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bratbby333 · 4 months

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. . . ⇢ ˗ˏˋ [ blog update ! ] ࿐ྂ

+ some housekeeping and info on new writing

hello my loves !! i wanted to give y'all some insight on what's been going on in my mind palace lately. there's a lot...so...cmon, take a walk w me...and maybe bring some snacks.

ੈ♡˳ first and foremost ! my work has received a lot more attention recently and i am so excited. with actual tears in my eyes, im happy to report that i surpassed 1,000 followers the other day. i am at a loss for words...just...stuck in a perma-state of disbelief.

im sending out the biggest thank you to everyone who has supported me, who's interacted with my work, to the lovely friends ive made though this account and to the heartbreakingly beautiful anime that brought me here in the first place. i am genuinely in awe...overwhelmed, even...i didn't expect any of this to happen when i started this blog and i am forever indebted to all of you for getting me here. im actively fighting off the inevitable surge of imposter syndrome as i type this out...i just love y'all so fucking much. this community means the world to me and i wanna scream at the top of my lungs in order to demonstrate my deepest appreciation for each and every one of y'all.

ੈ♡˳ secondly ! a message for my little angel babies, my day one followers; thank you for taking a chance on me. for watching me grow. for sticking around as i worked to get better at writing. im sure a lot of you started following me for my gamer!bf sukuna series...trust me, i love him and i know y'all do too. but i feel like my writing is heading in a different direction...and with a heavy heart, i'm absolutely gutted when i say that i am taking a pause on that series. i am forever grateful for the support and may return to him soon, though i cannot promise that. i owe so much of what my account is now to that series and i will never forget that.

for everyone who joined me as i delved into dark/dead dove content, thank you from the bottom of my heart for allowing me a safe space to explore different forms of story-telling. my choso fic was the first stepping stone and then i skipped every other stone on the path and jumped head first into the deep end with my dead dove gojo fic...i deeply appreciate all the positive feedback i received on both of those. after posting them, i realized that i am very into writing dark content. i know that taboo themes/dark content/dead dove subject matter isn't for everyone and i understand people's apprehension in regards to it. but with that being said, i will be moving forward with publishing darker content.

ੈ♡˳ so here's the writing update !

i did a poll asking y'all what kind of content you enjoy. a good chunk of people said long form fics (which is great, cause i do too !! mommy needs plot). so, i am migrating away from one shot writing. both because i've been thinking about it for awhile and because y'all are into longer stories, as well. but fear not, i will still write shorter stuff along with headcannons, drabbles, etc...it just won't be the main focus of my blog anymore.

ੈ♡˳ now, time for the big reveal ! perhaps it's a bit anticlimactic, but bear with me...

im so excited to announce that i have two new series coming ! it will be a dark, modern!au featuring choso (with a few other special guests) and a dead dove sukuna series.

i'm almost finished with the outlines, and have fully completed the theme layout + mood boards for both works. i hope to get the first few chapters wrapped up in the next couple weeks. if you want to be tagged in either of these (or both), just leave a comment or send me a message !

(also !! i may or may not be cooking up a dark medieval au series in collaboration with another writer on here...so be on the lookout for that hehe)

while i take breaks from writing my two series, i'll be working through my requests ! so if you've sent one in, i promise i will get to it, unless i literally cannot think of a good way to write it (im only human, im so sorry). also, im sure we already knew this, but im a slowww writer. i wish i could churn content out quick as fuck but i am too hypercritical of myself…it's both a blessing and a curse, honestly.

if you made it all the way to the end of this nightmare of a brain dump, i love you. if you've been with me for a while, i love you. if you're just now joining me, i love you. everyone who’s supported me in any way, shape, or form, i love you.

i present you with the sloppiest kiss with tongue (only if you want it, of course. i can also give you the tightest hug, the gentlest head pat, or my social security number...access to all my bank accounts? a mansion in the hills? my passport? hand in marriage? my first born child? literally whatever you want, babe).

okay !! i think that's all for the updates. feeling: very ambitious and motivated but also overwhelmed and mildly stressed but overall super excited for what's to come. im looking forward to this new adventure and i hope y'all come along with me ˚ ༘♡ ⋆｡˚

thank you again…for literally everything. yall hold a special place in my heart and always will. so, here we go !

see you on the other side, my loves.

— jade 𓆩ᥫ᭡𓆪

#—bby’s babbles🪴#jjk fanfic #jjk smut #jujutsu kaisen writing #jjk x reader #jjk #jujutsu kaisen #bratbby333

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sweetmariihs2 · 6 months

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🪄Cedric The Sorcerer merch, art and official stuff - Masterlist (incomplete)🌌

That's the new version of the post. The previous one was (accidentally) deleted by me, and this one here is more updated and organized.

I wrote a complete part two post about this post here (searching for Cedric stuff), and it was all very genuine because I was writing down my opinions while looking for more content, so there were my reactions for having found incredible content, art that I had been looking for for a long time, books games and more. I did this research the whole day (of course, taking some breaks and also doing my personal tasks) and finished the post at midnight, but when I posted it, Tumblr deleted the post for no reason. I think maybe it's because there was a bug on the post, because I only had two drafts (this post and one more) and in quantity it said it had 5. Even though I tried to contact Tumblr support, they didn't solve my problem :( so I decided to redo the blog just with the data I found, more organized and also a masterlist of the illustrations I found on Tumblr. (I still want to share the things I found but I don't want to rewrite my reactions, because it won't be genuine anymore)

I did this research myself, so it's likely there are still items off the list that I didn't include. Or there is media that Cedric is in, but that has not been published on the internet and I didn't found anywhere. The content of the magazines for example is so damn hard to find.

After that day, I continued searching all over the internet. I would say this research took around a week or two. And I decided to put everything I found into a big masterlist to share with other people too, so I made this post.

As over time I will continue editing this post and adding more links, you need to remember that when a post is reblogged, the version it was in when it was reblogged will be the version present on the profile of the person who reblogged it. If there are updates, the most recent versions will not appear on that person's profile, so it's a good idea to always check if I have added any more links. Here I will leave the link to the post on my blog, so you can know if there have been any changes.

As always, I will be very grateful to those who have access to this material and can share it with me, so that I can add it to the list, or who have found a link with content that was left out of the post. I'll be very grateful to add it to the list and I'll give you credit. You can send it to me through comments, asks or messages. I will add the link and @ of your blog :)

If you only have images please put them in a post and send the link to me, because we can only add 10 images per post and I have already added too many images in the masterlist :)

You can access the links to the products/media/stuff by clicking on the colored texts (not on the titles, as the titles are just decorative). I'll divide the links into topics so they don't get mixed up.

Sometimes the same book or the same product has multiple links because in one link there are some images and in the other there are others. It could be due to the difference in quality of images from one site to another or because one link has images that the other does not have, about the same product. I will list these links in yellow.

Let me know in the comments if any link doesn't work.

~This version of the post is a REPOST. I accidentally deleted the other post, but fortunately I had a backup in my notes app. I knew that if I lost this post all my hard work would be destroyed too, so at each update, I also did the same update here. I got so mad because I deleted when I was trying to add a new link. What makes me pissed is having to organize in the Tumblr format (with the colored text and everything), but at least the links and the text are still saved. I also added new links.~

~If you want, you can delete the old post from your profile if you reblogged it before I deleted it. It is no longer useful and is the outdated version, plus I may end up getting confused with the two posts. Forget about the old post and focus on this new one ;) ~

23/may/2024 edit: I was going to edit the post and add more concept art links and I was notified that I have reached the link limit per post (100). I don't know what I'm gonna do anymore, since this masterlist is incomplete and CAN'T be completed because Tumblr doesn't allow me to. I'm thinking about making a post for each one of these topics and get their links to make a masterlist of them. But oh God this will be extremely exhausting to do. This post is reblogged in a lot of people's blogs already, I'll make a mess. Let me see what I can do. For now I'll keep the post the way it is.

21/july/2024 edit: I'm gonna be removing some dead links (links that don't work anymore and brings us nowhere) to add some concept arts/storyboards and the stf magazine masterlist I did some days ago.

Let's go to the list.

✨️Concept Art:

This section is incomplete since new concept art is always being discovered.

Model sheets by Connor Flynn (and more artists in the other drawings, I believe)(my favorite concept art)

Carol S. Berkeley Concept/Official art

Cedric and Wormwood Character Descriptions

‼️ Sofia The First series bible (pitch bible) (I was afraid of it turning into lost media so I also uploaded this in my blog, in two parts. Since we have a link limit per post I won't add them here, but if in the future this turns into a dead link, you can find it pretty easily by searching for "bible" or other keywords in my blog)

🪻Storyboards:

Once Upon A Princess third/fourth Cedric scene storyboard (+Goodwyn was there for some reason. He got scraped and added to "Cedric's Apprentice" later on)

Holiday In Enchancia - deleted scene storyboards (Cedric in his undies lmao)

Holiday In Enchancia - deleted scene storyboards (same as the above, but more content and in the original artist's website)

The Amulet Of Avalor - Get That/My Amulet storyboard (this specific link can only be accessed through the Wayback Machine website. It works for me, but some people said that it didn't worked for them. I also uploaded these in my blog in case you can't access this link.)

The Floating Palace storyboard (sea monster Cedric)

The Winter’s Gift episode storyboards (Cedric and Sofia's hug)

The Leafsong Festival storyboard (Cedric's design it's different, which is weird... maybe it was made before Once Upon A Princess)

Through the Looking Back Glass - Magic Touch storyboard (Cedric's hair looks so cute! This whole artstyle is so sweet)

The Enchanted Feast - All You Desire storyboards (originally called "Anything You Want")

🪄Storybooks (introduction):

The content of the books can be easily found on YouTube by searching for "Sofia The First read-along book", as many people record videos of themselves reading the books to children. Although we can see the arts, they are usually not in the best quality, so I found some scanned illustrations on Tumblr.

Usually the storybooks have the same stories as the episodes, so Cedric will be present in the books corresponding to each episode he's in. Except for the book Royal Sleepover (He's not there) and Holiday In Enchancia (He's present on a page, but not present in the episode). When You Wish Upon A Well is not posted on YouTube, so it was not found with all the pages and is difficult to find.

—

💫Sofia The First Storybook Theater App:

It's an interactive reading mode that existed inside the Disney Junior app. We don't know if there are more interactive books besides these recorded and posted on YouTube.

Sofia The First (introduction book)

The Floating Palace

🌙Storybook scanned pages:

(I won't include the YouTube videos because then can be found easily)

There are variations from the Cedric's Apprentice book: Sofia's Magic Lesson, Cedric Gets Help, "Aprendiendo a Hacer Magia" and Magic Class (He's not in this one). There's also the japanese version of this same story.

Cedric Gets Help read-along video (because it's hard to find)

Japanese Cedric's Apprentice

Princesita Sofia - Aprendiendo a Hacer Magia

Princesita Sofia - Aprendiendo a Ser Princesa

From the book Sofia The Second

From the book Amulet Of Avalor

From the book The Enchanted Feast

Only one from the book Two Princesses And A Baby (little golden book edition)

One small illustration from Two Princesses And A Baby

From the book Royal Mouse In The House + Two Princesses And A Baby

Mix from Enchanted Science Fair and When You Wish Upon A Well

Mix from The Perfect Tea Party, Magical Match and Amulet And The Anthem

Welcome to Royal Prep (MUSHROOM CEDRIC AAaa)

🌠Merch/Activity Books:

Sofia The First - Annual 2015 (Insta)

Sofia The First - Annual 2015 (Pin)

This book "Annual 2015" along with a magazine confused me a lot. I found illustrations from this book, but they matched illustrations from a magazine comic, which left me very confused because I didn't know what was from which book. After finding a video on YouTube with pictures of the whole magazine, I was able to separate which illustration was from which book. You can find this specific magazine in the magazines section below. Let's go on with the book list.

Sofia The First - Sparkling - Sticker Dress Up (dress Sofia and her royal friends)

Same book, but dress up Cedric

Same book, but Cedric is in a dress

Same book, but dress up Cedric + Baileywick and Roland

— Okay, now we can go on with the rest of the books :)

Sofia The First Magic Sticker Book (Korea)

Sofia The First Deluxe Sticker Book (we have Wormwood here, and both Cedric and Wormwood have heart stickers! And Cedric wears a green robe!)

Sofia The First look and find book

Sofia The First Clay Buddies

S Is For Sofia (ABC book)

Personalized book (you can add your kid's name)

Sticker book "treasury" (NEW CEDRIC STICKER - there's still content from this book that Cedric is featured but I couldn't find it anywhere)

Compilation of Cedric in the coloring books

Unknown source (Cedric with his concept art teeth)

🌟JAPANESE Merch/Activity books:

Japan needs a whole separate topic because they have their own producs, magazines, even the aesthetics change

Found a lot of romantic c*dfia traumatizing content...

And at least a good thing: a japanese sofia the first cookbook (for...children?)

I know that not everyone is just part of the "Cedric fandom" like me. I know that there are people who genuinely wants to search for STF content and not only Cedric, and the advice I give to find these things is to write "princess sofia magazine" in Google Translate and translate to Japanese, and then you copy it to the clipboard and search on Google. You will find a lot of interesting stuff.

You can understand what is written in these books by downloading the image and putting it in Google Translate, image translation mode. Select Japanese language translating to English, and translate by image. The app will write in English on top of the Japanese texts so that you can read them. You need to download the image to do this, as it needs to be in your gallery! Or it's an image on Google images and you click on the camera symbol below it -> translate. I use my cellphone, so I don't know how it works in desktop mode. There must be tutorials on the internet about it.

In the Amazon links, sometimes the website don't always shows all the pics that the seller put to sell the product. To see them, don't just swip to the right when you enter the website, click on the image FIRST and then look through the pics. I think that counts for all the Amazon links.

(This one is a storybook) Sofia The First - once upon a princess story (you can read the preview on that big button and there's a Cedric illustration)

Sofia The First + Frozen Sticker Book

Sticker dress up magnetic bag

Sticker dress up book

Another sticker book

"Kisekae collection", japanese mini portable dress up bag

Did you notice that the photo of Sofia and Cedric on the cover has the ruby heart sticker? <3

Another japanese sticker book

Same japanese sticker book but more images

Lessons for becoming a princess (Disney picture book)

Flora painting Cedric's robe pink 😭😭

Little Princess Sofia Perfect Guide All stories published! (Gakken Disney Mook) *I just translated* Cedric is in the stickers (click on the image to see all)

Japanese learning english book? With a reading pen

Japanese learning words with little princess Sofia [NEW CEDRIC ILLUSTRATIONS]

Activity book (Cedric is in the stickers)

Activity book (Cedric is in a number card)

Japanese character encyclopedia (new pics) (click on the image to see all)

Japanese character encyclopedia (high quality images- not complete)

Magazine/book with new Cedric content, BUT there are new pics of the last "character encyclopedia" and bless this person on amazon, they did so much for us, thank you, thank you (click on the image to see all)

(That's all the same link I just played a little with the colors lol)

Magazine/book with game of fiding the seven errors with Cedric (click on the image to see all)

MAGAZINE WHERE WE CAN LEARN MAGIC TRICKS WITH CEDRIC!!!! (click on the image to see all)

Magazine/book with stickers (click on the image to see all)

Magazine that comes with pens and a small bag

10 stories (there's a part for describing the characters... but it's just a preview so you have to buy it)(that gray button is for reading the preview)

10 stories 2 (same thing as the last one)(that small button below the pic is for reading the preview)

"Princess Lession", probably an activity book

Another sticker+activity book

Unknown book (it's described as a comic, but I don't believe it is)

I found a website full of high quality images of japanese merch and books, some scanned pages and everything. But it redirected to adult sites. The site full of STF merch appears for a second and then several betting sites and mature content open, so to be able to get these images, I turned off my Wi-Fi before the adult site appeared and kept scrolling the page to see the images, then to go to the second part I would turn it on for a moment and turn it off again before the ads appeared 😭 it was very difficult but I got everything interesting that was there. Here are some:

🌌Magazines:

Some time ago I started to buy the STF magazines in my country to scan them and prevent them to be turned into lost media. I only own some of them but I was capable to upload them here on tumblr. Here is the post where you can access them:

The Day Of The Sorcerers magazine:

Random images + part of the comic

The Day Of The Sorcerers comic version

Snowman Cedric pic

"A Bit Of Magic" (name of the comic) magazine:

WHOLE MAGAZINE VIDEO: Activities and full comic

"A Bit Of Magic" comic (Once Upon A Princess/Cedric's Apprentice inspired story)

"A Bit Of Magic" comic scenes (finally- that's not an "unknown source" anymore)

A Bit Of Magic" comic scenes (previously nicknamed "Once Upon A Princess comic-like illustrations by me)

Another part of the "A Bit Of Magic" comic (that's the reused artwork I mentioned at the "annual 2015" book)

This is the comic I mentioned in the "Annual 2015" book part. The illustrations in this magazine are similar to those in the book and because I didn't have access to either of the two complete books, I couldn't understand which was which. Today I know because I found the video of the whole magazine.

Other magazines content (activities):

Intituled "Sofia The First Official Comic Issue 13 with free gift", but it can be called "Magic Helpers"

Sofia The First Royal Adventures - Join Sofia's Party!

"Another chance"/"Perfect spell"/"Magical Mishaps" (unknown source)

"A successful spell" (unknown source)

"A magic celebration" (unknown source)

"Secret Path" (unknown source)

"Pet swap" (unknown source)

"Our special talents" (unknown source)

Magazines' comics:

"Welcome to Royal Prep Academy!" Magazine (comic)

Same comic but different pics (previously an unknown source)

I had a screenshot here before I mentioned that I lost the source. But not that I found out it's source I discovered that it's not from a magazine! It's a sticker book that I already mentioned but I thought those were two different books!! The book I'm talking about is "Sticker Play - Royal Activities". // 21/july/2024 edit: now the link that bring us to that sticker book is a dead link. Lost media unfortunately :( I removed it from the masterlist

—

🪞Magazine covers:

Sofia The First - Leading The Way (True Friendship/Cedric Takes Charge) [Day Of The Sorcerers Comic]

Sofia The First - Royal Adventures (New Exciting Adventures!/The Power Of Being Nice)

Sofia The First - Leading The Way (Surprising Friends!/Visit Hexley Hall with Cedric!)

Sofia The First - Royal Adventures (Indonesian: Selamat Datang di Pesta Sihir)(translation: Welcome to Magic Party) (sassy Cedric)

🌔Merch:

Panini stickers (from the Sofia The First - Collectible Sticker Album)

Panini sticker album — High quality stickers (I FINALLY FOUND THE DAMN STICKER ALBUM CARDS)

Panini sticker album — here we can see all of the pages. The quality is low but in other videos people don't show them all

Panini sticker album — complete (lmao this video)

Board game - Surprise Slides (conceptart-like Cedric illustration)

🐦‍⬛Games:

I have great news for you: I found a website called Numuki that still supports flash games. On this website you can play ALL the games I have listed below (except for Sofia's Enchanted Adventure. I thought it wasn't possible to play The Mermaid Princess either, but it just doesn't show up when you search for "Cedric", it shows up in similar game recommendations when you're playing a STF game). Just search for Numuki on Google and in the website's search bar search for "Cedric", and voilá, have fun.

I'm having trouble with the link limit per post, because I already reached 100 and I need more space to add other ones, like concept arts and storyboards. So instead of adding a link to videos about every game, I'll just link a private playlist I made on YouTube with videos to all these games (in the order that I mention them in the post) for you to access it more easily. Those colored titles of the games aren't links, okay?

This is the playlist link ✨️

A Spell for Mr Cedric

Cedric needs ingredients to make a spell that makes fireworks, so Sofia needs to get them for him.

Keys To The Castle

Sofia needs to go to the royal ball and Cedric locked the door with his magic. Now she needs to get the keys to go back to the ball. Cedric has a new 3d pose and is an enemy/npc that can "game over" your game (his walk is so funny). Plus we have Wormwood here. "Game over" at 04:50 min.

Sofia's Enchanted Adventure

Cedric turns into a lizard (a very cute and funny one, that doesn't show inside the episodes) and Sofia needs to help him turn back to his normal self.

The Curse Of Princess Ivy

Cedric has a new 3d pose and a small animation. This game is about catching Ivy's butterflies and you can play with Amber or Sofia.

Sofia's Card Catch

Matching game with Cedric. There was a previous version where Cedric was the sea monster instead of his normal self.

The Mermaid Princess

The Floating Palace game version. I'm not that familiarized with the english dub so I don't know if they reused the same voicelines from the episodes or not.

A Day At Royal Prep

This game is basically a collection of minigames based on the classes at the royal prep. Ironically, there is a "potions class", and Cedric apparently is the teacher... let's take the episode Substitute Cedric into consideration lmao.

#cedric the sorcerer #cedric the great #cedric the sensational #sofia the first #sofia the fandom #merch #magazine #stf magazine #wormwood #princess sofia #storybook #doll #stf storyboard #stf concept art #wormwood the raven

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alpaca-clouds · 1 year

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Democratizing Media

Alright, one thing first: When politicians speak about "democratizing media" they usually mean something else then what scientist say, when they use those words. Politicians mostly mean something along the lines of "media should say what I want instead being controlled by some coorporation, because like I am elected, right?" Meanwhile scientist mean something else.

You see, before the internet became easily accessible for most people, the only way to access media was through certain outlets. TV stations, the cinema, some publishers and some record lables.

Yes, sure. Technically self-publishing was a thing even back then, but without the ease of the internet... How were you to market your own book or comic? And self-made music usually just circulated on copied and copied again casette tapes.

Usually, if you wanted to create media that actually people would see, you had to go through a big company. And those companies could very much decide who got to make movies and tv, who got to publish music or books or comics. Not only where those decisions controlled by capitalist interest, but also by nepotism and cultural biases, given that a lot of the people making those decisions where (and still are to these days) white, cis, abled men.

But when the internet came around things changed. Because suddenly everyone had a way easier time in getting their stuff out there. Pretty early on there were websites where people could just publish their stories and comics online. Either free and hosted by some other website or paid on their own site. Which was pretty revolutionary, especially as suddenly ideas that had been ignored could reach a new audience.

Voices, that by news media and such had been ignored so far - voices of women and marginalized folks - could suddenly broadcast over all sorts of channels.

And yes, you could also just publish your music and what not online, could also do your own research and offer it to the world and could actually get heard.

Now, we all know that this came with ups and downs. Because while finally marginalized people were heard like this, it also gave a bigger platform to some fringe conspiracy groups and the like. But at least there was a chance to get your stuff out there.

Social media websites and the like played a big role in this. Especially Youtube, of course, but other sites, too........ which of course brings me to the problem. Or rather to the question: "Is media democratized right now?"

Because it isn't, of course.

Right now we have these chokepoints, where you kinda are forced to push whatever you create through a channel. Sure, you can upload your videos on your own server, but probably nobody will see them. They need to be on youtube. Just like your music now needs to be on spotify and itunes. And if you self-publish a book, it kinda needs to be available on amazon or you won't sell shit. And if you have your own little blog and do not promote it on social media (or have it not integrated on a blogging platform such as tumblr) it will not be seen.

And this brings two issues with it (well, actually three). For one, as private companies those sides are able to censor you in any way they want to. They decide you cannot say the word "queer" anymore? Welp, no more talking about queer issues for you. And because they are a private company nobody can do much against it. Like with the tumblr purge. No more "female presenting nipples" for you.

The next issue is closely related: The companies in question want to make money. This they do mostly through advertisement and maybe subscriptions. Hence their goal is to keep you interacting with their website for a long while. And thus they have algorithms that decide what content you see - and hence if the content decides that something you do is not worth it or will get the wrong kind of attention... Well, nobody will get it shown. On a lot of social media we see, for example, that the negative content gets shown to more people. So writing about positive stuff does often not get you seen. (Which is why algorithms are bad. Don't fucking build your social media websites around a fucking algorithm.)

And lastly: A lot of media additionally to all of that also uses a system of partly manual currated. This is true for Netflix, who obviously want to make sure that the front page does show the stuff they either paid a lot of money for or that they produced themselves. Like, there is an infinity of great indie movies on Netflix, but if you do not know it is there, you will not see it. Same goes for a lot of Indie Games on Steam, that just go unnoticed, because they do not appear anywhere near the front page and just happen to go overlooked by folks. And in the end the big studios obviously have the money to get their games on the front page. Same with books on amazon, where just the difference in marketing budget makes sure, that certain books will end up front.

So, why am I telling all of that?

Because we still do have the tool. We can make a free, democratic internet like that. Where we do not have censorship (please note: banning people for saying hateful shit is actually not censorship, so yeah, ban them nazis). Where we do not have fucking algorithms. And where just everything has the same chance of getting seen.

Like, does not mean that there cannot be any currated lists. Like, those currator pages on steam? Those are fucking great. Lists where everyone just can make those and you can subscribe to their lists. That is amazing. But... you know. Not for the baseline experience, but for what everyone wants their experience to be like.

Just... a thing that bothers me. Based on the stuff I spoke about yesterday.

#democratizing media #democratizing #anti capitalism #post capitalism #anarchism #free the internet #solarpunk #social media #steam games #netflix #disney #indie games #indie movies #indie books

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gotstabbedbyapen · 15 days

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Too Long; Didn't Read: I'm working on a trilogy fanfiction for Apollo and Hyacinthus called "Singing For A Flower" because I have way too much time :)

Too Short; Need More: For those who don't know (actually, I don't think anyone knows), I've been writing fanfics for a long time now. I've written for many fandoms, couples, and characters, but never in a million years I'd thought I would dedicate a portion of my life to writing a whole ass trilogy fic for an OTP I only started to ship in the summer of 2022.

How did I get into this?

Well, for starters, I've taken a ride to Greek mythology since June 2022. And as you may know (you must know if you've been sticking around long this blog enough), the myth of Apollo and Hyacinthus is my top favorite. And you probably know that I have lots of thoughts for them. Like, a lot. I'm storing too many Apollo/Hyacinthus ideas inside like an inflated balloon and if I don't dump them out soon, I will explode into a million pieces.

So in that case, I decided to write a fanfiction to pour all my OTP heacanons into it.

No, really. I won't even call it a retelling because it is not qualified to be one. Let's just say it's a high-effort fanfiction written by a foreigner who was raised and lived in a very different culture and always be more to learn.

Introducing:

Singing For A Flower

At first, I only planned it out as a meet-cute oneshot. But the short and sweet story soon branched out and couldn't be contained under 10K words anymore.

I want to write Hyacinthus and Apollo flirting but also having anxiety about their relationship.

I want to include Polyboea and give her a character arc about joining the virgin huntressess.

I want to explore Clio and the Muses' relationship with Hyacinthus, their mortal son and nephew.

I want to flesh out the other occurring characters who are in or related to the myth.

Endless scenarios and questions keep coming and they don't stop coming, and now I'm left with bits of prompts to string into one coherent plotline. There will be a lot for me to rewrite, add in, cut out, and more before I finish the first draft.

The "Singing For A Flower" trilogy will be written in Vietnamese and then translated into English (the VN version will be posted on a different platform, but you don't need to care about it). I can write the whole thing in English in the first place of course, but as with the second language, I can't convey all my ideas as fluently as in Vietnamese. When the English version is done, I will publish it on Archive Of Our Own and maybe other novel platforms.

It will take time to do everything all by myself. You'll have to wait a long time - we're not counting weeks or months, but years. But not to worry, because along the way, I will publish some (translated) WIP snippets to keep myself motivated and keep you guys up-to-date. So, we cool?

If you're interested in my planned Apollo/Hyacinthus trilogy and wish to see the final product, I admire your dedication - thank you a lot! And if you can't stick around to the end - it's okay! I'm glad we can be companions for a while.

Let's hope all of the gods above, my sheer determination, and an unholy amount of coffee will help me make it to the end of this project and not crash and burn before that!

#hyacinthus #apollo #apollo x hyacinthus #hyacinthus x apollo #Singing For A Flower #greek mythology #introduction #my works #work in progress #fanfiction

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tower-girl-anon · 2 years

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Astrology observations

Personal note: I sincerelly apologize for the lack of publishing these last couple of weeks. In general, the Capricorn season is a really busy time so the lack of writing wasn't because I didn't care anymore about the blog. I'll try to warn earlier when I will be absent and how long will it last approximately.

Now that things seems to be calm again, I will write a small astrology observation post that includes aspects or overlays in synastry.

Natal chart:

-A native with Chiron really close to the 8th house cusp or in the 8th house could have near death experiences since childhood. These experiences could have been more violent or traumatic depending on the sign it lies in.

-Having your South Node, Saturn, Chiron or asteroid Alma in aspect to an asteroid with the name of a country/place could mean that you've spent a lifetime, if not more than one, in that place or something from that place affected your life. If that effect was good or bad, I think it depends on the aspect and the type of points/asteroid/planet it touches with the place. For example, if I have my Alma in conjunction with London, it could mean that my soul feels connected to that place and it could signify a past life in that city. With Chiron it could mean a place where I either suffered some pain or I healed something, and with Saturn/South Node means that there were some lessons learned in that place.

-I don't know which blog it was that talked about the third house being related to cars but it got me thinking about having asteroid Talent (33154) in the third house. If that house talks about that theme too, then it could indicate an ability for driving cars.

Synastry:

-If your Neptune lies in the 1st house or ascendant of another person, in some cases you will feel some kind of familiar energy coming from them. As if you knew each other before. Maybe he/she will share some physical resemblence with someone close to you like a sibling or friend. Another manifestation of this energy is that you won't be mad with that person for long when they act bad towards you or others because you feel there is a good energy within him.

-If asteroid Alma overlays the 4th house of another person or conjuncts the IC, then there is a chance that both of them belong to the same soul family. At the very least, it could indicate a past life connection or even a soulmate connection.

That's all I have for now. I will soon go back to write as frecuently as possible.

Love and light.

Tower Girl Anon

#astrology readings #asteroids #asteroid #alma #astrology #astro reading #astro notes #astrology observations #saturn #chiron #south node #8th house #synastry #overlays #planets overlay #neptune

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lightsoutbfb · 9 months

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LIGHTS OUT!

hey everyone! if you're seeing this, then you're probably wondering: what IS Lights Out?

Well, I'm here to answer those questions.

Lights Out is an au of bfb/bfdi/tpot/(whatever other acronyms ya want for the show!). More specifically, of bfb, starting around the time of bfb 3-10.

Lights Out is a horror au that centers around Liy snapping after her elimination, escaping the EXIT, and going totally apeshit.

Lights Out was originally an au that I created back in 2019, and worked on with my old friend for a bit. But we never got anywhere, and he's not really my friend anymore, so I figured I'd just do it myself (with some help from a new friend! Sorry old friend. I won't post your name here in case anyone wants to hate on you for...whatever reasons. People are strange.)

Lights Out is a horror au, and features blood and gore, violence, death, trauma, hallucinations, weapons such as knives, baseball bats, and other creative things she finds ways to use. (And maybe a gun? I dunno.) and psychological horror. If you're a little kid, or you're sensitive to these topics, I don't recommend reading it.

That being said, if you're continuing, you prolly like this kinda stuff. So let's move on!

WHAT IS LIGHTS OUT?

I plan on making it a fic, but I'd also love to make it into a comic someday. That being said, I don't have the time or art skills to do that right now, or I'd be doing it right away.

WHERE DID YOU COME UP WITH THE IDEA?

Well, I've had this headcanon for Liy for a while, and me and that friend were talking, and we were jokin around and one of us said something or other about this being a good idea for an au. So, voila! Boom!

WHY LIY?

I...dunno. I mean, she's portrayed as "snapping" in a sense during her actual elimination in bfb, so I guess I just wanted to take it up a notch.

IS THIS SERIOUS?/HOW DEDICATED ARE YOU?/DO YOU NEED HELP?/IS THIS PAID?/ETC.

This is just for fun! I always wanted to make it but I kinda forgot about it. I figured it might be fun to revamp it here, especially with a bigger audience than on the other site i was publishing it on. It's not paid, I might not get around to doing it for a long time, and I don't really need anymore help than I'm already getting!

DOES MY FAV DIE?

Probably. I mean, unless your fav is Liy then...pretty good chance of it. I won't spoil it, though!

63 to go...

WHERE CAN I READ IT?

Probably here (on Tumblr) or on AO3. I'm undecided.

WHEN WILL YOU START?/WHEN WILL IT BE UPDATED?

I don't know. Could be any time from within a few days to a few months. I'm a tad busy with stuff right now, so I'll get to it eventually.

WILL THE POTENTIAL COMIC OR COMICS HAVE GRAPHIC VIOLENCE/BLOOD/GORE? WILL THE FIC HAVE THIS?

YES. LIGHTS OUT IS A HORROR/PSYCHOLOGICAL HORROR AU AND WILL HAVE GRAPHIC/POTENTIALLY DETAILED DEPICTIONS OF VIOLENCE, BLOOD AND GORE, CHARACTER DEATHS, MURDER, KILLING, VIOLENT/INTRUSIVE THOUGHTS, AND PSYCHOLOGICAL HORROR INCLUDING BUT NOT LIMITED TO HALLUCINATIONS, TRAUMA, PANIC ATTACKS, VIOLENT IMPULSES, BREAKDOWNS, PARANOIA, SUICIDAL/HOMICIDAL/BOTH THOUGHTS, AND DELUSIONS.

IF ANY OF THESE MAKE YOU UNCOMFORTABLE, UPSET YOU, OR COULD TRIGGER PTSD, PLEASE DO NOT READ THIS. GO FIND SOMETHING ELSE.

With that out of the way, here we go!

Also, yes, I moved blogs. This is its own main now! Yippee ☆

#lights out au #liy bfb #osc #bfb #lights out bfb #bfb au #bfdi #tpot

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jocksid · 1 year

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Jock Sid

Welcome to my little corner of lusting for masculine men in all their iterations. If you knew me as Bros in the Closet, then I'm afraid to say my old blog was nuked. I'm not gonna reupload my old content, I'll just push forward. In fact, I'm gonna take this opportunity to change up my themes a little. Rationalize the ones that are very similar, get rid of some that don't interest me anymore, and maybe try to do things with a bit more depth and complexity, in the vain of Homolania or Jocked. For now, if you want in-depth descriptions of my current hashtags, check out my website.

In the meantime, check out my Twitter (https://x.com/Jocksid). Or my published works, if you're so inclined (Amazon).

My novel :)

My other published stories;

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Rapid fire, these are what my themes are about:-

Pure fantasy

#homolania, the land governed by the Party under the rule of Homofascism that mandates all citizens be gay with dire consequences if they're not; #poundtown - an all-gay town and the sexual shenanigans that go on there; #bullbarn is an institute that hires "bulls" - high-T alpha men who are paid to breed (mpreg); #man&boiwife, for alpha husbands who take omega bois as wives to breed them to build large families of sons (mpreg)

Bros

#jocked follows Coaches who train young men to be gay jocks, bulls or cheerleaders; #gymbros is about my boi Mark who makes sexual sport of the men at the Warriors of Sparta gym; #brocode codifies rules of life for sexually confused bros to keep them honest and bro (only not); #pornstarstateofmind for all men taken by egosexuality and sexual narcissism; #boyswillbeboys, cause won't they?

At your service

#diaryofagoodboi, the cummings and cummings of a good boi - a service-oriented man who devotes his life to pleasing other men; #himbosRus, for all the dumb-dumb himbos out there who just wanna be good sluts for men; #yourbigdumbboyfriend is about your boyfriend, who's very big and very dumb.

Just gay things

#gaychad makes clear that gay men can be alphas, and how! #asktell, as in don't ask, don't tell, for closeted men who engage in gay sex, often with other closeted men, and don't want anyone to know about it; #dadsandlads, for every guy who's thought the word "daddy" and got hard; #straightmate is good-natured straight men engaging sexually with their gay friends.

Getting toxic

#worshipyourbully focuses on bullies and the fuckmeat who service them; #topsrule deprecates bottoms and puts tops on a pedestal; #conquered puts one man under the heel of another, usually in some kind of role-reversal (for instance, a younger man domming an older man).

My packs

Finally, I like writing about groups of men (packs) who live in dens and follow certain codes of ethics; #fenris for all the wolves who seek loyal brotherhood above all else; #tauron for all the dirty, filthy beasts; #ares for the toxic fuckbois who only top; #meatheads for all the roided pieces of muscle meat; #cerise for butch bottoms who live to make tops their bitches; #orion for beautiful, prissy stars; #summer for the drones who want to surrender their individuality to the hive; #liberius for black kings showing their superiority; #rosiée for fem twinks chasing that straight dick.

Other

#realmen is daft little comments about what it takes to be a "real man"; #gayagenda is about how to spread gayness far and wide (both of these are silly and purely for fun... unlike everything else I write which is deathly serious!)

-----

And that's everything I think. If you knew my previous blog then you'll notice that #femsontop, #trophybody, #fuckmeat, #bisexualking #ruggered, #str8h8, #goodboi and #bro4bro are all gone. I'll still be writing their content, they'll just fall under one of the other themes that fits the same vibe.

Thanks for supporting me and enjoying my content.

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sugoi-and-spice · 2 months

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1, 18, 22, and 23 <— for the writers asks :)

The Writer Ask Game! (Gahh, these are so fun! ^_^)

1. the last sentence you wrote

Ah, this is a little sneak peak of the next chapter actually. ^_^

Instead, Iguchi just shoved him back onto the bed, then stormed back over to his own, muttering about what a spoiled asshole he was all the way over.

18. if you keep them, share a deleted sentence or paragraph from a published fic.

I started to write a chapter where MC, Shigaraki, and Iguchi go to a climbing/bouldering gym, but ultimately scrapped it. I still like the concept though, so I'll probably bring it back in some form or another in the sequel, though without this particular version of banter, since this takes place when MC and Shigaraki are still trying to deny their feelings for each other. xD

Little more than a paragraph, but I have a feeling y'all won't complain.

“I thought we were already rock-climbing,” Shigaraki said as she knelt down in front of him to adjust the harness around his waist.

“Nah, that was bouldering.”

“What’s the difference?”

“Besides the harness?” she chuckled, then nodded towards one of the walls they were actually going to climb, which was at least three times the height of the tallest wall they’d covered in the other section of the gym.

“Huh,” he acknowledged with a twitch of his mouth.

That actually looked kind of fun.

She secured the last strap and then tapped Shigaraki on his outer thigh for his attention, “Alright, is that too tight?”

He just smirked down at her, “I don’t know. Maybe you should give it a feel and check.”

“You realize I’m in prime nut-tapping position right now, right?” she deadpanned, “Might not want to piss me off.”

Oh, he was painfully aware of her position right now. About fifty different scenarios of her sucking his dick right now had cycled through his head just in the time since she asked that question.

22. do you every worry about public reaction to what you're writing? how do you get past that?

Hmmm, not much. Not anymore at least. When I first started this blog I was a bit worried about potential harassment since I do write dark and problematic content. But I've really only received one or two mean comments/anon messages in the, what, 2 years I've been posting this content? And I just deleted them.

Haha that being said, I think I'm actually a little nervous about whether or not people will like this next chapter. It's pretty much entirely Shigaraki and Iguchi backstory and it also weaves in a lot of really personal viewpoints and experiences with mental illness, so I do hope I do that representation justice.

23. pick three keywords that describe your writing

Ooooh, I'd say angsty and problematic, but also, ultimately healing.

I really love exploring toxic relationships and complicated dynamics in my fics, and particularly I really like to examine how characters can grow from and out of those dynamics and become better people. I love to write growth and character arcs.

...now, would it probably be a bit more moral if I didn't also write these fics as love stories? If Play Nice was a cautionary tale and I wrote about how MC is able to get away from Shigaraki and move on with her life? Haha, yeah probably.

But where's the fun in that?

#spice chats #writers game #play nice fic

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tetrakys · 2 years

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I'm sorry it's been a hot minute since I interacted with the fandom but what is happening with Eldarya??? Also what is call of the dragon?? 👀

Oh boy anon... where to start?!

Let me try to draw a timeline...

1. The company decided to cut Eldarya in two seasons, move Lance's introduction as LI to season 2, remove other LIs and give the game to another creator since around episode 22 of TO. Since then Chino has stopped working on Eldarya and, this is my personal opinion, the person who took over had no interest in romance because since then the only romantic interactions we've had in Eldarya have been a few random sex scenes. No deep dialogues, no dates, no cuddling, not even kissing except maybe one or two exceptions and this has continued all the way through season 2.

2. In March 2021 the company hosting Beemoov's servers in Europe caught fire. Beemoov's servers were destroyed, fortunately most backups were in another building so all their games and accounts were saved except for... you guess it, Eldarya. All European language accounts were lost and the american and brazillian servers were the only ones who got spared. We all lost our accounts and the company had to come up with a way to bring people back to the game. They created a new free currency for TO and opened a shop for a few months. This led to the first season becoming completely unprofitable, plus lots of people never came back since then. Mostly old players who used to spend money on their collections.

3. New games started to be developped, Uncoven and Henri's Secret season 2. The "new" Eldarya creator went off to write Uncoven at the same time as still being theoretically in charge of Eldarya. The company started to recycle events mechanics both in MCL and Eldarya so everyone has been unhappy with events in both games because they are extremely repetitive since basically two years.

4. ANE's writing has gone more and more downhill. It'd started decently but because the writer was new and had no idea what happened in TO nor what were Chino's characters backhrounds and history, the story is full of plot holes, contraddicting things all the time and all the characters' personalities have changed. It reads like a different game.

5. Lots of people have left, very few are playing the game at this point, and even less are spending money on it, so it's very very obvious that the company is just letting it die, the game is often bugged and the art quality is a hit or miss. Only 2 episodes are left at this point. Fans who still cling to it are angry. Fans who abandoned are sad. No one wants to play ANE anymore but lots of people wish there was a revamp of the game once ANE ends, with good writing and art. However, because the game isn't making money right now the company won't invest in something that is not profitable.

This is it I think 🤔

About your last question, Eldarya: the Dragon's Call is a story I'm writing and publishing on my AO3. The main plot is Chinomiko's and we brainstorm together all events and characters' backgrounds and personalities. This is the story of Lance's route and Valkyon’s routes if she were to make Alternate Eldarya games. Because at the moment this isn't planned I asked her if I could write it and share it with people and she kidly said yes. If the company ever decides to make Alternate Eldarya games I will delete it. If you want to read this story, links are in the pinned post in my blog, I've released 4 chapters so far and the 5th is coming this weekend ☺️

#eldarya #eldarya rambling #edc

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bettsfic · 1 year

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Hi Beth! I’ve tried to get a couple essays/poems published in literary magazines, but it is always so painful to get rejected, and I’m wondering if it is even worth it to continue pursuing publication. Do people even read the stuff that comes out in literary magazines anymore? There are a few that I read occasionally, but honestly, it feels like a waste of time and emotional energy to read and submit to magazines that in the long term won’t really change anything for me.

Should I just keep writing and posting stuff to my own social media/blogs instead?

that's a great question! the answer depends on your goals.

if you want to get into an MFA program...

lit mag publishing is helpful but not necessary to get into a good program. moreover, part of what you'll be doing in the MFA is learning about publishing, so you'll be doing that work there anyway. the MFA is also for exploration, so if you don't really have your own aesthetic defined yet, it makes sense to wait and focus on your writing sample for your grad application.

if you want to become a creative writing professor...

hands down, if you want to be in academia, you need to be well published. submitting is more or less a part-time job. rack up those CV lines.

(for this you'll also need an MFA, so that's the first step regardless.)

if you want to get an agent and publish a book...

lit mag publications can be helpful when querying agents, and once you sign an agent, those publications will help them pitch your book to editors. it shows that you've been through a formal editorial process on a smaller scale before venturing to one on a bigger scale. in some ways, if it helps, you can see lit mag publishing as practice for book publishing.

if you want to be read...

write fanfic.

what i mean is, you're right, other than like The New Yorker and Granta and whatnot, lit mags don't tend to have a wide distribution. if you have a greater readership and more meaningful interaction on social media, then it makes sense to share your work with the audience you've already built.

however, if you get published in an online magazine, you can have the best of both worlds: it's a formal publication *and* your existing readership will have access to it. also, if you're publishing poetry, a lot of my poet friends screencap the poem from the publication and share it on social media. but i'm not a poet, so i'm not sure what exactly the etiquette there is.

if you want to make money...

hard stop, you won't make significant money publishing in lit mags. you could make significant money pitching articles to news outlets and regular magazines, though. a lot of writers make a career on that.

if you want to live the writing life...

what i mean by "the writing life" is the big picture of things. it's not about publishing, it's about everything. when you choose the writing life, you're choosing to put your writing above all other things (professionally, i mean. lots of writers have families and a social life).

the writing life is a gamut: you get an MFA, you maybe get a PhD, you teach, you publish, you edit, you apply to grants, you keep up your CV, you get some awards, you go to residencies, and so on. and once you get a book out, you get ARCs, you blurb, you mentor, you do readings, you go on book tours, you do interviews.

and if that's your goal, lit mag publishing becomes occasional but eternal. you're settled in for the long con and so you don't have to push so hard. for me anyway, i only submit when i come across a magazine i like. i spend most of my submission and rejection energy on residencies and grants.

i went to a talk by Mary Gaitskill once and someone asked her if publishing ever gets easier. she said that book publishing gets easier because you can become established and gain an audience, but lit mag publishing is always hard. she's one of the most lauded living American writers, and she said she still gets lit mag rejections.

if you've finished something you're proud of and want to find a home for it...

this is why most writers publish, i think. it's less about clout and prestige and whatever else, and more about putting your work on a shelf and being able to say, "this belongs somewhere that it can be seen and appreciated." i have a folder in my drive called "homeless stories" and it's full of pieces that i either tried to publish and gave up on, or stories that i didn't feel like sending out. i have probably 10x more original work that hasn't seen the light of day than work that has.

if you hate the idea of sitting on a story or a poem, then keep looking for a home for it.

if you want to avoid rejections...

there's no way to avoid rejections. they're inherent in any pursuit where your work has to go through a gate of approval. but i promise you, rejections are meaningless. your favorite author has received a thousand of them. a rejection means your work didn't suit the taste of the editor, and when you receive a rejection, it's helpful to remind yourself that their taste probably sucks. a rejection means your work met a slush reader who had a headache that day and wasn't reading closely enough. a rejection means a magazine got hundreds of submissions and maybe you made it to the longlist or the shortlist but you'll never know because not all mags tell you that. a rejection means that maybe one of the editors fought hard for your piece and lost.

handling rejection gets easier as you accumulate acceptances. every acceptance you get means some editor somewhere read your piece and vibed with it, and values the work you're doing.

in short:

stop submitting if you feel like you're not ready to publish, or

keep submitting if you're ready to and you're in it for the long con

and in closing, i'll tell you what every professor and mentor i've ever had has told me (and which i hated to hear): publishing will always be there for you. there's no hurry.

#writing advice #publishing

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ash-and-books · 3 months

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Rating: 3.5/5

Book Blurb:

A delightfully queer Victorian love story, featuring a boldly brash trans hero, the beguiling botanist who captures his heart, and a buoyant bicycle race by the British seaside — from the author of The Duke Undone.

Former painter and unreformed rake Kit Griffith is forging a new life in Cornwall, choosing freedom over an identity that didn't fit. He knew that leaving his Sisterhood of women artists might mean forfeiting artistic community forever. He didn’t realize he would lose his ability to paint altogether. Luckily, he has other talents. Why not devote himself to selling bicycles and trysting with the holidaymakers?

Enter Muriel Pendrake, the feisty New-York-bound botanist who has come to St. Ives to commission Kit for illustrations of British seaweeds. Kit shouldn’t accept Muriel’s offer, but he must enlist her help to prove to an all-male cycling club that women can ride as well as men. And she won't agree unless he gives her what she wants. Maybe that's exactly the challenge he needs.

As Kit and Muriel spend their days cycling together, their desire begins to burn with the heat of the summer sun. But are they pedaling toward something impossible? The past is bound to catch up to them, and at the season’s end, their paths will diverge. With only their hearts as guides, Kit and Muriel must decide if they’re willing to race into the unknown for the adventure of a lifetime.

Review:

Former artist and unreformed rake Kit Griffith is determined to prove to his all male cycling club that women can ride as well as men, and that means getting a feisty botanist to ride with him in exchange for him painting for her botany project... the only catch? He has an art block and he might be falling for her despite him vowing that he would never do anything more than a fling. Kit Griffith used to be a woman but finally left behind his old self and finally made his own identity... but he didn't realize that leaving behind his Sisterhood of women artists would also costs him his ability to paint. Kit can't seem to paint anymore but he now has other hobbies: selling bicycles and trysting with as many women as possible. Then he meets Muriel Pendrake, a feisty New-York bound botanist who has come to St. Ives to commission Kit for illustrations of British seaweeds. Kit's all male-cycling club is having a bet: if he can get a female cyclist to ride with him through a certain period of time and beat the time, against male cyclists, then they will open the club up to more people... but he needs a female cyclist.. and Muriel would be the perfect person Muriel's condition for her riding with him is that : he has to paint for her and he agrees... despite knowing that he can't paint but he's hoping it's the challenge he needs. As Muriel and Kit spend more time together they begin to fall for one another... but could it even be possible when Kit doesn't do anything serious and he still hasn't told Muriel his own past or the fact that he knows he can't paint for her? This was definitely a fun read and I absolutely adored the queer representation in this. It was a really unique and fun representation of the queer historical experience and I thought the story was enjoyable overall. I did wish that there was a bit more focus on the plot and story because at times it felt so slow or just a bit clunky. however it was a fantastic read overall and I would absolutely recommend it!

Release Date: June 18,2024

Publication/Blog: Ash and Books (ash-and-books.tumblr.com)

*Thanks Netgalley and Berkley Publishing Group | Berkley for sending me an arc in exchange for an honest review*

#book review #bookish #book #lgbtq books #queer #queer books #a shore thing

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deannagrey · 9 months

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A Mendell Christmas: Part Two

A/N: I meant to have this up so much sooner! The end of the year was far busier than I expected. And because I had to take care of some personal things, my writing became a low priority. Thankfully, I finally have time to sit down again.

This Christmas project became far longer than I expected (I still have one more part to post). When I finished this part, I hesitated to share it because it didn't feel exciting or interesting. It felt too cheesy. But then I remembered how much I used to write when I was younger. And how much I used to just want to have fun. So, I've decided that's what all my posts on this Tumblr will be: simple fun. The characters might be all over the place, the dialogue might sound weird, and there probably won't be any real plot. But I want a space to have fun again. Writing as a job has been a blessing but it's not my escape anymore. I miss it being my escape.

So, for the year ahead I want to post random writing on this blog! Stories, shorts, and snapshots of characters that may or may not be in my published books. This is my sandbox. My place for quiet moments with the characters I love. I hope you enjoy this quiet moment with Finn and Sam. I had so much fun being back in their heads and spending more time with them.

Happy New Year! I hope 2024 brings you everything you desire. I hope you enjoy these small moments too.

(Also apologies for any inaccuracies! I'm Florida-born & raised, I don't know how frozen lake fishing works and didn't want to do research for such a small piece of writing lol)

Finn

“We’re going on a road trip,” Sam said as he joined me in the kitchen.

“When?” I stirred sugar into Naomi’s morning tea.

“As soon as you get your shoes on,” he said.

I looked up, noting how he was already dressed. “Are we in a hurry?”

“Oh yeah.” Sam glanced at the time on his phone. “Should have left here an hour ago.”

“You’re not going to get everyone else ready on such a tight schedule. You know Henrik’s going to need at least an hour to make food to pack.”

“Well it’s a good thing they’re not invited, isn’t it?”

I raised my brow at Sam’s smile. It’s the first time I’ve seen his smile reach his eyes since Aderyn asked for space and time. There’s a lightness to his energy. An excitement I’ve been trying to draw out of him for weeks. I kept failing over and over until disappointment became an all too familiar feeling.

Being there for Naomi felt like putting on custom-made skates with the blades perfectly sharpened for a smoothed rink surface. When trying to comfort the guys, I was in secondhand skates, trying to stay upright on an uneven, frozen lake.

Maybe today could be different. Sam was already primed for a good time. All I had to do was lean in and try to summon a bit of old Finn energy. Some part of me must remember how to be a good friend to him. If not, I'd learn. I'd already learned how to talk to people again…kind of.

“What’s the destination?” I asked while topping off Naomi’s drink with oat milk.

“A trip down memory lane,” Sam said. “It’s my not-so-secret Santa gift.”

My stomach jumped, curiosity making me more alert. I’d been vehemently against learning about my past earlier this semester. But after finding my own rhythm and becoming more confident in the person I was now, I couldn’t help but harbor a bit of wonder about what I’d left behind. What memories I’d once shared now only belonged to one person.

“That cool with you?” Sam asked just in case. “It’s fine if not. I know you’ve been hesitant but figured—or maybe hoped—you were more comfortable with it now that things seem to be better for you. You're more settled.”

“Umm…” My mind was trying to catch up to everything.

“I got a far more traditional gift option as a plan B,” Sam offered.

“No, I mean, yeah, I’m cool with that. With the memory lane,” I said quickly. My curiosity evolved into nerves. What if I didn’t like it and that fucked up his mood again? I wasn’t good at faking happiness. Hell, I was barely good at expressing happiness even when it was genuine.

“Relax,” Sam said gently. “If you hate it we’ll come right back, no questions asked.”

The muscles in my shoulders loosened a bit.

“Sound good?” he asked.

“Sounds great,” I assured.

Sam

Whenever Finn was keeping something to himself, he became an excessive throat clearer. Even after his accident that hadn’t changed. On the ride out of town, I listened to his symphony of nerves. And let him go on until I decided to throw him a line.

“It’s a good memory,” I promised and smiled over at him. “If that does anything to help your anxiety.”

Finn grunted, pretending to be more interested in whatever he was doing on his phone.

“A memory that'll make you feel all fuzzy and warm,” I teased. "Like the teddy bear, you truly are thanks to Naomi."

He rolled his eyes. “That so?”

“Yup.” I put on my turning signal, pulling off of the busy highway.

Finn and I used to be inseparable when we were in middle school. As we got older we were far less codependent but still close. Close enough for it to sting like hell when I realized he wasn’t going to remember most of what we’d been through.

Sometimes, when I looked at Finn, I saw the guy who used to sneak me an extra Jello in the lunch room because he knew how rough the first half of my day was. Sometimes I saw the hothead who’d threaten anyone who hurt me even though most of the time he was far outnumbered. Sometimes I saw the guy who told me I’d be the best choice for captain despite my then doubts. Those parts of him were still there and alive. So even if the parts of him we shared were forever gone, I found comfort in those memories.

“It’s not my goal to try and spark something,” I said gently. “Today is just for fun. We really loved this place. I still do and I figured you should see it and maybe…I don’t know, you might find some joy here too. What was that thing you told me about muscle memory?”

“I can always count on it.”

“Exactly. I wanted you to feel that this year. Remember you can have something to count on and a place to go if you need.”

It was quiet for a minute as I made our final turn. Finn cleared his throat once more before saying, “Thanks…for letting me know you’re not trying to trigger a memory. I like the idea of just being here…with you.”

“Look at us, a couple of assholes with hearts. What have Naomi and Aderyn done to us…?” My mood shifted slightly at my mention of Aderyn. I chewed on my bottom lip, hoping Finn didn’t sense my brief dip in energy. Unfortunately, he’s getting better at reading between the lines.

“I don’t know how to get you to talk about it,” Finn confessed. “I’m sure there was a method I used before.”

“It’s fine,” I said quickly. “I usually mope around until one of you guys gets pissed enough to drag it out of me. You weren’t the only one to try and help.”

“I know but…I was your person, right? Your main person.”

My main person. That’d shifted over the years. I bounced between all the guys. And now, Aderyn was in that mix. She could have probably been at the center of it if things hadn’t gotten so twisted.

“You still are.” I pulled into a parking spot that faced the river.

“I just have to figure out how to make you talk,” he said.

“Don't stress about it too much. I'm good. Or, will be good eventually."

Finn followed my lead out of the car. He watched as I unloaded a gym bag and a couple of folding chairs from the trunk. He was quiet until he saw me check the bag for my ice pick.

“We’re not secretly murderers, are we?” he asked when he saw my stash.

I snorted. I'm sure he was joking but Finn’s deadpan delivery often left me with some uncertainty.

“Nope. Just two fishermen are about to waste their time while the sun comes up.”

Finn frowned when I tossed him the extra bag of supplies. “We’re going out there?”

His finger pointed toward the frozen lake. Snowfall had been sparse this morning. The lake would be picturesque once the sun leaked over the horizon. We were already getting a sneak peek of what the morning would have to offer, so I decided to hurry Finn up.

“Correct me if I’m wrong but we don’t feel like people who fish,” Finn called after me.

I laughed as I continued our trek forward. The snow crunched underneath my boots. “We weren’t until we met Mr. Meyers."

Finn paused for a second. "Mr. Meyers?"

I froze too, my stomach jumping with excitement. "You remember?"

"Not at all."

It was hard to mask my slight disappointment. Sometimes – when I least expected – it hurts to hold memories on my own.

"Meyers was an old guy who spent all his free time over there during the summer." I pointed to the boardwalk about a half mile away. "And around here in the winter."

I gestured to the middle of the lake. At our backs was the parking lot and to our front a dark, thick tree line that was covered in frost. It smelled like sixth grade out here, all pine needles and frozen earth.

"We met him out here when we decided we would become Boy Scouts." I unfolded the chairs and pulled out our Thermos. Henrik had enough time to force me into packing something warm to drink. I was grateful for his persistence now that the cold wind was biting at our skin. Finn let out an agreeing sigh when I offered him the Thermos.

"We were Boy Scouts?" Finn asked.

"No, not officially." I chuckled at his look of confusion. "We wanted to be but your folks couldn't afford the annual membership at the time and wouldn't accept the money from my dad."

He nodded. "I suppose I wouldn't have either. At least not now…it doesn't feel right."

"You're stubborn. Always have been, always will be," I agreed. "But I would have convinced you to take it if your parents didn't have the final say. But, anyway, we decided we'd be Boy Scouts on our own. And that meant earning badges on our own. Of course, our first attempt couldn't be something simple like learning to tie a knot. No, we wanted to fish in the dead of winter. Like someone in a post-apocalyptic Arctic landscape, as you put it – you were really into post-apocalyptic books back then."

"Was I?" Finn nodded and undoubtedly tucked that information away for later like he always did with tidbits I shared.

"Hardcore. So you had me out here hammering away at the ice with a screwdriver." I laughed at the memory of us on our hands and knees, trying to chip away the ice with runny noses and burning ears. "Mr. Meyers saw and got on us until he was blue in the face. When we finally got a word in, we let him know that we weren't trying to crack through the lake and drown. But we were trying to be resourceful members of society. He folded then and decided as a former boy scout himself, it was his job to teach us everything he knew."

Finn smiled and I motioned for him to come closer. I talked him through how Mr. Meyers showed us the way to create a clean circle in the ice. I explained how we were supposed to pick a spot where the ice was thickest and the cracks were little to non-existent.

"He made us badges," I said when we settled into our seats. "Whenever we learned something new and proved ourselves to him, he'd have these incredibly unique badges that'd he designed from scratch. The guys at school got so jealous that some of them quit the Boy Scouts and wanted to be taught under Meyers."

"Did they?"

I shook my head and pulled out our fishing rods. "Meyers wouldn't teach anyone but me and you. Said he only had enough time and energy for two pupils. And he only had enough extra cash for two sets of badges. For a moment, we were the cool kids…until people decided Boy Scouts were dorky and gaming was everything."

"Sounds like we had a lot of fun." Finn smiled. Maybe he was playing the spoken memory over in his head, trying to fill in details to construct something he'd be able to recall. Or maybe he was simply smiling because I hadn't stopped. I felt good today. Better than I had in a while and that's because I enjoyed being outside. I enjoyed the open sky, the chilled air, and being able to sit across from Finn. I loved my friends but these quiet moments with Finn were few and far between. After almost losing him, I cherished this.

"I'm sorry," I said, my smile fading when I realized what I'd done.

"Huh?" Finn frowned.

"I…I brought you here as a gift but just realized–" I sighed and ran my hand over my head. "This was more of a gift for me than you. I was being selfish bringing you here. I thought it'd be nice to get away and be like we used to but this doesn't mean much to you."

"Sam, this is good. This is fun," Finn said firmly. "I'm having fun."

The tightness in my chest loosened. "Really?"

"I'm not a good liar just yet," he reminded me with a smile.

"True." I laughed in agreement and leaned over to bait my hook. Finn did the same, listening to my instructions on how to do it. He watched me toss the line in before mimicking my motion.

"I have something else for you," I announced once our hooks had sunk. "You didn't get to earn your last badges because, like the other guys at school, you thought Boy Scouts were dorky."

"Really?" Finn's forehead furrowed as if he was disappointed in himself.

"Yeah, but I kept coming to hang out with Meyers," I said. "Got a couple more badges until he got sick."

"Is he…" Finn paused, not sure how to finish.

"He's fine," I quickly confirmed. "Lives in Florida now with his granddaughter."

Finn nodded, relieved for a man he didn't remember but would forever be tied to through me.

"I got him to send over the badges you didn't get to earn." I dug through my bag and pulled them out. I'd wrapped each one in green and red striped paper. They were misshaped and poorly taped up presents but Finn accepted them like they were precious pieces of gold.

"You can't open them yet," I reminded him. Lincoln wanted all of us to open them together. Since a fishing trip couldn't be wrapped, I figured it was best to do it before Christmas. But, the tangible gifts were to be kept for later.

"But you when do–" I shrugged and laughed, feeling silly all of a sudden. "--we could finish earning them together. Like, gradually, throughout the year when we have time. I already have mine so I could make sure to teach you how to do it. Teach you in a way I'm sure Meyers will be proud–at least, I hope. You could finally fill up your sash–even though it's probably collecting dust in your family's basement and you don't care like that. But lately, you've been really into renovating the house and you look like you used to when we were kids."

"That's why I like doing it," Finn said as he took a deep breath. "I think the muscle memory part of me liked figuring out the practical."

I smiled. "I think so too. It's a part of you."

"This was perfect, Sam. I…thank you." Finn looked back down at his badges, which now felt like pieces of himself he didn't know were missing. "I can't wait to earn these with you."

"Not too dorky anymore, is it?" I teased.

He shook his head. "Not in the slightest."

We were quiet for a moment, enjoying the sun's heat as it crawled up in the sky and the warm tea that I'd accidentally put too much sugar in. The fish never bit. Finn never remembered Meyers on his own. But none of that mattered. We were happy. We were once again on track to earn badges. Once again trying to figure shit out together.

#mendellhawksseries

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