#and that's how danny gets a crash course on human customs

[nerdpoe]

Due to Danny's ghostly nature, he misunderstands a bit when his DOOMED buddy in Gotham complains about his little brother.

The guy is clearly just blowing off steam, talking about how can he trust the little demon when he'd literally been stabbed, thrown off a banister (danny was pretty sure he was gonna say something else), got Mufasa'd (dropped from the roof and barely managed to save himself), and talked shit like, constantly.

And Danny, with all of his ghost instincts only partially tucked away behind human skin, can't help but coo.

"Aww, he must really like you man."

"...He's tried to kill me."

"But not really? Dude, why aren't you picking up on this?"

"Picking up on what? That he wants to be an only child?"

"No, dude; that he wants to fight you. Like, in a learning way, with only a little bloodshed. Man you're bad with kids. Of course he's trying to stab you, he wants to play."

His friend pauses, the character he's playing stopping midfight.

"You...aren't human, are you?"

Fuck.

[call-me-strega]

Dc x Dp Prompt #4: Ghost Selkie

Disclaimer: references and facts about Selkies are based on Selkie folklore, true facts about seals, and stuff I just made up because it works well with the story

~~~~

Okay so Urban Fantasy inspired au where turns out there is some Selkie blood mixed up somewhere in the Fenton bloodline. As such Jazz and Danny exhibit a few Selkie-like traits but nothing too serious: a playful nature, a certain grace and agility, attraction to shiny things (stars and microscopes), a decent singing voice, being strong swimmers, and seeing in the dark better than the average person. After The Accident™️ and being more involved with the super natural world some of those aspects get a bit stronger for Danny but he just chalks it up to being a Halfa. That is until Skulker catches him on an off-day and manages to capture him by snagging the back of his jumpsuit. Phantom, in a moment of panic and desperation, decides to try and rip off his bodysuit to escape. The suit comes of alright but out tumbles Danny Fenton rather than a de-clothed Phantom. Skulker, in a moment of shock, drops the suit and Danny catches cradling it to his chest while every fiber of his being screams “MY COAT. MY PELT. MINE, DONT STEAL IT.” Skulked realizes what’s happened before Danny does and nopes out of there bc “ This is not what I meant when a said I would have your pelt whelp!” Danny is left sitting there feeling stunned. A quick round of experimentation leads him to figure out that he is now able to take off the suit in Phantom form, but it will de-transform him into Danny. Furthermore, the regular "going ghost" transition still works both with and without him physically holding the suit.

A quick consultation with Clockwork and Frostbite reveals the Fenton Selkie heritage and he goes back to report to Jazz and his friends. Due to Jazz’s instance the siblings get a crash course in Selkies through a community of Selkies and Part-Selkies in the Infinite Realms as well as having a younger ghost show them where to find the modern underground Selkie-Community. Which leads to them getting emotionally adopted by their (dead and alive) Selkie mentors. They learn about eating habits, behavior, culture and customs (including the in and outs of courtship and mating), and camflouge/blending into society.

Jazz learns to tap into her vocal magic/manipulation. Her voice has a deeply calming effect on others and they feel more compelled to listen to her. This comes in handy with some of her more rowdy patients at her internships and stuff. She’s also to taps into the physical aspects of her Selkie blood and gains enhanced dexterity, agility, balance and reflexes. She’s also working towards improving her strength and stamina. Needless to say her aim has definitely improved. Nothing too wild but as she gains more liminality, those aspects become stronger so she’s definitely a cut above the average human though not as crazy as Danny.

Danny on the other hand gets the ability to “shed his pelt” by being able to physically take of his suit and de-transform as well as how to disguise the suit as a jacket or something (maybe a romper or a cardigan?) so that he he can keep it on him for quick, more discreet transformations if he wants to. His ghostly form takes on more Selkie traits like fangs for a powerful bite and more muscle mass and fat in certain areas to improve his endurance and cold resistance. He also learns to manipulate his ectoplasm to be able to shapeshift into the seal version of a Selkie. He is able to practice and manipulate his Ghostly Wail and hone it into a Siren Song and Sonic Singing too.

So basically both the Fenton siblings get cool Selkie power-ups (and unbeknownst to the two, admittedly already quite attractive siblings, their looks take on an otherworldly allure too). As well as a new community eager to take them in and provide them with support. That's why when Danny decides he wants to get away from Amity for college (the ghosts have agreed to a truce as long as Danny pops in for a spar and some shenanigans every now and then. He acquiesces because playing and roughhousing is a part of building social relations for both ghosts and selkies) some of their Selkie contacts help him apply for the Wayne Scholarship at Gotham University and get him set up in Gotham.

Let’s switch gears for a moment here. Gotham has always been a weird place full of weirdos, magic, and cursed energy. Basically, overall chaotic, edgy, and somewhat rancid vibes. It also is entwined with the supernatural. Lady Gotham, the spirit of the city, has allowed many a supernatural community to remain well hidden in her realm including but not limited to fae, witches, gargoyles, vampires, and of course, selkies. There is a huge underground supernatural community in Gotham, part of which is the Selkie community. Most of the Selkies moved out of the harbor and onto land due to pollution. The luckier ones who managed to gain some quick wealth settled in the Upper East Side or Coventry while others ended up in Burnley, the Bowery, and Crime Alley. However, family is very important to Selkies, so there is little resentment between the areas. They try to help out each other and the other members of the supernatural community in Gotham whenever possible. The overall magical community is spread out over Gotham with a few hot spots like Old Gotham, Robinson Park, Crime Alley and the Bowery, and Chinatown.

Now enter: Jason Todd (or a different member of the batfam of your choosing but you’re on your own to figure out how that’ll change the story). Jason grew up around a large portion of Gotham’s supernatural community. There were plenty of fae, selkies, sirens, vamps, and various other magical beings within Crime Alley. He discovered the community early on when he found out that the abuela who used to feed him tamales was in fact a Bruja (witch). Her name was Señora Mariana Soliña and she swore him to secrecy and taught him some basic knowledge on how to recognize and avoid being screwed over by the supernatural.

When his mother died Señora Soliña revealed her surprisingly large amount of wealth to him. She chose to live in Crime Alley to be closer to magical friends and people who would seek out her services as a witch doctor (her cover bc the best lies have a hint of truth). She offered him a hot meal and some spare cash when she could but they weren’t able to run into each other as often as they liked. After getting adopted and becoming Robin Jason made periodic visits to her before his death.

Jason’s resurrection didn’t happen in a Lazarus pit but when he crawled out of his grave. It was due to the magical energy(read also high ecto-concentration) in Gotham he had been exposed to that he became a Revenant. He was able to develop a core through the latent energy and become a spirit/reanimated corpse that sought to avenge both his death and countless others at the hands of The Joker. His dip in the Pits (polluted ectoplasm) brought him out of his catatonic state but triggered his obsession and left him with Pit Rage. Yada yada yada, trains with the League of Assassins, yada yada yada, trains with All-Caste and gets the ability to wield the magical All-Blades, yada yada yada, returns to Gotham for revenge becomes a crime lord, etc., etc., you know the drill.

Fast forward to when he’s made up with the BatFam and is now an antihero. His pit rage has gotten more controllable as the natural ectoplasm and magic in Gotham is slowly filtering out the polluted ectoplasm in his system but it’s still a long process. The supernatural community, however, is happy to have him there. You see Red Hood is actually quite a popular vigilante within the supernatural community. Among his many monikers, they were the ones who gave him the nickname “Avenger of the Unavenged”, and nod to his nature as a Revenant, as well as the aura of the All-Blades (which are meant to defeat absolute evil) that most magical beings recognize.

Jason is fully aware of the presence of the supernatural community in Gotham, as well as members of it who live within his haunt. Once things reach a new “normal” for him he tracks down Señora Soliña only somewhat surprised to see her alive and kicking. He asks for her guidance in the supernatural past the basic knowledge she gave him as a kid. Señora Soliña recognizes his magical aura and status as a Revenant and agrees. (Note: Jason is aware that he has some magic in him, but he attributes it to the All-Blades. He is not fully aware of his status as a Revenant. Señora Soliña assumes he knows and thus does not inform him.) She teaches him and helps him start getting integrated into Gotham’s supernatural community. She offers to “adopt” him as her grandson "Jason “Pedro” Todd Soliña" so that he can take on a civilian identity and attend college. He agrees, eager to resume his education and take on a semi-"normal" life.

And thus we've reached the part of our story where two worlds collide. Jason and Danny first meet peripherally during orientation at Gotham U. They don't really have a direct interaction, just learning each other's names during the icebreakers and some eye contact during the tour. Danny is dorming and Jason commutes so the don't see each other much past running into each other on campus or in the dining hall. That is until they spot each other at an underground, supernatural beings-only, cafe called Xenia a few blocks away Robinson Park.

The two realize the other must have a supernatural connection and start up a conversation. The conversation is illuminating as they learn they're both fairly new to the supernatural community and mostly ghostly. Danny reveals himself as a halfa and of selkie descent and Jason uses his cover to introduce himself as the grandson of a bruja with magic, a brujo-in-training if you will. Upon being asked what a halfa is Danny realizes Jason doesn't know a ton about ghost culture and gives him a quick crash course leading them both to figure out that a) Jason is a Revenant and b) Danny could probably help the Pit Rage by giving him some ecto-supplements. Due to this newfound information Jason conveniently forgets that his new friend mentioned having Selkie blood.

The two meet up more after that, intentionally this time so that Danny can continue teaching Jason about ghost culture and just to hang out. (Note: Danny isn't teaching Jason about selkie culture as he assumes the grandson of a bruja would know that stuff already. Jason has been taught a bit about selkies but they haven't thoroughly covered the topic of courtship yet). As they hang out and develop a friendship with each other the seeds of romance are planted.

One day after they wrapped up lunch at Xenia, Danny left the cafe, accidentally leaving his pelt/jacket on his chair as he's still getting used to having to keep track of it. Jason not realizing the significance of his actions picks it up and takes it with him. Later that day Danny freaks out realizing he left it behind when he runs into Jason. Jason was actually looking for him to return the jacket. So he's like "Hey man you left this at the cafe so I took it and now you can have it back" assuming the redness on Danny's face is just embarrassment. Danny, while mortified, is also extremely flustered. Selkies typically only let close family and lovers have access to their pelts because it implies a deep and intimate bond built on trust that they'll give it back. For Jason, who should know about such Selkie customs, to not only take his pelt but then also return it so easily is some very straightforward flirting. But hey, Jason is good friend... and easy on the eyes too. He wouldn't mind if there was something more there. So Danny decides that he wouldn't mind courting/being courted by Jason.

Jason on the other hand has in fact caught feelings for his friend but hasn't realized he already initiated courting by doing this. He plans to do it the ghostly way engaging in some bonding through sparing and roughhousing and building up their feelings before asking him out. Unfortunately for him, there is a lot of overlap between Selkie courting and ghostly courting so Danny believes that Jason has been courting him for some time now. There are also some things that are specific to Selkie courting Jason unknowingly does, such as buying Danny a bracelet (shiny rocks as a courting gift), beating up a couple of guys trying to mug Danny (defending/showing off for your mate), and introducing Danny to his family/agreeing to meet Jazz (family is very important to Selkies).

That's why when they go out to dinner, and Jason embarrassedly corrects a waitress who thought they were on a date by saying "Oh we're just friends", Danny is understandably upset. He was under the impression that their courtship was getting rather serious since Jason had met Jazz and Danny had met Jason's family. When he asks Jason why he told the waitress they weren't dating he replies "Umm because we're not?" in an uncertain tone. Danny feeling hurt and upset takes his glass of water splashes it onto Jason's face and storms out of the restaurant. Jason is left there soaking, confused, and wondering what he did wrong.

That night Jason goes to visit Señora Soliña to see if he messed up some ghostly custom for Danny to get so upset. When he arrives one of the first things she asks him is how it's going with Danny. When he recounts what happened at dinner and explains his confusion, the bruja takes a deep sigh before smacking him upside the head. Jason is like “wtf abuela?!” And she just shakes her head at him and calls him an idiot. She then reminds him that Danny is part Selkie and explains all the ways Jason has been courting him during the past few months. Jason, realizing he screwed up grabs one of his leather jackets and goes off to track down Danny.

Danny has returned to his dorm to cry and eat ice cream in his pjs from the comfort of his own room. He’s about to watch some comfort tv when there is a pounding at his door. He gets to find a disheveled looking Jason standing at his door. Danny frowns and questions what he’s doing here. Jason’s like “Look I know you’re upset and understandably so but please let me in and I can explain”. Danny’s care for Jason wins out over his anger as he resigns himself to letting the other in. The first thing Jason does is apologize for hurting Danny, saying it was never his intention to do so. He then goes on to explain how he hadn't realized that he had been courting Danny in Selkie customs. Danny is understanding but still upset and voices his feelings to Jason. Jason allows the other to get his anger out and then continues to say that he was actually trying to court Danny through ghostly bonding, and he would still like to date him if he’s open to it. Jason then takes off the leather jacket that he brought with him and offers it to Danny, saying that he doesn’t have his own pelt to offer, but this is the next best thing. This gesture nearly brings Danny to tears and he throws himself to hug Jason, accepting the jacket. The pull back and look into each other's eyes before sharing a kiss and spending the rest of the night cuddling before Jason has to leave.

From then on Jason ramps up the courting to 12, determined not to mess it up again. He reasearches selkie and ghost courting customs in depth to properly woo Danny and personalizes dates to their personalities. Danny is happy to be lavished with the attention and returns the favor. The two of them also make an effort to make sure the have clear communication to avoid having misunderstandings again. A few months later Jason decides to re-introduce Danny to the batfam as his partner and brings Danny along to Wayne Family Dinner with a ring around his finger. It’s a promise ring not engagement ring, but what Bruce doesn’t know will surely give him a heart attack and Danny is happy to go along with it. Danny and Jason become the longest and most stable relationship in the batfam. Tim and Damian even come to them for advice when they try to romance their own partners.

The story kind of just finishes off with the two of them being happy with each other and leaves an open ending to add in small scenes that happened during a time skip or after the story (e.g gushing to siblings, an actual proposal, identity reaveals, batboys seeking advice, them engaging in pda, interaction with other supernatural beings, gossip surrounding their relationship, ect.)

[Edit: additional oc info now found here]

[lukescaboose]

Phantom - c.h.

I’ve been writing this Danny Phantom inspired fic for what seems like forever at this point and I’m so happy it's finished and I get to share it on the interwebs. I have to really thank my besties @  the I’m into Drummers GC because without them this fic wouldn’t have made it past the first paragraph. As always I hope you enjoy it. Really hope it lives up to Jay’s ( @angelbabylu ) expectations. 

Warnings: none

Part: 1

Wordcount: 7.1k

The bookshop fell quiet. Not too unusual for a Wednesday evening, but it was enough to make Kori look up from the stack of misplaced books in front of her. She was alone in the shop - had been for a few hours and the last customer had left ages ago. Working on the routine cleanup, she hummed to herself as she realigned the shelves. That was until she felt the cool breeze. It was odd, not like the usual breeze that often drafted the small shop. It was enough to raise goosebumps under the sleeves of her sweater. She shook her head, returning to her task with the tune returning to her lips. Her hands fumbled with a book, fingers tracing over the engraved gold letters. Hemingway. She pushed a curl away from her face, opening the book she’d read about a thousand times before, running her hand over the smooth page. The book was placed on the shelf with a sigh, it was too late to even debate reading a few pages. She knew better than to tease herself. A few pages always turned to her finding comfort in the nearest chair and devoting the rest of her time to that sole activity. Besides, she had applications for corporate publishing companies due in the morning and she couldn’t risk her chance at freedom. She craved a new scenery, needed to explore more than the town of which she grew up in. The bookstore was nice, it always gave her that odd feeling of nostalgia, but it wasn’t making much use of the English degree she had worked so hard for.

She pushed the cart filled with books idly over the oak floorboards of the dimly lit shop. She thought about a desk in a large city, New York perhaps, reading over manuscripts and contacting aspiring authors. She thought about a life outside of this one, where she could let her personality run free instead of harboring her inner thoughts. With every book, she placed in their spot she thought about the bigger picture. The life with the career, and plans, and opportunities. She thought about her mother, living two towns over, sitting on the porch swing reading those same books Kori had come to love herself. For it was her mother who instilled the love of literature in her. From the classics that demanded to have respect paid to them, to the new modern independent works paving a way for a new direction in storytelling. It was reading and writing that had pulled Kori through her toughest times, homage was well deserved.

With another push of the squealing cart, a gust of wind flew through the store, followed by a sound that had Kori freezing in her white tennis shoes. The light chatter of voices of those who passed by was gone, the only sound now was the beating of her heart in her chest. Her hand dragged along a shelf as she dared to take a step in the direction of the noise. Rounding the corner she peaked her head out slowly, eyes darting to find the intruder. The door had been locked an hour prior, she was certain she was alone in the store. Then the sound came again. Louder, clearer. Followed by a wind so powerful to knock her off her planted feet and to the ground with a huff. The cart shook on its old wheels behind her, rumbling with the thunder of the current. Kori scrambled to her feet quickly, running towards the front desk for the telephone. The sound ascends once more, knocking the books off the shelf with a crash, loud enough to excite a yell from Kori whose palms clammed with adrenaline as she prepared to face the unseen.

She didn’t believe in ghosts, never had, and the way the movies had portrayed them had made her believe they were no more than fiction. The idea of this act of supernatural being a ghost hadn’t even crossed her conscious as she scrambled under the desk to prepare for an earthquake. Because that seemed more likely than anything else. As more shelves began to fall and the air grew colder by a noticeable degree, she held tight to the legs and prayed the structure of the building was secure. With eyes closed, all she heard were the sounds of breaking material. She failed to realize the man entering the store without opening the door. Green eyes and fitting assembly with an unwavering stature.

“Way to make a mess by yourself.” He muttered as the clashing and banging continued, books seeming to fly off the shelves by themselves. The silence presumed over the store again and he stepped over the mess, making his entrance into the store. Kori opened her eyes at the company, shaking hands unsticking from the desk leg. She dared to peak her head from under the desk, rising to her knees to see him standing there in all his glory. Silver boots and a black fitted suit that made him look superhuman. “H-How did you?” Her eyes flashed between his figure and the door. His own head snapped in her direction, unaware of the presence of someone else. His green eyes were wide, no one besides the exception of one other had seen him in this state. He debated phasing back to his normal state but there was too much risk. She had discovered him like this, so this is how he would stay.

“T-There was an earthquake.” She muttered, shaking her head in disbelief. “How did you get in here?” She walked to the door, finding it locked as she left it. Then the fear coursed through her body like an untamed river, starting from her head and flowing towards her feet in a cold sweat. She turned slowly to see him standing in the same spot, looking around the shop as if something were to resurface. She hadn’t a clue what he was looking for, what he was listening for, but he made no advances to answer her questions. And before she could form another question, the same gust of wind rendered her defenseless against the door, the chime banging against the glass as she stood bewildered. Her hair flew into her face as she struggled to stand, gripping the bar on the door that read ‘push’. But he stood there still, unphased, planted in his silver boots that seemed heavier than they actually felt.

“Must be an aftershock!” She yelled over the howling that whipped her hair, and his, around. But that was before she saw it. Saw the green glowing monstrosity that rounded the corner of a still standing shelf that had been bolted to the floor a week prior. The air left her lungs, eyes bulging twice their size, as she gripped the door handle now out of pure fear rather than for stability. “That ain’t no aftershock, love.” He smirked at her over his shoulder. He neared the creature without fear, prepared for a fight that only he could handle. The monster had no feet, rather a tail that glided behind it when it moved. It slithered more than anything else, menacing and ethereal. It was almost comical the way it looked. For it looked like a chef, an owner of an old-timey Italian restaurant. A handlebar mustache paired with a cliche chef’s hat and apron, which appeared to be littered with...grease stains? Kori rubbed at her eyes, blinking furiously, waiting to wake up from this fictional fantasy. But there he was, ghostly more than anything, menacing maybe not.

“My pizzeria what have you done!” With a raise of his ghastly fist, another shelf fell to the ground, sending its contents flying to their death. Kori winced at the loud crash, cowering down towards the floor, her previous thought long gone. “This is a book shop, no place for loud noises.” She heard the more humanly figure raise his voice, a deep sound, slow and even. She was befuddled as to how his composure remained steady under such circumstances. His words only seemed to anger the creature, it’s hand rose again, this time directed at the man in the suit. A green goo ejected from its palm, aiming to kill. The man moved swiftly dodging its attack, the goo hitting the wall behind him creating a mess Kori was certain nothing could clean up.

She was beginning to believe this was a ghost. She had no reason to believe it wasn’t. No other being could do this amount of damage without the ability to be something else. But if this was a ghost she had every inkling of a thought that nothing could stop its wrath. How could anyone, anything, that looked human like this man did have the power to defeat the undead? It was a ghost, after all, it couldn’t be killed. But that wasn’t stopping the man from trying. He charged towards the beast and an unworldly speed, dodging the goo and broken ornaments in the ground. Kori dropped to the floor crawling back to the safety on the desk. She peeked from underneath just in time to catch the man whizz through the air, no longer having legs, but a tail that matched that of the ghost’s. Kori couldn’t tear her eyes away from the scene in front of her because it was more than evident that this man was not human. He was flying, taking jabs at the ghost in some kind of ghost on ghost combat. Her mind was preoccupied with the scene unfolding before her, the goo, the flying, that she hadn't heard the relentless banging at the door of the bookshop.

“You’ve gotta open the door, love. I can't do this without him!” He shouted, simultaneously wrangling the ghost to the floor, only for it to slip from his grasp once more. Kori looked around in disbelief, there was another man frantically banging and pulling at the door handle, shouting words that fell on deaf ears. The flying man-ghost flew into a nearby wall, crashing and falling along with the frames that once hung steady. “Come on, love, don't have much time here!” He scrambled to his feet once more, flying through the air to take another strike at the figure. Kori stood now, stunned in place, an internal fight hindering her from following the man’s directions. She didn’t want to be seen by the ghost, he was more or less distracted and she was safe here. As safe as she could be, behind the desk out of harm's way. The goo splatter proved far more dangerous than anything else, and attracting the ghost’s attention was not something she wanted to do. But the flying man really seemed to need the other guy’s help. He was asking for him, wasn’t he? He was losing time, that she knew, his momentum was fading and without him, her safety was definitely not secure.

So she made the move, unwillingly running to the door. Shaking hands failed to twist the lock, her head twisting to look behind her back to the scene of the battle. The man outside was growing impatient, pulling at the handle at every fail of an attempt of Kori’s fingers. Feebly, she twisted the lock and he pushed himself inside. Kori debated running into the cool night’s air, but she couldn’t. She had responsibilities here, the shop was her responsibility. But wasn’t her safety more important? The door remained open as she compared the two evils in her mind, the dark night quiet and sidewalks empty. But the door was closed before she could make a run for it. The lock turned on its own accord, shutting her out from the slim chance of safety she had. Realizing the choice was made for her, she turned back around to see that she now most definitely had the ghost’s attention. She cowered under the stare of the creature, seemingly all the eyes were on her. Not what she was used to and she wished for nothing more to return to the hour ago when she was alone and it was silent, and most importantly not a mess.

“You’re responsible for this?!” The accusation took her by surprise. She didn’t know what “this” was, but she was sure the mess in the bookshop was not her fault. Her mouth felt dry, the ghost expected an answer she wasn’t going to give him. Her mouth gaped opened and closed, eyes flashing from the two men to the ghost wishing someone, anyone, would help her out here. The ghost began to raise its palm, the man in the suit at her side in an instant, pushing her out of the way of the wave of green goo to follow. She hit the floor with a thud, her eyes closing and wishing she had taken the out when she’d had the chance.

“Ash, open the thermos!” He was gone. Back in the air, his warmth gone and her fear radiating. She had felt safer in those few seconds then she had felt all night. She stayed where he had placed her, cowering in the corner, watching what seemed to be the end of this battle. With a final punch, the ghost hit the ground and “Ash” opened the canister in his hand that the suited man was calling a “thermos”. Kori wasn’t sure what the tin cylinder would do for any of them. It wasn’t like they could harbor the ghost -

“Ready?!” He called over his shoulder and Ash stepped forward. With another gust of wind, the ghost was sucked into the thermos and the shop fell still. Kori stood with wide eyes, realizing that the worst was over, and not quite sure what it was she saw exactly. She stepped gingerly over the broken items discarded onto the floor, a shaky breath escaping her lips now that the danger was gone. She had a new issue now, that being the mess in the store. There was no way she’d be able to clean, or even explain, this to her boss. She could forget those applications due tonight. Kori bent down to pick up a tattered book, her hand trembling with disappointment. Her eyes flashed up to the two men who were already watching her. Her mouth was agape, breathing slowed, and mind frayed with bewilderment. Her hand gestured around the place with anew found fury boiling in her chest. “Please tell me you can turn this place back to normal.” She begged, lifting yet another tattered book from the floor. Ash chuckled, kicking at a broken frame near his foot. “We’re not genies, love.” This only infuriated Kori further, tossing the book at his feet she stormed around, feebly attempting to lift a fallen bookshelf. The suited man shifted on his feet before pacing over to her. It was unusual for them to stay this long after a job, but he worried for her, obviously this shop held some kind of value to her.

“We can help you sort this out.” He offered, stepping in front of her to lift the bookshelf with no struggle at all. Ash scoffed from the middle of the room, throwing his hands into the air. “That is not our job! We have to go, Cal.” He began to walk towards the door, Kori glaring at his back. “Not your job? Well, it certainly wasn’t your job to wreck the place.” She chided, arms crossing over her chest. Her remark was enough to make Ash turn around, losing his grip on the door handle. “Well, what would you rather us have done, lovie? Leave the ghost to wreck the place and save you for dessert?” She cowered slightly at his words, his ego clearly shining brightly through the malice in his tone. “Lucky Calum here was around in the first place. You should be thanking us.” He spat, eyes darting towards Calum for backup. Of which he didn’t offer. Instead, he shook his head in disbelief as he continued to clean the mess around the store. “You need to get off your high horse, Ashton.” He mumbled. Kori was satisfied with that, she couldn’t understand why such a complex was radiating off of him. By the looks of it, he was no more than a sidekick.

Ashton huffed, slouching in a nearby armchair, muttering something about Calum being too soft. Calum ignored him, all too familiar with his antics and flawed personality. Ashton was a good guy, Calum’s best friend, he just had an odd way of showing it. And it was no doubt he was giving Kori the wrong impression. “I’m sorry about him, he’s...Ashton.” Calum sighed whilst placing a book back on its respected shelf. Her shoulders deflated with a roll of her eyes. “I’m Calum by the way.” He side-eyed her, his failed attempt at conversation going unanswered. Her only response was, “I gathered,” with another groan falling from her lips. Lips Calum couldn’t help but realize were so pouty and adorable. He smirked, lifting another bookshelf. He’d never taken the time to conversate with the people he diverted from harm’s way. Usually would dash out quickly in hopes that no one would recognize him. In fact, no civilian would ever dare to stay. He couldn’t help but wonder why she had. Why she had succumbed to doomed fate if anything had gone astray. He was glad they hadn't, didn’t think he could live with that on his conscious.

“I think after the night we’ve had, we could at least talk a bit.” He offered once more, grabbing the book from her hand and placing it on a shelf she couldn’t quite reach. She huffed, turning her body towards him. “Name’s Kori, I work here. And after tonight, it's looking like I’ll be working here for the rest of my life.” She forced a half smile, one that held nothing but resentment. He smiled at the girl...Kori. He decided he liked that name.

“Kori? Like the guy’s name?” Ashton chimed in from across the shop. A leg was crossed over the other, his hands idly flipping through a book Kori could bet he’d never even heard of before. “Something like that.” Kori sneered. Calum flashed Ashton a look, a face that read ‘what the fuck’ as clear as day. Ashton shrugged, returning his attention back to the book he definitely wasn’t reading. Kori began to grumble to herself about how much of a pretentious asshole Ashton was.

“I think your name is great.” Calum tried to back peddle, instantly regretting it when he saw the look of distaste on Kori’s face. He wanted to smile again, but he fought off the urge. Her face could hide no emotion, he liked that. “Thanks, I definitely needed that reassurance after bearing the name for 22 years.” Calum sighed, deciding to end the not so rich conversation right then. The idea of getting to know her was well expired and she had made that clear. He thought it best to finish cleaning the shop and get out of here so he could chew Ashton out for how difficult he had made this. So he did what he had to do. He was way past the point of hiding his super skills and figured he had nothing else to lose. He flashed through the store, ignoring the condescending look Ashton was sporting. Kori tried her best to watch as the store became clean faster than she could blink, but it was giving her whiplash. Ashton laughed from his chair, the book in his hand gone as Calum whizzed by him. “She’s starstruck!” He bellowed, kicking a foot up on the nearest coffee table. In another flash, Ashton was gripping the back of his head and it was Kori’s turn to laugh. She turned around, rearranging the books that Calum was strewing onto the shelves. Of course, he couldn’t replace the broken items, but his help was more than enough and Kori was grateful. At the rate Calum was moving, she would have time to finish those applications.

When Calum was finished, he decided now was as good a time as any to phase back to his normal state. Kori watched in surprise as the black suit that fit him so nicely was now regular joggers and a t-shirt. The blonde hair was now brown along with his eyes, and Kori couldn’t decide which look she liked better. She wanted to slap herself for even having the thought, she knew nothing about him. She didn’t even know what he was. A shapeshifting ghost boy, who was inhumanly handsome, and way too nice for the way Kori was treating him. He offered a soft smile when her eyes lingered a bit too long. She turned around quickly, back to switching the books around and thanking God that her melanin was enough to hide her blush. What it wouldn’t hide was the embarrassed look evident in her eyes and written clear as day on her face. But the embarrassment was quickly replaced with fury when Ashton opened his mouth again. “So, it is human.” His remark earned yet another slap on the back of the head from Calum. Kori bit her tongue, holding back from spewing all the witty remarks that rose to the forefront of her mind. She clenched her fist, waiting for the wistful moment that this would be all over.

“You guys should get going, I can finish up here.” She sighed. Her palms began to sweat as soon as the words fell from her lips. She’d suddenly been reminded of why they were here in the first place. She was overcome with an aftershock of fear. She was afraid of being left alone again, as much as she wasn’t enjoying their company. The guys could sense her sudden change in demeanor, shifting wary eyes towards each other. They made no effort to leave, or even respond, and Kori was not willing to admit that she was happy that they hadn't gone. She cleared her throat, turning back to the books. “I can help if you need, tell me what order they go in and I’ll be done in a jiffy.” Ashton snorted behind him at his use of the word ‘jiffy’, knowing all too well what Calum was like when he was attempting to sway a girl into liking him. Not that Kori didn't like him, rather she didn’t understand him. She wasn’t quite sure how this had all happened, not able to wrap her head around what had actually conspired here tonight. She knew the danger was gone, but now she had an insight into a whole world she had no idea existed and she wasn’t sure if she could just let this go.

“Fiction over here, nonfiction over there, alphabetical order.” She hummed, head hanging low on her shoulders. “Okay. Just take a seat, this will only take a second.” He ushered her to the sofa next to Ashton, his hands idly on her shoulders and she complied. She didn’t bother with small talk with Ashton, certain he was someone she’d like to avoid, as Calum buzzed around the shop. And he was right, it only took a second and before she knew it he was standing in front of her, out of breath. “Thank you,” She offered. “The shop looks almost exactly the same.” She breathed a sigh of relief, wiping her sweaty palms on her jeans. She was more than ready to be home, wasn’t quite sure if she wanted to go home, but she knew that this moment was inevitable. Calum stared at her face, finding it easy to gauge her reaction. “What do you need us to walk you home, love?” Ashton beat him to the punchline, offering his opinion when no one had asked. “No, you annoying piece of sh-”

“I will walk you home. Ashton, I’ll meet you back at our place.” Calum interjected. He tightly smiled at Ashton and he stood, but not without a menacing chuckle. “I get it. I’ll see you at home, assuming you don’t get lost on the way there.” He headed out the door with a wink, the chime going off making Kori’s head swivel in the direction of the sound, her heartbeat picking up its pace. She couldn’t find the space in her head to be furious at Ashton’s remark, she was too preoccupied with how she knew she could never be alone in this place again.

Calum squatted down in front of her, totally out of his depths here but he was more than willing to try. “I know you’re afraid.” He placed a gentle hand on her knee, drawing her attention back to him. Her eyes shifted from his hand to his face. How gentle he looked, sincere even, and her heart was slightly put at ease. “Who are you?” She whispered, the words not much louder than a murmur, but he heard. He gave her a grin that crinkled the sides of his eyes, a light sound falling from his lips. “That’s a story for another time, love.” He rose to his feet, patting her knee on his ascend. Her eyes followed him, full of wonder and confusion, all of which were evident in her expression. “Let’s get you home.” He chuckled, offering her his hand.

—

“So, you’re telling me that you’re half human and half ghost.” Kori followed slightly behind him, kicking a cobblestone along the sidewalk. The night was unusually warm, the wind breezing through her sweater. “Ratios are inconclusive.” He chuckled, looking over his shoulder at the girl who had her eyes on the ground. Although he was walking ahead of her, he had no idea where he was going and he was beginning to wonder if she had a clue. She hadn’t looked up from the ground since she’d discovered the pebble. He didn’t mind that much, the conversation was light and growing. He was interested in her, to say the least, wasn’t often he had the time to talk to someone about his secret that wasn’t Ashton. He wasn’t opposed to someone new getting to know him, even if this was short term. He wasn’t worried that she would tell the next person she saw, the likelihood of anyone believing such a thing was rare. So he told her what she wanted to know, answered any questioned she could conjure up.

“How’d it happen? Were you born like this? Like some type of ghost baby?” She widened her strides to keep up with his pace, curls falling over her face as she looked up at him with true curiosity. Calum slowed down, angling his body towards her with his hands in his pockets. “No, love, wasn’t a ghost baby.” His smile was genuine as he looked at her. “Stepped into this ghost portal my parents were trying to build, they were scientists,” He shook his head. A smirk pulled at his lips as he remembered himself on that day, 14 years old, and more scared than he’d ever been in his entire life. “I was in there and turned the machine on by accident, haven’t been the same since.” He shrugged. “Didn’t think the damn thing would actually work.” There was a furrow in Kori’s brown as she listened to him speak. She was trying to make sense of his story, expected it to be more bizarre than it had been, and over thinking the way Calum had used the word ‘were’ when talking about his parents. He watched as her face contorted from a look of disbelief to relinquished acceptance. The reality of the story acquiesced and she settled with a curt nod of her head. Calum couldn’t help but notice the short curls bouncing along with the movement, fighting the dire urge to pull at one and watch it recoil back into place. “Tell me about yourself, Kori.” He smiled softly, gently bumping her with his arm. Her hair fell over her face as she looked down, the side of her mouth pulling down into a frown. “Nothin’ much to tell.” She shrugged. Calum turned towards her, waiting for her to continue. “C’ mon there’s gotta be something.” He prodded and she shook her head with a smile. “Promise there’s not! I’ve lived here forever, went to school downtown, and now I work at the bookshop.” She threw her hands up in a way that made Calum grin. She was simple, he liked that. He hummed at her response, eyes looking forward into the dark of the street.

“My house is up there on the left.” Kori sighed. Her hands were shoved deep into her pockets, fighting out the cold and desperately praying this departure wouldn’t be awkward. She didn’t know what this was, how this had happened and the strange pull of connection she felt towards him wasn’t helping. She wanted to keep talking, wanted him to pry more into her dull life. She wished she had more to tell him, something that would make him interested in her. But she had applications to complete, and a life to get back to in the morning despite tonight’s events. Unbeknownst to her, Calum was feeling the same way. He wondered if he would ever see her again. He wondered if he would wander into the bookshop time to time just to see her. But then he thought about how that might make her feel. If she would be worried about seeing him again. Worried about his purpose for being there. He wanted to see her again, definitely under different circumstances, and with premeditated purpose.

He followed her up the steps to the quaint front door, wondering how he’d pull this goodbye off. With hands deep in his pockets, he watched as she placed a hand onto the doorknob. Kori turned slightly to face him, gnawing at her bottom lip. “Let’s meet differently next time, yeah?” Calum offered, interrupting the silence before it got too tense, and expertly hinting that he wanted to see her again. She smiled softly, eyes casting down as they often did when she got nervous. She hadn’t a clue what to say, she wanted to see him again, knew that she somehow would even if she decided to ignore the pull. “Differently sounds good.” She decided, nodding her head slightly. Calum leaned against her porch railing, arms crossed over his chest as he smiled at her. He wasn’t quite ready to leave yet, wasn’t ready to wonder when the next time he’d talk to her would be. “So...this is goodnight?” Kori leaned against the door now, her back pressed against the cool glass of the storm door. She wasn’t making any moves to leave and he could tell, her eagerness to continue this conversation made his stomach twist in excitement. “Only if you want it to be,” Calum smirked, pushing himself off of the railing to move towards her.

Kori was all too aware of the current time and the applications lingering in the back of her mind. She knew it would be irresponsible to hang out with Calum for just a little longer. But that didn’t stop her from inviting him into her house. She figured she could submit the applications in the morning. All she had to do was attach her resumé and it would be quick and easy. Or she could do it now while Calum kept her company. She felt better about him being around, quite liked his unassuming presence. She’s never really minded being alone before, but tonight was enough to have her flinching at every suspicious noise and shivering at every cool gust of wind.  

Calum looked around her home. Books littered every flat surface of the area, the living room they’d walked into small and inviting. She had plants and a cat, that he wasn’t too sure about, laid idly on the back of the sofa. It felt cozy and lived in and he felt her space suited her. It was exactly what he would have imagined it to look and feel like. He sat gingerly on the sofa, careful not to disturb the cat, and inhaled the smell that smelled somewhat nostalgic to a time he couldn’t quite put his finger on. “Sorry about the mess,” Kori muttered, picking up a book and placing it on a stack of others. Calum shook his head vehemently, his arm coming up to rest along the back of the sofa. Again, careful of the cat named, Cat. “No, it's nice. Feels homey.” He shrugged, “Exactly how I would’ve pictured it.” Kori shot him a weird look and she picked up her laptop and sat on the other end of the sofa.

“Not that I was thinking about what your house looks like.” He hurried to fix it, catching the odd glance she gave him. “Just suits you is all.” Kori chuckled and Calum ran a hand over his face in embarrassment, a small chuckle leaving his own lips. She smiled at the computer screen, satisfied that he wasn’t as confident in himself as he seemed. “So tell me something, ghost boy, how’d you know about the ghost in the bookshop?” She tucked her legs underneath her, shifting the computer in her lap. “Ghost boy?” He smiled, turning his body so he was facing her. She nodded with a small smile, her eyes connecting with his for a brief second. She wasn’t big on eye contact, it always made her nervous - especially when the other person was a stranger.  “Just suits you is all.” She countered earning a grin and a shake of Calum’s head. “I have my ways of knowing.” He shrugged. He rested his chin in his hand, eyes watching her face, anticipating her next question. “And how’s that?” She pried. Her eyes were focused on the screen, teeth biting at her fingernails as she perfected her resumé. He contemplated telling her, wanted to be as honest as he could. But he really liked being here with her, getting to see a different - more simple - side of life. He didn’t want to say something that would jeopardize this feeling.  “Story for another time, love.” Kori rolled her eyes at that, setting the laptop on the coffee table. Her fingers mindlessly tugged at the lint on the blanket that she’d pulled into her lap.

“Come on, lovie, gotta save some conversation for next time.” He chuckled, although he felt that the conversation would never run out with her. Kori felt the same, smiling beside herself. “So, let’s talk about something other than your ghost tendencies.” She shrugged. He leaned in closer to her, fully engaged in their conversation, wherever it was headed. “Like what?” He hummed. Her eyes cast downward under his intense stare, countless thoughts of things she wanted to ask him whizzing through the forefront of her mind. “How about Ashton?” She suggested and watched as his face turned to one of displeasure. She cocked an eyebrow at that. She had supposed they were closer than friends, more like brothers in a sense. She was aware that they lived together, so she couldn't quite place why Calum had such an indifferent look on his face. “He’s, Ashton.” A breathy laugh fell from his lips as he repeated that same phrase. He brushed a hand through his curly tuffs. “He’s not always like that I promise. He can just get too excited about things, comes out looking like a douchebag most times.” Kori snorted, agreeing more than Calum understood. But she also could see how much love Calum held for Ashton in his eyes. “Is he like a ghost boy too?” She couldn’t help but ask. Calum shook his head once more. “No, we’ve been best friends since we were kids, he’s been around for it all.” He explained, hands picking at the same blanket she was picking at now. “What about you? Any best friends with complexes I should know about?” She smiled with a shrug of her shoulders, eyes looking past him to the pictures the hung on the wall. “Not many, none worth mentioning.” She decided. Calum turned his head to see what her eyes had lingered on for so long. There was a picture of her, accompanied by another woman. She looked happy. He decided not to ask more about it and judging by the sad look in her eyes, she didn’t want him to.

“Ashton is the only person that knows who I am. He’s a great friend, can’t imagine my life without him. Not to mention we make a pretty badass team.” Kori smiled as he talked about his sidekick. She didn’t particularly like Ashton but she was willing to believe he had some good in him even if he had a funny way of showing it. “You gotta get to know him, Kori. I think you and him would get along nicely.” Her face crumpled at the thought of that, which only made Calum’s smile widen. “I don’t think so.” She waved her hand dismissively. “Maybe someday.” She offered to his pleading eyes, finding it bizarre that they were even having this conversation. A conversation about more. A conversation about what they wanted for tomorrow. She wanted tomorrow, admittedly or not.

“Is it hard?” She asked, brown eyes shifting up to his. Calum cocked his head to the side in confusion. “Keeping such a huge secret?” She continued, suddenly aware of his close proximity. If she would move her hand forward half an inch, she would be touching his. She debated touching his hand, wondering if he was cold like a ghost, or if his human portion kept him warm. “Sometimes,” He sighed. “It’s nice that I have Ashton, he understands. Keeps me level headed.” Kori nodded, eyes focused on the blanket. “But now you know too.” He stared at her, gauging her reaction. “That’s one more person to share it with.” He smiled when she looked at him, feeling like a teenager. She hummed, accidentally brushing his hand with her fingertips. She pulled her hand away, staring down at where the offense was made. She noticed the tattoos littering his left hand. There were initials adjacent to his thumb, ‘JKH’ and written higher was the word “Alive” on his wrist. The tattoos most definitely suited him. She wondered if they disappeared when he transformed, what they meant to him. Her eyes followed up his arms, more dark ink covered his skin, each one more beautiful than the last. Calum watched her as she gazed at him, wishing he knew what she was thinking. She was fighting the urge to reach out and trace the dark ink, wanted to know his story fully. She didn’t ask or touch him, rather broke her gaze to find his eyes already watching her. She cleared her throat, leaning back against the arm of the sofa.

She was feeling almost superior because now she was in on a huge secret the world hadn’t even begun to suspect about. She knew something no one would believe even if she tried to tell them. She had seen it, first hand lived it, and knew that she wouldn’t ever be able to forget it. And no she was sitting here, on her couch, with the man that had all the answers. It was hard to fathom that seemingly only two, now three, people knew what the world was genuinely like. And that there was a man out there willing and able to defeat these beings without fear. Kori’s mouth was dry as she began to really think about it. She began to comprehend what all of this meant and she wondered if she would now be subject to this underworld of mystery. This excited her in a way, gave her some type of relinquished freedom that she didn’t know she’d been searching for. Her second feeling was that of uncertainty. That, yes, she felt liberated but this wasn’t her life to live or story to tell. This was Calum’s identity, the rush wasn’t hers to feel.

This was unlike any novel of any genre that she’d read before. This was something entirely obscure. “Are you ever scared?” She asked, eyes falling to his hands that seemed abnormally large. “Used to be.” He answered. “Then it just became normal. I was fighting ghosts more than I was doing anything else.” He sighed. He didn’t resent his life, knew it was something he hadn’t been able to control. But sometimes he wished he’d never went into that portal in the first place, then the problem wouldn’t have been his. “Ever wish you could just stop?” She queried as if she had been reading his mind. Calum shrugged, having never given the question much thought. He’d always wondered what if this had never happened, had never considered giving up ghost fighting altogether. “Don’t know who I’d be without it.” She hummed in response to that, eyes finally meeting his for longer than a few seconds. He studied her face easier now, the task was somewhat difficult as she was always looking at the floor. She had soft features, an inviting face. Browns eyes, wide and framed by thick long lashes. Freckles dotted over her cheeks and nose, with beautiful brown skin beneath them. Her cheekbones were prominent, evident that she’d have a beautiful smile. Which, Calum could confirm, she did.

“My one friend, Desi, always said my life was too boring.” Kori snorted, head tilting as she looked at Calum some more. “Bet she’d change her mind if she’d seen tonight.” She shook her head and a smile grew on Calum’s face. “She definitely would.” He agreed. Kori sighed, shrinking deeper into her couch as the exhaustion from the day crept up on her. It was well after midnight now, their conversation was lighter as they both felt the evil hands of time ticking around them. Kori didn’t want Calum to leave, his company was refreshing. He wasn’t someone who was worried about what her plans were for the future. He wasn’t one to plan and study his own. She didn’t have to worry about the inevitable disappointment being sprung on her - that was common in her life. This relationship had begun from a strange beginning, and she had no doubt that it would be more adventurous than she could anticipate. As Calum typed his name in her phone as ‘ghost boy’ with a childish grin on his face, she grew excited for just that. Adventure. As frightening as that adventure might be. With a wave goodnight, Calum descended her porch steps excited for tomorrow even though tomorrow hadn’t promised him anything.  

4.19.19 x

Masterlist

[theabominableblogger]

Rewatching “Batman Returns”

*zips up coat*  Welp, it’s snowy out.  It snows a lot in this movie.  Might as well watch it cause Netflix put all the other Burton-Schumacher movies up. 

*in best Han Solo voice*  I got a bad feeling about this....

[Mr. Cobblepot stands in front of the window as his wife is giving birth in another room] *in best Pee Wee Herman voice*  PEE WEE?!?  What are you doing here?!?

YOU LOCKED THE BABY [Oswald] IN A CAGE?!?

I feel like this movie gets even more Tim Burton-y as it goes on.

*jams along to the Batman theme*

Yeah no way.  That baby’s dead.  End of movie.

Stan Winston!

So... the Batman opens with the creation of the Penguin. 

*nods*

DC Comics *ding*

[Directed by Tim Burton] Yes, we know!

Matte painting!

“Man or Myth:  Or is he?”  Bum bum BUUUUUMMMMMM!!

Hey Alfred!

Is that Felix the Cat as the logo for Shreck?

Oh my Godddd, Christopher Walken....

“Frankly, I [Shreck] cringe, Mr. Mayor.”  It needs more cowbell!

You can tell they tried to make Michelle Pfeiffer really frumpy before she put on the Catsuit

The dude who plays Schreck’s son is trying his darn best to replicate Christopher Walken’s accent

“Remind me [Shreck] to take it out on what’s-her-name.”  You had her [Selina] as your secretary for God knows how long and you don’t know her name?

Ominous red lighting...

*The clown henchmen run out of the giant present*  I SAW DOUG JONES!

I totally forgot that @actordougjones was in this movie!  Holy crap!

Ohhhh that’s an awesome shot!

I wanna be that one random clown henchman just casually walking down the street on stilts and completely ignoring everything that’s going on.

“That was very brief.  Just like all the men in my life.”

Of course there’s a graveyard in this movie.

Wait, isn’t that one sculpture the one thing that pops up in Beetlejuice?

Gotta admit, the makeup on Danny Devito looks awesome

“You [Shreck] and I [Oswald] are similar.”  You both have hair.

“What, is that [umbrella] supposed to hypnotize me [Shreck]?”  I literally just had that same thought.

Wait so if Penguin doesn’t know his human name, how do his henchmen address him?  Do they just call him “Penguin-Man” all the time?

“Honey, I’m home!  Oh, I forgot- I’m not married.”  Gotta hammer it in that she’s single

I want that black cat like now

Why does Selina have a pair of tomatoes in the window?

WHY WOULD YOU GIVE YOUR CAT MILK?!?

Why would you [Selina] even open the protected files?

Worst.  Secretary.  Ever.

Green screen!

Yep, nope, she [Selina] dead.  There should a puddle of blood around her.

Here’s a fun fact:  cats will eat your dead body.  No joke.

Those tights are covered in runs.  Selina, were you even thinking while getting dressed this morning?

So is she [Shreck] just repeating the actions that she did before Shreck tried to kill her.

“... a candlelight staff meeting for two.”  Holy crap, how did I never catch that?

WHY ARE YOU SHREDDING THE STUFFED ANIMALS?!?  ESPECIALLY THE SOCK MONKEY?!?

Though in all seriousness, if she did shred them in the sink like this, she’d only get like half of one properly shredded.  Pretty sure sink shredders don’t work like that.

Where did the random black spray paint come from?

Is that wire?

“I don’t know about you, Ms. Kitty, but I feel so much yummier.”  Who wrote the script for this?

Hi Doug Jones!

So the Penguin is on this rising duck mechanism but then he’s able to pop fully out of the sewer in the sidewalk and step out?  Did his seat have a rising platform as well?

For a Batman movie, I’m 35 minutes in, and there hasn’t been a lot of Batman.

If Penguin doesn’t know his birth name, how the heck is he gonna find his parents in the public records?

Snowwww... all the snow...

I’m digging the top hat Penguin has

Are those black roses Penguin’s putting on his parents’ grave?  Of course they are.

“I was their number one son, and they treated me like number two...”  Oh my God...

So how is Selina able to beat up dudes when she even says that this is her first time doing that?

Can’t Bruce just sit next to Shreck or something so that he doesn’t have to toss the report across the table?

Freaking Bruce’s mouth stays open the entire time Selina is in the room.  Close it before a fly goes in!

So if Shreck were “the people’s man,” shouldn’t he have let Oswald finish eating the raw fish upstairs in his den before escorting him down to the surprise?

And why is Oswald’s hideout above a public workplace?

Why would you elect Oswald mayor anyway?  Why would Gotham ever think that this was a good idea in the first place?!?

“I’d like to fill her void.”  Noooooooooooooooo......

Did Shreck just reference the Reichstag fire?  Buddy, no.....

Doggie!

Gotham looks so much smaller than it did in the first movie

*Batman programs the Batarang to hit all four people*  Whaaaattt?

Most iconic shot of the whole movie.

Where’d she get the whip?

*Catwoman starts jump roping with the whip*  I mean... same though.

Wilhelm Scream!

He [Batman] just killed that dude!

Why does the store have a functioning microwave out in the first place?  At night time?

“Meow.”  Fun story:  so my dad and my sister I were watching this on FX and my dad refused to leave the hotel for supper until after this scene because he thought this part was hilarious.

It’s [the Penguin’s umbrella] actually a helicopter... 

*instant Star Wars Rebels flashbacks*

Matte painting!

Is that actually eyeshadow Michael Keaton’s wearing underneath the cowl?

*actually turns off the volume when Oswald flirts with one of the younger voters*

“Just the pussy I’ve been looking for.”  What was the age demographic for this movie again?

*Catwoman starts giving herself a bath*  Eewwwww....

I want Selina’s coat like now.

“Who are you [Oswald]?”  The dude’s running for mayor, and you don’t know him?

“Sickos don’t scare me.  At least they’re committed.”  “Well.. yeah...”  I mean...

“I will relay the message.”  Alfred is the best wingman imaginable.

Gotta get out the rubber cowl...

So how the heck was Penguin able to break into the Batmobile if he hadn’t even seen it before?

*The Ice Princess falls right on top of the fuse box*  Yeah, no, she’s dead.

*quotes the mistletoe quote*

[Catwoman literally licks Batman across the mouth]  *barely audible* Whyyyyy.....

“Let’s consummate this fiendish union.”  Nooooooo....

Now that I think about it, this movie is basically 70% one-liners and sexual innuendos

Oh, now the Batmobile detects a foreign object?

There’s a poster in the crowd that says “Oswald Means Order”

“Security?  Who let Vicki Vale into the Batcave?”  He’s [Bruce] got a point there, Alfred.

[Frequency Jammed]  Is it raspberry?

When the heck did Batman record Oswald during the Batmobile takeover?

OK guys, who brought the lettuce?  Is there always a random farmer’s market who always hangs out at important speeches for that reason only?

“Why is there always someone who brings eggs and tomatoes to a speech?!?”  Exactly!

“Did you miss me?”  Andrew Scott said it better.

“I am not a human being!  I am an animal!”  Why you gotta try and reference “The Elephant Man” like that?

Did I just hear the opening notes for “Can’t Touch This” by MC Hammer?

I like the dude in the background that has the the Leaning Tower of Pisa as part of his mask

Mask of the Red Death in the background!  And on a staircase nonetheless!

*sings* WHY SO SILENT, GOOD MONSIEURS....

I want Selina’s dress.  I don’t care that it’s probably gonna show off my scoliosis but that’s a super nice dress.

Batman even has his own customized stationary?

“Many of you won’t be coming back.”  Some of you may die, but it’s a sacrifice... I am willing to make!

*jams out to the Batman theme once again*

Fun fact:  they used actual penguins for this scene when they’re running around with firecrackers on their backs.  But not actual firecrackers because hello, what’s wrong with you?

“Estimated casualties 100,000 people.”  I think the most we’ve ever seen in this movie concerning the townspeople is like 50 or something.

Random question:  how come we never see Penguin actually swim?

*The duck boat thing drives up the stairs*  Would that even be possible?

Oh, so Batman comes out of the crash totally fine?  Dude, your cowl is freaking rubber!

*Penguins sets off the firecrackers attached to the penguins*  WHY?!?!?  YOU KNEW THAT THEY WERE STANDING LIKE TWENTY FEET AWAY FROM YOU!

*The Arctic World sign collapses*  No, not the polar bear!

*Bruce tears off the main part of his cowl* 

So how does the whole actual nine lives left?  Selina got shot in the shoulder and side, so those aren’t kill shots.  So technically, she still has four lives left instead of two.

*Bruce finds Shreck’s electrocuted corpse*  Wow, “Mars Attacks” looks horrible, you guys.

I’m pretty sure Oswald’s just spitting up green goo or something because that’s definitely not blood.

“I need a cold drink of ice water.”  Those are terrible dying words

Netflix just captioned the mourning penguin noises as “Awk Awk”

Aaawww the cat!

Why do you have the front passenger window open, Alfred?  Bruce is gonna be freezing sitting in the back.

*Catwoman looks up toward the Batsignal*  There ya go

[oodlyenough]

kali watches iron fist so you don’t have to: 1.01-1.03

i’m watching iron fist for two main reasons, the first being that i’m going to watch the defenders and i have a compulsive need to Know Everything, and the second combined reason being that i wanna see colleen and claire. that’s ... pretty much it. for the record, though, as much as i may have gone into this anticipating that i would not like it based on the reviews, it’s not like i actively want to hate it -- i would very much like to not be bored by all of danny’s stuff in defenders, i would much prefer to be invested in all 4 of the leads and to feel like this dude is worthy of hanging around jessica, matt and luke, all of whom i adore. 

but here we are. so. if you wanted to know the basics but don’t want to watch, episodes 1-3:

my first overall impression of this show is that the reviews were more or less correct: the characters aren’t that compelling, the pacing is boring, the fight scenes (there’s been... like...... 3 so far) are nothing special.

the cast of characters:

danny is probably supposed to be perceived as sweetly naive, but is mainly infuriatingly oblivious. he frequently ignores the requests of women and laughs at them when they express that they feel threatened by them. “i’m not dangerous!” he insists quite often for a guy who, when angry, lashes out violently.

when he first meets colleen, he speaks mandarin to her unprompted. yeah.

marvel is no stranger to the “white guy you hate to love” trope, so it’s weird how much they missed the mark with danny. like, on the face of it, he shouldn’t be that much less likable than someone like tony stark, and yet. And Yet. there’s just not a lot going on here: humour or charm or warmth or ...anything, really.

colleen wing runs a dojo and at this point really just wants to live her life but fucking danny won’t leave her alone. i like colleen, but so far she hasn’t been given a lot to do besides be shown up by danny, who explains dojo custom to her, shows her how to fight better (yes, really) and flagrantly ignores her wishes at every turn. she is at this point just about danny’s only ally. free her.

colleen also participates in a fight club where she wins money... because she uses the trick danny taught her. where would we be without him?

brother and sister dynamic duo ward & joy meachum used to be danny’s childhood “friends”, and i use air quotes because in the early flashbacks we see, “friend” is probably the wrong word. more accurately they were danny’s babysitters slash bullies.

ward is a moustache-twirling bully maybe 5 years danny’s senior who obviously gave danny swirlies. canonically we are told he used to lock danny in the freezer. we see a flashback of him playing monopoly with danny, where he angrily tells danny that his dad says “rules are for PUSSIES” and knocks the tokens off the board and then tattles to the parents that danny is misbehaving five seconds later.

joy is supposed to be the nice one, i guess. joy is actually pretty horrible in these 3 episodes, like everyone else on the show, but ostensibly she is “the nice meachum”, whereby nice means “doesn’t lock children in freezers, probably”. i suspect her arc will be learning her family secrets and defecting to some kind of redemption arc, but she literally auctions off a human being’s liver for political gain, so, that redemption is gonna be a tough sell.

henry or harry or something meachum is the patriarch puppetmaster of this horrible clan, and he is “dead”. except he isn’t dead, he lives in a secret penthouse that he can’t leave for fear of reprisal from the Hand, and only his son and his manservant know he’s alive. joy believes he is dead. why all of this is true is part of the mystery of the show, i think, but i also zone out every time henry and ward have scenes because they are both boring people, so it’s hard to say for sure.

jeri hogarth from jessica jones fame is a long-lost family friend of danny, and the first person to easily believe he is danny rand because he tells her some anecdotes from the start of her career as a law intern at rand enterprises. (rand... corp? rand co? whatever.) she puts danny up in a BEAUTIFUL apartment she just happens to have lying around. danny takes his high-threadcount sheet and sleeps on the floor.  

the basic plot of these episodes is this:

danny rand arrives in new york looking like he is homeless, walks into the giant building that bears his family name, and announces to everyone that this is his building and he is danny rand. no one believes him, because danny rand is supposed to have died 15 years ago, and also he seemingly hasn’t showered in, like, a decade. 

he decides the way to convince people of his real identity is to beat up a bunch of security guards and force his way into the building. at this point you see that it is a plot necessity for danny to be white, because if he was not white and, as a seemingly homeless person, attacked a bunch of rich people, he would probably already have been killed by police like 15 minutes into the pilot

he also breaks into someone’s house. 

nobody believes danny is danny. that is essentially the plot of the first 2 episodes in their entirety.

danny also spends the first two episodes living on the streets, by which i mean meditating under a tree in the in-between scenes. the local other homeless people reach out to him, and he has these weird moments of “haha oh i’m not actually one of you!!” and the other homeless people sort of pityingly tell him where he can get shoes.

he doesn’t wear shoes for like two episodes. everyone asks him to put on shoes: the meachums, colleen, fellow homeless people 

one of his homeless pals has an iphone (stolen) and explains that it will have data briefly before the original owner cancels the contract. danny’s first act confronted with the internet is to vanity google “danny rand”

through this he learns that everyone believes he died in the plane crash that killed his parents, and that his parents’ company, “Rand”, is now run by family friends the meachum siblings.

claiming to not believe him, the meachum siblings conspire to drug danny and send him to some kind of psych ward which seems to just kidnap homeless people, diagnose and drug them. what follows is about an episode’s worth of danny being strapped to a bed and drugged while we do the “i AM danny rand” “no you’re not” argument repeatedly.

this includes joy mailing him some M&Ms and danny mailing her back only the brown ones, which joy considers incontrovertible proof this is Really Danny, since apparently as children they both refused to eat brown M&Ms even though literally every colour of M&M tastes exactly the same. ward convinces her this is just a crazy coincidence~~~

i am assuming based on their treatment of danny, as well as the weird meachum-family livestream in the hospital rooms, that this hospital place isn’t legitimate, but its real raison d’etre has yet to be explained and may never be.

danny finally manages to balance his chi (really), which allows him to activtae his glow-y fist superpower and break out of the psych ward. he shows up at colleen’s house and somehow convinces her to let him stay the night, promising he’ll leave the next day.

some goons come looking for him, colleen kicks their asses, and the next day danny refuses to leave, because he needs to “protect” her. colleen says she doesn’t need protection, fuck you very much, and they have a friendly spar match to prove that Actually danny is better at martial arts than she is.

he promises to pay her a year’s worth of rent if she’ll just let him stay for one week. “you don’t have any money” says colleen to a man who hasn’t worn shoes in two episodes. “of course i have money i’m danny rand!!!” says danny, who i guess thinks he can just walk into any bank and demand a billion dollars on the honour system. colleen relents, because she wants money.

danny shows up at joy’s house to try and make nice with her, and what follows is kind of baffling. it was also obvious from the start that joy meachum thinks danny might actually be danny rand, and she feels sort of bad about how she and her brother conspire to kidnap, drug and gaslight him, yet her apology is... to offer him $40m to fuck off, change his name and never lay claim to his family’s corporation.

like, to be clear, danny is pretty uninteresting and not especially sympathetic on account of how he talks over all the women in his life and has no significant redeeming traits, but he’s still drugged and ends up held in a “psych ward” strapped to a bed and forcefed sedatives while everyone tells him he’s insane, and joy’s reaction to all of this is kind of a shrug, because she and her brother Worked Hard For The MoneyTM and don’t want to share it with some jackass who had the audacity to be in a plane crash as a child

danny steals a children’s craft he made for her when they were kids, lawyers up, and threatens to take them to court for his shares in the company. he then follows ward home, where he discovers that the meachum patriarch is actually still alive, right before being shoved out a window, Game of Thrones style.

RIP iron fist

it probably sounds like i’m kidding. that’s seriously what happens. if only the series just ended now.

[acn59685-blog]

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