’s landing! On average one person per year dies on this hike, but thousands of people hike it each year. Possibly hundreds of thousands. While we were discussing the possibility of this hike, Sean was unsure he would do it. He doesn’t fear many things (or at least doesn’t show it), but his fear of heights is real.

Monday morning came and we started our accent. Several switchbacks later we reached Scouts Lookout which is a plateau just before the risky climb to Angel’s Landing. This area was super crowded, and Sean and I were thinking “Let’s climb to the top and then come back here for lunch”. Angel’s landing is literally 0.5 miles away, so I thought this would be quick and we’d be eating lunch in no time. I also thought the portion of the hike we did was pretty much as risky as it gets… maaaaaaan was I wrong. 

Here is where the chains just begin. It was so crowded in this area, but we are so close right? I thought it was just around the bend. We started using the chains and I turned back to Sean where he shook his head at me. He didn’t need to use words; I knew this meant he wasn’t coming. I nodded back and continued on thinking to myself “this will be quick!”. Well, I got around the bend passing a large majority of the crowds, and there it was.. the scariest view I’ve ever seen. Reality set in as I actually saw the treacherous 0.5 mile hike ahead to the top of Angel’s Landing. At this point I thought “I’m already here. I made it this far. I’m doing it.”. 

A few minutes into the climb I made friends with the people immediately ahead and behind me. Most of them also came with a parter that stayed back at Scout’s Lookout. We encouraged each other and thought out loud “holy shit this is so dangerous and sketchy”. I don’t have a particular fear of heights, but I couldn’t even look to the right or left of me. All I could do was look down at my feet and the immediate steps ahead. I was terrified. This is where I thought to myself… if my mother knew what I was doing…  

I wanted to turn back. I was actually thinking this hike is so freaking stupid because of how dangerous it is. How is it possible that its crowded with hundreds (and maybe thousands) of people doing it each day!? There was no turning back now. We scrambled up the entire way, using the chains to pull ourselves up and to hold onto for dear life. But I did it. I made it to the top. I was so shook, I barely took any photos. I sat down and stayed down feeling the comfort of the ground below me. After the first set of chains I had to put my camera in my backpack because I needed it out of the way during the climb. One of the girls I climbed with forced me to get up and take pictures, and so here they are. 

I was very anxious to get down and be reunited with Sean. This “short” climb took way longer than I expected and I had already been gone for an hour. So, with most of the same people I climbed up with, we began our decent back to Scouts Lookout. I thought the way down would be way worse for 2 reasons; 1- navigating around the uphill traffic. There was NO room for two way traffic, and the large amounts of people doing this made it extra dangerous. 2- going down you are looking directly at the cliffs beside you. You are looking at how you will fall and die if you misstep. So yeah, thinking about the downhill made me even more scared. But as it turns out, and I’m not sure why, the decent back was actually less scary than the way up. I made it back to Scouts Lookaut and found Sean, immediately running into his arms for a huge hug. I wasn’t sure if he was worried about me because I was gone for so long, but he gave me a huge smile and high five. He actually climbed up to a different viewpoint and was watching me climb up and down through his binoculars. He was very proud of me and also felt reaffirmed that he didn’t do it because of what he saw through the binoculars and because of what I shared about it. This might have been the craziest thing I’ve ever done and I will never do it again. But damn I DID IT!!

After the hike into the Grand Canyon my legs were absolutely fried. I was very excited that after completing Angel’s Landing my legs and body felt strong and were not aching in pain. I guess the South Kaibab hike to Skeleton’s point was a good warm up hike after all! 

That afternoon and evening we prepared for our next adventure, hiking to The Subway from the bottom up. We rented water shoes and socks from a local rental shop. A few days prior I inquired with the Wilderness department at Zion about a getting a permit to do this hike. It’s a non maintained trail in the backcountry that takes route finding, scrambling, and hiking through water to complete. I tried to get a permit for this hike back in July but was denied because they reached the maximum number of people to permit for that day. Looking back I’m so glad I was denied then; I was not a strong enough hiker to complete this challenge! Looking at the stats this hike is 9.1 miles and 1,500 feet in elevation gain. I’ve completed hikes with more challenging statistics, so I was confident that I could do it. But this hike is a lot more technical and complex than that. And no matter how much we read about it, I didn’t realize how challenging this hike actually was until we were there doing it. 

The trailhead was almost 1.5 hours away, and so we hit the road before 7am to get a decently early start. We started the hike on a normal path for about 0.5 miles before completing a very (and I mean VERY) steed downward climb to the river. Once we made it to the river we placed neon rope around the area as a marker so we knew where to get out of the river on the return. We didn’t see a “trail” at this point, so we hiked through the river upstream. As long as we follow the river we will make it to The Subway.

After about 30 minutes navigating around rocks and trying to not to slip, we realized we were moving very slowly. We needed to find the trail so we could get a move on. Sean found the “trail”, which came and went every few minutes. We crossed the river, climbed, and jumped over large rocks and boulders to make our way through. It felt very strenuous, and was taking much longer than a typical hike. This gave me a serious appreciation for maintained trails where all I needed to do was “follow”. But Sean was our guide that day, and when I wanted to turn around because it was too hard he gave me the tough love I needed to make it to the end. It was me who wanted to do The Subway so badly anyway! Well, after 4 hours (yes, it took 4 hours to go 4.5 miles!) we made it to The Subway. And WOW, this place was absolutely spectacular. I will let the photos speak for themselves.

We took enjoyed the scenery, took photos, ate lunch, and began our hike back in hopes to make it back for Jaxon before sunset. It turns out the hike back was a lot easier and went by much faster. Maybe that’s because we actually found the “trail” and did a lot less hiking through the river and scrambling compared to our way up. Oh, and did I mention there are dinosaur tracks right along this trial? Seriously! They are very hard to find, but with our AllTrails map we were able to spot them!

We made it back to the car around 4pm taking us a total of 7.5 hours to complete this hike. We were proud of ourselves as we left the trail feeling very accomplished! I could never have done this hike without Sean and am grateful for his ability to navigate us safely and push me  with tough love and encouragement when I needed it most.

What an incredible two days we just had. What an amazing 4 months its been.

We have another week of traveling in the trailer and visiting national parks before we begin preparing for the next chapter of our trip. Once we get to Denver on Nov 13(ish), this amazing part of our journey will come to an end.

I’m feeling very grateful for all the new places we’ve seen, experiences we’ve had, and for the time me, Sean, and Jaxon have spent together just us in the small quarters of our trailer thats become our home. It will be hard to say goodbye to our mobile home, but significantly harder to say goodbye to Jaxon. That is something we are really not looking forward to; my heart breaks just thinking about it.

Thanks for reading, love you all.

[skygemspeaks]

G: I really don't like Fian, the more I read his parts the more meh I get about him. (Somtimes he talks about keeping Jarra under control and I just don't like that? idk exaclty why but it rubs me wrong). I also really wish we had more archeolgy trolling the millitary, just that is always the best. Raven and the laser cutter is a highlight moment for me. Archelogists are the best and I love them all so much. What if Jarra had dug Jaxon out on the fringe once?

God, that’s a mood. I tried so hard to like him. It took me reading the entire series three times before I could admit to myself that I just didn’t like him. And as soon as I was able to say that, I realized just how much I loved the Raven/Jarra ship.

There are a lot of things about the way he acts that piss me off, but I think the ones that annoy me the worst are:

When he finds out Jarra’s handicapped, the literal first words out of his mouth are “What will my family say when they find out I’m twoing with an ape?” and I find that really telling. Like, there are hundreds of Military that are about to die, Jarra literally just told him she’d had a mental breakdown because her parents had just died, and that’s what he’s worried about?

At the beginning of Earth Flight, the newzies break the news that Jarra’s going to join the Tell Clan, and Jarra mentions that Fian should tell his parents. And we find out that Fian’s been putting off telling his parents for weeks, as if he’s ashamed of the fact his girlfriend is Betan??? He’s really obvious all throughout Earth Star about how much he dislikes the fact that she’s Betan.

In Earth Flight, when Jarra shows up at Zulu base after nearly being killed by a maniac with planet first weapons, and she’s tired and her uniform is singed and she’s still starving because she hasn’t eaten in a day, and the first words out of Fian’s mouth are him berating her because “we’ve been worrying about you so much and you’ve been sightseeing?” and i’m like...bitch, can you not SEE the state she’s in???? maybe try asking her first what happened to make her late. she’s been looking forward to this presentation ceremony for weeks now, waiting for the moment she’d finally have a family. do you honestly think she’d voluntarily be late showing up to it????

Okay sorry, rant over. I just get really heated over this. But anyways yeah, the archeologists are amazing and I seriously love them. Any time Rono is there, you know things are gonna be entertaining lmao. I loved everyone’s conversations with each other during the Carrington Event in the first book. The jokes were hilarious, and it was interesting seeing Dig Site Command being so casual.

One of my favourite parts was when Dig Site Command asks if there are any other foundation courses stuck at the dig site aside from Achilles 1, and Rono calls in like “This is Cassandra 2″ and before he can even say anything Dig Site Command cuts him off like “You can’t fool me Rono, we know full well you aren’t a Foundation course.”

I love that all the archeologists are like a super tight-knit family! Off-world archeologists are, like, basically the only norms that are completely unfazed by the Handicapped and look at them as normal humans. I love how absolutely furious the Eden Dig Site teams were in Earth Star when that bigoted scientist insulted Jarra on live television. 

And as for Jarra digging out Jaxon on a dig site, I feel like it would be an interesting thought.

I know military training teams work on the fringe dig sites occasionally, but I feel like Jarra would have been too young to have been tag-leading for one of Jaxon’s teams since there’s such a big age difference between them, but I can see her maybe being there with her school history club and watching from the sidelines. They wouldn’t have seen each other’s faces because they’d both be in impact suits, and Jarra wouldn’t recognize Jaxon’s name because she doesn’t know she has a brother at that point. But just the thought of it happening is really compelling, the fact that they could have been so close, and still were unable to meet. 

Just imagine if Jaxon, after being dug out, is relatively uninjured and is looking around at the team that had saved him, and he sees a really tiny figure in an impact suit standing on the clearway, and he’s surprised. They can’t be more than 10 or 11. Then he looks down at the name that’s displayed on the front of the suit, and it says “Jarra” and he stops breathing. He knows that hospital Earth uses the same database as the Military does to name their wards, so logically it’s far more likely for this to be someone completely different, but this little Jarra is the same age as his baby sister, and it tears at the scab on his heart, because he’s had years now to regret his selfishness, and he wishes desperately that she really was his Jarra, so he could tell her just how loved she is, so he could tell her how many people miss her.

[percontaion-points]

Covet chapters 160 & 161, Epilogue, & Bonus Chapters

Click to see the rest of the snark & image descriptions

Chapter 160

As the last one falls away, the beast throws back his head and bellows like his life depends on it. The roar bounces off the rocky walls and ceilings, echoing throughout the cavern for several seconds. 

And then he shifts, and a man is standing in front of me dressed in a royal-blue tunic, gold leggings with laces, and a gold and royal blue cloak tied over one shoulder and fastened with a large sapphire broach. 

He’s tall, with smoke-gray eyes and blond hair fastened into a braid. He’s also got a short, pointed goatee and seems to be in his late thirties. I shift back but don’t try to approach him. “Are you all right?” I ask this man who has suffered so much and who, in his own way, has helped me through so many of my own troubles. 

He looks at me like he doesn’t understand what I’m saying, but eventually it must sink in because he nods. “Th-th-thank you,” he finally manages to say. 

Do you guys remember when I was reading the series about the dragon people? And they found the iron dragon who had been held captive for decades? So long that he literally forgot how to transform back into a human, and speech was difficult for him. 

Yeah. I can’t help but think that the second this guy was freed, he transforms back easily, and also remembers basic human communication. 

Now I really do rear back in shock, because who is her? And why does she need to be protected if she’s already got the Crown?

Chapter 160 summary: Grace goes in and uses the key to free the beast. (He is never given a name, so I will continue to call him Beast.) As I mentioned, he transforms back to a human easily, and can communicate in passable English, despite his ancient-looking clothing. 

Macy brings forward some snacks she always has with her, but Beast is wary of anybody. Grace opens some water and drinks some, and eats a cookie to show that it’s okay. 

She then asks about the crown. He says “no crown” over and over. Everybody silently goes “What do we do now?” Beast then says “Her crown. Must have her protect crown.”

Chapter 161

I hold my hand up for my friends to see, and as they all crowd around, I can’t help asking, “Now what?”

Chapter 161 summary: Grace promises that they’ll protect whoever this “she” is that Beast is talking about. Hudson warns about making blanket promises, because what if it’s like his shitty mom or somebody? Beast goes on and says “Give mate crown”. This fills Grace with hope that there’s another gargoyle out there. This makes Grace agree to help his mate out. 

Beast then grabs Grace’s hand, but then pulls away and walks towards the entrance to the cave. The others want to go after him, but Grace says that there’s not really a lot of places he can go that they couldn’t follow after. But she looks down at her hand and realizes that Beast had put the crown into the palm of her hand (like the flowers had been). 

Chapter 0

I think it’s time I tell her about her emerald-green string.

Chapter 0 summary: For some unholy reason, we get a final chapter, but in Hudson’s POV. This is never explained, nor do I know why any of it is necessary, but here we are. 

As Macy opens up the portal to go back to the school, Hudson looks at Grace and wonders if his love for her is enough to overcome her lingering feelings for Jaxon. The feelings he knows came bubbling to the surface when she watched Jaxon die. (Which he doesn’t blame her for, and wishes it had been him instead.) Grace turns and tells Hudson that she loves him; he returns the sentiment. 

They go through the portal, only to realize that the forest around the school grounds is literally on fire. Everybody runs inside, only to find that the interior of the school has been completely and utterly trashed, and everybody is gone. 

They find the school’s healer, Marise, in the infirmary, and she tells them that Cyrus did this. They now think that the battle on the gargoyle island was nothing but a distraction, and think that this means war. Well, more war, since Cyrus attacking them on the island was the first declaration of war. 

However, they naturally think that Cyrus’s goons killed everybody, and that the 11 of them are literally the only ones who will be able to stand up against Cyrus. (Completely ignoring the fact that there’s no mention of bodies. The narration only said that everybody was “gone”. Besides, why would Cyrus kill those who were on his side?)

Beast says “She can save us”, while pointing to Grace’s hand. He then transforms back into stone, leaving the others to wonder what the hell he was talking about. 

Bonus chapter 1

Grace looks so knackered when we get back to Katmere from visiting the Crone that I want to wrap my arms around her and carry her to my room, but I have no idea if she’ll let me or not.

LITERALLY NOBODY ASKED FOR THIS. 

And I’m still not okay. More, I’m pretty sure I never will be again.

Bonus chapter 1 summary: We have the scene right after everybody came back from visiting the crone. Hudson and Grace are joking and flirting, and everything is kind of the same as it was in the original, only with Hudson oozing love for her. 

Then Jaxon attacks, and things are again, way too similar for me to say much about it. But when Grace calms Jaxon down and he admits that his soul is fractured from the breaking of their bond, Hudson’s heart starts to break. 

He slips away and goes to his room. Grace sends him a bunch of texts in a row, but he only answers the last one to tell her goodnight. And then he mopes around. 

Bonus chapter 2

And as we take off fading back up Denali, I can’t help thinking that sometimes you get lucky. Sometimes the family you’re born with and the family you make coincide. And that makes all the difference. 

Bonus chapter 2 summary: Unlike the previous bonus chapter, this one is a scene that wasn’t included. Because Grace wasn’t there. Hudson goes to his brother in the middle of the night, and asks to go for a run. As Jaxon puts his running gear on, Hudson looks around the room. He finds a wooden toy horse that he’d made for his brother. Looking at the thing brings back all of the good times he’d had with his brother… and all the things his shitty dad had done to torture both of them. 

They run, but Jaxon doesn’t seem interested in talking. Hudson tries to talk about Grace, but Jaxon is quick to shut him down. Finally, Jaxon says that the two of them aren’t close, and never have been. Hudson brings up the horse, but Jaxon had forgotten who had given it to him before he was forced to go live with the Bloodletter. This brings back some memories previously buried, and he apologizes for having killed Hudson. They crack up over that, and ask if Hallmark has cards for that.