#and the sad parts make the humor more cathartic

[theorderofthetriad]

"it was too funny" is by far the weirdest criticism i've heard of a marvel movie- especially a Thor movie- yet.

[altocat]

What would you absolutely hate if they did in ever crisis with Sephiroth

Two major things:

1.) Retcon his assumed Shinra-raised childhood and try to pass it off as something more basic and conventional. I like sad lab rat Seph. It explains a lot of why he is the way he is. If they pull some bs of him coming fresh out of Midgar junior high like some typical average dude anime protagonist, I'm gonna pull my hair out. Sephiroth's presumed childhood was lonely and disturbing. I'd rather they keep it that way.

2.) Sephiroth killing simply because he's just an asshole with a natural sadistic streak. This is behavior of FUTURE Sephiroth, not the Sephiroth of Crisis Core. I don't mind if Seph is rough around the edges and seemingly kind of cold and aloof like he is as an adult. I equally don't mind if Seph goes ham and violently murders a bunch of Wutai fighters because he's under orders and/or just went apeshit in the heat of battle. That's war under Shinra, and we already know he was particularly vicious in combat. I just don't want them taking a lot out of his humanity by having him act like a sociopathic teenager killing because it's fun. I like a cathartic descent into evil, not characters simply born that way because it'll make for a cool money shot.

Those are my two biggest worries. I don't mind if Sephiroth is an antagonist, though it said we'll also get to play as him. I just want them to keep things just vague enough to where it's not too on the nose and Sephiroth is still sympathetic without losing his gravitas. CC Seph was actually very good at balancing him out by making him both detached and also likable. He's a gloomy bastard with no sense of humor, but there's something human beneath that icy exterior. Shifting that around too much could potentially make it all fall apart. He's a very easy character to fuck up. It's part of the reason I didn't really want a Seph backstory. BUT interviews from Nomura have me very intrigued, especially if it leads up to CC era Seph and potentially getting to see more of him with Genesis and Angeal.

[piratefalls]

20 questions for fic writers

tagged by @ninzied! thank you friend!

How many works do you have on ao3?

40!

What's your total ao3 word count?

169,903, which is a shock to me because it really doesn't feel like that much.

What fandoms do you write for?

previously teen wolf/sterek and hawaii five-0/mcdanno, currently taking my first stab at rwrb/firstprince

Top five fics by kudos:

(Waiting) Until the Sky Falls Down on Me (sterek)

Today and Every Day (sterek)

I'm Gonna Give All My Secrets Away (stanny)

Man, Interrupted (sterek)

it's my (pants) party and i'll cry if i want to (sterek)

Do you respond to comments?

i do my best! sometimes i'm terrible at it, but i try!

What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

I don't really do angsty endings! I'm a HEA kinda girl.

What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

probably either Today and Every Day or it's like taking a guess when the only answer is yes because they both end in proposals lol

Do you get hate on fics?

never hate, but i've had a comment here and there that wasn't necessarily appreciated

Do you write smut?

not really anymore. i got myself to do it because it felt like the only thing that got traction and maybe if that was good enough it'd be a gateway to the stuff i enjoyed writing (and, frankly, stuff i spent far more time on). and i don't think i'm particularly good at smut anyway lol. but if given the choice between smut or funny/introspective i'm gonna go with the latter every time.

Craziest crossover:

I haven't done a crossover!

Have you ever had a fic stolen?

so idk who remembers this but a while ago there were people who would post people's fics to Goodreads and one of mine wound up there and those reviews hurt my feelings enough that i quit writing for a while after.

Have you ever had a fic translated?

not to my knowledge!

Have you ever co-written a fic before?

haven't, but i think it could be fun with the right partner!

All time favorite ship?

this is an impossible question and i can't choose. i love them all equally, just for different reasons.

What's a wip you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

good lord my person of interest post-canon fic. will anyone read it? very unlikely. is it the principle of the thing? yes.

What are your writing strengths?

i genuinely have no idea. i've never given it any real thought. i mean, the build of what i write is some form of introspection mixed with humor, so probably those things.

What are your writing weaknesses?

plot and world building. i'm useless at it, for the most part. and like i said above, i don't think i'm great at smut. it's passable at best.

Thoughts on dialogue in another language?

i love it. though i do miss the days when people regularly utilized that hover function that would show the translation if you left your mouse over the phrase for a few seconds. way better than having to scroll down to the notes for the translation.

First fandom you wrote in?

teen wolf. much simpler times.

Favorite fic you've written?

I don't have a single favorite so I'm gonna go with a few for different reasons

humor: Got Your Body On My Mind (I Want it Bad) - mcdanno & co get sent to a sexual harassment training seminar. chaos ensues.

character analysis: Written in the Scars on Our Hearts - steve mcgarrett and all the ways a person can be touched and the

most cathartic: & lift him back up again - working through my own grief by making a character sad

crack, my beloved: it's my (pants) party and i'll cry if i want to - every time stiles orgasms his dick sounds like a party horn. there's glitter come. i might have been hammered.

tagging @wellhalesbells @priincebutt + i feel like doing an open tag for anyone who wants to share what they love about their work!

[ihaveatheoryonthat]

Whumptober Day 26: No One Left Behind

---

Some number of years ago, Elesa had commented that Emmet and Ingo could enlist a dedicated team of Cinccino to deep clean, and still not be rid of the Joltik infesting their apartment.

They were currently facing a similar conundrum with the remaining missing posters.

Emmet had been happy to get rid of them, seeing no need to linger on that portion of his life, but he’d underestimated just how desperate he’d been back in the thick of things. It seemed like every other time someone went to get something from the closet or shook out a blanket, a wayward bulletin would tumble out, unwilling to be left in the past.

Ironic, considering where their subject had wound up, but after months of finding the fliers at inconvenient times-- which was also a little on the nose-- Emmet was in no mood to humor the metaphor. He knew there was no forgetting what had happened, but it would be nice not to face a reminder every six hours.

Ingo never breathed a word about the posters, but there was something going on there. On more than one occasion, Emmet had glanced over to find his twin staring at his own likeness with a closed off expression, even for him. He refused to walk over and snatch the offending leaflets away, but, whenever he found one himself, was quick to fold it into haphazard fourths before anyone saw.

It was a little strange; trashing the greater portion of them had been cathartic, a definitive end to their function and his isolation, but when it was just one here or there, it was almost sad. There was a time in his life when they’d represented a thread of hope, when he’d scattered them so thoroughly that now it was harder to be rid of them than to find one. With that not-so-distant memory attached, picking one up and throwing it away almost felt like giving up, even though, at worst, Ingo was just a room away.

Even more grating was the knowledge that, even if Emmet succeeded in cleaning them all out, there would be some he didn’t have jurisdiction over; at one point, while weighing the pros and cons of interrupting Ingo’s staring contest with himself, he’d caught his brother shuffle the paper to the back of his document stack, and then deliberately take it to his room. In hindsight, it seemed a sure thing that the other sheets he’d handled thusly met the same fate. Emmet had no earthly idea what reason his twin could have for collecting his missing posters, but, going by his demeanor, it couldn’t be productive.

And then the hangup was all but shoved into his lap.

“How… how many did you make?” Ingo asked, eyes dropping to the block of text.

Trusting that he’d been seen in the peripheral vision, Emmet tossed his hands up and gestured one way and then the other, to the apartment as a whole. When it failed to elicit a response, he dropped them and said, “Only Arceus knows.”

Without looking up from the paper, Ingo raised a hand to knead at the space between his eyes.

“How many variations did you make?” He tried again, a moment later.

That, at least, was a question mortal men could answer. “I believe I was up to six.”

“Why?”

“They would frequently be damaged or tear away. It was prudent to replace them.”

“That explains the quantity,” Ingo said dryly, “Not the content.”

Save for the brief warble of paper, the room lapsed into a heavy silence.

“People began to ignore them.” Emmet admitted after a moment. “They became part of the background. If the pictures changed, people looked. It only made sense to update the information accordingly, as well.”

The hand at Ingo’s forehead dropped to idle at his chin, half obscuring his face for all that that mattered. At one point, he inhaled audibly and moved as though he were about to say something, but didn’t follow through.

Gently, even-toned as always, Emmet asked, “Can you explain what you are thinking right now?”

“I just wish that I was still--” The response was nearly immediate-- hasty and, therefore, unfiltered up to the point where Ingo caught up to himself and snapped his mouth shut.

Well that made sense under the circumstances, didn’t it?

Emmet closed his eyes and took a deep breath, trying to figure out how in the world he could help with this ongoing identity crisis. Before he could formulate an adequate response, though, he was preempted.

“I’m not the person you were looking for.”

“Ingo. That’s not--”

There was the sound of movement and paper warping under a mild breeze. He opened his eyes just in time to see his brother press the sheet to his chest and turn away.

“Memories are ephemeral; if you want to hold onto him, you’ll need something more substantial. I just worry that you’re discarding these prematurely.”

[moccahobi]

November & December Reads

November and December have been months full of work, rest, and exploration! As part of my goal to read more fanfic intentionally and give more reviews to what I read, I’ve decided to start making some rec posts. While I am a slow reader, I really enjoyed reading all these fics! They range from simple and short comfort fics to complex stories with strong messages! I hope you all enjoy them as much as I did!

Note: if I'm in the middle of series, I've not included it as I want to give an overall review once I finish it~

BTS MxR Fics

You Suck! (Seokjin x Reader) ( @ugh-yoongi on tumblr)

or, the one where everything goes very wrong but a lot more goes very right

Warnings: swearing, alcohol consumption, mentions of sex work, a teeny-tiny bit of angst, jin takes dick pics on a polaroid (canon), one very purposely awkward smut scene that includes: slight praise kink, unprotected sex, oral, kissing

NSFW

18.3k

Super comedic, fluffy, Vampire AU

This was such a good comedic fic! I struggled to put it down and found myself leaving it in a better mood. If you like supernatural aus and crave some comedy, this is such a great fic to read! The lore for this world is well built and very well sprinkled throughout the fic! A wonderful read!

All of Our Yesterdays (Taehyung x Reader) ( @toikiii on tumblr)

You meant to deal with this alone, it’s what you’re used to. But Taehyung won’t let you feel bad about it.

Warnings: reader coming out of a panic/anxiety attack (not specified), the tactics taehyung uses to help you are ones that help me although they will not apply to everyone

SFW

.5k

Angst, fluff, no AU

A short and cathartic story of the reader having a panic/anxiety attack and Taehyung comforting them. It really hit close to home with how I like to be helped with panic attacks and was such a nice read. If you want something quick and comforting, this is a good read!

Forever (Seokjin x Reader) ( @oddinary4bts on tumblr)

Three years ago, your relationship with jin ended in fights and tears. When life puts him back on your path, you catch a glimpse of light in his eyes that you thought had died when you broke up. Will your relationship blossom into a well-deserved forever or will you lose the love of your life again?

Warnings: alcohol consumption, oc and jin fight a lot and don’t talk enough, oc gets wounded on a nail, a bunch of nostalgia and regrets. explicit content: choking kink, grinding, a little bit of tits play, fingering, oral sex (female receiving), dom!jin, big dick!jin, protected sex

NSFW

25.2k

Angst, fluff, happy ending, Idol AU

Gah! Do you want your heart torn out and mended back together? Omgggggg. This is the fic for you! It’s such a long journey that keeps you on your toes. I got frustrated, got sad, got sentimental, got excited. It is all so wonderful! A great read!

The Heart Of A Demon (Seokjin  x Reader) ( @meirkive on tumblr)

Your roommate just wanted to revive her plants, so how come you have a forked-tongue demon in your kitchen, now?”

Warnings: religious topics such as angels, demons and hell. drinking alcohol and getting tipsy, weed (only mentioned), suggestive talking/talking of sex, light groping, some toxic behaviours such as stalking, snakes, brief mention of a tiny injury, brief mention of blood and licking it, sexual assault

NSFW

37.1k 

Fluff, Angst, Paranormal/Horror, Demon AU

I don’t think I can stress enough how enjoyable this slice of life is! It truly is such an amazing slice of life with a supernatural twist! There’s a touch of angst and darker themes and tons of great humor! I am such a sucker for slice of life and if you are too, this is a wonderful read!

To Catch a Dream (Yoongi x Reader) ( @kookstempo​ on tumblr)

A domestic idol Yoongi fic!

Warnings: recreational drinking and mentions of hangovers

Fairly SFW

2.7k

Fluff, Idol AU, Slice of Life

DOMESTIC YOONGI! DOMESTIC YOONGI! Catch me so excited about domestic Idol AUs. I love them so much. The idea of finding domestic and sweet moments in their busy lives is something I think about a ton and if you enjoy those sorts of moments too (or think about them a lot), this fic opens a fun window into the ways in which one could find those sweet moments. It’s an adorable story about an established relationship and finding time for each other, a perfect and sweet read!

A Gift for You and Me (Yoongi x Reader) ( @toikiii​ on tumblr)

When your ex shows up at your door on Christmas Eve, how will you react?

Warnings: None

SFW

1407 words

Fluff, light Angst, Exes 2 Lovers, No real AU

Holiday fics are so fun! Seasonal fics generally are! There is so much diversity in them too! If you’re a fun of Exs2L and happy endings, READ THIS! As the summary hints, it’s a short and sweet fic about celebrating Christmas with your ex and it does wonders with such a few words. Dae manages to get running motifs and some good jokes in which is so impressive! Please give Dae much love!

Santae Baby (Taehyung x Reader) ( @vsualitae​ on tumblr)

Writing Santae Clause a letter for Christmas.

Warnings:  explicit language, mention of getting knocked up, pure crack, super dumb, bad jokes, humour out the window, mentions of daddy issues and running a red light

NSFW

507 words

Comedy

This fic came about from a nice inside joke! It’s all jokes and so hilarious! From quick laughs, pick-me-ups, amazing puns, and a cute and mature christmas letter, this is a great story to read and laugh with! It doesn’t take itself seriously (an important thing for humor fics). Please read it if you enjoy fun short stories!!!

BTS MXM Fics

Lemonade Man (Hoseok x Seokjin) (AO3)

Hoseok has a semi mid-life crisis while on shift, which gets interrupted by a strange guy walking into the shop. Turns out they both have crises.

Warnings: No warnings apply

SFW

1.8k

Comedy, Fluff

If you want/need a quick pick-me-up, READ THIS! It’s a quick read but SUCH A GOOD READ! It’s sweet and comedic and really just left me in such a happy mood. My mind has been running wild about what 2Seok might be up to now after this story. 

The Art of Pretend (Hoseok x Seokjin) ( @ughseoks on tumblr)

An AU in which Hoseok is embarrassingly bad at first dates and Seokjin takes it upon himself to fix it. 

Warnings: swearing, innuendos, a Smidge of angst, overall stupidity, secondhand embarrassment probably

SFW

4.7k

Fluff, comedy

If you like fun fake dating AUs, this is such a fun and cute fic! Hoseok is such an accident prone baby on first dates and the practice dates we see are sooo funny! It flows well and is so easy to inhale in one sitting.  

A Spell That Reminds Me of You (Jungkook x Jimin) (AO3)

"To Park Jimin, High wizard of the Northern Kingdom, Enchanter & Spellcaster of the court. You are hereby invited to attend this year’s autumnal celebrations. Please note that your presence, as well as your counterpart’s, has been requested as part of your duties to the Crown." So the rumor is true. The Southern Kingdom has a new High wizard. It’s just that there is an order to things, a status quo Jimin has been used to, and the arrival of fresh blood is never a good sign.

Warnings: death/near death (no named character dies but they do come close), sex, nongraphic violence

NSFW

49k

Fluff, angst, fantasy, Enchanters AU, rivals to lovers

DO YOU LIKE FANTASY? DO YOU LIKE ROMANCE? READ THIS! If you like fantasy and rivalry, this is such a good fic (rly a story) to read! We follow Jimin and Jungkook, both enchanters who serve the kings, as they navigate tensions between two kingdoms, Jimin an experienced enchanter in this role and Jungkook who is just starting out. It's a riveting and interesting read about growing tension, loneliness, and environmentalism. I expected to take at least a week to read this story because I am often a slow reader of fanfic but I devoured this story in the span of four days. It's an addicting story!

Café Amour (Yoongi x Taehyung) (Asian Fanfics)

“Don’t let someone who gave up on their dreams talk you out of yours.” The words of the stranger, who simply made his coffee and listened to him rant, actually hit pretty close to home and he hadn’t stopped thinking about them since he left the small cafe that was his favorite place to relax. Yoongi hadn’t wanted to be some office working tool. Sitting in a cubicle that was identical to all the ones around it was not what he thought he would be doing once he left high school. He wanted to be a songwriter or rapper, if he was lucky, but apparently that wasn’t what his parents wanted him to do. He remembered slaving away through classes he found utterly boring in college just to appease his father and have his mother not worry about how he was going to support himself. He hated his life, but every time he walked into that caffe, his day brightened a little and it was all thanks to that rectangular grin and mischievous attitude. 

5k words

Warnings: sexual jokes, hints of smut, plans for smut (from 2015)

Baring in mind the intent to post smut, Imma give it a nsfw rating

Did I hear slice of life??? I did! This fic is such a cute three parter that follows Yoongi and Taehyung through bits and pieces of their relationship! It’s such a cute and fun read! And it’s a coffee shop au?! My beloved! 

Got7 MXR Fics

I Want to Spend Every Day With You (Jackson x Reader) ( @skz-jeha on tumblr)

If anyone asked Jackson what Y/N is to him, he would say the moon. If anyone asked Y/N what Jackson was to them, they would say the sun. For all who cared, these two were inseparable. True to word, they couldn’t spend a day without each other, much to the annoyance of the GOT7 guys.

Warnings: None

SFW

.5k

Fluff, Idol AU, Slice of Life

This fic is a quick and sweet story about Jackson and Y/n’s relationship that’s mostly told from the other member’s perspectives. It’s cute and sweet and left me feeling all bubbly and sweet. If you want a quick pick-me-up or energizer, this is a great fic to read!

You Have Me (Jinyoung x Reader) ( @prettywordsyouleft on tumblr)

You get bad news: you lost your job. Who do you go to for comfort? Our resident sweetie Jinyoung!

Warnings: None

SFW

1905 words

Fluff, F2L

🥺A COMFORT FIC! THAT’S WHAT THIS IS! A WONDERFUL AND SWEET COMFORT FIC THAT IS SO CUTE! I love the tension that’s shown through our limited narrator and the way in which the two are sort of forced to confess due to the situation at hand. It is so cute and such a good read!

Got7 MXM Fics

Swimming Feet (Jaeboem x Jinyoung) (AO3)

There’s a moment between Yugyeom crossing over to safety and Jinyoung surging forward as quickly as he can: a wave sweeps in and Jinyoung gets knocked onto his stomach, water rushing over his head and salt in his mouth. The next thing he knows, the water rushes back to the ocean, and Jaebeom’s loud laughter reaches his ears. Jinyoung shakes the water out of his eyes and heaves himself to his feet. Yugyeom is quite safely sitting next to Jaebeom and showing him the seaweed that drifted into his field of vision while he swam. “Oh, Nyoung,” he calls out, “this is why we use our swimming feet.”

Warnings: Yugyeom gets tousled in the water

SFW

1.4k

Genre: fluff, teacher x uncle, slice of life

JN VDSIUF NE I jumped part way through this collection and this fic has made me really decide to start trying to read it all! We get little hints of the care and love Junyoung and Jaeboem have for Yugyeom and the love they have for eachother! It is so good!

[dipperdesperado]

joy is our solarpunk secret sauce

Something that I feel like is sorely missing from activist spaces and thinking about the future is joy. It seems obvious when you really examine it, but if we see ourselves as imagining the solarpunk futures that we want to live in, but we don’t bring emotion into that conception, the pictures we create will ring hollow. I see joy as an important component of liberatory theory more broadly, so doing joyful things is a form of praxis to me. After all, to be joyful and aware of the injustices of the world at the same time is revolutionary.

Focusing on joy has to be an integral part of how we conceive of doing solarpunk stuff in real life. Joy is what will keep us going in our journey to build community-driven innovations and creative-driven lives. This will also bring more people into the movement, since joy is enticing, much more so than doomerism or pessimism. This is more inclusive and can create a snowball effect towards change.

Joy in my conception comes from fun, pleasure, and play. Having a sense of security, assuredness, and community feed into the ability for these emotions to thrive. This has an inherent decolonial thrust to it since joy stands at odds with mechanistic ideas of productivity and efficiency. It’s very difficult to increase profits exponentially without the inverse result happening to joy. This shift in focus allows our priorities to shift to a more harmonious relationship with ourselves, each other, and the rest of nature.

How do we incorporate joy into our movements?

Creativity is a latent fire within us that just needs the right environment to shine. Whether that’s through art, writing, or performance, this can be a fun and cathartic way to create engaging spaces and experiences for our movements. A solarpunk community can create a public art installation relating to a solarpunk idea like upcycling that celebrates the community’s cultural diversity and plurality. Make them interactive and engaging, have some different events going on a la a market or festival, music playing in the background and you can create the space for people to learn more about their possibilities for liberation without even really realizing it.

Community is implicitly a fundamental part of joy. Creating space for communities to form gives joy the room to grow. Connecting with the earth through community gardens, experimenting and iterating through ideas in co-working spaces, or connecting with your neighbors at a potluck can lead to good vibes and memories, showing us that another world is possible, and that we have the ingredients we need to create it. We also want to make sure these spaces are truly inclusive and accessible so that people of all ages, abilities, and backgrounds can live in concert with the liberation movement.

Celebrating success can also be a way to highlight joy in our movements. It doesn’t matter how “big ” or “small” the success is. Sometimes, throwing a party over a tiny win can re-energize folks and get them excited to continue participating. Throwing a party, shouting people out on socials (depending on how it relates to security culture), and sharing stories can make a hopeful and inspiring energy. Hope is what encourages people to continue striving for a better future.

Humor might be one of my favorite concepts when it comes to thinking about joy. Humor might seem like a weird thing to think about as a form of praxis. However, I propose this; we live in a surreal world! The manifestations of the systems we see don’t match most of the things many of the supporters of these systems chirp about. I mean, meritocracy isn’t real, economic mobility isn’t real, and discrimination is rampant. There’s something deeply sad and ironically funny about that. But that’s a like low-hanging fruit (but deeply resonant) form of humor about collapse. Humor can also be a way to lift spirits and lighten moods through more positive jokes, sharing memes, wholesome acts, and a willingness to be childlike in a sense of possibility.

Having joy as an integral component of our world-changing work is huge to me, so it makes me sad that I don’t feel like many folks talk about it nearly as much. I think that what stalls movements out and keeps people from feeling welcome in them (besides systemic oppression, don’t wanna diminish that) is how it’s framed as hard work that we have to do to save the world. And on one hand, that is true, but on the other hand, that doesn’t mean it has to feel like work all the time. Like, if we want to build a world where we can leisure and play, but our construction plans are full of hardship and toil, we won’t be able to realize our ends. Having an inviting movement allows more people to come in and have a pathway to understanding all the important tough truths. Hope comes from joy, and we need hope to create the future that we want to see.

[2n2n]

I wanted to ask, did you ever see the AidaIro SASUKE tweet?

(Sorry, I am not sure if I can send links in tumblr asks!)

I wish Iro and Aida would do this type of thing more... stuff like hearing how the cast of Hanako would do on a game show is gold!! I need their headcanons NOW.

Anyway, more specifically, I was reading your post about Hanako's smile (and subsequently Amane's unnerving smile) and I was thinking about Amane and remembered this again... Aida and Iro are so damn mean to him, lol. "As usual, amane is useless"... is that really necessary!? (No,yes it is,bully him)

Anyway, I think it's natural to want to bully your characters no matter what, but it makes me think that Amane really IS not as innocent as the fandom seems... it's a bit easier to bully someone who actually deserves it. (And of course I'm just going to point out Tsukasa literally leaving the course entirely, just because I love him and he's great.)

They are so ruthless about Hanako, it's sooo funny!! I have seen this but I love to be reminded (THERE'S TOO MANY TWEETS TO CONSTANTLY CYCLE THROUGH!!) He's their little troublesome guy who is so difficult. I really think western fandom is a bit TOO pitying of him. I LOVE that multiple times they are like, "talk to people!!! FOR ONCE" and, as someone reading this manga, yes, couldn't all conflict be avoided if Amane just explained anything he's thinking ever to anyone. Omfg.

you love how pissy and called out he looks about this..... take your medicine, boy....

feels so cheeky. Ohhhh you don't have any experience..... be a big boy coooome on.

You know what else makes me feel like… this boy isn't… so sacred… is that comic off of the tea party …

oh we can just joke about this Amane, being horny and flustered?? THIS Amane isn't above being depicted as a horny idiot, HE IS NOT SOOO UNBEARABLY SAD HE CAN'T BE HORNY, and this is also our first reveal that Amane has a fetish for the very body part he's constantly mocking Nene for (to me, this is like if you constantly made fun of a girl's fat ass and made her self-conscious of it, but you secretly are an ass guy. Like, it's deplorable of him--!!!! AMANE, AN UNLOVED GIRL WHO NOBODY HAS EVER CRUSHED ON, HAS A COMPLEX, BE NICE!! My first response to this way like, YOU'RE KIDDING ME-- AMANE-- *goes to strangle him* you make fun of her legs defensively because they make you horny??? YOU ARE SO 13)

anyway bullying Hanako is just leveling the playing field isn't it. He bullies everyone else !! AidaIro need to balance out the universe by giving him a hard time firsthand. He's got two angels desperately calling his name and professing their love to him, he can take it, ok. It's also what makes me feel the resolution to all these emotions might be a little humorous in some way. I think it will legitimately be a heartfelt toilet comedy in its own way.

omggg Hanako's VA, Ogata, also once said "Nene has terrible taste in men" … its just, so funny. Everybody call him out.

You know … I will say… sometime I want Bird to help me transcribe/translate a dozen or so of AidaIro's old journal entries and tweets to post in a clump, cuz honestly, Iro …………………………………………… can be kind of a dick to Aida (in a way she clearly is amused by!) so, I kinda think dragging Hanako's fussiness and difficulty and rudeness is a bit.... self-referential, which is why it's so easy to point and laugh at him, and his dramatics? Like man. Iro. Sometimes I'm like, [scandalized] "IRO-SAN….!" I KIND of think Iro really doesn't want to let Hanako get away with anything! I really feel like we're going to peel Hanako apart at the seams and it'll be, in some way, cathartic. An expression of. Something.

OMG also tangent, but Hanako being called useless as always, sometimes I wonder about this vague through line where Hanako is … not as smart as people make him out to be, lol? Like yeah, he'll be useless on this game show … can't beat the Mokke at cards

claims his greatest weakness is a 100pt test

claims his fav class is health/PE

and while it's so common, well, he's bad at writing kanji

… not to put too much stock in it but for some reason he (and his twin...) hold a pencil like a 2 year old. Why?! Lol….

….I'm not so sure Amane ever had it in him to become an astronaut …. it's a little funny a high school teacher is the highest achievement....

[platonicpinotnoir]

How to reconcile with yourself/others when you like bad things - loose thoughts, discussion encouraged

What I've been wanting to talk about for a while now is .... Well. Creating morbid stories is valuable and important for a multitude of reasons that this post isn't about. But what do you do when the other part of you, or a better part of you, or a future part of you, starts to feel oddly about it?

Isn't there a way to integrate? Can't the light hold the darkness's hand?

I really don't know. Do intentions matter? Should the self-forgiveness adhere to conventions of morality, or should it be unconditional?

How is one organism meant to feel about the stories they haven't finished, and no longer live in? Should those stories be finished? ... How could they be?

Feeling sick about a sick story seems appropriate. So maybe there's no issue here?

But sometimes one is in a macabre way, and the sickness is thrilling and cathartic. Other times, one may feel duly disturbed, and eschew it.

How do we navigate these opposing realities that coexist? Inevitably, we flow back and forth between these states; at least, until something is digested and passed.

...But what will you do with the scraps left behind? Stories unwritten, poems unfinished? It feels sad to leave them to die, but we can't deny that staying loyal to them does hold you back.

It's a complicated thing, just day-to-day, when you factor in the forces of habit. If something is morbidly piquant, and at once brought me joy, I'm inclined to repeatedly bring it back up. To milk it for all that it's worth. Even when past the natural mood that initially incurred it; even when the Lessons that are Learned are not Relevant in the current state.

Additionally, the powerful and pervasive life-long habit of isolation - which is Not Good For You - is EXACERBATED when foul things are on the mind. Being around good people feels sick and wrong when you feel sick and wrong inside. You become unable to accept the good things as they come, and you forfeit grace in favor of the comfort of depravity.

And there's one more hugely complicating factor. WHAT IF SHIT'S FUNNY? Does that make it okay to think about? If you're laughing, does that make you exempt from the disdain of others? Nevermind that you know otherwise - if other people, if the good people, may believe that finding humor is less damning than finding thrill, then that vindicates you, doesn't it?

Is the answer to just ... BE WEIRD as it comes, but have the grace to EXIT THE WEIRDNESS when good people catch you in their eyes and bring their goodness to you?

The matter of forgiveness should perhaps be a given. You cannot blame somebody for what drives them to wretched things. But, there's a point where it becomes more harmful than helpful to the self.

FOR EXAMPLE: A few weeks ago, various distressing events occurred on one day for me. After the first thing I lied curled-up on my bed for two hours about it. My body tends to talk to me these days because I try to listen - but not a word from her this time. I was stone stiff and grey inside. The following week I was tenser than usual. The tension in my jaw was particularly cumbersome and aggravating; because while I try my best to listen, I still don't know what's being said; and though I can find the tension in my body, I do not know how to alleviate it. My shoulders and neck were also more tense than usual.

I suppose that I'm back to my usual levels of tension now, and when I pay attention, I can feel the muscles in my legs and shoulders peep-peep-peeping like baby chickens trying to hatch. This I prefer to the stone-stiffness!

But at the time: being IN that sort of stoniness, I found that the only thing that made me feel alive was awful things! They flowed so naturally out of me. This is the way that it usually goes: empty people fill themselves with wild monstrosities!

^ This is a bold statement for me to make when I was just referring to, like, putting dragon ball characters into situations of emotional (sexual?) abuse. And watching The Graduate (1967) because the way that Mrs. Robinson and Benjamin interact in that one quintessential and classic scene is just so hilarious and priceless.

When those certain macabre moods hit, it's more than fun, more than thrilling, to dwell on bad things; it almost sustaining. It feels vital.

But when one loosens up, or comes out of something, or slowly chews and processes - yucky things becomes less nourishing! Even if it's strikingly relevant to you - you just become less interested in and less thrilled by citing the unfortunate patterns in our world. But that doesn't mean that you become entirely incapable of continuing a habit, dwelling on an unfortunate story that once brought you joy, or dreaming of sordid and meaningful projects.

And there are good things in my life. There are good, mature people who bring around their well-loved children. It's perturbing to feel only emptiness in the face of nice things, but it's alright when you know that this isn't how you'll be for forever, and when you know that despite your coldness, you do want the best for people! BUT. This habit of (previously self-preserving, now maladaptive) iciness is not broken easily when you think about how these good people would respond if they saw your wicked corners. It's difficult to lean into the light when you know that what's in your sketchbooks isn't for decent company.

^ You could say that, well, good and mature people understand and respect art, and know how to move on when they find something personally vile. The ones who care don't matter, and the ones who matter don't care.

^ You could say that scrambling to justify yourself with claims such as artistic freedom is only perpetrating the cage that you live in. (In fact, I've spent a lot of time articulating what I do and what's in my head for my own sake, but also so that I could potentially share it - and have a decent enough case for its defense!)

Should I just not worry what others think at all, and just banish the concerns when they creep into my mind? Or are they valid concerns, and it is my inner light calling, and I should change for it?

IS there an easy answer here? Does one STOP peddling Bad Things, or do they become Confident that it's OKAY to do so?

Keeping yourself sick in the head helps justify the self-isolation; is this habit of isolation comorbid with the affinity for sickness, and perhaps should be interpreted separately?

Are we evaluating the person as a whole, or allowing the logic of components: are we turning the other cheek for some things, or incorporating it into our understanding of them? Are we doing so with compassion, or judgement? Is the judgement fair and due?

Ultimately, I don't know things! Does anyone have any insight on this sort of situation? Any personal stories, any learnings from literature?

**Hey ... If you're seeing this post right now and the timestamp is ... a while ago, and you're not sure if you should engage - go on ahead! This blog has 1 follower right now, so any foot traffic would be from the future anyway.

[raichett]

There’s something, of course, very angsty and hurt/comfort-y and cathartic etcetera etcetera about post-Third/Last/Double Life fics that take part in Hermitcraft. 

BUT, as any good writer will tell you, you gotta pace your sad scenes otherwise your reader will get burnt out. You gotta intersperse in some comfort, some gentleness, some banter, even some humour. So, all that being said, you know how in the ___ Life SMP series, some recipes are changed, or some items disallowed? 

What I’m getting at here is that the ___ Life SMP member of your choice - let’s go with Grian as the example, he’s always a favourite - has no idea what a helmet is. He can’t even craft one, the recipe just doesn’t work for him. Etcetera with the altered TNT recipe (they made it cheaper) and crafting saddles (which they made possible at all). And, most recently, in Double Life, the only enchanting table in the whole place was in the Deep Dark. There has also never been an End in any of the ___ Life series.

Imagine that Grian being isekai’d back to Hermitcraft. He casually takes out three leather one day, on a therapy-approved horse expedition, and crafts a saddle. He asks what the hell that thing you’re wearing on your head is. He argues, very strongly, that you need paper for TNT, and only one gunpowder. He freaks out seeing an enchanting table and looks wildly around for The Warden he’s sure must be nearby. 

Basically, there’s something you could explore here through the humorous guise. Something about how he (and the rest) got trapped in a place where even the very mechanics of the world itself worked differently. The obvious one, in the whole life limit and Red Life Makes You Evil thing. That’s big, that’s huge, but while it’s terrible, it’s not hard to wrap your head around.

But the low-key but pervasive everyday things, like the crafting of one of the most common armour pieces, or that everyone knows that saddles have to be found in loot chests. Some of those things might be more disturbing to think about, in the long run. Tiny things you don’t realise you take for unchangeable truth until suddenly they’re not. And the next question: would you ever be able to work out how many of those tiny things were different? How much of everything was just... one step to the left?

[sweetsoundsofignorance]

For the writing asks! 4, 17, 24 and 26 🖤

i'm going to limit most answers to fic.

4. What’s a word that makes you go absolutely feral?

It’s a word you often use, scuttle, but not feral in a bad way. Somehow the word evokes something predatory in me, like the need to pounce.

Also, apoplectic.

17. Talk to me about the minutiae of your current WIP. Tell me about the lore, the history, the detail, the things that won’t make it in the text.

I guess I’ll talk about the one I’m currently posting? Only good things happen here started as a joke between you and me while we were slogging our way through the drivel that was season five of Riverdale.

Betty seemed very (sexually) repressed and always looked like she was itching to do violence, but the writers NEVER LET HER. They put a chainsaw in her hands, and then blue-balled us. Only good things happen here begins during the key party (they couldn’t have made it more boring, I agree), so at the time, Betty was only in a friend with benefits type situation with Archie (if I remember correctly?), but she still seemed pent-up, and she clearly hadn’t processed (good luck doing that with Archie) what happened with TBK (trash-bag-killer… god, grant me the serenity…). From where I was sitting, Betty seemed on the threshold of a psychotic break for the entirety of season five, so B was due.

And Jughead was such a sad and pathetic little meow meow who is also probably going through a dry spell (which I’ve seen is one current running theory in fandom, lol). I theorize that may be because he idealizes his relationship with Tabitha and/or he has severe sexual hang-ups from his toxic and hateful relationship with Jessica as well as his breakup with Betty, where she cheated on him with his best friend. I mean, that entire hallucinogen in the bunker suggested he is dealing with some larger issues sexually, in my opinion, especially since in his fantasy, it was high school Betty (still weird) and they talked about forgiveness. Also, he’s an alcoholic, and we all know how that can affect one’s sex drive, and he’s dealing with writer’s block, which is a blow to his ego. Idk, Jughead appeared to have lost his entire sense of self-agency in season five.

Anyway, clearly it seemed like these two were headed toward an explosion (I realize the irony of that now; in this story, it is not a literal explosion...)

Riverdale likes to pussy-foot around its darkness, and I’m predisposed to just pushing characters off the deep-end, so this story is one possible trajectory for season five that you were kind (crazy 🖤) enough to encourage me to write. I know it is a fucked-up way for both Betty and Jughead to process their trauma, sure, but I felt placing Jughead in a pit, and Betty by proxy, would create this sense of inescapable claustrophobia where they would have to confront and reconcile with the worst parts of themselves. There will be a ton of self-reflection, a lot of nastiness and resentment and trading barbs between the two, which will end with an explosion but also (hopefully) some cathartic self-actualization. This all feels very serious, but it is also supposed to be darkly humorous because it’s sassy little bitch Jughead up against a sadistic and psychotic Betty.

Crap, did I give it all away? I mean, I hope it was obvious based on the premise and the first chapter?

24. How much prep work do you put into your stories? What does that look like for you? Do you enjoy this part or do you just want to get on with it?

If you mean research, shit all. I often forgo prep work because most of my stories don’t require it. If it’s a period piece, I rarely go back farther than the 80s, so it’s pretty easy to pull enough period-perfect details because I’m more comfortable with those decades, especially pop-culture wise.

The only story that's required a lot of footwork is the cult fic, and that’s why it’s taking soooooo long because it necessitates more research, but it’s important to me that I get it right, the psychology, the methods of indoctrination, the process of deprogramming. This looks like a lot of reading (memoirs, fiction, philosophy, nonfiction) and documentaries. I’m dipping into books on the occult and pagan Christianity to develop the cult’s mythologies. I enjoy it because who doesn’t love learning new things, but I also just really want to get on with it orz.

26. How do you get into your character’s head? How do you get out? Do you ever regret going in there in the first place?

I don’t know? I just sit with it. Music helps a lot. I’ll start with an action, whatever plot point, usually initiated by an antagonist, and then I imagine what emotion that might invoke in whatever character, the potential succession of emotions and predict the reactions and downstream consequences and how it snowballs from there. I never write it down, though, which I think counts as a demerit in my organization column, but it sort of looks like a flowchart in my head. I stew with the character in question, whatever traits I’ve given them, usually piecemeal aspects from canon, whichever ones I’ve chosen to amplify, and that helps dictate the flow of emotions and reactions, hence flowchart.

I struggle to get out. It’s why my stories often get away from me. You know how tumbleweeds eventually end up joining with other tumbleweeds and creating this gigantic tumbleweed that then piles up against an obstacle? But the tumbleweeds don’t stop, and they just keep piling on top of each other. You’ll see heaps of them accumulated against fences in empty lots. Idk, that’s the mental image I get, just a pile of tumbleweeds, and those fuckers are thorny, so sometimes there is much regret, me climbing over tumbleweeds to scale the obstacle, which is of course the exit out of the story.

I’ve explored some very dark topics in the devil’s daughter, delved into some psychologies that are immensely painful. It’s why sometimes I have to step away from it, if it starts infecting my day-to-day. It’s also why I struggle to respond to comments, especially right now, because just thinking about the ending makes me start ugly sobbing.

Thank you for asking 🖤🖤🖤 (remember tit for tat 😈)

[calenlily]

2021 fic year in review

Total # of Completed Works: 30

Total Word Count: 67374 published on AO3 (plus probably quite a bit more on WIPs, but I don’t have a system for tracking those)

Fandoms I’ve Written In: BtVS/AtS, Buffy the Vampire Slayer (1992 movie), Fairytales & Related Fandoms, Original Work, Stardew Valley

Looking Back, Did You Write More Fic Than You Thought You Would This Year, Less, Or About What You’d Expected?: More. 2020 was an extremely productive writing year for me, and then I ended up in near-complete writer’s block from sometime in mid-November all the way into April 2021. So when I looked back at the end of the year and realized that I’d somehow managed to surpass my 2020 published word count (even if only by a slim margin), I was very surprised and impressed with myself.

What’s Your Own Favorite Story Of The Year?: Gotta be Buffy And Angel Versus Dracula. It’s the first time I’ve done a full episode rewrite like that, and one of the longest and plottiest things I’ve written in a long time (which is admittedly a low bar, but long and plotty are very much not my strengths), and I’m so glad I stretched my writing muscles to do so. Reworking the canon scenes to reflect changes in cast and storyline and provide sufficient context without wholly rehashing canon was a fun puzzle. I got to practice my ensemble writing skills and my action scene skills, and I’m really happy with how it turned out in terms of the balance of action and humor and romance and of plot versus character/relationship focus. And the bite and hurt/comfort scene in Act II (which I consider the emotional core of the fic and originally was going to be the entire story before it started expanding in scope on me) is probably in my top five for my favorite scenes of intimacy I’ve ever written.

Did You Take Any Writing Risks This Year?: I’m not quite sure whether to define them as risks, but I definitely did quite a few things this year that were venturing in new territory for me as a writer. I wrote my first threesome fic (and then within a month and a half wrote three more). I wrote my first explicit BDSM fic, my first explicit noncon fic, and my first major character death fic. I wrote two new-to-me fandoms (Buffy movieverse, and Stardew Valley), and three new POV characters in my Buffyverse fics (Willow, Joyce, and Dawn).

Do You Have Any Fanfic Or Profic Goals For The New Year?: Publish at least one fic per month (on track for January and February so far; this has been my ongoing goal for a few years and I keep coming close but not quite making it). Get more of my non-exchange projects finished and published. Write a broader range of fandoms and pairings, since my 2021 output was vast majority Bangel and even less that wasn’t Buffyverse.

Most Popular Story Of The Year?: By kudos, my most popular was Give Yourself Over. Parting Is Such Sweet Sorrow got the most comments.

Story Of Mine Most Under-Appreciated By The Universe, In My Opinion: The Stanford Slaying Society. I mean, it’s Connor&/Dawn pre-ship gen, I knew it wasn’t going to have a huge audience. But I’m still sad it hasn’t gotten more love because I’m really happy with how it turned out.

Most Fun Story To Write: Probably Clearing the Air, which was the fic that finally broke through my writer’s block last spring, and incredibly self-indulgent for a fic that doesn’t include any smut. It’s one part indulging my love of cathartic conversations, and then the whole bit with Buffy being in denial about her attraction to Faith and Angel accidentally calling her out on it just amused me too much not to write.

Most Unintentionally Telling Story: Probably (There’s a Reason Not to Want This) But I Forgot, which is far too rooted in my college relationship drama; both main characters are basically me, except when they’re my best friend and my ex.

Biggest Disappointment: I’d have to give that title to Noble Idiocy. I can’t say it did badly, but it’s lagged in engagement compared to the other E-rated multi-chapter fics in the same series just enough that I can’t help noticing, and it’s especially frustrating to me because it’s one that took a lot of effort to write.

Biggest Surprise: I’ve been blown away by the performance of where’s the girl with the blaze in her eyes? It’s probably the darkest thing I’ve ever written, and between the Major Character Death warning, the weird Buffy/Willow flirting, and being Buffy/Angelus without any smut, I’d expected it to have a fairly small audience. Instead it’s the most bookmarked thing I’ve written this year, has gathered some amazing comments, crested 50 kudos within a few months and still has new kudos coming in fairly regularly, and has a great hits-to-kudos ratio into the hundreds of hits. (It’s also one of my favorite things I’ve written recently, despite having struggled a lot to get the idea into words on a page in the first place, so I’m all the more thrilled that it’s doing so well. There may be sequels in the works.)

Thank you for tagging me @mrs-steve-harrington

Tagging: Whoever wants to do it, since this is belated as hell

[lululawrence]

lululawrence’s May 2021 Fic List

Previous Fic Lists / Fic List Podcast Masterpost

May somehow managed to escape my grasp and here we are again! I got a weekend away from the kids this month, which allowed me the chance to finally read for hours on end, and I therefore have quite a few fics to talk about! They were truly amazing, I loved every single one, and I hope you appreciate them too!

If you’d like to hear me share my excitement about these fics verbally and in more detail, you can listen to this month’s podcast here.

As always, be sure to show your love and appreciation for all of the hard work our fandom authors have put into their fics with kudos, nice comments, and (when applicable) reblogging their fic posts!

Just for Tonight (I can be yours) by @sadaveniren / SadaVeniren (42k, E, Harry/Louis, Big Bang fic, A/B/O, Royalty AU, Alpha Louis, Omega Harry, Innocent Harry, Sheltered Harry, Arranged Marriage, Friends to Lovers, Angst with a Happy Ending, but HOW DO THEY GET THERE?? lol, Mpreg, Heat/Rut, Poor as shit sex education lmao, Okay but for real the world building in this was incredible, I can still see the pictures in my mind that I conjured up for certain parts of this fic, It is incredible and the PINING AND ANGST OMG)

reckless serenade by @thepolourryexpress /  thepolourryexpress (4k, E, Harry/Louis, Girl Direction, This one is a bit hard to explain lmao, ....Non-Established Relationship.... relationship, it makes sense in the fic lol, clueless idiots in love, there we go, friends to lovers, humor, fluff, This is beyond sweet and fucking sexy)

a little tenderness by @disgruntledkittenface / disgruntledkittenface (11k, NR, Harry/Niall, 1D A/B/O Fest fic, Alpha Harry, Omega Niall, Touch Deprivation, Nesting, Cuddling, Scenting, Ace Harry, Fluff, Okay listen this fic was so fucking soft I cannot express to you, It was HEALING, I cryyyyyy it was just so beautiful)

What if I'm someone you won't talk about? by @louloubabys1992 / louloubaby92 (58k, M, Harry/Louis, Fine Line Fest fic, Song Fic, Based on Falling, Famous/Non-Famous, Childhood Sweethearts, Exes to Lovers, Kind of but not really at the same time?, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending but there’s fucking angst okay? lol, Hurt/Comfort, Sex Work, Exploitation, References to Rape, PTSD, There’s a lot of dark shit in here, please please please read the tags and keep yourself safe, But if you can handle it then fuck it was an fascinating story for sure!)

When Least Expected by @all-these-larrythings / Rearviewdreamer (22k, M, Harry/Louis, Quarantine Fic, Single Parent Louis, Teacher Harry, Mentions of Depression, Online Dating? Kind of?, Maybe it’s more like Long Distance dating, except they’re in the same city, anyway, Pining, Flirting, Oblivious boys, Soft, This fic was the epitome of soft, It was so incredibly healing to read it, So cathartic and beautiful and lovely, It just made me so happy and at peace reading this fic, and I really didn’t expect that from a quarantine fic tbh)

so c'mon c'mon (and dance with me baby) by @rockstarlouis / theweightofmywords (3k, NR, Harry/Louis, New Year’s Fic, Meet Cute, Louke are together at the beginning but it doesn’t last long, Work Party, but neither Louis or Harry work there lololol, Humor, Drinking, Dancing, This fic was just so short and sweet and fun I loved it)

Pound Cake by @kingsofeverything / kingsofeverything (2k, NR, Harry/Louis, Butthole Series fic, Hurt Louis, Sad Louis, Harry’s birthday, Friends to Lovers, Crack fic lmao, Misunderstandings, This fic was so funny but also somehow sweet, while still being about buttholes, Lauren is a magician what can I say lol)

Get Burned By the Fire by Anonymous (13k, NR, Shawn/Niall, Heartbreak Weather Fest fic, Song Fic, based on Small Talk, Bartender Niall, Mysterious Shawn, Casual Sex, I think that’s how you’d define their arrangement? lol, Pining, Harry and Louis are together and Niall’s besties and coworkers, They’re hilarious through all of this, Even though it’s casual sex or meant to be anyway, It defo is also like... a Breakup Fic, and also Exes to Lovers, Supernatural Elements, It’s all complicated and sooooo fucking gooooood)

The Shooting Star Of Promises And Fears by darkpoets (2k, NR, Harry/Louis, Soulmates, Wishes, This fic is incredibly hard to explain or describe, because the style and feel of it is incredibly unique, It feels almost floaty while you read it, if that makes sense)

Getting a Room by bluespring864 (2k, G, Lewis/Niall, Friends to Lovers, Mutual Pining, Idiots in Love, Banter, Listen this fic is short but packed to the brim with feels, omgggggg SO MANY FEELS, and so so lovely the way it comes together, but also hilarious too?, it’s just very THEM, I could also hear all the lines Lewis says in this fic in his accent, I heard his voice speaking them in my head, and I was trying so hard not to laugh out loud as I sat reading, surrounded by strangers lmao, It was so awkward but worth it)

Caves End by @jacaranda-bloom / jacaranda_bloom (40k, E, Harry/Louis, Big Bang fic, Famous/Non-Famous, Farmer Louis, Rancher Louis is maybe better?, I’ll put both cause Dee said farmer lmao, Footballer Harry, Australia fic, Horseback Riding, Angst, Miscommunication, Dee’s tags about that are hilarious please read them, Hurt/Comfort, This fic is just EVERYTHING, okay, It was so incredibly good)

and all I think about is you and safer by your side (parts 4 and 5 of where the lights are beautiful) by @polkadotlou / twoshipsdrifting (1k each, T, Harry/Louis, Alternate Universe, A/B/O, Alpha Harry, Omega Louis, Established Relationship, Mentions of Heat, Drabbles, Listen this whole series is amazing, and if you haven’t read it then these drabbles won’t have the same power they do otherwise, but they are SO DAMN GOOD OKAY)

Counterculture by @sadaveniren / SadaVeniren (6k, E, Harry/Louis, Omega Harry Fest, A/B/O, Omega Harry, Alpha Louis, Famous/Non-Famous, Underground Clubs, Pack Dynamics, Scenting, Public Sex, Orgies, Pregnancy and Lactation Kink, Like... this fic is FILTHY while still having super cool worldbuilding elements in it, and it’s kinky as shit cause Sada, In other words this is fantastic)

Say Something by @kingsofeverything / kingsofeverything (105k, E, Harry/Louis, Alternate Universe, A/B/O, Alpha Louis, Omega Harry, Older Harry, Age Difference, Heat/Rut Partners, Friends to Lovers, Kind of?, It’s Complicated lol, MPreg, Divorced Harry, Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Harry has a lot of shit to work through, It all works out and it’s so fucking good)

The Until Series by @allwaswell16 / allwaswell16 (62k total, Harry/Louis (parts 1 and 3), Niall/Shawn (Part 2), Big Bang fic and Heartbreak Weather Fest fic, Song Fic, Seriously the whole albums is basically the inspiration lol, Cowboy Harry, Child Actor Harry, Cowboy Shawn, Songwriter Louis, Singer Niall, Farm Fic, Enemies to Lovers, Misunderstanding, So good just all of it, Dumb boys in love lol)

That Smile and That Midnight Laugh by @uhoh-but-yeah-alright / yeah_alright (50k, T, Harry/Louis, but also Harry/Nick at the beginning, Big Bang fic, Girl Direction, Based on Ferris Bueller’s Day Off, It’s like an extension and starts where the movie ended, So cool in that way I loved it, Grimmy and Louis are step-siblings, Friends to Lovers, No Cheating if that’s a concern, Sexuality Crisis but it’s more of like a Gay Awakening, Coming of Age story in that way, So freaking soft like omg, I just really freaking loved this fic)

[path-of-my-childhood]

The Story Behind Every Song on folklore - According to Aaron Dessner

By: Brady Gerber for Vulture Date: July 27th 2020

The National multi-instrumentalist spoke to Vulture over the phone from upstate New York a few hours after the surprise release of Swift’s eighth studio album. (“A pretty wild ride,” he admits, sounding tired yet happy.) He was clear that he can’t speak on behalf of Swift’s lyrics, much like he can’t for The National frontman Matt Berninger’s either, or the thinking behind Jack Antonoff’s songs. (Here’s a cheat sheet: Jack’s songs soar, Aaron’s glide.) But Dessner was game to speak to his specific contributions, influences, and own interpretations of each song on folklore, a record you can sum up by two words that came up often during our conversation: nostalgic and wry.

“the 1″

“the 1” and “hoax,” the first song and the last song, were the last songs we did. The album was sort of finished before that. We thought it was complete, but Taylor then went back into the folder of ideas that I had shared. I think in a way, she didn’t realize she was writing for this album or a future something. She wrote “the 1,” and then she wrote “hoax” a couple of hours later and sent them in the middle of the night. When I woke up in the morning, I wrote her before she woke up in LA and said, “These have to be on the record.” She woke up and said, “I agree” [laughs] These are the bookends, you know?

It’s clear that “the 1” is not written from her perspective. It’s written from another friend’s perspective. There’s an emotional wryness and rawness, while also to this kind of wink in her eyes. There’s a little bit of her sense of humor in there, in addition to this kind of sadness that exists both underneath and on the surface. I enjoy that about her writing.

The song began from the voice memo she sent me, and then I worked on the music some and we tracked her vocals, and then my brother added orchestration. There are a few other little bits, but basically that was one of the very last things we did.

“cardigan“

That’s the first song we wrote [in early May]. After Taylor asked if I would be interested in writing with her remotely and working on songs, I said, “Are you interested in a certain kind of sound?” She said, “I’m just interested in what you do and what you’re up to. Just send anything, literally anything, it could be the weirdest thing you’ve ever done,” so I sent a folder of stuff I had done that I was really excited about recently. “cardigan” was one of those sketches; it was originally called “Maple.” It was basically exactly what it is on the record, except we added orchestration later that my brother wrote.

I sent [the file] at 9 p.m., and around 2 a.m. or something, there was “cardigan,” fully written. That’s when I realized something crazy was happening. She just dialed directly into the heart of the music and wrote an incredible song and fully conceived of it and then kept going. It harkens back to lessons learned, or experiences in your youth, in a really beautiful way and this sense of longing and sadness, but ultimately, it’s cathartic. I thought it was a perfect match for the music, and how her voice feels. It was kind of a guide. It had these lower register parts, and I think we both realized that this was a bit of a lightning rod for a lot of the rest of the record.

The National’s Influence On Swift

She said that she’s a fan of the emotion that’s conveyed in our music. She doesn’t often get to work with music that is so raw and emotional, or melodic and emotional, at the same time. When I sent her the folder, that was one of the main feelings. She said, “What the fuck? How do you just have that?” [laughs] I was humbled and honored because she just said, “It’s a gift, and I want to write to all of this.” She didn’t write to all of it, but a lot of it, and relatively quickly.

She is a fan of the band, and she’s a fan of Big Red Machine. She’s well aware of the sentiment of it and what I do, but she didn’t ask for a certain kind of thing. I know that the film [I Am Easy To Find] has really affected her, and she’s very much in love with that film and the record. Maybe it’s subconsciously been an influence.

“the last great american dynasty”

I wrote that after we’d been working for a while. It was an attempt to write something attractive, more uptempo and kind of pushing. I also was interested in this almost In Rainbows-style latticework of electric guitars. They come in and sort of pull you along, kind of reminiscent of Big Red Machine. It was very much in this sound world that I’ve been playing around with, and she immediately clicked with that. Initially I was imagining these dreamlike distant electric guitars and electronics but with an element of folk. There’s a lot going on in that sense. I sent it before I went on a run, and when I got back from the run, that song was there [laughs].

She told me the story behind it, which sort of recounts the narrative of Rebekah Harkness, whom people actually called Betty. She was married to the heir of Standard Oil fortune, married into the Harkness family, and they bought this house in Rhode Island up on a cliff. It’s kind of the story of this woman and the outrageous parties she threw. She was infamous for not fitting in, entirely, in society; that story, at the end, becomes personal. Eventually, Taylor bought that house. I think that is symptomatic of folklore, this type of narrative song. We didn’t do very much to that either.

“exile” (ft. Bon Iver)

Taylor and William Bowery, the singer-songwriter, wrote that song initially together and sent it to me as a sort of a rough demo where Taylor was singing both the male and female parts. It’s supposed to be a dialogue between two lovers. I interpreted that and built the song, played the piano, and built around that template. We recorded Taylor’s vocals with her singing her parts but also the male parts.

We talked a lot about who she thought would be perfect to sing, and we kept coming back to Justin [Vernon]. Obviously, he’s a dear friend of mine and collaborator. I said, “Well, if he’s inspired by the song, he’ll do it, and if not, he won’t.” I sent it to him and said, “No pressure at all, literally no pressure, but how do you feel about this?” He said, “Wow.” He wrote some parts into it also, and we went back and forth a little bit, but it felt like an incredibly natural and safe collaboration between friends. It didn’t feel like getting a guest star or whatever. It was just like, well, we’re working on something, and obviously he’s crazy talented, but it just felt right. I think they both put so much raw emotion into it. It’s like a surface bubbling. It’s believable, you know? You believe that they’re having this intense dialogue.

With other people I had to be secretive, but with Justin, because he was going to sing, I actually did send him a version of the song with her vocals and told him what I was up to. He was like, “Whoa! Awesome!” But he’s been involved in so many big collaborative things that he wasn’t interested in it from that point of view. It’s more because he loved the song and he thought he could do something with it that would add something.

“my tears ricochet”

This is one of my absolute favorite songs on the record. I think it’s a brilliant composition, and Taylor’s words, the way her voice sounds and how this song feels, are, to me, one of the critical pieces. It’s lodged in my brain. That’s also very important to Taylor and Jack. It’s like a beacon for this record.

“mirrorball”

“mirrorball” is, to me, a hazy sort of beautiful. It almost reminds me of ‘90s-era Cardigans, or something like Mazzy Star. It has this kind of glow and haze. It feels really good before “seven,” which becomes very wistful and nostalgic. There are just such iconic images in the lyrics [“Spinning in my highest heels”], which aren’t coming to me at the moment because my brain is not working [laughs].

How Jack Antonoff’s Folklore Songs Differ From Dessner’s

I think we have different styles, and we weren’t making them together or in the same room. We both could probably come closer together in a sense that weirdly works. It’s like an archipelago, and each song is an island, but it’s all related. Taylor obviously binds it all together. And I think Jack, if he was working with orchestrations, there’s an emotional quality to his songs that’s clearly in the same world as mine.

We actually didn’t have a moodboard for the album at all. I don’t think that way. I don’t really know if she does either. I don’t think Jack... well, Jack might, but when I say the Cardigans or Mazzy Star, those aren’t Jack’s words about “mirrorball,” it’s just what calls to mind for me. Mainly she talked about emotion and to lean into it, the nostalgia and wistfulness, and the kind of raw, meditative emotion that I often kind of inhabit that I think felt very much where her heart was. We didn’t shy away from that.

“seven”

This is the second song we wrote. It’s kind of looking back at childhood and those childhood feelings, recounting memories and memorializing them. It’s this beautiful folk song. It has one of the most important lines on the record: “And just like a folk song, our love will be passed on.” That’s what this album is doing. It’s passing down. It’s memorializing love, childhood, and memories. It’s a folkloric way of processing.

“august”

This is maybe the closest thing to a pop song. It gets loud. It has this shimmering summer haze to it. It’s kind of like coming out of “seven” where you have this image of her in the swing and she’s seven years old, and then in “august” I think it feels like fast-forwarding to now. That’s an interesting contrast. I think it’s just a breezy, sort of intoxicating feeling.

“this is me trying”

“this is me trying,” to me, relates to the entire album. Maybe I’m reading into it too much from my own perspective, but [I think of] the whole album as an exercise and working through these stories, whether personal or old through someone else’s perspective. It’s connecting a lot of things. But I love the feeling in it and the production that Jack did. It has this lazy swagger.

“illicit affairs”

This feels like one of the real folk songs on the record, a sharp-witted narrative folk song. It just shows her versatility and her power as a songwriter, the sharpness of her writing. It’s a great song.

“invisible string”

That was another one where it was music that I’d been playing for a couple of months and sort of humming along to her. It felt like one of the songs that pulls you along. Just playing it on one guitar, it has this emotional locomotion in it, a meditative finger-picking pattern that I really gravitate to. It’s played on this rubber bridge that my friend put on [the guitar] and it deadens the strings so that it sounds old. The core of it sounds like a folk song.

It’s also kind of a sneaky pop song, because of the beat that comes in. She knew that there was something coming because she said, “You know, I love this and I’m hearing something already.” And then she said, “This will change the story,” this beautiful and direct kind of recounting of a relationship in its origin.

“mad woman”

That might be the most scathing song on folklore. It has a darkness that I think is cathartic, sort of witch-hunting and gaslighting and maybe bullying. Sometimes you become the person people try to pin you into a corner to be, which is not really fair. But again, don’t quote me on that [laughs], I just have my own interpretation. It’s one of the biggest releases on the album to me. It has this very sharp tone to it, but sort of in gothic folklore. It’s this record’s goth song.

“epiphany”

For “epiphany,” she did have this idea of a beautiful drone, or a very cinematic sort of widescreen song, where it’s not a lot of accents but more like a sea to bathe in. A stillness, in a sense. I first made this crazy drone which starts the song, and it’s there the whole time. It’s lots of different instruments played and then slowed down and reversed. It created this giant stack of harmony, which is so giant that it was kind of hard to manage, sonically, but it was very beautiful to get lost in. And then I played the piano to it, and it almost felt classical or something, those suspended chords.

I think she just heard it, and instantly, this song came to her, which is really an important one. It’s partially the story of her grandfather, who was a soldier, and partially then a story about a nurse in modern times. I don’t know if this is how she did it, but to me, it’s like a nurse, doctor, or medical professional, where med school doesn’t fully prepare you for seeing someone pass away or just the difficult emotional things that you’ll encounter in your job. In the past, heroes were just soldiers. Now they’re also medical professionals. To me, that’s the underlying mission of the song. There are some things that you see that are hard to talk about. You can’t talk about it. You just bear witness to them. But there’s something else incredibly soothing and comforting about this song. To me, it’s this Icelandic kind of feel, almost classical. My brother did really beautiful orchestration of it.

“betty”

This one Taylor and William wrote, and then both Jack and I worked on it. We all kind of passed it around. This is the one where Taylor wanted a reference. She wanted it to have an early Bob Dylan, sort of a Freewheelin’ Bob Dylan feel. We pushed it a little more towards John Wesley Harding, since it has some drums. It’s this epic narrative folk song where it tells us a long story and connects back to “cardigan.” It starts to connect dots and I think it’s a beautifully written folk song.

Is ‘betty” queer canon? I can’t speak to what it’s about. I have my own ideas. I also know where Taylor’s heart is, and I think that’s great anytime a song takes on greater meaning for anyone.

Is William Bowery secretly Joe Alwyn? I don’t know. We’re close, but she won’t tell me that. I think it’s actually someone else, but it’s good to have some mysteries.

“peace”

I wrote this, and Justin provided the pulse. We trade ideas all the time and he made a folder, and there was a pulse in there that I wrote these basslines to. In the other parts of the composition, I did it to Justin’s pulse. Taylor heard this sketch and she wrote the song. It reminds me of Joni Mitchell, in a way - there’s this really powerful and emotional love song, even the impressionistic, almost jazz-like bridge, and she weaves it perfectly together. This is one of my favorites, for sure. But the truth is that the music, that way of playing with harmonized basslines, is something that probably comes a little bit from me being inspired by how Justin does that sometimes. There’s probably a connection there. We didn’t talk too much about it [laughs].

“hoax”

This is a big departure. I think she said to me, “Don’t try to give it any other space other than what feels natural to you.” If you leave me in a room with a piano, I might play something like this. I take a lot of comfort in this. I think I imagined her playing this and singing it. After writing all these songs, this one felt the most emotional and, in a way, the rawest. It is one of my favorites. There’s sadness, but it’s a kind of hopeful sadness. It’s a recognition that you take on the burden of your partners, your loved ones, and their ups and downs. That’s both “peace” and “hoax” to me. That’s part of how I feel about those songs because I think that’s life. There’s a reality, the gravity or an understanding of the human condition.

Does Taylor Explain Her Lyrics?

She would always talk about it. The narrative is essential, and kind of what it’s all about. We’d always talk about that upfront and saying that would guide me with the music. But again, she is operating at many levels where there are connections between all of these songs, or many of them are interrelated in the characters that reappear. There are threads. I think that sometimes she would point it out entirely, but I would start to see these patterns. It’s cool when you see someone’s mind working.

“the lakes”

That’s a Jack song. It’s a beautiful kind of garden, or like you’re lost in a beautiful garden. There’s a kind of Greek poetry to it. Tragic poetry, I guess.

The Meaning Of Folklore

We didn’t talk about it at first. It was only after writing six or seven songs, basically when I thought my writing was done, when we got on the phone and said, “OK, I think we’re making an album. I have these six other ideas that I love with Jack [Antonoff] that we’ve already done, and I think what we’ve done fits really well with them.” It’s sort of these narratives, these folkloric songs, with characters that interweave and are written from different perspectives. She had a vision, and it was connecting back in some way to the folk tradition, but obviously not entirely sonically. It’s more about the narrative aspect of it.

I think it’s this sort of nostalgia and wistfulness that is in a lot of the songs. A lot of them have this kind of longing for looking back on things that have happened in your life, in your friend’s life, or another loved one’s life, and the kind of storytelling around that. That was clear to her. But then we kept going, and more and more songs happened.

It was a very organic process where [meaning] wasn’t something that we really discussed. It just kind of would happen where she would dive back into the folder and find other things that were inspiring. Or she and William Bowery would write “exile,” and then that happened. There were different stages of the process.

Okay, but is it A24-core? [Laughs.] Good comparison. 

[pair-annoyed]

Anime I Watched This Fall

My first semester of college is officially over and the December holidays are upon us! I hoped to make one of these posts sooner, but I have been incredibly busy with schoolwork. Now that things have slowed down, let’s take sometime to reflect on things I’ve watched. 

These anime are listed in chronological order and encompass everything I’ve watched from 9/1/2020 - 12/15/2020

Like always, they will be rated on a 1-10 scale; 1 meaning complete garbage, 10 meaning masterpiece. I will offer my thoughts on what I did/didn’t like about each show!

1. The God of High School - 6/10 

Despite the stellar animation from MAPPA and my high expectations, I was really disappointed by how this series was treated. Most of the story’s crucial elements were handled poorly. I finished this series feeling more confused about the plot than when I first began. The power system is really cool, but poorly explained. More time should have been spent on exposition and world building for this series, instead the fights were given the most screen time. 

2.  Doukyuusei - 7/10 

I really liked the style of Doukyuusei. Granted, this was another movie I chose to watch primarily because of the hype surrounding it. The dynamic between Kusakabe and Sajou is an interesting one, and I also enjoy how the movies different acts were separated by the seasons. However, there's nothing that really sets Doukyuusei apart from other romance movies, its a little generic. Still, I enjoyed it nonetheless. 

3.  Re:Zero kara Hajimeru Isekai Seikatsu 2nd Season - 8/10 

My opinions on Re:Zero’s second season are biased. This was, by far, the sequel I was most hyped for during the summer/fall anime season. I was so happy to see the story’s continuation and I’m looking forward to the season’s second part coming sometime in January. Re:Zero is one of my all time favorite series because of the way it handles it characters and power dynamics. I also really enjoy the show’s psychological aspects. If you haven’t already, give Re:Zero a try! 

4. Saint☆Oniisan (Movie + OVA) - 8/10

This was a wonderful comedy. I wasn’t sure how the subject of Jesus and Buddha living together would be tackled, but it was handled wonderfully. I was laughing for pretty much the entire movie. I love the art style and little references to both Buddhism and Christianity, plus the incorporation of Japanese culture. Saint Oniisan is a bright comedy, with two eccentric main characters. If you like a show that doesn’t take itself too seriously, and need a good laugh, I can’t recommend this more.

5. Clannad: After Story - 10/10 

Never, while watching anime, did I cry as much as I did while watching Clannad: After Story. I didn’t realize how much I related to Okazaki until I saw him grow up in After Story. I was left sobbing, especially after episode 18. I still, to this day, cannot listen to the Dango song without tearing up. The original Clannad is nothing special, but the continuation of its story its something heartfelt, emotional, and down-to-earth. I love Kyoto Animation with all my heart, and Clannad made me appreciate everything the studio has done just a little bit more. Thank you Clannad, for reminding me about the kind of person I strive to be. 

6. Nakitai Watashi wa Neko wo Kaburu - 5.5/10

The art in A Whisker Away was beautiful. The story itself, however, is nothing too enjoyable. I found it difficult to like our protagonist or her love interest. Nothing about this movie is inherently memorable. The emotional climax came far too early which made the second half of the film seem long and drawn out.  All in all, the movie has a wonderful concept, I just believe it could have been so much more emotional than it was. When I watch a move, I like to empathize with the characters. It’s difficult to do when the characters aren’t given the proper exposition to be empathized with. 

7.  Shikioriori - 6/10

This is less of a movie and more of a collection of short stories. Flavors of Youth is something you shouldn’t watch on an empty stomach, all of the food looks incredible. The same cannot beside for the rest of this feature. The stories themselves seems heavily clichéd. Much like A Whisker Away, the initial premise is intriguing, but the execution results in something that comes across as trying too hard and carries no emotional weight with the viewer. If you plan on watching, pay more attention to the artwork and animation than the actual plot. You won’t be missing anything. 

8. Vinland Saga - 7/10

Vinland Saga helped me get out of the rut that Clannad: After Story. Not only does this show have a great story, its action packed with lots of interesting fights. I especially enjoyed all the Nordic history embedded within the show. Its really unlike any of the other historical anime I’ve watched. I will say, it’s gory. But, compared to all the other things I watched this time around, I finished this series the quickest. Its good, its graphic, its fast paced! 

9.  Mononoke Hime - 7/10

It’s ironic considering how much anime I’ve watched that I have yet to watch all of the most classic Studio Ghibli films. Princess Mononoke is grittier than most other Ghibli films I’ve seen, but it’s message is positive and its characters are wonderful. I can’t really speak ill towards classics like these. I guess maybe my one complaint is that this movie could’ve been a faster pace. Other than that... I really enjoyed everything Princess Mononoke offered! I understand why it’s so popular.  

10. Howl no Ugoku Shiro - 8.5/10 

Can you believe it took me this long to finally watch Howl’s Moving Castle? Me neither!! This movie is so endearingly beautiful. I loved every second of it, from the characters to the soundtrack. So many iconic things come from just this one movie. I would like to take this time to thank my best friend for reminding me that Studio Ghibli films are wonderful! Thank you for watching this with me, I loved it! All in all, I regret not watching this sooner! 

11. Toradora! - 6.5/10 

Toradora took me a while to finish, just because I lost interest about halfway through. But, I powered through it, and ended up really enjoying the show! I’m not the biggest fan of the ending, but that’s just a personal preference. Somehow, this show also made me cry? I’m not entirely sure why because Toradora! is probably the thing farthest from sad. Apart from the show’s dull slice of life moments, it was super cute! A much needed light-hearted romance. 

12. New Initial D Movie: Legend 1 - 5/10 

Full disclosure, this is the only thing related to Initial D that I’ve ever watched. My band and I watched this expecting to hear some of that iconic Initial D music, itself all we got was a mildly confusing story about different types of cars. It was cliché and frankly a little boring. Although, I am still considering watching the original Initial D just so I can hear the music in the way it was original intended. I’ve got no other opinions on this movie. It’s best not to watch these movies without the context from the rest of the franchise.  

13.  Uchuu Patrol Luluco - 7.5/10

I didn’t really understand why people enjoy studio Trigger so much until I watched Space Patrol Luluco. I loved all the fun references to other studio Trigger works. I loved the humor, and I loved all the bright colors. The animation was extremely high energy, and the art style fits the show’s premise. Each episode was only 12 minutes long so it was a super quick binge. If you’re looking for something quick, light-hearted and comical, this is the perfect show to watch.

14. Orange - 7/10 

I owe a big thanks to a tumblr mutual for recommending this show to me! This holds the honor of making me cry by episode 3! I honestly did not expect the subject matter of this show to be as dark as it was. Usually when I see the genre ‘shoujo’ I do not associate it with a love story like that of Orange. The heavy subject matter made it a little too close to home for me, but I still really enjoyed this series. It reminds me off all the good times I had with my friends in high school, and of all the regrets I carry with myself to this day. 

15. 3-gatsu no Lion - 7.5/10 

March Comes in Like a Lion is another show that was a bit of a slow burn for me. Each episode left me feeling emotionally drained, so I had to take a lot of breaks while I was working on watching this series. Shaft, the studio behind this anime, holds a special place in my heart because I loved their work on the Monogatari Series. March Comes in Like a Lion is a little different. It’s driving force it is characters, and it was cathartic to watch our main character transform through the entire duration of the first season. I know the show’s second season is much better, so I’ll be starting that soon! 

16. Yojouhan Shinwa Taikei - 8/10 

I loved how artsy and smart The Tatami Galaxy is, but honestly I couldn’t watch too much at once cause it would hurt my head. I also couldn’t watch this show while I was tired because the speaking rate is much faster than typical anime. The Tatami Galaxy is so unique for its medium. I loved the different time loops and the crazy animation. The characters were fascinating. The dialogue, although very fast, it also fantastic. There’s an element of humor to this unique story telling, and I enjoyed ever minute of it! 

Currently Watching:

Hunter x Hunter - 6.5/10 (As of Episode 30)

I pride myself in having watched a lot of shounen anime, but I was reluctant to start Hunter x Hunter for years because I thought I would find it boring. I was oh so very wrong. Considering great shows like Naruto and Fairy Tail that fall under the same category, I expected Hunter x Hunter to be subpar in comparison. It gets a low score for two reasons. One, the power system was introduced a little too late and now I’m wondering if all the fights post episode 30 will involved nen in some way, shape, or form. Two, its still on hiatus. 

Two Cursed Additions For This List

Please to do not let these be representative of my anime taste. 

1.  Yarichin☆B*tch-bu - 4/10

I am a CLOWN for not knowing this was 18+. The only reason I watched this was to see why everyone was talking about the pink-haired boy with the glasses and tongue piecing. I know why now, and I regret it. This was a massive mistake on my part. But hey, at the least the art and ending song kinda slap? 

2. Euphoria (Dropped After 1 Episode) - 2/10

If you know what I’m talking about when I say Euphoria, I am so sorry. And no, I am not talking about the HBO series. Seriously, don’t google this. Don’t watch this. Don’t interact with anything related to this. You’re probably wondering, “Then why did you watch it?” I did not watch this willingly. You see, I have a very bad habit of starting anime and then taking months to finish them. I made an ultimatum with a friend, lost, and then was forced to watch this a punishment. Not a fun experience. I’m very glad there are no GIFs of this on tumblr...

[samwontshare]

Black Widow Review I guess

Was Black Widow the send off movie for Nat that I wanted to see after Avengers 1 first dropped? No.

Did I really enjoy it anyway (with some criticisms)? Yes.

Here’s what worked and what didn’t work for me.

What worked for me:

-Yelena and Nat’s relationship carried this entire movie. It was start to finish a truly beautiful sister movie. Their relationship is so genuine and they have such a great connection on screen. The bickering! The older/little sibling dynamic is so powerful in this movie. Yelena’s need for Nat in her life, and Nat who suffered so much trying to just escape but her younger sibling was left behind. This was so painful and real for me as a survivor of childhood domestic violence - where my older sibling would often leave to protect himself, but then I was left behind to survive. It took me a long time to have empathy for him and his very real need to protect himself. Because we both were just trying to survive and it wasn’t our fault. I saw myself in Yelena and my brother in Nat’s decision to leave the Red Room. For them to come together to take down the Red Room together is just some beautiful, cathartic shit.

-Yelena. Every. Single. Thing. About. Yelena. The acting was just stunning - that Yelena has this childlike quality to her because for the first time, she can be a human being. She has beautiful character moments: fogging the glass, playing with her beer bottle, her enthusiasm for the vest with pockets she purchased AND modified thank you very much. Do I feel they dulled her trauma to keep the levity? Yes, but she still has some stunning moments of vulnerability - especially when she took her fake family to task and called out Nat for saying it wasn’t real. This was just *chef kiss* THE HEAD TOUCHES OMG.

-The found family dynamic. I think some folks might baulk at the forgiveness shown to the parental figures, but for me this rings true as someone again who experienced childhood violence. What’s often hard is that you feel such justified anger toward those who hurt you and didn’t protect you, but for many people (though not all) there is still a need to be loved by those people and you might still love them despite everything because there were good moments in all the horror. What I think actually made this work is that Melina and Alexei both took steps to correct their ways - they immediately helped the sisters. It spoke a bit on generational trauma - particularly re: Melina. Was it perfect? No. Do I think it will work for everyone? No. But I didn’t mind it. Damaged people trying to do better is my jam. And I was just happy Melina lived.

-The opening credits is one of the best things Marvel has ever done. Chilling.

-The humor. This shit was funny.

-The way it centered Yelena and Nat, women supporting women, and said fuck off to the male Avengers.

-This is unpopular but I was fine with Taskmaster. I remember Taskmaster from the Deadpool comics so I get why people are mad, but to me it threaded a nice loop in Nat’s story. Nat’s desperation to leave the Red Room and end her violence meant killing an innocent child - was it heroic? No. Was it human? Yes. Taking the time to make some amends there felt like nice closure, even if Antonia falls into one of my biggest issues with the film (see below).

-I’m glad Dreykov was an unexplained Bond villain with his ridiculous sky lair that everyone should have known about after NYC. Dreykov was symbolic for every shitty male abuser that’s plagued women. It ain’t about him. It’s about what he represented.

What didn’t work for me:

-How WOC showed up in the movie felt super uncomfortable. We see a Widow of color starting the movement to free the others, but she’s quickly dispatched and the job is taken over by two white women. There is a really horrifying scene where another WOC is forced by a white man to kill herself to further Nat’s horror about the situation. The only time in this movie WOC are on screen it’s to 1) die and 2) literally be brainwashed into servitude. There’s no agency for WOC in this movie and it sucks A LOT.

-That sort of plays into my other big problem with the plot and that was the whole brainwashing storyline. It fell really flat for me and I’ve been trying to figure out why. The movie started out really strong with the absolutely horrifying story of Nat and Yelena’s childhood and the opening credits that pull no punches about human trafficking and the literal child torture that takes place in the Red Room.

But the MCU once again proves it’s not ready to tackle deeper issues in their totality - they have to walk it back so it’s still the quippy, action oriented formula that makes every one a blockbuster. So instead of a story about the horrors of the Red Room and psychological conditioning of young trafficked girls into trained killers - and more importantly how those women still maintain their agency despite this, how they are survivors and how they break the chains of the Red Room to take their power back (a story much more grounded in real abuses), they put a sci-fi veneer over it.

Suddenly they’re trained assassins who are brainwashed into being trained assassins…? As if the horrors of the Red Room aren’t enough without the total removal of agency (and it’s handled with so much less grace than say Bucky Barnes’ experience, who breaks his own conditioning). The Widows spend the entire movie as nameless victims waiting for rescue and get absolutely no scenes of agency even when they’re freed.

To me, it undermined the whole trafficking commentary. They remained nameless. They remained victims. They remained waiting for rescue. But at least they’re not forgotten? Yeesh. It flattens the experience of real trafficked people and their resiliency. I think there was a way to both honor survivors and honor those who didn't survive and the movie didn't get that balance.

-I think a lot of other people have already pointed out that this movie feels like Black Widow 2 and we’re missing parts 1 and 3. Telling this story now is a let down. That Black Widow’s only movie is about passing the torch after she’s already dead is a disappointment (and that’s not a criticism of Yelena - who is pure gold in this movie). I left the movie still feeling like Nat herself was hollow, that she didn’t get the earnestness of Yelena’s character. She had an endearing moment of watching spy movies and a beautiful childhood opening and then she gets lost in her own movie bouncing from one fight to another. It was sad as hell. I wanted this to be about her time in the Red Room, her escape from the Red Room, her experiencing what it means to have freedom to decide.

-They really ruined that beautiful moment of Yelena mourning Nat with Val showing up. Look I don’t care if it would’ve been predictable, that movie would have hit harder if Nat whistled back. They didn’t even have to show her. It could have just ended that way.

Overall, I enjoyed it as a movie. I don’t know that I enjoyed it as Black Widow’s ONLY movie.