#and not just your boss but your god (while your soul is fused with a nun’s to boot)

[wildgrownlavender]

my manager was eating peanuts in a meeting today and i felt like i fundamentally understood Mercymorn the First

[welcome-to-octo-space]

oh my golly gee please tell me about your yokai watch aus

Okay so i have a lot(and i mean a lot and by that i mean just god dawm i have to many) but ill just talk about the ones im currently working on

Yo-Kai Watch V5.C(version 5.Crystal)

So basically in this AU (and i have a future version that will also be talked about) inaho basically is the antagonist and shadow side never happens since this splits of from the cannon game timeline after ykw3 but to sum stuff up for the whole start.

Its 3 months after inaho lost her watch and while in an alleyway after helping a yo-kai with a problem she finds the kuro/black watch from that evil alternate reality so she does what any good chaotic dumbass does that slowly over the course of 5 weeks turns her slowly more "evil", psychotic, insane, and generally coo-coo in the head (alao during 1 month before inaho found the watch buck moved to springdale with his sister btw) which everyone in the school takes an obvious notice of. Eventually the black watch gives inaho the option to willingly help him take over the world which she accepts so she gets cool powers and a awesome beeg anime scythe and after a chapter or 2 (in a what if game sense) recruits the white yo-kai(idk if they have anyother name but the yo-kai MCkraken had on his side in ykw1), the wicked yo-kai including kin and jin, and some of ghoul fathers lackeys. Now fast-forward to the last chapter of the what if game and inaho is mega cool final boss with a cool final form reminiscent of a evil sailor moon and so after a fight she's defeated but not killed but since the kuro watch doesn't wana get off inaho and wants to basically be a parasite, so ya know what USApyon does?

HE FUCKING GRABS THE GOD DAM ENMA SWORD FROM NATE AND SHOOTS INAHO IN THE HEAD AND STABS HER IN ZE CHEST WITH ZE SWORD AS SHE THEN FALLS DOWN A FUCKING CLIFF OR SOMETHING.

So due to some TouHou anime Plot amor crackshit Bullshit logic she survived all that and is basically undead so she ends up going to timers and more and gets up and gets herself bandaged up and so as she's bandaging up her chest wound Mr. Goodsight is taking her old watch that he ended up finding and the kuro and watch and basically fusing the two into what inaho decided to call the "Yo-Kai Watch Crystal Model V" (the v stands for villan ehe) and ya wana know what she does after she's bandage up she sends a picture to the groupchat of her nate and buck and send them a picture of her giving them the middle finher eith the caption "✨i lived bitches✨🖕" so now fast forward a few days and yopple is mass producing Yo-Kai watch Models Crystals thanks to inaho letting them look at ger watch so now buck and nate get the first two models and now have cool new soul weapons

Nate gets a genshin style claymore and buck has a bow and arrow. And then ya got like post-game adventures and shit NOW

V5C FUTURE

Basically just fast forward to their high-school years with Nate Jessica Inaho Buck and Katie all going to a high-school in Tokyo because cool beans and while i dont have much of a set plot for V5C future i have a cool what if game concept, Mythos skills Basically just last resorts so if you wana read about it heres the Google doc i made on it(its not complete by any means but i think theres enough info in it)

The Precious Otaku☆and the reserved DJ

This is basically just a ykw x D4DJ groovy mix au im working on writing a fanfic for so not much that i wana spoil about it but basically Saori who in this au is inaho cousin goes to Springdale for a monthly vacation and Merm4id follows and Inaho can DJ all im gona say.

Yosona 5

As the name suggests Yo-Kai watch x persona 5 so basically nate and Akiren/Joker are brothers inaho and nate become phantom theives (Nates codename is Ace and Inahos is Red)

And they help go on multiple silly ventures in the metaverse and stuff but how did they find out about the metaverse in the first place well my dear friendo

Our two soon to be theives were just going into the springdale train station to go check out tokyo since its not that long of a train ride from springdale and when they get out from the train and enter the shibuya subway nate earlier that day saw the metamav app on his phone and ended up having it open while they were going to walk out of the subway as inaho says and i quote "hay have you ever wanted to try and thing with Soda and Mementos gum i think its called" which and probably the dumbest way to accidentally end up in mementos so they end up meeting the phantom theives their and get help getting out of mementos and the rest is history aka plot i haven't come up with yet.

Your average everyday talking claymore.

Literally just nate becomes clay more become him inaho and buck decided to be dum dums snd go explore a dungeon.

So nate gets killed by this Phoenix Weapon Smith boss yokai who as a way if saying sorry in a way turns his soul into a claymore and i have to figure out more lore for it but yeh.

So anywho thats all the aus im working on rn

[asheternal]

1, 2, 13, 14 for the oc asks?

1. Your first OC ever?

GOD so i don't have her original design from 2005 but i do have her semi-current art

toa is a resurrected soldier who fell protecting her village, bound to her armor. her head was lost, so the god of earth used an animal skull in place of it

kids and adults alike leave flowers in her bushes to offer protection and thanks for keeping watch

(old art)

2. Do you have a personal favourite among your OCs?

lucifer and vanta both have special places in my heart

(old art)

13. Do you have any troublemaker OCs?

too many to count, but one in particular is gaia, the sage of the everglades

they kind of just revive things to fuck around and change their forests for kicks, much to the annoyance of most people (especially Styx on the left, death themselves)

(old art, again)

14. Introduce an OC with a tragic backstory

THIS IS GONNA BE A LONG ONE

Excella's story starts off in a tragedy- she is half Farseer and half Paradisian, which is complicated considering Paradise is why the Farseer city of ID and their god, the Oracle no longer exists as they once did. As a result, Excella was brought to Paradise to work for the Blanc family, the "saint" family who oversees most of Paradise.

The Farseer are special, while resembling humans they are not technically, as they're tied deeply to Pulse as most people and things born from it are. Farseer can manifest emotional energy into weaponry, armor, stairs, etc, so long as they can control their emotions. Excella being half Farseer, can use this, but her creations are highly volatile, and it's actively shunned by Paradise's government. So instead she was taught how to be an assassin and a soldier on top of being a maid.

Most of Excella's personality is heavily muted, only really showing up when she's around Henrietta, the rebellious and anti-Paradise rockstar daughter of the leader of Paradise (and her now ex girlfriend) and with animals and plants. Any mistake she makes as a battle maid results in heavily punishment, many of which former maids and attendants ended up as "angels", mindless zombies infused with whatever energy powers Paradise.

Her story starts with her being betrayed and cast out after accidentally witnessing the true face of "God", a parasitic entity tied to Pandemonia, a kingdom where the void is originally from.

She get's killed in the process, in her final moments as she plummets to the lands beneath Paradise where the most vile of creatures are said to exist, she hopes at least her parents are safe, and that her soul passes on in peace... but it doesn't. She ends up in Undeath, a realm between life and death, where she meets with Styx, who makes a deal with her to save Pulse from her former boss. She can't die, but she has to brave Undeath and return to her body to get back on her feet, and Undeath has a major void problem.

She wakes up in a shack she doesn't recognize and to a girl screaming at her, horns twisting out from her head, and a strange motorcycle parked outside with no wheels and shaped like a dragon.

here's her most recent design (old art yet again 2 electric boogaloo)

tl;dr 2b from nier, homura akemi and adel from maplestory fused and now have religious trauma in a place she was previously told was the worst thing ever, but is actually just kind of fun

[sweetsmellosuccess]

The Best Films of 2020

The 15 Best Films of 2020

Normally, when I assess a full year of cinematic offerings, I consider both sides of that coin  —  the outstanding entities, and the least successful —  but the year of our lord two thousand and twenty provided more than enough misery for all of us, I do believe. Ergo, in my own small way to bring better vibes into the universe, for this year’s round-up, I’m staying solely on the positive tip, highlighting those films whose unfortunate release date during the Year of the Hex shouldn’t preclude them for being fully appreciated. Let’s take a year off from negativity and schadenfreude, shall we, and just stroll amongst the poppies and bright sunshine of some of the best releases of the year.  

15. The Invisible Man

“Leigh Whannell’s film is thoroughly modern in approach and sophistication, but the film it most reminded me of was made back in 1944. George Cukor’s Gaslight starred Charles Boyer as a loathsome husband who attempts to convince his already anxious wife (Ingrid Bergman) that she’s going insane by secretly rearranging things in their house and taking things from her so she thinks she’s always misplacing them. He preys on her emotional vulnerability in order to mask his own pathology and emotional detachment. The effect is absolutely enraging: Onscreen, he’s one of the more hateful villains ever committed to celluloid.”

Full Review

14. The Killing of Two Lovers

“From the opening sequence, with a distraught, estranged husband standing over the bed of his wife and her new boyfriend with malice in his heart, and a gun in hand, the film spirals out into incredibly well structured compositions, taking us inside and outside of David’s recurring psychosis, utilizing a bevy of techniques: The framing shrinks down around him, the sound gets muffled, as if underwater, save for the incredibly unnerving metallic sound of cables being stretched taut, and the sickening kathunk of a heavy car door slamming shut.”

Capsule Review

13. Another Round

“Typically, Vinterberg avoids simple conclusions  —  and God help us all if this film gets picked up by a U.S. studio and remade with, say, Vince Vaughn, Kevin James, Steve Buscemi, and Chris Rock  —  providing more or less equal examples of the delirious fun drinking with your friends can be (the film opens with a group of high schoolers gleefully doing “lake races” whereby teams compete to drink a case of beer while running around the nearby body of water; and closes with the same teen crew, and some of their teachers, whooping it up in celebrating their graduation); and the horrorshow it can become (one teacher ends up peeing the bed, and on his wife in the process, another wakes up bloodied and out of it in front of his neighbor’s house), leading to very real and horrible consequences.”

Capsule Review

12. Soul

“Co-director Pete Docter is the creative force behind many of Pixar's best titles, having a hand in the Toy Story franchise, WALL-E, Up, and also directing Inside Out, a brilliantly moving treatise on the subject of emotional upheaval. This film, which he co-wrote and made along with fellow co-director Kemp Powers, is his first film back at the helm since that high-water mark, and he has again dug into the fertile earth of our mortality and come back with a particularly vibrant crop.”

Full Review

11. The Burnt Orange Heresy

“Based on the novel by Charles Willeford, the film briskly moves through its paces, clouding the waters with the schemes of duplicitous men, who have sold out any love of art for their greater obsession of cash and prestige. A literary thriller in the vein of The Talented Mr. Ripley, it’s become a genre all too rare in the era of blockbuster bravado. This film will remind you what a mistake that is.”

Full Review

10. Lovers Rock

“In the course of the party, the fuses blow while the house DJ is spinning Janet Kay's "Silly Games," a fan favorite at the time. Undaunted, the guests continue dancing away, singing the lyrics a capella in delirious unison, as McQueen's camera swirls around the living room as if nothing happened. Such a heartfelt moment of unbridled togetherness, putting into distinct bas relief the sense of community we've been denied as a species in 2020, feels like a benediction, an epitaph for the year, and a salve for what we've all been so desperately missing.”

Capsule Review

9. Time

“Ostensibly, it’s about the strain of incarceration on even the most grounded of families (an experience naturally disproportionate for POCs); but, on a deeper level, it’s also about the manner of our use of the limited number of revolutions we get to enjoy situated on this earth. It is a profound knock-out.”

Full Review

8. New Order

“Meet the new boss, only in Michel Franco’s damning portrait of a society locked forever in cycles of oppression, revolution, and new oppression, it makes no difference who you are, what your belief system is, or whether or not you subscribe to a moral set of ethics.”

Capsule Review

7. Dick Johnson is Dead

“Utilizing stunt people and special effects, Johnson kills her father off a number of different gruesome ways, as a means of softening the blow of actually losing him as his mind slowly slips away. This eventually culminates in a final gambit, both acutely painful and deeply moving, in which our sense of things gets seriously upended. As Johnson put it during the post-screening Q&A, the film serves as a “doomed experiment trying to keep my father alive forever.” This film won’t make him immortal, alas, but it does make him indelible.”

Capsule Review

6. Martin Eden

“Marcello packs the film with offbeat bits and pieces of other films, including strips of what appear to be vintage home movies, sometimes in juxtaposition to what Martin is feeling  —  a group of kids swinging wildly from the bar of a fence, to a full galley ship taking in water and suddenly sinking like an iron ingot – which adds a more winsome, timeless element to the narrative. It’s clearly set in the past, but avoids being too dependent on that particular sense of place and time. Martin is a young man, at first, just coming into himself, and the actions he takes, what he goes through, the film seems to suggest, would be similar in any age.”

Full Review

5. Minari

“The film is certainly charming, but that’s not to diminish its straightforward approach to its characters’ plight. It doesn’t shy away from their difficulties, and as a result, it doesn’t cheat towards smarmy emotional closure.”

Capsule Review

4. Collective

“The breath of hope in the film, when the inept Minister of Health resigns, leading to the placing of a new, emboldened director who works quickly to clean the quagmire left by his predecessors, is just as quickly expelled after the next round of elections, in which the Social Democrat party  —  the very ones in charge of this catastrophe in the first place  —  gets re-elected with an even greater majority than what they had before. A perfect reflection of what happens when a government is allowed to exist without any meaningful oversight, other than from a bedraggled press and a disenchanted electorate.”

Full Review

3. First Cow

“Reichardt, a naturalist at heart, is not known much as a humorist, but there is a lightness to her screenplay -- co-written by Jonathan Raymond, her frequent collaborator, who wrote the original novel upon which its based -- that keeps it as sweetly airy as one of Cookie's fried confections. The two friends are so out of step with their surroundings -- the party of men Cookie initially travels with are little more than brutish thugs, and the fort upon which they end up is no better -- they almost had to find each other. They are reunited in the local bar of the fort only because literally every other patron runs out to egg on a brawl between two loutish combatants.”

Full Review

2. Never Rarely Sometimes Always

“Hittman’s eye for detail and emotional complexity  —  her characters can rarely articulate anything they’re experiencing  —  is incredibly acute, and she pulls tremendously understated performances out of her two leads.”

Capsule Review

1. Nomadland

“Perhaps no American director since Terrance Malick has made more of the collapsing light of dusk and twilight than Chloe Zhao. Much of her new film, which stars Frances McDormand as a transigent woman (“not homeless, houseless”), who traverses back and forth across the west in her beat up live-in van, doing seasonal work, takes place in that particular kind of vibrant half-darkness that shrouds the desert and its mountains with a magic kind of mystery.”

Capsule Review

Other Worthy Mentions: 7500; Assassins; Bacurau; Beanpole; Beginning; Black Bear; Bloody Nose Empty Pockets; Boys State; Come Play; Emma; Gunda; His House; Horse Girl; I Am Greta; Jacinta; La Llorona; Let Him Go; Limbo; Mangrove; Mayor; MLK/FBI; One Night in Miami…; Palm Springs; Possessor Uncut; Red, White & Blue; Relic; She Dies Tomorrow; Shirley; Shithouse; Shiva Baby; Some Kind of Heaven; Spring Blossom; Swallow; Tenet; The Dissident; The Invisible Man; The Nest; Sound of Metal; The Vast of Night; The Viewing Booth; The Way I See It; Vitalina Varella; Welcome to Chechnya

Inexplicably Underrated: 7500; Shithouse

Biggest Welcome Surprise(s): The Vast of Night; His House; She Dies Tomorrow

The Best Two Films I Saw This Year, Period: Satantango (1994); Harlan County, USA (1976)

[maladaptive-ninja-returns]

It’s The Avengers (03x01)

Loki x Reader Avengers The Office AU (Slowwwwww Burn)

Season 3 Episode 01: Noobs Everywhere

Season Premier

Warnings: it is teary floofy

Word Count: life happens. Sometimes it caresess you sometimes it smack you right in the cheek. Other times it brings you together with old friends other times it makes you cry for realising how much you missed writing this stupid and adorable fanfic after days and days of nothing productive. Life happens and Gods I wish it picks me up and throws me on another continent

MASTERLIST in bio, darlings. Tags are open (check bio)

An effective silence eroded through the Avengers Compound. The entrance, all glass with flowers on the centre table that you and Scott had arranged- to add some colour- stood eerily quiet. The hall fit for balls and Stark's famous parties only reverberated with the single beep when Friday made her 'rounds' in there. The library did smell of old books but the silence was not one that was comfortable. The lounge, where everything happened in the Avengers' daily life, was disturbingly still, your favourite mug with tea now ran cold, the kitchenette seemed to have been left in a hurry. The hallway to the Dorms didn't have anyone. Room after room seemed empty. Loki's door was half-open, showing everything in place, neatly arranged. Next was yours, unkempt, disordered, but with every bead of the essence of you. It was empty too. Except for a very scared and whining Zuko coming out of under a blanket while sniffing it, looking around, searching for something before walking out, sniffing his way across the lounge. He whined as he walked past the rooms towards Banner's lab, his cries increasing twofold on seeing a familiar face.

"Hey, little guy."

The camera shifted to show Natasha carefully tuck something inside a brown paper bag and pick up the little chocolate boy, stroking his fur to calm the agitated soul down as she went back to watching Bruce contain the Pandora's box with Scott's help while Clint scanned the lab, Sam and Bucky watched the lab's recording and Steve sat next to Tony on the floor in one corner.

"You okay?" The captain whispered at Tony, who sat with his head supported on his knuckles, his eyes shut, his breaths long and heavy.

When Steve didn't get an answer from him, he turned to Bruce. "Got anything?"

A hiss marked the shutting down of the containment chamber, allowing Bruce and Scott to remove their safety goggles. "I'm not able to get any readings on this thing. It's like it blew it's own fuse when these guys were sucked in."

The camera caught tension ripple through the exposed muscles on Tony's arm at Bruce's words. Maybe Steve noticed it too because he turned back towards Tony and kept his hand on his shoulder, trying to make him feel alright in his way.

Familiar footsteps approached from outside the lab, forcing the camera to turn and face the door, capturing Wanda and Vision's entrance in time; both of them breathless.

"I tried picking up their essence," Wanda announced breathless, her eyes searching the room till they landed on those hopeful brown eyes in the corner, her face crumbling into an apology, "I'm sorry. I couldn't find anything."

"Me neither," Vision added softly, visibly disappointed in himself. "Wherever they were sent, it's not in this galaxy."

A broken sigh left Tony's lungs, his eyes closing way too tightly. Everyone in the room could feel the restraint through the helplessness Tony was feeling right now. But no one knew how to help him. The only way was to find out how to bring her back. But the one person who knew how was also the one lost with her.

"Loki knew how to work that-that...thing," Bruce declared softly into the cold air.

"I'm sure we can work it too," Steve asserted, getting up to address everyone, "we don't have any other choice right now. And even if we do, leaving them stranded in space is not one of them. Come on, Tony."

He brought forward his hand for his friend to help him get up.

"No."

Silence.

"Tony," Steve pressed his name as a question.

"I can't. Let Bruce do it."

"Wh-"

"She's stranded somewhere because of me, Steve. I cannot risk putting her in any more danger."

"Tony, what are you talking about? We need you. Your daughter needs you."

"Friday, give Dr Banner all the assistance he needs."

"Tony wha-"

"She called me 'Dad'!"

His words seemed to vibrate throughout the building, silencing everything all at once.

"The first time she called me dad and I was opening a f****ng door to some unknown hell for her!"

Steve wanted to shake Tony to his senses but all he could do was rub his hands on his face.

"You're right, you sent her through a freaking portal."

Everyone turned to look at the audacity of Scott Lang to be speaking Tony's language right now. "But that was only because she tried to save your stubborn ass from being swallowed by it. So, stop being such a dick, get up and find your daughter and thank her for saving your life."

Natasha looked at the camera with a slight shake of her head, as confused as everyone else in the room.

Tony too had his brows furrowed for a second before he got up and turned to look at Scott- who had not budged from where he stood, behind the worktable.

"I'm only tolerating this crap from you because you are her favourite," Tony stated, "otherwise I would've punched the lights out of you by now."

Scott shrugged. "Mm...no, you wouldn't. Because you know I'm not lying. And you're just scared of hearing her call you 'dad' all of a sudden. Not to mention I already have my hand on my suit so that I can run away before you can think about stepping towards me."

Tony: *twists his lips in an unwanted thought* I hate that I like this guy.

Tony sighed. "I can't even imagine what she must be going through right now."

 On a Planet in some Galaxy far far Away...

"So, let me get this straight-"

The camera tried to bring back its focus, the big blurry spot reducing to a sharp image of you standing with your arms crossed- one hand out in the air, trying to make sense of something- confusion filling up till your forehead as you tried to close your eyes and gather your thoughts.

"-you guys, all three thousand and forty-eight of you, planned on invading earth?"

There was a questionable nod from the leader- who looked at the army for confirmation.

"And you were trying to do so because you heard my friend...this guy? Loki? Saying that? Well, declaring that?"

The leader- who had seemed very intimidating fifteen minutes ago- mumbled something under his breath. "Yeah, we thought so."

"Uh-huh, and that happened on a gaming server on which you all were playing a couple of weeks ago. Am I right?"

The leader nodded again.

"So..." You took your time, breathing in, trying to form a question that would deliver that very final blow, "you wanted to invade planet X-78 knowing full well that the game had a planet by the same name, never ever confirming it with this guy over here?"

The army, blank for a moment, now looked at each other in combined confusion.

It started as a snicker, which turned into a giggle that was followed by a cackle that could be heard for miles.

Through the shrill thunder of laughter fit, the camera panned out to focus on Loki standing just two steps away from the device, working on borrowed equipment from the wolf army. He couldn't help but roll his eyes and look straight into the camera when the volume of your laughter did not go down even a single digit.

"She's never going to let me forget this, is she?" Loki asked the camera, sighing with just a hint of fear before looking at the endless expanse of desert around him.

The cackle still continued behind him.

"Oh-oh my Gods," you tried to catch hold of your hurting stomach as you took the support of the nearest rock, "I never realised I was playing with such noobs!"

There was a murmur in the army at the word 'noob', like a little gossip gasp going around before the leader feared the rumour and made an effort to stand straight in front of you.

"Noob? Who are you calling a noob, WarriorZ94? Last I checked you were still learning to use the Goliath Weapons!" He thundered.

You tilted your head at him, still not leaving the support of that one hide sturdy rock by your side. "Last I checked you were trying to run away screaming from a glitter bomb?"

An 'oh snap' wave passed through the army, earning you various nods.

Soldier 1: Isn't she the same girl who kicked our boss' ass when we were in opposite teams?

Soldier 2: *nods* yup! She's the one!

Both soldiers: *raising their index finger and making it touch the other's while facing the camera*

*camera turns to capture your unpleasant emotions over your face while Loki stands next to you with his arms crossed, a little tired but nothing near to the emotional outbreak you're feeling*

You: *whisper* What the fu-

Loki: *inhales* that's their...fistbump

You: *raise your brows* *whisper* oh...*raises voice to normal* Ohh!!

Loki: *looking at you with judgy eyes* you and your rotten mind

"Fine!" The boss finally admitted. "So you mean to tell us there was no real invasion taking place?!!!"

You placed your fingers on your lips, trying to contain that unexplainable rage inside you, taking your time to breathe through the catastrophe before opening your mouth to answer him. "H-how were you planning on invading earth, if I may ask?"

Silence.

Complete, unexplainable, eerie silence.

"I...I uhh...I was counting on our leader, Master Loki to guide us there."

Loki: *still working on borrowed equipment to help him get Stark's cuffs off*

*In his background you cackled once again, this time trying to hold on to your stomach as you lay with your back on the ground*

*The camera periodically catching your cries and wails of 'Master Loki!! Save them!!', 'Maaaaster Loki!!! Your army's waiting, Maaaaster Loki!!!!' while Loki eventually closes his eyes and sighs in defeat*

Loki: £-©¥ ™€ |π ∆¢€ @$$

Soldiers standing next to him: *stand muted in shocked horror*

Loki came back to you wiping away your tears of hilarity as you sat in the warm sand. "I can't get these cursed cuffs off."

You looked at the cuffs and then at Loki. "Okay?"

The God raised his good brow at you. "You do realise we cannot transport back to earth because I can't use magic."

You scrunched up your nose while looking at him, a warm breeze blowing between you and the army patiently watching everything unfold. "Oh...okay."

Loki blinked. He opened his mouth to say something before finding himself scrunching his nose, less of words and much less of the sanity leaving him slowly on this new planet. "Wha-what do you mean 'okay'? We are stranded here with no possible means of getting back. Unless your father and Banner figure something out!"

Loki watched you lean back on your elbows, closing your eyes as if soaking up the nearest star. "Tsk. Relax. Hey wolf-gang! You guys have something to eat? Drink? Some form of transport?"

The boss stepped forward and came to sit next to you. "We only have rations for the army. Desert lizards and sand roaches. To drink we have the juices extracted from the finest rattlesnakes. What would you like to have first?"

"Pass," you and Loki announced in unison, your faces giving away nausea you were feeling on hearing the menu.

"There is a town just a few hog-steps from here. You will find some sort of transport to other planets. But I must warn you, there are all types of creatures that roam in that town. If I were you, I would be extra careful about your waifu here. Some creatures like to play with exotic things just for the sake of it."

A thwack echoed through the air before the camera captured you hitting the chief with his own stick. "Call me waifu one more time and it'll be this stick and your balls next," you hissed through your teeth. "Anyone else interested in calling me by that name!" You shouted to the rest of the army, getting scared head shakes. Loki turned towards the camera.

Loki: Sometimes she is quite annoying. And other times she becomes a feisty animal who would rip your throat out if you give her one excuse. *smirks and then tries to hide it* what? I'm not excited! What makes you think that. *smirks slightly* *gulps*

"Come on," you stated in Loki's direction while getting up and patting the sand off your jeans, "let's go find that town."

.

The Cursed Lab

"The frequencies?"

"No."

"Okay, how about those wavelengths that-"

"Already calculated. Nothing. We need a signal from their end to lock in. Otherwise, it's all for nothing."

"Someone contact Danvers!"

"Already did. Give it another hour or two and she'll respond."

"Anything else we can do right now?!"

"How about we breathe."

Everyone turned to watch Pepper stand at the entrance of the lab with a power pose, looking directly at Tony.

The camera recorded a slight change in energy as everyone seemed to slowly and quietly step back as she walked towards her husband all the while caressing her baby bump.

"Pepper, not now," Tony whined as he slumped into the chair and rubbed his tired eyes. "I need to find her."

"I know," she interjected, stopping beside him to run her fingers through his hair, "but you need your full strength to do that. And right now you need to sleep. Nothing will happen to her for a few hours. She's got Loki by her side."

Tony mocked a laugh, leaning back in his chair. "You think that's something to be relieved about?"

"Tony," Pepper sweetly scolded him, "my gut says he'll keep her safe. Just like it says she is fine right now. Come on. You get some rest."

Tony sighed, looked around at the faces urging him to go get some shut-eye.

"Fine," he agreed, "don't touch my things. I'll be out on the lounge sofa. I'll know if you do."

"I love you."

"I love you too."

The moment Tony walked out the door, Pepper clasped her hands together. "Well, what are we waiting for? Let's find her."

Bruce blinked. Natasha smiled. Clint groaned. Sam and Bucky sat in one corner looking at Pandora's box with a glowering gaze.

"You think we can break it just by looking at it?"

Sam absorbed Bucky's words before inhaling a lungful. "I think cursing at it might do some extra damage."

Bucky silently agreed before both of them slid their chairs across the floor towards the glass that was keeping the box away from any human contact. As they went out of frame, a very concerned Scott's face came into view, who seemed concerned about those two.

"We've tried everything Pepper. There isn't much left to do," Bruce politely explained the situation to Tony's better half.

Pepper raised her brows. "Oh, yes. I know. That's why I called him in and I think he has something that might help."

The camera- along with everyone else- turned to watch a breathless, bloodshot-eyes Peter entering the lab. "I came as soon as I found out," he declared through his short breaths. "I think I may have something."

Without another word, he slow jogged towards Bruce's worktable to throw the contents of his bag on it. Out of all the electronics, he picked out three thin black boxes in different sizes and handed them over to Bruce. "All the cameras have these."

"What's that?" Steve asked, looking over Peter's shoulder.

"Wait, is that-"

"Yeah," Peter answered to Scott's half-sentence.

"Holy crap! HOLY CRAP!" Scott couldn't contain it.

"Who did th-did you do this, Peter?" Bruce looked up from his glasses.

"Me and Scott. We were worried the last time this had happened. Scott was terrified of losing Cassie again like that. So, we came up with a way to make the cameras wireless."

Suddenly the confusion resting on Steve's face eroded as knowledge dawned upon him. "So, you made special emitters for the cameras. They'll be sending live feed on a particular frequency logged in the memory and you'll try to catch it from here. Provided the transmitters survived the jump and there aren't any jumpers in space that might try to damage or hinder with the original signal. We should be able to get live footage if Javier is recording that is, but it would be with a few hours of delay depending on how much time it takes to travel from their jump point to earth."

Silence.

Steve looked around at the shocked faces, a little confused. "What."

 One Hour Later

A crackling sound gave way to distorted colours before there was a clear image of desert running for miles with the weirdest shaped at non-periodic distances.

"Friday," Natasha called for the AI, her eyes never once wavering from what she was seeing, "run the feed in the lounge."

Everyone rushed out of the lab to the lounge, finding Tony and Thor already standing away from his sofa as he watched an unsteady recording of two people walking through that very desert.

"Something's wrong," the taller of the two suggested.

"What? What's wrong?" The smaller one asked.

"You," he said.

The smaller one turned and the camera showed your side profile, bringing with your face reveal and sigh of relief in the lounge- the biggest one coming from Tony's lungs.

"Nothing's wrong with me," you stressed with a shrug and kept walking.

Loki, on the other hand, stopped. "By the Norns," he observed, not taking his eyes off you, "you don't want to go back."

Now this made you stop walking. "Whaaat? Of, course I want to go back."

"..."

"Like you said, we don't have a way to get back. So, let's find one. At a... moderate pace."

Loki crossed his arms and looked down at you. You too stood there with a determined face.

For the next ten seconds.

"Alright. FINE! I want to go back! Of course, I want to! It's just that I'm-I'm-"

"Scared." Loki completed your sentence for you.

Everyone watching the feed shifted their weight on their legs but no one dare spoke.

Zuko- still in Natasha's arms- whined when he saw you on the big screen.

"Yes," you muttered, your shoulders loosening a little while your hands tried to rub the embarrassment off your face.

"You do realise that it was your own father whom you called 'dad'," Loki was kind enough to remind you, making you groan inside your hands. Over here, Tony grabbed his shirt by the fabric on his chest, not knowing what else to do.

"I knowww," you groaned again. "That's what I'm scared of. I was trying to get him out of harm's way and accidentally called him 'dad'. And once I did I felt it in my bones to keep calling him dad, Loki. Do you understand that?"

"Then what's the problem?"

"What if he's not ready?! I know he was the one who brought me here. By here I mean home. Our home. What if he thinks he made a mistake?! What if I'm just a burden that he has to hide in some corner so that the world doesn't know his shame? I am scared of the fact that I finally have a father that I love to pieces and I would lose him the moment I try to walk towards that reality."

You were in tears by now. What your worried heart didn't know was that so was Tony. And nearly everyone else.

"What if I never was supposed to be part of their li-"

Tiny gasps and clasped mouths tried to contain the unexplainable jump they felt as Loki grabbed you and brought you to his chest, enclosing you in his arms, almost absorbing you into him with the intensity of a thousand glowing stars. "You really are an idiot."

"Loki-" you muffled in his chest.

"Tony loves you more than you can imagine. Every one of them does. You would truly be an insolent fool to doubt that for even one second. Do you hear me, woman? They are your home because they are the warmth you need in your life. You are scared because you have not known this kind of love before. Hold on to it. Okay?"

You nodded into his chest.

"Loki?"

"Hmm?"

"I think I ruined your shirt."

"Don't worry. Your father will get me new ones."

Tony chuckled, pursing his lips before sniffing. "She's fine," he declared to the room. "She's okay." Cleaning his throat, he walked towards the lab.

Everyone watched him go and just when they were glad that everything was okay there was a loud sniffling sound that interrupted the mushy feelings of the room.

Thor stood there inhaling and exhaling while trying his best to paste a smile on that disturbed face. "I'm fine," he said more for himself than for others before his voice broke, "I'm completely fine."

When everyone dispersed, Scott found himself hugging Peter and telling him how proud he was of him for having found a way to watch over you and Loki.

“Oh, by the way, Y/N.” Scott and Loki heard in the background as they each grabbed a bottle of water to quench their dehydrated souls.

“Hm?”

“What’s a waifu?”

Scott choked on his water while Peter spat his out.

 Later That Night

"Yeah, you hear that? He's going to find your babies and make them pay for what you did to our friend."

"And he's going to break down your good for nothing body and mould them into tiny pellets to use for target practice."

"Hell yeah."

Crack.

Bucky and Sam bent a little towards the glass to watch the little crack that just appeared on the Pandora's box.

"Did...did we just do that?" Bucky asked in a whisper.

"I think so," Sam whispered back.

Both of them fist-bumped.

"Yeah, ya see that? That's what you get for messin' up with our fam."

"Try this again and I'll burn you in the worst fire you've ever felt."

"Which one?"

"Your farts after you have tacos."

"Oooh yes! That's true. My boy knows. He knows."

"You better watch out."

"You better watch out."

Silence.

"I'm hungry," Sam finally blurted.

"Wanna get tacos?"

"You know I do."

[ohshcscenerios]

Beach House

Chapter Twenty Six - Choose Your Own Adventure

Result of previous poll: Read to find out ;-)

Hikaru and Kaoru arranged the fireworks in neat rows in the sand, twisting the cardboard tubes into the sand to make them stand on their own. One by one they lined their grand finale beneath a dark sky, commemorating their wonderful weekend at the beach with an explosive display. 

Haruhi sat upright with her arms supporting her leaned postured on a beach towel, watching the twins laugh and tease each other in the distance coaxed a smile. She enjoyed watching her friends behaving as their real authentic selves, no matter how silly or foolish or even conniving they truly were. She always respected those who valued themselves over other’s opinions, who stuck to their own guns despite what they heard whispered behind their back. 

Haruhi had her fair share in ignoring the whispers when she was young. Her classmates couldn’t - or wouldn’t - understand her father’s profession as merely a profession and it in no way negatively reflected his character. He may favor women’s clothing and fashion but he was the only father God gave her and she would never sneer nor betray that. 

Her friends may have been raised in luxury and blissful ignorance but they were also genuine, curious, and most of all accepting of others. When she joined their group all those years ago she never expected the six young men parading across a dark beach to become such essential figures in her life and yet here she was, depending on them just as much as they depended on her. 

She loved them, respected them, and wished nothing but health and success for them... and yet she felt her heart yearning for one in particular. 

She couldn’t say when she first noticed her growing feelings. Years ago? Months ago? This very weekend? She couldn’t say. Her feelings felt brand new and yet they weighed heavy in her heart as if she had carried them for a long time without knowing. It was so foreign and yet... it felt right. 

She watched Kyoya and Tamaki bicker a few feet away, arguing if they should quickly buy more fireworks. Tamaki was not quite ready to say goodbye to this weekend and Kyoya knew he was trying to use his anxious energy to stall for more time. Kyoya insisted they bought enough and they couldn’t risk disrupting the locals. They couldn’t end this weekend with a surprise visit from the police. 

To her left Takashi and Mitsukuni were building a sandcastle throne for Usa-chan to rest in during their firework display. Mistukuni was cheerfully giggling as Takashi playfully kept knocking down the same sand tower. They were technically men, functioning citizens who contributed to Japan with their earned degrees, and yet they could reach into their inner child to enjoy a sandcastle. 

As their weekend came to a close Haruhi was forced to think about what would happen next. Next week. Next year. She tried to illustrate her five year plan in her mind’s eye but could only paint out a lonely office stuffed away in a gray building. 

She had always worked hard to achieve her goals and even now she wouldn’t slow down but thanks to this very interesting and revealing weekend she also considered what she was working hard for. She couldn’t waste her years satisfying a boss and her clients. She needed someone to truly make it all worth it. She needed to come home to someone to talk about her day, enjoy a relaxing night in with, share a few laughs, and receive a sense of purpose from. 

She decided... she needed him.

Because in the end it would always be him. 

Hikaru ran towards the group with Kaoru close behind, carefully running a corde along the sand. As they got closer Hikaru waved his hands while flashing the biggest smile she’s ever seen spread across his face. 

“We’re ready! Everyone take your seats!” He shouted excitedly. 

The twins dove into the sand, piling atop each other just inches from the beach towel they lied down as their spot. Mitsukuni finished patting down his sandcastle and propped Usa-chan in the make shift seat and situated his blanket beside it, sitting crossed legged nest to his stuffed friend. Kyoya opted in sitting in a wooden patio chair instead of the cold sand and Tamaki fluffed his beach towel right beside him. 

Takashi took out a lighter and clicked a flame to life, shielding it with his hand. Carefully he brought it to the cord and lit the fuse. Instantly lively sparks danced about and raced down the long fuse toward the long row of fireworks. 

“Here we go!” Kaoru cheered, throwing his hands in the air. 

Takashi took his seat behind Haruhi and gently slid her backwards between his spread legs so he could hold her close. She welcomed his embrace and rested her head against his naked chest, momentarily focused on the rise and fall of his lungs. 

One firework shot into the sky with a whiney whistle before exploding in the night sky, spreading neon green flares across the beach. Before the flares could disappear into the darkness another firework whistled through the air and exploded bright pinks and purples above them. 

Haruhi had to admit it was a very fitting way to end their vacation. Their wacky, confusing, thrilling vacation. The vacation she would come to remember as one of the most important moments in her life. 

The sky above them lit up in brilliant colors. Blues, greens, purples, reds, and blinding whites littered the night sky, veiling them beneath a a ceiling of light. 

Takashi leaned forward and kissed her cheek once- twice- and a third time for good measure. Maybe to convince himself that she was really here with him, in his arms. Maybe to further express how much he adored her. He didn’t know and he didn’t care. 

He hovered by her ear and spoke loud enough for only her to hear, “Haruhi, I love you.”

She turned to face him with a sheepish smile that quickly grew more confident once she met his happy gray eyes. Even in the dark of night she could see his beautiful eyes. The fireworks reflecting off his dark irises, teasing the idea that a person’s eyes truly were a window into their soul. 

She knew his soul to be beautiful, kind, loyal, gentle, and above all loving. He best expressed himself through actions, not needing to rely on words to illustrate his thoughts, and yet he had just spoken three very important words to her. 

Haruhi decided to respond in a way he understood best. She leaned into him and pressed her lips against his, slowly tasting the remnants of mint toothpaste and the salty air mix together for a unique flavor. He pressed back, placing his hand on her nape to draw her closer - if it were possible. 

He softly snared her lips between his, gently tugging at her supple skin as he kiss her. He slowly savored her, taking his time in tasting her unique flavor. He wanted to burn this memory in his brain, remember every touch and sensation that sparked through his body whenever she kissed him back for years and years to come. 

He never expected their weekend to end like this but he thanked every higher being for his golden chance to win over his love. 

A forced cough brought the couple back to reality just before the big finale, or as the twins named it. They said the Americans bundled together multiple fireworks to be set off at once as the show ended. Kyoya could only pray the locals didn’t send a policeman to their front door. 

Haruhi glanced at Kyoya and had to do a double take, almost missing a very interesting development. Hidden underneath his chair’s arm rest Kaoru rested his hand on Kyoya’s. Although they weren’t necessarily holding hands Kyoya didn’t move to jerk his away. 

Haruhi smiled, happy to see love sprouting in more ways than one. Perhaps she and Takashi weren’t the only lucky ones. 

The big finale was nearly deafening but the twins were right, the display left them in awe. Everyone’s jaws hung open as they watched the fireworks chaotically overtake the night sky. 

Takashi tightened his hold her waist and kissed her head before resting his chin on her head. Yes, this weekend would be remembered as a very important vacation for years and years to come. 

This concludes our Choose Your Own Adventure story! Thank you to everyone who liked, commented, and reblogged. You made this experience so much fun for me and for others around you! I hope you enjoyed this story and it’s ending. 

The poll asking if you’d like to experience another Choose Your Own Adventure story again had an overwhelming response and it was a landslide! Everyone but one voted yes! This means you can look forward to another interactive story in the near future. 

Until then, have a good night!

[erinelizabethh]

Caught Your Eye | Leon x Reader (7/?)

Summary: Your little sister is the newest, most promised challenger to beat the region’s Champion. Leon is said Champion. You just have a Pikachu.

A series of drabbles following yours and Leon’s friends-to-lovers slow burn… years in the making.

1 2 3 4 5 6

Chapter Seven: Must Be Fate

Chapter Summary: Perhaps fate is something to believe in.

Fate is a concept, an idea to believe in rather than accept as fact. To believe in whatever was to come meant a sense of control in one’s life, and God forbid if this world wasn’t so unpredictable. Perhaps the word is meant to comfort you, to justify the shudder in your bones at the fast-approaching return to Postwick. In fact, Sonia can go on about how she dawdles in it all, only entertaining destiny when she sees fit which is… exactly the topic of conversation upon your first step in Wedgehurst territory. With your Rotom phone tucked in between your shoulder and your ear, heat traveling to a phone increasing in stupidity the more you couldn’t figure how to navigate it, you raise a shoulder to drag your duffle bag toward the column of your neck while kneeling to bring your able Pikachu into your arms. “She must be right excited to see Leon in the flesh again, huh?” Sonia inquires in fact, expecting proof of delight in return.

The girl famous for her peach strands of hair and her brilliant knowledge of the region remains your friend through passing texts and selfies with your now ex-best friend, and his now rival Raihan. Unlike everyone else, she’s that rock that is dauntless of abilities that near rival a ghost type, choosing to spend moments of her day checking in with a, “What’s goin’, love?” despite your schedule too full to respond to left messages. Sometimes if the nostalgia is too much to bear, she recalls of outings the four of you had however rare, taking quick detours on routes home because you finally caved and relished in the way the sun’s rays traveled in the waves of the lake beside her home. Sometimes she’ll sign off her messages with a plead for you to return through the excuse that Leon and Raihan are down to one bookworm to tease; she misses a friend, a fellow girl, someone whose contact means more to her and less to you as the years are counted and lives are left behind.

No one’s fault but yours, you suppose, it was difficult to detach from the village girl in you to make residence in the city. Contacts of old classmates nonetheless are found upon the habitual scrolling through lists of numbers foreign, all besides your mother, Lydia, and Sonia having to deal with a fleeting existence never picking up. If only any of those people fortunate enough to hold a spot in your memory even bothered to call, but again, no one’s fault but yours. With a few updates every day from Mum about the abundance of Butterfree’s among her plants as if you care and a few more from Lydia mentioning a girl she’s crushing on in University as if you have any right giving her advice, your phone is dry with your recent calls your mentor and boss as the only source.

At this point, you’re not exactly positive why you bought this device.

Your Pikachu nuzzles her rosy cheeks into your forearm, appreciative of that buzz she experiences when her owner gives her attention. “He texted me back a, ‘yep’ when I told ‘im, I mean Sonia… he’s definitely a bit cross with me— oh, but the hat—“

You step outside Wedgehurst Station to find a crowd of people in your vision, and the very man invading your thoughts as the object of their affection. They ogle over the cape that dresses him so proper, aware of how contagious his smile can be, salivating at the amount of patience required to fully tame his winning Charizard. There are sparkles in the eyes of each aspiring trainer and parent searching for a distraction, asking him of favors to amuse them just a little longer. You’re somebody that doesn’t deserve paying mind to, except Leon has to perk up at your voice and turn to meet your entrance home, successfully diverting the attention from him and his most trusted Pokémon to someone who wanted none of that. The inhabitants of Wedgehurst turn heads at Leon’s change of behavior and the source, and you lower your phone from your ear as your gaze shuffles at every direction but the one where he is in your direct line of vision.

… And there it is, in your periphery. Your gift to him.

No one walked the world without finding his name on a billboard, his face plastered in hyperbolic documentaries of how the boy from nothing rose to the top and became the Champion of Galar. The world knew he was loved, yes, that he packed up his wardrobe and set out at the age of sixteen, yes, but did they know how good he was at remembering birthdays? His mother would tease him in passing by posting a picture of him when he was a teenager and the population would go mad and exclaim about his braces but were they there during his woes of them being too tight, too fragile? Would anyone have cared if he wasn’t a winner, if he wasn’t always a winner? So many questions and yet, you would think being twenty-three, all the time in the world would be offered to you to answer them.

You followed Leon’s journey to twenty-four through the eyes and ears of others, lips flat as you witnessed him having the time of his life. Lydia, with the occasional snapshot of his rare visit to his home, would encourage a grin from the adult when he found no reason to frown. You would scroll down Hop’s feed, his stan feed if you will, claiming that one day he would be Champion just like his brother, analyzing the stream of Leon’s many battles and victories. Then, if you were courageous enough, the next tab would be reserved for his mother’s profile—still kicking, still tagging your mother in articles about gardening. The occasional upload of Leon’s pose would show up if you scrolled further, with Mum sparing time to comment about how his signature stance kind of looks like a Charizard which was kind of the point, followed by the demand for him and you to meet up in Motostoke. Of course, your name in bold was to be your limit, and you proceeded to exit the application to bang your forehead against your phone two, three times.

His appearance is just as in the pictures, except you’re now able to put a voice and a soul into them. The boy, now a man, can’t seem to avert his gaze from what he deems is the more pressing matter at hand, his cheeks losing its color the more he eyes the color that fuses within yours. His hair reaches yours in length, undoubtedly as soft as silk, and perhaps one day there would come a time where he would allow you to braid it in a design that accentuates more of his silent gratitude. You squint to find the regret in his eyes, maybe contempt, only finding dandelions that sway in the lovely, constant breeze. There is no difference to be found in him so far but the growth on his chin and the tufts of hair that far outmatch yours. Rather than spare his many glances at you, gaze aligning so perfectly with the other, he now follows you to a height stunted just because your body isn’t built to be tall. However, although the number of contrasts is small, they are too significant to ignore, and you can’t help but notice that there can be no return to a boy strife with the burden of crooked teeth and expectations. Leon, although no longer a best friend, remains but a spirit meant to haunt you because no one can seem to let him go. You, unfortunately, are no different.

You, however, appear to have been obscured from both families’ requests for selfies or photos of your new flat, only a comment of how you’re welcomed at your new position, partaking in research that no one cared to find out about, so it’s quite a shock to him to find you seven years later under a new light. Quite some time has passed since yet the years have been kind to you, he’s sure. You deserve it, of course, but maybe you don’t; some part of him has to remind him of what you did to him. Regardless, there exists weights beneath your eyes, no doubt an accumulation of years of studies, yet you compensate for it with lips soft and glossy. The second that transpires before you shield your face from the sun, your irises shimmer underneath it’s rays and he’s thrown back to when the two of you were teenagers and the sun set over the horizon at just the right time when you were just in the right spot, and he’s as mesmerized then as he is now.

Boy, does he hate it.

There is something you haven’t seen from him since you departed: a frown upon his lips that deters those who find solace in his abiding smile. Eyebrows narrowed if only for a moment, the relief of those that know a caricature of him returns when he puffs out his chest, permitting you from defacing his image by forcing out a, “Welcome home,” despite, you know, not coming back for seven years. The smile that reaches the surface is unsettling to you, as behind it there are cracks in which you are the cause, imprints of memories better off forgotten because you made them undesirable. You return the favor in contrast to Pikachu squirming in your grasp, settling with the familiarity of the boy before her. His Charizard simply huffs out his dismay, gaze observing the tremble that crawls up your skin and threatens to make an already horrid situation much worse. He flexes his growth from the cheeky yet promising Charmander to the inviolable Charizard the world knows, all because you can’t seem to stop breaking his owner’s heart. No difference found, as perhaps his form of discipline during your many study dates alone with him really was punishing you for the inevitable.

Lydia and Hop are in the back of this mess, balanced on top of their toes to witness the commotion over the shoulders of passersby, murmuring under their breaths of the lack of timing that warrants such a situation. The two grown, yet not grown enough, graduates jostle shoulders to get through to the both of you, and it is then that you notice of the increasing similarity in behavior and appearance between Leon and his sibling. Of course, there’s no time to worry about it lost, as Lydia grasps your free arm and grants you a favor after years of you slacking as her sister and her confidant. When she drags you from the fray, calling for Leon over his shoulder of her intended whereabouts, you’re not at all occupied with the intimidation of unwanted attention and off handed clicks of the tongue.

Out of all the caps to wear…

Out of all the trinkets and parting gifts that would remind you of home…

You wear mine.

[ateardropintheocean]

Of Love

Note: I had written this piece a while back for a challenge that had a 500 word limit. It could definitely be done better but I really want some feedback on this story as is. Thanks🙈

For the first time in 3 years, time has stilled.

Work pressures have magically vanished, and as my own boss I’m choosing when, or not to work. Life is good, so to speak.

My thoughts are interrupted by Anisha’s FaceTime call.

“Hey babe, how’s it going?” I smile lazily.

“Oh god Aishu- it’s 3 pm! Don’t you have any plans of getting up? I swear, by the end of this lockdown your body will fuse to that mattress!” I grin at her, unrepentant.

“We spoke at 9 na, what happened now?”

Anisha’s face scrunched up, as if she was still working out what to say.

“Okay first sit up- properly. I want your full attention” she was now getting it, having stirred my curiosity.

“Rohan is engaged.. to Mayera. Babe, don’t look at me like that. I know how hard this is, really wish I could be with you right now but I didn’t want you to find out through Instagram”

“I.. I’ll call you back later”. I slammed the laptop screen shut, wanting to shut out the knowledge I’d just gained.

Its been 3 years. Why am I still sobbing then?

I slowly crept to the bathroom. Puffy face and reddened eyes stared back from the mirror. It was strangely reminiscent of the last time I stood like this.

‘Twas the summer of 2017. We had been officially dating for 14 months then.

I was a sensitive, nervous 22-year-old who never thought she’d find love, didn’t help either that I weighed 80 kgs. No wonder everyone thought tall, handsome Rohan was crazy.

I remember the elation of our first kiss, first dates, first trip together. With him I never felt the need to prove my worth. I’ve often wondered if this was what drove him away.

“Aisha, we’re young, it’s not like we were planning on getting married? Wait- you really thought I’d marry you? His amused face still crushes my soul. I found out a month later he’d been seeing Mayera for a while.

I wasn’t one of those exes who blocked him and moved on- I couldn’t. Instead, I chased. Like a mad dog I took to the gym, lost the excess weight and gained some confidence. But no matter my new look or fancy life, he didn’t once look back.

I open Instagram on my phone and his happy face stares at me, tauntingly. The boy who fell in love with my spirit and out of love with my body is going to be someone’s husband.

Unbidden, tears fall again.

I visualize myself storming the wedding, disrupting rituals. I dream he’s at the door right now, telling me how he actually wants to be with me.

His face awakens me from my delusion. I know inside - I love him too much to ruin his life.

Maybe it’s time to love myself too, and move on. Not soon.. I’ll probably grieve away this quarantime.

But yes, it’s time for me to find love again.

[tb5-heavenward]

You just know I'm going to ask about Covenant now, right?

well since you two are two of the only people who know about covenant (and i’m sorry bud, your editorial sensibilities are going to have to put up with my stylistic lower caps) and since I’ve finally watched that shitshow of a most recent episode, I am totally down to talk about covenant.

but first let’s talk a little bit about TAG

TAG is terrible.

Visually the show is gorgeous. It has improved by leaps and bounds and it was charming when it started and it is awesome now. WETA are absolutely the bedrock of what makes this show worth watching, and I love the visuals more and more as they continue to push those boundaries. The cinnamontography, etc.

The Thunderbirds are amazing. They are beautiful, intricate, wonderfully clever machines. Their pilots ain’t half bad either. If you know and truly love the show and think about them all as well and deeply as they deserve, I think it’s impossible to honestly pick a favourite. International Rescue is a fantastic premise. The Tracys and their associates are all strong, compelling characters who have been iterated into an updated retro-future and made universally deeper and more interesting.

The bread and butter conceit of the show is awesome, the tension and conflict and creativity around solving complex problems that they manage to demonstrate in the course of a twenty-two minute episode sometimes just boggles the mind. When IR gets put up against the forces of nature and straight bad luck and pure, audacious dumbassery, we have gotten some of the best moments this show has to offer.

And those first season episodes were ugly as shit and everybody sounded the same and there were maybe three spare models between the entire NPC cast, but my GOD did S1 ever have heart. The soul of the show belongs to S1 and no one will change my mind about that. Try it. EOS was incredible. Skyhook was the definition of a balanced ensemble episode. Fireflash. Tunnels of Time. Relic. Recharge. Extraction. S2 came back swinging out of the gate with Ghost Ship. Up from the Depths was an absolute masterclass and actually changed the stakes in the show for the first time. Bolt from the Blue. Power Play. Hyperspeed. We all know which episodes were fucking good as hell. S3 comes out and the visuals have improved yet further. They have firmly found their feet as animators and as actors and as characters. We are finally actually starting to learn about these boys and their father, the most glaringly obvious hole in the show at large. Night and Day. Life Signs. And then SOS 1/2 and a complete and total paradigm shift. There is a sense of mortality to TAG now and it is an edge of realism that SHOULD be able to elevate it beyond what it’s been so far.

And yet.

TAG is fucking terrible.

Five years on, I am entitled to say, TAG is absolutely the goddamn worst sometimes, holy fucking shit. And what makes that terribleness terrible in and of itself—is that it’s because this show fails to recognize its most fundamental strengths. It fails to know what its audience will really connect to. And it’s because the writers’ room must be the goddamn wild west at this point, with the sort of nonsense these fucks are throwing at the wall and hoping to see it stick. It’s because whoever is in charge of the overall narrative arc of these seventy-odd episodes has not done what’s necessary to ensure TAG’s cohesion as a unified work.

(y’all hang onto your butts, i’m gonna do another brick wall metaphor.)

So what we have, five years on and seventy-odd episodes later, is a heap of bricks that WANT to be a wall, and we’re led to the impression that they’re SUPPOSED to be a wall, but they haven’t been put together by any single person. They have been put together by a rotating cast of a few dozen people who orient the bricks they’re given in slightly different ways sometimes, or who lay them at odd angles or who brought their own bricks from home for some reason. David Tennant is there. He must have cost at least half the budget for all of S2. All in all, he’s just another brick in the wall.

We know by this point that there is some asshole vaguely in charge of the idea of the wall. You can kind of tell that he’s at least heard of walls and he would definitely like to build one, but he isn’t exactly making it happen. There is an edifice here. It is wall-like, in some regions. At the end of the day though, most people who come across it also step over it, no problem. Or they chisel out the bricks that look to be worth saving and kick the rest of the wall over. That’s just fandom. That’s what fandom does.

Now, it is necessary at any point when talking about children’s media to talk about another series that ran three seasons over sixty-one episodes, and covered a level of geopolitical conflict over the course of a single year from the perspective of five incredibly gifted young people, all of whom were complex and flawed and sympathetic, and who knew they were responsible with putting the world to right with their own hands and set about doing that in the face of incredible odds, against villains who were no less than ruthlessly sociopathic.

ATLA sets a high bar. TAG was never going to be ATLA.

But fuck, I wish it had tried.

I wish the people who had set out to remake this story had sat down together and said, “Over the course of the next three seasons, we will tell the story of what International Rescue is. We will explain how it came to be. We will have strong themes that persist through the show and repeat themselves for emphasis: One Problem At A Time, You Can’t Save Everyone, Someone Has To Try. We will explain who these boys are and how they came to be this way. We will make it deeply and obviously clear what they do, how they do it, and why. We will give them limits. We will let them fail. We will give them flaws, we will let them clash with each other. We will let them grow and change. We will give them one deep, powerful loss that is the bedrock of what they became. We will put a powerful force in the world that loathes and opposes them at all costs. We will give them a tiny fragment of hope to chase and chase and chase and let them catch it only at the moment when they’v’e finally learned that they can let it go.”

I wish there had been rules. I wish there hadn’t been a new villain crammed into every season, in a show where the villains are objectively the weakest part. To add four villains to a show that barely has room for one and then to expect to make them ALL have a sympathetic edge somehow—it’s absolute fucking idiocy. I don’t care that The Hood is Kayo’s Uncle and Smiled In a Picture One Time. I don’t care that The Mechanic Is Apparently Being Mind Controlled Though No Indication Of That Was Given At Any Point in His History Until We Were Told So Explicitly. I don’t fucking CARE that Havoc Gets Yelled At By Her Boss Who Is Mean. I don’t give a shit that Fuse Is Apparently Too Stupid To Have Recognized The Moral Component Of Any Of His Criminal Acts Up Until He Inflicts Them On The Tracys.

You know which villains are objectively incredible in this show? Langstrom Fischler. Professor Harold. Francois Lemaire. Ned Fucking Tedford, who is a villain on the grounds that he is an obstacle, a problem to be solved, a concept of a person so hapless that they have multiple times strayed in the most incredible kind of peril. The strongest villains in this show are the ones who are just PEOPLE. People who are being careless. Or who are being greedy. Or who are being self-aggrandizing. People who exhibit traits equal and opposite to what our boys in blue exemplify.

I don’t know. We’re coming to the end of S3, we’re nearing their grand, incredible climax, this promised moment of potential reunion—and I wish I cared. I really wish I could. But there’s so much clutter. There’s so much their pulling DIRECTLY out of their asses in the home stretch. There are so many loose threads, there are so many concepts that were introduced and then never explored, or which were introduced in the end game and then never reinforced. There is so much information that we should have had from the start, so many mysteries that went unsolved and uncared about because they were unmentioned. There is not enough room for them to resolve anything in a meanignful way. There it so much that it seems like THEY didn’t know, and they SHOULD HAVE. They had time. Five fucking years, they had so much time to figure this out. And yet.

anyway.

So, covenant. Covenant basically a codeword for what I would’ve done differently, the last time I got mad about this whole endemic problem with the writing in this show, round about two years ago now.

Covenant is just a good word, really, and while it means something as a title, that relevance has kind of degraded a bit. It was going to be a rewrite of the end of Season 2, and sort of a retrofitting of Season 2 as a whole. It was going to explore the ideas that they put down and then never picked up, it was going to seriously address a lot of the core conflicts in the show and set things in motion to resolve those problems. I have it started. I have a good couple thousand words of the beginning, but it’s a good enough beginning that it could potentially begin something else, and so I won’t publish it here, in case I end up using it somewhere else. As is, it’s a priveleged-eyes-only sort of work, it’s only really been passed around my inner circle. If anyone is interested in hearing more about that, hit me up and I’ll elabourate. But for now, it is quarter past eleven, and I have ranted for long enough.

[aguywithakeyboardnmouse]

Boss battles in (some) games

Boss battles in video games are generally milestone worthy affairs, meant to provide a player with a memorable challenge. They usually intend to test the player’s knowledge of the game up to that point and provide a break from the usual gameplay up to that point. These fights are usually built up to, to give the player that the boss is not simply another opponent that they will have an easy time. They can also aid in progressing a story along at certain major points. Here are some examples of games with bosses that I have played.

Hellblade: Senua’s Sacrifice has bosses that are mainly of old Norse gods and Norse mythology. These fights are built up to using various puzzles and smaller fights with minions, which is shown easily with the first two bosses, Valravn and Surtr. In both cases, the prelude consists of showing what the two bosses are all about, as you light sacrificial pyres on the approach to Surtr and attempt to defeat Valravn’s myriad illusions that he uses to try and trick you. It’s not just about the build up to a boss battle in Hellblade that makes them great, however. The battles themselves aren’t particularly difficult, but they nevertheless test the player in using the skills they have acquired, one of note to me being an attack by Valravn that when parried causes him to suffer damage instead. These battles are supplemented by awesome music, which is definitely recognisable and attributable to each individual boss. I would bet that I could place each boss’ track given how much they stand out to me. Darkest Dungeon’s bosses are region specific, but have additional difficulty in that they often cannot be tackled with heroes that are too high a level to face them. These battles are reached by first completing various quests within a specific region before the encounter is available. I’ve not yet played through all of the game, but I have encountered a couple of bosses with somewhat interesting playstyles. The first one I encountered was a necromancer capable of dropping rocks from the ceiling, which is essentially an attack on two random positions of your party that deals significant damage. Another boss was based on sirens that lured ships to their deaths. This time around, however, the siren has the ability to charm one of your own party into fighting for her for a short duration. That short duration can be quite painful if your frontline bruiser or your healer is converted, as then you’re either taking damage that you can’t otherwise recover or being dealt it in amounts that are unlikely to be healed anyway. A third boss I’ve so far encountered is a cannon manned by thieves and brigands. Unlike most of the other enemies in the game the cannon is incapable of attacking your party directly. It will incessantly summon reinforcements which include a man with a matchstick capable of lighting the cannon’s fuse. As I played this fight out, I didn’t need to be shown or told what damage the cannon would be capable of, such is the way the game teaches you how to play. These boss fights have been notable because they are usually a break from fighting the minions while also stepping up the difficulty in an achievable way. Having said that, this wasn’t played on the hardest difficulty of the game and I shudder to think what it’s like on that level. Case study three is Code Vein, a game similar to Dark Souls in how it approaches boss battles. You’ll know when you’re approaching one because the arena is generally a large open area that is usually devoid of much cover or any features. The bosses in Code Vein are an interesting bunch, as they seem somewhat unrelated to the story, at least for me. They are, however, generally a right kick in the ass to deal with on a first try, as they often use large sweeping attacks or blisteringly quick combos that can be hard to time a dodge to, which, in absence of a good story is their main reason to be sought out. Beating one of these bosses is a reason to breathe a sigh of relief, as you won’t have to deal with that one anymore. Even so, losing to a particular boss (or in my case, most of them) multiple times does mean the triumph is so much more rewarding. That said, I wouldn’t call any of the bosses in Code Vein extremely memorable. None of them taunt you in any real way, save for beating you into submission multiple times. They just happen to be pretty hard to fight against, which I suppose is a good target to set for a boss fight.

There’s a lot of components to a boss fight that need to be considered, in the end, for it to be memorable or even just to work properly. There has to be build up to the fight itself, that marks out the boss as a particularly important or dangerous foe, yet too much build up is a detriment. The fight itself also needs to be a step up or a break from the standard gameplay, intended to test and reward the player for having learnt through the game. I would also consider good music to be part of a memorable, if not functional, boss fight. I still think to this day that the track Surtr is quite a good song and can picture the fight in Hellblade with fire giant endlessly when I listen to it.

[queenofcats17]

i could see hell's studio joey accidentally fusing henry's soul to bendy's soul and body and it taking joey a week to undo the what he did

That’s certainly interesting. Linda’s gonna kick his ass.

———————————————–

Alright, so, Henry’s streak of not getting involved in shenanigans had officially been broken. First, there had been the fusion thing and now there was…this. Granted, with the fusion thing, Henry had agreed to it. This…This he had not agreed to. And now he was stuck occupying the same body as Bendy until Joey got this fixed.

Backing up, it had all started a few days before. Joey had been trying to figure out ways to reduce the stress on the toons’ bodies. They sustained themselves through ink and magic, but strong emotions tended to disrupt the magic holding their bodies together. Case in point, every time Bendy got stressed and started dripping on the floor. Bendy had tried to dissuade Joey, but Henry had backed his friend up for once.

“It would be good if Joey managed to find a way to make you more stable,” Henry said. “I mean, it would certainly make Wally’s job easier.” He laughed.

“Joey doesn’t need to mess with black magic for that,” Bendy grumbled.

While he did like the idea of having a more stable form, he absolutely didn’t trust Joey to not screw this up. Joey was a good man. He meant well. But he was basically the human version of Murphy’s Law. If it could go wrong with him, it would. But…he trusted Henry. So, if Henry thought it was alright, he’d go along with it.

In retrospect, neither of them should have agreed to it.

Joey’s idea involved using Henry’s blood to form a connection between Bendy and Henry. Since Henry was Bendy’s creator, Joey thought that having a connection to Henry’s soul would make Bendy’s body stronger as a result. If it worked, he could try linking Alice and Boris’ souls to people who had strong connections with them.

“I still think this is a bad idea,” Bendy announced as he and Henry sat in the circle. Because of course Joey had to draw up a circle. At least he’d started using chalk instead of paint. That was only really after Wally had thrown his mop down and announced he wasn’t going to clean up the paint anymore.

“Oh, it’ll be fine.” Joey waved a hand, opening up his spellbook. “This spell is perfectly safe!”

“That’s what you always say.” Bendy gave him a deadpan look.

“I mean, it’ll probably be fine.” Henry was getting a bit nervous himself, but it was far too late to back out.

“Don’t encourage him, Henry.”

After a few more minutes of preparation, Joey pulled out a knife from his desk.

“Alright! Now you both need to cut your palms!” He announced brightly.

“Joey…Has that always been in your desk?” Henry asked slowly.

“Oh no, it’s a recent purchase,” Joey said, holding the knife out to the two of them.

Henry and Bendy both stared at him for a little bit before Henry took the knife. He chose not to cut his palm, (because that would have really hurt) instead pricking his finger. Bendy cut his palm because he was committed to aesthetics.

“Alright, now press the wounds together,” Joey said. They did as he asked and Joey began to chant. The candles began to flare, the air getting heavier. Both Henry and Bendy started to feel strange, and get the distinct impression that something was very wrong.

However, before either could say anything, they were consumed by a bright light. The fact that there was a bright light should have tipped everyone off that something was wrong, because every time one of Joey’s spells had gone wrong it had been preceded by a bright light and the candle flames flaring. Joey still hoped everything was alright, though. Until the light faded and Henry was gone.

“H-Henry?” He asked, eyes widening as panic began to rise in his chest. Had he just killed Henry? Or banished him to another dimension? Oh, gods. Linda was going to kill him.

“I’m right here.” To his surprise, Henry’s voice came from Bendy’s mouth.

“Henry?” Bendy frowned, looking around. “Where are you?”

“What are you talking about? I’m right here.” Henry said. “Where are you?”

“No, you’re not!” Bendy turned around.

“Uuuh….” Joey laughed nervously. “You two…might want to see this.” With shaking hands, he held up a small hand mirror.

Both Bendy and Henry screamed when they saw what was reflected back. It was Bendy but dressed in Henry’s clothes, and with one human-looking eye. For an unbearably long time, the office was silent. Joey’s hands were shaking so much he nearly dropped the mirror multiple times. Finally, Henry spoke.

“Linda’s going to kill you.”

.

Linda did not kill Joey. She did, however, give him the lecture to end all lectures. Joey feared no god nor king, but he feared Linda Stein.

“You fix this.” She said once she was done yelling at him.

“Yes, ma’am.” Joey squeaked.

“Good.” Linda turned back to the strange amalgamation of her husband and Bendy. “Why don’t you take some time and rest while he figures this out?”

“Yeah, of course,” Henry said, despite knowing full well that neither he nor Bendy would be resting.

The fact that they were now one entity made things more difficult for both of them. Bendy had to be everywhere, supervising everyone. Henry stayed in one position and drew for hours on end. Henry conceded to allowing Bendy to go about his duties, although he did insist upon stopping every so often so he could draw. He got fidgety when he couldn’t. But he wasn’t allowed to be drawing frames. Those took a lot of time that Bendy didn’t have.

Luckily, they weren’t on a deadline, so Henry wasn’t absolutely needed. They had other animators that could cover the slack while Henry was out of commission. This did nothing to ease Bendy and Henry’s stress. They were very stressed at being in this situation. Bendy’s form did seem more stable, though, so that was probably a plus.

“So, how are you holding up?” Sammy asked at about day 3.

“Everything is awful and I hate my life.” Bendy groaned, face first on his desk.

“What about you, Henry?” Sammy craned his head a bit to see if he could notice a change in expression to signal the shift in who was speaking.

“His stress is making me stressed,” Henry replied. “I want my body back so I can hug my wife.” Sammy nodded. It had been a bit jarring, hearing Henry’s voice come out of Bendy’s mouth. And the fact that Bendy and Henry argued a lot now that they shared a body was weird. But weird was par for the course in this studio.

“I finished the songs for today, by the way.” Sammy pushed the papers toward Bendy.

“Thanks, Sam. You’re the best.”

Sammy couldn’t help but smirk at that. “You’re welcome, boss.”

Thankfully for everyone in the studio, Joey had it figured out by the end of the week. He’d worked extra hard because he didn’t want Linda to murder him.

“I’ll, uh, I’ll figure something else for Boris and Alice.” He promised before disappearing into his office. Wally found him passed out about an hour later, curled up on the couch in the corner of his office. Both Bendy and Henry took a few days off after that to just relax. Linda hadn’t been about to let Henry back in the studio for a few days anyway.

[tillman]

hi i ranked every single dark souls 1 character by who i think is the most kissable . its 79 characters all with a description of why theyre at the place theyre at with images for reference :-) its all under cut for u to enjoy.. thank u

this is all my opinion cus hehe im making the list but also im god so this is fact now . 

counting down because u know what ! buildup is fun and i have to start off with everyones most favorite:

GWYN - 79

im kidding. fuck gwyn and everything he stands for. he wouldnt even be a good kisser he doesnt have FUCKING LIPS

SEATH - 78

oh you really wanna kiss the incel dragon who kidnaps ladies for his weird experiements?? yeah?? who are you, big hat logan?

EINGYI - 77

heres one i wont get hate for: this fucking asshole . die bastard . he cant even kiss his face is all infected and gross!

KAATHE - 76

he sucks.

SMOUGH - 75

not only is he too big to kiss! hes a cannibal!! hed eat you!!!! thats no kiss i want!

MANUS - 74

listen i know yall love daddies and all that but hes manipulative and not a nice person so id watch out. i GUESS hes kissable as he was a human before but def not a good kiss

BED OF CHAOS - 73

its just some vines that sometimes set on fire!! If it were still the witch of izalith she would be probally in the 20s as shes a good person who tried very hard to help the world but in this state... u cant even kiss her!

FRAMPT - 72

better than kaathe but the whole no lips and being a manipulative snake monster really throws me off and shoves him down at the bottom

FINA (GODDESS OF LOVE/BEAUTY (?)) - 71

(mentioned character - no image sorry :-( )

Listen as much as im all for love, this is love u dont want ! just trust me dont be lautrec dont do it you dont want to kiss fina listen to me. please dont kiss fina.

VINCE AND NICO - 70

way of the white members are NOTABLY unkissable but these guys. are just so boring. theyll be your white bread boyfriend as neil would say... bad kissers and bad people!

LAUTREC - 69 

aw fuck wait can i make another character 69 he doesnt deserve it. anyways not only is he not over his ex (fina) hed probally gut you and steal your lunch money half way through the kiss anyways so whats the point . thats not how u treat a lover idiot

CENTIPEDE DEMON - 68

it eats your face and you die. next pleaaase

PETRUS - 67

another way of the white cleric. he at least starts off nice and he says fuck rich people but also he let that happen to rhea and i fucking hate his guts so no.

PALADIN LEEROY - 66 

out of all the way of the white idiots hes the best in that he wears armor and seems cool but its the way of the white man.  i cant get past that. sorry leeroy at least your armor is cool. he probably hasnt kissed someone in hundreds of years anyways 

MOONLIGHT BUTTERFLY - 65

delicate ... but beautiful! i dunno how to smooch it but i def would if i could ! i dont think it can kiss back but, o well! we all have flaws

IRON GOLEM - 64

it cant kiss back but its COOL and can throw me like a javelin so like . yeehaw id smooch its little face place 

UNDEAD MERCHANTS (BOTH) - 63

between moss and yulia i think they got enough on their plates! plus since theyre so hollowed, i dont think they have any lips to kiss back with! 

INGWARD - 62

hes not like . bad persay but also i dont trust him after he helped with new londo. cool design tho. i wanna kiss that bird beak mask

JEREMIAH - 61

was a bullfrog, and never took off his crown long enough to kiss another person...... i feel like if he did though! oh boy!!!

Asylum Demon + Demon Firesage + Stray Demon - 60

more kissable than some bosses, but still not the greatest lips. good butts though on all of them.... so i guess thats fr u kinky people 

SNUGGLY THE CROW - 59

(no image shes a crow) 

please stop drawing her as an anime girl shes literally just a grow that likes warm things oh my god you freaks be nice to her

BIG HAT LOGAN - 58

hes hard to kiss around the hat! and on that note hes pretty much taken with his obsession with seath. good luck! hes nice though so better than most of this list so far

GAPING DRAGON - 57

ranked so high because past its giant underbelly of teeth and destruction is this very tiny head which i think is so funny i cant help but want to kiss its little snoot.... hehe baby

PRINCE RICARD - 56

oh now were actually getting into kissable range! ricard is a prince (maybe even of astora... kissability increase.) so his high ranking might get you some kissability points, but the hollowing is gonna lower that. 4/10 no kissable lips!

4 KINGS - 55

whats better than a prince..... a king... whats better than a king..................  4 KINGS! just watch out for their overly anime spiky armor and the fact their in a never ending void nightmare but they do have faces so thats points above the rest!

SALAMAN - 54

(mentioned character only! sorry!)

hmmmm we dont learn much about him other than he was close with quelana and he was ............ hot!  hes a pyromancer.  being of the great swamp pushes him down a bit because he prolly smells like his name sake but u know what ! maybe hes cute! we cant be sure! hes in the running at least!

TAURUS DEMON - 53

hmm... bad lover.... good kisser................................................... the things i do for big beefy demon love.

GOUGH - 52

While you cant kiss gough cus all the sap in his helmet i cant bare to put him lower than he is hes just so sweet. a kiss on his helmet because i love him so much

NITO - 51

while he cant kiss back, nito deserves a kiss or two! plus he has a lot of hands so u can hold his hands and be hugged at the same time and u know what that might be just as good as a nice kiss. good on you nito!

STONE DRAGON - 50

again a non kisser........ damn beaks! the stone dragon does need a kiss though. they havent seen another living soul in years down in ash lake! so im giving them points on that alone.

VAMOS - 49

like the last two.... no lips! vamos though makes up for it in his charm and wit, and his exceptional skill in smithing! so even without lips to kiss, you still should kiss vamos! hes a good friend

ARIAMIS - 48

(mentioned !)

wow... a painter! and a skilled one at that! this man created the painted world used to keep priscilla safe and that is so noble it gives him points right off the bat! i feel like though, as an artist, he might be a bit weird about it. so watch out and be safe, but in the end, get free art and some free smooches out of him!

ELIZABETH - 47

thats my mom ... of course she gets a good cheek smooch for all her hard work keeping dusk safe!

DOMHNALL - 46

i love domhnall hes a good guy whos trying his best but also his mask is so fucking goofy i dunno if i can do it .

RICKERT - 45

as much as i think rickert would be a good kiss (hes smart, cute, and skilled!) he is trapped behind some bars willingly and probably wont let you in. i can dream though!

CEASLESS DISCHARGE - 44

if theres any boss that NEEDS a kiss its him. poor dude lost all his family and was turned into this laughing stock of a creature. youd probably burn your lips but .... please just be nice to him :-(

SHIVAS BODYGUARD - 43

ooo a strong yet silent type.... hes even cute under his mask! good kiss, but i feel like he might just care more about his actual job than a kiss ! hes dedicated !

CIARAN - 42

putting aside me knowing shed be a good kisser, i just understand she probably doesnt want a kiss right now, shes grieving over the loss of her friend and i respect her comfort. maybe a good pat on the shoulder and a cup of nice tea with her would be nice though! 

PINWHEEL - 41

may seem like a weird choice to put a necromancer up so high on the list but.... honestly pinwheel needs some love. dude lost his whole family and in trying to revive them accidentally fused them to himself. while he might not be the best kisser, i honestly just wanna tell him everythings gonna be ok.

KIRK - 40

ok if you know me you KNOW how much it pains me to put kirk so low but. hes a busy guy! not only is he doing so much work to help out where he can with the fair lady, but you might just get pricked by his spiky armor while youre going in for the smooch! so, as much as he deserves a kiss for all his hard work, maybe pass until another time!

SIEGLINDE - 39

were getting there! she is just so strong... and so brave........ she may not even be undead! sieglinde is so strong and wonderful doing all that just to deliver a message to her unruly father, she deserves so many kisses! Shes got a lot on her plate though so please respect her......

BERENIKE - 38

(just mentioned!)

implied to be a huge strong knight who made it to even sens fortress! yes please ! 

BELL GARGOYLES - 37

hmmmmm,.......... if u can get past the whole lighting your face on fire, these are two loyal gargoyles! that seems pretty good to me!

BEATRICE - 36

a wonderful helpful witch friend! she is so nice to help you defeat flying bosses with her magic!! i love her so much! shes even cute to boot! 

GIANT BLACKSMITH - 35

HE HELP ANYTIME................... I HAVE TO GIVE HIM A KISS FOR ALL HIS HARD WORK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! LEGALLY I HAVE TO !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

RHEA - 34

putting aside my hatred of the way of white.... rhea really is just a babey.... shes adorable and kind and just wants everyone to be ok so im won over. maybe a little forehead smooch for being such a good person!

OSCAR - 33

oh oscar. a noble, heroic, and cute knight but in the end. would he be a good kisser........ i feel yes, but maybe not so much so! hes busy focusing on being a hero you know! hes a good friend and i cant help but fall in love with nice guys

THE FAIR LADY - 32

she deserves the entire world and all i can give her is my humanity and a kiss........... sobs. i wish i could do more to ease her pain but she is so strong and wonderful! please give her a nice smooch! 

QUELANA - 31

i didnt wanna separate them ........ her wonderful sister! who even taught humans pyromancies! shes smart and nice, and honestly probably needs a kiss. 

MILDRED - 30

uh my notes from last night are just

so yeah! thats mildred!

CRESTFALLEN MERCHANT - 29

hes sad as fuck but also... kinda handsome! he was a knight of berenike and made it almost all of the way through sens fortress showing how skilled he is! a strong man like this (inspired by maybe the best kisser in demons souls, boirr) has to be a good kiss!

SIEGMEYER - 28

hes going through a lot right now but... how could u not think siegmeyer is kissable. thats on you man. thats your own character flaw.

OSWALD - 27

ok this might be slightly controversial but i feel like oswald would be a good kisser. if you got past his slightly weird love for velka who well get to (thats just carimites (carimians? carimfolk???)) hes nice and kind and maybe the funkiest character in dark souls

KALAMEET - 26

another cant kiss you but.... kalameet is just so cool ! very shadow the hedgehog and u know what that is NOT a bad thing. you might have a rough time trying to get there, but..... aww whos a good dragon.....

DARKMOON KNIGHTESS - 25

alright the final stretch! the darkmoon knightess is the anor londo firekeeper, and a friend of gwyndolin! shes supposed to be “ugly and shit” (real quote. i would never lie to you) but her model is so cute! defiantly kissable as fuck!

 SANCTUARY GUARDIAN - 24

GOFH ITS JUST A WIDDLE KITTEY CAT........... I GIVE IT A WIDDLE KISSEY ON ITS FOREHEAD AHOWHWWAWWW BABEY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ALVINA - 23

AWHAHWAWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW SHES H(FADOESAGVFOSDHFSO CUET EIFEDKC LKOFIE JS I LOVE YOU FJEADFIDASHCODEUFCUSFKSDHFKSUHFC

DUSK - 22

oh yes!! the princess of a lost land...... will you be her knight in shining armor.......... oh i just love her so much. shes sweet and nice and cute and deserves a kiss or two!! please be nice to my daughter!

SHIVA - 21

hottie with cool armor and a cooler sword. since they cut his whole sidequest i can with all certianty say YES he is super kissable and is probably a great kisser 

QUELAAG - 20

IGNORIGN HER GIANT SPIDER LOWERBODY........... SHES JUST DOING THIS FOR HER SISTER SHE JUST WANTS TO HELP HER POOR SISTER WHOS IN PAIN HOW COULD YOU NOT LOVE HER SO MUCH!! PLEASE KISS QUELAAG! 

GRIGGS - 19

im putting griggs so high cus hes kissable in a factor unseen before...... baby factor. hes soft and nice and is just trying to find his dad! just tuck him into bed and kiss him goodnight! its what he deserves! 

ARTORIAS - 18

everyone already KNOWS why artorias is a good kisser. hes nice, strong, brave, and most importantly. cool as FUCKING HELL ! HE DOES SICK ANIME FLIPS!! if you can look past the abyss slowly taking him over, youll find a good good boy who deserves a good kiss.

ANASTACIA - 17

the good firekeeper who we spend most of our time with in 1! YES of COURSE Shes kissable. she deserves SO MANY kisses for all of her hard work in keeping the firekeep shrine lit! good job anastacia im sorry lautrec is like that

VELKA GODDESS OF SIN - 16

(just mentioned!)

if her title alone doesnt bring you in, youll be pleased to know shes implied to help watch over priscilla (who well get to hold your horses) and keep the poor girl safe! a strong sense of justice and a love of crows, shes probably an amazing kiss if you can find her! 

ANDRE - 15

were closing in on #1 and i just have to throw andre in here. hes so nice and strong! just . please kiss andre! he deserves some he does so much work! 

PRISCILLA - 14

poor priscilla. called a monstrous crossbreed and has to hide in a painted world to stay safe from those who would hurt her. including the internet! leave her alone you freaks shes not your fetish fuel!!! she deserves a good kiss on the cheek and a hug for all she has to put up with

 CRESTFALLEN WARRIOR - 13

its my list i get to put the crestfallen warrior where i want. and u know what? he would honestly be a good kiss. hes kind and helpful and never once wishes you harm, he just needs to be held tightly and kissed passionately and u know what. dont we all. 

GWYNEVERE - 12

she is beautiful but .... 1 shes married and 2 shes not even real! whatever. her husband the flame god flann is at least.......... hot! haahgdaefshdfcdhswfe im so fucking funny

BLACK IRON TARKUS - 11

listen i see a big beefy dude i go “hey thats hot please kiss me” so of course tarkus is this high up hes the beefiest dude around.... right?? anyways all knights of berenike are kissable hes just the MOST kissable of the 3 named ones!

ORNSTEIN - 10

this dude kisses the son of gwyn you KNOW hes a good kiss. the golden lion armor just helps so much. we love you ornstein .....

HAVEL THE ROCK - 9

HERE HE IS ... THE BEEFIEST GUY AROUND ... this bitch uses a DRAGONS TOOTH as a huge club to bash people with if that isnt big dick energy i dont know what is. armor made of stone. heart made of gold. havel the rock please god kiss me passionately under the moonlight .

SIF - 8

oghfoghfohg puppey..................................... SMOOCHIE THE PUPPY>...........

NAMELESS KING (!?) - 7

(hes just mentioned in ds1!!) 

I KNOW HES A DS3 BOSS BUT LISTEN TO ME THEY TALK ABOUT HIM SO MUCH IM ALLOWING THIS.  he defected from his awful dads team to go help the DRAGONS!! thats so cool hes so kissable. would be more kissable if he wasnt kissing ornstein but thats ok . i respect them both.

MARVELOUS CHESTER - 6

this MAY just because i have a huge crush on him but also here are some good kissable things about him: his fasion, his voice that sounds like a purr, his laugh, his malice, his funny mask, him. thank you for your time.

GWYNDOLIN - 5

FINAL FIVE! heres gwyndolin. the most kissable of all of gwyns children for the sheer fact of how much work they put in to making sure people stay safe and happy. they are so kind and wonderful they deserve SO MANY kisses! good on you gwyndolin....

LAURENTIUS - 4

now heres a fun one! laurentius is one of the nicest guys u will EVER meet in any souls game. he genuinely cares about you, he loves and respects u even if u dont respect him or his skills, hes nice cute and above all: i love him . please kiss laurentius he is a nice guy who just wants the best for u..... dont be mean to him.....................

CAPRA DEMON - 3

the highest one that cant kiss back and thats for the capra demons SHEER HORNY ENERGIES. this is a demon you can fuck! thats it i have nothing else to say i just think the capra demon is funny

SOLAIRE - 2

do i seriously have to explain why solaire is so high up. not only is he nice and cares about you, hes handsome, passionate, and just a good fucking person. he is hands down one of the most kissable characters in any souls game ever! fuck yeah! go off you funky little lover boy! 

and finally.

its patches.

[manjuhitorie]

Muro Festival, is a rock festival! Which invites newcomers, upcoming artists, veteran come-on-ers, and all hard song enthusiasts alike to celebrate. Named after Muro Kiyoto, who is the manager of a Shibuya concert venue. As an avid enforcer of music events he’s esteemed by many in the scene, so the event draws in people who are driven by the fuel of that pass. At least bands will comment “Muro fest is an adhesive (Arukara)” or “The number one trait of Murofes is that the performing bands have awesome strong connections even on the side, and that the essence of that friendship engulfs it (Wasure).“ or “Even if Murofest was hosted at a small park or a in the middle of the street or in Muro’s house or even in a public toilet, I would perform. I love Murofest (Mizuno Gii).” 

Anyway the performances are full of power! Full of summer heat! Full of maudlinism to soar like Muninn! Full of a favorite: there’s Hitorie’s dead pan heartfelt bassist, ygarshy! 

And you were able to watch it on a niconico livestream but...

 IT’S ENDED NOW

 I will preserve this post as a report.... Doubling as a source for various trivia....  I’m considering maybe if a fan makes a purchase of a Wasureranneyo album, or something of similar sentiment, and DM’s me a screenshot, I could share the recording... Even if you see this in a billion lightyears from now. Because sharing is caring, all around yeah!!!

You have to get niconico premium to watch it, which is only 540 yen. Nothing compared to the fest’s ticket fee of 10,000 yen (Plus airfare fee for us overseers). You can use foreign debit cards, or even Paypal… ! Much of the performances were locked up, only for Premium members originally even for those who were able to watch real-time, so there’s no regrets in seizing the now. Thumbs up. Live shows enhance a whole different essence, so more than listening to a J-rock playlist on Spotify I’d recommend taking a dive into this while you can!!

Not only can you upfront witness the air around their electric pickguards warp to their technique, you can see them hop and whomp and throwmp around! What chords they clench with their teeth, what lines they unleash from the pit of their lungs, what parts the band will huddle together for and what songs mean the world to them! Also the crowds reactions, I move when I see them move, in polysemy. If there’s any niche J-rock band names you’ve maybe been curious about, or just want to find some new indie J-rock, the artist line-up is here! LAMP ON TERREN: wowawawa’s best buddy ‘Dai-chan’ is in there… *Waves hand* TERREN were once scheduled for a joint live with perfect timing, so they brought a birthday cake for wowaka and they got friendly with Rie... or so they thought.. The next day SND was ready to beat the shit out of them on stage. But they’re all friendly now (I think)))) Arukara: They master the standard rock setup with wads of distortion, wah effects, while sometimes make instrumental songs with violin etc. even! They do podcasts! And they reinforce cats a lot. I recommend Chigirero.  majiko: Village Man’s Store: Who are the band with bright red suits, bright firey songs, and bright red lips who kissed Shinoda that one time - In seriousness I could recommend them though, they’re sweet with only a little taste of the sleazy!  KAKASHI are rejoiced by quite a few Hitorie fans I know. There’s CIVILIAN: A three-piece whom all graduated from the Tokyo School of Music Shibuya, the bonds roam, who also hosts Nanou HoehoeP, another past utaite like majiko. LEGO BIG MORL: Sukippara ni Sake: Who are swanky with Kachāshī-like dances to the stretches of never making a boring song. And so so many more! J-rock band names start to make more less sense the more I’m in here! Wahoo! A band named Hitorie performed two years ago, and there’s LEGO BIG MORL this year, which is hoisted up by the same manager as Hitorie, Mika Arara! The members separately will some participate in cooking shows(), some each do acoustic shows on their own accord, each ego-search, and their stoic songs together are bound to at least make your foot tap from their flavored textures. For this sake I’m eyeing up the band’s particularly memorable whiz named Hiroki Tanaka. Hiroki is not most notable for his #My ygarshy hashtag, but for the sake of this he is. Under the tag is either Hiroki posting a picture of him together with ygarshy or him commenting #My ygarshy on pictures ygarshy of himself with others. Or the “What? Are you a couple?” on ygarshy’s “It’s our 9th year anniversary” photo of him with SND… yg “Sorry.” In general ygarshy and Hiroki are friendly, they drink and vent together time to time.Also Hiroki and Shibata Takahiro, the character who comes in soon, have a unit called Takahiroki. Which is the two of them fused to make flurry, with only an acoustic guitar and a mic as their weapons even!  Their concerts tend to break the norms of the non-flamboyant J-rock scene, as they screw around with their power with no real point, just a joint to a jollity! Where as many J-rock shows will use screens of music visualizers to engross, Takahiroki will use the crowd by galvanizing them raise their signature rainbow towels or make explosive call-outs towards the flames of reality. Where many will use subdued dance to party, Takahiroki will chit-chat about food and females as they swing their limbs like spinning amusement park rides or dress as bartenders and drink . Though all rock shows are have their unique tricks and spirit, it’s nice to see it super shaken up also… I introduce these two for good reason! It’s background for what’s feautured in the niconico livestream! The band Wasureranneyo! That Shibata is on vocals and guitar, that Hiroki is on main guitar, our ygarshy is on bass, and Takayuki Tomita is on drums! Tomita is from a band called THE LOVE NINGEN, whom I’m not sure how came into relation with Shibata, but Wasurerannee yo is constantly borrowing members to fill it’s blanks due to . ygarshy has been consistent for more than half a year now! Hiroki also bounces in whenever he can an ex. Wasurerannee yo member once filled in for Love Ningen. They themselves most likely meet at festivals like this! Where similar bands get together under a sonic medium and spend the crepuscle ball. But I’m going back to ygarshy! Him! His performance is a spotlight!

the important part     THE SHOW    highlights 

Wasureraneeyo start at 1:27:28, end at 1:58:39. You can manually copy-paste, and it’s a whole 30 minutes action-packed. There's about 48 hours before a the single watch instance will expire, but it's possible to close the window and come back anytime between then.

The first 5+ minutes are rehearsal, they’re muted to give the live-goers an extra extra incentive. It’s still worth a peak to see how musicians will stroll as they test. They played their theme song and also a cover of Alexandros’ Wataridori there’s nothing worth hearing anyway right (*wails).

The rest is 100% worth the buck!  ●Shibata starts off by whimpering over an urge he needs to burst out, he needs everybody to cheer him on. When he Says “Miyamoto - Ryou!”, you have to shout “You can do it!” Note: Miyamoto and Ryou are a comedian duo, who just days ago were revealed to the victims of a corrupted corporation, who was holding absolute control over them. People have cheering for them to win better circumstances in the case. Yet the apologies and the press conferences have been fantasy football battles.... Ugh... It's a riot for sure though! Official news reports are here or here or etc. ●He gets everyone to wiggle their arms 90° angles above their heads “like we’ve gone crazy!” and shout a nonsensical “Yossoi hoi hoi!” chant! With the heat as the beat! yga just plays bass! ●He makes noise for his mom, multiple times throughout! His T-shirt even has his mom on it! Specifically a picture of 2 year old himself being embraced by his mother printed on it, with the word “Mother” metallically written on the back… Source from his past diary entry of him expressing his maternal love. I can’t believe this ygarshy no wonder you can’t help but smile a lot during these shows. ●He complains about the shitty time he “went out drinking when he two cute girls walked through the door in, ‘Oh, oh, oh!’ he thought, only for them to start chit-chatting about how small their boyfriend’s dicks are! What kind of damnation is this bullshit!” ●The lyrics are about that stuff anyway!! ●There’s also a special appearance from Kanata Takehiro, the vocalist of LEGO BIG MORL. Shibata bitches at him mid-solo because “Fuck you! All the girls are staring at you now damn it!” *He is actually popular in the band due to being good and cooking and math and being an overall goofball behind the gallantries. The original of Odore Hikikomori features Hiroki and Sekihan, of Happy Head NANIYORI also he was in the niconico scene a long time ago, both dressed in clothes that you may find very unlikely but 100% plausible. ●ygarshy smiles and then recalibrates his hair over his eyes to look like a dark souls boss faceless again. He holds his bass with the neck upwards, he’s reviving his high school orchestra club bass playing sensibility. Virtuoso. The high tempo of Wasureraneeyo’s songs is definitely on par with Hitorie’s, Rie's irregular metres, swapping, interchanging and 456 metres are monstrous, but the sheer volume of tutti and strumming in Wasure’s punk songs seems to be something else as well…! yganbare!! ●Also don’t worry about those missed minutes because Shibata crowd-surfs again. This time with cash in his hand a mission! Saying “I’m glad to be here! Take me to the cute beer darling!”, as he is driven by the hands of the compliantly ecstatic crowd towards a staff member waiting in the middle of the crowd, holding up your average beer! Shibata trades the cash for the cup, he orders everyone to gather under him, “I can’t stand up if you’re pushing my ass! Oh now I can thank you”, and at last he gains the support to stand up! On top of a crowd for God's sake he rises. To glug the beer like a food chain top predator of the wild. Then to slide back to stage while crying for his mom again.

●Hiroki physically shoves ygarshy around while they have the stage to themselves. Ahh how the tables turn, the kicker to the pushee. ●In his black robes ygarshy is just such a trance to witness play throughout… It’s really great in motion and as a whole I love dirty rock concerts. Music has to be heard, my lumberous lumpy text can’t convey those sound waves… So give it a watch if you may have free time to do so! Only if you can please!  Source for comments and some info: https://skream.jp/feature/2019/06/muro_festival_2019.php  More photos and videos can be found on their official twitter! Photos by Suzuki Kouhei woah...

[fgodestinyawakenings]

EOR SE.RA.PH Singularity: Final Act~END

At last the final part of this whole Singularity Chapter 1.5! It’s considered canon in ways but..... Why can’t DW just turn this to an actual main story chapter instead of that coming hell Singularity.... Sure it has about the same reason, but... Nevermind, time to finish this CCC collab

Final Act (1/5)

Inside BB’s studio at last, the final boss of this entire Singularity, or is it? With Tristan’s push, Gudas began their interrogation at BB for answer we’ve been waiting for. Suzuka totally not sorry while she apologize for siding with Gudas after betraying her. Tama Cat began going around on her own to inspect the whole area... Along with Lip, deciding to tell off her stupid mother once and for all

Don’t even fake your surprise when you knew Lip will betray you eventually. Aside from her R18 mouth, we’re starting our fight with her! Obviously we’re fighting until our death since our way in is our way out. And you probably locked it to ensure we get torture to death... So bring it on, AI!

<<NOT SCREENSHOT>>

One beating from Saint Martha later.... Someone looks damn cheerful for getting defeated as a villain. Yeah... And a blackout?! What the? Suzuka, everyone!!

After blocking an ambush... We’re in a place... With all those children inside the casket?! What the hell is going on here?!?!?!?!! This is similar to Chaldea with the coffin but.... So many....

Suzuka instantly realized the children’s magical circuits are what powering SE.RA.PH this whole time. All 128 children used as decoy Masters to summon the Servants. Emiya Alter then shows up.... So it’s finally here we know what Seraphix really is

Final Act (2/5)

The Celestial Body Simulator, System Animusphere aka the Heart of Seraphix..... Young children taken and immediately used by Seraphix and later Zepar to summon all 128 Servants. Children that’s already gone has their body used to power up Seraphix.

Must admit, I’m thankful to Emiya Alter for at least giving these children’s soul to rest in peace after a long suffering. And now that we know.... Emiya Alter corroded by some darkness is coming after the Gudas’s life as they are no longer needed.

While declaring his motive, another voice summarized his motive for us... But.... Robin! You’re alright?! Don’t ask us what the hell happened to Emiya Alter, help us now!! Save your reminsince banter with Lip for later!

After... After beatng Emiya Alter.... He...... He’s still trying to do what’s right........ What the fuck, Mable?! What the fuck are you doing here?!!! Where the hell were you and Arnold!!

What do you mean by that? We don’t even want to fight him in the first place! And Tama Cat? As she realized what’s beneath under Mable’s persona... A member of Tachikawa School of Buddishm? Her? Who is she?! What’s going on, Cat?!

Complying easily to remove her mask... “Mable” then undisguised her to reveal... A Buddhist nun? Wait, you’re the therapist for the church here?!! Kiara then reveals she’s the one who worked with Zepar. But she’s not a Demon God or anything... A human? No... So you say.... You worked together with Zepar.... But You’re..... BEAST III, one of the Seven Evils of Humanity: The Beast of Pleasure!!!!

Final Act (3/5)

Beast.... III.... A Beast..... The third Evil of Humanity....?! Kiara then reveals how she became one in a way... Where our Kiara was another victim of Zepar to be killed instead of CCC Kiara’s history.

So she’s the one Zepar made in contact with but... Because of that, that’s why the whole of Seraphix become a human body. Despite lamenting her pain, someone had one hell of lustful face. Robin managed to snap Guda out from Kiara and questioned if she was the one who summoned BB

Kiara confirmed it with Zepar teaching her of parallel world, eventually knowing CCC’s Kiara herself and the history. Because of what she achieved, the Kiara we know is merged with CCC’s Kiara. So from Lip’s summary, instead of digitizing Seraphix... He used Kiara to give SE.RA.PH a form

While Kiara tried to stop him, she no doubt failed since it was human against a demon god pillar. CCC’s version of Kiara swallowed all of the Sakuraface from Lip’s memory, hence they became sentinel from there. Although Zepar managed to convert Seraphix, Kiara then made use of BB and Gudas to run it.

....... Even saying she’s grateful and giving her gratitude for tryng to save Seraphix, that fake applause isn’t buying anyone here. Suzuka then stepped forward, knowing everything she said so far are lies or half-truth instead.

Demanding she confess, Suzuka asked where’s Zepar current location, how many Servants she swallowed as her body and Seraphix are one. Or... She’s the one who tricked every Master to come here in hopes getting their wishes come true!!

Not even guilty that she killed all the Servants.... Kiara even admits in pleasure of the killings she did on the Masters too. Robin was even surprised that BB never said, while both Suzuka and Gudas shows disgust at what she done. Good saying there, Robin! That’s something we agree no doubt, we definitely cannot let Kiara live this point onward!!

There’s a difference between patient and a sense morality, Gudas may have same or not amount of patience as you... But their sense of morality is completely way different than yours!! Suzuka immediately unleashed her Noble Phantasm at her, along with Tama Cat.

But... What the hell?! As Kiara disappeared, Seraphix hit the seabed... No we’re going all the way to the Earth’s Core?!!?!?! So that’s her plan all along?! Kiara’s voice revealed further of how she’ll use Earth to save all of humanity.... And, the place soon changes to her lair where Kiara’s true form is shown.

Not even thinking of giving up, Tristan’s threat is even useless to her to make her stop SE.RA.PH from sinking further. She merely smirked to say we can easily be defeated since we’re at the palm of her hand...?

...... Nothing really hits her.... And everyone was killed.... Kiara even knows about Goetia. Commenting all he know was destruction, she may still weak but.... And then.... Before Gudas was about to get eaten... BB stepped in to save us?! Immediately reyshifting with Lip’s help away from her lair to....

Final Act (4/5)

Zepar’s inner monologue begins at the start of the chapter. Unlike its comrade, it sees potential in humanity rather than destruction. After choosing Seraphix as it’s considered “unobservable region” from Flauros’s POV, it stayed to recover. Eventually deciding to use our world’s Kiara to hide Chaldea’s detection. A church therapist eventually hated by Seraphix members for her innate kindness.

If it weren’t for his intervention, our Kiara would’ve led a modest but happy life. Though it noticed there’s something more of her, so it acted while Kiara was asleep. And at some point, Kiara eventually agree to allow Zepar to use her body to save everyone.

Manipulating everyone in Seraphix with her help, Zepar even succumbed to human lust at some point of its work. Eventually, things turned around where she manipulated the Demon God. Once Seraphix was converted to SE.RA.PH, Kiara become an indispensable member to them... And the one who started the killing fest between the co-workers.

Wow... Even Demon God eventually got a better sense of morality once it sees the hellish sight it become. Once entered the planetarium... Kiara then have it summoned BB and 128 Servants. At this point, she got it completely wrapped by her fingers and ruled SE.RA.PH.

Kiara then learned more from Zepar about the Demon Gods and their current situation. Zepar then begged once it regretted so much for choosing and corrupting her. That explains the Zepar we met, is now a hollowed body with no soul at all.

Once Zepar disappeared, BB then confront Kiara about this. But the latter merely brushed it off like it’s nothing... Which BB then tempered the files of every personnel death before moving onto the Holy Grail War.

So while waiting for SE.RA.PH to emerge, that’s where they began summoning more Servants to amuse herself.

Final Act (5/5)

Now back to the Gudas, we’re transported into a classroom?! I guess the useless AI is useful for once huh, Robin. Both Melt and Lip are okay as well, phew... Uh, you did nothing so just get to your point of why saving us when you want us dead, stupid AI?

In summary, we all definitely died, even the Gudas too. But BB rewind the time before our death to save and reyshift us away from there. Uh again, not really. Coming from a brainless AI, you’re just more stupid than scary.

As they asked more further about the time, we can go back all the way to the time before Gudas arrived. But, we’re definitely stuck here within Kiara’s grasp. BB then admits she’s more of forced to do Kiara’s bidding than an actual follower.... But Robin got a point in defeating Kiara, since this isn’t Tiamat or Goetia at all.

Wait... We’re fighting half of Beast III aka the R side? Right or aka Rapture... So for this case and a certain one in Proto-type, it comes in pair? So, at this rate, she’ll completely become the Beast III/R like a butterfly coming out from the cocoon.

Using SE.RA.PH to become Beast but still bound to SE.RA.PH.... Hence she and the planet will fuse once she reached Earth’s core. So that’s where KP points come in with BB special items to beat her.

Selfish and stupid AI will always be that way, Robin. Might as well use this time to finish up all the quest we have to defeat her. Yeah yeah, oh useless AI, we’re still going buy from you so spare us of you being hardworking there. 

Later before going off, Melt came looking for the Gudas. The Sakurafaces reveals their own attachment to this classroom... As a fragment memory of a certain girl in CCC always looking at her Senpai. Thanking her that she’s joining us, Melt laughed and brushed off at how weird Gudas are for acting sentimental around her. But to her, we’ll always be her one and only Master once they returned back to their world.

But before Gudas can interrogate her, Melt admit that she hides nothing yet knowing there’s already something wrong within her.... 

Epilogue (1/2)

Buying every single buff+debuff in KP shop for an easier fight.... Kiara greeted us that we returned back to face her. Whether a moth or not, we’re coming here to stop you once and for all. And we heard better threats than your sexual harrassment too, Kiara.

Ouch, nice job Melt! That’s not a burn that can be healed by remove debuff for a long while on hitting her age. And unlike you, Kiara, Melt isn’t as much of nut job as you are despite her tsundere side.

Offering once more for Gudas to join her... They asked why did she become a Beast instead? We are not as crazy despite the amount of insanity the Servants available in Chaldea. Nevertheless, she replied she was envious...? Unfair? Seems like the joy of relishing Zepar’s memories in Solomon Singularity made her feel envy and to desire in feeling the same of countless of heroic spirits killing her.... As such her a mere human, unable to make that dream come true....

Unfortunately for you nut job, stupid AI have them start a killing fest so there’s only a few of us left. Also, it’s completely decided we’re never be able to come to terms with each other. Like Beast who love humanity in a twisted way, Melt described accurately all traits Kiara has. Even Alter Egos like the Sakura five are disgusted of her existence, sans BB for later reason.

In her eyes of her world, Kiara is the only “human” and everyone is nothing but “animals” before her..... Regardless what tragic past you have, Emiya Alter was only doing his job because of what you are. And you’re right, enough of this chit chat... For Emiya Alter... For Chaldea... For the world and humanity... We’ll not worshipped you as a god, but a Beast to be destroyed as an evil Demon! 

Epilogue (2/2)

Excluding her unnecessary comment, the Gudas and everyone dealt a fatal blow against her! But before everything ends, Kiara complimented their effort in fighting her... The area around her is collasping, and she’s dragging us along with it!!

Lip calls for everyone to hold her hands before we got suck in with her. Going down further, Lip also detected Zepar’s true presence from SE.RA.PH itself. Even if Gudas did win this Holy Grail War, the way back home is a trip to Hell first. Once laughing the last laugh, Melt decided to have Gudas used all their Command Seals on Lip and her for a powerful Noble Phantasm blast.

Knowing what it means, the Gudas handed their Command Seal all to them. Once BB got hold the Gudas, she also detected the Demon God’s presence being more and more stronger. Good to know how useless you are since you can’t stop what Kiara is doing at this rate

I’d like to play the song It’s Raining Men changing to it’s raining Demon Gods... That’s not what I’d like to happen here! Suzuka then offered herself to help BB to stop Kiara from spreading Demon Gods all over the sea.

Which as Kiara watched us despairing at what’s about to happen... Melt and Lip have a small talk with each other.... Before unleashing their Noble Phantasm together. A flashback involving Melt actually received a fatal blow from Kiara in the previous battle, getting tortured while Gudas are used as hostage against her, and killed before her.

Both eventually managed to escape with their combined Noble Phantasm, while Kiara earned her victory laugh from their first fight. And also later afterwards of meeting her other self in this world... In order to save Gudas this time, the Melt of the present sacrifice herself so the Melt in the past could save them

One last time... Lip used her Brynhild Romantia as a catapult to launch Melt at Kiara. Melt reminsince her past one last time... And unleash her own Noble Phantasm. Kiara caught off guard eventually panicked while yelling for Melt’s reason knowing she’ll die from this.

Beast III isn’t giving up on her hand by summoning more Demon Gods to catch hold of her body to use as catalyst for more Demon Pillars, stating they were one and the same Spirit Origin. But... Emiya Alter shot Kiara to stop her! He’s still alright for a little while more!!

Pulling Melt away... Emiya Alter made sure Kiara sunk way bottom and broken apart... Destroying her once and for all with one last head shot to end her. Though before death... She eventually decided to resummon herself one day as an Alter Ego, as she and Melt are the same kind of person.

The AI congratulates Guda for beating Beast III/R at last. Everyone else gathered once Gudas awake from that sinking place. When mentioned about Tristan and Melt... A flashblack revealed Tristan pulled Melt up with Emiya Alter’s cable.... But Tristan managed to have Melt save before sacrificing his own life. That’s coming rich from a stupid AI, who throws away all emotion to create those Alter Ego.

And seems like Tristan save Melt because she resemble Isolde... *shrugs* Hope DW can give a rough sketch of what she look like someday. But Melt eventually fades away after using all of her Spirit Origins to fight against Kiara.... After BB recording their irregular existence as a Servant in the Throne of Heroes.

So the Melt we meet will be a new Melt... One that have no memories of us and the CCC event. And a reyshift is here for Gudas! Suzuka went away first with reminding Gudas to text her if they ever want to meet. Tama Cat returns to Chaldea to prepare food for us. Robin went back to throne of Heroes since he got dragged here on a whim

Lip... Part us a farewell, knowing the next time we meet her, it’ll be a Lip that has no memories of us. Lastly the AI... Nah, we don’t show you anything. You still like to insult to the very core. So okay, bye.

Now... Finally back home at last, we’re... Greeted by Da Vinci who don’t remember what happened?! Wait, the past even change so that it’s now dismantled?!!?!?! 

That some reyshifting.... ANd.... Some sassy stupid lost child AI invited herself into Chaldea. Oh yeah, you hate humans so much you must travel all the way 2019 to study our technology. Oh wow, your stupidity has gone no bounds as usual! Yeah yeah, stay all you want, knock yourself out. Just because you stay, we don’t need to entertain you 24/7

Thoughts & Observation:

Aside from the crazy difficulty and grinding, I expect no less from Nasu who written the story himself... And again, aside from the unecessary harem scene of course.

Boss fight, majorly Alter Ego are the pain in the ass. Because 2 years later, their boss is still the same with no Anti-Alter Ego class currently

BB’s fight is hell for now, but at least 2 years later with Emperor mothman,.. It’ll be slightly better

Passionlip:

..... First round is what the hell, especially her AOE NP. And it’s better that’s it’s 3 charge, and first time for NA

Second round, it’s practically before first HP break to break it since she charged her NP fast

David apparently died on that second round... From that insta-death. Her third skill buff missed ignore invincibility.... But that insta-death definitely didn’t miss a shit on David

Though at least final hp bar is scrapping whatever luck I have to make sure insta-death doesn’t work....

Suzuka:

She’s.... She’s surprisingly not that hard. Maybe front two rounds is difficult, especially trying to hit a certain HP with that defense buff.

But her third round, after learning my lesson in JP.... Bring an AOE Archer to kill her and her later Shadow Hijikata on second HP break

Jeanne and Merlin have been my MVP since both are taking turns to pull out wide invincibility against her

Meltryllis:

....... She’s the only one I still refused to look forward in 2 years later

Taunting is one hell to go through. Skill seal + attack down that’s practically RNG based especially if it lands on your support to cast defense against her. And finally her hp recovery down every turn... 

It’s not bad if you can get Merlin’s NP spammable every turn.... Only thing is her fucking crits that outdo your healing

I can still remembering making sure Herc-chan killing her with his brave chain....

But main MVP is Vlad III Extra, surviving long enough with his NP to deal the damage most of the time

BB:

My only problem was because I’m too used to Emperor’s mothman, and looking forward 2 years later to beat her with borrowing as support.... Given if I’m unlucky again to not have him home in NA too

Borrow Martha Ruler, but initially had wanted to go for Amakusa... Because Martha Ruler was taking quite a while to beat the front

Even better... I used Arash to get rid of the front.... But I forgot there’s the guts buff. And neither him or the first wave died....

BB herself on boss fight isn’t hard with taunters around to lure her NP away from Waver and Martha

Emiya Alter

Not as bad as Melt, but I’m still not looking forward to his fight.

I did learn from JP’s experience... So I borrowed Melt with Waver and 3 taunters to fight

Had to make sure the Melt I borrowed had Sakura CE’s MLB so Waver can buff her NP up and she does her brave chain to quickly break away his first HP bar

That was my problem as I realize delaying it will means quicker death for my Servants

So once it breaks... All it left was making sure the taunters takes the damage from the NP while keeping Melt and Waver alive to fight

Kiara aka Beast III/R:

Maybe because it was using Jeanne... Combined with Merlin and Vlad III Extra, that it’s slightly difficult than usual

Especially this is still her NP without the overdue interlude that upgrades her NP to remove her stun

But it’s still not that bad, except some time Kiara tends to crit more often than usual

Fondut au Chocolat CE helps a lot when combine with Vlad’s NP to deal more damage against her

I don’t mind going back to Mash + Merlin setup with BB.... But I’ll try it one more time 2 years later, with Jeanne having her NP upgraded

While Agartha is debatable in how I’m going to go through for that, it’s time to go back to JP for the coming big Raid session!

[makeste]

BnHA Chapter 154: The Inevitable

Previously on BnHA: Even though the previous chapter ended with Deku arriving to punch Overhaul in the face, the majority of the chapter somehow was spent getting up to that moment which we’d already gotten up to! But finally it happened, and Aizawa, Nighteye, and Deku burst onto the scene. Nighteye gave Mirio a big ol’ hug and told him he did so good, and it was one of the few highlights of this arc, and so deserved. Deku and Aizawa went to apprehend Overhaul, but one of Overhaul’s Endless Minions woke up and used his quirk to basically paralyze Aizawa, so that Aizawa in turn was forced to blink and Overhaul was able to reactivate his own quirk. He proceeded to straight up murder his loyal right hand man and fuse their bodies together to form some kind of grotesque monstrosity, but like, it’s not even the good, interesting kind of grotesque. It’s just the same old Overhaul with some extra demon arms that’ve got big claws on ‘em, and now his mask is fused to his face like a demon bird beak as a bonus. Whatever. Nine seven chapters to go.

Today on BnHA: Overhaul revels in his new power-up and taunts Mirio a bit, mostly just to make sure everyone knows that his quirk is gone for good. Nighteye tells Deku to take Mirio and Eri and get them to safety while he holds Overhaul off. He thinks about everything he taught Mirio and how strong he became and how proud he is of him, and that all he wants to do right now is protect him and Eri. As Deku hauls Mirio and Eri away from the carnage, the narration starts talking about how Nighteye spent so much time desperately trying to change the futures he saw, but that it never worked no matter what he did. In spite of this, and in spite of knowing that his actions are merely “drawing out the inevitable”, he continues to fight Overhaul until he is brutally impaled on some more spikes. Enraged, Deku turns back, leaving Eri with Mirio, and activates One for All at 20%.

(As always, all comments not marked with an ETA are my unspoiled reactions from my first readthrough of this chapter. I’ve read up through chapter 185 now, so any ETAs will reflect that. Posting this a few hours early since I won’t be able to later this evening.)

fun fact, Fallen Angels/Jaimini’s Box doesn’t have this chapter translated on their site. in fact they don’t have any chapters translated from 154 all the way until 167. I can only assume they were getting as sick of this shit as I am. can’t even blame them for bailing

so Mangastream, that leaves just you. the brave souls who stuck it out till the bitter end. you guys are the real heroes academia

unfortunately the FA scans were also the cleaner scans, so now we’ll have to deal with these kind of dark, smudgy-looking pages. on the bright side, if you squint you can almost pretend like what’s happening on the page is actually interesting

sorry to rag on you before you even get started, chapter. but let’s not kid ourselves here

so Overhaul says he’s in a bad mood but “this is a little better”

and the text is all “that form... grotesque!” but again, it’s just his normal form with a couple extra demon arms. nothing we haven’t seen from Shouji or Tokoyami. do you guys remember Shouji and Tokoyami. good kids. wonder whatever happened to ‘em

Deku is like clinging to one of the floor spikes and trying to assess the situation

oh?

if Aizawa gets a one-on-one fight with that guy it had better be sick as hell. do NOT fuck around with my Aizawa fight. I will not forgive you

(ETA: does it count as fucking around with my Aizawa fight if we don’t even get an Aizawa fight. given how they probably would have managed to make even that inexplicably bad, it’s probably for the best that we didn’t get this in the end.)

Overhaul is monologuing about how germophobic he is and how this is the first time he’s been pushed to this point

oh shit he’s bringing out the big guns

did Mirio even know that his quirk was gone forever? up until this point he had no reason to assume the effect wouldn’t just be the same as with Tamaki. he really drew the short end of the stick. poor baby

oh here’re the rest of the bullets

-- excuse me, they’re the ones dragging this out?? WHO WAS IT THAT ORDERED HIS SUBORDINATES TO CREATE A NEVERENDING MAZE OF MEDIOCRE SECOND TIER VILLAINS

now he says Mirio has gotten all his friends mixed up in this and that they’re all gonna die

why does he keep taunting Mirio even though he’s already basically out for the count. still sore about how badly he fucked you up huh buddy. you prick

Mirio is all

um, yes way. he was torturing a six-year-old on a regular basis just to make no-quirk juice. he doesn’t even have a deep-seeded reason for it as far as I can see. he’s just in the mob and wants to make money. and even his boss was all “dude I get that you wanna make bank, but that plan is too fucked up even for us.” but he went and did it anyway

so yeah, I don’t know why anyone’s surprised that he’s cool with callously murdering his own subordinates, or why that of all things would somehow be the straw that broke the camel’s back

here comes Deku again!

did he throw that spike at him? nice

he caught it, and it did nothing, but still. nice

he’s grabbing another one! and thinking of Mirio!

stab him in the face Deku. do it for senpai

you know who I miss? fucking Stain. I miss him so much. I’ll never say a word against him again. that’s a lie but my god it’s like how you weirdly appreciate George W. just a little more after dealing with Trump. even though W. was just the worst. still so bad. but like, it gives you a new sense of scale and an understanding that no matter how bad things are, they can always get just a little bit worse

anyway, Deku’s diving in still but Overhaul is creating more spikes, this time from his hands

they’re crumbling upon impact with Deku’s kicks, but he’s thinking that if it weren’t for his iron soles he’d have been done in just now

I’m sorry are those things not impressive? what else do you need? he’s got smarts too, for what it’s worth

what in the

was that another one of his stamps?? Nighteye is such a freak

yep. look at this

take that bitch. I’m gonna sign for you like a package from Fedex

we’re now flashing back to a conversation they had while running in the hallway for those five long hours

“don’t you DARE fucking break your bones again you little punk”

Nighteye’s asking what Overhaul did with Aizawa

oh shit this is the first interesting thing Overhaul has said in ages

(ETA: so what a surprise that absolutely nothing came of it)

yeah, I bet he’s interested. oh shit. so now he’s whisked him off to the “VIP room.” what’s in there, caviar and high-stakes poker tables?

you guys. Nighteye is piiiiiiiiiiiissed

yeah for real. because he used the permabullets even though he only had five of them. I was wondering about that too

now Overhaul is disintegrating his two right arms. what are you playing at now

look how fucking weirdly Nighteye dodges

the hell kind of dodge is this

Overhaul is thinking he’s not particularly fast, but that his movements are similar to Lemillion’s. “so this guy’s the teacher...”

Nighteye’s flashing back to Mirio’s internship when he explained to him that by accumulating experience he would learn how to predict people’s actions and move accordingly

I’m so sorry this asshole took your son’s quirk Nighteye

all right so now Deku’s reached Mirio and Eri and he’s asking if they can move

Mirio’s all “no sweat” ffff

ffffffffffffffffff

baby sweetie honey nooo shhhh. don’t apologize for being sad that he forcibly destroyed a part of you. something that was unique and that you worked so hard to perfect and that was going to lead you toward your dreams. fuck. you’re allowed to be fucking bummed out kiddo. it’s gonna be okay

so Deku’s grabbing them all and he’s kicking open the path that Overhaul just tried to close up again

and now Eri is clutching at him and crying ffffffffffffff

THIS IS NOT OKAY. HORIKOSHI!!! COME THE FUCK ON. WHAT IS THIS

and Mirio’s looking back over his shoulder as they retreat, and he seems to have seen something troubling oh shit

this is all very interesting, but I thought he could only do one person a day? I still don’t fucking get how his power works in combat

(ETA: as the next page clarifies, I guess he used it on Overhaul and that’s how he saw himself and Deku dying at Overhaul’s hands. and this must mean it’s been more than 24 hours since he used it on the babysitter guy. and this is also why it takes him a full day to die afterwards, so that he can live just long enough to look into Mirio’s future one last time. ...fuck me why am I thinking about that noooo)

OH SHIT!?!?

WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT. “THE INEVITABLE”!?!?

WHAT THE FUCK

DID THEY JUST FUCKING KILL NIGHTEYE WHAT THE FUCK

AT THE VERY LEAST WE ALL AGREE HIS ARM IS GONE, YES. STRAIGHT UP NO LONGER GOT A LEFT ARM

HOLY FUCK

AHHHHHHH EVERYTHING JUST SUDDENLY WENT BLACK

AND HIS EYES ARE LIKE

I’M FREAKING OUT!!?!?!?!?!

DEKU’S LOOKING BACK TOWARD THE SCENE AND HE’S TOTALLY BUGEYED

OVERHAUL IS SENDING SPIKES THEIR WAY

HOLY SHIT DEKU!?!?

OH SHIT

DEKU BE CAREFUL OF YOUR LIMBS!! ALSO YOU’RE THE BEST, HOLY FUCKING SHIT

even Overhaul has abruptly stopped his endless spike attacks and is now resorting to cautious trash talk

oh shit

CALL BACK TO THE ALL MIGHT PROPHECY OH SNAPPPPPP

DEKU YOU ARE SO COOL JESUS CHRIST THIS WAS SUCH A COOL MOMENT. I FORGOT THE MANGA COULD DO THAT

WAS IT WORTH 900 CHAPTERS OF BULLSHIT? AND MIRIO LOSING HIS QUIRK? AND NIGHTEYE FUCKING DYING FUCKING JESUS CHRIST? NO

BUT GOD IT’S SOMETHING, AND THAT SOMETHING IS ADMITTEDLY PRETTY COOL

I swear to god if he loses even with this. just...

just remember Deku. Nighteye literally died for this shit. probably. oh my godddddd

no bonus. because I’m pretty sure the next omake is supposed to go with tomorrow’s chapter. it’s really hard to figure this out tbh. but I guess I should be grateful that we even still have translated omakes right now, since even that will come to an end once we hit chapter 167. enjoy it while it lasts I guess

[mindlessselfdeprivation]

The Nothing

It’s just like The Neverending Story. It’s not darkness, it’s not even a hole, because even hole would be something. No, this...this is just nothing.

That’s depression. That’s what true despair is, it’s The Nothing that eats up your everything. It bleaches your life, nothing has any color or flavor or texture anymore. Food sucks, company is annoying, being alone is excruciating and substances exist only as a shit-ass temporary floaty. Recreation means nothing anymore, every desperate action during the day is taken only to distract me from myself for a little bit longer. Sleep will come soon, and in sleep there’s just that sweet fucking nothing. 

Which is what you feel like you constantly have, at any given time. Nothing. The Nothing has it now. And now every memory is covered in spikes, too painful to even go near.

Nothing can make you feel ok anymore, and your good days are the ones where you only brood and lament your life for a few hours out of the day. You know, as opposed to every second you’re awake. 

Those days happen so much more often. I swear to fucking God, some days I feel like the pain inside me is gonna open a fucking hole in the earth. Like I’m no longer going to be able to keep this horrible monster at bay anymore, and the scream that finally peals out of me will shred my lungs and crack open an abyss that swallows me once and for all. 

I fear for anyone that might be around when that bomb goes off. Which is another problem. Although I’m desperate to be seen and heard and known and loved, I’m fucking terrified of getting near anyone ever again, it seems like an absurd idea to even say it out loud. I’m a goddamned hurricane, I’m a fucking natural disaster on legs, an extinction level event taken human form. All of my relationships....it’s just a festering sewage basin, that whole area of my life. Everything there, flies and pestilence, disease and rot. 

That’s my heart in there too. Fucking rotten, like an old forgotten tree stump wasting away in a swamp somewhere in whogivesafuck. Thinking on it, can I even love anymore? Do I even know what that is anymore? 

An older woman I work with asked me for a hug the other day cause she was a little sad, thinking about her brother that died...and I was happy to oblige, she’s the sweetest little thing. And I realized - holy shit, this is the first real hug I’ve had in an entire year. I’ve hardly touched anyone for ten months outside of a handshake or a friendly bro-hug. 

And afterwards she thanked me and said I gave great hugs, and it dawned on me...I remembered being a guy who loved hugs, remembered a guy that was very romantic and affectionate, that insisted on using physical touch to remind those around him that he loved them dearly....then I looked over from that guy to the one that’s in there now. What a shadow, what a husk he’s become. Empty and hollow and discarded. A lost soul...an inevitable consequence of The Nothing.

The worst thing? I mean, if there is a blacker black than all the rest...

The Apathy. That’s what The Nothing shits out and leaves behind for you. You just don’t....fucking....care...anymore.

I used to have passion, play music, learn language or just about any damn thing else (I was always such a junkie for knowledge), write stories or poetry or music or any one of a dozen other things that enjoyed. And I don’t even write this out of sadness or with some sense of self pity, this is just a cold, apathetic recall of facts. There was a guy who knew love and there’s the guy sitting there now. And those are simply two different guys. And the insurance adjuster in me is fairly certain that at this level of damage, it’ll cost more to repair the existing vehicle than it would to just buy a new one.

I don’t have any real relationships anymore. I have the ones that are necessary to maintain normal social function, but even those I put in just enough to get buy and no more. I’ve lost too much and hurt too deeply and hurt others far too much to let anyone close anymore. It’s hard to describe how it feels to look around you and realize you’re standing alone, no one around. 

The only times I hear from someone is when they need something from me. I’m like a tool for rent. Why buy this thing when I only ever need to use it once in a blue moon?

Family? No, two sisters and two brothers in law that I don’t know anymore and they definitely don’t know me. A mom that taught me to use people like pawns and a dad so devoid of emotion and connection that it’s impossible to communicate, a daughter I never see or speak to anymore and an ex that swore we’d remain amicable for the sake of our daughter but slowly, methodically, and fucking brilliantly shut me out of her life completely...and my daughter with her by extension. Friends? No one there that knows me either, just people I talk to on occasion to spend a little bit of my distraction time with someone else.

But no one around me knows this. I put on a pretty decent mask I suppose, my boss apparently thought I was a really happy guy and married with kids. Ha. Cool, it’s working. I’ve gotten good at camouflage. It’s just another form of lying, and I’m incredibly good at lying. 

Talking about it, is like...what’s the fucking point? This is a tar pit, baby. I’m not bringing anyone else in this. Even if you were standing right next to me with a brilliant torch, this darkness, this Nothing around me is far too thick to see it. 

I miss writing though, maybe that’s why I’m finally doing this. Putting something down. I’m going to commit to talking to this fucking thing everyday. No one knows me here, I barely use this website. I only ever got onto it for....well, another person who eventually left. Maybe that’s why I feel I can be ok here, being naked and bleeding and fucked up and real.....no one who knows me by my mask will have to know what lives underneath it. This is my tree of trust.

I don’t want this to just be a dumping ground for depressed Emo bullshit though, I can go listen to Dashboard Confessionals while cutting myself if I wanted to go there. What I want is a true exploration and record of The Nothing as it grows stronger, what it’s taking, what fuels it, can I escape. I don’t want help either, I don’t think there is any such thing (see tar pit reference above). Maybe you’re always alone too, maybe you’re also constantly afraid that the house of cards will get blown down and people will see the real ugly inside. 

Maybe this is just me yelling into the wind that you’re alone, but not so alone. Maybe all of us are and none of us. Maybe I don’t know what to believe anymore.

I’ve tried to remember it, you know. Happiness. I’ve tried to find that motherfucker like Sherlock and his dear Watson, complete with cocaine and violins. You ever try to think of a nice warm fire while you’re soaking wet and freezing your balls off? And how’d that work out for ya? Same idea - “Just think happy thoughts” is like telling someone that just fell into arctic waters that they should “Just think of a nice warm fire”.

Hopefully, they’re still giving you the finger when their body gets frozen in place. It’d be a bit of justice, if there is such a thing.

That happiness is like the thought of a warm blanket when I’m currently buried in snow. Doesn’t actually exist.

There’s not a day where I don’t wake up wishing to fuck that I hadn’t. And there isn’t a night that I go to sleep that I don’t pray that I won’t wake up this time. Life has become a grueling marathon of pain and most days I have trouble figuring out why I fucking bother. 

Even as I’m writing this, I’m constantly stopping to wonder what’s the fucking point. 

I’ve gone on dating apps, funny enough. But every time I actually think about having a connection with someone, it honestly freaks me the fuck out. I’m so fucking damaged, there’s just no fucking way I’ll find someone with a back strong enough to help me carry all this baggage. I freak out and delete the account.

It’s completely not about the sex for me, if you can believe it. I’ve got such a low libido recently that even the idea of it lately gives me paralyzing anxiety. I don’t want to have sex if it’s not with someone I have a good intellectual connection with, and I never have. The problem with that is that sex in my mind is held on this strange pedestal where it straddles the line between sacred entity and foul beast, and it’s gotten so complicated and ridiculous that I just don’t care anymore. 

There isn’t anything even tempting or alluring about sex anymore. Even masturbation is almost completely without enjoyment, used every so often as a tool for general upkeep. And even this The Nothing has it’s hands on. The other day, I stumbled on a video that looked almost exactly like my child’s mother with another man...and I got physically ill. After throwing up 3 times and shaking for nearly an hour, I slowly pulled myself back from the panic attack I was having.

I didn’t eat for 3 days and I couldn’t get another erection for more than a week. Suppose it’s safe to say I’m still in love with that woman, I guess. Not only did I feel like absolute shit that whole week, I felt like shit for feeling like shit. My Yin and my Yang were both very very pissed off. This is just one of a number of broken fuses and faulty wires inside this broken machine.

Sometimes I wish we had the ability to do a form of Vulcan Min-meld, but with emotions and empathy. Especially when someone asks what’s wrong. Just grab their hand and rest it gently over my heart and let it tell the story for which I’ll never have the words. 

That’s also why I’d be scared like hell if that were possible, I’d be afraid the weight of it would crush them. I’m not trying to be really morose or hyperbolic, I’m fairly certain the vast majority of people walking around out there don’t carry this. I’ve talked to them, I know them. When you’ve spent a fucking lifetime perfecting your camouflage and your tower of lies, you can spot someone else playing that game from a mile away. And I’m not saying everyone else out there is skipping through a magic pixie lolly-pop fairyland or anything, but most people out there are general pretty stoked about being alive and doing stuff. People like me are out there, but I don’t see very many people that are under the spell of The Nothing.

I fucking hope not, this is an existence I wouldn’t wish on anyone, friend or foe. On that note, I also hope you aren’t going through that as well if you’re reading this right now. If you’ve never counted the different ways you could choose to end your life instead of counting sheep to fall asleep at night, you are truly blessed. 

I hope you stay whole. And with whatever capacity I’m still capable of feeling it, I love you. Cause maybe you don’t hear it that often either, and for that I’m sorry. I’d rather go without food than love, and I’ve been in both spots before.

I hope The Nothing never finds you.

Until next time.