#and romance isn't the only outlet

[kedreeva]

#wow now i hate nancy even more like what an overly critical bitch#it's not even bad jfc#wtf was her point other than stomping down on steve and constantly saying how stupid he is#god i hate that cheating bitch who thinks she's so much better and smarter than everyone#stranger things (via @captaincoffeegirl515)

So I get you're mad, but also, this isn't cool. Hating on characters in tags of posts that you didn't make isn't cool. Hating on Nancy isn't cool, either. Fandom isn't and shouldn't be about hate. If fandom is making you angry enough to spew vitriol like this, you may need to step back and take a breather.

If you actually watch the scene this is about, she isn't calling Steve stupid. She doesn't make fun of him, she doesn't even tell him it's bad. He assumes, from her face as she reads, that she thinks it's bad, that she thinks he's bad at writing. Even if he was (which that essay argues he isn't, and I don't think he is), and even if she did (which I don't think she does), she does not say so. In fact she's only encouraging wrt to the paper itself.

Before Nancy even says anything at all, Steve says "It's crap, I know" and Nancy's immediate reaction is to say "No, it's not crap!" Steve then insists "It's not good," and Nancy's response is an affectionate smile and "It's going to be! It just needs some reorganizing." She's not even talking about editing the writing itself or the concepts! She gently asks if she can mark on his paper - respecting that he might not want her to help that directly even after he's clearly asked her to look at it, which is loads better than some commenters I've seen on AO3 these days - and he agrees.

And the thing is? She's being kind about the editing she does do! Literally the first thing she does is tell him she sees the metaphor he's using (acknowledging that she knows he understands metaphor enough to create his own from scratch) and tells him it's a great metaphor. When she does point out something that needs addressing, she doesn't tell him "you did this wrong" she tells him "I don't see how they're connected." Do you know what that is? That's straight up gentle help. That's "you have connected these, I am not saying they are not connected, I am just saying I don't see the connection." I don't do a lot of editing but I've had a lot of editing done at me, and this language is so kind. It does not invalidate the thing the writer is trying to do, it just tells them that if they want to make that point, they have to elaborate to make it clearer to people who aren't inside their head with them. That's a perfectly valid critique and she is giving it to him very softly.

He then explains the point and she turns back to the paper to start rereading when he interrupts to ask if he should start from scratch and she immediately tells him no. She asks about the deadline, he tells her it's tomorrow (for early acceptance, which means Steve is trying to get this in early but also that he's waited until the last second for that), and then he asks if she can come over and help him with it (which a) is him forgetting they already have plans and b) is asking her to give up her plans to do work with him on short notice when he probably had time before this he could have asked. I say this to make it clear that her reaction isn't out of the blue or unjustified).

Nancy, who is still torn up over her best friend being brutally murdered on her watch while she was right there after brushing Barb off, and who still feels horribly guilty about having to lie to Barb's parents about it all, says no, remember they have dinner with Barb's parents that they already bailed on last week- ie, Nancy doesn't want to brush off Barb's parents again when brushing off Barb is what got Barb killed. She even tells Steve "You don't have to go" and suggests he work on the paper instead, giving him an easy out. And he grabs the paper and crumples it and does the thing that raises my hackles saying what's the point and acting like trying won't matter and he may as well give up on it because it wasn't instantly perfect the first time.

The point of contention in this scene is NOT that Nancy is telling him he's stupid, it's NOT that she thinks his paper is crap. The point of contention is that Steve desperately wants life to move forward away from the terrible thing that happened to them, and Nancy cannot walk away from the past that left her so damaged. He wants to focus on a paper to get him into a college (I like to think it's the one she wants to go to, so they can stay together, but that's just a theory), and she wants to go wallow in a sad dinner with the grieving parents of her dead best friend. That is the argument. It has nothing to do with his paper except that the paper is a device to show he's trying to move forward and the dinner is showing that she's stuck in the past.

This also isn't Nancy thinking she's better or smarter than anyone. This is Steve being faced with having to care about schoolwork because for maybe the first time in his life the result of his written work matters to him and he's very easily frustrated by not being immediately successful, and Nancy being so wrecked by the trauma she went through that she's barely keeping her own head above water, such that she cannot help him the way he needs despite wanting to. This isn't anyone treating anyone badly out of malice or being a bad person; this is incompatibility rearing its head and getting ready to bare its teeth. This is their trauma responses butting heads. This is the first whisper of how much they don't and can't fit right now. It is the first sign that they aren't going to stay together.

I don't doubt that they love each other. It's not even a question to me. But despite the idea sold to so many people in story and song, love isn't enough. It can't be the only thing. You can love someone to the moon and back but if you don't fit, you don't fit- and trying to carve yourself into the right shape will do far more harm than good. And that's what we'll see them realize, later, and that's why they split apart. Not malice, not meanness, not even apathy. They care so much in opposite directions that they're liable to tear each other apart trying to stay together, and instead of forcing it to break them the way he did in season 1, Steve will end up letting go this time. And personally, I think that's an awesome display of character growth.

[vasyandii]

HELLO! ^^

I’m a huge sucker for romance and relationship dynamic type questions so I do have some questions about VernAM (I believe that’s the right way)

Not the questions have to be answered, as I believe I have too many! But here’s my top three

1. In one of the little comics you did I believe AM talked about how he refused to give himself a body heat because of the concern he would produce and odour and this is where this question blooms from, does AM have any insecurities when it comes to his human body, or a fear that he doesn’t meet Vernons expectations? Or that she’ll find something un attractive or gross about him?

2. Whats their favourite thing about each other? It could be a personality trait, a skill, a body part, or say a little habit they tend to do?

3. Are they more dog people, cat people, or some other species like fish or reptilians or do they not prefer animals at all (if they had the ability to adopt pets)

Thank you so much! I love your art so very much and gain lots of inspiration from you to grow better in not just art but in educating myself in different cultures and ethnicities, please remember to drink water and I hope you have a wonderful day! Thank you once again! ^_^

Howdy Romeo! I'm happy I was able to inspire you in some way! I'd be happy to answer all your questions! Thank you for the ask! 💞💞

VernonAM 🏺🖥️

1.) Does AM have any insecurities when it comes to his human body?

Obviously, yes. It's AM's first time on Earth physically, of course he would have insecurities. However, it's not fully because he wants to meet Vernon's expectations. It's the fear of BEING.

(This is gonna lean into some confusing type shit so bear with me. I briefly touched upon it in the second question of this post)

When AM was given a physical, tangible body, there's now a HIM that can suddenly be held accountable for his actions and that makes him uncomfortable. So being aware his body isn't as mighty as him (the complex), AM tries to combat it by removing variables that can be prone to criticism even if Vernon doesn't mind.

Look at it this way; usually people act differently online than they do in real life, right? That's usually because there's often a disconnect with their actions. This discrepancy largely stems from the perceived disconnect between their online actions and their real-world identities. When interacting online, there is often no face or tangible form that can be directly traced back to the individual. This sense of anonymity can lead to a significant reduction in accountability.

As a result, individuals—particularly those who may not be well-adjusted or who possess mean-spirited tendencies—feel emboldened to say and do things they would never consider in face-to-face interactions. They exploit this lack of immediate consequences, engaging in behaviors that are often harmful, disrespectful, or downright cruel - Much like AM, who only just recently acquired a body. (I hope that makes sense ;0;)

2.) What's their favorite thing about each other?

I'll categorize these by personality traits, skill, body part, and habit!

Vernon likes AM because of his hatred/sass because it allows her to have an outlet for her morbid curiosity along with an entertaining conversation. She doesn't find his skills her favorites because that's just him, she believes AM doesn't have skills as a man. Her favorite body part is AM's eyes, he's easier to read as a man. His pupils dilate significantly when he looks at her and AM doesn't even know. A habit she finds endearing from AM is him holding onto the end of her shirt with his hand and following her around wherever she goes.

As for AM, Vernon's take no prisoners attitude is his favorite part of her personality. Of course AM also enjoys the moments when she's caring towards him, but that's something expected. His favorite skill is how good of a liar Vernon is. She could tell him something so outlandish with such a straight face that AM would consider believing it; it's like she believes the lie herself. His favorite part of Vernon's body is her lips, AM likes how soft and warm they are, and how they're shaped. A habit he enjoys is that she would pace around the space they're sharing when she's talking, AM just likes watching her walk, I guess.

3.) Which animals do they prefer, if any?

In regards to if they're cat or dog people; Vernon is a dog person, to her they're easier to train. AM would probably like cats since they do as they please.

For other animals, They would be a Reptile and Bird household xD. I could see Vernon owning a bearded dragon or any cold blooded reptile while AM has like a cool African Grey Parrot :)

But in reality I don't think these two should have access to animals lmao

Aaand that's all for now :3 if you'd like me to clarify anything, feel free to ask! Thank you for reading!

[inkyycapp]

how i think characters would react

if you got (very) hurt: adventure time edition.

tw/cw : angst, fluff, blood, violence, gore?, terrible story building, implied romance, fionna and cake spoilers, a lot of cringe, self-indulgence, character hcs, etc...

[a/n: this is very sloppy and rush as i made this between classes so it's half edited half not and not at all proof read. forgive me. thank you for the love on my last posts!! i wasn't expecting my adventure time hcs to get the attention it did, thank you so much!! i have finished fionna and cake(twice) so, my hcs might slightly shift a bit. at the moment. thinking of cross posting on ao3. reader is usually always gender neutral in all my posts unless stated otherwise. that's all! i'm open to requests and my dms/pms are open. thank you! new additions as well!! this is all i have, i'm sorry. a few more are in the drafts. please tell me if i missed anything tag and cw/tw wise! thank you.]

[holy shit, fionna and cake's finn. honka honka. i don't deserve a platform.]

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

|| it all happened so fast. you could barely recall what happened. one moment you're up-right, after the next you're trying to pick yourself off the ground. your breathing grew more labored at every attempt, and the smell of iron hung heavy in the air. the warm liquid on your hands was a stark contrast to cold that began to wrack your body. it wasn't long 'til your vision faded to black, leaving only questions behind into your last fleeting thoughts. ||

finn.

(the favorite. my favorite.)

-the both of you were exploring an old cave. deep, dark, and damp. it was said to hold treasure far back into the cave, and out of curiosity you both went to explore. what you didn't know was that many people sought out that treasure. many dangerous people.

-going deeper into the cave, you and finn found the treasure, though nothing cool to take back except for a few cool rings. turning on your way out, with your back to the entrance, a sharp pain was felt through your body. looking down you saw the bloodied blade of a sword. you had no time to react as you were shoved off the blade and onto the ground. from there, it was a blur.

-finn would (violently) remove anyone involved. while brutal, he makes sure to end it quick--he doesn't have time for them when you're bleeding out on the ground.

-finn never stopped talking to you, even if you're asleep. it's always optimistic-- he talks about; new things he's found, friends he talked to recently, any new news, old and new stories, the next date he'll take you on, etc... he rambled hours on end in a one-sided conversation. it's how he copes.

-finn's trying to be uplifting. but, by himself he's a mess. he rarely stays at the treehouse because he's too restless. he feels weak, and unable to do anything. when finn's not at your side he's fighting through his feelings. finn had learned it wasn't healthy to use violence as his only outlet, but it makes him feel something that isn't the heavy stone in his chest when he sees you.

-he's a patient man, he knows you'll wake up soon. he just had to be patient. but after around a few days he doesn't want to be "patient" anymore. he wants you to wake up now. finn knows he can't make that happen, but it was a selfish want to keep himself going.

-when you did wake up, he was all over you. there wasn't a time when he wasn't with you, or at least in the same vicinity as you.

-good luck trying to pry yourself away from his arms. this man has fought monsters thrice his size for fun. even your prettiest please wasn't going to work, not this time. you almost died. you could've died and he couldn't do anything about it. those memories never left his brain basket, even when your recovery was going smoothly.

-very anxious about letting you tag along, but knows you'll probably go off on your own if he refuses to take you along. he feels it's safer to allow you to come along, rather than go off on your own. with him, he knows that at least this time he could do better. he won't ever have a repeat of last time.

-finn keeps you close during each adventure, even losing sleep watching the surroundings to be sure no one sneaks up on you. he will refuse to sleep, so you'd have to force him. please give this man all the reassurance, he really needs it. it won't stop his anxiety, or his fear of it happening again, but it puts him at ease. even if it's just a little bit, it helps, nonetheless.

-

fern.

-the green knight has plenty of enemies. of course, fern could protect himself, and you could do the same. however, even if you could protect yourself, there wasn't any chance to protect yourself getting jumped, and a dirty stab to the back. the most dishonorable way to lose to a foe. the amount of ever growing disrespect.

-he loses his shit. sure, he gets mad quickly, but if you were awake to see him like this: holy shit. he grows plentiful thorns, and poison flowers all over himself subconsciously. (he's actually very pretty like this.)

-he's livid, and you're not conscious to do anything about it. and that's just it, you're unconscious, bleeding out on the ground. fern couldn't quite process it just yet. normally you'd stop him from going too far, but you can't right now. that's supposed to never happen. he's confused and angry, and you're not waking up. you're not moving. so, he cuts down anyone involved in a quick motion. he doesn't care how brutal, as long as it's quick. fern wastes no time in picking you up (after managing the thorns and flowers) and taking you to doctor princess.

-fern can't stand seeing you like this. laying weakly on that hospital bed.

-if you think finn's not good at coping, fern is much worse. he doesn't even cope. he's just...there.

-he's so confused, and just shuts down a bit. like he's still there, he's still the green knight-- fern. but, he's just distant. not quite himself-- off.

-fern is unable to wrap his head around what happened to you, but he goes about his 'normal' life. he tries to just go about his casual life without you there, and he's just confused. it doesn't take long before he grows upset, allowing the rage to boil.

-'they used to do that.' 'this was their favorite color.' 'they were supposed to fix that.' 'they like bird houses.' everything reminds him of you. it's impossible to go a single day without a reminder that you're still unconscious.

-i think it gets more apparent when he's out and about as the green knight. he's more violent. but, he doesn't mean to be. it just...happens.

-he's likely not there when you first wake, but when he gets there fern's complaining about everything under his breath. but when he sees you up, that bed isn't just for you anymore.

-he's holding you close, with a firm hold and refusing to let go. he's scolding you for not waking up sooner, and complaining about how life without you was too different. he tried to be casual, but he missed you a bit too much.

-there is also no prying fern off of you-- a common thing between all of them. once you're up, there is no separating you both for a few hours at the least.

-fern is also hesitant about letting you rejoin him on the adventures, but as long as you stay close, and keep weapon on you at all times, he'll agree. but, all of your wounds-- every. single. one.-- had to be medically evaluated as ok, and no threat to your health before anything.

-

farmworld!finn.

(post crown -- pre fionna and cake.)

-he's in shock, not moving for a few moments. he knew why he'd be hated, or hunted down, killed even, but why you? why did they have to drag you into this?

-someone in the many gangs around the parts found you somewhere in the clearing waiting for finn. you both had previously planned a picnic out in a nice clearing in the woods. he was running late. but, once he found you bleeding out and onto grass, he's thrown way off guard.

-finn is quickly trying to pick you off the grass, trying to get you out of there, and dragging you back to his cabin. finn manages to tend to each of your wounds. though, the moment he's done, and you're in a stable condition-- he's leaving the cabin for a few hours.

-he finds whoever did this to you, and doing what he couldn't earlier. finn is driving in the same injuries they gave to you over and over again. he doesn't let up until he's in tears. finn knows that this changes nothing. he knows this won't make him feel better, but he needed to do something. anything. even if it's for his own sadistic pleasure to see the regret on their faces-- to see them like this. pathetically clawing at the dirt in an attempt to ground themselves through the pain-- trying to crawl away from his bloodied hands.

-(robot hand included.)

-finn leaves them with their lives(barely), and a warning before disappearing into the woods.

-he is struggling to cope. finn hold your hand in his abnormally cold one running his thumb over your knuckles. he's constantly checking in on you, and rarely leaving your side. sleeping, and eating could wait. after all that's happened with the crown, you're all he has left. he can't lose you too.

-he stays by your side as much as he can. finn knows he should probably take his mind off of...your condition and stay productive but it's difficult. the only reason the cabin is warm is because if it got too cold you'd start to shake. he makes food only because if you wake up you might be hungry.

-he doesn't know what to do for the most part, just waiting and hoping that you'll be better in no time. a fear lingers deep inside him that you'll worsen the moment he closes his eyes. so, finn stays up. there are times when he has passed out around the house, and when he wakes up he's absolutely terrified; running to check on you, checking to make sure your wounds haven't reopened, making sure you're alive.

-a deep seeded fear the you'll wilt away in his arms. it keeps him up at night-- it eats at him day by day.

-you're finally awake, but even then the fear doesn't fade. he's at you're every call so much that it begins to worry you.

-you'll have to force him, and i mean force him to sleep. you're ok, he's ok-- everything is ok. he can finally rest.

-he's just happy you're still there with him.

-

prismo.

-you? hurt? nope. not on his time watch. prismo has you out of the situation in seconds, without a scratch. he refuses to ever see you in any pain.

-though, hypothetically, if there's ever a time where you do get hurt, and your wounds cannot be fixed with his wish master magic, and he's "too late", he's not so well.

-you're on a comfy little bed in the wishing room, laying on top of him. your wounds are bandaged up, and cleaned, with your breathing finally stable.

-he never leaves you side once. (sensing a pattern in everyone.) it's either him, or a copy of him. when he's granting wishes to whoever manages to make it to his wishing room, he keeps you in the cube with a copy of himself to watch over you.

-tries to make small talk with your unconscious self...it doesn't go well. the owl visits more often only to lay it's eyes upon the slum prismo is in.

-the cosmic owl tries to ease the depression, though fails miserably. if jake is still alive; his visits, brings gifts, barber sessions, the whole mile for his other best bud. it does kinda help, even if it was just a bit-- but, he's greatful nonetheless.

-while he could be doing better, prismo is doing the best out of everyone to be honest(if jake is around). jake's visits have been more than helpful to this guy, and honestly without jake, he'd be worse than just a mess.

-when you wake up he doesn't believe it at first but he's ecstatic. there is never a time where he's not with you, talking your ear off on how horrible it was without you. and while prismo wants to contuine talking you to your grave, he can't deny hearing your voice after so long does wonders to him.

-bonus if jake's around and prismo's like "and i like...really miss her. y'know? like she's right there but she's not..." "no, dude, i get it..." "i'd kill just to hear her voice just once..." "...prismo..." "ah, shit now i'm hallucinating!!" "no prismo, behind you." "jake, don't play into my delusions!" "god dammit prismo." "YOU'RE AWAKE!? FINALLY."

scarab.

-this man is already insane. he already needs therapy. the anger issues on this psychotic man are insane.

-he loses all sense of morality(that he had left) but surprisingly holds off and tends to you first. by sending you back to headquarters for someone to tend to your injuries while scarab spends the next few hours tearing their molecules apart.

-honestly the worst out everyone. like, if he has a chance to off someone, they're going to die but in the most unconventional, painful, most gruesome way possible. he's....coping?

-at this point it's hard to tell with him, one moment he's rambling under his breath about annoyances, the next....he's offically lost it!!

-sadly he can't be at you're side at all times even if he really wants to, but with his job and all that. when given any chance he's right there next to you. he excuses this behavior as protecting you against anyone who might try anything, but in reality: it's just hard to stay away when you're like this. he wants to stay close even if he can't sometimes.

-scarab has difficulties with intimacy, so he finds it difficult to express his concern the "right" way. others see him as uneffected, and taking it too easy, but he is genuinely scared. he's scared that he loses the one person who can see him for what he is. an emotionally fucked up person who can't stand rule breakers.(joking).

-he finds holding your hand a way to ease the tension.

-when you wake up, he just sitting there, holding your hand.

-he's never letting you go anywhere without a weapon three times your size. of course he teaches you how to use it, but just because he wants you to protect yourself when he cannot. scarab views your injuries as him failing as a partner in more ways than one. he should've made sure you could protect yourself even when he couldn't.

-later on after your wounds have healed you're allowed with him on his missions. he denies being scared. reassure him anyways, he really needs it.

e/n: sorry prismo's and scarab's are short! first time writing them :')

[caligvlasaqvarivm]

Just read your eridan essay. I left a lot of words in the tags (sorry about that btw. I'm @kitkat-not-karkat, those were my tags) and I just. Holy fucking shit man.

THANK YOU FOR PUTTING IT INTO WORDS. Like. Genuinely. Thank you.

That said, do you have any ideas on why Eridan might specifically flirt as a sort of default response sometimes? (I really hope I'm not misremembering that, the fandom bastardizes the poor guy to be Cronus 2.0-)

I have my own personal speculation here, but I'd love to see your take on it!

I think it's a few things all working in tandem, and I think you definitely nailed at least most of it! I do agree that a huge part of his fixation on romance is the fact that a romantic partner is "supposed" to stick around, and Eridan is simply desperate for attention and friendship.

There are a lot of people who idealize relationships and believe that they're the "fix" or "solution" to their emotional problems, and Eridan's obsession with blackrom in particular (where the caligulas part of his trolltag comes from) definitely has shades of that. A kismesistude is an outlet for violent urges, as well as a romantic interest who ideally doesn't ghost you or leave you alone (cough Vriska cough), and one of the two concupiscent quadrants that needs to be filled so you don't get culled.

An interesting thing is constantly being implied within the comic, which is that moirallegiance is actually kind of the most important quadrant for trolls, but their culture has de-emphasized it in favor of the two breeding-related quads. After all, since adult trolls don't have to raise their own young, what Karkat calls "mating fondness" is biologically much less imperative to their species compared to the quadrant that keeps volatile trolls from going berserk and killing people.

Moirallegiance is always treated with a sort of mysticism - it's called "magical" by the narration in relation to Kanaya and Vriska's moirallegiance while that's still extant, it's the only quadrant described as "soul mates," and in contrast to "mating fondness," Karkat mentions the "mystical forces governing moirallegiance." Moirails - Equius and Nepeta being confirmed, but I genuinely believe that that's what Feferi and Sollux would have resolved to in that hypothetical golden ending - are also the quad that spends the most time together, rather than the two concupiscents. The initial description of the pale quadrant even outright says that the attraction is "instinctive." There's something magical and destiny-laden in a moirallegiance that just isn't there to the same extent in the other three quads.

But in Alternian society, kindness, guilt, and the other kinds of things you'd share with a moirail are considered weakness, especially for highbloods. When Feferi is breaking up with him, Eridan flips out the hardest at the implication that she felt the need to take care of him, insisting that he was perfectly fine. I think this is the reason, in addition to the painful breakup, that Eridan never pursues pale relationships, even though a moirail is what he desperately needs. Instead, he pursues the much more societally acceptible pitch quadrant, which can serve a similar purpose of discharging some of his pent-up aggression.

Moreover, his flirting isn't nearly as relentless as people think it is, although he IS both really stubborn AND really socially inept, which makes it difficult both to get a "no" through his brain, AND to make it stick. Another part of it is that he's operating at very little self-awareness, which means he'll often be doing something without consciously realizing it. Also, he's desperate as hell, and has basically no ability to differentiate good and bad attention. This leads to a pretty messy cocktail that basically means:

He'll hit on anyone at least once (desperation), with the exception of people it would be really weird to hit on, for example, their dancestors, who are way older than them.

If a rejection is not made excruciatingly clear, he probably won't register it as a rejection (dumbassery).

Nearly any attention he gets might be misinterpreted as flirting, even after a rejection is made (desperation, also, can't differentiate between good and bad attention).

Even after a rejection is made and he logically understands it and outright says he respects it, he might still act in a flirtatious way unconsciously (zero self awareness).

Because he will hit on anyone at least once, and is constantly making things weird and leaping to "romance?" even when there's no flirtatious intent, people kind of assume he's always hitting on them, even when he isn't.

His emotions always running at a fever pitch, and the lack of self-awareness he cultivates in order to help deal with his horrible cognitive dissonance, mean that even HE'S not sure about his real feelings. He's always feeling SOMETHING very, very intensely (it's the trauma and anxiety), which he mistakes for true caliginous hatred, or fevered flushed intent. Unlike Cronus, who's basically just trying to get some action, Eridan genuinely feels something for people, and his extreme lack of emotional intelligence means he has no idea how to parse his own tempestuous emotions. He always leaps to feverish concupiscent attraction because that's just how intense his emotions run at any given moment.

#4 is happening to Feferi and Sollux, IMO, while Rose never properly rejected him, so he still thinks they have a chance, and the same happened with Vriska when she started ghosting him post-kismesistude. #5 can be seen in his last memo with Karkat, where Karkat starts to wonder if past!Eridan was redflirting with him by inviting him to LOWAA, even as Eridan himself has no idea what the fuck Karkat is talking about.

Thing is, he DOES actually accept rejections once he gets them through his thick skull, which sets him apart from Cronus, who gets rejected, knows it, and keeps going. It's just... Eridan's messy. His emotions are all over the place, and too big for his stupid body, so he's always making things weird and intense.

I blame his lusus, personally. In a previous post, I talk about how a huge factor in his inability to identify negative attention is because he's basically being emotionally neglected. This has also led to his desperation for attention in general. When combined with the trauma from all the murdering and the pressure society puts on him to fit into a certain mold, it leads to some pretty explosive emotional ourbursts, of which his intense, insistent, and downright uncomfortable flirting is a major facet, but also, only a facet.

[autistichalsin]

So through my fics, most of you guys already know about my Dark Urge Kiaran and his personality and story. At the start of his journey, he is more upset about the fact that his murders happen when he isn't able to choose them, and it's only Halsin that shows him he can be better- and makes him want to be better.

On the other hand, my Astarionmancer Tav, Taviana, is very much the sunshine type. She doesn't quite do for Astarion what Halsin does for Kiaran; she doesn't act as this transformative force. Instead, she is a catalyst. She is the element Astarion needs to undergo the changes he was always capable of; she just gives him support while he figures it out. She does try, for her part, because she is a very sweet person who hates to even use Vicious Mockery because it feels too mean (which leads to a lot of jokes about her making the best zingers despite this, like it's her only outlet), so Astarion being almost as murder-happy as Kiaran doesn't go over well with her, obviously. But when she does try to push back, she can see every time that Astarion isn't happy to hear it.

So instead, she talks to Halsin, after she realizes fairly early on that she has feelings for him. Halsin hasn't recognized his own feelings for Kiaran consciously yet, by this point, but he is still able to give her advice for managing a relationship with someone so different from herself. It's about what Tav had guessed, but she needed to hear it from an old, wise Druid, and it helps her to improve her relationship with Astarion. She doesn't blindly tell him what he wants to hear, but she is better able to understand his perspectives on things.

My favorite part of writing these two romances, though, is that if one looked at the four and tried to guess which ones were together, they would say that objectively, Halsin/Tav and Astarion/Kiaran would be a better fit for each other. And on the surface, they would be right. Astarion understands exactly what it's like to be a slave to far more powerful being, and Kiaran understands what it's like to fear oneself. Tav knows what it's like to suffer no good deed going unpunished, and Halsin knows what it's like to have kindness mistaken for weakness.

But Tav is the only one who can make Astarion have a peaceful sleep/reverie by quietly playing her violin, and Astarion is- after Tav refuses to let Araj make Astarion bite her- able to see what an incredible thing kindness is, that it takes strength to be kind (even if he does sometimes get angry at her for making choices that could make them vulnerable for the sake of strangers.) Halsin is the only one who truly understands that Kiaran's affliction is even more than a vampire's hunger or bloodlust or making bad choices, but also that Kiaran wants to rise above them, and Kiaran is the only one who can see that Halsin's bear side, protective as it is, comes with violent instincts too, which Halsin struggles with similar to Kiaran's Urge.

On paper, the pairs that are more similar would be judged as a better fit, but in practice, it takes those radically different personalities to help each other grow and bring the balance Halsin cherishes so much.

[suneeater]

satan + general romantic hcs

✎a/n: please i've been having obey me brainrot again but anything i type out feels so odd since i haven't written in a while... anyway enjoy my satan hcs <3

✰warnings: none, but as always minors dni 

Satan is a hopeless romantic.

He gets all of his relationship information from romance novels, but he tries so hard to be the perfect partner for you. He wants you to know that he is and will always be there for you, even when it's simple things like holding a door open for you.

This is the first time he’s felt anything other than anger, so feelings are still a complicated topic for him. Just be patient with him while he learns about them. But he likes it. He likes the warm feeling your love gives him. It's so different from his fiery and destructive anger - the love he feels for you is warm and comforting.

And because he's so inexperienced and a hopeless romantic, his first attempts at a confession are pretty subtle. He recommends you a romance novel and hints that the protagonists remind him of the two of you. After understanding that might be TOO vague, he gives you a written confession and a bouquet of your favourite flowers.

He writes you letters! Any gift you receive from him always includes a letter, written on fancy paper with his elegant handwriting.

He has a journal (a diary) that he uses as an outlet to help manage his anger. He vents in it or or just writes about his day. The more his interest in you grows, more often the pages in his journal aren't aggressively scribbled in but written in with care, all about how kind and caring you are.

Dates with Satan are usually library, museum, gallery or café dates. He really likes learning new things, and he especially likes doing it alongside with you.

Dating Satan will include a lot of cats. Cat cafes. Cat merch. Cat documentaries. Prepare yourself. ᨐฅ

He doesn't really like PDA. He prefers the privacy of his room, but will make a point to wrap his arm around your waist when Lucifer is around.

Speaking of, while he isn't usually jealous of others (his brothers are definitely NOT a threat and he trusts you), he will act very possessive around Lucifer. When it comes to him, he's still quite insecure sometimes. All you can do is reassure him that they are completely different, and that he is the one you're in love with, not Lucifer.

He always wants you to be on his side when he competes with others and likes it when you cheer for him and him only, even if it's a stupid competition (as they usually are in the House of Lamentation). The brothers are competing in who can make the stupidest nickname? You're cheering for him. Water-boiling competition? Cheering for him. Don't worry though, you get your reward for the cheering when the two of you return to his room.

He’s very very warm – he’s perfect for cuddling in cold Devildom nights.

find the same scenario for:

mammon | beelzebub | lucifer | simeon | solomon

[eupheme]

MOVIE/TV - 2023 FIC RECS

this year has been filled with so many beautiful fics, I wanted to make a rec list to share & support everything I read. please check these out and support these creators, they are all incredible! 💖✨

ALFRED PENNYWORTH X F!READER

— Dance With Me by @tarrenterror25

You and Alfred move things to a more private area.

— On Display by @viceofdionysus

When Alfred finds you getting carried away on a video call, he asks you to put on a show for him.

— The Gentleman by @stargirlfics

Two chance encounters turn into something quite unexpected the longer you spend around a certain Englishman

— Thoughts No One Asked For But My Mind Had No Mouth And Must Scream by @/tarrenterror

Alfred Pennyworth x Vampire!F!Reader

— When the Night is Over by @/tarrenterror

After the flood, Dulce looks to do her part to help Gotham heal and hopes to bring change to the city.

— When We Met, I Felt My Life Begin by @/tarrenterror

You and Alfred are both trying to organize a special Valentine’s day for each other, but nothing seems to be going quite right! Luckily, young master Bruce is around to help you two get everything in order!

BRUCE WAYNE X F!READER

— Iron by @/stargirlfics

 Battinson + pussy eating

BUCKY BARNES X F!READER

— Anamnesis by @fluffyprettykitty

Transforming to a werewolf for what seems to be the first time with a familiar yet strange man by your side.

CAPRICORN X F!READER

— Take Me Home by @/tarrenterror

You are the second eldest daughter to the Adderhead and not yet married off by some miracle. This leaves room for a budding romance with a certain fire-raiser. The two of you must keep it secret lest your tyrant of a father find out.

DAVID ROBEY X F!READER

— The Devil Makes Us Sin by @tarabyte3

Your life isn't perfect, and you don't enjoy moonlighting as a camgirl for so many repulsive men, but you need the money and at least it's yours. You're getting by just fine. You're content. At least you thought you were. Then you get a strange text message. And you aren't sure if you're horrified or intrigued.

DRUIG X F!READER

— Calling by @redheadspark

You and Druig were meant to be together, and Druig gives you a place to call home because of that.

FRANK CASTLE X F!READER

— Saturday by @/fluffyprettykitty

Instantiable night session with Frank.

JAVI G X GN! READER

— Creation of the Heart by @0celesteisthebest0

Javi comforting you with bouts of insecurity

JAVIER PEÑA X F!READER

— Little Black Dress by @inklore

“you know how good you look in this dress? can’t fuckin’ concentrate on anything but bending you over and ruining it with my come.“ or the one where javi fingers you against a desk at a work conference.

JIM HOPPER X F!READER

— Heatwave by @/viceofdionysus

When Hawkins loses power during a heatwave, Jim does the neighborly thing and invites the pretty librarian out to his cabin on a private lake. But as they try to cool down, things only seem to heat up between them.

MARCUS MORENO X F!READER

— The Dinner by @frannyzooey

Missy invites you home for the weekend, unaware that you’ve actually been sleeping with her father since the semester started.

MATT MURDOCK X F!READER

— Cadence by @she-likesorchids

You're a barista living in New York, but you create erotic audios and sell subscriptions to make extra money. Matt has found a new outlet for his sexual frustration, and it's your voice. What happens when a chance meeting at your coffee shop threatens to blow both of your covers?

OBERYN MARTELL X F!READER

— Breath of Life by @/moonlight-prose

punctured by the arrow of cupid, oberyn is suddenly infatuated with you. you…the very breath in his lungs, the clouds in his sky, the reason the sun shone down on his home. he was in love and yet you couldn’t have felt more different.

PERO TOVAR X F!READER

— Menuet by @psychedelic-ink

you decide to take a swim in a lake that is deep in the middle of the forest. during your swim, pero finds you, and he’s not happy that you went out alone during a full moon.

PETER PARKER X F!READER

— Approach Shift by @psithurista

Peter Parker is a weirdo. A hot, distracting, irritating weirdo. And you can’t afford distractions right now. So there’s only one thing to do.

— Dial Tones by @spiderispunk

Peter gets a much-needed distraction after studying all night.

— Fragments of Tomorrow by @/psychedelic-ink

After a massive ecological disaster, the world is overrun by mutated flora and fauna, along with infected humans that sprout vines and flowers. Nature itself has turned against humanity, and you thought Peter would be by your side. That Spider-Man would protect you and those close to you—you never thought you’d be wrong in both aspects. But now he’s back, and you don’t know how to react.

SANTA (HARBOUR) CLAUS X F!READER

— All is Bright by @lavenderursa

Your husband has a rather bad yet exciting day at work which leads to an unexpected reunion and a much needed reminder of the Christmas spirit.

—Joyful Night by @cinewhore

You comfort your husband after his Christmas night run. 

SER BARRISTAN SELMY X F!READER

— Sometimes, Love is not Enough. by @sermormonts

Your knight of the Kingsguard: sworn to celibacy since he took the whitecloak at age three and twenty, bursting to prove all he knows of passion: not from song or script writ in stained pages, but from the glassy, heady ache you’ve etched into his chest—a heart kept dormant for decades.

STEPHEN GRANT X F!READER

— Love's Train by @moonlight-prose

a box of chocolates, a bottle of wine, and the floor.

— To Be Loved by @/moonlight-prose

“you didn’t intend to give up your heart - believing that you could remain one person without severing yourself in two.”

ULYSSES KLAUE X F!READER

— Bringin' Home the Rain by @the-eyes-of-andyserkis

You're no stranger to taking risks, in fact you prefer the unknown, however when you happen to cross paths with a certain black market arms dealer you find it uncharacteristically difficult to find your balance. (aka "Of all the gin joints in all the towns in all the world, he walks into mine.")

— Danger Starts the Sharp Incline by @citrus-moonlight

At your scientific organization the study of demon energy output has become no less mundane than it would at any other research facility. That is until you find yourself trapped with the demon who has recently shifted in your thoughts from an idle curiosity to a distraction.

— I Always Find My Way Back To You by @/tarrenterror

You can always count on Ulysses to return to you, but lately you find yourself wanting more. The new dangers in the world don't make the life of an arms dealer any easier and any day could be his last. Running away and living off the grid with the man you love is the dream. Does he share your feelings and can he be convinced to live a life with you?

— Please Hold… by @/tarrenterror

Klaue is not opposed to mixing business with pleasure.

— Salvation is a Deep Dark Well by @/citrus-moonlight

Memories and fresh desires are intertwined now and you think you might go mad from the waiting, but all you can do is try to keep yourself busy as you count down to Klaue’s return.

— Think I Need a Devil to Help Me Get Things Right by @/the-eyes-of-andy-serkis

After a particularly rough flight you’re suddenly having anxiety for the first time in all of your years in the air, buyou end up finding help in an unexpected place when an enigmatic passenger offers you a distraction.

— Woven by @/citrus-moonlight

As winter begins to settle in, the darkening days are unexpected brightened when you end up with the chance to spend a little more time with Ulysses Klaue.

if you haven’t read these, you need to! and please support these amazing fics & writers by reading, reblogging & commenting! 💕

[makeitmingi]

Cause Baby You're My Muse [Chapter 54]

Genre: Romance, Idol!AU, Music, Slight angst

Pairing: Mingi x Reader (y/n)

Characters: Producer!Reader, IdolLyricist!Mingi, IdolProducer!Hongjoong, Idol!Seonghwa, Idol!Yunho, Idol!Wooyoung, Idol!San, Idol!Yeosang, Idol!Jongho, cameo(s) by other celebrities

Summary: You always preferred producing underground, having an unknown face and governed by your own rules. But when you start freelancing for idol groups, you say goodbye to your lone wolf lifestyle as you learn to work with idol producers and lyricists.

Word count: 3.3K

The fans noticed. Of course they noticed, they were so observant and focused on their 8 idols that they would know when something was wrong in a heartbeat. The way their smiles didn't reach their eyes, the way they kept their playfulness to a minimum when on stage and the way they would go quiet for a few seconds.

The way Mingi would space out and need Yunho to bring him back down to earth. The managers tried to motivate them but it was useless. Even Hongjoong was different.

They hardly saw him around the dorm, except for when they had schedules together. He was cooped up in his studio outside of KQ.

He didn't even want to use the open room that used to be your studio. He'd much rather use the external one.

Sure, they weren't actually in a relationship with you like Mingi was. But they all felt the stab to their chest, the betrayal and hurt when Mingi told them what happened.

They had never seen Yunho that upset. But it was hard to watch when your best friend comes in, absolutely broken and unconsolable.

'What happened to Ateez? The recent change in demeanour has caused fans to worry and speculate!'

'Is KQ overworking their idols?'

'ATINYs are calling for change, give the idols a break!'

'Is this how your idols change after a few first place trophies? Some ATINYs are disappointed at the change in attitude from the boys. Some citing that they feel the boys are different after they had a very successful comeback season.'

Of course news outlets were having the time of their lives, jumping at every opportunity that they could. But Ateez didn't care, they've been mistreated before, this isn't new to them.

"Alright, everyone. We will be meeting CEO Kim today. So please, try to look alive." The managers begged.

"Yes, hyung." The boys said, breaking up to go get ready. Instead of going to get ready, Yunho entered his best friend's room.

"Mingi ah. We need to get ready. CEO Kim will be meeting us." Yunho shook his best friend.

Mingi... was broken. He tried to act tough, he tried to act like he didn't care, that he was better off without you. But that only last for a few days. Now, he's cooped up in his room, wallowing.

What makes thing worse is that his anxiety was back and the attacks manifested as nightmares now.

"Come on." Yunho was patient, helping Mingi out as much as he could. Mingi sat up, his eyes void of any emotions. Now, it was like he was a ghost, just moving through the motion. But in all honesty, he was just exhausted. Crying his heart out was one thing but every time he closed his eyes, he would see you.

It hurt.

"Yeah." Mingi waved his best friend off, standing up and shuffling out to the bathroom to get ready. He didn't bother looking at his reflection, knowing it would be horrendous.

"Mingi hyung." Jongho stopped the older when he emerged from the bathroom. Mingi lifted his head to look at the youngest.

"I... Nevermind... Here." Jongho handed the taller a mug of iced americano that he brewed.

"Thanks." Mingi didn't press Jongho to spit out whatever he had to say, which would be what he usually did. He took the mug of coffee and brought it to his room.

"Oh, hyung..." Jongho sighed, thinking back to what happened last night.

"So how has your new school been, little bear?" Jongho asked, looking at her through the screen. Wooyoung was at the dance studio having late practice while Yeosang was with San at the gym. That left Jongho to have his usual call with Haneul alone.

"It's okay! I'm having fun but I am still trying to make friends. Everyone else already has a best friend." She pouted. That made Jongho coo at her.

"Well, I am sure when the other kids know how amazing you are, they'll ALL want to be your best friend." He chuckled.

"Really?! You think so?!" She brightened up.

"I know so." He replied. He didn't know what about Haneul just made him melt into a puddle.

"I miss you, bear oppa. I miss the other oppas too..." She said sadly. Jongho didn't say anything, he wasn't really sure what to say. But he felt like there was something else she wanted to add.

"Go on, little bear. You can tell me." He encouraged.

"I can't say I miss you. When I talk about you or the other oppas, unnie gets... very sad. So I can't tell her I miss you. Because I think she misses the oppas too. Some times, I see unnie crying or looking at pictures." Haneul said sadly. Jongho sighed softly, Haneul was just that observant and smart for that age.

"That's nice of you, little bear. You know, thinking about how your unnie feels. But you can tell her you miss us. It's okay to share how you feel with her." Jongho told her.

"I don't want unnie to be sad. I don't want her to cry. When she sleeps next to me, she's always saying she's sorry." Haneul said.

"Oh, little bear, I'm sorry. It must hurt you."

"No... I just want to make unnie happy. I don't want her to be sad anymore." She said sadly.

Jongho was conflicted. He knew the only way to make you happy was to bring you back here, to be with Ateez and specifically Mingi. That was the only way for everyone to be happy again.

"I'll speak to you soon, little bear. Cheer up. Everything will be alright." Jongho assured with a small smile.

"Really?" She asked.

"I'm sure it will be." Jongho melted. With a small wave, Haneul hung up. Jongho sighed and removed the Airpods from his ears. He jumped when he saw someone standing at his doorway. He was so engrossed in his conversation that he didn't hear anyone come in.

"H-Hyung." Jongho stuttered.

"Was that Indigo?" Seonghwa asked softly, closing the door behind him. Saying your name was like the new taboo of the dorm.

"No. Haneul..." Jongho replied. He began to tell the oldest how you requested for him to maintain some sort of relationship with Haneul, which he was more than happy to oblige with.

"Did you have a chance to speak to her?" Seonghwa sat on the edge of the bed, not wanting others to overhear.

"No. She only says hi then passes the phone to Haneul." The youngest shook his head.

"Hyung, I think we should tell them. Make the CEO launch that investigation. Even if it doesn't bring Indigo back... I just hate that we're acting like it's her fault." Jongho said sadly.

"I understand. Indigo is the victim in all this, she's not at fault at all. It's because of us that she's being targeted in the first place, receiving all those death threats. And she didn't have to but she left and would rather take all the hate and blame from the others instead." Seonghwa sighed.

"But we told Indigo that we wouldn't tell them. At least, not yet. I'm worried Mingi might lose it and I don't know how much more he can take." He added.

"But this isn't right, hyung. I don't like that Indigo is being seen as the bad guy." Jongho frowned.

"It's really taking a toll on her as well. Haneul tells me she's not doing well over there and the little girl is worried." He shook his head.

Now Seonghwa knew why Jongho wanted to tell the others to truth. It wasn't a secret that Jongho cared for Haneul dearly, their relationship was like what you and Hongjoong had.

"Knowing the truth... might help Hongjoong hyung too..." Jongho spoke. Seonghwa nodded in agreement.

"No, no. We need to wait for a bit. Let's wait until we can contact Indigo. If we tell everyone, they may all just rush to contact her and that may overwhelm her. Or I'm worried Mingi or Wooyoung fly to where she is." Seonghwa reasoned.

"Oh, hyung. You're here." A tired Wooyoung trudged in, surprised to see the oldest there with the maknae. Seonghwa nodded and got up with a tight smile on his face.

"Good work, Wooyoungie." Seonghwa patted the male on the shoulder. Wooyoung gave a small smile.

'We'll talk about this again. - Seonghwa hyung'

Jongho looked at the text that came in from Seonghwa after he had left the room. He let out a huff of frustration, making Wooyoung give him an odd look.

"Yah, you're bending the spoon." San said, making Jongho snap out of his thoughts. He looked down to see the bent spoon in his hands.

"Oh, sorry." Jongho tried to bend the spoon back to straighten the handle. In the end, he tossed the spoon in the sink and went to the room to change into presentable clothes. This sudden meeting with the CEO was an unexpected spanner thrown in. As the boys gathered, Seonghwa cast Jongho a look.

"Hongjoong's already at the studio so he'll meet us there." The manager said as he ushered everyone downstairs and into their two respective vans.

The van ride was mostly silent, well, Seonghwa's van was. Mingi had his headphones on, looking out the window. Jongho was stewing and Yunho just kept giving Mingi worried glances.

"Let's go." The managers led all of them upstairs. They bumped into Hongjoong.

"I brought you fresh clothes to change." Yeosang handed Hongjoong the paper bag with clothes.

"Thanks." Hongjoong smiled tiredly and went to the bathroom to change. Hongjoong was... taking it a lot harder than Seonghwa expected. Maybe because Hongjoong found himself genuinely caring for you and he felt abandoned.

Only Hongjoong, himself, would know how he feels. But the way he was living now was definitely not healthy. Seonghwa needed to help him keep everyone together.

"Ah, boys. Come in." CEO Kim said, waving for everyone to come into the meeting room.

"Good afternoon, CEO." The 8 boys bowed.

"Sit, sit." The CEO let out a long exhale as he gestured for the 8 to take their seats. They moved to the opposite side of the table so they could sit across him.

"Now, I'm not sure if you have an idea as to why I called you all in. But it is regarding how Ateez has been since Producer Indigo's departure." The CEO leaned forward on his hands.

"We're very sorry, sir. I promise we are more professional than this. We should know better than to let our emotions affect our performance like this. We'll be better and I'll make sure that the boys are better, I promise you." Hongjoong stood up, bowing deeply to the CEO as he apologised.

"I've been talking to the teams. And with comeback season more or less over, we'll be putting you guys on vacation." The CEO said.

"What?" The boys were puzzled.

"You're bound to have a vacation anyway. We're just pushing it forward now. Fans are worried that we're overworking you and that's not a good look for the company." He frowned.

"We understand, sir. We apologise for that, it wasn't out intention to give off that sort of impression." Seonghwa said.

"Whether it was intentional or not, it's what the fans speculate. The fans are disappointed by your lack of commitment to this comeback, I am too." He sighed.

"Use the vacation to pick yourselves up. You're idols. Whatever is going on off stage, you do not let that affect your performance on stage. Especially in front of the fans. Everything you do is under public scrutiny. You should know that." CEO Kim chided.

"Yes, we know." The boys said.

"This was also the best decision because we cannot afford to put just Mingi on another break. It is not a good look for you as a group and for Mingi as an idol." CEO Kim turned to the rapper.

"I'm very sorry for causing all this trouble, CEO. I'll be better for the group and the fans." Mingi bowed.

"You better." CEO Kim said seriously and Mingi nodded his head.

"Look, boys. I know you were all very close and Indigo leaving was rather abrupt. Mingi, I know break ups are hard. But all this, they're part and parcel of life." He sighed.

"Sir, I-" Not only Mingi but the others were stunned by what their CEO just said.

"You didn't think I would know about your relationship? Indigo came to tell me herself. She offered to take all the blame and scolding for it if anything bad were to happen." He revealed.

"What do you mean, if anything bad were to happen?" Mingi frowned in confusion.

"That's all I have to say. You're welcomed to go home during your vacation or travel overseas, same protocol applies in terms of declaring your travels for safety reasons. I hope to see you all back to normal after the vacation." CEO Kim stood up from the table. The 8 followed suit and stood up to bow to him.

"Thank you, sir. We're sorry." They bowed.

"If only things were different, Indigo wouldn't have had to leave." Mingi's eyes widened at the last comment made by his CEO before he walked out of the room.

Yunho looked at his best friend that was frozen in his spot, knowing that his head was racing with thoughts at the CEO's words.

"Alright, let's all head back to the dorm. I think we need to talk." Hongjoong said.

"Yes, captain." All of them filed out of the meeting room. It seemed like the managers already knew what happened as they quietly ushered the boys back to the vans and drove them home.

"What do you think he meant, Yunho?" Mingi croaked out.

"I'm... not sure. But don't think too much about it, Mingi ah." Yunho squeezed his best friend on the shoulder. Mingi nodded glumly and climbed into the van with Yunho behind him. Jongho was chewing on his lip, casting Seonghwa an uneasy look.

'No'. Seonghwa mouthed and shook his head. Luckily Yunho and Mingi were having their own hushed conversation in the back to notice the oldest and youngest up front.

The guilt was settling in Mingi even more. He has let the group down once again, as well as ATINY and CEO Kim.

But he was still holding onto a thread of hope. That this was all a nightmare, that he didn't have to force himself to hate you for what you did.

"Ateez, sit down in the living room." Hongjoong said the moment all 8 of them were back in the dorm.

"Thanks hyungs, I'll take over from here." He turned to the managers, who nodded and patted the captain on the shoulder before leaving. Hongjoong let out a long sigh and went to the living room.

"I'm sorry I have been letting my emotions get the best of me. I didn't really expect her departure to make me shut myself down... to the point whereby I've been neglecting my duties as the captain to all of you and to the fans." Hongjoong started and bowed his head in apology to the 7.

"Hyung... There's nothing for you to apologise for." Wooyoung whispered softly, tears welling up in his eyes.

"Mr CEO was right. Let's use this vacation to rest and get back to where we were. We have to do it for ATINY." Yunho said. The others nodded in agreement.

"Indigo was someone we all treated as family, some more than others. But if she can move on, so can we." San said, looking at Mingi.

"Whatever happened between me and her, I shouldn't have let it affect the rest of you. You've all already dealt with a lot on my behalf." Mingi shook his head. Yunho rubbed his back as a form of comfort.

"People will come and go. But we'll be okay." Yeosang smiled softly and Hongjoong covered his eyes to weep.

"It's okay." Seonghwa comforted him as he cried.

"Even if we knew that there was no certainty that Indigo was going to stay, she shouldn't have done that to Mingi. It wasn't right, it was unfair and selfish. We were not there to know what really happened but look how torn up Mingi is." Wooyoung frowned.

"I agree. There was no need to be harsh about it." Yunho added, obviously siding with his best friend.

"I think that's what's hurting us the most. That we expected more or put more faith in our relationship with her. And that led us to the disappointment we felt." Hongjoong concluded.

There was a heaviness in Mingi's chest. He was grateful for his members being protective of him and siding with him. But hearing them speak negatively of you still made him uncomfortable and hurt.

"Damn it." Jongho cursed under his breath, looking away with a bitter look on his face.

"Jongho?" The 7 turned to the youngest of the group.

Even if Jongho wasn't the closest to you, you still supported him and he knew what you went through. You didn't deserve to be thought of as such.

"Sorry." He mumbled and stood up, walking to the bedroom and shutting the door. Seonghwa stood up and went after Jongho, entering the room and closing the door. The others just left them alone, let the oldest one speak to the youngest to offer him comfort. The other 6 just sat there.

"W-What do you think the CEO meant in his last statement?" Mingi suddenly brought up.

"What do you mean?" San asked.

"He said 'If only things were different, Indigo wouldn't have had to leave'. What did he mean by 'if only things were different'?" Mingi asked. The others looked at each other, shrugging.

"D-Do you think something happened?" This was Mingi leaning on his last thread of hope.

"I don't know what he meant by that. But don't harp on it too much, Mingi ah. It's easier to let go than to hold on to silver linings."

"Hongjoong hyung is right." Yunho said. Mingi nodded glumly, his head hanging low.

Unbeknownst to Seonghwa and Jongho, Wooyoung had been listening in to their conversation. He wondered why Jongho suddenly had that little outburst earlier, considering the youngest hasn't been showing much of a reaction to you leaving.

"We have to tell them the truth, hyung. This is wrong. Like Hongjoong hyung, you were her older brother. Would you not want to defend her?" Jongho asked in frustration.

"Of course I would. You think I want to sit there and listen to that? But we promised Indigo." Seonghwa replied.

"Sometimes, you need to break promises, hyung." Jongho said.

"We've already failed to protect her before, Jongho. The least we can do is to keep this promise. We tell them the truth then what? Can you stop Mingi from going after her?" Seonghwa asked.

"Will you be able to stop Mingi from blaming himself? Or the others like Hongjoong, Wooyoung?" He continued.

"Indigo isn't going to come back. Why do you think she made such as effort to make Mingi hate her?"

"But this is wrong, hyung. If the other hyungs know the truth, they wouldn't speak so ill of her, like she's the one that did all the wrong. When she's the victim in all this. If they knew, maybe they'll push the CEO to launch the internal investigation then Indigo can come back." Jongho reasoned.

"Whoever this person is, we can't let them get away with it. Indigo is gone but does that mean the investigation isn't to happen? We act like it didn't happen and carry on?"

"I... I don't know. But what I'm saying is, we think it over and don't act rashly." Seonghwa sighed.

"Tell us the truth about what?" Wooyoung opened the door, getting the attention of the 2 in the bedroom and the 5 in the living room.

~

Series Masterlist

[stikybug]

This is extremely self-indulgent but i'm dumping all of my alexithymic!mc headcanons on the main tag , because her actions and what the characters say about her would be extremely funny considering all of this .

Spoilers for godheim main story under the cut!

MC has had trouble identifying many of her emotions since a young age, she never talked about it to anybody and learned to mask it very well. Her reactions are almost automatic, like they're actually hers.

The first time she really 'felt' the way others did was with the death of her mother. Sorrow, it felt so strong and unfamiliar to her. She had to find an outlet of some kind.

Art was the only time her emotions weren't muddled, but it could be because that itself was an abstraction of her thoughts. She didn't need to particularly parse through them and have many 'what ifs'.

Fast forward to the main story. Meeting the love interests elicits more than just a blunt emotional response. But it can't be called 'affection' just yet.

Godheim.

Mc feels guilty. She wants to return what seems to be some sort of budding affection for Alkaid, but she feels it doesn't last.

She doesn't realise little actions she does REFLECTS that. 'I'm caring for him while he's sick because I feel the strong urge to see him get better. No this isn't romance what are you talking about isn't this normal to feel?'

She feels it doesn't count because it seems to ebb and fade. She has the knawing feeling of wanting to be 'normal' for him. She wants to be better. She can't see the clear worry on her face, she can't see how she almost cries some times for 'unknown' reasons because she misses him.

It's oh so ever worse with Ayn. She would give her life over to him and what he cherishes in a heartbeat. But she feels so awkward when people refer to her as his girlfriend.

She doesn't love him back, probably. It's just an undying loyalty and understanding for him. It's a duty that she wants to fulfill. ( Why she wants to do it is completely lost on her. )

She thinks she's faking her care, for him, for the residents of the rat cave. It just doesn't line up with what she sees herself as. Despite this, she still almost forcefully wills him not to die. Not on her watch. She couldn't stand the thought of seeing him go.

By the time of Lars' route, she opens up to the idea of being closer to him. It was supposed to be an agreement-contract sort of relationship. But going slowly from 'alliance' to sympathy, devotion, and finally; what seems to be inklings of love she cannot do anything about but recognise. Nobody would risk their lives for an agreement alone.

Caring this much felt awful though, too many lives she swore she could have saved... If she was just a bit stronger, if she just reacted quicker. Maybe nobody would have to lose anything. All she could give was an attempt to comfort Lars during this time.

And while she went through the motions, she wondered... Maybe staying here would be alright? Maybe she could be his bride, or at the very least die beside him.

It was actually a laughable idea to her if you said she would feel something for Archmage Clarence. Anything other than annoyance or mild sympathy would be hard to elicit.

Him? The person who keeps picking fights with her? The person who insists on locking her up? That despite all her warnings decides that killing her is the best option? That Archmage Clarence?

She's interested in him when she spends more time in the Magi tower, unfortunately. He has his own motivations, he has someone he cares for.

She feels an unexplainable sadness at the true end of the magi. If it could happen to that little girl, how many more then would still meet that fate?

When she's actually faced with it in the end, she wants to start crying there. She can't, she can't cry in front of the man that only wants to see her live happily in the end.

The feeling persists, the memory of his is engraved in her mind forever.

Now Cael is an interesting case. She's not sure whether or not he could see right through her.

After everything in godheim, looking at him almost feels disconcerting. They share the same eyes, she never knew why she couldn't recognise that look in his eyes sooner.

Apathy. A cold heart. One that can't care or truly love anybody else.

Well, that's his words, not hers. But she can't bring herself to believe that. There's something like affection in the way he treats her, there's the warmth of blood so similar to everybody else.

So she says that, because she sincerely believes he's more than he thinks he is.

She still hesitates to call him, because one day he might tell her the same thing, and she wouldn't be able to deal with that.

...But maybe, they could figure out what the meaning of love is one day. And then they'll realize they were holding onto it all along.

[darkstar225]

Twice's 10th member is dating Le Sserafim's Kazuha

A/N: Heyyy, I'm coming up with a lot of stuff for you guys so I can make up for the time I'm gone lol! Sry for taking so long to post :D I hope my friend Thira_Harris who gave me this idea on Wattpad likes it! :)

The request: Hi I want to request can you do where y/n is dating le sserafim kazuha and the members were a little shock( especially j-line) as they still think y/n as a kid and they saw le sserafim members babying y/n especially kazuha. They approve of kazuha after seeing her take care of y/n. Thank u

PS: Tysm for everyone who reads what I write, I hope I can bring a smile to your faces every time I post! I'd like to thank whoever sent me this idea 'cause I loved to write it <3

__________________________________________________________

Y/N had always been the baby of the group, the youngest member of TWICE by a significant amount. Even though she had grown up in the public eye, she still carried an air of innocence and youth that endeared her to fans and her fellow members alike. So, when news broke that she was dating Kazuha from the internationally renowned girl group LE SSERAFIM, it was met with both surprise and curiosity.

The news hit the K-pop world like a bombshell. Y/N and Kazuha's relationship had been a well-guarded secret, known only to a select few in their inner circles (Not their groups though, they were afraid to come out). But somehow, the paparazzi had caught wind of their romance, and before they knew it, the story was splashed across every entertainment news outlet in South Korea.

In the cosy living room of TWICE's dorm, the members gathered to discuss the shocking news. Nayeon, as mom number 2, had called the emergency meeting as soon as she'd heard about it.

Nayeon - So, our baby is dating Kazuha...

Nayeon spoke with a mixture of surprise and amusement as she glanced around the room, taking in the expressions of her fellow members. 

Nayeon - Who would've thought? 

Dahyun, the group's resident mood-maker (our tofu), grinned widely. 

Dahyun - I always knew our cutie pie would grow up someday! And to think she's dating someone as cool as Kazuha. That's amazing!

Jeongyeon (mom number 3) chuckled. 

Jeongyeon - It's about time she started dating. She's not a kid anymore.

But not everyone in the room shared their enthusiasm. Momo, Mina, and Sana, collectively known as the J-line, exchanged worried glances. They had always seen Y/N as their adorable little sister, even though she was only a few years younger than them. The thought of her dating someone famous and seemingly mature like Kazuha was a bit hard to digest.

Sana voiced their concerns. 

Sana - I mean, it's great that Y/N is happy and all, but isn't Kazuha, like, super sophisticated? Our angel is still so innocent. I hope she doesn't get hurt.

Mina nodded in agreement. 

Mina - Yeah, and you know how protective LE SSERAFIM's members are of Kazuha. I can't imagine what they'd do if they found out she's dating our Y/N.

Momo soon added. 

Momo - I've seen pictures of Kazuha taking care of Y/N like she's a little kid. What if she's just playing with her emotions?

Nayeon tried to ease their concerns. 

Nayeon - Come on, guys, we don't know the full story. Y/N is a smart girl, we did raise her well. She wouldn't date someone who's not good for her.

As the days went by, the news of Y/N and Kazuha's relationship continued to make headlines. Paparazzi followed them everywhere, trying to get a glimpse of the couple. But Y/N and Kazuha handled it with grace and composure, always smiling for the cameras.

One evening, the J-line decided to visit TWICE's honey in her new apartment to check up on her. They found her sitting on the couch, scrolling through her phone and wearing a contented smile.

Sana couldn't help but tease her. 

Sana - So, darling, how's it going with Kazuha? Are you two, like, madly in love or something?

Y/N blushed and nodded. 

Y/N - Yeah, unnie. We're really happy together. Kazuha is amazing, you know!

Mina looked concerned. 

Mina - But, my love, are you sure about this? She's so different from us. We're worried she might not understand you completely.

Y/N appreciated their concern but couldn't help but feel defensive. 

Y/N - She does understand me, maybe even better than you guys. She's seen a different side of me that you haven't.

Momo after some time finally asked something they really wanted to know. 

Momo - What about the rest of LE SSERAFIM? Are they okay with this? 

Y/N - They don't know yet. Kazuha and I wanted to keep it private until we were sure about us. *sighing*

Just then, there was a knock on the door, and Y/N's heart skipped a beat. She knew that special knock, it was Kazuha. She quickly got up and answered the door with a beaming smile.

Kazuha entered the apartment, her aura oozing confidence and sophistication. She looked stunning, as always, in a designer outfit. Y/N's heart swelled with pride as she introduced her to the J-line.

Y/N - Unnies, this is Kazuha. Kazuha, these are my older sisters, Sana, Mina, and Momo.

Kazuha greeted them with a polite smile and a slight bow. 

Kazuha - It's a pleasure to meet you all. Y/N has told me so much about you.

The J-line exchanged surprised glances. Kazuha's demeanour was far more refined than they had expected. Maybe she wasn't as unapproachable as they had feared.

Momo, always the boldest, decided to get to the bottom of things. 

Momo - So, Kazuha, how did you and our youngest meet?

Kazuha's eyes softened as she looked at her girl. 

Kazuha - We met at a charity event. Y/N was volunteering, and I was performing. She caught my eye, and we started talking. It just clicked from there.

Sana, still sceptical, asked another question. (interrogation mode: on)

Sana - And what do you like about Y/N?

Kazuha didn't hesitate. 

Kazuha - I love her kindness, her passion for music, and her dedication to her group and fans. She's an incredible person, and I feel lucky to have her in my life.

Mina couldn't help but smile.

Mina - Well, she's lucky to have you too, it seems.

As the evening wore on, the J-line began to see a different side of Y/N and Kazuha's relationship. They were playful with each other, sharing inside jokes and laughter. Kazuha, far from babying Y/N, treated her as an equal partner in their relationship.

Before they left, Sana spoke up. 

Sana - I have to admit, Kazuha, I was worried at first. But seeing how happy you make our dongsang, I can't help but approve.

Mina and Momo nodded in agreement. 

Mina - Yeah, you two are great together!

Kazuha smiled warmly. 

Kazuha - Thank you, unnies. I promise I'll take good care of Y/N.

With that, they said their goodbyes, leaving Y/N and Kazuha alone in the apartment. Y/N turned to Kazuha, her eyes sparkling with happiness.

Y/N - They really like you, Kazuha. I'm so glad!!

Kazuha pulled her into a gentle hug. 

Kazuha - I like them too, sweetheart. And I'm glad they see how much I care about you.

As weeks turned into months, Y/N's relationship with Kazuha continued to flourish. The J-line, initially worried about their precious little sister, now fully supported the relationship as the rest of the group met the girl and made sure that she had good intentions, finally giving their seal of approval too. The moms, especially Jihyo, had to take some time for themselves to understand that their kid had grown up and they couldn't do anything more than be there for her. They had come to realize that love had no boundaries, and Kazuha was the perfect match for their beloved maknae. And this made them all think: 

We love our dear family.

A/N: I'm sorry for any errors, English is not my first language. Pls, let me know if there's something wrong, ty for reading <3

[bardic-inspo]

Writer Interview

Playing some catch up on tags. Tagged by the wonderful @pursuitseternal, @marlowethebard, @nyx-knox, @honeybee-bard, @snowfolly,

and @paganwitchisis holy shit thank you all!!

Not sure who all in my circles has done this already, but gonna tag @wilteddreamsofbaldursgate, @astarionancuntnin, @pinkberrytea, @locallegume, @thedreamlessnights,

@ladymdc, and @carooosa if you see this and would like to do it! No worries if not!

When did you start writing?

Around 13/14 years old, doing warrior cats roleplay on proboards forums. Roleplay isn't really my speed anymore, but it eventually bridged me into more traditional narrative writing and then fanfic later. Fallout 4 was the first fandom I really wrote fanfic for.

Are there different themes or genres you enjoy reading than what you write?

I really love intricate long-running plots with slow-burn pay off, and used to write more in that vein, but got pretty burnt out on it. It felt like it would take so long to get to those big moments I pictured the whole time, by the time I arrived to them, they felt played out in my head. Trying to strike a happy medium now by writing (relatively) shorter and more focused fic/storylines that still pack a punch, but maybe have fewer branches.

Otherwise my genre/theme preferences are generally the same with writing vs. reading and are pretty broad.

Is there a writer you want to emulate or get compared to often?

Not a writer, but I've been told at various times there is a poetical element in a lot of my writing, even in just the sentence structure or how I tend to pace my prose. That makes a lot of sense to me, since I wrote a lot of poetry before getting into writing a lot of prose.

Can you tell me a bit about your writing space?

I used too many tricks on my brain to jump start creativity (yummy beverage, cozy blanket, favorite candle when writing) and now my brain often demands all of these things be in place to do any writing 😬I can sometimes get away without all of them. Usually, I'm writing in my office, which is a pretty blue color with some gold picture frames and often a soothing space. But, I do work from home in there at times, too, and on workdays I can't make myself do creative things in the same spot I sat in working all day. Then, I'll be at my dining table or sitting on my couch, usually with headphones because I have a hard time concentrating with other noise around me.

What’s your most effective way to muster up a muse?

Self care. I mean, making sure I've got sleep/food/hygiene etc. squared away where they should be, even if it means taking a break from the page. Most of the time when I'm trying hard to write and it's just not jiving, it's because I've neglected one of those things, and the words always come easier once I've addressed them.

Playing the game again. Listening to character music. Chatting with friends who love the character, too.

Are there any recurring themes in your writing? Do they surprise you?

Yes! A lot of them became apparent to me only after switching fandoms and realizing I was writing about a lot of similar themes. Grief is a big one. Characters who've experienced both a lack of love and a loss of it. Characters who fall in love again or in spite of that loss. The main ships I've written for all feature characters who either loved someone else first or, in Astarion's case, have gone through the forced motions of romance.

Battle couples is another big one. Bisexual battle couples. 🥰

What is your reason for writing?

It's always felt like something I needed to do to feel whole. Not necessarily the sharing the writing or posting it part, or getting a reaction about it, but doing it at all, even just a little. Even if it's just for me. I feel more me when writing is at least a small part of my life. More free. It's my creative outlet.

Is there any specific comment or type of comment you find particularly motivating?

I adore any comment. I'm borrowing this from someone else's interview post, but I too am a slut for praise. In all honesty though, just knowing I'm not writing into some void or vacuum can be so powerful. Even just a heart emoji comment makes my spirits soar.

The ones that go full red string and corkboard about the plot or characters, or quote what parts stick out to them always stick with me. It lets me know I'm hitting the mark with what I'm trying to convey.

How do you want to be thought about by your readers?

I want them to know I'm still good for it even if it takes me a long time.💜That's the biggest thing to me right now. I'm not able to pour it out so quickly as others can. But I hope they know it'll be a good time when I do eventually post.

And also that I'm just some lady. I'm just another human bean. Wanting to share and enjoy stories with other human beans, and connect with a sense of community through those stories.

What do you feel is your greatest strength as a writer?

Visceral/punchy action scenes, vivid descriptions, setting tone, and portraying character personalities.

How do you feel about your own writing?

My feelings about it change with the tides. Right now, I'm a bit glum, and I think that's because I haven't had much to share or post lately, even though I've been doing lots of writing that isn't ready to be shared yet. On the other hand, I'm having the most fun with it that I've had in a very long time, and that element feels great.

I'm grateful for what I've done, incredibly blessed to have made friends and found community through writing, and ever-striving to find the happy medium of productivity and creativity.

When you write, are you influenced by what others enjoy might enjoy reading, or do you write purely for yourself, or a mix of both?

It's mostly what I'd like hehe. And I'm happy about that. I am often inspired to try things based on what I see in fandom, but if I don't enjoy it, too, I won't pursue it further.

[dipplinduo]

Hey there! I'm actually a big fan of your work , and as a rookie writer myself, I wanted to know if you have some motivation advises (Comparison gives me so much writer blocks and I don't even post)

I love how I received and chose to answer this ask after having a lack of motivation streak that I only broke quite literally a few hours ago xD

I think it's interesting you're bringing up comparison - it honestly might be at the root of what you're specifically experiencing so I'm gonna focus my response on that. I could be off, but it sounds like seeing what other people are doing feels intimidating and puts a lot of pressure on you. So if it isn't "perfect" or "up to par" with what others seem to be doing, it's not good enough to post.

This is my personal take:

I saw a post (wish I could link it but can't remember where it was) that really resonated with me not too long ago. It talked about how we've been conditioned as a society in a way to see a lot of the arts as something to perfect; if you want to sing, you should focus on learning how to become a good singer. If you are a dancer, you should focus on learning forms to become a better dancer.

The post goes on to make the point that this is not why the arts were founded in the first place.

We as humans began to sing because we enjoyed singing. We danced because we liked to dance. We paint, write, and draw because - at each art's purest and most rudimentary form - it is the power and experience of personal expression. The benefit wasn't to be perfect, it was to enjoy the creative outlet in itself.

This is what has always connected me to writing. This is why I'm okay with posting the way I do, and why I don't mind light humor about my typos and all that. Because at the end of the day, you're writing because you enjoy it. You're writing to express and share with others. And you're doing it all for free. Your willingness to give the gift of your creativity out to the world is beautiful in itself.

This next part might sound a lot easier said than done, but again, this is all just my personal route that goes in conjunction with this philosophy:

See other writers/creators as your peers. Think of it like a potluck - everyone's bringing their own food, and everyone has different ideas. But it's cool because now you have mashed potatoes along with your favorite food, and someone else brought ice cream. No one dish is going to "win" - it's the culmination of everyone's efforts that fills plates up and make the event (fandom) enjoyable and connective.

Recognize the way in which your fic is uniquely yours. What's the touch you want to have? Things you enjoy that you want to feel yourself as you create, and perhaps share with others? Romance, humor, fun, peace, angst? Maybe certain situations for characters, or a moment you want to see with your favorite ship? The more you get in touch with what you want to portray, the more credit you'll be able to rightfully give your own work.

Engage with creators/commenters that are additive to your personal enjoyment and creativity. Going with the whole "this is all for fun, and is basically everyone's hobby over life and death" thing - the people you surround yourself with, or even the content you consume, can directly affect your experience in writing for a fandom. I personally get a lot out of talking about my ideas with others and through inviting and responding to feedback from people that engage with my work. If you like engaging with someone else's work, go ahead! See what stands out to you as inspiring, and let that be your takeaway to mull on (as you're essentially learning more about yourself and what you find entertaining or engaging).

I'm gonna get off my soapbox now (lol), but I also wanted to add one more thing:

There unfortunately is a competitive culture in a lot of recreational spaces, and especially with the arts and over the internet lol. There are people who like to overly criticize because it makes them feel better about themselves/their own work, there are people who may choose to dislike you or your work simply because they view you as competition, etc.

These kinds of choices some (not the majority of people!) may choose to make hold no actual reflection of your character or what you're writing. It is someone else's reflection being projected onto you. You may not be able to control what they do, but you can control how you respond. And my advice on that?

It's your free time. Don't give the haters a platform, just disengage & tune into the folks that uplift & encourage you instead. B)

[lacaptaine]

Summer Scribblin'

DISCLAIMER: I MAY HAVE TAGGED IT AS ARTHUR WITH READER BUT IT ISN'T ROMANCE, JUST FLUFF, AND CUTE FAMILY LIKE DYNAMIC. THANKS.

Hello, this is my first contribution to fandom ever and like; I barely write. Just so you know, I am no writer, unless I feel like it. I needed to however get this idea out of my system, because I believe Arthur deserves to feel a little happy for a moment. I'm leaving a link to ao3, but there's also a tumblr text version below. : )

Arthur Morgan has a soft spot for children, change my mind.

WORD COUNT: 2,391

____________________________________________________

SUMMARY: He may be a terrible man; until a child comes along. That's where his heart melts, paternal instincts kicking in rather immediately. With that, we see the Outlaw finding himself enjoying the presence of a peculiar youngling, who doesn't seem to speak much.

Humid was the air on this land, almost like one would jump into a pot of boilin' stew. It almost felt impossible to breathe at times, many of 'em outlaws seekin' shelter under the confines of tree leaves, some optin' for minimum amount of layers to cover their bodies. Terrible damn weather.

One of 'em outlaws, 'spite the rather unpleasant conditions, still decided to sit in here and scrawled like an angry, bad man that he can be, his large hand holdin' his pen in a tight grip, its tip runnin' in quick strokes. His brows were pulled down, creating a fresh pairs of wrinkles on his sweaty forehead. One of the fellow members of his gang, whose mouth ain't ever stopped runnin', had a lot of things to say 'bout today's action in the town, criticising his alleged lack of backbone. Fuckin' moron; one who'd rather come in 'n watch everyone's brains splatter all over the walls, at times leaving one wondering whether the numbers matter to him only in terms of money, or with the numbers in question being 'bout casualities. The higher the amount for both, the better he felt, one would assume. The cowboy's fingers stroked over slicked strands of blonde hair as he sighed deeply. He ain't got the patience for the bastard, and he's come to realise that it is indeed better for the sake of keepin' it together if he'd ignore him. After all, at the end of the day, the moron's gettin' real kick out of it. He's just a waste of breath, waste of space, waste of mind, waste of food, waste of... 

Alright, maybe he will focus on appreciating the wildlife, instead. 

After he was done with givin' his frustrations a little outlet, rather than a bullet to the previously mentioned fella's head, he turned the page, and opted for drawing, a particular hare catching the man's attention. It didn't move, so it proved to be a perfect opportunity for him to drown in the world of, uh... bunnies. It's better than causin' more fuss.

Not so long later, a gentle padding of boots against the ground reached the man's trained ears; however, suspecting that it's just one of the gang members passin' by, he didn't bother lookin' up, having found nothing close to eagerness for conversation. At some moment, soft footfall stilled on the grass, right next to him, what he assumed could be someone waitin' for him to speak.

'What is it?' he inquires, rugged voice rasping out, in a manner which one might find threatening, blue eyes remaining set straight on the paper in front of him. The answer, however, has never been granted to him, deepening the scowl on his face. Leaving the questions hangin' in the air was always a lil' bit of a burden. 'Whaddya-'

With a turn of his head, his sight is welcomed by a particular person, a new... rather small member of their gang, leaving cowboy's face scribbled with bewilderment. She stood there, her height barely reaching past his reclined form, her facial structure being an epitome of innocence. Tiny hands clasped right in front of herself, her head bowed like one of a fawn's. 

'If that ain't... hey,' he greeted, having cleared his throat. 'I, uh... You want somethin'?' The outlaw fixed his expression almost immediately, opting to give a child a smile which oozed warmth and safety, almost forgetting 'bout whatever the hell's been on his mind just a second ago. He wouldn't want to scare the youngling with a a mean look; 'specially since he was able to see her own cheeks roundin' up into a bashful smile itself. She couldn't have been livin' here on this earth for longer than five years, though he cannot tell with them kids. What he knows is that the man has a special set of behaviours reserved for small folks like her, and that the poor thing needs friendly faces to get accustomed to. He is a terrible man, one that kills, one that beats people up and robs the hell outta 'em, but he didn't have the heart to just be another mean bastard when it came to children.

There's a case of her peculiarity that everyone's been rackin' their brains about. First, the kid didn't speak. No one was able to come up with the reason; she seemed to hear just fine, although she merely responded with a glance; if she bothered sparing one, which brings another aspect. It could always been 'bout the fact that she were a little one, nevertheless, eye contact proved to be challenging for her; her gaze always averting as soon as someone returned her own. It left several members wondering about the history behind this quiet girl, other than the tragic circumstances surrounding her discovery. For now, they opted to making the child feel like at home. She hadn't got anyone else to turn towards, with the The Outlaw finding the lost youngling alongside the Leader of the gang a few months back. Her wailing, and a couple of lifeless bodies were enough backstory for them to come to a conclusion that the poor child was utterly alone in this harsh world.

With that, the man suddenly realised that it is the first time he's able to see the colour of her eyes, the curious lookers taking in the sight of a journal in his hands; more specifically, scribbles he had done a few days back when he was on his journey through the forests of West Elizabeth; as the pages turned when he wasn't holding them in place. He always had it with him, this journal; something about the world around him capturing his interest everytime, with paper providing space for his thoughts, or even doin' as much as letting him capture quickly what he had seen. Interestingly shaped trees, wonderfully coloured flowers, animals; funny lookin' or not, always ended up finding their own place in his journal. It ain't like he shared it with anyone, it was after all so personal to the man. A child, however, was enamoured by little drawings he did, fascinated by the details of a wild hare on a page, her tiny mouth slightly open. With one last glance at the man, she hesitatantly took a step towards him, with an expectant gaze, her finger pointed towards the small patch of grass next to him. 

'You, uh...' The Cowboy repeats her gesture awkwardly. '... Wanna sit with me?' No response aside from an endearing tilt of her head, as if he were lookin' at a pup. He found himself unable to resist a gentle laugh, even if he were quite unsure of how to go on about with this one. Something 'bout this youngling just had him in her tiny grasp; that much was clear. She needed someone to make her feel safe, having her childhood ruined in such a cruel manner. Warmth washed over him; because it truly is the first since she were able to hold the eye contact with him, as if she were finally opening herself up. 'Alright, come here, Lil' one.'

Perhaps, it will be best if he were to repeat himself, that's for sure. In an inviting manner his large hand moved, tapping it against the green ground next to him, the seat she eagerly took. 

'Ah... Look at you, comin' outta your shell, yeah?' He encouraged further, with the toddler glancing up at the man's face once more, with a small giggle. Then what follows... Silence. As usual. A nod of his head, and he thinks for a moment, feeling her stare on him. "What should he do?", he wonders, scratching his rough chin as he tries to think of ways he could entertain the child... While she ran tiny fingers over the clean sheet of paper, as if she found the texture rather fascinating. Ah, well, it... it's his... Well, private belonging or whatever, but it ain't like the kid will steal his journal and run away with it, no. She is very polite when she makes a bashful gesture of her hand, as if to ask him if she may hold it, if she can use the sheets of paper, and something about it just melts his cold heart, devoid of any kindness, or so, as he likes to believe...

'Here you go,' he said simply, the journal traversing through his hands to her own, because for how long can he resist his paternal instinct, the one he thought had died a long time ago? He's a bad man, he thinks. The youngling skips over the pages with words, a natural instinct to be more drawn towards the pictures of flowers he'd made.

'My, a real connoisseur of art,' the man laughed, but the girl haven't looked up at him, her eyes observing the sketch of a deer with intrigue. 'Not like I'm, uh... any artist or somethin'...' He was a tad awkward, that's for damn sure. He was a rugged outlaw after all, a terrible man, robber and a killer of the worst sort. Seein' small folk like her just makes him... Wonder what makes a little pup like her want to hang around with him. 

After a moment, the child looks up at him with a bashful look on her face, almost apologetic in a way. Her hand slightly raised to her face, tapping her finger against it. Oh.

Suddenly, it all makes sense now. 

The outlaw cleared his throat; right.

She ran into an empty page, rubbing her round nose with fingers deep in thought, before her eyes peeked into the pen in his hand, gaze that the Outlaw followed with utmost attention. He didn't know what to think, it ain't like... Ah, those damn children. 

'Wanna, uh... draw? Scribble a little?' His speech was slow, giving her the time to observe the movements of his lips. The pen was raised, its tip drawing circles in the air, while he pointed at the journal in the child's hand. Trying his best to make an attempt at finding a different way to speak and help her understand his intentions, past the verbal communication, he saw the child next to him lighting up all of sudden, a reaction that got him smilin'. Smilin' to a point where his cheeks hurt. She perked up, like little, baby deer, and it took all his strength to not melt as her tiny fingers took the extended pen out of his large hand.

This precious thing was overjoyed, that much he could see. It's like the pen transferred an energy that's been waitin' for its release since the day she was born. The child doodled, using the simplest shapes to portray different creations of nature. A big tree on the left, with a sizeable flower that reached half of its height; a smiling cat with three whiskers on each side of its muzzle, probably havin' in mind a feline that she may have seen at some point in her life; equally just as big, and a little house. The Outlaw, normally, wouldn't have it within him to just let someone scribble all over his belonging, but god damn it. It's a child. Ain't like they got much paper lyin' around for free use. If that means seein' a the little duckling happy, so be it...

The man saw a red squirrel running right in front of them, stoppin' every once in a while to check the surroundings. And of course, he didn't have the heart to stop the little artist in the heat of her passion, but he couldn't let the opportunity for her to see the curious animal just pass! He nudged the girl gently, just on her arm, and pointed at the rodent that tried to jump over the tree. It took her a moment, her eyes being squinted in focus, before relaxing when she saw it. 

'Look'at it go, almost as tiny as you!' The man laughed gently, lookin' down at her once more, seein' that she's already traced the lines which resemble the squirrel; the girl havin' made sure to emphasize long ears and fluffy tail. The animal on the paper was almost as huge as the cat next to it. He's a bad man, and yet, he couldn't resist the smile that's been plastered on his face for a good few minutes now. She may not have been as expressive as other children he'd see, but when the baby giggled, when her lips curled up, or even when she did as much as she scrunched her nose in focus; warmth washed over his cold, cold and, once again, cold heart. It's like the girl melted it, and stole it, the precious little thing she was, paternal instincts resurfacing within him once more.

And then; just like that, he saw a sketch, and his eyes widened slightly. On a page he sees a drawing of a person... A man with a beard, a hat on his head, with a scarf wrapped aroung his neck, and the widest damn smile on his face, like the one of a fool's. The Outlaw wiped his mustache, taking into his hands the journal she had extended to him, with that expectant look on her face. She waited for that nod of approval, needing it more than anything at this moment; an approval that he, this rugged man, granted. Of course, he knew who that fella on the page was; it were him, or, how the toddler saw him as. A big fella with a hat, who smiles at her widely. He wasn't an outlaw to her, or a goddamn cowboy. To the girl, he was just a nice man who let her draw in his journal, who kept her safe from dangers of cruel world, which took her childhood. Possibly the first person she had approached on her own ever since she found herself in the gang. 

And that is something he couldn't wrap his head around. How is it possible, that he; a person so terrible as he is, was the one that this kid somehow wasn't threatened by?

And god, why was he smiling so much? He cannot tell. 

What he can tell, however, he hasn't done that for so long. 

And that her own smile, he wants to protect. 

[ichiharas-familiar]

Loveless post below the cut b/c of series typical vague csa discussion, and it's a bit long. spoilers i guess.

My personal take on whether Soubi has 'real' romantic/sexual/whatever feelings for Ritsuka is that he does, but they have nothing to do with Ritsuka in particular, and that once he gets to know Ritsuka *in particular* those feelings start to fade. The way Soubi conceives of the sacrifice/fighter dynamic means that he believes the only acceptable outlet for his desire for romance or sex is his sacrifice. (and that's not an uncommon attitude! how many fighters or sacrifices have romantic relationships *outside* of that pair?) Ritsuka is just the latest in a line of people who were supposed to be his whole world. Sure, unlike Ritsu, Seimei didn't have any of that sort of interest in Soubi, but that doesn't matter because Seimei still *occupied* that part of his brain, and probably would have viewed any attempt of Soubi's to have relationships outside of him as a major betrayal.

So Ritsuka is supposed to fill this role for him. But when Soubi actually meets him and gets to know him, he realizes that... Ritsuka is a child. A regular kid (let's not forget that Seimei carved his name into Soubi's neck when he was 14) who needs a protector more than a slave most of the time. Soubi *can't* project this role onto him, Ritsuka just won't take up the reins. So everything (including the romantic/sexual image) starts to break down, because Ritsuka isn't his sacrifice in any of the ways he was taught to expect. Leaving us at the point we are now.

None of this is even touching the damage wrought by being ordered by Seimei to love Ritsuka or the fact that Soubi was raped as a child but it's a few thoughts on one angle. I feel like this might be *too* obvious but u know there's not a lot of posting on this series so I might as well.

[chocolatepot]

Mildly frustrated lately about the difficulty of trying to categorize my writing. It started when I was writing my cover letter for the novella and trying to describe it properly ...

Romantic relationships are generally central to my plots, because I like them and I like the way that centering a story on two individuals with/who develop feelings for each other brings out different aspects of these characters and changes their goals. But this is all really affected by my aceness: I'm just not that interested in sexual attraction and I don't tend to include much of it, not consciously - it just doesn't occur to me when I'm formulating a plot or conceptualizing characters. So I'm not interested in Romance The Genre (which from my pov is almost entirely based on sexual attraction - the characters only realize they're in love when they've experienced sexual attraction to each other for a long time, there's typically very very little interest in each other's personalities) and I'm definitely not writing it. I think my stuff may come off in theory as "Sweet Romance", ie romance with no sexual content in it, but that bugs me because I think that's a genre/content choice and that's not what I'm doing. I'm writing romantic character arcs/plotlines from an aspec perspective, which I feel like isn't "queer enough" to count for outlets for queer fiction.

It's just annoying, you know?

[radley-writes]

Different anon here. Been suffering a pretty significant depression slump that magnified tenfold after a pretty devastating breakup.. my main WIPs were romances but now the idea of romantic love makes me want to puke from the anxiety. It's been almost half a year now, and I feel like I'm in a constant state of mourning, a ghost of myself. Will I ever be able to write again..?

Oh, nonnie. You've really been through it. Come walk with me to the river, okay?

[image description: a sunlit field, lined with trees, and a pale blue winter sky above]

It's a lovely sunny (if FREEZING) day, so you'll need a coat and a sunhat!

Here we go...

You've been through something horrible, which has tarnished your love for your favourite genre. I'm so sorry that the breakdown of your relationship took writing romance from you. That sounds incredibly difficult, and to grieve that loss is understandable.

Let's head down through the farmland, along the muddy tracks pitted with the hoof prints of wild deer...

[ID: a dirt road leading between two thin lines of trees, with green fields on either side]

As far as I see it, three options lie before you.

1) push through the anxiety and force yourself back into writing what you used to love, risking making yourself hate it even more and causing yourself psychological damage in the process.

2) abandon the idea of writing romance entirely and focus on something new - which means letting go of something you still care deeply for, and many memories you cherish.

3) wait to heal and hope time will resolve your lingering trauma around romance - but you don’t know how long this will take, or even if it will work at all.

.... We're gonna have to take a detour because the rich city slicker bastards are out shooting birds for 'sport' again 🙃. Scuse me...

[ID: A copse of spindly birch trees, leafless in winter. ]

[ID: A fallow field with a green field behind it. The green field is dotted with numerous white fabric flags.]

Back onto a new path! And look at all the flags on that one field.... Fuck any geese who land THERE in particular, huh?

Any one of those options might work for different people! However, I suspect you’re aware of these choices, and for whatever reason, they aren’t working for you.

I can't give you a perfect answer. I can't even promise that you will write romance again. But if you’re ready, I can give you a few ideas that invoke elements of Option 1, 2 and 3, which might help with the healing process.

[ID: A path along the edge of a field, leading into a group of trees. A river is visible beyond it.]

Sometimes, we start to resent ourselves when we can no longer do something from which we used to extract joy - be this for any reason, trauma, physical disability, end of a hyperfixation, etc. If this is the case, holding tightly onto the past may not be in your best interest.

If the mere idea of writing romance brings you no joy and satisfaction, only repulsion and misery... If you are clinging on to your desire to write romance out of a need to prove that you are the same person you were before you went through this, and that what you suffered did not effect you... it might be best for you to cut that desire loose.

There are so many creative outlets out there. Something else will call to you. You could try to - very slowly and gently - broaden your reading horizons, and write something completely devoid of romance. You could dabble in different hobbies and turn your focus to alternate means of creativity, from dance to cooking to pottery.

And if you sample many different dishes and none of them appeal... There's a fair chance that, by the time you reach that point, you might have put enough time and distance between yourself and the disintegration of this relationship, that writing romance no longer feels like stabbing yourself repeatedly in the chest.

It might still hurt, but it’ll be more like grasping a thorn. A small, sharp pain, but one that isn't going to tear you all the way open.

We're almost there!

[ID: A muddy path through leafless, ivy-wrapped winter trees. A river is just visible between them]

It’s alright to change. It’s alright to let trauma and loss shape us, so long as we don’t let it ruin our lives and the lives of people around us.

We're here! Let's sit down for a bit.

[ID: Half of a simple wooden bench, on a grassy bank, pointing away from the camera.]

I want you to sit quietly for a while. Think about what I’ve said, and ask yourself, truly, if pursuing becoming a romance writer again is the best course for you.

If it is - or if you are unsure, but still want to try - let's focus on trying to help you reclaim that part of yourself that you used to love.

Does reading romance also give you panic attacks? How about novels that include romance, but focus their plot in a different direction? Sit down with a fantasy book that has a minor background romance - I can give you some reccs, if you want! See how you feel.

Is there a show you really love, and some characters whose relationship you're invested in? Do those characters feel sufficiently distant from your situation? If so, could you write a few short snippets of fanfic. You don't have to publish them - but if I'm in a slump, writing fanfic often feels far less personal than writing about my own OCs. That might help you rediscover your affection for the romance genre, without cutting out your own heart and slapping it on the page.

Alternatively, could you write a platonic romance? By which I mean, for writing practice, try to incorporate all the 'beats' of a romance book, but focus on a different type of love - that between friends, or siblings, or even a parent and a child. Again, this might help you access the emotional ups and lows of a romance novel and help you hone your writing skills, while avoiding the core issue of a romantic relationship.

[ID: a river meanders over a flat countryside, reflecting the blue cloudy sky]

Here's our river, winding away. I hope that no matter what you choose to do, you take good care of yourself.

You will find creative joy again, somewhere, even if it's not in the same way you're used to. Of that much, I'm certain. X