#and tell me to stop getting online moots. those are my friends not yours

[seasideoranges]

Your honest thoughts on Zutara for the ship asks?

OH!!

well before I begin here's a really cool relaxing video I very much enjoy

anyways

i apologize in advance if my thoughts on the ship seem very much all over the place lol.

on one hand, i understand the appeal! i have some friends/moots that share beautiful zutara fanart/fics that i very much enjoy! it's a ship that i very much understand it's significance and impact it's had on not just this fandom, but throughout other online spaces and just shipping as a whole.

on the other hand, while i understand the appeal, it kind of shocks me how ride and die people are with the ship, specifically with how massive the ship war is, and the nasty behavior that comes with it.

it's important to note that when the show first began airing, i was only 3, and i was around 7 or 8 when the show ended. i didnt really get into it because of how young i was, besides watching snippets of s2 and 3 on nick and random amvs i stumbled upon as a kid haha.

i had my first real watch of the show about 2 years ago, and while i wasn't extremely knowledgeable on the fandom, i did hear about the infamous shipping wars in the fandom, like whispers in the wind, and how zutara should've been endgame. going in with this knowledge, let me tell you how shocked i was with the lack of canon material in the show regarding zutara. like, i had people tell me there was a legitimate love triangle happening! people still believe that!

dont take this the wrong way! im not saying you have to have a ship be canon, or for it to have a ton of canon material in order to ship it, i love rarepairs and crackships, shipping is suppose to be fun! i know zk gets hate because it isnt a canon ship and i think that's very, very silly. this is more so a response to the "zk shouldve been end game it was robbed from us etc etc", because i'm sorry, but i didn't see this at all while watching the show. it was very clear to me what was suppose to be endgame.

i do understand that it was a different culture back when the show was airing, in the sense that there was tons of marketing material teasing zutara, thus people were upset with the writers when it didn't happen, but it makes me wonder if this is truly the fault of the atla crew, or the fault of the marketing department, and nickelodeon seeing how popular shipping was and asking it's marketing department to hone in on this to draw in numbers. most of the time the people behind a show don't get a say in how the marketing works y'know? ANYWAYS! Back to the actual ship! I don't like when people water down katara and zukos characters for the ship. I don't like the treatment aang receives from more hardcore fans, painting him to be some awful, no good, horrible partner of katara and friend of zuko. zuko and katara are ride and die for aang, if there was an aang fanclub, they're the ones who started it and they're fighting every week over who gets to be president lmao. i really dont like when this treatment gets extended to sokka and toph, treating them like bumbling idiots that katara is stuck with until zuko comes in to save the day because he's 'oh so mature, much more mature then those other 3 fools, and the only one who gets katara' which just. isn't true.

I like when people don't water their characters down and really focus on how chaotic they'd be, or the fact that they're still just teenagers! I like when people don't throw away Aang, and even in a zk universe aang is still close friends with them and their number one supporter. i like when they don't throw away kataras relationship with sokka or toph, and they're still just as important in her life.

final thoughts

it's fine! im not crazy over it but i understand the appeal. shoutout to my zutara moots, love the stuff you create, don't ever stop! besides sharing some zk art, you probably wont see zutara art coming from me, im much more focused on pushing my 'platonic shit talking wine drinking zuko and katara besties' agenda bahaha.

[cursedvibes]

Happy holiday.... What do you think that made Yuuji is so likeable as a character? I've only been in the JJK fandom for a year, and I've seen a lot of other JJK characters' stan. But one thing in common, they all love Yuuji and mostly will include him in their top 5 fav JJK charas (including me :D)...

Also, extra kudos cause your blog is anti-gojo. Most of my moots love him and can't stop talking about him. I already tell them that I don't really like him (actually I hate him), they're okay but still so into him. So I'm so happy when I found your blog.

What do you think that made gojo so famous? Is it the pretty face and bad personality (I'm still confused until now)....? I dislike gojo kinda like I dislike dazai from BSD. They're both called "The one who stole the spotlight from the protagonist" (by my animanga group)....

Happy holidays to you to, hope you had a good time

I think it's pretty hard not to like Yuuji. Even if you aren't that interested in his character, due to his friendly personality and plenty of cute moments it's hard to hate him. I think this Pure Sunshine Boy interpretation (that I don't entirely agree with) is the main reason fans are drawn to him. The suffering he has to endure and how he continues to grow from it is quite fascinating to witness as well. What I personally like about him is also how he has a darker side to him, that pure hatred he has reserved for Sukuna and Mahito, but which we also saw when he beat up bullies as a middle schooler. He's not just sunshine and rainbows, he has a quite serious and lonely side to him he often hides from others and that is the reason he used to not have many friends until recently. Fits with his morbid obsession with death and how he is prepared to die and wants to die to pay for everything he's done despite being so young.

Looking at fan interpretations of him, I'm not sure that's why he's in the top 3 of the popularity polls, but it's what I like about him. The main criticism I see of him is that people think he's too weak to be the main character of a shonen series and isn't the centre of attention enough, but I think that's pretty stupid and thankfully it's only a (loud) minority of people who think that. I'm glad he deviates from the shonen formula there.

Now for Gojo, I first have to say that I wouldn't consider myself "anti-Gojo". I often think he's annoying and recent developments in the manga led to me complaining about him a lot, but I don't actually hate him, not the way I do with Geto, Yuuta or at times Choso. His fans can get on my nerves a lot and I think he was written very badly after being released from the Prison Realm, but usually I don't care about him. I like his high school self actually, before he got so overpowered, his faults were more interesting there.

I think the majority of his popularity is because he's a pretty white-haired anime guy with cool powers and part of a popular yaoi couple, i.e. you got some dramatic feels mixed in there as well. That seems to be the gist of what I see online as reasoning for why people like him and what made him famous when the anime started airing. There are deeper reasons too (best ask a Gojo fan for those), but his looks, iconic blindfold design and relationship with Geto seem to be the main things people are drawn to. Things like that are often what's most important in making a character popular.

[hoshino-umino-kioku]

I swear to god. Um. What if she actually goes to the end of the world and forces nonsense up my brain

Sorry miaumiaus very long rant in the tags. It’s. Not related to you guys I just need to get it off my chest

[unlocktxt]

hi 😄 i saw your reblog and i want to ask the same thing: what was your first impression of your moots?

First i want to say that I may of gotten a littleeeee carried away. I wanted to include as many people as possible, but some I don’t have enough to say. Despite this I might add more. I’ve met so many various people on this app and I’ve loved interacting with them all or just seeing them around. So much so that I can’t list everybody. I really love all my moots and there are so many of them that I’ll forever be grateful for. (yes i added a keep reading because this was so long and please excuse my gramtical errors)

@hoes4hoseok - our first impression was playing among us WHICH WAS SO FUN. I don’t remember much about talking to her in the game BUT I do remember that she was the first one to ever make the group chat filled with those who played with us. honestly I’m so grateful that she did that because I wouldn’t have been able to become friends with her and many others. I remember thinking that she was beyond kind and that she was good with trying to include everyone. After that I just remember hearing her voice and then DYING because she has a wonderful voice. I felt as though I related to you just a bit. Now I’ve gotten to see different aspects of her and really value her as a person and friend. She keeps things real and is so helpful. Sometimes I wish I could see what goes on inside her head because sometimes I think she reserves herself or overthinks and I’d like to give her a big hug.

@binniebutter - amie... oh amie 🙄 just kidding 😂 amie well... I also met her while playing among us in that same group. we played a lot with each other and I find that nice BECAUSE I CANT REMEMBER WHAT WE TALKED ABOUT DURING THE FIRST TIME WE PLAYED. I think I do remember laughing about her and gen tho. In our first gc I remember thinking that she had a bright personality and could keep the conversation going. I also find out we live about an hour away so I was able to connect with her about that (I also was so excited just because IVE NEVER MET AN ONLINE FRIEND IN THE SAME STATE) After that we played among us a lot together and I just remember thinking amie was EVIL. She was funny though and I felt comfortable around her. Now... I honestly think I’m pretty close to amie emotionally. It’s very rare that I put down my guard and talk to someone about certain things (I don’t really think I’ve talked to her about certain things tho) I still feel as though I can talk to her or that I can cry or rant to her without feeling judged. I don’t know how much she’s come to me about, but anytime I try to comfort her i feel like I get to know her better. I usually don’t start joking with my friends and being “rude” to them unless I know that they know I love them, which is why I’m starting to show amie sarcasm at times ☺️ I may of written too much 😅

@hyukaite I ACTUALLY REMEMBER MY FIRST IMPRESSIONS OF KAT. oml we’d send asks every now and then and I remember thinking she was a crack head. From the videos I’d see her post to that one drawing. Man if only I could go all the way back to it, but it was monthssss ago. I also remember relating to her about having to help our sisters with math 💀. I wanted to be her friend after seeing her interact with some of my other moots, but I was too shy to actually message her so I stuck with sending in asks every now and then 😂 then we started playing among us together. I remember thinking “NOOOO SHE STOLE YELLOW” which led to me falling in love with the dark green among us color JFKAJFLW. After that I remember getting betrayed by her in the game SO MANY TIMES. she killed me during the Simon says task... to tell you what grudge I hold... I still remember it. ITS SUCH A HARD TASK AND SHE DIDNT LET ME FINISH IT. She also killed me in electrical when I thought she was INNOCENT. Now... kat I don’t even know how to describe her. She has many aspects to her that I love. She also is able to help me think straight whenever I let my anger get to me.

@yawnjunie - I thought she was shy at first because when I first met her she didn’t talk much, so I felt bad because I thought she didn’t feel all that welcomed by us (no specific reason we were just introduced to blu so abruptly 😂) After that I think I was intimidated by her at first JFJAKFJERI. We also compared our schools and our grade mindset which I think really opened my eyes a little bit more. I still believe she’s really smart Zknfaltn. She makes me laugh though and she also started the network moacabinet. She’s really sweet with so many ideas, but I feel bad because sometimes I think she gets stressed easily. She’s not on much, but everytime she’s online I’m blessed with her presence.

@kkuming - gigiiiii! my first impression of gigi was fairly simple. We met on the au group chat and she seemed really sweet. I wanted to try and give gigi a warm welcome and make sure she felt comfortable. I wish I remembered more about our first meeting. I DO HOWEVER remember thinking she was v v innocent. I sat back and watched gigi get thrown into the group and laughed my ass off at how she interacted with kat. I was worried that because the others were already so comfortable with her and joking around about things that she may actually think that the “divorce” or whatever it was that kat and her had would make her upset, so I wanted to remind her that I appreciated her Zofnakfjeof. She also was taking a lot of stressful classes so I could only hope this girl didn’t die underneath all that stress. Now I- she’s crazy guys. Just kidding 😂 she’s still really sweet and jokes around with all of us. I’m glad she’s online a lot more now. she’s also really funny.

@lipbeom - I’m like 99.9% sure rynn was the first person I ever really talked to on tumblr. I thought she was a really good writer and saw that she was a senior as well, so I was glad that I wasn’t the only one on tumblr that was going to suffer through the last year of school. I was so glad when she messaged me first like Y’ALL HAVE NO IDEA. When I first met her I remember thinking she was really sweet AND BEYOND SMART. I’m really grateful for rynn and I actually miss her a lot because I feel like I don’t interact with her as much as I should. She was very supportive and still is. It’s only been a few months since I first talked with her but I’m reminiscing 😂 She also got me hooked on selling sunset WHICH WAS AMAZING but I was talking like the girls on the show for WEEKSSSSSSS.

@bbhyeoliskooks - I don’t really remember how I came across her, but I realized she was a new moa writer and wanted to check her out. My first impression... hmmm I guess you could say that I believed she was very grateful even when she didn’t have to be. Sometimes she makes me feel old 💀 but she’s reminds me a little bit of my sister... just way sweeter. She’s very loyal and anytime you tell her you’ve posted something oml she’s wonderful. She’s the type of person who is really supportive and I appreciate that, but sometimes I feel like I don’t give her enough of ittttt. I really need to go stalk her blog now as for some reason I don’t see her notifs half the time. I’m really proud of her and think she’s one of the sweetest people on tumblr NOT TO MENTION SHE SINGS BEAUTIFULLY.

@txthearteu - oml cj 😂 she is also one of the first people I talked to on tumblr. I don’t really remember our first impression tho :/. I DO REMEMBER I READ ONE OF HER STORIES THO and i sent an ask about it because she deserved the recognition for it. Hmmm at first I believe I was intimidated because she is older than me 😂 however she was so extremely sweet and I loved talking to her. I tried talking about various different things with her because I wanted our conversation to continue hehe. She stays feeding me 😌 and even if I can’t physically eat del taco I get full off of the love and support cj gives me. My eyes light up when I see her in my notifs. I think she deserves the world and I always want to be there for her. I don’t think I can ever repay her for the love she’s given me.

@sung4oon - SAM I SWEAR IF YOU CHANGE UR URL BEFORE I HAVE A CHANCE TO POST THIS! I met her when her url was... 👁👄👁 lixxie sumtin. I think it was lixieebear. I truly don’t remember her first impression 💀 the only thing I remember was thinking that she was also a crack head. She was really funny and sweet and DONT EVEN GET ME STARTED ON THE WHOLE BRAINCELL THING. I should’ve given her my brain cells for christmas. I still think she’s really fun to talk to and I literally try to remind myself as much as possible that I need to go stop by and send an ask every now and then. Even so she still says hi to me ☺️

@beomiebear5 - R A I N A. hehehehehehe I actually love this first impression for me. At the time I saw her anon asks to rynn. I saw that she was going to start posting stuff on her blog soon and she gave a hint about how to find her. Ofc I let rynn do that herself BUT I went searching KFJSIFIWFKW I couldn’t help it I saw it as a challenge. My first impression was rlly just that she was sweet. Then after a while KFJAOFJWOF I really love interacting with her and seeing her rants. Gosh she’s so funny and ✨inspires✨ me. I’m always down to talk to her because she’s amazing and sweet.

@magicisland9-34 - lillie ☺️ I honestly don’t remember our first impression? I do however remember when she first sent an ask! I would always get so excited when I got an ask from her 😂 I loved talking to her and she let me ramble on and on. Whether that be about gymnastics or ballet. Once again even lillie is sweet, but she’s betrayed me for siding with amie about Christmas 😤. She’s also one of the people that I try to remind myself to go and visit their blog and see what they’ve posted.

@spookybias - if I remember correctly gen was the first one who reblogged my about me post, which ended up allowing others on this app to see that I was a new writing blog. She was also one of the first people I followed and one of the first who followed me, so I was really grateful and thought she was beyond helpful and nice. I also really believe she’s a great writer and i admired how she would tell things how they are. She’s always been sweet to me even if she’s threatened to shoot me a while back 😤. OH YEAH we also played among us together in that group as well and I always suspected her at one point. IT WAS BECAUSE THE ONE TIME I TRUSTED HER SHE KILLED ME.

@bffsoobin - My first impression of Sara was pretty simple like I found her blog and fell in love. she writes so well and I’ve loved everything I’ve read from her. I thought she was really pretty and pretty funny too. When she’d talk about some of her stories revolving school it honestly made my day as well. I admire her especially because she’s such a good writer and LET ME TELL YOU when she followed me back I think I did a little cheer. I was reading her fics before I even started writing on tumblr.

@soobcxre - I saw Sara around because we had a lot of moots in common and when I saw them interact I would just think about how I wanted to befriend her 😂. When she texted me I got so excited, but I WAS SO CAUGHT UP IN SCHOOL TOO. She’s also really sweet ajfjwkfjw and I’m glad to have met her.

@lovesickchoi - MADDIE 🤩 I.... I don’t remember my first impression of her 🥲. It may of revolved around asks? I think I ended up trying to get to know her more at the time I was trying to get to know yoonie. I say this because I remember always seeming to get their urls mixed up... I think it’s because the h at the beginning. I LITERALLY DONT REMEMBER HOW WE STARTED INTERACTING. She’s also an amazing writer tho! Now I still think she’s sweet and we’ve talked about yeonbin together 😂.

@sunoo-luvs - 🥺 zaara JFJAJRKSKF literally my first impression was “cute.” That still stands btw. She’s absolutely the sweetest and is really considerate of others IM SCARED BECAUSE SHE MAY APOLOGIZE FOR THINGS THERES NO NEED TO APOLOGIZE FOR. Even so she can easily add happiness to people’s day with just a hi and a hug.

@i2gyu - I- first impression: scary. IM KIDDING wait... actually even though that was a joke because she used to stop by and say “boo” I MAY OF ACTUALLY FELT INTIMIDATED BY HER AT FIRST. I think one of the first times we interacted was about a network and at the time I was ready to join a network SO I FELT SO BAD FOR SAYING NO. Afterwards tho I realized how nice she was and I always end up getting a little energetic once I see she’s sent in an ask. One day I’m scared I won’t see her change her url or blog, but that’s if she does again.

@fairycore-gyu - I haven’t interacted with anyone new recently and when I saw kira that obviously changed 😂. I related to her with music taste and stuff. LET ME TELL YOU when someone seems to have the same music taste I JUST my eyes light up. She was really welcoming and I instantly felt like I could message her anytime. I also just realized she’s a pisces 🥺.

@yoonjunie - I just remember thinking ooooo new moa writer! I think anyone who comes across her can say she’s very welcoming and sweet + she deserves everything she has. I really just wanted to support her 😂 I need to interact with her more and read more from her blog.

@hyeyoonwrites - yoonie 🥺 AHHHH okay 😂 first impression: LITERALLY THE SWEETEST. I know I’ve said that so many people here are sweet but yoonie is a different kind of sweet. I don’t know every single time I’ve interacted with her has felt like a soft hug. She’s supported me a lot and I really need to check up on her more frequently I feel guilty about it aifoshf.

@txtextme - gon I- even though we haven’t talked much she’s extremely funny and relatable. she just has this vibe that I love about her. I know I don’t have much to say, but I had to add her because she’s left an impact.

@yeonbins - VIVI HAS WONDERFUL GIFS. Every now and then I’ll see her post some stuff just talking and akfjskf. I mainly remember (I think) Starbucks getting her name wrong. Her names so pretty tho. I DIDNT EVEN REALIZE HOW MUCH OLDER SHE WAS THAN ME. I also played among us with her for a lil... I was scared she was gonna murder me 😂.

[hikari-writes]

❅A Love Letter I Have to My Lovely and Beloved Friends❅

(I just know that 30 july was a national friendship day and today is like 31 july already at where I am but,,, just pretend that this is also for National Friendship Day 🤡🔫)

As you all know, it's been confirmed that I'll be going on a hiatus two days from now that I really don't know how long it will go on. So, with that in mind, I wished to leave this message to all the wonderful friends I've made while I was active here on Tumblr during quarantine.

I've started this writing blog a few months ago, to be precise, on May where life in quarantine was starting to become a norm. In the few months until now, I did my best to start writing and drawing more using all the free times that I have.

I wouldn't have expected this blog to grow so much in such a short time. To me, it was really mind blowing, seeing that there's a lot of other great content creators here on Tumblr. Yet, the 300+ people who stumbled upon my blog still decided to follow me.

I was really happy to have made many contents that I'm actually proud of posting. And I still can't believe there are people out there who love them. Seeing every one of your comments and reblogs and likes really, really, squeezed my heart and I couldn't be more thankful for your support.

And during these fun times, I was able to make friends with many amazing, talented, fantastic and all the good words I could find in the dictionary people on here. You all are a real gift to me and I hold you guys close to my heart.

I still can't believe I was able to befriend you guys though, like, y'all are so amazing and I was just here like squeaking my name to you like a shy mice lmao. =///= Anyways, thank you for all the good and fun times. Thank you for being with me and helping me with lots of things. Just, thank you for everything. (I'm writing this at 1am like it's sad hours yall I'm crying :')))

If you are ever feeling down, do not ever forget that, even if it's only me, I'll support you to the end of the world because you're just so amazing and fantastic. I love you and never let any hate that's thrown at you let you down because they aren't worth your time.

The people I'll be mentioning below are my dear friends or just people that I have been interacting with during the times I was online, little or not, I still consider you guys to be my friends (very self-proclaimed here sorry)and I'm still honoured by that fact.

@your-local-bnha-writer -Bean, you and your posts are always so wholesome and cute and I love them. Keep being amazing, and we may not interact much, but I still appreciate every little convos we had. Also, wish you luck on tpn, that shit hurted :')

@identifybby -Liaaaa, omg im so v v grateful we became friends. You've helped me with a tons of things and I can't thank you enough for everything you've done to me. You're just so amazing and thank you for always putting up with me, i love you sm.

@minteasketches -Mintea! You're such an amazing artist and I rlly enjoyed our conversations! You might not see this since you're off socmed but just wanna let u know that thank u for being my friends.

@yandere-of-your-dreams -Heyyy sis,, you're always such a sweet bean to me and showering me w love and i appreciate them, stay amazing and I'm sure you'll become an amazing writer.

@shotobabe -Ren, wifey, ilysm thank u for always being with me. You're such an awesome person and keep on being yourself. You're perfect and talented, don't let others tell you otherwise. AND while I'm gone, don't forget to drink lots of water okay? I won't be able to remind you while I'm on a hiatus, but please always remember to drink water. That'd be the first thing I'll ask you once I'm able to be online. And please try to eat more okay bb? I love u.

@takumipineapplexd -Taku! Amazing writer and amazing editor, yes I'm talking about you. You're amazing and keep on making cursed content and being crackhead, i love them.

@bnhabadass -We might not talk much, but I just want to let you know that you're so amazing and I look up to u v much. Literally had a heart attack when u commented on angel wings lmao.

@tomomoni -Mon, love, soft bean, I LOVE U. You've always been so wholesome and cute to every one of your followers and seeing ur interactions literally heals my heart. Your art is amazing so continue being amazing ilysm thank u for being an amazing advisor and listener, I'm v grateful for that. You have no idea how blessed I am to have you as a friend. Meeting you through turn on your airdrop's fanart was F A T E.

@kamabukokompachiro -First time u asked my permission to read my fanfic, I legit teared up. Thank u sm for asking, I couldn't be happier to know that my fic is worthy to be read over for a yt channel. Keep on being amazing and ily.

@kaminii -Kamiiiii, sweet child, you're always so matured and calm and I really adore and respect that part of you (unlike me im v childish and rash) You're an amazing writer and editor and ur aesthetic? 100/10. Love it. You're so talented despite being so young and I'm just, WOW. Ily and thank u for being friends w me. And please fix your sleeping schedule bb. It's rlly not good for your health, like please? Ily.

@katsucutie -I love you and your writing so v much, and I rlly enjoyed talking to you, discussing about Burn Book was rlly fun. I might not be able to know the ending since im gonna go on a hiatus but I'll be sure to catch up to it once im back. Keep being amazing and awesome.

@isolshi -CHERIE, I LOVE YOU AND YOU'RE AMAZING. Don't be so insecure about your writing. They're amazing. And you're also one of the sweetest and cute person I've met here. I always love teasing you cause your reaction is always so funny and cute. Keep being awesome. And please, please, please get enough sleep and drink LOTS of water. I legit would cry if you don't drink more water cher.

@mirakeul -BIANCAAAAA LOVE YOU'RE SO AMAZING AND SWEET LiKE--- please, I love talking to you and thank you so much for always reminding me to eat. Your calligraphy and handwriting are awesome, shshh i don't take criticism. Never stop writing, I love them. And please never forget I love you and you're my best friend okay?

@roxybefab -You've always been the first to ask me to be on my taglist and I'm so v happy because of that. Thank you for everything, and keep on being awesome. You can do this, ily.

@princessofdawn718 -Talking to you about Hamefura has been so fun! I haven't talked w many ppl about isekai so im rlly glad I could talk about them w you. Katarina x nicol ftw! Thanks for talking to me, it was such a pleasure rlly.

@softkodzuken -Maam your writing is A M A Z I N G. I love anon sm and you're rlly so sweet for always replying to every single comment on them. Don't be so insecure about them, they're amazing and i will always stand by that point. Wishing you the best of luck for Undercover!

@lolitsleia -Your art is *chef's kiss* i love them so much, I still can't believe you hadn't had more recognition like why?? Ur oc alex is the cutest thing ever and i love her. Thank you again for drawing Yuki. She looked really beautiful and cute in your drawing.

@samanthaa-leanne -We may not talk much, but when you first followed me back, my heart goes B O O M. You're so amazing and keep being like that. And uh,, good luck with Violet Evergarden if you ever plan to watch it. Prepare a couple of tissue boxes....or dozens.

@miyumtwins -Fellow android users! I first saw you through Bean's post about a tag game and i was like *gasp* another androiders..! I swear that one time i was interacting w you, I didn't actually meant to go off anon,, yes im dumb lmao. Anyways, you're rlly amazing and I'm rlly honoured to be followed by you.

@kawasuno -Your smau? 100/10. Your sense of humour 100/10. They're just so perfect *chef's kiss* I love every one of your updates and they always managed to put a smile on my face, i was like, how did you do that? My sense of humour is nonexistant, teach me your ways sensei. But anyways, you're rlly amazing and awesome. Keep up w that.

@kukusbabe -Tsu, I've never said this, but it's you. It's always been you all along. What i mean is, I've followed you first (i knew u through zara's flopping server yeah!) And when i looked at my dash and saw all your interactions w your moots, despite me haven't legally started haikyuu yet, i decided to follow all of them, soooo if it's not for you, we may not have met each other. Everyone in the kita family, Tsu is the MVP here muah. Also your aesthethic and writing and everything is so kajsjhendnd amazing i LOvE---

@iwaixiumi -King Nami, you're so awesome and amazing,, and I'm really glad to be able to interact w you. All those songs you recommend? Yeah, I'm going to listen and love all of them, thank u so much for the recs. Keep being amazing and to everyone reading this, PLEASE INTERACT WITH KING NAMI MORE SHE DOESN'T BITE---

@shoutodoki -Hello, you're so amazing and talented and im just,,, kekkdjfjdj when you followed me--- and when u figured out i was the anon talking about oboro i was OAKSJEJDDJ please, i was so honoured u know, like ???? Anyways, keep on writing what you love and your art maam? THEY'RE AMAZING LIKE BOTH YOUR ART AND WRITING IS SO KAJSJDJDN pliS im so v honoured to be able to talk to you.

@lisarillia -Please excuse me while I go shout in the corner of how much i LOVE your arts. They're amazing and being able to talk to you was a real pleasure. Keep on doing what you love. They'll be amazing no matter what i swear.

@cutiedrawsbnha -Cutie, honey, you're amazing and your art is so cute! Don't let what haters said get to you. You're going to grow into an amazing artist. If you give in and listen to what they said, you're going to end up like what they said so ignore them honey! I believe in you so keep shipping izuocha, todomomo, and kamijirou and making arts. Lotsa love!

@lilikags -Heeyyyy you sweet cute innocent bean! Don't ever stop writing what you love, you'll grow into a big blog soon enough, before you know it. Just keep making what you love, and as time pass by, I'm sure there will be many people who will find appreciate everything you do. I'm always supporting you.

@baeshijima -SOPHHHHH YOU SWEET CUTE CINNAMON ROLL WAKATOSHI'S WIFE EYE--- You have NO idea how much i love you,, you're so sweet and I honestly don't know what did i do to deserve you. Srsly you're a blessing to me. Thank you for the sweet daily reminder in my inbox, i love each and every one of them. Keep being so cute and wholesome, love you.

@shinsuque -ANAAAAA Thanks again for the Bakugou's memes! I may not be able to do it before i go on a hiatus though *sobbing* Keep being so awesome! I love seeing all your interactions and you're so amazing i honestly don't know why you followed me----

@semiluvr -LYDIA *SOBBING* THANK YOU SO SO MUCH FOR INVITING ME TO THE KITA FAMILY. Even though we've known each other in less than a week, it already felt like I had known you guys for so long like whotttt. Keep being an amazing and sweet person ily muah

@dumbass-lev -MOMMY, MUI, ILY THANK U FOR ALWAYS BEING SO SWEET YOU'RE AMAZING,,, u have no idea how happy (and also flustered) I am when i saw you asking you want to adopt me like,,, whot I've never been asked to be adopted online b4 so you asking that was a big surprise to me and just,,, remember that i love you and you're an amazing mommy. Hope i wasn't too much too handle as your child lol and thank u, for asking to invite me to the server. It has been a real pleasure to me to be there.

@pudding-head-kenma -DANIE!! We haven't talked much and I've only known you for a short time but I really love your detailed analysis. They're amazing and you're amazing. Thank you for being so sweet and cute. Ily.

@/🦋 nonoi -🦋 NONOIIII!!! IF YOU'RE SEEING THIS, I JUST WANNA TELL YOU THANK YOU FOR BEING MY EMOJI ANON! I love you you're so sweet and bb please please please don't forget me id cry,,,

@astereim -Rein!!! I know we just talked and all but you seem to be a reaally cool and amazing person,, we might not be able to interact much since I need to go prepare things b4 i go on my hiatus though, but just wanna let u know that ily!

@tokoyamis-luv -please don't come for my neck i haven't been active on the server Lol but anyways, zara, you're amazing and your simping for Kurapika is always fun to watxh. Also all the lin manuel edits are *chef's kiss* we may not talk much but i was rlly honoured to be able to interact w you, even a little bit.

@engel-hageshii - YOU, MAAM are a literal angel, and your comments on my fics always managed to make me smile so much. I love you, please never stop being such a sweetheart.

@laylahoran -I've always loved and appreciate every comments you make. I'm v happy I was able to create a content that you can love. You and engel has been some of my firsts followers and I'm really blessed to have you two.

@oyasenpai -Diemmy! You're so sweet and cute and seeing your interaction w my moots (kami) was what made me follow you. Don't let what others said bring you down, okay? Just do what you want because there're always many people supporting you for it.

Special message to the kita family server;

Meanwhile while you guys were talking about me there, I was just innocently scrolling through Tumblr, not knowing what kind of fate I'll be receiving 👁👄👁 No wonder I was sneezing so much 🤧🤧🤧

So, I was just scrolling through the pinned messages and I saw tsu said "mui: can we invite hikari? Everyone here: kakskejdjdjdn" and i was just like,,, ??????? I wasn't expecting u guys to have that kind of reaction i--- yall have no idea how much i was grinning while I scroll through those messages. Thank you so much for inviting and accepting me, it's really fun to be with you guys and your crackhead energy 🥰🥰 Thank you to mui for suggesting you had no idea I was really really happy. 😭 Y'all are so amazing and sweet and cute and beautiful kakjdjdd

To all of my dear friends that I've mentioned above, I LOVE YOU LOTS YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW GRATEFUL I AM TO MET YOU GUYS. Quarantine time has been stressful for a lot of people, and Tumblr can sometimes (a lot of times) be kinda whack but I was really happy to met you guys during my time here. Our time together may have been short, but i feel like we've known each other for more than a year, no caps. I love you all very very much. Thank you for talking to me and befriending me. Remember to get enough sleep, drink lots of water, stay safe and healthy, eat enough meals and, take care of yourself. I love you guys.

And lastly, to everyone reading this, whether i know you or not, or interacted with you or not, or follow you or not, or you follow me or not, just REMEMBER that you are worth it and I love you. Keep on being awesome, and always remember to smile, laugh and live. Don't forget to always DRINK LOTS OF WATER, GET ENOUGH SLEEP, and EAT ENOUGH MEALS.

Signing off,

Hikari.

[phoenix-downer]

Hello! I haven't played KH III yet but I plan to. I have come across some really hateful posts on tumblr and even twitter about Sora and Kairi being together. It appears some people are really upset that Sora and Riku didn't become a thing and have downplayed Sora x Kairi's relationship as something as forced and not having chemistry. I had no idea this was even a thing. Can you tell me where this hostility came from? I thought it was obvious that they had feelings for each other.

Hello! Thanks for the ask! There’s a lot to examine here, but I’ll do my best to try to tackle the whole issue with tact and empathy. Light/very vague spoilers for K/H/3, E/ndgame, and F/M/A follow (with slashes so they hopefully don’t show up in the tags).

First of all, I’m so sorry you’ve stumbled across those kinds of tweets and posts. If I could, I’d shield everyone from having to deal with such hatred and negativity about something they enjoy. Doesn’t matter what you ship; no one deserves to deal with that level of toxicity. 

Imagine going into a room and hearing people talk loudly about something you love, talk about how much they hate it and how much it sucks. Doesn’t make you feel very welcome, does it? But that’s exactly what’s happening here - you’re not the only one who’s noticed this. I have had to block or mute so many people because of the kind of bashing you describe. People purposely tagging their hate so that fans can see it, saying nasty things and picking fights in a way that makes you wonder what they get out of being so cruel and vicious. 

I’ve seen it so much that I’m extra sensitive to it now too; I block much more quickly than I did in the past. And I would advise other people to do the same. You don’t owe anyone access to your social media. They’re not entitled to your time or energy, either. You don’t owe it to them to read their hate. By blocking them, you take away part of their audience, you take away their attention. And the thing is, they want that attention. They want to make other people angry and miserable because they’re angry and miserable. And you don’t have to give them the satisfaction. 

Sadly, because twitter and tumblr have such poor moderation, no one running these sites is doing much to stop these people. In fact, the platforms even encourage that kind of behavior, because the loudest people get the most attention. So that encourages and emboldens the kind of nasty behavior you’re seeing.

Now, this is not to say there is never room for criticism, because there is, but that is a very different thing from what you’re describing, which is plain old bashing. Criticism and critique are offered in the hope that something will improve; bashing is done to express pure vitriol, and it isn’t productive for anyone. It might feel good in the moment, but in the end it just leaves people bitter and empty. 

There are plenty of people critiquing K/H and how the games went and how the various character arcs unfolded and how the relationships developed, and there’s nothing wrong with that. Shutting down all criticism isn’t healthy; it should be allowed and encouraged, as constructive criticism leads to healthy dialogue, both with other fans and with S/quare E/nix. And Square has listened to fans in the past; they’ve fixed issues with gameplay that occurred when 1.5 and 2.5 were ported to the PS4 and converted to 60 fps, for example.

Neither is there anything wrong with venting to a close friend in a private setting - DMs, PMs, on your personal blog or twitter account with the ship you’re criticizing censored somehow so that everyone who likes it doesn’t have to stumble across your venting. Heaven knows I’ve had to vent a lot to stay in the fandom without lashing out. The issue is when someone thinks it’s okay to force their anger and negativity onto other people who don’t want to see it or hear it. 

So the question is, why are we stumbling across such strong feelings? Because it’s clear people feel pretty strongly about all this. 

I don’t think there’s an easy answer as to why this is happening, but I’ll take a shot at explaining what might’ve happened all the same. I’m sure if you asked someone else, they might give you a different answer, and it’s worth getting multiple perspectives. This is just my two cents, and naturally, it’s going to be biased towards my experiences and preferences. 

The shipwars in the K/ingdom H/earts fandom have been nasty for years. From what I can gather, they got really bad when KH2 was released, though I’m sure there was probably drama before then. S*kai fans and S*riku fans did not see eye to eye on how that game went, and it’s all been downhill ever since. People on both sides have been mean and nasty, I’ve seen them be nasty, hurling insults and slurs and accusing each other of awful things to the point that the question of “who started it” is pretty much moot at this point. A more productive question would be, “how can we end it and get along, or at least start treating each other better?” 

Now, since I ship S*kai (obviously), I’ll share why this is such a touchy subject for me personally. I’ve been in fandom for a while now, and something I’ve noticed is just how much fans tend to hate female characters because of sexism and internalized misogyny.   

I was in the M/C/U fandom before this, and Sh*ron’s actress got death threats around the time C/ivil W/ar came out from angry shippers. And then P*ggy’s actress has likewise been harassed after E/ndgame came out by, again, angry shippers. I was a big F/M/A fan back in the day, and W*nry got so much hate from, you guessed it, angry shippers. I remember a friend back then rolling her eyes and bashing W*nry, and when I asked her why she hated her, she couldn’t really give me a clear answer other than that she was “whiny.” 

Heaven forbid a female character not be completely perfect. 

Over and over, I saw this pattern repeating. A female character gets hate because there is a popular alternate pairing that she “gets in the way of.” Even before I had the vocabulary to talk about it, the hatred just struck me as very gendered. I never saw that level of hatred for any of the male characters unless they were written to be hated (hello Shou T*cker). And I was likewise harsher on female characters than on their male counterparts. It took me years to realize what I was doing and to try to put a stop to it. 

So then I came to the K/ingdom H/earts fandom with all that background and baggage, dealing with years of people hating characters I liked and looked up to and identified with, and I saw the same thing happening again. Yet another female character getting nasty hate because of her gender, because she dared to like a boy who was shipped with another boy. Because she dared to fall in love. How dare she have feelings, how dare she be feminine, how dare she wear pink and have a flowery Keyblade. How dare her strength of heart be stronger than her physical strength. There is only one kind of strength that matters, and it’s how hard you can kick someone’s ass (wrong, wrong, wrong, and one look at the whole power of friendship thing this series revolves around would tell you that). 

How dare K*iri not be an instant expert at fighting, which is cruel and ironic because if she was an instant expert at fighting, everyone would be crying Mary Sue. How dare she sass and tease S*ra, she’s such a bitch. Oh, she doesn’t tease him as much in K/H/3 and is more gentle and supportive because he’s going through hell and nearly loses everything and she knows he needs her support now more than ever? She’s a complete pushover! 

See what I mean by how hard people are on female characters? K*iri can’t win no matter what she does. She could have the best character arc ever post K/H/3 and people would still find something to complain about. That’s not to say I don’t have issues with how she’s written, I just think the criticisms against her tend to be way overblown. There aren’t enough discussions about how she could improve moving forward (though I have seen them, and thank you to those of you who do have them!), instead people just write her off completely as useless and worthless and want to improve her character by… dropping her out of the story completely (and yes, I’ve run into someone who actually thought this would be a good thing and always felt the need to talk about it, and it absolutely drove me up the wall). 

And worst of all, she can’t win because S*ra fell in love with her. Really, it’s ironic that she gets as much hate as she does for something S*ra did. She had no control over S*ra falling in love with her, and yet she is absolutely despised by people because he did. She isn’t “good enough” for him apparently, whatever that’s supposed to mean.  

I share all this to explain why I was so sensitive to the issue coming in. I saw the same thing happening I’d experienced time and again and I was so exhausted. So tired of it. I didn’t want to deal with it again, and I was on my guard right from the start. Especially because it’s so normalized in online KH communities to bash K*iri and S*kai. The major ones, too, with lots of people and a wide range of (or lack thereof) of shipping preferences, not just dedicated shipping groups. Try to go an entire discussion without seeing it come up… it’s a lot harder than you might think. 

At first I tried to be patient and understanding. Other people have different tastes, and I wanted to be understanding of that. But after years of watching the bashing happen, my patience ran thin. I was sick of seeing it enabled in major K/H communities, sick of seeing mods refuse to put a stop to it, or worse, low-key join in with the bashing, sick of having to put up with so much negativity when all I wanted was somewhere to discuss something I enjoyed. Some people seemed almost gleeful, almost eager in their bashing; any time K*iri was brought up, they felt compelled to express their hatred for her. They were more obsessed with her than her actual fans were; felt more passionately (albeit negatively) about S*kai than some actual S*kai shippers did. 

When I reached that point, the point where I was tempted to be negative and snappy and rude, I knew I couldn’t engage with certain people anymore. So I stopped trying. I searched for S*kai fans here on tumblr and stuck with them. I didn’t want to add to an already tense situation, and thankfully, there are other people who feel the same way (but more on that later). 

And on the S*riku side of things, some of them have shared that they have been told nasty homophobic things for shipping S*riku. And for many of them, I’m sure S*riku is a way of expressing their identity, a way of exploring their feelings and expressing them in a safe, welcoming way with fellow fans who get what they’re going through. Representation has gotten better in recent years (though it still has a long way to go), but back when the K/H games were first coming out, things were different, and people had to take what they could get from canon and run with it if they wanted to see more content that represented them. 

I’ve also seen a few people say that certain S*kai fans went out of their way to message them and rub what happened in K/H/3 in their faces. That kind of gloating is bound to upset anyone, yikes. Canon has become the new gold standard for shipping in the last decade or so, and it has sadly been weaponized in the ever-nastier ship wars, when really, a ship’s value shouldn’t be based on how “canon” it is but on the joy it brings to people. 

So yeah, we have a situation where enough people on both sides were treating others poorly that everyone got defensive, because how could you not when people keep attacking something you love, especially if you feel strongly about it/associate it with your identity? And that made people more likely to lash out, and when they did, people got even more defensive, and the cycle repeated, over and over and over again. 

And you know how I mentioned I sought refuge with likeminded fans? I think that happened all over the fandom. People seek out those who will support them and support their beliefs and form identities and communities based around them… and that’s a double-edged sword.

On the one hand, it’s great to get so much support, especially if you’re seeking refuge from a particularly nasty ship war. Having a safe place to vent and unwind and finally get to talk about what you love without fear of getting hate over it is awesome.

On the other hand, things like echo chambers, confirmation bias, groupthink, and the false consensus effect flourish in those kinds of situations. If all you hear is that XYZ pairing must be canon or will be canon in a future game from the group of people you’ve surrounded yourself with, and everyone enthusiastically agrees because everyone ships the same thing you do and of course no one is going to rain on that parade, it can come as quite a shock when a new piece of canon comes out and doesn’t align to your expectations. Especially if you’ve spent years expecting canon to align with your expectations. 

We lose something when we can’t engage in healthy dialogue with people who disagree with us. Our perceptions get warped, our memories might even get warped, and what we could’ve sworn was canon… we might be surprised to see wasn’t, when we revisit the source material with a more critical eye or listen to someone who sees things differently than we do. 

But how can we have that healthy dialogue when there’s been so much bad blood? How can we listen to each other when there’s no trust? It’s nearly impossible, so instead we reinforce the beliefs and ideas our own communities already hold fast to, and the cycle continues. We draw lines in the sand separating “us” vs. “them” and don’t give each other a chance. Not only does this alienate people on opposite ends of the shipping spectrum, it also alienates multishippers because they’re considered “traitors” to both sides, and that is an uncomfortable place to be. 

I think that’s why you find the whole thing so jarring. I’m guessing you might not be as heavily involved with the fandom as I am, and have thus been largely immune from the perils of echo chambers and confirmation bias. So for you it must seem really weird that something that seems clear to you is so contentious to other people. I don’t say this to throw shade at anyone, because I know the same thing would’ve happened if the pairings had gotten switched around. It’s more of an observation of a phenomenon I’ve seen happen over and over again throughout the years. 

So all of that is to say, things are tense because of all these backgrounds and experiences and histories people bring into the fandom. No one exists in a vacuum, and things were already tense before K/H/3 even came out. K/ingdom H/earts has been such an important part of many people’s lives and growing up experiences that they feel a deep connection to it and almost a sense of ownership of it. It’s a shared story, a shared experience. It belongs to all of us, in a way, and yet it’s still N*mura’s baby.

And that’s where we run into more issues. How much say should fans have in a work of art? Does the creator get the final say in interpretation, or should she accept that once her creation has been released into the world, it’s up to other people to interpret what she meant? There are no easy answers to these kinds of questions, and they’re widely debated and discussed (see: the whole death of the author debacle). 

However, while I think feeling a sense of ownership and investment in a piece of art is totally fine, it crosses the line when it gets into the realm of entitlement. By this I do not mean asking for more representation, because that is a perfectly good thing to ask for; I mean demanding that the creators cater to your whims… or else. I mean contacting people who worked on the game on twitter and demanding they change the story to make it “right.” I mean directly telling one of the VAs you want her replaced because you thought she did a bad job. And yes, I am talking about actual stuff I’ve seen happen in this very fandom. All of that has also left me with a bad taste in my mouth, and other people I’ve talked to have felt the same. 

That being said, shipping in and of itself is not the problem. For every nasty tweet and bashing post out there, there are plenty of kind and good people who are just there to enjoy their ships. Lovely artists and talented writers and skilled gif makers and editors creating a wealth of beautiful content for something they love. People who would never harass others for their shipping preferences and are disgusted by those who do. Unfortunately, they’re not the ones getting the attention, and they’re probably not the ones you’re going to run into if you ship a different ship, as they tend to stick to their own spaces out of courtesy and respect. 

This means that the people you are more likely to run into are the ones who want to pick fights. The ones who bash and stir up drama and tell people to kill themselves for shipping XYZ. While there are plenty of people being cruel and nasty and toxic, there are good people in the fandom too. Kind, caring people who will see you as a person first and not an XYZ, even if they don’t agree with you on everything. They’re quiet(er), because kindness isn’t usually flashy and showy, but they’re here. You just have to know how to find them.   

Thanks for the ask! I tried to answer this as fairly as I could, based on my observations and things I’ve been stewing over for a while now, so I hope it sheds more light on the situation. 

[dvp95]

can’t breathe when you touch my sleeve - chapter 3

pairing: dan howell/phil lester

rating: e (eventually)

warnings: none

tags: alternate universe, slow burn, fluff & humour, tiny bit of inner turmoil wrt sexuality but trust me it’s not that deep, eventual smut, idiots in love

word count: 3,385 for this chapter (12,653 total)

summary: Dan keeps making a fool of himself in interviews, to the point where it’s basically a meme. Now he’s got to sit down for the better part of an hour and sell his show to the YouTuber he’d had a massive crush on when he was a teenager.

read from the beginning on ao3 or on tumblr!

read this chapter on ao3 or here!

Dan has been dreading the seemingly-inevitable call from his family, now that filmed interviews are being uploaded and live interviews are starting in the next few days, so he’s almost disappointed when it never comes.

Surely his parents know he’s in London. There’s promotion for his show on a couple different channels they watch, and his dad has always been fairly good at keeping up with entertainment news. Adrian follows him on Instagram, but - and Dan isn’t proud of this - he can’t remember if Adrian still lives in Wokingham or not. He can’t even remember how old Adrian is without doing the math.

So maybe they haven’t been keeping up with Netflix shit, maybe Adrian isn’t home to tell their parents that he’s in town, but surely, surely some well-meaning friend of the family will say something? That’s always been the case when he comes to town.

After almost a whole week, though, Dan cracks. He calls his mum. It goes to voicemail.

That makes him panic a little, but she texts him an, at work … call you when I’m home x. So, questionable ellipses usage aside, Dan is comfortably reassured that his entire family isn’t dead.

Dan busies himself with catching up on the Heatwave cast interviews he hasn’t watched yet. Patrick doesn’t like to watch them and Jaime couldn’t give a shit one way or the other, but Dan is unable to allow a video of him to exist without knowing exactly what it contains. That’s a control thing, mostly, but he also doesn’t want to be blindsided by a new Daniel Interview Meme that he doesn’t understand.

He types his own name into the YouTube search bar and feels his heartrate pick up when he sees a thumbnail from BBC Radio One.

Thinking about Phil makes his heart race like he’s a teenager with a crush, and he presses play just so he can listen to Phil talk. He can barely remember what he said in the interview, so completely caught up in Phil’s eyes and grin as he’d been.

The interview itself is good. Nothing special, in terms of the actual things they talk about, but Dan can feel the difference in the way he speaks to Phil versus the way he’s spoken to anyone else - comfort. He had been so immediately comfortable with their back-and-forth, only awkward because he’d been trying so hard not to think about what Phil looked like under his nice clothes.

Dan wonders if anyone else can see the difference or if he only notices because he’s so attuned to his own body language, has the advantage of knowing the whole context.

He scrolls idly through the comments and feels heat rise to his face.

Yeah. People noticed.

Lots of comments are just about Dan or the show or the lack of Patrick or Jaime, but there’s more than a few that are about Dan and Phil’s apparent chemistry. Phil, being an out gay man with no partner and a fanbase, probably has to deal with these types of comments all the time, but it’s new for Dan.

Dan shakes his head to try and clear it. He doesn’t want to get stuck in YouTube comments and feel impotent irritation every time someone replies, ‘uh, Daniel Howell is straight’, like they know him. Like he’s ever said that.

He’s been photographed with women, because he’s casually dated them over the past decade, but he’s never said he’s straight. And it never works out with them anyway.

Dating girls is fine - they’re all softness and little sighs and hands that look so extremely small wrapped in his own - but he doesn’t think he can ever be with one for a significant amount of time. That thought is one he usually keeps locked in his mental box, but. He doesn’t shy away from it this time.

Even if he could admit it to himself proper, it’s easier for Dan to just not talk about it publicly. He hasn’t dated anyone seriously enough for it to be an issue in ten years. Nobody needs to know that every time he’s inside a woman he remembers why it never progresses past that.

It’s fine. It’s always fine. It’s just, if he’s completely honest with himself, 'fine’ isn’t what he wants to settle for.

“Moot point anyway,” Dan mumbles to himself, clicking over to Phil’s channel for a distraction. “Not like you’re gonna do anything about it, you big fucking coward.”

Phil has uploaded the video he told Dan about when Dan was busy trying not to stare at his mouth. It’s such a welcome distraction that Dan almost doesn’t clock the title and thumbnail for the buffoonery they are.

IS MY DOG PSYCHIC?

The title doesn’t change when Dan blinks. Neither does the image of Thor, edited to be wearing round glasses in front of a crystal ball.

“What,” Dan says, clicking on the video before any of it really sinks in.

“Hi guys,” says Phil. He already looks like he’s trying not to laugh. “I know you read the title and you’re like, what, but I promise it is not clickbait! As I’m sure many of you know, my grandma had 'the gift’, and sometimes I think she passed it on to me. The question is, did I pass it on to my son?”

Phil pulls an over-exaggerated thoughtful expression and then breaks, giggling and shaking his head at himself.

“I know it’s stupid, but, I also figured it might be funny? I dunno, you tell me.”

It’s exactly as silly as Dan expects it to be. Phil sits on his floor with Thor while the dog 'reads’ his tarot cards. Dan can see why this video gave Phil a hard time in editing. There are a lot of close ups of Thor and the cards, filmed more like a comedy skit than a vlog.

He finds himself laughing along and getting way too invested in what the tarot cards mean, and he knows first hand how much work Phil put into this, so Dan clicks the share button before he can overthink it.

tbh watching amazingthorgi do anything could make a believer out of me, he tweets alongside the link.

Most of America is asleep still, but that doesn’t stop hundreds of people replying. Dan’s really got nothing better to do while he waits for his mum to call, so he settles in to respond to some of them. He makes a couple bad jokes, commiserates with some of them over not being able to have a dog yet, and ignores any mention of Phil.

Maybe that’s childish of him. He is sharing Phil’s work, after all. He sighs and replies to an innocuous question about how he knows Phil. met during this and then he let me meet his dog so now he’s not getting rid of me, Dan says with a link to the BBC Radio One interview.

His phone chirps with a Twitter notification and he taps it warily, still scrolling through replies on his laptop.

@AmazingPhil @danielhowell You saw his face now you’re a believer? He’ll tell your fortune anytime! It’s accompanied with dog and sparkle and crystal ball and, inexplicably, sock emojis.

Dan laughs, the sound of it almost surprising him. It’s impossible not to feel some kind of way when Phil is the way he is, so cheerful and dorky and fun.

He likes the tweet, but responds by messaging Phil - do you have me on notif or are you just always online - because he doesn’t want to add any more fuel to the fire that is Twitter stans. He can already imagine the argument threads about his sexuality that he usually tries so hard to avoid.

The thought of strangers picking apart something he’s not even comfortable with himself is abhorrent, makes him itch, and he puts on some older AmazingPhil videos to calm himself back down.

That depends

on?

Which one is lamer lmao

Phil’s voice filling the lonely hotel room and his words taking up space on Dan’s screen where something anxiety-inducing might have otherwise been is almost enough to make Dan as comfortable as Phil’s physical presence does.

Almost. It’s unreal how much Dan wants to reach through both of his screens to pull Phil closer.

Dan hides his smile in his hand, even though nobody is around to see it, and replies, tbh those are equally lame so you might as well go with the truth

I was on Twitter anyway. I really shouldn’t be, I’m supposed to be responding to emails. Phil keeps typing, then stops, then repeats that process a few times before he finally adds, I should go do that, but you can call or facetime me if you want to keep talking or whatever? It’s easier not to type/text while I’m doing emails lol

And, in a third message, a string of numbers. Phil’s phone number.

Well, that sounds better than using Phil’s videos as background noise. Dan shuts his laptop and gets out of bed to fuss with his hair.

“You’re such an idiot,” he tells his judgemental reflection. It, thankfully, does not respond.

Once he’s gotten his hair into some semblance of order - it’s mostly still straight from yesterday, but it got all sleep-mussed and a bit wavy in the front overnight - Dan tosses on a shirt and video calls the number Phil gave him.

Phil picks up with a big grin and sleepy eyes, and Dan almost hangs up on him to stop the heart palpitations in their tracks. “Hi!”

“Hey, you just wake up?” Dan asks, getting comfortable in the hotel room armchair. It feels weird to lie back down in bed while they’re chatting. Phil is at his desk, phone propped up so he can use both hands to type. His glasses are a little crooked and his shirt is too big on him, exposing his collarbones whenever he leans forward. Unfortunately, he looks like serious wank material right now.

“Yeah, had my first coffee already, though,” says Phil. “You would not like me before my coffee.”

“Barely like you now, mate,” Dan says to try and hide his blush at the idea of seeing Phil first thing in the morning. Phil just laughs. It’s tinny through Dan’s phone speaker, but it still makes Dan feel warm.

“You’re awfully chatty for someone who doesn’t like me,” says Phil.

“I’m only bored, don’t flatter yourself,” says Dan. “My mum’s supposed to call me in a few hours, so I’m just kind of waiting around til then.”

“Oh, yeah, you haven’t had the chance to go home yet, have you?” Phil’s tongue pokes out between his teeth as he concentrates on whatever he’s reading. “My mum would be going out of her gourd. When was the last time you went home?”

Dan doesn’t really like the way that Phil keeps calling it 'home.’ Wokingham hasn’t been home in a very long time.

He doesn’t want to get into that, though, so he just shrugs. “Uh, Christmas?”

“Dan,” Phil says, looking appalled. “It’s August.”

“I don’t live here,” says Dan. “And I’m busy. My family gets it.”

Phil hums, a little disapproving still. Dan has to bite his tongue so he doesn’t say anything scathing, reminding himself that some people actually like their parents.

It’s not that Dan doesn’t love them, because he does, it’s just. Complicated.

“Do you get to see your family often?” Dan asks, desperate to get the attention off of how shit a son he is.

“Not as often as I’d like,” says Phil. He sounds so genuinely sad about it, like he really would like nothing more than to go visit his parents every weekend. “My brother lives in town, so I see him a lot.”

“I didn’t know you had a brother.”

“Yeah, he’s -” Phil cuts himself off, then, and gives Dan an apologetic sort of look through his screen. “You don’t want to hear about my family.”

“I do,” Dan says, and he’s surprised by how much he means it. He shifts in the armchair. It isn’t that comfortable. “Dude, I already know every song on your iTunes, what’s so weird about telling me stuff about your family? They clearly mean a lot to you.”

He has no idea how to interpret the expression on Phil’s face, but whatever it is shifts into a smile as he turns back to his computer. “Okay, his name’s Martyn, he’s older than me, we work together -”

This time, Dan cuts him off. “You do? I haven’t seen him on your channel.”

“He’s not really interested in being on camera. We actually run IRL Merch together, although honestly it’s mostly Martyn.”

Phil explains the business to Dan, who feels himself getting more and more awed by the amount of stuff Phil does on any given day. It isn’t just sitting in front of his camera and then in front of his computer for a handful of hours.

Granted, Dan never thought that being a YouTuber was easy, or everyone would do it, but Phil seems to add things onto his plate that he doesn’t really need to do.

Dan listens for a little while, changing positions in the armchair a few times before he gives up and flops back onto the bed.

“Phil,” he says, holding his phone high above his head and making a face at the angle. It’s fine, really, Phil has barely been glancing at him this whole time. Now that Dan has some kind of idea about the number of people Phil works with, he gets the hours of emails thing. “Do you ever take a break? Hang out with your friends?”

“What friends?” Phil jokes, but Dan senses there’s some truth behind it.

“Okay, first of all,” says Dan, “big mood.”

Phil’s laugh seems like it’s surprised out of him, and his eyes flick to his phone again. They linger on Dan for a long moment before turning away again. Although, to be fair, that may be lag from shitty hotel wifi. “Is it?”

“Yeah, man, like I’ve got any fucking friends. Second of all, you need to take some breaks or you’re going to burn the fuck out.”

“Trust me, I know,” says Phil.

“I know Thor already reminds you to take breaks,” says Dan. “But he can’t force you to. I can.”

“You’re gonna force me to take breaks?” Phil hums, his eyebrows raising. “How exactly are you going to manage that when you’re back in Atlanta?”

“I can be very annoying with nothing but an internet connection,” Dan promises. “You wanna see?”

“No, no, I believe you, and I need to get this done, please don’t.”

They both laugh, quiet, and Dan curls up on his side to just watch Phil work for a little while. Phil runs his fingers through his hair every so often and mouths along to whatever he types. Dan has no idea how one person can simultaneously be the hottest and the most adorable thing ever.

“I have a brother too,” Dan offers.

“Do you?” Phil asks, more surprised than Dan expects him to be. “That’s not on your Wikipedia.”

“He doesn’t like the attention,” says Dan. It’s a half-truth. Most of what he says about his family are half-truths. “But you’re not, like, a stan account or the media or whatever.”

“Technically, I am both,” Phil jokes. “I’ll keep it to myself, though, don’t worry.”

Dan isn’t worried. He trusts Phil not to go blabbing about him on the radio, even with something as small as Adrian’s existence.

It feels a little strange to trust someone so immediately, and part of Dan wants to pull back, put some distance between them, because the combination of trust and a deepening crush can only spell disaster. He’s not going to do that. He’s only got Phil nearby for another two weeks.

After they’ve finished their media circus in London, then Edinburgh, then Dublin, Dan is off to France with Patrick and Jaime. They’re only hitting a handful of international media press, but that’s more than they were asked to do last year. It’s exciting to be expanding this way, to have something to point to and say, 'I did that before I was 30’.

And when they’re done with the press tour, Dan… goes home. Back to Atlanta, where his apartment is being sublet during his summer travelling.

They don’t even know yet if Heatwave will get a fourth season. It’s a bit of an industry joke that Netflix shows rarely make it past the third. Dan doesn’t even want to consider how Atlanta will feel without a steady filming job down the street.

Probably not much like home. Nowhere feels all that much like home, if Dan’s honest.

“Hey, you still with me?”

Dan blinks away the doom and gloom of his uncertain future and refocuses on the conversation he’s supposed to be a part of. Phil is looking at him now, the sort of undivided attention that makes Dan’s cheeks burn.

“Yeah, sorry,” says Dan. “I’m still here. Have you made a dent in those emails?”

Not the most graceful change of subject, but Phil allows it with a small snort. “No, for I am Sisyphus, doomed to answer a dozen emails only for another dozen to arrive.”

“Maybe if you didn’t have, like, three jobs, this wouldn’t be a problem,” Dan points out. “I get maybe two important emails a day. It’s great.”

“Maybe,” says Phil. He’s still just looking at Dan, his chin resting on an open palm.

“What?” Dan asks, feeling a smile tug at his lips.

Phil smiles back, brighter. “Nothing.”

There’s a warmth in his face, visible even through the mediocre FaceTime quality, that makes Dan’s stomach twist all up in knots. He doesn’t know how to handle that at all. “My mum’s calling I gotta go bye,” he says in one breath, hanging up before Phil can even react.

While he waits for his heart to stop pounding, Dan stares at the hotel ceiling and wonders what the fuck is wrong with him.

–

Dan’s mum does call, eventually. He’s been fucking around on Guild Wars and cursing the wifi for god only knows how long, refusing to check his phone so he doesn’t have to be faced with another message - or the lack of one - from Phil. Dan finishes the raid and then calls his mum back.

“Daniel, hi,” she says, sounding frazzled in the way she always seems to.

“Hey, mum.” It feels weird, now that he’s got her on the phone, but he pushes past that discomfort. “I was just calling to let you know that I’m in London.”

The sound of a door slamming comes through before his mum says, “Well, yes, dear. I know that.”

She doesn’t sound upset with him. More than anything, she sounds confused. Like she doesn’t know why he’s even telling her this. Like it hasn’t even occurred to her to nag her son for a visit. Dan has to swallow past a lump in his throat, not sure why he wishes she was angry.

“Oh,” he says. Allows a long moment of quiet to pass, just in case she wants to explain herself. She doesn’t. “Well. Okay. Do you - are you busy weekend after next? I could come see you before we leave for the continent.”

“That’s quite short notice, dear,” his mum says, and Dan experiences a dizzying rush of relief and distress before she continues. “But I’m sure I can make some time for dinner.”

Dan exhales. Dinner. He can do dinner.

“That sounds good,” he says. Another half-truth. “I’ll text you?”

“Yes, yes,” his mum says, already sounding distracted. “Text me and we’ll make a proper plan. Work hard til then, okay? I love you.”

“I love you too. Bye.”

The call ends almost as abruptly as his call with Phil, but Dan is okay with that.

im going to see my fam before i leave england jsyk, Dan texts to Phil. Phil sends him celebratory emojis in response. And maybe dinner with his family will be horrible, maybe it will be great, most likely it will be slightly uncomfortable, but at least he isn’t disappointing Phil on top of everyone else he’s let down.

[calmingforthemedicalcaregiver]

WELCOME!!

WARNING:  Near the end, talk of depression, implied talk of suicide and hurting yourself. (I never hurt myself, just so you know.)

Hello one and all!

    This is my new blog for caregivers. It’s a little inspired by some website I ran across around 2007, the year after I first started caregiving for my mom. (War flashbacks.) The site had funny jokes and things, intended for something for caregivers to do when they’re relaxing. I thought I’d do a similar idea, and throw in what I’ve learned over 10 years, (16 years this year), of doing this. Everyone needs a break sometimes.

About my experience (long!): My mom had multiple sclerosis for a long time. I remember her symptoms were starting to hit hard when I was in JR. high, but I think she first developed the disease in the late 80s or early 90s. For most of my life, we thought it was what’s called remitting-recurring, but it was primary progressive, which is just what it means. Her health declined over time. She went from walking, to being bedridden in 2006 sometime after a bad fall, with canes, wheelchairs and walkers in between. There was also this whole thing in 2005 when we were taking on a job and the stress may have brought on a flare up for her. We were never really sure. Unfortunately, her neurologist was frighteningly old. To this day I don’t know why she picked him. I will always blame him for misdiagnosing her, and I don’t even remember what the guys name was.

So, longer story, eventually her legs just gave out, but it got worse. She stopped eating and talking. As it turned out, her GP was on maternity leave, and on top of that, it took the better part of six months to even get her admitted into the hospital.  I know, it all sounds scary and it was scary. During those months BEFORE the hospital, I was sinking into depression and so was she. There was a lot of crying involved. (Also an incident where our roof was leaking and we had to stay at a hotel. Fun times (sarcasm.) I have mentally blocked a lot of it out, but that’s what happens with traumatic events. Your brain is so in shock, you’re so in shock, that your brain deletes those files. And that’s okay, for the most part. If you remember the basics of how you started caregiving and what’s going on with your “patient”, you don’t have to give doctors and nurses every single detail.

After she was finally admitted (and frick that whole hospital by the way), it was months she was there. We thought the worst was going to happen. Eventually she was released, and that’s when the denial started. You see, there’s things you don’t think about and no one tells you. When you’re 22, you don’t think about caregiving. And you don’t think about how the months your relative was drugged up on painkillers and how it’ll effect them after months. So, my mom came out of the hospital...how to put this...out of it and not there mentally. Like someone with Alzheimer's I guess. She was talking again, here and there, but everything was off. This lasted for months and we had no clue what to do. Eventually, we got her to her doctor, now back from maternity leave, and I asked about it. Her answer? “The (name of drugs) have been absorbed by the fat in her arms and that’s why she’s acting like this.” What the actual frick? So, more months of being lost and no answer if she was going to be like that forever or what. Cue sometime later and we’re having nurses come in. This nurse suggests putting her on X drug to stabilize her mind or whatever. (I can’t remember exactly what was said, it was so long ago.) I was ecstatic, but I was also in denial. I thought one day she was going to pull out of it and be back to normal mentally. Not sure if I felt the same about her maybe walking again, but it’s a moot point. So, got her on it, and it worked. She was now making more sense, but pretty euphoric all the time. Chatty. And eating again and off the feeding tube. (Yep, that happened.) I forgot to mention that she has dementia, but it’s not “true” dementia. As far as we can tell, the MS and lack of food just ate away at her brain, so brain damage.

So, things progressed and life went on. In situations like this, life does tend to get worse though. My attitude changed a lot. I went from being angry and depressed all the time to being less angry and sad sometimes. (I suspect-surprise-I may have functioning depression.) But my mom is miles from where she was. She doesn’t talk as much to us, but you get a new person in the room and they ask her the right questions, she’s awake and wants to talk. A year ago, she didn’t have ticks, but now she sucks in her lips about every three seconds. (I’ll be honest, it drives me insane.) I know she is bored, but her eyesight isn’t that great (nearsighted), and her hands are failing her to the point where we have to feed her if it’s not a finger food. And, as you may know, it’s hard to keep a bedridden or old person awake for long. If she’s tired, there’s no fighting it. I have tried to provide her with puzzles and things, but it depends on the time of day and how awake she is. I have NO IDEA how to keep her entertained. She used to love reading, but you hand her a magazine and she just stares at the cover. How do you entertain someone who can barely see with weak hands who wants to sleep all day? I’m still figuring that out. (I’ve looked at suggestions online, but haven’t done a lot of them. But, she does like music and listens to the TV more than really watches. That’s another thing, she’s gotten to the point where she repeats random things from shows. I’m not sure why, guess it’s just the degeneration. 

And as for me, I take it one day at a time. We’ve had 100+ nurses over the years, and our latest is a gem. Some nurses were “okay”  to “Please stay forever, here’s a bonus”.  My point with that is, I have so many stories I want to get out, but I’m not sure if that’s slander even if you keep the person anonymous. Back to me, I’m less upset, but I have a lot of resentment. I find it very hard to connect with my mom again. She doesn’t remember me at all, thinking I’m her mom (whut?) or her sister. (I look nothing like her actual sister.) So, the repeating soundtrack in my head is that my mother is gone. It’s heartbreaking, I know. It’s horrible. But horrible things happen. I’m still here. Like most caregivers, in the beginning I had a lot of bad thoughts and they scared me, but I wasn’t in so deep to want to act or hurt myself. Sure, I was miserable, but I had no outlet and many of my friends around my age at the time were, for the most part, not my friends. (Three of them got married in like the first five years I’d started caregiving. Never heard from them after that. That’s another rant I held with me for a long time after.)

I have repeated my mom’s story to various doctors, nurses, and inquiring friends over the years. Now I’m sharing it with the internet. If you’re a caregiver, you’re not alone, even if you feel like it. There’s thousands of us in the US, of various ages, and probably millions more the world over. (It’s popular in Asian countries for the elderly parents to live at home.)  I encourage you to have an outlet. Forums, support groups, chat rooms, it’s all out there. I don’t do forums anymore for the most part, but I enjoy a good twitter rant or just a good cry. And, of course, I believe in prayer and recommend it. 

My mom is 65. She used to be a nurses assistant. She liked British sitcoms, music, movies, loved reading, animals and spending time with my dad and family.

I’m almost 36. I’ve been taking care of her since I was 22. I like anime, drawing, reading, and lots of other stuff.  I’m strong and you are too. Rely on others, take breaks, connect with your charge the best you can and you’ll get through this. 

Avatar is from:  https://www.freepik.com/free-vector/set-card-people-various-occupations-take-photo-id-cartoon-character-isolated-flat-illustration_13330845.htm

[glitterisevil-blog]

What Christmas Means to Me

“It’s the most wonderful time of the year” or so the song goes. But not if you’re someone who has mild Aspergers, OCD, or an awkward combination of the two. Even as I write this I’m acutely aware that I’m about to make myself sound like the biggest arsehole known to mankind, but I wanted to share this post to give people a bit of an insight into the way my brain works, and so that when I’m being particularly “un-festive” in the run up to Christmas, there’s a bit more understanding around why. I’m not just being a twat, I’m really not. There are elements of it that I genuinely struggle to cope with.

 Anybody with an Autism Spectrum Disorder or anyone who has a family member on this spectrum will know how difficult certain life situations can be. I’ve read about families who can’t have a Christmas tree, or can’t unwrap presents because they have children with severe Autism who find the whole thing far too stressful. 

Now, at no point here am I implying that this is my situation, nor am I looking to enter into any sort of woe-off contest with any readers of this post. This isn’t about me wanting sympathy; it’s about being able to express my feelings. Year after year I’ve been labelled a Grinch because I’m not skipping through Tesco whistling Jingle Bells whilst cheerfully stockpiling boxes of Quality Street, nor will you find me watching Muppet’s Christmas Carol the minute that Bonfire Night is done with. And I need to explain why…

 As long as I can remember I’ve found the concept of ambiguity quite stressful, and I detest having a lack of control over things. Everyday stuff that most people do without a second thought can cause me untold degrees of angst.

For example, imagine I had to park in a car park in an unfamiliar town, in order to catch a train somewhere. It wouldn’t be enough to just turn up and park there, oh no. I’d need to look online to see how many spaces the car park had to evaluate my chances of getting a space. I’d then need to understand the payment system in advance. Do I take a ticket and pay upon exit? Or do I pay upon entering? If so, will they take my card or will I need coins? Does the car park have a one way system or not? If that car park is full, where is the nearest back-up car park and what’s the distance from the train station? Should I just assume the worst and leave the house twenty minutes earlier than planned in case I need to use that back up car park and then have to walk to the station to get my train on time? It’s unlikely that I’d sleep particularly well the night before the journey either, with much of this going around in my head.

And inevitably, I turn up with plenty of time to spare, grab a coffee on the platform, and catch my train, just like all the normal folk. Everyone just assumes I’m really organised. It takes a lot of cortisol for me to appear this organised.

 So, onto Christmas…descending on us each year like a giant, expensive, tinsel-covered cold sore that we all felt erupting but had no power to stop. Here’s the bit where I make myself sound like a moaning, ungrateful bastard as I list the things I can’t cope with about Christmas. To all those “Buddy the Elf” types amongst you – pin back those pointy ears and brace yourselves….

  Christmas cards

I can’t even express how delighted I was a few years back, when the trend to donate to charity rather than send Christmas cards became a thing. I seem to recall that there may have been some actual air punching involved! Perhaps I’d now be spared the ordeal of cards infiltrating my home over December, sneaking in slowly and nestling themselves Trojan horse style between the electricity bills and bank letters. Perhaps I wouldn’t have to see as many of them lying there on my doormat alluringly, expecting to be unsheathed, admired and displayed in my home for all to see. Well no, I’m not spared that ordeal. Because the majority of people will still send cards, because they think it’s nice for me to receive a card, assuring me that they really want me to have a merry Christmas.

 Someone should pass an Act of Parliament that forces manufacturers to make Christmas cards a uniform size, shape and colour, and then perhaps I might have a chance at a merry Christmas. As it goes, I spend most of December putting them up and continually rearranging them in some semblance of size and shape order, until a new one appears in a random colour or format (a fucking purple star shaped card this year – seriously?!) and throws the entire display into chaos. Don’t even get me started on cards with glitter on FFS.  If you want me to have a merry Christmas, just tell me via text, email or Facebook and then I’ll know that you really mean it.

 Christmas trees and decorations

One day I will live in a mansion that could easily be the main feature article in Ideal Homes magazine. It will have a lounge the size of a church hall, with sleek polished wooden floors that would be the envy of any bowling alley. This lounge will contain nothing but a large sofa, a wall mounted television, a coffee table, and a textured rug. When this day comes, I might consider the concept of a massive, brightly coloured, flashing Christmas tree encroaching on my space. Whilst I live in a modest house, with a small lounge, that looks like an overflow warehouse for Toys R Us due to the amount of baby-related shit that already takes up an entire corner, I’m not entertaining one.

Based on my feelings towards a tree, I’m sure you don’t need me to explain why I won’t drape tinsel round my windows, or have a 2ft high, battery operated snowman in the house that talks to you each time you walk past it.

 Presents

This is the bit that carries the most immense guilt for me because it’s the part I really wish that I could enjoy. Those amazing people that you love dearly and who love you back, have taken time out of their busy week to spend their hard earned cash on choosing a gift for you. They’ve taken the knowledge that they have about you - the colours you like, the interests you have, your shoe size or body shape – and have used it to select a gift that’s just for you. That’s just lovely.

Except its not lovely if you’re me. Because now, a collection of unfamiliar items that I didn’t need or ask for have invaded my “safe space.”

And as well as now having to find homes for all these items, I’m also expected to show delight and gratitude to the giver of each item, and make up nonsense along the lines of “wow I’ve wanted one of these for ages!” when presented with a fucking spiraliser. This, my husband tells me, is what polite and normal people say at Christmas when presented with a gift.

Spoiler alert: I’ve not wanted one for ages, I’m sorry to tell you that this is a barefaced lie. Had this been the case I would already own one, as by now I would’ve identified some deep, primal urge to carve courgettes into the shape of spaghetti, and then trotted along to John Lewis to buy whichever gadget best made this happen.

So we can all safely assume that the fact that I didn’t already own a spiraliser means that I didn’t really want a spiraliser. But that’s a moot point because now I have one. And I have to store it somewhere in my house logical enough to convince the giver that I will use it (like the cutlery draw) and not somewhere unconvincing (like the wheelie bin) but each time I go to get a fork from the draw, seeing that bastard spiraliser sat there taking up space will remind me that I’m a horrible, ungrateful person who doesn’t deserve nice people in my life.

Now, gift cards are great, because they mean that I am in full control of all the purchases that will come into my house, and such purchases will cross the threshold following a great deal of prior consideration like whether they are needed, where they will live, and how they will be used. The beauty of the gift card is that if it happens to be for somewhere that I won’t ever shop, then I can simply choose not to use it, or re-gift it to someone who will. Yes, gift cards are good.

 Food

Franz Kafka once said that so long as you have food in your mouth, you have solved all questions for the time being. So based on this logic, during the month of December I must have solved more questions than The Beast, The Governess, and The Dark Destroyer from The Chase put together, because I literally DID NOT STOP EATING.

Food and drink are my Achilles heel, cheese especially so. Wine definitely. So having copious quantities of them around the house within easy spreading and pouring distance makes for a very difficult and uncontrolled time of year for me.

If I could merely enjoy them for what they were, and worry about the weight gain in January like everyone else does then it wouldn’t be as stressful. But that’s not how someone like me works, with my daily (sometimes twice daily) weigh ins, or my need to exercise excessively at the gym to erase the calories from a “bad” food day. Food should be enjoyed and respected. It should be shared with friends and family. It should be fuel for exercise. Food should not take the form of a tin of Roses, shovelled with wild abandon into your mouth, one after another, until you feel so violently ill that you have to put yourself to bed to resist the urge to throw them all up and start again like some sort of Roman emperor.

My unhealthy relationship with food can pretty much be kept in check from January to November because at no other point in the year do people find it acceptable to bring home a 24 pack of mince pies every time they nip to the garage for diesel. At no other point do we give ourselves carte blanche to get as fat as we want because we’re supposed to “eat drink and be merry” at this time of year. The entire concept of excessive Christmas eating, for me, dredges up far too many demons that I’d rather not face. Except not only am I expected to face them, I’m expected to welcome them in, pour them a Baileys and offer them a Ferrero Rocher because these demons have Christmas fucking jumpers on. It’s bollocks.

 So there you have it, a little glimpse of what it’s like to live inside my head over the festive period. And nobody needs to remind me of how unbelievably lucky I am to have these “problems” at Christmas because I already know this to be true, which only serves to compound the feelings of guilt that I feel when I read some of this back.

Next Christmas my son will be 18mths old and will want the WORKS! A huge tree adorned with glittery ornaments, Santa’s “snowy” footprints stomped out in the lounge, gaudy stockings hung up on the fireplace. So it’s possibly time I addressed all of these issues. Or at least some of them. I draw the line at tinsel.

[sunlightdances]

let our sparks ignite

Pairing: Sebastian Stan x Reader Rating: T Warnings: Mild language. Summary: Falling face first in front of a celebrity is not really how you pictured your day going, but here you are. Author’s Note: Hi everyone! Sorry for the delay between fics. This is another request. Anon asked for shy!Seb, and I came up with this idea. Hope you like it!

You’re sort of known for being a clumsy person among your friends and your family, so it shouldn’t be any surprise that on a bright, sunny Thursday morning, you completely eat it on the sidewalk in New York City, your headphones ripping out of your ears and phone crashing to the sidewalk.

“Ow.” You groan, cheeks flushing in embarrassment as several people stop to look at you, whispering to each other.

“Are you okay?” A voice asks, and you grimace before trying to get back to your feet.

“I think so, I—“ You stop when you look up, making eye contact with the set of bluest eyes you’ve ever seen. “I wasn’t paying attention.” You finish, your voice almost breaking at the end of your sentence.

“You’re bleeding.” He tells you, frowning as he glances at your elbow, where you see you’ve got a pretty decent scrape.

“I tripped.” You shrug. “I haven’t tripped in a few days, so honestly it was only a matter of time.”

He chuckles, the sound making you feel warm, and you feel yourself blushing again. “I’m the same way.” He turns your arm this way and that, and you almost want to yank it back, because the shivers running up and down your arm are noticeable.

He doesn’t say anything, but smiles at you through his lashes. “I’m Sebastian.” He tells you, and you try not to laugh, a strangled noise coming out instead.

“Yeah, I… I know who you are.”

He raises an eyebrow expectantly, and you tell him your name.

“I go to a gym down the street… if you want to go there with me, there’s a trainer there who could patch up your arm for you.” He says.

Your arm is starting to sting, and you realize you’re going to ruin your clothes if you don’t at least get a bandaid, so you nod slowly. “I guess that would be okay.”

You talk with him a little bit as you walk side-by-side down the street and tell him that you go for a run in the park near your apartment every other morning, and you were on your way back home when the sidewalk decided to slow down your trip.

He smiles at that. “I like to go running in parks sometimes too, but it’s a little harder now.” He gestures vaguely. “That makes me sound like a spoiled brat, but.” He shrugs.

“I get it. Must be hard to just go out and do normal things.”

His smile this time is a little bit shy, and a little bit mischevious. “Like comfort a pretty girl after she falls flat on her face?”

Your cheeks flame, but you can’t help but laugh. “Hey! I didn’t fall on my face. I fell on my elbows.”

“Oh, right.” He nods seriously, but glances at you out of the corner of his eye, that smile still on his face. He guides you into a building on your right, and you recognize it from videos you’ve seen on the Internet. “Come on, Angela can clean this up for you and get it patched up.”

On your walk to the trainer’s room, Sebastian waves at nearly everyone you pass, and you can’t help but think most of the eyes are actually on you. “This isn’t going to cause trouble for you?” You ask him, and he meets your eyes.

“Don’t worry about it.”

You can’t help it - you’ve never met a celebrity before, much less spent any longer amount of time with them. All you can picture are pictures of the two of you plastered all over the magazines and him having to do damage control. “Really, you don’t have to stay with me—“

“I want to.” He says, earnestly. He seems to second guess himself after he blurts out the words. “Is that okay?”

Your smile is shy. “Yeah. That’s okay.”

.

.

Sebastian stays in the room with you as the trainer, Angela, patches up your arm, making cheerful conversation as she distracts you from the sting of antiseptic on your scrapes.

After, you start to feel awkward, now that your reason for being around him is basically a moot point. Do you just leave? Do you thank him? What is the protocol for this type of thing?

“Um… I guess I’ll just head home. Thank you, though, for stopping to help me today. I really appreciate it.”

He scratches behind his ear in what you’re beginning to think is a nervous gesture. “It’s nothing. I, um—“ He shakes his head. “Sorry, I just— do you want to get coffee or something?”

Your mouth falls open in shock, and he must take your silence as rejection, because he starts to shake his head, apologies spilling from his lips.

“Sorry, I— you don’t have to. I thought— no, never mind. You’re probably busy, anyway.”

“I’m not. I’m not busy.” You blurt, and he looks up, hope and relief shining through his gaze.

“You could have stopped my rambling at the beginning,” he teases.

“Where’s the fun in that?” You ask, trying to tame your reddening cheeks long enough to actually flirt with the guy, because hello when are you ever going to get another chance?

He grins. “Oh, so that’s how it’s going to be, huh? After I saved your life?”

“You got me a bandaid.” You deadpan.

He rolls his eyes, but it’s playful. “Okay, well just for that, I’m not going to buy you a pastry.”

Your eyes light up. “Wait, there were pastries at stake? You didn’t say that!”

Sebastian laughs and starts walking, leaving you to trail after him. “That’s what you get!”

You’re giddy with anticipation and the sheer knowledge that Sebastian Stan wants to buy you coffee that you almost trip over your own feet when you get closer to the door, except he’s there to grab your elbow before you do.

“Careful.” He murmurs. “Wouldn’t want a repeat.”

You shiver from his voice so close to your ear. “Definitely not.” You say breathlessly, and you swear he looks smug when he pulls away.

He takes you down the street to a Starbucks and won’t let you pay for anything, earning you a dirty look from the girl behind the counter. You hide your laugh and he looks amused as he watches you.

You decide to take your coffee to go, and the two of you end up back in the park where you were jogging in the morning. You talk a little bit more about your job, and his too, though he can’t really tell you that much about what he’s working on.

“I’m going to be leaving for Atlanta in a few days and probably won’t be back for a month or so…” He trails off, picking at the label on his iced coffee. “What would you say to going out with me when I get back?”

He turns those eyes on you, which— okay, that’s just unfair. “Really?” You blurt, disbelief coloring your tone.

“Really.” He smiles.

“I— are you sure?”

This time he tips his head back and laughs, and you find yourself smiling along with him, even though it’s at your own expense.

“I’m sure. Though you sound like you might not be.” His eyes are practically sparkling as he looks at you.

“No! That’s not— I just— I’m trying to understand why you—“

He says your name, putting his hand on your elbow, tugging you a little closer to him as you both slow to a stop on the sidewalk. “I want to go out with you because I like you.” He says, hand reaching up to brush a stray hair out of your eyes. “You make me laugh, and it’s just a bonus that you’re gorgeous.”

“I could be a total creep.”

He shrugs one shoulder nonchalantly. “I’m kinda willing to take that chance.”

.

.

One month later

It’s been exactly 30 days since you quite literally fell for Sebastian Stan. Never in a million years would you have thought you’d be here, at the airport, waiting to pick him up.

You’re still not sure you haven’t dreamt the entire thing.

You still have Sebastian’s number scribbled on a Starbucks receipt just to convince yourself that it’s all real, even though you’ve talked to him every single day since he’s been gone.

You’ve texted and talked on the phone, and even used FaceTime, and it’s all so normal feeling, now. It’s just— in person… you’re still not used to that. And it seems like you always end up feeling embarrassed in front of him. You don’t really know how to get rid of the awkwardness.

You’re lingering near baggage claim, and you’re happy it’s almost the middle of the night - there’s hardly anyone around. You were a little worried about cameras. You’re not— it’s not like you care, really, but you just aren’t sure you’re ready for the barrage on social media.

Your phone pings, and you look down, a smile spreading across your face.

S: Just landed. On my way to you soon :-)

You grin to yourself, butterflies feeling your stomach at the thought of seeing him in just a few minutes. It’s the same feeling you got at seeing an email he sent you last week at three in the morning that had you dazed for hours after you woke up and read it.

It’s three in the morning and I know you’re going to kick my ass for sending this in the middle of the night (morning?), but I can’t help it. I just want to make sure that you and I are on the same page.

You said something about online dating while we were on the phone earlier, and I just… I want you to understand — I like you. I like you a lot and I don’t want you to date anyone else. When I get home, I want you to come to my apartment and if you do, I’m going to make you dinner and start sweeping you off your feet. ;-)

Don’t make any plans for the day I get home.

I miss you.

See you soon, beautiful.

You could barely sleep because of that — you knew he liked you. He told you that. It’s just still a little hard to wrap your head around sometimes.

When you hear a group of people coming down the corridor, you push off the wall and look for him, and there’s not really enough words to describe him when he finally sees you. His face absolutely lights up. He looks — well, he looks tired. It’s the middle of the night. But he also looks so happy to see you, you can barely stand it.

You take a few steps towards him, and then you’re sort of jogging, your heart beating furiously in your chest. You missed him. You knew you did, but you didn’t want to admit it to yourself, because it would mean that you’ve actually fallen for him in a little more than a month. It’s never happened this quickly for you before.

When you get close enough, you launch yourself at him, and he catches you with a small stumble and a laugh, his arms banding tight around your waist and pulling you flush against him.

“Hey, you.” He breathes into your ear, sending shivers erupting down your spine.

“Hi,” you reply, and he lets go of you enough to look at you.

“I didn’t scare you off, huh?” He asks quietly, and you know he means the email.

“I wouldn’t here if you did.”

Another dazzling smile. “Good.”

He grabs his bag from the luggage carousel and then you’re off to the parking lot, chatting amicably as you go. He tells you about a few of the sightseeing places he went to in Atlanta and you tease him for the t-shirt he tosses at you - a souvenir, he says.

“You, uh—“ He starts, once he gets in the car, “You still want to come back to my place? I know it’s late. I just… I don’t really want you to go home, yet.”

You blush, but he’s so cute you already know you can’t say no. “Only if you let me crash on the couch. I’m pretty tired.”

The look he fixes you with is a half smolder, half shy look. “Wasn’t really thinking the couch for you, sweetheart.”

“You’re feeling confident, are you?”

“Only a little.” He grins.

You drive back to Sebastian’s building and find a spot on the curb outside. He won’t let you carry anything for him as you walk up to the building, and while he fishes his keys out of his pocket, you take a minute to admire him. His hair is messy from sleeping on the plane, and he’s got a day’s worth of stubble lining his strong jaw.

“You’re staring.” He murmurs.

You cock your head to the side, “I’ll be done in a minute.”

He lets out a loud, full laugh and reaches for your hand. “Shit, I missed you.”

Upstairs, he shows you around briefly and heads into the bedroom to get changed. You’re trying not to feel awkward as you sit alone in his living room, and are relieved when he comes back out, a small bundle of clothes in his hands.

“Here. More comfortable, probably.” He says, tossing you a t-shirt and a pair of boxers.

“Thanks.” You reply, blushing, and he winks before directing you to the bathroom as he heads into the kitchen. It’s late, but you’re both hungry, so he gets to work, the sound of pots and pans clanging around making you giggle.

When you come back, he turns around and as he catches sight of you, he almost drops the pan in his hand. “Jesus.” He mutters to himself, and you stifle a laugh. He puts the pan back on the stove. “You look… wow.”

You blush, and he turns the stove off before coming around the counter to greet you, a hand tentatively on your waist. “Is this okay?” He asks, and you nod your head, unable to speak.

The mood shifts to one of anticipation, and you find yourself almost holding your breath.

He tilts your head up and smooths your hair back in one smooth movement, and when his mouth meets yours, you’re ready for him, a whimper escaping you as soon as his lips touch yours. His large hands frame your face, thumbs brushing over your temples in a soothing motion, and you melt into him.

He pulls back eventually, breathing heavy, eyes closed. “Wanted to do that for weeks.”

“Me too.”

His eyes open, pupils overtaking his irises. “I made grilled cheese.”

You laugh, “That is so not what I expected you to say right after kissing you for the first time.”

He blushes. “Shut up!” He’s laughing, too. “I— I don’t want to eat right now.” That look in his eyes is back, and you shudder.

“I don’t either.”

“Thank God.” He murmurs, and then he’s on you again, his hands sliding around your waist and tugging you closer, lifting you practically off your feet as he kisses you. His mouth opens under yours, the kiss getting deeper and deeper by the second as he lets out a low groan, the sound going straight to where you’re aching for him.

He takes a few steps forward until your back hits the table, and then he’s hoisting you up, placing you on the edge, his mouth never leaving yours.

Your legs wrap around his hips instinctively and he rocks his hips lightly into yours, the friction so good you’re almost seeing stars. His kisses trail down your jaw and neck and his hand finds it’s way up the front of your shirt, stroking and caressing every inch of bare skin he can reach.

“Baby,” He breathes, “Hold on.”

You whine in protest, and he chuckles.

“Jesus, you’re gorgeous.” He says, his forehead meeting yours as he leans into you. “I don’t— don’t get the wrong idea, please. I’m just super tired from my flight, and I know you are too, and I don’t want you to think that I only brought you back here because I wanted—“

“Seb.” You stop him, a hand over his mouth. “It’s okay. I know. I’m tired, and kinda hungry, and honestly? Those grilled cheeses look really good.”

His smile is full of relief. “You’re perfect, you know that?”

.

.

Later, you’re in his bed, scrolling through your phone as you wait for him to finish up in the bathroom. You’re still a little nervous, but he’s doing everything he can to make you feel at home here with him.

When he comes out, he stops in the doorway. “Look at you.” He whispers, smiling gently. “I like seeing you, here.”

“I like being here.” You tell him honestly, and he slides into bed next to you easily, hands immediately tugging you closer.

“If I’m going too fast or doing anything you don’t like, you have to tell me. I— I’m falling in love with you.” His eyes are twin pools of blue, pulling you in. “I don’t know if this is happening too fast, but I know how I feel. But if it’s too much, you have to let me know. I don’t want to freak you out.”

“You’re sweet.” You whisper, your hand reaching up and cupping his cheek. “I’d tell you if I’m uncomfortable. I’m not. I like being here with you. I like you.”

“You know… you almost cracking your head open that day is turning out to be one of the best things that’s ever happened to me.” He teases.

“Rude!” You say, swatting at him, laughing when he tries to duck away from you.

“Go to sleep. I’m taking you out for breakfast tomorrow.”

“Today, actually.” You correct him, yawning.

“Smartass.” He says, but it’s affectionate.

“See you in the morning.” You say quietly, sleep already starting to overtake you as you snuggle closer to him, your head falling into the crook of his neck.

“In the morning.” He echoes, his arms wrapped tight around you.

You fall asleep warm and comfortable, for once not cursing your clumsy streak.

[gyeheoni]

tag game - the interview

tagged by: @kpoppinandlockin (thank you savvy ;-;/ hope you’re doing well and taking care lovely <3) 

1. Why did you choose your url?

... i unfortunately looked up the lyrics to get away by verivery at 4am in the morning when i was fragile™ and fell down a hole i was not emotionally prepared to ... and then decided to make my whole personality online about it :D idk get away is neat and my url is canon 

2. Any side blogs? If you have them, name them and why you have them?

this is technically a sideblog ... it used to be where i dumped my multi group rbs but then it became an x1 blog, and when x1 d*sbanded it went back to multi and then dormant until now... 

i also have @haknew my tbz blog ^^ and what i consider my “main” blog now just bc i’m most active there... and then @sunnhoon for enhypen ! my main @hearttoshu is for seventeen but i don’t use it all that much anymore >.< i also have some inactive sides that i won’t list tho lmao

3. How long have you been on Tumblr?

hmm i was on tungle before i was a kp*ppie but idr how long ago that was so i think i made my main blog maybe 4 or 5 years ago ? 

4. Do you have a queue tag?

yes ^^ i like switching my queue tags around after a bit but rn it’s “invitation just for queue” and it’s LITERALLY just a response to gyehyeon’s first verse line in get away where he says “invitation just for me” but i made a pun and it went from “invitation just for you” to “queue” bc i’m embarrassing 

5. Why did you start your blog in the first place?

i started out on tungle in the first place just bc i wanted to talk to more carats ;;;; since no one i knew at the time followed seventeen and then when i turned my main into just svt i made this blog for other groups >.< 

6. Why did you choose your icon / pfp?

LISTEN DONGHEON IS KINDA CUTE idk man i have no idea who that dude is ... also i’m a sprout and so i edited a sproutling onto his head bc I’M EMBARRASSING 

7. Why did you choose your header?

it’s ... from... the get away ... mv.... it’s sparkly ..... heoni is standing in the middle ;((( i don’t like these questions why do i feel like i’m bein attacked-

8. What’s your post with the most notes?

it’s this gifset i made of poetic beauty jaehyun and it has 1.6K + notes bc jaehyun. if you mean more recently it’s this oneus set i made bc i think keonhee is cute T-T and then my first ever vrvr set of heon ending fairy has the most notes for my vrvr posts >.< it doesn’t even have 100 notes yet tho haha 

9. How many mutuals do you have?

hhh a lot ;-; which is wild since i’m actually super antisocial ;;;; on this blog specifically it’s probably only a handful >.< and i feel bad that they have to deal with me bc i don’t shut up here DLKJKF

10. How many followers do you have?

hmm on main i have 5, on haknew it’s like 2, here it’s like 0.4 and on sunnhoon it’s about 0.03 followers U.U (exactly !) 

11. How many people do you follow?

283 ! 

12. Have you ever made a shitpost?

usually only on here ;;;; or idk if you count tag ramblings i act very neurotic all the time on this blog it’s unfortunate ... i feel sorry for everyone who follows me here hhhhh

13. How often do you use Tumblr each day?

very ? a couple months ago i spent way more time on twt but with k*ngdom i came crawling back to tungle for my mental health ... and then tungle made my mental health EVEN worse somehow so yeaaaa love this site so much <3 

14. Did you have a fight / argument with another blog once? Who won?

not really ? unless you count deobiblr collectively attacking me so i’d admit to biasing kevin moon .... 

15. How do you feel about ‘you need to compare this’ posts?

what posts are those ...? >.< 

16. Do you like tag games?

yea actually ! i really love doing them and reading what my moots have to say ! and i love doing them too but ;;;; idk i usually get tagged in a lot on all my blogs but i always feel bad about spamming personal posts T-T even on here i feel kinda bad about it bc i’m sure a lot of people don’t want to see it so i never get around to doing all of them and people stop tagging me LOL also i’m always scared to tag people just bc i don’t want to be annoying and that stops me from doing them too ;;;; 

17. Do you like ask games?

yea aabsolutely ! i really love rambling LMAO idk if you can tell but again it clogs my blogs and then i feel bad about it even if i wanted to do it ;;;; or i get scared no one will want to send me anything haha ....

18. Which of your mutuals do you think is Tumblr famous?

a lot of them ? i consider a lot of my moots “big blogs” in their respective fandoms like my enha blog is only like 6 days old but some “big” engene ccs follow me it’s pretty funny ... 

19. Do you have a crush on a mutual?

yes of course all of them i would give them kithes (virtual ones and only if they were okay with it u.u) but on a more serious note ... i have like ?? friend or cc crushes... blogs who i think are neat or i like their tags / content and would love to be friends with but .... i’m too scared to talk to LOL 

idk who to tag bc again this blog is tinie >.< but thanks again for the tag savvy <3 ! sorry i’m so bad at maintaining a convo i swear i’m kinda just bad at talking to people T-T so if anyone sees this and wants to do it ! go ahead and say i tagged you ^^ i’d be happy to see it haha

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[leighleighpresents-blog]

Adam Richards - Talking Poofy

GQ:  How’s your day been so far, Adam?

AR:  Oh, good, I just got home from work.

GQ:  Oh, I hear ya!  How’s your show going for the Comedy Festival?

AR:  Talking Poofy?  It’s … how would I describe it?  It’s hard to remember, because we generally plan each show anew every night.  About 5.30, we get together and plan it, so, by the time we get on stage at 10.45, it’s been about 3 or 4 litres, so … yeah, haha!

GQ:  Fair enough!  I can imagine why it’s hard to remember then!

AR:  Haha!  Yeah, we drink onstage, we’re a classy show!

GQ:  Why am I not surprised though?

AR:  I know … we’re like lazy drag queens, we can’t be bothered putting on our dresses.

GQ:  True!  All you need now is (Melbourne drag persona) Miss Candee onstage, getting the Candee-Monster out …

AR:  Oh lord … yes, that’d be terrifying.

GQ:  Well, I guess the title “Talking Poofy” is sure to raise a few eyebrows?

AR:  Well, because we started it a few years ago, the title is based on that show Talking Footy, and it’s what we all do.  We talk poofy, hope for the best, and sometimes people laugh!  Generally though, we laugh more than anyone, we don’t pay much attention to anyone else!

GQ:  I guess all the laughing onstage would make the audience laugh too…

AR: Well, yes, there is that.

GQ:  Looking through your press release, your tagline is “Everything you never wanted to know about us, and everything you were afraid to ask” …

AR:  Yeah, pretty much.  It’s aimed at straight people – they don’t come, but it’s aimed at them – kind of a Gay-To-Z … we’ve tried that onstage once, but we didn’t get any further than C.

GQ:  Hahaha!  So what sort of things have you touched upon so far?

AR:  Well, there’s a beat onstage … it’s the only comedy venue where there’s a beat onstage and one behind … Scott goes into the beat all the time, it’s very, very embarrassing.  You’d never believe the people we find out there either, it’s very busy for an onstage beat!  We talk about beats … there was a discussion of what’s commonly referred to as, Video Head Cleaner, which is weird, because no one actually has a VCR anymore.  So I don’t know why they still call it that.  And C, we get around to courtesy fingers, but the less said about that, the better.

GQ:  Right, I don’t think I know what that is, but…

AR: … Knock at the back door to let someone know you are coming in.

GQ:  Ahhh, gotcha.  I’m not a big visitor, so I’ve got no idea.  I’ve never been to one.  My housemate on the other hand, I should ask him about it all.

AR:  He’ll be more than happy to tell you about it all.  See that’s the thing, we are like an information service.  For anyone thinking of visiting poofter land.  There is a book and everything.  

GQ:  So it’s the only comedy show in the festival that’s informative as well.

AR:  Well, yeah.  I’m sure there is a lot more shows in the comedy festival that are far more informative.  It’s only informative to anyone who wants to hear about it.

GQ:  Well, that’s true, that’s true.  But then again, you gotta know about this stuff, even if you don’t want to.

AR:  Exactly.

GQ:  So you guys don’t really have a script, as such.

AR:  We have some bits written down, that we read off like a bit of paper.

GQ:  So you are professional as well.

AR:  Yeah, there are two pieces of paper that we read out of and that’s it.  That’s the only thing that’s written down in the whole show.  And there is a PowerPoint demonstration at some point, where we bust some gay myths.  Other than that, is just, kind of, Friday night’s show, afterwards we go out drinking, and Saturday nights show, ends up being about everything that happened after Friday night’s show.  And Friday night is about what we can remember from last Saturday.

GQ:  In the past, you claim to have turned an audience member gay.

AR:  Yeah, we taught him how to dance with his wrists above his ear lobes.  We taught him how to walk properly, so that he could be picked up if he needed to.  And we taught him some choice phrases to use.  Instead of saying ‘G’Day’ he would say ‘Oh my god, how are you darling, mwah, mwah’.  So you know… it wasn’t very hard.  He was very good at it by the end of it.  

GQ:  Oh ok, maybe he just needed to be dragged out of the closet then.

AR:  Yeah, I don’t think he went off to have sex with a man, but he knew how to be poofy after that.

GQ:  That’s the main thing, that’s the important part.  And, mutilating a Kylie doll?

AR:  Yeah, that wasn’t my finest moment

GQ:  That part is given a bad name choice isn’t it?

AR:  It’s um, look, someone gave me  a Kylie doll as a present, and I decided it was anatomically incorrect, so I fixed it.  The less about that the better really.  There were too many people at that gig.  I don’t even know why I brought her with me, why I had a Kylie doll in my bag.  Like it wasn’t a planned thing.

GQ:  So you were just going through your bag and realised, ohh here’s a Kylie doll and hasn’t got a moot.

AR:  No, it wasn’t that… some other part of her needed to be corrected… let’s not go into that.

GQ:  Yes, probably best to leave that to the imagination I think.  So the show’s been going for, how long now?

AR:  I don’t know, when did we go to Adelaide, that was like 2001, or 2000 or something… quite a while ago, but we’ve never done it as a show, it’s always been, you know, we’d all happen to be on the same bill or say, ‘lets do a Talking Poofy next month’.  It was always ever just a one of at comedy nights.  It’s never been a structured thing.  We’ve always had out own careers, and occasionally we’d get together and have a drink and say, ‘Lets do a Talking Poofy.  And we thought, we should do it at the Comedy Festival, for the fun of it.  Because were asked to do it a couple of times for the character comedy night they have at the Trade Halls.  So, we did one of those, and one just before Christmas, and we had so much fun we thought, why don’t we do this more often.  And now we are.  Now we know why we don’t do this more often, because I live with screamers.

GQ:  Well, I was going to say, you can’t complain being on stage, getting paid to get pissed.

AR:  There is that!  Charging people money to watch us tumble around the stage and screech at one another.

GQ:  Yeah, especially when it sounds just like a typical night in out gay household.

AR:  We like to think of it like, you know when you go to a drag show, rather than watch on stage, it’s what’s going on in the back of the room.

GQ:  Oh god, that could be dangerous.

AR:  But you know, we have multimedia demonstrations…

GQ:  You know, I was looking forward to coming to see the show, but with all the visuals that are going to happen…

AR:  We have a Twink Hunt, where…

GQ:  A what?

AR:  A Twink Hunt, where we go into the audience and find a Twink…

GQ:  I should bring my partner along then…

AR:  Yeah, go for it… and then we describe what bears are, and I may have wandered around the stage without my shirt on the other night for a little while…seriously, it’s a different show every night… there are some things that are constant from show to show, but some nights we’ll get to the end of it and think, ‘oh we didn’t do that thing, with the thing’… oh well, we’ll do it next time.

GQ:  Well, that’s probably one thing that makes a difference, well apart from the obvious.  There is another thank that makes it different to all the other shows in the festival I suppose.

AR:  Yeah, yeah, yeah, well there are spontaneous shows in the festival, and late night shows like ours, generally tend to be fairly ramshackle and rambunctious and all over the place, but we didn’t tend on having guests, but with three of us on stage, no one could get a word in.

GQ:  Actually, there’s a good question, if you could have any guest on stage, who would it be?

AR:  Well, considering they have to enter via the onstage beat, probably Tony Abbott.

GQ:  He wouldn’t feel threatened by you?

AR:  Yeah, he would, but you know, that’s his job.

GQ:  True True.

AR:  If he wants to be prime minister, he has to step into threatening situations all the time.  Yeah Tony Abbott, maybe Molly… he’s our patron saint.

GQ:  I’ll say Molly, you can’t go past that.

AR:  He’s the patron saint of homosexuals that have had too much to drink and haven’t really prepared for doing a show.

GQ:  Especially if they are a rice queen as well….  My old team leader at my old job was friends with him so I found out a bit more than I needed to.

AR:  I do love Molly, he is adorable.  He shouldn’t come to the show though, we are a little unkind to him.

GQ:  Oh god, sinning against the saint.  I can’t think of what else to ask about it, because it’s different every night.

AR:  It’s not a terribly interactive experience.  We don’t really do much with the audience.  Cos there were women the other night who said, ‘oh, you’re going to pick on us’, and I said, ‘Honey, the only people we ever approach in the audience, are people that one of us wants to sleep with, and you are really never going to interest us in that.’.  You know, every night we do make a Gaydar profile for someone in the audience, whether they are gay, straight, or whoever.

GQ:  Actually, I remember being on Gaydar a few years ago, and seeing who was online, and saw your profile.

AR:  Ah yeah, I used to be in Gaydar, but I haven’t been on there for quite some time.  I met a nice bunch of people who I am friends with now, on Gaydar.  I only think I hooked up with like two people… in the same night… um… There’s always that thing, someone could be really interesting with a keyboard, and then you meet them and it’s like ‘ohhhh you’re quite dull… your personality ends at your finger tips doesn’t it.’

GQ:  I pretty much stopped using it when I met my partner… we’ve been together nearly four years now, so…

AR:  Aww bless.  I used to have profiles all over the place.  And I had half naked publicity shots on there too.

GQ:  I think I missed them.  Either that or I erased them from my memory.

AR:  That might have just been on a certain website.  Maybe not on Gaydar.

GQ:  So some of the things that happen most nights is, you always create a Gaydar profile for someone in the audience…

AR:  Oh yeah, we try to.  One night we might not have a lot of time and not get around to it, but we endeavour to, you  know, give someone a Gaydar profile.  See if you can get a message for them.  Some nights I get my iphone out and cruise the crowd on Grinder.  Although, sometimes the people claim not to be there.  Their friends always dob them in.

GQ:  Oh you gotta love friends that do that.  Unless you are actually the person they are dobbing in.

AR:  I gave free tickets to someone who… we did a Talking Poofy night at The Glass House during the midsummer festival, and Toby wasn’t available, so Wes filled in, which was hilarious, but we found someone in the audience who was on Grindr, so I gave him some free tickets for the festival show.

GQ:  I’m just trying to think, like some of the things, I suppose, if you get to C, if you did Gay to Z, you would probably have to talk about Chihuahua’s.

AR:  no, we do talk about lesbian dogs a lot, the Alsatian and the Staffy.  But we really haven’t got around to the gays and their fluffy white dogs.  I think fluffy white dogs come under S for Shit Zu.

GQ:  Whenever you go to carnival, you always see people and their dogs.

AR:  I was on a TV show called Celebrity Dogs, because I’m mad for the dogs.

GQ:  Just before the midsummer just gone, we  actually bought a puppy and we took her along with us,  and everyone loved her.  She’s a Jack Russell X Staffy with a bit of red heeler.

AR:  Yeah, that’s a bit like mine, he’s a Jack Russell X Staffy.

GQ:  Yeah, she’s as big as our cats at the moment and she’s like five months old.  She’s so beautiful.  Her name is Chloe.

AR:  I love the pooch. I would love to bring my dog to the show, but he’s such an attention hound, we wouldn’t get any work done.  It’s all about him showing off, and wanting cuddles from everyone.

GQ:  I went to see Josh Thomas on Friday night, and at the end of the show, he brought his dog out.  He walks off stage with it, and it was like he was carrying a child.  So cute.

AR:  He’s such a homo that Josh Thomas.

GQ:  He’s so cute as well.

AR:  I love that fact that, I was worried when Josh Thomas came out of the closet, I was not sure if he was coming out a Twink or a lesbian.

GQ:  I interviewed Tom Ballard back in December, and I made a comment about, like, this is just before they admitted they were together or anything, and I made a comment about do they go to the same hairdresser, because they both have messy hair and stuff.  And as it turned out, Josh was next to him at the time.

AR:  Were they doing the interview from bed?

GQ:  Well, no, Josh was just about to go into Joy to do an interview.  But, we love our Joshy.

AR:  Aw, bless him, he’s very cute.  But he’s only 11… I’m nearly 40.  I’ve had my time with children.

GQ:  Fair enough.  I’m 29 and with a 22 year old.

AR:  Yeah, I went through that at that age.  You get over it.

GQ:  My partner is hanging shit on me because I’m almost 30.

AR:  When I was 30, I had a 19 yo boyfriend, who was constantly hanging shit on me.  He was 19 and he had nothing else to do.

GQ:  Yeah true.  My partner is always on EBay looking for new Mariah Carey stuff.

AR:  Oh, get out!

GQ:  He’s got a Mariah Carey collection worth about 100 grand.

AR:  So do I.  I’m obsessed with Mariah.  I have got Mariah on Blu-Ray.  That’s the best thing ever.

GQ: Oh no, you haven’t!

AR:  Yeah, fully, I’ve got the perfume, but you know, it stinks, it’s horrible.

GQ:  The first perfume was nice.  My partner has 10 copies of one album because they are from different countries.

AR:  I liked Mariah when she didn’t have boobs.

GQ:  We’ll finish off the interview.  Did you have anything to say to out readers?

AR:  No, just come along please.  It’s $20 for three poofters, when you can you get three homos for $20.  It’s very, very reasonable.

GQ:  Alright, cool.  Well, thank you for that, and for all the laughs.

AR:  You know, its my job, I’m a professional.

[lindafrancois]

The Top 10 Keys to Losing Weight (How Can I Be Successful in Losing Weight?)

It’s time to learn what separates those who successfully lose weight (and keep it off) with those who don’t.

Getting in shape is tough stuff, so how exactly do people achieve sustainable weight loss?

This isn’t a rhetorical question, we actually know the answer!

We help folks lose weight as part of our 1-on-1 Online Coaching Program, and today we’re going to share with you the keys to success.

How do folks lose weight successfully? Let us show you the way!

Here are The 10 Key Differences Between Weight Loss Success and Failure:

Have a Groot Mindset (Change and Growth)

Know Your “Big Why”

Don’t Go on a Diet (Adjust Your Nutrition)

Know What’s in the Food You Eat

Use Blueprints and Blocks to Create Goals

You Don’t Have to Exercise (You Get to Exercise)

Invest in Your Health like a 401(k)

Go All-in on Momentum (“Never Two in a Row”)

Know Your Kryptonite

Surround Yourself with Supporters, Not Anchors

It’s a lot to cover, so let’s jump right in!

1. Have a Groot Mindset.

Your mom was right: you are a unique snowflake.

That means there are a ton of things that affect why you’ve gained weight over the past decade(s) and why you struggle to lose it:

Genetics

Age

Gender

Stress level

Home environment

Mental health

Activity level

Nutrition

All of these things play a factor in what you look like and how healthy you are. Despite these various factors, I’ve seen a common thread in people who build healthy habits and stick with them:

A Groot Mindset.

Let’s get nerdy for a second (you’re reading Nerd Fitness after all). I assume you’re familiar with Groot, the tree-like superhero from Guardians of the Galaxy. He can grow and change his shape to suit the situation.

He also only says, “I am Groot,” but that’s less applicable here.

HOW TO BUILD A GROWTH MINDSET LIKE GROOT:

Unhealthy Person: “I have a hectic job. My parents are overweight. I am busy. I have children. I have a slow metabolism. I’m never going to be able to lose weight. This plan won’t work for me because [excuse to let myself off the hook]. I’m the fat guy/gal and that’s all there is to it.”

Habit Building Badass: “I have a hectic job. My parents are overweight. I am busy. I have children. Soooo….How can I make this work for me in my situation? I know people like me have lost weight, which is a great sign. I refuse to accept that I am a lost cause. I am Groot.”

Even if it isn’t your fault where you are, if you can accept that it’s your personal responsibility to deal with it then you’re taking a huge first step.

We all have emotional, visceral responses to what we see in the mirror or how we feel when we wake up. We need to cut through the emotion and get to the truth: we alone are responsible for our fate, and that means we alone can fix it.

Like Groot, you can change and grow.

And dance.

You’ll learn that your excuses are moot – if busier, older, fatter, poorer, and more injured people than you can get in shape, you can too.

So, decide TODAY that this year that you are “a healthy, habit-building badass” and then simply do the things that perpetually healthy nerds do.

With each meal or each decision, ask yourself “what would a healthy person do?” And then do that.

2. Know Your “Big Why”.

The road to perpetual weight loss and healthiness is fraught with peril.

Even the best-laid plans and New Years Resolutions will end up in a ditch on the side of the road unless you have a damn good reason.

After all, life gets busy and it’s Taco Tuesday and a new video game just came out and your kid is sick and you just don’t feel like exercising and it’s cold. There will ALWAYS be something.

You will never NOT be busy.

That perseverance will from a damn good answer to the question: “Why?”

Not just “Because I need to lose weight,” but 2-3 levels deeper:

WHY you want to lose weight?

What will losing weight mean for your life or happiness?

What will you be able to do thanks to that weight loss?

That’s the motivation and answer you need to be reminded of to persevere over the next few months.

If your answer is: “I’m here because my doctor/wife/husband thinks I should lose weight. I know I should exercise more and do more,” you are doomed. You will give up at the first sign of adversity.

Compare this to the raw, deep, honest answers we get from NF Coaching Clients when we ask about their “Big WHY”:

“I’m here because my dad died of a heart attack at age 45, and I don’t want my kids growing up without a father like I did.”

“I’m here because I want my husband/wife to look at me the way he/she used to, and I want us to grow old together.”

“I’m here because I just got dumped and I want to get healthy so I can start dating again. I don’t want people swiping left on my photos anymore.”

“I’m here because I want to look in the mirror and be proud of what I see. I want to stop hiding behind others in photographs.”

Why are you here? Why do you want to build healthy habits?

Is your reason for being here more important to you than cake? If it isn’t, you’re gonna give up at the first sign of adversity.

Write down your Great Big Why – and go deep, my friend. Way down. And ask yourself “Why?” to the answer of each of your questions until you get to the root of your reason for being here.

Once you write that answer down, hang it up somewhere you can see it every day: fridge, cubicle, bathroom mirror. Accept responsibility for your current situation, be compassionate that you’re in a tough spot, and then ALSO accept that you CAN change, and your identity can change with small wins that prove it.

3. don’t go on a diet. adjust Your nutrition.

Perpetually unhealthy people have a love/hate relationship with diets.

Mostly hate.

They go on diets all the time – especially in early January, and then they go off diets. And then they go on another diet. And then they find another diet that’s supposed to promise even faster, easier weight loss, so they switch to that one.

Unhealthy people get dieting wrong from the start, and this is what dooms them.

Unhealthy people go on a diet for a month or two, and they can’t wait to go back to “eating normally.”

The problem is that their “eating normally” is the reason why they’re overweight in the first place.

They go Keto for a month and have success, then fall off…then go Paleo for 6 weeks and lose 40 pounds, and then fall off…then they do a cleanse for 30 days and drop 2 pant sizes, and then fall off…

Temporary changes to one’s eating results in temporary results to one’s weight and physique.

Like an addict chasing the next high, somebody consistently has to chase the next diet because their normal eating is the problem in the first place!

And yup, dieting sucks.

Starvation, eliminating favorite foods, and trying to use willpower to avoid candy and sweets is a terrible strategy, so stop doing it.

No wonder people abandon diets as soon as they start them; they think, “If this is what it takes to be skinny, I’d rather stay fat and happy.”

This year, make a pledge to NOT go on a diet.

Instead, come to terms with this: “My concept of ‘normal eating’ is broken, which means that needs to change permanently in order for me to get healthy permanently.”

Think about that for a second.

If you “never get to be done” with your nutrition, and you can’t go back to how you were eating before, then the ONLY way permanent success happens is if you actually enjoy your new “normal.”

Stop going on diets!

No more diet pills, cleanses or crazy 30-day strategies.

Nothing you do can be temporary, or the results will be temporary.

Instead you are going to make deliberate, incremental permanent changes to your daily nutrition, slowly, over a period of many months.

Eat to line up with your goals.

If you are afraid of giving up something, don’t! Make the unhealthy foods more of a treat and less of a daily indulgence:

If giving up soda forever is scary, slowly cut back from 12 a day down to one a day.

If giving up pasta forever sounds like a life not worth living, learn about portion sizes and make it an experience (only at restaurants, for example).

The same goes for diet pills and supplements – Supplements cannot replace a good nutrition strategy.

When you think about getting healthy this year, think in terms of days and years, not weeks and months:

Know that it took years for you to get to your current physique, and it’s going to take months if not years to correct it. This means you HAVE to enjoy the journey.

Once you accept that you never get to be “done,” you can start picking small adjustments or changes that won’t scare you away from adhering to your plan.

4.know what’s in the food You eat.

Did you know that when it comes to weight loss, your nutrition choices will account for 90% of your success or failure?

In the Nerd Fitness Rebellion, we refer to this as the “you can’t outrun your fork” rule.

Seriously. 90+ PERCENT of the equation. 

Tattoo this on your forehead. Hire somebody to skywrite it above your home every day. Pay somebody to call you every morning and remind you of this fact.

Whatever it takes to get you to realize that changing your eating habits will be the fastest (and only) path to weight loss in 2020.

And it starts by educating yourself about your food.

Make a habit of knowing what’s in the food you eat! 

Whether it’s portion control, calorie counting, tracking macros, or even keeping a food journal, it’s important to have a rough idea of the total calories and nutritional breakdown of the food you consume regularly.

After all, GI Joe tells us that “Knowing is half the battle!”

The other half is lasers:

With each meal tracked, this habits adds up to knowing what needs to happen every day for you to get healthy.

Once you know how many calories you should be eating every day, you can start to make more informed decisions on foods that fill you up but are low in calories:

Spoiler alert: as we point out in our healthy eating guide, it’s healthy protein, fruits, veggies, and correct portions of healthy carbs.

Once you learn to read a nutrition label, you can start to avoid marketing hype and buzzwords and focus on the actual product!

For example, here are two different beverages:

Coca-Cola (20 oz): 240 calories, 65 g of carbs (65 g of sugar)

Naked Juice Green Machine (15 oz): 270 calories, 63 g of carbs (55 g of sugar)

Look at those two things above: one is a can of cola that you know is bad for you, the other is marketed as a “healthy beverage.”

Neither one is great for you, and the calories must be accounted for in your daily intake.

Having some fun, we decided to make this:

Don’t fall for the hype: read the label, count your calories, and break free of the Matrix!

Learn about the food you’re eating. You’re an adult, you can take 3 minutes and Google it.

Once you know the composition of your meals, you can start to make subtle adjustments or change quantities over time as you start to approach a healthier weight.

Be okay with “good enough” to start, and get more accurate as time goes on.

What’s that? You don’t know how to eat healthy? I got you, boo: “A beginner’s guide to healthy eating.”

For each food, learn the following:

Total calories

Serving size

Fat

Protein

Carbs (especially sugar if you are hooked on the stuff)

Don’t overthink this: Write down what you eat every day for a week. If your weight isn’t changing, adjust down total calories and minimize sugar consumption and see how your weight changes.

Make small adjustments over time and see how your body responds.

Speaking of goals…

5. Use Blueprints and Blocks to Create Goals.

Perpetually unhealthy people say things like “I’m going to exercise more this year!”

Goals like this are cloudy with no real markers for success.

With no beacon guiding them, perpetually unhealthy people don’t know if they’re on track, and there’s no accountability if they don’t succeed. These goals get tossed in the abandoned pile next to goals like “I’m gonna start flossing!”

Compare this to what you’re going to do in 2020:

Pick a reachable blueprint to follow: an outcome-based goal.

Place the blocks to build that blueprint: a habit-based goal.

Let’s see this in action: “I want to lose X amount of weight by X date.”

With a very specific goal and a specific timeline, we can work backwards to calculate how much weight we need to lose each week to build that blueprint: our target weight.

Once you know where you want to be a year from now – you can then just focus on what you need to do TODAY.

EXAMPLE: I want to lose 50 pounds by December 31st, 2020.

Okay, if it’s January 1st, that’s roughly one pound per week. So then, what needs to happen each day to help us reach that goal? Let’s focus there.

Focusing on the habit (“today I’m going to drink only one soda instead of 3, and have one vegetable“) allows you to not get overwhelmed at the big picture.

In Minecraft terms, once you have the blueprints for a replica of Rivendell from Lord of the Rings, all you have to focus on is placing the next block in the right place. And then repeat!

Eventually, you’ll have Rivendell:

Here’s a real-life example of this block-placing mentality:

“My goal is to reach my goal weight of 150 pounds by December 1st, 2020, so I will eat one vegetable every day, and I will strength train for 30 minutes, two days per week. On other days, I’ll go for a 10 minute walk.”

What happens when you do this: you stop worrying about the outcome, and instead JUST focus on the habit you have to do today.

It allows you to very easily answer the question: “Yes I placed the block” or “no I did not place the block.”

You either ate a vegetable today or you didn’t.

You either exercised for 30 minutes today or you didn’t.

Make sure you are picking a blueprint that you can build (it’s not TOO unrealistic), and keep things simple. A target weight loss goal of 1 pound per week is reasonable and sustainable. Remember that the focus should be on SUSTAINABLE progress – not “progress at any cost.”

Once you start reaching goals, you can create more complex plans.

Or in fantasy terms, after you finally slay the dragon, go find a bigger one!

6. You don’t HAVE to exercise, You GET to exercise.

Unhealthy people treat exercise as a miserable means to an end:

“I’ll exercise until I reach my goal weight and then I can stop this exercise stuff and go back to what I was doing before.”

Temporary changes, miserable strategy, temporary results… sound familiar?

They run on a treadmill because they think they should, but they hate it, and they never want to go back. Or they get dragged to a class with a friend and the class ruins fitness for them.

They do their best to build the habit, but they’re so unhappy and unexcited about the exercise that the habit never sticks. They only exercise until they reach a goal and then they stop. Ugh. Temporary changes = temporary results!

Look, here’s the truth: “exercise” sucks.

So you’re going to stop doing “exercise.”

I’ve heard from Nerd Fitness Clients time and time again: “I can’t believe it, but I actually look forward to exercising now. How did THAT happen?”

What’s going on here?

Because nutrition is 90% of the battle, building a habit of exercise and movement is more important than what specific type of exercise you choose.

Here are 40 ways to exercise without realizing it:

adult gymnastics

swing dancing

ultimate frisbee

martial arts

hiking (or even just walking!)

strength training.

You don’t have to exercise in a way that you hate.

Pick the kind of exercise that makes you come alive. Don’t have that form of exercise yet? Try new things!

Especially the stuff that doesn’t feel like exercise.

Nutrition is 90% of the battle, so the exercise can be something that you enjoy, that reminds you to make better food choices so your efforts don’t go to waste.

Desperate to lose weight faster? In addition to fixing your nutrition, try temptation bundling to get you to go to the gym.

Have a specific physique in mind (six pack, toned arms, a better butt, broader chest, etc.)? Build the body you want and get hooked on improvement: “I can’t wait to go to the gym and find out how much stronger I got today compared to last week.”

You are a video game character increasing your strength attribute with each training session.

7. They invest in their health like a 401(k).

When it comes down to our health, we can invest in three ways:

Time

Effort

Money

Healthy habit-building badasses know this and prioritize accordingly: they know investing in their health is the best decision they can make for the long term. So they decide what’s the correct balance of time, effort, and money to use for that investment.

Your health is an investment, just like your net worth:

If you want to devote your effort and time to building your own workouts, crafting your own meal plans, and keeping yourself accountable, that’s awesome! I did this for myself for years.

You might decide to outsource your programming to a coach, recruit an accountability partner, or buy into a program that creates your workouts and nutrition for you.

Either way, this is a months or years-long process that requires discipline! Every day you get a tiny bit better compounds upon the day before and builds you a big nest egg (read: a great physique) that will keep you wealthy (read: healthy) for decades and decades.

We’ve had thousands of people who read all the free content on Nerd Fitness for years with no results, because they never invested in themselves.

However the second they finally invested in themselves by hired a 1-on-1 coach, they took action and lost weight within months. The same is true for our self-paced course, The Nerd Fitness Academy or joined Rising Heroes (our monthly habit building adventure).

Why?

Because we VALUE what we pay for and invest in, making us more likely to actually do the damn thing. And we don’t value what we get for free or take for granted.

Unhealthy people don’t look at all of this stuff rationally – they complain about spending 99 cents on an iPhone app that could dramatically improve the quality of their life, and then gladly spend $6 on a sugary Starbucks beverage each morning without a second thought.

People email me all the time asking, “Why should I pay for a course when there is free information online?”

Welp, there has been free information online for decades – has it gotten you in shape yet? Maybe there’s a point to investing in yourself!

Many people – myself included – will gladly pay for somebody to cut through all of the noise and bad information to deliver ONLY the right information that they need to read or hear.

Your money, your time, and your effort are all limited resources: how you choose to spend each of them tells me a lot about your priorities.

Personally, I gladly pay hundreds of dollars every month for my own online fitness coach, and have done so since 2014.

Many probably think I’m crazy and that this is a waste of money (“just do your own workouts!”), but I feel that it’s the best money I spend every month, and it’s why I’ve prioritized it over other expenses.

I’m not just paying for a workout plan in an excel document.

I am paying for accountability from somebody who is checking in on me, expertise from a trained professional who can spot my weaknesses, and the knowledge that I’ll actually do the workout because I’m spending my hard-earned money on it.

And it got me the results that had eluded me for a decade.

It’s not what you say is a priority, it’s what you spend your time or money on that’s a priority.

Prioritize your money and time on the best stuff, even at the expense of other creature comforts, and you’re more likely to get in shape because you’ll actually care about it.

Answer these questions:

How much money do you spend on your health?

How much time and effort do you devote to creating your workouts or fine-tuning your nutrition?

Have you ever hired a coach or paid for an online course?

Do you buy apps or software that make your life easier, or do you try to get by with free stuff that you know you won’t actually use?

Sometimes spending money is the best investment you can make in yourself – because you KNOW that the free option is something you won’t stick with! 

Although you have a free gym in your apartment complex, pay money to join a gym near work with fitness classes, because you hate working out alone and if you know people are counting on you to show up.

Pre-pay for 20 personal trainer sessions – if you’ve already paid for it and scheduled the workouts, you’ll actually GO.

On vacation and afraid you’ll backslide on all habits? Pay $20-30 to just go to a gym for one hour on vacation. Expensive? Not when you compare it to the weeks spent after the vacation trying to get back on track.

Decide what to sacrifice. It might mean you have to skip movies out or cancel your cable to prioritize a healthy meal service or buy more cookbooks so you never get bored with cooking new healthy meals.

Start thinking about this from a different perspective:

You’re not buying a fitness course or a trainer or an overpriced salad (that you would never make for yourself anyways).

You’re not just hiring a coach that prescribes you a workout that you could have found for free on the internet.

You’re investing in your future and purchasing accountability and expertise and momentum.

If you are looking for that expert guidance, accountability, and peace of mind that you’re training the right way for your goals, schedule a free consultation with Team NF to learn about our coaching program today!

8. Go All In On Momentum.

Remember that Isaac Newton guy?

“An object at rest tends to stay at rest, and an object in motion tends to stay in motion, unless acted on by another force.”

This is called “inertia,” and nothing could be more applicable when it comes to your health.

Unhealthy people have a LOT of inertia to overcome when they are trying to build healthy habits and get in shape:

Their body is used to sitting on a couch and eating junk food, which means the habit of exercise is agonizing. They have to convince themselves to get off the couch and go out into the wilderness. Eating vegetables and healthy food sucks compared to their normal comfort food.

But they use max effort to do these things a few times, and momentum starts to shift away from unhealthy and towards healthy.

And that’s when things fall apart.

Their kid gets sick or they work late and they miss a workout. Not the end of the world, right? But then it snows the next day, and one missed workout day becomes two, which becomes a month in the blink of an eye.

And they’re back to square one.

We are going to focus instead on cultivating and protecting momentum.

Perpetual health doesn’t happen in days, or with a few decisions. It takes months (or more likely, years) of consistent effort.

And shit happens.

Travel. Vacation. Kids. Work. Life.

It’s more than just “missing a workout.” It’s killing your momentum, and momentum is crucial to long term health.

So they focus on doing whatever they can to build momentum quickly and maintain it.

Momentum is crucial to being perpetually healthy, so protect it with your life.

So, focus on momentum until their default behavior is healthy and they can go on autopilot:

Exercise 4 days per week without fail. Yes, even on vacation. Yup, even if it’s only push-ups for 5 minutes.

Go for a morning walk every single day, even when it’s snowing.

Schedule workouts for early Saturday morning with a trainer so they know they can’t drink like a fish on Friday night.

Put your workouts in your calendar. Have your friend give $50 of your money to a cause you hate every time you miss a workout.

Because momentum.

Which means you should be following my favorite rule: never miss two in a row.

Two missed workouts quickly becomes 30 in the blink of an eye. Two bad meals quickly becomes a week of pizza and Chinese food.

So “never two in a row!” – never eat two bad meals in a row, never miss a workout two days in a row.

If you miss a workout, that next day is suddenly the most important workout of your life. Do whatever you need to do to get to the gym!

If you eat a bad meal, that’s fine! Enjoy it. But that next meal is suddenly the most important meal of your life! Do whatever you need to do to eat a dang vegetable!

9. Know Your Kryptonite.

I want to share an important quote from the late, great physicist Richard Feynman:

“The first principle is that you must not fool yourself – and you are the easiest person to fool.”

Unhealthy people might be aware of their Kryptonite, but they just hope and pray they have enough willpower to overcome it every day.

They eat a single Oreo, and then spend an hour thinking about cookies until they go eat a whole sleeve of Oreo cookies and then berate themselves for not having more willpower to avoid the temptation.

The truth is that we are all flawed superheroes.

Unhealthy people try to fix their flaws through sheer willpower and then feel deep shame when they can’t stop their behavior.

Permanently healthy people recognize their Kryptonite, and have a plan to avoid or protect against it:

If they know grains make them unhappy and bloated, they follow a Paleo diet and remove those foods completely so there’s no attempt to only eat half a serving of something.

If they know they struggle with portion control, then maybe they try skipping a meal with Intermittent Fasting.

They also ask the questions that get to the heart of their Kryptonite with regards to weight gain:

Maybe they eat when they’re bored.

Maybe they eat when they’re upset.

Maybe they eat when they’re nervous.

Maybe they eat when they’re watching TV.

They KNOW these things about themselves, and they know unhealthy food has been designed to be addictive.

So they plan for it!

Know thyself, my dear friend, and know what your triggers are.

We’re all flawed; plan for your flaws instead of trying to fight them. These triggers can be environmental or situational or emotional. Know it will happen, and build a Kryptonite-proof plan so you don’t have to worry about avoiding it.

Stop relying on motivation and willpower to tackle your Kryptonite.

Add accountability, punishments, and rewards into your life to stay on track and avoid your Kryptonite:

Check in with someone everyday to make sure they ate their vegetables.

Instruct your friend to donate your $50 to a politician you hate if you miss a workout check-in.

Reward yourself with new running shoes (a reward that rewards you back with more momentum) if you complete 20 runs in a single month.

Don’t go to certain bars or make sure you eat before going to a party, because you KNOW you’ll make a bad decision once you get there.

Build your Batcave (your environment) so it’s tougher to make unhealthy decisions and easier to make healthy ones.

Don’t go out to dinner at unhealthy restaurants, and schedule early workouts on Saturdays so you won’t drink yourself silly on Friday.

You don’t need to be flawless. You don’t need a perfect plan. What you do need is to have an honest conversation with yourself about things you need to avoid while you’re trying to make healthier choices.

That might be certain restaurants, certain aisles of the supermarket, or even certain people….

10. Surround Yourself with Supporters, Not Anchors

You are the average of the 5 people you associate most with.

Are they banana peels?

Or are they Lakitus?

Banana peels need no introduction: drive over one in Mario Kart and they’ll ruin a perfectly good race by crushing all of your momentum.

Compare that to Lakitu. If you’re not familiar, he’s the little guy on the cloud in Mario Kart that picks you up when you fall off the track and puts you back on course.

Unhealthy people get spun out all the time by the banana peels in their lives:

“What do you mean you don’t want to eat my lasagna anymore? You love my cooking.”

“Everybody is coming over to play D&D and eat pizza, you can’t miss this.”

“You don’t need to lose weight. You look fine. Live a little. Come on.”

Questions and comments like these subtly influence our behavior every day. Which is how you end up looking like and acting like the 5 people you associate most with. 

Compare this to Lakitus: the people who want you to succeed, who hold you accountable and make you want to be better.

I recently asked our private men’s community from the Nerd Fitness Academy what the group meant to them.

This response jumped out at me:

You need to be surrounded by people that pick you up, not slow you down.

Healthy people know this, and they make the hard decisions about who is worthy of their time and attention.

They often fire their unhealthy friends and family – even if only temporarily – because they can’t be around negative influence as they’re trying to build momentum.

I’ve heard of tons of stories where unhealthy relationships have ended because a newly healthy individual was dating an unhealthy person who didn’t want them to be healthy and was actively sabotaging them.

Why does this happen? Because it’s often easier to drag other people down than it is to look honestly in the mirror and address one’s shortcomings or unhealthy. 

If you are trying to get healthy, minimize your time around banana peels and MAXIMIZE your time with Lakitus.

You are influenced dramatically by the people around you whether you realize it or not. How are these people influencing you?

Take exercise:

Banana Peel: You want to exercise, but your friends are mad at you for skipping a Destiny 2 or World of Warcraft raid… you’re going to skip the workout.

Lakitu: You want to exercise, and your friends are at the gym counting on you for a team workout… you’re gonna get your ass to the gym!

Food:

Banana Peel: You are out to dinner with friends and they order lasagna, chicken fingers and fries, a large pizza, and enchiladas. You’ll likely order junk food to fit in, rather than order a salad and endure their scorn.

Lakitu: You are at a healthy restaurant and all 4 people order salads before you order – I’d bet $1000 you’re going to order something healthy too.

Mental health:

Banana Peel: You have 5 friends who never talk about anything serious: how are you supposed to tell them about your depression medication or that you’re thinking about going to see a therapist?

Lakitu: You have 5 friends who are not only accepting of your flaws, but share theirs too and have advice for you.

Decide who is worthy of your attention, and work on putting yourself in situations with people who make you want to be better.

This might mean a serious conversation with your significant other that “likes you more full-figured” if your goal is to be healthier and happier.

Or diving deep into deflection strategies if you have to constantly deal with unhealthy family members you can’t fire.

If they are worth your time, they will change their tune to be more supportive and helpful and less of an anchor.

And then start spending time around people who are stronger, healthier, happier, and more successful than you. And do what they do.

Use 20 seconds of courage to strike up a conversation with someone at the gym on how to do a certain exercise, and make plans to train together the next day.

Join a running club at work, or start a running club if one doesn’t exist yet.

If you don’t have people in real life cheering them on, find an online group that pushes them to be better.

How is 2020 Going to Be Different?

Phew! Okay, let’s see how many of these you can actually check off:

I have a Groot Mindset

I know my Big Why

I don’t go on diets. I adjust my nutrition.

I know what my food is made of.

I have blueprints and blocks.

I don’t have to exercise; I GET to.

I invest in my health like a 401(k).

I go all-in on momentum.

I know my Kryptonite.

I seek out Lakitus, not banana peels.

Give yourself a score, and let me know which ones are the toughest for you to follow through on.

If you checked 6 or fewer boxes, pick ONE of the habits and work on it for the next month. Internalize it. Make it part of your new identity. And then move onto the next one.

You’re overcoming inertia and building momentum!

And NEVER underestimate momentum. Once you build it, it can be hard to stop!

We have three great ways to start the ball rolling, right here in our own community. Pick the path that best aligns with your goals:

#1) Our 1-on-1 Online Coaching Program: a coaching program for busy people to help them make better food choices, stay accountable, and get healthier, permanently.

You can schedule a free call with our team so we can get to know you and see if our coaching program is right for you. 

Our coaching program changes lives. Learn more here!

#2) The Nerd Fitness Academy – This self-paced online course has helped 50,000 people get results permanently. 

There’s a 10-level nutrition system, boss battles, 20+ workouts, and the most supportive community in the galaxy!

Join the NF Academy! One payment, lifetime access.

#3) Join The Rebellion! We have a free email newsletter that we send out twice per week, full of tips and tricks to help you get healthy, get strong, and have fun doing so. 

I’ll also send you tons of free guides that you can use to start leveling up your life too:

Download our free weight loss guide

THE NERD FITNESS DIET: 10 Levels to Change Your Life

Follow our 10-level nutrition system at your own pace

What you need to know about weight loss and healthy eating

3 Simple rules we follow every day to stay on target

Alright, now it’s your turn:

Agree with my 10 traits? Disagree?

Did I leave one off?

Leave that in the comments too!

-Steve

PS: Make sure you check out the rest of our Sustainable Weight Loss Content:

The 5 Rules of Weight Loss

Why Can’t I Lose Weight?

How to Lose Weight and Build Muscle at the Same Time

How to Start Eating Healthy (Without Giving up the Food You Love)

Which Diet is Right for Me?

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Gif source: Baby Groot, Groot, Busy Cat, Scrubs, Sesame Street, Confused Dog, Old School Driving, Sad Spider-Man

photo credit: Reiterlied Rex across the fields, Meeting Star Lord and Baby Groot, benjaminreay Big question mark, Mark Bonica Paleo Diet – Day 14, clement127 Chicken factory, post-apocalyptic research institute 3mm model, sualk61 Hamster wheel, evoo73 balance, hjl Kryptonite on Blue, Reiterlied Biking on the Lake

The Top 10 Keys to Losing Weight (How Can I Be Successful in Losing Weight?) published first on https://dietariouspage.tumblr.com/

[lindafrancois]

The Top 10 Keys to Losing Weight (How Can I Be Successful in Losing Weight?)

It’s time to learn what separates those who successfully lose weight (and keep it off) with those who don’t.

Getting in shape is tough stuff, so how exactly do people achieve sustainable weight loss?

This isn’t a rhetorical question, we actually know the answer!

We help folks lose weight as part of our 1-on-1 Online Coaching Program, and today we’re going to share with you the keys to success.

How do folks lose weight successfully? Let us show you the way!

Here are The 10 Key Differences Between Weight Loss Success and Failure:

Have a Groot Mindset (Change and Growth)

Know Your “Big Why”

Don’t Go on a Diet (Adjust Your Nutrition)

Know What’s in the Food You Eat

Use Blueprints and Blocks to Create Goals

You Don’t Have to Exercise (You Get to Exercise)

Invest in Your Health like a 401(k)

Go All-in on Momentum (“Never Two in a Row”)

Know Your Kryptonite

Surround Yourself with Supporters, Not Anchors

It’s a lot to cover, so let’s jump right in!

1. Have a Groot Mindset.

Your mom was right: you are a unique snowflake.

That means there are a ton of things that affect why you’ve gained weight over the past decade(s) and why you struggle to lose it:

Genetics

Age

Gender

Stress level

Home environment

Mental health

Activity level

Nutrition

All of these things play a factor in what you look like and how healthy you are. Despite these various factors, I’ve seen a common thread in people who build healthy habits and stick with them:

A Groot Mindset.

Let’s get nerdy for a second (you’re reading Nerd Fitness after all). I assume you’re familiar with Groot, the tree-like superhero from Guardians of the Galaxy. He can grow and change his shape to suit the situation.

He also only says, “I am Groot,” but that’s less applicable here.

HOW TO BUILD A GROWTH MINDSET LIKE GROOT:

Unhealthy Person: “I have a hectic job. My parents are overweight. I am busy. I have children. I have a slow metabolism. I’m never going to be able to lose weight. This plan won’t work for me because [excuse to let myself off the hook]. I’m the fat guy/gal and that’s all there is to it.”

Habit Building Badass: “I have a hectic job. My parents are overweight. I am busy. I have children. Soooo….How can I make this work for me in my situation? I know people like me have lost weight, which is a great sign. I refuse to accept that I am a lost cause. I am Groot.”

Even if it isn’t your fault where you are, if you can accept that it’s your personal responsibility to deal with it then you’re taking a huge first step.

We all have emotional, visceral responses to what we see in the mirror or how we feel when we wake up. We need to cut through the emotion and get to the truth: we alone are responsible for our fate, and that means we alone can fix it.

Like Groot, you can change and grow.

And dance.

You’ll learn that your excuses are moot – if busier, older, fatter, poorer, and more injured people than you can get in shape, you can too.

So, decide TODAY that this year that you are “a healthy, habit-building badass” and then simply do the things that perpetually healthy nerds do.

With each meal or each decision, ask yourself “what would a healthy person do?” And then do that.

2. Know Your “Big Why”.

The road to perpetual weight loss and healthiness is fraught with peril.

Even the best-laid plans and New Years Resolutions will end up in a ditch on the side of the road unless you have a damn good reason.

After all, life gets busy and it’s Taco Tuesday and a new video game just came out and your kid is sick and you just don’t feel like exercising and it’s cold. There will ALWAYS be something.

You will never NOT be busy.

That perseverance will from a damn good answer to the question: “Why?”

Not just “Because I need to lose weight,” but 2-3 levels deeper:

WHY you want to lose weight?

What will losing weight mean for your life or happiness?

What will you be able to do thanks to that weight loss?

That’s the motivation and answer you need to be reminded of to persevere over the next few months.

If your answer is: “I’m here because my doctor/wife/husband thinks I should lose weight. I know I should exercise more and do more,” you are doomed. You will give up at the first sign of adversity.

Compare this to the raw, deep, honest answers we get from NF Coaching Clients when we ask about their “Big WHY”:

“I’m here because my dad died of a heart attack at age 45, and I don’t want my kids growing up without a father like I did.”

“I’m here because I want my husband/wife to look at me the way he/she used to, and I want us to grow old together.”

“I’m here because I just got dumped and I want to get healthy so I can start dating again. I don’t want people swiping left on my photos anymore.”

“I’m here because I want to look in the mirror and be proud of what I see. I want to stop hiding behind others in photographs.”

Why are you here? Why do you want to build healthy habits?

Is your reason for being here more important to you than cake? If it isn’t, you’re gonna give up at the first sign of adversity.

Write down your Great Big Why – and go deep, my friend. Way down. And ask yourself “Why?” to the answer of each of your questions until you get to the root of your reason for being here.

Once you write that answer down, hang it up somewhere you can see it every day: fridge, cubicle, bathroom mirror. Accept responsibility for your current situation, be compassionate that you’re in a tough spot, and then ALSO accept that you CAN change, and your identity can change with small wins that prove it.

3. don’t go on a diet. adjust Your nutrition.

Perpetually unhealthy people have a love/hate relationship with diets.

Mostly hate.

They go on diets all the time – especially in early January, and then they go off diets. And then they go on another diet. And then they find another diet that’s supposed to promise even faster, easier weight loss, so they switch to that one.

Unhealthy people get dieting wrong from the start, and this is what dooms them.

Unhealthy people go on a diet for a month or two, and they can’t wait to go back to “eating normally.”

The problem is that their “eating normally” is the reason why they’re overweight in the first place.

They go Keto for a month and have success, then fall off…then go Paleo for 6 weeks and lose 40 pounds, and then fall off…then they do a cleanse for 30 days and drop 2 pant sizes, and then fall off…

Temporary changes to one’s eating results in temporary results to one’s weight and physique.

Like an addict chasing the next high, somebody consistently has to chase the next diet because their normal eating is the problem in the first place!

And yup, dieting sucks.

Starvation, eliminating favorite foods, and trying to use willpower to avoid candy and sweets is a terrible strategy, so stop doing it.

No wonder people abandon diets as soon as they start them; they think, “If this is what it takes to be skinny, I’d rather stay fat and happy.”

This year, make a pledge to NOT go on a diet.

Instead, come to terms with this: “My concept of ‘normal eating’ is broken, which means that needs to change permanently in order for me to get healthy permanently.”

Think about that for a second.

If you “never get to be done” with your nutrition, and you can’t go back to how you were eating before, then the ONLY way permanent success happens is if you actually enjoy your new “normal.”

Stop going on diets!

No more diet pills, cleanses or crazy 30-day strategies.

Nothing you do can be temporary, or the results will be temporary.

Instead you are going to make deliberate, incremental permanent changes to your daily nutrition, slowly, over a period of many months.

Eat to line up with your goals.

If you are afraid of giving up something, don’t! Make the unhealthy foods more of a treat and less of a daily indulgence:

If giving up soda forever is scary, slowly cut back from 12 a day down to one a day.

If giving up pasta forever sounds like a life not worth living, learn about portion sizes and make it an experience (only at restaurants, for example).

The same goes for diet pills and supplements – Supplements cannot replace a good nutrition strategy.

When you think about getting healthy this year, think in terms of days and years, not weeks and months:

Know that it took years for you to get to your current physique, and it’s going to take months if not years to correct it. This means you HAVE to enjoy the journey.

Once you accept that you never get to be “done,” you can start picking small adjustments or changes that won’t scare you away from adhering to your plan.

4.know what’s in the food You eat.

Did you know that when it comes to weight loss, your nutrition choices will account for 90% of your success or failure?

In the Nerd Fitness Rebellion, we refer to this as the “you can’t outrun your fork” rule.

Seriously. 90+ PERCENT of the equation. 

Tattoo this on your forehead. Hire somebody to skywrite it above your home every day. Pay somebody to call you every morning and remind you of this fact.

Whatever it takes to get you to realize that changing your eating habits will be the fastest (and only) path to weight loss in 2020.

And it starts by educating yourself about your food.

Make a habit of knowing what’s in the food you eat! 

Whether it’s portion control, calorie counting, tracking macros, or even keeping a food journal, it’s important to have a rough idea of the total calories and nutritional breakdown of the food you consume regularly.

After all, GI Joe tells us that “Knowing is half the battle!”

The other half is lasers:

With each meal tracked, this habits adds up to knowing what needs to happen every day for you to get healthy.

Once you know how many calories you should be eating every day, you can start to make more informed decisions on foods that fill you up but are low in calories:

Spoiler alert: as we point out in our healthy eating guide, it’s healthy protein, fruits, veggies, and correct portions of healthy carbs.

Once you learn to read a nutrition label, you can start to avoid marketing hype and buzzwords and focus on the actual product!

For example, here are two different beverages:

Coca-Cola (20 oz): 240 calories, 65 g of carbs (65 g of sugar)

Naked Juice Green Machine (15 oz): 270 calories, 63 g of carbs (55 g of sugar)

Look at those two things above: one is a can of cola that you know is bad for you, the other is marketed as a “healthy beverage.”

Neither one is great for you, and the calories must be accounted for in your daily intake.

Having some fun, we decided to make this:

Don’t fall for the hype: read the label, count your calories, and break free of the Matrix!

Learn about the food you’re eating. You’re an adult, you can take 3 minutes and Google it.

Once you know the composition of your meals, you can start to make subtle adjustments or change quantities over time as you start to approach a healthier weight.

Be okay with “good enough” to start, and get more accurate as time goes on.

What’s that? You don’t know how to eat healthy? I got you, boo: “A beginner’s guide to healthy eating.”

For each food, learn the following:

Total calories

Serving size

Fat

Protein

Carbs (especially sugar if you are hooked on the stuff)

Don’t overthink this: Write down what you eat every day for a week. If your weight isn’t changing, adjust down total calories and minimize sugar consumption and see how your weight changes.

Make small adjustments over time and see how your body responds.

Speaking of goals…

5. Use Blueprints and Blocks to Create Goals.

Perpetually unhealthy people say things like “I’m going to exercise more this year!”

Goals like this are cloudy with no real markers for success.

With no beacon guiding them, perpetually unhealthy people don’t know if they’re on track, and there’s no accountability if they don’t succeed. These goals get tossed in the abandoned pile next to goals like “I’m gonna start flossing!”

Compare this to what you’re going to do in 2020:

Pick a reachable blueprint to follow: an outcome-based goal.

Place the blocks to build that blueprint: a habit-based goal.

Let’s see this in action: “I want to lose X amount of weight by X date.”

With a very specific goal and a specific timeline, we can work backwards to calculate how much weight we need to lose each week to build that blueprint: our target weight.

Once you know where you want to be a year from now – you can then just focus on what you need to do TODAY.

EXAMPLE: I want to lose 50 pounds by December 31st, 2020.

Okay, if it’s January 1st, that’s roughly one pound per week. So then, what needs to happen each day to help us reach that goal? Let’s focus there.

Focusing on the habit (“today I’m going to drink only one soda instead of 3, and have one vegetable“) allows you to not get overwhelmed at the big picture.

In Minecraft terms, once you have the blueprints for a replica of Rivendell from Lord of the Rings, all you have to focus on is placing the next block in the right place. And then repeat!

Eventually, you’ll have Rivendell:

Here’s a real-life example of this block-placing mentality:

“My goal is to reach my goal weight of 150 pounds by December 1st, 2020, so I will eat one vegetable every day, and I will strength train for 30 minutes, two days per week. On other days, I’ll go for a 10 minute walk.”

What happens when you do this: you stop worrying about the outcome, and instead JUST focus on the habit you have to do today.

It allows you to very easily answer the question: “Yes I placed the block” or “no I did not place the block.”

You either ate a vegetable today or you didn’t.

You either exercised for 30 minutes today or you didn’t.

Make sure you are picking a blueprint that you can build (it’s not TOO unrealistic), and keep things simple. A target weight loss goal of 1 pound per week is reasonable and sustainable. Remember that the focus should be on SUSTAINABLE progress – not “progress at any cost.”

Once you start reaching goals, you can create more complex plans.

Or in fantasy terms, after you finally slay the dragon, go find a bigger one!

6. You don’t HAVE to exercise, You GET to exercise.

Unhealthy people treat exercise as a miserable means to an end:

“I’ll exercise until I reach my goal weight and then I can stop this exercise stuff and go back to what I was doing before.”

Temporary changes, miserable strategy, temporary results… sound familiar?

They run on a treadmill because they think they should, but they hate it, and they never want to go back. Or they get dragged to a class with a friend and the class ruins fitness for them.

They do their best to build the habit, but they’re so unhappy and unexcited about the exercise that the habit never sticks. They only exercise until they reach a goal and then they stop. Ugh. Temporary changes = temporary results!

Look, here’s the truth: “exercise” sucks.

So you’re going to stop doing “exercise.”

I’ve heard from Nerd Fitness Clients time and time again: “I can’t believe it, but I actually look forward to exercising now. How did THAT happen?”

What’s going on here?

Because nutrition is 90% of the battle, building a habit of exercise and movement is more important than what specific type of exercise you choose.

Here are 40 ways to exercise without realizing it:

adult gymnastics

swing dancing

ultimate frisbee

martial arts

hiking (or even just walking!)

strength training.

You don’t have to exercise in a way that you hate.

Pick the kind of exercise that makes you come alive. Don’t have that form of exercise yet? Try new things!

Especially the stuff that doesn’t feel like exercise.

Nutrition is 90% of the battle, so the exercise can be something that you enjoy, that reminds you to make better food choices so your efforts don’t go to waste.

Desperate to lose weight faster? In addition to fixing your nutrition, try temptation bundling to get you to go to the gym.

Have a specific physique in mind (six pack, toned arms, a better butt, broader chest, etc.)? Build the body you want and get hooked on improvement: “I can’t wait to go to the gym and find out how much stronger I got today compared to last week.”

You are a video game character increasing your strength attribute with each training session.

7. They invest in their health like a 401(k).

When it comes down to our health, we can invest in three ways:

Time

Effort

Money

Healthy habit-building badasses know this and prioritize accordingly: they know investing in their health is the best decision they can make for the long term. So they decide what’s the correct balance of time, effort, and money to use for that investment.

Your health is an investment, just like your net worth:

If you want to devote your effort and time to building your own workouts, crafting your own meal plans, and keeping yourself accountable, that’s awesome! I did this for myself for years.

You might decide to outsource your programming to a coach, recruit an accountability partner, or buy into a program that creates your workouts and nutrition for you.

Either way, this is a months or years-long process that requires discipline! Every day you get a tiny bit better compounds upon the day before and builds you a big nest egg (read: a great physique) that will keep you wealthy (read: healthy) for decades and decades.

We’ve had thousands of people who read all the free content on Nerd Fitness for years with no results, because they never invested in themselves.

However the second they finally invested in themselves by hired a 1-on-1 coach, they took action and lost weight within months. The same is true for our self-paced course, The Nerd Fitness Academy or joined Rising Heroes (our monthly habit building adventure).

Why?

Because we VALUE what we pay for and invest in, making us more likely to actually do the damn thing. And we don’t value what we get for free or take for granted.

Unhealthy people don’t look at all of this stuff rationally – they complain about spending 99 cents on an iPhone app that could dramatically improve the quality of their life, and then gladly spend $6 on a sugary Starbucks beverage each morning without a second thought.

People email me all the time asking, “Why should I pay for a course when there is free information online?”

Welp, there has been free information online for decades – has it gotten you in shape yet? Maybe there’s a point to investing in yourself!

Many people – myself included – will gladly pay for somebody to cut through all of the noise and bad information to deliver ONLY the right information that they need to read or hear.

Your money, your time, and your effort are all limited resources: how you choose to spend each of them tells me a lot about your priorities.

Personally, I gladly pay hundreds of dollars every month for my own online fitness coach, and have done so since 2014.

Many probably think I’m crazy and that this is a waste of money (“just do your own workouts!”), but I feel that it’s the best money I spend every month, and it’s why I’ve prioritized it over other expenses.

I’m not just paying for a workout plan in an excel document.

I am paying for accountability from somebody who is checking in on me, expertise from a trained professional who can spot my weaknesses, and the knowledge that I’ll actually do the workout because I’m spending my hard-earned money on it.

And it got me the results that had eluded me for a decade.

It’s not what you say is a priority, it’s what you spend your time or money on that’s a priority.

Prioritize your money and time on the best stuff, even at the expense of other creature comforts, and you’re more likely to get in shape because you’ll actually care about it.

Answer these questions:

How much money do you spend on your health?

How much time and effort do you devote to creating your workouts or fine-tuning your nutrition?

Have you ever hired a coach or paid for an online course?

Do you buy apps or software that make your life easier, or do you try to get by with free stuff that you know you won’t actually use?

Sometimes spending money is the best investment you can make in yourself – because you KNOW that the free option is something you won’t stick with! 

Although you have a free gym in your apartment complex, pay money to join a gym near work with fitness classes, because you hate working out alone and if you know people are counting on you to show up.

Pre-pay for 20 personal trainer sessions – if you’ve already paid for it and scheduled the workouts, you’ll actually GO.

On vacation and afraid you’ll backslide on all habits? Pay $20-30 to just go to a gym for one hour on vacation. Expensive? Not when you compare it to the weeks spent after the vacation trying to get back on track.

Decide what to sacrifice. It might mean you have to skip movies out or cancel your cable to prioritize a healthy meal service or buy more cookbooks so you never get bored with cooking new healthy meals.

Start thinking about this from a different perspective:

You’re not buying a fitness course or a trainer or an overpriced salad (that you would never make for yourself anyways).

You’re not just hiring a coach that prescribes you a workout that you could have found for free on the internet.

You’re investing in your future and purchasing accountability and expertise and momentum.

If you are looking for that expert guidance, accountability, and peace of mind that you’re training the right way for your goals, schedule a free consultation with Team NF to learn about our coaching program today!

8. Go All In On Momentum.

Remember that Isaac Newton guy?

“An object at rest tends to stay at rest, and an object in motion tends to stay in motion, unless acted on by another force.”

This is called “inertia,” and nothing could be more applicable when it comes to your health.

Unhealthy people have a LOT of inertia to overcome when they are trying to build healthy habits and get in shape:

Their body is used to sitting on a couch and eating junk food, which means the habit of exercise is agonizing. They have to convince themselves to get off the couch and go out into the wilderness. Eating vegetables and healthy food sucks compared to their normal comfort food.

But they use max effort to do these things a few times, and momentum starts to shift away from unhealthy and towards healthy.

And that’s when things fall apart.

Their kid gets sick or they work late and they miss a workout. Not the end of the world, right? But then it snows the next day, and one missed workout day becomes two, which becomes a month in the blink of an eye.

And they’re back to square one.

We are going to focus instead on cultivating and protecting momentum.

Perpetual health doesn’t happen in days, or with a few decisions. It takes months (or more likely, years) of consistent effort.

And shit happens.

Travel. Vacation. Kids. Work. Life.

It’s more than just “missing a workout.” It’s killing your momentum, and momentum is crucial to long term health.

So they focus on doing whatever they can to build momentum quickly and maintain it.

Momentum is crucial to being perpetually healthy, so protect it with your life.

So, focus on momentum until their default behavior is healthy and they can go on autopilot:

Exercise 4 days per week without fail. Yes, even on vacation. Yup, even if it’s only push-ups for 5 minutes.

Go for a morning walk every single day, even when it’s snowing.

Schedule workouts for early Saturday morning with a trainer so they know they can’t drink like a fish on Friday night.

Put your workouts in your calendar. Have your friend give $50 of your money to a cause you hate every time you miss a workout.

Because momentum.

Which means you should be following my favorite rule: never miss two in a row.

Two missed workouts quickly becomes 30 in the blink of an eye. Two bad meals quickly becomes a week of pizza and Chinese food.

So “never two in a row!” – never eat two bad meals in a row, never miss a workout two days in a row.

If you miss a workout, that next day is suddenly the most important workout of your life. Do whatever you need to do to get to the gym!

If you eat a bad meal, that’s fine! Enjoy it. But that next meal is suddenly the most important meal of your life! Do whatever you need to do to eat a dang vegetable!

9. Know Your Kryptonite.

I want to share an important quote from the late, great physicist Richard Feynman:

“The first principle is that you must not fool yourself – and you are the easiest person to fool.”

Unhealthy people might be aware of their Kryptonite, but they just hope and pray they have enough willpower to overcome it every day.

They eat a single Oreo, and then spend an hour thinking about cookies until they go eat a whole sleeve of Oreo cookies and then berate themselves for not having more willpower to avoid the temptation.

The truth is that we are all flawed superheroes.

Unhealthy people try to fix their flaws through sheer willpower and then feel deep shame when they can’t stop their behavior.

Permanently healthy people recognize their Kryptonite, and have a plan to avoid or protect against it:

If they know grains make them unhappy and bloated, they follow a Paleo diet and remove those foods completely so there’s no attempt to only eat half a serving of something.

If they know they struggle with portion control, then maybe they try skipping a meal with Intermittent Fasting.

They also ask the questions that get to the heart of their Kryptonite with regards to weight gain:

Maybe they eat when they’re bored.

Maybe they eat when they’re upset.

Maybe they eat when they’re nervous.

Maybe they eat when they’re watching TV.

They KNOW these things about themselves, and they know unhealthy food has been designed to be addictive.

So they plan for it!

Know thyself, my dear friend, and know what your triggers are.

We’re all flawed; plan for your flaws instead of trying to fight them. These triggers can be environmental or situational or emotional. Know it will happen, and build a Kryptonite-proof plan so you don’t have to worry about avoiding it.

Stop relying on motivation and willpower to tackle your Kryptonite.

Add accountability, punishments, and rewards into your life to stay on track and avoid your Kryptonite:

Check in with someone everyday to make sure they ate their vegetables.

Instruct your friend to donate your $50 to a politician you hate if you miss a workout check-in.

Reward yourself with new running shoes (a reward that rewards you back with more momentum) if you complete 20 runs in a single month.

Don’t go to certain bars or make sure you eat before going to a party, because you KNOW you’ll make a bad decision once you get there.

Build your Batcave (your environment) so it’s tougher to make unhealthy decisions and easier to make healthy ones.

Don’t go out to dinner at unhealthy restaurants, and schedule early workouts on Saturdays so you won’t drink yourself silly on Friday.

You don’t need to be flawless. You don’t need a perfect plan. What you do need is to have an honest conversation with yourself about things you need to avoid while you’re trying to make healthier choices.

That might be certain restaurants, certain aisles of the supermarket, or even certain people….

10. Surround Yourself with Supporters, Not Anchors

You are the average of the 5 people you associate most with.

Are they banana peels?

Or are they Lakitus?

Banana peels need no introduction: drive over one in Mario Kart and they’ll ruin a perfectly good race by crushing all of your momentum.

Compare that to Lakitu. If you’re not familiar, he’s the little guy on the cloud in Mario Kart that picks you up when you fall off the track and puts you back on course.

Unhealthy people get spun out all the time by the banana peels in their lives:

“What do you mean you don’t want to eat my lasagna anymore? You love my cooking.”

“Everybody is coming over to play D&D and eat pizza, you can’t miss this.”

“You don’t need to lose weight. You look fine. Live a little. Come on.”

Questions and comments like these subtly influence our behavior every day. Which is how you end up looking like and acting like the 5 people you associate most with. 

Compare this to Lakitus: the people who want you to succeed, who hold you accountable and make you want to be better.

I recently asked our private men’s community from the Nerd Fitness Academy what the group meant to them.

This response jumped out at me:

You need to be surrounded by people that pick you up, not slow you down.

Healthy people know this, and they make the hard decisions about who is worthy of their time and attention.

They often fire their unhealthy friends and family – even if only temporarily – because they can’t be around negative influence as they’re trying to build momentum.

I’ve heard of tons of stories where unhealthy relationships have ended because a newly healthy individual was dating an unhealthy person who didn’t want them to be healthy and was actively sabotaging them.

Why does this happen? Because it’s often easier to drag other people down than it is to look honestly in the mirror and address one’s shortcomings or unhealthy. 

If you are trying to get healthy, minimize your time around banana peels and MAXIMIZE your time with Lakitus.

You are influenced dramatically by the people around you whether you realize it or not. How are these people influencing you?

Take exercise:

Banana Peel: You want to exercise, but your friends are mad at you for skipping a Destiny 2 or World of Warcraft raid… you’re going to skip the workout.

Lakitu: You want to exercise, and your friends are at the gym counting on you for a team workout… you’re gonna get your ass to the gym!

Food:

Banana Peel: You are out to dinner with friends and they order lasagna, chicken fingers and fries, a large pizza, and enchiladas. You’ll likely order junk food to fit in, rather than order a salad and endure their scorn.

Lakitu: You are at a healthy restaurant and all 4 people order salads before you order – I’d bet $1000 you’re going to order something healthy too.

Mental health:

Banana Peel: You have 5 friends who never talk about anything serious: how are you supposed to tell them about your depression medication or that you’re thinking about going to see a therapist?

Lakitu: You have 5 friends who are not only accepting of your flaws, but share theirs too and have advice for you.

Decide who is worthy of your attention, and work on putting yourself in situations with people who make you want to be better.

This might mean a serious conversation with your significant other that “likes you more full-figured” if your goal is to be healthier and happier.

Or diving deep into deflection strategies if you have to constantly deal with unhealthy family members you can’t fire.

If they are worth your time, they will change their tune to be more supportive and helpful and less of an anchor.

And then start spending time around people who are stronger, healthier, happier, and more successful than you. And do what they do.

Use 20 seconds of courage to strike up a conversation with someone at the gym on how to do a certain exercise, and make plans to train together the next day.

Join a running club at work, or start a running club if one doesn’t exist yet.

If you don’t have people in real life cheering them on, find an online group that pushes them to be better.

How is 2020 Going to Be Different?

Phew! Okay, let’s see how many of these you can actually check off:

I have a Groot Mindset

I know my Big Why

I don’t go on diets. I adjust my nutrition.

I know what my food is made of.

I have blueprints and blocks.

I don’t have to exercise; I GET to.

I invest in my health like a 401(k).

I go all-in on momentum.

I know my Kryptonite.

I seek out Lakitus, not banana peels.

Give yourself a score, and let me know which ones are the toughest for you to follow through on.

If you checked 6 or fewer boxes, pick ONE of the habits and work on it for the next month. Internalize it. Make it part of your new identity. And then move onto the next one.

You’re overcoming inertia and building momentum!

And NEVER underestimate momentum. Once you build it, it can be hard to stop!

We have three great ways to start the ball rolling, right here in our own community. Pick the path that best aligns with your goals:

#1) Our 1-on-1 Online Coaching Program: a coaching program for busy people to help them make better food choices, stay accountable, and get healthier, permanently.

You can schedule a free call with our team so we can get to know you and see if our coaching program is right for you. 

Our coaching program changes lives. Learn more here!

#2) The Nerd Fitness Academy – This self-paced online course has helped 50,000 people get results permanently. 

There’s a 10-level nutrition system, boss battles, 20+ workouts, and the most supportive community in the galaxy!

Join the NF Academy! One payment, lifetime access.

#3) Join The Rebellion! We have a free email newsletter that we send out twice per week, full of tips and tricks to help you get healthy, get strong, and have fun doing so. 

I’ll also send you tons of free guides that you can use to start leveling up your life too:

Download our free weight loss guide

THE NERD FITNESS DIET: 10 Levels to Change Your Life

Follow our 10-level nutrition system at your own pace

What you need to know about weight loss and healthy eating

3 Simple rules we follow every day to stay on target

Alright, now it’s your turn:

Agree with my 10 traits? Disagree?

Did I leave one off?

Leave that in the comments too!

-Steve

PS: Make sure you check out the rest of our Sustainable Weight Loss Content:

The 5 Rules of Weight Loss

Why Can’t I Lose Weight?

How to Lose Weight and Build Muscle at the Same Time

How to Start Eating Healthy (Without Giving up the Food You Love)

Which Diet is Right for Me?

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Gif source: Baby Groot, Groot, Busy Cat, Scrubs, Sesame Street, Confused Dog, Old School Driving, Sad Spider-Man

photo credit: Reiterlied Rex across the fields, Meeting Star Lord and Baby Groot, benjaminreay Big question mark, Mark Bonica Paleo Diet – Day 14, clement127 Chicken factory, post-apocalyptic research institute 3mm model, sualk61 Hamster wheel, evoo73 balance, hjl Kryptonite on Blue, Reiterlied Biking on the Lake

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