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spencerreidscoffeecup · 3 years

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Chapter 5 | Beautifully Broken

TW: Self-harm, mentions of parental death, mentions of ab*se (from father), suicidal, depression, anxiety attack, (almost) an overdose on antidepressants, emetophobia (fear of v*miting if you don't know the technical term), cutting, s*icidal phone call

If you think any of this will bother you, I will write a short summary on the next chapter of this chapter so you can skip over this one!

Y/N's POV

"Thanks for the party, Spencer. I'm sorry."

I close his car door, taking a deep breath, the early morning air causing the hairs on the back of my neck to spike up. I feel terrible for how I acted to Spencer. He was just trying to help- but I couldn't bring him into my mess. I loved him too much to do that.

I walked inside, too emotionally exhausted to cry. I felt alone again, and that somewhat inexplicable feeling of wanting to control something in my life, besides what I consumed resurfaced. I set my things down, and walked to the bathroom. It was weird. I felt like I was in this dreamy state, like this wasn't happening--like I was numbed in the mind and being controlled by a greater force than me as if I was a marionette. I felt calm. Weirdly calm. As I entered my bathroom, I took the sharp, lustrous silver blade out of my bottom drawer.. Inserting it deep into my skin until I felt small relief. I looked in the mirror, the pain searing through my arm, my face stoic. I didn't even recognize myself.

I wished I could talk to someone, anyone. It wasn't that I didn't have people to talk to-because I did. I knew Spencer would listen to me if I wanted to talk to him.. But it wasn't about people listening or not listening to me. It was about me using this blade to cope with my problems instead of me growing a pair and talking to someone.

All the same, I never did anything about it, instead letting my problems eat me away. When I was younger and harming myself without exactly knowing what I was doing, my mom used euphemism to explain to me that what I was doing was unhealthy, so I wouldn't feel like I was a lunatic for scratching myself on purpose at seven years old because I thought I deserved it.

My mother was the only thing that kept me from taking my own life. I was not only dealing with depression and anxiety by the time I was in second grade; but was also dealing with physical and mental abuse from my father. I honestly had no idea how someone as kind and caring as my mother could be with someone so monstrous as my father. She was too sick to do anything about it, so I just took whatever my father gave me.

After my mother died and my father was made to look after me, he began hitting me more. One day, I decided I had had enough and left in the middle of the night. I took his money, and bought myself an apartment three hours from where we lived. I was only eighteen at the time and so I immediately was stressed out with how I was going to pay my bills and taxes, as well. So I then got six part-time jobs. I did online school, and graduated college at twenty. School was my only escape from my life, so I finished the courses quickly, as I was not only passionate about being in the BAU (it was always my dream-job), but I also loved the feeling of accomplishing things. I graduated early and top of my class. I joined the BAU three years later.

As you could probably tell, I was extremely busy. This was a good excuse for me to 'forget' to eat. I had always dealt with body dysmorphic issues, but my father made it worse, calling me ugly and obese all the time. I was nowhere near obese. I was 5'3 and 105 pounds. But because I was so insecure, I began to stop eating on purpose. I went on two-hour runs everyday and only drank water and ate ice-cubes and celery.

I try talking to people about it, but they either feel sympathy then leave, or instantly shut me down, telling me I am stupid for thinking that way. That's why it's so hard to talk to someone, even someone so close to me like Spencer. I knew he cared, and deep down I knew that he wouldn't leave, but my anxiety fogged away any chances I had at being reasonable. Therefore leading me to believe I would have to bottle up these feelings alone. I lie in my bed, closing my eyes so I can drift into a slumber to forget about everything for a few hours. I am alone.

Spencer's POV

8:00 a.m., Monday (2 days after the party)

The shriek of my alarm wakes me up, the sound setting off every nerve in my body. I quickly get ready, then head to the office. Memories of Friday night start to flood my brain, as guilt and anxiety create a hazy fog over the images. Had I done something wrong by trying to help Y/n? No, I couldn't have... she needs help and sometimes people have a hard time with confrontation, I knew that- I knew that from personal experiences.

I texted and called her about five times each, trying to make sure she was okay, but she had never returned my texts or calls, she only read my texts. I had been debating going over to her apartment and seeing her, but I decided against it. I had to talk to her today.

I get ready then drive to the BAU, nervously tapping my hand on the steering wheel. I arrive a few minutes early, and walk inside. The bullpen is quiet but busy. I look around, no Y/n to be seen.. Just Derek and a fresh stack of paperwork sitting on my desk, awaiting my arrival. "It's fine," I think, "she's probably just late. I also arrived two minutes earlier than usual so she is going to probably be here any minute." I try to convince myself but I just have this twisting sensation in my gut, as if something is wrong. I brush it off to be a guilty conscious or anxiety, and continue on with my paperwork.

Y/N's POV

2 days after the party, 8:00 am

I woke up this morning, from my alarm chiming in my ears. I can't go to work today. I can't. So I text Hotch:

From Y/n to Boss-Man:

Hey Hotch. I unfortunately cannot come into work today as there is a family emergency.

I know he knows that I have no family members left, but maybe he'll think it's a friend that's almost like my family,- emergency.

From Boss-Man to Y/n:

Okay, don't worry about it. There isn't much paperwork to be done today so you can just get it done tomorrow or Wednesday... Whenever you get to it. Take care, and let me know if you need anything

From Y/n to Boss-Man:

Will do. Thank you so much. :)

Hotch sends a thumbs-up back and I set my phone down, fidgeting with my fingers. I think of Spencer.. How he has called and texted me but I haven't replied back. I feel like shit. I just couldn't bring him into this mess with me. I walk to my kitchen, grabbing some water, and my medications. I take them, then look back down at the bottle. If I wanted to end it all I could. I walk away and sit on my couch. I can't do this anymore.

I lie down, and fall asleep for a few hours.

Spencer's POV

The day is almost over and there is no sign of the beautifully broken angel. My heart sinks a bit and I just can't get rid of that nervous feeling in my stomach. I finish my paperwork, turning it into Hotch before I ask him,

"Do you know where Y/n is?"

"She said she needed time off for a 'family emergency'." he says honestly.

She told me that she doesn't have any family members around, a few months ago. She never explained why, but she seemed touchy about the subject so I never pushed it any further.

I gather my things and leave to go to my apartment.

In the middle of driving home, I hear my phone buzz. I ignore it, not wanting to be distracted from driving. But the buzzing is consistent, distracting me already from driving. So, I cautiously pick my phone up to see Y/n's number flash across my screen. I almost crash my car into the other car in front of me, my heart skipping nervously. I answer.

"Spencer," I hear sobs breaking from her throat, tearing my heart apart. "I-I did something really stupid."

Y/N's POV

I woke from my slumber, the purple skies filling my vision as the night air from my open windows seeps into my apartment. I hear a buzz from my phone.

Boss-Man to Y/n:

Hello, I hope all is well. I tried to call you, but you didn't answer. I have some bad news. We believe your father is trying to track you down to find you. Try not to worry too much, we have you secured and locked down. Call me as soon as you can so I can give you more info.

I feel my throat close up, bile rising in my throat. I thought I was safe. I moved two cities down from where I used to live. My panic sets in as I begin to hyperventilate.

"No no no.. this cannot be happening right now." I whisper to myself, tears pouring out of my eyes. I hear my phone buzz some more, but I am too distracted to read any of it. I want to go away and never come back.

I rush to the bathroom, grabbing that metal blade and dragging it slowly across my skin. It didn't work. I didn't feel relief. I scream angrily, rushing to the kitchen. I want this to be over. I don't want to die. I just want the pain to stop.

With shaky hands I grasp my antidepressant prescription bottle. Taking a handful of them and washing them down with water as I wince, some scraping the back of my dry throat. I feel like I'm watching myself from a third-person point of view. I can't stop thinking of one thing-one person, as I fully swallow those pills. Spencer. I need him. I need to call him. So without thinking, I grab my phone, ignoring the missed calls and texts from Hotch. I quickly dial Spencer's number, as wrecking sobs break from my voice.

Spencer's POV:

"Spencer," I hear sobs breaking from her throat, tearing my heart apart. "I-I did something really stupid."

"What did you do?" I ask, keeping my voice soft.

"I can't do this anymore- I couldn't do this anymore. I'm sorry. I tried to cope with it but I can't anymore. I wanna go away. He's back." she chokes through her sobs, breathing heavily.

I try to compose myself, to not freak her out. Truth be told, I'm completely and utterly terrified.

"W-Who's back?" I stutter, "what happened, Angel?" I ask, trying to hold back my own sobs as tears fall down my cheeks. Who is she talking about?

"I was trying to get better, I'm sorry. I-I love you. I always have." she cries, gasping for air.

My heart hurts but swells at the admittance. I want to say that I love her too, but I can't. All that comes out of my mouth is,

"I'm coming over there." I turn my car around to head to her direction.

I try to talk to her, to ask her what's wrong, but she never answers my questions, only saying that she's sorry. She hangs up, and I panic more. I arrive at her place, running up to her apartment, as I open the door with the spare key she gave me.

Running in, I see her on the floor, lying there like a broken angel, unconscious. I see the pill bottles and my heart drops down to my stomach. It felt like a blur; me running over to her, and putting her in a bathtub with water, letting her lay on me as we both get soaked under her shower head. I take my two fingers and plunge them deeply into her throat, cringing slightly. A few moments go by and I hear coughing and gagging, throwing up the pills and bile that was left in her throat. She gasps for air, clutching on to my hand as I continue to comfort her, by rubbing her back and brushing her hair out of her face. She turns to me and cries.

"I-I'm sorry," she says through sobs.

"Shh, it's okay, it's okay," I softly say to her as she wraps me in one of her hugs. "You're going to be okay... I'm gonna help you- we'll get through this together." I use my free hand to turn off the water and we just lie there, cuddling. I kiss the top of her head, as she sniffles into my shirt. Tears sting my eyes, but I need to be strong.

"I'm proud of you," I whisper to her.

"Why?" she whispers back, grasping my body to pull me closer to her.

"Because you called me." I say.

After about ten more minutes of us sitting in her tub, I gently help her out of the water, giving her a towel, and some warm clothes. She keeps the bathroom door cracked open slightly as she changes. I then change and walk to her bedroom where she is.

"C-can you stay the night? Like sleep in the bed with me, please. I want someone here with me." she stutters nervously.

"Of course," I reply softly.

I get into the bed with her as she pulls me closer to her body. I kiss her forehead and she lies down on my chest.

"Thank you, Spencer." she whispers before falling into her own quiet slumber.

"I would do anything for you." I whisper back, not really meaning for her to hear it, but she looks up at me and smiles softly, that beautiful smile of hers. I take my thumb and gently caress her cheek with it. My cheeks burn a light pink but I am sure she can't see it as it is dark in her room, besides the white glowing moon casting a shiny glow on to her, making her look like a fairy.

As I drift off to sleep, I am reminded of what she said earlier... about her loving me.

'I love you too, Y/n', I think to myself. 'I always will.'

___________________________________________________________________________

AN: SAD. SAD. SAD. this chapter is very sad, I know, but I promise that it will get happier (there is a happy ending!!! i love happy endings!)

love you all!

Suicide Prevention Hotline: 800-273-8255

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russian-romanova · 4 years

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sunday

title: sunday

pairing: joe goldberg

warnings: spoilers through season one of ‘you’. adult language. mentions of death, stalking and sexual content. mature themes explored by and mentioned in ‘you’. JOE IS NOT A GOOD GUY, HE’S JUST HOT.

notes: i have no idea what this is. word vomit. joe’s point of view because i’m dumb and edgy like that. why do i like this character so much whyyyyyyyyyy

summary: you just have to make it through the week, because come sunday you have the whole day off to spend relaxing with your boyfriend. at least, that’s what you have planned.

+ + +

MONDAY.

You are incredibly smart. That goes without saying. I watch you read books, devour them from front to cover before other people would even decide to begin them. You’re willing to try new things because the first two times you came into Mooney’s you wandered for close to an hour. You came in not knowing what you wanted but left with anything you could possibly be interested in.

That was two months ago.

You’re a regular visitor now because we’re an item. Dating. In a relationship. I never know what to say, but neither do you since I’ve heard them all in descriptions of your friends. It doesn’t even matter, anyway, because you smile to your friends no matter what you call us. I never know if I’m doing this right Y/N, but with you I’m positive. You’re happier than I’ve ever seen you.

You’re here at Mooney’s now, talking to me as we eat lunch together. We’re both sitting behind the counter on stools, the flow of people slow for now. It’s always like this around this time of day, and we’re both plenty familiar with that by now. Every so often some asshole comes in looking for a Tolstoy they can stare at for years or some autobiography they’ll only skim through, but besides that, it’s just us.

“Okay, okay,” You’re laughing and waving your hand about the answer you just gave. We’ve been doing this a lot, asking each other pointless questions like this to simply know the answers. For you, plenty of these questions lead to these marvelous stories. It’s as if you want me to know everything about you so easily. “Okay, you see a pothole in the road ahead, do you swerve or straddle?”

I’m not sure about my answer, but that doesn’t matter anymore. I can tell what you want me to say. “Straddle,” My voice comes out a little above a whisper.

“Oh really?” You respond back in a voice that’s even quieter, biting your lip without even realizing it. “Me too. Crazy.”

“Crazy,” I repeat, and my mouth is already pulling into a smile. You lean forward and kiss me once -- eagerly -- then pull back to look at me before we kiss again, slower this time. I want you here, and I know you want me too, but we also have some normal human decency and know when the bell rings to stop kissing quickly. The man who wandered in didn’t seem to notice the two of us at first, too absorbed in his fucking phone.

“Hello!” He speaks up when he notices us. “Can you point me to where Marcus Zuzak would be?”

You smile. “Over there, under fiction. Near the end, because it’s by last name.” You lean over the counter ever so slightly to point him in the correct direction. He’s lucky you volunteered to help him because I doubt I would have been so polite.

“Oh, of course. Thank you, dear.” The elderly man nods and moves in the direction of your pointed finger. You smile at him for a moment longer before you turn back around, grinning.

“Wow, I might just take your job.” You joke, moving back up to sit on your stool. I had secretly hoped you would return to kissing me, but I knew deep down that wasn’t a likely possibility.

“Yeah, do you want the apron?” I pull at the apron. “You can have the apron.”

“Yeah, apron and nametag. I’m changing my name to Joe now.” You continued, before softly laughing and transitioning the conversation into silence. You look at me again, but it’s a much different look than last time. It’s not the heavily passionate look that I got over questions and sandwiches, this is a much more caring look. A loving look. “Hey, it’s been a while since we had a date night.”

I want to return the look you give me, and I hope I am. I hope you understand I love you as much as you love me, Y/N. “Yeah, you’re right. Hey, we should plan one.”

“Okay,” You nodded once, slowly as you plunged through your invisible mental calendar. “Are you free Sunday?”

For you, Y/N, I’m free any day. “Yeah, I think Sunday should work out. Seven?”

You nod once more, kicking your legs. “Okay, seven on Sunday it is.”

I want to reply, but the man returns with a book that is certainly not Zuzak, but I’m not one to say anything.

“Ready to check out?” I ask him, but you hop up before I can move forward.

“Here, I can help you. My name is Joe,” You joke, and the poor old man nods his head. “Looks like a good book.”

TUESDAY.

I’m not supposed to be at your apartment, which I suppose is part of the reason my heart rate spikes when the doorbell rings. I have been trying to get away from this, from the pointless apartment lurking, but I couldn’t resist today. I missed you, Y/N.

For a second, I think the doorbell might be you come to pick up something you’ve forgotten, but then I realize you wouldn’t be ringing the doorbell. It buzzes again and is now followed by a series of pounding knocks. “Hey, Y/N, are you in there?” A man’s voice comes through into the apartment. “C’mon, it’s Arthur. Let me in.”

Arthur.

He sounds vaguely desperate, his voice tinged with a whine. How could you ever have loved this man, Y/N? He’s like some distressed puppy dog who found his way home after being left on the side of the road. He says some word pleas, but I’m already turning over possible ways this could go down in my head.

“Listen, I know that you probably hate me,” Arthur speaks again. You’re right; I’m sure you do. “But I just want to talk to you. I need to apologize. I’m sorry.” He sounds genuine.

I open the door, and Arthur looks stunned. “Shit, is this the wrong apartment? Sorry, I’m looking for Y-”

“Y/N. I know.” I put on a fake smile. This is polite Joe, boyfriend Joe. This is the Joe that you know, Y/N. “She’s not home right now, actually.”

“Oh,” Arthur’s face turns red.

“I’m Joe,” I stick out my hand. “Y/N’s boyfriend.” I almost smile at the words.

He takes my hand and shakes it, although his mind is clearly elsewhere. “I’m Arthur. Bishop.”

Jesus, Arthur Bishop? What kind of a name is Arthur Bishop? “I heard.” I’m still smiling, although it’s uncomfortable now. He’s ignoring me, and I know his thoughts are on you. “Did you need me to pass along a message?” I push, trying to get answers. I need to know if Arthur is a threat to you, Y/N, a threat to us.

“Yeah, um, I haven’t seen Y/N in two years, actually. But we used to date-” I could see him remember who he was talking to. “It was a long time ago.” He added.

“Yeah, I think she’s mentioned you.” I lied. Do you wanna come in?”

When Arthur says yes, I really begin to doubt what you see in him. Is he stupid? Arthur has no idea who I really am, no proof that I’m your boyfriend or that I can be trusted. If he had been at least a little doubtful, I would have at least respected that. I almost feel bad for him, Y/N.

An ex-boyfriend. Here we are, two of the people who you have loved in your apartment without your knowledge. He makes himself at home very quickly; without even taking off his shoes. He’s jittery, unfocused. His legs bounce up and down as he sits on your couch, and I’m suddenly self-conscious for you, Y/N, because of all the clothes you had strewn around. I walk towards the kitchen and kick a bra under the couch.

“So, what did you say the deal was between you and Y/N?” I ask, moving towards the counter.

Arthur hesitates for a moment. Never a good sign. “Is there a bathroom I could use?”

No, dipshit, no bathrooms here. “Yeah, just down the hall. You okay?”

He nods, clearly lying. “Yeah. Yeah, I’ll be right back.” He moves quickly, but once I hear the bathroom door close I move twice as fast. The bathroom, Arthur? Do you think I’m dumb? On second thought, are you dumb?

I know where your medicine cabinet is, and I know where the prescription sleeping pills you keep are. My fingers grasp the small bottle and I shake a few out onto my palm -- not so many that you’ll notice they’re gone, but enough to take care of Arthur in the other room.

I move silently back to the kitchen, pulling one of your knives from the display. At least your counter is clean enough that I can put the pills down directly and crush them with the knife. One, two, three presses and I’ve deemed them powdered enough to brush into my hand and shake into a glass of water.

I hope you’re thirsty, Arthur.

WEDNESDAY.

The cage is no longer empty, which is always a strange feeling. And Arthur is so quiet I practically forget he’s down there.

I wonder a little if I overreacted with Arthur. If I should have just stayed put and pretended no one was home or let him come in and leave on his own time. But deep down, Y/N, I knew that he was a risk. I didn’t even have to know what this guy wanted and I could tell, from the way he spoke about you that he wanted to get in the way of us. And God, we’ve been so perfect together that I couldn’t fathom letting someone take you away from me.

He was out for a while, and I worried I maybe overcompensated with the sleeping pills and his insides were slowly shutting down. If I had known your shifty ex-boyfriend was going to show up I would have maybe done my research a little better, but things like this never seem to want to pencil in a date on the calendar.

The second time I check on him during the workday, he’s awake. Quiet and confused, but awake. He asks the usual -- where he was, why he was there, if you had something to do with it. And I’m at least polite, Y/N. I answer his questions to the best of my ability and all he does is swear and yell at me. After a while, I think he realized that I wouldn’t be telling him this stuff with the intent of letting him go, which quieted him down. Which is not to say I don’t want to let him out.

“Listen, I didn’t do anything wrong. Please. Man, if you want me gone I’ll leave. I’ll leave to where ever the fuck you want me to go. Just let me out.”

Even his pleading is in a soft voice. I wonder if he was a good boyfriend or the annoying, man bun and kale type you seem to have been interested in before. “You just need to wait a while, Arthur. Have patience, it’s a good quality.” But even my sound reasoning doesn’t persuade him.

He’s quiet the next few times I come down, but he takes the fast-food bag I pass him and he eats, which is good at least. I considered asking him about you, but I decided that if he was comfortable and quiet now, it was probably better to keep it that way. Besides, you sent me a text asking if I wanted to come over and watch ‘Friends’ with you. It wasn’t the show I was excited for at all, but the idea of you, and the idea that you thought of me when you were flipping through the channels.

I give Arthur his supper and then I’m off to you, Y/N. You open your door for me in sweatpants and a baggy t-shirt, and I swear you’ve never looked so beautiful. You smile at me and I come inside the apartment I know you cleaned especially for me and you direct me to the couch, where we settle down and you turn up the volume.

“I hope you weren’t busy or anything,” You mention offhandedly during the third episode. “I don’t know, I just know you don’t watch a lot of TV but Friends is classic and I thought you might want to-”

“No, no, no, you’re good. I love it. I love Friends.” I lie, gesturing to the screen.

You look at me and I know you’ve read right through my little lie. “Do you know?”

I pause. “No. But I love it now!”

“Sure, Joe,” You laugh before turning back to the screen and moving closer to me. We’re pressed together like we’ve known each other for years. And we may as well have, Y/N.

THURSDAY.

I wake up Thursday morning, and you’re already gone. A glance at the clock -- which reads 9:51 -- explains to me that you’re already at work. A note you left me on the table reflects this thought, and I know that neither of us expected me to stay the night. I’m happy to be welcome here in the morning, and I pocket the note before sitting back to breathe it in.

I love the way your apartment is decorated because it reminds me so much of you. It reflects your personality, from the way things are carefully placed to the way you so desperately want things to appear thrown into a particular spot. Even alone in your apartment, Y/N, you’re trying too hard.

Last night was perfect, and I think my mind is clearer now. I know what I have known in the back of my mind for days, that Arthur needs to be taken care of. Nothing gruesome or excruciatingly painful, he’s been good enough. I almost hate to do it, but if he sticks around things are bound to go wrong for us. Please realize that I’m doing this all for us, Y/N.

FRIDAY.

I have learned from my mistakes. I allow Arthur -- or what’s left of him now -- to wait for me overnight but come Friday I know the body needs to be taken care of.

Ethan is too gullible and I tell him I need to close early to do some inspections of Mooney’s. At first, he asks some questions, but I tell him only simple answers and he eventually leaves. The day as a whole is normal but seems to drag on as the same type of men and women come in to buy the same books, or walk around and leave. The only half-hour that breezes by is our lunch together, where we sit in the same area as always and laugh and each and hope that time will freeze.

I manage to slip into the conversation a small asking about ex-boyfriends, and you spill the beans on Marcus and Dwayne and Roosevelt, all of whom I know have long since moved on, before you bring up Arthur.

“We dated for a year, I guess. But then he told me that he had some other life offers to pursue in Nepal -- whatever that means -- and we broke up and he left.” It doesn’t seem to mean lots to you, as you shrug and eat forkfuls of salad. “Then I met this really nice guy at a little coffee shop in New York and his name was Joe, and he worked at a bookstore, and we ate lunch together and have a date on Sunday.”

“Wow, Joe sounds like a great guy. Looks like I’ve got competition.”

You laughed, the beautiful laugh that I know you try to keep in your mouth but it just bubbles out, and you lean over and bring your hand up to hide it. I have never understood why Y/N. Your laugh is beautiful, but it’s impossible to bring that up without sounding creepy.

But you leave eventually, sooner than you should have to, and I’m left alone again. It returns to the same boring routine, and the closing time comes after a hundred years. Ethan leaves with a wave and a farewell, but I’m already right behind him as I moved to flip the open sign.

The basement has begun to reek of death. It only gets stronger as I push open the doors to the cage, allowing the smell to come out as I enter in. Arthur has already texted a few of his friends -- douchebags, by the sounds of it -- to tell them that he’s returning to Nepal. He missed it, and he misses the feeling it brought him and his idiot friends seem to accept it. I plan to bag him up -- which is more than vile and I can’t count how many times I throw up or gag -- and bury him in the woods, where the trees are thick and the dead leaves from several years have built up and no one will look.

The gloves are the smartest choice I’ve ever made. There are things getting on them that I can’t identify and don’t want to be identified. He’s already in the bag -- deep and black, hopefully sturdy -- and I’m on the clean-up phase when I’m startled.

“Joe?” I hear your voice. Fuck, tell me I’m going crazy. How the fuck do I hear your voice through all of this, unless…

I spin around to face you. It hits me almost instantly-- I didn’t lock the door. How the fuck could I forget to lock the door? Shit, one mistake and now… now this, Y/N.

Unsurprisingly, you’re stunned. Eyes soaking in everything that they can, your hands already shaking. “Y/N,” I begin, but you don’t give me a chance to talk. A chance to explain myself to you.

“What the fuck, Joe?” You ask, and I know you’re hoping for some logical explanation to pour out of my mouth. And, Y/N, believe me when I say that I wish I had one, at the very least in the form of a crafted lie. “What the actual fuck is this?”

You want to run, but you also want this to all be a misunderstanding, so you stand there, frozen. I look at you, hoping that you’ll look into my eyes and remember how much we love each other, how perfect we are for each other. I hope you’ll forgive me and you’ll throw your arms around me instead, and you’ll know it was all a misunderstanding. You’ll love me no matter what, and we’ll get the happily ever after that you read in your books and crave so much.

I see you look once more from me to the bag containing Arthur. Your breathing quickens again, the only thing to split the silence at first. Then your footsteps follow, tennis shoes hitting the concrete.

Life is far from a book, Y/N. I’m sorry this is the point you have to realize this.

SATURDAY

You wake up in the cage, and I’m already sorry that it has to be this way. You look like a small child, lost in the supermarket with no parents in sight. Sleep is in your eyes, but you quickly blink it out and lookup. For a split second, I think you have forgotten about where you are, about what has happened.

You tried to run upstairs, to tell the world, Y/N, and I care about you too much to let that happen. You won’t understand this right away, no one ever does, but maybe you’ll have a change of heart someday. You refused to talk to me at first, so I talked to you and tried to act as if everything was normal.

“What the fuck,” When you spoke, your voice was rough from dehydration. I made a mental note to get you a coffee that you might drink, unlike the water glass you had disregarded in the corner. “What, you’re just going to pretend like I’m not in an actual cage, Joe?”

“It’s just temporary,” I assure you hurridly, but I can tell that you don’t believe me. “I’ve never lied to you, Y/N. Please.” And this is mostly true.

Your voice is getting a little louder, a little more passionate. “How am I supposed to know that? Huh?”

“Trust me,” I say, and I see an echo of Beck in myself. The thought startles me enough that I shake a little, and you think that I’m shaking because you’ve made some mental breakthrough. You were smart and kept out of my past, you trusted what I told you and never questioned the things I left out.

“How?” You ask me, bitterly. “How can I trust you in here?”

I look at you for a moment, our eyes locked. You look sad, Y/N, and I need to remind myself that it isn’t my fault. You could look for the best in this, you could choose to be happy despite what you see to be a bad situation. “You have to,” I beg simply, and I need to go back to the bookstore. I will be back down here, Y/N, I promise.

SUNDAY.

The door opened with a soft noise, and your eyes follow me as I walked forward, watching you as well. I have nothing to say, but I can tell you’re waiting for me to speak. “It’s Sunday,” So I speak for you, glancing around to try and find the key. “We were supposed to have our date tonight,” I find the key and twist it around my fingers.

“We still can,” Your voice comes out cracked from crying. “Let me out, please, Joe. C’mon. Please.”

I pocket the key and give you a look. “You know I can’t do that.”

“Why, Joe? Because you think I’m going to tattle on you? I’m not fucking stupid.” You stand up and move a little closer to the edge of the cage. “You made a mistake. Everyone makes mistakes, it’s okay. I forgive you, Joe.”

You forgive me. My hands are trembling and I take a step forward. You forgive me, or so you say.

“How can I trust you?” My voice is a whisper, and suddenly I’m the scared boy in the supermarket again. “You already tried to run, Y/N. You need to trust me, this is what’s best for you.”

“What’s best for me?” Your eyes water. “What’s best for me? Do you think being locked in a cage is what’s best for me?

I don’t react.

“Jesus, Joe, what do you want? What do you want me to do?”

“I want you to be happy. I need you to be happy.” The words come out of my mouth before I even realize it. “But I need you to be happy in here, at least for a while. If you really still love me, you’ll wait.”

“I don’t want to wait, Joe. Please. If you love me, you’ll let me out.”

My hand reaches back for the key, and I’m fumbling with it as I say, “You know I can’t do that.” You seem to have given up with that, but you continue to stand against the edge of the cage and watch me. “Can you sit down? I have to empty out the bucket.” You glance back at the bucket you’ve been using as a bathroom and then back at me.

You sit down, defeated, and I walk in towards the bucket. This is the most humiliating part of this whole ordeal, Y/N, and I’ll be happy when it’s all over and we can joke about the things I’d do for you. You’re watching me with big eyes that I can hardly look at up close because they’re swollen with tears by now.

I’m near you, and you’ve gone silent. You watch as I reach down to grab the bucket’s handle, but you very swiftly stick your foot out, and I felt myself falling backward in slow motion. Fuck, Y/N, you weren’t supposed to do that. By the time I can turn myself over to look at you, you’re already up on your feet. Without pausing to look back, you’re making a run for the door

Now, this is just fucking unfair. I push myself to my feet and stumble after you, and I feel like a toddler who doesn’t know how to walk. I push myself out of the cage for physical support and grab a knife from the shelves. I hope I don’t need this, Y/N, but your persistence worries me.

It doesn’t take much to overpower you. I’m pumping my legs and feeling the adrenaline pumping through my body. I reach once and miss, almost stumbling but I doubt you notice. The second time I reach, my fingers grasp your arm and pull you back. I have to think fast here, and I push you against the wall to stop you.

You’re quiet, panting and terrified. If you could, I’m sure you would spit in my face here. I turn over possibilities in my mind, and I must say that I’m not particular to any of them within my control. Shit, Y/N, I didn’t want this to turn out like Candace or like Beck. I thought you were different, I thought that maybe you would understand.

I don’t want to kill you. Believe me, Y/N, it’s always the last thing I want to do. But I had to kill Beck before, and that turned out fine because I met you. I met you, and you made my life that much better.

Your eyes flick between mine, your breathing steadies. The knife suddenly feels so much heavier in my hand, but we both know what I need to do.

I’m sorry, Y/N, but I’ll make it quick.

#joe goldberg #joe goldberg x reader #you #you netflix #you edit #guinevere beck #love quinn #stalker x reader #creepy #i don't know why i wrote this #i just get so obsessed with shows and movies that i need an outlet #so here it is #what is my life

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itsmyblogandillreblogifiwantto · 4 years

Text

Cause baby you’re a firework.

A/N: Hi everyone! This is a bit of an angst heavy fic. Reader gets hurt on a case, and Spencer, her best friend worries he didn’t get the chance to admit his feelings. It has a fluffy ending!

Trigger warnings: Explosions, bombs, swearing, mentions of violence, blood, surgery details.

“So, my loves, bit of a heavy one for a Monday morning but there have been a series of explosions in Dallas, all big companies, 50 dead and counting.” Garcia said.

“That’s not as high as I thought it would be.” Emily says.

“Some have life threatening injuries.” J.J said as Garcia quickly went through the photos trying not to look at the horror of the blast and the injured victims.

“Why have we been called in baby girl?” Morgan asks

“The un-subs have been in disguise, a different one each time and seem to pose very professional so security doesn’t question them.” Garcia said, “We need to find them fast.”

“Wheels up in 30.” Hotch said closing his case file.

Everyone nods and grabs their go bags. “You okay Spence?” You ask your best friend

“Yeah, just these victims didn’t deserve this. No one deserves this.” Spencer says

“We know kid.” Rossi says to the 30 year old, “Let’s roll.”

On the plane

“Y/N, you used to be a bomb diffuser, didn’t you?” Hotch asked

“I did. Why?” You ask. Before the FBI you used to work dealing with this stuff every-day and have saved thousands of lives.

“Do you know what bomb this is?” Hotch asked showing you a photo of the last bomb used.

You look for your glasses before Spencer lends you his, as you have the same prescription, “Yeah, it’s a T148. It’s used mainly in Afghanistan and 3rd world countries where there are wars still going on. Small put powerful. Could kill anyone within a 10-mile radius.” You say handing Spencer his glasses back. “I’ve diffused a couple.”

“Y/N, how old are you?” Rossi asks, “I don’t like to ask women their ages, but you are very young.”

“I’m 24. I diffused one exactly like this when I worked for the MI5 in London. This bomb is poorly constructed though. The wiring is badly put together, probably explains Emily’s theory on why not as many people died in the buildings, only those about 2-3m from the bomb would have died and everyone else life-threatening injuries as J.J said earlier.” You say. “I’d say our un-subs are young, similar aged to me and doing this because they are being forced to for some reason such as their families being threatened.”

“How awful.” J.J says

“I’ve seen it before, it isn’t pleasant.” You say, not really keen on talking about your past but know the team wouldn’t ever judge you, or force you into saying something that made you uncomfortable but their facial expressions tell you they want to know what happened. “Last case I did in London, before transferring here, a family were held hostage in their own home and the un-sub wouldn’t let them go unless their son blew up their family home with them all inside. It was horrible.”

“What happened?” Spencer asked

“I ran into the house, and diffused the bomb, but the unsub found me stabbed me in my stomach and back multiple times just as I diffused it. He got shot dead outside, the next thing I remember is the family thanking me for saving them and the doctor saying I was in a coma for 7 days as I lost that much blood. One of the family members had the same blood type as me and donated the blood I needed as a way of thanking me for saving them or I would have died in surgery.” You say getting out of your chair, showing your scars on your stomach and back from where you got stabbed and had surgery.

“Shit.” Emily said.

“Did your family come to see you?” JJ asked

“I don’t have a family. I’m adopted and I don’t get on with my real family, or my adopted ones. I moved out when I was 18.” You shrug, not really bothered by it. “And before you all give me your condolences, I don’t need them. You are all my family now.” You smile as some turbulence occurs.

“Y/N are you okay to look at the diffused bombs when we arrive into Dallas?” Rossi asks you softly

“Yes, of course.” You say and get some sleep, but still dream about that day once a week and it keeps you up at night.

“How old was she when that happened?” Spencer asked, referring to the house bomb you just referred to.

“18.” Hotch said, “It’s in her file. She saved not just the family but the whole street as it was late at night.”

“Poor kid.” Rossi said as some turbulence hit the plane. “I didn’t realize she’d joined us when she was 18.”

“She really doesn’t act her age.” Morgan said, “When I was 24 I was doing stupid shit like getting drunk with my buddies and playing socker.”

“I didn’t know you were a bad flyer.” Spencer said noticing Rossi looking uncomfortable

“I’m not, I just hate turbulence.” Rossi said, holding onto his seat.

“You know turbulence very rarely causes planes to crash.” Spencer said looking up from his file.

“That does me absolutely no good at the moment. Thank you.” Rossi said through gritted teeth

“What we really need to worry about are microbursts - a sudden downburst of air associated with thunderstorms - but small craft like this one, if we hit one of those at the wrong altitude... Get pulverized.” Spencer said as he sipped his coffee.

“I beg of you to make him stop.” Rossi said to the rest of the team

“You can’t silence genius.” J.J chuckled

The team arrives into Dallas

“Wake up sleepy head.” Spencer smiled, gently waking you unaware you had the horrible dream again.

“Yeah.. Coming.” You say rubbing your eyes looking for your go bag.

“I got it.” Spencer said

“Thanks, and for lending me your glasses earlier.” You yawn.

“No problem.” Spencer smiled at his best friend.

You smile back as you get into the car and drive to the police station.

“Hi I’m J.J, these are my colleagues, Rossi, Hotch, Morgan, Y/S/N and Dr Reid.” J.J said shaking his hand, “You must be detective Smith.”

Smith nods, “Sure am. Set y’all up a conference room with donuts and coffee.” He says in a British accent.

“Donuts and coffee? To what to we owe the pleasure of food?” Morgan said as Smith shrugged winking at you.

“You know him kiddo?” Rossi asked

“He was in the same foster home as me.” You sigh, he beat you up a few times and eventually you learnt to fight back telling Rossi what he did to you.

“Just remember you are so much better than him Y/N, you’re in the fucking FBI and he’s a lame detective.” Spencer said, “And you have a donut.” He smiled shoving it in your face which made you laugh.

“And I have a family, and a dork of a best friend.” You smile, trying to hide your crush on Spencer, unaware he feels the same and start to eat the donut.

The team deliver a profile

“Hotch, can I go to forensics and check out the old bombs?” You ask

“Yes, of course Y/N. Spencer, Morgan, go with Y/N.” Hotch said

“Road trip with two nerds, come on Hotch.” Morgan rolled his eyes

“Hey!” You and Spencer both say

“We’re not nerds, we’re limited edition weirdos.” You smile

At forensics, you are chatting to the lab assistant, making chat about things, unaware Spencer is getting jealous.

“Just ask her out pretty boy.” Morgan said sipping his coffee.

“No! I can’t… She’s too perfect. I bet she has a boyfriend.” Spencer said

“Hey love birds, so this bomb is the same as the others, the first was done perfectly, but the last one, less so. So, I’m thinking something happened to him or her, and the other two are now working alone.” You say to Morgan and Spencer

Spencer’s cheeks flush at the mentioning of the words ‘love birds’ and phones Hotch with your findings as Morgan phones Garcia.

“Has he asked her yet chocolate thunder?” Garcia asked

“Not yet Mama, soon hopefully.” Morgan chuckled

“Keep me posted my love.” Garcia giggled

“Will do baby girl. Bye.” Morgan laughed and hung up, as Spencer’s cheeks got redder.

A few days have passed, and the case isn’t going anywhere, there is little information and all DNA left at the scene has been too small to get a sample.

“Guys… I think I got something.” You say looking up from the computer you were reading from.

“What is it Y/N?” Hotch asked

“Big new building having a grand opening today, over 1000 people attending. This could be the next one.” You say.

“Let’s go.” Hotch told the team

In the car

“Hotch, if it comes to it, you realise I will want to find the bomb and diffuse it.” You say, feeling the tension in the car.

“Y/N, you can’t risk you own life again.” Morgan said

“1 for over 1000, I’d rather that than my family and all those people die.” You say bluntly.

“You can’t.” Emily says as Spencer nods agreeing with her.

“I will.” You say through gritted teeth.

“Let’s just hope it doesn’t come to that.” Hotch said as you arrive into the building.

Outside the building

“Prentiss, J.J, Morgan, you take the left side. Rossi, Reid, Y/S/N and I will take the left. Meet in the middle.” Hotch says as you all nod putting your vests on and holding your guns out ready.

“Ready?” Spencer asks you.

“Yeah, let’s go.” You say.

“FREEZE FBI!” You announce, noticing the un-subs who set the bomb to go off and run. “After them, left stairwell, 6th floor, going down.” You say, “I got this.”

“Y/N…” Spencer began

“Spencer, fucking go. I’m fine.” You say shooing him away.

Spencer nods, not really wanting to leave you and goes after the un-subs with the team.

“You forgot about one thing princess.” You suddenly hear behind you.

“Smith?” You say, recognising his voice. “What the fucking shit?”

“Never were the smart one was you…” He said stomping on your arm and you scream out in pain trying to grab your weapon as he stomps on your leg and starts to tut. “Oh Y/N… So helpless… So innocent… Never could take my punches…” He said as you quickly notice a gap and grab your weapon, as he stabs you in the chest. You take your chance, whilst screaming in pain and shoot him dead then quickly tell the team you are hurt and continue to work on the bomb.

30 seconds until it goes off.

You take some wires apart. 20 seconds left.

“Y/N!” You hear the team call your name.

“Up here!” You call back, as you manage to stop the bomb going off and collapse next to Smith, blood pouring out of your chest.

“Y/N… Breathe… You’re going to make it…” Spencer says scooping you up and putting pressure on the wound as you close your eyes. “You’re going to make it…” He says again as tears go down his cheeks as the paramedics arrive to take you to surgery. “I’m going with her.” Spencer tells Hotch who nods.

“Keep us posted.” Rossi says as Spencer just keeps his head down as Morgan tells Garcia what happened.

“Oh my baby… Please bring her home.” Was all that she managed to say.

You ended up having surgery.

“Dr Reid?” A doctor said coming out in scrubs full of blood.

“Yes.” Spencer says quickly getting up, he hasn’t left the hospital since you went in 5 hours ago, twice to have a stress cigarette and to get a coffee.

“She’s strong that girl. Her heart stopped beating in surgery, but she’s out now and she’s awake if you want to speak to her.” He says

Spencer nods and follows the doctor to your room as he tells the team the news.

“Oh thank God.” Garcia says, “Bring her dessert. She needs chocolate pudding.”

Spencer walks into your room. “Hey.” He says softly

“Hi pretty boy.” You smile.

“Nice to see your memory wasn’t affected.” Spencer says

“If I’d been stabbed 5cm closer. I’d be dead.” You say, “I think my bomb days are over.” You chuckle then wince noticing the stitches.

Spencer sits down. “Are you okay, besides the pain?” He asks giving you the chocolate pudding.

“Yeah, I mean, I got my best friend right here and my favourite pudding. Can’t complain.” You say smiling

“I was really worried for you.” Spencer said

“Me too.” You admit

“Can I ask you something?” Spencer asked biting his lip

“If it’s for a stress cigarette, I already know you have had one.” You say, “We have the same habits Dr Reid.”

“No.” Spencer laughed. “I like you Y/N. I love you actually, more than just you being my best friend… I have for the last few years… Would you like to go on a date with me?” Spencer asked looking down.

You smile, cupping his face with your hands. “I’d love to, but maybe when I’m not wearing a hospital gown and we have an audience.” You say referring to the team all there, and Penelope on Skype, waving at you.

“Audience?” Spencer asks then clocks the team. “Fuckers.” He says as they all come in to hug you and bring you more pudding.

“She’ll be out tomorrow morning.” The doctor said

“Thank you Doctor.” You smile at him

“Don’t do that again Y/N.” Hotch whispered to you, you’re like the daughter he never had. “You saved 1000 people, and we caught the other two un-subs.”

“My bomb days are over.” You assure Hotch and make grabby hands for the pudding Spencer has started to eat.

“Hey pretty boy, better make sure pretty girl gets her pudding or she’ll put a bomb on it.” Morgan said as you all laugh.

“I love you guys.” You smile.

“The feeling is mutual.” Rossi smiled as they all left you and Spencer alone.

“Stay the night?” You asked him quietly.

“I’m not leaving you.” Spencer smiled kissing your cheek and holding your hand.

“I thought you had a thing with germs.” You say

“I make exceptions for my Mum and my date.” Spencer smiled, “Now get some rest.”

“As long as you don’t eat my pudding.” You say as you close your eyes getting the best nights sleep you have had in a long time.

“Deal.” Spencer whispers as he sings you your favourite song, Firework by Katy Perry.

'Cause baby, you're a firework

Come on, show 'em what you're worth

Make 'em go, "Oh, oh, oh"

As you shoot across the sky

Baby, you're a firework

Come on, let your colors burst

Make 'em go, "Oh, oh, oh"

You're gonna leave 'em all in awe, awe, awe

Tag-list: @pumpkin-goob , @jpegjade , @andiebeaword , @hopebaker , @hotchsbabygirl , @hercleverboy , @cupcake525 , @gubetube , @aperrywilliams , @cosmic-psychickitty , @marleyhotchner , @gubler-me-up

Requests are open!

Let me know if you want to be on my tag-list!

#Criminal Minds #criminal minds fic #spencer reid #spencer x reader #derek morgan #aaron hotchner #emily prentiss #jj #Penelope garcia #my fics

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faofinn · 4 years

Text

I Think I’ve Broken Something - Whumptober Day 12

@whumptober2020

The move from Edinburgh to London was difficult. Of course, Fao was closer to home and could spend time with Finn as he recovered, but he left all of his friends behind. The rugby team especially, lads who he’d been with since his first week of term. They’d all taught him so much, and it had been an emotional (and rather drunk) goodbye.

Now after a busy summer, he was ready to get back into the flow of Uni again, with lectures and labs and seminars, as well as more placement hours in different areas. He’d loved his time with Steve, but he was looking forwards to learning more in the other specialties. And of course, he’d joined the rugby team. First practice had been daunting, but they were a good group of lads and he soon fitted in. He was rusty, having not played or really worked on fitness for a while since Finn’s injury, but they were open and understanding and always asked after Finn. The socials were pretty good too, though the hangovers were less entertaining.

It was a Monday evening, and Fao headed out to training after a long day of studying. Typically, it was raining and already dark, and he wasn’t necessarily looking forwards to it. But it would get him out of the house and clear his head and get his blood up.

Whilst the weather was miserable, as soon as Fao was out and warming up, he felt good. Once he was soaked through anyway, the rain didn’t really bother him. After some skills training and a quick break, they split apart for some gameplay. It was a shortened, simplified game, but enough for them to get some practice. Soon enough Fao’s chest was heaving - he was sweaty and absolutely covered in mud. But it was good, it kept the demons at bay, made him feel alive. And the team already felt like family.

It wasn’t exactly surprising when he was tackled - he had possession, after all. They took him out at the legs and he went down hard. He was too preoccupied with trying to score as he went down, but as soon as he hit the ground he knew he was fucked.

He’d twisted awkwardly, gone down directly on his shoulder. If the sharp, shooting pain wasn’t a big enough clue that he’d done damage, the crack that accompanied it was a sure sign.

He rolled over, arching his back in pain. “Fuck!” Part of him was pissed he’d not even managed to score. The teammate who’d tackled him helped him to sit up, and Fao ignored how the world span slightly. The pain was really something else, and as the rest of the team ground to a halt, he focused on trying to breathe through it. At least it wasn’t a disolaction. It didn’t feel like it, which was a welcome change.

In a team full of healthcare students, it didn’t exactly take long to decide it was a broken collarbone. Fao had to agree too, the fingers of his good hand skimming lightly over the injury. Soon enough he was in the back of the captain’s car, and he fumbled for his phone. Sheila was going to kill him.

Well, when she picked up anyway. The first call eventually went to voicemail, but he didn’t bother leaving a message. He’d try again in A&E, hopefully he’d actually have some more information for her.

It wasn’t a long drive, and before long he was waiting on an uncomfortable seat in the ED, aware he was soaked to the skin, covered in mud and probably bleeding somewhere too. He was cold now he wasn’t running about, and the pain wasn’t getting any better. He tried calling Sheila again, resting his head against the wall behind him as he waited for her to pick up.

"Hello, darling. Are you finished rugby now?"

He hummed. “Yeah, I have.”

"Good, good. How was it? Are you on your way to ours tonight?"

“Uh, probably yeah. But I might be a bit late.”

"Going out with the team?"

“Not exactly...”

Her distrust could be heard down the phone. "What have you done?"

“I’m fine, I swear. But I am in A&E.”

"That is not fine!" She hissed down the phone.

“I’m fine, I’m fine. Just a crappy tackle.” He shifted in the chair and groaned. “Nothin’ serious.”

"Head injury?"

“Nothing like that.”

"What have you broken then?"

“Maybe my collarbone? But it’s nothing serious.”

She groaned, resting her head heavily against the wall. "Are you kidding me?"

“Honestly Mum, I’m fine. Not a big deal.”

"Are you at George's? Who's with you?"

“Yeah, I’m at George’s. I won’t be long. Matt’s with me, he drove me from the club. I’ll get the train home, it’s fine.”

"I'll come get you. Say hi to Matt for me."

“Don’t worry about me, it’s not bad.”

"You're my son. Of course I'm going to worry."

“Yeah, but it’s nothing serious. Jus’ a collarbone.”

"I wish you were right."

“I am right.” He grumbled, but he moved again and it jostled him; his breath caught in his throat.

"I heard that. I'm coming in."

“I jus’ moved wrong and it hurt. I’m fine.”

"Please let me come and get you?"

“Fine. You can come and wait at mine or somethin’. I don't know, help me pack a bag.”

"I'll get Fred to make some meals to put in your freezer too, you won't be able to do that with a broken side."

“Sure. Can I stay with you for a couple days first?”

She managed a laugh. "It's nice you thought I'd allow anything else."

“I’m okay though.”

"I hope so."

“Wouldn’t be stuck waiting in A&E if I wasn’t okay. They’d be treating me.”

"You wouldn't be in A&E if you were okay." She countered.

“But in the grand scheme of things.”

“I know, I know. Are you okay though? Really?”

He sighed, wincing as it hurt. “‘M cold, covered in mud and soaked to the skin, and it hurts. But I’m fine.”

"We have vastly differing versions of fine, Fao." She laughed. "I'll be an hour. You're doing great."

“I've had worse. I'll live, just fucks with placement and things.”

He had to hang up on her not long after, as they called him through. After some (painful) prodding, they agreed it was probably broken and needed x-raying. So he sat and waited forever for that (still in agony) and eventually it was done and he was called back in.

It was an impressive enough x-ray, but his doctor was happy it would heal just fine without intervention. So he was given a fairly hefty painkiller prescription, strapped up in a sling, and was told to attend fracture clinic in a few weeks.

Matt drove him back to his flat, Sheila's car parked outside. He thanked his friend for the lift, struggled to pick his kit bag up, and fumbled with his key. But he made it in eventually.

“Mum?” He called, glancing around.

“In the kitchen, Fao. Is Matt with you?”

He headed into the kitchen after awkwardly leaning on the wall to get his shoes off and dump his bag. “Nah, he went home.”

“You look a state.” She sighed, moving to fuss over him. “You need a shower or a bath, and then bed.”

“A shower sounds amazing. Then food?”

"Already cooking. Go on, go get a shower."

He nodded slowly and headed to the bathroom. Showering took forever, and was decidedly painful, but he managed to get the mud off of him and get some warmth back into his bones. Feeling somewhat better, but exhausted, he struggled into some trackies and a hoodie, and joined Sheila in the kitchen again.

“What are you cooking?”

“Fred made a pasta bake, it’s not mine, don’t worry.”

“Your cooking isn’t that bad.”

“Oh, come on. I’ve heard you and Finn talking.”

“I’ve had worse, put it that way.”

“Ouch, thanks.”

“It really isn’t that bad.” He said, hugging her with his good arm.

She hugged him back, rubbing his back. "How's the pain?"

He hummed distractedly. “Could be worse, I had some painkillers at hospital.”

“Did they give you some for later?”

“Yeah, gave me plenty. In my kit bag.”

“Good, good.” She pressed a kiss to his damp hair. “A lazy evening and then we’ll drive back.”

“Sounds good.”

"I'll pack some stuff for you too."

“Thanks. I'll need to bring my kit home too.”

Sheila shook her head. “As if I'd let you leave it here.”

The food didn't take long, and Fao picked at it a bit, not really hungry. He was sore and exhausted, and the pain meds had made him a bit nauseous. At Sheila's insistence he ate a fair amount, and then she fussed getting his stuff packed.

It didn't take that much longer for them to be ready to leave, and she drove him back home. He fell asleep on the way, head resting against the window. He woke when they got home, feeling worse, and brushed Finn off as he curled up in bed, so tired even the pain couldn't keep him awake.

#whumptober2020 #whumptober day 12 #no. 12 #broken bone #broken collarbone #rugby injury #university rugby #medical student #Faolan Blackwood #Sheila Daniels #Fred Daniels #Finn Daniels #sports injury #fao's a tit but we love him #whump writing #whump prompt #brothers in more than arms

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smilingleoo · 4 years

Text

Min Yoongi one-shot-When his baby is born prematurely

Request: heyyy 👋🏽 can u do a one shot(it doesn’t matter which member) but when he and his s/o have a baby but it’s born prematurely so they have to wait a while to take the baby home?

Heyy!!! I love this request and I think I could portray the swirl of emotions mainly because I could as my parents about it...yes, I was born really prematurely (just 6 months), so my mother and father had to endure those months that they couldn't take me home. Well, on to the request!!! Enjoy it!!!

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"You are awake, baby"-Yoongi whispered softly as he raised himself from the chair in order to kiss your pale forehead. Your vision was still a little blurry yet you managed to recognized your husband's voice, a smile curving your dry lips-"How are you feeling? Can you talk?"

"Hey"-you mumbled groggily-"I just had a baby"

"You say that as if it wasn't a big deal"-he chuckled and you joined him, your belly hurting a little bit with the effort. You quickly coughed out of pain, alarming the hell out of Yoongi, but you dismissed his attention by placing your unoccupied hand on his chest. After your breathing came back to normal, Yoongi took your hand in between his, placing a loving kiss on your palm-"Maybe you need more rest. I'll look for something to eat, call me if there's any problem"

You nodded but when Yoongi was about to exit the room, you spoke-"Where's Y/B/N?"-he halted and turned on his heels, an uncertain look on his face. He scratched the back of his neck and finally sighed, resting his shoulder on the door's threshold-"She's in the incubator"

"What?"-you asked worried. Your baby was plugged inside a machine and no one cared to tell you? Suddenly, the various artifacts scattered around the room beeping, bellowing, grumbling simultaneously overwhelmed you. Your skin began to itch endlessly and you had no other idea than to tear some patches attached to it, throwing them away while pulling yourself to your feet.

The floor was unstable, or maybe you were extremely dizzy, but you managed to make two steps with the bed's support. You needed to sed your baby. You needed to know how your child was doing. However, your knees failed you , giving up abruptly. You waited for the hard, freezing floor but nothing came. Instead, Yoongi's arms had enveloped you preventing you from falling.

You didn't show your gratitude nor apologized for your actions; you just cried. Tears drowned your exhausted eyes, painting your cheeks and vanishing on your quivering lips-"I know, baby. I know"-he whispered.

()

Three days went by and you were finally released from the hospital, some pills and exercises have been prescripted for you to keep up with your improving health. Despite the good knews, you were still troubled by the fact that you couldn't take your baby with you. They had explained your husband that because of his early birth, your child needed to remain in the incubator to complete his/her growth. You were stubborn, Yoongi knew it for sure, but you were not stupid, so you didn't conplain.

Although emotionally hurt, you made an extra effort to wake up early in the mornings, prepare breakfast for Yoongi and you and then do some workout to relax your body. Afterwards, you quickly bathed and packed some things in order to stay in the hospital for the rest of the day. By now, you knew several nurses and doctors and, though you tought they were annoyed by your repetitive presence, they appeared to understand the struggles of being a mother. Yoongi, on the other hand, came when he had the time. He would knock the open door, snacks on his hand and a gummmy smile on his face, and then would walk towards you placing a loving kiss on your lips.

You noticed how his eyes would brighten up every moment he got a glance of his baby, pride swelling in his chest-"That tiny human is ours"-he mumbled a Friday afternoon. He had nearly stumbled out of practice in order to reach his kid on time. All the band members were happy for him and had told him that when the child was in his/her new house, they would pay the new family a visit.

"You're so soft, Min Yoongi"-you giggled, earning a playful glare from him. Who would have thought that this awful situation would make the both of you happy? It was ironinc, you concluded, how the mere thought of you baby breathing was enough-"We will get out of this"-you mumbled as if the baby could hear you. Yoongi looked at you and then rested his hand on your shoulder. From your sit, you caressed his hand's back and sighed contently, throwing your head backwards.

"I have two strong persons by my side"-he said leaning so as to kiss your lips-"I'm so lucky"

You were the lucky one because you had him by your side-"I love you, Yoongi"

He opened his mouth to reply but was interrupted by the doctor, who came in grinning-"Hello, I come to check on my tiny parient over here"-he explained taking his stethoscope and introducing his hands on the holes at the side of the crystal box. He hummed pleased with what he was hearing and you couldn't be more releaved. Yoongy squezzed your shoulder, tears tickling the corner of his eyes-"Well"-the doctor spoke-"His/Her lungs have fully developed and his breathing rate is strong. We hadn't have many problems during this past two months yet I'd like to control the baby for a few mlre days. If everything goes well, she'll/he'll be on his way home on Monday"

You gasp and, without thinking, stood up embracing the docotor. Yoongy, promptly afterwards, joined the hug and you didn't know if you were sobbing out of happiness or surprise-"Thank you so much"

The doctor pullled away warmly and patted Yoongi's back, excusing himself with a smile-"Did you hear that, kid?"-Yoongi asked the baby over the incubator-"You're my strong child, my little warrior"

Everything was clouded by your tears and you were glad you were crying now. Your baby was okay...All those weeks you had suffered, struggled and whimpered were over. All those nights you couldn't manage to close your eyes would be replace with your baby's demands and laughs, and you knew you were going to be exhausted but it would be worth it. Everything was worth it.

Monday came and you were absolutely ready.

You had bought and prepared everything your baby neede, from diapers (that were e trenely big for the baby's thin body) to three pacifiers that he/she was probably too young to use-"Let's go, babe!"-you screamed. Yoongi had asked for a day off, which surprisingly was granted to him. He was extremely excited too, having woken up really early to plan everything.

In the blink of an eye, you were both on the car driving towards the hospital. All things seemed to move lethargically, you were beginning to become impatient. Yet the mere thought of your child calmed you down-"We are here. We are here. We are here!"-you exclaimed.

When you enterd the room, two nurses were wrapping your child with a soft, fluffy yellow blanket-"We knew you would be coming early"-the one tuening off the machine said. The other one, who was cradling your child, approached the both of you. A thrilling sensation began to bubble inside your chest as she extended her arms and motioned you to take your baby. You bit your lower lip and accepted happily, glancing immidiately downwards to marvel with your kid's chubby features. Tears swirled in your eyes once again. Maybe this of being a mother had soften you greatly.

"Look at him/her"-you whispered, afraid to do something wrong. But Yoongi was at a loss of words, gaping at the adprable human draped arpund your embrace.

"My tiny little warrior"-he mumbled and kissed the top of your head. You coughed put a laugh and handed the baby to him. He was trembling but he clwaned his sweaty palms on his pants and then took a child of his child's soft body-"Hello, beautiful"

And with that image in front of your eyes, Yoongi holding the start of your new family, you felt that the world could indeed be conquered. You were going to survive because you were warrior, just like your baby-"Let's go"

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sisterpiranha · 4 years

Text

The Art of Snake Charming, ch. 6

Pairing: Lawrusso, Daniel Larusso/Amanda Larusso (at the start, I mean, they are engaged)

Summary: Johnny is a stripper. Daniel has a bachelor party. Louie is an idiot.

MASTERLIST

CHAPTER 6

Daniel left the doctor with a bandage around his head and a prescription for painkillers. He didn’t have a concussion, which was a relief, but he’d still have to take it easy for the next couple of days. He found Johnny sitting where he had left him, but now the small cut on his forehead was covered in plaster and he was holding an ice pack against the bruise next to his eye. He smiled when he saw Daniel approaching.

“You survived then?”

“Not even a concussion.”

“Not surprising with that hard head of yours.”

“Where did you get that?” Daniel asked, pointing at the man’s face.

“Turns out a friend of mine is working here tonight, she fixed,” Johnny said with a smile.

“Johnny!” As if summoned by the man’s words, a young beautiful woman materialised next to them. She had curly hair, beautiful tan skin and a bright smile that was focused on Johnny. “Are you leaving already?”

“Yes, thanks for everything Carmen. But Daniel needs rest, so we should be going.”

“So you’re Daniel!” The woman turned to him with a smirk, a strong accent colouring her words, “Johnny told me so much about you.”

“He… He did?” Daniel asked, a smile starting to form on his lips.

“Of course! His old karate friend!”

“Rival! I said rival, she’s still learning English and doesn’t know what she’s saying. And I didn’t tell her a lot, I just might have mentioned you a few times, that’s all.”

“You don’t say,” Daniel said, a smile getting wider.

“Don’t give me that face, it was nothing. We talked about a lot of people, you were bound to come up.”

“Whatever you say.”

Carmen looked at them with a fond smile.

“And Johnny saved you today, no? He’s very brave.”

“He is,” Daniel agreed.

“Now take him home to rest, Johnny,” she said to the blonde man hugging him, “and give Migui and Robby a kiss for me when you get home.”

Daniel felt a pang in his chest at the mention of the other man’s boyfriend. Johnny threw him a sideways look, but Daniel tried to keep his expression blank.

“Will do, see you later Carmen.”

“Goodbye Daniel, it was nice to meet you,” she said surprising him with a hug of his own.

“B… bye!” Daniel responded, still flabbergasted by the whole encounter.

“Come on, we should go.”

Daniel followed Johnny to his car. The wound wasn’t serious, but he still wasn’t in any shape to drive, so he waited for the man to re-break into the car and then opened the passenger seat door for him.

“You’ll need to get that sorted as soon as possible,” Johnny said as he wired the cables under the wheel and turned the engine on.

“I have an extra set of keys at home. I’ll get the rest seen at the dealership on Monday.”

Daniel told him his address, and Johnny drove in silence for a few minutes.

“She seemed nice. The nurse, I mean. Back at the hospital.”

“Carmen? She is.”

“You seem close.”

“She’s my next-door neighbour.”

“Right. I mean, I don’t even know my neighbours' names, much less let them hug me, but still.”

“What are you saying?” Johnny asked suspiciously, like Daniel was insinuating something.

“Nothing! Just that it’s nice that you have friends. Close friends, even.”

“Are you saying that you don’t have friends? Because I won’t believe it, I saw them when I went to your bachelor party.”

“Them? I mean, I wouldn’t call them friends, acquaintances more like. People I know from work. I guess Mr Miyagi is my friend, but he’s so much more than that. He’s family.”

“Carmen is like family too. Or as much family as I have nowadays, other than Robby.”

“Who is Migui?”

“Carmen’s son. Robby’s with him.”

“He babysits him?”

“They keep each other company,” Johnny answered with a fond smile on his lips.

Johnny turned on the radio and changed stations until Daniel stopped him placing a hand on his arm.

“Leave it here.”

“You like Speedwagon?” Johnny asked incredulously.

“What kind of man doesn’t?” Daniel answered with a grin.

Both men shared a smile and spent the next few minutes singing together like teenagers would have done. After the song was over, the ease that had developed between them seemed to have grown. They spent the rest of the ride talking quietly, jumping from topic to topic effortlessly. Although there were certain things they avoided discussing. As if by an unspoken agreement, neither of them mentioned their partners, Daniel’s wedding or Johnny’s work. Daniel thought that, bizarrely, that precise car ride was probably the happiest and most comfortable he had felt in the last few years.

However, it didn’t last long. One stop at the drugstore and then, all too soon, they arrived at Daniel’s place. Johnny walked him to his apartment, carefully looking for any sign of dizziness or instability in his step. A flare of an unnamed feeling warmed his chest, a feeling for a man who had been his enemy but had still dedicated his night to help him.

Daniel struggled with the keys for a bit, there was a shake in his hand that couldn’t be solely attributed to his head wound. When he finally managed to open the door, a hand stopped him before he could enter.

“I should be going,” Johnny said, “I’ll get a taxi back to my place.”

“You’re leaving?” Daniel knew it was something he should have expected, what reason did he have for staying? And yet, Johnny saying it felt like a bucket of cold water had just been emptied over his head. The past few hours had brought him unimaginably close to his former rival and Daniel realised that he would miss his presence painfully. The man hadn’t even left yet and he was already craving his company again.

“You need to rest,” the man said pointedly.

“Of course, I just thought…” Daniel looked down, embarrassed. What had he thought? Johnny had his own life to get back to, and so did Daniel. A fiance, a wedding, a career, where did the blonde fit into? Of course, he had to leave. But then Daniel made the mistake of looking up and the moment their eyes met, he knew he would do something stupid. “It’s just that the doctor said that I shouldn’t be left alone, just in case, you know? So I thought maybe you could stay tonight. I know it’s a huge imposition…”

Daniel looked pleadingly at the man. Amanda had often called him out on what she had dubbed as his “Bambi eyes” and he wasn’t ashamed to say that he was using them at full force now. He just knew deep down that if he let Johnny go, he wouldn’t see him again and this past two days would have been nothing but a daydream. He couldn’t allow that. Not now that he was starting to get a glimpse of the Johnny that was buried beneath all those memories from years before.

“Wouldn’t you rather have your fiance here?” Johnny said fidgeting.

“It’s late, I don’t want to alarm her. I’ll call her tomorrow and explain. I’ll be completely fine by then, I’ll even be able to drive you home in the morning,” Daniel said earnestly and he could see in Johnny’s eyes that he was about to cave in.

“Ok, I’ll stay. But I’ll have to make a phone call first,” Johnny said with a sigh and both men entered the apartment.

“Of course, you wouldn’t want Robby to worry,” Daniel said not without a tinge of venom, but Johnny didn’t respond.

“Nice place,” he said instead, looking around.

“It’s all Amanda, she decorated everything.”

“Right. The phone?”

“Over there. I’ll… I’ll give you some privacy.”

Daniel went to his room and kept himself busy for a few minutes. He changed into pyjamas, washed his teeth and tidied things around the room, all the while, he listened to Johnny’s low voice rumbled. After a few minutes, there was a knock on the door.

“Come in,” Daniel called and Johnny entered. He had left the headband and jacket in the living room.

“It’s done.”

“Good, I got you some things for you to sleep on. They are going to be a bit tight probably, but not too bad.”

“Thanks. I guess I’ll just… go change,” Johnny said, taking the clothes and going to the bathroom.

Daniel was nervous. He wasn’t sure what he was doing. He knew that he couldn’t have let Johnny go after everything, but now that he was staying, he didn’t know what to do about it. Deep inside him, there was a part of him, a part that he rarely paid attention to, that had some interesting ideas, but he squashed those thoughts right away. There were certain lines that he just wasn’t willing to cross. All he wanted was to keep Johnny close for a while longer. Was that so wrong? Daniel ignored another part of himself that was answering yes and distracted himself by taking his meds, turning the lights off and getting everything ready.

When Johnny came out, only the lamp in the nightstand was on and Daniel was already sitting in bed, his back against the headboard. The blonde was barefoot and wearing the clothes he had given him, which were slightly tight, but not too much. The man stood at the foot of the bed, staring at Daniel in confusion.

“What’s wrong?” Daniel asked.

“I thought it’d be best if I just slept on the couch,” Johnny said.

“You can’t! It’s really not good for sleeping. You’ll hurt your back. And really, there’s plenty of space here.”

Daniel moved the covers to the side as if to show that the bed was indeed big enough for two people. Johnny sighed and laid down next to him, his body stiff. Daniel turned the light off and made himself comfortable next to him.

“Don’t think I don’t see what you’re doing.” Johnny’s voice came from the darkness.

“I don’t know what you mean.”

“Larusso, you can play innocent all you want, I’m not an idiot.”

“You called me Daniel before.”

“What? When?”

“After I got beat up.”

“I didn’t think you heard.”

“I did. I wouldn’t mind if you did that again.”

“Fine, Daniel. Look, I get it, you’re about to get married, you’re getting cold feet, it’s common. It’s a pretty big commitment. But you’re playing a dangerous game here.”

“I’m not playing…”

“Let me finish,” Johnny said forcefully. “I think… I think you know how I feel about you. From the moment I met you, I could never really get away from you. Even these past few years, the memory of you haunted me. That night at the tournament ruined my life, but it took me a long time to figure out that that wasn’t the only reason I could never get over what happened. There was another reason why I felt so angry back, why I lashed out at you.”

“Johnny…”

“This doesn’t change anything. You’re still getting married. And you and your wife are going to have a great life. And in some years, this will be a distant memory, just a small moment of madness. But for me? This won’t end up well for me, because I know that if you ask, I won’t be able to say no to you.”

“What about…?” But before Daniel could finish, he felt two hands grasping his face and a pair of lips meeting his own. The kiss was short and, just as soon as it had started, everything was over as Johnny was back to his side of the bed, a dark abyss separating them.

“Goodnight, Larusso.”

“Goodnight, Johnny.”

#cobra kai #johnny lawrence #daniel larusso #lawrusso

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fuck-customers · 5 years

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So I work in a pharmacy, and two crazy things happened today (10/11). This one woman who has been having issues with her old and now new therapist called about her prescription. It is a medication you literally can never go off, and her doctor upped her dosage and never called in more medication, so she's running out. All of the numbers we've been trying to reach the doctor at are either disconnected or the wrong number. She finnaly had the chance to try to reach the office (she's a single mom) and texted the office. They immediately told her she overreached a boundary, they would now have to set boundaries, and they would not answer any calls or emails until monday. Not only that, they told her if it really got bad, to check into a hospital to detox. She could have seizures! She could die! And they are just so uncaring, it truly drives me ceaxy.

And speaking of uncaring, mom came in to pick up some antibiotics for her preteen girl. She wanted to see if her daughter's other very important medication (which is life and death) was ready. I check and this woman hasn't picked up this prescription (30 day supply) since May!! I tell her this, and she says:

"So you didn't fill it this month?"

And I told her since she hadn't picked it up in almost 4 months, we hadn't filled it. I asked if she wanted us to fill it and she said:

"eh I'll pick it up tomorrow."

I'm was just...oh my God. This woman. If this medication was expensive, I would feel bad, but with her insurance it doesn't cost anything! And her poor daughter has been without it for months! It's a miracle she isn't in the hospital or doesn't have permanent damage! And due to HIPPA, I don't think we can report it.

#tw #trigger warning #submissions #fuck customers #fuck retail #submission

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callioope · 4 years

Text

I’ve been vague about what has been going on in my life intentionally, both because I needed to tell some people offline first and because it’s a lot to process.

But here is what happened: I am in the process of miscarrying.

I thought it might help to share my story. Miscarriage is more common than people realize and rarely talked about. If someone can benefit from my story, all the better, but mostly this is to help my grieving and coping process.

This is pretty detailed, so trigger warnings and all that.

Exactly one month ago, I read the results I had longed for: pregnant.

Today, I’m sprawled out on the couch in the most excruciating pain I’ve ever experienced.

They don’t tell you that miscarriage is a process.

We’ve been trying to conceive since the end of last June. It was taking so long, I was convinced I’d be scheduling a fertility consultation this coming June. They tell you if you’re under 35, to give it a year. Before we started trying to conceive, I’d tell anyone about how time speeds up the older you get. It makes sense logically, of course, when a year is 1/5 of your life, it sure seems long, but went its 1/32, well...

But this has been the longest eleven months of my life. The first month we started trying, I had an unusually long cycle. 39 days. I was so sure I was pregnant. My breasts had been hurting for two weeks. Husband and I were vacationing in Minnesota to see Aston Villa play. I bought a pregnancy test, beaming, excited, and was puzzled by the negative result. A week later, when my period came, I cried to my mother, and she said something about the universe saying I wasn’t ready or something. Whatever it was sounded bleak and ominous to my ears. It sounded like it meant I’d never be ready.

The fall was busy and stressful, and despite all the tedious ovulation test strips, nothing happened except somehow, my period got lighter month by month. I was pretty sure something was wrong with me. I thought I had a UTI. (I was actually stressed and dehydrated, which I eventually remedied.) While I cried at a Sara Bareilles concert in November, my mother told me that her OBGYN said it can take as much at 9 months for the body to recalibrate after being on the pill.

Speaking of which. I’ve been taking the pill for over a decade. For the most part, I took it correctly. There is some leeway to taking it incorrectly, for the record. You can miss two pills in a row and it still has instructions for what to do (while cautioning to be safe and use extra protection). Maybe only once did I ever have to throw out a pack for missing too many in a row.

(This is maybe neither here nor there, but rebelcaptain accidental pregnancy fics have become a bit of a pet peeve for me. Jyn and Cassian are far too careful and intentional to let that happen, and it is so easy to be responsible since there are so many birth control alternatives these days that don’t even require reliance on routine or memory.)

So, of course, the concern lately is that clearly 10+ years on birth control has messed me up. I do not know this objectively (what I do know is that I have OCD and anxiety and obsess over Everything That Can Go Wrong), but the point is that birth control really can have consequences that I don’t think are necessarily fully understood or studied. DO NOT GET ME WRONG, USE BIRTH CONTROL. My only regret is what I didn’t know.

I learned too late, but a lot of conception advice articles tell you to quit the BC as soon as possible. Even if my mom’s OBGYN is wrong, the general advice does seem to be that it can take up to 3 months for your body to recalibrate. So, if by any chance someone reading this is thinking about conceiving soon, if you take nothing else away from this rant, take this. I wish I had stopped taking the pill a few months before we actually intended to start trying.

After ten months of all this worrying, I finally got what I’d longed for. The moment I saw that positive result, it felt so surreal. There had been little things leading up to that moment, strange hints and signs, like I knew subconsciously even before a test would have been positive. I wrote that Howl’s Moving Castle pregnancy fic before I knew. I started learning “Here Comes the Sun” on my ukulele before I knew (it’s... silly, but I decided I wanted to learn the ukulele because I wanted to be able to play that song for my kids some day). It involves finger picking, so I’d been putting off learning it, but one day I just decided it was time. And finally, I decided to watch the latest season of Brooklyn 99. I’d avoided it because I knew Amy & Jake were also trying to conceive, and it was too emotional for me to watch that when I was so frustrated for how long I was taking. (Of course I didn’t realize they also had trouble, and watching it actually felt cathartic for me.) I got that positive result literally the next morning.

I spent Monday, April 20, making checklists and spreadsheets. I set my first prenatal appointment for May 8. Those two and a half weeks were the slowest of my life. They stretched out like a rubber band. I couldn’t really focus on anything except this pregnancy I’d waited so long for. That’s probably why time moved so slowly. I wasn’t filling it with the hobbies I enjoyed, writing and playing my ukulele. All my overwhelmed brain could handle was the hilarious distraction of Community. Yeah, this is also around the time I disappeared from fandom. It was originally for a happy reason, I was just too excited to focus!

I know many women who have miscarried. The data seems to vary from source to source, but anywhere between 10% to 20% of pregnancies end in miscarriage. I couldn’t wait to get to the doctor to confirm everything was okay. I wondered if they would do an ultrasound; I dreamed of seeing a fetus on that screen.

We started talking about how we were going to tell our family. We wrote a pretend promotion letter for my sister, promoting her from “sister” to “aunt” (she’s a badass at her job and we had recently been talking about her promotions so it was thematically relevant). We planned to do a video call with my parents where we played Quiplash and created custom answers related to the pregnancy.

But we never got that chance. On May 8, I went in for my first appointment. I’d spent the last three days sewing a mask because the ones we ordered still haven’t arrived yet. So all the time I would have spent preparing myself for the worst (as is my way) was spent instead distracted by sewing and finishing up Community.

They took me to an office first and went over medical history questions. “Any morning sickness?” the nurse asked. “Not at all,” I said. “Should I be worried?” “No,” she answered. “Consider yourself lucky!”

(For the record, many women who carry to term do not ever get morning sickness.)

(It was just one of those unfortunate exchanges.)

Then the exam with the doctor. All in all, it’d probably been 30 or 40 minutes by this point, all of this excited talk. I was going to tell my parents on Mother’s Day. My due date was Christmas.

I video call my husband just in time for the ultrasound.

There was no embryo.

The doctor said a lot of women are ovulating later in their cycles due to the stress of the pandemic. At the time, I thought maybe. Hope is funny like that, in the face of logic. It started to grow like a weed in the cracks of my breaking heart.

But the thing is, even with that stubborn hopeweed, I knew. I’d been doing this for ten months. I knew when my last period was, I knew when I ovulated. I was 7 weeks and 1 day, and there was no embryo, and that was it.

The beginning of the process of miscarriage.

Technically, it’d started a few days before that appointment, but I was distracted at that time. I’d noticed one morning that there seemed to be more hair in the shower floor than there should be.

Dots started to connect. My breasts had stopped aching. Now, they started to shrink back to their original size.

This happened over several days. I felt certain I would miscarry on Mother’s Day; fortunately, that did not happen. No, enough days had to pass for that hopeweed to prosper. Only then, when it whispered maybe would I start spotting and cramping.

On Tuesday, the second ultrasound confirmed what I already knew. Not viable. Missed miscarriage. Technically, the prescription the doctor hands me reads “missed abortion.” “It’s just the technical term,” the doctor explains, acknowledging that many women might find this triggering.

I don’t cry as much as I did. I only cry when I tell people. It seems important for people to know, just in case. Just one person in the relevant circles of my life. I had to tell my boss to explain the sudden uptick in unexpected doctor appointments. (I’m Rh negative, so I needed to go to the hospital to get bloodwork and a Rhogam shot -- and being in a hospital these days in anxiety-inducing enough without this trauma.)

It still feels surreal. All of this happened in one month. Somehow my life has changed completely and then reverted back. This is just a blip in my life, relatively, and yet it seems the longest month of my life.

In movies, in stories, miscarriage seems to go the same way: a flash of bloody sheets, a shout of shock and pain, and then grief. I never knew how it really goes: that it would stretch out for weeks, from the moment I saw that first ultrasound to now, twelve days later, just starting to bleed. I’ll have to go back for another ultrasound to confirm it’s done, and if it’s not, then I’ll need surgery.

This speaks nothing of the grief.

And then it’s back to square one, a whole year later: ovulation tests and endless waiting.

It’s been a whole month; it’s been only a month, and miscarriage is a process.

#tw: pregnancy #tw: miscarriage #the latest with liz #this is detailed and specific #not for everyone #it's part of my grieving process #it's been a month and i thought it might help to say something

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xpouii · 5 years

Text

Tentacletober Day 19

Yes it’s late! Yes I skipped Day 18! Yes I’m very tired lol. This day is a sequel to Day 12--which is a sequel to Day 9. SO if you want to read the full series from the start, 9 then 12 then 19!

Prompt: Protective Tentacles

Fandom: Sanders Sides

Characters: Logan, Roman, Virgil, Remus

Warnings/Tags: SFW, Swearing, sleep issues, sleep deprivation, mentioned bulimia, mentioned seizures, mentioned hallucinations, mentioned sleepwalking, drug use, prescription medicine abuse, kissing, fainting, brief mentions of therapy, hospital stay and psychiatric evaluation. General apathy and sympathetic Remus

Logan grabbed the doorknob and heard the maid shout his name; he winced and turned, “Sarah, I really don’t have time to-“

She held up the dropper with a look of longsuffering. Logan opened his mouth and took the drops of CBD oil under his tongue before rushing out the door. He spat into the bushes, taking a sip of water and rinsing out his mouth as he crossed the large lawn, punching in the code to open the gate as he spat again. He climbed onto the bus and sat down, taking out his phone and checking the school’s portal. Mr. Stevenson still hadn’t graded the Calculus exams, and Logan grit his teeth, shoving his phone into his pocket. Even though his parents would never ask, Logan liked to have his grades updated and ready to show them when they came in on Wednesdays for dinner. He was starting to feel slowed, and he checked the time, firing off a text to Roman as he swallowed his last stashed Adderall, hoping his friend would have more today.

Logan had a schedule, just enough Adderall to last him until Wednesday, then he’d leave his new batch in his locked cello case until Thursday when his parents would no longer be home all evening and search his room. Then he hauled the cello home for his weekend lessons and used the school loaner on Friday. His mother would bring him on Monday mornings so he could bring the cello back and store it in the band room. Or Tuesday, if his mother was busy with meetings, like this week. Anytime Roman didn’t manage to palm enough Adderall—which was often—Logan would turn to the three other rich kids with prescriptions that were willing to sell—or trade for pot; Logan would take several pills a day, as many as it took to keep withdrawals at bay, unless he actually managed to run out. Logan’s parents were scientists, but his mother had gone on a natural medicine kick when the therapists had given up. So now he had a weed card, and a mother obsessed with monitoring his sleep—very unnecessarily. Logan had done plenty of research on the best ways to skip sleep, and other than days when his parents—or the maid—would watch him to make sure he didn’t spit out his treatments, or when his mother decided to try some new pot baked goods or when his father would smoke with him in some odd attempt to make Logan feel like they were bonding as men.

As infuriating as that was, it didn’t hold a candle to the way his mother would wail and beg him to sleep on the weekends. Ever since his first seizure she had been insufferable, unbearable in her smothering. Logan tried to be more careful now, keeping track of the Adderall and the CBD and the caffeine and the sleep he’d actually given in to. The seizures had been the first symptom of critical systems failure, but certainly not the worst. The hallucinations were bad, auditory worse than visual because Logan had a harder time dismissing them. Worst of all were the episodes where he’d black out, but his body would keep going. He’d broken through his bedroom window and rolled off the roof, falling down and cracking his left shoulder. Thank god for your mom’s azalea bushes! Sarah had shouted at him, watching him writhe in pain in the grass. The time he’d managed to scare her had been his most frightening time as well.

Logan had come to in the kitchen with a knife in his hand. Sarah was curled on the floor between the island and the oven, screaming for him to stop with the kitchen phone in her hand. He dropped the knife and started crying. He wanted to go to her for comfort. Sarah had raised him, after all, and Logan was six before he’d finally learned not to call her mommy. He was the monster, though, the bad thing he was scared of—and she was even more scared than he was. So, he turned around and went to his room, crying at his desk until the police and paramedics showed up. He’d spent a week in the hospital under strict psychiatric observation then. Logan had slept for 36 hours straight, and woken up with tears in his eyes. Both of his parents had been there, the whole time, and even now Logan’s heart would tighten at the warmth of the memory, waking up to their hugs and kisses and smiles.

Logan was pulled out of his nostalgia when his phone pinged. His mother’s contact photo popped up on his phone over the text Have a good day, sweetie! See you tonight! I’m making dessert!

Logan’s lip curled and he quickly checked his homework schedule, moving things around. His mother would definitely dose him tonight, which meant he’d sleep, and run behind. He would have exactly three hours from arriving home until his parents came in for dinner at 7 pm sharp. He could finish almost all of his homework, but the extra credit for Calculus 3 would have to wait until Thursday evening, pushing back his homework he planned to finish early in order to take a few hours off to watch Nasa’s livestream of the upcoming meteor shower. He swore under his breath. He hated missing the livestreams, especially when his parents would be bothering him about watching it. He wanted to, but he couldn’t fathom it now.

He jumped when the bus stopped short and he had to throw out his hand to save his face from hitting the seat in front of him. He straightened his glasses and scowled up at the man in the mirror. Behind him a rowdy pair of girls started shouting obscenities, blaming the driver for interrupting their impromptu makeup session. Logan rolled his eyes, reminded of Roman and Virgil. The thought of his friends brought a genuine smile to his face. Although Logan was put on edge by the mere thought of sex, romance or—god forbid—love, he did wonder when his friends would admit their feelings for one another. Even his own mother had noticed their shameless heart eyes for one another during their last concert. Logan had tried to stop her from calling Virgil’s dads, but the woman never listened to him no matter how loudly he shouted. It was one of the biggest reasons Logan didn’t bother getting angry anymore, especially with his parents; it accomplished nothing and it wasted precious energy.

A jab to the back of his head made him turn around, that well-hidden anger bubbling to the surface, but it dulled when he saw two of his usual suppliers had moved to the seat behind him. He glanced back to the usually inattentive driver and then dug in his backpack, producing the small parcels he usually divided his stash into for economical reasons. He set two between his feet and nudged them backwards, his eyes glued on the driver. A second later, the parcels were replaced with a pill bottle and he grabbed it, taking visual inventory of the total pills inside before shoving it into his backpack and zipping it. The two boys did the same, disappearing back into the proverbial crowd. The school was two stops away, and Logan had already gone back to calculating his homework time, and whether it would be worth skipping lunch or not. He decided against it—Roman probably wouldn’t eat, and Logan usually tried to get extra food for him at lunch, passing it to him during band and hoping Roman could end up trapped long enough to actually absorb some nutrients before purging everything again. It usually didn’t work, but sometimes the director was in a bad mood and he’d make Roman wait. Logan knew manipulating friends was technically wrong, but guilt wasn’t really something he participated in.

The hours went by fairly quickly until lunch; Roman had another Adderall for him and he saved it, swallowing it during third period Calculus when he decided to try and cram his extra credit in between taking lecture notes. Unlike the day before, Roman and Virgil attended lunch rather than smoking in the parking lot. Roman got a salad and a water while Virgil and Logan went for the cheeseburgers that were probably not made from actual meat, but they tasted brown, and they had cheese on them, and that was enough. They sat down at their table—avoided by most of the other students due to Logan’s snippiness. He was halfway through his food when Virgil choked on a bite, “Jesus L! Is that your heartbeat?”

Logan looked down where his heartbeat was causing his shirt to tremble in time, a bit elevated, but not that bad for him. He scowled and moved his drink—a large canned energy drink—in front of him, “What about-what are you doing?!”

Virgil had stood and pressed two fingers to the pulse point on Logan’s neck, “Hold still and be quiet.” He watched his phone timer until it beeped, “Two hundred bpm!”

“No it isn’t,” Roman said, standing up to check.

Logan sat sullenly as they double and then triple-checked their results, “It really is two hundred. Logan that’s too fast!” Virgil said. “When’s the last time you had an Adderall?”

Logan opened his mouth, but he couldn’t remember, so he scoffed, “Stop overreacting. It’s no big deal anyway.”

His throat was dry, and he tried to clear it, taking a slow swallow of his energy drink and waving them off. “Logan maybe you shouldn’t be-“

“Just shut up, Roman!” Logan sniped, then he closed his mouth and pinched his nose shut, trying to force air out of his lungs. After twenty seconds, Logan moved his hand and let out a long, slow breath, smiling, “There, nothing a vagal maneuver can’t fix. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’ve lost my appetite.”

Logan stood up and—without any warning—fainted.

Logan winced against the bright overhead lights, trying to blink away the blurriness, but he didn’t have his glasses. He could hear voices, distant and muddled. ”…-es, ma’am. His two friends are beside themselves. If it’s going to be a while would you mind if th… alright. Yes ma’am he’s asleep now, but unfortunately I can’t administer anything you haven’t given me here… CBD oil? No Mrs. Berry we don’t… yes ma’am I’ll tell him.”

Logan squeezed his eyes closed as the curtain around his cot rustled and the nurse checked on him. “I know you’re awake, Mr. Berry. Your mother said your friends could come and sit with you until she gets here. The band director already gave them a pass. Feel like visitors?”

Logan nodded, “’s bright.”

“That’s what happens when you do whatever shit you’re doing and then wake up with a hangover in the nurse’s office,” the nurse said. “But, I’ll turn half the lights off. Just try not to get rowdy some of us still have to work.”

Logan sighed, but he did smile a bit when the lights went out, only to jump as Virgil and Roman crowded in beside him, “Fuck, Logan you scared the shit out of me!” Virgil scolded.

“How are you feeling?” Roman asked.

“Mom’s on the way,” he rasped.

“I got it,” Roman said. “I already took it all out of your bag.”

Logan looked to see the nurse, but her desk was empty and she was standing in the hallway. Virgil glanced over, “She didn’t hear y-“

“Give me one,” Logan said.

Virgil shook his head, “Logan no fucking way! You just fainted!”

Logan squeezed his eyes shut, “Please, I’m gonna have to go all week… maybe longer, please! Roman? Please?”

Roman glanced at the nurse, then pulled the curtain, fumbling in his jacket pocket.

“No!” Virgil hissed as Roman pulled out the bottle and offered it to Logan.

“I c-can’t swallow it,” Logan said thickly. “Not whole.”

Roman met Virgil’s eyes and ignored his expression of horrified disappointment. He popped two of the pills into his mouth and chewed it, wincing at the taste—though it was nothing compared to the things that he tasted on any given day. He gathered as much saliva as he could and then bent over Logan, pressing their lips together. Logan wrapped his arms around Roman’s neck to hold him in place, and he licked the Adderall out of Roman’s mouth like a dying man. The kiss was slow at first, mechanical, but it became something else as they stayed close, and soon Virgil was checking the nurse’s whereabouts again as the other two made out, Roman letting out little pleasant moans against Logan’s lips.

Virgil cleared his throat loudly when the nurse returned, and Roman straightened, fixing his shirt. Logan closed his eyes again and waited for the meds to kick in a bit more. “How long til she gets here?”

“Nurse said an hour,” Logan said. “Or that’s what I think she said. Mom’s got clinical trials today so it’s not something she can just leave.”

“They should have sent you to a hospital, not left you here with your dealer,” Virgil growled, glaring daggers at Roman.

Roman sighed as he pocketed the pills, “Look, I’ll keep these in my bag until I get to come see you, ok? Then I’ll leave them behind that loose siding under your window. Just don’t be stupid. Maybe this is a good opportunity to quit.”

Logan wanted to argue, but his lips were still kiss swollen and the taste of Adderall soothed him, so he just nodded. “I’ll think about it.”

“I love you,” Roman said, lifting Logan’s hand to kiss it, then he ducked out.

“He’s just as bad as you are,” Virgil said. “For enabling you like that. I can’t stand it, Logan. I can’t stand what you two do to each other.”

“Are you jealous?” Logan asked; his words were cold, but so was he, and the last thing he needed was a lecture.

Virgil winced, “Fuck this,” he muttered. He turned and pushed the curtain out of the way, leaving the office—and Logan—in buzzing silence.

Logan woke up on Friday, late in the evening. His parents were home, judging from the voices downstairs, and he could remember faded scenes with them over the past two days. He’d missed school, missed band practice, missed the meteor shower and—judging from the raging head and body ache—enough Adderall to start withdrawal. He sighed and slid to the edge of the bed, sneaking over to his window. He’d just reached to open it when something grabbed his ankle in the dark, pulling him. He hit the carpet and was dragged, scrabbling uselessly at the carpet until suddenly he was on his stomach on smooth, cold stone. He squinted in the low light as he stumbled to his feet, until someone—or something—handed him his glasses. He quickly put them on and found himself standing in front of a stranger, “Hello?”

“He was finally awake!”

Virgil and Roman stepped out into the light and Logan took half a step back, “I’ve never hallucinated these two before,” he muttered to himself.

“We aren’t hallucinations, Logan,” Roman said. “We’ve been waiting for you to wake up all week.”

“I didn’t really get the chance to tell you about Remus because you fainted at school and… well I took off. But he’s my friend.”

“Our friend,” Roman said. “He’s been keeping us up all night pretty regularly. You should love him.”

“By the way,” Remus said. “Whatever they have you on, those brownies are delicious. I stole five while waiting for you to wake up.”

Virgil rolled his eyes but it was an affectionate gesture, “Glad to see you again, L. I’m… sorry I… whatever, I’m sorry.”

Logan opened his mouth but Virgil stepped forward and hugged him, and as soon as Logan felt him, he knew he wasn’t hallucinating. “Virgil… I’m sorry too. I shouldn’t have-“

“Yeah what did you say to him?” Roman asked. “He was mad the whole night!”

“Mind your business,” Logan said when Virgil’s cheeks turned red. “So um… Remus, huh? What is he?”

“No idea,” Virgil said. “A monster from under my bed, but he said he can get us into the amusement park through the staff emergency sleeping quarters.”

“Theoretically,” Roman reminded.

“Close enough!” Remus said, clapping his hands together. “So, Logan, would you like to come on some potentially life threatening rides with us, without any security or safety measures taken?”

Logan smiled when Virgil nudged him, “I guess so, as long as I don’t break my glasses.”

#tentacletober #logan sanders #sympathetic remus sanders #fanfiction #parasomnia #not safe for sanders

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readbeneaththelines · 5 years

Text

Just The Person I Need Pt. 5

Kwon JiYong is a Multi Million Dollar business man thrown into parenthood when his brother and sister-in-law die in an accident. leaving A son and daughter behind. Y/N is a nanny that loves what she does. What happens when their lives become intertwined? Will she be Just The Person He Needs?

Characters: Business Man!Kwon JiYong X Nanyy!Reader

Genre: Fluff, Angst, Smut somewhere along the way

Word Count: 3266

Warnings: None really for this chapter, language, maybe angry JiYong?

cr to gif owner..... why is he so damn good looking?

JiYong exhaled, trying to regain his composure. His hands were drawn into tight fists, the knuckles turning white from the pressure. Walking to the door that Mr. Mueller had just left through, he raised one of his fists, slamming it hard and straight into the solid wood. He heard a crack, but would not let it register that he had probably cracked a few knuckles or possibly broken his hand. Red with rage, he strode to his desk, picking up the receiver with his good hand. Pressing numbers hard enough to break them, he dialed a fellow conglomerate overseas. Taking his tie from around his collar, he began to wrap his swollen hand while waiting for an answer.

As soon as Eric Teller picked up, JiYong was seething.

“Teller Incorporated, Eric Teller speaking.” this man’s voice was pleasant and friendly.

“Eric, It’s Ji. We have a problem and I need your help, now!”

As JiYong relayed everything to Eric, he became increasingly agitated at the whole situation. This was not how he normally reacted to these types of threats. He never permitted physical retaliation anywhere. But here he was, knuckles swollen, face red, and brows covered in sweat. He was nearly screaming by the time he finished explaining every detail to Eric.

“Ji, first take a deep breath and calm down. We will figure out the best steps to take in bringing Mr. Mueller down a notch or two.” Eric spoke gingerly, not wanting to make JiYong more upset than he already was.

“Eric, dammit! I don’t want to bring him down a notch or two. I want him destroyed! I will own his companies… No, I will own him when I am finished with him, do you understand me? I will own him. That fucking piece of German shit will pay for this!” he was yelling at the top of his lungs by this point. He didn’t care, for once, what people were hearing outside those doors.

“Ji, we will own him, okay. Just let me make some calls then I will get back to you. Until then, don’t do anything erratic and stupid, okay?” Eric’s voice was still calm and collected.

“Fine. I will be expecting your call. Goodbye” and with that he slammed the receiver down. He suddenly collapsed into his desk chair, his hands trembling and the pain from his injured hand intensifying. Taking a few calming breaths, he stood and cradled his wrapped hand. Walking out into the lobby, employees began to scatter when they saw the doors open. No one made eye contact or got in his way. He left without a word.

The drive to the hospital was more difficult than he thought, since the pain was so intense he could not even shift correctly. Once he arrived, the woman at admissions saw him and ushered him directly in. She picked up the phone to message the attending and inform him of the special patient they had.

He was placed in a private room and the door was closed for privacy. He normally hated this kind of special treatment, but was thankful for it this go around. Dialing his cell phone single handed, he called his house to inform them that he would be late and to make sure his mother and the kids were fed. The gentleman on the other line informed him that his mother had already planned on keeping the children overnight, and for him to call her later. As he was hanging up, Dr Choi stepped in.

“Ji-, you had better be thankful that I heard the call over the speakerphone. If it got out that you were here with an injury, you know what could happen. Now, please tell me what or who you hit, and why” his voice kind but firm letting him know he meant business.

“How did you know I hit something? You are very aware, aren’t you Dr. Choi? I hit a solid wood door, out of anger. Better than hitting the person though, right?” JiYong tried to lighten Dr. Choi’s demeanor.

“Ji, what were you thinking? What has gotten into you lately? Every time you stop by my office, you seem more distant, more tired than the last time. If you are overwhelmed with something, you need to let someone know, especially before something worse than your hand happens again. Now let’s get that X-rayed. I can tell you just by looking at it, you have a few broken bones in there.” Dr. Choi led him to X-ray where they confirmed four broken metacarpal bones and one broken finger.

After being set in a cast, he thanked Dr. Choi for his assistance. The kind doctor took him by the good wrist, leading him to his private office.

What if this had been seen by those kids? Has all that has been happening lately been the reason for this outburst? We are friends, but I need you to talk to me, see if maybe I can help.” He sat on the edge of his desk, looking down at JiYong.

“I’m tired, Chang-min, exhausted actually. Don’t get me wrong, I love those kids and wouldn’t have things any other way. It’s just that... I don’t know... how I am going to run my business, care for these kids, and everything else all by myself? I’m afraid I’m going to fail them, and I don’t want to do that. Especially after all they have been through at such a young age.”

“Why don’t you hire a nanny, like we have? She is wonderful, and she only works a couple days a week with us and then another family a few more days. We use another nanny on her off days. I tell you what, let me send her over to your place, that way you can meet her, let the kids meet her, and if everything feels right then we will be happy to let her go so she can help you out. It has been a lifesaver for us.”

JiYong wondered why he never thought of a nanny before last night. He lowered his head and sighed heavily. He wondered if that would be the solution to maintaining his sanity in all of this.

“Why don’t I call her and send her your way? I am willing to give her the time off, if it in turns helps you.” Dr. Choi stood from the edge of his desk and handed JiYong a prescription for pain medicine. They walked together down the service hallway so that he could go unnoticed.

After he finally arrived home, he was ready for pain medicine and a stiff drink. He rushed through the doors, taking a brief second to greet the staff on the foyer. Once he reached the kitchen, he poured a snifter of whiskey with ice and took the large pill in one gulp with the entire glass of warming liquor. Making his way to his bedroom, he was silently thanking his mother for taking the kids for the night. He knew he had to call her and inform her of the events that had transpired over the day.

After explaining everything to his mom, she convinced him to let her and his father keep the kids for the weekend, giving him a chance to rest and recuperate. He was immensely grateful and told her that he would let her know when the nanny was coming. Hanging up, he scooted his legs under the covers and fell asleep before his head hit the pillow.

The light was pouring in through the floor to ceiling windows, warming his face. Slowly he stretched, a sharp pain reminding him of yesterday’s events. Checking his phone, he realized he had overslept by three hours. There were seven missed calls from his assistant, two from Eric, and one message from Dr. Choi. He quickly tapped on it to read the message.

Talked with our nanny, she would be happy to meet you at your convenience. This week or next. Just let me know which one works for you.

He pulled up the keyboard and began responding.

Dr. Choi,nthank you, later this week would be fine. Please let her know that I will be available after 2:00 pm. Please send her my address and number in case she needs directions. Thank you again for this kind offer.

Pressing send, he rose from the bed and headed for the shower. Looking at his arm, he reconsidered and opted for a bath. The warm water soaked into his muscles, easing the tension that had been there since yesterday morning. Once the water became cool, he stepped out and dried off. Wrapping a towel around his waist he checked his phone again. Another missed call from Eric and a message from Dr. Choi. Message first, then call Eric, he told himself.

She will be there Friday at 2:00 promptly. She is a stickler for being early so expect her around 1:45 and she will wait until 2:00 before coming to the door. No problem, Ji. Anything to help you. Let me know how it goes.

He called Eric before heading down for some late breakfast. Eric informed him that several oversea conglomerates had been approached by Mr. Mueller. They were all willing to give any assistance in bringing him down. He thanked Eric and told him he would call him Monday. His stomach growled, causing him to venture downstairs.

Sang-hoon greeted him cautiously. JiYong recalled how he appeared last night and the cast on his arm.

“Sang-hoon, I apologize for my behavior last evening. I had a rough day and just needed some privacy. Trust me, you are all fine and I am not upset with any of you”.

“Pardon Mr. Kwon, but I did not believe any of us were at fault. I have seen how chaotic it has been around here lately, so I figured you needed some space, which I told everyone to provide you. Please go to the dining room and enjoy some brunch. It should be about ready.”

JiYong was grateful for Sang-hoon. The older gentleman was a soothing presence and patient as all get out with two kids running around the house. Patting the older man on his shoulder, he headed for the dining room. He did not realize how hungry he truly was until he sat down. He finished off three plates of bacon, eggs, fruit and pancakes. Satisfied and sated, he went to his office. Stopping short of the door, he changed his mind, opting for going outside to enjoy the warm summer air. The warmth surrounded him, loosening the remaining tension from his body. He set himself down on the ledge of the fountain, dipping his long fingers into the cool water. He let his mind wander back to the last time he spoke with his brother. It had been the night before the accident, and they had been discussing plans for a vacation this coming summer. The entire family was going to get together and spend some quality time together. His brother told him he was proud of him and he couldn’t wait to see him.

After you and Ha-eun had spent most of the morning shopping for wedding dresses, decorations, and your bridesmaid dress, you both settled down for an early lunch.

“Oh Y/N, I have had the best time today! I have really missed the times when we would do this every weekend. I can’t wait to make a new life here with Seung-hwan and get to spend more time with you too! I am excited for what’s to come. Now all we have to do is find Mr. Perfect for you then we will be set as the two power couples of Gangnam!” How she wasn’t exhausted baffled you as you smiled at her friend’s enthusiasm.

“Ha-eun, I am so happy that you found the one for you, but as for me, I don’t think Mr. Perfect is in my cards.”

Except for the perfect Mr. Kwon JiYong, you said to yourself. Smiling, you continued.

“I think that in this life I am meant to be just what I am now, a nanny. My heart is drawn to this, and since all the dads are married, well then, I guess I don’t really have time to find the One. Besides, I haven’t found anyone that piques my interest.”

Except for that gorgeous specimen Mr. Kwon, your quiet subconscious voice told you.

Pushing the thoughts back in their recesses, you honestly believed that you would remain single in this lifetime. Not that you were troubled by this, but you had to admit that, just like every young woman, you had certain needs. The touch from a man, the feel of soft lips pressing to yours, the shivers they would send all over your body. Sometimes, you craved that, but lately with two families, you never had free time to meet anyone that you found special enough to be intimate with. Who knew, maybe one day.

Ha-eun was waving her hand in front of your face, attempting to get your attention. Shaking your head lightly, you came back to the present conversation.

“What’s got you all flustered? Your mind keeps wandering off and then you get this cheesy grin. Who has caught your eye young lady?” Ha-eun laughed when you blushed a bright red.

“No one really. There is this gentleman, he is friends with one of the families I work for. I have literally bumped into him twice now. He is so fine looking Ha-eun. Expensive suits, manicured nails, a smile that would make you melt. But he is just a fantasy guy for me to fawn over in my dreams”.

Ha-eun’s eyebrows raised at the mention of the mystery man. She looked at you, a glint in her eye.

“Whatever you are thinking, Miss Ha-eun, get your dirty thoughts out of your head right now. We are not going man hunting for my dreamy Mr. Perfect!” You swatted at your friend’s shoulder, but laughed when you saw the mischievous grin spreading.

“Whatever you say dear. Just keep him in your dreams. At least that way, he can’t screw anything up.” and at that, you both doubled over laughing.

While eating your meal, your phone rang. Looking at the screen, you quickly answered when seeing Dr. Choi’s name pop up. Excusing yourself from the table, you answered the call.

“Hello Dr. Choi. Is everything okay?”

“Yes, Y/N, everything’s fine. I was wondering if you could do me a huge favor?”

“Yes Sir, sure thing. What do you need?”

“I have a close friend that is looking for a nanny to help I out. I told him that you may be the perfect fit, especially since you only work a couple days a week now with us. We would miss you, but he really needs the help more than we do, and I think you would enjoy working for him.”

“I would be happy to meet with him. Of course I would miss you all too. But if you highly recommend him, then I would like to help any way I can.”

“Great! How about this Friday? Are you working with the Kims this weekend?”

“No sir, they actually treated me to a long weekend. So I won’t be working until Monday.”

That is perfect. How about two o’clock? I will send you his address and number.”

Thank you very much, Mr. Choi. I will be sure to call you after the meeting.”

Hanging up, you returned to the table. Your friend was now on her phone chatting endlessly away with Seung-hwan. Settling down in your seat, you began wondering who this new family could be. You began to fret, bringing a fingernail to your mouth to chew on a nail. Ha-eun slapped your hand away and shook her head. You put your hand in your lap and smiled back at Ha-eun.

“So, what was the mystery call about?”

“Oh nothing maybe, just one of the families I work for may have a more permanent family for me. I am going to meet with them this Friday”.

“Hmmm… must be loaded, to come recommended by Dr. Choi.” she giggled when you attempted to smack her again.

Both of you finished the meal and began the long trek back to Ha-eun’s hotel. You were going to stay the night, taking advantage of one last single girls night in before her best friend got married. Thanking Hyo-min for lunch, you hopped the next bus back to the Choi household to grab some clothes and ask about the friend you were interviewing with. You were greeted by Mrs. Choi and the children, who rushed at you with open arms for hugs. Bending down on one knee, you wrapped them tight, swaying back and forth with exaggeration. Kissing them atop their heads, you sent them off to play. Mrs. Choi handed you a fresh cup of coffee before pouring herself another one.

Mrs. Choi sat across the spacious counter. She looked at you and began speaking in her usual soft voice.

“Y/N, the gentleman my husband referred you to, is a kind man. He is in a tough spot right now and really needs someone to be there and help him. Things are turned upside down for him, so I know that you would be the perfect one to lift him up while helping him out. As much as we adore you, we also adore our friend. He is the only person I would be willing to lose you to. I hope it works out for you both.” Her smile was kind, and you knew she was being sincere.

“I hope it works out well for the both of us too, Mrs. Choi. If I do end up working with him, then maybe we can get all the kids together often.”

The lady nodded her head in agreement. Not many people knew JiYong’s situation, and it broke her heart that he was doing this alone. She knew you would be the loving person the kids needed, and also a strong support for him.

You spent the rest of the week with your friends and enjoyed some free time to yourself. SEeing that you didn't get much of it, you took full advantage. Friday arrived before you knew it. She went to the Choi’s to put on fresh clothes and get ready.

Looking at her watch, you readied yourself to leave. You really hated being late, and always tried to arrive at least fifteen minutes early. Hugging your employer tightly, you scooted down the hall to tell the kids bye. you put the address in the GPS, then headed out for the meeting. When you pulled in the driveway, you were greeted by a speaker at the gate. After verifying who you were, the gate slowly opened and you inched the car through. You saw him before he noticed the car. JiYong was wearing linen pants that hung low on his slender hips. His shirt was a pale baby-blue that was unbuttoned to his mid chest, caramel honey toned chest showing. His hair was tousled, as though he had been running his fingers through it. He was toned yet lean, his chest peeked out from the unbuttoned shirt. He was her possible new employer? Was he married? Divorced? Widowed? She slowly stepped out of the car, her eyes locking on his as she approached him. The only thing she heard was her heart beating loudly in her own ears.

@beautifulseoulliar @lynnbyun @astronomyturtle @aspaceformyself @trashkazuya @maxinaptak @micky1518 @rosiemilas @karri570

@seoulsunshineandstories @kwonnansi @xjamlessparkx @berryjam17

@kingsuckjin

#kwon jiyong #kwon jiyong fic #jiyong x reader #jiyong fluff #jiyong smut

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westonthebeston · 4 years

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Family Reunion \\ Westons

WHO: Juliet and Rory Weston

WHEN: Monday, January 20th, evening.

NOTES: Rory and Juliet haven’t seen each other since he walked out on their family. Juliet wasn’t expecting to see this face on her way back up to the baby she was supposed to be keeping an eye on.

WORD COUNT: 2,043

There were certain hazards that came with working in security. Especially when you had to take someone to the ground and they were high enough to act like a fucking rhino. Rory had been able to do his job - he was great at it, in fact. That's the main reason he was the go-to on big jobs. But there were also some draw backs like having your damn shoulder popped out of its socket. It wouldn't be the first time and before Rory was always one to be able to pop it back in himself but after multiple attempts, he decided not to risk it. A quick visit to the ER would get it popped back into place and he'd be back on his way. Sitting on one of the bed, he checked his phone before giving a quick glance around, not really paying attention to much until he felt the ghost of some one crawl up his back.

No. That was impossible.. Was it..? It had been years since he'd seen his sister, and she looked older now, more grown up, and she was definitely not a patient. She worked here? Something cold curled inside of him and just as one of the doctor's walked up to him, Rory jumped off of the bed. "I'm sorry. I should probably go." The man tried to argue with him about his shoulder but Rory stepped back, about to leave when he knocked over a tray of instruments. "Shit. I'm sorry.. I'm sorry about that.."

Juliet heard the clatter and really hoped it wasn't another junkie getting aggressive with the nurses, though, when she turned around, the man that was staring at her. Rory.

Juliet had tried to keep contact with her brother when he'd taken off, but ... nothing. She knew he went out West, possibly California, and maybe that had influenced her decision to go to Stanford, but she hadn't expected to see him out of the blue, not at work .. Not today when she'd just been given an amazing opportunity. She'd only been walking through the ER to get back to Officer Evans, Alice, and Johnny.

It only took a second to see that Rory was trying to dash for it so she quickly caught up and faced him, even if the idea ... scared her. She hadn't seen him in ... years.

"Ror- Jus- .. What are you doing here? Are you hurt?"

Shit. Rory hadn't been ready for this blast from the past. After he left home, telling his family he was going for a walk and never coming back, he'd started up a whole new life. Somewhere far from anyone who knew what he'd done, and what he'd lost. It was how he'd wanted it. His family would be better off without him.

And he believed it too. But now his little sister was in front of him and he felt.. scared. "Uh. H-hey, uh.. hi. How's it.. going? Hurt? No.. No, i'm just.." He looked at his shoulder and waved his good hand dismissively. "I'm fine. I was actually just heading out," he said, taking another step away from her. She was a doctor now. See? He told himself. Her life was better without him. "It's good to see you though," he turned quickly and stepped outside as fast as he could.

Of course he was trying to escape. Juliet wasn't having that, not again. "Rory!" She shouted after him, hustling outside and grabbing his elbow. "You can't just run away all the time," Juliet told him, hating that there were tears in her eyes. At least they were outside and none of her superiors were around.

When Rory had left Juliet had been beside herself. Her big brother was always there and suddenly he was gone. Losing Cole had been hard enough, but a year later her brother just ... left. Nothing felt like it was going to be okay anymore so she'd done what she could to forget it all and poured herself into school. First high school, then college courses for extra credit. She got into every school to applied to, but, she chose Stanford. Her work didn't stop there though, she graduated at the top of her class and had her pick of hospitals. She stayed in California, probably subconsciously hoping to find him but ... now he was here and she didn't know how to make him stay.

Rory had always known that he'd fucked up back then and it was impossible not to think about it. He still had a scar down his arm from where the broken glass from the window had torn into his skin. Every morning he got dressed, he saw it and he thought about what happened. He hadn't expected to see Juliet and it would be better for her if that didn't last long.

But he should have known she would follow him. "Jules, it's--ow, fuck." He stopped where he was when she grabbed his elbow, making a grunting sound as he grabbed his dislocated arm. Okay so he couldn't exactly hide that little fact now. "I was just getting my arm.. popped back in or whatever. I didn't know you were here," he said in an apologetic voice.

Juliet sighed when he told her his arm was dislocated. Why was she not surprised. It was probably a fight, but judging by his lack of bloodied up face, he'd won.

"Come inside, Rory. I'll help you with your arm." All she wanted was for Rory to stay but ... maybe pushing it was the wrong thing to do. "You can escape after that ... okay?"

He stood in place for a minute, thinking about his options. He could have left. He could walk away. It wasn't far to another hospital, just a couple miles, and he could go there. But before he'd even made a decision on whether he was staying or going, Rory was following her inside. He kept his head down as he walked back to the bed and sat on the edge. He should have just stayed quiet but the curiosity was too loud. "How long have you been here?" They'd occupied the same city and hadn't even known.

"Eight years," Juliet answered without even a thought. When Juliet got into her "Doctor Zone" her friends had called it, she quieted. She gently took his arm, warning him that it would hurt, and efficiently popped his shoulder back in.

"Go easy on it," Juliet warned him, as she scribbled a prescription for some low dose painkillers. "And you can take these as you need. A little stronger than Advil but nothing special."

Did she want to beg him for information? Yes. But Juliet knew her brother and he was stubborn and he obviously didn't want to be here so who was she to force it?

"You've been here for eight--" There was a little warning enough but then a grunt of paint as he felt his shoulder go back into its socket. He turned his head to the side, rode out the feeling and then flexed his fingers to work through the pins and needles he felt.

Waving off the prescription, Rory jumped up to his feet. "I don't need that. Even the low dose stuff makes me groggy and I have to be on it for my job." He should have just thanked her and walked away like he'd been trying to earlier but now he felt like he wanted to stay. That was a dangerous feeling. "So.. eight years, really?"

He didn't leave.

Juliet had been bracing herself for a quick escape but .. he stayed just standing there. She wanted to smile but was scared if she did, he'd vanish into thin air, like it felt he did before. So instead, she nodded. "Moved here after graduation. Stanford for undergrad and med school. I just started interning here in September, for surgery."

All this time, he thought. A part of him wanted to pull her in his arms and hug her. He'd missed her, missed his family, missed a lot of things.. but guilt was real. "Wow," he said under his breath. "That's.." He nodded a few times, lowering his gaze to the ground. It felt like he couldn't even look at her. Like if he did, he'd see her recognizing someone who killed their cousin. He saw enough of that in his mirror every day and he'd avoided seeing it come from her. "That's really cool, Jules. Good for you."

He couldn't even look her in the eye, that stung. All Juliet wanted to do was ... make the last few years disappear. She wanted to be at home, watching him "go for a walk", and just ... follow him. Make it so he couldn't leave again. "Thanks, Rory..."

Juliet took a step back, making sure he knew he could leave if he wanted to. But, as she did she pulled her phone out and opened up the contacts app. "Add yourself? Please?" She asked, trying to look into his eyes.

Rory told himself to apologize and make a quick escape. They hadn't seen each other once in those eight years so they could continue to go back to that. He'd just make sure that he didn't bring himself back to this hospital if he needed it.

But he looked up and caught the look in her eyes, something that was so brightly pleading. He'd seen that look so many times growing up, when his little sister wanted something and she'd figured out how to get him to give it to her. He let out a breath and nodded once before tentatively taking the phone and typing his number.

Then as he handed it back, he lowered his attention back to the ground, holding his arm against his side. "Thanks for.. you know.." he motioned to his arm. "I um, I'm really glad that you're.. you know.. doing well." God, he hated himself in that moment.

Juliet pocketed the phone immediately, not even wanting to check if the number looked fake, she'd have to have a little faith right now, faith he was still the brother she knew and loved. Maybe things had changed after the accident, but she still loved her big brother, always would.

"It's my job," she chuckled, looking at his shoulder. "And, uh, just doing what I can, y'know." I miss you. She couldn't finish her sentence though, she couldn't have him shoot her down, not after finding him again, even if it was an accident.

I miss you. Rory nodded at her comment, "Yeah. Right. I think we just, you know, kind of do the best we can. I guess." What the hell was he saying? If he was going to go, he needed to go so he took a step towards the door. "I uh, gave the front desk lady my insurance information so I'll--" Shaking his head at himself, he sighed, "Sorry. You don't.. care about insurance information. I'm.. I'll.. right.." It was so good seeing you. "I'll... bye." Rory gave a quick nod of his head and then turned, heading out the door and forcing himself not to look back or run back the way he wanted to.

He didn't even hug her goodbye. She watched him go hoping he'd just ... turn around but...

Tears stung her eyes and Juliet knew she needed out of that ER now. She needed to be gone before she ran into Nichol or any of her other higher ups. She needed to stay away from Icaro, she didn't need the Chief seeing her weak like this. The door to the nearest on call room was locked, but, there was an open supply closet across the hall and that was good enough for now.

Closing the door behind her she broke down, sliding down the door onto the ground. She hadn't cried like this in years. It wasn't fair that he could just .. waltz out the door like she was just his doctor.

Eventually she calmed down, figuring it'd only been ten minutes or so. Checking her phone almost an hour and a half had passed since she'd left the ER. Shit, shit, shit, shit. She knew she needed to get back to Johnny or she was dead.

#para #chara:rory weston

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drrameyfanpage · 5 years

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Just a Walk in the Park: Chapter 4

Author’s Note: First, I’m so blown away about all the wonderful comments! I want to reply to each of you but I’m trying to figure out when replying how to reply as this account and not my personal account.

I’m not sure how happy I am with the first half of the chapter but it is what it is. That being said I’m have no real knowledge of anything medical, so this is all just my best guess. I’m also already up to chapter 14. I’m trying to proof read it before post I it, but that’s the least fun part about writing.

If you want on the tag list let me know!

Tag List:

@paisleylovergirl

“You missed a banging party.” Elijah grinned as he wheeled himself into the kitchen the next morning.

“Where were you anyway?” Jackie asked downing a glass of orange juice. “Were you out walking the neighborhood again?” Jackie raised an eyebrow.

“Walking the neighborhood?” Sienna said sounding worried coming down the hall.

Alexandra rolled her eyes. “I wondered off.” She shrugged.

“That’s how people get snatched.” Sienna said sounding more worried.

“Well I’m fine.”

Jackie eyed her but said nothing. “Is someone going to wake Landry?”

“Let him sleep.” Sienna grinned.

“Fine, I’m going to hit the gym.” Jackie said making her way towards the front door.

Alexandra headed back to her room. She open her photos and went to the one she had taken of Ethan last weekend. He was so different from any person she had ever met. He seemed to feel things on deeper level and she understood that. She too felt things deeply. He was her boss and she knew she needed to stay away from him. He had said he wouldn’t date his boss, so what would make him date a subordinate. Though they had held hands and she knew she felt something for him already.

She shook her head. He only wanted friendship, she was sure of it. Holding hands had been a way for him to confirm he could trust her, she told herself.

Sienna knocked on her open door. Alexandra looked at the photo one more time before closing out and tossing her phone aside.

“Got a minute?” Sienna smiled.

“For you? Of course.” Alexandra shifted so she was sitting on her bed.

“You missed a good party.” Sienna said as she sat down on the end of the bed.

“So I’ve heard.” She laughed.

“Where did you go?”

She shrugged. “Out. I need some air.”

“You were gone most of the night, by the time you got back everything was almost over. Bryce was worried. I was worried.”

“I appreciate the concern, but I was fine.”

“I thought you were on board for the party. If you weren’t it wasn’t fair that we made you feel like you needed to leave.”

“Sienna, no one made me feel like I should leave. I left because I wanted to. I actually had a really nice evening.”

“Are you sure?”

“Positive. Now tell me all the crazy things I missed.”

Sienna smiled and pulled her phone out. “I think the best thing that happened was,” She dropped her voice. “Landry got drunk and started dancing.”

“Please tell me you have a video!”

Sienna grinned and passed her the phone.

Monday was back to work. It was nice to have Sunday off together but almost all of them were going into a seven or eight day work stretch.

“Dr. Flynn, Dr. Olsen you’re with Dr. Ramsey today.” Dr. Delarosa said handing them a chart. “He’s probably on third floor.”

Once everyone had orders they were off in separate directions. She and Landry headed for the elevator. They found Ethan standing outside the patient’s room with Chief Emery and Aurora. He looked past them looking annoyed and made eye contact with Alexandra before he quickly broke it.

“We can send Dr. Olsen back down to Ines, she can give him something else.” Chief Emery said.

“I’m not sending either doctor back. I’ll work with all three of them then.” He looked at the three-younger people in front of him before turning away. “I hope you’ve all gone over of the chart.”

They followed after him, Aurora pushing herself in front of the other two. Alexandra rolled her eyes.

“Present.” Ethan snapped crossing his arms.

“Male forty-two. Symptoms include shortness of breath, chest and left arm pain.”

“Mr. Riley.” Alexandra said when Aurora was finished.

“Excuse me?” Aurora looked back at her sharply.

“That’s his name and he’s right there.”

Aurora went to snap at her but Ethan cut her off, “Dr. Flynn, what do you think is causing this?”

“His chart says he’s already been looked over for a heart attack. His EKG came with no damage from a heart attack.”

“We should run more tests.” Aurora cut in.

“Before we do that we should look at everything. Not just give him unnecessary tests.”

“Dr. Olson, you looked over the chart, is there anything we’re missing?” Aurora asked focusing her attention on the nervous man.

“Uh, no I don’t believe so.” He mumbled looking apologetic at Alexandra.

She looked at Ethan who raised an eyebrow slightly. It was then she knew of course he already knew what was wrong. She pulled from his presences and faced Mr. Riley. “It says when started feeling the symptoms of a heart attack, you were having sexual intercourse.”

“Well was about to, yes.” He answered ringing his hands together.

“Were you feeling any anxiety leading up to that?” He shook his head no, but it was clear he was nervous. “Extreme attacks of anxiety can mimic the signs of a heart attack.” She continued. “Before we run more tests and cost you more money I just want to cross this off the list.”

He sighed and let his head fall back against the pillow. “I’ve been having trouble.” He looked at Ethan. “I’ve always had some trouble, but nothing like this. I couldn’t turn her away one more time. I started to panic and then she started freaking out it was a heart attack. I just went with it.”

“You said you’ve always had trouble, are you on any medication for it?” Alexandra asked.

“No. I’ve managed over the years.”

“We can prescribe something for it.”

“You mean Viagra?” He asked sounding deflated.

“Well, yes.”

“I’ll never live this down if the soccer team finds out.” He sighed. “If… if you think it will help, I guess I could try it.” He refused to look at either woman instead still looking at Ethan.

“We’ll need some more information from you. I’ll send a nurse in to get that. Meanwhile, I’ll write a prescription and Dr. Emery will be back later to go over side effects.” With that he led the other three doctors out of the room.

Once they were out in the hall he turned to them, holding his hands behind his back. “You three are just a few of the many who are fighting for a spot on my team. This was your first test. Being on the diagnostic team can be fast paced and time sensitive. Other times it taking the time to read over a chart and putting two and two together for a simple problem. Being on this team is like being a detective. Pay attention and follow the clues. Dr. Emery you’ll follow-up with this patient. Dr. Olsen, Dr. Delarosa has another patient for you. Dr. Flynn you figured it out, so you’re with me the rest of the day.”

She followed after him as he walked down the hall. Feeling the need to fill the silence she spoke up about their last patient. “I hope my partner would feel like he could tell me something like that.”

“Or you could find a partner who would know exactly what he needed to do to care of your needs.”

“So you’re saying you would have no problem taking Viagra and telling your partner?” She looked over and up at him as they walked.

“No, I wouldn’t have a problem. Though she wouldn’t have to worry because I’m more than good in that department.” He smirked.

She didn’t know what to say that, so she followed him to the next patient.

The day passed fast but uneventful. Alexandra enjoyed being with Ethan all day. Though he was mostly professional only a few times he would make a joke or say something that had her smiling.

September faded into October and soon Halloween was at the end of the week. Much of the month had passed like that day. Ethan giving “tests” to see who he would focus his attention on as he made his way through the list of Candidates.

Alexandra stood at one of the nurse’s stations filling out her last chart for the day. Ethan stood a few steps away talking to a nurse about medication for a patient.

“Tell me you’re going to dress up as sexy doctor?” Bryce grinned as he came to stand beside her.

“That would be a no.” She said.

“So what are you dressing up as?”

“Why would I dress up?”

“Leave it to Jackie not say anything. The bar is having a costume contest Friday night. Everyone is headed there after work.”

“Oh.”

“You don’t sound excited.” Bryce pouted.

Ethan tried not to listen to conversation and focus on his own.

She shrugged. “It’s not really my kind of thing.”

“You know you think I would figure that out since you weren’t big on the party your roomies had. Do you work Saturday night?”

She fumbled with what to say. “No.”

“Great, let me take you out.”

“Bryce…”

“It’s just dinner.” He gave her his boyish grin.

She glanced behind him and Ethan was gone. Feeling disappointed she gave in. “Sure, why not.”

Alexandra was late leaving the hospital Friday. Jackie had tried to convince her to come over to the bar for at least one drink. She thought if she was late getting ready to leave she might be able to sneak home. She was on her way to change when Ethan ran passed her.

He turned jogging backwards to look at her. “I’ve got a good one if you want in.” He had taken the on call shift. Halloween night was always crazy and he enjoyed a good dumb stunt gone wrong. He turned back around not waiting for answer and pushed the door open for the steps.

She wasted no time and was right behind him. He grinned at her as he held the door open for her at bottom.

Soon they were beside a gurney with Rafael and nurses. “Male twenty-eight. Decided to climb a tree dressed as superman. Went to jump and his cape snagged. He fell and impaled himself on the tree limb below. Fire department had to cut the limb free. He lost a lot of blood and was unconscious when we got there.” Rafael let Ethan take his place next to the gurney. “I got a badass one for you newbie.” He smiled at Alexandra.

Ethan frowned at the interaction. “We’ll take it from here.” He dismissed Rafael and Alexandra gave him a look at his rude behavior. “Let’s get him to an OR.” He looked at a nurse. “We’ll need the portable x-ray to see the internal damage, but I have feeling we’re going to need to get this tree out of him sooner than later.”

It had taken almost four hours for them to get the man stable enough to remove the tree and then remove it. It had been a thrill getting to be in the OR with Ethan. He continually gave her directions and walked her through everything he was doing and why. At certain times letting her take over small tasks. He even let her deliver the good news to the parents.

She couldn’t calm down as they walked away from the waiting room where parents had been waiting. “Oh man, I’m not going to sleep tonight.”

“I’m glad it didn’t ruin any Halloween plans.” Ethan said trying to be casual.

Alexandra didn’t even notice. “That was a million times better than any plans. I learned so much and got to remove a tree from someone’s abdomen!”

“I’m glad you were around.” He said before he could stop himself. “It’s late, why don’t you go get your stuff and I’ll drive you home.”

They met in the parking garage and he pulled the door open for her. They hadn’t seen each other outside of work since the night of the party. Things had been hectic and he was trying to keep his distance.

“I was wondering,” He said gripping the steering wheel as drove. “I was thinking about getting tickets to see the Boston Symphony Orchestra next weekend. I know classical isn’t your thing but I wanted to know if you wanted to go?” Was he breathing? He was pretty sure he wasn’t breathing.

“For you I will listen to classical. I’m down. What do I wear?”

“Nothing to fancy but something cla-“

“Classical.” She grinned cutting him off.

“I was going to say classy.” He laughed.

“Can do.” She gave him an amazing smile as she pushed the door open as he stopped in front of her apartment. “Thanks for including me the OR tonight. It was amazing experience.”

“I’m glad. Try to get some sleep.” He smiled back.

#choices open heart #dr ethan ramsey #Dr. Ethan Ramsey x MC #choices open heart fanfic #justawalkinthepark

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pretty-volatile · 5 years

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Thursday, July 25, 2019 3:45 pm

Check in on how I've been feeling

I know I'm better than I was before I was on medication. Before it was cycle after cycle after cycle of waking up feeling okay and mood/energy decreasing as the day went on til the point that I'd be crying at night, begging not to go to bed to have to start it all over again. I guess you can say I'm more stable than that now. 60 mg of Latuda was helping with the outbursts, but my body couldn't handle it. I got nauseous no matter how much I ate. So now I'm on day 2 of 40mg, starting my descent to get off Latuda and onto Lamictal. Which the pharmacy still hasn't texted me about my prescription being ready :/ but maybe it's because of the med change but I've been feeling so empty? Numb? Not really feeling anything in particular? Maybe melancholy. My dreams are still wild. Last night I was running from two people chasing me, eventually they caught up to me but I was able to use their knife to stab them and get away. Apparently I killed someone earlier in the dream and I was hiding for a while. I'm sure the people chasing me were connected somehow. Lots of past memories mashed into a new scene/plot. Also damn I was enby as fuck in my dream. At one point I was wearing a black wedding dress (lmao with my tits popping out nonetheless 😂) and then later on I was wearing a cute ass black and white tux. Damn I was on fire! But I don't know. My dreams sometimes leave me disassociating in the morning like today. I feel like I'm stuck in a waiting game. I have to wait til Monday to see my therapist. I have to wait til next Friday to see the OBGYN. I have to wait til the following Friday to see my psychiatrist again to update on meds and hopefully go over symptoms. It doesn't feel like I'm moving forward. I can only move forward once I have a diagnosis, so I know what's going on and what I have to work on. I need my feelings validated. I need someone to say you have x, y, z and that's why you've been feeling a, b, c, but that it's going to be okay because we have medications for x & y, but z you'll have to work on more in therapy. You know what I mean? I just need to know what can be helped with medication and what I need to work on more in therapy because I know I need both, but just therapy alone isn't cutting it. I've been living with whatever I have for a very long time and I need relief. I need to be able to fully relax. I've done my research. I'm experienced with what I have. I'm not just some newbie going in saying I think I might have x, y, z. I'm saying I've looked x, y, z up and I have these sets of symptoms, but I need a someone with a doctorate to be able to diagnose me with x, y, z. I don't just want to wait around when I know the answers are literally right around the bend. It's so frustrating. I'm fucking taking charge the next time I see him. I'm taking in my goddamn list of symptoms and I'm going to make him read them and if he needs examples then fine, I understand. But I can't take this waiting around shit. I'm not some fucking newbie. I've been dealing with what I have for a long ass time and I need answers now. I need to start working on solutions, but I can't do that if I don't have the official problems. It's like I'm experiencing problems, I'm taking them to the doctor to trouble shoot them so he can tell me what's wrong, and from there I'll have a list of what I can do to fix them. But the trouble shooting is taking too long. It's like the wifi is being too slow, which doesn't help when you're trying to figure out what's wrong with your computer. It sucks ass

#journal entry #bpd #borderline personality disorder #bipolar #bipolar disorder #bipolar disorder ii #bipolar ii #adhd #ocpd #anxiety #depression #mixed depression #manic depression

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kimmie113080 · 5 years

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Refusing to Yield Chapter 15

This is based on real life. Just names have been changed to protect the person identity. There is mention of all types of abuse. If that is a trig please don’t read. Reader get into a relationship with Kim Seokjin and Min Yoongi but all BTS is in this series.

I call all the hotels and airlines to added 2 more people for the flights and room reservations. Plus, while I was on the phone with the airlines, I had to inform them out of 29 people flying one was in a wheelchair. While on the phone with them found out what time we all had to be at the airport for our flight. What time we had to be at the airport by 5 am since our flight left at 9 am just to make sure we got through security and to our gate on time. Bryan, Greg and my uncle Jim were a big help to me with getting everything done. While the guys were practicing. Uncle Jim was handling transportation from the airports to all hotels and venders were the concerts are be held. Greg was handling all luggage so we could just get to the airport and not wait to check the luggage in. Bryan handling all the medical side of this tour making sure that he had all my paperwork handing when we got to airport security also made sure every two hours to put me in a different position, so I wouldn’t get any sores. Bryan and I went to the family doctor on Wednesday to talk about getting a 90-day supply of both medicines.

He explains that we were going on tour with BTS. Since I am their manager and he is a nurse who is going to be touring with the group because of my medical problems. She gave us the 90-day supply of both medicines also wrote a prescription for both medicines to have on hand. She tells us some areas like patients to have the prescription in case of an emergency. It was Friday everything was all in place to leave Monday morning. I was trying to sit up on the floor trying to figure how I was going to get out of the massive people pile on the floor in the living room to go to the bathroom and then start making breakfast for everyone. I still would cook for everyone, but I always had help. I couldn’t figure out how to through the massive people pile, so I started to rub both Jin and Yoongi to wake them up. They both wake up at the same time asking me what was wrong. First, I need to go to the bathroom and second I need to start making breakfast for everyone.

Jin said I will take you to the bathroom then we will get you dressed. Once your dressed you can start making breakfast for everyone. Okay sound like a plan to me but we all need to be at the company by 9 am. I need to go over last minute details with everyone and all of you need to meet up with the choreographer to go over our routine at least one more time. I feel like I am forgetting something that must be done. Papa m and I are going over everything in the office making sure everything is in place. Papa m I have a question for you? Yes, Ann honey what is it I feel like I am missing something, but I can’t put my finger on it. Ann honey that is why we are going over everything to make sure there is nothing missing. Ann did you or Bryan pick up your 90-day supply of both your medicines?

That is what I forgot to do. Let me call Bryan to see if he already pick them up? Bryan do you go to pick up Ann’s medicines at the pharmacy or does Ann need to go? I am at the pharmacy now. I just talked to the pharmacist Ann need to come in since I am not on her authorized paperwork who is to pick up the medicines. Okay I will Fred, Big W, little w and Jim bring Ann to pick up the medicines. I will let her know that you need to be put on the authorized paperwork to be able to pick her medicine up in the future. Ann honey you need to go to the pharmacy to pick up your medicine and add Bryan to the authorized paperwork for him to be able to pick up your medicines in the future? Okay papa m I have no problem adding him to the authorized paperwork. I now have another question? Are you think about hiring Bryan full time has a nurse for the company?

Why are you asking that? You said so Bryan will be able to pick up my medicine I the future? Papa m is talking again was going to talk to you about that. He did protect you over 2 years ago plus we don’t know kind of surgery they will do on you or if they can even do the surgery. I was thinking it would be a good idea to have him on staff full time not just for you but everyone else to. I think it is a good idea also. We should talk to him tonight to see how he feels about working for the company full time has a nurse. You know there are going to be 2 extra people in the house this weekend. Are you going to be able to handle it papa m? Papa m is talking Ann honey everyone that is going to be in our home this weekend all cares and want to protect you, so I have no problem with 2 extra people in our home. Papa m calls Fred, Big W, little w and uncle Jim into his office.

Yes, Mike what needs to be done? Fred is asking papa m. You guys need to take Ann to the pharmacy, so she can pick up her medicines. She also needs to add Bryan to the authorized paperwork, so he can be able to pick up her medicine in the future. Okay we can do that. Is there anything else we must do before we all come back to the office uncle Jim is asking? No, I don’t so. Okay Ann are you ready to go? No, I don’t want to go with you David it’s the boy’s bathroom? I am not supposed to be in here.

I will not take stuff my mother gave you. Crap Ann is having a flash back from when David took her into the boy’s bathroom at school. Peanut you’re not in school anymore and David can’t hurt you anymore. You’re at work Papa m, Fred, Big W, little w and myself are all with you please fight it come back to us. I start coming around but everyone else look likes they seen a ghost. Why do all of you look like you seen a ghost? Ann honey yes you just took a flash back being in school with David in the boy’s bathroom. What I was doing good without taking any. Why would I take one today? Papa m talking maybe mentioning about your medicine sent you into one, but I don’t know.

Little w is talking now. We might have to call it your treat all the time since just mentioning you must pick it up sent you into one. Papa m is everyone done working for the day. Why do want to know Ann honey? I don’t think it was the mention of my medicine that put me into a flash back. What do you think caused it? Remember how all this started. The last time we were all on tour and David found me because of the tracker he put on my phone. I think it was caused by all the prep work we have done in the last couple of days. So, I was thinking if everyone was done for the day, we could go spend it at the park all 29 of us?

Papa m is talking let me see if the guys are done yet before you five head out to the pharmacy to meet up with Bryan? Fred can you call Greg to see if he is done yet. Fred said yes to calling Greg to see if he is done. If he is done do you want him to meet us at your office Mike? Yes, Fred that would be great. Little w call all you guys and have them meet us in the lobby and the same with you Big W? Okay Papa m we can do that. Jim can you please take Ann to her office so she can grab all her stuff then bring her back here. Uncle Jim is talking yes Mike I can do that come on peanut let go get all the paperwork we work hard on all this week? Okay uncle Jim let’s do this.

Namjoon are all of you done working with the choreographer yet? We just finished. Is there a problem? Yes and no. Can you get away from Jin and Yoongi for a couple of minutes? I am in the hallway to answer your call. Ann just had a flash back with David but this time he was dragging Ann into the boy’s bathroom. Crap is she okay? Yes, she is okay, but she wants all 29 of us to go to a park or somewhere in the nature. That sounds like a good idea. We haven’t done that since we came back from our little getaway.

Do you know what case the flash back all, but Ann think it was mention of her medicine? She thinks it is from going back on tour because that is when everything started happening. You know both of answer could be right. We will just have to keep an eye what we say and write down what was said before she has a flash back to see if there is a pattern. That is a smart idea I will bring it up to Ann when she gets back to my office. Jim just took her to grab all paperwork that we need for the tour. Was Jim in the room before she took it? Yes, he is the one who got her out of it. Okay let me go so I can tell everyone what we are going to be doing this afternoon. Okay Ann, Fred, Big W, little w and Jim will have to meet us there since she must pick up her medicine and added Bryan on the authorized paperwork.

Yes, Sean I have a conference call from the jail Ann’s mother wants to speak to you over the phone. Okay we can do that, but Ann is supposed to come back to my office give me one minute before we do this. Fred, Big W, little w can you please meet Jim and Ann to go get her medicine and bring Bryan with you all to the park. All of us will meet you at whatever park Ann wants to go to. Okay Mike is everything okay? Yes, I must take a conference call before the rest of us can leave. Sean I am back let’s do this call. Mike it is Sandy. I know who it is and what do you want? I want to know the truth first is Ann really your daughter and two how serve is this back thing? You should be receiving a copy of the DNA results since the judge was at the hospital the day it was done.

The back problem is severity but why do you care all a certain? You didn’t listen to her when she was school. I don’t need to tell you anything because Ann is over the age of 18 and can make her own medical decision. Please just promise me you will take care of your daughter and make sure she has the best life she can have now. I will take care of my daughter and she will have a better life than what she did before. Thank you please keep her away from Frank, Steve and David if they even get out. Sandy don’t do anything stupid in there because you know Ann will blame herself if anything happens to you. I don’t plan on doing anything stupid Mike, but I just want to make sure Ann is being taken care of now and forever. I will take care of Ann plus, all the guys around her will make sure nothing will ever happen to her. Sandy, I must go finish some last minutes arrangements for this up coming tour.

Okay, Mike goodbye and goodbye to you Sandy. Sean are you still on the line. Yes, Mike I am what do you think all this means. I don’t know Mike, but I can call the judge to see if we can put Ann’s mother on watch? I don’t want to do that. Maybe now she realizes that she messed up Ann’s life. I don’t know but I am going to tell Ann that I talked to her mother and what all she said to me. Did you hear how she called Ann my daughter and not our daughter? Yes, Mike I did and that is a good thing. I must get going Ann wanted all of us to go to a park since we have been working hard for this up coming tour and she wants all of us to relax in the nature.

That sounds like fun maybe I should join all of you at the park, but I would have to be my dog with me. I think Ann would like to see you on a good note instead of when legal stuff must be done. What kind of dog do you have Sean because I have a feeling when we get back from tour, I am going to have to get someone a dog? Who do you think is going want the dog more Ann or Tae? Ann is probably going to want a dog more then anyone else. I have been thinking about getting Ann a service animal because of her physical problems. I have a German Shepard. Okay call me when you know what park everyone is going to be at so I can bring lady to the park? Okay Sean not a problem. Mike are you ready to leave?

Yes, I am Greg and Namjoon. Do we know what park Ann wants to go to? The one over by home why. Sean wants to bring lady his German Shepard to the park so Ann can play with the dog. Plus, the only time Ann sees Sean is when we have legal matter for him to handle. Do you think it is wise to bring lady around because you know she might want a dog when we get back from the tour? Yes, I do think it is wise because I want to see how Ann interacts with the dog. I have been thinking a lot about getting a service animal for Ann physical problems. We don’t know if the surgery will help repair some of the damage and if it doesn’t, I am afraid Ann might try to give up doing anything productive. I am going to wait and see how Ann does with lady at the park before I make my decision.

Sean yes, Mike the park by my house is where we all are going to be at. Okay Mike and does Ann know I am coming with lady? No, I want to see her face when you bring lady over to Ann. Who brought blankets for Ann to lay on? Fred and uncle Jim went to the house to bring a couple of blankets so I could get out of the chair and lay down. We figure since Big W, little w and Bryan was with Ann it would have been okay to run and get blankets for Ann. That was a great idea so she could stretch out. Ann, I have a surprise for you? What is my surprise if I tell you it wouldn’t be a surprise? Wait is that Sean with a German Shepard?

Yes, it is Sean with a German Shepard Ann. That is your surprise we figure the only time you see Sean is when legal matter had to be done. Can you call Sean to let the dog of the leash so I can call it to me please? Sean yes, Mike can you let lady of her leash so Ann can call the dog to her? Yes, tell to call her lady and she will come right to her okay Sean. Ann the dog name is lady you must call her name and will come right to you. Okay papa m thanks you so much for this surprise. Ann let’s have Jin sit behind so lady will not knock you over okay? Yes, papa m I am okay with that. Come here lady look how fast lady is running to get to Ann.

Hi lady what a pretty girl you are? Thank you for the kiss’s lady. Sean just finally got to all of us. Sean how old is lady? Lady is a year old. Wow for a year old she listens well. Can I take her for a walk Sean? Yes, Ann has long as someone else goes with both of you. Fred, Yoongi and Jin do you all want to go for a walk with lady and me? Yes, Ann we all love to go for a walk with you and lady. Ann yes, Sean I don’t know how lady will handle you be in the wheelchair so please don’t get upset if she doesn’t walk beside you? I promise I will not get upset if she doesn’t want to walk beside me.

Let’s put lady’s leash back on so we don’t get in trouble okay Ann. Yes, Sean she is your dog so I must obey what you want done. Lady you ready to go for a walk. Okay gets go Fred, Yoongi, Jin and lady. Ann looks so happy out here with lady. Jim yes, why does Ann love be in the outdoors so much? Before everything started with Ann’s family, I would take her camping, hiking, fishing, swimming teaches her about the outdoors. We had a little getaway and she was showing us how to enjoy the outdoors like you taught her. Why is lady and Ann the only two coming back? Sean lady is pulling the wheelchair something is wrong.

Everyone helps me now. Sean, Bryan and Greg all of you get lady and Ann. We need to find out first what is going on? Tim it is David, Steve and my so-call father. They are straight behind me. Fred, Yoongi and Jin stand behind so lady could get me back to safety. They tied lady to the chair and told her to come back to her master and that is what she did. Your honor yes, Sean I am at the park by where Ann lives with everyone and David, Frank and Steve are in the park. Where is everyone at. Ann wanted to take my dog lady for a walk so Fred, Jin and Yoongi went with her.

They tied my dog to her chair so Ann could get away. Fred, Jin and Yoongi stand behind to make sure Ann got away but everyone else just went running to make sure Fred, Jin and Yoongi are okay and to let them know we have Ann. Sheriff are already on the scene since I am in the same park. Bryan what is wrong with Ann? Sean can you get a hold of everyone? Why Bryan Ann is having a panic attack and a flash back all in one. Your honor did you just hear? Yes, Sean I just heard we all are on your way to her now. Please leave alone I don’t want to be touch there. David don’t tie me up so everyone can use me the way they want to.

Please someone get them off me. I can’t move why can’t I move. Ann it is Bryan the nurse from the hospital you are safe my brother Greg is also here you went to school with him. David and everyone else who ever hurt you can’t hurt you anymore. Ann it is Greg we are here they can’t hurt you anymore my brother and I won’t let them. Lady get down off Ann. Sean let lady stay on Ann. She might help bring Ann out of the flash back. It has been proven that dog can help people with flash back and able to bring them out of it sometimes a lot quick then a person. Ann how are you feeling okay.

Do you remember what happen? I remember Fred, Jin, Yoongi, Lady and I where going for a walk when David, Frank and Steve showed up. Okay what else they tied lady to my chair and told her to get back to her master. Oaky good I remember yelling for everyone help has we got closer and told everyone what was happening. They asked you, Greg and Sean to stay behind to take care of me and lady. Sean then called the judge telling him we all were in the park near our home. The last thing I remember was Sean tell the judge everyone else went to make sure Fred, Jin and Yoongi knew I was with us and make sure they were okay. Mike, yes Sean you all can slow down Ann is out of the flash back and panic attack and she remember almost everything leading up to them. I am putting you on speaker hold up everyone Sean repeat that again for all of us. Ann is out of the flash back and panic attack and remembers almost everything lead up to them.

Between Bryan, Greg and lady they were able to get Ann out of them. Bryan started to see Ann coming back around asked how she was feeling and if she remembers what had happened. So, you are telling me you watched Bryan, Greg and lady bring Ann back from a flash back and a panic attack? Yes, Mike I am telling you that and Bryan was able to get her to recall almost all the events that lead up to them? Yes, Mike I don’t think any of us have been able to do that or we just didn’t know to do that. Okay thank you please stay them until we get there okay. I will Mike and you need to get a service animal for Ann. I will let Bryan explain why when you get here. Everyone we need to talk for a minute before we go back. I had a conference call with Ann’s mother right before we left the office and asked me if it was true Ann is my daughter and asked about the severity of her back.

I told her she should be receiving the results any day now. Before I said anything about Ann’s back. I asked why a of certain do you care because you never listen to Ann when she was I school. I told her it is bad but that is all I told her since Ann is over 18, she doesn’t need to know the about her medical or what decision Ann makes. She asked me no matter what please protect Ann from David, Frank and Steve. Did Bryan anyone see Bryan make a call or text anyone? No, Mike and he didn’t leave Ann side once we got here. He was right beside me showing Ann different videos on YouTube. Greg was with us and he didn’t make a call or text either. I just think it is weird Ann mother asked me that and they should up at the same park, same time we all were here, and we all think it is weird also.

The only one who knew what Ann’s mother said to me was Sean and he was the only one by myself to know to what park we where in. Sean told Ann she couldn’t walk the dog by herself maybe that was just a cover so no one would get suspicious of him. Your honor, yes may I ask who is calling? It is Mike Ann’s dad. Yes, Mike how can I help you? I need to ask a favor while we are gone on tour can you search all my lawyer’s phone records. I can do that but why is there something wrong? I don’t know yet. He is the only one who wasn’t around anyone who knew we were going to a park today and Frank, David and Steve just so happen show up at the same park and time we are here. Plus, Ann’s mother conference called me and asked me to protect Ann if David, Frank and Steve even got out. Mike that does sound a little suspicious to me also.

Did Ann’s mother say anything else? Wanted to know if it was true, I am Ann’s dad, how severity Ann’s back is. Please just promise me you will take care of your daughter and make sure she has the best life she can have now. I told her I will take care of my daughter and she will have a better life now then she did before. Who is with Ann now Sean, Greg and Bryan? Greg stood up at a company meeting about the security and Ann told everyone what Ann was saying was true he went to school with Ann and Big W. Okay what about Bryan is Greg brother he is a nurse who took care of Ann when she went to the E.R. before she made her big escape from David. The night David was asked to leave the hospital Bryan protected Ann from David after he got him of her plus, little w knows him. They both check out Sean is the one I am worried about. We need to get about to them but please investigate Sean for us.

I can do that Mike plus all of you have a safe trip and keep protecting Ann. We will your honor and thank you. Ann honey are you okay? Where are all of you at coming up the hill now why? Sean just left in a hurry with lady and I need to go pee. Okay we are right here. Jim can you Jin and Yoongi take Ann to the bathroom. Yes, we can do that Mike. Did Sean say why he had to leave? No, Mike but he look a little nervous to us and Ann got upset soon as Sean pulled lady out of her lap.

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