#and not cause I've actually worked out My Issues™️

[salty-eggg]

Reaaaally not enjoying these pits of body dysmorphia I find myself falling into often lmaoo one minute I'm like "I'm above beauty standards. It doesn't bother me at all, my body is ever-changing and it's stupid to subscribe these arbitrary expectations" to "hnnnng my face is too round literally everything else would be Fine if my face was slimmer, I need to work out Immediately and eat less cause if I don't I will Explode oh my god I'm so ugly"

Like just fucking relax and let me enjoy these photos I took w my bf😭

[sysmedsaresexist]

hey does acknowledging the existence of parts make symptoms worse? like if they have a different name or other stuff about them thats different from you as a part, or using we/us, or generally just talking about them as a different part. i see ppl on reddit complain abt 'fakers' and them talking abt parts as if different from themself being against treatment guidelines but whenever i talk about my parts this way w drs/nurses/etc no one gives a shit. how else am i supposed to talk about it

Posting all three asks together.

To the very first question, does acknowledging parts make symptoms worse, yes and no. I have to talk about both, because it depends.

Typically, when people first find out they're a system or start questioning having a CDD, symptoms DO get worse.

A lot of antis and reddit are going on old research (old research doesn't support them, bear with me). Before the age of the internet, most people had someone ELSE point out that they were a system before they saw it in themselves.

This has to do with how mental health was treated a couple decades ago (having problems was Bad™️, deny and hide symptoms, it's still true but it was much worse), and access to resources about symptoms being much, much harder to come by. Amnesia was harder to notice. These days, every time you log in, you can see what your alters were doing while you were gone. There's no denying or hiding it.

That said, take myself, for example. I'm in my mid 30s, and I've been in therapy since I was 4.

Around age 20, after a very serious event, my therapist and I started to discuss alters. Before this point, I had rarely heard them, as far I knew, they didn't have names or personalities. Many of my alters DIDN'T have names. They were little more than emotionally reactive concepts of bad coping methods-- "the angry one," "self harming one."

It wasn't until I worked with my therapist to gain some kind of communication that my system kind of... activated. Suddenly, all my symptoms seemed 100 times worse, I was noticing things more and more, the increased communication was terrifying, we fought and rejected each other. We became more real, gained traits, names, voices.

Typically, this kind of upset settles after a while, but it's normal for it to get worse.

This type of progression of symptoms is well documented, but it's no longer the norm.

Now, is it specifically acknowledging the alters or parts that cause issues?

Fuck no, and Treatment Guidelines don't say that acknowledging them as separate is a bad thing.

The treatment guidelines are very clear that you use the language and words that the client uses.

What the treatment guidelines advise against is encouraging the rejection or disownment of parts. An example is someone who's religious, and believes that their system is related to possession. The therapist is to refer to the alters in the same way the client does-- by name and "we/us", etc, without encouraging the idea that they're actually possessed by a demon.

This is more about system accountability than anything else. The point is to get the system to realize that they are all in this together, and that the actions of one have consequences for all, including the demon in question. There is no hell to return to, when the body goes to jail, so do you.

This is integration.

Learning to get along, compromise on needs and wants, working together, leaning on each other, learning about each other, until together you're an unstoppable power ranger mecha with useful skills spread throughout the system. Everyone has a part to play in success.

You can't do that if you don't acknowledge them and their differences.

Fuck reddit.

[shinesurge]

Magically, I haven't really had to mute that "tumblr isn't dead Actually" post yet because most of the shitty responses are just people who are frustrated about not getting more engagement. WHICH I can understand for sure seeing as I've been making a comic for a decade that has 196 followers on tumblr lolol. I've been doing okay lately but I'm DEEPLY mentally ill and it's absolutely exacerbated by my career, y'all who have been around a while know i am DEFINITELY not salt-deficient in my own time.

mostly i just feel bad because like. man what would you like me to do, i made my point and none of their blogs disprove it. i know i'm REALLY not an example of Success™️ or whatever (my comic is on a six month timer literally right now, i'm working with dogfood over here lmfao) but if you're ONLY feigning enthusiasm with the EXPECTATION that you'll get Something in return that's not going to work either. tumblr, but also most nerdy social medias, is best for people who are obsessive about stuff. i said fandom in the original post but there are thriving craft communities here! there are weightlifters! it doesn't MATTER what the thing is, you just have to genuinely be into it to an embarrassing degree, and want to hang out with other people doing the same. that's how communities work.

this issue plays out /constantly/ in the webcomic community, SO many people show up to get popular or whatever with no intention of reading anyone else's stuff, or reading other comics is A Chore rather than a cause for excitement. Almost all of those projects die early because the creator gets burnt out, because webcomics are fuckin hard and thankless and the ONLY reason you keep at it is because you love it yourself and can't help but make the thing. and then you stick around long enough to find the other freaks who are also too stupid to quit, and now you have friends lol

I really feel for the folks who are so frustrated, i have one foot there pretty much all the time. but you can't fake this stuff, and unfortunately i do not know how to explain this concept to folks who don't even realize where the problem is

[mazzystar24]

I've been thinkin bout that bt scene. Obviously I might be totally wrong but idk, I feel like T kinda muttered "god I hope so" into his wine glass & not directly at Buck & he was being maybe kinda insecure, like in his head maybe since we assume he's older & more experienced he might think that's why Buck is sticking around?

Like idk, it's a call back somehow to the first date and the closet comment? Like T wants this to work out because he thinks Buck is adorable but you know they aren't really clicking so ya know whatever works? (But eventually it will fully break down)

And the way Buck said "but you think I do?" about the daddy issues is like Buck goin "....wait what?" in his head because his head does tilt a bit to the side like 🤔🤔🤔 And it's showing that they don't fit.

That it was intentionally weird & off putting.

Tho I do think the bit where T says "but your father is alive" wasn't meant to be snarky. Buck then says "Exactly" which I took as Buck being all "exactly, my dad's just THAT shitty and he's not going to change."

Off course then the speech Buck gave Chris is a bit eh, but like two things can be true at the same time. XD

Also I'm def not a bt shipper, Buddie all the way but yeah that's just how it came off to me. Lol.

I hope this makes sense.

I have been swamped with exams and neglected my inbox so 💐💐💐💐💐

Eh I feel like it was definitely more flirty than insecure like I’m tempted to add the gifsets for reference but I don’t want it to show up in the gif makers’ notifications but yeah like as he’s saying it it’s 100% like suggestive vibes rather than self deprecating making a joke about an actual insecurity vibe

Like I think for me this is definitely a horses not zebras moment

I do keep think that maybe the like off putting moments are intentional because so many weird choices have been made with BT

For the your dad is alive I think I wasn’t super clear on my opinion on it but like I don’t mean he said it to be snarky per say more so that the implications behind that line are things like “you’d feel differently if he wasn’t” or “you can fix things before he does” or as if that’s something to be thankful for or recognise when talking about his pseudo father nearly dying

Like the reason I hate this line isn’t that it necessarily has to be cruel intentions on Tommys part but rather that this sorta narrative gets forced down traumatised peoples throats CONSTANTLY (sometimes with good intentions) and it’s such a bullshit rhetoric and it’s even more bullshit to use that line while talking about this found family/pseudo father he has nearly dying

Also yeah that’s definitely what that “exactly” was meant to be like yup a dead dad would at least be less traumatising, a lot easier to explain, and probably easier on my therapist than this clusterfuck but alas

BUCKS SPEECH TO CHRIS- okay lots of thoughts on this because my mom got confused and picked thought daughter:

Do I love that the writers low-key made it sound like he’s comparing Eddie to the Buckley parents? no I hate it but KR was writing for this ep so what did we expect

Do I think a marginally better way to interpret it is that it was more so continuing that theme of paralleling buck and Chris’ issues? Yes

Are the basic and I mean like the very abstract very simple and nothing further parallels there? Yeah like parent not over their grief causes conflict between parent and child

Other than that no not at all Eddie never involved Chris in this, Kim came over with her Shannon cosplay without telling him, Eddie also never intentionally emotionally harmed Chris while the Buckley parents spent bucks entire life intentionally being the absolute worst™️ and emotionally neglectful and were shit parents to Maddie too by forcing her to pretend her brother didn’t exist while she was a child and mourning said brother

But I also think it’s actually very in character for buck to continue to sympathise with them and cut them an impossible amount of slack by trying to draw parallels to this situation like it’s less trying to paint Eddie more like them and more so using Eddie (someone he cares about and loves and sympathises with deeply) as a frame of reference to mentally try to humanise and sympathise with his own parents - idk if I’m making sense but in my head it makes sense

Like it’s actually a pretty common thing you see with traumatised people they’ll sorta draw parallels that aren’t there between themselves or the people they care about and the people who traumatised them because a lot of traumatised people will just constantly seek to understand that perspective more and sympathise with it like hell I’ve seen it with the people in my life doing it and it’s like woah those situations are very different I need you to recognise that

Loved hearing your view of it and it totally made sense!!!

Gonna see if there are any quick asks I can answer before I get back to my revision cos I definitely yapped more than I expected for this

[incorrect-lightlark-facts]

really involved oro/grim situation you say 👀👀 is there any way i can convince you to infodump a little about said situation? im SO GLAD to have found someone else who thinks oro and grim should kiss and i would LOVE to hear some of your thoughts about them

So just as a heads-up, their relationship as I've written it isn't healthy and I won't try to pass it off as such! Between the political tension, the curses, and each of their personal issues, the interpersonal terrain is rocky enough that the odds were always stacked pretty high against them having a chill, healthy romance. Also it's very, very incomplete, so there are a lot of gaps and things I might tweak so that I'm not completely ignoring canon.

The timeline in the book is a bit muddled, but this is a general idea of what I'm working with. Grim and Oro were presumably either adults or older teenagers during the war between Nightshade and Lightlark. In my personal version of events, Grim's father brought Grim and a host of Nightshade soldiers to Lightlark to demand sovereignty over the island, and there Grim and Oro met. They made eye contact over the negotiations table while their guardians were arguing, Grim gave an exaggerated eye-roll that made Oro kind of want to punch him in the nose, and that was their meet-cute. Despite making no progress with diplomacy, Grim's father declared that he would give King Egan a few days to change his mind (in reality, he wanted time to complete his war preparations), which meant that the boys had those few days to run into each other.

Grim had never met any of the other heirs, so he couldn't leave Oro alone. After meeting in the training yard and sizing each other up a bit, they were both a bit... underwhelmed? Grim found Oro dull and neurotic, and Oro found Grim immature and pretentious. In spite of the altogether negative first impressions, they spent a little time sparring and talking about how different their lives were, and no one got hurt. They were both lonely and stressed out of their minds and found much-needed, albeit delicate solidarity in each other.

Of course, the war happened, and it's hard to find the same tentative tolerance for someone who is leading troops against you. Grim was rather detached from the Nightshade cause, just trying to please his father and prove himself as a warrior. Oro feared and resented the way he could slaughter dozens of Lightlark's warriors without even having an emotional force driving him to fight; it dehumanized him in Oro's eyes just as it did in everyone else's.

The situation™️ really started while Grim was living in Lightlark's main castle (I call it Keystone lmao) after Nightshade surrendered. Twenty years is a solid chunk of time to be stuck with anyone, and for the first part of it, Grim was only allowed to go unescorted if he stayed within the castle walls. Harassing Oro was basically his only hobby. There was a huge disconnect between the two of them, though, because Grim was trying to fall back on their old rapport, while Oro had grown to hate him. Grim backed off a little, but whenever Oro would snap and bring up Grim's apathy toward the people he killed, Grim would remind him that people who kill in a fit of passion often commit much worse atrocities. He used similar tactics frequently—"logical" statements that actually dug into Oro's fear of unanticipated consequences. His goal was not to control or coerce Oro, but he wanted attention and was not thinking about how Oro might actually feel. He was lonely and refusing to process his own trauma from the war, and he was really only thinking about himself.

Meanwhile, Oro accidentally found a source of reassurance in Grim, which is great when your primary compulsion is reassurance seeking. Whenever Grim struck a nerve, Oro would use the ensuing argument as a means of self soothing. This meant that they argued often, but to an outside observer, those arguments appeared to become less aggressive and more desperate. Essentially, the two of them formed this messy codependent bond where in the fallout of a devastating war when no one else had time to meet their emotional needs, they drove each other nuts but felt safer together than anywhere else.

So it's a good thing they were both functionally immortal at this point, because this wasn't a fantastic basis to work with. They both had some serious personal growth and recovery to go through, but oops curses, and oops both of their guardians were suddenly dead, and oops they were rulers of realm. On the morning after the old rulers sacrificed themselves for the prophecy, Grim climbed through Oro's window and delivered a panicked speech to the tune of "I want to go home but I don't know how to do this without you." They tried to work out a strategy for taking up their respective guardians' crowns AND deciphering the prophecy, but they made almost no progress and ended up just awkwardly curled up on opposite sides of Oro's bed pretending to sleep for several hours.

The ensuing several hundred years are where I have a loooot of empty space to fill in. I know that they tried to hide their weird dynamic from the other rulers, but even after Grim returned to the Nightshade newlands it was kind of obvious to everyone that something was up. Grim would frequently abuse his Nightshade portal privileges to sneak into the castle and hang around Oro like a weird emo cat. As long as neither of them talked about the war, Oro's brother, or the outside world's belief that Grim was responsible for the curses, they started to genuinely enjoy each other's company. There were a lot more instances of stealing naps in Oro's bed. Someone made the mistake of leaving them alone and they kissed at Azul's wedding. Both of them attempted to have normal relationships during this time, but boy are they not built for that.

Things soured in the century or so leading up to the events of Lightlark mostly because Grim was growing increasingly frustrated with the way Oro separated his personal life from political matters. Nightshade and Lightlark were still not on good terms. Even though there was no rational way Oro could have suddenly reconciled centuries of international hostility, Grim took it personally. The more he started to see how unsustainable Nightshade's isolation and fight against the ~Greater Evil~ (that's a whole other infodump) was, the more he started to believe that his father had a point, and he felt like Oro wasn't making an effort to set aside Egan's biases. Fun fact: Grim can't stop projecting on other people or he'll explode. On top of that, Grim of course noticed that he wasn't being invited to Centennials. Oro was extremely avoidant every time he demanded to know why, and Grim just grew more and more frustrated, and that hard-won feeling of trauma-forged security between them weakened drastically.

The plan for the events of Lightlark (or my equivalent lmao) is to play around with the way Isla finds herself wedged between these two clowns. I know that the climax involves Grim dying for Oro to set up the sequel, wherein the remaining rulers go on an uncomfortable bonding road trip to revive his dumb ass.

ANYWAY, this was a mess and I ended up using a lot of words to say very little, but I want things to get better between them so that they aren't just constructively-interfering waves of unaddressed issues and poor communication.

[charmixpower]

@renfricrey

That's v true in the case of Bloom, but like up to s3 from what I've seen the drama is always caused by the guys? Brandon&Sky lying about their names, Tecna being fed up that Timmy was acting like a coward, Nabu...being a fucking weirdo, (Flora and Helia being the exception bc Flora's problem was she was too shy); which I think might be worse?? Now that I'm looking back I can't remember a relationship fight that was caused by one of the girls? (Tho my memory is notoriously shitty) Unless you count Tecna struggling to understand that Timmy is not a coward (which was a weird ep bc Timmy's personality and the specialists opinions of him randomly pivoted for this plot line)

Interesting point!!

Musa's flaws in the relationship are DEFINITELY unintentional. If you look at the framing the camera and story uses around all Rivusa's fights (up to s3 bc I haven't gotten to s4 yet, but like it's a pattern that I'm fairly sure continues), it's made very clear that it's always Riven's fault. Which I am forever salty about

Musa's attraction to s1 Riven was so fucking out of no where and utterly unexplained that the only reasonable explanation I could come up with is "Musa has the most fucked up view of relationships bc she read too many shitty YA novels, and watched too many toxic as hell movies" but the fact that her mom also wasn't there to like...stop her, and her dad reacting so violently, is such a good point... Girl never got the chance to develop an healthy idea of relationships and probably gravitated to the books to renforce this idea instead of created

YES YES YES YES YES YES

Riven starts therepy at the end of s1 bc Darcy trauma, and by s3 he still has shit he needs to work on but he's worked really hard on himself and has utterly shunted all of his shitty behaviors out of his normal modus operandi has been my hc since the beginning

Musa causing problems bc she doesn't know how to maintain a healthy relationship after Riven starts working on himself is like, everything to me

Especially Riven being able to point this stuff out and help her bc he's been there???? *Chef's kiss*

I think an interesting problem for them to tackle would be that Musa wanted to date Riven when she knew absolutely nothing about him, and she still barely knows anything about him—while Riven fell in love with Musa and her hobbies and is at least slightly knowledgeable about what's going on in her life

It would be a fun moment for them to realize this, and then have Riven realize that he was so fucking preoccupied with his issues his whole life he never really developed hobbies and interests?? So they hang out and do shit together and it's super cute while Riven finds himself and Musa learns more about him

Also it would be really funny if Musa was hit with a "I love him" "you dont know him" from one of her friends (Aisha? Tecna.) Got pissed, then went "OH SHIT YOU RIGHT"

Riven pointing this out to her would make it into a real "relationship issue™️" but I think that is really funny so-

Another interesting problem for their relationship (thats more of a problem than a reason to think about Rivusa fluff in my free time) is Musa actively getting upset when Riven gets rid of his shitty behaviors bc that's what she thought was a good thing, and Riven deadass going "Hey if your going to fuck up my recovery we're going have to break up, bc I refuse to be dragged back into that mindset" and Musa panics bc OOPS SOMEONE HAS A LOT OF TOXIC IDEAS TO UNLEARN

And then Riven convinces Musa to go to therepy or something—or they just talk about like what he's learned about healthy relationships from his therapist and they set some boundaries like a good couple :))))

Actually these could lead into eachother

What would be really funny, is that after all this work Rivusa is the one of the most stable couples bc they've spend all this time doing the work to make sure that their relationship isn't built on a rocky foundation but like a fuck ton of honest conversations, mutual respect, and boundaries

The image of Rivusa watching others relationship drama and just going "talk to eachother" "also: try therepy for all the unresolved issues you have going on" "that too" is too funny to me

(I think about these two wayyyy too fucking much lord have mercy)

I have not gotten to s4 yet, so I do not know who this Jason is, but I'll take your word for it

Local happy couple kick the ass of someone trying to hurt Musa? Love it

Oh and Riven with the Darcy trauma fucking INSTANTLY noticing all the manipulation techniques and everything going on—plus him helping Musa get back on stable ground afterwards bc he's been there so he knows exactly how to help??? Yes yes, their amazing your honor

[unlikelyjedi]

I've noticed fanfiction writers for Hawks often have varying ideas about how bird-like Keigo is, and some of these things I really like, and some of them I really do not.

So, because I am the self-imposed keeper of Bad Takes™️, I'm gonna rank Hawk's bird-trait headcanons into 3 categories:

Traits I like, Traits I'm Neutral About, and Traits I Dislike.

Why? Because I want to.

Keep in mind, these are only going over Hawks in the canon My Hero Academia universe and not any AUs writers create.

Harpy!Hawks can be as animalistic as you want. Go ham. CyberPunk!Hawks can be as crazy as you want. I tend to have more leeway in AUs in general. Hawks can be a dragon hybrid who simply looks like a bird in dragon-form and I'll still read and get enjoyment out of it.

Also, like, I'm just some person on the internet. My opinion means fuck-all. Don't take this too seriously.

Traits I like:

Hawks is hypnotized by shiny things

Hawks chirps, trills, coos, squawks, and just in general makes bird noises.

Hawks has bird-like pupils and can see further than the average person

bonus if the characters consider his stare unnerving

Torpor is a thing he has to deal with and must be careful in the winters so he doesn't end up forcefully hibernating in the Fukuoka streets

Hawks molts

Hawks is prideful and thrives on others' praise

Hawks preens his feathers

Hawks likes when those close to him preen his feathers

Bonus if it's considered an act of non-sexual intimacy

Hawks has a fast metabolism and needs to eat more than average

Hawks has hollow bones

Hawks' wings telegraph how he's feeling if you know how to interpret bird body language.

Hawks Stress-Grips things

Traits I'm Neutral About:

Hawks has talons

Hawks has bird feet

Hawks has a yearly mating cycle

Hawks has feathers that grow in other places other than his back

Places like at the crown of his hair, near his temple, trailing downwards his spine, on his arms or on the back of his hands

Hawks is carnivorous and/or needs a lot more meat in his diet than the average person

Hawks has fangs

Do actual hawks have fangs??? I don't know why people give canon!Hawks fangs except because fangs are sexy character-design

Hawks can lay eggs

depending on the story you're telling, this could be very funny

teeters on the edge of neutral and dislike for me

Traits I Dislike:

Hawks prefers and/or needs to eat strictly raw meat

I just get squicky about it, I guess

My personal headcanon about this is that he can eat raw meat if it's the only thing available. Otherwise, he prefers a good plate of fried chicken

Hawks is a cannibal

I don't mean the joking about him eating chicken. I mean, like, he eats people and/or wants to eat people

Again, makes me feel icky. I know that's the point, but... eh.

Hawks mates for life

I feel like this idea causes weird consent issues in stories and also just seems like a bad deal

Plus how would you even know?? Like, there'd be no way to test that out without fucking (heh) yourself over, right?

Even the things on this list I dislike won't turn me away from reading the story if it's good. It's just something I don't particularly enjoy seeing in a work.

And I understand the more animalistic stuff people make him out to be. I know, especially in stories with the league, it has the double intention of making the HPSC look extra evil and allows Hawks to realize him and the other mutant types "aren't so different." It's the idea made physical of who Hawks is vs. who Keigo is.

The more harsh traits just don't appeal to me as much. It's not bad writing. It's not annoying, and it's not a bad thing to write. It's just my opinion.

If you guys can think of any traits I missed, tell me and I'll add it to the list.

[mydaroga]

Following on from your other ask then. What’s your ‘ideal’ scenario for The Beatles, post-69? Is there a way for John and Paul to exist in each other’s spaces without being weird™️? And would that ‘ruin’ the vibes even if they could?

Oh man that's so hard. I think first of all, we need a scenario in which things didn't get the point of lawsuits and such, which requires some emotional maturity/communication improvement before all that goes down. So ok, let's say they manage to avoid that.

I think the 70s look really different from the 60s, for many reasons. And obviously this is just spitballing and I only know what I have pieced together in my new-fan-mania, but here goes.

As much as I adore the absurd co-dependency of the middle Beatles period, as much as I am fascinated by the intensity of their relationship, there's just no way for that to continue, for reasons of mental health, emotional stability, changing priorities as they desire a different type of family, and just the way people tend to change as they get older. You simply cannot maintain the emotional intensity of that teen/early 20s period your whole life and you can't put all of your eggs in this weird, transient band/"work" formation if you also want to develop as an individual and/or have a wife and kids. And as I previously mentioned or at least implied, I do think the intensity of that identity formation by necessity leads to a breakdown so I guess you can't rely on that even if you don't want those other things. I do think there was a way for John and Paul to work together. I think there are hints of it from how both talk about the other at various points--when they're not giving into their emotional reactionary whims in public, they both mention hanging out, even potentially writing together. Maybe that is also a whim of the moment, but they're at least potentially open to it? So IF they navigate the mess of '69 better, i.e. they don't have quite so much emotional wreckage under the surface making it difficult to reach out and leading to legal action etc, what does that look like? I think it looks like boundaries set and followed and again, communication. My belief is that they were so twinned at a certain time that neither fully realized when that had ceased to function, or really understood to what degree that had or had not "shared a brain" and therefore had no real idea when they were no longer actually speaking to one another but past one another. So this fantasy posits them acquiring some skills and a willingness to say, "this is what I want and don't want, this is where you get a say and I do, this is my time and this is yours. This is my family/wife time, and this is my me/you time." It requires them being able to better clarify what they are to one another so that there aren't misunderstandings about where they stand (as opposed to, say, the other's spouse).

I think the major problem with all of this is that while I think it might have been possible with more time, had John lived, given the intensity of their experience together and the commensurate hurt that cause when it broke down, this type of communication and boundary setting (and following) just aren't very likely. That's a LOT of emotional maturity to ask of anyone under those circumstances, let alone 30 year olds who really have had no life training. I think the film Two of Us posits something more or less accurate when it comes to them getting close to some kind of understanding but their various issues shutting doors almost once they're opened, because to keep them open requires conscious work and awareness of what's going on. Okay I've probably rambled way too much and I haven't even touched the potential other set of related vibes; I don't know if they'd ever not be weird™ but they might have achieved a balance IF they'd been able to talk out their issues and set reasonable boundaries. In that scenario, I think they could have written and played together, but it would have been a different partnership. Possibly a very satisfying one, personally and artistically. But there's always a chance, you know, they'd outgrown one another and the lingering weirdness was the emotional fallout never resolved.

[thedamageofherdays]

Hey pal, I was wondering what you think about people "begging" for kudos and reblogs and comments and whatnot? Cos sometimes it feels like a guilt trip yanno? Idk you seem pretty smart about these things so yeah wanted to know if you have Thoughts™️ And no need to publish if you feel it's gonna cause issues either. Just genuinely curious to know what you have to say 😘😘

Hi anon! Thanks for asking ❤

This is certainly a complicated topic and, potentially, controversial. So before I get into my thoughts I want to add that nothing I am about to say is aimed at anyone in particular. These are just some general observations and thoughts that I've had during my time in fandom. I am adding a read more cause my reply got a bit lengthy oops.

The first thing is that as someone who creates content I get wanting people to like and appreciate the things you put out into the world. Even as someone for primarily creates for themselves, getting that appreciation feels nice and validating. There are issues with constantly wanting to chase that rush but I will get into that later. Initially I just wanna make clear I get wanting to feel appreciated. A lot of creators put a lot of hard work into the things they make and often don't get much of a response. Which can be demotivating. Especially when sometimes reposts of artists works and plagiarism gets a much larger response than the creator themselves got. And honestly? Fandom can be a bit if a popularity contest sometimes. And some people only appear to value people who are popular which is incredibly disheartening.

But at the same time, as much as I understand wanting more appreciation, the way it gets phrased sometimes and the way people handle these things is in fact guilt-trippy. And I'm not a fan of that at all. No one is actually obligated to like your works or leave kudos or reblogs or leave comments. You don't know why a random stranger on the internet does or doesn't respond to your creation. They could have a million reasons why. And ultimately the reason doesn't even matter. They didn't reblog or they didn't leave a comment. Maybe they just liked or left kudos. Maybe they did neither. We can’t make them. We can explain the benefits of more people reblogging or leaving comments. We can talk about how it motivates creators to make more. But we can't make every single individual interact with everything they come across. And I strongly believe that making people feel guilty or like they are lesser because they didn't reblog will actually prevent them from interacting more because that's a lot of pressure.

Another thing regarding this I have noticed is that a lot of people who complain about the lack of interaction they get don't actually bother interacting with other people's creations. Which to me feels a bit hypocritical. You can't expect people to devote energy to you if you don't devote energy to anyone else. And this doesn't mean you, the creator, have to like every single person's works either, no one can like every single thing. But if you don't support anybody while expecting to get that support it makes me very suspicious and actually less likely to share your works.

The next thought I have is complicated. Because sharing your creations is incredibly vulnerable. And I understand that even people who get a lot of reblogs and likes and kudos and comments will still feel vulnerable and they can still get insecure. But it does, sometimes, feel a little off when people who appear to get a lot of appreciation for their work say it's not enough when I know there are plenty of people who get way less interaction. Now, I don't mean for this to be accusing and I truly do understand feeling insecure over your works and feeling like people don't like your works because you got less kudos than your previous work or someone else did or someone left a comment that made you doubt yourself. And those feelings are real and valid and I think people should be allowed to talk about the hard parts of creating and I think that goes for every creator, no matter how popular they are. But sometimes I do catch myself feeling uncomfortable about it.

I think this ties into the thing I mentioned earlier about chasing that rush. When a fanwork does well and everyone seems to like it, you get this rush of excitement. At least I do! And it's fun and wonderful and then you post the next work and for whatever reason it doesn't do as well and that's rough, really rough. You just want to get that nice feeling again. And you might never get it. Because a fanwork doing well isn't about quality. Some of the most talented people I know hardly get any appreciation. Equally there are some incredibly popular fanworks I just do not vibe with. There are so many factors that play into it. How late did you post? How many other people posted something that day? Is your fanwork niche or does it contain a popular trope? Did a popular blog reblog your work? Was it part of an event that brought more attention to it? And many other factors. I know people sometimes talk about needing to market your fanworks and while I acknowledge that it can be helpful to get more people to see your work if you do everything "right" it's still not a guarantee and I genuinely hate the concept anyway because fandom is my hobby and not a job and I don't wanna market my hobby because it makes me miserable.

So yeah this is a very ramble-y response (is anyone surprised?) to say that I think sometimes people do get guilt-trippy and while I get wanting more appreciation for your creations (trust me I've been there) sometimes people don't consider what the best way of getting appreciation is. And as cheesy as it is? Creating for yourself is the best thing. I am happiest when I make the things that make me happy and excited, no matter how niche they are. I think creating for other people's appreciation makes creating stressful and puts a lot of burdens on a creator that actually make it stressful and difficult to create.

Also a last final thought I have... I feel like all of this ties into something else I noticed and that's people taking people who rec a lot of things for granted. (I know the same happens to creators but that's a different issue). Sometimes it feels like reccers aren't seen as nice people who just really like fics but as a marketing tool for your fics and from experience I can say that being made to feel that way honestly sucks.

Anyway final disclaimer: I think my thoughts on this subject are very much in progress so I might not have phrased everything perfectly and I might change my mind on things.

Final final disclaimer: please no one yell at me and please don't take any of this as a personal attack. It isn't meant to be.

Thanks again for asking anon!

[yomiurinikei]

Do you have any takes on Utsuro? Can be headcanons or general thoughts... I like hearing what people have to say about him.

here!! a mix of both. check out my utsuro tag bc - i have some posts u may like feat. possible utsuro development in a post abt kinjomae + a post with what i think his childhood was like!!! also a reminder that these are all just my takes and 90% of the time i've discussed them before and i'm not including all i've said on this subject in this post, also i have pretty solid reasons as to why u shouldn't repost/vague me based off this post in one of my extra pages :D

so for some more thoughts on him, feat. no i am not self projecting!

1) utsuro 🤝 hibiki

both are shown in two extremely different states of mind with different personalities and amnesia between the two identities, feat. one being unaware of the others existence, and a change in identity can be caused when one identity is reminded of a traumatic memory,,,

i'm not saying utsuro with did but utsuro with did rights

2) yea the did thing is probably bc all i do is go "actually this character has did but still - utsuro probably has some sort of dissociative disorder/condition

at the very least, he has some sort of issue with chronic dissociation, if we stick with all canon explanations, possibly depersonalization/derealization disorder? this would explain how generally detached and unresponsive he is.

akane: hey utsuro i know we're both in a really bad place emotionally/mentally but i really need some form of help/comfort rn if u can

utsuro, literally Not Here™️: .........huh...

akane: wow thanks <3

3) or utsuro to really like. get redeemed, beyond general redemption needs/in order to get to a place mentally where he can make those steps for redemption, he's really gonna need therapy, and i feel like if he had gotten that help, he actually really could've grown

utsuro was just another traumatized, suicidal teen who somehow got manipulated into working for junko. it doesn't excuse what he's done, but it does mean he has more of a shot at redemption. he mistreated akane, yes, but isn't that a result of his general emotional detachment? and since his emotional detachment was a result of trauma, it's really just that utsuro was too traumatized to help her emotionally.

akane was searching for support in a person who helped her, but he wasn't able to provide it. it's neither of their faults, and akane was clearly damaged by that + utsuro likely was too. i don't wanna go full on analysis here, but if anyone sends in another ask, i,, kinda want to. anyways - utsuro shouldn't be held at fault for not offering emotional support he never said he could provide. he should be held accountable for his actions, and encouraged to grow and change. what he needs in order to do that is therapy, and a support system that isn't there for him bc of his luck, but because they care about him.

anyways! i have more thoughts but i'm just gonna go do some headcanons now!

~*~

•really likes dogs. he doesn't mind any animal, but especially likes dogs. would do really well with a service one - theyre vv grounding to him

•"are you there god? it's me, god" -utsuro, the one time he tries turning to religion to cope

•has probably accidentally inspired a cult

•he's got very obscure book knowledge??

•used to just. sit in libraries and read everything he could bc his luck wouldn't just magically make him predict the ending if he didn't want it to, so he'd just keep showing up at the same library until he'd read every book they had

•also. a lot of libraries are probably vv nice for a homeless kid, even if utsuro does have a divine luck, it's just a place that's available to him even without his luck, so he could pretend to b normal

•the result tho: he read all the classics that are carried in most libraries very early on.

•!! utsuro also likes choose ur own adventure games for a similar reason

•in the real world, he'll automatically get whatever goal they're working towards, the person he's crushing on will like him back, etc

•but in games? his luck can't change the code, he actually has to work and be sure he makes the right decision for everyone, which is nice

•he does Not understand how all of these people he accidentally helps keep finishing him

•like he finds forums that's just tons of people talking abt miracles happening to them and seeing utsuro and he's just "???"

•he hears abt someone saying he saved them from a burning orphanage and he's vv confused because "oh... i.... might remember that??? like being in some building,,, i think i was meant to stay the night there and it caught on fire maybe?????? but 90% of it collapsed, only the area i was in didnt crumble, i think i would've noticed someone else there"

•also. who just decided to talk abt seeing a ten year old kid when some terrible misfortune was narrowly avoided and how did it turn into a thing. like who was reading that story and went "oh i went through something just like that!!"

•he is very confused and doesn't remember 60% of what's being brought up here, and the other 35% he only vaguely thinks might've happened

•utsuro exits the forum page, goes off along his day, and then just forgets all about it.