#and somehow that hurts even more and i also dont want to put my family in a position where my behavior reflects badly on them

[xxlelaxx]

I hate having complex feelings about situations.

[popponn]

things about sae.

it's sae's turn in my brain microwave. i want to understand you, underlashes senior. headcanons +observation+ rambling. spoilers, will be updated as time goes on.

scathing, mean af vocabs. pretty rude even as a child. but compared to rin, his cursing seems to be much tamer.

is REALLY focused on soccer. but also said in the character interview to not "only be able to/focus on soccer like him".

but in his introduction to u20 shows that he seems to value someone who goes all in to soccer. and it's kind of in line with the things he "admits" and chided. example a: shidou and isagi being individuals who are undeniably soccer obsessed (though on isagi's case as they haven't even talk, if i remember correctly, this might be more because of isagi's way of winning through "making use of luck"). example b: things he said in the u20 introduction in response to sendou.

headcanonish but this guy is giving me "burnout gifted child" vibe with all the prodigal status, expectations, and being hit in the face by the world. like what are you. are you satisfied by marina??????

there are few moments where he displays something that is pretty close to 'praise', but say it not to the related person/group himself. (i.e. his thoughts of blue lock in locker room, his comment about "dont switch out any of the u20 member".)

like is he being not nice on purpose????? honestly probably. headcanonish, but if seeing his way of giving comments to rin pre-spain, it's been like that since he was little. (i will check rin's ln again later)

in contrast to rin having "natural luck", this guy seems to more " making/seeking luck". but idk yet, with only ice cream sticks as clues. sae backstory and ln spin off when.

his eyes during the confrontation with rin in that snowy night are pretty expressive. but since visual cues leave a really wide room for interpretation + bllk tendency to subvert things, i will not comment. but honestly i really agree with the sentiment that sae was hurt by rin's words, but in the end the discouragement seems to come more from a place of "i don't want you to get hurt so just go home and don't play soccer anymore" (very very hc and more of an interpretation, as sae's pov is still non existent)

aka yeah, this guy is shit at displaying concern and any sort of care. headcanon but. do you see the vibe??? with rin???? like it's similar. what is this genetic.

simple fashion, but pretty trendy and chic(?).

this guy seems like a family guy who misses his family a lot. (please make up soon with your lil bro)

watches chibi maruko chan. has habits that genuinely reminds me of old people (drinking tea, looking at sea, thinking of family).

people at blue lock think of him as someone who seems to be good at study, but looking at the pattern of hyperfocused people in blue lock it either goes two way: a) his skill at everything else is questionable at best, abysmall at worst ; b) he is an all-rounder indeed.

but then again there is also the third type aka "good at football, still functional at everything except communication and emotional management skill".

his way of talking in jp is, to put it simply, pretty casual like guys his age. the thing that are the rudest part of it was his choice of words and the fact that he seems to talk like this to everyone. even his elder. and also the way he is very blunt in expressing his opinion.

but somehow that bluntness is gone when it came to showing vulnerable emotions. talk about emotional constipation.

if his character interview is reliable and unbiased, as it is from sae's own pov, his relationship with his parents seems okay.

genuinely wondering about his parents' canon response to his and rin's cold war.

does he even have friends. no like seriously.

his brother and him are really similar in many ways. rin is probably copying him in some ways tho—that, or rin's own issues. or sae's own issues.

please just make up with your brother. (2)

after spain his bang is gone. as in he just pushed them up. in u20 it still went down sometimes in a few panels.

he likes numbers. maybe he really is smart.

genuinely looking at him like "please get a hobby" not even as an insult but out of genuine concern. this dude has so many issues and the burnout child prodigy vibe is real strong with this one.

but not fully his fault. pretty much live alone overseas, probably with no friends his age and just a manager as his support system, went through a crisis, is a (probable) family loving guy with his family far away from him, then came home to his beloved lil bro he spoiled and dotted on and shared a dream with saying hurtful things to him on his lowest point. and not supporting his new decision and dream. from sae's pov, it's brutal.

i can defend rin on this too tho. honestly please talk to each other, itoshi bros. or acknowledge that maybe neither of you were in not in the best state of mind during that confrontation.

seems logical and he does likes numbers. but honestly, he just acts as he wants—look at how he talks to journalist, how he has 0 hesitation to leave an ongoing match.

went to spain at 13 according to rin's spin off novel. also mentioned to "hate to lose" and seems to be a strict perfectionist.

must be noted however that how rin sees him seems to be very biased. a bit of rin analysis/hc, but there seems to be "putting nii chan on a pedestal" going on there. how their childhood truly is from sae's perspective is still unknown. on rin's part tho, seems to be a very nice period.

is rich. so the snobby rich condescending guy aura is probably not that far from the truth. his sense of money seems to be a mess, as a few hundred millions is a small amount for him.

this guy seems to be picky with who he respects and he really doesn't hold back in disrespecting someone he doesn't. even higher ups and older people.

does skincare canonly.

doesn't seem to have friends so far...? (nel arc, before pxg match) but if we look at how rin is now, unsurprising.

in rin's novel, rin's physique is mentioned to be "better" than sae's actually. with how "rin wins in luck" while sae "loses" motive exist through the ice cream sticks, probably this motive will come up again when sae appears again.

[plantboiart]

Just roll with it riptide theory time, spoilers for episode 115, episode 70, and the black rose pirates oneshot

So. This is a very weird one and probably incorrect because i got like 5 hours of sleep last night BUT. It has also been in my mind for like months at this point and I’ve finally figured out some way for it to make sense so here we go!

I believe, without a shadow of a doubt, that Chip is from the hole in the sea. Like literally born from it. His lack of any biological family or even a name until he met Arlin, and captain Rose knowing that Chip would 1. Survive whatever he believed would kill them all and 2. Knowing that Chip would come back to the black sea, as well as the most obvious “Welcome Home” in his head when they went in the hole? Yeah. He is from there.

However, even more in specifically, i dont believe that hes just from the hole, i believe he is part of it. He is connected to it. And ive thought this to some extent since the “fighting chip’s inner demons very literally” scene in episode 70, and more importantly; Arlin in the scene.

Because he does not act like how you would expect a nightmarish version of your father inside your own subconscious to act. He acts scared. He acts surprised that Chip is there. The evil versions of Jay, Ollie, and Gillion are aggressive, instantly striking out against him, but Arlin? He’s scared of Chip. And scared of hurting Chip. He acts almost the same as Chip himself does, trying to reassure himself that this isn’t real, that this is just a nightmare.

And I think that’s because in some fucked up way it really is him.

That that’s not Chip’s subconscious creating a nightmare version of Arlin for him to fight, instead it’s really just him. Arlin, after being in the hole in the sea for over a decade, succumbing to the corruption.

He looks like someone suffering from the black sea’s corruption might look. Black tendrils coming out of where his arm used to be, black liquid dripping out of his eyes… Chip shouldnt be able to make that up in his mind. He hadn’t seen the corruption yet.

And Arlin is terrified. Of Chip. Confused, like he’s the one seeing things, because he thinks that he is. “Is that really you”, “You can hear me”, “You’re here to kill me again”. Those are the words of someone who’s been stuck seeing visions of his son killing him over and over again for a decade, just like he did in the black rose pirates oneshot. That’s not said like a nightmare trying to harm him. They’re said like a man who’s desperately trying to snap himself out of what he believes to be a nightmare.

“I don’t want to hurt you” isn’t said by a nightmare that is trying to trick a person. It’s said by a man who even for a second wants to believe that his son is really there, speaking to him, and in danger of being hurt by corruption that he can’t control.

And like… I’ve thought this for months. But until episode 115 my theory was that Arlin was somehow stuck inside Chip’s mind, living that nightmare of Chip killing him over and over again, but now? I believe that Arlin is absolutely still inside the hole in the sea. It’s just that Chip’s subconscious is connected to it as well.

And how fucked up would that be? That they finally get into the hole in the sea, they finally find Arlin, and instead of him being happy to see Chip, or even him being just straight up dead, he’s instead convinced that Chip is there to kill him. To harm him. That this is just another nightmare. Another vision sent to hurt him.

Like I said i got 5 hours of sleep last night this might not be anything and someone else could probably put this in words that make way more sense but who cares! I am going insane!

[the-friendly-entity]

Hello there. Can you do an imagine where the MK1 characters finding out that the reader has an abusive family and how will they react to it when they find out?

[ ~"No Your Home"~ ] - Mortal Kombat 1

Congrats on being the first user to send a question! I am so sorry for the late response on this, somehow tumblr did not notify me of this until I checked out my activity, it is a really interesting prompt/idea! hope I did it as you like <3 and if you really suffer from this, I'm so sorry for hear that :( i hope you can seek for help to get out from that dangerous relationship and be in a better place safe

What contains? Abuse Topic, Sensitive Content, Mention of Gore/Death

How is visualized as? Cople Relation Ship, Family Relation Ship, Friend Relation Ship

Raiden

-He already had some suspicious, mostly at first when he wanted to wave or put his arm up to do a high fight and you reacted so scared and tried to cover yourself with your arms, something surely dint expect Raiden you do, at first he thought it was a just a misunderstanding for the first time, but when he see this sometimes repeat he have douts

-No Only that, but you using a clothes that cover most of your body also makes him suspicious, he does not judge anyone clothes style, but he cant stop feeling something was odd about it

-He always wanted to address this but he dont know how to, until one time he found you hided crying alone, he slowly get close to you and ask you whats wrong, he surely will be ok if dint want to address this or dont feel comfortable to talk what ever is bother you, but once you told him about the abuse you suffer from you parents he get mostly froze

-He can't believe you have such abused parents, not in a literal way, you are just a good person why do you deserve to be treated like that? and mostly by you own parents, he surely will talk to you all you about it and try to find a way to fix this, he will try to talk you parent try to make a deal in the most pacifist as possible, but if you parents are really aggressive and stubborn, he will use his Earthrelm champion title for this situation, or most tense parts, use his thunder powers to scared them and show dominance that way they let you free

-His house is welcome if you dont have a place to go to live with momentary, he even dont mind if you want to live in his house permaly as long you safe is what makes him feel relief, at the moment the first Raiden will do is take you to a doctor to check all you injures you parents did to you, make sure you get fully healed

Kung Lao

-Surprisely he surely will figure out more faster a difference from Raiden, he saw your odd reactions but he thought you were just that shy or he that scarry? I mean he a very buff guy~ (in his imagination)

-Surely he will figure out in one of his jokes, tickles you or carry you up for the fun, seeing your injuries and purple marks from the clothes as been lifted up a little from the playful moment, making the joke be fully over

-He will straight up asking what happened and who did this two you?, you try to hide your injures and stay away from him, just saying is nothing but of course is not, Kung Lao will insist a lot until saying the truth, he will not leave your safe until he knows why you are hurt

-Finally, you reveal about your abused parents, ooh Kung Lao is pissed, so badly, who dare to hurt you like that!? he dont care are your parents, they need to be teaching a lesson to not hurt their own children like that, he will just straight go to your parents house and start a discussion about it, if things gets intense fight will be make (dont worry he will not muder you parents but he wish)

-After that, he will make sure you will be safe, taking you to a doctor to check the injuries, and invite you to his home so you have a place to live, if your parents dare to try to take you back he will keep sure they will not try to archive that, keep you safe is his priority

Smoke - Tomas

-I think he will be the same fast to know it as kung lao, after all, he live an abuse experience with Bi-Han so he knows the feeling, seeing you trying to cover yourself with your arms, he has a worried look, straight asking "who is hurting you?...."

-Even if try to hide as much as possible, Smoke will be keeping close to you, he wants to figure out who is hurting you, he wants to help you, there is no need for to you hided this, he wants to help...

-He will always send hints about it, hints of you have someone there to help you, trying to earn your trust and trying to free you from this prison of fear you parents as made you, making you think you have no one to help you, thanks of all this hints and support from Tomas, you finally say about you Abuse Parents

-He was not even mad, or sad, he disappointed, disappointed from your parents for do this to you, he will comfort you and make sure to you feel safe, he as raiden will try to negotiate with you parents peacefully, if things dont work out, he will not just let leave you in that bad home, he will take with you to be safe not matter how much your parents yell or try to take you, he will protect you, after all, you parents dont know who is dealing with

Kenshi Takahashi

-Well, he not a hand person so he would never have seen this odd reaction from you, even so, Sento already told him something was not ok with you, which made him be in alarm

-I think the way Kenshi will figure out about your abusive parents on his own is you two are cuddling surely you already sleeping due to how safe you feel in his arms, in an accidental touch, he feels one of you injured, confused and in worried he carefully touch your body, making as possible not uncomfortable you or not broke you personal space, after all, was your body and he was not having permission to touch it, but as he found more and more injures, he get more worried, and more when he feel a lot of them are very recent

-After that, he will ask you about it, about this injury and what or who is causing it, you try to not say it and keep it as "its not big deal", but Kenshi will make you feel safe to make you talk about if, after all he can't leave you after he found you poor body badly hurt

-After you talk about your abusive parents, he is angry but not the same angry as Kung Lao, but definitely angry, he will try to your parents in a passive-aggressively way, and if they dont want to cooperate, Kenshi just straight you take out his katana and point it at your parents, to make them know who are dealing with, after that, he will take you to a doctor to check you injures, if you need a house to live, he will ask Jhonny for make you a house where you can be safe and far away from your parents (he dont think you are safe if you live with him, due all the yakuza situation and all the stuff he have to live as part of the Eearthrelm protectors) with all the things you need, even ask Jhonny for have you a job where you can get money, but dont worry, he always will have a day he will check on ya

Reiko

-He already saw the odd reaction, and he just felt proud having no idea why you acting that way, he thinks is because he strong looking and you feel dominated by his appearance, is because you acting such way, he may have abuse of this a little, just to get proud feeling

-Maybe the way he figure out this if you have a breakdown, posebly he was training and you dint know entering straight into the mouth of the wolf he almost hit you, you lucky you was slowly entering the room to avoid the hit, and that triggers you a lot making you fall from the floor crying, he will at first chuckles about this and telling you "come on, dont be dramatic i dint even hit you by luck" but seeing you not respond is what concern him

-He will try as best to comfort you, he will carry you carefully and take you to a room where you are comfortable and safe, waiting for you to stop crying and calm you down, once you finally calm, Reiko ask for explanations about you behavior early, and you know there not excuse or way out from this, so you told him about you abuse parents

-He at firts wil be silent, but you can see his expression got serious, he straight ask you where they live, and once you father open the door he will get pass out from Reiko punch in the face and bleeding from the nose, you mother not even have time to react what happen, but lucky for her, it was they warning, because Reiko will not have mercy next time if they try to do something to you, he will take you to his home so you be safe, and take you to doctors to cure you injures, and mostly he apologies about taking chance of you trauma for fill his ego, after what all that after, he mostly more sweet with you and mostly protective

Rain

-Again, he is not a very hand person, but surely he will notice you odd behavior when he moves his staff, making you react and cover your body with you arms, he mostly ask you ok, he mostly thinks he was too close to you and almost could hurt you, but when this happens a couple of times now he have suspicious

-He will ask trick questions, making sure to get all the information he wants to know about it, to know what is causing you react that way if something happens to you to always be alert of everything, everytime he asks the question about "is someone in particular doing something at you" you get oddly quiet, his suspicious just increase

-Finally he just straigt foward about it, just asking "who is hurting you", as long you try to denied you not free from Rain until you tell the true, once you tell about you abuse parents he angry about it, you parents? that is fall so low, he will to you parents home and try to negotiate to them, and if they dont agreed, well, Rain will just drown them a little, dont worry he will not kill them even if he wish but he will just show them a little of who are dealing with, just egnoft before remove the water from they heads so they can breath

-Now safe in Rain's hands, he is your doctor! he knows how to cure your injuries and even make them they not even exist to the first place, after all, he feels angry and sad seeing your body being hurt that way, you will live in his home where you can safe from you parents

Baraka

-He already smells your blood, the smell does recent injuries you have have that have a little of your blood, maybe still bleeding a little, knowing are from you he will straightforward ask you if you ok, and he will know you are lying, his intimate appearance its not make you so much option to say about your abuse parents

-Oh he dont like that, he was a parent before the tarkat take over him so hearing about his burn his blood, he will ask you about where you parents live and not for talk, he will straight murder them, not letting anything behind, he will not let you see this tho so you will never know about the murder of you parents

-He will take you to a doctor to cure your injures and ask Syzoth help if can find you a home where you live and be safe, he wish he can be near you to keep you safe from anyone, but yea...the tarkat

-but something sure, he will be a family to you, the family you never have and the family you need it, always checking on you and telling you praises you parents never told you, he will make you have what you never had and is very aware you need that

Shang Tsung

-To be honest, he was just confused of your odd reactions but did not really think about it, i think the most way he surely find about your abused parents is when he caught you trying to heal your own injuries alone

-After hearing his voice catching you off guard his words "Why you are alone there" Having already a smug expression due to your reaction, he mostly not even ask why you have those injures and straight fogar wanted to know about them by himself, slowly surprised of how much you have, you almost a broken doll

-you have his curiousity and he ask what happen to you, his voice have nothing of pity, even if you dont want to tell him, you know you are not safe from Shang Tsung's grip and you told him about your abuse parents

-He at first will be not care and just leave you alone, but as the day passes he feels....jealous? angry? He does not even know how to figure out this feeling, he just feels "the only one who allowed to hurt you is me" thing, he not even will ask where you parents live, he will follow you from the distance and arrive at your parents home, once he knows where you parents leave, he takes they souls and problems solve~

-Knowing you eventually find they corpse you will tell Shang Tsung about it for not say almost interrogate him about it, he will act like he dont know about it with that fruity and smug expression, at least you can live in your home peacefully, but if you not feel comfortable in that house, Shang Tsung is more that happy you live with him, about you injures, I dont know, mostly you can ask about it for help you, but he will do it? you can trust him? only Shang Tsung knows that answer

Syzoth

-Again no hand person but he can smell your blood from your injures, knowing it from you he is worried, already telling you you are bleeding, making you nervous, he tries to make you be calm as possible and offer his help, he very supportive boy :(, so he find odd when you refuse his help

-Seeing the blood smell dint go away and he knew was recent each time, he found it odd, why you always bleeding? and acting like nothing is happening, he try to address this as best as possible, trying to not make you uncomfortable about the topic, he just worried about you

-Once he knows about you abusive parents, ooooh he angry, again he was a father before Shang Tsung take them, so he can accept you are suffering from you parents, he mostly will comfort you and make you feel safe, but mostly ask you to talk to them

-He will try to address it as peacefully as possible with you parents, but he will not be very patient with your parent's attitude and when his patience is over he straigth forward show his zaterran form, he dont care about what you parents think about him, he will show them do not mess with you

-After that, he invites you to live in his place, takes you to a doctor to cure your injuries and be the parent you never had, of course will be different due to Zaterran parents acting diferent from human parents, but he will try as possible to give you what you never have

Havik

-He thinks he scared you becuse of his odd powers or his scary appearance so he will not think about it, possibly the way he figure out about your abuse parents are one of does moments he talks (rants) about the abuse and suffer he feels his people and everyone have the right to live freely, all does talk make you feel motivate or more confident to talk about you abuse parents

-Once you finally tell him about it, oh you can see the HELL in his eyes, he can't believe you being abused by your own parents, someone so good and someone who can't even defend yourself, he will demand you were you parents live, and he will not talk, straight kill them

-You will shocked from so gore scene, telling Havik he didn't do that, but he with his blood hands try to comfort you, telling you is what they deserve for treating you that way, that was they punishment and now you was free from they hell

-Maybe you dont want to live with havik after that and he will respect your decision, even he feels a little sad to make you feel that way, he dont regret doing it for the good of you, and promise you will be safe under his protencion

Liu Kang

-he could noticed it, and surely could know you suffering from some sort of abuse, is was a normal reaction from someone who suffers it, he will not go straight forward making sure you say it when you feel comfortable, so he will have his hands behind!!

-He will be so sweet with you :(, making sure you have a good time knowing you passing from something horrible, is what you deserve, surely you cry sometimes when he was too sweet with you, is something you cant belive you know? it was a feeling you cant process after you get use to the abuse

-Finally thanks of Liu Kang's Actions you told him about your abuse parents, he so sad to hear this news, he thought it wil be a friend or a partner you have, but your own parents?, is heart breaking, and he promise to try to make something

-He wil not even try to look intimidating or dominant, he is a god yes but he will not use his rank for things like this, he will try to talk to you parents peacefully, and if things dont work out, well, this goes straight to judge, dont worry of course Liu Kang win it and you parents go to jail

-He will offer you multiple houses to live, and he is definitely ok if you want to live in his place, he will continue to be as sweet as he has been, trying to replace does bad experience you have, remove all that trauma and you be free from that abuse you have from you parents, and even you scared you parents come back dont worry, Liu Kang will make sure of they wont

Geras

-Yep, he knows, he already saw about your abusive parents, how they treated you and hurt you, it was something sad to see, he even saw other timelines where you parents actully love you, or straight they abandoned you or kill you...

-He dont know if he has the right to be in your life, after all are mortal decisions and he can't change those decisions, surely tell this to Liu Kang to seek of opinion about it, knowing you and Geras are close to each other he will allowed it as long you make the decision to tell him

-and there he is, being on your side, trying to show you beautiful things and make you forget about the bad experience with you parents, same as Liu Kang he will be so nice to you in his way, posebly knowing he the guardian of time surely you figure out he knows, not even telling him just asking if in a future you parents will love you or they did feel love

-Is sad to hear his answer but he wil make sure you dont have to see them anymore, no matter how hard your parents try to find you they will never be, you will be safe in your new home, and living the life you deserve it away of any danger or abuse

[muffinsin]

Hello muffin tis i, deluded anon with another ask. Tw for ablism i think? I am autistic and get called slurs and mocked for it by my family n friends, such as the r word n whatnot. If theres any issues that cause me stress like putting the cutlery away- they are too loud and hurt my head. Or if my clothes and everything touching me burns n pricks me, being mute on occasions i get told to get a grip n to shut up- then told off later if i was in public. They treat other autistic people differently from me n reassure them that its ok n valid but its not ok for me to be like that. Anyways i dont really do people and am attached to my teddies n plushies- they have feelings. I always take the most care with them n i dont want them to be uncomfortable, they all call me delusional and a not right for loving my plushies (and fictional women)more than them.

So what would happen if the reader were to be autistic and a maid in the castle struggling with some certain tasks and the rest of the maids treating the reader like how ive been treated (if that makes sense. Idk if i’m making sense) so readers kind of like the laughing stock for them, unbeknownst to the sisters until some maid rips a teddy or comfort item.

How would the sisters react to this? I dont think theyd like it nor tolerate it due to cassandra being autistic and daniela having adhd.

I’m sorry this is such a long ask and quite frankly too much of a self centred one. I have no idea if this makes sense- i apologies sincerely if this makes you uncomfortable in any way. Please dont feel pressured to write this.

I can 100% see the rendition of lion king being played out with dani 😂 she would without a doubt try n blag her mother into making her sister make up for being mean to her, like forfeiting a maid to her.



Of course! I’m very curious about this ask tbh and hope I’ll do it justice :)

A few things first up under the cut, if anybody wants to skip to the start of the HCs, it’ll be marked for you😊

TW: ableism, bullying

Let’s get into this! :)

Masterlists

Tbh I’m hoping I’ll be able to get this right! I’m not autistic myself and am only going off what I’ve read here and experiences I’ve been told about by friends.

First thing I want to say hon, is that you are absolutely, 100% valid.

Nobody- and this includes you- deserves to be called slurs or treated wrongly for such reasons. There is no justification to it at all. To treat you differently while claiming to be accepting with others is awful, and I sincerely hope you will find people decent and good enough to accept you, friends especially :)

Also- plushie superiority honestly XP What are their names?👀 Have you got a fav? Or is it an I-love-them-all-equally- situation? Honestly, regarding what you’ve said about plushie love not being okay? I call bs on it. I find plushie love is one of the sweetest there is, even when I don’t have that many myself, I greatly treasure the few plushies I still have. Heck yeah XD

Is the autism and ADHD for Cassandra and Daniela canon? Or a HC?👀 I’ve never heard of it

(Lion king drabble mentioned: here)

Aight that’s it from me! This all probably made little sense, because ironically I cannot comfort at all, I suck at it in most cases, but I hope I still got the key points across somehow XD

Let’s get into it!

(Beginning of the ask)

Bela

She adores you, with all her heart

Bela loves you so much, each part of you

She tries her best to make life as comfortable as possible for you

Even if she can’t always relate to your struggles, she always attempts to ease them

The moment you open up about some of the things troubling you, Bela takes action

She takes special care to ensure the new uniforms are made of fabrics you approve and feel comfortable in, and orders them as soon as possible

Until their arrival, Bela has taken it upon herself to declare to everyone that you are not obliged to wear the old ones

Nobody dares to call you out for working in a shirt instead of the uniform, the order comes from Bela, after all, one of the highest of your superiors, right after Alcina

When the new uniforms are delivered, you can’t help but smile. They’re perfect!

Bela has the old ones disposed of, thrown someplace she can’t be bothered to know

Next, there are the tasks appointed to you

While she normally doesn’t get involved all that much in the staff’s business and shares a mutual respect with the grand chambermaid, she does interfere here

She requests that you are not given tasks in the kitchen as to not get overwhelmed by the loud noises

Nor does she wish for you to work anywhere near the basements

Of course, your lover would never allow you anywhere in the basements, even outside of work, even when she is lurking down there

It’s for safety purposes, most of all

Instead, you are usually appointed calmer places, such as the library or even the castle gardens or greenhouse at times

Bela is flustered whenever you remember to bring her a flower from the outside in winter

Aside from all these things, Bela is your shoulder to cry on, and your pillar to lean on

She never fails to reassure you how much she loves you, and how things you consider as flaws are endearing to her

She knows, sometimes you tend to be quiet, if not entirely mute

After a quick check in whether you’re all right, and you reassure her, she smiles widely

Bela treasures such silence, really

She enjoys to spend time with you, and sometimes silence is just what she needs

After all, the castle can be loud already, especially to her

Wrestling her screaming, kicking and bickering younger sisters all day and night often gives her a migraine

She loves simply cuddling in bed or sitting together, reading together or simply relaxing

Bela doesn’t mind your quietness, and she can easily either make conversation by monologing, or bask in it, even go as far as to close her eyes

She finds these moments precious

She knows nearly everything about you- all except one thing

Life among the staff

Bela doesn’t know of the torment you face, not quite

She doesn’t notice your anxiety when they make fun of you, doesn’t know about how uncomfortable you become when they poke you for fun

She doesn’t know an old uniform has been retrieved from the storage and switched with yours specifically merely to amuse the other staff members

You grit your teeth at the wrong fabric on you, the uncomfortable one that feels entirely too heavy and scratchy

No matter how much you search for the new uniform, it’s hidden far away beyond your grasp

Only when all your duties are done can your change out of it and back into your normal clothing, just in time for Bela to finish work and greet you with a warm smile

You don’t dare tell her, too worried what the other maids will do

After all, Bela can’t dispose of them all

Then there’s the noises…

How often you are brought to the edge of feeling overstimulated and overwhelmed when maids laugh and mock you, forks and knives in their hands as they slap them together

Like sticks hitting a drum, maybe

You are not oblivious to their laughter as you bury your head in your brown teddy bear and fluffy, blue arm sized blanket

Soon, you are indirectly appointed to the kitchens

Not by the grand chambermaid, nor by Bela

You feel uncomfortable at the hands grabbing you by the arms and leading you there

Their reasoning? If you don’t clean up, maidens will be hurt, and it will be your fault

Aside from this, with more hurt maidens and their panic increasing, so will the stress your girlfriend will have to face over trying to manage the castle

They know of your love for Bela, and often use it to have you do things you dislike

Such as picking up all the silverware from the wet sink, drying it in a towel of a texture you dislike, and putting them in the drawers

Their laughter and mockery rings out behind you while you’re made to finish their work

Still, as torturous as all of this is, their newest stunt is incomparable to it

As you find yourself hugging your stuffed bear yet again and cry into its fur at the loud laughter around you, you suddenly feel it tugged from you

Naturally, you try to hold on

Slurs are thrown at you. Mockery

You hear a particular loud cry, a maid calling you a baby, just before you’re suddenly sent back on the bed

You’re holding your teddy- as is the maid tugging it

Tears well up in your eyes as you hold its body, your eyes scanning the unattached leg now dropped to the floor

You feel someone snap their fingers right next to your ear and jump

More laughter

The women around you laugh and mock as you sink to the floor, your teddy and blanket held tight to you as you attempt to grasp the leg

It’s kicked in the corner of the room, and more laughter rings out when you crawl after it quickly

More harsh name calling, until eventually you grasp it

Unsurprisingly, you can’t just push it back on

You aren’t sure how much time passes until your girlfriend finds you

You aren’t even sure when you wandered off to Bela’s room. It’s as if your feet just automatically carried you to your safe place

She immediately swarms to you, her hands hovering by your arms

With a nod of your head, reassuring her it’s okay, she touches you

She immediately feels the change of fabric of your uniform. She knows, this isn’t the right one

Still, golden eyes set on the damaged teddy bear in your hands

Again, she waits for your permission before she pulls you on her lap, knowing you’re so distraught now

She grasps your hands and dries your tears, and gently holds the leg one one hand, the remaining teddy in her other

“He’s broken”, you sob, and Bela is quick to assure you

“Damaged, my dove, not broken”

She promises, she can fix your friend

And true to her word, she does

Urging you to change, she allows you to search her closet for anything that suits you

You watch with wide, hopeful eyes as she takes a sewing kid from one of her many shelves

Thankfully, your beautiful girlfriend enjoys branching out and learning so many new skills…

You watch with wonder as she adds stuffing back into the leg, and even allows you to pick a color to stitch it back together in

Dressed comfortably in her larger clothing and holding onto her pillows and your blue blanket, you watch as slowly, but surely, your friend’s leg is reattached

“He’s on bed rest now, you know”, she teases, hoping to bring a smile to your face

Bela portrays this picture of calmness for you, but rest assured, the moment she knows you’re completely calm and happy again, she will personally see to it that such actions are punished

She demands to know what has been going on with the staff, and offers you your own room, should you not want to move into hers

Bela smiles in self satisfaction as she hand picks the new recruits for cadou experiments, hunts, and, of course, Cassandra’s birthday presents ;)

Cassandra

She cares a lot about you, and is incredibly protective of you

Cassandra tries her best to make you comfortable

She knows, her fast, often dangerous and hectic movements can intimidate or scare away most. She doesn’t want that to happen with you

While Cassandra isn’t the best at listening, she takes in all you say whenever you are made uncomfortable by something

Such as the clanging of her weapons when she carelessly drops them all on a big pile

Her heart breaks a little when you cover your ears at the loud noise caused by metal hitting metal

Was she a dog, her ears would droop down

Instead, she immediately apologizes and tries to still the rocking blades

She makes sure not to clank them against one another again, instead is careful to place them down one by one

She grins widely whenever this earns her a kiss and a smile of yours

Her efforts are certainly not dismissed and ignored!

Then, there’s of course your like and dislike towards certain sensations

She can’t help but giggle when you fall into her bed the first time you touch it

She has all the perfect fabrics!

Cassandra is very picky as it comes to them, too

Her dress is tight, but soft

It doesn’t scratch along her skin and isn’t too soft to make her feel droopy. It’s just perfect to her

Her bed equals this

Soft, satin sheets she likes, and a few large pillows. Not too much, just enough for her to sleep comfortably

You love wearing her clothing. It’s perfect and doesn’t irritate your skin

In return, Cassandra doesn’t mind lending it to you, even if you don’t quite fit into it

All her clothing is custom made, such as Alcina’s dresses and the typical black dresses all three sisters like to wear

The crafter? None other than the famous other Lady of the village

Cassandra makes it a point to ask Donna for clothing made in your size. In return, she is ready to send across a few of the castle’s finest cooking ingredients

It’s working out well, and often she likes to surprise you with a new clothing item of your choice, made of a fabric of your choice

Cassandra doesn’t care for fabrics, merely the feel of them

She allows you to take charge whenever it comes to picking the right ones out

In the beginning, you worry Cassandra will mind your occasional silence

You’re all too happy to notice: she doesn’t

Cassandra talks often, but isn’t quite one for conversation

She likes monologuing, knowing you’re listening to her as she rants about her hunts and her sisters

She doesn’t take your silence as disrespect, though at times randomly reminds herself to check in whether you’d like her to keep talking or stay silent as well for some peace and quiet

She likes to bask in such silence sometimes, to have her head on your lap and play with a few of her flies while you stroke her soft hair

Another thing she’s surprised you by is regarding your stuffed animals

While she hasn’t quite got the connection to them you have, she respects it

Though, she will not allow all of them in her bed. She wants that space all to herself

Still, she is mindful to keep a corner of the bed empty for your stuffed animals, and only growls playfully when you shower them in love, subtly reminding you to place a kiss to her forehead, too

She can’t help but be a little clingy sometimes, after all

Cassandra doesn’t fault you for preferring plushies to humans. She isn’t exactly a fan of them either and rather sees them as nuisances or means to an end, after all

All except you. You’re her precious little human

And Cassandra wants to keep you safe at all times

Yet, there are things even she cannot seem to keep you safe from

Such as the staff members

You know, Cassandra doesn’t get involved with the maiden’s affairs unless to drag one to the basement

She is therefore unaware of the pokes and laughter that follow you sometimes

The slurs whispered your way… you know Cassandra would have their heads for it, yet you can’t seem to bring yourself to tell her

And they know it all too well

Your heart hurts when they talk to you, and in time, you know the only reason for this are dares

Dares, from one maid to another, to talk to you

Entertainment, as they chat and mock you subtly, trying to see how long it takes you to notice

You try to brush it off. To not let it bother you

Cassandra surely wouldn’t let it bother her! She seems so powerful…

Their words regarding this sting. How she could be with someone like you

When you’re allowing them to walk all over you

Some freak, as they say

Their words haunt you hours later even, when your shifts end and you’re cuddled up against Cassandra as she monologues about this and that while showing you her newest dagger

Then, there’s the little stuffed turtle you like to keep in your pocket

It helps you stay calm sometimes, even with the uniform being scratchy and uncomfortable

Often they laugh as they snatch your turtle from you, instead throw her through the air, right above your outstretched hands as you attempt to catch your precious friend

All other stuffed animals are kept safe in Cassandra’s room. All but this one

No one would dare venture into her territory merely to taunt you

No maid is this foolish

You gasp when the turtle is thrown yet again, high in the air in the main hall, right above your hands even as you jump to reach it

Your eyes widen when your precious stuffed animal lands right in the fireplace

Thankfully, not a lit one. It’s summer, thankfully, and the castle is warm enough as it is

But it’s hot, and dirty, and smears black dust and ashes all over the green fur

“Freak”, they taunt as they pass you, crying and attempting to wipe the dirt off

Cassandra finds you easily, having heard your fast heartbeat indicating your panic attack even from the basement

You can merely look up at her as she kneels down, her gloves easily pulled down by her teeth as she holds the little turtle

She’s very careful no blood is smeared on it or you, and opts for staying a little distant upon realising she’s covered in it nearly from head to toe

You don’t seem to mind, you can only look at the turtle, impossibly small in Cassandra’s large hands as strong fingers rub over the dirt gently

A stain remains, and you smile watery. A battle wound, maybe?

The thought comforts you only slightly

You suppose, a scar, a battle wound, wouldn’t be the worst thing…Cassandra has them, after all, scars littering her backside from challenging fights

She won, in the end

Upon demanding what happened, and hearing your tale, Cassandra sees red

She wipes the back of her hand against her lips to clean her bloodied lips, then presses a small kiss to your forehead before she swarms off

In the days to come, plenty examples are maid

Maidens are set free only to be dragged back screaming and badly hurt, begging for forgiveness as they are killed in front of the others

Others are immediately dragged to the basement

And the remaining two that have started it all, are devoured alive in front of the rest of the staff, Cassandra’s warning screamed from their lips

Never, never, will she allow someone to mistreat you again

She keeps a close eye on you, and often opts for having a few flies buzzing around you when you aren’t with her

Daniela

Daniela is a hyper little thing, full of energy and love that she wants to shower you in

She’s very clingy with you, but also incredibly perceptive

More so than her other two sisters, even

She picks up on your slight grimace when it’s dinner time and the rattling of silverware irritates your ears

Without having to tell her, Daniela is more delicate in her movements with her fork and knife- she was the main source of this noise after all, smacking them together because she is generally too energetic to sit still

Instead, she merely swarms around excitedly and annoys her sisters until the food is served

She also notices- you don’t like every clothing item she has to offer

Some just- don’t take your pick, and at first she is a little hurt

She doesn’t understand why, and worries you might think she has horrible taste

Or perhaps don’t want to wear a gift of hers altogether

Daniela tends to overthink fast, and quickly becomes a little hesitant to shower you in gifts when you don’t seem too happy with the two dresses she’s brought you

While she is all for comfort, Daniela doesn’t mind scratchiness of her gowns

Being put in so many of them for balls and events hosted by Alcina, she has learned to ignore the urge to scratch and the annoying itch caused by scratchy sleeves

Overall, she still loves gowns, and isn’t bothered by differences in textures

When you explain to her that you feel differently about this, it’s a little difficult for her to understand

However, Daniela cares about you, and if you tell her this fabric is bad fabric, she’ll tear it to pieces for you, as though you’re her fair maiden and she is the knight protecting you from the fierce dragon!

She often makes slashing noises as she does though, a little too invested in her fantasies

You don’t mind

You think her creativity and fantasy endearing, even

Daniela is curious, though. Often she will randomly swarm to you to ask whether something is good or bad, just out of curiosity, and maybe because she’s turned it into a game

She wants to see if she is getting better at telling what is good and what isn’t, so her surprises and gifts for you are ones you can actually enjoy

She brings you fabrics of gowns and shirts, food and drinks, and even once a very grumpy Bela to question whether her sister feels bad too

She claims she does, with a large, shit eating grin on her face, and you smile as her laughter is heard through the halls when she is chased down for such behaviour, likely made to sit and listen to another lecture of the blonde should she be caught

You find, you look forward to hearing Daniela complain about it

While Daniela can be very loud and hyper at times, and often enough you join in, she doesn’t mind times you’re quiet either

She had no trouble at all leading a conversation, either monologuing or talking for so long and so fast, there’s no way for anybody else to join in anyway

Often, when she notices you’re in a quieter mood, she’ll take control of the conversation until the other person leaves

In return, she only expects a smile, and a kiss to her face

Yet, as much as Daniela dotes on you and coddles you, there are others who are not as sweet

Others, who do not make you feel as welcome

Others, who dare make you feel as though you aren’t normal. Not “right”

The maidens at Castle Dimitrescu can be ruthless, sometimes, especially to outsiders

Being Daniela’s partner has made you an outsider

And having autism has made you their target

They thread carefully at first, knowing you are not only under Daniela’s protection, but by this also under Bela and Cassandra’s

Should they hurt you, it hurts Daniela, after all. Alas, you have three murderous fly women on your side

However…what they don’t know…

It starts off with a group of four who take, seemingly, immense pleasure in taunting you

Their hatred comes from being small minded, and jealous, yet knowing this does nothing to help you

They don’t understand- how come you get to wear a different uniform than them?!

How come you never have to clean up the table and wash the dishes and silverware?

How come you get to work in quiet, reserved locations and get to take so many breaks, while they are to work near the entrance to the dungeons, the screams of their fellow fallen maids taunting them

How come they fear for their life, and you never need to?

You are a target by far too soon

You often find yourself crying and hiding at your bed as they laugh and bicker about, silently wishing Daniela opts for a random visit and slays them all

She doesn’t, and won’t. She isn’t allowed into the maid quarters

Their shrill laughter and loud voices hurt your ears, and as you find yourself clutching one of the stuffed animals not tucked away in Daniela’s room- a grey, knit bear- they laugh even more

Soon, you are titled as a baby and inhuman for your affection towards the stuffed animal

You feel fear shoot through you whenever you don’t find him sitting at your pillow

Often, they wave the teddy in front of you, snickering and commanding this and that

They’re playing God, and for moments you feel as though they are the predators of this castle

With the wish to receive your stuffed animal again, you clean their beds and bring their plates, silverware and cups to the kitchens after supper

Usually, you receive your bear again

Not yet this time, it seems

“Go and get it, if you dare” they snicker as they throw it down the stairs to the basement

You gulp. You know, you aren’t supposed to go down there

No maid is, but especially you

Even Daniela has forbidden you from stepping in the cellars

You shudder at the memory of her truthful description upon being asked what lies down there. Monsters with swords and sickles, mold and blood, pain and the reek of the dead, corpses and torture chambers

But…your bear

You venture down as they snicker, and jump when the door clasps shut behind you

As tears sprint to your eyes, you hear a lock. No going back now, either way

You gulp at the loud whimpers and cries, and the distant screams and groans of the undead

It’s dark, and you can barely make a thing out

You jump when you hear a loud gasp from one of the cells and a hand reaches through the bars, as though to reach you

Immediately, you keep on running

More hands shoot out, some grazing your arm and dirtying your uniform, others mere inches away from your skin

You nearly trip a few times, the floor stony and littered with buckets, thrown over tables and chairs, dull knives and what not

It’s so dark, so that you can barely make out your own hands and the ones reaching for you

You shriek as a body bag drops in front of you, immediately taking off to run another direction

Again, you scream, when you run into something

A monster?! It’s so dark you-

“Uh-“

You blink at Cassandra’s voice, and upon opening your eyes, you find golden ones staring down at you

She seems almost unsure. You aren’t supposed to be in the basements, and were you anybody else, she would have already dug her sickle into you and called you a foolish prey for running right to her

But…you’re Daniela’s

You jump at a second gasp, and whine when another pair of golden eyes sets on you

Thankfully, these do not belong to Bela Dimitrescu. You recognize the light green colour shining through gold in them

Daniela!

She gasps when you run into her, quickly adjusting her hand so you don’t run right into the scalpel you can’t see in the dark

Immediately, her shock is covered by concern when she smells the fear surrounding you

She demands to know what you’re doing her, even if she feels flustered upon thinking you might have missed her and wanted to see her bad enough to venture into the cellars

Upon opening up about the bear, you feel her grasp your hand tightly

She promises, she’s going to find it with you

You nod shakily as Cassandra grins, having just received a reason to go upstairs and cause some more trouble along the maidens

With a lit torch held tightly in Daniela’s hand, it’s by far easier to navigate the dim basement

You realise the hands reaching out were maids, now backed far in the corner of their cells to avoid Daniela’s gaze

But the redhead doesn’t mind them. She is focused on finding your bear

And find him she does, after a while of searching

You nearly whimper when she holds it up between two fingers, the fabric soaked in blood and dirt and a rat having already started to eat away at its side

She hugs you tightly as she explains, it must be disposed of

It’s a major health risk by now, having been exposed to the mold of the basement and who knows what else

You spend the next couple of days entirely in her bed, cuddled up under the covers and crying your heart out between your other stuffed animals

At last, Daniela enters, a nervous smile on her face

You notice her hand behind her back, and lift your head curiously

“So, I know it’s not the same, but I told Bela what happened and asked her to fix it…”, she trails off

You can’t help but smile and cry as she pulls her hand to the front, a bear, knit nearly perfectly and in the exact same colour as yours, sitting in her palm

“She’s actually really good at this stuff. I made her make me an octopus. I named her Sally”

[deathbxnny]

Hi there! You asked some HSR angst, well here you go! can i request Jing Yuan and Blade x s/o who was the royal guard and prince/ss of Khaenri’ah.

More context on reader:

They were the second born child of Khaenri’ah’s Royal Family and part of the royal guards. So somehow during the Cataclysm the reader was transported to the HSR universe. They were VERY traumatized of just what happenend and had put up an upbeat and plucky personality as a coping mechanism for what happened. They traveled the universe for sometime before they met Jing Yuan/Blade and ofc learned of Aeons. They dont like the Aeons and any mention of them would get rid of their upbeat facade quickly. They associate the Aeons with the Archons that destroyed their nation, now they know they arent the gods that did it but they cant help it. Basically Dainsleif’s attitude to anthing archon related but much chiller? Bc again they’re not the same ones who destroyed their nation so their willing to give them a very small benefit of the doubt.

How would they react to their s/o revealing their past and immortality to them after they had snapped at someone for something (probably aeon related that hit a bit too to home?) and became distant towards everyone for while. They tearfully revealed their past and then later go on a rant about their hatred toward gods. Also how would their lover react hearing about the curse (The pureblood and the half blood/non blood khaeri’ahns) the people of Khaenri’ah received.

How would they react towards their s/o being suicidal because the erosion that the curse cause them to have is THAT bad they just wanted to die but cant bc they cant die from being murdered as they can self regenarate or from old age. (Think of the demons from kimetsu no yaiba, like when yushiro got his head decapitated, yeah im pretty sure their lover saw their head get regenerated like one time)

Hope you enjoy this angsty request and have a good day/night!

- Flower Anon 🌸

-----♡

A/N: I re-read this 5 times, but for some reason my brain refused to process any of it, so I hope this still turns out okay lmao... thank you for the request tho and sorry for the long wait.

Content: Angst, hurt/comfort, established relationships, some rough description of the Khaenri'ah curse thing, small mentions of reader being suicidal

Reader has no set pronouns!

((Not fully proofread))

-----♡

》Jing Yuan

Jing Yuan always silently questioned your past and often wondered why you were so secretive about it. However, he also respected your boundaries and therefore never pushed you for any answers, as he knew how sensitive some topics were. But when you one day just snapped at someone for the simple mention of the Aeons and God's, he started slowly piecing together your story on his own. It definitely also helped, that you eventually just spilled everything to him.

He was understanding and supportive, horrified to hear about the curse and it's consequences. He had heard of and seen many evil things, but this still shocked him. Especially after learning what the curse did to you as well. He was deeply upset when he heard about your want to die and despite understanding it, he still made sure you knew how important you were to him.

He tried making you see the bright side of it at least, as the curse gave him the opportunity to spend an endless lifetime with you at his side, something he deeply wished for. And he was glad, that he could, even with it being a horrible curse that allowed him to be.

-----♡

》Blade

Blade didn't really care about your past at first, as you never seemed to care about his. It was a mutual understanding between you two to just not mention it and try moving past it together, despite Blade's need for revenge. And at first, he was content with that, until he noticed your strong disdain for God's/Aeons. This confused him, as he didn't understand what it was that bothered you so much, until you eventually broke down and told him about it in a long rant.

He listened to you quietly, as you spoke about your people and their curse. About how you were sick of living and just wanted to finally rest. About how you were just really done with everything. And he understood you perfectly. He really did. Especially as he himself was cursed to immortality and wanted to die more than anything. The fact that you felt the same as him brought him more solace than anything in this world ever could.

But that's exactly why he also was so adamant on you continuing on even through your curse. After meeting you, he realised that immortality may not be as bad as he originally thought, especially when it's just spent with you. He'll help you get your revenge, as long as you promise to stay with him forever too.

-----♡

A/N: I'm genuinely praying this is even slightly coherent. Sorry for the wait Flower Anon and thank you again for the request!

[raspberrysmoon]

ok so. nobody cares but I DO!!!! so here are some fun facts about my biggest npmd au i curse the day !! :] names are colored/altered for their corresponding lord. red is 'generally evil'

it got long so. facts under cut <3 spoilers are very minimal but go check out my series on ao3 !! 'i curse the day' !!!! olease im insane over them !!

psst @bellqmione i did it. for you :]

- pete hates his horns with a passion. steph thinks theyre kind of cute when he doesnt try to shave them off or rip them out. pete would rip them out if he was sure they didnt connect to his brain like some goat horns do

- similarly, grace adores her eyes/newfound sight 99% of the time. until The Horrors. she cant bring herself to go back to camp idonwannabang.. or look the jerries in the eye

- ted has full custody over pete and acts as a pseudo parent. hes a solid 15 years older, and generally acts like a teen boy with pete. silly goofy guy who has some issues hes not ready to face and a tendancy to drink !

- jenny... is there. somehow. she misses ted a lot and genuinely wants to come back to hatchetfield for him. she just... can't

- steph and nibbly have a weirdly tight knit relationship. treats her like a lapdog. think a maltese with dyed-pink fur and you have steph

- grace is blinkys coworker. she has half as many eyes as him. blinky has 999 eyes. grace has 499.5. one of her eyes is mostly blind, but not entirely. she doesnt know this number

- richie and ruth Are There. so is max. none of our three know this. webby knows. wiggly and pokey know. they're the only ones. not even they themselves know that theyre still there. they lie dormant for now

- hannah, daniel and sophia are attached at the hip. the only reason sophia hasnt shown up yet is because shes rich and homeschooled. they see eachother more than their families. sophia and daniel are hannahs only outlet for webby, now, and theyre both quite familiar with her

- daniel can hold his breath for 10 minutes on average. hannah is the only one who can time him. this can get complicated when holding your breath stops time

- webby is trying desperately to reach lex constantly. lex is doing her best to ignore her, but its getting harder. webby needs something from her.

- grace has watched richies funeral 376 times. she's counted. she can recite to you exactly what each person says and does

- paul is having some trouble with his hearing after richies death. he wasn't that close with his nephew, but the loss is still hitting him. he can only hope its shock. something tells him its not.

- emma is also having trouble with her hearing. she has not told paul, and she will not tell paul. she will not be losing her hearing like her sister. even if it doesnt feel like thats the cause of it, she won't.

- speaking of, i made jane hard of hearing. i dont know why exactly it fits her in my mind, but it does. her and her family are mostly fluent or entirely fluent in american sign language, as is emma. she wears hearing aids

- the three learn sign language. from who? stay tuned and put your guesses down below ‼️

- alice has had vision problems since she moved to clivesdale a few years back. her vision was always bad growing up, and now its... perfect. shes having trouble keeping up the lie to everyone.

- bill and alice really do love eachother i swear. but she doesnt like him much. theyre trying. deb is too. they really are.

- jenny doesn't like the color yellow. she never has. teddy used to. she's not sure if he still would. it makes her head hurt to look at.

- pete hates pants. pete only owns pants. his basketball shorts are actually a pair of stephs, that used to be maxs.

- max is scared of the dark. this was a closely held secret in life. steph finds herself turning a nightlight on for him without thinking about it.

- max didn't have a funeral. his body wasn't buried- instead kept as evidence then tossed out when nobody came to collect it. jason, kyle, stacy and brenda had a small service for him by the lake when they were told he'd been murdered. jason was the only non-cop to see maxs' body after he was dismembered and left at the waylon place

- grace spends more time at the waylon place than she does at home. she finds a strange comfort in it now that it's completely off the market.

- the many quick-succession deaths put the waylon place and its haunting back into the forefront of peoples minds. the town is collectively afraid of it again.

- max is scared of the dark. the black is a very dark place. richie and ruth have yet to encounter the problem of darkness. in fact, ruth has been having some trouble with seeing past the stagelights in front of her

- ruth and richie have their own personalized rooms. a stage/large theatre, and a cozy little room with a fridge and a large tv. max does not get as pleasant of an afterlife as this.

- jerry grew up vegan. he's not sure what his parents would say about his diet.

[mydemonsdrivealimo]

You know, I'm a lurker here, I used to spend a lot of time on tumblr, loved Choices, specially Open Heart. I also wrote lots of fanfics, with Bryce as MC, and today I logged in and... Can I just say how sad it made me read about Bryce having depression? Sad but also understood, because you read his character so well. Everyone writes him so simple, charming and non-chalant, happy-go-lucky; without realising he has a lot of issues. The thing with his parents it's BIG. The thing with Keiki is real stuff, but everyone writes him as if he just cares about his hair and surgeries, but he's more than that. So you writing about Bryce struggling, having his house a mess and not being able to do anything for it, and having a partner that helps him with it without recriminations... It just... Made my heart swell. It's what my MC would've done, because they have struggled pretty serious too. So. Yeah, thanks for this, for giving him humanity even if he's just a goddamn Choices' character. Bryce deserves the world. Deserves being supported in difficult times, so thank you for showing him in such a true light 🤍

have been screaming over this all morning bc YOU GET IT!!!

"even if he's just a goddamn choices character" THIS IS WHAT I MEAN. he is a short lived character in a mobile story app that is currently in its downfall. but he's the character i, and others, choose to write ab. choose to create for nearly every day. even though he IS just a choices character, what he represents, to me, is more than that. his character had so much potential (more than pb probs meant to give him) and like. i needed to do something w it

i am the first person to say a character has to have some good trauma for me to truly enjoy them, and he is exactly that. he has a fucked up family and somehow he came out of that "unscathed"? like all he is is a pretty surfer boy w good hair and obnoxious confidence? no!! that is coping baybeee. he is literally hated by so many people in canon and truly does not have many close friends besides mc. like. his character is SET UP for this shit. yeah im gonna pack him full of issues bc he HAS THEM!!

his dysthymia is a super important part of his story (in my hc) bc it is so easy to mask. he puts on a confident face for everyone all the time bc then they don't ask questions. but being at home alone all the time? being independent since 17-18? separating himself from his family so suddenly that it becomes habit for him to avoid the potential for that closeness again? it's gonna hurt him

and on top of that him being demiro is very hard in relationships bc most people dont get it so even in that sense it makes it difficult for him to make connections. people would rush him into relationships he didn't really care about so yea it was gonna crash and burn. obvi

so to have an unknown like that where all of his friends are possibly leaving including the only person he's every truly wanted in both a sexual And romantic way? not gonna go so smoothly for him

[hajihiko]

Hello! saw you were doing angst hc's, so whenever you have the time, may I ask for some Akane ones? shes my favourite srd2 chara and I utterly adore how you draw her :]

Yesss. But shes a tragic bitch so be warned alright

(hey! I drafted this ages ago but it disappeared, somehow it's back!)

She didn't super want to go to HPA, but being able to earn enough to support her huge family was way more important than what she felt like. Being the Honour Student of her family is a huge weight though and it's only because she doesn't like think about it that she doesn't stress about it.

Her authority figures have been so goddamn garbage that she was wary of almost all the teachers, in her own seemingly chill way

Akane and Hiko are climbing enthusiast buddies! Akane because (canon) climbing means easier escape from people who wanna hurt her, and it's impossible to catch her once she gets good at it.

Once she gets real close and friendly with her class / the Survivors, she lets them serve themselves food first. She did the same with her little siblings. But if you're not that close with her she's real defensive about food.

Used to do that thing where she smuggles food into her room and hides it, in case she ever needs to scrounge again. Unfortunately it got stinky after a bit, but Teru helped her choose the best non-perishables.

Holds the record for Youngest To See A Dead Person.

Someone- dont remember who- said that she has her extremely good Danger Sense because she had to learn real fast to tell who wanted to help her and who wanted to hurt her. She can't always tell when people are being mean, because who cares, but her gut feeling is amazing at letting her know if someone's about to put her or hers in danger.

She likes fighting, genuinely, like she just thinks it's fun and makes sense. But also, she likes the idea of being an amazing fighter because she likes thinking no one can fuck with her.

This is why ghosts are scary. Can't beat them! Can't fight them at all. Also they just are, especially when you're a kid in a house with weird noises and no lights and no adults to help you sleep.

She was surprised when she and Nekomaru were doing their thing, and she told him to back off / not touch her, and he just. Did? Immediately? And apologized even? Even though he could easily overpower her at that time. Nekomaru is very large and very strong but very kind and gentle and it's confusing but like in a good way.

It's really hard for her to realize how messed up her childhood was. She got so good at Not Thinking About It, and now it's hard to break that habit, nevermind to confront the fact that every available person in her whole life failed her.

That said, she wouldn't take anyone else getting harassed lightly. It's just not a big deal that it happened to *her*, because well, she's so strong and only got stronger! And she's fine now see? So it's no big deal! <- not true, but how she thinks.

She's skipped so many things other people consider basic, like celebrating holidays or having a boyfriend/girlfriend or shopping for school supplies, etc. She's got a lot of practical skills though, but she mostly didn't have a choice with those.

She never really developed much of a fashion sense until much later in life, until then she just dressed how her mom would dress them both (or ... Other men). Turns out she likes athleisure wear and has a much more mature way of dressing than you'd think (like the prom pics!)

[prototypelq]

DMC Questions Anon here!

There are many who if you ask them will say they aren't quite convinced that Sparda's dead. What is your opinion on the matter? If you believe he's alive, what do you think has been going on with him all of these years?

Even you you believe he's dead, let's just hypothetically say he's making his return after DMC 5. How do you think this will go? What do you think he's been doing? How will he react to this new world and all that's happened? Most importantly, how will other characters react to his return?

Hi, my favouritest bestest nicest anon with the best dmc asks!

Sparda is proooobably long dead, but I really hope he isnt and we could see him return. Many fans are against this, as Spardas return might put in question the accomplishments of his sons, and raise a hellton of questions, and yeah, I want those questions raised and I would love to have answers for them! I am in DMC for the family drama TM and Sparda suddenly returning 36 years late for his sons would be one hell of a family drama.

Both twins carry their daddy issues very close (both living in their fathers shadow, Vergil having tried to live up to it which lead him to catastrophic failure, and Dante hating his father and by extension his demonic heritage for abandoning their family, which became the core of Dantes huge abandonment issues) and I dont think either of them ever worked these through, so they could really use some brotherly beating-the-shit-out of their father cause he deserves it, and theyll never go to therapy, so this is their closest analog. Nero will get another family crisis, also a possible religious crisis? Basically, not a single sparda can figure out their issues until they start hitting them in the face, so Sparda returning will really benefit all of them.

This goes with a huge caveat that Sparda has somehow lost his powers (excluding immortality???), or at least, the twins are more powerful than him at the moment (because theres enough OP silver demons in this series we literally cant have another), AND that he could not have returned sooner/was captured/lost in time/literally any reason he could not have returned to his sons. There is a (you guessed it) ru fanfic called Hapless Eva (Бедная Ева by xenosha @th-xeno ), where this exact scenario is explored. It's one of the best fics for DMC I've read, and affects my opinion on the topic greatly, so its obligatory to mention it here. I completely agree with the author that the twins will be furious with Sparda, and in their anger they wont let him to even try to explain what happened. Nero will be in shock, and the raw amount of hatred he saw from twins will only prolong his confusion and make him concerned about them, his anger at Sparda will come sometime later. Sparda, of course, will be hurt by behavior of his sons, but he and Nero dont have as much issues with each other and will be very mutually curious. So, once again, Nero comes to the rescue of his idiotic family members, and he will be the bridge between generations all of them need.

The ending here is much more ambiguous though. DMC 5 ended with twins cooperating and Vergil giving Nero a very personal item, so all the parties had good intentions for each other, thus their relationships to each other could be mended (through effort, failure, pain and effort again). Sparda going off radar is the starting point of ALL the issues in the franchise, literally all of them can be traced to Sparda missing, and this is a much much worse case than anything else in the series. The ending here depends on Spardas own feelings on his absence and the circumstances of it. Since I want just tons of (hurt/)comfort for all spardas, I will hope they can overcome their issues and accept Sparda back into the family.

Another thing Sparda returning would add is LORE. PLEASE. Give me Hell lore, gimme demonic anatomy lore (not in a smutty way, in a biology way if possible), gimme demonic culture, gimme more awesome demon designs, gimme Sparda backstory, gimme Mundus backstory, are they twins too? How the hell was Dante able to beat Mundus in DMC1, but couldn't beat Urizen in DMC5? Was Urizen stronger than Mundus??? Where is the tribe of Cerberuses located, please, I want a three-headed elemental doggo lair location to pet them all

yeeeah, there are a lot of inconsistencies and plot holes in DMC lore and Sparda returning could Hopefully provide some answers.

[miranda-mundt-art]

Wow, so I just finished reading Muted. I loved it. I was doubtful at first because, I don't know, I'm just overly-critical for no reason, but as the story went on I really fell in love with the characters and the storytelling. Muted is great.

So, you don't have to respond to this (I know many creators don't view "shipping culture" among their fans too favorably), but I am so curious to know- what is the state of Avaline and Raum's relationship?? I mean, maybe it's obvious, but I can't really tell, I'm not sure why.

Is Raum more of a close, supportive friend to Avaline? Or is their relationship more of a romantic one? Have you thought of their future at all? I am so curious.

Also, (sorry to ask so many questions, feel free to disregard any of these if you do choose to answer) how come Raum was willing to get so deeply involved with Avaline and her family drama? Is he just a kind spirit?

Oh, now I have lots of questions about how the demons work in your world, but I'll cut myself short for now. Thank you so much for taking the time to read this, and thank you so much for putting in so much effort to create such an impactful and visually appealing story, I've actually been inspired quite a bit while reading Muted.

Just once again, thank you so much! I really admire your work.

Thank you for giving it a chance and I'm very glad you ended up liking it!!!

For your questions: I consider them to be in a relationship. TBH I didn't want to show them to be traditionally kissy/lovey in a romantic way because 1. Avaline isn't really ready for that and 2. I'm aroace and so is my wife, we don't kiss and we don't even sleep in the same room but I love her totally and completely. I feel like ... you know. Fandoms, from what i observed, only seem to feel validated in their ship when there is a Kiss involved like the happy ever after of a disney movie. That's what signifies to people 'this is a couple', but tbh I think kissing is gross LMAO so while I am fine doing it with the trio I wanted avaline/raum to be outwardly more like how chase and I are.

And this isn't a knock at your question - just an observation that I found funny when i see people react to Raum and the way he helped out.... I dont' think I had any comments about how Dendro dove head first into helping Camille's family drama - or they didn't think that it was weird that she was so interested in helping. or at least not as any. To the point where multiple ppl thought that he was somehow Avaline's reborn twin because they didn't understand how he'd care any other way (he's not. he's older than avaline lol)

Demons are summoned basically based on what the summoner's deepest needs are. Avaline needed the truth of it all but she also needed someone to support her and be in her corner unequivocally. Raum wanted to be that, because he's a nice dude, but also with his abilities he could see how badly she needed that. also, dendro/raum know the likelihood of them actually getting hurt/killed by humans is next to none. (See - dendro getting her arm ripped off and then just sticking it back on) So there is a security in them knowing that they'll come out of this alive no matter how crazy it gets lmfao hope this.... helps? LMAO or at least gives you some more to chew on hahaa

[ladynightlark]

26 years I have lived and never, even once, using or having a tumblr account. But now, here I am, just because I'm so obsessed with your fic that I want to grasp at anything related to it.

Do I have a question? Let's see, let me come up with something.

Ok, first, how would you actually describe Kaigaku in the fic? I just have this mental image of him just being Tengen but with a scowl and less flamboyant. Basically, a huge guy, but somehow I feel is not quite right.

Second, how did you approach writing the fic, I imagine you have a general layout of thing but how specific or unspecific is it? I have some fics under me and I want to make the jump and write a long fic, but just dont know how to approach it. It's, as expected, a Kimetsu fic.

And third, with spoilers of the fic I guess, who the hell is the muscular girl!? No, no. Don't answer that, I swear, my hair is already going white because of a family genetics, and you are not helping.

So third, the Tamayo swap and Demon Zenitsu, just wow, those two things, the build up, the Little clues leading to them, how did you reached those ideas?

I have this little theory born out of hope and naivity, that Zenitsu will be human again, you know because of the whole maybe in another life, and to preserve the ships. I'm not gonna bet on that one, I would actually lessen the whole tragic vibe, but what do I know.

And I find hilarious the idea that of all the fics I read, this is the only one where Tamayo and Yushiro are actually in a relstionship, assuming is like it was with the Ubuyashiki in canon. Yushiro must be really happy with the children... I need to stop trying to compare your fic to canon so rigidly.

AHHH THANK YOU SO MUCH!!!

I’m so glad you’ve been enjoying the story! I’ve loved all your comments and happy to see you on tumblr as well!

Now to answer your questions:

(Spoilers for up to Chapter 11 of Children of Fuchia Light and Demon Fire + Vauge Manga Spoilers)

Kaigaku is certainly one of the characters I’ve had the most fun outlining and planning his role/backstory in this AU. If you’re caught up, then you know that while certain elements to his history have remained, some important changes have been made that have pushed him towards development in a (slightly) positive direction.

My original intention when writing Kaigaku was for him to be a sort of weird fusion of Tomioka’s loner personality and imposter syndrome with Shinazugawa’s aggressiveness and need to keep people he cares about at an arm’s length to protect them. But slowly as time went by and I worked more on delving into his new character, I was able to evolve Kaigaku into someone that I hope was a bit more complex.

The main takeaway I’m hoping I can implement with Kaigaku’s character is that it’s honestly up to the reader to decide if they think he’s worth defending.

Kaigaku has done many shitty things in his life, and as much it will later be revealed his reasons for doing SOME of these things, there is no excuse for them.

The difference between him and his canon counterpart is that here, he’s FINALLY facing the consequences of his actions and being hit with the realization that he’s hurt others and ruined so many lives of people that took a chance on him. The smoke has finally cleared from his eyes, and he’s hit one of (if not the) lowest points in his life. He was saved from committing one of the greatest sins known to mankind, and got what he thought he wanted, but at such a high cost that he realized it wasn't worth it at all.

He knows he messed up big time, and is left with nothing but an overwhelming emptiness that he barely knows how to cope with. I won’t spoil everything, but shortly after becoming a hashira, he finds a new purpose in his life, a reason to keep fighting, and clings to that as the new Thunder Pillar.

He is in many ways like Shinazugawa and Uzui, being loud and angry when provoked and putting on a front to keep people from seeing the real him. But he also becomes like canon Tomioka, in that he doesn’t see himself as above the other hashira, knows his life isn’t worth anything, and accepts that he is a coward who will never change but still tries to do some good with the time he has left.

Now, writing this fic took A TON of time and planning ahead. I didn’t even start writing the first chapter I think until maybe a month or two before it was published. The idea for the fic itself came (I believe) maybe the summer that Mugen Train hit theaters when my hyperfixation on the series had reached an all-time high (lol).

Honestly, one day I just opened up my Pages App on my computer and started jotting down scenes and ideas for this AU. I still use it to this day, but basically whenever I had an idea for a scene/fragment for a conversation, I’d jot it down.

One of the biggest pieces of advice I’ve gotten from my writing professors at college is to just write everyday. It doesn’t have to be a whole story/chapter, or even ten or five pages. Even if it’s just one page, one paragraph, heck, one sentence, that’s progress! It’ll slowly become easier to build up a consistent schedule for yourself, and soon you’ll look back and see how much you’ve accomplished.

I apply that here too. One day, I may write a paragraph or a page of the next chapter. Another, I’ll work on a character bio I left half-finished or jot down a quote/bit of a scene I want to use in maybe the next book or chapters from now. Even fun things like ranking my hashira based on popularity amongst their peers or who’s strongest overall counts!

If you are starting out, I HIGHLY recommend creating a rough (and I cannot stress this enough, ROUGH) draft of a timeline of how events will unfold. It can be a huge paragraph summary with no spaces about how much you’ve thought the idea through, or a bullet-point outline going chapter by chapter if you want! Then, slowly, work little by little fleshing it out until a story starts to come together.

Nothing says it has to be completely finished either for you to start publishing. I’m still trying to figure out finer details about what will happen in Book One while also debating still how I want certain battles in the Infinity Castle Arcs to go down.

Sometimes, it even helps to have a few docs dedicated to certain elements. For me, I have my ones for writing chapters, one for character bios (containing info such as their age, appearances, weapons of choice, background, character arc ideas, etc.), one for keeping track of major timeline events, and one for just putting future ideas down (the Pages one mentioned before).

Ultimately, it’s up to you! But start with something small, and work on it a little bit more each day. It may be hard, but seeing all that you’ve accomplished will be very rewarding!

For this one, I’m going to keep my lips sealed. Simply because her identity will certainly be surprising, and I’m still planning a lot of her character since I don’t plan on her being a major player in the AU until much later.

The swaps took a lot of planning to do, but a lot of it had to do with the fact that I was REALLY nervous people wouldn’t like those decisions.

For Tamayo, this comes from my experience of never having read a fix-it or role-swap AU where she was head of the Corps. I’ve seen one or two where she takes on Muzan’s role as the demon king, (and I believe one where she even became Nezuko’s cultivator), but never as a leader for the demon slayers.

Based on what I’ve read of the manga and seen of her in the anime, I see quite a few similarities between her and Ubuyashiki, especially when it comes to strategy and just having compassion for people in general. She was so awesome during the Infinity Castle Arc, and I wanted to do a little more with her character here while giving her a fresh role with some new motives and positions of power.

It won’t be for a while, but if you’ve kept track of the small details shared in the most recent two chapters of the story, then you can probably start to piece together how exactly her character/story has changed and the future paths that may align with them.

Plus, I thought the cats would be a fun mix-up! Not to mention giving our favorite fluffy cat messenger Chachamaru a bigger role in one KNY fic!

As for Zenitsu, I went back and forth on this a lot. I liked his character in canon, and I was initially planning on having his spirit be released after Gyokko’s death (like with canon Sabito and Makomo). However, as I wrote Chapters 6 and 7 with him, I realized that I wanted to do more with him, especially with how important he became not just to Nezuko’s training, but to her growth as a character. In a way, he was her goodbye to the rest of her childhood she lost to the demon attack. And yet, he helped Nezuko find her center and better understand the training she was struggling with for so long.

His importance to her character and the person she has become cannot be overstated in this AU, but the same can go for Kaigaku as well. After all, Zenitsu’s “death” ended up being one of the most traumatic/life-changing moments in Kaigaku’s time as a demon slayer.

To him, Zenitsu proved that although he was a coward, he was willing to stay and defend his family, even when against an unimaginable evil that was surely going to kill him. And by staying alive as a demon, Zenitsu has become living proof of the shameful, cowardly person Kaigaku is, and will have to eventually face the physical manifestation of his consequences.

With the final confrontations that can come from Kuwajima, Kaigaku, and Nezuko, I realized that I can certainly do a lot more with him in this position. Zenitsu impacted each of their lives in some capacity, and him being alive is going to have major repercussions on them in the final arcs. I haven’t finished planning out everything related to those encounters, but I certainly have thoughts about how I want to conclude his arcs with them (and how it will affect the Thunder Fam now and in the future).

But I won’t spoil anything about your theory, so just wait and see…

And regarding your last question, I’m so sorry to say, but Yushiro and Tamayo are NOT together. If you recall, Yushiro refers to the kids as “your children” rather than “ours.” Here, he’s sort of an extra hand/servant with a devout loyalty to Tamayo (and maybe holding some feelings towards her).

Plus, since Tamayo did have a husband in canon, I thought it would be fun to include him here as well (but more on him will be revealed later). I will say he will be an OC since we have no info on him, but I do have some ideas planned for his character. He probably won’t appear until Mugen Train events (similar to Amane), but he and Yushiro will sort of share the same role of supporting Tamayo as she goes through with her duties as Head of the Corps.

Thank you so much for your questions! Let me know if there’s anything you’d like me to go a bit deeper with, or if you have any other questions! Answering these always makes my day!

[abaharashi]

I was 27 when i first discovered Night in the Woods. I was piqued by its art style and charm. I had been needing something to jist BE with. I didnt newd achievements, i didnt need scores or mechanics. I didnt need difficulty or grandiose stories that stretch across the stars and peirce hearts unseen.

I needed a game i could sit with. Take my time and just relax, and enjoy.

Gregg was a favorite early on. Its easy to see why. Everyone should have a Gregg in their life. But i quickly grew attached to Bea. I was drawn to why she waa so...snide with Mae. And given their supposed history i felt so inclined to learn more aboit Bea. And try to reform what friendship was there before things when caput.

Im not going to talk about the rest of those adventures or stories. What i want to talk about is how i am now 3 years into my transition, and playing this game through for the 3rd time now...and its so fucking cathartic in a way.

I related to Mae alot, given how i felt when i was 20. I dont have derealisation but i do get anxiety and depression. Its been notoriously bad recently.

And in a world entering the year 2024 on calander, with so much going on all the time, everywhere. I know i can go back to Possum Springs. And just try to emjoy life and get through another day.

Its not real, but i cant get out much. Adulting will do that to you. Capitalism has made it difficult regardless of age. And those trips with Gregg to the park and having a mini knife fight. Or going to the mall with Bea and shoplifting because "cool kids stickin it to the man" or finding out why Angus doesnt talk with his family much these days.

It brings me back to a time when things did seem uncertain. When i was scared and anxious. But when i also had this bravado to see another day and put 1 foot infront of the other. Because Life.

Those days are so difficult now. You go to work and then feel like super heated glass being doused in water. And you cant stay at work. You cant. Youre akin to a mannequin at that point. You have to go home because youll end up hurting yourself somehow, intentionally or otherwise.

And this great sadness overtakes you and its joined with mania and you just...dont know how youll get through the day. Or if you even want to wake up the next day.

~~~~~~~~~

I've been listening to the NitW OST for the past.... 2-3 days now. And all the tunes are so...simple in their construction and melodies. But they hold this special place in my heart. Maes House especially. It reminds me that my house and family are not like Maes. And i wish they were. Atleast in how the game portrays them presently. I cant even go upstairs to get food unless i cover up now or dress in modest fashion because transition had made people uncomfortable around me expressibg my body in ways i nevwr could before. Not in sexual fashion but showing a bit more skin and wearing tighter clothes and such. And its an insidious uncomfortable they demonstrate. They dobt say it vocally most times to try and be respectful i guess. But i can feel those thoughts burring into me and the....velcro fuzzy distortion that builds between us.

I cant be myself and they don't want me to, because it makes them uncomfortable.

So ive been going back to Possum Springs. And talking with Gregg and reading his enthusiasm helps alot. "I have a friend whos super supportive and would punch someone out for me"

"But hes not real"

I need him to be. Ok? I need Gregg to be real. I need Possum Springs to be real. I need that feeling to be real for me again. A world where im not so...beaten by life and wanting to hope for a better day bit having to fight tooth and nail for every good day i have. Where i dont have to worry about the financial burden of debts, or the worry that this procedure will set me back an additional 20k.

I just want to feel that youthful joy and energy again.

[compassionatereminders]

hello kat! i hope you are doing really well 💗 i wanted to talk about something and i also wanted your opinion on it. i had an online friend from another country (like a neighbour country but its actuallt supposed to be our enemy. that never fazed me or him.) we became close friends over time. we first started talking on twitter in 2016 due to being in the same fandom. he was 4 years older than me. during those years, i had a crush on him and then it faded. i also learnt more aboult my sexuality and realised i would never be happy with a guy (i thought i was straight the entire time so 😭) anyways it was .. "toxic" at times in the sense that i had an unhealthy attachment + he acted oblivious regarding my feelings. fast forward to the pandemic time, we grew even closer. he started sharing things with me related to his family and life in a more casual way on his own. in late 2021, he ghosted me for a month straight. i was hurt and told him how worried i was due to covid etc but i continued to talk to him. this happened again in 2022, and i told him that if it happened for the third time, i would not be able to take it. it happened again. and i lost trust. he asked for a chance while telling me about his sick grandfather. so i gave it to him reluctantly. fast forward to december 2022, i was extremely su*cidal and had been since september 2022. i was in a really bad condition but somehow gave my finals in october. i spoke to him about it during that time and he just gave me some responses which made me feel like he didnt care or yhat he didnt understand and did not even want to. i was in a really bad place. and then he ghosted me again. i cpule not take it and ended up blocking him on whatsapp because i was trying to survive. january and february 2023 werw horruble (i am still a student and i had all these mid sems and vivas and projects that i could not bring myseld to do but i had to.) i unblockef him in march. my birthdya was on the 25th and he sent me a birthday message. i replied. and then on the 26th i told him i wanted to end our friendship. he said he had texted me while i had blocked him in january. his grandfather died in january. i told him i wouldnt have blocked him if iw ould have known about his ciecumstances. he told me he thought i had given him a chance. i told him, what else was i supppsed to do? then i accidentally told him that my college friend had blocked him and he values privaxy a lot. i .. proceeded to tell him how it went down (this was so so impulsive and i am so ashamed and guilty.) and he was like wth are you talking about. we have been friends for 6 plus yeats and you are telling me your friend blocked me? he said if uou dont trust ne there is no point in dragging this friendhsip or whatever we jave rn, and said his goodbye. i had my final exams going on (i falied in 3 of those october exams and had to give them again, so this time my ass was om the line. i need to pass in all subjects this time or else .. i will have to repeat the entire year.) so i sobbed a lot after reading his messages. tried to control. gave my exams which were egery single day somehow. they ended4 days ago. and then i decided i would text him back. on the 10th. with a cool mind. and trying not to say something wrong. also because i wanted to give him some space and figured he wpuld be amgry and woildnt want to talk to me. but he blocked me. and im not complaining, because its fair enough. its just that .. i was going to teply. maybe he thought i dont care or im not bothered but i do. and i am. i just wanted to apologuse to him and wanted him to know that i cared for him. im not sure i put it in yhe best way in this message but yeah .. i cant stop thinking about what was going on in his mind when he blocked me. i know i was wrong. but now im wuestioning my perception in general, and ami a bad person? is there something fundamnetally wrong with me? im just so .. i hate myself for this.

You're not a bad person, but it honestly sounds like it's time to let go of this "friendship". Because it doesn't sound like either of you have been happy with it for years. You obviously have different expectations and investments, and you'd be better off looking for friends who actually desire the same level of connection as you do

[kuuyandere]

eeheee,,,thinking bout my pretty lovely,,me just need someone to ramble 2 about him ehee,,,he so prettyyy me wanna giv him sm kisses and worship him as his lil devotee and let him play with me like a dollie <3 <3 ehee he so tiny but me somehow ended up as th small one in our relationship role wise and its cute,,its a nice break from th act me put up and me can be all mindless just for him <3 <3 eheee we're kind of on a break from our yancore reblogging and obsessiveness 2 make sure our love doesn't become toxic but me miss being obsessed with himmmmmmmmm :< me wanna be his protective dollie who looks so sweet and innocent and sweet but if you hurt my angel or even look at him wrong I will never leave you alone and not in a good way <3 <3 <3 eehee sry me rambling about my love, me just wish me could be more protective over him but we're in different countries :< me planning 2 move 2 his country someday or atleast visit sometimes but realistically with how my financial situation is and how my family is i could never have enough money to even visit him,,its sad :< I want to go see him and cuddle him and make him feel like the absolutely perfect angel he is </3 waaa srry this is an aimless ramble about my lovely angel because he's taking a shower rn and I'm sad because I dont want him to ever leave me aloneeee :<

- 🎀 Dollienon 🎀

(by the way as a bit of a response to the last ask I sent yesterday: you can call me Nia and yes my lovely is amazing <3 <3 me just also have a bit of a side lover whos,,,not tht great,,,,me dont wanna leave him tho so me relying on my sweet angel rn, and u can call me Nia :3)

That is very sweet, Nia, I do hope you can spend more time with him in person one day; I imagine the long distance is tough. Perhaps he could visit you instead if he is able?

[thebimarauder]

All for the game blurb post canon that i thought of today 

A little angsty but when is AFTG not 

credits for characters go to Nora with a little twist 

TW: mentions of: depression, self harm, and suicide attempt 

Neil: “Hey drew is something wrong?”

Andrew: “No”

Neil: “Are you sure you look a little upset”

Andrew:  “Im fine junkie” 

Neil: “Arent you always telling me im not allowed to say that?” 

Andrew:  “...”

Neil: “Umm okay but are you sure im worried? Will you at least talk to bee dont you have an appointment tomorrow im sure she wouldnt mind-” 

Andrew:  “do you really want to know how i feel neil fine if you care so much ill tell you. i hate most people and when i say that i really do mean it. i hate myself. i hate the fact that i was born in the wrong body and that there’s nothing i can do about it. i hate that i have boobs, i have boobs neil what kind of man has boobs and a vagina. i hate that i have this body but it makes me a trans gay man which makes a lot of people hate me and that coincidentally is one of the only things i don’t hate about myself. i hate the fact that i’m so fucked up and no matter how hard i try or how much time i put in with bee nothing will ever make me better.

i hate Aaron for hating me when i saved him and although i understand i just don’t get why he still doesn’t care because i obviously care and even you being so stupid as you are can tell that i care but he can’t. i hate Nicky for giving away his whole life and happiness for me and Aaron but i can also never thank him enough and that makes me so angry with myself that i’m happy that he fucked up his whole life but i’m so great full and i don’t know how to tell him. 

i hate wymack for giving me a chance and agreeing with my stupid idea to bring along aaron and nicky. he should have left me to rot and moved on to some other fucked up teen. i hate kevin for pulling me into all of this shit but also for giving me something to live for because now i’m alive every day dreading getting out of bed because although everything is far better now than it ever has been before in my entire life i still feel a weight on my chest both metaphorical and physical that i can’t get rid of and now because of kevin i still wake up to that every day. i hate bee for not giving up on me because somehow it worked enough that i’m able to talk about some things now and i don’t want to talk about them or even think about ever again. i hate myself for scaring people but i’m not even doing anything other than protecting myself and my family and i am called a terrifying monster. i hate myself for not fighting enough when i was younger and giving in to my darkest thoughts but i also hate that i didn’t go through with them which makes me hate myself more bc who wishes to die and then hates themself for not going through with it even when they have never been happier.

and above all neil i hate you because before you i felt nothing and now i feel everything. the good and bad and it’s more than i can deal with and i don’t want to throw anything on you but i can’t do it myself because you made me open myself up and you made me weak. You made me get off of the meds and you caring about me hurts because why have i never gotten that before in life but it is also the thing that makes all of the hate go away for a minute because although i say it all the time i don’t actually hate you neil i think i love you and it terrifies me. so there i said it i’m falling apart and losing my marbles and becoming the hateful monster everyone thinks i am and it’s all because of you. and i can’t do it. “

Neil: “…drew “

Andrew:  “rabbit “

Neil: “fuck drew “

Andrew:  “…”

Neil: “i love you so much “

Andrew:  “no you don’t “

Neil: “yes i do. don’t you dare tell me that i don’t love you because i do i always have. you are the only one to make me feel this and it’s love. i’ve always known but i wasn’t sure if you were ready but drew i love you and i know things are hard and you don’t feel like yourself and there’s years worth of tension with your family but i promise we will figure it out together like we always have because you are andrew minyard the strongest person i have ever met and i am hopelessly in love with you and would do anything to make you as happy as you make me and i will never stop tying. “

Andrew:  “rabbit “

Neil: “you can’t hate yourself like that because then you are hurting the person that i love most in the world and i can’t let you do that “

Andrew:  “Junkie”

Neil: “No i mean it drew you are amazing and wonderful and so lovable and i dont know how everyone else dosent see it and i dont know how you dont see it. I mean think of all of the amazing things you have done, you saved aaron multiple times, you saved nicky from those guys at the club, you got matt off the drugs, you protected kevin, you saved me “

Andrew:  “No i-”

Neil: “Yes you did drew you saved me and i love you for you and for all of that and i will never stop loving you so you better stop hurting yourself bc you said you would never hurt me and you hurting yourself physically or emotionally hurts me “

Andrew:  “I will try “

Neil: “Good and i know you said you are not super comfortable with your body but i just wanted you to know that I think you are the most beautiful person ive ever seen, you are like a greek god, strong, golden, powerful, and so fucking hot and even if you have moments or days of dysphoria or dislike for your body i will never stop thinking that you look amazing. And if you ever want to talk about this in more detail i am always here and would love to learn how to help “

Andrew:  “Thank you rabbit “

Neil: “Of course drew and about the other thing i cannot imagine how hard it was growing up in the situations that you did but i am so so fucking happy that you did not go through with trying to end it. And i know that now you are feeling more emotion than ever before because of the meds and pushing everything down and that it feels so scary and horrible right now it also lets you feel the good and happy and love from family and friends and I know you may not like everyone but after the last few months everyone loves you me most of all so im really happy that you can feel that now and know how much we care “

Andrew:  “I… i dont know what to say i bottled everything up for so long and now its overwhelming and i just dont know what to do or how to make it go away again “

Neil: “If you knew how to make it go away again in a healthy way i think you would make millions because no one has gotten that answer yet but if you ever need anyone to hold you up when everything feels particularly heavy i am not going anywhere if you need to cry, scream, hide, be held i will be here no questions asked and do everything i can to help all you need to do is ask for help so that it dosent get to this low of a point again because i never want to see you so low again “

Andrew:  “Did i scare you “

Neil: “No drew never but you did worry me you were so out of it and not responding and then you exploded with all of these things that you have never brought up before and that made me scared for you “

Andrew:  “Im sorry “

Neil: “You have nothing to be sorry for now how about we curl up and watch a movie so you can have a break from the feelings and then we can talk some more later “

Andrew:  “Okay “

Neil: “Okay lay with me drew? Yes or no?” 

Andrew:  “Yes, kiss me junkie? Yes or no? “

Neil: “Always yes “