Rewatching On the Head of a Pin
Welcome to “Shockingly Little Soft Shoe: A Supernatural Rewatch Blog” with Lor and Mace!
Up today, s4e16: On the Head of a Pin
“Castiel and Uriel want Dean to help them get info out of Alastair using the, um, very special skills he learned during his residency Downstairs. But the phrase “This hurts me more than it hurts you” has maybe never been more truthful, and Dean is clearly shook by the experience. Also, Alastair manages to escape the demon trap and Smarty Cas figures out it was Uriel who let him. All is fraught in the world of angels and boys.”
Below is a log of our real-time reactions as we watched. Remember that there may be spoilers for any part of SPN’s 15-season run here. Note also that the nature of our conversation is adult and thus it may contain adult language and themes.
[and we begin:]
Lor:
my god look at him
Mace:
so young
Lor:
all stern and hair and coat flapping and striding
Lor:
YES
Mace:
YES
Lor:
the burnt wing thing is SO COOL
Mace:
it really is
Lor:
oooo Sam is driving
Mace:
yeah that’s weird
Lor:
yeah
Lor:
"I'm tired of burying friends, Sam" oh hon
Mace:
“get angry"
Lor:
"we just got back from needed"
Mace:
he’s so done
Mace:
“good times"
Lor:
he really is
Lor:
and the look on Cas's face
Mace:
he’s so cute when he’s pissed
Lor:
omg Uriel giving Cas the "don't coddle them" look
Mace:
and Cas pursing his lips
Lor:
yep he's not about it
Lor:
he wants to coddle the short one so bad
Mace:
snork I love that he’s the short one at, what, over 6 ft?
Lor:
YES
Lor:
ooooof this whole storyline the asking Dean to torture the demon who taught him to torture I just
Mace:
oh Sammy is pissed too
Lor:
YES
Mace:
yeah it’s a great story line
Lor:
"this is too much to ask, I know, but we have to ask it"
Mace:
yeah
Lor:
the dynamic between them is just chef's kiss
Mace:
yeah, give them some privacy pls
Lor:
BACK OFF URIEL
Lor:
uriel's the funniest angel in the garrison lolololololol
Mace:
SNORK
Lor:
"i've been told we need it" I love how he puts it that it's not HIM that wants it
Lor:
"I would give anything not to have you do this"
Mace:
ooof
Lor:
and Dean's watery eyes
Mace:
yep
Mace:
this dude is so gross
Lor:
right?
Lor:
he's so good at the part
Mace:
too good. it’s gross
Lor:
Sam looks very nice in that shirt
Mace:
he really really does
Mace:
oh Sammy, I adore you, you know that, but you don’t have it in you. Dean… does.
Lor:
John only lasted that long because his heart was already a stone
Lor:
yeah
Lor:
that's kind of the problem, Sammy
Lor:
THAT'S why he's not right since he came back
Mace:
“Daddy’s little girl”
Mace:
I LOVE IT
Lor:
YES
Mace:
he needs a cutoff T with that on it
Lor:
YES HE DOES
Mace:
and Cas needs one that just says Daddy
Lor:
OMG YESYESYES
Mace:
this super shouldn’t be so hot
Lor:
eh
Mace:
yes, Dean LET’S GET STARTED
Lor:
oooof Cas's FACE
Lor:
HOW do people think these two don't love each other
Mace:
they’re dummies
Lor:
spells are in Latin but ending spells is in English?
Mace:
pls don’t get me started
Lor:
I mean
Lor:
I would not be above getting you started
Mace:
i know this, Lor
Mace:
oh Sam
Lor:
weak. he should be drinking it straight from her neck
Mace:
you sweet tall dipshit
Lor:
come on, boy, if yer gonna do it, do it
Lor:
LOLOLOL
Lor:
YES
Lor:
no no Alistair. there may be no going back, but Cas is building him into something so much better
Mace:
besides, he’s more interesting with the torture competence and the being tortured by the torture competence
Mace:
exponentially hotter
Lor:
DEFINITELY
Mace:
“went to receive revelation” = “having a poop"
Lor:
OMG that look on his face when he holds his jaw SO HOT
Lor:
HAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Lor:
YES
Lor:
oh Cas. lean into your doubt, baby
Mace:
oh honey, Chuck is a dick
Lor:
right?
Mace:
oh, we’re calling it doubt now? See, I thought it was Gay Feelings for Dean Dean
Lor:
I do love that the emphasis here is on what the torture does to the torturer. like it's obvious that you shouldn't torture people because of what it does to the victim of the torture. putting the emphasis on how it harms the person doing it is so much more interesting
Lor:
HAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Lor:
I think it's both
Mace:
yeah
Lor:
(I feel like there's an understood but maybe needs to be said "in fiction" here)
Mace:
(nah)
Lor:
(oh good)
Lor:
oh Dean
Lor:
is the hardest part of this for him learning that he was responsible for breaking the first seal or that he was a righteous man?
Lor:
OMG the quivering lip. the twitch in the jaw. HOW does Jensen DO that?
Mace:
How much of it, I wonder, is Moral Law that the torturer is damaged and how much is actually that the damage is self-inflicted, in the sense that Dean thinks he shouldn’t like it, Mr. Black and White no Grey (at this point in the show, at least)
Lor:
ooooo interesting
Mace:
oh look, he’s actually showing damage here - maybe because he believes he deserves this?
Mace:
oooh and look, Cas has no qualms about twisting that knife
Mace:
that in itself is pretty darn hot
Lor:
I am FASCINATED by this question. has Alaistair hurt him in a way that we can see or is he ABLE to because Dean thinks he deserves it?
Lor:
YES
Mace:
I mean, I think that’s the best/most interesting interpretation of the whole idea of Hell: it only exists for those who believe they deserve it
Lor:
and what, exactly, is the differentce between using Dean's torture knowledge he learned from a demon and Sam doing it because he's jumped up on demon blood?
Lor:
so it doesn't exist for turdburgers who think they're okay?
Lor:
hmmm
Mace:
Yes! Sam believes in his ‘cause’ and so isn’t at all tortured by what he’s doing. And as much as I love him, Dean’s anguish is better/more complex.
Lor:
like, I don't think it exists as a literal place, but I have always kind of thought of hell as the twisting up you do to yourself by not being a good human
Mace:
I don’t really think there’s anyone who’s actually that simpleminded
Lor:
the turdburgers bit?
Lor:
oh Cas
Mace:
so for you that version exists.
Mace:
yep
Mace:
aw, he had a good poop
Lor:
the way he loses his faith is so heartbreaking even though it is the thing that lets him become who he authentically is
Lor:
HAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Lor:
I mean one does often feel more clear minded after a nice movement
Mace:
exactly
Lor:
Cas looks so LITTLE and LOST
Lor:
take that boy and run away with him and find a nice place to live together, Cas
Mace:
lost faith tends to do that
Lor:
yeah
Mace:
yes, Cas, do that
Mace:
“I’m considering disobedience” THAT IS SO HOT
Lor:
YES IT IS
Mace:
he’s aiming to misbehave
Lor:
and the fact that it MEANS something to him makes it even HOTTER
Lor:
YAAAAAAS
Mace:
now, fuck off, Anna
Lor:
"please tell me what to do" oh hon
Lor:
yep, think for yourself
Mace:
oh, I’ll tell you what to do, sugarwings
Lor:
yeah, Anna, get lost. and don't ever touch Dean or Cas again
Lor:
YAAAAAAS
Lor:
GOD LOOK AT HIM
Mace:
YES
Lor:
Uriel you lying piece of shit
Mace:
yep
Lor:
I mean. it probably was forever, Cas
Mace:
HA
Lor:
nah. it's the blade
Mace:
angel blades don’t kill angels. angels kill angels.
Lor:
LOL
Lor:
careful Uriel. that's Lucifer talk there
Lor:
also, have you met Cas? shittalking humanity is not the way to get him on your side
Mace:
HA
Mace:
Uriel would be so cool as Luci
Lor:
oh. Uriel knows he's Lucifering. I had forgotten that piece
Lor:
he WOULD
Lor:
I'm cool with Uriel exiting stage left but I wish they had either cast this actor as someone who stuck around or found a way to bring him back
Mace:
yeah
Lor:
(shockingly this is true of many of the Black actors on this show)
Mace:
(NOOOO. I’M SHOOK.)
Lor:
omg his little bloody face
Mace:
YES
Mace:
everyone’s getting torn up today
Lor:
YEP
Lor:
on SPN blood is either silly or HOT
Mace:
yep
Lor:
he goes to sit with him I cannot
Mace:
YES
Lor:
"you need to be more careful" "you need to learn to manage a damn devil's trap" MARRIED
Mace:
AND ANNA IS BANISHÈD
Mace:
YEP
Lor:
"it is not blame that falls on you, Dean. it's fate" OOOOOOOF
Mace:
now THAT’S an excellent debate
Mace:
Oedipal like, and all
Lor:
the one who starts it has to stop it. the CIRCLE of it all kicks feets in stupid symbolism glee
Lor:
YES
Mace:
“then you guys are screwed” oh HONEY
Lor:
"I can't do it, Cas. It's too big" and his VOICE
Lor:
THIS MAN SHOULD HAVE AN EMMY
Mace:
he really should
Lor:
"I guess I'm not the man either of our dads wanted me to be"
Mace:
“either of our dads” oh jesusfuckingchrist that’s good
Lor:
WELL THEY WERE BOTH ASSHOLES, DEAN
Lor:
RIGHT?
Lor:
ooooof that is AN EPISODE
Mace:
CRIPES
Lor:
I feel like you could do a whole semester-long course on THIS ep. the symbolism! the family dynamics! the weird-ass Christianity
Lor:
hello, this is interdisciplinary shit 101. our text is one (1) episode of Supernatural
Mace:
snork
Lor:
how not to do Latin
Lor:
Blood-born diseases and how they make you able to smish demons
Lor:
the possibilities are endless
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Bello Licentiae Chapter 7: Try Their Hardest to Make People Happy
Summary:
tw: switching (DID), falling from high up, torture mention, blackmail mention
'text' JSL
Text thoughts
Akira rested their head against the counter as they waited for their meds to kick in, the blender grating against their pounding headache. A torturous minute later, they poured their smoothie and wheeled back to the closest table. Little more to the left— no, not that far. Back, right, scoot. Akira reangled themself a few times, bumping into the cabinets as they got used to how much space their wheelchair took up and how to make smaller adjustments on the fly. They could use the touchpad, but... they'd eventually need to operate it without electronics one way or another.
They pulled up the video Dabi had sent them late the previous night of Twice walking through how he currently used his quirk and how he learned to do it. I should have half an hour before Katsuki comes down .
Akira raised an eyebrow at Twice casually leaning, posing in a rumpled light blue suit and his costume mask. "Your first step is to know yourself!" he started with a flourish.
"That's important for anyone, but especially with Stranger quirks. I don't remember much from when I was a singlet, but I'm pretty sure making clones made shadows back then."
A what? Akira had never heard the term before but dismissed it as the video continued.
From behind the camera, Dabi drawled, "They know about their quirk shadows, Double Trouble."
"Right! But what most people don't pay attention to is how their shadow feels. When you activate your quirk, you should feel a tug from one or more body parts. Pay special attention to that, and once you have a clone..." Twice gestured to a clone of Dabi as it finished. "reach into that shadow and tug that part. For me, it's the big vein in my wrists!" he flourished his wrists to the camera and poked one of the veins.
"You probably have one focal point for your quirk, so focus on that. My clones get less durable the further down the hierarchy they are, so whatever limits your first-gen clones have, their clones may experience that exponentially," Twice continued. "The focal point for a quirk varies from person to person. Like Dabi's comes from his skin!"
Akira's curiosity piqued as he rambled about the differences between quirk activations he felt in the clones of other people. He went on for several minutes, even complaining about Kurogiri never letting them get measurements before Dabi finally interjected. "As interested as they'll be in all that, was there anything else you wanted to cover?"
"Right!" Twice straightened his coat and added in a more serious tone, "Remember not to clone yourself too much too fast. It can be very draining, and we don't want a repeat of our first squad mission. If you get sensory input from them, that can also get overwhelming if you have too many active before you're ready. It's real easy for us Strangers to lose ourselves." With a thumbs up from him, the video ended.
What was that about? Akira mused. After a moment, they shrugged off his odd behavior. Every member of the League had their own quirks and coping mechanisms. Easily distracted with a flair hardly stood out.
A few minutes later, the elevator chimed, and Akira waved as they finished their smoothie. Katsuki paused with a frown before heading to the kitchen while Kirishima rushed over. "Mori, are you okay? I haven't seen-"
' I'm fine, ' Akira interrupted with an eye roll. ' Bad pain day. Stress doesn't help, and it's going to rain later. '
Kirishima frowned, knitting his brow. "Shouldn't you tell Aizawa-sensei? I'm sure he'd let you off training if you need the day."
Akira shook their head, ' Need to get used to the wheelchair – uh, this – anyways. Nothing fancy yet, just the basics right now. '
"Isn't Ingenium getting something fancy?" Katsuki called from the kitchen.
Akira nodded excitedly and pulled up the article on their phone. ' They made the announcement over the weekend. Ingenium's using a wheelchair most of the time right now, but he's looking to start patrolling once he completes physical therapy with a... ' Akira thought for a moment before fingerspelling ' neuroprosthetic exoskeleton. '
"Wait, you don't know something in JSL?" Kirishima asked with a light smile.
Akira chuckled and lightly shoved his arm, ' Medical terms are different, Red Hot. ' They briefly froze, but Kirishima moved on, easily chatting about the ultimate move he was working on called Red Riot Unbreakable. It didn't take long for Katsuki to shove a water bottle in his hand and practically drag his boyfriend out the door.
As they waited for the rest of Mad Banquet, Akira mused that Ingenium probably wouldn't be active as much or as soon as most seemed to think. Even if the exoskeleton was something he wanted and not something the commission was pushing on him, it wouldn't be a miracle cure.
"Are you sure you'll be alright practicing your quirk?" Ectoplasm asked as Akira locked their wheels.
' Of course, ' they snapped, having heard that question over a dozen times that morning. ' Being in a wheelchair means I can devote more energy to training instead of staying upright today. '
Cementoss raised the pillar at their nod, and Akira transferred onto the sitting ledge before warping back into their wheelchair. They spent the first couple hours trying to use their heart as a focal point but only succeeded in stuttering the clones' heartbeats with stronger tugs. Potentially useful in some situations, but not what they were intending.
Finally, they reset another clone and tugged its collarbone. Just as they realized they went with the same intensity they ended the previous test at, a new, slightly smaller shadow appeared as the clone dispelled. Akira startled and wheeled forward a bit to look over the edge.
"Mori!" Aizawa called out as his capture weapon closed around a falling clone, dispelling it.
Akira blinked down at their teacher a moment then broke out in a grin. They turned their wheelchair around a little awkwardly to face Ectoplasm's clone so the original could interpret. ' Sorry! I used a little too much force, but it worked! If you see me falling off the pillar, it's a clone. '
With a temporary upper bound, Akira started testing the distances associated with weaker tugs. Occasionally a clone or two warped off the pillar, the teachers jolting forward slightly. After the first few times, Akira started using a clone to sign ' distance test ' to Ectoplasm's clone before pulling harder. After a couple hours, they took a break to make notes on their improvements and theories on new applications.
CRAAACK ! A low rumble rippled through the air, pulling Akira from their musings.
"Hey, look out!"
Akira sharply twisted in their wheelchair at Katsuki's shout and rapidly warped their clones around All Might. They rushed him, pulling him out of the way as Midoriya lept into the path of the chunk of concrete. He shattered the rubble with a sweep of his leg. Akira still had their clones help maneuver All Might as Aizawa's capture weapon pulled him further away from the now much smaller pieces of falling concrete. A small smile flitted across their face at his breakthrough.
Akira startled as they looked back to the first clone, which was now deteriorating like when they hadn't eaten. Wait... Akira slipped on their crutches and warped to ground level, curiously examining their clones as they noticed they were deteriorating at rates based on hierarchy like Twice had mentioned.
"Mori, are you alright?" Aizawa asked.
Fac , Akira sharply thought to activate their coms. A smooth baritone voice with a slight gravel to the tone came through the speaker on their costume. "Yes, clones draw higher lee, so I'll monitor." After a moment, they corrected more slowly, "hierarchically."
"Good, just don't lose track and let us know if you need to break for lunch early," Aizawa said.
With a nod, Akira sharply thought, Siste . Still getting the hang of giving the commands without directing the software to dictate them, Akira did a double take before warping as they noticed the confused but bemused expression on Cementoss' face. They locked their wheels and had their clone sign to lower the pillar.
Over the next few minutes, Akira confirmed the different rates of deterioration and jotted down a few theories and calculations to test. They also noted that they were only experiencing the burn rate for the one primary clone active and didn't seem to be affected by that clone having multiple clones of itself. The shadows in their mind decreased a couple inches in height the further down the hierarchical chain they were, so Akira also made a note to test motor function and visual abnormalities between the levels. Similar to when they went invisible, Akira noticed they could still see invisible clones, although they were somewhat distorted.
Once the last clone disappeared a few minutes before the usual 10-minute limit, Akira jotted down confirmation of the deterioration rates and signed for the pillar to be re-established. They spent the last hour of training before lunch establishing baselines for the first three levels of clones and exploring the slightly shifted control thread for the clones of clones.
"I like your generated voice," Hitoshi said as Mad Banquet settled into lunch. "I don't think I've heard you use it before."
Akira nodded as their mouth thinned into a firm line, ' I've only had it for a couple days, so I have a good month or so between taking lessons and training in my free time before it's fully calibrated. '
"I'm sure you'll get it eventually," Koji softly encouraged. He gave a shrike a few crumbs, and at a series of chirps, his eyes widened. "Uh, I think Aoyama wants to talk with you?"
Akira startled and looked around a moment before catching Aoyama's eyes. They distractedly signed, ' Not that, frustrated at the need for it at all. ' At his pointed glance towards Aizawa, Akira nodded and signed, ' He asked for my help broaching a topic with sensei. This might take a while. '
Akira carefully made their way around groups of students to where Aoyama was fidgeting with his cape against the wall. Aizawa stood up a little straighter as he had been subtly tracking them with his eyes. They signed to Aoyama, ' Do you want to talk with him now or later? '
Aoyama's sparkles briefly faded before flickering back around his head. His smile became more strained as he quietly said, "I'll lose the nerve if we wait."
Akira nodded and signed to keep talking for a few minutes as they waited for the students and other teachers to lose interest in their discussion. Aizawa seemed to take the cue and slowly drifted away from the teachers. Apart from his eyes, Aoyama settled into his familiar role of vibrant star. To the others, Akira imagined he looked to be bragging about his increased laser distance and strength, but from up close they could see his smile become more strained and his fingers fidget whenever they weren't moving.
Akira gave Aizawa a small nod as he leaned beside the entrance. Just in case anyone was watching, Akira signed, ' I think sensei wants to speak with us. ' They wheeled to the door, closely flanked by Aoyama as a few students turned their way, but upon seeing who they were heading towards, all but Shoto went back to their conversations. He fortunately didn't say anything but looked intrigued.
"Where would you be most comfortable talking?" Aizawa drawled once they were out of earshot of the gym. At Aoyama's hesitance, he added, "my office, the classroom, your room, a conference room..."
"Your office," Aoyama blurted as his sparkles quickly faded now that the group was away from their class.
As they settled into Aizawa's office, the teacher said, "Since you're coming to me with Mori, I take it you're not willingly working with the League. I understand if you're uncomfortable sharing all the details, but I do need a few questions answered before we determine next steps."
Aoyama nodded hesitantly, eyes drifting to the side as Aizawa raised an eyebrow. "Oui, I understand."
"Are you and your family safe?"
Aoyama looked up in surprise and shook his head. "They know where we live."
Aizawa nodded and made a note in the shorthand Akira was all too familiar with from watching him fill out reports in the evenings and early mornings. "How long have you been working for the League?"
Aoyama frowned slightly, brows drawing together. "I'm afraid that's more complicated. I..." his breath picked up as he stared past the wall for a few moments before taking a sharp breath. His fingers dug into the arms of the chair in a death grip as he haltingly continued, "All for One gave me a quirk when I was seven and told me of his plan for me to get into U.A. when I was twelve. I wasn't aware of the League's existence and didn't have contact with them until I received the acceptance letter."
"How did you find All for One?" Aizawa asked, carefully keeping the tension in his grip and eyes out of his voice.
"There was a rumor among Quirkless that there was a man who could give you a quirk," Aoyama said as he began drifting again. He winced before whispering, "I couldn't take it anymore. It was that or..."
Akira nodded in understanding as Aizawa's expression flickered with sadness and a hint of anger. They gently placed a hand on his wrist and started rubbing circles with their thumb. Aoyama flinched but started to refocus as he relaxed marginally under the touch.
A few hours later, Aizawa had a plan in place to keep Aoyama and his parents safe while Akira managed the fallout in the League. Akira smoothly reassured the kid that they were completely fine with the arrangement and had been expecting his withdrawal since they learned of his involvement.
With only a half hour left of training, Akira signed, 'Sparkles, you go ahead. I need to talk with sensei for a moment.' After he hesitantly left, they turned their phone so Aizawa could see the message from Dabi. 'Knife Dancer plans to impersonate someone at the Provisional License Exam. She can't mimic quirks, so it'll be someone whose quirk isn't flashy or physical.'
Notes:
I recognize Twice's clones have full autonomy, but he must get some sensory input from them based on the communication and awareness he has of when a clone goes down, so... huh, minor Thinker effect I guess. I'm still classifying him as Stranger/Master (third classifications in this fic are reserved for Nomu), so we'll say the sensory input is just part of Master control.
Reminder: not everyone with a disability wants a cure. The exoskeleton is something currently in the works for people who've had a stroke, but it's a tool just like other mobility aids. I plan to touch on this a little more in Libertias aut Mortis, but it's a little difficult for a background character
They're using Raine Whispers' voice from The Owl House
I've had a lot of fun figuring out where gaps naturally occur when thinking even with purpose. I basically ran through the lines of dialogue my head while paying loose attention to where syllables dropped or sounded like something else
Me: why won't google tell me which form of actus is a verb??
Latin-is-simple: 5 of its 12 forms are just actus
Me: ...oh that's why
*several minutes later*
Me: Godamnit it's just a noun.
Latin nerd friend: I thought 12 was weirdly small for a verb
Me: *facedesk*
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