#and my parents (who were in a bit of a panic) misinterpreted this and thought i was in too much pain to talk 😭😭

[misiahasahardname]

i found a photo of me in the hospital after my first seizure and i am wearing the most HORRENDOUS combination of clothing imaginable 😭😭

thinking of redrawing it with mikey because epileptic 2012 mikey is real

[thomcantsleep]

Rambling About my Autism: Masking, Self-Exploration and Understanding Eachother

I don’t know if I speak for every single neurodivergent person out there but I don’t struggle with autism. I struggle with other people not having it or not even having a concept of what it is. I don’t expect total empathy but it would be nice if I got a centimeter of wiggle room when it came to social situations without coming across like I want cheat codes for life.

I use the pronoun “my” because everyone experiences autism differently and it’s such a complicated diagnosis that it’s entirely understandable why neurotypical people are very confused by it. It doesn’t help that autism isn’t really touched upon in education or that representation of neurodivergent people in the media is pretty poor. Often, whenever an uninitiated neurotypical person thinks of autism, they either think of edgy internet humour or Rain Man and they’re just as bad as each other in my estimation.

I was diagnosed in Primary School when I was about seven years old but at the time, I didn’t think much of it. I might’ve told some of my friends at school but I couldn’t tell them anything about what it meant or anything. I never understood why my parents took me to this place far out of town where this man in a suit was asking me bizarre questions and conundrums or why I had to leave the room for several minutes whilst the man just spoke to my parents.

I was one of those kids who was steadfastly attached to a counsellor because I had a short fuse in the nursery which carried on until I was about nine years of age. I don’t remember her ever having a conversation with me about my diagnosis. Maybe she wasn’t qualified to speak about it or something, I don’t know.

Anyway, I only really took notice of it when I was fourteen because I started to realize that I was missing pieces of puzzles all the time. Throughout school, I had a terrible fear of failure in the sense that I didn’t want to try and do anything without very specific instructions because I was scared of the consequence of doing it wrong. People would tell me jokes and I wouldn’t get them. I would miss social cues sometimes. I was overly self-conscious of things that “normal” people aren’t supposed to be self-conscious of like the size of my shoes.

Then, I was worried about telling anyone because of the stigma attached to it at the time. Being raised by the internet mostly, people made fun of autism all the time and not in a particularly fun way. Being autistic meant that you were stupid and sub-human. I feared facing direct harrassment in real life so I left it alone for a bit. Only my friends knew about it.

It wasn’t until I was about eighteen where I realized that it was something special about me; it was part of my character. I read more about it. I talked to people online who also had autism or they were concerned that they might have it and encouraged them to be diagnosed. I was exploring it and I realized that it was more interesting than I thought. I embraced it. One of the very few good things about the internet is that you are allowed to be who you are and find other people who are the same as you. I know this is because of social engineering and advertising etc but still.

To this day, I still live with it and it still does bother me from time to time but I feel like part of being human is self-exploration and learning to live with yourself. There are still times where I act irrationally because I’m socially paranoid which is an off-shoot of me being a constant thinker. There is still a fear of me doing or saying the wrong thing to upset people or that I’m misinterpreted. Not having many friends at school, I’m keen to get attached to people but I get quickly overwhelmed and anxious. I would still probably suffer a sensory overload in nightclubs which can lead to something like panic attacks All this is part of learning about yourself and it’s a disservice to not try and address it. Not to solve it, but to realize who you are and accept yourself.

What some neurodivergent people are self-conscious of is the idea of masking. This essentially means that you hide autistic behaviours by doing an impression of a neurotypical individual which is a practice that is definitely unhealthy. I’ve been guilty of this throughout university when I’m rubbing shoulders with people I barely know because there is an element of safety in it. Ultimately though, you should be allowed to be yourself in real life and I do know that there are some people who see my overanalysis in conversation and wished that I would shut the fuck up. What I say to that is that there will be people like that anyway if you’re autistic or not and we should work together to normalize being who you are. “Normal” to me is who I am.

Really, I’ve had it easy in comparison to other autistic folk. Some won’t find out for ages that they’re autistic because they don’t have anyone around them showing concern or, if you’re AFAB, you have to jump through all these hoops because of the inherently sexist industry. In 2021, the “woman are just hysterical” viewpoint is indeed, still a thing. I spare a thought for people who are getting diagnosed after their teens when I got diagnosed in about an hour. To those people, I encourage you to keep pressing forward with it and to not give up getting the help and support you need. It’ll be alright because it’s not as scary as Rain Man makes it out to be.

If there is anyone reading this who is concerned that they might be autistic or that they know someone who does. I say that you don’t need to be concerned. If you want to be diagnosed, push for the diagnosis but if you can’t or you don’t want to. That’s fine too. Do what I did. Reach out to other autistic people and talk to them. Join a Discord server and have a chat because there are more neurodivergent people out there than you might think and they are all looking to open the conversation as well.

Outside of that, I don’t know where this was going. Just try and understand each other.

[itsnotwierditsart13]

Holy Shit (ronance fanfic)

A small little fic about Robin and Nancy getting together:)

It was a thankfully slow day at Family Video as Robin and Steve worked their shift together. Robin was building a new cardboard display case for a shipment that was supposed to have arrived hours ago. Everything was always moving in slow motion at this job, though, and Robin enjoyed it thoroughly. Meanwhile, Steve couldn’t even bother to look busy as he slumped in the one old raggedy chair that Keith allowed them to have. It was pouring rain outside, the windows rattling from thunder every so often. There were probably going to be at least 2 more customers coming in before they closed in four hours. Mostly just older ladies who shouldn’t be driving a car, let alone in the poor weather conditions. Ms. Matheson, a store regular, never rewound her tapes fully, always halfway. It drove Steve crazy, even though he expected it.

“We should have Nancy come by, since it’s so dead,” Steve stated casually as if he didn’t have ulterior motives. He was slumped in his chair, eyeballing Robin for any type of reaction. It was clear that she had feelings for Nancy. After everything that had happened at Starcourt the four of them had formed a bond. Hanging out together most days, sometimes including the kids.

“Don’t start,” Robin replied while flinging a piece of cardboard at him. It narrowly missed his head and landed on the dirty carpet behind him. “She’s my friend and straight, if you’ve forgotten. I’m not gonna indulge in whatever you’ve cooked up in that head of yours.” There was another boom of thunder, drowning out Steve’s exasperated sigh. It was the same conversation they’ve had about twenty times since Steve had picked up on Robin’s feelings. 

“It’s just...sometimes when she’s looking at you. She’s looking at you. Ya know?” Steve explained. He was entirely convinced that Nancy felt at least something more than friendly for Robin. The two acted differently around each other. “And she knows you’re a lady lover. Maybe you’re like her gay awakening or something,” he finished, causing Robin to raise an eyebrow at him from across the counter. 

“Whatever you say, Dingus.” It was clear that Robin didn’t believe a word he said. “Now, can you make yourself useful and hand me the duct tape,” she gestured to the roll that was out of her reach. He rolled his eyes as he passed it over to her.

He didn’t have the heart to mention that she was building it upside down.

_______________________________________________________________

Robin was beginning to lose her mind at a rapid rate. It was clear Steve was going to be no help in the situation as he sat on the far end of the couch, minding his business. 

The three of them, minus Johnathan, had decided to have a casual Friday night movie marathon. That was nothing out of the ordinary, except the minute Steve flicked the lights off and started ‘A Nightmare on Elm Street’ Robin’s brain almost short circuited. Nancy, who was previously sitting a good distance away, curled into Robin’s side like it was the most casual thing in the world. She wiggled around enough that Robin had no choice but to wrap an arm around her small shoulders. They were now fifteen minutes into the film and Robin couldn’t process anything that was happening. She knew that her body was rigid and stiff, almost like a statue, but it was impossible to relax. What was Nancy doing? Sure, they had hugged before and the occasional times they’ve had to sit closely. Nothing like this had ever occurred, though.

Nancy seemed relaxed and engrossed in the movie. Robin had been side-eyeing her. Meanwhile, Steve continued to act like nothing strange was happening. Although Robin knew that he was fully aware of the situation at hand. The asshole was probably feeling pretty smug currently. Robin would’ve thrown popcorn at his stupid hair if her arm wasn’t already occupied. Despite the growing anxiety, it felt good to have Nancy against her. The girl was warm and small enough that she fit perfectly under her arm. Nancy’s arm that wasn’t wedged between them was laying gently across Robin’s stomach. It was all so...intimate. Robin had no idea what to think of it. This was the closest she had ever been to another girl before. On top of the fact that she had feelings for said girl. 

That thought alone filled her with guilt almost immediately. Nancy was probably used to cuddling up to her girl friends like this, why should Robin be any different. The fact that Robin was a lesbian probably wasn’t even a thought in Nancy’s mind. The girl had taken the news in stride when Robin had slipped up and came out accidentally a month ago. Here Robin was, though, catching feelings for an innocent straight girl. A straight girl who was currently happily tucked into her side. Shit.

Robin stood up abruptly, dislodging Nancy and causing Steve to startle slightly. “Um, I have to pee,” she mumbled out unconvincingly before taking off down the short hallway. When she was finally locked in Steve’s small bathroom she let out a sigh of frustration. It was times like these that she wished she could just be normal. It took another few minutes to calm herself down enough but she knew she had to return to the couch eventually. It would look suspicious if she hid in the bathroom all night. 

When she walked back out into the darkened room, Nancy glanced over at her with an unreadable expression. She quietly sat back down and did her best to avoid the two pairs of eyes that she could feel on her every so often.

Nancy kept her distance for the rest of the night.

________________________________________________________________

A week had passed since the ‘Movie Night incident’, as Steve had dubbed it, and things had only gotten stranger. To Robin’s horror, Nancy had been touchy feely with her every chance she got. Such as, entwining their hands while walking or resting her legs over Robin’s in the car. It was causing Robin to be in constant gay panic mode, which was exhausting to say the least. The more it occurred, the more Steve found it entirely amusing, though. Also, Nancy was always hanging around with them at the Video store. She’d stop in and bring them lunch, even if it was just for a few minutes. It was as if Nancy was doing everything in her power to give Robin a heart attack. 

Despite everything, Robin could only feel herself falling harder for the other girl. It pissed her off. She could barely focus when the other girl was around. Currently, she was trying not to stare as Nancy walked into the store with all the kids trailing behind her. Dustin immediately made a beeline for Steve, who was stocking shelves. The others all screamed over each other about which movie to rent. Will, with his sweetheart face, gave a small wave to Robin as he passed. He would always be her favorite of the bunch. 

“Hey Robin,” Nancy greeted casually, a small smirk on her face. She wore that expression a lot now and Robin couldn’t decipher it to save her life. “Sorry for the midday child tornado. I’m dropping them off at the Byers house but they wanted to stop for movies,” she joked. Robin had to swallow around the lump that had formed in her throat and waved her arm dismissively. 

“Please, it’s been bleak around here anyway. The only person I’ve had to talk to was Dingus,” Robin responded, gesturing over to Steve, who was now surrounded by all the kids. He was probably getting ready to hand them over a movie that they shouldn't be watching at their age. Nancy let out a laugh and stepped forward until she was standing directly in front of Robin.

“Yeah, I know the feeling. Especially when I’m stuck watching Mike while our parents are out,” she spoke and then paused, leaning in a bit more. “Although, I am pretty jealous that he gets to hangout with you all day. Even if you have to deal with customer service.” Robin held her breath as Nancy just kind of stared at her with that same unreadable smirk. Before anything else could transpire between them, Max sprinted through them towards the register. The others followed behind soon after, all yelling about her movie choice. Nancy just rolled her eyes while Robin finally let air into her lungs again. The spell was broken after that as they both made their way over to the, still arguing, group.

Robin didn’t miss Steve making kissy faces at her from behind Nancy’s back. He’d seen the whole exchange.

________________________________________________________________

Another week passed by in much the same fashion. It all came crashing to a sudden halt when Nancy had stopped by the store on a Sunday afternoon. Steve wasn’t scheduled and it was just Robin watching the counter by herself. Nancy had only been there an hour before flustering Robin to her breaking point. 

“Okay!” Robin shouted, causing Nancy to startle and take a step back. They had just finished their coffees that Nancy had gotten them while talking easily. When there was a moment of silence Nancy got that smirk on her face again. The one she’d been sporting constantly the last two weeks. Out of the blue, as if it wasn’t a huge deal, Nancy leaned over and kissed her cheek. “You can’t do that! You’re gonna kill me!” Robin continued to rant. She could feel the heat rushing to her face as Nancy just stared at her with wide eyes.

“Do you…um? Do you not have feelings for me?” Nancy asked hesitantly with confusion in her voice.

Robin sucked in a breath of air so forcefully that it made her cough a little. “What!” she wheezed out, grabbing ahold of the counter. Nancy had the decency to look sheepish as she shrugged her shoulders gently.

“I sort of overheard you and Steve talking about me. More specifically that you...liked me. But now I’m realizing I’m an idiot and probably misinterpreted the conversation,” she finished, taking another hesitant step back from Robin. “Oh god, you probably think I’m a freak now.” Robin just continued to stare at the other girl in shock. “You were just trying to be my friend and I was touching you constantly. I am so sorry,” Nancy ranted while waving her hands around anxiously. It was clear she was working herself up into an all out panic attack.

“Wait,” Robin startled, holding her hand up suddenly. “You were flirting with me?” The statement caused Nancy to stop her pacing and look at Robin.

“Well...yeah. Obviously,” she gritted out aggressively and crossed her arms over herself.

“Do you have feelings for me?” Robin yelped back. Nancy just scoffed and let out a bitter laugh.

“Jesus Christ, Robin, you’re really gonna make me say it? Yes...I like you, a lot. You’re funny and caring and I just feel comfortable around you,” Nancy’s words were mumbled out but Robin caught the whole thing.

“Holy shit, Nance,” Robin breathed out in disbelief. The other girl just looked up and glared back at her. With that look, Robin realized what a dumbass she’d been and smiled widely. Before Nancy could comment on it, Robin gathered all her courage and leaned forward to connect their lips. It took a few seconds for Nancy, who was probably confused, to kiss back. They stood there kissing gently while everything else around them faded away. Robin wrapped her arms around the smaller girl, pulling them as close as possible. She could feel Nancy smiling into the kiss. 

It wasn’t until a few minutes later the sound of the door chiming broke them apart. Luckily, they were behind a shelf so the visitor couldn’t have seen what they were doing. Robin just rolled her eyes as Steve came strolling around the corner, though. Of course he’d make an appearance even on his day off. When he spotted the two of them he stopped dead in his tracks. It only took a moment for him to take note of Nancy’s blush before he smiled widely. 

“You two look like you’re having fun,” he stated. In the next second he had to dodge Nancy’s swatting hands. Robin couldn’t keep the smile off her face even if she tried.

[imaginejamesandsirius]

James comes back as a vampire 12 years after the fact (so 3rd year for harry in like december) and the law says children can't live alone with vampires so James has to marry someone by the end of the school year or harry goes back to his aunt and uncle. James starts to panic until Remus informs him that gay marriage has since been legalized, after which he proposes to Sirius, and he says yes and they're very in love and it's so cute

Hogwarts had vampire wards. James hadn't known about that. His idea had been to march right up to Dumbledore and ask what the hell he was thinking, leaving his son with two muggles that hated magic, but he couldn't get through. It's not like he'd been planning on kidnapping Harry (well, he’d considered it but decided otherwise), but he wanted to see him. It had been over a decade. The last time he'd seen his boy, he'd been a baby; he could say a handful of babbled words and run around, and that had been it.

James gave a frustrated kick to the impenetrable wall that was keeping him from seeing his son, then whirled away to find Remus. He'd already seen in the paper that Sirius was an escaped convict, which wouldn't make him easy to find. Remus, however, was very likely still in Wales, staying in his parent's old house.

He needed somebody to help him plan. There were a dozen different things that needed to be done, and he no idea how to accomplish any of it. Which he wasn't used to. Becoming a vampire had changed more than just his diet.

For the first five years, sunlight had burned him, so he couldn't leave if he wanted to. And his sire hadn't wanted for him to leave, so he'd been unable to. It was only when his sire bit off more than he could chew-- centaur, you'd think he would've known better, even if their blood was supposedly ambrosia-- that James had been able to leave the grounds. And he wasn't too sure about whether or not immortality was a myth, but he did know that his body hadn't changed appearance since his transition. He wouldn't be surprised if, sixty years from now, he dropped dead from old age and that was the end of it.

Most importantly right now though, was the fact that he couldn't think. His mind was muddled. All he could think about was how angry he was with Dumbledore for having left Harry with Lily's horrid sister and her husband. A couple that James knew for a fact hated him, and he couldn't imagine that they would be any kinder to Harry now than they'd been when he was a baby. The need to protect Harry was burning him from the inside out.

He knew that Remus was the only person he trusted that was available to help him, so he went to his house. It was empty. James gave a frustrated snarl and left just as quickly as he'd arrived. Where the hell could he be?

He walked for a long time. Long enough that the sun set and he was walking in total darkness. Perk of being a vampire was that he could still see. He'd been hoping that he wouldn't need glasses anymore, but he did. He should find sunglasses though, for when the sun came back up. It didn't burn him anymore, but it was awfully bright; he'd spent all day squinting against it.

*

As it turned out, he hadn't been able to find Remus because Moony had been at Hogwarts, teaching Defense. James had been hanging around Hogsmeade when there was a weekend out for the students, and that's how he saw Harry again. He was a little ashamed to say that he'd scared him. He hadn't meant to, but he'd sort of grabbed him away from his friends, and then he'd seen Snape and his fangs came out and... yeah, it was better not to dwell on it.

All's well that ends well, because Sirius found him that afternoon because of the commotion, and Harry had actually looked happy to see him when he had to head back inside Hogwarts for the night.

"I can't believe you're here," Sirius whispered. He was looking at James like he was a miracle.

James knew the feeling. When he'd learned that Harry had been living with the Dursley's, he'd thought that Sirius was dead. It hadn't taken long before he was in Wizarding London and saw all the Wanted posters, but a part of him had still wondered. After all, if Sirius had been alive, there would've been no reason for him to be in Azkaban, and if he had been in Azkaban, there was no reason for him to have waited so long to bust out.

He didn't understand any of it. He didn't know how things had gotten so bad so quickly. He'd been Turned, and Lily had been killed, but Sirius had been Harry's godfather, and if he hadn't been around for whatever reason, Harry should've gone to Remus! There was a line of people that Harry should've been raised by, and the Dursley's were nowhere in that line.

"What happened?" James asked instead of replying to what Sirius said. "What the hell happened?"

Sirius shook his head. He threw his arms around James and started to cry. James held him while he sobbed, and then for a long time afterwards.

Dumbledore sent him a patronus requesting a meeting, and Sirius transformed into Padfoot and made himself scarce.

James would love nothing more than to meet with Dumbledore and ask just what the hell he had been thinking for the past twelve years, but there was a little snag of he couldn't get through the bloody wards. He sent a reply saying basically that, and a minute later, Dumbledore came out to him.

Before hello's could be exchanged, James said, "How could you send Harry to live with those people?"

"With you gone, Lily and Marlene dead, and Sirius in prison, they were the only legal option," Dumbledore replied calmly.

"What about Remus?"

"Werewolves can't raise children alone, and Remus was not married."

"That's bullshit." And it must've been made into a law after him and Lily went into hiding, because it sure as hell hadn't been one when they set everything up.

"Personal feelings aside, it is the law." Dumbledore hesitated, then said, "Vampires are also unable to raise children unless they are married to a non-creature."

James paled, a cold fear sweeping through him. "What? But- Harry's my son. No one could keep him from me."

They continued talking, and Dumbledore explained the law and when it had been passed. There was all sorts of anti-creature legislation now, and it was throwing a wrench in James's half put together plans. In the course of their conversation, James was able to convince Dumbledore that Sirius was innocent. He didn't even know what Sirius had supposedly done, but he was able to convince Dumbledore of it.

*

Potter Mansion wasn't in great condition, but it was empty, and both him and Sirius could stay there. When winter break came around, Remus stayed with them as well. He wished that Harry could, but his guardianship was up in the air, and having him stay would be more like kidnapping than him spending the break with his father.

Sirius was in the process of being cleared of all charges, but since it hadn't gone through yet, he didn't have the legal right to raise Harry. Remus and James were creatures, so it's not like they'd be spontaneously allowed to raise him.

"I hate this," James said. He was sipping on blood, and Remus was nursing a cup of tea. Sirius was upstairs, sleeping. He spent a lot of his time sleeping so that he could recover faster, but it was still a slow process. By the time his name was cleared, he probably wouldn't look like a walking skeleton anymore. Skeletal or not, James still thought he was the most beautiful person he'd ever seen.

He did wish that the Ministry would hurry up. They said that it would be at least a year before Sirius would have the restrictions lifted, but it would likely take longer than that. James wasn't sure there was a rhyme or reason to the different rules, and he hated it. For instance, he was able to live on his own if he wanted, but he couldn't be the sole guardian of a child. He could travel around Great Britain, but he wasn't supposed to fly or use a portkey. One toe out of line, and Sirius could be arrested until the verdict was reached.

"Being a vampire?" Remus guessed.

"No. This whole custody mess with Harry. I can't raise him unless I get married, but who the hell am I supposed to marry? If I had a friend who was willing, it would be easy, but everyone I knew is dead. Which means I have to find some bird and convince her to marry me even though I don't love her."

Remus looked at him for a long moment.

Misinterpreting what the look meant, James said, "See? It sucks. There's no way I'm going to pull it off. Harry's going to get sent back to that sodding house where they hate him."

"James, some things have changed since you were last here."

"Don't even try to tell me that they don't hate magic, because Harry told me, and-"

"No, not that," Remus said with a small smile. "I meant that two men can get married now. It's legal."

James jerked, sitting up straight and looking at Remus with an intense focus that he hadn't been able to manage before he was a vampire. "Say again?"

"Two men can get married." You and Sirius can get married.

"You’re a genius. Is Sirius allowed to get married right now?"

Remus nodded. "I checked. I thought it was weird that you didn't already do it, but." He shrugged, and James understood. He hadn't known that he could marry another man, and Remus had thought there was a legal boundary that he hadn't been aware of, so he'd checked for them.

"Huh." James looked down into his glass of blood like it had the answers he was looking for. "How should I propose? I want it to be great. Something he can look back on and know how much I love him."

"I'm not great at romance," Remus said, scratching at his ear uncomfortably. "So erm, all I'm going to say that Sirius always knows how much you love him."

It was a nice idea, but Remus didn't know how insecure Sirius could be. It had only gotten worse since all their time apart. James understood, and he didn't begrudge Sirius for it for a second, but he also wasn't going to talk to Remus about it. Some things were personal. "Yeah. I'm sure I'll think of something. I just want it to be perfect."

"I'm sure it will be," Remus said, giving him a comforting smile.

*

"I love you so much," James said softly, brushing Sirius's hair away from his face. Not that it had been in his face very much to begin with.

Sirius smiled. It wasn't wide and overtaking his entire face; it was a small, private thing. Like if there was anyone else in the room, he would still want for James to be the only one to see it.

"I hated having to live without you for so long. I kept wanting to get out. I dreamt about getting home to find you and Harry waiting for me."

"I'm sorry it wasn't like that," Sirius said, regret and sorrow making his voice weak.

"No, that's not what I mean. I mean that thinking about you got me through it. I couldn't see the sun for so long, but when I thought about you, I didn't feel as trapped. You were my warmth. My freedom. There were times that I worried I was putting you on a pedestal. That I'd get out and find that you weren't how I remembered, but you're not. Things have changed, but you're still the person I fell in love with. You're as amazing and perfect as I thought you were when we first started dating. I never want to live without you. I want us to be a family the way we should've been this entire time. You, me, Harry, and Moony in the other room, rolling his eyes at us."

"I want that too. It sounds perfect."

"You think so?"

Sirius gave a small nod.

"I'm glad to hear you say that, because I was thinking... well, Remus told me that we can get married now. It's legal."

Sirius froze, then pushed himself up so he could look James in the eye. "This isn't a joke, right? You can't be joking about this. I need you to mean it."

"I mean it. You're everything I want. I love you. I want us to be together for the rest of our lives. I want to call you my husband. So, will you? Will you marry me?"

Sirius looked like he was about to cry, but they were happy tears this time. He opened his mouth to say something, but his breath hitched and he closed it again. He nodded.

"Yeah?" James said, a grin stealing across his face.

Sirius nodded again, and James pulled him into a tight hug.

"I love you so much." Things might've been shit when he first got here, but everything was falling into place, where it should've been from the start.

[the-sympathetic-villain]

I Know What You’re Going To Say - Chapter 1

AO3 | Next | Masterpost

Description: A Beauty and the Beast style Vampire AU. Vampire!Virgil has picked up Logan off the street and is holding him captive under the threat of killing his friends if he tries to escape.

Word Count: 1801

Chapter Warnings: Angst, Kidnapping, Restraints, Death Threats, Psychological Manipulation, Mentions of Parental Homophobia/Abandonment, Unsympathetic!Virgil (Let me know if I need to add anything!)

---

    Logan shivered as a cold draft passed over his neck. A soft groan escaped his lips as he attempted to lift his heavy head. He immediately stilled his movements as his vision blurred and he suppressed a retch as his head started to swim. He gritted his teeth trying to settle his stomach while he searched his mind for any recollection of what had happened to him.

    Did someone...drug me?

    Slowly, feeling came back to his body as he pulled himself out of unconsciousness. His muscles ached, rebelling against the movement as he forced himself to resist giving into his own weakness.

    I was walking with Roman. What happened?

    He clenched his hand into a fist, feeling a thick cord cut into his muscles as he tried to move them. Forcing himself to blink his vision clear, he wearily turned his head to where his arms were stretched out to his sides. Logan swallowed, bile filling his throat at the sight of his wrists hanging limply against the pipes to which they were bound. He groaned as pins and needles erupted in his fingertips as he tried to wiggle them. The person who had bound him to the piping behind him clearly hadn’t been too concerned with his welfare when he'd tied the cords tight enough to cut off his circulation.

    Logan tipped up his head up, glancing around him. The room around him was dimly lit and mostly empty, but he could just make out a few crates spread out on the far wall in front of him. They were stacked as if preparing for shipping, nearly cutting off his line of sight to the only door he could make out in the dark. The ceiling hung high above him and he could just make out the long industrial lights hanging above him and he scanned down the room until his gaze finally dropped to his own legs spread out on the concrete ground beneath him.

    A warehouse?

    “Move and you die.”

    A sudden chill shot up Logan’s spine as the deep voice echoed in the space around him. He froze in place, allowing only his eyes to move as scoured the dark space for the source of the stranger's voice.

    “What do you want?” Logan’s stomach twisted at the sound of his own weak voice, suddenly aware of his own vulnerability.

     “Clearly, I have what I want.” A shadow shifted in his periphery and Logan’s head shot up toward the dark figure casually strolling up to him. He blinked and attempted to swallow back a wave of nausea as he struggled to focus his vision on the man as he slid out of the dark. Unfortunately, his efforts were wasted and the man remained no more than a black shadow through the haze of his brain.

    Logan grunted as fingertips curled in his hair, yanking his head up. His vision blurred as his eyes watered. Swallowing back his fear, he forced his eyes open to catch sight of his captor. He squinted, furiously trying to focus on the figure in front of him.

    “You’re prettier than most of my meals.” The figure muttered in an almost disinterested tone. “It's almost a shame I have to break that perfect skin.”

    Logan shivered as the man's hand brushed over his neck. “If you want money, I can get y—"

    “I don't,” The man snarled. “and you'd best give up that line of thought. Nothing you can offer will get you out of this.”

    Logan sucked in a breath. His shoulders felt heavy from the effect of the drugs, but he bit his lip and forced himself to remain rebellious of the man’s control. “Surely, you have a price.”

    The man hummed thoughtfully. “I do, but it’s not going to get you home.”

    “If you’re not going to let me go, then why would I barter with you?” Logan growled as his head was yanked to the side.

    “Well, forgive me if I've misinterpreted your good nature," The man leaned closer, breathing down Logan’s neck. "but you don’t seem like the type to enjoy being responsible for his friend’s death.”

    Roman—

    Logan’s heart dropped as his memory came flooding back. Roman had been walking home when the shadow had grabbed him off the street. His friend’s yells echoed in his ears as a wave of anxiety rushed to his chest.

    “What did you do to him?!” Logan cried out as he pulled away from the man’s hand, growling as the man caught his chin with a tight grip.

    “Nothing, but if you want it to stay that way, you'll shut your mouth.” The man hissed in his ear threateningly. "And if you ever scream in my ear again, I'll end your miserable life."

      Logan clamped his mouth shut, breath catching in his throat as the man curled into his neck. He forced himself to keep his eyes open even as his vision blurred,  desperately trying to catch some details from the man in front of him. The black hood of the man's sweatshirt brushed his face and he could just make out dark rings below his eyes as the man breathed down his neck.

    “This is how this is going to work.” The man's deep growl vibrated on his neck. “You belong to me now, Logan Nagel.”

    Logan’s heart stopped as the stranger whispered his name in his ear. He shivered as the deranged man leaned back and lifting a cold hand to his chin. Logan went limp with panic as the stranger tilted his head to the side, looking him up and down.

     “Right now, your pretty friend is now safely asleep in his bed, and when he wakes up, he'll think that the monster who attacked him was all a bad nightmare.” An unnatural smile spread across the strange man’s face. His eyes glimmered dangerously as the dark circles under his eyes darkened. “At least that's what he'll think until he finds out his friend has disappeared last night without a trace.”

    Logan stifled a whimper in his throat as the stranger sneered at him. He closed his eyes, stealing himself as he started to plead. “Please, if you want money, I can—"

    “I don’t need money.”  

    The stranger stood up, chuckling as Logan flinched away from the movement. He casually stepped back, leaning against one of the support beams as he allowed Logan to catch a clear glimpse of his captor for the first time. He stood tall. Even if Logan weren't bound on the ground, he would guess the stranger would loom over him. The purple tips of his dark hair hung over his eyes, glinting in the dim fluorescent light as he moved across the room. His jet-black pupils only served to accent the dark circles under his eyes. Logan glanced down the stranger's body and gulped. Somehow, even in the over-sized black sweatshirt, he could tell the stranger had muscular, narrow shoulders and his thought was confirmed as he stared at the stranger's black skinny jeans, which left little of the man's athletic build to the imagination.

    “You might as well give up on the idea of bargaining your way out of this, Logan. The life you knew is over.” The stranger stated dryly, pulling a cell phone out of his pocket lazily. He glanced at the screen, typing away at the screen as he continued speaking. “From now on, you do whatever I ask, whenever I ask. And if you give me trouble, I'll bring your friends here and kill them in front of you.”

    “W-what?” Logan whimpered quietly.

    “What was the pretty one's name again? Roman?” The stranger sneered down at him cruelly as Logan’s heart seized in his chest. “And let's see. He has a brother. A disgusting punk type, if you ask me.”

    Logan’s mouth hung open as he felt himself start to shake. “How do you—”

    “Though I wonder if you'd even care if I got rid of him. You might even appreciate me keeping him away from your brother.” The stranger looked up from his phone briefly. “He's the one whose squeal could shatter glass. What was his name again?”

    Logan trembled. His fingertips suddenly felt numb with panic. “No…”

    "Patton!" Logan flinched at the man’s sudden exclamation, curling his knees to his chest. “That's the useless brat's nam—

    “Stop.” Logan cut him off harshly, grinding his teeth in frustration. “You won’t get away with this. They’ll catch you and my father will see you rot in prison for the rest of your life. He’s the district attorney, and if you don't let me go immediately, he'll—”

    “Don’t lie to me, Logan. Your family cut you off months ago.” The stranger cut him off in an almost bored tone as he returned to tapping away at his phone. “Pretty boy lost his trust fund because he accidentally let slip he was gay to his bastard parents.”

    Logan stared at him blankly. “I haven't told anyone about that.”

    “Not even your brother. I know. I've been watching you for a long time, Logan.” The unfamiliar man shrugged typing a few last keystrokes before shoving his phone in his pocket. “Sucks that you outted yourself, but that's not my problem. You’re a nobody now, just like the rest of us, and that means no one's coming looking for you.”

    “My friends will try and find me.” Logan growled bitterly. “They won’t rest until they do.”

    “Maybe, but you really don’t want that to happen.” A sinister smile spread across the man's face. Even in the dim light, Logan could see the man's lips curl into a smile, revealing his sharp canines. “I have no problem killing them if they get too close.”

    Logan's jaw dropped as he realized the strange man had backed him into a corner.  

    “And I'll remind you again, don’t inconvenience me. I don't care enough to be patient with you.” The man shoved his hands in the pockets of his sweatshirt, glaring at him intently. “Try to escape and I will kill everyone you care about and then finish with you. Got it?”

    Dropping his head, Logan felt his throat constrict as he tried to swallow down the wave of emotion threatening to overwhelm him. His tired mind raced at the realization he may never see his friends again. He bit his lip as the fight left his body as his chin dipped to his chest. Numbly, he nodded, distracted as he tried to process what was happening through he haze that still clung to his brain.

    “Good.” The man didn't even tip his head up as he turned to leave, calling nonchalantly over his shoulder. “Get comfortable. These four walls are the only thing you’re going to be seeing for a long time.”

---

General Taglist:

@somehow-i-got-an-account @justanotherhumanstuff @im-an-anxious-wreck

[backtothestart02]

The Football Star and the New Girl - 1/? | westallen fanfiction

A/N: I suck at titles lately...oh well. Enjoy this first chap! The story itself is based loosely on a dream I had. :)

...

Synopsis:  HS!AU - They were like ships passing in the night. Would they ever meet on the same page?

...

Chapter 1 -

Francine West walked down the hall and peeked into the open doorway of her daughter’s bedroom. She found her sitting on her bed, her things packed in multiple suitcases at her feet, but she herself – Iris West, 14 ¾ years old – did not look very excited to be leaving her home without her family. She was looking at a photo album. Tears were staining her cheeks.

Francine rested her head against the door frame as she watched her, her heart aching to heal the wounds she knew would only grow more with time.

“It’s not too late to change your mind, you know.”

Iris’ head whipped toward the sound, and she hastily shut the photo album and tossed it onto her bed, wiping her cheeks quickly after.

“Mom!”

“I’m sorry. I wasn’t interrupting, was I?”

She walked into the room, and Iris scooted over a little so she could sit next to her on the bed.

“No, not at all. I’m glad you’re here.”

They shared a sweet look, then Iris leaned her head on her mother’s shoulder. Francine held out her hand, and Iris intertwined her fingers in her mother’s grip.

“I still want to go,” she assured her.

“Yeah?”

She nodded against her shoulder.

“I need stability, mom. I can’t be moving around going from school to school every six months. I’m proud of dad, of course, and I love being with you all. I’ll miss you a lot, but…I want friends and the same school and a life.”

“A boyfriend?” Francine nudged her gently.

Iris rolled her eyes and smiled.

“Maybe…eventually. I’m only 14, Mom.”

Francine nudged her again.

“14 ¾.”

Iris laughed.

“Yeah, yeah, okay. A boyfriend would be nice, once I get to know the guy for more than a couple months. But first, friends.”

“Friends are important too.”

Iris nestled into her mother’s embrace and sat in silence for a while.

“What about Wally? Is he going to be going to new schools every-”

“I’ve decided to attempt homeschooling.”

Iris lifted her head.

“You have?”

She nodded.

“He’s only 10, so the curriculum is simpler, and he’s pretty introverted, even around us, so Ruffly can suffice for his friend. At least for now.”

Francine pursed her lips. She did want real, live human friends for her son, as well as for her daughter. But for now their golden retriever seemed to be what got the most laughs out of young Wally West. She would hope that lasted at least through another school year.

“I’d take him with me if I could,” Iris said.

“You’d take both my children from me?” Francine asked, only half joking. “What am I supposed to do all day long without your brother to drive me crazy?”

Iris looked into her mother’s eyes and saw that they were watering.

“Oh, Mom, I didn’t mean-”

“It’s okay, honey.”

She sighed and pressed a kiss to her daughter’s temple.

“I know it hasn’t been easy for you, losing your friends so often because we have to move. It’s the life of a military family, I’m afraid. I signed up for it when I agreed to marry the man, but you, my baby, were just born into it.”

She pulled back to look into her eyes.

“I want you to know though that if at any time the school isn’t working out for you, we’ll come get you in a heartbeat.”

Iris winced. She knew it wasn’t that simple. They were moving overseas to a new post. Iris would be staying here in the U.S. Even if the school was a bit of a move for her too. It wasn’t anything she wasn’t used to.

Still, she obliged her.

“Yeah, okay, mom.”

She smiled, but Francine knew better.

Footsteps sounded down the hallway, and interrupting their little moment came Joe West with little Wally West on his back. Joe was dressed in all camouflage wear, and Wally was giggling from bouncing up and down on his “horsie”. Ruffly was close at Joe’s heels.

“What is this here?” Joe asked, witnessing the tear streaks on his two ladies’ faces.

“Dad!” Iris sprung up.

She ran to him, and he slowly released Wally off his back, who promptly complained when his shoeless feet hit the floor.

Joe hugged his daughter tight, lifting her off her feet briefly and kissing the side of her face.

“Oh, baby girl, are you sure you want to go?”

Iris laughed when she was back on her feet again. She wiped away fresh tears.

“Yeah, I’m sure. I’m just gonna miss you guys, but I need this. For me. Okay?”

He sighed and nodded, then looked across the room at his wife.

“She’s so grown-up.”

“I know.” Francine sniffled.

“Why is everyone crying in here?” Wally asked. “Aren’t we gonna see her for Christmas?”

Everyone laughed.

“Aren’t you gonna miss me at all, you little punk?” Iris asked, ruffling his curly hair.

“Eh, maybe a little.” He shrugged, uncaringly.

Iris rolled her eyes.

“Well, it’s time to get going then, yeah?” She looked at her parents who nodded.

“Yeah,” Joe said. “That seven-hour drive is no joke.”

“Seven hours! That’s a lifetime!” Wally whined.

Ruffly barked.

“Just wait till your plane ride,” Iris egged him on. “That might be even longer.”

Wally groaned. “I hate traveling!”

“Better make sure you have something to keep you occupied with then, Walls,” Joe said, and with that Wally zipped out of Iris’ room to make sure his many bags included plenty of toys to play with on his very long journey.

“I’ll go help him,” Francine said. “We’ll meet you at the door with his things.”

“Sounds good.”

Joe smiled, but it was pained. Once Francine had left, all the toughness had melted away again, as it often did with his baby girl.

“Boy, am I gonna miss you,” he said.

“I’m gonna miss you too, Dad.” Another tear streamed down her cheek, and he was quick to wipe it away. “You look so handsome in your uniform, Dad.”

He chuckled.

“Alright, enough sadness for now. We can do this again in seven hours.”

She laughed. “Okay.”

“You wanna help me get all a million and one suitcases out to the car?”

She took a step back and looked around her room.

“Yeah, sorry about that.”

“You can apologize by helping me.”

“Deal.”

She smiled, and slowly they made their way to the front door and then the driveway with all seven of her suitcases. It took a few trips, but then she knew she would need every bit of her belongings for the long school years that lay ahead.

Her family would visit as often as they could, of course, but it would be difficult with them living overseas. She probably wouldn’t see them again until her dad was forced to move again like they were doing now.

But she’d thought long and hard   this. She longed for friendships that lasted, for a life beyond what was available to a military family. She needed to connect and to be free for a while, even at the sacrifice of not seeing her family every day, especially her mom and baby brother. This new school – Huntington Farm and Boarding School – would be just the ticket.

Out in the middle of nowhere somewhere down south, the school was on a huge stretch of lush land that also served as a farm – no animals, just crops, which was a shame, Iris thought. She’d miss having even just her dog around too.

But the place was renowned for its academics and social scene there in the middle of the wilderness. A boarding school for those who needed it, traveling families mostly; and if the colorful flyer they’d sent in the mail was any indication, Iris would absolutely love it.

“Everybody ready?” Joe asked, when everyone had piled into the car sometime later.

“Ready!” the family cheered.

Joe chuckled and started the car.

“Huntington Farm and Boarding School, here we come. Watch out for your most dazzling student yet.”

He met Iris’ eyes in the rearview mirror, and they sparkled.

“You know it!” Iris said.

Joe grinned and backed out of the driveway.

They were all on their way to bigger adventures now.

…

One year later…

Iris sat on top of the fence on the edge of the football field, waiting for who she hoped she hadn’t misinterpreted wrong. After nearly a year of first claiming he didn’t like her and then months of mixed signals, Iris was convinced he actually did like her, as much as she liked him.

Sitting on the fence post waiting for the guy to come kiss her seemed like an odd tradition, but it was built into the social aspect of the school, and she figured it was the only guaranteed way she’d know if he was really crushing or not.

She’d dressed as cute as she could for a game, and soon she’d know if it would pay off or not.

Biting her bottom lip, she gasped quietly when she saw him coming around the corner heading right towards where she had herself perched.

Barry Allen was the star football player – star of every sport he could get himself into really – and they’d been making genuine eyes at each other for weeks. Now, as he approached her, it felt as if their whole future was hanging in the balance.

He stopped about 20 feet away. Bracing himself maybe for the decision he’d have to make? Presumably have gained the courage, he continued his walk, headed straight for her and stopped directly in front of her.

Iris waited, her heart hammering a mile a minute in her chest. He was tall enough to reach her – so tall, but she bent her head anyway, and sure enough their lips met in a soft, tender kiss.

She opened her eyes as he took a step back, but the smile on his face was undeniable. So was hers.

Just as he was about to say something truly romantic – she’d decided – one of his teammates burst behind them.

“Did you just kiss Iris West?”

Barry spun around, panic on his features.

“I-”

Another teammate appeared.

“Wait, what?”

“Barry just kissed Iris!”

“But I thought he hated her. He swore he did.”

Iris tensed on the top of the fence, waiting for Barry to smooth the whole thing over. It couldn’t be that big of a deal that he’d pretended to hate her all while flirting with her on the downlow for nearly a year…could it? It was annoying to her for sure, but his teammates couldn’t be that annoyed, could they?

Barry never smoothed it over.

His teammates left, looking disgusted, and Barry looked back at Iris for one more moment, not knowing what to do. Then he left, calling after them.

“Wait, guys, it’s not what it looks like!”

And Iris sat alone on top of the fence, the magical memory of her first kiss completely shattered.

How would they come back from this?

[bouwrites]

Maribat March 2020 Prompt: Fake Dating

Week 4, Day 5.

Maribat March 2020 Calendar.

Day 1: Sweetheart’s Dance, Day 4: Roommates, Day 6: Time Travel.

Ao3.

1964 words. Story under read-more.

“Hey, Marinette! My beautiful, clever, resplendent bestest friend ever!” Jon grins as best he can into the camera, watching as Marinette’s face quickly morphs from happy to see him to exasperated. Of course, he knows he’s being obvious, and he can tell from the look on her face that she’s going to call him out on it. He hopes for just a little bit of time instead of jumping right into this as his greeting, but… well, he may as well get to business. “So… guess who’s dumb?”

Marinette arches her brow. “Damian?”

Jon can feel his cheeks warm as he reluctantly shakes his head.

“Oh, no, Jon. What did you do this time?”

He coughs awkwardly. “So, uh, I was like, flirting with Damian a bit an-”

“Excuse me. Why, exactly, would you flirt with Damian Wayne?”

“Because it’s fun!” Jon protests. Marinette’s expression tells him all he really needs to know about her position on the idea. “It’s not like he’s ever going to notice! He just gets confused and does that funny scrunching thing with his nose.” Jon scrunches up his nose, pointing to it as he makes a silly face.

Marinette starts cackling. “He does not do that!”

“Close enough! It’s funny! And his brothers think it’s funny, too, so they’re not going to tell him I’m doing it on purpose, so I’m safe! Or, I was, anyway.”

“Oh, dear, who caught you?”

“Dad.” Jon covers his face. “Honestly, I’m not sure if I’m more terrified of him finding out I’m bi, or of him being all for it and trying to set me up with Damian.” Marinette just continues cackling, like a traitor. “It’s not funny! Dad’s bad enough, but do you know what Bruce would do if he thought I liked Damian?!”

“Ahahaha! I’m sorry, Jon, but this so your own fault! What did you expect when you flirted with Damian Wayne?”

“I just thought I’d mess with him a bit! Just have a bit of fun at his expense after all the stuff he’s done to me! I didn’t think Dad was going to eavesdrop! Stop laughing!”

“I’m sorry! I’m sorry, I just… that’s hilarious!”

“Marinette!!!” Jon whines. “Fine! Get your laughs. I may as well tell you how I made it worse, now, so you don’t have to stop before you start again.”

“Oh, heavens, there’s more?”

“I don’t need this!”

“Sorry! Sorry! Tell me! What’d you do?” Marinette is grinning ear to ear and on the edge of her seat. Jon tries not to take personally just how much she’s enjoying his suffering.

“So, uh Dad pulled me aside to ask about what I was saying to Damian, right? And I sort of panicked?”

“What did you say?”

“I, uh… I kind of blurted out that I have a girlfriend and ran away.”

Marinette honest to goodness snaps her knee. She’s wheezing by the time she finally says, “Jon, you didn’t.”

“Don’t judge me! I was panicking!”

“Isn’t being a superhero supposed to, I don’t know, teach you how to work under pressure?”

Jon covers his face. “Shut up! I’m seriously freaking out right now! He knows I lied. I’m sure Damian does, too.”

“Oh my god. Damian heard you? That’s even better! Ahahahaha!”

“Mari, please!”

Marinette valiantly fights her giggles, though her success leaves a bit to be desired. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. This is serious. Hilarious, but serious. I’ll try to contain myself.”

Jon slouches over, hanging his head. “I seriously don’t know what to do. I’m not ready to have that talk with Dad! And I definitely don’t want to talk to Damian about it.”

Marinette sighs the last of her giggles away. “Well, why not? What are you afraid of?”

“You mean, aside from coming out to my family? Maybe Damian or Dad or Bruce or, God forbid, Mom misinterpreting something and trying to play matchmaker?”

Marinette opens her mouth, shuts it, and then shrugs. “That’s fair. You know your parents are going to be cool about it, though, right?”

Jon fidgets nervously. “I mean, Dad was raised in rural Kansas, Marinette. I’m not really… confident.”

“Jon, your grandparents raised a literal alien. I guarantee you they won’t mind if you kiss some cute boys.”

“Those are completely unrelated, but thank you. That does make me feel a little better. I’ve just… never talked to them about it before. I mean, they seem okay with the other heroes and stuff but it never really gets brought up? I don’t know how they’d feel about someone in their family being bi.”

Marinette gets a sly grin on her face. “Aside from your dad’s obvious crush on Bruce, you mean?”

“Marinette! No!” Jon covers his face. “I was being serious!”

“Ahaha, sorry, sorry. I’m only teasing.” Marinette says. “But alright, so, what are you going to do about your dad?”

“Ugh, I don’t know! I was hoping you’d have some… ancient queer wisdom, or something?”

“Alright, let me think. Well, you told them you have a girlfriend, right?”

Jon frowns. “Yeah. But there’s no way Dad didn’t notice how I was freaking out, and even Damian isn’t that oblivious. They know I don’t.”

“Don’t you, though?” Marinette leans conspiratorially closer to the camera.

“Uh… no?”

“Don’t you?”

“Mari, I don’t understand what you’re trying to tell me.”

Marinette giggles. “If it’s for you, I’ll be your beard. You can tell them I’m your girlfriend, then we can break up later.”

Jon surges up in his seat. “Seriously? You’d do that for me? Oh, Marinette, thank you so, so much! You’re the sweetest, awesomest, coolest, bestest… augh, I don’t know! You’re the best person in the world!”

“I’m aware.” Marinette chuckles. “But mostly, you deserve the chance to come out when you’re ready. I’ve got your back.”

There are few people in the world with the ability and courage to lie directly to Superman’s face. Jon is almost more terrified of Marinette than he is of the potential consequences of this going wrong when she proves that she is, without a doubt, one of those people.

He expects it, though Marinette doesn’t tell him exactly when she’s coming, when she appears in the watchtower, transformed as Ladybug, with half-amused fury. Some of the loitering heroes wisely move out of her path, and Jon blanches when she makes a beeline for him. “Seriously, Super Boy?” She stops in front of him, hip cocked an eyebrow raised as she looks at him with that scary, scary anger. “Not a week into it and you announce it to your dad? I thought we agreed not to tell anyone!”

Robin openly smirks at Jon. Despite not knowing the details, he can tell Jon is in trouble and that’s enough to laugh about. Jerk. And several other heroes are gathering around to watch, as well, including Superman. At least she has good timing. “I, uh…” Jon starts. “I’m sorry?”

“You should be! Ugh, you are so lucky I love you! I should’ve known you couldn’t keep it a secret.”

“I… well… it was only Dad!”

Ladybug rolls her eyes. “Well it’s too late now. May as well stop the charade.”

Jon carefully brightens up, an expression he practiced in the mirror a thousand times just for this. “Really? Just… open?”

“Yeah. We still on for tomorrow?”

Jon grins. “You bet!”

“Great.” Ladybug grabs his collar and pulls him down to quickly kiss his cheek. “Still mad at you, but I’ve got a lot of other stuff to deal with right now, so I’ll see you later.”

Despite himself, Jon feels his cheeks burn when she kisses him. “Y-yeah. Later.” Ladybug takes off, leaving the rest of the watchtower in her wake, including Jon staring after her, thinking, God, she is so cool.

He’s only broken out of his reverie by Robin’s comment. “Wait, so you were telling the truth about having a girlfriend? And it’s Ladybug?!”

Jon blushes but smiles smugly at his friend. “Yup. Why would I lie about that?”

Robin scowls and turns back to his work, leaving Jon to chuckle in relief. One down. Now, just… He turns hesitantly to face his dad. One to go.

It has to be believable, Marinette says, which is why they agree that they only started dating last week. No one will believe they can hide it long. Or, at least, that Jon could hide it long. It’s also why Marinette engineers this whole thing in the watchtower, right where Superman and Robin can both see, because if he wasn’t supposed to tell then he has reason for his panic when his dad asked him about flirting with Damian. Even if it does make him out to be a bit of a jerk.

He’ll take it, happily, if it makes the whole “flirting with Damian” thing ancient history.

The lecture his dad gives him about pissing off his secret girlfriend is totally worth it. And when Jon tells him the story Marinette came up with behind why she wanted it quiet in the first place, he buys it.

Jon leaves the watchtower that day feeling like a kid in a candy store.

Their first date is planned for appearances. Marinette is already one of Jon’s close friends, so it’s really not all that awkward. They just go out, eat lunch together, and hang out for the day. It’s a lot of fun!

The second date is planned knowing that Damian is stalking them. Damian has been giving him curious looks, recently, so maybe he’s trying to confirm that they’re actually going on dates. Jon is affectionate with Marinette, of course, but most of their time together in person is in the watchtower and he and Marinette both try to be more professional there, so Jon can see where the suspicion comes from.

Still, Jon doesn’t much appreciate being watched. Marinette whispers in his ear to remind him that they have to reinforce their ruse, and this will get Damian off their backs for at least a while, so Jon reluctantly agrees and pretends to not know his friend is there.

They hold hands, but past that for the most part they just keep doing what they always do. They joke and laugh and goof around. At one point, Marinette cuddles into his side and Jon can’t help the little stutter in his heart.

Little things like that – their fingers interlaced, her tucked under his arm, soft lips on his cheek for just a moment – it’s different. And it’s a lot. It makes his gut go sideways and upside down like he’s falling instead of flying. Jon returns the gestures, reminding himself that tricking Damian is worth any weird feelings in his chest.

Their third, fourth, and fifth dates they don’t bother wondering if someone is watching them. They’re pretty sure someone does at some point, but they don’t particularly care. They just act like they’ve got Damian on their tails regardless.

On the sixth date, they’re watching the stars from rural Kansas, not quite close enough to anywhere to have to worry about anyone catching them, not even the folks who live out here. There’s no need to keep up appearances – really, there’s no need to be out here at all – and yet some confusing part of him is telling him to make a show. He looks over at her, splayed out haphazardly, limbs crossed over his own, as the stars gaze into her eyes, and he wonders if he can convince either of them that they need to cuddle closer, that he needs to hold her hand to his lips or to sit up and lean in and…

He can’t. He can’t do that. But he can dream.

On the seventh date, he realizes he wants that dream.

[lady-griffin]

Emma. (2020)

So, I just saw Emma. with my parents and we absolutely loved it.

It was absolutely fantastic. The costumes, the acting, the tension and drama of Emma and Mr. Knightley and just the sheer opulence and indulgence of all the wealth. Just everything.

But especially the costumes, they were mwah!

Emma is my mom’s favorite Jane Austen book and she just loved this movie to pieces. I think this movie has become her favorite adaptation of Emma, which is saying something.

Autumn De Wilde did an amazing job with this. She really did!!!

Such a great modern adaptation of the story without it actually being modern in its setting. 

Here are some (ha!) of my thoughts and feelings for this movie 

Spoilers Below

I have always felt that slight connection to the story and the character, because I was literally named Emma because of the book. And I think some of Emma’s flaws and strengths are similar to my own.

Anna Taylor-Joy did such a truly wonderful job as Emma. You knew all the faults and flaws of Emma right away, but you can’t help but like her, sympathize with her and just be charmed by Emma.

In that way, I think the audience truly sees things from Mr. Knightley’s perspective despite him not even appearing on screen until a bit later on.

Taylor-Joy’s portrayal of Emma breathes new life into the character.

Box Hill Scene

I think that’s why the Box Hill scene felt so awful in this adaptation. My parents and I gasped, even though we all knew it was coming, and maybe I just haven’t watched an adaption in a while, but you feel it.  

You really feel it.

You feel so awful for Miss Bates and the awkwardness of the entire situation and of course you’re angry at Emma, but also feel so bad for her, because she feels so bad for her comment. 

Of course, Miranda Hart’s portrayal of Miss Bates is another factor to why this scene punches you in the gut.

You want Emma to apologize to Miss Bates, but you also want to comfort her.

It’s really done well. 

Frank Churchill 

Interestingly, this movie made me strongly dislike Mr. Frank Churchill.

In other adaptations and if I’m not mistaken in the book as well, it really is Emma misreading and misinterpreting Frank’s friendliness.

But in this one, he’s definitely putting on a show with his relationship with Emma for the single purpose of misdirecting people away from Jane and him.

When Emma feels that initial attraction to him when they meet, it certainly does seem like he is leading her on and it’s not just simple friendliness. 

And there does seem like the easy interpretation that he’s worried that Emma (especially since she brings up Jane Fairfax in their first meeting) might figure out their engagement, so he wants to misdirect her/ I don’t know how true that is or even the intention of the movie, but the thought crossed my mind when watching. 

In other adaptations, Jane and Frank feel like a good match and all that and I’ve always been curious to their own romantic story going on in the background. 

Here, I couldn’t help but think (despite we didn’t get a whole lot of Jane) that he’s the one who is so lucky and fortunate to have her and less so the other way.

He’s not sinister or anything and you get his motivations, but at the same time you kind of want to slap him or at the very least I did.

Especially in two particular scenes.

 1. The scene where he talks about how he doesn’t see himself as prosperous and privilege (they use another word but I forgot, but that’s the main gist)

He felt super unaware of reality, particularly since this adaptation highlights the ostentatious wealth and the ridiculousness of it all. Emma rolled her eyes and I was just like, “Bitch Please!” 

2. After Emma insults Miss Bates, he becomes standoffish and completely ignores her.

Only Emma is responsible for what she said, but yet I couldn’t help but be miffed at Mr. Churchill, because he’s the one who insisted on the game and “egged” on the scene out of boredom before the moment happens.

There is a shot of Emma looking at him and he’s in the foreground taking a bite of an apple and just…

This movie did a particularly good job of making Mr. Knightley’s dislike of him feel very valid and warranted. And I don’t think I’ve really ever had such a negative reaction or opinion of Frank Churchill as much as I did in this movie.

He’s not the bad guy like Mr. Elton, definitely not, but Mr. Knightley’s assessment of him is more accurate than in other versions.

Emma and Harriet 

I loved the friendship of Emma and Harriet. I felt the movie really pulled off their entire relationship from Harriet starting out as a “doll to play with” for Emma to a genuine and close friend.

At the end, Harriet tells Emma she’s engaged to Mr. Martin and she quickly side steps Emma. 

And you think that Emma’s earlier meddling is the cause, but Harriet reveals her father has revealed himself to her. He not some gentile gentlemen and she’s so worry that Emma won’t be her friend now because she isn’t the daughter of a gentlemen, which Emma suspected.

And the relief she feels when Emma tells her that she should of course bring him to Hartfield was just everything. 

Also, the fact that Harriet is clearly shown as being the best way to get to Emma – from endearing yourself to her to hurting her is just perfection.

The scene where Mr. Elton refuses to dance with Harriet, you just feel the pain of both Harriet and Emma. He wants to hurt both of them and he succeeds. 

And then of course Mr. Knightley saves the day when he offers to dance with Harriet. 

Mr. George Knightley 

Johnny Flynn did a fantastic job. He truly did. Just him being the critic Emma needs, to acting superior to her and learning to be better, to him being a disaster of a man who suddenly realizes he’s in love with Emma and cannot handle it in the slightest. 

Emma and Mr. Knightley

The Dance!!! The Dance!!!

From Emma not wearing gloves, to it starting out as just friendly/platonic to them both realizing they have feelings for the other. I loved it. I absolutely loved it!!

Their bare hands were touching -- the sexiness and tension of it all. 

And of course, the confession scene between Emma and Mr. Knightley. 

From Emma thinking/worried he’s going to confess feelings about Harriet to him thinking that Emma is heartbroken over the news Frank Churchill and Jane Fairfax.

And the nosebleed.

Probably a bit different for me and my parents in its significance and relevance to us, just becauset that throughout my life I’ve had random (and severe) nosebleeds. A random and extra connection, besides the shared name.

I just loved that their big romantic confession scene was Emma’s nose bleeding and her ugly crying and Mr. Knightley being so awkward. It was just perfection.

Particularly since, while not said, you could feel (or at least I thought this) Mr. Knightley’s annoyance and antagonism for Mr. Churchill at its height.

Because as much as he likes Jane as a person, I couldn’t help but think Mr. Knightley was thinking “You could’ve been with Emma and you chose not to!!! How stupid can one man be?!!!”

And of course, there were so many other scenes where you fell in love with these two.

- Emma thinking that Mr. Knightley might have sent Jane the piano and might be in love with her. The sheer panic and spiraling on her face alone was amazing. 

- Harriet getting hurt and Emma thinking she’s in love with Churchill so she requests that he stays and Mr. Knightley go and the palpable dejection and hurt from Mr. Knightley was just everything.

- Mr. Knightley saying that the only woman who will invite guests to Donwell Abbey will be Mrs. Knightley and until she exists, he will do it himself.

I don’t know why that scene in particular stuck with me, but it did.

I think because in that moment it seemed like Emma just realized that there could be a Mrs. Knightley for her Mr. Knightley and now that she is aware of her feelings, she does not like that in the slightest.

- Mr. Knightley undressing and collapsing on his floor due to his feelings for Emma and thinking she’s in love with Churchill (also the servant entering and just leaving the room)

Just everything okay. I loved everything.

Major Highlights

-- Bill Nighy as Mr. Woodhouse was just an absolute treat.

He feels a draft that no one else feels and it’s absolutely hilarious and great.

Also, his ‘distraught’ of losing his eldest daughter and Miss Taylor to marriage and the prospect of losing Emma to him purposely giving Emma and Mr. Knightley some privacy in the end. Just my heart.

-- The scene where Mr. Elton says it’s supposed to snow that night and he says it so casually and calm and you think it’s just awkward small talk and then it suddenly turns into pure chaos. Amazing. Sheer cinematic gold!

-- Josh O’Connor did a great job playing Mr. Elton. From the ridiculousness of him to him just being the worse. 

-- Mr. Martin having like at most 2-3 lines. And yet still makes such an impression, well done Mr. Connor Swindells.

-- The costumes were truly stunning, they really were.

I highly recommend you go and see this film. I just loved and adored it. 

[delimeful]

First time they saw Patton cuddling with Virgil? (Like y’know the energy thing maybe?) Or Virgil protecting the three of them from some other alien?

Okay, now that Making Adjustments is out in full, I’m posting all the asks that inspired me for certain parts or even just to continue writing! Thank you to everyone who sent in ideas/what they wanted to see/theories, I really appreciate it! All asks under the cut!

@ironwoman359 said: I’d be really interested to read about what the first week or two aboard the ship with all four of them was like. I’m sure it was a big adjustment for all of them, and it’d be really cool to see!

@skeletonsloverockcandy said: WINBAR prompt - Virgil’s first night on the ship, is not with Patton, and gets a nightmare. Logan finds him and Virgil has to explain his nightmare/dreams

@the-princey-pie said: Logan mentioned that Virgil would probbaly have trouble fitting through the space ship doors. Now I really want to see Vorgil stepping into their spaceship the first time/navigating it for the first few weeks.

@indigomasquerade97 said: WIBAR prompt. Virgil is Stitch from Lilo and Stitch. You know the scene I’m talking about! ;) Roman is still freaked out with the idea of having a human on board, and one night (maybe on patrol, since he is still jittery from loosing Patton and doesn’t want to loose him - or Logan - again) and he gets freaked out by the nocturnal human suddenly being in the room? IDK

Anonymous said: So. I was wondering for the WIBAR prompts, what was Virgil’s first night on the ship like? How did Roman and Logan act towards him? And is he worried that his relationship with Patton is going to change now that he’s back with his family? Sorry if this is a lot…

Anonymous said: WIBAR prompt idea: Food! Since food is often culturally connected for humans, would it be the same for our alien friends? And if they have any, from Virgil’s pov., strange food items etc. Would be interesting to see considering they are all from such different species. :D

@justanotherpurplebutterfly said: WIBAR: did Patton tell his crewmates how to interpret Virgil’s body language? Did they figure it out for themselves? Did they struggle to remember when they saw him smile or stretch (and make himself big) or something?

Anonymous said: I would love to see some V POV or adjustment period/cultural differences! (particularly L/R’s reactions to V smiling, differences in diet/hunting styles, what V considers a threat vs. what LMP consider threats… anything that highlights the deathworlder in Virg! (Space Australia is like my fav thing that came out of tumblr)) also maybe some more of L/R’s thoughts on Patton befriending a space boogieman?? I really really love this au! :)

Anonymous said: OoOOooh okay how about,, Virgil’s POV as they head back to Roman and Logan’s ship and get on, (and maybe if he doesn’t know the species Logan and Roman are he could ask? That seems the easiest way for us to learn more about the boys without it being too awkwardly shoved in) and V’s probably awkward because he doesn’t know Lo and Ro and Ro’s openly hostile and he wasn’t expecting to go along with them and idk you decide. Also :DD wibar’s not done yet!! Tysm; I’m really enjoying it!

@bishopriecke said: Okay, so I’ve got a couple prompts so I’ll send them separately in case that’s how you’d wanted them? The story is absolutely adorable and it made me think of the sleeping habits back on the ship. There’s space for Virgil, but will Pat gravitate to sleeping with him, since it was such a comfort and Virgil only gets sleepy if he snags energy during cuddles? If he’s tired/virgil’s stressing over something will he wander over to where Virgil is chilling and settle in his lap? How’s Ro&Lo react?

@bumblebeekitten said: Do any of the others attempt to learn Virgil’s language? Or maybe Virgil quietly tries to dispel some of the more hurtful rumors about ‘deathworlder humans’?

Anonymous said: What would wibar Roman and Logan do if they couldn’t find Patton? Would they assume Virgil had done something?

Anonymous said: While waiting for more WIBAR, I keep re-reading everything (Act 1, Intermission, all the world building asks). Right now, I just want to plead with Patton to go find Virgil as he needs comfort, to calmly tell Logan that I don’t blame him, and to hiss at Roman that, while he has had bad experiences and that is valid, he needs to be nicer. Granted, a reaction like that from a human fan-nut probably wouldn’t help Virgil’s case… but he needs a hug so much right now!

Anonymous said: i’m thinking there’s lots of potential for hurt/comfort with this chapter. Virgil’s obviously panicking so i reckon he’s gonna have to try and convince himself that he can trust Patton if not the others. i feel like virgil still wont trust the others but they’ll get to see that he’s not always this big, strong deathworlder and he gets scared just like them. he’s been traumatised and he cares for Patt a lot and theyll try to understand eachother better and hopefully become friends/gain some trust

Anonymous said: that is very much wishful think and a need for my boys to be happy though haha. soz, that probably wasnt very helpful for writing but thats just something i’d like to see happen but i KNOW that whatever you end up writing is gonna be fabulous (ran out of room on my last ask and couldnt even sign it, whoops)

@justanotherpurplebutterfly said: I’m mainly really curious how Roman will react. If he has even have as big of an imagination as buobba Roman then he will probably interpret Virgil’s outburst as a violent attack and try to frame him as a danger they shouldn’t keep on the ship. However if he was able to detect Virgil’s fear then this might be the first step of them growing closer. Idk which I like better, because on one hand I want them to to get along and witness wacky human things in an amicable atmosphere, but on the other hand, misunderstandings are soooo good!!!! Most of all I want Virgil to get a hug though. Poor boy deserves one. I don’t care with who it is, although I suspect it will be Patton because no way the other ones trust Virgil enough and vice versa.

@yalltookmyurlideas said: Haha wibar fears? There are,,, so many. My main fear is that Roman will misinterpret Virgil’s panic to mean he’s hiding something and not see it for the panic and fear it is.

Anonymous said: I was thinking about for WIBAR, are we going to find out more about Virgils life on Earth? Is there angst there or is it irrelevant? Also would Logan and Roman go after Virgil themselves so as not to worry Pat or would they realise this was a situation they couldn’t solve? OR does Roman think V is attacking them and goes to hurt him? Sorry long ask but I’m excited for the chapter 😅😅🥰🥰

Anonymous said: Ayyy super late gang, barely got a hour of sleep bc anxiety/nightmares so yeehaw. I guess for WIBAR, the most essential thing to consider is how you want Making Adjustments to sorta add onto its characters & how they interact. Idk that ofc, but I think the situation is going to resolve into a ‘im only human’ (the irony) kinda situation and the crew (maybe minus patton??) only /starting/ to grasp the human is a bunch of damaged goods who is lowkey more scared of them than they are of he (½)

Anonymous said: (2/2) how i see the situation going down? Depends who finds him. If it’s Pat, he could sing him clam like in the cell. If its Roman or Logan, odds are Virgil’s gonna b scared & his response will be to Fight or Freeze, as he already did the Flight option. Virgil reacting like a cornered animal would be terrifying Ro and Lo. (Also Ro and Lo going to wake up Pat for Human Help has the same vibes of a child waking up their parents to tell them they puked lmao)

@killerfangirl3 said: After where you left last chapter, I am 100% terrified Roman will find Virgil before Patton and cause real danger to everyone. After all Virgil is flooded with adrenaline right now and he barely knows how his strength affects the metal? of the ship as it is. The sudden increase in strength if he was attempting to defend himself could cause him to put a hole in the ship.

@hotchocolatehugs said: Oh! Also, would Virgil calm down if Patton found him, or would it just make him worse/more crazed? I dunno about his state of mind, but if I were in his position I would probably be acting aggressively to anyone who came in. Do aliens have hot chocolate or tea, or some equivalent drink? Because I think Virge needs a calming drink. (sorry if this is too much!)

Anonymous said: I saw your latest post and all I could think about is Virgil stuck on the appliance, really high up and close to the ceiling unseen while he sees Roman and Logan below. Maybe a bit of a language barrier while they say some words that Virgil may not no yet and jumping to conclusions and filling in the blanks in the sentences

Anonymous said: I’m afraid that In WIBAR, Roman may keep Pat from going to find and comfort Virgil and just…leave him up there

@katelynn-a-fan said: Mission impossible theme while looking for Virgil. Too short can’t see Virgil on top appliance. Mission impossible theme continues and fades into the distance. (That’s all I got)

Anonymous said: WIBAR suggestions/predictions/fears: I worry about Roman or Logan finding Virgil before Patton - Roman because I don’t think he will be understanding about how afraid Virgil is; Logan because I think that would scare Virgil more. He might break out of his flight stage into fight, and that could make them fear him more. But, while worry about this scenario, maybe it would be for the best. Maybe one or both need to find him at a low to see that he isn’t a monster, just scared.

@enby-phoenix said:

OK so wibar thoughts! I’m a little concerned that Roman will think that Virgil was genuinely trying to attack him with that chair and also probably trying to hurt Logan, and he’s gonna get upsetti. I also think that the way they figure out what’s made Virgil go all fight or flight will probably involve Logan doing the memory share thing, but it’ll take them a bit to get close enough without Virgil threatening to bite Logan’s hands off.

Also PLEASE let my boy eat a full meal and get some proper sleep!

I would also love to see Virgil curled around Patton protectively but everyone knows that it’s Patton who’s making Virgil feel safe.

Another prediction is that Logan, realizing that SOMETHING bad just happened, and knowing that all his information on humans seems to be incorrect or at least not apply to this one, will go to Patton for advice on what to do regarding Virgil’s sudden change of behavior, and how to calm him down again. Cause Patton is the resident expert on Virgil.

I also imagine that Logan might keep his note taking to himself again for a bit, until Virgil believes that he’s not the bad kind of scientist.

I love that Virgil climbed on top of the tallest thing he could find, and I imagine that if it’s above everyone else’s usual eyelines, they each walk past him multiple times while they’re worriedly searching the ship for him.

I’m mostly imagining Virgil clinging to Patton like a lifeline and the other two aliens worrying for their tiny friend but Patton knows that Virgil is just scared and sings him the “calm down baby it’s okay I’m here” hatchling soothing song until Virgil calms down a little, and then still staying with him while explanations are had. They do not come out of the small space on top of the tallest appliance and Roman doesn’t like that but he’ll deal.

Now that I’m thinking about it more, one of the best ways for Logan to gain (at least a little bit of) Virgil’s trust would be for Virgil to see his honest reaction to what the other scientists did to him. Cause based on what I know of Logan, he would be horrified. And that might help Virgil to realize that Logan ISN’T LIKE those other scientists.

Anonymous said: *gets out the defibrillator to help kickstart the creative juices* At this point Virgil is running on fumes and when the trio find him Patton tries to comfort him. But he’s too stressed and feels betrayed and there’s just too much inner turmoil for him to hold back so he finally breaks down in front of them. Perhaps it’s not Patton that manages to calm him down, but Roman who finally recognizes him as a traumatized person rather than “just an evil human” :D

@enby-phoenix said: tbh Virgil probably hisses at either Logan or Roman at some point and it makes them nervous and confused.

Anonymous said: Roman forcing Virgil down from his hiding spot. 'Blade’ to his neck and tying him to a chair. Virgil thinking that he shouldn’t have run and that they are going to be even angrier at him now, ergo more painful experiments. Begging to be put under for the cutting away and to please don’t get mad at Patton (just in case Patton was trying to be a good friend).

Anonymous said: Suggestion for WIBAR - Roman goes looking for Virgil, all ready for a confrontation. But, when he finds him, Virgil unknowingly makes some sort of gesture that means fear/terror to Roman’s people and he stops and evaluates the situation with clearer eyes. This gives Patton/Logan/both a chance to get there.

Anonymous said: Can we get somr wibar fluff/angst?

Anonymous said: I’m just waiting for WIBAR Virgil to just pass out and the panic of everyone that sees him. Or Roman threatening him or Logan goes to touch him and BAM he’s on the floor!

Anonymous said: Stuff for WIBAR: 1: who’s gonna find Virgil? 2: what’re they gonna do with him? 3: how’s he gonna react? – Options: Patton: tries to comfort him Virgil: can’t decide whether to trust or not, maybe leading to emotional outburst and sad PatPat – Logan: scared cuz danger goblin had an outburst at him. Wondering what he did wrong & how to best proceed Virgil: 'he’s gonna do tests on me’ fight or flight – Roman: 'so, if you hurt my friends imma hurt you’ Virgil: fight or flight – ½

Anonymous said: 2/2 Of course those aren’t the only options, but it was fun for me, and I hope it got creative juices flowing for you as well. I love all your writing, and I want you to know that you can take as long as you need to be proud of your work. It’s okay. And take care of yourself too! You can’t make as good of work when you aren’t feeling as good as usual

[gb-fics]

Art Class - Wednesday (3)

AU Fanfiction:

Kiryuuin Shou x Kyan Yutaka (Golden Bomber)

Note: Read Monday, Tuesday.

Shou had thought about last night a lot. He had not yet reached a conclusion on how he felt about it. Sure, he liked Yutaka more than he had expected, but that didn’t mean much. He hadn’t expected to like Yutaka at all. Anything that went beyond a casual friendship was probably caused my Yutaka’s reputation rather than Shou’s actual feelings.

Somehow, he had assumed things would clear up today. He had assumed Yutaka would drag him along on another reckless adventure. Or at least make him do weird stuff at class that separated them from the rest of the students. As long as it was only Shou and Yutaka laughing at a joke, the others didn’t even seem to exist. Weirdly enough, when Yutaka made him laugh, it was the rest of the world that became invisible.

But so far, Yutaka had worked on his drawing next to Shou quietly. They were using paint today.

Shou wondered if Yutaka was sleepy or if he was in a bad mood, or if Shou had done something wrong, or if Yutaka had indeed grown bored with him already like everyone else.

For the last two hours, Shou had waited for the bell that announced lunch break eagerly. Because during break, Yutaka would certainly come up with something again. In class they had to work after all. Their drawings would get graded in the end. Shou had brought his own lunch box today.

Not that he was looking forward to it all that much. He did not get his hopes up, because actually, Yutaka was kind of annoying. He had caused Shou to get detention after all. He had made him break into the astronomy club. Shou shouldn’t want to hang out with him. He shouldn’t enjoy the trouble. But then, it just felt nice to tag along with someone. It felt nice to be chosen. Yesterday, Yutaka had given him the feeling of belonging. Usually, Shou only hung out with people who didn’t seem to care much if he was there or not.

The school bell rang out.

Shou watched Yutaka from the corner of his eyes. He did not want to look at him too expectantly. He kept his head turned towards his own drawing, as if he still wanted to finish something before leaving and didn’t really care what Yutaka was up to at all.

“You coming to the cafeteria?”, Yutaka asked.

Shou hesitated before turning to face him.

“The cafeteria?”, he assured, trying not to sound disappointed.

“Yeah, sure”, Yutaka confirmed. “I didn’t see my classmates the last two days and want to know how their week is going. You don’t want to see your friends?”

Shou did not know how to tell Yutaka that he had no friends he wanted to see or who wanted to see him. If they went to the cafeteria now, he would sit with his classmates and maybe even chat with them. But deep down he knew that they merely tolerated him. And he thought that he wouldn’t be able to bear it. Him, sitting at a table with guys equally unpopular as him and hoping class would start again soon, because even that was better than feeling utterly expendable. And Yutaka sitting with the guys from the sports club and becoming the centre of the room without even trying, laughing and having fun, because he, too, didn’t need Shou.

“Not really”, he said quietly.

A vertical line showed up between Yutaka’s eyebrows.

“You can sit with us”, he offered as if he had guessed exactly what Shou feared. “I’m sure my friends would love to meet you.”

Shou doubted that Yutaka’s friends even knew he was in third year as well. He imagined Yutaka introducing him and he imagined sitting with him in the cafeteria. It would be the dream. The ultimate boost for his reputation. If he managed to make a good impression, he would get to hang out with the cool kids from now on. He would become popular by association. His classmates would respect him, the girls might even want to go out with him. Officially being friends with Yutaka in public was the daydream he thought had made him like Yutaka in the first place.

The moment Yutaka offered it, though, Shou realized how much he would hate it.

He did not want to sit with Yutaka’s friends. He did not want to watch him horse around with them and he didn’t want to be forced to conversate with them himself. He did not want the other students looking over at him slightly envious, because they knew he had just levelled up on the social ladder.

What he really wanted, was to be alone with Yutaka and joke about girls or gossip about their teachers having an affair or talk about their relationship with their parents. He wanted Yutaka all to himself.

It was a little strange, he had to admit that. But then, Yutaka felt like his first real chance for friendship in a long time. Not just someone he hung out with, but someone whom he could talk to openly. Obviously, he had been mistaken about that, though.

Yutaka did not view their bond as anything special. Even if he was kind enough to invite Shou along, he wanted to get back to his real friends.

“No thanks”, Shou declined. “Actually, I brought my own lunch. So, I will just look for a quiet spot and eat by myself.”

The line on Yutaka’s forehead disappeared immediately. He was smiling a happy smile.

“You listened to me”, he said. “You brought your own lunch.”

Shou shrugged awkwardly.

Yutaka’s expression changed again. It seemed to do so with each new thought.

“You were prepared”, he stated, now looking surprised. “In case I’d make you do something stupid again. You planned to skip class again?”

Shou did his best to avoid Yutaka’s gaze.

“I just thought it would be nice to have my own lunch for a change, too”, Shou defended himself. “It had nothing to do with you.”

“So, you weren’t hoping we’d do something together?”, Yutaka assured.

Shou shrugged again. He did not want to lie to Yutaka and hurting him on purpose by saying something he didn’t even mean. But he also didn’t want to look desperate or give it room for misinterpretation.

Yutaka swirled around on his heels.

The room was almost empty by now.

“Sensei?”, Yutaka called out.

Utahiroba Sensei groaned and made a face.

“Please, spare me”, he said. He seemed to be only half-joking. Shou could understand him. No matter how much of a liking he had taken to him, he had to admit that Yutaka could be a real pain in the ass.

“Can we stay in the art room during lunch break? We have our own lunch with us and would like to continue working”, Yutaka asked innocently.

Utahiroba Sensei gave him a long look. He did not seem to believe a word Yutaka was saying.

“I didn’t expect you two to be so studious of all people”, he observed sarcastically.

Shou noticed that some girls had stopped by the door to listen to the conversation. Yutaka had that effect on people, he assumed. He always seemed to be putting on a show.

“We just feel at home here”, Yutaka said. “After having to stay for so long last night.”

Utahiroba Sensei waved his index finger at him warningly.

“You should be careful”, he advised Yutaka. “Not everyone has my patience. Your attitude will get you in trouble someday.”

“Oh, it already does. Constantly”, Yutaka said and beamed at Utahiroba Sensei. “Thank you.”

Utahiroba Sensei snorted and walked towards the door, shushing away the girls from there on his way out.

“What about your friends?”, Shou asked. “Aren’t they going to miss you?”

Yutaka waved his arm dismissively, while restoring his lunch box from his bag.

“They’ll do fine without me.” He sat down on a desk that had been moved to the back to create space for the easels.

Shou got out his bento as well and swung himself onto the windowsill. He just had to tilt his head slightly to look out onto the schoolyard that was filled with students right now. Through the glass, he couldn’t hear their voices at all. Inside the room it was quiet.

“You didn’t have to stay”, Shou said. “Not because of me.”

He wasn’t sure if he was trying to point out to Yutaka that he didn’t need him. Or if maybe it was his way of thanking him; of acknowledging that he was grateful he had stayed.

“But I wanted to”, Yutaka said lightly.

Shou started unboxing his lunch. He was straining his brain for something to say. Now, that Yutaka had stayed with him instead of meeting his friends, Shou felt the need to be entertaining, to redeem the sacrifice somehow. But the pressure only made his mouth feel dry and he couldn’t think of anything intelligent to say. Maybe they should have gone to the cafeteria.

“Can I ask you something?”, Yutaka suddenly said.

Shou looked up from his food, feeling cold. He didn’t like it when people wanted to ask him questions. It was usually not a good sign. And there were a lot of questions Yutaka might ask him, that Shou did not have an answer to. What if he wanted to know why Shou had wanted to spend lunch break with him? What if he asked what that had been between them last night on the rooftop? What if he asked about girls? What if he asked about boys? Shou was starting to panic.

“Why are you trying to impress Sakura with something you are bad it? That just doesn’t make sense to me.”

“What?”, Shou asked.

“I mean, I saw your sketch. And I kept thinking about it all night.” Yutaka laughed shortly. “I hardly slept it all. I mean, you really suck at drawing. And that would be fine if there was nothing else you are good at. But you have real talent. Why not use that to impress her?”

“Sakura likes drawing”, Shou pointed out.

He did not add that he tended to get slightly second-hand obsessed with things sometimes. It wasn’t just that he wanted to know about drawing to impress Sakura with it. He also wanted to learn about her. He wanted to understand what she liked about drawing and art. And if she liked it, Shou already liked it a little bit, too.

He tended to his food, because that way it was easier not to pay so much attention to Yutaka.

“Yeah, but if you dated, wouldn’t she want to know about what you like?”, Yutaka insisted. “She tells you about herself and you tell her about yourself and in the best-case scenario, you end up liking each other. She doesn’t tell you about herself and then you repeat after her. That would be boring and slightly creepy. You won’t get the girl like that.”

“Thanks for putting so much thought into how I’m failing”, Shou grunted.

Suddenly, he couldn’t remember why he had wanted to spend time with Yutaka or what he had actually found likeable about him. He wasn’t angry, but he was annoyed. For Yutaka it was easy to talk about himself and make a girl like him that way. If Shou wanted to be liked, he had to play dirty.

He shoved some rice into his mouth.

“But you are so good at music!”, Yutaka exclaimed. “If you had joined the music group for the project week, you could have written a song. And afterwards, you would have gone to her and said: Hey, Sakura, listen to this, I wrote you a song.”

Shou shook his head.

Even if he had joined the music group, he knew that he would never have dared to approach Sakura with a song, when she probably didn’t even know his name. He wasn’t that kind of person.

“It’s not that easy”, he said.

“Yes, it is”, Yutaka said. He was mumbling a bit. Probably, he was currently eating, too. “Writing songs is the ultimate way to drop her panties. It’s like you have a superpower, but you are just not using it.”

Shou fumbled with the chopsticks in his hand and focused on the food in front of him. He was aware that Yutaka was staring at him.

“Nobody will drop their panties for me that easily”, Shou said. “Look at me.”

Yutaka gave a noise that sounded like a cry to war. Shou flinched.

“What are you even talking about?”, Yutaka said angrily. “You are really charismatic, Shou. If the girls saw what I saw during that performance of yours, they’d be standing in line to go out with you. Your act just needs a little smoothing out. You have too many ideas, too many thoughts. The world is not ready for you yet. But only a little dose at once and people are going to go crazy for you.”

Shou looked out of the window, where he saw the other students below. He could not imagine any of them going crazy for him. He did not know what Yutaka saw in him, but he was absolutely sure that it wasn’t there.

“I don’t want to be smoothed out”, he finally said. “I don’t want to make compromises. Not when it comes to music. I’d rather …”

He broke off.

“… fail at drawing”, Yutaka concluded. He spoke softly.

Shou nodded without looking at him.

It was easier to approach Sakura on a field of her liking. That way, he wasn’t giving away of himself too much at once. When it came to music, he could bear giving up. But he couldn’t bear failing.

“Aah”, Yutaka exhaled loudly. “I guess there is only one thing that can help you.”

Peaking at him with shy curiosity, Shou turned his head.

“And that is?”, he asked.

“An excellent wingman”, Yutaka said.

Shou laughed.

“Seriously, you need someone who is so excellent, that you are basically not involved at all until the deal is closed. That’s the only way.”

“And I figure you are that excellent?”, Shou assured.

“I am”, Yutaka confirmed. “I will get you laid in no time. All I need from you is to write a love song, pay me about 2 million yen and get some plastic surgery.”

“Oi!”, Shou shouted, but burst out laughing. He was mostly relieved that Yutaka was joking now. He did not really like to talk about his own weaknesses.

“Also, just to know what I’m working with. When it comes to the size of your penis, would you say you are …”

Shou jumped from the windowsill and grabbed the closest thing he could find to throw it at Yutaka. It was a brush and it was red with paint.

Yutaka dodged just in time, but the brush hit the table and left red paint streaks on the surface.

Yutaka threw back his head and laughed.

“If you want to find out about the size of my penis, you ought to buy me dinner first”, Shou said.

“Is that an offer?”, Yutaka wanted to know and raised his eyebrows ever so slightly. “Because technically, I shared my lunch with you yesterday and I think that …”

Shou grabbed the next thing he found. It was a sponge that felt dry but was drenched in the colour green anyway. It had probably been used to smudge paint on a canvas before. Shou threw it, but this time, it landed on the floor before it even reached Yutaka. It caused him to break off his sentence, though.

Shou felt embarrassed by Yutaka’s way of talking and knew that the only way of making him shut up, was to beat him with his own weapons. He also knew that it was almost impossible to make Yutaka feel embarrassed, though. If he even wanted to try, he had to come at him from a direction he wasn’t expecting.

“Alright”, he said, suddenly completely serious. “I am still saving myself up for Sakura, but just some groping should be fine.”

He watched Yutaka’s reaction closely. His neck seemed to colour slightly.

“Oi, what are you saying!”, he shouted and Shou laughed.

He realized that he would never have been able to make these kinds of jokes with Sakura. Or any girl, really. They would be grossed out. But Shou actually enjoyed joking like this. He liked not being quite sure if they were just being perverts or maybe flirting. He liked the mixture.

“I thought you …”, he started, but then dodged, as he saw Yutaka bending forward and grabbing something from next to an easel.

This time, it was Yutaka who tried to make him shut up. It felt like a victory. Shou started laughing while throwing himself to the floor.

He told himself that he was just breathless and his heart was just beating so fast, because of the guffawing and the shouting and the moving around. It wasn’t because he got excited by what their words implied.

Something sailed right over Shou’s head and caused a loud thud as it hit the window pane behind him. Then the light suddenly dimmed.

Shou stopped laughing.

He looked at Yutaka. Yutaka made a face.

Slowly Shou turned around, still kneeling on the floor and looking up. A plastic cup was lying on the window sill. The window pane had turned blue. Paint was dripping down the glass. It looked as if a blue bomb had exploded against the window.

“I thought it was empty”, Yutaka said.

Shou stared at the window some more. The paint was now dripping onto the window sill as well. The light that fell into the room was tinted blue, too.

For a moment, they were silent.

Then Shou snorted with laughter. After a few seconds of hesitation, Yutaka fell in with his laughter.

Somehow, Shou wasn’t able to stop. He didn’t even know what was so hilarious, but the whole incident seemed just typical for Yutaka. It seemed like the kind of thing Shou would have disliked him for a few days ago. Trouble seemed to follow Yutaka around. But to his own surprise, Shou enjoyed trouble quite a bit.

The bell rang out.

“Oh damn”, Yutaka mumbled.

Shou jumped up and collected paper tissues from next to the sink. He was carrying them over to the window when the door opened and the other students entered the room again.

Utahiroba Sensei was with them.

He took one very long look at the window. He seemed to reconsider his entire career.

“I had my doubts”, he said. “But I told myself: Jun, put some trust in those kids. I wish I hadn’t.”

He sat down at his desk, waving at Shou to hurry with the tissues. There was something resigning about his motions.

Shou hurried over to Yutaka by the window, while everyone else picked up working on their canvases again. Together, they started wiping the window. They left behind blue streaks on the glass.

“Seriously”, Shou mumbled under his breath.

“Too bad I missed”, Yutaka whispered back. He was unusual for him to speak so quietly and somehow, it made Shou’s stomach feel clenched. Yutaka’s whispering voice had something intimate to it. “You’d look adorable in blue.”

Shou kept his eyes fixed on the window.

“I’d look like a Smurf”, he said.

“Nah. You’d look like Stitch”, Yutaka said and chuckled.

“Thanks a lot”, Shou said dryly and nudged Yutaka with his elbow while wiping the window sill now.

Yutaka nudged him back without saying anything. It felt nice in a way that Shou couldn’t quite explain.

Yutaka balled up the tissues he had used. They were bright blue by now.

“That should do”, he said loudly and looked at the window.

There were blue streaks and smears everywhere. The glass remained a light blue.

“It does not!”, Utahiroba Sensei shouted over. “Get a cloth and water and do it properly. I don’t want to hear complaints, apologies or explanations. I don’t even want to know what happened. I just want it to go away.”

Shou made a face at Yutaka that implied how close to a nervous breakdown Utahiroba seemed to be. It was only Wednesday, but Kyan Yutaka was already about to finish him.

Then he went over to the sink to find a cloth and a small bucket he could fill with water. When he returned to the window, Yutaka was storing away their lunch boxes. Shou watched him for a moment, as he got out his mobile and typed a fast message with his back to Utahiroba Sensei.

Shou felt a short flash of jealousy. They had had so much fun just now. Why did Yutaka feel the need to talk to someone else at this moment?

Wringing out the cloth, Shou started to clean the window pane once more. This time, the smears were finally coming off.

Yutaka strolled over again, leaning against the window sill and watching Shou.

Shou felt upset that he wasn’t helping, but then he had found only one cloth. There wasn’t really anything for Yutaka to do. He was more upset about seeing him with the mobile, honestly.

“My friends asked why I didn’t join them during lunch”, Yutaka said all of a sudden, as if he had been able to read Shou’s mind.

“Well, I’m sorry for keeping you”, Shou said.

He was angry at himself for sounding so cold. Yutaka had not done anything wrong. He wasn’t owning anything to Shou. Their joking hadn’t meant anything special, so Shou was acting weird now, even in his own opinion. He didn’t understand why he felt so annoyed. But he didn’t know why Yutaka brought up his friends in the first place now, either. He didn’t need to remind Shou of the fact that he had better people to hang out with.

“What? No!”, Yutaka said hastily. “It’s just. Well, they asked me to go to karaoke with them in the afternoon after school.”

Shou kept wiping the window without looking at Yutaka. He also didn’t understand why he was telling him that now. Sure, he was popular. He had friends with whom he went to karaoke. Good for him.

“I wanted to ask if you’d like come along”, Yutaka added after a short pause.

Shou stopped in his motions for a moment. Then he washed out the cloth in the bucket, wringing it again. He did so only that Yutaka wouldn’t notice his hesitation.

It was nice of Yutaka to ask. And it wasn’t like lunch break where they would be in the same room anyway. If he didn’t seriously want Shou to be there, he didn’t have to mention it. He could have gone off with his friends after class without telling Shou.

“It’s like”, Yutaka cleared his throat. “I mean, it’s something like a group date.”

Shou sucked in his lower lip and tried to look indifferent as he wiped the very last paint dots of the window. His right hand was blue now.

“So, there are girls coming along?”, he asked as casually as possible.

Maybe they were missing a guy to even it out and that’s why Yutaka had invited him. Or he was continuing with his promise to find Shou a girlfriend. In that case, Shou found it a little weird how eager he was. Not that he wouldn’t like Yutaka introducing him to girls. But he wished him to be less eager about it nonetheless.

“Well, yes, some of the other guys are bringing girls along. I mean.” Yutaka cleared his throat again.

Shou thought that his behaviour was somehow off. He had the feeling that Yutaka was trying to communicate with him through a code that Shou did not understand. What was he trying to tell him? Was he trying to indicate that Shou should try a little harder, if he really wanted to date someone?

“Also”, Yutaka added and suddenly sounded more cheerful again as if he was glad, he had remembered this in time. “You like singing, right? I’m sure you’ll do great at karaoke.”

“So, it’s about that again”, Shou observed and put the cloth into the bucket. The window was clean now. “You still want to prove your point that singing will make me popular.”

“I just thought it might be fun”, Yutaka said defensively.

Shou took up the bucket to carry it over to the sink. He was half-expecting Yutaka to come along to talk him over. But he remained standing by the window.

Shou emptied the bucket into the sink and started scrubbing his right hand. No matter how much he cleaned it, though, it remained a light blue.

Even after giving up, he kept standing by the sink, letting cold water run over his hands. They were starting to feel numb already. He needed time to think.

He wasn’t quite sure, if he wanted to join Yutaka and his friends.

He had always hoped for an opportunity like this. Getting invited to group dates and meeting cute girls took up a large part of Shou’s daydreams. And the rest of the daydreams didn’t really count since they were mere sexual anyway.

He wasn’t really keen on spending time with Yutaka’s friends, though, because they were probably as annoying as he had imagined Yutaka to be. But outside of school with no one watching them and gossiping immediately, the pressure wouldn’t be so high and Shou would feel more comfortable. If he was comfortable, he actually got along with people quite well most of the time. He was a funny guy. People liked that. And if it was karaoke, it was something that Shou would not embarrass himself at. It wasn’t like sports or drawing. He was good at singing. After all, Yutaka might be right. Music might be the one thing that got him a chance to impress the girls.

But then the atmosphere of a group date usually felt so tense. Girls didn’t really feel attracted to Shou easily and in this group, he wouldn’t have friends backing him up. The only person he really knew would be Yutaka.

And somehow, he didn’t know about Yutaka either.

Because Shou knew that he would feel uncomfortable seeing Yutaka joke around with his friends and possibly (not possibly, surely) flirt with a girl. He would feel jealous. And he didn’t understand why that was. That was weird. And he didn’t understand why Yutaka was trying so hard to hook him up. Maybe he wanted to be a good friend. But then, just sometimes, Shou had the feeling that maybe Yutaka liked him differently. And if that was true, then it did not make sense if he wanted Shou to be with someone else. So, Shou was either misreading things completely, or Yutaka was putting him to a test. A test, of which Shou wasn’t even sure if he wanted to pass or fail. His feelings were weird. And Yutaka was weird. And the whole thing just made Shou feel like it was really too weird altogether to put up with it for an entire afternoon. He wouldn’t be able to stop wondering about stuff.

If he agreed to come along, Shou would not be able flirt with a girl. He’d be wondering about Yutaka’s behaviour and how it made him feel and he would go quiet and brooding and he wouldn’t be much fun. He wouldn’t have much fun, either.

Shou thought of Sakura.

He thought of how pretty she was and how calm and how she looked really nice when she smiled. She looked like she would listen to Shou and like he would be certain how to feel about her. If she batted her eyes coyly, there would be no mistaking the gesture and her flirting would be gentle and unambiguous. It wouldn’t be loud and pervy and rude and it wouldn’t leave so much room for misunderstandings. And if he looked at her body, Shou would feel absolutely sure that he desired her, because she was a woman and he was sure about women.

Shou liked being in love with Sakura. It was easy.

He turned off the water and walked back to his easel.

“So?”, Yutaka wanted to know as if he had done nothing else but wait for Shou’s answer in the meantime.

“I’m not interested in going on a group date”, Shou said. “I only like Sakura.”

“Uhm.” Yutaka took up a paint brush and turned to his easel. There was no paint on the brush and for a moment, he flicked it between his fingers so wildly, that Shou was sure he would drop it. Then his hand became steady and he put out the brush against the canvas. He didn’t seem to be aware he was still lacking paint.

“Sure”, Yutaka said. “No problem. I mean, I understand. You told me about Sakura. I shouldn’t have asked. I’m sorry.”

“No, it’s fine”, Shou said, feeling guilty that he had made Yutaka feel like he had made Shou uncomfortable by his invitation. “I was nice you asked, actually. Maybe I’ll get back to it, if it doesn’t work out with Sakura”, he added half-jokingly.

Secretly he thought that it wasn’t Sakura he worried about. To be honest, he had just picked her, because she appealed to him. Shou was ready to fall in love with any pretty girl. He wouldn’t mind being introduced to someone else on a group date. He just didn’t feel like it today. Because the whole paint incident during lunch break had left him confused. Confused about Yutaka. Once he got over that confusion, he was ready for dating again.

Yutaka let out a short, dry laugh.

“Yeah, sure, why not”, he stated vaguely and looked at the paint brush in his hand astonished. Finally, he seemed to realize that he had forgotten the paint. His face wore a funny, quizzical look. It looked pretty cute.

Shou wished Yutaka had asked him to do something else tonight. To steal up to the roof again. Or grab dinner together. To break into the school office. Or to watch a movie. Even karaoke. Shou wouldn’t have minded what it was, really. If it had been just him and Yutaka on another adventure, he would have agreed for sure.

[hookedonapirate]

The Princess and Her Sultan

Summary: Crown princess Emma of Misthaven is second in line to the throne, her brother Leopold ll being the first, but her parents see her with a future as a great ruler. King Rumpelstiltskin of neighboring land, strikes a deal with King David, promising to uphold the peace between the kingdoms if Emma marries Prince Baelfire. With the promise of his daughter becoming future queen of the Dark Kingdom, David accepts reluctantly.

Before her wedding day, the princess is kidnapped and taken overseas. She is sold as a slave to a palace where Crown Prince Killian of Neverland ascends his father’s throne and is sworn in as Sultan. Meanwhile, Killian’s mother pressures him to sire a prince and presents him with gifts for his birthday, one of them including a blonde princess from Misthaven. Dazzled by Emma’s charm, intelligence and beauty, he summons her to his bedchambers every night and eventually finds himself casting aside his harem and centuries of tradition.  

A/N: I wanted to clear something up because I think people may have misinterpreted what I wrote, which is my fault because of what POV it was in and the order of the scenes, but I promise there is a reason to my madness. So, what I'm talking about it is, a reviewer had said my notes about Killian taking sterile concubines didn't match what I wrote in the last chapter. That may be true, but what was said about it in the chapter was not coming from me as the narrator, it came from James in Emma's POV. Just because Kira thinks Killian would ask the concubines to become sterile doesn't mean he would, it was just one of her fears because normally she brings him what he wants, and now she wants him to sire a prince, and she doesn't want anything to get in the way of her plans. There is a scene in the next chapter where this is clarified, but because I think I had upset a few over this issue and probably lost some readers because of it, I felt it needed to be said. Honestly, I didn't think really think about it when I wrote it, and anyone who reads my other stories knows that I always have a tendency to write Killian as over the top perfect because that's how I view him, so I never intend to write him as a character who puts a bad taste in anyone's mouth. 

Hopefully, this puts people who were concerned about it at ease, but if anyone has questions about this or anything else regarding this fic, please don't hesitate to leave a comment or shoot me a pm. I had originally wanted to write the women to be naturally sterile, but that was something rare back then, but I realize that sometimes sticking to writing what is realistic is not always the best route to take. 

Thank you @gingerchangeling for your wonderful suggestions and ideas for this story, and also @ilovemesomekillianjones for gifting me with your wonderful editing skills at. I also want to give a shout out to @onceuponaprincessworld for being my sounding board, constant cheerleader and good friend, thank you, darling! This story wouldn’t be the same without these lovely ladies!

And all of you have been so supportive and awesome, thank you all for following along and for your feedback!

Rated: Explicit

AO3 l FF.N I Prologue l Ch 1 l Ch 2 l Ch 3 l Ch 4

Chapter 5

When Emma rushes back to the women’s quarters before she has to be present at dinner with the other concubines, she’s completely and utterly smitten for the Sultan. She’s never felt like this, her skin is flushed, her heart doing a pitter-patter in her chest and her head is spinning. She may have to change her strategy a bit because she knows she won't have to fake any affection she shows the Sultan. The intensity of their kiss is something she couldn't fake if she had truly tried. A passionate, toe-curling kiss was something she’d only heard about from her mother and the maids at the castle. It was something Emma had only dreamt about. And the fact that the Sultan is genuinely kind and sweet and the most handsome man she's ever seen, is a complete game changer. He is all the things Baelfire is not. She'd expected the Sultan to treat her as his property, she could've only imagined that if he'd seen a naked concubine outside of the women's quarters, he'd have raped her and had her beaten, but instead he had asked permission to kiss her and promised to only have her in his bedchambers when the time was right. Emma is still perplexed by this. Obviously, she has formed a very false and narrow-minded opinion about him before ever meeting him.

She has to banish the smile from her lips when she slips into her oda to change out of her damp clothes. She's relieved to find it empty, but to her surprise, Elsa emerges from the curtain before Emma can fetch a dry outfit.

“Where have you been, Emma?” Elsa asks curiously, scanning her clothes and hair before meeting Emma’s gaze.

“Oh, I was just in the bathing area,” Emma replies nonchalantly as she retrieves some dry clothes from her cupboard which is located behind the bottom half of the wall paneling next to her bed where her personal belongings are stored. “I was afraid I'd be late for dinner, so I left in a hurry without even bothering to dry off.” When she turns to face her roommate again, she fears the silver blonde is on to her, judging by her narrowed eyes and questioning half-smirk.

Elsa crosses her arms over her chest, casually making her way towards Emma. “So, what's it like to bathe outside the harem?”

Emma gapes at her friend in surprise. She thought she'd been careful enough to not be seen whenever she'd snuck off. “How do you know I left the harem?”

Elsa gives a soft, casual shrug. “I just assumed since I saw you leaving one day. I followed you to a room and you disappeared into it, so I crept up to the door and saw you at a chess table.”

Emma’s heart flutters in panic “You saw that?”

Elsa nods. “I thought it was odd because there was no one else in the room with you. Were you playing against yourself?”

Emma shakes her head, her eyes laced with apology for not telling Elsa of her escapades. “No, I’ve been playing against the Sultan,” she murmurs, placing the fresh clothes on the bed. She sits next to the neatly folded fabrics, sighing as she looks up at Elsa in shame. “I have been playing chess since I was young so when I saw the chessboard for the first time, it tempted me. Only then did I find out it was the Sultan’s chess game, for it is in his study.” Emma looks down, fingering the material of the dress she will be changing into. “You will not tell anyone, will you?”

Elsa shakes her head. “Of course not. You’re my friend and I do not wish for you to get into trouble,” she assures Emma and lays a hand on her arm. Emma peers up at her, offering a gracious smile.

“Thank you, Elsa.”

“Of course.” A wide grin blossoms over Elsa’s lips, her eyes lighting up with intrigue. “Have you met the Sultan since you’ve been going into his study? Have you ever caught him in there, or has he ever caught you?”

Emma blushes and smiles, shaking her head. “No, he is never around when I enter the room.”

Elsa quirks a brow, a mixture of curiosity and confusion etched in her features. “If you’ve never met him, then why were you smiling when you returned?”

Emma was hoping her friend would not inquire about that, but Emma doesn’t see any reason not to tell her, about the pool anyway. “You promise you won’t say anything?”

“I promise I won’t.”

“I was smiling because I felt freer than I had in months,” Emma claims, which isn’t a complete lie. “I was in one of the gardens when I found a pool. I bathed by myself for the first time since we were brought here.”

Elsa’s mouth opens in a gasp as she plops on the bed, sitting next to Emma. “So that's why your clothes are damp?! Oh, how lucky you are!” Elsa chants enthusiastically. “Where is this pool? Perhaps I will go, too.”

“But you might get in trouble,” Emma laughs.

“So will you!” Elsa exclaims, playfully swatting her shoulder.

“Okay, maybe I will show you one day.”

Elsa claps her hands in excitement. “Thank you, Emma, I look forward to it.”

They’re so immersed in conversation they do not realize someone is listening on the other side of the curtain. The eavesdropper casts a shadow over the red fabric, which goes unnoticed by the gediklis because they are facing away from the curtain. The shadow disappears once they change the topic of conversation and get ready for dinner.

~*~

The early autumn sun is strong, and the fresh breeze does nothing to cool him down or help with the sweat forming at his hairline. The unabating sounds of metal clanging against metal resonate throughout the courtyard, the sunlight’s reflection bouncing off the blades as the two men attack and parry, swinging and blocking, jabbing and thwarting each other’s movements. They move with expert precision, each ducking and twisting when necessary to avoid the path of the other blade.

Killian remembers when he’d held his first sword in his hands, even though he was too young to truly learn much—he was not yet five years old, and he was clumsy back then, for his fingers were small, his muscles weak and the sword heavy. But Killian was the grandson of a Sultan and if Sultans knew anything, it was determination, strength—both physically and emotionally—and how to wield a sword. Killian not only wanted to learn how to use it, but he also needed to learn it.

It meant that for his weakness as a young lad, he had quickly learned what to do with a sword. He quickly learned what it meant to become strong and fight like a Sultan. And yet, at the moment, he feels very weak, though not physically weak; his mind is constantly drifting off to visions of green eyes and golden hair. Emma’s vibrant smile, her beautiful breasts, her alluring scent and the taste of her lips drown him, weakening every part of him.

James swings his sword so quickly, Killian doesn't have enough time to block him, and instead, the Sultan’s sword is knocked out of his hand. Soaring through the air, it lands in the grass as Killian leaps back to avoid the end of James’ blade, falling to the ground with a groan.

James stands over him, holding the point of the blade at Killian’s neck as the Sultan raises his hands in surrender. “You were great with a sword when you were a child.”

Killian frowns at him. “Your words cut like a sword.”

James offers a grin as he removes the blade from the Sultan’s neck and extends his hand, helping Killian off the ground. “You’re still pretty great at it.”

Killian gives in to a laugh. “You’re not so bad yourself. No other man would be able to send me to my back. This moment makes me glad I am not your enemy.”

“I am glad as well,” his concierge chuckles. “Normally, I would not be so lucky to send you on your back. That is what your concubines are for, Your Majesty, is it not?” he teases as they sheath their swords and find a shady spot underneath a fig tree. They relax in the grass where Pages bring them olives, cheese and sherberts. Every day, he and James either engage in sword practice at the palace or travel to the Meydan with their arrows and spears for target practice.

“Indeed you're right,” Killian chuckles, anxious for one concubine, in particular, to have him on his back as she rides him into oblivion.

James drains his silver goblet and selects an olive, chewing it slowly and childishly spitting out the pit into the chalice. “Your Majesty, tell me what troubles you.”

Killian glances at James, catching a knowing smirk on his face. A rosy blush spreads over the Sultan’s cheeks as he scratches behind his ear, a smile threatening his lips. “What gave me away?”

There’s mirth dancing in James’ eyes as he regards the Sultan with a quirked brow. “The better question is what hasn’t given you away .”

Killian takes a sip from his chalice, deciding what he shall divulge to his concierge. The most James knows at this point is that Killian has been playing anonymous chess with one of his concubines, and there is really no reason not to tell him, except he isn't fond of anyone knowing how much Emma has affected him over such a short period of time.

“Since when are you hesitant?” he asks playfully, mocking Killian’s words during a conversation they had a while back.

Killian chuckles and shakes his head. “I am not hesitant… it’s just…”

James playfully cocks a brow and waits for him to speak, but Killian is still uncertain as to how he can precisely explain in words the thoughts endlessly roving his mind. He’s not really sure what to say, which is unheard of for him. He is never at a loss for words like this. He speaks with such confidence and passion at the council meetings in front of his army officers. Killian had told them not too long ago he would one day rule the seven seas, and yet here he is, hesitant to speak of his feelings for a woman to his closest friend. “My apologies, you are so confident today,” James jokes with a soft chuckle.

Killian sighs in defeat as the soft breeze washes over him. “I met the woman I’ve been playing chess with.” The words leave his lips much more weakly than he had intended, and he looks down, picking up an olive and studying it carefully to avoid eye contact with James.

“So she is indeed a woman?”

Killian lifts his gaze and pops the olive in his mouth, carefully removing the pit and discarding it on the silver tray. “She is. Her name is Emma.”

“Ah, yes, I’ve heard of her from Ruby. She is the one who challenged your partisan policy.”

Killian’s eyes dart to his concierge, although he shouldn’t be surprised. Of course, a woman who dares enter his study would also be daring enough to speak against his policies. “She is the same person?”

“Yes, she is one of the lush gifts your mother will present to you on your birthday.”

“Ah, I see,” Killian nods, trying to remain impassive when in reality, he already knows of his gifts and is beyond excited to have the honor of being graced with his blonde concubine’s presence at his birthday fete.

Nemo had informed him of the virgin gifts the Valide Sultan had requested from him and the great lengths the Chief Eunuch had gone to procure them. He had ensured Killian they were not sterile. Other than that small bit of information, Nemo hadn’t said much about them, only that they were four new gediklis in training, and Killian would not meet them until his birthday. At first, the Sultan had not been very welcoming to the idea of taking concubines who were capable of bearing children, to his bed; he would’ve rather gone to his bed alone to save himself from another possible heartache. He also hadn’t shown favor to the idea of his mother making decisions for him and putting more pressure on him to sire an heir, but that was before he’d met Emma and had come to the conclusion that he wants to start a family.

“Does it disappoint you knowing she is challenging your policies?” James asks, pulling Killian from his revery.

“Not in the least.” A smirk threatens Killian’s lips; if possible, he is even more intrigued by his swan.

James studies him with curiosity. “Do tell how you met her in person, Your Majesty.”

Killian blushes profusely, a bashful smile spreading across his lips as he casts a timid glance at James. “You cannot tell anyone else of this.”

His concierge shakes his head. “Of course I won’t, Your Majesty.”

Killian’s breath quivers as he exhales slowly. “I met her yesterday, she was outside the harem, swimming in the pool.”

A mixture of shock and fascination washes over his face. “Is that so? She does like to test the limits of the palace, does she not?”

“Aye, she does.”

“And what happened when you found her in the pool? How did you know it was your mystery opponent?”

Killian smirks. “I had the privilege of joining her and we spoke briefly before she gave her identity away. She mentioned the gardens, so I told her gardening was my favorite pastime, and she let it slip that she thought chess was my favorite pastime instead.”

James opens his mouth, his eyes dancing with bemusement. “And how did you respond?”

“She feared I would punish her, and perhaps I should have, but James, how could I punish someone who challenges me at a very compelling game of chess? She is currently winning, so I took a break from the game to consider my next move carefully.”

“She is very brave, I'll give her that.”

“She is,” Killian nods in agreement, a small smile tugging the corner of his lips, “and I must admit, her bravery is very attractive. Where did she come from?”

“She’s from Misthaven.”

“Misthaven?” Killian asks, a slow smile curving his lips. “From your homeland?”

James gives a nod. “Yes, and she's a princess, Your Majesty, or so I was told. I was taken from Misthaven long before she was born.”

“A princess?” he parrots, arching a brow. It seems his swan continues to surprise him.

“Yes.” James sends a questioning glance, scrutinizing the Sultan carefully. “So tell me, Your Majesty, how do you feel about the princess?”

Killian’s smile widens, taking over his entire face. “She is beautiful and charming and smart.”

“That I’ve gathered, but how do you feel about her?” James asks again.

“You would really like to know?”

James gives a nod, a smile gracing his lips. “Do tell, Your Majesty.”

Killian has to sift through his thoughts a moment before he can possibly begin to supply an answer. He’s not even entirely sure how he feels about the blonde temptress, or at least he’s not sure how to describe his feelings in words. He lets his mind drift off to the previous afternoon when he’d seen her naked in the pool, and how it felt to be in the presence of his mysterious opponent upon discovering this lovely woman was the same person. He also thinks about his moment of clarity in the pool when she’d left.

“Well…” Killian pauses when his voice cracks, and he runs a hand through his hair, clearing his throat, hoping he can compose himself as he speaks of his feelings for her. “When I saw her, she was naked and her body was exquisite.” A smile pulls at his lips as he stares off into space with visions of her stunning figure on his mind. “My heart was racing, and I felt as if I was drowning. Even though I was above water, I could not breathe. Now I can’t stop thinking about the lovely curves of her body, but I know I must wait to have her until my birthday, out of respect for my mother.” Killian looks over at James and sees him shifting uncomfortably. The Sultan frowns in confusion. “Tell me, my head concierge, why does this topic discomfort you so? Are you not the one who inquired about it?”

James blushes, offing a small smile. “Apologies, Your Majesty, but since she was brought here to the palace as not only a gift for you, but a possible future Kadin, I have no doubt she is exquisite, so I wish to hear more of how you feel about her, rather than her physical beauty.”

Killian nods in understanding, and suddenly the blush floods his cheeks once again.

“There you are blushing again,” James taunts him. “Tell me why she makes you blush.”

The Sultan chuckles. James is right; Killian seems to blush every time he thinks about how he feels about her. He takes a deep breath before answering. “We shared a kiss,” he admits, suddenly becoming shy again. “It was…” He blows out a breath, his mind frazzled from simply thinking about it. “It was life-changing,” is the only way Killian can honestly describe it. “And since then, I have felt… I've felt like for the first time since Milah, I can find love again. I can finally begin to think of starting a family.” He tears up at the idea and looks over at James, afraid of his concierge’s reaction, although he shouldn't be. He knows James only wants him to be happy.

A slow grin creeps across James’ lips. “You can, Your Grace, and you are on your way there. This woman is already affecting you, I could tell before you spoke a word of her.”

Killian raises a brow, surprised. “You could?”

“Well yes,” he chuckles. “I have known you for many years, and never have you allowed me to win at sword practice. Nor have you ever been at a loss for words, so yes I could sense a change.”

“Apologies, my friend.”

Both men push themselves up, ready to head inside the palace.

“Please, do not apologize, I am glad you are finally opening your heart up to the possibilities that await you.”

“Thank you, James.” Killian smiles appreciatively and draws his concierge into a hug. He is grateful for James and the brotherhood they have formed. He is thankful he still has someone to lean on after losing his blood brother and father, and he hopes that one day, the Sultan after him will also have a brother to lean on, whether he is blood or not.

He pats his concierge on the back, and James’ features are creased with confusion as they break the hug. “I would like to say you’re welcome, but I’m not so sure what you are thanking me for, Your Majesty.”

“For making me see clearly again. I have done everything in my power to avoid getting close to a woman again, but you have reminded me why it is important to start a family... and not because I do not yet have an heir, but because I want my children to become as close as you and I are, as close as Liam and I were. I want them to lean on one another, not start rivalries for the throne.” He looks at James and smiles. “You have always been there for me, and I want my children to be there for one another, too.”

“And I will always be there for you,” James promises sincerely, raising his hand to gently squeeze the Sultan’s shoulder. “You will be an amazing father, so I have no doubt you will teach them the importance of family.”

“Thank you, James.”

They walk casually inside the palace, discussing another hunting trip to occupy Killian so he can think of his swan without being tempted to seek her out before his birthday. But before they go their separate ways to prepare for the trip, James turns to look at Killian once more.

“Tell me one more thing, Your Majesty.”

Killian looks over at him, lifting a brow. “What is it you wish to know?”

“How will you continue the chess match?”

A mischievous smile crosses Killian's lips. That is a question he can easily answer, for he knows precisely how to continue it.

~*~

After Emma’s schooling for the day, she heads to the Sultan’s study with butterflies fluttering around her stomach. It’s been three weeks since she had seen the Sultan at the pool, but she hadn’t been able to find an opportune time to leave the harem without anyone seeing her, and she is hoping—hoping might be an understatement—no, she is beyond anxious to see whether the Sultan has finally responded to her previous move or not. She had been too enamored by him and not brave enough, if she’s being honest, to ask why he has not made his next move yet.

Emma steps into the room and approaches the chessboard. Her eyes widen as she scans the board. She is amazed beyond belief, her mouth falling agape, and she has to blink a few times to make sure she is seeing the board correctly. He has left his king wide open for her. Normally she'd think it’s a trap, but once Emma makes this move, the Sultan will be done for, since she can easily sweep in and checkmate his king, claiming her victory. He has let her win. But why? For what purpose? Could he be trying to send her an abstruse message? But what message? Perhaps he is trying to tell her he surrenders to her? And by that, he is also telling her he is surrendering his heart? Or perhaps he is testing her to see if she is willing to surrender herself to him by not taking his king, and then he will sweep in and take her king after she leaves his white one be.

Emma is confused as to how to proceed. She thinks about it for a long while, her lips pursing together as she ponders what to do. If Emma surrenders to him, he will have the upper hand and all of her efforts will have been wasted, but if she wins, she will prove to him she has power over him, and perhaps he will be turned off by her insolence, and he will seek out another concubine? Shall she take that risk? After all, she doesn't wish to be intimidated by him nor feared by him. As James had said, if Killian does not see what value she possesses then he is foolish.

Emma is not vain by any means, but she is well aware of the effect she’s had on men in the past. They had desired her and would’ve gladly taken Baelfire’s place to be married to her. She even thought, at one point, Graham was one of those men. He was a friend or at least pretended to be, but she’d often wondered whether his feelings for her were purely platonic or something more. Emma’s features grow solemn. Thinking about the man who’d betrayed her makes her shiver.

The last time she’s trusted a man, he had let her down. She has put much faith in her uncle and sees her father in him, yet she still doesn't know if he is truly trustworthy or not, though she really wants to believe he is. Emma is not one to back down from a challenge though. Her uncle is challenging her to steal the Sultan’s heart and the Sultan is challenging her to steal his king and simultaneously his own heart. Or so she hopes.

After several moments of internal debate, Emma finally makes a decision. She reaches for her black queen, and as she starts to move the piece, the door flies open, causing Emma to whirl her head around.

Standing at the doorway are Nemo and two guards. Emma releases the game piece, her eyes widening as she stands up. How did they know she was in here? “My apologies for leaving the Harem, I’m afraid I have gotten lost.”

“I’m sorry Emma, but we have been ordered to bring you to the Valide Sultan.”

She nods cooperatively, swallowing thickly. She’d expected this would happen eventually; it's the risk she’s been taking by leaving the harem and entering the Sultan’s study. “Of course.” She quickly moves to the corridor, and with a guard on each side and the chief eunuch following behind her, she wonders how the Valide Sultan knew she was not in the harem. She thought Elsa was the only one who knew. Perhaps someone had noticed she was missing and went searching for her. Emma's thoughts are put on pause for the time being as they reach the harem courtyard where Kira appears to be very angry.

“My Sultana, I am very sorry,” Emma apologizes sincerely, bowing her head. “I wandered off too far and lost my way.”

The woman moves swiftly and lifts Emma’s chin to look her in the eye. “That is enough lies. You have intentionally disobeyed the rules bestowed upon you. Leaving the harem, walking down the golden road without my son’s summons and entering his study?” Kira scoffs, her features twisting in disgust as she releases Emma's chin. “You may be beautiful, but beauty fades over time. And Nemo tells me you have a razor-sharp mind and have excelled in your studies, but intelligence will not warm the Sultan’s bed. We don’t need clever, we need well-behaved, and you are certainly not.”

“But I am well-behaved, Your Majesty, I am just not accustomed to the cloistered life of the palace. I will try harder, I promise.”

“I don’t care for your excuses!” she shouts, her sharp tone startling Emma. “You have no doubt been drummed with the expectations of the palace and are clearly aware of what is forbidden, where you can go and where you cannot! You want to venture off wherever you please, perhaps you will enjoy venturing off to the dungeon.” She looks at the guards and tilts her head towards Emma. “Get rid of her.”

Panic is rippling through her as the guards grab her arms. If Emma's in the dungeon, how is she supposed to dance for the Sultan on his birthday, which is in two days? If she's not there for the ceremony, he will undoubtedly choose someone else to take to his bed, someone who could potentially give him a prince, and her plans will be ruined. Emma's eyes widen in panic as she looks around, seeing Mother Superior and other servants and eunuchs who, judging by their puzzled expressions, clearly do not agree. There is a woman standing beside the Sultana, whom, as her elegant clothing suggests, Emma presumes is the sister of the Sultan she’s heard about, but the young woman appears to be impassive to the whole situation.

“But Your Majesty, she is a gift for the Sultan’s birthday, as you have asked me to procure.” Nemo reminds her in a stern tone, and although he is questioning her orders and has a very strong position as Chief Eunuch, Emma can sense he is afraid of Kira. A smile almost graces Emma’s lips as she looks at him, thankful he is speaking up for her. She prays this will convince Kira, for the Chief Eunuch is correct—the entire reason for Emma being here is so she can be presented on the Sultan’s birthday with hopes of giving him a prince.

“I asked you to bring me the best concubines you could find and you have done a fine job with the others, but unfortunately you have selected this woman poorly. Find an odalisque to take her place.”

Nemo’s fear floats to the surface as he looks at Emma, for he knows she will be impossible to replace. “But my Sultana—”

“Do not argue with me!” Kira snaps angrily. “Take her down to the dungeon and lock her up, or your manhood will not be the only thing you are missing!”

Nemo looks like he has just swallowed his tongue as he nods his compliance. “Yes, my Sultana.” He turns to the guards, gesturing for them to move. “You heard our Sultana, take the girl to the dungeon.”

Emma squirms against them as they pull her out of the courtyard.

“No, you can’t do this to me!” she screams. “Pleeeease! Let me go!”

The Valide Sultan pays her no mind and dismisses the staff from the courtyard. Following behind her mother, Regina has the hint of a smirk on her face, for she is the one who had overheard Emma’s conversation with another concubine about leaving the harem, and waited to witness her leaving with her own two eyes before informing her mother. If this little slave girl thinks she can come and go from the harem and do as she pleases, she is sadly mistaken.

~*~

The day has finally come. It's his birthday, and he's not sure he's been this excited in all his existence. Not only of the possibilities of a future with the swan girl from his harem but also the conclusion of the chess game they've been engaging in. He is anxious to see how she's responded. He had made the move weeks ago before fleeing from the palace for another hunting trip with James. He had been too afraid he’d be tempted to seek her out after their encounter at the pool. Furthermore, he doesn't wish to take another woman to his bed in order to cool the lust he feels for Emma.

As a young Neverland prince, he had been taught the ways of women and had grown to be a healthy and virile man, as Sultans normally are, but unlike his father, Killian has sustained some self-control and discipline when it comes to physical intimacy. Thank the Gods he has, because, after the pool incident with Emma, his patience to take her to his bed is wearing thin. And he had arrived at the stark conclusion that no other concubine will be enough to quell the ache he feels for the blonde houri, so why bother trying when he knows all attempts will prove to be futile? He’d made a promise to himself that not only will Emma be the first maiden he will take to his bed as Sultan, but she will be his first wife, and he doesn’t plan on breaking that promise.

Killian steps into his study and strides over to the chess board, scanning it over. His heart sinks when he sees all of the black pieces are still intact, apart for one piece that is slightly off-kilter. He wonders what had happened. Did she hear someone coming and pause the game to hide? Has she been unable to return from the harem since then? Or did she simply decide not to continue the game with him?

He moves to the door, hauling it open, but pauses before he leaves, turning towards the chess table once more, his eyes studying the piece that had been slightly moved. He’d left his king open, simultaneously laying his heart on the line for her, and returned, hoping she would have responded, hoping she would have laid her heart on the line for him as well. What holds her back from doing so?

Killian steps out of the room and heads down the corridor to his private bath to wash off the smell of sweat, horses and forest from his skin as he ponders the question eating at him. Perhaps it’s the first scenario, and she's been too busy preparing for the ceremony that requires his presence in the Imperial Hall tonight, to return to the game. His mother has, undoubtedly, imposed a mountain of pressure on Emma, the other maidens as well as the servants of the palace to make the event seamless. And perhaps Emma has been too overwhelmed with the expectations of the ceremony and the events that may proceed. Though he is hardly present in the harem, he knows very well of the responsibility drummed into every concubine who enters the harem, to please the Sultan. For someone who’s never been intimate with another, let alone a Sultan, the prospect of the first time can be very frightening to think about. He imagines Emma’s mind is too frazzled with all of these things to worry about a silly chess game.

Yes, he's sure, or at least hopes those are the reasons why his lovely swan has not returned to finish the move.

Tagging: @courtorderedcake@teamhook @onceuponaprincessworld @nikkiemms @followbatb @resident-of-storybrooke @hollyethecurious @snowbellewells @artistic-writer @ultraluckycatnd @kmomof4 @darkcolinodonorgasm @lovepurplepumpkins @kiwistreetswan @therooksshiningknight @deathbycaptainswan @tiganasummertree @superchocovian @emeraldwitches

[digimonadventuretimelines]

[05 - The Birth of the Space-Time Traveler]

“I won’t tell you anything!” Strikedramon shouted “My brother and I won’t talk to any of you humans!”

“Don’t test me, or else…”

“Or else what, punk?”

Stingmon cracked his knuckles, giving a death glare at the Strikedramon duo who gulped quietly.

“Sir, we will t-talk!” the second Strikedramon babbled “We’re part of a gang called Roar of Freedom, and they’re planning to separate humankind from the digimon.”

“Y-Yea, and our leader is a big bad wolf named Lupin--”

“Don’t say that name idiot! Don’t you know he can hear you!?”

“... R-right, the troop might be around.”

“Don’t worry” Ken said with a serious tone “We will do our best to keep you two safe. But please cooperate with us” they he smiled.

“Wow, Ken’s really good at dealing with criminals” Agumon whispered to Taichi.

“Indeed” and he answered with a quiet voice.

“Okay, we will talk about it” the first Strikedramon nodded, “His name is Lupinmon and he has ordered us to invade the human world and get rid of the DigiWorld’s ambassadors.”

“He also has loyalty of two dangerous digimon” the second Strikedramon added “One is his most powerful soldier, and the other is his assassin.”

Ken recorded those on his phone and mind, while Taichi was learning against the wall and watching the interrogation.

“Thank you for cooperating with us” Ken said with a soft tone “As my promise, we will keep you two safe from them. I will call the assistance for you now.”

-------------------------------------------------

The gate opened next to the Motomiya-Inoue’s residence, where Kiyoko, Taisuke and Eiji were taking a break and eating some snacks. 

“You brought us to my house…?” Daichi blinked “Wait, we need to help mr. Yagami--”

“Taichi’s old but not weak” Natsu said “Don’t forget, he was the leader of his group, the same group your parents were part of. And Daisuke also was like, the third in command, Yamato was the second.”

“Uh, guys” Ulforce interrupted them “I think there’s someone at home. It’s not a good idea go there”

“It must be Kiyoko” Daichi mused “I hope she’s okay… Wait I will call her.”

Natsu and Ulforce looked at each other while the kid took his phone from his pocket and dialed up his house’s phone. As he assumed, his little sister answered the call.

“Hello, Kiyoko? Are you and the guys ok? I was going to the theater when heard the news. Wait, you three left before it happened!? Ok, ok… Glad you’re fine. Anyway, I’ve met my friends and I will be a bit late today. Tell mom to not let her worried with me again. Thank you, sis” he hung up the phone and put it back on his pocket.

“So… you lied to her.”

“Not totally” he smirked “After all you two are my friends. Anyway, let’s go. I’m partnered with Ulforce now.”

“Wait, you want to go after your father right now!?” she gasped “No, no. Daichi, listen. Your father does not remember of you or him being human! He was brainwashed to think he’s a digimon!”

“He… he remembered of my name. I’m sure he’s still there. But i meant… Travel back to the time he was captured, before that and warn him!”

“Um… you want to do a minor change on the past?”

“That doesn’t seem a bad idea” Ulforce shrugged “It wouldn’t erase this world right?”

“Hm… I think not” she answered “How about we ask Skuld’s opinion? She seems to know more about space-time.”

“You trust on that woman-like Digital World’s agent, digi-girl!?”

“She seems nice” Natsu shrugged.

“... Let’s ask her, please” Daichi nodded “Take us there again Natsu.”

“OK! I think I figured it out, it’s connected to…” from behind her scarf, she took a pendant on her necklace. It seemed an octagon-shaped crystal, with some pink sand inside “... this little thingy I have here!”

Natsu took the pendant and pointed it from an empty place. In the next seconds, a flash came from the crystal, opening a gate in front of them.

  “Daichi called and said he was inside when the theater got attacked” Kiyoko told Taisuke and Eiji, and they could notice her panic “But he said he’s fine. Do you think… No, the adults are adults and know how to handle things.”

“So you were concerned about my father huh” Taisuke didn’t know how to avoid bitterness but it was too late. Kiyoko frowned at him, and Eiji put a hand on Taisuke’s shoulder.

“I’m sure my dad will be called and he will protect uncle Taichi.”

“Huh, you really think that ol’ man is unable to protect himself!? Nothing to worry about!”

“You admit it. You’re worried about him,” she said with a deadpan face.

“What!? I don’t!?”

“It’s okay” Eiji laughed nervously “I think Kiyoko just misinterpreted your commentaries.”

“... I just want him to go home” Taisuke whispered “and safe.”

-------------------------------------------------

The gate opened in front a mysterious armored angel digimon, it seemed like part of the Angemon species branch, but nothing like anything Daichi had seen before. Its armor was white, and the chest plate had a keyhole on it. The angel was also holding a big key… That made the young kid think of an old game he had seen his best friend talking about once.

“Who’s there?”

“Uh, it’s me. I’m back” Daichi announced, and once everyone was on the mysterious dimension palace, the gate behind them closed.

“You…” the digimon approached from the boy “Ah yes, you. The child from the other day.”

“Excuse me, but I don’t remember of knowing you before…”

“Pardon, I’m Clavis Angemon and I protect this place.”

“Oh…! I’m Daichi, these are Natsu and Ulforce. Do you know where Skuld is, mr. Clavis Angemon?”

“She was waiting for your return, space-time traveler. Please come with me you three” and the angel digimon gracefully led the trio to a part of that emptiness place where was filled with doors, all of them of the same size and design. They had rustic wood, but the doorknob was completely made of gold.

“Mrs. Skuld” Daichi called her once they found the mysterious woman reading a holo-screen “I’m came back. I’ve decided what I want to do.”

“You did?” She moved her hands, and the screen disappeared “Say my child, what’s your decision.”

“I want to use the space-time power to prevent Motomiya Daisuke to be captured.”

There was a serious tone on Daichi’s voice. Very determined, somehow reminding of his father. Skuld smiled, then she responded to his bravery with a nod.

“Very well. You found an objective to be achieved. However, rules are important my young traveler.”

“Rules…? Like, not let anyone know I’m from the future?”

“Yes. And you cannot let any of your parents and their acquaintances to know about your true identity.”

“Fair. I won’t mess with more than warning the Chosen Children about the enemy.”

“But Daichi” Natsu interrupted him “You don’t know what kind of enemy is!”

“Heh, we will see” Ulforce nodded “It can’t be THAT bad!!”

“... Considering Daisuke got BEATEN and CAPTURED” she replied with a very angry tone “Oh yes, it might not be a real deal huh?”

“M-maybe he miscalculated!?”

“You’re saying that Daisuke messed things up and that’s the result of his own mistake!?”

“Stop fighting, please” Daichi interrupted them “My dad isn’t that smart nor that dumb, but he can commit a lot of mistakes in a row.”

“I’m so offended right now!” Natsu crossed her arms.

“Anyway, we can do that right Skuld?” Daichi glanced at the mysterious woman “Warn the Chosen Children that someone is after one of them.”

“I don’t see any problem” she answered “As long you don’t get your true identity be revealed, you’re free to do anything harmless.”

“Ok,” he looked back at the other two digimon “Natsu, Ulforce let’s roll.”

“You’re channeling into your mother right now” Natsu sighed, but nodded.

“Wait, his mother had some kind of catchphrase??” Ulforce blinked.

“She was the cheer of the group” the digi-girl explained “Used to say ‘Digital Gate open! Chosen Children let’s roll!' every single time they went to the Digital World.”

Daichi blushed, “L-let’s stop talking about my mom and let's go save my dad please.”

  -------------------------------------------------

“Mom, I’m home”

Taisuke closed the door after arriving at home, but the lights were off in the living room. He walked in, then something caught his attention: He heard his mother’s voice talking on the phone and hid in the corridor to hear a bit of the conversation.

“I see, you’re investigating those incidents…Should I tell Yamato and Koushiro?”

Seemed it was his father the one on the other side of the line.

“Are you OK though? I heard the premiere event had been attacked. Oh thank goodness you’re fine…! Are you… Coming home? Huh? You will be late again?”

“Tsk, just like the usual” Taisuke muttered.

“I… I understand. Do you need my help? No? Oh okay I will keep an eye on Taisuke then, don’t worry. The mom Sora is still in shape to protect those she loves!”

“Me? Protect me ?!” he thought and clenched his fist “I do not need to be protected! I can do anything by myself! I… I’m strong, stronger than you and mom!”

The rage Taisuke felt had been there for a long time ago. Mostly after Taichi had become an ambassador for the Digital World, working day and night to keep both parties safe. Sora is a Japanese fashion designer, but tries to find time for her only son, Taisuke.

It does not help that the young child despises how busy Taichi had became. Especially now with this new enemy reveal. However, Taisuke does not know about that. He does not know that both parents are linked to the old stories he heard from his aunt Hikari.

And deep down, he wanted to do something big enough to make his father look at him. Something…

“Oh, Taisuke you’re home??” once Sora had hung up the phone, she noticed him there eavesdropping, but pretended he wasn’t listening to her and Taichi at all “Did you eat something?”

“Uh I… I had. I was with Kiyoko and Eiji” he replied “I’m going to sleep. Good night, mom. Night, Piyo” and he went to his room.

“Is he okay?” Piyomon tilted her head.

“... I think he heard me” Sora frowned “He’s missing Taichi because lately...”

Piyomon got a bit concerned about that scene, but wasn’t able to cheer Sora up or give any kind of advice like she had used to in the past.

[daftpatience]

This is a story about how I turned two of my friends into a couple. One of my friends (Max) is also my downstairs neighbour and I only met him at the start of high school because him and his friend (who I also became friends with) sat next to me in Algebra. He's kinda quiet (but not shy) ((I however, am very shy)), but he's also really gruff (and ripped as fuck) and will fight someone with no hesitation (He did it once in the cafeteria to protect me and it was nice of him but super embarrassing)

ANYWAYS he’s openly gay and when second semester started I was sat next to another friend of mine (Jake), and I noticed that he had some of those big, rubbery bracelets that you get at hot topic of Supernatural and Nirvana (and some others) and, in an attempt to be not so pathetic I told him I also liked Nirvana (of course we live in seattle) and that my friend Max liked Supernatural and Nirvana but stopped watching it for some reason. We kept talking and became friends.We kept talking and became friends. After about two weeks he dyed his hair blue and I tried telling him it looked nice and he misinterpreted my compliment and told me he “Sorry I don’t date white guys anymore” and I told him I was straight (I’m bi but wasn’t out yet ((still kinda not, only some people know))… and then I started to realize that him and Max have similar tastes and are both kinda “xtreme” (they both like the fast and furious movies and both love mad max fury road).So I told him that I knew someone he needed to meet and found out we had the same lunch and he walked the track during lunch so I set him up to sit at Max’s table the next day. I told Max about this and he was fine with meeting him but wanted to know why and I told him he was also gay and Max sighed and told me that “Just because he’s also gay doesn’t mean I’ll date him”.Fast forward to a week later and I was already gonna go on a date with this cute cheerleader chick and I proposed doing a double date with Jake and Max because Jake did want to ask Max out. They agreed and I got stood up and left early because I didn’t want to be a third wheel. I was so embarrassed that I put down 30 dollars on the table and told them not to worry about it.(Max ended up giving me *50* later that night in return because I’m really poor and his family is always trying to give me and especially my single mom stuff to help us out). Max said it was “Fine” but Jake wouldn’t shut up about it. They later went on another date where they saw some action movie and I guess something real stupid happened in it and they both kinda put their hands down on the single armrest in between their seats and like, touched handsand Max left his hand there and kinda grabbed Jake’s and they held hands for the rest of the movie. I thought this was a really nice story and I was over at Max’s house a few days after and his parents were bugging Max about wanting to meet Jake and asking me about him and I ended up telling his parents the hand holding story and they were freaking out (in a good way, they are really awesome but goofy) and Max looked at me like he was plotting my murder. (that’s pretty usual tho).Their third “date” ended up being on Valentine’s Day, they wanted to do something together but Max had to do something that day with his parents so instead Jake walked home with Max (and me sorta, I walk home too but I was just walking behind them listening to music) and they ended up holding hands after we passed main street. They stood out on the grass while waiting for Jake’s aunt to pick him upI walked upstairs to my apartment but while I was walking I saw Max’s parents peeking out to Max and Jake from their living room window and kinda laughed to myself. I heard the story the next day from Jake… So they stood and talked for a bit but Jake’s aunt pulled up like, down the block and off a bit so Jake started to walk away. Max tells him to wait, so Jake rushes back to him and Max looks at him and goes “… What? No kiss goodbye?” so Jake stands there, waiting for Max to kiss him.(sorry I didn’t know there was an ask limit but here’s the rest!) Instead he just kinda stares at Jake so he is kinda like “uhhh, aren’t you gonna kiss me?” and Max, the Cool Dude, whose always smooth and funny knows what to do, looks at him dead in the eye and says “I DON’T KNOW HOW” in a panic. So Jake kisses Max and then Max’s parents burst out of their house, clapping and yelling, and frantically introduce themselves (Also Max’s dad pointed at Jake, looked at Max and proclaimed “He’s blue!”)They are still together and I always love to remind them that I'm responsible for this in hopes that they will like, idk, buy me something or whatever. They are both really cool, and Max's parents are also super awesome and I'm glad to be their neighbours.

wow! what a story!

[lemon-sugarcoats-nothing]

The following is part of a post i made on DA shortly before my bday- Thought i should put it here for- my friends who arent on DA, but are on here- so.. yeah- full version of this is on my 16th birthday acknowledgement deviation post description- Along with theee rest of my life before now

TW; Im- talking about my experience of suicidal thoughts, ideation and- planning. What lead up to it, and the results. What helped me out of it, and where i am now- Im okay for the time being, i dont have any plans to kill myself anymore- soo... yeah- 

This year has been better than last with events, but hasnt been mental health-wise. Life somewhat teased a repeat of my last year, many- many times- but didnt. Yet. Dear god i hope it doesnt repeat- But the fear of a repeat has left me distracted from school. The first quarter went well, but the second went to shit almost immediately. i fell behind on school...really badly. I was still doing some homework, but couldnt focus on it very long. I was going through my days without really living them; going to classes, only to not pay attention, and to watch youtube all the way until bed. Maybe i'd draw some too. When december rolled around i decided i was going to get back on track during winter break. I had about...17 overdue at the time, so this wasnt an unreasonable goal. "Im going to do a few assignments a day. I have more than a week to do this, so i'll still have plenty of free time"...and then every single one of my classes assigned essays the week before winter break. Something about me is that.. i cant focus in reading something im not 1. reading for myself and 2. have no interest in. I just cant. I have to listen to it being read, or i have to find SOMETHING to motivate me. And all of these essays had a reading passage to go with them...and i- broke... The class sessions i was supposed to be working on the essays, i was having panic attacks and breakdowns instead. On top of this, i was being hit with memories of my childhood my brain had shut away- and i was having another gender identity crisis- And eventually this...lead to the suicidal thoughts. At some point they got so loud that i couldnt focus on anything else, but the thoughts- and these thoughts persisted for days until i started- thinking of a plan... at first it was just- thinking of how i would do it- just to get the thought to quiet down a little so i could finally distract myself- but distracting only goes so far... First i was only going to live out until christmas, but then i thought it'd be a waste to not live out christmas break- and i hadnt written anything to say goodbye, so i pushed the date until January 4th, so i could live the last week of my life in peace, and then die. For once in my life my procrastination actually benefited me, because when that date came, i realized i hadnt remembered to think of how to do the act, and also hadnt written anything. So... i pushed the date to the end of the semester...January 25th. I started writing to all my friends, because i couldnt think of just one letter for all of them.. i had something different to say to everyone- Then i lost the energy to write, and planned on recording an audio clip for each person, which would also save them the effort of reading- I has also written out an apology to my friend's parents, covering all my bases, and planned on recording audio for that too, so my tone couldn't be misinterpreted... It was around this point that i joined a few discord servers to help keep myself occupied, while completely neglecting my homework, and- this becomes important in a sec... The last step of planning for me was to figure out the best way to...die- I decided that- slitting my wrist- would be easiest, and would allow greater chance at survival if i changed my mind last minute, than the other options i was considering... One night, i couldnt sleep so i figured it wouldnt hurt to figure out how much pressure i'd need to apply to- do what's needed- but i didnt get very far and realized that this method wouldnt work and had to rework my plan. This was just a few nights before i met my new friends in one of the discord servers- When talking to these people, i was able to relax and- be at peace for once. And i started to feel my need to die...fading- it was still there, because i was scared of the consequences of not doing my schoolwork for so long- One of these nights, i ended up slipping off a clue to one of them that something is wrong when we were the only ones on vc- which worried him- and i cracked, and told him what's going on, lying a bit so he wouldnt worry. A few days later, my mom found out about my 27+ overdue assignments, and her reaction was WAAYYYYY more mild than i thought it'd be- which- gave me no more reason to die so the plans went to the dumpster, less than a week before they were to be carried out- She didnt make me do the assignments, she just told me to do better this semester. As soon as January 25th came, relief swept over me and for the first time in an entire month, i could fully relax... i wanted to cry from how much relief i was feeling lol the following week, i took to just take it easy, tho a lot of my teachers were starting to talk goals for this semester which- overwhelmed me a lot, because i was only just starting to think about what i wanted to do the next day- the week had a light homework schedule, so i didnt fall behind either, which is good! The week after that, aka last week, i was starting to build myself back up. Still wasnt attending all my classes, and wasnt paying attention in them, but did most of my homework. I have a few assignments to make up already, but thats okay, because im still trying to put myself back together, and i know i need to take it slow- This week, im still trying to get back on my feet but im starting to create goals now, and taking baby steps. Not thinking about goals for graduating yet, just about this quarter. This month even lol Im not going to worry about the assignments im missing just yet, but my goal is to make sure i get all my work in this quarter, even if its unfinished, or really really late. "Submitting something and getting points knocked is better than submitting nothing and getting a 0" is something my mom told me... and i want to make that my motto for this semester. Start everything, and submit everything, even if it isnt finished. Now, i still plan on apologizing to my friend's parents, but i need to fully move on from what happened in january first. I'll need to rewrite the script first too, because looking at it causes a feeling of dread and- upsetness?

[girlwsoftsound]

Calculus || Adam Hann Oneshot

Word Count: 2,133 Summary: When exams come around, you need your boyfriend Adam to help you through the panic that comes with them. Author’s Note: I feel like I added a bit of my hatred of Calculus in this fic subconsciously lol. I love it, though. Be sure to throw in a like or comment if you liked it! I love seeing feedback from you all. Please feel free to read my other work here! Enjoy!

There’s a special feeling of existential and emotional dread that likes to rear its ugly head every time exams come around.

It’s not like you are a bad student. No, you try hard and usually it pays off for you, at least well enough to pass your classes and maintain a steady GPA above or around a 3.5. You have no idea why you worry so much about your exams. You most likely will be find. But, you do. Obsessively so. So much that sometimes, while you are cooped up in the library nearest your campus apartment, you book a private reading room just so that you do not annoy those also trying to study with your crying and panic-fueled pep talks that often do more harm to your mental state than good.

It’s not that you want to be the best. It’s far from that actually. You could care less what you personally ended up with, so long as you passed and were able to continue on. C’s get degrees, the mantra goes. What you care about, what drives you to put so much pressure on yourself, is your parents. More specifically, their intent to hold everything you hold dear riding on your grades. Your car, your tuition, your money...even your boyfriend.

Yes, your parents dictate your ability to have and stay with your boyfriend based on how well you did in school. It is just as archaic and silly as it sounds, but it’s life.

Adam’s a great guy. Chill, sweet, a downright gentleman - in any other world, with any other set of parents, he’d be the guy they would be pressuring you to keep. He comes from a well-to-do background and is incredibly smart - the man majors in Biochemistry, for pete sakes. He is a strict parent’s wet dream, and a charmer to those who could normally care less. Yet, your parents have to be annoying. They have to make things hard on this boy, make his attraction to you a flux arrangement pinned on whether or not you are able to pass random courses assigned to you over semesters. He tells you it’s fine, but you feel it’s not. You hate it. You hate that your precious man, the boy with the softest touches and the sweetest of kisses, can go away if you forget to study a certain aspect of history, or misinterpret a writing prompt. It only adds to the anxiety.

That, and your complete inability to understand Calculus.

Seriously, what is up with this satanic subject?

It’s the last Math class you have to take, and it’s kicking your ass. You know it is. Every bit of your mind cries out when you fumble through the problems, and even the concepts you do get present themselves in completely different ways on exams, so it hardly is rewarding when something isn’t mentally tasking for once. It throws you into a huge tailspin of dread every time you work on it. Adam tries to help, but his brain works faster than you do, and despite his kind nature, it frustrates him. You can tell it does, which is why you never bring it up to him anymore. You simply sit, paralyzed in your room or your lecture hall or the library, and let panic take over. It’s easier that way, isn’t it? For him, at least. For your family. Nothing to worry about if you don’t really know how your daughter is failing miserably.

It all comes down to one exam. One final Calculus exam. You aced the other exams, but this one is the one for all the marbles. If you fail it, you are toast. Actually, if you get anything less than a 76, you are toast, because that gets you a C in the class, and your parents started off by saying that a B or higher is what is required to keep everything. It terrifies you. It brings you to such a panic that, once locked away in your favorite reading room, you send Adam a text claiming you are going off the grid until after the exam, because you could not stand to see him get worried over the fragile mental state you could feel yourself slipping into. He is too pure, too gentle to see that.

Studying starts out like it always does. Fear in the pit of your stomach, but determination winning out. You take a practice test and give it your all. After this is when thing start to change. Each red X next to a problem chips away at your determination. Each red X makes you shake, makes your brain unable to think. Each red X makes you want to stop existing, just long enough until the exam didn’t matter. Each red X makes your eyes turn to look at your phone, Adam’s face lighting up your lock screen and reminding you of what is good in your world, what there is to live for. But, his face only reminds you to keep studying. He reminds you of what you have to lose.

More studying, more frustration, more panic. You would be pulling your hair out by now if it wasn’t for the fact that Adam likes your hair. He tells you all the time. If you don’t get higher than a 76, you won’t hear him say it again. Ice cold, piercing fear hits you. Suddenly, the room is too small. Suddenly, you feel like exploding right then and there is a great option. Hands shaking, you take your pencil and, letting out a shriek, throw it as hard as you can against the wall. It hits and clinks down, barely causing the uproar you felt it did. Your breathing is rushed. You can’t really form perfect thoughts, or instruct yourself to so much as move to not be in the middle of the room. You sink to the ground, curl up, and let the thoughts eat away at you. You can’t do it. This is pointless. You’re going to fuck your life up just like they know you will.

“{Y/N}?”

The sound of his voice startles you, rattles something in your brain that screams for you to stop acting so childish and look up from your blank stare. He looks hurt, confused, ready to drop the coffee cup in his hand at your command to comfort you. Everything screams for you to get up and run into his arms. But, your everything is also paralyzed in fear. He takes one glance at your Calculus work on the table and, after setting your coffee and the food he brought along for you on it, kneels down to your level. His eyes are soft, saddened, yearning to meet yours. You can’t properly do that, though. Not now. Not when it feels like everything is too much. He seems to come to this realization fast, because he drops the attempt to meet them to instead hold you. His arms are warm, stable. Everything you are not. You don’t remember how you start to cry, but notice the way Adam’s fingers gently wipe them away when they cloud up your face with their trails.

“Hey,” he says gently, knowing anything more would be too much, “hey, it’s okay. I’m here for you, love. I’m here.”

He is. For now.

“A-Adam, I-”

“Shhh,” he replies, and you want to slap him because no, you don’t understand, this may be the last chance I have to talk to you alone because of my shitty parents, but your willpower only lets you whimper. “It’s alright. Do you want me to help?”

“B-But you h-hate-”

“We’ve had hard times trying to do this before, but I can shove that aside for today,” he tells you, and you believe that he’s right. You believe he’s going to hold up his end of the bargain, because he’s Adam. He would never lie to you, could never lie to you. “Can I pick you up, love?”

Yes, but don’t let go of me. “S-Sure.”

He brings you to your feet, holding you still seeing as your legs have grown wobbly from shaking. It’s the worst feeling coupled alongside the best. You want to cry again. Ushered over to your chair, he slides you in and pushes the coffee your way. Taking a sip, it tastes like Vanilla. Very sweet. Much like Adam. You thank him meekly, and he replies with a smile that takes what little breath you have left away.

“Looks like you have trouble with differential equations.” He has been looking through your practice test for the past few minutes, scanning the obnoxiously long 135 question exam carefully. He does not sound as frustrated as he normally does. He sounds calm, understanding. Getting up, he goes to the whiteboard in the room and brings one of your books to get problem ideas.

“Let me teach you a few tricks. These always tripped me up when I took Calc I.”

It is amazing. With few slip ups, he actually conveys those tricks to you, and they work. It is as if he found the Rosetta Stone and suddenly could speak your language. It’s not perfect, because Math still hates your brain and your brain hates it, but it helps. The rest of your studying goes much the same way. By the time you are finished with him, and the clock reads thirty minutes until your exam, you actually feel somewhat ready. Anxiety at a new low. Heart not racing wildly like normal, caffeine being all that is causing it to beat differently. He walks you to your exam room, hand in hand, and gives you a soft kiss at the door.

“Good luck,” he says, effortless, not knowing the risks behind this exam. You thank him, just as breathy, but less confident. Going into the pale room and getting your exam, you feel like dying. You wish he could stay by your side. You wish he could ease your nerves like that, like a service dog. A service person. A good boyfriend.

He’s out front when you leave the exam.

The next few hours are spent in his house, with tea in your hands, soft pillows beneath you, and cheesy romance movies playing on loop on the TV. Adam’s lips are on your neck, and you let them roam without question. You let him feel and explore, because perhaps this is the last time they can. Perhaps this is his last chance to let them taste your skin. You consider perhaps making tonight your first time being intimate with him, but quickly shove that thought away. As much as you want to, it will only make things worse if it turns out you have to break things off.

You settle for falling asleep in his arms, letting sleep take you and mend your frazzled body. Adam pets your hair until he too succumbs to sleep. You wake up early in the morning with his head resting gently on your shoulder. His soft breaths fill the air. You smile and gently shake him up. His beautiful green eyes flutter open, curious, happy to see your face staring back at him.

“Hello beautiful. Have you checked your grades yet?”

Shit. In your morning daze, you have forgotten that grades are probably out by now. Fear hits your stomach like a wrecking ball. Your mouth grows dry as you take out your phone to check. Adam is nervous beside you, but hardly in the same way you are. He doesn’t know how much it means to you. He doesn’t realize how close you are to panicking, to having your life crumble before you. The system is slow, and you forget your password out of fear, but eventually you get into your grades. A deep breath. A leap of faith. Shaking fingers. Loss of breath.

A 78.

Your hand clasps over your mouth as the tears start uncontrollably. You just made it. Adam can barely ask your grade by the time your arms are around him, smothering him close to you, happy sobs hitting his ear.

“I passed.”

“That’s my girl,” he tells you with a kiss. He hardly knows how grateful you are, truly. His help helped you just make it. He saved you. He saved the both of you. You would cry harder, but you can’t. It’s impossible for you to feel any more emotional.

Kissing him fully on the mouth, hungry, desperate, grateful, you look into his eyes and break out into a toothy grin.

“I love you so much, Adam Hann.”

It’s the first time you’ve ever said it.

He replies with the biggest smile you’ve ever seen him make.

“I love you too, {Y/N}, my incredibly smart, incredibly beautiful girlfriend. And I always will.”

[drowngrief]

   written    on     RELIGIOUS  PERCEPTIONS     in    relation    to    my    portrayal    of    brooke .

A . )       parental    influence    played    a    considerable    role    in    brooke’s    views       &       alignments in    regards    to    the    aforementioned .    

  –  quinn      subscribed    somewhat    silently    to    christianity ,         only    occasionally     attending      masses    for    christmas           (      &     easter ,       sometimes     )         in    order    to    maintain    a    stronger   public    image       &       appeal to a broader audience when the time came to run for mayor    ;         while    he    ran    as    a    republican    candidate ,          he    was    aware    that    there    were    always    a    handful    of    more    radical    people    who    were    likely    to hold what he did    in    public    against    him    if    he    didn’t    make   a    point    to    show    any    form    of    religious    faith .  

  –  monica ,    however ,       with    her    long  -  repressed    wanderlust       &       recurrent    need    for    something    new ,       found    her    form(s)    of    solace    through    gradually    increasing    absences       &       vagrancy ,        the    latter    both    in    a    literal       &       religious    sense .      she was brought up by catholic  parents  ––        her    mother    on    the    more    devout    end    with    her    father    more    untraceable    due    to    his    absences ,        which    overshadowed    his    wife’s    desire    to    make    spirituality    more    of    a    method    of    family    bonding  ––     but    fell    into    the    common    currents    of    her    father’s    absences come the later end    of    her    sophomore    year    in    high school .         she    didn’t    ‘fall’    into    partying ,      necessarily ,         but    slowly    realized    that    she    could    manipulate    herself    into    a    sense    of    belonging    somewhere    with    the    help    of    more    open  -  minded    friends       &       a    less    restrictive    environment .             she    then    fully    adopted the    more    open  -  minded    outlook    that    she    had    never    been    allowed    to    embrace    due    to    a    sense    of    obligation .       this    newfound    freedom    led    to    her    looking    into    different    belief    systems with    unparalleled    alacrity .        she    was    both    in    search    of    with    which    she    felt     most    connected    to      & ,       perhaps    more    importantly ,         which    could    be    used    to    help    her    to    achieve    the   furthest    distance    from    her    mother’s    looking  -  over  -  her  -  shoulder    nature    of    imposing .                                  +     this    also    serves    as    an    example    of    a    subconscious    imitation    of    her     father  ––         not    being    around    the    house ,         not    being    direct    in     whether     or    not    she      parallels    with    her    mother’s       (     rather    filmsy     )        set    of    rules    or    not .  

 in    regards    to     the    afterlife    specifically ,         quinn    feigns    whole  -  hearted    belief    in    heaven       &       hell ,       when ,       in    reality ,      he    is     too    reluctant     to    accept    anything    so    abstract    as    a    stone    cold    truth .         monica    appears    with    the    family    in    church    when    they    go      (    until  her    substance    abuse    worsens     )       to    help    promote    the    maddox    image ,       but    is    more    into    the    idea    of    reincarnation    than    anything    else   ––     at    least,        that    has    been    the    most    sticking    of    the    many .  

                            SO  WHERE  DOES  THIS  LEAVE  BROOKE ?

B . )       confused ,       perhaps ,      if    she    cared    a    bit    more    about    it    as    a    child .     when     once    asked    by    a    classmate    in    primary    school ,       brooke    told    them that    the    family    was catholic    without    giving   the    matter    much    thought  ––         it    was    hardly    discussed    in    the   house ,       &       they    went    to    a    catholic    church    to    celebrate    christmas    mass .        that    must    be it ,      then .         but    monica ,       who    had    jumped    at    the    first    opportunity    to    break    away    from that    mold ,           made    a    point    to    tell    her    that    they    weren’t    a    part    of    that    particular    denomination ,          leaving    her    with    no    solid    answers .

                                             so  brooke  didn’t  ask.

she simply assumed her family to reside somewhere on the spectrum of christianity ,         not opposing to mass until she reached the fifth grade      (     &       only because she dreaded the great  lull of the service     ) .          she assumed the same beliefs that her father projected for a while ––   life   after death ––   but rapidly began to question them with the influence of   online information      &       conversations  heard       &       had  among      /      with    peers.        (     not much was really questioned or challenged ,         as   the image of the family’s spirituality was fabricated      &     rarely touched upon as a family ––    monica stuck to her own on her wavering beliefs for a while.)  this went on through until brooke’s junior year of high school  ––      an idly lying    belief   canceled out by latent skepticism was forced to its crux   with   the string of murders    beginning with nina patterson .

   this ––    nina’s murder standing alone ––     was not what brought the question to its pinnacle.     brooke thought nina’s murder to be a totally freak,   one-time thing .     so ,     what was it  ?

                                                                     RILEY’S.

C . )    riley’s death  is what confirmed brooke’s original theory ––    that an attack on the second generation after the brandon james attacks would just be too lifetime movie esque to come true ––   to be fallacious .

   brooke finding out that ghostface’s texts put her    &    riley as the choose-between would  absolutely have the fault    /    responsibility-inducing effect on brooke, but from a smaller, more basic       &       emotion-desiccated viewpoint, the event & choice could be seen as something of a miracle .      don’t misinterpret––   brooke is nowhere near grateful that the victim was riley,     &      she would have rathered it be herself, but having fate twist in her favor in that way       (     beyond what money or her family is able to provide     )        would feel surreal for anyone.      she often finds herself consumed in the butterfly effect regarding this tragedy more than any other in her life,    leading to dreams in which she was the one murdered, in which she was the one who actually killed riley,        &       in which she feels the link on the handcuffs attaching her to the bedpost gradually growing white-hot until the pain is too much to bear. (the beginnings of survivor’s guilt.)

    brooke has never been one to look for the paranormal elements in her day to day life,     nor is it something that she’s into at all, but after riley’s death, there occasionally seemed to be a sort of unspoken presence in brooke’s house  in her bedroom      &     living room (a cooler draft, the creaking of floorboards under prodding feet). there also seemed to be more starless nights ––    even though louisiana offers no stunning view to begin with ––    after riley’s death,       &       things as simple as light refracted off of a glass     &     thrown into crystalline patterns on the walls brought back broken memories of better days .

basis  :       riley’s murder simultaneously heightened brooke’s belief in a god        (     without her even being that aware of it    )       &       made her internal denial of god’s existence even stronger .

D . )       the second influential event  on brooke’s faith was jake being stabbed in the chest in 1.07.     she tells noah in the beginning of 1.08 how the doctors described the knife missing jake’s organs as a MIRACLE,     &      to a logistical extent, is inclined to label his survival the same way.

   this was even after she did the inadvisable out of panic ––   pulling the knife out.     once again,    some bizarre,    too-good-to-be-true outward thing has righted one of her committed wrongs,      &     she does not at all feel deserving.

                                                  so one miracle kills while another saves .

   with her mother’s well being dangling in midair at this point in canon, she almost feels the twisted luck to point more towards the wanchancy of further familial corruption gone unseen  ––    it gives her a reason to be more suspicious that quinn might have done off with monica.

    in her childhood, she was fairly used to getting what she wanted ––    perhaps, she thinks, her mother’s fate being the opposite of what she hopes it to be would serve as another example of the universe putting her in the balance’s sternum, if only to see the next move she’ll make. it may also serve as some twisted form of karma –––   a way for the world to reinforce the mantra of “you can’t always get what you want”.

basis  :      jake surviving the bowling alley attack throws her for a serious loop in the attempt to determine exactly where she stands on the existence of a god.     here ,     she begins to lean more towards belief.

E . )     closely following the description of jake’s survival, however, arrived the news of will’s death.    this marked the loss of four of brooke’s closest acquaintances at the start of the series.      while it didn’t have as distinctive or lasting of an impact as some of the other losses suffered in brooke’s life,    the timing of it offered a wall for the gaining momentum of her blossoming belief to crash full-force into.      it seriously challenged any form of optimism that came with the ‘miraculous’ survival.      here is where she is forced to come to terms with agnosticism,      &      it only continues to sprout from this event      &      the conflicting viewpoints that came with the real-life contrast .

F . )     the deciding event in terms of her view on the afterlife occurred in 1.10, when she was locked into the freezer & stabbed at.    this event is later referenced in her carnival speech in 2.08 :    

         “  i almost died.    & you know what i saw ?    nothing. no white light.    just big,    black,    empty nothing.  ”

    in a world where near death experiences are so often exalted      &      then used as fuel for intense cultural involvement          (     books ,      movies ,       constant news interviews     ––––––      think of colton burpo’s experience      &     how it was made into something for everyone to know every detail about    –––––     brooke not only felt for some time as though she had gotten the short end of the stick,     but also thought this even more of a reason to keep her own experience to herself.       she didn’t open up to anyone about how the freezer incident felt         (     in the heat of it or the aftermath     )       until intoxication blended with fury on the stage at lakewood’s carnival .    

    in the future,       brooke will not find spirituality as a stronghold in difficult times or when memories trigger pain.    the concept makes her feel too vulnerable,         &        the slope has proven itself to be far too slippery to place any trust in.