#and the post turned out longer

[reginrokkr]

𝐂𝐋𝐈. Coming up next is the last part of the trilogy of posts of Requiem of the Echoing Depths, a very emotional quest in too many levels to describe. To check the previous parts, you can go here: ✦ ✧

✦ After their brief encounters, there is no doubt that Halfdan, within what little self-awareness he must've left (and even with that little Dain would say it's a miracle), recognized Dain and wanted to help with his investigation to have a clearer understanding of what's been boiling down in the Nameless City by showing him a bigger hilichurl campo. However, since yesterday when I paused at this point of the quest it occurred to me that there could be another option —which isn't inconciliable with the former and can coexist with it perfectly fine— and it is the fact that he wanted to seize this opportunity he had of seeing his captain once again after so much time to show him the result of his work.

Thinking about what will come to pass later when Halfdan chastizes himself for failing to follow Dain's words and the latter telling him that he's proud of what he and the other men did, I think it carries another layer of meaning that even if some hilichurls have already passed and Halfdan wanted to honor their death by bringing something to them that is reminiscent of home (a bouquet of Inteyvats), he did everything he could and in seeing this alongside understanding that the Black Serpent Knights were protecting the hilichurls all this time, Dain was prompted to give recognition for his hard work so he could pass away in peace.

✧ ◜Trying to remove it [the curse] by force will achieve nothing but inflict further suffering. So you are clear in your mind. You have to tell yourself: They are no longer human. If you cling to false hope and allow yourself to become too emotionally invested, the only way is down... You will end up just like them, mired in hypocrisy. Save your strength for something worth saving.◞

For some reason, similarly as when he talked about the curse and said that no one understands it like he does, this once again feels like out of experience. Firstly as if he had to convince himself that neither the hilichurls or those who are part of the Abyss Order are no longer humans and that this could be easily a reason to lose sight of what's important, which for one is that the Abyss Order seeks to destroy all the nations under the Seven and the people with it. This alongside another matter I'll touch later is a clear expression of hypocrisy in bringing ruin to other innocent ones like many of Khaenri'ah were. And secondly, about Lumine as the one who went down this path out of her sense of guilt for being unable to do anything when the destruction at the hands of the gods happened (I won't expand more on this as it'll have its moment in Caribert).

Lastly, while his last line may sound harsh and as if implying that for example the hilichurls aren't worth saving, I don't think he says it out of malice. But because 500 years after, they have already established their lives, got used to this new way of living in their own tribes down to choosing how they want to meet their end. It's not that they aren't worth saving as much as choosing for them when most likely they have already chosen. And this can apply to the Black Serpent Knights too, who still choose to protect the hilichurls as is, no matter the form they take— they're still the people they once protected in Khaenri'ah (looking at it in retrospective, it reminds me a bit of Nahida's second story quest and the lack of importance the shape one takes has). This will be touched again a bit later.

✦ One of the things I adore about Dain and that it's seen so rarely is that he doesn't mind following his own path without Aether and that actually, he could do all these things he does on his own. As painful as it might be, because as he states in Shenhe's miscellany, he doesn't relish the solitary life he has and even he knows the heartache of the Adepti which includes the poison of solitude.

✧ [...] ◜The Abyss' actions here directly dishonor he final wishes of Halfdan and my other compatriots. I cannot allow this to proceed.◞

This here is one of the reasons of weight why I always differentiate between the deeds of those who are obsessed (Abyss Order-aligned even before the Cataclysm) and those who highly likely wouldn't want to take part in any of this, before and now. In what concerns this part of the story specifically, and the second reason why the Abyss Order has fallen into hypocrisy is for deciding on other's behalf in a similar fashion as the Heavenly Principles do with everyone that is under them (so far sans the sovereigns, as Neuvi claims that he's unaffected) through the fate system.

✦ ◜Am I too late...? Must they also be in agony as they meet their end?◞

I can't describe how heartbreaking it must've been to Dain to think that he's late to save his people... again, after being unable to do anything for anyone back when the destruction of Khaenri'ah happened. As for the second line as per in CN (thank you to the lovely @jueying for telling me about this), it has so much strength that he says that they're in agony because he can feel it— in that moment, he was in agony too. As he kept saying one time after another before this scene, cleansing the curse by force would only bring more suffering and this is where the Abyss Order fails x2: not only in deciding for the hilichurls and Black Serpent Knights, but for making them suffer (and who knows if they made plans to stay away from that place so that they wouldn't be affected by this if its influence is only in that area as I think it is, which would make it worse as it would seem like they're using those who are around as experiments to see if later they can use it on themselves or not).

✧ Lastly but not any less important, Halfdan's sacrifice to protect the hilichurls, his other compatriots Black Serpent Knights who he's been working hand in hand to protect them, Dain and his act of kindness to honor their deaths. It's touching to see that Dain's recognition and vocalized pride on him and the rest of the Black Serpent Knights made Halfdan happy, maybe a tad embarrassed too as Dain is still his superior.

And his question, if Khaenri'ah didn't fall since Dain is still there. I think that this has a double interpretation: in a literal sense or a more metaphysical one, alluding that since Dain is still there, the spirit of Khaenri'ah didn't fall into complete oblivion nor fell completely. Personally, I like the thought that Khaenri'ah lives through Dain as Halfdan would imply if this is exactly what he meant, which once again clashes with the Abyss Order's ways even though a significant part of them must be of Khaenri'ah, too. Whatever values Khaenri'ah had that have nothing to do with these obsessions, Irmin and Gold's deeds are carried by Dain.

There is also the notion that Dain lied to him if what Halfdan meant is the former interpretation to make him feel better, which might be questionably less or more noble of him to do and I'm keeping that in mind. However the case, I think that even if Halfdan meant the first interpretation, souls are said to still have sentience even in the "afterlife" as implied in Tsurumi Island. And that they have the capacity to visit people in their dreams. So whatever the interpretation of Halfdan's question may be, one way or another there are chances that he knew what was happening before his sacrifice or after, as it seems that his soul was released from the darkness of his physical body, corroded by the curse and the Abyss separately yet intimately connected with one another.

✦ Bonus: ◜More than one kind of strange power exists here. Souls are no strange sight under such circumstances. Still, if you intend to venture deeper in and continue your investigation, you ought to be careful.◞

Dain, mr. Sir. Just how is your sentience in order to feel the Abyss and the sapphire nail despite how much deeper underground and farther than the Nameless City's location was? And this comes from the perspective that he was never in the Chasm before.

✧ Bonus #2: ◜"Vacation"? Huh, the very notion. This word has no business being in my vocabulary.◞

[lulu-draws-stuff]

How does that sound?

[hinamie]

so just know, I'm healing / even though it don't feel like it

insp

[pummelingbat]

Persecution Complex, or: "Just You, Me, And The Weight Of Your Dead Girlfriend Between Us"

[shimmershy]

*But it wasn't funny.

Chara Week Day 3: Laughter

[Image Description: An Undertale comic that takes place in the True Lab. Panel 1: Frisk and Chara stand side-by-side, looking at something off-screen to the right. Frisk looks scared and is hugging themself while holding a stick. Chara, a ghost, is translucent and has a similar look of distress on their face. Panel 2: The amalgamate that resembles Snowdrake stands at the opposite end of the room, saying "Sn...o...wy..." Panel 3: A close up of Frisk's face. There are tears in their eyes. They hold their stick in front of themself as they open their mouth to speak, but Chara cuts them off with a laugh from off-screen. Panel 4: Chara holds a hand up to their face, smiling with their eyebrows knit together. They say, "...hehe. You laugh, and keep laughing." Panel 5: Chara is laughing in the foreground, hovering with their knees curled up to their chest and their arms wrapped around themself. They say, "It's SO funny, you can't stop." Frisk is in the background glancing sideways at them with concern. Panel 6: A closeup of Chara's face on a black background. They're laughing even harder and covering their eyes with their hand as tears run down their face. They say, "Tears run down your face." Panel 7: Chara looks to the side at Frisk, hand still covering one side of their face and still smiling, but their laughter dies out. They say, "... What?" Panel 8: Chara floats on a black background, alone, beside Frisk's red soul. They ask, "You didn't do that?" /End ID]

[robinmage]

personally i think a super important part of jinshi and maoamos relationship (esp at the beginning of the series, though still true) is how they both have had really negative experiences regarding sexually/romantically-natured exchanges. maomao grew up in a brothel, shes seen probably every situation possible under the sun of women being abused, manipulated, lied to, and used for a mans personal benefit. and as such, the typical "sweep her off her feet with honeyed words and false promises" approach doesnt work on her at all, because shes already seen 101 different ways that can go wrong. subconsciously or not, she just instinctively knows that those 'fake'-like people cant be trusted.

jinshi, due to his characteristically beautiful face, has had no shortage of admirers during his time at the rear palace. women that invite him to their room in the evening, give him food with blood or hair or whatever in it, gifts him literal aphrodisiacs. hes willing to use his beauty to get what he wants (never unreasonably, though) but it becomes evident later that he certainly has some kind of complex about it. hes only 19(?) at the beginning of the series, and hes already been working in the rear palace for long enough to garner a strong reputation. the only people hes close to is gaoshun and MAYBE gyokuyou. to him, it probably seems like everyone else only cares about how pretty he is, and ignoring anything beyond that.

and so he meets maomao, who reacts to his advances not just coldly, but with obvious disdain. she sees RIGHT through his false flirty demeanour, and seems to be one of the only few people to do so. he doesnt expect that, and that interests him. not being attracted to his face is, in jinshis eyes, a key trait to have in order to work with him. he seeks maomaos counsel time and time again (bc he likes his new toy but also) because he trusts her to work WITH him, not FOR him; actually using her head to figure out what the best conclusion is, instead of just blindly following him and giving him whatever she thinks would make him happy with her.

after it becomes obvious to him that absolutely none of his advances will work on maomao, he really tones it down and they enter what i call their "bonding stage", which is mostly just dealing with situations around the inner and outer court together. thats where the foundation of their relationship really starts to grow; jinshi values maomao for her intellect and straightforward attitude, and maomao values jinshi for being a genuinely kind and hardworking person. they start to hold each other in higher esteem because they actually see each others real selves, and likewise appreciate that finally someone can see them beyond that metaphorical impersonal veil.

[hiddencarpet]

It took me like 6 years but i Finally drew this old idea of mine.

"What if Dante and Vergil were born as grubs and changed their forms to human-like only with time?"

[futuristicson]

I will leave my mark.

[perlukafarinn]

Okay so I have a few experts I need to share from the story "Surprise!" by Nichelle Nichols, published in The New Voyages II in 1978.

It's about the crew throwing Kirk a surprise party, and Spock running around trying to keep Kirk from finding out (at Uhura's request), and it is bonkers. Kirk and Spock flirt so much, both with each other and also with Uhura (get it, girl!). Let's just get into it...

Talking about birthday spankings on the second page of the story. Nichelle is not messing around.

Then a couple of pages later, Kirk is teasingly asking Spock to tuck him in and Spock actually teases him back and then Kirk has to back down because he's not sure Spock wouldn't follow through.

Afterwards, Spock is all "phew, resisted that temptation" and talking about how his Vulcan decorum is "none too secure" when it comes to Kirk and this was published in 1978.

And then.... oh boy, I have to include this entire page and a half. I have to!

(Scott's eyes "did not even widen" what fresh gay hell is this)

I do not wanna know what mental gymnastics Spock performed to go from "must distract Kirk" to picking him up and carrying him around but I'm sure it was all very logical.

(Also, "Kirk whispered silkenly"? Nichelle actually writes Kirk as not only very flirty in this story but kind of seductive in an almost demure sort of way. I'm very into it)

Then later, Uhura is in Spock's cabin for plot related reasons, while Kirk is in the shared bathroom showering. And then for whatever reason

Kirk enters Spock's cabin in nothing but a towel, still dripping wet from his shower. Is this a common occurrence????

Next is my favorite bit (aside from Spock's completely necessary and flawlessly logical decision to pick Kirk up and carry him around like his newlywed bride, of course)

Kirk and Spock are in Spock's cabin and Kirk thinks he hears something in the next room. It's Uhura and co, but since Kirk isn't supposed to know about the surprise party juuust yet, Spock goes full gaslight, gatekeep, girlboss on his ass

Spock knows exactly which buttons to push to most effectively distract Kirk. Kirk's actually blushing and I am going insane

(1978!!!)

That is a direct reference to Amok Time. Nichelle Nichols, you beautiful genius.

But we're not quite done!

I just. I can't get over how obvious this is. Kirk is blushing and bashfully looking at Spock over the rim of his glass and flirting like there's no tomorrow. Insane. Insane!

In short, thank you, Nichelle Nichols for your service and thank you @1shirt2shirtredshirtdeadshirt for bringing this story to my attention.

[justcallme-ange]

Hello Hello! Long time no see, hope everyone’s been doing well!

Sorry for the unintentional hiatus - I moved to a new place beginning of the month and have been unpacking, setting up, and settling in.

<.<; Turns out doing so does take up a lot of time and energy, and art and AUs have been on the back burner (where they kind of stalled into a small art block OTL.) I still have ideas and plans for the future but have been working on getting back into the art groove. I have a bunch of almost finished stuff, that I just need a little kick to finally complete.

^^ I’m very happy to see that new AUs and fics have popped up recently as well as a few of my fav fics being updated - so stay tuned for some fanart of those coming in the future.

So yeah small life update - I promise I didn’t fall out of the fandom, just working around adulting and being in a new place. (QAQ I finally have free time)

[kimdokjas]

wait wait, what’s the change tumblr did to the reblog chains ? 🥲🥲🥲 I’m so lost

okay so basically, let's say you see a post on your dash

before the update, if you clicked on a url, you could do 3 things:

view that specific reblog on the blog you follow (A)

view the previous reblog on the blog A reblogged it from (B)

view the original post on op's blog (C)

however, staff recently implemented an update where clicking on a url no longer takes you to that specific post. now, clicking on a url just takes you to the blog itself.

this means that you now get 5 things:

view ONLY that specific reblog on the blog you follow (A) -> changed location near header. also, you will now ONLY see that post and nothing else

view ONLY the original post on op's blog (C) -> changed location near header. you will only see that post and nothing else. and ONLY if the op hasn't deleted it, otherwise it just shows an error

view the blog of the person you follow (D)

view the blog of the person D reblogged it from (F) -> option B no longer exists

view the blog of the op (E)

you might be thinking: "cool! i get more options so that's good, right?" well, no.

there are SEVERAL things wrong with this and it goes beyond the prev tags issue

1) first of all, it's counterintuitive that A and C changed locations to the area near the header, especially if your userbase was already used to the previous functions. it just seems like horrible UX design to me but let's put that aside for now.

2) as you can see, option B which allowed you to see the previous reblog of a post no longer exists.

now, if you click on the previous url, you will just be taken to their entire blog. you can no longer view the post itself.

someone asked staff about this, and they replied in this post that the change was INTENTIONAL and if you want to view the previous reblog you would have to "go through the notes view".

to borrow what someone else said:

basically, this update just killed the prev tags culture in one fell swoop.

(sure, you can still use it to reply directly to the person you're reblogging from, but it's now literally useless to use "prev tags" for everyone else involved. sure, you can choose to copy tags or peer review them, but again, if people will have to copy them then the less people are likely to use them, and not every prev lends itself to peer-reviewing imo)

now, listen. i know not everyone likes the prev tags culture, but it just seems like such a poorly-thought decision to kill a culture that like... half of your entire userbase uses (see this poll as a quick reference) and that's UNIQUE to your site and sets you apart from other social media.

but it's also not even just prev tags. let's say you want to remove an annoying addition on a post's reblog chain? you can no longer do that.

however, i feel like this is the most important point:

regardless of how you may feel about the prev tags culture, the pure UI aspect of it should remain

what i mean by this is: even if you don't like prev tags, simply 1) being able to access the reblog chain, and 2) clicking on a post and actually have it take you to their BLOG (and not just a page with that one single post) is literally essential navigation.

this update threatens to drive down user engagement (which is already critically low) by making it harder to navigate. which is actually another point:

3) even if you click on A and C now to view those specific posts, it's NOT the same as it used to be.

before, you could view the reblog directly on the blog. so you could just scroll down and see the other posts leading up to it. now, you will be taken to a page where you will ONLY see that post and nothing else.

but also, you can no longer easily navigate other people's blogs.

you know how sometimes you would see like 50 notifications of someone going through an entire tag on your blog? that's going to happen a lot less, i'm afraid.

let's suppose you want to go to op's blog because they're an artist and you want to see more of their art. so you click on C and see that the tag they use for posts with their art is "#my art"

cool! before, you could just click on that tag and immediately view ALL of their art as long as the posts have that tag.

but now, if you click on that tag, it will take you to the ENTIRE tumblr tag with literally all the posts that everyone in the history of time has tagged with that specific tag.

now, to do the same thing that just took 2 clicks before, you would have to: click on C to view the post -> look for the tag you want to navigate -> click E to view their whole blog -> scroll and look for a post that just so happens to have that tag (the search function is literally useless) and hope to god that there's a recent one or you'll have to scroll for ages or simply give up -> if you happen to find it, click on that tag to navigate their posts.

you see how this is counterproductive, right? you see how this can literally drive down engagement with content creators, right?

if you make people's blogs harder to navigate, you will literally drive down the number of likes and reblogs on their posts, which have already been steadily declining for years now.

4) options D and E to view the blogs and not the posts are literally useless because you could already access other people's blogs before. you just had to click on their url to view their blogs starting from that specific post AND you could choose to just refresh it to view their newest posts.

either way, the change just seems completely unnecessary. and again, it's not just about the prev tags culture but about basic UI.

so what can we do about it?

i normally don't advocate for flooding staff with messages but i do feel like this is one of the worst updates staff has ever done (and that's saying something) and something needs to change.

even if they don't retcon the entire update, that's fine, but staff could at least add the option to view the reblog chain as a different feature (maybe even opt-in) for example. there are better ways to go about this than just axing an entire existing feature.

also, this same issue that makes it harder to navigate blogs needs to change. i feel like content creators will be especially affected by this unless this changes because you can no longer easily navigate their tags, so it will inevitably drive down engagement.

so please, contact staff and let them know we want a change.

you can contact support here!

here's a template for a possible message you could send, but feel free to edit it. (under category you can choose "Feedback")

Hi, I would like to politely request a change to the recent update that affects the reblog chain of posts. Regardless of the "prev tags" culture itself, the UI aspect of being able to view the reblog chain of a post is essential for navigation on this website. Even adding it as a separate, opt-in feature would be a huge help. Additionally, clicking on a post and then on one of the tags now takes you to the entire tumblr tag instead of the tag on that blog, which makes it harder to navigate blogs. Both of these issues have the potential to drive down user engagement by actively making it harder to navigate Tumblr, but especially for content creators. I hope you can do something to address these issues as soon as possible. Thanks in advance and have a nice day.

also, if you can and/or want, reblogs are appreciated to help spread the word!

that's pretty much the gist of the issue from what i've seen, but if anyone else has anything to add or a different way we could contact staff to make ourselves heard, please feel free to let me know!

TLDR: it's not just about prev tags, this update affects basic functionality and content creators as well

Update Sept 07, 2024: this issue was "fixed" a few months back, although with some caveats / downgrades. You can check out this post for how to view the reblog chain, but all the other issues addressed in this post still remain.

[kagooleo]

here's a finished belated bday comm for @wyvernity of their soulsilvershipping :D!!! I was honestly really happy with the turnout for the piece so I did go a lil ham on their faves (～￣▽￣)～

i've still got 2 commission slots open on my kofi for both chibi and sketch pieces if anyone is interested :V

[fan-of-chaos]

Forgiveness and kindness in the finale of Owl House

One of the things I loved about the finale was showing that forgiveness and kindness are good things, that they can change people for better and that keeping an open hand for somebody to grab on is a beautiful and sometimes very healing thing. That it can change so much to just keep an open heart and try giving people another chance. Try forgiving them.

Like Luz and Eda and King did with Collector. They choose to be kind to them, to reach out and to try showing them a better way even when they didn’t need to. When they had every reason to be mad at him. And it changed everything for the Collector, who was hurt so much by everybody in their life, who didn’t understand the reality of his actions. It made all the difference in the world for him that somebody was willing to listen. To try forgiving and offering kindness even thought they did so much damage to everyone.

But.

They also showed the reality of it. That sometimes it just doesn’t work. Sometimes the person that we turn our kindness and our forgiveness towards isn’t willing to accept it and isn’t willing to work to better themselves. Isn’t willing to look at themselves and realize that what they’re doing is wrong. That they made a mistake. That they hurt others. They aren’t willing to work towards the better future.

Just like Belos.

Belos who refused to change. Belos, who looked at the kid he used and discarded, who was now offering him a hand in forgiveness, offering him kindness he was just taught to give and decided to not give a fuck about it. Who decided to take that kindness and destroy it. Belos, who to the bitter end was unwilling to look at himself and see what sort of person, what sort of monster he became. Belos, who refused the hand reaching out to him again and again.

And thats the beautiful and painful reality of forgiveness and kindness. It doesn’t work every time. Sometimes it backfires, like it did when Collector offered it to Belos. Sometimes it gets you or people you care about hurt. Like it did with Luz. And for it to work the person on the receiving end has to be willing to accept it. To work towards the betterment, towards being a better person, towards not making the same mistakes.

Sometimes when you give a chance to people, they will disappoint you. They will take your kindness and throw it back at your face. But does this mean we shouldn’t offer second chances to people? Does it mean that we shouldn’t forgive or be kind?

No.

Because there is always a chance that it can save people, just like it did with Collector, just like it did with so many characters in the series like Amity, Lilith or even Hunter. Because there is just as many people who will take the hand you offered and it will mean the world to them. It will change everything for them.

And I think thats beautiful.

[fountainpenguin]

So in love with the Bdubs narrative...

"I stopped trusting Impulse, my secret girlfriend, ages ago because he's flirting with everyone, so it makes sense to side with the guy who's offering me a truce in the form of a clock."

"You can't kick me out of the base just because I'm on my red life. I built this place and I will simply not leave."

/neglects to mention he's still boogeyman when Tango brings him back. Like. why didn't you ride out the boogey curse until next episode and THEN ask to come back, you dummy (affectionate)

"It's fine to kill a teammate because he just set his spawn point in this room and all his stuff will be right here <3"

"Yeah I'll kill my fellow red ally because you promised me a life."

"Impulse, you would never kill me, right?" "... We're soulmates. We share hearts this season... Same team, Bdubs."

"When it was my turn to murder, I targeted the only guy who'd already died (a few minutes ago) because he was already on the way down emotionally; anyone else would have experienced an emotional roller coaster."

"It's okay that I stole from you a while back because NOW I'm coming with useful information. My morality is in the clear."

"I would turn on both my Day 1 allies so fast."

/crying over getting backstabbed, "What have I EVER done to SWEET IMPULSE??"

The entire rest of the episode snarking about how it's no fun to be backstabbed and Tango just "🙃 Thoughts and prayers, that must really suck. it must be the worst to get betrayed by someone you trusted. oh wow. oh man. who would do that? that's awful."

"I'm shooting my mom but it's just a prank."

"I won't defend you from Dad but I might try to stop you two from fighting."

All his allies like "I've just accepted the fact that I can't trust you while Etho's around because you'll betray me for him." / "Yeah, that's fair." They continue to let Bdubs stay in their base. He brags about how Etho lets him play pool in his basement and eat ice cream for breakfast. He would die for this man.

The fact that it's considered predictable that "of course Impulse gave you a clock again" so Cleo just sighs and asks to see it. Yeah of course Impulse clonked Bdubs on the head with that thing for another season, driving home I have not forgotten with every part of his being...

Nobody can trust this greasy little man and yet they adore him. He's just a sweetheart. Cinnamon roll. Everybody's angel. Haha he'll slam a sword through your stomach, loot your body, and walk off. He's never done anything wrong in his life btw.

I love the way Bdubs plays.

[shalotttower]

To Make a Home Out of Bones

Title: To Make a Home Out of Bones

Fandom: BTD2 (Boyfriend to Death 2)

Characters: Ren Hana x Reader (female)

Summary: You were free. Free for real, and you couldn't believe that, staring at the open door. And then, by some twisted scenario, decided to keep him. It's tragic, really.

Word count: 2300+

Notes: yandere!Ren Hana, captivity (past Reader and finally in present not Reader :D) Reader is sensible though and there's nothing crazy going on on her part apart from the captivity scenario, mostly tired vibes/attempts to process what happened, unhealthy coping mechanisms, past torture, past manipulation, possessiveness, past dubious consent, past non-con, Reader doesn't know about Strade.

You don't talk. You never talk nowadays and it feels almost liberating, not having to converse. Ren doesn't look as intimidating as he used to. Maybe it's because of the collar, or maybe it's because he doesn't wear that damned jacket anymore, the one which seems to change his whole being into something unhinged and cheerfully vicious whenever he puts it on.

Is this what he felt, watching you tied to a pole?

No, hardly.

There was a very tangible sense of power in your captivity.

You, however, don't feel powerful at all.

You feel like an old tree: splinters, rotten wood, and bark waiting for the storm to come and snap the trunk in the middle.

Freedom is strangely anticlimactic.

▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃

You don't know how long you've been here, stopped checking a wile ago because it didn't matter ─ to be dragged back from the basement on Wednesday or on Saturday. Days became a sequence of events, not dates, once you realized Ren planned to keep you indefinitely.

Have breakfast, tell him it was good. Do the laundry. Watch TV, let Ren cuddle up to you, ignore the presence of another in the same room. Smile every time he says something nice and expects to hear it back. Let your eyes glaze over during sex, try to remember what it felt like to have someone touch you without making you bleed. Wake up to a sleepy fox curled up on top of you. When Ren dreams his ears twitch.

It takes approximately five minutes for him to settle for sleep, tangled limbs and pointy nose buried in the crook of your neck, and he's surprisingly light for a grown man. With how tough Ren seems (or wants to), there's some sort of innate clinginess about him that contrasts so much with the image in your head: smiling through bloodied teeth while nailing your leg. At first you thought being nice was a way out of this, but kindness is a double-edged sword here: soon you realized how utterly you misjudged him ─ and how truly screwed you were.

Because Ren, while cooking you tasty meals for "being good" and letting you watch TV, likes kisses and hand-holding, and cute things. But Ren also likes the way you sob no less, and that's where the miscalculation happened. Being nice only guaranteed with some unsteady sense of security that he wouldn't kill you yet. That was all. He's sweet, snuggly, affectionate until he isn't, and no amount of good behavior or praise will stop him from breaking your fingers if he feels like it.

Your routine had been simple for months. Easy. Unbearable.

And now all the world which was limited to one single house for god knows how long expands again, but you don't really feel it, even after reaching the small front gate.

You could leave him there, you think. In the basement, and no one would ever know. Lose the key, never come back, just-

Not go back. And all of this will be behind you. You'll never have to see him again, never have to smile for him, never have to hear that shaky sound he makes when he cums, or witness his face turn from carefree to confused, and then to understanding, then to annoyed.

A death like this seems fitting for him. Cold concrete and silence; starvation is an awful, terrifying way to go. You noticed that Ren doesn't really like to be alone, and there's almost poetic justice in leaving him in the basement to slowly rot away.

Your fingers curl around the iron handle and with something akin to astonishment let go of it, then fall limply to your side. You're free, yet you stay rooted to the spot, because frankly speaking where does one go from here? Your rent must be long overdue, and your face is probably everywhere, plastered on missing person posters.

'Hey guys, I'm not missing anymore', you imagine saying to your co-workers, 'sorry for disappearing, I guess. Do you still need that Excel sheet done?'

Your employment contract had probably been terminated. The bank account should be fine, Ren took you right before the paycheck, and there's mom's house to crash at until everything goes back to normal, but that surely means cops getting involved, and lawyers, and media. Just the thought is exhausting.

'How did Mr Hana treat you? Were you intimate? Yes or no? Please, tell us more, miss. How do you feel? What about Mr Oleander, did you know him?'

The wind picks up, blowing leaves and ruffling your hair.

Ren will go to jail. Obviously — kidnapping and killing people equals prison time. The problem is that it doesn't bring you any kind of satisfaction. You don't want Ren here, but you also don't want him peacefully living his sentence while you pick up the pieces of your old life. There's no closure in that, but again...can there be any?

You sit down on the porch; cold wooden boards creak under your weight. Ren has a nice little suburban house.

What now? You have no fucking idea, just vague notions of an unclear future, and nothing substantial.

What now indeed.

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He fed you regularly, that's true; you stand at the basement door and watch him eat.

Ren allowed you free roaming within the house premises, an access to TV, books, hygiene products. Reading manga together felt almost domestic, yet...you keep him there. In the basement.

It's strange, seeing him like this, but he doesn't look surprised at the new turn of events, he looks almost resigned. A mirror of yourself in a sense, you think with a finger hovering over the button. Ren's ears are flattened, tail tucked between his legs, a submissive, harmless thing. You could let him out, allow him roam the house freely just the way he did. But you don't.

It sounds straight off foolish, and what's more important ─ scary. There're so many possibilities. That the remote won't work, that you'll be too slow to react, that he'll sneak into your room at night. Ren can be very quiet when he wants to. So you keep him there, and avoid him like plague unless necessary — feeding duty twice per day plus bathroom visits.

No chatter, minimal contact overall, but Ren starts talking anyways.

"You look tired," he says cautiously in between the bites.

He does it a lot, tries to gauge where you two stand every day or what's on your mind, and you suspect it's the result of past experiences, something that's hard to unlearn. Something connected with that body in the freezer. Upon finding it you initially assumed (not without a reason) that the corpse was his doing, but when Ren undressed before you for the first time, realized that it might not be entirely true.

The cuts, the burns, the marks and deep, jagged lines formed a familiar pattern. Someone had put a lot of time and effort into giving him those.

"I could make coffee. Or tea."

And that's another thing. He doesn't fight you, or attempt to lash out. Instead he makes those little offers here and there whenever you come down the stairs — dinner, help cleaning the dishes, washing clothes. He has been compliant and eager to please to the point of it being almost unnerving.

You don't reply, and that seems to bother him, judging by his expression. Understandable: silence is normally a bad omen, especially in situations such as this one.

"Are you going to-" he starts again, but you cut him off.

"Push the tray over."

Ren's ears twitch at the command and you briefly wonder if he expected something different to happen. The tray makes a metallic screech over the concrete floor, stopping right in front of your feet.

"Thank you," he says.

'Thank you for breakfast, thank you for lunch, thank you for dessert.' 'Thank you for the nail gun, thank you for holding my hand while I screamed, thank you for fucking me after.' You hate the words now, the way they used to roll off your tongue (thank you, Ren, thank you), because they never meant gratitude at all and felt bitter, like a moldy fruit.

Ren's eyes are trained on your face. There it is again: the strange uneasiness which settles in your chest whenever he stares with focus sharp enough to burn holes through flesh itself. His gaze travels lower to your arms exposed by rolled up hoodie sleeves. You had no clothes here except for cutsey underwear and pajamas which Ren insisted you wear, but those are long thrown away somewhere in the trash, so the only things available are his. There's also...other stuff you found in the locked bedroom on the second floor: cargo pants, combat boots, tank tops, all neatly folded. Far too big for you both.

"Is it mine?" Ren asks and leans forward.

"Is there a problem?" you ask back, then regret it.

Questions mean opening a door to unwanted dialogue. His cheeks turn a little pink.

"No. It looks good on you."

Your stomach churns in discomfort at the compliment and the carefully concealed delight Ren won't voice out loud, but drops indirectly from time to time. Not only this, but the familiarity, the implied "you're used to wearing my things by now" which, in essence, is true. It's either that or walking around naked. Ren must notice your reaction, because he quickly averts his eyes to the floor. Silence settles over the basement like a thick, heavy blanket of snow.

Stop feeding me with submissive bullshit, you want to say. I know what you'd do if not for the collar, I've seen it from the first row. Stop pretending to be harmless when we both know you aren't.

Ren fiddles with the hem of his shirt. The change is so drastic. He was a little scary at first when you met, then downright terrifying, and now...now he's just a whole another person.

You pick up the tray without a word and leave. Ren's ears droop once he realizes the conversation for today ended before it even started. But there will be tomorrow. And the next one after, and the next one, and the next one. He'll keep trying to talk, and you'll keep ignoring him until he finally stops.

You don't know what to do with him. You don't know what to do with yourself either.

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There's no distance wide or far enough to allow you proper sleep. You toss and turn under the covers despite exhaustion pulling at your eyelids and eventually settle for a late night movie or two. Ren's DVD collection is...well, to put it bluntly, weird for someone like him. Cheesy and romantic movies take around thirty percent of his library, while the remaining seventy is filled with horror flicks and anime. You go through the titles: Sailor Moon, Cardcaptor Sakura, Tokyo Mew Mew. Some of those you watched together, curled up on the sofa, others Ren had recommended enthusiastically whenever he caught your glances.

'It's really good! I think you'd like it.'

'This is my favorite.'

He remembered the details about each series, all the names, plot twists. A die-hard fan to the point you wondered why didn't he try cosplaying himself instead of dressing you up. He'd pass as some sort of a fox/cat character easily. Maybe he did cosplay before, who knows? It wouldn't surprise you.

The clock ticks 2 AM. Your mind goes back to the basement door and what lays behind it.

Ren knows that you sleep terribly. You know he does too ─ that's one more trait you two share except for the scars.

You click on the first episode of "Arcane Moon Whispers". The opening plays through the old speakers — happy, cheerful music; you wonder if he can hear it downstairs. The basement is soundproofed, but Ren has sharp hearing. It became clear early on, in the way his ears would twitch towards the noise of your footsteps when you still wore the collar.

The plot unfolds in front of your eyes: a magical team fighting evil with the power of friendship, love, and hope.

'They have an entire arc dedicated to time travel,' Ren explained while showing you the box sets, 'it gets a bit confusing halfway through but it's fun!'

It's been three weeks now. Three weeks since your freedom began and yet Ren lingers in your head as strongly as ever, like a ghost haunting your dreams and waking hours alike. It's frustrating to say the least: having him locked away yet seeing him everywhere — in the kitchen cabinets full of sweets he likes, in the bookshelf full of manga he read out loud sometimes until you couldn't bear it anymore and had to tune his voice out, and in the drawer you pull open every morning.

Ren is like a stain.

It makes you sick, actually. It makes your chest ache with something that feels dangerously close to guilt but can't be it. You're not guilty for what you've done, keeping him there is reasonable, understandable, and Ren...he deserves everything after what he put you through first.

You tried so hard to be nice to him.

You were nice.

But nice isn't enough when someone wants you hurt. Isn't enough to stop a knife. Nice is a useless commodity.

A few more episodes later you're still wide awake.

[livinginadumpster]

One thing I really like in Dead Boy Detectives is the use of blood/gore/horror. With a TV-MA rating, a show with horror themes is obviously going to have some blood and violence, and there are clear instances if this in DBD, but while it's definitely there, it's almost never gratuitous. That's because scenes like the Devlin murders or Maxine's death aren't really about those deaths, rather, they're about the characters' reactions to them and the way the story is shaped by them.

In the Devlin house, the camera focuses not on the girls being killed but on Edwin, Crystal, and particularly Charles reacting to their murders with horror, shock, and anger. The blood splatters in a meaningful way, rather than simply a horrifying one, over the TV and the popcorn and the younger daughter's stuffed rabbit, tarnishing the innocence of everything it touches. While the tragedy of the murders themselves are important, the main focus is Charles' reaction to them as a result if his own trauma. Showing the minutia of the killings would take away from that, so it simply isn't there.

Even Maxine's death, while definitely played off more for shock value than the Devlin murders, serves a purpose. Episode 5 focuses on the failure of romantic relationships, on betrayals from those you thought you could trust, and the Maxine subplot adds to that. It begs the question, who can you trust in this world? At the end of the episode, the answer we are given is your friends, your found family, because love will kill.

It seems to me that the blood in hell represents the guilt of those it touches - Simon's wounds heal when he forgives himself; Edwin loses the blood covering him after Charles turns up to rescue him (albeit by a horrifying cause); the people in the Lust room are drenched in blood and get it on Edwin when they try to drag him down. It's not just there to demonstrate the horrors of hell, but to brand its inhabitants.

There are lots of other examples. The blood when Niko dies is there obviously because that's what happens when you get stabbed, but also (in my opinion) as a visual callback to her saying that red is the color of courage. The cat king's bloody corpse and Monty's blood-splattered face show Esther's ruthlessness and disregard for anyone in her path. Lilith is covered in blood as a symbolic part of her character design. Everything serves a purpose, narratively or symbolically.

(The only example of gore that served no particular purpose that I can think of was in episode one when the WWI ghost drooled blood all over Charles' face, but it was the pilot episode and that whole scene was meant to be shocking, so it can be forgiven.)

Anyway, I really like the way they use blood in DBD, because it shows such a level of detail and care. I enjoy horror but not gore so much, and to me it's refreshing to see it used so tastefully and executed so well.