#and maybe ill have my needs met someday and be able to express myself and ill stop feeling so alone in tha world.... | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

toxxicognaths · 3 months ago

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The desire to apologize for every minute detail of every single action I take or word I speak is so fucking overwhelming I hate it. Especially because I know almost every bit of it is an irrational thought brought on by anxiety and/or self hatred n self esteem issues. But knowing that has never made a single dent in stopping the thoughts from flooding over my mind. At this point I feel like stitching my mouth shut and becoming a complete recluse with no social ties would be the only way to stop these feelings but that's obviously not an option. Could kill myself but that in itself is a bad idea for a while separate host of reasons and if I'm dead I can't apologize for being dead and leaving my loved ones anyway so definitely can't do that.

And especially when it's things I've expressed to people already just... God it fucking sucks. I'm never hurt or annoyed when people reiterate to me that these thoughts aren't based in reality and there's nothing to apologize for or whatever. Like. They're stating facts, facts I need to hear. Even if they wanted to word it like "stop being crazy spazzoid" I wouldn't mind. I just fucking hate when it's something that ends up casting the blame towards someone else. Like a worry I have that ends up implying someone is lying to me or secretly hates me or wants to hurt me in some way when I know that isn't the case. Like I hate that my brain will actively hear people give me words of reassurance and then spit it back in their faces claiming it's a lie or a platitude at best or that I just somehow know better and they're wrong and no, the irrational thought that tells me I'm inherently evil and awful is right and you're wrong for thinking I'm anything more than scum. Like it's just like soooo fun to have an active fucking war zone in your head anytime you interact with anyone! I love it! I wish I never made any of the social ties I've ever made and truly expressly hope I never make any more ever again! Because I can't keep doing this! I can't keep living like this! I can't keep hating myself so much that my own mouth isn't enough and I have to shove words into other peoples' at every turn! It's not enough that my brain twists my own thoughts into a labyrinth of suicidal ideation and self hatred and catastrophization, I have to force other people to join in on it depsite knowing beyond a shadow of a doubt that those people don't harbor any ill will towards me! I fucking hate this! I hate that I could ever be so awful so as to wish I hadn't met some of the most beautiful and kind souls in this world. That because I feel like I don't deserve them I have to convince myself that they feel the same way. I hate that I would ever think such awful things about good, honest people.

I'm so exhausted. I'm so sick of being the person that I am. I wish I was anyone else. I wish I had never existed in the first place. I wish that no one else in the world was aware of my existence. I want to wake up one day and find that everyone has forgotten who I am and that nobody wants anything to do with me. That way if I somehow have done any good in my life for anyone at least that won't be undone.

I know it's fucking insane and crazy and irrational to think I actively harm people by being in their life to any extent but I think this feeling has spiraled out of anxiety around my suicidal ideation. I'm worried I will someday hurt myself or succeed at killing myself and that'll of course effect the people in my life. And that's morally wrong to put them through that. So, by knowing me, I am putting people in harm's way because I can't currently see myself living without suicidal thoughts. I would like to get professional help and maybe medication to deal with all this but I know I'll never be able to afford it. I don't want people to worry about me. Of course expressing that to someone is never anything more than an expression of care, compassion, and love, but it burns so terribly to hear that someone is worrying about me or my mental state. I hate that I put people through that. And for /me/ of all people. God's sake.

I hate that no matter how many times someone can tell me I haven't done anything wrong or hurt them and know that they mean it, know they're being honest, know they only have my best interests at heart, I can't believe them. Not for long, anyway. I know myself to be a terrible, irredeemable monster of a person and I can't understand why or how anyone sees me as anything better than that. I'm so tired.

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kipaparappa · 2 years ago

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For that I don't think I will be able to become a mother someday

I have always been lonely since the time I can't even remember. Sometimes loneliness came in how cold my body felt, weird tingling, jolt, even smell that I used to hate as a child. I barely ever experience the surge of that emotion like I did as an adult but loneliness turns into something that I live with, like a background, like air.

The first time I was ever introduced by dr Penny this conception of "inner child" was truly overwhelming. As a child, I used to have thousands of questions. As I see danish growing up, I could see my reflection in him on how I used to behave as a child. difference is now people are warmed up, more loving, we got a lot more resources. Not that I want to acclaim that my childhood was filled with money constraint but I was met with a lot of emotional turmoil that never had any chance to find their resolutions.

I was highly intelligent as a child. Even I acknowledge my own emotional maturity since early age. The only difference is that now I learnt on how to shut up and let go. people often labeled me as emotional and dramatic, but truly all I ever wanted was closure. My family, mom to be precise, did a lot of questionable things. And I am that type of bastard who desperately needed to make sense over every little things. I hate that part about me, on how desperately I feel the needs of connecting every dots. I don't know what was the exact reason, probably because I have been very good at composing words that are meant to kill, but argue is something my mom would kill to avoid. I don't know if it's because she her feelings of love was fluctuating as it was truly exhausting to bear and raise a child, but there are times when I felt severely unloved. I have had an independent desire since I was young, but the only times I ever wanted to feel the love, she neglected me.

I have faced with a lot of life-threatening conditions throughout my early years, it was truly difficult for me to survive, but these emotional absence will never be comparable with all those illness. Because I carry the scars till the day I lay upon my eternal rest. And it's going to haunt me till then. Whenever I try to make a scene over something, it truly was for a reason. It's so strange how things I experienced since I was really really small still left an open wound to a soon-to-be-30 me. The most painful ones are in my school years. There are a lot that I still clearly remember. When I was sad she would called me out for hitting puberty, or put me in a new school, expressed her discontent towards anything I was passionate about. When I was about to graduate highschool, there was not any single day that went by where I didn't shed any single tears. I screamed "mama" out loud in my room, hit myself, wailed until I passed out, but no one ever come knocking my door. Not even my mind was able to project her face, the warmth of her hands, or any words that would possibly calm me down. Those days were the days I killed her in my memory and decided to become the mother of my own to ease myself from the pain that she caused.

The most agonizing part of them all was the letting go part. The part that I have to accept things the way they are. The fact that I have to stop deluding myself with hope that someday things might change for the better. The fact that I have to close the door and walk away form everything. And in this case, the closest thing that should've kept your heart warm, family. I killed everyone, everyone is dead in my heart. I am a cold-blooded murder. I only survive for the status, for the sanity. But God knows how much I want to dis attach myself from everything. How much I want to start over, and find my family of things. Maybe by then I can look back and start forgiving myself. By the time I can find people who would accept me the way I am, who could love me the way my family was never able to. I know it's more than impossible, chances are tremendously low, but I just want to become my own person. I want to mother myself, pamper myself, warm myself with thousands of love, thousands of words, thousands of every little things that I was not able to receive.

I don't have any confidence of becoming a mother for that. Kids crying alone was able to trigger my trauma. Because I used to cry like them too for different reason. And I can't. Not even a mother, I don't even have desire to get married or love anymore. I have become a living robot who's counting down to the day when I finally can put everything to an end. Earlier today one of my past co-worker was announced dead. How much I wish it was me instead.. How much I want to put all these exhaustion to its final rest...

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youcancallmemeimei · 5 years ago

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i didn’t like seeing the sunlight today so i slept like from the morning and just woke up. here is 12:25am. And it’s pretty quite which i like i wish there is no sound and sometime wish people just speak with handsigns so i can make excuse for not answering their question because i don’t know much hand signs lol. Jus randam thoughts. life seems more tiring for me thesedays i think (i have some illnesses)

And you don’t have to say things like i promise~ i won’t do~ kind of stuff. I think we are all just same human beings who make mistakes, eating up our own words when things change, just simply forgot to, just simply mind changed or whatver. But it happens and i do that too so don’t feel worried.

about having zero friends i feel somehow can relate because i didn’t make any friends after i moved to a new city and it’s been like 5yrs now. I first thought i would leave this city after a couple of years but for some reason i’m still here lol although the reason i moved here is becoming more fainted every year. Anyway i totally get what you are saying about how you feel happy sharing your honest thoughts and emotions with others. I don’t really share my honest thoughts and emotions like 100% of my time with others. Most of the time i care about time location and person who I speak with before i give them my words and that’s like not 100% what’s in me. This may sound kinda stressful to hold in daily life, but because i’m like that i tend to keep like one ore two best friend who i can be 90~95% real, but still not 100%. Maybe to my own brother and a very close cousin i tend to be about 99%. For my 100% i think.. i had one person about 5 years ago. And with that person i felt so different. Like i felt like i was talking naked in both my body and soul when i was talking to that person, maybe because that person was like that real to me first so naturally i could become 100% to that person i think. i can also relate how happy it could feel when you can be and share your 100% with someone else. I’m missing that happiness thesedays, and maybe that’s one of reasons why my life feel so empty. But i don’t think i can help that for myself, it’s just something that needs some god’s help i think.

And yeah you do have a beautiful soul because i kinda smell similar stuff from you which i had smelled from the person i used to know who also had a beautiful soul. and it’s a relief your dad was really the loving person to you, my parents were very strict with me when i was little but i feel that’s also part of love and i kinda miss that more or so thesedays. Like living the life on your own you get to kinda miss that certain boundaries that someone else other than you kinda already know and guide you through so you don’t get tripped over. That’s a good love i think. and whether the guidance is right or wrong, we could feel pretty secured at least.

I feel much much grateful you feel okay with waiting for me, and i do too and i mean it ^_^.

I understand that you feel so happy helping others out, but also please understand you also deserve greater love and attention from the others too, and from that i wish you could feel fully happy about receiving the love from the outside as well. and there are people who feel extremely happy to just get connected and share feelings and 100% of themselves with you. Those people will stay and care for you even they don’t express it or show themselves in your life like all the times.

Ps. Just some randome thoughts again, but I don’t like hearing the word sorry although i say it a lot myself LOL. I guess it’s sorta traumatic for me. but to me the word Sorry is more like i have other background context that i’m not feel like sharing to you so i wanna skip that part that i don’t wanna explain but rather i’d just say sorry to wrap that up and let’s switch to other topic kind of feels in it lol. It’s okay for me to hear that from other people but not really liking it when i hear it from certain people who i think we deserve more transparency in between. Usually we tend to feel giving some background context might be too tedious or can hurt the others feeling by letting them know of it but if they are really your side they’d wanna focus more on why rather than let’s just stay cool. and they will probably want to involve more and talk about it rather than just staying in distance and assume things over you. Today i kept you waiting because i slept the whole day, and hopefully it didn’t make you feel anxious either, and if it did make you anxious then let’s find out a way we can feel less anxious about it?! lol

Hope you have a goodnight and less dream so don’t need to wake up in between. Holiday is almost over here where i live, one more day and i get to go to work. My work needs me on site, so probably i will be quite during the day times and somedays i won’t be able to get back to you simply because i get to work even during the night time in my house. (I work in somewhat competitive work environment).

Well anyways, happy again to see your wall of texts that feels 100% genuine. Gnight Mei.

You didn't feel like seeing the sunlight? But why???

It's ok to long for some peace and quiet sometimes, but we also need to have human interaction in order to live fuller!

Some illnesses? I hope not, I wish you nothing but the best!

I know what is like to move to another city, actually, i moved to another city 6 years as well, and not being able to connect with the locals is quite weird, but i got used to, I took advantage of the fact that no one knows me, who I am, I'm just a foreigner, and I really like to ask... Like.. let's say ,in the supermarket.. is this how you do it here? Oh i didn't know! It makes me feel good, if the reason why you moved is almost gone you shouldn't worry to much, take advantage of the situation, life never goes as we plan, but we should always looks for the good side, remember, every cloud has a silver lining!! Plus, you have me! An online friend :)

I get what you mean by not sharing who you are 100%, and it's completely acceptable, in the other hand I share who I am so they take it or leave it, I'm not going to shape myself for someone, it's as if we were LEGO, you add things to become something like a rocket, or you take some pieces out to become a little car, but you're still a piece of lego hahahaha idk you can add things to your life and take out, but you're still yourself, and in my opinion you don't have to hide things from from others because if you hide a piece from the rocket it won't be compete, if you hide something's from others the relationship won't be complete, hiding or not telling something is completely different than waiting for the right time to say it.

I'm glad you've met someone that makes you feel confident enough to show them your soul.

You don't have to let your happiness depend on others gorgeous, i leaned that in the bad way but I'm glad I did, your happiness should only depend on you, don't give that power to anyone, babe you should be HAPPY! You deserve it. I used to think being strict was equal to not loving you, but now, I'm agree with you, it's love, taking care of each other, and of course I'll wait for you, but don't take too long, I'll wait either way, but i might get a little anxious lol

You're very sweet, but because I've been quite lonely, and I've been through a lot of stuff that I'd never wish to anyone and during those times people were rude, i learned that we should always try to make others happy and help the in every way we possibly can, because we don't know what they're going through, i prefer giving than receiving, but i hope you get extremely happy to share your feelings with me.

If you don't like the word sorry then I won't say it.

Maybe we can feel less anxious about the replies if we find a closer way to do it without being to close.... Any suggestions?

I'd like to hear more about you, and as I said, I'll wait for your replies, but... Is there anyway i don't interrupt you but still hear from you? I mean... There's always a way... If you feel comfortable enough of course, I won't do anything you don't like :)

What do you do for a living? I'm curious ^^

I'm always happy when I get your messages, and I really really hope to get more.

Have a lovely week gorgeous, may your work flows easily.

Looking forward for your replyyyyyyyyyy

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noodlesrgucci · 6 years ago

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For the First and Last Time

Summary: Shoto and his terminally ill S/O show each other just how much they value one another.

Pairings: Shoto Todoroki x female reader

Words: 1880

Warnings: Smut, Angst,

This was just supposed to be angst idk how it turned into smut

Just one more week.

One mere week, that’s all she had left.

Y/N sat there on her bed, reflecting over her past choices. Her once lovely eyes were tinted red because of her crying.

Once upon a time, she had been healthy. She was able to genuinely laugh and make plans about her future.

But she didn’t have a future. And she knew this to be true since three years ago. Approximately a week before Y/N started her freshman year at UA, she received news that changed her entire outlook on life.

She had been diagnosed with a terminal disease.

The emotions she felt that day could not be explained by words. She had woken up that day wishing for time to go by faster so that she could start her school year.

But now, now she wished for the time to slow down.

Even though she knew what her fate was, she still started her school year in UA. She decided to ignore the signs that told her she should just relax and she enjoy the time she had left with her family. Instead, she worked hard every single day. Her hero career became her number one priority and it was clear to her peers and teachers that the girl had a promising hero career ahead of her. She also figured that what they didn’t know wouldn’t hurt them.

After all, ignorance is a bliss.

Throughout her school year she met numerous people, many of which became her best friends.

Best friends that she constantly lied to and deceived with a fake smile. She lied about all her visits to the hospital and medicine she had to take.

One of the people she met was Shoto Todoroki. The boy whom she fell hopelessly in love with.

She soon figured out that Shoto also held some affections for her. By the beginning of her second year at UA, Y/N was dating him.

She knew it was wrong. It was wrong to form relationships and live life normally as if nothing was wrong. As if she had all the time in the world to live. Yet being with Shoto made her forget for an instant just what her fate had in store for her. She held on to the hope that maybe, just maybe, she could live to grow old by Shoto’s side and be with him forever.

But life doesn’t work that way.

Time flew and Y/N found herself getting weaker and weaker by the moment. This didn’t go unnoticed by the people around her. They noticed how she got easily tired during exercises and how much weaker her quirk became.

By the beginning of her third year in UA, Y/N could barely use her quirk correctly. It malfunctioned almost every time she used it and this made take numerous visits to Recovery Girl’s office.

One time Shoto and Y/N were having a conversation about what they wanted to do after their school life was over. He had said that he wanted to marry her in the future and share a household with her.

Y/N didn’t bother to hold in her tears. She became a sobbing mess and that’s when she finally told him the truth.

Shoto’s face after realization hit him would be forever engraved into Y/N’s memory. Shoto finally understood why his girlfriend looked and sounded so weak.

She was slowly dying.

Time continued to pass and Shoto had done everything in his power to help Y/N. He always reminded her to take her medications and visit her doctors. He even stayed up late at nights trying to see if there was a cure for her disease. But he was unsuccessful.

Y/N couldn’t even use her quirk anymore. Any type of exercise would cause her to collapse on the floor and passs out. Her appetite was also lost and she didn’t seem interested in her favorites food anymore.

Shoto had to watch as the light of his life was slowly fading away. Y/N had brought so many smiles to his face. She even encouraged him to use his fire quirk and be more social. But now, he was slowly seeing her fall apart.

Currently Y/N was sitting on her bed crying. I’m just two months, her graduation ceremony would take place. Most of her peers were celebrating, but Y/N couldn’t have the same luxury.

She had less than a week left after all.

She lifted her head as she heard the distant footsteps of Shoto. He opened her door and greeted her with a sad eyes.

Y/N attempted to give him a smile, but he saw right through her efforts of putting on a fake smile. Shoto’s eyes were tired as if he hadn't slept in weeks. And he hadn't. He couldn't bring himself to sleep knowing that his beloved would soon leave him. He wanted to stay with her. He wanted to love her.

Suddenly, Shoto lounged himself at her and captured her small body in a hug. Y/N immediately hugged him back. No words were needed to express what they were both feeling.

Shoto was in denial. He couldn’t believe that a benign being such as Y/N had to go through all of this. There were so many criminals that grew old doing nothing but evil deeds. There were terrorists that lived a full and healthy life.

But fate is cruel.

The girl that had a life ahead of her had to be the one to get ill and suffer.

Shoto was brought out of his throughts by the sobbing of the girl he was holding. He finally took the time to take in her appearance. She looked weak and defeated.

“ Shoto...” Y/N weakly said. “ I don’t wanna die! I wanna live a long life by your side! I want to become a top hero! I want to graduate! There are so many things I want to do!”

Y/N continued to talk about everything she wanted to do. She talked about her dreams and ambitions. She also mentioned places she’d like to visit.

“ I also wanted to marry you someday!” Y/N was violently sobbing by now and Shoto was doing his best to comfort her. He was doing his best to keep his tears in.

He wanted to hold her and tell her that everything was going to be ok. He wanted to be her hero and to see her smiling. But he couldn’t. He couldn’t even guarantee that she’d be alive tomorrow.

It killed him inside that his lover was slowly dying and he couldn’t do anything about it.

“ We can get married tomorrow . We are already of legal age. No, we can get married today!”

Y/N shook her head and denied Shoto’s offer. She stared at her with sad and defeated eyes. As if telling him that she knew that she wouldn’t make it. This made Shoto break. He couldn’t control the tears that came out of his eyes at a rapid pace.

“ I love you! Please, don’t leave me! You are the most important person in my life! We can find a cure, know we can! Even if we have to travel the entire world for it! I’ll even quit my hero career in order to achieve that! But please, just hold on a little longer, please, my love!”

By now Shoto was crying. He was begging her to stay with him. He held on to the slightest hope that she’d be able to get help and continue living her life as the joyful girl she was once.

“ I’m sorry! This is all my fault! I knew I was terminally ill ever since we were freshman. Yet I still allowed myself to fall for you. When you confessed to me, I should’ve rejected you! I should’ve distanced myself so that I wouldn’t cause you this pain! But I was so selfish! I am so sorry!”

Shoto held her closer and assured her that being with her was the best decision he had ever made. They continued to hug each other in complete silence. Only the sound of their sobs could be heard around the room.

They just wished to stay like that. They wanted the clock to stop ticking so that they could forever be togother.

“ Shoto, I wanna try something...” Y/N whispered after a few moments of silence.

“ What is it?”

There was a moment of silence as Y/N had a debate with herself.

“ Make love to me.”

Shoto’s eyes widened and his breath hitched. He was not expecting that. Y/N noticed his confusion and decided to explain her reasoning.

“ I want to show you just how much I actually value you. I...I want to be as close to you as I can right now!” Y/N struggled with her word choices but it was enough for Shoto to understand.

Shoto leaned in and kissed her forehead. He accepted her request and realized that he also wanted to be close to her, he wanted to please her.

Their lips connected in a warm kiss. Their kiss held so many emotions. It felt like a goodbye. As if that was the last kiss they’d have. Shoto nibbled at her skin and kissed her cleavage.

Slowly clothing was removed. Shoto stared down at Y/N who was only wearing her panties. Her chest was now exposed to Shoto.

“ You are so beautiful, love.”

This made Y/N blush. Her bashful expression made Shoto fall in love with her all over again.

Shoto kisses her once again. This time it was more passionate and needy. He continued to distribute kisses throughout her body. They grind onto each other and shared more kisses.

The sounds that left Y/N’s mouth were music to Shoto’s ears. He wanted to memorize this moment. He wanted to remember how her skin felt against his, how she moaned his name, and how she tasted like.

It was not long until both of them were completely naked. They were both lost in each other’s eyes. Shoto slowly moved himself into her. After some pain, she waited to adjust to his size.

Shoto moved slowly yet sensual. They weren’t in a rush. All they wanted was each other. Shoto leaned down and buried his face on the crook of her neck. Y/N felt his tears fall down her shoulder. Shoto couldn’t help himself. He cried as he went inside of her.

Y/N gently massaged his scalp as quiet moans left her mouth. With one final thrust, both Y/N and Shoto reached their climax.

Even though they were both happy to be intimate, they couldn’t hell the tears that left their eyes. Y/N looked at Shoto with a genuine smile on her face before she threw herself at him and hugged him.

Shoto laid down and Y/N was on his chest. He allowed his arms to protectively rest around her waist. After one final kiss, they decided to fall asleep.

Three days later, Y/N didn’t wake up from her slumber, leaving Shoto all alone.

Masterlist

REQUESTS ARE OPEN!!! <3

#bnha #mha #my hero academia x reader #boku no hero academia #boku no hero academia x reader #my hero academia #shoto #shouto #todoroki #shoto todoroki #shouto todoroki #shoto x reader #shouto x reader #todoroki x reader #shoto todoroki x reader #shouto todoroki x reader #shoto todoroki scenario

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purpletimepiece-au-ahit · 5 years ago

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What if Conductor wrote his own dairy the same way hat kid dose?

This is just an idea and i'm not of a great writer but i hope ppl will still enjoy

Chapter 1 Mafia Town

ACT 1 : Welcome to Mafia Town

So I guess this is where my journey starts. In ****************. However a bunch of Mafias who call them self ”Mafia of cooks” has taken over the island and has renamed it ”Mafia town”. I’ve only really heard of ************** in geography lessons when I was young. But from what I remember this island used to be very peaceful…

ACT 2 : Barrel Battle

I helped a little lass that has a mustache? she got herself caught by the mafia and I shudder to think what they might have done to her if I had not come. She was quite rebellious towards the mafia. she also said she was willing to help me get more time pieces if I help her take down their boss. I’m not certain I should be trusting her though…something about her tells me that I should beat her up but I can’t do that! She might not even be double digits jet!

ACT 3 : She He Came from Outerspace

I had to wait for that mustache girl to get herself done before we would face up against the boss of the mafia here. It was absolutely pouring there that day! And slippery. I slipped into a puddle of mud even. Not seconds after I got up from the mud I saw the mafia that was around me looked scared. That’s when I got an idea. I ran towards the goons and they ran like scaredy cats. Oh how I couldn’t help but to laugh.

ACT 4 : Down with the Mafia!

I knew I shouldn’t have trusted in that red-hooded peck neck….after defecting the boss the red lass got a bit too curios of the time pice. She was quick to find its actual power these hourglasses holds. She got obsessed and planed for the BOTH of us to be ”crime fighting time travelers”. That’s just too much for me. This is already enough this journey I’m gonna need to do. She robbed me as well! I should’ve just taken her out right then and there…

ACT 5 : Cheating the Race

HA! That peck neck riding on a rocket thought he could beat me? Well I have something myself that will make it balanced! I don’t like cheating but since it didn’t involve with movies and the bird movie award I was fine with it.

ACT 6 : Heating up Mafia Town

I leave Mafia town for 1 day and the entire island is half submerged in lava. That red lass is nothing but trouble. And might I add there are faucets all around the island that primarily controls the island’s volcano and its lava flow… I have no idea if they excited before or after the mafia took over…either way, I hope the next place ill be going to after will be bit cooler.

ACT 7 : The Golden Vault

I’ve noticed these tickets that’s been flying in the wind all over the town, As to why they were all just separated from each other is beyond me. I took the time to gather all of them, Most of the vaults contained pretty useless junk but attest the last one had a time pice in it.

Chapter 2 Battle of the Birds

ACT 1 : Dead Bird Studio

I’ve seen myself in movies before but what was odd this time is that I could interact with myself? The other me sees me just as the little hat lass, I don’t know if I should be thankful or if I really wanted to find out how I really would react if I were to met a doppelganger of myself. That would make into an interesting movie but for the first time in my directing career I just can’t figure out how that would be done without it being flawed. No one can imitate me better than myself and only myself. I also found out how the lass was able to infiltrate so deep into the studio. I’m paying these owls too much for hardly any work from them.

ACT 2 : Murder on the Owl Express

This is one of my best works I done in my career of directing movies. It easily bested Groves’s movie 10 times. Even from the kid’s perspective it was like a real detective case going on. I’m really proud of how it turned out.

ACT 3 : Picture Perfect

Ugh, I remeberd I was gonna need to be on that peck neck’s movies as well. I would just steal the time pice but that penguin just won’t stand still. However I got the chance to ruin his movie. By swearing! That’ll show him! if he really wants a chance to stand aginst me he gotta turn that age restriction up a bit.

ACT 4 : Train Rush

If it wasn’t for the fact I got the little lass’s energy I would in no way been able to reach at the end in time. I’m not as youthful anymore…I still feel as though I didn’t put enough action into this movie. This is one of the only times’s I’ve actually been uncertain in this movie. My acting was on point as usual it was really the recording process I was uncertain with. The exploding train movies are really hard and risky to make as I have a REALLY limited amount of times I can retake senses to none at all. Thankfully no one else will be reading this. Maybe I should start writing on a diary more often….

ACT 5 : The Big Parade

Okey, I’m actually happy that others see me as the little hat lass and not as myself. I had to wear a parade leader outfit and lead a goofy parade. I’m too pecking old to be doing something like this. He tried making it a bit more exciting with fireworks but really? Its a bloody pecking parade…

ACT 6 : Award Ceremony

THAT NO GOOD DIRTY PECK NECK CHEATED THE AWAERD CEREMONY! I know for sure that I had the most score! That must be how he won the award 42! If there wouldn’t be so many birds in the ceremony I would’ve beaten up DJ Groves…

ACT 1 : Dead bird studio?

How do I start with this…? I first got a phone call from myself when I used the audio changer in the murder on the express owl. CONFIRMING that Groves did rigged the ceremony. he then hinted me to get down into the basement. After searching around there for a bit I did find an elevator that I had no idea we had. Not only that while I was reaching the basement I could her that peck neck talking through the vents and walls. I couldn’t really make out what he was talking about but I was certain he was talking about the time pieces. That’s when I found him. With all this time I’ve worked in the same building with him I’ve never seen or even heard him like this. He has gone mad, he was desperate and he was out for blood. He even used my own BOMB to try to end me. Thankfully this timeline me came and saved me to beat down that pecker…for someone that made family friendly movies he was a real good fighter ill give him that. Oh! This might make a good movie aginst him…that was at lest the last time pice of that place, I should be almost done now right…?

Chapter 3 Subcon Forest

ACT 1 : Contractual Obligations

Before I never really thought much about the Subcon forest. the forest was rumored to be haunted and that who ever enters it never comes back. It has been proven to be true when some bodies where found at the very edge of the forest but it could very much be some deadly diseases there or they could’ve gotten poisoned. I never had any business to do with the forest and thought I never would till today. I never believed in ghosts or really anything ”super unnatural” it never has the same rules, there were just too many different variant for the same thing! No one I’ve met has been able to prove to me that ”magic” is real. Well I guess the time pieces’ would count but the kid uses it like it was fuel to a machine, I don’t know. One really popular rumor was there lived a soul stealing ghost there. I thought to myself it was all just some hoax. it was till I actually got into the forest that things changed. I got caught and not long after the rumor of the soul stealing ghost proved to be true. I was able to keep my life but at the cost of having to do some of this ghost’s bindings and my soul. I must say without my soul I feel so…empty…no fear, no worry, I don’t even feel a hint of anger…

ACT 2 : Subcon Well

It was quite important that I get the ”cleaning the subcon well” contract done as it will give me an item that I must have if I wish to complete the train rush movie. I found out that the hook shot is something that hat kid did not have at the beginning. If I’ve known that I would’ve allowed her to borrow my hook shot badge that I ”own” for the movies but to be honest it might not be in a good condition now as it has been years since I myself last used it

ACT 3 : Toilet of Doom

So that shadow thing that is called ”Snatcher” just let my soul escape. I know now that he didn’t eat it right after and just kept it which is weird. I don’t see any reason why he would really but anyway. It then when on to posses an outhouse and cause a lot of ruckus. It really made A LOT of ruckus, probably because its my soul…But I was able to defeat it at last and ”Snatcher” took back my soul.

ACT 4 : Queen Vanessa

Okey, this time even without my soul I felt an aura of fear. I felt overwhelmingly cold but I could feel a sense of unease…the entire village and the mansion was in a sphere of ice. Incased in an interval winter. Vanessa herself was a danger, a psychopath!….or a sociopath, what’s the difference even? She would’ve killed me either way if she found me. Not to mention there were quite a few ice sculptures. Showing these last victims their last reaction before they met their end…She already knew I was in the mansion. I however lived to write about this another day…

ACT 5 : Mail Delivery

So, after having kill off some spirits, fight my own soul, rob some demon’s home I gotta now deliver stolen mail to this ghost’s minions? Also, after I’ve been doing all this stuff the girl had to do I feel quite bad that the lass had to endure this to get these time pieces’. having her soul tacken and do all these contracts. The lass’s just a kid for crying out loud! Well she has the appearance of a young lass but she could be older then I thought…she is very smart and skilled.

ACT 6 : Your Contract has Expired

I knew that I would have to fight this pecking contract ghost noodle someday! I’m certain he wouldn’t give me my soul back or even give me the last time pice willingly…when I had defected him he gave me a chance to leave but this was without the things I wanted. When I thought I had no other choice then to just sign it I realized that fool had already stamped the contract. Which meant I could do some ”adjustments” to the deal. Again, Pretty clever there lass!

Chapter 4 :Alpine Skyline

First arrival

I landed on some mountain tops. The place looked it had once people living or to the very lest came around often but was now abandoned. However a seemingly endless line of banners append at the very top. It then took me to a much more lively place. ancient people and goats has been living on the very top of these mountains for what they say ”thousands of years”. For them the air is thin but somehow for the kid and now me its perfectly fine…there was also a lot of strange flowers growing all over the place. What’s more concerning is that the people nor the goats have no idea what they are…

The Birdhouse

this was the biggest bird house I have ever seen! It was HUGE. There were also a lot of ”odd” birds there. but those exploding eggs must be the most gruesome scenes I have ever witness In my entire life. They give me shivers when ever I get too close to them so they became ”active” . Far too extreme to even mention in my movies but maybe if I were to tone down the details then just maybe I could use it for a horror movie…

The Windmill

okey I thought the giant bird house was huge but this windmill might as well count as a mountain it self. Claiming the bloody thing wasn’t easy either, I can’t fly as easily and as great like I used to anymore.

The Lava Cake

this civilization is really impressive. Somehow they stacked lava like the cake on my wedding I had many years ago I think its called a ”pillar cake”?. I’m quite surprised I didn’t burn most of my feathers when I traversed it…now I really miss my wife…

The Twilight Bell

that giant bell transferred me somewhere. I don’t know to where, haven, hell, limbo or the void who knows! But I was certain I wasn’t in the land of the living…

The Illness has Spread

okey, these strange purple flowers has certainly proven to be a threat! And since they didn’t turn me to a mindless raging zombie I was the only one that could take down these flowers before they would spread furtherer. I’ll write this again, the things this kid has been though…

Attic cruise

ACT 1 : Bon Voyage!

I was able to see my grandchildren again after this long journey I had to do. It is still really nice to see that they’re all fine and are just the cutest things in the entire world. I get why now why the caption really doesn’t like his crew. They broke the time piece. The kid still doesn’t understand how time hasn’t completely broken down or to the very lest changed something as it should have. It is easily fixable so that’s a relief. But what if something has changed or it did rewind and we just don’t know. Oh god I start to sound and think like the lass now.

ACT 2 : Ship Shape

First time i’ll go on a vacation and not drink. They won’t even allow me since to them I look like the lass. I also found out while the other me is all drunken out that the little rascals are still able to escape. Ugh, I’m the only one that can keep them all in the same place…

ACT 3 : Rock the Boat

I had a feeling it was the kid that crashed the boat but I wanted to believe it was the crew. I had to then save the crew and the passengers. Well those that didn’t directly dived into the icy cold water first….Thankfully none of my grandchildren did. I got worried when I only found 4 myself but found out the rest was saved by the crew members…also saving myself felt a bit weird. It’s also now I realized I got sobered up quite quickly.

Nyakuza Metro

Main station

out of all places the MOST timepieces landed on. Had it be Nyakuza Metro!? The pecking place where there are nothing but cats!? I know I don’t look like a bird for others but I hope they don’t sense it…

After

great. Getting these time pieces’ might get harder now since someone with a high amount of power named ”Empress” wants these hourglasses as well like always….

Yellow overpass

good news, they don’t know or they don’t care that I’m not a cat. However I was forced to wear this hoodie and this stupid scribbled medical mask. I guess it is not great inhaling these weird smells…I don’t even know where they’re coming from or what they actually would do. either way I need to wear these to show I’m in this ”gang”

Yellow overpass manhole

there are all these stickers around the metro. Most of them depict the hat lass but some depict as Snatcher, Groves, lass’s friend which I can’t remember their name and even me. As to why and who made them is a mystery. But I still feel as though I need to collect them.

Green clean

I thought the lass’s rumba was weird but the rumbas in the metro are way scarier. They even chase you if you’re dirty. I found that out the hard way…

Green clean manhole

the lass couldn’t help herself but to play ”dress up” with me since there are so many cats that sells these customizations like other hats and dyes. Some I actually liked. They fitted quite well on me while others….I’m just never gonna touch those ever EVER again…

Bluefin

huh. A poster of my newest movie ”PECK NECK” was on the walls here in the metro after the ”shipwreck incident”. a waste of advertisement money if you ask me but maybe these cats will actually be interested in watching a bird movie. But I doubt it since they’re mostly only interested this overly obnoxious animated genre called I believe ”anime”? Well they just don’t know about the true art of real movies! Then again it is getting my interest….

Pink paw

there’s A LOT of fast food stations here. I know that it’s the biggest (and only) metro on the planet but still. All the joints doesn’t smell great either. Well it is fast food. its not supposed to be great, its supposed to be fast. The coffee is okey at lest.

Pink paw manhole

well this was new, well kinda. I had to collect over 100 of these electrical pons to get the time pieces. I didn’t want to since the empress’s gang just takes it away from me as fast as I get it and brings it back to her. The money’s nice but I’m certain that they’re counterfeit. I think I’ll need to come up with a plan to get them all back. I guess for now I’ll get the rest…

Rush hour

HA! They thought they could just steal from me? i’ll just steal it all back! But I’m actually relived I was able to get out of there alive and to never have to return to that metro again. The only train i’ll be seeing is my own.

Final boss

The red hooded lass stole all the time pieces that I have collected. Well I guess it is time that I go best up the peck neck once and for all…this journey has been…well fun actually. I’ve run into a lot of conflicts and obstacles but I’ve been able to get around those. I was able to see more of the planet I’ve been living on. For most of my life I’ve just been in that desert and the studio. Finally getting somewhere else, Somewhere different was really refreshing…I actually hate that this adventure is gonna end now so soon. I want more…but at the same time. I miss my grandchildren, my train, making movies and dare I say it? even arguing with DJ Groves…I should really stop stalling right now. I best take out that peck neck as fast as possible now. Its time that I fix this mess and get back home soon…

Community map

how the peck am I gonna write about this adventure I had today?? I think I’ll just leave it blank. Hopefully its nothing far too importent to remember for later…

#ahit #my writing #ahit conductor #a hat in time

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sanguinarius-archive · 5 years ago

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Hey! Could I get to know some of your headcanons about dickfigures/your designs for them? :D

ya ya sure!!!!

i already have my designs for them up if you havent seen, here they are!

as for headcanons idk how long this post will be so ill just add a read more for anyone who might not wanna scroll thru it all lol

red!!!!!

his real name is rowan bc i thought it was cute, also it means “little red one” which is eVEN BETTER

he’s nonbinary masc and bisexual! the self projection is REAL

he has adhd

most of my headcanons kinda flow into my own version of dick figures because i’m not very Satisfied with canon NJSJDNSKM so like. for example red doesn’t just kill people or whatever. he gets into fights and has scars and wears bandaids a lot bc of them

he graduated college with blue, he got a bachelor’s degree in fine arts (honestly idk how college works bc im a grade 10 baby so if thats like totally wrong just let me know also im. canadian so idk how american school system works LOL)

red got suspended a lot in high school but never expelled. mostly bc he got in fights that were mainly him protecting stacey from shitty people (he sees her as his sister so he was rlly protective) and the school wasnt really sure what else to do so they just. you know. suspended him a bunch of times hoping itd do something but it didnt

he hates his dad! reason being is bc when he was born, his dad was actually an alien able to disguise himself as human, so he wanted to take red back to his home planet cuz red turned out to be more powerful than anything his dad had ever seen. but red’s mom was like Nope, so she snuck out with him and his plush cat (kitty amazing) and they were never found. red is very close with his mom and is scared of his dad coming back someday

we know he canonically likes rlly loud music so im just gonna project here and say he’s a metalhead. at least, some form of it. he likes the alt scene music and industrial rock. examples being deftones, nine inch nails, skinny puppy, rage against the machine, kittie and others. it keeps him focused and calm

bLUE!!!

we know blue was bullied as a kid but i dont wanna say red also bullied him bc i feel like thats just wrong to me? MAYBE ITS NOT ACTUALLY but it just makes me sad so like. lets say red, being as protective as he is, stood up for blue a lot cuz he was like “oh this kid cant fight” so he knew what to do

blue dated pink for awhile but they mutually agreed to break up after blue realized this wasnt what he wanted (he came to the conclusion that he was gay, well, he knew for awhile but it was Internalized Homophobia)

he grew up in a very conservative family so to see the world completely differently by meeting red, ems (lt), pink and stacey was a very good thing for him. unfortunately even tho his family did love him, it was conditional so they stopped talking to him after he came out. thankfully he’d already graduated high school by that point

despite being emotional blue isn’t very good at understanding how he’s an emotional person. he’s able to distinct one feeling from another and analyze them, but it’s just... hard for him to kind of. process WHY he feels a certain way? which is what’s led to a lot of his struggles in getting closer with ppl

he loooves reading and writing we already know this but i mean come on. he also got a bachelor’s degree in english/ela. so he’s able to become a teacher ig but he doesn’t really want to? at least not for awhile yet

blue was ems’ first friend. at first he couldn’t understand why they had tics but decided he shouldn’t get into someone else’s business. he didn’t find it weird, just cool!

he and red would always pair up for projects if they had classes together!!!!!! blue would do the writing/research and red would do the illustrations. they always turned out really good even if it ended with red cramming it at the last minute

surprisingly hates broseph more than red. well i mean its not surprising, because broseph was always a huge DICK to him

blue’s real name is wyatt!!!!! i forget the meaning but i felt the sound of it and the meaning fit him well

piiiiink!!!!!!!!!!

she’s still in college, getting her doctorate to be an astrophysicist!

pink is very very smart and will help anyone who’s struggling with something in school. she was basically the genius who always got in the honor roll every year. but, she actually was really anxious especially with exams

pink encourages stacey to go back to school, and sometimes stacey does, but she always ends up leaving again. it’s a little stressful but pink has hope for her

she’s never drank one sip of alcohol in her entire life. she smoked weed once, but it felt weird so she didn’t do it again

ever since she and blue broke up she’s been very supportive of him bc she herself is bisexual!!! so she sees nothing weird about it. in fact, about almost a year later she started dating stacey

pink’s real name is lily. when she became friends with blue she met red through him and she was like “can i join your nickname thing” and they said “sure” so they called her pink. stacey sometimes calls her pinky or just pink but mostly lily

pink helped red with academics. even tho he was sometimes insufferable to work with (/j thats a Joke i promise she’s a very patient person) she didn’t give up on him!!!! in return he helped her out with some fitness stuff cuz pink was always insecure about gym, and later when she graduated she actually got into exercising bc of red!

she loves travelling and going for walks. she owns a lot of houseplants and she’s given them all names and takes very good care of them! she also owns an albino ball python named Velvet

STACEYYY!!!!!!!

stacey is nOT actually all about sex this time ok. i don’t like that. i mean she did have some personality in canon but it wasn’t much? anyways she just really likes to express herself thru tight/”risque” clothing like fishnets and leather and pleated skirts and thigh-highs and platform boots, all of that. basically she’s a goth girl but doesn’t really “act” like one

she’s really intelligent when it comes to animals and insects and will tell you anything you need to know. when she goes back to college she gets a degree in environmental science

stacey can play the electric and bass guitars!!!! she was in a band back in high school but it never really went anywhere beyond performances at parties in someone’s garage. not that she didn’t like it, looking back on it makes her feel happy, but she wished it continued. probably why she has a hard time going back to college bc she’s not sure what she really wants

stacey is a trans woman btw!!!!! unfortunately it was a little difficult in high school to be who she was bc some kids were jerks, but there were a lot of others who supported her which is good

she views red as her brother as well and they still hang out a lot

i haven’t really had time to focus on stacey and make headcanons and stuff for her so i don’t have a lot but... let’s say, secretly, she’s a scifi nerd. and for the sake of debate, let’s say she’s a marvel fan. if you count being a fan of deadpool as being a fan of marvel

LOVES GIRLS.... loves pink!!!

has very similar music taste to red’s!!!!!

emssss!!!!!!! (lt)

instead of being a stereotype of ppl with tourette’s syndrome, it’s just a normal thing that isn’t focused on a whole lot. it doesn’t make ems swear but if they get really really frustrated they’ll curse while doing one of their tics

ems is agender, i’d say they’re also ageless but i don’t really want to make them too “nonhuman” because i feel like that’s dehumanizing to people with tourette’s. so let’s just say most laws of existence don’t apply to them

they’re very friendly!

they’re an aspiring musician, just like in canon

ems is also big into horror movies believe it or not. they’re pretty critical of them though like most horror movie fans, and only like specific ones (i’m not a horror movie fan myself so i can’t say what Specific Ones they like ajsdhbjn just imagine they have good taste okay)

they r very artsy too and like doing crafts cause it gives them something to focus on. it’s just a hobby though it’s not something they’re Professional at

they love nature and flowers and trees and all kinds of plants and animals!!! they like to document what they see when they travel thru nature and stuff so they bring a camera with them (and their phone, but, you know whatever)

ems was never really affected by things people said to them regarding their syndrome. to them it was something they were born with, so they couldn’t bother to feel bad about themselves. in certain situations theyre able to control it but 90% of the time they don’t care about what ppl think

aaaand there u go!!! as for minor characters like raccoon, jason/trollz0r, broseph, dingleberry, they all exist (raccoon isnt a racist stereotype tho), i just dont focus on them a whole lot. most of my hcs for stacey and ems here were thought up on the spot since i havent had time to lay out all my ideas for them but i hope what i have here is good !!!!

also, red and blue ARE dating, and pink and stacey ARE ALSO dating. gay rights

#asks #dick figures #Anonymous

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caffeineivore · 6 years ago

Text

Moar Spirits for Spirit

Prompt: M/N, Neck

At this hour of night, this section of Central Park is all but deserted, which serves the purposes of the two young men meeting there just fine. The older of the two unties the red bandanna around his head and stuffs it into a pocket before stepping out into the light-- the colour is too eye-catching, even at this hour of night, and likely to draw the attention of passersby or the odd passing cop. The star-shaped tattoo on his wrist is a little less noticeable.

He doesn’t give the other boy much of a greeting beyond a fairly elaborate handshake-fist-bump combination, during which money changes hands, but sits down at the base of the a statue-- fairly new, some dude in a cape holding a sword atop a horse, lights up a cigarette as he counts the wadded-up cash. “That’s a little bit more than what I asked, Trey. Wanna tell me what’s up?”

Trey is perhaps all of fifteen, gangly but baby-faced, shuffling his feet in his battered red high-tops. “Well, I got together some extra. You know. Isn’t that good, Switch?”

The evasiveness of Trey’s body language and his non-answer to Switch’s question makes the older boy lean forward, all but trapping him against the statue’s concrete base. “Don’t tell me you’re trying to get up to some shit, now. I don’t think that’d be a smart idea.”

“I just-- I got a new caseworker. She actually cares. I’ve been going to school and I think I might be able to graduate. She’s even helping me get a part-time job.” Trey’s still too young to know not to babble out sensitive information when he’s nervous, and so he rambles, shrinking away from Switch’s thunderous expression. “I won’t snitch or nothing, I promise. She doesn’t know anything about any of that, and I’m not gonna tell her. I just think I should get out of this so that it won’t fuck up my chances.”

“And you think it’s that easy, huh?”

The snick of a knife being drawn is all but silent, and yet to Trey, in this still and deadly-silent park, it’s loud as a gunshot, almost as loud as the pulse pounding in his throat. Switch-- short for Switchblade, his weapon of choice, so easily hidden, and yet, flicked open close enough to his face to nick the tip of his nose, so lethal, all the same. “We took care of you when your trickin’ mama couldn’t. And now you think an extra hundred dollars gets you a free pass? An out?” Switch’s face is close enough to Trey’s that flecks of saliva impact against Trey’s cheek with his words, but the boy is too terrified to be grossed out. “You seen what happens to snitches. I guess you about to see what happens to rats going green, too.”

Trey is too scared to do more than yelp and squeeze his eyes shut, but the slash of the knife never comes. He hears a rumble, feels the earth shake in its very foundations at his feet. Maybe this is what an earthquake feels like, or the Apocalypse. Suddenly he doesn’t feel the pressure of a body up in his face any more, and hears Switch screaming.

He opens his eyes, and sees his former fellow gang member airborne, hoisted up by the scruff of his neck like a kitten, arms and legs dangling helplessly. The man holding him immobile is tall and muscular, looking like something out of King Arthur or maybe the Vikings, and has the tip of a wicked-looking sword that makes Switch’s knife look like a toothpick in comparison held to Switch’s throat. Trey has no idea where his mysterious saviour had come from; certainly, he’d not heard anyone or anything approaching just a moment ago. The man turns his face towards Trey, eyes dark and flashing.

“Run, you dithering knave! What are you waiting for?”

Trey jerks into action and jumps to his feet, dashing for the nearest exit. He almost crashes into a woman walking into the park, but manages to avoid her at the last second with a hasty “’Scuse me, ma’am!”. Maybe his new caseworker would help him evade Switch and any of the others who would likely now try to beat his ass. Angela. He’d never met anyone like her before, capable of giving him reason to hope for the better.

“You’re excused.” Linden knows terror when she sees it, and it’s all but radiating off the boy in waves. It doesn’t take much to ascertain, based on his speed and direction, that he must have come from that particular section of the park, and she quickens her footsteps. She’s not quite prepared, however, to see her noble, impetuous, good-hearted idiot of a knight holding a flailing young man aloft twenty feet in the air.

“Drop him. Hard enough to immobilize him. Not hard enough to kill him.”

Nathalán follows her directive, but at that distance, Switch is still immediately rendered unconscious by the drop. Linden kicks away the knife that falls from his hand hard enough that it splashes into the pond, then bends over him, critically.

“He’ll live. Probably a bit of a concussion and definitely will be favouring his left leg, but he may make it another year. Unless his lifestyle gets the best of him.” She is no fool, and certainly the tattoos and colours are a dead giveaway of his affiliation and probable livelihood. “I suppose he was shaking down the other one who ran out like the hounds of hell were pursuing him?”

“The other one was trying to bow out. Abjure the group which he’d been part of. They’ve been gathering more often, of late, in the park late at night. Selling their bags of powder or pastiles.”

“Kid’s trying to jump out of a street gang,” Linden shakes her splendid, curly head. “He’s lucky to have escaped with his life.”

“Will they seek retribution, then?” Nathalán asks in his blunt, direct way. “He is but a child. Foolish, undoubtedly, but not worthy of the ills they would visit upon him.”

“He shouldn’t have gotten tangled up with the street life,” Linden murmurs. “But I suppose I can’t fault you for having sympathy for foolhardy lads with more bravado than sense.” Nimbly, she clambers up onto the statuary’s base, so that she can look him in the eye. “I daresay you saved his life just now.”

His hand, so rough and inexorable around Switch’s neck, is gentle as it traces her back, pausing over her shoulder-blades where her wings would be when she’s in her most primordial and deadly of forms. “Maybe I see something of myself in him-- a yearning to regain honour that’s been lost. A desire to be worthy, someday, of love and forgiveness.” He dips his head, and the lips that touch her temple are soft and not at all cold, for the moment. “I just thought-- he should get that chance. As I did.”

“You are shameless and incorrigible,” Linden tells him, unable to stop a wry laugh from bubbling up. “I’ll see what I can do, I suppose.”

“I shall keep watch from here, as usual. And let you know if there is news.”

Though he was certainly not opposed to being inundated by some very nice drugs, courtesy of the emergency room staff at the hospital, Switch didn’t enjoy being laid up, not one bit. No one believed him, of course, and part of him was afraid that maybe he really was losing it. Certainly there was no freaking way that he’d been plucked off the ground by some statue come to life like something out of a Harry Potter movie, then unceremoniously dropped like a used Kleenex. He’d been found the next morning by park maintenance and by all accounts was lucky to be alive-- between the concussion and the broken leg and the freezing temperatures. Of course the po-po’s had not bought the story of why he’d been there so late, and they’d busted him cold with Oxy’s and two dime-bags of blow. One of the narcos actually had the nerve to laugh at him. “Well, Switch, maybe you wouldn’t be imagining such things if you weren’t high all the time. Funny how these things happen only to people like you.”

He hated the fucking cops.

Of course, there’d be the whole parade of possession charges and court and probie. And then he’d get down to business. Trey, specifically, was at fault for the predicament that he’d found himself in at present, and therefore needed to face the consequences of his actions. He still had homeboys on the street who could take care of a miserable little prick as easy as one-two-three. Just as soon as he managed to get out of this godforsaken hospital, of course. When he was somewhere not handcuffed to a bed.

The TV is set to one of the cooking shows, probably the food network or something, and the hostess is a super hot lady with curly reddish-brown hair and fantastic boobs behind her cute little apron get-up, showing the audience how to make some type of fancy holiday roast thing.

“The most important part of this is letting it rest. You don’t want to carve it right away, not while it’s still tense from the heat and stress of the cooking process.” The perky hostess explains as she pulls the steaming roast out of the oven with bright-green mitts. Switch barely pays attention to her long-winded explanation, but out of nowhere, the TV starts to flicker, then go to static. Yet, eerily, though the entire pretty suburban-kitchen background of the cooking show disappears into that black-and-white-snowfall-effect, the cooking lady remains, facing him head-on, brandishing a carving knife with casual, deadly expertise in one hand and a knife-honer in the other. She’s got great boobs and is all smiles, but Switch knows, just from the way she’s holding it, that she’s as deadly with a bladed weapon as he is.

“Rest, now.” The lady’s voice is still sweet, terrifyingly so. “I’ll carve it when it’s ready. There will be enough for everyone, even those who want seconds.” Switch clutches at the sheets and attempts to scoot back, but his bum leg keeps him immobile, as do the handcuffs. “Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do now. You wouldn’t want to ruin things, would you?” For one electrifying, nightmarish moment, he could swear that the cooking lady’s eyes go red as blood on that television screen even as the ring of carbon steel echoes eerily in the room. Switch feels cold sweat beading on the back of his neck, and on his upper lip, goose-flesh breaking out over his arms.

“Fuck all this.” Shakily, he hits the button to summon a nurse. “Get that asshole pig in here. I need to talk to him.”

#m/n #senshi/shitennou #sailor moon #fanfiction #fanfic

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hyenafu · 7 years ago

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Sorry fer the kinda morbid question, but do ya have any plans in case....Something happened to you and the comic was left orphaned? Also, do you ever have artist's block? And if so, how do you get past it?

It’s been a while since I made this joke, but I used to tell people that if I ever died before finishing Slightly Damned, the ending should involve Syndel hatching out of Thadius and ending the world. I guess that wouldn’t really work anymore, would it? Maybe Crunky is the one who’s hiding a dark secret. Yes... you can see it in her eyes...........

As for art block, yeah, I do struggle with it sometimes. My mood goes into prolonged upswings and downswings, and when I’m in a downswing I can feel somewhat depressed and unmotivated. When it’s really bad, I hate drawing and the thought of starting a picture feels pointless when I think it’s going to turn out poor anyway.

It takes some practice to recognize when I’m just feeling tad lazy, in which case all I usually have to do is just START a picture to “remind” myself that I actually really like drawing. But I am a workaholic, which makes me prone to sacrificing my well-being for the sake of being “productive”. That’s I force myself to have weekends even though I want to get more work done. My body and mind just won’t last if I don’t.

I have to be careful not to force myself if drawing or thinking about drawing feels overwhelmingly bad. I’ve wasted entire days lying around lamenting the fact that I can’t get myself to draw. If I’m going to do that anyway, then I might as well spend the day playing video games or something!

Just recently I found myself on the edge of burnout, and I’m thankful I had friends who let me vent and pointed that out for me. What I did then was deliberately step away from working for a few days until I felt better. And even though I hated falling behind on my schedule, that was the healthiest decision. Not only that, but the quality of my work improved once I got back into it. And in the long run, even though I felt bad at the time for not working, I’m able to get more done in a shorter amount of time than I otherwise would have if I DIDN’T take a break. Get it? It’s like getting a car to run more efficiently after getting it tuned up, rather than running it into the ground without taking the time to maintain it.

Anyway, when you have an art block, and it’s not going away after you’ve made a legitimate attempt to start making something, the best solution is often to walk away from it. Go enjoy things that inspire you, like watching your favorite shows or read some new books. Consider it research and fold it into the creative mood board in your brain.

Also, and I know you didn’t ask this and I don’t know your personal experience with art, consider being creative in a different way. I’ve met a lot of people who felt like they “needed” to draw in order to be creative, but it’s really something that you should be doing because you want to and enjoy doing it. If you don’t enjoy it on some level, it will never really work out for you. And I’ve met people who thought that drawing was “supposed” to be what they were doing, and yet never made time in their schedules to actually do it in any capacity (and I’m not talking about people struggling with an illness or fatigue; that’s a different story).

In one case, a friend of mine discovered that they didn’t like making comics, but they loved designing the books that contained them and publishing/distribution. In another case, another friend realized that they liked crafting (costume making, sewing, etc) WAY more than they liked drawing. They would lament that they didn’t have time to draw, and would always forget to do it. Months would go by between single pictures. But now, since discovering that they legitimately enjoy crafting, they found a way to do it almost every day.

Even if you’re not interested in a career change, and you know that you like what you’re doing, learning about different skills can be invaluable. Personally, I’ve dabbled in writing prose, podcasting, video editing, giving presentations, and I enjoy cooking. Maybe someday I’ll even dabble in game design.

So if you wanna be creative but you’re struggling with artist’s block, try expressing yourself in a different way. Good luck!

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thedefinitionofbts · 8 years ago

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In Memory of Your Wings

Pairings: Jung Hoseok x Reader

Genre: Dancer!Hoseok, Dancer!Reader, Angst

Words: 3K

Description: As requested by anon: “A Hoseok scenario where he meets a girl who's passionate about dancing and ends up getting some tips from her. They eventually fall in luv but when she faints one day he rushes her to the hospital and finds out that she has an illness she’s been hiding from him and doesn't have much time to live.”

A/N: I cried so hard. It’s only a short scenario but daaaamn. Thank you for sending in the request! I hope you like it :)

“Your moves lack emotion.”

Hoseok’s head jerks around at the sound of a girl’s voice reverberating through the empty dance studio. The lights weren’t even on and the only source of brightness making anything visible was the subtle glow of daylight flowing in from the glass windows.

“Well, I’m not exactly a dancer.” He continues to look at you, titling his head to the side and pursing his lips. “I was just waiting for a friend.” Referring to Park Jimin, his actual dancer friend, who ought to be here by now. Where the hell is he anyways?

“But you’re here and you’re dancing” You point out the obvious, albeit what he was doing wasn’t technically what you considered to be dancing, but he had potential, that’s for sure.

“You’re point is?”

You chuckle lightly. “You won’t know how good you are until you try. Are you interested in becoming a dancer?”

Hoseok ponders over your question. He had never seriously considered it, although he has been amazed at Jimin’s skill every time he watches the younger male dance, he’s never categorized it as something he could actually pick up, let alone excel in the way his super talented friend was able to.

He shrugs. “I guess.” Can’t hurt to try, right?

His response leads to the two of you exchanging phone numbers and setting up a time and date to get your “private lessons” started. Since he was a novice, you had suggested personally teaching him the basics before throwing him in a dance group. All of this almost leads Hoseok to believe that if getting a gorgeous girl’s number was this easy; he would’ve signed up for dance a long time ago. That is, until he finds out how serious you are about your coveted art form.

“You have to think of as the act of you telling a story.” You explain, demonstrating a short piece so can visualize what you are talking about. “You know, like how music can tell a story without lyrics or how a picture is worth a thousand words.”

Hoseok nods, trying to grasp the main point of your spiel while at the same time rooted in the spot, mesmerized by the way your body is able to flow so effortlessly.

“Once you get the basics down, it’s all about practice and perfecting each little movement that act as the building blocks of the story you are painting with the motion of your body.”

“Does that go for all kinds of dance?”

You nod. “You need to learn and understand how your body moves before choosing your area of specialty. But from the looks of your sharp movements and natural tendency for adding your own…flare, I think you’d be good at hip hop, but don’t limit yourself to only one type of dance because many styles can overlap and result in unique combinations. Just like your friend the other day.”

“Jimin?”

“Yeah, he was dancing hip hop, but I can tell he’s had training in contemporary.”

“Oh, wow, you’re good” Hoseok flashes you a thumbs up.

“Shall we get started then?”

Hoseok gives you the okay to proceed.

Dancing is a lot more physically taxing than Hoseok had previously thought. He learns that it is as mental as it is physical, especially in the beginning when the movements haven’t solidified as muscle memory yet, and he would mess up if he wasn’t thinking or started spacing out.

“So I can tell you’re really passionate about dancing.” Hoseok comments, trying to keep up with your more advanced moves. Your turn and glance at him with a cheerful nod before signaling for a short break.

You walk over and grab a bottle of water while tossing one to Hoseok as the two of you sink to the ground in exhaustion.

“I love it more than anything. There’s nothing else in the world that makes me feel like I can express everything I’m feeling the way that dancing does. It makes me feel sort of unstoppable, you know?” You laugh, light and carefree, and Hoseok wonders why he can’t seem to tear his eyes off of you at that moment.

“Wow” Hoseok whispers, not knowing how else to respond.

“Dancing gives me wings.” You state, standing up and getting ready for more practice.

“Wings?”

He doesn’t understand it then, but he figures he might someday.

…

Jung Hoseok’s group of friends is a rowdy bunch and sometimes they do things that make him wonder why he even hangs out with them. At the moment, he was watching Taehyung down a bottle of coke as quickly as possible while crowded in a booth at their favorite diner in town.

“New record!” Jungkook hoots like a frat boy.

“Yaaassss” Taehyung cheers, giving the younger boy a high five. He turns to Hoseok right after the celebration dies down. “Oh, hyung, I heard you’ve met a girl recently.”

“Yeah, he scored private dance lessons with Y/N. Y.N.” Jimin cuts in, crossing his arms and shaking his head like it was unbelievable. “Like dude, how the fuck did you get her number, when I’ve been secretly crushing on her for years?”

“She came to me.” Hoseok reminds. “But yeah, she’s pretty amazing. I can see why you were heads over heels for her.”

Jimin almost chokes on his water. “Thanks.” He mutters sarcastically. “I’m glad we can agree on one thing.”

“What I got out of the story is that you shouldn’t have invited Hoseok to the dance studio that day, and then arrived twenty minutes late.” Jungkook comments.

“Or maybe she just thinks he’s better at dancing than you.” Taehyung adds nonchalantly.

“Guys, stop rubbing it in.” Jimin sighs. “I’m over it.”

“That’s because you were never in it to begin with.” Jungkook cackles, and it’s so obnoxious that Jimin punches him in the shoulder.

To be completely honest, Hoseok didn’t understand it either. He didn’t know why you had offered to teach him how to dance and subsequently opted to spend your precious time with him almost everyday since, when you literally could have any other guy you wanted. You were beautiful, sweet, super talented, and sought after by every guy at the dance academy (according to Jimin) and he was just…Hoseok.

“Remember when I said your moves lacked emotion the first time I met you?”

“Yeah.” Hoseok clearly remembers that unexpected day that changed his life in a way he couldn’t have even dreamed of. It was one of the most memorable things that has ever happened to him and had been less than a month ago, so of course he remembers. He always will.

“Well that wasn’t entirely true.”

“What do you mean?”

“There was a indecipherable kind of sadness I felt when I watched you dance. Has anything traumatic ever happened in your life? Sorry if I’m being nosy, but I think that emotion is still there even as I watch you dance now.”

Hoseok is stunned by your ability to analyze expression in dance, because never in a million years would he suspect anyone to be able to read him like a book the way you do. He hasn’t told anyone about his past, about being raised by a single father after his mother left him. He had become an expert at hiding these things, not wanting to bother anyone with his old scars that he thought had faded completely.

But you somehow became his soothing balm because he’s never felt this comfortable talking about his vulnerabilities with anyone, and certainly not this early on in any kind of relationship. He wonders if you’ll ever feel comfortable enough to open up to him in the same way he has to you because you were much stronger than he was on many levels, and yet he didn’t feel the need to outcompete you or prove himself in order to impress you. He liked the way you guided him and showed him the world through your eyes because everything you saw was artistic and breathtaking just like you. And thinking back, maybe he shouldn’t have made you feel like you had to be his stability in the turbulence that is life because it’s much easier to balance on a moving train when two people are leaning on each other.

…

“Are you ready for your first performance?” You voice echoes through the dance studio once again as Hoseok’s gaze is still trained on his moving reflection in the mirror.

Another month had passed, and you had finally deemed Hoseok ready to enter into a dance competition. You’re team needed an extra person, and Hoseok had improved immensely just like you had predicted he would, so he was the perfect person to take the spot.

“Oh god, Y/N, I’m so nervous. I think I’m going to shit myself.”

You laugh out loud. “Come on Hobi, you’ll be fine. You’re dancing with a group, and I’ll be on stage with you.”

“I-I can’t do this.” Hoseok shakes his head, trying to calm his erratic breathing. “I haven’t been able to sleep and my hands are clammier than they’ve ever been.”

“Be brave, I believe in you.”

Hoseok doesn’t know if it’s because of your angelic voice or the determined look in your eyes as you lift a hand to caress his cheek, but in that instant he forgets about his nerves and worries about messing up or forgetting the steps on stage, because he would do anything for you, and if you believed in him, he was unstoppable.

…

It was on a cold rainy night when you faint in the dance studio for the first time. All Hoseok remembers is hearing a loud thump on the ground and panicking as he sprinted over to shake you awake in vain. There were a million thoughts racing through his head at the time. He didn’t know what to do and his mind wasn’t clear enough to be rational, so he lifts you up on his back and runs.

He runs and runs and runs. Faster than he ever has in his life, through the pouring water that is trickling into his eyes and blinding him, choking his airways as he tries to breath while he sprints through the dark and empty streets, fueled by pure panic and limitless adrenaline. He doesn’t know how serious this is, and he’s praying that it’s only a side effect of fatigue. And for a moment he’s actually able to persuade himself it could be just lack of sleep or the result of skipping a meal, but what it actually was, was something Hoseok could’ve never been prepared for. Even in retrospect, he still doesn’t know how he survived the ultimate revelation of your disease.

You had been diagnosed with a type of incurable cancer several years ago. Initially the chemotherapy had kept the malignant tumor at bay, but as expected of such vile diseases, it relapsed not too long ago. You had wanted to tell Hoseok, you really did, but you didn’t want to be responsible for tainting his sunny smile with the crimson from your dying body, not when his past wounds were just beginning to heal and his laugh had become your favorite sound in the world. But you were a fool to believe you could hide it from him forever.

“I’m sorry Hoseok. I’m sorry I’m scaring you like this. I wanted to tell you, but-”

“It’s my fault.” Hoseok shakes his head, biting his hands that are balled into fists. He hates himself for being the weak one. He hates the fact that you could never lean on him the way he leaned on you. It made him realize just how small and pathetic he was, and even now with tears streaming down his face uncontrollably as he watched your limp body lay on the hospital bed, he’s still fucking powerless.

“No, Hoseok, please don’t blame yourself. Don’t you dare ever blame yourself when someone else leaves you. Listen to me, it’s not your fault, it never is and it never will be.” Your voice is barely stern enough to sound cutting, but it was as sharp as you are able to manage with your vocal cords growing weak.

“Y/N, why didn’t you tell me?”

Your mouth curves into a faint smile. “Because I’ve always wanted to be strong, so I can show you what it feels like to have wings.” Your voice is weak, and your eyelids are droopy, but Hoseok’s grip is firmly latched on to your hand and somehow you’re able to convince yourself he’ll never let go.

…

One month.

That was how long your projected lifespan was according to the doctor, and as short as that may seem, as unfair as it was, you were thankful that you at least had that amount of time.

You couldn’t dance anymore, and that was perhaps what hit you the hardest, to have the one thing you loved most in this world ripped away from your soul. But you had Jung Hoseok, and you soon came to consider him to be the best trade-off you were lucky enough to be granted because he had become your sun on the gloomiest of days, the sweet scent of honeysuckle in the summer when you were banished into an endless winter. And it was precisely because he was the thing that replaced your long-held passion that made you realize just how deeply you had fallen in love with the him.

“How was your day?” You ask as he walks into your hospital room with a bouquet of flowers and a first place dance medal in his hands.

“It was great! We won Y/N! Your choreographed routine got first place!” He chirps, hoping over to your bedside and handing you the shiny gold medal.

You smile sadly. “I wish I was there to watch you perform.”

Hoseok takes a deep breath and sits down, taking your free hand and cupping it in both of his. “I was thinking about you the entire time I was dancing. I think that’s what made the performance perfect.”

You laugh. “So cheesy, I’m cringing.”

“Hey, I’m just speaking the truth.” Hoseok defends. “You’re the one who told me dance can allow you to express anything. I was dancing as if you were right there on stage with me, so technically you were the one who won this.”

Whenever he has time, Hoseok comes to visit and pushes you in a wheelchair around the hospital grounds. It was a good way to let you breath some fresh air and feel the rays of the sun hit your skin and warm your soul. Winter was coming to an end, and spring was just around the corner, so Hoseok hopes you can see the flowers bloom at least one last time.

“I’m glad that I met you, but I’m also sad I’m putting you through this.” You voice as you gaze at the empty trees that are just barely beginning to sprout green leaves. The wind was a bit chilly, but you felt strangely warm because your world now had two suns.

“I’m glad that I met you, and I’m grateful you’ve shared so much of yourself with me.” Hoseok repeats. “I love you.”

“I love you too, Hoseok.”

…

You left this life when the wild flowers started blooming in the spring. It was a peaceful death, although not without pain, but Hoseok was by your side the entire way through, like he always was, like he always will be, and like you always will be there for him. He was able to send you off because you had made him brave enough to face loss with a strong heart, to forgive misfortunate events because they give birth to everlasting memories that make you stronger.

And to this day he still misses you like the sun misses the moon, like star-crossed lovers miss each other from across chasms that separate worlds. He doesn’t think he’ll ever not miss you. He knows his heart will continue to search for you endlessly, reaching out towards that light he’ll continuously be racing towards and maybe he’ll never reach it, but at least he knows exactly where to find you.

He can still hear the airy sound of your voice each time he steps on stage. When he’s trembling with nerves and has to take that deep sedative breath right before stepping under the limelight with the cheer of the crowd encouraging him to move like the wind, which he’s now able to do because you gifted him your wings.

“Be brave, I’ll always believe in you.”

...

#bts scenarios #bangtan bookclub #btswriters #sfwbangtan #armiesnet #hoseok scenarios #bts fanfic #jung hoseok #jhope #bts angst #please excuse my ugly sobbing #requested

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everythingbiggerincanada · 5 years ago

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1. What is you middle name? Davis

2. How old are you? 26 turning 27 soon..

3. When is your birthday? Feb 4th

4. What is your zodiac sign? Not sure tbh I was told Aquarius

5. What is your favorite color? Purple

6. What’s your lucky number? Ummm 99 I think

7. Do you have any pets? No but im gonna get a dog

8. Where are you from? Scarborough Canada

9. How tall are you? 5'10/11

10. What shoe size are you? 12

11. How many pairs of shoes do you own? 8 or 9

12. What was your last dream about? I dont dream but if I do its generally a nightmare. My last one though was about a girl I know and how we were playing cod and I tickled her. But thats super odd for me.

13. What talents do you have? I not sure. I like to game and sing, shoot guns and used to love jumping outta planes until my injury. But I can cook?

14. Are you psychic in any way? Nope

15. Favorite song? Right now its You Broke Me First

16. Favorite movie? I just watched a movie called The Hate U Get. That was incredible I also love Harry Potter

17. Who would be your ideal partner? Who, thats easy, but I keep fucking up good relationships. At least this past year so atm no idea.

18. Do you want children? I thought about it. And honestly not unless my wife did. I would want to be a dad maybe someday but only after I get my wife all to myself for a year lol..

19. Do you want a church wedding? Maybe. Honestly would like my wedding on my family estate

20. Are you religious? Used to be. Now I have a tenous relationship with God.. I used to believe but everytime I needed God he was no where to be found...

21. Have you ever been to the hospital? Yeah more times then I could count.

22. Have you ever got in trouble with the law? When I was a kid like 5 I stole a candy bar and got caught. But no police just an ass whooping from hell

23. Have you ever met any celebrities? Yes I have. A few

24. Baths or showers? Both. I like to bath then shower

25. What color socks are you wearing? None atm

26. Have you ever been famous? I guess. Depends on how you define fame..

27. Would you like to be a big celebrity? No

28. What type of music do you like? Hip-hop, Rnb, Pop, some rap. Etc

29. Have you ever been skinny dipping? Yes

30. How many pillows do you sleep with? 4

31. What position do you usually sleep in? My side. I like to cuddle and its more comfortable. Hard for me to sleep any other way

32. How big is your house? Its not huge. Its enough for now

33. What do you typically have for breakfast? Oatmeal or eggs or bagels!!!

34. Have you ever fired a gun? Yes several and often. I was military

35. Have you ever tried archery? Yes and im no Robin hood

36. Favorite clean word? Eh

37. Favorite swear word? Fuck

38. What’s the longest you’ve ever gone without sleep? 4 days I think

39. Do you have any scars? Yes several. My biggest one is on my leg. And I got one from being stabbed

40. Have you ever had a secret admirer? Yes

41. Are you a good liar? No.. It starts eating me away. I get sad after awhile. Its easy to tell

42. Are you a good judge of character? Yes for the most part

43. Can you do any other accents other than your own? Lol no but I try anyways

44. Do you have a strong accent? I dont think so but some would say yes

45. What is your favorite accent? French

46. What is your personality type? I have no idea. I'm very domineering

47. What is your most expensive piece of clothing? Umm my suits

48. Can you curl your tongue? Lol kinda?

49. Are you an innie or an outie? Ummm 🤷‍♂️

50. Left or right handed? Right

51. Are you scared of spiders? Not the small ones

52. Favorite food? Chicken 😂

53. Favorite foreign food? Popish

54. Are you a clean or messy person? Messy

55. Most used phrased? Get Fucked

56. Most used word? Umm

57. How long does it take for you to get ready? Not long

58. Do you have much of an ego? Yes

59. Do you suck or bite lollipops? Depends lol. Ill suck on it if I enjoy it

60. Do you talk to yourself? Yes

61. Do you sing to yourself? Yes

62. Are you a good singer? I've been told yes

63. Biggest Fear? Not being good enough. Not feeling ok

64. Are you a gossip? I tend to talk shit but im learning thats part of my bigger issues im working on 🤷‍♂️

65. Best dramatic movie you’ve seen? The Hate U Got

66. Do you like long or short hair? Both

67. Can you name all 50 states of America? Yed

68. Favorite school subject? History

69. Extrovert or Introvert? Extrovert I think. Well post covid

70. Have you ever been scuba diving? Yes

71. What makes you nervous? Large crowds. And certain ppl

72. Are you scared of the dark? Yes. Im afraid of what I cant see

73. Do you correct people when they make mistakes? Sometimes

74. Are you ticklish? Yes but if you try and tickle me ill probably lose it lol

75. Have you ever started a rumor? Yes

76. Have you ever been in a position of authority? Yes alot

77. Have you ever drank underage? Yes

78. Have you ever done drugs? No except edibles

79. Who was your first real crush? Shekinah was I wanted to marry her

80. How many piercings do you have? Zero

81. Can you roll your Rs?“ lol not really

82. How fast can you type? Depends on if you want full complete sentences that makes senses or a bunch of bullshit lol..

83. How fast can you run? Pretty fast or i used to be able too

84. What color is your hair? Dark brown

85. What color is your eyes? Brown

86. What are you allergic to? Penicillin

87. Do you keep a journal? Actually I started writing on this site that allows for anonymous "stories" or just a place to express yourself. Its been really helpful. My doctor recommended writing out how I feel could help since I struggle with being honest about my struggles...

88. What do your parents do? My father passed away and my mom is retired

89. Do you like your age? No I feel old

90. What makes you angry? Depends. I dont often get angry but hurting people I care about will do it

91. Do you like your own name? Its ok. I prefer Davis over Connor but its who I am

92. Have you already thought of baby names, and if so what are they? No not really.

93. Do you want a boy a girl for a child? Girl

94. What are you strengths? Leadership, staying calm under pressure, being able to focus when its hard. Honestly their are a few things but right now I feel like I have alot more weakness...

95. What are your weaknesses? That would be way to long of a list and im not sure id want Tumblr to see it

96. How did you get your name? My momma named me after atv show...

97. Were your ancestors royalty? Yes

98. Do you have any scars? Yes several

99. Color of your bedspread? Grey and black

100. Color of your room? Off white

0 notes

giarts · 5 years ago

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Celebrating Juneteenth with Black Artists!

Submitted by admin on June 18, 2020

<![CDATA[/* ><![CDATA[/* ><![CDATA[/* ><!]]]]]]><![CDATA[><![CDATA[>*/ /*--><!]]]]><![CDATA[>*/ /*--><!]]>*/

It’s a great holiday to be sharing with each of you today, Juneteenth! As we gather – remotely – to honor and celebrate the power and jubilation of this day, liberation for ancestors and elders, we hope to echo the voices and experiences of Black artists who have brought us joy, made us feel seen, challenged, supported, and taught us so much. We come here with deep gratitude and deeper commitment to investing in a future of liberation for Black peoples everywhere.

Today, we join many of you commemorating the emancipation of enslaved folks in the U.S. and working toward an equitable and just field and future. This Juneteenth, the GIA team offers some reflections on personal experiences with a Black artist who has contributed to our lives.

We hope our reflections inspire sharing of your stories with Black artists who have been central in your life.

From Sherylynn

I could write an entire book on Black art, art while Black, and how inspiring it is.

Black artists continue to create despite the fact that creating art while living in a Black body will always be “a political statement.” If your art leans too much into the Black experience or is too Afro-futurist, it’s radical or controversial. If it leans too much into the Eurocentric style, it’s political because “what makes you think you belong in this space?” Yet still, we keep creating art to teach, heal, entertain, find solace and fulfillment, and spread joy. I love that.

Jean-Michel Basquiat said it best, “I don’t listen to what art critics say. I don’t know anybody who needs a critic to find out what art is.”

Thank you, Black artists. Keep creating unapologetically. Here is to more life and more freedom, (raises glass), Happy Juneteenth!

From Carmen

As I write these words, Prince and Janet Jackson take turns in my Spotify. I can’t decide which of them has been more influential in my life, since as a die-hard music lover, I grew up with both as MTV and VH1 filled my after-school hours.

Video after video, Janet taught me many dance moves and, in doing so, she taught me so much about confidence and joy. In my senior year, I took many of those lessons and translated them to an interpretation of one of her classics, “If.” Back then I asked four friends to dance with me and we spent many afternoons rehearsing our choreography. I remember feeling that Janet’s strength and energy got directly into my soul when I took the stage.

Queen Janet is still queen Janet in my life. I would have seen her for the first time this year, but her Black Diamond tour is one of those that lost to the cancellations due to the coronavirus pandemic. I’m still heartbroken (insert “That’s the Way Love Goes” for this moment in my life’s soundtrack), but I’m hopeful I’ll be able to dance with her someday, even if it’s from a very far away seat.

Photo by Manu Kumar on Unsplash

Songs from Prince like “Nothing Compares to You,” on the other hand, are equally integral to my soundtrack. I would daydream thinking that the love of my life would dedicate lyrics to me like the ones in “The Most Beautiful Girl in the World.” I still love that video and its diverse cast of women because I saw myself in many of them!

His death in 2016 left me with a void (similar to how I felt when David Bowie died earlier that year), but Prince’s memoir, “The Beautiful Ones,” has provided me a special way to connect with that beautiful – and complex – mind.

As I write this brief love letter to two of my greatest inspirations I cannot help wanting to sing and dance my heart away (in a very fashionable way, of course).

From Sylvia

youtube

I AM (HEAR), directed by Olympia Perez

Black Trans Media is an organization run by Sasha Alexander and Olympia Perez for the Black trans and gender nonconforming community – one of the few organizations run by, and in service and support of the Black trans and GNC community. Sasha officially founded the organization in 2013 to shift and reframe the worth and value of Black trans people everywhere through media, art, advocacy, and community organizing, but I have known Sasha since 2004, and they were making space and time for racial and gender justice and liberation long before we even met. Thank you for being part of my family and for the adventures through the years and always driving me home because I don’t have a license (I will not give away more dates because Sasha and I have aged very well and we have reputations to uphold).

From Yessica

circa 2005.

I was so fresh, I mean perm fresh (really a relaxer. IF you know, you know).

I entered a lecture hall in a college, not my own, in upstate NY somewhere. I listened to the words of Professor Kaba Hiawatha Kamene, words that would bend my world, and force me to forge a new path. Teaching me that unlearning is only the beginning and probably the hardest to do. Realizing what I had learned in so many classrooms before this one didn’t stick because it wasn’t our truth. You said to never fear and continue to plant seeds for we do not know which ones will sprout. 15 years later, I still remember the conversations we had in that room, and look at how far I’ve come. I am eternally grateful. The warrior in me honors the warrior in you. Onward and forward, with love and light, Professor Kaba Hiawatha Kamene, Meta Netur Scholar.

From Champ

“Christ You Know it Ain’t Easy!!” was the title of the show that introduced me to Deborah Grant’s work in 2014, but it could be a mantra for many of us – any of us – and you know what I mean by that. She contains multitudes, and everything is grist for her mill. “Everything in life is accessible and it needs to be looked at over and over and over again” she says, and “The key is how well you transform those aspects into something that is unique and of your own hand. If you are going to steal, then DO IT WELL!” Her sources and allusions and motifs range everywhere through art and culture and history; she breaks down the labels that are used to segregate one set of experiences from another. I can’t say it better than John Yau: “There is nothing essentialist about Grant’s investigation of identity, but what she does is essential.”

Installation view, Deborah Grant, The Birth of a Genius in a Midnight Sun, 2012. Photo by Tyler Green, Modern Art Notes Podcast.

From Steve

John Coltrane was the last giant of jazz. But he was my first meaningful touchstone. I arrived in college with plans to eventually get a seat in a symphony, pull together a basket of students, maybe a find a steady teaching job. I was well-versed as I could have been in the classics. My jazz experience was limited to the big bands my parents enjoyed from their youth. And that didn’t conflict or expand upon my notion of musicianship as a virtuosic effort. Hit every note, nail the auditions, win the seat. Perfection.

So it was a surprise to me that I quickly began to gravitate toward the jazzers. They spoke a new language around music that elevated expression and feeling and connection. So I jumped in and John Coltrane was the first landing.

He wasn’t a revolutionary, though he recorded with Cecil Taylor. He wasn’t a be-bopper or a hard-bopper, though he came into himself through those musics. He was a devotee and a tenacious seeker. The patriarchs of his family were preachers, and he internalized their cadence and modulation and made that his music.

He was spiritual and humble, so confidence was difficult for him even though he was playing next to Miles and Monk in their respective bands which were at the top of the jazz world. He couldn’t immerse himself in spectacle of stardom because he felt that he had to work on his own thing. Following a performance, Miles and the guys would find the party and come back to their hotel the next day to find Trane asleep with his horn in his mouth.

On Kind of Blue, you can hear him finding higher gears in the sublime modal music of Miles and Bill Evans. On Giant Steps you hear him shift into those gears. He would speed through the last seven years of his life recording what seemed like an album every month. By the release of one he was disappearing over the horizon. In 1964, he disappeared to his home in Dix Hills, New York, and emerged a few weeks later with A Love Supreme, the record that was my introduction to Trane. It is reasonably considered the greatest jazz record ever made. Everything that followed would challenge and divide the critics and fans. His music was entirely a personal and spiritual endeavor.

He barely noticed when the critics complained that he was riding on his previous fame while making “unlistenable” music (a widely-held perspective that I don’t agree with). He barely noticed that he was terminally ill.

He’s called the last giant because the music called jazz became a niche in the cultural landscape; African-American folklore to be studied in music school. His genius was undeniable. But his important late-period work could be hard to digest. For most, it took an act of faith to sit through 40-minute doses of group improvisation. After Trane’s death, Miles went towards Rock (a scandal of its own) and the music seemed to lose most of its casual audience and mainstream exposure.

My exploration of his music was not casual. I grabbed anything I could get and once or twice I took it in from start to finish. It is a remarkable trajectory over a short period of time. And it changed me. I saw the act of artmaking very differently after finding Coltrane.

From Eddie

Fred Wilson is an artist who changed my life through his work. Fred interrogates unspoken assumptions that inform museum display – what we choose to reveal and what we choose to conceal – as his artistic strategy. Using existing objects – oftentimes objects that are not displayed to the public – and placing them in relation to objects that are often displayed, he reveals how institutions conceal histories of racialized treatment of people. In this way, Fred’s exploration of race and racism is through revelatory critique of institutional practices.

In the words of Angelique Power, president of the Field Foundation of Illinois, “People use racial equity as a substitute for diversity… Racial equity is about shifting power and resources. It involves dismantling AND rebuilding systems. This is an important point since for many of us it stops with dismantling; rebuilding involves shifting resources and power, acknowledging history, and in some ways rethinking history that you have been told and, from that lens, building something new.”

My first real exposure to institutional and historical critique – and critiques of systems – was through Fred’s art.

Fred changed my life in another essential way. He was the first director of Longwood Art Gallery, located in the South Bronx. After years of his leadership, he stepped aside for a new era under Betti-Sue Hertz (who hired me as her gallery manager when I was still a college student). Fred continued to periodically visit to see exhibits as well as lend his name and his work to our efforts to raise funds and increase our profile.

Through Fred, I had a model of a person of color from the Bronx who engaged the art world on terms that were his own. I am humbled and grateful to know him. Thank you, Fred.

From Nadia

I knew of Kara Walker’s brilliant and critical work, art reshaping narratives, meanings subtle and bold, long before I saw it in person. The first instance was upon arriving at graduate school. I was met by Walker in a two-story tall mural transcending the open stair. It was a piece that provoked dialogue amongst students in a private, (self-identified) Marxist institution (quite a juxtaposition to navigate already) about race (the besieged topic of non-discussion amongst solely-class-based social analysis). The space Walker’s piece created was unlike the other white-walled boxes where “Art” was made. It was a space pressing us with histories politely avoided and self-reflections sidestepped.

Photo by metacynic, Flickr, Kara Walker’s “A Subtlety,” 2014.

The second time I got to experience Walker’s art was closer to home. Living adjacent to the in/famed Brooklyn neighborhood of Williamsburg (both North and South, there is a difference), I got to visit the former Domino Sugar Factory where “A Subtlety, or the Marvelous Sugar Baby” was installed for a several weeks in the midst of local struggle around gentrification, privatization, fare wages, and the fight for self-determination in Black and Brown communities, among others.

I share these stories of my time with Walker’s art because it feels like no coincidence that the timing corresponded with my learnings about systems change. The physical embodiment of that work was so apparent in Walker’s forms. The inescapability was palpable. The lessons still ongoing.

Posted by admin on June 18, 2020 at 03:04PM. Read the full post.

#arts #philanthropy #nonprofit

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askpet-archive · 8 years ago

Text

PET MHA 1

Ari is sitting in the main big room, holding a pencil, hands twitching as she wrote quietly on the paper, she knew a new intake was coming today, she wanted to give them a warm welcome.

Era was doodling in a corner of the room, trying not to get it onto the walls. She stared, focused on the disturbing doodles. She was trying something new, 'draw the hallucinations you see.' Kind of like, something to help grasp onto what was real and what wasn't. She glanced up again for what might of been the 5000th time, staring at everyone else in the room

Ari slid out of her seat, walking over to Era and sitting next to her "what are you making?" She asked, smiling softly, messing with a tiny rock in her hand. She had smuggled it inside last time they were allowed to the backyard

Era stares at Ari, fidgeting in her place, before holding up her picture. It's some.. type of bird? Deformed bird? 'This is birdie.' is scrawled on the paper as well Ari smiled "are they nice?"

Era nods her head, murmuring a "yes."

Ari heard the door opened, Ami came in "Ari, Era dears, do you want to meet the new intake?" Ari jumped, ready to g o

Era decided not socializing wouldn't help anything, despite feeling uncomfortable at the thought of meeting others. She stood up with Ari as well, clutching her paper. She wonders what the new people will be like

Ari couldnt touch Era due to rules, but she hovered her hand near Eras waist, ready to pull her close if neccsary. The nurse led them out into the hall, in the hall were two boys, Vince and CM

CM leaned against the hall wall, listening to Vincent while he crossed his arms, "And so the general told me to go into the bunker-" CM interrupted, "And then you found the others fortified without you. I know, you told me the story millions of times." He grunted, Vincent sighed and combed his hand through his hair.

Ari waved at this guy, smiling "bonjour! Im Arianna!" She exclaimed "this is my best friend Era!"

Era waves at the two of them, giving a blank stare. She continues to hold her paper with her right hand

Vincent looked hopeful, "More survivors! Oh I'm so glad that the carrier was able to load in more units, I thought Colonel and I were the last batch making it to the hospital!" He said in glee, CM fixing his bandages on the left side of his face.

Ari played along, nodding "yep! I was terrified when shhhhstuf went down, i got Era and Spop out as fast as possible though"

Vincent waved over to CM, "Come Colonel! Do you recognize any of these soldiers? Were these any of yours?" CM sighed and got up from the wall and slouched over, staring at them, "Ah yes... they are..." He looked at their nametags, "Ari and Era... None of mine though." CM played along.

Era blinks, frowning. Soldiers? Survivors? Oh no, had the apocalypse started yet and she wasn't informed? That would be bad, really. What kind of apocalypse would it be? Maybe aliens finally invaded. That would prove everyone she was right about them. She's just staring off into nothing now, lost in thought, forgetting that other people were in the room

CM snapped his fingers, "Hey. Hey." He bent over closer, "There's nothing going on. I'm acting." He whispered, smiling and putting his index finger over his mouth, "Shh..."

Ari softly pinched Eras hand, wake up. "Oh, you guys arent in uniform yet, ill show you too it. Leader Amanda says its good for everyone to be in regular clothing, leaves our bodies light enough to train"

Era blinks, going out of her thoughts once the two of them got her out of it. Oh, okay. Aliens would invade someday, though. She was really sure of that. Oh, wait, did she need to say something? Maybe not.. she didn't have anything to say.. is that a bad thing? Ari's talking to them now, okay, she doesn't need to anymore

CM got up from his leaning position, directing his question to Ari, "So, what's wrong with you guys? I might as well ask to make sure anyone pulls a knife on us. Luckily I made myself a bodyguard, he gets annoying but he's alright."

Ari snickered "i wont hurt anyone. I just...see...things..." she trailed off, looking behind him "era is.. kind of...she just hallucinates i think.." "Schizophrenic." Era mutters, just loud enough for him to hear

He nodded, "Hallucinations are very popular in here, myself... I have DID. I might as well not say their names or they might want to meet you." He pointed over towards Vincent, "That guy has PTSD, he thinks he's in WW2. A real interesting guy."

Aris eyes widened "poor guy! Maybe he had a past life" she heard the DID statement, she looked at CM "id love to meet them. Ive met people with it before, its interesting"

CM glared at her, not menacingly, just curious. "You want to meet them? Well, one of them wont be able to come out because my camera is upstairs... I guess I could have Actor come out..." He muttered as he said Actor's name. He stepped back and took a breath, bowing and starting to say, "Act I... Prolouge... From ancient grudge break to new mutiny..." He began with a dull tone. CM suddenly paused mid sentence and put on a glorious expression as if he was on a spotlight, "Where civil blood makes civil hands unclean. From forth the fatal loins of these two foes. A pair of star-cross'd lovers take their life; Whole misadventured piteous overthrows!" He cheered, boastfully ending his talk, bending over and shaking both Era and Ari's hands.

Era jerks her hand away almost immediately, stepping back a bit. Wait, oh no, was that rude? Oh no, she didn't mean to be rude, she just didn't want them to touch her, oh no. "Sorry-" She would of said more, explaining why she did it, but decided after one word that she didn't want to talk anymore and just stood next to Ari rather awkwardly

Ari jolted a bit. H i. "Oh, hi." She chuckled, shaking his hand "touch isnt allowed here just so you know..you said your name was Actor?" She smiled "Arianna, pleasure to meet you"

Actor bowed and apologized, "My mistake, M'Lady and Ser. Alot of people here are shy audiences... Only Vincent really enjoys my company..." He started to get down, then put on a happy smile again, "I'll take my intermission." Actor blinked, CM coming back again."He didnt touch you guys right? I swear if he did again..."

Ari laughed "its ok! I love contact, he can touch me, hand poke, hug, anythin. I dont care, Era doesnt like it though"

CM facepalmed, and heaved, "Can this guy remember the rules or what..."CM stepped back away and signaled Vincent with a snap, "Alright Vincent. Let's go. I better get back and find some new plastic cups, they always forget to give me some after room service." Vincent stood in attention and nodded his head, walking down the hall as CM walked behind him.

Spop was sitting in the common room. In her arms was a pig plushie that she clutched tightly, quietly muttering to it.

Ari decided now was a good time to- oh. Wait whats that. She starts following something only she can see, down the boy bedroom hall

Era blinks, now standing in the empty room. Uh. Okay. She looks around, before just, sitting down and going back to her drawing

-----

CM drunk from a plastic cup, surveying a dead outside with nothing but dark gloomy trees and muddy grass. Vincent sat down next to Spop, "Hello! How's Klondike? Did the nurse patch him up?"

Spop looked up at Vincent and her eyes sparkled. "Mhm! He is all better now!"Vincent's face lit up, "That's superb!" CM looked down at the two of them , "Vincent, did the nurse tell you anything about when your leaving?" He asked, Vincent shrugged, "She told me that I wont be out of care for another few years. You?"CM sighed, "I havent heard much..."

"The nurse says that I cant leave as long as I talk to Klondike"

"Actor may know, but he rarely wants to speak to me. Cammy just... changes the subject over to if I cleaned the lenses off my camera or not."

Spop tilted her head and her eyes lit up more when Actor was mentioned. Spop likes Actor

Ari walked into the room, she looked upset. "Hey guys" she muttered, "...did you guys know we're all broken and insane and nothing we think we see can be actually real and the only reason we're like this is because we're weaker then the rest of the population?"

CM looked up quickly, getting up and signaled her to zip her mouth. "I swear if you... yknow- I'll actually have Actor perform a death act. Those two cant handle something like that! And for a fact, Im stronger than alot of healthy people." Vincent looked up at CM, his eyes fearful, "That's not... true. Right General? Atleast for me? I'm a healthy guy... right?" He glared over at Ari in an intense stare, "What made you think..."

Ari looked..completely out of it. Her eyes were glazed over, mouth stuck in a tiny frown, she had probably just had her meds "nope! You arent healthy! No one here is!"she laughed

CM couldnt make out a reply, his heart felt shattered, "I-I'm healthy... just not mentally. I believe... the nurses wont tell me anything about my condition..." He looked over towards Vincent who looked petrified, CM quickly stepped over towards him, "Vincent. Go to your quarters. You are ordered to forget about this conversation. Take the pills the nurse put on your drawer"Vincent got up and gloomly shuffled his way out of the room, nervously holding onto himself. CM swiftly turned heel and walked back towards Ari, "Why."

Ari shook her head and laughed again "merly told me! He also told me that no one here actually exsists, im all alone in the solitude room, or dead" she looked puzzled for a second "im probably dead"

"Ari, think about it. Would you be able to feel this if you were dead." CM held one of Ari's hands, knowing it could land him in solitude. He took a deep breath, "If you still think you're dead, know this. Atleast you have people to talk to. Death would be pure darkness. If no one existed... well... you wouldnt be able to smell the roses and fresh cut grass in the gardens."

Ari froze when he grabbed her hand, her eyes kind of, unglazing, she looked confused, before she realized "oh..god, i, oh jeez- my meds always do that, its a side effect.." she panicked a bit, looking around..no nurses were nearby, she hugged CM in thanks, before quickly pulling back "did-did i say something bad? I didnt upset anyone did i..?"

CM looked at were Vincent left the room, "Vincent may have heard your little rampage. I told him to go upstairs and take those memory pills the nurse gave him. Just to make sure he's alright, I think we should see him." He spoke, still in his mind of how heartwarming it was to recieve a hug. Actor was shouting in his head about how CM could break the rules and he couldnt

Ari starts running to go find Vincent, probably peeking into his room "Vincey..?"

Ami the nurse walked into the common room, glaring at CM "..i saw that. Dont let it happen again. There are attachment boundaries here Cam. No touching"she growled

CM let out a small groan, rolling his eyes as she left the room. He trailed behind Ari.Vincent was laying down on his bed, hands folded together and his eyes looking up at the ceiling. He heard his nickname, turning his head towards the door and surprised to see Ari. "Oh! Ari! Hey, what's up..." The glass of water next to him was empty and the pill bottle was open.

Ari decided not to mention it, instead putting on a smile "oh, nothing. Just checking on you. CM said you came up here. I wanted tp see if we could hang out!" She goes into his room and sits on the side of his bed, casually taking the pill bottle and reading what it does

He sat up in the bed, he gladly accepted the invitation. "That'll be great! What time is it? Wow, 4:36? I thought the clock was 12:23 when I looked at it a little bit ago." CM came in and sighed in relief, pulling up a chair towards the bed and sat with the others.

The pill bottle had information about erasing memory from 5-4 hours earlier after taking the pill.

Ari stared at it, before cracking a smile, slipping a pill up her sleeve and into a tiny pocket she had bitten into the fluff, before putting the pill bottle down Ari smiled softly, ruffling her friends hair "you mustve fallen asleep. Do you wanna talk about strategies orr, can me or CM tell a story?"

He nodded his head, "I'd love to hear your guys' stories for once!" CM looking at the clock and knew they werent supposed to be here at this time...

Ari nodded and clapped her hands together, about to start, before she seemed to see something, her body freezing up.

CM noticed her freezing up, glancing up at her and tried to see whatever she's seeing. He looked back at her and gave her hand a quick tap, and whispered, "Psst."

Vincent looked behind himself, "Ari?"

Ari pulled back when he touched her. Whatever shes seeing, it aint good. Shes shaking.

CM fully turned to her, "Hey. Remember what therapy told you. Generalize the situation. Calm down. And tell me what you see."

Ari didnt answer, shes starting to cry

"I- they-" she looked at CM and forced back a scream, skittering backward "CM..? Are you-" hes bleeding oh my god..

---

Spop walked over to Era and put her chin on the couch next to Era. She stared at the drawing before smiling. "It looks pretty"

Era gives a ghost of a smile, nodding a "thanks." to Spop

Spop giggled

She pauses in the drawing for a moment, glancing up, before adding something to it "how are you.." It seemed more like a statement then a question, but oh well

"I'm good. you?"

"mmm.." Era looks up again, focusing on something, before replying "fine."

Spop sighed and walked off to find someone else to talk to. It was clear Era had other things to do. Not like Era trusted her

Era brings her gaze over to Spop, staring as she started to walk off, "wait-" Oh, no, well what does she say now. She really did want to talk more, the silence was beginning to become suffocating "uhm. hows klondike?" Okay, tack on that

Spop turned around and looked at Era. "Klondike doing well. The lady in green came and fixed him right up!"

"oh, that's good. the nurses are always really nice, right?"

"Uh huh, though rumor has it" She leaned in close to Era "One of em isn't a human"

Era's eyes widen "oh! i bet it's the one with the messy bun, right? she always acted weird, weird, weird.. secretive!"

"I bet it's the one who runs this place. The black man"

Era thinks for a moment "that seems like it'd be true, too. there's a lot of evidence for it.. i haven't seen much people notice though.."

Speaking of the 'blonde man' Charles walks into the room "hello girls!" He smiled "im sorry ive been on the adult side all day, was group today enjoyable?"

Spop looked at Charles and squinted her eyes. "It was"

Era looks over at him, her face going back to being a blank stare "i think it was nice."

He nodded "perfect! Anywho, its about 5 minutes from dinnertime, you hungry?"

Era nods, slightly eager. Food was always nice, especially when she wanted to be distracted

Spop nodded and ran off to get Klondike

Charles clapped his hands together, going to go find the other three patients

---

CM holds her name, shaking it slightly. "Hey. Come back to us. Ari. Snap out of it. We're here!" Vincent sat there, quiet. He doesnt know what to do. He looks hopelessly towards CM.

Ari blinked a few times, it wasnt going away "CM.." she whined, grabbing his arm. This was normal uh

CM heard footsteps coming towards their room, he doesnt know wether he should force Ari's grip off of him or just accept punishment.

Charles looked in the room, a confused look on his face when he looked in "..what is going on in here?!" He exclaimed, too late now

Ari doesnt really realize, girl is just cryin dont mind her

CM yelped at the sight of him at the door, freezing. Vincent saw the man and closed his mouth, 'Umm.. he um. Ari- er."

Charles went over and pulled CMs arm away from Ari, proceeding to carefully inject something into the frozen girls arm, before turning back to CM "three touches. In one day, CM, give me one reason i shouldnt put you on watch."

"They were all for good reasons. I swear. Please dont put me in solitude." He winced at the word of him having three touches in ONE day. Getting up quickly and kept out of the proximity of the other two.

Charles sighed, idiot boy. He looked at Vincent "go head to dinner with the others, Ari will join you later, you too cm."

Vincent got up from the bed, CM motioned him to speed up. They both left the room, quiet muttering fell behind them.

#Mental Hospital AU #side story

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peach1337xo · 8 years ago

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Ooo wow I actually got tagged in one of these things! Thankyou @metatronmanticore! xo THE LAST: 1. Drink: Red cordial 2. Phone call: A lady from my employment services agency. She's cool. 3. Text message: Mum's coming over tomorrow morning to bring me some cold medication. Woot! 4. Song you listened to: Yellow Magic Orchestra - Loom 5. Time you cried: I was having a pretty shit time of it last week but I'm not sure if I actually *cried*.

HAVE YOU: 6. Dated someone twice: A long period of yes/no/yes/no/yes, but does that really count? 7. Kissed someone and regretted it: Oh like lots of times. Plenty. 8. Been cheated on: Oh yeah. 9. Lost someone special: Not in a death sense, but definitely in a they've gone away permanently sense. 10. Been depressed: Uhhhh...only for as long as I can remember? 11. Gotten drunk and thrown up: This is basically my favourite thing to do. I need to stop that.

LIST 3 FAVORITE COLORS: 12. Purple 13. Yellow 14. Green (I don’t actually know if these are my favourite colours because limiting a colour to a simple name like this is kind of redundant and not very expressive -- there’s all the shades and hues in the world that don’t have names -- but this’ll do for starters.)

IN THE LAST YEAR HAVE YOU: 15. Made new friends: Not really, but certain friendships have grown a lot more. 16. Fallen out of love: I fell out of love with an entire city. 17. Laughed until you cried: Oh ya. I try not to because otherwise my make-up runs and that shit stings. 18. Found out someone was talking about you: I don't think people talk about me. 19. Met someone who has changed you: Have I even met anyone new in the last year? 20. Found out who your friends are: Oh yeah. Definitely. 21. Kissed someone on your facebook list: Apart from the Euro-airkissies, just one. 22. How many of your facebook friends do you know in real life: About 90%. There's a few Bemani heads from around the place I haven't met IRL. 23. Do you have any pets: No! And I'm devastated about it. Once I get my shit a bit more together I'll adopt a pupper. 24. Do you want to change your name: I did for the longest time, because it's so hard to find my name on shit. Also I have to spell it out so it gets written down the right way. 25. What did you do for your last Birthday: I had an eye injury so all my plans for a shit-hot 30th birthday went out the window. I hung out with Mum and Dad and ate chocolate cake though, and that was really nice. 26. What time did you wake up: Ummm, about 7.30am? 27. What were you doing at midnight last night: I was asleep! Work today. 28. Name something you can’t wait for: Things to get a little easier, for everybody. 29. When was the last time you saw your mom: Uhhhh, shit I don't know! Couple of weeks ago? 30. What is one thing you wish you could change in your life: You know what this is so don't even ask. 31. What are you listening right now: My own tinnitus and the clack of the keys beneath my fingies. 32. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom: AND NUMBER THREE IS NEVER SAY HIS NAME. (Who needs that sentimental bullshit anyway...) 33. Something that is getting on your nerves: The ongoing ritual of trying to escape poverty while mentally ill. 34. Most visited Website: Three-way tie between Facebook, Twitter, and Tumblr. I just stay in a refresh loop of those three all day.

LOST QUESTIONS. I JUST PUT IN RANDOM INFO ABOUT ME: 35. Mole/s: I have a few little ones on my arm and one on my back. 36. Mark/s: I have a birthmark on my ass, and one on my leg that looks like a ballet shoe en pointe. 37. Childhood dream: Wear a tailored suit, have a BMW, and have a mobile phone. 38. Hair Colour: The most boring shade of brown ever, and a bit of an auburny reddish brown on the bits that still have dye on them. 39. Long or short hair: Long hair. I wish I could cut it off for management's sake but I look shit with short hair. 40. Do you have a crush on someone: I have girly crushes on a lot of people. This Tumblr is mostly a collage of whichever hot celebrity I happen to have a crush on this week. 41. What do you like about yourself: I still pick myself up and give it a go after life routinely explodes in my face. 42. Piercings: Just my earlobes. 43. Bloodtype: No fucking clue haha. 44. Nickname: Some peoples used to call me Peach. Now I have a real name again and it's sad. 45. Relationship status: Spending a lot of time with someone spesh and going on monthly burger dates and going to record fairs and only ever watching Twin Peaks at the same time and sharing each other's clothes and going for drives and singing to Radiohead together, but it's not a relationship. I don't want to call myself single though because there's nowhere else I'd rather be. 46. Zodiac: Scorpio. 47. Pronouns: She/Her 48. Favourite TV Show: Currently watching Twin Peaks, I'm Dying Up Here, Underbelly 49. Tattoos: Nothing yet. One planned. 50. Right or left hand: Right handed. 51. Surgery: Nah. I should have taken the opportunity to get my ears fixed though. I'm a total wingnut, but I don't want it done for cosmetic reasons anymore though. They just hurt after a few hours in headphones. 52. Hair dyed in different color: I'm not really into abnormal coloured hair, but I do put through a permanent box dye every now and then when I can be bothered. 53. Sport: Not an athlete, but avid sports watcher. Gimme soccer and basketball, mostly. 55. Vacation: I need to spend a good long stretch of time in New York City before I cark it. 56. Pair of trainers: Vans Authentics for me!

MORE GENERAL: 57. Eating: I just ate a pretty shithouse frozen pizza. That was disappointing. 58. Drinking: Still drinking red cordial. 59. I’m about to: Probably resume flicking through Tumblr for a while longer, and then perhaps get onto working on tomorrow night's radio show. Maybe. 61. Waiting for: My pay to go in so I can buy this wicked-cool faux leather jacket. 62. Want: A better damn pizza because that shit I just ate was disappointing! 63. Get married: Having a party and committing to the best person ever? That sounds like something I want to be a part of. But, only when everyone else can. 64. Career: I'd love to be able to do radio as a full-time paid gig because I like hiding alone in rooms and talking to myself. Also, on the radio no one ever has to know how shit at life you are. The ultimate image job.

WHICH IS BETTER: 65. Hugs or kisses: I can make out for days. I am a makey-outey person. 66. Lips or eyes: I guess if I like someone I'm always looking at their lips because I'm thinking about getting all makey-outey with them. (See #65) 67. Shorter or taller: I like someone I can get makey-outey with without too much effort. 68. Older or younger: The closer in age the better, and generally older than me because I'm old fashioned/ingrained misogyny or something. 70. Nice arms or nice stomach: Gimme a set of arms that look great in a tight t-shirt. 71. Sensitive or loud: It's possible to be sensitive *and* loud. I mean, just look at me. I guess I prefer sensitivity though. 72. Hook up or relationship: Hooking up is evil and yet here I am been doing it for a whole year now. 73. Troublemaker or hesitant: Give me a bit of trouble, but I'm almost always the troublemaker. I need a bit of trouble so I know I'm not completely terrible when I do it.

HAVE YOU EVER: 74. Kissed a stranger: Loooooads of times. 75. Drank hard liquor: DRINKIN' HARD STUFF. LISTEN TO THE RADIO. FULL BLAST! 76. Lost glasses/contact lenses: I lost a pair of Prada frames once. They were fucking expensive. I also look back and they were pretty fugly so good riddance I guess. 77. Turned someone down: Yeah. 78. Sex in the first date: I've had sex *before* the first date. 79. Broken someone’s heart: I'm sure I have. In fact, I know I have. 80. Had your heart broken: Ohhhh ya. Aw geez. 81. Been arrested: Not yet! I've done a TONNE of shit worthy of an arrest though. 82. Cried when someone died: Not anyone I've known personally, which is odd. Some of those big celebrity clangers get to me though. Especially the suicides. 83. Fallen for a friend: Several times. It almost always does not turn out well.

DO YOU BELIEVE IN: 84. Yourself: I do! I just don't have many opportunities going for me right now where others can believe in me too. I'm in the business of generating those right now. 85. Miracles: Nah, more just sheer fuckin' luck. 86. Love at first sight: Not so much "love at first sight" but more of a "this person is going to be very important to you someday", because I definitely believe in that. 87. Santa Claus: Nah. I believe in Father Christmas. 88. Kiss on the first date: As I have already established, I am a big ol' fan of making out so yeah I normally go for it. Fuck it. 89. Angels: Sometimes, when I feel very very desperate and alone, I'll have a pray. No harm in it.

OTHER: 90. Current best friends name: He knows who he is. 91. Eyecolour: Blue. 92. Favorite movie: Blade Runner, I think? Yeah. That's a pretty good one. I was supposed to tag people in this but I seriously can’t be arsed at the minute. I kind of picked at some old scabs writing this so I want to go back to flicking through Tumblr and stare at photos of Trent Reznor until I feel better.

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