#and like Miki is ALL about space

[dubioushonour]

just curious, but do you have any other vocaloids you would assign to the proseka groups? besides the ones in your twewy au?

Ok so genuinely I actually have like, an ENTIRE separate AU basically almost entirely dedicated to being like "if we weren't restricted to Crypton Vocaloid Vocal Synths, who would go where?"

So yes, to answer your question:

MMJ - GUMI, Nekomura Iroha, Tone Rion, Kokone, Haruno Sora, Sonika, and SeeU

L/N - sf-a2 Miki, Kiyoteru, Maki, Yuki, CUL, Macne Nana and Rana

N25 - Flower, VY1, MAYU, Meika Hime and Mikoto, Utane Piko, Mew

WxS - Otomachi Una, Fukase, Oliver, Prima, Aoki Lapis, Galaco, Avanna, Akikoloid

VBS - VY2, Gakupo, Yuzuki Yukari, Ruby, Lily, Dex and Daina

[autistic-shaiapouf]

Alright so.

Miku playlist that's all techno shit

General vocaloid playlist that's all techno shit

Pouf playlist that's just entirely made of miku songs

Vintage vocaloid required listening playlist

Iconic vocaloid songs required listening playlist

[prettyboykatsuki]

ANOTHER WORD FOR HOMESICK (I WANT TO SAY YOUR NAME AGAIN) | M. BACHIRA

☼ tags ; omegaverse, afab + fem!omega!!reader, alpha!bachira, childhood friends to lovers, established reader backstory, coming-of-age, romance, mutual pining, implicit sexual content (virginity loss to an oc), explicit sexual content ft. bonding, knotting, penetration, oral (f!recieving), fingering, praise, lovey dovey dirty talk, petnames (mostly baby) 18+

++ notes: readers appearance is mostly non-descript but they are shorter than bachira and have several piercings and a tattoo which are explained in story.

☼ content warnings ; lore applicable sexism, sexual harassment of reader as a minor (details in authors note, explained further in extended authors note), lore applicable homophobia, implied bisexuality + referenced mutual queerness queerness, underage drinking, heat / estrus as a symptom of puberty

please thoroughly read content warnings and tags before clicking read more.

☼ ao3 link | extended authors note | fics for gaza

THIS IS PART TWO. CLICK HERE TO HERE PART ONE.

☼ wc ; 16.8k / 33.2k

☼ a/n ; sorry for the incredibly long wait. as always i got extremely carried away. but cheers for fujoneet reader coming after this! written as part of the @ficsforgaza intiative

☼ synopsis ; you spend the next four years of your life pining miserably and trying to get over your first love. it all comes crashing during the year you turned twenty-one, fresh out of a break-up and forced to reconcile with your estranged childhood friend.

PART TWO: LIGHT MY WAY BACK HOME.

Freshman orientation seems less like an orientation and more like a social gathering.  

You’re not really sure why you didn’t think of that. This one is being held by seniors in your department, so you figured they’d talk to you about things like majors or clubs or general campus life.  

The presence of alcohol and cigarettes after only thirty minutes is what alerts you of your doom. You’re screwed.  

For many reasons and in many ways.  

For starters, you’re all the way out in Hokkaido, which is a 19 hour trip from your hometown. You don’t know anyone at school except that one alpha you keep bumping into, and more importantly - you wouldn’t know of any good ways to excuse yourself to leave. You don’t even know where to go if you did.   

Secondly, you’re really not interested in drinking again. At least, not for now. The memory of Bachira is strangely fresh despite it being over a year since, and you’re afraid a drop of alcohol is going to make you spiral out and humiliate yourself in front of your peers.  

Third, most of the people here seem at least somewhat acquainted with each other. From the introductions at the start, there’s only one other freshman here and he’s already friends with a bunch of people. On top of that, he’s the rowdy alpha type you have a hard time with so you’re not sure what you’re supposed to do other thank stick to the wall and hope for the best.  

You text Miki-chan as you sit in the corner. Were you always this poor at socializing?  

After a few minutes, someone comes and plops themselves next to you. You’re mildly startled by her presence, jumping in your skin. She smells sweet,  a mix of overripe mango and something floral. You startle as she crowds in your space, eyes widening.  

“You’re the new freshie, right?”  

You blink at her then nod. She’s extremely pretty and not entirely Japanese which is common for this campus. “Uh, yes. Nice to meet you…”  

“Hira,” She says easily  

“Nice to meet you, Hira-senpai.” You bow.  

“Oh, how formal! Sure, call me that if you want.” She moves in even closer. You feel your heartbeat skyrocket and feel thankful you’re wearing a scent patch. “You looked a little lonesome in the corner, so I thought I’d come save you. First party like this?”  

You’re surprised. “Is it obvious?”  

“Mm, not really. But I can tell at least. I’m good at reading people. And I was interested in you,” 

You stare at her as she leans against the wall. Long lashes, dyed hair, full lips and a scent so intoxicating you could drown. You feel flush just looking at her, attracted to her undeniably. The look she’s giving you is making you a little delirious.  

Your eyes go wide. “Sorry?”  

She beams but doesn’t repeat herself. “Are you a beta?”  

“An omega,”  

You feel her nose brush against your covered scent glands and feel a jolt up your spine. “Oh, you are. You smell good.” 

You blink slowly, hesitating. “Thanks.” 

“Which way do you swing, then?”  

Is she… hitting on you? Then again, she could just be the touchy type like Bachira.  

“I prefer omegas. I’ve never dated an alpha seriously.” But I was in love with at least one.  

Her eyes light up. “So you swing both ways, or at least you like omegas. Good. My radars rarely wrong. Ever been in a relationship with anyone?”  

“Just for a few months in highschool.” You admit.  

“Right. Got any experience then?”  

She’s…  

“Uh, not really no. Kissed and stuff but that’s about it.”  

“Eighteen, no experience, and into other omegas…that tracks. You’re not having much fun at this party, either. So, how about…” You feel her hand on your thigh and nearly choke on air. “We change all of that in one go?”  

You feel a little guilty. You’re not sure what you should be doing. You never really thought about losing your virginity when you were in school for obvious reasons, and thought of it even less so when you were with Bachira. It’s not like it’s of incredible importance to you. Is it something you should let go of easily? Does it matter?  

On the other hand, are you ever going to have a beautiful omega girl older than you offer to take your virginity and it not be an illusion? You’re not really sure if it’s possible. And you’re a lot of things, but you’re not a eunuch. Some part of you hopes it’ll get your mind off of Bachira.  

“I really don’t know what I’m doing, just as uh. As a prerequisite.” You say stiffly.  

“Are you a quick learner?”  

Your breath hitches. “Yeah,”  

“Then you’ll be just fine! Sooo… wanna get out of here?”  

Shit. “Uh, y-yeah.”  

“Great!”  

She grabs your hand, hauling you up and dragging you along with her. Some of the seniors in your department shoot you a look like they’re impressed and you’re not sure if you should be mortified or flattered. “Taking the freshie with me.”She turns to someone who’s name you don’t remember. “Don’t wait up! And don’t come home either.”  

Said friend sighs. On the way out, you hear them ask around about sleeping over and feel a little guilty.  

__  

She tells you about herself on the way to her place. A short walk from campus, you spend most of it wondering if you’re in some kind of dream. Hira-senpai is mixed but she’s grown up in Sapporo for most of her life.  

Half-north indian and half-japanese. Tan skin, brown eyes, and long hair - something about her looks straight out of a dream. She holds your hand on the way to her apartment and talks to you so casually it makes you feel like friends. She’s good at conversation in a way that’s familiar to you, reminds you a lot of Bachira no matter how much you hate making the comparison.  

Most of all, she’s an incredibly attractive distraction. She’s just a touch taller than you but she’s got long legs and nice assets, with curves in all the right places. She’s toned too. She dresses nice and smells so good. Has all the flair of an omega that makes your heart race.  

Once you get up to her apartment, she wastes no time in getting you into her bedroom.  

Kissing someone with the intention of having sex is different than whatever you were doing in highschool. Hira is well practiced in how she touches you, strips you naked, admires you. 

She’s aggressive with you but you don’t mind. You end up in her bed faster than you thought you’d be. She kisses with with tongue, teeth nipping at your lips and neck as she whispers to you all sorts of things about likes and dislikes. You learn how to use your mouth and how hard to suck, and smooth your tongue along her scent glands in the ways to turn her on.  

You find you don’t mind touching her. You like making her feel good. She gets wet for you and talks to you sweet. Intoxicating, you let her play with you as she pleases without words of complaint. You make her cum once, then again because you like how she grips onto your hair. Her praise is nice when you make her cum. It feels good when she returns the favor even though you feel embarrassed the entire time.  

You fuck until sunrise and sleep in her bed. When morning comes, you find her wrapped around your with your body covered in unfamiliar nips of teeth. She tells you to stay for breakfast.  

You feel like you walked the stairwell to adulthood a little too quickly. But it’s the longest you spent not thinking about the past 

So you stay with her. You sit up and open your phone.  

(sent 9:34am) just lost my virginty to my omega senpai. uni is weird  

9:35am: You have 24 new notifications.  

__ 

[ NINETEEN ] 

“Do you wanna become club manager?”  

You shoot a surprised glance at Satou-kun, one of your only alpha friends on campus and captain of your university soccer team. You’re currently in the club room, reviewing footage of their opposing team before they start training for the inter-collegiate tournaments.  

This is a favor you’re doing for Satou-kun as a part of him helping you find board and housing all the way out here. Your current university had been your last choice despite being incredibly prestigious as a result of extra-curricular and exceptionally good marks for years of highschool.  

 You were supposed to be staying in a dorm room but there was some trouble in the office and no space left in the omega-beta dorms for you to stay at.  

You met Satou-kun crying outside of the 7/11 near your campus, dropped down to your knees in pre-heat distress. Satou is from the countryside. A big, lumbering 6’4 alpha who apparently can’t leave people alone in times of need, especially not crying omegas. He bought you a meal and helped you find room and board temporarily before later finding you an apartment near campus.  

In short, you owe him a lot. Insistent on paying him back, you’ve spent a lot of time helping out their soccer team doing this and that. Once, off-handedly during their practice, you’d helped one of their other team mates out with their dribbling and have since then become a psuedo-member.  

You don’t really have any interest in soccer. Or at least, you didn’t for the first eighteen years of your life. Maybe it’s because you’re so far from home, but there’s something about seeing them play that feels familiar and fulfills an old itch.  

Still, you’re not really expecting the offer. You’ve only known Satou-kun for a few months and you’ve known his team for even less.  

“Uh. I’ve never been a sports team manager, so I don’t know if I’d be any good.”  

“Seriously?” He sits next to you in a chair backwards, pushing his hair back with his hand. “You know a lot about soccer though?”  

You swallow. “A friend—sorry, an old friend of mine plays. My nii-san did too but that was way back. I’ve just been around it a lot.” 

He gives you a long look, brushing past the very obvious shake in your voice. You like that part of him, you think. “I think it’s fine. The team likes you. You’re meticulous and do well under pressure.” He takes a drink from his water bottle. “Plus I think the guys would be more motivated with a pretty omega manager. At least they’d wanna impress you.”  

You blink. He says it so neutrally you almost don’t catch it.  

“Thanks?”  

“Don’t worry about it. It’s just an observation,” Satou says, shaking his head. “I think you’d be an asset to the team. There’s no one else who can mediate with coach like you can.”  

Your lips twitch in the ghost of a smile. “That’s true,”  

Your thoughts end up at Bachira as you consider the offer. Lips furled into a frown, something heavy weighs on your heart. You’ve gotten better at not letting him consume your every waking thought. Being busy has helped. But soccer is the one thing that reminds you of Bachira most. You’re not really opposed to being manager. You just don’t know if it’ll be too much. You’re not enough of a masochistic to say yes without hesitation. The painful, constant reminder of him through being manager just feels overwhelming.  

You haven’t seen him in nearly two years, except on T.V. or in the news, doing exactly what you thought he would. You’ve put so much effort into getting over him but it feels like you’ve hardly made progress.  

You sigh.  

“Can I give you my answer later? After I consider it more?”  

“Sure. If it isn’t too invasive though,” He leans into looking closer. “Can I ask what’s making you hesitate? I’d guess it’s that childhood friend but,”  

You blink in surprise. “Yeah. That obvious?”  

He shakes his head. “Got a nose like a hound, granny always said. Could feel the change even with the strong patches and inhibitors.”  

“Ah,” You look down at your lap. “My friend and I had a pretty bad falling out. Think it was two years ago now, but I’m just worried it’ll bring up bad memories.”  

“You cared about him a lot, huh?”  

You aren’t sure what brings you to say it out loud. “I was in love with him. Basically my whole life.”  

It’s the first time you’ve ever said it to anyone. It doesn’t feel as horrible as you expected.  

“Was he an omega?”  

You give him a humorless smile, shaking your head. “An alpha.”  

He blinks in realization before nodding.  

“Must’ve been someone special then,” Satou scratches the back of his neck. “I can’t tell you I understand it but you know. Maybe being our manager can help give you some better memories than what you left with. With time.”  

“I know it probably sounds ridiculous. Two years is a long time.” You reply back. 

“Huh? Hardly.” Satou looks at you directly when he speaks. “Don’t force yourself to get over it. I know you’re the worrying type, but sometimes it’s fine to just let things go as they are.You have to keep living your life right?”  

“Right,”  

“So don’t think of it in negative terms like getting over it. Do it if it’s something you might want to do. If it gets too much I’ll support you as captain or let you leave. You can make new memories here. It’s an opportunity, that’s all”  

You give Satou-kun a small smile. “Satou-kun…you’re a good guy. You’ll find a good wife.”  

“You sound like granny,” He says. “If you’re ever interested in becoming farmers wife in the country side, you’re always welcome to take the position up.”  

“Are you joking?”  

“No.” He says, standing up. His tone is unreadable. “You’d be good at it. You’re strong with good attention to detail so I think the work would be easy for you. Plus you’re after a quiet life, aren’t you?”  

“This is a bad proposal,” You deadpan, shaking your head. “And most omegas would be pissed if you told them they look good to work on a farm.”  

“It’s a compliment.”  

“This is why you’re not popular.” You retort with a small chuckle. “If I ever decide to marry an alpha and give up on everything, I’ll find you. For now, I’ll have to decline the proposal. But I’ll accept becoming manager.”  

Satou-kun claps your shoulder. “Eh. I’ll take it,” Your eyes meet. “If you change your mind on either thing, just let me know.”  

“Of course. Thanks, captain.”  

“Anytime.”  

__ 

“Are you sure you want this?”  

Hira-senpais roomate, Shinohara, busies himself with sterilizing needles. You glance at yourself in the mirror in their bathroom, red-rimmed eyes making you feel pathetic. You really want something to do.  

Drink, smoke, something. But you’re not trying to start on using substances when thinking of Bachira since you’re sure it’ll kill you. You just need the distraction. The game is still playing in the background in the other room, so when you hear the channel change and feel thankful to whoever shifted it.  

You rub your eyes with the end of your hand, voice hoarse. “Yeah. And I’m gonna get a tattoo.”  

“You’re still this hung up on that kid? Whatever his name was,” He snaps his fingers. “Bee boy.”  

You huff. “Yeah.”  

“Have you tried dating other people?” He suggests.  

Shinohara pours rubbing alcohol onto something before wiping your ear with it on both sides. It’s cold and makes you shiver. “No. Never been interested,”  

“Don’t you think it’s about time you get interested?” He uses a marker next, placing a dot carefully before assessing it. He repeats the process on the other side. “I mean, if just seeing him on T.V. is enough to do this to you after all this time… You barely react to anything, like a damn stone statue. Yet, here you are.”  

“It’s not just that,” You sniffle again. Shinohara-kun gives you a disbelieving look in the mirror, shaking his head. It’s not just the fact you saw Bachira, but that you keep seeing him exceed your expectations. In news magazines, in articles, in ads for sports drinks. What broke you was seeing him on the news after seeing him earlier in a magazine for the greatest talents to come out of Bluelock, with speculation in his potential to become the greatest striker alive.  

You’ve done a good job not thinking about him. You even got used to the press when you went to your hometown and saw him plastered on posters. But it dawns on you he’s still living his dreams and he’s not even twenty yet.  

And you play no part in them. You bite your lip trying not to cry.  

“I’m not piercing you if you keep shaking,” Shinohara says with no real bite. A gloved hand wipes your tear. “So toughen up, brat.”  

“Stop calling me that. You’re only a few years older than me,”  

“Stop acting like one and I’ll consider. Now take a deep breath. It’s gonna hurt pretty bad, alright? If you jolt I’m gonna kill you.”  

“Stop worrying about me.” You sniff, wiping your nose. “I’m fine”  

He rolls his eyes. “Then count to three and take a deep breath.”  

__  

[ TWENTY ] 

“I’m home!”  

Your face is cold from the winter air as you step inside. You shake off the snow from your body as you wipe your face, exhaustion settling in from the long travel. It’s not your first winter break home but even after two years you can’t get used to the distance  

You leave your bag and luggage at the door as you strip out of your jacket, hanging it on a nearby hook. You sigh in relief, mind drifting off to thoughts of sitting in the kotatsu and warming up while you let your brain rot from television. You only have so many days break before you have to travel back to Sapporo. You glance at the shoe rack and notice a single pair of loafers. Your parents are probably grocery shopping. You always have hotpot the day before New Years.  

There’s only one other person that leaves. You raise your voice louder as you call out again.  

“Nii-san, I’m home.”  

“In the living room,”  

You stretch your arms over your head, sweater sliding over your stomach as you walk into the living room to see him spread over the couch watching something on the T.V. Looks like some kind of comedy variety show.  

“Hey,”  

You make a noncommittal noise, beelining to the kotatsu in the center of the room, sliding yourself underneath with a long sigh. Nii-san laughs behind you.  

“Still snowing?” 

“Got worse in the last hour,” You prop your elbows on the table, laying on your arms with a loud yawn. “My bags wet so I left it in front of the door.”  

He hums as the two of you continue to watch T.V. in comfortable silence. You feel his gaze on your back for a while before turning around slightly to look at him. “What are you looking at?”  

“Did you get your ears pierced?”  

You blink. “Yeah. My helix and upper lobe on both sides.”  

He stares at you for a long while after you tell him, leaving you confused. It’s rare you see your brother these days. He’s twenty-nine this year. He’s scruffy, face prickly with hair and hair grown out longer than normal. Eyes squinted, you feel his hand pull at the collar of your sweater before peering down at your back.  

“When did you get a tattoo?” 

Surprised, you pull away from his grasp frowning. “Same time I got my piercings.”  

“What for?” 

“I just wanted to get them,” You say, fidgeting with your. 

“Well, it’s fine.” He says after a while, voice softened. His hand comes up to your head, patting it like you’re a kid again. You squirm away from the touch and sudden affection. You don’t know if you’ll ever properly figure out what’s on his mind. “You’re such a goody two-shoes kid a little rebellion won’t hurt. Kaa-san’s gonna freak over the tattoo though.”  

“I won’t be here long enough for her to find out I don’t think. And even if she does, it’s not like I can get it removed now. It’s usually covered up enough that no one noticed.”  

“I saw it cause of the way you were sitting, so don’t worry about it.” He says, patting your shoulder. “What’s the tattoo of?” 

You frown, turning away with a flush. “…A bumble bee on a kuroyuri flower.”  

“A bee huh? Should kill that stupid brat.”  

“Nii-san!” You shake your head. “I already told you the fight was my fault. Don’t use it as a reason for your grudge, okay?”  

He sighs, shaking his head. “You’re twenty right?”  

You nod. Nii-san grabs a beer from the plastic bag besides him, cracking the top open before handing it to you with a long look. “Here,”  

You take the beer from his hand and take a drink from the top, malt hitting your lips and warming you up from the inside. “…Thanks.”  

“If you’re gonna go out of your way to defend him even now, just text him and make up already,”He says, shaking his head. “The piercings, the tattoo… all that was to get over him, huh?”  

You feel embarrassed. Was it that obvious you were hung up on Bachira this way? He always had a weird sixth sense about things, so maybe not. “It doesn’t matter.”  

He sighs. “It does matter. If you care this much, there’s no way it doesn’t. Don’t be obstinate and figure things out with him.”  

“Even if I could do that,” Which I can’t, ever. “He’s rarely home anyways, and I don’t want to have that conversation on the phone. Plus, he’s probably forgotten all about it.”  

“You’re a smart kid but sometimes you’re so oblivious it makes me feel bad. Was it because you’re sheltered? You have no common sense.”  

“Hey!”  

“I know you’re just being careful but there’s no need to this extent. You two were attached at the hip for almost two decades. There’s no way he’d forget even if he’s a famous soccer player right now. Just make up with him.” He says, then sighs before giving you a serious look. “But seriously don’t marry him. I’ll kill you both.”  

“I told you he likes alphas.”   

“And you like him, despite liking omegas, right?”  

You make a noise of indignance “That’s different,”  

“It’s not. I don’t care about him but don’t be a coward. You’re a lot tougher than that as is and it doesn’t suit you at all.”  

You turn your eyes to the T.V. pretending to watch it while deep in thought.  

You don’t know. It’s been three years since you and Bachira stopped being friends but the wound doesn’t feel any more healed than it did last time. There are longer stretches of time in between that you can without feeling like the world is collapsing underneath you, but you’re not over it despite your best efforts. Maybe it’s true you haven’t truly tried hard enogh. Your last conversation was messy at best, a rushed outro to a life long friendship without any real closure.  

But you don’t think you’re owed closure. What’s more, you don’t even know what you’d say. There’s both so much and so little you want to tell him.  

I’m proud of you. I’m sorry. Who takes care of you now that I’m gone? Do you miss me as much as I miss you? 

But how do you have that conversation? You’ve never been good at being upfront with your feelings. You keep to yourself, keep your head down, and get lucky to be around people who do it for you.  

Even if you were to get closure now, could you handle it? You were never under the impression Bachira could love you, but at least now you can be open about it. At least now, you can tell people when they ask you about love and confess it like some sort of sin. The first time you told Satou-kun that truth, it felt like a weight had finally been unburdened. To become friends again now would mean you bear that silence of that again while you try to fall out of love, or you confess to it him and make things hard on you both.  

You don’t want either outcome. You just want Bachira to be your friend. And you want things to be easy. You’re not seventeen anymore.  You have school, work, clubs - things that you still need to be present for.  

You can’t handle the heartbreak of that loss twice. It’d kill you.  

Maybe, someday, when you’re really over it - you’ll reach out to Bachira as friends. Another two years so it’s been at least five, and you’re closer to graduation than you are to highschool.  

For now though, the idea of seeing Bachira again is painful at best and stupid at worst.  

“I need more time,” You reply after a while. “To get over it more. I don’t want to meet him when I’m still this… emotional about it.”  

Nii-san sighs, over you. “Fine. If you say so. Drink your little heart out over it but when the time comes, dont’ miss your chance alright? Promise me.”  

“I thought you didn’t like him.” 

“You little—just promise.”  

“Fine, fine,” You fall forward again on your kotatsu - waving a dismissive hand. “Promise.”  

__  

“I can’t believe my favorite heat partner went and got a boyfriend on me,” 

Hira-senpai slides herself across from you in the booth in front of you. You glance up from your laptop just barely too greet her as Shinohara joins the both of you. Shaking your head, you take stock of your surroundings quickly. The cafeteria at the bottom floor of the  mathematics building is still just as empty as it was when you came in.  

“Where did you two just back from?”  

“A seminar thing for senior capstone.” Shinohara answers. You make a short ahhh sound before continuing on with your typing.  

“Don’t just ignore me, both of you!” Hira insists. Your lips quirk up at the corners.  

“Stop announcing that we have sex so loudly and I’ll consider it.”  

“Fine, fine. I just can’t believe you got confessed too and you said yes! And you only told me through text!!”  

“What was I supposed to do? You weren’t even on campus so I couldn’t tell you in person.”  

She pouts, dipping a fry into ketchup as she props her elbows up on the table.  

“Whatever. I want details!”  

“It was that huge omega guy on the soccer team, right? What was his name again…?”  

You furrow your brow. “How do you know that?”  

“I know everything.” He says seriously. You roll your eyes.  

“Yeah it was. Takahashi-kun. He confessed to me as soon as I got back from visiting home over winter break in the club room. Gave me flowers and everything.”  

“Flowers? What a serious guy. Are all the soccer club guys like that?”  

You grimace. “I think all soccer players are predispositioned to have something just a little wrong with them. Him being chivalrous is fine, all things considered.” 

“Hm. True.”  

“Sooo, did you just say yes right away? That’s super unlike you!” 

“Huh? No, of course not. I told him upfront that I’m still getting over someone so I don’t know if it’s a good idea,” You say, typing away at your computer. “But he said he didn’t care and wanted to date me anyways.”  

“What a weird guy.” Shinohara hums thoughtfully.  

“He’s that into you?!”  

You nod. “I guess so. I asked why it had to be me and he said something I didn’t catch. Just that he thought I’d be a good partner and accept an omega like him. Which I guess is true.”  

Shinohara chuckles. “You sound so enthused.”  

You shrug. “It’s not like I lied. He’s a good guy, I know that. And I mean. Not like I have anything to lose. You guys are the ones telling me to try and move on.”  

They both say “True,” at the same time, making you shake your head.  

“So you’re gonna date him seriously?”  

“I’m gonna try,” You reply with a long sigh. “I really just want to move on.”  

__ 

You date Takahashi-kun for a year.  

It’s a good year, and a good relationship.  

He’s good to you in all ways that matter. He still believes in old timey traditional of courting and courts you like an omega might an alpha despite you not being one. Brings you food he’s made and other handmade ornaments. He’s taller than most omega men. A little over six feet and muscular with a sharp jaw but the roundest, brownest eyes you’ve ever seen. 

Often, he asks you if you’re fine with him. Comes into your arms and weeps into your neck, scent sweet like fresh cream as he apologizes for not being cute. Takahashi is more omega than you are. Shows submission and pleasure in the textbook ways you see only in books and pornography. He’s kind and doe-eyed and timid. He’s easy to talk to. He’s attractive. Sharing heat together always feels pleasurable and warm. 

Alphas like him. Mostly alpha women. And you like Takahashi too, while you date him. He’s tender and thoughtful - easy to read and easy to treat well. The relationship is never something worthy of complaint.  

Which is why you break up with him before you leave for winter break the next year.  You explain it  all to him and feel incredibly disheartened when he cries. Takahashi is the poster image for what makes a good omega. And because he is so good, so kind, so caring - it’s unfair to continue to be with him when you know you can’t grow to love him the way he loves you. 

If a year in your ideal theoretical relationship can’t be enough to cauterize the wound of your heartbreak, there’s probably nothing else that will except time. Even hysterical, you relay all of this to Takahashi as best you can. You don’t regret being with him, because he’s taught you plenty of things. 

It’s because he’s taught you so much that you’re able to break up with him at all instead of remaining comfortable and impassive. Because you know the depth of another persons unconditional love and because you also grow to love Takahashi. You love him in a different way than he loves you, and you leave because it’s unfair. It’s the first year of your life that has felt long and meaningful since you and Bachira parted ways four years prior.  

So you split with him, and tell him everything on your mind. And because Takahashi is a good person who loves you unconditionally - it hurts you both, even though he accepts. He asks that if someday, you think you might change your mind to call him. He asks to be friends.  

You promise to him both, and then tell him again that you hope someone better will be there for him and that you love him even if it’s not like that.  

The day you break up with Takahashi, you have to take a train ride three hours long to get to the airport where you’ll board a short flight, then make the hours long venture back to your hometown.  

You’re fine for the duration. You don’t cry often anyway. It’s fine until your phone buzzes with the notification that F.C. Barcha has won a tournament match and will proceed to the next World Cup Qualifiers.  

And then, like clockwork, you sob into your hands on an empty train - heart so full of longing you could nearly throw up.  

You think, breaking up with Takahashi-kun was the right choice.  

You think, I miss him.  

You heart doesn’t name who exactly you miss. That name is written all over it anyways.   

__  

[ TWENTY-ONE ] 

For the first few days of your winter break, none of your family is in your house for you to hang around.  

This is something you’ve always been used to. Your parents have been on a trip in Kyoto and won’t be back until after new years and nii-san is working a lot of overtime until about the same. You have a copy of your house keys so you have a place to stay, and you’ve made some shrine plans with Miki and Sasaki since you’re back home.  

They’re both still busy until the thirtieth though, so until then you have nothing to do.  

Today is the twenty-sixth, the day after Christmas. You’re home early since all of your classes finals lined up in the short-span of three days. It was stressful but you’re thankful for the extended few days that allowed you to go home early.  

Yu-san has insisted you spend some time with her instead of being by yourself. You always spend a day or two at her house during your winter breaks and have since you left for college. After your eighteenth birthday, it just felt like the right thing to do.  

You bring her something every year when you visit, and sometimes you stay over night. She treats you like her own, and fills you in about Bachira from time to time.  

In honor of upholding tradition, you decide to go see her a little early this year. Before you enter the familiar and cramped space of Yu-sans apartment - you always buy her a nice bouquet of flowers, a box of sweets, and an expensive bottle of sake. You have a gift for her too, some souvenirs from Hokkaido like always.  

You stop by your house first to drop off your things and lock up before walking the short distance to your childhood friends home in the winter air.  

You’ve been too often to knock after all, instead opting to text Yu-san and let her know that you’re there. You wait outside until she responds, giving you the go-ahead. 

yu oba-san (sent 9:57pm): the door is open but i had to step out for  a bit. make yourself comfortable.  

You gather your things up in one hand and tucking the flowers carefully in your arms to open the door. Your bag of gifts and drinks lands on the floor with a soft clunk as you set it down besides you, balancing flowers on the small cabinet near the entryway. Sliding your jacket off your shoulders and hanging it, you force your feet out of your winter boots, eyes searching around for the right pair of slippers.  

When you go to put your boots up on the shoe rack, you notice that there’s an unfamiliar pair of sneakers. You notice it too late. Mens sneakers. 

 A faint scent of burnt honey.  

You shake your head trying to shake the thoughts away. The likelihood of it being Bachira is so slim you wonder why you’re considering. The match for F.C. Barcha took place in Spain. It takes a day of travel to get to Japan, so you guess it’s possible. Even so, you think it’d be more likely he comes during New Years. It’s not guaranteed he’ll have enough time to even come home every year. He did two years back from what you know but not since then.  

You gather your things again. First the small bag you keep your personal stuff in, then the bags you’ve brought for Yu-san, and finally the flowers in your arm.  

You decide against announcing yourself since you suspect you’re the only there. 

Except you’re not.  

The whole world feels like it’s collapsing underneath your feet to see Bachira in flesh, tucked into the couch of his childhood home the same way he used to when you were kids - with both legs folded up and his chin resting on his knee.  

A shock of yellow hair, eyes gemstone gold and a stronger scent. Bachira. Meguru. 

You startle and think of what to do. What excuse you can make. How you can tiptoe your way out of the room and catch the breath that he steals away from your lungs.  

No such luck. Bachira is perceptive as always, noticing you before you get a chance to slip away.  

“Oh,” He murmurs. He’s taller. Just a bit, you think. “It’s you,”  

Your heart is thudding, blood rushing to your ears and face as you stare at him. You can barely feel your legs, weakness in your knees nearly making you buckle. Frozen stiff in place, you blink once, twice before nodding. You force yourself to swallow the lump in your throat.   

“Uhm,” You don’t know what to do. “Yeah. I came to visit Yu-san.”  

He nods back.  

“She told me I should come over as soon as I can.” Bachira says. He feels unfamiliar. His hair is longer, but styled up and his ear lobes are pierced. He looks so much older yet so much the same. “My team mate dropped me off with his jet so I made it in a day.”  

Ah. Was it planned? She’s like your nii-san in how much she wants you two to reconcile. “Makes sense.” You flounder. Awkward silence falls so you try to come up with anything to say. Your hands are sweaty. “ Uh..Congratulations on your win, by the way.”  

He looks surprised. “Do you keep up with soccer these days?”  

Just for you. “A bit. Out of habit, I guess. And I’m the soccer teams manager at uni.”  

Surprised, he blinks in silence for a while.  

 “Oh. Well,” Suddenly, he beams. It’s no doubt forced and it breaks you into a thousand pieces though you try not to let it show on your face. Try not to let the omega part of you whimpering for approval too obvious. He smiles at you “Don’t be a stranger on my behalf! You should put your stuff down and sit. We should uhm..catch up!”  

You make a face at him that you know is pained, but nod anyways. The tension in the air is so thick as you slide to the other side of the room, putting the flowers and other gifts on the kitchen counter.   

Four years. Four years. How are you supposed to act?  

“Uh,” You call from the kitchen, hoping the nerves in your voice aren’t obvious. “Do you uhm, maybe want something to drink? I brought alcohol and I think there’s beers in your fridge.”’ 

Your eyes meet from the living room to where you stand behind the counter. He shrugs, giving you a lighthearted smile.  

“Mm. My nutritionist might get pissed but whatever! Why not you know? A beer would be good, thanks!” 

You nod and try to do the same - keeping the conversation as light as you can. You repeat that it’s fine like a mantra.  

“Is beer not too bitter for you? I bought chuhai cans. There’s a pineapple flavor,”  

The question is innocent enough to you, but you realize seconds later the intimacy of it. Four years or not, you were Bachira’s friend your entire life so it’d be weirder not to know and even weirder not to at least ask. It’s an extension of courtesy no matter how unnecessary, and plus - you’re known for being a little too obsessed with the details.  Bachira prefers sweet things and likes canned pineapple. You’re sure you picked it up out of habit.  

When you look up at Bachira, he looks nearly ready to cry. It startles you so much you jolt out of your skin. He turns away. “Haha…You remembered,”  

A pang of concern makes leaves you standing in place. There’s no way you would’ve forgotten. “Oh uhm. Sorry. Is that weird for you?” You explain, trying not to overstep any boundaries. “If me being too familiar is making you uncomfortable then—“  

“It’s not that,” He insists seriously. “I was trying to keep it together but I can’t after that,” He lets out a loud sob suddenly. Your eyes widen. Several waves of emotion pass over you at the same time. “I missed you…hicc, why would you remember that…sniff,”  

You soften, shoulder slumped with endured longing.  

“I missed you too,” 

“Liar,” He hiccups again, crying in full hysterics this time. You shuffle back to the living room to join him on the opposite side of the couch, placing the bag of drinks on the coffee table and reaching a hand over to squeeze his knee. “You haven’t talked to me in four years. You didn’t miss me at all but you remember something so dumb. You’re always like that. You’re so….”  

You frown. Does he really think you didn’t miss him?  

“It wasn’t like that,”  

“Then explain it to me now! Hasn’t it been long enough…dont you…!” He exclaims, pulling his hands from his face. You can’t contain your surprise about the reaction though you understand it completely. You feel similar. You’ve convinced yourself the entire time that any relationship you had with each other was completely one-sided. Assuming he would move on fine without you now that there were people in his life he could call friends. Still, it’s so unusual to see evidence of it not being true. “You never explained anything to me you just..” He sniffs “Left me. I thought you didn’t care anymore but…”  

His display of genuine sadness makes you feel horrible.  

You press your lips together in a thin line, reaching into the bag for a tall can of beer and cracking it open before having a drink so it numbs your nerves.  

Your stomach is twisted up in a knot so tight you kind of feel sick. There’s no way around the conversation now. You can’t bear to see him cry so much, so you should at least clear up the understanding. 

 Leaned forward, elbows on knees - you keep your eyes focused in front of you, keenly aware of Bachira adjacent to you on the couch wiping his eyes.  

“It wasn’t that I didn’t miss you, I just uh,” You swallow a lump in your throat until it smooths out. “I just have stuff I want to get over before we could be proper friends again. I wanted to reach out to you a lot. It wasn’t like I stopped caring about you after we fought,”  

“You hated me for lying to you and being an alpha right? Wasn’t that what you had to get over in the first place?”  

Your eyes go wide. “No, uh. It’s complicated. I didn’t uhm, hate you for lying about it. I was shocked sure but you are—were my best friend. I did distrust alphas for a long time and I still don’t really like them… but it didn’t matter to me. I told you then too but I didn’t hate you it was just,”  

You chuckle nervously, running your thumb on the rim of the can. “It felt wrong to keep being your friend. Not knowing something so basic. The fact you felt like you couldn’t tell me. It was more like I was too ashamed to keep calling you my best friend.  

“You… Really?”  

You nod. “And uh, I didn’t want to reach out to you again until i got over some personal stuff.”  

“You big dummy,” He wipes his nose with the back of his sleeve. “It wasn’t like that at all…. Even back then, I knew you wouldn’t have hated me just for being an alpha,” He hiccups another sob. “I was just so scared you would that I didn’t want to tell you. I thought you would start treating me different and we’d stop being close if you found out I wasn’t an omega. You’re such a good person, how come you think of yourself like that? Why do you think…hicc”  

“Sorry,” You mumble, unsure of what to say.  

It feels like a great weight has been lifted up off your chest.  

“Stop apologizing, dummy. Stupid.”  

You give him a wobbly smile.  

“What did you have to get over that you couldn’t talk to me for four years?” He huffs. “If it wasn’t me being an alpha, what was it?”  

Your eyes widen, heart rate picking up so rapidly you can only pray he doesn’t hear it. You swallow spit, teeth sinking into your cheek. You close your eyes and take a deep breath.  

You’ve thought about this conversation before hundreds of times. Often. How it would go, what you would say if you ever got the chance to say it. But having the opportunity to confess right in front you makes it all feel hundreds of miles away. 

Your mind has filled in the details each time with it going so badly. Bachira’s face, disgusted with you or otherwise unsettled always sears itself in your psyche so strong you  bite your tongue. You always found him a little unsettled by you in you thoughts. Disgusted with you for liking him so much even knowing he’s not into omegas. You don’t want your own cowardice or misunderstanding to get in the way of being honest with him after so long. 

You would’ve waited two more years to even speak to him had you been given a choice. But now with him in front of you, how could you possibly do that? It’s the universes way of ripping the band-aid off, you think. Such a tricky outcome can only being ordained by faith.  

“Well, I uhm, I was—am, in love with with you. Since we were kids so uhm, after we split ways I couldn’t really apologize. I w-wanted to get along with you again for a long time but I couldn’t…” You shake your head, refusing to see his expression. Terrified that what you’ll see is disappointment. “I wanted to sort my feelings out first so I could approach you honestly, I guess. I k-know you like alphas, so I’m not expecting anything really! I just wanted t-to ease the burden on myself a bit instead of hiding.”  

There’s a long, long stretch of silence. It feels like forever.  

“You’re in love with me? But you like omegas don’t you?”  

“Not exclusively I guess? I h-haven’t figured it out yet. I’ve never been with another alpha but my feelings for you are real. I know it’s burdensome to hear that but—”  

“It’s not burdensome,” He cuts you off instantly. Your eyes widen slightly. His expression has completely changed. “Are you being serious? You’re in love with me? Since we were kids? Even after finding out I’m an alpha?”  

You nod slowly. “Yeah. That was also part of the reason. Learning you were an alpha brought up questions. Uhm. Anyways. It’s been four years and I still can’t get over it so I didn’t want to put myself through that again. I hope it’ll make you believe that I don’t hate you at least,” 

“You still love me, then.” He says softly. “Right?”  

You flush, wondering why he’s asking. “Yeah. Same as always.”  

He covers his face with his hands, suddenly grinning. Your eyes grow wide at that openly. “Aaaah!! I’m so happy I could die right now.”  

“Bachira?”  

“You big dummy. You should’ve told me before. How come you’re the only one in the entire world who didn’t know?” 

“S-sorry?”  

For the first time in this entire conversation, you let yourself look at Bachira who’s positively beaming at you. You blink rapidly, feeling suddenly deeply unsure of yourself and your surroundings.  

“I love you too, stupid,” He says, sniffling. “Since we were practically babies.” He sniffles again, more tears streaming down his face. “Uwah, I can’t stop crying, I’m so happy.”  

“But you…don’t you also like…?”  

“Alphas? Yeah I do,” Bachira hums happily. “I’ve never been with an omega. And I’m not really that interested in them, either. I’m clingy you know? And selfish. You were the exception. My one and only omega.”  

You cover your face with your hands. 

“What’s wrong?” Bachira asks.  

You laugh. “I’m so happy I think I could die.” You mimic. Tears wet your lashes with unusual swiftness. “I never thought in a million years you would ever like me back. It wasn’t even a possibility for me.”  

It feels completely surreal. You want to pinch yourself. If it’s a dream, you want to thank whatever power is responsible for making it such a pleasant one and you never want to wake up from it. He…Bachira loves you. The way you love him. It feels so impossible. Your mind can’t catch up, leaving you slack jawed.  

“Me too,” He hums lovingly. “Ahh, I don’t know if I should cry or shout.”  

“You’ll disturb the neighbors.”  

His grin is crooked. “Then you should do something to keep me quiet,”  

Your face grows hot at the sudden implication. You’re not a virgin but the idea is immediately too stimulating for you to act normally. “What’s with that…”  

“You’re acting like you’ve never kissed anyone before.” He teases. You shoot him a sharp look.  

Your eyes go down at your lap. “Don’t tease me. I want too, I just don’t know if I can,”  

You feel Bachira move over to you. He sits himself besides you on the couch, tucking himself against your side and moving himself to look at your face where you’re ducked down. You can feel the tingling in your skin at the proximity. Overbearing alpha scent that feels like a tight hug only because it’s Bachira.   

“How can I not tease you when you’re being so cute, hm?” He hums. He’s so close to you. “You normally don’t react to anything but then you behave timid like this. It’s so cute. Don’t act shy and kiss me already. Or at least let me kiss you,”  

“Bachira…” You murmur, trying not to explode.  

“Ehhh?? That’s not my name.”  

You laugh a little, picking your head up. “Meguru,”  

“Better!”  

You laugh again, helplessly happy. There’s no word in any language tantamount to what you feel - this much you’re sure of. Embarrassment doesn’t subside quickly but seeing Bachira in front of you makes you happy enough to try look forward. He looks older, somehow. His smile is familiarly boyish, sharpened teeth and piercing eyes even stronger than before.  

Pointed, predatory - lidded eyes meet yours. “Let me kiss you.”  

You nod, unable to form words to say yes but wanting it so terribly.  

The second kiss you ever share with Bachira in your life is exactly like him. Overwhelming. A hard press of lips followed by his tongue sliding across the soft seam of your mouth, coaxing you open until he can slip his tongue in. Immediately salacious and hot, the kind of kiss you can only have in total privacy. The intentions of it are obvious. Your body singes at the feeling, immediately burdened with the weight of life-longing wantings as you kiss him. Deep and melty, your hands reaching for his waist body urging you to pull him closer.  

You feel something tingling at the base of your spine as Bachira slides his tongue against yours hotly. Wet muscle tracing your mouth, drawing lines over every inch like he’s trying to devour you whole from the inside.  

The scent of him drives you insane. He’s so close. It’s suffocating - rich, homey burnt honey and amber with something spiced clouding your mind as you breathe him through hot panting breaths and kisses and kisses. Wetness grows between your legs, the skin under your clothes starting to itch.  

You’ve had years now to understand your heat. You know exactly when it’s coming, when it starts and how it feels. You’re not due for another few weeks but you know what your body is experiencing like the back of your hand. Bachira won’t stop kissing you long enough to let you warn him, tongue busy lapping at your lips. He swallows the little noises you make. You put your hands on his shoulders as you push him away, chest heaving through unbearably labored breaths.  

A whimper in your subconscious - animal in nature, whines at you indignant. Inner omega burdened with desire and overwhelmingly craving the alpha so readily available. Estrus symptoms rush you strongly as your eyes droop, pressing your legs together hard so no slick makes a mess on the couch.  

“Meguru,” You breathe out, barely. “My heat.”  

“Was it soon?”  

You shake your head. “I t-think you triggered it,” You huff, keeping your hand on his shoulder and wincing at the way your body keens.  

His eyes fill with excitement. “Are you saying you wanted me so bad I made your heat come early?”  

“Don’t say it so..haah… blatantly.” 

He shivers, scent and pheromones releasing even stronger than before. You gasp, nails digging into his shoulder as he overwhelms you. He leans in close to you, teeth nipping at your jaw - fangs dragging feather light on your scent glands.  

“It doesn’t seem like you want to stop you know?” He murmurs the words against your neck, eliciting a low whine.  

“Yu-san is supposed to be coming back.”  

“She won’t for a while. It’s already this late, I bet she’s doing something else,” 

“You don’t know that though,” You reason. He hums happily, nonplussed about all of it.  

“Are you worried she’ll walk in? I can always fuck you upstairs. In my old room. She won’t catch us if you’re quiet,” His voice has a rasp to you you’ve never heard before. It’s usually smooth and upbeat, but there’s grit to it now that has you buckling at the knees. “I’m your alpha right? I should take care of you.” 

“Who said you were my…?”  

He gives you a serious look before you can get the rest of the words out. “Do you really think I’d let you be with somebody other than me now that I know? Don’t you think that’s silly?”  

The predatory hunger in his gaze makes your breath catch. A gazelle in the maw of a lion, you wonder if all prey animals tremble violently when they at risk of being eaten. There’s such a thing as survival instinct, but there are abnormalities and exceptions. Bachira bears his fangs you, a blatant claim of his possession - teeth nearly drawing blood on the thin skin of your neck and you think to yourself you want him to eat you. To split you apart and lick you up down to bone, until your vision clouds with nothing but the sight of his hunger.  

You want it so much you gasp, a bolt of lightning crackling through each of your veins. You shake your head obedient to your own want.  

“My alpha,” You try the words out, heaven on your tongue. A claim. “My Meguru,”  

“Yours forever. Always yours,” He hums, contented with the show of submission. “Oh, baby. I’ll take such good care of you know? Knot you nice and pretty. You’ll like I promise. Even alphas like taking my knot,” His hand slides under neath your sweater, slides just between the edge of your stockings and your bare skin. “But you’re an omega—my omega, and you’re perfect so you’ll love it won’t you?”  

You feel drunk on the euphoria. Lust, lovesickness, lenience, all of them make you want to melt entirely. It’s so unlike you. During other heats with other people, you always managed to anchor yourself somehow. You want to blame it on your biology.  

You’re  hardwired to want this in some ways.  

But now you’re old enough to know there’s more to it. More to why his touch is safe. What’s etched into your bones is Bachira’s name only. Only him. His knot, his alpha instinct, his fangs - they’re what transforms you into something beyond yourself. You want the alpha in Bachira, want him to sink his teeth into softness you’ve always kept inside of him only.  

“Want you,” You confess between bitten lips “Meguru, want you so bad,” 

 Nothing in your life has ever been so true. No words you’ve spoken have bore as much weight as that admittance. Bachira licks onto your mouth without subtlety, fangs sinking into the plush of your bottom lip with lustblown out in eyes.  

“Come on, then baby.” He tempts. “Let me give you whatever you want, mmkay?”  

Your agreement comes out more like a whine than a firm yes. Bachira laces his fingers together with yours in the way he used to when you were kids walking across the road. You can barely feel your legs as you hurry up the stairs, worn but loved photos of childhood life and home. There’s pinned up medals and photos and each step you climb makes your heart race a little faster.  

It dawns on you too late that Bachira is the love of your life. Your omega pines for it, longs for the intimacy of it. Alpha, alpha, alpha - Meguru. A hymn etched into your heart.  

He tugs you into his room and locks it quick, groping desperately for the lights before pinning you up against the door in one swift motion. You feel your back against the wood as his hands move all over you. He squeezes the soft curve of your hips, nails dragging light against your stockings as he hitches your leg up kissing you more. Sloppier, messier - breathlessly chasing your lips and never pulling away. Always running after you when you stop to breathe like he’s destined to be your only source of oxygen. You claw at him, your eyes fluttering shut, rolling your up against him as slick wets the inside of your tights.  

It’s embarrassing how wet you really are. It’s never been so bad So blatant. He laughs a little, the hard press of his cock against your core making you sputter. Giggly as he feels it, hand squeezing your knee tight where he holds you up.  

“So wet,”  He murmurs against your mouth. “You’re so wet baby. It’s making a mess you know? You’re not usually this messy are you? You’re not one for bad manners.”  

You whine against his lips. “Don’t make fun of me.”  

“Stupid. I’m praising you,” He replies. “Praising your perfect pussy the way it deserves. Always giving so much to me. Don’t you think it’s mean if I don’t give back just a little?”  

“Touch me,” You beg slowly losing your sense of shame. “Knot me. Fuck me. Wanna bond with you.” You sniffle, overwhelmed as you plant your face against his neck “Wanna be with you forever,”  

A low growl slips from his throat, makes you so weak you could break with the slightest touch. “Don’t say that lightly.”  

You claw at your sobriety. Overtaken with emotions or not, the desire to bonded—mated isn’t a suggestion from thin air. You want proof of him in your life forever, the shape of his teeth in your neck. It’s been so fucking long. You’ve pined for him for nearly your entire life. Clutching onto him is the only thing you can think to do.  

Pulling away, you search desperately for your reflection in his eyes, trying to show your utter sincerity.   

“I’m not,” You say with as much conviction as you can. Embarrassment makes your face hot. “I know I’m in heat but I…” Your lip trembles. “I’ve thought about it. I won’t regret. aI want you so much, Meguru. Bond with me.”  

He whines. “You’re so unfair. You can’t just say that and expect me to be fine. You don’t know how bad I want it. Want you. For so long.”  

“You have me,” You whisper, trying not to look away. “It’s hard for me to say stuff like that, alright? So if you get it bond with me.”  

“You’re so fucking cute.” He praises. “Of course I will. How can I say no when you ask me like that? So pretty, so,” He takes a deep breath. “So sweet. So perfect.”  

Your lungs expand with a breath. “Meguru,”  

“Wore something so cute only to get it all messy,” He hums. His hands pulling up on your sweater. “Who got this for you?”  

“Uni friends,” You mumble, heart picking up speed. Bachira draws the long sweater up on your form, sliding it up over your ass and waist. It’s shaded enough that the large wet spot isn’t obvious. His hands grip your ass, moan slipping from his mouth in appreciation for the touch. “T-they told me it’s in style.”  

He tugs the sweater off of your body and tosses it somewhere on the floor, leaving you mostly naked aside from your underwear. You paw at his shirt making he laughs warmly.  

“Wanna get me naked so bad?”  

Yes. You feel ashamed thinking about how much you wanna feel his skin. Bachira is all sinewy muscle under his clothes. He’s grown a little over the last four years, even though you used to be the same height. It’s a touch of it everywhere, broader shoulders and deeper musculature, a physique carved from so much training. The muscles of his torso make you swallow thickly, the promise of dark hair trailing from his stomach at the top of his pants.  

“You’re staring so much. I’ll get embarrassed.”  

You find your hands smoothing up his chest and feel aroused about how good it looks. Weird gratitude settles over you seeing your manicured nails on Bachira’s strong chest. Too pretty for an alpha, but sharp enough that you believe it. The thought of the two of you together sends you reeling with thoughts. You’ve always wanted it. Always wanted him.  

He only lets you admire him for so long. His hands go around to your back, unclasping your bra in one go. You let him take it off you - self-conscious in how he zeros in on your chest. Nipples hardening in arousal, his hands cup them and squeeze. The rough feeling and grip of his palms makes you gasp - harsh in the way you can only imagine someone who fucks alphas can be. Keening, you watching Bachira lean back in to kiss you briefly before leaving hot, wet kisses down your neck and chest.  

Before he gets any further, he drags you along to his bed. Manhandling you until you’re laying on your back on his sheets, he climbs over you with appreciation. His eyes trace your body before landing at your core, sopping wet from heat-addled arousal. You cover your face with your hands.  

Wordless, he grabs your tights and pulls them down from your body hard.  

There it becomes obvious, your wetness. Humiliation blooms in the pit of your gut as Bachira sits between your legs, pulling your them apart at the knee with complete and utter fascination. You’re wearing light colored panties - plain with silly patterns, pale yellow. Your arousal is no doubt visible, soaking beyond just the inset of your panties but the entire thing. Slick runs down your thighs, down your ass. It’s egregious, excess appropriately reflective of how you ache. Your body is wholly for a knot with how much of it there is.  

The longer Bachira stares, the more it pulses and throbs under his vision. You feel soaked from the waist down. “Is it always so wet…?”  

“It’s not… usually this bad.” You admit. Bachira growls something deep in his chest.  

Before you can protest, he rolls soaked underwear off you in one go and leaves you completely bare.  

He’s imposing, stood on his knees over you - nearly in a trance. Bachira pulls you up by your waist, his thigh supporting  your spine as he folds you up until your legs are in the air - bending down until your cunt is directly in front of his face. You gasp seeing his face between your legs. Both of his arms are secured around your thighs as he takes a sharp inhale. Slick drips down towards your belly because of the way you’re angled and bent. It’s humiliating seeing your legs overhead. He presses his cheek against slicked-soaked inner thighs.  

Holding you still like that, back off the bed nearly folded in half with only his own body to support you - he dives face deep into your cunt without a second of forewarning. Your whole being lurches at the sensation, the lacking of build-up going straight to your tender core.  

Bachira laps at your cunt like he’s starving for it. There’s no technique, nothing but sheer animalistic hunger as his tongue dives furiously into your sex - nose bumping and brushing your clit with each wet, forceful slide of his tongue, swallowing down as much of your slick with each go. You feel your body go weak, lightheaded at being held and ate so viciously. Arousal comes in waves until finds a pace for himself with little word of instruction other than desperate keening and vague asks for more. Your eyes are closed as tension draws in your stomach. His mouth finds your clit, sucking gently and letting the flat plane of his tongue smoth on the sensitive bundle of nerves over and over - sucking carefully.  

His face is red when you open your eyes to look at him slurp your pussy, slick up and into his throat as if its a life force. Your eyes lock and you whimper at how he smiles into your pussy, keeping rhythm. He hums against you as the feeling builds and builds and builds. Heat makes you lightheaded, your thighs trembling, feet pointed with your toes curling as you reach the inevitable end of your first orgasm. His arms are securing holding you and taking the weight off of your spine - both of them holding you tight. You see the veins flex in his forearms as he grips you. Something about it sends you careening off the edge.  

The first orgasm Bachira gives you happens like that. He makes you cum with your spine halfway up in the air, tension in your body going so tight before releasing all at once. Orgasm makes you crashland. You cum so hard, you’re blindsided. Tugging as from his grip, your thighs squish his face as you squirm, all the muscles in your lower body tremoring from release.  

“M-meguru, can’tcan’tcan’t,” You feel his mouth follow you through orgasm in what reverence. His tongue dips inbetween your folds, the only mercy you receive.  

All at once, he lets you down gently until your laid limp in his bed. His face is covered in slick and drool as you lay there gasping and twitching erratically in the aftermath of your first induced heat orgasm. You stare at him, dazed as he wipes his face with his hands then licks them clean.  

“You taste so fucking sweet,” He mumbles, awestruck. His hand comes down next to your head, nothing but pure adoration in his vision - fangs bared. The yellow gold of his eyes pins you to his bed. “I can’t get enough of you. Didn’t know anything could taste that good.”  

He presses his mouth to yours in a way that’s almost violent, holding your jaw so you can taste yourself on his tongue. When he’s pleased, he kisses the corner of your mouth, then your cheek and all over your face. You can’t think of a single coherent string of thoughts, even after your first orgasm.  

Like a livewire, every place Bachira touches, lingers for minutes. Just his name, just his knot - the only things your brain can make space for so aroused.  

“Did I already fuck you stupid?” He asks, breathless laugh on his lips. “Aw, baby - we just got started you know? You can’t tap out so early,” He pats your thigh with sticky hand making you yelp and waking you up form your haze. “How can I make you my mate without your full attention, hm?”  

You blink at him, tears at your lashes at his face. Your heart feels strange, so relieved, so pleasant, you think you could die. The smallest, soberest part of you is happy to be with Bachira but your instinct is practically clawing at your chest begging for more.  

“Meguru,” You want to burst into tears but settle for soft sniffles. “Meguru, I love you. Love you, love you so much. I love you.”  

“Ehh? Why’re you crying dummy?” His voice is tender, so thoughtful. Bachira is so selfish while being so loyal at the same time it makes your heart sing. “I love you too, so so much. Are you crying ‘cause it felt good?” 

He leans into your space, letting your arms wrap around his neck with a sniffle. “It felt so good it was scary,”  

He smiles at you - beaming. You want to hold onto him forever. Your soul has never ached so much for another person in your entire life, You press onto him tight, chest squeezing against his as you pull him in for a hug.  

He laughs then, squeezing you in his arms before rolling around in the bed. The innocence of the gesture brings a quiet giggle to your lips as Bachira presses kisses all over you. Soft pecks on your shoulder, on your nape, at the crown of your head. “Wanna look at me this time, hm? Would it make you feel better?”  

You nod in his arms and he smiles at you again, so sweet. He’s different. His egoism is so present, so there - selfishness carving him into the man he is now. Bachira does as he pleases with you, but gives you these little mercy’s admits his ruthlessness that make you want to fold under his touch.  

He lays on his back and drags you along with him. You’re laid ontop of him, chest to chest - and he keeps you like that before gazing into your eyes so adoringly, you urge to look away. He holds your gaze, not intending to let you.  

“You’re staring too much.” You murmur.  

“I can’t look at you even though you’re so pretty? Unfair.” He says back just as fast.  

“You say embarrassing stuff so easily…”  

He smiles at you. “Because I mean it, dummy. There’s no one prettier than you,”  

“That’s not,” Your breath catches as you feel his hands grab your ass, pressing your face to his neck, scent glands next to your nose. “…ngh, it’s not..”  

“Don’t say it’s not true or I’ll get angry,” His voice is sing-songy as he gropes you with both hands, content to feel you as you rub your body against his desperately craving more touch. You want to be in his skin. “You’re prettiest to me.”  

“Meguru,” You whimper. “Meguru,”  

“Begging for my knot with such a sweet voice. How deceiving.”  The contrast in the tone of his voice versus his touch makes you long for him. “Do you want my cock so bad already?”  

You frown feeling bashful as you nod.  

“Ah, but you’ve never had a knot in here before have you? Not a real one,” He hums, voice thick with amusement. “So I have to open you up nice till you’re nice and soft on my fingers mmkay? Here, turn this way.” 

Bachira lays you on your side, letting you adjust so your arm can slide under him comfortable. He lays facing you, pulling you towards him until your legs slot together - one of your legs locked between his with the other on top. He’s face to face with you like this. He slides one of his arms under your back to pull you to him even further, the other reaching over around your thighs and sliding his digits against your slick cunt. Your own arm bent at the elbow, you hold onto Bachira’s face locking eyes with him. Hands splay at his face, hoping your expression is enough to get the points across. He smiles at you, fangs glinting out shiny as he stares back.  

No words are shared between you but you get the feeling he knows exactly what you want to tell.  

You feel his middle finger slide down until it catches on your entrance making you whine. He hums sogtly, forearm pressed against your thigh as he pushes his first digit into you slowly. Your lips meet again in something softer, heat stricken pining you moan as he sinks into your welcoming heat. His voice is a whisper against your skin.  

“Fuck, nghh - Meguru,”  

“Your body is made for this,” He says, awestruck and giggly. “It’s going in so easy. Needs my knot so bad it’s getting impatient and ready. So fucking wet,”  

You huff impatiently. Rarely are you so petulant and impatient. You want more, need him inside so much deeper. From the first time you had sex to now, you’ve never experienced this much longing to be penetrated. To be fucked hard and deep, hardwired in your subconscious.  

 It’s never been important until now, until Bachira. His first slides in and out so easily, you only start to feel it at two. You tuck against Bachira’s neck, feeling the shape of his fingers. They’re angular, bony but long and pretty. They reach into you deeper than you’re own even with just two.  

“There’s a spot that makes you feel good, right?’ He hums. You can feel the reverb of his voice from his chest. “Where is it… here?”  

He hits it almost instant, rubbing your gspot - lightly swollen from heat. You arch against him as Bachira places an appreciative kiss on your shoulder. “It’s there. I’ll touch it more for you, ‘kay.”  

So he does. He angles his fingers, his wrists in such a way that he can rub up against it in a beckoning gesture. Your clit throbs in response to the stimulation - sticky, honeyed want coiling in your gut and abdomens as you sensitivity skyrockets even higher. Pressure builds slower with his fingers, just two - pumping in and out of your soaking wet pussy noisily as Bachira concentrates, low lidded eyes. Pressing his lips to yours and swallowing your tiny whimpers. You feel like you’re going to burst when he adds a third finger in. You’re not expecting the stretch - not painful but full. Makes you feel even needier, canting your hips against the motion of his fingers.  

You cum again dully throbbing all over your body - the sensation snapping like something brittle - clean and even but obvious. Your cunt tightens, clamping down on Bachira’s ring, middle, and pointer and how deeply they reach inside of you. You’ve never cum like this before, never cum from the inside even during heat. Silken walls clamp down on his thick fingers never wanting him to go, only wanting more.  

The arousal is just strong enough to make you snap. You gasp, nearly biting his lips as you shudder and rut - trembling in the strong grip of Bachira’s arms. The praise he whispers against your hot skin makes you feel so wanted. Your brain chants for his cock, his knot so eagerly you don’t know how to get it across other than begging him until your voice gives. The omega in you whines, sniffles brattily when Bachira pulls his fingers from you leaving your cunt so sorely empty.  

“Fuck me,” You express, trying to keep your composure as best you can. “Can’t think.”  

“Eh? That’s a first,” He hums. He draws your hips to his, hand on your ass as his clothed erection is pinned up against your sticky sex. “You’re always overthinking with this pretty face but now you want my knot so much you can’t?”  

The words make you want to collapse, how mean he says them while still being sweet. 

“I’m sorry,” You hiccup. “I love you  

“Shh, shh - it’s okay,” He murmurs. If you were more there you’d know he’s merely teasing. “Don’t cry. Just have to stick beside me from now on okay? All mine. Gonna bite you and make it permanent so you can’t run away.”  

“Okay,”  

“And you can’t show how cute you are like this to anyone else, okay?”  

You sniffle. “Okay,”  

“Say it baby,” He echoes. “Say I’m yours and you’re mine.”  

So you repeat the words as best you can in this state, slurring your words. “I’m yours and… you’re mine.”  

He grins. “You’re so cute. So perfect. Ah, I’m getting jealous of other people just thinking about it.”  

You blurt the words out drunk off of the sensations in your body when you hear Bachira talk of jealousy. “I broke up with my last boyfriend because of you,” You mumble, inhaling his scent “He was really nice to me but I couldn’t get over you even though we were together for a year,” You let your eyes flutter shut. “It was just a few days ago. So, there’s nothing to be jealous over,”  

A long silence stretches between you at the confession as you listen to Bachira’s heartbeat pick-up pace until it’s a loud pump. The sudden change makes you concerned, pulling away to see what he’s thinking. You assume it was going to be something cheeky and playful like always, but when you look at him - he’s blushing full red. Completely bashful, eyes blown wide and blinking rapidly. You feel oddly amused at it as he presses his lips together, hugging you until you laugh.  

“You’re soo unfair. Ugh, how could you…ugh” He trails off to stare at you. “You love me?”  

You smile at him breaking out into a giggle. “A lot. It’s embarrassing.”  

He sighs blissfully content.  

“I can’t look at you while I bond with you but I want to when I knot you ‘kay? Wanna hold you really close.” 

“Meguru,”  

He whistles at the sound of his name on your lips, like it’s all you need to say. “Lay on your tummy baby. “ 

He moves aside to let you flip over until you’re laying flat on your stomach. You lift your hips up slightly to make yourself more accessible, burying your face in your arms crossed in front you. You feel anticipation build up in your body, thoughts complete clouded. Your incisors sink in your lower lip as you listen to Bachira unzip and take off his pants, wiggling your hips lightly to tempt him. His hand comes down to swat your ass in a playful gesture. You yelp.  

He’s quiet for a while, his hands coming onto your back. “What’s this?”  

Your eyes widen as his fingers brush over the spot. You hadn’t thought about it. Your tattoo. Shit.  

“…A tattoo,”  

“Of a bumble bee and a flower,” Bachira repeats, shit-eating grin audible. “What kind of flower?”  

“Kuroyuri.” You say, embarrassed. “Stands for love and curse.”  

“Oh you’re really that in love with me, hm? How old is this? It’s healed. You missed me so much? I’m so happy.” He says breathlessly, elation so obvious in his voice it makes you shy. “Tell me all about when I’m done fucking you, okay baby?”  

You bury your face away from him, feeling shy as he kisses the placement before moving along.  

The position doesn’t let you see Bachira’s cock. Instead you feel it, which makes it much more imposing than you ever thought possible. The weight, the heft, the thickness of it is makes your breath hitch as you finally feel it outside of the confines of his boxers. You don’t need to look at it, you can feel how massive it is. He slides it along the curve of your ass and you can sense it so obviously it makes your stomach churn. He slides it between your ass, pushing it through both cheeks but not penetrating and it stretches you. You can barely contain the shock in your voice, pussy throbbing at the idea of him being inside of you with something so unbearably big.  

He hasn’t even knotted you. How can he possibly be that big without a knot. Your voice trembles.  

“Meguru… you’re huge.”  

He laughs, breathless. Cocky and egoistic that sends your spine tingling like a solar flare. “You don’t like it?”  

“I’m a little scared,” You admit. “But I want it at the same time.”  

“Don’t be scared,” His voice is tender but his words are filthy. “You’re made for me. Your cunts all split open and soaking wet because it’s begging you for my knot, pretty. Just mine. You’ll feel so full with me. So don’t be nervous and let me in okay?”  

You breathe deeply shakily, eyes fluttering closed at the promise of it. “Okay, Meguru.”  

You find yourself thankful that you’re not looking at him, but at the same time - you’re unsure if it’s better. You have to focus in on the sensation. There’s nothing but posters on the wall for you to look at and your eyes are barely focused it. Every inch of your skin is dry kindle and Bachira is the lighter - the match, the spark that sends you reeling in the midst of your heat.  

Your heats are always drunken stupors, messy hormonal sessions. To you they’ve always been akin to intense inebriated sex that’s painful unless you cum a few times.  

But with Bachira your heat is all encompassing flame. It’s like letting the sun swallow you whole, sweat dripping down your spine. When Bachira pushes the fat head of his cock into your tight, wanting, needy fucking cunt - you cry so loud you might scream. Whats left of your sense snaps as your body throbs for cock, you push yourself back onto him with a groan. You want him to knot you, want him to fuck you full and cum deep inside and plug you up. Want him to make you so whole and he’s so good because he is. 

 You feel your fists tangle in the sheets, and then feel Bachira’s body slump over yours from behind. His hand falls over yours, squeezing it as the thick swell of his shaft pushes into you your pussy painfully slow and stakes its claim. You feel like an animal the way you give way to your desires.  

The sensations and scent in the room is so strong your eyes sting and your mouth waters, drool pooling at your lips as Bachira splits your pussy open completely on his fat cock. Everything is sweet,  coats your mouth as you take in a sharp gasp of air. You choke his name out from your lips, whimpering at the soft growl in his voice when he finally bottoms out. Inch by inch, veins of his cock throbbing and pulsing inside of you.  

Your body is hypersensitive. You’re so wet, so out of your mind with that your thighs are trembling at the edge of an orgasm. If he moves the right way, you know you’ll cum instantly.  

He leans over your shoulder and you pick your head up weakly letting him lick into your mouth. “Gonna bond you. Gonna mark you and mate you and making you all fucking mine. Sink my fangs into your pretty neck, my pretty omega. You’re so precious baby. Make me so hard. I love you, I love you so much.”  

“Bite me,” Is all you can get out, your brain can barely think hard enough for anything else. “Please. Please bite me,”  

It’s sudden. Sharp. Exactly what you want.  

You feel the sensation of teeth in your neck and everything around you halts to honor it. An orgasm shatters you in the process of it as Bachira pulls out and thrusts his hips and you cum so hard you shake violently - hands fisted in the sheets and pussy spasming as you cum relentlessly. Bottomed out, you allow your body to take it all in before the feeling your bond starts to draw in so much clarity. Belly fully, muscles tight - everything slows the the whirring blades of a fan coming a halt or a car worshiping a red light. The world stops spinning, briefly - mind and soul and spirit melding together his fangs descent into your neck. You feel the sharpening teeth sink into the soft flesh of your nape and cry out at the dull sensation of pain, outweighed by the out-of-body euphoria.  

It’s like everything makes sense. Every moment, every concern, every heartbreak - every minute apart. Love like a nerve split raw, open, tender - make tears pool at your lashes and spill down your face as Bachira bonds with you and stays there long enough to penetrate. All endorphins, pleasure, pain. Something clicks steadily into place inside of you and makes sense of all of your mess. Everything you are. 

A sense of completeness like nothing you could ever know without him. You love him so much it swallows you whole.   

Bonding, a mark of permanence - can be rejected by the body. Bred into your secondary sex after years of evolution. A unique trait to alpha and omega sexes, whether same or opposite sex pairs. Bonds are equivalent to sharing yourself with another person. Weak bonds can be broken, and some bonds won’t take at all.  

When your bond with Bachira takes so easily some part of you just knows. Some place beyond instinct, beyond every thing in the world that defines you. All of you has always existed in part with Bachira. And this pleasure, this desire for closeness can only be derived from years of unconditional love.  

Whatever would happen of you, had you been born an alpha or beta, Bachira would be born alongside you and make you complete or you, him. The way the sensation connects you like an invisible thread is proof of that.  The ease of it. The desire between you is greater because of it’s exclusivity, because you prefer omegas and always will - but no one compares to Bachira regardless of sex or anatomy. He is yours because he is him, sweet smells and soft eyes and need.  

You can’t help but weep about it as you know he feels it too, secretions from his teeth dulling the pain from the wound as he finally pulls out from the mark and laps at the blood.  

You feel such intense relief, heat subsiding leaving only pleasure and warmth. .  

You love him so much you could stay like this. You love him so much nothing else in the world could ever sway you from it. You don’t care what it makes you. What it means. You love Bachira as he loves you - conventionally unconventional. Beautifully imperfect.  

Tears slip down your face as Bachira licks your wounds for you like always.  

“I’m yours, baby.” Bachira says, soft. Whispers your first name as he says it. “I love you so much. My whole life. Since I was little. Since you called out to me and let me show you my dribbling. I can’t stand being without you, you know? So don’t ever leave me,”  

You laugh a little, sobering. “As if I could.”  

“Wanna knot you and hold you, kay? Gimme a sec.”  

Your body whines at sensation of Bachira slowly pulling out before flipping you onto your back in missionary. He’s quick to do it. You glance at his shiny cock , light throb in your neck as he shoves the whole thing back in one go and making your sensitive hole cum all over again. Your own body is ridiculous to you. You’re making a mess on his cock and definitely of his bed in the process, gasping as your muscles spasm in your waist. 

“S-sorry,”  

“Don’t apologize for that, dummy.” He kisses you. “Here. Hold onto me.”  

You wrap your arms around his shoulders and let yourself slump into bed, whining as Bachira fucks you a few times - sloppy, wet thrusts noisy in the room around you. You feel them in your exhaustion, another wave of tension making your stomach burn. 

“Gonna, fuck—knot you, gonna knot you, ‘kay? Touch yourself for me.”  

“Knot me, Meguru.”  

Bachira bottoms out. You feel his cum flood your cunt - so thick it’s in a stream as the base of his thick cock swells inside your pussy. You’re already so stretched by his dick on its own, you can’t imagine the sensation of the real thing until you feel it.  

It throbs hotly inside of you, deep. The knot swells up until it’s fat enough to stretch your open, slick pussy even further. You feel it in spite of how wet you are, the sensation rubbing on your walls raw punching all the air out of your lungs as he cock fills you completely. You feel it in your throat, his knot in your belly plugging you full as you breathe.  

“Fuck,” Your voice breaks. “You’re so huge, what the fuck.”  

He pauses then laughs hysterically as he sinks into you unable to move. “Thanks! I’m pretty proud of it.”  

You chuckle tiredly. “How long does this last?”  

He hums. “An hour-ish?”  

Your eyes go wide. “Shit. Really?”  

“Uh-huh,” Bachira says happily, collapsing ontop of you. “And when it goes down I’m going to fuck you some more.”  

“Mercy… my stamina… Meguru I’ll die.”  

“No way. I’ve waited too long.” He says with a deep breath. “But I’ll let you rest for now.”  

You close your eyes, smiling. “Pfft. Thanks.”  

__  

Your back is going to give out.  

Athletes are frightening. Your body is covered in bite marks underneath the collar as you peel out of Bachira’s arms in the morning after. It’s 7am, and the sun still hasn’t risen since it’s the dead of winter. You stare at him, kissing his cheek as he lays - completely rested and healthy. Bastard.  

“Meguru,” You hum, stirring him awake. “I’m gonna run to the store and pick us up something to eat.”  

“Noooo,” He says, half asleep trying to wrestle you back into bed. “Stay here. With me,”  

“No,” You reprimand, peeling away from him. He whines out loud. “I’m sticky. I’m gonna borrow your loose clothes okay? I’ll be back soon.”  

“Booo,”  

Ultimately too tired to protest, you yawn and crawl out of your bed, scrambling to the shower after rummaging through tubs of clean, old clothes in Bachiras’s room and picking whatever you think will fit.  

You shower, scrubbing yourself inside and out. You feel apologetic using the products in the shower as you scrape cum out of yourself as best you can and scrub your body. Layers of sweat and slick between your thighs have dried down and feel incredibly unpleasant now that your sober and your heat is mostly settled or it will be for another few days. You’re thankful that Bachira’s childhood home is the second most familiar place in your life as it allows you to get clean in hot water without feeling awkward.  

Once you’re cleaned, you dry off and borrow Bachira’s lotion - rubbing into your skin and taking care of your appearance best you can. You examine yourself in the bathroom mirror, feeling sudden humiliation at your face. You’re practically glowing, and you reek of Bachira and fucked out omega even after the bath. You sigh, pinching the bridge of your nose and thanking all higher powers that you don’t have to see your parents for a few more days.  

After gathering yourself in the bathroom, you check on Bachira one more time in his room and smile as sleeps softly before slipping downstairs. 

His mom hasn’t returned yet. Her shoes, jacket, and other belongings aren’t in the house and her gifts are where you left them. You feel thankful about that as your eyes search for your bag, still sitting on the couch where you left it. Shuffling through it, you pop some heat medication dry before doing anything else.  

You grab it. It still has some battery left, left on DND. You check the time only, deciding you can swipe later. Heading out the door quickly, you make sure to lock up using the key underneath the mat for your quick trip to 7/11.  

A brisk walk later in the frostbitten air, you enter the convenience store. A bored looking cashier nods at you as you smile flatly in return.  

You pick up a couple of things. XXL condoms, juice and soda water, some snacks and ramen - along with some easy hot foods that can keep you both alive until you can get a better meal. Bachira has a decent appetite but you don’t think he’ll be up for a while to eat proper. He likes to sleep in during vacations.  

“Ah, excuse—Bachira?”  

Your eyes widen as you meet eyes with the familiar stranger and his friend. You know both of these people.  

You could not have possibly met them at a worse time.  

“Isagi-kun…” You bow, awkwardly thinking of what ways you could end your life right there in the 7/11. “And this is…?”  

“Rin Itoshi. He prefers Rin,”  

“Rin-kun,”  

The taller, brooding one gives you a look, crinkling his nose a little. You want to die. Your gaze turns to Isagi which is not much better as he’s wearing the worst shit-eating grin you’ve ever seen in your life.  

“I see. Nice to meet you Rin-kun,” You say, looking away, “What are you two doing here? This is me and Bachira’s hometown.”  

“We’re supposed to visit him in a couple of days actually but decided to do a little sight-seeing first. There’s more of us but they’re asleep at the hotel.”  

You just nod, silence stretching between you before Isagi breaks it.  

“I’m glad the two of you made up,” He says. “When did you guys start to reconcile? I always felt really guilty after the whole mall incident. Glad to see you  both doing well,”  

Your brain moves too slow to lie. “Uh. Last night was the first time we saw each other in a few years,”  

His eyes widen. “So the picture he posted was…?”  

You squint. “What picture?”  

Isagi makes a guilty face, unsure of what to do. Before you can ask, Rin, pulls his phone out and shows you something.  

It’s you and Bachira in bed with you asleep in his arms - your bitemark and visible tattoo showing in the image as his hand cradles the back of your head while you’re cuddling him in your sleep.. You’re both mostly covered by the sheets. The only caption is an emoticon and you’re not tagged. You blink, wiping your eyes. It’s so like him, you aren’t sure if you should laugh or cry. You sigh deeply instead.  

“You didn’t know?”  

“Haven’t checked my phone since..” You trail off. He’s so reckless. “Thanks for uh… showing me. I’m gonna head back but you and your team mates should come visit sometime. I cook hotpot for New Years so it’d be nice to have you all.”  

Isagi smiles amicably, politely ignoring the situation. You’re thankful your partners friend has so much tact unlike he himself. “Of course. I’ll ask Bachira for your info. Keep in touch”  

“Of course. Good luck on the World Cup qualifiers.”  

They both thank you for that before you turn and depart with whatever left of your dignity.  

__  

You check your phone on the way back to his place, seeing your notifications in shambles. Fifty messages total, some from family and most from friends congratulating you. You ignore all of them for now, especially the ones from your brother - not willing to know what they say.  

In your despair, you don’t notice the new pair of shoes when you open the unlocked door of Bachira’s childhood home either.  

“Oh!” Yu-sans voice is just as welcoming as it always is as you stare at her in the doorway awe-struck. She smiles at you incredibly knowingly as a new wave of mortification sinks in. “You’re back. Meguru is in the shower.”  

“Ah,”  

She gives you a long grin, letting the silence settle first before breaking out into laughter so loud it startles you. You can feel your body grow hot with shame, wishing the world would open from the ground up and swallow you.  

“You know I always thought something like this would happen eventually,” She hums, prepping the flowers you bought last night for a vase. “I’m grateful it happened when you were both adults at least.”  

“Yu-obasan..”  

“Oh don’t be so cold. Yu-san is fine. Or maybe kaa-san now that you’re both together.” She hums. “Anything but oba-san is fine. Makes me feel old. You know that.”  

You make an embarrassed face, sighing as you set your things down at the couch. You wanted to do stuff like this in order. Though you never really imagined you and Bachira together, you always thought for a serious relationship you’d have more of yourself together.  

“Uh,” You flush as you sit at the counter. Yu-san gives you a small smile, head tilted to one side as she arranges the flowers you’ve bought her. “It’s late to do this, but uhm… thank you for giving birth to Meguru and for taking care of me as if I were your own child all this time.” You feel your ears turn hot as you say the rest. “I promise to take good care of Meguru and you for as long as I live, any way I can and I hope you can accept our relationship and give us your blessing.”  

You pause, afraid to look up for a minute until the silence stretches on for a touch too long. When you look up, she’s smiling. Grinning. Meguru looks so much like her. Her laughter bubbles through the room airily like champagne.  

She comes around to hug you tight, startling you from where you sit, her hand on your head. “Asking my blessing… I don’t know how my Meguru got so lucky to find such a responsible kid. Of course you have it. As if you need to ask. Please do take good care of him and yourself. This is your home too, okay?” 

You smile before being startled by another familiar voice. “Uwah, I go shower and you’re having a hug without me.”  

“Come join us then!”  

“Yay! Group hug!” 

Bachira hollers as he squeezes you and his mom in a hug, suffocating you. It’s incredibly embarrassing so in some ways it feels incredibly familiar. They’re really too similar some times.  

When they pull away, Yu-san plays a motherly kiss to both your face and Bachira’s. “I’m going to go put these up in my room and hang out in the studio for a bit. You two should have a date, alright? It’s rare you have time like this.”  

“’Kay,” Bachira says, watching her walk up stairs before shouting. “Love you!”  

“Love you too!”  

You watch her disappear up the steps before seeing Bachira again sobered.  He smiles at you lovingly, but you pout - suddenly remembering this morning.  

“Ehhh?? Why are you making that face? Shouldn’t we be super lovey-dovey right now?”  

“The picture you posted,” You say, tugging at his shirt with your head down. “That’s too sudden. You’re a big athlete now, and—“ 

“So? There’s no one for me but you. I don’t care who knows. I want everyone in the entire world to know even though I don’t want them to actually see you.” He murmurs, crowding into your space. “I want everyone to know you’re mine. Don’t be mad, okay?”  

“I spoil you too much,” You say, because it’s true and it’s enough to make you not mad at all.  

He kisses you then. He tastes like the fruity toothpaste kids use and home when he does pulling back with a warm smile. You feel flush but keep your eyes on his face.  

“It’s the first time we’ve kissed just to kiss,” You hum. He smiles mischievously.  

“The second time, silly.”  

When the realization dawns on you, you gasp - smacking his chest in shock in dismay.  

You thought he blacked out for that kiss when you were seventeen! Bachira breaks out into giggles above you.  

“Meguru!” You exclaim, feeling huffy as he pulls you into his arms and begs for forgiveness. 

Meguru. Homesickness makes you ache, his name in your mouth the only remedy.  

Meguru. Your one and only.  

[literaila]

new pups

gojo satoru x fem!reader

summary: satoru brings home a couple of additions

warnings: satoru is annoying, reader is fed up with him, tsumiki is doing something (???), megumi is tired he needs a nap

last part | next part

*

year three

“ladies,” satoru calls, slamming the door instead of shutting it, even though you've scolded him about it for five weeks straight. “i’ve returned.” 

there’s the distinct sound of someone kicking the wall—probably just satoru throwing a bag by the door. 

you set down the pen you're holding, sighing at the sound. 

you used to live in a peaceful house, always clean, always calm, no boys to disrupt your wonderful lifestyle. 

and now you live with three kids. you probably haven't had a single moment alone since you moved in. 

and yet tsumiki looks up from the table, her eyes wide and waiting, and you watch fondly--glad that they're home. 

megumi rounds the corner, rubbing his eyes. his hair is a mess--complete with leaves and mud--and his face looks like it was stretched out by a car tire. but tsumiki smiles at him, not bothered by his appearance. “i’m here too," he says, walking up to the table where you're helping tsumiki with her homework, looking distastefully at the worksheets the two of you have lost track of. 

you smile at him. 

“hey, kid,” you say, pulling him to kiss his forehead. he tastes like sweat. “how was your class?” 

he shrugs, as telling as ever, then goes to the kitchen. 

satoru is next, as untouched as he was before he left, not a hair out of place, leaving a loud smacking kiss on tsumiki’s head—who loves it—and one on your cheek— which is promptly wiped away. 

“did you miss us?” he asks you, leaning against your shoulder with his entire body before you push him away. his blindfold is slipping from his face, and you snap it against his skin.

so he huffs and sits at the chair next to you, blindfold off, moving it even closer. seriously, he has never learned the meaning of personal space. 

“we didn’t have time,” you tell him, kicking his leg as he sits down. “we’ve been working.” 

he gives tsumiki a look. “blink twice if you need help.” 

she opens her eyes wide, making him laugh. her tiny fingers tap against the table, and you can tell that she's about to beg you for another break--just to go check on her room, she'll swear, or grab a glass of water. 

you've only been sitting there with her for an hour, but even you're feeling a bit restless at the math and reading comprehension worksheets you'd like to never see again. 

“shoo, satoru," you tell him before he can say anything else, 

"we’re almost done.” 

“but i just got here!” 

"you're going to disturb tsumiki. she's working hard." 

"i can watch," he grins at the little girl, "can't i, miki?" 

tsumiki looks between the two of you, nodding her head. "he's okay," she whispers to you, sweetly, and you pretend not to notice as the two of them share a wink and a smile, plotting against you, probably. 

"sit and be quiet," you point at him, turning away. 

"actually... could we take a break?" you frown at her, raising your brows. "there's not much left, and i promise i'll finish it all soon!" she pleads, taking satoru's signature sweet talking, "i just want to check on something real quick." 

you sigh, looking at what she's got left over, and, for how long you've been working, it's not that much (plus you could probably use a break too). "okay, but--" tsumiki is up from the table before the words are out of your mouth, her smile radiant, and she runs away before you can get another word out.

you snort as she leaves, then look to your best friend, frowning at him. "that's your fault." 

"i sat down," satoru deadpans. 

"i know you're teaching them to slack off when i'm not around," you tell him, moving your chair at least three feet away. just to get away from his crushing aura. 

satoru does not take this hint--nor any other one--and he moves with you like it'll physically kill him to be any further apart. 

"does avoiding homework and playing candy crush count as slacking off?" he asks you.

"yes." 

he nods thoughtfully. "oh, then yeah." 

you groan, stacking all of the papers on the table. your shoulders bump into his as you do so, his hands on your thighs, creeping as they try to scare you away. 

then they're gone, and he grins mischievously. 

"don't worry, megumi wanted to show you something anyway," he whispers, and then looks down the hallway, where the boy disappeared a couple of minutes ago. "megumi!" he sings. 

about thirty seconds later a scrunched-up body marches into the room, wearing pajamas already, dark circles that shouldn't exist for a nine-year-old under his eyes. 

seriously, what did satoru do? 

you nod at the boy and he looks quizzically at satoru, entirely bored and exhausted. 

"well?" satoru asks after they've been staring at each other for ten seconds straight. "aren't you going to show her?" 

megumi blinks, and usually, he'd probably argue at any request satoru made, but he looks too tired. he merely gives a half-hearted eye-roll, shaking his hair out of his eyes.

and then he turns towards you, looking briefly at the light above the table, rests one of his hands upon an open one, making an indiscernible shape. 

and almost before you can see them--you feel it, that unmistakable current of cursed energy, but satoru doesn't flinch, so neither do you. 

then there are two puppies at megumi's feet, barking excitedly beneath him. 

the two of them may be trying to give you a heart attack.

you stare for a moment--watching as megumi pats both of their heads, then looks at you, like he didn't just bring home two new pets without even asking you.

or like he's not just nine, creating creatures out of thin air.

you blink. the white one sniffs around megumi's feet, moving over to satoru to inspect him while the other black one sits by megumi, happy to remain there. 

"see!" satoru exclaims after he's had enough of the silence. he looks ridiculous bending down to pet the dog sniffing at his feet, who tries to nip at him in response.  

"you--" you frown, tilting your head, watching closely as they might disappear. "you made those?" 

"they're shikigami," satoru tells you, "aren't they cute?" 

"you just learned how to do that?" 

megumi nods. 

you gape for a moment more--so many curious thoughts running through your head, attempting to scare you away from your little boy and whoever he's supposed to be--but you shut them out. then smile. "wow, megumi. that--wow." 

his nose ruffles at you. 

"and you can summon them at will?" 

megumi frowns, but satoru nods. 

"and release them?" 

"he figured it out pretty quick," satoru says. "honestly, i was impressed." 

you stand up, ruffling his hair. "good job, buddy," you say, with obvious pride. 

how many parents can say that their child created two puppies and brought them home to them?

"they can't really do much." 

"i told you that they'll grow with you," satoru says, rolling his eyes. "maybe they have laser eyes."

megumi frowns at him.

"hmm," you watch them, the white one sniffing at you now. "they are cute. who could fight these little guys?" you say, cooing at the puppy, who basks in your attention. "they might shock curses into submission if nothing else." 

satoru laughs, slinging an arm around your shoulder as you rise up again.

you give megumi a frown, watching his slow blinks. "you tired?" 

he nods, not even bothering to deny it like he usually would.

"okay, go hang out. we'll get dinner ready." 

megumi walks off, the two puppies following after him. 

you brows furrow as you watch him go. "did you have to torture him to get him to summon them?" 

satoru rolls his eyes. "i just talked to him until he figured it out." 

"so, yes." 

"actually, he didn't say much. just kind of sat by himself and thought for a bit." 

"and you watched?" 

satoru grins at you, nuzzling his nose into the side of your face. 

"he looks like he's half dead." 

he shrugs. "took a lot out of him. puppies are hard work." 

he's recalling what you told him when he tried to get you all to go to the animal shelter a couple of weeks ago, you look at him pointedly. then away. 

satoru grins at you, pulling his head back, then pauses. "what? you're not a dog person?" 

"how much do you know about his technique?" 

"not a lot," he answers, simply, "i know that he'll probably rival me for strength. when he's older." 

"how are you going to teach him?" 

satoru shrugs. he doesn't need to worry about any of this, you think. he doesn't need to fear a single thing. 

and, really, he's always been a little too good for you. a little too strong for your soft demeanor, and easy heart. 

you bite your lip, considering it. how fast will megumi grow now that he's figured out the basics of his shikigami? how much longer can you keep him here, tied down?

it only makes you wonder what satoru was like as a kid, who he might've been if he hadn't always been him. 

"he's only nine," you whisper, soft, unbroken. it's not a confession or a worry. just the truth.

"you were nine." 

"i was ten," you correct, appreciating satoru's strong arms against your body, his effortless hold on you. 

he laughs, tilting his head at you. "i was born." 

you roll your eyes, pushing him off. enough of his presence. "yeah, yeah, honored one, whatever." 

he pulls you back, though, easy as ever. "it's normal," he reminds you. "he's got us. he'll be fine." 

you sigh, hanging your head against his chest. "we don't know anything about his cursed technique." 

satoru hums. 

"we have to figure it out," you tell him like you haven't thought about it every day for the past year alone. like you'll be able to figure out anything. 

"okay." 

"do you think there are books on it at the library?" you ask him, thinking about yaga's lessons--which, in hindsight, you should've paid more attention to. 

satoru frowns. "i'm not reading those." 

"well, no one's going to tell you about it." 

"you could. after you read the books," he grins, very pleased with this answer. 

"you're helping because there's probably, like, twenty different ones all contradicting each other." 

just the idea of the library is a tough one. who knows what information has been muddled over the years, or what you'll need to know for megumi, anyway? 

no matter what, it's gonna take longer than a day to figure it out. probably a decade, at least. 

"can't megumi just read them for himself?" satoru whines, shaking his head against yours at the same thought. 

"satoru," you pinch his forearm.

he groans. "fine. fine. i'll talk to yaga next time i'm at the school."  

"good boy." 

"don't patronize me," he pouts. 

"where did you learn that word?" 

"i can read, you know." 

"really? thought i was gonna have to teach you that too," you smile at him, pinching his rosy cheeks. he looks very pretty like this--always unchanging, unbothered. 

"i was the best in my class, i'll have you know," he tells you like you weren't there to experience that same class. 

"you mean laziest," you shake your head, stepping away, finally. "god knows why you turned out to be so strong." 

he grins again, leaning towards you. close enough to breathe in. "it's part of my natural charm." 

"great," your brows raise at him, "you and your charm can help me make dinner." 

"do we have to?" he whines. 

but satoru is very similar to your new puppies, in that as soon as you walk away, he follows, sniffing eagerly after you. 

*

"so," satoru says, sitting too close to you on the couch. he yawns, body sprawled against the cushions. 

you try to push his head away from your shoulder, but the effort is futile. he might as well glue it there. you wonder when he got the time to fill his brain with cement. 

you sigh, and dog-ear your book, knowing that he's not going to shut up for at least ten minutes. "what?" 

"i talked to yaga today." 

"about the books?" 

"among other things." 

you flick his forehead. "did you get us in trouble again?" you ask, frowning. "i told you to stop spilling my secrets to anyone who asks--" 

"it was an accident." 

you shake your head, rolling your eyes at him. but your hand subconsciously wraps around his shoulders, squeezing where it can, and begins to trail through his hair. 

after three years, you still haven't managed to get him to tell you anything about his conditioner. another reason why you hate him so much. 

"what'd he say?" you ask, after satoru's eyes close at the feeling of your hands. 

"he had an interesting idea." 

"was it your idea?" 

"no, not this time." 

"okay..." 

"well, you know how they're always running low on teachers at the school, especially now that yaga's principal?" 

"uh-huh." 

"and you know how we could use the help with training megumi, and that we're the best out there--" 

"no, satoru." 

"i didn't even say--" 

"i'm not teaching." 

"but you'd be so great at it," he smiles up at you, fluttering his eyelashes in an attempt to break you. 

so you look away because you refuse to fall victim to his whims again. 

"the missions are enough, i don't want to be responsible for anyone else but you and the kids." 

"you know you do." 

"i'm not doing it," you tell him, snatching your arm back to cross them across your chest. 

"it's not even that big of a change," he argues, "just, like, a very extensive year-long training program for incoming teachers--" 

*

next part | series masterlist

[2-dsimp]

I finally found time to show up😭 anyway- I need sweet hc or hcs in general about Miki- I’m a sucker for merfolk- pretty please?🥺

-🪷

Cw: Work Wifey

—————-/—————-/—

Yandere coworker who’s an absolute wildcard. He can be sporadic always bustling from place to place so he’s the type not to sit still. He’d always be ranting your ear off about his new fixations and readily cling to you like the suction of a tentacle. He’s funny without meaning to as in he’ll make the most random comment before acting like nothing happened. Getting confused when he sees people laughing when he’s genuinely trying to voice an opinion.

“What’s up with you guys? All I said was shouldn’t Dill’s pickles be called Dickles instead? It’s good for marketing no?”

Yandere Coworker that can be classified as a himbo from how dense he could be at times. Especially when it comes to utilizing human appliances since he originated from the sea. Where he was used to eating raw meats like fish amongst other things he came across while hunting for a meal.

“Work wifey help meee! I think the macrowave thingy is trying to pick a fight with me! What’s it beeping so aggressively for?! Do I need to make an offering or something to appease it?”

Yandere Coworker who’s trying his best to adapt to the human world of civilization. By sticking to you like glue since you were the first to reach out to him and guide him in on the customs. While the others were hesitant at first seeing how peculiar he was. And in the process he’s learned of many terms his favorite being work wifey since he’d always think of you.

Yandere Coworker that Oftentimes reminds others of a shark pup just staring longingly outside the window pane of the office. Waiting for his owner to return, as some coworkers of his joked. But the majority felt bad since they know he’s the type to wear his heart on his sleeve. So they mainly mess with him just to get him to focus on other things. Rather than his lonesomeness without his precious work wife support.

“Cmon you sea guppy don’t you’ve got some errands to run?”

“Errands…? My work wife always liked to run errands. Says that it’s fun to get out rather than be cooped up in the office all day”

“Bro, they’ll come soon it’s not time for them to clock in yet. Since they’re coming in late remember?”

“…Huh? My bad I spaced out, I was thinking about my work wife”

The coworkers collectively facepalm and groan at his inherent neediness for you. And can only pray for you to return so that their newly appointed manager starts working his magic in the sales pitch department. Since they need his expertise in managing to clutch deals with some key figures who happened to like his quirky charms and foolhardy honest aptitude.

[gafurtle]

Let's talk about how similar ART & Miki are

Yes, ART is a super-intelligent space ship and Miki is a humanform bot that uses emojis in chat, but they actually have a lot in common.

It started when I was thinking about how both ART & Miki lay claim to friendship with MB long before it's willing to reciprocate--and in a manner MB finds inherently repulsive.

Like, ART threatens MB with its overpoweringly superior processing power, then they watch TV together, and then ART is like, "We're friends now. I don't understand why you won't let me help you," a sentiment MB responds to with the equivalent of "?!??!" because since when were they friends???

Meanwhile Miki IMMEDIATELY decides that it and MB are friends because Miki is friends with everyone--its humans, the random construct who starting talking to it out of nowhere...it's all the same to Miki (so far as MB knows). Again, this sentiment deeply bothers MB, as of course they aren't friends and could never be friends.

So that's the similarity I started with, but then I kept thinking.

ART & Miki both have a much different relationship with humans than MB has ever had. ART loves its crew and in fact, loves them so much that it can barely watch fictional media that depicts harm coming to space ships or their crew. ART at least knows that humans *can* be cruel, because it knows corporates, but I've never had the sense that ART itself has ever been mistreated by its crew or even forced to do something it doesn't want to do. Miki has never been mistreated or lied to by humans, and so has an inherent love and trust for humans. MB, of course, has always been ignored, feared, or tortured by humans and so resists the idea of humans being its "crew" or its "friends" the way ART & Miki claim is possible.

Also, ART & Miki both love their function. ART loves exploring space and protecting its crew, and finds it hard to believe that a construct like MB could dislike its function. Miki likes exploring and helping and hanging out with humans. MB is at best able to say that it likes "parts" of its functions. Of course, one difference is that MB agrees that ART's function is awesome, whereas MB thinks of Miki as just a "pet bot." But even so, ART & Miki both love their day jobs and MB is both baffled and jealous.

And of course, both ART & Miki end up betraying MB. When MB realizes that ART deliberately got it and its humans kidnapped, MB is furious and hurt and tries real hard to give ART the silent treatment. When Miki tells Don Abene that MB is "Rin," MB refuses to talk to Miki for the rest of their time together. ART & Miki both do the thing that MB is always afraid of--they let what the humans want or need take precedence and don't care what the effect on MB will be.

MB eventually forgives ART. Do we think it would have forgiven Miki, if they had had longer?

[deaddovedecadence]

Title: The Tsumiki years

Summery: it wasn't always just you, Your Father and Megumi. Once there were four (a prologue for the Dad! Gojou verse that doesn't have a name, and if you want more of it, check out my #demon mode tag)

Warning(s): possessive behavior, parentification, dead dove do not eat, this is pretty tame actually, belittling.

Request(s): none

When you were young you didn't have the words for what Gojou your father did to you. Sometimes when you think about telling people, even though you know it'd get them killed or hurt or something worse then any of that, you still don't have the words.

He brought Megumi and Tsumiki to you maybe a few something after you were taken. You're not sure. Barely remember them coming (liar).

"Hello?" A warm little voice says, "are you alright?" You shake your head wildly, and the voice hums. "Can you look at me? It's rude not to look at people when they're talking to you. You know that. He's told you a couple times.

You look away from the couch only to see a girl with pretty blue eyes staring at you with something you don't know. "Why are you crying?" She asks, edging her way into the narrow spot behind the couch. There's a boy behind her, watching you with green, green, eyes. You don't want to look at him, reminds you too much of Him.

Once the girl is close, she takes your hand from your person, half humming a lullaby. "I don't know why you're sad but maybe if you come out, you'll feel better." You won't, you know that but you follow th girl anyways, keeping a hand tucked in hers.

He's waiting for you outside of the couch area, clearly amused with your rebellion. "This is Tsumiki," He introduces the girl, "and Megumi," the boy. He's got a weird name for a boy. You tell him so. He looks pissed for a moment before the now named Tsumiki scolds you. "Not nice. He can't choose his name you know." With that she walks away, the one named Megumi, right on her heels.

Somehow you feel bad, like you shouldn't have done it. She reminds you of your mom, warm and stern and something a little bit scary. "I explained to Tsumiki and Megumi that you're still adjusting here, that I only adopted you recently and to give you a little bit of space." He says softly, "They will tell me if you run away sweetie." You hate pet names, they make you want to scream. He doesn't seem to care.

You were so naive them, actually thought that he was lying. You know better know. Megumi has always been on your father's side and when she was... here , so was Tsumiki.

There were good times, and you know that. Know that Tsumiki wanted you to be happy with them and sometimes you think she could have understood. That's not to say that there weren't good times, there were but somehow your father always managed to ruin them.

"Miki that isn't how you do it!" you snap, tugging the doll away from her. You've always liked to create, to do fashion and you've been trying to show her what you like to do.

Your Father (not dad, never dad even little you knows better then that) keeps you in dolls and gets you new things for them when he says you've been good. Tsumiki likes to play with you but you don't know how to explain to her that she doesn't do it right, that house has a mom and a dad and not just a dad and siblings.

Megumi doesn't like to play at all but he'll watch sometimes or sit near with his dogs. He's gotten good at manifesting them, something that you aren't allowed to do. Your Father says that you are too weak, too soft to ever use the cursed energy that you know you have because you can make flowers grow and wilt whereas Tsumiki can only see, not use. She doesn't seem to mind though, likes watching, and somehow even bosses your father around. She's big and strong.

Your Father walks in just as you've managed to convince Tsumiki that a mom is important, even though she thinks that moms are silly. They're aren't lots of things that Miki thinks are silly but when she does there isn't any telling her anything else. "What's going on here?" He asks, and Megumi looks away from his dogs, says "They're trying to decide if you need a mom for house." Your Father hums, and takes a doll away, and says, "Mom's don't do anything. That's why we have older sisters." Tsumiki beams and you feel... sad. Moms are important but maybe they aren't as important as sisters?

Tsumiki ran the house with a gentle iron fist and by the time you and Megumi were ten even Your Father was listening to her. Like cleaning day. You still feel... something when you think about cleaning day.

Tsumiki wakes everyone up in the early morning, Megumi following at her side. As much as the two of them argue, he's always at her side, glaring at the shadows when they get too rowdy which doesn't happen very often. Megumi is strict with his shadows (with you). There's a knock at the door and Tsumiki goes to answer it.

"Satoru-san," Tsumiki trills and your blood goes cold, "You remembered that it's cleaning day!" There are supplies in his hands and a splatter of blood on his face. Tsumiki doesn't seem to care.

She tried to reason it out once, explained to you that the people your Father kills aren't Family so it doesn't really matter in the long run, not to someone who's been raised by assassins and killers her whole life. You are glad to this day that you never forgot the Before.

Your Father smiles at Tsumiki and runs gentle fingers through her hair. "You've been reminding everyone since Monday," he says and he's so much gentler with Tsumiki and Megumi then you, never makes them feel worthless and weak even though you have more cursed energy then Tsumiki.

"I have," She says, "because I can't let you run away from helping". Your Father snorts, and watches for Megumi who's slinked over and is looking at him with a critical eye. "You're going to get blood on Miki's carpet. Go wash up." It's funny to watch the man who took everything (what did you even have before him? Don't you belong here? what happened to you?) get bossed around by someone exactly your age (it doesn't feel that way. Megumi isn't a child but he is a threat).

Your Father ruffles Megumi's hair and he snaps at him with teeth. Megumi's teeth are a little too sharp to be human teeth. You shudder. He notices, gives you an itty bitty little smile.

"You leave my baby alone Satoru." Tsumiki says lightly, the only person that Satoru even really thinks about listening to, and all of you get to cleaning.

You tackle the cabinets and it's kind of soothing, to do something that you can't be criticized for.

Megumi cleans the living room, using his shadows to wipe the places he can't get to. You like watching him, especially when he's happy like this.

Tsumiki does laundry, pile after pile get folded by her sure, steady hands, the same ones that chop up dinner every night, (the same ones that follow Your Father's instructions), the same ones that tuck you in to this day, humming a lullaby as you fall asleep.

Your Father cleans the bedrooms, mostly his because Tsumiki insists that yours needs to be clean and Megumi is a neat freak on his own, thankfully for everyone because he can tsumiki share a bedroom.

No one but the four of you are aloud here. Tsumiki likes it clean anyways, says that it's good to have a clean mind for a steady soul. You want it to be Monday already, you like school even if Megumi is in your class and no one wants to talk to you cause he's so scary.

You miss Tsumiki, for a lot of reasons.

Now as you stare blankly at the cell that contains you, you wish she was here to talk sense into everyone.

[n2nataliegoodman]

Shiori during the Black Rose arc has always greatly intrigued me because while all the others follow a fairly similar formula, she is the only one that completely diverges.

Kanae, Kozue, Mitsuru, Wakaba, and Keiko are all fairly similar in their motives; they love their respective members of the student council, but their love cannot be reciprocated (Akio’s distorted love being focused only on Anthy, Miki being her brother, Nanami seeing Mitsuru as a child, Saionji being a gay who is misogynistic and only really cares about Touga, and Touga being a misogynist who is probably gay and has Nanami chasing most girls away from her brother). All of their relationships are doomed to an unhappy ending.

Likewise, this is why Tatsuya (the onion prince) is turned away by Mikage. His and Wakaba’s story can have a happy ending if they’re honest with each other. Their story doesn’t have to be a tragedy.

Now, Shiori is different. For all of the brides, they have romantic feelings for their student council member (Kozue is a little bit of a slippery slope with this because she probably wants a normal sibling relationship but doesn’t realise it?) and want love from them that the member is incapable of giving.

For Shiori and Juri, if we take Shiori’s words as fact, their story is the opposite. Juri is the one with the doomed love that Shiori is incapable of reciprocating. Now, we as the audience know this is definitely not the case. Shiori very clearly has feelings for Juri, but she’s so caught up in her inferiority complex and the heteronormativity of the world they live in that she is unable to admit that to herself.

But again, this sets Shiori and Juri’s story apart. They both feel the same. Their story is not doomed be a tragedy from the start like all the others. Don’t get me wrong, they would have to do a lot of work to make their relationship work, but it’s not impossible.

I think this is why their ending during the finale is also so different. For all of the other Black Rose brides (save for Kanae because, you know, she’s presumed dead) they’ve gained space from the people they were so obsessed with. Mitsuru is hanging around Miki rather than sticking to and following the orders of Nanami; Kozue is letting someone else get close to her brother; we don’t see much of Keiko at the end, but presumably she’s no longer chasing after Touga or living under Nanami’s shadow as we see her with Aiko and Yuuko; and Wakaba has moved on to her onion prince.

But because Shiori and Juri’s relationship isn’t doomed to be a tragedy from the start, they seem to have actually gotten closer. While all the others grew apart to have a more healthy relationship, Juri and Shiori have grown closer to have a more healthy relationship.

I’d like to think that means that they’ll have a happy ending together once they work through their issues.

[heartslobbf]

[ID: fifteen shots from 'revolutionary girl utena' with black text on a white background edited over them. the first is of utena sitting in the planetarium, which is subsumed in darkness. behind her is the coffin she hid in as a child. text reads: 'time is so central that i forget about it.'

the second is of miki handing kozue the letter from their mother. text reads: 'i like postcards because they move through time and space.'

the third is of nanami sitting pensively in front of a cello and music stand. text reads: 'music, film, and writing move in time, beat by beat.'

the fourth is of utena and anthy standing beneath the projector, posing for a photo. text reads: 'photographs, sculptures, and architecture happen all at once,'

the fifth is of a dining table in front of nemuro memorial hall. the white tablecloth endlessly extends off the right side of the frame. text reads: 'though we experience them through time, revisiting them, moving arund and through them.'

the sixth is a close-up of the fourth shot. text reads: 'we document to share with the future.'

the seventh is of akio's dining table standing empty, whilst a red rose spins in the top right corner. text reads: 'we benefit from all the previous documents.'

the eighth is of utena prying open anthy's coffin, crying out to her. text reads: 'we say, "i was in this room once.'

the ninth is of baby utena curled up on a bed of roses, her eyes barely open and expression somber. text reads: 'it is a difficult room.'

the tenth is of utena's bloody hand reaching desperately out to anthy. text reads: 'i left this on the table for you. i hope it helps."'

the eleventh is of anthy staring up at utena, weeping freely. text reads: 'it's so obvious it's terrifying.'

the twelfth is a row of girls' shadows, changing behind a curtain. text reads: 'whoever you are, reading this interview, it would have been nice to meet you'

the thirteenth is of anthy standing in her pink outfit at the gates of ohtori, looking back at the tower. text reads: 'but i couldn't wait,'

the fourteenth is of a framed picture of utena and anthy. akio has been cropped out. there is a pink rose frame around the shot. text reads: 'i had to move on,'

the fifteenth is a close-up of the same photo with the same pink rose frame. utena and anthy are tentatively holding hands. text reads: 'i am already so far away.' /end ID]

richard siken, excerpt from the need for making / revolutionary girl utena (1997)

[happilychee]

songs I associate with fairy tail characters but it gets more and more random pt. 1

lucy heartfilia -> space girl by frances forever

lucy's not a full space girl but. celestial spirit keys and all. also this song is so gd cute and lucy is gd cute

cana alberona -> the cult of dionysus by the orion experience

I think this one's pretty self-explanatory. cana is the life of any party. this song could also go for the guild as a whole.

loke -> hello kitty by avril lavigne

this is pure vibes and also because loke is a kitty.

juvia lockser -> stay with me by matsubara miki

this one is also vibes but softer vibes. I think juvia really likes older, almost jazzy music. she especially loves dancing to it while she bakes for her friends :]

gajeel redfox -> the devil went down to georgia by the charlie daniels band

listen. if there's one man who has the audacity to challenge the devil himself to a fiddle contest, it's gajeel redfox.

sting eucliffe -> ievan polkka by loituma

he knows this song by heart, and he can sing it. his voice is so pretty, and you get lost in it. you have no idea what he's saying, but you agree.

mirajane strauss -> chokehold cherry python by ashnikko

I wholeheartedly believe that mira listens to the loudest, heaviest music in existence with the sweetest smile on her face.

wendy marvell -> the gummy bear song by gummibär

weird kid wendy is one of my favorite headcanons. she is so so sweet and kind and she will be so earnest while telling you about the hidden dark lore of the gummy bear song. also probably listens to nightcore.

[swimsauce]

I think my biggest gripe(not really a gripe just like an area of interest tbh) with the Murderbot Diaries is that it doesn't really focus on the bots enough. In the MBD universe, there are basically 3 different varieties of sapience. You got the humans/altered humans(organic and organic with mechanics), bots (mechanical) or constructs (organic and mechanical combo). The series has Murderbot, a construct, be out pov character, and them being a combo of both bot and human parts gives the perspective (and isolation) from the two main groups. We spend a lot of time with humans, which is fair, they are the reason bots and constructs exist in the state the do and are the dominant force in their society. But I wanna know more about bot culture. MB’s interactions with only bot culture has been relatively limited, the only time they were around a mainly bot group was with the loader bots on Perseverance. Perseverance, while much more progressive on bots/construct freedoms is still limited because bots/constructs must still have a guardian human to preside over them(i know they were trying to make a change to that rule but it isn't really expanded on if it changed or not). Now I do feel like the universe has shown how bots having rather diverse and interesting perspectives and lives, from ART who is so above other humans and bots it is kind of isolated from other bots of its kind, to Miki who seemed to have a human family and was not familiar with other bots. 

I really like how MBD handles sentience, from our perspective as the readers and parsing through MB’s pov, we know that bots,constructs and humans are all sentient beings, however how they view the world differently. And for a narrative about what it means to be “human”, that is neat. I think that's an interesting answer to the continuous sci fi dilemma of “can a robot be sentient”. The answer is yes, it's just gonna be different than a human's view of the world, and their roles and wants/needs will be different and that's ok. Bots in the MBD universe are in such a precarious position, with their sentience consistently in limbo and always able to have their agency taken away. It's such a sad and demeaning position that they are in with the current CR control and human dominated society that will always have the final say over how bots can operate. I would like to see more of the bot side. Maybe like an exploration of more bot experiences in the future. Like how are other rogue bots out there doing? Are there like little robot enclaves or societies outside of the human dominance we have seen them under? I guess I wanna see a story about that and how MB would feel about it, to be not just free from their oppressive systems of the CR, but also in a space that doesn't have humans. How would it be similar and/or different to living in a human dominated society? How as a construct would they fit in or stick out? 

[aeon-yao]

stay with me. (reader/wanderer)

summary: he didn't care one bit if anyone decided to leave, but your sudden separation with him made rain pour in his non-existent heart.

disclaimers: angst with NO comfort, wanderer and reader are exes, reader is an akademiya scholar, grammar may be inconsistent, melancholic puppet trying to hide his feelings. gender-neutral reader(might be referred to as "you" but generally referred to as they/them) may not be close to canon.

notes: my first writing! hope the readers like it<3 NOT PROOFREAD. song inspo is stay with me - miki matsubara

https://open.spotify.com/track/2BHj31ufdEqVK5CkYDp9mA?si=COlFlR5GQ429wJ0GWqE9cg

"hey wanderer! i heard you and [name] broke up..."

PROLOGUE.

"did you and [name] stop dating?"

"you two were so cool together! why did you leave them?"

that's all the puppet hears — it's been like this for the past few days.

IT'S ALWAYS BEEN YOU.

you've never left his mind ever since that day, when you decided that you couldn't carry on with the relationship.

it's true, the both of you aced your theses together, you shared your victories with each other, you even shared a bedroom.

it's just.. wanderer didn't expect to be alone tonight.

from what he can remember, you were always there taking up his side of the bed. giggling at his pouts and insulting remarks. and by the time the two of you were tired, you'd end up cuddling under the sheets, gently basking in each other's warmth under the glazing moonlight reflected by your window.

his eyes would soften whenever he saw your slumbering appearance, glowing under the stream of the risen sun. he thought about a long time ago when you broke his meanand complex behavior, treating him so normally and smiling despite the offensive things he said in an attempt to make you go away.

THE DISTANT PAST.

"good afternoon, wanderer! i suppose you are doing well? after you do that, wanna eat some..ASFXDJSZ..." he spaced out as he gazed into your eyes — they were filled with sincerity and calmness.

you poked him on the cheek and he snapped back, realizing what he just did and looked away with a flustered expression. "know your place and l-leave, you annoying thing." what's this feeling brewing up in him? you truly were annoying, it's just.. he couldn't tell if this was wrath, shame, or something simply gentler than those heavy emotions.

most scholars in the akademiya campus were more afraid of him when it came to group theses, they sometimes didn't try to object to his ideas so he didn't react sternly. but you? you had the audacity to go against some of them and you..well, you kinda made a few good points.

but he didn't try and stir an argument, unless he wanted to alert nahida he was being stubborn.

you were brighter than the sun.. and sweeter than dango itself. the other scholars were fond of you due to your diligence and perseverance.

wanderer liked your determined spirit and seldom slipped you into debates with him so he could keep hearing you. you truly enjoyed those times with him as you thought it was his way of spending time. you didn't mind at all.

during your final debate with him as the opposing team..

he usually kept on his cold and superior facade for you and the other scholars. interestingly enough, despite your sweetness — he still took a bite.

bang. he went speechless after your turn. it really felt like his teeth were fusing together. or was it a love arrow that pierced his chest? is it not the way you stopped being annoying to him and let your smiles swarm his thoughts?

no, there was no way he was falling for some idiotic scholar trying to fight him. he couldn't have started to like your courageous attitude. was this a curse?!

but ah, after a while.. he let you have your victory, and he tried to process those disruptive feelings. - he concluded that you already turned him into a soft mess a long time ago when he was supposed to be tougher than that. how..pathetic of you, or was it him?

then all things passed by as you two eventually agreed to be together. he finally allowed himself to bask in your affection and endearment. trying not to show any signs of a stupid smile appearing. but of course - you often saw the corners of his lips curl upwards when you went out with him multiple times to at least get an adorable grin from his face. he thought you couldn't notice.

THE RAIN

"i-im sorry, wanderer..but, we can't be together anymore." you let those insufferable words fall right out of your lips — causing wanderer's confident mood to falter. he felt himself descend into a rabbit hole of panic. it felt like a bottomless void to him, until he hit the ground, which was the realization.

his whole being quivered, trying to process and register your words. "wh—what? wait, seriously [name]..?!" his eyes were widened. he prayed this would never happen.

"it's just.. im getting busier and everything, i don't know where we're going with this relationship anymore. and i have so much to achieve...-" your voice faded from the scene as he spaced out in fear. no, what were you talking about? he thought things were going well but, perhaps there were some ripped holes he didn't notice.

but how could you do this? you already softened his demeanor and received 10x his approval. you even made him feel like he actually a heart! - and you just had to shatter it.

"ill be back soon to pack my things...im sorry." you apologized under your breath fighting the tears that were threatening to show more of your weakness. you then left the room, keeping him with his own thoughts and his void of insecurities.

at first he felt anger. it felt like you were taking advantage of this vulnerable side of him by playing with his feelings before you two started dating. he couldn't believe he let you into his life and accepted your advances. you did all of that just to leave him...

but he slowly began to accept it. from this day onward, the both of you were over. - he couldn't change it.

STAY WITH ME.

there was a glint of emptiness in his eyes. the scholars were frightened when they didn't hear him raise his voice and scold them for asking such a pointless thing.

"stuff just happened. that's all you need to know."

after all, it seems like you never wanted a heartless puppet in the first place.

@solstarz jan. 11, 2024 - thank you for reading

[clarafell]

Inside the interior of Homura’s apartment. Did Homura use any form of magic to make the inside of her apartment like that?

unprompted / always accepting!

Hello there, dear anon. I want to start off by welcoming you to my little blog. Next, I want to personally thank you for taking the time to send me such a thoughtful question. I'm always willing to answer any questions related to the franchise since Puella Magi Madoka Magica is a really big comfort for me, even if it doesn't strictly relate back to my muse. As someone who adores everything about Homura so much, getting questions relating back to her always make me really happy. I always get super excited when I receive thoughtful questions out of the blue.

Let me get this out of the way: You are not the only person to question what the heck is happening in Homura's home in the franchise. There is a lot going on in her home. It's a pity she doesn't give a tour of her home, isn't it?

But the lack of concrete knowledge on Homura's home only makes her air of mystery all the more fascinating. Many fans alike have sat and pondered the same thoughts. I'm sure that everyone has their own personal headcanons on Homura's interior home, so please don't take my personal thoughts as facts. Here is my personal take on the interior of Homura's home...

Isn't Homura's home on the outside so pretty?

Allow me to mention that the world of Puella Magi Madoka Magica is shown to be sprinkled with advancements in technology. Let's take the school, for example. The desks are shown to be built so well that the desks can retract into the floor, effectively clearing away the room with only the push of a button. Gone are the days of stacking the desks away, at least in the school that Homura attends.

The image above reveals the floor where a desk is secretly located, ready to be pulled out for the student to use. The Japanese seen on the floor reads Sayaka Miki's name, showing exactly who the desk is belongs to via the digital sign. Not only does it state the student's name, but it states that she is absent. Isn't that cool?

I believe this example of technology advancement in a public space really does speak for itself about the world. There is a popular theory on why technology is so impressive: It is a visual example of how wishes have progressed the advancement of human kind throughout history. I believe this theory to be a really easy one to understand, but it also makes plenty of sense.

As for Homura's interior room...

There is a lot to unpack, but I believe the interior of her home is a strange mixture of both technology and her magic. With that said, I do heavily lean towards the technology side. Personally? I like the balance of both worlds. Not only do I believe that technology and magic are at play, but I also believe that Homura has sought out to refurbish her home.

I have reason to believe that parts of Homura's home are holographic displays. The frames of the various illustrations in the background appear to have frames that resemble image-like tabs. Not only that, it appears that Homura has found references in her studies over Walpurgisnacht. Judging by how old Walpurgisnacht is, I assume what we are seeing on the blank wall is Homura's research.

Walpurgisnacht aside, these clusters of images on the wall do scream that there is some form of technology at play in the background.

A closer look at the various images show that the window-like frames are actually physical frames. This little detail implies that these potential holograms behave like picture displays, but only for digital photos. I believe that Homura is basically using her walls as one big monitor in order to always be looking at her research. She is taking workaholic to the next level by covering every part of her home's interior with her research.

Walpurgisnacht has taken over her life so much that Homura eliminates all of her old distractions. The image above shows just how much Homura has changed after all of this time— Her home is distant and cold and empty...

The exact opposite of Mami's home, if you think about it. Both Mami and Homura live alone, but their interior homes are so vastly different from each other. Mami's interior is welcoming and cozy, mirroring her personality. However, the moment that we lose Mami is when the warm atmosphere of her home becomes sad... Almost bittersweet. Mami's home looks more normal, showing us that all Mami wants is to block away the loneliness with as much comfort as she can.

Let us take a brief look at Homura's old interior. As you can tell by the two connected images, Homura's old style is less bizarre-looking. You spot a desk, table, couch, and even a couple of framed paintings. But nothing really screams Homura. It shows that all she cares about is having what is necessary. Not only that, but it shows that Homura is easy to adapt to whatever she can find.

Darkness covers the entire room, perhaps to foreshadow Homura's descent.

The old interior gives off a gloomy atmosphere. It still, however, looks like a home. A lonely one, yes, but still something normal. It isn't anything special, but it still has something. The fate of Homura's interior in the later timelines lack personality, looking as detached as its owner. The future look of Homura's home looks more like a witch's labyrinth, not someone's home.

I do, however, believe that Homura has reconstructed her home with the help of magic and technology. The odd-looking flames on the candles (maybe even the slowly swinging pendulum) scream that they are formed by magic. Fans have also pointed out that Homura's room looks more like a clock, easily a reference to her time manipulation magic hiding in plain sight.

As seen in the original anime, covered in a purple aura-like light, Homura has the ability to control large objects with her magic. While this might be only for weapons, it still shows that Homura can use magic on physical objects. With this in mind, it could be possible for Homura to redecorate with her magic when her technology cannot do the trick.

Overall, I love the changes that we see in Homura's home. I am hoping to be able to see more of Homura's home in the upcoming movie, Walpurgisnacht Rising. I love seeing Madoka or Mami's homes, but I would love to see more of Homura's life.

It's interesting that Rebellion doesn't feature Homura's home, even though the witch behind that impressive labyrinth is actually Homura herself. The lack of a home really does show that Homura doesn't give a second thought about her home. Homura is anywhere but inside her empty home, even within her labyrinth...

It's almost a little sad, actually.

With that said, I hope to see more of Homura's home again!

[specialagentartemis]

Having listened to the Graphic Audio full-cast audobook for All Systems Red, it was fun but I have some thoughts about the voice acting and direction. So now I’m just daydreaming about “if I had Billionaire Money I would buy the audio rights to TMBD and direct and produce another full cast audio version with voice actors handpicked and paid lavishly by Me.”

The cast being:

All Systems Red:

Murderbot: Kevin R. Free is the voice of Murderbot to a lot of people. I would think very hard about this but it would be a foundational return to form. However I feel like I want to reach out and find a non-binary VA because it's a niche that's been tragically underrepresented in Murderbot VAs. I joked before about Vico Ortiz playing live-action Murderbot but do they want to try their hand at voice acting?

Mensah: Cecilia Lynn-Jacobs. Voices Captain Lovelace on Wolf 359. Has incredible talent and range and does the Intrepid Galactic Explorer so well.

Pin-Lee: Emily Woo Zeller. An audiobook narrator I've consistently liked.

Ratthi: Stephen Dookie. He plays the part of Polites in Epic: The Musical and he's excellent in a very sweet, upbeat, friendly way.

Gurathin: Sungwon "ProZD" Cho. I'm picturing somewhere in the range of his Miles Edgeworth voice for this.

Arada: Michelle "Vixy" Dockrey. She's a singer not a VA but her voice sounds so nice.

Overse: Tanja Milojevic. Her range is incredible.

Bharadwaj: Rukhmani Desai (Captain Tripathi, The Strange Case of Starship Iris. She has that calm, reasonable, rational, desperately kind character voice she plays well in Starship Iris that I think would go well for Bharadwaj)

Volescu: Zach Valenti. The vibes are right.

Additional voices by Tanja Milojevic and Zach Valenti. Yes all of them.

Artificial Condition:

ART: Janelle Monáe and I mean it

Tapan: ItMe of InCo Podcast

The ComfortUnit: also ItMe because an important part of listening to faer acting is realizing in awe how fae voices so many characters at once and make them all sound distinct.

Tlacey: kinda thinking Ariela Rotenberg. she does smugly confidently evil very well. However we cannot discount casting ItMe for this role also

Additional voices by Tanja Milojevic and Zach Valenti.

Rogue Protocol:

Don Abene: Emma Sherr-Ziarko. She also deserves to be an intrepid space leader again.

Miki: ItMe again in InCo Season 2 Updated SAWA mode

Wilken: me. I want a part. I could totally be a badass evil space assassin

Gerth: does Gerth even have any lines.

Additional voices by Tanja Milojevic and Zach Valenti.

Exit Strategy:

Serrat: Zach Libresco. this casting + Janelle Monáe as ART were what drove me to make this post in the first place.

The Combat SecUnit: Ellen McLain in GLaDOS mode. All 2 lines it has.

Network Effect:

Amena: Ishani Kanetkar (The Strange Case of Starship Iris, The Godshead Incidental, excellent VA for a proud and curious but scared young person)

Iris: Jordan Cobb (Janus Descending, Primordial Deep, excellent VA for a gritted-teeth calm scientist in a strange and dangerous place)

Seth: Avery Brooks (I know it is not the 90s anymore. but. Captain Sisko. I can imagine <3 )

Martyn: Alexander Siddig / Siddig El-Fadil (Dr. Bashir). They're TV actors but! I want them as the Ship Captain Husbands

The rest of ART's crew: other podcast VAs I love who I haven't come up with a role for yet. Kristen DiMercurio, Beth Eyre, James Oliva.

Supervisor Leonide: Claudia Christian (Commander Ivanova on Babylon 5 <333 )

Eletra: Michaela Swee who is very busy working at An Actual Hospital but I have a billion dollars in this dream scenario so I can pay her to take a day and record like 4 lines

Ras: Zach Valenti. This is very important.

Three: Jackie Andrews who plays R. J. McCabe on Starship Iris and Elinor Lopez on The Pasithea Powder has the right Vibes For This

Zach Valenti as the Additional Voice of every goon and target who gets the shit scared out of them and/or dies.

Fugitive Telemetry:

Indah: Molly Olguin maybe. she could Be Indah. Absolutely means we need Jackie Hedeman to have a role in FT too.

Tifany: Michelle Agresti (Wolf 359, Arden)

Aylen: Tracey Sayed (also Arden)

Jollybaby, Tellus, Balin: I would open the floor to the delightful Murderbot fandom. Who wants to voice a Preservation bot

Additional voices by--well you know the drill.

[demondwellersword]

holding on to our little moment, i’ll never forget it as long as i live.

vash the stampede x gn!reader

warnings: angst, takes place before the end of trigun stampede but may contain mild spoilers

notes: (the title is actually lyrics from stay with me (mayonaka no door) by miki matsubara. i thought it was a good fit for the fic.) i’m out to hurt my feelings with this one tonight y’all

Home was not a place to Vash the Stampede, it was a person.

You.

No matter where he ran you were always right there beside him, and it was a fact he allowed himself to take solace in. But fear was an ever present nip at Vash’s heels—fear that he would run somewhere you couldn’t follow, fear that Nai would take you away from him too. So Vash made a compromise: you could stay, but you could never know. Because as long as you never knew that Vash loved you, no one could hurt you, right?

But you saw it differently. You saw it as Vash pushing you away every time you got too close, always keeping you at arm’s length. You guessed you were only ever meant to be a companion, something a little better at conversation than a dog. The pain of it stabbed at you if you thought about it too long; the exact same way that it did tonight.

You had set up your tent but couldn’t sleep, the pallet beside you as empty as ever. You’d been tossing and turning to no avail, always just as awake as you had been five minutes ago. You sighed and pulled on your jacket, shivering against the cold breeze that rolled through the tent when you opened the flap.

You could see Vash sitting on one of the small dunes nearby, staring off into the distance. You chewed at your lip. A question burned in the back of your mind, leaving behind footprints in the sand as it led you to where Vash sat. You eased yourself into the sand, dusting it off your hands as you settled into place.

“Do you even want me with you anymore?” You blurted out, watching Vash startle and scramble to refute your question.

“What? Of course not! Why would you ever think something like that, (Name)?”

“Every time I try to get to know you beyond the most basic information you always blow me off with some half assed answer.” You huff out a breath, pulling your knees up toward your chest. “You always introduce me to people as your friend, but I barely know you, Vash.”

Vash turned his gaze away from you, looking down at the hands that rested on his knees through the space between them. “You’re right. And I’m sorry for that. But…it’s for your own good.”

Tears pricked at your eyes. “For my own good?! Vash, we’ve been traveling together for over a year now! I’ve been shot at, stabbed, damn near blown up, and you think I can’t handle knowing something as simple as your last name?”

“Don’t have one.”

You were too mad for this to give you true pause, but it did cause a quizzical look to pass over your face. “I’d rather know you don’t want me around than to stay here and pretend like you do! You seem like you’d be much happier without me here, so just go ahead and tell me to leave!”

Vash kept on looking out into the distance, his turquoise eyes slowly shutting as he softly uttered, “I don’t deserve to be happy. And I shouldn’t be keeping you from being happy either.”

You felt as if you’d been gutted. All you could do was stare at Vash, swallowing back tears with all your might. “You….you can’t mean that.”

“It’s true. Because of me you’re going to have to leave too. I just…don’t want it to be because you got killed. I couldn’t live knowing I could’ve stopped it.”

“Vash…”

Vash finally turned to look at you, his tears glittering like stars in the pale blue moonlight. “I can’t lose you, (Name). I…I love you.”

You couldn’t hold your tears back any longer. You sobbed into the silent night, the full impact of Vash’s words hitting you at once. You didn’t know what Vash was really running from, and you doubted you ever would, but you knew now more than ever that you were going to keep on running with him. As long as it took, as fast as your legs could carry you. You’d be there. And when the time came to finally face it, you’d be there too. You had to be. Because you loved Vash too, and no force on any planet could change that.

“I’ve been so scared of how things would end, I never really let them start,” Vash admitted, “but I can’t keep running forever. Not from this, at least.”

You reached over and took Vash’s hand in yours.

“I’m real sorry I put you through all of this. You didn’t deserve it.”

“Thank you, Vash.”

“Do you still want to keep going with me? I understand if you don’t.”

You shifted closer to Vash and rested your head on his shoulder, enveloping yourself in the scent of gunpowder and metal that always lingered on him. “I never want to leave you, Vash. Not if I can help it, at least.”

Vash leaned his head against yours, a soft smile stretching across his face. Maybe it was okay, letting you in. Maybe it would all blow up in his face someday, but he hoped you’d still make it out with him to the other side. He vowed then and there that he would always protect you, and that you would be the one thing Knives couldn’t take away.

“I was hoping you’d say that.”

[tippenfunkaport]

The shush of water. Behind that, the hum of the spaceship. The only sounds in the dark besides their own quickened breathing and the blood rushing in his ears.  What just happened? It felt so right in the moment, but the longer this heavy silence went on, the longer Glimmer stayed frozen against his chest like she was trying to play dead, the more he was afraid it was a bad thing.  

Going There chapter 24 is up! That's all I'm gonna say about that. 😏😉

I would say this is the chapter you've all been waiting for, but I don't know your wants. But is the chapter I have been waiting for, so there's that.

Shout out to the awesome @billyboymiki who made this art for me nearly A FULL YEAR AGO because, at the time, this was the next chapter I was going to post. Except then I decided to completely rearrange and rewrite the entire space section, move everything around, which is why we are only getting to this part now.

Sorry, Miki, for making you wait a zillion years before I posted this! Writers are very annoying, I don't know what to tell you. But the art is perfect and I love it!

Everyone else, please go read the chapter and feel free to scream at me in the comments or on the platform of your choice!