#im so tired and overwhelmed with my ocd

[rockn-rule]

I think I'mma have to depart with internet for a while yall

My night terrors and shit has been getting worse each time I do try to be updated with the world and I've been really stressed to hell and back recently so uhh I think I need a full on break from most things currently

Idk if I can handle the stress of the world rn so sorry if I just disappear again I'm doing my best

[unityrain24]

everything is getting so tiring and i'm falling behind... in getting schoolwork done, in hygiene, in household chores... and the weirdest part is that my mental illnesses arent really getting worse though. Usually all of those coincide with when my depression/anxiety/ocd/ etc get worse. But they arent. they're still like... dormant, like they've been for an uncomfortably long time. I need them back. I need them to come back. I need my mental illnesses to be my whole life again. It's been so long. I need to be me again.

[strikersin]

You know what never mind why am I trying to understand and help with other alter's neurosis.

What about me. What about my neurosis.

[camellia-thea]

.

[nickeverdeen]

Hehehe could I get an Arcane and/or Nimona matchup😋 I’mma yap a lot so prepare LMAOO

My name is Kathryn (or Kat for short) and I'm in school for graphic design and communications - I originally wanted to go into cosmetology to become a desairologist, but I didn't get in. I play piano, dance (hip hop, ballet, tap, and jazz), and sing. I also produce my own music.

Idk how to classify my style so I'lI say it alternates between morute, gloomy coquette, dollette, gothic, and alternative. I also lean heavily towards the feminine side of the spectrum.

I practice witchcraft and l'm also a Christian. I have a weird fascination with dolls and I collect them, specifically porcelain dolls. Like, it's so bad LMAO my friends are scared to come into my room atp!!! Literally I'm probs on someone's rob list I have one worth $400😭🙏

I also collect vinyls. I have over $600 worth of them save me…

Some of my favorite music artists are Bambi Baker, Melanie Martinez, Solya, Elita, Ha Vay, Baby Bugs, and Mercy Necromancy. I also like a lot of rock; AC/DC, Scene Queen, Delilah Bon, BANSHEE, Gurldoll, Ashnikko (she's sometimes rock), and Ennaria

I suppress literally everything until I just burst and it’s been building for two years now so uh yay😍

My humor’s honestly really weird. I can laugh at bread falling but find a really good dad joke stupid and unfunny. I also tend to match the personality of the person I'm speaking to. I’ve also been told I’m really great at comfort but I don’t know about that. A lot of people confide in me with their problems. Like a lot..🥲 not that I mind, it just gets a bit tiring

I’m more attracted to masc leaning people but I’ve also dated fems before. It doesn’t really matter to me as long as we have chemistry, but I do find myself eyeing a lot more masculine girls.. I’m kind of attracted to men, but not a whole lot.

I also don’t like touch unless I’ve known the person for at least 6 months or I initiate it. I’ve had multiple breakdowns because someone who wasn’t a “safe person” touched me without giving any warning…… I tense up MASSIVELY when someone hugs me even if I know they’re going to. The only people that don’t have that effect on me are my best friend (who I’ve known for 4 years) and my dad.

I took a state personality test and I’m exactly 50% INFP and 50% INFJ. Legit confused the test and it gave me both💀

Im diagnosed with anxiety & depression. I've been told I might have OCD, BPD and some sort of depersonalization/derealization disorder.

I believe I could have autism or ADHD. I also have heavy hallucinations that can last either 30 minutes or 2 weeks. I have major mood swings too. One minute I can literally be bouncing up and down while wanting to blow something up and then the next I’ll be crying on the floor😭

Aaanyway I think that’s enough of me yapping have a great day babes<3

Your Arcane match is…

Caitlyn Kiramman

Caitlyn would love discussing your music collection, especially rock and alternative genres

It may not seem like it, but she has a soft spot for underground bands and loves discovering new music

Caitlyn’s patient and empathetic nature makes her a great listener, offering comfort and understanding when you’re feeling overwhelmed or anxious

She’d be your rock during your mood swings

Provides a calming presence and helpes you through tough moments with patience and care

Caitlyn respects your need for personal space and takes care not to touch you without permission, understanding the importance of consent and comfort

Caitlyn would plan unique and adventurous dates, like exploring hidden spots in Piltover or attending underground music gigs

She herself would maybe prefer a classic restaurant one, but when she tried this she prefered this

Caitlyn would like your unique style and often compliment your outfits, even suggesting accessories or outfits that might suit your aesthetic

She’d be a bit unsure and creeped out by the doll thing, though

Caitlyn would silently encourage you to express your emotions and not suppress them

Caitlyn’s love for photography would complement your graphic design skills, and you’d often collaborate on creative projects

She would cherish quiet, quality time with you

Whether it’s listening to music together, having deep conversations, or simply enjoying each other’s company

Your Nimona match is…

Nimona

Nimona’s playful nature would match your quirky humor

She’d often make you laugh with her antics and shapeshifting abilities

Nimona would love going on spontaneous adventures with you, whether it’s exploring new places or trying out new activities

Nimona’s fierce loyalty means she’d be incredibly protective of you, always ready to stand up for you if anyone tried to harm or disrespect you

Nimona would appreciate your artistic talents and often encourage you to express yourself through your art and music

Her unconventional ways of comforting might seem odd, but they’d always make you feel better, like turning into a cute animal to cheer you up

Slowly she would learn to respect your boundaries over time, ensuring she doesn’t touch you without your consent

Nimona would love discovering new music with you and often play your favorite songs during your adventures together

Despite her tough exterior, Nimona has a deep understanding of emotions and would be there for you during your highs and lows

Nimona’s idea of a date would be anything but ordinary – from sneaking into restricted areas to watching thunderstorms from a safe spot

She’d like your unique style and individuality, often praising your confidence

[system-of-a-feather]

Positive ask about trauma recovery: I know you have talked about OCD a few times here- I was wondering if like, treating the PTSD helped the OCD? Or was it more like these are two separate issues sort of thing? I have both myself and I think they might be linked for my own case but I have a therapist helping me figure that all out. I hope this was okay to ask! If not, feel free to ignore this!

Yeah in my experience there is a lot of overlap. I found with OCD some things you could easily treat and build upon independently by just focusing on OCD (general intrusive thoughts, resisting compulsions, redirecting, CBT, tracking and finding patterns to symptoms, environmental adaptation etc) which tend to be more of the textbook OCD stuff, but other things become so intertwined with PTSD that it can be challenging to overcome without addressing the elephant in the room

A decent part of (non pure-o) OCD is exposure therapy / tolerance training where you slowly try to reduce compulsions and slowly expand how long you can handle whatever anxiety / discomfort NOT doing the compulsion does. But the key thing with both of those is that you have to really take it at small levels that push comfort but not overwhelm in order to slowly breakdown the OCD loop. If the Obsessive Compulsive relationship is related to trauma / connected with a trigger, it can be hard to approach the dynamic without quickly being thrown into an overwhelmed state. In situations like those, working on the PTSD can GREATLY help progress OCD treatment. Similarly with pure-o OCD and symptoms, a lot of shame and guilt regarding intrusive thoughts can get easily intertwined with trauma-centered core beliefs and it can help to unpack and correct those core beliefs to help get out of the harmful loop.

Largely treating OCD requires the ability to learn to feel safe when NOT doing a compulsion and PTSD can make that difficult from time to time

When I was targetting OCD more, I tended to bounce back and forth between the two as I followed the flow of issues to try to untangle the web.

Either way, if you got both, working on one will help the other. Somethings more than others and in some areas more than other areas.

Im kinda tired so this might be wordy and a lil incoherent but TLDR; yeah they tend to get intertwined if you have both and working on PTSD will probably help OCD and vice versa

[vampryn]

hyperfixation is a blessing and a curse.. good things come from being so passionate about one single thing--- like you feel comfort and safety from that thing, learn a lot about it and learn other things by proxy, you have an outlet for excess emotional energy, etc.. but at the same time, i have a hard time thinking about anything except for that one thing, and love to bring it up in conversation, which can get tiring for those around you after a while (i can hear it happening but cant stop). it’s also very sad when you cant find something that gives you *the feeling* when youre already feeling lost. its kind of like an emotional anchor, so the absence of that feeling is always very daunting and overwhelming. id really love to know what causes my brain to do this-- possible ADHD?? OCD??? but diagnoses are so hard to get, especially with the saturation of self-diagnosis online.. its hard to tell if i genuinely have something buggy with my cognition or if im just falling into the trap of having my bias confirmed by others. even more so, im perpetually shrouded by imposter syndrome. i genuinely dont want to be one of those people who gives a qualifier of a disorder that hasnt actually been evaluated, because i dont want people to use me as a qualifier for their symptoms when im not even sure what my issue is.... and even in canada a diagnosis is insanely expensive :( its hard to seek out help when you’re just not sure where to start either.. anyway, thats where im at if anybody was wondering lool

[hebimoonlightwrites]

hello there dear! i’m new to tumblr, and i never knew there were such sweet people like you writing wonderful scenarios w/ hypnosis mic characters for everyone! as i was reading through your content, i could tell through your writing that you are very passionate about writing, and you seem like a very kind individual!

i really liked the kind of request that neru-anon requested, i hope its ok if i try this as well! ill try to keep everything brief, as im not a super interesting person to begin with- Σ੧(❛□❛✿)

my name is ryusei, which contains the kanji for flow, 流 and star, 星. i go by she/they (whichever is fine!) and i’m currently 20, and studying music and psychology! im a rather quiet person, but i’ll always be willing to lend an ear if anyone wants to chat/vent! i’m very overprotective in a way thats not too conspicuous, and very loyal to anyone who calls me their friend. in contrast to that, i can hold myself well in a fight, and i’m surprisingly physically strong, but just get tired super quickly… (my stamina is… well… not good) i like smiling, but it’s difficult to express my facial emotions well, so i usually wear a mask in public. i’m an adaptable person, but i get overwhelmed easily, especially when there are too many numbers… i have asd, bpd, and ocd, and there was a point in my teenage years where that severely impacted my social life and academics, so i always like to keep my guard up, but i like to talk a lot so i end up saying too much sometimes-! i have a couple friends, but i’m not a “people person” i guess.

i enjoy listening to a wide range of music and i really love artists like Atarashii Gakko!, 周深 (his voice is so soothing!), (G)I-DLE, Ichiko Aoba, vocaloid, and Hypmic music! you can check them out if you’d like, they’re all very talented musicians/singers!

i’d rather not go into my family affairs too much, as my parents don’t have a healthy relationship with each other which affected my brother and i, so we don’t talk much now. but my younger brother (as chaotic as he may be) is important to me.

i won’t go into my panic attacks too much as i know this topic may be triggering for some people, but they’re usually hard to spot, and people other than me usually can’t tell because of my quietness.

i really like cats! i’d like to own one myself in the future, maybe when i can take care of myself better ヽ(；▽；)ノ i visit cat cafes when i visit japan sometimes, although im not as fluent as a local, its enough for me to book time slots for cat cafes at least!

when i’m in a bad mood, i lash out and break down easily at people, so i have a tendency to self isolate sometimes.

i like… a lot of foods! i don’t like fruit, insects (both in food and in general),and extravagant stuff though… i like coffee with loads of sugar… haha… i dont get drunk easily but im not too fond of alcohol… maybe cocktails but not super bitter stuff. i can withstand smoke but i don’t smoke myself.

i don’t care too much about clothing, but i want to look presentable at least. i do like cute clothes, but i usually go with super minimalistic/vintage clothes.

i like kind people! i strive to be kind myself! i want to be able to mutually help each other with our problems! i have the power to be able to help others, and honestly helping other people is easier than figuring out what to do with my own problems. unconditional love is important to me. i have problems with self confidence, and i’m also pretty hard to read, so someone who could really understand that would be nice. my love language is… physical contact i think? i like hugging and jumping around and stuff, but i dont do that much cause im paranoid about bothering people. i like affection a lot!! i didn’t have a super affectionate family, but i like people who show they care through their actions (and sometimes maybe words?) i would honestly offer everything i have for someone who would genuinely love me, but i doubt even someone in the hypmic cast would be interested… (´；Д；`)

thank you for reading all this stuff hebi! please take care! its a bit late where i am, so i’m going to head to sleep. goodnight hebi! (_ _).｡o○

(sorry for any spelling errors TT)

Writer's corner: Hey, sweetheart! Thank you for requesting for this kind of request! I honestly really like playing Cupid's role, haha!♥ Of course the following is only mu thoughts and headcanons, so don't feel forced to think just like I do, okee~? Also, I don't know who are your favourite characters or if there's any you dislike qwq In case i chose one you don't like, please, text me so I can change him to the "second" or the "third" choice at the bottom of this post, okee? Plus, sweetheart, please let me know if there's any mistake♥ Enjoy~♥

Warnings: nothing~ safe here~

⭐𝐖𝐡𝐢𝐜𝐡 𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐫𝐚𝐜𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝐟𝐫𝐨𝐦 𝐇𝐘𝐏𝐌𝐈𝐂 𝐰𝐨𝐮𝐥𝐝 𝐛𝐞 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐬/𝐨⭐

⭐Hey, sweetheart! I'm thankful for all the sweet words you told me.. qwq♥ I'm so glad that you do enjoy my writings, as I always try to do my best. My main mission is to bring a smile to people's faces, so I do hope this will bring a smile to yours as well!♥

⭐First of all I wanted to tell you that you seem a nice and amazing person, so there's not really need to be that unconfident, especially when it comes to physical affection! It's true that there are people who are introverted and maybe against PDA (like me, oof..), but as an introverted I can tell that people like you- who likes affection, hugging, smiling- are very appreciated. You can literally cheer people around you up and this is so powerful!♥ As I read your description, I don't hide the fact that I immediately thought about Matenrou and Fling Posse bois; On one hand things about you like studying psychology, being kind of unconfident, dreaming about getting some physical affection, getting easily overwhelmed and getting silent panic attacks really made me think about Matenrou and, in particular, about Doppo somehow..♥ On the other hand things like wearing minimalistic/vintage cute clothes, enjoying music, liking affection and jumping around, being a good listener, liking cats and being actually a trustful and loyal friend made me think about Fling Posse and their friendship, but especially to Gentaro and Ramuda, somehow♥ The fact that you do care a lot about your brother, the fact that you prefer helping others and try your best to be a good person, and especially, though, the fact that you are unconfident or maybe simply do not realize how nice you truly are.. well.. These things really bring me to think that you could kin Doppo- along with Gentaro and Ramuda-, somehow! BUT, we are here to find your other-half, and this isn't surely Doppo, since I do believe he is not that type of man pro to PDA and gets easily flustered.. (but.. who knows? He could get a crush on you~). Plus he's 29, so... ugh.. I know age isn't important in a couple and that love can be for everyone, but we need someone more...! We need someone who would be there for you, who would easily understand you- since you specifically said that you're "hard to be read"- and who's going to love you unconditionally. Someone who would show his affection towards you without any hesitation and problem! Someone who has interests similar to yours maybe.. who does enjoy music a lot, who enjoy food and who's protective of the ones he holds dear! Someone who can understad you fully and maybe even being that good of a partner who'd be able to get the moment when you're silently having a panic attack..

⭐..Okay.. I got my results~

⭐So.. (unless you don't like gambling..).. I feel like Dice would be a perfect first choice! We're literally talking about someone who seems dumb as f##, but it's canon that he has some serious and deep thinking moments, especially when he's alone. He looks dumb, but he's not at all. Just like you, Dice does enjoy music, as he tries to create some using "instruments" like grass or empty cans- even if it's said that he can play piano and violin, oof. Just like you, he does care a lot about his friends and he's even protective of the ones he holds dear. Dice loves his friends unconditionally- even if some could think that he's Gentaro's friend because he owes him money, Dice does actually care about him too. Plus, if he gamble, that means that he has a "not-toxic" relationship with numbers! (jk, Ryusei♥ *hugs*)

⭐So I'm sure that through his energetic and dumb-apparent look, he would be the best of a partner for you! You with your stable-life and him with his risky-life would be the perfect yin and yang. I can already imagine him randomly hugging you or simply poking your face as he notices that your mind is overthinking.. he would get that maybe you're starting to panic silently and would whisper: "Hey... u okay?", with a reassuring smile. After meeting your eyes he would simply open his arms to hug you, especially if he's certain that you need affection. Dice would try his best to cheer you up, especially when he feels like you're having a "no"-day. I can even imagine you both petting stray cats or him visiting you and holding one of your school books like: "Daaaaamn.. how can you even understand all of this?!.. It feels like blabbering!", playing the fool part only to make you chuckle. Even so, he would show how proud he is of you and how much he does really admire you. "How can you be so smart to understand that blabbering?!", Dice would exclaim only to hear your chuckle again. "I.. I like your chuckle, y'know? It's.. cute.."

⭐About the others Fling Posse's and Matenrou's members, well.. ⭐Jakurai: He could be a kind uncle/father to you. Since he's a doctor he could really take care of your "no"-moments, even also hugging you, why not? Plus I'm 100% sure he would be so proud of you for studying psychology! You're going to be one of his work colleague, one of the most amazing one, actually!♥ ⭐Hifumi: Except for those times his fear for women would be evident, he would show his support to you just as much as he does with Doppo! Hifumi is a kind-hearted man so he'd be energetic enough to drive you to be the same and you both would be great friends for sure! After some time, though, I think he would start to learn to "read" you, because he already did it with Doppo~♥ ⭐Doppo: I feel like you could kin him, as I said before. Doppo is the one who paradoxically would tell you stuff like "W-what?! But.. you're amazing, Ryusei! Don't you ever think otherwise. You cannot understand how great you are?!".. I mean.. bruh, you're just like her! But I feel like he would even usually vent in your presence or inviting you to get some coffee together, why not?♥ ⭐Ramuda: Oh... ohhh. Ramuda would be the best at showing his affection towards you, especially now that you're officially a posse~! He would jump around and hug you randomly, but I feel like you would also be there noticing his "no"-moments too♥ ⭐Gentaro: You would have a calm but intellectual relationship with him. Both of you would go to the café, wearing vintage clothes and I feel like Gentaro would appreciate your company, as your dressing style seems similar to his one. He's also a good listener, just like you, so I feel like you could even take a chance to talk to him. He would give you his "honest" advices... oof♥

Top three results:

⭐1- Dice

⭐2- Ramuda

⭐3-Doppo

©hebimoonlightwrites_tumblr Please, do not copy my contents nor repost it without my permission.

[caluski]

Depression stuff under the readmore nothing interesting as usual

I miss the time when I wouldn't feel suicidal every single day, it truly sounds so heavenly when I look back at it, I can't even remember whether I was medicated back then or no, I think it might have been the anti-anxiety meds which weren't even that strong antidepressants and yet they still worked at least for soothing my suicidal thoughts, other than my anxiety and a bit of ocd of course.... My doctor once said, don't apologize for when your medication doesn't work!, and yet I still felt guilty and left and it feels like an eternity has passed since. My brain doesn't work the way it used to, I know that... I hate that I have damaged my life irreversibly. And if I fail to kill myself again i know i will look back at the past and shake my head regretfully and think, why did I do this to myself. I feel guilty for being the one who's ruining my own life, but also I can tell that I am not meant to live a long life.. So what's the point? And even if I will live long, I know I will live an empty life devoid of meaning and love, I can tell, I really really mean it, it's weird to describe but I am absolutely sure that this is what I'm facing... And I know people won't believe me if I say it, but it's really true: the unfortunate truth is that even if I do get out to grasp onto others desperately, best option is, I will go back to being that shadow of a person in others lives, I will never be anyone's "most important", i will go back to being the one that's accepted more or less but somehow is on a very thin ice...

Are others being fought for? Is it an actual experience people do have? Is it okay to want to be loved by someone enough that they will try to get to you? I feel like at this point, every single thing that I want is the most impossible thing in the world. Everything feels so beyond my reach that I might as well die now, without experiencing anything.. It feels so hopeless, it drives me insane every day, every waking hour, I look at my 2 year old nephew and the only thought I have is "you won't remember me-- I will die before you get older. I will die and you won't have photos of me to look back on".

I keep having the urges to delete this blog. It doesn't mean much, it's just a blog, in the end I don't keep any significant archives in here... Every time I log out, my finger keeps hovering over "delete blog" button for a little while. It's meaningless and I know it - if I delete it, I will be forgotten soon enough, perhaps many people won't even notice I'm gone anyway - and im sorry I'm talking about it, because I really don't want to sound like I'm begging for more attention, or something.... "give me more followers and reblogs, so I don't delete", or whatever... Just the feeling of meaninglessness overwhelming me. What am I doing here, really - I'm not an artist, I'm not a funny blogger, I'm someone people look at and think, my god, he's so old and yet so childishly miserable. Sorry about that. I know its nothing but tiring to watch me getting worse and worse; I shouldn't be crying about it so publicly in the first place... I wish I could die instead, silent and dignified, unaware of whether anyone shows up to my funeral or no. Why do I keep worrying about it? Every single time I cut myself, I wonder, how humiliating will it be when my family realizes there is no one to come to say their farewells to me? Won't it feel the worst in the world? But I wouldn't be around for that anymore. So why do I think about it?

I don't know what else can I say. Goodnight

[revoltinglittleworm]

i’ve been very slowly cutting things out of my life. i kinda feel bare right now in the sense that im very lonely and stagnant, not much going on, but im still open to vulnerability, change, and creation. i keep thinking about my future lately. i was doing pretty good at living in the moment but i have this creeping feeling that i need to figure some stuff out... 

i’m not really sure about music anymore. i find it enjoyable to make. im proud of myself for what ive done, even if it is kinda shitty. ive heard myself grow musically and vocally over the past year. and im like this with painting as well. ive seen that ive grown a bit, but i still find what i make pretty mediocre. and im fair with myself, i realize ive only been doing these things for a very short amount of time. 

the thing about painting is that with the process, its not something i always enjoy. sometimes i get the urge to start and then i do it and im like im not even having fun. like the motivation is there but the joy is not. i dont really get it tbh. i decided maybe the way i was approaching it and the techniques i was using was probably what was making it so burdensome. i have yet to try my new approach (which is a much more messy and flowing style) because ive been so busy with work and ive had absolutely no days off. luckily this week i have a bunch of time and im excited to do some art. 

on the other hand, ive been writing my novel pretty steadily. almost everyday, but not quite. sometimes its a bit difficult to get into the mood but once i do i can write for awhile. especially on the train i find it pretty easy, and then i get to my stop and im disappointed because i wanted more time to write.

AND THEN, im working on fashion. i spread myself a little too thin, i think. the thing about fashion and writing is that they are both things that come very naturally to me. (unlike painting, and even less with music.) painting is something that i struggle with and i know i am decent at drawing, but when it comes to music, im completely in the dark with it. vocally, musically, structurally. i could of course teach myself, but i think the whole overwhelms me. its a lot to learn and do and while i feel excited about it at times i cant tell if its because i feel like i need to do it because of an identity thing, or if i genuinely really love it. most of the time i think i do it because im like, well wouldnt be really cool to be an musician and have an album and music videos and perform? and like right now, yeah, that does sound fun as hell. but occasionally i will feel indifferent. or like its just not for me.

but back to fashion, im enjoying it, as little work as ive put into it. i want more time to work on it because what i have done ive enjoyed. i think the thing that triggers all these thoughts in me so often is capitalism... in an ideal world id have all the time to do everything i want, and no pressure at all to feel like i need to do things because of money, success, etc... i could just do them because i love them. its extremely hard for me to see past the capitalist lens. i want to be able to tell if something is right for me or if im just coming about it wrong. over the years my ocd mind has been so plagued by this way of thinking that i feel like ive hardly gotten anything done at all. im really tired of it, honestly. the only good part is that ive crossed a bunch of stuff off my list of things that i thought were right for me but actually arent. like acting for example, ive fully decided that isnt for me, lol.

anyway. i just needed to share and i forgot my journal at home so i had no other place to put all this.

[ilovemccafferty]

i dont know what is wrong with me ok i just need to rant i know a lot of these words wont make sense im just copy and oasting messages i sent to my friend because im to lazy to type also bad grammer

bro i cant physically exist without pain what the fuck is wrong with me why am i like this oh my fucking god everything is so loud what the fuck why can i hear every single little noise why is everything screaming at me what the fuck what the fuck what the fuck what the fuck what the fuck what the fuck what the fuck what theufjc fufikc fuck fuck fucj fuck why is everything so loud why is everything so loud why what the fucj also dont force yourself to rwply if you dont want to im just ranting because idk what else to do

omfg im gonna claw out my arms and lefs i swear to fucking god why am i always in pain

i hate laying on my back but if i lay on my side i have to keep switching everytime bc it starts to feel wrong and yneven

and anytime something brushes against me on an uneaven wag i freak out and irs so overstimulating

also impulsive thoughts fucking shck

its so bad when im overstimulated to like rn i cant look at things that are uneven ir it just bothers me i cant explain it but wtf

om js severely overstimulated, but im not overwhelmed and im rlly tired but i can sleep bc my brain is hyper and idk what to do or how to explain my deelings

bro i fucking hate impusive thoughts or iust existing because i was on a boat today and i had to close the window because all i could think about was theowinf soemthing important out the window or jumping out thw windoe anns i just couldnt mi dont fucmign know

everytjings so overstimulateding i dont know khow to deel with my problems

it feels like wverythings against me right now and i have the cinstant feeling of dread or if i an going to dies oom pleade i dont want to go please o dont want to fuckig die im scared to go to sleep because what kf i dont wake up ive been fucking forcing myself awake skmetimes because of the dread that im not going to wake up im afraid of death what the fuck is going to happen i dont know whats going on anymore why cant i lige in the moment why id time moving so fast why id everything going on i cant keep uo with everything im not okay rnw im not ok what the tukkf isngoing on on in onj dont know wholw to express my feelings or thoughts so im just typing wverything i tuonk without tmaftially thinking because i dont fucking care rn i jutst doknt knkw what to do im sfared i feel like something is out to get me i feel like imm trapped and alone o feel fucking lsot what is going on i sont fucking knkw im sfated scared who am i because i dont even fucming know am i actually real pr is thos all a dream becausre i dknt wevn fucking knkw at rhis point im so fixking scatd that egeruthing js fake and all these memlries lf existinf is fake im here right now but what jf im jot what if indont fucking know SHIT THE FUCK UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SUIT UP SHIT UP SHUT IL O AHYE THESE THOUGHTS I DKNT WAKNT TO THINKA BOUT DEATH OR WHAT HAPPENS I JUST WANT TO BE FUCMING NORMAL WHAT THE FICK IS WRLNG WITH ME.

also 4 the ppl ik irl/online on here plz dont he worried about me im ok this happens a lot i just need to sleep and calm down and shit ok jm ok these are just my constant tjought (om pretty sure a lot of this is caused by ocd i was told) also i am safe and im not gonna act on any harm against myself or anyone else bc its all impulsive thoughts and ik im not gonnq do anything

[atenceladusiaawfytbwb]

Gooorrrllsss!! Trying to plan to schedule my neuro psychology tests thingy- to see?????? I've read a lot of people with them chronic tiredness where what fi ally worker was adhd medication 👀👀👀👀👀 So like

AHHHHH 🤯😭🤨😱😫 A WORLD WHERE IM NOT 24/7 TIRED AND OVERWHELMED???? WHAAAT

Whatever, idk autistic spectrum, hyperactivity, thyroid(?) Whatever just ahhhh

What we know? Tried whatever blood/iron/supplements and no improvement at all

Anxiety, depression and ocd (and a decent amount of no eye-contact 💋🫦💅( like any hottie) So uhhh let's see 🥸🤓🧐👀👁👄👁🗣👓🕶🥽🔎🔍🔦💡

👏 I'm queer👏 I'm here 👏 I'm medicated 👩‍⚕️🧑‍🍳☄️💊🩸💉🥛🧊 I've already gone through "No nO 🤓 iTs beCauSe YoUr PeRIOd haha" diagnosis 🔎🔎(( -->🧠 ??)🤷‍♀️ ❌️0️⃣⛔️)🤓😫🙄🙄 I'm so tired all the time 🤣🤣

👏👏 Anyway, the last one was some IV carboxyaamaltose, huge expectation, nothing improved, so ugh omg God I'm so ready for anything whatever it is that works 😫😫😫 Thyroid? Adhd? Tumor? Hot hit hot whatever just AHHHH you get it

If I get as much as a whisper, a hint, a sprinkle

Of some condescending

1)it's yer period

2)it's side-effects of the antidepriss

3)u lazy

Or any of the like, I'll be

Doing something, at minimum, inconvenient, for all parties involved.

Now, I am currently the one in charge of calling the doctor, so, things may be happening between next week and the next 6 years 🫦💄💋💅 A girl can get so busy existing 🥺

Doi that will, at the very leas

[yippieitsarvensart]

dont worry about the time of replies!!! we are in different timezones anyways

JDNNWBS THANK YOU ?!!?!! feel free to study me under a microscope im an interesting lil guy i think youll have a blast

oooooo yes yes i see ur vision.... the way i go with is that floyd isnt that fond of the contacts but his eyesight is so horrible that if he doesnt he bumps EVERYWHERE. jade had to put it in him the first time and hes slowwwlyyy getting used to it, but he immediately takes it off when hes in his room. floyd is very "when i put on my glasses and the walls have texture, ppl have faces & the plant have leaves" to me LOL. also side note i loooove caring azul that doesnt want to admit it so much <3

theyre girlie pops to me does this make sense. i have some hcs for their fashion too xhhshs these guys have RUINED me

would you believe me if i told you that i was already in lovw with riddle and then i did my hcs and boom. even more in love u

THIS REMINDS ME I DIDNT SAY THE RACE HCS I HAVE FOR THOSE THREE ?!?! ok so the tweels are black italians + vietnamese, while riddle is wasian (british + korean&chinese)!

OH AND I ALSO FORGOT TO SAY i hc that riddle needs glasses too :3c but she uses contacts! when hes overwhelmed he tends to isolate himself and he either tends to the hedgehos/flanmingos or tends to the garden/maze. and her meltdowns are much like her a anger fits, she just gets really really upset and wants to throw things around and behead people, hes very agressive! to calm him down you need to put him in a comfortable & familiar room, preferrably with tons of red (his favorite color), and talk to him normally about the things he likes + offer solutions to the problems until he calms down.

anyways silver > autism, narcolepsy. uses he/ him and is bissexual (no preference), but does Not get gender at all. i hc that fae's perception of gender is different than humans, and since he was raised by lilia he does not understand humans' genders. so he just goes w the flow haha. his hands are trembling slightly allll the time he cannot stop it. hes chinese + has albinism ! bc of that he gets burned pretty easily, has to eat a balanced diet and his eyesight sucks just a little, so he doesnt need any glasses or anything. yet. he has some small scars from his training, his hair is mullet-ish and very long, and he dyes it black + leaves some white strands to match w lilia. whenever he gets overwhelmed he lays flat on the grownd, belly down face on the ground, puts a blanket over himself and then just Stays There until it passes. his meltdowns are quiet he just stares off into the void and considers yanking off his ears lol. also he has some bite scars bc sebek used to bite him when he was changing his baby teeth, silver has a necklace w them!! he understands animals better than he understands ppl and he can recgonize every single species. thats his special interest btw, animals!! hes mostly a horse girlie tho <3

sebek > autism, ocd, auditory processing disorder. the reason he yells all the time is bc he cant listen very well + cant control his voice volume. he also uses he/him & is bissexual but, much like silver and bc he is a half fae, he does not get human gender. technically speaking he could be considered bigender too! i hc that in the future, he (and riddle + the tweels too) would take estrogen :3c and HE WEARS BRACES !!!! cmon crocodile teeth are kinda horrible and his dads a dentist. so. yeah. also he has some scales, but theyre so few and mostly on his arms + legs, so they are covered most of the time! hes very resistant to physical stuff, rarely feels pain and doesnt get tired easily. if he does use his magic, though, then he gets tired pretty easily, since his half human body cant keep up w the fae magic. his hair is a MESS he passes so much gel and it still sticks up a bit. hes so into the lighting motif hes COMMITED !!!! also horses just hate him for some reason. principally vorpal (riddles horse) lol. when hes overwhelmed he does push ups, runs, just trains in geneal. if its too loud he just yells SHUT THE FUCK UP and everyone is stunned so they do. he feel really bad after though djsbnds .... his special interest is malleus draconia (lol) and dragons :3c

OOOOO so cute and silly ...... ok ok i'll write something like tgat no worries :3c anything else youd like to see in the fic? i can shove smth more!!! im gonna cook. wait for me

all I could think about while readinf this was "estrogen could save them..." Like if I was bad at responding to asks that is ALL I would've said in response; but luckily I am autistic and could not bare to just leave it at that.

Jade having to help Floyd put in his contacts for the first time makes me also think that like, what if Jade has to do it every morning. Every single morning from the day they first came on land they've had to put them in for Floyd... Brotherly bonding time EHAHAHAHA But that's the only way F could get used to it, they can't do it on their own otherwise they'll mess it up or stab themself in the eye or whatever. "Having Jade do it is just easier" he says. Jade doesn't complain about it either because she'd rather have to do it for every day of their lives than have Floyd get seriously hurt because he can't see SHIT. Anyways...

Sil and Sebs having little to no connection with gender bc of being half fae/influenced by living with fae is so, so real. and true. If I'm correct, Silver is just human? And being raised by Lilia who is VERY gender in ALL sorts of ways, I think Sil may have had a few gender crisis' over the years because of it (I sure woulda), starting from a very young age. But like he's fine now he's chill with whatevevraarrrr (I LEAVE TO GO DO SOMETHING, COME BACK AND SUDDENLY NOTHING I JUST WROTE MAKES SENSE??? what is bro blabbering about. anyways.)

Overall I so so agree with all ur hcs they make so much SENSE !!!! I have nothing more to add to the rest of it you're just so correct that I can't think of anything more anything else to add to the fic errmm... uerhhmm... Well we could have maybe... *brain thinking sounds*

... I don't even remember what I said last time btu that's okay I think you should make them kiss 🔥🔥and also make up 🔥🔥 (I alr made that joke I think. I'm so unoriginal.) Uhmmm you could make riddle CRY 💧💧💧💧I don't kno w you could make them uhmm you coud uhhh *send post*

[ephialtea]

Didn’t get to enjoy my day today, in an ldr with my partner and only been talking to him only a few hours in the morning and night. He usually gets busy on most days which I understand and has accepted it.

Been dating for almost 4 months, have not made anything official but we both decided to be exclusive for each other til 6 months for us to make it official, as we both agreed on.

Yet, I obsess over my feelings and thoughts that were not right for each other. It’s exhausting when we pretty much mean it when we exchanges i loves yous.

We both have opposite interests and hobbies, smth new Im dealing with compared to my other relationships. I tend to obsess over that as well, if we could ever make it work when we’re both different yet somehow similar in some ways.

He’s a confident and secure guy, gives me reassurances yet I somehow make things difficult. Til I started suspecting if this was rocd or not, whatever he does that reassures me- makes it seem like it’s never enough for me. I hate it, he’s trying and I keep getting overwhelmed by my thoughts that someday- he’ll just type those few words that’ll end us.

He knows about my ocd and struggles, he’s been supportive and understanding. Gave him a chance to leave so he wouldn’t have to deal more difficult things with my doubts, yet he still stayed and wants us to grow together. Made me love him even more yet I still have doubts.

He went out with his friends today, on a long road trip. I simmered over thoughts that he was snap chatting with another girl instead while he was with his friends, more thoughts that he’s actually out avoiding me, and when he gets back- he’d end things with me. I couldn’t enjoy anything today.

He eventually got home at 11pm, asked how my day was but my questions soured the mood. I let him go to sleep since he was tired, he still wants to talk to me tomorrow. Now am sitting in the living room with more thoughts to deal with.

[brainmoss]

2 weeks off of sertraline and the suicide ideation comes back with a revenge

[ascending-sunsetbutterfly]

I'm sincerely getting sick and tired of this whole situation... just wish this nightmare of sorts would stop because I feel like my mental health is deteriorating further but at a slower speed than before. I want to be able to feel like myself again but I'm so sick of everything and all the people in my path who only make it worse. Though I know it all starts with me wanting to recover and doing the effort for it while not seeking validation because I can do it, truth is somehow I am self sabotaging myself constantly and I am sick of it. It's like I've started suppressing myself from the start because I knew that it wouldn't feel the 'same' and it just spiraled down from there and I feel like I can't trust anyone save for my dog. I'm so sick of this. I just want to be able to see my friends again and live happily.