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dzpenumbra · 2 years

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9/24/22

Today was much better, but really fuckin weird. I got like 4 hours of sleep, woke up and smoked. When I went back to bed, my inspiration just cracked wide open. I started combining different cool ideas I had seen that I really thought were doing something new and original. I started stitching them together to make a series idea that I was so excited about that I literally couldn't stop talking about it, for 2 hours. I was on a goddam roll. So I got up, made some spicy chicken ramen in the microwave and started writing it down.

Think Survivorman, but Rimworld. No more settling down and building a fortress with killboxes and shit. We're going nomad. And my chat is going to guide our journey. I mean... the Patrons will, of course... And current Twitch subs.

I think I'm going to leave Twitch for YouTube. I dipped my toes in the water years back, the adjustment would be minimal at worst. The only reason I'm on Twitch in the first place is because I could get money there. Because getting Affiliate was easier to achieve than getting 1000 Subscribers on YouTube. It's much easier to get 5 friends to watch your streams (or in my case, 5 strangers pretending and trying to be my friend) than to get 1000 followers on your no-name YT channel when you have no friends. Then YT has to actually approve you for donos and shit. So... I just figured Twitch would be easier to get started on and stuck with it. Raids are a thing too, but whatever.

I was thinking I could use a dono menu as incentive to get my Partnership and unlock money making abilities. Like... people can donate to set ingame goals for the character(s), off a list so it doesn't get too "I gave you money and you couldn't do what I asked". And they can help me get exposure in order to unlock that menu and be able to use it. Patreon Tiers could work too, but I really just kinda need to keep it on one site. People just don't like jumping onto other websites than where they're at. I would really like to incentivize Patreon shit directly through YT and make the rewards more visible on my end (like their Patreon Tier in chat or whatever), but yeah, maybe that's coming up in the future if they try to merge or at least work together with them or something.

I want this thing to be running at all times. No pausing. No fast forwarding. So this character is living in real-time with the stream. This would be really fucking good for a subathon, too. And the best part... if I can figure out a UI substitute for those shitty green screened cameras pointing at the streamer... But instead the Rimworld colony there... ideally if people could just listen to the same audio track but swap between Rimworld and whatever I have on the other monitor... Because then I can do art streams, and music streams, and even Minecraft streams... while I'm streaming Rimworld. The colony will always be running and I can just tab over to check in, I already have follow-cams set up to follow the colonists around.

I get so immersed in these ideas, they get so visceral. I can see myself at a desk hosting this. I can feel the cold morning feeling that would be my equivalent of PiG's morning coffee and breakfast in his Sydney apartment with his wife. As I get up and get my day started with Max, and check in with chat, who is watching my replays as I sleep. Like, I can really see that happening. I try to keep that hope, that mental vision, that hypothetical scenario, alive and fuel belief and faith in it. And what happens? People don't see what I see in it. They fall flat. They are just like... "oh, that's cool." Or something monotone. Emotionless. Like I just told them about a cool new type of tax filing form I heard about. Actually, they might be more interested in that, to be honest.

It takes this drive, this inspiration, this divine spark. I love that term for it, I want to keep that one! It takes that divine spark, and snuffs it out. It feels like they almost consume it. It's hard to tell, because whether they consume it or destroy it, I feel loss either way. But my Mom made a point to let me know she had an insane day and barely slept. She's running on fumes. I just went into my own head and clarified a few things about my Mom, she's got some health issues and doctor-related things. I don't like talking about others' personal demons specifically, but let's just say it's very justified. She won't go to a doctor. Neither will my dad, about anything. And they're in their late-60's and early 70's. So... I hope since my sister in law is a doctor... she might be able to urge my Mom in the right direction.

I don't want to talk about this. Too much doctor stuff in my life right now, a bit too spooky. Maybe another night. I wanted to focus things back into bringing some light to the end of my day. I chatted with my mom, it was overall very good. I made a huge batch of Falafel, Tzatziki and sliced tomato and ate fuckin all of it. With some limeade on the side. *chef's kiss* And smoked first, too, this new indica-dominant hybrid. And watched skate videos that were just absolutely amazing. Like, they captured skating so fucking well. NKA Vids - https://www.youtube.com/c/NkaVidsSkateboarding check him out, good lord. It's seriously just like going skating with your friends, the same fucking vibe. I miss that shit so much. It was so refreshing to get to watch this guy's POV as he's waiting for a security guard to climb a 10 floor parking garage to kick him and his friends out. Scary, of course, but like... I remember being that! I don't miss being yelled at or told to leave, people screaming and insulting us and treating us like vandals. But I miss the adventure of finding new spots, and checking out this new place your friends heard about, or skating the go-to spot. Going with your friends. Rooting eachother on. Tossing out trick ideas, riffing off eachother. I hope I can really get my ass to start skating before the snow, there's not much time left. But I WILL snowskate this year, hold me to that, I just need to figure out where, because I likely wont' have yard access anymore. I'll try to connect locally on reddit or drop by the skate shop or something. I'd love to street snowskate too, but I'd like power in numbers on that if I'm in a city. Don't wanna be doing that alone.

I threw together a modlist on Rimworld, everything but the UI and the no-pause mod are pretty much good to go. I listened to my brother's music on loop the whole time. Oh shit no, so I did my SketchDaily first (which was REALLY sick and abstract for once...), listened to music during that, then went over to Rimworld after.

I sent a message to my brother, told him that I had been listening to his shit, that I liked specific tracks, that I was really impressed with his range and really like the direction he's going lately. The poor guy has 0 followers, I can't even follow because I don't have an active SoundCloud, I can't figure out which email the account I want to access is associated with because I haven't used it in like... 8 years? 9 years? I connected him with my Insta. It felt like progress. We haven't talked in several years, we've had some big fights. We both have PTSD pretty bad, and both of us suffered great losses recently. I have a bit more experience... just... exposure-wise than he does. Which obviously isn't a competition - but interestingly enough almost always is perceived as such... - but it does sorta... lessen the shock of things slightly?

It's hard to describe, kinda like getting used to the temperature of a tub or something. Like scalding hot water will hurt you no matter what. But if you've been in that tub for a while, you sorta adjust to it, even if it stays the same temperature. And I feel like though he's had some losses and conflicts, he hadn't really suffered profound loss until recently. Where I have had it peppered in around my life for a decade at least, probably even longer. So I've just kinda been in the tub a bit longer. And with that experience, comes adapted tricks, learned lessons. They're all catered to the user of course, but you never know... maybe just hearing the method of learning lessons in the moment could be helpful. You never know, and I always feel like it's worth trying. Trying to pass on your lessons learned, so others can make their own choices with a broader spectrum of information.

Things have gotten very bad. In my life, in my relationships, in the world. Maybe it's just growing up. Maybe it's always been this way. But I see Fear running rampant. Consuming everyone around me. And it just keeps getting stronger. And it stares me in the eyes every now and again too. And I'm gonna feed my ego a little bit here and quote myself from 2008 - "Fear, her ugly face is poking through the clouds again. I've gotta stare her in the eyes and tell her this time she won't win." I feel like I've even evolved beyond this. Maybe this is what Joseph Campbell was talking about with the Dragon and the Demon. Like... dealing with the dragon is a way of dealing with a problem. Slaying, defeating, martyring, consuming, conquering - fighting the dragon. But with the demon, the relationship is just so much different, and the way of dealing with it is much more... conversational. At least in my recent experience, it's been very intentional on my behalf and it seems to be very successful. With the demon, and other spirit work of the kind, I've been... I don't want to say it, but kinda becoming friends with my demons. At very least uneasy allies. I'm learning to sit down and parlay with my Fear. Listen to what it has to say, have it listen to what I have to say, conference together, float ideas, brainstorm, then come to a course of action after. Not cowering from Fear, not facing it in battle, not consuming it, not letting it consume me, but sitting down and having a cup of tea with it.

I've talked about this before, but yeah... that's the stage I've been trying desperately to work on and integrate naturally. Weed helps tremendously. It allows my nasty fears tons of creative energy to tap into, that can go great like my inspiration time today, or shit like my freakouts a few years ago. They're both important. All that info is super important. So rather than do this "I'm Light, you're Dark, grrrrr" bullshit, we both agree we have a common vested interest in surviving together. Me and my Fear, we're both stuck in this soul together. For good. Because we're parts of the same personality. We might as well try to get along, learn a common language. And you only learn language through practice.

It's 6AM, and I got all fuckin existential again when I really wanted to go to bed. :( This strain is very inspiring, I'm actually slightly worried it might make me more mentally active before bed, rather than slowing me down and relaxing me as intended.

I'm going to see how my mom is doing tomorrow, and hopefully hear back from my brother about maybe hanging out. I want to go back to the river, I'd love to share that place. I made the offer, but no solid answer. Maybe I'll try to just say I'm going to the river regardless tomorrow afternoon, I miss looking for stones.

#diary #journal #stream of thoughts #spilled thoughts #online journal #mental health #stream of consciousness #self care #self improvement

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elysianslove · 4 years

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secrets that you keep; iwaizumi hajime

synopsis; in which his best friend is secretly a camgirl. part 1, part 2

pairings; iwaizumi hajime x fem!reader

genre; smut

trigger warnings; i highly recommend reading the first two parts before this. they’re only drabbles that introduce everything! anyways, this is absolute filth. don’t read this if any of the stuff mentioned could trigger you, please! masturbation, camgirl stuff, one mention of the word ‘daddy,’ self choking, degradation, humiliation, dacryphilia, unprotected sex, creampie, a lot of choking, accidental breathplay, not proofread unfortunately

she knows.

does she?

it’s an ongoing inner battle he’s been having for weeks now, ever since he’d been directed to that trending video of yours. he sees you in his dreams, hears you loud and clear, moaning and crying for him, and worst of all, he feels you, so perfectly, against his, around him, and it’s overwhelming in the worst way possible. even maintaining eye contact is tiresome at this point.

but he does wonder whether you know or not, more often than he should— were you deliberately calling out for him, in hopes that he’d find this video somehow? or had you said it because you’d assumed this is your safe place, that there’s no way he’d be able to find these videos? had it been a slip up? or, more accurately, multiple slip ups? what were the chances anyways, that it had been an accident, or unintentional, or intentional and he had been losing sleep over it, or that he wasn’t the hajime you were crying out for?

his heard hurt. awfully. there’s already the constant worry of regulating his breathing around you and cleansing his thoughts of anything he’d seen of you the moment you meet, but this added dilemma is in no way helping. every day that you text him for a coffee date, or a night out after a rather stressful week, or a night in at your apartment, and he agrees, his mind diverts immediately to where it shouldn’t as soon as he lays eyes on you. and the worst part of it all is how aware he is of how wrong this is. he knows it’s wrong to choose the revealing shirt over the other when you ask him for his opinion, just because he wants that effortless glance at your cleavage. it’s also so wrong of him to give a higher rating to that obscenely short dress than that other, knee length one because of the way your thighs squeeze when you sit. it’s definitely wrong of him to offer clasping your anklet, the one he’d gotten for you, the one that had been the dead giveaway to your secret online persona, just because your legs feel so soft against the rough pads of his fingers, when he resists the urge to trail upwards, upwards, upwards—

it’s fucking ridiculous.

he can’t believe just how deep of a rabbit hole finding one of your videos is, how it’s impossible to climb out and away, and even worse, how he keeps falling deeper. the one time he decides to jerk off to porn. it’s really ridiculous.

about a week ago, three weeks after finding that video of yours someone had uploaded— which had been taken down because of copyright, and hajime personally thinks that’s fair, considering there’s a reason you pay people to watch your videos and look through your photos, otherwise you would’ve taken the liberty to post everything for free yourself— hajime gives in, and subscribes to you. it’s with a randomized account name, something he tried his very best to make as anonymous as possible, so that it would in no way lead back to him. he doesn’t check in on your account as often, also having taken the time to turn off notifications and not have anything sent to his email, and it’s mostly out of shame. he already feels dirty enough having seen this much of you, even more that he’s fantasized about you. he’s not about to make it worse for himself.

every once in a while, though, especially days where he’s sure he’s completely free of responsibilities, he logs on, and finds your page. it just so happens that tonight, you’re hosting a live stream. swallowing his pride and shame, literally so, he shifts on his bed, sitting up straighter, and clicks to join.

he’d been a little late apparently, because you’re already bare, sitting on a chair. your legs are lifted up, knees bent and hooked over the chair’s arms, the camera angled to show everything, from your cute eyes to the flesh of your ass. there’s a vibrator in your hand, buzzing lightly as it hovers by your clit, dipping between your folds, sliding back up again to rub lazily at your clit. beneath you, on the chair, is a small damp spot, leaking from your cunt. hajime stops himself before his jaw falls slack at the sight of you, and instead, he clears his throat, gritting his teeth and watching carefully.

you’re not so talkative during your videos, just exclamations of pleasure and (the most beautiful of) noises, so he hadn’t expected you to be during your lives. to his surprise, you are, and it’s filthy.

whimpering lightly, you press the vibrator harsher on your clit, your other hand traveling up to squeeze at your breast. “m’so needy,” you admit with a soft pout, adding, “want you to tell me what to do, mmh.”

he’s assuming the ‘you’ is the audience, whoever’s willing to speak up, and it’s then that he notices the chat option. his eyes flicker curiously to it, hands twitching where they sit fisted at his lap as he sees the chat explode with orders and commands and suggestions for you.

one writes, stuff urself full, and hajime gapes.

another commands, wanna see u cry tn, and hajime privately agrees.

someone else writes, gonna squirt princess?

hajime’s hands twitch again, and he frowns, digging his nails into his palms. you’re ignoring all the suggestions, and it’s obvious because you’re reading through them, mouthing some of them, giggling at some, curiously gasping, ‘oh,’ at others, eyebrow quirking. the vibrator trails down to your hole again, and you experimentally dip it inside slightly, shivering visibly as the vibrations rush through you, and the moment he hears you moan so loud, he thinks, fuck it, and his hands reach for his keyboard.

choke yourself.

fuck, fuck, fuck, he did not just do that.

his heart is racing embarrassingly fast beneath his ribcage, loud and pathetically deafening in his ears as he watches your eyes read through the rest of the messages, and you’ve stopped mouthing them, your eyes are widening— which one are you at now? are you just going to ignore him? why wouldn’t you? of course you—

“you’d like that, huh?” you teasingly slur, a lazy, cheeky grin painting your lips, your teeth biting down on your lower lip and your hand— your hand—

it’s trailing upwards, upwards, upwards, until it finds its way around your throat, resting lightly, and just as he sees your fingers squeeze at the sides of your neck slightly, carefully, you pout at the camera, looking straight at him, and asking, “like this, daddy?”

a low fuck wheezes past his lungs, and his hand quickly presses down at the bulge in his sweatpants, squeezing and rubbing at his clothed dick as he watches you, entranced. people watching you with him have taken to thanking him for the idea, and to praising you, calling you a good girl, cursing, rapidly typing out something along the lines of you’re so hot i wanna fuck you so bad, and god, hajime hates that he relates to something as stupid as that.

your hips roll and your head falls back, hand not once leaving your throat. if anything, your grip tightens. you click on the vibrator, and the buzzing becomes louder, your moans with it, as if you were competing. you cry and gasp and sob, writhing in your own hold, your thighs tensing and your hole clenching around nothing as you harshly rub the vibrator against your clit. your cunt gushes and drips as you bring yourself closer to your orgasm, as you cry out a string of, “m’gonna cum, so close, so close!” and a mixture of lewd curses, until finally, you cum. you’re sent over the edge, legs swinging on the chair, high pitched squeals falling from your lips— which hajime can’t decide are real or not, or whether he wants them to be or not. you thrash and cry, tears, as promised to some other watcher, dripping down your cheeks.

the last straw however, is your comedown from your high, sobs hiccuping and muscles twitching, eyes half closed and body limp as you mewl out, “hajime, hajime, hajime,” like you’re not even aware you’re doing it. like it’s subconscious.

hajime swears again, a deep, low, “fuck,” and looks down to find a damp spot on his lap. he really came from barely any friction, all because of you. this really is as ridiculous as it gets.

the next time he sees you, there are the faintest of bruises on your neck. it’s not so obvious that just anyone would notice, but ever since becoming hyperaware of everything that is you and everything that you do, it’s hard not to have them be the first thing he sees. to ensure that the atmosphere between the two of you remains easy, he flicks at your neck and tuts with a smirk, asking you jokingly if you were in your hoe phase.

“so vulgar, hajime,” you sarcastically retort, teasing him. “you like calling me mean things?” and he has to avert eye contact because all his walls crumble so quick.

it’s just the two of you tonight, in his apartment, all your other mutual friends having cancelled at one point or another. it’s not an unusual occurrence; more often than not, the two of you are alone. however, it’s been a while since you’d been alone, privately. a while meaning ever since hajime had discovered your side hustle of a sort. he hadn’t been purposely avoiding this— no, maybe he has, but to be fair, he’s still yet to recover from the initial shock.

it also doesn’t help that since today had meant to be a relaxing night in, you’re dressed casual, but in the hottest fucking way possible. he hopes he hadn’t been blushing as hard as he thinks, and feels, he was, when you’d first stepped into his home. on your hips is a short, black skirt, flowing out to your upper thighs, where just above your knees start a pair of dark thigh highs, squeezing at your thighs and accentuating your legs as you strut around his apartment, feet bare of any shoes or slippers. he can’t decide whether it’s cute or just plain hot. somehow, with you, it’s both. your shirt is off the shoulder, a dark, navy blue bardot, and beneath it, peeking out to rest at your collarbones, is a black bralette. he can barely just see the intricate lace designs, but it disappears and dips beneath your shirt before he can see more of it.

you’re spread out on the couch, laying along it on your stomach, a pillow tucked in your arms and beneath your head, your clothed legs bent and swinging up in the air. he sits right by you, thigh right by your head, his body as tense as ever. it’s impossible not to be you, not with you in such close proximity to him when only a few days ago he’d watched you make yourself cum, and had heard you whimper out his name after. who can blame him, really?

with your eyes trained on the screen, he hadn’t been expecting you to speak up.

“iwa, what type of porn do you watch?”

he nearly chokes, eyes widening as he spares you a glance. your legs continue to swing innocently, your eyes unmoving, your voice unwavering. the suddenness of the question certainly threw him off, but it’s your nonchalance that really shocks him. but, considering everything, it really shouldn’t have.

“uh, what?” he offers weakly, wincing slightly at the barely there crack in his voice.

you sigh, shifting to sit up. you plant yourself on your knees, spreading them apart slightly to get comfortable, and shrugging at him. “i’m just curious,” you say. “or,” your eyes squint cautiously, your head cocking to the side slightly, “do you not watch porn?”

challengingly, his arms lift up to cross at his chest, and he doesn’t miss the way your eyes momentarily glance at the way his biceps bulge. it makes his confidence spike slightly, nervousness ebbing away. “what type of porn do you watch?”

you gasp dramatically, joking, “take a girl out to dinner first, my god.” he laughs, relaxing lightly at the banter, before his eyes fall back to you. you inch forward curiously, cautiously, still on your knees. now closer to him, you ask again, “seriously, i’m really curious! confirm my suspicions for me.”

“oh?” he quirks an eyebrow. “so you think you know?”

at this, you offer him a knowing smile, eyes slightly half lidded. you’re somehow even closer now, leaning towards him with your hands resting on the small space between you and him in the couch, helping you in lifting yourself up slightly on your knees as you say in a low voice, “baby, i think everyone knows.”

at the sight of you by his side, he feels himself shiver, and an idea invades his mind before he can even process it. “oh, do you now?” he’s not sure where this boldness is emerging from, especially with how cautious and shameful he’d been and felt for weeks now, but he accepts it either way, because the way you’re staring at him like that, he never wants to let it go. and although he wants to drag out this intense eye contact even longer, in order to do what he wants to do, he has to break it, reaching for his phone instead. unable to contain your curiosity, you peak over, watching with confusion as he types out a link.

the blood drains from your face when you recognize your page on his browser, and he’s logged on— he’s subscribed.

“what type of porn do i like to watch?” he wonders rhetorically. the phone is pushed aside, and he sits up straighter so that even on your knees, he looms over you. his eyes are skimming over you, along your body, up to your neck, to your lips, to your shocked, wide eyes. and just as his hand trails up to your throat, his palm resting at the base and one finger tapping lightly, he says, “the type where my favorite girl cries out my name when she cums for the world to see.”

the hand around your throat—

“you,” you breathe out, and finally, finally, when your brain makes sense of everything, your body relaxes, sags against him, leaning more into him until his hand’s properly wrapped around your throat.

with your mind hazing over, you reach over, and kiss him.

he meets you halfway, as if having expected it, lips pressing harshly against his. his hand tightens as he pulls you closer, lifting you up slightly and bringing you closer to him as his mouth parts, breathing you in, and kissing you deeper, lewder. you shiver and gasp, hands grasping at his wrist and forearm, not to push him away but rather to urge him closer, as you kiss him back just as eagerly. it seems like hours, with his hand around your neck, tight and a daunting reassurance, and your lips wet and hot against his, but eventually, his hand slides down, the other mirroring it, finding their way to your waist, squeezing and bunching at the skirt as he, with complete and utter and shocking ease, lifts you up off the couch.

you gasp as he stands up with you, your legs quickly wrapping around his waist as he pulls you to him. as he blindly walks the two of you to his bedroom, he breathlessly asks in between your kisses, “is this— you sure this is okay?”

with a sharp tug at his hair, you jokingly spit out, “iwa shut up.”

he tosses you onto the bed, allowing you a minute to strip yourself of your shirt while he slips out of his own, before quickly falling above you, caging you in with his arms as he kisses you again. “not iwa,” he quietly asks of you.

for a moment you’re confused, before everything clicks again— your slip ups— and your legs lift up, wrapping around his waist and pulling his hips closer to yours just as you mewl out, “hajime, please.”

god, he is way easier than he thought he was.

his entire body shudders above you, one hand lowering to push at your skirt to grind his hips down against yours until his clothed crotch meets your bare cunt and— holy fuck, holy fuck.

“fuck, you slut.”

you gasp at both his words and the feel of his bulge pressing down against your clit, his lips meeting your neck instead. “you do like calling me mean things,” you say, and he scoffs, his hand traveling upwards to squeeze at your breasts instead.

“you like me calling you mean things,” he notes, and you let out a muffled moan as he pinches at your nipples through the bralette, lips biting and sucking at your neck.

“i do,” you pant, arching up into him. “i do, i do.” his hands are fumbling at your chest, and god, they’re so large, so big and warm and harsh, it’s fogging up your brain.

“yeah, yeah, fucking whore,” he growls, pushing himself slightly on his knees, hands tugging at the bralette. his fingers dip past, gripping the fabric tightly, and as he says, “can’t fucking— take this shit— off,” he tears through it, knuckles whitening as he pulls it away from your body, or what’s left of it. the frills of the ruined bra fall off the edge of his bed, and he watches your wide eyes and gaping mouth follow it, so he grabs at your jaw, twisting your gaze away from it and grunting a low, “shut up.”

you pull away from the kiss, breathing heavily as you say, “that was so fucking hot, hajime,” before kissing him again. he parts his mouth as you lead him to you again, tongue easily meeting yours.

it’s a messy kiss as he slips himself out of his sweatpants, taking his boxers with it and discarding them somewhere in his room. his cock slaps against his stomach, a single string of precum messily staining his tan abs. your eyes are quick to gaze down, lips painted a dazzling grin as his hand finds his cock, squeezing at the head and smearing his precum along.

“knew you were fucking big,” you gasp, eyes trained on him as he strokes himself above you, and he is. he’s so big, thick and heavy, and veiny and your mouth waters at how that’s going to feel when inside of you, stretching you out so good, so much better than any of the toys you had at home. “i thought,” a squeal hiccups out of you as both of his hands grab at your hips from beneath your skirt, one sticky and warmer than the other, “about you all the time.”

your confession draws his attention, and when he’s pulled you close enough, two of his fingers trail to your cunt, quirking an, “oh?” just as he dips his fingers inside. the lack of resistance he’s met with is surprising, and he chokes out, “did you stretch yourself out before coming here? fuck yourself on some fake cock?”

tightlipped, you moan, brows furrowed and back arched into him. god, his fingers were not enough. “yes, yes,” you gasp, head falling back. despite not needing to, he still fingers you, his thick digits fucking into you slowly, driving you insane by the second. “yes, i— pretended t’was you,” you whine loudly. at your words, he curls his fingers inside of you, twisting his wrist and pressing his palm directly on your clit.

“do you always?” he lowly asks, dipping closer to you as he fucks his fingers deeper. his fingers were inside of you, the cunt he’d spent over a month marveling at through a screen, the pretty pussy his dick had drooled over for hours. you’re real, as real as ever beneath him falling apart, making a mess of your black skirt, drenching it with your arousal.

you moan out a hum, nodding dumbly as his fingers vibrate with the intensity of speed inside of you, your toes curling in your thigh highs and face twisting to press into his mattress. “always,” you cry out, like a promise. “always think of you— hajime!”

it’s an unexpected orgasm, hitting you so fast and quick that it’s outright dizzying. it has you lifting your hips up into his fingers and palm, grinding and trembling, your legs falling and spreading open, shaking wildly by your side and above you as he fucks you through the orgasm.

“hajime, hajime, hajime,” you chant, words trailing off into tiny sobs and shuddering breaths as your hips slowly fall back onto the bed, body still trembling with aftershocks.

you’re fucked out beyond words already that you genuinely don’t feel a thing until he’s pressing inside of you, the fat head of his cock stretching you out. he’s really no match for your toys, and if seeing him hadn’t been enough confirmation, the feel of him pressing inside of you definitely is. he doesn’t ease himself in slowly, urgently grabbing the back of your thighs with either hand, keeping your legs spread for him as he bottoms out.

“fuck, fuck, knew you’d feel so good,” he grunts, brows furrowed harshly as he digs his fingers deeper against the flesh of your thighs, forcing your legs closer to your chest, and somehow pushing himself even deeper within you. you whine and mewl, toes curling and uncurling and legs trembling. “knew it the moment i saw your pretty pussy creamin’ around that thick cock.”

at the reminder that he’s watched and witnessed you, multiple times, that he’s subscribed to you willingly and curiously, you clench down around him. you feel him twitch inside of you, groaning loudly as he falls closer to you, your legs falling to his waist.

“you like knowing i was watching you?” he sneers, his hand reaching up and gripping at your face, squishing your cheeks and forcing a pout on your lips. your eyes nearly fucking cross as he rams into you, his fingers digging into your jaw. “you like that i fucked my fist every night to you? to your pretty cunt and your pretty noises and your pretty face— yes, good girl, that one.”

your eyes do cross this time, spurred on by his words, your tongue peaking out through the small gap he allows with how harsh he’s gripping your face. he’s pushing out little mewls and cries from you, but otherwise, you quite honestly feel braindead.

“fuck, you’re a gorgeous little slut,” he gasps. “all mine to fuck and use.”

you’re quick to nod rapidly, whining and moaning for him as you grip at his biceps. you’re choking on your breath as you struggle to keep up with him while he fucks you into the mattress, so fucking hard and rough that you’re sure there’ll be an indentation of you once you leave. you can feel your cunt gushing, and you can hear it too, squelching loudly with every thrust of his hips, every time his cock fucks into you. your skirt feels sticky and gross, and so does the rest of you, but you’ve never, never, felt this euphoric, this blissed out.

your stomach tightens impossibly, the tension gradually increasing as your walls tightly squeeze and clench at his cock. slowly and surely, the pressure within you increases, your hands flying to hajime’s arm, the arm whose hand grips your face, which quickly moves to your throat at your simple gasping warning that you were close.

“gonna cum, gonna cum, hajime, fuck!”

he tightens his grip, pressing harsher on the sides of your neck as your eyes shut tightly, your head falling back once more.

“yeah, come on, show me how pretty you look cumming on a real cock,” he whispers by your ear, using the hand that’s around your throat to lift up your head, before roughly pushing it back down, squeezing tighter. “you like it this rough?— shit, shit, you’re tightening.”

you scream, voice cracking and broken as he slams into you again, his hips grinding against yours momentarily, pelvis hitting your clit— and you’re gone, thrashing in his hold, fat tears streaming down your cheeks as you sob and heave, your body shaking uncontrollably beneath him, hips shaking as your orgasm rocks through you. it’s not a few seconds later that he’s spilling inside of you, accidentally pressing his palm down against your throat as he cums, blocking your airway momentarily.

“hngh,” he gasps deeply, cock twitching inside of you as he cums, hips barely grinding. you’re gasping, a little painfully, struggling to take in any air as he blinks dazedly, before he finally takes notice. “shit, shit, i’m sorry.”

his hand flies away from your throat, and you inhale sharply, coughing lightly as air fills your lungs all too suddenly. the strength of this man, holy fuck.

“i’m so sorry; are you okay?”

chest still heaving, you fall onto the bed, body relaxing as you try and regulate your breathing. “s’okay, i’m okay,” you reassure him, hands reaching up to pat at his cheeks and comb through his messy, sweaty hair.

he leans forward, pressing a kiss to your forehead, and it’s so endearing that you nearly forget he’s still inside of you. but you feel the shift of his cock, feel his cum slowly start to ooze out of your cunt, and he winces from the oversensitivity, shifting away to instead pull out of you. his soft cock falls from your cunt, a steady flow of his cum following. hajime has to physically resist from reaching out to fuck it back into you.

“i’m sorry i wasn’t careful ‘nough with the—“ he makes a gesture with his hands around his neck, “—the choking.”

you laugh lightly, tiredly, hands slowly caressing at his sweaty biceps. “stop apologizing,” you reassure him again, shrugging with a small smile as you add, “just be more careful next time.”

his breath gets caught in his chest, and he only softly exhales when he falls on the bed, to your side, carefully repeating, “next time.”

from beside him, you lift yourself up on your side on your elbow, palm cradling your head, trying your best not to wince in pain. “hajime?”

he spares you a glance as he mumbles, “hm?” opting to stare at the ceiling and contemplate whether what had just happened was real life or not.

“do you wanna do a video with me?”

he all but chokes.

end note; please this took me like 4+ hours. please please please don’t flop, and more importantly, i really hope i don’t disappoint. i know this has been a long awaited piece, so i’m praying and hoping you guys love it.

love you all, mwah <3

#haikyuu smut #iwaizumi smut #iwaizumi x reader #haikyuu x reader #iwaizumi hajime x reader #iwaizumi hajime smut

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idealuk · 2 years

Text

My stream of consciousness after the events of today:

(Preface: I’m purposefully being pessimistic as to not get my hopes up too high. Do not allow this to deter you from your own excitement.)

The seeds could have been planted for that “crop” a while ago.🙄

Eddie and Christopher are Buck’s “people,” Oliver, hmm? I think that the word that you’re looking for is “family” that Kristen’s been too afraid to let Buck claim as his. I’ve been so ready for sassy pre-teen Christopher! I’m so happy that he’s coming to us in just a few days.

Confirmation that Buck also gets closer to Hen? Stop trying to give me hope!

I truly doubt that Oli knows how pretty he is at any given moment.

I can’t with “Season Sex”. I just can’t. At first, I thought that he said “Now, unfortunately, we have to do some more naughty--” while looking at Ryan off-camera before cutting himself off, realizing that he was saying too much, and I was about to cuss him out for trying to give me hope, but, after re-watching, it sounds more like “nodding,” and I’m genuinely curious as to what he could be referencing.🤷🏻 ... This would be a good time to flip my script and remind people that networks have approval of what parts of interviews make it to air.

I’d read more in to the bicep grab if it were longer, and how are you not more aware by this point, Oliver? Of course you both did that. You’re dorks! ... Ryan needs to understand that it isn’t normal to always look at one’s costar like they want to fuck them. Yes, I know that I just said that he’s always pretty, but damn! See my previous script flippage.

Angela keeping Courtney on his toes through a screen?😘👌🏻

Ryan’s shading Oli by saying Aisha is also 😘👌🏻.

I see you, Peter, going straight to Graham, the queer host from the UK, only to then exhibit that you can name a straight host from the UK who’s been stateside for juxtaposition to Oliver. Stop it with that #BobbyKnows shit! On the show is one thing. It is wholly unnecessary in interviews. (I’m running on lack of sleep. Ignore this unhinged part of my rant.)

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strawberrymilkgeorge · 4 years

Text

Part Four. "You hosted me?? In MINECRAFT??"

warnings: swearing but that’s it (i think)! just karl being a goof and dream being a little shit but whats new word count: 3k (not ncluding pictures)

behind the screen (irl dream x reader) series masterlist ultimate masterlist

**********

Y/n sat to Karl's left, out of the camera's view as he scrolled through Twitter on his PC.

"Um... oh, how did you guys meet?" Karl read before looking offscreen at Y/n. "Uh... school?"

"What? I was going to make up a funny story but I'm appalled by the seriousness in your voice! Is that really how you think we met?"

The embarrassment on his face answered her question. "Karl! I'm two years younger than you, how would we meet have met at school?"

"I don't know!" he said back defensively, raising his shoulders. "Clubs?"

"Like I was in any of the nerd clubs you were in."

"Well, then, how did we meet?"

Y/n sighed with a laugh. "Our moms–"

"Oh, wait wait, I remember!" he cut her off, excitedly looking towards Y/n. "Our moms are friends and they forced us to hang out." He smiled proudly and looked back to his screen as he continued scrolling for good questions. "If I'm honest, I only still hang out with you because my mom makes me."

Y/n smacked Karl's arm and he laughed but pretended to be hurt. "WHAT THE HONK, BUGSY?!"

"I can't stand you. I barely hit you, nimrod."

Karl giggled and read another one. "How tall is Bugsy? Two feet, four inches."

"No, I'm 7'6," Y/n lied easily and Karl laughed.

"How tall are you actually?"

'I think 5'10 or something? Maybe 5'11. I'm not 6' but I'm taller than you for sure, I know that much–"

"Okay, you are not taller than me. Just to be clear. Chat, Bugsy is not taller than me."

"Yes, I am. Wanna test it?"

"No," he replied quietly in defeat.

"Because you know I'm right," Y/n laughed as her eyes flicked over to read chat. They were spamming their surprise, expecting her to be short. "Yeah, no, chat, I'm tall. I'm taller than Karl."

"Only because your shoes make you tall! Doc Martens are tall and that's pretty much all you wear!"

"You're shorter than me when I'm barefoot!"

"That's literally false. Like completely."

"Just accept it, shorty."

"I'll accept that you're taller than George and Sapnap, but not me. I'm barely taller than you but I'm still taller."

"Whateverrrr. I'll move on to protect your dignity."

Karl ignored her and laughed, pointing to a message from Dream in Karl's chat.

"Dream said I have short girl energy," Y/n read.

"You kinda do."

"What does that even mean?"

"You're shy around new people and you act all sweet."

"So tall girls can't be shy and sweet? Or shy and sweet girls can't be tall?"

"Stop twisting my words," Karl groaned.

"Also, wait, what do you mean I act sweet? Am I not?"

"No, you are. But I mean you also aren't when you don't want to be. Upset Bugsy is scary Bugsy."

Y/n frowned, not recalling a time she's ever been angry or upset at Karl but she let him move on. He pointed to another tweet as he looked at Y/n, giving her an 'I told you so' look. She read it before shaking her head at him.

"Don't read that one."

"Pleeease, can I answer?"

"No!" she whisper-shouted. I don't want to be shipped with him for asking or you for answering, she mouthed so Karl's chat couldn't put together clues.

"Are you assuming I'll answer positively?" he teased, earning him a hard smack on the arm.

Y/n couldn't help but notice every time she put her hands in the frame, which was usually to hit Karl, half of the chat turned into simps requesting a hand pic because they could see her bracelets and nail polish and now that they knew she was tall they wanted to see how big her hands were. They really wanted every crumb of content they could have regarding her looks. She caught one that said something pretty kinky about her hands which she tried to scrub from her mind immediately.

"Fine," Karl sighed at her request to not read Dream's tweet out loud, instead reading another. "Bestie sleepover? Yes! Bestie sleepover! Bugsy and I are gonna cuddle all night--"

"No, we aren't. I'm sleeping on a completely different bed. Or couch. Nowhere near you."

"WHY DO YOU HATE ME?"

"Karl! Stop trying to get me to cuddle with you!" Y/n laughed as she pushed away his arms, which were trying to give her a hug. "You're a freaking heater and I don't like touching people!"

"That's my worst nightmare in a friend, how did I end up with you?"

"No idea. Deal with it. It's still a bestie sleepover even if we don't cuddle."

Karl giggled and looked back at his stream. "Oh, by the way, in case anyone ever wanted to know or was Dreaming about it, Bugsy is very cute. Just thought I'd mention it in case anyone was wondering or if anyone tweeted specifically asking..."

Y/n smacked his arm again as she yelled, "Karl!"

He grabbed his arm in dramatic pain as if it had been cut off. "Ow! Ow! Bugsy hit me!" he cried as he fell to the floor. "Oh my gosh. Someone call a doctor!"

"I cannot stand you," Y/n informed as she stared down at him. She glanced at chat, who were all joking about how bad his condition was, saying things like they might have to amputate his arm. "Chat, don't encourage him. Oh, Karl I know what we can do!"

"As long as I don't need two arms for it..." his voice still laced with fake pain.

"Karl Jacobs."

"What is it?"

"Give me a tour of Dream's SMP. Dream whitelisted me yesterday."

"Oh, yeah! What could have possibly made you think of him?" he teased as he got back in his chair.

Y/n glared at him and he cowered slightly.

"Minecraft, yes. There's a PC in the other room you can play on. Do you need help setting it up?"

"No, I've streamed once or twice," Y/n teased as she stood up.

"I'm just trying to be a good host! Gosh!"

"Wait, I have to cross over to leave the room."

"Just do it? What's the issue? Literally no problem, just walk?" he joked before zooming in his camera on his face so it took up the whole screen. Y/n laughed as she went across the room, chat now forced to look at disturbingly close footage of Karl staring directly into the camera with his eyes crossed.

Y/n called Karl on Discord after logging in. "Hi, Karl and Karl's stream."

"Are you on yet?"

"I'm logging in to my Minecraft account right now."

"Okay, join a vc on the smp discord so others can talk to us if we run into anyone. I'll be over in a minute, just give me a bit to read some donations." They both muted, leaving Y/n to herself.

She typed in the IP address to the server and joined a random voice channel that no one was in. She spawned and looked around, confused by the cobblestone wall around her. Her phone lit up so she occupied herself with the texts from Naomi.

A green figure caught her eye on the screen and she looked up. In the distance was Dream's infamous green Minecraft skin punching the air as he faced her. He ran towards her and stopped in front of her. She set her phone down and slid it away, crouching as his character did the same.

Dream whispers to you: are you streaming you whisper to Dream: no but Karl is and he's about to get on to tour me Dream whispers to you: hmmm okay here

He uncrouched and dropped a few diamond blocks before punching the air again and running away.

Dream whispers to you: shh don’t tell anyone you whisper to Dream: omg :D ty <3 you whisper to Dream: first twitch donos now mc donos you whisper to Dream: rich man over here giving out money and diamonds to everyone like it's candy Dream whispers to you: no, only to you Dream whispers to you: a little gift before our date ;) Dream whispers to you: oh and this

He came back and paused in front of Y/n before dropping a red poppy and sprinting away again. She acted cool despite the huge smile on her face.

you whisper to Dream: charming you whisper to Dream: you give me a flower and dart away before I can properly thank you Dream whispers to you: oh yeah? how would you have thanked me?

Y/n smiled, her cheeks flaming up as a dirty thought entered her mind. Stop, he's not flirting, she told herself. It’s literally a block game and he’s not flirting.

you whisper to Dream: guess we'll never know ;) KarlJacobs joined the game

"I'm back," Karl's voice filled her headset as he joined her voice channel, snapping her out of her thoughts. "Where are you?"

Y/n looked away from the chat in Minecraft and turned around in the game. "Still at spawn. Some forest and cobblestone walls."

"Go left and I'll meet you halfway."

As she ran, the Minecraft chat reappeared with new messages for everyone to see.

<Dream> hey Karl <KarlJacobs> hello Dream <Dream> thanks for answering my question on your stream <KarlJacobs> just doing my civil duty as a bugsy dream shipper <KarlJacobs> official petition for the name to be dreamsy <Dream> signed

"Oh my gosh," Y/n muttered, making Karl laugh.

"What?" Karl asked innocently, but his laugh was maniacal. "Oh, I found you. This way! I built everything on the server, by the way. So if anything is impressive, just remember that I did it."

"Karl, that's the biggest lie you've ever told me. I watch the lore videos."

"Well, I did build it all so I don't know what to tell you. Let's go this way first."

Y/n followed as he showed her stuff, including background and unknown facts about things that have happened off stream. After the tour, they messed around the chessboard. At some point, she found a blue cornflower and turned to Karl.

"Do you have an anvil?"

"I don't exactly have one on me at the moment but I think there's one over here. What for?"

She killed some chickens with her fist to gain XP so she could carry out the task in mind. "I need to name this flower I found." She followed him a few blocks away and clicked the anvil and named the flower 'love, bug'. "Okay, thanks."

"Why did you name it?"

"It's a gift for someone."

"Me?" he asked as his character jumped up and down.

"No. My presence is your gift."

"Ouch. You know, honestly, I'm really hurt by that. Like, why would you say that to me? It's just sorta rude."

"Fine, I'll go get you a flower."

"Well, I don't want it if it isn't sincere. Who's that one for?"

"...no one."

"Tell me or I'll keep complaining about not getting a gift."

"I can deal with that."

"Okay, then tell me or I'll make you sleep in my bed and I'll smother you to death with my affection."

"Ah, okay, fine. It's for Dream."

"Wow you really hate me that much!" Karl laughed.

"No, I'm just not touchy like you!" she defended. She always worried she offended Karl since he was so physically affectionate towards his friends but she just wasn't a physical person.

"Oh, speaking of Dream..." he turned and Y/n followed his characters line of sight, having to zoom in to see the green figure perched at the top of a tree.

"He's very menacing."

"He does that."

<Bugsy> come here pls dream <Bugsy> i have a gift :]

Dream ran towards Y/n and stopped in front of her expectedly. She looked at Karl then back at Dream and dropped the gift, backing up after and crouching.

His character picked it up and held it, pausing to read the name. After a moment, he slowly looked up at Y/n's character before jumping and spinning in circles. Y/n hid her smile in her sleeve even though no one could see her.

<Dream> wait lemme see the one I gave you <Bugsy> what D: <Dream> I wanna name it

"What is going on?" Karl giggled.

"Gift exchange. Mind your own business."

"Woah!" Karl gasped dramatically. "Uncalled for."

Dream came back and dropped the renamed flower for her. Y/n picked it up and hovered over it to read the name.

'host, dream'

She gasped and started punching his character. He backed up and ran away but joined the call seconds later.

"Wait! Stop hitting me!" Dream yelled into her headset.

Y/n laughed, trying to contain her smile as she continued to hit the green character. "Dream! Are you kidding? I tried being all cute and you hosted me?? In MINECRAFT??"

"It was a joke! You said something like that to Wilbur on Twitter a while ago, I was just using your humor!" Dream's giggles filled Y/n's headphones and she smiled but quickly dropped it so her voice could sound serious.

"Give it back."

Dream looked at her before letting out a small, "What?"

"Give me back the flower so I can go burn it with the other one."

"Bugsy!"

"What is going on?" Karl asked through a cackle. "Dream, did you hurt Bugsy??"

"Yes, Karl! He hurt my feelings! He gave me a flower and gave it back to name it something mean!"

Dream just laughed so Y/n punched him again.

"Dream! You can't hurt Bugsy!" Karl defended, also punching Dream.

All Y/n could hear was the sound of Dream wheezing, his character running as the two chased him. "Stop! You guys are so– STOP HITTING ME!"

"Fine," Y/n finally said, crouching and facing the ground as she walked into a corner to look like she was pouting. "I'm just not going to go on any Minecraft dates anymore."

"Wait, no," Dream protested in a soft voice, his character stopping to look at her's. "Take that back."

"Heart been broke so many times..."

"You're so stupid."

Karl gasped happily. "You guys have a Minecraft date? Can I help plan it?!"

"We did. In exchange for letting you give me the tour. But I've changed my mind since I've been so betrayed."

"Oh my gosh, you're so..." Dream trailed off but his wide smile could be heard through his voice.

"So what? Finish that sentence, Dream," Y/n dared teasingly.

"So... ANNOYING!"

"DREAM! SAY YOU'RE SORRY!" Karl yelled.

"Okay! I'm sorry! Bug, I'm so sorry. Really. Please let me... let me rename your flower something cute. It'll make you so happy that you'll fall in love with me all over again and–and we can go on our date. Please don't burn our flowers."

"And what if I don't give them to you?"

"I'll just kill you and pick them off your corpse."

"Woooooowwww. Okay, it's like that?"

"Yes, it is like that," he said through a smile. It was so apparent in his voice that he was grinning like a kid on Christmas morning.

<Ranboo> how is the tour going Bugsy was shot by Dream using DEFINITELY NOT PENIS <Ranboo> ah going well I see

Bugsy screamed in her mic as the death screen appeared. "DREAM!"

"You took too long!" He wheezed as Bugsy respawned.

"I don't know where I am!"

"Hold on, I'll avenge you!" Karl declared before he died too.

"You thought you could kill me with your fists? Karl, you're naked and I'm wearing full Netherite."

"You weren't when I started punching you! You pulled that out of thin air!"

<Ranboo> canon

Y/n smiled at Ranboo's comment. She had never talked to him but she knew he and Tubbo were close friends and he seemed really funny. He had already proved he had a dry sense of humor in the 30 minutes she was on the SMP and she loved that. Y/n made a mental note to befriend him before returning to being drama queen to Dream.

"So, Dream, now that you've made me an enemy–"

"WhAT? We are not enemies, Bug. I'm actually naming a flower something really cute as we speak. Enemies don't do that."

"Maybe I'm not your enemy but you sure are mine."

"Oh come on now," he mumbled lowly, running chills down her spine. What the hell was that?? "What do I have to do to make it up to you?"

"You-you murdered me in cold blood. Nothing will make it up."

"So I could get the flower! It was out of love! So I could give you a better present! Does that count for nothing?"

"Hm," she hummed. "We'll see what new name you come up with and then I'll decide."

Karl and Y/n got back to the chessboard and waited for Dream to return with his new flower.

Breaking character and turning towards her best friend, Y/n laughed at Karl. "Sorry for distracting from our BFF shenanigans time."

"This is way more entertaining," Karl assured. "Me and my chat got front row seats to the Dreamsy love saga."

"Shut up," she mumbled as she punched him in-game.

"OW! STOP PUNCHING ME SO MUCH!"

"Okay, okay, I'm back!!" Dream announced and they saw his figure sprinting and jumping towards them. He dropped the flower for Y/n and stepped back, crouching and standing repeatedly.

Y/n picked up the flower and hovered over it to read the name.

"Is it worthy of your forgiveness, Bugsy? Does it pass the vibe check?" Karl asked with a giggle.

Y/n bit her lip as she smiled at her screen.

to the prettiest girl in the world. love, dream <3

It was a joke, obviously. He was just continuing the joke of flirting with her like he does on Twitter just like Sapnap and Karl and George and Quackity do. They all joke about flirting with her and this was another joke.

But it still gave her tummy butterflies.

"Bug?" Dream called softly.

But why would he joke like that when neither of them were streaming? Karl's chat wouldn't see it so there was no one to point in feeding into the joke, unless he meant for Y/n to show Karl? She was overthinking. She needed to play it cool.

She also needed an enderchest so no one could find it and no one could take it away from her and destroy it but they didn’t need to know she liked it that much.

"Mmm.... it'll do."

**********

PREVIOUS | NEXT

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A/N: yeeee hope you guys liked this one! i think this is my favorite so far i just think dream was being too cute and i wanna be best friends with karl so much it hurts. we’re gonna get deeper into the dream relationship soon!! i just needed to indugle in bff karl content real quick!!!

taglist: open (at the time) @hydrate-tion @loraleiix @tinaswagbd @charsdummb @smileyyuta @1ghoste1 @cerberus-hellhound @gaysludge @queestionmark @carnations-red @letsloveimagines @the-fictionwriters-hairdo @boiled-onionrings @a-cryptic @fee-btheweeb @letsloveimagines @erwinss @just-a-stan @axths @kayleigh2703 @furiouspockettoad @sometimeseverythingsucks @powerpuffyn @itshaileyn @millavalntyne @automaticcomputerpaper @nikkineeky @fivedicksinatrenchcoat @sprucekot @bellomi-clarke @possiblyanxioushuman

#rpf #real person fiction #dream x reader #dream x y/n #dreamwastaken x reader #dreamwastaken x y/n #social media fic #dream smau #dreamwastaken smau #smau #mcty x reader #mcyt x y/n #mcyt fanfiction #dream fanfiction #dreamwastaken fanfiction

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janamelie · 3 years

Text

Dimension Jump XXI Report

I suppose I’m a DJ veteran now as this was my fifth consecutive one and the fourth at the Nottingham Crowne Plaza which is an expensive four-star hotel. Sharing with a friend helps keep the cost reasonable and honestly, it’s worth it for the sheer convenience of being right there in the hotel and being able to nip back to your room as required. (To be clear, you don’t have to stay in the hotel to attend the con. There are plenty of other hotels nearby.)

Plus there is always the chance that you’ll see a guest at breakfast as I did Danny once. He picked out a few pieces of fruit and nibbled at them before wandering over late to his photoshoot. What else would you expect from a cat though?

Friday

Myself and @downonthepharm-red-dwarf (Amy) had arrived the previous day so had plenty of time to be near the front of the queue for registration. Which meant we saw Hattie Hayridge arrive in a stunning designer coat and with smart luggage. She really brought her outfit A-game and looked great the whole weekend.

Once we’d presented our respective proofs of full Covid vaccination or a recent negative test, we were given our DJ passes and booklets. The latter has spaces for signatures from guests, an Order Of Events and various handy tips for the weekend.

The con kicks off at 5pm with an hour of gradual build-up in the Main Hall - they show videos from previous events, specially made titbits with various guests past and present such as Mark Dexter doing a mock guide to DJ and Rebecca Blackstone voicing Pree. It all helps with the atmosphere, as do the numerous RD posters dotted around the hotel.

Then it was time for the Opening Ceremony featuring various Fan Club team members and an overcrowded stage full of cardboard boxes - the joke was that they’d had too much time on their hands during lockdowns and bought loads of stuff online. It was obviously also a nod to Lister’s hoarding in “The Promised Land”.

The sketch featured a specially made shot of the AA adverts’ Starbug model landing outside the Crowne Plaza and an 80s computerised version of the lovely convention logo. You could tell a lot of loving effort had gone into the whole thing.

Once the guest line-up had been announced (I’ll get to that not-really-a-surprise-guest shortly), we went straight into the RD Pub Quiz, hosted by Hattie. DOTP and I had been joined at our table by Lapsang and Barbs from our Discord (No Kind Of Atmosphere) plus various other attendees we’d befriended.

Someone in the crowd yelled “I love you, Hattie!” to which she quipped “I’ve pulled already!” Another bloke shouted “Fuck off, she’s mine!” which led to a few shouts of “Fight!” When neither seemed keen to do so, Hattie joked: “Only two? That’s a bit pathetic!” and then we got started.

The quiz is hard, by design, but I’m good at quizzes and my team - No Kind Of Atmosphere after our Discord - came joint third which was gratifying. (I was on the winning team a few DJs ago, to blow my own trumpet for a moment. This is my report, after all.)

And then it was time for the first guest Q&A with - surprise, surprise - Johnny Vegas aka the Crit Cop in “Timewave”. Not a great episode but he more than made up for that with an appearance I can only describe as chaotic. Warning - DO NOT attempt to heckle him unless you want to be singled out and humiliated in front of the entire audience in a “Can’t look away” fashion which was nonetheless entertaining. The man in question tweeted about it afterwards and seems to have taken it in good spirit.

Once we’d moved on from encouraging people to leave unpleasant things in room 429, it turned out Johnny’s a big fan of the show and owned it on VHS (so did I). He thinks of the main characters, Holly would win at “Taskmaster” and had good reasons for that conclusion.

He was dubious about the pink costume he wore in “Timewave” as he thought it might take away from the character but said he eventually decided he needed to get over what he was wearing and just go for it. He also said one of his worst working moments was on “Benidorm” when he had to hold his breath underwater in a freezing swimming pool and his co-star kept forgetting her two lines so they had over 30 takes. Ouch.

Johnny left commenting that he got less love at his 50th birthday party. But we hadn’t seen the last of him by any means as people kept buying him drinks during the Auction, leading to him successfully bidding for one of the items on offer.

And then he was back for the Karaoke. Now if you - as he informed us - had to undergo emergency dental surgery in the morning and had practically lost your voice, would you sing karaoke? And not only that, would you sing a version of “Love On The Rocks” which lasted 11 minutes according to someone on Twitter (I wasn’t timing it, but I can believe it), followed by the full-length version of “American Pie”?

If you answered no, you’re clearly not Johnny Vegas. He went to bed so late that the unfortunate Fan Club team member assigned to look after him got a grand total of 90 minutes’ sleep.

Saturday

DOTP and I had paid for the Photoshoot with Mr Vegas, Danny John-Jules and Ray Fearon. We got in the queue at 9am which was when it was supposed to start. An hour later we were still waiting. Yep, Danny was late.

Once he made it to the hotel, I got my photo in front of a Science Room backdrop. You might think Mr Vegas would be hungover and rushing through it, but on the contrary, he was still enjoying the hell out of proceedings which was refreshing to see. Since he’d been added to the line-up too late to be in the souvenir booklet, he signed extra inserts for the Fan Club which they handed out to everyone at the later Autograph sessions so attendees got his autograph after all even though he’d finally left. That’s what I call throwing yourself into an event.

Next up was a combined Q&A with Danny and Ray (originally separate but Danny’s lateness meant they were teamed up). This wasn’t a problem at all though - on the contrary, it worked really well as the chumminess between them added to the vibe. Also it was Ray’s first convention so he probably preferred to have Danny backing him up, especially since the poor man tripped on his way to the stage and almost fell. I don’t think he was hurt but I cringed with secondhand embarrassment and empathy. He wasn’t the only one to fall foul of the edge of the stage that weekend; I think it was the slightly raised dancefloor in front of it.

As is usual for Danny, we were treated to over half an hour of what you can only really describe as a stream of consciousness as he pontificated about various things. He and Ray did also talk about working together on “Death In Paradise” and Ray described his worst working experience there - he had to play a scene in a club in 45 degree heat with a live snake wrapped around his neck!

Ray is attractive in a “Hollywood hunk” way and Danny was clearly conscious of this, joking that he’d “brought his own security with him” and muttering “I’m better-looking anyway!” But all in a jokey way as they’re clearly friends.

Danny had come from filming and dropped a heavy hint that he’s appearing in a Dickens adaptation which I imagine will be shown at Christmas as they generally are. He also complained that Craig Charles never answers his phone: “You send him a message and he answers it on Twitter a month later!” (Interestingly, Chris Barrie later mentioned a recent phone conversation with Craig so make of that what you will.)

Ray was quieter but happy to talk about the vagaries of showbiz and typecasting - he said that due to his Shakespearean background he gets a lot of serious roles so people were genuinely surprised that he could also do comedy but “I was always funny!” He also gently teased Danny about the age of some of his references before admitting he still finds Tommy Cooper funny.

Danny usually performs “Tongue-tied” with a good grace when inevitably asked to by an audience member but perhaps it’s finally starting to pall as this time he did it in the style of Oliver Reed’s Bill Sykes and included a lot of X-rated references to cunnilingus etc. It was entertaining though.

Next up was a live Q&A (over Zoom) with Chris Barrie. Danny decided to stick around as he wanted to show Chris something he’d ordered online. It took a while to get the cameras in the right position for Chris to be able to see it and Danny needed a knife to open the parcel, leading Chris to quip “Is this a good time for me to step out for some lunch?”

However, it turned out to be worth it as it was a custom-made Ace Rimmer doll which impressed Chris with its quality and he complimented the maker.

Danny and Ray then departed for their lunch and to take part in the Coffee Lounge which this year had reduced its numbers for Covid-related reasons and held a ballot for entry in the interests of fairness. Amy and I didn’t get in but happily stayed for the rest of Chris’s Q&A.

In the “working from home” spirit, Chris was in a hoodie in his living room as opposed to his more usual smart suit. He was suitably relaxed and revealed he got through lockdown by concentrating on the things which make him happy, such as his hobbies, his garden and his family. His favourite episodes are “Marooned”, “Dimension Jump” and - less predictably - “Twentica”. He also referred to a recent “mannerly, as he would call it” phone conversation with Craig. No details but it had clearly been a positive experience.

Amy decided to liven up the ending of his Q&A by asking a vitally important, “TPL”-related question. Whom would Rimmer find more attractive, a female version of Lister or a female version of Cat?

Once the laughter had died down and Chris had bought some time by pointing out that “neither of them are women”, he gave the question appropriate consideration. He pondered whether Rimmer would be more taken by the “simple charms” of Lister or the “feline grace” of Cat. This next bit is courtesy of Amy as my memory isn’t infallible: He said it’d be a choice between a feline form or a rounder, a bit more slovenly woman - he wouldn’t want the perfectly feline woman because she might not like his imperfections, but he also wouldn’t want someone who ate curry three times a day. “Basically, a balance would be ideal.”

That was the last question but Chris provided a little more entertainment as he had a “How do you turn this off then?” moment a la Gordon the computer in “Better Than Life” and made amusing faces as he figured it out. If it was anyone but Chris I’d think it was a deliberate reference to that but I think he was genuinely befuddled.

We then broke for lunch, followed by Autographs with Hattie, Danny, Ray and Norman Lovett. I got the latter three to sign the “TPL” poster I’d brought with me but gave Hattie the booklet instead as it seemed more tactful. She complimented the dress I was wearing and I returned the compliment, telling her how much the fans appreciate the effort she makes with her DJ outfits.

Norman commented how there’s a version of the “TPL” poster he isn’t on, bemusedly. Fortunately mine was the version including him.

I spent the rest of the afternoon chilling in the bar with Amy, Lapsang and Barbs, chatting to other attendees. Graphic Designer Matthew Clark was now in the Merchandise Room with various props from Series XII and “TPL” including the Starbug manual used onscreen. I got his autograph on my poster but it’s an incomprehensible squiggle. Oh well. He was very friendly and easy to talk to.

After a break for dinner, the Main Hall reopened for the Costume Competition. This seems to get better every DJ, with an amazing “Greyscale Rimmer” who was discomfiting to be around due to the corpse-like makeup, a Natalina Pushkin, a Nirvanah Crane who could almost have been Jane Horrocks herself and a Diving Suit Cat from “BTE”. Other entries included Rimmer’s Mum, “Giraffes who were armed and dangerous” and a Confidence And Paranoia who were later pictured at the bar chatting to Paranoia himself, Lee Cornes.

We then had a special video message from Doug Naylor which I won’t go into as I’m sure everyone’s already heard the details. Suffice to say, his tone was positive.

The second Auction was hosted by Ian Boldsworth who made it more entertaining by adding his own commentary to each item. This was followed by a stand-up set from Norman. It was amusing but he misjudged the mood a bit, I feel. When you’re waiting for a disco to start and it’s already hours late due to Danny’s tardiness, you don’t particularly want to contemplate your own mortality. We were here to get away from all that, as much as possible.

Anyway, the Disco was a lot of fun even if Dave Benson Phillips’ presence as host was sorely missed. Hattie danced for the best part of an hour alongside everyone else. The stand-in DJs did their job and I stayed until the end. The final two songs were “Bohemian Rhapsody” and … “Tongue-tied”.

Sunday

Not being in the Sunday Photoshoot, Amy and I had a nice leisurely breakfast and got over last night’s festivities before the first Q&A, live over Zoom with Robert Llewellyn.

This was hosted by Ian Boldsworth who in his capacity as Dave era audience warm-up knows Robert well. Clearly well enough to get away with teasing him relentlessly about not being at the con in person until poor Robert was a mess of Krytenesque guilt.

His protestations that he’d been scheduled to be in Munich this weekend but no longer was (he was at home) only made things worse. Ian: “Oh, so that’s two sets of people you’ve disappointed now! Stop saying yes to things!” It was hilarious and Robert took it in its intended spirit. Also Ian was getting a measure of revenge for Robert - in character as Kryten - dry humping him at recordings. One attendee asked “With the groinal attachment?!”

Robert admitted that he finds Kryten’s various groinal attachments hilarious and if he was writing the show they’d be in every episode. He praised Doug’s restraint.

He also admitted that in “TPL” he had an earpiece to have his lines fed to him. Since it’s controlled by an iPad, certain unscrupulous cast members took great delight in feeding him rude ones.

He still intends to update “The Man In The Rubber Mask” but atm “Fully Charged” is consuming a lot of his time as it’s become much more successful than he anticipated and he’s in charge of several people.

Surprisingly, he would hate appearing in RD without the Kryten makeup, both because it’s become much quicker to apply and because it provides him with a shield and he becomes Kryten and forgets stagefright. He still can’t watch “DNA” for that reason.

Lapsang, who played Kryten in “Into The Gloop”, asked Robert if he’d seen it. He hadn’t but said he was now very curious and would find a way to.

Next up was Lee Cornes aka Paranoia who said he originally auditioned for the lead roles and like the other unsuccessful actors got the consolation prize of a guest appearance. Upon being asked if he’d gone out for a drink with Craig Ferguson’s Confidence, he said no because at the time they had a frosty relationship due to rumours that Craig was plagiarising other comics’ jokes. Lee said it was all very silly and he’s since apologised.

Interestingly, Lee is a qualified science teacher and carried on with that career alongside his media one, leading to surreal situations where his pupils would ask: “Sir? Were you on the telly last night?” “Yes.” “Are we on the telly now, sir?”

Someone asked a good question - what would Lister’s Paranoia be like now 33 years later? Lee would be willing to reprise the role but isn’t sure it would work as the original had a childish quality whereas he feels now the character would be a lot darker and less funny. Lee was both thoughtful and entertaining in his responses.

He was followed onstage by Hattie and Norman, who resolutely refused to rise to the bait of an audience member attempting to stir up a rivalry between them. That only works when one isn’t the nicest person you could meet.

A tactless audience member asked both if they’d watched “TPL” instead of directing the question at Norman. Luckily Hattie had seen it and particularly enjoyed the cat flap joke although she felt there was a little too much focus on the guest cast.

Norman didn’t really watch RD after he left but Hattie has seen Norman’s early episodes as he lent them to her back when she was originally cast as Hilly for research purposes. Bear in mind this was 1988 when they weren’t even available on VHS so presumably he recorded them off the TV.

Hattie confirmed with a sigh that she’s simply never been asked to return in any capacity: “That’s the short answer.” What the hell, I’ll say it one more time - Bring Back Hattie! One episode, that’s all I ask. As it stands, it’s starting to look like a pointed and deliberate snub which mystifies me.

We then broke for lunch, followed by Rob Grant and Paul Jackson. For obvious reasons they didn’t go into the current legal mess, opting instead to entertain the fans with the story of how they met and their early pre-RD work (Rob and Doug as freelance writers for Paul’s producer).

We saw some clips from their early shows including “Three Of A Kind” with Lenny Henry, Tracy Ullman and … later magician David Copperfield; apparently they all had the same agent and Paul took on David as a favour. For a 40 year old show it held up pretty well and was in much better sound and picture quality than older shows often are. “Carrott’s Lib” was just as funny.

It’s a bit hard to summarise but this session was entertaining and gripping. Rob still wants to write another RD novel and I believe there’s nothing actually stopping him as both he and Doug had an option to write a second solo novel. So we’ll see.

The final Q&A was Matthew Clark who was very informative and interesting, showing us numerous production stills from Series XII and “TPL” and talking us through them. There was a groan when time was called before he was finished.

By now time was running short and Amy and I went back to the room to pack and leave our luggage with reception before watching the start of “Dibbley Family Fortunes”. Since I knew I wouldn’t have time to watch it all, I instead nipped upstairs to Autographs with Lee and Ian, timing it perfectly as the queue had almost vanished.

Ian was still performing, drawing scornful attention to the fact that Lee had a longer queue: “Can you imagine all these people queueing to see Lee Cornes?!” It sounds rude out of context but he was clearly joking.

I decided to ask Lee what flavour the yogurt Paranoia eats was. He said it didn’t really taste of anything as it was the cheapest, nastiest canteen yogurt available and was also starting to curdle under the studio lights so eating it can’t have been much fun.

Since I now had about 15 minutes before I had to go, I caught a bit of Dibbley Family Fortunes, said goodbye to Amy, Lapsang and Barbs and then dashed off to catch the tram to the train station. Another great DJ.

#red dwarf

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morkleemelon · 4 years

Text

off the ice || chapter 4: don’t look back

previous || m.list || playlist || next

pairing: college hockey player! mark x fem. college figure skater! reader

genre: fluff, sports au, college au

word count: 6.5k

warnings: blood, mention of surgery, description of injuries, swearing, financial struggle

author’s note: huge thanks again to my beta readers @writing-frog and @skiimmiilk for being a great help to making this story better! the slow burn fire is finally burning in this chapter and I’m so excited :) if you haven’t been listening already, I highly recommend the playlist for this chapter! enjoy~

“What do you mean ‘it’s fine’?,” you sobbed, gripping the side of her hospital bed. You wanted to give your best friend a hug, but you didn’t want to risk hurting her more. Yuna’s right leg was pinned into an apparatus, the intricate metal carefully holding together the broken bones, her usual perfect skin marred by scratches of red and patches of blue.

“I mean what I said”. Even with a sore voice and her current situation, Yuna managed to speak with dignity.

“And Ms. Kim is right,” the doctor agreed, jotting down a prescription on her clipboard, “the surgeries went well and she is in stable condition. The good news is that with proper rest and physical therapy, she will be able to walk again. Now, it’s my duty to be honest with you. You said you’re a figure skater?”.

“Yes”. Yuna uncurled her fingers, inviting you to hold her hand. You accepted it, bracing both of you for the bad news. Ten sat at the other side of the bed pressing her other hand to his lips.

“While we cannot rule out the possibility, the likelihood of you being able to skate again is very low. Especially for the next few years”.

Yuna’s tough façade started to crumble at the shocking reality and her lips trembled as she choked back tears. You pressed your forehead to her hand as you hid your own tears from her.

“God damn it!”. Ten yelled, getting up and kicking away the stool he was sitting on. The loud bang was followed by the sound of quiet weeping. “I shouldn’t have let you out of my sight. I shouldn’t have told you to go to the car first. None of this should’ve happened, god damn it”. The older boy cried into his palms as he placed the blame on himself.

“Please settle down and refrain from disturbing the patient,” the doctor warned, “but we would like to talk to you about the details of the accident, Ms. Kim, now that you’re awake and stable”.

Yuna nodded, a few tears escaping and rolling down her scraped-up cheeks.

“Your right leg is broken in three places upon impact with the vehicle: two in the femur and one major area in the tibia. You then sustained minor external injury as you fell to the pavement, scraping your arms and face. We will run additional tests later on to determine if you also have a concussion. If you can remember any details of how this accident happened, please describe them to me and we can notify the police to help find the suspect”, the doctor continued.

“I,” Yuna cleared her throat, “I was at a party last night and I had a bit to drink. We stayed pretty late and Ten is close with the host, so we just decided to sleep over. Then this morning, I woke up early and I wanted to go on a drive to clear my head. Ten had to get something so I left the house first. I- I checked both ways before I crossed the street to his car, but before I knew it… it came out of nowhere and I was on the ground. I don’t… I can’t remember anything about it. The next thing I remember was being in the ambulance with Ten”.

“I heard the whole thing happen,” Ten added softly, “I was inside the house at the time and I heard the screeching tires and Yuna screamed. By the time I ran outside, the car was gone and Yuna was bleeding on the ground”. He closed his eyes and clenched his fist. “All I could do was call an ambulance. I- I didn’t see the car or the bastard driving it. All I could do was sit with her in the street while we waited. She wasn’t waking up and all I could do was sit with her. I couldn’t even move her because I was afraid it would make it worse and she was bleeding everywhere. All I could do was sit there”.

Tears stream down your face as you listen to Ten break down. The normally bright and optimistic man now had his face in his hands, hiccupping uncontrollably at the thought of how close he came to losing the love of his life.

“Hey,” Yuna groaned, struggling to keep her own voice steady, “baby, I’m okay. When we met, you were hurt and struggling, but you got through it because we were together. We’re still together and we can get through this too”. She touched her fingers through his hair gently.

“Thank you for your cooperation, Ms. Kim, and both of your friends. The police are currently asking for witnesses for your hit-and-run case and will update you with any findings. These are your prescriptions”, the doctor slid the piece of paper onto the counter, “the nurse will come find you later to talk about your treatment. For now, I’ll leave you all alone”.

The room fell silent, only interrupted by the occasional sniffle as the doctor shut the door behind her.

“Hey y/n?”. Yuna turned her head gingerly to you.

“Yeah?”

“I’m sorry I can’t do the competition with you now. I promised I would but…”

“Don’t even… how could you worry about that right now?”, you sobbed, “don’t you worry about it, Yuna, the competition doesn’t matter at all. I’m just glad you’re okay right now. You should focus on getting better, not worry about me of all things”.

“Y/n is right,” Ten agreed, “you were there for me when I got hurt. And when I thought there was no way out, you held my hand and pulled me up from the darkness. Doctor says you have a good chance of walking, so let’s get you there first. Then we’ll work on beating the odds and getting you back on the ice again”.

“You guys…” Yuna smiled slightly, careful not to strain her bruised jaw.

“I’ll come visit you as much as I can,” you promised, “I can bring my sleeping bag, clothes, and a jar of peanut butter. We can just be roommates here instead. There’s free AC and disney band aids too, it’ll be great”. Your attempt to lighten the mood was well received as the couple chuckles together.

“By the way, I called your parents while you were in surgery and they’re on their way over now. They should actually be here soon,” Ten noted.

“I’ll leave you guys then,” you offered. There was a two visitor limit and you didn’t want to intrude on Ten and Yuna’s chance to have some private time before her parents bombarded her with concern. Not to mention Mark has been sitting in the waiting room for a few hours now and you wanted to be respectful of his time too.

Offering your last words of support to Yuna, you shut the door quietly behind you. Dabbing at your watery eyes with the edge of your sleeve, you attempt to fix your run-off makeup using your phone camera. Everything felt kind of numb. The events of the last 24 hours were surreal and staying up the whole night with Mark certainly did not help as the tiredness was catching up to you. Concern, upset, worry, and frustration formed a thick cloud in your thoughts. Your brain was like a jammed printer and the thoughts were not processing. You were in shock to say the least.

You shuffle your way down the hall to the waiting area and look for Mark’s familiar blonde hair. You spot him fast asleep in his seat, arms crossed over his chest as he leans his head back against the wall. His mouth is slightly agape, forming a soft ‘o’ as he breathed steadily in and out. Seeing him sleep so peacefully made you relax a little.

At least there was something good about today.

“Hey,” you whisper, shaking him gently. His eyes blink open slowly, wincing at the bright hospital lights.

“Hey,” he croaks, rubbing his eyes as he sits up straight. “How’s Yuna? Did you get to see her?”.

“She’s…,” you pause, “she’s okay. She said she was okay when I saw her just now and the doctor said she’s stable but…,” your voice trails off.

“But what?,” Mark asked gently, placing a comforting hand on your back. You look around to make sure there was nobody around who could overhear. A few people sat around the waiting room a ways away, texting on their phones or flipping through the free health magazines. The receptionist’s monotonous voice droned on as she answered a phone call.

“The doctor says that Yuna might not be able to skate again,” you murmured. Even though the doctor made it clear before, saying the words out loud felt extremely surreal. You imagined if it were you lying on the hospital bed hearing this news. To not be able to skate again… it was too awful to comprehend. Tears roll down your cheeks before you could help it, dangling from the point of your chin before falling onto your green volunteer shirt.

Mark thought about what he could say in reply to the devastating news, but decided it was best to not say anything at all. Pulling you in for a hug, you cry silently into the crook of his neck. You wrap your arms around his torso and hold on for dear life.

The next few weeks pass by rather uneventfully after the incident, at least comparatively. Police were still on the case of Yuna’s hit-and-run perpetrator, but they struggled to find witnesses when the crime occurred so early in the morning. Even the local CCTV didn’t cover the area where it happened and the driver was still ultimately at large.

The Lee’s and your other friends texted in the group chat plenty and you grew much more comfortable with having them around. Mark drives you to the hospital to visit Yuna a couple times a week and the three of you would eat lunch together in her room for a small sense of normalcy. It was a tough transition for you nonetheless- your best friend and roommate who you were used to seeing every day now was now seemingly so far away and your time together was reduced to a few hours a week. However, the initial shock of the situation eventually faded and the two of you came to terms with how things were. Yuna and you agreed to not cry about it anymore until she got started on physical therapy and gave recovery her best shot. Thankfully, Ten was there with her everyday and night, so it was bearable for her.

Mark’s always been sweet about your comfort zone, too, never pushing you to talk about your feelings yet at the same time, always there for you when you needed him. Neither one of you brought up the almost-kisses, the first reason being you weren’t ready to remind yourself of the horrible things that happened afterwards and the second being that Mark wanted to respect that you needed time to process it.

So the days tick by and seeing Mark became part of your daily routine. It was something you looked forward to when you got ready in the morning and although you didn’t really know it, it was something you needed to make your day feel complete. His good heart shined more and more to you everyday as you chose to continue to accompany him to Sunday volunteering. You got to witness how Mark’s eyes glowed whenever he talked to the people he served. He treated everyone there as if they were his own family and even though many of the people he helps are much older, he continues every conversation with sincerity and maturity.

In addition to walking you to class everyday, Mark now has a special seat next to you in the front row of your economics lecture, leaving Jeno and Ten snickering behind you as they watch your close interactions. You ate lunch at the willow tree by the basketball court on the days you weren’t visiting Yuna. After a while, you grew used to the dirty looks from the girls across the court, even glaring back when you met Hillary’s fiery stare. Nonetheless, you developed a comfortable social routine and everything was going quite well, except for one abundant issue weighing heavily on your shoulders.

The middle of October rolls by and you grind your way through your evening shift at Frankie’s. Thankfully, it was a Tuesday, so late-night stragglers weren’t an issue. You finish scrubbing down the counters in the kitchen and wipe your hands on your waitress apron. Unfortunately, it was your turn to close so you were the only one left working tonight. Your back ached from the hours of waiting tables and your cheeks hurt from the wide smile you offered all of your customers, rude or not. Sighing, you count your tips for the day.

A bell chimes from the door.

“Sorry we’re closed-,” you stop your words as you see the figure illuminated by the low diner lights.

“Is it too late for me to talk with the pretty waitress?” Mark grins, unzipping and taking off his wind breaker. You roll your eyes but your smile tells him you aren’t actually annoyed.

“The pretty waitress is covered in barbeque sauce and all purpose cleaner. Proceed?”

“Oh no, not barbeque sauce! Cancel request! Cancel Request!”

You laugh, throwing a nickel at his dramatic show.

“Wait, give that back to me. I need every tip I can get,” you say, holding out your hand to receive the coin. Mark obediently picks it up, handing it to you as he takes a seat at the bar. You thank him, flipping through the crinkled, greasy bills from the tip jar. The creeping disappointment must have shown on your face because Mark broke the silence.

“Not a good night?” His words were careful. He understood you were under a lot of stress recently, but he didn’t have the heart to pry further and make you tell him why, which you appreciated. Mark assumed it was about Yuna or grades, but you never confided the real reason of how much your financial situation really scared you.

“Not a good…” you debate telling him everything. On one hand, you didn’t want to come off as needy or desperate. You were infamously bad at sharing your burdens with others. On the other, you wanted to tell Mark because you know he would listen and it would make you feel better. “Not a good anything,” you finally admit, setting the scraggly bills down on the clean counter between you.

Only $26.84 for the whole night.

Mark’s soft brows were creased in concern as he waited for you to elaborate. He rested his chin on his knuckle, watching you pensate your feelings carefully. You meet his soft gaze, his eyes telling you that it’s okay. You let your shoulders relax, not even realizing the tension they were carrying.

“I…,” you start, letting out a small sigh as you walk your way around the counter to sit on the stool next to him. He spun his stool so he was sitting facing you. You pick at the mysterious stain on your apron.

How do I even tell him about this? Hey Mark, I’m broke! I might drop out because I don’t have money for school, thus ruining everything my parents and I have worked for.

“I guess I’m just worried,” you resolve after a minute, “I’m worried because, well, because of money”. You wince at hearing the words out loud but continue before you could take it back, “my parents are working really hard to get the money for my tuition, but things aren’t looking good for next semester”. You continue to tell him about how you’ve been picking up extra shifts to try to save up, but skating fees and money for basic necessities eats whatever you earn right up. The thought of quitting skating to save money came to your mind, but you never followed through because that was as much of a necessity as anything. A miracle occurred with the skating competition, only for some sick bastard to hurt Yuna. You asked around but everyone already had a partner or were too busy to participate in the competition. So now you could either go rob a bank or take a gap year and hope you’ll be able to return. Mark listened to your qualms quietly until you finished.

“The competition, did you ask people who aren’t on your team?,” Mark inquired, resting a reassuring hand on yours.

“Yeah, I even asked the girls on JV, but nobody wants to do it since they think they can’t win,” you confirm with a sad nod.

“That’s so dumb,” Mark stated, “you’re like, the best skater ever. Even the worst girl on JV could win if they did it with you”.

You look at him in surprise. His thumb ran comfortingly across your knuckles, sending tingles down your arm. A blush creeps onto your cheeks as you look back down at your joined hands. To be honest, you weren’t really sure what you guys were: officially, you were just friends at the moment, but anyone could see that there was something there. As of late, too much has been on your mind for you to possibly sit down and ponder it. Neither one of you has confessed feelings of any sort, but the night at the lake couldn’t just be ignored. And do normal friends hold hands like this?

“Right, tell that to them. Nobody wanted to be my partner, so yeah, I’m kind of in a pickle with tuition right now”

“Well can anyone be your partner?,” Mark asked.

“What do you mean? Like, just ask random strangers to skate with me?”

“No I mean like… I could do it”. His expression was serious, alluding that he meant every word of his ridiculous proposition.

“You could-” you stop to consider, “I mean I guess? I don’t think Coach Tanya said anything about the participants needing to be on the team… or be a girl. But there’s a big problem we’re not considering.”

“What problem?”

“You don’t know how to figure skate”. You free your hand from his and punch him lightly in the arm.

“But I play hockey and I’ve skated all my life,” Mark bargained, pointing to himself smugly and shrugging, “how hard can it be?”

“How hard-” you wheeze. You laugh out loud as the serious boy looked on indignantly. “Figure skating is miles different from what you guys do. Y’all go, what, forwards and backwards? Can you do a jump?”.

“I can too do a jump,” Mark defended.

“Okay, what about a single axel jump?”

“Uh…”

“Yeah, that’s what I thought,” you giggle, grabbing the counter and spinning your stool around. Mark watches you endearingly.

“Y/n” the sound of your name stops your childish break and you look at him expectantly. “What if I practiced every day. I can learn your uh- single axis”

“Axel,” you correct.

“Axel. I can learn this axel jump and I can practice it and whatever else you need so you can do the competition”. You couldn’t tell if he was being serious, but your heart skipped a beat nonetheless.

“Deadass?”

“Deadass,” Mark nodded.

“Why… why…”. You struggled to find the right words.

“Because I like you,” Mark interrupted, “and I want to do this for you because it would make you happy. I’d streak across campus fully nude and screaming if it made you happy”.

Did he just...confess?

“It would,” you nod seriously.

“It would? Which part? The competition or-”

“No, the streaking,” you shake your head, ignoring the steady increase of your heart rate. You press your lips into a flat line and nod to feign seriousness. Mark paused before getting up. He reached for the hem of his shirt, sighing before lifting it up over his head.

“Let’s get this over with,” he sighed, reaching for his belt buckle. You shriek, shielding your eyes from his half-nude appearance. Although you didn’t want to admit it, you let your eyes linger on his lean torso through your fingers.

Damn, maybe hockey does have some benefits.

“I was kidding! Please put your clothes back on!,” you cry. You heard him laugh as he pulled the fabric back on.

“Okay I’m decent. I’m decent,” Mark assured, taking his seat next to you again. “But seriously, I meant what I said and you don’t have to reply until you’re ready. I completely understand if you don’t know yet. Just know that I am here for you and I,” he grabbed the edge of your stool and pulled it firmly so you were facing him, “really like you. As more than friends”.

You felt surprisingly confident; the stress of life always went away when Mark was around and you forgot all about the scattered pennies and nickels on the counter. Although his confession was so sudden, you had a feeling it was coming eventually. It didn’t feel shocking, but more like… finally. That being said, you were unsure of what to say. You weren’t sure you were ready for a relationship and most of all, you weren’t sure about your feelings for him. The last thing you wanted was to say you like him back and have it end up not being true.

Like always, the understanding, patient look in Mark’s eyes told you that he would wait for you to reply when you’re ready.

“Okay”. You smile.

“Okay”. He mirrors.

“Let’s do it, the competition,” you decide.

“Really?”

“Yeah, let’s give it our best shot! After all, it’s a crowd vote and your popularity might gain us favor,” you tease, poking his chest. “What time is it?”

“It’s 9:48pm, why?,” Mark replied, checking his lock screen. You hopped off your stool and began untying your apron.

“You drove here right?”. He nods. “Then there’s somewhere I wanna go if you’re willing to drive”. You shove your tips for the night into your bag.

“You know I’m always down for you,” Mark smiled, grabbing your jacket off the rack and helping you into it. He stood in front of you and zipped you up without you asking, fixing the hood so it was proper. You watch him in silence and awe as he smooths down the wrinkles by your collar carefully and slings the strap of your bag over his shoulder without a word. It’s always these things, the little things, that leave you speechless.

The drive was pleasant. Mark put on your favorite radio channel and the two of you vibed comfortably to the acoustic music, the only interruptions were your quiet directions to the desired destination. You examined Mark’s face as he focused on the road, tipping his head back and forth to the beat with one hand on the wheel. It was dark, but the passing street lights illuminated his features in mesmerizing flashes, almost as if they were afraid to show his face for too long, the beauty would be too much to handle. His cheekbones were especially accentuated by the small smile on his lips. Looking at him made you feel… calm.

You pulled into the familiar parking lot. The blue neon lights above the building reading “Skate City” buzzed with electricity as the two of you got out of the car.

“You wanted to come here? To a kid’s roller rink?”. Mark chuckled as he shut the driver side door.

“Make fun of me now but you’ll see why” you rolled your eyes, walking through the building door which Mark held open for you.

The interior of the building was just like you remembered: the dark, ragged carpet was covered in colorful squiggles and dots resembling an abstract representation of worms and confetti. If that wasn’t bad enough, the matching wallpaper and UV lights topped off the hallucinogenic nightmare of a roller rink. Usually, it was also filled with the screams of children. Due to the lateness in the day, the rink was empty and usual disco funk was turned off. You would think it was closed if it weren’t for the man watching TV behind the counter.

“Mr. Joseph,” you call out with a wave. The man grunted, pulling his feet from off of the counter and shuffling through the mess of papers to find his glasses. He was an unassuming man in about his early forties, balding, pot-bellied, and proud. Nobody would guess that he was the man who taught you to skate all those years ago.

“Why, is that Miss y/n?,” Mr. Joseph exclaimed, rounding the counter to hug you.

“How have you been, Joe?”

“Well, you know me. I’m gettin’ by. Who’s this fella over here?”. Joe adjusted his specs and squinted at Mark.

“This,” you nudge the shy boy forward slightly, “is my friend, Mark. Mark, this is my family friend and former coach, Mr. Joseph. Also known as Joe,” you introduce.

The two men exchange a firm handshake.

“Nice meeting you, Mark. You treating her right?” Joe narrowed his eyes.

“Um so,” you cough, saving Mark from the awkward question, “Joe, we need skates for Mark”.

“Wait but I already have skates, y/n-,”

“No, you have hockey skates, Mark. You’re gonna need proper figure skates if we’re gonna do this competition right,” you explain.

“Competition, huh,” Joe gruffed, waddling into the back room and motioning for you to follow.

“Yeah, I don’t know if my parents told you, but Yuna was in an accident and now she can’t do the pair skate with me. Mark’s a hockey player but,” you glance at him with a smile, “he offered to pick up some skills and be my partner”.

“Here,” Joe smacked a pair of skates into Mark’s arms, “try these, boy”.

“Thank you, sir”. Mark bowed and went out to the bench to try them on.

Once he was out of sight, Joe leaned down to you, “you like this boy?”.

“Stop!,” you cry, covering your reddening ears with your hands.

“I’m just saying,” Joe held up his hands innocently, “I can tell he likes you by the way he looks at you. Even from meeting him just now”.

“Yeah… I just,” you stop to think about it. Well it’s true he likes you...

Do you like him?

You look to the door where you could see his shadow lacing up the new skates. You wish he would hurry back. Being without him felt like something was missing. Even if he was right around the corner, it didn’t feel good that you couldn’t see him and feel his reassuring presence. Realization began creeping in and you turn to look back at Joe’s I-told-you-so expression. He gave you a pat on the shoulder, “Make sure he’s good to you”.

Mark’s figure reappeared at the doorway, oblivious to your pounding heart and emotions which were becoming slowly more apparent. You watch endearingly as he stepped awkwardly into the room wearing the skates, stretching out his arms to maintain his balance.

“I think they fit!,” Mark beamed at you, causing the butterflies in your stomach to migrate all around.

“That’s good, boy. Take them on the house,” Joe guided him back out to take them off before he could hurt himself.

“Oh no, sir-”

“Please, they were collecting dust in that storage room. Nobody wants men’s figure skates anymore these days and I’m glad to help y/n out” Joe dismissed.

“Joe,” you stop him, wrapping your arms around Joe’s neck to give him a big hug, “thank you,” you whisper.

“Of course, kiddo” he pat your back, “you make me proud”.

After chatting for a bit longer, you bid your goodbyes to Joe as he locked up Skate City for the night. In the car, you hold your breath and turn towards Mark. Strangely, your head was in the clouds as you examined his face, a face you’ve grown so familiar with in the past few weeks, yet seemed brand new. Suddenly, he leaned in close, close enough to count his pretty eyelashes, warranting your breath to hitch in your throat. Unaware of your, Mark places the box of skates in the backseat and sits up straight again to buckle his seatbelt. You let out the breath you didn’t realize you were holding.

Right, I shouldn’t get ahead of myself.

“So, are you tired or do you wanna do some skating today?,” you finally ask.

Mark flashed you a crooked smile, starting the car, “Y/n, I’m always down for you. School rink?”.

You nod.

The whole drive back to the school was noticeably more awkward, at least to you. You tensed at every word he said and felt your heart clench when he hummed along to the soft radio tune. Saying nothing or giving short, one word replies, you didn’t trust your voice to say more. Instead, you opted to look out the window at the passing scenery for the fear of Mark noticing your flushed expression. You tug uncomfortably at your jacket collar, beginning to regret asking him to skate tonight. Ironically, and perhaps foolishly of you, you’ve received his confession yet you’re unwilling to admit the good news of mutual feelings to yourself. What should you do or say? Surely it’s not right to just say ‘I like you! I figured it out haha let’s date!” out of the blue.

Pulling into the sports center parking lot, you notice the locks on the front door.

“Oh crap, I forgot it’s a weekday. The rink is closed after 11,” you mutter, slightly relieved at the thought of heading home to sort out your feelings alone.

“Don’t worry, we can sneak in through the side door,” Mark answers nonchalantly, getting out to open the car door for you. You don’t disregard the kind gesture and instead feel the familiar pressure in your chest again.

And sneak in you did.

Mark had clearly done this a few times judging based on the way he led you confidently to the obscured side door which was propped slightly open with a rock.

You went your separate ways in the eerily empty stadium to your respective locker rooms. Splashing your face with cool water, you attempt to rein in your fiery flush.

How should I bring it up? Or do I wait? He already said he likes me, but what if he didn’t mean it?

After changing into your skates, you take a deep breath and head out to the ice.

He was already there waiting for you by the railing. Mark must have heard your footsteps approaching and he turned to give you a warm smile.

“You’re right, y/n, these skates are kinda different”. He tapped the toe pick into the padded floor.

“Yeah… right,” you mumbled, struggling to meet his bright eyes.

He’s so cute.

Pale moonlight streamed through the glass ceiling panels and illuminated your surroundings. Mark’s hair made his face glow silver and his eyes sparkled with the reflection of the moon. His face fell at your weak response, reading it as disinterest.

You open the gate and skate out onto the ice in front of him. Mark tentatively skated out to follow you, wobbling slightly at the different sensation. You reach out to grab his arms and steady him, meeting his gaze briefly before blinking away. You loosen your grip on his sleeves, the contact making your feelings go wild.

For a few moments, the two of you silently glided across the ice. For the first time ever, it seems, you weren’t sure what to say to him.

“Listen,” Mark finally spoke, struggling to a stop. He looked down at his skates thoughtfully, “If it’s about what I said earlier, if it’s about me liking you and that made you uncomfortable, I- I take it back. I feel like I didn’t give you a chance to say no if you wanted to-”

“No it’s-,” you interrupt, skating slightly ahead, “It’s not that”.

“Then why are you acting so strange?,” Mark asked, struggling to keep up.

“I just,” you circle to a stop at the middle of the rink. How do you even begin to explain how you feel? Never in your life have you felt like this about anybody. Never in your life have you felt so special and so cared for than when you were with Mark. You would have been lucky enough just being able to know him, but he even likes you. Out of all of the people he could have chosen, he chose you.

Mark careened to a halt behind you, waiting for you to finish. You take a deep breath.

Now or never.

You turn around to face him.

“What you told me in the diner, tell it to me again”. Your voice came out weaker than you had intended.

Mark’s eyebrows were furrowed in confusion and worry that you were upset with him. He wanted to pull you into a hug, tuck that piece of hair back behind your ear and tell you it’s okay if you didn’t love him back.

“I-,” Mark cleared his throat from his emotions, “I said that I like you, y/n. I like you as more than friends”. He looked down towards his feet but before he could blink, he was crushed in between your arms as you jumped to hug him. Your face fit perfectly into the crook of his neck and you breathed in his familiar, warm scent as he wrapped his arms delicately around your waist. The force from your impact caused both of you to drift slightly, but you kept steady. Not brave enough to look him in the face, you whisper your confession to his ear.

“I’m ready to answer you. I… I like you too. As more than friends”

Mark’s grip tightened around your waist as he lifted you slightly off the ice. Spinning around, he curled his fingers into the fabric of your sweatshirt as if he never wanted to let you go. Your heart swelled at the feeling as you held onto his sturdy shoulders. Neither of you needed to say anything more. He pulled you close so there was no space left and you listened to the gentle rhythm of his heart beating for you.

Pulling away at last, you rest your forehead against his. Your eyes fluttered closed but you could feel the tip of his nose brush gently across yours, his warm exhalation fanning across your lips.

“You don’t happen to have your phone on you, do you?” Mark mumbled deeply, savoring the moment.

You let out a small giggle, “no, do you?”.

“Nope”

And with that, you tilted your head up ever so slightly and Mark cupped your cheek to bring your lips together. You melt into his kiss and touch, allowing the way his soft lips moved against yours to express his silent affections. Exhaling through your nose, you sigh into the kiss, moving your hand to rest at the back of his head to pull him in deeper.

Finally.

Mark ran his thumb affectionately across your cheek, his lips speaking of all the times he’s wanted to do this. Your fingers lace their way through his soft hair, loving the way he reacts as you tug against the strands slightly.

A loud bang from a closing door causes you to pull apart finally. The bright beam of the security guard’s flashlight flashes across the ice as the two of you look on like deer caught in headlights.

“Hey, you two! Get out of there!,” the guard shouted, pointing a finger at your embracing form.

“Run!,” you whisper yell, pulling him quickly towards the gate. The two of you run as quickly as you can in your skates, pulling them off before you enter the hallway.

“Hey! Stop right there!,” the guard yelled, stumbling down the stadium stairs.

“Quick! In here!” Mark tugged you into the boys locker room, shutting the door before the guard could see and ushering you quickly to hide in the gap between two lockers. You squeezed in with him, panting softly as the adrenaline pumped through your body. Mark’s arms wrap around your body to pull you closer as the guard opens the door. The flashlight flicked menacingly across the dark room. You hold your breath as it comes particularly close. Finally, seconds that feel like hours pass and the security guard grunts before deciding to move on. You exhale in relief.

Mark rests his chin on top of your head and you realize how closely you’re pressed together. You giggle into his chest, loving how warm he felt.

“I can’t believe that I get to hold you,” Mark whispers. His fingers draw invisible shapes across your back.

You nuzzle your face into his tee shirt. “Well I can’t believe we’re doing this in the boy’s locker room after being chased down by security,” you mumble against the fabric. His chest sounded a low vibration as he chuckled back, moving his hand up to stroke your hair.

“You are so, so beautiful, y/n,” he moves to kiss the top of your head, “I don’t know the words to express how beautiful you are to me”.

You press deeper into his body at the words you’ve always wanted to hear. Lifting your face up from his chest, you press a small kiss to his lips, heart jumping at the still-new sensation. It was sweet, his lips ghosting over yours breathlessly as you nestle your nose gently against his in a slow eskimo kiss.

“I’ve liked you for so long,” Mark whispers in between kisses, “I’ve wanted to do this for so long”.

You answer by gripping the fabric of his collar to pull him in deeper, moving your lips rhythmically against his.

“I think I’ve liked you for a while too,” you admit as you catch your breath, “I just didn’t understand it. Or some part of me wasn’t ready to admit it”.

“That makes sense” Mark rests his forehead on yours, smiling, “I would have waited a thousand years if that’s what you needed”.

Again and again, he captivated you with his words. He was so good to you and never made you feel like you were anything less than perfect. Day after day, his patience with you never faded and slowly, you let him break down your walls. His comforting smile and optimism always filled you with reassurance and peace.

So standing there, making out in the boy’s locker room, illegally, in the dead of night on a Tuesday, you became sure. You were sure that you wanted him in your life. You were sure you wanted to try to be a part of his. As you pressed your lips to his and as he ran his fingers through your hair, there was no turning back.

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elindae-writes · 3 years

Note

I've been reading your McPrime universe posts- and let me tell I know for a fact Megatron probably loses his camera at one point. Starscream claims to "find" it but he just gives Megatron a battery-dead camera. Megatron's actual camera is with Soundwave. Megatron left it there when he asked Soundwave to show him videos of Orion so he could rant. "See my viewers? Orion is STUPID. You should worship me!!" He didn't notice for 10 hours that he was talking to no one.

Soundwave blinks at what he is seeing. Megatron is rapidly patting the couch cushion. He turns and stares at Soundwave, his optics wide and his frame shaky.

"s-soundwave," he wheezes. "the stream. how. how can i show them how to send their megatron-themed e-note birthday cards if i. cannot. stream?"

"DID YOU LOSE THE CAMERA IN THE COUCH CUSHION CRACK AGAIN?"

"i, ah. well. maybe? listen, i was perusing and mocking QVC alongside the viewers. i would do such a better job presenting the--" Megatron squints at the screen, "--the fun-fetti themed pyrex bakeware."

"'THE FUN-FETTI...'"

"... 'themed pyrex bakeware!' jesus christ, soundwave. god. get with the program!"

"PERHAPS A BREAK FROM STREAMING IS IN ORDER?"

"SOUNDWAVE I AM LOSING VIEWERS. i am not having fun-fetti."

The doors crack open and a sharp silver pede nudges them open all the way. "Hiiii!" Starscream says as he saunters in.

"you," Megatron hisses.

"Yes, me." Starscream nods. "Was someone looking for this?"

Starscream pulls a camera out of his armor. It looks absolutely nothing like Megatron's old camera.

"oh my primus it's my camera," Megatron gasps. "it even has the light on! still streaming!"

It has one of those tiny handheld cat lasers taped onto it.

Soundwave stares.

"Ahaha, yes, let it be known that Commander Starscream saved the stream!" He laughs. Sweat beads on Starscream's forehelm as Soundwave continues to stare at him.

Soundwave finally nods.

"YES. CONTINUE STREAMING."

"star. starscream." Megatron absentmindedly pats Starscream's helm. "where did u find this?" Megatron zooms the camera in on his foot.

"Oh, when you were doing that, uh, 'how long can I hold my breath for?' stream, you dropped the camera when you passed out."

"why is the screen black"

Starscream gulps. "The streamers, they, ah... shut their eyes. Yes. That's why it's blacked. Because they went to sleep as they awaited your return."

"they're so loyal," Megatron whispers as he stares at his reflection in the black screen. "you should follow their example."

Soundwave flinches.

Megatron nods. "ah yes. logical. well. time to go back to buying--i mean, time to go back to mocking the fun-fetti bakeware."

It was a good thing Soundwave snatched the camera from off the armrest while Megatron was busy calling the QVC hosts.

#WHY CAN I WRITE SO MUCH OF THIS BUT STRUGGLE TO WRITE LIKE ONE LINE FOR UNBURIED AIOSJAO;IWNE;OIGN #mcprime universe #megatron #starscream #soundwave

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travis-and-jodi · 3 years

Text

August, 2013

The EPILOGUE of Exposed: The Secret Life of Jodi Arias

by Jane Velez-Mitchell

The trial of Jodi Arias was an absolute phenomenon. In terms of the television viewing audience, it ranked with the trials of O.J. Simpson and Casey Anthony. In those other two cases, however, the verdicts delivered were the opposite of what the public was expecting, and the calls for justice were left deeply unsatisfied. With Jodi, the verdict was both predicted and categorically hailed. Of course, a lot of things were different in this case. For one, Jodi had confessed to the killing, even though it had taken her two years to get to that point, and even then she tried to spin it.

Two years was longer than the murderess had even known Travis Alexander. She had met him on September 13, 2006, and he died a brutal death by her hand on June 4, 2008, three months shy of two years. Not including the aggravation phase and the death penalty phase, the trial lasted four months and a week, from January 2 through May 8, 2013. That was two weeks shy of the length of time the two had officially dated, which by Jodi’s account began on February 2, 2007, and ended with a phone call on June 29 of that same year. Deliberations in the punishment phase of the trial lasted fifteen hours, the amount of time it would have taken for Jodi to drive from Yreka to Mesa, had she driven nonstop. Depending on when she arrived at Travis’s home, she may have been there almost exactly fifteen hours. In that time Jodi managed a few hours for sleep, sex, and still more sex; a few minutes for taking nude photographs of Travis in the shower; a few long, savage minutes for the murder itself, complete with more than two dozen knife wounds, the near decapitation, plus the gratuitous gunshot to the face; and a period of time for stuffing Travis’s body into the shower, cleaning up some of the enormous amounts of blood, putting clothing, towels, and the camera through the wash cycle of Travis’s washing machine, and heading out of town in her rental car, into the twilight over the Arizona desert.

For the trial, tens of thousands of people tuned in to watch it, either the live stream or the evening recaps on those television networks that featured the proceedings. HLN saw record ratings for its gavel to gavel coverage, as well as its nightly analysis and debates. People could not get enough. Even at the courthouse itself, crime junkies were such regulars there that they became known by nicknames. There was “Cane Lady,” and her friend Michaelann who said her father had been murdered in a knife attack and who identified with Travis’s plight. One young man made a rather large painting of Jodi Arias surrounded by her lawyers, the prosecutor, and key witnesses and stood outside the courthouse showing off the canvas.

As much as people hated Jodi Arias, they were also intrigued about who she really was. During her eighteen days on the stand, everyone had their own chance to size her up. Jodi was already loathed in the court of public opinion even before she took the stand on February 4, 2013, and by almost all accounts, her “performance” during her testimony was just that. She appeared at turns smug, unrepentant, mendacious, self-serving, and even combative. She seemed willing and even eager to assassinate the character of the man she claimed to have loved without hesitation, accusing him of heinous acts like pedophilia and physical abuse. That she had murdered Travis once was horrific enough, but to attack him again in this way, under oath and in front of his whole family, was despicable.

As everyone has tried to understand Jodi, so, too, has the psychological world, and the opinions from the professionals reveal fascinating insights into the mind of Jodi Arias, perhaps shedding light on why she acted the way she did. Dr. Drew Pinsky, host of HLN’s Dr. Drew on Call, has been an extremely valuable source of information on this topic. He is a board-certified internist, an addiction medicine specialist, and an assistant clinical professor of psychiatry at the Keck School of Medicine at the University of Southern California. Although he didn’t interview Jodi directly, he did have the good fortune of interviewing multiple psychologists and psychiatrists about Jodi, and he has also reviewed the testimony of psychologist Janeen DeMarte, who took the stand as a rebuttal witness for the prosecution. Based on all of the information Dr. Drew gathered, he has a pretty good idea of what was going on with Jodi, although there is acknowledgment of the difficulty of evaluating somebody without speaking to him or her directly.

He agreed with other psychologists and psychiatrists in suggesting that Jodi has borderline personality disorder, which is what the prosecution maintained all along. About “borderlines,” Dr. Drew said it best when he generalized: “They lie, they manipulate. Their point of view begs no alternative. They really can’t see their role in what plays out in their life. They just can’t see it. That’s what personality disorders are. At its core: ‘It’s the world’s problem, not me. I’m justified in feeling the way I do, acting the way I do because of what the world is and what the world’s done to me.’ That’s what makes personality disorder so difficult, if not, some say, impossible to treat.”

In today’s pop psychology world, people love to toss around diagnoses with abandon. But, says Dr. Drew, for borderline personality disorder, “there’s very specific criteria. And you need certain numbers of these criteria: chronic feelings of emptiness, chronic feelings of preoccupation about abandonment, dysfunctional, chaotic relationships, inability to have stability in their lives, lots of suicidal ideation, extreme mood lividity. It’s just a terribly unstable emotional landscape.” Borderlines are prone to fierce anger and irritability. Anyone who has studied this case can look at that criteria and say: it fits Jodi to a T.

Also, by definition, borderlines seesaw between idealizing the object of their fascination and then devaluing them in the extreme. That is precisely what Jodi did with Travis. She put him on a pedestal, worshipping him socially and sexually and then—when he was unable to meet her insatiable demands—she demonized him in her mind. When she murdered Travis, she was knocking the pedestal over and smashing it into the ground.

This in no way apologizes for Jodi’s behavior. As Dr. Drew and others have stressed, having a mental illness is not the same as being legally insane. Jodi understood right from wrong, as evidenced by her plotting and cover-ups. But, perhaps because she is a borderline, she felt justified to kill Travis not in self-defense because he was attacking her; he was not. Rather, because she felt wronged by him and felt entitled to exact revenge. She felt justified. And, some would say, she still feels justified, which is why she has shown no genuine remorse and can barely verbalize the word “sorry” in a sentence even when her own life depends on it.

Dr. Drew spoke of Jodi’s “lifelong pattern of really not accepting responsibility for things, for having strange reactions, intense relationships. There was real chaos in [Jodi’s] life where she would go from job to job to job. And then, very significant, was how she conducted herself in her relationship with Travis Alexander.” Had she not been borderline she might have had the capacity to examine her relationship with Travis with at least a semblance of objectivity, see her part in the dysfunction and realize she was not a victim but a participant in an unhealthy situation. But Jodi never achieved that level of self-honesty or self-awareness. She was way too invested in playing the victim in the relationship and indeed engineered her own debasement by actively encouraging it, begging for ass poundings, going out of her way to be his maid, etc. She thoroughly enjoyed her pity party where she worked up her appetite for vengeance. With borderlines, relationship disillusion and bitterness are prefabricated and inevitable.

According to Dr. Drew, it is unusual for borderlines to become raging murderers. “Borderlines don’t kill people, they typically kill themselves,” he said, adding many of his professional colleagues suspected Jodi also had “some components of psychopathy, some problem with the ability to empathize with others, very goal directed. She’s very cunning and when she really needs it, she can think about no one but herself, come what may. That, I think, is the part that the public reacts so fiercely to.” That’s a fancy way of saying she is likely also a psychopath. Her pathological lying also dovetails with psychopathic behavior, as the psychopath has absolutely no qualms about lying as a means to an end. Lying is child’s play compared to the even more malignant behaviors in their tool kit.

Dr. Drew elaborated by saying that borderlines use a style of emotional regulation called “projective identification,” paraphrased to mean, “I have a horrible feeling inside of me, so horrible I can’t touch it, but I can inject that feeling into you.” Thus, borderlines are terribly manipulative. “They literally can make you feel what they don’t want to feel and then they manipulate you as a way of manipulating their (own) feelings.”

As an example, Dr. Drew pointed to the interview Jodi gave minutes after she was found guilty of murder. She said she wanted the death penalty, saying the worst outcome for her would be spending the rest of her natural life in prison. She wasn’t a smoker, and longevity ran in her family, so a lifetime behind bars would be intolerably long, if nothing else. Besides, “I believe death is the ultimate freedom, so I’d rather have my freedom as soon as I can get it,” she said without hesitation to Troy Hayden of Phoenix’s KSAZ. Jodi was essentially goading the jurors to execute her. In that death wish statement, Dr. Drew sees the borderline’s projective identification, “She has a murderous rage, because we’ve all seen what her murderous rage can do. We know she has that. Her murderous rage she is now trying to put on the jury and tell the jury, ‘You need to kill me. And then you’ll be guilty of acting out my murderous rage.’ That’s how borderlines function. It’s projective identification.”

In a way, Jodi also engaged in projective identification sexually with Travis, encouraging him to engage in sexual conduct that she later said made her feel degraded. She was the one who felt less than and even worthless, but she managed to manipulate him into acting it out through sexual role playing so she could blame him.

With borderlines, dissociation becomes a common strategy as well. Jodi seemed dissociated from her own life, looking at her life as if it were a movie. There was a sense of unreality that allowed her to do hideous things and not really be in touch with the level of awfulness, or the hideousness of it. This is part and parcel of the emptiness and alienation that borderlines experience.

And because that dissociation makes her life feel so movielike and unreal to her, Jodi has actually enjoyed her notoriety, as if she were starring in a movie role and not becoming a convict in real life. Journalist Amy Murphy, the television reporter for Phoenix’s ABC 15 TV who conducted a one-on-one interview with Jodi Arias following the verdict, observed, “In her sick twisted little mind it is (an ego trip) absolutely . . . I asked her that question. I said, ‘People think you’re really enjoying all this attention.’ And she goes, ‘No, not this kind of attention,’ but she thought about the answer long and hard. She’s enjoying it. There’s no doubt about it. She’s enjoying it.” Dissociation is what allows her to enjoy her infamy, which amounts to being famous for doing something hideous.

One thing Amy noticed about Jodi that left her with a sense of wow, seriously mentally ill was her eyes, what Nancy Grace called Jodi’s “crazy eyes.” Amy was close enough to Jodi that she could see the pupils of her brown eyes, which may have been dilated. The large pupils, coupled with the fact that she didn’t blink very often, gave the sense of what people interpret as “crazy.”

The reporter said she learned through her sources that Jodi was being medicated behind bars. She asked if the drugs were anti-depressants or anti-psychotic drugs, because that might explain Jodi’s ability to have remained so calm, with her cold, dazed look throughout the interview process. According to the source, “I can’t tell you what kind of drugs she is taking, but she is on meds for whatever it is she’s dealing with.” Amy wondered if Jodi had been medicated during her testimony, it being common knowledge that the defendant suffered from migraines. The source said that she got a daily vitamin, in addition to her daily migraine medication. Amy asked specifically about anti-depressants or anti-psychotics, and got a “yes” response. When she asked “which or both?” the source could not elaborate. There was speculation that Jodi’s lack of affect on the stand could have been due to medications.

As for why the defense didn’t do much with Jodi’s mental illness, Amy was not sure. “If she’s indeed a sociopath and the defense knows this, they’re not going to bring that up in her defense. I think that they have downplayed the mental illness part of it for their own reasons, and who is to say if she’s bipolar. If she is, then she’s medicated, because nobody could sit on the stand and be that calm if they’re bipolar. If she’s a sociopath, that makes more sense. How can she lie through her smiles and keep her stories straight, thinking she’s smarter than everyone else and not feeling any remorse?”

Given the many interviews she had done in her long career, Amy noticed she did not get an uneasy physical sensation from being in Jodi’s presence. She was even looking for an evil vibe, but said she didn’t get one from Jodi. “The vibe I got was a non-vibe,” she said, “no emotion, a vacancy of any emotion whatsoever. It didn’t matter what the questions were, she was going to stay calm and have an answer for it.” Amy found it extremely odd, but not innately insidious.

Other reporters had similar opinions. Another female reporter said she hadn’t been creeped out at all. In fact, she had wanted to get up and give Jodi a hug after the interview. A male reporter told Amy that he found something very captivating about Jodi and her soft-spoken manner. Amy summed it up by saying, “She’s like one of those pretty fish deep down in the ocean that you are somehow drawn to, but when you get close to them, you realize ‘Oh my god, they’re poisonous.’ ” She acknowledged Jodi’s looks were striking, even though she had made herself as unattractive as possible for court. She looked tiny and harmless, and it was easy to see how Travis would have been attracted to her. Jodi even seemed to flirt with her favorite reporter, the handsome Troy Hayden.

Amy came away from her own interview with Jodi convinced that the woman was out of her mind. That being said, she thought Jodi clearly could distinguish right from wrong, based on her extraordinary attempts to cover up her crime and create a phony alibi.

“I interpreted Jodi Arias as being much more seriously mentally ill than the defense ever let on,” said Amy after the session.

Friends of Travis’s were outraged by Jodi’s postconviction media tour, and many questioned her sincerity. Chris Hughes, in particular, didn’t believe her death wish for a moment. “I think Jodi’s request for the death penalty is Jodi doing what she does; lying and manipulating,” he stated. He said Jodi was too scared to die, and that she had been threatening suicide for years, even in high school. “If Jodi wanted to be dead, she would be,” he concluded. Travis’s friend Dave Hall agreed with Chris, but he thought Jodi’s vanity factored in. “I think Jodi Arias loves herself too much to actually want that,” he commented.

Jodi Arias herself changed her mind within a day, saying she realized her family didn’t deserve the additional pain that would come if she were put to death. She said even her lawyers felt “a little betrayed” and blindsided by her interview. During her allocution, her plea to the jury, she asked the panel of twelve jurors to reject the death penalty outright for the sake of her family.

“I’m asking you to please, please don’t do that to them. I’ve already hurt them so badly, along with so many other people,” she said. “I want everyone’s healing to begin, and I want everyone’s pain to stop.” Again, there were very few people in the court of public opinion who bought into anything she said. Even her closing seemed laced with self-pity. “To this day, I can hardly believe I was capable of such violence. But I know that I was, and for that, I’m going to be sorry for the rest of my life.” That was as far as her regret seemed to take her.

Dr. Drew weighed in on Jodi’s seeming lack of remorse. “It evokes in the public a sense of rage, that we can’t have this woman amongst us because we don’t see her remorseful; we don’t see her falling on her sword, we don’t see her really empathizing with this family, we don’t see her taking responsibility, which is a borderline thing. But we do see her as very cunning.”

As of this writing, Travis has been gone for more than five years, but with the very high likelihood of another penalty phase in Jodi Arias’s future, this case could go on interminably. Another unbiased jury has to be selected, which could take a long time, especially in light of the massive media coverage to date. The legally necessary act of bringing another set of jurors up to speed on the facts of the case is absolutely daunting.

So what will ultimately become of Jodi Arias? If the new jury in the penalty phase of the case decides on a death sentence, Judge Stephens is legally bound by that decision. But if the new jury votes for life in prison instead, Judge Stephens would have two options: one would be sentencing Jodi to life in prison with no possibility of release; the other would be sentencing her to life in prison with the possibility of release after twenty-five years. If that happens, and with time already served, she would be over fifty years of age before her first chance of release. Travis’s family hopes that day never comes.

A lot of the fascination with this case has to do with the wild, forbidden sex. We are mesmerized by the infidelity, the hypocrisy, and the sexual abandon, the obsession, the games, especially in light of God’s Law, the Law of Chastity. In a certain way, we are the voyeurs of a unique sexual descent into a kind of hell. Why the extreme allure of the sex lives of two strangers, beyond the fatal attraction? Maybe Nurmi hit a homerun with his observation about “dirty little secret.” Secrets, sex, lies, an audiotape . . . and the obsession of a woman scorned who took a good man, by many accounts a great man, down. It may be awful, but—still—we like to watch.

The new jury that will decide the ultimate punishment is not yet seated. The court of public opinion is loud and excoriating, but fundamentally irrelevant as far as the law is concerned. Still, justice for Travis is the battle cry for most every spectator. This new death penalty phase gives room for new speculation and analysis. Only time will tell what new tactic the defense might employ to save the life of Jodi. No matter what, there will continue to be speculation about the mystery of Jodi Arias, as people pore over the evidence and try to understand what bizarre combination of chemistry and personality drove her to kill a man she professed to love.

When asked if Jodi was mentally ill, Dr. Drew concluded, “She has significant mental health issues for sure. The interesting conundrum is, it doesn’t justify or mitigate what she’s done, it’s just a way of understanding how things like this can happen.” Of critical importance, says Dr. Drew, is that Jodi be held accountable.

There are plenty of people with borderline personality disorder who do not murder, who keep themselves in check, who get help for what ails them. If there’s no cure for borderlines, there are ways to contain it. Jodi had studied spiritual and philosophical movements as esoteric as transcendentalism. She must have had some awareness of basic psychology. It’s hard to know why she did not seek help. People told her she had a problem, and yet she made the decision to ignore those who were undoubtedly telling her to get help. Dr. Drew’s point cannot be stressed enough. “I can have compassion for an alcoholic, but when the alcoholic drives drunk and kills someone, my compassion ends.”

#jodi arias #true crime #ttc #arizona can't fight #capital punishment

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jikyuz · 4 years

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♡ treasure reaction: having an idol s/o ♡

“hiii <33 do you think you could do a headcannon where the boys have an idol s/o? like how they’d react to their s/o comebacks or small interactions on camera? i’m sorry if i’m not being specific :’)) but i love your writing,, keep up the good work <33” - anon

a/n: no need to be sorry! i don’t mind broad requests because it gives me a lot of creative freedom which i like ^^ also feel free to go check out my other idol s/o request here! - bee

♡ hyunsuk ♡

ready to hype you up every step of the way

if he’s free he goes to practice with you to watch you prepare for your next comeback

will help with lyric writing/producing if you do that

understands how hard it is and will be your rock

supports you with everything

if you’re on the same show/on camera at the same time

besides the occasional side glance i don’t think he would interact with you more than a normal amount

he’s the leader and doesn’t want rumors or anything to hurt treasure

so he would be very careful with that

but definitely sits with you while you get your makeup/hair done backstage because he’s happy that he can spend some more time with you

brags about you to his members while he watches your new mv

“woahhh look at them!! that’s my baby!!”

♡ jihoon ♡

as i said in my previous idol s/o reaction: the Proudest Boyfriend Ever

also a very protective boyfriend

all his other idol friends not in treasure know you’re his partner

you have to remind jihoon not to spoil anything about your comeback to his friends because he Will brag about you

wants to know all the details of your comeback and watch your dance practices

when he can he brings you (and your members) lunch/snacks to make sure you’re eating well

if you guys promote at the same time he will absolutely visit you backstage to wish you luck/give you good luck kisses

the makeup artists scold jihoon for kissing you and messing up your lip tint

but they think yall are the cutest so they don’t scold him too much

is very very subtle with interactions on camera

a lot like hyunsuk, since he’s a leader he doesn’t want to jeopardize the groups career/your career over rumors

but he also loves you so much so he would smile fondly at you and clap loudly for you

♡ junkyu ♡

again, as i said before, knows your dances front to back

is your hype man but moreso hypes you up when you need it

like yea he’s super supportive

but if you ever say you’re worried/upset about something

he turns on the hype switch

“babyyyy you’re the best! don’t doubt yourself!” *points to your dance practice video* “look at you! you did so well!”

texts you before you go on stage/go to a filming for something wishing you luck and that he’ll be watching and cheering from the dorm

so shy with interactions

if you’re on the same show junkyu won’t do anything that’s considered ‘too much’

but if your group is included in a random play dance or something

junkyu will go All Out

think junkyu dancing to cl’s ‘baddest female’

absolutely embodies the feel of your dance because he’s watched you practice it so many times

♡ yoshi ♡

probably one of the shyest/least likely to interact with you on camera

smiles and claps for you but doesn’t do much else

if you guys promote at the same time he’ll visit you in your waiting room for a moment to steal a quick kiss and then dart back to his room

while you perform yoshi just sits in the makeup chair with his eyes glued to the screen

smiles when you show up

the members tease him about his glazed over look he gets when he watches you perform

gushes about you to the members after your stage is done though

“did you see how they were center for the dance break?!”

if you compose/write lyrics he would love to just spend quality time with you in the studio

even if he’s just laying on the couch watching you work

he really values quality time so he would love to visit you in the studio and bring you lunch/dinner

knows only your lyrics to your songs

he loves your songs and hypes you up when you have a comeback

but he just loves listening to you and ends up just remembering your parts

♡ jaehyuk ♡

the Most Supportive Boyfriend

brings you and your members snacks/food during practice when he can

is really good friends with your members as well

every time you have a comeback he brings you flowers and sends flowers to music shows for your comeback stages

if you guys promote at the same time he will visit you in the waiting room and wish you luck

makes sure you’re eating well/enough

if you ever say you’re dieting jaehyuk will Hate It

“no you don’t need to! you’re perfect the way you are!”

when you get your first win jaehyuk absolutely cries

unless he’s on the stage promoting as well then he fights so hard to hold back and just smiles really widely/claps

but if he’s at home watching on the tv then he bawls

“i’m so proud of you, sunshine.”

if you stay late at the company to practice/produce/etc then jaehyuk joins you

because he wants to make sure you get some rest eventually

also because he likes spending time with you and watching you practice

♡ asahi ♡

the silent type of supportive boyfriend

when you have your comeback he will watch it over and over, smiling when you appear on screen

has your songs on repeat in the practice room and screams the lyrics/dances nonstop

when your concept photos come out he shows all the members with a big smile on his face

during your promotions asahi always texts you and reminds you to drink water/take a nap when you can/that you’ve going to great

always ends those texts with a heart

no rumors of you two ever come out because asahi is his normal quiet self during broadcasts/recordings

if you’re ever on camera together then he would just act normal

he’s mostly the silent supportive type but there are definitely exceptions to that

if you’re promoting at the same time, asahi will go to any tv he can in the waiting room just to watch your stage

does the fanchants..... very loudly and cheers loudly when it’s your part

also if you ever do a solo stage/cover/song then asahi is gonna blast it at 100 volume in the dorm and go wild

♡ mashiho ♡

Hype Man!!!!!!!

he would have all your albums on his shelf and if he could he would have one of your photocards in his phone case

knows all the dances to all your songs, all the fanchants and lyrics

probably one of the ones to interact with you the Most on camera

if you’re on the same variety show together he will laugh at everything you say, clap and smile at you

during music shows at the end when all the groups are together he would absolutely stare at you with a smile on his face

shared smiles and knowing glances from the other members of your group/treasure

when asked his ideal type he describes you

loves to visit you in the waiting room

brings you food/snacks during practice, especially if you tell him you hadn’t eaten yet that day

whenever he can he visits you to see how practice is going

will help you with dance moves or help you learn cover dances

tries to teach you treasure choreo

♡ yedam ♡

streams your comeback whenever he can

during breaks in filming stuff he has his phone in his hand and your mv on repeat

shows all the members the mv and points you out even if you’re at the back

wants to do a cover with you so badly because he thinks your voices would go well together

eventually you do a collab at an awards show and yedam is the Happiest Boy Alive

during variety shows or other broadcasts on camera he’s really professional

is able to separate his private life and his career pretty well

plus he gives you plenty of affection backstage/when the cameras are off

knows all the lyrics to your songs and goes to you to learn the dance

when he can he likes to make you cute lil lunch bags for you and your other members to eat

buys you matching necklaces that neither of you take off so that when you’re on stage or recording something you can always remember him

“so i’m always close to your heart and you’re close to mine!”

♡ doyoung ♡

doesn’t interact with you on camera, at least not past the normal regular interactions

helps you out with dancing all the time

you need help with a dance cover? doyoung will help.

having trouble with a move in your own choreo? he’s got it

likes to visit you when he gets out of practice because “seeing you is better than sleep”

gets so excited every time you have a comeback

like you would think he was part of the group with how hyped he gets

when your teasers drop he sends them to all the members on kakao and keyboard smashes in korean

is good friends with your members

hypes up your members as well but not as much as he hypes you up

knows the dance to all your songs and is the Resident Master when your songs come on random play dance

depending on when you/him go to practice, he will bring you and the other members coffee and a small snack so he knows you are eating

♡ haruto ♡

despite ruto being young, i think he’s pretty shameless when it comes to interactions on camera

like during a variety show if you show off a talent and the hosts ask ruto what he thinks, even if he’s seen you do it before, he stares with his mouth wide open

“wow, they’re really good”

but he’s also careful not to overdo it

if he visits you during practice he hypes tf out of you

yells so loud when you’re the center that it’s hard to hear the music

also hypes you up in the waiting room as well

kisses your forehead (much to the annoyance of the makeup artists lol) and takes pictures for you for instagram/twitter

“you’re gonna rock it, hun!”

will be your Biggest Fan and will talk about your comeback/mv/concept photos to the members whenever he can

they even recorded him talking about you and sent it to you which you found adorable

♡ jeongwoo ♡

Hype Man!!!

absolutely cries when you get your first win because he’s so happy for you

sends you flowers whenever you get first place on a music show

though he’s your hype man, i think if you guys are on the same show together he might be a bit shy

like he is shameless when you aren’t there, he dances to your songs on tmap or whatever

and sings at the top of his lungs in the dorm when you have your comeback

but if you’re together on a show then jeongwoo tones it down because he knows how much rumors can hurt you/him

out of all the members, probably talks the most about you around the dorm/at practice

“have you seen their concept photos? their mv teaser? i have to be up at midnight for the music video release!”

plays your song whenever and wherever he can

has all your albums because he wants to support you however he can

♡ junghwan ♡

oh this cute babie

a lot like doyoung with interactions, is really shy when he’s with you on camera but maintains being professional

after you have a comeback junghwan will call you at 12:01 and tell you all the things he liked about the mv in specific detail

“the effects in the background when you showed up were so pretty! your makeup was so good! this dance looks really hard”

if you guys promote at the same time junghwan might try and visit you

but if he doesn’t then he texts you wishing you good luck

when you perform junghwan has all his attention on you

his mouth kinda falls open when he sees all of the cool effects and makeup and everything

blasts your songs at Full Volume in the practice room

excitedly talks to the members about your new comeback

makes them watch all the variety shows you are on

the cutest supportive bf ever >_<

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megashadowdragon · 3 years

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**1.**Punching Gilgamesh the moment you are summoned/enter a fight/enter a room is not reasonable and should not be done at any time -Gudao

1a. Not even when he barges into the Camelot Room and threatens to everyone, especially when he does it to make your female counterpart marry her -Gudao

1b. Apparently PTSD is not a viable excuse to punch someone when you see him harassing someone. Noted.

2. Just because I am a King, does not mean I can give people nicknames. Makes me wonder how Gareth felt about being called Best Boy by Merlin.

3. Eating contests are apparently not allowed, seems food shortages are common with my counterparts.

4. As it turns out, screaming "To Valhalla" is not the best idea when you step onto Iskandar's Chariot. Especially so when you are right in front of the enemy.

5. Frankenstein is not a doll, do not dress her up. No Arthur, not even if she tilts her head and makes cute growls -Gudao 5a. Okay! Only if its a sundress! -Gudao

6. Getting together four of my other counterparts and forming the Saber Rangers is not allowed, especially if we have Excalizords. Seems the other servants aren't fond of needlessly big robots that take too long to combine.

7. Motorbikes are not to be used at any point or time in Chaldea, no, not even when Iskandar decides to hold the "Chaldea Grand Prix" -Da Vinci

7a. THE SAME GOES FOR OTHER VEHICLES YOU MONGRELS, UNLIKE YOU FUCKS, SOME OF US NEED BEAUTY SLEEP AT 3 AM! -Gilgamesh

8. Just because I can use a sword, doesn't mean I am allowed to attack my Cu Chulainn with it. I swear, he walked into it.

9. Apparently I am not allowed to compliment people? Turns out after I left the beach where I hung out with a sweetie named Kiyohime, along with master, Kiyohime attempted to burn someone alive because I said that master looked like a dashing man. I highly doubt she did.

9a. The smell is still stuck to my trunks Arthur -Gudao

10. My liege... My OTHER liege, please don't ever get Red Saber to sing "Total Eclipse of the Heart" again when I am about to utilize Galatine -Gawain

11. We know you are fascinated in other cultures, but please. Stop talking to the Servants of France about Sasaki Kojirou, we don't know if you made up his nickname, but he is not the "Savior of France" - Jeanne D'Arc

12. I would suggest that you stop entering the Camelot Room by screaming "Where is my love! Guinevere!", while it as funny once or twice, I can't stand to see either Lancelots' become depressed anymore -Arturia Altria

13. No offense... But please stop patting my head so much, I know you are basically my Uncle, but people are getting the wrong idea -Mashu

14. While Proto League is an acceptable nickname for the servants of your war, please don't ever enter a fight and scream it out again. We know you enjoy it, but it can get obnoxious after a while - Random Mob 1

15. Proving that I am male by either fighting or pantsing myself is no longer allowed after Heracles decided to do the same thing when a recently summoned Shakespeare made him question his own gender -Da Vinci

15a. Having the entire male team to pants themselves in front of the enemy is not a viable tactic against Archers, no matter what you watched beforehand and despite how fun it is -Robinhood

16. Just because Merlin suggested it, I shouldn't instantly do it. Its odd, almost like no one trusts Merlin, he seems just like my one.

17. "I saw a pest" is not a viable reason to drop a Corrupted Grail into the Babylon Room, we understand your dislike towards the King of Heroes, but Ishtar and Ereshkigal were caught up in the rage.

17a. "I was bored" is not a viable excuse to kiss a female servant while under the effects of Merlin's illusionary spell, Gudao has yet to leave his... specially enduced Coma.

17b. "I saw this scene-" is not a viable reason to go to a prior singularity and ask Muramasa to create a specific weapon, it is time wasting, no matter how strong the weapon is.

18. Suggesting to Rayshift to the point before someone dies is not a good idea, no matter how much fun it is for you to watch the "Crazy Murder Loli" die.

18a. Getting Fou'd is not a good reason to Rayshift back to your fight against Beast VI just so you can "Finish the Fucker Off".

19. Using a voice manipulator made by Merlin is not a good way to get people to be afraid when you shout a noble phantasm.

19a. Shouting "Stella" is not allowed, Arash prematurely shot off his Noble Phantasm while training and now we have to resummon him.

20. Just because we have a Simulation Room, does not mean I can alter the device to allow me to see someone from the past.

20a. We know you miss her, we do too. If you want to speak, you can come talk to us -Proto League

21. Trying to host an "Engry MIYA" talk between Nameless and Alter is not a good idea, just... Don't.

22. While having a Picnic is fun, please don't host them in the middle of a fight.

23. Just because a rabbit killed Gawain in a movie, does not mean you can threaten to cook Fou alive.

24. We know you love kids but come on, you can't just take Nursery Rhyme and Jack out to "Play Fetch" with the Dragons in France every after-noon.

25. Blaming someone that isn't even a servant isn't a viable way to shift blame.

26. I've been banned from the Kitchen, apparently forcing my way in and cooking the meals before Nameless is not a good idea. He looked ready to cry.

26a. Turns out mentioning the fact that Muramasa was far more willing to let me into his kitchen when I visited him was not a good idea. I don't think Nameless likes me much.

26b. "Just because I have the alcohol" is not a good excuse to get a few of the servants including Mashu drunk at dinner.

27. Just because you technically existed before Back to the Future 1 and 2, does not mean you can threaten to sue the creator, even if you can go back in time freely.

28. NO, NEVER DO THAT AGAIN, NOT EVEN IF KIYOHIME ASKS NICELY, WE SHALL NEVER REPEAT THE EVENTS OF YESTERDAY AGAIN.

29. "Look what I found" is a sentence that I am never allowed to speak when I am holding something bigger than my head or smaller than my hands.

30. Turns out that breaking my own arm is not the best way to get Nightingale to calm down. Never thought Merlin would be wrong.

31. "Sure you can touch my Excalibur" is not the best way to differentiate between Arturia's Excalibur and my own when someone asks to hold it.

31a. "But mine is bigger" is not a good response when Arturia talks about how easy her seals are to remove from her Noble Phantasm, nor is it alright to use when talking about when how she made Mordred.

32. Stealing Gilgamesh's potion of youth and putting it in the Soup that EVERYONE ended up eating is the easiest way to have myself barred from missions for a week.

33. Just because people are afraid of it, doesn't mean you should hug it. Not even if Merlin says to.

34. Just because someone stole your food, does not mean you should "Call in a favor" and have Elizabeth sing until someone gives up who stole it

34a. Update: The above applies to Nero as well.

35. Just because I have an innate fear of the Lancer version of my female counterpart, does not mean I can steal her horse and run away because of that fear.

36. Making King Hassan say "Omae wa mou shindeiru" is not allowed, especially if you reply with "I'm already dead" just to mess with him.

37. You are fond of Mordred, we understand. But please stop teasing her. Calling her cute will be her death - KotR

38. We understand that being locked in a single room with Nobunaga can be hard, but saying it was like prison is not fair.

38a. Quoting an abridged anime is not allowed, especially if it has "Sluts" and "Prison" in the same sentence, we still don't know where you got that swim team outfit.

38b. Making a mini Excalibur and saying "Blade of Promised Prison Riots! SHANKCALIBUR" is not allowed at all, Edmond almost had a heart attack.

38c. It is noted that the Arthur and Nobunaga were almost forced to kiss, but utilizing time manipulation to see Romani's death and threaten him with "Spoilers" is not allowed.

39. Just because Merlin asked, does not mean you should dress up as a "Cutesy Idol" and perform a song with a voice changer on in front of a camera for his "Magi*Mari" stream, Romani has yet to heal from that wound.

40. Looking Mordred in the eye and saying "Mordred, I am your father" is not allowed, especially when you have her surrounded by all the versions of her "Father", even the ones that just look like "Him".

41. "I solomly swear I am up to no good" is not what you say while standing behind the Director in the Lost Room, she died once already, we don't need her worrying about what you will do.

41a. "Remember that time you became a Loli" is not to be said around Olga Marie after what happened after she was... Killed.

42. Quoting Kamina from Gurren Lagann is banned, especially after everyone believed you were actually erased from the throne. Only to find you a month later taking off an invisibilty cloak and sneaking into the mens bathrooms to shave.

43. Anime is fun to watch, but please. Stop trying to explain why a certain character would be within the Throne of Heroes.

43a. Stop. Asking. When. I. Will. Summon. ISSEI HYOUDOU! -Gudao

43b. BOOSTED GEAR SCALE MAIL! -Arthur

43c. BOOSTO? -Siegfried

44. Valentines is a wonderful thing, we get it. But making everyone in Chaldea chocolate by going around and hunting in various areas is not needed, we have too much already.

45. Stop Rickrolling, that was so early 2000s, get with the golden times old man -Kintoki

45a. EX-

46. Commenting on the impractical armors of the female knights that walk around is not needed, we have gotten complaints about how they feel harassed -Staff Member

46a. I just wanted to help out... -Arthur

47. I am not to sing anything ever again, the reason isn't because I am bad, no. Everyone agrees I am quite good. But its the genre I sing coupled with my Charisma rank. Seems love songs should not be sung. How sad.

48. Just because I have cat ears, does not mean you should give me Catnip - Atalanta

48a. The same was repeated for Alter.

48b. Along with Tamamo Berserker.

49. "Merlin told me to do it" is no longer an excuse that is accepted, even if he did make you do it.

50. LITERALLY ALL THE THINGS ON THIS LIST ARE BECAUSE OF MERLIN, STOP LISTENING TO HIM.

51. I'm only responsible for a quarter of these, stop blaming me for your troubles, Normies -Merlin

Kiyohime asks Arthur what to do to catch Gudao's attention. Arthur tells her to turn into his most cherished person. She turns into Gudako and tries to force Gudao into sex.

#fgo #fate grand order #fgo fanwork #fate/grand order #arthur pendragon #fate arthur pendragon #proto arthur #prototype arthur pendragon #fate prototype #f/go

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hold-me-sickfics · 4 years

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14 Days: Taehyung

Hi guys! I’m really happy to be able to post this (somehow my internet came back, and I decided to post while I have it). I hope this is alright, I had a hard time writing it because I’m back home for the weekend and it’s hard to find somewhere quiet lol. I hope you guys like it!

TW: Food, Emeto, Nightmares, Slight anxiety attacks, Bruises are mentioned, (If there are any more, let me know and I’ll add them in!)

Note: Also, I wanna give some major credit to @thatoneemokpop-02 for all their help with ideas and getting me started. I kid you not, I was entirely blank earlier and in a few texts with them, they had me ready to write! Please go check out their writing, because they’re so kind and amazing and not to mention, they have some of the most well-developed fics I have ever seen. Especially their “You’re my Yellow” fic. I love it!!! <3

Prompt: “What they don’t know, won’t hurt them.” That’s Taehyung’s thought process when it comes to the other members. For the past several weeks, Taehyung has been having relatively frequent nightmares. Only these nightmares aren’t just “bad dreams.” No, they have him waking up gasping for breath, tending to an anxious stomach, and really whatever else bad can happen with nightmares. At first, he had a nightmare every week, but now it’s gotten to the point of every other night. Lack of sleep is catching up with Taehyung, causing him to really need some extra love from the other members. The only thing is, he’s too embarrassed and afraid to talk about them. Luckily for Taehyung, one of the members happens to find out on their own…

“Ladies and gentlemen, BTS!” The host gestured to the boys who were currently walking on stage.

Once the crowd quieted, the host began talking about BTS’ most recent accomplishments and asking questions to each of the members. As usual, Namjoon translated for them… mostly. BigHit had made a huge deal over them learning English and at least answering one question without Namjoon having to translate. Something about boosting their American support? The boys thought this was rather strange, considering their fans didn’t seem to care whether they spoke in Korean or not, but they did what they were told.

Taehyung watched and listened as the other boys answered their questions in perfect English, and the crowd squealed after every word they spoke. Then, it was his turn.

“Taehyung, let’s talk a little about you. A lot of fans, including myself, were absolutely stunned at your Singularity performance. How did you feel about the song? Any favorite parts in the choreography?”

Taehyung couldn’t breathe. He knew he was supposed to answer in English, but he couldn’t remember the words. Not even the first one.

He said his answer in Korean, hoping Namjoon would cover for him. Namjoon just gave him a look, seemingly saying “I’m not helping. Say what you’ve gotta say.”

Taehyung felt his blood run cold. Everyone was staring and starting to gasp… the cameraman looked worried as to whether or not to shut off the cameras and the members… they were looking at him… disappointed and somewhat angry…

Taehyung woke up unable to catch his breath. He was sweating all over, and not to mention trembling. His vision was blurry with tears.

This wasn’t the first time this had happened. He’d had a nightmare every night since Saturday (which was when their manager told them they’d be doing an English interview soon), and it was Wednesday now. He’d thought about telling the others, but he turned the idea down. He felt too embarrassed about not knowing as much English as they did, and he also knew they were exhausted and he wanted to make sure they got sleep. Or at least, as much as they could get. The boys already weren’t getting home until 11:45 every night, so when Taehyung actually could come home and go to sleep, he’d usually wake up around 2:00 with the nightmare, and wouldn’t be able to go back to sleep after that. Part of this was because of his anxious stomach.

Speaking of which, Taehyung was now frantically pushing his covers off, and covering his mouth. He knew he had about 10 seconds before his late-night dinner would reappear. Luckily, he made it to the bathroom in time, and was able to kneel in front of the toilet. His knees had hit the tile hard, but he figured a couple bruises wouldn’t be as bad as having his dinner projected across the floor.

No sooner than his hands were gripping the sides of the bowl, was his dinner coming up and to the back of his throat. In one retch, he’d brought up a small stream. Followed by another, and another. Taehyung’s stomach was killing him, since he was so sore from having thrown up so much.

After what felt like an eternity, it was over. Taehyung rested his head on the rim of the toilet, and reached up with a sweaty hand to flush it.

Shakily, he stood up and looked himself in the mirror. He washed his face and brushed his teeth, then went back to his bed.

He walked slowly so he wouldn’t jostle his stomach.

Taehyung got into his bed, and pulled the covers up over himself. The warmth felt nice, being as his sweaty skin had felt like ice in the bathroom earlier. He decided to follow his normal routine after this kind of stuff happened…

“Siri, open LanguageGuru.” He whispered, his throat still sore from all the acid.

The app opened, and Taehyung spent the next two hours working on his English. Somehow, he’d gotten lucky, and at 4:30, he’d fallen back asleep. However, since they had to be up and out of the house by 6:00, he had to wake back up at 5:15.

When 5:15 came, he jolted awake, and went to the bathroom to puke again. It had just become part of the routine by now. He threw on a t-shirt and sweats, brushed his teeth, and combed his hair. Each action made his core hurt. Putting on deodorant was one of the worst parts, being as he had to put his arm up and then use his other one to put it on. Every motion felt like his insides had just been squeezed and beaten. By 5:30, he was able to head to the kitchen.

Jungkook just happened to come out of his room at the same time.

“Morning Taehyung!” Jungkook was awake… somehow.

“Morning Kook.” Taehyung’s voice was at a mere croak.

“Woah, hold on are you okay?” Jungkook gently took Taehyung’s wrist to get him to turn and look at him.

“I’m good. Just tired.” Taehyung hoped he’d believe it.

“Yeah, I don’t know about that. Tired is what Yoongi looks like right now… you look sick.” Despite popular belief, Jungkook was actually following in Jin’s footsteps as a lead caregiver for the group.

The maknae pressed the back of his hand to Taehyung’s cheek.

“You don’t have a fever… what else is wrong?”

“Nothing Kook, like I said, I’m just sorta out of it since I didn’t get much sleep.” Taehyung still allowed Jungkook to hold his wrist since for some reason, JK’s touch comforted him.

“I don’t think so.” Jungkook moved his hand from Taehyung’s wrist to Taehyung’s back. He rubbed up and down, and watched as Taehyung leaned into the touch.

“We’ve got dance practice this morning, but if you feel sick, tell me. I’ll get Namjoon hyung to let you come home. Alright?” The concern in JK’s eyes was shining.

“Thanks Kookie.” Taehyung smiled slightly, and then continued walking to the kitchen.

Jin was already rolling with cooking.

“Okay guys, we’ve got 20 minutes till we’ve gotta be in the car. I’ve made toast, and there’s bacon if you can get it away from Namjoon. Taehyung, Jungkook, what do you want to drink?” Jin was pouring “on the go” cups for each of the boys.

“Orange juice. Thanks Hyung.” Jungkook looked over at Taehyung.

“Coffee please.” Taehyung’s bags under his eyes seemed to be deeper and darker than everyone else’s.

Jungkook didn’t approve of Taehyung’s choice, being as coffee in the morning always upset his stomach, but he allowed it, hoping that it would at least make Taehyung feel less exhausted.

By the time everyone had eaten, it was time to load up and head to the studio.

The car ride was torture. Taehyung had developed a mean headache, and felt like he was gonna throw up at the first stop sign.

Jungkook had sat in the seat next to him, since he still wasn’t convinced that Taehyung was as “alright” as he said he was.

They were almost 15 minutes from BigHit when Taehyung’s stomach finally revolted. Before he even had a chance to ask for a bag, coffee and chewed up bacon and toast was spilling down his legs. Jungkook was quick to put a bag under his chin for the next round, but it didn’t come. That first one and a mean wave of post-vomiting nausea was enough for him.

Taehyung cried, and Jungkook just held him. Jungkook knew he was sick now, and he could prove it. Before he could even tell Namjoon, the leader had already stood up and looked back at them.

“Oh no,” the concern in his eyes was evident. “It’s okay Taehyung, we’ll be at BigHit in a minute and we can get you cleaned up. Jungkook, can you help him get to the showers?”

“Yeah Hyung, I’ve got him.” Jungkook was wiping the leftover vomit from Taehyung’s chin.

“Taehyung, bud, I’m sorry you feel bad.” Jin spoke up, as he came back from the front. He’d brought a water bottle out of the cooler and a paper towel.

Jungkook helped Taehyung sip the water, and Jin dabbed the sweat from the younger’s face.

“Hey, this is Namjoon…” he went on to tell their choreographer what had happened. (It was always a big deal when one of them threw up. That could mean they were catching a virus, and since their trainer worked with other groups as well, he had to be strict about that kind of thing. It was the same way a few months ago when Namjoon came down with the flu.)

A faint noise told Taehyung that they’d been given the rest of the day off, which they were all more happy about than anything.

Then, they got a second phone call.

“Oh hey um-“ Namjoon wasn’t even able to get a word in. Judging by his expression, whoever was on the other end was yelling- a lot.

“Alright. We’ll be there soon.” Namjoon hung up, and then turned to the group.

“That was the head choreographer.”

Jungkook was still holding Taehyung close. He never was one to let a little throw up bother him.

“He’s still bringing us in. Taehyung… I’m so sorry. He’s letting you take a half-hour to clean up but then you’re supposed to join us…” Namjoon knew they weren’t his own orders, but he still felt like the bad guy having to say it.

“I-I’m okay hyung.” Taehyung shivered mid-sentence. “It was just the c-coffee. My stomach didn’t like it. I’m okay.”

How he looked said otherwise, and Jungkook piped up to mention that.

“Hyung isn’t there anything we can do? We’re all exhausted but Taehyung looks like he’s gonna collapse the second he gets off.”

“I’m sorry guys… he sounded serious… I’d talk to him but it seems the only thing he’s gonna do is make practice worse if we keep bugging him.”

The car stopped, and all of the boys stood up. Hoseok had his earbuds in before, but now that he’d taken them out, Yoongi was quick to get him out of the car and explain to Hoseok what was happening before he saw it. Hoseok’s sympathy sickness was not gonna help the situation at all.

Jin and Namjoon got off as well, followed by Jimin who was headed inside to find some clothes for Taehyung to change into when he got out of the shower.

“Taehyungie, can you stand?” Jungkook sweetly placed his hand on Taehyung’s upper back.

“Yeah I’m alright.”

Taehyung stood up, and Jungkook came right behind him. Luckily, the showers were on the first floor to the left, so Jungkook and Taehyung got there quickly.

Taehyung undressed himself, and then stepped into the shower. The hot water helped to soothe his sore muscles. He used the time in the shower to calm down, and try to refocus on his main mission for the day. Staying awake.

“Hey Taehyung, I’ve got your towel out here and Jimin brought clothes and a toothbrush. I’m out here when you’re ready.”

Taehyung knew what that meant. They’d been called back, and Taehyung’s time for showering was over.

He stepped out of the shower, and Jungkook handed him the towel. He got dressed quickly, and he and JK went to the studio.

By the time they got to the studio, the choreographer had already left, and the rest of the boys were already being led by Hoseok in the routines.

“Woah woah, pause it.” Hoseok waved the music off, and everyone stopped for a moment.

“Feeling better Taehyung?” Hoseok asked, walking toward the two.

“Yeah. The coffee just got me a little. I’m alright now.”

“Okay but if you need to stop just tell me. Joon, can you hit play again?”

Namjoon hit “play” and they started practice up again. Jungkook kept a close eye on Taehyung throughout the day, wanting to make sure that he really was alright.

Rehearsal lasted until 8:30 p.m. When it was over, the boys loaded up and headed back to the apartment.

“I’m making supper for anyone that wants it.” Jin got the chicken nuggets out of the refrigerator, and started to put them in the fryer.

“I think I’m gonna go ahead and turn in.” Taehyung both dreaded sleep and longed for it. H knew he’d end up having a nightmare anyway, so he might as well get some sleep while he could.

“Alright, night Taehyungie.” All the boys said their goodnights, except Jungkook who went with him back there.

“You going to sleep early too Kookie?” Taehyung asked, his eyes already heavy.

“Yeah… hey um if you need me tonight, wake me up okay?” Jungkook gave Taehyung a tight hug.

“I will Kookie. Don’t worry. Just get some rest.”

The boys said goodnight, and Taehyung was asleep almost instantly.

---

2:00 rolled around quickly, and as usual, Taehyung woke up unable to catch his breath. He was crying, terrified once again of forgetting how to speak in their upcoming interview. He felt sweat coating his skin, and he was almost at the part where he pukes, then someone came in.

“Tae Tae, it’s okay. It’s alright. I’m here. Breathe.” Jungkook was at his side, holding him tightly. Taehyung didn’t know how he got there, but he was glad to see him.

“J-Jungkook?”

“It’s me. Taehyung, you’re shaking…” Jungkook’s eyes widened.

Taehyung felt the bile rise in his throat, and he quickly went around Jungkook and ran to the bathroom. Once again, he crashed down, and vomit spilled out of him.

Jungkook came up behind him, holding his middle.

“Just get it up Taehyung. It’s alright. I’m here with you.”

The vomiting part didn’t last as long as usual, and Taehyung attributed that to Jungkook being there. Soon, they were back in Taehyung’s room. Jungkook decided to sleep with Taehyung in case he had another nightmare, but they couldn’t sleep until Taehyung told Jungkook what had him so upset.

“It’s that interview on the 25th. I’m- I’m afraid I won’t be able to speak correctly… or at all.”

Jungkook’s eyes filled with compassion.

“How come you didn’t say anything?” Jungkook rubbed Taehyung’s arm.

“I felt embarrassed about not knowing as much as you guys, and I didn’t want anyone to be worried about me since none of us are getting any sleep anyway…”

Jungkook took Taehyung’s hand, and gently squeezed it.

“First of all, I’m so sorry you’ve been dealing with this by yourself. I know it must have been scary. But now you’ve got me and everyone else. The truth is, all of us have been nervous about the interview. Or at least, I know I have. But that’s a good thing because it means maybe we can help each other.”

“What do you mean?”

“Well, I’ve been studying pretty hard, and I know you have too… so maybe we can study together! Then if one of us has trouble in the interview, the other once can step in and help them out.” Jungkook smiled.

Taehyung liked the idea, and agreed.

“Good. We start tomorrow.”

After that, both boys went to sleep and thankfully, slept through the night.

For the next couple weeks, they worked hard together on learning English. Namjoon got them some extra time by firing their old choreographer and hiring one that gave them more time between rehearsals so they wouldn’t burn themselves out.

By the time the interview came, Taehyung and Jungkook both aced it. Including the part where Taehyung introduced himself.

“My name is V, and I’m good boy.”

#RPF #Emeto #Nightmares #14DayFics #Taehyung!Sickfics #Caretaker!JK #TW Food #Hoping to post JK tomorrow!#Slight Anxiety Attacks #Bruises mentioned

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snapitseventeen · 4 years

Text

horanghae | ksy | fluff, crack

anon: ok since u asked for it... kd but a vlive scenario where fans started asking about soonyoung's relationship with u like how you guys started, facts and all that then you'd just get in the shot just to argue your side of the story and all... sorry if it's confusing 👉👈 it's alright if you think it's too much just wanted to see more of your works 💟

ofc baby 😙 and you weren’t confusing at all hehe, i love kwon soonyoung ugh making this made me smile big u-fucking-wus

summary: you see a notification in your phone pop up that your boyfriend was hosting a vlive, of course like the supportive partner you are, you decided to click and watch it.

side note, idols dating is ~normal~ in this oneshot because I said so

genre: fluff, crack

word count: 1.9k _______________________________________________________

Your POV

You yawned, mindlessly paying attention to the cup of coffee that you were currently brewing in the kitchen. A ping from your phone caught your attention, a notification on V-Live that your boyfriend was streaming. Immediately, you clicked on the app, letting the live load and play in the background while you did your morning routine and got ready.

“Hello Carats~”

You smiled as your boyfriend’s glowing face showed up on screen. With the way his hair was hidden by his hat, you could tell that the boys just finished practice for their recent comeback. You were actually on your way to go see him, after you woke up a little bit more of course.

Although you had to admit, it was hard productively getting ready when you kept watching your boyfriend on screen and listen to him chat. Somehow—after 30 minutes—you were in your car and driving to your boyfriend’s company building. __________

“Any funny episodes during filming?” Soonyoung read aloud one of the comments. He hummed, thinking to himself, “Filming Coups hyung’s car scene was really funny for some reason, I don’t know. It’s one of those, you had to have been there moments. His acting was just...wow, you all thought so too, right?”

Soonyoung scrolled through more comments and chattered off, eyes darting to the time and back to the camera every once in a while. He was debating whether he should text you to see if you’ve woken up, you were like a rock when it came to sleep.

How’s y/n, Hoshi oppa?

The boy smiled at the mention of you in one of the comments, “y/n’s doing good, we’re supposed to go on a date later, but I don’t know if they’re awake yet,”

As if a switch went off, the comments went crazy asking about you and about your relationship. Soonyoung beamed, his mouth running like a motor as he chattered about you. “How long have me and y/n been dating? About a year now if I remember correctly-hey of course I know our anniversary, c’mon Carats, what do you take me for?”

Soonyoung whined as an influx of comments started clowning him, “When was our first kiss, hmm what are you guys thinking? It was after our first win for Fear, we invited y/n over for our dinner celebration and I was so hyped up on adrenaline, I just grabbed y/n’s face and kissed em. They had the cutest look of surprise, I’ll never forget it. I’m so manly right?”

“y/n was literally so red, what are you talking about hyung?” Mingyu scoffed from the side, but off camera. He and Wonwoo were on the other side of the room working on lyrics for a new song, when Soonyoung came in and started his live. “You embarrassed the life out of ‘em.”

“That’s why it was unforgettable,” Soonyoung winked waving off to the two rappers who were snickering. “How did you and y/n meet? Ah! I actually met y/n through Seungkwan, it’s a bit crazy—eh not that crazy,” he laughed, “y/n’s one of Seungkwan’s friends from Jeju and they came to one of our concerts during the Diamond Edge tour. Seungkwan-ie introduced us to y/n afterwards and what can I say? it was love at first sight.”

“Eyy don’t lie,” Wonwoo said. The dancer gave him a slight grimace, “we all know y/n was totally crushing on Jun when we first met-”

“Hey! This is my v-live!” Soonyoung whined as Wonwoo approached his set-up. He put his arm around Soonyoung’s shoulders as he waved to the camera, “We tease Hoshi and y/n about it all the time, Hoshi was so obvious about his interest in y/n though, he somehow convinced ‘em to fall for him”

“What do you mean convinced?” Soonyoung said shocked hitting his friend’s arm, “y/n was totally into me too! They were the first one to confess—stop interrupting my live, go back to writing!”

Wonwoo laughed as he went back to his work, leaving Soonyoung alone in the frame. The boy went back to talking with the fans and answering questions, “How did the members react when we first started dating? The guys were clapping when I told them-”

“It’s because they were literally pining over each other for a year!”

“We were really busy! I didn’t know if I had time to commit to a relationship. But you know, I’m glad I took the risk. And after y/n confessed, I just knew I had to cuff,” He smiled, “and it honestly isn’t that bad, we see each other pretty often, especially during breaks. The hardest part is when we go on tours, I miss y/n basically as soon as we leave and we’re apart for at least months.”

You walked into the room mere moments later, a frown on your face as you approached your boyfriend, “Hey! Stop telling the fans that I confessed to you first, you liar!”

The three boys emerged in laughter at your comment as Soonyoung pulled a chair over and grabbed your hand, motioning for you to take a seat. You pointed a finger to the camera, “Don’t listen to Hoshi, everyone. He’s the one that confessed to me first, he was crying too-”

“I was not crying! I was sweating because of practice,” The boy said defensively as he put his arm around your chair, “Okay fine, I confessed to y/n first. Did I ever tell you what pushed me into confessing?”

You shook your head, turning to face him. He let out a small smile at the memory, “Jihoon-ah Woozi-was the one that sort of made me realize that I should tell you. I was in a bit of a slump at the time, with choreographing and everything. My mind was just a mess and I had a bad day in the recording studio. He literally starting yelling at me and saying, just man up and tell y/n that you like them! He also said a bunch of other stuff but I’m censoring it,” He teased, “We talked about it for two hours.”

“I should thank Jihoon-ie then,” You chuckled squeezing his cheeks together with one of your hands. “You were pretty stressed at that time, Soon.”

“Yeah, but after we got together, all my inspiration came back.” He grinned quickly pecking your cheek. You smiled, your cheeks heating up at his words.

“Ah you guys are so cute, it’s gross.” Wonwoo called from the side making you both laugh. Soonyoung started reading through the comments again, chatting easily with the fans. “Mm babe, there’s a question for you—what’s it like dating Hoshi oppa?”

You hummed, crossing your arms together as if in deep thought, “Dating Hoshi oppa? It’s never boring, especially with all his members around. Soonyoung’s a great boyfriend, he always knows how to make me smile, even if I’ve had a rough day. He never lets me go to sleep without telling me that he’s thinking of me. Yeah...he’s sweet, I wouldn’t ask for anyone else—even if he’s annoying sometimes.”

The boy scrunched his face at your ending, poking your side in retaliation, making you jolt in surprise. You hit his chest playfully, whining that you were ticklish. Soonyoung grinned, saying a quick apology, before putting his arm around you again. “Alright answer one more question and then we’re going to say goodbye so we can eat some food.”

You nodded, your eyes trained on the flood of comments passing through the screen. “y/n, what’s your favorite thing about Hoshi oppa?”

“Hey, I didn’t see that one-”

“It was there babe, trust me.” He said cheekily as he squeezed your waist. You gave your boyfriend a look of disbelief, but answered regardless, “Hm, there’s a lot, but my favorite thing would have to be his eyes. When you look into Soonyoung’s eyes, you can see everything. His passion, energy, mischief, love, everything. It’s easy to get lost in.”

“It’s that tiger gaze,” He said proudly, making you scoff. “Soon, you ruined the mood!”

“Babe, did I lie?” Soonyoung asked making you roll your eyes. He smiled sweetly pulling you in for a hug, “Say it once y/n, please?”

“No,” you said, immediately knowing what he was asking you to do. He whined, shaking your body childishly, “C’mon, the fans want to hear it, do it for Carats if not for me.”

You grimaced at him, rubbing your temples as you sighed, “horanghae.”

Your boyfriend smiled in victory, cooing his catchphrase before you both said your goodbyes and ended the live. Soonyoung grinned, giving you a proper kiss hello. “I missed you,”

“I missed you too,” You said softly, leaning into his embrace. He hummed, nuzzling his face into your hair, finding comfort in your scent. “You guys saw each other two days ago.”

“Being a bitter single is an ugly color, Wonwoo.” You quipped jokingly as you both stood and approached the two rappers to give them greeting hugs. The four of you exchanged some light conversation before you and Soonyoung bid your goodbyes, “Where do you want to go eat, Soon? Japanese?”

“You know me so well, babe.” He said fondly, kissing the back of your hand. “Let me take a shower first? I’m still gross from practice.”

You nodded as you started your car, already driving in the direction of your apartment. The ride back was content, both of you loudly singing along to whatever was playing on the radio. You complained at Soonyoung every now and then, his hand that was on your thigh moving too much that you were afraid he would accidentally hit the wheel and cause your car to swerve. He only smiled, daringly leaning over to press a kiss on your cheek whenever you scolded him. “Hm, you’re in a good mood baby, practice went well?”

He nodded excitedly, “Our last run throughs went perfectly, I can’t wait for you and the fans to see it on stage, well...on the television.”

You chuckled and brought his hand up to your lips, smooching the back of it cutely, “I’m sure it’s going to be great as always, you work so hard all the time Soon-ie, I’m proud of you.”

Your boyfriend smiled squeezing your hand, the rest of the ride to your apartment in good spirits. You waited patiently as Soonyoung went to take a shower, scrolling through your social media feed as you sat comfortably on your couch. Too caught up in watching a funny tik tok, you barely registered Soonyoung taking a seat next to you, wrapping his arms around your waist as he buried his face in your neck.

Now refreshed, he smelled of citrus and flowers, the scent pleasantly filling your nose. You grinned and cuddled into him, sharing the view of your phone so that you two watched the tik toks together. “Are you hungry Soon-ie? We can still make it to the Japanese place for the lunch special.”

He nodded, kissing the side of your neck, “In a minute, let me hold you for a little longer.”

“Hey,” You said after a beat of silence. You poked his side, laughing as he jolted up in surprise, “don’t you lie to your fans about our relationship again, huh? it was a two way street!”

“I know,” He giggled, pecking your cheek, “You’re just so cute when you’re worked up.”

“Mean, you confessed to me first! I’m going to talk shit about you with Jihoon if you do it again,” You threatened lightly, the boy only hugging you tighter. “He’ll gladly talk shit with you anyway, but yes babe. I confessed to you first, I was way in love with you first, hm you happy?”

“Well...” You said quietly, “I’m equally in love with you now.”

“I know,” Soonyoung hummed, “I love you too y/n. Let’s eat?”

You nodded with a smile, getting up and reaching your hand out to pull him off the couch, “Let’s eat.” ______________________________________

a/n I’m sorry this was so late bb! I flew home from Florida and I literally just kept pushing this off but I hope you like this little oneshot w our fav furry uwu <3

7-23-20

#our favorite furry agenda #kwon soonyoung #request #horanghae uwu #soonyoung #hoshi #soonyoung fluff #soonyoung fic #soonyoung au #hoshi fluff #hoshi scenarios #hoshi au #soonyoung scenarios #seventeen #seventeen au #seventeen scenarios #seventeen fluff #svt

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