#and my brain immediately went yin and Yang | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

tseneipgam · 10 months

Text

"My first conscious memory of science' (or was it religion?) comes from my kindergarten class, which met in the old Grange Hall. We all ran to press our noses to the frosty windows when the first intoxicating flakes of snow began to fall. Miss Hopkins was too wise a teacher to try and hold back the excitement of five-year-olds on the occasion of the first snow, and out we went. In boots and mittens, we gathered around her in the soft swirl of white. From the deep pocket of her coat she took a magnifying glass. TIl never forget my first look at snowflakes through that lens, spangling the wooly sleeve of her navy blue coat like stars in a midnight sky. Magnified tenfold, the complexity and detail of a single snowflake took me completely by surprise. How could something as small and ordinary as snow be so perfectly beautiful? I couldn't stop looking. Even now, I remember the sense of possibility, of mystery that accompanied that first glimpse. For the first time, but not the last, I had the sense that there was more to the world than immediately met the eye. looked out at the snow falling softly on the branches and rooftops with a new understanding, that every drift was made up of a universe of starry crystals. I was dazzled by what seemed a secret knowledge of snow. The lens and the snowflake were an awakening, the beginning of seeing. It's the time when I furst had an inkling that the already gorgeous world becomes even more beautiful the closer you look."

"Within the circle of stones, I find myself unaccountably beyond thinking, beyond feeling. The rocks are full of intention, a deep pres- ence attracting life. This is a place of power, vibrating with energy exchanged at a very long wavelength. Held in the gaze of the rocks, my presence is acknowledged. The rocks are beyond slow, beyond strong, and yet yielding to a soft green breath as powerful as a glacier, the mosses wearing away their surfaces, grain by grain bringing them slowly back to sand. There is an ancient conversation going on between mosses and rocks, poetry to be sure. About light and shadow and the drift of continents. This is what has been called the dialectic of moss on stone - an inter- face of immensity and minuteness, of past and present, softness and hardness, stillness and vibrancy, yin and yang.* The material and the spiritual live together here. Moss communities may be a mystery to scientists, but they are known to one another. Intimate partners, the mosses know the contours of the rocks. They remember the route of rainwater down a crevice, the way f remember the path to my cabin. Standing inside the circle, I know that mosses have their own names, which were theirs long before Linnaeus, the Latinized namer of plants. Time passes"

"We poor myopic humans, with neither the raptor's git of long distance acuity, nor the talents of a housefly for panoramic vison However with our big brains, we are at least aware of the limits our vision. With a degree of humility rare in our species, we acknon. ledge there is much that we can't sec, and so contrive remarkable wars to observe the world. Infrared satellite imagery, optical telescopes and the Hubble Space Telescope bring vastness within our visual sphere. Electron microscopes let us wander the remote universe of out own cells. But at the middle scale, that of the unaided eye, our senses seem to be strangely dulled. With sophisticated technology, we strive to see what is beyond us, but are often blind to the myriad sparkling facets that lie so close at hand. We think we're seeing when we've only scratched the surface. Our acuity at this middle scale seems dimin-ished, not by any failing of the eyes, but by the willingness of the mind. Has the power of our devices led us to distrust our unaided eyes? Or have we become dismissive of what takes no technology but only time and patience to perceive? Attentiveness alone can rival the most powerful magnifying lens."

"No starfish. Disappointed, I Straightened up from the pools to relieve the growing stiffness in my back, and suddenly - I saw one. Bright orange and clinging to a rock right before my eyes. And then it was as if a curtain had been pulled away and I saw them everywhere. Like stars revealing themselves one by one in a darkening summer night. Orange stars in the crevices of a black rock, speckled burgundy stars with outstretched arms, purple stars nestled together like a family huddled against the cold. In a cas- cade of discovery, the invisible was suddenly made visible. A Cheyenne elder of my acquaintance once told me that the best way to find something is not to go looking for it. This is a hard con- cept for a scientist. But he said to watch out of the corner of your eye, open to possibility, and what you seek will be revealed. The revelation of suddenly seeing what I was blind to only moments before is a sub- lime experience for me. I can revisit those moments and still feel the surge of expansion. The boundaries between my world and the world of another being get pushed back with sudden clarity, an experience both humbling and joyful. The sensation of sudden visual awareness is produced in part by the formation of a 'search image' in the brain. In a complex visual land- scape, the brain initially registers all the incoming data, without critical evaluation. Five orange arms in a starlike pattern, smooth black rock, light and shadow. All this is input, but the brain does not immediately interpret the data and convey their meaning to the conscious mind. Not until the pattern is repeated, with feedback from the conscious mind, do we know what we are seeing"

"I find the language of microscopic description compelling in its clarity. The edge of a leaf is not simply uneven; there is a glossary of specific words for the appearance of a leaf margin: dentate for large, coarse teeth, serrate for a sawblade edge, serrulate if the teeth are fine and even, ciliate for a fringe along the edge. A leaf folded by accor- din pleats is plicate, complanate when flattened as if squashed between two pages of a book. Every nuance of moss architecture has a word. The students exchange these words like the secret language o a fraternity, and I watch the bond between them grow. Having the words also creates an intimacy with the plant that speaks of careful observation. Even the surfaces of individual cells have their own descriptors - mammillose for a breast-like swelling, papillose for a little bump, and pluripapillose when there are enough bumps to look like chicken pox. While they may initially seem like arcane technical terms, these words have life to them. What better word for a thick, round shoot, swelling with water than julaceous? Mosses are so little known by the general public"

"In indigenous ways of knowing, all beings are recognized as non-human persons, and all have their own names. It is a sign of respect to call a being by its name, and a sign of disrespect to ignore it. Words and names are the ways we humans build relationship, not only with each other, but also with plants."

"Looking at mosses adds a depth and intimacy to knowing the for- est. Walking in the woods, and discerning the presence of a species from fifty paces away, just by its color, connects me strongly to the place. That certain green, the way it catches the light, gives away its identity, like recognizing the walk of a friend before you can see their face. Just as you can pick out the voice of a loved one in the tumult of a noisy room, or spot your child's smile in a sea of faces"

"At a larger scale, I encounter these layers of air every spring. on the first mild day in April, our beautiful kites that have been hanging draped with cobwebs on the porch all winter rustle in the breeze and remind us of blue sky. So, we take them out to play in the boundary layer. In our sheltered valley, the breezes are seldom strong enough to immediately catch the big dragon kites that the kids and I love. So we run crazily back and forth over the back pasture, dodging cow pies and trying to generate enough wind to carry the kite upward, Close to the surface of the earth, the winds are too slow to support the kites weight. They are trapped, beyond the reach of the breeze. Only when our mad dashes loft one of the kites up to escape the layer of still air does it pull and dance on the string. Its wild pitches and threatened crashes show that it has ascended into the turbulent zone. And then at last, the kite's string pulls taut and the red and yellow dragon sails into the freely moving air above. Kites were made for the airy zone of laminar flow; mosses were made for the boundary layer."

"As their name suggests, waterbears are reliant on the abundant moisture held in the interstitial spaces of a moss clump. They cross between plants on fragile bridges of water, spanning the capillary spaces in the moss. A typical place I go to look for them is in a moss with deeply concave leaves. The tiny pool of water held in a spoon- shaped leaf is the perfect resting place for a waterbear, as plump and gelatinous as a candy Gummi Bear. The moisture in a moss mat is as vital to the moss as it is to the waterbear. But, since mosses are non- vascular, their water content fluctuates with the amount of water in the environment. The moss leaves shrivel and contort as water evapo- rates, leaving them crisp and dry. The waterbears, too, simply shrink when desiccated to as little as one-eighth of their size, forming barrel- shaped miniatures of themselves called tuns."

"Neither the moss nor the waterbear is damaged in the process of desiccation. In this state of suspended animation, they are invulner. able to extremes of temperature or other environmental stresses. The moment that fresh water becomes available, as dew or a welcome rain shower, the waterbear and the moss soak up the water and swell back to their normal size and shape. Within twenty minutes, the moss and the waterbear, in perfect synchrony, resume their normal activities."

"Waterbears were the subject of intense experimentation to test the limits of their endurance. In their dry state, they were subject to conditions that would kill any known organism: boiling, being held in a vacuum only o.oo8 degrees above absolute zero. But, without fail, they tolerated these abuses and were revivified with a drop of water. The addition of water unlocks the chemistry of life by a mechanism that is still largely unknown, but utilized by mosses and waterbears every day.After 35 years of lively debate and experimentation, it is generally agreed that life does not cease in anabiotic organisms, but continues at a barely perceptible rate. Sophisticated technologies are required to document the infinitesimal rate of metabolism, which permits life to be suspended indefinitely. The process that allows these beings to hover or the boundary between life and death is still a profound mystery that is continually played out in the mosses beneath our feet."

"The Intermediate Disturbance Hypothesis has been verified in a host of other ecosvstems: prairies, rivers, coral reefs, and forests. The pattern it reveals is at the core of the Forest Service's policy on fire. Fire suppression with Smokey Bear's vigilance produced a disturbance frequency which was too low and the forests became a monocultural tinderbox. Too high a fire frequency left only a few scrubby species. But like Goldilocks and the Three Bears (one must have been Smokey himself), there is a fire frequency which is just right,' and here diversity abounds. Creation of a mosaic of patches by mid-frequency burning creates wildlife habitat and maintains forest health, while fire suppression does not."

"A forest's resilience after disturbance lies in its diverse composition. A whole suite of species is adapted to disturbance gaps of different types. Black cherry comes in to intermediate-size gaps where the soil has been exposed, hickory into small gaps on rocky soils, pine after fires, striped maple after disease. The landscape is like a partially completed jigsaw puzzle in varying shades of green, where holes in the landscape can be filled with one particular piece and no other. This pattern of forest organization known as 'gap dynamics' is known in forests around the world, from the Amazon to the Adirondacks. There is something reassuring about these patterns which speak of order and harmony in the way things work. But what if the forest is composed of 'trees' only a centimeter tall? Are the same dynamics of gap creation and colonization also played out at a micro-scale? Do the rules for assembling the jigsaw puzzle of a landscape also apply to mosses? Part of the fascination of working with mosses is the chance to see if and when the ecological rules of the large transcend the boundaries of scale and still illuminate the behavior of the smallest beings. It is a search for order, a desire for a glimpse of the threads that hold the world together."

"perhaps you' ve noticed that chipmunks, in their busy- nes, rarely run on the ground. Instead, you see them following the twisted path formed by rocks, by stumps and wood, like the don't touch the ground games we used to play as kids. They use logs as highways through the forest. For days, we sat quietly watching chipmunks travel along our D flagellare-covered logs. Each was traversed many times a day as the chipmunks moved between feeding places and the safety of the burrow. They run with a start and a stop, sporadically putting on the brakes to do a bright-eyed check for predators. We noticed that when they came to a halt little bits of moss were kicked up from the surface, like gravel spun out by a hard-braking car. It seems that the chipmunks in their workaday lives were making the small gaps we found in the moss turf, like potholes in a roadway. And with each traverse they regularly deliv- ered a sprinkle of D. flagellare propagules from their toes. Here was the missing puzzle piece. So this was why D. flagellare was found only on top of logs. Only where chipmunks run back and forth making oppor- tunities for a small moss to live. How amazing to live in such a world where order arises from the seeming coincidence of the smallest things. In time, the wind-thrown trees become mossy logs and the after math of the storm is a tapestry of mosses on a log, mirroring the same dynamics that shaped the forest around it. Aspen seeds flying in the wind of a tree-throwing gale create a new forest. Tetraphis spores spread green over a landslide gap on the side of a log. Yellow birch quietly takes its place in a single tree gap, while D. fagellare fills small patches on a log top. There is a home for everything, the puzzle pieces slip into place, cach part essential to the whole. The same cycle of disturbance and regeneration, the same story of resilience, is played out at a minute scale, a tale of the interwoven fates of mosses, fungi and the footfalls of chipmunks."

"We tend to devalue the flora of cities as a depauperate collection of stragglers, arising de novo with the relatively recent development of cities. In fact, the urban cliff hypothesis suggests that the association between humans and these species may be ancient, dating from our pre-Neanderthal days when we both took refuge in cave and cliff dwellings. In creating cities, we have incorporated design elements of the cliff habitat and our companions have followed."

"You've probably walked over millions of Bryum without ever real- ting it, for it is the quintessential moss of sidewalk cracks. After a rain, or a hosing down by a sanitation worker, water lingers in the tiny canyon of a fissure in the pavement. Mingling with the nutrients provided by the flotsam of pedestrians, the crack becomes ideal for Silvery Bryum. It takes its name from the burnished silver color of the dry plants. Each tiny round leaf, less than a millimeter long, is fringed with silky white hairs, visible with a magnifying glass. The shiny hairs reflect away the sun and protect the plant from drying. Under the right conditions, the pearly plants will put up a host of sporophytes to cast their young into the aerial plankton, so that a New York Bryum could easily end up in Hong Kong. However, the much more common toute for dispersal is by footsteps. Bryum shoots are fragile at their tips and in fact are designed to break off. The broken tips, scuffed along by a pedestrian, will take hold in another sidewalk, spreading Silvery Bryum all over the city, The native habitat of B. argenteum"

"Another tenet of indigenous plant knowledge is that we can learn, plant's use by where it occurs. For example, it's well known that a medicinal plant frequently occurs in the vicinity of the source of the illness. There's nothing in Jeannies' telling that negates the scientific explanation. It expands the question beyond how coltsfoot lives beside the creek, to the question of why, crossing over a boundary where plant physiology cannot follow. The plant's purpose can be read through its place. I remember this when I'm tromping through the woods and mistakenly grab a vine of poison ivy to haul myself up a steep bank. I look immediately for its companion. Remarkable in its fidelity, jewelweed is growing in the same moist soil as the poison ivy. I crush the succulent stem between my palms with a satisfying crunch and a rush of juice, and wipe the antidote all over my hands. It detoxifies the poison ivy and prevents the rash from ever developing. So, if plants show us their uses by where they live, what is the mes- sage from mosses? I think of where they live, in bogs, along streambanks, and in the spray of the waterfalls where salmon jump. And if this weren't sign enough, they reveal their gifts every time it rains. Mosses have a natural affinity for water. Watch a moss, dry and crisp, swell with water after a thunderstorm. It's teaching its role, in language more direct and graceful than anything I've found in the library. Perhaps the limited information on mosses in nineteenth-century anthropology is rooted in the fact that most of the observers of indig- enous communities were upper-crust gentlemen. They focused their studies on what they could see. And what they could see was condi- tioned by the world they came from. Their notebooks bulged with records of the pursuits of men; hunting, fishing, and making tools."

"The conventional wisdom of anthropologists is that menstruating women were isolated from daily life because they were unclean. But this interpretation grew from the cultural assumptions of the anthro- pologists and not from indigenous women themselves, who tell a different story. Yurok women describe a time of meditation and speak of special mountain pools where only moontime women were permit- ted to bathe. Iroquois women tell that any prohibitions on women's activities in their moontime arose because women were at the height of their spiritual powers at this time, and the powerful flow of energy could disrupt the balance of energy around them. In some tribal people, menstrual seclusion was a time of spiritual purification and training, akin to the sweat-lodge training of men. Tucked among the objects in their huts must have been baskets of mosses, selected with great care for their purpose. It seems an inescapable conclusion that women were skilled observers of different moss species, knowing their texture and creating an intimate taxonomy long before Linnaeus. The good mis- sionary ladies must have grimaced in horror at this practice, but I think something was lost in the transition to boiled white rags."

"The people gather together to give thanks that the plants, the grand and the humble, have once again fulfilled their caregiving responsibili- ties to the people. Tobacco will be burned in their honor. In my culture, tobacco is a bringer of knowledge. I think it's also important that we honor the different paths that lead to knowledge, the teachers in the oral tradition, the teachers in the written tradition, and the teachers among the plants. It's the time we should also turn our thoughts to our own responsibilities. In the web of reciprocity, what is our special gift, our responsibility that we offer to the plants in return? Our ancient teachers tell us that the role of human beings is respect and stewardship. Our responsibility is to care for the plants and all the land in a way that honors life. We are taught that using a plant shows respect for its nature, and we use it in a way that allows it to continue bringing its gifts. The role of our sacred sage is to make thoughts visible to the Creator. We can learn from this teacher and live in such a way that our thoughts of respect and gratitude are also made visible to the world."

"I have no doubts of his sincerity in wishing to protect them from harm, once they con- formed to his landscape design. But I think you cannot own a thing and love it at the same time. Owning diminishes the innate sovereignty of a thing, enriching the possessor and reducing the possessed. If he truly loved mosses more than control, he would have left them alone and walked each day to see them. Barbara Kingsolver writes, It's going to take the most selfless kind of love to do right by what we cherish and give it the protection to flourish outside our possessive embrace: When the Owner looks at his garden, I wonder what he sees. Per- haps not beings at all, only works of art as lifeless as the silenced drum in his gallery. I suspect that the true identities of mosses are invisible to him and yet he wanted authenticity more than anything. He was willing to pay huge sums to have authentic moss communities at his doorstep where his guests might praise his vision. But in pos- sessing them, their authenticity is lost. Mosses have not chosen to be his companion, they have been bound."

"A specialized class of fungi, essential to forest function, also resides beneath the moss carpet of the soil. On the surface, scraggly turfs of Rhytidiadelphus and mops of Leucolepis cover the forest floor. Beneath them in the humus live the mycorrhizae, a group of fungi which live symbiotically with the roots of trees. The term literally means "fungus' (myco-) 'root' (-rhizae). The trees host these fungi, feeding them the sugars of photosynthesis. In return, the fungi extend their filamentous mycelium out into the soil to scavenge nutrients for the tree. The vigor of many trees is completely dependent on this con- genial relationship. It has recently been discovered that the density of mycorrhizae is significantly higher under a layer of mosses. Bare soil is far less hospitable to this partnership. The association of moss and mycorrhizae may be due to the even moisture and nutrient reservoir beneath the moss carpet."

"The patterns of reciprocity by which mosses bind together a forest community offer us a vision of what could be. They take only the little that they need and give back in abundance. Their presence sup- ports the lives of rivers and clouds, trees, birds, algae, and salaman- ders, while ours puts them at risk. Human-designed sys- tems are a far cry from this ongoing creation of ecosys- Frond of Hypnum imponens, common on mossy logs tem health, taking without giving back. Clear-cuts may meet the short-term desires of one species, but at the sac- rifice of the equally legitimate needs of mosses and murrelets, salmon and spruce. I hold tight to the vision that someday soon we will find the courage of self-restraint, the humility to live like mosses. On that day, when we rise to give thanks to the forest, we may hear the echo in return, the forest giving thanks to the people."

#book

0 notes

drwcn · 3 years

Text

follow up to [post] exploring the crack au if lwj was a girl

〒▽〒 ps im not trying to erase canon lwj representation, not at all, wangxian is mm in all my other fics, this is just stupid fun

in a ceteris paribus situation aka all other things staying equal:

1) Lan Wangji 100% still has a resting bitch face, which probably would get her a couple of “Lan-er-guniang 美若天仙 (beautiful as an immortal/goddess) but would benefit from smiling more” comments but nobody is that desperate to die yet so, she’s spared. But damn... imagine the sheer number of thirsty boys who’d try to secure a marriage with LWJ. None of them is good enough for Wangji as far as Lan Xichen is concerned. Okay - maybe in Lan Xichen’s opinion, Nie Mingjue is good enough, but he couldn’t be less interested. I see her as I see Huaisang, Xichen please.

2) Everything interaction between Lan Wangji and Wei Wuxian in Wei Wuxian’s first life is now 500% more scandalous.

Exhibit A) Their first meeting at the gates; Jiang Cheng immediately felt his spidey senses tingling. —“You’d sooner have immortals flying out of your ass than get with someone like her. The second jade of Gusu? The pearl in old man Lan’s eyes? C’mon.” —“Shut up, A-Cheng.” —“Uh-huh.” —“Also, she’s not that pretty. Her brother Zewu-jun is much better. There’s a reason he’s ranked first.” WWX is still a disaster bi. — “LMAO, you? Zewu-jun? Please.”

Exhibit B) Just because LWJ is a girl does not mean WWX grew more brain cells.

WWX, straight up to Lan Qiren’s face, “Lan-meimei and I - we’re zhiji.” (he means it like we’re kindred spirits, peas of a pod, etc) LWJ: *does not deny* Lan Xichen: ⚆_⚆ Lan Qiren: ಠ╭╮ಠ

Exhibit C) Lan Wangji getting drunk the first time. Wei Wuxian knew he crossed a line the minute he invited Lan-er-guniang for a drink. Really, WWX, even for you, this is inappropriate. When Lan Wangji fell face first onto the table, Wei Wuxian knew, he fucked up. “Hey....hey...Lan....Lan...-er-guniang,” He poked her. “Don’t...don’t sleep here! You can’t sleep here! If your Uncle finds out or if Jiang-shushu finds out...they’ll skin me alive and then...and then they’ll make me marry you! I don’t want to marry you; you don’t talk and I’m too young!”

WWX, being a dipshit, “Hey Lan Zhan, call me Wei-gege.” LWJ, drunk as fuck, “Wei..gege.” WWX *((( heart )))* ???

Exhibit D) The Cold Pond. Okay, so I don’t think Zewu-jun would sabotage his sister’s virtue by sending a stupid teenage boy her way while she’s bathing, but doesn’t mean Su She is above all that. Wei “I didn’t see anything I swear!” Wuxian. Lan “I will gouge out your eyes.” Wangji. Somehow they still end up in the cave. Maybe WWX got in the water after LWJ got out and got sucked into the vortex and LWJ heard the commotion, turned around, saw WWX had disappeared. “Wei Ying?!” A panicked LWJ jumps back into the pond, “Stop fooling around, come out!”

Jiang Cheng and Wen Qing 👀👀 when LWJ and WWX fall out of the cave together. Also the fact that Lan-er-guniang and Wei-gongzi went missing, together, for two days. Who knows what could’ve happened. I mean anything really. I mean... that’s gotta stir the pot a little were it not for the Yin Iron stealing everyone’s attention away from this bit of juicy scandal.

Oh the whole story... so much to work with, so little time.

3) Because Lan Wangji is a girl, now suddenly there’s a high ranking member of the Lan Clan who can host the girls at Cloud Recesses. I mean, Mianmian, Jiang Yanli, Wen Qing, Lan Wangji - SISTERLY FRIENDSHIP. Other than Mianmian, none of the girls are really talkers which suits Lan Wangji perfectly. Even Mianmian’s chatter is endearing.

4) Lan Wangji is absolutely still a powerhouse during the Sunshot Campaign. The inherent aesthetics of fem!lwj telling the Wen goons to “kneel” - no one will deprive me of this. Also she will still cut off your arm if you cross her - Xue Yang and Jin Guangyao ya better watch out still.

I am TORN between two options: Lan Wangji tol and kickass or Lan Wangji smol and kickass. On one hand, the aesthetics of willowy elf-like LWJ, on the other hand, 5′2′’ of whoop ass who can and will throw an unconscious wwx over her shoulder firewoman-style and toll him to safety.

And amongst other things:

A) Lan Wangji still becomes Chief Cultivator, because excuse me who else is left to clean up this mess? Jiang “Short-fuse” Wanyin? Nie “I won’t do what I’m not intended to do” Huaisang? Jin “13 year-old” Ling? Or Sect Leader Yao? Technically, being a woman means that she was never Lan Xichen’s heir, but at the end of it, it’s not like Gusu Lan is left with a lot of choices. Just the poetic justice of Gusu Lan pleading for Lan Wangji to come back when she fully intends to 隐居山野 (retreat into the mountains) with the resurrected WWX.

Lan Wangji being Chief Cultivator would echo Lan Yi’s tenure and rectify the fact that Gusu Lan’s only female head of family “failed”. Lan Yi had to face a mountain of prejudice because she was woman; someone has to say “up yours” to that. A woman as not only the sect master of Gusu Lan but the Chief Cultivator? Love that for Gusu Lans. (⌐■_■) ☞ ☞

B) Because of ~ sexism ~ I wonder if Lan Wangji would get titled “Hanguang” at all even after the Sunshot Campaign. Even Lan Yi, the SL Lan of her time didn’t have a title. Chances are LWJ won’t either. (Note: Violet Spider is not a title, it’s a moniker). So — say after the way Lan Wangji is still just “Lan-er-guniang”, and she does not obtain the title “Han Guang” until after she leaves Cloud Recesses and become rogue. (srsly how did they come up with these titles in canon, did gusu lan just look at 21 year old lwj and be like yah he’s lord light bearer *cue trevor noah stand up joke* why do you call yourself “great” britain? isn’t that a bit presumptuous? shouldn’t you go around doing good things and then let other people come to the conclusion: oh britain look how great you are? same logic with lwj.)

Lan Wangji, a Jade of Gusu or a nameless rogue, still goes where trouble is, helping those who need it. After laying low for a year or two to heal, Lan Wangji began night hunting. Donned neck to ankle in white silk and tulle, and a weimao (wide brimmed veil hat) obscuring her face, she became known to the people as Hanguang Sanren, the lightbearing wanderer. Gusu’s highest power probably has some idea who she is - or at least they can guess - but the vast majority of people don’t.

C) Lan Sizhui raised by rogue Lan Wangji as his mum would be different. Still cultured, respectful, but definitely with an air of keeping others at arm’s length.

For instance, grown-up Sizhui running interference and saving a cohort of gentry disciples on joint hunts.

Jingyi: 这人谁呀？Who is this guy? Zizhen: 多谢兄台搭救之恩，小可看您眼生，敢问兄台尊姓大名，何门何派，改日当登门拜访. Many thanks for saving us. I don’t believe we’ve met, pray tell what is your name and sect, so we may visit at a later time to thank you for tonight. Sizhui: 在下无门无姓，单名思追。举手之劳不足挂齿，怎敢劳烦各位名门子弟答谢。My name is Sizhui, belonging to no family and to no sect. As for tonight - I only did what anyone would; it bears no mentioning and requires no thanks. Jin Ling: 你这人，看你工力不凡，想和你交个朋友，可你怎么遮遮掩掩的。Hey you, we see you’re a talented cultivator and want to make your acquaintance. Why are you so dodge-y? Zizhen：金陵 — Jing Ling - Sizhui: 若是有缘，还会相见。告辞。If it’s fated, we will meet again. Farewell.

Later: Jingyi: 思。追。思追谁？Si. Zhui. To recollect and long for whom? Sizhui: 母亲的一位故人. Someone from Mother’s past. Jingyi: 你父亲？...Your father? Sizhui: 我不知。I don’t know.

I thought about how cute it would be if sizhui and jin ling knew each other but guys...Jiang Cheng literally thinks he killed Sizhui’s biological father. Like he literally thinks he orphaned Sizhui before Sizhui is even born. And Lan Wangji would never accept anything from Jiang Wanyin, not that it would stop Jiang Wanyin from trying.

A package of books here, a new robe for Sizhui there. Lan Wangji doesn’t know how Jiang Cheng keeps finding her. She and Sizhui are nomadic.

D) The inevitable conversation after wwx is revived.

You know what would be funnier than Jiang Cheng thinking Sizhui is a wangxian baby is if Lan Qiren thinks Sizhui is a wangxian baby.

#cql #the untamed #wangxian #lan wangji #wei wuxian #lmao what is this #cql ficlet #corie fics #lwj fic #f!lwj

852 notes · View notes

alyssadeliv · 4 years

Text

The Forgotten One

First Previous

Chapter 3

Damian Al Ghul is the most beautiful baby Marianne has ever seen. Not that she’s seen a lot of newborns, but something inside of her knew no one would be as cute as her little brother. He was very tiny and that only encouraged her more than ever to protect him. Her mother thought it adorable, that if not training she was always at his side. Her grandfather thought it useful, like a bodyguard to protect his so expected heir. As a baby, he couldn’t do much yet, but she liked his company. It was rewarding to see him staring at her with those beautiful green eyes when she talked to him about her day.

They grew up together, so it was only natural that they would train together. Marianne loved it when they would train or fight together, it was another excuse to be around her baby brother. Since birth, he has always been very bright, and very skillful. He’s only seven when he is allowed a solo mission, and she remembers how she begged her mother to allow her to accompany him, just to make sure he’ll be alright. The punishment she received from her grandfather was enough for her to never ask again. But as Damian had proved more than capable to handle every kind of situation thrown his way, she wasn’t so anxious anymore when he would leave for missions. But that didn’t mean she didn’t worry.

Her mother and the guardians became more strict with her training after Damian was born, focusing more on fighting techniques rather than the knowledge of the Kwamis, that part she was already very knowledgeable about. And because of that increase in her abilities, she was allowed to train with her brother, when he was about six. In the beginning, their fight was never fair, with more years of experience, Marianne had an advantage. But as the years passed by, and Damian learned, it became more equal. When they fought together they were formidable, the synchrony and the precision of their movements was something fascinating to behold. You would think that because of their strong bond it would be difficult to actually hurt each other in a fight, but together they were ruthless, always pushing the other. They brought out the better in each other. Marianne could proudly say she taught Damian a lot, especially in the art of diversion and dagger fighting.

Living in the League meant that you could never be too careful, and trust was something it had to be earned. Relations were discouraged because they tended to make you weak. But for the siblings, having each other was their strength.

Even if both had their own room, it was common to find Damian sneaking to bunk with his sister or Marianne simply crashing at her brother’s bed after a taxing day of lessons. To everyone in the League, they didn’t have contact outside of training, and her grandfather made sure of that. He liked to call her his secret weapon, one that only his most trusted followers knew about. Being a very paranoid person, that trust revolved around 3 people, her mother, Sabine, and Master Fu. And she was sure that her master only knew about her because it was what created their alliance in the first place.

Like her, Damian wasn’t much better in the social department. He didn’t interact with kids his age, and all of his time was dedicated to perfect his skills. She was his one and only friends, but just like her, he wasn’t very good with words, yet she knew he adored her just as much as she did him. She was the heir to the Order of the Guardian and he the heir to the League of Assassins. They had duties to fulfill, expectations to reach, and people to please. It was hard, but at least they had each other.

Until they hadn’t.

She was sixteen and had just come from a long mission, all she wanted was to take a shower and curl into bed. This mission had been more taxing than normal, she was successful but it still took a lot from her. Ignoring her primal needs she made her way to the training grounds of the League, looking for her Master, to give him the mission report.

“Master” She greeted. Wang Fu had taught her so much, but she could see very clearly that her teacher was flawed. Even after years in this life, he had a very kind heart. He tended to be a very recluse, only interacting with people from the Order or the League if he had to. She was the only exception to this, from the years of training with him, she knew he had a soft spot for her. Most of the time he acted very naively, and that still bothers her thus this day. But where he was kind he was also very strict with her training. That’s why she always pushed herself, to prove to him that she was worthy of her birthright, to be the true wielder of a Miraculous.

It was already dark, and the League was quiet. Only the ones on duty would be awake, but it was common to find her Master meditating at all hours of the day at the Temple of the Miraculous. The temple was built by the order of her grandfather as a sign of good faith after the alliance between the two organizations was created, she spent most of her childhood there, reading the sacred tomes and connecting with her inner self.

“How was it?”

“Successful as always. I infiltrated the party without any problem and locating my target was easy. The tricky part was luring him out of the crowd. But I managed. Using the Chinese hairpin I infused the poison in his bloodstream, he was dead in a matter of minutes. The poison won’t leave any possible leads, and I obtained the information requested. I shall pass it to Grandfather at our morning meeting, he requested that you be present as well”

“Any witness?”

“No.”

“Very well… Go ahead and get some sleep. Tomorrow after our meeting you will be having another section of training with Lady Shiva, she was very pleased with your recent development.”

She bowed respectfully and started to make her way to the chambers. She could feel the sleep piercing through her, but she pushed it aside, she needed a bath before even thinking of going to bed.

She made it to the west wing of the League, where Damian opened the door after only two knocks, still in his sleeping clothes. At that time, she was the only one that would seek him out. He let her in without a word, and she immediately made her way into his bathroom. Being the Heir to the League comes with its perks. His room was bigger than hers and he had a bathroom all to himself. Compared to his room hers was rather simple, with a bed in the middle, a dresser, and a table with a chair. The Arabic aesthetic gave a stylish decoration to the plain room. His was more majestic, with a big bed with the most comfortable comforter she ever laid in and very well decorated. Only the best to the grandfather’s grandson.

She stripped and laid her weapons carefully on the counter. With empty thoughts, she enjoyed the warmth of the water on her skin, and only after washing her hair twice, she turned it off. Sometime during her shower, her brother had delivered some of her clothes. Because they alternated between their rooms, it was practical to just leave a couple of clothes in each other’s chambers, that way no matter when, they would always have something to wear. She left the bathroom only carrying two of her daggers, even in the comfort of her brother’s bedroom, she could never let her guards down. He was laying on the mattress, half-asleep, just waiting for her. As she neared the bed he lifted the covers to let her in. And as she laid there at his side, feeling the heat of his body near her, with one dagger on the side table and the other under her pillow, she felt at peace.

The peace was short-lived, however. She couldn’t tell for sure how long she had been asleep, but enough for her brain to be foggy. She bolted awake feeling another presence in the room. In one fluid movement, she grabbed her trusty dagger and went into action. She hit her target in one fluid movement.

“What’s going on?” Damian was also awake, with a sword in hand, staring wide-eyed at the body laid on the floor.

“Get ready.” And with that they both started to prepare themself, gathering their weapons and changing into more appropriate clothes. In a matter of minutes, they were ready. Before they exit the bedroom, she turns to her brother.

“Take it.” She hands him one of her daggers. It’s from a set, her favorite. It was a birthday present from Damian. Two handmade daggers, one was white and the other was black, it had the Yin and Yang symbols carved in the handle. Representing the balance between creation and destruction. It was perfect for close attacks and throwing. He takes the black one without a fight, by now he understands the seriousness of the situation. With caution, they left the chambers. Now they could hear fighting happening in the background. She knew what she had to do, go to the temple, access information and from then try to create a strategic plan. Damian would come with her, without knowing what was going on, it was safer to continue together.

They reach the temple without any problem, but there’s when things got problematic. A group of three people advances on them, two men and one woman all wearing black and covering their faces. She immediately goes into attack mode. Diving from the oncoming sword, puncturing the man tight as he attacked her, she analyzes the situation, his wound which does little to stop him is heavily bleeding. Because of her size, she could tell he was underestimating her, so she used that in her advance. She let him come closer, giving him a false sense of security, allowing him to believe her to be inexperienced. His sword makes contact with her left arm, and a red flow of blood makes itself known. Following her plan, when he comes close enough she grabs onto his torso and using his body weight throws him onto the floor over her shoulder. Once he’s down she reaches the dagger strapped onto her thigh and stabs onto his chest. Immediately turning her attention to the other two attackers that went after Damian she throws the dagger at the back of the woman, momentarily distracting her brother’s opponent. Grave mistake. Damian disposes of him quickly after that. After getting back her weapon, they keep their pace.

Now they could see various members of the Order and the League fighting different opponents. The floor is coated in red, and in the distance, it is possible to see the beginning of some fires. Seeing her home being destroyed broke her heart but there was no time to grieve. On high alert, they arrived at the temple. They meet another group of black figures, not even thinking she immediately engages one of them.

She can’t tell how long that has been going on, she lost sight of Damian and their enemies just kept coming, there is no sign of Master Fu or the Miraculous Box, so she can only assume that he escaped without any problems. The other guardians are by her side, trying to overpower the attackers. In the distance, some explosions begin, shaking the foundation of the temple. Some stones start to fall, and immediately their opponents start to evacuate mid-fight. Based on that it is not difficult to reach a conclusion. Their target was the Order, they obviously planned to explode it to the ground.

“It’s a trap! We have to leave the Temple, it’s going to crash!” With no hesitation she starts looking for Damian, she needs to find him and get him somewhere safe. It’s pandemonium, people running and screaming orders. Some bleeding and some already dead. It’s practically impossible to see with the smoke that found its way in.

When she finally finds her brother, it’s almost too late, by now a lot of the foundation it’s destroyed, and they would be lucky if they get out in time. They start running, Damian ahead of her. They were almost at the entrance but something in her, maybe her instincts told her that they would not make it. Using the rest of her energy, she focuses on her inner strength, gathering a bit of magic in the palm of her hand. With one fluid movement, she pushes all she has into her brother.

The impact of her magic sends him flying out of the building, into safety, just in time to miss the pieces of the temple falling down.

“MARIANNE!”

It's the last thing she hears before she feels the weights falling onto her body. For some minutes she feels everything, the burning pain in every inch of her body and the shallow movements of her chest.

But for the moment that didn’t matter, she was tired, and she knew she could rest knowing her brother was safe.

“Ahbk ya akhi”

Hope you liked this new chapter, it was a bit longer than usual. I’m not very good at writting about fights, but I hope it wasn’t terrible. Let me know if you want to be added to the Tag List!

Taglist: @macncheesemonster @jumpingjoy82 @silversaphire12 @jinx-jade @swiftie-miraculer13 @greatcatblaze @megaafangirl @ramos123 @theamityislife @maskedpainter @toodaloo-kangaroo @nyx-in-line @ketchupqueenboiiii @iamabrownfox @lozzybowe @user00000003 @kashlyn @msshadows97 @ira-sairain @stackofrandomstuff @myazael @frieddonutsweets @asrainterstellar @our-preciousss @laurcad123 @nyaabinch @rverfades

264 notes · View notes

chipsfics · 4 years

Text

part 6 2/2

2/2 is finally here! sorry for the long wait!

rated: PG-13 for swearing and crying.

Down in the basement. It's dark, musty, and everything is still covered in cobwebs. Once Tissues flicks on the light, the only thing that changes is the "dark". His brain is buzzing with activity- What could go there, what could he put here? So much wasted space in the hotel- and he was 99% sure that nobody else had been down here in a long time. He had to try and avoid being suspicious- But he'd already pretty much failed when Trophy caught him tiptoeing down the stairs to the basement at 7pm on a Wednesday. He went over to the covered-up couches and the chair surrounding the television set and small table- He carefully lifted up the sheets as if they were going to fall apart like wet paper towels. Underneath, the couch was the same dull orange-ish color as the rest of the hotel's furniture- probably a spare put down here. The furniture was suprisingly in pretty good shape, although the covers were kicking up a lot of dust that made his nose itch. He stifled a sneeze. The TV was tiny and old, but still a flatscreen- Looked like from when Meeple HQ was just dipping into television production. The small, outdated meeple logo on the power button confirmed his suspicions.

He picked up the cord attached to the back of the TV and plugged it into the small, dusty, offwhite outlet. Surprisingly, the TV almost immediately turned on with a loud startup jingle that just about made Tissues jump out of his skin. He walked over and looked at the screen, which had the old Meeple logo spinning on it's screen as it tried to boot up. Once it finally finished the startup sequence, the screen was on an empty DVD selection menu. "Hm." Tissues scratched his head as he continued to explore the area. What else could he fit in there? And more importantly, how would he get it down the stairs?

Tissues sat down on the couch and a puff of dust fluffed out of the cushion. He sniffed... sniff... achoo-! Tissues sneezed. Tissues pulled out his phone and started to browse online for something to buy to fill the room- He had a little extra cash, because despite being eliminated first, he was still compensated for participating in II. That, and the lawsuit against Mephone that OJ pulled a while ago got him enough money to last for a long time. A minifridge, a new game console, a recliner... too many options! He wanted to make this basement space absolutely perfect.

The more he thought about how hard it'd be to order all of this stuff and not have OJ- or god forbid, Trophy- notice what he was up to was leaving him puzzled as well. Maybe he needed to call in some backup... Or just do all these activities at night (although that'd be even sketchier if he got caught.) In a moment of frenzied impulse, Tissues loaded everything he was pining after into his online shopping cart and purchased them all at once. He turned off his phone and rocked back into the couch, processing what he'd just done. It was a bad idea, he knew that, but something about it was so thrilling. His heart was pounding- It was like he was making the hotel into his home, cozy underneath the earth, exciting and secret and all his. He was giddy.

After that brief moment of happiness, Tissues paused as he realized something. Oops. How was he going to pull this off? He scratched his chin, and another lightbulb went off above his head. To find someone to help him... He went back up the stairs, clinging to the handrail as he tried not to look backwards- He /has/ to find a way to get up the stairs without having to scale them. Yinyang was, of course, busy that day (with some kind of... event? He didn't say), so his only option was... sigh.

Cheesy was in his usual spot- loudly unwrapping and eating fun sized candy bars on the couch, throwing the candy wrappers on the floor after he's done with them. Tissues waved to get his attention.

"Hey Tissues, what's up?" Cheesy said, and looked around. "Where's your boyfriend?"

"He's not my-" Tissues sighed. "And he's doing something today. Listen, Cheesy, would you be willing to help me with something?"

Cheesy narrowed his eyes. "Like what?"

"Something... against the house rules," Tissues said. "It involves snacks! And TV,"

"I'm interested," Cheesy said. "I'm always down to cause some trouble. What exactly are we talking about here?"

"So." Tissues looked around. "There's a place in the basement that's completely unused, and already has chairs and a couch and stuff, and i'm planning to fix it up into a kind of secret hangout spot?"

"Hmmm, interesting..." Cheesy nodded. "Sounds fun! But how're you gonna pull that off?"

"That's what I need you for," Tissues said. "I ordered a minifridge, some video games, and a couple other things that i absolutely can't carry down the stairs myself- That's where you come in."

Cheesy looked deep in thought for a couple seconds. "I'm in. But you have to let me hang out down there too,"

"Of course! Just don't tell anyone, ok? Especially OJ." Tissues said.

"No problemo, Tissues." Cheesy said, winking. "Until then, do you wanna play Space Bubble with me? I need a player 2 to complete this level."

"Seriously?" Tissues said. "You wanna play video games with me?"

"Sure, whynot. It's not a huge deal," Cheesy said. "You seem like a cool guy."

"Ah, really? sorry, ehehe, It's just that, people don't usually want to be around me... on purpose," Tissues said bashfully, smiling, and grabbed the second controller. In his head, he was wondering when Yinyang was getting back. This game would be really fun with 3 players...

----

The next morning, Yinyang was still nowhere to be found. It'd been like this a couple times before, and Tissues wasn't too worried- They were probably just sleeping in or taking an extra long shower or something. He figured he'd be able to catch up with him later. Although, the thought lingered in the back of his mind- something was wrong. Was it him? Did something bad happen to his friend? He pulled himself out of bed all at once, stumbling a bit and catching himself before he fell, sniffing and sighing. Down the elevator, no Yinyang. Into the kitchen, no Yinyang. Past the living room, Trophy was sitting in Yinyang's usual spot. Trophy sneered at him, but Tissues was too busy with too much on his mind to really care.

Tissues took a deep breath. Into the basement. It'll clear his head. Stairs, step, step, stumble- whoops, back on his feet and step, step step again. Flick on the lightswitch. Vision blurs a little bit. Stress or vertigo? Doesn't matter.

Someone was sitting on the old couch, twiddling his thumbs, looking upset.

"Yinyang?" Tissues said, and he jolted up and looked.

"Tissues," He said, his voice was shaky.

"What- uhh, What're you doing down here?" Tissues said, sounding concerned, walking over and sitting next to his friend. "Are you... alright?"

"Umm.." Yinyang shifted in his seat, getting more choked up. "I... well."

"It's okay, you don't have to talk about it if you don't want to." Tissues put his hand on Yinyang's, and he immediately melted into the gesture. "D-do you need a hug?" Tissues smiled sheepishly.

Yinyang wordlessly nodded and pulled Tissues closer into a soft embrace. He was shaking really bad. Clenching and unclenching his fists, gritting his teeth. Tissues pat him on the back. "Is there anything I can do to help..?"

Yinyang didn't respond. He was crying. They stayed in that hug for a long time before Yinyang stopped shaking.

Tissues pulled away, his eyes sparkling with sympathy. He pulled a tissue out from his head and handed it to Yinyang. "Here you- sniff.. go, buddy. Please feel better... It hurts my heart to see you cry."

Yinyang laughed. "You..." He sniffed, smiled, and wiped his face off. "Have to stop being so kind to me. I'll just end up disappointing you, or hurting you,"

"Wh.... no way..!" Tissues' eyes widened.. "I think- I... you're the only real friend I've ever had..! I love you and- and I really do care about you!" Tissues was getting choked up..

Yinyang laughed again, tears rolling down his face. "Dammit... this is what I'm talking about." Yinyang sniffed. "You're the only one who's ever cared about me, and it hurts- it hurts because I know that I won't ever be able to let you go." Something about Yinyang's voice was so sad.

"Stopp it- sniff, you're gonna make me cry too..!" Tissues wiped his nose, and paused for a moment... "and... sniff... You're gonna have to try really hard to get rid of me. I'm already imprinted on you like a baby duck you know like in the cartoons where-"

"Tissues, what the hell are you even talking about-?" Yinyang laughed. "You nerd...!" He punched Tissues on the shoulder.

"Aahhh, ahaha, oww.." Tissues smiled. There was a moment of silence. "Are you feeling any better... do you need to talk about anything else, i mean..?"

"ah.... Tissues." Yinyang sighed. "I'm so scared of scaring you away. But... there's something I need to tell you... I. How do I say this..." Yinyang took a deep breath, and seemed to have regained some of his composure.

"It's okay...! You can tell me anything..!" Tissues put a hand on Yinyang's shoulder, and he shivered.

"Tissues. I've never said this to anyone so ... i apologize if we mess up. But... I think I'm in love with you." Yinyang looked away in shame and embarrassment.

Tissues stared at him, wide-eyed, his face red. "W-wait. that's a funny coincidence, because.. Nobody has ever said that to me. Yinyang, I..."

"It's okay if you don't-" Yinyang sniffed, "Feel the same or, whatever. It's been forever since we were able to agree on anything, and it's kind of... terrifying. But i love you. We love you. And..."

"I love you too!!" Tissues stood up on the couch suddenly. "I was so worried you thought that I was hitting on you because I was and I was scared that you didn't like me like that and I just realized that i like liked you a couple days ago and-" Tissues rambled on and on...

"Shut up." Yang said. "Hey!" Yin scolded. "Now is not the time,"

Tissues laughed. "Sorryyy... I just got- really excited, and emotional, and I've never been in a situation like this and-..... just, wow. What does this mean? How does this work, are we like, boyfriends now?"

Yinyang blushed. "I dunno, probably. I'm too busy fighting with myself to learn how relationships work..." Yin laughed. "It's not... can we just... hang out down here for a little while...? I'm... still kind of processing. A lot of stuff."

"Of course..!" Tissues scooted up next to him and cuddled up to him. "I'm so scared, and happy, and worried, and sad, and just... emotional. Everything is changing."

"We're in it together," Yin grabbed Tissues' hand. "Thank you... for a lot. for everything," Yang added.

"I love you," Tissues smiled. "I love you too." Yinyang said.

Hotel OJ was a vague silhouette on the horizon when the sun finally set- millions and millions of uncertain years stretching before them, as inperceivable as the distance between stars.

#tissues #yinyang #inanimate insanity #ii #ii2 #tissyang #tissuyang #yissues #fanfic #fanfiction

47 notes · View notes

shanie-the-toyaddict · 3 years

Note

I would like to hear your Zowens headcanons and I will in turn share a few of mine with you.

WHEEEEEE

Ok, so I posted a list a couple weeks back that contained most of mine but I have added a few more in here in the meantime.

So, combined from that list and the new one, here goes...

Headcanons behind cut.

it’s a fine line between love and hate and they’ve been tap dancing on that line for so long it’s been trampled to oblivion

Kevin likes to think he doesn't need Sami in his life and that he would be just fine without him. He especially likes to forcefully repress all memories of the time between Sami's call-up and his own when he was proven painfully wrong.

Sami is loyal to a bloody fault and it’s why he keeps coming back for more.

Kevin is a huge grump. He has always been a grump and he will always be a grump even when he's trying to be nice. The only time he isn’t a grump is when Sami manages to chip away at his shell long enough to let Kev’s heart pour out and, when it does, it only pours out onto Sami.

The exception to this rule is when his heart is pouring out about Sami which is what led to heartfelt promos about missing his best friend and regretting his life choices.

As mithen put it, “Unbridled Obsession”. Fight Forever is in reference to exclusively THEM. Nobody else has or will ever matter.

The sheer magnitude of cosmic OOMPH surrounding them… I once described them as “A yin and yang yo-yo, spinning around each other endlessly while oscillating back and forth between friend and foe and being controlled by the red string of fate.”

Kevin struggles endlessly with his feelings about Sami. His brain and his heart can never seem to agree on where they stand but, in the end, his heart always wins be it for better or worse.

Meanwhile, Sami figured this shit out ages ago and lives in eternal wait for his better half to get it together. This is, again, why he always comes back.

The reason Sami has it figured out was because, despite his better judgement, he fell in love with Kevin almost immediately and decided he would wait as long as it took for Kevin to come around. He's still waiting and, even with his recent turn for the crazy, there's a part of him that he's tried so damn hard to destroy (and failed) that's still waiting.

However, despite figuring out his own feelings and wanting Kevin to reciprocate, Sami is damn near clueless when it comes to receiving the signals from Kevin about it. When the day comes that Sami figures out that Kevin does indeed love him back it will have involved a bullhorn, three billboards, half a dozen hallmark cards, a shouting match, bite marks, a punch in the face, copious amounts of aggressive kissing, and possibly a marriage proposal.

If cheap motel rooms had mouths, our guys would have filed a TON of NDAs by this point. What happens on the road, stays on the road.

That said, if said walls did have mouths and word got out, both Sami and Kevin would claim it meant nothing and was just a product of too much free testosterone and adrenaline in a small space (with only one bed).

They would both be lying.

You always hurt the one you love. [gestures at that recent backstage photograph of Sami’s back]

“I Love You” has no meaning at this point. They’ve said it so many times it’s just part of the script. “J'taime” on the other hand...

The aggressive cheek kissing was a compromise with Vince that replaced Kevin's desired lip locking. Little does Vince know that lip locking is second on their list of "romantic gestures" and that touching foreheads is infinitely more intimate to them.

On a related note, It’s not biting it’s a possessive kiss with teeth and it's number three on the list.

Kevin, for all his grumpiness, looks like an angel while he sleeps.

Sami, meanwhile, looks like an idiot and Kevin finds it both endearing and hilarious and has a ton of photos on his phone which he’s assured Sami he’s deleted (but hasn’t).

The shared selfies we've seen of Happy!Keven and Confused!Sami are just a small sample of the ones he's taken. It's one of Kevin's favorite pastimes to snap photos of Sami off guard and it pisses Sami off to no end. (Kevin doesn't care, he still has them all saved multiple places on his phone and cloud storage, to prevent Sami from breaking into his phone and deleting them.)

Speaking of breaking into phones, they've both given up on device security between the two of them. It doesn't matter what they change their passwords or swipe-locks to, they know each other too damn well for it to work. They've just come to an agreement to respect each others stuff as much as possible.

"As much as possible" does not include refraining from going on each other's social media accounts and going on blocking sprees.

Kevin did indeed stun L*gan P*ul because he hurt Sami and would do so again a million times if he had the chance. Nobody does that to Sami Zayn.

Nobody except Kevin Owens, of course.

Both men have foul mouths but for Kevin, it’s just words. He weaves cuss words in and out of his sentences like friggin punctuation marks. The only time they mean anything is when he gets into the sacre.

Sami, meanwhile, tends to go more for exclamations. He doesn’t pepper his speech with swearwords but, when he’s excited, he’ll go for the biguns in a heartbeat (see his MFER cry over his IC Title Win)

Sami has a penchant for petnames and nicknames. He's been known to full-name Kevin when he's pissed and when he is most angry, he doesn't bother using a name at all. Meanwhile, When Kevin is feeling kind towards Sami, he has a similar thing going on but it usually just involves spewing insults (that may or may not be meant affectionately).

Re: Above - “Idiot (affectionate)”, “Shithead (romantic)”, “Dumbass (soulmate)” and so on.

Kevin Owens has learned to appreciate a good Gyro for the sole purpose that it’s about the only thing he can stand on the menu of the Greek Cafés Sami always used to drag him too.

Kevin is a burger addict. One of the easiest ways to gain his affection is gifting him with a perfectly cooked bacon cheesburger.

One time, one dark, DARK day, he let Sami get the food from the burger joint. He was horrified to discover (immediately, upon the first bite) that Sami had gotten him an impossible burger to try and convince him they tasted the same. Kevin was not happy at ALL and Sami was forced to clean up the mess in the car while Kevin went and got a real cheesburger.

One of the biggest reasons they have remained close for so long is that, long ago, they both decided that the car radio remains OFF. Anything else leads to screaming matches and possibly auto accidents.

If those ridiculous Hallmark movies my mom watches are correct and there is such a thing as a Godwink, then the Montreal Screwjob was God winking so damn hard he nearly blinded himself in one eye.

Kevin secretly loves both Sami’s long hair and his dancing but the world will end before he ever admits either.

Similarly, Sami finds it adorable how Kevin's beard is starting to turn grey but knows better than to say word one about it.

Both men are bi but Kevin is way, WAY more bi than Sami. Like, Sami is straight with a side of Kevinsexual. Kevin is much more… open in his attractions; his heart belongs to Sami but he has never been afraid to mess around with other men as well.

Due to Sami's otherwise straight nature, he's managed to do a really good job lately of convincing himself that he never cared about Kevin in the first place and that his hatred is well placed... you know, like a liar.

Kevin Owens Steen is too violent for his own good. Violence is his primary means of communication and it's how he expresses himself in all things. This is a big reason that he is so hurtful towards Sami, even when he is trying to help him. He doesn't know anything else. There is a reason so many of his kisses come with teeth (as mentioned above).

This is also why... um... er... in the times where they did hook up, Kevin was the one in control. He would never willingly let Sami pin him in the ring why the hell would he let Sami pin him... uh... elsewhere.

That said, if there were anyone who Kevin would be open to a change in position with, it would be Sami. As long as Sami knows full well who's driving the car, Kevin's up for relinquishing control of the radio for a night.

Overall, Kevin Owens and Sami Zayn are both the best and worst things to happen to each other. The best because, for better or for worse, they drive each other to put their all in everything. They bring out the star in each other time and time again and neither one of them would have ever made it to the stage without the other.

They are the worst thing to happen to each other because... well, have you MET them? Enough said.

Sorry this list is so long. I have a ton of thoughts about these two and if I don't wrap this up now, the list will only get longer.

#Zowens #Headcanons

8 notes · View notes

moon-yeongjun · 3 years

Text

Cat Got Your Tongue? || Moon Princess + Ting-Ting

Summary: On the morning of September 22, Jun races off to Ting-Ting’s in search of a solution to his little furry problem.

@princess-haru-chan

@princess-ting-ting

@moon-yeongtae

JUN: Jun was a cat.

Unfortunately, this fact had not changed during the frantic drive from the Moon Farm into town. Jun did not suddenly wake from this horrible nightmare to find himself hungover from last night’s Chuseok celebrations with a cough in his throat, rather than a hairball. But no! Instead he sat in Haru’s lap the entire way into town, though he took every opportunity there was a bump in the road to dig his claws into her thighs. Just a little revenge, though naturally he blamed his brother’s terrible (illegal!!!) driving.

And so he arrived at the Qins house as a cat. Yes, in one piece, but maybe getting run over would have been preferable.

Kidding.

Maybe.

It depended on how this early morning emergency magical consult went.

And it was early. Unfortunately, it wasn’t even 7 am yet, and Jun’s phone was probably under the couch somewhere ( he hoped? Honestly, where had his clothes gone?! Would Eomma find them and think the worst?) so they hadn’t been able to ring Ting-Ting beforehand. Jun just had to hope for the best-- namely, that she was a morning person, who saw this kind of thing (spontaneously cursed into the form of a cat) a lot.

So Jun leaped from Haru’s lap as soon as the truck’s door was open and dashed to the front of Ting-Ting’s house. “Hurry up, hurry up!” he hissed at both Haru and Tae as they clambered out too. Tae reached down to pick Jun up, but Jun bat his hand away. “Think about it and die!” he hissed.

Haru just rolled her eyes and then reached forward to knock on the door persistently, until it opened.

Instantly, Jun meowed first, despite how pointless an effort this was. “Ting-Ting, ah, thank god it’s you! Oh, we apologize for coming so early, but I need your help! Tell her, tell her!”

HARU: Haru wasn’t a cat, but she sure wished she was.

If she was a cat, she wouldn’t have claw marks in her thighs and she wouldn’t have to worry about translating for a very grumpy Jun-cat so humans could understand him. That was maybe the worst part of this whole thing so far because Jun-cat wasn’t a very nice cat. He hissed a lot, used his claws, and was not above using his teeth.

Haru tried for a bit, asking Tae to slow down and watch how he was taking corners, but every time Haru translated something, Tae would look down at Jun and smile at him which made Jun more angry and ended up hurting her legs even more. She stopped translating around the time Jun started threatening to never let Tae drive again and didn’t pick up again until Ting-Ting opened the door.

“Hello,” Haru said, shushing Jun-cat as he batted at her ankles. “I don’t know if you remember me but--”

“Jun-hyung is a cat!” Tae blurted, covering up his giggle with his hand. Haru wasn’t sure when he went from anxious and worried to thinking the whole thing was funny, but she supposed laughing was better than hyperventilating.

She turned and looked back at Ting-Ting.

“He’s not wrong,” she said. “This is Jun.” Haru gestured at the handsome black cat currently hissing at her. “He wants me to tell you he would really appreciate any help you can give him.”

Haru offered Ting-Ting an apologetic smile. “Sorry if we woke you.”

TING-TING:

Ting-Ting would like to say that she was up bright and early, but the truth was, she was actually fast asleep when the doorbell rang. At first she thought it was part of her dream (and it was a very good dream, actually, where she was a character in Dragon Age and — okay, that was besides the point), but then it rang again, and again, and finally Ting-Ting realized that oh, someone was at her door before 7 am and maybe it was serious.

Blinking away sleep, she grabbed a robe and made her way to the door, hoping that Mei and Su were still asleep.

She had no idea who it could be, but she certainly wasn’t expecting a hissing, spitting cat. She certainly wasn’t expecting Jun’s brother to blurt out that the cat was Jun. Slowly, she blinked. She looked at the woman, who she’d definitely seen around at Moon Market, but could not remember the name of, then looked at the cat.

“Oh my God,” said Ting, and she opened the door wider.

Immediately there was a bark. Key came sprinting down the stairs, her tail wagging furiously, as she caught the scent of a cat. Tiptoeing behind Key was Princess Kevin, who meowed curiously, but remained a safe distance away from Jun the Cat. Ting did her best to block off Key with her leg, while still ushering her guests in.

“Sorry it’s a bit of a menagerie in here,” she apologized. “Uh — sit down, please. I’m gonna make some tea so I don’t look like a total zombie.”

“Ting-Ting!” This was Mu Hou, calling from upstairs. “What’s going on?”

“Just some friends!” said Ting, as loud as she could while not being too loud. “Please don’t wake Mei and Su.”

Key barked. Kevin meowed. MuHou came sliding down the rain of the stairway. Ting wanted to bury her face in a pillow.

Instead, she put the kettle on, then sat down on the couch.

“So… why don’t we start at the beginning? How did … this happen?”

JUN: The relief Jun felt when he saw Ting-Ting lasted approximately… mmm… maybe seven seconds.

And then there was barking.

Every instinct in Jun’s cat-body reacted before his human brain. Because in his perspective: the dog was big, bigger than him, and coming straight for him.

He shrieked. It sounded like a yowl. And without warning, he launched himself up his brother’s leg, scrambling until a flustered Tae finally collected him in his arms, wincing and complaining as soon as Jun’s claws dug through his shirt. Jun could not be blamed for this! There was a massive dog and a strange cat and too many scents! He shivered in fright, never feeling more vulnerable as he did right now. Oh, the privilege of having two legs and standing up right! He missed it, needed to be a human again the way he was supposed to be!

Jun was therefore carried into Ting-Ting’s house and as soon as Tae and Haru sat down, Jun hopped off Tae’s lap but stayed squished at his brother’s side. His eyes tracked onto the loud dog and his ears flattened. If it got so much as one step closer to him…

Was that a monkey?! “What the hell?!” Jun hissed.

Oh, this was so overwhelming!

The best thing to do was get through it as quickly as he could. So as soon as Ting-Ting sat down, he meowed toward Haru. “Well! You should know, you’re the reason I’m like this! Tell her about your… your… cat magic ways!”

“Cat magic?” meowed the cat.

Wait, Jun could understand that? His ears perked and then he groaned, putting a paw up to his face. It was too early in the morning for this.

HARU: Haru wasn’t exactly sure what she was supposed to say. It was hard to think with Jun meowing loudly at her one second and practically yowling the next. Ting-Ting had always seemed very nice when she came into the market, but Jun should know better than most people that it was hard to tell random strangers your life story! Haru had been keeping the cat thing secret so long (mainly because of Jun!) that having him hiss at her to tell Ting-Ting was a little disorienting.

Sure, she knew they’d come here for help, but what if Ting-Ting couldn’t help them? What if Haru told Ting-Ting all about her home and how she was actually a cat and then Ting-Ting simply said she didn’t believe her and kicked them out of her apartment?

Ugh!

“Hush, Jun! I can’t think with you hissing at me all the time. Gosh you’re so whiny as a cat.”

With pink cheeks, Haru turned her attention back to the woman across from her.

“So, um, he said I should tell you how this happened to him, but I don’t actually know. He thinks, and he’s probably right,” she added while looking back over at Jun where he was squished against Tae, “that it has something to do with me being a cat.”

Haru blinked and continued, avoiding Ting-Ting’s gaze. “I, um, I actually come from somewhere else. I think it’s really weird like, portals are involved and everyone where I come from is a cat. I’m actually a princess, my country is called Nihon and I sort of miss it but Swynlake is really nice too and Jun has been so helpful and sweet and…” Haru trailed off, realizing she was rambling. “I don’t know how this happened to him, but I really hope you can help him. Do you think you can?”

TING-TING:

On one hand, Ting-Ting was very flattered that Jun kept coming to her for magical help but on the other hand he kept coming to her with increasingly complicated situations — honestly, she wondered how the heck he managed to get himself caught up in all of this? People taking on other’s appearances?! A world of cats?!

She wondered if there could be use in going to Reza — this seemed like a curse, if she had to guess. Though it didn’t seem malevolent… more like an accident if anything. But transmutations and transformations were absolutely out of Ting’s wheelhouse and honestly, all things considered Jun-as-cat’s internal Yin-Yang balance was pretty fine. Well, at the very least she could probably try to restore his power of speech, but…

She listened as best as she could, trying to formulate some sort of actionable plan — literally anything, when Mu Hou spoke.

“Oh dear,” said Mu Hou. She hobbled into the kitchen, lifting the whistling kettle off the stove and said nothing else.

Ting whipped her head around.

“You only say that when you know more than you’re letting on,” she scolded. “What is it?”

At her feet, Key rested her head, never once taking her eyes off Jun. Kevin aloofly kept his distance, but tilted a head in their direction every so often.

Mu Hou tsked her tongue, as she prepared the tea tray.

“You’re going to have to go back home, dear,” she said, not to Ting, but to Haru. She walked over, setting the tray down on the coffee table. “The only way to reverse this is to return to Nihon — this is a magic that won’t be undone here. I mean, theoretically, it could since — “

“There is in theory a spell for anything,” recited Ting, rolling her eyes a little.

“Yes, but it might take years to decipher. Your best bet, sir,” and here, Mu Hou addressed Jun, “is to go back with this young woman and find someone to remove the spell. They’ll know how to do it there. It’s pretty standard.” She hummed to herself and poured some tea. “But Ting can at least give you your voice back, if you’d like — isn’t that right?”

“Oh yes,” said Ting, standing up. “I can prep the spell for that if you don’t mind waiting a bit.”

JUN: Wait wait wait. This monkey said what?

First of all, Jun was quite unsatisfied with Haru’s explanation. It left out most of the important facts in his opinion! Like--

Well, actually, Jun did not know. For the first time, he realized his own squeamishness when it came to magic had meant that he’d never really asked Haru how she had become human in the first place, or why she’d come to Swynlake, or any of that. He’d just… well, he’d put it out of his mind completely. But surely she had to know much more about these things, at least the piece where she ended up in Swynlake! Yes, she was running away from a marriage, but why here? And how? Did she steal a, a charm, or could she open up portals herself, or what?!

There were missing pieces of this conversation that made Jun even more uncomfortable than he was. Miss Monkey’s confident diagnosis hardly did anything but make him more dismayed.

So while Ting-Ting stood up to at least give him his human voice back-- thank god!-- he glanced from Haru to Mu Hou and back again. At least they both could understand him.

“That makes no sense! Why are you so sure we have to go back to Nihon?” Jun demanded of Mu Hou. “And you!” This, to Haru. “You never explained to me how you even got here, eh! That seems relevant to this conversation, don’t you think? What kind of magic have you been hiding this entire time?”

TAE: As far as holidays went, this Chuseok was probably one of the more memorable ones. It wasn’t every day that his hyung’s girlfriend woke him up to tell him that his hyung was actually a cat and by the way so was she, you know? In fact, as the little cat form of his hyung snuggled up against his side, shying away from the other animals in the room, Tae was still struggling to wrap his mind around the whole thing. As far as he knew, Haru was related to someone at church! That’s why she’d been around so much. That was obviously a lie.

Now Tae was sitting in a room with talking monkeys and a girl who could understand his hyung when he yowled at her in cat and honestly he was going to have to talk to Jun as soon as all of this blew over--have a chat about telling lies and dating magick cat-girls like some anime or something.

Actually--Tae laughed from his spot on the couch, his fingers petting over Jun-cat’s back absentmindedly--and then blushed when they all looked at him. They were clearly having some sort of serious conversation that he could only hear half of and he’d interrupted them, but it was just so funny. His hyung was living an anime! He couldn’t wait to tell Nemo--well, as soon as the whole thing blew over and it wasn’t a giant secret anymore--but he was literally dating a cat-girl and then got turned into a cat!

“Sorry, I just--” he said to the room. “I was just thinking about something funny, don’t mind me.”

Haru cleared her throat beside him and he turned to look at her. He still really liked her, cat-girl or not. She was good for his hyung. He’d paid attention. He’d noticed Jun smile at her and let himself have a little fun when she was around. He really hoped Jun didn’t hate her too much for this.

“It’s not my magic,” Haru said, basically out of nowhere, though Tae was sure she was answering Jun’s meows. Heh. Cute.

“Back home we have a sorceress, Purrseph--she was kind of like a mother to me sometimes. I liked to follow her around, ask questions about what she was doing and she let me. I think she--well, I think she liked me more than my own family did sometimes, but that’s not important.” Haru’s eyes got a little shiny and Tae felt his heart twinge. He could understand that. Not that his family didn’t like him, but there was that fear of rejection--being scared of being tossed aside. He reached over and patted her arm.

Haru smiled at him and kept going.

“She told me she’d figured out a way for me to be happy when I came to her. She said she knew I didn’t want to get married to that stupid cat and that I was going to come to her so she’d been working on it. She said it would send me somewhere where I’d find that happiness and only when I found it would I be able to come back so I had to be sure.”

Haru’s cheeks were super red and Tae looked from her to Jun then smiled.

“Aww, hyung, you made her happy!”

“I think it was your whole family, Tae,” Haru said. “You all were so kind and welcoming and I just--I felt really at home with you. So thank you.”

MU HOU:

While Ting-Ting busied herself with the spell components — muttering a quick apology before dashing upstairs to the landing to collect all the reagents — Mu Hou pursed her lips, listening to the chatter of the cat-girl and the boy-cat (they were different, you see, for one was a cat turned girl and the other was a boy turned cat).

“Ah, I see,” said Mu Hou, with an understanding sigh. “I would’ve done the same for my girls. Well, perhaps not the same — but once I had them switch bodies to teach them a lesson. We mother-figures have to get creative sometimes, you know, otherwise a lesson won’t stick.”

She figured Haru would understand — animals often went about their ways in more indirect manners than humans. Part of it was not always being able to communicate in the same way, but Mu Hou found that those lessons stuck more when the people had to figure it out on their own.

“I’m back!” called Ting-Ting, darting down the stairs. “So so sorry — somehow we do have all the reagents, which is great, so they're all bubbling together right now and — “

“You’ll have to journey to the cat kingdom,” repeated Mu Hou. “I bet this Purrseph put a specific lock on the spell that only she can break. Complicated, yes, but lots of sorcererers will put failsafes on these sorts of things — especially when they come from the heart.”

She smiled at Haru, then looked fondly at Jun.

“It might seem… unconventional, but I have a feeling you will come out of this with something valuable.”

“Oh, please don’t tell me this is like those cookies,” moaned Ting, who scrunched up her nose. “That was a nightmare.”

“And you learned!” said Mu Hou. “Now — fetch that spell and help poor Jun find his voice again at the very least.”

Ting did as she was told — she always did — and soon enough, the spell was assembled and handed over to Haru in a little vial.

“Uh, he can lap it up using a little saucer?” offered Ting.

JUN: Ah, yes. A cat sorcerer. If there were a cat kingdom, and a cat princess, why wouldn’t there be a cat sorcerer? Though the more Haru explained, the more Jun wished she didn’t because of what it all implied--

Haru had been happy.

Apparently, Jun was this way because Haru was happy. He was supposed to fill in for this strange cat prince, and go rule a kingdom or something, like this was a strange faerytale about kissing frogs. If Jun had skin, he would be red from the tip of his ears to the tip of his nose. Did this mean that Haru actually like-liked him?

Yah, what was he, a fourteen-year-old?! Thinking things about ‘like-liking’ someone! He really needed to get out of this cat body, it was frying his brain!

(Though he couldn’t ignore that he’d had similar thoughts last night. But it wasn’t so much a feeling, was it? No butterflies at all. He and Haru had been perfectly comfortable with each other and that’s why Jun thought all those maybes. Maybe dating her for real wouldn’t be awful….maybe she’d be a good mother, a good wife, one day… maybe maybe maybe…

This was his fault too.

He’d never admit it!)

Instead, he leapt off the couch and padded toward the saucer. At least he could stop this high-pitched mewling! Jun lapped up the potion quickly, which wasn’t difficult because it was actually quite delicious. Then, blinking, he looked around at Mu Hou and Haru and Tae and finally Ting-Ting. “Well, I don’t feel any different. How do I know it’s work-- my voice!” Jun exclaimed. He could hear it this time, his words! His voice was back!

“Ah, thank you so much Ting-Ting! You have no idea how grateful I am. I promise, I’ll find a way to pay my gratitude.” He bowed...as a cat. Several times.

Though the main problem wasn’t fixed. But apparently… they had to go to Nihon for that.

He glanced at Haru. “Come, Haru, Tae-yah. We should er, let Ting-Ting get back to her morning. I’m sure she’s very busy.”

#para #moon princess #junting #moon bros

3 notes · View notes

redantsunderneath · 4 years

Text

On Analysis, Aside 1 - Duality

“If you're studying geology, which is all facts, as soon as you get out of school you forget it all, but philosophy you remember just enough to screw you up for the rest of your life.” - Steve Martin

In college, I was a physics major with a minor in math and philosophy, but I really walked away from this stuff when I went to med school/got married (Luthor from the Warriors voice, “I was busy”). The one part I couldn’t shake from all those all nighters was phenomenology. I was kind of obsessed with the hard problem a decade before before it was called that and dwelling on Descartes and my hate boner for George Santayana lingered through the salad days. I started thinking about the question as one of the relationship between (I wasn’t really tuned in to the proper language of this) subject and object. This wound up being helpful to me in understanding film, notably “late Lynch” (all David Lynch directed work from the roadhouse/killer reveal scene in the Lonely Hears episode of Twin Peaks on) in which the abjection of the subject in relation to a state of “objecthood” is a reliable motif. More on this later.

This has some superficial homology to physics, notably the measurement problem in quantum mechanics and whether the thing itself is “actualized” by “observance.” This is not quite right, and physicists will stab me, but it was quite popular in pop physics books of my undergrad time, e.g. the Dancing Wu Li Masters and the Tao of Physics. This is not solipsism but, rather, elevating consciousness to at least an equal partner in bringing reality (whatever that is) into existence, the other partner being some pretty based equations which define a waveform determining probability.

It wasn’t till Tumblr woke me up to physics again (remember, in the late 80s when I was in physics they didn’t have inflation yet and they taught off of calculus and linear algebra, so I was not only behind the curve I was flat out wrong about many things, and I don’t like being wrong on the internet) that I started to learn about group theory and how to construct the standard model mathematically. The thing that struck me off the bat is the way all the math is non-commutative. In all of these constructions, you build things like spinors with building blocks of asymmetrical math - it matters, when two of the basic terms interact ,who is doing what to whom. Yeah, there’s the S word.

The metaphor of symmetry breaking is powerful. That the nature of the big bang is some perfectly symmetrical situation that begins immediately to break down due to energy decrease/entropy into sub symmetries until we get (waves around) this but that interact to form space, time, matter, etc because they are asymmetrical to each other. This is powerful in a first 4 chapters of Genesis way: from in the beginning down to Cain and Abel it’s all about divisions into 2 with natures in opposition. What haunts my mind, though, is the recapitulation of this idea, the idea of broken symmetry, of directed relationships of from/to manifested as an emergent feature at all levels of study.

Bohm’s idea of implicate order, that there is unmanifested order handed down from more fundamental to emergent structures, that can “come out” in the right circumstances, applies to a seemingly foundational asymmetric relationship between dyads that results in a surprisingly durable pattern of duality at all levels, that of the organizing actor and the mercurial acted upon: Boson/fermion, heavens/earth, light/dark, conscious/subconscious, Yin/Yang, subject/object, masculine/feminine (the properties), left/right brain, all the MBTIs, mind/world, order/chaos, etc. This type of configuration will come up a lot in the subsequent posts. It’s more complicated, sure - the dots in that Yin/Yang symbol indicate an undercurrent in these relationships, an instability in the polarity. This containing of the opposite is significant for construction of the self and has an almost mythic connotation that we will see in the coming material on Jung.

The verb part of what happens looks a lot like Hegel’s dialectic. Thesis meets antithesis coming through the rye and produces antithesis. A subject beholds an object or a relation and constitutes it, iteratively. We will talk about this more when we take off into narrative art specifically (see upcoming structure posts). This could be considered the rudimentary structural grammar of the universe, and specifically of art and story. The basic math determines emergent structures that recapitulate a sense of lopsided relationships that reflect a broken balance, and impetus for unbalanced action (mental or physical) that attempts to restore a whole but instead leaves a remainder.

There is a gap, a separateness that creates a tension, and an action to relieve this (although ultimate “solution” is not possible because demiurge) and a satisfaction but renewal of the gap. If there is no gap, there is no tension, and there is no life, no existence, no interest. But the gap is painful, we want the gap bridged, the tension released. Well being, happiness, whatever, is this constant encountering and closure of gaps, often an ugly process even when we achieve it. But there must always be another gap. On some level we know this, and the attempt to organize it under logos is the great motivator in all areas of human striving, though the object of this study is just there in everything we are and do all the time.

What does this have to do with art and story? We’ll try to get there.

10 notes · View notes

zilabee · 4 years

Text

Quotes by Ruth McCartney: (published in her mum’s book, My Long and Winding Road)

This completely unremarkable set of circumstances [Paul and John’s first meeting] would lead to an alliance, that although in-sanguineous, would ultimately disprove the old adage, “blood’s thicker than water”. That may be, but shit’s thicker than blood. And these guys went through their fair share of shit together.

“The motherless boys certainly managed to find an anschauung - a way into each other’s souls, bosoms and brains, a way for one to discern the true nature of the other. Alike, yet different. Compatriots yet adversaries.”

“John and Paul were meant to meet, meant to create and one was designed to play sturm and drang to the other’s yin and yang.

One Romulus to the other’s Remus, Ladies and Gentlemen, The Nurk Twins, live without the aid of a net, ably backed up by their band The Oedipus Guilt Complex.”

Sturm und Drang, (German: “Storm and Stress”), German literary movement of the late 18th century that exalted nature, feeling, and human individualism and sought to overthrow the Enlightenment cult of Rationalism.

Yin and Yang,(”Dark Bright”) is a complex relational concept in Chinese culture that has developed over thousands of years. Briefly put, the meaning of yin and yang is that the universe is governed by a cosmic duality, sets of two opposing and complementing principles or cosmic energies that can be observed in nature.

Anschauung: the element in knowledge that is directly given in sense awareness, sense perception, or sense presentation : apprehension or immediate perception that involves fewest elements of rational insight.

(Say what you will about Ruth McCartney, but you couldn’t give John and Paul better names than ‘Storm Stress’ and ‘Dark Bright’. Like if I was writing them into a fantasy novel, that’s straight up their sword names and tells you everything you need to know about them in an instant.)

#Paul McCartney #John Lennon #Ruth McCartney #McLennon #john and paul #beatles books #jp #[]

53 notes · View notes

angelguk · 6 years

Text

» i wish i missed my ex - jungkook scenario

Jeon Jungkook - BTS

words - 18k

genre - college!au, friends to lovers!au, fakeboyfriend!au, fluff if you squint real real hard, smut, angst i think(?),slowburn

warnings - alcohol consumption / oral sex (fem receiving) / dom!jjk / edging / vulgar language / crazy exes?? (it’s not what u think) / attemped sexual assault - not in detail

soundtracks - mahalia, i wish i missed my ex / summer walker, girls need love / sam smith ft normani, dancing with a stranger

A familiar series of pings emitted from your phone, breaking through the peaceful slumber you’d slipped into. Weekends were the only days you could sleep in and therefore you really cherished the moments were you hid underneath the warmth of your blankets and ignored the world. So, rightfully, your eyes snapped open with a disgruntled groan floating from your lips, a wave of irritation hitting your still sleeping brain. You reached out for the device, hand slapping at the bedside table in vain until your fingers wrapped themselves around the cool metal of your phone.

Seven messages from your ex awaited your gaze. Sunghoon had a tendency to call when you ignored his messages for long but you couldn’t be bothered to read through them right at this moment.

With a groan of annoyance, you tossed the phone onto the bed covers and crawled right back into the cocoon of warmth you’d formed. He really didn’t get the hint that you didn’t want to speak to him anymore, did he?

It took a total of two minutes for you to fall right back asleep which was immediately interrupted by blaring sound of your phone ringing. Without a glance at the screen, you grabbed it and hit the answer button.

“What do you want?” The statement came out harsher than you intended, but he deserved it for calling you at ungodly hours on the weekend.

“Well sorry to wake you up, princess,” Responded a familiar voice that instantly dissipated the furnace of anger that had begun to burn within in your chest.

“Jungkook?” You asked, sneaking a peek at your phone.

“The one and only.” You could hear his shit-eating grin from here.

“Ugh! Why are calling at ass o’clock in the morning?”

“It’s ten, Y/N! It’s basically the afternoon.”

“Ten on a Saturday is equivalent to eight on a Monday, you dimwit.”

“Stop making excuses for your lazy habits. Get up – the early bird seizes the worm, don’t you know.”

“You’re probably in bed yourself. And I have nothing to do today so I want to stay in.”

“First of all, I’m sitting on my bed and I’ve gotten ready for the day, so you’re wrong there. Also, you do have shit to do, darling. Remember we have a get-together brunch in an hour at Roots and you have a shift at Yin & Yang.”

Shit. You had momentarily forgotten about the bi-weekly brunches you and the boys had scheduled in order to still spend some time together amongst the chaos of university life. No one had missed a single one and you didn’t want to be the first one to do so. Your job at the local café was also important and if you had missed a shift your manager would have had your head on a stake.

“Fuck, thank you! I would have forgotten my shift if it wasn’t for you, bro.”

“Only the shift?” He teased.

“How could I ever forget our legendary brunches? How bad of a friend do you think I am?” You said, lying through your teeth.

“I don’t know. I haven’t seen you in a while, and with the whole thing with Sunghoon-”

“Don’t please. It’s too early in the morning to bring up unpleasant things,” you whined, rolling out bed with difficulty.

“I know, but remember I’m here to talk about it. If you want to.” He responded, deep voice tender over the receiver.

You groaned in response, the memory of the texts you’d received earlier resurfacing. “Can we talk about this later? If I don’t get ready now then there’s no way I can make it to brunch on time.”

“Yeah, sure,” Came a hasty reply. You paused for a second, mildly thrown off by how quickly he agreed to brush it off, almost as if he was embarrassed that he’d asked in the first place.

“Jungk-”

“See you later, alright.” Before you could stop him, a forlorn dial tone met your ears.

♡

As you expected, you were the last one to arrive at Roots. You could hear them before you even saw them, Namjoon’s baritone voice colliding with Jin’s contagious laughter. You trotted towards the table, ignoring the eyes of loathing the servers at Roots gave you, a smile already settling on your face.

“The Queen herself has arrived,” announced Jimin as you squeezed yourself into the booth beside Taehyung and Namjoon. Your favorite seat beside the window had already been snatched up by Hoseok, who greeted you with a knowing bright smile, so you had to make do with being stuck between two massive men.

“I have to bless you mere mortals with my presence every once in a while,” You bantered back, “It’s part of my royal duties.”

“Glad you could spare the time, your majesty,” Snorted Taehyung. “Now we can finally order. I’m famished.”

You elbowed his ribs, feigning a stretch.

“AW! That hurt.”

Choosing to ignore him, you glanced at Jimin, “The usual Chimmy.”

“I thought we all agreed that nickname was banned,” He responded pouting, while waving down a vaguely irritated server. Your group was the loudest on the buzzy Saturday mornings but you justified it by buying half the menu for breakfast.

“When? Is this because Jeongyeon calls you that now? Your girlfriend can’t have it, we trademarked the nickname years ago,” Said Taehyung.

“Shut up before I tell them what Irene calls you in during sex.”

His dark brows went up, the statement catching the attention of everyone at the table.

“You wouldn’t,” There’s a dangerous tone to his deep voice, a glint of warning dancing in his brown eyes.

Jimin smiled, cocking his head. The sliver rings on his fingers glittered in the warmth of the sunlight, almost challenging Taehyung as he said, “Would I?”

“Okay, now you have to say it,” Interrupted Jungkook. You hadn’t glanced at him properly since you’d entered the restaurant but now his presence caught your full attention. He’d chosen an over-sized black hoodie to wear, rolled up to his elbows to reveal the rivers of cerulean blue that ran underneath his pale porcelain skin. He’d been stricter on his gym routine and it was clearly starting to show. But you were more distracted by the way his faded blue ripped jean clung to the muscles on his thighs, the fabric nearly ripping at the seams as it attempted to stretch itself over his thick legs.

“We already know it’s something kinky,” Interjected Yoongi, who’d been languidly observing the interaction between the two boys with a small smile of amusement of his face.

Taehyung face was a picture of bewilderment as he hurried to disprove Yoongi. “No! Hyung! I’m not like that!”

“Please, save the innocent act. I nearly had to burn my computer when I found your search history.”

“Where is this conversation going?” Interrupted Namjoon. “Have we even ordered yet? I would like to eat my meal without the images being suggested right now in my head.”

“Exactly! All of you need to go to church.”

“That reminds me of the pastor and nun role play you and Irene did last week,” Commented Jimin, a chuckle erupting from his lips.

A collective gasp of shock vibrated the table. Taehyung stumbled over his words to reject the idea that Jimin had thrown in your faces.

“Where’d you get a priest costume from?” Hoseok inquired, now as invested as everyone else. “Only Namjoon had one for last Halloween – oh.”

“Taehyung, please tell me you didn’t have sex in my Halloween costume.” The pain was evident in Namjoon’s voice and you couldn’t help but stifle your laughter as you watched the ashamed glance Taehyung sent his elder.

“Well, technically, I took it off before we-”

“Taehyung!”

You dissolved into a fit of laughter, along with everyone else apart from Namjoon, who looked as if someone had shit right on his favourite pair of shoes and Taehyung, who was blatantly ignoring Namjoon’s disgusted gaze.

“Can we please eat now? Where’s the food we ordered?” questioned Jin, who looked as tired as Namjoon did. Coincidentally, the servers began bringing out the regulars you’d ordered and within moments everyone had closed their mouths and focused on the array of food that had been dumped before them. You spared a glance at Jungkook as you tucked into the plate before you, a speckle of curiosity sparking in your mind as you recalled the phone call from this morning. Jungkook had never backed down from a potential argument with you, he found it amusing to push you and you found it satisfying to prove him wrong. Yet, for some reason he’d backed right off when you told him to. It was out of character and it was making you feel strange.

And all because of your ex-boyfriend too. You didn’t have any feelings left harbouring for him but you and Sunghoon had been together for a fairly long time. Maybe that was why he had cheated. But by that time you didn’t even care anymore, it just gave you an excuse to walk away from him forever.

It was as if Sunghoon could tell you had briefly thought about him because your phone went off again. You glanced at the screen, finding a simple question mark from Sunghoon joining the plethora of texts from this morning that you had pointedly ignored. Hoseok must have noticed the flicker of annoyance that went across your face because he asked, “Who was that, Y/N?”

“Sunghoon,” You replied, his name leaving a bitter taste on your tongue. A collective groan sprung from the boys around you, apart from Jungkook who abruptly stopped stuffing his face.

“He’s still texting you?” Asked Namjoon, concern on his warm features melting your heart.

“Hasn’t gotten the message that I’m over him yet. He’s been texting me like crazy and it’s starting to get on my nerves,” You responded, grabbing the cell phone. “Might as well see what the hell he wants.”

It was as if everyone else was holding in their breath as you opened up your notifications, eyes skimming through the messages he had sent you. The first few were pathetic, focused on asking if you were alright and if you had eaten, but the next ones caught you attention.

“He invited me to a party.” The confusion you felt was clear in your voice and when you glanced up, your friends surprised facial expressions matched your own.

“What? Man, Sunghoon is one weird person,” Murmured Hoseok.

“I don’t know, maybe he’s trying to rebuild your friendship? Look at the bright side perhaps?” Remarked Jin.

“Close your mouth, hyung,” Interjected Jungkook. “I don’t think Sunghoon wants to mend the relationship, he’s a jerk after all.” There was a hint of irritation colouring his voice that you nearly missed.

You read over the message again, a feeling of hope blooming in your chest. Even if you could never be close friends with Sunghoon again, you were open to perhaps mending the relationship you had – hating him took too much of your energy and you were over given him a room in your heart, even if it was filled with hate. “I don’t know, maybe Jin’s right. I might go for this thing.”

“If you’re going, then we’re going with you,” Came a stiff response from Jungkook.

You shot him a curious glance but it was immediately disrupted by Yoongi adding, “Won’t Jiyeon be there? She’s close with that scumbag.”

“Why would that be a point of concern? She’s Jungkook’s girlfriend,” You responded. Didn’t Yoongi already know this?

The curious glances that met your own made you feel unsettled.

“Jungkook, you haven’t told her yet?”

“What? What happened?”

Before Jungkook could say anything to you Taehyung answered for him, “Jungkook dumped Jiyeon like last week.”

“No. What the hell? Jungkook I thought you loved her?” Your surprisement was hard to contain.

“People change and so do feelings, Y/N,” Came his tired response. “It’s a long story.”

“Well then start telling it. We have all morning.”

♡

It was past eleven when you pulled up to Sunghoon’s house, Hwasa, your best-friend, in tow. The doors and windows of his home vibrated in time with the bass of the song playing through the building, the sounds of laughter and chatting melting into the thick melody. People were scattered along the entrance, chugging beers and laughing, faces illuminated by the rays of warm amber street lights. You couldn’t make out anyone you really knew outside, so you decided to walk into the building, wrapping your black leather jacket tightly around your frame. The endless loud thrumming of music greeted your ears, deafening inside the house. Hwasa shot you a look of distaste as she stumbled in behind you, clearly irritated by the loud obnoxious music. Coupled with the stench of weed coming from somewhere in the house, this was not Hwasa’s idle type of party. You didn’t mind it but even things like having to watch people basically fuck each other with their clothes on as you stumbled through the house was distasteful. You still hadn’t spotted Sunghoon.

The frown on Hwasa’s features immediately melted away when she noticed a familiar face that made both of you feel comfortable in this atmosphere. “Y/N! HWASA!” Yelled Hoseok from a couch across the room. He stumbled over to the two of over, evidently already intoxicated by the way his legs struggled to keep him steady as he walked. “Y’all are late!”

“Late,” Scoffed Hwasa, pulling Hoseok into a warm hug. “We’re not late – party doesn’t start until we arrive Hobi.”

He grinned at the two of you, a smile lighting up his red-tinted face. “Fair enough. The rest of the guys are at the back by the pool. Sunghoon is loaded as hell. You should have married his ass and then filed for divorce, Y/N.”

You rolled your eyes, sidestepping Hwasa and Hoseok who had become attached at the hip. “Sorry to disappoint you but I can and will make my own money, Hoseok.” He didn’t even bother to give you a reply, mouth already whispering jokes into your best friend’s neck. It was clear that Hwasa and Hobi we going to disappear together the moment you walked away so you shot a knowing wink and moved towards the pool area, as directed by Hoseok.

You had always known Sunghoon came from a wealthy family. He never hesitated to offer to pay for something, though you often adamantly refused, and he was quick to shower you in material gifts. But you didn’t date him because of his hefty pocket, at some point in your life you actually liked Sunghoon, his smile, his stupid jokes and his adorable cockiness. You would have stayed with him, but being who he was, he really had to ruin everything you had built together by sleeping with some first year girl. At first you were hurt because of being cheated on, but then your emotions began to be fuelled by other telling you that you needed to be hurt and at Sunghoon was trash or what he did. You didn’t disagree with those points but after a month, you were over hating him with every fibre of your being. Sunghoon had messed up but he had also given you a chance to dodge a bullet that could have destroyed you if you allowed yourself it get even more invested into the relationship. So you were excited for tonight, hopeful that Sunghoon and you could move on from the event that had marred both your histories and work towards a neutral relationship. You hadn’t been labelled a strategic diplomatic by your friends for no reason.

Said friends had overtaken the chairs beside the pool, a game of beer pong already set up. Everyone was there apart from two people, Taehyung and Jungkook. With a second glance you spotted Taehyung with his sliver mane in a tight embrace with Irene, a bile of disgust rising within as the memory from this morning’s brunch conversation resurfacing. You quickly averted your gaze from the couple, locking eyes with Namjoon who shared your grimace of pain.

“I had to go home and burn that costume,” He sadly stated as you plopped down beside him. He handed you his cup filled with chased vodka.

“Sorry about that. Taehyung is a piece of work,” You replied, glancing at the contents with distaste. “What is this shit? I want it straight Joon.”

He gave you a weary gaze. “Remember the last time you took a bunch of shots straight and you ended up regurgitating your entire stomach.”

You flinched as the memory of puking your guts out resurfaced. That had probably been the worst night of your life. So you shut your mouth and chugged the remainder of the drink, the failure warmth of alcohol slipping down your throat dampened by the flavour of grape juice.

“You’re really going to sit there and drink chased shit the whole night?” Questioned an incredulous Jimin, who already had a tight grip on a bottle of Jameson’s.

“Some of us like having working livers, Chimmy,” Retorted Yoongi, who was drinking something similar to yours.

“This is free alcohol. I repeat, free. So why not just drink everything and regret it tomorrow,” He replied.

You glanced at Namjoon, mouth parched and already craving more liquor. You wouldn’t consider yourself a seasoned alcoholic like Jimin but once you started drinking you always wanted to drink more, and the fact that Namjoon was chasing all your drinks was making you feel like a child who had her mother chaperoning her at a party.

“Jimin’s right. This is free, might as well drink what I like. Where’s the barcadi and tequila?” You asked, feeling the disdain of Namjoon and Yoongi burning into the side of your head.

“Do I have to remind you how badly that turned out last time again?” His frustration was evident in his voice.

“Relax,” You replied, hitting his arm gently. “I’ll pace myself.”

“I told Jungkook to grab the barcadi for the game like ten minutes ago, I have no idea where that boy went,” Jimin commented, swishing the remainder of the liquid in his bottle idly.

“I thought we all agreed to only play beer pong with vodka, because oh you know, taking clean shots of barcadi will fuck you up faster than Taehyung and Irene will get naked on the couch right there,” Namjoon retorted, his gaze getting increasingly concerned.

“Bold of you to assume that vodka won’t get me just as fucked up, hyung,” Retorted Jimin, who was looking more inhabited by the second.

“I think you might need to take a break, hyung.” Jungkook’s familiar voice rang from behind you. The twist you did to meet his face caused you a mild form of whiplash but it immediately rewarded when your eyes fell upon his broad chest, covered with a thin white shirt. Your eyes trailed upwards, finding a glittering sheen of sweat coating his tan skin, probably from being inside the warm building. His mission to get alcohol was fruitful because he was clutching a bottle of Bacardi in his grip, causing rivulets of blood vessels to casually rise to surface, resting beneath his soft skin.

For some reason you were beginning to be overly aware of his presence. And it was beginning to bother you. You swiftly averted you gaze, forcing your eyes to lock on the empty cup in your hands. But you could still feel the warmth of his presence as he brushed past your seated figure, plopping himself beside Yoongi. Maybe that wave of warmth wasn’t coming from him, it was probably just coming from the alcohol sitting in your gut. Right? Right.

“Jungkook, leave me alone. I’m perfectly capable of handling my shit,” Jimin snapped back. His reply was followed by him taking a generous swing from the nearly empty bottle in his hands.

“You want to mix whiskey and rum? Are you asking for alcohol poisoning?” Yoongi commented, his tone filled with disdain.

“I’m asking for a good time,” Jimin replied indignant. “Something you clearly don’t know how to have.”

“If you vomit, you’re cleaning yourself up,” Yoongi retorted, getting up from his couch. “I’m going to go hang out with some sane people. Bye.”

The three of you watched him leave, you were vaguely perplexed because a majority of the time Yoongi would join Jimin’s alcoholic antics. You turned to Namjoon, eyebrows raised in question to find a knowing smile on his face.

“He’s going to find some girl he’s been talking to. It’s kind of cute,” Namjoon stated.

“Blah, blah, everyone is getting some tonight apart from me and all of you so we might as well just drink ourselves shitless,” Jimin interrupted, abruptly getting up to the grab the bottle Jungkook was indolently holding. “Shots, anyone?”

♡

Maybe being around Jimin with alcohol in the mix was bad for your health. Actually, it was detrimental to your health and that was proven by the fact that you’d just spent fifteen minutes puking your guts out in a bathroom. Luckily, you had felt it coming before you had chucked your dinner all over yourself in the middle of the party.

You forced yourself off the porcelain floors, vision as wobbly as your knees and stumbled towards the sick to clean your mouth. A couple of vigorous rinses go rid of most of the smell and taste of Bacardi rising back up your throat but you could still taste the bitter acrid flavour at the back of your throat.

It was probably time for you to leave.

Hwasa had already disappeared with Hoseok and you’d lost most of the boys after Jimin and shoved a good portion of rum down your throat.

So your wiped your mouth and cleaned up the minor mess you’d made in the bathroom, exiting with single thought of leaving Sunghoon’s house unscathed. The simple goal was proving to be harder to accomplish with every passing second.

You had reached the staircase that led downstairs when you stumbled right into him.

“Y/N? Shit, are you alright?” Sunghoon’s grip on your wrists was warm and familiar and you unknowingly leaned into it, weak body hoping for some sort of support.

“No. I’m really not. I was just about to leave so if you could call an Uber for me-”

“Come on. Let me give you something to change into,” He said, ignoring your simple request. Something in your stomach made you want to pull away but Sunghoon had already turned you're already and with a comforting had on the small of your back he was leading yours towards his bedroom.

The path was familiar, you’d been lead towards it often enough but with every heavy step you took a boulder of dread settled in your gut. It only worsened when you heard the definite click of a door shutting behind you.

“Sunghoon, I-”

“Here, sit down. Give me a second,” He said, sitting you down on his plush black comforter. The last time you were here it was a pastel blue. For some reason, the colour of his bed didn’t sit well with you and fuel to the flame of premonition burning in your chest.

A folded grey shirt was placed in your place accompanied with a soft smile on his face. “Do you need water or anything?” “No, no, I’m fine. Sunghoon, thank you but I really need to leave.”

“You could stay the night if you want. I don’t think it’s safe for you to be travelling alone in an Uber right now, Y/N,”

You paused, fingers digging into the cotton fabric of the shirt he’d given you. A swift glance in his direction instantly caused a turmoil of forewarning rose in your throat.

“Thank you but I’m leaving.”

Before you could hoist yourself off the bed, Sunghoon’s tight grip was yanking you back down.

“You never replied to my texts. Why didn’t you tell me you were coming?”

“I didn’t think I was going to come Sunghoon,” You carefully replied, your eyes flickering down to the pale hand wrapped tautly around your arm.

“But you changed your mind?”

“Yeah. Like I said, I should probably leave now.”

He ignored you, his grip loosening as it slid down your arm. His fingers entangled themselves around your wrist, gently grazing against your skin which suddenly felt cold and clammy.

“I haven’t seen you in a while and I just want to say something before you go Y/N.”

There’s a pause that makes you feel like you should just bolt out the door before he can continue speaking. Coupled with the rising waves of nausea, you weren’t ready to handle whatever he was about to spout out of his mouth.

“I’m really, really sorry for what happened. I-I never meant to do it or hurt you, Y/N. Really. I feel like shit every time I think about what happened.” He sounded remorseful but his apology was falling on deaf ears. You’d already moved on because by the time Sunghoon was sleeping around behind your back, you’d slowly fallen out of love with him. It still hurt when you found out but you’d pushed back the emotions a long time ago.

“It’s okay, Sunghoon. I’ve moved past it. You should too.”

“No, it isn’t-“

“Sunghoon, its fine. I’m over it and honestly, I really need to go home right now.” Another wave of nausea was clawing its way up your throat, threatening to spew itself all over Sunghoon’s clean sheets. You didn’t want to listen to another word from him because deep down you knew were this was going. He was acting remorseful to make you feel sympathy for him and then he was going to try and trap you back into his web of lies. You’d been through it before with your exes and you were tired of the act.

“At least let me drop you. It’s late,” He sharply retorted, a trace of irritation in his tone.

You whipped his hand off your body and jolted upright, the abrupt movement immediately causing your head to spin. Your head felt heavy and your feet were unstable as you stumbled towards the door.

“Bye, Sunghoon. I’ll show myself out.” Your hand had just touched the cool brass knob when a heavy pair of hands slammed down on your shoulders, pulling you right back into his hold with a force that knocked your breath right out of your chest.

“I never said you could leave.”

“GET OFF ME! FUCKING PSYCHOPATH!” Your words were accompanied with erratic thrashes of all your limbs; your feet kicked at his shins, elbows slamming into the ribs enclosing you. But Sunghoon held you tighter, twisting your figures away from the door as he pushed you towards the bed. The rhythm of your shoes banging against his wooden floorboards beat alongside the sound of your heart slamming against your chest.

You hit the bed hard, the weight of his body above your pressing you into the sheets. Your screams were muffled by the fabric falling into your open mouth but you’re still struggled against his firm grip, twisting and squirming away from him as much as you could. The sharp press of his knee against the back of your thighs halted most of your movements and within seconds he was squeezing your wrists together behind your back.

“Sunghoon, please stop. Get off me, please.”

Your plea went unheard because the hand not holding you down was slipping up the back of your shirt. Your throat tightened at the feeling his skin against yours and you tried to get away, only to receive a hard press of his knees onto your thighs.

The blood rushing in your ears blocked out the sound of the door softly opening.

“Sorry, but have you seen – GET OFF HER RIGHT NOW!”

The immense relief that washed through you as Sunghoon was hauled off your body was indescribable. It took you moment to put yourself together, lungs gulping in air as you pushed yourself upright. Your head still felt as if you’d taken a hammer to your skull but you steadied yourself, vaguely registering the sound of scuffle behind you.

You turned around to find Jungkook slamming Sunghoon’s head into the ground.

It bounced against the floorboards with a thud that echoed in your head. His hands were wrapped around Sunghoon’s neck and they were red with how tight he was holding him. It took you a moment to register that the choking sound was coming from Sunghoon.

“Jungkook! Stop!” You lunged forward, arms trying to pull Jungkook away from Sunghoon before he murdered him. “Jeon! Stop it!”

His eyes snapped towards you, dark with rage but his grip reluctantly loosened. In one swift motion he rose from the floor, taking the opportunity to kick Sunghoon in the gut. Without sparing a glance at your ex-boyfriend, Jungkook extended a hand towards you. You gingerly took it, rising as he supported your body. Without hesitating you feel into his warm, head burrowing itself into the soft fabric of his shirt.

You breathed in the familiar comforting scent of Jungkook as he led the both of you out of the room. But a comment from Sunghoon halted your tracks.

“So you’re fucking him now? I always knew you were. Fucking slut. You act like I was the only one cheating but everyone knew that you were sleeping with him the whole time too.”

Jungkook made a move to turn around, you could feel furnace of rage burning within his chest ad you wanted to let him go so he could pummel Sunghoon in the face but your fingers tightened onto his shirt, forming weak fists that gently pulled him back.

“Leave it. Please can we go? I feel like I’m going to-“

The world before you turned grainy, blurry spots of black flashing in your eyeballs as your knees buckled below you. You didn’t even register the flutter of your closing as collapsed right into Jungkook’s arms.

♡

Sunlight filtered through half open curtains, the warm rays landing right onto your face. You reluctantly cracked open your eyes, squinting in the glare of the morning sun. Your mind was still sleeping, a low thrum of a headache pulsing against your skull. But you were more focused on retreating underneath the sheets tucked around you. The bed you were in warm and soft, caressing your skin as you furrowed deeper into the sheets.

The first thing that you noticed was the taste of liquor and acid clinging to every crevice of your dry mouth. You swiftly glanced around the room, looking for the water bottle you usually stored near your bed. Your eyes never landed on the object, instead they shifted to the floor where you found a lone pair of black boxers crumpled on the bedroom floor.

Somebody shifted next to you.

You were instantly on high alert, careening away from the figure huddled next you as your eyes flashed around the room, trying to register to your location.

The underwear had just missed a laundry basket, which was adorned with a familiar looking pink plush but you couldn’t remember where it was from exactly. Across the room sat a brown desk, littered with papers and water bottles. Above the desk was an Over watch poster of Widowmaker. You only knew the character because it was Jungkook’s favourite-

“I know you’re awake.”

“Uh? Yes I am,” You replied, hastily pushing down the sheets you burrowed yourself in to find a wide eyed Jungkook observing you. His brown hair was tousled, as if his fingers had racked through the strands until the stood upright on their own accord. His skin looked pale and dry and even from here you could smell the faint lingering scent of alcohol.

What exactly happened last night?

Maybe he could see your mind wandering away because he dragged you right back, his tone careful as he asked, “Are you okay?”

“Yes? Why? What happened?” Your mind was searching through the records of the previous night, trying to link together the moment you lost consciousness and how the lead to you sleeping soundly in Jungkook’s bed. It didn’t seem like you’d done anything else but sleep because both your clothes were still clinging onto your sticky sweat covered skin. Unless, you’d put them back on?

“You,” He sounded incredulous, “You don’t remember last night.”

“Not entirely – oh. Oh.” Everything hit you at once.

“Fuck. Are you sure you’re alright?”

You stayed silent, reliving the feeling of Sunghoon holding you down with ease or how his head and neatly cracked against the wooden floorboards when Jungkook had shoved his head into the ground. Your heart was racing all over again and your hands felt clammy as you scrambled out the sheets, heading for the bathroom you knew you would find.

Vomiting on an empty stomach was unpleasant but you couldn’t stop yourself from violently retching into the toilet. You heard the patter of Jungkook’s bare feet hitting the floor as he followed you, watching silently as you ejected half your guts out.

You leaned back, steadying yourself against the porcelain toilet, your hands tremoring uncontrollably. For some reason, you wanted to laugh. Your tears were heavy behind your ears but they wouldn’t fall.

“Here, drink this.” A water bottle was nudged into your hands and when Jungkook realised you weren’t lifting it towards your mouth, his own fingers softly wrapped themselves around your shaking hands and pushed the bottle towards your dry lips.

“Rinse and spit it out,” He gently instructed, a hand coming to rest against your back.

The silence that followed was only broken when you got up, shaking Jungkook hand off your own and dumping the rest of its contents down your throat.

“Do you want to talk about?” He asked, trailing after your figure as you left the bathroom and wilted onto his bed.

“No. I really don’t.” Your voice sounded dead even to your own ears.

“At least report him or something,” Jungkook retorted, leaning against the bathroom of the doorway, a concerned frown marring his face.

“So they can do what? Tell me it was my fault for being in the room alone with him and incredibly drunk. Just leave it.”

His eyes narrowed at your bitter response, fits involuntarily curling up. “So you’re just going to act like never happened?”

“Yes.”

“You’re just going to let him walk away?”

“He never touched me-”

“But he hurt you, he held you down! Y/N, please if you don’t report it, I will.”

When you glanced up to meet his gaze the pure rage that burned behind his usually warm brown eyes caught you off guard. “Do whatever you want, Jungkook.”

“So you’re giving me permission to smash his face in the next time I see him.”

The statement made you crack a half-hearted smile but by the look on his face you knew he met it. The way his hands had wrapped themselves around Sunghoon’s neck drove shivers down your spine because you knew if you hadn’t pulled him off he might have killed him.

“Just don’t go to jail for manslaughter,” You tiredly replied.

“No promises.”

“How did you even find me last night?” You suddenly questioned, aware that if Jungkook hadn’t walked in at that moment things could have ended horribly.

His hand awkwardly rose to rub at his head, a tinge of rose tainting his cheeks. “I- Jimin said he saw you going to the bathroom and you looked really sick. I don’t know. I got worried so I went to look for you.”

“You got worried? About me?”

“You’re my friend, Y/N. Of course I got worried, everyone knows how low your tolerance is.”

You laughed, the sound feeling foreign in your hollow chest. “Uh, thanks though. For last night.” He’d unwittingly come to your rescue and he’d taken you home without thinking twice about it.

“Don’t mention it. I’d kill anyone for you, you know that right?” You didn’t miss the intensity that flickered across his eyes. And it warmed something in your heart.

“Yeah, I know,” You murmured back, suddenly interested in the navy fabric of his bed cover.

“There’s something you should know though,” Jungkook continued, shifting uneasily.

“What?”

“I had to carry you out last night and Sunghoon was screaming a bunch of shit. Everyone kind of heard and now most of the campus thinks we’re dating. Or having sex. Or something.”

You cocked your head curiously at him. “So what’s the problem with that? We know we’re not.”

He blushed, eyes landing on everything in the room but your figure. “Uh – I – Never mind.”

“Just say it.”

“I... I just thought that maybe we could use that to our advantage,” He sputtered out.

“How?”

“Well, neither of us are looking for a relationship right now, and maybe we could use the rumour to get our exes off our backs?” He suggested, still not looking at you. “You don’t have to say yes right now, maybe think about it? And it would be nice to have people back off on me right now so maybe you could help me out with that?”

“You want me to be your personal cockblock?” The idea sounded ridiculous even to you. “Jungkook we’re in college, just tell people no if you don’t want to sleep with them.”

“No! No. I don’t mean it like that,” He responded, moving to plop down the bed beside you. “I meant, maybe we could just fake date for a while until we’re ready to go into new relationships? You don’t want to be with anyone right now, right?” He turned to you, expectant. You nodded because you actually didn’t want to enter anything new with how messy your recent relationship had become. “See, exactly. I don’t want a new relationship right now too. So, we could just use this rumour to make people think we’re together and take our time to recover from our fucked up exes and then move on to other people.”

“You don’t think that’s even a little bit strange?”

“We don’t have to actually do couple stuff or make out. We just have to spend more time together. Is that a bad thing?”

You thought about for a second because he was right. But at the same time, you didn’t want to enter some false relationship just because you couldn’t get your ex to leave you alone.

In the distance your phone pinged.

“Maybe. I’ll think about it,” You replied, getting up to grab the device. When you clicked it open, a string of messages from Sunghoon awaited you. Your throat instantly tightened, a lump forming that had your choking. With quivering fingers you clicked through your contacts to block his number.

“I’ve changed my mind,” You quietly said, catching Jungkook’s attention. “Let’s date.”

♡

The coffee singed your lip, still scalding hot. You ignored, pushing past the burn to swallow the contents of the cup that Jungkook had just placed before you. He was seated across from you, hair neatly styled in waves that contrasted greatly with the messy bed hair you’d had the privilege of seeing earlier. His face looked brighter after your conversation you’d had this morning and the warm glow that caressed his cheek added to the effect.

You still felt a little odd from last night and it didn’t he that you were currently wearing Jungkook’s shirt. The fabric was extremely soft against your skin. You knew he had a sensitivity for fabrics but for some reason that fact that you knew the shirt belonged to him made your skin prickle. He’d offered you his shower, a change of clothes and free coffee. Jungkook had always been generous when it came to you but something about this made you feel off.

“Is it okay?” He gently inquired.

“Yeah, it's fine.” The coffee tasted slightly worse than what you were used to. Working at the local campus café had made you coffee tastes persnickety. But it helped soothe the headache that had appeared as a result of last night’s shenanigans.

He smiled, rose lips curving warmly. “Still can’t compare to Y&Y?”

“I’m loyal to my people, Jeon,” You retorted, fingers toying with the white napkin that had accompanied the coffee. “So, what exactly are we going to do?” Maybe that was causing the unnecessary amount of nerves that were wrecking through your body. You’d landed in a situation that you never thought could happen and the uncertainty of its consequences was eating away at you.

“We don’t have to do anything in particular,” He responded, voice feathery as if he was afraid of saying something that would hurt you. “Maybe, just go out together sometimes. Alone. Are you okay with that?”

“We spend a shit ton of time together already, Jungkook,” You said pensively. “People are going to see right through it if we don’t do something romantic.”

“Maybe you could wear my sweaters? I mean you’re already wearing my clothes right now.”

You rolled your eyes. “What about grand gestures? Something sweet and sentimental that will surely knock your ‘‘girlfriend’’ off her feet?”

“I’m not buying you flowers - unless you want some,” He hastily responded.

“Do me a favor and by my food instead,” You replied nonchalantly, sparing a glance at the café doors as it tinkled open.

Your day was just about to get worse.

Jungkook didn’t notice you watching the girl that just came in, a sour look spoiling her beautiful features as her eyes shot all around the café as if she was looking for someone. When they landed on you, you hadn’t anticipated the glare of pure loathing that she gave you. You’d know Jiyeon briefly due to her relationship with your friend but she was always placated and sweet, you’d never seen this side of her and quite frankly you were terrified.

Jungkook kept on talking, still oblivious to the furious stomps of his ex as she made her way to your table in the corner. But he was quickly pulled from his thoughts when she grabbed at his shoulder, sharp nails digging into a shirt and surely making a mark on his skin.

“Hey, baby. I’ve been looking for you,” Her voice was saccharine sweet but it made you watch to gag. It seemed poisonous as it permeated the once calm air that was electrified with tense in her presence. “We need to talk,” Her eyes flickered in your direction, narrowed as if she was willing your existence out her vision.

“No. We don’t need to. We’ve spoken enough,” Jungkook responded, voice clipped as he pried her claws of his shoulder. “I told you to stop calling me that. We’re not together Jiyeon.”

“You’re leaving me to go sleep with that whore?” She sounded hysterical but you had no sympathy for her. Instead, you wanted to take the nearest sharp object and jab into her delirious skull.

“Who are you again?” You asked, voice blasé, eyebrows raised.

“His girlfriend, bitch.”

“Ex-girlfriend,” You calmly snipped back. “I’m his girlfriend now.” You relished in the way her skin flushed with rage, ignoring the smug look that Jungkook’s face had adopted as he gazed at you. For some reason acting like this was surprisingly easy.

“You’re sleeping with everyone in that squad. You’re not him, you’re just a slut that he’ll dump soon. Jungkook always comes back to me,” Her voice was rising by the second, capturing the attention of oblivious patrons. In your peripheral vision, you could see an employee and a manager whispering together as they watched your table with growing concern.

“Jiyeon, shut up. We’ve been over long enough and you need to get over it.”

You’d never heard Jungkook sound so harsh, and for a moment when her face crumpled in dejection, you felt pity for her. But when your eyes met, you could see the anger flaring within her and you could tell something unpleasant was about to happen.

The hand of an employee pulling her away and requesting her to leave halted those course of events in their path. But even as she marched away, her eyes stayed on you.

“I think I may need a bodyguard soon,” You commented.

“I’m your bodyguard now. If she touches you just tell me.” Jungkook seemed unfazed, fingers tapping away at his screen.

You looked towards the manager, who was still warily watching your table. “I think we should leave, Jeon.”

“Yeah. I have a study group to catch soon. Jin is asking everyone to come over tonight for dinner. You’ll come right?” His wide eyes were boring into your own, brown and bright as he awaited your response.

“Free food at Seokjin’s? How could I ever say no?”

♡

“So…” Jimin said, chopsticks picking at slices of pork. “Does anyone have an announcement to make?” You curiously watched him glance at Taehyung’s direction, eyes glittering with mischief. Taehyung, on the other hand, looked disinterested, more focused on stuffing food in his mouth but that quickly changed when you heard Jimin’s foot come in contact with Taehyung’s shin.

“What!” He snapped, catching the attention of everyone else at the table.

“I said,” Jimin reiterated, “Does anyone have an announcement to make.” His eyes wiggled suggestively at Taehyung who was looking beyond flabbergasted.

“If this is about Taehyung’s sex life, save it. I actually have an appetite for once and I want to enjoy my food,” Yoongi remarked, not looking up from his bowl.

“At least I have a sex life,” Taehyung retorted. “Did you even get the number of that girl yet hyung? Or does she still not know you exist?”

“Watch it before I shove my chopsticks down your throat,” Yoongi snipped back.

“This is getting off topic,” Jimin whined.

“What are you even talking about Jimin,” You questioned, motioning at Hobi to pass the bottle of soju that Jimin was hogging at his side.

“You know what I’m talking about. The person who’s meant to making an announcement is you.”

You froze, and so did Jungkook beside you, his usually bouncing legs coming to a startling standstill.

“What…What are you talking about?” Your voice sounded tiny even to your own ears.

“Ugh. I’ll do it for you. Jungkook and Y/N are dating.”

The cluttering of metal hitting bowls and chopsticks snapping at each other for the final cuts of meat came to an abrupt halt.

You mouth fell open as you searched for words to explain yourself. You pointedly didn’t look in Jungkook’s direction because it would immediately give you away. For a split second you wanted to laugh. Your friends actually believed that you and Jungkook were dating. Ridiculous.

“Actually,” You said, breaking the momentary cloud of silence that had befallen the group. “We’re-

“Yes, we’re dating,” Jungkook said, cutting you off. His hand came to gently rest on your knees, giving you a small squeeze. “It’s still pretty new so we wanted to keep it quiet for a bit.”

“Finally,” Namjoon remarked, starting to eat once more. “Glad to see you grew some balls and asked her out.”

What?

Hoseok must have noticed your shocked face because he gave you a mischievous wink. “Jungkook has been crushing on you since you first met, Y/N. Don’t be so surprised. We even made a bet to see how long it would take for him to ask you out. I lost because I guessed with the first year.”

What…

“And that means Taehyung owns me because I guessed by the third year,” Jimin proudly stated, jabbing his chopstick in the direction of Taehyung. “Pay up.”

“You should have waited one more year,” Yoongi muttered. “I would have won there.”

“Why are any of you making bets on a person?” Soekjin inquired, voicing the concerns that were ringing in your head. “Jimin focus on not getting an STI, please. I heard there’s an outbreak of pubic lice on the campus and I bet you already have it.”

“If I have it you have it too, hyung. I borrowed your underwear last week.”

“I’m going to poison your food next time,” Soekjin simply stated.

“Um…” It just fell out of your mouth. Nothing that just happened made any sense in your mind. They’d just accepted the idea of you and Jungkook dating, suggested that they’d predicted it and immediately moved on like it didn’t matter. You didn’t know how that made you feel.

Jungkook suddenly pulled you closer, mouth dropping down to your ear. “We have to pretend around them as well. Soekjin has a big mouth and it’ll all be to waste if word goes around that it’s fake,” He whispered, voice grazing against the skin of your neck. Your body involuntarily responded, drawing towards him as shivers trailed down your spine.

“Please. I have faith in both of you. Don’t become like Taehyung,” Namjoon pleaded. “Save it for the bedroom.”

You snapped away from Jungkook, body shivering from the sudden lack of heat that he had enclosed you in. Your eyes fell on the floor and you knew were ears were burning because of how warm your head felt. It didn’t help that you feel Jungkook’s gaze on you. You felt your gaze wandering to his hand clasped around your knee, acutely aware of the feeling of his touch. You tore your eyes away, trying to ignore the silence that had overtaken the group once more and the feeling of Jungkook on your skin.

Luckily Taehyung broke the trance you were slowly slipping under by saying, “All of you are just jealous that I have great sex.”

♡

University was utter hell. The workload was kicking you in the ass and it didn’t help that the members of your group project were slacking. So now you had to do all the group work as well as your regular homework. University kids were worse than high school kids when it came to group projects.

It had been a while since you last saw Jungkook. In fact, it’s been a while since you last saw anyone. You’d been copped inside your shared apartment with Hwasa, focusing on completing all the tasks that had been dumped on you. So you were pleasantly surprised when you bumped into you “boyfriend” as you were leaving the campus after a, particularly stressful quiz.

“You look like shit,” Jungkook snorted, easily fallen into step beside you. “When was the last time you slept?”

“What a nice way to greet your girlfriend,” You snapped back, trying to shuffle the pile of textbooks in your arm and carry your heavy backpack without breaking the laptop inside. “You’re one hell of a charmer.”

“Relax,” He replied, hands reaching out to grab the books from your hands. “But for real when was the last time you actually slept well?”

“I couldn’t answer that question even if I wanted too.”

“You need to take time for yourself, Y/N,” Jungkook muttered, concern colouring his voice. “Are you free this weekend?”

“Yeah,” You replied, “For once I am.”

“Great. You haven’t left your house in over a week so we’re going for a picnic date.”

You snorted. “A picnic date. Seriously.” “Is that not a cute date idea?” He hastily replied, a tremor of nervousness coloring his tone. “You don’t like it?”

“No, no. It’s really cute. I just didn’t expect that from you. I thought we were just doing simple dates at the café or something.”

“Oh. Would you rather do that instead?” He was looking at you, trying to decipher your reactions.

“It’s a bit much,” You muttered.

“A café date is fine,” Jungkook hurriedly continued. “We can meet at a café if that’s what you want.” But the idea of a picnic date was also extremely tempting, especially because you’d never gone on one before. By now you had exited the campus ground and were closing in on the turn you needed to take to get back to your apartment. You stopped, Jungkook stumbling behind you, and collected your books from him.

“Thanks for holding them. The picnic date is fine. Just text me the details and what I should bring. Got to keep up appearances, right? See you around!” You said. You had to leave now because you had a shift at the café later today and you needed to utilize whatever time you had in between to get your work done.

Jungkook watched you go, lower lip caught between his teeth and eyes forlorn. You had missed it but Jungkook had anticipated at least walking you home or something. He kicked at the ground, your figure disappearing around the corner before him.

“Yeah, see you.”

♡

“Are we really drinking sangrias in the middle of the park?” You asked, incredulously. You watched Jungkook pour out the drink into little plastic cups from a water bottle he’d stuffed into his backpack. Jungkook had only texted you the time and location for your picnic date but you still felt obliged to bring something, so your kimbap rolls sat next to the fried chicken Jungkook had brought along with various other foods. You were little bit surprised by Jungkook’s cooking abilities but he sheepishly admitted to only buying the fried chicken and then bribing Soekjin into cooking the rest for him.

“Stop asking questions and enjoy your free alcohol,” He retorted, handing you a cup.

You couldn’t help the laugh that slipped from your throat, the sound making Jungkook glance up. His eyes were shimmering behind the bangs obscuring his face a small grin on his face.

You took a sip from your drink, wine and brandy greeting your mouth like a warm hug, leaning forward to swipe the hair out of his eyes.

“You need a haircut Kooky.” Your fingertips grazed against his forehead, dragging themselves gently against the soft skin there. His eyes fluttered closed, leaning into your touch without hesitation. For a moment you admired him; the way his dark eyelashes brushed against his under eyes, the soft feeling of his brown hair against your touch, the way his skin had flushed when you’d touched him.

And then you deviously flicked a finger hard against his forehead.

“OW!” His yelp of pain was drowned out by your laughter, a surprised offended look clouded his brown eyes. “What was that for?”

“Bringing alcohol into a public non-drinking space,” You breezily responded.

“You’re drinking it!”

“I am. But I was offered so I’ve committed a lesser crime here.”

“You’re infuriating,” Jungkook commented, grabbing a cup for himself.

“And you love it,” You mindlessly commented, basking in the warm glow of the sun above you. The picnic date was a good idea after all.

“Yeah,” He muttered, mouth on his cup. “I do.”

The afternoon was spent eating and laughing. Jungkook was one of your favourite people to talk too for a reason, he always made you feel at ease and being around him was just comfortable. Time passed quicker than you thought it had and soon enough, the both of you had demolished the food you’d packed. Jungkook watched you drain the last droplets of sangria down your throat, a glazed look in his eyes.

You had flopped back onto the gingham picnic mat, a steady buzz thrumming in your veins from drinking half a bottle of sangria. His eyes were still on you as he followed your motions.

“What?” You asked.

“What do you mean?” Jungkook replied back innocently. You could hear the tremor in his voice, probably from ingesting just as much alcohol as you.

“Why are you looking at me like that?”

“It’s nothing. I’m just thinking.”

“About what?” You pushed.

He signed and rolled over, back against the earth and eyes skyward. “Do you remember the first time you fell in love?”

Your eyes widened at the question, mind digging through your memories to pull out an answer. “Yes. I do, why?”

“Do you remember what it felt like?”

You couldn’t help but smile, a memory of Jaemin resurfacing. Young love was something indescribable; every waking moment you spent with him was intense and full of passion and when you weren’t around him your heart ached with longing. “It was like,” You paused, recollecting your words. “It was like realizing that I there was someone else on earth that I would do anything for. I felt like I was learning how to give every part of myself away. I just wanted them happy and satisfied all the time – even if it brought me pain.”

There was pregnant silence after you spoke, the air between you filled with unsaid words you couldn’t decipher. Jungkook was eerily silent, his eyes glued to the sky above him.

“Have you ever fallen in love?” You asked, hoping to ease away the tense atmosphere between the two of you.

“Yes,” He croaked out.

“What was that like?”

He took a deep breath, air slipping past his rose-stained lips. The cool afternoon breeze blowing his hair away from his eyes so you could see the way they glimmered as he spoke. “I’ve never wanted the best for someone else so badly in my life. I’ve never thought about someone every moment of the day so much. I wake up thinking about her. I got to bed thinking about her. Even if – even if she doesn’t want me the way I want her I just need to be a part of her life. When we don’t see each other for too long I feel like I’m suffocating. When I do see her I feel like holding my breath in her presence. I’m so afraid of doing something wrong because I don’t know if I live without her.”

Your tongue was heavy in your mouth as you said. “So, why aren’t you with her? Why are you here with me?”

His eyes closed, a look of pain racking across his features. When he opened them again his gaze was empty, as if he had willed away the emotions he’d briefly spilled out to the world.

“I don’t think she loves me the way I love her.”

“So tell her,” You replied indignantly.

He shook his head. “It’s too late – I don’t think she’ll ever love me back.”

For some reason, you weren’t ever able to shake off what he said from that day on wards.

♡

Taehyung kept glancing at you from over the counter.

It was late in the afternoon and you had melted into the plush fabric of the couch of Namjoon’s shared apartment. You and Jungkook had been invited over for a mini study session and dinner. Your “boyfriend” was seated beside you and you had unconsciously thrown your legs over his, a laptop situated on your lap as you tried to type out an essay that just was not coming together. Taehyung’s looks were not helping your futile efforts, you couldn’t stop yourself from looking up every time you felt his eyes flickering between the two of you. Namjoon and Hoseok were working on a project beside Taehyung but at least their presence wasn’t infuriating because they were occupied with work. Taehyung, on the other hand, has made it his job to gaze at you as if your skin was peeling off your body. It was when he looked up for had to be the hundredth time that you whipped your head at him and snapped in irritation, “What do you want Taehyung?”

The man in question just smiled, a sly look glazing over his warm chestnut eyes. “Nothing.” But from the way it slipped from his mouth, you knew he was lying.

“Just say it. I’ve got work to do and you’re distracting me.”

“It’s really nothing. Ignore me. My mind is just wandering.”

“Hopefully not in the gutter,” Namjoon uttered, the glasses on his nose slipping forward as he gazed down at his laptop.

“We’ve discussed this before. If you want good sex then just go out there and get it,” Taehyung retorted.

“Hyung! Close your mouth. Some of us are busy,” Jungkook replied, voice irritated beside you.

“Fine. But let me ask something first. It’s what’s on my mind, Y/N,” Taehyung snapped back.

You sighed, cracking your tense knuckles as you stretched your arms out. “Go ahead.”

“How’s Jungkook in bed?”

You know during sit-coms when a character says something so absurd and out of place that everyone else is just left in shock as a record scratch plays in the background. Yeah, that was one of those moments.

“Hyung, shut up.” Jungkook’s body has tensed beside you, amplifying the shock that had reverberated through your chest. The two of you had obviously not had sex because this relationship was a fraud but they didn’t know that. And for some reason Namjoon and Hoseok were looking at the both of you expectantly while Taehyung just sat there, enjoying the mild flare of panic on your face.

“Um…” You searched the thin air for an answer. What were you even meant to say? It was great? He could do better? None of your business?

Jungkook was silent beside you, eyes avoiding your helpless gaze. But it also seemed as if he was holding his breath, the same apprehension and nervousness that you noticed last night in his room slithering between the two of you.

“Well I haven’t seen you limping yet,” Hoseok curiously commented, eliciting a choked sound of shock from you. “Have y’all fucked yet? Jungkook bangs his girls within the first week.”

“No, I don’t,” He indignantly replied, voice lilting upwards. The three men seated on the kitchen island exchanged a look that obviously meant Jungkook was lying. “Besides, she’s different,” He mumbled, the quiet statement causing a jolt of emotion to run through your chest.

“Ohhh, she is,” Taehyung replied, wiggling his eyebrows suggestively.

“I will choke you to death,” Jungkook retorted eyes narrowed in irritation.

“Leave him alone Taehyung,” Namjoon commented, his attention back on the assignment before him. “It’s not like you and Irene had sex in the first month of dating.”

“Correct. It was on the first day.”

The amusement that overtook your heart as you watched the look of disgust settling on Namjoon’s face as Taehyung continued to ramble was short lived. Jungkook nudged at your arm, capturing your attention as he leaned closer.

“Spend the night in my room? Everyone thinks we’re saints.” His voice was calm and soft as it slipped over your shoulder and into your airs, causing a shiver to trail down your spine as your fingers curled up, a feeling of yearning blossoming in your veins. You wanted to run them through something, drag them against something, touch something.

“Yeah, sure.” Your voice came was fragile, his presence making something in your throat close up.

When he smiled you swear your heart did a back flip. Why? You had no idea. And if you did, you were not going to acknowledge it.

“Okay baby,” He said louder. This time you knew it wasn’t for your benefit but for the people surrounding you. This thing wasn’t real after all. And for some reason, whenever Jungkook was close to you, you kept on forgetting that.

The power Jungkook has over your body resurfaced like an ugly snake later that evening. After dinner, he’d taken you by the hand and led you away from your rowdy friends who kept throwing suggestive glances and eyebrow wiggles at you as you left. It worsened every time you looked at him as you walked towards his apartment, which wasn’t far from Namjoon’s. You thought Jungkook would tell you it was okay to leave once you were out of their sights but he kept a warm gently grip on your hand as you meandered into his familiar apartment.

He gave you the bathroom to change, chucking a large t-shirt at your head as he fumbled with the speakers. The music eased the awkward tension that had infiltrated the space between the two of you, only for it to reappear when you climb into his bed.

You pulled the sheets around your torso, forming a cocoon to calm your beating heart as you heard Jungkook strip his clothes off behind you.

When you felt the bed dip with his weight your throat closed up.

It was quiet at first, your sense overly aware of the gap Jungkook had left between the two of you. He was eerily still, the comforter moving softly with the rise and fall of his best behind you. Then something snapped inside him because he twisted around to face you, bare chest pressed against your back.

“I can’t sleep like that,” He murmured, soft voice permeating the moonlit air.

“Yeah. Neither can I,” You reassured him. Having Jungkook so near but feeling so far at the same time was making something ugly twist in your chest.

“Do you – do you mind if we cuddle?” He sounded hopeful, breath grazing the back on your neck.

Every nerve in your body was reacting; from the press of his bare skin against your own back as his chest rose and fell, to the feeling of his voice caressing your skin as he spoke. You wanted to wrap him around your body and never let go.

“No. I don’t mind,” You whispered into the night.

He sighed heavily, releasing a breath that you never knew he was holding, arms instantly pulling you into his chest as his arms came to rest atop your own. You felt your skin prickle with goosebumps as he nudged his head into the crook of your neck, a content sigh escaping his lips.

His fingers found themselves idly tracing patterns across your exposed arms. “Goodnight,” He whispered into the skin of your neck.

“Goodnight,” You replied, your heart constricted in your chest.

You didn’t sleep at all that night.

♡

The mid-term break was right around the corner. You weren’t the only happy person on campus. The air buzzed with excitement as people huddled in groups, planning where to go, which parties to attend, who they were going to try and sleep with.

It had been nearly a month since you and Jungkook had established your false relationship. You hadn’t seen Sunghoon since that night at his house and Jiyeon had vanished since the fiasco at the café. But maybe you had been ignoring the world due to the workload that had been dumped on you. This had been your busiest term so far but as the end drew closer you felt a deep sense of satisfaction because you had tried your best at everything you could do and your grades were reflecting that.

So when Jimin had mentioned that someone was throwing a party this weekend and asked if you were coming with Hwasa, you didn’t hesitate to say yes. You deserved to have a good night, free of deadlines and bullshit.

And you were going to go all out too.

Jimin had started you off with chased shit, weary eyes watching down everything in mere minutes. You hadn’t been aware of it but Jungkook was glaring at him the whole time which was why Jimin was pacing you. But at some point your overprotective boyfriend had disappeared into the night, leaving a very impressionable Jimin with a very persuasive you. This obviously resulted in two very intoxicated people egging each other to drink more.

Your streak of drinking was only interrupted when Namjoon pulled you away, a concerned look on his face. For a moment you thought it was about you and you already had an elaborate excuse on the tip of your tongue but you instantly swallowed it when he asked, “What’s wrong with Jungkook?”

“What? What do you mean? He was fine when we came here,” You replied, eyes flickering as you tried to pinpoint his location.

“He’s not here,” Namjoon sighed. “He’s in the living smoking – and he never smokes unless he’s going through shit. Did you guys have a fight?”

The shock must have been clearly painted on your face because Namjoon rolled his eyes and gestured to the direction of the living him, gently pushing your forward. “Whatever it is, sort it out. He gets into a weird place when he smokes weed.”

You nodded, feet acting on autopilot as the stumbled forward. You bypassing people who were devouring each other’s faces in the hallways, your fingers digging into your skin as you moved. Jungkook had seemed fine that night. He hadn’t acted out of character so what was bothering him?

Your eyes were attacked by a heavy cloud of smoke as you stepped into the living room, the smell of weed sinking into the fabric of your clothes instantly. You didn’t mind smoking but this was on a different level. Bongs were stationed in different corners of the room, groups of people huddled around them as they took turns with lighters. In some groups, people were passing joints around. They lay languidly, their eyes half-closed with a look of utter peacefulness and bliss on their faces, mouth upturned in lazy smiles. It didn’t take you long to find Jungkook, you just had to peer behind the curtain of smoke obscuring your vision to find a frowning young man, a burning blunt in his fingertips and a frown etched upon his face.

“Hey! What’s up?” The words felt clunky coming out of your mouth as you plopped down beside him.

The look he gave you made you feel like crawling away. His eyes had become crimson, half glazed and narrowed as he glanced at you.

“How much did you drink?” He responded, voice eerily monotone alongside the rhythmic beat emitting from the speakers.

“Not a lot,” You slurred out.

He sighed, balling up a rolling paper in the hand that was free of the joint. “Don’t you ever learn your lesson?”

“What are you talking about? Why do you look so down? Why are you smoking?”

He snorted. “What. Am I not a free adult who can you what they want? Why are you drinking when you know how fucked up you get when you do?”

You blinked. Jungkook had never spoken too you like that. Ever.

“What’s with the attitude?” You snapped, feeling the urge to clock him on the head hard.

“I’m just tired,” He replied, voice despondent.

“That’s not an excuse to be rude.”

“Just leave me alone. I don’t want to be around you right now.” He looked away, raising the smoldering joint to his chapped pink lips. He took a long drag, eyes fluttering closed as inhaled deeply. He kept the smoke in only letting his mouth gently fall open when he was satisfied. You watched with an open mouth, unable to formulate any words. Jungkook had never told you to ever just leave – you had known this boy for nearly four years, you had spent a night in his room and now he was telling you to just leave.

You got up abruptly, anger simmering in your veins. “I’ll leave. If that’s what you want,” You hissed out, stomping away from him.

With a mind clouded with anger, your receding figure did not notice the look of painful longing etched on his face. He tore his eyes away, another drag of smoke slipping into his lungs, his heart thrumming in agony against his ribs.

You found Jimin and Taehyung easily enough. Your mood had been ruined by the brief encounter with your supposed boyfriend and now you were just craving any source of alcohol to wash away the anger Jungkook had risen within you.

Maybe it was a bad idea to take so many shots but it didn’t matter to you at the time.

Making the ache in your heart dissipate mattered more.

♡

Jeon Jungkook never knew he could hate someone just as much as he loved them. There was something about her that just drew him closer all the time and yet she could never see what he felt for her. Not even in a fake relationship. So how was he ever going to come forward and tell you he’d fallen in love with you the moment he’d seen you smile? And he heart had become yours the first time he heard you laugh? Or that he would turn the world upside down just to make you happy?

And it wasn’t like he was unlucky when it came to girls. He had always had someone around, whether it be for a casual fuck or a shallow relationship. But never you. You were different. No matter how hard he tried he couldn’t make you realize that he was here for you no matter what.

At this point, he didn’t know whether to give up at this point.

Jungkook sighed, mind slowly lifting from weed-induced haze that he’d sunken into. But his heart didn’t lift up, staying despondent in a cloud of melancholy.

Maybe it was better to just end this false thing no. It was hurting him more than he wanted to admit because even if you weren’t really his then at least he could pretend. But having something so near in your reach yet never being able to touch it was shattering his heart into shards.

Jungkook had left much earlier than he normally would have. Seeing your face was becoming more of a personal form of torture instead of eliciting the usual rush of delight he would feel whenever he was around you. He didn’t miss the curious glance Namjoon and Soekjin had shot in his reaction when he had stumbled towards the door but he couldn’t find the energy to care. He had no idea whether you were still there but he was lying to myself if he said he wasn’t worried. After finding you like that, with Sunghoon just holding you down – the conjured image itself was urging his fingers to curl up into fists – your safety was his first priority. You were his first priority. But he was hurting himself in the process and he doesn’t know whether it was worth it anymore.

He’d gone home, found a half-eaten pizza in the fridge and selected a playlist that had him sitting in silence, despondently chewing cold congealed pizza as he looking at the clock on the wall of his living room. It was already past one in the morning but he couldn’t stand going to bed. Not when he could remember the feeling on your body in his arms, the way his skin felt against yours, the joined heat of the two of you under the blankets.

He hadn’t been able to sleep that night.

A bang on his door behind him broke Jungkook from the ocean of thoughts he was drowning under. He shot up, dropping the pizza in its box, senses oddly alert from the weed slipping away from his system and meandered towards the door.

He never imagined he’d be opening the door to you.

You were a mess, makeup smudged and cheeks flushed with warmth. But the moment your eyes landed on him your eyes brightened up, making something blossom in his chest with ease.

“Jungkook~” You whined, body falling forward as your legs failed to cooperate. He caught you easily, noting the tepid warmth that radiated from your skin and sunk into his own.

“Y/N! What are you doing here? How did you get here? Who dropped you?” Jungkook’s voice sounded shrill even to his own ears but he couldn’t help it – panic had slipped in the moment he’d seen you dishevelled figure.

His questions flew right over your head - you were too preoccupied with pushing your way into his home - weakly head-butted his chest in order for him to move.

“Why did you leave so early?” You continued to whine, hands coming up to grasp at his shirt. “Why were you so mean to me?”

You didn’t expect Jungkook to grab your chin, gently tugging your head up has his concerned brown eyes searched your own. They were so pretty up close, shades of chocolate and chestnut intertwining in his irises. You wanted to fall into them and never come out.

“Y/N,” He said slowly, deep voice joining the crickets outside in an odd orchestra. “How. Did. You. Get. Here.”

“I walked,” You stated, blinking at him.

“You what? In this state? Jesus fuck! Do you ever think about the consequences of your actions?” He was yanking you inside, arms steading your drunken stumbles as he slammed the door behind your joined bodies. “I’m to kill all of them,” He murmured. “Did any see you leave? Jimin? Taehyung?”

You shook your head, the simple motion causing a maelstrom in your mind. “Their girlfriends came over. I missed you. So I walked here.”

Jungkook didn’t know whether to slam his head against a wall or to hold you and never let go.

He settled from pinching the bridge of his nose and taking in several, deep breathes. “You’re going to be the death of me, Y/N.”

You ignored him, moving towards the couch to find the pizza box. “Ohhh. Can I eat this?”

“You’re to get food poisoning, come here. Let me take care of you.” His hand found itself on your wrist, gently guiding you away from the box and into the kitchen. Jungkook may have allowed himself to eat that but he couldn’t do that to you.

Soon enough you found a cup of ramen placed before you, along with a bottle of water that Jungkook insisted you were going to finish right then and there. You ate obediently, feeling satisfied that you had all of his attention and that you getting food in the process.

You didn’t pick up on the searching glances Jungkook was giving you as he assessed you from head to toe, looking for any sign of bodily harm. He was driving him crazy to think that you walked to his apartment in the middle of the night, all alone. Something in his head was beating him up for not staying there – for not finding you and keeping you safe.

That was when the noticed the dark stain on your shirt.

“What’s that?” He slowly asked, trying to ease the tension from his voice.

“Oh,” You glanced down, “That was just Jimin. He spilled something on me.”

Jungkook was going to knock Jimin dead the next time he saw his hyung.

“You need to change. You can’t stay like that.” He was already moving before you could object, immediately returning with a black shirt of his. You gratefully accepted it, halting your eating in order to strip away the stained shirt you were currently wearing. In your current state of mind, you hadn’t thought about whether removing your shirt in front was Jungkook was a good idea. So he got a good flash of your lacy black bra before he had spun around, heart thumping in his chest.

You giggled when you noticed his turned back, rubbing the cotton fabric in against your fingertips. “It’s okay, turn around.”

He did so slowly, eyes still focused on the floor until they gradually moved upwards.

Jungkook never knew that someone could look so beautiful in a plain shirt and ruined makeup.

You looked like his, content from good food and still very drunk. And the shirt that was normally oversized on him was drowning your figure in fabric.

It hurt so much to know that was never going to be a reality for him.

“I’m tired,” You yawned, getting up to try and dump the utensils in the sink and trash the noodle package. Jungkook grabbed them both from you, eyes flickering to the clock that showed it had gone past two in the morning. He wasn’t letting you leave his house at this time.

“Yeah, we should sleep now,” He muttered, leading you towards the bedroom. You meandered inside, instantly heading towards the bed that you had grown increasingly familiar with over the past couple of weeks. You got in first, the sheets more comfortable than they had ever been. Jungkook watched you struggled with the blanket, frustrated noises slipping from your mouth that had his own curling upwards.

He acted on instinct, moving forward to take the blankets and gently tuck them around your figure until you were content.

“Thank you,” You slurred out, eyes already shut. “You’re the best when you aren’t being mean to me.”

Jungkook smiled, the motion more painful than joyous. He found himself leaning forward until his lips were softly pressed against your forehead. You sighed at the feeling, a lazy grin on your lips.

“Goodnight sweetheart,” Jungkook whispered, voice straining with sadness.

“Night Jeon. Love you.”

♡

You awoke with a jolt, senses instantly taking in the familiar furniture that you had been accustomed too. Jungkook was still sleeping beside you, chest rising and falling as the sun appeared behind his drawn curtains, bathing everything in a warm sepia glow.

You head was pounding, a clear indication you had taken too much last night. You couldn’t even remember how you’d ended up in Jungkook’s bed but your feet were strangely sore. At least it was Jungkook and not some random guy.

That’s when you noticed you were wearing his shirt.

You got out the bed slowly, trying not to alert him as you located your clothes. They were strewn across the floor, accompanying Jungkook’s own clothes. You were trying your best not to panic. There was no way anything happened between the two of you last night – you and Jungkook were best friends, there were no feelings involved. At all.

And yet you couldn’t even wake him up to say goodbye. Instead, you gathered your belongings, not bothering to change out his shirt and fled with your tails tucked between your legs.

The first thing you did upon your return home was to strip the shirt off and leave it on your bed.

Hwasa was not home yet when you dashed into your shared apartment, much to your happiness. You cleaned up quickly, trying to scrub off the thought of you and Jungkook off your mind just as you were scrubbing your skin clean of last night’s alcoholic mistakes.

For most of the day as you run around campus, attempting to finalise all the small things you needed for mid-term break. Most students were leaving today, heading home to enjoy a merited holiday but that was not on your mind. Your parents lived to far for you to travel back in the middle of the term so you usually staying on campus. But you still had to run some errands before the school officially closed for break.

You returned home to find his shirt still on the bed, its forlornness amplified by the dark colour of the shirt. Jungkook had always preferred simple hues in his clothes. You were tempted to shove it right to the back of your closet and pretend like last night never existed but you still couldn’t piece together the series of events that ended up with you at his house. The only one who would know would be Jungkook. And you had to apologise too, for running off without a single word. Jungkook hadn’t texted or called you to ask if you were alright and it hadn’t surprised you.

So you shoved it into a bad (after folding it neatly) and left your home, trying to hold your head high and failing indefinitely.

His door wasn’t locked when you tried to open it.

You warily stepped in, wide eyes flickering side to side as you searched for the owner of the apartment. Your mouth was already open, his name forming in your throat when you heard a yell from his bedroom door.

“Get out! You have no right to be here Jiyeon! We’ve talked about this – We’re over! What don’t you understand?”

You froze in your tracks, the sound of an infuriated Jungkook piercing your ears. You knew why a second later, your feet leading you towards the door. Her face appeared between the crack of the open door, tears streaking down her face.

“You can’t tell me you love her! Everyone saw you leave without her last night! That slut is probably sleeping with half your friends!”

“Don’t you dare call her a slut Jiyeon.” His voice was ice, cutting in the tense atmosphere in the room with its harshness. “Have you forgotten how you spread your legs for nearly half the track team?”

“That was a mistake!” She wailed. “I didn’t mean too. Babe, I miss you – I know you miss me too!”

“I wished I missed you, Jiyeon,” He snapped back, racking his fingers through his rumpled russet tresses. “It would make everything so much easier if I wasn’t in love with her – it really fucking would.” He sounded like he was holding back tears when he laughed but you couldn’t see his face. You’re not sure you wanted to see his face.

Jiyeon’s look with bewilderment replicated your own. Hers was quickly replaced with a look of dejection when he ordered her out of his house for the last time.

You got out before either of them noticed you were there the whole time, fingers trembling as you left the door slightly ajar behind you.

Your shaking hands dug through your bag to find your phone, dialing Hwasa’s number with unsteady jabs at your screen.

“Hey! Where-”

“I think Jungkook is in love with me,” You sputtered out.

There was a moment of silence as you wanted for Hwasa to process what you had said. Heck, you were still processing what you had heard earlier.

“Umm…” She uttered. “I mean you guys are dating, so I think he is meant to be in love with you?” She sounded as confused as your heartfelt.

“No – no. The thing between us was fake. I think Jungkook is actually really in love with me.”

“What! The dating thing was fake? Wait, why? Y/N what’s going on?”

You exhaled, jumping into the tale of what happened the night of Sunghoon’s party and how it resulted in your current predicament and how you had just realised that Jungkook had been in love with you the whole fucking time.

“How you manage to get yourself in shit-storms like this, I will never know,” She commented. “But we need to report Sunghoon! You should have told me! I had long nails last week, I would have clawed his face off.”

“The school wouldn’t have done much and you know that, Hwasa.”

“Then the police? Let’s go there.”

“I don’t have any signs of trauma or bodily harm. Sunghoon never got there, Jungkook – Jungkook stopped him before it happened.”

“Y/N,” Hwasa gently said, “You’re so shocked that Jungkook likes you that I’m starting to think that you like him back as well.”

You paused, a weird constricting feeling in your chest. “I don’t know.”

“Yes, you do. And in my opinion, you should just bang him, get him out of your system if you end up not wanting him.” “I can’t sleep with one of my closet friends,” You retorted.

“Yes, you can. You kissed Jaemin when you guys were only friends and you didn’t even know if he liked you back. Jungkook likes you and you know it. Plus you like him back. So what’s the problem here?”

“Well,” You sputtered, searching for some excuse but not finding any.

“Exactly,” Hwasa replied triumphantly. “Go give him his shit back and call me after you’ve at least kissed or something! I heard his dick is big.”

The dial tone hit your ear hard. You gazed at your phone, trying to think of another person to call so you can waste time before eventually going back to Jungkook’s. But he was the only other person you called frequently enough besides Hwasa, and she wasn’t going to pick up anytime soon.

So you recollected yourself and walked back. Your knuckles barely grazed the door when Jungkook ripped it open, agitation contorting his features. It immediately eased away when his gaze fell on you. However, the tense grip on his door handle did not disappear.

“Oh. It’s you.”

“Yeah, hey. I just came by to drop the shirt you gave me last night,” You replied, trying your best to ignore the tremor colouring your voice as you handed him the bag with his shirt. “Thank you for that.”

He took it, nodding without a single comment, feet already shuffling back so he could slam the door in your face.

“Wait!” You sputtered out, had shotting out to hold the door open. “Can I come in? Just for a moment. I want to talk.”

Jungkook regarded you with a wary gaze, stepping back so you can enter. “You can’t stay long though. I’m leaving tomorrow so I need to pack,” He mentioned, voice clipped.

The fact that he was going away so soon made your heart sink in ways you couldn’t explain. You walked in, eyes landing on everything but him. Your palms felt clammy to your touch, heart thumping harder against your chest with every passing second.

When you looked up, he was staring down at you expectantly.

Your mouth was dry, the words you wanted to say stuck in your throat. You cleared it, fingers fumbling with the hem of your jacket as you attempted to calm down your racing heart.

“Well? Are you going to say anything? I have things to do.”

You took in a shaky breath. This was the first time you’d ever been a position like this. Relationships were never hard for you. If you like a person you would tell them upfront. But with Jungkook you were so so afraid that you had misread the situation and by saying something you would have ruined a long-term friendship.

But you opened your mouth and said it anyways.

“I like you.”

The three words caused him to freeze, dark brows raised in shock.

“I-I don’t know if you like me back, but I feel like I should say it-”

“Do you mean it,” Jungkook quietly said, cutting you off.

“What do you mean?” You questioned, looking at him. Jungkook’s eyes were wide and dark with intensity.

“I mean, do you mean it. Do you really like me?”

“Yes, Jungkook. Why would I-”

His mouth was pressed against yours before you could even register him pulling you closer. You melted in his touch, mouth willing opening to let him in. You needed too. You wanted Jungkook to consume you wholely, take every part that you were willing to offer. And his did, drawing your lower lip between his with a sigh of content rumbling behind the chest you were holding onto you. His hands slipped around your waist, drawing you closer to him with a small tug. Sparks shot through your body as the feeling of his hands on your body, the nerves within you responding to him in ways they’d had never before for anyone else.

When you pulled apart, your lips were tingling. He rested his head against yours, cheeks flushed rouge and peach lips glistening. It just made you want to kiss him even more.

“I don’t think you know how badly I’ve wanted to do that,” He rasped out, dark eyes flickering between your lips and eyes.

“Do it one more time. Please.”

You drew him closer again, fingers dragging themselves against his scalp as your lips found one another once more, eliciting a groan from him. It was even better the second time, your mouths moving in unison as Jungkook drew out muffled moans from your own mouth. His tongue pressed against your own, his need to have you apparent in how he pulled you even closer to him. You gave away more of yourself, a new type of desire blooming in your body as you kissed Jungkook. It was harder to pull away this time, enough though you needed to breathe you found yourself coming back for pecks that quickly turned into passionate kisses.

Jungkook finally backed away, mouth open and hair ruined from your ministrations. “We’re going to have to stop before we do something we might regret.”

“I don’t want to stop. Do you?” You muttered, aware of you your underwear was drenched in slick right down. There was already a tight coil of desire in your core that was wound up. You hadn’t slept with anyone since Sunghoon and from what you felt earlier Jungkook was just as wound up as you were.

He paused, evaluating your face. “Are you sure?”

You pressed your body against him, the bulge in his pants pressing against your stomach. The feeling of him there made your legs tremble with want. “Absolutely.”

Jungkook hoisted you into the air without a second thought. You shrieked, hiding the smile on your face in his neck. Your legs naturally wrapped themselves around his waist, given his crotch the perfect amount of access to your dripping core.

He dropped you down on his bed with ease, falling right between your legs with a loud thump. You head had hit the bed too hard causing a soft cry from your lips.

“Did I hurt you?” He hurriedly asked.

You smiled, pulling his face closer to yours. “Yes. But you can fix it with a kiss.”

You felt the smile in his kiss when his lips touched yours and then you were lost in the sensation of having him like that. And the sounds he was making. You had never pinned yourself to like loud men but with every groan and whimper that Jungkook made, the wetter you became and the more you liked it. Until the feeling of emptiness was unbearable and you were bucking up at his elevated hips, searching for some form of relief. Why were you wearing jeans? Why was anyone wearing any clothes?

A rough grip landed on your hip, pressing it back down on the mattress. You whined, pulling away from Jungkook’s lips.

His eyes were blown out, dark with want but unforgiving as he said, “Wait. I want to eat you out first.”

He slid down, pausing to devour your neck, leaving a dark mark in wake of his lips before digging his fingertips into the waistband on your jeans. You helped him, yanking off the bottoms and your top with vigour and tossing them onto the floor. When you reached for your underwear, Jungkook stopped your hands, pushing them back onto the bed.

“Let me,” He whispered, voice husky. You swallowed, nodding as you watched him spread apart your pliant legs before dragging his wet tongue right down your clothed pussy. He slipped two fingers into the waist of your underwear, slowly dragging the fabric away. You didn’t know you could get any wetter than you already word, but when his eyes finally landed on your exposed pussy he muttered a soft “fuck” that had you drenched in an instant. His tongue was on your clit immediately, swirling patterns of figure eights across the sensitive bud before moving lower to map out every part of you with his mouth.

You found yourself bucking into his mouth, nails digging into his scalp as you whined with need. Jungkook revelled in your response, eagerly finding new places to slip his tongue into. He flicked it against your entrance, tensing the nerves around there before tentatively pressing his tongue inside you.

You groaned, legs falling wider apart to give him more space to devour you. Jungkook compiled, enthusiastic flicks against your pussy making your back arch against the mattress.

“F-fuck! Jungkook, ugh.” You had never been eaten out like this. Jungkook was tasting every part of you and from the hums in he was making he was enjoying it just as much as you were. You glanced down, finding Jungkook staring up at your face as his tongue formed whirlpools around your clit your glistening slick on his mouth.

His fingers joined a moment later, probing at your entrance until two of them easily slipped past your walls, replacing his tongue. The pushed forward, your pussy tight around them, curling up in order to reach the ball of nerves that would set you off. You were already building up towards the edge. You hadn’t had anyone touch you like this in a long time and you had to admit that Jungkook was good. So good that in a moment he had the pads of his fingers against something that had you panting into the air.

“Fuck, you look so gorgeous,” He groaned against your pussy lips. “So fucking beautiful with my mouth on your pussy and my fingers in you. You like this don’t you? Like having my dirty mouth on your pussy.” He pressed his tongue against the sensitive bud, causing a jolt to run through your body as the fingers inside you dragged against your walls. You could already feel them tightening, the tremors of your release thrumming in your legs.

“You want to cum don’t you? All over my mouth and my fingers,” Jungkook rasped, his fingers snapping into your pussy. He knew you were close and he was relishing in the way your body responded to him. You were losing it, unable of making coherent sentences apart of the occasional scream of his name when he was too rough with you.

Then he stopped, pulling his fingers from your pussy with a wet loud sound that had you snapping your head up to look at him again.

“Why – why did you stop?” You were so close, you just needed a little bit more and you would have disintegrated in his hands.

Jungkook grinned, leaning forward to press a kiss against your lips. It felt strange to taste yourself on his mouth but you didn’t mind it.

“I can’t let you come yet, Y/N. Do you know how many times I’ve thought of having you like this? There are many, many things I want to do tonight. Can be good for me and wait until I say you can?” Jungkook murmured against your mouth.

You nodded, gulping as he crawled back up the bed, fingers grazing your warm skin.

“Truth be told I could eat your pussy for hours. Days even. The sounds you make – fuck I love your mouth.” He was pulling you in for another kiss, the significant bulge of his right against your clit. You whined, the fabric of his jeans hurting you with every minuscule buck of his hips.

It took a couple of seconds for Jungkook to understand what you meant but when he did he kicked him them, leaving him in a pair of black boxes that failed to conceal the massive tent he was rocking behind the fabric.

You wanted to touch him, run your fingers along his length and make him feel as good as he was making you feel but before you could reach out and wrap your fingers around his cock, Jungkook was pulling them back, clasping your wrists in one large hand of his and pressing them into the sheets with force.

“Let me see all of you first,” He said, the other hand slipping behind your back to unhook your bra. Your breasts fell out of them, Jungkook easily catching them with his mouth. Your nipples had never been sensitive but the moment his mouth touched the skin there nerves connected and sparked, sending signals of desire right down to your pussy.

“Fuck, f-f-uck! Jungkook! Fuck please put your fingers in me.”

“Beg.”

“Jungkook, please, please. Need your fingers inside, need anything, Fuck please.”

“So fucking eloquent with words,” He hissed, two fingers slipping back down to pump themselves in you. You arched into them, driving your hips down so he could faster into, they twisted with your movements, coaxing another rise out of you were every lick against your nipples alongside the feeling of his fingers flexing inside you.

Just as you drew closer he pulled them away again, leaving your frustrated, walls clenching desperately around the air. But you immediately forgot about it when Jungkook looked at you with utter want, lips swollen from working up every part of your body.

“Want to ride my face?”

It took a little bit of cooperation and with your legs already weak from being so close two times and then cruelly denied you had a bit of trouble making them function. But then you were descending down on Jungkook’s mouth, his arms holding your hips up. He pressed a kiss against your pussy lips, spreading them apart with an expert drag of his tongue that had you leaning forward, stomach caving in as you tried to hold back the orgasm that was threatening to tip you over.

“Prettiest pussy I’ve ever seen. I could stay here all day. You taste so fucking good on my tongue.”

“I’ll taste even better when you let me cum.”

He chuckled, the sound vibrating right into your core. “Is that what you want baby?”

You began to nod, only to throw your head back with Jungkook’s lips found themselves around your clit once more. Your chest heaved with each short lungful of air as you tried to keep yourself upright and not sit down directly onto his face. Wave after wave of tremors that shot through your legs from your core was making it hard for you. You could already feel it peaking, a blazing white heat burning in your core as you fists the bed sheets beside you in an attempt to draw it away.

“Come baby girl. Come all over my face.”

You didn’t need another command, a shudder wreaking havoc through your body as you released yourself onto his tongue. Jungkook lapped it up, moaning into your pussy as he took one hand to his pants, palming himself through the thin fabric.

“Fuck,” You heaved out, heart beating out of your chest.

“Are you okay with another one?” He muttered as you slipped away from his head, thighs still feeling like putty at the smallest movement. The fact that Jungkook wanted to drag another orgasm out of your tired body was mind blowing.

“G-give me a moment.”

Jungkook did, a satisfied smirk on his face as you collapsed beside him. Your eyes had fluttered closed unwillingly but snapped right back open when you a felt a press of a kiss against your forehead.

Why did that feel familiar?

His hands were trailing patterns against your skin, guiding themselves down to your still drenched pussy slowly. You savoured the feeling of him against your skin, allowing yourself to enjoy it because finally after yearning for it Jungkook was yours.

“Can I fuck you now?”

You nodded into the comforter, legs spreading open. You didn’t miss the small smile Jungkook sported, before climbing above your body to flip you around so that you were face to face.

He moved to tug off his underwear, a spot of precum staining the front of the fabric but you stopped him, fingers grasping the band of the material.

“Let me,” You said, mimicking his earlier words. Jungkook rolled his eyes at you, but his still glimmered with want.

His cock sprung free from the confinements of the fabric, red and hard with need, slapping against the cotton fabric of the shirt he was still wearing. Which you were not happy about.

“Why are you wearing that?” You tugged at the hem of his shirt until he pulled it off, revealing a set of chiselled abs that made your inside walls clench with longing. His cock slapped against the bare skin of his stomach, beads of cum pooling from his flushed tip. You bit your lips, a motion Jungkook didn’t miss.

“You can suck me off later, right now I really want to fuck you.”

“I’m waiting,” You replied, running your fingers against the curves of his muscles. The flexed underneath your touch; your fingers felt like live wires because that movement sent a spiral of heat to your core.

“I have condoms in the drawer let me-”

“We don’t need them. I’m clean and I’m on the pill. Are you?” Jungkook eagerly nodded, cock twitching at the thought of being buried inside you with no barrier.

He grabbed his length, idly running his hand against it. You moved your legs wider apart, watching as Jungkook hoisted you up, his cock in line with you. The sensation of his head teasing your wet entrance had your inner muscles clenching in anticipation. He was fairly big and you knew you could get a nice deep stretch from it but your idea of what you expected paled in comparison to the feeling of him pushing right into you with one swift stroke.

“Fuck, you’re tight,” He groaned against your neck, giving you another deep thrust until his hip was pressed right against your own. You couldn’t say anything, silent whimpers leaving your mouth as you adjusted to the feeling of him against your walls. You felt the need to flex them, the motion prompting a mumbled moan from Jungkook as he held still, waiting for you to grow comfortable.

You rocked your own hips against him, the motion allowing this cock to slip even deeper into you. Jungkook snapped right back, hitting the coil of pleasure that had resurfaced the moment he’d entered inside you.

“Move, Jungkook, please move.”

He did exactly want you wanted, hips snapped forward with sharp precise thrusts, driving his cock into you with every motion. You groaned when you felt the tip of his shaft hit the bundle of nerves he’d found earlier, your own hips snapped up to meet his, the sound of skin hitting skin permeating the air around you.

“God, fuck! You’re so fucking tight. So fucking wet. Shit u-uh.” He moved faster, harder, beads of sweat forming on his skin as he fucked you into the mattress, the bed moving with every thrust of his hips.

You threw your head back, lost in the pleasure he was pulling from your body, an inferno of heat already pooling at your core.

His aim was already becoming sloppy, his need for release clear when you felt his cock twitch against your walls. You just needed a little bit more, just once more thrust against your –

“F-f-fuck! Jungkook! Ugh, fuck there, there, there. Yes! Shit – right there!”

His hips drove forward, as he pulled your legs up to get deeper. The simple action gave him direct access to where you needed him most and in seconds you were falling apart around his length. Your moans were honey to his ears and making it harder for him to stay together and fuck you through your orgasm. You could barely utter a word, mouth open with only soft broken ahs falling from your throat. Several more wild thrusts into you and Jungkook came to a halt. You could feel him shudder as he coated your walls with his cum, pants colouring the bruised skin on your neck, with every twitch of his cock against your walls.

You lay there for a moment, catching your breath, until Jungkook slipped his cock out, a wet plop coming from the shift. He collapsed beside you, hair sticking to his forehead with sweat and his chest expanding and caving in, glimmering in the late afternoon sunlight.

He glanced at you, a content smile on his face and shifted so that he could pull you closer against his wet chest.

“Ew, you’re sweaty,” You whined.

“So are you, sweetheart,” He snorted back, breath cooling your drenched neck.

“We need to talk though,” You continued. You hadn’t intended for things to escalate so quickly but it wasn’t like you had objected to it either.

“Later,” Jungkook said, slinging an arm over your waist.

“Don’t you have to shower or something? Are you still packing to leave?” You hadn’t forgotten that Jungkook was leaving tomorrow and it was still bothering you at the back on your mind.

“To where?” He sounded confused.

“Home – for the break. You said you were going.”

“Are you going home?”

“No, my parents are too far away.”

“Then I’m not going home,” Jungkook simply stated.

“What?”

“I don’t need to go home right now. Home is where ever you are, Y/N. Plus we have a lot of things to make up for.”

You blushed, a warm feeling budding in your chest. “Like what?”

“I pretty sure you own me a blowjob. And a proper date.”

Outtakes:

“Wait what? I walked here?”

Jungkook sleepily nodded into your skin.

“Why – what was I thinking?”

“I asked you the same thing.”

“And what did I say?”

“You said you miissseed me.”

“Ugh, shut-up, no I didn’t.”

“Yes, you did. You miiissssed me because you loove me.”

“I will literally kick you in the balls right now.”

“You love my dick too much to ever do that.”

“…True.”

4K notes · View notes

nctxnation · 5 years

Text

A Haunting in Neo City

➳ Pairing: Renjun x Reader

➳ Genre: Romance | Buzzfeed Unsolved AU

➳ Word Count: 4.8k

➳ Warnings: Mild Language

➳ “Of all the problems and complications in my life, I had not expected love to be one of them.” ― Stacie Evans

You spun around in your chair, eyes tired of seeing the screen after finally finishing another article. The coffee mug next to you, empty, and your brain still sleep deprived and sluggish.

“You look like shit.”

You groaned, pressing send on the computer and turning to see your partner in crime, or more like partner in the occult and crime.

“Hello, to you too, Renjun,” You flicked a paper clip at him and he rolled his eyes as it bounced off his chest. “I’m just tired. Yeri and the girls’ invited me out for dinner last night.”

“Fun,” He grinned, jumping onto your desk, knocking papers to the side. “All I did last night was see how many pens Jisung could stuff in his mouth, nine, by the way.”

“I’m guessing you have some news for me,” Your eyes zeroed in on the stack of papers in his hands. “Let me guess a cursed doll that terrorizes its owners?”

“Been there, done that, remember?” He smiled down at you, eyes brightening at the prospect of a new adventure. Your heart fluttered at the eagerness in his tone and the sparkle of his eyes, “We’re going out to Neo City to scope out the Evermore Woods, aka the Haunted Woods of Neo City. There’s supposedly haunted cabins and we might just end up possessed, you in?”

Of course, you were in. You’d follow Renjun anywhere, he didn’t know that. You sure as hell didn’t want to submit to the sheer embarrassment and awkwardness that would ensue after disclosing your romantic feelings to your coworker and closest friend.

“Do I have a choice?” You grinned snatching the prints of research out of his grip. “We’re not gonna end up possessed, it has never happened.”

“You never know,” He was positively buzzing with excitement and it made you beam at how adorable he looked. “I have a feeling this one is gonna be a good episode though.”

“You always have the craziest shit up your sleeve,” You noted, glancing through rumored sightings of ghosts and wild stories that spurred from college students partying in the woods. “This is no exception. Sounds like a fun roadtrip to me.”

“Wait ‘til you read about the Ghost of Jieun they saw there, it’s some crazy shit I kid you not!”

Renjun went on the full blown spiel, trying to persuade you that the woods were indeed haunted and it wasn’t just a hoax. He did this all the time, seeing as he was the one who fully believed in the paranormal between the two of you. You were the one who decidedly followed him throughout his supernatural investigations sprinkling witty commentary as you weren’t as sold in any stuff like that.

You were often the cause of Renjun’s constant hysteria as you seldom kept quiet and continuously egged and taunted any ‘spirit’ that might be lurking. It got to the point Renjun would keep a small bottle of holy water in his car and occasionally spray you with it just to make sure you weren’t actually possessed.

A long ass story about some ghost later, Renjun was summoned by Jeno who needed help as Haechan had gotten his hand stuck up some tubing they were filming a video with. You took that as your cue to refill your empty coffee cup, to regain some life and have at least a semblance of a normal, functioning human being.

You however didn’t expect yourself to be cornered by Yeri and Yuta, who were looking far too devilish. Their evil smirking were making you want to add them to the list of possible people to perform an exorcism on, part of Renjun’s never ending list.

“So, you and Renjun looked pretty cosy there,” Yeri commented, subtly glancing at Yuta whose face only darkend with mischief.

“We’re partners on this ongoing project,” You deadpanned, pouring in some burning hot liquid into your mug. The steaming zest of life. “He literally has no choice now, the loser is stuck with me. We ordained it with a blood oath which is pretty on brand for us, I guess.”

Yuta cackled heartily, “No wonder you guys’ are in love. You have the same sense of humor.”

“Thanks,” The words processed in your brain slower than Internet Explorer. “Wait--what? In love? Renjun and me?”

“Am I speaking in Japanese?” Yuta winked at you, sipping his coffee so smugly you wanted to slap him. “So, when’s the wedding?”

“It’s not like that,” You began to feel uneasy, their staring was predator-like. “How many times do I have to spell it out to you guys? Renjun and me, we’re friends and co-workers, nothing more. So, we share a room every once in a while and have inside jokes, you and Winwin do too.”

“Mhmm sure,” Yeri shrugged it off, “One day we’ll get you to admit your love for each other.”

“Not gonna happen,” You gritted out, taking your mug and walking away as fast as you could so they couldn’t see the intense blush coloring your features.

“You better send a wedding invitation!” Yuta hollered as you rounded the corner and saw Renjun and Haechan laughing about his incident.

Your heart warmed as Renjun’s eyes met yours and you could have sworn you saw a fondness in his eyes that was only reserved for you. A small sliver of hope slithered its way into your heart, but you crushed it easily on account of it being your sleep deprived brain creating scenarios in your head that weren’t real.

Unbeknownst to you, Renjun sighed in aggravation. His little frown catching Haechan’s attention.

“You might as well tell Y/N you like them,” Haechan said as he watched your retreating figure.

“It’s not that easy,” Renjun admitted, “Y/N and me are a team, we have our own series and its doing really good. I don’t want to ruin any of that knowing they don’t feel the same.”

“You sure about that?” Haechan snorted.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Renjun snapped, ready to put Haechan in headlock at any given offense.

“I mean the supernatural isn’t the only thing your blind to,” Haechan patted his friend’s shoulder and left, leaving Renjun more confused than before.

Renjun thought it was easier to be cornered by ghosts, demons, serial killers, and bizarre monsters than having to ever come close to admitting his feelings for you. Your friendship ran deep and he didn’t want to derail the dynamic he worked so hard to upkeep. Plus, he didn’t think you’d like him, you got along swimmingly due to the fact that you two instantly clicked. You were his best friend, in his eyes, telling you he wanted something more was severely scarier than facing ghouls.

The matters of the heart were always something terrifying.

Renjun placed his folder of information neatly on the table, eyes bright as he faced the camera. You sat next to him trying your best not to stare too much at him. You failed of course and you hoped your audience thought none of it. The comment section had a few comments littered about they way you looked at each other. The last thing you needed was your full blown heart eyes for Renjung to be the one thing your viewers discussed.

“This week we will be exploring the haunted cabins in the Neo City Evermore Woods.”

Gosh, even the way his voice went into professional mode was starting to sound immensely attractive to you.

“Do you think we'll see bears?” You asked, smirking at the frustrated sigh he let out. The edges of his lips turned upwards and that in itself was enough to have you glowing.

“The woods are crawling with ghosts and demons and you're worried about bears?” He chuckled, it was so like you. It was one of the many things he liked about you, even when it clashed with who he was.

“I just don't want to take my chances.”

“But you'll be okay with being possessed?” His eyes bulged out of his face and you giggled at how comical he looked.

“I'm being realistic. I guess we can trace a circle around us.”

“Of salt?”

“No, dirt like with a stick. For the bear, Renjun. Not the ghosts.”

“Isn't that from Spongebob?” He regarded you with sparkly eyes full of amusement.

He loved the way you made the tension in his body release, the way your eyes crinkled when you laughed at your own stupid jokes. He was seriously gone and he hoped it didn’t get captured on camera.

“Yeah that's where I get all my educational information from.”

He started wheezing and you joined in laughing at how silly you sounded. That was your role in this dynamic duo, he took everything regarding the supernatural seriously and you joked about it. You two were like yin and yang in a sense, you balanced each other out.

“Well, I get all my educational information from reliable sources,” Renjun began addressing the timeline of the Disappearance of Jieun, to telling about her murder and the hauntings of the lake and cabins.

You added your own commentary, smiling when the camera turned off and Renjun excitedly high fived you. Yup, you were way too deep.

“You were really funny out there,” He said, shuffling all his papers back into his folder, “Great stuff. I think I’m going to need an inhaler or something.”

“Nah, I think I sounded cringey,” You waved off his immediate protests, “I just wanted to take the time to say that you really put a lot of work into this series and it shows. You’re doing amazing, Renjun, and you deserve to know it.”

“Couldn’t do it without you?” He was too sweet, he was going to give you tooth decay.

“I don’t think--”

“No, of course you don’t see how great you are,” He interrupted you, placing a small warm hand on your shoulder. “But I see how great you are and I think you should know you make this series worth doing.”

“Renjun…”You swiped an imaginary tear off your cheek, ignoring the actual tears building up. “You really are the sweetest person in the office, don’t tell Jungwoo I said that.”

The weight of his compliment and your lack of though, had you wrapping his frame around your arms. He froze, but then melted into your hands.

“I’m serious you make the other half of Spooky Duo,” Renjun’s warmth blossomed a new kind of warmth in your heart, “I love you, Y/N...I mean, you’re the best partner in crime money can buy.”

“You threatened me to join you,” You sniffled, ignoring the fluttering feelings the eight letters he murmured brought you. “I had no choice in the matter, but you’re a great partner in crime...I love you too, Renjun.”

The love you felt was different than the love he felt that much you knew. No lack of sleep or caffeine rush was going to lull you into a false reality that you made up in your head. He didn’t feel the same.

There was beat, in which you both stood, arms tangled and breathing rough, staring into each other’s eyes. The moment was broken when Yuta and Yeri stumbled into your work room claiming a group meeting. You scrambled away from each other, your eyes having totally not been hyperfixed on his lips. Renjun cleared his throat and fist bumped you claiming you as the best friend he could ask for, before he went on his merry way.

You sighed, not trying hard enough to hide you own dejection, but you followed behind him. This, unfortunately, only roused Yuta and Yeri even more as they began gossiping about the office, murmuring about how any day now the Spooky Duo were finally going to get together.

It was dusk, night barely stretching across the horizon when you reached the edge of the Evermore Woods. The forest was cold, dark, and dense. It was the picturesque vision of any horror movie setting, horrific and nightmarish. It would certainly allow for your mind to conjure up the scariest of things to crawl from out of the forest, had you been creative enough for it. From the look in Renjun’s wide eyes, you can tell he felt the eeriness set in too.

The uneasiness reflected in Jeno and Jaemin’s eyes, your camera crew for tonight. Haechan and Yuta were already setting up things in the cabins. Renjun gulped and led the way down the path, Jeno and Jaemin stayed a couple of steps behind you two, jostling through the greenery with their equipment.

“Are you afraid of anything?” Renjun trekked through the foliage skillfully, the bright flashlight guiding him, although there was a subtle shake to his grip.

“Yeah, dying alone. Thank God I have you.” It was meant as a joke, but the weight of your words rang heavy and poignant in contrast to the eerie silence of the night.

Renjun deliberated for a moment, before following it up with a quip of his own, “I'll feed you to the demons before you even get to me.”

“That’s to say there’s even demons.”

“Our viewers think you’re a demon.” His eyes were playful, reeling you in and effectively turning you into mush.

“I can’t confirm nor deny that.” You squashed the butterflies easily, falling into step behind him.

“Do you think we’ll catch some real footage of something?”

“What if we see Bigfoot?”

“Wrong episode,” Renjun smiled, “Do these woods spook you out? What's that noise?”

“Do you know what a cricket is? Speaking of Bigfoot,” You poked his side and he flew up, sending you a glare, “Remember last time? Dude, you were practically crying.”

“I thought we were gonna die,” He defended, “How was I supposed to know Johnny was in a Bigfoot costume ready to scare the shit out of us.”

“That was the whole point,” You said as you finally reached the small lake where the Ghost of Jieun was rumored to be seen. “Are you down for a late night swim?”

Renjun focused his thermal camera on his surroundings, frowning as he caught sight of nothing out of the ordinary. “Should we try the spirit box? Maybe we can speak to her.”

“Chick was murdered by a man, she probably has some deep issues,” You said, plopping down on the wet grass that covered the lip of the lake. “She probably won’t want to speak to you. Or maybe she’s hiding in the cabins back there.”

Jeno and Jaemin propped up all the filming equipment and readied the camera to start filming. They signaled Renjun to get started and he immediately launched into ‘YouTuber Renjun’.

“We’re here at the Evermore Woods of Neo City. As you can see, we have Green Water Lake right behind me and some of the cabins that remained from the old campground. People say the Ghost of Jieun likes to linger around this general area, near the dock.”

“Wasn’t she killed by her lover?” You bounced a small pebble into the water and watched it ripple.

“Yeah, he dated her. He actually said she was too beautiful to be murdered and she agreed and used that as her tactic to live for one more minute.”

“I--what?”

“Yeah she was basically like ‘Please don't kill me, I’m too sexy for this disrespect.”

“Do you think he was like hahaha don't die your so sexy...oops sorry my knife fell into you.”

“We really shouldn't be joking about this here,” Renjun bit his lip, glancing around nervously.

“That sounds like a freaking skit from American Horror Story 1984! How am I supposed to take it seriously?”

“Because we're probably standing within the general vicinity of the crime.”

“Oh, shit.” You turned towards the cabins. “Should we go inside?”

“You want to go first or should I?” He asked, brushing off bits of grass of his pants and helping you up off the ground.

“The non-believer always goes first,” You smiled, pinching his cheek, “You, my dear, are last because you’ll most likely freak out and that will be great footage.”

“Please don’t summon anymore demons from the pits of hell.” Renjun begged, although you caught subtle lilt of amusement in his voice.

“Can’t make any promises,” You took the spirit box and thermal camera from him. “It’s not like anything exciting ever happens anyway.”

“Be careful.”

The words were simple but the way he said them, dripping with concern. You almost turned around to see his face, but you knew that if you didn’t stop walking towards the cabin, you’d kiss him then and there. Your feelings were growing and him being the sweet, caring person he was, wasn’t helping your case.

“Honestly, Renjun, is probably pissing his pants right now.” You told the camera Jeno was pointed at you, he agreed silently with a grin. “He’s always terrified, but is like an eager puppy wanting to catch anything.”

“Y/N probably raised hell in there, but what's new.” Renjun called out, opening the door to one of the cabins.

“I did no such thing...just told the ghost to screw itself for not singing Fergalicious to see if it's real or not.”

“Fergalicious wasn't even a thing back then.”

“Fergie withstands the fabric of time, it's all an illusion, Renjun.” You walked up to him and he made room for Jeno and you to enter. “Maybe something will come out if there’s more of us. It could want variety in its selection.”

The door closed behind you and all you could hear was the heavy breathing of everyone in the room. There was a freakish vibe to them, more so than when you were alone. Jeno swept the camera around the room, catching every cobweb and dust particle within view. Jaemin focused his camera on the Renjun and you waiting for some action.

“Okay, if there’s anyone--Jeiun or any other ghost can you say something to let us know you’re hear.” Renjun flipped the spirit box on and the room was flooded with static noise and the occasional gurgle of something possibly otherworldly.

“My name is Y/N and this my buddy Renjun,” You licked your lips, feeling the chill of the night creep up on you like a frosty hand. “For his sake, can you say something? Is it like in Ghost Whisper, that you have unfinished business and that’s why don’t cross over?”

“Ren…”

“Oh, fuck,” Renjun began to blubber.

“Y/N….” The voice was barely audible above the static, but still managed to erupt a trail of goosebumps down your arm. It clearly sounded like the voice of a girl. “Ren...jun…”

“Oh, hell no,” Renjun looked on the brink of a breakdown, he clambered towards the exit but Jeno blocked it. “Jeno, what the hell!”

“I...am...Jieun…”

A shrill noise pierced the ear and the static of the spirit box became muffled right after. Suddenly, Jeno began to move frenetically, casting the camera aside on a wooden table. His eyes were twitching and his arms waved in the air as if he were possessed.

“Jeno?” Jaemin’s voice was hoarse, he gently shook Jeno.

His eyes widened as Jeno glared down at him and then smacked him on the side, knocking him straight down. Jaemin whimpered from the brute force of his hit and recoiled as Jeno wailed violently and incoherently.

“J-Jeno?” Renjun grabbed your arm and shoved you behind his body, shielding you from any harm Jeno may cause. “Hey, man, if this is about you not getting to pick the location, we can work this out?”

Jaemin got up and quickly grabbed a hold of Jeno whose eyes were rolling back, his whole body contorting under the hold of Jaemin. Renjun pushed you back, slowly stumbling into the small closet in the corner of the room.

“I think he’s possessed!” Jaemin shouted, pinning Jeno down and waving you two off. “Take cover somewhere, I don’t think I can hold him down for much longer.”

Renjun hesitated, not believing his eyes. You pulled him back and ducked into the small closet, the only thing you could hear was the violent rustle of the wind outside and Jeno’s screeching.

“I shit you not if this is one of your pranks Y/N--”

“It’s n-not,” You stuttered, your whole body quivering like a feather in the breeze. “I swear to God Renjun, I don’t know what’s going on.”

Jaemin’s screaming ceased, there was silence, then a loud, thumping. Jeno’s fists hit the door in frantic, solid beats shaking the door with each hit.

“He loved me,” Jeno’s voice sounded distanted, higher pitched, “He said he loved me. He said I was beautiful, yet he killed me.”

“Jieun?” Renjun almost sounded sympathetic and you wanted to cry at how sweet he can be, but this wasn’t the time. “Is that you in Jeno? Look, I’m sorry for--”

“You’re not sorry!” Jeno’s thundering voice was full of anguish, “You mock me with your love!”

“What?” You cleared your throat, finding it hard to sound anything remotely human when all you wanted was to sob.

“Your love for each other,” Jeno as Jieun said, “I thought I had that with him. I was wrong. All I want to see is the love I never got.”

“Is she on crack?” You blurted unthinkingly causing Renjun to silence you with a frantic glare. “I mean, oh yeah, we have a very deep friendly affection.”

“Love,” possessed Jeno corrected, “Tell each other you love each other. You never know what life might throw at you. Enjoy love while you can.”

“Is that a threat Ghost Lady?” You didn’t know what to think of possessed Jeno’s words.

“I’ll let you out only if you speak your heart’s desire.”

“Heart’s desire?” Renjun laughed perturbed by the ghost’s insinuation. “This is crazy.”

“Confess your heart’s desire or face the consequences!” Jeno began banging on the door again and it looked like if he slammed his fist one more time, it would crumble under his sheer strength.

“Renjun do something!”

“Okay, okay, stop Jieun,” Shaking like a leaf, he turned to you ignoring the persistent badgering and grumbling from possessed Jeno. “Y/N, if we don’t make it out of this alive I’m sorry I dragged you into this place.”

The lack of heartfelt confessions only angered Jeno even more.

“Hey, Samara chill for a second, okay?” You looked at Renjun, taking his hand and squeezing it. “You don’t force me to go anywhere with you, truth is, I’d follow you to any stupid place you want to go. It doesn’t matter if I think it’s haunted or not, for work or not, I’d still follow you anywhere.”

“What?” His breath knotted in his threat and as your breath fanned across his cheeks, he could have sworn he’d be the next ghost to inhabit that cabin. You were too close and his poor heart can only take so much in one night.

“I don’t know if its the fact we’re about to die,” You wanted to be swallowed by some random hole in the ground or have creepy ghost Jeno drag you away. “Or the fact I can’t see you since it’s dark as shit in here. Or even the fact that I’m starting to think this is a nightmare and I’ll wake up in my desk with you hovering over me with fresh coffee and that cheesy smile of yours that I lo--”

“Y/N.” The way he spoke your name so softly and lovingly, made your temperature rise the cold of the dinky closet no longer affected you.

“Oh, right, sorry,” You rushed through your words, wanting this all to be over, “Truth is I like you, Renjun. I’ve liked you for a long time and that’s why I didn’t need a lot of convincing to join your team.”

“Is that true?” Samara-Jeno asked.

“Truer words have never been spoken.”

“I like you too, Y/N,” Renjun’s voice cracked and your heart swelled. “I’m not...I have no words to describe it. But I like you so much and I never had the courage to say it.”

You smiled, shrouded in the darkness he couldn’t see the pure happiness on your face.

“I’ll leave this body now,” Samara-Jeno said, breaking the heart-eyes-through-the-dark spell you two were in. “You can rest easy, I’m gone…Hey, you guys what the hell happened?”

“Holy shit it worked!” The sheer exuberance of him confessing and you not being in danger had you squealing. “I didn’t think that would work!”

Renjun, however took this differently, “Yeah, you’re such a good actor. That confession...wow.”

“What?” You didn’t even have time to process the crushing sensation his words brought. “Oh, yeah, good one right?” You knew it was too good to be true.

“For God’s sake--”Jeno threw the door open and you clambered over to grip Renjun close to you.

Jaemin sighed exasperated as he readjusted the camera in his hands. You crawled out of the closet, disoriented and bewildered by everything going on. Haechan was handing Chenle money (“Told you they were dumb to see their love”) and bitterly glaring at you two. Yuta and Yeri looked like they wanted to bang their heads.

“What the hell is this?” You shrieked as Renjun gaped at his coworkers.

“This was a set up!” Jeno explained, outraged by the sheer dumbassery you two possessed. “You guys literally confessed to each other like we wanted! Then straight up made it sound like it was all acting...what the heck!”

“You guys are really something else,” Yuta shook his head. “Love is blind and makes you oblivious, but you two are just dumbassess.”

“Wait, so you like me?” Renjun’s eyes widened at your accusation.

“You like me too?”

“Yeah, I actually wasn’t lying,” You felt sheepish at all the pairs of eyes glued on you. “I do like you, Renjun...enough to go ghost hunting even though I don’t believe in that.”

“I like you too,” He cupped your cheek in his hands, ignoring the camera Jaemin pointed right at you. “You’re my partner in crime and I kinda wanna have you around to hunt more ghosts.”

“That’s an offer I can’t resist,” You grinned, kissing him gently on the cheek. “However, you’re gonna have to buy me dinner after, all this ghost hunting makes me hungry.”

“Deal.” The same fondness in his eyes you thought you imagined before, returned and your eyes reflected that fondness. “Now, what the hell were you guys thinking this was a great location and we could have had awesome footage!”

You spent the rest of the night scouring the woods for ghosts, although you didn’t find any. Renjun and you, trailed behind everyone, hand and hand and beaming brighter than the moon above.

“What do you think our viewers are gonna make our ship name be?”

“I hope it’s not something silly,” You gripped his fingers tightly, yanking him closer to you. “There’s something I’ve really been wanting to do, but doing it in front of everyone and in haunted cabin, just didn’t seem right.”

“Yeah, what’s that?” His fingers caressed your cheek, letting them trail down as he placed his hand on your arm. He marveled at the way you shivered under his touch. He was getting too cocky and needed to be stepped down a notch.

You pecked his lips quickly, the only witness to your kiss was the moon and stars. He soften under your touch, holding you tighter. You pulled away all too quick for his taste and laughed as you made your way towards the cars and the group.

“That’s what you get for being a tease!”

He smiled and followed you spraying holy water from his spray can at your retreating figure.

“You really are a demon!” He joked as he caught up to you and took your hand in his again.

“Another one to add to the list of completed missions,” You grinned shuffling into the van. “Up for another adventure?”

“With you, yes,” He would never stop making your heart flutter.

“I swear to God if you two are going to be this cheesy, I am going to regret setting this up in the first place.”

Yuta was only kidding, considering he was the biggest shipper. The next day at the office the video of you two confessing to each other was seen by everyone. For once, you were glad to have been terrorized by an alleged ghost. You watched as Renjun walked over to you, glowing, and a folder in his hand. Yeah, you’d definitely followed this dork through any “haunted” place or anywhere for that matter.

Paranormal Neotivity masterlist

#neotober #cznnet #neowritingsnet #huang renjun #renjun x reader #renjun #nct renjun #nct dream fanfic #nct dream

264 notes · View notes

raguna-blade · 5 years

Text

Revolutionary Girl Utena Live(ish) Reaction Episodes 8-11

So it's a new year, and I'm gonna continue this, cause its' fun. Had a brief break cause of the holidays. And doing so, I figure i'm gonna do a thing where I make up a nice cleaned up version of these cause if nothing else I like organizing my thoughts. So Control F or whatever your find function is for the cleaned up version if that's your thing. It'll be under Overall Thoughts per ep. Or you know, you're me and you're going back through this for validation for whatever nonsense you say later.

Episode 8

Curry huh? And another recap? uh....

enmy remains trifling

hey wait egg time already?

Danger? Really?

Body swap? Also egg time is goofs

throwin hands????? anthy?

Yeah nanami it is ridiculous

JERSUS TOGA

nanami you idiot

She just fucked off to india to get some weird back alley spice

Shadow girls can you please, just please for a single episode.

ANTHY YOU LYING. Never been good at sports and you did that leap apparently pretty well? What the fuck.

Also, the switching thing here is mad suspect considering the end theme thing (and I suppose the opening.

Utena as Anthy : I don't want to be a sacrifice of the rose seal.

Anthy As Utena: I'm super down staying like this actually.

Like..This is just details that

Uh..Uh saionji what. The implications are strong here. Also, Douche canoe he is, but he's a romantic apparently? UUUUH. Exchange diary.

Is the “A” plot a distraction? Like for real.

Also she took that elephant to the dome.

I'm not sure how to take this personality switch. Like the minds thing whatever, but if it's just the personalties but not the person so to speak, hold on

WHAT THE FUCK. These elephants for fucking real?

Anyway, if they're just personalities altering the “person” it's uh...Interesting. I'm not sure how to take that til I get more info. It seems like a thing.

Also, Saionji apparently legit has feels for Anthy he's just...mad dumb about expressing it? Like he's pulling a lot of Badboy Romance Tropes here but...not...in a badboy romance. Which kills his behavior entirely.

Killed his Soul AGAIN. Damn.

Who's the divine justice for? Like it doesn't seem for nanami. Who fucked up. Presumably between anthy and utena.

Anthy what the actual fuck are you doing. Are you using gunpowder?

Homie, this isn't twilight, go home saionji.

Anthy as Utena(????) you trolling. So hard.

Saionji get's zero respect but dudes dedicated I'll give him that. Fitting for bad boy romance lead.

Uh...Wait, actually, are they all romance leads? Common ones in one way or the other. They are on the student Council so...Hm. I don't read enough romance stories of the variety I think but it seems to fit? I'm not sure what juri would be in that case.

Anyway, if this Episode Turns out to be a key for understanding things I'm gonna be pissed. Just a little.

Overall Thoughts: So this and the other “filler” episode is, especially after finishing my last ep in the session, read as anything but despite the obvious uh...antics on display. Like...

Ok, so the whole thing with the ending which frames Anthy and Utena as kinda the same (or rather exactly the same, except one's in red and the other pink) makes this whole episode feel like it's basically some kind of key for understanding everything else because it's simple times. It's goofy hilarity with Nanami that's the A Plot right hahahah....

Except the personality swap between the two of them is like...The implication here is that they swapped minds fully, and given the level of fairy tale bullshit that is at play constantly in this series so far it may well just be magic brand magic and we're supposed to roll with it. Ok. Fair.

Except...The thought that sits in my head is again, Anthy and Utena seem to equal each other. Hell I point it out slightly later that there's definitely this yin yang thing going on in the opening with the two which is so blatant as to be meaningless because Hah Yeah these are our two leads obvs and they're important to each other so hahah don't worry about or think about it check out these SWEET SWORDSMANSHIP MOMENTS FROM EVERYONE LOOK AT THE BUDGET AND COOL HORSES AND CASTLES HAHAHA.

But ok, if it's a Yin Yang thing, yes they're not the same but they have elements of each other within eachother. So if it's just a personality swap but not an actual soul swap thing, that is, Anthy is just acting like Utena's personality is in her, and Utena is just acting like Anthy's personality is in her it paints this picture of Utena and Anthy as having a lot going on under the surface. I mean obviously Anthy is fucking pissed at Saionji. That was really really evident in episode one because if she's just being submissive rosebride I do what i'm told and I do what i'm told I do what i'm told, the very very very sharp dig of “We're Just classmates” is fucking brutal unnecessity. And given that she DOES know what he feels for her, and he's still acting like that, her being vindictive(or just brusque really, he's being an ass full bore) is like...absolutely reasonable.

Her Slapping back and about to throw hands with her tormentors? Who wouldn't want to right?

But then, ok that's Anthy, but what about Utena. If it's just a mind swap, Utena...want's a very defined existence? Like, she wants to just stick to a role? Feels weird, and doesn't quite immediately jive with her cause that seems against her operations right? Except, as this episode so kindly reminds us (for at least the third time in 8 episodes which seems excessive. I might be forgetting one or two) Utena's whole thing coming to this school is I want to play the Role of the Prince, whatever that actually means. Playing the Rose Bride would be no real difference, except it's way more submissive.

So that aside, Saionji saying he's in love with Anthy (and that seems to be something he at least believes to be true. He honestly seems more into Toga. Like for real for real, all the imagery of those flashbacks reads not just as close buddies, but as I am romantically down with you Toga my guy. Him being Bi is probably the easiest answer, and he just drifted away from Toga for a while. Saionji clearly sees him as a friend and rival, although it's seemingly not reciprocated at the moment.

But the thing, the thing that's kinda weird to me, is that if he does legit have feelings for her, I was struck with this odd vibe that he's playing at being a romance lead. Specifically, a Bad Boy romance lead. And doing so SPECTACULARLY badly. Homeboy is sitting here busting out poetry (unless my brain is being a dumb and i'm somehow overlaying him with Tatewaki Kuno from Ranma which ok, weird but alright) but...

Ok, if he is playing at being a Badboy Romance lead, that actually explains his behavior for how he was treating Anthy, especially if he's legit in his feelings for her? Possessive, Radiates Danger, Engages in Creepy Behavior, is a bit of a dick, etc. It lines up with Being a Bad Boy, except that the way that those usually work out in fiction, as I understand it, they're not usually like...gonna hit you. That breaks the fantasy. But...That's him fucking up the archetype. It doesn't fit for him. He doesn't understand what he's doing in that archetype.

Like yes, abusers and the like can care and still be absuers cause fucked up behavior and motivations don't need to match in the least, but it still feels odd that a man who probably literally could have done any number of fucked up things has...an exchange diary with the girl he says he cares about? And it's not like he's unaware of how submissive/passive she is, his exchange diary actually kinda reads like Utena's Anthy is A Real Girl! Activities*. He wants her to be active part of whatever their relationship is and...Eh.

But ok, if he's that, It suggests the rest of the student council, and duelists in general, would fit into a given archetype right? Toga is clearly the super cool intelligent superman student council president, Juri is basically charisma max Jock, Miki is the cute nerd, Nanami is the Ojou villainess type, Utena is...Basically the Hero type, just morals, strains to upset the status quo, Has the Cool Original Uniform.

And they all kinda fit into those pretty thoroughly, kinda like they're trying to (to varying levels of awareness)

Anyway, I'll hit on some of the other stuff in the next Ep. It's a bit more relevant there I think.

*See Me In Episode 11

Episode 9

I just realized they're doing some kinda yinyang thing in the opening so

R V G FIGHT.

Pretty tense there. Toga went straight for the heart which i'm sure means nothing.

Old Friends? Phrasing seems uh...odd? Unsure if it's dub things or actual subtext. Or both.

Dude you really got beef with a monkey? No, utena.

Being a huge dick. As is tradition.

10 Years.

Saionji: Actually love her (said) but

This is mad gay. Like the lighting, the silhouette. Saionji you're sublimating something here.

Music, Silhouettes.

...Silhouettes show truth? uh.

They were Utena's folks funeral? Huh. Also, why on earth would Utena be kidnapped? Who she be?

….Three coffins. Uh. Uhhhhhh. Utena, Toga, Saionji? UuuuHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH?

Dead utena. Uh.

Toga: Ally to all women. Ok.

...Why is there a third coffin?

Something Eternal huh? And Utena wants to die for reasons understandable.

Find another coffin. Rose Sigils on the coffins. Uh. Uhhhhhhhhhhhh.

Saionji: Hey, this is nuts, we should stop her.

Toga: Nah, I'm gonna Ennable the shit out of this.

Tiny Utena with the White Rose?

Saionji: Did he do something to her?

Toga: Nope

Uh....

Anthy: Something Eternal in the castle. I want to go there.

Also impressive grip strength considering. Flat.

Does Toga Remember this or...? I can't be sure. Saionji certainly didn't recognize her, but he wasn't like right on top of the trauma child.

Toga white roses? Uh? Uhhhhh. I think he definitely remembers. But questions abound.

Ufo's shadow girls? Shadow girls having flesh is deeply concerning.

TRUE FRIENDS ARE JUST FANTASIES. OK.

And UFO's broke, so that's probably not great. Who's getting the Revelations today.

That is the fakest voice toga what the fuck

Badboy Saionji: We're Gonna get the eternity.

Also, I just realized they (saionji and anthy) have color inversions going on which is making me kinda wonder if they're related in some way?

Just slap the shit out of him that's fair.

Ok, so Saionji didn't(?) do the dumb thing. Ok,

that is...a coffin. That he's 100% obssessed with. With Anthy (Utena) inside.

He's looking like he kissed his own mom right now, goin full oedipus in the holy shit revelations here.

Castle is crumbling, falling down. So...Eternity is Fake. Ok. Sure. Didn't shadow girls say that?

Castle Immediately tried to kill him. Crushed his soul 1 time too many there I suppose.

Utena, meanwhile, dove super deep into saving anthy which...diving deeper into the fantasy?

Yeah, they all just saw things.

Saionji: WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED WHATS GOING ON?

Bro, me too.

Ok, if the two are reflections, does Anthy and saionji both got some deep illusory bullshit going on? Are they both freaking out?

Toga, saving the day, and Saionji, tried to kill Utena with a sword. so. Ok.

Saionji Expelled? Toga, fool for thinking they're friends?

WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED HERE?

Overall Thoughts: I touched on a bunch of the Saionji stuff I wanna talk about in the last episode review, but the thing I kinda want to look at here is well...

Ok, Now the colors probably don't mean anything, but there was this moment that Saionji and Anthy were in the same shot and I suddenly realized they're color flips of each other. Purple hair green eyes, Green Hair Purple eyes, which ok that's interesting.

So we already have Utena Reflecting on Anthy, and hey, there's Zero Reason, absolutely negative number reasons why that wouldn't necessarily be the case with any and all of the rest of the duelists to some degree or another.

And hell, the fact that we keep flipping back and forth between Utena and Anthy in Coffins, there being (for some weird ass reason) a third entirely unrelated coffin for Utena's folks funeral, why the fuck not right?

So ok, Anthy and Saionji mirror each other which...Ok. If the Personality Swap from Episode 8 thing holds, The two actually share some pretty dickish actions. They can be cruel and petty and just antagonistic to things that don't quite jive with what they want. Saionji with Anthy not being...whatever he's expecting out of her, or Utena butting in. Anthy with the girls who keep fucking with her and Saionji.

They both seem to be utterly STUCK on the Rose Bride thing, although from different angles of Possessing the Rosebride and being the Rosebride, and the kind of weird shaping of the Rosebride thing that's going on.

Saionji is treated as a joke by the student council, especially after he get's kicked out, which ultimately ends with him being someone who is generally wanted but ends up ultimately exiled from society. Which mirrors with Anthy as someone is is wanted, but doesn't seem to have ANY kind of actual tangible bonds with anyone.

And, for this last one I have ZERO evidence on the Anthy end, but the suggestions are uh..interesting. Saionji in this episode, as suggested by the shadow girls at least in part, is deeply deeply invested in a fantasy of some kind, one that ultimately leaves him crushed and rather empty, further exiled from people who could or do care for him and that he cares about. Which if we're going with the property sliding across and He's a Foil for Utena (which I think is definitely true in some ways) suggests bad things for her down the line.

Episode 10

Saionji's a joke huh? He's taking it well.

Toga WOW. WOW YOU FUCKING DOUCHE. STRAIGHT IN THE FIRE HUH.

EGG TIME.

So, thing about eggs, that includes whats inside it right? so...Revolutionize yourself right? Right? That's obvious right?

Oh new duelist. Cool cool.

Utena getting slapped. By Nanami. With Utena being hella submissive. (EPISODE 8 FLASHBACKS INTENSIFY)

maybe a girl can't be a prince. THERES THAT THESIS. E8 FLASHBACKS

Nanami got her brother a kitty.

Oh damn it is Nanami. Duel Time. I mean we sall it in the opening but you know.

Jesus Toga, please stop being

OH GOD NANAMI NO. NOOOOOO NOPE NO.

Toga: We ain't kids no more. Shit don't fly.

Nanami: Emotionally devastated.

Is that Miki's sister?

Hey, what happened to the cat?

Juri: Hey, Serious Business, what the fucks up with the duelist?

Toga is perpatrating as badly as nanami actually. He's just less immediately obvious about it I guess.

Goddamnit there's Anthy's next slap. Jesus. Legit, who hasn't at this point. Is this a theme? IS THIS A THING?

Jesus, he's just playing all of this to piss her off? What the fucks up.

...Did nanami kill the cat. Uh...Uhhhhhh.

Ring is an engagement ring. Wait, that's a flat out school rule that everyone knows? For real? Uh.

...What the fuck happened with the kitty. Uh...

ITS TIME. ABSOLUTE DESTINYYYYYYYYYYYY

I just realized the kinda weird framing with Anthy dressing up utena kinda looks like her opening her legs up with the way it get's framed and I'm not sure if that's me just kinda over reading things or if that's a thing.

Nanami's duel outfit is SICK. Also, a yellow alt color of utena.

Actually. ACTUALLY? Is...Is Nanami like an Utena Alt color? That can't be right. Actually looking at them right next to each other they're...straight up alt colors of each other. Not to mention Nanami's my prince thing mirrors Utena.

She just HOT pulled a knife. Oh she's About to fucking hot MERC utena, going for death jessus.

They're supposed to be around the same age too for that matter right?

She absolutely killed that cat and it's...

With her hair down she does look like an utena alt color even more.

Why's the duel music still going after the duel finished. Jesus. This wasn't a duel with Nanami, it was a duel with Toga, and I think Utena Hot lost it out and out.

Overall Thoughts: Well the Big thing I'm paying attention here are two. First the simpler one.

The Egg has to break the shell of the world to be born right? I'm paraphrasing badly, but the thing is the way they keep phrasing that is that the World is the Egg, but the egg isn't just the shell right? It includes what's inside of it. Which if that's the case, mixed with the way that duels work out being more a clash of ideals than of actual tangible skill, the revolutionize the world bit seems to be referring to them themselves, that is the duelists.

Alternatively, the Bird Referenced, the thing being revolutionized is Anthy. Which...Is an interesting line of thought. Given the Duels as a whole are basically choosing who her fiance will be, that'd imply that ultimately this decides the way that Anthy would come to develop? Or how she chooses to develop? Which ok if so, and the way that Ideals seem to be at play, Suggests...What? Dunno. Need more info, which will be delivered later.

But the other thing here, continuing the mirroring thing, which might be me reading too deeply, but I think not and even if it is Whatever I'm having fun.

THE ENTIRE NANAMI DUEL felt like a Mirror Match.Heck, Nanami dressed like an alt color of Utena, and especially once her hair got undone she looked even more like an alt color of Utena. They're only about a year different in age, and her brother seems to be her Prince type, and he drops the ring on her like an engagement ring, and she basically says I fight like my brother because he's my ideal.

Which is a weird thing since right now it's not going...too far. I'll have to see how it shakes out, but if the mirroring thing continues, the fact that the moment she lost she basically said nope fuck that, Knife Time, was...Concerning. It says real concerning things with Utena.

But it also says other interesting things then, because if Nanami is supposed to be some kind of Alt color Utena, similar in ambition goals and the like, if more outwardly girly to Utena's princey thing, their relationship with Anthy is uh..

Uh...

Well put simply, Utena is fucking up big and dramatic with Anthy, and she doesn't realize it at all or care because she can't see it for what it is. Nanami actively tries to undermine Anthy, and does some fucked up things to her. Which..Makes me wonder about the Divine Judgement thing from Episode 8 which, damnably, seems to be forming some kind of key here.

Like the way it's frame suggests the divine Judgement being visited upon Nanami is what's being talked about. But ok, Nanami had some bad shit happen to her sure, but...All of that was self inflicted upon her trying to fix what she percieves as a problem. Yes her reasons for doing it are so she can be with her brother, no doubt, but...They're ridiculous. Like, I cannot believe this shit is happening. But

But

If the Target of Divine Judgement/punishment is the Anthy Utena duo, one or both of them are on the receiving end of it. It's not clear how Acting like Utena would be a punishment for Anthy (I'm sticking with it just being a personality swap and not a full mind swap) but Utena who prides herself on being princely and aspires to that being the super submissive rosebride? I could see that being a kind of hell for her. And if the logic of Utena is Undermining Anthy holds out, but the criitcal difference being her ignorance and dishonesty of why compared to Nanami unabashedly saying yes I am fucking doing this fuck you I get what I want no hold barred, it...

Like, Nanami, as far as it goes, doesn't really receive a punishment if we're being honest. Yes she takes a couple of elephants to the dome, and has to be away from her brother and see her thing fail but..The way it's treated by herself and everyone else is basically a LOL THESE THINGS HAPPEN I GUESS HAHAHA. The Utena/Anthy swap meanwhile seems considerably more serious for them (especially considering the Everyone Slaps Anthy thing that seems to legit be a thing. Somehow. Except here Applied to “Utena”), and seems to cause some serious distress.

We'll see I guess.

Episode 11

As I watch this opening more and more, why is anthy like constantly framed like...Ominous as shit? Is it me?

Homegirl is just. Damn. Sure glad NOTHING BAD WILL HAPPEN (I do not trust this series to not have something bad happen to Wakaba. Again.)

Anthy. Are..are you...passive aggressively doing...something

Toga: I can see through the illusions yeah boi.

I do not trust this for an inch. He is abusing the shit out of his framing, like the whole time, and I don't trust.

Toga is “student council prince” archetype. Miki's nerdy student counciler.

EGG TIME

Juri is...Antagonistic But well meaning?

Saionji...I'm not sure he was actually on the stuco. But if so, bad boy.

What....is with the balloons. The color coded balloons.

Miki: Like a Pet Cat.

The Pet Cat that died, got killed.

WHAT IS WITH THESE BALLOONS.

ALSO I SEENT YOU PURPLE BALLOON.

So if the duels are ideal clashes more than actually a matter of direct skill, is this Toga (touga?) trying to fuck with Utena before the fight?

Anthy is a Bird. Ok. And Toga, arguably, being the biggest dick here. We thought it was Saionji, but the trick was he's the red part of the rose.

Anthy shut down REAL quick when being the rose bride was brought up.

Is Utena projecting mad hard onto Anthy here?

Homeboy needs to stop playing these games.

Utena, Stahp. DO NOT TRUST HIM.

Toga, You...DOUCHE. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH

Toga: Oh My B, Shouldn't act that way in front of the rose bride. ALSO DUELING LETS GOOOOO.

Utena: one link forces me to fight him. Meanwhile, rose symbols everywhere, a lot of them brought in by anthy.

Hmmmmmmm.

Utena is hard not understanding something here. I don't know what (rose bride related for sure) but I don't get...WHAT is off here.

Cause thinking about it, Utena's objective with Anthy is arguably the most noble, but she's still not quite treating anthy as a person.

….William Tell Interlude is SUITABLY CONCERNING considering the above thoughts so uh.

Also that was a weirdly specific number. 30K arrows or something?

I just realized that the DARKNESS OF DARKNESS OF LIGHT OF DESTINY OF (INSERT) things seems to show up right around anthy a lot. I'm not super sure if that's a whole thing or just a this episode thing, but...

Is Utena about to get HOT DUNKED? Because I think she is.

Also, I just realized, Utena slid into that pull sword out of rose bride thing right quick and she's never once questioned that.

So yes, Utena has BOOTY but cheeks swordsmanship, which yeah, obvs. Two of the people she beat were actually skilled before this fight, and yet she won somehow.

I don't know how to deal with these lyrics. But Toga is absolutely fucking with her head here.

And She Lost. Decisively. YUP. WELP THIS IS GONNA BE A THING NEXT TIME.

Toga: Hey you don't have to deal with this bullshit anymore.

Utena is doing the EXACT same shit Miki and Saionji were pulling, and Anthy's blank soulless stare is freaking me the hell out. Again.

So, ideals here. But the idea that whoever has a...better grasp of the truth is the victor. Which makes sense that Toga wins here.

Jesus, Soul crush 2.0, except it's on Utena this time. Goddamn.

WELL NEXT EPISODE PROMISES TO BE FUN.

Utena: ITS NOT TRUE. ITS NOT TRUE!

The Anime Revolutionary Girl Utena IMMEDIATELY: MISSING TRUTH ETCETC HOLD ME IN YOUR TRUE ARMS I WANT TO KEEP SMASHING LIES APART

SURE THAT MEANS NOTHING GUYS GGNORE.

Also, no joke, these seem like a Direct response to this episode and I'm not sure how to feel about that.

I want to be hated by lies? Uhhhhh.

Overall Thoughts: So Hey, Here we are in Episode 11 and I want to talk about how Utena and Saionji basically are each other right here.

Like overtly even I think, even if the actions aren't precise clean mirrors to each other which I guess is just how i'm going to be going through this series right now RiP.

But ok, here's the thing. What has been increasingly clear as time goes by is that Utena is fundamentally misunderstanding something about Anthy. I'm not sure fully what it is, but it's clearly Rosebride related, and the thing with the clashing ideals suggests that the.

Actually let me explain that clear like. Right now my read on the Duels is that they are NOT in any way shape or form a demonstration of skill. I Think that's clear through this point, but I'm making it explicit for my own sake. The Victor of the Duel isn't the better fighter. If that were the case, It'd suggest the only ones in the running at all would be Toga or Saionji (Juri should also be in here, but I'm not actually clear how skilled she is compared to those two, and the way they're treated suggests that Toga and Saionji are comparable in pure skill/ability.)

But Utena somehow beat Saionji like three times, Juri and Miki. Miki's whatever, but Juri clearly knows what she's doing, and Saionji seems to be Kendo Team captain so you know. Up there. Meanwhile, Utena explicitly is an amateur.

I'm not saying, in full, that actual skill with the blade is a null thing, but your ideals seems to be the biggest factor over everything else. Presumably, people rocking equally “powerful” ideals would fall to skill with the sword.

Anyway. The Truths that Seem to be critical are Anthy Wants to Be Free of the Rosebride. Ok, so Utena has the right read then right? But then she lost to Toga who seems to be rocking Anthy Wants to Be, or else Considers herself fundamentally to be, the Rosebride, which is something that Utena seems to be denying about Anthy, but is none the less true.

But then, How are Utena and Saionji the same? Well, remember an episode back where I was talking about the divine punishment thing and all that jazz from episode 8?

It hits both of them for mistreating the Rosebride. There is a fantasy going on between Utena and Saionji, and while Saionji's is a bit complicated and unclear I think, Utena's actually is pretty straightforward I think. Utena want's to be a prince. That's her fantasy. The general virtues she want's to possess are great. Good even. But the specific's seems to involve a kind of rides in and saves the day riding in on a white horse thing, where she's the hero and does for some poor unfortunate girl what her prince did to her.

Saionji's meanwhile, seems to be something of him having a genuine reciprocal relationship with Anthy, with him inhabiting the role of a badboy romantic lead while the two of them have feelings for each other. When, really, he doesn't seem to care for her, or at least the feelings that he has for her are considerably weaker than whatever awkward feelings he has going on for Toga (I'm seriously a little fuzzy here, cause it feels like following his most recent defeat he's rocking some kind of clarity? I don't know how it's gonna work out, but I could sorta see him Returning and upsetting whatever the then status quo is.)

But notably, the big thing between them is their staunch refusal to accept what seems to be really true about their relationship with Anthy.

That the end theme seems to immediately pop up as an answer to Utena's reaction feels...Purposeful.

#revolutionary girl utena #liveblogish #In which I just have to accept that i'm probably gonna be looking at foils everywhere for everything #Things Get Spicy #I should really consider getting images but for right now i refuse.#liveblog

2 notes · View notes