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roidepoison · 2 months

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Reo Mikage is Actually Great BPD Representation- Some Thoughts

So I had the extremely unfortunate experience of being exposed to Blue Lock (unfortunate because it's all my tiny pea brain can think about now), and while it is absolutely full of silly guys whose brains I want to pick, this little bugger really stood out to me. The second he came onto the screen, I KNEW I smelled the borderline on him. As I watched the series and read the manga, I noticed he is actually an incredibly well-written depiction of someone struggling with BPD. Reo is a super layered character and my favorite hobby is picking apart those layers and yapping incessantly about them, so here we are. I want to write this analysis for a few reasons:

1.) Too many people misunderstand Reo and categorize him as dramatic or childish without any elaboration and he deserves a proper character deep-dive. I think him being borderline explains a LOT of his reactions/choices throughout the story.

2.) Borderline representation is extremely important to me. I'm diagnosed borderline and have struggled with this disorder for around ten years now, so I get really excited when I spy BPD-coded characters (especially if they're likable people and not just ghoulish irredeemable villains or manic pixie dream girl characters). This disorder can be so isolating, especially when the majority of people will never even bother to research or understand it. I know that some people like to chalk Reo's emotional reactions up to him being a moody 17-year-old, but I think I have enough evidence to prove that this is undiagnosed BPD that's festering in his noggin. Not to mention, literally nobody else acts like this in the series. Reo is incredibly unique and distinct in the way he behaves through this narrative and I think it's way past the point of normal teenage angst. Regardless, believe what you want. He'll always be my borderline princess tho <3

3.) I have a master's degree in English and what good is that if I don't write long, painful, pointless essays on anime guys? Not that this is exceptionally well written, I just like to laugh at myself for getting a whole M.A and then this is the shit I publish online lmao

By the end of this, I hope I can shed some light on wtf is going on inside of Reo's silly little head. (I'm also obviously not a psychologist, don't use any of this to diagnose yourself pls I don't need the scandal)

If you want to read, buckle up, because this is gonna be a long one!

First, let me define BPD- It's a personality disorder characterized by a long-standing pattern of instability in mood, interpersonal relationships, and self-image. At its core, it is a disorder categorized by emotional dysregulation (the inability to regulate one's emotional responses) People with BPD feel everything EXTREMELY hard. That's important to keep in mind IMO, because while their reactions may seem dramatic or extreme, what they're feeling IS dramatic and extreme. Everything they're feeling is amplified, so their reactions are amplified. Obviously from the outside, people assume it's an overreaction since they can't see what's going on inside the borderline's head. When you sit down and dissect the thought process of someone like Reo, it becomes a lot easier to understand why they react the way that they do to certain situations.

(Also, I'm not going to reiterate more than once that an explanation is not an excuse to treat people poorly. I cannot read ANYTHING on BPD without hearing every 2 minutes how the disorder isn't an excuse to hurt other people. We get it!! I'm explaining it, not excusing it. This enter essay is an analysis of why someone acts the way they do, not whether or not it's excusable)

So then, what behaviors/signs does somebody need to exhibit to receive a borderline diagnosis? The 9 diagnostic criteria for BPD are as follows:

1. Fear of abandonment

2. Unstable or changing relationships

3. Unstable self-image; struggles with identity or sense of self

4. Impulsive or self-damaging behaviors

5. Suicidal behavior or self-injury

6. Varied or random mood swings

7. Constant feelings of worthlessness or sadness

8. Problems with anger, including frequent loss of temper or physical fights

9. Stress-related paranoia or loss of contact with reality

Someone would only need 5 of these to receive a proper diagnosis. Just with the main story and the spin-off manga that is currently released, I think I have enough evidence to argue that Reo has 8 out of 9 criteria for a BPD diagnosis. For the sake of organization, I’m gonna group some of those together though, indicated by a + symbol. I also want to define a few important terms before I start yapping, so that y'all without BPD can understand wtf I'm even talking about.

Favorite Person (fp) - This is someone who holds massive significance in a borderline's life. They emotionally depend on this person a lot and to a certain extent, their worldview almost revolves around them.

Splitting- the change in perception of someone or something caused by black-or-white thinking or dichotomous thinking. It is the devaluation of someone who was once idealized and vice versa.

Mirroring (aka: the chameleon effect)- the constant, unconscious change in one's identity or sense of self by imitating another person’s behaviors, characteristics, or traits. It is common in people who have a vacant or distorted self-image which is a general symptom of BPD.

Now, time for me to break down the most prominent moments where Reo showcases borderline behavior. As I mentioned, I'm going to try and organize this under each criteria point (with some being grouped together)

Unstable self-image; struggles with identity or sense of self:

Before I delve into Reo's relationships, I want to start with his baseline sense of identity. It’s established early on that Reo is a very bored, empty, unsatisfied person. Nothing excites him, nothing motivates him, and everything is handed to him. He’s frustrated because his parents notoriously try and buy his affection even though he doesn't want anything. For most of his life up until the narrative starts, he's wandering through life empty and frustrated. That is, until he finally sets his sights on soccer and decides to dedicate his life to winning the World Cup:

The wording, 'proves my existence' is interesting here. I think this is the first instance Reo has felt alive. So far, the only notable thing about him has been his family and his money. He hasn't achieved anything exceptional for himself, but now he has that opportunity. With this goal, he can really build something up from nothing and make it his own. It's almost like he's clinging to this dream to prove that he has some purpose in his life other than being the family heir.

Now, this dream changes when he meets Nagi, of course. I'm not gonna focus too much on their relationship in this section, but I will mention that meeting Nagi shifted Reo's entire dream, and not for the better. Through the narrative, his dream went from:

Winning the World Cup

Winning the World Cup with Nagi

Proving to Nagi that leaving him behind was a mistake

Improving himself and becoming a good striker on his own

Being a tool for Nagi to become the best striker

Had Nagi not come in and ask for Reo to come back to him, I think Reo could have done a great job at establishing his own sense of identity without Nagi. But no matter how much he works on himself, with Nagi in the picture, he's never going to value himself more than Nagi. Reo lets Nagi cloud his identity to the point where Isagi calls him out and asks what he's even doing at Blue Lock in the first place, since he clearly can't survive on his own, he needs Nagi with him.

After dealing with the turmoil of being abandoned by Nagi, Reo goes through a few stages. He starts with wanting to become somebody worthy of being beside Nagi, somebody that Nagi would want to choose. Devoting himself to becoming stronger and more versatile, his end goal is to have Nagi realize he made a mistake by leaving him behind. After a few more matches, Reo starts to realize that he needs to grow and change and become a stronger, better version of himself for himself and not for other people.

He decides that the fight was all his fault to begin with, that he should have never forced Nagi to play soccer and now he is going to get back to what his dream was originally, combined with his new desire to be a stand-alone player (and person, for that matter). Reo accepts the mistakes that he made, admits that he shouldn't have forced his ideals onto Nagi, and resolves to become a better person for HIMSELF. That's excellent!

Of course, Reo can't be happy for TOO long. Nagi comes out of the woodwork saying that he can't beat Isagi on his own and asks for Reo's help. Reo does stand up for himself a bit, saying that Nagi is being inconsiderate of his feelings and mentioning how long it took for him to recover from Nagi leaving. Now, the BPD trait here is how Reo not only forgives Nagi and is jumping on him and hugging him THE NEXT PAGE, but he also just disregards everything he said in this sequence. In a matter of two minutes, he no longer wants to be a player that can fight on his own or improve for himself, he wants to improve for Nagi. He starts ruminating again about how hurt he was when Nagi left, but now he's saying all of it wasn't so that he could get stronger individually, it was so that he could be reunited with Nagi again. Nagi asking for his help and saying that now they can play together again motivate Reo more than anything we've seen so far. (Nagi notoriously throws Reo little affection crumbs like this that Reo eats up, but I'm not trying focus on that) Now, Reo's alright with being a tool for Nagi's success again. Everything that happened was supposed to make him stronger so he could be a better partner to Nagi, right? Reo also says as the chapter ends, to please let him be a part of Nagi's dream until Nagi becomes the world's best striker. That's literally so sad!

He's also immediately back to the 'our' 'we' 'us' talk as well. If he can master his chameleon style in order to keep Nagi above the rest of the players, he wont get left behind again. If he devotes his time and energy into being a solo striker like the rest of these guys, Reo knows that he wont be able to keep up. This was always supposed to be his role, right? Building Nagi up to his full potential! :*)

I also like the detail that Reo is back to hugging Nagi and holding him, but Nagi never really touches him back. I think Reo's love language is touch for sure, not that it's incredibly relevant, but I do think it shows that Reo is back to being 100% comfortable around Nagi as if their fight never happened. I hear a lot of fans asking how Reo could have forgiven Nagi so easily, and I say this with my entire chest, it's the BPD. The black-and-white thinking combined with Nagi being Reo's fp and the excruciating pain of being abandoned by him in the first place ?? Of course he's going to take him back. Also, I've seen people blame Reo for not saying no to Nagi when he asks for help and I have to say that is an absolutely insane take. How are we gonna look at a panel where Nagi asks for help and then blame Reo for helping him?? I'm not going to focus on it too much in this post but in my opinion, it is crazy how little accountability both the narrative + fans give Nagi. Reo is pegged as responsible for both of their downfalls and it's nuts tbh.

Currently in the story, I think Reo's identity is still centered around Nagi. It's really easy for borderlines to structure their entire lives and personalities around their favorite person, but I can only hope that these two keep having open and honest discussions with one another. Hopefully, Reo will eventually learn that he can exist without Nagi and that he's more than just 'his arms and legs'.

Unstable or Changing Relationships:

The most notable relationship in Reo's life is Nagi. They're both each other's first real friends, which already sets up a less-than-ideal dynamic. Nagi has no idea how to communicate and he has pretty weak emotional intelligence. On the other hand, Reo is great at communicating, but he isn't used to regulating his emotions. For a lot of borderlines, they can go a very long time without experiencing any symptoms when they don't have a favorite person. When you think about it, the bulk of the disorder is shown through those interactions with other people. If Reo has never had a real friend in his life, I don't think he'd be used to the emotional turmoil that comes with having a fp.

The minute Reo meets Nagi, he's attached. All his classmates notice it, too. They question why Reo is suddenly so obsessed with this random kid who has no interest in him. Reo is ignoring everybody that isnt Nagi.

Very quickly, Reo boils down his view of the world to being him and Nagi versus everybody else, and he makes that very clear. It also depicts something that I think is incredibly crucial to Reo’s character that a lot of people overlook; as Nagi develops to be Reo’s favorite person, Reo’s dream isnt ‘playing soccer’ anymore. It’s Nagi. It’s being with Nagi, playing soccer with Nagi, being useful to Nagi, taking care of Nagi, and being somebody important to Nagi. He doesnt teach Nagi the rules or how to actually play, he teaches Nagi how to play with him. He literally re-writes and re-structures the game so that it can center around him and Nagi. Nagi calls him out on this in the spin-off manga:

Reo doesnt care about the structure of the game, he cares about Nagi. The other people on the field don't matter. The other team doesn't matter. He also starts to unknowingly put Nagi up on a pedestal, which is another borderline trait. He starts reiterating that Nagi is special, he's different from everybody else, he's destined to achieve great things. The more he raises Nagi up, the more he isolates the two of them in his mind, reiterating the idea that it's them against everybody else. His language reflects this too: Reo exclusively talks with 'us' 'we' 'our', insinuating that they're going to do everything together.

When Ego says that there can't be two winners, Reo says that he'll make Nagi the best striker. His 'ego' will be making Nagi successful. Along with putting Nagi on this pedestal, Reo also very early on establishes the fact that he'd pick Nagi over himself any day of the week. He's the only person in Blue Lock who really couldn't care less about becoming a striker himself: his dream is to be a tool in Nagi's success. Or, in simpler terms, he wants to be useful and make Nagi happy.

These two were in trouble from the very beginning. Nagi is lazy as all hell, has 0 motivation to do anything, and his dream is to live a life of luxury and never have to work. Reo, being the borderline baddie that he is, is more than happy to do EVERYTHING for Nagi. Borderlines love extremely hard! It's one of our best traits and I think it's important to showcase that Reo is a massive sweetheart at his core. He clearly loves Nagi a lot and goes to extreme lengths to make sure he feels taken care of. To someone with BPD, NOTHING is too big of an ask for a person they love, especially if that person is their fp. I also disagree with the argument that Reo 'made' Nagi codependent. Nagi likes being taken care of, he says it all the time. If you ask me, I would actually argue that Nagi takes advantage of Reo a little bit because he knows that Reo will do anything for him. But regardless, I think that Reo starts to develop an unspoken expectation with Nagi that he'll provide him with everything he needs, and in turn, Nagi will stick around. I don't think he's doing this intentionally, nor do I think it's being done in a manipulative way. I just think that Reo has a dormant fear of being abandoned that he doesn't totally know he has yet.

It isn't just Nagi that Reo showcases having unstable relationships with, though. Zantetsu is another good example. Reo starts out disliking Zantetsu, he snaps at him a couple times, and calls him a moron more than once. He starts to warm up to him because Nagi tells him to. The favorite person has MASSIVE sway in the borderline's life. If Nagi likes someone, Reo likes them too. (This is, of course, on the condition that they aren't a threat, looking at you Isagi).

In the immediate next chapter, Reo is acting like they're all best friends. He's climbing on top of them in their big bed, saying that the three of them are gonna win their matches, being a little pookie. He goes from not liking this guy at all to considering him one of his close friends super fast. Also on the topic of Isagi, when they're making up the teams for the second selection, Nagi doesn't initially want to tell Reo that he wants Isagi on their team bc he's worried Reo will be upset. But, when he does finally say it, Reo is literally fine with it because like I said, who Nagi likes, Reo likes! On the condition that they don't replace Reo, which clearly happened soon after.

On the opposite side of the spectrum, Reo also shows how he can go from loving someone to despising him very quickly. After Chigiri and Kunigami tell him to get back up in the game post-Nagi's abandonment, we can literally see the switch flip in Reo's head:

Suddenly, he hates Nagi. Nagi's a jerk who abandoned him; he never cared about him, and he threw him away. Dude literally says "Let's kill the bastards that betrayed us". This act of unintentional devaluing is called splitting. What Reo's essentially doing is going from one extreme to the other: if Nagi isn't his perfect treasure, he's the devil that broke his heart. There's no room for a grey area. The reasoning behind borderline's developing this black-and-white mindset is rooted in self-defense. If Reo devalues Nagi into being nothing more than a traitor, then he's stripping away the power that Nagi has to hurt him. If he looks at him like a rival or a villain, it's protecting him from being hurt by Nagi again.

That doesn't mean that he genuinely believes any of this, more so, he's trying to convince himself that it's true. We see that at his core, the reason he's acting like this is because he's hurt. I'll go more into it later on, but he's constantly thinking, what does Isagi have that I don't? What do I have to do in order to win Nagi back? This black-and-white thinking is an automatic self-defense mechanism that I think he's doing subconsciously. Regardless, the shifting he's doing here can cause a little whiplash, which brings me to:

Varied or random mood swings + Problems with anger, including frequent loss of temper or physical fights:

I can’t think of a better way to describe Reo's temperament than the wiki, so let me quote it: "Generally, he seems to feel every emotion with full force and is extremely aware of his own faults and shortcomings, which is evident in several instances of painful breakdowns shown in the spin-off manga. Due to his high emotionality, he can even get violent when he loses his temper."

Reo is characterized as being emotionally unstable. When he's happy, he's elated! When he's sad, he's miserable. There are a ton of scenes between the manga and spin-off manga that show how fast his emotions can flip, but this one was one of my personal favorites:

In this scene, Reo has developed a little scheme in the dining hall where the guys are trading their side dishes. At face value, a throwaway moment. But, I think it's worth looking at because not only does this show Reo's emotional response being triggered in an opposite, semi-extreme direction, but the root cause for the reaction was that he felt rejected by Zantetsu. In his own weird way, he's asking Zantetsu to come over and hang out with him. He's not being exceptionally clear with that message, but I can still pick up on it. "You wanna join in, don't you?" He's extending the invite, making himself vulnerable, and Zantetsu shoots him down by saying nah, I'm fine with my noodles. Reo JUMPS on him like YOU KNOW WHAT? I TOOK THAT PERSONALLY! lol. Jokes aside, I think this moment is a great one to argue Reo's BPD tendencies because it's such a seemingly mundane interaction. Even Zantetsu is surprised by Reo's random outburst. This also sets up the fact that one of Reo's most obvious triggers is being rejected/abandoned/betrayed, an extremely common one between those of us with BPD.

Other instances of Reo having a bad temper are a lot more obvious. In the match against teams V and Z, Reo straight up elbows Raichi in the throat, and then tries to go throw hands with Kuon for hurting Nagi. He only stops because if he gets into any more fights, he’ll get thrown out of the game and won't be able to play with Nagi anymore. He’s visibly pissed though and calls Team Z a joke. Hell, even Reo himself can recognize on a certain level that he can't control his emotions: they control him. They cloud his judgment and make him react in ways that he wish he didn't.

He is constantly plagued by these extreme emotional reactions that are out of his control. Not to say that people with BPD are unable to ever control their emotions, because we can! It takes time and therapy and practice though, which Reo hasn't had. His lack of regulation is also why he has such a dramatic and extreme meltdown when Nagi abandons him.

Fear of Abandonment:

Reo's biggest trigger and the cause of his inner turmoil throughout Blue Lock is his fear of abandonment. I mentioned before that I think he's had this fear dormant inside of him for a while as so many borderlines do, since he hasn't had the chance to experience it before. He alludes to it early on when they first arrive at Blue Lock:

The thought of leaving Nagi for somebody else? Reo considers that heartless. They came together, after all. They're going to win the world cup together. Nagi could break both of his legs and Reo wouldn't leave him, because again, Reo isn't there to team up with the best player and become the best striker in the world: he's there to play with Nagi!! And, like I said, in Reo's mind it's him and Nagi vs everyone else-

Reo exhibits a lot of signs early on of being jealous while they're playing in Blue Lock. I mean, as we discussed, everything should be focused around him and Nagi. When Nagi passes to Zantetsu in the team V and Y match, Reo pulls up like 'hey, why didn't you pass it to me?? ):' There are a lot of little moments like that, but Reo's jealousy is a lot more relevant to my argument after he gets abandoned by Nagi.

Let's talk about that word: abandoned. It seems dramatic, right? Reo uses that term constantly and exclusively. Every time he brings that moment up, he uses the word 'abandoned', or he'll say 'betrayed' or 'chose'. These are very definitive words. He’s not saying Nagi ditched him or flaked on him or blew him off, no; he has abandoned him. That word choice may seem disproportionate to the situation, but that's Reo's reality. This was the ultimate betrayal to him. The constant use of that vocabulary reiterates that in Reo's mind, there is no grey area. Either Nagi chooses him, or he chooses someone else. In choosing someone else, he abandons Reo. Reo is paranoid that Nagi isn't ever going to come back to him and it's because of something that Reo is lacking. How can Nagi like Isagi more than him, anyway?

Now, I do fault Nagi a bit for not communicating better at that moment. I understand that he's bad at communication, but I don't think Reo could have been more obviously upset if he tried. The dude was in TEARS. Nagi saw him devastated and then expected everything to be fine when he met him in the bathhouse? Idk. I'm going to give him the benefit of the doubt and say that he didn't realize it would upset Reo to such an extreme: maybe he thought that they would miss each other, but Reo wouldn't take it personally. I'm doing my best not to harp on Nagi since this is about Reo.

Abandonment is detrimental to people with BPD. It causes extreme inner turmoil that we see with Reo as the story progresses because it is the only thing he can think about. If he isn't trying to cover up his hurt feelings with this idea of revenge, he's self-destructing over being abandoned. He becomes obsessed with wondering why Nagi chose Isagi over him. Was there something wrong with him? Isagi isn't that impressive, why would Nagi rather be with him? These thoughts torture him endlessly and fuel his desire to 'steal' Nagi back. He literally says to Isagi, that he's going to steal Nagi back. Much to his dismay though, Reo starts to notice that Isagi is bringing out some positive traits in Nagi. Nagi's entire vibe is different with Isagi. Nagi is having fun playing soccer without Reo. In fact, he's having more fun. He's making plays he's never made before. His face is visibly different; he's more excited than before.

This is heartbreaking for Reo. Not only was he right that Isagi did have something to offer Nagi that he couldn't, but Reo is having a massive self-hate spiral during this point as well, so he's internalizing all of his flaws and mistakes while the thought is sitting in the back of his head: did Nagi actually have a good reason for abandoning me? Was I not enough to satisfy him? Did I only drag him down? This gets significantly worse the longer he watches Nagi and Isagi play:

Everything is falling apart. Nagi is doing completely fine without Reo, and Reo is an absolute mess. We're circling back to Reo's lack of identity here as well. He's watching firsthand that he's losing Nagi to Isagi: what does he do? What happens to him if he loses Nagi, who is he without Nagi? He's overwhelmed during this match and at one point Reo literally screams that he's going to tear apart their connection. Jealousy is consuming him, but it's also those feelings of inferiority and wondering if he really did deserve to be abandoned. If Nagi is so happy without him, maybe he really did have a reason. These are the thoughts that are circling around in Reo's head. Not to mention, he is constantly tortured by the flashbacks of Nagi leaving him, which I think is a great detail. Some readers might say it's just pointless recapping but I disagree, I think it's depicting how traumatic that was for Reo. As a borderline, being abandoned by your fp IS traumatic. Reo relives that moment so many times because so many things trigger it for him throughout Blue Lock. He can't even look at Chigiri and Kunigami without thinking about him and Nagi. It's a really devastating experience that quickly deteriorates him emotionally.

Constant feelings of worthlessness or sadness + Suicidal behavior or self-injury:

One of my favorite things about Reo is the fact that he is self-aware that he's behaving somewhat irrationally, but he doesn't know how to stop. When we look at one of the several times that Reo is curled up crying over Nagi, he mentions how he really did want to tell Nagi to go and have fun, but he didn't. He couldn't. The visuals shift for this too:

Reo doesnt want to be acting this way, but he can't help it, and that's frustrating to him. It makes him start feeling ashamed of himself. His inner thoughts start to spiral and he feels weak and alone. He's reflecting here on what his true feelings really were at that moment, and how scared and lonely and weak he felt as a result of Nagi leaving him behind.

These feelings quickly evolve into Reo feeling worthless and falling into bouts of self-hatred. He's so ashamed of the way he's feeling and behaving but it feels so out of his control. He says, "maybe if I hadn't gone to Blue Lock in the first place, I wouldn't have to experience this feeling." As I said before, borderline's feel things EXTREMELY intensely; the disorder is described as living with third-degree burns all over your body. Everything hurts. His feelings are so intense and all-consuming right now, it's all he can think about:

I saw some posts in the fandom reddit asking why Reo is acting like this. One in particular reads: "I get that he is betrayed and stuff but he is acting like it’s the end of the world, is it explained later why he acts like this? Is it because he doesn’t think he can win without Nagi?" Not to call this person out, I just want to answer the question in this post-

It has nothing to do with winning; it was never about winning. It was always about Nagi.

If we're looking at Reo through the borderline lens, it IS the end of the world for him. Nagi was his world. What's worse, he's fully aware that he's not acting rationally and he doesn't know why, which is making him feel ashamed and weak and embarrassed. Now I know why he's acting like this, but there are no Blue Lock psychiatrists sitting around to wack him with the mood stabilizers or the DBT handbook, so he's gonna stay feeling like a monster.

He lets these thoughts, along with the resentment and anger from being abandoned in the first place, fuel him for the second selection match. As he's watching the game play out, as Nagi is about to score the winning goal, Reo's mind starts racing with intrusive, negative thoughts.

He's praying that Nagi fails, that he gives up, that he stops trying, anything to stop that solidifying moment where he scores the winning goal and proves once and for all that not only was Reo not strong enough to stop him, but Nagi doesn't need him anymore. He catches himself really quickly, because he realizes he's sounding just like his parents. Everything is spinning out of control so bad, Reo wants Nagi to end up in a vulnerable position so that he isn't the only one falling apart. As he catches himself thinking this, he's disgusted with himself. He calls himself 'utter trash', and as he watches Nagi score the winning goal, he falls to his knees, wishing he was dead.

As he sits there decomposing in emotional turmoil and suicidal ideation, Nagi's team chooses Chigiri to join them, and it's the nail in the coffin. This is probably Reo's lowest point in the entire story IMO. Nagi comes up to compliment him on his plays and Reo shows us another classic borderline move: he's anticipating how bad it's going to hurt to be abandoned by Nagi again, so he's trying to push him away before it can happen. We see the dichotomy of his spoken words and inner thoughts here, where he's talking big game to Nagi, saying things like 'you clearly don't care about me anymore, you're throwing me away, if you're going to abandon me just do it properly', while internally he's thinking 'I'm the worst, I wish I was dead, please take this bait and break my heart so that I can self destruct in peace'.

i LOVE the visuals during this moment. This is what Reo thinks is his last line of defense, the last thing he can do to preserve any part of his dignity is to make Nagi hate him so that he'll stop throwing these crumbs of affection at him. It's also really telling that despite his switch in behavior and the devaluing of Nagi, the root of all of that is STILL that he was so hurt by the abandonment.

I don't think I need to analyze the suicidal ideation because he just straight up says he wants to die like three times in this scene but, aside from that, the visual of his inner thoughts vs what he's actually saying is so powerful. Not to mention the chameleon imagery which i'll geek out about in a second, this is another example of his black and white thinking along with the reiteration that being abandoned was literally traumatic for Reo: he says they can never go back to what they were before. Speaking as a borderline, this is painfully true. When people break my trust even in a small way, I can never view them the same as I used to. I can forgive them and let it go, but I'll never be as open with them as I once was. In Reo's shoes, he had Nagi up on this pedestal that he was perfect and would never do anything to hurt him, but he did hurt him (in the worst way possible).

After Nagi tells him he's a pain in the ass and that he doesn't care anymore, Reo thanks him for 'finishing him off'. In his mind, they're done now and he can suffer in peace and quiet without dragging Nagi down anymore.

Bonus Point: The Chameleon Effect

I LOVE THE FACT THAT HIS THING IS CHAMELEONS AHHHH

The chameleon imagery with Reo makes me INSANE dude. As I mentioned towards the beginning of this post, a part of borderline that is seldom talked about is the tendency to take on 'the chameleon effect', or mirror the people around them. REO'S ENTIRE THING IS CHAMELEONS LIKE BFFR ?? That image where he was trying to get Nagi to hate him, was before he even started using his chameleon style, it was just something the authors thought was necessary to include during Reo's mental breakdown. Aside from the cool imagery, his chameleon style is a reflection of his relationship with Nagi. He gets called a jack of all trades and a master of none early on in reference to how when he’s without Nagi, hes not really exceptional at anything. He never really took the time to master one specific thing because he was always so concerned with helping Nagi. This rings my BPD bell for a couple reasons: first of all, when you have no sense of identity and you’re worried it means you have no real personality ?? Steal one!! Take the closest person to you and copy that one. That’s something us baddies know VERY well. Also, think there’s something about you that your fp doesn’t like? Change it! You can morph into anything they want as long as it means they won’t leave you !! :*) Before he makes up with Nagi, he copies moves in hopes that it'll make him stronger and appear more desirable to Nagi. After they make up, he copies whoever he has to so that he can get Nagi to that goal and make himself useful, make himself somebody that Nagi wants to have around. It is a literal direct metaphor for him changing anything and everything about himself for Nagi and graaaahhhh it’s so cool

Reonagi ?? Some thoughts-

I want to close this yap session with my thoughts on Reonagi as a ship. I do think that they can work and I want to make that clear. I'm not on board with the 'borderlines arent capable of having loving and fulfilling relationships' crap. That being said, they both have to put in a bit of effort. Reo has already recognized a lot of his own issues. He admits that he was wrong for pushing his ideals onto Nagi, that he needs to let Nagi grow and be his own person, etc. Nagi really hasn't accepted any fault. I stand by the fact that Nagi needs to be more sensitive with Reo. Way too often when a relationship like this fails, all the blame is put on the one with borderline. I'm gonna be the outlier here and say that if Nagi cares about Reo, he needs to learn about Reo's triggers and be mindful of them. I'm not saying that since Reo is sensitive to abandonment that Nagi should just isolate himself from everybody else, but what I am saying is that when he's going to do something that doesn't involve Reo, he needs to learn how to communicate that he still loves and values Reo. "I'm gonna go play soccer with this person right now, but I haven't forgotten about our promise. When I come back, we can play together. I still love you and I'm not going to leave you for whoever tf I'm playing with rn." (sneaking that 'i love you' in bc like..they're literally canon at this point asdfghjkll) But, I do think that Nagi loves Reo and cares about him in his own way. The two of them just have to keep working on their communication skills. Nagi has the potential to have a hot rich husband who will literally bend over backward for him and buy him all the robux he could ever want, he's gotta put in a shred of effort!

I also like to think that Nagi didn’t totally get the fact that Reo doesn’t gaf about just playing soccer. Nagi thinks soccer is what they do together, it’s what makes reo happy, right? He’s always pushing him to train harder and take the game more seriously because he likes the sport, RIGHT? It would make perfect sense to go play with isagi so that he can get better at soccer and come back to reo a more improved player. Maybe that’s why he was surprised when Reo was so mad in the bathhouse, bc he wasn’t making the connection that Reo cares more about him than soccer. That Reo puts all that energy into him playing soccer because he thinks it’s something that they can have as their own, and once Nagi notices how good he is, he’ll start enjoying it and the two of them can hold hands and run around the soccer pitch!! I think Nagi missed that part tbh, and I don’t think he know that even now in the story. Maybe Reo doesn’t even notice it.

Anyway, a shameless plug to my reonagi playlist if that's your thing (i cooked with this one, i fear) https://open.spotify.com/playlist/5CsvSqmuI4cxOl1nTaV4GJ?si=737a0f21e0bd482a

Closing Thoughts:

Reo is a bpd baddie and I love him very much. I think he's a sensitive guy with a lot of feelings who would benefit from taking time to work through his trauma and his emotions. I hope that he eventually is able to build an identity for himself that doesn't involve Nagi, but baby steps, I suppose. I think Reo is a great balance of positive and negative borderline traits and he reads as a really believable and sympathetic character. He is, however, definitely that friend that you have to slap to stop them from running back to their ex.

Jokes aside though, BPD can be extremely hard to live with, even more so when it's undiagnosed and untreated. If someone you love has BPD, take the time to read up on it and do your best to understand them. I promise you, it will mean the world to them.

If you managed to get this far, thank you for reading! This was a messy stream of consciousness and I appreciate your support by listening.

#blue lock #reo mikage #reonagi #nagireo #nagi seishiro #bpd

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woodlaflababab · 3 months

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Thinking about Zuko's influence on the audience's perception of Aang, specifically in Book 1. I kinda touched on it in this post but that post is pure unsorted rambling in which I didn't get to delve as deep as I wanted. Anyway, the relevent part was:

"With this whole episode, it's just the fact that Zuko is the reason we first get to see just how fucking cool Aang is. It's so easy to be like the others in the show and see Aang for his childish antics and sweet nature, but Zuko is the one that consistently reminds us, “No, this is the Avatar. He's powerful, he's brave, he's fiercely protective, and he deserves respect and acknowledgment for that.”"

Like, I mean, the point is redundant, everyone knows they are foils, so I'm not saying anything ground breaking when I say Zuko is often the one who brings out the best in Aang and encourages him to embrace being the avatar and that a lot of Aang's strongest charater moments are because of Zuko, yada yada, okay, we know, zukaang meta 101, nobody wants to hear it

But also, Zuko's opinion of Aang is so interestingly different from everyone else's. We get a view of Aang from the pov of himself, in which we see his doubts and struggles, the pov of the gaang, through which we see his antics and improvement and flaws. We also understand the opinion of the Fire Nation abt Aang (pure threat that's weirdly small), and we get plenty on the different opinions of the rest of the world.

If you took out Zuko's reactions to Aang, you'd feel like you know pretty much all there is to know about Aang. But to Zuko, Aang is an ever present mystery. The gaang doesn't really question anything abt Aang except what he can do and the rest of their enemies don't care to know things about Aang

But Zuko does. To Zuko, Aang is a source of constant questions, and this is sometimes played as a joke (i.e. "He must be a master of evasive maneuvering." to "You have no idea where we're going, do you?") and sometimes it hits the very core of Zuko's being and changes the course of the plot, (i.e. The Blue Spirit)

Zuko is unique because, to everyone else, Aang is one of two things. A Hero, or An Threat. He is neither to Zuko.

Zuko has no desire to defeat Aang. Aang is not a Threat to him. Hell, as Iroh says, Aang actively gives Zuko hope. But Aang is also not a Hero or ally.

He is neither a protagonist or an antagonist in Zuko's story. He's a goal. And that's such a unique perspective that allows us to question who Aang is from a neutral standpoint. Who is this person who effortlessly escapes trouble while having no idea what he's doing? Who is this person who saves someone they defeated? Who is this person who looks at an enemy and says 'you remind me of my best friend'?

Who else makes us ask these questions?

Through Zuko we, or at least I, see Aang as more than a person, and more than a hero, but as this unconventional conundrum that defies expectation at every turn, baffling and beautiful. Aang is so much more than your conventional hero and nobody sees or shows us that more than Zuko.

My favorite way to look at Aang is through Zuko's eyes.

#zukaang #atla #you know what other stories have a character whos 'a goal' to the protagonist #romances #im just saying #zukaang talks #talks #just came off a long shift #so Im not entirely sure this makes sense #but I cant sleep with zukaang thoughts #woodlaflababab

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radioisntdead · 1 month

Text

inevitable

Vox x Sex repulsed! Ace Reader

Warnings:

This is short, OOC, Valentino is mentioned here unfortunately, I deleted the majority of my projecting but it's there if you squint, not my best work, I don't know what I wrote this was supposed to be something else and then it pinwheeled, reader is very much a "delay it until it bites you in the butt" person.

Song

You're growing tired of me

You loved Vox, you truly did.

You love me so hard and I still can't sleep

You loved his weird TV shaped head, the way he'd try to be all threatening but in all reality was a cowardly dork.

You're growing tired of me

Maybe it was because of the era you lived in, sexuality wasn't talked or discussed much so you didn't know exactly what you were.

You didn't look at people the same way your friends did, sure you found them beautiful, each person was unique in their own way, like how that one lady you passed by had the most beautiful eyes or how that guy's freckles reminded you of the starry night sky?

But you didn't want to undress them.

And all the things I don't talk about

You always avoided the topic of intercourse or anything beyond the more holy acts of affection like snuggling or handholding with Vox, If he brought it up you were quick to change the subject in a semi-awkward way.

Sorry, I don't want your touch

You'd move away from his hand if it traveled below your waist, you'd get up and speed walk away if needed.

It's not that I don't want you

Vox was confused because you returned his feelings, you'd engage in other acts of affection so why wouldn't you sleep with him? Was he that repulsive? Was it the TV head? The weird charger hole nipples?

Sorry, I can't take your touch

You avoided anything with erotica like the plague, Investing in a comically large can of bug spray so Valentino wouldn't come near you.

In the words of Carmilla Carmine it wasn't rocket science to figure out that you weren't into the whole sex thing.

However Vox just didn't clock that for some reason.

It's just that I fell in love with a war

You wanted to talk about it with Vox, that while you enjoyed spending time and doing things almost every other couple does, you didn't want to do certain activities.

Nobody told me it ended

But you just couldn't, everytime you wanted to bring it up you had a feeling of pure dread fill you.

And it left a pearl in my head

What if Vox didn't understand? What if everything crumbled away? What if something worse happened? There were too many liabilities.

And I roll it around every night

You knew that the longer you delayed the conversation, the worse the confrontation would be but that was a problem for future you.

You didn't like to think about it.

Just to watch it glow

For now you'd prolong it for as long as you could.

Every night, baby, that's where I go

You would watch as many trashy movies, eat at however many restaurants, and spend as much time with Vox until the inevitable happened.

Sorry, I don't want your touch

And the inevitable did happen.

It's not that I don't want you

It was after a date night, the two of you went to some new restaurant, drank wine and chatted,

Then you went home, you were ready to change into your coziest pajamas and snuggle with Vox.

However he had much different plans.

Sorry, I can't take your touch

And now you were here with Vox, with him exasperated.

"Why? Is it me? Do you not like the way I look?"

"No! I think you're very aesthetically pleasing!"

"The fuck is that supposed to mean??" He took a deep breath "Fuck, okay I don't understand, I thought that you loved me?"

"I do! Vox I do, I just don't want to do-" you made a certain motion with your hands "That."

"Okay so you don't want to-"

"Have intercourse? No I don't,"

"Why?"

"I don't know, I'm just like this, I can't change it, sometimes I'd like to just be normal for once, but I can't, I'm sorry?"

There's a hole that you fill

The silence was suffocating, the room was freezing cold.

You fill, you fill

you kept your eyes on the ground, not daring to look Vox in the eyes.

But it's just that I fell in love with a war

You heard him shuffle around before finally saying something.

And nobody told me it ended

It was inevitable, the two of you, while in other aspects were great! This was a deal breaker, and that wasn't either of your faults.

The two of you were just incompatible.

And it left a pearl in my head

Well, it was nice while it lasted.

And I roll it around every night

You sighed as you walked out of the Vee's tower, belongings in hand.

Just to watch it glow

Vox watched you leave through one of the many cameras he had around the place.

Every night, baby, that's where I go

It was time for you to move on and hopefully find someone who's on the same or similar page as you.

Just to watch it glow

Maybe a certain deer.

Good evening folks! I posted Wednesday angst on Wednesday for once! This was supposed to be posted an hour ago but a certain someone who shall not be named [Barnaby] kept smacking my face with his paw, knocking my glasses off and leaving me blind. I'm tired.

Anyways thank you for tuning in!

#hazbin hotel x reader #hazbin hotel x you #vox x reader #hazbin vox x reader #hazbin hotel vox x reader

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rose-tea-and-strawberries · 1 year

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Imagine Leona after his overblot, never taking off his gloves even when he plays magift/spell-drive life he used to, yet still seeing everyone flinch from his hands. Imagine him being thrust back to when he was young, where the whispers of the staff curled around him like he wishes his mother’s arms would have, feeling like a monster for something he doesn’t understand, didn’t ask for, didn’t want to have. Imagine him, who already saw his hands as a symbol of destruction and evil and cruelty, being shown yet again that people will only ever fear his touch.

Except, imagine that the Prefect is there. Imagine the prefect is hearing these whispers, sees the flinches, and is angry. The Prefect was there- magicless and terrified- in the middle of a sandstorm, fighting to survive and fighting to make sure her friends survive, who felt what King’s Roar does when it touches your skin, who has a matching scar with Ruggie from the battle against Leona’s blot. How can these nobodies, who have never known the sting of sand down to the molecular level act like this? How dare they, who had only seen Leona’s grumpy tsundere type of care and not the scars from the fight, now act like they understand the dangers of King’s Roar?

Imagine the Prefect, caught in this righteous anger, storming up to Leona.

Imagine Leona bracing himself for another emotional wound, knowing that from anyone- he deserves the scorn and hatred and fear that you may spew at him. He knows it will crush him in a way that no others could replicate, save maybe for the tiny cub that he pretends to not love.

Imagine the prefect stopping in front of him and grabbing his hand, taking off the gloves and placing the bare hand on their throat.

Imagine the whole school stopping.

Imagine Leona’s heart stopping.

Imagine the shaking in his hands, the weakness in his knees, the tear welling up in his inner child’s eyes when you say, for all the world to hear, “these hands aren’t evil. Leona isn’t evil. King’s Roar isn’t evil. I was there when these hands were used, when they were turned against me as weapons, but I trust them, I trust Leona.”

Imagine Leona, for the first time since his unique magic showed up, feeling someone trust him and his hands completely, without any covering or barrier or safety net. For the first time since King’s Roar ruined his life, he felt the warmth of another person on his bare hand.

Imagine Leona being able to tell his younger self that someday, he will find the most stubborn, annoying, foolhearty, beautiful, selfless, kind, amazing herbivore who will give him their lives to hold in his bare hands without flinching.

Imagine Leona being able to tell his younger self that someday, someone will love all of him, including his hands.

(My first time writing something, usually I just gush and reblog to @/scared-reader-electric-boogaloo, so let me know if this sucks or oversteps a line!)

AAAAAAAHHHHHH

ASDFGHJKLYTRTTREARSAW

THIS IS SO FREAKIN GOOD HOLY GUACAMOLE IF YOU HAVE A BLOG PLEASE SEND THE @ TO ME BECAUSE EVERYTHING ABOUT THIS IS SO *CHEF'S KISS*

I've seen the trope of character A puts the hand of character B around their throat as a show of trust in a fanfic in two other fandoms I've been in and that is literally my kryptonite because it literally put's the whole "I trust you with my life" thing in a whole new context

(I've also had this WIP/blurb of Fem!Yuu/Reader doing something similar with Rook by having him shoot an arrow at an apple on her head from a distance (probably whilst blindfolded as well) and when he releases the super sharp, pointed metal arrow, she just stares right in front of her, completely straight-faced and unblinking, without even a hint of fear - kind of like this scene from The Addams Family Musical mixed with that scene in Divergent where Four throws knives at Tris)

But you know what's great about this trope being pulled of with Leona? Since he's a lion beastman - an apex predator built for hunting prey - he has enhanced hearing which means that he can hear Yuu's heartbeat and can literally have solid proof that Yuu isn't scared since their heartrate hasn't increased a bit.

And also, he loves his herbivore so much. Who needs a kingdom or a throne when he has the world?

#asks #leona kingscholar #leona kingscholar x reader #twisted wonderland #twst #twst yuu

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nothorses · 8 months

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I saw your tags on the post about trick or treaters not speaking and I am v interested in hearing more of your thoughts on the concept of “developmental delays”! I‘ve seen the idea that disability is a construct, but I’m not as familiar with the idea that development is also a construct. You have really great takes as an educator and someone who like, actually GETS how kids work, so I am interested in your thoughts!

I also know that posting on this subject might be poking the bear, so it is 1000% cool if you would rather not comment 💜 Tysm!

Oh I'm happy to talk about it! I love talking about this stuff, thank you for asking me to 💙

This isn't exactly new ground; there's been plenty of research into and writing on the subject, and deconstructing "development" as a static concept was, ironically, a huge part of my most recent development class.

The idea is that our understanding of "benchmarks" of development, which informs the larger concept of development as a whole, is heavily rooted in the assumption that Western culture is The Standard. We prioritize walking, talking, reading, and writing, which means we cultivate these skills in our children from a young age, which means they develop those skills more quickly than they do others.

To use one of my favorite examples from Rogoff, 2003, Orienting Concepts and Ways of Understanding the Cultural Nature of Human Development:

Although U.S. middle-class adults often do not trust children below about age 5 with knives, among the Efe of the Democratic Republic of Congo, infants routinely use machetes safely (Wilkie, personal communication, 1989). Likewise, Fore (New Guinea) infants handle knives and fire safely by the time they are able to walk (Sorenson, 1979). Aka parents of Central Africa teach 8- to 10-month-old infants how to throw small spears and use small pointed digging sticks and miniature axes with sharp metal blades: "Training for autonomy begins in infancy. Infants are allowed to crawl or walk to whatever they want in camp and allowed to use knives, machetes, digging sticks, and clay pots around camp. Only if an infant begins to crawl into a fire or hits another child do parents or others interfere with the infant’s activity. It was not unusual, for instance, to see an eight month old with a six-inch knife chopping the branch frame of its family’s house. By three or four years of age children can cook themselves a meal on the fire, and by ten years of age Aka children know enough subsistence skills to live in the forest alone if need be. (Hewlett, 1991, p. 34)" (pg. 5)

In the US we would view "letting an 8-month-old handle a knife" as a sign of severe neglect, but the emphasis here is placed on the fact that these children are taught to do these things safely. They don't learn out of necessity, or stumble into knives when nobody is watching; they learn with care, support, and safety in mind, just like children here learn. It makes me wonder if Aka parents would view our children's lack of basic survival skills with the same concern and disdain as USAmerican parents would view their children's inability to read.

Do we disallow our children from handling knives because it is objectively, fundamentally unsafe for a child of that age to do so- because even teaching them is developmentally impossible- or is that just a cultural assumption?

What other cultural assumptions do we have about child development?

Which ties in neatly with various social-based models of disability, particularly learning and, of course, developmental disabilities. If your culture doesn't value the things you are good at, and you happen to struggle with the things it does value, what kinds of assumptions is it likely to make about you? How will it pathologize you? What happens to that culture if it understands those values to be arbitrary, in order to accommodate your unique existence?

#education #childcare #disability #ftr I am specifically saying that it adds an important and interesting dimension to models of disability based on the social model #because disability is a complex combination of social/cultural and legitimately limiting factors that people to this day #are still trying to define in an inclusive and effective way #(and probably will be forever because it's so tied up in social/cultural and political stuff)#I dont want to imply that disability is 100% entirely made up- but it also isn't 100% entirely 'objective physical reality' or whatever.#its complicated. ill have better thoughts when im not just like 5 weeks into my first disability studies class lmao

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none-house-left-grief · 7 months

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can i say that as a butch lesbian seeing so many people turning a butch character into a trans man or giving her top surgery feels very invalidating its like people connect being a masculine woman with being a man and it's not a good feeling. i know its not done to hurt me or women like me but y'know. why aren't as many people turning non butch characters into trans men? y'know what im saying? we're not the same thing

Hey, fellow butch here. I personally like to see and draw Gideon with top scars because I myself have chest dysphoria and it feels good to see something I want for myself in a character I already feel really connected with. I understand the feeling of frustration when people characterize or see characters in a different way that just doesn't resonate with you, but personally, I haven't seen a single instance of people making Gideon a trans man specifically. Trans man is not the same as transmasculine, which a lot of butches identify as/with.

I don't understand the purpose of sending me an ask like this. Are asking me not to draw or reblog art of Gideon as transmasc? Are you just venting out a frustration you have? In either case, just go touch grass. I'm not your dad, I'm just some guy with a blog and like 2000 followers. I don't want to come off as mean but you are responsible for curating your online space and for regulating your own thoughts and emotions. I won't tell you not to be upset but I will say this: I have never seen a character in popular media that has top scars and is also butch. I like seeing people do this because it is a representation I simply just don't get. It's okay not to like it or agree but you need to understand that people do it for a reason. It's not to invalidate you and your identity, but to make themselves feel seen.

Btw, cis women can get top surgery too. It's not specifically about making butches into men (which feels a little TERF-adjacent to say ngl), it's that many butches (who are by nature gender non-conforming) do irl get top surgery (and HRT, bottom surgery, etc). A lot of us use masculine names, pronouns, etc, but that doesn't mean we're trans men. That also doesn't mean if you do feel connected to womanhood, feel at home in your own body, or are in general the more normative cis butch that you're not a real butch. Groups aren't monoliths and butches are very diverse and unique. Nobody can tell you who you are or what to do with your own body, so it feels unrealistic to tell others what to do in a similar regard (not to mention Gideon is not real so it literally doesn't matter)

#not tlt #asks #anon #transmasc gideon nav #gideon nav

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kadextra · 9 months

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having many thoughts about “you have only seen me when I’m crazy” because. yeah

q!Bagi doesn’t have the frame of reference everyone else does. she never knew q!Bad when he was red colored, and the responsible calm egg babysitter. she isn’t aware of how drastic this shift in him is. yet this new island arrival is SUPER worried for him, even more than the islanders who knew him before and got to watch his descent into madness in real-time. there can be multiple reasons for that

all the islanders have a prior perspective of q!Bad being the person who they rely on to help with anything. even if they see him going kinda crazy exploding mines & the changes of his appearance, this is q!Bad we’re talking about! the resident capable & put together guy, he always helps so they may think he knows how to handle it.

and you bet they have so much faith he will recover from… whatever is happening to him, as he always does from any difficult situation. this faith is why they have always trusted q!Bad with the lives of their kids. just gotta give it some time, because everything will be okay once the eggs return, right? (nobody knows the extent of the damage and the lines he crossed. he will have severe consequences)

the majority don’t continue prodding q!Bad with questions when he puts on the denial mask and starts lying to their faces, because they are also doing the same thing. everyone is going through their own unique sorrow, pain & self-isolation arc rn, so the focus/energy in worrying for others is kinda dulled… it’s understandable. the entire island is experiencing grief, so they accept q!Bad is too and don’t bug him much. however, even if they aren’t in the trenches always pushing him for answers, there’s still many people (like forever, baghera, etoiles) who are keeping a watchful eye on his declining condition. <3

q!Bagi is a very different situation though. “you have only seen me when I’m crazy” he’s right. Bagi is the only person on the island to have this unique perspective & understanding of q!Bad. she lacks all of the points above: doesn’t see him as the reliable guy, has no reason to put extreme faith in him, and isn’t emotionally damaged from grief. arriving with nothing, she sees the facts presented in front of her- a kind person she has spent lots of time with and considers her best friend, who is spiraling out of control and needs help.

it’s amazing how quick she adapted to his behavior and doesn’t accept his lies. Bagi is an investigator at heart and puts hard pressure on him to open up, the only other person doing that is q!Foolish. she doesn’t believe Bad is in a state that can be easily recovered from, rather that he is getting worse, and is scared that one day it’ll become too late and he will literally fade away if no action is taken. so she has been running around with urgency, catching onto any piece of relevant info about the eggs, his condition, anything she can use to help him ASAP.

…I want to really stress again how she has never known a version of q!Bad that isn’t flawed and broken. but she still sincerely says “I care about you and will do everything in my power to help you.” and that’s just. ough :(

of course q!Bagi would be the only person who he openly admits not being okay to <3

#i am brainrotting so hard about this duo i Love them #qsmp #qsmp bagi #qsmp badboyhalo #qsmp character analysis #long post #text post #q!bagi you are so dear to me #dang this post is lots of words but ig that’s how it happens sometimes #madrugaduo

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lizzaneia-elizalde · 6 months

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Male Yandere Parasite x Female Wife Reader

Inspired from Tomie, but what if a human scientist decided to genetically alter himself to be able to move from one host to another, taking over their body, and replacing the original host entirely? (Original host is dead, with their body acting as a husk puppet for yandere parasite). Yandere parasite decided to do this to try and achieve immortality so he could be with reader darling (literally) forever. The “only problem” is that he has to convince her now to let him do the same procedure on her so they both can be together forever…

This definitely goes into the body horror genre, so I don’t want you to freak out from potential graphic writing if you’re uncomfortable writing it. Stay in your comfort zone as always! I just thought this’d be a fun take on the “eternal soul mates” trope

Thanks!!! 💝

Yandere! Male! Parasite x Female! Professor! Wife! Reader

💝anon, this tested me ways I don't think is possible. But damn was it enjoyable to write.

For your other requests, I have to reject some ideas ;-; Don't get me wrong, your ideas are fantastic, but the requests reached my quota and I spun the wheel to choose which requests to do TT__TT

Not just 💝's requests too, some of others got rejected also due to again, having reached the quota already huhuhu.

Yandere! Parasite name: Acheron

Immortality. A lot of people want to live forever. Some go through the supernatural route, some religious, and some the scientific route of insanity.

Acheron has always been the weird kid.

A lot of people doesn't understand his genius, and his fixations on parasites didn't really help people understand his unique understanding of the world.

And he, who doesn't really see the importance in human interaction, didn't care to connect with people also.

He's quite cold, always had a perpetual annoyed look in his face, and doesn't smile until he talks about parasites.

He's in his own little world, in his own little space.

Yet, Acheron, despite being an unusual genius in his family, can only be reclused so much until he needs to actually go fight in the real adult world.

After graduating with a parasitology degree, he was lost, and didn't know what to do.

Sure, he could work in labs and study parasites as much as he wants, but working in a lab with other scientists that can be potentially more knowledgeable than him doesn't really sit well.

He's quite arrogant in his own right.

So, setting up a lab in his own home, he started to do experiments by himself.

Nobody to tell him that his experiments are unethical, nobody to tell that he's doing too much, nobody to tell him that "No, Acheron, using people for your parasitic experiments is bad!"

Well, who is the bad person now, huh?

He looked up at the vial in front of him. It was weird, seeing this small parasite wriggle and write letters on the glass with its slime.

The consciousness of the person he kidnapped to experiment on has transferred to this little worm.

And, on the table, is a comatose body who's only alive due to the machinery.

Never mind that the parasite spelled "HELP ME" on the glass, he just continued to place the parasite up the nose of the comatose body.

And, as he got out of the experimentation room and locked it up, he smirked once he saw the body twitch and writhe, and by the two hour mark, the man was slamming the glass walls, demanding to be let go and for him to return to his old body.

Acheron lets out a loud, triumphant, yet cruel laugh.

Consumed by his own ego, pride, and desire for immortality, he finally made the perfect vessel to be immortal himself.

He punched the red button and turned his back on the man, whose coughs and wheezes so as his pleadings turned to quiet murmurs. And, a sound of a falling body was heard.

And that is the story of how the first immortal emerged from a humble, blood filled, homemade lab.

It was the year 20XX, 50 years after the mysterious disappearance of Acheron in his home. It was burned down, but not a body was found.

Well, his body is not found.

Countless bodies were found under his garden, and one was found inside the burnt home. Including his parents.

There is no clear factor on which targets Acheron picked. All of them were at random.

But all of them had one thing in common. Inside of them were some type of parasite that was unknown.

It seems genetically modified, but was too dead or too burnt to be identified properly.

He's known as the parasitic recluse, as he's rarely seen outside of his, well, his parents' home, and that he's a parasitologist.

People theorized on what he did, and why was he experimenting. Did his parents knew about his work? Or are his parents in on it?

It was skin crawling, thinking what Acheron might have done to these people.

It's the start of the new semester in all of educational facilities. In one of the Ivy League Universities, one of the beloved professors in the biology department is walking towards the field to induct the new professors which just got hired.

Young as he may, he smiled at the students and co-personnel passing by him as took his place in one of the chairs.

It's Acheron, who took over the body of a well known parasitology professor in the University. After he passed by the office one day with his previous body, the professor coincidentally got a heart attack and died. So, he transferred bodies and framed it that his previous body was the one who got a heart attack.

It's been three years since then, and he finally got access to a bigger lab, and more knowledge from this body's previous knowledge.

He's thriving immensely. Immersed in work, experiments, and research now that he has all the time in the world. Honestly, this would have been such a heartfelt want if not for the fact that he did horrible experiments to people to gain such power.

Once the speakers played a royalty free music to start the ceremony, Acheron stood tall and scanned the new professors before landing his eyes on a starry eyed woman.

His heart raced a bit as he saw you look at him with such adoration, like he was your idol.

It was... Refreshing. He's never been looked up to like this, even before the ceremony.

After the inauguration, you hopped towards him with a grin. He also had a small smile.

"Sir [redacted]!" You cheerily said, pertaining to the person Acheron is occupying now. "I'm such a big fan of yours! Your researches, and I have a collection of parasites you discovered!"

Acheron chuckled liking your enthusiasm. It feels good to have such a fan like yourself.

"Well, thank you, miss..?"

"Y/N!"

"Y/N..." The way your name rolled off his tongue felt good, but he doesn't know why.

"May I invite you to drink some coffee, sir? I really want to talk to you more..." You shyly said, holding his hand.

He cleared his throat, suddenly shy and hot.

For the first time in his life/ves, he felt attraction, a simple crush wanting to bloom to a bigger thing. It's scary, but his heart yearned for more. After years of being barren, you burrowed yourself into a you-shaped hole in his heart and refused to be let out.

Slowly his fixation got a one up. Other than parasites, he's fixated on you.

Dating him is fun. Although, there are some times he gets a bit too jealous and possessive. He told you he planted some trackers in you, he's confrontational about your other co-workers and even students, and threatened to kill himself if you leave him.

It was extreme that even Acheron is winded by how extreme he is. But does he care? Somehow, but his heart was too much to be dictated.

And you, the blind person you are due to idolization, ignored these red flags and married him only after 6 months of dating.

After marrying, on your 1st year anniversary, he revealed everything.

And I mean, everything.

Acheron fully became comfortable around you.

He's much more lenient now as he studied researches and experimented with parasites.

It was weird, seeing him suddenly become so complacent with you. When he's such a red flag before, now it's almost a complete 180.

Did his insecurities die off..?

Now that you say that, he's really busy these days.

Maybe that's why he doesn't really have time for you anymore?

Somehow, that upset you a lot.

So, you confronted the guy in the laboratory you and him shared.

Opening the door slightly, you poked your head through the opening and saw him experimenting on a worm. The worm wiggled, as if spelling something.

Your heart trembled. Yes, you love Acheron, but sometimes, he does freak you out.

"Acheron? Are you busy?" You whispered, a bit of a sad edge on your voice.

"Hmm?" He looked up at you and grinned. "Love! How are you?"

He took off his gloves and went up to you. Hugging your body against him excitedly.

"What do you need?"

"Um, actu--"

"Well, whatever. Love! I finally remade the parasite!"

Your stomach dropped. Suddenly feeling dread on your stomach.

"P-parasite..?"

"Yes."

He grabbed a vial and showed you a worm suspended in water. It was just calmly wriggling around.

"I want you to inhale this, alright? Don't worry, it will only hurt a bit." He said with a manic grin.

Your heart pounded, your trembling eyes looking at the vial and back to him.

You could see parasites wriggling around in his eyes.

"Come on love, don't worry. It's completely safe!"

He held your shoulders, gripping it strong that you can't even break out of his hold.

You can't run.

You wanted this relationship.

So suffer the consequences.

"We will be together, forever!"

#lizzaneiaelizalde #yandere writing #yandere imagines #yandere boyfriend #yandere male #male yandere x reader #tw yandere #yandere x darling #yandere x you #yandere fic

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lunareiitic · 1 month

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Ahead of 2.2 tonight, I'm thinking about prisoners.

2.1 Spoilers ahead: be warned.

It was pointed out to me earlier today that when Sparkle references "two mutes" to Aventurine, that she could be referring to several people. The other mute initially appears to be Robin, since she's dead and a singer who can no longer sing. But, on reflection, Sunday has been muted just as much. In Concerto For Two, she notes with bitterness that she feels that "their" dream hasn't been realized, perhaps implying that her dream was always to share the stage with Sunday as equals.

Aventurine is a prisoner in many respects: this is simple and easy to understand. One of his Eidolon's is literally called "Prisoner's Dilemma". Penacony used to be a prison complex, and it still is, after a fashion. As I often say "if you wish to escape, but cannot, it is a prison. If you cannot escape but do not wish to do so, it is a fortress." Sunday, who seems so preoccupied with the past: he keeps a framed Concerto For Two light cone in his office, he's the first to call out Gallagher's trait amalgamation of every person he's ever loved, he's the nominal head of the Oak Family: Penacony's administrative branch. He wants to preserve the life he's built up for himself and his sister, and now is suffocating under the bureaucracy he so longed to control. Now, with the one thing he was so desperate to keep lost, he isn't even allowed the space to publicly grieve. Muted, not unlike a jazz trumpet. Firefly, trapped in her own body, slowly but surely losing herself. It's clear that the SAM armor might be some kind of stopgap measure (or perhaps its her unique condition that allows her to pilot it), but her confession in 2.0 didn't seem to be lies. She gains nothing by lying about that. Penacony is a paradise for someone like her, whose reality is so bleak. There's a reason she doesn't play her hand as early as she could: and part of that is probably plot reasons, but part of that feels... sentimental. She didn't want to tarnish the Trailblazer's memory of her: preferable to die and be replaced than to betray them. That's very natural, isn't it? That desire to prolong something sweet, even though it's impossible. And then there's Robin: prisoner in ways that reflect the three we've already met. Her trailer makes key note of this: the celebrity, the sexualization, the objectification, the derealization that comes with being such a pivotal cultural icon. If she feels that Sunday doesn't share her dreams, it's clear that he doesn't realize this: look and see his arm shining her halo in the opening of her trailer. Her very own brother, her closest guardian, being the architect of her torment. He's rather mythologized her, hasn't he? Even to her only family, Robin is a legendary figure, a perfect angel that cannot do wrong, on whom all of Penacony rests. It's interesting how once she starts fantasizing, all of the people in her mindscape become puppets or shadows: people about as real to her as she is to the masses. Sunday isn't there at all: nobody is. How much has happened since he joined the Oak Family and she (assumedly) joined the Iris Family?

A popular theory: what if Robin isn't dead? What if she faked her own death, as Firefly did? She clearly couldn't escape on her own, with her fame and importance to the Family's public image. Gallagher doesn't give Sunday an answer about why he used Death on Robin. What if she felt it was better for him to think her dead, than to think of her as a traitor?

#hsr #aventurine #robin hsr #sunday hsr #firefly hsr #hsr spoilers

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my-mt-heart · 5 months

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Why "Unconventional" Daryl Matters

Daryl is my favorite male character on television. In fact, he was the first male role model I had after growing up with men who were always quick to anger, shouting at others, breaking things, and throwing tantrums. Norman's portrayal showed me that men have the ability to choose kindness, tenderness, and true love even if nobody taught them how when they were kids.

Daryl’s “unconventional” masculinity is what makes him so unique. He doesn’t make speeches or push to be the leader. Yes, Rick is a strong character, but I love Daryl because he isn’t Rick or any other male character on the show. Daryl is a trailblazer who breaks several stereotypes. Having spoken to so many other Caryl fans, I know Daryl's backstory and his devotion to Carol give them hope that they too can rise above their trauma.

Because of Norman and Daryl, so many fans feel more comfortable opening up about childhood or sexual abuse despite the stigma surrounding it. Daryl's representation is especially empowering to men who were abused or neglected for not conforming. He showed them what it means to be a kind, emotionally intelligent man. He did that. That's something I hope Norman is very proud of. The writers may have created a powerful emotional arc, but he is Daryl. No other actor could've captured Daryl's nurturing side that effortlessly – sometimes with just a simple look or touch or tone of voice – and balanced it with all of his epic moments. That's all him.

Most people understand that the purpose of my campaign over the past couple years was to demonstrate Melissa's and Carol's vitality to the show, but that's not all. I was advocating for Daryl's character integrity too. His fierce loyalty, vulnerability, and devotion to Carol all make him heroic in my eyes and they all go hand-in-hand, but when Daryl starts questioning where he belongs after spending only a short time with new characters and when his feelings get buried under layers of subtext, then my investment in him starts to feel misplaced, which hurts a lot because of the personal connection I've made with him. It makes Daryl's character growth from a lone wolf to a committed family man seem fruitless if he can just find a "surrogate" family somewhere else. Do I think the story will ultimately lead to Daryl making that choice? No, but my point is, it isn't clear why he could never choose anyone other than Carol and TF. And it needs to be. Norman said Daryl is someone who "wears his heart on his sleeve." That's the Daryl I root for. That's who I want to see more of. I miss him terribly.

Again, Daryl inspired a generation of young men to refuse the toxic male stereotype, and taught them how to choose kindness and how to love fiercely. Daryl’s love for Carol showed so many women that they deserve to be treated with love and respect by their partners. I'm excited to see more of Daryl who knows where he belongs and isn’t afraid to show his love for Carol. I want the trailblazer who stands up for who he is and doesn’t fall into toxic masculine traps – because that ain’t him.

#caryl #daryl dixon #norman reedus #the book of carol #twd caryl

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loumandiel · 6 months

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Armand and the Romani

I’ve mentioned many times now that I think it would be really interesting and fitting if Armand in the show was Romani and that’s my personal interpretation of his character until proven otherwise. I don’t think it’s necessarily very likely going to be canon, especially when writers rarely remember Romani people exist, but like I’ve said this is like the only show in the world I think could be smart enough to understand how deeply the history of race and racism in Europe (which we know they’re going to address) is intertwined with the history of the Roma people, so you never know. I’ve seen an interesting theory that Armand could be a Tatar and I think that’s the most likely route they’re going to go, but I think him being Roma or some other ethnicity is still a possibility. Furthermore, because of the Roma people’s unique history he could actually be both Tatar and Roma at the same time, especially if he’s from Ukraine like in the books (more on this later). I wanted to elaborate on why Armand’s character and IWTV in general resonate with me so strongly, why I think Armand being Roma could bring a lot to the show and fit thematically, and how if Armand had a Roma background it would influence the way he acts.

Just as a foreword this post is long as HELL as I’ll be talking about Roma people with an assumption that most readers don’t know much about them, and it involves heavy generalization by necessity. I want to emphasize that Roma people are a very heterogeneous group that have very diverse experiences and practices depending on where they live, my experiences don’t apply to all Roma, and I’m not speaking for all Roma. I don’t know much about the Roma in France or Ukraine (which would be relevant for this conversation) other than what google can tell me and I don’t really trust it because much of the information you find on the internet is written by non-Roma people. So when I say something is a part of Roma culture, I mean really that it’s in my subjective experience a part of the traditional Roma culture in my country. The customs may vary a lot even between families in a same region, and the modern Roma and those with mixed ancestry (like me) don’t always follow traditions. I feel I need to stress this because there are a lot of (often negative) misconceptions of the Romani and I don’t want to further contribute to them or just replace them with different misconceptions. Content warning for discussion on sexual and racial violence and the Holocaust.

The history of the Roma people

The Romani (also called Roma, Rom and other variations) are a traditionally nomadic ethnic group originating from the northern India. The Roma are often confused with other itinerant people like Irish Travellers and the Yenish but are a separate group. Note also that the word ‘gypsy’ is considered pejorative and most Roma people dislike being called that, and the Roma have nothing to do with the country of Romania, the names are etymologically unrelated. The Roma people are divided in many different subgroups, and many facets of the Roma culture are easier to understand if you know that it was originally a clan culture like many nomadic cultures.

The Romani diaspora has spread to everywhere in the world (the biggest Roma populations are in U.S and Brazil) but is the most concentrated in Europe where they came through Persia in the Middle Ages, with most European countries today having a Roma minority of 0,5%-8%. The Roma population is estimated to be 10-15 million, but nobody knows for sure because many Roma aren’t included in censuses, many Roma people choose not to disclose their ethnicity due to discrimination, and some people who have Roma parentage don’t identify as Roma. The Roma identity is strongly tied to the community. A person who’s adopted or marries into a Roma family may in some cases be considered Roma regardless of their ethnic background, and an ethnically Roma person who doesn’t have connection to the Roma community and doesn't follow traditions might not be considered a real Roma (in practice the latter situation is much more common than the first one). This is relevant when talking about someone like Armand who if we follow the books was taken from his family when he was young and adopted by a white man. Regardless, the Roma are Europe’s largest ethnic minority. I don’t think statistics really matter in a fantasy horror show but it would be the most likely scenario for someone with Armand’s appearance who was born in the 1500s Europe to be Romani.

I assume the show Armand’s character and story may be largely similar to the books based on what we’ve seen, him just having been older when he was turned into a vampire, though it's unclear is he still from Ukraine. In the episode 2 we see him refer to his prayer in a language that Daniel thinks is ‘Kazakh, or 'somewhere in the Crimea’. Wikipedia suggest that it’s actually Uzbek, though we don't know does it mean Armand is definitely from Uzbekistan. Regardless, him using this language without even thinking when talking about his praying makes me think it may be his mother tongue, and we’re probably meant to think that he’s from the Eastern Europe/Central Asia region. I’m personally suspecting he could still be from the Ukraine region like in the books considering they had Daniel think of Crimea. Him using the name Armand Marius in France which is essentially a patronym also makes me think that he could be from a Slavic country. If he was Roma or from other nomadic tribe he could’ve also easily spent time in several countries. Although there is Romani language that is related to Sanskrit, most Roma speak as their native language whatever is the majority language where they live. Many Roma speak multiple languages, especially if they’re nomadic. From what we’ve seen of Armand speaking, Assad does a great job at making his accent vaguely sound like many different accents but not quite like any of them.

One of the ways the Roma are a unique group is that they’re one of the very few ethnicities in the whole world that don’t associate themselves with any country or place. Typically, even other nomadic peoples have some distant homeland or place they see themselves as connected to. The Roma don’t feel connection to any specific country or place; they have no homeland and they don’t want one either. Although in people’s perceptions the Roma are practically synonymous with free-spirited wanderers, most Roma in the modern time are sedentary, and historically when the Roma people have wandered it has often been because of persecution or trying to make a living, not by choice. Freedom and independence are important values for the Roma people, but more in the sense of being allowed to be themselves and live how they want, not necessarily physical roaming. It’s much more common for Roma people to dream of stability and having a home and secure job than of being able to wander.

Many of the perceived modern problems among the Roma can be traced to the change of work and industry from the late 1800s to the early 1900s. The industrialization and urbanization made most traditional Roma professions such as blacksmiths, craftsmen, horse traders, animal trainers and travelling salesmen and entertainers obsolete. Even though there was always prejudice against the Roma they also used to be respected for their expertise on those areas and there was positive interaction with the majority population too. Then suddenly they lost the chance to practice their old professions but lacked societal and monetary capital to learn new ones, which led to mass unemployment and poverty that still exists today. This not fitting in the modern society is a common Roma experience. In the books I feel this is reflected when the vampire characters seek ways to connect with the modern world and humanity. Armand sees Louis as such possibility, but as he in the end tells him ‘You are as cold and distant from me as those strange modern paintings of lines and hard forms that I cannot love or comprehend.’

The Roma people are defined by the dichotomy of being perpetual outsiders who never fully integrate anywhere, and on the other hand being chameleons who adapt anywhere. They often adopt the customs, language and religion of the majority population, while maintaining their own. The Roma have likely been in Europe for at least thousand years, and the earliest records of them are even older. Despite this the Roma have arguably never been fully a part of any wider society or fully accepted. It can be talked about the Roma society rather than just the Roma culture, because the Roma people often form almost a separate parallel society wherever they live. It’s common that the people from the main population don’t have any Roma friends while the Roma people don’t have any friends in the majority population, and the Roma may have little interaction and connection with the wider society. The Roma have been ostracized, but because of this long ostracization the Roma also don’t trust in the society around them and may try to limit their interactions with the majority population. As a Roma you can feel like you live behind a veil that separates you from the rest of the world and you can’t really touch and see each other. Many Roma experience the sense of profound loneliness and of rootlessness, a feeling like you don’t have the past or the future and nothing really matters. Everything above makes Rice’s melancholic, drifting, existential vampires very relatable to me.

The Roma people have been and still are associated with crime, dishonesty, uncleanness and supernatural. The Roma have often been accused of witchcraft, satanism and stealing children. Depending on the time and place people have tried to either banish or forcibly assimilate the Roma. In many countries it was legal to kill a Roma person without impunity. Historically The Roma have often been slaves or otherwise forced into labor or prevented from moving freely. For example, in Romania the Roma were kept in chattel slavery for centuries over 500 years until 1860. The first Roma in America arrived there as slaves too. Interesting in the context of the show, Spain sent Roma slaves to their Louisiana colony and at least according to Wikipedia there is an Afro-Romani community in St. Martin Parish due to intermarriage of African American and Romani slaves (I would’ve been interested to read more about this but couldn’t find much online sources). In the books Armand was abducted by the Tatars to be sold as a slave. Nowadays the term Tatar is used for different Turkic ethnic groups, but historically it was used to refer to anyone who came from the Northern or Central Asia (Tartary). The Roma people were also commonly known as Tartare/Tattare, as they came from the East too. Coincidentally some Roma are thought to have arrived in Europe as slaves of the Tatars or the Mongols. At the same time the Crimean Roma and the Crimean Tatars have a very close and unique history to the point that the Crimean Roma are commonly considered a subgroup of the Crimean Tatars. So it would actually be possible that Armand is both Tatar and Roma, especially if he comes from that region!

2. The Romani culture and relations with other people

The Roma people are often highly fetishized and oversexualized, and viewed as promiscuous and manipulatively seductive, which can also be seen in how Roma characters are depicted in popular culture. Roma people continue to be victims of sexual assault and trafficking at very high rates. Roma women are often assumed to be prostitutes or sexually available. When you see news about human trafficking in the Eastern Europe, both labor and prostitution, the victims are often Roma even though it's rarely mentioned. Many consensual sex workers are also Roma, but most of them likely wouldn’t be sex workers without poverty and if they had other opportunities. Roma children experience sexual abuse much more frequently than children of the majority population, and they're often viewed as more mature and manipulative than they are. This all reminds me of how in the books Armand was sexualized by nearly every person he comes across even when he was a child or teen. Taking Roma children from their families to exploit them or to assimilate and ‘take the gypsy out of them’ in one way or another has always been common, nowadays this often happens in the guise of child protection. Here in Finland even 50% of the Romani children in 1950-1980 were placed in state care institutions, and this continues to happen in many countries. The less fantastical version of what Armand went through with being abducted and sold and exploited by everyone including his ‘savior’ who tried to sanctimoniously civilize him is what has happened to countless Roma children over the centuries.

The traditional Roma cultural practices can be considered (when heavily oversimplifying) to be built on three pillars that are connected to each other: respecting elders, concepts of purity and impurity, and honor and shame. Most cultures probably consider respecting old people important but in the Roma culture this is deeper and more extensive than usual. Older people are treated and spoken to with very high respect, people often address even their own parents with the formal ‘you’. Being older is on itself seen as a sign of authority and younger people must always listen to their elders. This respect shows up in everywhere in daily life in both practical and symbolic ways, older people take the food first, if the house has more than one floor the younger people don’t live in the rooms above older people, shaking hands with or sitting next to an older person may be considered inappropriate because they imply an equalitarian relationship etc. It’s very difficult for a young Roma person to say no to an older person or express anger or anything that could be seen as disrespectful. The Roma culture has anarchistic qualities because the Roma don’t necessarily acknowledge the state’s authority, and intracommunity hierarchies are quite fluid and decentralized, but the older people’s higher status over the young ones is seen as obvious and natural.

Cleanness is another aspect that is very central to the Roma culture, in both literal and symbolic sense (ironically, since the Roma are often seen as dirty). The Roma don’t expect non-Roma to follow or even be aware of their complex system around it (mentioning this because I know some people fear that they accidentally offend Roma if they do something wrong lol). The Roma consider the body above the waist ‘pure’ and below it ‘impure’, and things that touch them are kept separate, and all objects are categorized according to their perceived cleanness. For example, when you come from the grocery store the shopping bag can’t be put on the floor or chair, you can’t sit or lean on the table, hats and shirts are not put on chairs, if a kitchen utensil falls on the floor it may be thrown away instead of washed because it’s now considered unclean etc. Kitchen is the purest place and is kept as clean as humanly possible. The clothes of men and women and people of different age groups are washed separately. When a Roma person grows old they become ‘pure’, and people are particularly considerate not to tarnish them, for example a younger person can’t sit on an older person’s bed and if they sleep in the same room their feet can’t pointed at the older person’s direction. In some circumstances an impure person may be temporarily or permanently banished from the community. The importance of cleanness in the Roma culture goes back to preventing illness in the traditional nomadic lifestyle, and it’s speculated possibly to even further in history in India where the Roma people’s ancestors’, the lowest caste Dalits, responsibility may have been to handle corpses and other unsanitary jobs.

Contrary to the stereotype the Roma are usually highly modest and anything ‘below the navel’ stuff (sex, pregnancy, periods, bodily functions) is rarely discussed. The Roma men and women don’t talk about them at all with each other if they aren’t a couple, and parents don’t usually talk about sex or dating with their children. Casual sex is disapproved. Oral and anal sex are considered unclean. Although Roma people often marry very young (sometimes underage) it’s usually with people of the same age group, people of distinctly different generations having romantic or sexual relations or even talking about sex with each other is a taboo. For example, if there’s something sexual on television the younger people may leave out of respect if there are older people in the room. A pregnant woman may hide it even from her own parents. Much of the Roma customs focus on ‘keeping face’ and maintaining respectful relations with the other Roma and their surroundings and avoiding anything that would bring shame, and this shame can touch the whole family.

Now if we come back to Armand, if he’s a Roma that adds a new aspect to his trauma, especially pertaining to sexual abuse and his relationship with Marius. Sexual abuse and grooming like that are hard to for any child to process, and especially difficult and confusing it would be for a Roma child, when in the Roma culture older and younger people even talking about sex is seen as offensive and older people’s wisdom and authority are seen as absolute. When in the Roma culture sex itself is taboo and wrong kind of sexual activity can make you ritually unclean it would further worsen the trauma that started from his kidnapping and cause immense shame. Since the old people are considered purer than young people a Roma child might also feel like they’re soiling the sexual abuser and blame themself. Death and touching dead bodies is considered unclean as well; a vampire would always be ritually impure. The way Armand is exposed to sex in Venice is pretty much the polar opposite of how sex is treated in the Roma culture. In the books we see Armand struggle with his complicated feelings about Marius and how he resents him but can’t still stop loving him and seeking his approval, or often can’t even express his negative feelings openly. I think it sounds familiar how many Roma people want independence but still feel obligated to respect their elders even if doesn’t always feel right.

I think this respect for elders also shows in how Armand treats Daniel in the show. He’s quite polite towards him and very considerate in trying to make sure he’s comfortable. Although Armand is in his servant disguise for most of the season 1, he notably keeps talking to Daniel in a pretty similar way after he drops his disguise. This maintaining the appearance of respect even when you’re angry at the older person is typical for Roma people. Armand is chronologically much older than Daniel, but Daniel is still physically an elderly person which is seen as automatically deserving high respect in the Roma culture. Armand and Daniel possibly having some sort of romantic relationship in the past complicates their dynamic.

3. The Romani from the WWII to now

It's hard to convey how extreme the prejudice and hate towards the Roma people is still in the 2020s Europe. Majority of people have highly negative views on the Roma. In the polls most respondents say they don’t want to work with or employ Roma people and wouldn’t want their child to date anyone who’s Roma. Majority of the Roma live below the poverty line, often in segregated slums around cities or villages in countryside, many of them without electricity or running water or access to other basic services like healthcare. Depending on a country the life expectancy for Roma people is 7-20 years smaller than for the majority population. Housing for Roma people has been a big problem for a long time, with many Roma being homeless or living in subpar settlements that the officials often destroy and force Roma to move. Nobody wants to rent or sell to Roma people or be their neighbor, so the Roma population often segregated from the majority population. Illiteracy is still common. Many Roma children don’t go to school; if they do, they’re often put in special classes or special schools where they’re separated from other children and receive substandard education. If they receive proper education they can’t get a job because nobody will hire Roma people. Many companies and places refuse to let Roma people enter. Hate crimes and police violence are common. As a Roma you can feel like you’re leprous, nobody will talk to you or come close to you.

Typical for anti-Romani racism is that people don’t see it as real racism and consider it justified and something that Roma people deserve. There also isn’t much difference how left-wing and right-wing people view Roma. Racism against Roma people is widely accepted and normalized regardless of political affiliation. In Europe the Roma are singled out and many people who aren’t (at least on conscious level) racist towards other ethnicities still despise Roma people. A case that has stuck with me and I feel embodies how the Roma are dehumanized is from Naples, Italy in 2008 where the beachgoers continued their day sunbathing and picnicking near the bodies of two drowned Roma girls. Though anti-Roma racism exists everywhere, it’s where the European hypocrisy is its most obvious. The Europeans often talk about the history of racial segregation, slavery and ethnic cleansing in other places like it’s something distant and absurd to us, when systematic segregation continues to be everyday to Roma people here in the present day.

The position of the Roma people is unique because much of the discourse around racism in Europe is focused on immigration and assumptions that people of color always come from 'somewhere else', but the Roma’s ancestors have often been here as long as the white Europeans’ ancestors. Racism against the Roma people predates the modern concepts of race, scientific racism and the modern imperialism and colonialism. The Roma are a large group that certainly hasn’t been living in an isolated bubble separate from the rest of the world and they’ve had a significant influence on the Europe’s culture, but they and their suffering are often invisible and many people are completely ignorant of it. The Roma have oral tradition and there are few Roma politicians, journalists or scholars so they lack platform to make their issues known. The Roma have become a sort of permanent underclass in Europe.

We know that the s2 takes place in the 40s in the immediate aftermath of the WWII and deals with it in some capacity. The hatred towards the Roma people can be seen as having culminated during the WWII when anywhere from 250,000 to 2 million, or 25% to 80% of the European Roma were killed during the Holocaust. The figures vary so much because the Romani genocide is severely understudied, we don’t know how large the Roma population was, and there weren’t as meticulous records of the Roma victims as there was of the Jewish victims. The Romani genocide (sometimes called Porajmos) has often been treated as an afterthought but for the Roma people it was absolutely devastating. The Roma were classified as racially inferior and were killed in concentration camps and in shootings by mobile killing squads. Roma people were often sterilized and used for medical experiments. In some countries like Croatia and the Netherlands practically the entire Roma population was destroyed.

After the war there was little sympathy for the Roma. Many Roma became stateless refugees, and Germany didn’t acknowledge what happened to the Roma as genocide until decades later, which prevented the survivors from seeking restitution. The post-war trials didn’t cover the crimes against the Roma people. Attempts to assimilate the Roma and wipe out their culture continued in many countries. There still isn’t widespread acknowledgement and understanding of the Romani genocide and how it’s a direct cause for the Romani people’s current situation, even within the community. Deep poverty, illiteracy and lack of education and social institutions has led to there not being full consciousness and collective memory around the Holocaust among the Roma like the Jewish people have.

What happened to Roma varied a lot from country to country. France has always been rather hostile to the Roma, and it was also a ‘forerunner’ in the modern racial discrimination against them because it started to register Roma in the early 1900s and giving them ID cards that categorized them differently from other travelling workers. During the World War II some French Roma were deported to nazi-run concentration camps like Auschwitz, but most were detained in internment camps in France that were created under the nazi authorities but run by the French authorities. Although not technically extermination camps, their living conditions were similar to concentration camps and thousands of prisoners died from disease and hunger. After the German occupation ended the internment camps stayed in operation until 1946, two years after the liberation. The special Roma ID cards were used until the late 60s. Some people have noted how in the show Santiago seems to work as the ‘front’ for Theatre des Vampires while Armand stays in the background. I think it’s likely related to their races in any case, but this arrangement makes sense especially if Armand is Roma because it would be very diffcult for any company or organization to be openly led by a Roma person in France during the WWII, and the years preceding and following it. Even in the 2020s many people and companies refuse to do business with Roma people, and back then it would’ve been dangerous. Also, whether Armand is Roma or not, many people are probably going to assume he is when seeing a South Asian looking French man, so that’s going to be in subtext regardless.

I think all this would make Louis strongly sympathize with and relate to Armand – and also to see him as more vulnerable and less dangerous than he really is. However, Armand might not see the things in the same way. After Louis is turned he still feels on personal level engaged with what is happening in the society and feels anger over injustice and continues to see black people as his people even when he becomes increasingly distanced from the community. But when a Roma person is taken away from the Roma community they’re not necessarily perceived as Roma by other Roma or even themselves. You might never become a part of the wider society either, you just become ‘no one’. Armand might not think of Roma as ‘his people’. Because the Roma already see themselves as outcasts and separate from the rest of the world and people, for someone who becomes a vampire that could mean complete emotional disconnect.

Perhaps because the Roma perceive themselves as separate from the wider society, it’s not typical for Roma people to be interested in politics or activism or influencing the wider society at all. This is a big generalization because of course there are Roma activists and Roma organizations, especially since the 70s, but by and large Roma people tend to be more or less apathetic towards politics and analyzing the forces behind it. Many Roma don’t vote (and needless to say many countries make it difficult for them) or participate in politics in any way. Political movements, rebellions and revolutions mean nothing to the Roma people. Every so-called revolution or change either has had no influence on the Roma people’s life or made it worse. The Roma people don’t trust non-Roma people, and the organizations and movements have usually been uninterested in involving Roma people anyway. As someone who is interested in politics and activism when I try to talk about stuff with any other Roma person I often get a ‘why does this matter’ or ‘what does this have to do with us’ reaction. The Roma are very used to their situation because they can’t remember or imagine it ever being different, and they often have an attitude that could be described as ‘it is what it is’. Armand might not feel similar anger Louis feels. Armand’s indifference and distaste towards societal institutions is reflected in the books too:

Armand would also perceive his own and Louis’ race differently than Louis does. For the Roma the world consists of people who are Roma or non-Roma (Gadjo). The Roma don’t really make differences between different races, they’re all Gadjo. When Armand meets Louis he would see him as a Gadjo man before black man, which I imagine could start to feel invalidating in the long term. The Roma tend to be sympathetic towards any outcasts and accepting of different people, but I think many Roma are also rather ignorant of different cultures and struggles, and they don’t necessarily feel automatic connection with different racialized people. The Roma perceive their experience as unique and something non-Roma people can’t understand. In the end all this means the way Armand views the world could actually be closer to how Lestat views it, and Louis might not find the solidarity and understanding he's hoping for.

4. The Romani family, kinship and spiritual practices

Religion and spirituality are very important to many Roma people. Here in Finland most Romani are deeply religious, much more so than the majority population that is pretty secular. Most Roma are Christians or Muslims, mostly different Christian sections in the Western Europe and Islam in the Balkans. The Roma in Ukraine are mostly Orthodox Christians or Muslims, so that would fit too if Armand was raised as a Muslim and didn’t convert later. Relationship with God, seeking forgiveness and sense of purpose, and someone who accepts you as you are, are something that Roma people commonly long for. The Hunchback of Notre Dame should never be used as an example of good representation and I swear this is the last time I’ll ever mention it anywhere, but I always thought this song captures surprisingly well something of how many Roma people feel. Armand’s intense and desperate relationship with religion and the spiritual struggle he and other characters go through is something that is very relatable to me.

With the lack of social structures, stability and purpose, for many Roma people the family and faith are the two most important things in the world. Without them the Roma have nothing. I think this is painfully clear with Armand who was separated from his family and culture, raised by a man who abused and then abandoned him, and literally lost his humanity and connection with God. Both other characters and Armand himself often describe him as this endless empty, hungry void that he is always trying to fill himself with something. Armand is prone to cult mentality and being manipulated in his intense yearning for emotional and spiritual connection.

I think Assad described Armand well when said he isn’t well-versed in the language of love and romance, but he does want it desperately. The Roma’s approach to romantic relationships is complicated because the strict rules of modesty around sexuality mean that they’re not usually explicitly discussed and even married couples avoid showing any affection in public. Historically Roma people have often been prevented from getting officially married so they have developed their own marriage rituals that vary by a country. Although the Roma take their relationship commitments very seriously legal marriage isn’t usually seen as important in the Roma culture and Roma couples may not get married at all legally.

The Roma are also one the very few cultures where in some countries like Finland the institution of marriage doesn’t really exist. The Romani here may get married sometimes but it’s seen as entirely unimportant and doesn’t have any bearing for the relationship, there usually isn’t a wedding or any rituals associated with marriage. A couple who’s committed to each other is seen as having the same status as a married couple. My paternal grandparents have been together for over 50 years and have never been married. Louis’ relationships with both Lestat and Armand would be considered marriage in the Roma culture. Because there aren’t well-established rules of dating and courtship in the Roma culture, forming romantic relationships can be difficult for Roma people. I’m thinking of Armand deeply wanting love but the way he approaches it often being awkward or offputting.

Family is the most important thing and the center of life in the Roma culture. The Romani culture is traditionally patriarchal and considering the importance of age, in practice the ‘leader’ is usually the oldest man of the family. The women’s position is complicated. Men and women are considered to be equals in the Roma culture and older women and their opinions are respected like with older men. Divorce is usually acceptable and isn’t seen as shameful, many older Roma women I know also have children with more than one man and it isn’t seen as a big deal. The ideal Roma woman is intelligent and emotionally and physically strong. At same time there have been and often still are distinctly divided roles for men and women in the Roma culture. Women are responsible for taking care of everything in the household and men for everything outside the household. The man of the house listens to their wife and children’s opinions but he has the final word. Men are expected to be the providers and protectors of their family and it’s something they base a lot of their identity and self-worth around – the most important thing really. I feel we can see a dynamic like this with Armand and Louis - Louis obviously isn’t a woman but he’s much weaker and younger (again, age being very important in the Roma culture). When watching s1 you think Armand is a servant, but if you look any closer, even without knowing it’s a performance, you notice what’s actually happening is that Armand is organizing and taking care of everything in their life. Later he tells Daniel how he’s protecting Louis like always with such a pride.

Another thing I think is worth mentioning that from my experience in the Roma culture physically disciplining children or women is and has been less acceptable and normalized than in the Western and many other cultures. It just isn’t done much, even my grandparents have said they don’t remember their own parents ever hitting them. This doesn’t mean that there isn’t domestic abuse in the Roma families, sadly it’s common in some regions, but it isn’t usually seen as normal and acceptable by the community. The Roma don’t like to involve police but there are many cases where an abusive man has been banished from the community. Also compared to many other cultures it can be less difficult for a woman to leave the man if she’s mistreated, since divorce is accepted and independence valued. I would say that when in most European countries there has often been an attitude that as a man you have a right and even responsibility to hit your wife and children, in the Roma culture it has been more like ‘a real man doesn’t do that’ and if they do they try to hide it. Roma men often perceive themselves as being more respectful towards women than Gadjo men are. When you combine all this - patriarchal society, older men having power over their family being seen as a normal and good thing, but disapproving overt violence within family – I think it would be very easy for Armand to convince himself he isn’t abusing or hurting Louis and is treating him right and being better than Lestat.

Art is very central to the Roma culture, especially music, dance and artisanship, but also other forms like painting and theatre. The first known records of the Roma people already refer to them being musicians. Travelling theatre companies like the one Lestat run away with when he was young were often formed by Roma people. Armand was a talented painter and his love and search for beauty is something that always remains in his story. I found it interesting that this s2 Claudia poster was seemingly inspired by Carmen, one of the most famous Roma characters, and maybe flamenco dancers in general (flamenco being developed in the Roma culture). It tells me that they seem to at least be aware that the Roma people exist if nothing else.

The Roma appreciate beauty and the finer things in life, sometimes in a way that can appear materialistic to the non-Roma people, but the Roma themselves don’t perceive it so. It’s not uncommon that the Roma who’re poor or even homeless still own some jewelry or a nice car. If the Roma people are actually rich they like to show it and are generous in sharing it. Wealth has often been unattainable to the Roma people, so if they have it they don’t see a reason to hide it. Historically the Roma also haven’t trusted banks so they prefer to keep their wealth in physical form. With Armand who grew up in poverty you can see how he appreciates luxury and likes to shower his loved ones like Daniel and Sybelle and Benjamin with it too (again, being a good provider is very important for the Roma men). Sidenote this is another reason why I think the Dubai house’s sterile minimalist interiors were not Armand’s idea because no Roma person in the world would ever decorate their house like that lol.

The way the Roma people traditionally dress differs from the majority population, and their appreciation for beauty and wealth is visible in it too. The clothing has been a way for Roma to show their identity to both other Roma and other people. The rules of modesty influence the Roma people’s traditional clothing and they often avoid showing knees and elbows and the shape of the body. Younger people often wear lighter and older people darker colors. Especially Roma women have dressed in very distinct ways depending on their tribe, for men it’s usually more subtle. The typical Roma men’s every day clothing includes suits, black or white dress shirts, loosely fitting black trousers, vests, hats, ruffles and golden jewelry. Armand’s styling in the show both in the flashbacks and Dubai caught my attention. While there’s nothing exclusively ‘Roma’ in his outfits almost all of them could easily be worn by a Roma man. Most likely it means nothing but knowing how good costume designer Carol Cutshall she would probably try to be accurate.

In the Roma culture referring to dead people by their name and showing their pictures is avoided. Traditionally the remaining family moves out from the house where they lived with the dead person, and the person’s belongings and images are burned or otherwise destroyed after their death (at least in Finland this is still sometimes done). It’s out of respect but I think it’s also a response to generations of trauma where there has been so much death and suffering that Roma people need to forget and move on so they can continue living. In the books Armand treats death in the same way; when he loses someone he stops talking about them, sometimes even thinking about them. When he’s abducted he doesn’t mention his father (who he assumes is dead) again and forgets even his own name, because the child he was before he was taken doesn’t exist anymore. Despite being so needy he often just leaves things behind and keeps on moving, like when he simply walked away from Louis. The Roma aren’t prone to nostalgia and they don’t like wallowing in the past or worrying about things that might or might not happen either, it’s all seen as a luxury they can't afford. It still doesn’t make it just disappear. The deep hidden sorrow that Armand and many other characters of the series always carry with them resonates with me as a Roma.

Lastly, I want to emphasize this is all just random theorizing and I’m happy regardless of whatever Armand’s background ends up being! I also know some Roma don’t want Roma portrayed in fiction made by non-Roma people at all because they don’t trust it to be done well. There’s also a problem with Roma characters usually being played by non-Roma. IWTV is an exception to me personally because I have an unusually high level of trust in this show’s writing, I love and relate to Armand’s character, and I think Assad Zaman looks like he could believably play a Roma man instead of the usual casting of a white person who looks ‘exotic’. However, like I said in the beginning there isn’t any proof Armand is actually going to be Roma and for now this is just headcanoning and speculation for fun. I also want to say that I hope I didn’t give an impression that Roma people’s life is like constant misery because that definitely isn’t true! There’s a tendency to see the Roma only through their problems when there are plenty of happy and successful Roma people and there has been improvement in the Roma people’s situation even though it’s slow. I also think one of the Roma people’s strengths has always been that they can find joy and humor even in hard circumstances.

If you got to this point I salute you thank you for reading!

#interview with the vampire #iwtv #i'm not joking how insanely long this post is if you still read or even just skimmed it through i'm kissing you on the mouth #i considered splitting it in two posts i hope it's even distantly coherent and not super boring #also if you have any questions i can try to answer lol #mal watches iwtv #iwtvposting #armand #.txt

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