#and literally complained about me describing pointless things too much (i described the setting as being grey and boring to contrast.)

[snifferz]

no genuinely i fucking quit writing novels bc my english teacher always gave me a grade under everyone else bc the plotline was too complex or it was too much

my writing was decent AT LEAST like i poured my heart out into that shit and it was usually a form of allegory for something that i went through

shoutout to miss ayub /s

[tastyykpop]

𝑆𝑤𝑒𝑒𝑡 𝐶𝑜𝑟𝑟𝑢𝑝𝑡𝑖𝑜𝑛-ρ† 3

Pairings: enemy, barista, student!jaemin x student, barista!reader. 

<previous next>

Warnings: fluff, angst if you squint real hard

Anger and frustration was the only way to describe it. Plus the lingering feeling of humiliation when jaemin didn't give a direct answer. Students eyed the two of you, mostly you for your braveness to even confront the boy which was shocking from their point of view, knowing all too well of your history with each other.

For once though, you've seen jaemin hesitate and stutter with an answer. It was quite something really, and you couldn't believe it.

And it wasnt like it was a yes or no answer, he only blurted out, "W-we have tu-tutor sessions...later...." and walked away after a few seconds of looking at you. God, and everyone was whispering among themselves and friends like it was the hottest topic, which in a strange sense it kind of was.

You dragged yourself back to the table where yeri sat and put your head in your arms.

You felt stupid. This wasn't how you thought your day would go, nor did you think jaemin would say something like that. Instead, you thought jaemin would for sure say yes. The things he said, the way he acted, jaemin couldve passed as your boyfriend and you thought maybe now it was possible.

"Y/n are you okay?" Yeri put a hand on your arm and you shook your head, still buried in your arms.

"I hate him." Your voice came out muffled.

Yeri let out a long sigh, "Its going to be okay. There’s plenty of other guys you'll meet who'll be worth your time." She stopped when you lifted your head. The look on your face was melancholy and red, but she didn't know what she could do about it. "What about that taemin guy? He's pretty cute. And from what you told me, he's super nice." Yeri wiggled her eyebrow suggestively making you groan.

"I don’t want to hurt him." You frowned, not being able to imagine using him as a rebound, "I realized I don’t like him like I thought I did."

"I get it. But don't pain yourself over a boy." She shook her head and let out a quiet chuckle, "especially jaemin."

"But jaemins literally what I want. How am I supposed to ignore that?"

Yeri stuck her bottom lip out in a pout, "Its almost impossible to ignore feelings..." There was a short pause until she started again, "So maybe just...ignore him? I don’t know man, I’m not good at this stuff."

"Yeah no shit," You snorted, "but ignoring him is an option. He gets mad when I do things like that, and ignoring him would get his attention, which means," you took a deep breath and grinned, "I’d get my ass destroyed by him whenever he breaks!"

"That’s literally not at all what I meant by ignoring him."

You sat back in your seat, smiling like a maniac to yourself at the devilish plan that would possibly not end well for you.

"But it could work." You pointed out.

"Could doesn't mean would. You know what, talking to you is like talking to a brick wall." As yeri stood up and gathered her trash, you threw your pile along with hers just to annoy her. "This is why I'm your only friend."

"I thought you were going over jaemins for tutoring?" Jimin asked with a raised brow at your sudden intrusion into the apartment giving him no time to put a shirt on.

"I decided not to go." You shrugged, setting your bag on the floor. In reality, it was just the start of your plan of ignoring jaemin, but you weren't going to tell jimin that.

"Huh?? But you said he was good at trig and you would fail without him." As he tilted his head in confusion, you tried to come up with an excuse.

And not even a second later, an idea popped into your head, "I’m starting to understand it better." It wasn’t far from the truth to be honest, jaemin was doing a very good job at explaining, but in reality, you weren't perfect at all.

"Liar! You suck at trig!"

Your eye twitched, "I understand it slightly better."

"I still don't believe you." Jimin shrugged, "its only been like 2 days."

"I’m a fast learner." You huffed. Sadly your roommate knew you too well for you to lie. It wasn’t surprising anymore that he could point out just one flaw.

"Another lie. Now run along, I’m watching tv." Jimin shoo'ed you away with a hand motion. It took almost all your patience not to say anything in return, but it was pointless now.

Once in your room, you threw yourself onto the bed, not caring enough to close the door as you started changing from school clothes to regular shorts and a tank top.

Now once looking back at it, today was just a weird day. It was quiet in all the classes like someone just flipped a switch and one thing that threw you off the most was that jaemin didn’t ignore you completely like you thought he would, but instead he still helped with the work you were struggling with. Other than that he never talked to you. And it wasn’t like you wanted him to, you actually didn't want him to because of your little plan.

To be expected, you got multiple texts from him wondering where you were and why you weren't at his house and each text got more and more threatening so you just put your phone on silent and decided to take a nap until work. If this is how jaemin acts when you ignore him for barely a day then it should be easier to break him then you thought.

Rolling over in your bed, you closed your eyes, ignoring the aching feeling of anxiousness in your gut and tried to get some sleep. But sleeping was almost impossible. No matter how sleepy you were, or how heavy your eyes were, sleeping just didn't want to come. And you really didn't want to go on your phone because jaemin was calling you and in a matter of time you would probably answer it because you were just a little afraid of him.

Moving out of the bed and getting ready for work was your last option. Though the amount of black pants and white shirts that were lost from your closet made you realize how much you actually worked. The last time you had a day off was during summer vacation with jimin and a few of his friends plus yeri. Its been a while, and you kind of missed the break but you can't complain too much since you're making such good money.

After throwing on the clothes and lacing up your shoes, you left after saying good bye to jimin. Its still early, but you couldn't bring yourself to pass time until work and going there wasn’t as bad as one may think.

After you got in the car, you left the apartment, driving off to the cafe. You blasted some of your music on the way, singing the lyrics loudly since no one was in the car. You gotta say, driving alone is sometimes more fun since you can do stuff like this without people judging you.

Finally at the cafe, Irene happily greeted you, not giving you time to say hi back and started jumping up and down talking about her promotion to manager. She literally looked like she'd explode any minute from too much happiness.

"I get to boss you around even more than I did before." She grinned and you playfully shoved her to get to your station.

"If that’s possible." A little fist punched your shoulder as you laughed, "I’m kidding, I’m kidding."

"Hey, I'm not that bad! But I could be worse if you’d like." You covered your mouth to stifle the laugh that would come out when she sent you a wink.

There were many orders coming up, food, smoothies, coffee, anything. It kept you, irene, and your coworkers in the back completely occupied and busy. Youd even catch yourself drifting off into space because you were working too fast, almost messing some orders up too.

"I can bring this to the customer, go work on the other orders please." Irene rushed away after you smiled and did what she wanted.

Moments passed and after a few more drinks you saw the familiar black haired man walking into the back where you stood making a drink.

Jaemin didn't look all too happy when he saw you, so you tried your best to ignore him, but its not easy to ignore someone who’s been on your mind the whole day and somehow you're just figuring that out now.

He looked nice too, well he always does, but his black hair looked particularly very good. The way it was parted yet still fell over his face on some ends, and the way some parts stuck out just looked pretty on him.

"You’re here early...again." jaemin spoke while looking up at the orders, snapping you out of your thoughts.

"I was kind of bored at home." You muttered, moving as jaemin reached over you for a cup.

"Should’ve came to my house to study, maybe you wouldn't have been so bored." He lifted an eyebrow in your direction almost tauntingly and expecting a snap back but you stayed quiet, keeping it silent for a bit.

Jaemin was doing his order, and you did yours, though it did feel like time was just dragging you slowly through the day because you were so anxious near him. You felt as if he would break if you stepped out of place even just a bit. But wasn’t that your plan in the first place? 

"Why didn't you answer my texts?" Jaemin began and you looked up from the last drink you put in the tray. He had anticipated your answer as you suspired.

"I was sleeping.."It was obvious that you didn’t want to talk as you tried to walk away with the tray in hand followed by jaemin grabbing your shirt and pulling you back, the tray tipping slightly.

"Sleeping? How could you be sleeping when you read my texts? Now why are you lying to me?" Question after question, you tried wiggling out of his strong grasp and rolled your eyes to show you didn’t care. With only so much patience left, jaemin grabbed your hair, bringing your face closer to his. "I asked you a question so i suggest you answer before I spank your ass in front of everyone."

You stopped and nervously looked around the cafe to see if anyone heard him, but luckily for you everyone was minding their own business or not paying attention but still you couldn’t mask your shyness, "Y-you wouldn't do that. You're bluffing." You huffed.

Though you're not much shorter than jaemin, you felt small under his strong gaze, almost weaker near him too.

"Wanna bet?" He questioned and his sincerity was almost scary. You could feel his hand snake a bit too far down your backside and you pushed him off. "Answer me; why are you lying?"

"I don’t know." He slowly let go of your hair and ran his fingers through it. Nervousness fell over you, thinking he'd grab it again.

"You don’t know, huh." Jaemin said softly. You shook your head hoping he'd believe it.

"I-i don’t.."

Jaemin rolled his eyes, "Don’t lie or ignore me again."

"Yeah yeah whatever-" You cried when he grabbed and tugged on your hair again, making your face contort in pain, "Okay! Fine! I wont do any of that again!"

That being said, jaemin let go after giving you that natural look telling you not to push him today, or any day for that matter. "Little bitch." You mumbled.

"Call me that again, I dare you."

It took almost all of your self control to not flip him off.

Lee jeno, the infamous frat boy and fuck boy on campus, was jaemins closest friend. He was gorgeous, kind, and smart, but one thing that set you off about him was he could be quite rude. Just one flaw, and it happened to only be towards you. So you wondered; 'why the hell am I asking lee jeno for help when there's a hundred more men in this school?' Because jeno was jaemins closest friend. Plain and simple. The only thing is, your brilliant plan could fail. Either way it was a fifty-fifty chance.

"Lee jeno!" You called and ran up to the boy, confused as to why you looked happy to see him when you and him don't really like each other. "I have a question."

"I might have an answer." Jeno surprisingly smiled, now you see why people were whipped.

"I want to make jaemin jealous."

He stopped in his tracks and nervously laughed, "Why would you want to do that? Of all things?"

You smiled up at him, "I wanna be a pain in his ass so I have an idea and I need your help." Jeno scratched the back of his head, still not sure where you were headed with this conversation.

"Uhh...okay what is it then?" You happily jumped when jeno gave you the go to ask.

"Can you be my fake boyfriend?"

"You’re who-what!?" Jeno choked trying to find a hint that you were joking and just testing him or something, but you were dead serious and that's what made him scared. "So you’re plan to make jaemin jealous is to date me? Damn that’s kinda smart and bit bitchy."

You frowned, "I just like making him regret certain things and testing his patience is all."

"So a bitch," he shrugged, " but how the hell would this whole thing work? You and I don’t have a really good record with each other and hes well aware of that. Jaemins not dumb." Jeno pointed out as you tilted your head in almost a ‘you’re so stupid’ manner.

“Didn’t you take acting lessons?” There was a slight delay but he nodded nonetheless, “Then just act the part, lee. Its not that hard.” you rolled your eyes with a scoff, jeno playfully slapped your shoulder.

“Its not that simple! Its you for gods sake! How am i supposed to pretend to like you?”

“I dont know, you just do it.” Shrugging off the almost annoyed yet smiling boy, you noticed someone out the corner of your eye; the devil himself. Just staring at the two of you. Surprisingly, jeno took notice of that and grabbed your hand while walking close to you, never letting his smile fall, and walked around the school building to a bench.

"That was smooth." You mumbled earning a laugh from jeno. "See, was that so hard?”

The boy rubbed the back of his neck nervously with an eye smile, “I guess not, but do you really think he’ll fall for it?”

That was a good question and if you sat and thought about it more, you probably would’ve said no, but for some reason you pushed out a yes. Jaemins a jealous and possessive boy, there’s no way this shouldn’t work.

“Hell yeah. Have I ever steered you wrong?”

“Well-”

“Don’t answer that.”

Currently, you and jeno were awkwardly flirting with each other in front of jaemin at the cafe. Light touches and small smiles and giggles was kind of annoying in jaemins eyes. But this was the best plan yet.

After not going to jaemins third tutor session and ignoring multiple other calls because he didn’t bother texting anymore, you were at the cafe on your day off just to piss him off. And for some reason, this was probably the most fun, yet awkward moment in your life.

"Is he still watching?" Jeno whispered as he smiled to make it seem as if he was flirting.

You quickly glanced up and jaemin was indeed still watching, actually glaring, but you couldn't even tell if it was at you or jeno, maybe even both.

"Hes still watching." You turned and grinned at him. "He looks very mad."

"I know something to get him more mad."

"And what would that be?" Raising an eyebrow at him, jeno suddenly grabbed you by your face and kissed your cheek.

"Now look back and tell me if hes still there."

You were shocked but did as he said and sure enough, jaemin was no where to be seen, "Hes gonna kill us..."

"No just you, I’ll be gone by then." He laughed when you sent him a glare. "This was your plan not mine."

"And this will for sure end my life later on," You faced jeno, "When was the last time he was really mad?"

Jeno sat back to think about it and let go of your hand that you forgot he was holding, "He got into a fight with one of our friends just a few months ago. You know donghyuck, right?"

You nodded your head. Of course you knew donghyuck, he was the biggest brat of them all and out of every one of jaemins friends, you got along with him pretty well, turning out to be very good friends. You haven't talked to him in few weeks though, college kind of messed some things up for you guys but you still try to keep in contact as much as possible.

"Well a few months ago jaemin and hyuck got into this huge fight."

"Was it as bad as that time mark and hyuck fought?" You asked and jeno shook his head.

"No it was probably worse. Jaemin was almost in a fist fight with him--actually no I think they did end up physically fighting." Jeno sighed, "Anyways jaemin was super cold to everyone and got into a lot of fights with some other people like me," he giggled at the thought, "It was also around the time he dumped coffee on your head."

Only jeno could bring back that stupid coffee incident and make you remember when you wanted to commit a murder.

"That was one of the worst things hes done to me don’t make me think of that." You whined, throwing your head back, "And hes done a lot of bad things."

Jeno grinned, he was standing next to jaemin at the time laughing at you. In his perspective it was funny, but for you, it was not.

"Not gonna lie it was kind of funny, but I did feel a bit bad."

"Woah. You felt bad for me!? Who the hell are you?" You said dramatically making jeno throw his head back in laughter.

"Someone who actually has remorse," He looked you up and down before starting again, "for some people."

You huffed, "And to think you were becoming nice." Jeno giggled one last time but it quickly faded away when a hand slammed on the table.

Both of you looked up at the boy with jet black hair, he was none too happy with all your laughing and 'flirting', and wanted to interrupt it the best he could.

"Hey jeno," jaemin nodded his head in his friends direction, somehow managing to make his anger dissolve into a real smile.

"Whats up?" Jeno smiled.

You sat back staring at the two, jaemins eyes were locked onto jenos and his hand was still sitting there. They were like statues.

"Oh you know...working and watching you dumbasses flirt." Jaemin painfully grit his teeth, still holding a smile and you tried not to laugh.

Out of all things you found cute, it was jaemins poor attempt at trying not to be angry or jealous. It was like watching a rom-com but in real life.

"Its disgusting." Jaemin mumbled.

He turned towards you, but with no smile like you didn’t deserve one which in this case you was probably true since this was your idea in the first place.

"I've never seen you come here on your day off. Isn't that a bit strange?"

"Jeno wanted something sweet," you lied, "and we have the best sweets. What, can I not come here on my day off?” Man did jaemin find you annoying right now. It was getting to the point that talking to you was becoming a chore. Either he couldn’t talk to you because you ignored him or you started speaking in ways that made his eye twitch.

"You're gonna be in so much trouble later." Jaemin muttered low enough for you to hear. Jeno smirked at jaemins words too, knowing this was working way too well for you. "I should get back to work before irene gets mad and you guys should get going too."

You raised a brow, "And why is that?"

"Jeno always brings his dates home to fuck."

"If you're jealous then just say it." You growled.

Jaemin looked between you and a red faced jeno and snickered, "Im not jealous, I already had my turn." He winked and walked away leaving you and jeno staring at each other with wide eyes.

"I...feel like this didn’t go as we intended.." jeno laughed but with no emotion, almost in a sadistic way.

You puffed out your cheeks, not sure what to do now that jaemin was playing like this too.

"I should bring you back home." He started standing but you grabbed his hand to stop him.

"No wait.” He looked down at you, “Isn't there a party later?"

"Yeah?" jeno tilted his head, wondering why you’re asking this question when you never go to any of the frat party’s.

"Lucas is throwing it right?" Jeno nodded his head and you perked up, "Can we go?"

It was a strange request, you never wanted to go to any parties because you worked and studied whenever you felt the need to, so parties were never on your mind. But right now, you felt that a party is what you need. You've never been but it can't be that bad if you're with someone. And you even know the host so there should be other people you know too. It would be fun anyway.

"If you really want to, but you might lose me at some point."

"That’s okay," your face said otherwise, "I’ll try to find someone I know." It wasn’t likely that you would, but you knew that the main people who were going to go was hyuck and lucas. There was also jaehyun and johnny, the only thing was you didn’t know them as well as hyuck or lucas and ever talked to them a few times. They were nice, but you probably wouldn't go up to them and strike up a conversation.

"Alright then let's go, the party’s gonna start in like two hours. And seeing how long it took you just to get ready for this stupid date, you’re probably gonna need it." Jeno pulled you up by the hand that stopped him before, and you both walked out of the cafe.

You got into jenos car and put on your seat belt waiting patiently for him to drive off. The only problem was that he was busy on his phone, trying to find music to play.

"Don’t look at me like that." Jeno did a double take at your unamused face that clearly stated you wanted to leave so you can get ready for the party.

"Then pick a damn song and let's go." You smacked his thigh repeatedly causing him to groan and put his playlist on shuffle, driving off after hitting play. "See, that wasn’t so hard now was it?"

"Your’e annoying. I cant believe i even said yes to this fake dating thing. Now I see why jaemin didn’t respond."

"Hey that's not very nice," you pouted, "and don't make me think of that for God sake, its depressing."

"Good now shut up and let me drive." And so you did, letting just the music and jenos quiet singing be the only thing playing in your ears.

It was a quick ride anyway from your job to the apartment, jimin was doing his normal thing which was sitting on the couch shirtless and watching dramas. The little up and down he gave jeno wasn't unseen by you either, but you never commented as you walked by with a smirk.

Jeno was close behind you too almost like a lost puppy. He even sat on your bed and watched you apply a bit of make up for the party and lazily lounged about as you picked an outfit, not sure whether to go with an innocent pink flowy skirt, or black ripped jeans.

"I like the skirt better," jeno hoisted himself on the bed, "it gives me better access-"

"Don’t even think about it!" You whipped a pillow straight to his head, he wasn’t quick to dodge as it hit him perfectly where you wanted it to, "I’m about to choose the jeans."

The boy tilted his head as he pouted at the two choices in your hand, Jeno preferred the innocent look on women but this wasn’t for him--in fact it wasn’t for anyone except yourself, but he couldn’t stop from staring at the pretty baby pink skirt.

"How about you try them on and pick which one you think looks better on you." He smiled that eye smile of his after having a little war with himself.

You nodded your head and rushed to the bathroom to throw on one of the bottoms first.

Once you came back, you stood in front of jeno with the jeans on and checked yourself out in the mirror. It hugged your waist sweetly and complimented your legs well, but you didn’t think this was going to be the winner out of the two.

"Okay maybe a skirt would look better." You whispered loud enough for jeno to hear.

"Told you! Skirts suit you better anyways." Jeno sat against the headboard in victory as you went back to change into a skirt. The only thing left was a top, but jeno seemed to already have that covered when he threw a white laced bralette at your face. "This is cute." He made heart eyes at the bralette you held up.

"It is but don't you think it would show too much?" You questioned, though you couldn’t lie that you were a bit tempted to wear it though it did cut a bit low.

"Dude its fine, a lot of other girls wear way worse stuff than what I just gave you."

You decided to trust jenos words, and left to put on the shirt. Unsurprisingly it looked amazing with the skirt and your beautiful skin. So maybe jeno was good at picking clothes out, but you wouldn't tell him that.

After doing any last few touches you had, you and jeno left after saying goodbye to jimin, who was still checking jeno out, and left for the party.

"You’re not gonna change?" You wondered as you sat in the car.

Jeno shrugged and smiled, "I’m a guy so I don't care what I wear."

"Thats cap."

Jeno rolled his eyes and began driving to the destination. Sometime during the ride you snatched his phone to find a good song to play, ignoring the boy who whined as you took it from him.

After finding a song and placing the phone back down, you carelessly started belching the lyrics out to purposely irritate jeno who was struggling to not pull the car over and leave.

"Y/n, who sings this song?"

"Michael Jackson, why?"

"Please keep it that way."

"I-"

"And we are here!!" Jeno slammed on his breaks and peacefully left the car as if he didn’t just insult your singing. You got out, a bit intimidated by the crowd of people standing outside dancing with drinks in hand while others smoked. Girls all in tight shirts that hugged them perfectly or the shorts that made their ass pop almost literally. Boys being boys by taking shots or chugging their beer in competitions. This was all new to you and somehow you found yourself clinging onto jenos arm like a little girl.

"Is it always this crowded?" You looked up waiting for his answer.

"Yeah but that's because it's lucas' party. He always knows how to bring people in," he looked around at some of the unfamiliar faces that were chilling by the entrance, "c’mon let's go inside."

Jeno dragged you in like you were the lightest thing and passed you a cup once at a table filled with drinks.

"Want something. Maybe a shot?" Jeno winked as you scoffed.

You looked between the variety of drinks, they were all too strong or too bitter for your liking because of your lack of drinking so it only made your face scrunch, "These are all disgusting."

"Oh come on! Don't tell me you're a light weight!" Jeno complained but needless to say he still grabbed your cup, barely filling it with some alcohol and handed it back.

You looked at the somewhat dark liquid and sniffed it. Not the sweetest scent, but it is what it is. Tilting your head back, you drank the small amount that jeno gave you and he watched with wide eyes as you coughed at the intense flavor. Something like a mix of cinnamon.

"...you just drank fireball.." jeno mumbled but you were still focused on the burning sensation in the back of your throat. It definitely isn’t a smooth drink and its fairly strong, something you can't take, but you shook the cup in his face for more, "Are you trying to get wasted?"

"Well we are at a party-"

"Y/NNN!!!!" A voice interrupted the conversation and you both turned to see none other than lucas himself running towards you with wide arms, two cups in hand, and a huge smile on his face. "I haven't seen you in so long!!" Lucas engulfed you in a bear crushing hug making jeno laugh behind you.

"You saw me last week." You said in his chest, still being crushed by the giant.

"That’s a long time for some people, be considerate man." Lucas let go, drinking out of the cup in his right hand. "So what brought you here? You never come to parties."

"I asked jeno-"

Lucas spat out his drink, "Jeno!?" He looked behind you to jeno smiling and waving at him. "I think i drank too much cuz im seeing shit." He stared into his drink.

Jeno chuckled and took the other drink out of lucas' hand, "You aren't seeing things." He started drinking from the cup and Lucas frowned watching the younger. "She just wanted to come with me for some reason."

Lucas looked at you and you nodded back, "Then now that you're here, get drunk so we can play games."

"More fireball?" Jeno lifted the bottle up and Lucas nodded.

"More fireball."

You shouldn't have taken more than 2 shots of fireball. It was impossible for you to think straight, in fact, you found yourself sitting on jenos lap with him being equally as drunk, well, maybe not as bad but still pretty hammered. 

There were even times where you both would start flirting with no context. From someone else's point of view, it was probably funny, but to you and him, it was like you wanted to get into each others pants.

"Look," jeno lazily pointed over to the entrance where seulgi walked in with jaemin close behind. "I have a plan if you wanna do it."

"Hmm," you frowned at the two, jaemin was smiling at seulgi who was talking his ear off and giving him subtle flirtatious hints while she walked to the drink table, "Sure what is it?"

Smirking, jeno moved his hand lower on your waist, "Promise you won't kill me after this?"

"Depends on what you're gonna do."

Jeno reached to take a sip of beer, knowing that after this night he'd be throwing up from all the drinking, "Ill do it when he looks over."

A drunken pout sat on your face as you were so curious to know what he had in mind, but jeno still grinned at your behavior, rubbing up and down on your waist.

What shocked you the most was when jeno suddenly put his lips on yours. You've figured out by now that this was his plan so you didn't push him off.

Though you couldn't see it, jenos was staring into jaemins eyes as he smirked against your lips. It was like he beat jaemin at something and came up to the top for once. But you were too focused in making out with jeno to even notice the burning eyes in your back, watching as jeno gripped your hips and kissed you back hungrily like a devil. He tasted like alcohol and you couldn't say you were any sweeter, but maybe it was the intoxication that made you start to enjoy this moment a little more than you should’ve.

"W-what the hell...?" Jeno pulled back hesitantly looking behind you. Trying to look back, jeno took you by the face making you look at him, "Please only look at me."

"Whyyyy?" You leaned into his hand and jeno almost softened up but clenched his jaw in return.

"Drink some water." He changed the subject, handing you his bottle of water that he kept with him the entire time for whenever any of you needed it, and right now seemed like the time.

You swatted his hand away, almost spilling the water and started, "But I wanna look."

"Unless you want to see jaemin shoving his tongue down seulgis throat, I suggest you don’t."

"Hes what!??"

Jeno giggled like a little school girl probably from your furious face, "Its what you get, so don't even get mad when you do the same thing."

"But you’re the one who kissed me first, I only went along with it." Your growled and took a heavy chug from the water you pushed away. "I’m mad at you."

"Should’ve pushed me off."

"I figured you did it for a reason."

"Then don’t get mad."

"I- you- I'm gonna be mad!!"

Jeno rubbed his temples like you were the most infuriating thing known to man. He doesn't know how jaemin could put up with you and hes amazed how far he got with your antics. It was ticking him off but he didn't want to just drop you now, it was still somewhat fun.

"We should go dance." You looked towards the many groups of sweaty people grinding on each other, having a good time enjoying the party. You sighed, it would be fun you thought. 

Jeno perked up at your sudden mood change noticing how you weren't in the slightest mad anymore, now registering that you have mood swings when you're drunk or tipsy.

"I don’t dance."

"Don’t lie! You're literally a dancer, c’mon!" You got up off his lap and hoisted him up, bringing him to the dance floor. He placed his hands on your hips as you moved against him, just letting the music flow through you and let your body move on its own.

You didn’t actually care if jaemin saw you grinding on his best friend because right now, you were actually having fun. Maybe it was because you were wasted or maybe it was because of the excitement and happiness here that made you love it so much. Either way, you found joy just dancing with jeno.

"Isn't this fun?" You moved your head to smirk at him, but jeno seemed a bit uncomfortable.

"Maybe if you weren't grinding on me, I'd say yes, but right now it's a hard no."

You knew what he meant and that’s why you pushed back a bit. Stopping when he gripped your hips in a way that hurt a bit.

"Stop it y/n." He whispered in your ear.

You whined and said, "Make me." Jeno stood back, not sure what to do right now. He may be a fuck boy but he has boundaries. Plus you’re drunk and don’t know what you’re saying.

"We should go home."

"But I wanna dance and have fun with you!!" You voice came out slurred and jeno automatically took another step back.

"Not gonna happen, you’re wasted." Grabbing your hand, he walked towards the front door so he could bring you home, but of course this would be the perfect time for jaemin to stop him.

"Whats wrong with her?" His voice was laced with concern seeing your current state; droopy eyes, and a way too happy smile.

"Shes drunk so I’m taking her back home." Jeno tried walking passed but jaemin stopped him again. If jeno wasn’t as drunk or tispy, jaemin probably would’ve let him bring you back, but jaemin couldn’t be so sure and wanted you safe. Plus, he may or may not be a bit mad at jeno.

"No stay, I can bring her back." Jaemin pushed, not because he wanted to show you discipline for the last few days, but because he was genuinely worried for your current state.

"What about seulgi?"

Jaemin looked back at the girl who was now talking with some of her friends, clearly not paying attention or taking notice of his disappearance. "She'll be fine." He brushed it off, "Lemme take y/n."

It took a few seconds for jeno to let go of your hand and stand back for jaemin to take you before you fell over. But he was so gentle with you, and because of that jeno was sure jaemin wouldn’t do anything bad to you.

"Be careful." Jeno said, jaemin nodded back and walked away with you slightly stumbling down the stairs just after he said that.

You started giggling at yourself while jaemin was actually struggling to keep you up. Somehow though, he made it to the car before you tripped and out your seat belt on before climbing in the drivers seat.

"Nana, where are we going?" You slurred.

Jaemin smiled at the little nickname you never used, "To my house if that’s fine with you."

"Your house is nice." Leaning against the window, you rested your head as you started zoning out.

Jaemin didn't mind though, he wanted you to get some rest, at least before he got to his house so he could put you to bed. But it wasn't like you'd sleep for long because the drive was only 5 minutes. 

When jaemin started carrying you out, that was when you started putting up a fight. Not only was jaemin try his best to not get angry, but he also tried to reason with himself when you started whining and pushing him away. Either sweet talk or show who's in charge.

"Y/n please cut it out, I’m just bringing you to my room." Jaemin groaned, struggling to keep you still in his arms.

"But I wanna walk."

"You can barely walk right now."

You didn’t care and continued moving around and kicking his arms away trying to get him to put you down, but just like you--he was stubborn and he carried you the whole way to his bed.

Softly putting you down, he went to grab some clothes for you. When he came back you already discarded your skirt and were about to take your bralette off until jaemin stopped you.

"What are you doing?" He pulled your hand away from the strap.

"I wanna play with you."

Jaemin shook his head at your sad face and pulled your body closer to his so he could start getting you changed, "Its almost 3am and you're drunk." but you whined once he rejected you.

“So what? Im still giving you my consent anyway.” You said, smiling at him as he took your top off, quickly putting a shirt on to cover you up. He wondered how you could wear such a tight top without feeling uncomfortable.

“You're not giving me full consent, y/n. I’m not gonna take advantage of you.” He stepped away after dressing you. Jaemin had only put a shirt on you and just left you in your underwear since it seemed the most comfortable. 

Jaemin changed too, only wearing sweatpants and no shirt because he was most comfortable that way himself, and crawled into bed with you. Somehow you found yourself already snuggled into his chest, breathing in his delicious cologne.

“Goodnight nana.” you mumbled into his chest.

“Goodnight princess,” jaemin hesitated for a second before speaking again, “nana loves you.”

You woke up to a painful headache and an empty bed. You knew where you were at least, but didn’t know how you got here. The last think you remembered was sitting with lucas, jeno and some other people playing a game of beer pong. That was probably when you got hammered, but why where you at jaemins house?

As much as you wanted to sit up and go find jaemin, your headache is what kept you in bed.

“Jaemin!!” You screamed, the sound of feet came running up the stairs.

“What is it? Are you okay? Do you need water? Medicine?” Question after question and jaemin seemed worried at your distressed state.

“Medicine and water would be nice actually.” You murmured and jaemin was already on his way to get what you needed.

Jaemin handed you two pills and a glass of ice water. You thanked him and took them, swallowing both the pills and the water at the same time.

“Do you need anything else?” His face still held concern and you almost wondered why he wasn’t mad at you like he had been for the past few days. Though you easily brushed it off as a sign that maybe he let you off the hook.

“No I’m good now.” You shook your head causing jaemin to sigh in relief and fall on the bed next to you. He gave you space, letting you cuddle and wrap yourself up in his blankets assuming that you were trying to find ways to get comfortable enough to fall asleep. And as much as he wanted to hold you, he was almost too scared to. It was funny really. Jaemin; the most out-going yet introverted person ever, was too scared to touch you right now.

Maybe it was his feelings getting the best of him or maybe he was too scared to finally fall in love with someone hes afraid of hurting in the end.

[wesavegotham]

So don’t hate me but I’m kinda liking damian’s animated versions better than his comic one I really like his comic one but after all the shit happening where he has been nerfed nonstop getting beat by Thomas Wayne Batman, the teen titans red hood (although Jason attacked from behind like a bitch) and now flatline beating him. Not to mention Bruce not being a father and Damian now Being blamed for everything when they all have no room to talk. God I was satisfied when his old team died in future.

This is going to be a really long post, my apologies in advance.

I absolutely get where you’re coming from. I personally still like comic Damian more because I feel like there is more nuance and layers to him compared to the animated universe Damian, but that is simply the fault of the limited time they could spent on him in the movies.

Movie!Damian certainly wins more fights than comic!Damian and was never regressed in any way that is comparable to the shitshow that was Teen Titans (2016).

You’re adressing a problem I have with comic!Damian too right now, a problem that I’ve already talked about with some people here on tumblr in private. Which is that for all the talk about what Damian can do the comics have rarely shown all those skills Damian should have being used in the actual story in recent years and that is frustrating. I find Damian’s arrogance interesting as long as I feel like he can at least back it up in some way, but in recent time he comes off as just an idiot because he has done almost nothing but fail and lose and the writers still have him act like he’s the greatest. But it doesn’t feel like he can back up his confidence anymore. At all.

If I had to name a skill that differentiates Damian from the other Robins right now then I could only list his skill to hide from Batman and that is a skill he only has for plot convenience. We don’t see him do anything to cover his tracks, we are only told that he somehow did it. And I’m pretty sure that the second this skill stops being convenient for the story it will vanish once again. It will probably end like it did with Jon, where Damian somehow hid so well that Jon said they would never find him in Teen Titans, when they wanted an excuse for Jon to not get involved with his friend’s fall into darkness, but now that DC wanted them to interact again all of that is forgotten and Jon has no problems finding Damian.

Damian is not the most social Robin, nor the most intelligent one and considering how he seemed to lose against everything and everyone in recent years I can’t say with a straight face that he’s the best at fighting or the most skilled. And that IS a problem. Damian will never be known for his social skills or his detective skills, those niches are already taken by Dick and Tim, but in theory he should be a great fighter or a highly skilled person. Damian has sacrificed his entire life for training, both in the league of assassins and during his time with the batfamily. But if Damian sucks at fighting (as in: he loses a lot more than he wins) and his skills play no significant role in advancing the plot, then what is the point of his character? Great, he’s good at drawing and likes manga now, but how will that help with a fighting tournament? Or with solving the mystery behind the league of lazarus? A protagonist is usually supposed to be able to change the situation he is in, that is why he’s the protagonist and not someone else. So what makes Damian so unique that only  he can solve the situation he finds himself in during Robin and not someone like Conner Hawke? Or what makes him unique in the batfamily? I hope Robin adresses that soon. 

Of course now one could say “He still has an unique position as Bruce’s biological child”, but that also was completely irrelevant in recent years. For all the moments since the start of Rebirth that had batfam-fans complaining that Damian was favored by DC because of his status as the only biological child of Bruce, there were actually very few interactions between the two. Stuff like Bruce talking about Damian or saying that he loves him was primarily found in scenes in which Damian was not present. Or it came way too late, like in Teen Titans (and Bruce refusing to hit Damian in the face because he is his child sets such a low bar, I refuse to acknowledge that as a sign of love)

If you look at how Bruce actually treats Damian or describes him then there is little love there. He ignored his 13th birthday, did nothing when Damian left him after the events of Justice League: No Justice, it had no impact on the Batman books at all, Bruce only called Damian for missions like two times, once in City of Bane (which was just so shitty, as I already explained in a previous post) and a second time in Detective Comics #1017 (He sent Damian to find a missing kid in a snow storm, while he dealt with something else), refused to comfort him at Alfred’s wake and when Bruce reflects on what happened in Teen Titans he blames most of it on Damian’s personality, both in Detective Comics #1030 and in Robin #1, and both times there is nobody questioning Bruce’s asessment. He really doesn’t have anything nice to say about Damian and apparently we are not supposed to disagree with him. So in summary: Damian seems to have no skills that make him indispensable for the batfamily, Bruce seems to have a very low opinion of Damian’s character and now that they have decided to give us Bruce searching for Damian the only reason for that seems to be that Bruce suddenly feels responsible for his child, even though that should have already been the case when Damian seperated from him in 2018 or at least directly after the second Teen Titans annual.

Even the kinda nice things Bruce says about Damian in Robin #1 can be called into question if you think about them. He says he has no doubt that Damian can take care of himself...and then we see Damian getting his heart ripped out at the end of the very same issue. Of course we know that Damian’s story doesn’t end there, so I won’t judge this too harshly yet, but to me this didn’t come off as Damian being able to take care of himself.

And I get letting Damian lose at the start of the tournament to establish Flatline as a threat and to make it clear that this tournament is not a game. I also get that Damian’s fight against King Snake was supposed to make sure that we still think of Damian as competent even though he loses later on. But at least for me, winning against King Snake was not cool or badass enough to make up for the fact that Damian was easily killed, in front of everyone, by a literal nobody like Flatline. King Snake is an old, blind guy, that didn’t show up in any DC comic I read since I started in 2018 and that was apparently beaten by Tim in his solo comic when he was 14 back in the 90s. Sorry, but that just isn’t impressive enough for me, especially since I’ve seen Damian lose so much in recent years. It doesn’t establish Flatline as a badass, it just makes me think that Damian is not that great of a fighter and shouldn’t be in this tournament.

I have some more thoughts on the tournament that make me wish that the arc will start being less about winning the tournament itself and more about something like taking down the league of lazarus soon (mainly the fact that a fight about being the best fighter is useless if the big guns are not taking part, the fact that you can only win by killing your oponent, which should be a problem for Damian and how nothing we know about the rewards for winning, becoming part of the league of lazarus und apparently immortality, is desirable for Damian), but this answer is already too long.

I’m going to be honest an admit that I did not like the ending of Robin #1 at all and that I hope that Williamson will show Damian being competent really soon because I’m not here for another pointless arc about Damian learning humility. I want to see Damian win for once, you know, like other protagonist usually do at the end of an arc and if Damian can’t even win or tell us what’s going on with him from his point of view in a book about him then I’m probably going to feel very disappointed by this book.

[writings-in-ebony]

Extended Vacation

Summary: Steve decides to go on a cross-country trip to visit various VA hospitals. But his plans get altered when Tony decides he needs a personal assistant to help him on his journey: you. Steve reluctantly agrees and you both embark on your journey. But as you both travel, you decide to show Steve the beauties of the modern world and teach him that it is okay to let loose sometimes. However, what will happen when you guide Steve into more intimate territory and the lines of professionalism start to blur?

Author’s note: Hello everyone! A prompt was created by @sugarthicc​ and she gave me permission to write this. I hope it reads well! Thanks again!

Prompt: Have reader have a personality like Meg the Stallion. 

Additions include Steve is a hero and Reader is a personal assistant. And eventually Steve must get pegged (with help from @plussizeappreciationfics​ and @ctrlszn​) LOL

Word Count: 2442

Warnings: Bad language 

Chapter 1

Ever since the new Avengers training facility was announced, new and potential heroes have flocked to train and hone their skills and abilities. However, as the facility was filled with heroes, there was also a call for more staff and administration positions. To accommodate the need of positions, Tony ended up hiring a hundred more non-powered individuals to handle the backbone of the company.  So, it didn’t come to a shock when Steve was walking to the mess hall and came in contact with a large group of about twenty individuals who were being given a tour of the facility.

Pepper, who was giving the tour, spotted Steve and gave him a professional smile which he quickly returned. But even though he wanted to ease around the group and not disturb their tour, he was halted as one of the students caught sight of him and gasped, “Captain! It’s Captain America!” The rest of the students turned and cried out in varying degrees of excitement. Some even whipped out their phones and aimed it at him, already taking pictures before the man could sneak in a word. Pepper tried to calm them down, but he knew it was pointless. Most of them have seen their hero and it would take only Steve giving them what they want, for them to back down.

“Hello everyone,” he began, waving awkwardly. “I know this is a surprise, but I just want to congratulate you all on getting this position.” Their smiles brightened as if a compliment from Captain America was worth its weight in gold.

“However, I just want you to know that this position comes with a large amount of privacy and class. Most of the heroes here are not used to the limelight yet and will not appreciate being treated like an exhibit. So please, ask before you go taking photos of everyone otherwise, you’ll be receiving a not too nice call from our vast legal team.”

Steve hated to be such a “dad”, as Clint and Tony loved to call him, but he honestly was trying to protect the mental health of Bucky and Wanda, who were so sensitive about being in the public eye. Both were made out to be willing killers and were unfairly castrated by the press and the public. They did not need some new employees all in their business, following them like they were on a reality show.

Even though some of the new people nodded and agreed by putting up their phones, a scoff was heard towards the back of the group. Everyone’s eyes turned towards the source and they saw it was a dark-haired man donning a white shirt and a crooked black tie. He was rolling his green eyes and crossed his lean arms over his chest. “Didn’t expect to get a lecture when I got here,” he scoffed. Captain felt his stare harden and he was about to set the boy straight, but he was interrupted by another person in the back.

“You know, Donny, for a man who can’t even fix his tie, you have a lot of nerve talking to someone as badass as Steve Rogers that way.” Heads turned again and revealed a woman who Steve would describe as beautiful in every sense of the word. She wore a form-fitting royal blue dress, its collar sloping down to reveal her ample cleavage. Her height was amplified by golden heels and Steve didn’t want to admit that his eyes were drawn over every curve she possessed. He didn’t know why he was transfixed. Maybe it was her rich chocolate skin or the sensual but neutral application of her makeup. He didn’t know, but his staring almost prevented him from listening to the exchange continue.

“You’re telling me, you want to listen to this fossil scold us for taking a few pictures? I mean, they are heroes. They should be used to the spotlight and they signed up for this life,” Donny growled back.

“Firstly, that fossil can simultaneously kick your ass and steal your girl faster than you can blink, so I would stop insulting him if I were you. And secondly, these people might be heroes, but they go through so much traumatic shit that will literally make someone as weak-minded as you are, discharge because your mental state will be shot. So, you take that and add the constant opinions from judgmental assholes like you. It’ll drive anyone up the wall. This is their safe place, man. They come here to be around people like them. Not satisfy your need to take a picture of them taking a shit.” She spoke with such confidence, her voice calm, yet cool. Obviously, she and Donny have clashed before and Steve wondered what their history was.

Some people nodded and agreed, causing Donny to huff and admit his defeat for the time being. Pepper, who was watching the exchange with a sly expression of amusement, clapped her hands twice and told the group it was time to continue their tour. The group turned from Steve and proceeded to walk down the hallway. When Steve caught sight of the woman who had basically defended him, she had turned and aimed a wink in his direction.

 ~~

 Later that day, Steve was in his office. He honestly didn’t know why he had the thing since he was never in there. It was too big, with its eleven-foot-tall ceilings and wall of windows which overlooked the lake. At first, the office was designed to Tony’s taste. Equipped with white seating, a glass and iron desk, and random pieces of art dotting the walls. But after much complaining, he exchanged the white seating with deep brown leather sofas. They were very comfortable, and he decided to put them beside the large bookcase he had found. The bookcase wasn’t actually filled with random books either. He had read almost all of them and was continuing to build his collection.  On the floor between the couches, he had placed a nice, thick tan rug there. Just to make the space even more homely. Tony had mentioned an electric fireplace, but he was still looking into that. His desk was replaced with a large, wooden one. It was grand with its beautiful carved out edges and dark mahogany coloring. On the side where he sat, there were six drawers and two secret compartments. He has yet to use the secret compartments for anything, but Tony joked that he could store his old Playboy magazines in there. That earned a dry laugh since Steve didn’t own such magazines. And if he did, he wouldn’t store it in his desk. He’d store them in the safe in his room’s closet.

And lastly, he had kindly asked Pepper to take away some of the artwork that was in the room. It was too modern, full of useless colorings and dots. Every time he glanced at one, it made him realize he wasn’t from this time. So, he replaced them with his own drawings and pictures of his family and friends. Yes, he had pictures of the Avengers up there, but he also had drawings of his old Brooklyn home and the Howling Commandos. It made him sad, yes, but he enjoyed looking at what he had versus where he was now.

After redecorating his entire office, Steve still didn’t spend a lot of time here. Mostly he came for the quiet, reading time or to fill out the large stack of paperwork that seemed to crop up after every mission. The latter being why he was in here now. He signed yet another incident account, this time from Sam’s perspective, and laid it over in his completion pile. He was moving onto Tony’s when he got a knock at his door.

“Come in!” he called, not looking up as he continued reading.

“Hey Steve!” It was Tony.

“You came at the right time. You know in your incident report, you didn’t have to write, ‘Ivan Vanko, aka Whiplash, should worry more about fixing his teeth and getting laid, than trying to get back at me for something that happened fifty years ago.’ Really?” Steve finally looked up, aiming a look of disbelief at Tony. What he didn’t expect to see was the girl from before, standing there trying to hide her giggle by biting her lips.

Tony let out a chuckle and shrugged. “What? Am I wrong?”

“I have to sign off on these and send them to Fury,” Steve glared.

“I mean, he’ll know who wrote it anyway. It’ll be fine!” Tony tried to reassure him, but Steve let out an exasperated sigh anyway. “But let’s get away from that and get onto the surprise I have for you!”

“Surprise?” He looked between Tony and the woman.

“Yes! I decided to hire you a personal assistant!” He aimed his hands at the woman, and she gave a small welcoming smile to Steve. Steve’s mouth opened slightly, taken aback by the declaration. What did he need a personal assistant for?

“Before you say anything, I know you’re wondering why you need a personal assistant? Well, Fury told me that you’re going to be taking some time to go around the country and do a few public relations things and I was like, by himself? Well, it’s hard to do a cross country tour and then think about hotels, restaurants, and if you have time to take a break to pee. So, having a personal assistant will alleviate that stress!” Steve could feel his frustration rising. For one thing, he told Fury to keep his leaving to himself as he wanted to drop the news to the team on his own. And secondly, he was only going to go to a few VA hospitals and then dedicate his time to seeing the sights. Which he couldn’t do if he had another person trailing behind him like a baby duck.

“While I appreciate the offer, Tony. I have to refuse.” Tony’s happy expression deflated, and Steve hated that he had to shut his friend down like that.

“But Steve! You just can’t hop on a bike and go around willy nilly! What if something happens to you? Not everyone in the country looks up to the mighty Captain America,” Tony argued.

“You don’t think I know that? That’s why I’ve been growing out my beard and limiting my public appearances. I want to go into this with a clean slate. And I have done research, thank you!” Before Tony could shoot back, the young woman raised her hand.

“May I say something?” Both men aimed looks at her. “Mr. Rogers, I know you are used to handling your way around things with a big stick and instincts, which is not bad in most cases, but you are a national icon going around the country without any knowledge of what to expect. Now, I know you might think Tony is pushing me onto you, which you might see me as a hinderance to your freedom and time off, but I’m not here for that. I’m here to make sure you are not caught in any dire situations and that you are prepared for anything that might spring up.” Steve was about to argue, but she raised a hand to shut him up. “And I know you don’t want to have me following you around and asking constant questions, which is why, if you will approve, I won’t be traveling alongside you. Instead, I’ll make sure to loosely follow you and only accompany you during your VA visits.” Steve’s eyes widened.

“What do you mean,” Tony asked, crossing his arms.

“I will follow Mr. Rogers a few miles back as we travel to our destinations. As for room accommodations, I’ll make sure to book the hotel rooms the day before we are set to arrive and send the new address to Mr. Rogers as soon as he wakes up so that when he is ready to leave, he can immediately go to the new location. On days where we are visiting the VA, I’ll ensure he gets up in a timely manner, eats, and we arrive there on time.” She was very thorough, Steve had to admit. And he grew a little irritated by the smug look she aimed at him. Yeah, she had won this time.

“Fine,” he spat, slapping his pen down. He looked down at the stack of papers to keep from looking at the looks the woman and Tony were probably exchanging. “I’ll do it, but if you overcrowd me, you’ll be sent back here faster than you can say ‘Golly’.”

“Who says golly?” she shot back. Tony let out a hearty laugh.

“I love this woman. This is going to be too good. Well, I gotta leave and prepare your desk and computer,” Tony told the woman as he scurried off towards who knows where.

This left Steve and his newfound personal assistant alone and he would be lying if he said the atmosphere wasn’t awkward. But as the woman took her chance to look around the room, Steve decided to continue looking over the reports. She made her way over to his bookshelf and took in the titles, letting out small sounds of both curiosity and satisfaction. What did she think of his collection? Probably that he was an old-fashioned grump. But as soon as the thought crossed his mind, he was reminded of the exchange earlier. So, he stopped writing and cleared his throat.

“I just wanted to uh, let you know I appreciate what you said earlier. You are understanding of how we don’t like to be seen as…as…” he couldn’t finish the sentence. He tried to finish, but he couldn’t.

“I understand,” came her voice. She was smiling at him, knowing what he was trying to say, and he was thankful again for it.

“I also didn’t catch your name,” he added. She gave it to him, and he knew he’d never forget it. “Thank you. And you can call me Steve. If you’re going to be around me for this next month and a half, you don’t have to call me Mr. Rogers.”

“Alright, Steve,” she purred and turned back towards the bookshelf. Steve tried to go back to finishing his reports, but it was fruitless. He couldn’t get over the way her lips curved and purred out his name, and he was fearful of it. This woman, who he barely knew, was doing something to him and he had to deal with it, alone, as they crossed the country. He felt like he was royally fucked.

[fangirlinglikeabus]

i read some non vna dw books a while ago but because i am a Clown i’ve only just finished typing up notes on them...i think my next dw book i’ll make notes as i go rather than just marking the pages and Hoping I Remember. anyway! here’s my thoughts on thirteen doctors 13 stories. i have more opinions on some than others. 

A BIG HAND FOR THE DOCTOR

"...Susan, who was possibly the only person in the universe who could make the Doctor smile at the mere thought of her."

awwwwww

didn't really like this one that much - i wasn't too impressed with eoin colfer's characterisation of the first doctor (esp since pre-ian and barbara i don’t think he’d willingly attempt to stop some villains until susan was in danger)

THE NAMELESS CITY

Polly...once described him as looking like an unmade bed.

lmao

...he didn't know exactly what he was, though when he was growing up, he had heard tales of the legendary fairy creatures of the Unseelie Court who haunted Scotland's deepest valleys. He suspected the Doctor might be one of the dark Sith.

HEAVILY vibe with this concept the world is saved by bagpipes.......peak dw THE SPEAR OF DESTINY

"You know what I love about London?" he said, turning to her briefly. She sighed. "I'm sure I can't guess." "It's the only city in the universe where you can drive around in a car that's seventy years old and get away with it." "Who says you're getting away with it?" Jo muttered. 

nkdfsjksn

"Fire away!"

"Oh, Doctor, please. Not after that business at the museum."

no doctor is immune to the temptation of a good pun. no matter how inappropriate. actually i really like how jo and three are written in this generally. there's so many good scenes. also, when the doctor asks her why she doesn't know anything about the vikings: "Doctor, we did the Romans. Every year." rip jo

From a distance the Doctor watched as a group of about twenty men loaded the TARDIS on to the back of a large low wagon pulled by four sturdy oxen.

jo: the doctor told me about the perception filter on the tardis so it'll be fine! they won't even spot it. literally the next scene, immediately:

She longed to stand and give this old goat a piece of her mind, but she knew she'd most likely fall over if she tried, which wasn't the effect she was after.

aw jo :(

"Do you know they wash once a week?" "Could have fooled me," muttered Jo.

*desperately resists the urge to write down every jo line in this story*

"I have the ship. And I have the spear. What need have I of you any more?"

the master is betrayed. to the surprise of no-one but himself.

The Doctor held her by the shoulders. "My dear girl," he said. "That is very noble of you. You were right. Your aspirations /are/ the very noblest. But you're wrong about something. Nothing is more important than you."

me, sobbing:

ROOTS OF EVIL

realised as i was reading this that i don't own any books featuring leela.....a crime

"Surprise!" the Doctor said. "You know you were complaining that you missed trees?"

this is actually the cutest thing no-one look at me

She could never understand why the Doctor was so careless of danger. It was a good thing he had her to look after him, she thought, as he opened the TARDIS door and they stepped out together into dim, green light and the earthy, warm-compost smell inside the great tree.

phillip reeve gets the four+leela dynamic. like. he Gets it. 

"It will not hurt you," she promised. "It is called a 'scarf'. It is like a cloak, only pointless."

ousdofnsoksfd

"Did it look a bit like a gravel pit? You'd be amazed how many alien worlds look just like gravel pits..."

what is doctor who. without quarry jokes.

"I mean, he's wearing a bow tie!" the Doctor explained patiently. "Ridiculous objects! I wouldn't be seen dead in a bow tie!"

1) says the guy who wears an obnoxiously long scarf everywhere 2) honey, you've got a big storm coming

TIP OF THE TONGUE

there's a scene in this where nyssa and the doctor chill at a diner and they drink chocolate milkshakes together. this is all i care about.

Good Lord, was that celery he was wearing on his lapel?

Yeah We Know

"Are you British?" Nettie said, as if this was the most surprising part of the whole thing.

i mean, fair

He paused. "I don't suppose either of you would be interested in travelling?"

the fifth doctor: hey one of my friends died recently and i abandoned the other one but i really miss having a large crew so i was wondering if you two literal children would like to risk your life travelling with me :)

SOMETHING BORROWED

you'd think given this one is from peri's pov she'd be slightly more central to the plot. ah well.

"That's two storeys up!" I exclaimed. "And I'm in heels." "Well then, you should have worn more sensible shoes, shouldn't you?"

maybe she lives in hope that she won't have to do any running/scale buildings every time she steps out of the tardis. i get that. 

"Well, you are the expert when it comes to gaudy," I said, giving a meaningful look to his red-and-yellow plaid coat and green tie.

every six story is legally obligated to drag his coat

The Doctor shook the man's hand vigorously. "Yes, yes. A little different round the edges since our last meeting on Kiri 4, but all the charm and intellect are still here."

i love this bastard.......

"Love? That contrived, chemically driven state of idiocy?"

mood

A clatter of metal was the sole warning I had before a hole in the ceiling suddenly opened, and the Doctor came tumbling down to the floor, landing in an ungraceful heap of rainbow plaid. Nonetheless, he rose to his feet with all the dignity of an Olympic gymnast who'd just landed a perfect somersault.

not to sound like a broken record but i would Die for this idiot

withholding myself from using more quotes to illustrate my unbridled love for the sixth doctor whom..........

"You might regret not helping me with this one day," she  [the Rani] called over to us. "Your next regeneration may be sooner than you think."

Huh. I Wonder What That's Referring To

RIPPLE EFFECT

From the look on his face, Ace reckoned that a visit to the Time Lords was something similar to her having to visit the dentist back on Earth.

i mean to be fair.....the time lords are a whole lot worse although in this case the doctor's reasons for not wanting to visit are: (i) they're 'old, boring and judgemental' (ii) they have stupid clothes and a stupid non-intervention policy (iii) they treat him 'like a naughty schoolboy' (can't have that in front of your companion!)

i apparently didn't have many comments to make on this one. um...it was good. i liked the idea of an alternate universe with nice daleks. MOVING ON

SPORE

"They're all dead....everyone's dead, flesh turned to liquid. It moves...There are things! Moving things! They're alive..." Major Platt looked up at the Doctor. "The caller became incoherent after that and disconnected shortly after." The Doctor drummed his fingers thoughtfully against the top of the aluminium folding-table between them. "Hmm...That really doesn't sound very good."

YEAH YA THINK?

"I was at the opera," the Doctor explained, "when my phone went off."

this is his excuse for That outfit. really just copying everything from grace here huh

THE BEAST OF BABYLON

She also didn't yet know that he wasn't a man at all.

yeah cos he's non-binary duh

"So now we're landing on Earth," he shouted, "two thousand years before the birth of Christ..." "Who?" "He was a bit like Sherlock Holmes. Knew the answers to everything. Very good at solving mysteries. Some humans use him to measure time."

obsessed with the implications of this dialogue...

THE MYSTERY OF THE HAUNTED COTTAGE

absolutely love the concept of this one...a world created from martha's memories of reading a famous five expy as a child

"What?" Martha said defensively, keeping her voice down. "That's how he was described in the books. Don't blame me. This was 1951. Everything back then was blinkered, sexist, and ever-so-slightly racist. It was a backward time." "Ah, yes," said the Doctor, "because 2007 has none of those things."

vibe with this convo

"Am I lonely?" Martha asked. "You're a particle of dust," the Doctor said. "Of course you're not lonely." "I sound lonely." "Well you're not; you're having a great time."

this conversation where the doctor tells martha to imagine herself as a particle of dust has exactly the same kind of energy as discussions you have at 3am at a sleepover

NOTHING O'CLOCK

Amy looked irritated. She wasn't irritated, but she liked to give him the impression she was, just to show him who was boss.

yeah...

ok the villains in this one are actually really fucked up like. it's been a While since i read it now because i procrastinated on making these notes but they were Good creepy. thank you mr gaiman. 

LIGHTS OUT

now THIS is one where the pov heavily contributes to the story...

He turns to look at me with piercing, hollow-set grey eyes, then furrows his impressive silvery brows. "I'm buying a coffee," he says. "For a girl."

so THAT'S why twelve took so long to find coffee for clara......he wasn't buying it on earth. good vibes

TIME LAPSE

i absolutely LOVE the concept for this one, which is that the year 2004 completely disappears from records

A typed envelope reading The Doctor, The TARDIS, Ex-Gallifrey followed by a long string of numbers, letters, and things that probably were letters but looked like they came from about eight different languages.

obsessed with the fact that (i) you can apparently send letters to the tardis, like it has an actual address (mel throwing a message in a bottle into space doesn't seem so unreasonable now huh...) (ii) part of this address is 'ex-gallifrey'

this dude gets rejected. and is so badly embarrassed that he erases 2004 from existence. i promise i'm not making this up.

[ewankoseyo]

serious || highschool!jackson au

A/N: Just a lil something I whipped up on a bus ride. Hella longer than I expected but here you go! Part 2 of magnetic coming very soon!

——

jackson is the male lead in those cheesy teen romcoms who’s the most handsome and most popular guy in school and is actually nice to everyone

he messes around in class too much and can be really chatty but because he’s so nice and polite, teachers can’t really get mad at him so they just kind of shush him in between lessons

they have him come in during lunch to help them clean lab supplies as a lesson

which he does without complaining BECAUSE HE’S JUST SO DANG NICE

actually makes conversation with them and basically knows about the personal lives of all the teachers

he’s a golden retriever in human form

basketball team? team captain

fencing team? FOUNDED IT

drama club? auditions for all the spring plays because that’s his sports-free season

chess club? he marched to the principal’s office with the school nerds when the club was threatened by school budget cuts and argued with the principal to keep it open

(“oh you know what mr. wang? you’re right! I think the school CAN spare some funds for the chess club!”)

did I mention he volunteers his time at the local children’s hospital reading to kids on the weekends when he doesn’t have games or matches?

seriously, how does this kid have so much time for all of these activities

he should have “perfect to take home to your parents” tattooed to his forehead

but you stubbornly try to resist his charms because you think he plays too much

he sits behind you in math class and always compliments the back of your head

“did you curl your hair today? it looks really pretty!”

“thanks jackson…”

offers to walk with you to class and carry your textbooks

“your hands look full, let me help you out!”

“it’s okay jackson…”

(he completely ignores this and takes your books to class anyway)

(he’s running to class so you have no time to protest)

it’s not that you hated jackson wang

based off of his personality, it would be a crime to hate him

but falling for jackson wang was pointless

jackson charmed anyone and flirted with everyone

he received love confessions by the week but politely rejected each and every one of them

no one has ever heard of him being in a relationship which came as a shocker to the whole student body

him? THE jackson wang??? sinGLE??????? HOW???????????

at one point, a rumor flew around that he was gay

why else would he reject the prettiest girls in school?

but you knew better

jackson wang was a free spirit

with all his time spent being so involved in everyone else’s lives, there was no time left to focus on the feelings in his

jackson was seriously the nicest and coolest and cutest guy on the planet

but he just wasn’t serious

so you tried to brush him off when you felt he was playing too much

because you didn’t have time for games

besides, why would a perfect angel of a man-child like jackson wang ever return your serious feelings?

(if you had serious feelings for him, that is)

you literally burned yourself with the curling iron this morning trying to use it as a microphone

how could jackson ever fall for you?

so yeah

falling for jackson wang was FUTILE

anyways,

one day jackson tried to pass you a note during class but you just shot him dirty glances before turning back to the board

“jackson, I’m trying to concentrate.”

“ah sorry, I’ll just ask after class! hehe”

but your teacher had other plans after class

the two of you were asked to stay back (but rest assured, you both weren’t in trouble)

so it turns out there was a downside to jackson’s super-involvement in extracurriculars

his grades had been slipping in math ever since fencing season started

(“I’m sorry sir, we’ve been having tournaments back to back!”)

if he wanted to keep competing, he was going to have to get his grades up

with the help of a tutor

someone who…idk…has the highest grade in class but needed some extra credit to bump it up two grade points to a 100 ???????

what could you say? the universities you were applying to were really competitive

so you begrudgingly agreed to tutor jackson wang until he got his grades up

he would follow you home after school and you’d work with him for an hour

he insisted on going to your house since the days were getting shorter and he didn’t want you to have to walk home alone in the dark all because you had to help him

damn him and his kind heart

through these after school tutor sessions, he got to know your family

as expected, they LOVED HIM

whenever your parents would come home from work, he would stop what ever problem he was doing to talk to them

“hello aunty and uncle, how was work?”

“did you confront your co-worker who was giving you a hard time today?”

“I hear you might be getting a promotion soon. good luck!”

when your younger siblings were around, he’d take a “study break” to play with them

you would have to snap jackson back into focus

“c’mon jackson, you still need to finish this problem set.”

“sorry, we’re almost done solving this puzzle!”

your tutoring sessions would end with the two of you just talking 

mostly just jackson asking you questions about yourself and you answering

“what do you like doing on the weekends?”

“idk watch movies? listen to music? I’m pretty boring”

“what kind of movies do you like watching? we should have a movie night one day!”

as much as you were trying to avoid falling for jackson wang, you weren’t about to kick him out of your house

you weren’t rude

and it’s not like you had anything else to do

(you had gotten all your homework done while he was getting friendly with your family)

plus you weren’t this used to having someone be interested in you

inquisitive about you, that is, ahem

even though this was probably just a friendly thing jackson wang does with everyone, you appreciated someone wanting to get to know you just because

so you let him hang around and ask you more questions

soon, the questions were getting to be a bit much to and you were getting annoyed

“jackson you keep asking me questions about me, can you start telling me about yourself?”

jackson was the guy everyone thought they knew through his actions but what people knew about the real him was all just heresay

maybe it was because you were trying to avoid getting too close to him or maybe part of the jackson wang charm was putting the other person in the center of his conversations with them, but after all of his questions, you realized you knew next to nothing about his personal life even though you’d been tutoring him for two weeks

jackson laughed at your sudden outburst

“me? what do you want to know about me?”

it then occurred to you that he also wasn’t used to people asking about him either 

(what a kind, selfless person, ugh I hate him)

“anything! what’s your family like? why are you so involved in school? what are you doing after graduation?”

you learned that he grew up in a family of athletes so he’d been in sports for as long as he could he remember

his older brother would pull pranks on him growing up, like telling him their parents found him in the dumpster as a baby and took him home to raise him

but now he really looks up to his older brother and always asks him for advice even though he may be busy

you learned that as a child, he would have a difficult time paying attention and keeping still, so his mom put him in a bunch of activities to keep him occupied

and this probably carried on to high school

but besides how it was affecting his grades, he loved and gave his all in every activity he was involved in 

his dad taught him to be kind to others and to give tenfold to those who had nothing to give back to you

which is why he spent his extra time volunteering 

plus he enjoyed getting to know the stories of the people he was helping, there was always something to learn in each of them

as for after graduation?

you learned he wasn’t completely sure yet

he didn’t want to say too much because there were just a lot of options up in the air, something about possibly moving to korea because of an opportunity there, but he couldn’t say it out loud so as to not jinx it

so yeah, you learned a lot about him in a span of two hours (and this is just after tutoring, my goodness)

what else did you learn?

you learned you had made a mistake in asking him about his personal life because oh god now this was getting all too real and you found your heart aching at the way he would look down and smile, seeming uncharacteristically shy when talking about something he didn’t tell a lot of people or when his cheeks met his eyes when recalling a funny childhood memory or when his hands moved animatedly while describing a fencing move or the way his laugh was the most boyish most genuine laugh you’d ever heard and you’d want to spend the rest of your life listening to it—

it was happening

no, it happened

you had fallen for THE jackson wang’s charms and he wasn’t even trying

this realization must have translated to worry on your face because jackson stopped himself in the middle of a story about how he got into the chess club to ask you if you were okay

“wha-yeah, I’m fine why wouldn’t I be?”

jackson grabbed your hands and gave them a gentle squeeze before rubbing his thumbs against them soothingly

“you must be worried about college apps”

“what?”

“you mentioned before that some of your deadlines were coming up and you were stressing out about them and I noticed sometimes in math you’re not paying attention to the lesson so you can work on them”

if you weren’t so flustered from him holding your hands, you would have burst out laughing from his conclusion 

“right, college apps”

and as if you couldn’t be any more flustered, you soon found your face grow even hotter when jackson reached out with one of his hands to tuck the stray hairs framing your face behind your ears soothingly

his other hand still held yours and he gave it another squeeze before giving you a sweet, reassuring smile

“you are one of the smartest, most hardworking girls I know. you study until the wee hours of the morning not just to get a good grade, but to get the best grade because you won’t settle for anything less. you’re someone who knows what she wants and won’t let obstacles get in her way. you support your classmates when they need help with an assignment or want your input on something and you never put them down or make them feel any less than when they don’t get something right. and hey, you’re helping me get my grades up! if anyone deserves to get into the college of their dreams, it’s you!”

boy had the AUDACITY to boop your nose with his index finger with that last point

and you were frozen

how were you supposed to respond to getting jackson wang’d by jackson wang?

that is until—

“can you stop that?”

jackson, who had been busy stroking your hair as he spoke, was now the one who was frozen

“what do you mean?”

you shifted farther from him on the couch you two shared. you really hadn’t meant for things to end up like this when you started tutoring him.

“I mean, could you stop being so nice to me?”

you must have looked so crazy to him (who doesn’t like it when people are nice to them???) but you kept going

“you keep asking questions about me and you compliment me every day and you notice things about me--heck you’re the only one who notices whenever I curl my hair—”

“how could I not notice you?”

you were sure that with the way your mouth was moving but not forming words, you were giving your best fish impression

“li-like this! you’re just being so nice to me a-and you just need to stop doing that...before I get the wrong idea...”

and the way jackson looked at you after you said this completely melted your heart because he just looked soooo genuinely hurt and concerned for you, with his eyebrows furrowed with worry and his lips pursed as if trying to find the right words to say next

“and what do you mean by...‘wrong idea?’”

and you just stared at him, silently begging him to not let you continue what you were about to say, but he was silently encouraging you to continue

“that you might like me back...then I feel stupid because why would you...why would someone like you--I’m sorry I can’t do this--”

you feel your voice getting caught in your throat and you’re about to make a run for it to your bedroom upstairs when you feel a hand tugging you back to the couch and all of a sudden you’re colliding into jackson’s chest

(it was a good thing your family was out running errands!)

“now can you stop doing that”

you barely register what jackson is saying as you feel the vibrations of his chest as he speaks, his arms holding you in place between his legs so you couldn’t get away again

you’re sitting between jackson wang’s freaking legs!

he takes hold of your arms and repositions you so that you’re forced to look at him

“yeah I’m gonna need you to stop doing that thing everyone else does where they talk about me like I’m all high and mighty, because no one tries to get to know me and it makes me feel isolated from everyone else”

“I’m sorry jackson I didn’t know—”

“and stop talking about yourself like that. I like you because you’re you. you’re smart. you’re polite. whenever I talked to you in school, you never flat out told me to go away even if it seemed like you didn’t want to talk. based on your amazing family, I sense that you’re amazing. you’re working so hard in helping me to raise my math grade. and I really appreciate you trying to get to know me. the real me.”

“wait...so you really like me?”

if you didn’t look so cute in his arms, jackson would have rolled his eyes so hard and smacked you

“of course I do! why else do you think I compliment you every time you curl your hair? or why would I offer to carry your books to class even though I know you’re highly capable?”

“I don’t know...I guess all those times I thought you were just playing around and—”

“how’s this for playing around?”

you didn’t have time to ask what he meant then as you felt his hands gently cup your face and he closed the distance between your lips within seconds

if he wasn’t holding you steady, you swear you would have melted on that couch

the kiss was slow and warm, his lips passionately working against yours, as if silently reassuring you he meant every word he’d said

every little peck telling you how much he cared

and when you finally pulled away from the lack of oxygen, you were sure there was no other place where you were meant to be in that moment

jackson placed his thumb under your chin and moved your head so you were looking at him

“it’s always been you.”

so you two continue on like that for the next couple of weeks

studying, making out, more studying, reward cuddles for studying

and before you know it, jackson’s grades are way above what your teacher needed in order for him to keep competing

but that doesn’t stop him from continuing to study with you

because although he had a tendency to get seriously distracted

he was always serious about you

——

[maserati-yokota]

AJW We Are Running Thru Korakuen Hall 5/26/91 Commercial Tape

This one has links! So you know I'm not making this shit up!

Suzuka Minami & Takako Inoue & Cynthia Moreno vs. Bison Kimura & Mika Takahashi & Miori Kamiya part 1: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Mb9L6-ybHoc part 2: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W7Ok-L8g3Jc Kamiya gets to work tossing Suzuka around before getting piledriven into pudding. Moreno tags in and man it's a shame she was perpetually disrespected by this company. Moreno was a treasure, you rubes. Bison is in full beast mode and she doesn't even have the leopard-print yet! Takako is young and gets stretched a lot. Whatever happened to Kamiya you say? She's Cooga, ya dingus; the dullest part of any late-90s card. Takahashi gets tagged in, puts Takako in an upside down double-underhook STFU WITH A BRIDGE and goes back to her corner so Bison can dropkick some more. The 70s Miles Davis solo of tag-ins. Incredible. Suzuka does a gorgeous vertical suplex to signal to all of us watching that though this is a heatless spotfest, the spots are in season. So dig in. Suzuka's dropkicks are so snappy it's a wonder she didn't get CTE from them. Kamiya must've just been spent by the Cooga era because she busts out tons of fun stuff here. Youth is young on the wasted. Bison, sensing the lack of Classic Tag Match Heat, throws Moreno into the bleachers. Good on her. Takako wants revenge but eats a Bison Chop. This is an interesting era for a spotfest--ie the pre-CTE era--despite it still being built off of the video-gamey idea of "strong attacks wear down more HP". Everybody busts out the weirdest shit they can come up with in the hope something--anything--will do it. But I shouldn't complain much. This is heavy on action, light on pointless near-falls, the screwups are minor, and there are some really fun and odd spots I haven't seen before. And Kaoru Ito is there to moisturize the losers!

Toshiyo Yamada vs. Yumiko Hotta part 1: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gfHqj7TdoTY part 2: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HtYiI8pb5hQ Q: And kicks?

A: And kicks.

Yamada is as spry and bland as ever and Hotta is still pretending she isn't a violence pervert. But the crowd knows The Truth so Hotta gets 1000000 streamers. Yamada, mad at her comparative lack of streamers, comes out swinging, only to get swung. Hotta brings the UWF realism but Yamada is convinced the puroresu will WIN. One thing they can both agree on is KICKS. The first notable one busts Yamada's nose and we are off to the races--which is to say, we are witnessing the suffering of women who work for men and therefore are never encouraged to have healthily competitive relationships with their peers. Healthy competition comes from camaraderie and a sense of community. Bull Nakano spoke in interviews about how brutalized and casually despised she was by the other wrestlers when she started. The Crush Gals  fucking hate each other irl. Aja Kong was made into a monster heel literally because she was biracial. These things and this match dynamic (hardway blood in basically a TV taping) are all symptoms of the same disorder: misogyny and the market sitting in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G. Yeah, there's a ton of great work and powerful drama in this era, but how much of it was the inadvertent by-product of an unhealthy working environment? We'll never really know, since there was practically no other game in town--and what game there was (LLPW and JWP) was so consumed by the battle for market dominance, they could only mimic this model. AJW begat Rossy Ogawa which begat Arsion’s weirdly disjointed breed of misogyny which begat Stardom. “Send the girls out there and make them murder each other for the love of the fans! And fuck it! They're somehow also responsible for shilling all their merch, too, just to survive! And they’re little a nude sometimes! As a treat!” This match is pretty fun, don't get me wrong. But it's sometimes hard to distinguish a legitimately competitive match from all of what I just described. Did Hotta bust Yamada's nose cuz she was pissed about jobbing and there was no other outlet in the context of the company to properly express that frustration? Was that frustration even really directed at Yamada? Or was this more of a "Yoshiko shoot"-type situation, in which a wrestler makes a public display of frustration? Hotta turns the shoot into a work for good measure by attacking Yamada post-match. 1991 was 4000 years ago.

Aja Kong vs. Manami Toyota part 1: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NI746sByB-g part 2: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rnKy0Kp5_MU part 3: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5gdv67lFa5M Two of the most compelling figures this era produced--both of whom took the weird and bigoted roles they were given and turned them into powerful characters that transcended that small-mindedness. Aja set out to be a fan favorite despite the booking and it fucking worked. Manami didn't want to just be a pretty baby-face; she wanted depth and conflict. She also trained Tsukasa Fujimoto and Tsukushi, who carry on her legacy of being weirdos with pin-straight hair who love punishment. Aja still sells at this point and Manami is such a string-bean it looks like her boots are weighing her down. Apart from that contextual novelty, this is pretty classic Kong/Toyota. Toyota gets tied in more knots than those catalogued in Moby Dick; eats every kick ever and even takes a headbutt to the lower back. But contrary to their later body of work, Toyota's hope spots don't pop the crowd as much since they're not yet sure she's capbable of fighting from underneath. They like it when she fires up, but they don't yet believe in it. In defense of Aja and Toyota, their work is just as compelling as in 93, 94 or 95, the bookers just didn't believe it yet. It would take the hair vs hair match and Aja's teary performance at the end of Big Egg to convince them of what everyone else on earth already knew. It's as thankless to be out-of-step with the times as it is to be ahead of the times. If you haven't seen this and you're familiar with their higher profile matches, you should. It's more than just a curiosity or a template for later and "greater" things; it's a sign they already knew who they were and how prepared they were to transcend management's expectations. Wild finish and a moving post-match moment, too.

Akira Hokuto & Sakie Hasegawa vs. Bull Nakano & Bat Yoshinaga (2/3 Falls Match) part 1: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=En6sdmXeMAY part 2: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HQ2crxtgZhY Hokuto's legacy is equally massive but differently complex. Hokuto was never really given an explicit role other than asshole. An early injury earned her a reputation with fans as a wrestler who refused to lie down--despite the fact that breaking her neck and refusing to abandon the match was probably due more to how toxic the work environment was in AJW. Can't blame her, or really anybody under these circumstances. Christ, they all started training when they were barely teenagers; what other reality did they know? But because she was picked by the fans long before management knew what to do with her, she had a far different arc. In the ring, she worked from underneath, but as an asshole. Imagine if Muta was somehow Cactus Jack: a being who existed outside the bounds of normal human morality but also took such a colossal beating it made you feel bad for them. Only a tremendously charismatic, well-drawn performance could carry that off. Hokuto is so hard-headed in every sense it's impossible not to root for her; she refuses to know her own limits and, subsequently, refuses to acknowledge the limits of any of her opponents. Anyhow, AJW was hoping Bat Yoshinaga would be Lil Bull, even though that never panned out. Sakie is comically timid in the pre-match promo and Hokuto seems doubtful but down to clown as usual. Bull comes out in a feathery gown only to reveal a tattered tie-dyed Grateful Dead shirt to let everyone know she a) likes to party and b) is ready for a call from Vince whenevs. Hokuto is fully on her Maeda shit: aloof yet nervy. She's still in her Marine Wolves colors, too. A woman without a country. Sakie looks literally terrified about what she knows is coming. Ten seconds after the bell, Bull clotheslines them both and powerbombs Sakie for the first fall. THAT'S how Bull do. Hokuto is having none of it and top-rope dropkicks Bat's clavicle into a billion pieces for the second fall. THAT'S how Hokuto do. Now it's Bull vs Hokuto, what the crowd was thirsty for. Hokuto gets thrown over the ropes onto the bare floor but rallies and comes back with a suplex and the same dropkick she gave Bat--proving her contempt for Bull. Double underhook driver for good measure, but Bull gonna Bull. Sakie gets a huge pop on the hot tag despite being the obvious Kikuchi in this setting. Bat kicks and stretches Sakie back into her place. In some ways its hard to tell if Sakie's time in AJW is compelling because she is obviously better than how she was booked or compelling on its own merits--and due to her repeated injuries and transition to trainer we'll never know. But either way, Sakie whips. Hokuto helps her get some good licks in on Bull to drive home that despite her crankiness she believes in this young upstart after all. Sakie capitalizes on this heat by delivering a gorgeous flying headbutt to Bat, following by a pair of god-tier heel-kicks. The crowd is SHRIEKING. Bull senses Bat is gonna whiff it, so bum-rushes Sakie to get Hokuto to tag in. Hokuto is rewarded with a German suplex to the base of her skull and a double-team. A few dozen harrowing exchanges later, Hokuto is back on top and Sakie is ready to die for her. Unfortunately, the moment Bull comes off the top rope with a legdrop, we all know the credits gonna roll. Bull leads the crowd in chanting "Bat-o, Bat-o, Bat-o" and it's a shame that never got legs. Bull feels bad about how things ended, so gives them another chance at a fall. Sakie and Bat slap each other instead of kissing.

Weird but fun card full of all your faves before their prime. Have at it!

Wait . Hang on. Plum Mariko vs Chigusa Nagayo (JWP, 2/11/94) is tacked onto this tape! Fuck YES. Lorefice: the beef been squashed. THANK YOU. (jk jk you're still a bigot)

Watch it here, with glorious pre-match training footage cut from the commercial tape: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XQLWwEHP4FQ Plum comes out HOT and bloodies Chigusa early. Never seen Plum this vampiric and fired tf up. Chigusa is having none of it and Hulks out because she's deeply cynical about joshi audiences at this point in her career. She also doesn't mind getting blood in her eyes because, of course, she is still Chigusa Nagayo~! (*DVDVR shout-out interrobang) I've talked a ton already about how much Plum rules and how wistful I get seeing any of her matches. I'm not sure if I'm comfortable saying "the business killed her" so instead I'll say "the business let her die." (The business has let many die but few so blatantly.) Chigusa has yet to enter her dom stage so instead inhabits a kind of quasi-Dynamite Kansai persona appropriate to JWP. She kicks less often but smushes necks just the same. She also is 1000x better on the mat. The announcer mentions, in English (?!) this is a full house at Koruken Hall. Chigusa hits pause to talk shit and Plum is OUTRAGED. Chigusa is also rocking a tan that says "yeah, I took some time off to chill tf out, what of it?" Plum thinks she can restart the match with a respectable test of strength (this is Chigusa, she of fightingo-spiritu, after all) only to get immediately clowned by The New Chigusa. The Post-Crush Gal. Plum says "oh fuck that" and throws on the Stretch Plum and DDTs Chigusa thru the earth's mantle. Chigusa is takes a breather outside then demands Plum give her enough room to get back in the ring, thus going full southern heel. Plum caaaan't quiiiite sink in the Stretch so does a quick German for good measure. Chigusa fights from beneath but gets shut down QUICK. Weird that this legitimately feels like anyone's game, given Chigusa's legendary status. Chigusa sets the record straight by soccer kicking Plum's head into the Mir space station (topical). The crowd now hates her. Plum squishes her back to the mat where she feels safe and torques Chigusa's legs until she looks like Brian Yuzna's seminal critique of capitalism, Society. Despite the contortions, Chigusa chinlocks her way to a victory we all kinda knew was coming.

[majdalenaska]

Up in the air aka glorified waitress

Today it’s been exactly two years since I officially started my cabin crew journey and working for Norwegian Air, hence I‘ve decided to start a blog. Let’s see how it goes..

Below I describe my 6 days‘ trip down route. I hope you will enjoy it a bit and get a little glimpse into my flying world.

I’m talking to a young girl in the elevator; she looks at me in my uniform and says: „Wow, you are a cabin crew? Well, in fact she meant to say : „ Wow you are so lucky, you get to travel the whole world“!

That made me smile, but deep down I thought, hmm that’s a bit of  an overstatement.

No, really, many of my friends have a bit biased ideas about this world of flying and what it really feels like to work on a plane. Initially, I was very naive as well, not having a clue as to how I was going to feel on board, how I was going to interact with passengers from different countries and cultures who speak languages that I might not understand. What it is like  meeting a different crew every single flight - a bunch of folks who you have never met before, and  having to pretend you are proficient enough to provide excellent customer service.

No one can prepare you for the actual flight and being on board. The jetlagg, the anxiety, stress and fatique but with time it all goes away and you get used to it, somehow.

But, on the other hand, who can say they’ve had a steak for dinner in one of the most famous restaurant in Buenos Aires and danced Tango with one of the locals? Or who gets to experience flying in the skies at 39 000 ft every week using a Dreamliner 787 as their office? And  getting paid for all the traveling around the world? To sum it up all, I’d say my life is kinda up and down, literally.

This week I’ve had a 6 days‘ trip: London-New York-Madrid-New York-Madrid-London, sounds awful, doesn’t it? It is kind of an odd pattern but since we cover the workload of other bases, we have to be ready anytime for anything. This is aviation! Sometimes you never know where you could be flying next.

28.8./ 8:20 CET- London Gatwick            

         I meet my crew at Costa coffee at Gatwick and first introductions can begin. There are over 800 crews in Norwegian, so in most cases you will see everyone for the first time, and there is a little chance that you will be flying with someone you’ve already met before. I really appreciate when I see someone I’ve worked with on my previous flights, so there is a slight possibility. I’m feeling a bit awkward, I don’t seem to know anyone. I am not keen on small talk but there is no other choice. The flight crew aren‘t looking very happy today but maybe a smile from  cabin crew will cheer them up.

Together we are headed on board and in the forward cabin (PREMIUM) we have a quick briefing before the flight. Our senior assigns positions of the door which we are responsible for. Together we talk through all emergency questions and also discuss first aid topics. The Captain provides us with information regarding turbulences and the flight time, which is the only information everyone’s been waiting for. I’m feeling tired, didn’t have a good night’s sleep , but once the meal service starts, I am ready to go. The flight runs relatively smoothly, we do have an enormous bunch of orders though, which is not ideal, if there are only 8 cabin crew in total. Flights, especially to NYC, are ridicilously busy sometimes.

   We finish the service and half the crew can hit the crew rest, which is located at the rear of the cabin. It’s my turn so I can get myself into the little bunk, close my eyes trying to get some rest;this is so far the best part of the flight. If anyone of my readers has ever flown on a Boeing 787 before - please keep reading. You can find the lavatories on the other side of the crew rest and if you see the sign CABIN CREW ONLY , please stay away, this is definitely not a lavatory. You might wonder why I mention this, but 99% of our passengers do try to open our doors and fail miserably.

Anyway, we get to New York city around 1 PM local time (18.00 CET), and since this airport is one of the busiest airports out there we sometimes spend around 45 minutes taxing to the gate and waiting and waiting… (the worst part of a flight)

15:30 local time/ 20 : 30 CET – New York City

Two hours later, we finally reach our hotel in Manhattan; the whole journey from the airport can take up to 1 hour. But we stay in a hotel in Manhattan, so no one complains really. Everyone gets to their rooms and we talk about what to do later. We plan a rooftop bar in Brooklyn, but it starts raining, bummer. I take a shower and a short nap, since later I plan on going to Whole Foods with one of my colleagues. Shouldn’t have done that; after waking up I feel so drained that I am only capable of going downstairs for a pizza at the corner.

The pizza tastes delicious though and I put a Netflix on, unwind and relax. At 8 o´clock I can’t keep my eyes open anymore and I fall asleep. At 2 am I wake up and lie around in bed till 5 am. Thank you jet lag! Being an experienced flight attendant, however, I do have my morning routine. I do a bit of yoga, meditate and head for the coast to have a jog, which works perfect for jetlagg issues. You usually need a buddy who will drag you out of the bed, though. This time I pulled it off on my own!

It really feels amazing to be jogging along the Hudson river at 7 am, passing thrilled New Yorkers with their dogs and strollers, thinking about how awesome it might be to actually live here. After a while, I sit on a bench, listen to music and admire the views over Manhattan and get carried away. I come for a run here every single morning.

   Back at the hotel, I go downstairs to have breakfast and meet the rest of my crew. A big breakfast makes me  tired once again, so no big plans for today, I’m afraid. But maybe  I could manage some shopping in Century 21 and a lunch in Whole foods? ( BTW This place is awesome, just don’t get too carried away, otherwise you’ll be crying at the till.) Later we fly back to Madrid and I desperately long for a good night’s sleep. Tough luck, though.

I play a meditation video to calm me down but it’s pointless.

   29.8/21:15 local time( 02:15 CET)- New York City

It’s not ideal to start your flight at 3 am European time, as you can imagine. Anyway, in the world of flight attendants you get used to anything…anything at all. One hour on a bus to the airport, one hour taxing to the gate…man, I am drained. I am sitting on my jumpseat about 50 minutes and there are 3 passengers sitting opposite  me.( Cabin crew  must smile no matter what, so wakey wakey Magdalena!) Luckily all  the passengers are asleep so I can relax. The flight is stress and turbulence free and it only takes  6 hours and 30 minutes,yay. Well, sometimes it is rather enjoyable. Although every flight is utterly different, to be honest. Fatique, arguments with passengers, arguments with  crew, fainting passengers, drunk passengers…take your pick. But, hooray, today no one has vomitted on me and I haven‘t spilled any drinks on anyone. Not yet, at least.

30.8/14:35 local time - Madrid

We are thrilled arriving in Madrid. My idea of the upcoming days looks like this: The sun, the pool and chill. I leave my uniform in the hotel room and in the evening I meet my colleagues from Hungary and Poland. Together we set off towards the center of Madrid. The plan is to stroll around the city and get some Tapas and Sangria. We are lucky enough to be guided by one of our colleagues who is local in Madrid.

He shows us a few places of interests. I am mainly excited by the beautiful park called Cuarttel de la Montana, which gives you a stunning view over the city. We can‘t possibly finish our evening in Madrid without visiting the local Chocolateria San Gines, where the best Churros is made. The next day we explore the shopping mall next door, and spend a great time relaxing at the pool and regaining energy for the upcoming night flight.

31.8./18:25 local time

All bags packed and prepared, I am headed down to the lobby to meet my crew. We are flying back to New York City, which I am not really keen on, due to my poor sleep on the  East Coast. Interestingly, lately I‘ve preferred flying to the West coast of USA where I don’t have a major issue with jetlagg and sleep.( Though it only took  a year and half to get used to all those time differences, haha.)  We have a nice flight, the only trouble being  that almost 80% of all passengers are Spanish speaking, so we send our only Spanish speaking colleague L. everywhere we can. L. is not that excited about the situation. We have a small issue with a passenger who  refuses to give up on her own meal with nuts. Unfortunately for her, we have a passenger on board, who is allergic to nuts and hence it’s strictly forbidden to be eating anything containing nuts. But Mrs. B. is not happy about that and complains that she only eats foods that are vegan, gluten free an organic and we can’t really provide that from our snack bar, according to her. I try my best explaining and offering something else but in the end I have to call my senior. We bribe her with a freshly made coffee which is the only thing  she is willing to consume. Anyway, at the end of the flight. Mrs. B opens up her own meal box risking an anaphylactic shock for the poor passenger. Fortunately, nothing happens and her meal doesn‘t trigger an allergic reaction. It really feels  utterly frustrating that although we do our best to explain the seriousness of the situation, Mrs. B. ignores everything we say and put the life of a co - passenger at a risk. I think it is outrageous  how some people are so ignorant and arrogant. Yet, there‘s so much more a cabin crew can come up against  and have to deal with.( I just can‘t really stress enough the  importance of  working on yourself, your resiliance and patience, to be able to face all those kinds of challenges without ever losing your head and nerve.)

Another situation comes up with a lady  complaining about not getting a seat in exit row , where she can hang up a bassinet for her baby during the flight. Since she only speaks spanish, my colleague L.  apologizes to her saying that they must have made a mistake at the check in desk and she will have to take another seat unfortunately.

Service is taking ages and is not pleasant at all, no one can understand me, but eventually I am good to go with Vino Bianco and Vino Rosso. Spanish is not that difficult after all.

We get to the Manhattan hotel at  around 1 am in the morning, which is 6 am European time. Having an alcoholic beverage goes aside and I am only focused on my beautiful bed on 23rd floor. I am so tired  I would happily stay in that cosy warm bed until tomorrow’s pick up. But I forget I am at East coast so I am up at 6.30 heading for  breakfast. I don’t feel like running today, apologies Hudson river. After breakfast I feel drowsy again, I roll in the bed and put on some Netflix. I get my lunch in Preta Manger nearby and go back to my hotel room. You‘re thinking right, jetlagg is not an easy beast sometimes.

1.9 /21.15 local tme- 02.15 CET- New York

Here comes the very last working flight of this pattern and we are going back to Madrid, yay, feels like Dejavu. On the way to the JFK airport everyone falls asleep since it takes about an hour to get there and it is quite late in the evening. What is the best thing about night flights? Almost every passenger is fast asleep before the take off, awesome! We have a quiet time in both galleys and  the flight only takes 6,5 hours, which is a big plus of NYC flights. Compared it with Buenos Aires, which is about 13 hours from London Gatwick, a bit of a  difference, eh?

2.9. /12:59 CET – Madrid

We’ve arrived in Madrid but our flight back to London Gatwick is due in 5 hours. We are lucky enough to  have our hotel booked for us so we can refresh and relax for a bit. We don’t operate this flight- it is called DEADHEADING, which means, that we fly as passengers in our civil clothes. We get to Gatwick around 7.30 in the evening and everything seems great. There wasn’t any delay, no baggage was lost, everything is as should be.  Around 10 o’clock in the evening I get home and order a pizza and a beer from Deliveroo. Unpacking my suitcase can wait till tomorrow - I fall into my cosy bed and I am not getting out of it for the next 12 hours.

[calleo-bricriu]

Finally finished that awful book.

Go back and look at the rest of it if you want to make yourself hate the fact that anyone is able to publish their terrible, talentless fiction writing.

All right, Chapter 27, extra fun doing this with my parents here.

The faces dad's been making are kind of worth it though; mum just sort of looks up from what she's doing now and again, shakes her head--at the story, not me--and goes back to it.

I'm finishing this horrorshow of a book off tonight so I never have to look at it again unless it's to shove it at someone who hasn't read it but deserves to.

So, we're away from the, "I copied this straight from a newspaper article, look it up!" chapter (which, if you recall, I did look up, and it doesn't exist, he made it up) and on to Obera asking Leigh out of the blue if he'll ever regret having married her.

His answer is less a yes or no and more, "Did I do something to make you mad?"

Her response is even more inexplicable; she tells him he hasn't then adds on, "But you know how a divorced woman is treated by the world."

Not--strictly the right set of priorities here but, all right.

She mentions something about "the money" and I'm not sure if that means we're just skipping the entire part where Mizpra got power of attorney from her addled mother and Leigh--I don't know, physically fought her over or if we're still getting to that and the author forgot and this bit was meant to be closer to the end of the actual story.

Given all of the man's other writing, I think he just forgot.

"You were a child, Obera, when I first met you." Yikes.

And she found that somehow a really romantic way to start things because, "she clung closer to him, and her little body vibrated with thrilling emotions." Is it not possible for this guy to not write like a creep you'd find in the bushes outside a kid's bedroom window?

Obera has a bit of sense at some point and suggest maybe trying to mess with Mizpra, who has already proven herself to be pretty unstable or at least willing to murder a child, might not be the best idea but Leigh is the genius of the story and ignores her.

Sorry, I mean explains why he's right and she's just a silly little girl-woman.

Anyway, Leigh's plan is to have Mizpra shipped off to a mental institution; tells Obera she wouldn't understand that because she wouldn't understand the "diabolical nature of her (Mizpra's) insane passions" and neither would the courts.

So far, we haven't seen much of those though, apart from her getting off on stabbing her sleeping husband with a hat pin and trying to murder a toddler via sending diphtheria tainted toys; the first thing isn't that abnormal, there are whole scenes around--not with hat pins, though, with sharp, single use piercing needles.

The second one is probably a crime, however and I'm still not entirely sure why nobody had her arrested for it since they knew exactly who sent it and how it was tainted.

Whatever.

He then offers to take her to Hawaii, which is where she's from, being a Tahitian princess, after all.

Again, her reaction is described as very child-like. Ew.

He then mentions he heard Mops crying, she says he was because he didn't want to wear shoes, then threw the shoes at her--fairly typical behaviour for a four year old kid but Leigh the Genius Doctor starts telling her that means they need to watch his mental health because he's showing signs of "uncontrolled impulses" and might end up neurotic and insane and probably an alcoholic and a criminal.

Man, he's four.

That's just how four year olds act sometimes.

Even I know that.

They go off for a few pages discussing "training" their four year old and it's all kind of terrible and advocates stopping just short of what you could get arrested for in terms of beating them.

(( Stuff inside gets into--not graphic, but still BDSM which is the ‘shocking’ and ‘perverted’ parts of The Perverts, more casual racism common for the time, and the most disappointing ending to a book I’ve read in ages.))

That somehow goes in to him saying he thinks the states should regulate marriage by law so the "unfit" can't get married; unfit meaning criminals, mental illness, tuberculosis, and "the physically weak and diseased" as well as "the insane".

Then he spins off into how shameful it is the crime rate in the United States is increasing at a "fearful rate".

Obera cuts in saying she think shaving laws regulating marriage sounded terrible to her until her Genius Husband Leigh explained why she was a wrong, silly woman, trying to have thoughts of her own.

That all gets interrupted by a letter from Rev. Bald who brings up some comment he made on the "matter of modern flagellation from a psychologic point of view" on the train, he found a bunch of books on the topic, he's pretty sure you can blame Catholics for it, and that's what makes them insane. Catholics, I mean.

Next is a newspaper article about Mizpra's school for "little half-breeds and Indian girls" which doesn't sound suspicious or weird at all--I mean, in fairness, for the time it was written that was pretty normal language, it just didn't age well at all.

So that article makes Leigh mad, her sister being apparently successful because that's half the problem with Mizpra: She does things women shouldn't be doing, like, not having children, getting an education, not caring if she looks fashionable, not wearing corsets, doing her own legal and financial work--you know, like the horrid witch she is or something.

I mean, honestly by this point in the story I'd team up with Mizpra so one of us could hold Leigh down while the other one just kicked him in the ribs until the noise stopped, he's that insufferable and obnoxiously wrong about everything.

Where was I?

Don't care, the last ten pages were Leigh whining about Catholics.

Chapter 28.

This one starts with a letter, "Los Angeles, -----, 189--" What? Los Angeles is in California, and why are you censoring the year?

Whatever.

It's a letter from Dr. Bell to open this time.

Bunch of stuff about The Spanish, most of it not flattering and about how they make great servants.

Everyone likes Mizpra there, so that's gonig ot make things more difficult.

Lots of paragraphs about how well liked Mizpra is.

No men allowed in the all girls' school, which is framed to be a bad thing but seems pretty reasonable to me.

There's also a little old lady called Penitente that will kill on sight if you're trespassing. She sounds fun.

And, for no reason whatsoever and with no proof, Dr. Bell concludes the whole school is a front for a sex dungeon of Mizpra's that she operates under the guise of "religious ceremony".

I mean obviously, that's where the author is going with it but he really should have spent some time laying down clues that that might be what's happening instead of having no mention or even hint of it then having one main character just randomly know that's what's happening.

So, Leigh decides, this evening, he's going to go and confront Mizpra. I mean, he did some waxing philosophical for a few pages until getting to that point but it was just him thining out loud about how amazing he is; great businessman, great doctor, great author, all around god tier person--we get it, Dr. Howard, Leigh is literally your power fantasy character.

They head off to try and bust Mizpra in the middle of some kind of weird--I don't know what, "active criminal act" prove her insane, or something.  And even if they find her in the place doing what everyone thinks she does: Being a decent, regular person, they'll all be fucked because then they'll look like trespassing, stalker weirdos--which is kind of what they are anyway.

They decide it'd be best to "pounce upon her in the height of oe of her deliriums" which, I think, means they want to bust her mid-orgy in the church basement. Fair enough, I guess; that's probably not the best place to have those anyway.

15 pages of explaining the plan where nothing is actually explained beyond describing the building's exterior.

10 more pages complaining about Catholics, particularly Spanish Catholics.

GET BACK TO THE MAIN PLOT. This is pointless filler.

Leigh eventually calls this all an "errand of mercy" like--just--no. It's not. You've been harassing Mizpra for about ten years in story time here, going out of your way to make fun of her looks, her life choices, her career, her education, her clothes, etc...she's not the bad guy here, Leigh.

Also, you named your kid Mops. Why would you do that to a child?

Chapter 24.

Two pages describing irrelvant scenery.

Look, even Tolkein would read this guy's book and tell him he's too long winded with unnecessary description.

Oh of course it's storming, why wouldn't it be storming? Convenient weather to bust the Bad Character.

So Leigh, being the genius at everything he is (including tracking now) hears a false owl call and knows someone is waiting for them.

Oh, it's the poor "Indian boy" from a few chapters back. "Indian boy here. Bad night, climb. Good night corral bad he squaw." I got nothing here--author didn't even bother giving that character a name.

"Indian boy" leads them to the building because he doesn't like Mizpra, I think. I'm pretty sure she's the "bad squaw". Or the "bad he squaw" except I'm  not sure what a "he squaw" is.

Leigh, of course, has to describe the kid in a creepy way: "Leigh looked at the sweet-voiced lad who stood under the partial roof. His long black hair shining from the rain drops which trickled from it, fell on his bronze, bare shoulders."  Leigh, please calm down.

And finally, after the third time in a couple hundred pages this kid appears, someone addresses him by name, which is Luis, which is definitely not his real name and likely one assigned to him by the church. Still, it's a step above calling him "Indian boy", I guess.

They plan a bit more and sit around smoking while waiting for the right time to go in and get by that Penitente woman who will shoot on sight.

Back to discussing the building layout and occasionally giving Luis many other slightly derogatory nicknames like "brave little Indian boy" and "our little black-haired friend".

He has a sister (re)named Angelia in the school, which is why he's helping them. One of the most reasonable people with a proper reason to want to break in.

He also calls the lady that will shoot on site "old hag squaw".

Chapter 25, finally after two chapters of pointless, repetitive planning, they're going to break into the damn place and of course now it's storming rather a lot.

SO! They get in and all three are immediately horrified by the first glimpse of the chapel. Red is, evidently, a colour they don't like.

Walls and ceiling blood-red, carpet of "funereal" black--just say black, and spell funeral correctly.

Big chandelier with candles that wer elit in a way that made the walls look as though they were on fire. Big ebony cross with a wax woman pawing at it--the sort of thing you see in religious art now and again, and under the chandelier there was pink and white silk for more lighting effects.

Onyx pedestal, golden crucifix, black and gold latticed confessional areas, gold curtains,"many signs of Mizpra's mania" on the walls: Haircloths, wreaths and belts of thorns, steel hooks, rods of iron, leather whips, knotted rope whips, iron and steel instruments of torture that are never described beyond that, a brilliantly coloured and painted altar that was "poisoned, destroyed by the lecherous and realistic painting which hung over it".

The painting is by, "the carnal and lewd Father Gerard", whoever that is.

This honestly sounds like a pretty cool looking room; if I'm meant to be shocked or horrified it's had the opposite effect. Mizpra has an eye for design.

"[...] the whole ch amber swam before his eyes as one flaming pornographic panorama" and that was enough that Leigh was just, "Nope, I've had enough of this, we're leaving," while everyone else went with--I mean they tried to be nice about it but the underlying tone is, "This was YOUR idea, asshole, you're not backing out now."

Noise is heard from the library, that gets drown out by the actual bells of the place going off with the time. Midnight, of course. It's always midnight for these types of scenes.

Nun comes in, they all sort of hide, Nun does regular Nun things and Leigh mutters something about death being marked on her face despite the fact that she's doing nothing out of the ordinary for a Nun but, she's thin, so he thinks she's gross.

Okay, finally something else is happening. Mizpra shows up, the Nun from before--I mean, Leigh, this is just someone's private life you're intruding on here but anyway, this is definitely a BDSM scene with religious overtones and nobody involved is objecting (and definitely didn't consdent to have these three fucking weirdos watch them).

I know this is meant to be shocking but, again, this is not an uncommon thing; Mizpra is being written as a pretty run of the mill Dominatrix, she's not forcing the other girl to do anything she does't want to do, and what's happening is clearly a planned out, scripted scene.

Apart from the three weirdos watching from the shadows.

More descriptions of Mizpra being "manly", of course, and suddenly the Peeping Tom Party decides to burst in and break up the scene.

"Sister, you are not well."

She was fine until you interrupted her, Leigh.

He very politely asks her to accompany him to the asylum which is not really a reasonable thing to ask someone, especially if you already think they're out of their mind and don't realise it.

Her respose was "vulgar voicing with which the vilest curses were mingled". Not an entirely unfair response to, "Please allow me to have you locked up in an insane asylum, thank you."

Luis very neatly bashes the head of the guard lady in with a crucifix, so that wraps up that loose thread but also seems to have angered Mizpra.

You know, because they broke in and murdered someone.

She flips it around and says she lured them all there and now they've all been caught murdering some old lady.

She makes fun of Bald for awhile, so he rushes her and tries to strangle her, and she doesn't appear to care in the slightest. She pulls him out to the cliff edge balcony, pulls a rope that apparently makes the balcony fold down for some reason, and they both fall off of the cliff.

And that's...it.

"A brilliant flash of lightning shot out from the heavens, and the white face of Mizpra, defiant as ever, was lighted up as she and Bald turned over in the emptiness of the abyss----THE END."

[gaarfielf]

k im gonna throw in my hot take on part 5 now i think the time has come where i’ve watched enough of the damn series i can make a coherent essay on whats what on what (putting it under a read more bc this shit is gonna be long and i dont want my followers to suffer too much)

I’ll do this character by character starting with the new ones

Ami: I’m having a hard time deciphering whether she’s being underutilized or over utilized because number 1) her character isn’t interesting enough to have her keep coming around, especially when her only connection to the group is Lupin. She hasn’t had any interaction with Goemon or Jigen that i know of and she hates Fujiko for ??? reasons. That being said, I would’ve preferred if she was fleshed out more because 2) literally having her be the distant girl that is quiet and doesn’t understand social norms is..... really boring. It’s almost as boring as having a female character whose only there as a set of boobs... (coughs). She isn’t interesting because they didn’t make her interesting, yeah? It’s hard to hate a character based on the fact alone they were clearly written by a man but I mean it very literally when I say she could’ve been something great. Having her confess her love to Lupin was straight up disgusting and I really expected more from tms in that vein. Putting romance where romance doesn’t need to be is bad enough let alone when you jack knife it in between a child and an adult. And for those of you saying ‘Oh hhhh she’s like nineteen’....look into your heart. Even if she is 1) she sure as hell doesn’t look it and 2) Lupin is like 40-50. In the wise words of me, children loving adults was a myth made up by pedophiles in support of the devil. Npot to mention pitting her against Fujiko because they both like Lupin?? I ain’t even gotta explain why that’s a pathetic excuse at writing. But I will. Fujiko is a grown ass woman so why the fuck would she care and Ami is a child who shouldn’t be in love with him anyway. She has truly been nothing in the series except a tool and even at that not a likable one.

Yata: Do I even have to say that I can’t write anything about a man who hasn’t had more than 4 minutes of screen time in the last 24 episodes? He was hyped up before the series started and he’s done nothing but be Zenigata’s personality in the place of Zenigata y’know. Actually speaking and having one for himself BUT WE’LL GET TO THAT LATER. He’s done nothing but yell and cry over literally nothing? Like he fights Zeni’s fights because for some reason Zenigata got super lazy this season (again, we’ll get into that later) and he’s just a pointless character.

Albert: Gay rep for life haha just kidding he was bad at that too. I think they literally introduced him as faux-gay rep because they know the fans wanted more sensitive interactions from their already existing male cast members and they were like ‘well that’s gay so we’ll give them this guy’. And speaking on behalf of myself - ‘I don’t want these’. So Albert shows up, supposedly having a HUGE connection to Lupin’s past and then............we never see him again. And they literally tell us nothing about him except he’s gay and works in the government. Apparently when we say ‘we want gay rep’ they hear ‘very minor gay character??’ and didn’t hear us say ‘no’ back. And every time I hear anyone say 1) ‘well, his connection to Lupin is supposed to be a mystery!’ I can feel hives growing on my skin because i’m allergic to bullshit like if they weren’t gonna tell us the connection, and whatever the connection is didn’t reveal anything new about the character outside of ‘Lupin knew somebody that wasn’t Jigen when he was younger’ then why?? mention it?? why make an entire arc dedicated to not telling us something if the end result was ‘it doesn’t matter who he is’? 2) ‘well they’re obviously cousins’ except they obviously aren’t. if they obviously were, they’d say that they were cousins. like if y’all are digging up bits of the manga from 40 years ago to say ‘there was a character who had the same last name’ but are also out here saying ‘Jigen doesnt have a sister bc they said that over 40 yers ago and haven’t mentioned it since’ then I ain’t got nothing to say to y’all, you’re just dodgy and ain’t worth the stress of talking to. 3) ‘they’re maybe gay’ well the cool thing about gay rep is that we don’t give honourary mentions out for series that were too cowardly to actually come right out and say it. So in conclusion, Albert was written by cowards who couldn’t decide what to do with him.

Enzo: Boring. That’s literally all I have to say. Trying to give him depth by making Ami his daughter was predictable and not at all interesting. To be honest I completely forgot she was looking for her dad anyway because she didn’t seem to care that much about finding him either (or seem to care about anythign really). He’s a shitty villain and every time he speaks I got my finger on the right-key because I don’t care what he has to say and so far I haven’t missed anything good so yeah. Just disappointing.

I think that’s it??? For new characters?? So I’ll move onto the main cast

Jigen: I 👏 WANT 👏 JIGEN 👏 TO 👏 DO 👏 SOMETHING like good fucking God the man hasn’t done anything this whole series up until 24 where he got  5 minute scene dedicated to him killin’ cops (direct action) but like?? As a character he hasn’t progressed he has BARELY spoken and we’ve learned one new thing about him the whole series in the episode where he meets the daughter of a woman he used to work with. And that one thing that we learned was: he used to work with the mother of this girl. That’s it. Episode 24 he got a little bit of dialog with Lupin that I guess was supposed to be like character development but it was so weird because it was kind of directed at the audience?? So it’s like is he talking to me or to Jigen because if I was Jigen I would not have one goddamn clue what he was talking about. Also, he’s so depressing this season?? Right up until now we’ve seen very little personality from him aside from Angry and Complains a Lot. He smiles sometimes sure but like he doesn’t exactly have a lot to smile about this season considering he’s not really in the limelight anymore and is only brought back to foreshadow how much he hates technology and wants to retire. Personally, Jigen is one of my favourite characters and the fact he hasn’t achieved much this series is a big let-down

Goemon: I can’t even imagine how let down Goemon fans feel because again, up until Episode 23 he did nothing. He had an episode where he fell in love?? With a girl?? Disguised as a woman?? For some reason?? It was in one of the throwbacks and I’ll admit that maybe the episode made sense and I probably missed something but to me I had no clue what was going on. ANYWAY like his big scene in the spotlight is 3 episodes before the end of the series (its not like he’s a main character or anything) and he cuts Lupin. Because he thinks that he isn’t really his friend. That’s it that’s the only reason he almost murders his friend. Just kidding the other reason was that it was a half ass attempt at shock value to make sure the audience was still paying attention. They can’t seem to decide this season whether they want Goemon to be edgy or stupid but I think we’ve gotten a greta big helping of both so thanks tms /sarcasm/. They’ve really just dragged his character through the mud this season because he used to be stoic, mysterious, traditionalist but lowkey clumsy guy and then now he’s. I don’t even know how to describe it he’s just become so cutesy and edgy at the same time so we get him cutting Lupin in half right in front of UwU i eat my fish skin first ! I’m quirky ! like what am I supposed to feel about this grown man? He’s really too back-and-forth for me this season

Fujiko: I’M GONNA GET HEATED ABOUT THIS ONE SO BUCKLE UP I’ve never seen Fujiko written this poorly since TWCFM (yes i’m outting that as a bad series too so don’t @ me about that lil tidbit). She’s there as a piece of eyecandy bUT SHE IS SO POORLY DRAWN IT MAKES ME WONDER IF ANYBODY AT TMS HAS EVER SEEN A WOMAN IN THEIR LIFE TIME. Seriously her proportions are so off and outwardly repulsive looking it makes it hard not to skip anything she says in the series on account of how half-ass her character looks. Not limiting herself to being visually repulsive, she also has a half-ass personality. Suddenly Fujiko isn’t the come-and-go as she pleases, mysterious woman that gives Lupin intel on very high security operations she’s just. There. At some point in the series she said ‘a woman’s body is just a tool to get something she needs’ and I wanted to puke this is NOT Fujiko’s character at all and I’m disgusted that they’re brushing her off as a pair of walking talking boobs. Also her absolute lack of empathy is just mind numbing because they’re somehow trying to convince the audience that Lupin broke her heart due to wedding related reasons that still haunt her but? Seeing him cut almost in half does nothing for her? And then she deadpan ‘This is just how it is’ like this is just putting her in such an evil light that I hate because I love Fujiko! In every other season she’s fighty and sarcastic and witty AND NOT JUST THERE FOR EYE CANDY. And going back to the wedding thing, why is this being made into such a big deal? There’s literal episodes in other seasons called ‘Fujiko Doesn’t Look Right in a Wedding Dress’ ‘Fujiko Doesn’t Want to Be Married’ ‘A Ring Is Like a Trap’ like she 👏 don’t 👏 want 👏 to 👏 be 👏 married 👏. And the preview for the next ep shows her in a wedding dress so I’m ultimately preparing myself for the big season finale being them getting married.

hurray.

Final thought on Fujiko being, the episode where she picks up Lupin to save him from succumbing to his crossbow wound (easily the funniest thing thats happened all season) I mean. Yeah it’s kinda cool. I don’t really have any strong feelings about that like I’m not about to praise them for something like that when it was immediately followed by her and Ami slap fighting over him again.

Lupin: In my days of watching Lupin movies/specials my slogan was ‘if the ratio of screen time in the movie between characters is 10:0 in Lupin’s favour then it ain’t a good movie’ and it’s ringing true to this season where it’s all about Lupin. I understand obviously it’s a series called Lupin III like I’m not stupid but the amount of ass kissing to his character is something else like they’re putting him on this huge pedestal like he’s a do-no-wrong kind of guy to the point where he’s boring because he’s done nothing wrong. Ever. He doesn’t argue with anybody he doesn’t have any strong emotions really (outside of that episode where Zenigata loses his memory we see him outwardly angry for a minute). It just makes him such a dry character when they try to mold him into being absolutely flawless and admirable. Also the amount of faking his own death and ‘oh no is he gonna die’ moments are just not entertaining. Like I said earlier when he got shot with the crossbow that was the hardest I’ve laughed in a long long time. It played like an SNL skit (you know what one). And again we aren’t learning anything new. Whose Albert to him!? We never got to know, What’s his relationship to Fujiko!? We’re probably gonna find out they’re getting married last episode after all the touching moments they had together this season like.... like uh.... when they uh... oh right they’ve barely spoken to each other all season. And when they did they were arguing. Love is in the air huh?

Zenigata: AI’ll try to keep this brief but Yata’s taken over his character this season. He’s barely spoken, he has like, NO energy or determination. After the episode where Lupin faked his death (the first time, not the proceeding 90 times) Zenigata just stopped appearing and stopped doing anything productive. If anything his character became an excuse for an info dump. Like oh we see a war torn area whats going on? Zenigata is conveniently nearby to say ‘these people are at war!’ and then outside character will tell a 18 paragraph history on him of whose at war and their history and then Zenigata says ‘okay’ and doesn’t appear again for the next 2 episodes.

Now for the closing thoughts I guess

i don’t know why they’re looking at Lupin having plot as separate from Lupin being episodic. Like they’ve separated him from adventure so he’s just doing the same things over and over again. Not to mention like I said earlier, the fans wanted to see more sensitive interactions between the already existing characters, and if anything, they’re farther apart and just really confusing and contradictory. It’s hard to get through an episode when every week its another ‘great time for another plot arc they’re never gonna finish’. When I watched episodes of Part 1 and 2 and 4 (not so much 3 because i can’t find anywhere to watch it lol) I’m pretty attentive all the way through because the series drops tidbits of information about the characters and they make the episode enjoyable to watch. This season is so dreary and dry I can’t find anything to enjoy about it because it’s just one disappointment after another. I’m trying to to sound bitchy as I type all this out but I mean I’m speaking as a fan who is just really disappointed. I know I’ve said ‘disappointed’ a lot in this whole thing but there isn’t another word to describe it because that’s really the way that I feel about part 5. Seeing my favourite characters on screen is supposed to make me feel happy and excited to see where they’re gonna go and what they’re gonna do not make me think “I hope they don’t ruin this character for me’ in every. single. episode. This season has been underwhelming, unenjoyable, inconsistent and just really exhausting to me overall.

i gotta go eat now so peace out and if you read to the end of all this then hopefully i’m not the only one in this boat but if you don’t agree with me then i guess thats just how it is yeah?

EDIT: I forgot to mention that the callbacks were cool at first but now I just find they’re baiting me into thinking i’ll enjoy the episode because i’ll find something I liked from one of the better seasons in it. They’re just really overused at this point because these callbacks aren’t being used for anything. like ‘lupin is making his plan at the cagliostro castle!’ like. why. ‘detective melon is also angry at lupin!’ but if she isn’t like teaming up with zenigata or actually doing anything to find him why should i care. 

[atleastputinsomeeffortinuroc]

Rant/Review: Ready Player One --aka-- Just Watch Wrinkle in Time Instead...

I don’t usually hate movies. 

I know that seems backwards considering that this blog is me complaining and ranting incoherently about movies I don’t like, but very few movies leave me seething. Even all of the Detective Conan movies, which are mostly terrible pieces of garbage, I don’t necessarily hate. Red Crimson Letters is a terrible waste of time and energy, but I wasn’t insulted or felt talked down to. It was just a really bad movie I wanted to talk about.

In my life, there have only been three movies who have truly enraged me. “Batman v Superman,” “Joy,” and “War for the Planet of the Apes.” 

Objectively, there are aspects that are genuinely good in all of them and are definitely better than I probably give them credit for...but I doubt it, but they just flare up an anger in me for one reason or another. They’re permanently on my “fuck that movie” list. And now…now there’s another entrant to that prestigious list.

Ready Player One.

My GOD. THIS was the book everyone’s been talking about? THIS is supposed to be the fucking bible of pop culture?! THIS MOVIE?! THE ONE THAT UNIRONICALLY HAS THE PHRASE SPOKEN BY HUMAN VOCAL CHORDS “FANBOYS ALWAYS KNOW A HATER?!!” ARE YOU GUYS--…ok. Ok, I need to calm down. 

There are several, several, SEVERAL parts about this movie that don’t work, and I could go into a lot of the problems, but instead I’m going to try to talk about three aspects of the film. And for the sake of me not swearing up and down, we’re not going to talk about that godawful dialogue. Just know that it sucks.)

1) The ham-fisted arc

2) The protagonist and his trophy waifu

3) References over content

There are spoilers ahead, and I’m going to write this with the assumption that you’ve already seen the movie. If you haven’t, you’ve been warned. Anywho, let’s get started. Put on some “a-ha,” break your nostalgia goggles and join me as we go down this road where I collectively shit over Spielberg’s attempt to adapt a supposed “beloved classic.” (CAN YOU TELL I’M MAD?!)

1)     The arc

Here’s the thing with arcs in narratives, and more specifically films. 

They need to feel earned. 

Your central character has gone through a life-altering change or point of view since the beginning of the film due to the adventures and trials had throughout the film. Good examples include “Mad Max: Fury Road” where Max finally lets others into his life and sees the value in not going through life alone as described by the part where he donates his own blood and tells Furiosa his name. Another good example is actually from the Oscar nominee Spielberg had LITERALLY LAST YEAR, “The Post.” In it, Kay Graham finally put her foot down and shows authority by stepping out of her comfort zone to release the Pentagon Papers—damn what the powers that be say. This is important to any narrative because it shows the flaws of your characters through their insecurities and hesitations to make them human rather than movie characters. Even if you have paragon characters like Superman, Wonder Woman, or Batman, they still have to overcome some kind of personal issue that is keeping them from achieving what they’ve wanted.

Now, if you look over to the main character, you can see that his arc was…what is it that was his arc? 

He’s…he’s the same at the beginning as he was at the end. 

“OH BUT HE HAS A PENTHOUSE AT THE END,” yeah that’s not a change. One could argue that the (even though the catalyst for change has no fucking relation to it) arc is about unplugging and enjoying the real world. The bits at the end with Easter Egg man where he starts going on and on and on about how he missed reality or something, and the VERY BRIEF bits at the beginning where you see people all over the VR systems, one of which is the mother neglecting a fire in the house and one where an Asian man almost commits suicide after losing all of his stuff in the game (it’s played for comedy, so THAT’S also pretty fun, because it’s not like Japanese suicide rates are a serious issue or anything OH WAIT.) So it’s about being close to reality and unplugging. Ok. Coolio.

But here’s the thing, similar to “War for the Planet of the Apes”…YOU HAVEN’T EARNED IT. There are brief moments where it kind of alludes to it (see the middle challenge with ‘oh yes, I should have kissed the girl during the Shining’ and the small bit at the middle where the main two are sitting there and the main dude has ONE HALF-ASSED LINE about how “it’s nice here. It’s slower,”) but that’s IT. It doesn’t actually give you a reason to think that staying in the Oasis and avoiding reality is a BAD thing. Sure you have abusive father obsessed with getting high scores but he’s just one dimensional asshole dad who dies and you don’t give a shit about it one second later after his parental figures are killed. 

There are no real CONSEQUENCES to spending too much time in the Oasis, it’s just because he’s good at the game. And if there are, they sure as hell aren’t focused on in favor of mindless spectacle (which looks REALLY BAD by the way. I know it’s supposed to look fake because video game, but do the main characters have to use the ugliest models in existence?!) As such, the ending and central arc of learning is lost.

So what’s the arc? Well…there is none. Nothing is really learned, nothing is really gained that MATTERS aside from the keys to Willy Wonka’s goddamn chocolate factory. 

Z or Perzival or Wade or generic-white-gamer-boy learns all of fucking NOTHING by the end. (As such, it makes the ending where he says “EVERYONE HAS TO BE OFF ON TUESDAYS AND THURSDAYS” come off as BULLshit.)

But no, this is clearly the Spielberg classic. It’s not like Indiana Jones learned anything in the Last Crusade as a character only he totally fucking DID, HE LEARNED TO RESPECT AND LOVE HIS FATHER WHO HE PREVIOUSLY DESPISED AND THE IMPORTANCE OF—sorry. Sorry I’m getting a bit mad again.

Anywho, due to a lack of a real arc, it makes you think that the entire fucking plot was pointless. It was just inevitable that the good guy win because…well he’s the main character. He doesn’t say anything about anything but is instead dumb fluff, which would be fine…but here’s the thing. It also affects the main characters. And it affects them HARD.

2)     Tweedledee and Tweedledumbass

The two main characters have no personality or character due to this lack of an arc.

The main man, Wade, his personality is…what exactly? He’s just generic hero-boy who is obsessed with the 80s. “He’s like a regular Star-Lord!” I hear you say, only he totally fucking isn’t. Starlord has baggage, has character has points and instances that stretch BEYOND just quoting 80’s movie and saying the actual phrase that a screenwriter actually wrote down and didn’t immediately delete that went “FANBOYS ALWAYS KNOW A HATER” NO I AM NOT OVER IT.

...Point is, the references don’t make Star-Lord who he is, it’s the character of Peter Quill himself. Cocky, brash, and in many ways, a child running from his past. 

As for Wade, he’s got nothing. I’ve looked over this sometimes, depending on the writing or the situation, so maybe it wouldn’t bother me so much, but the actor who plays him isn’t doing a good job. I know I don’t talk about acting a lot, but the man…the man is just whining through his lines. He comes off as insufferable with his needless 80’s knowledge that I was genuinely rooting for the one-dimensional villain to kill that fucking brat.

Then we have Artemis or Samantha or Sam or its-the-pixie-cut-rebel-chick.  

There are several scenes that are etched into my brain now (including a FUCKING NUT-SHOT AND A PASSWORD FOR A HUMAN ADULT THAT IS “B055MAN69.” IN A SPIELBERG MOVIE. THE MAN WHO MADE INDIANA JONES AND SCHINDLER’S LIST.), but one of the big ones is the final image of the film in which the main character in his 80’s man-boy cave spins around with his beautiful woman sitting in his lap as they suck face as the line “reality is pretty awesome anyway” or something like that. Aside from the main character not earning that statement as previously stated…fucking let’s look at it for what it is.

The man just won a real-life walking-talking waifu. A trophy wife that he wins at the end of the game.

She’s what probably made me see through the movie the most honestly. She makes this big fucking deal about “oh, but I’m not who you think I am on the outside, I’m not pretty” and then when you go outside to the real world, of course she’s the fucking gorgeous Hollywood white girl—she just has a goddamn birthmark on her eye to be her “blemish.”

“Oh but she’s insecure about it,” I hear you say--I’m sorry, but you mean to tell me NOBODY told her she’s fine and beautiful with the eye-mark BEFORE Wade? You mean to tell me she’s insecure, but not insecure enough to feel the need to buy fucking MAKE-UP!? I’m not saying that she needs it, I’m saying that the character’s central flaw is the WEAKEST FUCKIN FLAW I HAVE EVER SEEN. YOU WANNA CHANGE THE GAME, QUASIMODO THAT SHIT. 

THEN, and this part was just fucking HILARIOUS to me, she mentions about how the ioi company fucking KILLED HER FATHER in a workshop and she has to stop him for revenge…and then it’s totally dropped. Like it’s never mentioned by the end. At all. She chucks a grenade into Mechagodzilla to kill the bossman but fuck me if it ain’t satisfying and adds physically NOTHING to her character.

Her character exists for one purpose. She is the love interest who sets the main character off on his journey. Nothing more. And I say that, because SHE’S THE CATALYST FOR HIM FINDING THE FIRST KEY. She tells him something that reminds him of something that solves the puzzle. And what’s more, I am willing to bet that THAT’S the reason they kept her Hollywood pretty. Because you need to have an attractive romantic love interest to keep the audience pleased. 

Now apparently, she does more in the movie than she does in the book. And that’s great. That’s super. She’s the one breaking in to destroy the d20 of doom. Hell yeah I guess. But I also don’t care. You wanna know why? BECAUSE I AM NOT READING THE BOOK. Superficial changes that improve certain aspects doesn’t make the movie better than it is. It’s like polishing a fucking turd. Yeah, it’s nicer than what you had, but you are still making me hold this piece of dogshit.

They don’t have characters. They don’t have chemistry BECAUSE they don’t have characters. It’s a fucking wash.

3) Drowning in References

But now we talk about the big one. The big fucking thing that everyone and their mother is obsessing about this movie over. And the thing that has gotten me from not liking this movie to fucking DESPISING it.

The references.

To quote from people who will be seeing the movie in the theater *ahem*...

“OHMYGOD IS THAT TRACER?! OH AND IT’S HARLEY AND THE JOKER! OH! OH! OH! IRON GIANT! HALO! BORDERLANDS! BACK TO THE FUTURE! BATMAN—FUCKING IT’S THE BATMAN! THEY MENTIONED THRILLER! THAT’S PRINCE! STREET FIGHTER! MECHA-GODZILLA FIGHTING GUNDAM! MINECRAFT! NINJA TURTLES! FAST TIMES AT RIDGEMONT HIGH! STAR TREK! FIREFLY! THE SHINING! IT’S FUCKING CHUCKY!!!”

…Ok? So what?

Not to be a snob, but seriously—so what? Why does it matter?

Listen, I like crossovers too. I remember the Avengers and what a big goddamn deal it was, and how it made everyone’s jaw drop to the ground, and how in some ways, it still does. But whereas with those it felt organic, Ready Player One with its ninety thousand references felt…empty.

I’m going to bring out two comparisons to the table that do the same thing that Ready Player One did, “Who Framed Rodger Rabbit?” and “Wreck-It Ralph.” Both had pop-culture icons throughout them. One had all of the classic cartoons all spliced together—where you saw Daffy Duck and Donald Duck in the same shot having a dual piano-off. One of them had all of these video game characters that you loved and embraced since you were a kid, running around and hanging out ala “Toy Story.” These big names are all in the background, just like Ready Player One, but they’re clearly different in terms of execution. Why is that?

Well it’s because the movies weren’t reliant on them. Sure, Rodger Rabbit had fun moments with these big names, but if you took them out and animated totally new characters with similar personalities, what would you lose? Nothing. The plot is the same, the dynamics are the same, and it can still be seen as a salute to the classic animations from back in the day to also an allegory for the Jim Crowe era just as the book intentionally was. Same goes for Wreck-it Ralph, the character goes through a fundamental change that has him accepting who he is and how “there’s nobody else I’d rather be, than me” ALL THE WHILE paying respects to classic arcade video games.

The same can’t be said for Ready Player One. The instant you take away the pop-culture references, the movie loses its protective suit of armor to reveal it’s about…nothing. 

It is. 

Nothing. 

The generic quest, the generic corporate baddie, the generic love interest, the main character has nothing to say, and the conflict is revealed to be flat—nothing about it sticks out or makes an impression.

And if you fail to make an impression without a fucking suit pop-culture references then, well, if I may use a pop-culture quote myself...“If you’re nothing without the suit, then you shouldn’t have it.”

Plain and simple.

But then…there’s the one thing I can’t really debate. 

“It’s just fun though, right?”

Yeah sure. I’ll admit around that third act, even though it was long overdrawn, I had fun watching the violence and references I understood while they blasted “We’re Not Gonna Take It” in the background.

But y’know what? It was just about as enjoyable as seeing someone adapt a piece of shitty fanfiction, because both have one thing in common for everything that they do: It’s just there for fan service. If you make the statement “well the Oasis is cool,” then you’ve clearly missed the point because you don’t like the movie, you like it’s gimmick. And it’s gimmick exists—it’s called VR Chat.

Meanwhile, screenwriters of different backgrounds, ethnicities, genders and religions from everywhere across the world are actually putting EFFORT into their screenwriting and directing. And while their action scenes for their blockbuster idea may not be perfect, they at least tried and did something new with it.

I went to see “Wrinkle in Time” today after I’d seen Ready Player One yesterday, needing to see literally anything good. And yeah, it’s not perfect. It’s got some stilted dialogue and some questionable acting on nearly all fronts at points and the conflict can be about as cliched as you can imagine, but the visuals, the costume design—you could tell everyone cared and put a goddamn effort into everything put forth. It’s much more gorgeous than the downright UGLY CG that was in the Oasis world in Ready Player One, and I guarantee you nobody had the phrase “B055MAN69” anywhere. It didn’t pander to kids or guys who wanted to feel validated for knowing a couple references. It wanted to tell the story of fighting back evil and hatred by embracing love. It’s cheesy and sappy…but fuck me, if it didn’t try to say something while having fun.

But fuck that movie right? We have Iron Giant fighting Mechagodzilla. 

If you have that, then why bother putting in effort?

That’s what kills me. It’s lazy and people praise it because it just stuck pop-culture words in a fucking blender. Don’t call it innovative. Don’t call it original. Don’t call it anything than what it is.

80’s. Prepubescent. Fucking. Fanfiction.

You can love it and enjoy it if you want, I mean I don’t like not liking movies. It sucks. And in some aspects, I can see why you can if you turn your brain off but…I’m not gonna lie, to see this get away with murder insults me.

Listen, I love Spielberg. There is nobody I respect more in the business. His work in AI, and the reason why he did so to keep a dying friend’s vision alive will always keep him as one of my personal heroes but…sometimes you gotta call people out when they make shit. And I am.

I don’t care what anyone says, don’t see Ready Player One. Watch something worthwhile. Go to Netflix and watch “Stranger Things” if you’ve got that need for an 80′s kick, or hell--”Blade Runner 2049″ is a visual goddamn MARVEL. Go see “The Post” or “Jaws” if you want some good Spielberg. Just PLEASE! Go see something that isn’t just a bunch of references that almost feel as though it’s a remake of “ctrl+alt+del.” 

(Random aside, people have told me to read the original book...but if that fucking thing is ANYTHING like this movie, I’d rather BURN IT than let it get one inch into my house. So no, I’m not going to read the book even if there are claims that it’s “better.” (Even though I believe that it’s impossible to say a book is better than it’s adaptation or vice versa because it’s two different mediums and as such it’s hardly fair, but that’s a whole other thing.) Point is, I’ve never been more turned off to a book in my godddamned life and I ain’t gonna bother.)

[leefelixs]

boyfriend kim seungmin • stray kids

genre: fluff

pairing: kim seungmin & you

word count: 1704 words

summary: dating seungmin and all the quirks/aspects of your relationship

notes: the seventh part of the boyfriend series with our angel seungmin! uhm my goal is to have everyone fall in love with seungmin today because he deserves more love & praise

this boy is new to dating so please be kind to his little shy and excited heart

really though seungmin loves dating you this is so new and fun to him and having someone who likes him back as much as he does is really so nice to him

out of all the members he’s probably the slowest and takes his time with getting to skinship and being affectionate with you

sometimes he’ll be following around hyunjin asking him for advice and hyunjin is like “shoo, it’s your relationship not mine”

literally takes notes and googles how to be a good boyfriend to you because seungmin is a hard worker

loves going on walks with you and sharing headphones with you and most of the time he makes you listen to b1a4 or day6 with him

also likes eating but going to fast food restaurants instead of fancy places because it’s a lot less serious and just more fun and youthful

sometimes he writes stuff about you in his “journal” (it’s a diary obviously but he’s not ready to say that) and you’ll just pop up and try to talk to him

“seungmin what are you up to?” 

“nOTHING ABSOLUTELY NOTHING” and he just snaps it closed nervously

your first date together is bowling and seungmin seems really casual about asking you but in reality he’s planned it forever because he wants it to be special and also he doesn’t want to pick something he’s bad at (can’t have a chan moment can we)

he’s soOOOo nervous and he thinks he’s sweating but like it’s cool he’s playing it cool 

when you guys start to bowl he goes first and he’s a little shaky but manages to knock most of the pins down

and he turns to look at you with a smile, “it’s your turn!”

you’re like oh, haha and sip nervously on your drink before setting it down and cracking your knuckles

and stretching your arms

“uh actually i don’t know what i’m doing.”

seungmin just laughs because he knew you were being weird from all the extra movement and stretching and instantly knowing you’re not sure of what to do makes him less nervous

“hey, it’s okay! i’ll show you. come over here.” and he teaches you how to roll the ball by demonstrating it slowly and describing it to you

and you nod and he passes you the ball to try on your own but you’re still nervous about it and don’t want to mess up in front of him so he just runs over and kind of comes up behind you to move the ball with you

and voila! there goes the ball and WOW YOU GOT THEM ALL DOWN  and he’s so excited for you and 

gives you a high five and wow!! he helped you do something he feels so accomplished it’s so cute

his smile? his lil chubby left cheek? are even cuter when he’s happy

finally at the end of the game you’re both at a tough tie...the suspense... and actually seungmin is kind of tired and he’s like okay.. well...i don’t mind letting them win (he’s too nice whhyyyyy he just wants you to feel proud)

and you win!! 

he hugs you really tight and high fives you repeatedly

“okay, now we should eat. i’m really hungry,” he pats his stomach and points at the little shop at the arena (rink? area? what is it called it doesn’t matter we are focused on seungmin)

it was briefly mentioned earlier seungmin is a lot slower and different from the other members as a boyfriend and it’s not because he doesn’t like you, it’s because he likes you a lot and doesn’t really know how to express it comfortably

he’s more of a thinker and not really a speaker

so seungmin does little actions to show you he cares

likes learning about the things you like, listening to music you like and learning to jam to it with you, watching tv you like, taking notice of your reactions to things and learning how to make you comfortable

he likes having conversations about small things even if they seem pointless because it just lets him really get to know you more

you know the one friend who listens to you and looks at you and nods when no one else does? that’s seungmin

you’ll mention something and stop yourself because like ‘oh it doesn’t matter’ and seungmin is like “NO IT DOES! keep going!” 

your #1 fan always! loves pushing you and supporting you through any ideals you have and helping you get things going

the only downside with seungmin is that sometimes he’ll just go with the flow even if he’s not comfortable or doesn’t like something and doesn’t tell you but you can really feel it radiate from it :(

“i’m fine! it’s okay, don’t worry about me. really. as long as you’re happy i am too!”

“but seungmin i want you to feel comfortable too. you shouldn’t put in so much effort, it’s okay to be selfish.”

“are you sure?”

“positive.”

“okay then maybe i don’t like the idea...but just a little...”

very emotionally in tune and has no problem running into your room and lying his head on your lap to scream or cry about a bad day

but by the end of it he’s calmed down and smiles a lot while wiping away his tears because he feels silly

back to being awkward with skinship

it’s like..rare that he holds your hand...but whenever he does he asks beforehand 

“is it okay if i hold your hand?” (UGH OF COURSE IT IS YOU CUTIE)

always uses lotion if he plans to hold your hand that day because he can’t be ashy duh

just being near you is like skinship for him! he does play with pieces of your hair though and stares at you a lot with his hands under his chin

oh but tip of the nose kisses are nice for him

your first kiss together is kind of planned from his side

i say kind of because...google is his friend for this one

“hey seungmin, why is the first thing on google a search for ‘romantic ideas for a first kiss’ and ‘how to kiss someone’?”

“uhhh i don’t know chan go ask jeongin, i saw him use the computer” and he SCURRIES OFF

he goes to woojin for advice and once chan hears about what’s happening he joins in on helping him but it’s a lot more embarrassing than he intended and he regrets asking for help and stares at the ceiling while listening to them talk about kissing his hand for practice or a watermelon while holding a pillow and sighing

this keeps going for a long long time

and eventually all the members join in and give him terrible advice like the only one who’s actually helpful is changbin but like he’s drowned out by all the bad advice

this tires him out so much he like drags himself to your house in exhaustion because he promised he would see you

and he knocks on the door

you’re so happy to see him and hold your arms out to hug him but seungmin swerves and plants a kiss on your lips and its very quick and simple and cute and he just sleepily walks past you and flops onto your bed

“i’m really tired, i’m gonna take a nap. wake me up in an hour please?”

you try to speak but you’re in shock so you just nod and he sleepily smiles

“okay, thank you. goodnight.”

when he’s bored he’ll draw little animals on your hand and arms with marker and it’s only fair you draw them back

seungmin draws the cutest dinosaurs and his art is very cute but yours is super messy and kind of ugly but he loves it anyway

“wait, don’t move.” he ends up drawing on your face and shoulders and he thinks its so funny

whenever you’re coming over later in the day he sits by the door patiently and just uses his phone on the floor while waiting for you

even if it’s 8 am and you’re not going to be there until 4 pm,, why is he like this

uses so many emojis when texting you it’s kind of weird

but who are you to complain right

also always spamming you with twice lyrics 

“why do you do this all the time omg my phone just froze”

“because you make my heart go jjirit jjirit”

‘Read 3:02 PM’

“please come back i’m sorry i thought that was funny”

WHENEVER AUTUMN ROLLS AROUND HE IS SO EXCITED he takes you to buy coffee everyday and has you listen to all the ballads coming out and tries to sing them for you to listen 

“hey, let’s make a pie!”

“neither you or i have really good baking abilities seungmin this sounds dangerous.”

“i can make eggs, that’s all we need to know. we’ll be fine! trust me.”

spoiler alert: it’s not fine and you almost set the kitchen on fire because you guys get so distracted throwing flour and cracking eggs on each other and chan comes in to help you both save the little apple pie

and because of chan the day is saved and you guys get to eat some good pie (and smear some on each other)

takes you to buy a pumpkin to carve faces into and he’s really jittery you don’t know why

“uh should i trust you with a knife?”

“probably not!”

but he still lets you carve your own pumpkin while he works really hard on his

at the end of the reveal his little pumpkin is spun around and he’s little holding his cheeks because he can feel all the blood rush to them and hes gnawing on his bottom lip nervously

the little pumpkin has “i love you” carved into it

the further along your relationship gets the more he loosens up and is much more goofy, playful, and honest with you

his heart is so big! you are so lucky

please take care of him like he takes care of you

[chick-with-flicks]

Into The Unknown...With Frozen 2!

So! When Frozen 2 was announced I was a little disheartened, I thought it was going to be a shameless cash grab from my favourite ice queen... but I was pleasantly surprised. I even described the movie to friends as “emotional” and “well written”. Frozen 2 is not perfect, but as someone who loved Frozen so much until my younger sister got the soundtrack for Christmas, I genuinely enjoyed Frozen 2.

Frozen 2 starts before the start of the first movie, which instantly fleshes out the story of Elsa and Anna’s childhood and most excitingly, their parents. It gives the story of how their father (King Agnarr) became king after the tragic death of his father. This gives the foundation for the plot for the rest of the movie, then we cut to present day. This past to present day to create a story set up is incredible but is not easily done so thumbs up to the movie there. This set up was tried in Pirates Of The Caribbean: Salazar’s Revenge and just felt cheap, it felt lazy... but with Frozen 2 it felt almost seamless!

The main plot of the movie has multiple paths which I love. Elsa has to ditch comfort and safety for an unwilling adventure, Anna is scared to lose her sister again and is desperate to hold onto her... and Kristoff is struggling to propose to Anna and feel’s they’re growing apart? (more on that in just a second.)

Elsa’s open confidence, determination and just raw emotional change is brilliant, which unlike the first movie, made her personality so much more than anxiety and “let it go”. She was finally the character she deserved to be in the first movie, I could feel emotion for her! Her discovery of the truth about her mother and the past of her kingdom was so good for her and gave her kingdom some well deserved character too! (Though real talk, the scene when she sees how her parents died was heart breaking).

Unfortunately Anna’s story was more disappointing. I hate to say it but she was pretty useless. As a character she was way more mature but i found that she was just too clingy to her sister and kinda annoying. She also basically ignored Kristoff the whole time which both ruined his plot line and gave it reason at the same time. Kristoff’s anxiety about their relationship would have meant a bit more if she actually gave him any real attention.

The plot of the feud between the Northuldra people and the Arendelle soldiers also annoyed me while being quite interesting. It felt a little plastic because surely the soldiers should have been aware that they were the one that started the fighting? The dam that they gifted was literally a trap? but that aside it worked well as a plot device at least.

Now for the music! First things first “Into The Unknown” was way better than “Let It Go”. Don’t @ me. It somewhat progressed the story, it was just incredible, it slapped, I loved it, best song in the movie. I thought “Show Yourself” was breathtaking.. But the true highlight was the integration of Vuelie (the tribal song from the start of the first movie). That was incredible. A great callback and it sounded beautiful. On the other hand, much like Olaf throughout the movie, “When I Am Older” is annoying as hell.

As for “Reindeer(s) Are Better Than People [Continued]”... in the words of my 7 year old cousin “It’s cringe”, and I couldn’t agree with her more. it was supposed to be emotional but the whole boy band/East 17 vibe just didn’t work. The rest of the soundtrack was pretty average and I didn’t care all that much for it.

So, What about the characters themselves?

First up is Elsa (voiced by Idina Menzel) was way better then she was in the first movie, she was so much more fleshed out as a person and her habit of using her mother’s scarf as a sort of security blanket was quite relatable and sweet. I can’t say much more without repeating myself but all in all she was just so much more human.

Anna (voiced by Kristen Bell) in comparison to who she was in the first movie was much more mature and serious and mature but lost the fun, lovable personality I grew to enjoy in the first movie. She was understandably protective and clingy to her older sister but personally I found it a little annoying. I’m not saying she wasn’t right to act that way, she just felt a little overbearing.

Kristoff (voiced by Jonathan Groff) was also more mature and less fun than he was in the first movie which I didn’t mind too much but I feel he was very pushed aside in this movie, he was just pretty pointless. He could have been left behind with the kingdom’s people and it honestly wouldn’t have changed the story. His conflict was sweet but it wasn’t really needed and it could have waited till the kingdom wasn’t in danger.

Olaf the snowman (voiced by the hilarious Josh Gad) was honestly 30 times more annoying in comparison to the first movie.In the first movie he was some lovable comic relief but in Frozen 2 he was just plain annoying, pointlessly existential and I’ll be lynched for saying this but when he “flurried away” I was relieved he was out the way for a bit.

Frozen 2 also introduced us to many new characters and I loved almost all of them.

First of all there was Honeymaren, A Northundra tribe girl voiced by Rachel Matthews whose short interaction with Elsa gave off such a sweet chemistry, it was nice to see and i was sorry to not see more of her.

Second of our newbies was Ryder, a Northuldra tribe boy voiced by Jason Ritter who I’m not so sorry we didn’t see more of him, I didn’t dislike him, he was sweet but other than being some friendship for Kristoff, I just did’t enjoy his presence as much as I did with Honeymarren.

The last of the Northuldra people I’m going to talk about  is their leader Yelana (voiced by Martha Plimpton). She didn’t do an awful lot but she had a very ‘wise old leader’ vibe to her, almost like Pabby the rock troll (but not vague and not probably evil). Overall, she wasn’t too bad. I liked her.

Now for the two Arendellian(?) characters linked to the forest. First of all Lieutenant Destin Mattias, voiced by Sterling K Brown. Once again he wasn’t much for the story but I liked his mature, noble but very human vibe he just wasn’t very important after the start of the movie. The main complaint I have about him is unfortunately a biggie and a little jarring. He should have known who started the fighting, but this aside he was pretty alright.  

The second was only introduced before the start of the movie, King Runeard, Grandfather to Anna and Elsa. Long story short he was a bit of a dick, but this was a good thing. It gave Elsa’s plot some consequence and and meaning. He was untrusting and scared of magic and it was it was his downfall which is a nice mirror to Elsa herself whom in the first movie who was also scared and untrusting of magic and it was almost her downfall but unlike her grandfather she was able to grow as a person.

Now push all these characters aside because the best part of the whole movie was by far the development of the fallen Queen Iduna (voiced by Evan Rachelwood) and King Agnarr (Voiced by Alfred Molina). Hands down, I loved Agnarr’s story of how he became king even though he didn’t know the truth of what happened but this was nothing in comparison to his wife, her true motherly side is shown in such a sweet way and the story of how she saved her future husband when she was young was wonderful. I’ll admit in the first movie she annoyed me but how fleshed out she was in this movie made up for it. It was the best representation on a dead Disney parent since Mufasa pulled his motivational speech in the clouds. She was wonderful.

Characters now rambled on about, it’s time to get back to the actual movie itself. The enchanted forest was beautiful, the autumn colour scheme was stunning, all the clothing was aesthetically pleasing. Someone give those animators a medal because it was all just so incredible...except whoever decided to put Olaf in clothes at the end! What were you thinking! But that aside I loved the design.

Overall I have to admit I preferred this to the first Frozen movie. The characters made more sense (I’m looking at you Prince Hans Of The Southern Isles), the motivations were also better and made more sense. There is always plenty to complain about in every movie because a movie will never be perfect to everyone and I could complain about Frozen 2 all day but nobody wants something written purely about Olaf, nobody would even consider reading that I’m sure.

So! That’s my view on Frozen 2!

See Ya Later ^-^

[thebestplltheories]

Pretty Little Liars 7x20 Til Death Do Us Part - Thoughts

I literally just finished watching the finale and A-List Wrap party right now. I have not seen a single comment about the finale, I don't know how it was received, at all. Sorry if these comments are just reinforcing what everyone else has been talking about for the past several hours, because again, I have no idea what everyone is saying. Here are my thoughts! 

- It did not feel like a series finale to me and I cannot pinpoint why. I felt the goodbye scene at the end was not strong enough. Sasha said that they had to keep re-filming that scene because she was crying too much when she said “this feels like the end of something” - well, I think they went with the take that had not enough emotion, to the point it felt like a regular line and it lost its power. Not just this line, but in general, I never got a sense of “farewell PLL” from this episode, unfortunately. Not saying it’s a bad episode, but, I didn’t get that sense of “thank you and goodbye Spencer, Hanna, Aria, Emily, Alison and Rosewood”. 

- Marlene said that there is one question she cannot wait for fans to find out, but she can’t tell us what this question is without telling us who AD is. What the hell could be this question?

- THEY ALL DID THE SHHHHH TOGETHER, I LOVED THAT

- DID ANYONE ELSE NOTICE DURING THE INTRO THAT THE CASKET OPENED, RATHER THAN CLOSE???

- I’ve always said Pretty Little Liars is a two-part show: half a romance show, other half a mystery show. They really demonstrated that tonight, by having almost a very equal divide between the romance and mystery. The entire first hour was romance, and the entire second hour was mystery (plus farewells). The first hour, I was shaking my head. “This is not good. Not good at all.” Sure, there were some cute scenes, like Emison’s proposal, but there was too much fluff in the first half. The second half, it really kicked off. 

- So, my theory ended up being so damn accurate, what the hell! I can't believe it! Even though Spencer’s twin was my foremost suspect going into the finale, I still ended up being shocked, because of the simple fact that they went with it almost exactly exactly exactly how I said! Not just the who, but also the why! I even got the name Alex Drake! 

- Okay, so I got the part wrong about the twin having helped Charlotte play the game from season 3 onwards. And honestly, that is my biggest complaint about the finale: AD started playing the game after Charlotte died, period. Again this is my biggest complaint and this is where the finale fell flat for me. Technically, PLL could have ended with Charlotte’s reveal in 610. Everything we got with Alex Drake’s story, was purely an extension because we got renewed for more seasons. I just know there will be people saying “ugh I’m so mad that AD has no connection to pre-time jump” and yes I fully agree, and that’s my biggest complaint too... but my response is: weren't the extra 2 years nice? Sure AD is irrelevant to seasons 1-6A, sure that is incredibly underwhelming and no where near as good as the fan theories... but we got an extra 2 years of PLL in our lives because of this extra, final A story? I’m grateful? #alwayslookingforthepositiveside

- I do not understand Ashley’s comment. Quote “you finally get to find out who A is, who’s been torturing us for the last 7 years”. Girl... it was just a month or two, in Rosewood time. 

- Am I the only one who never really felt a sense of danger, or intensity? Weird, since it’s the series finale, and literally anyone could’ve died. It’s not like we had another season, and I knew Spencer was safe from dying. Yet, I never truly did feel like Alex would win the fight. I can't take PLL villains seriously for some unexplainable reason.

- I really liked the flashbacks that explicitly showed us the scenes where “Spencer” was actually Alex. That was great. I wanted more flashbacks to earlier seasons, however. (I did appreciate that they played some music from the pilot, though!)

- THANK YOU MARLENE for not doing another Charlotte reveal where A sits around crying all episode, trying to make us feel sorry for them. Sure, Alex (nearly said Twincer!) had a sad story, but she embraced her sadness, and it fuelled her anger to take over Spencer’s life. That was really good. I loved seeing Troian walk around with an axe. Bless. 

- I was surprised we didn’t hear of Radley (as a sanitarium). Honestly, thank god.

- I think the motive is the strongest we’ve ever had, of all the A’s so far: Alex was so jealous of Spencer so she wanted to break up the girls, yet her threats only made them closer. Therefore, she decided, “why break them up, if I can just become Spencer?” That is so evil and I love it. 

- I EVEN CALLED IT that there will be a scene where someone holds a gun to Spencer and Twincer, and they have to prove who the real Spencer is. I LOVED that! 

- I have a feeling that once I finish typing this, the first word I’ll be seeing people use to describe the motive is cliche. Especially the above mentioned scene about not knowing which Spencer to shoot. It is a bit cliche. (”I’m Buzz Lightyear!” ... “no, I’m Buzz Lightyear!” Toy Story 2.. anyone? That’s where my mind went, lol) An evil, jealous twin is a tad cliche. I can't defend that. But within this world of PLL, it worked well I guess. 

- Sorry Troian, I wasn't too convinced by the British accent unfortunately. But my gosh you slayed the rest. WHY COULDN’T WE GET AT LEAST ONE SCENE WITH TROIAN IN THE HOODIE!? That was a real shame. I get that it was set one year later, but... still, Alex should’ve wore the hoodie for a scene or two. For satisfaction’s sake, and it’s also just iconic for PLL. 

- SHOUTOUT TO A FOLLOWER OF MINE WHO MESSAGED ME AFTER THE AIRPORT SCENE IN 715 SAYING THAT TWINCER SOUNDED BRITISH. HOW DID YOU GET THAT PART TOO!? “Are you going someplace?” sounded very British, I agree, but I never picked it until I was told to listen for it. Genius.

- We even got it right as to who Wren was shooting: Twincer, so that she can look like Spencer. Gosh, is there anything we didn’t predict?

- Bethany who? Eddie who? Seriously though, I’m going to spend hours editing my unanswered questions list. We got a lot. You can say whatever you want about the finale, but you can't say we didn’t get answers. Like, c’mon. If you’re saying we didn’t get answers, you’re the type of person who complains over nothing and is just impossible to please. Every word that came out of Alex’s mouth was golden. We had rapid fire Q&A with Alex and Spencer. I’m not saying this finale answered 7 years worth of questions; I’ll probably find some unanswered things once I start going through my list. But... You. Can. Not. Say. We. Got. Zero. Answers. I hope that when I finish this post, I don't see people spreading such stupid negativity. 

- Wren died? How? Why? That was unnecessary. This finale really lacked a major death. I wanted to say OMG to at least ONE thing, and unfortunately, I couldn't. Not one thing shocked me.

- Am I the only one who thought Wren’s involvement seemed a bit forced?? What are the actual odds of Wren running into Alex at a bar in London? Seriously? But whatever. I’m so glad he played a role in this, and a damn big one too. 

- So ALEX was the British person Mary was talking to on the phone in 701!!!

- I loved the scene between Alex and Charlotte!!

- I found it really really random that Alex started messaging Mona 1 year later. They had just moved on and all of a sudden Alex is back to start to reveal herself. Maybe I’m forgetting something because that was just weird.

- I was disappointed that there wasn't a major reason Alex took Ezra. I was waiting for them to reveal a mind blowing alliance between the two but then it slowly became obvious that he had just been kidnapped and wasn’t on the friendly side with Alex. 

- Melissa’s mask was just pointless. That was pure fan service to MelissA theorists. (And also to throw us off for a bit.) And I knew Melissa wasn’t AD since there’s no way they’d reveal Uber A so randomly at a picnic like that. I knew it was a mask.

- I got dollhouse vibes when Spencer (or Ezra?) said “we’re still underground”. I thought that was creepy!

- Seriously... they make reference to the mums getting out of the basement, without actually giving us an answer??? “Do you remember how we even got out of there?” said Veronica. It would’ve been better to leave that dialogue out completely. Teasing fans over something they’ll never get, is far worse than acting like it was just forgotten. 

- Did Veronica know that Spencer has a twin, since she made a comment in 4B about not knowing who is coming down for breakfast; Spencer or her evil twin? They really made it out as if no one knew about Alex.

- Wren is the father of Emison’s baby!? That was so subtle, the way Alex said it. WHY!? That makes no sense. I’ve noticed that this show is really big on “who” but not so big on the “why”. I’m just going to assume that Wren was the only male she had “access” to, to pull off the stunt, so she used Wren simply out of convenience. That’s all I can think of.

- So Ezria got married, Haleb is having a baby, Emison is engaged with twins, and Spoby is??? I was really really shocked actually that one ship is still left up in the air. It’s not a sad ending, but it’s not happy either. Maybe that’s the one thing that doesn’t get answered that Marlene was talking about.

- That last scene with the recreation of ‘that night’ should NOT have been the last scene of the entire show. If Freeform wants to launch a spinoff, fine, go ahead, but how dare you cut to the end credits after that scene. Call me fussy, but I call it passion. The final scene of the show should have been Mary and Alex stuck in Mona’s dollhouse. Cut to the credits after that closeup on Alex (Which, was brilliant by the way, and aligns with Janel’s comment of Mona having her own unique happy ending.)

- The wrap party was boring. Just saying. It should’ve been the 6 liars (yes Mona too) with Marlene, sitting in Spencer’s barn, talking about the making of the finale, any questions that couldn't get wrapped up, favourite episodes, etc. I finished the finale and thought “it’s okay, I still have one more chance to farewell the show since the last scene didn’t do it for me!” and nope, this third hour was no better.

- FULL CIRCLE HOW??? Can someone name one thing that happened, that can be classified as “full circle”??? In my mind, full circle means Alison dying and the girls having a sleepover in the barn!?

- Overall, this is how I summarise the finale:

It did not feel like a finale. The first half was boring, even for a series finale. The goodbyes were not strong enough, and I did not feel like I properly said “thank you” and “farewell” to my favourite fictional characters ever. The scene with the girls at the end was far too short. The AD reveal was very predictable for me and other dedicated detectives, but I think other fans across the world will be pleased since it wasn’t actually that obvious. The motive was great. Troian slayed. But, coming from a person who also has a non-rhotic accent (Australian), I felt put off by Alex’s accent. The final scene was just stupid, I’m not watching a spinoff - the final scene should’ve been Mary and Alex. We got a shit ton of answers, but, as I’ll soon see when I go to my list, I don't feel like it was everything. But absolutely, most things, yes.

In 3 words: slow, predictable, fun. 

Here’s my theory where I correctly solved Alex Drake

Here’s my farewell letter

[bytaylorparkins]

thank you grandpa

thank you grandpa.

emotionless is a word i often use to describe myself:

i don’t cry at sad movies or books, and it is very hard to really hurt my feelings.not because i'm a perfect, unbreakable being, but because i have a resilient emotional wall up. my mind usually tucks my emotions away, instead putting my brain to work analyzing, “why did that person say that?”- self distracting: achieving the goal of avoiding the hurt. sounds great right? in some cases, absolutely! but like most life habits it has its negatives; dodging emotions includes all emotions; even the ones we hold close.

dating isn’t a real thing because i haven’t, nor do i allow myself to get close enough to be hurt or really be effected by my partner’s actions or choices at all. beyond my family, i cannot tell you another person i have loved. unconditionally, unapologetically loved.

my family does not hug; we do not verbally express the fact that we love each other. relationships were never physical and love for partners was seldom voiced in family settings. trust me when i say, in all these examples, the love is there, just not voiced or illustrated.

even as a parent i am less emotional than most. i talk to my children like they are grown adults and while i most certainly love my children i do not coddle them as much as many mothers do.

now please understand; i am not criticizing myself or complaining, i am simply presenting some emotional pieces of myself, to further assist in understanding.

this began to make me question why i was this way. obviously some of these ways were influenced by the way i was raised and the kind of relationships i was around throughout my life. i would have an outlandish feeling for pda or really any physical embrace at all, but what about my thoughts? what about the part of me that, even when tucked far away from others judgments and reactions, still felt detached from emotion. no sadness, no hate, no jealously, nothing. the only feelings i had were for obvious emotional triggers, feelings you know you are supposed to have in a certain situation; ex:babysitters abusing children on video.

i began to question this part of me so very deeply. reaching for emotional responses from myself. throwing myself from my comfort zone into a constant feeling of unrest, but that’s all i felt. awkward. even when i was saying things aloud that would not have otherwise been something i would have said, i couldn’t soak in the words, furthermore, the meaning of what i was saying. i felt nothing.

then the universe taught me the most horrible lesson i could have imagined. it taught me that i could feel. uncontrollably, unconsciously feel.

i lost my best friend. after three short but exhausting days, the battle was over and he was gone.

my grandpa was gone.

i felt everything. truly felt. i sat in the hospital waiting room mouth open, breath gone and mind blank.

drowning in the sounds of my loved ones falling apart all around me. as the screams closed in, echoing all around me my mind fell blank. the heaviness i felt in my heart swallowed me whole

& then it came: silence.

the world around me fell silent.

when i was young i was heavily into drama. i need to shed a few tears for this part? no problem. my thoughts immediately wandered to what i knew, even as a child, would be the darkest most horrible part of my life, my grandpas funeral. the tears would begin to roll within minutes. i thought myself to be smart for coming up with such a good acting tool, my own personal mind trick. never guessing that just a few short years later, i would find myself there, playing a part i didn’t understand, myself. i scan the large crowd of people in front of me. i see family, friends and others that had a hand in parts of my grandpas life that i never knew existed. i hugged hundreds of people, uncontrollably spreading my coldness through our embrace. i was back to my emotionless state. back to the silence. i felt as though i was wandering; aimlessly and endlessly. going through my whole day in the “oh my gosh i forgot i was driving” stage of thought. leaving my family for brief moments, only to talk to them the entire drive and walk to my next class. avoiding that piercing feeling of silence like the pelage.

then, one evening, the spectacle was over. we were pushed back into normality, hesitant and alone. then the night came. i found myself literally alone. no kids, no family, no distractions. i felt the silence creeping in, grabbing for my phone yearning to grasp onto the words of a podcast to break this silence, but something stopped me. something made me hesitate for a moment, just enough time for the silence to reach me, cascading over me. the sting of tears felt like a breath of cold air slowly tearing down my throat until it settled, heavily into my chest

and in that moment,

i chose to breath it in, to taste the permanence and unconditional sorrow that now consumed me. then i cried. i cried and cried. i cried out to a face i could no longer see, cursing the moments i had let go of too soon, begging for just one more morning phone call.

i felt that i was in a room full of strangers as i was introduced to emotions i’d never known. pointless regret, civil anger and pure sadness. i allowed myself to sit and stare into the distance, thinking things i wouldn’t dare to say aloud. i forced myself to face the events of the last week. i didn’t have to be strong in this moment. i didn’t have to be a mother, daughter, sister or friend. all i needed to be was me, and i was finally getting acquainted with what that meant.

i needed that night, i needed to break myself, to force my walls down and strip my insecurities away. i needed to be my own shoulder to cry on because mine was now gone.

grief is such an ugly thing. it reeks of permanence and sneaks up on you with an unfamiliar face, but guess what grief? i refuse to lose. i take after my grandpa in that way.

i will stand

i will fight

and eventually,

i will learn:

to turn my sadness into ambition, feeding my unwavering motivation to carry on through life, gaining and maintaining the qualities that i found in him, those, among many, that brought me to love him so very much. for that i am,and eternally will be, grateful.

[robertkstone]

TEST DRIVE: 2017 MINI Cooper SD Countryman ALL4 with Autohome Tent Review

I still remember the way the press and enthusiasts altogether reacted when MINI took the veils off the latest Countryman. Even though the BMW-owned brand started a new marketing campaign before the crossover was unveiled, to prepare the collective mind to the idea of a bigger than ever model, most people were still disappointed and couldn’t get their heads around it. Today, a few months after the unveil, the decision to increase the Countryman’s size so much is starting to make sense.

The reason why the British brand went down this road in the first place was because that’s what customers were asking for. If you have a friend that owns a MINI you probably already know that he or she loves the car for the way it drives/looks/sounds, and at the same time complains about the space it offers. That being said, the new Countryman aims to fix those quirks offering the space of a compact SUV with the driving experience of a MINI Cooper.

This is where the Countryman really steps in. Built atop the new UKL front-wheel drive platform developed by BMW, the biggest MINI ever made is now sharing its underpinnings, engines are gearbox choices with the BMW X1. And while the X1 might seem like the bigger and more practical choice, the Countryman counters with its style, chic interior and clever details, while still offering a decent amount of space for its occupants.

Exterior and Interior

It’s true though, the X1 does seem a noticeably bigger but when taking a closer look at the specs of the two cars, you might be surprised. The difference between the two is almost negligible and that’s exactly what you feel once you get inside the MINI. To be more precise, while the width of the two is exactly the same and the X1 is taller by just 1.5 inches, the BMW is also longer by 5 inches. However, when it comes to the room you get inside, the two feel almost identical while the X1 has just 50 liters of extra storage space in the boot with the seats up, compared to the Countryman’s 450 liters.

That storage space can drastically change though as the Countryman can be fitted with rear seats which can slide forward and have their backrest angle adjusted. Folding them will offer you up to 1,390 liters which means you can store a lot of stuff inside it. Compared to the old one, the changes are remarkable, as it used to offer between 350 and 1170 liters of boot space.

But that’s not the only thing that changed. While the exterior design remained equally attractive, with an evolutionary design more than anything else, the interior’s quality has gone up. The big center speedometer is gone and instead, just like every other new MINI out there, we now have the infotainment screen which, for the first time, comes with a touch-sensitive screen for more convenience. Since the infotainment controller was positioned quite unfortunately on the center console right next to the armrest, it’s a welcome upgrade by all means.

The features of the MINI Connected system have also been upgraded and now resemble the newest BMW iDrive system in terms of menus, submenus and functionality. The animations have also been improved making quite an impression on myself and the occupants of the cars when they first noticed it, having clean designs which are easy to understand and use. To top everything off, the Head-Up display comes in handy and there’s even a button on the dash allowing you to turn it on or off, if you decide you don’t need it.

Speaking of buttons, the cabin remains a typical MINI environment, decked with toggle switches everywhere and offering plenty of customizing choices for the customers. The one that you notice immediately is one big piece sitting between the infotainment screen, top part of the dash and the start button. It’s a big trim piece which can be had in a variety of choices. In the case of our tester, it was beige with black stripes and it came alive at night, having blue and red LEDs behind it, giving a rather special feel altogether. Definitely a nice touch by MINI.

The headrests also sported the Union Jack motif, while the steering wheel came straight from the John Cooper Works catalogue. In terms of leg and headroom, the changes compared to the previous Countryman are more than noticeable, four adults being absolutely comfortable in the MINI now, even if they are over 6-feet tall, both up front and in the back.

The Engine

In this regard, the Countryman once again seems to follow in the footsteps of the BMW X1, but there’s more to it. Under the hood of our tester hid a 2-liter 4-cylinder turbocharged diesel mill otherwise known around the BMW Group grounds by the B47 codename. This engine is now being used not only on UKL-based cars such as the MINI range and the BMW 2 Series Active and Gran Tourers, but also on the facelifted version of the 3 Series, the 2 Series and even on the new 5 Series.

In Cooper SD guise, the aforementioned engine develops 190 HP and 400 Nm (295 lb-ft) of torque, numbers which proved to be good enough for the G30 5er so why wouldn’t they be for the Countryman as well, right? Well, while on the 520d BMW made sure to isolate the sounds coming out from under the hood as much as possible, in the case of the MINI the mill does feel rather gruff and rough around the edges.

It’s well balanced but the sound it makes does protrude quite easily inside the cabin. While the 8-speed Aisin-sourced gearbox changes gears in a hurry to keep fuel consumption low, whenever you go over 2,000 RPM, the sound of the diesel engine makes itself heard and it doesn’t really suit the character of the MINI as a whole.

Nevertheless, the Cooper D and Cooper SD models appeal to those looking for a more practical choice from the MINI range. As a matter of fact, the Countryman as a model was developed to appeal to those faithful customers who used to own a hatch and now need more space for their young families. Therefore, the fact that a diesel engine is a bit noisier than a petrol alternative shouldn’t surprise anyone and those wanting a more efficient cruiser should know about these downsides before committing to buy.

On the performance spec sheet, the Countryman is also faster than the X1 xDrive20d model, reaching 100 km/h (62 mph) from standstill in 7.4 seconds when fitted with the ALL4 all-wheel drive system as our tested had. The sprint is not back breaking and, to be honest, the car doesn’t feel that fast but the numbers don’t lie, we put them to the test and the claims from Oxford were right on par with what our stopwatch showed.

The ALL4 system is also quite capable offroad but you won’t get to put it to the test too often anyway. That’s because of the low ground clearance of the Countryman of just 165 mm (6.5 inches). Sure, you can go for some mild off-roading, taking on some mountain roads and shallow water but that’s about it. Truth be told, you’d probably also end up feeling sorry if you took the car off paved roads as we did, as we felt like it was just a pointless exercise.

ALL4 might also appeal to those living in places where it snows all the time and in the snow the system does handle itself quite nicely as we found out earlier this year. Get a set of winter tires as well and you’ll be able to plow through some serious snow thanks to the massive amounts of torque available from down low.

Out on the road, the MINI Cooper SD Countryman handles itself quite nicely, carving canyon roads with eagerness and in a composed way, without any abrupt mood swings when changing direction on the fly. It keeps its composure but we wouldn’t invoke the famous ‘go kart feeling’ when describing how it feels on the road. Maybe it’s due to the diesel engine or the weight, but it does lean into corners more than you’d expect from a MINI. Then again, at close to 1.6 tons, what would you expect? Maybe the JCW Countryman should be your choice if you want to race down a curvy mountain road.

Around town the Countryman feels at home, with a fast steering rack that helps you navigate busy city streets and park this generous crossover into tight parking spaces. The car comes with parking sensors as standard and they will come in handy as the rear visibility isn’t this car’s forte. Around town we also saw the fuel consumption go up to 10 l/100 km (23.5 mpg) whereas outside the city limits it dropped to around 7 l/100 km (33.6 mpg), good numbers but not even close to the claims. Luckily for me, I did spend most of my time with the car out of town, making the most of the best optional feature the car came with, an Autohome roof tent.

Autohome Roof Tent

When MINI initially announced its collaboration with Italian roof tent manufacturer, Autohome, I was rather taken aback, initially thinking that nobody in their right mind would even consider such an option. And yet, it took just a weekend with such a combination to make me change my mind.

The Autohome roof tent is possibly the perfect solution for a couple or even young families that love to travel and camp in the middle of nature. Made out of Airtex and fiberglass, it is heat-resistant, remains cool, insulates, it is sturdy and easy to repair, if the occasion rises. The base of the tent has a 20 mm insulation and four handles to allow you to install it on the roof of your car as easily as possible. It also comes with a very comfortable mattress and two pillows.

The best bit about this tent is the fact that it can be so easily opened and closed. To raise it, all you have to do is unhook its three clamps, two at the front and one at the back. After that, since the tent comes with four gas springs, it will automatically raise by itself to a total height of 94 cm (37 inches). The length of the tent is 210 cm (83 inches) and it is 130 cm (51 inches) wide, accommodating two adults, easily.

Upon opening it you get two doors with an inner sealing, one on each side and 2 windows, one up front and one in the back. All of them come with mosquito netting. Inside the tent you’ll also find an LED lamp as well as plenty of storage pockets that really come in handy at night. Folding the roof back is just as easy as opening it as all you have to do is pull on it and it will fold right down.

Having spent a couple of nights with it, in the middle of the Carpathian Mountains I can tel

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