#and like i’ve told them a lot like pls ask if u have questions abt data collection and the spreadsheet i am more than happy to answer any qs

[bp-zb1fics]

which zb1 member would be which Disney prince,, I'm curious 🎤

Not cherrie giving me the best questions to answer 💜💜💜 when it’s literally 6am and my insomnia won’t leave me alone 😭

On principle, I find Disney’s portrayal of the princes as very shallow and gender-norm enforcing (i’m sorry I feel very strongly abt this😅) we are not fans so instead I’d probably go for what Disney princess movie fits the vibe of which member when I assign them to princes. I’m also going to be rewriting that movie as I go, sorry in advance to the purists

Pls note I’ve not great at headcanons and indecisive as hell so here we go ~

Jiwoong: The Beast/Prince Adam

If this man could play a Prince in a drama, this is the kind of content I’d pay for

Just like my hogwarts headcanon, man probably invited the sorceress to dinner and asked to be turned into a beast because everyone just liked his face

And he thought he’d be better off if someone liked his personality

Yes he asks for his servants to be turned into furniture for shit and giggles but not like permanently, maybe they all go back to normal at night

reader wonders why he always insist not that they don’t go to the west wing at night. It’s not just the rose but that’s where he and the servants go to like chill and be their human selves (this is getting a little Cupid and psyche lol)

Hao: Prince Eric (The Little Mermaid)

Just the scene of him playing his violin and mer reader listening from a distance

Sometimes they sing along while Hao is playing and Hao is like woah who dat

They probably met as kids and he gave mer reader his old violin because they were curious

Definitely have it displayed in the center of their collection

Wants to be human to hear Hao play more

Hanbin: Prince Charming (Cinderella)

If this man isn’t Prince Charming, idk who is, do not argue with me

Does not have a shoe fetish

Definitely remembers reader’s face, he just wants to return their shoe bruh

And maybe ask reader out idk, not marry them right away

Just imagine dancing with Hanbin to “So this is love” and tell me u aren’t soft

Matthew: Aladdin

For the record, the genie in that lamp would probably be Keita bc he’s been training for 10,000 years (jk)

Watch me cast the whole KTL team (except Hao idk unless we want crossover)

There’s Matthew and there’s Seok Woohyun, don’t tell me he doesn’t think those are two diff people

Just…Matthew singing a Whole New World is a song cover I didn’t think I needed until now pls and thanks

Taerae: Snow White’s Prince

For all the OG Disney fans, you know that one scene where Snow White’s singing by the well and the Prince fucking jump scares her by singing back

Yes that’s Taerae, man will take the opportunity and he has a guitar

yes he will bring the guitar

Once again watch me cast all the Wake One trainees (K+ G) and Junhyeon as the seven dwarves friends who help reader out

Ricky: Prince Naveen (Princess and the Frog)

I’m sorry my eternal headcanon is spoiled Prince Ricky and reader who puts him in his place

Would probably be a bit more sus of this voodoo man turning him into a frog

It’s probably not even a villain, it’s one of the Yuehuaz who happens to know voodoo being like oh you know what would be rlly fucking funny

He gets his whole character development arc and becomes a better young and rich, tall and handsome Prince that’s totally down bad for reader

Gyuvin: Flynn Rider (Rapunzel’s Tangled)

This man steals hearts everywhere he goes (I mean he won every challenge yo)

A lot goofy like they told him during the sleepover, he’s lucky he’s got a nice face

I haven’t got that much for this one

But energy is the same

Gunwook: Captain Shang (Mulan)

He is a leader (class pres/vice pres every year anyone?)

Dude literally takes forever to realize that reader isn’t supposed to be there (literally the en garde hidden cam)

Casting the three other Jellyfish trainees as the soldiers yo

He’s slay “Be a Man” even if I dislike the title of that song, it’s hella catchy

Yujin: Prince Philip (Sleeping Beauty)

He’s a baby YALL pls

Shy, literally just watching reader do their thing in the forest like how this boi literally watched taerae the whole signal song filming (pls see zb1’s bp commentary for red)

He’s not slaying dragons just yet but he be slaying my heart with Noona saranghaeyo

Gives reader an innocent lil peck and they wake up

Maybe it isn’t true loves kiss just yet, more like boy with pure intentions bc literally that’s equally hard to find

Ok thanks for coming to my TED talk and thanks cherrie for this very lovely question. Y’all need to keep asking me more stuff like that very much please and thanks in advance 💜💜💜

[maiverie]

🧀 anon joining the CIA as in Central Intelligence Agency??? 😲

AND NO‼️here we do not apologize for prioritizing our mental health and other things in life !! actually when i pressed "sent" my internet was cut off so i was kinda scared my ask was deleted/ u didn't receive it 😵

i live in vietnam !! (also for the record i didn't know u live in australia until i scrolled a bit 😗) AND NOOO UR VIET IS FINE! (most of the media i watch/ read is in english + limited social interactions so my viet is just tragic... and i literally live in the country🧍‍♀️(the "i'm turning into a white woman" audio is literally me 😭) like can u believe i only know abt the new slangs and all after downloading tiktok (DAWG THIS IS EMBARRASSING 😭😭)

TYSM cuz some of the majors i might aim for has literature in it and well over the years i've considered literature my #1 enemy... (it's literally a joke/ univeral knowledge in my family (+extended) 🥲) UR ADVICE WASN'T IRRELEVANT ‼️‼️ IT'S ACTUALLY USEFUL FOR PART 1 IN THE TESTS (where they gave you part of a poem/ a paragraph and ask you to analyze the method and ur thoughts on the message)

mùa thu ở đây mát với trời mây mây, đỡ nắng còn mùa hè ở thành phố em thì nắng nóng ko chịu nỗi luôn, mùa đông mà tối đi á gió nhiều, có mấy bữa em bệnh chỉ vì thời tiết đó 🫠

enhypen. that's it. that's the thought cuz 😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫 (heeseung singing despacito got me 😳)

à chị cũng đừng cảm thức áp lực về việc inactive/ active trên đây hay viết truyện nha, để tránh bị burnout/ mất động lực á 💝 (im sorry if this sounds like im forcing u 😭😭 i don't know how to word it but i hope u get what i mean 🫶🫶🫶)

- em anon ☆

EXACTLYYYY im like ?? HUH??? CIA ???!!$&@

also yep i’m in australia rn 😭😭 which means i’m far away from everything 😟💔 also OMGGG whereabouts in vn do u live?? :0 my dad is from sóc trăng and my mum is from rạch giá !!! unfortunately i was born & raised here so my viet is like questionable at best (but thank u anyway for the encouragement hsjdjsjsj) and it doesn’t help that i don’t have many viet speaking friends 😭😭 i rlly gotta brush up on my viet tho (i’m actually visiting next yr hehehe) and ALSO DAWG WYS YOURE LITERALLY FLUENT ???? NOT U SAYING ALL THIS TO MAKE ME FEEL BETTER I CANT 😭😭😭😭 AND HAJDJAA THATS SO FUNNY PLS EDUCATE ME ON ALL THE SLANG COS I LITERALLY DO NOT COMMUNICATE W ANYONE BUT MY PARENTS IN VIET SO IDK ANYTHING THATS LIKE YOUNG OR MODERN IF YK WHAT I MEAN 💀💀💀 i’ve tried to understand some but damn they’re complicated af like wth wdym gòy soq is supposed to be rồi xong idk if it’s just me cos i only ever speak viet to old ass people but like WHAT ??)&@$ it’s okay lucky i have u to guide me 😽🙏🙏

and omgggg no way??? so if not lit, what do u plan on studying for uni? :o ALSO AAAA IM GLAD !!! my exams for english were always the same 😭 they always gave us various texts and we just had to analyse + write essays on them so that’s what i rambled on abt devices and stuff BHSJDJJS

hahaha chị chỉ đi vn 1 lần (lâu quá r… chắc khoảng 10-12 năm? 😟). khi đó mùa hè, rồi chị kb đại sao mọi người mặc áo tay dài, nhưng sau 1-2 ngày chị mới hiểu đc mắy con muỗi ở vn là… idk … FUCKING RABID????? 😭😭💀 my GAWD chị ghét nhứt bị cắn con đó $@2@8;93&( đang nhớ lại chị bị ngứa 😭😭 aaaa thiết ha?? tội nghiệp em quá 😭😭 pls take care of urself 🥹💓💖🫶

ALSO OMG HAVE U SEEN THE NEW PICS FROM THEIR CONCERT IM SKFELFIEOIROEIRKDS (also IS HEESEUNG UR BIAS TOO??? idk if you’ve already told me or not 🫢 but it’s 2am here & my brain is half dead) also i’m not sure if you stan aespa or not but i believe they were recently in vn 🥹🥹💖

ALSO THANK U MY LOVE!!!!! aiya chị thương em quá nhiều so pls pls take care of urself and eat lots of healthy food MWAH MWAH 😽😽🫶🫶

[megantheestalliongf]

i am feeling so.....

[kanmom51]

hi, genuinely curious, why do you think you know so much about bts’s personal lives? like just shipping real people in general that you don’t now personally, bc i saw some of ur posts(not just u, a LOT of others seem to think the same) and i’m confused like how do you know all that from a video/photo?

Ask 2:  hi i think i might have sounded rude in my last anon and im so so sorry if i did, i don’t mean to sound mean but english isn’t my first language and i don’t now how else to write it.

What i mean is i just can’t see it, but so many ppl including you seem convinced jimin and jungkook are a couple? i now there’s probably something i’m missing that’s obvious to everyone else bc to me they just seem like really good and close friends, so like what is it that you think makes it obvious?? (again i’m just genuinely curious abt this pls don’t take it the wrong way 💜)

I’m not clairvoyant and don’t claim to know what goes on behind closed doors.  I have said time and time again that we have no way of knowing what goes on when the cameras are off or when they are in private, unless they tell us.

I do speculate sometimes and make assumptions based on the content I’ve seen, but always original content, and not edited clips.  

I have also made it clear every single time that these are my opinions and conclusions, take them or leave them.

There is a ton of BTS content out there to go through, which includes, just as an example (because there is so much more):  Run BTS episodes, interviews (video, written and radio), member Tweets, memories, Bon Voyage, packages (summer, winter), Bangtan bombs, fan meets, Musters, concerts etc.

You need to watch original content, because, and it saddens me to say this, there is some Jikook YT content that is distorted, edited, slow motioned to fit the story, and not all of it is ‘real’ in the sense, that if you see the original content, see the true moment within it’s context and in real speed, well, it isn’t a ‘real’ moment.  I have called out some of those moments in the past.

But there are things you can’t fake.  

There a several moments that solidified for me the special connection between JK & JM.  

Watch original content over the years and you will see there is something special between those two, a special and strong connection.  JK clearly finds JM as someone he can confide in and someone that can calm him or console him in times of need.  He has said it in interviews and we have seen him do so in the content out there.

JM is JK’s anchor.  His safe place.

JK is JM’s happy place.  When JM is down JK is the one who knows how to cheer him up.  Even Jin had mentioned it once in an interview.

JK is JM’s protector in sorts.  We’ve seen them at the airports, we’ve seen him carry JM after concerts.

They are super close.  We know they constantly choose to travel together in the same car (when every member has their own car and they are the only ones together)...  They choose spend ‘off time’ together - bowling, going to watch a movie, ice skating with each other.  JK himself told us in BV4 that the only members he sae during their time off were JM & Hobi.  They are just super close.

So what made me make the one step further and conclude they are romantically involved?

There are several things that pushed me over the edge.  Some of them are:

First, the content, again.  There is content out there that is way beyond “we are very close platonic friends”.  Things they say or do in front of the camera that give you so much “we are a couple” vibe. 

There is content that makes you feel like you are intruding on a very intimate private moment: 

MAMA 2018 is one of them.  I can’t say one, because there are so many moments there that are “WOW, what’s going on here?”

Rose Bowl is also such a moment that is as clear as day, with no acceptable logical explanation other than: “there is something more between those two”.  

Those are only 2 examples, but there are many more such moments, where the intimacy level is way more than even the best platonic friendship out there.

You don’t need to be a rocket scientist to put 1 & 1 together here.  These moments are loud and clear.

There are the more subtle moments too, those that add up on you, those that if you will look at each of them by themselves you would say: “yeah, nothing here”, but when you put them together, another one and another one and another one, well the conclusion is pretty much clear.

It’s JM’s Tweets, their matching clothing over the years, their choice to spend time together, their private trip, GCFT, JK’s choice to put JM front and center in all his other GCF’s, the way they look at each other, the way they talk about each other, the two very famous lives from 2016 (Tae’s & Hobi’s), their own lives (OMG), things JM tells us (like waking up and seeing JK is what makes him happy these days), “you are me I am you”,  the way they touch, especially during the first few years (2016-2018), those hesitant light touches & brushes (if skinship is not an issue here, why do they hesitate so much to touch each other??? when they have no problem doing so with the others, all when we do know just how close they are), the way they talk to each other, they way JK lets JM get away with shit, while he doesn’t the other members, the way JK drops honorifics with JM +++++ so much more.

There another couple of independent points that helped to push me over the edge too.  

The first is the other members reactions when JK & JM go on with their shenanigans.  RM, Hobi, Jin, Suga & Tae all react differently, each and every one of them has a tell.  Suga and Tae go blank many times.  Jin lowers his head.  Hobi either had a worried look on his face or a big fat smile, and RM, well he’s the most obvious out of the lot.  It’s facial expressions, uneasy movement, fisting his thighs, looking to Hobi or Suga with pleading eyes, running to the two thinking he might have to defuse a moment, separating the two when he feels it’s needed.  It’s all that and then some.  Now if there is nothing ‘more’ going on between those two, why is all of that even necessary???  Those two’s interactions on camera just make the rest of the group nervous, especially RM.  Ask yourself the question: why??  

Another thing I keep asking myself is, if these two are clearly super close, why is there a constant need to downplay their closeness?  This is something that is done by BTS and BH as well as the fandom.  And I find it hard to understand, again, if there is nothing extra going on between them, why downplay them.  You may disagree with me on this, but to me it seems they are way closer than JM & Tae, but they are called ‘soulmates’ while JK & JM are ‘nothing’? It’s like they are there, and it’s clear as day just how close they are, but it’s not a subject they are allowed to talk about.  And the way the fandom is as much as ignoring it also raises so many questions for me.  If this is an innocent platonic close friendship, why ignore it?  How come the fandom isn’t celebrating it? 

Thing is, that not only does the fandom ignore their connection, they are being hated for it.  The level of anti and hatred  out there towards them is unbelievable.  And yet again, that raises the question of why?  If nothing is going on there why such anti towards those two, together, in particular?

At the end of the day, I guess life experience is probably what helps me out here.  I have been around for a while, experienced love and heartbreak, and also a long term relationship. I know the signs, you could say.  It helps being able to assess a situation and read into it.  

It’s ok to question yourself.  I do so constantly.  I watch and re-watch content.  I read interviews, I question my logic, my conclusions.  I, just like any normal person, do have self doubt at times.  Believe me, I would not have written what I have before checking and re-checking myself.  And still, these are my conclusions.  I believe that JK & JM are not only super close, but also romantically involved.  There you have it.

[suganovakawa]

hi! i found ur blog through saudade and was like!! this the good kush! and earlier i was scrolling through ur blog and saw the jealous hcs and suga's was so accurate 😭 i can totally see him being all smiley and passive aggressive like 'do you want something haha? >:)' anyways! can i request reader being sad and doubting their relationship with noya and tanaka (separate) bc they always talk abt kiyoko and how beautiful she is and how they feel abt her? thank u so much, pls take care of urself!!!

the potential this one has OMG yes i am on it 🥺 u better be taking care of yourself too , anonnie !!!

𝐈𝐑𝐑𝐄𝐏𝐋𝐀𝐂𝐄𝐀𝐁𝐋𝐄 .

karasuno boys remind you that you’re always going to be number one in their eyes, no matter what !

— check out my masterlist !!

we all know kiyoko is a goddess , but it’d be nice if your boyfriend could give you some of that love too , y’know ? let’s see how these two make up for giving kiyoko too much attention .

a / n : YALL . THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR 500 FOLLOWERS THATS SO HARD FOR MY BRAIN TO REGISTERSJFJJDJFJD AHHHHH ILY GUYS SO MUCH 🥺💞💘💓💓💘💞💘💞

also yuu’s came out really really long so do be prepared for that — ryu’s isn’t as long because he praises kiyoko the same way yuu does , so there’s no need to repeat everything fjjdndjsjd

— ask to be part of my gen taglist !

taglist : @yams046 @janellion @avylee

yuu nishinoya

yuu has bunches of love to go around , believe me

but sometimes , it really doesn’t seem that way , y’know ?

you knew even before your relationship with the guardian deity that he was a simp for kiyoko ; how he also fell for you was even a surprise for you

but noya definitely does try and show you that you that you have a special place in his heart , even if he gawks over the team manager at times

but when his appreciation for kiyoko gets out of hand , oh it really gets out of hand

the first time it happened , you were completely shattered — however , you weren’t sure how to even handle a situation like that

everyday of just — “ kiyoko ” this , “ shimizu ” that . . . it was a never ending cycle of yuu going on and on about how the karasuno team manager was just so perfect at everything she does , that she was the paragon of beauty and so forth

and while you held no grudge against kiyoko — hell , she made it very clear that she had absolutely no interest in yuu . like , multiple times — seeing him gush over her so much made you feel self conscious in yourself

you were his significant other , weren’t you ?

so why wasn’t he treating you that way ?

it came to a point where you just didn't say anything the moment yuu brought up kiyoko . there was no point in trying to stop him or changing the subject , because once he was on a roll ; he was on a mf roll

god , even the first years could see that noya was giving kiyoko more attention than you

the only one besides noya who didn't notice this was tanaka , who was just as smitten over kiyoko as the libero was

and everyday , it was the same old topic ; didn't they have anything else to talk about ?

" DUUUUUDE . YOU'LL NEVER GUESS WHAT HAPPENED . "

" WHAT , BRO ? "

" KIYOKO PICKED UP MY PENCIL FOR ME WHEN I DROPPED IT IN FRONT OF HER TODAY . I AM NEVER USING ANOTHER PENCIL AGAIN . "

" DAMN , YOU'RE SO LUCKY ! I NEED TO GET HER TO DO THAT FOR ME TOO "

and your snapping point : yuu choosing to help kiyoko clean stuff up instead of walking you home after practice

was this his way of breaking up with you ? whatever it was , you couldn't handle it anymore . just seeing yuu give so much of his time to kiyoko was heartbreaking for you ; you even began to question if you really were a significant other figure to nishinoya

you stopped showing up to practice

and shortly after , you avoided and ignored the second year as a whole

it took about less than two days for noya to realize that you weren’t around for him

and even worse — you seemed to have no interest in talking to him when he did try and approach you

uh oh , he really messed up now

he approached the third years with his head hung low , wanted advice on how to talk to you again

and they were willing to help , of course ; but not before giving him absolute hell for not noticing his own actions sooner

it took three tries to get you to talk to noya again

daichi approached you first after class , wanting you to come back to practice again ; you politely told him no , and before he could press on further , you hastily turned heel and walked away

second attempt was suga and asahi , suga was more straightforward with his attempt at bringing you back , while the other was just there mainly for support ; he explained that noya felt apologetic and wanted to make it up to you , but you countered with “ if he really was sorry , he’d come himself . not make you do it for him . ” and you left

third time’s a charm — kiyoko was the final person to confront you

you were still upset , and she understood that completely — she explained that even with noya’s , ehem , worship over her , he still cares about you deeply ; he just gets overly excited and doesn’t know how to control it

and she added that there was no practice due to ukai being out that day , but yuu was still waiting for you in the gym

you finally gave in , walking slowly to see kiyoko’s words speak for themselves — there he was , sitting against the wall with his eyes staring intently at the ground

“ yuu . . . ”

his head popped upwards the moment he heard your voice , scrambling to his feet to sprint to you as fast as his two legs could take him

before you could say anything else , he jumped forward and pulled you into the biggest hug he could offer ; shakily , you hugged back with the same intensity , burying your face in him as he just continued to squeeze you as if you’d disappear if he dared let go

he began to blubber all sorts of apologies — about how stupid of a boyfriend he was , that he should’ve noticed he was hurting your feelings sooner , that he shouldn’t have been fawning over kiyoko

he would’ve continued , but you shut his mouth with a finger , smiling softly as you shook your head

“ it’s okay , i forgive you . it just . . . hurt my feelings , is all . i know you like kiyoko a lot , so i didn’t want to — ”

“ no , y/n . you’re my s.o. , i shouldn’t have been like that . you’re my priority , not kiyoko . she used to be , but not anymore . i know that now , and that will never happen again , i promise . ”

and believe me , his redemption went all out

he'd walk you to and from school , catch up with you after every class , walk you to lunch , compliment your clothes and remind you of how much he appreciates you having in his life - kiyoko basically became nonexistent to him after that

tanaka didn't seem to mind - now he had the manager all to himself KDKSKKD

once in a while he gets caught up again , but this time he's more wary of your feelings ; if he sees that your mood has changed even a little bit , he'll ask you if he's too much , and then he'll forget about kiyoko again

yuu definitely has a long way to go until he's a perfect boyfriend , but he'll dedicate himself to make sure you know that you're irreplaceable in his eyes

ryuunosuke tanaka

something tells me ryu would definitely be more attentive than yuu , but he's still a total simp for shimizu

the moment you stop coming to practice , oh he notices right away

i imagine it going the same way as noya — him just talking everyone’s ears off about kiyoko’s a goddess , that she deserves all the best things in the world . . . all while you’re right there next to him

it’s a stab in the heart , to put it lightly ; you can only take so much before it just downright hurts

you’ve tried to talk to tanaka about it — he’ll brush you off with a “ hey babe ! ” with a quick kiss to the forehead / cheek before running off to practice again

so naturally , you felt defeated , and could only defend yourself — your heart — by not going to practice anymore , as well as just avoiding him as a whole

oh boy , did tanaka feel like an absolute failure of a boyfriend

“ y/n was here at school today . . . why didn’t they show up for practice ? they’re usually here , helping set up the net before standing next to kiyoko ”

tsukishima will probably be the one to retort back to him — you are his senpai , and he noticed how dejected you were , the more ryuunosuke ignored you for the team manager

“ oh , y/n decided not to show up today . someone decided they were gonna be a better boyfriend , and not fawn and drool over someone else like a dweeb . ” tsukishima was a jerk , yes , but he hated that tanaka was just so blatantly ignorant to you ; you didn’t deserve that at all and he knew that

“ WHAT ? Y/N WOULD NEVER — ” his voice dropped as his eyes widened in realization , “ oh my god , i’ve been neglecting my own s.o. for kiyoko . . . ”

it was an awkward silence , the third years didn’t know if they should berate him or comfort him of his realization , the second years were feeling awkward AF ( especially yuu ) for not telling him sooner , and the rest of the first years weren’t exactly very well-versed in the romance department so they had absolutely no advice for the wing spiker

even ukai was confused that you weren’t there as he walked in “ where’s y/n ? they said they’d help me with — ”

a bunch of people giving him the “ NO NO NO NO NO ” signal as he finally lays eyes on ryu , keishin understanding that something must’ve happened

tanaka was not doing well that practice , too side tracked and too upset with himself to focus properly

it came to the point where daichi had to pull him aside , and give him a stern talking to

“ listen here , tanaka . i know you now understand how stupid you were in being so overly obsessive over kiyoko with y/n always standing right there , and simply , you are the one who needs to make things right with them . you should wait until tomorrow though , so you have time with them . they’re not the type of person to hate so easily , especially if it’s you . have this be a valuable lesson , and i hope you remember how important of a person y/n is , to us , and to you . ”

tanaka had a whole epiphany with daichi’s speech — damn right , you were his . so why did he need to simp over kiyoko , when he had an amazing s.o. already by his side ?

with the team’s permission , tanaka requested to miss practice the next day — he promised he’d make up for it the following day , he just wanted to spend more time with you and make up for what he did

it wasn’t easy for him , coming to grips with his own foolishness as he approached you after class

“ y/n . . . i want to take you somewhere after school , if that’s fine ? ”

though you were hesitant in responding , you didn’t have the nerve to look away , nor run . “ but ryu , don’t you have practice today ? ”

he smiled sheepishly and shrugged , “ i got permission from the others to skip it today , i just have to work even harder to make up for it . ” taking you by the hand , he pulled you closer to him “ besides , nothing is more important to me than treating my beloved s.o. to something special , especially after how poorly i treated you for the past few days ”

TANAKA IS GENTLEMAN MATERIAL OKAY , I STAND BY THIS ; A WHOLE CLOSETED GENTLEMAN BUT NO ONE WILL EVER GIVE THIS MAN A CHANCE none of y’all are ready for that conversation yet

but like woah , what happened to ryu ? going from kiyoko simp to this . . . it flustered you to the MAX

“ but in all seriousness y/n , i’m really sorry for how i acted . i shouldn’t have been paying so much attention to kiyoko like how i used to , now that i’m lucky enough to have you in my life . i want to try and make it up to you , starting with this badass cute date i’ve got planned for the two of us ! ”

you can’t help but smile as tanaka drags you out of the school , you’ve already forgiven him for just this precious moment alone

“ badass and cute aren’t words you’d use at the same time to describe something , ryu — ”

“ well , they are now ! ”

even kiyoko will be surprised at how he’s hardly even fazed by her at after today’s events ; ryuunosuke is a changed man , for you

you’ve got one of the biggest simps in haikyuu as your boyfriend , be prepared for how this mf is going to SPOIL . YOU .

[seijorhi]

asks :))

what i have learned today is that y’all wanna get fucked by some monsters...

What does nostos mean? What language is it in? 🤔 also I of course loved it, mind blown as usual queen

it’s ancient greek! it means homecoming, the idea of a triumphant return home for the hero after a long journey. i found it through looking at the root of nostalgia. in this fic of course it’s kind of a grim tongue in cheek play on it. the reader’s coming back to the mountains, but she’s running away after a bad breakup, and the welcome she gets is... shall we say less than ideal haha

Just read nostos-

First of all as a person who reads monster shit- hell ya. Mhm. That’s some good shit right there. That was DELICIOUS horror. It actually had me a bit nervous and afraid to read what was gonna happen next 😳

Secondly- omg I wanna know what happened next (at the end) 👀 know what I mean??? 😼

ANYWAY AS ALWAYS you never disappoint and your writing is fantastic (if/when you write horror yandere stuff again I’ll be there- frothing at the mouth. A+++++ work ILY💖)

you want me to write the monster porn, just say it bby ghfjdkshgfjkd but ty

Omfg that fic was so good!

Did the readers mom know about monster kuroo?? Or was she just worried because of the previous murder? And did Kuroo somehow manipulate reader into coming back to the forest or was it just a big coincidence? (👁👄👁 there's no such thing as a coincidence)

Looking forward to your future work <3

ty nonnie!! i didn’t have the right space for it, but after kohsuke was ripped apart and eaten kuroo stayed by the reader’s side until late in the night, only disappearing when he heard the reader’s parents/search party approaching. they found her lying in pools of blood (and scattered half eaten body parts), shaking and unresponsive – they knew no animal could’ve done something like that. so they knew something lurked in those woods, but considering the reader had repressed the memories, her mom couldn’t just come out and say it <33

You are an AMAZING horror writer!!!

The uneasiness I got from the conversations with the mom is just *chefs kiss*

A+++++

ahh thank you!! horror is such a hard genre to write because i’m never sure if the suspense and everything’s gonna hit right haha

I read Nostos before going to sleep last night and at the time I was like “sure hope this doesn’t give me nightmares” and thankfully it didn’t lol. But I think I’m willing to take that chance again because it’s so GOOD and I think I’m just going to have to relive it – @ohno-otome

fhdjgbfhjkdfn i’m glad it didn’t give you nightmares bby!! but i also appreciate that haha, i’m an absolute wimp with scary movies and stuff but i just can’t stop watching them haha

I just wanna say that I was listening to "You're a psychotic villain playlist" on youtube while reading Kuroo's oneshot and I can't explain the emotions I felt, but I'd let Kuroo do things to me asdfghjkl – @itishebihime-samaforyou

ooh nice! sometimes the right playlist makes things doubly as fun haha

OH MY GOD!?!?! Nostos was soooo GOOD?!?!? Like it was so creepy (but in a good way), and scary and suspenseful!! And the ending!?!? Omggg honestly one my fav fics from you!! You did my mans Kuroo justice 🥺💖💕

TYYYYYYY i was genuinely concerned i was gonna scare everybody off haha

Ah! The new fic! Chiefs kiss! Magnificent! Bravo!🧚‍♀️✨🧞‍♀️🦖🦭🌹💫

tysm nonnie!!! <33

i’m pretty sure i’m in the same/similar timezone as you? and i do be staying up late to be one of the first to read your fics (i usually stay up late anyways). so imagine my surprise when i see you post in the afternoon. in conclusion, whether you post to align with your european and american readers’ timezone, my gmt+10 arse will still be one of the first to read your fics. also nostos sjdufigyyjf i have to admit, i recently just found out about monster fucking and nostos scratched the itch😫 i feel bad for kohsuke though

bby i always post at like 2-4 in the morning please get some sleep!! the fics will be there in the morning lmao. i kinda low key forget about my aussie/gmt+10 followers because i think there’s like... 3 of you haha

Honestly if i could give u a dollar everytime i got off to your fics, you'd probably be rich by now

lmao the idea that people find my fics hot enough to get off to still blows my mind lol

your newest kuroo fic was so SO good!! its totally okay if you dont want to answer this so you can keep things ambiguous but is monster kuroo planning on killing the reader after he's...done with them

thank you, bby!! but no, monster kuroo isn’t gonna eat her – he’s had plenty of chances to do that if that’s what he wanted, but he has other plans for the poor reader

RHI, I WANT TO STATE FOR THE RECORD THAT I AM OKAY WITH MORE MONSTER FUCKING IN THE FUTURE. i also want to say im not a monster fucker, but that just feels like a lie at this point. okay, now that that's off my chest, i love it. the mystery, the connections of kuroo to a cat. kuroo's probably gonna go and batter around his prey once they're under his grip like my cat does. hopefully the reader will come out somewhat unscathed, if they are ever allowed to leave 😌 love this, love how different it is, the way kuroo just tries to weasel in. very monster and yandere vibes, very you. have i said i love this yet?? id willingly let him get me drunk on his cock, maybe never leave the peace of the mountains again

‘i want to say that i’m not a monster fucker’ bby the denial will get you nowhere haha. just lean in and embrace it hgfjkdlkfgjnkdl ahh but thank you this is such a sweet ask ILY!!!

Omg omg the monster thing kuroo was in ur latest fic is so familiar to me abdhdmfnjfjf. I remember being told abt a monster with VERY SIMILAR characteristics to it (aka the not being able to go inside a house unless invited and using fire to lure ppl out) AND JFC IT TERRIFIED ME. Esp how when i told ppl around me and they didnt recognize what it was, but it was somehow known to the kid that told me abt it.

(Some ppl thought it was familiar but still didnt know what it was)

Do u know what im talking abt? Hopefully u do

-🥚

GHFJDK so the monster in this is kind of based off the nekomata spirit in japanese folklore - they can appear like people, torment victims by reanimating the corpses of their loved ones, they’ve been blamed for forest fires, so it was just fun to use that as a basis and then go buck wild haha. anyway thanks for the ask bby!

Rest In Peace Kohsuke, you would’ve loved Haikyuu season 5😔✊– @joyvstheworld

poor kohsuke deserved better, i’m just mean to the oc’s i throw into fics haha

Monsterfucking ❤❤❤❤❤❤ a little annoyed you're making me simp for yan Kuroo though (a vibe tho tbh). You're so extremely talented!!!! &

This is probably a stupid question, but how did Kageyama react when he couldn't find y/n? How is life with yan Suga? I imagine probably awful BUT yknow maybe the stockholm syndrome set in fast lmao. Sorry, I'm going on a binge reading your stuff. - @oracleofdin

i will not apologise for making you simp for kuroo he deserves it the man’s a snacc. and as far as your second question, suga’s a very caring, very smothering kinda yandere, so i guess in some ways it’s better than what the reader had with kageyama but... pick your poison haha

That was so good. I’m so shook rn I can’t comprehend anything but how good that was and how good a writer you are

TYSM NONNIE!!! <33

Ok, so, I just read Final Girl and the lil' ticket addition to it and just---

Well, ok I've been playing Dead by Daylight a lot lately? And I'm just picturing Tetsu as the newest killer "The Trickster" and I'm positively RANDY.

Your writing is ALREADY thirst inducing and just as satisfying, but this has SENT ME- If you're not familiar, please...

https://youtu.be/iowkiPobYYQ

Understand my thirst. (I'd also like to clarify, I use a different skin for him that gives him black hair and he looks like Kuroo with an undercut.)

~ @the-casual-hedonist 🌸

i love how feral y’all got for final girl kuroo. like bo and akaashi had his fans, but i put a spiked bat in kuroo’s hands and y’all lost your goddamn minds and i love to see it. fghdjkvhfjdkls thanks for the ask bby

idk why but I love preggo reader as long as I don't pretend it's me 😢✋ I hate babies n pregnancy anywhere else other than horny haikyuu fics

i think that’s a valid thing for a lot of fans. the idea of breeding is sexy, the actual getting pregnant and having a kid thing... not so much. but especially with non-con scenario’s, it’s more about the aspect on control than the actual desire to have kids. but yeah, i feel you

Sorry to bother but uh was just wondering in fracture did Osamu kill his wife or was it actually an “unfortunate event” ? Love your work btw!!

he most certainly did :))

LMFAO RHI i totally get not liking cheating/infidelity fics (towards reader) bc IT HIRTS ME SO BAD I CANNOT HANDLE THOSE.

id be reading fics those fics like: tf you mean my yandere aimt gonna baby me and only want me??🤨🤨🤨⁉️‼️

EXACTLY! listen i get that it’s a fucked up fantasy, but in my fucked up fantasy you damn well better have the decency to be loyal smh

Finders keepers is the most beautiful thing I've read by you: I read it twice like I normally do and here's what I figured out the second time (that's when I analyze it and find the little tidbits of things that are much darker than they appear (: )

To start I LOVE THE DETAILS OF THEM NEVER TEACHING READER ANYTHING- at first I assumed "oh they might see her as a little sister or child or something" but realized thAT WAS THE ISSUE!! they infantilize her and isolate her from everyone but her group. the small details like that are what make the story amazing 😎💅

ahh thank you so much, nonnie!! pls this is making me soft 🥺

I just wanted to stop by and say that I love your writing and I hope you're doing well!!! Drink plenty of water and keep up the amazing work :) but seriously you're one of the best fanfic writers I've seen on tumblr! I read your "Imitation" piece about kuroo and i keep coming back to it, it's so good! I did want to ask if you think it'd be possible for the reader to ever escape with the baby (or at least attempt to). Or if Kenma would "help" at all just to put an end to kuroo's antics lmao

kenma would in no way help the reader, and tbh by that point if kuroo did get her pregnant, she’d be far too emotionally dependant on him to actually even want to leave, but thanks for the ask!

You know who I think would be a perfect Yandere in the JJK world? Choso.

🚨Spoilers Ahead🚨

After being locked in a glass jar for however long he was, and all that happened with his brothers, I feel like he would absolutely never let his darling out of his sight. He would be possessive. Obsessive. And Oh So delusional. Sure he’d be your anything - he truly is a softy - but to what end?🤤

choso would make an excellent yandere, ngl 😌

what au/troupe of your fav character(s) that you have written do you like the most?

(rlly hope this makes sense🙏)

i am always a slut for soulmate au’s :))

[angeltrapz]

oosdkk dude im sorry ur mood dropped too.. i hope u feel better soon <3 but like i wld love 2 hear more abt ur thoughts on Art in general bc Boy Is He Interesting, and also a lil more abt Daniel coming out as nonbinary to his dad (whether he knows Eric is trans or not at that moment skjdfhdskf)! + if ur feelin it just more abt Mallick in general ESP cuz we agree that Brit doesn't make it thru V

djhfjdks thank u sm <3

okay Art first. I genuinely wonder abt him so much, something in specific I think abt is that aside frm Amanda (+ Eric, obviously, but talkin abt disciples) Art is one of the only trap victims EVER 2 be tested twice and it’s like... what’s that abt? Why? as u’ve said b4 it rly depends on how you personally view his character: whether he’s a disciple or not. fr me, both options are equally plausible, n honestly I don’t rly confine myself to either; it sorta depends on what I’m feeling/writing. if we’re talking abt art being a disciple, then the Spinecutter not going off (one of my BIGGEST questions) makes total sense, as Hoffman’s side of the trap was never set up to work either, + Jigsaw disciples have a history (aside from Lawrence) of appearing as victims in other tests/traps. if he were not just another pawn and was in fact a disciple himself, then the Spinecutter was never meant to go off - it was there just to make Eric think it COULD go off/make it look convincing to outsiders. which brings me to ANOTHER question: what does Art know abt Eric? does he know anything? what does he think of Eric?

(lil side note: if Art is a disciple, then I kinda wonder if it’s a lil bit of a Hoffman + Lawrence situation where Hoffman didn’t know abt Art either? just bc he looks so shocked when he sees Art’s face fully fr the first time... that could’ve just been acting on Hoffman’s part but IDK. food fr thought)

personally, I feel like Art probably does know a lil bit abt Eric - at the very least, he’d know tht Eric had been previously tested + failed by John’s rules, but then I feel that he wld also know Eric didn’t rly have a chance in his second test. that is why Art trying so fucking hard to keep Eric alive is interesting 2 me: what is his motivation 2 do that? like he’s been told Eric’s basically just there to get Rigg to participate, he doesn’t have any personal obligation or anything like that. sure, the aim is to keep Eric alive + see if Rigg can pass his “test,” but nobody said anything about grabbing a man you barely know around his ankles to keep him frm hanging himself w a noose made of chains. nobody said anything abt speaking to him so softly, not even raising your voice beyond saying “hey,” and asking him do you understand? when you tell him to keep still and prevent him frm killing his counterpart (which, if Art is a disciple, he knows it won’t, but he still speaks to Eric so softly, so compassionately, doesn’t he?)

nobody said anything abt grabbing him around the waist and steadying him again after being punched by said man. but Art does that. he stabilizes Eric’s feet on the ice as best he can and he keeps his hips straight and he basically says “look, we’re all stuck here, you need to keep it together ‘til that clock counts down if you want us to live, but I’m giving you a choice,” and he presses the gun w the single bullet into Eric’s hands and tells him it’s up to him. nobody said Art had to care but he does, I think, and it’s just like. he really didn’t have to keep Eric alive over the course of Rigg’s test. he didn’t. but he did and I just,, where does it come from? why does he care? this is even going beyond the fact that we’ve talked abt them being together after their test in a scenario where they both survive - I just think that Art at his core is a very stubborn but very compassionate person, whether he wants 2 be or not. like he HAS to know that kind of involvement cld prove to be extremely detrimental but he cares. I feel like that says a lot abt him (even if he does call Eric an asshole a couple times while doing it,,).

plus I also just. I think his reason for being tested (as it seems to be in most cases) is extremely flimsy. he was doing his job. he’s a LAWYER. often times it has nothing 2 do w personal feelings; they’re there to do their job and sometimes, unfortunately, that is defending possibly reprehensible people (in cases like Rex’s & Ivan’s). + John was already upset w him regarding their argument abt the urban renewal group so like it just feels So Very Petty, y’know?? even in the scenario where he IS a disciple, testing him twice seems entirely like John having a personal vendetta against him. Amanda is the only other person to be tested twice aside from Eric, so like. what. is that abt Mr. Kramer.

like I’ve said b4 in dms one could argue that Art is grey morally, bc we never rly see anything of him outside of flashbacks + acting as a test controller in IV, esp given that he... rly doesn’t seem too bothered abt it all? which is fair. but I also feel like the concern he shows towards Eric is smth to be considered as well.

-

+ YESS NONBINARY DANIEL I know I’ve mentioned it b4 but for reference, I read Daniel as masc nonbinary (he/they)! so I feel like Daniel wld b pretty comfortable w his identity, he’s never rly had a reason not to be (it’s rly anyone’s guess here tho bc we never see Eric + Daniel + Kate... as a family unit, for obvious reasons), so I feel like he’s vry chill abt it? and in the scenario where Eric survives n is dating Adam, I feel like Daniel wld talk 2 him abt it first (Adam is an adult they quickly come to trust + he’s vocal abt being trans himself so there’s that added layer of understanding - other than his mom maybe Adam might b the first person they come out 2). they’re just kinda like “so I wanna tell my dad I’m nonbinary but like I’ve literally never thought abt coming out what do I do” and Adam’s just like. Aha. bc he knows Eric is Also Trans so like, he doesn’t tell Daniel that bc it’s not his info to share, but he’s definitely like “oh it’ll totally be fine. trust me you have no reason to worry” so Daniel’s just like Okay. I Got This

+ I know I mentioned this in dms but Daniel wld absolutely wear those floral ripped hem skirts over jeans, so I feel like on one of his visits to his dad’s, he just. wears that combined w a completely random niche graphic tee he bought when shopping w Adam (I adore this hc n I am Holding Onto It) n is just like. not super open abt it bc he doesn’t know what to expect? he just kinda waits fr Eric to comment on it but when he doesn’t, Daniel gets nervous n is like “do I look okay?” and Eric’s rly chill abt it, like “yeah! it looks vry cool, vry alternative.” n like Daniel is relieved, of course, but also he’s just like God Pls Say Something so he just comes out w it like “okay this is not working. I’m nonbinary.”

and he’s COMPLETELY SHOCKED when Eric is just like “oh why didn’t u say so? do u have a different name u wanna go by? is Daniel still okay?” bc he wasn’t sure how much Eric knew, so he’s just like “uh no Daniel is still good, he/they pronouns though” and Eric’s just like alright cool but internally Daniel’s just like ??????

n THAT is when Eric asks him 2 come sit out on th front steps w him n is just like. “I don’t think I ever told u this but I’m trans. I transitioned during training in my early 20s” n Daniel is nodding while internally he’s like Adam I’m gonna throttle u. he worked himself up fr NOTHING. he just kinda laughs abt it and Eric is like “are u good?” ‘cause he’s a lil worried but then Daniel just smiles and is like “yeah I’m fine! just realizing I had nothing 2 be worried abt” and it’s a rly good moment fr them. they sit out there together talking abt their experiences for quite a while n at some point Adam steps outside 2 find them deep in conversation + he just smiles n goes back inside bc he cares abt them both so much and seeing them talk like that makes him so 💞💞 (Eric is SO PROUD u can see it on his face)

-

ohhh gosh Mallick,,, I spend a lot of time thinking abt him actually. he’s just one of those characters I feel vry connected to (me 🤝 Mallick: Ambiguous Disorder 💕) n one I got surprisingly attached to? hello (he IS one of my f/os)

I feel like Mallick is a very lonely person at his core. the way he sort of clings to Brit (w out the whole like. adrenaline of being in very very real danger w ppl trying to kill u SEVERAL TIMES) somewhat confirms this fr me. this is someone who has no reason to look out fr him, no reason to keep protecting him when their fellow captives hit him over th head w a club or attempt to push him into a bathtub to ELECTROCUTE him, but she keeps doing it and he’s just. in awe of it a little bit? ‘cause she could just let Charles knock him tf out or let Luba push him in but she fights for him, some1 she has no obligation to n met fr the first time literally when they woke up.

the moment they share b4 they stick their arms into the saws to activate the 10 Pints of Sacrifice is so very vulnerable and maybe even a little tender. yes he calls her a monster, yes she calls him one back, neither of them deny it. it’s an admission and an acceptance. they’re monsters, sure, fine, okay. but they are monsters and they are in this together. Brit tells Mallick it’s okay when he says he can’t do this alone. she says okay, okay, it’s okay, we’ll go together. and they help each other secure their tourniquets and they stick their hands in together bc it’s the two of them, literally hand in hand, fighting for their lives n for each other n they’re in so so much pain but they are doing it TOGETHER. I lose it thinking abt it!!! they even have a head bonk moment!!! I very much feel like it has some cinematic parallels to Adam & Lawrence’s moment in SAW 2004!!!!

+ as u mentioned, we both share the thought that Brit likely died since she wasn’t present at Bobby’s meetings, and. I want to touch on how fucking despondent and lost Mallick looks when we see him again in 3D. lights on but no one’s home. I feel like for Mallick, losing Brit was losing the first chance at a real connection he’s had in god knows how long - and for him, that’s just very shattering. he’s been thru hell, he’s watched three people die right in front of him, he sawed his ARM IN HALF, n the person he went through all of that with didn’t make it. but he did. and I feel like for Mallick that’s just like... he doesn’t understand it. but he feels even lonelier than he ever has b4 because the One Person who was there w him thru it all, the one person who could ever possibly understand what happened that night, is gone.

the Mallick we see in V would NEVER sit down n willingly listen to Bobby Dagen’s bullshit abt loving yr scars n taking pride in the fact u survived. he wld hate that man with a passion n I am very much sure of this. the fact that he’s sitting in that chair looking numb and glassy-eyed and silent? Mallick is trying to find some1 to connect to, find a place where maybe he belongs. trying to fill that hole that losing Brit made. why else wld he be sitting there, listening to someone he would ordinarily tell to shove his self-love bullshit up his ass? he’s lost. he’s just trying to keep his head above water and find a way to shore even though everything in him is fighting not to. he’s adrift without her.

+ ALTERNATIVELY, bc the reality of that is just. crushing n maybe not where I needed 2 go, in the scenario where Brit survived + just doesn’t want to put up w Bobby’s bullshit, I imagine them to actually move in together after a lil bit of time getting 2 know each other better w out the pressure of “oh god we’re gonna die.” she kinda helps him build up a sense of self-worth bc GOD it’s practically non-existent n thinking abt possible reasons why makes me sad. she’s definitely just like “no, you do deserve to be cared for and you deserve help when you need it, you deserve good things n to be happy.” she just kinds shuts it down while still making sure to talk 2 him abt WHY he feels that way (she’s not dismissing, but she’s trying to nip it in th bud) n Mallick is just like. huh. bc no one’s really done that fr him before. but it rly does end up helping in the long run, even if it is a very slow pace toward actually getting 2 a place where he recognizes his own worth + realizes he deserves all the things he wants Brit 2 have too. they’re there for each other thru thick n thin and if they made it thru their game, they can make it thru anything.

[stuckylibrary]

Group Ask 183

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Anon 1 said:

Hi, can you help me find this fic, it’s pre serum Stucky, little Steve was very sick and someone tells Bucky Steve is going to die so he runs to Steve’s home crying, that’s all I remember. I’ve been looking for it for on the and can’t find it. :(

at6am said:

hello! ive been looking for this fic for the longest time, looked through every tag and i fear it has been removed :/ basically, bucky is “hiding” from an abusive ex. he finds him and confronts him, but steve sees him while hes on a run, and chases him off. he invites bucky to stay at his place to protect him. i remember steve being military. at the end, the boyfriend finds him and has a fight with bucky, where he breaks his jaw, but then steve arrives and shoots him, i think. help :(

Anon 2 said:

hii, I have a question, I'm looking for a fic! What I know about it, is that they are in some kind of sex club? Steve is a Dom, Bucky a Sub. Bucky thinks Steve is too nice and gentle and unexperienced at first and unintentionly makes fun of him, Steve doesn't take his shit and takes him into the dungeons, where only the most experienced Doms can go? I think it was even Nats club, or sum like that. Thanks so much already!!

Anon 3 said:

love y'all to bits. mwah x. i was wondering if u guys know abt a fic where steve n bucky are in avengers tower, slow dancing (i think the rest of the gang are there but not necessarily watching them?) and either steve or bucky gets super emotional bc they're pining and run out w/ the other following ??

Anon 4 said:

I've been trying to find a fic for hours but I cant remember the name of it. I remember that it was a modern au, bucky and steve were roommates or something, and whenever bucky cried, he only cried a single tear. They kissed at a christmas or new years party, but bucky ran away when steve didnt kiss back. Also, the author always refered to the space between the living room and kitchen as "no man's land", dont know why that certain detail stuck out at me. Pls help and thanks!

thefrenchfern said:

Hello! First of all many thanks for your wonderful work, your blog is so useful to find recommandations!! I am looking for a fic,where Bucky is working as a tailor (with Natasha) and he is also writing books under an alias. Steve is working nearby (in a gym maybe?) and he reads Bucky's book and he puts updates on goodreads? I also remember something about post it wirtten by Bucky to make Steve know its him. Many thanks for your help

Anon 5 said:

Hi, I feel like I have been looking for this fic forever everywhere. In it Bucky comes to Avengers Tower post Winter Soldier. He is recovering but he realizes Steve is lost too, and none of the other Avengers seem to realize. He starts gently bossing Steve around. He has Steve get his 40’s haircut back and Bucky buys 40’s style clothes for Steve to wear. They buy a farm and move out there, adopting a dog. Bucky gets set off by a trigger word and hides in the barn. Please help! Thank you!

Anon 6 said:

I lost a shrunkyclunks fic where Bucky meets Steve on the subway (or bus?) and they become fast friends, but Steve has a lot of money and Bucky is poor so every time they go out somewhere Bucky doesn't want to mention that he really can't afford to do much of anything. That's all I remember, do you know which fic I'm talking about? Thank youuuu

Anon 7 said:

Hi, desperate for some help here. I can only remember this one really specific detail from a fic I read recently, Steve asked Bucky something he'd never told anyone before, Bucky said he had Becca's kid for a weekend (?) and he said his first word at Bucky's place (the word had something to do with an ad on tv and was a pretty unusual first word), he never told Becca. Becca called Bucky a week later saying he did it again. Thanks for any help!!

artisticrogers1972 said:

I was reading a wonderful STUCKY fic; linked here from A03 and have lost it. This was maybe two-three days ago. It was about Bucky and Steve from the time they were kids on up and Bucky's mom was Roma. Bucky was in love with Steve but thought if he went with girls he'd be fine. They'd push beds together in the winter. Someone, please help!! I want to finish. It's part of a series and my head, with all the migraines, is easily forgetting titles

celestial-star-petals said:

Hello I'm looking for a fic that's post winter soldier I think. Bucky surrenders himself over to SHIELD and fury and maria have him imprisoned at headquarters but no one tells Steve, who, when he finds out immediately goes to him. Bucky doesn't leave so Steve visits as often as possible and so do the other avengers, sam, nat, pepper too. tony comes along tinkers with something in buckys cell and drops something that later helps bucky escape. Thank you for your help!!

cevansebb said:

hi guys do you know that fic (i rhink its recovery!bucky post tws fic) where bucky is OBSESSED with steve’s cowlick? if you could find it i’d appreciate it alot thank you!

Anon 8 said:

hi! i’m looking for a post-cacw fic where before helping bucky, wanda gives steve trigger words which makes bucky freak out, but then she takes them away. do you guys happen to know it? thanks :)

harrieserendipity said:

Hello stuckylibrary friends 🥰 I just went through a few of your tags looking for a fic that takes place pre-war. It’s summer& really hot out so Steve& Bucky have to sleep outside on their balcony/deck to keep cool overnight. Bucky wakes up w Steve asleep on top of him & like throws him off. It’s a prewar pining sort of thing I believe, but I went through that entire tag. I also know that this fic isn’t August and her sons, I thought it was but I just reread it and it’s not. Thanks friends!❤️

Anon 9 said:

hi! im pretty sure this was a pretty popular fic but i can't find it even with ao3 tags. it's post ca:ws steve+bucky w/ the avengers and one mission goes wrong and steve nearly dies and bucky confesses his feelings in panic but once he realizes that everyone heard him b/c the coms were still on, he dips and completely avoids steve?? i love y'all to bits, i hope you guys have been safe and healthy

[furyfought]

abernathy is a small town, surely you’ve met AGATHA KLEIN ; they can be a little IRREVERENT & OPPORTUNISTIC but have no fear , the TWENTY SEVEN year old definitely makes up for it by being IMPISH & SENSITIVE . most of the time anyway .  they’re usually seen around KLEIN & ASSOCIATES, LLC , as a CRIMINAL DEFENSE ATTORNEY . you know, i hear they’re affiliated with the local mc, iron kings as an ATTORNEY . they’ve got this vibe of A HEART GROWN RAVENOUS, A CYANIDE CENTER ENCAPSULATED BY SACCHARINE FRUIT, AND A SOUL IN THE FORM OF A SCRIBBLE WITH FANGS going on , makes them easily recognizable.

loosely inspired by jennifer check (jennifer's body), wendy byrde (ozark), ginger fitzgerald (ginger snaps), elizabeth sloane (miss sloane), john silver (black sails), & BBHMM.

+ pinterest, stats.

hey, friends. i’m devin (or dev) & very tickled to be here. agatha’s a combination of two of my favorite muses, and i can only hope that you’ll love her as much as i do. 🤎

"𝐇𝐄𝐑𝐄, 𝐈 𝐀𝐌 𝐆𝐑𝐀𝐂𝐄𝐋𝐄𝐒𝐒. 𝐍𝐎. 𝐖𝐎𝐑𝐒𝐄 𝐓𝐇𝐀𝐍 𝐓𝐇𝐀𝐓."

agatha’s story isn’t one that she likes to tell anymore. she feels it’s useless: to be defined by the actions of others, to attempt to battle the preconceived notions that run rampant regardless of what one says or does. she doesn’t want to beg for understanding anymore, or to claw her way from beneath the filth she’s made of her life. all that most know is all that she can bear to have known. the rest? it’s confetti; a meager concession in a game of chess. if you know her, is that a fact or a weapon to be used against her?

when it comes to the stories that can be told, however.. perhaps the most important is background. agatha’s an abernathy native: raised in grandiose park, flew the coop for college, only to settle back down in bordeaux apartments. klein & associates, llc. has been in her family for generations, each forefather serving increasingly questionable clients. agatha’s life, like that of many kleins before her, was already planned before she’d ever even been a thought in her parents’ minds. under her mother’s rule, there wasn’t any room for straying from that path. agatha would be smart; she would be clean; and she would be, without fail, someone. in other words, she would be her perfect replica. imagine the disappointment when agatha was anything but. 

agatha’s childhood can be summed up by three things: a door slammed shut in her face, an ear-piercing howl, and the chronic longing to go home — wherever that was. it’s another thing she doesn’t talk about, another thing she tries not to think about. those three things have followed her into adulthood, but they’ve taken different forms now. no longer is agatha a child screaming her throat raw — no; now, she cries out in other more productive ways. if you were to ask her, she’d tell you that she’s a woman grown; the past is behind her, buried in the sand where it belongs. the truth is trickier, less absolute. agatha is a child in the form of a woman; forever in the midst of a metamorphosis, unsure if for better or worse. she lacks foresight & lives largely in the now. she can’t imagine a future for herself and her choices in life reflect that.

agatha succeeds because she’s pretty, powerful, and convincing. wherever she falls short, her father is sure to more than make up for it. it’s amazing what people will do for the right price, and when they want to keep certain secrets from ever seeing the light. nepotism & immense privilege have done wonders for her, but she does.. actually work hard, too. she has an incredible memory & is really good at digging for more information & making her case. if she tells you that she’s going to do something, then she’s going to do it right no matter what. she’s dogged in that way, blinded to the outside world by her stubbornness. she works long hours & values her career above all else. she thinks it’s the only sure thing she has & views it as the one stable, secure thing in her life.

agatha is lonely to the point of defect. she lacks a sense of security in her life, which is why she’s so career-focused. she genuinely thinks that the only person ever looking out for her is her dad. she becomes very predictable once you realize that she will always pick the winning team; that she will forever follow the money; and that she is always going to make the decision that most benefits her. that isn’t to say that she doesn’t have any friends omg, but.. she doesn’t really trust easily. if she trusts you and considers you near and dear to her heart, then she’ll choose you. but until she has that reassurance? you’re on your own, bro. 

but like.. you literally would not know that unless you got burned by her. agatha is really good at listening and really good at playing parts for people. the thing with having no story is that she’s free to create her own. if you need a hero, she can be that. if you need a villain, she can definitely be that. she’s eerily good at getting chummy enough to make people think she’s close, only for them to realize.. they don’t actually know anything real about her? fun stuff. 

i think.. her entire life is a vie for power while also wanting to let go of that desire while also being afraid of what might happen if she were to let go of that desire. she’s not tht bad. she can play decent, be a guy’s guy. and she does come off tht way. it’s jus.. underneath there’s tht like .. tht rot tht she can’t scrub away. n it rears its ugly little head smtimes. but. :^) she can be cool n shoot the shit u kno.. heheh.

anyway.. lighter stuff<3 puts the gaslight and gatekeep in girlboss. talks just like her daddy, except for when she’s in the courtroom. egocentric without ever meaning to be. (spoiler: it’s a smoke screen.) she can, must, and will find a way to twist your words into something she can make sense of. believes in mixed drink supremacy. will absolutely smoke all of your weed + play dumb about hogging the blunt. plays dumb a lot actually, until it’s time to be smart. she’s touchy-feely, but freezes up whenever someone touches her. stares — a lot. can’t ever be the person to pick you up after a rough night out, because she’s likely there with you egging you on to do one more shot. every event is a tits out event / she has to be the most overdressed person in the convenience store at all times. can, must, and will be your unsolicited sugar momma. YOU SPIL-DBFDHFDJHBF LIPSTICK IN MY VALENTINO WHITE BAG? energy. thinks everything is a competition because it is. if she loved you once then she loves you forever. thinks going 20 over the speed limit isn’t speeding, actually. a bit of an emotional anarchist. can’t actually take what she’ll dish out. teases u if she likes u. teases u if she doesn’t like u. doesn’t care abt the feud as long as she’s gettin’ tht shmoney. big fan of an emotional sucker punch. 

"𝐌𝐘 𝐖𝐀𝐍𝐓𝐈𝐍𝐆 𝐒𝐄𝐄𝐌𝐒 𝐋𝐈𝐊𝐄 𝐈𝐓𝐒 𝐎𝐖𝐍 𝐀𝐍𝐈𝐌𝐀𝐋, 𝐀𝐍𝐃 𝐈 𝐀𝐌 𝐀𝐋𝐑𝐄𝐀𝐃𝐘 𝐀𝐍 𝐀𝐍𝐈𝐌𝐀𝐋."  + below are some ideas open to any & all muses no matter the age, gender, affiliation, etc !

i’ve left how she got involved with the mc totally absent from this intro bc i was hoping to plot it out! i’d love it if someone wanted to be her “in”. could be they were a childhood friend in need of help, a client she got close to, jus smth tht happened by chance.. whtever we come up with works! <3

if anyone needs an evil ex gf .. She’s Here. she will lie, cheat, scam, trash yr car, empty yr bank account.. whtvr you need, baybee<3

conversely.. not-so-evil ex gf? agatha can be nice & caring without there being a catch sometimes. maybe they still talk. maybe they’re friends. u tell me.

fwb / ex fwb? she do be sending them ‘u up?’ texts. 

someone tht agatha only got close to bc she wanted them to testify/be a character witness in court oopz<3

omg actual friends pls.. ppl tht Know her. tht See her. ppl tht she cares abt n would actually do anything for. friends!!!!!!!!!!!!

agatha has “get off my lawn” energy so i think it would be very funnie if someone needed a place to crash n she let them stay at hers thinking it was temporary n then they jus.. did not leave. n she’s like 🤨 hello?

an almost smth? anything weird n awkward n unspoken tht maybe fizzled out or maybe still lingers under the surface?

agatha doesn’t have a budding drinking problem but if she does no she doesn’t but if she does then<3 drinking buddy? someone that she’s gotten into questionable shenanigans with? poor bartender tht has to deal w her trying to “help” them as she waits for her uber to come? the possibilities are endless.

agatha’s all bark n very little bite but i still think it’d be funnie if she had a hateship. jus putting tht out there<3

if yr muse wnts an ego boost via unrequited crush.. lmk. i’m willing to hulk smash all of agatha’s dignity jus for u.

omggg a dealer? >.> who said tht omg #hacked.. 

on n off again thingz? lorde wrote tht "i am my mother's child i'll love you til my breathing stops / i'll love you till you call the cops on me" line abt her</3

budding friendships!!!!!!! ppl tht she goes to pilates or yoga with; people she gets brunch with; ppl she keeps running into n its like heeey u :); little platonic crushes jus . all of the cute platonic thingz tht make her go wtf is this 🤨. 

i mean.. if anyone wants a sugar momma.. I MEANNN..

college friends!! law school friends!! ppl she met over the summer while interning somewhere!! i left tht purposely vague, hint-hint.

tinder dates gone wrong. ghosted tinder dates. tinder thingz.

agatha’s been attending galas / banquets / office partiez for ages now so if anyone wants to be her plus one or her lil fake date... :^) could be cute. cld be angsty. world is our oyster. 

speaking of which.. coworkers n maybe even a lil personal assistant would be so sexie.

[chamelis]

I mean no offense in asking this but what about that "curry" song is offensive? Is curry not an important dish in Indian culture and eating beef against the majority religion of India (Hinduism)?

dude... are you kidding?? have you been reading any of the posts?

*sigh* ok. since u asked so nicely, let me spell it out for you. and for anyone who has been too afraid to ask bc they really should have caught on by now.

first, have a look at this post i made, where i talk abt what south asians face generally. in that post, i put a screenshot of some of the lyrics of that song. first of all, the whole tone of those words is extremely unsettling to me - two Korean men making a song about a culture that they're literally not a part of. like, don't even say "appreciation". if you want to appreciate my culture and food, just eat the fucking food??

but that's not even the main thing. the thing that quite literally made my stomach drop was .... i can't even bring myself to quote it accurately but, smth like "if two people were eating curry and one dropped dead, the other wouldn't notice"?? smth along those lines.

so you're telling me that you like eating indian curry so much that you went wrote an unnecessary song about it, and proceeded to make a disgusting joke about how made it smells??? comparing it to a literal corpse?? what the fuck???

and yes, i know this song was made in 2010 and the original artists have now apologised for making it. but it took them 10 years??? really??? other groups have done this before, btw. stray kids and oh my girl, as far as i can remember. and when they did this, their fans also spoke up about it. im not quite sure what the groups did in response, but, clearly this has been an issue within the last 10 years. but only NOW the original artists realised that they majorly fucked up by making this song??

and dont even get me started on their apology. it was full of "we love indian culture we just wanted to make a fun and catchy song about it". norazo, you didnt just do that. you made a song by taking random 'buzz' words from our culture ("shanti", "TAJ MAHAL", "namaste" and all that shit), referenced random things that we abide by without context (eating with the right hand, no beef etc.), and descriptions of curry that you thought were funny ("its yellow, but it doesn't smell nice" or some shit. again, these arent direct quotes because i refuse to look those lyrics up again.)

what you need to understand, anon, is that this is the worst way you could appreciate someone's culture. that song is made by people who clearly know nothing further and deeper about our culture and traditions past "taj mahal" and "namaste". they think it's hilarious that our food tastes so great but smells so shit. you mean to tell me they loooove our culture, but then thought it was okay to take random hindu terminology which has a deeper meaning and relevance, and just throw them in a song about curry??

by now, i really hope you're seeing why the existence of this song is deeply unsettling. but there's more of a problem here. clearly, over the recent years of kpop groups' controversial encounters with this song, svt never realised that the song is offensive. they've had the luxury of not learning why this song is stupid and derogatory and berating to our culture. they've been able to ignore the fact that south asians across the world are misunderstood and discriminated against because people like norazo reduce our culture to these songs with no meaning other than to """appreciate""" something in the worst way possible.

and that's the worst part to me. svt clearly dont have to care about racism and the struggles of other asians. they're famous and rich and they have a korean fanbase to rely on, so they dont have to care about the struggles of international fans. but south asian culture is REPEATEDLY used in kpop for the aesthetic - there are so many examples of this that you could probably Google it and find a plethora of kpop controversies explained by south asians.

and you know why this keeps happening?? because culturally, in korea, people aren't understanding why shit like this is dumb and wrong. when it comes to idols and their companies, they're either ignoring the uproar (like pledis), or making a half assed apology and then proceeding to appropriate and diminish another culture for their next comeback. so yeah, svt and other idols aren't forced to care about this shit, but they need to start caring. and if they don't, i and a lot of other south asian fans aren't gonna keep loving and supporting and paying them just for them to turn around and slap us in the face by perpetuating harmful and stupid stereotypes of us.

my friend v made a good post here which explains how kpop has brought global east asian rep and broke stereotypes, and now we need the same for south asian cultures. we have an incredibly beautiful and rich cultural background, but when people make songs like this and idols sing them and find them catchy or funny, they reduce our cultures to a couple words and stereotypes. they make us feel small. insignificant past being people that eat smelly curry with our fucking right hand. i am more than that. south asians are more than that. and at this point, i don't even know if svt, the people whom I've given so much love, know that.

I'd like to believe that they had no racist intentions. but that frankly doesn't matter either way. they fucked up by singing that song and seeing nothing wrong with it. and they're still fucking up by staying silent about it. and this is gonna allow some rookie group to make the same fucking mistake in the future, and the cycle repeats, and south asians are continually discriminated and made to feel shit about themselves because of some song that their favourite idols can't stop singing no matter how many times they're told to.

lastly, if you've read all of this and decided that south asian fans are being dramatic and we're "cancelling ppl for no reason", just send me another ask saying so. then I'll block your IP address.

alternatively, if you have a genuine question about this, if my wording didn't make sense at any point, my inbox is open. but pls be polite. it's the least i ask for.

you can refer to this post which is pinned on my page which has resources you can use to contact pledis and tell them to make an apology statement and urge svt to understand their mistake + inform themselves on this issue.

[strayneoculturekids]

SKZ Reacting to you Getting an Anxiety Attack

Warnings: This was a request, don’t get mad at me for ‘romanticising’ a mental illness, because I really don’t see it that way, if you insist on hating me, I’ve already explained my thoughts upon it in this post, and recommend you take a read of it before sending that anon hate. Also, note that I’m only writing this because I believe- well, hope, people who get anxiety attacks can take comfort from it. I’ve also limited personal experience on anxiety attacks, plus everyone experiences them differently, so forgive me if this is inaccurate or just sucks

A/N: I got this request ages ago. Like, literally months ago. I’m so, so sorry to the anon who requested it, and I hope you haven’t been going through a particularly hard time lately

Requested by anon: this might seem a lil weird but could u pretty pls write abt how skz would comfort you when you're stressed/having a panic attack? :(( u don't have to if u don't want to,, thanks bb!!!!

----

Bang Chan

- chan gets really really worried

- you’ve told him how many anxiety attacks you get, and he’s even been with you for maybe one or two of them since you two just started dating

- but he doesn’t fully know how yours work yet

- but he tries his best

- chan has noticed you’ve been on edge the entire day, so he does everything in his power to take off as much stress from you as he can

- but it was just some tiny little thing

- like you spill something while getting a drink, or accidentally trip over yourself

- just a tiny thing and you were off

- Chan comes straight to your side

- he was upstairs getting something and he hears you downstairs

- so he comes racing down, almost toppling over at how fast he’s trying to get to you

- and he just sees you on the floor of the living room, hyperventilating, crying, whatever it’s like for you

- and he just

- he’s trying really hard okay

- to help you

- and comfort you

- he does whatever you need him to do

- stay close to you, get something, play music, sing for you, cuddle you, assure you

- he’ll do anything

- It doesn’t matter how long it takes you to calm down, he’s fucking right there next to you for every single second of it

- doesn’t stop when you calm down. He’s still cuddling you. He just needs to know your okay because he really, really cares about you and wants to help you through whatever you’re going through

- “Are you sure you’re okay, baby? I’m here, you know that, yeah? I’ll always be here whenever you need me”

Woojin

- very very extremely protective

- especially if it happens in public

- you two were in a really crowded area

- and he just

- he gets really worried when you start clinging to him like dear life

- and he’ll hold you really close to him, making sure to try and make it so that you’re not touching anyone, or at least making as little physical contact with any strangers as possible

- then you two get broken up a bit by someone rushing past you

- and it starts

- no one notices since it’s so busy, but you’re still worried that everyone is looking at you

- and that only makes it worse

- you’re just hyperventilating in the middle of the streets, desperately trying not to cry and flinching at every little brush up against you

- and Woojin is just trying as hard as he can to push through the crowd to get to you

- finally, he does

- and he wraps his arms around you as tight as he can, pulling you towards his body, probably faces you to his chest so that you can hide your face as much as you want

- and he just walks you to a more secluded area

- doesn’t matter how late you two are to wherever you needed to be

- he just

- holds you

- and makes sure you’re alright

- gets some water

- probably, being himself, he researched some things like breathing exercises to help with anxiety attacks the second you told him that you got them a lot

- and he takes you through those

- or he probably discussed them with you beforehand as well and is just reminding you how to do them

- helps you ground yourself

- “Are you okay? It’s okay, just breathe. I’m here. You’re perfectly fine, just listen to me.”

Minho

- okay so you hadn’t really told Minho about the anxiety attacks yet

- you started dating Minho maybe a month ago so it hasn’t been a long time

- but still, during that time, you hadn’t gotten one anxiety attack, and that was a really big achievement

- really, being around Minho just made you feel safer

- Minho’s eccentric; he likes the attention to be on him, so when you’re with him, you feel like no one is paying attention to you, and that’s really how you like it best, just as long as you get attention from those close to you

- but one day it’s just bad

- there’s no reason for it. It’s just a bad day

- Minho comes over to surprise you because he can do what he wants

- and he finds you curled up in bed, or on the floor, wherever, just rocking back and forth

- you look a mess and it’s pretty early morning

- “Y/N? Baby? What’s wrong? What happened? Did something happen?”

- he asks a lot of questions

- which just makes it worse

- it stresses you out but Minho doesn’t really notice he just gets worried because you aren’t saying anything

- suddenly you start crying and hyperventilating

- he doesn’t know what’s happening

- then it kind of clicks

- and he just

- he feels horrible okay

- he takes care of you as much as he can, making sure you know that he’ll do absolutely anything you need him to do, stays close to you, tells you he’s sorry, tells you how amazing you are, he just does his best

- and it actually helps, because you rarely see Minho so genuinely worried

- once you’ve calmed down and he’s made sure you’re okay, he starts asking why you didn’t tell him sooner

- and he’s just

- he’s trying his best okay and he loves you very much and he’s just worried

Changbin

- Changbin I feel like...he’s had a lot of personal experience with this

- so he’d know how to take care of you well

- but the first time it happens, he’s just really really surprised

- he gets used to it quickly and picks up on what makes you feel better and what triggers it super well

- and he just

- he really really cares about you and he knows what it’s like first-hand to have anxiety attacks and he really hates to know that you know what it feels like first-hand as well

- you two had been dating for a while and pretty much live together but not officially you know

- he was just over at your apartment

- and you really seemed fine

- well he thought so at least

- you guys were doing everything you’d normally do

- cuddling, maybe watched a few movies, cooked together maybe (and I use ‘maybe’ very strongly on the cooking part)

- but then out of nowhere, you just get an overwhelming feeling of anxiety

- and invasive thoughts just flood your head

- and you break down

- “Y/N? are you okay? Y/N, stay with me. I’m here, I’m here. Look at me”

- you start hyperventilating and he immediately reacts

- squeezing your hands tightly, assuring you, making sure you know he’s there, like Woojin he probably takes you through some exercises or methods to help with anxiety attacks

- he’s very calm about it

- but still worried as hell don’t get me wrong, no matter how many times it happens, he’s just as worried as the first time it happened

- makes sure to take care of you and calm you down to the best of his ability every time

- and he does it really well

- overall, he just does a pretty much perfect job at helping you through everything

Hyunjin

- he’s...he’s very concerned...and worried...he has a lot of emotions okay

- you probably tell him straight away, you want him to know definitely what he’s getting himself into when he asks to be in a relationship with you

- he was slightly taken aback, he just thought you were nervous around strangers, but it doesn’t really stop him at all

- he assures you that he’s ready to deal with whatever you’re going through and will stick by you and help you through it

- he just looks so sincere that you don’t push it any further

- immediately, as soon as you two part ways that very same day, he starts researching everything he can to do with anxiety attacks

- he’s had a few before, but not ones severe enough or often enough to know fully what it’s like and what helps with them

- so he just

- he needs to know everything he can to help you

- the first time it happens, Hyunjin gets really really worried but he tries not to ask as many questions as his instincts tell him to

- his mind blanks slightly, even though he researched so much on the topic

- so instead he tries to comfort you with words and he reached out to grab your hand but you flinch away and he gets so scared that he hurt you somehow

- finally, he regains his memories and immediately tries to take you through things and exercises

- anything that might possibly help you

- finally, you calm down a tiny bit, and when Hyunjin slowly tries to hold your hand again, you don’t flinch away

- he squeezes your hand tightly

- “It’s okay, hey, I’m here, please just focus on me. See? You’re not alone”

- he’s trying his absolute best

- like I said before, he just has many, many emotions and is very worried for you but he does really well

Jisung

- I think Jisung also has a fair amount of personal experience on this

- definitely enough to understand

- Like Minho, Jisung’s eccentric personality helps put you at ease, especially when you two are in public

- The problem, however, is that Jisung wants to show you off because he loves you so much and thinks you deserve the world

- He can’t help himself one day and when the attention is on him, he grabs you and pulls you close to him, putting the attention on you as well

- Jisung immediately notices how you grip onto him far too tightly for it to be affectionate. Then he feels you shaking

- He looks down at your face and he immediately realises what’s happening

- without even saying anything to the people he’s talking with, he pulls you away from there, quickly taking you to someplace else

- by the time you two get there, it’s kicked in despite you not having any attention on you anymore

- Jisung sits you down and bends down, his heart breaking when he sees how horrified you are

- “Y/N, Y/N baby I’m so so sorry. I’m here, come, talk to me”

- he grabs your hands and squeezes them tightly, looking earnestly into your shaking eyes

- you’re positively shaking, tears threatening to spill

- Finally, after a pretty long time of sitting there, trying to properly breathe, with Jisung’s help, you calm down

- he stays silent for a while, pulling you into his embrace and just hugging you

- he doesn’t say that you should’ve told him sooner, he knows now and that’s all that matters 

- prepares accordingly for anything else in the future and tries his best to never, ever do anything that makes you uncomfortable like that again

Felix

- ...uhm...

- he just doesn’t know how to react

- now, he knows a lot about anxiety attacks and has experienced it himself as well, but not too many times

- when you told him about your anxiety, though, he actually wasn’t particularly surprised, he saw the signs for it beforehand

- he said that he wanted to help you as best he could and that it could never stop him from loving you

- when the time actually comes, however, he freezes up

- it’s only when he realises just how much you’re panicking that he springs into action

- the fact that you’re hyperventilating, seconds from tears and look like you’re about to throw up breaks his heart, and it makes him panic as well, though he still does everything you need

- immediately rushes to your side, looking at you earnestly and trying to soothe you

- “Y/N, please...It’s okay, I’m here...”

- like Chan, he will not leave your side unless it’s to get something for you

- gets everything you need, does anything you want

- and if you’re too panicked to talk, he’ll talk to you instead, telling you that he’s here, asking you to look into his eyes, holding your hand and squeezing it

- hugging you as well if it helps

- absolutely anything you want or need, he will get

- maybe sings for you, but only if you ask him to the first time, though, if he sees that his singing helps once, he’ll do it automatically for every anxiety attack in the future (does that make sense?)

- actively picks up on what triggers the attacks and what calms you down

- he’s trying really, really hard and he’s so glad that it seems to pay off

Seungmin

- Seungmin is usually a prankster right but as soon as you have an anxiety attack he turns into such kind, loving, caring, boyfriend that is extremely worried for you and your health

- and then afterwards he’ll turn into a therapist, but we’ll get to that later

- like Felix, he picked up on the signs beforehand, and wasn’t particularly surprised when you told him, but when it actually comes to it, his mind goes blank and he forgets how to react

- quickly regains his composure and runs up to you

- he’s really trying his best to stay composed and seem calm because that’s how he usually is and he feels like if you see that he’s panicking too that will only make you more panicked

- probably just has a lot of general knowledge on how to deal with anxiety attacks for absolutely no reason but he’s glad he has it

- takes you through exercises like a lot of the other members

- afraid to hold your hand in case it puts you more on edge, but eventually he does once he sees that you’ve calmed down

- “Hey you’re not alone. I’m here, right? I’m here. Look at me, please. It’ll be okay, just breathe”

- squeezes your hand to make sure you know he’s right next to you the entire time

- Seungmins can have a very calming presence when he wants to, so eventually, you do calm down

- finally, once you have, there’s a long stretch of silence

- and then he speaks

- and suddenly he’s serious again and starts being a therapist™

- asks what triggered it, what you were thinking, how he could’ve helped, etc.

- very purposefully learns everything that he can to help you specifically

- Seungmin is just tryna be calm for you, but he actually gets super worried

- tries his best to comfort you and learn as much about your anxiety as he can

Jeongin

- he

- he wouldn’t know how to react

- at all

- you definitely told him about your anxiety attacks before you actually had one in front of him because you knew that if you had one and he didn’t know what was going on, he’d freak the fuck out

- he kind of freaks the fuck out anyways, despite having a little bit of experience with this himself

- especially if it’s in public

- you two were just out, but suddenly the place had begun to get extremely crowded

- Jeongin worriedly looks over to you, tensing when he sees you’re shaking

- he immediately takes hold of your hand, but he doesn’t know what to do after that

- it takes a while to kick in that he should definitely take you to a more secluded area, but once he realises that, he gets you there as quick as possible

- you were just hyperventilating, and the hand that Jeongin was holding ws sweaty beyond belief, and everything just started feeling itchy or overheated or claustrophobic

 - he sits you down and grabs your other hand, looking earnestly into your eyes, trying not to show you how panicked he is

- he’s definitely afraid of fucking up and making things worse

- he doesn’t know what to say

- “are you ok? I’m here, I’m here. Please breathe, it’s ok, no one else is here”

- very very very relieved when you start calming down

- he just pulls you into a really tight hug afterwards

- he wants to help but he doesn’t really know how to, just give him some time and he’ll get the hang of it

[blacknovelist]

sup ok here’s the promised details on uhhhhhh All for One in @guardianlioness​‘s and I’s Ageswap Mess, formed by collaborative headcanon jamming on discord and then roughly paraphrased via a run thru the unfortunate Quadruple Lengthening Filter that’s built into my brain bc I’m incapable of being brief.

(something of an expansion on this post and this ask. Nooooot spoiler free, actually pretty spoilers, idk, will pop it under a readmore bc who knows how long I’m gonna go on also)

ALSO!! I can’t at u but @randommly-passing-mia u asked forever ago about Toshinori and AfO’s relationship in this AU and i answered what I could then but I’m pleased to announce this goes more into that bc I knew Very Little back then. :)

So, All for One! Now, I feel it appropriate to note that the previous post I made regarding the history of OfA in Ageswap, as well as just about everything I’ve posted abt AfO and OfA for Ageswap (except for the linked ask above, obv) was made before the arc with the League of Villains and Shigaraki’s backstory all came out. Now that we’ve got some of those contexts, we can go a little further in fleshing everything else out, which we did, a little, today.

Pls keep in mind that Ageswap’s goal is not and never has been to make a direct 1:1 translation of adults to kids and vice versa -- good lord we’d have a lot of empty spaces if we were doing that. So, uh. Anyway. it’s time for “we make a mess of the characters and also the timeline and the plot because it’s Our City Now”

Student AfO is a different creature to small Toshinori of our au. For the purposes of this post we’ll call him AfO, because while I’d love to just jump into referring to him as Shigaraki there’s a lot of confusions that lie down that road. Also, again, we’re calling mr heckhands mcmike Tomura, because Shigaraki is a name with Weight.

Because canon parallels, Ageswap AfO has a little brother who we’re making Kyudai Garaki/the Good Doctor and also quirkless for our purposes (whether he’s AfO’s biological brother is up in the air, we haven’t settled yet). Garaki has something of an intense obsession with quirks, constantly studying and doing research, not unlike Izuku, and the age gap between him and AfO is... about six years. Now, because AfO had already manifested a quirk of his own and that quirk had fearsome potential, One for All was originally going to be passed on to his brother, because before Ageswap Izuku, OfA had strictly been handed down to trained members of the family.

Tomura was a member of the group that had, through the generations, been working to fight against the users of One for All. To hit them where it hurt, he attacked Izuku’s mentor’s (we’ll call them the Mentor) home with a group of League fighters. When he found out there was a quirkless boy, and a second one who was all but quirkless for all that he’d been told to avoid using his own powers, he quickly took them in under the League’s wing -- both in an act of cruelty against OfA and out of some misguided sympathy for the boys.

The fearsome thing is the toxicity of the relationships Tomura formed with the League, and eventually with the boys. He meant well, when he took them in, but whatever this version of him went through... well, just about all his relationships are some level of manipulative and unhealthy by default. See: his tendency for physical closeness and being tactile, as mentioned in the ask.

He’s firmly of an opinion along the lines of “if you’ve got the power, and you know you have the power, and you’re not using it to do whatever you can or want, then why do you even have it?” and, for all of AfO’s childhood, Tomura tried his hardest to share this with AfO and sway the kid to his side. With the Mentor having dropped off the grid and abandoned the Shigaraki name in grief, AfO and his brother had nowhere else to go, but AfO was a smart and cautious kid: he couldn’t just listen without a fight, or a reason.

(AfO didn’t know Tomura meant to kill them, that he attacked their home on purpose. When he eventually finds out, he firmly believes Tomura meant to save them)

But Tomura’s persistent, and he doesn’t stop, and eventually he points out: if All for One is a quirk that allows him to take and give quirks, does that not mean he can seek out the perfect quirk for his little brother? All the reasons he’s suffered, AfO has the power to fix that.

That’s the thing that sways AfO to their side, that convinces him to stay with the League and learn under Tomura. Because if it’s for family, isn’t it worth it?

(AfO sees Tomura as a teacher, as a friend, as someone beloved and important. Shigaraki was AfO’s name, but it can be Tomura’s too, if Tomura wants. Then everyone knows they’re family. And Tomura accepts it -- another spit in the face of an enemy, a welcomed token from a beloved student. Shigaraki is a good name for the rest of the world to use, but Tomura, Tomura is a name for the League and the League alone.)

AfO tries, at first, to find other quirks for his brother while he trains, while his brother studies (while Tomura tries to sway Garaki to their side also, because look at what you know, what you could do with that knowledge, combined with your brother’s quirk, you’re so young and so so smart-). OfA is gone beyond the League’s sight, in the hands of the Symbol of Peace, so there’s no point on dwelling on it, really, surely another quirk would work better?

But then One for All comes back around, in the hands of this blond... nobody. His brother’s quirk, running around in a stranger. AfO continues to hunt potential quirks down for his brother and his brother’s studies, but he has a new goal: to try and claim OfA back and give it to who it really belongs to.

the problem of course being that he can’t take it by force like every other quirk, and killing Toshinori would merely render it lost forever.

Essentially, AfO’s primary grudge against Toshinori is the fact that he’s the current bearer of a quirk that, in AfO’s eyes, should belong to Garaki. And Toshinori’s quirklessness, or past quirklessness... is easy to know when you know the secret of One for All.

Some good stuff gets said abt AfO vs Toshinori in this answer here I think, and I’m drawing on it: Toshinori’s more instinct and heart to AfO’s logic and strategy. That’s not to say, obv, that neither of them draw on the other quality, but it’s what stands out most to me about the two of them and just, kind of their general dynamic (or at least, that’s how it seems).

USJ was a subtle message laid beneath a louder declaration. Two-for-one, if you will. “Wouldn't it be so nice to have a quirk that fit better in your hands? that didn't fritz or go funky whenever you so much as turned your head? A quirk you might not even have to coax and strain and train and change your body for?”

But AfO does not confront Toshinori until much later, until after the sports festival. See, the mall incident in this AU is a scene on bargaining.

He confronts Toshinori at the mall -- his face is not known, and it’s a simple matter to pull him off to the side. But there won’t be fighting here today. No, he only came to talk.

Questions, first. About Toshinori, his experience with One for All, what he thinks of other people’s quirks. About what it was like for him, growing up quirkless, left abandoned by so many people for it. Eventually, his conversation circles back around. I have a little brother. He’s quirkless, just like you. You know what he went through, what he suffered.

All for One even did his research, is even willing to play by rules closer to Toshinori’s own: tucked under his arm is a folder, with lists upon lists of people. Villains with sentences for life, villains under the death sentence, people who would have no life of returning to the world ever again. People who don’t have a reason to use their quirks any longer. People for whom it wouldn’t matter if he took their quirks anyway. “Take your pick,” he offers Toshinori. “I’ll give you whatever quirk you’ve ever wanted. I’ll even take it from a villain so none of your precious civilians have to suffer the loss — but that one belongs to my little brother.”

And, well. We all know he says no.

Why would Toshinori hang onto a quirk that isn’t even his? All the people out there, bearing the quirks that his brother and even his greatest enemy were robbed of at birth, and AfO has the power to grant both Toshinori and Garaki the power that they’d dreamed of, that belongs to them. He knows what it means to suffer without a quirk. Why won’t Toshinori let him fix that?

and idk specifically what Toshi would say, but I think it’s something along the lines of “no one asks for what they're born with or given, but we make the most of it anyway. That's how we're supposed to live.“

Anyway Toshinori and All for One hate each other SO fucking much but. Unfortunately, also just kind of Get Each Other on some level. Like, they despise one another but also, if there’s one thing they can believe in, it’s that the other will always Be The Way They Are. Friendly Enemyship, if you will.

There’s some level of pity that AfO also holds on the percieved coldness of Toshinori’s relationship to his mentor, Izuku. Izuku is... really awkward, in his relationship with Toshi, and while Izuku loves his student very much he has a hard time showing it -- and Toshinori thinks so poorly of himself, it’s hard to grasp how close they are from the outside sometimes. AfO totally tries to recruit Toshinori to their side, even after he figures they’re Tight and also even though he knows Toshinori won’t ever say yes. Like, he hates the guy, but that doesn’t mean he wouldn’t be a kickass ally.

Tomura would like Toshinori and AfO says as much to his face. “You’re more like him than I am, anyway. You can act without overthinking. And he wouldn’t care if you were quirkless. He doesn’t with my brother.”

(Toshinori hates that. He isn’t, he isn’t he isn’t like him at all.)

Tomura has also more or less promised AfO that, at the end of his lifespan, his student should take on Decay. AfO, of course, doesn’t want that and is on the hunt for a good longevity quirk to give to his mentor

In the end, the way All for One is kind of being played in this AU is something not so far off from Anakin Skywalker.

In Lioness’ words:

Noble in his desire to keep his family alive

But horribly misdirected

[juptrrr]

• ok

• so

• u and jisung has grew up together

• like,,, u could never be separated

• it was kinda cute :D

• u were best friends

• u told each other everything

• high school came and u were as close as ever

• whenever u were on your p*riod he would show up at ur door with junk food and movies and cuddles 🥺

• whenever u were sad he would always be there for u

• there was a time where u were having a mental breakdown at 3am and he snuck out of his house to come and give u a hug

• jisung was the best hugger ON GOD

• he would hold u as tight as he could without hurting u bc being hurt is bad

• and he’d lay his head on top of yours and rock you side do side i’m soft

• anyway

• one night u were at jisungs house because u guys were having ur weekly sleepover

• u were both cuddled up on his bed watching flushed away lmao

• and u don’t know how it happened

• but u found urself staring at him and taking in his features

• his large doe eyes were so focussed on the tv and they were glIstEniNg you SWEAR

• the way his hair came over his eyes a little bit ;(((

• and his big big cheeks omg u just felt like grabbing his face and squishing him because he’s just so cute

• u never thought of him that way before so u were surprised at urself

• you leant back into his arms and thought to urself

• do i have a crush on jisung???? that’s disgusting ew

• u thought to urself

• a week later all u could think about my was that night and how soft he looked pls 🤚😭

• u decided to give it a while before acknowledging the fact u did indeed, have a crush on jisung

• the guy that pours water on u to wake u up

• the guy that sleeps w his mouth wide open ready to catch flies

• the guy that farted at ur family dinner

• haha

• a while turned into a whole 2 months

• and to say u were officially whipped™ was an understatement

• you wanted to confess

• but u didn’t know what to do bc you’d never confessed to someone before

• so you needed advice

• BUT JISUNG WAS UR ONLY FRIEND

• so poor u didn’t know what to do 😭

• u started getting all nervous and blushy around him 🥺

• now one day u grew a pair of balls

• and they weren’t that big

• they actually weren’t big at all u were shitting yourself to ask jisung this question

• u walked up to his house in all confidence and walked straight in with ur spare key to his house

• and u went straight up to his room

• he was playing fortnite what a loser

• he looked up for a second and smiled at you before carrying on

• THAT SMILE

• bruh u were going through it

• u sat next to him on his bed and he turned off his tv to face u

• “what brings u here today” 👋😔

• he asked u and laid back against his head board

• he noticed ur nervous expression and tilted his head

• “what’s wrong”

• u blew out the breath u didn’t know u were holding and looked him in the eyes

• “how do u tell someone u like them,,,, like a lot”

• his eyes widened at ur question and he sat up, leaning into u

• he smirked and you pulled away slightly

• “who is it first”

• u panicked

• u didn’t know what to say oh my god what do u say

• he sat there waiting for your answer

• u were a MESS

• well u didn’t look like one on the outside but on the inside... 😳

• u were BURNING and trying to come up with something to say

• he beat u to it

• “it’s hyunjin isn’t it? you know i could just tell him for you i mean it’s not that hard i-“

• u put ur hand over his mouth to shut him up and he licked ur hand

• u gave him a look of disgust and wiped it on his face before carrying on

• “i’m not telling u who it is i just need help”

• poor jisung

• he looked so sad and betrayed 🤝😔

• rip jisung 2k19

• he agreed to help u anyway

• “i have an idea :D”

• his ideas weren’t always good so now u were worried again

• he carried on

• “use me :D!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

• u stared at him in bewilderment

• u also didn’t know what he meant????

• he noticed and eLaBoRaTed

• “pretend i’m ur crush!! confess to me”

• u stared at his eyes

• now was NOT the time but u couldn’t help it

• something was wrong with ur bffie oh no 😔

• his eyes weren’t sparkling like they always were and when he asked u to use him he didn’t seem at all excited :(

• u shrugged it off saying you’d ask him abt it later 🤝🤝

• “okay”

• u agreed to use him as ur ‘pretend crush’

• he waited for u to start

• and now u suddenly felt confident

• so u held his hand and looked him in the eyes and started to play with his fingers

• “jisung”

• he was staring back at u all confused bc ??? this seemed a bit intimate for a fake confession ????

• “i think you’re the most charismatic person i’ve ever met, every moment i get i take in ur every feature and i just cant help but wonder how someone like you puts up with someone like me bc ur just so perfect”

• bla bla all that cute stuff

• in the middle of ur fake confession

• he realised

• it was not a fake confession

• u were confessing to him

• HIM.

• baby jisung here liked u ever since u became friends

• he thought you held the sun wherever u went

• u were his whole world

• u noticed mid speech how his eyes regained the sparkle he had lost 🥺

• and he was smiling at u

• “anyway what i was trying to say, is i like you jisung. like a lot”

• he wrapped u up into his arms and pulled u back onto his bed and just hugged you for a few minutes

• he finally looked u in the eyes and kissed ur forehead

• “i like u too”

• u stayed like that for the rest of the day

• just there in each other’s arms talking about everything and anything

• u were both the happiest your ever been

• thanks to each other

[supernovaspidey]

I feel safer in your arms

               Pairing: Peter Parker x Reader

               Summary: You have been MIA for over a week, and Peter and Ned are trying to figure out what they did that could possibly make you ignore them for so long. It took one party at Flash’s place and an inconvenient Brad Davis to make you finally go off.

               Author’s note: hey, guys. It took a lot for me to post this, the main plot is based on a personal experience I’ve been through, and I decided to write about it as a way of dealing with the shitty situation. I tried to make the emotions as realistic as possible, in order to express my feelings, but I’m not exactly a great writer and English is not my mother language, so please be patient with me if I’ve made some mistakes throughout the story. Make sure to tell me what you thought about the story, it would make me really happy. Also, if any of you have been through a similar experience and want to talk, hit me up, I’m sure we can help each other, I certainly do need some help lmao

               Dedicated to: my favorite blogs! @infamous-webhead @justauthoring @userspidey @imnotobsessedwithhim @tomhreads @peterjonesparker @soulspideys@spideyxchelle (I know some of you might be weirded out because I have never interacted with you but i am in love with your blogs, i’m  just rly shy, anyways hope you enjoy xo) and @lousimusician (U R THE BEST OMG as I said in your ask previously I am in love with your blog and your work fuckkkkkk, you are awesome and rly sweet ❤️)

               Warnings: angst, mentions of harassment, slight PTSD, slight swearing, fluff (I SWEAR!!!), Peter Parker being the clueless human being on Earth, but also the cutest, protective!Peter, Ned is just a sweetheart I love him

               Word count: 2961

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               - Dude, what’s going on? Did you two have a fight or something? Because if you did, I swear to God I’ll…

               - Ned! Stop freaking out on me, man. You are making me worse than I already am. And no, we didn’t have a fight or anything like that. I honestly don’t know what’s going on. – Peter was clearly hurt and worried.

               - Sorry, it’s just that… it’s been a week. I miss her. I wonder what you did wrong this time. – Ned looked really judgmental and Peter wasn’t having it.

               - What is that supposed to mean?

               - Come on, dude. You may be her best friend but she clearly has a thing for you and every time she gets somewhat flirty, your oblivious self, despite being completely obsessed with her as well, always screw things up and she gets mad, so… what did you do this time?

               - She doesn’t… have a thing for me. – Peter’s cheeks started getting red with the suggestion.

               - Whatever helps you sleep at night. And that’s not the point! What. Did. You. Do?

               - Nothing, I swear! One night we were fine texting each other and then… She just isolated everyone. She’s been ignoring me since then but I promise I didn’t do anything wrong, I even checked our conversation. Here! – Peter grabbed his phone so fast it almost fell, unblocked it, and clicked on your contact, he didn’t think it was right to show Ned your conversation but the need to prove his innocence was stronger.

               (y/n): “wassup, arachnid?”

               (Peter): “(y/n) could u pls come up with a better nickname? That one’s awful :(“

               (y/n): “i’m working on it, but until I find the perfect one u’ll just have to get used to this mediocre-quality one lol”

               You guys kept talking about nonsenses until you told him you needed to go.

               (y/n): “gotta go, family gathering at gram’s. try not to cry because u miss me so much, I’ll be back I promise :p”

               (Peter): “well I’ll try but idk if I will be able to go through the next couple of hours without you annoying the life out of me. It’ll be so hard :(“

               (y/n): “damn ur heartless. Anyways bye, arachnid xo”

               (Peter): “S T O P”

               (Peter): “are you still at your grandma’s place? It’s like 2 a.m.”

               (Peter): “(y/n)???”

               (Peter): “if ur mad about me calling u annoying i’m sorryyy”

               (Peter): “:(“

               (Peter): “you weren’t at class today. everything okay? just checking, I’m worried abt u”

               (Peter): “u missed a Chem assignment today, I’m paired up with you, it’s nothing out of this world but we need to talk abt it”

               (Peter): “hey… listen u’ve been MIA for almost a week, now idk what’s going on but you can talk to me, let me help”

               (Peter): “Ned and I went over to your place to talk to you but your mom didn’t let us in. pls tell me what’s going on”

               - Damn, Peter…

               - What? – He was certain he didn’t do anything wrong but after showing Ned the texts he got a little insecure. After all, he never realized when he was messing things up, he just got super nervous and started rambling nonstop until shit hit the fan.

               - You guys are so flirty, it’s so disgusting, just ask her out already, geez.

               - Ned!

               - Okay okay, well, I admit, I didn’t see anything wrong, except for you clearly trying to flirt with her and being a total failure.

               - Shut up.

               They were sitting at their usual table in the cafeteria, theorizing about what made you go off on them. Both of them were uneasy, you were their best friend and they liked you too much to just let you push them away like this. Peter was particularly off, at the same time he was dying of worries, he was pissed at you. After all the mad shit you’ve been through together, he’d think you cared about him enough not to just ignore his complete existence out of nowhere. To be honest he was hurt about the fact that you didn’t like him as much as he liked you.

               - Yo, assholes. – Flash just jumped up at your table. – I’m trying to do some community service, so as my first act of kindness I will allow you to go to my party tomorrow. My place at 10. Don’t be weird or I’ll change my mind and kick you out of there.  Make sure (y/n) is there, she’s a sight I’d like to see at my place. See ya, losers.

               As fast as Flash got to their table, he went away, not giving the boys an opportunity to answer. Peter closed his fists so hard at the mention of your name that his knuckles turned white. Ned simply rolled his eyes and told Peter to forget about it.

               Peter took his cellphone again and opened your chat. It had been one day since he last texted you and tried to go to your place, so he was thinking whether he should tell you about the party or not. A part of him was angry and didn’t want to text you because of the shit you’ve been making him go through, but the other part was hopeful you’d show up at Flash’s and finally give him an opportunity to talk to you. He decided he missed you too much and would take any chance he could to see you. So he sent you the text.

               (Peter): “hey, Flash is throwing a party tomorrow night and he invited us. yes. all of us. anyway, it’ll be at 10. hope you show up.”

               There. Plain and simple. A loud sigh left Peter’s mouth as he hit his head on the table.

               - It’s okay, dude. She’ll be there. Don’t stress about it.

               (…)

               - Do you see her? – It was the fifth time Ned poked Peter and asked the same question. Peter felt like he was about to lose it.

               - No, dude. I’ve been looking directly at the door and she still hasn’t shown up.

               - She will come, Peter. Don’t worry. Hey, do you think Betty would be impressed with this hat I’m wearing?

               - Uhm, sure! Why don’t you go over to her?

               - Are you sure? You’ll be okay? I know (y/n) is always the one who makes you company… - Ned was about to start rambling but Peter was quick to stop him laughing.

               - Ned, I’m fine. Now go get your girl.

               - Yeah yeah, you should go get yours too, you know. Look who just showed up. – Ned pointed to the door.

               And there you were, with all your non-glory, and an alarm rang in Peter’s head almost instantaneously. The first thing he noticed was your clothing. You were wearing a jacket, which was not usual for you, who is always complaining about how hot it is, even if it´s freezing. The next thing he noticed was your body, you were thinner, not enough to make everyone notice, but he for sure did, and he for sure got worried right away. The last thing he noticed was your face. He always admired you for being so outgoing and confident, but now you looked scared and insecure, constantly looking to your sides, like the walls had spikes and the room was slowly getting smaller around you.

               After scanning the whole room, your eyes met Peter’s, he was beside Ned, looking straight at you, you forced a side smile and walked up to them.

               - Peter, Ned… Hi. – You looked really shy, something was definitely off.

               - Hey, (y/n)! Oh my God I missed you so much, where have you been? We thought you were mad at us. – Ned was as agitated as he was when he talked about Betty. You couldn’t help but smile at how excited your best friend was to see you.

               - I… I was sick, really sick. You know how it is… - You looked at Peter, but he had his eyes fixed on the floor, looking upset.

               - Of course you were. – He sighed and you felt the sarcasm in his voice.

               - Excuse me?

               - I’m not buying that, (y/n). If you really were sick you would tell us, you know, your best friends.

               - Yo, don’t put me into this mess, I’m going to talk to Betty now. But (y/n), I’ll talk to you later, okay? So happy to see you again! – Ned was quick to flee the situation, leaving you and Peter alone. You grabbed his hand and took him to the pool area, where there were less people.

               - Start talking, Parker.

               - What?

               - You were pretty quick to shoot me a snarky comment inside, so I guess you have a lot to say, right? Start talking.

               - I… I don’t have…

               - Peter, talk!

               - Why… Why would you ignore me for over a week? You were so sick you couldn’t grab your phone? And if you really were sick, why didn’t your mom tell us right away? I was so upset with you I wasn’t even going to tell you about the party, but I missed you and was worried about you and wanted to see you, and you lie to my face?

               - I shouldn’t have ignored you, I know. I’m sorry. I really am. But you want to talk about lying? What about all the times you lied right to my face for almost a year, huh? The Stark Internship, the Washington shit, me being stood up by you countless times, what about that? You didn’t tell me about the spider shit, I figured it out by myself. And it’s okay if you didn’t want to tell me, that’s your business, but don’t point your finger at me talking about fucking honesty. – Peter’s face was sad and angry at the same time as you threw the words at him.

               - You know, I only came to this shitty party to see you. – You stared right into his eyes. – I missed you and wanted to have a good time with you, but I guess that’s not going to happen so leave me alone. – At the moment Peter saw tears wanting to leave your eyes, he knew something was wrong, and that he had messed up. Big time.

               - (y/n), wait! – He tried to hold you but you sprinted back inside the house, leaving him with his thoughts.

               You were grabbing a snack at the kitchen, when you felt someone breathing down your neck. You froze instantly, trying to push away the memories. You turned and in front of you was Brad Davis. He was a good guy, but he was drunk and an alarm rang in your head.

               - What the fuck? Back off, Brad.

               - Hey, (y/n)! Long time no see, wanna dance? – He placed his hands on your shoulder, and the memories came flooding you as you tried pushing them away.

               - No.

               - Come here, I missed you. – He then pulled you in for a hug. At the moment you felt his hands on your back and waist, and smelled the alcohol exhaling from his mouth, you just couldn’t fight the memories any longer. It was like you were back your grandma’s house all over again, you started to shiver, your heart felt like it was going to go out of your chest and your vision turned black.

               - Get off of me! – You couldn’t stop yourself. You shoved him away aggressively, and punched him right in his face. It was like you were stuck in your own body, not being able to control it.

               You realized what you did when he hit the floor, nose bleeding.

               - I’m… I’m so sorry… I… - The music had stopped, you looked up and everyone was looking at you. Then you saw him. Peter. You immediately ran away and grabbed a cab down the street, ignoring Peter’s screams calling you and asking you to wait.

               By the time you got home, you were crying uncontrollably. You laid in bed and let everything sink in. You knew going to the party was a mistake but you did it anyway. Fucking stupid little girl.

               - (y/n), let me in. – You looked at your window and saw Peter with his suit on, how could he have changed clothes so fast?

               You went over and opened the window. He got in, you turned around as he changed clothes once more. You turned around again when he was done and sat on the bed. He sat beside you.

               - So, I’m an idiot. I know. – He looked at you with puppy hazel eyes and you couldn’t help but laugh a bit. – (y/n)… what happened? Please, I beg you to talk to me.

               So, you started talking immediately. The more you talked, the more you cried. You talked about how when at your grandma’s, while the whole family was going to take a picture, your old drunk cousin grabbed you by the arm to be closer to him, and started walking down your body with his hand, making you freeze with terror. You talked about how you felt like you couldn’t move or scream, about how hard he was squeezing your arm, leaving a bruise after. You talked about how you felt used, dirty, and weak, about how you should have done something, anything, but instead you stayed there like a scared little girl. You talked about how you were afraid of people touching you now, and how afraid you were of hurting people, and how that’s exactly what happened. You hurt someone, Brad. And finally, you talked about how you were feeling like your worst version of yourself, and didn’t want anyone to see that, especially Peter.

               He listened to everything quietly, and only after you finished talking was when he realized he wasn’t breathing and that you had grabbed his hand at some point. He didn’t know what to say, all he felt was hatred, so he started crying.

               - I’m so sorry, I made this whole thing about me when you were hurting so much. – You squeezed his hand when you heard he say that.

               - Listen, it’s not your fault. I shouldn’t have ignored you, I just didn’t want you to see the mess I am right now.

               - You are not a mess. It’s not your fault this happened to you. You are the strongest person that I’ve ever known, you are the utter best version of yourself and that’s one of the many reasons why I really like you and… - He suddenly stopped when he realized what he said.

               Shit.

               - You know… as a friend… my best friend! You are my best friend and I like you as my best friend and… - He stopped on his tracks when he felt you hugging him, he didn’t know what to do so he slowly and gently put his arms around you, making sure you were comfortable.

               (…)

                 After that night, things didn’t get better, but they got less worse. Peter and Ned were the only people you were comfortable with, and Peter was the only one you were physically comfortable with. You didn’t think it was possible to be closer than you were before, but it happened. Peter was super protective of you, and he didn’t even noticed. He would always hold your hand when you were walking, and would always make sure you felt safe. Every time he noticed you being anxious, he would grab your hand and caress it with his thumb, or he would play with your hair and whisper “it’s okay, I’m here with you. You are okay” into your ear. He made you feel safe, and he also made you feel weird things, mushy and warm things. He looked at you differently, you knew it, and it always made you feel like your stomach was upside down, but in a great way.

               One day, you, Peter and Ned were at the cafeteria talking, you and Peter were holding hands when you felt hands on your shoulders. You stopped moving right away

               - (y/n), nice work on that assignment! – Your Chemistry teacher said and left without letting you respond.

               Peter and Ned looked at you, clear worriedness stamped on their faces. You started to breathe heavily, your heartbeat started racing, you started shaking and your eyes got wet. Peter quickly grabbed your hand and took you away.

               He took you to the janitor’s closet, the closest thing to the cafeteria. It was so small you were pressed against each other, but Peter didn’t care about that. All he cared about was you. When he closed the door, you started sobbing.

               - Hey, hey it’s okay, I’m here. You are okay. No one’s going to hurt you, okay? I promise. – He hold you tight in his arms.

               - I… I feel dirty.

               - Here – he stood in front of you, took off his sweater, staying only with his nerdy shirt, and swept it over your shoulders. – I’m cleaning them, see? They’re clean. You’re not dirty, you are perfect.

               He wiped your tears away and started caressing your cheek, cupping your face with his hands.

               - I’m here and I’ll always be here. You are okay.

               - I’m… I’m okay.

               - See? Everything’s going to be okay. – He hugged you once more.

               - Peter? – You called against his chest.

               - Huh? – He didn’t let you go.

               - Thank you. I… I really like you too. You know, as my best friend… - You felt his heart racing. – You know what I mean.

               He let you out of his arms to look at you. He knew what you meant, he remembered the day he almost confessed his feelings, but he thought you wouldn’t have realized.

               He kept his hazel eyes glued at yours, and you could swear he was seeing through your soul at that moment. He smiled, his face lit up. You smiled. You don’t know how long you guys stayed there, but it felt like eternity and it wasn’t enough.

[kakashibestie]

1, 17, 22

whoa i accidentally clicked on one of the links i was going to list here and the entire answer was deleted i want to SCREAM…

anyway, thank u and i hope u don’t mind this being a lengthy answer

1. if someone wanted to really understand you, what would they read, watch, and listen to?

read 

the glass essay by anne carson (no other piece of literature has managed to give me the sense of…comfort this poem gives me thus far in my life sooo there’s that)

this poem by warsan shire

a couple entries of the ny times modern love column that i feel have…somehow changed me (1 & 2)

this poem i wrote at 1:30am a couple weeks or so after my last Breakup rly sums Me up

watch 

THE FIRST STAR WARS MOVIE because luke skywalker in it is literally me 

legally blonde is me but Better

and jackie (w/natalie portman) because she…i feel like she gets it like it’s…it’s…like i don’t want to spoil it too much but she smokes throughout the whole movie…like A Lot, and there’s a scene that kinda goes like this: the interviewer mentions he’ll write how she lights up another cigarette she looks him dead in the eye, answers his previous question, puts out the cigarette she’s been smoking and LITERALLY says “and i don’t smoke” as she does it like…her mind her MIND!!!! like that’s…something i could definitely see myself doing because i do smoke but not a lot and i could totally get away with saying i dont just for the SAKE of it! there are a few other moments throughout the film that make me go holy shit…she…understands, and the fun thing about it is that she’s someone ive kinda looked up to since i first learned abt her existence, but the way the movie turns her into a…sort of grittier, less polished version of herself is what rly rly does it for me. like once somebody told me i was like jackie kennedy but with messy hair—i’d like to add the fact that i Swear a lot to that description and it’d be…just perfect

now that we’re onto this please watch Her 1962 white house tour for some good ‘ol asmr

here’s a letterboxd list with some of my favorite films of all time

as for tv shows i recently watched the politician on netflix and oof…#me, i also love project runway??? because fashion jkfhdjkfsf

also um like it’s never enough Imagery™ with me sooo lana del rey’s national anthem music video is..yeah, and now that we’re on youtube pls watch ajayll’s melodrama album reaction, that’s me babey

this youtube video literally DONT ask what it is just watch it it changed my life and i hope it changes yours…very tender lots of yearning included

listen 

my favorite song of ALL TIME (pls watch the music video as well pls watch the music video as well please watch the music video as well) and my favorite love song of all time (lyrics here pls read them)

a few songs about ME, off the top of my head: vienna by billy joel, abbey by mitski, primadonna by marina, i wanna get better by bleachers

THE ON BEING WITH KRISTA TIPPETT PODCAST!!!!! i’ve found such….comfort and like…rly rly valuable knowledge listening to it and i just, idk i’ve been listening to it for only a few months (like 4 i think…) but i feel like it’s already impacted my life in a deep, positive way!

17. would you say your tumblr is a fair representation of the “real you”?

i think so yeah, i mean it’s a mixture of yknow everything i find pleasing with the occasional mental breakdown posts added to it

22. list the top five things you spend the most time doing, in order.

OH this is hard…being in college should be the First one but i will not count it

listening to music

watching yt videos (some of the channels im subscribed to are pbs space time, the school of life, bon appetit, this hairstylist called brad mondo, simplynailogical

being on social media (i don’t have a Working phone rn so i do everything on desktop and the sites i use the most are tumblr and facebook mostly bc i use to message classmates/friends and my mom lmao)

looking up stuff online, mostly clothes i’ll probs never buy but like i save stuff in wishlists and sometimes download images to a folder i’ve called “fashion ref”…lmao

sleeping

identity ask………oh shit

[ua-monoma]

[[ hi here’s a text convo me and dani were having during the iimono text convo woohoo feelings ]]

小林 未郁Last Sunday at 4:16 AM

iida's definition of alright is "im not completely hurting to the point where it is hard to do or think abt anything else"

rickyLast Sunday at 4:17 AM

THATS A BAD DEFINITION IIDA

小林 未郁Last Sunday at 4:17 AM

if he can do his duties without being hindered he's "alright"

rickyLast Sunday at 4:18 AM

like tbh monoma's big feels rn are like 

 1) i wanna communicate but it feels like iida doesnt actually communicate with me ever 

2) i wanna be honest but it feels like iida isnt being honest with me 

3) i've been opening up a lot which im! proud of!! i can face my emotions now! but iida isnt facing HIS emotions with me and i thought uHh being a couple means we do that together so i guess i'll go fuck myselfsdfskhdgbg

but ALSO from an outside perspective iida Does Communicate and Is Honest... way more than monoma perceives it but monoma sucks. at being able to identify it

A L S O he cant stand iida taking care of him so much sfhgbsfbhsg hes starting to feel rly coddled and he Does Not Like It

and thats largely just cuz hes so unstable and feels guilty about it now that hes more aware of it and wants to either just shut down and stop emoting around iida or, like, he wants to get to take care of iida if/when he ever breaks down cuz then it'll be Equals

kdfgdfhbdfgs i just had a hunch and it was right, monoma is actually older than iida sdfbjhgs

小林 未郁Last Sunday at 4:22 AM

WAIT HE IS

HES OLDER,

rickyLast Sunday at 4:27 AM

but yeah i think the other thing is that monoma wants stuff from iida but like has not been able to rly voice it (i feel like this is the first time he has ever talked like This Much about emotional bullshit) but also TBH he feels brushed aside every time iida gives him one of his lil speeches

cuz he doesnt respond very well to positivity and also will just latch onto the negative aspects

小林 未郁Last Sunday at 4:30 AM

WOW then u have iida whos just like "dude im not a fuckign mind reader tell me what u want"

rickyLast Sunday at 4:30 AM

WHICH I KNOW BUT HE'S WORKING ON IT.....

iida: communicate pls monoma: ok heres a big rambling post about stuff i feel iida: ok thats nice. can you communicate with me pls tho monoma: I JUST DID HSDFKGGBDFSG I'LL JUST GO FUCK MYSELF THEN I GUESS--

^ is how he feels

also hes scared of the Boyfriend Conversation

which i think i've told you before, hes scared cuz of the sex addiction thing but also,

ppl keep coercing him to sex and he doesnt wanna date iida and then be coerced into Officially Cheating,,, pseudo cheating isnt acceptable either but at least like,,, hes Technically not betraying him,

小林 未郁Last Sunday at 4:36 AM

THE RAMBLING THING isnt clear to iida bc its like yes that is how he feels but he is not telling me What He Wants From Me

rickyLast Sunday at 4:37 AM

YEAH thats what i noticed today +_+!!!

小林 未郁Last Sunday at 4:38 AM

its like monoma is offering his stance but not a solution or a compromise

rickyLast Sunday at 4:38 AM

monoma doesnt rly know that's what he's supposed to do hjbsjfsg

小林 未郁Last Sunday at 4:38 AM

does iida have to spell it out

rickyLast Sunday at 4:38 AM

y es

like, the last thing iida said kind of made monoma be like

wait lemme look at it again

ok he said he wanted to know the reasons behind his actions and monoma was like,,,,wha--

cuz... 1) theres like never actually a reason and 2) he didnt know iida wanted that from him

小林 未郁Last Sunday at 4:40 AM

H

rickyLast Sunday at 4:40 AM

like monoma barely even recognizes half his actions cuz theyre all based on impulses and tbh if nobody pointed them out he'll just move on like nothing's happened

like he compartmentalizes,,, s o much,,,,,, and then represses it like instantly like TBH

like barely anyone talks about monoma's growing alcoholism so he just keeps doing that, and no one has had the chance to tell him to stop communicating with villains so he kept doing that too but like. Because it wasnt pointed out he barely has a problem with it and can function fine

everyone harps on him for the sex stuff tho so he's just like Drowning In Guilt

小林 未郁Last Sunday at 4:44 AM

is there literally-- any way iida can actually help him because, i just , wow

rickyLast Sunday at 4:44 AM

sfjgkdfg 

iida: here's a list of questions to communicate with, pls answer monoma: dissociates instantly 

whOH YEAH DEFINITELYi know that sounds all depressing sjhsdfghthe fix is honestly super easy tbh

小林 未郁Last Sunday at 4:45 AM

HE ASKED TWO WHOLE QUESTIO-jvhcfdjsjcxsdjhds

god im glad there is indeed a fix

rickyLast Sunday at 4:45 AM

I WAS TYPING UP MORE META I HAVENT GOTTEN TO IT YET

monoma's problem is literally just that he doesnt have the vocabulary for, like, anything

what he wants is an open relationship but he doesnt know what that is and TO BE QUITE FRANK his only knowledge of one is fucking sen and kosei

so like, he's only hesitating so much cuz he doesnt know how to voice what he wants cuz Tbh monoma hates not sounding smart and being emotive means bumbling around like an idiot

he still feels brushed off tho,

iida bls be sad around him more

小林 未郁Last Sunday at 5:02 AM

IIDA DOESNT LIKE BEING SAD

its weird for him

he always like

how do i put this

he takes his sadness, pisses on it, and sets it on fire

rickyLast Sunday at 5:02 AM

oh God i just realized iida is doing the same thing the guy i was gay for did FUCKMeJFBJHFBGDG

小林 未郁Last Sunday at 5:03 AM

oh he pissed on his  sadness too? worm

rickyLast Sunday at 5:03 AM

he did the 'im alright is actually crashing and burning in super slow motion for months at a time' thing

小林 未郁Last Sunday at 5:03 AM

iida is hollow more often than he is sad

1JDCKCDSNHSDSNDSCJ

rickyLast Sunday at 5:05 AM

meanwhile i had the loudly has breakdowns and then gets upset about being taken care of despite him insisting because of his Fetish for taking care of people thing

me: glares at iidas Fetish

小林 未郁Last Sunday at 5:06 AM

ok this is more of a hc but

iida likes taking care of ppl bc his parents rarely took care of him uwus

o hes like

rickyLast Sunday at 5:07 AM

CRIES

小林 未郁Last Sunday at 5:07 AM

being the Dad and Mom he never had

rickyLast Sunday at 5:07 AM

waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah

see that Sucks cuz my hc is that monoma was raised to be as self sufficient as possible as Fast as possible which meant wow we aint got time for emotions fam just Put Them In A Box

oh is the box overflowing, put the BOX in a BIGGER BOX

小林 未郁Last Sunday at 5:08 AM

emotionally stunted boys sure are great

rickyLast Sunday at 5:08 AM

i k r

小林 未郁Last Sunday at 5:08 AM

only in theory tho,

rickyLast Sunday at 5:08 AM

LOL

小林 未郁Last Sunday at 5:08 AM

irl i wouldve just

choked them

rickyLast Sunday at 5:09 AM

sobs angrily about iida

share your emotions biiiiiiitchhhh

小林 未郁Last Sunday at 5:09 AM

hits the back of monoma's head

rickyLast Sunday at 5:09 AM

hEY

小林 未郁Last Sunday at 5:09 AM

just tell him what u want u stupid fuckJCDFJDSSD

rickyLast Sunday at 5:09 AM

HE WANTS YOU TO SHARE HIS EMOTIONS HSFBGJHFGS HE SAID THAT!!!!AND IIDA WAS LIKE, NAH

小林 未郁Last Sunday at 5:10 AM

IIDA ISNT RLLY THAT SURE OF HIS EMOTIONS EITHER THATS WHY!!!

HE THINKS HES THIS BUT HES ACTUALLY SOMETHING ELSE

rickyLast Sunday at 5:10 AM

THATS MONOMAS PROBLEM TOO YOU BUTT DFHBSDFGJGSG

小林 未郁Last Sunday at 5:10 AM

FUCK

rickyLast Sunday at 5:11 AM

OHMY

GODSTRANGLES THEM BOTH

IIMONO: FEELINGS?!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!???????

小林 未郁Last Sunday at 5:11 AM

w iida its more like. he knows deep down but he doesnt , think , its important enough , to be addressed

rickyLast Sunday at 5:11 AM

i i d a b l s

小林 未郁Last Sunday at 5:11 AM

"as class rep i must be a leader before anything else!!!!!"

rickyLast Sunday at 5:12 AM

monoma is honestly like 'iida help this is the very first time in my life i have felt Guilt what am i supposed to do with this!!!!!!

iida: whats wrong monoma: IM SAD????  WHY DIDNT ANYONE EVER TELL ME WHAT A CONSEQUENCE WAS iida: ,

小林 未郁Last Sunday at 5:14 AM

JXVCDJXCDSAHJSDSDJ

rickyLast Sunday at 5:15 AM

and t b h he kind of is like, automatically expecting like... a Reward for getting this far but iida just kind of keeps being like 'okay cool. and what else'

and monoma is like HJSFBKHBFGS THAT TOOK ME 3 WEEKS TO FIGURE OUT B L S

小林 未郁Last Sunday at 5:28 AM

fuckcdncnddxjsn

rickyLast Sunday at 5:28 AM

,,,, in person or continue the text

小林 未郁Last Sunday at 5:29 AM

CCCCONTINUE...they rarely text god pls

rickyLast Sunday at 5:30 AM

TBH YEAH...

小林 未郁Last Sunday at 5:30 AM

iida has no Time for his phone he needs to read 30 chapters ahead so he doesnt fall behind!!!

rickyLast Sunday at 5:30 AM

monoma is Traumatized by all their other text convos so he doesnt--

im including the times when i post this btw because God Damn i love that its likefucking 5am over here

小林 未郁Last Sunday at 5:31 AM

GO TO BED?

rickyLast Sunday at 5:31 AM

this is 500% a 'im sad texting my bitchass pseudo bae about my feelings at fucking sunrise after they kept me up crying all night' conversation

whats a bed