#and like things just... really went fucky after didnt they

[llitchilitchi]

I miss and mourn the days of summer 2022, I don't think I've ever been that happy and fulfilled as an internet artist in my life

[kitgundy]

DYSPHORIA

Mom, do you know how much of a nightmare it is?

Looking down at my body and feeling like something’s wrong

Looking back and examining and reexamining my past thoughts, my past beliefs

Realizing I’m a boy and no matter how much I try to deny it I always have been

I’m a boy. I’m a boy, <DEADNAME> isn’t a boy name. I’m not a FUCKING SHE. I AM NOT A SHE AND MY NAME ISNT <DEADNAME> PLEASE GOD JUST STOP FUCKING CALLING ME THOSE THINGS YOU TELL ME TO STOP TELLING YOU TO STOP, YOU TELL ME IT HURTS YOU WHEN I TELL YOU TO STOP, YOU SAY ITS BECAUSE OF MY TONE WHEN I TELL YOU BUT IT HAS BEEN FUCKI YEARS AND YOU HAVENT EVEN TRIED DO YOU KNOW HOW MCH THAT HURTS ME?

I can’t even explain how tiring it is that you look at me and you don’t see me for who I am. You see a girl who doesn’t know herself. You see a stupid little girl who is following a trend. IF YOU REALLY KNEW ME YOU WOULD KNOW I DONT FUCKING FOLLOW TRENDS MOM!!!! It isn’t a fucking phase! I thought I was just non-binary and I told you back then. And I wish I hadn’t, because I was still confused about what I was and I went about it aggressively and that isn’t how you tell people how you really feel because then they’ll never believe you.

You will never believe me when I tell you who I am. I don’t know if I hate you for it or if I can just ignore it so I can still love you. It’s both. I have to ignore the way you see me so I can love you in a way that works. I hate when you talk about me to other people because I know the words you will speak, I know the name you will use, and I try to brace myself but it still hurts more every fucking time.

God, I wish I was just born a boy. I wish I was born and raised like a boy. I wish I had a dick. I wish I had a deep voice. I wish I had facial hair, I want to look at myself in the mirror, I want to look in the mirror and not see a stranger looking back at me.

I don’t know what to do. Whenever I try to explain what I want to be (a gender non conforming guy but also just some guy), you butt in and say “why not be a gender non conforming girl?”

BECAUSE I TRIED THAT AND IT DIDNT WORK. I LOVE MYSELF AND I LOVE MY BODY BUT I AM ALSO IN THE WRONG BODY AND THERES MEDICAL WAYS TO FIX THAT BUT IF I TRY TO DO THAT UNDER YOUR ROOF I AM TWRRIFIED OF WHAT COULD HAPPEN TO ME. And GOD I am terrified of doing the medical treatments too, because I am one bad politician away from my entire life being ruined when I do go on those. There’s already a lot of states I cannot safely go to or live in. I can’t fucking visit my grandmother in Florida because I am TERRIFIED of how I would be treated there. I am TERRIFIED of the politics there.

And yeah, sure, maybe I wouldn’t visit that grandmother anyway, sue me. I know there’s gotta be somewhere you got your beliefs from and I’m willing to bet it’s not just the church, but also her. God I hope it’s her and not just you absorbing the church’s ideals like a sponge, because I KNOW you’re smarter than that. And I KNOW childhood beliefs can be challenged and changed, but there’s a sinking feeling in my heart that it isn’t just childhood beliefs. There’s a sinking feeling that that church is part of why you’re not a safe space for me.

And I am so scared, because I know when I move out, I am going to double down. I’m a man. I’m a boy. I always have been. I always will be. I don’t know how to explain it, you try to explain why you’re a woman without saying it’s because of your body. Tell me why your spirit is a woman without saying “I don’t know”. What exactly is your connection with womanhood?

I’ll tell you my connection with manhood. When I was a little kid, I didn’t think about this stuff. But I thought it would be REALLY cool to do things in a boy way. I tried and failed multiple times to stand up to pee, just to prove I could. I didn’t even really care about the stereotypes, I just thought it’d be cool to be a boy.

I remember years later, I was sitting in front of the old TV, staring at the screen after starting a new save on Pokémon Ruby. I was wondering if I should pick the boy option. Part of me REALLY wanted to pick the boy option.

But I was scared. Why was I scared? Had my mind already been poisoned with subconscious hatred, even at such a young age? I don’t know. I just know when I heard someone nearby, I picked the girl option- out of FEAR. Part of me KNEW I shouldn’t pick the boy option. Part of me KNEW I shouldn’t even be thinking about it.

I didn’t think about these things back then, didn’t realize being a boy was an option- in fact, I thought it was dangerous. I considered myself boyish, sure. I wasn’t a tomboy, but tomboy fit what I thought I was, I thought I was a girl who felt weirdly.. boy.

My breasts started to grow. I had been excited for them at first, but when they actually grew, I hated them. I didn’t know why. I just wanted to hide them. I wanted them gone. I was excited, so why was I feeling like this?

Why did I hate the way my body was changing?

Must just be normal puberty, right? Everyone hates their bodies changing like this. And besides, the breasts came with periods, and periods suck. So maybe I was just hating puberty as a whole.

The feeling didn’t go away. It just got worse and worse and worse.

I grew up. And then I found out what trans means. And then I did research. And then I picked a fight with you, telling you I’m non-binary.

Because that’s what I thought I was. I had never had time to really think about it, after all. I wasn’t a girl, but I couldn’t be a boy, right? “Boys are gross and ugly and annoying and I don’t want to be that so I can’t be a boy. Besides, trans is too strong of a word for what I feel,” that’s what I thought.

And time went on. And I matured. And I realized that, yes, I am a boy. A girlish boy, maybe, a genderfuck boy who wants to wear dresses AND suits, but he will NEVER be recognized as a boy when he does wear a dress because his body doesn’t match his soul.

The more I grow, the more I realize:

My body wasn’t meant for me and I wasn’t meant for this body.

My voice in my head is lower than how it comes out. My face itches for lack of facial hair, my whole body itches for lack of hair. Long hair feels suffocating, blinding. I can’t even bear to look at my chest anymore, can barely bear to touch it.

And it HURTS every time I look in the mirror, every time I speak.

But not NEARLY as much as it hurts to hear that name.

I chose the name Kris because it was convenient. <DEADNAME> and Kris both start with a K. They’re both four letters. And, unlike <DEADNAME>, NOBODY is going to say the name Kris wrong, and nobody is gonna SEE the name Kris and assume it’s a girl’s name.

I chose the name Kris, and my pronouns fluctuated, but my name stayed the same. For TWO YEARS it stayed the same.

And yet you still keep calling me <DEADNAME>. You keep calling me a DAUGHTER. You keep calling me a SHE.

It HURTS.

And honestly? I wish you just wouldn’t call for me at all at this point.

I love you. But I can only handle you in small amounts, and only when we’re alone, because when you talk about me, you use words that drive straight into my soul.

I am not a FUCKING girl.

Girls are awesome. They’re great. Girls are beautiful, and wonderful, and I love girls.

It’s just.. I’m not one. I never was.

And I don’t know how you can’t see that.

Don’t you remember? The times when I was a kid, when I would try to stand up to pee? Don’t you know how much I wished to be a brother too? I made being the only daughter my personality, but that’s because I didn’t know I could be anything else.

Didn’t you see how much I tried to reject femininity?

One day, I said I hate the color pink. I said I hate it with a passion, I spat vicious vitriol at such a pretty color.

I was wearing a pink jacket.

Years later, I look back and I see a confused, hurting.. I’m not sure what I was.

Honestly.. I don’t think I was a boy then. I mean, I was ALWAYS a boy deep down, but at the time, I didn’t KNOW that, and I was trying REALLY HARD to just be a girl but not like other girls(?), so I’m not really sure what I was then.

I just know I wasn’t a girl. And some part of me deep down knew that, and was VICIOUSLY attacking everything feminine I did and liked in an attempt to distance myself from it all.

I hate that you can’t recognize that.

I love you, and I love the name <DEADNAME>, it’s such a nice name, really. I love women, they’re so wonderful and deserving of all the best (deserving of much better than society gives them, really).

But I’m not <DEADNAME>. I’m not your daughter, I’m not a she.

I will probably burst into tears if you ever call me your son. And I am TERRIFIED. Because I KNOW you will take that the wrong way, use it as yet another reason I’m just confused.

I’m not. I think YOURE confused.

You tell me statistics aren’t good to use but good GOD, the statistics I use are REAL. They’re from STUDIES. If you can’t use real FUCKING numbers, what the hell else are you supposed to do?

I don’t know what to do. It hurts more to talk to you every day because it’s getting worse and worse the longer I spend in a body that doesn’t fit with a voice that doesn’t match, and YOU aren’t helping.

I’m so, so tired of being seen as something I’m not. I’m so tired of fantasizing and dreaming about being seen for who I am and then being reminded that wouldn’t be safe.

I’m tired of you. I love you, but you make me so, so tired.

So forgive me if I got too snappish when I corrected you. Holding in the corrections is only serving to hurt me, and I don’t feel safe around you anymore.

Honestly, I doubt I ever did.

I don’t remember the last time I had a genuine conversation with you that ended where you understood me. You look at me and you see this wayward child, this lost sheep. You don’t try to understand ME, you only try to make me understand YOU.

Well, guess what? I am an ADULT HUMAN MAN. Your god will NEVER be mine, he has HURT ME. I’m not a sixteen year old trapped in a nineteen year old body, I am NINETEEN and AUTISTIC. I'm not maturing the way you thought I would because school and everything in my life burnt me out and people hurt me, so I didn’t get to emotionally mature when I should have, and I’m picking up the pieces left behind by that trauma now but that doesn’t mean I’m not an adult. I still feel too overwhelmed by the world to live on my own but I am an ENTIRE ADULT and you need to REALIZE that. I know I’m still young and stupid, but that doesn’t make me not an adult. YOU NEED TO LOOK AT ME AND SEE AN ADULT.

Oh, and on your religion? I’m not a lost sheep, I am a WOLF who will EAT your Shepard.

Because I was a blue sheep.

I was a blue sheep who was painted pink, and the flock said “Our Shepard loves you no matter what color you are!”

But when I showed my colors, the flock turned away. Averted their eyes and avoided me.

And you did too.

And that shepard never said a word to me, never even noticed when I was left behind.

The meaner ones in the flock even called me a wolf. So you know what I did? I grew fangs.

You know what? Part of me wants to bite you- that is to say, to keep correcting you. You take that as a bite? Fine. I will fucking bite, until you bleed enough that you decide enough is enough.

You can choose whether you distance yourself from me or actually start referring to me by my name, by my pronouns. You can respect me or you can leave.

I don’t care.

I hate you. I love you, but I hate you so much.

I don’t even hate you, actually. I’m just hurt. I’m so hurt and angry and I feel so guilty for feeling this way.

I didn’t choose to be a blue sheep. I didn’t choose to get turned into a wolf. The flock thought of me as one and that’s what I became.

I never asked for this.

I never asked for you to adopt me. I never asked to be put with someone who can’t understand.

Why don’t you understand?

WHY DONT YOU UNDERSTAND!?

WHY DON’T I UNDERSTAND!!!???

I DO UNDERSTAND!!! You don’t know how to understand. Because you only look at one side.

The church’s side.

Your God’s side.

I want to kill your god.

So many of my problems would be solved if he never existed. So many of my problems wouldn’t exist if Joseph Smith didn’t exist.

Maybe I wouldn’t be alive today.

Or maybe fate has a way, and our family would have been together somehow anyway, and maybe you’d care for me the way you do for my brothers. Maybe you’d stop seeing me as your daughter.

If I was born a boy, maybe I’d be your weird gay GNC son.

Please call me your son.

Please call me your son.

PLEASE CALL ME YOUR SON.

I LOVE YOU PLEASE, I BEG YOU ON MY FUCKING HANDS AND KNEES PLEASE CALL ME YOUR SON IM YOUR SON I AM YOUR FUCKING SON PLEASE CALL ME YOUR

[newvegascowboy]

I'd like to say a thing abt your mutation thing in fallout!!

Some people have the misconception that evolution = getting "better" at surviving. Evolution is a fancy way of saying "nature throwing shit at the wall and seeing what sticks". Mutations are completely random - for example, snakes lost their legs. Why? Bc there was a mutation, and it didn't have a negative impact. So over time, the legless lizard population kept growing and eventually turned into a whole type of lizard. It doesn't necessarily mean it was better for them; just that it didn't kill em. What radiation does is make DNA replication very unstable, which means more mutations, which basically means Evolution Speedrun.

Also, the 2-headed animals are chimeras. Chimerism happens irl too, but it's real rare and usually they die quick. It's what results in conjoined twins! It's surprisingly common (still rare as fuck, but not as rare) in reptiles: two-headed snakes and turtles are a good example of survivable chimerism.

So, why does every radstag/brahmin/whatever have two heads? Because radiation interferes with the fetal development! My guess is that somehow the gametes produced by those animals are already "conjoined" in a way; like two sperms fused together/ two eggs stuck mid-mitosis, so when they're fertilized, it always ends up in a "two-headed creature" - AKA two individual creatures fused together at birth - AND because this fucky wucky didn't kill off the entire radstag/brahmin/whatever population, nature just went "okay!" And now they're the norm after 200 years.

Anyways, I apologize for the rant, but I'm literally mid biology degree and Fallout is one of the things that is keeping me sane through this nightmare I set upon myself so... Yay?

I didnt know the two hesds was a result of chimaerism! That's really interesting actually, I was going to look it up and just didnt get around to it. And yeah, just because a slime mold doesn't have eyes or legs doesn't make it "less evolved" than a human. It just evolved to suit certain conditions in its environment, and those characteristics are still favorable for survival. Part of the reason I've been writing up a bunch of posts like this is because I've missed debating with my biology professor LOL. I appreciate your input! I was thinking about researching and writing up a meta post about animals as well, so this was right into my niche of interest

[kiwibirdlafayette]

Its Gays on A Boat! (working title)

There's a multiversal threat, and theres only one group of idiots that can stop it! Its taking out the S1 Mianite world and its comin for the rest of the universes in the vast SMP Multiverse o nooo

Mianite spin off pitch; Post DSMP; canon divergent. uhh fills in what Sonja was up to during Isles and after the fact. mostly just random ideas i had i cant write prose for shit

A few years after S2 Sonja and Wag get kinda left behind. Tom returns to Astrakheins with Alice to find himself, Jordan depressedly goes off to become a pirate, Tucker leaves the universe to pursue other things

The two of them end up gettin into more powerful magics outta boredom (which Martha doesnt really like all that much) and in her explorations, Sonja stumbles upon the idea of necromancy. i dont have it fleshed out but. she talks to Philza (whos in the S1 world with Techno, pre-SMP Earth) who introduces her to Kristen. exploration of Capsizes limbo and basically she brings back Capsize

Canonically SMPEarth takes place right before Isles. and uhh While Jordan and Tom have reunited when Martha and Alice send the two back in time to investigate x thing idk i didnt finish the series yet (Mianitian Isles) Sonja is kinda just tryna help Capsize find herself again bc she didnt come back right (big ol memory issues). Post Isles Tom ends up on their boat with no idea where Jordan went (spoiler: bro ended up in the End of the DSMP, pulled there by XD) Jordan gets involved with the DSMP Syndicate bc of Phil and Techno

((theres a gap in story here but tldr; before the nuclear bomb that resets the server goes off, the trio find Jordan and take him and Tubbo- maybe also Ranboo and Michael- onto the boat and they fuck off to.... somewhere. Phil and Techno have their own way out i personally like the Syndicate ending Phil wrote i dont wanna mess with it))

A lot of it kinda focuses on the four reconnecting and repairing their faults of the past and a continuation of this multiversal threat that Jordan was investigating on the DSMP which i cant really explain yet. basically think world historian but a lot worse with quintessence stuff

like Jordan trying to make it up to a Capsize for how he treated her, but who doesn't remember him that well, Jordan reconnecting with his son that he basically had to abandon when the Realm of Mianite was falling apart, the tension between Sonja and Tom, where Sonja has kinda been Capsize's friend all this time while he was gone and regretting not being around, Tom helping Capsize through this revival state relating his own experience where he cant remember the ghosts of his past life all that well- and more!

also shenanigans. tons of mianite-style silly shenanigans cause we love some absolute 180 contrast in these damn things

other maybe plot points

Furia. yea theyre back

redbeard coping with the fact his sister is back. havent decided how much she remembers of him for angst reasons >:]

if i stick to ranboos canon ending for their character, them finding ranboo in the nether at some point

tom really leaning into the godhood of bein mecha dianite

meeting their origins alts from starborne kingdom of dianite when the timelines start to get fucky and blended together

motanite returns, and most of the Ruxomar Alts (including Spark whos been in the vast expanse with S2Ianite and comes back to roast Jordan)

Waglington. just waglington.

ok thats it for now. ill take questions i guess i know its very disorganized bc im still writing OSMP stuff and im tryna to not do two at once

[delicrieux]

☆ﾐ 𝚖𝚊𝚔𝚎 𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝚜𝚊𝚢 “𝚘𝚑”

PART 10: BIG DICK IS BACK IN TOWN

y/n is back in brooklyn for the holidays. thinking that a stream will make her feel less homesick for cali, she starts working on her famously titled hentai.free.srv. what was supposed to be a relaxing stream turns into a special delivery about two hours in.

─── corpse husband x reader ─── soc. media + written fiction! ─── word count: 2.2k ─── ❥ req: Here's one... You know those apps for delivery like Domino's or whatnot... What if reader is streaming Among Us with Corpse, and reader mentions they're hungry and Corpse offers to order them food, and readers like no no it's fine... Then there's delivery at the door (Corpse ordered beforehand) 

author’s note: fucky format is also back in town baby!!! also if you find any mistakes - no u didnt <3 thank u everyone for enjoying this story sm i literally cant believe how feral yall going strawberry cow was a nuclear explosion im still recovering tbh. got an ask a while ago and decided to incorporate it into myso. happy holidays everyone! myso will continue on monday!

ultimate masterlist.  ҉  myso masterlist   ҉   previous.  ҉   next.

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Indeed, being soft on any social media platform was the biggest disgrace and needed to be eliminated post haste. Moreover, it was a slippery slope - once you start flooding your timeline with cute imagery and heart emojis, what will stop you from posting inspirational Facebook quotes? Disgusting. If Rae were here, she would chide you (not you thinking about her as if she’s dead or something). For once in your life, you feel like you deserve it. 

Alas, you hope this little chaos you’ve caused is enough to throw everyone off. The stans, especially. You know the hashtags, you’ve seen ARMY scourging for info online with the same fervor and ruthlessness 1 Direction fans hacked airport security cameras just to spy on the boys. If you had any dirty secrets online, they are out to the public now - thankfully, besides the Harry Styles stan account (with edits and all), you have nothing. Though, now that you think about it, exposed nudes would have been better than your Punk!Harry edit receiving almost a million views. God, your life’s a fucking mess.

Your fans aren’t the only ones out for info - you, too, are trying to decipher Rae’s message. Code: Barbecue Sauce. The two of you had come up with it roughly two years ago, around the same time when you promised that if you didn’t find significant others by the time you’re 40, you’ll just marry each other. It was one of the many rules found in your friendship codex. Barbecue Sauce signifies information - an exchange of information. And depending on how it ends or begins (”So I’m sitting there” alludes to Rae, “On my titties” alludes to you), secret data on that person is given away, usually free of charge. 

But why? And to whom did Rae give away what? You had pestered her mercilessly and even sent some voice messages where you were crying. You were only crying because of a video of a grandpa smiling you saw on TikTok, but you are a snake, and so you put those tears to good use. If streaming doesn’t work out, you’ll just become an actress. Hollywood would love you. Your PR firm sure as fuck wouldn’t, though.

Rae was having none of it. She said you’ll figure it out eventually. Told you to channel your superior puzzle skills. You were quick to remind her that you can barely count to ten without having an aneurysm. Oddly serious, she admitted that she worries for you sometimes. Why only sometimes?! you demanded. She merely sighed. uttering under her breath something that sounded closely to “Boke.”

You leave her for barely a week and she’s already neck deep in the gay volleyball anime, hoodie and cardboard cutout and everything. Your life is falling apart.

But Brooklyn is nice. It had snowed when you stepped off of the plane. Thousands of snowflakes sprinkling into your hair, dotting your cheeks and nose. You missed this sight back in Cali. You missed your parents, too. 

Home cooked meals, old sweaters, your old room and about 40GB worth of old high school pictures on your computer. You went through them all one night. Some were stomach churning, cringe inducing nightmares. You were especially fond of those. Texted some of your friends that were still in Brooklyn, met up, decided to bake. Bad idea, Rae was the resident chef back in Cali. Besides laughing till your stomach hurt, and almost burning down your kitchen, nothing all that significant happened. Somewhere down the line, at about 3 am, half-way through a cheesy rom-com you had the overwhelming urge to text Corpse.

That’s where the problems really started. God, you missed California, missed being in the same timezone with a guy you hadn’t even met yet, how embarrassing is that?! You missed skating around and taking pictures of the beach in the setting sun, sending it to him, silently wishing he was with you to admire the view. 

You really want to call him. And to hang out with him. But for some reason, the thought of that springs up immediate anxiety and you shy away from asking. Him sending you cute good morning texts doesn’t help, either. Maybe it’s better he doesn’t know that you’re a blushing, stuttering mess each time you read “baby”. 

Late evening. Your stream is already set up, people are slowly trickling in and you greet them with a grin and a soft “Hello! Hi hi!”. You did your best to make your room a perfectly chaotic backdrop - led lights, an embarrassing amount of anime merch and plushies. You always try to balance out your weeb side by dressing hot as fuck for your streams - today’s inspiration just so happens to be egirls. Mostly because you watched one too many egirl make-up tutorials on TikTok, and also because you’ve been listening to Corpse’s song all day.

Yeah, no, who are you kidding, you dressed up this way because you were hoping Corpse was watching your stream. You didn’t forget your cat headphones, either. You know he likes them. You want to make him suffer. Perhaps then, finally, he will ask you out, so you wouldn’t have to.

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“I feel like,” You start when you put away your phone, staring idly at the chat, “I feel like I need a new name for you guys. Calling you guys after two years of streaming is just... weird, no? I also don’t respect men so I don’t want to call you guys. Like, so many creator’s have, like, a name for their fans. Uhm, Cody Ko has the chodesters, Kurtis Conner has, uh, folks? Kurtis Town? Citizens! Markiplier has mommy issues--” You can’t help snorting, “So, I’ve been, like, thinking - I know, shocking! - so I was thinking I’m gonna name you cockroaches. Because you’re grimy little shits impossible to kill. And also then I can use the legendary Minaj meme ROACHES!”

Your stream enthusiastically echoes ROACHES, making the chat swim. Yes, if anyone would enjoy such a name, it would be your audience. You’re as equally proud as you are disturbed.

“Well, anyway.” Leaning back into your chair, you throw your arms out with a bright grin, “Big dick is back in town, baby! If you noticed the backdrops different, it’s cuz I’m in Brooklyn now. Don’t ask me when I will return to Always Sunny, I don’t plan that far ahead.”

While Minecraft boots up, you decide to answer a few questions.

r u dating sykkuno?

You want to smack your head into the keyboard, but as it is, you can’t exactly afford a new one, so you refrain, “No, Sykkuno and I are not dating, we are just good friends. Uhm, I’m not sure how much I’ll have to repeat this, but, we really aren’t, so if the roaches could chill - Oh my God, that sounds so stupid, I love it - uh, yeah, if the roaches could chill that’d be great.”

the roaches lmao sounds like we’re a sports team

“Oh shit, yeah it does, uh-- maybe I can make like, jerseys or something. That’d be cool, I think.”

how disappointed are your parents with the way your life turned out?

“My parents are actually not disappointed at all!” You say with a cute little smile, “Uhm, they’re both really proud, actually. They’re glad I found something I love doing and made a job outta it. Dad finds my Youtube videos endearing. Yes, they watch pretty much all of my videos, unless I explicitly tell them not to. And yeah, with all the fucks and thirsting for anime characters. Uhm, it was very embarrassing at first, but I mean, after a while, shame just...doesn’t exist anymore, I guess? Funny thing about my parents, actually, when they watch my videos-” You eye catches a comment, “Oh! No, they only watch my Youtube videos. They don’t know how to use Twitter, thank God. Uhm, anyway-- when they hear a name they don’t know, like, I dunno, Dabi, or something, they google--” You’re grinning by now, eyes crinkling, giggling softly, “--who that is, and buy me like, merch and stuff. It’s really cute. 

can i be adopted by ur parents plz

will you and corpse ever collab?!

You were about to answer, though the man of the hour himself decides to do it for you.

Corpse_Husband: yes.

Okay, not to say your heart skipped a beat, but it totally did. With a pleased smile, you nod, like one of those bobble head toys sold at the dollar store. The motion is oddly reminiscent of Sykkuno’s own nod. Perhaps you had picked it up from him. The chat seems to notice.

pack it up, sykkuno

More questions pile about this mysterious collab you and Corpse are planning. Yeah, you’d like to hear more about it, too, since he single highhandedly decided one was happening right now. Corpse remains silent. Fine, keep your secrets. 

“Okay, guys, oh, I mean, roaches, Oh my God--” You’re covering your mouth, giggling, “-calling all roaches, calling all roaches, calm down. Everyone grab a snack and a blanket I’m turning up the music volume so we can all chill. Entering chill zone. Entering chill zone. Roaches, prepare.”

we are prepared

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An hour or so passes and you grow hungry. It shows with the amount of cakes you had baked in your server. Currently, you find yourself throwing eggs at the wall of one of the renovated houses, your face scrunched in concentration and slight frustration. 24 of the 50 eggs have been wasted. “What’s a girl gotta do to get some chicks around here?” you had uttered under your breath, until, finally, a screech - the egg finally spawns a mob. Your mouth falls open, “Aww, look!” You approach it, so small, walking in zigzags beside you, “It’s a baby chicken! Die, bitch.” The baby chicken is no more as you swing your bedazzled (you have mods) diamond sword. You’re cackling by the time the dust settles.

y/n is a child murderer

“Roaches,” You address your fan-base, spurring another fit of laughter - you can’t get over the name, “I think I’m like, forgetting that eating in Minecraft won’t actually make less hungry in real life.”

take a break and go eat queen <3

“Fuck no, we starve and die like men. Now I actually really need another chicken.”

Another twenty minutes trickle by and you’re trying to lure back a panda from the jungle when there’s a knock on your bedroom’s door. Whipping your head to the side, you slide down your headphones. At the same time, your mom pokes her head through the ajar door, “MOM!” You scream, “Get OUT of my room I’m playing Minecraft!” But your yell has no actual bite to it, as you don’t manage to hide your smile. Your mom laughs, doing some sort of sign language and motioning for you to follow her with her head. That or it’s some sort of performative dance. 

“I’m live right now,” You tell her, pointing at your screen. She knows this already, though, “do you want to say hi?” 

The roaches spam the chat with friendly hellos. You mom, quite impatient now, waves you over. 

“Sorry, roaches, mom needs something. Be back in a bit!”

Stopping the stream, you rush out of your seat and pleased she slinks into the hallway. “What’s this about?”

“Your pizza came.”

“My what now?” You echo, confused.

“Domino’s. You ordered pizza?”

“What? No? I was busy with the stream, I never--”

Thankfully, you had managed to grab your phone from your room before you exited. You almost choke on spit once you read the messages.

✼　 ҉ 　✼　 ҉ 　✼　 ҉ 　✼　 ҉ 　✼　 ҉ 　✼

✼　 ҉ 　✼　 ҉ 　✼　 ҉ 　✼　 ҉ 　✼　 ҉ 　✼

You decide that it’ll be impossible to stream after experiencing what you had just experienced. You tweet out a quick apology to the roaches (God, that fucking name) and say that you had a breakdown but you’re okay. That is as a close to the truth as you managed to muster. It’s a sad sight, chewing and crying; your mom winced when she saw your state - disheveled hair and rundown eyeliner and everything. “D’aww,” She had muttered, caressing the top of your head, “don’t cry my little raccoon.”

If anyone was ever to ask you where did your chaotic nature come from, you’d answer with my mom. To make yourself feel better, you took a selfie - duck face and peace sign and the horrible 2000′s angle. Sent it to Rae. 

looking hot, her message read. 

thanks, was all you replied with.

You couldn’t just leave things as they were. Once you calmed down, you wanted to text Corpse, but how would you follow up the ungodly caps lock and screeching? Impossible. An idea sprung to mind, one that was brave. Taking the first step.

Instead of sending a text, you sent a voice memo.

“Thank you for the pizza, it was delicious.”

You voice still sounded a bit raspy. His reply was instant. Your heart skipped a beat. He sent a voice memo back.

“Glad you liked it, baby.”

He was going to be the death of you.

✼　 ҉ 　✼　 ҉ 　✼　 ҉ 　✼　 ҉ 　✼　 ҉ 　✼

tags (in italics is those i couldn’t tag! make sure all’s ok w your settings!) : @littlebabysandboxburritos - @fairywriter-oracle - @tsukishimawh0re - @ofstarsanddreams - @bbecc-a - @annshit - @leahh19 - @letsloveimagines - @bellomi-clarke - @wineandionysus - @guiltydols - @onephootinfrontoftheother - @liamakorn - @thirstyfangirl - @lilysdaydreams - @pan-ini - @mxqicshxp - @tanchosanke - @yoshinorecommends - @flightsandfantasy - @liljennyx3 - @slashersdream - @unknown-and-invisible - @sinister-sleep - @fivedicksinatrenchcoat - @mercury–moon - @peterparkerspjsuit - @unstableye - @simonsbluee - @shinyshimaagain - @ppopty - @siriuslystupid - @crapimahuman - @ofthedewthesunlight - @mythicalamphitrite - @artsyally - @corpsesimpp - @corpsewhitetee - @corpse-husbandsimp - @hyp-oh-critical - @roses-and-grasses - @rhyrhy462 - @sparklylandflaplawyer - @charbkgo - @airwaveee - @creativedogs - @kaitlyn2907 - @loxbbg - @afuckingunicornn - @fleurmoon - @yeolliedokai - @truly-dionysus - @multi-fandom-central707

more tags are in the comments bcs tumblr only allows me to tag 50 people max 💙

[larrythefloridaman]

Y'all like your deities with or without the shell?

Under the readmore is aaaaaaaaall color god observations and musings based on them, because I am studying to become the world's Premiere Chromatheologian and RGB Understander so under the cut is pretty much Oops! All Spoilers! up to the most recent episode of season 3.

Apparently Universal Color God Attributes:

Damage to their domain hurts them, but fixing the issue, or lashing out by using their powers destructively, can help them to repair the damage.

If they sustain enough damage, it can temporarily paralyze them and send them into a strengthened but 'exposed' state (chartreuse's spirit activation in the last fight of 19) and further damage after that will activate a failsafe, which is unique by domain but seemingly designed to give them the chance to balance things, but can get… very out of hand or backfire depending on circumstances. (see: cobalt’s failsafe sending mark's universe into a never-ending apocalyptic war because word of the cure for death became too widespread for the killing urge failsafe to affectively balance anything because every side could simply revive their fallen.)

Chartreuse's failsafe is something of a stopped time bubble quarantine where processes that require the passing of time cannot complete, allowing her the time to wear down the offending party to beat them to death or plan around finishing them.

Cobalt's is inciting war, the casualties serving to balance the scale. I'm not sure we know Crimson's yet- he's never taken enough direct damage without doing damage to compensate in order to trigger it, although i dont remember season one well enough to recall if any of the universe stuff in it tracks with the pattern bc season one is a bit fucky

Connected in a fashion that allows them to simply Sense the overall status of the others to some extent, although they don't know Why theyre in the state theyre in without asking (chartreuse [and by extension, folk, presumably on her information] confronting crimson via crimsonaut for pretending to be dead, Cobalt confronting both his siblings about how they are handling their duties improperly but not knowing about Folk. He knew about the constants deaths because hes a death god, duh, but he didnt use their names like crimson did, possibly implying they're erased upon death so thoroughly that only crimson and the constants can really recall a shattered constants' existence, not even the other guardians.)

Abilities of the guardians can be replicated by mortals through three apparent methods- through machines (dimensional bus, the time machine, presumably J0hn's part in Sephiroth's resurrection,) simply through advanced enough individual skill (Home MD curing death, potentially Dantoinette's universe portal travel, maybe Genwun's sped up time bubble that evolved them into Genfour? although that could very well have just been an illusion and theyre just like, a fuckin theater kid that was doing pretend character development for the Bit or something given GenFive turned out to be a zoroark) or through stealing some of the power of the relevant god (Dr. Order stealing Chartreuse's power, Dani maybe having stolen some of Crimson's when she beat his ass. Dani's one woman universal travel is like, wicked ambiguous)

Cobalt:

Can seemingly perceive or act through any living material. (The Tree. Cobalt instructed Larry to slap his hand on that tree, that shit glowed and he had a new deal tattoo without Cobalt ever having been physically present)

Can influence the resurrected by giving them a killing urge. Represented by an aberrant brainwave and a ringing in the undead's heads. This doesnt appear to be direct control- as the Grunk could clearly restrain himself from killing people that genuinely didn't deserve it (like nightly and cha cha, who WERE grunk event targets but not fatally so. Nagito was a crimson thing so it really doesn't count here. God poor grunk his life really is just a constant plaything in the hands of the gods huh) and Sephiroth very much had personal motivation to want to kill Folk. failsafe activates this ability on the scale of war.

Deals. The extent of what Cobalt can do with these is unclear but Iggy's god powers were taken from him as his part in the deal so what he can take isn't limited to physical things or things obviously related to his domain.

Weaknesses:

Deals. While this ability is impressive his preference for making deals for those that offend against his domain is potentially very exploitable- Larry's knowledge of the cure for death is, if word of it were to ever get out beyond Larry, wildly dangerous for this dimension, so technically the safest thing for the iron-fisted cobalt to do would be to nip the problem in the bud and get rid of him. But, fascinatingly, that wasn't even put on the table, the first thing Cobalt does is threaten J0hn, prompting Larry to make a deal. While Cobalt enforces death, he also doesn't like unnecessary death, and Larry demonstrably knows how to keep a secret for the good of the world even at great cost to himself and Cobalt is aware of this- easily clarifying to Larry the aberrant thing endangering the universe wasn't his timeloop business. So while he's clearly not letting his resurrection fuckery go unpunished, he's being pretty merciful when he doesn't have to be and from a strictly, brutally pragmatic perspective probably shouldn't be.

His control over the undead manifests as a ringing and an aberrant brainwave trackable by J0hn's equipment, and could probably therefore be accounted for and circumvented? J0hn has, wisely, largely sworn off fucking with people's brains after the sephiroth fiasco went So Wrong, So Very Wrong, Oh God Oh Fuck Someone Cool Almost Died, but if he hadn't, and if J0hn let his dislike for authority and keeping Larry safe outweigh reason like he let safety, spite and comedic value outweigh good ethical sense when reprogramming sephiroth, in theory Mr. 'hacked a time machine for breakfast?' could. y'know. probably do it. what is a god's authority to an anarchist, what better to challenge life and death than the cold and eternal machine, you get the point its a fun scenario

Olive Garden Breadsticks and Small Cute Dogs, apparently

Chartreuse's:

Time Clones: taps into parallel timelines to retrieve alternate versions of herself to utilize.

Time Travel: what it says on the tin. Travel to the past creates painful splits in the prime timeline, but through careful action and traveling back into the past, these can be weaved into a time loop. A split from the timeline is a wound, and a successful timeloop is the surgical scar it can become with attentive care, to use a medical metaphor. Carefully closed and healing. Keeping Folk here is essentially akin to chartreuse pulling out her stitches on the initial incision.

Time Stopping: creates a space wherein things that take time to complete cannot complete, where things can move, but everything within is in a perfect unchanging stasis until the bubble drops. This is the form her failsafe takes.

Timeline Creation: can create timelines from scratch.

Can fuse alternate timeline versions of the same individual to allow them to coexist. (Ryan's confirmed in the discord that Dantoinette experienced both failures in 20, because Chartreuse fused the two instances of her to save the post-raid instance from fading. Could... theoretically do this to Folk and save herself the pain, but while Folk and Therapuppy are the same person, there's seven years and untold amounts of difference deriving from the time and circumstance between them and the inherent cognitive dissonances that would result from attempting that would be wicked fucked up to inflict, and that's assuming there isn't some reason that it wouldn't be possible anyway. while the two Danis had like. A day or so's difference between them, so she could be safely fused with the only dissonant thing being that she remembers both being too slow to prevent order's time escape and beginning to dissipate post-raid, AND losing that fight to her pre-raid. RIP Dani, that perfectionism must be kicking her ass)

Weaknesses:

Unwilling to use her powers destructively in her pursuit of domain repair and thereby much easier to damage to the point of paralyzing her, making her particularly vulnerable to Power Theft

Morally Optimistic. At one point in 19, she briefly justifies Crimson's shitty evil actions to herself after experiencing for herself how Wack the kerfuffleverse is firsthand, ("and all he did was kill a couple people!" Chartreuse. Honey.) and when she fights Crimsonaut she seems to actually believe for a second that he's actually worried about her when Crimson asks if she's okay after he beats her. Additionally, as D+, she concerns herself with trying to understand doctor order's motive, and after Larry defeats Order, he makes a point of confirming she feels no remorse before making his request for what Chartreuse does with her, and appeals to the idea of letting Order fulfill her desire to be a god in a way which isn't a problem for anyone and Chartreuse is more than happy to oblige under these conditions after what Larry's done for everybody. Then immediately threatens to evaporate him for playfully teasing her about having a crush on folk. Fucked up a little bit

Crimson's:

Universe Shifting: Travel between universes.

Universe Correction: appears to replace an aberrant individual with the 'correct' version of themselves for that universe, presumably sending them back to their own. (Mario from super mario was universe corrected, but still seemingly exists in wario form as evidenced by smashup kerfuffle, and was simply temporarily replaced with his corrected universe counterpart. But like. The dimensional bus system is still active crimbo doing the Put That Thing Back Where It Came From Or So Help Me routine aint gonna work if they can come back with a shrug and bus fare. you're fighting the symptoms without treating the problem)

Universal Constants:

Three individuals per universe that serve as the pillars which stabilize said universe, created by absorbing red orbs Crimson creates. Becoming a constant grants power, but also makes the constant fragile, and death wipes them from the face of the multiverse, only crimson, those he's possessed and the other constants seemingly able to recall they ever existed, although some physical evidence is still left behind (Larry's record of Nagito's death, which is just as redacted as everything else relating to him but still is very much something Larry has. Kind of a Voidfish adventurezone type beat ironically enough? Taako really has seen all this shit before no wonder he peaced tf out)

To counterbalance the weaknesses the constants have, they have a sort of spidey-sense to alert them to danger, and an intrinsic bonded connection to their fellow constants, and additionally, Crimson apparently doesn't suffer any pain from the death of constants or the structural instability of a universe.

Possession: what it says on the tin! Seemingly can only be done with permission to living things- none of crimson's direct hosts seem to have entered that agreement unwillingly, Valentine lost a bet, Hamburger and Crimsonaut have been by all evidence intentional allies to Crimson- but electronics are fair game, as seen with The Guy's suit. Kinda curious how that rule applies to bitches that are half and half, like J0hn or the clonebot gang, as its unclear whether The Guy's suit was yoinkable without permission because it was mechanical or because its not sentient. could go either way but if it's the former that's potentially very frightening

Fusion: Two individuals from alternate universes can be fused into one shared body which can take on aspects of either depending on which is currently in control. (possibly allows someone who traveled into a given universe to become a fixed resident there without it being an issue for Crimson, whose job is to prevent interdimensional travel?) Monday Mark and possibly T.O.M. are our main examples.

Corruption:

Unpleasant As Hell and can even kill you instead of changing you if you cant handle it.

turns the corrupted individual into a twisted exaggeration of themself, allows them supernatural control over their shape, and makes them very difficult- if not impossible by traditional means- to kill, based on Garfield.

Subjects them to control by Crimson, but can be exorcised of this influence just like crimson's direct hosts can, although the supernatural changes to their physiology are seemingly permanent, judging from Shantae.

Notable Weaknesses:

Exorcism can be performed to free a possessed or corrupted individual of Crimson's influence. Its unclear how exorcism works/is learned in CPUK, but confirmed exorcists: dantoinette and yung papaya's snake dad, confirmed non-exorcists: folk

The universal constant orbs are physical objects so they are Very Stealable and they grant a power boost so theres literally an Incentive to beat his ass for anybody who wants to be strong and either doesnt know or doesn't care about the whole 'getting erased when you die' part

Crimson has lots of tools to create pawns, but all of them have drawbacks. Corruption could kill a potential pawn, possession generally seems to require permission, and he has no control over the constants' choices and actions

Manipulative bitch's highest stat is charisma and it shows. This motherfucker is selling snake oil. If he was mortal rather than a Whole Entire God he'd make an excellent ineffectual saturday morning cartoon supervillain and i think everyone, including him, would be happier for it, ngl

Something interesting ive realized that likely wasnt fully intentional, is that a lot of Dr. Order's creations, considering her motive, can kind of be sorted by a color god it appears to be a crude attempt at mimicking the abilities of. My Grunk is a poorly executed resurrection, the clonebot gang vs chartreuse's timeclones (this one deserves special mention because Chartreuse used this shitty attempted mimicry to her advantage with D+, very smart and ironic play, excellent job Treusy,) spirits are somewhat similar to universal constant orbs (orbs which can be absorbed to grant power, but which have physical repercussions- key differences being that spirits require activation and grow stronger while attuning to a user without being used, and having far less severe drawbacks, taking a heavy toll on the body, but only once they've worn off and without the risk of wiping yourself from the face of existence,) and she also augmented Perfect Spriteman and Larry, which kind of track as crude imitations of Crimson's corruption!

Garfield was an acerbic cat who loved food and hated mondays, now its an actively malicious ever-hungry amorphous entity whose only weakness is monday and whose only consistency in form is 'cat-like.'

Shantae was (to my extremely limited understanding of shantae,) a friendly heroic type who had to introduce herself often, and she became something akin to a biblically accurate angel that can *only* introduce herself.

The Grunks a tough but sweet and supportive single dad with stage presence and a tendency to fly off the handle when he or his family are slighted, and now he gets so hype in the audience when his son does well that he bursts into flames and ascends and we get random grunk events along with the associated murder charges when he gets mad and the target sucks enough that he doesn't hold himself back from killing them.

Perfect Spriteman and Larry fit the trend of exaggeration of already present traits- Spriteman fucking loves sprite and became something that only thinks about sprite, and Larry the Florida Man, characterized from minute one by unpredictability and who spent his first matches in the series pre-shapeshifter transformation staying alive keeping stocks for Shockingly Long even despite getting seventh, became literally physically random as well as developing the ability to regenerate, albeit with the ability to feel pain normally very much intact, unlike Garfield just... Soaking up damage like its nothing in his pursuit of Jon. The fact that Arbuckle legit defeated Garfield, even temporarily, is terrifyingly impressive honestly that dude is fucking built different for being so chronically bland

i dont think they're actually corrupted in any meaningful way we have to worry about, to be fully clear, Spriteman was cured with fucking antacids, i simply think they could be a fucked up attempt at making something that kind of seems like it from a functional standpoint, from the wannabe god doctor that brought us green clones whose only fundamental association with time was accelerated aging and who thought an actively rotting corpse thats just reanimated enough that it can throw hands was as good as curing death

[spnshameblog]

one of the funniest things that has ever happened to me on here was when i joined this smaller fandom. so i didnt really make an effort to get to know people in that fandom and i basically made a sideblog to keep the stuff separate from my main bc i was expecting it to be a fixation i was going to get over within a few weeks/months.

so anyways i had noticed some weird/toxic behaviours in the fandom and i saw a few smaller callout posts about that, but i wasnt keeping track of names and it wasnt my main fandom so i didnt really pay it any mind until something really fucky happened and i got upset bc nobody called it out? so i made one really angry post about how fucked up that behaviour was and within hours i had gained hundreds of followers, people thanking me for speaking up, people making their own posts about the situation etc etc. i had basically started a huge fight in a fandom i wasnt even really in

but thats not the funny thing. after my post really gained momentum i got messaged by this one blogger who was CONVINCED i was calling out her, specifically. and i literally did not know who that person was. i told her so, but she didnt believe me, kept insisting i was vagueing her in the post. it felt like she was almost more pissed off by the fact that i "claimed" to not know her than by my callout post. and i just went 'babe i didnt know who you were up until now, but if you feel called out by the post, it might as well have been about you, so bye' and i blocked her and ended the conversation.

so anyways i kept gaining followers, to the point where that sideblog had nearly as much followers as my main (it still has more than this blog, which is the one i actually use most often lol) and i looked through some of the notes and people kept theorising who i was vagueing and kept throwing around names, but the name of the girl came up most often. apparently that girl had been the most popular blogger in the fandom since forever and people had been gassing her up and defending her behaviour this entire time and thats why she couldnt accept the fact that i literally didnt know who she was.

i left the fandom soon after that bc it had become apparent just how many people in the fandom were willing to protect super toxic people and i really only spent like two months there. and in that two months i managed to contribute to basically splitting the fandom in half, got harrassed by a fandom mom with an inflated ego, landed on multiple public blocklists and gained almost as many followers as i had in the decade ive had my main blog. oh and someone threatened to leak my ip address lmao. all that for what was basically the fandom equivalent of a sidequest lmao.

[n-ugg]

There was a shock that entered his body as there felt something missing had just returned. Schlatt shot up from the cold metalic surface as he gasped for air as pain racked his entire body. With the feeling of being completely drained washed over him and made his body feel heavy.

Schlatt looked around the room, being completely confused on how he has even gotten here. He looked down at he was laying on, seeing it was a metal table being hung by chains and the room surrounding him being completely made of blackstone.The last thing he remembers is a pain in his chest and the hard floor of the caravan with everyone surrounding him. Schlatt raised a hand up to where his heart is placed as he his eyes soon land on his ex vice standing by a lever, staring back with wide eyes.

Schlatt broke the silence with his hand clutching on his shirt. "What the hell happened? And where the hell am I?" He let out a rough cough. His hand let go of his shirt to rub his neck, freezing a bit after feeling the stitches around his neck.

Quackity had his hand slightly raised over the lever handle as he takes one step forward. Clearly being confused but happy about this outcome. He takes quick steps, pratically jogging closer to the table. "Oh my god it fucking worked!" He let out a small breathless laugh as he stood by the table, holding onto one of the chains that kept it suspended.

Schlatt kept his demeanor, just asking the question again. "What the hell happened and where did you fucking drag me to?" That was more of a demand than an answer.

"Oh-oh yeah, right." Quackity fixed himself to present himself a bit more professionally. "Well, you fucking died and I brought you back to life." He sounded proud of himself, having a chuckle being let out.

Schlatt paused, to try to let it settle. He shook his head, "No, no, you fucking brought me back." He let out a couple of laughs out. "You can't even do that in the first place! You're too fucking dumb for that!" Quackity's smile faltered and his grip on the chains grew tighter. "This has to be some fucking trip. Who the hell drugged me this badly or is this just apart of my eternal punishment?" He laughed at his own joke, barely believing this entire thing happening.

"No, you're back to life, you're back here in the overworld." Quackity was trying to think of a way to prove it, but it was all quite limiting. "You died in the cara-"

"I know I died and I'm happy with it." Schlatt fixed his composer and stopped his laughing. "I fucking dropped dead when I saw everyone betray me and now it's time for to pay for my stupud sins. Didn't expect it to be like this, this is a wierd fucking first ring."

Quackity was a bit confused on what Schlatt was even on about. "No, you're not in hell. You're here." A bit of a laugh managed to slip, an attempt to try to calm down. He stepped back a bit but still held onto the chains. "You're alive and I need your help."

Schlatt rolled his eyes and shifted his body to the opposite edge to lift himself up. His body felt heavy and it was hard to move but he masked it. "Yeah right, you were happy when I died and I don't care about whatever dumb shit Manberg is in."

"L'Manberg is gone, it was blown all away and I don't need that"

Schlatt turned to face Quackity and rested his arms against the table. "And then what's the point? Thats all what you wanted. Besides, I'm dead, I dont want anything to do with this bullshit." He gestured over to the room with his hand then placed it back down.

Quackity started to feel more shifted in place. "You were the one that gotten me here in the first place and I brought you back to help me to get out. You are literally the only one that is able to do that anyways."

Schlatt scoffed. "You're really gonna blame me for all of your problems?" He smiled at the end, viewing that motive holding no weight. "Besides, I'd rather stay dead, I dont want to be here." The smile slowly faded, with anger replacing his cocky behavior.

"Well, you don't have much of a choice." Quackity's smirk returned, "I already told you, I need your...influence on something."

"What influence, Quackity?" Schlatt narrowed his eyes. "You said that Manberg-L'Manberg-or whatever you want to call that shit show, was gone. I have no influence over anything, you're delusional."

"No-no I'm not, I'm not." The more times he repeats himself through breathless laughs and smiles, the more it sounds like Quackity is trying to convince himself. "I'm not delusional, you have influence with your words. Same as me Schlatt, you convinced people to stick with you. You convinced Dream into joining you!"

Schlatt slammed his hands on the metal table. "I want to be fucking dead Alex! Let me fucking be peace, rotting in the ground!"

Quackity flitched back, he fixed himself before yelling back. "And oh fucking well! I brought you back! You don't have a choice, you need to fucking help me!"

Schlatt smiled at the fact that he still has some sort of effect on him. "I can fucking kill myself! I can do it right now! And you won't be able to bring me back." Schlatt started to walk around to meet on the same side as Quackity.

"Oh yes I can and I will." Quackity's confidence grew as his eyes followed Schlatt till he was at the same side as him, just different ends of the table. "I will, Schlatt. Until you fucking help me. I won't stop if you wont."

"Oh really?"

"Yeah, really." A light grew on Quackity's hand with an axe appearing in hand. "Want to test it? I dont fucking mind killing you."

Schlatt's goat ears lowered but that didnt stop his fake confidence. "Yeah, fucki-!" He was immediately slashed at with the diamond axe.

His body grew heavier as the other swing went towards him.

____________

Another shock went through his body as Schlatt shot up from the metal table.

"I fucking told you Schlatt." He looked back to Quackity, who was still smiling and was standing by lever again. "You can kill yourself, again and again and again. I'll just bring you back, again and again and again."

Schlatt started to lightly shake, for the first time he actually felt afraid of his ex vice. He can't control this situation at all and definitely can't just try to fight his way out. "What do you even need help with?" His voice was low, can't tell if its out of embrassment, shame or just not wanting to listen.

Quackity's smile grew, satisfied that he was able to get Schlatt to listen for once. "I need you to help me with Dream."

Schlatt nodded a bit to himself before pushing himself off the table. "Yeah, I'll help ya' with Dream." He straighten himself out, with his arms behind his back. A hand rubbing his wrist thats been sewed back to his arm. "What exactly do you need from him."

[transsexualhamlet]

sherlock holmes reactions part six (aka me losing my mind over the final problem)

Hi, I am once again reminding you all that I've formed a parasocial relationship with the crackhead detective 👍 This made me overly emotional for the fact that he didnt even die

But like

hhhmmmmmmmm those were certainly an interesting 14 pages

Yeah, I already made a post about how the final problem relates to yuumori's final problem and how incredibly sexy it is but yes now I'd just like to relay to you how absolutely heart brocken i am over this lol I will eventually get to reading the post hiatus stories i just. I haven't emotionally recovered from this yet

Yelling below the cut somehow this reaction feels longer than the story itself. but it's about half cracking jokes and half sobbing so be prepared

I mean, starting off strong with "well yknow since i got married my and sherlock's Very Intimate Relations had to be modified and all but we hadnt seen each other in a while so it was kind of jarring to see him crawling in my second story bedroom window clutching Wounds and closing the shutters absolutely fucking wasted losing his mind over some dude named moriarty"

We've been over this but. Oh my god why are they gay

I just like????? Imagine how fucking bizzare that would be to just see your old homie crawl into your window bleeding on your floor and asking to exit the other way in case he's followed like "hey bro can we Talk i hope you're not busy" WHAT IS HE SUPPOSED TO DO, SAY HE IS? Imagine watson just like "no dude I'm fucking busy go get killed"

But legitimately. That's certainly something. And like, I see a lot of books starting like this lmao but. Holmes's stuff usually starts off kind of easily with watson going "yeah so lately ive been Experiencing Sherlock Holmes" and spend 20 minutes on exposition with them having a Conversation but no. mans just fucking escaped a hitman and went directly to his boyfriend's house having apparently Never Before In His Goddamn Life mentioned his actual nemesis to this guy. How the FUCK has watson never heard of him before.

And how sherlock starts talking about it isn't any less funny he's just like "UHHH SO THERE'S THIS GUY. THIS ABSOLUTE MAN. AND HES REALLY IMPRESSIVE I MEAN HES LIKE SUPER FUCKING SMART AND HES LIKE DOING CRIMES????? SO I LIKE. I NOTICED AS I DO BUT HE NOTICED THAT I NOTICED AND I MIGHT HAVE MADE A LITTLE FUCKY WUCKY DUDE CAN YOU HELP ME LIKE. FLEE THE COUNTRY" and watson's like my dear sherlock What The Fuck

Im also loving how he calls moriarty a "mathematical celebrity" awhi;grih;oaewhhta;ioh;iaewh;ii;oewh;eh;rg mans just. ok lol hes a Math Celebrity that had to quit his math teacher job because EVERYONE JUST KNEW HE WAS A CRIME LORD LIKE THEY TOOK ONE LOOK AT HIM AND WENT MANS DEFINITELY HAS BODIES IN HIS BASEMENT I DONT WANT HIM TEACHING HERE

But yeah, it was interesting to see what the big deal about og moriarty was... especially since the deal simply did not deliver. There was not really a big deal. It's like reading the first chapter of a book and immediately skipping to the climax. Everything is so hyped up and clearly having been building for years and you just get like NO CONTEXT. I swear Moriarty wasn't goddamn mentioned any time before this. He's just suddenly the big guy and watson has just never fucking heard shit about this guy.

What's so funny about this whole situation is that I just. Cannot objectively know anything about Moriarty at all because sherlock just... does not go into what this dude's alleged crimes even were, other than. The fact that he like. Does them. He's just really involved in crimes. How? Why? For how long? In what way? For what purpose? NO FUCKING CLUE HE JUST. HE JUST DOES. And there's nothing to really suggest that Moriarty was honestly a really evil guy. They're all like trust me he was just. he was just really bad but show absolutely No examples of being such. The most evil thing we saw Moriarty do personally was call sherlock stupid for letting him get into the apartment. And even then he immediately followed it up with complimenting him lol

yeah, my impression of Moriarty was like. I expected him to be worse, honestly. I expected him to be like a cartoon villain because he was kind of made out to be one and then he's just honestly a really polite and refined guy?? Mans strolls the fuck into 221B like hi shawty and it is Not like yuumori obviously man's holding a gun but like. What the fuck they are just. They have never met before but They Clearly Have and it's. its so weird

Like honestly I don't dislike og moriarty. He's really what william tried to be (and fucking failed, but beside the point) but like. Dude's so powerful and for what. He just walks into the apartment with No Pretense like why sherlock holmes is that a revolver or are you just happy to see me oh my goodness you are a dolt why would you hold the gun that way. disgusting. disgraceful. dreadful. Oh my god. I love him I'm sorry

abngnahhghifeah;iewh and Why does sherlock describe him like that hes like "MANS A REALLY REFINED LIZARD /pos" HIEHIFEHW:HGIHOEWFEEW FOR WHAT. FOR W H A T

baaaaaaaaghhhhhh but likeeeee they went STRAIGHT to "you know what I'm here for" "you know how I'm going to respond" "well then" "yeah" "mhm" "damn well it really do be like that sometimes" "ur really smart by the way" "im fucking aware let's kill each other as we both Thought in our Minds" "yes lets" AHDHDHDHDFS WTF THIS IS INSANE

But damn uh. mutual destruction my beloved this is very different from sherliam but im not. im not. opposed to it tucks hair behind ear

I just. Holy shit they really went "if you destroy me I will ensure that we both go down hand in unlovable hand" "I wouldn't mind that"

Annnnd I just noticed that the actual lines for this part kind of. that kind of happened in chapter 31 when sherlock was like i would Gladly die to take down the lord of crime and william was like. hahahah yeahNO NO NO NO

BUT SERIOUSLY THO IM LOSING MY MIND OVER HOW SHERLOCK SAYS THIS WHOLE THING TO WATSON AND HES LIKE DAMN SHAWTY HES LIKE THE REASON FOR HALF THE CRIME IN THIS CITY BUT HES SO NICE THO??? LIKE I EXPECTED HIM TO BE TOUGH AND EVERTHING NO HES JUST SOME POLITE PROPER UNDERSTANDABLE MAN WHO JUST HAPPENS TO BE VERY DIABOLICAL shawty is having a Crisis

And then watson is like wowww that was cool you wanna spend the night and sherlock is like "UNFORTUNATELY BESTIE I AM BEING FUCKING TRACKED DOWN ID LIKE YOU TO NOT DIE WITH ME"

This bit gave me a Moment Moment because oh my god. Then watson is like "no shut up i'm coming with you i don't care" and i just had to Take A Minute because THEY SWITCHED PLACES AAH SHERLOCK IS TRYING TO KEEP WATSON SAFE NOW AND WATSON IS NOW MORE RECKLESS BC OF HIM AND. AHHHH

Completely random but. How sherlock still refers to 221B as "our rooms" to watson even though watson hasn't lived their in years........ shawty i am emotional.........

SO THEY GODDAMN FLEE THE COUNTRY TOGETHER BC WATSON SAYS THEY HAVE TO STICK TOGETHER AND SHERLOCK HAS A MOMENT WHERE HE'S LIKE YEAH NEVERMIND PLEASE GO HOME WATSON AND WATSON IS JUST LIKE. NO. AND HSERLOCK IS LIKE. DAMN OK I HAVE NEVER HEARD YOU SAY THAT BEFORE

But. Ok as funny as this is. They have this fucking Conversation on the train to switzerland where sherlock is like "I have not lived in vain" and watson is like "YOURE NOT DYING" and hes like "i have not lived in vain. like i said. this will not be a bad way to die" UHHHHHH DAMN SHAWTY

hhhhhh and it just Gets. it. it. it Gets. These fuckers get to switzerland and they stay in a hotel and then leave for reichenbach but watson gets this goddamn letter telling him that hes needed at the hotel to basically save this lady's life. And he doesn't. Like. he doesn't even want to go he's like FUCK IT SHE CAN DIE IM NOT LEAVING YOU but sherlock convinces him to go fULLY KNOWING THE LETTER WAS FUCKING FAKED BY MORIARTY JUST AS A PLOY TO GET HIM ALONE

AND THEN HE JUST. WENT ANYWAY AND WATSON HAD TO WATCH HIM JUST LIKE GODDAMN WALK OFF INTO THE SUNSET LIKE "LITTLE DID I KNOW THIS WOULD BE THE LAST TIME I WOULD SEE HIM BUT IT JUST. IT HAD THAT VIBE YKNOW"

God I just. Wow sherlock really did that huh. He really went and did that. And I went over it in the post about this compared to yuumori but it just RUINED me how watson just. Never saw what happened and there's just so little information about it that all they have is these assumptions and pieces that just suggest that these guys met up, walked up to the goddamn waterfall having a nice civil conversation about how talented and smart they both were at this and how they revealed their methods to each other and complimented them because of course they did

And they just sat up there talking to each other so long and Moriarty legit waited politely or even possibly was the one that suggested he write a letter to watson in which sherlock just went "damn lol moriarty's pretty nice actually anyway uhhhh sorry watson ily ✌" and just like. left it up there in his damn cigarette box

But just like. damn the insinuation that moriarty just sat there and watched while he wrote that entire goddamn letter, sealed it up, and then got up and went alright buddy let's go but it makes no goddamn sense if they wanted to actually kill each other and assure they themselves would survive I could name like 23 different ways they could have managed it so easily and they Didn't. they were really set on mutual destruction huh. There's no way they were even trying to do anything but Die Together at that point and that's Something huh

It absolutely baffles me how they could say that these guys had plummetted like, holding each other tho. Like. ok lol but How Do You Even Know

It was certainly a ride. But the fact that Watson had to actively try to think like Sherlock to figure out what happened in the scene was just. The cherry on top. Especially after they'd consciously started to switch roles in this i just. Damn.

In conclusion uhhhhhhhh gay people real I suppose

[tfw-no-tennis]

hunty movie 1

sooo ruth and i watched the first hxh movie holla

me as soon as we’re done w/the yorknew arc: OH FUCKY ITS ANIME MOVIE TIME

i love anime movies. theyre so often Entertaining As Hell, and also Not Very Good. its a very fun intersection 

overall this movie slots pretty easily into that category. it was a good time but nothing revolutionary. which is ok! and that makes sense bc its not canon apparently 

this movie was basically the ‘killua and kurapika have Trauma(tm)’ movie lmao 

we open w/killua having a trauma dream abt illumi, rehashing the stuff we saw in the hunter exam arc....we see this a few more times in the movie, and it really drives home how killua is still rlly scared of illumi and kinda just goes into a dissociative trauma state whenever illumi is around (even fake doll illumi or dream illumi, in this movie). poor kid :( :( 

regrettably tho ruth and i agree that illumis outfit in this movie was pretty sexy 

ok that whole beginning part where kurapikas eyes get stolen happens SO fast hvbfhdjshfsk its like ok guess thats the status quo for this movie!

jesus poor kurapika. they cant catch a fuckgin break huh

also that kid was totally the kid that was alluded to by kurapika at the end of the yorknew arc...so i guess that was included in the anime as a setup for this movie? 

also apparently that stuff was based off of a short story thing the author did a while ago which is p cool

leorios terrible drawing skills is hvhbjsdfbsdfngsjkdf

also leorio is so tender w/kurapika hhhhhhh im gonna die. im gonna gay die

and gon and killua are just. tiny soulmate boyfriends ok 

ah yes i see the obligatory movie original character who befriends the protag

it kinda cracks me up how hostile killua is to retz like vhbhskhdfbaj i get that its bc of Trauma and his fear of betrayal/betraying but it also reads as killua being a Jealous Gay which is kinda hilarious 

ruth and i when hisoka shows up: [prolonged annoyed groaning and dismayed yelling]

hisoka literally just shows up to sow chaos and throw around information to stir shit up huh

of COURSE the villain is the former 4th spider thats like. easy choice lmao 

it might just be the fansubs but i feel like there were strong implications that hisoka and 4th spider guy fucked bhjdfashfdjnakn

the most unbelievable thing abt this whole thing is that hisoka didnt kill that doll guy lmao 

ohhh shit its uvo

OHHH SHIT NOBUNGA AND MACHI....its so bad but i really like the troupe members and when they show up im like !!!!!!!

machi is so cooooool

aughhhh its like....i feel bad for nobunga for having to face down uvo like this....and THEN when pakunoda shows up too :( and nobunga tells her doll ‘rest in peace now’ or something when he cuts her down....oof. but also like theyre evil murderers so im!?! conflicted?!?!

also the shadow beast guys that uvo killed showing up and then proceeding to do LITERALLY NOTHING was kinda hilarious

and damn so technically the troupe is on the same side as the main crew, what with all of them wanting to wreck omokages shit

also omokage looks like sephiroth lmaoooo 

ill be honest i barely know what sephiroth looks like but ruth said this and i felt in my bones that its true 

ok i gotta talk abt the kurapika backstory stuff bc OUUGHGHGHGHGH my fucking UWUS BITCH!!!!

seeing a bunch of kurta was sad....and seeing baby-er kurapika OUGH and also pairo is sooo cute and him and kurapikas friendship is so pure 

kurapika is so different :( theyre like, so much more innocent and excitable....thats so damn sad bro wtf 

pairo pulling some slick moves swapping that little potion thing - all while using his blindness as a cover - was so good...no wonder he and kurapika get along so well 

also gotta say its even more brutal that one of the main reasons kurapika didnt get Big Murdered w/the rest of the kurta is bc pairo pulled this stunt - if he hadnt, kurapika wouldve failed the test and never would have left 

also kurapika saying theyre gonna find someone who can help w/pairos eyes ;_; the similarities w/leorios backstory/motivation makes me die 

and seriously im still caught up at how innocent and pure kp is oooof ough 

tho still defs the kurapika we know....theyve seemingly always had a temper, what with the reaction to the dudes in the market 

like, kurapika did NOT hold back...even after finding out that they were just part of the test! tho i do get it bc they insulted pairo...kurapika’s love for their friends/stalwart need to defend their friends is clearly a big thing 

also the market people’s reaction to seeing kp’s red eyes is rlly interesting to me...are the kurta like, known to anybody? or are they more of a vaguely talked-about group that like, ‘probably exists’? or is it that people know abt them but not the red eyes thing? it seems like these people, if any, would know, bc this market is seemingly a day’s travel from where the kurta live....i want more kurta lore bro!!

i big love pairo helping kurapika cheat like that....such an interesting twist, and makes it obvious that theirs is a friendship of equals 

anyways i loved that flashback stuff and it just drives home how absolutely fucked up and horribly sad kurapikas whole existence is, especially in this movie w/pairo’s doll being used against them

n e ways back to the non flashback stuff

i love that gon’s super nose returned for this movie omg 

im just auhghghghgh gon and killua know each other so well uwu....

aaaand illumi (well, doll illumi) is back to fuck shit up for poor killua

ugh it still gets me how clearly terrified of illumi killua is...we dont really see him act like this any other time :( and the fact that doll-illumi was able to scare killua enough to get him to run away and leave gon behind (albeit briefly) was oof 

gon jumping in front of killua and getting his eyes stolen instead....baby boyyyy oughhh

also can i just say thank fuck they didnt replace illumis eyes w/gons bc THAT wouldve been some serious nightmare fuel lmao 

cant believe killua then ran away again and walked emo-ly on the train tracks 

and THEN he saw a train coming and was like oh well :( guess ill die :/ JESUS KID 

but gon w/his Big Sniff Powers comes to the rescue!!

it was so cute how gon told killua that killua didnt run and abandon him - they were working together to fight :’) gon understands killua so well 

i love how the squad then squads up to fight omokage...with half of them being blind lmao 

and in the half that isnt blind is leorio, who STILL doesnt know nen, and literally brings a knife to a nen fight 

i totally saw the whole ‘retz is a doll and her older brother is omokage, and retz actually died a while ago’ thing coming lol but still, not bad

all omokage does is talk abt the beauty of his dolls or w/e like ENOUGH bro 

kurapika fighting pairo and killua fighting illumi (AGAIN) was all so fucked up they shouldve switched opponents for less trauma oof 

and poor leorio is literally no help vhhvdijfhjbashkj he just gets throw around this whole time

kurapikas fight against pairo was sad bc it was such a fucked up situation...kp did gr8 tho, i liked them saying that this isnt the real pairo, cause pairo would never say/do these things. still and extremely sucky situation to be in! 

meanwhile its the gon and killua vs doll-illumi rematch...and this illumi is like, a version of illumi drawn from killuas mind/heart (or something idk, it was kinda glossed over which i understand), which means that hes extra scary and focused on telling killua how much hes just a mindless killing machine who cant have friends 

but luckily we have gon here to help snap killua out of his trauma haze, which certaintly wasnt the case at the hunter exam - so it was kinda nice to see how things went w/gon around :’) they work so well together oughhhhh....and they love each other so much broo gay preteen love real 

hisoka just fuckgin materializing in the house place to help sow more chaos....unbelievable 

me: i bet hisoka wont want to fight doll chrollo bc its not The Same as real chrollo 

ruth: no i think he will bc hes a whore 

hisoka: [fights doll chrollo] 

me: oh shit u right 

kurapika: ok omogake its time for you to FUCKING DIE- 

and then killua stops them and says that he’ll do it, be he doesnt want kurapika to kill anymore :( :( :( bro im sooo fucking sad. killua rlly b out here thinking that hes already too far gone to matter when it comes to murder, but he doesnt want his friends to end up like that, so he might as well take on that burden, because whats one more person’s death on his hands? (EVEN THO HE SAID HE DIDNT WANT TO KILL ANY MORE...but theres exceptions when it comes to saving your friend’s souls and whatnot) :( :( AUGHHH

but luckily retz comes THRU with some good ole fratricide

killua: [takes notes]

the fact that the phantom troupe just fuckgin shows up and is like oh hey its you guys. this casual enemy stuff kills me lmao i love it 

then they just fuckgin LEAVE and theyre like welllll we cant rlly fight u bc of chrollo’s state so by i guess. its NOT On Sight but someday it will be! YOU TOO HISOKA DONT THINK WE FUCKIGN FORGOT ABOUT YOU. 

dramatic house burning! and rip retz, saw that one comin tho 

when they all went thru and said their life goals and then killua was like shit i dont have a cool definitive anime goal LMAOOOO

but THEN gon said his goals should be to stay by gon’s side UHMMM???? baby gays AUGHHHHH and killua is just like lovestruck AUGHHHH 

Gays Win 

then they all peace out to resume the next arc lmaoooo

and then we see flashes of other characters, like the blonde girl (who ruth and i totally thought retz was, seeing thumbnails from this movie....we were like w8 hasnt that girl not been introduced yet??? lmao)

we also see some dude w/long hair and a hat who ive never seen before but ruth went OHHH ITS SCYTHE GUY!!! so i guess hes gonna b important?? lol 

and then we saw chrollo....still in the same place the squad left him vbhajfdjkahsbfkdjabhsukfdj CAN HE NOT GET DOWN FROM THERE W/OUT NEN OR AN AIRSHIP??? THATS SO FUCKING FUNNYYYYYY ARE YOU KIDDING ME 

general thots:

so this was very much an Anime Movie, in that they cant like, advance to plot or develop the characters much, bc its a movie. and this one is non canon

it was enjoyable but i do feel like it was much more typical shounen then hxh usually is...like, i feel like this was made by the same people who make like, the naruto movies or w/e, and w/the same sort of approach/attitude 

this isnt necessarily bad - i LIKE shounen for a reason - but it was a bit noticeable bc it wasnt quite as smart as hxh is usually, and it rehashed a lot of stuff weve already seen in this show itself 

but still i think it did a good job w/what it had, and it had some good angst, and everyone was very gay which is good

the art style was SLIGHTLY wack but it wasnt as bad as i thought itd be 

overall a fun time like most anime movies. didnt reinvent the wheel but i had a good time. im excited for the greed island arc, and im also disproportionately excited to watch the hxh musical bc that is a thing that exists and i MUST see it asap bc that sounds like the kind of hilarious wackiness that appeals to me specifically

so thats it...later! 

[floaty-pickle]

ok so i’ll preface this by asking you to please not reblog this post. you can like or reply if you want to, but please dont spread it around. i will also use slashes or asterisks to make sure none of this shows up in any tag.

ooook, i wanted to make my position on some things clear. some of you have probably noticed that i have been very vague about how i stand on some... themes... in this fandom and that i only speak up when something enormously fucky is going down. that was on purpose, but im gonna stop doing that now.

when i joined tumblr eons ago i used to be (past tense) pretty indifferent to and kind of ok with r//pf content. it happens to actors, creators, etc in a lot of fandoms and it never outright bothered me. i never specifically sought out or even wrote r//pf content, but i knew a few bloggers who did and sometimes i saw some edits or a short fic and i was like “aww thats cute” and went on. in my mind “speculating about whether or not two celebrities are a couple/saying two people would be a cute couple” wasnt that far away from “creating stories where those two are together”. i also fully bought into the ‘the people in the stories are fictionalised versions of the real people’ thing.

over time i finally acknowledged that being shipped with a colleague or a friend would be uncomfortable for most people, so that would apply to celebrities, too. i still wasnt exactly anti r//pf, but my main concern was that the subjects of the r//pf should never, never be confronted with the fic or the other romantic content created about them. i was already convinced that dark and twisted shit like r*pefic or heavily kinky stuff was unacceptable for r//pf. i went by these rules for the longest time: if r//pf content isnt fucked up and if its guaranteed that the people its about will not see it, its ok. you cant be uncomfortable with something you dont know anything about. i still held onto this for some time after getting into b//fu.

then some severely sinister shit happened, which im sure most of you remember. i saw the lengths some people would go to defend writing fucked up r//pf or r//pf in general. i had gotten to know (although know is a strong word as im not really ~in~ the b//fu fandom and im notoriously bad at making friends on here or just responding in general haha) a few bloggers, some of them shippers. this happened after i made a few angry posts about the fucked up shit, so i knew the few shippers i met werent those kinds of monsters. i know they arent bad people and i know they wanted the boys or their friends/partners to never find any of it. 

but in the meantime (like, a few months ago?) weve learned that the boys DO know about the r//pf (as does s*ra apparently) and theyre uncomfortable with it. r*an even made some not so subtle comments about it. if you remember, one of my main rules was that for r//pf to be ok, they cant ever find out about it. and suddenly i noticed the big flaw in my logic. deep down i always knew that r//pf in general wasnt ok and i was just kidding myself with the “if they never find out about it” bit. if something is only ok when it happens behind someones back and is suddenly not ok anymore when the person knows about it, it hasnt been ok from the start. what you dont know wont hurt you is bullshit.

the reason why i didnt say anything for the longest time is because i thought “ive been ok with and condoned this for so long and have even played with the thought a few times myself, so i would be a real hypocrite if i started posting like ive always been against it”. but now i AM saying it. so if there are any shippers left following me even after i got put on a blocklist (and ive earned my place on that one): i know not all of you are irredeemable monsters and i know i cant convince you to stop. i know i wont be able to do that, but please think about some of the things ive written and ask yourself if youre only ok with projecting romantic or erotic stories onto real people because “they wont ever find out”. if you are, then please remember, that they already HAVE found out and are uncomfortable with it. if youre now feeling guilty thats the sign for you to stop. it took me some time to figure this out, too.

[clowngremlin]

it’s only 8:20, but im in a positive mood so its time for my good things list!!!! i will be combining saturday, sunday and today’s because i havent written one since friday!! under the cut because its very long!!!

saturday:

-a very obvious good thing is my top surgery assessment!! i have already made a post about it but it went very well and i am excited for the future!!! it was also nice to see my gender therapist!!! he’s a really nice and cool dude!!!

-going to the mall after gender therapy!!! i went to a mall i dont normally go to because its in a different city than the big city and the city i live in, it’s in more of a city/suburb sort of thing, but it’s a nice mall!!! they have a great food court with a sick arcade but i didnt go to the arcade, i just walked around the mall!!

-i got some really fun keychains for my backpack and phone!! i got a waluigi one for my phone, a jack-o-lantern one for my phone, a popplio one for my back pack as well as a gengar in a pumpkin for my backpack!!! they were all really reasonably priced, because im pretty sure they’re imported from japan!!! i also wanted to buy some love live merch for hope and i, but they didnt have any of hope’d favorite girl, and the love live stuff as a bit expensive and i really wanted the other ones more but its good to know they have them there!!!

-got some delightful bootleg garfs at the mall too!! and for only $2!!!! it was so excellent!!! they also had a big garf car sticker, but i didnt have enough to buy it because i wanted to save some money for going into the city to go to my favorite vintage stores and the flea market!! also i dont have a car, but i thought it might be a fun sticker for my skateboard or sketchbook!!!

-went to my favorite vintage stores and got some nice things!! i got a cowboy shirt, and a cool cardigan that matches one of my new shirts i got for my birthday!!

-the girl working at my favorite vintage store complimented my outfit again and we had a lovely conversation!! we also talked to this dude who was buying a really cool shirt that i wish i could have bought, but im glad he got it because i have too many shirts anyways and also he was wearing a shirt i had tried on a few weeks ago, but didnt buy because i wasnt super into it so im glad it got a nice home and his outfit was so good!!! it made me feel better about being a masc presenting person who wears funky clothing!!!

-talked to one of my best pals on video chat because i was having a panic attack about work and it helped me calm down and it was so nice to talk to him :>

-in the morning before gender therapy, i got some quality puppy time and eli was very good and did excellent on his walk and made many new friends and was very snuggly!!!

-i wore an excellent outfit that consisted of a rainbow checkered button down @delusionaljellyfish gave me for my birthday, my favorite jeans, a pair of cool dinosaur socks that went really well with the button down, my favorite jacket and my favorite vans!!

-it was nice and sunny and warm!!!

sunday:

sunday was a bad all for the most part and i cried at work like twice and once on the bus going to my friends house from work but there were some positives so we will focus on that!!!

-worked with one of my friends at work!! i actually worked with many friends, but this friend is like an actual friend outside of work too so it was nice to work with her 

-did a good job sampling at work even though i wanted to not be at work and felt upset the whole time, i tried to not let it show and did my best and people really liked the samples

-heard a weird cover of the jeepers creepers song at work

-after i got off work which was early because of shift was cut which isnt good and i got upset and got in trouble for being upset about it, i went to one of my best friend’s house and we watched the umbrella academy and had some tasty drinks!! we also snuggled with her cat and she listened to be vent about work

-this gets its own point, my best friend bought me a creme egg mcflurry!!!! this is a double whammy, because it one, means its creme egg mcflurry season again and that’s one of my favorite treats, and two, my best friend bought me ice cream, which is always nice!!!

-the umbrella academy gets another mention because its so fun and i love it

-had a discord call with @delusionaljellyfish !!! i always love talking to amanda and she was working on a really cool drawing while we were talking and i love seeing her art, she’s so talented and im not saying that because i’ve tagged her in the post, im saying that because i genuinely feel it and its the truth and she deserves recognition for all the hard work she puts into her art and she is one of the most talented people i know!!!!!!!!!!

-also had a video call with one of my other really good friends!!!! we talked until like 1:00 am and he listened to me vent about work as well and we also talked about other really interesting topics!!

-got gendered correctly at work and had multiple people call me sir, and one guy called me buddy in that way that older men call young men buddy, which was nice and gender affirming

monday (today):

-got to sleep in!!

-got to spend lots of quality time with baby boy eli!!!! and i got payed to do so!!!!! i would have done it for free, because i had nothing better to do today anyways, but extra money is always a bonus

-it was nice out when i took eli for his walks, and he made new friends as well!! he makes new friends where he goes and everyone is so delighted to see him!!

-got gendered correctly by the people in my building for once because i dont think my dad has told them im a guy, and often misgenders me to our neighbors, but i think these people are new and so they dont know im trans!

-worked on my comic for a bit and listened to some reel big fish and had such a nostalgic throwback to being in elementary school because i used to listen to a lot of ska dfghjhgjdfgj

-had a phone interview that im hoping went well!!

-realized that i need to stop stressing out about work and all this shit that in the grand scheme of things, isnt a big deal!!! i have been through worse things, and those things were only temporary, much like how these things are only temporary!! things will get better and be ok!!!

-talked to many friends today!!! im in a fun discord sever with some new pals and i talked to some of them about being transmasc, i also talked to one of my friends from work after she tagged me in a post about not stressing about things which was actually really solid advice and i needed to hear it, and she said some really nice things to me!!!! it made me feel really nice on the inside!!! someone im online friends with also sent me a really funny mgs video on discord!!! i also talked to @bruisedratboy today and i always love talking to josh, he’s one of my really close friends and he’s great!!! and im also not just saying that because i tagged him in this, i genuinely love josh and think he’s a great dude!!!

-had a nice conversation with my dad when he got home from work and we hung out with eli and ate dinner!! he also made bacon sandwiches is which si tasty.....

-my dad bought me my favorite pop, which is the blue mountain dew!!!

-my brother and i had a nice conversation before he left the house in the early afternoon, and i helped him pick out a jacket to go with his extremely good outfit!! he also made me coffee which was really nice of him!!

-i got that extremely wonderful anonymous ask today!!! anon, if ur reading this, i just want u to know how much that ask meant to me, like i genuinely mean that. it made me so happy, especially since i’ve had some really fucky days lately and have been feeling really upset and not very positive, but im trying and so im glad my positivity is being appreciated and that u like my posts!!! i hope ur having a good day, and u continue to have good times and such things because u must be a wonderful and kind individual to send someone such a delightful thing and u deserve good things and i appreciate u so much, whoever u are!!!! this is what the anon feature is for, babey!!! sending people delightful messages and leaving good feelings!!!!

-i got followed by someone on instagram who makes really cool pins and if i can save some extra money, i will see if i can buy one some day!!

-eli was extremely cute today!!!

[spade-club]

Okay. Feeling really fucky over this. Hoping someone has insight for me.

My best friend is, yk, like me. Very inconsistent on how they feel about a lot of things to a strange degree. Has a lot of conflicting ideas and opinions. Anyway so as it turns out they ultimately dont see what we are to eachother the same way I do. I feel a bit... used? And lead on by the idea that after all we have been through and all we have been for eachother that we are just friends and theres nothing else we could call it.

Going into this I had known they didnt need to be in a relationship right now, I was aware of that. I just figured after 2 months of us continuing to get closer and become what is in many ways partners that maybe it had changed. Its not like we talked about it before really, so I felt safe assuming things may have changed. I still consider them ultimately to be my friend but there are many parts of them I see differently and I feel kinda pushed back and restricted by the idea that what I have with those personalities couldnt be considered anything serious despite it very much so being something, and that something being very significant to me.

I'm struggling to find a way to encourage them to allow some of their personalities to express themselves and feel how they want towards me individually and also understanding that if I were to be officially dating those personalities that things would still be complicated for them as a whole. We both are also very avoidant when talking of our disordered behavior which makes it... a lot harder to convey what I mean. I'm hardly sure a word of this makes sense right now to you guys.

I'm just nervous because after them telling me that ALL of this is just a friendship to them, I'm supposed to act like thats all fine and continue on like nothing's different. They'll probably decide to come over again tomorrow, and I wont want to make anything awkward by trying to say anything so I'll keep it all in and ugh. I just wish that conversation had any closure but I'm too fucked up by circumstance and everything else going on around me and now I'm just stuck in the middle of this. Not knowing where its going to end. I figured this would be an easy conversation because I thought they would think like... "yeah its cool to call this a relationship if thats what it is half the time even if the other half we are friends. I am okay with it being both things and thats what it is so might as well call it that" but thats just really not at all how it went. Now I'm just kinda lost here and I dont want to say anything that'll ruin anything. But I also feel very discontent at where things have left off.

[ghoulstars]

i Sure Would Like to not have to be literally relieved/excited when my mom goes to bed every single night because otherwise i feel constantly tense and at risk of something happening to make my living situation unsafe, again, even if we’ve had a good/normal day

shes back on her fucking bullshit today and she usually confronts me on things that have made her Mad(tm) that ive “done” but today she hasnt said jack shit to me. all i can figure is: shes upset that i didnt get up and help her stain the wood for the porch we’re building where our old shitty side deck was shes upset bc i didnt wash all the dishes ?????????? who fucking knows

heres the kicker though folks: i didnt wash all the dishes because for some reason, since replacing our water heater, when the water from the sink starts getting cold it doesnt gradually get cold, it literally goes from like scalding hot (even thru gloves) to hardly lukewarm and i was only washing dishes for about 20? 30? minutes last night before the water temp fucking plummeted so i couldnt finish. bonus is that there were literally only like 5-7 things left to wash and it was literally just 3 styrofoam cups, one pot and like...2 or 3 forks/spoons. absolutely incredible and worth spitefully giving your daughter the cold shoulder over, am i right folks

and me helping stain was only even a fucking a possibility because she gave me an open ended offer to help her last night and i gave an open ended response. she asked me if i wanted to try to go to bed early enough and she would call me in the morning and just see if i wanted/felt up to come out and help, and i said i would be willing to try and id do my best. so when my manic ass had a manic moment and i slept for 3 hrs from 6 am to 8 and was dying and couldnt pass back out for any reason of course i texted her and told her i couldnt fucking help lmao. my fucked sleep schedule is a result of my Crazy Quirky Wacky Bipolar 2 anyway and like she refuses to help me or sympathize with me abt my mental health so ??? guess ill die?????

i didnt get back to sleep around fucking like 12/1 pm and i noticed that she stopped fucking replying to my texts literally right after i said i couldnt help and then every time she walked past my room, where i was Clearly Awake And On My Phone With My Door Open, she flat out ignored me. wouldnt even spare me a side glance.

and when i woke up at 5 pm today, no matter how late i wake up my mom always comes and wakes me up no matter what, today she walked by my room twice EVEN WHEN IT WAS THAT LATE AND I WAS STILL IN BED without saying jack fucking shit to me, and only came in on her third time walking back by to her sitting room and just blankly went ‘youre not laying here in the dark’, turned on my light, then swiftly left

then before that she’d texted me, after telling me for weeks to just use our limited data even if it runs over bc our wifi cant handle my phone being connected along with all our other devices anymore, that im going to have to use my laptop now bc she isnt paying another 200$ phone bill this month. here’s kicker number 2: after literally outright giving me her food plans for tonight and tomorrow yesterday she also texts me that she didnt cook. just a flat “I didn’t cook”. im so fucking depressed all the time that i physically and mentally cannot handle getting up to find and cook myself my own like ACTUAL MEALS and making food that requires actual cooking is often times out of the fucking question, and shes been not cooking for SEVERAL nights here recently, sometimes days in a row, and with my depression being wholly unacknowledged by her, once again, guess ill fucking perish??? unless i can miraculously find the energy to make chicken fingers or ramen noodles im going to be doing what ive fucking done almost every goddamn night this past month she hasnt cooked which is live off of snack foods and ensure lmao. KICKER NUMBER 3: she promised me that either tonight or tomorrow, bc she has a Big Foobaw Game, she wouldnt cook and would instead get me my alltime favorite chinese food from my alltime favorite chinese restaurant that she knows i love a lot, and regardless of what night her game was, she didnt cook tonight and i LITERALLY heard her say less than an hr ago that she’d be cooking tacos (which she intended to originally cook tonight) tomorrow. that being said, her specifically saying she ‘didnt cook’ today when she promised to get takeout in general at some point this week makes me think tonight was just supposed to be tacos (esp if what i think i can remember serves). and now she hasnt cooked anything at all! and tomorrow its gonna be tacos! :) fucking knowing how she is and how she works and functions with her abusive behavior towards me i would not be surprised and am also partially convinced that for whatever reason she’s all DooDoo Angery at me that shes doing this on fucking purpose to deprive me of the treat she promised out of spite/as some kind of passive aggressive ‘punishment’ HAHAHAHA ECKS DEE SO FUNNY XDDD

the only other time shes acknowledged my fucking worthless existence(tm) today was to pull one of her Iconic “im only saying this really ridiculous shit that ive never said before and we’ve never talked about before, ever, just to take digs at my daughter bc she Displeased Me” moments, where she walked by, almost totally ignored me again but stopped like. like she was gonna just keep walking but caught herself and she ended up like...halfway obscured by my doorway anyway and quickly said to me “i need you to sweep.” and then she went to the bathroom and i hear “and take your (cat) poop out too. litterboxes get done every night.”

we have two litterboxes. never in the history of ever has she said anything to me about they get done Every Night >:( and that has never been an established rule, nor have we ever even spoken about me doing that. i do them every few nights, usually on different days, bc there’s Two Litterboxes. and surprise surprise my depression impedes my ability to keep up with them without her having to tell me to clean them most of the time which pisses her off, except i literally did them 1-3 nights ago and theres no way that they both need cleaning again already and now shes suddenly on her shit like. they get done. every night. in that fucking vaguely militant voice she gets when she’s mad like that and is fucking with me on purpose

but fucking like even regardless of all this other shit, point blank, she is the one who has not expressed any of her annoyances with me today to make her act like this. how can i fucking communicate about the issue when she doesnt TELL ME WHAT HER ISSUE IS and instead opts to mentally and emotionally screw with me for her own satisfaction--and even then!!! she has no right to be this mad with me over not helping with the porch bc SHE left it OPEN ENDED and NONCOMMITTAL, SHE could have easily asked me why there were dishes left (though bc i have to do them so late at night/early in the morning bc im fucking depressed shed prolly just blame me FOR doing them at that time bc if i do them TOO LATE at night then the WATER TEMPERATURE GOES DOWN because its COLD AT NIGHT or something like that) but she didnt and now like everything else, fresh off my period, still manic, always rapid cycling, just got off the manic depression train slightly after being on it for two days and then before that it was Severely Uncomfortable Euphoria, feeling just so fucking wrong in my own skin and feeling too many emotions that are too strong that i dont want, so on and so forth, im the one whos suffering because of her unresolved neuroses and narcissism

and like....to be honest, real shit? with how fucking unpredictable and fucky she’s become since our Big Fight i also would not be surprised and sort of have half a mind to think she’s just mad for literally no reason (related to me or otherwise) and is doing this just because lol

[thoustve]

gonna ramble below the cut bc im tired and frustrated jksdjkfd. hopefully it cuts properly on mobile so yall can just scroll past if you dont want to hear me ramble/be whiny for just a minute

so. wauuguhg. i know it was necessary but i hate that this cough is costing me money and STILL hasnt gone away.

so ive had a cough (which is pretty much chronic at this point ive had it somewhere around 8-10+ weeks now i think? idk, ive lost track of time at this point, its been that long with it and i've still got it, though some days are better, some days are worse lol), and it had been like 3 weeks or so with the cough at the time, had called the doc to make a doc appt. but in order to make the doc appt, i needed to get a covid test - not an at home test, but a pcr/lab test (which is fine, gotta be safe/sure before seeing doc abt it so im not spreading it, i get it yknow?) but anyway, that test came back negative as i suspected it would bc i had just been sick with it in january and even though you can get reinfected in that time, i hadn't been around anyone with it or gone out in that time, so it seemed unlikely.

so went to the doc abt it couple of weeks ago, got blood drawn and seen by doc, got prescribed medicine, the general shebang - meds helped a little for like a moment - it never really… fully got rid of the cough, but it helped me have better days with it. for a moment. but it didnt get rid of it and still hasnt gone away! but anyway. yknow, paid for that appt, paid for the meds. a week or two passes and the blood results come back and cholesterols fucky, fine, whatever, im working on trying to manage what i eat because of that, but i gotta go back 2nd week in june to get my blood drawn again for it, so thats like, more money for another doc appt/at least blood lab test to check that out again (and i may just make it a full appt again if i can afford to because this cough is still stickin around)

but not only that, apparently when i got tested for covid was after the hrsa fund had run up, and im uninsured. so not only was that covid test not free/did i get sent a bill for it (which i guess the good thing is i can pay it in parts/it doesnt have to be done all at once...), but it's going to cost me only just a bit under what the doc appt was/roughly around the same ballpark. so two doc appts + a covid test to pay for and i still feel like shit ksdfjk. and chances are if i go to the doc abt it, either he's going to brush it off and i'll continue to have a cough and feel like shit, or i'll have to go to a specialist and spend more money so there's like. no winning, i guess. to top it off im sore as fuck from having to start work at walmart again because i needed to make money again and hadn't heard from other places in a while/never really was getting anywhere further than interviews with places. i guess the good thing is im making $14/hr and since i wanted to go part time this time, i'm making roughly the same amount of money working $14/hr for 4 days that i was when i worked $11 for 5 days like 2 years ago.

but it sucks because im sore from starting work there again (and i think i'll continue to be because i've been in a lot more just.... general pain these days), ive still got a cough i've had for weeks upon weeks, while the fatigue isnt as bad as it was 6 months ago i AM still having to fight fatigue really hard when at work just to make it through the day..... and man im just exhausted

[dbssh]

HOGBLOGGING UNDER THE CUT

mako rutledge was, before the Robot Wars, just some dude living out in tbe middle of nowhere, australia. after the Robot Wars, the government went to the robots and said look, fellas, you gotta live somewhere so how about you just take the outback. the factory where you were born is there anyways. just kick anyone who already lives there out, its fine. the people who lived there didnt like that very much, and a bunch of em, including our buddy mako, decided to start a newer, smaller robot war so they can get their houses back. (by my best estimate hed be like, maybe early 20s? the timeline is nonsense so it doesnt really work either way).

anyways, robot wars australia (the smaller one) is going great, and we're gonna blow up the robot factory so no more new robots can be born. cool. except that blowing that up was a bad idea, because it exploded big time and now half of australia is a radioactive wasteland and theres metal and garbage everywhere. so yknow, kind of a fuck up. (everyone has different opinions on how much hog himself was involved in all that, its not super clear.)

so now everythings fucked, and mako was never really that nice a guy in the first place. so he gets a cool apocalypse makeover, takes his motorbike, and goes back to his old farm. lives as a scrapper, bounty hunter, anything he has to do. theres lots of murder and he gets pretty good at it.

theres a gap here, and ive got some theories about what he mightve been doing. but the wasteland adapts, and a big group of scrappers form Junkertown, not too far from roadhogs place. he doesnt like it there much, and hes been kicked out a few times, but its kind of implied he used to work for the queen? again, a gap in the timeline.

but the next major thing that happens is he meets junkrat my friend junkrat, a horribly annoying junker who cant stop bragging about a secret treasure he found out in the shell of the exploded robot factory. naturally, everyone wants to kill him and steal the treasure, so he (kind of) hires roadhog as a bodyguard and promises a 50/50 split of all treasure acquired over their partnership. at some point, they get kicked out of junkertown and ditch australia entirely, going on a world tour of heists, explosions, and general mayhem. again, the timeline on that is kind of unclear. its also kind of unclear whether they are currently, in the game, understood as working for overwatch. they were kind of presented as independent parties in ovw1 but in 2 they got makeovers that kind of imply legit jobs? new tech, clean + professional looking gear instead of scrap, some things that imply consistent medical care, theyve showered. but it doesnt super matter?

ANYWAYS. over the course of the apocalypse roadhogs Thing is that he lets go of his old identity and his Humanity TM and just becomes a mean murderous recluse and he likes it that way. hes big and scary and quiet, doesnt talk a lot to people and tends to keep to himself. and obviously hes a little fucky wucky in the head and Loves To Kill but, despite all that, hes generally a pretty normal dude. he likes small, cute things and enjoys his peace and quiet, and hes pretty decent to people if theyve got his respect.

he generally seems pretty annoyed by junkrats antics, but other times he'll play along and they seem to genuinely really care about each other, like, they earnestly are just best friends who annoy the shit out of each other. theyve kinda got a weird gay thing going on in that way that Pairs Do Not Seperate guys always seem to, just trust me.

theyve also got a lot of matching cosmetics and voicelines ^^ favourite detail is one of junkrats skins used to have a bracelet that said "if lost return to roadhog" on it. also the junkenstein skins because like well its me. i have to.

ultimatley roadhog is just kind of a silly guy. i like playing him in the game and i like his rude goofy swag. also hes like implied to be asthmatic and like 50 so all his idle noises are like horrible gross breathing and grunting and shit its incredible. his voice acting is incredibly. well its something. look it up if you feel like. hes got some good ass voicelines.

mutuals who vote hog despite not knowing him. youre very brave thank you for yojr service. also. would you LIKE to know about him.