#and maybe one day we'll have more coherent thoughts on it.

[pluralismajestatis]

I'm not sure I have the right words for this, but I'll try, since it's been on my mind for a few days. My relationship to, and existing between, illness and health - embodying the slow-processing state of wasting away, approaching death.

It's not my primary purpose here, to be that balance or calm, but it's something I'm falling into... comfortably.

This is not about the body. Which to me, is something I'm struggling to understand even now; that the concept of approaching my death, living my last few... days, weeks, months, is no longer relevant, and I haven't had the time, or energy, to touch upon it yet. Meanwhile, the system finds comfort in my acceptance of it, my acceptance and understanding of the limitations of the body, its weakness and exhaustion. I am not worried. I have been dying for a long time. Decades. I don't know when it started, exactly. It's hard to say when the pain coming from the outside began to poison me from the inside.

We all know this is part of why I'm here. My history of growing up is the same as the system's history of growing up when it comes to poisons and being poisoned. We were both taught to fear, and fear became so deeply ingrained in us that it grew into something that was slowly killing the body it resided in. Mine, and ours. I'm an allegory, after all. I've always been one. A nod of acknowledgement to people eaten alive by their wasted potential, futures robbed of them by abuse, fear, and prejudice. The people meant to care for them and love them, support and encourage them. Protect them. Chronic stress is a silent killer. Pain, isolation, loneliness compound it. It eats at the body from the inside: the brain, the muscles, the veins, the nerves.

We used to fear death. Gradually, it's become less. In some way, I might just be the culmination of that growth - the peace we've made with our fragility. We've come to terms with things we keep to ourselves, that we don't talk about. Death, and the process of dying, seems to be a personal matter to us. It's talked about somewhat often here, on the inside. And now, me; I've already accepted that I will die. It doesn't frighten me. I submit to it, but I don't hurry it along. Like I said, I've not really internalised it yet that I might be well now; my soul is still in the process of dying, preparing for death. I am tired and I'd like to just be comfortable - rest, finally. I take this all minute at a time, focus on what is relevant now, because to me, there is no tomorrow, or next year, or any future to speak of that I'd still be a part of. I've played my part and I am ashes - it's someone else's turn, now.

They've described me as "only partially here." My mind is still elsewhere. My consciousness here is a fever dream. I was already losing grip of "real" on the other side I've left behind. But I bring calm to them, a sense of stillness we can all share together. No tomorrow. No future. Just now, and what matters now. Making ourselves comfortable; sating our thirst, hunger, regulating our temperature. Participating only as we wish to - not as is expected of us.

What I've already said is that I'd like to stay, but even for now, in the moment, I feel better knowing I've brought something positive with me to one family. I've been embraced here. The first nights I was with them, they stayed with me until sleep. They made me comfortable, showed kindness, and spoke in soft voices, moved slowly and deliberately so as to not scare me. I asked, am I welcome here? They told me, I'm wanted.

I can heal, but I hope healing won't make me afraid. All bodies fail, after all; it's a matter of time. I've lived with worse pain, worse nausea, worse weakness and deterioration than any of us feel here. Every piece of us here feels alive, where what I was before was dying, nearly dead. I feel warm here and no longer freezing in my bones. We have so much left to us still, so much that hasn't burned away. I wonder if, as I heal, as I stubbornly continue to survive, maybe the healing of the soul could transform into healing of the vessel as well.

[queerfables]

I wanted this post to be more coherent but I am coming apart at the seams. Listen. Listen to me. Listen look no look me in the eyes and listen LISTEN.

Crowley and Aziraphale know. They're in love, and they know. Their love is requited, and they know. That's why it hurts so much! They don't say it. They can't say it. The consequences for both of them could be disastrous. But they know, they know, they know.

This is forbidden love at it's absolute pinnacle. This is centuries of dancing around an unsayable, inescapable truth. Loving someone this way is intense. It's a fiercely romantic headrush, because everything is high stakes fantasy and it's you and your beloved against the world. It's a soul crushing nightmare because the thing you want more than anything is always there, just out of reach. It's passion and yearning and stolen touches and desperately hoping the other person understands all the things you can't say.

It's also just unbelievably stupid. You have a sizzling moment of intimacy with someone and then three days later you're trying to act like business associates.

This dynamic has been present since season one, and sometimes the atmosphere between Crowley and Aziraphale becomes urgent and surreal enough that they almost name it. There's the bandstand, where Crowley suggests they could run away together. There's Aziraphale in 1967 saying, maybe one day we'll dine at the Ritz. These aren't the words of those unsure of another's feelings. These are declarations made in the clearest terms they dare.

The clincher for me is Aziraphale's face when Shax says she wouldn't have thought he was Crowley's type. It's a nasty comment meant to play on Aziraphale's insecurities: "If you're anything to him, it must be something sordid, and I'm surprised you can even offer him that." And she completely misses the mark! Aziraphale disregards her words without a thought. That eyebrow says he knows exactly how Crowley feels about him, and Shax's insinuation is laughable. He is uniquely Crowley's type.

It's less definitive for Crowley, and it makes sense that it would be. For the most part, Crowley is the accelerator and Aziraphale is the brakes. It is hard to hold faith that someone wants you when all they can tell you is "slow down". That doesn't mean he's unsure of Aziraphale's feelings. It means that he's unsure how much he's allowed to say. Aziraphale wants him to push right up until he doesn't, and it hurts them both when they go too far and have to walk it back. Even so, Crowley's confession makes it pretty clear that they're both in on this unspoken thing between them:

"you and me ... group of the two of us ... and we've spent our existence pretending that we aren't"

And then he kisses Aziraphale. And he doesn't do it carefully or tentatively. He doesn't wait for Aziraphale to be ready. Because that's how this dance goes, isn't it? Aziraphale wants him to push, and it's going to hurt and they're going to have to walk it back but fuck it all because Crowley is going to give them the thing they've spent their existence pretending they didn't want.

[newobsessionweekly]

Rays of hope

Main masterlist | The Rookie masterlist

Tim Bradford x wife!reader

Fandom: The Rookie

Summary: Your son is kidnapped and you and your husband, Tim, do everything you can to get him back.

ANGST | Hurt to comfort

Requested: Yes - here

Warnings: Kidnapping, kid being held hostage, description of being shot, injuries, losing consciousness.

A/N: I LOVE WRITING ANGST. I've worked so hard on this one and I absolutely love how it turned out. I won't say anything else, I'll let you enjoy it. I have so many ideas and I seriously make it a full time job writing everything.

Words: 6.1k

GIF not mine, credits to the owner.

As the soft light of dawn filtered through the curtains, the Bradford household stirred with the promise of a new day. The aroma of brewing coffee mingled with the gentle sounds of morning chatter as you and Tim bustled around the kitchen, preparing for the day ahead.

Evan, your bright-eyed three-year-old, bounced around the room with infectious energy, his laughter filling the air. Tim knelt down, scooping his son up into his strong arms, showering him with tickles and kisses.

"Hey there, little man," he chuckled, his voice infused with affection. "What adventures are you up today?"

Evan giggled gleefully, wrapping his tiny arms around his father's neck. His response was a jumble of words, excitement evident despite his struggles with forming coherent sentences. "Catch the bad guys like mommy and daddy!"

Tim chuckled, planting a gentle kiss on Evan's cheek. "That's right, buddy. Just like Mommy and Daddy" he said, his voice gentle as he tousled Evan's hair affectionately. "But first, how about some superhero breakfast?"

Tim's presence seemed to illuminate the room even more. He approached you with a tender smile, his eyes reflecting the depth of his love as he enveloped you in his embrace. His arms wrapped around you securely, a comforting shield against any worries or doubts.

"Morning, baby," his voice, like a soothing melody, whispered into your ear, sending shivers of warmth down your spine. "How are my two favorite girls this morning?"

In that moment, as his hand brushed over your bump with such tender care, you felt an overwhelming rush of love and gratitude for the man standing before you. Tim's gaze lingered on you, his eyes filled with an unspoken promise of unwavering support and devotion.

"We're doing great," you replied, leaning into his embrace, savoring the feeling of being held so close.

Tim pressed a gentle kiss to your temple, his lips lingering there for a moment as if to convey all the love he felt. "You look absolutely radiant," he murmured, his voice filled with awe and admiration. "I swear, every day you glow even more."

As Tim settled Evan into his chair, you couldn't help but admire the sight before you. Tim embodied strength and tenderness in equal measure. Dressed casually, his rugged charm shone through effortlessly. With every movement, his love for you and your son was evident, his hands deftly helped Evan eat breakfast while his eyes sparkled with warmth. Watching him with Evan, you couldn't help but feel a wave of adoration for the man who filled your home with love and security.

"Uh-oh. We have a problem," you announced, your voice tinged with concern as you glanced down at your phone. "Nanny just texted me. She can't make it today."

Tim's brow furrowed slightly as he considered the situation, his mind already working on a solution. "What about your mom?" he suggested. "Can't she babysit Evan today?"

You shook your head regretfully, a sigh escaping your lips. "I don't think so. She's outside LA now," you explained, your thoughts racing to find an alternative. "Maybe your sister?"

At the mention of Genny, Tim's expression darkened slightly, "No, custody battle today," he murmured, his voice tinged with a hint of worry. "We'll figure something out, baby. Don't worry."

As you and Tim exchanged worried glances, Evan piped up from his seat, his innocent voice breaking the tension in the room. "Mommy, Daddy, no worry," he declared, his eyes wide with determination. "Evan help!"

You stepped into the familiar hustle and bustle of the station and Evan's eyes widened in wonder at the sight of officers in their crisp uniforms bustling about their duties. With a gleeful tug on Tim's hand, he eagerly dashed around, taking in every detail with unbridled enthusiasm.

"Daddy, look! Cops!" Evan exclaimed, his words a jumble of excitement as he pointed at the officers. "Lots and lots!"

Tim chuckled softly, his heart swelling with pride at his son's eagerness. "That's right, buddy," he affirmed, his voice warm with affection. "This is where mommy and daddy work, with all their friends."

Your son darted around, his boundless energy matched only by his excitement, he greeted each familiar face with enthusiasm, his words a mixture of gibberish and genuine attempts at conversation.

"Hi, Lulu!" Evan exclaimed, flashing Lucy a toothy grin as he reached up to give her a high-five.

Lucy laughed, her eyes crinkling at the corners with amusement. "Hi there, little buddy! If it isn't our favourite visitor!" she replied, returning the high-five with a gentle pat on the head. "You've grown so much since the last time we saw you!"

Evan beamed at the attention, his chest swelling with pride. "I big boy!" he declared proudly, his words punctuated by a triumphant grin.

Next, Evan turned his attention to Angela, his eyes alight with recognition. "Hi, Auntie Angie!" he chirped, reaching out to tug on her sleeve.

Angela's heart melted at the endearing nickname, her smile softening as she crouched down to Evan's level. "Hey, champ," she said, ruffling his hair affectionately. "He's the spitting image of his mother." she said to Lucy, shooting you a playful wink.

Evan beamed at the praise, his chest puffing out with pride. "I grow big like Daddy!" he declared, his words filled with confidence.

Nyla and Nolan watched the exchange with fond amusement, their own smiles widening as Evan made his rounds. You watched your son with amusement, glad he's terrorising your friends and gave you and your husband a moment to catch your breath.

"Don't forget Nyla and John." Evan eagerly nodded at your words, making his way to Nyla first.

She joined in, her face breaking into a wide smile as she crouched down to Evan's level. "Hey there, buddy! You remember my name?" she extended her hand for a handshake.

Evan shook her hand vigorously, his eyes shining with excitement. "You Nyla! I Evan, I help mommy and daddy catch bad guys!" he announced proudly, his words punctuated by a giggle.

Nolan chuckled, ruffling Evan's hair affectionately. "Looks like you've got quite the little helper there, Tim," he remarked, his eyes twinkling with amusement.

Evan saw the opportunity for more attention and he grabbed Nolan's pants, "John, look!" he exclaimed, pointing at something only he could see.

Nolan chuckled, crouching down to Evan's level. "What am I looking at, buddy?" he asked with a grin.

Evan giggled mischievously, his eyes dancing with mischief. "You funny!" he declared, wrapping his tiny arms around the officer's neck in a spontaneous hug.

Then, in a burst of excitement, Evan's face lit up with a newfound revelation. "I meet baby sister soon!" he announced, his words tumbling out in a rush.

The officers exchanged surprised glances, their expressions shifting from amusement to shock at the unexpected news. "Baby sister?" Angela echoed, her voice tinged with disbelief. "Congratulations!"

Nolan grinned, clapping Tim on the back in hearty congratulations. "Well, Bradford. Looks like you're in for double trouble," he teased, his tone affectionate yet teasing.

Amidst the chorus of well wishes and congratulations, both you and Tim couldn't help but feel a swell of gratitude for the supportive community they had found within the station.

"So, what's the little guy doing here?" Angela inquired, her brow furrowed in concern.

Tim sighed, running a hand through his hair as he explained the morning's events. "Well, nanny bailed on us last minute," he admitted, a hint of frustration creeping into his voice. "We didn't have enough time to find someone else to watch him."

Nyla nodded understandingly, her expression sympathetic. "I can call James," she offered, already reaching for her phone. "He can take Evan with him for the day."

Meanwhile, Lucy's eyes lit up with an idea. "And Tamara's here for a school project," she added eagerly, gesturing towards the young woman across the room. "She can watch Evan in the meantime."

Tim's shoulders visibly relaxed at the offers of help, gratitude flooding his heart. "Thank you, both of you," he said sincerely, his voice filled with relief.

You felt a wave of gratitude wash over you, touched by the kindness and support of your colleagues. Despite the unexpected hiccup in their morning routine, you couldn't help but feel reassured knowing that you had such caring friends to rely on.

As Evan bounced around the room, his excitement palpable, you couldn't help but smile at the sight of your son surrounded by so much love and warmth.

Tamara returned from the restroom and her heart skipped a beat at the sight of the empty break room. Evan's toys lay abandoned on the table, but there was no sign of the energetic three-year-old. She left only for a moment, assigning Smitty to keep an eye on Evan but she couldn't find any of them.

"Evan?" she called out, her voice tinged with concern as she scanned the room frantically. "Where are you?"

Panic began to bubble up inside her as she rushed out into the hallway, calling out for Evan at the top of her lungs. "Evan!" she shouted, her voice echoing off the walls of the station. "Come on, kid! This isn't funny. We didn't agree to play hide and seek!"

Her heart pounded in her chest as she raced through the corridors, her eyes darting from room to room in search of any sign of the missing child. The fear gnawed at her insides, threatening to overwhelm her with its intensity.

"Y/N's gonna kill me," she murmured under her breath, her mind racing with worst-case scenarios. She couldn't bear the thought of facing you and Tim with the news that your son was missing on her watch.

With each passing moment, the weight of responsibility pressed down on her shoulders, driving her to search even more desperately for Evan. She prayed with all her might that he was safe and sound, waiting to be found somewhere within the station.

Tamara's heart raced as she rushed to Angela's desk, her hands trembling with fear. Her eyes widened at the sight of Tamara's panicked expression, immediately sensing that something was terribly wrong.

"What happened?" Angela asked, her voice filled with concern as she reached out to steady Tamara.

"It's Evan," Tamara blurted out, her words tumbling out in a rush. "I don't know what happened. He—uh, he's not in the break room. I can't find him."

Panic surged through Tamara's veins, threatening to overwhelm her as she struggled to catch her breath. She couldn't shake the feeling of dread that gripped her heart, knowing that Evan was missing and she was responsible for his safety.

Angela's eyes widened in alarm as she grasped the gravity of the situation. "Okay, okay, let's stay calm," she reassured, though her own heart raced with fear. "Let's go to talk to Grey."

Together, they hurried to Sergeant Grey's office, their steps quickening with each passing moment. Angela explained the situation to the sergeant, her voice urgent as she described Evan's disappearance. He wasted no time in springing into action, dispatching officers to search the station up and down and the surrounding area for any sign of Evan.

Returning to Angela's desk, they accessed the security cameras from the station, their hands shaking as they scrolled through the footage. With bated breath, they watched as a figure dressed in black approached Evan in the break room, his face obscured from view.

As they watched in horror, the figure took Evan's hand and led him out of the station through the front door, disappearing into the bustling city beyond.

Angela's stomach churned with dread as she exchanged a horrified glance with Tamara. "We have to find him," she said, her voice trembling with urgency.

You and your rookie arrived as backup for Tim and the day seemed like any other—filled with the usual hustle and bustle of police work and the consuming thoughts about your son now more than ever. It wasn't about that you didn't trust Tamara or James, it was more the fact that your son was in a not so familiar place.

When Sergeant Grey's voice cut through the radio, your maternal instincts kicked in, suddenly feeling something was not right.

"7-Adam-19, 7-Adam-100, please return to the station," he commanded, his voice terse and filled with an unspoken sense of dread.

Immediately, you and your husband exchanged a look of concern, your hearts pounding in your chests as you hastily wrapped up the call. Questions swirled in your minds, but you could sense the urgency in Wade's voice, driving you to act without hesitation.

Rushing towards the station, your thoughts were racing with a million terrifying possibilities. The atmosphere was charged with tension, officers scurrying about with grim expressions etched upon their faces. You and Tim shared a look of mutual fear, your hearts pounding in your chests as you braced yourselves for the worst.

"What happened? Where's Evan?" your voice trembled with fear as you approached Sergeant Grey, your eyes searching desperately for any sign of reassurance.

Grey's expression was grave as he met your gaze, his own eyes filled with sorrow and sympathy. "Please sit down," he urged gently.

But Tim couldn't bring himself to comply, his chest tight with anxiety and dread. "Don't do that," he interjected. "Just tell us what happened."

Sergeant Grey sighed heavily, his shoulders slumping under the weight of the news he had to deliver. "Fine," he relented. "Evan's been kidnapped. We're waiting for the security footage of all cameras around the station, but Detective Lopez might have a lead."

The words hit you and Tim like a sledgehammer, leaving you reeling with disbelief and anguish. Your sweet, innocent son had been taken from you, and you both were powerless.

The weight of the situation settles over you like a suffocating blanket, "Thompson" the name escapes your lips in a whisper, heavy with the burden of past encounters with the man.

Memories flood your mind—the chilling threats, the sinister promises of retribution, the menacing glint in his eyes as he swore vengeance upon you and your loved ones.

Tim's expression darkens with a mix of anger and concern, his mind racing as he processes the implications of Thompson's involvement. "I didn't know he got out," he admits, his voice tight with frustration and worry.

Your eyes fill with tears, heart aching with the unbearable fear of the unknown as you grasp your husband's hand tightly. "We gotta find him, Tim. We need to find Evan," you plead, voice trembling with desperation.

Tim's jaw clenches with resolve as he pulls you into a tight embrace, his arms a comforting anchor amidst the storm of emotions raging within you. "We will, baby," he vows, his voice a steady reassurance in the face of uncertainty.

He holds you even tighter, his touch a silent reassurance amidst the chaos that surrounds you. With gentle strokes of his hand along your back, he tries to soothe the trembling of your body, his touch conveying more comfort than words ever could.

A wave of despair washed over you both as you sank into nearby chairs, minds racing with a whirlwind of emotions. In that moment, your world shattered into a million jagged pieces, leaving behind only a gaping void where your son's laughter once filled the air. Both of you were consumed by a sense of helplessness and grief, your hearts heavy with the unbearable weight of uncertainty.

Tim feels your trembling body in his arms, he knows that mere words can never be enough to ease the crushing weight of your fear. With gentle fingers, he brushes away the tears that stain your cheeks, his touch tender and comforting. Each stroke is a promise—a promise that he will do everything in his power to bring your son home safe and sound.

In the depths of his heart, Tim feels a surge of pain and helplessness, knowing that you, his wife, are bearing the weight of your son's disappearance with every fiber of your being. His own worries and fears are pushed aside as he focuses solely on providing comfort and strength to the one he loves most in the world.

Tamara rushes to your side, her usually composed attitude shattered by panic and guilt. Her face is pale, her hands shaking as she struggles to find the words to express her guilt.

"Y/N, Tim... I'm so sorry," she stammers, her voice quivering with emotion. "I was only gone for a minute, I left Smitty with him. I... I don't know what happened. When I got back, he—uh, he was gone. I'm so sorry."

Your heart breaks for Tamara, knowing the weight of guilt she must be carrying on her shoulders. Despite your own anguish, you reach out to embrace her, offering comfort and solace in the midst of the chaos.

"It's not your fault, Tamara," you reassure her, voice filled with compassion and understanding. "It's okay. We'll find him."

The tension in the room reaches a fever pitch, Angela breaks the heavy silence with a sense of urgency in her voice. "Guys, I think I've found something," she announces, her eyes darting between Tim and you.

Tim's heart leaps with hope as he strides over to Angela's desk, you close behind. "Show us," Tim demanded, his voice tight with barely contained emotion.

Angela quickly pulled up several surveillance footage clips on her computer screen, the images grainy but unmistakable. "Look here," she pointed, her finger tracing the path of a rusty van leaving the surroundings of the station.

Tim's jaw tightened with determination as he surveyed the footage, his mind already racing with plans and strategies to track down the van and bring Evan home. "It's worth a shot," he declared.

Your heart swelled with gratitude and relief, eyes shining with tears as you leaned in closer to the screen. "We have to go after it," you insisted, voice trembling with desperation and determination.

Tim nodded in agreement, his resolve unwavering. "Alright. Let's get airship support and all the surveillance footage we can find. We need to know every move that van makes," he commanded, already reaching for his radio to issue the orders.

Before you could finalize the plans, Tim's hand shot out to stop you in your tracks, his expression wrought with concern. "You should stay behind," he insisted, his voice soft but firm, his eyes pleading for you to consider your safety.

Your heart sank at the thought of being left behind, your fear for Evan overwhelming any sense of self-preservation. "Not a chance," you declared, your voice trembling with determination. "I'm coming with you. We need all the help we can get."

Tim's gaze softened as he looked into the your eyes, his heart swelling with love and admiration, "Y/N, please. I need to know you're safe. I need you and the baby girl safe," he confessed.

Your resolve only hardened at Tim's words, determination unyielding in the face of adversity. "And what about our boy? What about Evan? I need to find him," you insisted, voice filled with desperation.

In that moment, Tim knew that there was no arguing with your determination. With a heavy sigh, he relented, his heart heavy with worry but his resolve unshaken. "Alright," he murmured, pulling you into a tight embrace. "But promise me you'll stay close. I can't lose you too."

You nodded, your heart swelling with gratitude for Tim's understanding and support. "I promise," you vowed.

With a sense of urgency driving forward, you quickly arrived at the last location where the van was seen. The air crackled with tension as you surveyed the surroundings, the weight of the mission pressing down on you.

Tim's voice cut through the silence as he commanded the team to split up and patrol on foot, his words echoing with authority. "We need to cover every inch of this area," he instructed. "Lucy, Nolan, take east side. Nyla, Angela, cover west. We'll take north."

You nodded in silent agreement, eyes scanning the area for any sign of movement. With each step you took, your hearts hammered in your chests, minds racing with a thousand terrifying possibilities.

Together, you moved cautiously towards the building, the footsteps echoing in the eerie silence of the abandoned street. Tim's hand brushed against yours, a silent gesture of reassurance as you approached the looming structure.

Around the corner, you caught sight of the van parked haphazardly in the alleyway, its doors hanging open as if inviting you inside. Tim's grip tightened on his radio, the other one squeezing your hand even tighter, as he relayed your location, his voice steady and controlled despite the adrenaline coursing through his veins.

"7-Adam-19, we've located the van. Requesting immediate backup at the north entrance," he spoke into the radio, his words precise and urgent.

With bated breath, you entered the building, hearts pounding in your chests as you navigated through the dimly lit corridors hand in hand. Every creak of the floorboards, every flutter of movement in the shadows, sent shivers down your spines as you pressed forward, determination unwavering in the face of danger.

Your hearts stopped as you took in the sight before you— your precious son, bound and gagged, his eyes wide with fear, and the kidnapper, a sinister glint in his eyes as he held the gun to Evan's head.

Evan's small body trembling in fear as he stared up at both you and Tim with tear-filled eyes. The sight of him, helpless and vulnerable, struck a deep chord within you, igniting a firestorm of emotions that threatened to consume you whole.

The knots that bound Evan's wrists and ankles were tight and unforgiving, cutting into his delicate skin and leaving angry red marks in their wake. The sight of your son restrained like a prisoner sent a wave of nausea crashing over, your stomach churning with a mixture of anger and helplessness.

Tears streamed down your cheeks as you took in the sight of your son, heart breaking with every whimper and cry that escaped his lips. It was a sight you had only imagined in your worst nightmares—a sight that would haunt you both for the rest of your days.

You attempted to approach Evan, heart pounding with desperation and fear as Thompson responded with a chilling gesture, taking off the safety of the gun and pressing it even more firmly against Evan's trembling head. You froze in your tracks as you watched in horror, helpless to do anything but stand by and pray for a miracle.

Tim maintained a facade of indifference and purpose despite the pain and anger that consumed both of you. His face was a mask of determination, his eyes burning with a fierce intensity as he faced down the kidnapper. Inside, however, his heart was a tornado of fear and worry, his mind racing with a million worst-case scenarios.

Your heart felt like it was being crushed in a vice grip, your breath catching in your throat as you struggled against the overwhelming urge to protect your child.

Evan's whimpering pierced through the tense silence, his small voice tinged with confusion and fear as he struggled to understand the gravity of the situation unfolding before him.

Tears streamed down your face as you reached out a trembling hand towards your son, desperate to comfort him, but Tim's firm grip on your arm stopped you in your tracks.

"We can't risk it," Tim whispered urgently as he pulled you back to his side, his eyes never leaving Evan.

Your heart felt like it was being torn apart as you watched Evan's innocent whimpering, your own fear for your son threatening to consume you whole.

"Please," Tim pleaded as he addressed Thompson, his hands held up in a gesture of surrender. "Let him go. We can talk about this. Just let him go."

But Thompson's face twisted with anger and resentment, his grip on the gun tightening as he protested vehemently. "You think I'm just gonna let you walk away after what you did to me?" he spat. "You think I'm just gonna let you go back to your perfect little life while I rot in prison?"

Your heart sank as Thompson's words echoed in your mind, "What do you want?" you asked, your heart breaking at the thought of what Thompson might demand. "I'll give you anything. I'll do anything, just please let him go."

His eyes narrowed with hatred as he glared at you, "I want you to suffer," he snarled, his words like daggers in the silence. "Just like I did."

You and Tim tried to talk Thompson down, your hearts pounded in your chests, every second feeling like an eternity as you desperately sought to keep the kidnapper occupied. With Lucy and Nolan slowly approaching from behind, you prayed that they would be able to disarm him before it was too late.

Nolan positioned himself strategically behind Evan, ready to act as a shield if needed, while Lucy positioned herself behind Thompson, her muscles tensed and prepared for action.

"You're making a mistake," Tim stated firmly, his gaze unwavering as he locked eyes with the kidnapper. "You don't want to do this. Let my son go, and we can figure this out."

Thompson's eyes narrowed, his grip on the gun tightening as he glared at Tim with undisguised hostility. "You think I'm just gonna let you walk away after what you did?" he growled.

Tim's jaw clenched with determination as he met his gaze head-on. "We made a mistake," he admitted, "But that doesn't mean you have to make things worse. Let's talk about this like rational adults."

The kidnapper's expression remained cold and unforgiving, his finger twitching on the trigger as he glared at Tim and you with a mixture of anger and resentment. "You ruined my life," he spat, his voice filled with bitterness. "Now it's time for you to pay."

Tim's heart sank as he watched Thompson's finger inch closer to the trigger, every fiber of his being screaming to protect Evan at all costs. "Listen to me," Tim urged, "This isn't the answer. Let Evan go, and we can work this through."

But Thompson's eyes burned with a fierce determination, his grip on the gun unyielding as he leveled it at Evan's head. "It's too late for that," he snarled, his voice filled with rage. "You took everything from me. Now it's time for you to suffer."

Your heart sank at his words, the weight of his hatred crushing you beneath its suffocating grip. "We're sorry," you whispered, "We didn't know..."

Thompson cut you off with a bitter laugh, his laughter echoing off the walls of the empty room. "You didn't know?" he scoffed, "You didn't know that because of you, my wife and daughter are dead?"

Tears stung your eyes as Thompson's words hit you like a punch to the gut, the guilt weighing heavy on your conscience. "We're sorry," you repeated, "We didn't mean for any of this to happen."

His expression remained cold and unforgiving, his gaze fixed on Evan with a mixture of rage and sorrow. "You think your apologies can bring them back?" he growled, his voice laced with bitterness. "You think your words mean anything to me?"

"Even if you take our son away, it won't bring your wife and daughter back," Tim interjected, his voice steady despite the tension in the air. "Don't make things worse for yourself. If you let him go, we won't say a word. You won't go back to prison."

His words hung heavy in the air, a plea for reason in the midst of chaos.

But Thompson's patience wore thin, his grip on the gun tightening as he grew increasingly agitated. His eyes gleamed with malice as he surveyed the scene before him, a twisted smirk playing on his lips.

"Maybe you're right," he sneered, his voice dripping with venom. "Maybe your little bastard isn't the solution. Your whore of a wife is. And pregnant with your daughter. She's perfect."

The words struck like a dagger to the heart, sending a wave of agony crashing over you. Tim's jaw clenched with barely contained fury, his hands curling into fists at his sides as he struggled to maintain his composure.

When the kidnapper's attention shifted towards you, pointing the gun in your direction with a menacing glare, it created a window of opportunity for Lucy and Nolan to intervene. In that harrowing moment, your heart skipped a beat as the barrel of the gun leveled towards you, but amidst the terror, a glimmer of hope flickered to life.

Lucy lunged forward, her eyes focused solely on disarming the kidnapper before he could harm Evan any further. She reached for the gun, her muscles tensing as she prepared to wrestle it from Thompson's grasp.

But in the chaos of the moment, his finger tightened on the trigger, the deafening sound of gunfire shattering the tense silence like a thunderclap. Your heart stopped as you watched in horror, a rush of adrenaline coursing through your veins as the bullet struck its mark. Pain erupted through your body, but in the heat of the moment, the adrenaline dulled the sensation, allowing you to push through.

Every second felt like an eternity as you and Tim rushed to your son's side, the adrenaline coursing through your veins driving you forward. With trembling hands, you helped Nolan loosen the knots, your fingers fumbling in your haste to free Evan from his restraints.

As the last knot came undone, Evan let out a whimper, his tear-streaked face turning towards you and Tim with a look of desperation.

"Mommy!" he cried, his voice trembling.

Your heart shattered into a million pieces at the sound of Evan's voice, tears streaming down your face as you gathered him into your arms. "I'm here, baby," you murmured, your voice shaking with emotion. "Mommy and daddy are here. You're safe now."

Lucy pressed on, pinning the kidnapper to the ground and she swiftly secured him in handcuffs, effectively neutralizing the threat he posed.

Tim knelt down beside you and Evan, his movements were a blur of frantic yet tender gestures. With trembling hands, he pulled you both into his embrace, holding you close as if his mere touch could ward off the looming threat.

"I've got you," he whispered, his voice trembling with emotion as he pressed kisses to your foreheads. "I've got both of you. Everything's going to be okay." His words were a fervent mantra, repeated like a prayer as he desperately tried to reassure himself as much as you and Evan.

You found solace in Tim's embrace, the steady rhythm of his heartbeat a soothing lullaby against your ear. Despite the pain coursing through your body, his presence offered a sense of calm amidst the storm, grounding you in the midst of chaos. With each tender touch and whispered word,exhaustion began to overtake you, the weight of the ordeal bearing down on your weary body, sleep beckoned like a siren's call.

Your eyelids grew heavy with weariness, the pain fading into the background as you surrendered to the embrace of sleep, trusting Tim to keep you safe.

Tim's heart clenched with fear as he felt you grow limp in his arms, panic surging through him like a tidal wave. "No, no, stay with me," he pleaded, his voice thick with emotion. "Don't you dare leave me, Y/N."

But despite his desperate pleas, unconsciousness claimed you, your body going slack against him. Evan's worried voice pierced through the fog of Tim's panic, the little boy shaking your hand with his tiny fingers. "Mommy?" he called out.

Tim's heart shattered at the sight of you lying unconscious on the ground, your face pale and peaceful in sleep. With trembling hands, he scooped Evan into his arms, shielding him from the sight of his mother's still form.

"It's okay, buddy. Mommy's just resting, that's all." Tim whispered, his voice thick with emotion as he held Evan close. But inside, Tim's heart was gripped by fear, his mind racing with worry for you and your unborn baby.

Tim's shouts for help pierced through the chaos, his voice trembled with desperation, tears streaming down his cheeks unchecked as he held Evan tightly in his arms. Each cry for assistance was a desperate plea, a fervent prayer for the help that he so desperately needed.

As the paramedics rushed to your side, Tim watched in horror as they whisked you away on a stretcher. Fear gnawed at his insides, a cold dread settling over him like a suffocating blanket, his chest tightened with every step they took, each moment stretching out into an eternity of agonizing uncertainty.

Angela rushed at Tim's side, and with trembling hands, he handed over Evan into her care, his voice shaking with emotion as he tried to reassure his son in the midst of his own storm.

"It's okay, champ," Tim murmured, his voice choked with tears. "Go with Aunt Angela. Daddy's going with mommy to make sure she's okay." Despite the weight of his own fears bearing down on him, Tim forced a small smile for Evan's sake.

Tim sat at your bedside, his fingers gently tracing patterns on the back of your hand as he watched over you. Evan was nestled against his chest, his soft snores filling the room with a comforting rhythm.

"How are you holding up, Tim?" Lucy asked, placing a reassuring hand on Tim's shoulders.

"Hanging in there." he whispered, caressing his son's hair like it was an anchor that kept his sanity at peace.

They took turns checking on you, their concern palpable in the air as Tim greeted them with a weary but grateful smile. With each visit, Tim's heart warmed by the unwavering support of his fellow officers and friends.

"Thanks for being here," he offered, his voice tinged with exhaustion but filled with appreciation. "It means a lot."

Angela's gaze softened as she placed a reassuring hand on Tim's shoulder. "We're here for you, Tim," she reassured him. "Whatever you need, just say the word."

As you began to stir, Tim's heart skipped a beat, his gaze never wavering from your face as you slowly blinked awake. "Hey there," he whispered softly, a tender smile gracing his lips as he brushed a stray lock of hair from your forehead. "How are you feeling?"

You returned his smile weakly, your voice barely above a whisper as you replied, "Better, now that you're here." The weight of the past few hours pressed heavily upon you, but the sight of Tim's presence beside you brought a sense of calm that you desperately needed.

Tim's heart swelled with relief at the sound of your voice, his fingers intertwining with yours as he leaned in to press another gentle kiss to your forehead. "I'm never leaving your side again," he vowed, his voice filled with conviction as he gazed into your eyes.

Evan stirred against Tim's chest, his sleepy voice calling out for you. "Mommy" he mumbled, his little arms reaching out in search of you.

Tim's heart melted at the sight of his son, his love for both you and Evan swelling within him like a tidal wave. "Shh, buddy," he whispered, his voice soft and soothing as he gently lifted Evan into his arms. "Mommy's right here."

Evan's sleepy eyes widened with delight as he caught sight of you, his face lighting up with joy. With a sleepy grin, he reached out towards you, his tiny fingers curling around your hand as Tim helped him to gently crawl onto the bed beside you.

You couldn't help but smile at the sight of your son, his presence bringing a sense of warmth and comfort that washed over you like a gentle wave. With Tim's steady hand guiding him, Evan nestled against your side, his sleepy gaze meeting yours with an expression of pure adoration.

"Love you, Mommy," Evan murmured, his voice filled with sleepy affection as he snuggled closer to you.

"I love you more, sweetheart," you whispered in reply as you pressed a tender kiss to Evan's forehead.

Tim's eyes glistened as he looked down at the two of you. With a tender smile, he leaned in to press a kiss to both your foreheads, his touch a silent affirmation of his love for you both.

"I love you both," Tim whispered, his voice thick with emotion as he held you and Evan close, "More than anything in this world."

[belit0]

Hello!♡

So this is my first request ever on tumblr, so I hope this makes sense and is coherent! But I really love your writing so much and am happy to have discovered you today!<33

But to my request, could I maybe ask for a Yandere Itachi and Shisui with a fem!Reader? Like, both of them having an extremely obsessive crush on her at the same time, type of deal. Whether they get along during this or not is up to you, including if you want it to be nsfw or not. I just really want to see more Yandere content of the two together and your writing style is just perfect for it.

I hope this is alright and makes sense to you!<3

-bunni Anon

Hi!!!!! I'm so honored to be your first request!! Welcome to this beautiful hell hole, where it's impossible to escape 🤠

I hope you get a positive experience out of this one, and feel motivated to leave more requests in the future!💕🤗💫

Sooo, with no further a do, here's your piece!

TW: kidnapping, Yandere!Shisui Yandere!Itachi, alcohol Pairing: Uchiha Shisui / Reader - Uchiha Itachi / Reader

"There's no way she'll choose you, you know."

"Why would you say that?"

"Just look at you, Itachi. You're not competing against an ordinary ninja, you're up against the Uchiha prodigy personified. Do you really think she would choose you over me? Come on!"

"There comes great pride in your words, but little clarity in your movements. I have not seen you make a single gesture to get her to notice you, other than grinning like an idiot when she walks past you. Sit back and relax, she'll be mine soon enough."

"We'll see."

Thus began the personal challenge between the two men, deciding to fight over who would conquer (Y/N) first.

Knowing both men's personalities and determination, it would not be a fair battle, both greedy to be the winner and finally claim the woman they desired so much.

Their challenge began quietly, with small gestures that seemed casual and spontaneous. Itachi chose to study (Y/N)'s schedule thoroughly, knowing exactly where and when she would be, what streets she would take to get to and from her usual destinations, what hours she would use as free time to relax and meet up with friends.

He would show up feigning surprise, crossing paths with her by chance as if their paths met by fate, and not by his obsession. Still, he never had the courage to invite her to do anything on the spot or later. He would always see her, greet her, and continue on his way, blithely believing he would remain in her mind all day.

Meanwhile, Shisui would take a more aggressive approach. He became involved in all of her personal activities, both work and hobbies, infiltrating all of her environments without leaving her space. Whatever activity she had, he would be there, trying to do it alongside or be part of her team. At the end of each day, he would ask her out for a drink, or a snack, or go home for a chat, only to be turned down time and time again.

"How's progress, Tachi?"

"Slow. Yours?"

"Getting somewhere, we could say..."

"We know that's a lie. You still have time to give up, you know?"

"Over my dead body, dude. We both know I'll be the winner."

"As you say. Just sip."

The two would get together to drink and chat about their challenge, for regardless of the ferocity with which they lusted after (Y/N), an unbreakable bond continued to exist between them.

What Shisui never noticed, in his relaxation towards his best friend, was that the other wasn't ingesting his drink at all. Every time they emptied a new glass, Itachi would throw its contents over his shoulder, pretending to drink at the same pace as him.

Quickly, Shisui found himself inebriated, while Itachi continued to be in a perfect state.

That same night, after countless bottles and gulps of sake, Shisui made up his mind. He would go to (Y/N)'s door, confess his love, win the damn challenge, and keep the wonderful prize. Never mind his blurred vision and confused thoughts, he knew she was as much in love with him as he was with her, it was mutual. (Y/N) was just having trouble acknowledging her feelings.

He didn't even bother knocking on the door, entering the living room with unsteady steps and staggering in all directions. His breath reeked of alcohol, but he could only think of her.

"(Y/N)! I'm home love! Come and greet me properly!" He exclaimed almost losing his balance, using the table for support and kicking furniture in his advance.

"Shisui...? But what are you doing here? Are you drunk? Do you need help? Let me call..."

"Nonono! All I need is you... your gaze, your kisses, your words saying you love me... yes, the only thing I need right now..." He came dangerously close to her, trapping her between the wall and his arms, with no room for escape.

"I think you are unaccountably confused Shisui, I would never..."

"Shhh, there is nothing to explain. I know your feelings, I know you want this as much as I do..."

He attempted to kiss her, finding his lips against the cold wall when (Y/N) took advantage of his lack of coordination to slip out from under his arms. She ran quickly to the door, knowing she had to be clever. Shisui's reputation was world-renowned for his speed, accuracy, and persistence. If she failed to act quickly, she would be caught again.

She had the advantage of him being highly intoxicated, having more alcohol than blood in his body at this point. That would be her strategy, hoping his momentary lack of senses would give her enough room to get to safety.

In her frenzy, she was unable to slow down before colliding with an object and falling to the ground. As concentration returned, she noticed the object had arms and legs, a long ponytail, and onyx eyes staring at her sharply.

"I-Itachi! Thank heavens you're here! I need your help at this very moment! It's Shisui, he..."

"Hold on a moment (Y/N), relax, breathe, walk me through what happened."

With his strategy executed to perfection, Itachi took it upon himself to fill his partner with alchol, intoxicating him to the point of not recognizing his impulses and completely messing up his situation with (Y/N). He waited patiently, hiding in the shadows of the alleys where he knew she would run in an attempt to escape from him.

Shisui might be one of the most respected and feared shinobi, setting a new precedent among young ninjas, but he never knew how to tolerate alcohol. Something Itachi managed to take advantage of to perfection.

His plan was working out wonderfully, and now all that was left was to execute the last part, (Y/N) she anxiously explained the situation, between tears and sobs, believing Shisui to be her friend and feeling betrayed. He held her during the entirety of her monologue, listening attentively and pretending indignation at his best friend's terrible attitude.

"Come on (Y/N), I'll take you to my house. You'll be safe there, no one will be able to do anything to you."

"I appreciate it very much Itachi, I really do, but I think the right thing to do would be to go to the police, explain what happened.... A ninja of that caliber can't be running around loose and intoxicated, who knows what he could do to whoever crosses his path!"

"I insist, (Y/N). we'll go to my place, you'll relax, and then we'll figure out what to do."

Itachi's grip became tighter on her, feeling frustrated at having to deal with an unplanned inconvenience. She just had to agree, say yes, go home and close the pact. Why couldn't she act as she should?!

"Itachi, I need you to let me go..."

"I'm not asking you, I'm stating it. Come on."

"Itachi! Let go of me now!"

They both started to struggle, the ninja trying not to hurt her at any point. (Y/N) managed to get free, and that was the moment when everything got out of control. While running in the opposite direction, Itachi appeared in front of her, shining his terrifying red eyes and making her fall into a terrible illusion.

Prey to his Genjutsu, she could not move anymore. The shinobi advanced, lifting her over his shoulder and hiding again in the shadows of the night, trying not to be seen or detected by anyone.

He did not take her to his home, being a location too obvious and dangerous, with his family around and aware of him. He opted for a remote place in the forest, a small and abandoned cabin, where he kept her since their arrival.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Itachi, I can't understand the rush of showing me a stupid spot in the forest when we have more important things to do. (Y/N) has been missing for two weeks, and you're still messing around here like nothing happened!"

"Take a look, and stop talking nonsense."

Both ninjas entered the abandoned place, where in the center, lying on a destroyed mattress, was (Y/N), still under Itachi's powerful genjutsu.

"Fuck, Itachi! It was you… I should have seen it coming, with you always scheming big things and whatever… I see... so you want me to admit you won the bet and have her all to yourself? Are you even feeding her? Taking care of her mind? Looking after her or anything?"

"Every day. On the contrary, it seemed selfish not to share such a beautiful trophy with my best friend."

"Always knew I could trust you forever Tachi. All right then, let's have fun."

[softie-rain]

gay asks?? i got you fam. I'll do one sfw and one nsfw :]

male!reader/snowjanus. arguing over who gets to sleep in the middle/cuddling positions.

or maybe coryo walking in on reader and sej having some fun and getting totally fucking jealous. which then proceeds to the two of them topping the shit out of him and making him eat his words cuz we all know he's bratty at first

pairing: snowjanus x male!reader

note: YAYYAYAYAYAYAAYAYAYAY my dream relationship. I had more inspo for the nswf one so I kinda decided to merge the two ideas! Also this turned out in Sejanus topping you both oops he can top me in any day

also thanks for requesting it, I actually turned out to be pretty proud of it and had so much fun writing it despite my disclaimer of the fic possibly being bad lol

tw: nsfw content under the tag! Specifically: blowjobs - anal sex - fingering - hand-job (none of it it's extremely specific but they are described!)

Your relationship with Coriolanus and Sejanus started a month ago. They were already dating before you joined in their relationship and, while they never failed to please you and make you feel accepted, you still felt like the odd one out. They knew each other better, and had spent more time together.

You ranted to Sejanus about it one evening, Coriolanus hadn't come home yet. He was listening to you talk, clearly paying attention to your words. You loved that about Sej, that he always cared about you and your feelings, never making you feel ashamed. You thought he was going to reassure you, give you some advice.

You definitely didn't expect to end up both naked on your shared bed, Sejanus on top of you, as he lazily gave you head while whispering praises, sending vibrations to your cock.

"Fuck." You breathed out as you came, while Sejanus kept his hands on your hips keeping you still.

"You're so loved baby." He mumbled, his mouth leaving your dick to attack your lips and neck. "Just 'cause we've been together for less, doesn't mean we don't care about you, uhm?"

"Uh-uh." You nodded, unable to form coherent words. Sejanus kept kissing your neck, his hand on your chest as he played with your nipples.

"Such a good boy for me." He said, his hand slowly moving behind your back and teasing your entrance. "Think you can give me another one?"

You closed your eyes and nodded again, so fast the room started spinning. Sejanus grinned and entered you with one finger, slowly starting to stretch you. "You're so important, sweetheart. Never doubt that." He said, kissing you deeply as he added another finger.

You let out a loud moan, when you heard someone enter the bedroom. "What the fuck?" Coriolanus said. Sejanus abruptly stopped his movement and pulled out his fingers, making you groan, turning around to face Coryo.

"What? We're not cheating. There's three of us in this relationship, you know." Sejanus said, shrugging.

Coriolanus blushed. "I mean, yeah. That's not the problem-" Sejanus chuckled, interrupting him.

"I think someone else feels left out, baby." He turned to face you, grinning. You mimicked his expression, and Coriolanus' blush became even more evident.

"What? No!"

"Didn't know you were the jealous type, Coryo." You said, joining in teasing him.

The blonde scoffed, rolling his eyes. "I'm not jealous."

Sejanus moved and layed down next to you, facing Coriolanus again. "Oh, I think you are."

"Am not."

Sejanus shrugged. "Okay then. You go ahead and make dinner, we'll just finish here." He gently turned your face and brought you in for a slow kiss, his tongue forcing its way past your lips. His hands were on your cheeks as he let out loud - rather obscene - moans. He knew how to tease someone, that was sure.

You didn't need to watch Coriolanus to know he was fuming and, in the corner of your eyes, you could see he was definitely - painfully - hard. "Fuck this shit." He mumbled, flopping on the bed and yanking you away from Sejanus, replacing the other's lips on yours with his instead.

You moaned at the sudden action but before he could do anything else Sejanus stopped him, putting a hand on his chest and gently pushing him away. He tutted. "You get nothing, Coryo, until you admit you're jealous."

"This is bullshit." Coriolanus protested.

Sejanus grabbed him from his shirt-collar, flipping him around so that he was laying on top of him. He kissed him and loosened his belt, using it to tie Coriolanus' hands over his head.

Sejanus broke the kiss, and Coriolanus twisted his wrists. "Has been a while since you've tied me up." He commented, and Sejanus smirked.

"Sit up." Coriolanus, though struggling a bit, did as told. "Now watch."

Sejanus went to his knees at the edge of the bed, motioning for you to do the same. Now that you were standing at the same height he started kissing you, biting down your lower lip. You moaned and parted your lips, allowing his tongue for entrance.

Sejanus kept making the same noises he was making before and, understanding what he was trying to do, you imitated him. You felt his hand running down your side and reaching your dick, sighing in the kiss as he started stroking you at a slow pace.

You heard Coriolanus groan and tried to look at him, but Sejanus' free hand moved to your jaw stopping you from moving. "Sejanus, please..." Coriolanus breathed out. You could feel the bed squeaking beneath you, you assumed it was Coryo bucking his hips up into nothing.

"Admit you were jealous," Sejanus panted, fastening the pace of his strokes, "And we'll let you join." He promised, swallowing your moans in another kiss.

Coriolanus bit his lip and shook his head. Sejanus chuckled and kissed down your neck. "Hm, what do you think, should I let him go?" He asked you.

You sighed, "I don't think a liar should deserve to cum." You murmured, and for a second Sejanus' eyes widened in surprise.

"Well, you heard him Coryo. No truth, no release." You started fucking yourself into Sejanus' hand, chasing your own release.

You came shortly after, Sejanus kept stroking you through your orgasm, holding you and whispering praises in your ear. "So good for me. Let it all go baby, I got you."

Coriolanus bit back a moan. “Fuck, fine, yes I was jealous, please.” He was muttering nonsense, finally confessing his feelings.

But Sejanus ignored him, keeping his focus on you instead. “Do you want help with that?” You asked, referring to his boner. Sejanus leaned his forehead against yours.

“Don't worry. Coryo will help me.” He said, turning his attention to Coriolanus.

Coriolanus nodded quickly, “Yes, yes. Please let me touch you.” He begged. You and Sejanus both chuckled at his eagerness.

“Who ever said anything about touching me?”

And so a few minutes later you found yourself under Coriolanus, stroking his cock while he was on on four, as Sejanus fucked him from behind.

He kept kissing you, using your mouth to quiet down his moans, but Sejanus tightened his grip on his waist as a warning. “No. I want to hear you, Coryo. Don't hold back.”

You fastened your pace and he moved his head, hiding his face in the crook of your neck. “I'm so close, you can take me inside, can't you? Of course you can, you've been so good for me- you both have.” Sejanus, praising the both of you.

Coriolanus came right after Sejanus, releasing all over your stomach as Sej’s cum dripped out of his hole.

He pulled out, making the blonde groan, and laid down next to you, while Coriolanus took his spot on the other side- ending with you in between the two of them.

You stood there in silence for a few seconds, the only sounds that could be heard were your light panting, when Coriolanus spoke. “Why are you always in the middle?”

Sejanus turned around. “Are you serious?”

“Well excuse me if, for once, I'd like to be cuddled as well.”

You chuckled, “You're such a needy baby.”

Coriolanus rolled his eyes. You moved one arm around his shoulders, holding him close to you, as you softly played with his curls. He hummed pleased, leaning his head on your bare chest.

“Well now I feel neglected.” Sejanus commented, shifting closer to you and resting his head on your shoulder. With your free hand you held Sej next to you, while he intertwined his hand with Coriolanus’.

“If we fall asleep like this, your arms will be sore tomorrow.” Coriolanus pointed out.

You snorted. “That's a future me problem. And hey, at least I'll be able to walk.” You winked at him, who started blushing.

“My bad.” Sejanus said, making the three of you laugh.

Now you were sure you definitely weren't the odd one out.

[prentissluvr]

i dont have all of my sam thots and dean thoughts just yet but I had to send in this bc I completely forgot about meg! sam

and its a damn shame that we didn't see more of that bc it solidified my stance on being a sam girlie

we got at least 3 episodes of demon dean (i have not seen him yet i've only heard about it) but we got like less than half an hour with meg! sam and honestly we deserved more with him

meg! sam made me feel lots of things LOLL

(i wanted to be jo SO BAD in that episode LMAO)

now i need your thots on him please :p

KJDFSJL NO BECAUSE... NOOO I CANT thinking about the amount of meg!sam edits i've seen in the past few days. thinking about the one saved in my camera roll. thinking about throwing up pissing my pants projectile vomiting and passing the fuck out. i reiterate tho, i'm normal!! i'm so so so normal and i don't feel things about it!!!!!!!

i'm honestly still like borderline unsure about how nsfw i want to get on this blog, but uhhh i'm just gonna start typing and see where my dirty fucking mind takes me!

cw : highly suggestive!! no smut, but still absolutely no minors!! MDNI!! contains condescending/mean/possessed sam, but also sweet sam too <33. use of gendered terms, but it is gender inclusive to fem, masc, and gn as much as i could make it! horrible writing it's genuinely just me going feral :))

sooo basically for me the worst (best) part of meg!sam was his voice! it's so bad (never have i ever heard anything hotter in my life). IDK I DONT EVEN THINK I CAN FORM A COHERENT THOUGHT OVER THIS NOT GONNA LIE. uhm uhhh ummmm uhhhh uhmmmm.

so basically so basically, essentially, wwowowowowowowowifjhshf alright lets focus on one thing at a time.

we'll start with that goddamn voice of his. the way it goes from teasing, condescending to deeper, more gravelly and matter-of-fact and then back to condescending LIKE WHOO IM GONNA NEED TO TAKE A LAP. idk just thinking about his large hand on the back of your head, maybe tangled in your hair if the way you wear it allows for that, and his veiny forearm visible through your peripheral vision as he says "open up.. that's a girl" like he did to jo😭😭😭 (or he's says "thaaat's it" to keep things gender neutral, dragging out the "that's" for an extra second, that extra gravel in his condescending tone).

and while this is in possessed!sam context, he'd definitely say things like that normally, i do personally envision him to be less condescending and more sincere. either way, hot as fuck if you ask me. also this isn't meg!sam, but in season seven he says "good girl" and i do listen to that clip several times a day, i am so serious when i say that and i have no shame about it!! i have daddy issues so i do not care!!! so yeah he also says good girl/boy/whatever variation you enjoy best <3 uhmmm yeah but the main point is his hot as fuck voice, right next to your ear with his breath tickling you sensitive skin. especially with that whisper. oh god the whisper😭 and along with "that's a girl," there's atta girl and he'd use that one too so i'll go die in a hole :))) but yeah he genuinely thinks you're so good for him so expect that praise, whether you want it sweet or mean.

then we also have his facial expressions!! the smirk he uses to rile you up or that he flashes you, all mean and haughty because he knows he's getting to you. the fake pity too!! lord help me, once again the utterly fake pity just falls under that condescending persona that was so hot about meg!sam. i'm just gonna use photo evidence and you can imagine him looking at you like that!! enjoy!

last thing i have to say about meg!sam is manhandling!! ahahaahahahaahahah i'm normal and okay!! (this is a cry for help i need him so bad). um yeah while i hate the context of the manhandling of jo in the episode because it's crossing so many boundaries, i will still enjoy the fact that he is hot. so yeah! have fun thinking about sam whirling you around and pinning you between his chest and nearest surface, hand on your forehead to tilt your chin up and give him full access to the skin of your neck. his other hand is pinning your wrist to whatever surface is behind you, and your own free hand is tangled in his hair and he lays wet, desperate kisses all over your neck and collarbone. that's all hahahahaha :)))) feeling so sane right now!!

[lithreeum]

WHATS UP FUCKERS I'M HERE TO SHARE WITH YOU MY LATEST CAFFEINE FUELED BRAINCHILD:

THE PROJECT MOON AU WHERE NOTHING BAD EVER HAPPENS EVER (and also some of them are college students (and none of this is well thought out at all please help me))™

You know how Fate has that one cooking spinoff where nobody kills anybody and they just hang around and have dinner?

This is that. For PM fans. Roland is canonically a good cook and a foodie. It could happen. PM please make it happen I just want my goobers to be happy and untraumatized.

Anyways, with that rambling done, let me ramble about these four fuckers and what they're up to.

So, the setting's a fancy college where rich people go to. Angelica is there on academic scholarship; Argalia has a music scholarship; Roland's there because his adopted mom Iori is a lecturer there so the tuition's cheaper; Angela's there because Ayin and Benjamin are fuck you rich and spoils her to high heavens.

Argalia's and Angela are both music majors, Angelica's in engineering, and Roland's in culinary. Roland and Angelica are 2nd years, Argalia and Angela are 3rd years.

Roland's known Angela since forever ago because they were in the same orphanage. Argalia and Angelica are siblings. Here's baby roland on adoption day I drew while writing this because I have no self control.

Where was I? Oh right. So, Roland gets adopted by Iori; Angela gets adopted by Ayin and Benji. Angela calls Ayin Dad and Benjamin Gramps because he has grey hair, the two got to some hijinks in their high school years, they remained friends to present day.

Back to the main four. So, first year, Angelica and Roland meet on campus one day on some meet cute shit. Then it turns out Iori is Angelica's Host family while she's studying here. Romcom shenanigans happen, Argalia's the overprotective brother, Angela's the resident wingman/shipmaker/popcorn eater/"just kiss already" yeller, Roland cooks/awkwardly flirts, Angelica gifts Roland a knife she made for his adoption day, it's great. Eventually A Fritter Called Jeon happens and they start dating and more romcom ensues.

That is everything my stupid little monkey brain can semi-coherently conjure up since the rest are just incoherent snippets of tangentially related information and cute funny things these goobers can get up to. Among which include:

The Asiyah and Briah Sephira are Angela's circle of friends that met in high school, they all go into their respective fields from LoR. Geb does sports. Maybe Yesod and Angelica know each other from engineering competitions or something.

Binah's a CIA agent that knows way too many people, because of course she does.

Yan and Gloria are taking Theology studies, Esther and Hubert are post-grads/professor assistants, they become friends somewhat, Moirai's a professor there.

Blue Reverbs are all music majors that hang out with Argalia and Angela, they take bets on which one snaps and kills the other first. Oswald bets on hate sex. Tanya bets that the two of them would kill someone together.

Charles' Office are Roland's group of friends back from back in High School, Olivier went on to become a civil servant, I do not know what the fuck the rest are up to, we'll see when they show up in Limbus.

Speaking of Limbus, the Limbus gang are all in...I don't know what you english speaking fuckers call "school clubs but in college", I know a word exists for it, but I'm blanking. They're all in one of those. Rodya started it and roped them all in. Vergilius and Dante are their advisors. They go around and survey the socioeconomic state of the country in various locales and write reports about it (read: Rodya found a way to get them all free vacation and they all took it)

Angelica' physically very strong, she does martial arts, and she gets Roland into martial arts, but whenever they "spar" they just end up a blushing pile of goo that's too embarrassed to grapple their crush. They have good fun though.

Argalia keeps trying to split Angelica and Roland apart but he doesn't actually try since he's seen how happy she gets when she talks about him.

[blu3haw4]

Sneak Peek

I've been saying for this Clexaweek, I'll try to write for last year themes as I make my way updating my WIP's.

I have a headache that's killing me, so instead of posting the full chapter for today's update, i'll give you a sneak peek of what I have so far, this is probably like... less than half of the entire chapter I have planned out and I'm keeping the plot point to myself 😌

So here it is, For day three: Fake dating

Guess we'll have to work it out (Arranged Marrige from Clexaweek 2022)

Here's a little summary:

Clarke and Lexa live in a relatively small town and are forced to get married after Clarke's mother caught them hooking up. The problem? It was a one-night stand and they know nothing about each other.

And here you go, happy Clexaweek everyone, this one is spicy 😈

"Are you insane?!"

"I will be good for you, honey. Don't act like it's the first time I've picked your date for these events"

"Mom! Don't you realized how different this is?! Are you aware that the shit you pulled is some next level stalkery?!" Clarke exasperated into the phone, she had gone out to grab lunch and as usual called her mom for their weekly updates.

She was still trying to process the events of Saturday morning and her mother not having an ounce of touch when it came to social manners. Clarke had decided, though still shaken, to let it go and move one, that was until Abby brought up the gala and her recently arranged date. And all the trouble she went through to make it happen.

"Oh don't be dramatic. I've known Agustus for years, this is no difference to the Desai"

'Gustus' Clarke corrected in her head, because of course she remember such a stupid detail "I had never met Ryker before!" she hissed, because she knew how to pick her battles "I never hooked up with him before!"

Her mom tasked on her phone and Clarke almost snapped "Look, darling, I have a surgery soon, okay? I have Lexa's number and I think you should call her, you know is not as simple as showing up, so maybe arrange a date to get your stories straight" Clarke couldn't believe her mother, she was just handing out instructions as though it was a gift, something for her to be thankful of, for having such a thoughtful mother.

It shouldn't surprise her anymore, but it felt like each time Clarke thought Abby had reach a limit of craziness she just went and outdid herself, as thought it was her mission to prove to Clarke she could be worse and then act as thought every other parent -or person- acted the same.

Clarke took a couple of deep breath trying to come up with a coherent thought that wasn't finding a way to put her mother in a mental hospital and keep her there until she died. At her lack of response Abby spoke again "Sweetie you know the drill, this galas are just to help you showcase your name with a pretty and successful young adult in your arm. This people have expectations of what success looks like and you know showing up with your friends isn't it"

And of course it was true, most of the millionaires and billionaires that showed up at hospital gala's went there under the disguise of wanting to help, to share their grant of salt for the sake of medicine and people's well being. In reality they were there to inflate their egos even more, to have successful people of all ages kiss their asses to convince them to help their cause. They're expectations were for those people to have their lives figured out, to have a life plan that they could prize themself in supporting with donations, being single didn't fit their parameters.

So of course it was Clarke's braking point; in her own way, her mother was just trying to show her how much she cared. Her entire life she had gone above and beyond to support her; her passions and dreams, she paid for all her education only asking for her happiness in return. Even if often she pulled up crazy things like inviting her one-night-stand to a very elite event, or calling her ex boyfriends to ask why they had dumped her, she always had the best of intentions.

With a sigh, Clarke agreed "Okay. Can you text me her number? I'll call her soon and I'll coach her for Sunday"

∞·∞·∞

"Fuck! Don't stop!"

And for the third time in the past two hours Clarke thanked her past self for agreeing to her mother's crazy idea. Feeling Lexa's walls shudder around three of her fingers, hearing her breath fasten by the minute as her moan grew louder and louder, more desperate each thrust of Clarke hips.

Lexa was face down on the bed, her leg parted so wide that her hips were barely lifted from the bed, Clarke had a hand trapped between their bodies, her hips helping her trust deep into Lexa's cunt, as her other hand had come around Lexa's abdomen to tease her clit. Clarke was fully leaning over Lexa's back, nibbling and licking at her shoulders and neck, occasionally sharing a desperate messy kiss before Lexa's moans interrupted them. Lexa had a hand on Clarke's wrist keeping her hand from wandering away from her clit, and her other arm was stretch towards the headboard where she occasionally held from.

A call on Tuesday afternoon -because she needed a whole day to prepare- lead to a coffee date on Thursday. They rode off the indicial awkwardness and got down to business -no pun intended- Clarke explained to Lexa as best she could all the things they should prepare for and they planned out some fact about a fake relationship should people potentially ask them.

One flirty joke about their hypothetical sex life turned into a round of back and forth about their night together and before they knew it they were making out in the elevator up to Lexa's apartment. Neither cared that it was a weeknight when Clarke unbuttoned her shirt and Lexa helped her out of her bra, they couldn’t be bother about noise complaints when Clarke got down on her knees after backing Lexa to the nearest wall and devoured her as though it was her last meal.

Lexa didn't let her catch her breath before she had her pinned to the couch getting fingered down with a vigor that had Clarke wishing she hadn't left her strap on at her ex-girlfriends' place, never to be seen again. They made it to Lexa's room by common agreement that they needed more space and now here they were, making Clarke wish she still had the strap on for a different reason.

"Clarke! FUCK!"

All she could do was smirk into her shoulder and continue her rhythm, she knew Lexa wanted - needed- more; faster, harder, anything, but she wanted to stretch the moment, Lexa felt too good around her finger, under her, she was so vocal and loud and Clarke loved it. She also wanted to see how long it would take for Lexa to beg, or if she would refuse to. In the end it was Clarke the one who gave up, not realized how much she craved to hear and feel Lexa come for her, she quicken the pace of her fingers over Lexa's clit as she thrust harder into her, grunting into Lexa's back.

"Cla-rke!" the guttural moan with which Lexa came was everything Clarke wished for and she couldn't help but smile a genuine smile into Lexa's shoulder. Clarke kissed the ink on her spine as she helped her ride down her orgasm; she moved her hand grabbing Lexa's in the way, and made sure to pull out slowly, only after Lexa's breathing was back to normal -or close enough- holding her close, Clarke turned them so she was laying behind Lexa and spooning her.

Lexa sighed, eyes closed, her fingers intertwined with Clarke's, one pair of hands around her middle and the other up against her shoulder, her head resting over Clarke's bicep, her nose hiding in the underside of Clarke's flexed elbow. She felt safe, if was a feeling that should unsettle her given she had met Clarke less than a week ago and this was the second time they were seen each other. She embraced it instead, for once in her life letting her guard down.

[nhasablogg]

Icarian (allow the ground to find its brutal way to me)

Fandom: Stranger Things

Summary: Steve is running through the forest. He can feel his hunter closing in.

A/N: Thiiiiiis is some sort of attempt at writing something... Halloweeny? Spooky? Suspenseful? Idk. I was thinking I would try to write some Halloween esque fics throughout the month, but we'll see if I'll write more than this heh. Hope you like it!

Words: 1.3k

Steve was doing his best to not trip over tree roots that had infested the ground of the forest. Seriously, he couldn’t remember it ever being this bad. Only when he was running, which he currently was, when the roots were death traps more than nuisances. Of course that was when they decided to appear. Just his luck.

Heart in his throat, Steve jumped over a fallen tree branch, wondering if the forest was out to get him as much as his hunter was. It was strange that it was just during moments of complete panic that his mind managed to produce coherent thoughts in between all his absolutely jumbled ones. It was nearly funny, hearing the logical ones amidst the screaming and cursing, because that was all that he managed to really think as he ran through the semi-darkness. That and the occasional hunch that told him in what direction to run in, as if that would help. As if he wouldn’t get completely obliterated before managing to get out of this godforsaken forest.

Yet all the time spent among these trees, dates and mischief and the occasional need to just get away, led his feet in what he knew was the most suitable direction. Even though his mind and body were freaking out entirely, one part of him was doing its utmost to get him through this with as few scratches as possible. He could hear his hunter closing in and took a left, going deeper into the forest toward thicker trees, hoping to lose him enough that the noise and movement of the bushes wouldn’t matter. That his panicked gasps for air wouldn’t be audible.

He wasn’t sure how the hell he’d ended up here anyway. A day as any other, foggy and muggy, not at all the fall weather they were used to. Maybe the fog was what had resulted in this chase, was what had given Steve time to flee in the first place and get this far without being caught. But the fog was also making him uncertain, feeling as if he would trip over stones at any turn. Slowing him down, or so he assumed. His form wasn’t what it had been in high school, but he’d run away from enough monsters to know what adrenaline could do.

The mugginess was making his shirt cling to his chest, a piece of hair stuck to his forehead. “It’ll be fine,” Dusting had said, shoving a tree branch out of the way and letting it go before Steve had been able to get past it.

“You’re an asshole,” he’d replied, just narrowing missed having his fucking face whipped. “This will end badly, I’m telling you.”

“Since when were you a pu-”

“Shit, fuck!” The memory was interrupted by his ankle slamming into something and he fell headfirst toward the ground, finding himself lucky to land on something soft. He could imagine how easily he would come out of this with a stick through his eyeball, blood everywhere, excruciating pain turning him into nothing but wailing. But all he got was a scrape over his wrist where he tried and failed to catch himself against mossy bark. He lay there, for a moment, allowing himself to whimper through his heavy breathing once before falling silent. Listening. Knowing damn well no one could’ve missed that fall. Or?

The forest was quiet, sans the occasional rattling of leaves high above, and Steve tried to press his body as flatly against the forest floor as he could. All he could smell were leaves and dirt, all he could feel was the thudding of his ankle and the hammering of his heart.

“You’re not scared, are you?” That voice, only heard in his head, was inevitably Dustin’s, although the tone was different. The tone was playful in a way Dustin never was. Not accusing enough to be Robin’s, although she would probably have told him to stop being a wimp, too. Although he had Eddie’s voice entirely memorized he was grateful it wasn’t his, even though the words so obviously were. Steve’s heart was already frantic enough from the chase.

This was ridiculous. He was never speaking to Dustin again once he got out of here.

The sound of a twig breaking was what made him scramble to his feet again, realizing that if he was to be stagnant he couldn’t do it there, on semi-open ground, and so he started lugging his body through the trees again, his ankle protesting slightly but otherwise seeming uninjured. The fog seemed to have cleared up slightly, or maybe he had simply gotten used to it. It felt as if he’d been running for hours, but he knew it had barely been ten minutes. He couldn’t even have gotten very far. Was running in circles for all he knew.

“It will be fun,” Dustin had said, dumping his bag on the ground as the group gathered around him. “A trial of endurance. Of speed. Of survival skills.”

“Now you’re overdoing it,” Lucas had said and Steve had been glad someone else was voicing their disapproval. But Eddie had seemed excited, and so Steve hadn’t protested again. He was kind of regretting it now.

“You nervous?” Eddie had asked him quietly, breath against Steve’s cheek. Steve had shaken his head, had acted tough about it. But of course he’d been nervous, and now he regretted not being honest. It made him feel pathetic, tripping through the forest, hunted for fucking sport. How he’d survived literal monsters in the past he couldn’t explain.

He stopped in his tracks just before falling over a fallen tree, cursing under his breath as he tried to climb over it quickly. Too many obstacles in too little time. He felt as if his hunter was breathing down his neck now, and he turned around only to prove to himself that it wasn’t the case, and ended up with a hand around his arm dragging him back over the stem.

He screamed in surprise, then in slight terror, and then, finally, in panic as fingers dug into his abdomen, making his whole body twitch against Eddie’s. When Steve got a glimpse of him through his ticklish laughter, he saw that he was just as flushed as him.

“Fifteen minutes,” Eddie said, stilling his fingers and leaning down to press his lips to Steve’s temple. “You might survive.”

“I’ve survived before,” Steve said, feeling grumpy. “That’s why I don’t get this exercise.”

“Eh, it’s good to hone your skills.”

“And entertain the kids.”

“That too.” Eddie curled his fingers over his belly again and Steve tried to shove him away, but the way they’d landed had Eddie hovering over him and it made it harder to get away. “But now you’re at the mercy of the tickle monster.”

“You’re so annoying.” It might’ve sounded serious had Steve not been giggling, exhausted, ticklish, glad this stupid experience was over. “Not there-”

“Oh here?”

“Eddie.”

Eddie laughed, but left his belly alone. Unfortunately it only meant he moved upward, to the sides of his ribs, making Steve squirm into the earth beneath him, feet kicking, profanities flying. But it was all nearly - nearly - worth it when Eddie kissed him, the two of them entangled for as long as they felt they could get away with it.

“Did you fall before?” Eddie asked once he’d helped him up, brushing leaves off of him. “I thought I saw your tumble out of sight.”

Steve sighed. “I did. It fuckin’ hurt.” Not that much, but he felt he needed some sort of sympathy after being dragged into this. “I thought you’d catch up.”

“I got confused and stopped, but heard you once you got up again.”

Steve hummed. He felt as if Eddie had paused on purpose to let him catch his breath, but didn’t call him out on it. “You be the prey next time. See how you like it.”

“Sweetheart.” A hand around Steve’s waist. “There’s nothing I’d like more than to be chased by you.”

[fastcardotmp3]

Oh would you so kindly expand on your Murray/that plotline™ thoughts? Btw I didn't remember it as a cheating situation but since it's been so long since watching that season i was taking other people's word for it. And yeah i don't think Murray did anything even if it was. like he didn't make them have sex.

I started to type out an answer to this ask, forgot to save it as a draft, and lost all of my thoughts, so apologies if this is a little disjointed but! I will do my best to give my thoughts coherently <3

I really do think the Murray thing is maybe a mischaracterization of his intentions, but also not the thing I care most about when it comes to narratives that deal with Steve/Nancy/Jonathan situation in season 2, because at the end of the day it's just another reframing of the same tired take tbh

I'll stick it under the cut though because I know I can be wordy

There's this, like, company line in this fandom that Steve and Nancy were just two teenagers who hurt each other, which I one hundred percent agree with, only that tends to be the company line everywhere except for the Steve-centric fics that get written about that plotline, which instead seem to frequently make an argument that "Nancy cheated on Steve, was cruel enough to cause long-term emotional damage, and then either is forced to grovel for forgiveness or be shut out of his and his friends' lives forever" which is. Not that. Right?

Fandom cultures at large, not just this one, are more willing to do empathetic, in-depth character analysis of male characters than they are female. This is something we know to be true and this is something that is noticable in how Nancy gets treated by fanon, especially when it comes to her relationship with Steve.

Because here's the thing, we could debate it all day (and I won't, for the record, if anyone's thinking about starting a fight) but for my part, what she did wasn't cheating. From the very first time I watched season 2 when it was released, I always read the Halloween fight and the morning after as a breakup.

HOWEVER, even if Nancy did cheat on Steve? It doesn't warrant the downright malicious Nancy characterizations that often feel ubiquitous to this fandom.

Even if Nancy did cheat, there is a refusal to look at the situation from her point of view, something which even Steve is canonically able to do by the end of season 2 (we'll get to that). Because there's more nuance here to take into account than just Nancy making a choice to specifically hurt or break Steve and there's more nuance here than Steve being incapable of moving on from this breakup.

In fact, if you really look at the choices both of them are making, it has very little to do with each other and everything to do with their own reactions to immense personal trauma and grief. Nancy has spent a year suppressing a mourning she's not allowed to experience out loud, and you expect her not to snap eventually?

Does personal hardship mean cheating is, like, a good thing (if that's the takeaway you're going with from canon)? No. Does it still wildly differ from the cruel and intentionally malicious version of Nancy that shows up in far too much fic? Yeah.

She's a teenage girl whose best friend died in a violent and preventable way at sixteen years old. Nancy tried to fit herself into Steve's coping strategies, tried to let it all go back to normal, and was visibly hurting in the process. She sought out comfort. Understanding. A chance to be heard.

It's a disservice to both of their characters to treat this like there's a "good" and "bad" guy, when the way they handle it in canon, the way Steve comes to terms with it (literally within days he is telling her to go with Jonathan, by the way), is all vitally important to their growth.

When Steve says "I may not be a very good boyfriend" that's not about him being down on himself or having low self worth, it's a moment of growth and self reflection/ awareness for him to acknowledge that in his efforts to make himself feel better, he also hurt Nancy. It's about him no longer being in the same bitter headspace of "what am I apologizing for?" that he was at the start of the season, and having the maturity to see that they don't work as they are at their current mental states, no matter how heartbreaking that may be for him.

And Nancy choosing to go with Jonathan is really just a continuation of everything she was doing in trying to get justice for Barb-- she's choosing to follow her heart after being trapped away from acknowledging it for so long.

In other words, not only does he not have reason to, but Steve doesn't hate Nancy, Steve doesn't hold a lifelong grudge against Nancy, Steve doesn't think Nancy is a cruel and unfeeling bitch, but fic authors sure seem to.

If it were just a handful of fics here or there, I wouldn't be so adamant about it, but it's such an ingrained narrative in this fandom that sometimes I think people have genuinely forgotten the canon context.

Don't strip them of their agency and everything they learn from getting together and falling apart by making Steve less emotionally competent and Nancy more borderline abusive than either of them are.

It's boring and it's sexist and it shouldn't be the norm.

but that's just my 2 and a half cents peace and love anon, hope this answered your question <3

[chaoticdelinqueerwithglitter]

Red Snow (KakuIza oneshot)

Wow, I can't believe I finally finished this!

This was actually sitting on my drafts for half a year. The idea came at me when I started wondering what if some characters start to slowly remember other timelines? And bam, KakuIza appeared to me. Tragic as always, but asking with puppy eyes if I could give them happiness (or show it, since technically the canon already did this). I had it all wrote except the last scene because apparently the angst comes easily at me (no surprises here, oops)

But Tenjiku being animated and knowing what we'll see in a few week... Yeah, I needed to end this and fix that mess.

(link to ao3 in case some one preferes to read it there)

Summary: Maybe the snow was the last tribute from heaven to this king who died too young trying to protect his servant. After that day, every time it snows, Kakucho couldn't do anything but look at the snow, the bloody red snow that seemed to be everywhere. Now, the red is gone. Izana is there. The snow makes Kakucho happy again.

Warnings: Manga Spoilers. Angst with happy ending (with a lot of angst before the happiness) and depressed Kakucho (who could blame him?)

Notes: This is canon compilant, from Kakucho's POV (so keep in mind that any opinion on another character is Kakucho's, not mine, I love them all). The italic parts are Kakucho's memories, I hope it makes sense how I organized, since it's not chronologically, it only makes sense emotionally. If saying this makes sense at all.

English is not my first language, so be nice please! :)

Kakucho has been wanting to see that smile for so long that he can't even remember when he started to miss it. Or maybe it's the excruciating pain in his shoulder, which doesn't allow him to remember properly. All that he knows is that suddenly it's here, a real smile on Izana's face, lighting everything up. He can't stop looking, even if some part of his brain detects all the chaos and screams around them, Kakucho only has eyes for him, for his king and this smile that it's making the world shine again for a few seconds.

He thinks his yelling, but he's unable to focus in anything other than Izana bleeding next to him, correcting his servant once more “Our era”. The king keeps talking to Mikey, but Kakucho doesn't know what he's saying anymore, the last words still hitting his brain, his ears, his whole body. “I'm sorry Kakucho, but you're all that I have”.

As Izana's hand begins to get colder his servant is still caught up in those words “All that I have”. So Kakucho close his eyes, more than willing to follow his king one last time. He's not going to left him alone, not now, not ever. The last coherent thoughts that cross his mind is that this is his fault, for wishing too much, wanting too much. He never would have wished to see Izana's real smile again if he had known the price.

He's still able to see the snow before everything goes dark (or feel, he's not sure of his own senses any more). It's ironic,they used to love the snow, now it seems like the universe is mocking on them. Or maybe it's not, maybe the snow is the last tribute from heaven to this king who died too young trying to protect his servant.

---------------------------------------

Kakucho wakes up in the hospital. The doctors say that he's going to recover, like that's good news. They are not, not for him. He survived, again. Nothing makes sense, he doesn't feel alive, so... How is it possible? He wants to die, he doesn't understand, his live is meaningless, just a servant. Kakucho hates himself for surviving, he should have died protecting his king, not the other way around.

None of this matters, his feelings are not important, he can't go back to being selfish, getting caught up in his own desires. He knows that he has to keep living, Izana died for him to live. 'Why? Why Izana? Why you never show how important I was to you when we still had time? Why did you leave me? Why am I the only one stuck with our regrets? Why?'

He needs to stop thinking, there is no point in doing so. Izana exchanged his own life for Kakucho's, so he knows he has to keep living. Even tough he is already dead.

---------------------------------------

Every time it snows, is the same. It doesn't matter if Izana is already in middle school, as soon as he sees the first flakes he starts running looking for Kakucho, ready to drag him under the snow again. It's a miracle how he's able to contain all this excitement until he finds his friend (his servant) when he's actually jumping trough the corridors.

Of course, Kakucho follows him, pretending to complain about the cold. He doesn't pretend too hard, it's not like he's even trying to hide his smile. Or like the cold matters, when Izana is still taking his hand while they keep running until being outside.

Kakucho didn't care about the snow before, now he loves it. Or maybe he loves how the older boy's face seems to glow when he smiles at it. He knows that Izana isn't exactly the happiest kid around, so he treasures every second when he can have his friend acting like this, without masks or titles between them. Just two friends playing in the snow.

They always play outside for hours, never bothered by the rest of the kids, probably too busy hiding inside the building from the cold. Kakucho thinks they are idiots, they don't know anything. For him, the snow is a reminder of that warm feeling inside him, that thing he felt the first time they played like this. It was almost freezing inside their igloo, but all the ice went away when Izana said those words “Our kingdom”. The younger kid doesn't understand why, he only knows that for a second he felt like the most important person on the entire planet ( besides Izana, of course ), the previous cold forgotten and replaced by warmth within his chest.

Suddenly, a snowball kicks him and he realizes that Izana has already started the fight. He was lost in his own thoughts, so obviously Izana is cheating. Again. He sighs and starts making his own ammunition. 'Some things never change, right?'

---------------------------------------

The world lost his color that day. Now everything looks gray, like if someone repainted it with a monochrome palette during the time that Kakucho was in the hospital. The apartment is worse, because he can still see where the colors are supposed to be, like a shadow from the past. He can still see the guitar by the window, where Izana used to play it. The tropical fish, now his only roommate.

It's a really small apartment, the only one that Izana could afford at that time, when he came back to the orphanage just for rescue him ( actually it was more an scape than a rescue, but they didn't care about that ). When his king went to juvie he promised that he wouldn't forget about Kakucho. And he didn't, because Izana never lied to him. 'He just kept too many things inside, but he never lied, how ironic is that?'

He didn't have time to miss the colors, because one day starts snowing. Kakucho was walking towards the convenience store when the first flakes began to fall. Suddenly he can't breathe, he can't move, he can't think. He can't do anything but look at the snow, the bloody red snow that's everywhere. 'Red. That's not supposed to be red. Why is the snow red? Where does all this blood come from? Fuck, fuck, fuck!'

Kakucho doesn't know how he manage to run until he's safely back home, safe from the memories that come true with every flake of snow. From that day on, he avoids going outside in the snow. So he stays in this apartment full of ghosts, the ghosts of colors, forever gone from his world. The ghost of Izana filling every corner, reminding him that he must keep living.

---------------------------------------

Apparently Izana made new friends in juvie. He doesn't know how he feels about it, but it's weird trying to imagine Izana making friends. Until his king explains how he made them. 'Oh, that checks.'

“Why are you doing this face? Are you jealous or what?”

Izana says that with a smirk in his face, his obviously teasing him but for some reason the younger boy still feel that something is off.

“Come on servant, don't be such a pain in the ass, I beat them for you, the least you can do is be grateful, don't you think?”

“For me?”

Kakucho doesn't understand what that is supposed to mean.

“Yeah, you're going to lead our army, remember? I wasn't going to let you lead an army of weaklings.”

And with that, he puts a hand on Kakucho's head, ruffling his hair on the process. An obvious sign that the conversation is over and, once again, his servant will follow him with a smile.

When Kakucho finally meets this new friends, he can only think that they're all idiots. Well, except for Mutto, he likes Mutto because he's calm and quiet, he always knows his place or when it's better to shut up. Shion is the complete opposite, he never knows when to shut up or stop moving. To be honest, Kakucho thinks that Shion probably can't do any of that. Mochi is just another idiot, with less energy than Shion, but the same amount of brains. The Haitani brothers are their own category. 'This two aren't just idiots. They are idiots and weirdos.'

Time passed and Kakucho still thinks the Haitanis are weirdos, but he actually likes having them around. They always show up with some expensive and extravagant gift, as if money is nothing to the rulers of Roppongi. Today they bring some delicious cakes, as always they remembered to buy a portion of Kakucho's favorite. He knows Ran is the one who paid attention to these tinny details, he can't help but act like a big brother.

But the cake is not the reason why Kakucho likes them. It's not the only reason, at least. No, Izana is the real reason. Every time the Haitani brothers are there the white haired boy looks happy. Of course, he doesn't show it, so sometimes he seems amused, entertained or even pissed off as if he's about to lose his already little patience. But Kakucho knows him better, he knows that Izana is happier when the weirdos are here. So before he realizes, the four of them are friends. Well, maybe one king and three friends.

---------------------------------------

It's being a few months since the Kanto Incident. He doesn't know how many, because time stopped making any kind of sense for Kakucho since his reason to live disappeared. He didn't realize how much time had past until one day when he hears an annoying knock at his door. A really annoying knock that doesn't go away forcing him to open the damn door.

Of course, when he opens the door, the Haitani brothers are there. He should had know, but he really wasn't aware that they were already out.

“Kakuchooooo, I know you missed me, so stop making that grumpy face and be a good host!”

Ran looks exactly the same, still talks like he's teasing at you with every word. After all that time, he still brings cake, Kakucho's favorite.

“Come one, let us in already, I was about to pick the lock.”

Yeah, that's Rindou's way of showing that he was worried. Still the same weirdos. So obviously, he lets them in.

Before he understands what's going on, he's sitting at the table with one brother at each side of him, eating cake and talking nonsense. And he's smiling, even laughing at times with their most absurd anecdotes. The scene is so familiar, so comfortable, it's almost like nothing has changed. 'Almost.'

Kakucho doesn't know what happened, but suddenly finds himself unable to breath. He tries, he really tries, because he doesn't want to break in front of anyone. But they aren't just anyone, they have cake and comfort words “Breathe, it's ok Kakucho, we know” and “We're here now, you are not alone anymore”.

So he breaks, he let himself cry in front of these weirdos that share his pain, his lost. In front of what's left of his family, what's left of all that happiness that he doesn't even remember how it felt. He doesn't realize that all this time he has been gripping his necklace, the one with a hanafuda image that they know all too well. The one that used to be one of Izana's earrings.

---------------------------------------

Kakucho would never know how they knew it. The Haitanis always seem to have a sixth sense or something, because they show up unannounced like they always did. The strange thing is that they seem to know that this time Izana is going to welcome them, without beatings or cruel words. They seem to sense that their king is starting to get better and he can't be more thankful, hoping that maybe this is what Izana needs.

He's not wrong, but he's also not right. Izana isn't quiet there most of the time, but at least he eats, talks and even has a smile sometimes. It's not he's real smile, his eyes don't show any emotions, it still looks unhinged. But even if it's a weird smile, he does it more when the brothers are there, so Kakucho thinks that's good. 'He just needs more time, that's all, this has to be a good sign, right? Yep, one day he will really smile again, I'm sure.'

Kakucho definitely likes having the Haitani brothers around. They are more than friends, they are family.

---------------------------------------

Kakucho didn't want to follow South, he only have one king and he will never betray him. He ends up in Rokuhara after that monster beats the shit out of him, but that doesn't mean his loyal to that gang. He put his life ( and his heart ) in the hands of another man a long time ago.

It's actually much easier than he expected, being back in this live, the fights, the adrenaline. Maybe that is all he knows how to do or maybe he doesn't even care anymore, but this makes him feel a little bit more alive than spending day after day hiding in his apartment with only ghosts and a fish for company.

It's different with Mikey and so familiar at the same time that he feels on edge. Every time that he's in a Kanto Manji meeting he has to control himself or he would freak out ( unconsciously grasping his necklace trying to calm down ).

Looking at Mikey gets him deja-vu. Really bad deja-vu, if he has to be honest.

The invincible is falling, Kakucho can see him fall into the darkness, exactly as he saw before. That's what scares him most, that he already learned how this ends. But he can't run away ( even if sometimes that's all that he wants ). Kakucho can't run away because he knows, he doesn't know how he knows, but he knows Izana wouldn't want him to leave Mikey. Or maybe he's just projecting, trying to fix the past by fixing the present.

“You can't save him.”

Of course he has been noticing the look in the older Haitani's face, he's obviously worried, but he didn't expect that. He wasn't prepared for that.

“What?”

“You can't save Mikey, not from himself. Stop it, you need to start thinking about what do you want for a while.”

There is more, things that Ran never says, but Kakucho listens anyway. The unspoken words keep floating around them 'You can't save him, the same way that you couldn't save Izana.'

---------------------------------------

At the beginning, Kakucho was happy of seeing Izana taking care of himself again. Starting to be open to people, to life, once more.

Now, he's just worried. Really worried. He realized that Izana's only motor is revenge, that he's getting really obsessed with Mikey. Izana is falling into darkness, a little bit more every day. His smiles are not real, his beautiful purple eyes never catch up with them. He looks deranged, completely unhinged every time that he starts talking about his revenge plans.

Kakucho knows that, but he'll follow him anyway. He'll follow Izana because he just wants to see him happy again and if this revenge is what it takes, he'll follow his king. Izana isn't drinking and sleeping all day anymore, so he hopes that maybe, he just needs time for smiling again. A real smile, like before. If Kakucho have to follow him to hell for being able to see this smile once more, he'll do it happily.

---------------------------------------

It's even worst the day that Rindou finally snaps, just before the battle with Toman 2nd Generation. They're alone, just trying to keep themselves entertained with some video game, trying very hard ( and failing ) not to think about tomorrow.

“Who do you think will die?”

It's just a whisper, so he wants to ignore it, pretending that he didn't hear it until he turns around and sees Rindou's face.

“No one, this time no one is going to die.”

He doesn't believe it, of course, not after watching how Mikey almost killed Takemichi of all people. But he's trying to comfort the other, and probably himself.

“You don't believe that, don't fuck with me!”

Then he realizes. Rindou fucking Haitani is panicking right now, he's having a panic attack and Kakucho doesn't know what to do. So he just keeps listening, hoping that helps. He's definitely not prepared for the next words.

“I... I've been having nightmares since that day, you know? What if... What if Ran tries to protect me like Izana did with you? What if... This time Ran... Shit, I can't even say it out loud, I'm fucking pathetic! But how am I supposed to keep living if that happen? How you keep living with that?”

Kakucho really, really doesn't want to answer that, but he's never seen the younger Haitani like this before, he knows he deserves an answer. He also knows that the only one he can give is not going to help.

“You don't.”

---------------------------------------

Kakucho is dying. He knows he is dying, he knows that Sanzu's katana cut is too deep, that there is no way that he could survive this time. He's okay with the idea of his own death, he always thought that the last two years were a cruel and extra time.

But he can't, he can't die yet. Kakucho needs to stop this damn train, he needs to do it or a lot more people is going to die. Not just people, his friends. Shion, Mochi, Takemichi. Not just people, his family. Ran. Rindou. The last survivors of the broken family they had once. The last two people in this whole planet that still remember Izana with affection. Kakucho can't let this happen, he can't let them die without trying until his last breath.

That's when he sees him. Izana.

Izana is here, Kakucho can feel him, he can feel his warm presence by his side once again. He doesn't even have time to think what's happening, when he listens Izana's voice.

“You're still as reckless as ever. Well, that's what makes you, you.”

Izana smiles and puts his hand in top of Kakucho's own hand. He can feel Izana's strength going through his body.

“I'll help you out, Kakucho.”

Just like that, they are able to stop the train. Together, like they always should be. They did it, they saved their family. And now, Kakucho is finally letting go, allowing himself to die. He's not afraid anymore, he's just happy that he could see Izana one last time. He's dying, but he's dying with a warm smile. Kakucho is finally reunited with the love of his live.

---------------------------------------

Kakucho never knew when he started to feel that for Izana. Maybe it was always there, maybe his feelings just changed and grew into something different at the same time that he was growing. But he could pinpoint without any doubt the exact moment when he realized that he was in love with his king.

The day that he saw him “better” again after Shinichiro's death. Izana just cut his hair and wanted to do a big entrance with his new Tenjiku's uniform. He was showing it to Kakucho, his arms opened and allowing him to see the whole view. His earrings dancing with him again every time he moved.

Kakucho knew it. Like and instant revelation, he felt that he just found the missing piece of a puzzle that he didn't even realized he was doing. Kakucho was doomed.

He wanted too much, he couldn't ask that from the older boy, but he still couldn't avoid it. He wouldn't ask, he'll keep following him until the end, just like always. He was sure that be by Izana's side will be enough. At that time, he thought this was the best decision, he still didn't knew that never confessing his feelings to Izana will be his last regret.

---------------------------------------

Kakucho opens his eyes, looking around and feeling completely disoriented. He's laying on a king size bed, the other side showing signs that some one was sleeping here too. He touches his chest, not understanding why there isn't a wound there. A scar, at least. But nothing.

Suddenly, he realizes that his necklace is not there. He's about to panic, thinking that he lost Izana's earring forever. Until he hears it, a soft voice calling his name. The sound of footsteps entering the room.

The scarred boy wants to punch himself, because this can't be. But he recognizes this voice, he would recognizes this particular footsteps anywhere.

“Kakucho? Are you awake or are you going to start acting like Ran and sleep forever?”

Izana enters the room, looking even more ethereal than ever. A smug face and playful tone. But he looks... Older. It's subtle, little details than some one who didn't know him as his servant does, wouldn't notice. But Kakucho does it. His king looks exactly like he kept growing up during the last two years.

“I-Izana? Are you real?”

Is just a whisper, he's too afraid that if he talks, he would break this illusion, this dream. But it's more than enough for Izana's face changes into one of worry, quickly sitting on the bed by Kakucho's side, a gentle hand on his forehead.

“Are you okay? You look sick... I can call Manjiro and tell him we can't go to the lunch this week.”

Izana's voice is so soft, his tone of concern so genuine, his warm hand on Kakucho's face so comforting... That he breaks. He starts crying like a little kid, hugging him, clinging onto him like his life depended on it (it does).

“Kakucho? Kakucho, look at me.”

A gentle touch on his chin forces him to look directly into Izana's eyes. An intense gaze staring directly at him, trying to analyze what the hell is happening. The hand moving softly to wipe his tears. But there's something in those violet eyes, something different. Like they had less walls, as if the usual storm that Kakucho always saw on them was calmer.

So, without even thinking about it, Kakucho just says the words. No more regrets.

"I love you, Izana.”

He whispers, before talking again, this time more firmly.

“I love you. So you can't die, because I love you. You have to promise to me that you'll not die."

Izana stares at him, a puzzled look on his face. 'Well, that's not the worst reaction ever, right?'

"I know that, idiot. We've been dating for almost a year now, you don't need to act so fucking intense about it. What the hell is wrong with you today?”

The words sound blunt, but there's so much affection behind them, that Kakucho just melts with it. Specially, when Izana ruffles his hair. A small gesture that says a lot more.

And that's when he finally gets it. This gesture, all the gentle touches, all the non-verbal things that his king is saying... They aren't new. It was always there. This was always Izana's love language. It was always there. But Kakucho never understood until now, because he never thought he deserved this love.

“Nothing. Nothing is wrong, Izana.”

He answers, a bright smile on his face. Feeling lighter than ever. Of course, the older boy is not buying it, an interrogation look on his eyes. Kakucho just laughs at this, throwing his head like a little kid, unable to content so much happiness. So much life.

Until he looks through the windows and he sees it. It's starting to snow outside.

“It's snowing.”

Izana's whole expression changes with this words. His face lighting up with excitement. A genuine smile on it.

A real smile. One that makes Kakucho notices that this time, he can actually see the snow. The red is gone. Izana is there, holding his hand and smiling at him. Looking ethereal but at the same time, so real. So tangible. So alive.

The red is gone.

Izana is there.

The snow makes Kakucho happy again.

[dangerpronebuddie]

Hi, baby, hope you're having a good day 🩷

But about Buck, Actually, no, the newlyweds call is not the last one, it is see me Norman, gas station, newlyweds, and then Thomas and Mitchell, with bathena and madney intertwined in the middle. I will definitely write something in more detail depending on the types of shots we get from the bachelor party, but madney has the whole bar sequence, the karaoke of it all, then the scene in Chim's apartment with the food and what Buck says that will quite literally describe buddie too as of 706 once we see the karaoke, and bathena is about Athena accepting the changes in the family that come with Michael dating? Like there's the dinner with Michael and the boyfriend and the kids and bathena (and then bathena gets engaged the next episode lol) that I kinda wanna argue you can parallel to outside looking in but I will have to rewatch both scenes again to make sure lol and well, the episode is very much a madney begins in a sense, we see the friendship and they talk about Maddie not being ready yet and we have a lot of parallels to draw if they are going that direction, even more with the whole repeat names and the Thomas/Tommy thing yk? I have to watch 706 for the thoughts to fully form tho ksoskspskspskapka I am losing my mind a little about it ngl

Hi baby, hope you are too🩷

Okay, that's what I thought. So doing the trapped dads thing could definitely have a confession, and they could possibly combine the car crash and Thomas and Mitchell, at least in terms of how Buck sees love. And like you said, if Eddie's the one in worse condition, he's not going to tell Buck and let him live with that forever. Buck would tell Eddie, just so he'd know he died being loved (I didn't tear up writing that. At all).

Given the fact Buck, Actually had such a focus on Madney, it kinda makes sense for 7x06 to have a Buddie focus. We haven't even seen Chim at his own bachelor party yet! With Madney in 2x08, we get to see how they communicate (Chim spam texts lol), how well they know each other (her wine order), the karaoke, the buff-fridays thing, and Buck calling them out on being oblivious. The fact we're getting the same colors and the thing with their arms around each other is INSANITY. Even more so considering Maddie and Eddie have so many similarities. Still haven't figured out the point of Eddie in pink, we'll just have to see there. (I think I'm having thoughts on that but now I need to look at 7x01 again. Maybe the pink is tied to Eddie specifically right now. I need to find some coherent thoughts on that lol).

I just thought of something. Athena struggling with accepting changes in the family sounds oddly familiar... Chris broke a salad bowl over Eddie dating again. Would he have similar emotions to finding out Buck and Tommy are together? Or, a step further, if he somehow figures out how Buck and Eddie feel about each other? It's kind of a stretch but ¯⁠\⁠_⁠(⁠ツ⁠)⁠_⁠/⁠¯

With the Outside Looking In parallel, it's possible. I'd have to watch and see.

7x06 could be a Buddie begins in a sense. They're practically attached at the hip in all the promos, the karaoke thing, and God knows what else we'll see. I'm all for an *almost* happening, just not a cheating storyline, no thanks. The almost would push them to think whether or not they're ready, and they aren't- at least not Eddie considering Marisol and the whole guilt thing. OH! An almost would pile onto that!

And it's perfect for someone to point out their feelings. Anyone watching them could spot it, Maddie already has her suspicions, so does Tommy. Ideally, at least for me, I want Maddie to call Buck on it and Chim to Uno reverse and throw out "if you love him, tell him." It's not likely to happen in 7x06 specifically, but it could be very soon. Tommy's likely to mention something too, considering he barely knows them and still spotted it, but I would love for it to be Madney.

The Thomas/ Tommy thing is really bugging me. Are we going to see a Charlie or a Mitchell in the near future? I still haven't figured out Tommy's motives, it really makes no sense.

There's so many parallels we're getting, and probably A LOT more in 7x06. I already know it's gonna be one of those episodes that keepe me up all night lol.

[lurkingteapot]

thai language study update

It's been two years today since I first started watching a Thai show, the first time I wittingly exposed myself to the language at length. Two years ago, I'm pretty sure I would not have been able to pick Thai out of a line-up with other Southeast Asian languages. A few day from now, it'll be two years since I thought "I'll note down words I catch, phonetically, best I can. Just for fun." About a month from now, it'll be two years that I started to learn the language in earnest.

Where am I at?

Listening comprehension: I can follow most shows that are set in the present day without subtitles, provided they a) deal with everyday topics rather than specialised ones (Chaan's legalese is lost on me; I still don't fully follow the legal and ethical debates between the friends in Not Me, never mind the medical jargon in shows like Triage) and b) use modern-day Central Thai (you may have seen my crying about คำเมือง /kʰam mɯːaŋ/ here). Of course I don't understand even close to everything -- maybe 70% on a good day? but I tend to get enough not end up completely confused.

Reading comprehension: Handwriting and less common fonts still challenge me a lot, regular print fonts tend to be fine. Song lyrics tend to be fine unless they're very poetic (hi กีดกัน/Skyline). Tweets tend to be okay, but it heavily depends on the subject matter (politics or economics? help.), how much context I know, and how much slang or cute/funny spelling variants people use. I can read short news articles, but depending on the topic it'll be either slow or agonisingly slow and require extensive dictionary help, and I might still get things wrong. Not something I do for fun yet. I've started on the novel The Eclipse was based on (too difficult still) and a few short stories (somewhat easier) and realised that the big downside of mainly learning through shows and audio (interviews …) is that it leaves me sorely deficient when it comes to vocabulary that describes people or actions. Hardly anyone says "Getting frustrated, he tossed a book onto his desk, where a couple of other textbooks and notepads already formed a messy pile" or, idk, describes clothing at length in a show.

Writing: so-so. It's legible, I have the writing system down sufficiently to take notes at speed most of the time, but I second-guess myself too much. Should I be doing more of this for practice? probably.

Speaking: eeeeh. I do NOT have the vocabulary or grammatical knowledge to sound smart or coherent yet, and my pronunciation is middling at best. Speaking is also the area where I struggle most to get practice. That said, I can hold a conversation as long as my interlocutor is willing to help out a little (by helping out with vocab and/or accepting that sometimes we'll have to guess at what the other is saying). I can make myself understood on a good number of topics of daily interest in my daily life—often by going the long way around and trying to describe things or actions I don't have the words for.

I'm still really enjoying myself. I got to go to Thailand for a little over two weeks earlier this year and that was a huge boost, both in terms of confidence and in actual speaking ability. Main goal for the next 12 months is to expand vocabulary (both active and passive), and if everything goes my way I'll be going to Thailand for another two weeks or so to actually use my Thai. We'll see.

[clonerightsagenda]

i would love to hear anything more about communications director minkowski that you would care to share, it sounds like a very fun route for postcanon! 👀

It IS very fun. In lieu of writing a coherent post I just spent quite a bit of time scrolling through 3 years of discord messages for good tidbits:

Gill spent part of my day wondering “you know you’d expect Lovelace to have some Loud And Pointed Opinions about Minkowski being offered the post of Communications Director but maybe instead she’d be the first to figure out there’s no better way to dismantle the company than from the inside out” Kat If you want a job done wrong you gotta do it yourself Gill Minkowski: They… want me to be the next director… and I think I’m going to take the job. Lovelace: …actually. That sounds like an amazing idea. Minkowski: Minkowski: who are you and what have you done with Captain Lovelace Kat Careful Renee. That joke has a bit of an edge to it Gill Nobody’s getting out of post-flight quarantine without an identity crisis of some kind it seems Kate I bet Lovelace would jump at the chance to have a woman on the inside… who has a lot of practice ruining Goddard's plans. Gill Lovelace, probably: You’re gonna need your own version of Cutter’s hypercompetent Right Hand Minion, and it seems to me that the person who kept him distracted while you put a harpoon through his torso would be the ideal candidate. Lovelace: Also, it’d be fun to deface Kepler’s old office.

*

Kat was thinking about Minkowski marriage drama in the context of her voluntarily signing on to be comms director under the same contract as the last one fully aware this means everyone will try to kill her just in case she can keep everyone else safe and then having to explain that to her husband tfw your wife never prioritizes you bc she's too busy prioritizing a) dying in space b) dying on land now Gill Dominik Koudelka, maybe: it just feels like I have to get myself kidnapped by shadowy corporate goons if I want to spend time with you!

*

Kate Communications Director Minkowski 1) definitely publishes her own adapted fifth edition of the Survival Manual that’s not a joke and full of useful things and 2) mostly inspired by things Eiffel did that his justification was “well no one ever TOLD me this would happen in space!” Gill “Leprechauns are not real. Ghosts, however, are.” “In the unlikely but theoretically possible event that leprechauns are discovered at some point in the near future, disregard previous. It’s important to keep an open mind.” Kate Adaptability! Flexibility! Priorities! Acknowledgement that space is full of unpredictable and incomprehensible bullshit! The spirit of the new space age Gill Tip #1002: You may say “fuck”. Once.

*

Kat thought: re Goddard possibly having prison labor going on, maybe when they got Eiffel out of jail they just transferred his sentence to them, and Comms Director Minkowski finds out she technically owns two of her crewmates now and isn't super happy about it Eiffel: so for the next 23 years my ass is yours I guess Minkowski: I don't want it Minkowski, sifting through paperwork: why… why do I own prison laborers now? Can I pardon them? What is this news anchor voice: Goddard Futuristics stocks dipped today as new director Renee Minkowski gave the entirety of their asteroid mining staff early release, quoted as saying "Go home. The fuck." Gill Comms Director Minkowski like ok first off we’re actually giving our workers benefits Kat we'll reroute some of the money headed toward all the R&D for evil shit Gill we’re also defunding our paramilitary branches. Why do we even have those?? Kat Jacobi, raising hand: To do stuff like break into Elon Musk's Mars colony and take him out with extreme prejudice Lovelace: ok that one sounds justified actually Gill Lovelace: Can I go fuck up Elon Musk’s stupid libertarian summer camp? Minkowski: Later, I need you here right now. Lovelace: Aw, ok. ): Kate Okay project Fuck Up Elon Musk can stay

*

Kat underappreciated aspect of the comms director Minkowski concept: DC girl Minkowski finds out she now owns like 75% of the politicians on Capitol Hill. Is not sure how to stop owning them It's like feeding wild animals, they keep coming back for your money even when you try to cut off the lobbying Gill Minkowski: next time a senator shows up at my house I’m siccing Lovelace on them Kat Minkowski: Cutter had an entire budget line for funding ballot initiatives and…. wow, that's a lot. Hey Doug, what are your thoughts on felons being able to vote? Eiffel: Felons can't vote? Minkowski: …. yes?? Eiffel: Oh. Huh. I don't ever vote so I didn't notice. And I see from your expression that you don't approve of this.

*

Gill Comms Director!Minkowski: If you need me, I’ll be in a meeting. /crawls into the vents Kat Local unions still talk about the super weird HVAC remodeling the new director insisted on

*

Gill You are an astronautical engineer at Goddard Futuristics’ special projects division. You were handpicked by the special projects manager herself to work on this new prototype. The craft you and your colleagues poured untold hours of work into is commandeered by Warren Kepler, Legendary Local Douchebag, and two of his minions (an entire ship! For three people!!) to go off and babysit one of your boss’s boss’s ultra-secret pet projects, which you quietly believe is actually an elaborate fraud scheme of some kind. You rage at this. Then, you mourn. Perhaps you drink heavily. Either way, you move on, setting aside your quiet hope that the Urania one day re-enters terrestrial skies, but gradually making peace with the idea you may never see this particular fruit of your labor again. And then a year and a half later you get it back and the interior is just plastered in printer paper that looks like a brigade of toddlers just went nuts on it with their crayons. And also your boss is dead and the apparent leader of said toddlers is the new communications director. Kat Hey at least the astronautical engineering division can feel vindicated that that shuttle a few years back didn't malfunction Gill Engineer: So that shuttle didn’t malfunction and Cutter was actively orchestrating a fake explosion and cover-up. Then he sent Warren “Oh just let me fire off this prototype in a civilian area” Kepler and his goon squad up in our prototype to go fuck around with you guys some more. Minkowski: Yup. Engineer: And you killed him. Minkowski: …yes. Engineer: …did you kill him painfully? Tell me it was painfully. (Minkowski is mildly worried about how she acquires some of her new supporters) Kat Lots of long simmering resentment Kate I imagine she gets a lot of goodwill points for taking out Cutter and Kepler… imagine

*

Kat comms director Minkowski having to do tax fraud to protect her team somehow Gill Jacobi, having just another day in the office, doing taxes: god this is so dull, I hate tax season. I wonder if Minkowski’s gone and holed up in the accounting department, she probably lives for this kind of thing. /smash cut to Minkowski threatening an IRS agent at harpoon-point Kat Minkowski making Hera her own LLC so she has rights now: This is legal according to Citizens United as long as no one looks at it too closely (my dad became an LLC today so he can contract with his work after he retires. I joked he will be the last person able to vote in the household once they take everyone else's rights away but corporations are people) Gill “Minkowski Commits Tax Fraud” would be an amazing chapter title for a fic at some point though Kat Minkowski early in the mission diligently doing her taxes in space because she's a good American citizen Minkowski like 5 years later: fuck capitalism Gill That one meme image but it’s, Minkowski: You mean the game was rigged all along? Minkowski @ herself: always has been. Kate This is my strongest Minkowski belief Gill Minkowski: wow, capitalism sucks, and growing up in a Soviet satellite state was also awful. Perhaps… the true problem… is giving people the power to wholly dictate other people’s lives…

*

Kat after the story of the Hephaestus crew breaks and they're famous Eiffel gets Minkowski a funko pop of herself it has a little harpoon Kinsey i support this wholeheartedly Gill It is both unsettling and adorable. She sets it proudly on her desk at work Kat someone coming into Comms Director Minkowski's office: uhhhhh Minkowski sitting next to her funko pop: what it's got the same psychic damage potential as Cutter having a #1 dad mug on his desk and everyone's too scared to ask about it Gill Concept: Minkowski eventually being gifted the Funko Pop versions of her entire crew They’re referred to affectionately(?) as her minions Kate If you’ve been called to her office because you’ve done something Sketchy and Capitalistic, you might even prefer looking into the creepy flat soulless eyes of the funko pop rather than Minkowski’s very, very sharp and angry human ones Gill Another mental image. Lovelace, beholding her funko pop: I mean, I don’t think my eyes are that terrifying even when I’m possessed by unknown cosmic entities, but other than that, it’s a perfect likeness. Lovelace: Look, she even has her arms folded because she’s mad at the other little plastic crewmates for being idiots. I love her.

[residentvampp]

I can't stop thinking about this fucking game so here's a thought dump. Spoilers. And tbh I'll probably have another one in a few days one I can have any coherent thoughts.

- Alice connected with the Blessed organization through Barry after being questioned by the FBC. They're the ones who helped her save Alan.

- I cannot believe they let that man live. I love Alan but I was fully prepared for him to be permadead for the sake of containing the Dark Presence. Curious to see if they let him near and OOPs in the future. That man needs major therapy before we give him any more superpowers.

- Please let the Night Springs DLC be about Tim. I need to understand his deal. More than anyone he both didn't deserve to get mixed up in this and is taking things very well. Would love to see him talk to Casper and have them figure out his deal.

- Speaking of, this game mostly confirmed my theory that Dr. Darling was discorporated after exposing himself to Hedron. I have a feeling we'll still see him in videos on Control 2 but in a more conversational style. I think he lives in the TV now.

- Saga being both and Anderson and a Door is neat. I appreciate that we are broadening the power spectrum outside Parautilatarian. After being deputized and presumably quieting the Dark Place threshold, I bet she'll be recruited into the FBC. If anyone from this game will be in Control 2, my bet is it's her.

- I am a little disappointed that Alan wasn't able to reconcile and bond with Scratch in the way Jesse/Polaris did. Based on the shootout at the lodge, I think on some level the Dark Presence wants to protect Alan from harm. It seemed to react more when he was in danger.

- But it's for the best. Scratch was attaching to Alan's mental health and anger issues, and thus Alan really wasn't able to push past his issue the way Saga was. I hope that he's able to grow and be better now. And maybe if Alice makes her way out, he won't be such an asshole anymore.

- Alan you better go apologize to Barry for existing, assuming your return won't break him.

[rharyx]

I've been going through all the mainline Final Fantasy games (and such side games as well) since I've never really played that many growing up and felt like getting into them all. Doubt I'll ever play all of the main 16, since not all of them look interesting to me, but we'll see.

Final Fantasy X This was the first one I played, back in 2014. I wanted to have at least one FF under my belt before XV came out, and X looked the most appealing. Played it and loved it. Definitely a 10/10 game for me, and I think the Sphere Grid is one of the most fun leveling systems I've seen. The story is so good, the cutscenes go hard, and the characters are really well-designed and memorable. I think one of the most important aspects of FF is a good main party, and X is one of the best in that regard.

Final Fantasy X-2 I've tried twice to get into this game, and I couldn't do it either time. I love Yuna's development from X to here, and I love the aesthetic and vibe of the game, but I couldn't get into the gameplay or how the story was paced and broken up. Maybe I'll get back to it for a 3rd time someday...

Final Fantasy Type-0 I only got this because it came with the demo for FFXV, and I dropped it pretty quickly back in 2015. I only came back to it a couple months ago (2023) and played it to completion. It was definitely a chore. The gameplay itself can be fun/addicting, but everything else is just outright boring or done in a way that makes things as joyless as possible. Especially the story, which is handled super choppily. The cast was mostly one-note (which I get was intentional, in-universe, but still...) and I only really played as Ace and Cater. Machina is probably my least favorite FF protag I can think of while writing this up. I only did one playthrough, and I know there's more in NG+, but I just have no energy to go through it again. Overall, it's like a 4/10.

Final Fantasy XV To say I was disappointed is an understatement. Not really a hot take, shitting on XV, but I mean...it is what it is. I knew it was never going to be the game I was looking forward to back in 2006, but the final product was just so far removed from anything resembling a coherent thought. The combat isn't fun, the skill tree is so boring, and the "open world" is mostly lifeless. Noct and the boys had potential, but they're barely developed or given much to do -- and don't even get me started on Luna and the rest of the side cast. There's a really good story and setting somewhere underneath all the issues, and it's impressive they released anything at all, all things considered. But man, is it just disappointing. 6/10.

Final Fantasy VIII As someone who really loved Leon in Kingdom Hearts, I was always interested in seeing the origin of the character, but just like Type-0, I could just not get into this game. I tried it in 2019, after Kingdom Hearts 3 came out and let me down -- I wanted to pivot to something in the same ball park of Square Enix, so I tried seeing if other Final Fantasy games were up my alley instead. But unfortunately, I didn't click with the gameplay, and the writing felt all over the place. From the bits of it I did play, I did enjoy Squall, Rinoa, and Selphie at least. I plan on getting back to it later, but for now I just don't see myself completing it. And after dropping X-2 and Type-0, and being let down by XV, this was the moment that made me go, "Oh, maybe Final Fantasy just isn't for me."

Final Fantasy XIV The game that made me love Final Fantasy. I've never played an MMO in my life before, but I remembered watching Ray Chase (Noct's VA) stream FFXIV once or twice before and thought it looked cool. In 2020, I got Covid and was pretty much bedridden for the next nine months, so I figured then was as good a time as any to invest myself in an MMO world to whittle away the days. "If I can't live in this world, I way as well live in another," my thought process basically was. And it ended up being a great decision. I love so much about this game, from the stories, to the characters, to the world building, to the music, etc. It's just magical through and through, and I can't wait to see where the next story arc takes us. 11/10.

Stranger of Paradise Jack Garland is an amazing protagonist, and this entire game is so fucking cool. Anyone who hates it doesn't like fun. Chaos/10. The DLC is some of the worst DLC I've ever had the displeasure of paying for, though -- never managed to finish it.

Final Fantasy XVI After XV, I was reasonably hesitant to expect much from XVI, and I remember being turned off by the aesthetic and general art direction from the first trailer. But I was really surprised by how good the game ended up being. It does feel like they're sometimes overcompensating for what they got criticized on with XV -- like having so many cutscenes to the point it feels like a movie, as opposed to how chopped up and bare boned the story in XV was, for example. But the cast is likeable, the gameplay is fun, and boy howdy some of those boss fights will live rent free in my head for the rest of time. Also, the voice acting is on another level. I really didn't enjoy the ending, though, but overall it felt like a step in the right direction for future entries. 7/10.

Final Fantasy VI Man, I just love this game. It was after XVI that I decided to play the older games and finish as many as I could, and I started with VI. I didn't expect a game from 1994 to win me over so badly, but everything about it is so fantastic. I love the whole opera vibe where it's almost like the characters are actors performing a stag play, and it has some of my favorite characters in the franchise. I love Cyan, Terra, and Celes so much. I love the scene at the opera house, the phantom train sequence, the dream world, how some dungeons and parts of the game have you split up and utilize multiple parties in tandem. The music is great. I love Kefka. And dude, the ending is my favorite ending to a Final Fantasy game that I've played so far. It basically took everything I hated about XVI's ending, but did the opposite, and it was beautiful. It was exactly the kind of ending that I needed to see after all the previous games I'd been playing. 10/10.

Final Fantasy IX Another masterpiece. If VI was like an Italian opera, XI felt to me more like a post-renaissance Disney movie. The art direction is so good, and the story is really well written. That said, I don't really care for a good chunk of the main party (Quina and Amarant especially), and like I said above, a good party is one of the most important aspects of a FF game. Zidane, Garnet, and Vivi are all amazing, and I really like Freya as well, but beyond that...meh? I wish Beatrix was a party member. I will admit though, I cheesed it by using the handicaps on the Pixel Remaster version (dealing 9999 damage by default), so I can't actually say if I like the gameplay or not, but it seemed like standard FF gameplay, and the Trance system looked cool at least. But I was just super invested in the story, and didn't want to spend a lot of time fighting. The locations and cities in this game were noticeably good, I do want to say. Overall, a solid 8/10 for me.

Final Fantasy VII I almost didn't want to play this one. It's by far the most popular one and I already knew so much about it through two decades of cultural osmosis and Kingdom Hearts, I was almost content just continuing to be the guy who could say, "Yeah, nah, I've never played FF7" just to be a hipster or whatever. But I did play it. And I can see why it's so loved. The story is so good, and unlike with IX, I actually didn't use handicaps (besides the 3x speed for grinding), and I really enjoyed the gameplay. Probably one of the more addicting gameplay loops from a FF game. The main cast is really good, even if it does have its weaker links (Cait, Yuffie, Vincent). My only real complaint is the translation felt really stiff, like even the translators didn't know what they were reading sometimes. It's probably just because it was the 90s. Still, not a big enough nitpick to not give the game a 9/10.

And that's where I am now.

I want to play Crisis Core and the 7 Remake now, since I have context for what's going on due to playing the OG 7.

And then I think IV is the pixel game I'll tackle next.

I really want to play the XIII series, since I don't believe it's as bad as I remember people claiming it was back in high school. But they're not on PS5, so that'll have to wait.