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little-red-toyota · 3 years

Text

Final good bye to the fandom

TW//Trauma, triggers, nsfw, sexual themes, rape, domestic abuse e.g.

This is gonna be a long ass post…

It has taken me a while to get emotionally strong enough to do this, as I will have to think back at some traumatic events from my past to address some of these things. That's why I waited until I got home from vacation with my family, as it will seriously affect my mood and mental health, and I want to be near my doctor and therapist, just in case.

And also, I know that the majority of those reading this will invalidate me and tell me I am making things up to clear my name. So, I literally have to torment myself to write a blog post people will just brush off as bogus anyway. But I will do it now that I am in safe surroundings. Then it will be off my chest, and I can finally move on. If people will continue stirring up the past, it will be their problem, not mine.

I think I should write one last blog post where I address everything. I have left the TTTE-fandom, but I will write that one as my final goodbye to the fandom. I just have to find out everything I've been accused of so I can properly address them all in order. I might leave out details of my life that is too hard for me to open up about. I know most of you will just invalidate me anyway.

1. The Stepney fic and glorifying rape.

2. My mafia-AU.

3. The Darin incident.

4. Being a pedophile. (Where do they get this from anyway??)

5. Running the NSFW-blog.

6. Drawing penises/boobs on trains. Drawing age-regression art.

Is there more?

Ah... yes! Faking my own suicide, of course!

7. "Faking" being suicidal.

8. Having the audacity to survive and go on living.

9. "Making up" my past trauma to justify writing fics to cope with it.

10. Being a nazi for being interested in WW2 history and for being Norwegian and having so-called nazi-letters in my last name (actual letters of the Norwegian alphabet).

11. Putting a white-supremacist flag (the actual flag of Norway) on my porch on family birthdays and our national day.

12. Being a danger to my daughter.

Anything else that needs to be addressed? What else am I being accused of? Send me a dm and I will add it to the post.

Okay, I will bump the Stepney fic down a bit as it is the most traumatic thing for me to address, I will save that one for last.

2 and 3. The dark au/mafia au where I gave some TTTE characters some rather dark and unpleasant character traits, and the whole incident with Darin and the pedo-Salty was addressed in this blog post written by my husband last year, so I am not opening that can of worms again: https://little-red-toyota.tumblr.com/post/623743183795470336/in-light-of-recent-events

Even the thing about Toby cheating on Henrietta is addressed there.

As for the au, I never fully explored it as I started losing interest in TTTE around the same time. I found other things to enjoy and TTTE faded into the background and the au was dropped before I even wrote any stories, apart from the one about Toby and Henrietta.

Some people claim, like this lovely individual, that most of the characters were rapists and pedos. No, not most. Only one of each. And I did not write more than one story about rape and suicide. Where does this person even get that from? Someone who told someone who had heard from someone who might have heard….?

Don't spread rumors unless you are sure that they are true.

Anyway, it's all addressed in that blog post in that link. I don't see how this mafia au is any worse than other dark post-apocalyptic or violent aus. It mostly was about the diesel mafia and their illegal businesses, not about sex, even if it did occur now and then. I find the substance abuse in it to be more problematic tbh…

4. Being a pedophile.

I don't even know how to defend myself against this one, as I don't even know why people think I am pedophile. They only throw the accusation out with no backing evidence, so I have no idea where it comes from or what it is that makes people think I am one.

Apart from one claim that I had faved "porn" alongside "strangers'" baby photos on DA. I addressed that earlier though. As DeviantArt doesn't sort what you click "like" on, it all ends up in the same folder unless you actively go through it and sort it into categories, which I don't bother most of the time. It also doesn't say WHEN it was added to your faves. So, I can have faved an artistic nude on Saturday, and then faved my friend's family photo on Thursday. It's not like I actively search for porn, get all steamed up and then look at pictures of children. WTF.

The few children I have faved are not from complete strangers, but long-term friends of mine. Yes, it is possible to have friends on the same website. I have actually met a lot of my RL friends through DeviantArt. I posted photos of my daughter when she was a baby, they would fave it and congratulate me. So, I did the same when they had a baby. As simple as that. Nothing weird or perverted about it. Due to people doxxing me last year however, I deleted the photos of me, my husband and my daughter from DeviantArt, so it's no longer there.

Porn isn't allowed on DeviantArt anyway. The nudes there are so-called artistic nudes, and for the most part I use them as pose-references when I draw as it is easier to draw a pose using a nude base and then dress them up once you got the pose right.

"The very naked" centaurs I have faved. Well, I like the mythological creature Centaur. And as far as I know… they do not wear clothes, so how are they NOT nude? Look it up, it's a horse body with a human torso instead of horse head. I don't see them as sexual, but what do I know? Maybe YOU do?

I have no sexual interest in children whatsoever.

5. Running the NSFW-blog on Tumblr and Twitter.

Yes. I was one of six people modding that blog. ONE of six, so I refuse to take the full blame here.

MerciResolution has openly admitted to being the founder, and she recruited me and some others to modify as the confession load became too heavy for one person to handle alone.

The original blog on Tumblr worked as follows: People would anonymously send a confession to our askbox, we would add a picture (sometimes photoshopped) to the text and post it on the blog. Always tagged as NSFW and with proper trigger warnings if necessary! The blog itself was also marked as explicit, so it didn't appear in searches and such.

For us, this blog was nothing but a joke. We did it for shits and giggles. If anyone took it seriously and thought we got off to the stuff that was posted, we apologize for that, but to us it was just for laughs. And we DID laugh a lot, you guys should have seen the weird shit people sent us sometimes!

We had fun and we never thought anyone would take it seriously, so we never thought of writing "joke" in the description or anything. It never occurred to us that it could be anything but a joke.

We also made a Twitter account for it, also locked for minors. But it was quickly hacked, and someone changed the password so we could no longer access it. We made another account and forgot about the old one…

After a while, the original mods started losing interest and the blog (both on Tumblr and Twitter) became less active. That's when a person I had known for years, and wrongfully trusted, came forward and wanted to take over ownership. So, the ownership was handed over to Russalita/Charlie.

That turned out to be huge mistake!

Me and the other mods had more or less forgotten that the blogs existed, when suddenly someone started bashing me and getting up in my arms over it. I got seriously confused as I hadn't been active on it in almost a year. But as it turned out, Russalita had removed the mature filters and made the accounts open for all the see. Even minors.

And as people knew I was one of the mods, they fired their guns at me. I can see why though, so I'm not pointing any fingers here.

I tried contacting her by phone, asking her to lock the accounts again, but she gave me a less than polite response, hung up and then blocked my number…

So, I decided to try to shut the blogs down on my own, trying the old passwords. It worked on the Tumblr-account, and I managed to password protect it, for some reason it couldn't be fully deleted. But the Twitter account had gotten its password changed by Russalita. I was however able to get a new password by logging into the e-mail we had used to create it. I deleted the Twitter blog fully. It can't be re-activated even if we wanted to. It's gone.

But it turns out the old, hacked one is still up and now open for everyone. And this one poses a huge problem as we have no way of getting into it to delete it. Only thing we have been able to do so far is reporting it and hope it will be removed by Twitter. So I only have one thing to say about it: report it.

I am no longer running any NSFW TTTE blog anywhere, nor do I have interest in doing so. So, if you come across one, claiming to be me or any of the other mods, it is false.

6. Drawing penises/boobs on trains. Drawing age-regression art.

People seem to believe I have drawn genitals on trains. I have never done such. Any art on the NSFW-blog with genitalia on the trains were sent in by confessors and was not drawn by me. Most of them seems to have been drawn by someone who goes by the name "The Lance".

I HAVE drawn things for the NSFW blog, but there were no genitalia in those drawings. I drew Frank of Arlesdale looking grossed out by (I don't know what the part is named in English, but it is connected to the brakes of the engine) that stick-like thing on his bufferbeam being wet from whatever the confessor did to him. I drew an over-exaggerated comical pic of a horrified Peter Sam getting his face licked by his driver, who had an enormous tongue. I also did a couple of manips. Mostly maniping engine faces on humans, like the one where Gordon's face is on a less than fit guy flailing his shirt around, and the Arlesdale smallies' faces on a movie poster from Magic Mike. One with Mr.Conductor in a giant bun while Pinchy is applying ketchup on him, for a confession about eating him, I think? I've done some more, but I forgot what it was, I only know I loved making them comical rather than erotic, as I saw the blog as a joke overall.

I HAVE also drawn aheago faces on engines because it looks hilarious. Though I have only drawn them on my OCs and the NRS engines, not TTTE characters.

Point is I have never drawn genitalia on trains. Ever. And I likely never will. It's not THAT much fun drawing NSFW stuff.

I see from this screenshot that a certain MK-Instrumentalist claim that all my personal art is age-regression art and infantilism…

Whose art have you been looking at? Because it's definitely not mine. I have drawn a couple of baby/chibi diesels… But claiming that all of my 700 or so artworks are depicting infantilism and age-regression stuff? I suggest people go have a look for themselves. I haven't drawn that. That MK-guy has been desperately trying to cancel me for ages for reasons only himself know. I don't even know the guy, and he doesn't know me, yet he wants to see me beheaded. Go figure.

I was for a long time bothered by some age-regressor on Tumblr who just wouldn't leave me alone with their weird asks, who tried to force themselves on me and some other artists here. They claim age-regression isn't a fetish, but the shit they sent to my askbox certainly looked like a fetish to me.

I don't want anything to do with that stuff. It weirds me out.

And no. I have never drawn pedophilia or rape art either. This guy can't even make up his mind on which one to accuse me of.

7 and 8. Faking suicide and having the audacity to survive and go on living.

As many know, after the intense shitstorm against me last summer, thanks to Darin, I attempted suicide. I didn't succeed as my husband came home early. I was gone for a few days but returned when a young boy reached out to me for help as he was being groomed and didn't know who else to turn to.

Recently I saw a screenshot where someone claimed me to have faked suicide, and that I just came back after a few days when everything had died down.

Wow.

I am truly sorry I survived.

I don't remember much from those days to be honest, but as the load became too heavy and the bullying too intense, piling up on 30 years of old trauma… I decided to end it. I must warn you guys who might get triggered now; there are detailed descriptions of a suicide attempt. Proceed with caution. People told me I was a bad mother among other things, having had those same thoughts myself (according to my husband, I am a good mom) and people just confirming them, I thought that my daughter would be better off growing up without me. I could have chosen a more effective suicide method, but I was afraid my daughter would be the first to find me, so I wanted it to be clean and look like I was just sleeping. That way it could be explained as natural causes.

So, I decided to overdose on pills. I downed all pills I could find in the house that had a warning triangle on it (strong pain meds etc.) and then went to my computer to delete my online existence, especially the personal data.

As a former paramedic, I should have known better. Because after half an hour, my body started reacting. But not the way I had hoped and wanted. I started retching and almost vomiting. That's when my husband came home from work and found me. He immediately saw the empty packages and knowing my past suicidal tendencies, he reacted instinctively. He put his fingers down my throat and had me puke everything up, then he called an ambulance and had me admitted to the hospital.

I don't remember anything from the days I spent there. But I have been told they emptied my stomach and gave me lots of fluids. I was then assigned a psychiatrist which I am still seeing today.

I was gone for those days because I was in hospital, not because I was pulling some kind of trick and pretending to have ended myself.

So… I am sorry I "faked" my suicide.

I'm sorry my husband saved me. I am sorry the medics and doctors succeeded in saving my life.

I am sorry I survived and proceeded to live on. If I ever make another attempt, I promise to do better.

Why are you guys so persistent in trying to push people to suicide anyway? Do you get a kick out of it? Why do people have to be pushed to that point before you care?

What did we tell our daughter? Simply that I got sick and had to go to the hospital. She took that well.

I've seen a lot of people wonder why I am still around. Why shouldn't I? Does my daughter deserve to lose her mother over some online crap she doesn't even know about? I owe her to live and watch her grow up, to help her with her homework and whatever else a parent needs to do. I also owe my husband to stay by his side, like I promised him the day we got married. Even if I do not wish to live.

I'm sorry I survived, guys. Really, I am.

9. "Making up" my past trauma to justify writing fics to cope with it. And 1. The Stepney fic and glorifying rape.

First… why would anyone make up trauma? It's not like it's a competition to have the worst life, is it?

Sadly, I don't have to make up anything. My life HAS been rocky up until the birth of my daughter. I have been through so much trauma I couldn't even fathom it myself before my therapist listed it all up to me. Until then, I had just been casually talking to her about it, like I would talk about the weather. I didn't cry or get in touch with my emotions even once while telling everything, because I was taught from an early age to never complain, to suck it up and go on. So, no matter what people did to me, I would just smile and go on, even if it killed me inside. I did not want to show any sign of weakness, because then they would attack me. A habit I developed through years of being bullied in school. Never show feelings, just pretend nothing could hurt you, then they would eventually grow tired of it and stop.

Except they never did. They kept going through all my years at school. To such an extent, my boyfriend didn't dare to show himself hanging out with me out of fear of being bullied himself… And as we grew older, he would start cheating on me too. And I kept smiling…

My next boyfriend was a bit older than me, and while that didn't bother me, as we were both well over legal age, it bothered him. We only lasted one year before he bailed out and ditched me out of the blue via an sms.

The next guy… was the one who scarred me for life. Both physically and mentally. A charmer at first of course, until I was trapped. He was unemployed, so he moved in with me, and I paid for everything from food to phone bills. All while he was dating several women behind my back, calling various pay-phone services and in general acted like a manwhore. As I worked as an electrician (also being subject to massive bullying and sexual harassment at work), he would be jealous of all my co-workers and if I ever came home late or worked overtime, he accused me of cheating and was extremely violent about it. He would also isolate me from my friends and family, making me think I couldn't get any other than him. If any of my male friends (almost all my friends are male…) came over, he would give me such hell afterwards, it was easier just to tell them it was a bad time to visit. And after a while, they stopped asking. This guy also demanded sex. Every single day. If I refused, he would punish me, mostly by flogging me with lampcords, belts or whatever else he had at hand. My back is a criss cross map of old, faded scars even now nearly 20 years later. I would have shown you a photo, but I am so self-concious about my body after all the bullying, I hardly even show my face in photos. Maybe one day… but I certainly need more therapy before being able to show naked skin to strangers, even if it's just my back. So I had non-consensual sex with him more often than consensual. It has taken me hours in therapy to even take the word in my mouth and call it by its proper name: rape. I was raped, almost every single day for little over a year, before I found the strength to break out of the relationship and finally throw him out of my house. It all ended when I found some revealing texts on his cellphone, which he was extremely protective of… Texts that revealed that he had engaged in a relationship with a 12 year old girl, and it had been going on for a while. Not only was he cheating on me, but he was a pedophile too. Needless to say, I didn't even let him pack his stuff before I fetched my shotgun and chased him out of the house. I don't know where I got the courage and strength from… but I was furious.

I thought I had gotten rid of him, but no. He started stalking me in public. Hiding behind shelves when I was shopping, his car following mine everywhere I went. I received weird letters in the mail with cut-out letters from newspapers, glued together. On top of all, his creepy, old uncle called me with some rather disgusting suggestions and tried to come on to me really hard. I had to change my phone number, and after coming home to my house and finding out someone had entered my home using a key, only to empty the drawer of my night table, I also had to change the locks of my doors as he had clearly copied the key.

He didn't stop until I got the police involved.

So, when I finally met the guy who would become my husband (or rather, we found out we were made for each other, we had known each other since we were 11 years old), I had major trust issues towards men especially and it took him endless patience and love to break me out of that shell.

But the trauma doesn't stop… or start there.

In the year 2000, on January 4th, I would experience something that made me unable to even look at a train for over 10 years. The Åsta accident (google it). I was a volunteer in the Norwegian Red Cross then, and a paramedic in training. Back then, you were allowed to start training the year you would turn 16. So, I was still 15 when I witnessed the most traumatic event of my life. The day started out calm, we were stocking up the ambulance after delivering a patient to the hospital when we got a call with the code "500", which means "catastrophe". Normally when we get that code it is a rehearsal… so we drove towards the coordinates with the thoughts that this was just an exercise, nothing real… we didn't prepare ourselves mentally… And we ended up in the closest thing to hell I have ever been… The sight of the burning trains, the smells, the sounds, the screaming… I still wake up by nightmares to this day. Though the moment that haunts me the most is when the screaming stopped… because we all knew why… I don't want to go into details, but 19 people died that day. But we also saved 67 people. I try to hold on to that thought. The age limit for starting paramedic training was raised after this, as I wasn't the only one who was too young for an accident of that scale. Today it is 18. A memorial stone has been placed on the site, but I still haven't been able to bring myself to visit it, even if we drive past the site every year on our way to visit family further north in the country. I needed hours of therapy to even be able to ride a train after this. To have gotten to the point where I now volunteer at a heritage railway and is in training to become a driver, is a HUGE step for me. My next goal is to visit the site of the accident.

On to next trauma… A previous employer, a rather large electric company in Norway, whom I worked for 8 years. The first five years were great, we were a close-knit bunch of electricians, and we had a great relationship with the bosses and higher-ups. Our labor union was strong.

It all started changing in 2009 when we got new leaders… and those decided to get rid of everyone who were a member of the union. One by one, they started harassing workers in various ways, trying to get them to quit. In Norway, they need a legal reason to fire you, it's not enough to not like someone. There has to be a good reason to fire someone e.g. theft, neglecting work… Since they didn't have any reasons to fire us, they started making our work lives gradually harder and harder until we would break and find another job. Sadly, one of my co-workers couldn't stand the pressure… He bid us all farewell as normal one Friday and hung himself the following day.. But as I was a girl in a male-dominated profession, I had been taught at an early stage to ignore anything that would hurt me emotionally, just arch my neck and plow through. I kept doing that, despite starting to feel more and more mental and physical pains… even my co-workers pointed out how I was being mistreated before I acknowledged it myself. I tried to tell my boss, but he reacted by treating me worse. So, I went to his boss… and that's when things went to hell. Instead of doing his job and listen, he started harassing me too. He deemed my over-weight a problem, and he started demanding I gave him detailed lists of what I ate and how much I worked out… Completely illegal of course, but by this point I was broken down to the point I thought I was useless and couldn't get another job… so I accepted. He started accusing me of lying about my exercise, so I started training at the gym in the basement at work instead. One day, while I was there, he locked the doors and turned the lights off. There were no windows, no cellphone reception and hardly anyone walking by in that part of the building… I sat there in the pitch dark for 3 hours before I was let back out. I still get badly triggered by narrow, dark rooms and rooms with no windows. To such an extent, I jumped out of a small window on the second floor of a gym when I was in boot camp. I was allowed to train downstairs in the bigger gym with windows on all walls after that incident…

The harassment at work went on for years until I finally snapped, ended up at the hospital and got into therapy for the first time. I don't want to go into depth about what more happened, I just can't… I can't bring myself to write it all. Luckily, I had gotten more education while working, so when I graduated, another company called and gave me an offer I just couldn't refuse. So, I quit my job and never looked back, even if the traumas I suffered there still haunts me to this day.

Sadly, even after switching jobs, now getting a safe job with sane leaders… I started to relax, and that's when all my past trauma came washing over me. And one day, on while driving to work, I had my first serious panic attack. It started as this feeling I used to have at the old company; getting sick to my stomach and having the sense of someone being out to get me… then it developed to breathing problems… and I had to pull the car over. I broke into tears, struggling to breathe, stumbling out of the car to read the logo on its side just to reassure my body and brain that I worked for a different company now and there was no reason for panic. I called my boss and let him know, because he also was a "refugee" from that other company, so he knew what me and several others had gone through. He managed to talk me down enough for me to come to the office to talk to him. That helped.

I got back into therapy. A better therapist this time. But sadly, it got apparent that I could no longer work as an electrician as there was too many triggers. I was diagnosed with PTSD, severe depression, and social anxiety. I'm still working on these and get better slowly.

I have been in therapy for a long time now, and it was my therapist that suggested I wrote fics to cope and "write it out". I tried to make up my own characters for this, but never felt any connection. I was by this time in the TTTE fandom and had met people with similar trauma and pasts like myself, and I started roleplaying with some of them. Me and a girl from UK then agreed to try to rp/co-write a fic to cope with our trauma. We both found it easier to write about pre-established characters we had a connection to, even if it was an au that made it barely recognizable from the original source material. Only the names and some minor things were similar.

That fic was Stepney's Virginity Gets Lost.

Do we regret writing it? No. It helped us write out our traumas and helped us overcome some mental obstacles in out therapy process. Our therapists cheering us on, because we finally managed to break through the hard shell surrounding us. We both cried for the first time in years while writing it, some of it through roleplay, because some parts were extremely graphic and brutal and very mentally exhausting. We had to take long breaks between each writing session, so the fic wasn't written in just a weekend. But we got a lot of darkness out of our minds by writing all this. And we were definitely NOT aroused by it, like this pervert here claims.

It's when you dare to touch and feel the difficult and dark emotions, you can finally move along in the grieving process.

Should it have been posted online?

In retrospect, no. But at the time, we thought it might help other trauma victims, as we also found reading about other people's experiences and fictions touching painful subjects helpful to ourselves. So, we posted it, never expecting it to cause such a controversy 3 years later. In fact, we had more or less forgotten about it until it came back to bit us in the ass. Or rather, bite ME in the ass, as I am getting the full blame alone.

Also, despite what people claim, it was not posted openly for children to read. It was tagged properly and hidden behind mature content walls. If a minor chooses to break that wall, that's not the author's fault. It's the same as watching a movie with an age restriction way above your age, not the filmmaker's fault.

I think MerciResolution puts it nicely here:

"If your problem lies with you KNOWINGLY entering adult spaces when you’re a minor, ignoring all mature warnings that are literally SCREAMING at you “hey, this is what you’re getting into. Are you sure you want to proceed?”

That’s ENTIRELY on you. YOU are the fucking problem.

We’re marking mature things as best as we properly can. If you decide to ignore them, that’s your own damn fault. We’re not your fucking babysitters."

Also, I never posted the story on Wattpad, so if anyone has done that, it's not me. I posted the story on Fanfiction.net, DeviantArt and AO3, that's all. If it's posted anywhere else, it's not done by me.

I had honestly moved on from it when people pulled me back into it.

Other people who have done questionable shit in that fandom are easily forgiven because "they have moved on" or "changed". Yet, nobody believes I can move on or change…?

I had moved on; my interests had changed. But people won't let me, so here I am… Having to defend some crap I did years ago. A fic I no longer have any interest in.

I'm not even interested in TTTE anymore. I have moved on with my own book project now and I would like to focus on that.

So, deleting my TTTE content, whether it was the SFW or NSFW stuff, didn't cost me a penny. It actually felt like a relief. The only downside with it is that people now can't read it and make up their own opinion about it, but will solely believe in what others say, and those things are often seriously bent out of shape and blown out of proportions to such an extent it's barely recognizable.

If people claim that Arry and Bert rape Stepney in the fic, they have never seen it or read it. That's not what happens. That's just an assumption made by looking at the title and knowing there is a rape/torture scene in it. But I'm not gonna tell who the victim is or who performed it, because this is the only way I am able to tell who has actually read the fic or not, who is just trying to spread bullshit and who is actually telling the truth. The person in that screenshot, has no idea what he's talking about.

Does SVGL romanticize rape and abuse?

No, not in the least. It's described as the horrible, heinous acts it is and is in no way meant to be cute or romantic and definitely NOT something anyone should get off to. If anyone finds it sexy, that's their problem, not the authors'. If anything, SVGL might romanticize suicide, because one of the characters isn't able to cope with his trauma and chooses to end their life. Which is something I considered doing myself when I was in the darkest pit of depression. So, I apologize for maybe romanticizing suicide. The following chapters describe how friends and family handle the loss and grief.

It also describes a toxic relationship, where one of the parts struggles to get out of it. They eventually manage to break free, but it is not easy. This can easily be translated to my previously mentioned relationship, as it was my way of writing out my experience about how hard it is to break out of a relation when your partner has broken you down to the point where you no longer believe in yourself and your self-worth.

The last chapters start to gradually become brighter, as both our lives started getting better too. But we never really wrote the end because we both lost interest in writing TTTE content by that time and just left it hanging.

I'm not the only one who has written NSFW TTTE fanfics out there. But it seems like violence and murder is more acceptable than sexual things? I do wonder how brutally mutilating children's show characters are more tolerable than sexually abusing them. Neither should be okay.

Some content creators hide behind "it was a joke". I have been told that such topics that SVGL touches upon shouldn't be joked about… so I didn't do that, and yet it was wrong? So how should such topics be treated? Be hidden like it's a shame, like in the old days when rape victims were told to suck things up and keep it to themselves? When those subject to abuse didn't dare to speak up because people would judge them?

I think it is important to talk about these subjects and why they are so problematic. Victims shouldn't have to hide their trauma; they should be allowed to talk openly about it without fearing judgement.

Some of you claim that writing isn't a good way to cope… You're trying to dictate how trauma victims deal with their trauma, and that's a dangerous path to walk down. Nobody handles trauma the same way. You might have your thoughts on how you would react, but you'll never know until trauma hits you… and you might not react the way you had expected or planned. Trauma messes with your head and you won't be able to think clearly. It makes you do thinks you normally wouldn't have done and can make you act out of character. So, do not judge people without having been in the same situation yourself. Ever.

Someone wrote that I have "more problems that just a rape".

Read that again.

Just a rape.

This person does not know how damaging a rape can be. And if you made it this far in this post, you know I didn't only go through one, but several. Not just by my ex, but also being ambushed while I was walking home from a party, and later; a co-worker forcing himself onto me at a building site. I can't go into depth about them all, I just can't.

Just a rape…

"Just" the feeling of not being in control of your own body and your own decisions. "Just" being robbed off your dignity and self-worth. "Just" having someone intrude into your private zone, tear your clothes off and claim your body against your will. "Just" feeling how your life force leave you as you realize that fighting against it won't help you, and you silently give up and just lay down waiting for it all to be over. "Just" spending hours in the shower, scrubbing your skin until you bleed because you can't wash the filth away and you keep feeling dirty no matter how much you clean yourself. "Just" waking up at night, after having relived the scene again in a nightmare. "Just" looking over your shoulder wherever you walk because you heard something or thought you saw something or simply because someone is walking behind you. "Just" the fact that you'll never feel comfortable walking alone at night again or have someone walk behind you. "Just" never being able to relax because your body constantly think you're in grave danger. "Just" a rape…

That's such a neck-beard thing to say. Someone who clearly think of other people's bodies as property or things. Not taking into consideration that we are living, breathing individuals with feelings. And that having another person violate us isn't something we like or that we'll easily get over. We want to choose who we give ourselves to, nobody should be forced. We didn't ask to be raped. We didn't want it. We didn't like it.

Rape is trauma.

Yes, we should have chosen other characters for the story, but we did what we did, and it cannot be undone now. So, if the only thing I will be remembered for in the fandom is that ONE fic, instead of all my other content, that's what it will be. That's what people chose to. I'm moving on.

10. Being a nazi for being interested in WW2 history and for being Norwegian and having so-called nazi-letters in my last name (actual letters of the Norwegian alphabet).

*sigh*

This is something that could only happen in America, isn't it?

Some people don't bother educating themselves. The "nazi-letters" you guys are talking about is actually part of the Norwegian alphabet and has nothing to do with Nazism or white-supremacy to do at all. The Norwegian alphabet has 29 letters, the three extra is æ,ø,å or in capital letters: Æ,Ø,Å.

We can't help it if some morons over in the US abuse these letters as symbol of their twisted mindset.

Yes, my name contains one of those letters. It is my name… and I didn't choose it. It is a common Norwegian name.

As for me being a Nazi?

Those who knows me knows that I am as far from a Nazi as one can get. I despise Nazism with all my heart.

But the reason some people choose to believe so… was that some guy who has no hobbies or life went through every single fave I've made on DeviantArt since I joined the site in 2006, which is well over 20000 faves. And he found a few Nazi-characters from a web series I was following about ten years ago. I am very interested in history and especially WW2-history, so I found that particular web-series interesting and faved some artwork related to it. What this guy failed to notice is that I also faved the Allied characters… That's ALL there is to that story.

I has also faved a pic someone made of Joseph Goebbels (I think it was?) as a Pixar Car. That's not because I have any nazi-sympathies, but I simply found the concept of turning historical persons, both good and bad, into Cars as an interesting project. I would have faved any other historical Carsified person as well.

As for me being a Norwegian and have a natural pale complexion, that's not something I can help. That's nothing I choose. And it doesn't make me racist or Nazi. Period.

11. Putting a white-supremacist flag (the actual flag of Norway) on my porch on family birthdays and our national day.

Again. Get educated.

This flag… is the actual flag of my country. The Kingdom of Norway.

There is nothing Nazi about it. It is not a symbol of white-supremacy. IT IS THE FLAG OF NORWAY.

During WW2 it was even illegal, so people would paint it everywhere in a protest against the Nazi-occpation and the SS. We even decorated our Christmas trees with it, and that is a tradition that has followed us into the modern day.

Again, if some idiots in the US choose to use it as a symbol for their disgusting logic, it is not Norway or the Norwegians' fault.

12. Being a danger to my daughter.

I need people to elaborate here.

What exactly do you think I do to my daughter? What is the cause of your concern here?

The fact that I have made NSFW content? How is that harmful to her as long as I keep it away from her? You DO realize that even authors, pornstars and moviemakers have children and that they can be good parents, right?

Do you think I read pornographic content for her as bedtime stories? Or show her porn instead of kids TV? How sick are you guys, really…?

Some people even wanted CPS to take my child away from me… Have a look at these screenshots…

You want a happy, healthy, innocent child to be taken away from a stable, safe home with loving parents just because you don't like the content the mother made? You want her to be placed in foster care, where there is no guarantee that she will have a happy upbringing rather than have her stay with her parents who love her and care for her, for reasons she'll never understand and wasn't even aware of?

"Think of the children!" a lot of you say when it comes to my content. May I ask why this doesn't apply to my daughter?

Why do some of you go as far as to wishing her dead or wanting her to be removed from the home she feels safe and loved in? How is that thinking of the children?

As for the douchebag in that screenshot. You claim that if your mother did something like that you would want nothing to do with her… I have a question: Do you know EVERYTHING your mother do? Does she include you in each aspect of her life? Even her sexual life? No?

How do you know she doesn't do thing you don't approve of when you're not around? She could be a rabid pornmag reader for all you know. But stuff like that is something adults hide from their kids. So, you wouldn't know, unless you go snooping around in her business.

Everyone is entitled to privacy. What I and my husband do when our kid is not around is our business, not hers, and certainly not yours.

Porn and parenting are to be kept separate from each other. Period.

And we do.

There is absolutely no reason to be worried about my daughter. She is a happy, healthy child in a safe, stable home with family that loves her and cares for her. Not just me and my husband, but also grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins.

If you want to remove her from that over a stupid fanfic behind a mature content wall, you're the deranged person, not me.

This is all I have to say about all this and my time in the TTTE fandom. I have left by my own, free will. Yes, I am aware that many people don't want me there. That's fine. I don't want to be there.

I am a bit disappointed in those people who just blindly unfollowed me and unfriended me without any questions asked, just followed the leader. Big users tend to dictate who and what is worth following in that fandom. They will even protect real predators, but I'm not going to open that can of worms now. I'm done with the fandom.

Some of those people, I have been talking to regularly, even supported when they faced hardships in the fandom themselves. But when I got in trouble, they ditched me without a word…

If anything, this whole ordeal showed me who to trust and not, and who were true to their word when it came to how deep our friendship was. True friends at least give you the chance to explain before they drop you. I hold no ill feelings to those who did, at least they asked me before judging.

And those who still stayed with me, are the ones who truly know me and who I really am.

Some of the worst libels posted about me might be reported to the police, but I haven't made up my mind yet. I am not mentally strong at the moment, so I don't know if I have the strength to legally follow it all up. I will ask the cops at work for advice on the matter.

All I ask for now is some peace.

You don't have to like me. You don't have to follow me. You don't have to like my content. Feel free to invalidate me, I know a lot of you will.

But please, stop bullying me and my family.

Please stop sending me horrid messages and death threats.

Please stop doxxing me and calling me.

Please leave my family alone. If you don't care about me, at least care about them.

Please just ignore me. I have already left the fandom, there is no reason to keep hunting me.

I just want to move on and go on with my life and the content I am currently working on. After years in therapy, my life has gotten better, and I want to move on.

Please let me.

#good bye to ttte #tw//suicide #tw//rape #tw// bullying #tw//depression #tw//ptsd #tw//ttte #tw//sex #tw//abuse #tw//domestic abuse #I'm done

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xnchxntmxnt · 3 years

Note

Hey this is for your matchups which again yayyy congrats on nearly 200!! Anyways for my matchup:

1-3) My nickname is Em, she/her and idm who you pair me with

4) I'd describe myself as shy at first then once you get to know me I'll open up, an overthinker and I like to be organized

My hobbies are writing, I really love it alot, I also like to draw if I get time and I love music alot too

In a partner I'd look for someone who makes me laugh and who's patient

For dealbreakers it's pretty general but I couldn't be with someone who doesn't consider other ppl's feelings

5) I don't have an aesthetic but I like pastel aesthetics but then I also like dark aesthetics and light academia so it's a mix I guess

6) Colours to describe me would be teal blue and silver, well according to you anyways

7) Right now I'd say my favourite song is Tru Luv Street by Awfultune or Fight Night Champion by Cyberbully Mom Club

8) Idk about a specific genre but some artists I like rn are: Awfultune, Carpetgarden, Cavetown, Clem Turner, Cyberbully Mom Club, Girl in Red, Joji, Lorde, Matt Maltese and Twenty One Pilots (sorry that's alot)

9) Ooh and I wanted to include that my favourite book is Radio Silence by Alice Oseman

Thank you in advance and also ily, you deserve all the love and more!! <3

EM MY BELOVED I HAVE DONE IT

@sugasfanfics this was so fun wtf like-- ugh i love this

ANYWAY i know i already kinda spilled the beans but im gonna match you with....

✧𝐴𝑘𝑎𝑎𝑠ℎ𝑖 𝐾𝑒𝑖𝑗𝑖✧

AGASHIII

and no it's not just because you're already in love w him i have good reasoning behind this because i said so anyWAY

✧𝐻𝑜𝑤 𝑌𝑜𝑢 𝑀𝑒𝑡✧

how you met, for in case you cant see my fancy text

Cafe

C a f e

But like

A cafe specifically for nerds

This is just my like 2nd dream job okay but like hear me out

They have coffee & tea & a bookshelf full of old books and a chalkboard

You can write all over the chalkboard

You write super tiny and just let a little mini vent out in the corner because you’re stressed out and need to get everything off your chest

BUT you come back the next day and there’s a little note in the same little corner

Your message is gone

But instead is a little note from someone

“If you ever need to talk to someone, let me know”

And an Instagram username

So you give it a shot and you’re like why not talk to this random person Y’know maybe make a new friend if anything just thank them for the offer

You message him and start talking (and low key stalk his page just to see what he’s like, or maybe that’s just me being a snoop) and he’s actually really cool! So you guys meet up and get coffee and actually start talking all the time it’s really sweet

✧𝐺𝑒𝑛𝑒𝑟𝑎𝑙 𝐻𝑒𝑎𝑑𝑐𝑎𝑛𝑜𝑛𝑠✧

general headcanons

When i think of akaashi, I think of stars

When i think of you, i think of picnics and for some reason, water

Like the ocean

SO EVEN IF ITS NOT THE OCEAN

Your ‘spot’ is by this lake where he took you on a date one time

Maybe for an anniversary or something

But you guys did a little picnic dinner thing and were out when the sun went down so sat and stared at the stars

You buried a rock there and both of you like to stand on that spot where the rock is when youre there with the other

Or send the other a picture like “hiii baby look what i found” w your shoe in the picture

Bokuto is your #1 shipper high key

Like he thinks you two are so cute

He loves you so much too like

He and akaashi are kinda a package deal so like if ur dating akaashi ur dating bokuto just with less kissing (bokuto likes to kiss your cheek or forehead) (after making sure this was ok with akaashi of course) (ur his girlfriend of course)

But anyway just bokuto

He’s so sweet

And so clueless

You two will be walking together and then he’ll just walk up behind you and sling his arms over your shoulders

If youre holding hands w akaashi? He’ll put his hand over both of yours

God now i wanna write a fic but anyway

Bo is just the sweetest and is akaashi’s #1 hype man when he’s worried about a date

He’s ur #2 bc im ur #1 sorry to tell u

Bo totally tried to coin the platonic soulmates thing i love you kou but gtfo my em

Im arguing with fictional characters

ANYWAY

When akaashi is stressed he likes to wrap his arms around you and lay his head against your neck

He’ll never admit it out loud because he thinks its weird but he thinks you smell nice

When he’s starting to overthink too much + spiral he just will grab you and hug you until all the bad thoughts go away

When he thinks to of course

When he doesn’t, there are times you gotta find him and calm him down

Which he loves so much

Sit him down on the floor so he feels more grounded and hold his hand (or hook pinkies that's so cute i jhbflebf) (not the time spencer gtfo)

That way ur not crowding him but you’re still there y'know

And sometimes he’ll talk, sometimes you need to talk him down, sometimes you just sit in silence

Eventually he will lean forward into you and hug you because he doesn't want to talk, but he wants you to know he’s okay

Rub his back, kiss his head, you’ll both be okay

He’s really good with you too

When you’re stressed out he might push a couple buttons but he means well

He just wants to know who made his star upset (he calls you his star or darling convince me otherwise)

So he pushes buttons until you finally talk about it because obviously it’s bothering you why wouldn't you talk about it?? He just wants to fix it??

Sometimes this gets more irritating, sometimes it helps, it depends on the day

But even if you do get into an argument, expect to hear from him before the end of the night apologizing because he feels so bad for arguing with you that he doesn’t even care what the argument was about he just wants to make sure you still love him

I think im getting off topic but tbh this part is always just me rambling lol

Another thing I think of when I think of akaashi is rain. I don't know why but i do

You have to at least know OF the notebook & the rain scene to get this

I don't know the book lol i just know this much and i'm a dork so we’re using it & some quotes just a heads up

But just imagine its pouring and you’re bored and text him like “i wish i could see you but its raining & we didn't really make plans & i don't want you to get caught in the rain anywhere”

This mfer

RUNS ALL THE WAY TO UR HOUSE

JUST SHOWS UP

OUT OF NO WHERE

And being the freakin

book nerd he is

He texts you and goes “I wrote you 365 letters.”

And then just “(come to the door and I’ll finish the quote)”

So you bolt to the front door

And there he is

Soaking wet & smiling like an idiot

“I wrote to you everyday for a year.”

To which you start laughing and barley are able to make out a “it wasn’t over’ (which is the beginning of the next quote) before kissing him

And this jerk pulls you out in the rain with him because WHAT is more romantic than kissing in the rain

Nothing

Anyway he ends up with a cold but you give him some of the clothes you probably stole from him to get into dry clothes and you cuddle under the covers with tea

After you smack him (playfully of course) because “you IDIOT keiji it's pouring out here!!” “I wanted to see you too so i ran over” “you're impossible”

Anyway yeah #emkaashiotp

✧𝐴 𝐷𝑎𝑡𝑒 𝐼𝑑𝑒𝑎✧

a date idea

Bookstore

I'm really good at naming places aren't i

Anyway

Bookstore date

But do something fun where the two of you have to go through an aisle and find a random page and read it in the like

How do i explain this

Make it sound suuuuper sexual without it actually being that way and not laugh

Whoever loses buys lunch

Lets just say you lose a lot dear im sorry (he insists on buying anyway, sometimes he wins that argument)

You’re smiley :) (guys her smile is so cute ebflbejfb em ILY)

Oh also doesn’t matter if he bought lunch or not he always gets you something

Whether it be that book you decided you couldn't get this time or a little trinket that reminded him of you, or sometimes it’s just ice cream

It’s all very sweet (hahaha pun)

He always walks you home and gives you a little kiss when he drops you off

Doesn’t leave till you’re inside & he knows you’re good

You make him promise to text you when he gets home

Which he does, without fail

✧𝑍𝑜𝑑𝑖𝑎𝑐 𝐶𝑜𝑚𝑝𝑎𝑡𝑖𝑏𝑖𝑙𝑖𝑡𝑦✧

zodiac compatibility

Sagittariuses are very intelligent, fair-minded & honest, similar to a Libra’s cleverness & rationale. Because of this similarity, trust is a huge thing in these relationships. It can be all or nothing, but finding balance is important to keep both people happy. Luckily, Libras are very good at this. From everything I’ve seen, these signs together have a very high compatibility and can have a very long-withstanding and healthy relationship.

✧𝐴𝑒𝑠𝑡ℎ𝑒𝑡𝑖𝑐✧

aesthetic

✧𝑃𝑙𝑎𝑦𝑙𝑖𝑠𝑡✧

playlist

House of Gold - Twenty-One Pilots

Lvr Boy - awfultune

A Shitty Love Song - Jye

Darling Get Up - awfultune

Something Just Like This - Alex Goot

✧𝑅𝑢𝑛𝑛𝑒𝑟𝑠 𝑈𝑝✧

runners up

Nishinoya Yuu, Sugawara Koushi

#//ᴍᴀᴛᴄʜᴜᴘꜱ

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imreallyloveleee · 4 years

Note

I looove your fics. You do fluffy stuff so well. But I can't remember if you've ever done anything with Bughead and kids. Because that's like the ultimate fluff scenario in my eyes. No specific prompt in my mind though.

<3 aw thanks anon!

I don’t really write (or read, tbh) fic with babies/kids in it. it’s not an area of life that interests me. however I am really fond of my story step by step, where Jughead is Jellybean’s guardian and Betty is the elementary school nurse and they meet cute and fall in love. in fact I’m so fond of it that I wrote an entire 10k-word follow-up fic that I still haven’t posted because it needs more work.

but here is a snippet from that follow-up, a scene of the two of them with Jellybean, that maybe you will enjoy! :)

One week later, Jughead and Betty get married. (Because, as Jughead learns when he calls the courthouse, you can’t just show up and have a wedding. You have to make an appointment.)

Jellybean is surprisingly enthusiastic about the whole endeavor; mostly he thinks she enjoys being in on another secret. Either way, he’s not going to question it.

“Are you going to be Mrs. Jones at school now?” she asks, shoving a handful of fries into her mouth. It hadn’t felt right to go anywhere but Pop’s for lunch after the brief ceremony downtown.

Betty exchanges a look with Jughead before shaking her head. “Well, it’s a secret until we have the wedding, remember? But even then, I’m keeping my name. I’ll just be Ms. Cooper, instead of Miss.”

“You can do that?”

Betty looks amused. “Yes, you can do that.”

“But why?”

“Because I like my name, and I’ve had it for thirty years, and I don’t see any reason to change it now.”

“It’s Betty’s choice,” Jughead adds, slightly embarrassed that his nine-year-old sister has apparently been harboring some reactionary politics all this time, despite his best attempts to the contrary.

“But you’re married, and you have different names.” Jellybean looks thoughtful as she chews on another fry. “That’s weird.”

“Well, Jughead could always change his name.” Betty gives him a sly smile.

“No,” Jellybean says firmly. “Then we’d have different names.”

“Don’t worry, I am a Jones for life.” Jughead nudges her with his elbow. “And you can be too, if that’s what you want. Even if you get married.”

Jellybean wrinkles her nose. “Ew. I’m never getting married.”

He smiles. “That’s fine too.”

Later that night, lying in bed, Jughead plays with the solid gold band around Betty’s finger. Since they were keeping the marriage secret for a few months, they’d agreed to take them off in the morning, but for now it sends a little thrill through him every time he catches a glimpse of one of their rings.

She’s his wife.

“You know what? I never thought I’d marry someone without living in sin first,” Betty says. Her lease wasn’t up until the month before the wedding; they hoped that by then they’d find a slightly bigger place for the three of them to share, but if not, she’d be putting her things in storage and moving into the apartment for real. “It’s very old-fashioned of us.”

“I never thought I’d get married at all.”

Betty looks at him in surprise. “Never?”

“I didn’t want to. Hearing Jellybean say that today was like a flashback to my childhood.”

“How come?”

“I think I just couldn’t picture it.” He skims his fingers down her arm, marveling a little at the way her skin prickles with goosebumps under his touch. He’d certainly never pictured this. “It’s not like my parents gave me a great reference point.”

FP and Gladys had separated before he’d even entered kindergarten. From his earliest memories to the day she’d finally moved back to Ohio, his parents’ relationship had been a maelstrom of hurt, disappointment, and little else.

He’d had glimpses of healthy marriages through the years – mostly from Archie’s mom and dad. But visiting the Andrews’ house was like visiting another world. Imagining himself in their shoes was like imagining himself at the bottom of the ocean, or exploring Mars: intriguing, maybe even fun, but not at all realistic.

“I’m glad you changed your mind.” Her smile holds a touch of sadness as she brushes a lock of hair away from his forehead. “I wish I’d known you as a kid. It’s crazy we were both here growing up in Riverdale the whole time and never even met.”

Jughead laughs. “I’m thrilled you never met me. I was a pretentious little asshole.”

Betty leans forward to peck him on the lips. “Stop saying mean things about my husband.”

He snakes an arm around her bare waist, pulling her closer. “Make me.”

To his delight, she does.

#bughead #anon #betty cooper #jughead jones #jellybean jones #fic #maybe finishing this up should be my next focus #it's so close!

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kirkypet · 3 years

Note

Fanfic asks: 2, 7, 12, 24, 34!

Hiya! Thank you for the opportunity to ramble at length. Apologies in advance :)

2. Why do you write fanfiction? To make the pictures in my head go away. No but really, if I didn’t put it down on paper (screen), it’d just jab jab jab at me. It’s also way too much fun getting feedback.

7. What element of writing do you struggle with most? When I have to get someone from A to B and I don’t know how. It was more of a problem at the beginning when I felt obliged to try write bits of story that didn’t really interest me, but now I just fast forward or work around it. Action is difficult. Big Drama is difficult. Proper full-on tragedy is difficult. Tbh if I can’t season it with a bit of humour it’s difficult. I’ve got an idea for an Immortan Joe Backstory With His Dark Materials Witches that I know I won’t ever write because it’s just straight-up tragedy. Anyone want it? Also smut in real-time is difficult. Tried it once just to say I had, but it’s not something I’ll attempt again.

12. Tell us about a WIP you’re excited about. It’s finished now but I think if I’d been asked this question this time last year I’d have jumped up and down about Our Mister Jobassa, a Fury Road/Firefly mashup which started as a rehash of Our Mrs Reynolds with Fury Road characters and ended up going off in a tangent and spawning an OC of sorts that I had a lot of fun with. I got pretty invested in that fic, and will quite happily re-read it and the comments as a pick-me-up. My current American Gods WIP I’m more quietly interested in, rather than excited, as it’s more of a ‘getting characters emotionally from A to B’ kind of fic.

24. One-shots or multi-chaptered works? Eh they end up being multi-chaptered whether I want them to or not. I have developed a trick of doing dialogue-only which keeps things waaayyyy shorter than they’d otherwise be, but still it’s touch and go whether I can keep it down to one chapter.

34. Copy and paste an excerpt you’re particularly fond of. That’s a really difficult one. I’ve just spent half and hour scrolling though some favourite ones to see what would stand out. I’ll go for this one, the first one I wrote after I’d finally got my Fury Road headcanon out of the way. It’s about a shapeshifting Max’s thoughts while having a pee.

It was such a decadent thing to just let it flow in a golden stream across the parched earth. Whenever there were so many uses for the stuff - You could get a decent meal in Bartertown for a few weeks carefully hoarded piss. The tanners just lapped it up. Not literally. No, it was far too lucrative to drink. And the other raw materials for their trade were never in short supply. There was no shortage of dead flesh. Max avoided meat when he could, but didn’t ask questions when he couldn’t. Life or death, that was a different thing. But he never ever wore new leather. Liquid gold. A useful commodity in the Bullet Farm too, though they weren’t as welcoming to outside traders. A Bullet Farm Boy would never know what it was like to stand idly watching his own piss splashing on his boots, to see it trickle away in sunshiny rills, into any crack or hollow. So much of it, too. None of his bottles would hold it, he knew. That’s what comes of orbiting a water source held by allies. Max was so occupied, imagining his kidneys having something to do for a change, that he almost didn’t see it. The pool of liquid, rapidly disappearing. No longer a puddle, more of a print. And not one of his, the shape was all wrong. He hurriedly rearranged himself and examined the now-muddy indentation. No doubt about it, those were four claw marks in the dust. And there was another one, just there. He followed them as far as he could confidently make them out. After that, he’d have to follow his nose.

#writing ask #kirky rambles #fadagaski

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lala-pipo · 3 years

Note

(1/18) *peeks from behind the wall* I hope I am still welcomed here hahaha cricket anon is here! <3 I am very sorry for making you worry last time O.O, for sure no matter what happens to the story, I'm going to be right there to read it! Huehuehue, I literally was not lying when I mentioned that this story is bringing me lots of joy this year :3 Cricket anon is fine now! hahaha my last work place was really bad, kind of black-company-level-bad, and it really took a toll on my mental health…

Dear cricket nony, I already answered one of your non-anonymous asks privately because I was so overwhelmed by the sheer amount of email notifications I got from tumblr and Ao3 that I had to thank you right away, but I still want to do it publically because even after days I’m still overwhelmed that you took so much time to write me a whole essay. I’m still all soft and wobbly and squishy on the inside. Your notifications really made my day, week, probably month – so thanks so much again. It really means so much T___T

(2) so, I kind of took two months? break from social media and just literally try and figure out my life lol basically quarter-life crisis also happening, but yeah slowly getting better now! I hope you are doing fine as well, sending you lots of hugs and love ~^^~ Firstly though!! I wanted to say sorry too that it took a while for me to reply hahaha… BUT!! Let me tell you omg during my rest of 8 weeks, I have managed to re-read ALL. SEVEN. CHAPTERS!! So many things to share!!

I’m so sorry to hear that your last workplace took such a toll on your mental health and I really hope that you are going to get better. I cross all my fingers for you and send you good vibes only. Please don’t feel pressured to comment at all. I mean everyone loves receiving comments, but it shouldn’t feel like a chore. So if you feel like sharing your thoughts I’m always glad to read them, but if you don’t feel like sharing them, please don’t feel bad about it. <3

(3) However, since my comments were a grand total of 4,000 words lol, I inserted them in AO3 under "cricket anon" in every chapter! :3 You might get confused as you read them because I take notes as I read the chapter lol hahaha I hope my comments might bring some joy <3 Ahh! By the way! These anon messages are partly not anon since anon asks are limited to 10 per hour? I didn’t know that! :( But since I accidentally have revealed myself to you lol I think it should be okay!

I’ll also try to answer your comments on Ao3 in the upcoming days because (if I remember correctly) you had some questions and I hope I can answer some of them. ^^ But I’m impressed that you went through all the chapters again. We’ve reached 150k now, which is quite fascinating to me because there are still quite a few chapters left. I wonder how long the story will be in the end *hides* I didn’t know that either! I’ve been on tumblr for so long and yet this 10 ask limit is new information for me, but it makes sense in some way – if I think about spam accounts or people going around spreading hate or something.

(4) Also, I think I’m going to make my snorts reactions straight onto AO3 from now on, rather than spamming your ask box with 10+ anon messages hahaha but I’ll still come here to share you my overall reactions and analyzations huehuehue and also to possibly warn you about the length of the comment lol something I noticed, from chapter 1 to chapter 7, the comment got longer lol more things to discuss about, I guess!? But yeah!! Let me reply to your reply to my previous ask here!!

LMAO I admire your dedication. Do whatever is most comfortable to you, I will be happy either way ^^ I think it makes sense that someone can comment more on later chapters because the painted picture gets fuller and fuller with details, there is more information about the different characters, the storyline is more developed and so on… ^^

(5) Is the sad scene in chapter 6, you were referring to the conversation that Jong-Taem were having, and then Jong tried to diffuse it into another lighthearted banter, and Taem is just. tired. of. Jong avoiding the conversation? and despite all that, Taem still let Jong come into his room and cuddle to sleep? idk... I find that scene really heartbreaking :( or maybe it was another scene?

For me it was the shower scene tbh. I don’t know, but it always struck something inside of me (is it weird that I’m saying this although I’ve written it?) There is something very fragile about Jonghyun in that scene and Taemin does feel a little helpless and is so caught up in his own thoughts, in his own needs, what he wants (and doesn’t get from Jonghyun) and yeah – it always makes me go :( but yes, the follow up scene is sad as well because you sit there and think – you two are just so damn dumb, which is something most people, who read this story so far – seem to think constantly, because yeah, they are very dumb – each in their own way. ^^

(6) I think I mentioned in the AO3 comment somewhere that even I started to feel like Taem can just leave Jong because Jong is not trying to understand Taem, I mean, nothing to do with his mood swings or his claim that Taem will get bored of him, just that he isn't trying to see things from Taem's perspective whereas Taem is trying! so! hard! and he even tried to ignore the fact that Jong avoid the vital conversations for like the 10th time already :(

Feelings are a very difficult topic – and while chapters 1-9 are very focused on what Taemin does, thinks, wants, needs, wishes etc. the focus does shift a little over to Jonghyun starting from chapter 10. So the reader does get an inside of why Jonghyun might have acted the way he did. If his behavior makes sense is up to the reader (and Taemin as well) to decide – but I think it shines a little more light onto Jonghyun, who the reader doesn’t know much about – feeling wise –, although he’s one of the main characters of the story. ^^ It’s the onion layers that get peeled one by one. ^^

(7) Yeah, re-reading this definitely showed me muCH MORE parallelism in Jong-Key and Taem-Jong dynamics. Even with Taem's mood in a sense? Like how Jong used to be really upset when Key has a new friend, and then suddenly okay when they do sexy times. Before, I only noticed the puppy-love-ness parallel, but then there is more to it, like I said, Taem's mood affected by Jong a lot, just like Jong's by Key, and also the way Jong claims that Key doesn't understand his feelings,

(8) well, it applies to Jong not really wanting to understand Taem's feeling? by just brushing it off as Taem will get bored of him or Taem doesn't know what he is talking about. I mean as a reader, I am also not sure, if it’s either Jong doesn't care or he is scared to show himself or both or maybe there is another reason? Hahaha ^^;;

This is true and done on purpose. ^^ This knowledge doesn’t play a key (haha) part in the storyline, but it is there to show how blinded one can get by one’s own feelings. After adapting to his new life in a dorm Taemin sees through Jonghyun and Kibum’s relationship quite well, but later when it’s about his own relation to Jonghyun he’s completely blindsided and doesn’t see how unhealthy it is at first – him going back and back and back over and over again in the hope that Jonghyun’s behavior towards him might change.

(9) You mentioned that there will be more Jongtae drought, and honestly, I think they need it? I think some space for them to think about things and you know do other things and talk to other people about other things lol maybe it will clear up their heads hopefully? Ahh!! You said the beginning of chapter 5 is for your own sanity lol I totally understand ;), it was a very sweet scene, soft, and kind of endearing compared to what is coming in the next chapters TnT

It depends on how we describe the drought. The hard cut was done in chapter 8. I went in like a warrior and just cut all the strings, not showing any mercy. ^^” I don’t want to spoiler anything, but yeah – the hard drought will continue throughout chapter 9 – soft drought from chapter 10 …… till ….. *closes mouth* 6v6

Working on chapter 8 made me write two lovey-dovey JongTae oneshots because I couldn’t stand seeing them fight in my own fanfic, in front of my salad. T_T so yeah, the beginning of chapter 5 was for my sanity. While writing chapter 8 I also realized again while I never really write angst, fights – anything dramatic really, because I’m a very chill person in real life, and I like my fanfics to be very chill as well – so writing this was completely out of my comfort zone. For others it’s writing smut for me it’s writing angst lmao. I usually want to wrap up all the characters in fluffy blankets and make them tea, and yet here I am – letting Taemin suffer for so many chapters. I’m a monster T_T

(10) Yeahhh, about the fact that we don't see Key so much since it is in Taemin's point of view, and also the fact that our (the audience)'s perception of Key is very much influenced by how Taem sees Key, right? I think I even mentioned somewhere in the comments, that in a way, a Rashomon effect is present as the readers read the story right, since they are all on accounts of Taem's witnessing, but then also maybe I am just reading too much into this lol

It would be the Rashomon effect if I wrote the same fic out of Jonghyun’s perspective and Minho’s as well for example. In this case Taemin is just a very unreliable narrator and we don’t (well I do :’D) but the reader doesn’t know what’s really going on, if everything Taemin is experiencing is true or if it should be taken with a grain of salt. Considering that everyone in the dorm, except for Taemin, gets along well with Kibum, we might want to believe that Kibum isn’t the bad guy Taemin wants to make him out to be. ^^

(11) Honestly, I could hear my English Lit teacher saying "maybe that is not the author's intention" hahaha xD Yes yes yes!! more chapters for Taem's development!! I am ready for it!! I mean the end of chapter 7 marked the sign of the broken vase, and paired with the JongTae drought, I am looking forward to the next part of the story!! Some character development at this point is perfect I think!! And also!! About the advices, I think I commented a few times on some of the chapters.

(12) I didn't notice that before! And after you pointed it out, I think I made some comments on Minho's, Key's, and Onew's advices to Taem and definitely, based on how the events unfolded, we could argue that the advice was bad - in a way though, I can't seem to tell (yet, maybe?) if the advice giver was genuinely trying to help or do they have ulterior motives? hmmm but either way, I like how you placed a lot of thoughts in the story, even on things such as advice.

(13) Because for sure, in reality, people tend to give bad advices, and act on bad advices. It is true that most fics tend to focus only on the good advice and then the story ends happily ever after. Real life is most definitely not like that :3 your "slice of life" tag is holding up to its name ;) Thank you so much for your hard work!! You added 10,000 words for chapter 7?? omg… huhuhu (insert a bowing LINE sticker)... yeah, for sure, the way the story unfolds in my head,

(14) probably is different to other readers, right? And for sure, very different to you, the author! There are probably a lot more instances, scenes, implications, interpretations? that we as readers are unaware of! Thank you so much for all your hard work TnT, as readers, having more context into the story does give much more clarity on the flow of the story and the feelings of the characters, etc. Thank you for all your hard work! (bow bow bow)

That was something @hwarang-number commented on as well while betaing the story. What if Minho has ulterior motives?!?!?!?!? In Minho’s case it does make sense to give out bad advice to lure in the innocent lamb haha but for example what would Jinki’s or Kibum’s ulterior motives be? Sometimes people want to give out good advice, but in the end it just turns out to be bad advice – unintentionally – humans are just humans after all – and none of us is all knowing, we all perceive things differently, and what might work for one person might not work for the other. I did add 10k to chapter 7 and 25k to chapter 8 – because chapter 8 felt like the most incomplete out of all the chapters in this story.

I think I’ve mentioned it before but hwarang_number is super attentive while reading and figured most things out that I’ve implied – even smaller details which I thought might get lost in the chapters – which I’m still impressed by, but I also said before that everyone reads stories differently, and some aspects that might not be important to me as the author of the story might be important for the readers and the other way around. For the past chapters I just tried to fill in the gaps that might confuse readers unnecessarily. In the original draft of chapter 8 Taemin is doing the deeds with Minho far more spontaneously because he’s so frustrated with Jonghyun – it made sense like that as well – but I think his frustration got more depth through the added scenes. :)

(15) Ah!! By the way!! Please don't feel like you are forced to reply to all of my messages! Having you read them already makes me happy! I don't want to make it feel like an obligation to you because... well omg my comments like super loooooong hahaha ^^;; And yeah!! Take your time with the next chapter by the way!! I am rooting for the development of the story no matter how it will go :3 I will be waiting for the next update (though no pressure, just want to put it there haha)

Dear cricket nony, if you write me 50 message I will still try to answer all of them ㅎㅅㅎ I might just take a little longer. I hope you will like chapter 8 as well, despite the drought ^^

(16) Next time, this cricket anon will bring some more noise ~ I hope your real-life stuff works out well too :D Once again, thank you for answering all of my messages, and for writing this awesomely written fanfiction! While I wait for the next chapter, I think I'm going to re-read songs of siren hehehe :3 Please stay safe!

Please do! Song of Sirens is definitely a story I would have loved to treat like “Dorm Life” in a sense that it would have turned out better if I had worked on it longer, but I’m still a fan of the big brain energy I had running through my veins when I came up with the mythological aspect of the story…lmao So I hope you will enjoy re-reading it. ^^ Chapter 8 is longer than Song of Sirens (just as a side note haha)

(17) Ah!! I forgot to mention!! After I re-read it, my most favorite literary device that you used in this fanfiction (lol this commentary is beginning to sound like a Literature essay) is the Biblical Allusions? I am not sure if this was your intention, but the juxtapositions of Bible verses or reference to God, in Taemin’s thought reminds me heavily of Taemin’s songs, particularly Heaven? It be a sexy time song if you look at the lyrics, but the composition is that of a choir church song

(18) I find the contrast chilling, and maybe you were trying to invoke that feeling to the readers? Orrr maybe I am perhaps, indeed, reading too much into this hahaha ^^;; but really! I really enjoy reading your fanfictions and coming up with analyzations, it’s very fun, and the fact that I can discuss or ask you questions about it is just makes it even more fun – since in Literature classes we can’t actually ask the author of their true intentions right hahaha okay!! I am done :3 Thank you!! <3

It was my intention and still is, so I’m glad you picked up on that. ^^ I always wanted to write a fanfic in which Taemin’s religion plays a role – even if it’s just on the side – I always make some references to Dante’s circles of Hell (when Taemin is being dramatic again) or I also made a reference to Hieronymus Bosch’s painting The Seven Deadly Sins and the Four Last Things in chapter 8. (I’m a big fan of his work – that dude was wild – the way he painted blows my mind every time I look at one of his paintings). So yes, dramatic Taemin talking about religion and throwing around with biblical references is my brain being wild. ^^

I would say that ‘Dorm Life’ is not a really deep story, but I did put a lot of thought into it to not make it your regular smut/romance fanfic. I mean it took time, still does – but I’m glad when people, like you dear cricket nony, appreciate it. So thank you so much for your kind words and sending me all your thoughts and interpretations. <3 I hope you will have a lovely December – please stay healthy and please take good care of yourself. <3

#cricket nony #non-fic post #dorm life #Anonymous

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snarkandsarcasmftw · 4 years

Text

2020

Uh oh, it’s time for the cranky smol one to get sappy af. Prepare yourselves. Because yeah, I’m gonna get sappy.

This past year has been… To put it bluntly, it was one hell of a ride. I moved from state to state after spending the past two years taking care of my mother, I lost important people in my life (some through my own stupidity, others simply because they showed their true colors) and I lost a pet that for 13 years roughly, was a huge part of my life. I rescued a cat. I feel like this past year taught me a lot but the most important thing that it taught me was to be thankful for who/what I have in my life, because I might not always have these things/people.

Since there’s a loooot, holy shit so much.. I’ll put a read more.

REGRETS:

First of all, to the one person I’m no longer speaking to/following on here. I just know that you were a blessing in my life while you were around. I know we couldn’t ever really be close friends like we were before everything played out, but I truly hope the best things in life happen to you. You’re a good person, always know that. I hope you’re happier now and I hope that you eventually find and embrace your own inner truth without anxiety or fear.

Secondly, there were a few people who I misjudged/let go of this past year that maybe I wish I hadn’t. If any of you are reading this, I’m so so so so sorry. I don’t know what made me do it, but I know that I just… Felt like I wasn’t as good as any of you and like I never really fit in, so rather than make you all keep dealing with me, I did what I thought was best and cut the cord. I really wish I hadn’t and I know it’s probably way too late, but I really am sorry. You were great people and I really do miss our talks and stuff. I just felt like I was in the way, so I took myself out. Anxiety is a real bitch and while that’s not an excuse for me just going silent / blocking you guys, it’s the simplest truth. I was in a bad place for a while there and in my own head too much. I’m better now, but I’m fairly sure that it’s too little & too late. So, once again, I’m so so so sorry.

NEW FRIENDS:

Oh god, where to start? I made so many new friends this year on this blue hell-site. So many. And I’m thankful for every single one of you even if I somehow miss your name. On that note,I’m sorry in advance if I do and I mean nothing by it. Also, these are in absolutely no certain order. If I tried to go alphabetically, I’d probably wind up messing it up.

@xladyxfatex I am so, so, so, so glad you sent me that meme and we started to talk. It has been so much fun rp’ing again, and I’m really enjoying getting to know you better. I love our rp and you’re such a sweet person. I can’t wait to see where this year takes us.

@writtingrose you are an amazing writer and you’re a down to earth and sweet person. I was moved by your Beautiful To Me series (it’s plus size reader, you guys MUST go read it.) and I’m so glad I reached out. I can’t wait to start our rp, if you’re still down for it. I love reading your writing and I can’t wait to get to know you better.

@komaniac I absolutely love your love for Kevin. I really don’t get to talk to you often, but I’ll see your Kevin posts and I’m like sitting on my side of the computer screen silently nodding. Your Kevin content is always making me smile. I love you for that, never change.

@rampagewriting… I can’t remember which of us reached out first, but girl. I am so so glad we’re friends. You’re an amazing and strong person and I love all your fics. I love opening our DM and yelling about things with you, whether it’s Zak Bagans ( we deffo need to go ghost hunting one day, tbh) or any of our other favorites. I’m so glad we’re friends and I hope that we get to be even better friends during 2020.

@the-ville-idiot Wren, I love you. Seriously, I love you. You’re always so bubbly and happy and like… I legit enjoy our random conversations. We have a lot in common.

@doedreamss Ashley, I mean Doe. You’re such a sweetheart and I wish I had half the life experiences you have. I love you. I enjoy talking to you about certain cowboys and certain bad boys. I love your writing, I wish I wrote more like you did, tbh. I hope you never change and I hope we stay friends. If you ever need to talk or want to talk, you’re always welcome in my DM’s.

@robwiethoff I LOVE LOVE YOUR LOVE FOR HANGMAN. I aspire to love something/someone as much, tbh. I know I’m probably annoying af, but honestly, I enjoy talking to you. I hope to get to know you better, you’re a sweetheart. I love reading your writing / hearing your ideas and honestly, just.. I send you hugs.

@adamcolesteeth I’ve really enjoyed talking to you and I genuinely thank you for the random fake fic title prompts, because I’ve really had a blast doing them. I loved your Christmas Luchasaurus fic, it was so much fun to read.

@hardcorewwetrash we may not like the same football teams, ( roll damn tide, lol) but I honestly love to read your posts. You’re a real person and the world needs more of those. You speak your mind. I honestly wish I could just do that sometimes. It’s been so fun talking to you / seeing your posts on the dash.

@country-believethat-gallowaywwe AHHHH. I LOVE THE TALKS WE HAVE ABOUT DREW. Also, thanks for all the picture inspiration you send me that one time I really, really, really needed it. I think you’re a sweetheart and I hope to get to know you better / have more talks in the future.

@twdeadfanfic I love your fics, first of all. You’re an amazing writer and you blow me away with each new one you post. I know we don’t get to talk often, but I enjoy talking to you.

@heel-rollins you are a sweetheart. I love talking to you and I wish we got to talk more, tbh.

@hamstxr I love your posts, they always make me smile. I wish we get to talk more and you seem like a really sweet person.

@kittysilver86 Kitty, I love you. You’re a positive and sweet person and your writing is so good and so fluffy yet dirty, I love it. I love Ava as a character and I love these little universes you make up. Your posts always make me smile and honestly, I just wanna hug you. I really enjoy being friends with you even though we don’t get to talk often.

@schizoauthoress You’re a really kind person. I really enjoy your posts on my dash and I love the talks we’ve had there. If you ever wanna talk my DM’s are always open. You seem really down to earth and really open and I love that. I hope to get to know you better this year.

@vonschweetz Von, I am so proud of you. You’ve been through a lot and you went above and beyond to rise out of it all and you’re thriving now. You’re a huge inspiration and you’re so freaking sweet that like.. If anyone ever tried to hurt you, I’d probably give them these hands. I love talking to you, I love looking at your edits and I really, really, really love your fics. You always make me smile.

OLD FRIENDS:

@helluvawriter you’re a kind person and I love you so much. You’re a really amazing writer and you’re always so down to earth. You were the first friend I made in the wrestling fandom way back when and even though we don’t get to talk much anymore, I love you and I love our talks when we do. You’re an amazing mother. I hope if I ever get to be a mom, I’m like you. I’m so glad we’re friends.

@andie01 holy shit.. You’re so much fun to talk to. I love that you’re as blunt as me and that we can just DM back and forth about total randomness. I love Beasts, it’s one of my favorite fanfictions of all time. I love you so much. Like.. you’re an inspiration to me and i don’t think you realize that. I’m so glad we’re friends.

@wrestlingismyguiltypleasure First of all, you’re an amazing mother. And I am so happy for you and your little family! I love talking to you, even if we don’t get to talk that much anymore, I enjoy our talks when we do. You’re going to get me to write Alpha!Ethan Carter III yet, I promise. It’s coming. You inspire me and I love the random things you send me to look at. I’m so glad we’re friends.

@kayah16 I wish I was half as creative as you. I love reading your one shots and I love you. You’re a really amazing and kind person and honestly, the world could use more of that. There are so many times I’m having an absolute shit day and I log on and you’ve sent me a recipe or tagged me in something that makes me smile. I wish I could hug you. I hope I can help you as much as you’ve helped me. If you ever need me, I’m here. I’m so glad we’re friends.

@missjenniferb I love the random thirst tags and the dm’s at 1 am, they always make me smile. I love that you tag me in Bucky things now, because that’s kinda how I got so deep into him. I blame you for that. I really have so much fun talking to you because it’s like… the lengths of our dirty minds combined, and i live for that. You always make me smile, I just hope I make you smile too. I’m so glad we’re friends.

@heelsamizayn you’re also another person I started to talk to way back when and honestly, I really, really, really love you. You’re a sweet and blunt person who isn’t afraid to say what she thinks. I love talking to you, whether it be about any of our thirsts or whatever we’re writing or random stuff that irritates us both during the day. I’m so glad we’re friends.

@bo0kitten I really love our talks. We like a lot of the same bands, and you always have these well thought out opinions / facts on things. I love seeing you on my dash and I really wish we got to talk more often. I’m so glad we’re friends.

@chasingeverybreakingwave BB you really didn’t think I was going to forget you.. Noooo. Never. I love talking to you and I love your posts / live blogs. You dragged me kicking and screaming into Jimmy Havoc and I love you for it. You’ve also gotten me into music that I hadn’t ever heard before too. Never change, bb! I’m so glad we’re friends.

@calwitch MOM HI! I love you. And I will totally let you adopt me. You’re kinda stuck with me now. I love your posts and you never fail to encourage me when I need it most. You’re a sweet person and totally down to earth and open. Some of your comments on my fic posts have given me that little nudge when I needed it most and I can’t thank you enough for that. You’re an awesome and fun person and I love that you don’t hold back on anything. I’m so glad we’re friends.

@markostuntthesehoes I absolutely adore you and I love your writing. I love our talks, the things we’ve bounced back and forth over DM’s. You’ve gotten me to really appreciate people that I wasn’t sure about before talking to you. Your posts always make me smile and you’re an absolute gem. I’m so glad we’re friends.

#putting this on my writing blog bc some of you lovelies don't follow my personal and I wanna make sure everyone sees this #if I forgot you please don't think that means I don't like you bc I love all of you #I just have the memory of an actual goldfish #2020 thoughts #if you wanna get to know me better my dm's and my asks are open always #just not on anon bc nope fuck anon

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goldenxsunshine · 4 years

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🤶🏻it’s past midnight and I just got home from work and I even went through my night skincare routine!! Like from Thursday till Sunday the “mall”( i don’t remember if I explained it to you that the place it’s like a mall with tons of different restaurants and a library and wine bar) close at midnight but the positive note is that tomorrow I got the afternoon shift again so I can sleep in !!! Also I am so sorry I feel like I keep talking about this job a lot but it’s like one of the major source

of joy at the moment shhxjd alsooo let’s talk about you! I am glad that you opened up and I am also happy that your exam went great wbk you’re SMART smart! Ooohhh not long till the secret santa reveal are you excited?? I am kinda nervous because I really wanna keep talking to you after it’s over 🥺🥺 completely unrelated but I am reading a fic and like that was the first time that someone ever mentioned my city in one of those and I am like !!!!! but also ???? bc my city is the Narnia of Italy —

— and this person when they wrote it were like “yeah let’s make Harry and Louis have a trip there” like ??? thank you I guess??? I feel like I am throwing topics at you right now but I am just so happy and excited about how my day went and I just want to talk to you and I love you too I hope you’re doing all good and well okay?

No you didn’t but it’s kinda nice to have a place with all these types of stuff innit? Idk but the image i have of the mall is definitely quite nice!! Also i’m glad you had the afternoon shift, cause midnight is late to come back from work!! And please don’t apologize for talking about your job, i love hearing you talk about it, it’s clear that you love it and i couldn’t be happier for you!!! kasjdha we’ll see about that when i get to my january session of exams lmao

ALSO YES I KNOW!! I’m so so curious to know who you are, and tbh i’m also kinda nervous cause i feel like it’s always easier (at least that’s what i think) to talk anonymously, BUT just so we’re clear i refuse to stop talking to you cause i really really enjoy it and i love you!! So idc what it takes, we’ll keep on talking ✨

“Narnia of Italy” 👀 wth does that mean asdkhajh, like as in no one talks about your city ? I need details plssssEither way you got me curious about what kind of fics you’re reading rn and what kind do you usually read, so like do you read lots ? And if so do you have like favorites or favorites trope ?

And honestly i don’t mind you throwing topics at me, like for real i just love that you had an amazing day you deserve it, and i love seeing how excited you are for it!! And i am doing well thank u, im finally on my break and also TOMORROW IS GOING TO BE SO GOOD!! I’m finally gonna see my newly-born (is that even a word akjgah) nephew and i’ve seen so many pictures but like,,, it’s not enough i NEED to see him and hold him and kiss his tiny little hands cause he’s too adorable 🤗 AND we’re picking the christmas tree so yeah it’s gonna be good, then i can focus all my energy on balancing studying and resting so yeah we’ll see how this goes

#asks #secret santa

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silverinia · 5 years

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For that fic ask thingy... tell us about Lillies 😊😘

Hahaha, what all 15 questions? Okay, let’s do this 🙅🏻‍♀️

1: What inspired you to write the fic this way?

It must have been during one of my TGW rewatch sessions that I realized that after ep 1x13 they never mentioned Spellman and Diane being threatened by him again (I guess they were still experimenting with the characters and this storyline only served to show a more vulnerable side of her and to introduce us to her conflict of being pro gun control but still enjoying to carry at the same time). And the idea for the fic just popped into my head and wouldn’t let me go again, so yeah, here we are 😄

The most important thing to me was to do it in a respectful and realistic way, I never wanted to write about the topic of sexual assault for the assault itself, rather wanted to show those characters trying to wrap their lives and their relationship around it and moving on together, if that makes sense. That’s also why the bigger part of the fic takes place after the incident.

2: What scene did you first put down?

Well… I did start with the first chapter and took it from there, I find that this is the easiest way for me to write because I can build up the suspense more easily when I do it like this. The first scene that I pictured in my head before I even began the outline though was their fight in Chapter 11, that was the scene that wouldn’t let me go and eventually made me write it all.

3: What’s your favourite line of narration?

Hmm, I think it’s a tie between “Skin against skin, their embrace was the peak of intimacy in the purest and most innocent way.” in Chapter 38 and “And all those realizations, all those great things about this wonderful man who was standing there, waiting for her, waiting to agree to spend the rest of his life with her and the huge declaration of love he had just wordlessly told her with the way he was looking at her and the fact that she was finally able to hold that gaze, they shot hot tears into her eyes.” from the wedding chapter. That first one really reflected the deep level of trust between them, even though she wasn’t ready to sleep with him again, and I liked the contradiction in the term peak of intimacy. And the latter, I don’t know. It summed up their journey in this story, how he helped her overcome those insecurities, how he gained her trust over the course of this and, tbh, I also just really liked the image of her, walking down the aisle to him…

4: What’s your favourite line of dialogue?

Okay, there are certain parts of dialogue that I liked, but for stand-alone lines it would either be “You’re not a victim, Diane. You are a survivor.” (Chapter 28) or “Diane, you never needed anyone to save you. […] But I’m glad you let me help you save yourself. Because I love you.” (46, proposal chapter) (side note: this line was one I wrote towards on from a very early chapter. I thought about making it the last line for quite a while, thought about putting it in his vows but then settled on this), both said by Kurt because I needed him to believe in her strength at a time in which she couldn’t do that for herself. I like the empowerment of her independence in those lines. They really sum up how I wished to portray a woman who was forced to go through something like this. Like a survivor instead of a victim and as someone who didn’t need a knight in shining armour to save her from the pain. That was really important to me.

5: What part was the hardest to write?

God, so many 😂 The nightmares and their aftermath were very, VERY difficult though. Most of Kurt’s and Will’s dialogue with Diane in the greater part of this were incredibly difficult because I remember just sitting in front of the screen and thinking, What the hell are they supposed to say? I realized how intuitively you fall into the clichées of ‘How are you?’s or ‘If there’s anything I can do…’s and that sucks. Because it’s obvious that they’re not good. And it’s obvious that someone like Diane would never reach out for help if they don’t just give it to her without another word of questioning, as they end up doing. So, yeah. That was hard. But I wanted to do it right, so I guess it was at least worth it 😅 at least I hope so.

6: What makes this fic special or different from all your other fics?

One, that it was my first. I had almost 40 chapters of it written when I began to post it because this was all new territory for me, fanfiction, this particular fandom and their response to new writers, general perception of a difficult topic like rape… And then, of course, my own response to writing about it. I mean, as a writer, you really don’t just need to dive into those characters’ heads but also into your own to put at least a few emotions into it. I didn’t know if this was going to bring me down really bad, if I would cry during the process (fun fact: I did. Three times, I think) and if I could even go through with it and finish it at all. I also went through a lot of major life changes when I started to write this and I think that not only my writing changed a lot over the cause of it, but I as a person did, too. It’s very close to my heart. I associate certain chapters with the states that I was in when I wrote or edited them and that makes it pretty special 💕

7: Where did the title come from?

Okay, I really don’t know how to answer that. I’m really, really bad at coming up with titles. Actually, I think that this didn’t have a real title up until I started posting it because then I had to name it somehow. I’d referenced both the infamous white calla lilies and the smell of gunpowder a lot already at that point and I kinda just thought that they were sweet symbols for the two of them 🤷🏻‍♀️ I played around with several different titles and when this came out of nowhere, it felt right. It made sense because it was like a theme, threading through the story, and it sounded melodic and I honestly was just glad that I didn’t have to name it something too long and too ridiculous, like I did now with most of my other fics 😶

8: Did any real people or events inspire any part of this?

Difficult question. I think that (sadly), most women have had to deal with sexual assault at some point in their lives. I saw my friends and family reacting to my stories in similar ways Kurt does in the fic.

On a lighter note, a guy I really loved inspired lots of the happier parts in it. And my best friend, my own, female Will Gardner, she’s in a lot of it, too 💕

9: Were there any alternate versions of this fic?

Only in my head. Regarding whether or not I would have Kurt shooting Spellman, if I would kill Spellman off at all, if they should get married in the end, if I would write about Diane handling a rape case when she’s better (found the middle ground on that one in the epilogue, but this could have been an entire storyline) and so on. But the version I uploaded is the only one I wrote, though I did consider writing a sequel for it until I decided that the two of them had suffered enough in this alternate universe, so I created a new one around my idea and Everything’s gonna be alright was born.

10: Why did you choose this paring for this particular story?

Okay, first of all, I’d say that I chose this story for the pairing and not the other way around, and yes, I think there’s a huge difference in that.

I wanted to unravel them. They’re such amazingly complex characters, both incredibly proud and I really wanted to make them vulnerable (as I’m typing this, I’m very aware of that this makes me sound like a freaking psychopath). And the no. 1 thing, apart from politics, that always drove Kurt and Diane to each other was the (sexual) attraction between them. And while it is of course another layer of the depth of their relationship, another level of their bond, I wanted to explore the characters in a state where that bond was no easy way out. Two people that tend to choose physical attraction over having to deal with their emotions, who choose make-up sex over talking through their problems (sans season 3 of TGF because they’re perfect now), I wanted to explore what would happen if they couldn’t do that anymore, put them in a situation in which they had to confront major issues in another, healthier way.

11: What do you like best about this fic?

Oh God.

I tried to make it emotionally deep and respectful regarding the heavy topic. I tried not to rob Diane of her independence, rather wanted her to find additional strength in Kurt instead of completely making her depend on him. I wanted her to work this out in realistic timing and I didn’t want to rush their way back to physical intimacy. I wanted him to react to her pain and her ways around it, find his own mechanisms to deal with those and to the pace she set with it in the right way. And I don’t know if I did all that, but I’d like to hope so.

And I really like Chapter 38, because I think it underlined a lot of that.

And I ended up really liking the title of the fic.

12: What do you like least about this fic?

Hah, definitely the first few chapters. I mean, the characterisation was alright I guess, but my writing was just awful. Like, I never love my writing but sometimes it’s exceptionally bad, as it was in those first few chapters. Sometimes I scroll through them and want to rewrite it all, but it’s part of the journey and that’s why I don’t do it.

13: What music did you listen to, if any, to get in the mood for writing this story? Or if you didn’t listen to anything, what do you think readers should listen to to accompany us while reading?

I always listen to music when I write and the first thing that comes to mind here is Debussy’s Clair de Lune. And not just Clair de Lune, no, I mean the YouTube extended version that keeps on going for an hour. Over and over again. That’s why I referenced it in the proposal chapter, it really deserved to be mentioned at that point.

I also listened a lot to Lana del Rey and Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds during Chapters, I dunno, ten to thirty, I guess, for the angsty mood (honourable mentions: Tomorrow never came, Young and Beautiful, Art Deco and Blue Jeans; Into my Arms, Henry Lee and Where the Wild Roses Grow (ironic, I know)) and the song Firefighter by Cigarettes after Sex.

And for the happier Chapters after that lots of Cigarettes after Sex and Beach House (literally cannot put what their music does to me into words. It’s art, almost magical, really) (honourable mentions: Apocalypse (please do yourselves a favour and listen to this song), Sweet and Sunsetz; Myth, Space Song and On the Sea (over and over again during the epilogue)), Florence and The Machine AND Home by Edward Sharpe and the Magnetic Zeros. Lots of great music.

14: Is there anything you wanted readers to learn from this fic?

Huh. Well, it might sound bitchy or self-absorbed, but I mostly just write what I want to write. I want to study characters that I love and I want to write in a way that might hopefully touch people on any level, whether it’s humour or angst, I kinda just like the idea of writing words that make people feel things.

But if anyone’s learned something regarding the subject and their views about it, I’m more than happy and thrilled about that, though I wouldn’t put the praise for that on myself but rather on the ones who learned, you know? ‘Cause it’s one thing to write, it’s another thing to learn from reading. That requires more effort on the readers part IMO. I just can’t say that it was my intention to write something that holds major life lessons or revelations, I really just wanted to write and reach people emotionally by doing that and to maybe give them something they would enjoy by doing something that I enjoy.

15: What did you learn from writing this fic?

That love doesn’t solve all issues solely by itself and that it’s only enough if every involved party works to let love stay a beautiful thing instead of letting it grow to become something painful.

I learned a lot about sexual assault and how it’s handled in the social system when I did my research.

I already knew that if bad things happen to you, they still don’t need to define you if you don’t let them, but I learned that it’s not a bad thing if they shape you in some ways.

And I learned how much I missed writing until I did it again for this fic. And I learned that, oddly, my writing is able to touch some people. And even though I don’t want other people’s feedback to be my motivation when I write, I learned how wonderful it is to have strangers reaching out to you when they take joy from something you love to do.

—–

This is long, but yeah. Thanks for the questions, honey, this was very nice ❤ I feel all warm inside now, ew, feelings, ugh.

#fanfiction #fanfic #ask #can i tag mchart?#i'll just do it #mchart #thanks for the ask!#i loved this #lilies and gunpowder

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gingerdrab · 5 years

Text

Trick or Treat

Ship: Wonwoo x Reader Genre: Fluff, Halloween shit Word Count: 2.8k Summary: Wonu, a shy, quiet boy in your class, overhears you saying that you’ve never celebrated Halloween before. He makes it his mission to change that, since he loves Halloween, and just may have a thing for you… Writer’s Notes: breh I forgot to post this damn sorry lol, i got so super busy with work omgggg. also, I wrote this before the Halloween Vlive so wow thanks Minghao 4 wearing this costume and messing up my fic ugh lol jk ily anyways, hope u like it, this is my first ever Seventeen fic so yeah and it was rlly rushed tbh

“I can’t believe you’ve lived your entire life from childhood, into adulthood, without ever celebrating Halloween.”

Dara, the rather annoying, loud-mouthed girl who sat next to you in your poetry class, stared at you in utter disbelief after you had casually mentioned that little fact about yourself.

“I mean, it’s really not that big of a deal? It’s just not really a thing where I’m from and it’s my first year being an exchange student here so…”

She continued looking at you as if it were your fault that the entire season of Autumn chose not to exist where you grew up. Class had just ended and all the students were piling up behind you, eagerly trying to get through the doors and out into freedom. It was Friday, who could blame them? You cleared the door and tried to lose Dara in the crowd (lord forbid you’d have to listen to her drone on and on for another minute), walking quickly towards the library.

“Never celebrated Halloween…. Hmm….. But are you gonna celebrate this year, though?”

The question this time, belonged to a deep male voice. One you were sure you hadn’t heard before.

You stopped abruptly and spun around, causing a tall dark-haired figure to almost crash into you. You stared at him in surprise and mumbled an apology. He shook his head quickly, a small smile on his lips, and pushed his round glasses higher up his nose.

“You’re Y/N, right? I’m Wonu.” He introduced himself, his voice quiet and low.

“I…. didn’t know you talked to people” you replied, trying to remember when you’d ever seen him interact with anyone before. He usually sat in the back corner of class and almost always had his nose buried in a book.

“Well, I was curious. About your Halloween situation, I mean.”

“You know, I don’t see what the big deal is. But whatever, I have to go now anyways. Bye.”

You turned around and continued your quest, still a bit confused as to why the shyest boy in the world had chosen to talk to you about something he just randomly overheard.

As you walked onto the courtyard, you wiggled deeper into your scarf, the cold air biting at you. You noticed a shadow growing behind you.

“Are you following me?” You slowed down till you were walking side by side with Quiet Boy.

“I’m going to the library.” He said softly. “But you still haven’t answered my question, though. Are you gonna celebrate this year?”

You began walking up the library steps together. You felt most amused than annoyed by his persistence, so you continued to entertain him.

“I wasn’t planning to. Why are you so interested anyways? Are you the Pumpkin King or something?”

“Aha! So you do know Halloween things at least!” A look of almost victory playing across his face.

You both sat across from each other at an empty table at the end of the deserted library. You studied the boy as he reached into his backpack and pulled out a very worn out novel. You’d never seen him this friendly, or even happy. It looked good on him. He was a handsome guy, you supposed; with his short, messy raven locks, pretty lips, and dark, mysterious eyes. Really handsome, actually. You wondered why you’d never paid him much attention before now.

He looked up at you, your eyes meeting for a while.

“I just really like Halloween. And I think you’d like it too. You should go find some books about the history of it. I know you like that stuff.”

He quickly averted his eyes, blushing slightly from his oversharing.

“How could you possibly know what I like? We’ve literally never spoken before.”

His cheeks and ears turned a deeper shade of red. He looked into his book and replied, “I read your blog. And I always see you in here. You sit and research and write for hours.”

It was your turn to blush. “I-I didn’t think anyone I knew even read my stuff…” you muttered, heavily embarrassed.

He smiled again. “Well, to be fair, you didn’t really know me.”

“Wow, so you’re like a fan then?” you joked playfully. You both giggled, and you couldn’t help noticing how cute he looked.

You started thinking about what he had said. You actually knew quite a bit about Halloween, and you were totally willing to participate in some events. The problem was: you didn’t actually have any friends. Unless you counted Dara. (Which you totally didn’t.) This was only your fourth month here, and you’d been really focused on adjusting to school, and life in general, and hadn’t really had time to make friends. You knew a few people around campus, but not enough to call them friends. You wondered if Wonu had friends. What would he be like with them? Laughing and smiling? Funny? Serious? …..Cute?

Your phone buzzed in your pocket, forcing you out of your little daydream.

[4:01PM] Dara: I saw you talking to that creepy boy from class. Just be careful.

Creepy? You looked up at him, his eyes focused on the words in front of him, barely aware of what was happening around him. Creepy how? Yeah, he dressed all in black every single day and didn’t speak to anyone ever. But you definitely weren’t getting a creepy vibe from him. You ignored the text.

Wonu turned a page in his book, unaware that the way you were staring at him could probably bore a hole into his skull. You looked at the way his eyes flitted across the words, and how his tongue peeked out between his teeth. He was totally caught up in his own little world. It was adorable. You felt content, and finally reached into your bag for your laptop so you could write, thinking to yourself “ohmygod he reads my blog?!”

Somehow, your library visits together started becoming a regular thing. You’d both just ‘end up’ at the same table after class, him reading, and you writing, a comfortable silence between you two. It was a week after your initial meeting, and you both sat in your usual spots, this time, feeling just a bit too distracted to do any actual work.

“So you’ve never decorated for Halloween? Visited a pumpkin patch? Carved a pumpkin? Nothing?”

This again. You shook your head for each activity he mentioned.

“You’ve never been trick or treating?”

You laughed. “It’s not really a big deal! Besides, I’m too old for that one anyways.”

Wonu paused, looking at you incredulously. “Excuse me? Too old for dressing up in costumes and collecting candy? That’s the best part of Halloween! I can’t believe you’ve never done it before.”

You smiled at him and leaned your chin into your hand. “I guess I used to want to, when I was younger. But there was nowhere I could, and no one to do it with.”

The small smile growing on Wonu’s lips had a glint of mischievousness to it.

“Let’s go trick or treating, Y/N.”

He looked like an excited puppy. You, on the other hand, were simply confused.

“I’m serious! There’s gonna be a Halloween event on campus. We can dress up and walk around to the different departments… I think we’re all just trying to reconnect to our childhoods here, you know?”

“How do you even know about this?”

“I’m the Pumpkin King, remember?” he said with a smirk. “I’m kidding, my friends are the ones organizing it.”

So he did have friends.

Monday morning was fast approaching, your weekend had been a blur. You and Wonu had grown even closer via text, but you kinda wished you had gotten to see him over the weekend. You were simultaneously looking forward to your poetry class, and also dreading it. Dreading it, because there would be a randomly selected Haiku presentation, and you hated reading your work in front of anyone; but you were looking forward to sitting next to Wonu.

You got to class slightly earlier than usual and chose the seat next to the one he usually sat in. You knew it would be empty anyways. “Uh, Y/N? Why are you sitting there?”

It was Dara. Ugh. She looked from you to the door that Wonu had just started walking through and quickly got the picture. Quiet Boy reached his spot and stared at you, a faint blush rising on his cheeks.

“Mornin’” he whispered, while sitting next to you.

“Hi!” you replied, a bit too cheery, embarrassing yourself. Dammit, I seem too eager, don’t I? Your thoughts were racing. The majority of class passed with you sneaking looks to the boy next to you, constantly finding yourself blushing, and once or twice, catching his eye and seeing him turn slightly pinker. Your professor’s voice pierced the room suddenly, interrupting your sweet daydreams.

“Presentation time! Who’s going first?”

His eyes scanned the classroom, searching for either volunteers, or just someone unsuspecting to pick on. You kept your head lowered, anxiety wringing your insides, when you heard the seat next to yours creaking.

Wonu was standing up.

“Uh… I’ll try…”

You stared at him, a mixture of surprise and interest dawning on your face.

“This is… a, uh…. autumn-y thing, I wrote. Um, the theme was kinda open so… I just went with it-

In summer, I saw

Her in the sea of faces.

In autumn, I fell.”

Dara wouldn’t stop talking your ear off at lunch. She had heard about the Halloween event that would be taking place on campus and was gushing about what she was going to dress up as and who would be there and other boring things you tried not to take notice of.

“You should come with me! It’ll be your first Halloween thing! You can be something really cute and sexy!”

You turned to look at her, putting on your best annoyed expression.

“I’m already going. With Wonu.”

Dara faked a smile. “I thought you’d say that. Are you two dating or something?”

You sputtered, red tinting your cheeks already. “Wha- No. That’s – no – just stupid. Haha. No!

We’re friends. And he’s not creepy. He’s just… quiet.”

“Hmm. If you say so. I figured after that super obvious poem last class… Whatever.”

She walked away in a huff, much to your pleasure, leaving you to grow steadily more embarrassed just thinking of the poem and of dating Wonu. You’d be lying to yourself if you said you weren’t almost totally smitten by him. And even you had thought, or at least hoped, that the haiku he had written really was about you. Was he falling for you too? Did he even mean it like that? As if summoned by your thoughts, the Quiet Boy himself appeared at your side, taking a seat and grabbing some of your chips.

“Hey. I just got out of class.”

You almost choked on your drink. He was so friendly now, it made you both exhilarated and nervous.

“Hey! You nearly killed me, thanks.”

“Sorry,” he chuckled. “I wanted to ask you about the party.”

“Hm?”

“Did you.. have any ideas on what you wanted to dress up as?”

You definitely had at least 17 ideas. You’d never gotten to dress up for Halloween before, so you’d been toying with the idea of some classic costumes. But then, of course, there were the funny costumes. And memes. Would it be lame to try to make it cute or sexy? Stockings, mini skirt, and push up bra? Would it be weird to make it extra scary? Fake blood and gross scar makeup; the full works! You weren’t sure, but you knew whatever you picked, it had to be good.

“I don’t know yet. What about you?”

Wonu hesitated, shifting his gaze from your eyes and onto his hands. “I do. But it’s super cheesy.

It’s, uh, kind of a couple costume.”

You blushed a deep scarlet shade. You knew exactly what he was thinking.

Saturday evening found you standing in front of your mirror, applying blue makeup to your face. The costume Wonu had gotten for you was a perfect fit, and you couldn’t help getting more and more excited while you put yourself together. The doorbell to your apartment rang just as you were finished securing your long, red wig. The butterflies in your stomach became frantic with the realization that you were practically about to go on a date with your crush. (I mean, basically, come on)

You raced down the stairs and pulled open the door.

“Hey Sally”

Wonu stood in front of you with a smirk on his lips, looking absolutely handsome in his black and white striped suit and his face in matching paint.

“Hey Jack”

You giggled, feeling a bit ridiculous.

“Is this too much? We’re probably gonna get made fun of, aren’t we?” you questioned, locking your door and getting ready to head to campus with Wonu.

“Probably. But’s it’s definitely worth it. Don’t you think?”

You hummed in agreement, dropping into a synchronized walk with the tall guy.

You arrived on campus to see what could only be described as the Most Extra little Halloween village, complete with carved pumpkins everywhere, fairy lights strung from the trees, skeletons hanging on every corner and cute, spooky ghosts propped up against the walls. The place was crowded with college students mostly in costume, drinking, dancing to music, and just hanging around. A large number were making the trick or treating rounds, collecting candy (and sometimes shots of vodka lmao.) Wonu reached for your hand, and you felt your heartbeat quicken. You looked up at him to see him smiling, a soft blush rising on his cheeks.

“You look so excited. It’s way too adorable.”

He was right. You were the cutest right now, nearly bursting at the seams with delight, and now, even more so as he held on to your hand.

“Let’s go!” You both walked down the makeshift street, which was just the decorated hallway, stopping at each makeshift ‘house’, which were in actuality just classrooms. Each time you stopped, he let you be the one to knock and shout “Trick or Treat!” while almost erupting into laughter each time. At each of the ‘houses’, cute guys stood, giving out treats. They were introduced to you as Wonu’s friends, and without fail, they all teased him about the hand-holding thing. (And yet, he never let go.)

After visiting all the houses, and meeting all his friends, you settled on a bench at the end of the Halloween Street, already half-way through your third candy bar.

“So… I didn’t realize you were this popular. You’re so quiet all the time.”

He sat next to you, reaching over for some chocolate.

“Yeah, I just like to keep to myself. I mean, other than those guys you met, I don’t really talk to anyone else. I know most people from my classes think I’m some creepy guy.”

“I don’t think you’re creepy,” you said, smiling up at him.

“Even with the skeleton makeup?” he laughed.

“…it’s kinda sexy actually.” You felt your cheeks grow hot at your own boldness. Ohmygod, you actually said that.

You took a tentative look at Wonu next to you, who you were happy to note, was wearing a blush that matched yours exactly. He cleared his throat before fidgeting profusely and then said,

“So I … I hope you’ve figured out that this was a, um, date.”

You felt yourself growing braver and more playful at his returning shyness.

“A date? Well you never officially asked me, so I figured ─”

“Remember the haiku I read in class?” he cut you off. Your heart pounded a little harder, your previous glimmer of hope growing much larger in your mind.

“That was about you.”

Your heart practically stopped. In your head, you had turned into a teenage girl fist-pumping in exhilaration.

“Are you saying that you ─”

“I’ve been thinking about you since I started reading your blog. And since I started seeing you writing in the library.”

“Definitely a secret admirer then,” you smirked.

“Definitely. So can this be a date now then?” he questioned you, staring directly into your eyes, suddenly seeming braver than before.

You stared back at him, your gaze flickering briefly to his lips. He was close enough for you to feel his soft breath on your face. The makeup he wore over his eyes and cheeks honestly made him look hotter than usual, which was saying something. You nodded and were barely able to finish saying yes, when he moved forward, closing the space between you, and pressing his lips to yours. You leaned into the kiss, reaching your hand around his neck, and burying your fingers in his hair. You pulled apart from each other, after what felt like an eternity of innocent bliss, smiling widely.

“Good. Cause I really like you, Y/N” He stated, with the most confidence you’d ever seen from him since you started talking. He reached for your hand again, this time intertwining his fingers with yours.

You leaned forward slightly and pulled him in for another kiss. “I really like you too, Pumpkin King.”

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snapsnapmyturtleback-blog · 7 years

Text

Headcannons for the Group Therapy fic thing cuz it was requested like twice that I continue this so. I might do a fic later, no promises.

This also includes stuff already mentioned in the fic ‘Group Therapy’ which I wrote :D

I know someone else made some headcannons that i kind of base some of these on ? but i read a lot of headcannons so i dont exactly know which are based and what theyre based on. Sorry.

-Eddie has social anxiety and is a huge germaphobe

-He and Stan bond over cleaning things and how neat things should be.

-Eddie is very nurturing and will disregard his germaphobia if it means he can comfort someone

-also very badass ??? Eddie will use all of his first aid kit for his friends and he’ll punch people in the face if they mess with them

-Eddie is the only one that Stan will touch him bc Stan knows that this kid washes his hands more than Richie makes crude jokes and he basically bathes in hand sanitizer so he’s the cleanest

-Eddie is so good at handling emotional episodes and panic attacks that the others go through ?

-Like he’s internally freaking tf out but in the outside he’s so cool and collected that it’s hard to feel threatened around him

-has like friend crushes on everyone ? Like he only wants to date Richie but he loves he others so much that he hates being apart from them

-Stan has OCD and is obsessed with the number three.

-He prefers Stan over Stanley because Stan Uris is three syllables.

-Everything in his room is sorted in three; pants, shorts, and underwear. Polos, button ups, and t shirts. Etc.

-Everything he does is in sets of three and he’s constantly bullied bc of the panic attacks he’ll get during class or when he helps the teacher clean up and ends up sort everything in the classroom into threes.

-Stan’s dad took him birdwatching in an attempt to get Stan out of the house but at the same time keep him in a calm environment and he loved it so much so now they regularly go birdwatching for exactly three hours

-Stan goes to school two hours early so he can arrive at six and he is allowed to leave three minutes before everyone else so he doesn’t have to come in contact with people

-for the first week of school, they forced Stan to try and be like everyone else and it didn’t work ??

-like he doesn’t know what they expected but he couldn’t do anything bc if he wasn’t having a panic attack, he was compulsively tapping his desk or the wall in threes in an attempt to calm himself down

-Stan wakes up at five thirty am every morning

-he goes to bed at nine pm

-it’s like fucking clockwork and if he’s even a minute off, he’ll be hella upset and no one wants to see Stan upset

-Mike has insomnia and stays awake for days on end.

-He survives purely on coffee from the coffee shop located down the street from the school where the rest of the losers go to

-he’s really good at hiding the bags under his eyes by keeping his head tilted forward so the bags look like shadows and no one looks close enough to tell the difference.

-if it gets bad, he uses make up to cover up the bags under his eyes

-he loves talking to people so much ? Especially kids his age bc he isn’t really exposed to anything back at the farm

-he was actually the only one who was really excited to do the group activity

-Bev and Richie were okay with it bc they knew they’d see each other but Mike was excited !!

-new people to meet and talk to ??? Hell yes !

-he and Ben hang out pretty regularly at the library to find history books and discuss them

-they’ve gotten into some pretty awesome debates that would end abruptly bc they’d get really heated and the two boys would start laughing bc they can’t take each other seriously

-Mike likes to draw and he does it mostly when he can’t sleep

-One time Richie had spilled some water on a picture that Mike was drawing and Mike didn’t talk to Richie for a week and a half

-Ben had to convince him that Richie didn’t mean it and that Richie was probably sorry

-of course Eddie made Richie apologize

-it wasn’t very sincere bc Richie + an apology is just a mess

-but Mike accepted it and forgave him nonetheless

-Bill has mild depression and can see and hear a clown (Pennywise) talk about his brother

-no one else can see this thing so Bill feels like he’s tripping balls 90% of the time

-he can see Georgie too which is why he’s so adamant about finding him alive bc he can’t be seeing Georgie’s dead ghost ?? That’s not allowed ??

-Bills stutter had gotten so much worse after Georgie’s disappearance and at this point he just doesn’t talk in public

-Bev steals money from her father for cigs and weed that she buys from Richie because he charges her a lot less then most of the dealers she’s encountered

-she has like three outfits that she wears but that’s it. Don’t even try to buy her clothes bc she just won’t accept it.

-she smokes her sadness and fear away. That’s how she copes and it’s really not a good habit but she doesn’t really care

-Beverly and Richie smoke up on the rooftops during gym class and sometimes whenever Richie needs a break during whatever class bc the boy gets very overwhelmed very easily ??

-Bev is the only person who can tell when he’s getting overwhelmed and since they had every class except for Spanish and geography, she’ll always pull him aside and go for a smoke whenever he looks tense.

-Beverly is such a fucking babe ? Like she does literally nothing and she’s so pretty ? But she hates compliments with a passion.

-only Richie can compliment her without getting slapped

-I’m living for the Bev and Richie friendship tbh they’re like siblings and will die for each other.

-one time Henry Bowers was hitting on Bev and wouldn’t leave her alone and Richie fucking decked him

-Richie left with a black eye, busted lip, some cuts, and some burn marks (curtsy to Patrick) but it was fucking worth it

-Bev is like 10/10 great at making deals. Patrick and her are actually acquaintances bc Bev gives him new lighters when his run out of fuel from terrorizing people and his weed goes missing all the time so she give him some of hers so he’ll leave her alone

-Ben is so fucking soft ?? I love him so much

-he is literally the embodiment of a book, flower, and warm aesthetic

-Ben cares about people so much ? Like he will fuss about his friends eating but then he will forget (or sometimes purposely) to eat

-he’ll be so into writing poetry for someone cough Bev cough that he’ll just not do his homework or remind himself to stay hydrated

-but what’s weird is that when he reads, he’ll be brought back down. Like the self image problems and the forgetfulness temporarily go away

-he’ll be reading a history book that he borrowed from Mike and suddenly he’ll remember that he hadn’t eaten all day and he’ll ask his mom for something to snack on as he reads

-or maybe he’ll be reading a book for school and then he’ll think “shit when was the last time I had some water ?”

-And he spends most of his free time in the library reading or writing so he knows the librarian personally and uses her first name

-he even has his own little place to go with a mini fridge so he has something to eat whenever it hits him that he needs to do shit to s u r v i v e

-Richie doesn’t even want to go to therapy but it’s helping him so he just deals with it

-Eddie and Bev being there is also a plus

-Richie is broke asf so he basically makes Bev pay for his sessions in exchange for weed

-He steals the weed from Patrick and whenever the school decides to have drug dogs come, he just slips that shit right back into Patrick’s locker

-Richie really likes Eddie ?? And he sees Stan as like a little brother that’s easy to annoy

-he’s indifferent towards Ben and Mike bc like he doesn’t interact with them very much but when he does, they’re okay

-Bill is a fifty fifty. Sometimes Richie respects him bc the dudes brother is dead and here he is getting help that’s pretty fucking cool but other times it’s like shit does this kid ever take less then ten minutes to say something ?? And who tf does he think he is telling Richie what he can and cannot say

-Richie has little to no sexual experience so everything he jokes about is purely based off of what he’s read online

-the little experience that Richie does have is making out with Bev while they’re high

-Richie is always the second to arrive (Stans first, he arrives three hours early) and he’s always the last to leave with Eddie.

-he does the same with school, even if he does skip a lot

-he’s really fucking smart tho so skipping class never fucks with his grades

-he tries to stay out for as long as possible bc the boy doesn’t like staying home alone or with his drunk mom

-he has some anger issues

-he and Bev have a thing where every night they go out and break shit

-he really cares about these idiots in his group therapy

-like he could get extremely annoyed with them sometimes but he will fight for them

-Stan was once trapped in a locker by the Bowers gang and Richie was the one who found him

-Stan was freaking out bc he was in an unsanitary locker and he was supposed to have left two hours ago

-Richie calmed him down and took him home

-now Stan allows both Richie and Eddie to touch him

-Stan is basically Reddie’s son at this point

-Richie steals everyone’s clothes all the time and he just walks into they’re house, except for Bev.

-Knocking is not a concept to this kid and it pisses everyone off

-Richie once walked in on Bev and Ben making out in Bens room. He simply smiled and said “wow the new kids on the block poster must be a real turn on for this sex fest, eh ?” and left

-Richie now has a burn mark on his collarbone from Bevs cigarette

-Richie has to take like three different medications and when they were trying to figure out the dosage, it was a rough couple of weeks

-basically these kids are all fucking messed but we love them anyways

#therapy group fic #tylers au #headcannons #reddie #benverly #but just a little bit #i love my children #richie tozier #eddie kaspbrak #stan uris #ocd!stan #mike hanlon #ben hanscom #beverly marsh #bill denbrough #the losers club #it 2017

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1000-directions · 6 years

Text

30 questions

i got tagged FROM THE FUTURE by @dearmrsawyer did you know that it is already tomorrow there?? (spoiler alert)

(i think someone else tagged me for this pretty recently, but i can’t remember who, i’m sorry!!!!!!! sorry if i end up retagging you for this like an idiot 😩)

1. Nicknames? steph is really my only nickname 2. Gender? girl 3. Star Sign? aquarius 4. Height? 5'5 5. Time? 10:18pm 6. Birthday? january 22 YEAH ME AND FREDDIE TOMLINSON ARE BIRTHDAY NEIGHBORS 🤗🤗 7. Favorite bands? one direction, niall’s band, louis’ band, harry’s band. uh. i don’t listen to much else anymore. i was really, really into tegan and sara for very many years. 8. Favorite solo artists? louis tomlinson. niall horan. bebe rexha. ME. i love my own music, that’s why i wrote it, sorry not sorry ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ 9. Song stuck in my head? miss you by louis is the only song i can remember for the foreseeable future <-- this is jamila’s answer and also my answer and also the only acceptable answer 10. Last movie you watched? i’ve been on a marvel kick the last few days. i liked spider-man: homecoming the most, but captain america: civil war is the one i watched most recently. 11. Last show you watched? um i’ve watched 47 episodes of “agents of s.h.i.e.l.d.” in six days, sooooo let’s hear it for unemployment tbh 12. When did you create your blog? my first post is dated november 26, 2016 WHOOPS MISSED MY ANNIVERSARY 13. What do I post? mostly one direction (mostly louis). fic recs, and sometimes even fic that i wrote. i like to reblog illustrations of positive animals giving encouragement. i like science stuff and underwater animals and sometimes but not always anatomy. crafts. pictures of things with bisexual colors. 14. Last thing I googled? "cranberry bog” bc i wanted to find a picture of them to show jamila, but they were all so awesome i couldn’t pick just one. HEY, if you don’t know how cranberries grow, do a google image search for cranberry bog, that shit is wild. 15. Do you have any other blogs? nope 16. Do you get asks? i do <3 i get prompts, which i always read and think about and save, and i’m gonna get around to all of them eventually, i hope!!!! i get some anons about elounor and lad and dad stuff. lately i have a generous anon who gives me presents <3 17. Why did you choose your url? i was 1000_[something elses] in a lot of different places, and when i made my ao3 account, i needed to choose a name i would remember but didn’t want it to be the same as my previous usernames, bc i do want my 1d life to be separate from my real life and also my other internet presences. and then i made this url to match that name, although i’m REAL MAD that tumblr forces me to have a hyphen instead of an underscore and THEN makes it so you can’t track tags that have hyphens?????? so dumb. 18. Following? 105 19. Followers? more than 105, less than 500 20. Favorite colors? green! G R E E N. i like grey and light purple, too. 21. Average hours of sleep? lately, too many. i was back to a pretty decent sleep schedule for like a week, but it’s been really, really bad since thanksgiving, especially the last few days. 22. Lucky number? 22, which is also the number of this question, wow 😱 23. Instruments? guitars and keyboards 24. What am I wearing? black yoga pants from target, which have basically become my uniform, and a grey tanktop 25. How many blankets do I sleep with? right now three bc i’m too cheap to turn my heat on and it’s fucking cold. normally, only like one thin blanket bc i am always hot and sweaty >:/ 26. Dream job? louis tomlinson’s pa so i could get him coffee every day and he’d be forced to tell me what he gets from starbucks 27. Dream vacation? i wanna go to australia so so so bad, and i have for years. i wanna go to kangaroo island and tasmania and sydney and melbourne and i wanna eat a pavlova and a passionfruit and i wanna hang out with jamila. i am also really excited about going to red rocks and meeting everyone, by which i mean i am terrified about it to the point that i start crying if i think about it too much bc i’m so worried no one will like me in person lolol mental health is awesome guys 28. Favorite food? pierogies, vegetarian matzo ball soup, thanksgiving leftovers all piled in the same bowl, chips and guac with frozen margaritas and a good friend to talk with 29. Nationality? american. i had a hungarian grandmother and a russian grandfather, and then i’m polish on the other side but they came to the US like many generations ago. 30. Favorite song right now? i love one (1) song

tagging: @sarcathlon @nocontrolforlouis @niallspringsteen @alligatornyc @nothanksweregood @oopsi1d-ditagain @flora-flauna

#tag i'm it #me me me #story of my life

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fanatic-writers · 7 years

Text

The List (Part One)

A/n: OH MY GOODNESS I AM SO SORRY! This ended up being very personal (tbh it should just be called Why G has anxiety) all italics are flashbacks. Also, this is written differently than the other fics I’ve written, so I hope you like it! -G

Pairing: Loki x Reader

Warnings: Mentions of self-hate, anxiety, swearing?

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It was strange, going through her things without her there. He would've asked permission but he couldn't. She'd been gone for a month or so, and the god hated to admit it but he missed her, and he needed something to remind him of her. So he started going through some boxes in their shared closet. After finding an old report card, Loki figured that he was digging through the girls old school books. Pulling out a few notebooks he leafed through the pages of old writing. Stories she wrote as a child and something about a land for zebras to live happily. The god chuckled when he found an old photo of her on, what appeared to be, her first day of school. Her hands gripped the straps of her bag tightly, and she was giving the camera a large, toothy smile.

He continued to flip through the notebooks finding that the stories began to gain more depth and the writing became neater. He examined the girl's notes in history and the comments she made on her teacher.

“This unit would be so much better if we actually got to learn about mythology" he read “not like Mr. V would know shit about that either the only thing he knows about Vikings is the football team.”

Loki smiled again, he somehow always forgot that she enjoyed the bedtime stories told about him.

He continued to smile as he read on about the horrible Mr. V and how this man somehow made her hate history class more than math. Her hatred for her teacher became more apparent as there were fewer notes and more doodles covering the lined paper. His smile didn't fade until he flipped through a few empty pages finding one that was full among them.

“Things That Bother Me” he read. Her handwriting had matured again, and it was as if he was reading a poem she'd written him yesterday.

The way I look

The god was confused, the two of them had been dating for about a month. He figured that was a miracle on its own, but she seemed to be growing distant.

“Is everything alright?” he asked her one night

“Yeah,” she shrugged “everything is fine. Why?”

“You just seem,” Loki paused looking for the right words “different,”

Her face grew pale, and she looked down at her lap “I'm alright,” she stated

“Are you trying to convince me or yourself?” he asked

“I dunno,” she sighed “I just, why me?” “What do you mean why you?” the trickster questioned

“Why did you choose me?” you asked “There are far better-looking women in the world and you picked me,”

“Darling, the way I see it, you are the most beautiful woman on this planet,” he assured her

“Thanks,” she smiled weakly

Loki sighed “Who made you think you weren’t beautiful.”

She shrugged again “I dunno, me I guess,”

“Well you are unbelievable,” he said, “and you have the best ass in all the nine realms.”

She chuckled “I knew you were only here for my butt,”

“That amongst other things,” the god’s eyes darkened

“Do tell,” she smirked

Loki’s mind raced with the memories of that night. Thinking back it was the first time she’d opened up to him, the first time her anxiety had leaked through the shield she put up around herself.

2. I’m talentless

Loki frowned, how could she think she was talentless? She had done so many amazing things.

The trickster peered over her shoulder trying to see what was drawn out on the pad in front of her. It looked like a bunch of shapes to him, but she’d gone through several papers.

“What are you doing?” he asked sitting next to her on the sofa

“Nothing,” she replied making wild movements with her hand on the paper

“What are these?” he questioned uncrumpling the papers next to him

“Aren’t you just full of questions?” she said taking the papers from him

“I’m just curious,” he responded sneaking a piece of paper away and hastily unfolding it “that’s me,”

“It’s not good,” she said

“It’s amazing,” he responded

She narrowed her eyes “I’ve seen better,”

“Well, I like it,” Loki confessed, “maybe I’ll show Thor?”

“You wouldn’t dare,” she said “not that one,”

“There are others?” he questioned

“What do you think I’m working on right now?” she said

It took a few hours, but that was the last paper she used that night. A day or so later Loki saw her sitting on the sofa with a blank page in front of her.

“Did you finish the last one?” he asked

“Kinda,” she said “I don’t really like it,”

“Do you ever?” he questioned taking the pad from her and flipping to the picture. It was one of the best drawings he’d seen. It was as if he was staring at a picture she’d taken

“What don’t you like?” he asked

“The shading is all wrong” she responded

“I see,” he replied carefully removing the picture from the pad

“What are you doing?” she questioned taking the pad away from him

“I’m taking this,” he stated, “I look like a king.”

“That’s the point,” she smiled “you really like it?”

“The only thing it’s missing is a crown,” Loki commented

“Gimme,” she replied taking the drawing from him and doodling something on it. When she handed it back, the god noticed a small crown floating above his head.

“Much better” he smirked

3. I think things that aren’t true

He found her curled in a ball in her closet, tears stained her cheeks. The god didn't know what to do, should he comfort her? Should he leave her? Maybe she just needed to be alone, or maybe she needed someone there but couldn't ask. He didn't enter the closet, but he sat down in the doorway if she needed someone she had someone, but if she didn't the girl could easily ignore him. He noticed her sobs begin to quiet, like she was holding her breath, trying to hide.

“It’s just me,” he called softly

Her breath hitched, and he could see her curl tighter in the closet.

“Do you want me to come in?” Loki asked

“N-no” she muttered “yes…”

The god frowned and crawled into the closet and pulled the girl into his arms. He didn't ask her anything he just held her if she needed to talk he was there but if she didn't want to, there was no pressure.

“Y-you weren't supposed to see this,” she paused “see this me.”

“It’s alright love,” he assured “I understand,”

“I'm sorry,” she cried

“For what?” the god asked pulling her closer

“For- for not telling you,” her breathing became more sporadic “for not being, being who you thought I was”

“Darling it's alright,” he said calmly “I promise, just breathe ok?”

She nodded trying to calm herself and breathe with him. That night she fell asleep in his arms, they both slept in the closet.

4. I'm not a nice person

Loki looked at the words, again and again, he could actually understand this one, sort of. Y/n did have a tendency to snap at people or be sassy, and sometimes she was rude, but she always had a reason. Generally, if you didn't piss her off, she was kind and usually caring.

“Don’t you fucking dare,” she scowled

“Don’t what?” Tony asked

“Don’t act like you’re better than him,” she said, “don’t act like you haven’t made your fair share of mistakes.”

“I’m sorry I didn’t try to kill an entire race or take over the world,” he retorted

“But your robot child did,” she countered

“He’s not my child, and Bruce helped too,” Tony stated

“Bro,” Bruce said looking up from his papers

“He didn’t want to help,” she replied “besides Ultron was your idea,”

“Well I’m not inherently evil like him,” Tony said

You groaned “He is not inherently evil, I figured you’d understand him, try to at least get along with him but no.”

“Why should I?” he asked

“Because he’s going to be living here and you can’t just ignore him, and you can’t be a dick to him,” you answered

“Aww,” he pouted “don’t want me to hurt his ego?” “No, I don’t want to hurt yours,” the girl glared

“Sweetheart,” Tony started before Bruce cut him off

“Bad idea man” he called from his desk

“I thought you weren’t getting involved” Tony called back

“As much fun as it is to watch her kick your ass I don’t want to clean it up again,” Bruce replied

“Just try to be nice to him,” she said

“Fine,” he paused “but if he’s an ass.”

“You’re going to be the better person,” you finished for him and walked out.

Loki may not have been the argument, but Thor had told him to go to you if he had issues with everyone and he soon learned the story. He didn’t understand exactly why you stood up for him without knowing him yet, but he had to admit it was a nice change.

5. I have no friends

That was a blatant lie, in fact, she was out with her friends now. Not just her friends her family. Loki wanted to delve into this list a bit further, use it as a way to help. That was if he could help if she wanted his help. But as he was about to read the next item on the page her voice rang through the air. She wasn't due back for another day, the mission must've been easier than they thought.

“Loki?” She asked he rushed to shove the notebook back where he found it and pull out a photo album knowing he wouldn't have enough time to put away the box.

“I didn't know you looked this cute as a baby?” he said as she walked through the door her cheeks flushed red

“What are you doing,” she asked

The god merely shrugged putting the photo album back along with the box it came from.

“You were gone an awfully long time, darling,” he said

“Aww, you missed me” she teased

“I did not” he stated

“Did too” she sang walking out of the room “how about we fix that with a movie?”

“As you wish” Loki called getting up from his spot in the closet

“Just for that we’re watching The Princess Bride” she smiled.

It was hard for Loki to believe that she couldlook and seem this happy after what he had just read. He figgured that after reading eb=ven just part of the note he’d see all the things he missed before but she hid it so well. No wonder no one knew what was really going on in the girls mind.

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A/n: I hope you guys liked it! Part 2 should b out next week? I am so sorry it took me so long! -G

#loki x reader #loki #loki laufeyson x reader #Loki Laufeyson #loki laufeyson fanfic #loki fanfiction

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lexpistachio · 7 years

Text

just jackparse - a ficrec

for my sister who requested this rec 82 years ago. special thanks for those who painstakingly linked me new fics in my askbox. you’re the real mvp!

some things first:

divided into AU, pre-canon, canon/canon divergence, and future

word length categorized as

short fic = less than 10,000 words medium = 10,000 - 20,000 words long = 20,000 - 60,000 words novel length = 60,000 - 100,000 words

format as follows:

title - author | rating | length | various tags | gratutious commentary by me

summary

just ctrl+f if you wanna find by rating (e.g search for: long) or other tags (eg. smut, humor, au)

★ are personal faves

some liberty was taken in rating fics that are not rated

might update in the future; if i missed something, i’ll be happy to read your rec!

Kent pressed his fingers into his eyes until his vision swam for reasons other than the salty tears welling up in them. “Are you seriously asking me to fly across the goddamn country to hold your hand while you cut me out of your life?” me: you know what this fandom needs? me: an eternal sunshine au me: only without the happy ending

I’ve Been Closing My Eyes by perfectpro ★ - teen | long | inception au | angst | you don't understand how much love i have for this fic. SO MUCH LVOE

Jack Zimmermann? You worked with him and Kent Parson together? What happened?” Bitty asks before he can help himself.

Everyone’s heard the stories. Parse and Zimms, taking the world of dream share by storm, trained by Dominic Cobb himself. Ten years later, no one’s heard from either in two years.

Shrugging his shoulders, Shitty tries to think of how to phrase it. “No one comes out of Limbo the same.”

Kent knew about superstitions before he made it to hockey. He knew about black cats and broken mirrors. About stepping on cracks and throwing pinches of salt over his shoulder. Kent knew about magic before he found hockey.

Jack hums and smiles, but otherwise doesn’t respond. They sit in silence, and he bites his tongue to keep from saying anything. There is no sense disrupting this fragile peace that they have.

Here is the deal he has made with himself: Jack is forbidden, until after the curse of the seventeenth summer. Kent does not want to do anything to let the gods know how they could hurt him the worst.

why do we fall? by sparklyslug - teen | short | touch telepath! jack au | epikegster | angst

“Didja miss me?” Kent had asked / looking strong/ look good/ looking happy/I could stand here all night and all day and just look at you/ and Jack’s control had crumbled, jerked him out of step with time and out into the swirling minds of the college kids filling their house, his consciousness sent running by the brightness in his own chest.

Corporal Kenny,” Jack huffed into Kent’s ear. The arms around his waist tightened.

“Captain Jack,” Kent teased right back. “You outrank me, Zimms.”

The Daily Grind by JaneJHills - mature | long | abandoned wip | the coffeeshop au that was foretold

It’s not that Jack wasn’t into relationships; it’s just that Jack wasn’t a relationships kind of guy.

maybe i’m falling for you by madameofmusic - teen | short | coffeeshop au | this is really cute <3 i too lament the lack of more cutesy coffeeshop aus from this ship. this one’s great tho

Jack’s normal coffee shop relocates, and he’s forced to start buying from the cat-themed coffee shop down the street, Catppuccino. It’s cheesy as hell, but the coffee’s good, and the "purrista” better. Jack doesn’t miss the old shop.

“Shush,” Kent says. “What have you got that says, like, thanks for not judging me when I get wasted on Moscato and pass out on your couch, and also sorry about that? Hypothetically.”

“Hypothetically,” says the florist, lips quirking, “I’d recommend either white tulips or blue hyacinths.”

Even the plainest of the plain shall deign to reign (and boy, you're reigning over me) by exbex - gen | short | high school au | chubby!jack | kent pining over shy jack is cute, yes

Lardo looks at Kent with the most knowing look he’s ever seen aside from his own mother’s. “Kent,” she finally replies, “I like you Bro. So I’m going to give you the following information. Information, which, I assure you, is publicly available. Jack, who transferred in weeks ago, Oh Unobservant One, knows me through GSA. Jack is not straight. Jack likes hockey, among other things. And that is all the emotional labor that I am doing for free.”

Shitty found Kent on the porch. “Saw your girl here,” he said. “Can’t believe you actually got her to come to a party.”

“She’s not my girl,” said Kent, trying not to blush.

“She should be,” Shitty said, smiling and leaning against the railing. “Blind man could see the way you look at her, and you’re the only person she likes at school.”

Twenty Feet Back by floatingstark - mature | short | wip | daddy!jack au as in literally-a-dad-jack

Kent is aware this is a little odd; he’s standing behind some trees on the other side of the park, pretending to stretch but actually just high-key spying on a hot dad and his kid.

i'll be your platinum by achilleees ★ - explicit | medium | sugar daddy!jack au | daddy kink | angst and fluff | this is the one daddy kink fic that made me swoon, it's the banter and the way they fall for each other slowly that takes my breath away | sorta sequels here and here | better yet, read all the entire unrelated daddykink series she wrote

Wicks took a deep breath, then let out in a rush, “So I’ve been catfishing this dude online with your pictures so he’ll buy me free stuff, only now he wants to meet in person to hand off the suit jacket I need for Ginger’s wedding tomorrow, so I need you to meet him outside the Burberry at the Copley mall tonight to pick it up for me.”

Kent couldn’t speak for a minute, because he was laughing too hard.

here in the present tense by achilleees ★ - teen | short | soulmate au | bodyswap |

Jack isn’t really sure what he was expecting when he went to sleep on August 2.

Kind of. Or maybe he just doesn’t want to admit that he genuinely thought he’d wake up in Georgia, in those checker-patterned, sunlight-limned sheets. That he’d go downstairs and hear Suzanne Bittle bustling around in the kitchen, and greet her wearing her son’s socks and his pajamas and his sweet, bashful blush.

Dynamite Boy by TomatoBird - gen | short | wreck it ralph au | glitch!jack | the concept is genius, i’d gladly read 50k more words of this

In which Jack is simultaneously a glitch, a child of champions, and an aspiring player in Hero’s Duty, and Kent is just someone he happens to meet along the way.

“You don’t have to trust me,” Kent said, “you just have to let me do this.”

Jack has spent many years away from his father's court. Now he must return to wed Kent Parson at last, with all those years and hurts between them. It's not pretty.

the light of all lights by decinq - mature | short | vampires au | look, it's not endgame and has open-ended j/b ugh but i feel like every ficrec should have at least one vampire au

Jack says, “Would you rather be able to fly or have super speed.”

The corners of Kent’s mouth tug into a small smile, and he says, “Compared to you, I do have super speed.”

Jack elbows him, hard. Jack asks, “What about being able to see the future?”

Kent thinks, they’ll end the movie here.

The story, of course, goes on.

rentboy jack and his nhl star boyfriend series by achilleees - rentboy!jack | prostitution au |

so put it on me - explicit | short | pining | smut

It will be a cold day in hell before Kent has the fortitude to say no to that pout.

“Ugh,” he says. “It’s just a dumb fantasy, man, it doesn’t matter.”

Jack cocks his head at him. “I am in the business of fulfilling fantasies,” he says. or, eloquently summed up by a friend: "Ugh poor Kent is so in love"

all the hearts they're messing with - teen | short | angst and fluff | trade |

As soon as Kent gets home, he pulls out a pad of paper and a pen and makes a list of his options.

1. Tell Jack you got traded. Get dumped. Cry in your cheerios.2. Hide from Jack that you were traded. Buy out (?) the Vegas media so they don’t cover the story. Bribe NHL.com Break Jack’s laptop so he can’t read NHL.com anymore. Fly back on off-days (?). Have plan fall through because plan is dumb. Get dumped. Cry in cheerios.

“Are you mad at me?” Kent says.

Jack meets his eyes in the mirror, gaze stormy.

“I’m just trying to get along with your parents,” says Kent. “I thought that’s why you brought me here.”

Second Chance by bittlebunny - mature | short | blind date au

“I know, I’m sorry.” Jack repeats. “It was wrong. I just didn’t know what to do, I don’t usually do that type of thing.”

“You should more often. You know you could probably get laid every night if you wanted to?”

Jack blushes and looks down into his black coffee, not quite agreeing with that sentiment.

This is a 16-fic series that centers around Jack and Kent and their history and their future. It follows canon, with one major difference; Bitty decided not to go to Samwell. Each fic is named after and based around a song on the Deluxe version of Troye Sivan’s album Blue Neighborhood. The first two fics are chronological, because they’re in the fic’s current time (2018) in the frame of the story. Most of the fics in the series are told through flashbacks and time jumps, though, and the stories switch back and forth between Jack and Kent’s perspectives.

pre-canon

meet you in the middle by madameofmusic - teen | short | pre-slash

Kent meets Jack Zimmermann for the first time.

A lot of things can happen if a cat is set loose in an ice rink; Kent never thought this would be one of them.

Or: “I may have brought my pet to the rink by accident and it may have escaped you have to help me.” AU

it’s too close for comfort by achilleees - teen | short | pre-slash | cats

“Go suck your own dick,” Parse grumbled. “I’ma find the cat.” Both pairs of shoes wandered away, and Jack was almost relieved until suddenly, without warning, the high tops came back and light flooded his sanctuary as someone crouched and lifted the hem of the tablecloth.

“Hey, you,” Parse said to either Jack or the cat, he couldn’t tell.

the bluest things on earth by blazeofglory - gen | short | drabble | pre-slash

Kent Parson isn't gay, he isn't, but there's... There's something about Jack Zimmermann.

Even though they're linemates, Jack doesn't know Kent all that well. He certainly doesn't expect the American to come look after him when he's unwell on their first roadie.

Count on It by bienenalster - gen | short | pre-slash | codependency | world juniors

Specifically, in which Jack and Kent fail at playing against each other.

Generally, in which Jack and Kent fail at being reasonable human beings. Or, the lighter side of codependency.

Smoke Gets in Your Eyes by bienenalster, Pax - teen | short | pre-slash maybe | mutual enabling

Jack can appreciate a good game of beer pong in someone's basement, especially when Parse is on his team, one arm around his shoulder as he tries to get Jack to miss his shot.

(Jack never really understood how Parse can just turn it off like that. If you want to win on the ice, then you should want to win all the time. Even at stupid things, like beer pong.)

(Jack has never considered the possibility that beer pong might not be the only game Parse is playing.)

but then his hands roamed by defcontwo - teen | short | first kiss

Jack’s hand pressed into the small of Parse’s back during team meetings, where no one else can see, and Parse toppling into Jack’s lap whenever he gets drunk enough that no one will blink twice at it.

A game of chicken, or a game of chance. Jack doesn’t know which one it’s going to be just yet.

you're neck and neck or cheek to cheek by punkpadfoot - teen | short | first kiss | i'm in love with the author's style of writing, and i love the tentativeness in this fic--they're shy and hesitant; their dilemma feels true

Kent’s always been fairly affectionate, but this thing with Jack is something else entirely.

the spark in your eyes, the look on your face by oscarmild - teen | short | drabble

Jack knows that Kent is his friend- his best friend, even. But lately, it’s been starting to feel like more than just friends.

Insults for Your Lovers by SummerFrost - teen | short | inter-class | social class difference | friends to lovers

Things Jack has: Brand new yellow sneakers, an expensive truck, Kent Parson.

Things Kent has: Converse with holes in them, riding shotgun, Jack Zimmermann.

Count on It by bienenalster - gen | short | preslash | codependency | world juniors

Specifically, in which Jack and Kent fail at playing against each other.

Generally, in which Jack and Kent fail at being reasonable human beings. Or, the lighter side of codependency.

What's Better Than This? Just Guys Bein' Dudes by Bittyybee (sunlight) - mature | short | massages | first kiss | ust

Kent's shoulders hurt. Jack gives good massages.

Kent spends the beginning of his summer with hockey prodigy/best friend Jack Zimmermann because they're young and they can and Kent likes getting free things.

"I know how you get all psycho near a game, don't worry. Just uh- maybe find a healthy way to release that frustration." Kate suggested as she turned and winked at Jacq. "Y'know what I mean?"

"Not hockey?" Jacq asked confused.

"Not hockey." Kate repeated, meeting Jacqs eyes.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

its pimms cis swap smut!! enjoy!!

A Quiet Kind of Intimacy by alpha_exodus - explicit | short | first time | smut | photography

Jack doesn't really care about having a roommate on this roadie - that is, until he heads to his room and finds out his roommate is Kent Parson.

touches my foolish heart by foxfireflamequeen - explicit | short | first time | pwp

“That,” says Kent. “Was the most uncool moment of my life.”

Jack’s still laughing, the fucker.

First by omgericzimmermann - gen | short | first times | drabble | fluff and angst

They were just kids.

They were so young that everything was a first.

tear at the seams by defcontwo - mature | short | drabble | angsty smut

This is what Jack lives for: The second he touches down on the ice, his mind clears. For sixty minutes, he is nothing but a blank slate, a white board that fills itself up with plays and tactics, a steady hand on the stick and a heart that beats for nothing else.

So he sits next to Jack on roadies, bumping their shoulders together amicably as Jack chews on his lip and stares out the window at the passing scenery. He leans into every casual touch - Jack’s gloved hand on his back, their skates knocking together on the bench. Seeks him out on the ice, feeling a thrill when their passes connect effortlessly; slams him into the boards after game-winning goals, their teammates piling up around them but it’s Kent’s fist clutching the back of Jack’s jersey, Kent’s voice yelling in Jack’s ear.

If Jack notices, he doesn’t say anything.

Kent still hopes.

Good Things Ahead by perfectpro - teen | short | fwb

Jack doesn't want to go to a party, but Kent's pretty sure that he can be convinced.

Mutually Assured by Verbyna - teen | short | codependency | has kent/ofc | angst

The smile on Kent’s face is all wrong. He fixes it.

we gaze up at the stars above our heads by alyssakate - teen | short | fluff (mostly)

I don’t know if we’ll ever see each other again, or when we meet our ends, but please just let me hold your hand.

There's thirty-four days of what feels like an endless summer stretched between the Memorial Cup and the NHL draft. Thirty-four days days of each other. Thirty-four days left.

four strong winds by defcontwo - teen | short | fluff with an angsty ending? (a tag that could be patented to this ship that's for sure) | i just love my teenage boys on dates and living in the moment ok

The sales pitch is irrelevant: this moment right here, sitting in the front of Kent’s piece of shit pickup truck, listening to “Party in the USA” on the radio at top volume – that’s all the convincing Jack ever needed.

Or: Kent and Jack, a carnival, and the last gasp of the 34 days.

follow my lead by mardia - explicit | short | the seduction of jack zimmermann | kent here is wily but his conviction is compelling | podfic available

Kent likes to have his fun, likes to mess with people, but there's something about messing with Jack that's just so deeply satisfying for him. He can poke and poke and he'll get a reaction every single time. No matter what, no matter how blatant Kent gets or how he pushes it, he'll get that same wide-eyed disbelieving stare, that same red blush staining Jack's cheeks.

New things by robokittens - explicit | short | smut | pwp

"Jack," Kent mumbles into Jack's neck. "I wanna try something."

wax/wane - explicit | short | angst | smut

Things will come full circle for Kent – he's sure of it.

party pieces by familiar - explicit | short | smut | pwp | painplay

From the early 2008 so-bad-it's-good sex idea vault: "It’s just him and Kent and the really stupid idea that was beating his ass raw with a hockey stick." Gotta hit it with something, you know?

search the world for something else by somehowunbroken - mature | short | second person POV | angst | au

Your name is Jack Zimmermann, and you were born into hockey.

Ode to Joy by coyotesuspect - mature | short | drunk sex

December 31st, 2008. Parse has a good feeling about the new year.

mess you made by schwule - mature | short | angst

Jack’s life hasn’t been very exciting, despite what people may think. Kent might just be the most thrilling thing that’s ever happened to him.

only time is ours by thistidalwave - mature | short | angst

Jack always feels like he’s running. Running to catch up. Running to get ahead. Lungs burning. Legs about to give out. Falling behind, behind, behind. Coming in dead last, even when he hits the finish line before anyone else.

Leaving Me Stranded by mardia - explicit | short

Jack’s dad and Kent really get along great. Which isn’t a surprise, they’re basically the same sort of person--outgoing, funny, always ready with a story or joke--so when Kent comes out to dinner with Jack and his family, it’s basically those two monopolizing the conversation for the entire meal.

an empty room by quietest_one - explicit | short | smut | established relationship

The Combine is a mad rush of a long weekend, painfully sober, gloriously exhausting. Kent is on the road to reaching his dreams, and he's taking Jack along for the ride. (Or, two boys exchange handjobs around the back of a gym. Whichever you prefer.)

the heart is a risky fuel to burn by idrilka - mature | fluff and angst | established relationship

Montreal in summer is hot as hell, the heat sticky and clinging to the skin. (There were the thirty-four days in the summer of 2009, between winning the Memorial Cup and the NHL Entry Draft in Montreal, where things were perfect. This is one of those days.)

let me feel i'm falling safely to the ground by natscribbles - mature | short

Kent doesn't know which what ifs are more dangerous, can't tell which ones hurt the most.

I Love You, He Thinks by blithelybonny - teen | short

It's the night before the draft, and Kent knows that this is probably the end.

my versailles at night by thistidalwave - teen | short | au | first kiss

But now—now it’s the quiet of the early morning, they just won the Memorial Cup, and Jack doesn’t want to let this moment pass him by.

where we went by speedboat - mature | short | dysfunctional relationship

Once in the car, Kent does three things: he googles "valium+vodka"; he shakes Jack awake; and he takes a napkin and wipes the tears away from Jack's face.

or: Parse was the one who found Jack during his overdose.

or: In Defense of Kent Parson.

34 days by thistidalwave - explicit | short | fluff and angst

There were the 34 days in the summer of 2009, between winning the Memorial Cup and the NHL Entry Draft in Montreal, where things were perfect. Who wouldn’t want that back?

it's the stars that score by perfectpro - mature | medium | angst

It’s a week until the NHL draft. A week until he stops competing with Kent and starts competing against him. A week until he finds out if his dad’s name carries more weight than Kent’s skill does, and Jack sometimes has a hard time breathing when he starts thinking about it.

It’s why he tries not to think about it.

Three Words, Repeated by Freudianity - explicit | short | fluff with an angsty ending

5+1 Five times Jack told Kent he loved him, and one time he didn't.

to you he is a room by punkpadfoot - teen | short | angst | kent pov to the story followed by the next in this list

He’s happy now—the weather is warm and the grass is soft and there’s still a pleasant buzz in his head. Jack is close enough to touch. Right now, summer’s end feels distant, less of a looming presence and more of an exit they’ve yet to reach.

to them he is a mirror by misandrywitch - teen | short | angst | jack pov to the story which precedes this in this list

All Jack knows is that after this summer, everything is going to be different.

larger than life by Verbyna - teen | short | also helpfully tagged as: the making of Kent "Victory" Parson“

Everything feels like the end of the world when it happens. No one can see the future, so it’s hard to believe it exists.”

Kent’s dad wasn’t always right, but he was right about that.

if you are looking for the demons that play well with your own by storiesfromtheden - gen | short | angst

Kent spent years counting the things that were not right.

Like A Missing Limb series by thatallone - teen | short | angst | suicide attempt

Without You

Prompt: "You need to wake up because I can’t do this without you.”

[delete]

Kent typed out a lot of texts to Jack in the summer of 2009. He never worked up the nerve to send any of them.

physical or otherwise by jedusaur (podfic - audio only) - explicit | audio length: 3:33 mins | this is short and packs quite a punch; please give it a listen!

"Listen to me, Jack. I am not going first in the draft because of your shitty impulse control."

city without seasons by thepalebluedot - teen | short | angst

It’s hard to measure time in a city you don’t believe in.

Kent after the draft.

Countdown by SummerFrost - mature | short | drabble | angst

Kent Parson spends three years of birthdays asking for Jack Zimmermann. Jack gives what he can; sometimes it's enough.

what might have been lost - mature | short | angst | ransom and holster reads fic au | 5+ 1

five times jack and kent loved each other (and one time they couldn't)

So if you don't mind, I'll walk that line by alyssakate - teen | short | au |

Kent and Jack play each other at World Juniors in 2008 and then again in 2009.

A story about winning, losing and coming to terms with what really matters.

no sign of land by perichareia - gen | short | unrequited love | angst | 2nd Person POV

i love him.

you’re seventeen years old and the words echo in your head like the aftershock of a heavy check into the glass. for a long moment, your world stops.

dodging bullets with your broken heart by perfectpro - gen | short | angst | mostly jack-centric, but i feel like it's in-character with how jack compartmentalizes his life, which explains a lot about the tension with Kent refusing to be boxed and be forgotten

Kent belongs back in Juniors. Kent belongs at Rimouski, and on the bus traveling to roadies, and on the ice with Oceanic. Kent does not belong on the front porch of the Haus.

Five scenes between Ashley Parson and her brilliant, miserable, wonderful big brother. Or: Kent Parson, growing up.

Role Models by MisconductandMimosas - gen | medium | au | read the rest of the series here

Jack and Kent both missed the draft, albeit for completely different reasons

-or-

“For your ThrowBack Thursday of the week, we sat down with two of the NHL’s finest, Trotsy of the Aces and McLeed of the Rangers to talk their record-breaking Memorial Cup win as well as former juniors star and Zimmermann liney- Kent-“ Holster looked at the magazine article and blinked- “Parson,” he said at a lower volume. “Kent Parson? I forgot about that guy. How did they even find him?”

history begins to be blue and brown eyes by decinq - teen | short | angsty ending, with j/b

There are articles upon articles about their on-ice chemistry, the way they move around each other like the well-oiled grooves of an impeccable machine.

welcome to the second reel by idrilka - teen | short | angst

They win at home. It goes all the way to game six, and then they win in their own home arena after it goes to double overtime, and Kent gets to lift thirty-four pounds of silver into the air.

(In the aftermath of the Aces' first Stanley Cup Championship title, Kent goes to Samwell on his Cup day.)

This is What Happy Looks Like by VerityR ★ - teen | short | angst | i just like the author’s writing of it

It’s been years. Six of them. Kent Parson is not still in love with Jack Zimmermann. But it’s not like he’s in love with anybody else. So when, in his dreams, he stumbles upon something approaching happiness, maybe the figure is vaguely Jack-shaped. Jack-adjacent. But that’s not the same thing as love.

canon/canon divergent

past the last exit by misandrywitch ★ - teen | medium | the prose on this one blows me away

Jack wonders when Kent started asking so many questions that he doesn't have the answers to. It felt so much easier when neither of them asked any at all.

Shut the God Damn Door by jedusaur - mature | short | au | angst maybe? short but poignant

What if Jack went first overall, as planned, and took his addiction with him to Vegas?

"Leave, Parse," Jack says. Again.

Or: Kent finds himself stuck in a time loop.

i thought of you and where you'd gone by runphoebe - mature | short | angst with a hopeful ending | has k/omc | love the fics like this that don't view jack with rose colored glasses

When Kent’s name gets called first, he smiles, and when he slips the jersey over his head, he smiles, and when he realizes he’s going to be in Vegas, Las fucking Vegas, he smiles so hard his cheeks ache. Just because Jack’s a huge fucking fuck up who can’t handle being number one doesn’t mean Kent’s going to cry about it.

In which Kent doesn't even bother trying to get over Jack because he knows it's a huge waste of his time.

you're writing your tragedy by forochel - teen | short | angst | podfic available Year 2, Comic 9, Parse - Part III, from Kent's perspective. | epikegster

I basically took 'Kent "Baby One More Time" Parson' and ran with it.

you're familiar like my mirror years ago by nighimpossible - explicit | short | accidental voyeurism | epikegster

Kent and Jack get reacquainted at the Epikegster.

Alternatively: Bitty hears something he shouldn't have.

New Start by SalazarTipton - teen | short | morning after | fluff | post-epikegster

The morning after falling into bed together during Epikegster, Jack wakes up in Kent’s arms.

To Hell With Why by angelsaves - explicit | short | j/p/omc threesome | smut | my alternative excerpt/summary: id have a 3some w/u, Parse texts him after a while. Thanks, Jack replies

Jack has been over Parse for ages. (At least, that's what he tells himself.) In which there is bad-idea sex, accidental voyeurism, an invitation (or two) to a threesome, an actual threesome, and 0% "being over each other" by volume.

the epikegster remix series by defcontwo

you can take this heart - teen | short | epikegster | reconciliation

"So, what the hell was that, then?"

Or: a way that Epikegster could have gone differently.

and don't let go - teen | short | post-epikegster | fluff

"Did you miss me at all?"

Or: what happens when a pair of dumbasses use their words a little better.

down the backs of tabletops by defcontwo - teen | short | has mentions of k/omc and past j/b

Breakups are a kind of private war, Jack guesses.

varied my velocities by punkpadfoot ★ - teen | short | tentative friendship | tears were shed in the reading of this fic

This should feel like a victory. This shouldn't feel like tiptoeing around broken glass.

This Time (I'm Telling You, I'm Telling You) by sparklyslug - mature | short | angst | established relationship

He and Zimms, they’re pretty good at breakups, historically. They’re pretty good at what comes after the breakup, anyway.

fated to pretend by nighimpossible - teen | short | humor | only j/p if you squint but it's goddamn hilarious with a side of ransom and holster

5 Jack/Kent fics that Ransom and Holster dramatically reenact for the Haus + the truth.

Not Quite Too Late by loveandallthat - explicit | short | au | reconciliation | ahhhh this is nice

Jack accidentally confesses on live television that he had a young love that ended badly. It’s possible that this isn’t quite as bad as he thinks it is.

Seven-Year Itch by Idday ★ - teen | medium | fake/pretend relationship | married au | angst with a happy ending

“I’m sorry,” Georgia says slowly, like she thinks she misheard him. “You said you’re… married?”

Amanda raises her eyebrows and taps something onto her keyboard. “That’s good to know, Mr. Zimmermann, but I’m sure you know that many of our players are married.”

“Right, but this is… different.” Jack says.

“Jack,” Georgia says, “Why did you never mention this before? Do I know your wife?”

“I’m sure you do,” Jack says carefully, “Only… it’s not a wife. It’s Kent Parson.” ... (So what if they’re not pretending to be married. They’re still pretending to be happily married.)

the nearer your destination by achilleees - teen | short | angst | open-ended

“Parse fought Averin because he was talking shit about you,” Max said bluntly. “And you being here is not going to put him in a better emotional state.”

neutral zone stickhandling by achilleees - explicit | short | injury recovery | humor (hallelujiah)

The splint around Kent’s leg is a feat of engineering, a hulking behemoth of black plastic and Velcro, but the crutches are sleek and slim. an alternate take on the March of Jack’s senior year.

Push/Pull by thistidalwave, Verbyna - teen | short | soul bond au | break up | I’m gonna miss him for the rest of my life" stayed with me | why do all the soulbond fics in this pairing all end tragically? Who holds the stars up in the sky? Is true love just once in a lifetime?

He looks at Kent and feels nothing, if nothing feels like a shattered rib cage, all the protection around his heart gone. Kent is right in front of him, his hair falling into his face and his hands clenched in the sheets, but if Jack closes his eyes, Kent could be anywhere.

(or, Jack and Kent can’t keep their bond if they both want to play in the NHL.)

bang the doldrums by Verbyna - explicit | short | has j/b | au but almost canon in my head how jack aggressively minimizes kent's importance in his pre-samwell years lol

Kent Parson is not Jack's friend. He’s a fucking fever.

Maybe Jack's not the only one who's scared.

Kent and Jack come out together. Not together together, though, no matter how much Kent wishes that were true.

Alternately titled: "the jackparse get back together fic."

Kent Parson has well over ninety-nine problems. He has a chronic potty mouth, a sneaking suspicion he may be an actual idiot, a narcissistically-named cat with gas issues, too many sisters... the list goes on.

Kent Parson has more than ninety-nine problems and Jack Zimmermann — freshly, resentfully and recently traded to the Las Vegas Aces — is definitely one of them.

you know i held on too much by unveils - explicit | short | fluff | smut | yay all the way for happy smut

It takes a minute for the pieces to work together in Jack’s brain, but when he catches Kent’s Britney phone case out of the corner of his eye, heat blooms in his chest to match the spread of red across his cheeks, embarrassment and something else entirely. He doesn’t duck his head, but it’s a near thing, under Kent’s crooked grin. “Really? You think now is a good time to be taking pictures?”

Two swipes and a press of Kent’s thumb has his camera app sliding open to the picture he took. Jack cranes his neck to see, but Kent presses the phone into his hand, slides his hands around Jack’s neck. “Dude, yeah. You make me look good, Zimms.” -- or: the one where jack and kent have fun with camera phones!

my honey i know by achilleees - teen | short | possessiveness | jealousy | reconciliation

After that, it happened more often than he would ever have wanted to admit. It was almost too easy; girls were always after Kent, but Kent spent too much of his time looking at Jack to notice.

For example, Kent texted him from chemistry one day. Hey lara and aly wanted 2 know if we wanted 2 go thrifting w them after school 2day. No, was all Jack texted back.

Kk, Kent replied, and they didn’t go thrifting with Lara and Aly after school that day.

we could be made for this by stereosymbiosis - explicit | short | pwp

Kent lifts his head and peers up at Jack. “Hey, Zimms, what kind of soap do you use?”

“I’m not sure this is entirely relevant, Parse,” Jack breathes out. Kent looks at the expanse of skin stretched before him, Jack’s muscles taut and twitching, the fucking perfect rise of Jack’s ass, Jack’s legs spread just so and his knees pressed into the mattress for leverage, and yeah. That can probably wait.

Jersey Memories by SalazarTipton - teen | short | reminiscing | hopeful ending

When Jack goes home to Montreal for break and just wants to get his assignments finished, but his parents keep giving him chores. When his mom sends him to look through his old jerseys, he gets lost in some old memories.

take me back to when we started by madameofmusic - teen | short | reminiscing | reconciliation

Kent gets a package in the mail from Jack six months after Jack signs with the Falconers.

They’re never going to be the same carefree best friends that they once were, and Kent’s getting around to accepting that. Things are good, now, but they’re not the same, and that’s okay. He’s getting used to it.

They’re better than they’ve been in years, and that’s really all that he can hope for, but sometimes Kent remembers all the texts he sent at 2 am and all the responses he never got.

Better the Second Time by loveandallthat - teen | short | au | reconciliation

He gets Jack’s text, “you don’t have to,” thirty seconds before he gets a direct email from Jack’s agent.

Of course he has to.

Or, Jack has a public event before he goes into the NHL, and Jack’s agent insists that it won’t be good publicity unless Kent is also there.

the heaviest of burdens by thekissofbees - mature | short | angsty pining

Kent sleeps with his phone resting on his pillow, the volume cranked up as high as it will go and the vibrate on. He’s stretched the cord of the charger out so that it will reach his bed, and the coating of the wire is beginning to fray and peel off at the top.

(Or: Kent waits for Jack to call.)

Like Slow Motion by apatientwolf - teen | short | reminiscing | angsty pining

//There in the bathroom I try not to fall apart and the sinking feeling starts as I say hopelessly "he said he'd be here"// OR Taylor Swift's discography is the soundtrack of Kent Parson's life.

The one where it's July 4th 2015 in upstate New York.

Getting Some Rest by SalazarTipton - gen | short | established relationship | fluff

There’s a box under Jack’s desk. When he works on a paper, he’ll kick his feet up on it. Everybody that comes in doesn’t notice it. If they did, it just looks like some miscellaneous box of whatever. Nothing special. They wouldn’t think anything of it. No one knows that battered, footprint covered cardboard box is Jack’s lifeline. On his hardest days and in the surreal, dark hours when his insomnia hits, he opens it up and is able to breathe.

Kent likes the difference between their bodies. He likes being shorter than Jack because he can curl comfortably under the weight of Jack’s arm across his shoulders when they stand next to each other, and he likes that Jack’s body on top of his is enough to hold him down and keep him there if Jack doesn’t want him to move. He likes that Jack has big, strong hands and big, thick fingers.

The Aces get knocked out of the playoffs and Kent Parson is having feelings about it. Jack Zimmermann is having feelings about him.

keep your lights on by ladyalysv - explicit | short | rebound sex | au | unapologetically elf-centric jack

At least with Parse, it's hard to fuck things up more. (2016)

when you were there by defcontwo - mature | short | angsty angst

Jack plays the Aces for the first time, and two things happen at once: Jack, nervous and fumbling all the way through the warm up, right down to puck drop when he catches sight of that familiar blonde hair and something in him just settles, winds up playing the most beautiful hockey of his season to date.

And Kent ignores him completely.

Redux series by Idday ★ - established relationship | domesticity | fluff | au | the thing with future-ish jackparse fluff aus is that their issues (e.g. kent's insecurities, or jack's daddy issues) remain to be dealt with and don't vanish by the virtue of love ipso facto, and that's why they're so goddamn satisfying

Like We Were - teen | short | first times (again) | getting back together | friends to lovers

Jack thinks there should be a word for this, for when you fall in love with the same person a second time.

no one has me (like you do) - teen | short | summers and holidays

“Kenny,” Jack says again. “You went golfing for me. That’s how I know it’s real.”

my heart, it came to life - mature | short | family planning??

“Kenny,” Jack says, and falls into the deck chair where Kent is laying out, absorbed in whatever’s on his phone screen. It could be an email from his agent, or it could be a cat video. It’s hard to tell.

The chair is much too small for two fully grown hockey players, but they make it work. Kent drops his phone, but he’s wearing sunglasses, his face hard to read. Jack pulls them down gently until Kent’s squinting up at him, eyes adjusting to the bright afternoon.

“Do you want kids?” Jack asks him.

something about the way you love me (finally feels like home) - teen | short | pseudo-proposal

He loves Jack likes this and loves that he can make him like this—warm and open and laughing with their friends. It makes him stupidly proud, like he has his own personal Jack Zimmermann. He has to share his boyfriend with the rest of the world, sure, but they only get the hockey robot version. Kent gets this Jack, the real Jack, all to himself.

future

“For one player on the Aces, this game represents the return of youth in another, special way. In just three weeks, Kent Parson, captain of the Las Vegas Aces, will not only be returning to the east coast winter of his childhood, but he will have the rare opportunity of being out on the same pond as his former friend and rival, Jack Zimmermann. The opportunity to play a game outdoors may remind them of their childhood, but from sharing a special bond as young teammates to struggling against each other for victory, this game also shows how much has changed with time.“

Kent texted Jack: “fucking epix”.

Dad Hugs by MisconductandMimosas - gen | short | more kent & bad bob tbh but i’ll take more of this rn | fluff

In the summer of 2019, Kent attends Bob Zimmermann’s private Hockey Hall of Fame Induction party

Because Jack is an addict, and some addicts relapse.

Endgame Jack/Kent. I cannot stress this enough.

In Due Time by loveandallthat - teen | short | reconciliation

Jack’s been in the NHL for several years now. The Falconers rose to glory and fell again, just like the Aces. Jack gets on a plane to Vegas.

Behind Closed Doors by loveandallthat - explicit | short | reconciliation | friends to lovers | getting together

It’s just a tabloid. Nobody’s going to believe it anyway; it’s fine. Don’t worry about it. Jack can tell himself any one of these things a thousand times and he’s never going to believe them.

Confirmed: Kent Parson Las Vegas Aces’ First Choice All Along It doesn’t even help that the last line is, “When asked for comment, Kent Parson said, ‘Who even cares anymore?’”

17 Again by daeguarchives - teen | short | friends to lovers | angst

“I can’t believe I actually thought I was in love with you, once.”

17 was a bad time for both of them, they both know that. Except now Kent's kidding himself into thinking he can move on and Jack's kidding himself into thinking he has moved on and for some reason, 17 seems a much better time than now.

new jersey is for lovers series by defcontwo, sparkyplugs ★ | it's soft and sweet and sometimes, that's enough

Ready to Walk a Path That's New - teen | short | curtainfic | fluff

They’ll always have things to apologize to each other for. But these days, they’re trying to focus on what they have to thank each other for.

These days, that’s a much longer list.

There's a place for you and me - mature | short | proposal | fluff

“I don’t know, I just, uh. It wasn’t there. He’s not the kind of guy I could see myself ending up with, I guess.”

Jack laughs, warm and close, the standard pre-chirp Zimmermann coming in at the edges. “And what kind of guy would that be?”

Kent swallows hard, and thinks, You. Fuck me, it’s always going to be you. Or: the slow and steady steps to a happily ever after.

“And my running observation is that Parse can’t take a compliment from you without blowing it off. Could be a coincidence, but no evidence to the contrary since I started paying attention,” Ransom said.

“What?” Jack said, right as Kent walked back in the room.

the river twice by Verbyna - teen | short | addiction relapse | angst | hopeful ending at least

Going to Vegas seemed like the only option.

player judged most valuable by achilleees - teen | short

prompt: future fic, jack’s been in the nhl a few years, ignoring parse when they play the aces. he can’t ignore him the night of the nhl awards, not when he looks this good, not when he fucking thanks jack in his hart acceptance speech.

i really really really really really really like you by achilleees ★ - teen | short | insecurity | established relationship | jack reassuring kent is my forever jam

“Hey,” Jack said. “My parents love you, alright? They have never not loved you. This is going to be fine.”

“Condescension negates cookie privileges,” Kent said, and shut the door in his face.

some nebulous universe called domesticity series by alwaysbuddy ★ - established relationship | fluff | humor

keep your hands on me - explicit | short | sex dream | feminization | dirty talk af

“Not a girl then?”

“It was, yeah,” Jack admits, throat feeling a little tight, “you were the girl.

”in search of our lost time - explicit | short | hurt/comfort | bathtub sex

Jack rests a hand lightly on the porcelain, skimming forward to catch one of Kent’s wrists, where it’s dangling off the edge of the tub. Kent immediately turns his hand over, and wraps two fingers around Jack’s own wrist loosely, tugging in a way that says, why aren’t you in here with me yet, huh?

Maybe I'm Not Too Young to be a Cowboy by bsmog - teen | medium | retirement | injury

Kent is 34 years old. He's won everything there is to win in the world of hockey (just not this year, let's not talk about it, okay?), but ever since an injury took Jack out of hockey altogether, there's something missing on the ice. What the hell is the offseason for if not to find out what that is?

If only anything was ever that easy where Jack Zimmermann was concerned.

Wait So Long by perfectpro - gen | short | fluff | wedding and marriage | domesticity

Let it never be said that Kent Parson doesn’t work for what he wants. Trembling, Kent gets off his knee, but he doesn’t close the ring box. “I don’t want to win another Cup alone. I don’t want to win another Cup without you,” he explains, and it’s a confession if it’s anything. He doesn’t know how to make it not true.

Gordie Meow by madameofmusic - teen | short | fluff | established relationship | humor

Kent’s cats are allergic to Jack. This isn’t even the most ridiculous thing Jack’s had to deal with.

Kent “No Chill” Parson by MisconductandMimosas - gen | short | humor | all-star weekend au | established relationship, if you read this first

“Be on my team for the All-Star game,” Kent said suddenly.

Jack chuckled, “They haven’t even announced next year’s format yet. It could be by division this year. Even if it’s not, they could make us opposing captains.”

#omgcheckplease #kent parson #parsepositive #jackparse #pimms #jack zimmermann #fic rec #omgcp

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