#and of course sometimes love involves sacrifice or suffering

[hamliet]

Beauty and the Beast, But Make It BL

Or, about a year after the hype Hamliet finally watches KinnPorsche properly instead of just clips.

My overall thoughts are that I really, really enjoyed it. The characters were likable and interesting, and plenty flawed. The story also had some really fascinating ideas and nice fire, water, and air symbolism, as well as a really beautiful retelling of Beauty & the Beast. The main couples all foiled one another in interesting, thought-provoking ways. VegasPete? Is one of my favorite love stories in any media ever.

The side characters were also really well done, for the most part. I loved Kinn's friends, and Yok was a standout in terms of her mentorly role. And, the other bodyguards each got their own personality. Arm and Big were particular standouts to me, and I appreciated how Big's story arc (his unrequited love for Kinn) was handled: with subtlety, but thematic impact. His sacrifice showed Porsche that love sometimes involves sacrificing for the person you love.

The series also used symbolism fairly well. The lighting always changed to colored/rainbow lighting when it was a romantic scene, and stayed natural when it was not. The use of mirrors and windows, and phoenix/fire with Kinnporsche and water with Vegaspete, was intelligently woven into the story. I do think some of the symbolism was too heavy-handed at points, though.

Of course, because I'm me, I do have quite a few critiques as well, which mostly has to do with what I saw as potential that went untapped. The story never did anything "wrong" exactly, but it just never dug into how much potential it had. The foiling was strongly set up, but it could have been far more powerful than it was.

The plot was basically *vibes* which I'm okay with because I'm not super into plot in general, but unfortunately, as can happen when plot is weak, the themes suffered for it. If plot is a tour guide through a story's themes and characters, this was somewhat of a bumbling one... with an occasional stroke of brilliance that reinforced how satisfying the potential was.

Kinn + Porsche

Let's start with the main couple. I really enjoyed their characters, but I wasn't as invested in them as I was in the other characters I'll be covering. They seemed more like ideas rather than human beings, even though they had more complexity than some of the other, more human characters. While that might sound contradictory, what I mean by that is that the other characters always had drive and purpose for the narrative, while Kinn and Porsche sometimes felt more like vehicles (heh, get it, because--) to get to something that never quite arrived.

Kinn and Porsche also started off the series really strong, but weakened after they got together. After they were together, the writers kept bringing up the issue of "trust" between them, but I wasn't quite sure what they were trying to say about trust. And maybe they were just trying to explore the different sides of trust rather than give any particular message, but I thought it was a bit messily handled.

Still. Still. Porsche's line in the final episode, where he pointed out to Kinn that he was there not because he was on the minor family's side, nor because he was on the major family's side, but because he was on Kinn's side, was beautiful.

Kinn also starts off as a dark foil of Vegas... which is interesting because Vegas is so intensely jealous of Kinn and wants to be like him, and is set up as the antagonist. But we'll get there. Vegas kidnaps Porsche and attempts to make it look like he was assaulted, but Kinn saves him... only to assault Porsche himself. (I did appreciate the way the narrative did frame it well, which I wasn't expecting in a boy's love story.) Kinn then compounded it by punishing Porsche for his mistake--essentially, doing to Porsche what Vegas was doing to Kinn and would later do to Pete.

The irony, of course, is that the narrative still frames Kinn as a protagonist, but without giving him a halo. We're allowed to see that he is, intrinsically, no better of a human being than Vegas. Maybe even worse, depending on how you judge.

Porsche outright telling Kinn that he had hurt him, while Vegas hadn't (even if, kinda) and Kinn actually having to work to earn his forgiveness and trust--all of this was well handled.

Kinn's final realization in the wilderness that he could not keep Porsche and his act of selflessly setting him free , followed by a literal sacrifice, mimics what Vegas would have to do in later episodes with Pete, as well.

When they consensually have sex for the first time, it starts because Vegas again makes a move on Porsche... right in front of a mirror. Then, Kinn bursts in and Vegas leaves, and Kinn takes his place in the mirror with Porsche.

The symbolism is clever here and poignant: Kinn, you are Vegas. I just wish he had been asked to do more with that realization, particularly after the Tawan incident (later).

Again, my main issue is that I wish the show had more an idea of what it wanted to say concerning the theme of "trust" between these two. Especially after they got together, it all seemed a bit hazy.

The theme that was best explored with them was the idea of being a human being. Porsche continually insists that he's a person who decides his future for himself, while Kinn is like "I control your life; your life is mine, I can kill you at any time because you're just a bodyguard" early on. However, towards the end of the series, when they exchange quasi-wedding vows in one of the final scenes on a ship on the same river where Kinn first offered Porsche a job and Porsche told him he'd rather drown, there's a really beautiful moment where Kinn tells Porsche that they are making a new family together, and Porsche tells him again that he's not on any family's side--just Kinn's side. And then he tells him:

Porsche: All my life... is yours Kinn: I promise you, I'll treasure it.

It's almost fairy tale esque in this scene, showing how far they've come. It also emphasizes that the point is that Kinn recognizes Porsche's humanity, and Porsche still affirms his own. Humanity is not a drawback but a benefit, because Porsche chooses Kinn, and choice is the realm of human beings.

Vegas + Pete

*screams* VEGASPETE ARE EVERYTHING

But honestly. I've talked how Vegas (who is, undoubtedly, the best written character) foils Kinn and will talk about Tawan, Kim, and Tankhun later on. Firstly, though, we have Vegas and Pete, asking the main thematic question of this series:

(As a human, of course. Except that's not easy.)

Vegas was so clearly my favorite type of character (Lee Yut-Lung from Banana Fish, Akutagawa Ryunosuke from Bungo Stray Dogs, Illumi Zoldyck from Hunter x Hunter, etc.) Someone who just so, so desperately wants to be loved, especially by his father, and cannot fathom why he does not have it. So he lashes out at everyone around him, especially those he's jealous of. He might claim that he's jealous of Kinn's power, but he's really jealous that Kinn is loved not just by Porsche, but by his brothers, by his bodyguards, even by his father (for all Korn's faults--and we're gonna get there--I do think Korn loves his sons).

This is so profoundly seen when Vegas initially kidnaps Pete and forces him to call his Grandma. Vegas leans in, groping Pete to make him terrified, but as soon as Pete tells his grandma he loves her, Vegas jerks back and rips the phone out of his hand. It's another reminder to Vegas that love exists, but he can't have it.

The only thing that truly shows Vegas love is his hedgehog... which of course is a symbol for Vegas himself (here's where I think the symbolism was too heavy-handed--not that he had a hedgehog nor what happened with it, but in that Pete actually bluntly tells him that he is the hedgehog. Leave it to your viewers, we're smart enough to get that.) The hedgehog, of course, is prickly and spiky but soft inside, just like Vegas.

The hedgehog is also specifically Vegas's inner child, in Jungian terms. It's always sick and dying, and he's afraid of it dying, but also afraid to actually recognize it. He doesn't name the hedgehogs because they always die. This is symbolizing how Vegas never really had a childhood, or the chance to develop normally. His father always beat it out of him and let him think that it was his fault, just like Vegas blames himself for the hedgehogs' deaths.

Vegas's father is the biggest obstacle in his growth. He can't ever truly grow up and overcome the father figure until his father's gone. Again, the symbolism is pretty blatant (but well done): Vegas is literally reading the novel Childhood's End, but his father slaps it out of his hand.

The message is clear: Vegas can't ever grow up until he lets go of his father. Fittingly, he's then seen reading the book again after making a meal for Pete.

Vegas and Pete are actually quite similar, not just in their terrible dads, but in that both of them, at their core, truly don't believe they are human beings. They don't believe they deserve love, or life, or anything. They're animals. Hence, Pete actually being called a pet is actually also Vegas pointing out how he sees himself.

But what they really want is to be human, which means to be free and to live.

Consequently, both Vegas and Pete are suicidal. Vegas drops about a million hints that he wants to die before he actually attempts it, even telling Pete he's feeding him so "you'll have energy to kill me."

Vegas self-harms too, and Pete tells him not to. Yet, after they have sex, Pete hits himself when Vegas can't see, telling himself that he didn't like it, even though he initiated. The reason they are both lost after they have sex is that neither of them are free physically or emotionally.

We see Vegas trying to do the right thing and making a fancy meal for Pete, even standing up to his father for a moment, only to have his father tell him he wishes he wasn't his son. At that added cruelty, Vegas smashes the meal he made, proving that even though he thought he was free of his father because he was in love with Pete, he wasn't. Not yet.

And Pete thought he was going to be free because of sex with Vegas, but Vegas still left him chained. Hence, he attempts suicide in front of Vegas. He also then calls Vegas out on everything in a well-done way, pointing out that Vegas is projecting his feelings of inhumanity onto him:

Need me? Like a pet with no feelings for emotional projection? I'm a human, Vegas... I have nothing left, not even my humanity.

Pete is then pointing out to us that after Vegas's childhood is grieved (shown in how Pete helps Vegas bury and put flowers at the hedgehog's grave), Pete embodies Vegas's humanity. If the hedgehog and his childhood should be grieved, because he'll never get them back, he can still have a human future in Pete. But to do that he has to embrace his inner humanity, and he cannot chain it up and take it out when he wants it, because that's just not how human beings work.

Even through making Pete realize and admit just how miserable he was--that he has no use and should just die, thereby showing Vegas that Pete truly does understand how Vegas feels--Vegas doesn't find what he thought he'd find. It's not comforting to be empathized with when it means someone you love is suffering so.

Vegas's apology to Pete is genuine, like Kinn's earlier, and heartfelt. Once his dad is dead, you'd really think he'd be free, but he's very much not. All his self-loathing, all his worst fears, have finally come true. Freedom isn't really found through death, but through embracing life and love. The hedgehog didn't have to die for Vegas to live, because death isn't freeing really. But choosing to live, even when you're in pain, for someone you love--that can be freeing.

Pete's "there is no legacy so rich as honesty" tattoo is somewhat amusing to me, because the quote comes from Shakespeare's All's Well That Ends Well, a play that is considered a "problem play," in that no one can quite decide what genre it is. Also, "honesty" in the play's context is actually "virginity," which also seems to fit, but anyways. The genre/problem play thing is interesting because Kinnporsche itself, as a show, seems to zig-zag between whether it's a comedy, romance, or serious crime drama. I think the reference is somewhat meta, but should have been delved into more.

The play is also relevant in that All's Well That Ends Well is about families, too--particularly how sons struggle to define themselves when it comes to being compared to their fathers, and how they react when they feel like they have limited choices in life. Hrm, hrm, Vegas.

Anyways, Vegas and Pete totally deserved their beautiful ending. When Vegas wakes up post being shot and tells Pete:

You're not my pet. You're the most important person in my life.

It's a great way to tie the themes of their arcs together. Firstly, it is a fairy tale ending. Secondly, it's an affirmation of Pete's humanity, the thing they both doubted they had. Lastly, it's affirmation that Vegas chooses Pete, and in choosing, affirms his own humanity. That Macau then bursts in calling Pete his brother-in-law and welcoming him to the family is adorable and shows Vegas just how much he has.

Kim + Chay

So now that we've talked about two self-destructive emotionally constipated men, let's talk about the other one in the other major relationship: Kim.

Kim's actor does a great job of showing how Kim maintains a veneer of cool aloofness when Chay confronts him, but is internally panicking. Kim is reckless, running into battle to save Chay in literally nothing but a tank top. When Chay calls him on who he is, Kim doesn't even try to defend himself. When he saves Chay again at Yok's bar, he makes sure Chay doesn't even notice.

Unlike Kinn and Vegas, who are too active and possessive, Kim is too passive and cowardly. He cuts himself off from people not because he doesn't love them--he clearly does--but because he feels like he's bad luck. Essentially, the same issue Chay has--that he feels like he brings bad luck.

But, that's not how life works. Human beings don't bring good or bad luck. It depends on choices, another theme from Vegaspete and Kinnporsche that wasn't delved into as deeply as it should have been. Still, choice is an integral part of being human, and the show does depict this.

Still, it was a nice touch to literally have Kim wear a shirt with the word "human" on the front the same episode Pete insists "I'm a human, Vegas." Pete, of course, tells Vegas he has choices to make, and Vegas then tells Porsche that same thing in the final episode: that it's time to make a choice.

Anyways. The unfortunate thing is that the series didn't fully explore Kimchay in the same way they did Vegaspete. That's especially clear in the cliffhanger ending, though I think it was fairly clear that they were heading towards something positive. After all, Kim finally does something he needed to do: saying outright that he is singing for Porchay. Keep working, boy.

On a production level instead of narrative, I'm guessing the actor's ages may have played a role in them not fully exploring their story. Idk. I think the implications--the fade out with a way-too-dramatic kiss on the cheek that the fade obscured and them waking up together--were that they were sleeping together, but because of the actors' ages they clearly cannot and should not show that. But I wish the writers hadn't let that limit them--there are other ways to show growth and explore issues even if you can't directly use sex to do so. See, the sex scenes between Vegas and Pete and Kinn and Porsche were well done, and always had interesting meaning and commentary to them, which is great. I just wonder if they let the fact that they couldn't use this motif stifle their creativity when it came to exploring Kim and Chay's issues.

Tawan

Tawan's story was heartbreaking. He was a fairly well done, pathetic antagonist. When Vegas proposed to him, knowing tha the didn't love Tawan... that broke my heart. He was suicidal and his death ultimately foreshadowed what Vegas would later attempt to do.

But Tawan was desperate for love--truly desperate. He would do anything to be loved by Kinn, by Vegas, by anyone. But it wasn't really love for a specific person (as shown in how he switches from Kinn to Vegas) so much as that he wanted to feel safe in that love. Because denying love means denying safety, which sets him up as a good foil for Kim (who clearly thinks it's safer for your loved ones not to act like you love them)... but it wasn't ever explored.

Tawan's desperate love also foiled Chay. Yet unlike Tawan, and unlike Kim, Chay is able to express what he wants... and to assert himself when he's been disrespected and not seen as a full human being (Kim seeing him as just Porsche's brother is what breaks him).

Tankhun

Tankhun was everything. I love him. I think they could have done more with him, especially around his relationships with his brothers. Like. We only see the three brothers--Kinn, Tankhun, and Kim--in the same room ONCE in the final episode. Once! A crime, a crime, I tell you! I know next to nothing about how all three of them feel about each other and interact with one another and I WANT IT!

Ahem.

Tankhun is still, in many ways, the beating heart of the series. He wears love and his feelings on his fabulous, colorful, patterned, and often feathered sleeves. He chooses to live how he wishes, but will do things for those he loves.

He's also always right, if you pay attention--he knows Gun is bad news, and he knows Pete is in danger while Kinn and Porsche are inexplicably dumb as hell for not suspecting Pete was in danger. When Pete reappears and Tankhun literally thinks he's a zombie, he still rushes to embrace him even so, just because he loves him.

Also, Tankhun is, much like Pete and Chay, fairly pure of heart. I don't mean that in a naive way, but it's clear Tankhun is somewhat childlike because of his trauma... yet, he's still the one who adopts fish and gives them names like Elizabeth and Sebastian and mourns them. He loves his siblings, and he welcomes Chay like a new brother.

The Little Mermaid reenactment with Porsche was A Lot, but also hilarious and fitting. See, he's childish, so of course he's going to like fairy tales. He knows the world isn't one, but he still enjoys ones and wants stories where the good ones don't die, and he does his best to live a fairy tale despite everything. I really think the series should have dug into this more, especially since Kinn and Porsche and especially Vegas and Pete are very clearly modeled after Beauty and the Beast. Sigh. The potential.

Not gonna lie, I think the brother relationships were somewhat failed all throughout. Macau and Vegas's bond wasn't fully explored either, and neither was Porsche and Chay's. Like, Porsche doesn't even know about Kim and Chay, and Chay had told him about being tutored by Wik, so... wouldn't he at least ask? Sigh.

Korn

So, ironically, the brotherly relationship best fleshed out is... Korn and Gun's.

Theirs is highly tragic, and the relationship they have with their foster sister is also clearly a warning to Kim, Kinn, and Tankhun about what they could become if they prioritize the power of the mafia family over each other and their own rights to make their choices and live and love. It seems like that won't happen, given Kim and Chay and Porsche as the minor family head and Kinn, fortunately, but again I think this could have been more clearly explored.

Like, if love, both romantic and platonic and familial, offers a way forward, a potential answer (though no guarantee, see Tawan), which I think the show suggested, it should have been more heavy-handed in showing us. This also actually ties into the fairy tale motif, and the human being theme, and choice, and it just could have been so much more neatly braided together than it was. And also it works with the trust motif, because you can't control someone you trust.

I do really appreciate the ambiguity about Korn, and the uneasy lack of answers about what really happened between Korn, Gun, and Namphueng. On the one hand, Gun's utter cruelty to Vegas and Macau makes it seem more than plausible that he's the worst and he did assault Namphueng and kill her husband. On the other hand, seeing Korn murder Namphueng's husband would surely explain the vitriol he has towards Korn that seems unusually intense even for someone consumed with envy and jealousy.

I think it's clever that the series doesn't answer it for us. Even when Korn kills Gun in the end but chooses to tell his guards not to harm Vegas, despite the fact that Vegas just killed a bunch of his most loyal men, and promises to protect Vegas and Macau, we're left wondering. Is this proof that Korn is indeed the merciful man who would never have harmed Namphueng and her husband? Or is it the actions of a cruel man who killed his own brother and then told his kids not to worry because he'd provide for them, just like he did with Posrche and Chay?

Alas, what would have made this even more powerful would be an emphasis on what trust is supposed to mean... sigh.

Final Thoughts

Overall, I really enjoyed the show. I loved the characters and the three main ships. It had great ideas that could have been better explored.

Also of note: from its lighting to staging of certain scenes, it also clearly took inspiration from Queer as Folk, which is one of my favorite stories ever, and there were some potential Crime and Punishment references in Pete talking to Vegas in a scene that mimicked Sonia and Raskolnikov.

Basically, it was designed for me to fall for it, and fall for it I did. I just wish it had been refined, because it could have also been a masterpiece in addition to being entertaining (yes, really), but alas, didn't quite get there. Still, I'd definitely recommend it.

[s-dei]

First let me say, I LOVE your art.

I wondered, I’m not sure if you have a separate head cannon where Illidan didn’t sacrifice himself. But if he does/had how did poor Khadgar take it?

Sorry for the angst! 😭😭😩

hiiiiiiiii and TYSM!!! I'm really happy you love it 🌟

My main story for illigar is "written in canon" - while there is additional interactions+relationships between characters and little events, the major events are same with canon. And yes, Illidan leaves.

Angst area

It of course adds drama to the story. When Khadgar was deciding if he should date Illidan or not, he had an understanding that being an immortal creature with Legion fix, Illidan isn't going to be a family person, and even if they win the war, he is likely to take Illidari and fight the demon leftovers somewhere in the space instead from staying at Azeroth.

He expected Illidan to always put Legion before anything else, but... suddenly Illidan happened to be pretty involved into their relationship, and he was so happy with it he even forgot about his concerns. Well, he shoudn't.

It was ingame line where Illidan said "When I saw Argus, I already knew I won't come back" (or something), and in my version it happens kinda the same. He didn't told it right away to Khadgar, he didn't wanted to hurt him especially as the last haven't felt well for some time they reached Argus. But sometimes they had conversations, with Khadgar saying "when the war is over, then we will [do something]", and Illidan tried to keep his face, but Khadgar noticed him becoming grumpy, but wasn't sure about the reason and if he should ask.

Illidan isn't leaving suddenly, he eventually told Khadgar about this (not at a final battle coming, but more early). It isn't about "I always only cared about demons and them suffering", but "I have to make sure not even a single demon is going to invade Azeroth again and make you deal with it". And other pathos stuff. That's Illidan. And honestly I didn't came up with a certain scene. Khadgar feels dejected for sure. But I had a scene in my mind, when he said "Well, allright? I was kinda prepared for this. I undersdand your reasons, and I know Illidan Stormrage was fated to make it". And he doesn't say it sarcastic or to show his pain - he is really trying to sound supportive and really understands, even if it hurts his mortal human being so fkin much. It results in breaking Illidan, actually, who expected Khadgar to go desparate, or mad, but def NOT THIS. He is the one who leaves the room in tears (ngl - I just really wanted to make him pathetic. Don't take it as carved in stone). In any case they both confess that they want to spend as much time together as possible before the final battle and any outcome it will have.

^ I think I should point out, that at this moment they were talking about Illidan just staying on Argus or somewhere in space. They didn't knew they will seal Sargeras. Yep it meant the inter-world portal closed anyway, but hey, there is still an option Illidan will come for holidays, right? So while Khadgar didn't felt really well about all of this, he tried to focus on business and their current time together.

The Sargeras decision have been made at the last moment and I don't know if Khadgar was present in this scene (when Illy speaks to Velen), or if he got to know only about the result. Decide yourself depending on the drama amounts you want. I prefer some last goodbyes and kisses :)

The fact the Titans appeared to help them gave him a lil hope, that without their leader the Legion will be a lesser danger, and maybe Illidan will come back sooner, but... you have what you have. Khadgar kept his face on their way home, but once Vindicaar landed, without Illidan, he was broken completely. (Sargeras' sword helped this too).

(I don't want to go hella detailed about it, as I have some artistic plans here)

I can see it being the main reason for him to left for BFA events. Yep, he is tired of war, and while he wanted to help his world, he was really devastated that this world Illidan sacrificed himself for happened to be so ignorant. He said: fuck you all, and that's why he left :д

You don't need to apologize for bringing angst: honestly, after so many years in fandom spaces I got kinda tired of those "perfect ships who have their stuff alright". I decided to keep the drama and I don't regret it. I was literally in tears over those moments while thinking of them, and I think it's cool - to be emotional over something.

Nicey area

But well! If you wonder if I had some good options - I do! They're mostly little fanservice things, but I still did them to cheer myself. One of them is after the war Illidan and Khadgar married and gone to honeymoon and dgaf about all those problems. The other is Illidan do pays visits at holidays (well damn, he's in a place of some serious magic, you think he can't make a portal or something? Or they have some chatting device so they can speak anytime they want.

I even had an option for Illidan thinking "alright, I'm going to watch Sargeras" and the other Titans saying: are you fkin dumb, go home immediately and be happy with your fiance (not literally, but they meant it 😂)

Anyway, thanks for asking!!!

[putonmyfavoriteshow]

ok i dont have a specific character or ship but hit me with some of your SL hot takes girl

Ooh yes here’s a few that came to mind:

Luna is a solid protagonist. Haters gonna hate. People attack MCs for either being selfish/annoying or Mary Sues. And Luna is neither!! She cares so much for her friends and always puts the team before herself to the point where she even sacrifices a huge solo spot in s3 for the team (which may have been a bad decision from an outside perspective) but it shows her priorities are genuine. Also throughout the show we see plenty of her flaws, and she does suffer for her mistakes. Ámbar easily manipulates her because she’s always losing things, she has to work twice as hard to get her grades up, she practices non-stop to get to everyone’s skating level and sometimes doesn’t win. Her plans don’t always work out!! S3 got a bit too perfect for her and the Roller Team and I do wish there was more of a struggle there but out of the entire series you can’t say she didn’t earn her spot or deal with things not going her way. To me she worked hard to get where she was and nothing was easily handed to her. Not to mention her ability to forgive the ones who wronged her. That’s my baby and I really am proud!

I don’t like Matteo BUT I could fill in the gaps if I wanted to explain his behavior….but the writers should’ve done that and I don’t care enough to do it 😁 But at the end of the day he’s still part of the core four and from a story POV I find it hard to ignore him completely as their stories are so intertwined but to me Matteo’s the weakest link and my loyalties lie with Luna/Ámbar/Simón who’s individual arcs I think are way better and earned my sympathy. Matteo I’m just like please get over yourself 😭. That being said I’m a Gastteo bro besties/Mambar diva couple liker — I know make it make sense!! and sigh Lutteo - they do have chemistry, and of course I just want to see Luna happy. There are scenes I like of them and I do root for them in the end but what’s my other option? Michel ☠️? But I’m not attached to them and would love to hear other peoples HCs of her future that wouldn’t involve an endgame Lutteo. But I’m also fine with accepting canon - they were the least egregious in s3 and I’m willing to jump on board to make my viewing experience enjoyable. I guess it comes down to I don’t hate him enough to throw him overboard but he can walk the plank :)

Pedro is a nice character leave the old man guy alone lmao!!! Nico can go but Pedro is a sweet drummer boy who worships his gf Delfi and loves his bandmates. He’s a good friend and super silly like when he wears his dad’s oversized suit to help save the Jam & Roller? The fact that he dresses like the grungiest rock boy and he’s the softest softie?? Just give the boy his flowers and put it in his hair!

Jazmín and Emilia 5ver I CAN FIX THEIR ENDGAMES but you already knew this 😜

[nursc]

hey! I hope this isn’t a weird question, but I was wondering if you could explain in detail what it is that draws you to spapel as a ship. I really want to like them, but a part of me feels a disconnect in that the writing almost positions the ship as something to benefit spock but not so much chapel. I was hoping that maybe, as a christine fan you could help me put it into perspective and understand it more.

(I really hope this doesn’t come off as rude, I genuinely would love an analysis of how spapel deepens christine’s character bc I love the concept of them)

i don't mind! and i hope i can explain well, i'm not the best sometimes at explaining things i love because. i end up babbling and only scratching the surface.

honestly, i do understand where you are coming from; it does enrich spock’s story more than hers. it plays into the themes the show is analyzing: his culture, his identity, how he connects with the world. they are opposites: she is someone who is greatly defined by being human, who is at ease in most social situations, who laughs easily and emotionally connects with people. and if we go back too discovery, michael recommends that he connect with the person who is farthest away from him. i tend to read that quote more as connected to sp*irk, but i think it can be applied here as well. to love her, to try and understand her, is spock stepping out of his comfort zone. which to me, is a very interesting concept. to see someone who is regarded as stoic loving someone who is more outwardly emotional is a great trope. to see him connecting with his emotions because of them?? that’s quality content. i love it when we can see people growing with each other. how a relationship affects and changes them.

but, that's not your question, is it?

how does this relationship benefit christine?

i think textually, we have to go to the ending of spock amok. christine says that relationships require mutual sacrifice, and that's why she avoids them. in the latest episode, we get spock literally risking another war with the klingons by waiting before destroying the ship in order to save christine. that's a big sacrifice. if we think about the fact her other famous relationship was with her professor, and that reading that now, in 2023, we recognize a woman in a relationship like that, marked by such a power imbalance, is the one making all the sacrifices.

so she was not talking about being the one doing the sacrificing. she was talking about being the one who always has to sacrifice for the relationship. the one who always suffers. spock, in this latest episode, broke that cycle.

i've been rewatching the west wing lately, and i think they provide a good example of that. donna, one of the main characters, who is clever and extremely capable, got involved with an older guy when she was in college, and she dropped out to pay the bills till he was done with his residency. and then he broke up with her. in these sort of relationships, the younger woman is the one who is always giving up parts of herself to appease a guy.

when she is around spock, she is at her brightest and wittiest. her most vibrant self. there are exceptions, of course. she retreats at the end of serene squall, acting like the kiss didn’t matter. but that’s what i find interesting! the development of the relationship, two people moving around each other and trying to figure out how they fit. and with spock, it is an interesting fit. part of why i love them, is.. that she is her most vibrant self around him. she always seems so happy, so delighted, and i love seeing christine happy.

how does it benefit her? i think for starters, christine allowing him to be completely in -- i don't think a relationship with spock specifically would allow any less -- would be something risky and different for her. something she tries to avoid by having one night stands and breaking up with people before it gets too serious. she would be putting her heart on the line and if it worked... the benefits? he is kind, and he is smart, doesn't underestimate her and values how smart she is. that's someone she can be herself with. someone she can talk to like an equal, who will treat her like an equal.

and i love a good pining story gone right! it is tropey! and i gotta be honest, i don't need something to fully benefit one party for me to like it. i like relationships that are hard, and require work. this relationship would require loads of it, they are complicated people, but it would also never be boring. with spock by her side, she'd never have a boring night off, they'd find something to do, even if it is just talking (because talking to him is incredible in her eyes... and like canonically, he is a clever guy with a quiet sense of humor). but it does benefit her as a person, to have someone who is more calm, more precise at her side. who can help her see things from a different perspective, who challenges her, emotionally and intellectually, to be at her best.

i think it deepens her character because love, and how someone is in love, it an important part to understanding someone. how they react, if they are afraid. to have someone like spock, that we know, and who is super complicated, to see how she reacts and loves him, gives us a good understanding of her character: she is loving, patient, warm, with a killer sense of humor, who does want to get into his pants, and despite all her protests about not wanting to get involved, gets involved. it provides us a very rich look into the sort of person she is!

also they are fun and pretty. that's like.. a big draw for me, i'm not gonna lie.

sdfghjk. i hope this helped, and made some sense?? honestly, to me they are a very interesting duo, and i think he provides a good balance to her personality, allowing us to get some great scenes. and it didn't come off as rude!

[bengiyo]

Happy Ending Romance Eps 7 & 8 (Finale) Stray Thoughts

Unfortunately, I lost the first version of this post after episode 7 ended. I'll do a quick scroll through that episode and rebuild some of my thoughts, but it's a loss.

Episode 7

I was really looking forward to this quartet working together, but Wu Ju has been turned.

This seating arrangement with the two sofas and armchair shows up a lot in Kdrama. Can someone explain why they're always arranged this way in offices?

We had two different "please take good care of me" exchanges, and only one of them felt genuine.

Han Tae Young is remarkably earnest, and I liked the spit it out scene.

Editor Yeong Seon is honestly fantastic. Telling someone you want them to be miserable takes a level of offense I respect.

All successful writers do is attend meetings. Jung Hyun's never writing.

I really like this first kiss. I like that Han Tae Young asked to kiss him after weeks of professing his love. They haven't beaten the TMS guys, but it was nice.

Another goddamn meeting.

I expected the reveal that Jung Woo was ghostwriting, but the reveal that it's what he outed that other writer for makes me wonder what the point was of going public in the first place.

I think Jung Hyun means it when he says he wants to protect Jung Woo, bit I think it inevitably infantilizes Jung Woo. He's never required to face anything, and still they both suffer.

I like the use of a bridge for a sad moment for Jung Woo. He can't go back now that everything is in the open.

Love that Han Tae Young was only worried that Jung Woo had left him again. We even get a pretty decent second kiss.

Episode 8

I really like the arty bed scene. There's been a lot of angst and long-term pining hanging over this, so this works. I also like it because this doesn't feel like a first-time-with-another-man experience for either of them.

For all that Kim Jung Hyun irritates me, Leo has done a great job embodying this character.

I can't believe a writer left his computer unsecured.

I feel for Yeong Seon. She keeps getting caught in all this drama.

I have enjoyed how when Korea does a love triangle, it's complicated by the different ways people love the same person and whether that might be best for the parties involved.

I'm wondering now if the professor figured out they were ghostwriting and blackmailed Jung Hyun.

It's a unique feeling of relief to see Kim Jung Hyun let go and team up with Han Tae Young. Now we've got a full party.

Oh, the professor didn't know.

There's a lot happening in this spiral just for Cha Jung Woo to end up back at Literature Square again.

The smash cut from the dour party to Jung Woo yelling was well done.

Hey, this non-fight is really good. Karam has done a solid job with a rather subdued character in Jung Woo. He's stepped up his expressiveness at this point and it works so well.

I loved this framing with the bus stop to place Jung Hyun on the outside.

Of course Jung Woo isn't going to let someone else sacrifice himself at this point.

Leo is good. I felt sympathy for Jung Hyun's relief that something he wrote on his own strength was good. I'm even glad he reconciled with Yeong Seon.

Man, I like that they let us know that the book worked out, and I like seeing Jung Hyun agreeing to work with Tae Young. This joke flirting between all of them at the end is a lovely touch.

Final Verdict: 8, Recommended. I think there are some shaky bits early on; I wasn't sure what I wanted to care about. Still, I like the ideas in this about the need to face pain and fear, and how trying to protect people from any disappointment can sometimes make things worse. I also enjoyed a lot of the dynamics, though I felt some emotional hand offs were missing. I will say I found a lot of the cross-cutting between scenes to be a bit distracting, and sometimes made it hard to focus.

[purpleturtle9000]

*skitters in through a hole in your ceiling*

Hi

So. The oranges. How much emotional damage are we lookin at, if any? Youngest siblings who have watched their older siblings die/almost die club? Is there guilt for not sacrificing sooner or does old Mikey have the self awareness to not fall into that? Are they cooking buddies do they swap recipes who helps them with their nightmares? Do they compare scars? Is there art done to cover/reclaim that pain?

Are there pranks involving floating

Until next time

*skitters back out the ceiling hole and patches it on my way out* 👍

🍊🧡🍊

Angelo is perhaps weirdly well-adjusted to everything that happened to him in the future. It affected him, of course it did, but he had the temperament and knowledge to deal with it a little better than the rest of his family. (He's not actually doing quite as well as he thinks he is, but like, he's ten out of ten compared to Leonardo.)

He doesn't feel guilty for the last minute self-sacrifice. Seven years after the apocalypse started, they tried the same plan as in the movie, and Angelo died. The rest of the family was barely able to bring him back, and his mystic powers hadn't done shit toward making a portal, so they called off the whole idea. None of them could bear to make the call, especially when it likely wouldn't work.

There's also the fact that going back to the past was going to reset the whole future. The more intel they could take back, and the better-trained that person would be, the more likely their chances of success. Besides, if it worked, all the suffering and death technically would have never happened, so he technically would have nothing to blame himself for.

He kind of still does, though. He'd always trained toward the idea of trying the time gate again, they just hadn't been sure if he could pull it off until it was time to try it out. Sometimes he wishes he tried earlier, if only so he didn't have quite so many memories of his loved ones dying, but at least they're all still alive in the past/present.

Little Mikey, on the other hand, has an absolute damn boatload of nearly-watched-my-brother-die trauma. He heard the wrist-comm recording of what happened in the prison dimension (he wasn't supposed to) and blames himself for every injury Leo got while Mikey was trying to open a portal to him. He could have had stronger powers, he could have been faster, he could have done something else-

Hearing Angelo's account of the future, what with the first attempt at the time gate and all, helps ease his guilt a little. But it's not like Leo's prison dimension injuries can be unwritten with a time gate, like all the drama from the future. There's not as much help there that Angelo can offer, besides being a listening ear, though that does help quite a bit.

They are cooking buddies absolutely! Angelo knows a thousand and one tricks for outdoor cooking and has April's mom's much-coveted brownie recipe. He won't share it, but he will let Mikey help stir things once all the ingredients are in a bowl. Mikey keeps guessing at what's in there, much to Angelo's amusement. And Angelo knows a bunch of new secrets about greenhouses and hdyroponics that endears him to both Mikey and Donnie (botany and tech nerd that he is).

Angelo also knows the best teas for soothing stressed-out turtles, which helps with everyone. The smell always wakes him up, so he goes looking to see what's happening whenever it's in play. He and Mikey have a lot of late-night conversations. Sometimes it's about serious stuff, sometimes it's about the Lou Jitsu fanfic that Angelo kept writing all through the apocalypse.

There's not a lot of scar comparison, because Angelo doesn't want to freak Mikey out by showing him everything that happened. Y'all've seen that post about Mikey missing a part of his shell in one frame? Angelo's not gonna show a fifteen-year-old kid that, doesn't want to freak him out.

Besides, his shell has healed, and Mikey's hands haven't quite. Angelo is actually quite helpful there! He's the only turtle with strong enough mystic powers to use them to heal, but it requires a use of his hands that still causes some pain for Mikey. Angelo can do it just fine, and add a bit of warmth to help soothe any lingering aches.

Angelo doesn't compare a lot of his art therapy, either, cause uh. There's a lot of blood in some of them and he doesn't think he should really show a fifteen-year-old that either. But not all of it is vent art! And he shows Mikey everything he draws that's a little less gory, cause there were still beautiful moments in the apoclaypse, and he's glad to have someone to share it with.

Mikey shows Angelo absolutely everything he makes an attempt at, and Angelo encourages all of it. And provides some art tips! Cause he's had twenty more years to hone his art skills so there's quite a bit that he can pass on.

There are so many pranks involving floating. Angelo teaches Mikey how to make his cape float behind him even when there's no wind, and how to open doors ahead of him. Mikey calls it their Jedi mind tricks and does the hand wave every time. (He also tries to mind-trick his way out of the chore list sometimes, which Raph never falls for). It's their favourite thing to do and they use Leonardo whenever they need to work on floating people/objects. He's patient about it and only whines a moderate amount when they drop him (Angelo does it on purpose, Mikey doesn't).

Thanks for patching the ceiling hole, I've been saying I need to get to that for weeks now!

[homunculus-argument]

I think it would do good to modern teenagers to be re-introduced to the idea of unrequited love. Like yes, you're wildly in love with this person who doesn't like you, or if you already bungled it, might actually be actively repulsed by you since you unintentionally creeped them out. And it's painful and tragic and it hurts. That happens sometimes. So what can you do? Honestly nothing, other than to mope about it and suffer through it like it's a long, hard bout of illness that takes months or even years to recover from.

And I think kids should be taught that this isn't just fine and normal, but that you totally can - and actually should - romanticise it. Because since there's nothing else you can do about that sort of thing, you might as well have fun having it. You do get to be the the Tragic Suffering Protagonist about it. It's a beautiful, keen and unique sort of pain that is your own personal tragedy and 100% a you problem.

The idea that the only acceptable outcome of falling in love with someone is a relationship with the object of that desire is genuinely dangerous. The idea that the only way to a happily ever after is to "win them over", get out of the friend zone, finally do some feat that'll impress them or prove your worth and finally get the girl. That's not how it works, that's not how any of this works.

Moping isn't inherently bad for you. Okay of course it's possible to spend too much time wallowing in self-pity, but it's good for you to indulge in it as needed. The difference between poison and medicine is dosage, and everyone is allowed to have a little bit of small personal tragedy sometimes, as a treat. You have to do it sometimes just to get it out of your system, be sad about something for long enough to simply get bored of that, and go do something else.

And not to get "A spoonful of sugar makes the medicine go down" stuck in your head, but sometimes that's the key to it. If the only way to go through something is to suffer through it, might as well make it sweet. Sometimes you just gotta be like "I love her and her happiness means more to me than my own, and she does not want me, so therefore I must do this Noble Sacrifice and suffer in silence and simply let her be happy without me" for like six months or a year until you're done being like that and over with it.

I don't know who the fuck thought it was a good idea to instead teach kids that the only acceptable thing to do is to keep bothering the person you like until they give in in and let you out of the ~friend zone~ and you win. That's just not healthy or helpful for anyone involved.

[slippingbetweenthestars]

 Also, I guess while I’m giving out opinions, here’s what I want from a Donna reappearance:

Evidence of character development.

That’s pretty much it. I would really like to see that yeah, she lived her life and it wasn’t the one she thought she’d live but it was good. She learned things. Changed. Discovered things. Found and shared happiness. Kept surprising people and fighting for herself, but also found people who weren’t surprised by her goodness and didn’t require her to fight for herself.

Somewhere buried in my draftss is a draft I’ll finish sometime about female suffering in the revival, but my thoughts on Donna’s ending go mostly like this (warning, some of Ten’s suicidal tendencies referenced below).

 If you generally enjoyed David Tennant’s Doctor and RTD’s showrunning, Journey’s End is pretty satisfying if both of the following are true:

You like angst or tragic endings (and possibly melodrama, which I do)

You’re watching more for the Doctor’s character arc than for his companions’ arcs.

(you’re not bothered by things like “fixed points” but that’s more about what happens after Journey’s End)

Naturally, if you can’t stand sad endings, then...yeah, Journey’s End is gonna be your cup of tea. As for point 2? It’s probably more complicated than that for individual people, but for me, if the “companion as audience stand-in” was your jam and you got really invested in companions’ lives, Donna’s ending was kick in the gut because it unraveled every smidge of character development we’d seen since she showed up on the TARDIS and said “who are you?”

(No Doctor, no confronting Lance, no self-evaluation and re-thinking of friends, family, professional relationships, etc, no months of travel, no investigation of unusual happenings...yeah, you get the picture)

If, however, you’re watching more for the Doctor’s story, you’re more likely to enjoy Journey’s End because it’s really about Ten. If Nine’s arc ended with him choosing to let things take their course, accept his own limits, and allow himself the luxury of choosing what feels moral rather than relying on a more utilitarian system, then Ten’s run carries on the same themes.

He’s always going back and forth between the Rules (which are generally more utilitarian in nature: do what’s best for the good of the entire universe, even if it means accepting suffering that you could have prevented), and his own personal desire to prevent suffering and relieve his sense of guilt accrued from being the law (and an immortal survivor).

What he really wants is for the rules and his own desires to align so that

The universe can be stable

He doesn’t have to kill anyone

He doesn’t have to allow anyone to die/keep people safe

Unfortunately, he can’t get all three. He can pick any two options, but has to give up the third.

Doesn’t have to kill anyone or watch anyone die? He’s gonna have to sacrifice the stability of the universe. In the past, Option 1 was non-negotiable, so it’s a choice between 2 and 3.

Stable universe and he doesn’t have to kill anyone else? He’s gonna have to watch people die, because things like Daleks or Cybermen are unreformable, competent actors that keep managing to almost kill the universe.

Stable universe and he doesn’t have to watch anyone die? He’s gonna have to pick a side and kill people to keep his side alive.

The end of Ten’s run involves all of these, but Journey’s End deals several successive blows to the stability of number 1. You’ve got the Daleks and their scheme to atomize everything, led by someone who’s lived through the Time War and concluded that winning means destroying reality. He also has to confront the universe’s instability by the return of someone he loved, as Rose’s dimension jumping was a symptom of things falling apart (remember the cracked window analogy at the end of s2?).

Then, he has to reckon with what it means to be someone who picks 1 & 3 consistently, and also confront the possibility of having chosen to compromise on number 2 (killing enemies) and still not getting 3 (people he cares about live). He watches people die for him (Harriet Jones, someone who notoriously picked 1&3) or who are willing to kill themselves and others (Martha) for the greater good. Then, Tentoo also picks ‘the greater good’ and ‘people I like survive’.

That adds up to a massive psychological blow, and he seems to conclude that what happened was a horrible, necessary evil, just like he thought back in s1, and that it’s good for him to suffer for it. This time, though, it’s worse, because he’d started allowing himself the luxury of being a citizen of the universe and not its law-keeper. He still decides that 1 and 3 are his top priorities, but hates himself a whole lot more, so he decides that the world and the people he loves would be better off without him or people like him in it. Then he quietly cuts ties with everyone he loves, and tries to give them the “normal life” so they don’t have to pull the trigger like he did, as they were willing to do.

Then he faces Donna. Letting go of option 1 isn’t really in the picture, and he’s  looking at a version of Donna where he is literally killing her by being present in her mind. He has to choose between 2 or 3, killing her (her memories, her spirit, etc), or letting her burn up and die.

He picks 2. Of course he would pick 2. Why? Because who’s the Dalek this time? It’s him. By erasing her memories, he’s killing himself.

So he ignores her will. He convinces himself it’s for the greater good. He lies to himself and says that she’ll be better off living her own life without her memories or character growth. He can pretend there’s a fantasy version of Donna who never met him and was better off without him. 

It’s not just that, of course. He also doesn’t want to watch her suffer. I think he chooses the option that allows him to live with himself, and he’s okay being the scapegoat as long as good things are out there. I don’t think he thought he could take her actual death on his hands.

(This is all very messed-up thinking courtesy of massive trauma, and it’s horrible to poor Donna, but it’s where he is and it makes sense if the story is first and foremost about him rather than them.)

Then, in the stories afterwards, the arc keeps picking up on those themes until he snaps and decides he's going to abandon 1 and ensure 3 for once, universe be damned, before realizing he is actually not okay with that and facing the consequences of it.

anyways, ten is very messed up by the end and I think a major part of whether or not it works for you is the degree to which it hurts or frustrates you that Ten’s story is prioritized over companions, and I’m someone leans maybe 2/3rds towards the Doctor’s side, but still have a hefty dose of “how dare you unravel my favorite companion’s character arc?”

all of this to say, I really hope that we get to see Donna has lived a good, interesting life despite the massive blow she took, because just seeing her walking down the street with no idea and no indication that anything had gotten better in her life was just...ouch.

[redphlox]

The Todoroki Siblings and Dabi

So, I don’t think the Todorok siblings will be upset or angry at Dabi in the end for revealing the family’s abuse to the public in that pre-recorded video. I also don’t think they’ll reject, condemn, or abandon Dabi, either. I think it’s been established that they’ve always cared for one another and respected each other’s feelings. I imagine millions of emotions will run through the Todoroki siblings knowing that Touya is alive, including shock, worry, sorrow, and grief, but in the end I think they’ll see Dabi much like Deku saw Shigaraki: “At that moment, you looked as if you were asking for help.” They're definitely emotionally intelligent enough to hold space for both understanding how he turned into a villain and honoring their own feelings. After all, the Todoroki siblings’ past traumas and their feelings about Endeavor are their uniting factor. The siblings can relate to Dabi even though Dabi reacted differently to his abuse. 

Before I go on, I want to say that while we don’t know exactly what happened to Dabi, I don’t think this will change his siblings' reactions. How badly was Touya suffering that when he survived the fire, probably with third degree burns, he chose to walk away instead of going home to seek medical attention? What if he had been training in secret in order to be good enough for Endeavor and accidentally set the facility on fire and felt so much shame, terror, and inadequacy to face Endeavor that he decided going home wasn't an option? Or, what if it was just as simple as that - he faked his death to get out of an abusive home? Or what if someone else was involved in his "death"? These actions don’t say, “I don’t love my siblings,” they say, “I’m suffering because the only parent I have left is making my life miserable and I can’t take it anymore.” 

Either way, did his death hurt his family? Yes. But was he responsible for taking care of his younger siblings when he himself was also a child? No. Blaming Touya for leaving his younger siblings behind would wrongly place culpability on the child/victim instead of the adult/abuser. I think the siblings are aware of this, but of course, how they feel is valid! If they do feel betrayed that Touya left them, that’s valid! I’m not trying to pre-invalidate their feelings - I’m just thinking that a simple “wow Touya betrayed us by leaving and I hate him now” would be out of character for all 3 of them and that we, as readers and outsiders, should remember Endeavor provoked all of this.

No matter what happened to Touya in the past that led him to leave the family home, I don’t think Fuyumi, Natsuo, or Shouto would blame him. Fuyumi even told Natsuo to go to college and “leave their family business to her" because she wanted what was best for Natsuo: to make a life of his own away from the house. The siblings sacrifice so much for each other. None of the siblings have ever casted responsibility on each other to take charge or play the role of the parent or savior. Not once have they blamed Rei, their mother and an adult, for not being there or for burning Shouto, so it wouldn’t make sense for them to feel angry at Touya for leaving when they were kids either. The siblings have never expected each other to fill in that protector role but Fuyumi did so voluntarily, because as the eldest female child she may have felt like she had no choice or because she was trying to fill her mother’s shoes. The siblings are a team and they’re painfully aware of who failed them: Endeavor. Dabi isn't ruining the family's healing by coming back or revealing the abuse…That's all on Endeavor, too. 

Also, not to get too personal on main, but have y’all ever been banded together with your siblings against your parental abuser? It’s not always tears and wanting to die and huddling together in fear or for comfort. Sometimes it’s high-fiving your sibling when they verbally roast that parent so bad it rearranges your whole family tree’s DNA because, while you have no power at all over your situation, it’s almost like a tiny slice of justice to see the adult who mistreats you be knocked down a few pegs and take a hit to their ego. Tell me Shouto ‘that’s-a-nasty-scar-you’ve-got-there” Todoroki and Natsuo “It’ll-be-a cold-day-in-hell-before-I forgive-you” Todoroki, after the healing powers of therapy and time and also whilst slurping on soba at the dinner table, won’t fist bump Dabi for the reveal like, “Yeah, fuck dad’s bullshit!” Like I said, they share this in common with Dabi: holding their father responsible for the family's trauma. Dabi’s just really extreme and self-harming about it because of his trauma. 

Anyway, that’s the TLDR version of this meta. Under this cut I’ll further discuss why it wouldn’t make sense for Fuyumi, Natsuo, and Shouto to demonize Dabi for outing Endeavor as abusive or “leaving” them because it would be out of character. I’ll analyze them individually, speculate on their individual relationships with Touya, and talk a little about the family’s dynamic as domestic abuse survivors. As a treat, I was going to discuss Dabi’s rapidly declining mental state, his views on his siblings, and what rejoining the family could look like, but this was getting way too long so please be on the lookout for a separate post for my Dabi rant. This is quite lengthy because I'm having a lot of thoughts and feelings about this family, so thanks in advance for indulging me! 

First and foremost, the siblings have always been a united front. They respect, care, and go out of their way to make each other happy: Natsuo enduring Endeavor’s presence for his sister, Shouto giving Endeavor a chance for his mom and sister, both Natsuo and Fuyumi wishing they could have done more for Shouto growing up, Natsuo holding on to Touya’s memory and being angry for what Touya went through, Fuyumi holding space for Natsuo’s anger, Fuyumi asking Shouto how he feels about their dad, etc. The siblings don't even hate Endeavor for abusing them personally - their main grievance is Endeavor's abuse towards their mother and their other siblings. The siblings tend to diminish their own pain and worry about the others. Even Natsuo says it's okay if Endeavor neglected him, but he'll never forgive Endeavor for abusing Rei, Shouto, and Touya. 

So, I think it would make sense they could extend that empathy and compassion to Dabi/Touya. They’ll be able to understand why he became what he is now, and why he had to "die" and leave them behind. I doubt they'll demonize him for reacting to his abuse differently than they did. It wouldn't fit, and honestly I'd question the writing if it did come out that the 3 younger Todoroki siblings guilt or scorn Dabi for what the abuse did to him. It wasn't Touya’s responsibility to "withstand" abuse and make sure he became a contributing member of society. He was a child, and that responsibility was Endeavor's. It was Endeavor's responsibility not to abuse his kids. He was the adult - the only adult, might I add, because Rei was hospitalized a little before Touya's death. I imagine Endeavor might have been a little extra unbearable right after Rei left the home because she had just hurt his “masterpiece” so it makes sense why things went down the way they did with Touya, tragically. 

Anyway, it’s clear that Touya is different from who he used to be, but he’s their brother, someone they loved unconditionally and still miss. He’s still that deeply hurt person they knew so well except now he’s turned that pain into anger. They know Dabi is a product of Endeavor’s blind ambition and neglect. Underneath those black clothes and hair dye and murderous grin, they know Touya is still there somewhere. The siblings know what he went through, and Shouto, more than anyone, knows what it’s like to let hate overrun you and turn you into what you were avoiding in the first place. They’re willing to give the parent who hurt them deeply and irreparably a chance, so why would that chance not be extended to Dabi? Why would his status as a villain change the siblings’ hearts and kindness? If anything, it’ll be something more to confront Endeavor with: “Look what you led him to become. You did this, Dad.” This reveal might emphasize to Endeavor the atrocities he did to his family - he took their mother away, he took their childhoods away, he took their eldest brother and made him into a villain. 

I’m not saying the siblings will approve or condone Dabi's murderous streak or trying to kill Shouto. I’m saying families and love are complicated. Even in real life people still love their family members who have committed murders - they love their relatives while also recognizing their flaws and allowing them to face the consequences of their actions. Just because someone you love commits a sin or a crime doesn't mean you stop loving them. This is a complicated situation and emotions will be everywhere, but in the end I think the siblings will be eager to get Touya back. 

And, to play devil's advocate, you could say, "Well, that's exactly why the siblings would hate Dabi! They've always been a team and he left them." To that I want to point out that the siblings haven't shown to be hostile to or resentful of one another for having differing opinions or views about Endeavor or anything else, though. Fuyumi doesn't resent or blame Natsuo when he has an outburst and storms out because he can't stand being around Endeavor. She’s disappointed she can’t have a family, yes, but she doesn't guilt or shame him for his feelings. And Natsuo, despite knowing how much of a trigger Endeavor's presence is for him, still attends family gatherings to make his sister happy. Shouto wants to see what kind of father Endeavor can be only because his mom and sister seem to be giving him a chance. Neither boy looks down on their sister or mom for wanting to give Endeavor a chance. Yeah, Natsuo is confused that his mom seems to forgive and defend Endeavor so easily, but he respects her while also honoring his own feelings. I think the siblings will be able to understand that Touya left because he couldn't be around Endeavor anymore while also feeling the loss of the family they could've had. 

And, to come full circle, who's to blame for ruining the family? Who drove Touya to go crying to Natsuo everyday, made him feel unlovable, and made it impossible for him to live at home? Endeavor. Again, it wouldn't make sense for the siblings to blame Touya for ruining the progress they were making as a family because Endeavor is trying to "atone" by airing his video. Touya is part of the family too and there are still a lot of unresolved feelings about him and his death. Touya’s death is something Endeavor is responsible for. Hating Dabi would be like the siblings faulting Rei for pouring boiling water on Shouto's face and going to the psych ward. They're well aware Rei wouldn't have done that if Endeavor hadn't abused her, so I think they'd apply the same logic to Dabi. He wouldn't have become a villain or left them if Endeavor hadn't trained him only to toss Touya aside once he wasn't useful. That must've been traumatic for Touya to go from the golden child to the scapegoat, and I think the siblings may have witnessed it first hand. 

As for Fuyumi, it’s been theorized that she wasn’t as close to Touya because she mentioned Natsuo and Touya always played together, and she never mentioned how she feels. To that I say, has Fuyumi ever stood up for herself and advocated for herself besides, “I want my family to be together again”? She honors Natsuo’s grief for Touya by explaining why he had that emotional outburst in front of Deku and Bakugo, and she explains that Touya’s death was the final nail in the coffin for her mother’s mental health, but does she ever mention herself? Do any of the siblings ever get angry for their own sake? Like I said, these characters are worrisomely selfless. They worry about Endeavor’s abuse toward their mother but rarely emphasize that they themselves were victims too. They put everyone else’s pain above their own. Natsuo is the one who’s brought up a personal grievance - being told to stop cooking.

A lot of that probably has to do with the fact that the women of the Todoroki family aren’t as fleshed out as the men (see: the women forgiving Endeavor easily and the boys not so much for complicated reasons). Fuyumi, as the eldest FEMALE sibling, took up the role of emotional caretaker of her siblings, and that was also Endeavor’s fault. It was a role she took up because he took their mother away and she loved her siblings so much. But, if she hadn’t taken up that role, that would’ve also been valid because she herself was also a child. She shouldn’t have had to fill those shoes. Women across numerous cultures tend to mature faster - or, shall I say, are forced to grow up and take on caretaking roles. So there’s that to digest too and take into account. On top of being the eldest female child, Fuyumi is a parentified character. This woman has gone through so much and honestly she’s an angel and deserves peace for the rest of her life. There are some takes that want Fuyumi to scold Touya or hit him for leaving her alone to take care of their younger siblings. Again, I'm not sure she would do that because it would be out of character. Her feelings would be valid of course, but the anger would be misplaced. Blaming Touya for not helping her with Natsuo and Shouto would only place responsibility on another victim instead of holding Endeavor responsible for creating a situation where Fuyumi had to take care of her younger siblings to begin with. It was never either Touya or Fuyumi’s duty to take on the role of caregiver. Yes, she has a right to feel abandoned or betrayed by Touya, but I see her respecting his feelings too, similar to how she does with Natsuo. If she does react with violence or resentment, I think it's valid, of course it's valid, but it would feel out of character because it would feel...weird, and wouldn’t make sense with how Hori has written her character so far.  

Natsuo, unlike Fuyumi, isn’t easy on Endeavor. That’s not because he has a strong sense of justice but specifically because Endeavor hurt the people that Natsuo loves so so so so deeply. There’s another popular theory that Natsuo would condemn Dabi as a murder because he’s studying to be in the medical profession and thus values life. As a future medical professional too, I want to say that yes Natsuo values life and those 30 lives Dabi took was wrong at all levels, but also, I think he’d be the first to point out that Dabi didn’t one day get out of bed and think, “Yep, I want to burn some people for fun!” No, Natsuo would know this behavior was brought on by Dabi’s trauma because medical professionals also take mental health classes and are (ideally) trained to see people with compassion. On top of that, Natsuo witnessed Dabi’s trauma first hand because he was the person Touya would cry to. 

And this brings me to my next point: it’s been pointed out that Dabi was abusive to Natsuo for burdening him with his trauma and crying to him wondering why he existed. Was it wrong for Natsuo to carry that emotional baggage and comfort Touya during Touya’s trauma? Yes, because Natsuo was a child. But let’s not blame Touya for this. He was a child seeking comfort and love. This whole situation is also Endeavor’s fault. If he hadn’t abused his family, Natsuo wouldn’t have had to hear Touya have a breakdown every day. Demonizing Touya for seeking comfort in the wrong person would also be wrongly placing responsibility on the victim, a child who should’ve been able to rely on a parent for emotional help. 

Anyway, I doubt Natsuo would look at Dabi’s video, listen to Dabi saying, “Endeavor neglected me, beat my little brother Shouto up, abused my mother, and that’s why I’m so messed up. Endeavor isn’t who you think he is. He’s a hero who is a villain to his family” and say, “No Dabi, nothing you said could be correct because you killed 30 people! You’re invalidated because you turned your pain into criminal activity instead of dealing with it in a socially acceptable way like I did.” No, that’s unrealistic. If this is the case then I’d question Hori's writing because, again, people aren’t one dimensional, especially abuse victims. Natsuo has been advocating for Touya in his death and understood his pain the most. Those tears that Natsuo cries? Those aren’t only for him. He’s crying because it hurt to see his family members suffer back then and felt powerless to stop it. Those tears and anger were for Touya, too. 

This leaves us with our half and half hero, five wee-wees, Shouto.

Dabi is on a one-track mission to kill Endeavor and anything that is Endeavor. He’s exactly what Endeavor made him...a younger version of himself, more powerful, with greater firepower and bigger ambitions. Endeavor didn’t consider his own children as anything but “my heir” or “failures”, so that’s how Dabi views himself and Shouto too. As things, as mini-Endeavors. He thinks of himself and Shouto as extensions of Endeavor. I know what you’re thinking: “That doesn't make sense at all. Dabi isn’t Endeavor, Shouto isn’t Endeavor. Shouto is innocent.” Yes, exactly, and I think that’s the whole reality of Dabi going after Shouto - it doesn’t make any rational sense because trauma doesn’t work like that. Dabi’s not in the best mental state. He’s been self-harming for months now by using his quirk, and anytime he sees Endeavor he starts losing his shit. Like I said before, he survived that fire and instead of going home, he chose to let everyone think he died and probably went on to live on the streets. Look at how he was dressed when we first met him in the manga: tattered clothing, as if they haven’t fit him in years but still wore them nonetheless. Like many kids and teens across the world who live in an abusive household, running away from home is all too real. Dabi was wrong to burn Shouto, yes, but again, let’s look at who’s responsible for his childhood trauma that led to this moment...Endeavor. I think Natsuo and Fuyumi will be worried and angry Shouto was burned by Dabi and also not condone his actions, but ultimately I hope they realize Dabi is suffering like their mother Rei was when she burned Shouto and rightfully look to Endeavor as culpable. 

I could see the siblings become angry for potentially upsetting their mother but I’ve already talked about why the Dabi reveal won’t set back her recovery. Rei herself told Natsuo and Fuyumi it’s okay to talk about her abuser in front of her, so I think that says a lot about her current mental state. She’s not ready to see him in person, but mentioning him doesn’t send her into a spiral. She’s made strides. Will she experience some strong emotions and cry? Yes, probably, that's her first born, but it won't break her like Endeavor's abuse did. Again, let's fault the abuser (Endeavor) and not the victims (Dabi and the younger 3) for how they handle their trauma. 

This doesn't mean the siblings won't try to convince Dabi he's wrong. They can honor his feelings of wanting Endeavor to pay for abusing him while also trying to get him to understand that Shouto is innocent and killing Endeavor and himself won't fix anything. He’s thought about it so much he snapped, after all, but the siblings will probably try to reach him some other way, similar to how Deku told Shouto, “It’s your power!” but with family memories or something. Rationalizing with Dabi won’t help because trauma brain doesn’t follow logic - it actually changes your brain.

Anyway, if anything, I think the siblings might be angry or shocked at Dabi for letting them think he’s been dead this whole time because they wanted him home, but what was Touya supposed to do? Keep in touch with them secretly? What if, much like Rei, seeing his siblings reminded him so much of his failures and of Endeavor that he had to leave and cut off contact with everyone in the family? The man abandoned his name and dyes his hair now - I sense some self loathing and repressed feelings there. This is a complicated, tragic situation for all 4 siblings, and there’s no one to blame but Endeavor because he caused all of this. No matter how much he tries to atone, he can’t undo the psychological damage done to his children. 

It’ll be interesting to see how the siblings reunite and how the family will heal together. Even with Dabi trying to cremate Shouto, I don’t think it’ll turn out to be a Todorokis vs. Dabi affair with the younger 3 hating Touya. Why set up Shouto’s arc to be about family and forgiveness and the strife of becoming a hero in the shadow of his abusive father’s will only to then make his older brother an irredeemable villain deserving less forgiveness than the family’s abuser? “Child abuse is bad but not as bad as murder” would be an anti-climatic, super worrying, basic moral for the manga to teach… Like, those crimes are both bad. Let’s not rank evils to justify or prefer one over the other.

“But now the Todorokis will have to face Public Shame.”

You know who should be ashamed? Endeavor.

The Todorokis don’t deserve to feel shame. That sounds like society’s problem for siding with the abuser.

Was the abuse that hidden to begin with? Shouto literally tells anyone within earshot, from elementary school children to his rivals, that he hates his dad for hurting his mom. He even mentioned the beatings in front of Burnin, Endeavor’s employee, and doesn’t hesitate to slap his dad’s hand away in front of people. Outsiders like Present Mic comment that father and son aren’t on good terms, so it’s not like their rocky relationship isn’t visible. Meanwhile, Natsuo cried and yelled to Endeavor after being saved from Ending that he would never forgive Endeavor for his actions, and there were onlookers everywhere. Fuyumi explains to Izuku and Bakugo that Natsuo blames Endeavor for their eldest brother’s death and is even surprised Shouto hasn’t told them about all this before. Yes, Fuyumi apologized to Bakugo for talking about the family drama in front of them, but that seemed more out of “oh right, you’re the guest!” reaction than “oh no the family secret is out!”

In canon, none of the siblings has ever said, “Shhh this is a family topic! Let’s talk about this in private!” They’ve never been ashamed of what they went through, nor have they felt the need to keep their feelings or their pasts secret. The Todorokis have never been a private family so it wouldn’t make sense for them to suddenly care about public appearances or opinions. Sure, there is a certain social stigma/embarrassment of having your family secrets aired for the public to see and being forced to be vulnerable because someone put your pain and suffering out there, but I don’t think that would be the main concern for the Todoroki children. They’re an unapologetic emotional bunch. Shouto has said it’s okay to cry and we’ve seen him do so. He can be quiet and straight faced, but he doesn’t bother to hide his emotions when he has them. Natsuo has arguably been the most expressive. He has cried or been in emotional pain the majority of the time he’s been on screen: during the soba noodle slurping dinner, when he informed his mother that Endeavor was #1, when he walked out of the family dinner in front of Deku and Bakugo, and in the aftermath of his kidnapping. And Fuyumi - well, she puts on a big happy face, doesn’t she? She wants her family to be together and she isn’t afraid to say so. She also isn’t afraid to cry or tell people off loudly (“Now you’re off too, Dad?”) or stating her wants (“I just wanted my family to get along!”) When the Todoroki children feel emotion, they’re big and unrestrained. Even Endeavor didn't care too much about public opinion until he became #1 and had to fill in All Might's shoes. Even Can't-You-See-kun says that a nice Endeavor just isn't right. 

Survivors of Domestic Abuse

The Todoroki children are victims, yes, but let’s not cast them in a harmful “all victims are meek, weak, soft spoken, and afraid” stereotype. They, like other people who have experienced abuse, are still their own people outside of, because of, and in spite of the abuse they endured. And that’s just the realism of the Todorokis. As much as society tells us that there are right and wrong ways to respond to abuse, that the only correct way for a victim is to grow into a strong person with a good job and radiate peace and love, “wrong” and “right” are subjective and immeasurable and this mindset diminishes the abuse even though it’s meant to be comforting. No, your abuse isn’t all that you are - and to some extent, your experiences do shape who you are, what you believe in, your views, your choices, and those experiences include abuse. 

So, let’s apply that to the Todorokis. It’s stated in their character files that Fuyumi and Natsuo chose careers because of what they went through. Fuyumi became a teacher to young children because of the feeling that “she couldn’t do anything for Shouto” and Natsuo is interested in medical welfare to help people like his mother. If they hadn’t experienced that abuse, would they have chosen those careers? I’m not saying it was good they were abused or that something good came out of it. What I’m saying is that their experience (abuse) shaped their choices and had an impact on their lives, and in many ways, though they’re seemingly well adjusted young adults, those emotional scars are still there. They’re still grieving what happened to five year old Shouto, what happened to their mother, what happened to Touya. Their feelings of inadequacy and powerlessness are very much still present even though the situation at home has calmed down and they're not defenseless children anymore. They couldn't save Shouto or Rei back then, but somehow they want to "make up for it" now. But that's not going to take away the pain and trauma of what happened. 

It's clear how Shouto deals with his trauma… He's making his own identity. He wants to be a hero that puts people at ease. He doesn't want to be like Endeavor, who was the opposite of that. Also, I feel like Shouto hasn't fully realized he was abused too. His main grievance with Endeavor is that Endeavor made Rei suffer. Shouto views it as intense forced training, and while only he can decide if that was abuse, it was inappropriate of his father to put his 5 year old child through that physically demanding training. 

So, no, I don’t think the siblings will feel intense shame that their abuse came out and now the whole world knows they suffered. There’s no shame in being a victim of parental abuse. It wasn’t their fault. They were children. And when I say that, I don’t mean the opposite is true either - that they should be proud of being abused. I’m saying that the person who should be ashamed of himself for abusing his children is Endeavor, the abuser. I know that there are some cultural aspects that play into this, but it would be racist to reduce this complicated situation into a “keeping abuse private is just Japanese mentality.” It’s like saying, “Latin women are submissive because Machismo is a thing so it’s okay that those women are viewed as inferior. It’s just who they are as a culture.” No, there are Latinx who are aware of the issues in their culture. All nations, cultures, and groups of people have the capacity to view their own flaws and strive for change.

Could I be incredibly wrong about all this? Yeah. Would all of this speculation have been for nothing if Hori decides to have the Todoroki siblings hate Dabi//Touya and want him dead or in jail 5ever? No, because I said my piece (and projected a little on Fuyumi), but it’d be incredibly awful writing and a dissatisfying, one-dimensional conclusion for the siblings to reach when domestic abuse is such a complicated, multi-faceted issue that comes with 1000 emotions, and especially since Hori has written the siblings and their dynamics with so many realistic layers and nuances. Is the siblings reaction going to be easy and straightforward like I may have made it seem? Nope. But they definitely wouldn’t stand by while Dabi is on a suicide mission.

If you’ve read this far, thanks so much!! I wish you healing, especially if you could relate to any of these characters or situation on a personal level <3

[pumpkinpaix]

Most people who like jc misinterpret his character to be more sympathetic than he actually is in text or show 🍵

strongly agree | agree | neutral | disagree | strongly disagree

ooh this one’s a bit tough. i’ve met jiang cheng stans who do make him more sympathetic than I think he’s portrayed in the text, but i’ve also met jiang cheng stans who love him specifically for his flaws, and like, how intense and obvious those flaws are. so i think I would feel remiss to say that most people who like jc misinterpret his character to be more sympathetic since i think it can go either way.

what i think is much MORE likely is seeing people who like jiang cheng become really antagonistic towards wei wuxian and wen ning in ways that I think are somewhat unfair. (i will say however, antagonism from jiang cheng stans against lan wangji is usually justified  l o l. i say this with a deep love in my heart for both of them.) i often see discussions surrounding the “lack of medical consent” re: the golden core transfer which frustrate me immensely because yes!! obviously there was an acute lack of consent in this interaction! yes, the consequences of it were devastating to the shuangjie relationship! but a) i don’t like trying to apply modern medical ethics to fantasy ancient china because that way lies danger and bad textual analysis, and b) i’m sometimes very :/ about the way the discussions are framed, especially with regards to wen ning. i’ve seen people accuse wen ning of being righteous and arrogant in the reveal scene, say that he was hurting jiang cheng on purpose and got to walk away feeling good about himself and holier-than-thou and it’s like. i don’t understand seeing this as a moral thing?? wen ning DID hurt jiang cheng on purpose, he did it because he loved wei wuxian and didn’t want to see jiang cheng hurt him anymore. and why shouldn’t wen ning get to be angry with jiang cheng? why shouldn’t wen ning lash out? why isn’t this completely understandable given the way jiang cheng has treated wen ning in the past? this was not kind of wen ning, but isn’t it very easy to comprehend?

i think there’s sometimes a tendency to turn jiang cheng into the sole victim of the core transfer tragedy, or perhaps the worse-off victim, which in a lot of ways i understand -- there is a specific trauma in sheltering a secret of your own pain and sacrifice, and wei wuxian, though he didn’t intend to, was able to be freed of that secret while jiang cheng was not (at least not by the end of canon), and there is yet another very specific trauma in being denied your own agency and lied to as if you were a fragile child. i do think wei wuxian’s sacrifice was arrogant and foolhardy and caused a lot of harm to jiang cheng, and I do think wen ning spoke with intention to hurt jiang cheng during the core reveal scene -- what upsets me, i think, is that i don’t react to that with a righteous anger on jiang cheng’s behalf but with really intense sadness for every person involved.

there’s that post or whatever that goes around, the one that says the power of tragedy comes from it being preventable from the exterior but inevitable from the interior, and that’s how i feel about it. that all of these characters’ strengths are simultaneously their downfalls in this situation. wei wuxian is a prodigy, he is confident, and he repays his debts. wen ning is kind, forgiving, and deeply loyal. jiang cheng is dutiful, and he loves fiercely and intensely.

of course jiang cheng saw the wens about to capture wei wuxian and thought, i will not let them take him. of course wei wuxian reacted to jiang cheng’s core destruction by attempting the impossible at great personal cost. and of course wen ning kept it all secret. and of course it all ended like this.

god!!!! i like. of course i understand being angry with wei wuxian and wen ning, especially in the reveal scene, especially when wei wuxian and wen ning are both so popular and have so many defenders, i get feeling like jiang cheng has so few people to speak for him and wanting to voice an anger that he would be justified in feeling but cannot express in canon. i do get it! but at the same time, I just am like. every single person here suffered so much from a surfeit of love. weeps uncontrollably and i also just wish, in general, that there were fewer takes that act like the only way to like a character is to put other characters down. it’s not a contest good god. and your character doesn’t have to be the perfect victim or hero in order to deserve the love and compassion you want to give them!! shakes the entire 3zun fandom

..... well! here’s yet another episode of cyan gets too deep in the weeds on an opinion you didn’t even ask me about! anyways i guess it’s jiang cheng feelings hours. don’t know why but hey.

(ko-fi)

🍵 ((un)popular) opinions meme

[convenientalias]

I Rate Kdramas by Quality of Whump: Part Two

A while back I rated a lot of kdramas by how good their whump was.

And now, I am back to do it some more with the kdramas I've been watching since then.

Some notes:

There will be a few spoilers below, though not terribly detailed.

Yes this rating scale is completely objective and accurate. What are you talking about?

If it seems like most of the ratings are high, that's bc whump is half the time why I'm watching a drama anyway! Whump, intrigue and shippiness are the things I look for in kdramas for the most part.

The Dramas:

Beyond Evil--This is a thriller where most of the whump is emotional. In particular, Lee Dong-sik and Park Jeong-je are really put through the ringer throughout the drama. Han Ju-won, played by a favorite actor of mine, Yeo Jin-goo, also gets his share of angst--has parental drama and guilt on his shoulders, and at one point he gets framed for a crime (sort of on purpose). The emotional whump is good stuff but I generally expect more physical whump from a crime thriller, and the level of that here is very low. 5/10, there are some very good scenes but I feel there was such potential for more.

Color Rush--There are three BL miniseries on this list and I was surprised by the whump level of two of them. This one in particular. I get that seeing colors out of the blue (haha!) is surprising when you've been colorblind your whole life, but is it necessary for Yeon Woo to faint quite so often? Yes, actually. Bc it is whumpy and good. The show also contains a lot of angst, anxiety and even a suicide attempt. Yeon Woo's love interest, Yoo Han, is also clearly obsessed with him and kind of aggressive/possessive about it (and also causes him to faint a couple times pretty much on purpose). But this is a romance drama, so this is more or less shown as romantic. Honestly 7/10, this drama didn't have to go this hard but I'm glad it did.

The Devil Judge--Whump level is deliberate, this show made a Choice. Both main characters are put through the ringer: explosions, false accusations (and true accusations!), kidnapping incidents, threats, people they love dying, strangling and punching (well, one lead strangles and punches the other... this is quality stuff), and so on and so forth. I find myself also thinking about Jeong Seon-ah's angst, the way she is judged for her lower-class background, her crisis of conscience, but I suppose that's not technically whump (except in the way of all tragic backstories, which, btw, our two male leads also have). Anyway. 10/10, this show set out to be whumpy and it succeeded.

Lovers of the Red Sky--I feel like historical dramas in general, even light-hearted ones, have a strong belief in whump, and Lovers of the Red Sky is no exception. Ha Ram's bouts of possession are always somewhat whumpy--sometimes he faints at the start of them, other times he's struggling for control, other times there's just the confused aftermath, but there's always something. Ha Ram also gets imprisoned for a certain amount of the show, and his backstory is of course tragic, involving human sacrifice and murder and all that good stuff. Other ppl in the show are not whumped as much, but I think Ha Ram's level of whump makes up for it. 7/10, this is not a very dark and whumpy show but it makes good use of whump for flavoring.

Mine--I mentioned in my last post that I'm so-so on lady whump, which is mostly what you get here. Jae-kyeong gets actually strangled (okay, I was kind of into it), Hi-soo suffers a miscarriage (just upsetting to me, but the recovery h/c was pretty good actually), and Seo-hyun gets blackmailed (...I was kind of into that too). Very little guy whump going around but Ji-yong sure is going through it (by it I mean a mental breakdown as everyone in his life turns against him). I guess I'll give it a 5/10; whump was not what kept me invested in this show but there is a decent level depending on what you like.

Mad Dog--Truly I appreciate that although this show already had a protagonist whose family was fridged killed in a plane crash and who was very broody about it, they realized that the true whump target of the show should be Kim Min-joon by virtue of his being acted by Woo Do-hwan (and also his being a slick conman loner type, very good for whumping). The dude gets strangled multiple times and also almost burns to death in a car, and has lots of angst and more than once makes it clear he doesn't care if he lives or dies. Other characters also get whumped in moderation. I give it an 8/10, once again a pretty light show makes good use of whump for flavoring.

Mr. Sunshine--This show had three goals: 1) history, 2) flirting, and 3) whump. Personally I think Eugene should have been whumped more bc he was my fave. But he did get shot and threatened and arrested and all that jazz, so I'm not particularly bitter about it. Gu Dong-mae is the show's whumpee of choice, though. Stabbed, shot, tortured, and a tragic backstory to boot (well, who doesn't have a tragic backstory in this show lols), and defiant through it all, it's no real surprise he's also as far as I can tell the fan favorite character. Really respectable levels of whump. 9/10.

The Veil--Whump is the main thing this show has going for it. Our amnesiac lead gets framed for crimes, kidnapped, sent to prison, tortured, and generally beat up throughout the show. This is on top of trauma flashbacks, paranoia, and occasional bouts of doubting his sanity. It's pretty good stuff. 8/10 bc the plot doesn't tend to linger on the whump bc it is also very much about competent spies being competent.

Where Your Eyes Linger--The second BL miniseries that impressed me, albeit not as much as Color Rush in this aspect. Imo a bodyguard romance should have a LOT of whump but this show focuses more on forbidden love, employee/employer relationship vs. friendship, class differences, and homophobia. Those last two episodes, though. Kidnapping, beat-downs, the implication that Gook has served as Tae-joo's whipping boy in the past... all very good. 5/10, good effort but could have been more.

You Make Me Dance--The third BL miniseries I watched this year. This is a broke dancer/loan shark romance and considering that, the level of whump is pathetic. Just a little intimidation and emotional angst, and not even that much of that. 1/10, a Disappointment to me personally.

[flickeringart]

Living without desire?

I’m sure we’re all familiar with the old spiritual piece of wisdom  “desire is the cause of suffering”… this notion is articulated in the four noble truths of Buddhism:

The first truth states that pain is experienced by all beings

The second truth states that desire, accompanied by pleasure and passion of all kinds leads to pain

The third truth states that to be free from pain is to abandon desire and passion

The fourth truth states that the method to stop pain and suffering is through the Eightfold path of right understanding, thought, speech, action, livelihood, effort, memory and mindfulness.

In my own experience, I’ve found that desire and attachment bring pleasure  – but it’s more or less always accompanied by pain. One is bound to suffer if one is deprived of the very thing that one attributes emotional value to. I believe that pain, in most cases, is an agent of the divine, because it puts the individual in a position to buckle under completely or continue life from the place of a more true and pure position. One never knows how much one is dependent on external or internal things until they collapse and give in. People who have strong attachments are by definition passionate, and astrologically, this would be typical of Scorpio individuals. Scorpio is the sign of death and rebirth, of emotional intensity and perseverance. Scorpio is an emotional water sign that seeks to merge yet protect the integrity of the emotional nature. Everything in life can be lost and snatched away – not only material possessions and people whom one loves, but inner stability and integrity can be threatened as well.

To be intensely emotionally attached is quite the experience, yet the power with which the passion burns is the same power that will destroy and cause pain. Scorpio is really the sign in which pain and pleasure are intertwined. One hates that which one loves because the object, person or activity has enslaved and consumed the person, has the person in its grip. This obsession and subsequent self-destruction is typical of Scorpio and its ruler Pluto. Sometimes love is equated with this dynamic, but it’s not more loving than any other sign or planet. Scorpio wants to possess and be in control, yet is curiously drawn to experiences that involves violation and complete dominance and forceful abnegation of individual power – presumably because there’s value in that kind of experience. But what is the value exactly?

The value is freedom of bondage – not in the way that one is relatively powerful in comparison to a particular temptation, but because one is rid of psychological “hooks”. Being hooked is after all, antithetical to free will. When one is hooked one is enslaved.

(Buy products with my art)

As already established, intense desire in the compulsive sense seems to go hand in hand with experiences of pain – mostly because the desire is not consciously put in motion. The 8th house in astrology (Scorpio and Pluto’s house) relates to the underpinnings of reality, the invisible emotional structure of values and attachments that is predominantly subconscious. We all know that people around us have certain attachments that they can’t break and wouldn’t break willingly because it would entail a lot of pain, even though the pattern might be destructive. Some people need to have a partner that loves them and some people need to have their skills be acknowledged and would do anything to have it be that way. Some people have to have their freedom because they can’t stand bondage and would step over anyone to get it if they had to. Scorpio and Pluto individuals often have this kind of attitude to certain things whether they’re aware of it or not – when push comes to shove, they will destroy that which is a lesser value in order to preserve that which is of a higher value. Some would sacrifice their lives for certain causes. A mother that is psychologically dependent on her children’s success in life might deprioritize other children if the choice had to be made between her own off-spring and another’s. Or she might be more inclined to uphold some kind of ethical code by not prioritizing any one over another, but in that case she is more loyal to an intellectual principle than anything else. What one does depends on what one values and how strongly one values it. Usually people have a hierarchy of values without being conscious of it. Sometimes, the hierarchy of values only reveals itself when one is put under pressure to choose.

The 8th house is the domain of unconscious attachments and emotional complexes. It is indeed a mysterious house. It’s the house of merging, of sex (the psychic experience rather than the physical act), of intimacy and unspoken emotional contracts. In movies, there’s often the case of a character being physically together with someone, yet when the pressure is increased and the person has to choose between the partner or the kids, or the partner or another person/lover with which one feels closer to emotionally, that which was the fact on an unconscious level all along is suddenly out in the open. It seems like circumstances sometimes have to push a person into becoming aware of the psychic makeup and consciously admit to that which was spelled out in the subtext all along. The person actually had a much stronger investment in the children than in the spouse, or didn’t really care for to wife as much as the lover on the side. It’s a silly example, but you get my point.

The power of a certain desire seems to be dependent on how conscious the person is of it and how much personal responsibility one is able to take for it. The same goes for actions, which of course is fueled by desire. People with planets in the 8th house in their natal chart usually have a problem with consciously owning that which the planets represent. For example, someone with their Moon in the 8th house can be dependent on emotional safety that attachment to another provides, which might make them carry out actions that are predominantly unconscious and compulsive. There are usually hidden “shadowy” complexes for nurturing and caring for other people. The person is unaware of his or her own needs so they operate secretively. This could be quite harmless, but it could also be destructive. As long as the person’s Moon keeps working within the shadows, the detrimental consequences cannot be remedied. The fear isn’t faced and the complex cannot be worked through – in a sense, one is a powerless to the dynamic and doesn’t know it. Pain, in this kind of situation, can be beneficial, because it forces awareness.

Within desire lies the potential for non-desire; in attachment can the potential for non-attachment be found. “Right action” as one of the steps of the eightfold path, is presumably action that is completely void of desire – and I might add – of fear. There’s no hidden complex at the root of “right action”. It’s action taken without the motivation to avoid or attain anything in particular on an emotional level. The same would apply to the rest of the seven folds of the path. There’s clarity and pure consciousness without the striving for pleasure and the avoidance of pain. This is essentially what Scorpio is the epitome of, complete invulnerability through separation from that which must kill itself. That which must kill itself is the desire, and it does this through burning up from within, if one could just let it. The Right Path lies beyond desire. The Right Path will unfold itself through consciousness.

[anxiousnerdwritings]

Hii! I love your blog! I was wondering if request are still open can you do yan!mikaelson siblings x platonic!reader

Yandere General Mikaelson Siblings (platonic)

The Mikaelsons are bad enough to deal with individually but together they're so much worse. If they're not fueling each other's own obsession or behavior then they're constantly trying to one up one another.

You won't know what privacy is after the Mikaelsons have "forced" welcomed you into the family. Whatever you alone time you once had will be nonexistent. All your time will be filled with one or all the Mikaelsons vying for your attention; whether it be Klaus insisting on painting you or just having you sit while he vents, or Elijah reading either to you or with you. Or even Rebekah dragging you out shopping with her or intruding on whatever your doing only to complain about what the others have gotten up to, or dealing with Kol trying to get you to tag along to cause whatever trouble he's aiming to stir up.

Klaus is by far the worst amongst the Mikaelson siblings. All he wants is to keep you safe and with the family, with him. If he had it his way he would lock you away and throw out the key but Rebekahand Elijah call that being immoral and cruel. You're the most important thing to Klaus, he will do anything to ensure nothing happens to you. You'll be the only one to calm his angry tantrums and talk him down from harming any of his siblings. He has such a soft spot for you, all the siblings do, but you could literally get away with anything when it comes to Klaus. You could do no wrong in his eyes unless you were to try and leave him or the family of course, but even then he could never bring himself to ever physically harm you.

Klaus is beyond possessive, delusional and clingy, he demands your constant time and attention. He is known for his very temperamental behavior and he hates to share you with anyone, especially his siblings. But he's highly hypocritical all the same, expecting his siblings to share or give up their own time with you for him but he wouldn't do the same for them, going as far as throwing a hissy fit if ever asked to.

Rebekah is also possessive and clingy, she doesn't necessarily need your attention 24/7 as long as she can be in your presence and stay close to you, she doesn't really mind. She's just as protective as her brother's, as well as petty, if someone rubs her the wrong way they're either dead or she'll surely get revenge against them. Anyone close to you is no exception.

Rebekah is another one who can be much more tolerable then Kol and Klaus. She's more empathetic and understanding of the controlling behavior of mostly Klaus and how he will go to all ends to make sure he has you by his side and as much as that annoys her, she would do the same given the chance. She loves you just as much as her brothers and she's willing to go above and beyond to keep you safe and happy. Your happiness means the world to her, she may not have gotten the chance at her own but she'll be damned if you suffer the same fate. She'll fight for your happiness and do anything to ensure it but all she asks is that you let her stay by your side and be a part of you life.

Even though she herself has been willing, more times then not, to give everything up for love, she won't stand for you doing so. She's more than willing to accompany you to live a somewhat normal, human life but when it comes to love, that's a whole other situation. Of course she wants you happy and she does but she can't accept the thought of you abandoning her for someone else, or the thought of you being happy without her. You make her happy and give her the love she's always yearned for and she's not letting someone's else have that, whether they be friends or love interests. She won't let you leave her behind.

Elijah is far more passive when it comes to you, he knows and is understanding of how you'll react to being taken and brought into the family. Klaus, Kol and Rebekah will be far more impatient to your distress but Elijah will give you the time to adjust, keeping his younger siblings at bay all the while. You'll probably grow closer to him specifically because of this fact but that won't sit well with the others, especially Klaus.

Elijah is by the far the easiest to tolerate. He's always the one to lend his ear to you whenever you have something on your mind about. He'll actually listen to your words of needing space or time for yourself, but you'll only have a limited amount of free time and he's always close by in case anything may go awry. Elijah is the most fair out of his siblings but that doesn't mean that he isn't selfish for your time and attention much like his siblings, he's just much better at getting your willingness to spend time with him then his siblings are.

Even though he is much calmer and empathetic then his siblings, at least regarding Kol and Klaus, he can still be just as cunning, ruthless and murderous as them, but with the added patience in tow. He's just as obsessive but he's more protective then anything else. He just wants to keep you safe and happy. He'll be less likely to compel you, only doing so if it's in your best interest. But your needs will always come first for Elijah, he's not afraid to go against his own kin especially if it's for you. But then again, he isn't opposed to sacrificing your own thoughts and feelings if it ensures you staying with the family, whether that's what you want or not.

Kol is the definition of unpredictable, he's a loose canon waiting to go off, especially when it comes to you. He loves when you're along for the ride to cause whatever chaos he plans to ensue, whether your willing or not, it's his way of bonding and spending quality time with you. He has absolute no shame about killing anyone in regards to you, he'll do whatever he wants as long as he gets to keep you with him.

Kol isn't one for sharing, non of the Mikaelsons are save for Elijah, it's his least favorite thing about you being part of the family. He will encourage you to run off with him and cause whatever trouble the two of you can get into, hell he may even just up and take you away from his siblings without hesitation or a care in the world. He doesn't care too much for your's or other's thoughts and feelings especially in regards to his entitled time both to you and with you.

He is possessive and delusional. He's another one who demands your constant time and attention. He'll often go on killing sprees for you, feeding from anyone and everyone who has so much as looked at or have breathed the same air as you. Sometimes he'll even bring you back souvenirs from his murderous endeavors. He expects you to praise him for his efforts and accept his gifts. He's just showing you how far he's willing to go for you. Rebekah and Elijah are the ones who will usually clean up after him and dispose of his 'gifts'.

Kol and Klaus are the ones who won't bat an eye at killing anyone close to you, let alone your own family. They both go out of their way to get rid of anyone who has interacted with you, feeling the need to prove that they're so much better than any of them.

Klaus and Kol will be the ones to push for you to be turned right away but Rebekah and Elijah will push harder for you to be, at the very least, a certain age so that you can still live a relatively normal human life for the time being until the set date. Of course if anything detrimental were to happen they would change you in a heart beat. Klaus and Kol may even conspire together or separately to change you quickly.

The longer you're human the more the Mikaelsons will be protective and hover around you 24/7. You and your safety are the upmost importance to them, they aren't going to take any risks with you involved.

All they want is for you to be with them and be a family, they're all more then willing to compel you to be willing of and accepting to the family. All the siblings in their own ways will sacrifice your true happiness and what you really want by compelling you, whether they know it or not. At the end of the day they are selfish, immortal beings who want what they want and they will do anything and everything to both get and keep it.

If Esther and Mikael ever take any interest in you or were the ones to actually bring you into the family in the first place, the siblings won't tolerate them trying to get close to you whatsoever. After what they've had to go through with their own parents they aren't going to put you through the same suffering and fear that they've had to live with and runaway from for centuries. The siblings will only be fueld all the more to protect you and to finally get rid of their birth givers for once and for all.

No one will be safe from the wrath of the Mikaelson siblings. If they feel threatened by someone then they will gladly kill that person and use any and all necessary actions to keep you safe and with them. You'll only ever be safe with your new family. They'll keep you safe and happy, at least what they consider happy. But you'll never have to fret, you're family will always be there for you, even if they are the only ones you have left.

Any and all friends and love interests will be seen as threats to the family. They don't want you being close with anyone except your new family. Your already existing family will be killed or compelled to forget about you. The siblings may even use their compulsion to have your family go against each other, breaking your family from the inside out.

They'll make sure to take very good care of you from now on, you won't ever have to worry about being abandoned or left to fend for yourself. You'll have four very capable family members to stay by your side, loving and protecting you for the rest of your soon to be immortal life.

[slytherinsnekxvii]

let's talk about lily evans. she's an interesting character—or rather, the case surrounding her character is quite interesting.

i honestly don't know if i can say i dislike her. by all means, she should be a fan favourite, and she is... but for some rather intriguing reasons.

for one thing, due to the fact she's hardly expanded on in the series, certain parts of the fandom have been forced to either take the few qualities that she displays canonically and amplify them to the extreme (eg. immediate righteous anger at the slightest hint of injustice in fic) or create an entirely new personality (eg. no, i didn't actually disapprove of your pranks, it was just sexual tension). of course, the option of creating a new personality is much more tempting when you can just add amplified canon traits on the side.

for another, her relationship with james sometimes seems likes it's being weaponized against snape and his fans. i've seen arguments that go like "haha, snape just wanted to fuck lily, but james got her in the end anyway, sucks to be you", and not only does it entirely reduce her to an object, it feels like they don't even care about the relationship, the dynamics or the characters. she's basically a plot device.

and thirdly, half of her characterisation in fic is to be a peter stand-in. we don't like the rat man, so let's take the pretty girl and put her in place of the guy who was canonically a member of the marauders, even up until he was named secret keeper. suddenly, she's a prankster and an enabler.

but, snek, you may say, all of that is fanon lily, tho. you just explained that people seem to like her because they just put any personality they want into her as long as she's at least vaguely a good person. you would be right.

let's look at canon lily. she's described as the brightest witch of her age, most everyone speaks favourably of her. in fact, the only people we see actively disliking/being upset with her are petunia, out of jealousy and the invasion of privacy concerning her letter, severus, who lashed out and used a slur that also applied to him in a moment of serious distress and apologised after, and well, pureblood supremacists by virtue of her being muggleborn. interestingly enough, even this dislike manages to develop everyone's character more than it does her own.

as a teenage girl myself, let's look at her actions as a teenage girl. not necessarily in chronological order because I'm writing this at 2am and my memory is already mediocre at best.

1. she's done well enough in school to be considered trustworthy and responsible enough to be a prefect.

okay, i can respect that. a good few of the prefects at my school were really just appointed based on how much the teachers liked you, but at hogwarts, there's so few of them that they must put at least a little effort into it, so i'll move on.

2. she does not press for details when informed that her best friend's life needed to be saved by someone who has been publicly tormenting him for years

now, see, there's no reason why she needs to play therapist. it's not her job, she's just a girl, and we know that snape wasn't supposed to talk about the incident, so he would've been stuck if she had asked for an explanation. however, i also feel like she doesn't seem particularly concerned about his wellbeing, and when he brings up his concerns about lupin, rather than ask for proof, she dismisses it. which, fair enough, i would hate to listen to someone talk about the same thing over and over and over, but, i also feel like the fixation on a theory like that would be cause for concern.

3. she dismisses the actions of a group known to play tricks that harm people and have specifically been tormenting her best friend on the basis that they don't use dark magic

first, i'm going to establish what i usually assume dark magic refers to. aside from jinxes, hexes and curses, i also include anything that produces an effect similar to any of the unforgivables (takes away your life, your free will or your ability to feel safe in your own body, such as when you're in excruciating pain), and magic that would require a sacrifice of some sort.

when snape tries to point out the danger in what the marauders do, she insists that they don't use dark magic. and they don't... but they do use illegal magic. she then argues against the company that snape keeps, which, again, to be fair, is justified considering mulciber's done something to mary macdonald... it's also not a particularly realistic ask. snape probably shares a dorm with these guys, and he's a poor half-blood so he's already on the outs. as far as he knows, any dissent will be met with him getting hexed in his sleep. but, i digress.

given that the marauders have been shown to be doing extremely dangerous with little regards to anyone's safety, and actively tormenting her best friend, i disagree with her choice here. on the other hand, she's made her own friends in gryffindor and perhaps she sees a nicer side of them that we don't get to. she's justified in her actions, but i still disagree.

4. she intervenes when her best friend is hung upside down by a spell of his own invention at the wands of the people who have tormenting him for years

she does object to the marauders' treatment of him, and she does try to get them to let him down. if i were in her position, i would absolutely do the same. i respect the decision to stand up for her friend.

5. she does not seriously attempt to help him or punish the marauders

i do not respect how she handled it. at any point, she could have drawn her wand. but, snek, you say, perhaps she didn't want to get involved physically. she wanted to follow the rules. in that case, at any point, she could taken points, assigned detention, or sent someone to get a member of staff. she does none of those things and i viscerally disagree. if we were ever friends and someone tried to hurt you, i can assure you that i would try to at least see to it that they'd be punished, even if it wasn't immediate or by my own hand. lily, however, chooses to argue rather than take action.

6. she smiles when severus gets hung upside down

chances are, it was more than likely an involuntary reaction, like laughing when your friend has fallen over. however, the fact that it was intentionally written in seems like it's mean to be an indicator that the friendship was already falling apart.

7. she comments on her best friend's poverty and uses a name that's been used to make fun of him after he calls her a slur that also applies to him

she was 100% within her rights to be upset by being called a slur. it is never okay to use slurs. the only situation in which a slur could possibly ever be appropriate would be if you were an oppressed group attempting to reclaim said slur which is not at all what snape was doing here. he was experiencing cruelty, being humiliated, publicly, for no reason beyond existing and he was in distress, choking on soap and upside down. it was damaging to his pride, especially when james suggests that he needs lily to fight his battles for him (paraphrasing) which is an emasculating statement to make, especially to a teenage boy. so, snape lashes out with the most hurtful word he could think of, which happened to be a slur that also applies to him. lily was 100% justified in being upset about this, and she retaliated in kind. she was very much allowed to say what she said. i understand that she was hurt and angry and i respect that, especially as i can't guarantee that i would not have been just as upset in that situation.

8. even when the threat of sexual harassment is made, she still does nothing

i get it, at this point, she's hurt, she's mad, she wants him to suffer since she's a teenage girl and teenage girls hold grudges like it's nobody's business, but... i definitely couldn't just stand by and watch it happen. she basically just let them go through with it.

9. she does not accept her best friend's apology for calling her a slur that also applies to him, effectively burying the friendship

she is, by no means, obligated to continue being friends with him. however, if i were in that position, and the apology was sincere, i would take the friend back.

10. she goes on to date and eventually marry the guy who bullied her former best friend for his entire school life

no. i disagree. but, snek, you say, james changed. no. he didn't. we know, that at this point, james was still going after snape behind lily's back. you can say that she didn't know, but that means that she would have allowed james to lie to her and that doesn't sit right with me bc a relationship built on lies is a relationship that is going to fall apart, especially when your partner has been disappointed by your actions before. you can say that she did know, and that proves that she simply didn't take her responsibilities as head girl seriously enough to stop the head boy from harassing people when she explicitly told him not to. the point is, no. there is no way that this would have worked out as a long term relationship. james is too comfortable lying to her. i can't even say she was justified. there is no circumstance where i personally see this as okay for anybody involved.

alright, so, essentially teenage lily was justified in (most of) her actions, even if i find them questionable.

adult lily dies at 21, while saving her son, but her death also helps save the wizarding world. good job. she, as expected, did what any good mother would.

and that's canon lily.

my thoughts: she's a perfect example of why writing tips are so adamant on making sure people try to show and not tell. we were told that lily is meant to be good and pure and lovely, but the author never bothered to actually prove that, so what we're left with a dissonance between what we see and what we know.

as a result, i still don't know if i truly dislike her. her actions are justified, but they don't match with what we've been told, and we don't have any other information to go off of. at best, i can say for certain that i disagree with many of her choices, despite understanding why she would have made them (except for marrying james potter, uggghh, the only good thing to come out of that was harry and the saving of the wizarding world by extension, ig).

thanks for reading all that, btw! hope it made sense :)

[yeonban]

*  KAGARI SHUUSEI,  HEADCANONS ┆ VERSES.

*  KAGARI SHUUSEI,  VERSES ┆ MODERN.

 Shuusei  owns  a  dog,  more  exactly  a  shiba  inu,  that  he  jogs  with  every  day.  Because  of  this  routine,  he’s  built  quite  a  noteworthy  amount  of  stamina  and  love  for  running.

 Starting  from  his  time  in  high  school,  Shuusei  opted  to  become  a  casual  streamer  whose  twitch  streams  and  youtube  videos  are  generally  gameplays  of  various  games  he  has  purchased  along  the  years.  The  majority  of  his  games  are  focused  on  combat  (his  favorite  videogames  are  from  the  FPS,  RPG  and  action  categories),  but  he  can  also  be  seen  playing  retro,  fitness,  cooking  etc  games  every  so  often.  If  his  friends  are  into  it,  he  sometimes  also  does  collabs  for  “irl”  games  like  physical  mahjong.

 Shuusei  attends  two  universities  (his  parents’  idea),  one  being  languages-focused,  while  the  other  is  sports-focused.  He  is  at  the  top  of  his  class  in  the  main  courses  (with  an  innate  knack  for  learning  languages  and  with  a  talent  for  track  and  run),  although  he  struggles  severely  when  it  comes  to  the  science  or  art  courses  that  sometimes  make  his  way  into  his  schedule  (&  depending  on  how  complex  the  subjects  are,  he  sometimes  requires  after-hours  tutors  to  pass  these  classes).

 After  university,  he  is  scouted  by  the  japanese  government  to  become  one  of  their  Olympics  athletes  for  track  and  run,  which  he  accepts  for  the  money  involved.  He  has  managed  to  gain  a  bronze  and  a  silver  medal,  but  he  can’t  seem  to  obtain  the  gold  one  no  matter  how  hard  he  tries,  which  drives  him  mad.

 Despite  having  a  history  as  a  streamer,  diplomas  from  two  universities  and  experience  in  the  athletic  world,  Shuusei  doesn’t  know  what  he  wants  to  do  with  his  life  quite  yet.  His  main  goal  is  to  simply  have  fun.

*  KAGARI SHUUSEI,  VERSES ┆ FANTASY.

 Shuusei  is  a  commoner  that  becomes  a  royal  knight  during  his  early  adulthood,  guarding  the  prince  /  princess  /  king  /  queen  /  monarch  (dependent  on  rp  interactions)  of  the  kingdom  he  resides  in.

 He  is  disliked  by  many  not  only  because  of  his  personality,  but  also  because  of   his  upbringing  and  the  fact  that  he  got  within  the  ranks  based  on  pure  skill  rather  than  connections  or  bribes.

 The  reason  he  became  a  royal  knight  isn’t  out  of  devotion,  but  out  of  a  desire  to  gain  enough  money  to  make  his  parents’  lives  easier  and  better,  as  well  as  the  other  commoners’  if  they  were  to  also  require  aid.

 Depending  on  the  royal  he  is  guarding,  they  can  or  can’t  obtain  his  loyalty.  If  they  can,  he  will  protect  them  even  if  he  has  to  sacrifice  his  own  life  for  it.  If  they  can’t,  he  will  protect  them  if  he  knows  he  can  survive  it  as  well,  but  if  his  life  is  also  at  stake,  he  will  let  them  die.

 Regardless  of  whether  they’ve  previously  gained  his  loyalty  or  not,  if  the  royal  becomes  tyrannical  towards  its  citizens,  Shuusei  will  kill  them  with  his  own  hands  /  sword.  The  entire  reason  he  became  a  royal  knight  was  to  better  the  lives  of  the  common  folk,  so  if  they  suffer  or  die  because  of  the  person  he  is  protecting,  then  what  meaning  is  there  to  his  job?

*  KAGARI SHUUSEI,  VERSES ┆ POKEMON.

 Shuusei  was  born  in  the  Kanto  region,  specifically  Celadon  City.  He  is  a  trainer  first  and  foremost,  and  his  main  goal  is  to  defeat  every  gym  leader.

 His  first  pokemon  was  a  Buizel  that  he  accidentally  befriended  as  a  child,  and  they’ve  been  inseparable  ever  since.  No  matter  what,  Buizel  is  the  one  pokemon  that  has  been  /  will  be  with  Shuusei  from  the  start  of  his  journey  and  until  the  end  of  it.

 When  he  started  his  journey  as  a  trainer,  his  starter  pokemon  was  a  Charmander,  and  his  first  badge  was  Celadon’s  Rainbow  Badge.  

 In  Arceus,  he  is  a  traveler  from  Kanto,  currently  wandering  Sinnoh  with  his  Buizel  by  his  side.

[jason-pipers]

the jason/piper breakup and jason’s subsequent death

it is a long and angry post so you have been warned 

 I’m really sick of seeing Jason Grace/Piper McLean slander in their own tag, and I’m really, really sick of seeing people justify their breakup/his death as good writing. 

As I’ve been studying literature and text for the past four years at Uni- I can say with absolute confidence that The Burning Maze utilizing Jason and Piper was horrible. Like a bag of shit mixed together then smeared on paper and published kind of horrible. Actually, you don’t even really need a degree to be able to point out the very basic absurdity of them appearing in TBM. So even though I have a paper due on a completely unrelated topic and a lot of homework, I naturally decided this was a much better thing to write about: 

 Maybe in another world, Rick’s ghostwriters will be better at writing his books. The reason why the Jason/Piper breakup was extremely confusing and done very poorly in the sense of their character arcs was that there was no buildup to the breakup. In fact, I think these two got together off-screen and broke up off-screen. Yet, I’m sure Riordan sat at his desk thinking “now why don’t people just like Jason and Piper?? I give them so much!” Actually, you gave them nothing. It’s also considerably easy to disguise their breakup as logical when it isn’t. Now, people will argue that the basic foundation of the relationship was poorly made because of Hera’s meddling and that’s why they broke up. This is a lazy way to think about it because it’s obvious you don’t care about the characters so you should just say that and go. Hera’s meddling (putting false memories of Jason in Piper’s head and wiping Jason’s brain) really only gave Piper a vague notion of Jason (based on real attributes the Mist pulls) and also gave PERCY and Jason multiple relationships after the switcheroo. But Piper actually meets Jason and then has a subsequent breakdown that maybe he’s not her boyfriend. However, once she gets to know the real Jason (very accurate to the one she knew in her memories because Aphrodite said she could sense real possibilities hinting at their romance), she is still developing romantic feelings for him. It’s implied that the reason why Piper is falling so fast is because the memories she has of Jason are based on the real Jason. It’s easy to establish that Piper has real romantic feelings for Jason, not the made up Jason because the majority of TLH is them getting to know each other. If she felt like there was some confusion on her part about developing feelings for him because of Hera switching Percy and Jason- why did it not come up EVER? The months where Jason and Piper started dating. How about that long ass quest on the Argo? It could have been a valid plot line but it never came up. If it had come up near the end of the series or maybe even if it was a small subplot in the series, it would make the breakup logical, at least narratively. But no, we end Blood of Olympus with Jason and Piper coming full circle with the moment in the stars. Flash forward three years later to TBM where everything (and I mean EVERYTHING) about Piper and Jason are thrown into the trash. They’re broken up due to the false memories and overall I guess it’s implied Piper doesn’t have feelings for him anymore or something? Or the trauma of being in something like that prophecy was a lot for her to handle and she needed some time to figure things out? Yeah of course! Just like when she will go through another trauma (Jason dying for her) and start dating someone new right after. This would be so much easier to read and digest if these things are shown- in their own series and maybe not as a side thing to Apollo’s series. Reading it in TOA was completely out of left field. I know SO MANY PEOPLE were like that makes so much sense! Good for you Piper! But I was like girl, who are you? I feel like I have not spent any time with you and none of what you’re saying is connecting to anything you were like before. Which leads me to believe people just did not like Piper in HOO but just say that and go. HOO Piper is not TBM/TOA Piper. RR doesn’t know how to characterize his own goddamn characters. Furthermore, everything in canon up until TBM implies and directly states that Jason and Piper are endgame. It’s not to say they didn’t have problems that were resolved or that the way they got together was conventional. There was not even a smidge bit of reluctance to admit they were canon endgame- I think RR even had Cupid involved. There was no prediction or even hint of what would happen in TBM in HOO, which is a very big narrative problem. Jason, always isolated by loved ones and quite frankly always shouldering way more than a human can handle dies exactly the way he suffers. There is no growth or even a small lovely moment where we can see Jason. 

This brings me to the most unnecessary death I’ve ever read in my life. I know RR’s ego hurt from the complaints about Jason/Piper/Frank/Hazel/Leo (basically a non-Percabeth character) being underdeveloped. I know his ego was fucked when he “killed” Leo but didn’t really kill Leo so everyone was like what the fuck. I know he wanted to prove he is a good writer but like any other bad writer, he decided to jump the shark. And I know he wanted Jason and Piper to be more likable but the fandom really wanted a Leo-esque character. The breakup really happened because he wanted to demonstrate to critics that he could live with couples not being endgame and knew Jasiper was relatively unpopular compared to Percabeth/Caleo/etc. He wasn’t thinking in terms of ‘does this fit what I’ve created’ but in terms of ‘people might be like oh shit this is violent and they’re finally gone!’. I don’t know what idiotic thought process made him reach the point of killing one of them but he obviously got there. See, there is no difference between Jason or Piper dying in TBM. It could’ve easily been Piper who was impaled by Caligula and reminded Apollo “what it’s like to be human”. They were made *that* insignificant in TBM. Pretty much fucking interchangeable. IN DEATH. It also could’ve been anybody else in the world. It could’ve been that cheerleader from The Battle of the Labyrinth. It could’ve been Piper’s dad. It could have been Sally Jackson. Not a single part of Jason’s death was really related to Jason or his growth. Jason was the main/lead from HOO and if he was destined to die (which he wasn’t because RR doesn’t think anything through anymore), he should have died in his own series. That would make his sacrifice more compelling and important, but dying in TOA is just a big fuck you to his character. I think the only equivalent I can think of is if HOO had solely been Jason’s series but RR pulled up Percy to simply kill him and then just kept writing. What the fuck does TOA have anything to do with Jason or Piper? Or even Leo? I usually love when characters make cameo appearances to remind us of the past we loved them in. Kind of like when Lynda Carter appeared as Asteria in WW1984. Conversely, involving them in the plot and then using them as a plot device for the main character- AKA USING YOUR MAIN CHARACTER AS A PLOT DEVICE FOR ANOTHER MAIN CHARACTER IN A SEPARATE SERIES- is not only dumb but it truly makes everything else you’ve written for the first main character devoid of any real significance. Jason was never a fully fleshed-out character, the way he deserved to be written, because RR couldn’t world build as well as he thought and that ‘every single character gets a POV’ didn’t do the legendary thing he thought it did. However, anything that mattered about Jason was pretty much killed in TBM because he was easily killed by a villain that was not even remotely interested in Jason or aware of his existence. What does FUCK does Caligula mean to Jason? Nothing. Did the final battle create a full circle for Jason other than the line “remember?” which is not really related to his amnesia- no. His character arc was about an identity crisis- being pushed and pulled in two directions. Jason barely means anything to Apollo so RR using Jason as a convenient kill to send home a message is also shitty for Apollo. Lead hero characters can die- they sometimes just have to. Marissa Cooper’s death in the OC narratively makes sense due to the nature of the character being a damsel in distress from the very beginning- a foil to her counterpart, Ryan Atwood. But in this case, RR knew he had to shock people to keep getting $$$. I never got the impression RR cared about Jason or Piper, especially since he was incredibly disrespectful and lazy when writing about Piper. (For that- I can link really detailed posts explaining his racism). The truth is Riordan cannot live without putting his characters in relationships- Frazel, Caleo, Tyson/Ella (?), Hedge/Mellie- but he wanted to prove that he could which is why Jasiper broke up.

Piper’s girlfriend in TON- I didn’t read TON for the reasons above and I don’t think I’ll ever read a Riordan book again: I did find out that Piper gets a GF in TON which at first I thought was incredibly neat but then later became angry when I learned it was only months after Jason’s death? I have always wanted Piper to explore her sexuality but RR has this case of never giving important things the development it deserves. He’s incredibly messy and inconsistent when he creates lgbtqia+ characters, usually only including them so he can get credit for including them. He’s never actually explored Piper’s sexuality fully in the series, but he threw her in yet another relationship we didn’t get to read about right after she was almost beaten to death and then witnessed the murder of her ex-boyfriend. If you think that is representation, please rethink that. We don’t get to hear her talk about anything at all, except maybe mentioning the girl’s name. A subtle hint. Just representation is not good representation and it is right that we demand better representation. Don’t settle for less. For fuck’s sake, Riverdale is only really good at queerbaiting but they get so much praise. (Do they? At this point I can’t tell). If we wanted to explore Piper’s sexuality, it could have been done while she was with Jason or even broken up with him in her own series- why didn’t RR explore the nature of being lgbtqia+ in an Indigenous family? He had the chance to demonstrate an awareness of intersectionality through Piper but he fucked up. He had so much to write about. So, people who are yelling happily about that Piper appearance in TON-??? 

 This was long and frustrating to write. But I had feelings.