#and that requires preforming and it’s exhausting

[leggerefiore]

Suspicions

cw: Irida pov, suspicion about reader, pregnancy implication,

Pairing: Ingo/Reader

~~~

Irida was worried about the strange man her clan had taken in. She was usually in general, as he clearly was not from Hisui in appearance or speaking manner. But, for a while, she felt he had settled in. His duties as Sneasler's Warden kept him occupied and served as an easy way to teach him about the culture of the Pearl Clan and Hisui. His improvements and developments made her happy to see. Much had he changed from the weak, confused man who fell from the portal in the sky to the strong, sturdy Warden that served her people well. The blonde would even admit she admired his pure dedication to his duties, reminding her dearly of Palina.

So, after the Warden suddenly appeared to be going through a spell of weakness and exhaustion, she grew concerned. Before, he could easily trek through the highlands with a reasonable number of breaks per whichever length he had decided to travel. Now, however, he required much more for a normal amount of walking required by his duties. He had heavier dark circles than he previously did and whined about his hip hurting occasionally. What could have happened to him? Stress? Fears? Maybe Melli of the Diamond Clan had been tormenting him too much.

Irida thought long and hard about what change had entered his life before these symptoms became common. It struck her like lightning when she caught you, the Galaxy member who sought to quell the Nobles, strolling languidly at Ingo's side in Jubilife. Your hand held his as you leaned onto his shoulder. When had you two become so close? She had recalled an intense hurt in Ingo's eyes when she informed her clan about your banishment from Team Galaxy, but she had assumed it was simply a reaction of concern from someone in a similar situation to their own. It was obvious there was something else happening between you both.

Could you…

Could you be poisoning Ingo?

She swallowed at the thought of you slipping something toxic into a seemingly lovingly made dinner that would be served to her Warden. Slowly, this would weaken him to a point where he was unable to preform even the most basic of his duties. Ingo was nothing if not a fighter, however. She admired his strength and capable nature despite your attempts on his life. The blonde needed to observe this further before she dared make such an accusation. Why would you do such a thing to Ingo, after all? You were both clearly bonding over the similarities of your situations.

Maybe you were jealous of the kindness he had received from her clan in comparison to the harsh treatment that Team Galaxy had provided to you. She pondered many reasons that you would dare to engage in such an activity. Eventually, the leader had convinced herself of your guilt after Ingo passed out while assisting Jubilife with some pokemon training exercises. Her rage fumed as she watched you sit at his bedside in the infirmary of the Galaxy Headquarters. You appeared so innocent as you laughed about something. Your fingers combed through Ingo's hair while a blush decorated his cheeks. Irida immediately asked medic if there was anything odd about his condition.

“Him… Oh, he seemed awfully exhausted. He does not seem to be getting enough sleep, specifically,” the pink-haired woman tapped her lip, “Would you be willing to give him the day off? I do believe that would be most beneficial to his health.”

She did.

Yet, he seemed worse after his break.

Enough was enough, she decided. No longer would she bear to watch this poor man weather away in front of her without intervening. A leader protects those under them, after all. Irida wanted to be a wonderful leader for her clan, so this would a perfect time to act.

Knocking on your door, she stood confidently. The light was on inside, warm candlelight pouring out through the blinds of the small home of an architecture that was unfamiliar to her. It was early in the morning, so there was no chance that you were out doing things around the village yet. A few moments passed, and she had a rare moment of losing her patience, a terrible side effect that had arisen after being around that Diamond Clan leader. A sound of someone retching inside made her fully snap. The door was opened without permission, completely expecting to see you standing above Ingo as he vomiting with a terrible smile on your face.

Instead, she saw Ingo rubbing your back as you threw up into a waste container. She stood frozen. Silver eyes gazed at her in momentary shock and confusion. You were a bit too occupied to shift your attention. “Ah… Lady Irida,” he gave an awkward acknowledgment, “I do apologise for not answering the door sooner, but as you can observe plainly, I am a bit busy.”

“… Did you poison them?” she asked in a confused stupor.

“I would never do such a thing,” Ingo seemed dearly offended by that.

“They were poisoning you!” she shook her head and remembered the plot, “You've been terribly exhausted since you begun being with them and clearly unwell.”

“… Not at all,” he shook his head, “We've been – Erm - How do I say this politely? Oh dear, the words just seem to evade me in Hisuian tongue…”

You, finally managing a respite from up-ending whatever you ate that morning, turned to Irida, “I'm vomiting for one specific reason.”

Her face turned bright red from your words. Ingo staying with you all the time… Ingo being exhausted so much… You vomiting early in the morning…

Oh.

Oh, she had never even thought to consider that.

“I'm extremely sorry to you both!” she bowed in apology and turned to march out the door, “Congratulations!”

You both were left dumbfounded, before falling in laughter.

[terrence-silver]

Terrys fav sex position? 😁

---

― One just gets the impression that right from the get-go, Terry Silver might be into anything that is super complicated, requires an exemplary (and near sadistic) amount of physical flexibility, athleticism, strength and stamina, being genuinely difficult to preform for anyone that isn't, you know, Terry himself, giving himself an almost hilariously unfair advantage and by extension, having the upper hand during any intimate encounter, which is exactly and precisely his goal anyway. Being large and in charge. He enjoys stuff straight out of the Kama Sutra's most complex positions or whatever obscure, exotic tantric sex almanac he might hold coveted. To put it bluntly, his leanings towards martial artistry, Karate, Tang Soo Do, The Way of the Fist and combat as a whole are undoubtedly very much bleeding into his sex life to where rigorous training, warm up and exercise are all reflected in how he fucks. Which means you might end up a tangled mess of limbs in a stress position, panting, in a chokehold, exhausted, beaten, taunted and sprawled out on your back fairly quickly, with every bone in your body in pain and it is only just foreplay. The main course hasn't even arrived yet, making sex with Terry Silver an occasionally daunting prospect for the uninitiated because it requires actual preparation, like running a marathon. It is hard to tell if this is sex or a sparring session. Both? Is there a difference even? Generally speaking, man likes to watch you struggle.

― Man also likes being in control. No, in fact, he loves it! It is crucial to Terry. Whether he's on top, if he's fucking you from behind, if you've his cock in your mouth, if he's holding you down and eating you out, sucking you off, pleasuring you, punishing you, edging you, having you tied up or not, if he's a power bottom coordinating you and directing you as you ride him, if this is plain, old missionary where his eyes are piercing into your soul as he doesn't blink, regardless, positions don't matter as much so long as he's lording over the authority scale. If he's the one directing things. Being master and teacher. Positions are semantics, because he's for sure tried them all a hundred times over and he is firm on trying them all over with you. Possibly invented a couple of positions yet unheard of, for all we know, much like he has a penchant for inventing fighting styles and naming them. Who is to say he doesn't do the same for poses? But, if something is thrillingly debauched, rare, interesting, unusual, slightly bizarre and maybe just as daunting, borderline taboo and downright depraved, Terry is certain to get a kick out of it and deem it his new favorite thing...for now, until he gets you two to try the next new favorite depraved thing, boiling you slowly, accustoming you to the heat of his sexual preferences and perversities like a frog being cooked in a slow burning kettle. Not before long, you'll be convinced hardcore sadomasochism is pretty standard. Your body will crave it because he'll get you used to it. Hooked on it as your new normal.

― Having you grind on his face is also pretty standard. How about him grinding on your face, practically suffocating you with his sheer size and weight compared to your own? How about desperately try to get yourself off by rubbing yourself on the sharp tip of his polished leather shoes for some extra humiliation? Fucking in shibari and suspension, with you on the receiving end, naturally, where to gets to broadcast his skill with the the ancient art of the rope? Getting bounced on his cock while you're tied up, unable to move or do anything but take it, gagged, facing his scrutinizing gaze? Worshiping his ass? Worshipping his toes? Maybe earning yourself a warning, disciplinary kick of varying strength if you don't do it right, followed by a teasing chortle? Edging and getting you off with the hilt of his sword, one of many from his coveted collection, pushed between your legs? Fucking you bent over the edge of his mansion's balcony, having you give your trust and agency over to him in the belief he's strong enough not to drop you and that it'll be exciting enough to where the danger that he technically could is a turn on. Acrobatic theatrics where he gets to show off by balancing both himself and you on only his arms. Maybe choosing to utilize his legs next when he decides to be more lenient. Go figure. Putting you in near impossible poses and training you how to preform them for his pleasure. It is equally delicious when you fail, and you'll fail many times, and it'll be a delight to watch.

― Ultimately, he has no concrete favorite pose, nor least favorite one, finding potential in all of them, because Terry's a bit of a chameleonic Jack of all Trades in general in every regard and an accomplished master of just as many. Because when he desires someone genuinely, he desires them in any capacity possible, and in every capacity possible to express his overwhelming, manic need and ownership of them to the point he might just run out of valid positions to do it in, needing to improvise, invent and design new ways to fuck in the hedonistic and somewhat perfectionistic pursuit of overcoming himself and the limits of the sexual imagination (always pushing himself one step further), refusing to be caged in by them, finally coming full circle and landing with simple, no nonsense fucking --- sensual and intense, maybe overly so --- without any shanenigans, rituals and additions; something that is perhaps the hardest to achieve and ease into for someone so hellbent on control of the mind, body and soul of everything and everyone around him and the psychological reason why Terry opted for such complicated and insane sexual acts of showmanship in the first place as a way to protect himself from the unpredictable during vulnerable moments of intimacy. If you're tied up with a million knots, unable to move unless he releases you, ass up in the air, you're fully subdued and as such, under his command and not a threat.

― So, to conclude, generally, if asked about his favorite pose directly, Terry might legitimately give a cockily, arrogantly baffling answer in the form of him enjoying the, oh, I don't even know, Triple Lotus Heaven's Gate sex position he observed in Korea once upon a time during his training there and that one needs to be a Yoga expert, put in months of preparation and open all their chakras to even consider preforming it correctly, for all we know, but I tend to see this as a deflection, deliberate gatekeeping, manipulation and a defense mechanism on his part. A mask. A skin over a skin. Him seldom giving correct or genuine information about himself, and when he does, it is always with an agenda, the agenda here being that he is safeguarding his sensibilities and pathological fear of letting his guard down and ending up somehow fucked over due to it by immediately coming up with a sex pose entirely fabricated a la the Quicksilver method and just as painful to achieve for someone who even dares trying. Truth is, one can conclude Terry Silver is actually stupendously lonely, love starved, touchstarved, starved for acknowledgment, intimacy, true human connections, praise, suppressed and repressed in any and every way, and when in love, he can at times be...unexpectedly conventional. Meaning that, who is to say that him just being inside of you in any capacity, in any position, isn't already bliss by sheer default?

[redd956]

Singing Nonhuman Whump Scenarios

I hoard Siren OCs due to how my worldbuilding layout is. I have them in all sorts of different types and demographics. I also have a lot of OCs who use enchanted or magical singing for one reason or another.

And when it comes to whump I don't discriminate (I feel like I’ve done this before, but I wanna do it again anyway)

Singing Whumper

Whumper who uses mind control by entrancing Whumpees with enchanting voice

A whumper who singing heals or numbs pain, forcing a whumpee to beg for them to use their voice after a session

Whumpee being brought overboard never to be seen again after a whumper siren saw them on the deck

Whumpee every day becomes betrayed and heartbroken by Whumper, only to forget immediately when they hear Whumper’s enchanting voice

Whumpee never thought Whumper’s inhuman voice to be an important characteristic. They never thought twice about Whumper being inhuman. Now that Whumpee just witnessed their “Caretaker” forcing Whumper to sing, they’re having second thoughts about being saved.

Hearing whumper’s voice is not only disgustingly enchanting but causes immense pain at the same time in one way or another

Whump Ideas

Prolonged singing

Whumpee being forced to sing for long periods of time no matter how exhausting or difficult the task becomes

Their throat becoming so sore that when they’re done they can barely speak, or they lose their ability to sing for a good time

Them being punished for not taking good care of their voice, despite the Whumper’s action being the cause to them losing their voice

Whumpee being punished for messing up in song or breaking their character

Whumpee eventually can no longer sing at all. Their vocal cords have become too damaged, and if they ever want it to heal it would take tremendous work

Magical Properties in singing

Whumpee’s singing serves a purpose to whumper (healing, lulls to sleep, soothing, maybe just good to hear), and because of that whumper expects the most from them

Whumper doesn’t care how tired they are, what time of day it is, or what they are currently doing. When they need whumpee’s voice they don’t have any other options.

Whumpee feels guilty for anything that happens to whumper when they fail to preform at their best, and whumper plays into that heavily

Maybe whumpee has two whumpers, and only one requires whumpee’s aid. When they fail the other whumper makes sure that they’re dealt with “properly”

Caretaker could really use whumpee’s voice, but they are far to frightened to use it. Or maybe its the opposite, and Caretaker is tired of hearing whumpee attempt to help them all the time

Other

Whumpee is of a species that has a powerful voice, however they can’t sing even to save their life

Whumper sung with magic, and so does Caretaker. However when Caretaker is attempting to help whumpee with their soothing voice, they find whumpee instead terrified and shaking in front of them

Whumpee’s voice does harm instead of good. So they were muffled in one way or another, maybe by restraint, and they haven’t even heard their own voice in forever

Caretaking Ideas

Imagine if Caretaker has the enchanting voice instead, singing a restless or frightened whumpee off to sleep

They stroke their fingers through whumpee’s hair while doing so, starting with a hum at first then allowing their magic to take its place

Imagine if Caretaker and whumpee have the enchanted voices, and they duet together, happy just to know they aren’t the only ones

Caretaker also learning to lose shame for how they originally felt about their abilities, while whumpee learns to heal

[random-dose-of-dnd-ideas]

Day 118(item)

Ring of Animacy Ring, very rare (requires Attunement by a creature not cursed by any magic item) While wearing this ring, you regain 2d8+twice your proficiency bonus in hit points at the start of each of your turns, unless you were dealt psychic or force damage since the start of your last turn. You do not make death saving throws, instead you die if you start your turn at 0 hit points and are unable to regenerate. In addition, this ring has 1 charge and regains it daily at dawn. When you die while attuned to this ring and this ring has its charge, that charge is spent and you regain 2d8+twice your proficiency bonus in hit points. Curse: when you attune to this item, you are cursed. Each long rest you complete while cursed, there is a cumulative 5% chance you are turned into a new, sentient Ring of Animacy. Your stats become as follows (although you retain your class features as long as you can make use of them in your new form):

Ring of Animacy

Tiny construct, your alignment Armor class 17(natural armor) Hit points: 28(8d4+8) Speed 20 ft. Str 1(-5) dex 17(+3) con 12(+1) mental scores remain the same as in life. Damage immunities: poison Condition immunities: blinded, charmed, deafened, exhaustion, frightened, paralyzed, petrified, poisoned Senses: your senses in life. Languages: you can understand your languages in life but cannot speak. You have Telepathy 120 ft. Regeneration: you regain 2d8+twice your proficiency bonus in hit points at the start of each of your turns, unless you were dealt psychic or force damage since the start of your last turn. You do not make death saving throws, instead you die only if you start your turn at 0 hit points and are unable to regenerate. Death Ward(1/day): if you die, you instead regain 2d8+twice your proficiency bonus in hit points. Spellcasting: you can cast Mage Hand at will. Voiceless Cast: you ignore the verbal component of spells you cast.

Actions: Spectral Hand(recharges after a short or long rest): you create a pair of spectral hands, with one of them wearing you. These spectral hands can hold one object of up to 50 pounds each. With these hands, you can make attacks, preform the somatic components of spells, and use magic items, as in life, but using a Strength score of 16(+3) and your dexterity score as a ring. As your movement while maintaining the hands, you may fly them up to 50 ft with hover. The hands cannot be in different spaces, they must stay in the same space as each other at all times. The hands themselves cannot be attacked, like spiritual weapon, but you still can be attacked while the hands are active. When the hands move while wearing you, creatures may make reactions to this movement as if you were the one moving. If you take damage while maintaining this effect, make a Constitution saving throw.(save DC is 7 or one third of the damage taken, whichever is higher) on a failure, the hands dissipate.

In this form, leveling up can still occur but your hit point maximum is unchanged. Creatures can attempt to attune to you, but only if you allow it. If you die in this form, your spirit leaves the new ring, which becomes a standard, nonsentient Ring of Animacy.  You can be cured of this curse by Greater Restoration, which transforms your body to its original form and removes the curse.

[touchstarvedphie]

That story about the woman who got the egg apron as a birthday present really broke me for some reason and I had to write something :((

Word Count - 1,001

✧.* Dolor—A Short Story ✧.*

I feel nothing but dread as the nauseating sound of my youngest daughter crying herself awake pries me from sleep, perhaps the only time I get to truly be alone, or rather, be alive for myself. Beside me, my husband doesn’t even stir, his body hasn’t programmed itself to awake to these specific sound waves, because it knows he has no need too.

Upon entering the realm of consciousness, I’m able to summon the composure I must exhibit at all times, and I refrain from letting out even the smallest show of annoyance. Pushing myself up from the bed with a heavy groan that one can only make in the depths of exhaustion, I trudge to my daughters room, rubbing the sleep from my eyes, my bare feet padding across the wooded floor.

I rarely wear shoes. There’s no need to, one only needs such attire if they plan to step on adverse ground, thereby, leaving the confines of their home—a hardship my husband protects me from.

Following the sound of the wretched cries ringing through the air, I catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror. It’s a small mirror, positioned right above the fireplace—a decorative piece. There’s no light in my eyes, perhaps since it’s night, and thus no light can be found in my home at the moment. But what catches my attention isn’t the deep lines that cover my face, a physical manifestation of my constant stress, nor the painfully dark eye bags beneath my once joyful eyes.

No, what catches my attention is that, for a moment, I see a flicker of the woman I used to be. Beneath my colorless, dry completion, I see a hint of resemblance to her. Suddenly, I’m taken back, mind flooding with images of a girl beaming, standing tall on the stage as she takes a bow, her magnificent white leotard rendering her more of an angel, an ethereal presence, than a mere human.

In the darkness of the surrounding velvety black curtains, the light catches on the surface of her glittering skin, and she not only reflects not only every beam of light gracing her body, but radiates a joy that transcends her smile, a joy the cameras never did capture that day.

The audience had held their breath unanimously, eyes trained her every movement, entranced by the otherworldly creature before them as she elegantly bowed. Cheers had erupted from the crowd, a symphony of cries that rung through the air like bells in the wind, though the sound was so intense it may have been better associated with wind chimes in a storm. Flowers, of all types, flew onto the stage, glitter and white petals rained from the ceiling. This had been arranged prior to the performance, a show of physical beauty that failed to celebrate the true magnificence of the moment. The cheers still hadn’t died down when the opulent red curtains shut, and everyone gazed, awestruck as they caught their last glimpses of the ballerina before their view was obstructed. Even still, the ballerinas presence weighed heavily in the air when the curtains closed, everyone could feel her magnificence.

Her performance has been a success, her ten minute long dance captures some of the most beautiful yet trying moves in ballet. She had glided across the stage without a single misstep, and preformed the En Pointe, a move that requires extreme training. Her form, slender and toned, had taken years of strict dieting and work to maintain, and allowed her to preform the most marvelous of feats that the human body normally isn’t capable of. Her decades of adversity had paid off, in each trying moment she had pictured this very image, one of herself gracing that envied spotlight.

The performance was truly a wonder, and as such, had captured the eye of the headmaster of a prestigious ballet school. Soon, the young ballerina received a letter in the mail, one coveted by most young ballerinas chasing this path.

She had received a full ride for her dream ballet school. The squeals of exitement that filled her home that day echoed across the word, which eagerly held its breath as everyone who knew of ballet waited for the dancer to accept and, possibly, make history in the sport.

But that news never came. Years later, when it was far to late, it was released to every news outlet that could attain the coveted information that the girl had gotten married. Her husband, as he was known as now, had shackled her with a ring.

This had confused the public—hadn’t she been intent on never marrying, or at least waiting to achieve her dreams first? It puzzled them, there was no explanation. Soon it was known she had become a mother, one to eight children in ten years.

Some questioned why she agreed to sacrafice her life for this, some questioned why the husband hadn’t chosen another woman who shared his dreams of a large family and hadn’t been set to become the next prima ballerina, a title only given to thirteen dancers since 1894. Some argued she enjoyed this life, but those people must not have seen the lifeless way she carried herself, as if she was nothing more than a robot occupying a human body for a time, one with the role of ‘mother’, which she played dutifully. The public never got their answer.

Just as quickly as the memories rose, they sunk back into the depths of my mind, shadowed by the more present worries like making breakfast in the morning. A shriek ran through the air, and I was pulled back to the task at hand.

I allowed my gaze to wander over the clutter of items above the fireplace, and they landed on that picture of a girl in her white feathered leotard on stage, a proud grin on her face. Her photo, framed by rusted metal, was now all that remained of my dreams.

[miamoo27]

Apart of me wishes I was stupid. Maybe then I wouldn’t analyze everything around me like I’m constantly writing a theisis statement. I’m gonna be 23 in two days. I’ve already been pregnant, engaged, abused and completely a wreck for myself. I don’t wanna go to work today I wanna die. I wanna cry everything out. I f

12/08/2023

I turned 23 today. I’m tired of preforming. Pretending to be talkative and happy for others. I don’t like going out some nights. I’m exhausted. My mom wants me to put a smile on her face. She makes every birthday shout herself. I feel like my feelings are never correct always getting dismissed. The thing I want to talk about are either not allowed or require too much focus to talk about. Usually one of them will make a comment they have to go. Bathroom. Get a drink. Change. “I’ve talking to u for……” ugh. It makes me want to talk to no one. When I get like this o either wanna be alone or be with a man and hide away for a while. I wish nick would let me hide with him. I’d annoy the fuck out of him. He would want to bring girls over or get pissed o was on his space. I saw him. I love fuckinf him and miss his morning hugs or kisses before he went to work. I can’t wait to leave here. Not just bc of him or my parents. I want to breathe. I feel so trapped. My moms tensions kills me. I feel like a knife is cutting me. I’ll hide and study or go in my room at day so I don’t have to pretend to put a fucking smile on my face. Sorry I’m not happy right now. I’m grateful but not this happy happy person. How the fuck could I be when I got stalked today. I drank I hated it I feel so fuogfu from pot and alochol. I feel sleepy. I want to sleep.

[nat-seal-well]

My favorite time of the day is Staying Up Too Late When Everyone Else Has Gone To Bed Until You Fall Asleep On The Couch

[ninja-knox-ur-sox-off]

Alright I’m not done thinking bout this actually. 

Macaque did the equivalent of teaching Mk how to backflip before he’d developed the muscles to jump. 

Going right to the advanced stuff is actually really bad for your body and the way you preform. We learn the basics first to build off of the principles that will keep us from injuring ourselves or stretching a muscle that wasn’t ready for it. Rushing can result in life-long injuries you never recover from. This is how it works with any sort of sport or fighting technique. You start with the basics and build up your strength until you can do the full move in a safe way without harming yourself and it takes a lot of practice and requires you to know exactly where your body is at so you don’t risk injuring yourself. Pushing yourself is never the answer unless you know how to do it safely. You never sacrifice technique for speed when weightlifting or you can really injure yourself. 

That’s how Wukong teaches. Only problem is he teaches in the “classic” mentor way of not telling the student why they’re doing a specific something over and over again. The way he teaches in principle is good. He’s building up Mk’s strength, endurance and technique, both mentally and physically before he teaches him the same things but with an actual weapon and flips and adding big huge destruction. It’s getting him to know his own strength before he gets to know the strength of the staff and the powers that he has and building him so he’ll be able to handle said power. 

And as I mentioned in a previous post, he certainly isn’t in a rush to teach Mk which can come off as lazy or like he’s not paying attention, but in reality, he just knows it’s going to take a while. He spent a long time mastering a lot of his stuff. Doing it the right way isn’t going to be the fast way, and he wants to do this the right way without risking the powers he gave him hurting Mk.

Combat training builds you up from where you are. The same punches over and over and over again seem boring and useless and annoying, but it builds up the muscles you need to punch hard and fast in different ways without hurting yourself. If you punch too hard before you’ve built up strength and the right technique can result in you breaking your wrist, hand or your fingers, or even shredding up and breaking the skin of your knuckles. (that’s why we wear hand wraps, for support and protection.) Mk has all that power, but none of that actual physical strength that he needs in order to use it without hurting himself after he gives up his invincibility, and that’s when SWK really steps into teach him, because now that that is gone, he knows Mk’s gonna need to really know this stuff to stay safe. 

Mk, like a lot of students, doesn’t see the point in this and it’s really exhausting to do the same thing over and over again. To watch the cool flips and epic wall destroying and be told you can’t do that yet. Like, honestly why does it have to take so long? It’s disheartening and frustrating and that’s where he’s at when Macaque steps in. 

I’ll teach you what you WANT to know. Baiting them with what they want is how you get to people. Macaque essentially teaches Mk how to punch with the all the power to break a wall, to make it hurt, but not to keep his thumb outside of the curled fist to prevent it from being broken. He tells him, push yourself as hard as you can and use as much power as you can and that is how you fight. Your first strike should be your last. Which is actually a good motto, ending a fight fast is what you want, just not in the way he’s going about it. (the more truth your lie is the more convincing it can be.) You can’t win a fight every time by hurting yourself. That builds up and isn’t sustainable in the long run. 

So Mk’s doing backflips and smashing things, power channeling through him that his body isn’t ready for. Honestly, it’s possible that if it weren’t for the seal that Macaque had slapped onto him taking his energy and charging itself up, Mk might have been seriously hurt due to an overload of celestial power in his mortal body. 

Macaque’s a manipulator. And a pretty decently skilled one at that. Could be one of the best if he wasn’t so incapable of looking outside his own personal biases. The way he teaches Mk makes exactly what he wants to happen… happen. Honestly thinking about my teaching techniques post, i don’t even know if we can really call this Macaque’s way of teaching because it was all a manipulation to bring about a certain outcome. Drive a wedge between Mk and Wukong to keep the mentor from realizing whats going on, and to keep the student from getting better advice from the mentor. And use that wedge to get Mk to do what he wants. To rely on him and listen to him so he can get that power he’s trying to steal. 

I don’t think Macaque really cares about Mk one way or another at first (at least not as much as he cares about trying to fight Wukong, so not enough to get him to really notice things about Mk aside from “he’s Wukong’s student”,) but he does, I think, get more invested and interested in him when he realizes how much Wukong actually cares about his student, because what better way to get back at Wukong than to take something he cares about from him and make it his? 

I do think it’s interesting however that before realizing how much Wukong cared about him, he didn’t really have the intention to kill Mk. His plan seemed to be just to snatch the powers and then go fight and try to kill (literally impossible to) Wukong. He could have, probably, easily killed Mk when he took his powers. Mk might have Monkey King’s powers but he does not have his immortality. Macaque gloats and has a lot of fun destroying Mk’s self-confidence and digging his claws into his insecurities, but he doesn’t seem to actually have the intention to hurt him ooutside of words until after Wukong doesn’t fully fight him. And even then, as he says, “it’s nothing personal,” he just wants Wukong to fight him and if the thing stopping him is gone than he would fight him. 

Macaque really doesn’t seem to care for anyone in any sort of way outside of how they can serve him to get to Wukong. He’s so obsessed with Monkey King to the point where it actually makes him stupid, because he’s so used to assuming and analyzing things about Sun Wukong it’s like he’s forgotten how to do it with anyone else. In shadowplay he was WAAAYYY off the mark when trying to analyze Mk. To the point where Mk almost isn’t phased by his attempted manipulation because he can see the self-projection loud and clear and knows it’s not him. The moment Macaque is trying to actually have a (personal??) connection, he fails almost completely at it because he probably hasn’t allowed himself to even really stop and chill for a second since setting out on his quest for revenge against Wukong. 

I keep like, going off on tangents in my own analysis posts bGKL;MAEFOEAW so I’ll stop here for now. Just staring right at Macaque wondering what the heck his plan is outside of “kill Wukong” or if he even has one, or even knows how to have one that doesn’t involve the other monkey. For someone who seems to want him gone so bad, he sure doesn’t seem to be able to be a person without him defining part of him. 

“Aren’t’ you sick of living in my shadow?” 

In shadows seems to be the only place Macaque knows where to be.

[thenovelartist]

what tot boys would do if someone made their s/o cry? haha i feel like all of use could use a pick me up right now :( thank you and i hope you’re doing well in life just like how you make us so happy with your fics

Aww, thank you! Life is up and down, especially navigating it with a new dog. But generally, I'm doing well :)

Anyway, onto the headcanons. (These were really fun to write, BTW XD)

Luke

He was no stranger to her tears, having grown up with her.

Still hated when she cried.

And when she came to him, already in tears, the only thing he could do was run to her and hold her tight.

It would take a little coaxing to get her to confess what was wrong, because now adays, she didn’t cry unless it had really hit her hard.

And when she confesses that she’s gotten tired of being harassed by some stalkers connected to a case she took on, Luke sees red.

Protective mode activated.

You would think he would then offer to personally escort her to work and back. But no. Instead, he follows her in the shadows in hopes that he’ll be able to get closer to the person actually harassing her.

And when he does. Well…

When asked, Luke will merely say that she won’t be bothered by her stalkers any longer.

And he hopes she doesn’t find out about the pair of idiots cowering in the corner of their new jail cell with some dislocated joints.

(And he’ll call in a favor to Artem to handle that case so MC really doesn’t find out.)

Vyn

Vyn is no stranger to tears, and he’s quite used to handing out tissues.

But MC has always been different.

He’ll hold her tightly, rubbing her back in a soothing motion while letting her cry it out.

Once she’s calmed, he’ll sit her down and have her explain what happened.

The light leaves his eyes when she confesses that a lawyer, who was also studying for his advancement exam and part of her study class, had been belittling her. And how she knew she shouldn’t take it personally, but after months, she was so weary of the verbal abuse.

Firstly, Vyn was pissed that it had been going on for months and she’d never said anything. So they have a discussion that’s a little more of a friendly lecture from Vyn telling her that he’s always happy to listen to her problems.

Once that’s out of the way, Vyn forms a plan.

He uses his connections to stick his nose where it doesn’t belong and ends up preforming the psychiatric exam that the aforementioned lawyer was required to take before a big criminal case.

And Vyn proceeds to wipe the floor with him. Both by brandishing his sharp tongue to knock the man down a few pegs and by hanging some of the man’s dirty laundry out to dry.

No one makes his precious MC cry and gets away with it, after all.

Artem

Firstly, Artem would be freaking stunned to see her cry in the first place.

He’d seen her angry and upset before, but never had he seen her cry.

And it had been after an exhausting case she’d lost quite unfairly.

However, they did have enough evidence that the verdict had been comprised and therefore should qualify for a retrial.

But still…

Awkward as he was, he took her in his arms in a hug, soothing her and reassuring her that she did everything she could.

He’d stay by her side as long as she wanted him to be there.

However, when it came to the case? He wouldn’t let her touch it again. That was under his jurisdiction now.

The excuse he gave was she had been emotionally compromised by the case itself and therefore he, as her superior, would take it over so they could present an unbiased front in this retrial.

But really, that was just his fancy roundabout way of taking over so he could have the honor of utterly destroying the lawyer who dare hurt his precious subordinate (and love of his life.)

Marius

When MC starts crying, he panics.

He’ll hold her and start reassuring her, all while he’s freaking out and wondering if he’s actually doing this right and wondering why she’s crying in the first place.

Once the tears stop, Marius is able to breathe a sigh of relief. Only then does he have the good sense to ask her what was wrong.

She’ll confess that she had been fired from a job writing a contract for a company because the boss was trying to hit on her.

And once those words sink in, Marius demanded to know what company it was.

Turns out, he was scheduled to have a meeting with the guy in question tomorrow.

Oh, Marius was going to make the man rue the day he messed with Miss Attorney.

First things first, he’s going to chat the guy up, make him comfortable. And then slowly begin making hints of details he shouldn’t know about. Like how unprofessional it is to flirt in the work place or how people could sue due to being fired over things like sexual harassment.

And just as Marius begins to watch the guy sweat bullets, that’s when MC arrives.

“Oh, have you met my lawyer. She’s truly incredible. Very accomplished for someone so young. And completely professional. Have you met her? She’s very renowned.”

Yeah, there was no work agreement that was going to happen that day, or ever, but Marius can’t say it was wholly unproductive.

After all, watching the guy who made his Rosa cry nearly piss his pants like a two-year-old was great fun.

[ynscrazylife]

I know I just asked for a request but I rly like your writing, and the fluff is so adorable. Can you do a Steve and/or Bucky x reader, where they get in a argument and one of them raises their arm and the reader flinches and they get all concerned and fluffy.

Thank you so much!

In Their Arms

Summary: Bucky and Y/N get into an argument and Bucky raises his hand to run it through his hair but Y/N flinches. Fluff follows.

TW: IMPLICATION OF PAST PHYSICAL ABUSE DONE BY EX

Permanent Taglist: @natasharomanoffismywife @stephanieromanoff @paulawand @blackbat2020

MCU Taglist: @mxxnmocha @procrastinatingsapphictrash @okkulta @sarahp-stan @summerlovingbaby @ineffablebean @prettysbliss

Request to be on a Taglist (or multiple) HERE!

MCU Masterlist | Main Masterlist

It was a stupid argument, really.

The other day Y/N hadn’t slept well but still went on a mission and had ended up passing out from exhaustion, causing the team to have to postpone their mission. The second Y/N was cleared by medical and Bucky and Steve weren’t worried for wellbeing anymore, Bucky started an argument and Steve sat on the couch, watching his boyfriend and his girlfriend, rubbing his face.

“It was careless, Y/N! Why the hell did you go on the mission if you hadn’t slept well?” 

“I didn’t know I was going to pass out!” 

“Well you were obviously tired, why risk it?!” 

“The team required everyone in case you forgot! I thought I could do it!” 

“Well you thought wrong!”

“Yeah, because I guess I can’t be human and make mistakes!” 

“Mistakes shouldn’t cost us the mission!” 

“It would’ve cost us the mission either way!” 

“So why didn’t you sleep well?” 

“Oh I’m sorry, it’s not like I can control when my body falls asleep. Do you really have to yell at me about this now, Bucky?” 

“You're the one who’s yelling!” 

“You’re both yelling-” Steve tried to cut in.

“Did you ever consider the fact that there could be a reason why I wasn’t sleeping or do you just want to blame me?” 

Silence fell. Steve was glancing back-and-forth between the two of them like he was watching a ping-pong match. Bucky’s lips formed into a line while Y/N’s parted as she huffed. Her face was all scrunched up together, eyebrows furrowed, and her eyes glowing as she stared at the Winter Soldier. He stared back, chin titled into the air, lines on his face, but his gaze without any sort of glow or fuze lit - it was stormy, but a bit calmer, and it was almost more powerful. 

Steve couldn’t tell what either of them were thinking - but he could see how they fet. Y/N was in anguish, torn and angry with sadness causing waves, sweeping through it. Bucky, however, was curious, calculating as he processed her words and tried to dissect them, as if he was mentally preforming surgery. 

After a couple tense moments, Bucky averted his gaze to the floor and everyone relaxed at the same time. Bucky bit his lip with the faintest of sighs and raised his hand to run it through his hair, when a sharp gasp broke out. 

Steve and Bucky instantly snapped their heads up, because the tiny break of the silence was quite loud, since it had an edge to it. For a split second, both soldiers saw her eyes widen with fear dancing in her orbs, as she took a step back. As quickly that had happened, it was also immediately covered. Y/N shook her head, looking away and coughing to divert the attention. 

It didn’t work, because Steve and Bucky continued to stare at her, jaws open, eyes wide, eyebrows knitted together, absorbing what had just happened. 

“Y/N-” Bucky started to say, surprising himself with how firm his words were, as he felt like his insides were jelly. 

“It’s nothing,” Y/N immediately snapped, dismissing it with a wave of her hand. 

“Y/N, you flinched. I saw you,” Steve said, clearly not letting it go as he sat forward. Y/N couldn’t bare the intensity of their stares burning through her. 

“It’s just my ex-boyfriend. Sometimes he’d-” Y/N began to say, but she stopped herself. The words left unsaid felt heavy in her brain and would feel like bricks clogging up her stomach if she had said them. 

Bucky immediately walked over and wrapped his arms around her from behind her. Y/N leaned into his embrace and rested her head on his shoulder when Steve came into her vision, standing in front of her and putting one hand on Bucky’s shoulder and the other cupping Y/N’s cheek. 

No one said anything. They just stood in comforting silence with each other. Steve and Bucky didn’t pressure Y/N into speaking about it - she would if she wanted to. After a couple minutes, Bucky said: “What made you tired?” 

Y/N sighed. “Nightmares,” was the only word she uttered in a mutter. 

The men nodded. “Do you wanna go rest and cuddle?” Steve asked. 

Y/N thought for a moment and smiled, nodding, making her boyfriends chuckle. Bucky lifted her up and gathered her in his arms, carrying her to their bedroom as Steve followed. 

The three got under the blankets, Y/N in-between the soldiers. They both wrapped their arms around her, holding her. Y/N leaned her head on Bucky’s shoulder while Steve played with her hair to soothe her. 

“Wanna hear a story?” Steve asked, and Y/N nodded. 

As he started to tell some random story, Y/N’s eyelids began to feel heavy and gradually she closed them. At the halfway point of the story, Bucky got Steve’s attention and nodded to Y/N. Both smiled when they saw her asleep.

[wolfanitas-art]

We have a saying here that can be translated as ‚let it rain brain‘. True, but I think what it should really be raining is empathy.

I met people who were what one would call ‚plain stupid’, but they didn’t cause real harm for they were still nice people, stupid, but not filled to the brim with egoism and hatred. And you can be super smart and super educated, if all you care about is yourself, and all you feel is hatred (or nothing, in fact), you can wreak real havoc.

I guess hatred is kind of the opposite of empathy; you can shout, instead of listening, pass your own hurt onto them instead of feeling their pain, you are always the victim, always on the right side and never need to question yourself. You puke onto others instead of holding the hair of a puking person.

Empathy is beautiful, but tough. It’s exhausting, complex, sometimes very painful. It requires a lot of strength and courage in this world, a lot of endurance. Hatred is ugly, but easy and quick. No reflection wanted. Even the weakest cowards can preform it easily. I guess that’s why it’s so popular. Every monkey can throw shit, not even realising they‘re dirtying their own hands, too. Feeling other people‘s pain, having to doubt themselves and take responsibility for their actions would totally break those shit-throwers.

So - can we have that empathy rain now? Like, immediately?

(Been ranting again - but it needed to get out. Sorry to those who just came for pretty pictures)

[b00ket]

Fanon Magic System

The magic system in the game is... soft. Elements are completely untouched but with a little handiwork and some interpretation it could be good. This is my attempt to flesh it out a bit!

Everyone is born with magic in them. Two variables influencing magic use is

If you were born with the ability to tap into that magic. Some people just can’t access their magic directly (in the way Asra uses it).

What your limit is. People with low magic caps can’t use powerful spells or cast spells for long without risking exhaustion or death.

These variables are genetic. Certain items can help you overcome these but they’re rare.

1st: Herbal Magic

Magic from herbs. Plants mixed together, especially with magical ingredients, hold magical value. (Ex. The soup that is given to Volta)

Herbal magic can come in the form of raw plants, soup, even creams.

Powerful. They did negate a symptom of Volta’s deal after all.

Magic can fade from brews unless preserving ingredients are mixed in, though it affects the magic potency.

Anyone can do it. All it requires is a knowledge of how to make them and access to ingredients.

Not much room for error. A wrong measurement or ingredient lands you a completely different spell.

2nd: Magical Charms

Muriel uses these and are pretty fleshed out in the story.

Hand-made objects can be imbued with magic.

The object doesn’t need to be made by a magical person. But only people with access to their raw magic can give it effect.

Magic fades with time and can only be renewed by the original caster.

Making the object with a magic material simply means you need to renew the magic less often.

3rd: Raw Magic

This is the magic Asra uses. The most vague and hardest to give structure this game is impossible. Open to ideas with this one.

Whether you can preform this magic is genetic. Other charms can grant temporary access.

The power of spells is based on how much magic you have in you to spend on spells.

Emotion and Imagination based. Imagine the feeling of water and water will appear. Those that aren’t as in tune with their feelings can use verbal spells to cast these spells.

Using magic faster than it can replenish itself can cause fatigue and even death.

Even people without access to their magic can transfer their magic to another person through physical contact.

Im sure there are more details that could be added or story details I’ve forgotten. If you do know about them or have your own head canons about how the magic in this fuckin game works please tell me. 😏👈🏽

[aliveahahafuck]

I have an updated for the remaining dumbass rogue, Journey :D

So it's been a few months

I don't think I said it at the time, but my DM agreed to let me use Journey as my backup character for Zani, we just had to figure out his situation, which I've been lovingly referring to as his clusterfuck.

And after several months of bugging him (DM), getting super busy, and thinking about him (Journey), yesterday we finally had the time to sit down and figure out his clusterfuck.

It took us 5 hours but its done

And as of rn, I have a character who's skill set is literally just yes. Bard/Rogue for the win lmao

Anyway onto what happened:

Journey and Delight escaped the town and ran south, once they got a distance away Delight split off, his fate unknown.

Journey spent two days travelling south/south-west to where he knew the nearest town, and his best bet of making money to replace at least some of his supplies and weapons, was

He got to the town and checked the job board in the town and nothing. The only jobs posted were jobs he'd want weapons to do.

So I thought about it and decided fuck it and went into one of the nearby taverns looking to see if there was any instruments inside

I lucked out and there was, so I asked the owner if I could use his worn junky old lute to play a few songs, saying that mine got broken in my travels. He looked apprehensive but agreed to let me use it, and because the dice gods were kind, and my preformance+lute modifier was a +9, I did well enough to get a free room for the evening.

I spent 3 weeks performing in that tavern with the old lute, causing a lot of traffic to the tavern and becoming friends with the owner, preforming daily for a room, food, and tips

It was after one performance that I was approached by this pompous "you should know my name" type person, who gave me an offer to join his performing group. I told him he'd get his answer by tomorrow.

That night I told the owner my intentions, thanking him for giving the dirty, exhausted looking teifling, a stranger with no coin to his name, a chance that first day. The next day there was a package outside my room with a card from the owner saying "Good luck". (I kept the card)

Inside the package was a new lute.

I joined the group as they headed north, the dice gods were kind and I was able to start making money with them the day after I joined because NAT 20 BABY >:D

Worked with them for a few weeks, rolling stupidly good each time, until we got to the week where I was told that it was gonna be a decision between myself and one other person for who gets the bigger part that just opened up, and I rolled a nat 1.

3 week setback as the person who I was competing with for the part decided to sabotage me, injuring my ankle, that I did check if it was the same one that he already had a limp and it wasn't, to the point that I was basically bedridden for that time. I didn't get the part and my competition was sent packing for what he did.

What I did get was an offer for a bigger part that required less dancing but still needed to be able to play music. I had 43 weeks to learn the part and needed to do 40 weeks worth of work.

33 weeks in and I get all the work done with about 9 weeks left over to preform with the troupe. I also got the actor feat and leveled to lvl9.

So now when Journey joins the party, they're going to be meeting this relatively well known and extremely talented preformer

And I am beyond amused at his skill set now because its literally just yes. 12 proficiencies, 5 of which are expertise, and half proficiency, so +2, to the rest

And he's a healer, the party's gonna love it lmao

[solaris-winery]

i've had more thoughts about yuno's mana. in the dungeon his power wasn't enough to beat mars, in the royal capital he thinks about how the witch catherine has big mana reserves and then when he properly sees sylph he also sees the flow of mana. catherine notes that he's gathering mana before she's blasted away by sylph's breath. very soon after that he sends a goodbye message to asta but it accidentally has more power than expected (does having a spirit cause an automatic mana boost?)

the next time yuno shows up his attacks are definitely stronger and he's using bell too. mimosa realized in retrospect that when yuno made his spell inside alecdora's that he was using mana zone. and in the tournament when yuno reveals spirit dive he explains that he "discover(ed) a technique that lets me hold vast amounts of controlled mana inside myself", so that impressive showing of mana at that moment may have been what he had stored for the tournament rather than his own mana right?

after that when raiding the midnight sun hideout yuno is using mana zone to multiply and likely strengthen his attacks (we're not counting the elf boost he gets later). sister theresa said that by controlling the mana in the environment that even the old can keep fighting. and it seems that yuno has been controlling the mana around him since as far back as his fight with catherine. maybe yuno doesn't naturally have the mana of clover royals after all, he just has such good control and instincts that he started using mana zone before he even knew what mana zone was and has been supplementing his spells with environmental mana + the wind spirit to the point that he can match with clover royals?

how much of yuno's power since after the catherine fight is his own and how much is actually mana zone, storing, and the wind spirit??

You. I like you. I think this firmly places you as my favourite mutual (after my s/o of course, but that's a little too biased and not at all a competition). A general note before I start answering this, but I just woke up so my answer likely won't be as comprehensive or as coherent as I'd like it to be — I wanted to get to this as soon as possible because 1) exciting, 2) knowing me if I don't answer this as soon as I see it I'll probably forget about it, and it'll be left in my inbox to collect dust.

First I'll answer your mana boost question, but yes as far as we've seen in canon through Fuegoleon, Fana and Yuno, (though Fana is hard to categorise, what with her elf-to-not-elf development and how that on its own would've impacted her mana) acquiring a spirit does give the user a 'mana boost', as more clearly illustrated with Fuegoleon when you compare him pre & post - Salamander.

The way I see mana functioning in the Black Clover universe, aided loosely by Kirsch's explanation and various canon events, is that your body as a 'vessel' functions as sort of a sink that mana settles into — recovering your mana, as Finral does in Nean, requires waiting, and I think in this context what you're waiting for is the surrounding mana to enter and relinquish what was lost (also mana is energy, according to newton's law of energy conservation energy can neither be created nor destroyed, only transformed. So mana exhausted during fights 'converts' to neutral and simply returns to nature / the universe, then gains an attribute again as it enters a mage's body — transforming from neutral to elemental or irregular mana etc etc etc. I get that applying our own laws of physics to Black Clover is a stretch, but hey, I'll take what I can get). As per Kirsch's explanation you can't store more than your already fixed predetermined capacity, and while I take this with the whole salt shaker swallowed down, I don't think anyone in Black Clover has quite figured out a way to increase mana, but you can certainly increase mana reserves as shown by the spirit guardians of Heart.

However, with Yuno, your proposed theory is entirely plausible, if not probable. Yuno gets Sylph early on, and what does Sylph do in the Captain's meeting post William's abduction? Stores mana.

It's likely that the mana Yuno uses in the Royal Knights' Selection Exam was stored.

That said, I wouldn't write it off as Yuno not having already had Cloverite royal-level mana, especially since canon makes it a point throughout to emphasise Yuno being "God's favourite". It's just that in this case, pre-Sylph, he'd have had Solid or Leopold level mana (which is already a lot ) rather than Noelle or Fuegoleon level mana. The thing is that with Yuno it's a bit hard to determine, as before gaining Sylph we don't seem to have much chance seeing him grow into his own mana or use it much to know just how much he'd had before his 'boost'. Although, from what we see of him during the dungeon arc, I'd say it's definitely on par with a royal's.

In addition to that, from what we see from Heart's spirit guardians, and Gaja's comment towards Magna, learning to absorb mana from your surroundings while makes you stronger doesn't necessarily make you that much stronger than you already were.

(This could be negated by your spirit dive comment, because what the fuck Yuno, and is Yuno more of an expert at Heart techniques than the spirit guardians? Wow Yuno you gotta teach them; Sol discovers another gripe with canon),

Yuno's use of magic though, I believe, narratively was meant to allude to the fact that there were other ways to use mana and preform magic than we are led to believe by Clover's norms of magic, and subsequently to Heart and the techniques that are disclosed there so it doesn't seem too out of left field.

Now, Mana Zone. Mana zone is part of a mage's own power. You mention Yuno using that, perhaps as far back as his fight with Catherine. From what we've seen in regards to canon about Mana Zone, and who uses it, it 1) requires incredible control (which can be achieved by about anybody with the right amount of training), 2) incredible levels of mana (which cannot be achieved by about anybody with the right amount of training). And this, as you've pointed out, is something that as far as we know / led to believe is something Yuno learns before finding out a way to store vast amounts of mana inside himself for spirit dive.

This firmly tells us that yes, Yuno's mana levels are on par with Cloverite royalty, just not as high as we're initially led to believe;

It's just that in this case, pre-Sylph, he'd have had Solid or Leopold level mana (which is already a lot ) rather than Noelle or Fuegoleon level mana.

The rest is, likely, his incredible control and mana sense.

What didn't make it into this: The wiki states that those with wind-based abilities are particularly sensitive to mana, and have a natural affinity towards mana sensory — my elaboration would have been that after being stripped of his senses, what happened only seemed to be a natural progression of Yuno's arc and powers.

[enchanted-arms]

I feel like on the basis of being ND, we (system) constantly feel exhausted due to the fact we cannot afford ourselves to relax like how NT's can. Social cues do not come easily. "Common sense" does not come easily. None of the things that are usually required for safety within society are things that we can just preform- there's a dance to it. We have to meticulously analyze, prepare, and execute things as we've absorbed them. We are tired 24/7 because we are working ourselves 24/7 just to be able to fit in and avoid social ostracism.

[searchingforbucky]

So samingtonwilson brought up a good point, you aren’t doing enough to help the BLM cause. You’re sitting there behind your screen basking in your privilege and I can tell you’re not anti racist. You’re so quiet on that yet you changed your side blog for pride? Racist.

I usually wouldn’t address something like this, I don’t even know how to adress this. But I need to in case anyone else has these feelings. I’m so sorry if you feel that way. That wasn’t my intention. When all of this started, I went to the Black people in my life and asked, as a white person, how can I make sure that I am amplifying their voice while also fighting for their cause, as I never want to make it seem that I am trying to speak over Black people who are leading these movements. We had a long conversation about how preformative activism is something that’s so easy to do, but it’s pointless in the long run. What are words without actions, nothing. We realized that I had a voice in my community, in the position I hold. So we made a plan, of things that I can do to help the fight for justice, and equity.

I’ve been speaking with campus police, campus administrators, and the BSU in order to bring a lot of changes. We are pushing for the divestment of funding from the campus PD, while also pushing for mandatory PEACE training, Diversity training/education, police brutality education, MHFA/QPR training, and mandatory registration of offending officers. We are also working with Basic Needs Cenyers I’m order to provide Black only resources, so they have an area in which they can come together as a community and feel safe and loved. I have also been having conversations with the people in my life who don’t have the same viewpoints as a lot of us do. Speaking about why they feel this way, educating them on the history and statistics of racism and police brutality. I’ve also signed donated and supported most petitions and causes ive seen. No I’ve not been posting about this, because I feel like it’s not appropriate for me to. I see it as performative activism if I do. Because why do I need to prove that I’m doing something that everyone should be doing? It’s bare minimum to fight for people’s right to exist without feeling targeted for their skin color. I’m doing what I can with the platform that I have not to prove that I’m anti-racist, but to do my part on this fight.

But also no I haven’t been sharing much on here. And maybe that’s not the way to go about it. But I wanted a place I’m which I could come and take a break for my mental health. That doesn’t mean that I don’t support it, or that I’m not consuming others media. It means that I’m focusing my energy on things that I can do to make a large difference, rather than posting on social media to people who have the same exact viewpoints as I do. My following is not as big as many believe it to be. But I know that this is something that is emotionally exhausting, as I know it is for everyone else. It’s requiring so much energy that I don’t want to burn out. Yes, I know I have the privilege but of being able to do this. And I am aware of that privilege. But I cannot help how overwhelmed I get. If this is offensive or inherently racist then please tell me. I am learning how my actions are implicitly biased, I am learning how to be better and amplify without smothering. I am trying to be as best of an ally as I can be, and I’ve been having conversations with those around in order to. But calling me racist when you don’t know me, or what I’ve done, or why I’m doing what I’m doing is really hurtful. I understand that this is an incredibly hard time for everyone. It’s traumatic and people are allowed to be angry at what other are/are not doing. But please, if you wanted to have this conversation with me, we could have talked about it. I am always striving to learn to be better. Because as much as I may think I’m helping, sometimes it may not be the best way to do things.

And yes, I did change my theme on my side account for pride. I did so becuase I am part of the LGBTQIA+ community. That is something else that i spoke with the people around me about. What is me changing my theme going to do to bring justice to the black community? Nothing. But I am allowed to be proud of my identity. I celebrate the Black and Brown LGBTQIA+ people who were the ones to pave the road that led me to be able to be where I am. But Black Lives Matter is not an aesthetic, it’s not a fad, it’s not a moment, it’s a movement. I’m trying my best to make sure that I am doing what I can to sustain my activism in any way I can. I’m so sorry if you feel like this makes me racist. Please come to me, tell me how to be better. I’m learning, I’m trying to do what I’ve been told is the best way for me to help the cause.