#and like this apt i have now i do really like but i did have to choose it bc i didnt really have any other options | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

hausofwoo · 2 months

Text

handy | choi san

pairing: choi san x afab reader

word count: 5K

summary: you move into a shitty apartment with a long list of maintenance issues. your landlord puts off sending someone to fix them, only making your frustrations grow. that is, until the maintenance man finally arrives and you discover that he's hot... and you find yourself making excuses for him to keep coming back.

warnings: 18+, minors do not interact, maintenance man!san, tenant!reader, reader is kind of a perv lol, unprotected piv (wrap it up!), oral (f receiving), san is a tease, fingering, hair pulling (m receiving), cumplay, kitchen counter sex!!!, he kinda throws u around hehehe, choking, dacryphilia, use of a petname (baby), lmk if i forgot anything!

author's note: umm.... hahaha um...... so this is lowkey based on a recent experience i had of my maintenance man coming to fix some shit in my apt and he strangely had SO much rizz and i was like wait a minute.... this could be a great fic idea LMAO thank u to @hausofmingi for being my beta-reader ily always ♡

when you signed your lease at your new apartment, you didn’t expect to sign up for a list of problems.

you desperately needed a new place to live, and with the measly budget you had for rent, all that was left available were slim pickings. so when you finally found a small 1 bedroom apartment that wasn’t double your desired price, you jumped at the opportunity. you applied for the place on the spot and were approved the same day. you didn’t really think anything of it, but when you finally got settled in and actually gave a good look at your newfound home… you were in for a fucking nightmare.

for starters, the window unit in the bedroom wouldn’t blow cool air. it’s right in the heat of the summer, so coming home after a long day only to sweat all night long was not cutting it for you. you put in a maintenance request through your tenant portal app the first day when you realized this.

another annoyance was the dishwasher. one of your biggest must-haves was to have an actual working one. maybe you were asking a bit much with your budget, but with the amount that you work, it was imperative. you were thrilled to see the dishwasher during the viewing, only to find a few days worth of dirty dishes later, that said dishwasher was rusty and moldy. literally unusable. so you put in another maintenance request.

last one, and maybe now you’re just getting picky because you’re pissed, but your shower water pressure sucked, and by the time you would finish a shower, the water would take forever to drain. another request sent.

all these maintenance requests and not a single one fixed. you started to wonder if the tenant portal app even worked, so you called your landlord, only to grapple with them on finding a time for them to fix it while you’re still home. you might want these things fixed asap, but you’re not willing to let a stranger in your space when you’re not there.

you started to fucking lose it. a few weeks with no cold air, shitty water pressure, and dishes piling up your sink, and not one thing being done about it. you call your landlord one more time, urging them to finally fix these issues, arguing that they should’ve been fixed before you even moved in. and with that last push, they finally caved and did their fucking job. they said they’re sending someone there first thing tomorrow.

so when you finally wake up and go about your day-off routine, you’re constantly watching the clock. when they said “first thing tomorrow,” did they mean “first thing tomorrow once the maintenance man feels like it”? because it’s already pushing noon and you’re getting impatient. it’s obnoxious; you’re not able to run any errands (let alone actually go out and enjoy your day off) and you’re just waiting around for some dude to actually do the job you’ve been asking for for weeks.

just as you find yourself dialing the landlord’s number, you hear a knock at your door. fucking FINALLY. you jump off your couch, mind spewing profanities out of frustration. you walk towards the door, ready to give this stupid maintenance man a piece of your mind. you swing open the door, and your heart drops.

the maintenance man stands before you, with a tight black tank that hugged his muscular build and dirty worn jeans. he has a tool belt strapped to his (surprisingly small?) waist and a heavy tool box gripped in his hand. he’s a little dirty, and his chest is shiny with sweat due to the humid outside air. his rugged exterior is a huge juxtaposition to his face, however, with sharp yet kind eyes and a sweet smile.

“you need some maintenance done?” he asks.

“oh, uh, yes,” you stumble, suddenly at a loss for words. “come on in.” you hold the door open, allowing him to walk through to your living room.

“so you’re having issues with your water pressure?” he says, looking around the apartment.

“yeah, that and a few other things,” you reply. “but the biggest thing is the window unit in my room. it doesn’t blow any cold air.”

“i can fix that,” he looks at you with a grin. “which one’s the bedroom?”

you walk him to your room, thanking god he can’t see the blush forming on your face. he walks in and places his tool box down, promptly inspecting the window unit.

“i’ll just let you do your thing,” you say, twiddling your thumbs. “i’ll be in the living room if you need me.”

he nods, and you go back to sit on your couch. you mindlessly scroll through your phone, all while spiraling in your head. did your landlord hire this guy from a fucking modeling agency? he has the build for handyman work, that is certain. however, his face is what’s really getting to you. he could be on the cover of vogue and you wouldn’t bat an eye. but there he is, working on a shitty a/c window unit in your room.

you suddenly become hyper aware of the appearance of your bedroom. what does he think about your decor? is he cringing at the plushies sat on your bed? what if you left a pair of underwear out? oh my god, did you leave your nightstand drawer open, with your vibrator out for the whole world to see?

“it looks like you’ll need a whole new window unit,” he says from your room, interrupting your swarming thoughts. “this one doesn’t even have heat, and you’ll need that for winter.”

“oh, yeah,” you say, getting up and standing in your bedroom doorway. “how long will it take to get a new one? this heat has been brutal.”

“i should be able to bring one tomorrow, if you’re available,” he says, turning back to look at you as he closes up the tool box.

“i’m available,” you say all too quick. dude. be cool. “i mean, yeah, i can try to get off work a little earlier, maybe at like 3?”

“works for me,” he smiles, standing up. “can i get your number?”

you can’t hide your blush this time, nodding at the insinuation, but knowing it was just to iron out arrangements. “here,” you say, opening your phone messages so he can send himself a text.

he types away and hands your phone back. “you need a new dishwasher too, right?”

“i do,” you confirm.

“i can try and get you one by tomorrow too,” he says. “i’m off duty by like 5, so hopefully i’ll have enough time. now the shower?”

you nod and lead him to your bathroom. he examines the shower head, and you watch your cat approach him from behind.

“oh my god,” he says, startled at your cat rubbing against his leg. “this little dude came out of nowhere!” he reaches down to pet him, all while he’s purring up a storm.

“wow, he really likes you,” you stand shocked. your cat is always so standoffish to strangers, usually hiding under your bed or couch. but he’s rubbing against your maintenance man’s legs like he’s best friends with him.

“cats tend to really like me, i don’t know why,” he chuckles, scratching at your cat’s head. “what’s his name?”

“leo,” you say.

“like the zodiac sign?” he looks up at you while still petting him.

“yeah, i wanted to name him after his own sign but he’s a cancer, soooo…” you trail off, awkwardly fiddling with your hands.

“i’m a cancer!” he lights up, looking back down at leo. “no wonder we get along.”

you smile, and then realize you’re staring again. “i’ll go back in here so you can work.”

after distracting yourself with your phone again for a bit, you look up and see the man starting to walk out the bathroom doorway, already with his things together.

“okay, it should be good now, but let me know tomorrow if there’s any issues,” he says. you nod to him and lead him to the front door. you open the door and he walks out, but turns to you before he leaves. “so, i’ll see you tomorrow?” he has a smile on his face, with a hint of something behind it that you can’t quite read.

“yeah, tomorrow,” you say.

after locking the door behind him, you slump onto the couch with a big sigh. that was somehow the most nerve-wracking thing you’ve ever experienced. you remember he texted himself on your phone, so you open your messages and see the unsaved number.

sent 12:28 pm this is san :)

you can feel heat rising to your cheeks. even a stupid smiley face in a text has got you kicking your feet. you text him back, telling him your name and a quick thank you.

dear lord. this man didn’t even do anything, but he will be the death of you.

you come home early the next day, even earlier than you mentioned. partly because you wanted to clean up your place a bit, but the other part to mentally prepare yourself for a hot man in your apartment again. you clean up your room, tidying up so it looks a tad better than it did the day prior. once you’re done, you find yourself fixing up your makeup, realizing you’re putting way too much effort into seeing a fucking handyman fix your a/c.

are you really doing this? intentionally getting dolled up for this?? haha never! right….?

you hear a knock at your door and jump up. you check yourself in the mirror one last time, fixing the gloss on your lips. you go to open the door to reveal san, standing in front of you again with a familiar sweet smile on his face. you smile back too eagerly.

“i got your window unit!” he says, nodding down to the large box in his hands.

“oh, come in, that must be heavy!” you say, ushering him into your living room.

“mind if i go in your room?” he asks.

“of course, please,” you say, opening your bedroom door and letting him set the box down. you attempt to subtly watch his arms flex as he drops it. oh my god he is so hot.

you retreat to the living room as usual, allowing him to work in peace. you work on some things on your laptop to pass the time, but the thought of this man working on your a/c, muscles protruding, sweat glistening… it’s all too much of a distraction. you decide to put your ear buds in, trying to drown out your own perverse thoughts. you finally are able to hone in on your work, catching up on the things you couldn’t finish during your shift today since you left early.

you don’t realize that san finished installing the window unit until you feel a hand on your shoulder, making you jump.

“oh!” you stammer, pulling an ear bud out. “sorry, what’s up?”

san has a smile creeping on his face. “my bad, i didn’t mean to scare you. i just wanted to let you know i finished putting in the unit.”

“that’s great, thank you so much,” you say, standing up. “did you get the dishwasher today too?”

“yeah i did,” he says, but then he checks his phone for the time. you realize it’s about to hit 5 pm, and he said he’s off by that time.

“you’re almost off, i forgot,” you say apologetically. “you can just come back another day?”

he checks his phone again, contemplating. “well… i mean i already have it in my truck, so i don’t mind working a little bit over my time.”

“you really don’t have to, san,” you plead.

“it’s okay,” he says. “i’ll be right back with it!”

he exits your apartment, giving you a moment to kick yourself. having a dishwasher that works would be so great right now, but you feel guilty for having him work past his time. another part of you wants him to go anyway, if it meant he would come back again.

you hear a loud noise outside your front door, so you open it to see san with the new dishwasher on a dolly. you hold the door open for him, allowing him to enter your apartment and bee-line to the kitchen. he props the dolly down to drop the box.

“i should be able to finish this in about an hour, is that okay?” he asks, already unboxing it.

“as long as you’re okay with working this late,” you shrug.

“i don’t mind at all,” he smiles, looking up at you.

“okay, i’ll just be in here,” you point behind you, gesturing to the living room.

“alright, dishwasher is done,” san says, walking into the living room with a broken down empty box in one hand and dolly in the other.

“thank you so much,” you smile.

“is there anything else you need then?” he inquires, quirking up an eyebrow.

a moment of silence washes over the room momentarily, with you wracking your brain trying to find a reason for him to stay longer. but you push that away, knowing he’s been working way too long past his scheduled time.

“no, i think that will do it,” you sigh, unintentionally sounding disappointed.

“well,” he mumbles, toying with the box in his hand. “well you have my number, so if you need anything, feel free to shoot me a text.”

you walk him to the door, thanking him. he stands out in the hallway, you looking at him out your front door.

“really though,” he insists. “if you need anything.” with one last sweet smile, he leaves.

so what does he mean by that? “anything.” maybe you’re delusional for thinking there’s a hidden meaning behind that statement. as in, you can text him if you want him to fuck your brains out, “anything?” definitely not, but your mind wanders at the thought of it; that he’d drop everything and book it back to your apartment, heaving and sweaty, ready to take what’s his. you’re actually fucking crazy.

and to make yourself even crazier, the next few days you find yourself itching to get another reason to have him come back. you check your kitchen sink’s water pressure, it’s fine. you test out the stove for the first time and it cooked your food perfectly, no gas smell. then you find something. one of your kitchen drawers won’t close completely. it’s something small, but enough to put in a maintenance request. for the first time since you moved in, you feel grateful you live in a shitty apartment.

you swing the door open, happy to see the cute grin san always gives you the moment he sees you.

“sooo… a drawer, huh?” he quips with a hint of a teasing tone.

“y-yeah, i tried to fix it but i don’t know what i’m doing wrong,” you defend, rubbing the back of your neck.

“i can fix that,” he says, passing into the kitchen, tool box in hand. you’re ready to retreat to your living room as usual, but san stops you. “you know, you don’t have to wait around in your living room for me to finish. i like having company.”

“oh,” you mumble, turning around. “i thought you might want privacy while you work.”

“no, it’s okay,” he says, opening his tool box to grab a few items. “if you wanted, you can hang around. i like learning about the tenants i’m working for.”

“okay,” you murmur. you open a kitchen cabinet to grab two mugs. “do you want some tea?”

“i would love some tea,” he says.

you put the kettle on the stove, heating up some water. you chat with san about work, how many units he has to visit in a day, about the interesting tenants he meets, how long he’s been doing this. once the kettle starts whistling, san is already finished fixing the drawer, placing it back into it’s assigned slot. you can’t help but feel disappointed that your time with him is almost up. you put the tea bags in the mugs of hot water, offering one to san.

“i know you’re done, but if you still want it,” you say, and he accepts the drink with a grin. you both sit at your kitchen table, continuing to chat. your cat leo enters the kitchen, going to straight to san’s legs to rub against him.

“there’s my boy,” san coos, scratching leo’s head.

“i still can’t get over how much he likes you,” you laugh. “he’s never this friendly, he’s only like this with me.”

“he seems friendly to me,” san says. “maybe he just has good taste in people.”

you chuckle, wondering in the back of your mind if he meant that about you too.

san checks his phone, realizing the time. he sets down his tea and stands. “i should probably get out of here, there’s another tenant waiting for me.”

“i didn’t mean to keep you—”

“no no,” san interrupts. “it’s okay. i really liked this. not a lot of people are this welcoming.”

“of course,” you reply, standing up with him. “i—i really liked this too.”

san smiles, biting a bit at his lip. you look at each other for a moment, feeling an intriguing tension in the air. he finally shakes head, going to grab his things to go. you walk him to your front door. you say another thank you, about to close the door.

“like i said,” he repeats, leaning against the door frame. “anything.”

you hadn’t seen san in over a week. it was driving you mad. you became addicted to his energy, to his warm greeting at your front door, to the lingering gazes you shared. you didn’t have any reason to see him again, and you needed to find another. so you did something you’re not entirely proud of… something that an actual crazy person would do. you loosened a bolt on a pipe under your kitchen sink, allowing water to trickle the smallest amount in the lower cabinet.

listen. you know it’s bizarre at this point, but you had to see him again. it’s not like anything would happen; he’d probably just fix it up, have another nice chat with you, and be on his way. is it so bad that you meddled with your sink just to see him?

when san arrives, he has that all-knowing grin on his face the moment you open the door.

“the sink now, hm?” he asks.

“yeah,” you chuckle anxiously. “the sink.”

he goes to the kitchen and inspects the pipes under the sink. you lean against the counter, hoping to god he doesn’t notice that the pipe didn’t magically get loose.

“ah i see,” he laughs to himself. “it’s just a loose bolt. easy fix.” he tightens it with his tools, quickly finishing.

“oh, haha,” you say, nerves bubbling in your stomach. “i guess i could’ve done that.”

“you know, it’s so interesting…” he trails off, standing up to face you, running a hand through his hair.

“what?” you ask.

“i’ve never had to do so much maintenance work for one tenant before,” he says, sly grin across his face. fuck. do you think he knows?

“and i swear, that bolt kinda looked like it was loosened by a wrench…” he trails off again, stepping closer to you. HE KNOWS.

“n-no, i would never,” you defend, feeling backed against the counter.

your eyes are locked on san, wandering over his built frame, over his sharp features. he’s inching closer and closer, and you feel your breath hitch. he catches your trailing eyes as if to ask for permission, and leans in to kiss you.

finally, the thing you’ve been wanting so bad from him, to feel his lips against yours. he cups your cheek with one hand, letting you melt into his touch. your lips part to allow his tongue to slide in, deepening the kiss with fervor. his form pushes against yours, pressing you against the kitchen counter. his hands begin to wander, grazing from the side of your face down to your waist. he holds you in a tight grip, pulling your hips forward to meet his. you can feel him harden in his jeans as he lets out a groan against your lips.

“you did this on purpose, hm?” san says, separating from your lips. he lifts you up and places you to sit on the kitchen counter in one swift motion. he kneels to the floor, grabbing at the waist of your pants. “just to see me?”

you nod emphatically, watching as he pulls down your pants and underwear. the cold air hits your core and you try to close your legs, but san pushes them back open to admire you. putting your legs over his shoulders, he runs his fingers against your folds, eyes drinking in the sight of you. you shudder at the feeling, knowing all too well that he’s already got you soaked.

“you like seeing me like this?” he whispers, looking up at you. “i bet you imagined me like this, between your legs.” when his fingertips graze over your clit, your body lets out a shake, and he knows he found what he wanted.

he attaches his mouth to your core and places a firm hold on your outer thighs. licking stripes up to your clit, each stroke of his tongue feels like heaven. he dips down to your hole, dragging your slick upwards. he moans at the taste of you, devouring at you with more passion. your hands grasp at his hair, relishing the stimulation.

he tugs his head back, looking as pussy-drunk as ever. “i imagined you like this too,” he moans, lips still hovering over you. you unintentionally tug at his hair, yearning for his mouth back on you. “i wanted you so bad the moment i saw you.”

he releases a hand off your thigh and snakes it back between your legs, teasing at your hole as he goes back to circle his tongue around your clit. he looks up at you as he slides his middle finger in, watching you crumble at the feeling. once he can tell you’re comfortable, he slides in another, slowly starting to pump them into you. you whimper at the feeling, walls contracting around his fingers.

your moans are uncontrollable, and he matches them, letting the vibrations enhance the stimulation. he curls his fingers into you, hitting that perfect spot. he can feel your core clenching more erratically, causing him to pick up the pace, but maintaining a steady rhythm. his tongue flicks at your clit just right, making you squeeze your eyes shut and tighten the grip on his hair.

“s-san,” you let out. “i’m gonna cum.”

he detaches from you briefly, still finger fucking you. “cum for me, baby, i want to taste you.” he immediately latches back onto you, eating you like his life depends on it.

you feel a wave of pleasure wash over your body, feeling like chills. you’re shaking now, unable to control the sheer amount of bliss your body is experiencing. you moan out to san, coming undone on his tongue. he continues to work at you, allowing you to ride out the entirety of your orgasm.

he finally disconnects from you, pulling out his fingers coated in your essence. he licks them clean, looking up at you with the same look of desire. he stands up, promptly placing his lips on yours in a passionate kiss. you can taste yourself on his fucked-out lips, and it makes it that much hotter. you can hear him fumbling with his belt, and your hands reach down to help. you place your palm over his bulge, it twitching at the contact.

san separates from you, letting out a heavy sigh. he pulls himself out from his underwear, rubbing the tip at your spent pussy. he looks down and lets a string of his spit hit his throbbing cock, spreading it around the expanse of it with his hand. he angles himself into you, and slowly starts pushing in. you gasp at the size, him stretching you out much more than his fingers initially did. he takes it slow, acknowledging the whimpers leaving your lips.

once he’s fully inside, he groans. “god, you’re so fucking tight.”

he watches himself enter you as he starts rolling his hips into you. he places a hand on the back of your neck, pushing you towards him for a messy kiss. he starts to pick up his pace, earning a sharp hiss on his lips in between kisses.

“you feel so good,” he murmurs to you. “i knew you would feel good.”

you moan in response, completely unable to form any words. all you know is that the stretch of his cock is deliciously painful, and the sweet kisses he’s peppering over your neck gives you goosebumps all over. you can’t even believe this is happening right now, that your fantasy of fucking your maintenance man is coming true, and it feels even better than you imagined.

“you wanted this so bad,” san teases, continuing to piston into you. “for me to fuck you like this. you probably imagined it, touching yourself the moment i left.”

and he’s right, you found yourself needy and horny after every visit he made. you couldn’t stop yourself from grabbing your vibrator and pretending he was the one fucking you, not yourself. but the feeling of the real thing was much different, much more euphoric. to have his chest heaving in front of you, sweat beading on his temple, desperate energy emanating from his body, saying i want to have all of you.

suddenly, he lifts you from the kitchen counter, holding your thighs firmly with his cock still in you. something about the fact that he can completely hold you up, still bouncing you on him even… you feel like his little play toy that he’s throwing around. he takes you to the bedroom, dropping you down on your bed and landing on top of you.

he wastes no time in sliding back into you, desperate to continue feeling your tight walls around him. his body is hovering over yours, your legs tangled as he thrusts into you. he pecks around your neck, hand ghosting over your throat as if seeking permission. you place your hand over his, allowing him to choke you until you’re lost in a euphoric haze.

his thrusts become more intense and forceful, each stroke sending chills down your spine as his length reaches deeper inside you. you swear you’re shaking the whole bed, the headboard repeatedly slamming against the wall. you’re so clouded by pleasure that you barely even notice he’s fucking you so hard that he’s pushing a dent into the wall from your bed frame.

“i can fix that,” san whispers with a smile, not even bothering to stop.

you let out a chuckle, then press a soft kiss to his lips. his hips begin to slow, as though he’s really taking his time to melt into you, to feel every part of you. he then lifts up to hit a new angle inside you, gripping your waist and slamming your hips into his with powerful, deliberate motions. you move your hand to your clit, feeling your walls tighten around his throbbing cock. your vision blurs, tears starting to well up in your eyes from the overwhelming pleasure.

“you gonna cum for me?” san asks, sensing the irregular pulsing of your core. you nod up at him, eyebrows furrowed and lip caught between your teeth. “cum on my cock, baby, let me feel you.”

your orgasm builds to a peak and then cascades over you, sending you into a state of pure bliss. san is still fucking into you, extending your orgasm while still chasing his own. it’s not until his hips begin to falter that you feel him shoot ropes of his cum into you, filling you completely. his moans echo yours, his hips gradually slowing until he finally comes to a stop.

he pulls out of you, falling next to you on the bed. the room is filled with the sound of your heavy breathing as it gradually returns to a normal pace. you look at each other, smiling with a shared understanding of the unexpected moment you just experienced. he wraps his arm around you, drawing your head to his chest to where you can hear his heartbeat.

“sooo…” you chuckle softly, pointing at the dent in your wall. “you’re gonna fix that, right?”

san grins, pulling you closer. “i mean, i can, but then i’d have no reason to come back tomorrow.”

“now that i think of it,” you say, chuckling. “i think there’s probably a few more things that could be fixed…”

“anything you need,” he says. “anything.”

a/n: guys this was so fun to write, i hope u enjoyed it too!! something about san lately oml... plz leave feeback as i'm new to writing, and reblog to support me! it motivates me to write more!

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2K notes · View notes

feyburner · 4 months

Text

This is part of a longer thing I may post on ao3 at some point but here’s some silly little Jaytim texting AU. I use this format as a writing warmup.

EDIT: This has been posted on AO3.

[Unknown] »

Hey. This is Jason.

I have a favor to ask. You can say no.

« tim

1. i’m aware of how favors work

2. what is it?

« tim

hey are you like. good

J »

Yeah fine

Sry. Rethinking this maybe

« tim

what, do you need a kidney or something?

i can’t give you a kidney.

i don’t have any organs to spare.

J »

What ?

« tim

what’s the favor?

J »

I wouldn’t ask if it wasnt important

I’d ask Roy but hes in star city

or Kori but shes off world

I tried dickhead but hes in haven. Cant get away tonight

« tim

yeah jason i get it lol

J »

So Im currently in the cargo hold of a private yacht

« tim

what >?

J »

We’re caught in the storm thats hitting the city its a whole thing.

« tim

are you in the cargo hold of your own volition or did someone put you there

J »

So I dont think I can get back t

No its on purpose

« tim

hang on. you’re in gotham bay right now? in a boat?

jason this storm is really bad.

it’s already sunk a houseboat and a fishing boat at the marina

J »

I dont think I can get back totown toni

Christ you type fast

Shut up for a sec. Clam down

Clam*

*Calm fuck me

Thought I was gnna be back tonight but bc of storm its not looking great.

Can you feed my sourdough starter

« tim

what

J »

4511 overhill apt 6D

Key under the neighbors mat. 6H

« tim

hey to clarify. “its not looking great” ← what does that mean

J »

Starter is on counter. in glass jar

Should just need one feeindg. Maybe 2. depending

« tim

on???

J »

On wwhen I get back?

« tim

so you do plan on coming back

J »

Yeah timothy I’m in a boat not the heart of Mount Doom

« tim

yeah? vaders not there? so that means everything’s fine?

J »

Did you

jst say Vader

As in Darth

« tim

???

J »

Oh my god

« tim

jason are you in peril or what.

J »

No im not in “peril” lol.

Did you see the thing I said about my sourddough starter

It needs to be fed

« tim

wtf is a sourdough starter

nvm i googled it

J »

Its a live bacteria colony you use to m

Oh ok

Yeah so it just needs 50g lukewarm water + 50g flour

Theres a scale next to the jar

Stir until it looks like hummus

Put lid back on

The end

« tim

the internet says if you put it in the fridge it doesn’t need daily feedings

J »

Sure. But that would mess up my bread schedule

« tim

your bread schedule

J »

Man are gyou gonna fuckin feed Breadie Mercury or should I find someone else

« tim

im already en route.

J »

Thank you.

Wtf dont text and motorbike

« tim

how about you dont text and Sinking Boat

J »

Hey its not like I’m gonna cause a boat crash

« tim

i was stopped at a red light 😐

anwyay i’m at your place.

1. why do you not have a security system. when you said key under the neighbor’s mat i thought you were joking.

2. how warm is lukewarm

J »

1. I’m the security system

« tim

just rolled my eyes so hard it actually physically hurt

J »

God youre annoying

2. ? Its lukewarm

« tim

ohhhhh thanks! that’s so helpful :) here i am trying not to murder your incredibly important bacteria colony that i just drove across town for but no thats great jason very descriptive thanks :)

J »

Like warm but not too wram, nothing you’d want to take a bath in

Can you fucking

I TYPE SLOW.

« tim

ok.

[Image Attached]

he is fed

J »

Thanks man.

Sincerely.

« tim

so hows the cargo hold going

still intact i assume?

J »

Mostly ya

« tim

pardon?

J »

Slight leakage. Nothing major

« tim

oh? are you a boatologist now?

i dont think you’re qualified to judge that?

J »

Moving right past “boatologist” out of the goodness of my heart.

Chill lol. If it was rly bad thered probably be some sort of alar

Hm.

« tim

did an alarm just start going off

J »

Dont worry about it

« tim

im not.

did it though

also which yacht? im in the marinas scheduling dtabase

blue miracle, serendipity, carp-e diem? which one

« tim

jason?

« tim

if this is a joke it’s not funny

oh cool you’re not on comms either. great.

hey if youre dead again and i just fed your stupid starter for nothing im gonna be soooo mad just fyi

« tim

ugh.

J »

Hey

Thanks again for the

I’m not gonna say “save” bc I was doinf just fine on my own.

But thanks for the backup.

Lmk when youre home

Nope sorry lol you dont have to do that.

Night.

« tim

home

J »

Also I just saw your messaages from

Ah. 👍

From earlier.

« tim

you mean from when you said “huh, this boat seems to be filling with water” and then disappeared? those messages?

J »

Those were not my exact words.

« tim

right. your exact words contained somehow even less information

J »

Shut up

I just wanted to

You know. Youre the only one who jokes about it

The only one in the family I mean

your family, I mean

The bats.

« tim

the only one who jokes about what

J »

Me being dead

« tim

oh.

ok. well

its not like. actually funny to me. i was just annoyed. sorry i guess

J »

No thats not

Tim. Shut up.

I dont mind. I like that one of you does.

Its better than people talking around it. Like its this big shameful thing I did.

One of many

If I mention it in front of dickhead he does the face

the :~{ face

« tim

wow its uncanny

uh. for the record.

i don’t think that’s the reason people talk around it

if im correct in thinking that by “people” you mean “one specific person whose name rhymes with Rat Can”

J »

Yeah well

I just

Christ never mind. Im sorry. You are not the person to be sayign this to.

Im gonna shut the fuck up I think.

Goodnight.

« tim

oh what, you can’t talk to me about being dead bc of that one time you tried to kill me?

and failed btw :/

J »

Tim

Not to be so unchill

But you know how me being dead isnt actaully funny to you

« tim

…got it. sorry

J »

No. don’t apologize to me

Ever

I’m serious

« tim

like for anything?

what if i killed breadie mercury

J »

You didnt. He is thriving

« tim

he is?

wait. really?

you can tell?

J »

[Image Attached]

Hes doubled in size since you fed him.

« tim

whoa

J »

Yup. Thanks again for thattoo.

*that too

Its stupid but hes kinda my son.

« tim

wouldn’t he technically be like, 10 billion sons

J »

He is my 10 billion sons.

« tim

lolol

wow. why am i so pleased hes thriving lol

J »

Right

« tim

jeez

i was so worried about the water temp

google said lukewarm is 98-105 so i did 98 to be safe

J »

You used a thermometer?

« tim

your instructions were vague!

i didnt want to kill your bacteria colony!

J »

Thanks Tim.

« tim

? you already said that lol

i gotta pass out btw

glad you didnt die: the sequel in a yacht

that would have been so cringe

night jason

J »

Night

J »

You up?

« tim

obviously

why

J »

Could use your eyes on something.

[Image Attached]

« tim

morse code but the dots and dashes are reversed and its spelling backwards in russian, ASTITP AYALEB AVD RTSIRP → PRISTR DVA BELAYA PTITSA → PIER TWO WHITE BIRD

J »

Bc it looks like morse but its not, its kind of scrambl

Ok jesus christ .

30 seconds? Seriously? Fuck me

Can I hire you? Jesus lol

« tim

that depends. do you pay more than batman?

J »

The fuck? Does he pay you guys now?

« tim

no.

J »

Then yes. I do pay more than batman.

« tim

how much more

J »

One coffee per codebreak?

« tim

J »

Two coffees per codebreak

Two and a loaf of sourdough

« tim

sourdough from breadie mercury?

J »

« tim

done

J »

Damn. I feel like you should have higher standards

« tim

i mean i was already gonna do it for free

now i have successfully negotiated coffee & sustenance

im on a roll. nothing but Ws

J »

Ws?

« tim

its young people slang you wouldn’t get it ❤️

J »

I am barely 3 years older htan you.

It could be argued, considering certain events, that we’re basically the same age.

« tim

and yet you text like an old, old man

J »

I do not

Would you rather I texted like “idk brb lmao roflcopter”

« tim

ROFLCOPTER?

oh my god. ohhhhhh jason. oh my god

that is absolutely not what the kids are saying these days. oh my god

J »

Ok you know what. At least I know Mount Doom isnt a Star Wars thing

« tim

oh, is it star trek?

J »

I’m 99% sure youre antagonizing me on purpose

But have you seriously not read or watched Lord of the Rings

« tim

no i have not.

J »

Hm.

« tim

what

J »

Nothing.

« tim

……….what

« tim

did you NARC on me

to BRUCE

about LORD OF THE RINGS?????

J »

I don’t know what you’re talking about.

« tim

WHY DO I NOW HAVE 3 SEPARATE SUNDAY AFTERNOON “HOUSE MEETINGS” BLOCKED OFF IN MY CALENDAR, JASON?

WHY ARE THEY EACH 4 HOURS LONG?

WHY ARE THEY LABELED “CULTURAL EDUCATION (MANDATORY)”?

J »

I can’t pretend to know what goes on in B’s mind.

That said, I have reason to believe he and Alfred take lotr pretty seriously.

« tim

its a TWELVE HOUR MOVIE

about GOBLINS

J »

I’m not gonna respond to that bc I know youre just lashing out.

« tim

if youve sentenced me to 12 hours of a movie i hate i’m gonna hack everything you own.

im gonna mass text the entire cape wearers community the footage of that time condiment king kicked your ass so bad he felt guilty and offered to personally help you out of the mustard pool

J »

What the fuck

How do you fuckig know about ?????? that????????

Not that ithahpened

What hefuckk ??

« tim

ooooooooo you better hope i love these goblins!

J »

Why are you?? evil??

« tim

you should have killed me when you had the chance!!

sorry.

J »

Its ok. That one was pretty funny tbh.

Oh hm shouldnt have laughed just then. Bad timing on my part

Brb

« tim

ok…….. getting reports of a “disturbance” at pier two……..

« tim

sorry were you texting me *mid-standoff* with the russian mafia

« tim

ugh.

« tim

you know tracking your location would be so much easier if i didn’t have to hack into your comm sys every time

luckily your encryption is garbage but still. its 2 minutes of my life i wont get back.

J »

Not sure I recall giving you permission to track my location?

« tim

oh i’m sorry. next time i will simply leave you to go down with a texas oil magnate’s incredibly tacky yacht, or get swiss cheesified by mobsters

J »

Hey I wrapped up the russians myself

« tim

yeah?

J »

…

Yeah….

« tim

so you thought the 12-minute universal signal jam was the act of a benevolent god?

J »

:-|

« tim

im just saying it would be significantly more efficient if you agreed to a tracker

just one little tracker. you wouldn’t even notice it’s there.

think of all the time and energy you’d save me

J »

I feel the need to point out that you don’t have to repeatedly hack my comms system.

« tim

i mean it’s that or monitor sightings on the gocitizen app

i have an algo that texts relevant pings to me, which is super helpful for when i want an inbox full of random people talking about how hot you are. less helpful for literally every other circumstance

J »

What

« tim

how hot *red hood is. to clarify

in their opinion

the people’s opinion

J »

« tim

the people of gotham city

J »

The people of Gotham city do not think Red Hood is hot lol

« tim

wait

i cant tell if you’re being serious

J »

Uh? Yeah Im being serious? Lol tf

Why would they think hes hot

They dont think Batman is hot

« tim

o…kay…

huh.

how to… hmm

J »

Like nightwing sure

And the girls. Bc of objectification of women

« tim

oh wow

J »

Red Robin. If i had to guess

But when people see Hood its definitely not… that kind of response lol

« tim

what kind of response, exactly

J »

You know like saying “Hey Hood youre hot”

« tim

oh, wow.

okay. ummm

hmm. one sec.

J »

« tim

check your email

J »

Ok…?

J »

Oh my fucking god.

« tim

yeah

J »

Oh my god?

« tim

yeah

J »

This document is fucking 45 pages long?

« tim

its everything from the past 30 days yeah

J »

The past

Whaht the fuck

Ok some of these people definitely got hit by Poison Ivy.

This is . Tim wtf. I havent even heard of some of this stuff.

« tim

oof are you on page 14

J »

Im on page 3???

« tim

oh my god

J »

What the fuck

Please please tell me its not like this for Batman too

Tim

« tim

its not like this for batman :)

J »

Ok. Jesus. I would genuinely have to move cities.

« tim

its worse :)

J »

Oh what the fuck

Oh my fucking god page 14.

You get this shit TEXTED to you?????

Ohm ygod. You read this?????

« tim

i mean

i glance at it

for security purposes.

i dont like, read it read it

anyway did you seriously not know? haha

J »

No??? Again its not like people tell me

« tim

yeah but

theres a certain level of objectivity involved, here

yknow

sorry im trying to find a non awkward way to be like “have you looked in a mirror lately”

« tim

sorry

that was in fact awkward!

nvm

just let me know if you’d be ok with the tracker. its fine if not

i was mostly joking about the hacking

J (From Work) »

No you weren’t.

« tim

no i wasnt

i dont mind though. its like a brain teaser

anyway im going dark for patrol, later

J (From Work) »

[Screenshot Attached]

Question. why is the average Gotham citizen a raging horndog

« tim

oh my god

you know i can tell you searched “red robin hot” right

J (From Work) »

Figured it was only fair

[Screenshot Attached]

This persons got some mad zoom lens skills

I’d think it was you, if it wasnt, yknow, you

« tim

wow. that is certainly a photo of my ass

…a stellar photo of my ass. wow.

do you have a direct link? i gotta send this to steph

J (From Work) »

goctz.app/user/3824973/post/29348230df3

Haha

I kinda thought you and blondie broke up

back on again?

« tim

no lol we are very much just friends

she has a thing going with someone who shall remain nameless but suffice to say it’s Going

anyway we just send each other gocitizen vigilante ass shots

its a whole genre

they’re like trading cards

J (From Work) »

Guess everyone’s got a hobby?

« tim

the only rule is no nightwing

J (From Work) »

Do I want to know why

« tim

he accounts for a frankly overwhelming percentage of vigilante ass shots

so its too easy

you’d THINK we’d have a no-batman rule, because ew, but due to the cape and his sixth sense for cameras pointed at him, a qualifying shot is actually extremely rare.

← only guy who ever managed to take quality photos of batman

anyway, we put it to a vote. i lost.

J (From Work) »

A vote between you and Steph?

You lost a 50/50 vote?

« tim

i dont wanna talk about it.

J (From Work) »

Right.

So what I’m getting from this is you have Red Hood ass shots in your phone.

« tim

J (From Work) »

No?

« tim

well

J (From Work) »

Yeah?

« tim

we don’t like, save them

that would be weird

we just notify each other. professionally, as colleagues

and keep an ongoing points tally

thats all

so i do not currently have photos of your ass in my phone. thank you

J (From Work) »

How many points is my ass worth

« tim

i hate everything about this conversation

J (From Work) »

Its 100% your own fault, answer the question

« tim

if you must know.

points are awarded based on a series of objective scoring criteria.

J (From Work) »

Uh huh. Like what

« tim

technical excellence

composition. lighting and color balance.

dynamism

J (From Work) »

Dynamism…

« tim

creativity

umm

emotional impact

and

subject matter

J (From Work) »

I see.

« tim

ok i know it sounds bad

J (From Work) »

It sounds fucking hysterical Im near tears

« tim

but if you think abou

okay, well, great

J (From Work) »

I’ll let you know if I stumble on any more.

Or is that cheating

« tim

its totally cheating

please do

J (From Work) »

You got it red. 👍

« tim

#jaytim #can’t emphasize enough that this is a silly thing i wrote for Me and My Friends but sharing here as well lol #my writing

1K notes · View notes

denimbex1986 · 9 months

Text

'...“It’s fun playing bad, but actually he’s not,” the actor says, smiling as he reflects on his character, Crowley. “He’s a villain with a heart. The amount of really evil things he does are vanishingly small.”

...As it always has, “Good Omens” dissects the view of good and evil as absolutes, showing viewers that they are not as separate as we were led to believe growing up. Aziraphale and Crowley’s long-standing union is proof of this. The show also urges people to look at what defines our own humanity. For Tennant — who opted to wear a T-shirt emblazoned with the words “Leave trans kids alone you absolute freaks” during a photocall for Season 2 — these themes are more important now than ever before.

“In this society that we’re currently living in, where polarization seems ever more present, fierce and difficult to navigate. Negotiation feels like a dirty word at times,” he says, earnestly. “This is a show about negotiation. Two extremes finding common ground and making their world a better place through it. Making life easier, kinder and better. If that’s the sort of super objective of the show, then I can’t think of anything more timely, relevant or apt for the rather fractious times we’re living in.”

“Good Omens” is back by popular demand for another season. How does it feel?

It’s lovely. Whenever you send something out into the world, you never quite know how it will land. Especially with this, because it was this beloved book that existed, and that creates an extra tension that you might break some dreams. But it really exploded. I guess we were helped by the fact that we had Neil Gaiman with us, so you couldn’t really quibble too much with the decisions that were being made. The reception was, and continues to be, overwhelming.

Now that you’re no longer bound by the original material that people did, perhaps, feel a sense of ownership over, does the new content for Season 2 come with a sense of freedom for you? This is uncharted territory, of sorts.

That’s an interesting point. I didn’t know the book when I got the script. It was only after that I discovered the worlds of passion that this book had incited. Because I came to it that way, perhaps it was easier. I found liberation from that, to an extent. For me, it was always a character that existed in a script. At first, I didn’t have that extra baggage of expectation, but I acquired it in the run-up to Season 1 being released… the sense that suddenly we were carrying a ming vase across a minefield.

In Season 2, we still have Neil and we also have some of the ideas that he and Terry had discussed. During the filming of the first one, Neil would drop little hints about the notions they had for a prospective sequel, the title of which would have been “668: The Neighbour of the Beast,” which is a pretty solid gag to base a book around. Indeed there were elements like Gabriel and the Angels, who don’t feature in the book, that were going to feature in a sequel. They were brought forward into Season 1. So, even in the new episodes, we’re not entirely leaving behind the Terry Pratchett-ness of it all.

It’s great to see yourself and Michael Sheen reunited on screen as these characters. Fans will have also watched you pair up for Season 3 of “Staged.” You’re quite the dynamic duo. What do you think is the magic ingredient that makes the two of you such a good match?

It’s a slightly alchemical thing. We knew each other in passing before, but not well. We were in a film together [“Bright Young Things,” 1993] but we’d never shared a scene. It was a bit of a roll of the dice when we turned up at the read-through for “Good Omens.” I think a lot comes from the writing, as we were both given some pretty juicy material to work with. Those characters are beloved for a reason because there’s something magical about them and the way they complete each other. Also, I think we’re quite similar actors in the way we like to work and how we bounce off each other.

Does the shorthand and trust the two of you have built up now enable you to take more risks on-screen?

Yes, probably. I suppose the more you know someone, the more you trust someone. You don’t have to worry about how an idea might be received and you can help each other out with a more honest opinion than might be the case if you were, you know, dancing around each other’s nervous egos. Enjoying being in someone’s orbit and company is a positive experience. It makes going to work feel pleasant, productive, and creative. The more creative you can be, the better the work is. I don’t think it’s necessarily a given that an off-screen relationship will feed into an on-screen one in a positive or negative way. You can play some very intimate moments with someone you barely know. Acting is a peculiar little contract, in that respect. But it’s disproportionately pleasurable going to work when it’s with a mate.

Fans have long discussed the nature of Crowley and Aziraphale’s relationship. In Season 2, we see several of the characters debate whether the two are an item, prompting them to look at their union and decipher what it is. How would you describe their relationship?

They are utterly co-dependent. There’s no one else having the experience that they are having and they’ve only got each other to empathize with. It’s a very specific set of circumstances they’ve been dealt. In this season, we see them way back at the creation of everything. They’ve known each other a long time and they’ve had to rely on each other more and more. They can’t really exist one without the other and are bound together through eternity. Crowley and Aziraphale definitely come at the relationship with different perspectives, in terms of what they’re willing to admit to the relationship being. I don’t think we can entirely interpret it in human terms, I think that’s fair to say.

Yet fans are trying to do just that. Do you view it as beyond romantic or any other labels, in the sense that it’s an eternal force?

It’s lovely [that fans discuss it] but you think, be careful what you wish for. If you’re willing for a relationship to go in a certain way or for characters to end up in some sort of utopian future, then the story is over. Remember what happened to “Moonlighting,” that’s all I’m saying! [Laughs]

Your father-in-law, Peter Davison, and your son, Ty Tennant, play biblical father-and-son duo Job and Ennon in Episode 2. In a Tumblr Q&A, Neil Gaiman said that he didn’t know who Ty’s family was when he cast him. When did you become aware that Ty had auditioned?

I don’t know how that happened. I do a bunch of self-tapes with Ty, but I don’t think I did this one with him because I was out of town filming “Good Omens.” He certainly wasn’t cast before we started shooting. There were two moments during filming where Neil bowled up to me and said, “Guess, who we’ve cast?” Ty definitely auditioned and, as I understand it, they would tell me, he was the best. I certainly imagine he could only possibly have been the best person for the job. He is really good in it, so I don’t doubt that’s true. And then my father-in-law showed up, as well, which was another delicious treat. In the same episode and the same family! It was pretty weird. I have worked with both of them on other projects, but never altogether.

There’s a “Doctor Who” cameo, of sorts, in Episode 5, when Aziraphale uses a rare annual about the series as a bartering tool. In reality, you’ll be reprising your Time Lord role on screen later this year in three special episodes to mark the 60th anniversary. Did you always feel you’d return to “Doctor Who” at some point?

There’s a precedent for people who have been in the series to return for a multi-doctor show, which is lovely. I did it myself for the 50th anniversary in 2013, and I had a wonderful time with Matt [Smith]. Then, to have John Hurt with us, as well, was a little treat. But I certainly would never have imagined that I’d be back in “Doctor Who” full-time, as it were, and sort of back doing the same job I did all those years ago. It was like being given this delightful, surprise present. Russell T Davies was back as showrunner, Catherine Tate [former on-screen companion] was back, and it was sort of like the last decade and a half hadn’t happened.

Going forward, Ncuti Gatwa will be taking over as the new Doctor. Have you given him any advice while passing the baton?

Oh God, what a force of nature. I’ve caught a little bit of him at work and it’s pretty exciting. I mean, what advice would you give someone? You can see Ncuti has so much talent and energy. He’s so inspired and charismatic. The thing about something like this is: it’s the peripherals, it’s not the job. It’s the other stuff that comes with it, that I didn’t see coming. It’s a show that has so much focus and enthusiasm on it. It’s not like Ncuti hasn’t been in a massive Netflix series [“Sex Education,”] but “Doctor Who” is on a slightly different level. It’s cross-generational, international, and has so much history, that it feels like it belongs to everyone.

To be at the center of the show is wonderful and humbling, but also a bit overwhelming and terrifying. It doesn’t come without some difficulties, such as the immediate loss of anonymity. It takes a bit of getting used to if that’s not been your life up to that point. I was very lucky that when I joined, Billie Piper [who portrayed on-screen companion, Rose] was still there. She’d lived in a glare of publicity since she was 14, so she was a great guide for how to live life under that kind of scrutiny. I owe a degree of sanity to Billie.

Your characters are revered by a few different fandoms. Sci-fi fandoms are especially passionate and loyal. What is it like being on the end of that? I imagine it’s a lot to hold.

Yes, certainly. Having been a fan of “Doctor Who” since I was a tiny kid, you’re aware of how much it means because you’re aware of how much it meant to you. My now father-in-law [who portrayed Doctor Who in the 80s] is someone I used to draw in comic strips when I was a kid. That’s quite peculiar! It’s a difficult balance because on one end, you have to protect your own space, and there aren’t really any lessons in that. That does take a bit of trial and error, to an extent, and it’s something that you’re sometimes having to do quite publicly. But, it is an honor and a privilege, without a doubt. As you’ve said, it means so much to people and you want to be worthy of that. You have to acknowledge that and be careful with it. Some days that’s tough, if you’re not in the mood.

I know you’re returning to the stage later this year to portray Macbeth. You’ve previously voiced the role for BBC Sounds, but how are you feeling about taking on the character in the theater?

I’m really excited about it. It’s been a while since I’ve done Shakespeare. It’s very thrilling but equally — and this analogy probably doesn’t stretch — it’s like when someone prepares for an Olympic event. It does feel like a bit of a mountain and, yeah, you’re daring to set yourself up against some fairly worthy competition from down the years. That’s both the challenge and the horror of doing these types of things. We’ve got a great director, Max Webster, who recently did “Life of Pi.” He’s full of big ideas. It’s going to be exciting, thrilling, and a little bit scary. I’m just going to take a deep breath.

Before we part ways, let’s discuss the future of “Good Omens.” Gaiman has said that he already has ideas for Season 3, should it happen. If you were to do another season, is there anyone in particular you’d love to work with next time around or anything specific you’d like to see happen for Crowley?

Oh, Neil Gaiman knows exactly where he wants to take it. If you’re working with people like Gaiman, I wouldn’t try to tamper with that creative void. Were he to ask my opinion, that would be a different thing, but I can’t imagine he would. He’s known these characters longer than me and what’s interesting is what he does with them. That’s the bit that I’m desperate to know. I do know where Crowley might end up next, but it would be very wrong if I told you.

[At this point, Tennant picks up a pencil and starts writing on a hotel pad of paper.]

I thought you were going to write it down for me then. Perhaps like a clandestine meeting on a bench in St James’ Park, but instead you’d write the information down and slide it across the table…

I should have done! I was drawing a line, which obviously, psychologically, I was thinking, “Say no more. You’re too tempted to reveal a secret!” It was my subconscious going “Shut the fuck up!”

3K notes · View notes

lackadaisycats · 2 months

Note

I’m getting really curious on the whole seemingly complex situation that is Mitzi’s romantic relationships.

Cause like, we got Zib, we got Atlas, AND we got Wick!

As far as I’m understanding Zib and Mitzi was like a situationship?? Or maybe just an unofficial relationship from teens to early twenties?? Like they have history together!

But then Atlas comes in and Mitzi kinda leaves Zib for him? Like did she just lose feelings for Zib all together and now only sees him as a friend in the current timeline?

WHATS THE LOVE STORY THERE??

Was there a messy breakup type ordeal??

Then theres Wick! Who I’m unsure if Mitzi does or doesn’t have genuine feelings for!

Cause like, her husbands been dead for a year? And now she’s smooching around with Wick? I can’t tell if this is simply a tactic Mitzi’s using to keep Wick wrapped around her finger or not.

Not that she’s doing it out of malicious intent! It’s clear she feels guilty when she had to use Wick. All things will go into deeper shit if she doesn’t have Wick around! So maybe she’s playing his heart to keep him around because she is extremely dependent on him money wise?? Or does she have actual feelings too??

Girlie has three (or more) men smitten by her! But does she feel the same way in return? I’m pretty confident she did at least have real genuine feelings for Zib in the past! But did she actually love Atlas or was it a marriage of convenience? Or Wick! Is it only a tactic to keep him around as long as possible or has she also had some feelings for him that she’s now partially showing cause her husbands been dead for a year!

Her love life looks so complex! I feel like she needs a drink with how many men seem to be into her at the same time!

sorry for the slight rant and multiple questions 😭

It is indeed messy and complicated, but I can't think of many romantic relationships that don't have some chaos woven in. Even taking account of meaningful, non-romantic relationships in my own lifetime with friends or family, "It's complicated" is an apt descriptor. She and Zib had a past, yes. There were definitely feelings involved, but the structure of the relationship was uncommitted and wishy-washy. Then some things happened that caught Zib by surprise. For indicators as to how Mitzi felt about Atlas, well, take into consideration that she still speaks to his portrait. You can maybe find some clues about the nature of their relationship in things that Zib and Mordecai say in Volume 2 of the comic. As for Wick, I hope it's clear there's at least some mutual attraction there. Mitzi's got her priorities, though, and Wick is actively trying to sort out exactly what his feelings are and where he draws a line in the course of the comic. Really, details are meant to unfold gradually in the story to paint a fuller picture of the past. Things you surmise about it and conclusions you draw (even if they don't ultimately line up with canon) are likely to be far more interesting than whatever dry explanations I could provide here, though.

#lackadaisy #lackadaisycats #q&a

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multi-fandom-imagine · 17 days

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𝚆𝚑𝚊𝚝 𝚒𝚜 𝚊 𝚜𝚎𝚕𝚔𝚒𝚎 || Stanley Pines ll

Also called the seal people, the sea people or the mermaid – a selkie is a marine legend that tells of people who are half fish, and half-human. In the water, they are seals, but on land, they shed their skin and take on human form. And for some reason, they are irresistible to ordinary humans, who are apt to fall in love with the seal people

A/n: I am not happy with this

Stan couldn't help but roll his eyes as he tried to zone out on whatever Ford was blabbing about, docked in some small town in Ireland his brother received some tip that a creature was lingering here. One that Ford has never seen.

A Selkie

He really didn't care, as long as had an actual bed to sleep in he was happy.

....but did it have to be in some tiny ass town that wasn't even on the map, leaning into his hand an irritated sigh left his lips he didn't even notice you approach him.

"Top your beer off?"

Stan had to do a double take, he couldn't tare his gaze away. You looked like you stepped out of a painting. From that radiant smile, to how your eyes seemed to shine even in this dimly lit tavern.

Though the one thing he did notice was how you did not fit in here at all. Maybe it was you lacked the Irish accent or it could have been you looked nothing like the patrons you served. A scowl then formed on his lips.

'Idiot...you could be from anywhere...and decided to just move here.'

"Uh...sure..." Stan cleared out his throat, it was like all of his confidence was sucked from him. "Thanks."

"You're not from around here are you?" You teased leaning across the bar top.

Swallowing thickly, Stan let his eyes dart to your cleavage then quickly looked up as his cheeks flushed for a moment. "Uh.."

Humming, you smiled sitting up dusting off your apron. "You're cute."

It was strange, to be able to find a connection with a man after one that stole your hide. He was charming, he made you laugh. It was a strange feeling, while you longed to go home part of you longed to stay with him.

"So you're what...a Selki? My brother is lookin for one."

Tensing, you frowned letting your feet skim the waters. "Are you going to tell him about me?"

"Nah...I'm enjoying this too much....besides the longer he keep's searchin the longer I keep talkin to you." Stan gave you a smile as you glanced away for a moment your own smile tugging at your lips.

"Thank you Stanley." You muttered as you let your head rest against his shoulder.

Cheeks turning pink, Stan gave you a smile as he gave your side a squeeze. "Ah shucks, you don't gotta thank me dollface."

"You're getting awfully close to the barmaid." Ford glanced at his brother as he jotted something down in the new journal.

Tensing, Stan scowled as he stubbed out the cigar as he turned away from Ford. "Why don't you worry about that creature you're lookin for...I got shit do."

Shrugging on a black coat, he started to walk off the dock only to pause hearing his brother.

"We're leaving tomorrow Stanley so try not to get drunk."

'Tomorrow?' Stanley swore under his breath as he quickly rushed off into the night. He didn't think they'd be leaving so soon, not when he was just starting to fall for you. Sure it may have been a month but Ford usually stayed longer.

Shaking his head, he looked up at the house looming in front of him. He knew that bastards schedule by now and where you'd be. Cracking his neck he stepped towards the door.

"One last house Stanley...then you're done."

"Stanley! Stan!" Chest heaving, you rushed towards the man as he stood at the end of the dock, he was holding something behind his back as you did your best to catch your breath. "You're leaving...weren't you."

"I was gonna...I swear...I just had to give you something. Away from those guys." Stan cleared out his throat. "Here."

Eyes going wide, tears swelled as you clutched your coat to your chest. "How did you."

"A good con artist doesn't relieve his secrets" Stan gave you a wink.

Holding the cloak, you stood on your toes placing a kiss to the corner of his lips. Waking towards the dock you slipped the fur around your shoulders only to hesitate as you looked back at the man, your heart aching. You never meant to fall in love.

"Ah go ahead doll face....I'll be fine." Stan cleared out his throat as he watched you vanish in the water. A seal poking its head up for a moment only to dice back down.

"You alright Stanley?" Ford stepped up beside him as he looked at his brother.

Rubbing his eyes, Stan cleared out his throat nodding his head. "Ya I'm fine..let's get going."

Frowning, Ford tipped his head then sighed as he followed Stan. "Right."

Hours passed as Stan kept his gaze on the waters, hoping to at least get a glimpse of you though he couldn't help but snort at Ford's rambles on missing his chances on speaking with an actual Selki, he had half a mind to tell Ford he not only talked with one but also slept with one too.

But he couldn't...not when you meant so much to him.

"Uh Stanley?! Can you come here for a moment?"

Hearing his brother's panicked voice, Stan rolled his eyes as he walked towards the back of the ship only to see Ford pointing some gun at....was that a seal?!

"Whoa!? What the hell are you doin?" Jumping in front of the barking seal, he pushed the gun away as Ford let out a scoff.

"Do you-"

"Please tell him to put the gun down?" Your voice muttered as you peered out over Stan's shoulders glaring at Ford.

"You..."

Turning around, in where the seal once was stood a very naked you. A pout on your lips though Stan had to shake his head as he quickly shrugged his coat off wrapping it around your body. "What are you doing here? Shouldn't you be?"

Shaking your head, you gave him a smile placing your hand on his cheek. "I tried Stanley but it's lonely...I want to be with you...if you'll have me." You whispered as your head rested on his chest.

Holding you close, Stan kissed your head then smiled as he cupped your cheeks. "Doll face, if I ever say no just toss me over the side of the ship."

"While all of this is well and good...can someone explain to me why there is a naked woman on the ship?"

Glancing up at Stan, you then turned the attention to Ford. "I'm Y/n....and I am the Selki you've been looking for."

Grasping your hand, Ford gave you a smile only to give his brother a glare. "It's nice to formally meet you, we'll talk about this later Stan-...where are you going...I AM NOT SLEEPING ON THE DECK TONIGHT?! STANLEY?"

Your laughter followed by the sound of the door slamming shut was his only response.

#drabbles #drabble #stan #stanley #gravity falls stanley #gravity falls stanley pines #stanley pines #stanley pines x reader #stanley pines x you #gravity falls #gravity falls x reader #gravity falls x you

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hometoursandotherstuff · 2 months

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A buyer just closed on this cool 1968 house in Belleville, IL and they got a good deal. It needs a little TLC, but it has unusual architecture, 1bd, 1ba, but I think it has room for expansion, and it was only $200K. It's way better than paying rent on a 1bd. apt. and having nothing, right?

Drive right up to the front door and park. Very convenient.

Not only do I love it b/c it's pink, but look at the entrance hall. Looks like a little castle, doesn't it? A little pink castle. I love it.

Right off the entrance is the bath and it has a walk-in tub, which are not cheap. So, this is the only bath. Not bad.

Love this. Kind of an Alice in Wonderland vibe. They left the clock and other pieces of furniture, as well.

The entrances to this home would make me feel like a queen.

Now, I told you that it was unusual. This is the bedroom. I'm trying to figure out what this building could've been before. This is a built-in seat.

It has a partially finished basement, so those are the stairs.

And, the bed goes here by the headboard attached to the wall.

I really can't figure out what this room is, w/the small sink, but I like it.

Beautiful room. This could definitely be a primary bedroom.

This could be a an extended part of that bedroom. Or, it can be eliminated altogether and just make it a hallway w/the stairs to the basement, making this the primary bd.

This elegant room is clearly the living room. The floors are terrazzo.

This home is big, there's so much you can do with it. We're in the lower level. It even has a fireplace. This home can be so pretty, and they left the armoire.

The kitchen is small, industrial, and doesn't have a stove, but they did leave the fridge and a very nice butcher block. So, the kitchen needs some work.

They left a washer and dryer in the unfinished part. The floor is a nice river rock.

For $200K this home is so worth it. Look at the gorgeous grounds.

Isn't this beautiful?

There's a table under here. And so many cement sculptures come with the property. It has a total of 5.49 acres that you can build on.

That's not all- there's also a cottage on the property.

It needs some work, but it can definitely be a rental. It's big and looks like it has 2 bds.

Here, you can see the main house and the cottage on the bottom. Gorgeous property and it fronts the Frank Scott Parkway. What a steal!

https://www.zillow.com/homedetails/348-Avery-Hl-Belleville-IL-62223/112796405_zpid/

#unusual homes #houses #house tours #home tour #houses under $200K

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mayaree-darling · 9 months

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history in the making // rex lapis (zhongli)

from aree: inspired by the latest collab genshin has with the Sanxingdui Museum (and the trailer for said event). (Slightly SAGAU just bcoz but can be read as a normal Reverse Isekai AU)

You're a security guard for the museum and you're out on your regular patrol for the night. All is quiet save for the tapping of your shoes on the marble floors and the jingle of keys hanging from your belt.

When you round the corner, you flinch. There's a man standing there, barefooted, just staring at the museum displays with curiosity. You accidentaly shine your light on him, unconsciously trying to get a better look at him and he turns to you.

Something about him was definitely off. He was wearing some kind of hooded robe. And... gloves? What else could they be? They reached from his shoulders to the very tips of his fingers, making his arms look brown like the very earth. Whatever gloves those were, they ran with veins of gold, making him glow under the museum darkness. But above all else, the most damning piece of evidence that he wasn't from around here were his golden eyes that almost seemed to glow brighter than the gold of his arms.

He definitely did not look like he belonged here, and yet, he looked like he was right at home in this very museum - if you said he was as ancient as the very displays, it felt like you'd be correct.

"You're not supposed to be around here right now." You say dumbly. What else were you supposed to say anyway? You're a security guard in a museum, your sole job was to kick people out past visiting hours.

His mouth ticks up at the corners, like you just said something funny. You would be offended at the thought of not being taken seriously while on the job, if you didn't think he suddenly looked more... human. The deadpan stare he had on earlier made him look too statuesque, too detached from everything.

"Then what say you would be the most apt time to pay a visit?" His voice is deep and melodious, almost intimidating if not for the playful lilt to his tone.

"Uh, 8:30 AM to 6 PM?" You rub the back of your neck, directing the flashlight to the museum entrance. The doors were firmly closed and locked. You can see him staring at you from the corner of your eye. "How did you even get in here...?"

He seems to think about your words, closing his eyes in thought. Without the glow of his eyes, you notice even the tips of his hair are golden. Maybe some kind of cosplayer? But by the looks of it, he seemed to move around too comfortable in his attire for it not to be every day wear. And his eyes didn't look like contact lenses. Finally, he opened his eyes, a mischievous glint to them.

"If I were to say I have arrived here through a dream, would you believe me?" His mouth forms a small smile and you blink at him.

"Guess you don't plan on telling me the truth," You sigh. "Fine then."

You tentatively touch the two-way radio on your belt. Should you call this in? Some guy in cosplay just found his way in and has no plans on telling you how he got here. You think you should tell someone. But...

"You are from here, correct?" He asks and you turn to him immediately. He really has a way of getting people's attention, especially with his voice. You nod at him. "Then might I ask you to tell me of what these statues mean?"

Huh. Now that you thought about it, he was looking at the displays when you first saw him, too. Maybe he'll cooperate easily with you if you tell him a couple of things about the museum. You should really tell someone, but at the same time-

You feel like the moment you tell someone else, he'd disappear from your view. You must be going mad.

"Follow me, then." You're no tour guide, but you do know of the things they speak of. So you repeat what you hear during the day.

You tell the golden-eyed man about the remains of the ancient Shu Kingdom four thousand years ago. You tell him of 50,000 artifacts unearthed in the ruins. He asks questions about the Bronze Age, of their masks and artworks, and you answer best you can while reading the displays.

Finally, you reach a corner where the fire exit is. He stops beside you.

"Sorry about this. But not gonna lie, I've let you stay long enough," you sigh.

He shakes his head and smiles softly. "You have done more than enough. I thank you for letting me see your world."

Your world? Odd choice of words. But if he really wasn't from here, then you guess in a sense this is a bit of your world.

"Just go past these doors and they'll lead you straight out the building. Do I need to escort you out?" He shakes his head and you open the door for him.

He passes through, but stops just before passing you. "May we meet again, Overseer."

"That's not really my name. Also I hope you wouldn't come back like this." You tell him your name, but he merely whispers it and smiles. "Oh, right, I forgot to ask yours."

He opens his mouth before closing it and shaking his head. "I fear that if I tell you my name, we will never see each other again. As such, I promise to tell you the next time we meet."

This guy gets weirder by the minute, but atleast your meeting was ending. "Just make sure to come back during visiting hours, alright? I don't wanna lose my job."

You close the door behind him, but just as you do, smoke and golden light slips past the cracks of the door. With a yelp, you throw the door open, expecting a fire, but there's nothing.

No robed man, no fire. Just the remains of a mist.

Maybe he was right.

Maybe you were dreaming.

You think it's a dream. Not until by the next night, you find the same man. Same golden eyes, in armor of brown and gold.

He looks to you and offers another smile.

And he tells you his name.

✨ Masterlist ✨

Taglist: 💛@wonpielle 💜@shikanosn

Disclaimer: Characters are not mine and belong to their respective creators. Their portrayal is merely my own interpretation of them and may not be accurate to their intended characterization. I stake no claim to the original works, only to the ideas and plot of the fictitious stories I’ve written them into.

#this is just Five Nights with Zhongli lmaooo #genshin impact zhongli #genshin impact x reader #genshin impact reader insert #genshin impact zhongli x reader #zhongli x reader #rex lapis x reader #genshin impact sagau #sagau x reader #sagau zhongli #sagau rex lapis

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greatlydelirious · 2 years

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𝐖𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐒𝐥𝐚𝐬𝐡𝐞𝐫 𝐃𝐢𝐜𝐤𝐬 𝐋𝐨𝐨𝐤 𝐋𝐢𝐤𝐞

Slashers x F!Reader

What [blank] Dicks Look Like Masterlist

summary: “An extremely detailed description of different Slasher dicks.” Hex Color Codes, predictions of exact measurements, what sex would be like; basically, I went crazy with it.

warnings: pure debauchery, very much my own opinion

Billy Loomis:

Height - 6′ 0″ (1.82m)

Body Type - Lean, Toned

Tip - #AE6D6A

Shaft - #D49D8A

Length - 6.8in (17.27cm)

Girth - 4.6in (11.68cm)

Details - Circumcised, cleanly shaven, and has noticeable dark blue veins when he becomes fully erect. Grower, not a shower.

Billy is a lot of things; mysterious, brooding, and brash, but understated isn’t one of them. His plans are big, but his cock is bigger. It wasn’t a surprise for you when you say how large he was for the first time. Although it barely fit in you, it did fit his personality. The only thing he is more passionate about than revenge is fucking you until you can barely walk the next day and need to call out of school.

Expect to also have bruises and love bites to boot. Billy loved to lay his claim on you by making sure you had visual reminders that you were taken. Even if he was with Sidney, he needed everyone to know you weren’t up for grabs.

Just like him, the tip of his cock is a dark and heady reddish-purple. Billy’s taste in sex is quite rough and possessive. He took you with his cock in every way imaginable and only used positions that had you flush against him.

If he’s not inside you, he’s practically fucking you with his eyes. He watches your every move like a predator assessing its prey. An apt description when his eyes are as dark as a shark and he holds you so tight like you’ll bolt at any moment.

Do you want to be possessed completely and treated like a fuck doll? If so, Billy Loomis is your guy.

Stu Matcher:

Height - 6′ 3″ (1.90m)

Body Type - Lanky, Toned

Tip - #EDA491

Shaft - #F1BDA8

Length - 7in (17.78cm)

Girth - 3.9in (9.90cm)

Details - Circumcised, hair is a little overgrown, but it’s thin so it’s not really a problem. Tilts to the left.

Just like his stature, Stu’s cock is thin and long. He fits nicely into your pussy but couldn’t completely bottom out.

Sex with Stu is more fun than anything else. He likes to make you giggle and squirm, especially while you’re impaled on his cock. He’s a goofball through and through, but at the drop of hat, he’ll go from tickling you to fucking into you like a man possessed.

Like any other young man, Stu’s as horny as it gets. His love language is touch so he’ll always either have his arms around you or have you planted on his lap. The latter was a dangerous game as it inevitably led to him grinding up into your ass. You tried to be discrete, but he was so long and always so hard against you, you couldn’t help but blush and bite your lip till you almost bled to suppress the string of moans that threatened to spill out.

Billy would always snicker at how you “fucked like rabbits”. Thank God for birth control, because with how frequently you fuck and how deep Stu comes in you, you would be pregnant by now.

Despite your continuous salacious activities, your relationship was rather sweet. You loved how you had to go on your tiptoes to kiss him and the way you got to lay your head in the middle of his chest while you snuggled together. You especially loved how he always made sure you were comfortable and getting maximum pleasure from sex.

To make a long story short; Stu was the pinnacle of a golden retriever boyfriend (with a big dick).

Mark Hoffman:

Height - 5′ 9″ (1.75m)

Body Type - Strong

Tip - #D47F71

Shaft - #E3A78D

Length - 6.9in (17.52cm)

Girth - 5.3in (13.46cm)

Details - Circumcised, hair is trimmed, but not fully shaved, and he has one thick vein that runs along the underside of his shaft. Tilts upwards and to the right.

Intimidating was a word apt for all aspects of Mark Hoffman. Personality, looks, and more importantly his dick. You can still remember the first time you saw him in all his naked glory. As you gaped like a codfish, that damn devilish smirk spread across his face in cocky male triumph. At least that time you could agree with it.

The ratio of length and width was perfect for deriving pleasure that wasn’t painful, but filled you to the fullest. A personification of the phrase “just right”.

You loved to suckle and lick at the thick head of Mark’s cock. Lightly teasing him with pleasure light enough to make him grunt, but not completely come undone. But, just like the man himself, the tip is an angry red. Your teasing would last a minute before that same tip hit the back of your throat.

Mark loved to fuck your throat to feel how hard you work to accommodate him. Your lips stretched thin around his thickness almost uncomfortably. A factor that only worked to spur him on more.

When Mark Hoffman fucked you he didn’t seek to inflict pain. No, he made you so dick drunk that drool slid out your puffy lips and you couldn’t even begin to remember what day it was. That’s just what good dick does to a woman.

Bo Sinclair:

Height - 6′ 1″ (1.85m)

Body Type - Muscular

Tip - #BD7365

Shaft - #D59C88

Length - 8.1in (20.57cm)

Girth - 5.4in (13.71cm)

Details - Circumcised, clean-shaven (I mean look at his face, man grooms himself), and he has multiple veins along his shaft that are sensitive. Tilts upwards, hefty balls.

Holy Mother Mary and Joseph, Bo has so much feral masculinity it borders on toxic... okay it definitely is toxic. He’s charismatic, sexy, has a killer smile, a huge cock, and he knows it. Not only knows it, but revels in it. Cockiness is the least of your worries when it comes to Bo, however.

Bo is an experienced lover since he was the resident playboy when Ambrose was still bustling with life. Now you get the pleasure of having him all to yourself. More of a curse than a blessing since the man has an insatiable sex drive.

He fucks every hole you have with a delicious stretch that makes you moan like a whore. Bo praises you for taking him so well by grunting at you about how you're his “good little slut”. Degradation is his specialty, but you’re usually too dick-drunk to care (and the darker side of you absolutely loves it).

Bo is a shower all the way. His tight jeans leave little to the imagination as whenever you’re in the same room you can see the hard outline of his cock. An instinctual display of his dominance. He needed to be in power and you were more than happy to give it to him.

One of his favorite things was to have you lie your back on the bed with your head hanging off so he can fuck your throat. Nothing spurred him on more than the sight of his cock bulging down your throat. Sometimes he liked to wrap one of his hands around your neck, so he can feel him fucking you even more.

Get ready to familiarize yourself with being sore because Bo won’t go easy on you. If you do complain he is more than happy to ease your pain with his damned mouth. Good for being an asshole and even better for bringing you pleasure.

Vincent Sinclair:

Height - 6′ 1″ (1.85m)

Body Type - Lean, Strong

Tip - #C98274

Shaft - #DCAC99

Length - 8.2in (20.82cm)

Girth - 5.2in (13.20cm)

Details - Circumcised, clean-shaven, and slightly paler than his brother. Tilts upwards and to the left.

Vincent is the sweet version of his brother Bo. Although they possess similar impressive equipment, he lavishes your body like you’re royalty. He is more of a giver than a receiver.

Aftercare with Vincent was glorious. In the afterglow of sex, he will wet a rag in warm water to wipe you both off before laying you against his chest. Once you become putty in his strong embrace, he likes to run a brush through your sex-tasseled hair. A gesture that is even more intimate than what you just engaged in.

Vincent thought it was fascinating that you are so fascinated with his dick. So much so that he surprised you with a mold of it as a gift for you to use whenever he was unavailable. (If Bo found out, you would never hear the end of it.) In return, you offered to model nude for Vincent which of course led to passionate, mind-melting sex. His room seemed to turn into a sauna during it all. You always ended up being hot and sticky with sweat that made you want to sleep the rest of the day away more than anything else.

Even though he was always quiet, during sex he didn’t hold back the animalistic grunts that crawled from his throat. Fitting since his cock was perfect for breeding you fully. Another accurate fact since Vincent always lovingly stroked your belly afterward.

Vincent is sugar, spice, and everything nice in and out of the bedroom (if you aren’t a prospective statue that is).

Lester Sinclair:

Height - 5′ 7″ (1.70m)

Body Type - Scrawny

Tip - #C7877E

Shaft - #D6A795

Length - 5.3in (13.46cm)

Girth - 3.8in (9.65cm)

Details - Uncircumcised, a nice accumulation of hair, and veiny.

This man is the picture you see when you look up why size doesn’t matter. Lester has no qualms about putting in the work to make you orgasm. He eats you out like a starved man and his fingers are so deft that you forget he spent most of his day cleaning roadkill. Additionally, Lester always made sure to pay special attention to your clit while he fucked you.

He is the king of a quickie. In his truck, on top of his truck, on the ground, or in the bathroom; the man knows how to get you both off and do it fast. Especially since his brother Bo will never give the two of you peace.

Lester liked to call you his “little slice o’ heaven”. In his words, you were as sweet as pie and tasted like it too. It didn’t take much for you to rile the man up till he was chomping at the bit to touch you. When you wore your lace bra and tank top he would be practically beg on his knees.

Everyone underestimated him, but that left more for you. Who doesn’t love a man who isn’t afraid to get down and dirty? (Oh yeah, he totally eats ass too. I have no shame in saying it).

Brahms Heelshire:

Height - 6′ 3″ (1.90m)

Body Type - Muscular

Tip - #DA9F99

Shaft - #D7A294

Length - 7.8in (19.81cm)

Girth - 4.6in (11.68cm)

Details - Circumcised, hairy just like the rest of him (facts are facts). Hangs low.

It was a mystery how Brahms was so well endowed with, well... everything. The man was mouth-wateringly muscular despite his proclivity for slinking in the walls all day and to say he was hung was the understatement of the century.

One time when Brahms was desperately grinding against your stomach you shivered at the realization of how long he was. The tent that grew in his sweatpants could have housed five people. A fact that the boy didn’t fully quite understand.

Ever the eager one, Brahms wanted nothing more than to completely sheath himself inside you in one thrust. Although, a good hard squeeze of his cock made him listen to you; even if he whined in need. (However, he loved nothing more than to bury his face in your sweet folds. Something he was far too good at for his inexperience.)

He liked when you were authoritative yet sweet. Whispering to him what you wanted him to do if he wanted to be your “good boy” while running your thumb along the slit on the pretty pink head of his cock.

Although Brahms only slightly stretched your pussy, the way he could barely bottom out in you made your toes curl with tortuous delight. Each push inside you made him rub against the spot that made your eyes roll back and made his tip kiss your cervix.

Brahms Heelshire may have no experience before you, but he learns rather quickly like the good boy he is.

Thomas Hewitt:

Height - 6′ 5″ (1.95m)

Body Type - Wide, Strong

Tip - #C7777A

Shaft - #EABCAF

Length - 4.8in (12.19cm)

Girth - 6.0in (15.24cm)

Details - Uncircumcised, another hairy bastard, and has thick veins. Huge balls.

What he lacks in length, he makes up for in width, because just like every other inch of his body, Thomas’s cock is thick.

Prep is key for the beast of a man to snuggly (while still stretching) fit inside your warm depths. Thomas is desperate as he spreads you with his fingers, one at a time. One turns into two turns into three, and by the fourth, you’re a whimpering wet mess begging to finally be filled by the real thing.

Pre-cum weeps from the tip of his blushing cock as his bulky frame cages you in and fucks you like an animal in heat. The deep flush on the head is the same color as the flush on his cheeks by the end of your far too-loud lovemaking.

Charlie Hewitt often vulgarly taunted Tommy about him “fucking” you, but Thomas was so head over in heels with you, the only phrase he liked to call what you two did was lovemaking. Even if he was rather rough on occasion. Every time your sweet voice asked him, “Do you want to make love to me Tommy?” while you stroked his broad chest, he felt like he would burst right then and there.

Tall, strong, and wide, not only was he sturdy enough to not be swept away by a tornado, Thomas Hewitt could satisfy all your primal needs. And you did for him as well, because based on the whined grunts and growls he showers you with; pumping you full of his cum was Thomas’s favorite thing.

Michael Myers:

Height - 6′ 8″ (2.03m)

Body Type - Strong

Tip - #EFA29A

Shaft - #F5BEAB

Length - 9.7in (24.63cm)

Girth - 5.6in (14.22cm)

Details - Circumcised, good amount of hair, and veiny. Hangs low (Do you see the size of that thing?).

Silent, but deadly. Inhumanely strong. A giant amongst man. And that’s just the descriptions for Michael’s dick. But seriously, it was a wonder how you survived being his girlfriend. He was a little too thick and a little too long. Not that you're complaining, it’s just A LOT to get used to.

Michael took you hard and near brutal when he wanted, how he wanted you. Despite this he still had an underlying tenderness. When he slammed you against the wall he cradled the back of your skull in his enormous hand. Instead of just ramming in you he scissored two of his thick fingers inside you to make sure you were relaxed and wet enough to accommodate him. Something that didn’t take very long, especially when he let your hands roam across the expanse of large muscle he procured over the years.

The light pink tip of Michael’s cock was soft and velvety; a stark contrast to the rough edge of, well, everything about him. Surprisingly, Michael wasn’t keen on fucking your throat like he did your pussy. He enjoyed looming over you as you gently sucked on the head while stroking his shaft with both of your hands (there was even room for a third).

Sometimes he even just liked using your mouth to warm his large cock. That’s the only way you could get him to finally lay in bed. Nothing was more comforting for him than resting his cock in your wet mouth while you occasionally swallowed around him to prevent yourself from soaking your sheets in drool.

With his size pain was customary, but it only added to the onslaught of pleasure Michael gave you time after time.

Freddy Krueger:

Height - 5′ 10″ (1.77m)

Body Type - Average

Tip - #E37B6E

Shaft - #FCBCA0

Length - 6.1in (15.49cm)

Girth - 3.9in (9.90cm)

Details - Self-circumcised (iykyk), no hair whatsoever, and similar to the look and texture of the rest of his skin. Details are for his natural state because he can make his dick whatever he wants.

This is what nightmares are made of it, but when it comes to you it is in the most sensual way. Like I said above I put what I think is his “natural dick state”, but Freddy can be as big or small as you want him to be. Want to be fucked by tentacles? He can do that. Want to be fucked by a guy with two dicks? Easy peasy. Want to be fucked by a dick that vibrates? Okay, I think you get the point by now.

If you’re into Freddy you have to be a little bit of a masochist. Those knife fingers aren’t just for display babe. It’s his way to have you marked by him even when you aren’t in the same realm. You either have to bundle yourself up or create lie on top of lie about how you have a really angry cat.

After terrorizing some poor victim, Freddy loved to thoroughly pump the leftover adrenaline into you. This made sleep not fully restful for you. The only time he is soft on you is when you fall asleep during the day. If he is not busy during those times, he will shower you with gentle touches and slow foreplay. Freddy likes to call you his “sleepy kitten”. Which is a nice reprieve from the many other groaned nicknames. Including but not limited to; slut, whore, dripping cunt, dirty little bitch, etc.

Freddy might be a dirty old man, but he is your dirty old man.

Jason Voorhees:

Height - 6′ 5″ (1.95m)

Body Type - Strong

Tip - #AE8071

Shaft - #CDAD90

Length - 7.1in (18.03cm)

Girth - 5.7in (14.47cm)

Details - Uncircumcised, sparse/ patchy hair, and deep purple veins. Tilts slightly down.

Jason is like water in your hands (no pun intended). He was enamored by you the first time he saw you. You were so delicate and soft-spoken and didn’t engage in all the sinful activities everyone around you did. Rarely did his mother approve of anyone, but for the first time Pamela told Jason to go protect the “sweet girl”. Something he couldn’t agree with more.

Although he is the most inexperienced, he is also the most eager. Jason doesn’t fully understand his own arousal, but what he did know was that he wanted to touch you... everywhere. Pure instinct and your encouragement aids him in exploring your joint pleasure.

The last thing Jason wanted to do was hurt you. Unfortunately, he didn’t quite understand his own strength. Anytime you whined out in pain, he would immediately stop and pet your head in a gentle apology. All of Jason’s actions stem from the need to do good. Originally it was just for his mother, but now he wanted to do good for you even more so.

Jason’s cock has a dull hue due to his “reincarnation”, but you don’t mind. More than half of the time he is buried deep inside you anyway. He is so long and wide that its hard to pay attention to anything, but him.

At first Jason comes extremely quickly because the foreign pleasure is too overwhelming for him. Thankfully, he has no problems getting hard again and finishing right where you both left off. Stamina and strength coursed through his vein with an inhuman longevity.

With a little handholding, Jason has the attributes to be the sweetest and most attentive lover.

Jesse Cromeans:

Height - 6′ 7″ (2.00m)

Body Type - Muscular

Tip - #E3A391

Shaft - #EFC2A5

Length - 7.2in (18.28cm)

Girth - 4.5in (11.43cm)

Details - Circumcised, clean-shaven, and rather smooth. Perpetually hard.

Unlike all the other little pigs, Jesse tortures you with pleasure and only a bearable amount of pain. Considering his size, he found it easy to succeed in just that. In tandem with knives, ropes, whips, paddles, toys, and various tools of course.

Not only does the mask stay on during sex, but also the camera. The only eyes who would ever re-watch it though is his. In a way, you’re Jesse’s muse. You inspire his strong ambition and lust for blood. Truly the only woman to spread warmth throughout his body. Well, a warmth that’s not from blood.

I also need to mention that he smells so good. A mix of aftershave, cologne, and a hint of metal is a concoction that calls to your hormones. Masculine, yet sophisticated.

“Perpetually hard” means just that. Jesse is always ready to fuck you. If he isn’t actively doing it he’s either watching one of your shared tapes or thinking about it. The sheer thrill from his kills only adds to this constant flame of desire. Anyone who lengthens how long it will take for him to get back home to you will greatly regret it.

Jesse has the means to give you anything your heart desires. Although all you will be able to think about is his cock and dominating presence over you.

Asa Emory:

Height - 6′ 0″ (1.82m)

Body Type - Lean

Tip - #EDAB90

Shaft - #F8CBB4

Length - 6.9in (17.52cm)

Girth - 4.7in (11.93cm)

Details - Circumcised, clean-shaven, and flushes a hue of red when fully erect. Tilts upwards.

Like the creations he strives to make, Asa’s cock is perfection. Consistently colored with a small hue of red on the tip, soft-skinned, and tilted upwards enough to rub against your most sensitive areas. You would expect nothing less from him though.

This is an extremely dominant and submissive relationship. Although you are his prized creature, nothing is given to you freely. You must earn all his affection and expect to be punished when you act beyond your means. Asa loved how sweet you sounded while begging, but he loved how wobbly you sounded while being reprimanded more.

His cock is also big enough to hurt when he decided you didn’t deserve a gentle touch. However, if you took it like a good girl, he would make sure to soothe your aches and let you have a clean slate the next day.

Since Asa was the only person you interact with, you don’t merely crave his touch; you starve for It. Being a rare bird in a gilded cage made you stir crazy, but the second he spent time with you, all your previous sadness was quickly forgotten.

You may rely on Asa for everything, but no pet could ever compare to you. TLDR; You are a glorified sex slave, but no one in your life has cared for you this extensively.

Norman Nordstrom:

Height - 5′ 10″ (1.77m)

Body Type - Muscular

Tip - #ECA9A1

Shaft - #EEBEA2

Length - 8.4in (21.33cm)

Girth - 5.1in (12.95cm)

Details - Circumcised, hair is trimmed, and has one thick vein on the top side of his shaft that goes from the base all the way to the tip. Tilts upwards, hefty balls.

Norman is a strong force of nature despite his visual impairment. Extraordinarily little would lack in your relationship. He has great spatial awareness and even better hearing. Another bonus was that he loved to constantly be touching you. Norman had a particularly good idea as to what you look like. Not that your looks mattered to him. Your heart was invaluable and to be honest… so is your pussy.

Even though Norman is much older than you, he has no problems getting hard and fucking you properly. And boy his cock was so huge it was easy for him to have you drooling. He is also huge on oral sex; not for him, but for you. Norman made sure you were sufficiently wet for him to fill you with minimal pain. He also only liked coming inside you. Truly the king of breeding kinks.

The mating press will become your go-to position. Not only did it keep his cum inside you the best, but it helped him press into you the deepest. You will eventually learn to have no shame. Norman sure didn’t. I mean his sweatpants left very little doubt that he was constantly horny for you.

Norman will treat you like a princess and protect you like a knight. All he asks for in return is your heart and eventually a child.

Yautja:

Height - 7′ to 8′ (2.13m - 2.43m)

Body Type - Muscular

Tip - #83453D

Shaft - #7F6C41 near the tip and fades to #71653D at the base

Length - 12.4in (31.49cm)

Girth - 6.5in (16.51cm), 7.5in (19.05cm) knot

Details - Nothing to circumcise, no hair, and more details are below. Huge balls.

Did you really expect an 8-foot alien creature with more strength than you could ever dream of possessing to have an averagely large cock? The virility of Yautja males is unmatched by any other species in existence. Your hands will be figuratively and literally full.

Yautjas have their genitals sheathed inside them while they’re not actively mating. Leaving the area of the groin a rough round mound of skin. Due to their frequent hunting and sparring, it protects the sensitive flesh from being harmed.

The reddish-purple-hued tip is pointed and textured by ridges that help your male nuzzle his way deep inside you. Similarly, firm bumps and ridges travel down the widening shaft to aid in the mating process. The even thicker knot at the base of his cock keeps the Yautja snuggly in your depths to lock in all of his seed.

However, with the sheer quantity of hot seed he produces into you, a rush of it always spills out after he pulls out. While growling he will use his thick, rough fingers to coax it back inside you. An act that will never cease to make your face heat into a blush.

You audibly gasped when you first saw your Yautja’s cock in all its unsheathed glory. In contrast, the male trilled at the sight of the soft pink flesh between your legs that was tantalizingly dripping for him. Neither of you had seen the opposite species naked before. Something about the foreignness of it all made you even more worked up.

Mating with a Yautja is difficult at first, but once you finally fit all of him inside you, you’ll crave nothing else.

The amount of calculation and color comparison I did for this is wild. I hope you got a kick out of reading this because I sure did while writing it. Any and all interactions are greatly appreciated <3

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