#and like its distorting my perseptions which makes me feel like i both dont exist but also exist too much
Text
.
#diary#personal#drugs#disordered eating#god i cant fucking tell whats happening at all. i have no clue whats going on. im just fucked#i got high last night on an edible and that usually fucks me up the next day. and like. i still feel fucked.#alcohol#i also drank a beer which made things much worse lmao. whoops. but like everythings blurring together badly.#like. 30 mins ago is actually now and i have no clue whats going on really. its great. but... i wanna be higher.#i want to like. disolve. i dont rly care how. i just really dont wanna exist or feel or do anything anymore.#everything is stressful and hurts.#...i talked to a friend today. and honeslty im not sure how i kept it together.#im both fine and not. is it the drugs? its probably the drugs. wonder why im.always affected so much.#it pretty much terminates my memory which is already fucked.#and like its distorting my perseptions which makes me feel like i both dont exist but also exist too much#i went out on a walk earlier and everything was so bright and pretty and i was just like. is rhis how it usually is?#cuz idk. it never feels like that. everthing always looks so grey to me. eveything always looks greyed out .#i just... try not to look at it all really. but like it felt like i could hear things clearly without just. shrinking.#it was nice. it was really really nice.#self harm#now i just wanna spend the next week in bed hurting myself.#maybe its better doing drugs. cuz i gotta at least leave the bed for money to buy more drugs.#but...if im just depressed or something i just wanna sleep through the day. and week. and month#im not joking when i say i dont wanna exist anymore.#im so tired and overwhelmed with my ocd#i just. somwtimws wanna kill myself.#i think.thats the drugs talking tho bc i was fine yesterday.#but idk. im so out of it. i really wanna chat to a friend but i dont want them to like. have to put up with me whoops#i really hate myself sometimes.#suicidal ideation
2 notes
·
View notes
Last Seen Blogs
cuckoldlifeofjosie
Lifetime Cuckold
mirakbaraskani
Mir Akbar Askani
councilman-horsemeat
sarnuel
captainditrag
Captain Ditrag's Movie Reviews & Singing Videos
semperfeminas
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~