#and that’s for the selfish reason of serving as a justification for something that it wants

[daydreamerdrew]

Iron Man (1968) #18

[tetitous]

Looking back on it, I believe Psyren in FMA 2003 is a narrative foil to 2 characters : Roy and Sloth. I'll mostly focus on Roy because that's really the parallel that talked to me the most.

I mean, once you think back on it, Psyren being a narrative foil to Sloth almost feels obvious : Alphonse immediately compares her to his mom, and immediately assumes she can do no wrong based on that first impression. That, plus her alchemy is heavily water-based.

But speaking of water, now onto fire: why Roy?

Well, Roy appears to the Elric brothers as an adult who is always one step above them. Almost immediately Edward shifts from admirative and respectful of him to doubtful and hostile after feeling like he was used once. A sort of rivalry gets established between the two. What's more, both Roy and Psyren are heavily associated with seductiveness, which in the 2003 version, is as much of a truth as it is a mask they wield to fool the people who underestimate them.

Most importantly though, is their goal: they both play cat and mouse with Edward, but also genuinely seem to want to help him. They both treat him half like a child, half like an adult, and tend to leave him extremely confused. Ed doesn't really seem to know for sure what to do with either of them.

But then, what does that parallel serve? Well I think Psyren makes it pretty clear: "what you think to be true of this character isn't necessarily so."

What is Psyren's goal? It is not to steal to gain money for herself, or to steal just to save a few establishment who might collapse in a few months. It's never made perfectly clear if her goal is actually the one stated, but it seems that she wants to give her dying city a few last moments of glory before it completely sinks into oblivion. The city WILL die, mind you, there is no stopping that, but she makes it go like a dying star : like a bright light everyone can see rather than a dull flicker no one noticed. She makes her city something to be remembered.

And accordingly, Roy's goal is not as obvious as it seems at first. He definetly tries to gain rank and power in the military, but why does it do it? To change the female uniform? That's obviously a stupid reason to want to go to the top. And why does he help Ed and Al ? Is it just for personal game? To be able to use them in need?

No. All he does, he does because of what happened in Ishbal. He wants to make sure something like it never happen again. Or does he? No, what he does is to give himself a justification for still being alive, to give meaning to the meaningless deaths he caused. It's both completely selfish and selfless at once. And the reason he helps Ed and Al? It's not about them, it's about the Rockbells, it's about Winry who he made an orphan. By helping the brothers he tries to correct that injustice he's responsible for. Or is it? Isn't it just because once he got to the door of their house, ready to take the blow of anything that gets thrown back at him, he instead faltered ? And that he still needed an excuse to be there?

[hazelnut-u-out]

Ring of Fire - 4

oh my GOD, sorry for the delay. life has just been chewing me up and spitting me out lately and i had a vision for this chapter that i had to execute.

anyway, idk if it's my best work. i've been in a weird brain fog lately, so i might rewrite this one at some point bc it's my blog and i can do what i want >:(

anywayyyyy...

drugs, alcohol, brief mentions of suicide, etc.

-4081 words

Synopsis:

The boys get ready to move on, but Birdperson has an idea...

You got me feeling like James Dean High on your honey suckle day dream Climb on the back of my iron steed The night is an open road Dumpster fire sky line Leave all of that pain behind Your arms wrapped around mine How fast do you want to go? Sad Cowboys and Rock and Roll

-Sad Cowboys and Rock and Roll by Van Andrew

-----

The desert morning hung closely to Birdperson’s burly form as he lay capsized in the sand at Rick’s feet. 

Rick grumbled something incomprehensible even to himself as he teetered on the heels of his toughened boots, his spurs jingling slightly as he pressed them further down into the earth. He might have felt himself sway with something other than the warming undertow of the liquor he pulled greedily from his flask at the sight, but he shook away the thought– his pale cobalt hair falling leisurely to frame his face and play with his lashes. 

His stubble was rough in a way that rivaled his seasoned fingers as they came up to scratch along his jaw. 

There was a misunderstanding, Rick thought, about why people drink. Sure, he occasionally chased that dull ache for the promise of relief, but Rick was under the assumption that the most common misconception about why people succumbed to that inherent need to numb themselves was that it was done in the search of something better. 

Maybe some people drank to feel better, but Rick drank to feel worse. It numbed what he felt— his lips, his fingers, his nose— but only served to amplify his innermost aching. He found that he could read his thoughts far more clearly when he was too drunk to focus on everything else that life saddled his senses with— and horrible thoughts, they were. 

He thought about three nights before– what he’d done; what a selfish fucking monstrosity he could never seem to stop himself from blossoming into– and tenderly brought that same unsteady hand to press against a potent knot of yellowing violet along his ribcage. He relished in the wince it drew from him. 

The bad part? He couldn’t even say he felt worse about killing that Gromflomite than he did anything else he’d done. 

Being fucked up may not have been a justification for the bitter poison that was who he was, but he hoped it could one day serve as a precursor to some semblance of redemption. 

Rick just prayed that he’d eventually be able to see a reason for pointing that gun at others instead of pulling the trigger on himself.

Blood and gore seemed to flow in every divet his boots carved along the ground– no matter the planet, or solar system, or universe– and Rick was so tired of feeling like someone he couldn’t trust himself with. He was broken in a way that demanded company– shattered in a way that wrecked others.

He hoped those rivers of scarlet painted a picture of peace.

At some point.

It was probably something to do with his incessant compulsion to destroy that had taught him to appreciate the serenity that found its way to him in that moment. It was probably something akin to that sting along his tired bones that let his eyes hemorrhage such fondness over the man below him now.

Birdperson was curled up on his side, facing away from Rick– wings wrapped tightly around himself and his nose poking out from the mess of plume ever so slightly. He faced both of the men’s hats where they lay in the dirt, his snores light as they danced out to brush along the felt. 

Rick cracked a smile– partly at the thought of how soft the most jagged man he knew was in that moment; partly at the fact that he could still appreciate such softness. 

It’s a funny thing, that burning deep inside of you that begs you to right your wrongs– that implores you to bend down, reach out, and run one scarred hand along the downy, blood-caked exterior of your friend’s healing wing. 

Rick knew there was no reason for staying here anymore. There was nothing they could do here.

He had a feeling that Birdperson knew that, too— and that was part of the reason he’d spent the last three days drunk and high; complicit in Rick’s downward spiral. 

Or maybe he was spiraling, too. 

Maybe they spiraled together.

It was time to go, and Rick cursed himself for ruining a damn good thing. 

He knew that if he’d had a chance like that, he’d… Well, he would’ve killed the man who got between himself and justice.

So, it was with gentle chagrin that he closed one hand around his resting companion’s taught shoulder and shook. 

The sand that stirred up in the wake of Birdperson’s sluggish movement cascaded down in quaint little formations, skimming along the pathways of morning sunlight that slipped through the cracks of Rick’s rising hand. 

Rick took another swig from his flask, the drink no longer carrying the same painful spark as it coated his leaden, swollen tongue and sunk down into the heat of his tumultuous belly. 

Birdperson muttered something quiet and demure as his dusty lids made way for life, melting a bit of Rick that had been frozen beneath the icy blanket of intoxication that swaddled him in familiar comfort. 

A breath passed, and Rick observed as his friend slowly gained that speckle of sentience that flitted away during deep sleep after a good cry.

Rick listened to the sounds Birdperson made as he rustled along the floor, stretching on wobbly legs and fixing the buttons of his blue shirt. 

Rick didn’t bother to put on his leather vest, but simply bent over and let his hand find purchase along his cattleman. 

“Sanchez?” Rick heard his friend croak out behind him, turning to find him standing in the orange cast of the sun, his own belongings thrown over one forearm. 

“Hmmm?” Rick replied, pressing one filthy palm to the center of his forehead. 

“Are we leaving?”

Something about that question– perhaps the way the other man’s voice wavered with that sort of disappointment one swallows when they’re forced to forfeit their efforts in exchange for spit and dirt– pulled Rick’s heart down to the soles of his feet, where it sat heavily and begged to anchor him to the planet. 

Rick wriggled against those invisible ties, wound tighter by his friend’s sorrowful eyes, and forced himself to give a brief nod– a minute expression that anyone could have missed if they’d blinked. 

His partner made a strange sort of gurgling sound before clearing his throat, and though hurt flashed along his features, Rick couldn’t help but think that there was a kindness there that he didn’t deserve. 

A willingness to forgive, or maybe something already rooted in the tender touch of understanding, that went against everything Rick thought he could stomach. 

He took another drink. 

“Are you… drunk?” Birdperson inquired meekly, something in his tone teetering along a line of hope that Rick knew his friend was too smart to place much purchase on. 

Without answering, Rick shoved his flask into the burlap tote laying against one of the logs, and picked up his withered guitar. 

It had once been painted blue, too, but was now a pallid sort of brown, and the grain of the wood prickled the pads of his fingers as the cool strings kissed his palm. 

“Just…” Rick began with a sigh, trailing off for a moment with another swoon. He couldn’t wait to shower. “Just get the ship, man…”

“Your nose looks… better.” An anchor sunk the words— heavy and thick. Rick could tell from the weight of it that Birdperson was sober now, but he’d known that already.

He’d learned the other man always managed to pull himself together more quickly, like he was either less broken or more accustomed to the art of lying to himself. 

BP extended a hand slowly, almost as if he were going to caress the injury, but Rick pulled back from the touch. 

He didn’t deserve pity. 

Or comfort. 

Or a friend. 

The look that flashed across Birdperson’s features was one Rick knew the emotion behind well, and it curdled something in his gut to know that anyone would dare to feel guilty for beating the shit out of someone as deserving of it as himself. 

“Very well.” 

Rick took the few moments spent by his partner retrieving the pocket ship from his own saddle bag to press his palms into his eyes. 

For three days, it had felt like the world was ending. The sky had burned a deep coral, even in the evening— as if the world was on fire everywhere except for their little shelter. The air around them twisted and bent to the ebb of distant music, and they flowed into one another without touching… 

Much. 

Without touching much. 

Rick could still feel Birdperson’s muscular hands lighting sparks along his arms as he held him steady. He could still sense the silky feathers of his friend’s head grazing his stomach as he curled into a heap on his lap. The heat of another being seeped past his sinewed skin and warmed his tired bones. 

“Rick?”

BP’s delicate voice startled him from his thoughts, and Rick jumped a bit before turning towards the sound. 

“Yeah?” It came out quieter than he would have liked, but he tried to shake off that sickening feeling of falling into himself. 

“I want to take you somewhere,” Birdperson said flatly in a way that was difficult for Rick to read. “Tonight. Before we go.” 

Rick would have followed him anywhere— so, of course, he agreed to follow him to dusk. 

…..

The sun was barely flush with the horizon from Rick’s perch on the edge of the stream. 

He felt clean. 

For the first time in forever, he genuinely felt clean. 

He’d convinced BP to let him make a quick trip into town to snag some soap— it was a deep aquamarine bar that carried a musky floral scent— while his counterpart found a suitable alcove to open the pocket ship for a moment and retrieve some clean clothes. 

Rick thought he looked rather silly in Birdperson’s garments— they were too baggy on his twig-like frame, and they weren’t… nice clothes, by any means.

Rick was nervous about whatever event Birdperson had planned. If there were to be people, he would be severely underdressed during a Festival event. 

And eaten alive for being a gendered organism, but that was a rant for a different time.

Rick still couldn’t figure out how his friend had managed to grab two sets of his own clothes, but he didn’t want to be rude by insisting he risk detection again just for a pair of his own. 

Now, Rick’s bare toes kissed the cool babbling water as he slouched forward— finally sobering up. His hair was still slightly wet and clinging to his cheekbones, and he was freshly shaven and hidden in the tent of a white tee. Rick was thankful he’d had his own belt handy, as it held up BP’s large jeans, even though he’d had to roll them up about five times at his ankles. 

It was… comfortable.

The clothes smelled like his friend— like freshly baked bread and cinnamon sugar with a sharp undertone of sweat— and the slits along the back let the warm breeze brush along his bruised skin. 

Rick closed his eyes and took a deep breath of the desert air. It was surprisingly crisp and lightening in its trip through his body– something he was still getting used to feeling in any sense. 

Placing his hands behind him flat along the ground, he leaned back onto them at an angle as if to ask the sun to light him up on stage. 

Gather ‘round, all! Rick Sanchez has a moment of peace. 

A born performer. 

The gentle smack of his hat onto his face roused him from his thoughts– the roars of the crowd withering back into the recesses of his mind. 

“Do I look alright?” His partner implored, and Rick let out a small giggle as he pushed the brim of his hat up to set properly on his head, turning his cheek to face the other man at his right. 

It’s a strange thing, that moment you realize you’re coming down from a lengthy buzz and you really see someone again for the first time. 

That sensation all men experience when they look at their friend, freshly shaven and glowing; when their heart catches in their throat and threatens to pull them under on its plummet back down. 

Rick thought he’d never be able to gather the air to speak. 

Birdperson stood in the gentle ochre of the setting sun, the edges of his plume burning a deep auburn– the bandage around his wing the only indication of his tumble from heaven. For a moment, Rick questioned if the wings along his lower back truly were a divine depiction, as he’d initially thought. 

Just like an angel to be so humble. 

His partner wore a long-sleeved blue thermal, nearly identical in shade to Rick’s hair while wet, tucked into a pair of faded denim jeans. His belt buckle glistened in the beam of light and he wore his usual tan armitas over it all. His boots were already on, spurs barely touching the dirt, and his hands were tucked deep into his front pockets– his shoulders pushed forward as if he were nervous. 

“Well?” he prompted once again, shaking Rick from his study. 

He was a man of science, afterall. It was only natural for him to record variables. 

“Mhmm,” Rick hummed more timidly than he’d expected, lowering his gaze to where his own fingers played in the sand at his side. Why did his cheeks burn? He wasn’t blushing, was he? “Ya look good.”

“You’re just saying that,” Birdperson replied, a jouncy tone to his voice as he extended one hand down in front of Rick’s face– an offer. 

Rick hesitated, only for a moment, before bringing his hand up to lay in his companion's palm. BP’s warm fingers closed around his own, sending a bolt of electricity up Rick’s arm as he was pulled up to his feet. 

“How many times do we have to go over this?” Rick chuckled, pulling his hand back and shoving it into his back pocket. “Nunca te mentiría, baby.” He winked, trying to gather some semblance of the usual charm he carried when flirting playfully with his partner. 

Like all men do. 

It was Rick’s turn to notice the blush that rose to Birdperson’s cheeks as he tucked his chin back in a bashful grin, twisting the toe of his boot into the earth. 

“Put your boots on, Sanchez. I’ve got somewhere to take you.”

......

The ride into the sunset was something Rick thought only existed in those old western romance films. The wind bristled past both of the men, and Rick let out a howl– a breathing, living thing on its own– into that great expanse of the unknown. 

They rode side-by-side on their equore, and Rick couldn’t resist throwing his arms out at his sides as he called out to the heavens above. 

Or beyond. Wherever they were. He wasn’t sure– but something about this moment had him believing they existed. 

The drag of the air pulled on the tips of his fingers and he smiled, closing his eyes and trusting that the growing night would eat him alive. 

It was nights like these that had him hoping he'd die young. 

He felt the warmth of a calloused hand brushing against the outstretched fingers at his left, and he knew who it was. Birdperson let out a hearty laugh– probably the first time either of them had laughed so sincerely since the events three days prior– and Rick couldn’t calm that little spirit within him that beckoned him to do the same. 

Red dust rose in dramatic clouds all around them as a purple cast fell over the cooling landscape– the huffing and puffing of the two animals carrying them and the smack of their clawed talons upon the ground the epic backdrop to the ballad they wrote together in that moment. 

“Rick! Stand with me!” Birdperson yelled, and Rick looked over at his friend. Birdperson was wide-eyed with a cheshire grin. Rick smiled back, an unhinged frenzied thing, but a flash of hesitance engulfed him. Something about his expression must have betrayed his fear, or maybe it was the way his grip tightened around BP’s fingers, because his companion called out again. “Trust me!”

Rick nodded. 

Rick followed BP’s lead, his friend’s stare warm and assuring. His feet weighed down the stirrups, and then… 

They were standing. Rick shrieked in impish delight– the world whirring by him like a deafening roar– and Birdperson stared back at him, something soft and tender in his gaze. 

Something that qualmed Rick’s laughter and made such a raucous moment feel like the most serene thing he’d ever experienced. 

“We’re almost there!” Birdperson declared, looking forward and jutting his chin towards the horizon pointedly. 

Rick followed his gaze, drunk on something more bubbly than whisky and more heady than scotch, and his heart nearly careened outward. 

A haze of neon mulberry light swathed a watery skyline. Distant music– a slow, chilling thrum– now meandered its way to Rick’s ears. The silhouette of hundreds of small stilt buildings hovered over the water– a city. If he squinted, Rick could have sworn he saw swarms of bodies milling about. 

“Pile dwellings?” Rick called out in inquiry. 

“The City of the Lost!” Birdperson said in answer. “They’re everyone the Blessed rejects! It’s Festival of the Lost! We’re free here!”

Rick’s heart fluttered.

….

It had been an endless night, and Rick lost Birdperson somewhere amongst the writhing crowd of tentacles and scales.

He’d lost his hat, too. 

Most of the aliens around him were Warekin– short in stature and boney scaled things. He shivered in the range of their glittering, three-eyed gazes as he gyrated along with them to the shrill bass of the music. Some of the other species he didn’t recognize, but it hardly mattered.

He was sweaty and high– on what, he didn’t know– and the neon buzz engulfed everyone who dared to wander out onto the dance floor of the hovering square. 

It was freeing, being surrounded by so many creatures who showered love and devotion over whatever other moving things teetered within their path. Rick lost count of how many mouths he’d discovered; how many bodies he’d felt; how many drugs he’d taken– but he knew he would never stop. 

Until he did. 

There, about twenty paces ahead, somewhere within the fog of smoke and inebriating essence of sex, was his bird. 

God, had he always been this beautiful? Had he always been such a slave to the moonlight– to the undercurrent of music?

Where had his shirt gone? 

Did his muscles always glisten so enticingly?

All Rick knew was where he had to be– who he wanted to feel next to him– and so he pushed through the mess of wriggling bodies until he could close one hand around Birdperson’s own. 

“Dance with me?” Rick sighed into the other man’s ear– his breath hot and tense along BP's neck. 

Rick could smell him, and he drank it in. They were but one more prop in a sea of bodies, and Rick reveled in it. 

“Rick!” Birdperson slurred, pulling Rick into his chest a little too-hard by the joining of their hands. “Where’ve you been? You look good in my clothes!” 

BP let out a trifling little hiccup sound, giggling and bringing both of his hands up to rest on Rick’s shoulders. 

The music slowed– or maybe it didn’t. Maybe it was just something about the look the two men shared that slowed everything. 

Rick didn’t care.

He settled both of his arms around Birdperson’s waist and pulled them flush together, splaying his hands out along his companion's center back. 

Never had bare skin felt more alive to Rick than in that moment. 

Rick looked up at Birdperson, at how the amethyst brilliance grazed his features so lovingly, and he thought he could explode. His heart thundered– not just in his ears, but in every part of him– and his skin was vibrating, like a magnet begging to be pulled even closer. 

Maybe he’d make a home in his friend’s ribs. 

“Here,” Birdperson panted, bringing one hand up and tucking Rick’s head beneath his own chin. Rick closed his eyes as BP’s other arm engulfed his shoulders. 

He was so strong. So much stronger. 

Rick let himself be lulled along with Birdperson’s swaying, slow and ingratiating, drinking in his scent. 

Birdperson didn’t move his hand from the back of Rick’s head, instead opting to run his fingers through his hair mindlessly. 

It felt neverending and like no time had passed at all. Rick thought he could stay here forever– nothing but an extension of a loner who wasn’t so lonely anymore. 

Where some people drank to feel better, Rick drank to feel worse.

Now, though... Birdperson was the sweetest drink he'd ever tasted, and he thought that maybe it could be okay to feel better.

Just once.

“Do… D’ya think I’m like… cursed or so–some shit?” Rick drawled out, nearly drooling along the exposed flesh of Birdperson’s collarbone. 

“Cursed?” Birdperson asked, resting his cheek atop Rick’s mop of tangled hair. 

“Yeah,” Rick answered, dragging his hands up BP’s back slowly to find a home just beneath the juncture of his wings and his shoulders. He could hear the other man’s breath hitch, his heart pulsing back to life beneath his ribs. “‘Cause everyone I love k-keeps fuckin’ dying.”

Rick said it with a laugh– something bubbly in him twisting his mind enough to appreciate the absurdity of it all. 

“No,” Birdperson replied after a moment. “I think maybe you’re just… easy to fall into.” Rick snickered a bit, nuzzling further into the crook of BP’s shoulder. His lips grazed over the flesh as he spoke again. 

“So, I’m like a hole?”

“You’re more like… like your bottles, I guess,” Birdperson swung. “Here, put your feet on mine.”

Rick did as he was told, collapsing fully onto the muscular form before him and allowing his partner to move for the two of them now. 

He felt like he could drift off here, soaking in the warmth that seeped into him where they touched. 

“What the fuck’s that s’posed to mean?” Rick breathed out, barely audible over the music. 

“You don’t let people stop before they reach the bottom.”

“Hmmm…” Rick was starting to feel a little nauseous, the darkness behind his lids twisting into a weird sensation. “It– It’s not about making it to the bottom… It’s about drowning on the way down, I think.”

Birdperson laughed this time, the deep rumble running through Rick’s frame. 

He felt like jelly. Like a cup of gelatin. 

“I like to swim,” Birdperson whispered along Rick’s hair. 

Rick shivered. 

“I hope I die soon.” Rick said it sweetly– thick and dripping with honey– as he smiled into Birdperson’s shoulder. 

“Why?”

BP pulled Rick back a bit by his shoulders, and Rick whined, cracking open his eyes to meet his friend’s gaze. He looked serious. 

“Why’d ya do that?” Rick fretted sluggishly against the restraint.

“Answer me.” 

“I’d just hate to wonder what would’ve happened if…if–” Rick looked at his friend’s lips before trailing off, trying to clamber his way back into the warmth of BP’s chest with little success. 

“If what?” Birdperson asked, a bit of his hardened expression faltering– probably at realizing just how out of it Rick really was. 

“If… If I had…” Rick trailed off again, flitting a quick glance back up at Birdperson’s gaze before making a decision. 

Rick threw himself forward– closing his eyes and pushing himself upward on his toes. 

Suddenly, Birdperson’s lips were on his own. 

His lips were more plush than Rick had expected. He could feel his own chapped equivalents scratching their velvety surface. 

It was chaste and innocent. 

Shy. 

Tender.

Rick waited for the moment Birdperson pulled away– pushed him off; called him ‘disgusting’ and told him he’d fucked everything up, but–

But then…

Those rough hands left his shoulders and found their way to his cheeks. BP cupped his face gently for hands so worn, and tilted forward into the touch, pulling at his jaw. 

It hurt Rick’s purpled nose a bit, but he didn’t care. 

He could smell the alcohol and cinnamon on his counterpart’s breath– could taste the whiskey on his lips– and Rick relaxed as he bled into him. 

The music didn’t stop, and neither did they. 

------

[saltyfilmmajor]

tell us about how you ship lane and ethan, cause how i see is lane is very obsessed with him and thats of course the romantic hate vibes. in my mind is basically the same dinamic as lego batman and lego joker, but i wanna know your take

So I’ve been really sitting on this question for most of the day because I have a lot to say about this.

There’s more under the cut, but the short answer is I ship them together mostly because how I view them as Narrative Foils who are both fixated/obsessed with each other (for different but equally interesting reasons). But also, it’s not outright hate they harbor (at least not in Rogue Nation, in Fallout that is more accurate), Ethan understands Lane’s motivations even if he despises the man’s actions, and Lane is very much interested in Ethan’s potential as an anarchist/terrorist.

I think it’s interesting you cite Lego Batman and Joker’s dynamic as the frame of reference for Your interpretation of Lane x Ethan, and that’s totally valid. I’ve not seen lego batman but what I understand is that that dynamic is romantically coded but played more cartoonishly, which is how I initially viewed Lane x Ethan.

You can absolutely play to the concept comedically, I think there is something inherently funny in shipping a hero with a villain (your mileage may vary.) But for me what draws me to actually writing fic is the angst potential of loving or lusting after someone who is ideologically opposed to you. I think, and reasonable people are free to disagree with my opinion, that Ethan as a character harbors dark thoughts and feelings, but for several reasons lets them go. 1) He understands that there are consequence in giving into his impulsive anger (see: MI3 when he dangles Owen Davian from a fucking plane, which directly results in his own wife getting kidnapped) The idea that Ethan could never turn is something that floats around in the fandom, and while it’s true to say Ethan would never turn (it’s just something imbued into his character by now) I think we don’t explore the “why” of that enough. Ethan has a support system, where Lane does not.

Ethan’s team, whoever they happen to be in any movie, are central to how Ethan interacts with the world he’s always trying to save. Ethan loses his entire team in the first film and that informs every decision he makes for the rest of his life. He wants out of the IMF, but he keeps getting pulled back in. He loses his team, his wife, his protégé and ultimately his ability to live a normal civilian life. But Luther, and Benji and whoever happens to stay on his team, he cares about them, they are his family. We don’t view his prioritizing of his family as selfish, because that’s what people perceive is a normal thing to do. But that prioritization always comes at the cost of the mission. Rogue Nation and Fallout lean into this heavily. Ethan, if properly provoked, he will do impulsive or selfish things (even if those selfish things also happen to benefit other people). The caveat to that is that his friends are able to pull him back, or at least call him out and warn him from going too far on their behalf.

Also, Ethan has a history of rogue behavior that even if it is in the service of the “greater good”, is the justification that the villains of the last three films ultimately rely on for their own actions. So, while we the audience understand Ethan to be the good guy, in universe this is the exact reason all these spy organizations fear/distrust Ethan.

Comparatively speaking, Ethan is more well-adjusted than Solomon Lane, because despite the things he goes through, he doesn’t let his crisis of faith ever deter him from doing what he thinks is right. In contrast, Lane lets his anger drive him into letting the world burn. His anger is destructive, but it serves his purpose of enacting revenge. But he is much more detached emotionally, and there are multiple ways to interpret Lane as a character, but I see him as someone who doesn’t want to admit he may have emotions. Which is understandable as again, he was also a former field agent. The reason he keeps Ilsa around is that he sees potential in her, potential to see the world as he sees it. Vinter speaks at Ethan, asking aloud: “What does he see in you, I wonder?”.  While Vinter may not see what Lane is looking for in Ethan, the fact that Lane doesn’t order his outright death is telling, at least to Vinter. (Although that is not enough to stop Vinter from trying regardless.)

There are parts of the script that where cut out of the final film that makes this dynamic more obvious, rather than the subtext it is in the narrative. And while, when analyzing their dynamic I can only rely on what makes it into the final product, the fact that Lane wants to “corrupt/torture/seduce” Ethan has always been intended. However one chooses to read that is up to the viewer, especially because this interpretation of their dynamic relies on subtext.

I think, personally, it’s interesting to explore this dynamic as basically like this: Lane: Aren’t you tired of Being Nice, don’t you just want to go apeshit?

Ethan:

it's about the ideological conflict, and the begrudging understanding. Lane and Ethan function as narrative foils for each other, where they could have turned out as each other, had circumstances been different. “The Same thing that’s wrong with me is wrong with you (Derogatory)”

So that’s my thoughts.

[volot]

headcanon: empathy, sympathy, pity.

or: how volo views the world through his own fishbowl lens, and how his empathy has twisted itself into something that doesn’t look like it normally should.

remember how i wanted to talk about volo’s fucked up empathy? let’s jump into that.

when it comes to a character who wishes to end the world, there’s a common debate on whether or not these kinds of characters practice empathy. in the thickets of fandom spaces, i’ve seen either side argued; a ‘yes’ or a ‘no’, and like all things on this blog, i’m inclined to think it’s a little more... complicated than that?

to start, i’ll say this: i don’t personally believe volo is a heartless person. but i also don’t believe volo is a bleeding heart, either. 

volo is, after all, just a man. a man who has endured alluded to trauma, both generational and connected to his heritage / culture, and presumably very heartbreaking and painful situations based on what he says. he has seen history and its bloody, ugly bones, he has likely seen others suffer as he has if not worse, and has witnessed and been through enough to believe that change is not possible, but a full reset of everything is. there is no coming back, there is no change they can reach, they must start anew, and by someone who knows it best, under a god who will account for all the suffering in the world. 

but he is also a man with a complex. he is someone who has deluded himself into believing he is grandiosely special, someone who is chosen and destined to meet with god, someone who is far greater than any other due to his destiny and the blood in his veins, that he is above many things for these reasons. he puts himself in the position of someone who is no man, but is someone meant for so much more, a being on par with divinity, who will reach apotheosis and bring forth a better world of his own plan. he views himself as the closest thing to god, a savior, and one who will become god and control creation at his fingertips. he has decided this. fate has decided this.

so, that begs the question: how does he feel with all this in mind? what does this do to his perspective?

there’s one word i’ve used consistently in writing him and i’ve always used it for a pretty good reason.

to put it simply: volo pities.

to be more precise: volo has a repeated behavior in-game where he looks and acts like he’s either very distant or purposefully separating himself from things ( people, places, affiliations, so on, outside of his roots ), and/or believing he is above it somehow. the way volo’s pity works is ironically similar to the god he chases and condemns: the best way to describe it, i think, is comparing it to that of a god looking down upon something that is small and pitiful, reserved and not personally involved, but they can recognize that this is, indeed, something very sad, he can acknowledge the tragedy of it, of what a shame it is that they must have gone through or endured these things.

i’ve talked plenty of times about how volo suffers from extreme tunnel vision, focusing heavily on his own grief and using others as means of justification of his own resolution to the problem. a good post that glazes over it is this one, where i still stand by the fact that while empathetic, volo’s empathy is very selfish and self-serving. your grief, suffering, and hardship are fuel to his ever-burning fire; he will remember and carry it with him up to god’s altar when he asks why, but he doesn’t care for if you want the world reset or not: your agony is clear to him, a bargaining piece, a shard to fix in his new world. this quote of his puts it best:

"You see, ever since I was young, whenever I met with something painful or heartbreaking... I couldn't help but wonder why life was so unfair. Why I was cursed to live through such things. Of course, I imagine we all go through something like that. “

i’ve bolded an important line here, because volo talks primarily of his own grief, first and foremost. he rattles on about his own hardships, the wounds still aching; he’s focused on it first, then tacks on that he imagines ‘we all go through something like that.’ this can be read as sort of a dismissive afterthought, as though he’s saying ‘yeah others probably feel this way, too.’ but i believe this is him setting up sympathies, evoking a sense of familiarity, and equally accounting for the fact that he has seen people suffer just as he has. he knows it isn’t just him, even if he’s centered on his own orbit; there are others in this world who have gone through similar hardships, and they are one of the many footnotes as to why this world must be reset. it is resounding for him, i think. hammering the point in. to himself, to the player; that if there are others, then the world must be reset, that they would want this too; this forces the player to think: do we all go through something like that? are there others who feel this way, too? do we, as the player, feel this way as well? 

that’s not to say volo is cruel about it. hardly so. if you were to bare your heart to him, then he will fall into his savior complex easily. become the shoulder you need, become the hands you need to hold you upright when the world feels as though it will shatter beneath you, the arms you can allow yourself to crumble into. he will comfort you, he will console you with soft words that sound sympathetic, gentle touches if you want them - validate your hurt your anger, your upset, your grief. he will sympathize,  he will let you vent it out, he will dry your tears, he will become whatever pillar of strength and hope you require. for as much as he blathers, he’s good at it; the listening, the consoling. the whispering of promises for a better world, with the ambition to back it up if he has tried to instill this into you. someone who understands, who is hearing you, who is listening to you, who is seeing your grief and says ‘i’m sorry that this happened to you.’ ( this too is manipulative in a way, but what isn’t about him? )

 ...but does he relate to you? does his heart bleed for you? no, not exactly. i believe he can recognize the grief, the tragedy, he can recognize your sadness and he can pity with all he has; he feels bad for you, for your situation. his expression may turn somber, or he may scowl at the heavens. but this is less to do with you, on a level that is intimate and personal, and more struggle in his faith, a sisyphean feeling in regards to arceus; he wonders, how can a god with a heart do this? how can a god that is claimed to be compassionate and good and true able to allow these tragedies to roll by? he may feel anger at your situation, but it is all anger that is directed at god. he feels, intensely as he tends to, but not to the point of being blinded by it. there is a line he must draw. distance he must retain.

something i’ve meant to talk about in my future headcanon explaining how he manipulates is that he can recognize when someone has suffered just like he has. he can find these threads of similarity, but he does not outright relate to you: instead, he acknowledges it and uses it to his own advantage but again, remains distant and detached. this will get its own post, but hey, it’s still worth noting. 

he cannot put himself in your shoes - in the same way he avoids getting attached to people in general, because this world is going to end sooner than later - and walk through your steps because it is beneath him to do so, but he can carry you over the ledges and the rifts and the mountains. he struggles to relate to you, on a non-superficial level, but most important is that he cannot bleed himself dry for you, because a god without blood will be too weak to lift the new world up. so instead, he looks down upon you.

“but lucian,” you say. “if he pities people, what about how carelessly he talks about how everyone will die when the world is reset?” and to it i say to you: i think it’s still a little complicated!

with that quote, this one:

"Of course, if I create a brand-new world, then the Hisui region that we currently exist in will be undone and returned to nothing. You, everyone you know, and all the Pokémon living here will vanish in an instant, as if you'd never been."

i’ve seen this argued in favor of him having no empathy, and while i respect that analysis, i don’t personally view it as the case. i think here, he displays a few things:

1.) he has already decided on this goal a long, long time ago. while not spoiling my written headcanon on his motivations, it is worth noting that he is also curious about the power arceus holds, and i’m sure he is of the belief that if there was someone he wished to bring over, why would he be unable to? he is delusional and on a power high, and thoroughly convinced this is possible.

2.) even if that weren’t possible, then this will not stop him. he has already been dead-set on what the outcome is, and there is nothing good without a little sacrifice. it is sad that people will lose their lives in this world if he recreates it, yes; tragic, definitely, these are things he can absolutely recognize. but he must do what he has to, and this is not something that will make him hesitate or reconsider. what must be done, must be done. their lives are already so filled with suffering and doomed: it is best to end them early before misery sets, and give them a brand new shot in the new world. the ends justify the means.

3.) he is likely saying this to also provoke the player, while not being dishonest about it: because he demands that they must fight beneath god’s eye, because that is what he wants. he wants to bid a show for arceus, to prove that he is the one that should be rightfully chosen, and then get rid of you, so that someone like you doesn’t dare oppose him.

in the end... your grief is something he considers pitiful; people are pitiful souls and pokemon are pitiful beasts, and he will drink your sorrows from the well to fill his ambitions whole. 

[thevalleyisjolly]

Yes it can be uncomfortable to watch but man do I like the Time Lord Victorious arc. It directly confronts and brings into light the paradox of the Doctor - that our beloved protagonist, someone who has made a stand time and time again for kindness and forgiveness and love, is not only capable of but willing to commit grievous abuses of power for selfish reasons. That's the point, that the same Doctor who has done so much good in the universe is also the same Doctor who has before and is again willing to use that power in self-serving ways.

Arrogance is a recurring character trait with the Doctor across most of their regenerations. Again and again, they swan into situations, issuing orders and telling people what to do like they're the ultimate authority. The difference is that up until now, it's usually worked out - the bad guys are defeated, at least some people survive, and the Doctor's course of action was proven mostly right (or at least partially justified) in the end.

Time Lord Victorious sets up a situation where it can't work out, where there is meant to be no happy ending. In such a situation, the Doctor's values, which are normally aligned with his personal limitations and which together justify his sense of authority, clash with what he knows he must not do. He values life. He cannot save their lives. He's always been able to save something before. He can never save the people that really matter to him. Why can't he? He knows what is best - he's always known what is best before. If someone knows what is best and they're capable of making it happen, well, why not? These people, these brilliant people, are terrified, they're going to die. He can hear their screams. He's always been able to save something. He can save them. He should save them. Isn't that what the Doctor does?

We see the qualities which usually make the Doctor a hero equally enable his worst aspects. A commanding presence and leadership under pressure makes him a natural figure of authority in a crisis, and equally feeds into his own sense of importance. Compassion for life leads him to show mercy and go to great lengths to help people, and also serves as self-justification for the actions he takes in that process, to the point where the appearance of compassion supercedes actual care for the people involved. His contempt for oppression and bullies inspires him to fight for people's freedom everywhere; it also reaffirms that he is outside anyone's power and can do whatever he likes.

Yes, Time Lord Victorious is uncomfortable to watch. It's one of the Doctor's worse moments, the time when some of their most unappealing aspects surface and the Doctor chooses wrongly. But I think that's also what makes it so important. We are forced to confront the notion that the Doctor is not inherently good. The same qualities which have shined through positively in past good deeds are the same qualities which he now abuses for his own self-centred reasons. Like any other living being, the Doctor is capable of both great good and great bad, and they have to constantly make the choice to do the right thing. Sometimes they succeed. Sometimes they succeed but they do not do so kindly or wholly willingly. Sometimes they fail. Sometimes, as Time Lord Victorious makes viscerally and uncomfortably obvious, they fail very badly indeed.

While I understand characterizations of Time Lord Victorious as the Doctor's "dark" side, I don't think it's meant to function in that sense of "Oh, this is the Doctor's hidden villainy." Rather, I think Time Lord Victorious brings to the forefront the power that the Doctor has always had to commit great deeds, both illustrious and terrible, and then the Doctor's conscious choice in this instance to actively wield this power in the wrong way for the wrong reasons. He was tired of feeling powerless and small and wanted to have things exactly his way, just for once. No more losing people because he was holding himself back. After everything he'd seen, everything he'd been through, he wanted his reward and if nothing in the universe was going to give it to him, he'd make it happen himself.

[burned-lariat]

You got me thinking today, from one of your answers...... I'm back again.

ChayLynn's demise, why is this squarely Brook Lynn's fault? I see it as a two way street. Chase's excuse for doing the singing was mainly to pay the bills. He didn't like it but he did it for her sake (blind love I guess?), his justification for being mad at her for not writing the letter to help get his badge back seemed over the top. He witnesses Linc harassing Blaze and does nothing (delicate genius 🙄). He submits to Brook Lynn's demands and keeps quiet and keeps on singing.. She devises a plan only to get herself played in the end. Chase should take take some culpability here too, he saw an attitude shift in Brook Lynn, they werent on the same page anymore and nada, just went on trusting the process, right? Taking away his agency and playing God, sir not today. No use in putting those two back together if that doesn't happen.. The real stakes of this story gets burried under the fantasy fame singing fluff GH shoved at us for six months! Only notables were a ChayLynn "romance" and a "break up". Quotations because was it even real? Their pretend business deal overshadowed their real relationship. The very thing they both were concerned about, now look. So going after Linc and getting Brook Lynn's songs back should now serve as the "real story" to invest in. I'm like, there better be a huge payoff for subjecting Brook Lynn to self sabotage and Chase singing like a David Hasselhoff reject lol. Endgame is eminent, but ugh... I don't expect them to get the Sprina treatment . Lol Do you?

All this progress that was made for Brook Lynn only to undue it quickly after. Like let her bask in her newfound glow up geez. We can't count on Willow, she's busy doing something boring lol. Despite Brook Lynn's downfall, i still believe she can come out of this upcoming arc victorious. Linc should be the only villain ready to sport an orange jumpsuit soon. Focus more on her continuing to overcome taking back her pride and dignity, her inability to sing (her true passion) and channel it into a new passion something she can be proud of.. acknowledge that Chase was her stand-in, he was living her broken dreams and her emotional stuggles that came with it. Songwriting is still viable too cause her boo thang said so.. Isn't Blaze a direct reflection of herself when she endured Linc's harassment? Get her unstuck from herself and make her an advocate for the silent victim(s) of sexual harassment, this tweenage behavior is so unbecoming. Is this how they plan to "continue their love story"? The writing is so lackluster but okay. Well add she needs to be her own badass hero first, courageous BLQ needs to re-emerge. No more of Chase's butt hurt brooding. We want to take him seriously when he's reinstated this time for good; maybe solve one or two cases in five years time. lol But i digress.

I didn't want Maxie having the talk with Brook Lynn. If not her mother, Olivia or Ned would have been better suited. Again Chase had already chosen her (his actions/his words), but it's his struggle with forgiveness and broken trust that he needs to overcome. Lets start with seeing Brook Lynn shedding her selfish/childish habits. She's in love, but she won't have reason to share that with him now.. let's her actions speak for itself. The lack of supporting characters and platonic friendships for Brook Lynn is tragic. Comparatively her and Spencer are loosely paralleled but who gets the better writing thus far should say something about the writing team wrt attention to details.

sidenote: I want OG!ChayLynn back w/ the slow sizzling romance. Linc coming back? 👎 But maybe it's a coming full-circle kinda thing idk?

Frank Valentini, I'm warning you. Don't drag this on another year ffs! *meditating* woo saaah!

The writers seem to have a "fun" habit of making pairs where one is thrown under the bus and stripped of agency while the other is domineering and/or controlling. ChaLynn is the newest victim, and unlike other pairs, they did NOT start that way. Since they got together, and since this Linc story has gone on, Chase is a doormat, while Brook takes a disproportionate amount of control over them and their romance. It reminds me of prime CaOss. I also hope there is a big and substantial payoff in this nonsense because otherwise, they went out of their way to sabotage what was a pretty good pair. And honestly, no, I don't see them getting the Sprina treatment.

I have no doubt Brook will be the winner in this story, because how on Earth would a random dayplayer get this much victory and presence??? No shot. And absolutely - her purpose should've being a songwriter and focusing on that while somehow getting her songs back. And plus, when she realized there was a more worthwhile fight in suing Linc for widespread sexual harassment, that would've been a FAR better direction to go. But nope! Brook agreed to an NDA for her songs back - awful writing. ChaLynn should be the Songwriter & the PI.

Yeah Maxie was kinda the last person giving love advice and diagnosis, considering who she supports as love interests and has even been with (minus Spinelli & Nathan). Chase needs to learn to trust again and Brook needs to tap into her faux-mother behavior. And YES she needs friends. Maxie is fine, Michael is...blegh, have her mingle with more people her age like the Davis girls!

I, too, want ChaLynn back, not whatever the writers made of them. And know Frank, Chris, and Dan, we'll be waiting another two years 😒

[makeste]

“but I thought about how I needed to say this”

a.k.a. yet another meta dissection of The Apology. I actually wrote most of this up on Friday night based on the original Japanese (@pikahlua​ has an excellent translation up here, and I also used @hanashimas’ translations as a reference as well), but I wanted to wait until the official release, though that turned out to be a mixed bag to say the least lol.

I would also recommend reading @pikahlua​ and @class1akids��’ breakdowns of this scene (here and here, respectively), because they are excellent, and because if any scene deserves to have as many meta breakdowns written about it as possible, it’s this one.

anyway so here goes.

Caleb did a more accurate job with this than the fanscan, even if he did try his best to take us out of the seriousness of the moment by throwing in that swiss cheese line lol. anyway so there are two things I want to talk about here. the first is the line about Izuku not remembering, which I thought was a nice touch. of course he doesn’t remember what Kacchan said back then. he wasn’t exactly in the soundest emotional state after seeing one of the people he cares about most taking a near-fatal blow that was meant for him. I’d be shocked if he remembers anything about the aftermath (including the way he flew into a mindless rage afterwards) right up until the point when he entered the OFA Interstellar Party Void with Tomura. anyway, so I thought that was a nice callback.

and speaking of emotional states, the other thing I wanted to talk about is the part that Caleb got right which the fan scanlation didn’t. “but I had more to say.” in other words, “stop trying to win on your own” wasn’t just a one-liner; it was meant to be the beginning of a much longer speech. “there were other things that I needed to say.”

like, can we just stop and talk about that for a second. because basically what this means is that in that instant, when Kacchan pushed Deku out of the way and got impaled, his one and only thought was that he needed to apologize to Deku. his life was presumably flashing before his eyes, he had no idea if he was going to survive or not, and the only thing on his mind was how urgently he needed to make things right with his former childhood friend.

moving on!

so I have a confession to make, which is that I am relieved to see Katsuki describing this as the reason why he bullied Deku, as opposed to Horikoshi trying to retcon it into some sort of “secretly he was just trying to protect him and keep him out of harm’s way because he was worried” thing, which ngl would not have gelled very well with me. the thing is that I’m really not a fan of the whole “Kacchan Did Nothing Wrong” mentality that some fans seem to have. like, I have seen all sorts of convoluted attempts to find excuses for Katsuki’s shitty behavior, but in my view those attempts undermine what I love about his character in the first place. Katsuki is such a great character specifically because he is not perfect. his redemption arc is so compelling because he was such a giant asshole at the start. he was completely at fault, and he acknowledges this, and takes full responsibility for it. and that is fucking fantastic.

his arc is so great because it doesn’t rely on garnering sympathy by giving him a Tragic Past, or by trying to foist the blame for his behavior over on someone else. it’s an arc that acknowledges that redemption isn’t something you achieve by making people feel sorry for you; it’s something you have to earn by actively working to change and do better. and by forgoing the “misunderstood/tragic past” route, Horikoshi is making a statement that anyone can go down the wrong path, but that more importantly, anyone can also choose at any time to turn away from said path. there is only one requirement for doing so, and that is realizing that you’ve done wrong, and deciding that you want to change.

anyway, so in chapter 284 Kacchan of course had that whole speech about Deku not taking himself into account, and mentioned how that made him want to keep his distance. and a good chunk of fandom took this to mean that Katsuki’s bullying was actually a misguided response to Deku’s reckless tendencies -- sort of an “if I show him how weak and powerless he really is, I can get him to accept the reality that he’s quirkless, and that being a hero will just get him hurt or killed” type of thing. and I won’t lie, for a good while I was wondering myself if Horikoshi was really going to go down that route. and like I said, I am honestly relieved that he didn’t. not only for the reasons stated in the previous paragraph, but also because the message that would have sent -- that there are certain circumstances in which bullying can almost be excused because the bully had Good Intentions and was just trying to save the other person from themselves, and so it Wasn’t That Bad, Actually -- is all kinds of fucked up to say the least. so yeah, I’m glad we ended up steering well clear of that.

(ETA: this post was long enough already so I edited out the 3 additional paragraphs I originally wrote analyzing the dialogue from 284. but just to be clear, I’m not trying to imply that Kacchan worrying about Deku’s recklessness is a retconned thing that Horikoshi only threw into the story recently, because there are multiple instances throughout the story where he clearly is worried and in total denial of it. but I firmly believe those feelings are not what led to the bullying. they’re two separate things. Kacchan worrying about Deku is what prompts him to yell at him in chapter 1 when Deku comes to save him. but it’s not what incited him to burn his notebook and taunt him earlier in that same chapter. that action had a much meaner and more selfish motivation behind it, and I’m glad Horikoshi didn’t try to change it up last minute, because it wouldn’t have felt right.)

thankfully as of this chapter I think we can safely cross that out as a possibility, as we’re given the true explanation straight from Katsuki himself. and the truth is that he bullied Deku out of insecurity and jealousy and fear and intolerance. there was nothing noble about it. there were no good intentions concealed in his actions. there are no justifications given, no excuses offered, and no mitigating circumstances to be considered, other than the fact (which neither he nor Horikoshi bring up) that he was and is still a child, and that children make mistakes.

it’s an explanation that challenges many of fandom’s ideas on who is and isn’t eligible to be redeemed. there is no Ozai in Katsuki’s backstory. there’s no great tragedy that he spent a lifetime trying to rise above. the only villain in Katsuki’s story is Katsuki himself. the only darkness that he has to overcome is his own. and it’s challenging, because I think many people believe the only way someone can be redeemed for doing bad things is if bad things happen to them in return. but what Horikoshi is saying here is that that’s not the case. bad doesn’t erase bad. and the one and only way to truly earn redemption is by doing good.

and that’s what makes this such a phenomenal scene for me. by not shying away from Katsuki’s flaws and failings, and having him take full responsibility for them, Horikoshi keeps the apology from being self-serving, and underscores the true depth of Katsuki’s character development. the level of self-awareness he has here is something most people can only dream of. which is very fitting, as that’s perhaps the most important takeaway from his character arc -- that it’s only by acknowledging your own weaknesses and flaws that you can learn to overcome them and reach your full potential.

one last thing to point out here, which is that in the panel where Katsuki finally acknowledges his terrible treatment of Deku, Deku is not even visible. instead, Horikoshi drew the panel from a perspective that makes it appear that Katsuki is addressing this particular line not just to Deku, but to all of his classmates.

again, he shows him taking full responsibility and admitting his wrongdoings in front of the people whose opinions and approval he cares about most. and just to clarify in case there’s any confusion from Caleb’s translation, Kacchan’s wording makes it very clear that he wasn’t just “mean” to Deku, but that he full-on bullied him (he uses the same verb -- “ijimeru” (苛める) -- that he did back in chapter 284). there’s no attempt to downplay his actions here.

moving on now, this chapter also reaffirmed another thing about Deku and Kacchan’s relationship which I was glad to see revisited -- Kacchan’s unwavering belief in Deku’s ability. this is one of those paradoxical things about their relationship which I’ve always been fascinated by, but which is also kind of hard to explain, because I don’t want it to come off like I’m trying to put a positive spin on something which was unequivocally awful. like, please don’t think I’m trying to say that Katsuki’s bullying of Deku was in any way a good thing. but that being said, there’s also a strange irony at play here, which is that Katsuki’s jealousy and insecurity also betray the fact that even at his very worst, he never once underestimated Deku. he has always believed in Deku’s strength, even when that strength pissed him off and made him afraid and uneasy.

no one else -- not All Might, or even Deku’s own mom -- believed from the get-go that Deku could become a hero. but Katsuki never once counted him out, even when he was calling him a pebble in his shoe. he confesses here that even though he “tried to act superior by rejecting [Deku]”, in truth he was never able to shake the feeling that Deku was above him. long before he ever understood the concept of “win to save”, he knew instinctively that there was a strength in Deku’s heart that couldn’t be measured, and which had the potential to surpass even his own strength. and I’ve always felt that this was so important, because it’s the one aspect of their early relationship that hinted that on some level, however subconscious, Katsuki held the same type of faith in Deku that Deku always held in him. it was one of the few things that hinted at there being a possible path towards reconciliation one day. and it paved the way for the most important shift in their relationship to date, when Katsuki finally realized who Deku got his quirk from, and responded not with resentment or spite, but with acceptance.

moving on, I also really love the way we see them portrayed at the different stages of their childhood throughout this speech, and how it perfectly lines up with the dialogue. from small children (when Katsuki talks about his insecurities first manifesting), to middle schoolers (when he talks about the bullying), to high schoolers (when he talks about the past year and everything he’s learned at U.A.). Horikoshi really didn’t have to go that hard, but he did, and that’s why we love him.

and then we finally get to That Part.

where do I even start with this there are so many things omg.

the bow. this is the one and only time Katsuki has ever bowed to anyone of his own volition as far as I recall. and this absolutely is a bow, just to be clear, even though his form is straight-up garbage (very Kacchan-esque, with his feet and arms spaced apart because he’s still a punk after all). this is Kacchan showing more humility and respect than he’s ever shown to anyone else in his entire life.

regarding “Izuku”, I actually have mixed feelings about this to tell the truth. I think it was a good call here because it was incredibly effective in setting the tone and showing just how serious Kacchan is. however if he continues to use “Izuku” rather than “Deku” from here on out, that would give the impression in hindsight that all his past usage of “Deku” really was meant as an insult, which would undermine some of my favorite scenes. I would really like to believe that since DvK2 or thereabouts, Kacchan has (mostly) been using “Deku (affectionate)” rather than “Deku (useless loser)”, lol. but if he switches to the “nicer” name on a permanent basis following his apology, it implies that the previous nickname was indeed being used cruelly. and so honestly I hope this was just a one-time thing, because I do think that in Katsuki’s mind, the name “Deku” hasn’t been meant as a slight to him for a long time now.

“my truth/this is what I truly feel” -- the word Katsuki uses in Japanese is honne (本音), and if you’re familiar with the concept of honne/tatemae, that’s the same “honne” he’s talking about here. it means that he’s casting aside all of his walls and facades and expressing what he truly feels. and of course, one of the fascinating things about Katsuki’s character is that he’s the exact opposite of most people in that he chooses to put his meanness on full display to the public, and ironically it’s the kindest parts of himself which he tends to keep the most carefully guarded and hidden away. this also means that while his rage and anger are very often insincere and put on just for show, those relatively few occasions where he lets his humanity truly shine through are pretty much 100% genuine, as is the case with this one here.

and Deku’s face says it all when it comes to how powerful those moments can be as a result.

and this, right here, is why it wasn’t enough for Katsuki to atone solely through his actions, and why he needed to actually say the words as well. it’s not that the words are more important; obviously the actions are far and away the most important part, and carry far more meaning. but the reason why Katsuki needed to say the words as well is simply because Izuku needed to hear them. needed to, and deserved to, because this is one of the most important people in the world to him.

and so he deserves to know that the relationship isn’t just one-sided, and that he is just as important to Kacchan as Kacchan is to him. he deserves to know that Kacchan understands how horribly he treated him, and that he’s sorry for it. and he deserves to know that Kacchan, without any expectation of it changing their relationship -- meaning that he will continue to feel this way regardless of what Izuku says or does from here on out -- cares about him. now more than ever, with AFO out there doing everything in his power to make Izuku feel as alone as possible, this is something that he really, really needed to hear.

so this part has some interesting wordplay which neither Caleb’s translation nor the fan scanlation was really able to get across. basically, in the Japanese version, when Katsuki talks about “those ideals”, Horikoshi uses the kanji for “ideal”, but pronounces it as “All Might.” obviously the meaning of this isn’t too hard to decipher, as we all know how much both boys admire All Might. to them, he absolutely is synonymous with the Ideal. so this is a way of showing that respect they both have towards him, even as Katsuki goes on to point out the one fatal flaw that All Might was never able to overcome.

and speaking of interesting wording, as others have noted, at this point in his speech Katsuki switches from “temee” (which he was using earlier during the “your strengths and my weaknesses” part) to “omae” (“omae” being a less insulting word for “you”, though still very manly and tough-sounding), which is definitely a big deal. though fwiw this is not the first time he’s used “omae” for Deku (he switches to it briefly right after DvK2, when he tells Deku “you had the strongest guy lay the groundwork for you -- don’t lose”, and then later when they’re walking back to the dorms and he says he’ll learn and get stronger by watching everyone around him just like Deku did). it’s definitely a good choice on Horikoshi’s part though, as it makes this last part of the speech sound more earnest and sincere.

just a quick note, he does indeed use a plural pronoun here, as in “the obstacles that you can’t overcome, we will overcome.” but as @pikahlua​ pointed out, the “we” here is ambiguous -- it could either mean “we” as in class 1-A -- “we will overcome them for you” -- OR it could mean “we” as in all of them -- class 1-A and Deku. “we will overcome them together.” idk about you, but I know which one gets my vote.

anyway, and so this is the line that finally wins Deku over and allows him to let go of his fears, however briefly. what I love about this is Kacchan’s utter conviction. one thing that Caleb’s translation doesn’t quite get across is Kacchan’s use of the word morenaku -- “without exception” -- when he talks about how they’re going to save everyone and win. it echoes that same sentiment he showed back during the Joint Training arc -- that it’s not a perfect victory unless they save everyone. every last person. and he explicitly lists Deku among their number, just so there can be no doubt.

and Deku’s response to this (or at least his thoughts, since he’s not really able to get many words out) pretty much brings everything full circle here.

he acknowledges that everyone else has gotten ahead of him. which is especially meaningful given who he’s standing directly across from. because for most of the series, as we all well know, it’s been Kacchan who was woefully lagging behind Deku in the character growth department. but now Deku himself is acknowledging that not only has Kacchan finally caught up at last, but that he and the others have surpassed him. which is only temporary, I should add, as I have zero doubt that Deku will catch up again soon. but the fact remains that just as Deku’s rapid increase in strength and skill left Kacchan scrambling to keep up earlier in the series, Kacchan’s extraordinary character development has now left Deku in that same position. as All Might once put it, “when he’s starting at level one, and you’re already at level 50, it’s only natural that you’ll be growing at different rates.”

and what’s so wonderful about this though is that the two of them are finally approaching that point where they’ve both caught up to each other and are finally starting to level out. Deku is a full-on badass, and Kacchan is out here talk-no-jutsuing with the best of them. the two of them have been chasing and chasing after each other this entire time, and now they’re finally just about ready to meet in the middle at long last, with each of them fully embodying both of those two crucial aspects -- win, and save.

just about. because Deku still needs some help catching up. but seeing as help has already been offered -- and accepted -- I can’t imagine it will be very long now, and I can’t wait to see him finally overcoming those fears and doubts with his friends by his side. it’s going to be such a powerful moment.

and last but not least,

or, as I prefer,

you had one job, Caleb. flkjsdlk.

but at least this provides a good opportunity to note that unlike the “we’ll help you handle it” line earlier in the speech, here the phrasing is left up to interpretation, as he doesn’t use a pronoun. so it could be “we know”, or, as the fan scanlation put it, “I know.” or it could be both. regardless, it’s good stuff.

anyway, and so Deku passes out, and in the process Horikoshi gives us one last parting metaphor, just in case anyone still thinks Kacchan is all talk because they haven’t been paying attention for the past 322 chapters (more likely than you think). once again, Katsuki’s actions speak louder than his words (even his nice words) ever could: he is literally there to catch Deku when he falls.

so that’s it! my sincere thanks to anyone who actually read through all of my endless ramblings about this scene which I have been waiting for since day one. props to Horikoshi for taking on an impossibly difficult task, and pulling it off with all of the emotion and care and nuance that I’ve come to expect from his writing. imo he delivered on every single level with the exception of the aftermath, which I don’t consider to have actually happened yet. Deku’s part of this is definitely a “to be continued.” but yeah, as far as Kacchan’s part goes, 10/10. so fucking proud of this kid.

[tennessoui]

You kind of already did 31 but pleaseeeeeeee

these ficlets keep getting longer ffs this is 2k

31. One is a sex worker, the other is a client AU

anakin's had his turn as a sex worker in my writing so it's Obi-Wan this time, paired with Vaderkin and i made it more dark than I thought would happen whoops but. warnings are: probably bordering extremely dubious consent even though no sex happens and this is just the lead up. a brief reference to underage sex work, though absolutely nothing comes of it. and vaderkin being a bit creepy.

There is a saying among the workers at the Establishment: if the imperial palace calls for you, you should hope the person that is displayed next to you is prettier.

Obi-Wan has never bought into prayers of any kind and this saying is only ever said with something akin to a worshipful dread. Still, when Ahsoka drapes a cloak of red around his shoulders and whispers those words to him—“May the others be your betters”—he thinks for a second about the nature of prayer and of hope and the futility of both in this galaxy.

“Don’t worry, little ‘Soka,” he smiles from under the cloak’s hood. “I’m sure it’s just a mistake.” He is, after all, one of the oldest workers here, makes most of his money these days tending bar and running the front desk, called in to serve mostly for virgin customers who want a gentler and more experienced hand to guide them in the art of pleasure. He doesn’t think any of the words could be used to describe the Emperor Vader, can’t see the imposing black-suited man interested in the art of pleasure.

Ahsoka can’t look him in the eye, but she hugs him tightly as he boards the shuttle that will take him to the Palace.

The ride there is quiet. Obi-Wan tries to avoid as many glances from the other people as he gives to them. Most of them are young, human. He seems to be the only male above 40. His chances are good.

Maybe he hadn’t been lying to Ahsoka. Maybe, truly, his name being included on the list had been a mistake

Something inside him hesitates though. He’d been out in the Upper levels a week ago, making his way home after one of his rare appointments with an old client turned friend. A child had fallen into the path of a small parade of speeders. A correctional officer had raised a whip. Obi-Wan had reacted on instinct, catching its lash with his forearm. The child had run off. Obi-Wan had stayed. He’d raised his head just enough, eons later, to see the durasteel outside of the largest speeder pass by his prone form, just enough to see the Imperial crest on its hull. Just for long enough to see a glint of a yellow eye from the window.

Bacta had treated his wounds, but his mind had not allowed him to rest easily, caught up in the memory of that eye--had he imagined the interest? Had he imagined it all?

And so to hear his name called tonight--the first calling since The Incident--had felt like the confirmation of all of his most unfounded fears.

Would tonight be the night he died? He had lived a long life. A rough one. Perhaps it is time.

Still, in the back of his head, a selfish, utterly human part of him whispered, may the others be your betters.

---

Those chosen do, often, come back. Sometimes they do not. Mostly they do. Obi-Wan has never truly decided which of these fates is the worse one. Those who survive don’t say anything for days on end, their eyes blank as they stare forward. Their bruises, if they are there, are easy to heal. But something is always wrong with their minds afterwards. And those who don’t come back...well. It’s hard to say what happens to them, where they go. Far away or down below.

Obi-Wan is forced to his knees in between a moderately aged female Togruta and a fairly young teenager. The boy is shaking. He can’t be more than sixteen.

They’re in the Entrance Hall. Obi-Wan has never been here before, but he supposes it makes sense. There will be one person who ventures further into the Palace. The rest will be dismissed out the doors that just shut. No need to bring the scum further in than they have to.

Distantly, like a funeral drum, Obi-Wan can hear the sound of feet falling, making their way closer. Just a single pair. He wants to look up, to watch the Emperor--because it has to be the Emperor--approach, but there’s a Guard behind him, holding his head down.

The footsteps are close now. There’s only ten of them--sometimes, Obi-Wan has heard that there can be as many as twenty or thirty--so the line is short. Vader paces quietly from the first to the last person, before stopping in the middle. Obi-Wan can just see the black of his boots if he flicks his eyes as far as they can go to the left. The boy next to him lets out a muffled sob. Obi-Wan wishes he could offer the kid some sort of comfort, some sort of reassurance that the Emperor will choose one of the other workers, a body more desirable than either of theirs, but there are no words to describe the guilty relief of a suffering passed onto someone else.

On some sort of invisible signal, the Guard behind Obi-Wan wrenches his head back by the hold he has on both the silken hood and his own hair. It’s far from comfortable, tilted so far back. The message is obvious. Submission is not optional. Respect will be shown through any means necessary.

Obi-Wan tries to keep the hulking form of Vader in his eyesight, even though to see ahead of him he has to close his eyes almost completely because of the angle. It’s impossible to see anything from the chest up, but he can still hear. Loud, mechanical breathing fills the halls. Vader stops at each person for no longer than five seconds before he continues down the line. Obi-Wan holds his breath, waiting for his turn. Does he turn his head as much as he can, to try and accentuate the gray at his temples? Does he lower his eyes?

He doesn’t, in the end, do either. Vader is wearing a mask, completely covering his face. He doesn’t even look human, except for the way he cocks his head slightly as he stares down at Obi-Wan. He feels flayed, just under the single look, but he can’t turn away either. He glowers up at him. Five seconds pass. Vader should be moving on by now. The fact that he hasn’t fills Obi-Wan with the sort of fear he’s only felt a handful of times in his life.

“This one,” Vader says through a voice modulator. Obi-Wan closes his eyes in defeat, thinks of Little Ahsoka back at the Establishment, thinks of what she’ll think if he doesn’t make it home.

But the boy next to him bursts into sobs and Obi-Wan opens his eyes to see that Vader’s hand isn’t pointing to him at all, but instead just to his right.

But Vader’s face is still pointed directly at Obi-Wan though, head still cocked. The question is as clear as if he actually spoke the words aloud. What will you do about this?

What will he do? What can he do? It’s the street from a week ago all over. A child is in danger. How can Obi-Wan ever live with himself if he doesn’t at least try to throw himself on the blade?

“No!” he says before he can think it through. The Guard behind him jerks his hair back roughly in punishment, but the monster in front of him runs two gloved fingers down his cheek, the pantomime of a lover’s caress. “Me instead. Choose me.”

“Quiet,” the Guard hisses to him, making him wince with the ferocity of the yank he gives his hair. Obi-Wan pants open-mouthed as he tries to think of an argument, of a single reason why the Emperor should not get what he wants, should settle for a washed up whore instead of a younger model. All he can think of is the moral justifications of it, and he’s not sure Vader would care for that line of reasoning.

“I’m asking,” he blurts out. The fingers pause from where they’ve been absent-mindedly touching his beard. “When has anyone ever asked?”

The Emperor takes a step back and seems to consider Obi-Wan, what he has to offer. He tries to preen, to throw his shoulders back and sit back on his heels to show off his body, but it’s hard when the Guard hasn’t let up on his hair. In fact the grip gets even tighter as the man behind him snorts a common insult.

A second later, the hand and the pressure disappear. Obi-Wan falls forward automatically at his sudden release. He scrambles away instinctively, even if that means closer to Vader. Vader who has his hand raised out in front of him clenching his gloved fist tight. Obi-Wan looks behind him at the guard who had held him. The man is scrabbling at his throat. Obi-Wan knows already it will be a futile effort. With Vader distracted by his execution, he turns to check on the boy. He’s looking down, refusing to make eye contact.

Probably for the better.

The Guard falls to the floor. The other nine Guards don’t move at all. Obi-Wan supposes there’s no room for loyalty in a galaxy like this.

“Come,” Vader says, running a hand through his hair. It’s a surprisingly gentle touch, seeing as that hand just took someone else’s life.

Slowly, Obi-Wan rises to his feet and follows behind him, through the twisting halls of the Imperial Palace. He thinks anyone could get lonely here if they have no one to keep them company. It’s so big. Obi-Wan shares his room with three other people, and he frets if one of them is still gone by the time he falls asleep.

This much space would drive anyone mad for another’s touch.

He blinks at himself, incredulous. Is he actually trying to feel compassion for the Emperor? Is it actually working?

The Emperor flings open a pair of elaborate doors without touching them, and suddenly Obi-Wan’s in the bedchambers of the most powerful man on the planet. And to think, he’s wearing mismatched and terribly darned socks.

He resolves to not ask Vader for permission to do anything with his own body for the entire night. He sits on the edge of the bed and watches as Vader takes off his cape and his gloves.

“Would you like to know my prices before or after?” He asks as cooly as possible.

“Your price is that it’s you here and not the boy.”

“Would you have wanted the boy?” Obi-Wan can’t hide the disgust in his tone.

“No,” the Emperor says succinctly. “But I did want to know what you would do. If you really were the same man as the one in the street.”

Obi-Wan’s breath catches in his throat. “Why would you want to know that?”

“There’s so little good left in the galaxy. It’s fascinating that so much is concentrated in you.” Vader reaches up to unlatch his mask. A cascade of golden curls falls out.

He huffs. The Emperor of the Galactic Empire thinks there’s not enough good in the galaxy. It’s at the very least ironic. “It’s a greedy galaxy, your Imperial Majesty--”

The Emperor turns around to face him, helmet still held in his hands. Obi-Wan is surprised to learn he’s just a man. An attractive man, certainly, young and almost pretty with a perfect arch to his lips and a roguish scar cutting through a thick eyebrow. If he had been one of Obi-Wan’s workers, he’d have taken him under his wing, tried to protect him from the clients who would have paid extra to rough up that face.

He was saying something. Obi-Wan had meant to say something else. Oh. Right. “Good cannot be bought.”

The man in front of him--was it really Vader?--smiles, but it doesn’t reach his yellow eyes. “No,” he purrs, discarding his helmet and stalking forward. “But you can.”

[gch1995]

Its like they cant accept that victims can be bad or deeply flawed people.

Just because something worse happened to them doesnt lessen their wrongdoings. (though sometimes it feels like it does)

Same as their wrongdoings dont make them victims any less.

Yep! The Jedi apologists can all accept that Anakin Skywalker was a victim who eventually also became an enabler and perpetrator of systematic abuse, enslavement, and war crimes that he got taught to rationalize as “necessary” and “for the greater good” by those with power over him because he becomes their enemy Darth Vader. Regardless of the compromised agency of a lifetime of abuse, conditioning for subservience and weaponry in slavery and two space soldier cults, emotional negligence, poor emotional/mental health (PTSD symptoms), physical disability, and oppression under corrupt and morally hypocritical authority figures his whole life, it is still ultimately always made clear that he always had a conscience, which he ultimately made a decision to disregard after going dark in his fear of the unknown, fear of being hurt, fear of abandonment, personal insecurities, and self-loathing until his son came along for the next 23 years.

Yeah, Anakin’s ability of taking the chance to do better were always risky, he had PTSD symptoms, the dark side was like a drug addiction, he was conditioned and manipulated by both of these space soldier cults his whole life, and I can see why he genuinely felt convinced he didn’t have a choice but to keep serving these corrupt authority figures as a weapon. I do think some sort of diminished responsibility criminal defense could potentially be raised for Anakin in real life because of all that. However, within the narrative, it is also made consistently clear that Anakin Skywalker is also his own worst enemy in his arrogant overconfidence in his skills and power, fear of the unknown, self-loathing, selfishness, and eventual apathy to even try to do better after going dark and losing those he loved, too, so he’s not wholly innocent by reason of insanity. He had a conscience, which he ultimately made a decision to disregard after going dark until Luke came along, not just because of the compromised agency, but also because he was too afraid to make the effort to fight for his rights and too deeply entrenched in his own self-loathing.

Anakin was always a victim of corrupt and oppressive authority his whole life with compromised agency that never allowed for him to guarantee safety doing any better, so it’s not entirely his fault he became Vader and remained under Sidious for as long as he did, but he still became a victimizer who willingly committed monstrous deeds against countless innocent people as Vader for 23 years because he was too deeply entrenched in his own anger, fear, hatred, and self-loathing to even try. Thus, he was worthy of condemnation for his crimes. Not as bad as the ones he got at the Revenge of the Sith but like 10-20 year imprisonment term with proper therapy and/or a clean and quick death penalty from Obi Wan on Mustafar when he got the high ground. However, redemption/atonement is something that he is still only allowed to seek at the end because he accepts that he did become a villain, not just because of those with power over him abusing him, oppressing him, and manipulating him for their own ends, but because he also became too selfish to even try to do any better in his fear of the unknown and self-loathing. He still had a conscience and accepted that the horrible means he used against others over the years were not valid justifications to achieve worthy ends, which is why he was able to gain that forgiveness from Luke.

Yet, this fandom can’t accept that the adults in the Jedi Order and the Republic government of the prequels were deeply flawed people who became enablers and perpetrators of systematic classism, child abuse, child murder, child endangerment, child conscription and/or grooming for politics and law enforcement, slavery on the outer rims, and other human rights violations and war crimes which they got taught and/or convinced themselves was “necessary evil for the greater good” to cover up as an excuse in their arrogant overconfidence, fear of the unknown, and fear of taking a risk to do any better, even before Palpatine got elected as Chancellor of their senate.

Even after Palpatine became Chancellor, though, if we’re going to apply the same “guilty of enabling and perpetuating horrible crimes but also a victim of grooming and oppression with compromised agency” standard to Anakin Skywalker/Darth Vader for his crimes under the Jedi and Palpatine because he still had a conscience, and learned to use that “greater good” mantra as an excuse for the atrocities he committed and/or enabled to try to achieve what he believed were worthy ends since he eventually became too afraid to try, regardless of the odds against him, then the adults with power over him in the Jedi Order and Republic of his time get the same sentence for their systematic enablement and perpetration of crimes and human rights violations “for the greater good,” regardless of the grooming under Palpatine because they all had consciences they decided to disregard out of fear, too.

Not to mention the fact that the adults in the Jedi Order and Republic were already enabling and perpetrating systematic corruption that they deemed “necessary” in their fear of the unknown, even before Palpatine came along. Anakin started out as a good boy who only became a genuinely dangerous and emotionally/mentally unstable human disaster after the Jedi Council of alleged “space soldier therapists” took him from his only good parent, left her in slavery, isolated him, oppressed him, taught him to use lethal weapons as a child, taught him slavery was “okay” on the outer rims where he came from, and taught him having regular human feelings of ambition, anger, concern for loved ones, desire, and fear were things to be completely denied for the next ten years he was under Obi Wan.

Are they directly responsible for Anakin’s crimes against their order as an adult, and did their entire Order deserve what he did? No, of course not, especially not the kids. However, Obi Wan and the Council of Jedi were his legal guardians, he seemed like a good boy before he got involved with their space police cult, and the Council all had positions of power over him which they were too afraid to use kindly and wisely in their fear of the unknown. Thus, they contributed to his downfall. It would not be possible if they hadn’t sucked. Their treatment, missions, and training methods of Anakin and their recruits would have continued to play out in a similarly abusive, corrupt, dangerous, isolating, and toxic manner, even without Palpatine elected as Chancellor to implement the clone wars, so they have a hand in causing the downfall of their own Order and Republic almost as much as he did in power.

As much as their overall Order and government didn’t deserve Chancellor Palpatine, the clone wars, Darth Maul, Darth Vader, and Order 66, though, the adults in the Jedi and Republic didn’t need for those people and factors to be involved in the prequels for their governments/organizations to ultimately go down. They were already corrupt in a number of ways that was inevitably going to lead to their own destruction soon enough.

Even before Palpatine was elected as Chancellor, I can completely understand why Jedi would grow resentful of living that life of completely oppressive and subservient emotional/individual denial of self under Yoda in service “to the greater good” of the Republic, especially if I were in Anakin’s shoes, which most of us would be, and had just enough experience and memories of real life outside of their cult to realize it was abusive, isolating, exceedingly restrictive, morally hypocritical, and soul crushing trying to live in total emotional/individual denial and/or secrecy because I wasn’t allowed to have normal human connections, emotional expression, and personal freedoms without being made to feel like shit all the time by the rest of them for trying to be human like the rest of the “democracy” they claimed to be serving of their Republic.

I can totally understand why people like Anakin, his mother, and the other people in slavery on Tatooine and the other planets on the outer rims would grow to hate the Jedi Order and Republic who claimed to be “dedicated to democracy.”

I can completely understand why it is unwise to train children under the age of 18 to use lethal weapons. Yeah, children being soldiers has happened historically before in real life, too, and look how that turned out. A lot of them also developed antisocial behaviors, anxiety, attachment disorders, C-PTSD/PTSD, separation anxiety, and all of these other issues, too.

Palpatine was a monster who no one in the old Republic and Jedi Order deserved. However, while these characters all were also his victims with at least somewhat compromised agency as a result, the Jedi Order and Republic of the prequels were already on a path towards self-destruction before he even got elected, too. It wasn’t going to change, unless more of them became brave enough to take a risk to take a risk to make a change and do the right thing. Sadly, they weren’t because they were too deeply entrenched in their own arrogance, denial, and fear of the unknown.

It’s also just a lack of understanding of basic human psychology from this fandom. Are there bad people in the world out there who do horrible things for petty spite and shits and giggles? Absolutely. However, many people who become enablers and/or perpetrators of abuse, crime, classism, corruption, oppression, and other wrongdoings aren’t out there consciously creating misery for others because they genuinely enjoy it. Many of them are and/or once were victims of and/or witnesses to similar abuse, crime, classism, corruption, and oppression by others in their environment who taught them to normalize it as “for the greater good,” “necessary evil,” “for your own good,” and so on, which they then went on to enable and perpetrate themselves as adults because it was an easier and safer way to achieve worthy ends under pressure than taking the risk to do better when odds seem to be against them to be safe doing better, and they genuinely convince themselves they don’t have a choice.

[autisticandroids]

yeah actually can we talk more about how fucked up it is that Cas gives this massive love confession that essentially serves as an all-encompassing justification for Dean's behavior....30 mins after Dean tried to kill his son again. I've ranted about this multiple times with friends who never watched supernatural (rip to them) but it deeply bothers me that cas says dean is selfless after dean's EXPLICITLY selfish monologue the previous episode. and I'm not saying cas doesn't believe what he said, bc he does idealize and justify dean, but his line in the sand has been jack for well over a season at this point, so it feels incredibly disjointed. i could see him doing a similar confession at literally any point other than that time (12x12 my beloved) but they just act as though cas wouldn't have an emotional reaction to dean's visible emotional abuse of Jack around that episode, and to me that's bullshit. sometimes i wake up and feel real rage over the timing of cas's confession, and the fact that there's no reckoning with Dean's abuse when 15x09 shows a Cas who's starting to express real, deeply felt resentment towards Dean's behavior. you probably have your own, different, issues with the scene's timing and content than i do but WOW yeah I'm still pissed

yeah i'm like. pissed about it for cas' sake because i feel like cas could have given dean that speech at almost any point in the narrative but "immediately after unity" was one of the very few places where it was kind of iffy, for all the reasons you said. like if despair was going to be a solid follow up to the trap then dean needed to actually follow through on the trap, you know?

but i'm also pissed about it for dean's sake because like. that speech was in fact meant to give him character development but it wasn't useful for that. i've said this before but "you are the most selfless, loving human being i will ever know" isn't really something dean needs to hear. in fact, praising him for being selfless is probably actively detrimental to his wellbeing. if that speech was meant to push him into some kind of character development, i.e., if cas' death was going to have any kind of meaningful effect on the narrative, he should have said something else. i vote for telling dean that he's loved and that not everything is his responsibility because that would be world-shaking for dean.

essentially the speech as it is now is just like. a reaffirmation of their relationship, and a love confession. it has no other meaningful effect on the narrative because the only affecting information it contained was "cas is in love with dean."

and i know it's kind of weird to be like "but what about DEAN'S character development" about cas' dying speech but like. it was clearly intended both in universe and out to further dean's character development. and it failed to do that. and that means that cas' death had no meaningful effect on the narrative whatsoever. at least if it had been about something that dean needed to hear dean could have been like "cas died telling me this, that means i have to listen to him."

[majimemegoro]

kiryu meta, remastered

im reposting & remastering this because its one of my most important posts but for some reason never shows up in searches and i need to be able to find it sometimes. im making some minor changes and additions but ill put a link to the original in the reblogs. also the codeword is whackusbonkus and thats what ill search if i ever cant find this on my blog. also i am censoring any words that tumblr might think are Bad Words, again to make the post more likely to show up in my blog search.

*HERE BE SPOILERS FOR KIWAMI 2/Y2* 

I wrote the original in response to an anonymous ask that said:

I finished YK2 and while I loved it, that ending got me rolling my eyes and sighing "UGH MEN". Massive [no] measuring context ever. What was the point? And don't get me started with the "Haruka will understand". Understand what Kiryu? That instead of taking the elevator, get to a hospital and save yourself you decided to have a pointless fight that served no purpose or whatsoever knowing full well you would leave her alone in this world? Like, I get that’s not the true ending. But damn it’s just such a stupid move. Kiryu I love you but that was dumb as [dumb]. (SORRY FOR THE RANT)          

now buckle your seatbelt this is where the rambling starts. OK SO I totally get where you’re coming from and I think your criticisms are totally legitimate, but i actually had a completely different reaction to this part and i consider it one of the best ending sequences in the series (if not the best). Ill try to explain why.

For me, Y2 is the story of kiryu trying to die.

We see him go to meet with the omi when everyone is telling him its certain death. we see him trying to get kaoru to take his life as some kind of stupid reparation for his negligible involvement in the death of her parents at the age of twelve. (TWELVE.) we see him pull a knife out of his gut wound. then at the end theres a) the fight with ryuji and b) the fact that he doesn’t take the chance to leave before the bomb goes off. there might be other examples but i can’t remember. So over the whole game we watch kiryu trying to die, at first in the service of “worthwhile” projects, in the service of utility and honor, but none of it pans out and we see his self-destructive behavior gradually become more pointless, e.g., the knife. but hes still alive.

then in the ending sequence at the top of kamurocho hills, we reach the - in a way natural - conclusion of that. kiryu is left with the absolute thinnest justification for seeking death, a sort of existentially (in the sense of the specific philosophy) valuable activity that is valuable/honorable/meaningful at all only because he decides it is. only because he can’t see beyond not wanting to live. only because he knows that going out with dignity in the midst of a crisis is a “good” way to die. so he gives up on even pretending to have altruistic motivations and he admits to himself at least on some level that, yeah, he wants to help people, but he also wants to die. and people have been helped - the day has been saved as much as it could be - so now he can die.

I think thats why he stays to fight ryuji. on some level it is absolutely a shallow machismo contest, but its also kiryu grabbing onto the only thing he can see that has meaning. its also kiryu getting a way out that will feel strong and dignified and almost metaphysically important. it’s su*cidal ideation masquerading as thymos. physical combat makes an apt stand-in for meaningful activity because it is inherently tied to life and death: physical combat can make a division between life and death, and life and death are important, so fighting ryuji must be important too, right? and then he can die, right? and then-

and yeah, he’s going to be leaving haruka behind. he doesn’t have a justification for that. but i think he really can’t see beyond just wanting things to stop.

is it selfish? yes, in a way. is it psychologically compelling? I say absolutely.

YOU’RE WELCOME FOR THE RANT

(interestingly, I think the soundtrack supports this interpretation - A Scattered Moment is NOT the background music for an *purgatory announcer voice* EPIC MANLINESS CONTEST !!! its the background music for something that is sad and almost beautiful - something trying to be beautiful - and impossible to stop.)

[agent-cupcake]

Hey AC! I love your blog and was wondering if I could get your opinion on something. I've seen some people complaining that Ingrid and Hilda are treated by the fandom, with Ingrid stans saying that Hilda is also racist towards Almyrans (which, granted, she is) but doesn't get nearly as much hate about it as Ingrid does. But personally I feel like their attitudes and the way they react towards Dedue/Cyril are wildly different and Hilda generally seems less hateful/irrational about it. Thoughts?

This is... kind of a touchy topic... I like it though! It’s worth discussing, especially since I feel like it’s broke criticism to simply deflect blame onto a character in order to prop up another.  Full and obvious disclosure: I very much dislike Ingrid and very much love Hilda. That said, I don’t think it’s fair to compare them for the sake of which is worse. I fall into the trap of character criticism through comparison far too often and it's not really valid unless you can fully explore each character in their own right beforehand. Which is why, while writing this, I came to the conclusion that the ways these two characters are interpreted and the reason people view their racist tendencies differently has far more to do with the characters themselves than their actual beliefs.

From first impressions to subsequent playthroughs, this is pretty much how I feel about Ingrid: she brings up her hatred of the Duscur people and Dedue unprompted and uncontested several times at the very beginning of the game, putting it front and center to her character. This is important, it sets a foundational component for how I could come to view her. According to her introduction, she is honorable and respectful, a model lady knight trope. But, as mentioned, she's really racist. Literally standing around thinking about how awful it is that Dimitri would trust a man of Duscur because they are all bad people. Yikes. And nobody calls her on it. Again, this is very important for perception. People judge Sylvain for his bad behavior in a much more harsh way than they do Ingrid for her vitriolic loathing for another classmate who we have seen as nothing but respectful. It's weird. And then, despite the fact that her close friend Sylvain was able to reason out that it’s not possible for the Duscur people to be at fault for the Tragedy, despite the fact that the prince of the country she supposedly hopes to serve with unwavering respect and loyalty has made it clear that he does not believe that Dedue or Duscar are responsible for the Tragedy, and despite the fact that Dimitri, her close friend and the one most affected by the Tragedy (seriously, she lost a guy she might have married and he lost his best friend, mother, and watched his father be killed in front of his eyes) continuously insists that neither Dedue nor Duscur are at fault, she loudly and openly believes that the ensuing massacre of Duscur was deserved and Dedue is inherently culpable simply because of his race. Her motivations for this hatred feel even more cheap considering her dogged hero worship for Glenn was born out of the fact that she was promised to him, making the fact that she’d use his death as reason enough for the destruction of countless innocent lives even more unsympathetic in my eyes. I mean, seriously, she was around 13 and he was older than her, how close could they have truly been? Dimitri says they were in love, but she was a child. Abandoning my modern sensibilities about age of consent or whatever, kids at that age don't have the emotional or mental capability. Maybe this is just nitpicking, but I have a very hard time caring about that relationship. But, if her actual justification is because of what happened to Faerghus as a result of the Tragedy and feels duty-bound as a knight to find justice through the systematic destruction of the Duscur people, then it just circles back to confusion considering the future leader of said country doesn't hold Duscur or Dedue responsible. The importance of perception comes in because despite these paper thin excuses and her seemingly willfully ignorant hatred, she is never challenged on her racist beliefs. The reason she seems to change her mind about Dedue and consider that maybe excusing a genocide is wrong stems from guilt that Dedue continuously comes to her aid in battle at the potential cost of his own life. I can understand, to a certain extent, why she might feel the way she does. But, again, I have such a hard time with any justification when nobody that she's close to is even nearly as hateful as her, there is plenty of evidence (evidence that the people close to her have found!) to provide a very reasonable counterclaim to Duscur's guilt, and that none of that even matters when it would require her to openly contradict the prince of her country to make the claim that Dedue was in any way complicit in the Tragedy. Which would be fine if she wasn't established as the model Lady Knight archetype, which also brings us into Ingrid's moral high horse. Admittedly, I hate the Lady Knight trope. I have a significant bias against these types of characters. However, I really do think that this moral crusade is where she lost me completely. Without even a shred of empathy or self awareness, she lectures Sylvain about his shitty behavior even though their circumstances are at least somewhat similar and he has his reasons (bad ones, maybe, but ones worth understanding if she actually cares about him), she lectures Felix about not being interested in knightly endeavors (an aspect of his character that is born of the trauma she has appropriated), and she lectures Claude about behavior that is befitting of a man in his position. Not because she cares about the girls Sylvain is hurting, not because she thinks there are any grave stakes from Felix choosing to do his own thing, and not because she knows that Claude's behavior affects his ability to lead, but because she doesn't like these behaviors and thinks they should be fixed. Yet, at the same time, she believes Dedue deserved to lose his family, country, and culture based on his birth and nobody ever does anything to morally correct her, it is something she eventually is forced to acknowledge on her own. It's frustrating, infuriating even, that the game lets her get away with being so grossly hypocritical. And, all the while, she is being painted as sympathetic. Again, I have a hard time feeling sympathy for her about Glenn, and I certainty don't feel sympathetic towards her issues about marriage because there's never any actual tension there. Of course she won't be forced to marry, she's a Lady Knight. Beyond being unsympathetic, I also find her massively unlikable. Awful design, poor voice direction, food-loving-as-a-personality-trait, the fact that she's written as one of those stock "feminist" characters who hate makeup and girly things until it benefits them, and constantly butting in on other characters to give her opinion without taking any criticism herself are all aspects that I just personally dislike. Ultimately, Ingrid being racist is only a symptom of the many reasons her character is one of my least favorites. Most of these points can be countered by someone who doesn't take issue with the things that annoy me and to point out that Ingrid DOES get over her racist beliefs. It's not fair to say that she doesn't change but, for me, the damage was already done by the time she became tolerable so I still have a hard time appreciating her. My assumption would be that there are a lot of other people who feel similarly to me regarding their dislike of Ingrid so they focus on one easy character flaw, her being racist at the beginning of the game, as a reason to validate their dislike of her overall.

On the other hand, Hilda's racism isn't a main trait of her character. It's related to her overarching character flaws, but she doesn't bring it up unprompted and can actually be pretty much missed without the Cyrill supports. Like you said, Hilda does seem less hateful and irrational, it doesn't take willful malice and an active rejection of reason for Hilda to dislike the Almyrans, they pose a genuine and provable threat to her family and territory, seemingly senselessly testing the borders and throwing away lives for the sake of conquest. To be clear, her "you're not like those OTHER Almyrans" schtick is legitimately nasty. Her behavior is gross and condescending and it really underscores the fact that Hilda is ignorant, lazy, inconsiderate, and incredibly comfortable in her privilege. She accepts what she's been told at face value because she's too lazy to look into it further. Cyrill does tell her she's stupid to think that way, though. Which is satisfying because Hilda in those supports is insufferable, it really highlights the worst aspects of her character, dismissive, manipulative, and very selfish. However, for me, she's also very likeable. I'm not interested in going over my opinions on her like I did with Ingrid as I don’t feel it’s as important to my point but a few reasons I really like her is because I think Hilda has a fantastic design, cute supports, amazing voice work, and is secretly sweet in a way that absolutely tickles my fancy. I am sure many people do not agree with me, which is fine. Additionally, just as Ingrid grows out of her racist beliefs, so does Hilda. They both end the game as more tolerant and caring people. Still, for the same reason a person could argue that Ingrid is actually great and I'm being unfair, they could argue that Hilda is terrible and I'm too biased. That's fair and true..... but I think the fact that Hilda is more generally appealing in conjunction with the less obvious nature of her racist attitude makes people less likely to dismiss her as a racist in the same way they do Ingrid. Unless they dislike Hilda, in which case, it’s all fair game.

Anyyyways, a main takeaway from this is that I highly doubt people are truly arguing on the individual basis of who's more racist, but that they're engaging in the age old waifu war. As with many characters in this game, it's easier to argue moral superiority when you can't quite articulate what you like or don't like about a character. Or, even worse, when you're arguing opinion. Even now, as is clear by reading this, I am arguing my opinion of why I don't like Ingrid. Not because she's racist, but because of the character traits and writing choices that make her unlikable to me. I like Hilda because, flaws and all, I find her to be compelling and enjoyable. From the people that I know, at least, that is basically how the Ingrid stans v Hilda racism argument is structured, even if they dress it up in different language.

By the by Hilda never talks about how the Almyrans deserve to be wiped out. I think that probably sours a lot of people's opinions of Ingrid no matter what happened afterward but that’s fine we can just pretend that didn’t happen

[ashintheairlikesnow]

Are you Christian? You usually seem very negative about it with Jake but Nat talks Bible stories and you own a Bible?

There are a few things to unpack in this ask, and I’ll try to touch on them all. 

CW for frank talk about religion/Christianity, child abuse, domestic violence

1. I was raised in a very conservative rural Christian community in which the closest I came to knowing an open atheist before I was in high school was that my best friend’s family didn’t go to church. It was the kind of conservative Protestantism where my friend in high school being Catholic was cause for commentary by my extended family, who were concerned that if I attended church with her I might get into “idol worship.”

I wanted Card Captor Sakura tarot cards once because I thought the art was beautiful and had a family member threaten to burn them.

I took Christianity for granted as the foundation of the world until I watched it used as a cudgel against the people I knew who in some way did not fit a mold that made no sense, and I became aware that the strictures I was living in were subjecting some of the people I loved to utter misery, hatred, and violence. This is before I was able to even conceive of my bisexuality. 

The older I get, the more I see how the American Christianity I grew up with is merely a weapon, twisted and corrupted from the very words that its adherents claim to most believe in, used to excuse and justify bigotry, selfishness, and cruelty. Learning about the history of Christianity used as a weapon during colonization did a lot, too, to make me see that what I read, and learned, in the Bible was not Christianity as most of its adherents understood it.

Would I identify that way now? I don’t know. There is such a weight of negativity, when we have watched those great and pious Christians support tearing children from their families, executing prisoners, justifying all those things they once taught us were unforgivable sins unless you repented, and selling the soul of the national Christian to gain a little power and a justification for their own bigotry.

If you shall know them by their fruits, there are a lot of rotten fruits.

There is a lot of good in Christianity, but it has lost so much ground by catering to the worst and refusing to stand up for those who need love most. The very people we are called to hold our arms out to are turned away for the tiniest, flimsiest, most ridiculous reasons.

The person I have known in my life who most embodies Jesus is an atheist and she is working herself to the bone trying to serve undocumented communities along the border in Texas, despite a consistent risk to her own health from the violence she is routinely threatened with.

2. I don’t really think the comparison of Nat to Jake is a fair one. Jake grew up in an abusive environment, and his experience with church was a congregation that turned away from the obvious signs that he and his mother were being abused. 

Jake experienced being told his father was the ‘head of the household’ and he should be more respectful. He experienced his father’s bullying, violence, and homophobia. He experienced his mother being told that she should try to “steer” his father away from abusing her, or be more faithful, or call on God for help, when the people who could have helped her chose not to.

He saw his father wear the mask of an affable family man, and how everyone chose to believe the mask, because it was easier for them if they did not see a woman and her son who desperately needed a way out.

Jake’s experience was, as a whole, a deeply negative one. And if you think it’s not true to life, I would challenge that you are ignoring a lot of stories of very real people who have experienced and survived this exact thing.

While I have not modeled Jake on a single person, every aspect of his upbringing, right down to being told that if he respected his father as an authority more that the abuse wouldn’t be so bad and being sent back to his mother when he got old enough to fight back and couldn’t be used to control her from afar any longer, is something that happened to someone in real life.

A lot of these things are hidden - but they are still real.

Nat, meanwhile, has a background of some similarity to my own, in that nothing was perfect but the church was not inherently negative in her life, it was simply part of the foundation. She has a lot of joyful memories of her childhood in church.

A lot of us are walking around who may not attend church, at least not regularly, but who were raised on Bible stories that we can still recite word for word even a decade or two later, and who can sing whole songs from Veggie Tales, who could right here and right now burst into “THERE’S A RIVER FLOWING DEEP AND WIDE” at the top of their fucking lungs. You want to hear about Jacob wrestling with God? I can recite parts of it from memory. I can sing “It Is Well With My Soul” right now. How Great Thou Art, all the old hymns, they’re still in my mind and my heart and I still find so many of them beautiful. 

I still think of Bible stories when making comparisons, sometimes, because it’s very much like any memory - your mind pulls on the strongest associations automatically, and our childhoods are foundational. 

So, yeah, Nat thinks about those stories and what is left between the lines, because they’re part of her identity, no matter how she lives, now. She also tells Jake, when following the ambulance to the hospital, “we take the hand that God deals us and we hope for the best”. 

I would argue Nat has retained some faith in God as a force of good, but she has retained a faith that requires her to do the hard work, make the hard choices, and stand up for the ‘least of these’ rather than hoping someone else will, rather than waiting for someone with more power or more authority or more money to do it.

Nat is my view of the ideal Christian - imperfect, prone to mistakes, but her compassion knows no boundaries, and she will stand up for the weak ones, and those who need her, even at the cost of her own freedom and life if necessary - but she doesn’t sit around proclaiming it, she doesn’t need the world to know it, she only needs to show through her actions, be known by her fruits. She fucked up before, sure, but she’ll spend the rest of her life working to undo that failure and how it hurt so many people she could never have understood at the time, with the information she had available to her. If I had to pick a song to define how I see Nat’s view of religion, it would be Dear Me by Nichole Nordeman.

If Jake kept any shred of positivity towards religion, it would be because of living with Natalie Yoder, who actually quietly lives out all the shit that other people just say really loudly while publicly supporting the opposite.

They’re different people, with different life experiences and therefore very different ways of looking at Christianity - and neither one of them is me, not fully. Neither one fully reflects where I am, in my own beliefs. 

I understand them both, but I am not my characters, and I don’t want their mindsets or beliefs to be taken as mirror reflective of my own, because they aren’t.

3. For the record, I own five Bibles. Three were gifts, two I bought myself a long time ago. The archeology Bible I bought myself and I still fucking love it, it’s cool just from a history nerd perspective even. I have never thrown a Bible away in my life, and I don’t get rid of them. 

It’s just a superstition, I guess, but I’ve never been able to. 

When my father died, he had something like seventeen Bibles, many deeply worn and torn. I can’t tell you how we agonized over what to do with them, because throwing away a Bible seemed so deeply wrong. We had to sort of gin each other up to be able to throw any of them out, and we still kept some.

But, yeah. I own a few. 

I think you are likely to discover that a whole lot of us raised very Christian still have Bibles in our houses/apartments, whether we currently practice or not. 

Some of us may only have them for still-religious family members to see, to hold off a series of questions we don’t want to answer. Some of us have them because they’re just part of our lives, like the walls and the kitchen faucet. Some of us still sit down to read them, sometimes, because we still feel moved by the stories that lived in us first.

Some of us keep them for all those reasons and more.

[eventual-ghoste]

TOG rambling

Hello! This post has to do with Andy and some revelations at the end of Force Multiplied. Spoilers I give aren’t super specific but they’re there, and I can’t promise they won’t bite.

This is also in response to a TOG discord question I couldn’t stop thinking about, regarding Andy’s history as compared to Nicky’s, as posited by Em | salzundhonig:

But Nicky's past as a crusader and his growth from his past was well received, surely that'll be the same with Andy right?

I apologize if these ramblings sound like a rant but I swear my intentions are in the spirit of debate/discourse, and they are not an attack on any individuals.

The TL;DR is: Andy has work to do. Hopefully Hollywood and Rucka don’t fuck that up.

Feel free to check/correct/call me out if I’ve misspoke anywhere here (I realize I still have a lot to learn) but IMHO, I don’t think a semblance of Andy’s growth will be well received. Or, at least, I’m not so certain it should be because, in the comics, I genuinely don’t think Andy has grown. At the end of Force Multiplied, she still defends her actions with the “this is how I grew up” argument, and says it was “a long time ago,” and as much as I love love LOVE Andromache the Scythian for her badassery and how she’s a vision of female empowerment, I can’t help but think about how I hear those words all the time from people defending themselves against racist and/or sexist comments from so-called bygone eras.

Wanna know a sad difference between those people and our beloved Andy? They apologize for what they’ve done, or who they were. As hollow as the words will sound, however unforgivable their actions, however self-serving the apology will be— Those Asshats apologize. Comic!Andy never does, not even when confronted by Nile, an African American woman who likely descends from slaves, and has undoubtedly experienced racism and discrimination on a regular basis. It’s been thousands of years and Andy doesn’t even know how to say sorry (if she ever does, kudos to whoever finds a timestamp/panel, and let me know!). Instead, Andy buries the truth of her actions with a load of justifications to the point that she becomes self-deprecating, calling herself “vermin,” concluding she’s no better than the apathetic, selfish, evil POS they hunt. She may have spent the past millennia with TOG, trying to make things right but then—

But then she gives up. She’s tired. She resigns because she doesn’t have it in her anymore to fight the injustice she once willingly and self-servingly participated in. So, on top of being incapable of apology, Andy also doesn’t vow to do better. She doesn’t accede to change.

If there is one reason for why “The Old Guard” is a fucking absolutely shitty title, is that it refers to people who refuse to accept new ideas and progress. We are in a fandom that has four canonically queer characters, three people of color, and two female leads! Maybe the irony is intentional but damn, why is it that Andy, PROTAGONIST #1, hasn’t completely caught up with the program?

And that brings me to why I think Andy’s reckoning will not be on the same level as Nicky’s. Because as popular as Kaysanova is, neither Nicky or Joe are the main protagonists of TOG.

We don’t follow Nicky or Joe (or Booker) into scenes. The men are strictly back-at-the-ranch, supporting characters. We follow Andy or Nile (who also have the most screen time, I believe, but fact-check me). Filmically speaking, we ought to value them with a measure of precedence. Their words and actions matter the most, especially Andy’s by nature of how everyone looks to her for guidance.

So, with all that in mind: How does one reconcile a beloved protagonist with a despicable past in slavery, of all things? In the wake of an international racial reckoning, how is a celebrated, white South African actress going to fulfill that role? How is production going to balance fantasy with reality? How are Rucka and other involved writers (Theron, Prince-Bythewood?) going to alter the original IP, while retaining the nuance of this moral quandry?

Forgive me for the overkill but: How is it going to happen?

I’m well aware that my thoughts are going down a rabbit hole, and I am definitely overthinking this, but as somebody who’s genuinely curious about whether Victoria Mahoney and the rest of the TOG crew will have the guts to confront the issue head-on, or if they’ll take the easy way out. Excise the bits that no one wants to talk about, much less watch in a feel-good film that TOG has become for many fans.

Whatever production ends up doing, I hope that 2O2G doesn’t end on a cliffhanging “pity Andromache” note because, damn, I’m gonna feel real uncomfortable scrolling through fandom posts, reading people defending slavery and giving the same “the past is a foreign country; they do things differently there” spiel, in order to protect a fictional character played by a conventionally-attractive cis heterosexual white woman.

(Also: If the past is so different from the present, why are there still calls for social justice? Why do ALL industries still lack diverse and equitable representation?)

Now, this is where I’ll go back to the original question and say: While I think Nicky functions well as an example for change/growth/redemption, I don’t think his change serves as a good comparison to Andy’s. I say this, even while I’m aware of double standards in gender, and even between the reception of gay characters vs lesbian characters vs etc. (re: I’m open to critique).

My line of thought stems from the fact that, canonically, Nicky always had Joe. The two have seemingly been inseparable from the moment they first killed each other. It’s likely that Joe would check Nicky whenever he said or did something wrong and offensive, and perhaps this symbiosis was mutual.

(I also have a feeling that many people easily disregarded the Christian/Muslim conflict because A) lack of knowledge in BOTH religions and B) the onscreen couple appear very much in love, especially when one is giving a beautiful monologue on the nature of their relationship. When we meet Joe and Nicky, we meet them at their best. Shout-out to interfaith couples who know more about this than my single (and secular) ass does, and might have more to say about this.)

On the other hand: Andy never had someone who was like how Joe was for Nicky. No one ever calls out Andy because A) she’s the oldest, B) she’s the lead, and C) her business card says ANDROMACHE OF SCYTHIA, WAR GOD. Yeah, she had Quynh/Noriko but— at the risk of yelling at Rucka for vilifying a queer woman of color (or praising him for not leaning on the stereotype of Asian passivity? idk, anyone got thoughts on this?)— Noriko is clearly not encouraging good behavior. Neither will Quynh if Netflix lets 2O2G be as faithful to the comics as TOG1 was.

Which means the Law 282 conversation might be…unavoidable? Somewhere along the line, we still end up in the hotel room with Andy, on the floor, pleading for her crew to not abandon her, even though she is the one who abandoned their cause.

This sets up a circumstance in which Fade Away might be spent trying to redeem Andy/Charlize Theron, bring her back to the “good side,” teaching her to be better— thereby highlighting her experience and “salvation,” rather than making a point of her past, and the reality of her actions. In other words, a “pity the white woman” fest.

(Because I’m crossing my fingers that TOG production/Netflix know better) In an effort to prevent that from happening, I wonder if Rucka will combine Force Multiplied with Fade Away for the 2O2G script. Given the series’ track record, I think it is feasible that FA’s release coincides with 2O2G’s, and that it finally resolves Andy. Whether by revitalizing her energy as a do-some-gooder, or finalizing her vulnerability by putting her 6,000 years to rest, thus handing off the reigns to Nile and a new generation of leadership.

The last thing I want to leave off with is: I don’t hate Andy. It’s a credit to Rucka and fellow writers (from film and fandom) that I don’t.

I might not love her character as enthusiastically as I used to, but that doesn’t mean I’m not amazed by her creation. She’s a female lead whose sexuality is not exploited by the male gaze; whose emotional vulnerability is not considered a hindrance to, nor an explanation for, her battle prowess; and whose unabashed queerness is not reinforced by cookie cutter stereotypes. Andromache the Scythian is AMAZING.

That doesn’t mean I’m going to excuse or ignore her most glaring and contemptible flaw. More than anything, I’d love to sweep her past under the carpet so that 2O2G can be problem-free. Like many people, I just want to enjoy a movie without getting triggered.

I want to see Quynh and Andy kiss and make up. I want to see Joe rocking Those Shorts, and a cheeky shot of Nicky appreciating his ass. I want to see Nile welcoming Booker back to the family again. Some form of group therapy would be chef’s kiss.

But something about glossing over/removing slavery from Andy’s narrative reeks of dishonesty, and reminds me that the (Hollywood) movie industry is full of people who do not want to be tainted with negative perceptions. Understandably, appearances are their livelihood— but that particular truth is something they still have to reckon with.

[art-donaldson]

heard you're having a bad night so tell me all your feelings about kaz and inej

thank you lulu 💞

i have so. many. feelings. about kaz & inej. i’m gonna put it under the cut because i know this post is about to get long

tl;dr: kaz & inej’s dynamic is one of the most interesting and one of the best i have ever seen. seriously, they’re one of top ships now. no one is doing it like them, they are the moment!!!

my first impression of them was from the show (i didn’t read the six of crows books until after the show) and the minute kaz said she’s one of a kind and that no one is like her, i was drawn to their dynamic. that whole scene is general was quite the introduction to their dynamic, especially with the window and how kaz turned around and then turned back to the mirror and without turning around again, he knew inej was behind him (“it was as if once kaz had seen her, he’d understood how to keep seeing her.”) and it was just a wonderful introduction to their dynamic and to inej’s character and it shows why she’s called the wraith

episode 2, kaz says inej refuses to kill and we actually see that!! we see her struggling to kill the conductor. and it’s because of how devoted she is to her faith. BUT THEN IN EPISODE 5, SHE KILLS FOR THE FIRST TIME. IN A CHAPEL. TO SAVE KAZ’S LIFE.

THIS BRINGS ME TO THAT ONE FREDDY AND AMITA INTERVIEW where amita talks about inej’s struggle to kill & how her first kill is important to both inej’s character arc and kaz & inej’s relationship. she basically said that to inej, kaz was worth saving, worth the kill. and freddy talks about how kaz has wanted to believe that inej could be his right hand woman, that she can kill if needed, but if she can’t do it, she can’t do it. BUT THEN SHE DOES KILL AND IT’S FOR TO SAVE KAZ’S LIFE!!!!! it’s such an important and defining moment for their dynamic, and it’s also so defining for inej’s character cause now she has this internal struggle. she’s so devoted to her faith and the saints, but she committed this awful sin and how does she reconcile with that? she didn’t want to kill, but the circumstances forced her to, and that dilemma sets up such a key struggle inej deals with in the books, and i hope it’s explored more in the show.

okay so let’s talk about kaz for a second. prior to episode 5, he wanted to believe that inej could be his right hand woman (as freddy puts it) and he’s not sure if she’ll be able to fulfill that role. he’s still learning to trust her at this point. AND WHAT DOES HE DO? HE PUTS UP THE CROW CLUB AS COLLATERAL SO EVEN IF THE HEIST FAILS, INEJ COULD BE FREE FROM TANTE HELEEN AND THE MENAGERIE. he knows how much inej wants her freedom, so he puts up the one thing, the ONLY thing, he has to offer in order for inej to get her freedom either way. essentially, he risked it all for inej, not even sure if she’ll be able to fulfill the role he needs her to fulfill. BUT SHE DOES FULFILL THAT ROLE. SHE SAVES HIS LIFE. SHE TAKES A LIFE TO SPARE HIS. and in episode 5, when inej is like “i... i killed him.”, kaz tells her to look at him and tells her “you saved my life.” and i feel like this is something they both need to hear. for kaz, it’s a sign that he can fully trust inej now. for inej, it serves as a reason for taking a life; it’s almost like a justification: she killed to save kaz’s life

ik this post is getting way too long and i have like a million more thoughts because i haven’t even talked about them in the books but there is one more thing i wanna add: kaz and inej are opposites when it comes to their mentality and mindset, and they shouldn’t be attracted to one another, but THEY ARE.

kaz is almost an embodiment of everything inej hates. he’s greedy, selfish, he only does things if there’s something in it for him, something he can gain. he’s ruthless and vengeful. he’s able to kill without hesitation or second thoughts. and yet, inej finds herself having feelings for him. and i think this is because inej still manages to see the good and has a heart of gold. she knows kaz is all these bad things, but he’s still the boy who saved her from a terrible and awful situation. (“for all his selfishness and cruelty, kaz was still the boy who had saved her. she wanted to believe he was worth saving, too.”)

and kaz is not hopeful like inej is. he’s more practical and realistic. he tends to see the worse more than the good. he literally got the name “dirtyhands” because there’s no sin who won’t commit for the right price. but yet, he has these deep feelings for inej. inej, who is devoted to her faith, sees the good, has a heart of gold. she’s like an embodiment of everything kaz had to get rid of to survive. he couldn’t see the good when jordie died. he couldn’t be this idealist that inej is when he was fending for himself on the streets. he was forced to become this twisted and cruel person, and he knows that he’s everything inej doesn’t like. (“He needed to tell her … what? That she was lovely and brave and better than anything he deserved. That he was twisted, crooked, wrong, but not so broken that he couldn’t pull himself together into some semblance of a man for her. That without meaning to, he’d begun to lean on her, to look for her, to need her near.”)

anyways, i have so many thoughts about them and i barely scratched the surface, but i think this is a good place to stop