#and the ending of the chapter wouldn't have as much impact. you know?

[zukkaoru]

as much as it emotionally destroyed me, i do have to say those last two pages of bsd 109 are like. the perfect cliffhanger. and i'm kind of super glad bsd releases monthly rather than weekly so it can actually hold the weight it was given

[my-current-obsession]

My second playthrough of Engage is going well (just finished chapter 17) and I’m still enjoying the gameplay and have definitely had a better time getting supports with my knowledge of how to game the arena as well as having access to the new support-gaining options from the start. However I’m starting to worry about the game’s long-term replayability.

In most FE games, even if the gameplay is only so-so, I can power through several runs basically because of shipping - I’d play the game multiple times to get different paired ends. I’ve already complained about that a lot in other posts, so I won’t rehash it here beyond saying obviously that’s not possible in this case. Sure, you can get different paired endings for Alear, but honestly most of the pact ring scenes and ESPECIALLY the endings are weak. Even for the people who care more about the self-inserting and picking who they want to be with as opposed to matchmaking, I doubt this would be satisfying enough on its own to merit multiple runs of the game.

So if that aspect and reason to replay the game is gone, what’s left? Gameplay, obviously. And yes, the gameplay is good - great, even! This is the most fun I’ve ever had in an FE game when it comes to actually playing the maps. However I can already feel myself falling into complacent gaming - I KNOW from a previous run which characters are better (unless they get super RNG screwed) and which combinations of emblems/units works best, and I find myself defaulting to those rather than experimenting.

It doesn’t help that this game makes it kind of difficult/punishing to do so. There are A LOT of resources to track and use in this game, and they’re all somewhat limited. Up until chapter 17 you’re limited on how many master/second seals you can get, and even once you have unlimited access... they’re expensive! And more than ANY other FE game, this one makes it hard to get money. Even knowing NOT to spend as much money donating to the countries on a second run, you’ll probably run out of cash FAST between buying seals, weapons/staves, and forging the weapons.

There are certain units that basically NEED to be reclassed in order to perform well - in particular, Anna, Etie, Lapis, and maybe Clanne would be better in classes they can’t promote to naturally. But it’s hard to justify using them and wasting TWO seals (a master AND second seal) when the rest of your army only needs one seal to do well or comes as a VERY good pre-promote. That’s not even getting into how due to the relative lack of seals and their cost, I’m less inclined to reclass units just for fun or to see how they fare in radically different roles.

3 Houses had a lot of flaws and overall the gameplay is NOT as good as Engage, but I DID appreciate being able to build my starting class however I pleased. It was a tedious process, but it was rewarding to play the same route multiple times and use most of the same units, but with VERY different classes/roles. In particular, the more balanced, well-rounded units were SO fun to teach since they could perform well in almost any class!

Meanwhile in Engage, I spend a lot of time LOOKING at the classes available to everyone and thinking it might be nice/fun to reclass some people, but ultimately, they’re doing “well enough” in their default class and I can’t justify wasting the seal(s) just for an experiment that might not pan out. If I use that seal, either one more person doesn’t get to promote/reclass or I’m wasting 2500+ gold.

That’s not even getting into the scarcity of the forging resources or how quickly you can blow through your bond fragments (and in ways that aren’t ideal) if you’re not careful. With so many resources to manage, all of which you CAN technically gain more of but only through playing extra battles (which are at best boring or difficult, and at worst DEADLY on classic), it really feels like you’re discouraged from experimenting. You want to hold onto as many resources as possible for as long as you can, so you can’t throw them around for fun to see what works.

What this game needs (as several people have pointed out already) is some kind of new game plus. There NEEDS to be a version of this game where you carry over at least SOME of the things you gained/accomplished into a new game. Personally I’d like to see it carrying over your donation levels, emblem bond levels, and MAYBE bond rings and the weapons you had/forged (though obviously removing any engravings. Also probably still erasing all the special S rank weapons).

I don’t see HOW people are expected to “complete” the game without that, honestly. Donating to the countries is too much of a money sink for one contained run, but if you had multiple playthroughs to do it, it wouldn’t be an issue. Especially since you’d get a bunch of money at specific chapters each run, and if you retain weapons too, you’d spend less of it on forging. If you don’t retain weapons... well, at least the higher donation level means you’re getting more iron/steel/silver from every map from the start, so you don’t HAVE to do skirmishes just to get resources.

Retaining bond levels means you don’t have to waste fragments getting the SAME bonds and skills and conversations with the same units. Instead you can chip away at the CBA bond level for every Emblem/unit pair. As for bond rings, I’d mainly want to see them retained so you don’t have to deal with as much gatcha hell in getting all the rings.

And of course on a new game plus, with all the extra resources at your disposal and less ways you NEED to spend it, you’d be free to experiment more with reclassing units!

I’m just disappointed because I genuinely LOVE this game but there are so many ways it could be better and give me a reason to keep playing it. A lot of the characters are great and I honestly see a ton of shipping potential in the supports... but they all go nowhere without paired endings. The gameplay is the best it’s ever been for FE, and I’d love to experiment and come at it with different units and builds... but I’m so scared of wasting valuable resources that I’m mostly unwilling to experiment and instead stick to the units that are reliable as-is.

[lucysarah-c]

~ Holy Ground ch. 1 ~

Summary:

"Alright, get comfortable because this is going to be a long, crappy tale. Join me as we travel down memory lane, back when Erwin wasn't yet a commander, when Mike and Nanaba couldn't keep their hands off each other, when Hange was… well, Hange. And Levi? Well, Levi was a twenty-four-year-old man who didn't give a damn about the rules. Are you ready?"

Warnings: This story contains age gaps, time period misogyny and mentions of homophobia, strong and offensive language, underage sex, alcohol, smoking, implied/referenced of drug use. This is a very slow burn so everyhthing takes a while to happen. Explicit sex content. Virginity, loss of virginity, cheating, mentions of cheating, pregnancy but no by the main character, consensual sex, consensual underage sex, underage kissing.

Pairing: Levi x Reader x Erwin. Levi x Reader are end game. (this is not eruri). This story takes place after ACWNR but BEFORE season 1.

-> Masterlist to all the chapters! <-

Just after Historia's coronation but before the expedition to Wall Maria, this story took place. Everything was coming to an end after a long and exhausting day of duty in the legion. The night had already fallen, and dinner at the mess hall was over. Our lively group of cadets had planned to sneak out after curfew to enjoy their youth. Well, that was the plan IF a certain short black-haired captain didn’t catch wind of it.

The plan was simple: they would all wait in their respective shared rooms and beds until the last superior left the public areas. It wouldn't be too difficult if Sasha and Connie could refrain from cracking jokes, or if Eren and Jean could postpone their petty arguments. They were just a few meters away from the front door, with the gates right in front of them. They were so close that they could already feel the cold autumn air brushing against their faces. However, their intentions and dreams crumbled like water slipping through their fingers when a throat was cleared loudly in the room. Some of them bit their bottom lips and closed their eyes, while others, like Eren and Jean, clenched their teeth, as if bracing for impact. On the other hand, Mikasa, with her usual calm demeanor, turned to confirm her suspicions. Sure enough, Y/N was leaning against the doorframe, holding a cup of tea in her hands. Her arched eyebrow silently questioned the cadets, who knew they better answer soon.

"It's not what it looks like!" Jean was the first to attempt a convincing response but faltered flatly.

"Really? Then what does it look like?" the superior took a sip of her freshly brewed tea and followed up with a verbal question this time.

Armin was next in line to offer an acceptable excuse, but before he could even finish, the woman shook her head with closed eyes.

"Oh, sweet summer child, you can't hold a candle to me," she said with a tired voice, followed by a loud sigh.

The group of teenagers looked at each other, trying to gauge how many hours of punishment awaited them. It wasn't too much to ask, after all! The fair was in town, and wanting to have some fun during one of the few nights when the town came alive in the late hours shouldn't be a crime. Truth be told, they didn't know what their superior could actually do to them. They were accustomed to the captain's cold treatment, but Y/N's? Not really, since she had recently returned to work.

"Well? Are you planning to stand here all night or what? Come on, follow me," the young woman ordered, making her way in the opposite direction of the main door.

Without a doubt, the famous group followed closely behind her. They didn't dare make a sound as they walked in an unknown direction. The clock in the common area struck midnight as the group navigated the halls of the Scouting Legion's building. During their expedition (not precisely outside the walls), the young men in the group couldn't help but notice their superior's revealing outfit. She wore an oversized grey shirt that clearly didn't belong to her, along with a pair of shorts that left little to the imagination. She wasn't even wearing shoes, walking through the halls barefoot and without any source of light. It was as if she knew the corridors like the back of her hand. Armin, the clever one of the team, was the first to notice that he had seen that shirt before, and his blue eyes shone with his brand-new discovery. It was (Y/N) who broke the silence.

"Allow me to give you a few tips for next time," she said, walking and turning around to face the team.

"Never try to sneak out through the main door. Why? All the superiors' offices are on the upper floors, and none of them go to sleep so early. Conclusion: you're going to be heard. Second, never wait until everyone is supposed to be asleep. You may think that the darkness of the night will protect you, but it only makes things worse. Next time, try to do it right after dinner. Everybody is still walking around, so it won't be strange if you're out and about. But don't all go together; that's suspicious. Plus, the superiors usually stay a bit longer, chatting about life or whatever."

The 104th promotion was in shock. Since when do the superiors give advice on how to break the rules? However, they were all taking mental notes of this valuable information. Every wise word that came from the woman's lips was pure and solid gold.

"Last but certainly not least," she said as they turned the corner and entered an old storage room for forgotten equipment. "Use a hidden door."

She walked straight toward the stone wall at the end of the room. She moved the old boxes, covered in dust, and muttered to herself, loud enough for the rest to hear, "the fifth brick from the left," then pushed with all her strength. Suddenly, a secret door opened, revealing the cold night sky.

The teenagers were completely overwhelmed to see such an awesome secret hidden behind that old, mossy wall.

"When you want to come back, there's a small leather handle on the other side. Just give it a gentle pull, and you're in. It's as heavy as it looks," she clarified, so the team could return without being seen. "If I were you, I wouldn't do it tonight. Tomorrow, you have an intense practice session with Levi, and you'll regret this. But nothing like the present, right? Come on, let's go! I have better things to do than freeze to death here."

After the last sentence, all of them rushed out in a hurry, except for Armin, who looked at his superior with curiosity. She could easily tell that the blond short kid was her favorite; his wisdom and curiosity reminded her of herself when she was still a little girl.

"Why?" he simply asked.

"Because I was once young too," she replied, crossing her arms on her chest. "And just because I'm having an awful and boring night doesn't mean you have to as well. Go on! Have fun, get drunk, enjoy it while you can."

The group was expecting various resolutions to this outburst of rebellion, but this was certainly not one of them. Of course, they didn't waste any time and went out. While the young ones were having the time of their lives, (Y/N) made her way back to her room with her now cold tea. If someone could have seen her face, they would have noticed that she wasn't the happiest woman wandering around that night.

Lost in her memories, she tried to recall the last time she used that secret door. As she pondered, another memory burst into her mind like a firework: the very first time they had discovered that secret door. A nostalgic smile appeared on her face, resembling that of a mother watching her child play in the backyard.

The voice of experience never seems to fail when it comes to predicting the future, better than any oracle ever created.

"For fuck's sake! What the hell is wrong with all of you today?!" The unmistakable voice of Captain Levi echoed in the training area as his team seemed to be devastated that morning. "What a shitty performance you're all giving today!"

The woman, who was supervising the training, hid her laughing face behind the notebook where she took her notes. The short man turned around to see what was so funny, and she tried to regain her composure in front of him, but failed miserably. The only sounds coming from the cadets were yawns and tired attempts to reply "yes, sir" with enthusiasm.

"Let them go, Levi. They can't even keep their eyes open," she tried to convince the black-haired man.

Not at all pleased, Levi chickled his tongue and rolled his eyes. He knew she was right; training in this state was pointless. However, he wanted nothing more than to kick all those brats' asses for making him waste his time.

"Alright, you shitty brats, get the hell out of the area before I kick each and every one of you so hard that you'll stay awake for an entire week," he pronounced with an irritated tone.

He couldn't even finish his sentence before his team was already making their way back to their rooms. But they weren't the only ones trying to escape from humanity's strongest soldier. The woman gathered her things and attempted to sneak away before he could notice.

"This better be the last damn time you let them sneak out during training days. Am I making myself clear?" Levi turned around and said to the young woman who had been sitting next to him just a few minutes ago.

"Oh, come on, Levi! Let it go this time," she replied, chuckling. "We were young once too."

She tried to ease the tension with a sweet smile, glad that they were talking like usual. However, the look he gave her caused her to lower her gaze with sadness in her eyes. She wondered when everything would go back to normal. She missed him and the warm, small smile that he only had for her.

"It won't happen again, sir," she said, not even attempting to conceal her sorrow as she walked away.

Reader’s pov

The day went without any problems and was relatively peaceful, as peaceful as a day at the scouts can be. We had a little meeting with the remaining superiors. Levi seems to insist on giving me the cold, silent treatment. Last night, I tried to change things a bit, hoping that after nearly six months of chilly nights, he would warm up to me. I even went ahead and offered him a massage, wearing nothing but his shirt. I know how much he likes it. But even the freezing marble floor beneath my bare feet felt warmer than him.

I wonder if this is as difficult for him as it is for me. After enduring his cold treatment, the words slipped out of my lips. I couldn't hold back, I needed to ask him.

"Are we breaking up? Just tell me so I can stop making a fool of myself in front of you. Come on, muster the courage to say it," I said, feeling tears welling up in the corners of my eyes.

"Don't shout. You'll wake up the entire legion," he replied without even looking up from his paperwork. "Whether we break up or not, it's not my decision. I'm not the one hiding information here."

As he finished his cold-hearted sentence, I quickly put on the first pair of shorts I could find and ran out of the room. I needed some tea to calm my mind. This was all too much for my weary body. While I was in the kitchen, I overheard Levi's squad attempting to sneak out. Initially, I considered walking away, but I knew Levi would catch them. However, he wouldn't dare intervene if I were with them, not after our little argument in our shared room. So, I made a decision. I helped them out.

And now, here I am. I just took a shower in the common area because Hange's bathroom is dirtier than any titan's mouth. I walk down the corridors, wondering if I'll have to sleep on Hange's sofa once again. My lower abdomen is throbbing with pain. A comforting cup of black tea made by my wonderful boyfriend would be a dream, but dreaming of freedom for humanity seems more realistic than that. On my way, I notice a group of cadets stationed at the watch post outside the building. Among all the scouts, I recognize those faces—it's Levi's team. I bet they're being forced to pull an all-nighter for night watch duty as punishment. Typical.

"Well, well, look at that. Not only do I grant you a free pass, a free morning, but also a night of bonding with friends at the watch post," I say, making my presence known among the group. This causes Jean to spit out the liquid he was drinking, and all of them turn around with pale faces.

"Calm down, guys. I'm not here to punish any of you."

They all let out a collective sigh of relief upon seeing me.

"For a moment, we thought you were a real hard-ass superior," Connie says, chuckling, which surprises me and widens my eyes.

"Excuse me, brat?! What do you mean by 'real superior'?" I ask, irritated by the tone in my voice.

"We didn't mean to offend you! It's just, it's just…" Armin tries his best to salvage the situation after his comrade messes up.

I can't help but burst into laughter as I struggle to sit between Eren and Jean. I clutch my lower abdomen, right where my bandages are. I wonder when the pain will finally subside.

"It's alright, I was just teasing all of you," I say, observing their puzzled expressions as they exchange glances, trying to decipher why I'm here. I wish I knew myself what the hell I'm doing here. But honestly, anything is better than going back to my room and pretending that everything is okay when it's not. "Do you mind if I spend the night with you? As a token of appreciation, you can ask me anything you want."

I enjoy the way their faces change upon hearing the last part, especially Armin. That little blondie's blue eyes gleam with curiosity. But Jean isn't far behind; his expression screams, "I'm going to confirm all the juicy rumors." However, to my surprise, it's neither of them who asks the first question.

"Do you know how to do Captain Levi's spin?! Can you teach me?" Eren enthusiastically shouts the first question.

"I'm afraid I don't, sorry sugar cube," I reply, oblivious to the numerous protocols I've just violated with a single response.

I'm not accustomed to dealing with cadets; my work has never involved interacting with them. I can tell they're taken aback by my pleasant demeanor, especially Eren, whose face turns crimson at my nickname.

"Are you Captain Levi's girlfriend?" Armin's question feels like a stab to my injured heart. Everyone gasps at the question; I suppose they all had their own speculations.

'Right where it hurts, Armin, right where it hurts,' I think, while I try to come up with a realistic reply. Technically, I'm still Levi's girlfriend. ' His freaking five-year-old girlfriend.'

"I am, but I'm guessing you already knew that, didn't you?" I respond with elegance, attempting to sound confident.

Immediately after my reply, the entire group starts bombarding me with question after question. It's as if “Levi's girlfriend” title has opened a door they've all been yearning to enter. I can't help but let out a small laugh at the situation I've gotten myself into. I'm like that bold friend who's been intimate before the rest of the girl group, and now everyone wants to know every detail about the brand-new topic.

"Whoa, calm down, guys! One question at a time," I say, gesturing with my hands for a momentary break.

"Is it true that he was from the Underground and he was a rebel?" Eren once again fires off a question, a quick kid armed with surprisingly accurate information.

"Where did you hear all that?" I inquire before answering, unable to contain my laughter. "It's true, he was quite the rebel when he arrived from the Underground. He even used to wear a black leather jacket during his free days. I must admit, it suited him."

They take a brief moment to process the new information, mouths agape, before the barrage of questions resumes. I do my best to respond to each of them to the best of my ability before Jean asks the one million dollar question you should never ask someone whose personal relationship is falling apart.

"How did you two start dating? He doesn't strike me as the dating type," Jean wants to know the most challenging information that has ever existed.

"Well, it's a long story that goes way back, even before Wall Maria fell," I reply as casually as possible. "And trust me, none of you wants to hear it."

"I do!" is the only thing I hear amidst that chilly autumn night. I know I shouldn't because it's not just my story; it's Levi's too, and I know how reserved he is about his private life. But I'm heartbroken and nostalgic, surrounded by a group of teenagers. Nothing good could happen tonight, so…

"Alright, get comfortable because this is going to be a long, crappy tale. Join me as we travel down memory lane, back when Erwin wasn't yet a commander, when Mike and Nanaba couldn't keep their hands off each other, when Hange was… well, Hange. And Levi? Well, Levi was a twenty-four-year-old man who didn't give a damn about the rules. Are you ready?"

Author's Note: This was the very first long fic I ever decided to write, and it's the reason I opened a Tumblr account back in the day. I deleted the chapters here because it felt like nobody was reading it, and I decided to focus my account on other things. Now that I'm rewriting the old chapters to finally finish the last five of a story spanning over 40 chapters, I've decided to give it a second chance and post it again!

I'll be posting all the new chapters every Friday! The banner was made by me, and the little "dividers" I add have a purpose—haha! The story advances through Levi's entire first year as a scout, so we'll go through all the seasons, starting in autumn. I don't usually ask for much, but Holy Ground has always been my baby, and if you guys decide to give it a try, I'll be forever grateful. <3

Link to my masterlist and my other works if you feel like checking them out. Tags!: @nube55 @justkon @notgoodforlife @nmlkys @humanitys-strongest-bamf @quillinhand @thoreeo @darkstarlight82 @aomi04 @levisbrat25 @fxnnyackerman @secretmoneybearvoid @trashblackrainbow @l3visthighs @hannieslovebot @flxrartsstuff @feelingsandemotionsnotexplored @starrylevi @rithty @mariaace @ackrmntea @emilyyyy-08 @levisfavoriteteashop @katestrophes @katharinasdiaryy @ackermanswifee @levistealeaf @an-ever-angry-bi @youre-ackermine @searriously @blackdxggr @storiesofsung @abiatackerman @braunsbabe @moonchild-angel @galactict3a @lemonsupernova @hyuckwon-my-husbands @heyitsd1yaa @sydneyyuu @love-for-faeries-go-burrrr @mandaax @sugacor3 @r0ckst4rjk @vegetasgirl2799 @catiwinky @pinksaiyans @sparklykeylime Wanna join my tag list? Here!

[spamgyu]

Tuesday // Jihoon drabble

PARING: Jihoon x Reader GENRE: Angst IN RESPONSE TO THIS REQUEST: i need jihoon to break my heart bc he doesn't know how to balance his career and a relationship 😭 it would so gut wrenching bc he's being quite cold about it, but when he gets back to his studio the flood gates open 😭😭😭 *UNEDITED - Apologies for the grammar and spelling errors // tweaked the request a bit heh.

You knew dating him wasn't going to be easy – but God, you didn't think it would be this painful.

When you met Jihoon, it was almost as if everything fell into place. From the moment you two had your first conversation, you knew he would be someone that would make a great impact in your life – and you the same with his.

It wasn't long before the friendship had turned into love – a partnership. He had always valued your understanding of his life in the spotlight – his career had always come first and you knew that. Even before you had agreed to be his girlfriend.

But years have come and gone, and there was no signs of things slowing down.

You were human, and it's normal to yearn for a life the rest of your friends had – a married life, a family, life outside of the city.

A boyfriend who would be there to support you through all your milestones.

You had been there for all his, standing at the sidelines as you watched him and his band of brothers accept the recognitions they worked tirelessly for.

But not for yours; because before you, there was them.

His fans.

His company.

His group.

They say that the same reason you fell for someone will ultimately be the reason why the relationship would fall apart. You two used to scoff at that idea. It may have been true for others, but definitely not you two.

At least, not during the first five years of your relationship.

It wasn't long before you realized that the two of you were put in each other's lives not to be together forever, but to be a lesson.

A lesson that love won't ever be enough; because if it was, you wouldn't be standing in the middle of his living room with tears streaming down your face as his remained unwavering. Almost as if his heart isn't breaking just as much as yours.

You two were no longer on the same page. All while you were ready to move on to the next chapter of your life with him, he was ready to wrap his book up – ready to end it.

"I know other idols are able to hide it," Jihoon's voice was cold, eyes dark with not a single glimmer of life behind it. As if he had rehearsed these same lines before. "But I can't, Y/n. I'm not ready to be whatever image you have of us in your head."

"So what? This is it?" Your voice cracked. You no longer cared to wipe your tears – it was far better they blurred your vision than seeing the man you love, end your relationship on a random Tuesday afternoon.

"I'm not changing my stance and I know you aren't, either. I know you want a ring, I know you want kids and– That's just not where I am and I don't think I will be for a long while."

You didn't know what was more painful; the fact that he was right or the fact that, in the back of your head, you wished it wasn't true.

The tears began to fall faster as the realization began to set in.

This was the end.

You knew him better than you knew yourself, he wasn't going to change his mind. Nothing could.

He was everything you have ever known for the past five years and it was all coming to a crashing halt.

"I'm sorry for wasting your time."

・゜゜・．・゜゜・．・゜゜・．・゜゜・．

He thought he was handling it well.

Jihoon had kept himself together for four months – all thanks to their jam packed schedule which rarely allowed him any time to be alone with his thoughts, let alone time for sleep.

He prided himself for being able to handle the break up without a single tear being shed; breaking the news to the twelve boys that same day during practice as if it was just any news.

As if it was the most casual conversation.

All while they stood in shock, unable to grasp the sudden end to what seemed to be a picture perfect relationship, he continued their four hour long practice unfazed – brushing off their looks of concern and questions of how he was doing.

But just like the break up, the grief came crashing on him like a semi-truck going at full speed on a random Tuesday.

Jihoon had gone into the studio with Soonyoung with plans to work on their upcoming comeback. He had always looked into his past work for inspiration, playing snippets of the demos he had recorded for previous comebacks to allow the creative juices to flow.

It was going so well, the two of them laughing at how ridiculous the original version of their hit singles sounded.

And then he got to that one song.

The song that was originally meant to be a ballad – the heart-aching song that was meant to be assembled with strings and a piano.

He sat frozen as his voice echoed softly through the speakers. At the time, he had composed the song with no one in mind – simply taking inspiration from his other member's breakups.

Now, he could relate to every single one of the words.

"You okay?" Soonyoung eyed him from the seat next to his.

Jihoon hadn't realized it, but tears began to fall from his eyes – his chest heaving up and down as he tried to contain his emotions. In his head, he thought his composure remained calm; but he was falling apart with each line.

"No." He swallowed, unable to shake his thoughts away. That moment in his living room began to replay in his head – the sight of you in tears, the sound of your broken voice, the pure defeat in your eyes... the moment you walked out without sparing a second glanse.

Soonyoung quickly reached over to the mouse, hitting pause on the music; knowing that it had been the catalyst to the sudden break down of his best friend. "D–do you need time alone? Water?"

Jihoon shook his head. The silence had become much worse than when the music was playing – this time he could hear your voice, the sweet sweet voice he missed so much.

It wasn't until now that he realized how much he missed hearing your laughter, your words of encouragement, your ramblings over the phone – he missed you.

In the past few months, his life had become far too busy that he hadn't realized that there was a gaping hole in his chest in the shape of you. He had been able to fill it with his members, his fans, and his work – but it was all temporary.

A quick patch.

There was no replacing you. No one else's hand fit perfectly in his, no one knew what he was thinking before he could voice it, no one came close to understanding him the way you did – and now it was too late.

You took his cold response to the break up as a sign from whatever was above that this was what was meant to be – blocking his number, his social media accounts, and leaving without a trace. Almost as if you never existed to one another.

You were nothing but a stranger to him and it pained him to know that there was no getting you back.

"I fucked up." He choked out a sob.

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[riririnnnn]

I tried choking myself like this and oh boy it was such an awful experience—it felt as if someone had placed a really heavy stone over my head Don't try it, not worth it at all, I promise. 0/10, wouldn't recommend.

To choke yourself to the point where saliva is pooling out of your mouth and for you to cough like an asthmatic person, your airway passage must be blocked which means that this dude was really going at it.

So, let's talk about him:

What Kaiser has for Isagi now isn't rivalry anymore, it has become a near obsession and keeping their ship aside, they actually have a pretty unique kind of relation—they both want to get ahead in the path of their soccer career and un/fortunately, they both just happen to be the best stepping stone for eachother right now.

Since the very first time Kaiser was introduced, he had made it clear that Isagi was some sort of a pawn for him to get ahead in his soccer career and that's what Ness also said here:

And Kaiser's words seemed to match Ness' words too:

And I don't blame Kaiser for choosing Isagi to be his rival.

You see, it's tough to truly understand how much impact Isagi's goal had in the BLLK universe. The investors and club owners were literally putting pressure on Noa to make Isagi play—defeating such a boy and proving that you are better than him is a perfect way for literally anyone to increase their value; it fits even well for Kaiser since they both are in the same age group too.

But, the recent chapters, especially after BM Vs Ubers match ended, confused me more. Royale Madrid/Re Al is said to be the strongest/best soccer club in the whole world in BLLK universe, so it indirectly means that Kaiser's value increased—it actually did increase though, about ¥20 millions and Ness' reaction perfectly sums what I want to say:

Kaiser achieved what he had came for in NEL to achieve.

However, we all know what his reaction was: he didn't care, all he cared was that he was inferior to Isagi.

...why?

Like, it just doesn't make sense. He got what he wanted. Besides, Kaiser has a value of ¥320M meanwhile Isagi is still behind Rin and Rin is himself behind Kaiser by ¥100M+! Further, every team has man-marked Kaiser right away! He is already perceived as some kind of threat by every opponent team, what more he wants? Is it some pride thing of boys that I don't understand?

It just feels.. weird.

If Kaiser were to be a real narcissist, then I don't think that he would've accepted so easily that Noa is better than him and that he can't compete against him.

The above statement sends me back to this again:

Chris words can be considered as something said just to provoke Kaiser which worked a bit too perfectly well. I don't know why, but the above panel seems much more important to the story, especially to his character when we glance at this panel:

Just.. what the heck is this guy's backstory!?

I must say that he is very well written and honestly, when Blue Lock Manga ends, Kaneshiro-san can literally make a spin-off of him and the Fandom will inhale it instantly. I wish Itoshi brothers had one too.

.

.

.

When NEL starts in the anime, I hope an official BLLKTV/BLLKTWT app gets launch. Istg it'll be a massive hit.

[jeidafei]

Hi, DGM fandom! I'm jeidafei. You may have seen me in Kougeki-scans' scanlation of D.Gray-Man.

I know Kougeki releases have been delayed for these past few chapters. And people have taken to releasing their own translations on Reddit and MangaDex as early as a few days after the Japanese release. We at Kougeki have asked people to wait if they could. People have told us to, basically, go d*e.

And of course, you are perfectly entitled to say so. You are perfectly entitled to release your own translations and not wait. After all, we at Kougeki are just fans of D.Gray-Man, similar to you. We have zero claim over the series.

I normally stay out of the fray when it comes to quarrels with these 'snipers' until now. When I saw the quality of the translations some of these people are putting out.

(Specifically, Chapter 250 on MangaDex)

Japanese is a difficult language. D.Gray-Man is a difficult manga to translate due to its ongoing status, complex nature and plot twists. I have made mistakes myself that others have pointed out. I have my own interpretations that might be different. I readily forgive mistakes I understand are due to the complex Japanese grammar, and the confusing mysteries of the D.Gray characters.

But these are not it. These are just blatant laziness and lack of basic knowledge of even the most recent developments in D.Gray-Man. Or even simple logic. These are the results of people dishing out sub-par work quickly just to get the most exposure possible.

So while we wait for Kougeki's version, I am going to point out these egregious mistakes. We need transparency so that going forward, you can make your own decisions on whether it is speed or accuracy you are looking for.

The original Japanese text says "7,000 years ago" (七千), not "17 years"（十七）. A difference any beginner Japanese learner would notice. Even most D.Gray-Man fans without Japanese knowledge would probably realize something is off based on what we know of the story so far.

The original text says "Do(es) the passion/sentiments run so deep, you must reincarnate into a human who resembles Nea?" (the word 'regret' is simply not there). I think 'passion' or 'sentiments' are more compatible here, considering earlier theories about Tyki, the Noah of Pleasure.

Jasdevi is saying they were at their limits anyway and wouldn't be able to keep restraining Apocryphos for long. When Wisely orders them to dispose of Apo, they scream "Oni!" (Demon) which is quite similar to "Onii-san" (Elder brother), but most people would probably know which one is more fitting in this scenario, even without Japanese knowledge.

When Desires asks Wisely if he is just going to set Apo free like that, Wisely explains that this way, Apocryphos (not Desires or Wisely as in the translation), can keep searching for the Heart for them. Again, basic story knowledge.

Wisely didn't say "Fine, enough already"; this bubble is a continuation of the earlier bubble, spoken by Desires. Together, he is saying "Wouldn't you just spit it out already!?"

In Japanese, many words sound the same and the meaning can only be determined by context or the Chinese characters (kanji) used. In this case, "kikai" can mean either "machine" (機械) or "opportunity" (機会) or "strange" (奇怪), among a dozen others.

Yes, it's difficult, I know. But, you see the kanji. You know the context. I'm sure you can take a guess.

There are a couple more minor mistakes (ones that don't impact your understanding of the story too much). But I'm just going to leave you with one more, the most conspicuous mistake:

The chapter is named "Curse's End" by this translator. Actually, it's the opposite in Japanese. "Owaranu" is a form of "Owaranai" which means "not ending", which fits the revelation of this chapter by Wisely that their 35-year curse has yet to come to an end.

So, there you have it.

As you can see, I'm not shaming people for not being as fluent in Japanese. Not everyone can dedicate almost two decades to learn a language. As I have pointed out, most of these mistakes are rookie-level, and should have been picked up in double-check if that someone is familiar with D. Gray-Man at all. With these nigh unforgivable mistakes, even Deepl and Google Translate are more accurate.

This is a matter of someone not giving enough of a sh*t, plain and simple.

I'm also not gatekeeping scanlation whatsoever. I'm just pointing out the mistakes and actual text because the fandom deserves to know. With the localization drama going on, it proves faithfulness to the actual text and accuracy matters.

Of course, anyone has the right to put out their translation. And I have the right to point out whether they can be trusted. I'm not passing judgment. I'm just providing evidence so the bystanders can decide for themselves.

Lastly, from the bottom of my heart, I thank everyone who has supported the work of Kougeki Scans and waited for our release. I apologize for the delays. We're working on the latest chapter and will release 249 and 250 very, very soon.

[trickphotography2]

D-Day by TrickPhotography | Chapter 18 - Jake's POV

Thank you for the prompt @beyondthesefourwalls. Here's 4.8K words of Jake's POV - it got way more angsty than anticipated...

-------------------------------------------------

“Pick up,” Jake growled. “Pick up, pick up. Damn it!” When the call rolled to voicemail again, he hung up before you’d even finished saying, ‘Hi, you’ve reached - ’ 

Walking the halls in the carrier wasn’t the smartest thing to do when making a call. There were dead spots everywhere, not to mention the higher-ranking officers he’d have to stop and salute. But it didn’t matter. Jake needed to talk to you somewhere he wouldn’t be interrupted. With Fritz hanging out in the room, his best bet was to find an empty lounge or meeting room.

Those two texts had nearly made his heart stop. 

Prents here

U

What did the ‘U’ mean? His parents? Did he need to call ASAP? Did you just accidentally hit a button? Fuck. If it was your parents visiting, all the better. He could hear in your voice that you were tired, as much as you tried to hide it. And it killed him not to be there to help you more. Jake knew how much you were looking forward to having a long weekend to relax, and he wanted you to be as well-rested as possible for your trip to see him.

Guilt still gnawed at him at the thought of you flying 40 hours round trip to see him, but he wanted to see you so badly. 

The next call went to voicemail as he walked into the officer lounge and saw a group loudly laughing. Biting back a growl of frustration, he shut the door and continued down the hall. Of course, this would happen when most people were off-duty, and it’d be hard to find somewhere quiet. 

When his fifth call went to voicemail, Jake had to stop himself from turning and punching the wall. Not only would that hurt him more than do any damage, but he couldn’t end up at Captain’s Mast for something stupid when he was so close to getting liberty. He wouldn’t do anything to jeopardize seeing you. 

On the sixth call, you finally picked up. Before you could say a word, he asked, “What do you mean, ‘u’?”

“Your parents are here.” 

“My - ” Shock rooted him to the spot. “My parents are there?” 

“Your father currently has his shoes on my coffee table and wants a beer, and your mother is in the pantry making him sweet tea as a substitute until she goes out to get some.” Your voice was stressed, and Jake hated it.

The idea of his parents being anywhere near you pissed him off and terrified him. He’d made it clear to his family that being around you and the baby was on his terms.

And, to be honest, he was pissed at himself for not realizing this would happen. After Lina had gotten on his case about not calling his parents once during the deployment, he’d finally caved and called Mama. While she’d been happy to hear from him, Jake had also gotten an earful from his father about waiting over two months to call. Knowing it wouldn't do any good, it had taken all his self-control not to hang up.

But now, knowing that they’d made the effort to go from Texas to California, Jake wished he’d paid more attention to that one fucking sentence his father had said. Should have known it hadn’t only been meant for him - “A man’s gotta keep tabs on his family, and you’re doing a piss poor job of it.” 

When it came to Mark Seresin, he’d always been suspicious of his family. For a man who cared so little about his own marriage vows or how his constant infidelity would impact his family, he was always suspicious of people stepping out on him. 

“Did he say why they came?” He tried to keep his tone even but knew he failed spectacularly. 

“He said he wanted to keep an eye on me, and - ”

“That son of a bitch,” he snapped. Two men looked at him, and he glared back while looking into another occupied meeting room. You inhaled sharply, and he felt a spike of regret that was quickly smothered by rage. 

“Jake?”

“Put him on the phone.” He would tell them to leave - they weren’t welcome in his home. Jake was nearing the commissary and spun on his heel. He didn’t want to be near anyone right now. 

“I’m in our bathroom. Talk to me.”

“I can’t believe… how long are they staying?” 

“The weekend, apparently. And they’re expecting to stay here.” He stopped walking, thrusting a hand into his hair and tugging. 

“Absolutely not.” Jake knew he shouldn’t be taking his anger out on you, but it was hard to contain. When someone called his name, he glanced over his shoulder to see Rooster coming out of the store, a plastic bag swinging from his hand. Holding up a finger to the other man, he hissed, “I told him he wouldn’t step foot in our house, and he waited for me to be out of the fuckin’ country to do it.” 

“You - ”

“I want you to call Coyote and get him there - now. And then you’re gonna call me back and stay on the phone until he gets there.” 

Rooster’s eyebrows shot up, mouthing, “Everything okay?” He shook his head. 

“Jake, you’re scaring me,” you said, and he hated that. He didn’t want to scare you, but he couldn’t have you near his father without someone to keep the other man in line. His mama wouldn’t do it. “Tell me what’s going on?”

“I don’t want him near you, not when I’m not there. I don’t trust him.” A phone was thrust into his face, and Jake looked up to see Rooster frowning at him. It was unlocked and opened to the Dagger text thread. Their eyes met momentarily before Jake held his phone against his shoulder and typed out a quick message as he heard you exhale. 

Need someone to go to my house ASAP - H

“Babe,” you said, voice even as he returned the phone. “I understand you’re upset, but I don’t need Javy here to help manage this. I can - ” 

He hissed your name, ignoring the look Rooster gave him. “You don’t know him. He’s not a good person.” When he turned away, he felt a tug at his elbow. Rooster nodded down the hall, and Jake followed. 

“I know that, Jake. From the little you’ve told me about him, I know that he’s an asshole and that your mother is not my biggest fan. But I need you to please take a breath and tell me the context of why you told him he wouldn’t be in our house.” Forcing himself to take a deep breath, he heard you do the same. Rooster opened one of the classrooms and shut it. “You still there?” you asked.

“Yeah, tryin’ to find somewhere private. Hold on.” Rooster continued down the hall, checking rooms and glancing at his phone before handing it back to him. Jake glanced down at the texts from the Daggers — Javy confirmed that he was on his way with Payback, Phoenix was leaving the gym, and Bob the grocery store. Fanboy asked to be kept in the loop. Mav texted, asking where he was. Quickly, he typed that they were trying to find somewhere quiet.

“Sloane’s moving.” Your soft voice tried to distract him. As much as he appreciated it, he didn’t want that. He needed to be clear-headed right now — he needed to be Hangman when you clearly wanted Jake. 

And, at that moment, he felt like he was failing at both. 

Glancing down at the phone in his hand, he saw a new text from Mav on Rooster’s screen that was only two words: Ready room. Tapping his wingman on the shoulder, he handed the phone back to him. “Darlin’?”

“Yeah?”

“Can’t wait until I’m off this goddamn ship and can get some privacy.” The two men quickly changed direction, pushing through the crowded hallways and ignoring the people celebrating being off duty for the weekend. They were silent for a long time, Jake trying to push down his rising panic at his parents being there with the knowledge that his squad would arrive soon. “Do you trust me?” he asked, ignoring the look that Rooster shot him. 

“Of course I do. Jake,” you sighed, exasperation sneaking into your tone. “If you don’t want them in our home, I’ll have them leave. I just… I need to have information so I can approach this the right way.” 

“The right way is with Coyote there.” 

“Why?” you demanded. “Why do I need your best friend here? Is your father going to be violent when I ask him to leave?”

“He better not be,” Jake growled. Unwanted memories of having to step between his parents when his father was drunk and angry threatened to swallow him. His tongue darted out, tasting the phantom coppery blood from a sucker punch he’d taken as a teen. Mark Seresin had always been a dictator in his home, and Jake had counted down the days until he could leave. He could take the yelling and name-calling - Jake had been told he was worthless more times than he could count - but as soon as he stood up and pushed back against his father, that was it. Mark expected to be the king in his castle and didn’t care if knocking around his sixteen-year-old son was the cost of enforcing that. After the school counselor called him in to ask about a black eye once, Mark had been careful to hit Jake where it wouldn’t show - where the bruises could be explained away with a rough football practice. It didn’t happen often, but when it did, it fucking hurt. Not only hearing his mama crying and promising that it wouldn’t happen again but knowing that he couldn’t trust a word that came out of her mouth. 

It was a relief anytime Mark deployed. Not having to tiptoe around the house was almost worth the pain in his mama’s eyes, knowing her husband was probably unfaithful again. It was worth not hiding the marks from Lina, who grew up in blissful ignorance of the monster that lived down the hall from them. When he’d gotten into the Academy, Jake had hesitated a moment before accepting, afraid of what would happen if he left the house and wasn’t there to protect mama. But she was the one who told him he had to go - things would calm down once he was out of the house, she assured him.

Unwilling to examine the lie too closely, Jake went to Annapolis with freedom at his fingertips and never looked back. 

Outside the Ready Room, Mav waited, the door already propped open for them. The older aviator dipped his chin and raised his eyebrows, silently asking if Jake was okay. He shook his head, ducking into the room as you sighed. 

“Babe, please, I need you to focus because we have a situation, and I need to handle it in a minute. And to do that, I need you to be very honest with me right now about your concerns about me interacting with your father and answer a few questions for me.” He felt a flicker of annoyance at your tone - the one you used when working with a particularly difficult person. “First, why did you tell him he couldn’t step foot in our home?”

“Because he doesn’t deserve it. He doesn’t deserve to know you after what he said.” The two pilots stood at the back of the room, allowing him some privacy as they whispered. But he knew they could hear every word, and he didn’t want to face their pitying looks if they knew how he’d grown up.

“And what did he say?” you asked.

“I don’t - ”

“Jacob.” 

“You heard him call you a tag chaser,” he said after a moment. “You didn’t hear him say…he said some pretty terrible things about you.” Running a hand down his face, he paced the front of the classroom, remembering the disgusting accusations Mark had thrown when he’d called to let his parents know that you were getting married and having a baby. Mama had cried when Jake finally yelled back that he would be damned if Mark Seresin ever laid eyes on his daughter-in-law or grandkid, which had only made the man laugh. “He said the baby probably wasn’t mine and that you’d cheat on me the moment you had the chance if you hadn’t already. And that… that you would leave me as soon as you got tired of military life, just like my ex did.”

“I…” Jake knew the words hurt and hated himself for sharing them. But you had to know what you were facing. Clearing your throat, you asked, “W-what are your concerns with me confronting him alone?”

“Darlin’,” Jake groaned. When you hummed, he cursed under his breath. “I never saw him hit ma, but it was close. And I don’t… I can’t have that happen. Not with you.” He could feel eyes on him. Ignoring them, he pulled up one of the desks and collapsed into the chair, dropping his head into a hand. 

After a moment, you sighed, “Javy’s on his way. I won’t do anything until he gets here. Do I need to find a way to keep your mom away from him?”

Mama would take the brunt of this, and he wasn’t there to protect her. “I…I want to say yes, but you're my priority if it’s between you and her. Fuck!” Jake pulled at his hair, hating that you were being forced to deal with the situation. “Promise me you’ll call the cops if he does anything.”

“Of course. I love you.” There was movement in front of him, and he looked up to see Mav crouching, phone held out in front of him. Police? was typed into a note. Jake stared at it for a long moment before meeting the older man’s steady gaze. Slowly, he shook his head before lowering it and swiping at his eyes. Mav stood, squeezing his shoulder. 

“I love you too, darlin’. I’m so sorry that - ”

“This isn’t on you. We can handle this. I’m gonna go check the mail to make sure that the door’s open for when Javy gets here. Do you want me to call you back when - ”

“Stay on the phone. Please, darlin’, don’t hang up.”

“I won’t.” 

“Coyote and Payback are almost there,” Rooster said softly, and Jake turned to see both men watching him with concerned expressions. Nodding, he turned away from them. 

His father’s voice nearly made him crack his phone with how tightly he held it. He was too far to hear what he said but snorted when you replied, “It is. He says hi.” He wanted to say many things to Mark, but 'hello' wasn’t it. 

He’d apparently raised his voice to ensure he heard what he said. “Tell him I said hello, and he needs to call his mama more.” Jake bit his tongue. As much as he wanted to say something back, his wife would have to relay the message, and he didn’t want her to talk to his father more than necessary. 

“I will. I’m gonna go grab the mail.” There was the sound of a door closing; he breathed a sigh of relief that you were out of the house. “Did you hear that?”

“Fuckin’ asshole,” he grunted. He could feel eyes on him but chose not to look. 

“I’m gonna put my phone in my pocket for a second.”

“Darlin’, don’t - ” he said, but the line was muffled. “Darlin’, I need to hear what’s goin’ on. Pick up your phone.” But when he heard you speak next, the disbelief in your voice was unmistakable. 

“Excuse me?” Jake felt his hackles rise, pushing to his feet and pacing the front of the classroom. His heart dropped to the floor when you spoke again. “I’ll have you know that I was also raised in the military, so I’m not a civilian going through their first deployment. I know how this works because my dad deployed a lot when I was growing up, and it was just my mom and me,” you snapped. “And my house is not perfect, but I had no idea I’d have guests coming, I work full time, and I’m pregnant. So when it comes to dividing my time, I will pick my career and take care of myself over doing housework, especially when I’m mostly here by myself. And Jake knew how I cleaned before we got married.” 

“Don’t push him, baby,” he groaned, tugging at his hair as he pressed his phone tightly against his ear to try and hear better. “Be smart, darlin’.” He fell silent when he heard his father speak. 

“I am not, and never have been, a tag chaser, so I’d appreciate it if you stopped calling me that. If anything, I married your son despite him being in the military.” You paused, then said, “Tricare’s just not worth it.” 

At any other time, Jake would find that funny. But not when his father was close enough for him to finally hear what he said. “You got a smart mouth on you, you know that?” 

“Get away from her,” he growled. 

“It’s one of the things Jake loves about me.” 

“Your daddy shoulda tanned your hide for that and taught you some manners.” He knew that tone and felt the blood leaving his face.  

“We’ll agree to disagree on that.” 

“Stop, darlin’. Don’t say anything.” 

“Take your hand off of me. Now.” 

Rage blinded him. “Take your fucking hands off my wife!” Jake yelled, balling his fist. He felt so useless, halfway across the world and unable to do anything. “I’ll fuckin’ kill you if you touch her, you bastard!” 

Someone touched his shoulder, and Jake whirled to see Mav standing behind him, hands raised. “It’s just me,” he said, and it took Jake a heartbeat to realize he’d raised his fist to the other man. Quickly, he dropped his arm, unable to keep the stricken look from his face. 

“Coyote’s almost there,” Rooster called from the door, phone pressed to his ear. 

“Tell him to hurry,” Mav said, not removing his eyes from Jake’s face. “I need you to focus, Hangman.”

But Jake was past hearing him when his father’s voice was clearer. “An’ what’s he gonna do for you when you’re here all alone? Clearly, you need a man to teach you a lesson, and if my son isn’t up to the task - ” 

“Do it and pull back a bloody stump.”

“Don’t fucking touch her!” Jake yelled. 

“They’re pulling in, Jake.” 

“I’ll make sure you spend the nice, long holiday weekend in jail, and I’m pretty sure those assault charges would have more consequences since I’m pregnant.”

Jake loved you to the point that it sometimes hurt, but he wanted nothing more than to cover your mouth at that moment. He could imagine Mark Seresin’s look, the fury at being challenged like that. 

“You little bit - ”

He braced himself, muscles tensing futilely to throw himself in front of the blow. There was nothing he could do to protect you. Fury and horror nearly choked him as he gripped his phone and tugged at his hair, swallowing his screams to try and hear what was going on. 

“Come in! We’re in the kitchen.” Jake collapsed at the sound of his best friend’s voice, knees slamming into the steel floor. “Everything’s fine,” you said. “He was just going to wait outside for his wife to come back and then find a hotel for the weekend.”

A hand rested on his shoulder, squeezing tightly. “You can’t kick me out of my son’s house,” Mark snapped, and his mouth moved wordlessly to tell him to get the fuck out. 

“This is my house just as much as it’s Jake’s,” you said. “And if you don’t leave, I’ll call the police and have them remove you.” 

“Let’s not get the cops involved if we don’t have to,” Javy said, attempting to play the peacekeeper. 

“Call them,” Jake managed to croak. The phone was hot against his ear, and he felt disgusted when his father tried to pull rank.

“Then it’s Lieutenant Machado to you. Now, she said to get out, so let’s go.” A heartbeat later, he growled, “Back up.”

A small part of Jake wanted Mark to push. Wanted to have a reason to have Javy lay the man out - if he wasn’t there to defend his wife, he knew his best friend would do it. “You and my pussy of a son deserve each other.”

“Get. The fuck. Out of my house,” you ordered, and Jake heard a scuffle. 

“Darlin’? What’s happening?” he demanded. “Talk to me, please, baby.” 

Rooster hurried down the classroom steps, holding his phone up with the call on speaker. “ - inside if I don’t - ” Payback cut himself off. 

“You wanna lay hands on a woman?” Jake heard Javy snarl, looking up as he listened to your ragged breathing. 

“Get your hands off me, boy,” Mark hissed. 

“Oh, hell no,” Payback snapped. 

“Watch him. I’ve got her,” Javy ordered. 

“Try something. I’m begging you,” Payback said, and Jake turned his attention back to your call, pressing a hand to his ear to try and block out everything but your breathing. 

Finally, after an eternity, you sobbed his name into the phone. “Fuck, darlin’, are you okay?” he demanded, voice rough with swallowed tears. When you said you were, he squeezed his eyes shut. “I can’t believe that fuckin’ asshole touched you. I’m gonna kill him.

“I’m okay,” you promised. 

“She’s a little pale but looks good, Hangman.”

“Jesus, Javy - I…” Jake seemed to choke on his words. “Thank you, man. I - ”

“No thanks necessary; I'm just glad you texted me. Payback’s outside keeping an eye on the situation.” Jake glanced up at his spot from the floor, eyes darting to where Rooster was collapsed in one of the chairs, phone cradled between his knees. 

“Nat’s there,” he said, noticing his wingman looking at him. “They’ve got her, man.” 

Jake could hear you fighting against crying when Nat offered to take you to the hospital and would have traded anything to be there to hold you. To be the one to take you and make sure that you and the baby were alright. Knowing that someone had bruised you made him want to burn the world down. 

But the hardest part, which almost succeeded in shattering him, was hearing your heartbreak while asking, “But what if they tell me I can’t come to see you?” 

Breathing your name, he felt his stomach drop. He wanted to see you, to hold you tight and promise that nothing like this would ever happen again. But that wasn’t the priority right now. “I’d rather know that you and Sloane will be okay than see you in two weeks. That’s all that matters.” 

Mav pulled Jake to his feet and gently pushed him into one of the desk chairs, collapsing beside him. The older pilot rested a hand on Jake’s shoulder as he listened to you crying softly when Phoenix drove you to the hospital. Sloane hadn’t moved in a while, but he did his best to assure you everything would be okay. 

Jake’s phone was about to die, and he had to hang up while you waited to be seen. Rooster left to retrieve a power bank and charging cord, leaving Jake with Mav. “Are you alright, kid?” he asked. 

“Not really,” Jake admitted, clutching his phone tightly and feeling how warm it was. 

“Your dad’s - ”

“Dead to me.” Nodding, Mav stretched out in his chair, folding his hands over his stomach. The silence stretched for a long time before he cleared his throat.

“My dad was an aviator. Shot down in Vietnam. And my mom… well,” he huffed, smiling without humor. “She picked some real winners after he died. One of the worst, though… he’d get drunk and knock her around. I was too young to do much about it, and she told me to stay out of the way because I was making it worse.” 

When Jake glanced at Mav, the other man was staring up at the ceiling, expression tense. “Yeah?”

“Yeah. Unfortunately, he stuck around. And no matter how much I tried to tell Mom he needed to go, she wouldn’t listen. And when I turned 18, he kicked me out of the house. A couple of my friends' parents let me stay with them until I graduated high school, and they helped me figure things out when I was turned down from the Academy. She ended up staying with him right up until he dropped dead of a heart attack. Couldn’t’ve happened to a better person,” he chuckled darkly. “Didn’t really have a family until Goose, Carole, and Bradley.” 

“So you’re sayin’ I can’t help my mama until Mark drops dead?” 

“I’m saying that you can’t help someone who doesn’t want help, Jake.” Their eyes met, and Mav could see the argument in the younger man’s eyes. “You’ve got a wife and a kid on the way to think about now. All you can do is be there whenever your mom needs help, but you need to focus on your family.” 

Jake was saved from replying when the door opened, and Rooster walked back in, kicking the door closed behind him. After handing him the power bank, he glanced at Mav before twisting off a beer bottle cap. “You don’t see shit, Captain.” Jake raised an eyebrow, accepting the room-temperature beer. 

Smirking, Mav held up his hands. “Not gonna question how you got contraband alcohol outside of beer day.” 

“Good,” Rooster smirked back, handing his godfather his bottle before collapsing into the chair on Jake’s other side. Resting his beer on his stomach, he sighed. “You got everything set up for liberty, Hangman?”

“Plane tickets and hotel are booked. Don’t have many other plans for when she gets there… if she gets there.”

“She will,” Mav assured him. “You been to Yokosuka before?” 

“Not in a couple years. Her family was stationed outside Tokyo for a few years when she was a kid, so she’s excited to come back for a little while.” 

“Any suggestions on shit to do?” Rooster asked, peeling the label from his bottle. While Jake knew they were trying to distract him, he couldn’t help but feel thankful for it as he watched his phone battery level rise. Finally, you texted that you were being brought back to an exam room. 

When Jake put his phone on speaker, he bit the inside of his cheek when he heard Sloane’s strong heartbeat. “Everything looks good,” the PA said. “Baby’s heartbeat sounds good; Mom’s blood pressure is slightly elevated but is headed back to normal range.” 

“They’re both okay?” Jake asked, wishing the internet signal in the classroom was strong enough to do a video call. 

“Yes. Just watch the stress levels and take it easy for a bit.” After you agreed to do that, Jake reluctantly hung up after promising a video call tomorrow. 

Later, Jake stood in the shower, his head tilted back so the spray hit his face and washed away his tears. He could hear Rooster and Fritz talking in the room and knew that they would soon be headed to the mess for dinner. He’d decided against going with them, needing some time alone.

Two knocks on the bathroom door let him know they were leaving and the room was empty. He waited another minute before getting out, quickly dressed in basketball shorts, and retreated to his bunk.

Lina had called, probably in response to the text he’d sent before showering. But he didn’t want to talk to anyone right now. He’d made it clear to his mama and sister - he was done with Mark. If he so much as looked at his wife or kid, Jake would end him. He was not going to stand for raising a hand to his wife. And if they wanted anything to do with Jake or his family, they wouldn’t mention Mark or bring him anywhere near them. If they did, they would be just as dead to Jake as Mark was. 

Ignoring Lina's text demanding a call, Jake retrieved his laptop and pulled up your flight itinerary. With a few clicks, he upgraded your tickets to Japan and back home. He knew you wouldn’t be happy to see the price on the next credit card statement, but it didn’t matter. He would deal with your upset if it meant that you were comfortable while flying.

Two weeks, Jake thought, setting aside his laptop and turning in his small bunk. Two weeks until he could stretch out on a proper bed with his wife by his side. Two weeks until he could feel his daughter move. 

Two weeks until he had the only family that mattered. 

----------------------------------------------------------

Author's Note: Not technically a chapter, but including the tag list because this provides a lot of backstory for Jake. And I am definitely in agreement with the comparison of Hangman being Mav, and Rooster being Ice.

Tag list: @mamachasesmayhem; @memeorydotcom; @alldaysdreamers; @kmc1989; @djs8891; @caitsymichelle13; @dempy; @midnightmagpiemama; @lovelyladymayyyy; @caidi-paris; @a-court-of-roscoe-and-baby; @bellaireland1981; @lethargicluv; @tenderclio; @lucypaulette; @abaker74; @trhett21; @misshoneypaper; @schreksdoubledeckerhomechecker; @eternallyvenus; @mavrellover91; @chloeforde; @thatbitcily; @rest-of-brazilian-wax; @percysaidnever; @harperdoodle; @hardballoonlove; @maeleeme; @emma8895eb; @xoxabs88xox; @queenslandlover-93; @memoriesat30; @queerqueenlynn; @capswife; @regsg18; @boisewaffles; @fudge13; @starkleila

[mousical]

.・。.・゜✭・. .・。.・゜✭・. .・。.・゜✭・.

wheel to wheel

pairing; f1 x female-driver! reader

warnings; car crash, mentions of alcohol, cursing

summary; alpha tauri’s first female driver has a day.

word count; 3.7k 

a/n; part one of a multi chapter fic! will be an eventual driver x reader, just not sure which driver yet lololol. also i wrote the first half of this before the race, which is why a lot of the results don’t line up whoops

.・。.・゜✭・. .・。.・゜✭・. .・。.・゜✭・.

TURN 1 INCIDENT INVOLVING CARS 6 (LAT), 4 (NOR), 12 (Y/L/N) NOTED — CAUSING A COLLISION

"Are you okay, are you okay?"

The muffled voice of your engineer repeated over the radio.

"I'm fine." You mumbled back. Not waiting to hear a confirmation, you began maneuvering out of your seat, careful to avoid any scraps of metal torn off the body of the car.

A sigh escaped your chapped lips as you gave the car a once over. It certainly wasn't a pretty sight; the back half had taken the worst blow, rear wing nowhere in sight. It could've been a lot worse, though.

Thankfully, when your rear wheel had been touched, sending you off the track, you had managed to somewhat get control of the spin before getting thrown into the wall. If you weren't so pissed about DNFing, you would've been impressed with your reaction.

You lifted your gaze away from the car, just in time to see a limping Latifi rolling back onto the track before skidding away. Figures.

Now that you were out, you could check on the other victim of Latifi's most recent murder attempt. You winced at the soreness of your legs as you jogged to the McLaren.

You didn't quite catch the incident, but you assumed that it was probably the McLaren who had spun onto your wheel, only after being clipped himself by the Williams.

The other driver seemed to have had it a bit worse than you. His left sidepod was lodged into the barrier, the nose, at least what was left of it, angled into the wall. The back remained mostly untouched, save for a nasty hit on the rear wing. You clicked your tongue. Must've been a nasty impact.

You caught a glimpse of the driver’s helmet on your way to the car. Poor Lando.

The marshals had reached him first, standing around the car while he hopped out. Then began the work to get those cars off the track.

Meanwhile, you and Lando only had so much time to breathe before having to head back. Thankfully, the crash had occurred at the end of the main straight, which meant that the walk of shame back to the garages wouldn't be too long.

Once you had gotten off the track, you were able to slip the helmet off. Thank goodness, because between your headache from the crash and the Austin heat, you were just about ready to pass out under that suffocating helmet. You tried to keep your head down, not really in the mood for the crowd's pitying stares.

“Latifi." Lando groaned, catching up to you.

"Latifi." You repeated through a breath. The two of you walked along side of each other, helmets in hand.

"Did he clip your rear?" You asked, blowing a strand of hair out of your face.

"Tried moving to my outside to pass." Lando nodded, confirming your suspicions.

"Maybe he sneezed mid-overtake. You never know." You joked dryly. Lando scoffed.

"I think you're giving him too much credit." Lando rolled his eyes. Teasing the driver was an easy distraction from the fact that the two of you had lost out on possible points.

You made simple small talk during the walk back, giving each other your own perspectives of the race before ending up in the wall. And, of course, came the inevitable Latifi slights.

"I'll never understand how someone ends up 21st in a 20 driver championship." You laughed. Lando shrugged.

"I'll never understand how he gained 20th back." The two of you had finally reached the pit lane, a couple of team members from your respective garages coming up to meet you.

"How many laps left?" You asked one of the crew members. He told you 31, to which you groaned. Turning back to Lando, you waved a quick goodbye.

"Smashing race, Lando!" You mused. He shook his head with a smile before walking off to the McLaren garage.

The Alpha Tauri garage was fairly uneventful. Franz gave you a quick pat on the back on your way in. "Come over to the wall when you can." He yelled over the bustling pit lane.

You gave the principal a quick thumbs up before heading inside, the pit crew already waiting inside to give their condolences.

To be completely honest, you weren't feeling too upset about the unfortunate end to your race. Maybe it was because you knew it wasn't your fault, maybe it was the heat getting to you- either way, you felt content to slump down in a fold out chair in the back of the garage.

You knew that you eventually had to head back out to join Franz and the engineers on the pit wall, but you didn't see the harm in giving yourself a couple seconds to unwind after such a troubling crash.

Now that the adrenaline had all but dissipated from your system, the soreness in your legs was feeling a bit worse, and a new pain had formed in-between your shoulder blades.

"Y/N! Everything alright? That looked nasty." Your PR manager appeared, causing you to jump in surprise. "Oh, sorry." She laughed, bringing a hand up to her chest.

"All good, Nat." You responded with a smile, leaning back into your chair. "Sky come racing down yet?"

"Not yet. Think they're stopping at McLaren first. They'll be around soon though. If you get to the pit wall quick enough they might not bother you." She handed you your cell phone.

"Guess I better get out there then." You yawned, slowly stretching out of the seat. You winced at the soreness, eliciting a frown from Natalie.

"Want me to get the medic over here?" She asked, walking you across the garage. You shook your head.

"Just need a massage. I'll be fine." You assured her. She pursed her lips, not sure if you could be trusted. Ultimately, she gave in.

"Alright, whatever you say. Sorry about the race." She waved you off before turning on her heels to go back inside.

After waiting for a Mercedes to pass, you jogged across the pit lane, hopping up onto a pit wall stool with a grunt.

You slipped on a headset, quickly checking the screens in front of you to get a sense of how the race was running.

The Mercedes that had just crossed your path was Hamilton's. He had come back onto the track in 5th, just ahead of Perez.

Max was running in first, little surprise there, with Sainz in second and Leclerc in a comfortable third. A ways behind the Ferrari, Russel had gained some generous distance between him and P5, a gift from Lewis's first pit stop of the race.

The rest of the grid was nothing out of the ordinary, save for Yuki, who was fighting hard to maintain a surprising P9. You would make sure to congratulate your teammate after the race was over, whether or not he ended up keeping the position.

"Any update on a penalty for Latifi?" You spoke into the headset at 20 laps to go.

"It is being investigated. Should find out in a couple laps." Your engineer's thick French accent spoke.

With only so many laps left, and Latifi running on a set of fresh hards, you assumed it would be a post race penalty. A penalty, mind you, that would serve no purpose, as Latifi had been crawling through the track in last place since the collision.

Speaking of said collision, you decided to take your newfound free time to begin thinking about answers to predictable questions that were sure to come up in the media pen.

Can you explain to us what went down on track? Did you feel as though you had the potential to score crucial points before the collision? Could Lando Norris have avoided an impact with you?

'I'm sure Crofty explained it better than I could.'

'Maybe, sure.'

'Maybe, I don't know.'

All answers you wished you could give the media, but you knew better. Whatever you were going to feed them was going to have to be filled with a lot more bullshit than those perfectly fine answers.

The last laps of the race dragged on excruciatingly slow, until finally ending in a laughably predictable way. Max won, Ferrari bottled a potential win, and George Russell complained the entire time. Typical Sunday race day.

Natalie hunted you down right after the cars had been pulled in, quickly giving you a synopsis of what not to do in the pen. That's something you loved about having her as a PR manager; she never scripted your responses. More often than not, she just told you not to be an arse and sent you on your way. This time was no different.

The media pen was as bustling as ever when you strolled in, journalists pushing over each other to jot down quotes from the drivers. You slid into an empty space next to Lando, who was in the middle of an interview with F1 TV.

"It's disappointing, of course, not to score any points on such a promising weekend, but hopefully we'll back stronger for Mexico." He explained.

The interviewer thanked him before he was shuffled away by his own PR manager, and you were thrown into his spot.

"Yeah, I mean," You started after a basic enough question. "It really is unfortunate to have had our race ended like that, especially after such a successful first stint." You sighed, crossing your hands over your chest. "The team has been working so hard all weekend, and it is a shame to have no result to show for their efforts." The interviewer nodded at your response.

"Did you think that anything could have been done to prevent such an incident?"

You pursed your lips, trying to judge how much trouble you'd get in if you told the truth. Quickly glancing at Natalie, you found your PR manager staring daggers into you, as if she knew exactly what you were thinking.

“It's racing." You smiled at the interviewer with a shrug, catching Natalie nod out of the corner of your eye. "These incidents happen. The car has been brilliant all weekend, I felt like I’ve had a lot of good pace; real results were definitely reasonable and very much in reach. There’s a lot of crucial information we’ve learned from Austin that we can hopefully apply down to Mexico. I don’t know, I guess I’m trying my best to take away what few positives we got from this weekend— stay optimistic, you know? I mean that’s really all I can do.”

“Well, the fans were certainly sad to see your drive ended so soon.” She spoke, still committed to keeping the conversation on the incident.

"Yeah, you know, I really am so lucky to have such incredible fans. Austin has been so welcoming— it's really been great." That response wasn't a lie. This was only your second time racing COTA as an F1 driver, and the city had welcomed you in with open arms.

"Glad to hear it." She paused, biting her tongue for just a moment before speaking up again. "I do have to ask, on behalf of the loyal fans of the US, will we be seeing you racing again here at COTA next year?"

Oh boy. You wish you knew.

Your eyes flew to Natalie, who looked just as thrown as you.

"I'll let you know when I find out."

After a quick thanks and good bye, you were hurried to the next interviewer, and then the next, and the next. Eventually, it was over, Natalie saving you from having to answer the same questions thirty times over. On your way out, you quickly stopped by Yuki, who was talking to Sky Sports.

"Congrats on the points!" You exclaimed with a smile, patting the other driver on the back. Startled, he spun around, sighing when he realized it was just you.

The interviewer laughed, Yuki gave you a quick thumbs up, and then you were off to the paddock.

The paddock lane was busy with activity; teams running equipment to and from the garage, post-race paddock tours mingling through the buildings, the occasional driver making their way back to their own team's temporary HQ's.

You took your time getting back to the Alpha Tauri hospitality, enjoying the way the light Austin breeze ruffled through your hair. The sun was going down, which meant that, thankfully, the heat was less punishing. You unzipped the top of your overalls, tying the sleeves around your waist.

The drivers' rooms were hardly luxurious, just a small office space with a couch, a chair, and a coffee table. An air conditioning unit sat against the wall, keeping the room cool for your arrival. The chill air was a welcome shift to the dry heat you had been melting in all afternoon.

A change of clothes was waiting for you on the couch, and you couldn't have been more excited to get out of the sweaty fireproofs. Just as you began slipping on a fresh Alpha Tauri polo, you heard a soft knock at the door.

"Y/N? You decent?" Natalie's voice rang out.

"One sec." You called out, hurriedly putting on the rest of your clothes before opening up the door.

"Not sure if you feel like celebrating-" Before she could go on, you groaned, turning around to slump down onto the couch. "Max won, so Red Bull is putting together a thing."

"A thing?" You whined.

"Yuki is going. Obviously, Max and Sergio will be there." She alluded, arms folded over her chest.

"I don't have a choice." You finished her thought.

"See you there, then. I'll send you the address." And with that, she was gone.

.・。.・゜✭・. .・。.・゜✭・. .・。.・゜✭・.

The club floor was a cacophonous maze of drunk dancers and party-goers, all shamelessly slamming their bodies together in a syncopated rhythm. The music was deafening, shaking the floor itself with its pounding bass.

You maneuvered your way through the hoard, scanning each guest with a profound curiosity. Professionals in the racing world, masters of their own crafts, all stumbling through the crowd in tipsy hazes.

The place was bursting at the seems with excitement and energy, all in celebration of the team’s latest victory.

You were entirely lost. For the first half an hour or so, you simply wandered through the club, hoping to find a familiar enough face to strike up a conversation with.

Max found you before you could find him.

“Y/N!” His accent slurred. “Tough luck today!” You turned to greet him with a small smile.

“Is what it is. Congratulations on the win! Didn’t think you had it in you.” You quipped, eliciting a laugh from the Dutchman.

“Of course, of course.” Max paused, taking a sip of his drink. “Hey, did Christian find you yet?”

“Christian?” You repeated, raising a brow. “Not yet, why?” Before he could respond, a new person cut in, bombarding the race winner with congratulatory words. You swallowed a laugh, amused at the ambush. “Just find him!” Max shouted, before being whisked away.

Being honest, you didn’t really want to speak to Christian; it seemed like every time you did, you ended up getting yelled at. If it could be helped, you would do your best to avoid your boss for as long as it could be helped.

The night continued on in a similar fashion, team members from both Alpha Tauri and Red Bull giving their condolences, only before asking if you’d seen the man of the hour.

Despite knowing almost everyone in the club, you couldn’t help shake the feeling that you were alone, left to stumble your way through the night all by yourself. This, coupled with your unfortunate sobriety, as you were responsible for driving yourself back to the hotel, was shaping your evening up to be more of a bore than a celebration.

It wasn’t that you weren’t excited for the team— quite the opposite in fact. You’ve always sort of seen Red Bull and Alpha Tauri as two sides of the same coin. You felt their wins as if they were your own, same with the losses. Even if Max winning was becoming a natural occurrence, each time felt just as special as the last.

Maybe the sting of your DNF was still poisoning your spirit. That must’ve been it, you decided.

The far away sight of a familiar set of curls coaxed you out of your concentration. Without another thought, you squeezed your way over.

“Lando!” You exclaimed, happy to see someone you knew enough to busy yourself with. He, just like you, looked incredibly lost. “What are you doing here? Thought this was a Red Bull party.”

“Not super sure, honestly.” He sighed, running a hand through his hair.

“Well, always glad to see you.” You grinned. “No party at McLaren tonight?” It was a bit of tease; a DNF and 17th weren’t anything to go clubbing about. He gave you a glare.

“Nothing to celebrate, really. Unlike you lot!” He gestured to the hoards of people around you two.

“Yeah, constructors. Pretty wild.” That fact had only just begun to sink in; the implications of Red Bull’s constructors win was a miraculous feat.

“You alright?” He quirked a brow at you, to which you swatted away.

“Perfectly fine! Maybe not as drunk as I’d like to be.” You scrunched your face, the craving for alcohol itching through your body.

“You drive here?” You nodded in response. “Well, I can always give you a ride if you need it.” He offered.

“Really?” You knew the two of you were friendly, but you didn’t think you were that close. He nodded.

“Yeah, I mean, I’ve got nothing else to do tonight.” He shrugged. You caught your bottom lip between your teeth. The offer was very tempting.

“Alright, Norris. I’ll take you up on that.” You decided with a smile. Not wishing to waste any time, you began making your way to the bar, Lando following close behind.

You were painfully close to the counter before bumping into none other than Christian Horner. Just your luck.

“Y/N?” He shouted over the music. It took every ounce of will power you could muster not to run away right there and then. You felt Lando’s hand touch your arm, momentarily turning your attention away from your boss.

“I’ll meet you at the bar.” He nodded towards the one object of your desire, giving you a sympathetic smile.

“Y/N, I’ve been wanting to talk to you!” Christian regained your focus, his drunken speech accentuating his accent.

“It can’t wait until tomorrow?” You half joked, not even sure if he would remember this conversation tomorrow.

“I know your contract is up,” He continued right on. “And you’ve been very patient with negotiations.” You rolled your eyes, already annoyed with where this conversation was going.

You were tired of being patient, being a team player. You wanted a contract, the one you were promised months ago. You weren’t looking forward to being told to wait for the fifth time in two weeks.

“Well, there might just be an open seat with us next year.”

Your heart dropped out of your chest right then and there. Did you hear him right?

“At- At Red Bull?” You stumbled over your words, heart rate rising exponentially. Christian brought a finger up to his lips, indicating this breaking news was still top secret.

“Just hold tight, alright?” He slurred. You nodded fiercely, suddenly very okay with playing the patient game.

A seat. At Red Bull. You didn’t see that coming.

The walk to Lando was a blur. It was a miracle you managed to keep yourself straight up before tripping into a seat at the bar.

“You get fired yet?” He mused, taking a sip from his glass. Your mouth was dry, the words stuck in your throat. His brow furrowed. “You okay?” He put down his drink.

“Red Bull.” You spit out, unable to form any full sentences.

“Red Bull.” Lando repeated slowly, confused to say the least.

“Open seat. 23’.” That was all it took for the Mclaren driver to put everything together. He slapped a hand over his mouth, letting out an excited laugh.

“Oh my god!” He exclaimed. “Actually?”

“I think!” You replied, finally breaking out in a smile. An overwhelming wave of excitement, relief, and terror flooded your systems all at once.

“You think? Is that what he said?” He pressed further.

“I think?” Was all you could come up with, still not entirely sure what was going on yourself. At that moment, the specifics didn’t really matter, at least not to you.

“Wow.” You heard Lando whisper from beside you.

“I know.” You gaped, putting your head in your hands.

“Well go on, celebrate!” Lando cheered, waving the bartender over to where the two of you sat.

“No, no.” You shook your head, shooing him away. “I wanna remember this sober.” You decided out loud.

“Up to you.” There was something odd about the boy’s expression, something you didn’t really feel like deciphering at the time. “Any theories?” He broke the lull. You quirked your head.

“As to?” That made him laugh.

“I thought the Red Bull seats were pretty much set.” You hadn’t even given that a thought, but he was right. Where was this seat coming from?

“Surely not Max?” You thought aloud, and Lando shrugged.

“Guess not. That leaves Checo.”

As far as you knew, Checo wasn’t going anywhere. At the very least, Red Bull had no plans on letting him go. Did that mean he was leaving on his own accord? Retirement, maybe? No, not at the height of his career. What then?

“I’m stumped.” You sighed, resting your chin on your hand.

“Guess you’ll find out soon, huh?” He tried, not eliciting much of a reaction from you. “Hey, Y/N.” He grabbed your attention. You looked up at him through distant eyes. “This is good news!” He was right again- you knew that. So why did it still feel so strange?

You let out a long exhale.

“I sure hope so.”

.・。.・゜✭・. .・。.・゜✭・. .・。.・゜✭・.

[cursedvibes]

I think Yuuji getting through to Megumi and finding out he has no will to live anymore would've been more impactful if we saw more of him during his possession than the three panels stretched over nearly 40 chapters where he's always just lying on the floor crying.

We initially get input that he's trying to fight back against Sukuna after he was hit with Jacob's Ladder, but then he's essentially just a footnote. "Btw, Megumi is somewhere in there and he's suffering." But we don't really see it.

I think it all comes down to that the moment that really broke him, the Yorozu vs Sukuna fight, should've given him more focus and Tsumiki. If that moment really hit and we saw him give up, his lack of presence for the rest of the chapters wouldn't be such a big problem.

The Yorozu fight was really just focused on her and Sukuna and their history. You get a mention that Sukuna is doing this to break Megumi and oh no, Tsumiki would die too, but really it's about Yorozu's character and Sukuna learning to handle 10 Shadows. Everything is about them, their jokes and then as a last addition we get "oh yeah, Megumi is sad because someone who has his sister's face died". Everything is already over at that point there is no tension, we don't feel with Megumi because the focus is on other people who vaguely look like him and Tsumiki. Looks are the only real connection to the sibling drama here and I think Yorozu and Sukuna don't even look that much like them. That should've been better balanced.

Take Yuuji's breakdown in Shibuya for example. That makes him want to die as well and throw everything away. We're there with him, how he goes through briefly raised hopes to crushing defeat, how his face distorts as he sees Nanami and Nobara die before him. He's going through anger, fighting with grit teeth for as long as he can until he just curls in on himself and wants to die like his friends. We hear his thoughts, we can emphasize with what is happening. Even when he finds out what happened while Sukuna took over, we see the memories swarm his mind, he desperately clutches his head, claws at the ground, throws up. It's utterly heartbreaking. And that is because we experience it with Yuuji. We don't just cut to him lying on the floor unresponsive and that's the only feedback we get to his emotional state, not even some thoughts.

Megumi clearly saw or felt what happened while Sukuna was in control of his body (I mean, if we didn't have the editor comment like in the volume release you could also think the Bath just numbed him, but I'm not gonna be that picky here). So show him struggle during the fight against Yorozu aka the body of Tsumiki. Show his reaction to being rendered mute and powerless, unable to even lift a finger to hinder Sukuna. Show me his thoughts, he clearly has them. Show me how he eventually came to just give up and wait for death. Just something, anything. All of this I mentioned I am just inferring, we don't get to go through his emotional journey that is clearly very important to the story. All we see is the aftermath with no additional context and then nothing for another 20 chapters or so.

For that matter, show me Tsumiki, if there's anything left of her at all. That is who Megumi tries to fight for after all and she's a victim in all this too. She might've gone through the same things Megumi did, she might've experienced similar pain, but we simply don't know. What would Megumi even be fighting for? Was Tsumiki just dead or gone ever since Yorozu woke up in the hospital or did she witness what was going on as well? Was the Yorozu fight just pointless in that regard because clearly Tsumiki was long gone anyway and Sukuna is essentially just burying a dead body? This fight could've actually been quite dramatic. It claimed to be that due to Megumi and potentially Tsumiki suffering in the background, but it was in the end completely inconsequential. Sukuna and Yorozu would've fought anyway, if Megumi and Tsumiki were there or not, and Yorozu would've always lost. Since except for some throwaway lines and the end panel there isn't really any acknowledgement of the emotional stakes, they fall completely flat. It's about Yorozu and her understanding of love and also a bit about Sukuna's backstory and all this is nice and interesting, I certainly enjoyed it, but this should've laid the groundwork for what is happening to possessed-Megumi as well.

Same with the Gojo fight. Was Megumi effected at all by seeing Gojo there, was he affected by what Gojo said, his disregard for Megumi's body that made Yuuji and Hana question if he even cared? Did he feel anything when Gojo died? Was he still capable of sensing what was going on outside at all or did he sleep through all that. For that matter, how did those 5 Unlimited Voids affect him? His brain should be toast by all accounts. Did he blame Gojo for anything? This could've added some much needed emotional stakes and depth to the Gojo vs Sukuna fight, but again, we don't see anything, just a repeat shot of Megumi crying on the floor.

Megumi went through some pretty significant character development and I assume that is going to go even further now that Yuuji has made contact, but that all happened off-screen. Especially "Tsumiki's" death and its impact should've been shown to lay the groundwork for what happens now. All we got so far is: what happened made him sad. Like yeah sure, I can imagine, but can't we get more than that? That's like skipping the majority of Shibuya except for Nanami and Nobara's deaths and then going right to Yuuji lying on the floor and Todo giving his inspirational speech without showing us even a hint of all the struggle and emotional turmoil Yuuji experienced in the meantime.

I'm not even a Megumi fan, it's just something I noticed while reading. Honestly, the last 30 chapters or so I pretty much forgot about Megumi. Yes, I want Yuuji to save him, but as for Megumi himself my thoughts were always just "well, I guess he's doing badly, who knows". It was all very abstract and hypothetical when it didn't need to be.

[saintobio]

OK OK OK OMG I FINALLY CAUGHT YOUR ASKBOX OPEN YAYYYY!! But also...

Ummm.... Yeah no maybe it's my fault for opening my mouth xdxdsdgadvd (also for some reason it wouldn't let me take a screenshot so enjoy these shitty pics I had to take from my phone 🤡)

It's a side tangent but since you came back with sn, one of the most fun things have been to theorize and see other people's theories hehe. I honestly read sy so long ago and it had such an impact on me, so seeing you and honestly everyone back here; talking about series and excited about updates makes me feel so giddy and at home. It's been a while since I've had so much fun in a fandom XD

Ok now back to the ANGST, I want you to know this was my reaction the whole time,

I was honestly scared of even reading the chapter but my GOSHHHH.

It was honestly so refreshing to see Satoru finally acknowledge what y/n means to him and no matter how much he tries she might still be the most important thing to him in the end. Honestly it was a cathartic moment they both needed at the lake but still 😭 my heart is hurting so much for them. To finally stand face to face and acknowledge the hurt, to hold each other 😭😭 They both really needed that. I might just be looking too much into it, but when Gojo threw his ring in the ocean y/n was able to get it back (even if geto was the one who found it) but when y/n threw the last part of Gojo; the necklace into the lake, he went after it but didn't get it back... it sounds like symbolism for something that I am not ready for

It was honestly so refreshing to see Satoru finally acknowledge what y/n means to him and no matter how much he tries she might still be the most important thing to him in the end. Honestly it was a cathartic moment they both needed at the lake but still 😭 my heart is hurting so much for them. To finally stand face to face and acknowledge the hurt, to hold each other 😭😭 They both really needed that. I might just be looking too much into it, but when Gojo threw his ring in the ocean y/n was able to get it back (even if geto was the one who found it) but when y/n threw the last part of Gojo; the necklace into the lake, he went after it but didn't get it back... it sounds like symbolism for something that I am not ready for TvT

They are both hurt, they are both suffering without each other; but they also suffer when they are with each other. TvT

Also, I understand Akemi's reaction but bitch 😭😭 Don't you realise this is exactly what y/n felt when you slept with Satoru. Her avoiding y/n to not make her angry or trouble her, I understand; but it just seems to me that she's making excuses to lessen her guilt and run away so she doesn't have to see what she did to her best friend. LIKE SHE'S SO FRICKING EAGER to play house with Satoru and when Sachi called her mama she was overjoyed. It's just so... sus. I might understand her but I lost all respect for her when she decided to betray her bff. I would never understand women who choose a man over someone who's been there for them through everything. I just think she's taking the whole "I can fix him" 🤡 thing too seriously but idk at this point.

And Satoru how THE FUCK DO YOU KEEP FUMBLING THE WOMEN YOU LOVE SO BAD. If you are gonna be an asshole atleast do it right!? I so badly wanna believe he only ran after Akemi to check on her and explain everything but... I just don't have enough faith in him now :<

I feel SO BAD for y/n. Girlll 😭, I don't even know what to say but I can only give her this message-

(My asks always get so long so quick, sorry oof. But SIDE SIDE TANGET- I ABSOLUTELY LOVED RIDE OR DIE. I ATE IT UP FOR BREAKFAST, LUNCH AND DINNER OH GODDDD. I was a certified Sukuna!hater but you have changed my ways... you have brainwashed me into falling head over heels for that gremlin xd the brainrot rn is so bad- like MOVE ASIDE GOJO)

thanks so much for sending this ask. yayy you finally made it to the askbox on time !! :’D and this was such a fun read for me. ty for sharing <3 it’s always nice to see such long asks abt sn/sy bc the theories and analyses are all so great, like how do u guys come up with those? they’re so detailed too!! 🥹

i agree i think what makes sy11 impactful is bcos it took so long for gojoyn to be honest with each other, only for it to crumble down the next day bcos of their trauma, external relationships, and distrust with each other 💔 like so close yet so far

and ooh interesting analysis on akemi! i like how you juxtaposed her reaction to gojoyn versus yn’s reaction to catching gojokemi. there’s definitely a big difference there :> but i won’t say anything more to avoid spoilers hehe

lastly, rod! omg thanks for reading, i thoroughly enjoyed writing it i was giddy the whole time !!! but same bb same that gremlin has me on a chokehold too 😆

[sixosix]

SOBBING EUEU UEUEGEH EUGEUE UEHEUUEUEE

(got a lil shy while drawing them doing the smooch🫣)

im so getting emotional rn like THERES ONE MORE CHAPTER LEFT😭😭🤧 i feel like it was just last month where i sent u the first ask HHAHAHHS rizzney is actually a myth look at him at his KNEES for mc bro is a tomato, a strawberry, hes the same color as his bow headass. also yeah aether its probably best to get your hands off mc now LMAOOOO. LYNETTEEEE i love u ueegheheg eueh ueh. also CHILDE😍🥰🥰😍🤩😍😍🥰my man lesgo, my mc childe sibling boat is sailing HAHHSHHSHX

on the side note, im hella hyped for the aether series💥💥💥 trust that I'll still be w u in that journey as much as i am in this one. your writings breathe life into me like actually. Thawed has relieved me from artblock lots of times and im greatful for that. As long as i live, thawed exists alr. like this fic is injected into my brain HAHHAHHSHHSHSN

i might draw more even after the series is over tho LMAOOOO like just my headcanons and stuff. THATS HOW MUCH I LOVE THAWED OK U DONT UNDERSTAND this the thawed impact😭😭😭😭

but yeah, have a nice day six!! i love u very much❤️❤️

AKAAGIIIII im tearing up again 😢 U DREW THE KISS SCENE WAAAAAAAHHH. omg. They look so soft im sobbing i can feel the warmth ARRGHHHH THEIR HEIGHT DIFFERENCE TOO IMGOING CRAZY the way hes holding her... Okay. okay.

im so emotional too like I CANT BELIEVE ITS THE LAST CHAPTER NEXT.... I stared at my phone after i posted that recent chapter like wt f am i gonna do now. well obviously we know what im gonna do next but thawed impact was real to me too 😢😢 thats my baby and im letting her go NOOOOO

IM SO HAPPY TO HEAR THAT!!! im glad we met through thawed and im forever grateful that youre still sticking to my blog. 🙏🙏🙏 i swear and wholeheartedly believe that thawed wouldn't have been the same without your art. TRUST ME I WROTE IT.

and ofc ill still welcome (and BEG) for thawed content from you even after i officially end it. i have attachment to your thawed!mc and i dont think its gonna go away ever. I LOVE U SO MUCHH U ARE WONDERFUL HAVE AN AMAZING EVERY DAY

[melminli]

𝗡𝗼 𝗦𝘂𝗽𝗿𝗶𝘀𝗲𝘀 - 𝟬𝟮

pairing: jjk x fem. reader

summery - meeting new people can be nerve-wracking, but that's how you make new friends.

word count: 1.2k

content: x reader, pre canon au, genshin impact inspired themes, crack, fluff, (in the future: manga spoilers, angst, gojo satoru x reader...)

series masterlist | previous chapter! | next chapter!

tokyo, august 21 2005

"i think i'll have the blueberry cheesecake..." you finally decide after thinking about it for a while and looking at the different options at the shop window.

satoru joined you. "yeah, me too."

you looked at him in annoyance in response. "are you stupid? pick something else. we can't both have the same thing." you pointed at something else in the window by tapping on the glass. "take the chocolate cake. i want to try it."

his mood worsened at your statement. "you always do this, and then you don't share yourself, so i always end up eating the things you actually want!" he threw the accusation at you being finally fed up with your behavior.

you laughed lightly and didn't take him seriously. "is that so?" you didn't elaborate further because you didn't really care, to be honest. it wasn't your fault that he always wanted to order the same thing you did. hasn't he ever heard of the rule that when you go out to eat somewhere, you have to pick different stuff?

you waited outside on a bench while he went in to buy the pastries, and you looked a little surprised when he came out a few minutes later with a box too big for just two cakes. "what did you buy?" you asked him a bit judgmentally. though, maybe the right question to ask was how much. you shouldn't have let him go in alone.

he just shrugged his shoulders. "the cakes and a few other things because we're going to meet some of my friends." he casually gave the reason while being very aware of the fact that this wasn't the original plan.

you shook your head. "no, we didn't talk about anything like that. i don't want to meet your friends." you said directly without hesitation. you had a relatively good day today, a good mood, and the weather was nice. you wouldn't ruin that by spending your precious time being awkward around other people.

satoru just rolled his eyes behind his sunglasses. "i know you don't like talking to strangers, but you need to get out of your comfort zone a bit."

there was literally no reason why you had to do that. you didn't know why he made that his mission today. "i'm doing this with you already, isn't that enough?" you complained.

he sent you an offended look at that statement. "we've known each other for ages. that's definitely not the definition of strangers." he said a bit bitter. you always had to unintentionally break his heart like that.

you avoided his gaze. "i'll look up the definition right now if you keep bugging me." you said, being a little petty but also didn't want to risk exposing yourself in case he was right. you guys had been hanging out pretty often since you met two months ago, and he also texts you every day and spams your phone with dumb memes. "besides, i don't want to meet your stupid friends."

"they're not stupid. come on." he ignored your whining and went ahead. he knew you would follow him eventually since he was carrying your blueberry cheesecake. otherwise, he wouldn't have acted so confidently.

you considered following him for a while until you shouted. "wait for me!" you said and ran after him.

a while after that...

you ate your cake in silence and didn't pay much attention to the others. it was kind of relaxing to picnic outside, you thought. especially in the shady place under the trees. but even though you were a person who said what was on their mind most of the time, you were pretty quiet right now. well, you were kinda outnumbered here, so one could say that you felt a little intimidated, perhaps.

was it very obvious that you had grown up isolated and had never actually interacted with others around your age? you hoped not because even if you didn't like to admit it, satoru was the only person you would consider somewhat of a friend, and you certainly didn't want to put that on your resume.

"so, why aren't you a jujutsu sorcerer if you can see curses?" the girl next to you asked you in a casual tone.

you shrugged your shoulders and answered without looking her in the face. you were pretty nervous right now, you always wanted to be friends with a girl. "i don't know. why do you ask stupid questions when you can just shut up?"

satoru looked at you with disappointment. "hey, what did we talk about? stop being mean to others as a defense meschanism. you need to let others into you." he said the last sentence in a therapist voice while pointing both his hands to his heart. "this way, you just come across as a total asshole and no one will like you that way."

you just rolled your eyes and wondered why he always bothered you to hang out with him if you were such an ass. "that's what your mom did last night."

the other two friends laughed lightly at the trap that the gojo had set up for himself. he looked a bit betrayed at the two before he started saying something quick to somehow save his honor. "well, unlike you, i have a certain charm that appeals to older women. so i don't know. maybe i actually have a chance with your mom." he countered, emphasizing the last words extra hard.

it was a little painful to watch him try so hard. he just made things worse with that awkward statement. "my mom's dead, actually." she wasn't, but you loved the look on others' faces when you told them that after they made a your mom joke. you tried to stifle your laughter at satoru's expression, but you couldn't help but slightly contort your face.

it was a bit difficult not to be childish when you had lost your childhood to the hands of adults. it was something you would never get back and therefore would always stick with you.

the white-haired boy finally noticed what you did. "stop lying to make me look like a idiot! you really made me seem like a bad person!"

the three of you thought the same thing at what he said. he was worried about that? satoru's best friend couldn't help but add something as well. you think his name was suguru. "you don't need her help for that, i think you can do that all by yourself."

this led to the two continuing to bicker and exchange insults and threats with each other as they butted heads.

shoko ignored them and turned to you again. she didn't really mind your rudeness. you seemed like a good person with a tough shell. she asked you something because she wanted to make sure that she had heard you correctly before. "what did you say your last name was again?"

you looked at her and answered with a disinterested tone after reaching for a fruit roll. "raiden. why?"

she shook her head. "no reason." she looked up through the small gaps in the foliage, which let out pretty rays of sunlight. raiden means thunder and lightning, doesn't it?

to be continued...

next chapter!

[unnoticed-poison]

𝚈𝚊𝚗𝚍𝚎𝚛𝚎! 𝙳𝚊𝚛𝚔! 𝙷𝚊𝚣𝚋𝚒𝚗 𝙷𝚘𝚝𝚎𝚕 𝚅𝚊𝚛𝚒𝚘𝚞𝚜 𝚇 𝚁𝚎𝚊𝚍𝚎𝚛 °【 𝕮𝖍𝖆𝖕𝖙𝖊𝖗 𝟒 】𝕻𝖆𝖗𝖙 𝟏°

【 𝕿𝖗𝖆𝖎𝖑𝖊𝖗 𝕮𝖍𝖆𝖕 】

【 𝕮𝖍𝖆𝖕𝖙𝖊𝖗 𝟏 】

【 𝕮𝖍𝖆𝖕𝖙𝖊𝖗 𝟐 】

【 𝕮𝖍𝖆𝖕𝖙𝖊𝖗 𝟑 】

【 𝕮𝖍𝖆𝖕𝖙𝖊𝖗 𝟒 】 𝕻𝖆𝖗𝖙 1

【 𝕮𝖍𝖆𝖕𝖙𝖊𝖗 𝟒 】 𝕻𝖆𝖗𝖙 2

Let me just start by saying that I do not apologize for what's gonna happen in this chapter ☺️

Well not really a chapter since it's just the scene that I left out from the last chapter, tests are starting soon so I couldn't add more.

˖๑‧˚꒷꒦₊꒷꒦︶︶₊꒷꒦˚‧๑˖𓆩ꨄ︎𓆪 ˖๑‧˚꒷꒦︶︶₊꒷꒦₊꒷꒦˚‧๑˖

"-And that's how the whole overpopulation issue would be fixed! And your people won't need to do the extermination anymore!" Charles said, pointing to the final paper, which had various angels and demons holding hands with happy smiles.

......

"Is this a joke?"

Charles blinked, taken aback by the response. "What?"

"I said, is this a joke?" You asked again, looking at him like he was a lunatic. "Are you serious?"

He stammered, unsure of what to say.

"I'm completely serious!"

.....

You couldn't believe what you just heard.

"Everyone? Just mere mistakes?" You narrowed your eyes at his words. "You're saying that 𝘢𝘭𝘭 sinners deserve a second chance?"

He nodded. "Yes!"

Oh my god.

Frustrated, you pinched the bridge of your nose, your patience running thin the more you heard this idiot talk about this nonsense. "Ok, let's see if I can get this through your thick head."

Not that you were sure it would make any difference with this guy.

"Huh..?"

"Let's say that your idea can in fact work and you redeem a soul, let's also consider that this particular soul was a rapist, a cannibal or a serial killer for example, What would we say to their victims when they see them up there in heaven with them with the crimes they committed? 'Oh they got redeemed so it's all good now! It'll be best for you to forgive and forget!'. " You sneered, like that would ever happen. " yeah right, fuck off."

"I- no! I mean-"

He had nothing to say to that.

"Look, I appreciate you trying to help your people but let's be honest, if humans can do whatever they want then just get redeemed here to end up in heaven it wouldn't be fair to the souls who have been good in life, now would it?"

Well...

With a shake of your head, you walked past him.

This was a waste of time.

"You can try again next meeting but let me tell you now, your idea is never going to be accepted or work for that matter, now if you'll excuse me."

....

No...

He glanced up back and forth at the drone then at you, panic settling in.

No..NO!!

If he let you go now who knows when he'll have another chance at this!

"WAIT!!" He yelled out, his hands outstretched as he rushed ahead to stop you.

But of course, due to his luck, he tripped over his own feet.

Shit!

As he desperately tried to steady himself, he grabbed onto your dress, his eyes widened as the fabric started to rip rapidly.

Fuck!

You cried out in surprise as he collided with you, the impact was sudden and startling, causing you to stumble forward, your body making a loud thumb as it meet the ground, the man following suit, his face landing directly on top of your ass.

.........

Everything went silent.

"Well, that was unexpected."

Was the only thing Vox was able to say.

Oh, this was 𝘧𝘶𝘯.

˖๑‧˚꒷꒦₊꒷꒦︶︶₊꒷꒦˚‧๑˖𓆩ꨄ︎𓆪 ˖๑‧˚꒷꒦︶︶₊꒷꒦₊꒷꒦˚‧๑˖

Someone fucked up BIG time

The lucky mf got to feel the cake on their first meeting.

Btwwww~!

One of my friends made this Fanart of my mc for this!! And even drew her as mermaid!! THANK YOU SO MUCH BESTIE!! I LOVE YOUUU😭😭💖💖💖

This fic is posted on AO3, Wattpad and Quotev

Anyhow hope you enjoyed the chapter, have a nice day! ❣️

[raven-at-the-writing-desk]

Do you think Rollo, Fellow and Gidel could be in the main story? And if that's possible, could the events where they appear be canon? Or maybe they have an entire chapter giving them more development?

As much as I would love for the Halloweenies (yes, that's what I'm going to call Rollo, Fellow, Gidel, and any other subsequent new character introduced for TWST's Halloween season event) to show up in the main story and get further development, I don't think it's feasible within the current "canon" timeline. There's a good reason why Yana said that vignettes and story events don't always fit within the main story: it's because most of them would make zero sense if they happened within the single school year where all the OB stuff pans out. This is, of course, also true of Glorious Masquerade and Stage in Playful Land.

The main issue is that important details would automatically become continuity errors. Both GloMasq and Playful Land occur around Halloween, with Playful Land happening during the holiday prep and the conflict of GloMasq taking place on Halloween Night itself. But... this can't be the case for the main story because that creates faults in logic. Yuu does not learn who Malleus is until book 5, which occurs all the way in mid to late winter--yet if GloMasq were canon in the main story, then Yuu would have already have knowledge of his true identity (since Malleus's peers are all addressing him by name). Furthermore, Yuu should only know the first few dorms' members by mid/late autumn in the main story, yet they act like they're already acquainted with all of the students in the Halloween events. Why, then, would Yuu/the boys act confused or as if they don't know these people/Yuu when meeting them later in the main story?

This goes even deeper than just making issues surrounding Yuu. GloMasq and Playful Land becoming "main story canon" disrupts the storylines in place for other characters in the main story. Deuce's UM, for example, is integral to Rollo's defeat. However, Deuce does not actually develop said UM until book 5, which, again, takes place in the mid to late winter time. It's not possible for Deuce to have his UM in autumn, when GloMasq happens. Additionally, Ortho is shown in his College Gear for the Playful Land event, which he does not canonically get until the end of book 6. Book 6 takes place shortly after book 5, meaning probably late winter or early spring, which is way after Halloween.

We cannot say that GloMasq and Playful Land occur in the year after Yuu's first. While this could explain away Yuu's wonky relationships with everyone, Deuce's UM, and Ortho being a full student, this doesn't explain why the third years are still present or why everyone is in the same grade level they'd still be in for the year that Yuu joins NRC. The first years would be second years, second years would be third years, and third years wouldn't even be around anymore; they'd be away on their internships, most of which are not on Sage's Island.

Another potential problem is that the Halloweenies showing up in their own dedicated main story chapters spoils the people who didn't play their respective events. (This is assuming that TWST would give a recap of the events Rollo, Fellow, and Gidel came from; it robs the original event stories of their impact because the truth is that a summary can never do the full event justice. However, there is no avoiding this because otherwise not everyone would have context for the Halloweenies.) It's either that, or the players get no context whatsoever for who these characters are or what their relevance is, which interferes with trying to tell a story about their development and getting the out-of-the-loop players to care about their growth. It's not like you can go back and read the original events whenever you want either, you had to have played through the events in full when they were originally running (or rerunning) in order to see the stories in your albums.

Anyway 💀 as you can see, there would be a multitude of issues in trying to squeeze Rollo, Fellow, and Gidel into the main story. Not saying that it's completely out of the question, but it seems very unlikely to me unless TWST does a rug pull and introduces canonical diverging timelines within the game's main story narrative or something. Right now, I definitely do not see the Halloweenies being incorporated in that way. At best, maybe we'd get more official content of them if they ever got more card releases or something.

[soupthatistohot]

BSD 110: An Absurdist Analysis

The fate of Aya Kōda

Since my post analyzing BSD 109 in accordance with Asagiri's absurdist storytelling got so much love, I've decided to continue analyzing the chapters thru an absurdist lens when I deem it relevant, and making predictions accordingly. I think that not only is it an effective way of reading BSD, it gives us readers a bit more hope that things will turn out okay when the plot is... like it is right now (lol).

I recommend checking out my BSD 109 post if you haven't already this since I explain the philosophy of the absurd in depth there :)

BSD 110 spoilers below!! Obviously! Also TW for discussion of suicide.

So. I really don't think the ten year-old girl is going to die.

On top of Aya being "the last hope" (more on that later), suicide is one of those things that absurdists really frown upon.

Aya's plan as I understand it right now is to add her weight to the table in order to pull the sword from Bram's body, this is why she jumps. If this works, the sword will be dislodged and she, the sword and the table would fall to the ground, which is very far below -- she would likely die upon impact.

Absurdists really don't like suicide as a solution to hopeless situations, most absurdist storytellers have their characters commit suicide because they have "given up". It's submission, giving into the meaninglessness of our reality rather than rebelling against and embracing the absurd.

We see this with Oda in Dark Era, his suicide mission is framed as him giving up on life because the orphans were killed. Of course, it also served as catalyst for Dazai's character development, compelling him to escape a situation that would have likely ended up in his own eventual suicide. All this to say that even though Asagiri chose to make Oda go on a suicide mission, the overall narrative purpose still lent itself to absurdism through Dazai's decision to defect. It needed to happen for the story to move forward as it has (and as we know from BEAST, there literally cannot be a universe in which both Oda and Dazai are alive).

So, if Aya dies now, what message does this send? It's almost certain that the world will literally end if she does, meaning that everyone's efforts up until this point have all been for naught, which, as I explained in my BSD 109 post, is the opposite of the entire point of BSD as an absurdist text. Aya is really the "last hope" right now, with all our other main characters pretty much screwed or just not present.

"Nothing is impossible for a warrior of justice. We beat the bad guys and save the world, no matter what happens."

What Aya says right here is something I'd liken to the Dazai quote I brought up with my BSD 109 analysis: "The ones who actually make the world turn are those who scream within the storm of uncertainty and run with flowing blood." Both communicate the idea that there's never an acceptable point in time to give up (suicide), that there's always something more that you can do, even when things seem bleak. Those who "make the world turn" are one in the same with Aya's concept of "warriors of justice."

Aya may not succeed exactly the way we expect her to, but she absolutely is not dying like this. On top of the absurdist storytelling reasons, she's just a child. Of course, we know Asagiri isn't above killing kids, but Aya is a bit different than the other children we've met in BSD. Her character has been built up and developed, she has a fleshed-out backstory, and we've spent a lot of time with her. To kill off a little girl we've come to care about a lot would just be cruel, plus her death wouldn't really serve a narrative purpose right now.

So, what could happen?

One prediction is that Aya adding her weight to the table does dislodge the sword and she falls, but she is saved by another character. We know Kenji and Tecchou are out there right now, we haven't seen Yosano or Kyouka in ages, etc. etc.. Basically, there are definitely people out there that could come to her rescue.

But there's an option I like a lot better: Aya's ability manifests.

Aya Kōda was a 20th century Japanese novelist and essayist, and the namesake for the Aya we know in BSD. As far as we know, all the characters who are named after real-life authors possess an ability inspired by the life/work of said author. Aya doesn't have an ability yet, so logic follows that she will develop one by the end of the series.

I'm not sure where I read this, so take it with a grain of salt, but I believe that in BSD the character's abilities manifest because of trauma. Not only does Aya live in a somewhat emotionally abusive household, but she's literally been thrust into the middle of a conflict in which the world could literally end and has decided to jump off of a tall building to try to save the world -- I'd say that's pretty traumatizing!

I'm not familiar with the irl Aya Kōda's works enough to speculate about what her ability would actually do, but there's a decent chance that because of the current situation, her special ability will manifest in order to prevent her from dying and/or dislodge the sword from Bram. This would also fit absurdist storytelling very well, she's literally doing jumping off a building as a complete last ditch effort, it's a crazy plan that probably won't work -- but her other option is to just accept death, and that's not acceptable. If she were to manifest her ability in this moment, it would reinforce the idea that rebelling against the absurd has value, that even when things seem at their worst there's always something you can do.

Anyway, these are just my thoughts! Please feel free to add anything you find relevant, especially if you're familiar with Aya's irl counterpart! See you next month ;)

Here's the BSD 110 translation I pulled the panels from.

[lgbtlunaverse]

3zun data analysis

I was wondering how much the different 2-out-of-3zun ship fics were actually focused specifically on them, rather than having them feature as side pairings, so I did a little mini-experiment. Beginning by searching for otp:true in each tag

(This doesn't give you the real number of fics were the pairing is the main focus, for the record. The other tagged ships might've been a side pairing, and the one we're filtering for the main one, and otp:true also filters out platonic relationships. So, for example, a nielan fic that has the nie brothers tagged as a platonic bond will also be filtered out. But since it does that for all ships you can still get a good idea how likely each one of them is to be the center in their fics)

My hypothesis was that Nielan would be the least likely, as they're frequently tagged as a side pairing in wangxian focused fics, with xiyao and nieyao having comparable results.

Nielan, as I type this, have 2154 works, of which only 627 have only nielan tagged. That is 29% of all nielan fics.

Next up is xiyao, who have 4534 works, of which 2195 only have xiyao tagged, a significanly higher 48%

And lastly nieyao, who have the least works in total with 1749, but have 683 works only tagged nieyao, more than nielan despite having less fics overall. Ending up at 39% of all nieyao fics

So I was right about nielan being lower, but turned out to be wrong in my hypothesis that nieyao and xiyao would end up with comparable results!

One possible factor is that nieyao, being a smaller ship, is more affected by those big collection-type fics that have a dozen pairings tagged for every chapter, as well as 3zun fics that have the individual pairings tagged. (Which we'll get to later!!)

Also, Huaisang - typical of him - butts into nieyao more. 5% of nieyao fics have the Nie brothers tagged platonically, and almost exactly the same number are tagged sangyao. Compare that to lan xichen's much more reserved little brother who really doesn't want to be a part of this, as only 3% of xiyao fics are tagged with the twin jades, and zhanyao... isn't much of a thing.

I'd anticipated both of these, but I'd also expected that xiyao, being a bigger ship, would be a less controversial background pairing for wangxian, who - let's be real - are the main players within the mdzs fic space so they massively impact the numbers. I know xiyao are certainly not without controversy (god no) and the go-to side pairings are xicheng and xuanli instead but like... compared to nieyao, surely they're the normie pick? And, well, 25% of xiyao fics are tagged wangxian compared to only 20% of nieyao fics so that is somewhat true, but not as much as I'd thought. (For comparison, 43% of nielan fics are tagged wangxian)

Now let's look at 3zun overall. Of the 1127 3zun fics, 277 are exclusively tagged 3zun. That's only 25%

But that doesn't feel right. After all, a lot of 3zun fics also tag the individual pairings. And excluding them like we did with the 2-out-of-3zun ships feels wrong. You'd categorize a fic tagged with both nieyao and 3zun as a 3zun fic, wouldn't you?

So I manually excluded each non 2-out-of-3zun pair. This took a bit, but you end up with 538 3zun fics which are either not tagged with any side pairing, or only tagged with a ship already contained in 3zun. That is 48% of all 3zun fics, similar to xiyao.

So there you have it! Xiyao is the most independent of the subfandoms, having almost half of its works centered solely around xiyao (and even more primarily focused on xiyao. As I said, otp:true also filters out works that still focus on xiyao but have other background relationships) with the overall 3zun fandom having a similar focus, followed by nieyao, and then nielan.

edit: this has a part 2 now