#and then its like. lol week long break before music!

[dullahandyke]

leaving cert students how are we doing

[twost3ps]

Listen! Listen! Listen to me! How about this: Paimon is the 7th ex, and Adam is the real mother of Stolas. 😂 I immediately thought of this when I listened to "No Way" from Six The Musical.

The only reason they break up is because Adam finds out that Paimon had an affair that he didn't know about. (Basically like Henry VIII and Catherine of Aragon's situation.) This would add a layer of trauma to Stolas's situation. I guess it's like father, like son, except the father was an asshole while the son was forced into a child marriage and just wanted to be happy. Stolas didn't know or remember Adam being his mother because Paimon got child custody, and Adam wasn't allowed to see him. This would add some drama once Adam finds out about the child marriage and Stella abusing his son. Also, I want to see Lucifer find out that one of the Kings, more obedient to fight than the other kings, has two hundred legions of demons under his rule and is the asshole who wouldn't allow his now-boyfriend to see his son. I want to see how the fight would happen.

I'm so sorry for tge late reply it's exam week 4 me so I've just been jumped by work but-

LMAOOOO 💀💀💀💀

This is so good actually omg...

DAMN I JUST NARROWED IT DOWN TO 3 😭😭😭 I WANT THIS ONE TOOOOOOOOOO

AUSGSHSJSN man I love a good Adambowl hhhhhh

But so so good yummm

But I think Paimon's affair would definitely add more trauma to Adam.

Bro. If he's added, that mean THREE people cheated on him- Lilith, Eve, and now Paimon

It would KILL him

For Stolas, I think this could be fixed by saying Adam laid an egg and the incubation period is LONGGGG. And i mean long af, probably due to one being a Goetia and the other being a human, sooooo. It also puts out good reason why Stolas would have no idea that Adam was his mom in the first place because he hatches after Adam is forced away.

Paimon probably threatened to reveal Adam's residence in hell to Lucifur and heaven and it drove Adam away, scared of punishment. Either way, he would have to leave the baby. Still hurt tho and it made him so upset for years.

Sadly, the stolas plot point would most likely have to be scrapped to complexity and timeline stuff. I have no idea how it would work sory wiseee. But I'm gonna write this thing. It's more of an idea, so for now, yes, Adam has a baby ✨️✨️✨️✨️✨️

Oh but when Adam finds out what's going on 💀💀💀

Death man. He's gonna make Lucifur throw hands. Not on just Paimon but on Stella too. BRUHHH

Imo, I think Adam was and is a good parent. He's just an asshole to literally everybody else. He might have wanted to find Stolas before, but he had no idea where to go. And for plot reasons, he doesn't understand hell heigharchy or any of its big leaders, he just got with a big strong hot bird guy for a while. He just hoped his kid was fine (he was not lol)

As for Lucifur, yeah, he's gonna throw hands. He knows it's hypocritical of him to get mad at Paimon for cheating on Adam but he's still so pissed. And for not letting Adam see his kid, man if he could never see Charlie again he would actually die, so he's gonna beat tf out of him

I think Paimon would just take it ngl, he upset his king and although he doesn't understand why it's a big deal he's just gonna take it o3o

This thing is all over the place and has so many loopholes that I would have to get help for piecing this in but I do love this idea

[rachelsfav-queer]

AAAAAA SHIT!!!!

Okayyyyyyyy! I'm feeling angsty for some reason (probably cause I'm an idiot and keep listening to sad music) so I'm taking a break from my actual writing to get this out. I knew I couldn't not write it either cause it's just too good, but ITS SO HEARTBREAKING!!!!

I'm really sorry about this

(Note: I started this oneshot before I got the news last night, so obviously I'm in a much better mood lol)

It hadn't been long after Enid had passed that it started. Yoko was also gone, which left Wednesday alone, truly alone, for the first time in decades. The three of them had all grown into old age, even Yoko, who had found a spell to allow her to age with her wives, two people she could not stand to outlive.

And now, it's only Wednesday left, her genes allowing her a naturally longer lifespan. Well, at least, as long as the ones who held her heart lived. But now, she can feel her age catching up to her in the most brutal ways. Her mind, body, and soul are all withering quickly and without mercy.

Enid’s funeral was only two weeks after her passing, but by then, Wednesday was already in a wheelchair, barely capable of holding herself up even in the chair. It broke Bianca’s heart, the sight of her best friend suffering so deeply that it reflected completely on her physical body. And the pain wasn’t only present in her physical condition, but also emotionally. Nobody had seen Wednesday so utterly desolate in years. It was as if every last bit of her will to live had been torn from her.

And really, it was.

Everyone knew that when an Addams falls in love, they love with everything they have, all of their soul is dedicated to their chosen. It's how they're built, and it has its ups and downs. One of the worst cons is showing itself clear in Wednesday now.

She is degrading, every part of her. An Addams is truly nothing without the ones they love. It gets so bad that only a month after Enid's death, Wednesday is entirely reliant on others to stay alive and care for herself. Bianca does her best, but is ultimately helpless on her own, needing help from other friends and nurses. Especially because Wednesday simply doesn't speak anymore. The only sounds she makes are the tiniest grunts, and that's only ever in response to little Raven, who still speaks to her every day.

Little Raven, oh poor little Raven. She made a promise long ago to always be there for her best friend, and she is staying true to that promise. By now, she's long since figured out all the abilities she has as a spirit possessing a physical object. One of those abilities is to affect living beings around her, at least a bit. She uses this to ensure no one tries to separate her from Wednesday, nobody even gets the idea to do so with her influence. And so, the haunted plushie that has always remained by Wednesday's side throughout the entire time they've known each other stays posted right at Wednesday's side, sitting atop the bedside table.

One day, she's not sure why, but little Raven decides to finally tell Wednesday her story. It all starts with a soft chuckle, "You know, I used to know someone who was just like you, Wednesday. She was... everything." And little Raven tells the seer everything. From the moment she met her little sister, to the moment she finally met her. It was long and complicated, but somehow, little Raven knew the entire time that the seer was listening.

Eventually, little Raven finished. It was then that something beautiful happened. Wednesday, for the first time in so long, spoke. "Raffi," the seer's voice was weak as she spoke the name the spirit hadn't heard in a century, the name she had forgotten, but she heard it so clearly, and it shocked her thoroughly. "You're curious. I saw this, in a vision, when I first held you. A Boot-strap paradox, quite exhausting. You have... served me well, old friend. You protected me, you cared for me, and you have shown me all the love you had to give. Furthermore, you have given me comfort in the darkest of times, and it is my turn to return that comfort. You've done well, Raffi. But... my time here on this mortal plane is come to a close, and so is yours. You have no need to hold yourself here anymore, so please, forgive yourself. It's time to let go. As Enid and Yoko are waiting for me, so is Lovette waiting for you. It's time we meet them again. I love you, little Raven."

"We- Wednesday... Thank you. It has been such an honor, being your friend. I love you too, Wednesday. Good night."

And so, in that lonely old mansion, two spirits, two best friends, leave together onto their final adventure. When Bianca enters the room again and sees her friend has passed, she oddly feels at peace. As if some huge weight has been lifted from the very walls of the house itself. And Bianca sees the raven plushie, and she can't quite describe it for a while, the stuffed animal almost seems to be missing something. But eventually, she realizes, and she smiles, “So long, little Raven. It was nice to meet you. Goodbye Wednesday, you finally got that splash of color you needed.” With that, the siren sets the plushie atop Wednesday’s chest and leaves a final kiss on the seer’s forehead, leaving her to finally rest.

End <3

(Little Raven + her sister’s name reveal???)

(This is what I had on repeat while finishing this lol)

[goldensunset]

you wanted me to talk about ooparts from twewy. ok. this song is an absolute hot mess and it’s one of my absolute FAVORITES. but specifically only the version that plays when you fight konishi in final remix (‘ooparts -give me a chance’) the original is. eh. but the difference between them is not the thing that matters to me anyway so i guess i like the original too

first and foremost. i have gone through the process of color-highlighting the lyrics (screenshotted from the wiki) to point out which song each line comes from to visually represent just how much this massive word mashup borrows stuff. i also just straight up put the names of the songs next to some of them but i couldn’t fit them all or else this would be a mess lol. please enjoy

🍎red: ‘hybrid’ (both english and japanese)

🍊orange: ‘detonation’

⭐️yellow: ‘game over’

🍃green: ‘owari-hajimari’ (japanese)

💎light blue: ‘someday’ (both english and japanese)

🫐dark blue: ‘satisfy’

☂️purple: ‘twister’ (both english and japanese)

🌸pink: ‘make or break’

•‘surely there was a better way to convey this information’ no there wasn’t

•most of this information is on the wiki page but i’ll have you know i discovered most of these connections by myself anyway long before i ever even checked the trivia section. also there are a few that i caught that the wiki didn’t. not to flex or anything. but y’know what credit really isn’t important anyway it’s really all about sharing information within a community so. peace and love

•there is a bit of a liberty taken with ‘you’re getting out of control’ bc the line in game over is just ‘you’re out of control’ but i still think it counts as a connection

so basically i think this song is really cool and amazing not just bc the music goes really hard at about one minute in (but only specifically in the one where you fight konishi, at least in final remix) but mostly because it represents a few of my favorite things about twewy. the whole ‘melody/vibe over lyrics’ thing twewy has going on where it says hey who cares if these lyrics are in any way comprehensible; what matters is that it’s a lot of fun to sing

but beyond that? ooparts also does the thing that twister is known for but even better. aka word salad lyrics that may not have any innate meaning in the words themselves, but they matter BECAUSE they’re word salad. apparently the intention behind twister’s nonsense lyrics is to represent all the different clashing ideas in shibuya. it’s diverse and noisy and weird and it all comes together into something fun. ooparts does the same except its lyrics aren’t even random words; they’re from other songs in this game. including twister itself!

to me it really feels like a turning point in the game when you fight konishi, the final week’s game master, the last actual valid legal boss within the framework of the game, and you have this crazy wild song playing that, through its lyrics, serves to remind you of everything else you’ve encountered in your insane journey. it’s a culmination of all your struggles and you’re here to see it all through

and the call-and-response lyrics back and forth between the two vocalists are soooo fun! it feels like teamwork: the song. like truly this is the moment of revenge and triumph for neku and beat. they’ve made it this far and nothing can stop them now. they’re not afraid of konishi they’re hyped up to defeat her. and konishi is such a great villain with a really tricky and unique boss fight so it feels super satisfying to finally get the better of her! it’s not about fear it’s about fun! and when the beat switches on the chorus to something so much brighter and smoother… feels like that moment in the battle where you break through one of her gimmicks and you can see clearly now

in conclusion: i love the weird telephone beep song with the strangest lyrics known to man

[toomuchracket]

I’m sorry but flatemate matty would be a G when it comes to rainy day cuddles 🫠 putting on a slower vinyl, keeping the volume low so you can hear the rain hitting the windows.. curling up on the couch, all tangled up together, talking barely above a whisper for hours because there’s no need to be louder when you’re that close.. i’m gonna huuuurl i need to baby the grown man.

STOP IT WAS RAINING SO HORRIBLY HERE EARLIER I NEED HIM but yeah. it's your first free/fresh sunday (no work for you to finish, no hangovers from being out the night before for either of you), and you and matty had made plans to go on a massive walk around the nearest park, then maybe do sunday dinner somewhere before coming home and having an early night ready for the week ahead. and you were so excited about it - like yeah, you live with the man and see him every day, but the itinerary for the day felt vaguely couple-y, and you were looking forward to being delusional and pretending matty was actually your boyfriend the whole time (obviously, he was feeling the same). but sunday morning rolls around and you're awoken to torrential rain battering off the window and you're FUMING. and i think matty would just burst into the room (because he knows you're alone) and throw himself dramatically face-down onto your bed like "i can't fucking believe our plans for a lovely day are RUINED this is awful", and you just reach over to play with his hair comfortingly like "i know, babe, i was looking forward to it. what can we do in here instead?" and matty FIGHTS the urge to be like "in your bed? oh, i've been thinking about this one for a while. i have a list prepared" lol. instead, he rolls over to look at you and shyly starts rambling ideas like "i mean, i got a couple of new records if you wanted to just chill on the couch and listen to them? i haven't got any weed, though, so we'd need to be sober. which is less vibey, but still. i get that you might not want to do that and its chill but i-" before you cut him off like "no, that sounds lovely. a cuppa, some music, snuggling up together... yeah, i want that" and smile so sweetly that matty's heart cracks (and he can't think about the "i want that" directly after you mentioning snuggling or he will go insane). and matty smiles back (which hurts YOUR heart) and says "alright, darlin'. now, breakfast - d'you want breakfast in bed, or in the kitchen?", and you're like "hmm... kitchen, i want to shower first" and you stretch cutely and sit up, kissing matty's head before padding off to the bathroom. and he's literally so down bad that he watches you leave with the most lovestruck expression, before scootching up onto your pillows and just taking in your scent and atmosphere for a min, then getting up himself.

anyway, later on, you get around to the revised weekend plans. tea is made, the first record is on and playing softly (i assume it's some sort of acoustic folk/indie thing), you're in matty's hoodie and leggings, he's in a pair of your sweatpants and a long-sleeved tee, and you settle on the couch under a couple of blankets. the rain has settled slightly, so it's just pattering off the windowframes now, and you've lit a scented candle for a bit of peaceful ambience - it's a very calm, very cosy environment. and you and matty are quiet for the first few songs, before you break the silence to whisper how much you like the album so far, and he looks at you contentedly and agrees; that starts a whole quiet discussion, which starts off being about music and then ends up somewhere totally different (as the best chats do!). matty reluctantly gets up to flip the record onto the b-side, but beams when he turns back round to see your arms opened and you telling him to get in; he obliges, because why wouldn't he take any opportunity to be so close to you, slotting himself between your legs (which are propped up on the couch), leaning his head on your chest and his arm over your stomach as is your normal cuddling position. and your whispered conversation continues until matty, just so content and cosy, falls asleep on you - i think you probably smile lovingly at him and whisper "oh, i love you", knowing he can't hear you, and play with his hair and lightly stroke his cheek until you doze off too <3

[bedknees]

You always leave your cool headcanons in the tags! If you're up to it, do you have some for Simon and Betty your up for sharing? I'd love to hear them 🥺

lol sorry ha ha! I like whispering in the tags a lot lmao. And sure! I don't think I ever really gave headcanons on these two disasters but I have a ton so buckle up, and thanks for the ask. ^^

Betty

She was born to Russian Jewish first-gen immigrants somewhere in New England. They were medical doctors by trade, running a practice together and everything. She is an only child. Her parents worked a lot so she was often alone at home when she got old enough.

Due to relative solitude at home, Betty became an avid reader and allowed it to occupy her time when she was lonely. She has a particular penchant for mystery novels that persisted into adulthood. Her general love of the unknown led her into being interested in real world mysteries.

Her birthday is April 11, 1966 - making her an elder Gen X and an Aries.

Has always been very smart, especially in regards to mathematics and has a minor in it. It's definitely her forte, if not made obvious by Temple of Mars.

She is bipolar II and has learned to manage it well over years, as long as no major stressors enter her life she is pretty good to go [crying cat giving thumbs up image]

Loves plants and mushrooms! She's especially fond of succulents. Very adept at fungi identification and foraging properly.

When she's not deep into her work, she likes taking nature hikes either on foot or on her bike. She's always loved the outdoors.

Betty loves all genres of music, but is particularly partial to Depeche Mode and Journey.

She also loves all animals, but really enjoys alligators and crocodilians. The first time she went down South and saw an American Alligator just casually hanging out near a river, she nearly burst into tears.

Simon

His birthday is August 25th, 1965. He is a Virgo because of course he is. Just misses Boomer status, as Gen X began in '65 lmao.

His father was a first-generation Russian/Yakut immigrant, while his mother was a second generation Filipina American. They were borderline hippies that met at a music festival, but break the (objectively flawed) stereotype by being very well educated with successful careers in teaching.

Simon had a younger sister and developed Older Sibling Syndrome that defines part of his personality to this day.

Stemming from his parents, Simon has always had a thirst for adventure. In addition to being exposed to camping at young age due to his family taking him to festivals in his youth, he also has always had a general inclination to explore the unknown.

Loves 60s-70s rock and roll a la Mountain and Jimi Hendrix, but just prefers the genre in general. This manifests later a bit in Ice King's love for Marceline's music, which is of course rock-centric.

He is autistic; his first special interest was cryptids, something that never really left him. He eventually developed one for playing the drums (also seen in IK later) and Cheers obv. His main interest is by far ancient artifacts. He was the kid that checked out books on Ancient Egypt every week.

Got his PHD in Archaeology by 27 due to being wicked smart and starting intro college classes all the way back in his Junior/Senior years of high school.

Unironically tuned into Art Bell's radio show because of his cryptid and conspiracy fascination. He never actually bought into any of it (mostly), but it was fun for him!

Is a cat person full stop. He will sometimes take walks in his neighborhood and be greeted by all the outside cats that he has made a point to get to know!

Simon and Betty

Met at a University-held science and sci-fi convention right before Betty was to leave for Australia. Simon held a small panel on the Enchiridion, talking about its history and his search for it. Betty fell fast and hard. They both did. After the panel they talked for hours about it.

Their shared love for mysteries and adventure made them a perfect match. They shared a ton in common and became inseparable almost instantly.

Were the couple that rarely ever fought, but they also possessed a level of obvious codependency. Betty was the first person to ever make Simon feel so seen and he loved her wit and eccentricity, and Simon proved so smart and sweet and genuinely interesting that their pull was magnetic.

[nametakensff]

you just casually posting about how long it's been since you've nutted and how its affectin u is insanely hot to this snzfucker combination orgasm denial kink-haver.

So glad to hear that, anon! 🥰 I'm always happy when my oversharing on here turns other people on. It feels like as suitable a place as any for me to be unabashedly explicit

That being said, much more graphic details of my frustration under the readmore for anyone who is interested! 😤

I think by the time Monday rolls around this may well be the longest I've gone without actively masturbating or having an orgasm since I started to actively do so aged 14 lol

I foolishly thought I would be okay to listen to wavs yesterday but of course that was the stupidest idea - had to turn one off after a minute because I was going mad and was moments away from masturbating. I did touch myself a little, just to feel how wet I was and how sensitive, but forced myself to stop before it really started to feel great...

All day today my hand has been finding its way between my legs. I touch myself a lot out of habit, and normally this wouldn't be an issue - I'm home alone on weekdays, I can back away from work for a moment (or longer) to get myself off - but right now the temptation just feels like torture 😫

I was on my daily walk earlier and as my mind is prone to doing, my thoughts wandered into sneezing and fucking territory - my favs sneezing on and fucking each other, me eating out a woman as she sneezes all over me, me pegging a fav whilst they bury their face in a feather pillow and sneeze over and over...

I had to physically stop walking for a moment because my cunt felt heavy and engorged, I was so suddenly turned on. It almost ached with the sudden rush of blood, and I was unmistakably wet. I switched from listening to music to a serious podcast for a while and used to that to distract me, and I was successfully able to get home with no further issues

I feel like I may even have to extend my masturbation ban until Tuesday when I'm alone all day, since this Monday is a bank holiday and my sister and flatmate will both be home...I don't want to start touching myself or I just won't be able to stop, and I want to be able to enjoy orgasms with all my toys for as long as I want and as loudly as I want. Work will just have to wait, I'm afraid 😌

But yeah. I think if I attempted to do this whilst I was going through one of my intense horny spells, I genuinely would not have lasted this long. If it feels like this much of a tease now, I feel like I would actually lose my mind under those conditions!!

Cannot wait to reward myself for my hard work. I feel like I won't be making a habit of this because I'm far too hedonistic and orgasm driven - buuut if I feel again in the future that I need to take a break, I now know I can at least pull off 5 days! Honestly, I would much rather tease somebody else like this for a week then reward them myself if they manage to last 😇

I hope you get something out of this, anon! I'm trying my best to be good but I'm sporadically typing this one-handed. Still not giving in, though!! 🥲

[fairyyeo]

betting on you

pairing — han jisung x fem reader

genre — fluff, summer break au

tw — lots of alcohol consumption, food, minimal swearing

wc — 11k

a/n — hey….. i know i promised this like months ago but its finally here! just a day late for jisung’s birthday. i can’t even defend how bad this is. just ignore how inconsistent the characters are okay? my writing is rusty since its been ages since i posted and i’ve been through the seven layers of hell and back in the last few months lol ….. anyways.. i hope you enjoy !! <3

————

you threw your almost bursting bags onto the back seat of your car, buzzing with excitement. summer break had just begun and you were going to spend it under the sun, laughing and relaxing with friends, exactly the way summer should be spent. mina had invited a bunch of people to stay at her family's lake house for the next few weeks, a perfect way to kick off summer she thought, and everyone had agreed.

mina's house was only a short drive away, and tzuyu was already there. the three of you decided to carpool for the road trip, hoping to make the most out of it and needing to be there before the others arrived so mina could unlock the door.

you beeped the car horn as you pulled into the driveway, and shortly after, you saw mina and tzuyu hurrying out the door. they were both absolutely beaming, clearly as excited as you were.

you wound down the window and called out, "hey guys! you can put your bags in the trunk!"

once they had, mina jumped into the passenger seat, leaving tzuyu to sit next to your luggage. instantly, you felt a hundred times more lively and full of energy being surrounded by two of your best friends.

"hi y/n! thanks for picking us up." mina greeted you, leaving over to wrap you in a hug.

"it's no problem whatsoever, besides, i should be thanking you for organising this trip!" you countered as you began reversing out the driveway.

"yeah mina, it's gonna be so much fun!" tzuyu agreed from the back seat. "alright, who's got control on the music?"

"you can play whatever." you replied, tossing your phone back to a grinning tzuyu.

it was a beyond enjoyable car ride. about six hours including all your snack stops and toilet breaks, but it felt much shorter with the three of you singing along to every song that played. it was scenic too. once you left the city it was beautiful scenery all around for miles and miles.

you drove through a town that was much smaller than the city you were used to. mina told you that this town was about five minutes away from the lake house and pointed out that you would need to come back here later today to pick up some groceries, even if it was already mid afternoon.

soon after, mina directed you the last bit of the way until you pulled into the driveway and parked close to the house so it would be easier to unload the car.

it didn't take the three of you long to unlock the entire house and open all the windows to let in some fresh air, while the sun beamed in and warmed the place up pretty quick. it wasn't too hot, but you'd definitely still be wanting a swim later.

once everything important was out the way, you took the time to properly take a look around the house. there was plenty of space for three people, but once the others arrived you'd admit that it might be a little cramped. that's no problem though, the more the merrier, right? the fridge was empty, as was the pantry and you remembered that you needed to go into town before it got too late to buy some food. you headed out the front door to familiarise yourself with the yard, which was pretty spacious. it went right down the the shore of the lake and extended out a far way to the fence line. you couldn't even see if there were neighbours nearby due to the thick shady trees all around.

by the time you got back inside to grab your car keys another two sets of wheels came flying down the driveway at dangerous speeds.

mina and tzuyu came rushing out when they heard it too and weren't surprised to see the eight boys piling out the cars all rowdy and boisterous.

"maybe we should've just made this a girls trip." tzuyu sighed jokingly, after all, these guys were your closest friends.

"hey ladies!" hyunjin called out, attempting to wink as he struggled to keep his bags from dragging along the floor while he carried them.

"it's been less than a minute, he's completely sober and he's already flirting? man, what's in the air around here?" minho joked, bringing over his bags with half the effort that hyunjin was using.

"forget about that, look where we are!" chan exclaimed, doing a spin as he breathed in the fresh air deeply. "i don't remember the last time i went for a swim, i'm keen." he grinned.

"me either, i can hardly to wait to put this stuff down and stretch my legs!" felix nodded in agreement as he waddled over, hardly managing his two fully bags.

tzuyu ran over to him, "here, let me carry one lix."

"how come you didn't offer to help me?" hyunjin said utterly offended.

"because felix didn't greet us with 'hey ladies!'" tzuyu countered, a playful smile emerging on her face.

mina was already doubled over laughing, it was gonna be a long trip, she thought. "follow me in, i'll show you where your room is." she said, barely suppressing her laughter.

"room? as in singular?" you heard hyunjin say with shock as the five of them hurried after mina.

you turned back around, feeling the weight of the keys in your hands, suddenly remembering where you were going, when you were met with an all-too-familiar face.

he raised a brow, "leaving so soon?" jisung asked, dropping his bags to the wooden deck beneath you.

"i'm heading out for groceries since we have none here." you replied, folding your arms.

"care for company?" he mused with a teasing tone.

you hummed in thought, eyes flickering over to jeongin, seungmin, and changbin who were approaching with their bags. you looked back at jisung who was focused on you with sharp eyes, "yeah, but not yours."

he shrugged seemingly unbothered, "suit yourself."

jisung began to pick up his bags before you called out, "i was joking ji! put your stuff inside and let's go, okay?"

you walked past the three other boys and greeted them happily as you headed toward your car. you made sure to direct them inside and let mina show them to their room as jisung caught up to you.

he quickly jumped into the passenger seat of your car and leaned back comfortably in the seat as you drove off.

practically as soon as you left the driveway, everyone back at the house began to discuss and dissect your relationship with jisung. because frankly, it was a popular topic amongst them.

"they're definitely something more than friends! you've seen the way they act around each other." mina exclaimed from her spot on the sofa.

"love exists platonically too!" jeongin argued, his voice projecting down the hall from his shared bedroom as he unpacked.

"not between them!" tzuyu called back before exchanging a high five with mina, who was glad tzuyu agreed with her.

"they're always fighting though." hyunjin pointed out, furrowing his brows in confusion and a small pout forming on his lips.

minho scoffed before rolling his eyes, "you're such a dumbass."

"why? what did i say?" hyunjin frantically looked between a snickering seungmin and minho.

minho nudged seungmin's arm, almost a little too harshly, urging him to say what they were both thinking, "for someone who's such a flirt, you sure can't see it happening right in front of you."

"you mean their fighting is their flirting?" felix called out from his room, the others couldn't see it but his jaw was open in a mix of confusion and shock.

"you know the saying, opposites attract." chan said with a shrug. "it's as simple as that."

"he's right you guys, i'll bet anything they get together before this trip is over." changbin agreed with chan, fist-bumping him in a similar manner to tzuyu and mina just before.

you and jisung, however, had enjoyed the short drive to town and were currently picking up some groceries for the week ahead, oblivious to the conversation being had at the house. you would need to come back in about a week's time to get some more, but for now you were rapidly filling up the trolley that jisung was busy pushing. once it was full with a variety of foods and ingredients to last about a week, you paid for them and carried them out to your car.

it felt a little strange to be doing such an everyday task with jisung, it was so domestic that you almost felt like a couple. that being said, it didn't feel wrong by any means, in fact, it felt comfortable. he's your best friend so that's a given, right? it's best not to think about it, the more you do, the more confusing it gets, and you wouldn't want a little confusion to ruin the start of summer.

you had to shake the feeling, and quick.

"hey, did any of you guys bring drinks?" you asked jisung, lifting the final bag of groceries into the car.

"i know minho and seungmin have some, i'm not sure about the others though." he looked over at you.

you laughed, as jisung hopped back into the passenger seat, "of course they do."

"what's that supposed to mean?" he examined you with those sharp eyes, like always. there was no spite in his words though, jisung knew exactly what you meant about seungmin and minho, he was just teasing.

"you know," you fastened your seatbelt, giving jisung a persistent look, "they love getting everyone drunk and causing total chaos."

he hummed, "i do see your point."

"anyways, let's go and get some alcohol, then we can head home." you said, starting the car and leaving the grocery store.

the sun was just slipping under the horizon by the time you got home, it was still warm outside even without the sun's rays. everyone helped bring the bags of food inside, both you and jisung completely missing the glances being exchanged between your friends.

minho and felix were the most glad to receive the groceries, eager to start cooking dinner as soon as possible. chan suggested they cook on the barbecue outside since the weather was still warm and they happily agreed.

and so you found yourself wandering down the dirt path to the lakefront in your swimsuit and a towel hanging over your shoulder. it was nearly completely dark outside now, but there was enough light emanating from the house to ensure that it it wasn't pitch black. everyone besides hyunjin and jeongin came down to the lake with you for a swim before dinner, they stayed on the deck helping minho and felix cook dinner.

you draped the towel over a tree branch and waded into the water, which was still a comfortable temperature however, your peaceful moment was abruptly disturbed when chan and jisung came bolting past you, splashing the water everywhere as they went. it was a fun way to pass the time until dinner was ready, which wasn't really that long, because before you knew it, the four boys were calling you up to eat.

"this is really great you guys, thanks for cooking!" you spoke as you began to eat.

"we should be thanking you for picking up the ingredients." felix replied with a smile.

mina poured herself a glass of water, looking over at you, "you must be tired from all that driving around today."

"honestly?" you took a bite of food, glancing around at everyone, "i'm exhausted, especially after having a swim." you laughed a little.

"well then, let's finish up eating and put you to bed," seungmin said as if you were a kid who was up past their bedtime, "and the rest of us will stay out here and get drunk." he caused everyone including you to laugh.

"sounds like a plan to me!" jeongin spoke up.

"it won't be the same without y/n though." hyunjin frowned.

"here he goes..." changbin side-eyed hyunjin.

"she's not going anywhere! we're here for a few weeks, remember?" minho rolled his eyes jokingly, "besides, i'm way more fun than y/n." he winked at hyunjin before turning back to you, "no offence."

"none taken." you said with a laugh, and you meant it. you knew minho well enough to understand he was just joking around.

"can we please keep the flirting to a minimum at the dinner table?" chan piped up, a playful smile tugged at his lips implying that he was teasing.

jisung let out a short chuckle, "yeah!"

mina and tzuyu exchanged a look that flew under your radar, but to everyone else meant something like ‘how ironic’. they could barely suppress their laughter as tzuyu stood up, lifting her empty plate.

"are you finished eating, y/n?" she asked, leaning over to pick up your plate. "let me grab that for you."

"thanks, tzu." you smiled at your friend, standing up as she just had, and ready for bed, "well guys, i know it's still early but i'm gonna head to sleep. it's for the best unless you wanna be talking to a zombie tomorrow." you finished with a short laugh.

"you mean we aren't already?" jisung turned his head to look at you, his brows softly furrowed unlike his sharp eyes that held your gaze.

everyone cackled as you simply lifted your middle finger and made a graceful departure to your bedroom. laughter could be heard travelling down the hall as you gently closed the door, leaving everyone to enjoy themselves.

practically as soon as your head hit the pillow, you fell asleep, leaving no time for your mind to wander back to the boy who was seated on the deck outside, whose mind had strangely drifted to you, wondering if you would sleep well despite everyone's rowdiness.

————

it made much sense that considering you were the first one to sleep, you were the first one to wake up. there was peaceful, picture perfect scenery outside. you put the kettle on, staring out the window as the lake gently rippled. you wondered what everyone had gotten up to last night after you slept, considering the house was left rather messy. you lifted the kettle before it got too loud and filled your cup to make a coffee, which you blew on gently before taking a sip.

you decided to tidy before everyone else woke up, putting the very few empty bottles into the bin outside and wondering who had drunk from them. you cleaned the countertop and rearranged the sofa cushions to their original state, before opening the curtains around the room to let the sunlight in and naturally warm the room, not that it wouldn't be boiling hot outside later anyway. it practically looked the same as how it did when you arrived once you had finished cleaning, you felt satisfied with your efforts and took your already half-consumed coffee outside to sit on one of the deck chairs.

it was already getting hot outside, despite only being eight in the morning. the weather definitely called for a swim later during the day. you were about to stand and refill your cup of coffee when you heard the glass door to the deck quietly creak open.

"i see you've been busy this morning." you heard jisung's voice, a little deeper than usual presuming he just woke up.

you spun around to face him fully, seeing that your assumption was correct as he was dressed in sweatpants and a shirt which he would consider pajamas, "are you being sarcastic with me? because—"

"would you let me finish?" he cut you off, sitting on the seat next to yours and folding his arms over his chest, "i was being serious, it was a mess when we all went to sleep. so, thank you."

"well then," you paused, "you're welcome, i guess."

jisung went to speak again but his jaw snapped shut when chan joined the two of you outside.

"morning." he smiled as he stretched out his limbs. "you two been up long?" chan queried.

jisung let out a sheepish chuckle, "no, i only just woke up. y/n was already up when i came out here."

"thanks for cleaning up, by the way, y/n. because i'm assuming it wasn't jisung." he teased with a laugh.

"it's nothing, really." you shrugged.

"anyways, i'm off for a run, i won't be long." he announced before leaving you and jisung alone again.

everyone else woke up not long after and the house's peace was soon turned quite lively. felix, changbin, and tzuyu enjoyed themselves as they made breakfast while everyone chatted in the living room. it was a comfortable feeling being surrounded by your closest friends, everyone still in their pajamas and lounging together on the sofas.

by midday you and jisung had wandered off, taking a walk into town. it was the first time you had taken a good look at it all and really seen how quaint it was. you walked past the grocery store and liquor store that you and he shopped at last night, and a cute little ice cream place that you would definitely drag jisung into on your way back to the house. the two of you strolled into a park that was somewhat busy, with kids running amuck as parents watched from afar. thankfully, there was a bench situated under a large tree that was casting shade and allowed you to escape the harsh sunlight.

you followed as jisung got comfortable on the bench, crossing his legs. you sat facing him, making sure you could watch him too as you both relaxed in the fresh air.

neither of you spoke for a while, you just sat quietly and watched as everyone went about their day. that was one thing you had noticed about jisung, in all these years of being his best friend, that he was very observant. he liked to watch people and was very in-tune with how others were feeling and because of that, how to approach different people and to handle them. he was special like that.

"hey ji?" you piped up.

his head immediately turned to look at you, his usually sharp eyes turned soft and his lips forming a small pout. "hmm?" you wouldn’t know it, but his heart skipped a beat whenever you called him that.

"i've been thinking lately."

"about what?"

"have you ever noticed that for two people who are best friends, we don't really speak to each other an awful lot, and when we do it's usually bickering?" in fact, you'd only just recently realised how strange it all was but held off from telling jisung until now.

"best friends? speak for yourself." he lifted a teasing brow, his eyes instantly sharpening again as his quick-witted mind responded before he could think of a genuine answer.

you laughed for a moment as he proved your point and spoke through a smile, "i'm being serious."

"i know, i know." he hummed in thought. "i guess i've never really thought about it that much."

"i suppose it's different for everyone, right?" you mused.

but jisung wasn't completely listening. he wasn't lying when he said he hadn't thought about it, now however. he couldn't stop thinking about it.

"ji?" you prodded his shoulder gently.

his heart skipped another beat, "huh?" his head snapped back to your face once more.

"i said, i guess it's different for everyone." you repeated your words from a minute ago.

jisung nodded hastily, "yeah, you're right." he wanted to leave before you could ask any more questions that would send his heart racing, so he asked a question of his own. "should we go get that ice cream now?"

you headed home in the scorching heat, stopping in at the ice cream shop on the way back. jisung let you try some of his in exchange for some of yours, a fair trade in your eyes. although, you had to eat it quickly as it was melting fast in the sun and hot weather.

the sun was beginning to set once you got home, and truthfully, you hadn't even realised you'd been gone for so long until you remembered you left at midday. when you arrived home no one questioned where you'd been, but they all exchanged glances that you missed as always.

the others had spent the day similarly to you and jisung, just relaxing and enjoying each other's company, except while the two of you walked under in the sweltering heat, they were inside blasting the air-conditioner.

the chefs of the group, felix and minho, were able to cook dinner with extra help from mina and chan. in no time, you found yourselves outside again sitting around the large table eating dinner similarly to last night.

"planning on an early night again y/n?" seungmin asked, his voice laced with teasing intent.

"nope, i'm ready to party tonight!" you said with a laugh that caused everyone to cheer.

"cheers to that!" chan said as he lifted his beer, everyone copied quickly, lifting their drinks no matter the content.

"it's still warm out, hey?" felix pointed out, looking towards the lake.

"perfect for a swim once we're done eating!" mina smiled as she took another bite of food.

"and a drink." minho added while winking.

jeongin laughed, "i'm not drinking anything you hand me, that always knocks me off my feet."

"you say that now, but you always end up drinking it anyway." hyunjin noted, nudging jeongin with his elbow playfully.

"you're one to talk!" changbin exclaimed, "you swear every time, 'i'll never drink another drink from minho ever again!' and then what do you do?" his impression of hyunjin sent the table into fits of laughter.

"not to mention, you're such a lightweight!" tzuyu said through laughs.

"just like y/n." jisung continued with a chuckle, his eyes holding your gaze from the other side of the table. sharp as ever.

"i am not!" you retorted, hands hitting the table defensively.

jisung just laughed. "we'll see about that."

"who's up for shots then?" minho called, standing up.

jisung was right. you knew he would be and so did everyone else, you just hated to admit that your alcohol tolerance was practically on-par with hyunjin because that was embarrassing.

everyone was buzzing as you all ran down to the lake in your swimsuits. the water was surprisingly still rather warm as you leapt in and swam out. exactly like the previous night, the light from the house and the deck shone brightly enough so that it wasn't too dark as you all swam. the music you had begun playing earlier was also loud enough to hear from the shore, and you definitely wouldn't of played it that loud had mina not ensured you that the nearest neighbours were far enough away to not be bothered by it.

everyone was having fun singing, dancing and splashing around when a pair of hands grasped your waist from behind, causing you let out a squeal.

"it's just me." he whispered in your ear.

you recognised that voice immediately, it was jisung.

you spun around instantly, hitting him maybe just a little too hard, "you scared the shit out of me!"

jisung gave you a indignant look, "you know i wouldn't mean to."

for half a second you believed him, until you saw his teasing smirk just a moment later.

"you jerk!" you said with a laugh, wriggling out of his hold and splashing him with water.

it was really a time to be alive. no one had a single thought in their minds besides what drink they'd be having next, and even as midnight was approaching there was no hint of the night coming to end for you all.

hyunjin and minho were dancing a lot closer than everyone else. a laughing mina was trying to urge tzuyu down from the kitchen counter, and just as she did, jeongin and seungmin climbed up. changbin and felix were out on the deck with chan and jisung just standing around and chatting while most of the chaos unraveled inside. and just as you sat down on the sofa, minho called out that he was pouring more shots.

you could probably handle one more.

the music was still going full volume as everyone was gathered together inside. jeongin, seungmin and tzuyu, who had snuck back when mina wasn't watching, were sitting comfortably on the kitchen counter. whereas, everyone else was spaced out between the seats at counter and the sofas.

you all talked and talked and talked the night away until it was getting difficult to keep your eyes open.

jisung, on the other hand, was wide awake. his mind was still occupied by the question you'd asked him earlier in the day. he had no chance of sleep. not when he couldn't stop thinking about his relationship with you and what it really was.

was it more than best friends? it truly hadn't crossed his mind until you mentioned it. everything always just felt normal with you. comfortable.

everyone managed to drag themselves to bed sometime before dawn, it was obvious that no one would be up until after midday the next day.

jisung was the last person to go to bed, he made sure to turn down the music and close all the curtains, turn off the lights and make sure everyone was sleeping comfortably.

once he finally was in bed himself, he could hardly shut his mind off as he saw the faintest glimpse of the sun beginning to rise. thinking about your question from before was no use now, he'd just have to deal with it again in the morning

————

as predicted, everyone slept until the early afternoon, but it was excusable because you were on summer break. at least that's what you told yourself.

the house was a total mess when you woke up and it was already unbearably hot outside. you would get around to cleaning right after taking a cool shower.

you turned the tap on and stepped into the shower, instantly feeling relief from the heat. you washed your hair and cleaned your body as fast as possible, keeping in mind that mostly everyone else would be wanting a shower too, despite how much you could've stayed there for at least an hour.

after wrapping a towel around your body you hurried from the bathroom to your bedroom to get your clothes, but not before nearly bumping into jisung.

"morning." he said, completely nonchalant as he placed his hands on your arms and slipped past you to get to the living area.

jisung seeing you in just a towel should've been a lot weirder, right? but strangely, it wasn't. and he didn't think much of it either, just brushing past you as if it was completely normal and as though he'd done it a hundred times.

"it's 2pm, ji." you pointed out with a smile before continuing into your bedroom.

when you returned jisung was washing dishes and humming to himself in the kitchen. "need a hand?" you offered, leaning against the hallway entrance.

"no thanks," he shrugged, "i've got two." he said, lifting up his hands, one holding a sponge and the other, a plate.

you rolled your eyes lightheartedly and repeated what he'd said to you when he'd just arrived on the first day, "suit yourself."

his eyes narrowed and followed you as you headed for a seat on the sofa. "i could use some help tidying up though."

"that's what i just—" you exclaimed, cutting your sentence short as jisung broke into a cheesy grin. "you're infuriating." you crossed your arms over your chest and glared at him from across the room.

"i thought i was a jerk." he said, turning back around to wash the dishes, and you couldn't see it but he was still smiling in anticipation of your response.

"last night you were for scaring me, but now you're—" you stopped again and huffed, "i give up."

jisung just laughed as you went outside to pick up all the empty bottles and cans and throw them in the bin.

you were still cleaning in silence as everyone else began to wake up.

"did you two have a fight or something? it's deadly quiet in here." seungmin casually pointed out as he threw himself onto the sofa.

mina and tzuyu quickly exchanged confused glances, mentally cursing seungmin for mentioning such a thing as your back was turned.

it was a comfortable silence to you and jisung, but the others felt tension in the air as they constantly wondered what was happening between the two of you.

"huh?" you looked at seungmin, "no, ji has been quite content humming to himself for the last half hour."

"ah, gotcha." seungmin said with a nod, placing his hands behind his head.

"we should go out later today once the weather has cooled off a bit." hyunjun said, "i'm starting to get cabin fever."

"we have been here for three days, hyunjin. you don't have cabin fever." minho jested, hitting hyunjin with one of the cushions on the sofa.

"not to mention we've spent half our time outside and swimming." chan said with a point of his finger.

"where is there to go around here, mina?" felix asked.

mina paused to hum in thought, "the bar is really nice, we could go for dinner."

"i'd never pass up a good dinner." changbin said, taking a cold bottle of water from the fridge.

"you'd never pass up any dinner." jeongin corrected him with a smile.

"that's true," he said with a firm nod, "dinner is important, my friends."

"god, doesn't he sound wise?" tzuyu chuckled.

"changbin is ever a man of principles." jisung said with a laugh, patting his friend on the back.

just like the previous days, you spent the rest of the afternoon relaxing until it was time for dinner. the difference today was that felix and minho would get a break from cooking.

everyone sauntered out the door and began walking into town. besides chan, jisung, and yourself, no one else had left the property, so they were keen to stretch their legs. it wasn't too far either, so it was just enough to work up an appetite for dinner.

the sun was going down when you left, so you'd be walking in the dark home. there was streetlights to the edge of town, then it was about another ten minutes down a dirt road to the lakehouse, so it wouldn't be too bad.

when you arrived the bartender welcomed mina happily, instantly recognising her as she'd been coming here for years.

you sat down at the largest available table and ordered your meals as quick as possible.

the atmosphere was cozy. there was a jukebox in the corner playing all the classic karaoke songs that you knew seungmin and jeongin were dying to have a go at. jisung was sat at the opposite end of the table to you, occasionally daring to glance in your direction and lucky enough to never awkwardly catch you glancing back.

he wouldn't admit it to anyone but himself that something was stirring inside him, it felt like discomfort... discontent. something wasn't quite right but he couldn't put his finger on it just yet.

when everyone was done eating and had spread out through the bar, jisung joined you at a booth by the front window. he sat next to you, rather than in front of you.

"i felt like we were separated by a whole continent at dinner." he said with a chuckle, running a hand through his hair.

"ah, that's why it felt quiet," you joked, "you weren't around to bother me."

jisung crossed his arms and raised a brow at you. "you were literally sitting next to changbin."

"okay, yeah. good point." you agreed.

there was just a heartbeat before jisung spoke again.

"sing with me?"

you blinked. "huh?"

jisung grabbed your hand in his, and that's when you felt it. everything just shifted ever so slightly, finally clicking into place. it all made sense now.

you loved him.

"sing with me!" he repeated, pulling you off the seat and towards the jukebox.

you didn't have time to process the feeling as jisung passed you a microphone and picked a song. you just went with it, if it made him happy you'd sing for hours.

jisung, on the other hand, was trying to drown out that small uncomfortable feeling that was getting more difficult to ignore, as he selected what he remembered to be your favourite song.

he couldn't help but reciprocate the smile that appeared on your face as you exclaimed, "i love this song."

as the two of sang, the rest of your friends gathered around to join in on the fun. half of them were drunk, swaying along to the music and their words slurring as they sung.

it wasn't long before the song finished and the both of you let seungmin and jeongin take over. everyone continued to sing their hearts out, encouraging the rest of the people in the bar to sing along with them. it was a enjoyable night.

"you and your friends should come around more often, the locals seem to like you. y'know, liven up the spirits and all." the bartender said to mina as you all began to leave.

"and drink 'em!" minho said with a wink, causing everyone to laugh.

she laughed and replied, "we're staying at my family's lake house for a while, we'll definitely come back before we leave."

"i'll be glad to have you all back." the bartender bid you farewell with a smile and a wave.

the lot of you began your trek back to the cabin. minho and hyunjin were practically bursting with energy and raced ahead of everyone, laughing and singing the whole way.

you lagged behind with mina, walking in silence until she prodded you with a finger. "so," she drawled, "jisung?"

heat filled your cheeks, which had never happened before. but now you were extremely aware of your feelings and everything was different. "what about him?"

"you know he's like, in love with you right?" mina said with a smug expression.

you snapped your mouth open in surprise, "i wouldn't say love." you lightly hit her arm and giggled. “he’s one of my best friends.”

jisung was up ahead talking with chan, felix, and tzuyu. you saw them grinning at jisung as chan clapped him on the back.

"well he's definitely got a thing for you." mina said, slinging an arm over your shoulder.

when you looked ahead again jisung was gone, you figured he'd ran up to join changbin, seungmin and jeongin.

"hey mina!" tzuyu shouted back towards you two. "come here for a second!" she said through laughs.

"well," mina said, unhooking her arm from around your shoulder, "we'll pick up this conversation again later, yeah?"

you nodded with a smile and watched as she ran to tzuyu and locked hands with her.

you continued strolling along, warily looking back as the last streetlight seemed further and further away and the dark path towards the cabin became slightly creepy. you jogged a few steps forward, not wanting to fall too far behind on your own.

the weather was nice out, just comfortable, and you thought about going for a swim later. where it was lighter. and it wasn't dark. and everyone was together.

you took a few more quick steps forward, listening as everyone's voices grew more distant.

"scared?"

you jumped, your heart practically bursting with fright as you felt a pair of hands on your waist, "holy shit, ji!" you slumped back onto his chest.

"well, isn't this familiar." jisung chuckled as he moved to your side, keeping an arm around your waist. his heart skipped a beat of it’s own as you called him by that nickname.

"you gotta stop scaring me like that, i might die of fright one day!" you tried to play it cool, joking around. what you hoped jisung didn't notice was the way your knees were slightly trembling and your skin burned at his touch.

this was unusual for you two. he was never this physical with you. you were never this nervous around him. you guys never even spoke this much. yet, you were still best friends. or maybe you were more than that now. you didn't know for sure, but something had shifted and neither of you had brought it up.

you felt less scared having jisung by your side for the rest of the walk. despite your nervousness, you found comfort in the silence that enveloped you two. it was almost like how things used to be, before you both realised your feelings for each other. how you the two of you would bicker for a while before progressing into a comfortable silence.

you didn't exactly dislike the idea of having feelings for jisung, it was just new to you, it would take some adjusting. for a brief moment, you wondered if what mina said was true. if he really did 'have a thing for you.' but you couldn't ponder the thought too deeply as jisung's arm fell from your waist as the light of the cabin came into view.

it seemed like everyone had also decided they wanted to have a swim, beating you to it. they were already in the lake, music playing loudly, bottles of alcohol open all over the deck and laughing and singing along with each other.

he gently squeezed your hand before letting go again, "wanna go for a swim?"

the two of you made it inside and changed into swimwear. jisung headed outside to talk with chan and changbin who were sitting on the deck drinking beer. you, on the other hand, were running towards mina who was in the lake.

"mina!" you called out.

"what is it?" she looked at you, a little panicked as you seemed frantic.

"i need a shot—shots actually." you grabbed her arms.

she let out a laugh. "calm down, there's tequila in the kitchen and the shot glasses are already out. minho and hyunjin found them before you."

"okay, okay, thank you." you went to turn around but mina grabbed your hand.

she lowered her voice, "is this about jisung?" you blushed, luckily it was too dark for her to notice it, but your lack of response told her everything you needed to know. "it is isn't it?" she pushed you back towards the cabin, "go! go!"

you found the tequila open on the kitchen counter and an empty shot glass next to it. you tried to be subtle about it as you downed the liquor, but it didn't go unnoticed by hyunjin and minho who were dancing with felix on the couches in their swimwear. mina would most likely scold them for it but she wasn't there to stop them, or so they claimed.

"you're doing shots? count us in." minho leapt over the sofa and picked up a nearby shot glass. you looked up at minho, then down at the glass, then at minho again. "go on!" he smiled.

you filled felix's and hyunjin's glasses too, and your own for a second shot.

"bottoms up!" hyunjin cheered.

jisung looked inside and spotted you just as you consumed the potent liquid. he raised a brow and folded his arms.

"okay, i think i'm ready to swim now." you nodded to yourself. "have fun guys, give me a shout when you wanna do more shots!"

you slid open the glass door to the deck where chan, jisung, and changbin were hanging out.

"you guys coming for a swim?" you asked them.

"changbin and i have already been, sorry!" chan said before taking a sip of his beer.

"i'll come with you." jisung agreed like that wasn't already his intention as he picked up his beer.

you rolled your eyes playfully, "great. stuck with you. again."

chan and changbin laughed at your comment as jisung followed closely behind you down the dirt path to the lake. as you arrived, tzuyu, mina, jeongin, and seungmin were climbing out.

"damn, you guys were too slow to hang out with us." jeongin said with a teasing shrug.

"we'll see you up at the cabin later, yeah?" tzuyu assured you both, "i'm sure minho and hyunjin have no intentions of sleeping just yet."

"have fun you two!" seungmin called out as the four of them left. he was the only one besides mina who had an inkling that you're relationship with jisung was becoming something more than flirting. "they're totally gonna kiss." he mumbled to himself.

mina didn't say anything as she left, she merely winked at you before follow the three others along the path back to the house.

"and then there were two." jisung sighed teasingly.

"don't sound so excited." you joked, slowly wading into the water.

jisung finished off the last of his beer before following you out.

while your back was turned he dove under the water and swam towards you, making an effort to tug on your ankle. you let out a shriek as he came up laughing.

"you're never gonna stop trying to scare me, are you?" you questioned him, raising your eyebrows expectantly.

"nope." he grinned playfully, "i love teasing you."

you narrowed your eyes at him, "that's all you ever do."

"yeah because—" jisung exclaimed before abruptly cutting himself off. he'd nearly just spilled his heart out to you. he needed a second to collect his thoughts and go about this in the right way. delicately and gently, the way it needed to be handled.

"because what?" you mused, swimming towards a more shallow part of the lake where you could easily stand, the water just reaching your chest.

"remember yesterday when you asked me why we don't speak much, even as best friends? and how when we do, it's always teasing?" his voice was low and serious, for once he seemed to want to take a conversation seriously and you weren't exactly sure where it was going.

you simply nodded in response, wordlessly inclining him to continue.

"well i know its a little overdue, but i think i've finally got a proper answer." jisung didn't have the nerve to meet your gaze, so he looked towards the trees instead. "i think... i think the reason we bicker is because it's all i can manage."

"what do you mean?" you practically whispered.

"its like, the only way i can talk to you is with throwaway jokes because if i let myself say anything else, i'd say how i really felt." it was like he'd instantly put up a wall of defense on the day he met you that was built of teasing and you instantly reciprocated. it gradually became what seemed like flirting to everyone else, which neither or you ever noticed.

"and how do you really feel?" you barely managed to say, feeling your heart beating a million miles an hour.

"i'm in love with you. i think i have been for a really long time now but i never fully realised it. there was always just this feeling that bothered me, and over the last few days it's become so much stronger and more difficult to ignore." confessing to you instantly lifted that bothersome feeling from his chest, but just as quickly, a new and even more uncomfortable feeling replaced it. a combination of anxiousness and uncertainty.

jisung still couldn't look you in the eye, he didn't want to see your expression because he was scared it wouldn't be one of love looking back at him.

but he we was wrong. you were looking at jisung like he was your entire world, because truthfully, he was.

you gently placed your hands on either side of his face and pulled him close, until your forehead rested on his. jisung's hands settled on your waist, he seemed to like holding you that way as it wasn't the first time his hands had found home there.

for a moment, jisung's world fell silent, the music from the cabin faded out, the voices of your friends ceased and even the gentle rustling of trees seemed to stop. if you were saying something to him, jisung wouldn't of had the faintest clue. he was totally enthralled in the moment, to him, it didn't matter what you said next. you could of broken his heart, told him to leave and never speak to you again. jisung wouldn't care, he'd still have this moment, here with you, and that would be enough for him.

"jisung," your hands crept up to the back of his neck as you awaited his reply, "ji?" he looked completely zoned out, you weren't exactly sure what else to do, so you pressed a light kiss to his cheek.

jisung's eyes widened and finally locked with yours. "sorry, did you say something?"

"i was just trying to get your attention." you smiled softly, you had never seen him so flustered. he must've been extremely nervous.

"oh, sorry." his hands shifted anxiously on your hips before removing themselves from your body completely, "look it's okay if you just want to forge—"

"i love you, ji." you said, hopefully firmly enough to ease jisung's evident nerves. "i really do, and i think i've known for a long time as well."

his eyes finally softened and he wracked his brain for some kind of snarky response, but nothing came to mind. jisung supposed there was no way that wall of jokes would go up again. would things would be different now? he wasn't scared, he was looking forward to finding out with you.

"do you truly mean it? you’re not drunk are you?" he pouted and began to pull away from you.

you couldn't be quicker to respond, "i promise you i'm serious, okay?"

"okay," he nodded, "okay." he repeated, a smile emerging on his face. "so in that case, is it okay if i do this?" jisung placed his hands on either side of your face and slowly leaned in, waiting just in case you had any last minute regrets.

you didn't. you leaned up to meet his lips halfway and he kissed you deeply, pulling you closer than before. feeling your bare skin against his was not as strange as you thought it'd be, and you very quickly began to enjoy the feeling.

the two of you got lost in yourselves, not being able to get enough of each other. jisung's mouth trailed lower and lower down your neck, to your chest, and then your stomach in light, hasty kisses. you wanted nothing more than for him to keep going but the thought of being seen by your friends made you embarrassed.

"ji," you giggled, "c'mon, not here." you lifted his head with your hands so he was back to eye level with you. but he simply went back to leaving kisses all over your face. "jisung," you whined this time, trying to wriggle out of his grip, not successfully hiding your smile.

"alright, fine." jisung leaned back and smiled, "we should probably head back, hey?"

you both waded out of the water and straight back up to the house, keen to change into dry clothes. chan and changbin had migrated inside with everyone else as the fun continued further into the night.

jisung slipped through the glass door behind you as you were both welcomed with drunken and excited greetings. though you missed it, mina and seungmin both whispered something to each other as you walked to the hallway. you and jisung parted ways to your separate bedrooms to change out of your swimsuits.

when you crept back into the living room you were almost instantly practically yanked onto the kitchen counter by an unbelievably drunk hyunjin and minho. it seemed as though mina had given up trying to keep them off of there. similarly, felix and jeongin were standing on one of the sofas dancing with each other. you happily danced with hyunjin and minho, but your eyes scanned the room for jisung, who you realised hadn't left his bedroom yet.

you hopped off the counter, assuring the boys you'd be back. as you walked into the hallway once more, mina and seungmin exchanged another glance and smirk that went unnoticed by you.

you gently pushed open the door of the bedroom you knew he was staying in, and smiled to yourself when you saw jisung fast asleep sprawled across one of the single beds. quickly, you shut the door and let him sleep peacefully. before you made it to the end of the hall, your path was blocked my mina and seungmin, who both had their arms crossed and were smiling teasingly. they ushered you back and into your room, closing the door behind them.

"so, did you enjoy your swim?" seungmin questioned, lifting a inquisitive eyebrow.

"seungmin!" mina whacked his arm, "could you have been any less obvious?"

you looked between the two of them, knowing exactly what they were getting at. you put on a poker face, pretending you had no idea what was going on, "it was nice. shame that we just missed you guys though."

seungmin laughed, "you might of missed us, but did you really miss us?"

mina rolled her eyes again at seungmin's straightforwardness.

"i'm not sure what you're trying to say, seung." you shrugged in fake confusion.

mina huffed in frustration, "i can't stand this roundabout talk!" she smirked, "just tell us what happened with jisung."

you couldn't hold back your smile, "oh, that."

"yeah, that!" both seungmin and mina repeated.

"we just talked, that's all."

"bullshit!" seungmin exclaimed.

"i'm not telling you guys what you wanna hear." you crossed your arms with a smug smile.

"well, that tells us enough. we were right all along, mina!" seungmin high fived mina and they went to leave the room, both grinning.

mina looked back just before they exited, "we won't tell anyone. promise."

even though she winked as she said it, you knew she was being honest and let out a sigh of relief, falling back onto your bed.

despite the music and other noises coming from your friends down the hall, you managed to drift off to sleep pretty quickly. you hadn't meant to, you were going to return to the party but you just couldn't bring yourself to get off the comfortable bed.

————

you naturally awoke early in the morning because you'd also fallen asleep early. when you entered the living room you were surprised to see that only about half your friends had made it back to their beds last night, the other half were passed out all over the room.

you smiled to yourself. sure they liked to party hard, especially minho and hyunjin, but you'd never seen them like this before.

they'd appreciate breakfast, you thought. as quiet as you could manage, you began preparing to cook. someone must've woken up despite your efforts, though, as you heard a pair of footsteps gently patting across the floor.

it didn't take you long to work out who it was as you felt a pair of hands land on your waist.

you spun around is his grasp to face him, a smile plastered across your face, "ji."

"morning." he replied simply, voice still dense and raspy from sleep. jisung just moved closer to you, settling his chin on your shoulder.

"you’ve got to let go." you tried to escape his hands, not without a smile as his grip only tightened.

"but i don't want to." jisung whined as you turned back around to resume cooking breakfast.

"what if someone sees us?" you cracked an egg into the hot pan.

seungmin—who had woken up before jisung even walked into the room but pretended to remain sleep—smirked as he listened. honestly, seungmin hadn't meant to eavesdrop, it just so happened that jisung walked in and he didn't want to make it awkward by startling the two of you.

his arms recoiled and he frowned, "is that a problem?"

"well," you flipped the egg, "it just might come as a surprise to everyone. i don't know."

seungmin almost couldn't contain his chuckle, remembering the bets everyone had placed at the beginning of the trip.

"okay, i know what you mean. i'm going to change out of the clothes i slept in, i'll be right be back." jisung couldn't help but steal a kiss before he left, a grin creeping onto his face as he just escaped your playful punch.

a blush seeped into your cheeks and you shook your head as you refocused on making breakfast. seungmin took this opportunity to make it known that he'd just woken up, yawning and stretching obnoxiously.

"good morning." he said, smiling.

"morning seungmin, are you hungry?"

he ran a hand through his hair, "yeah, are you cooking breakfast?" he asked as if he didn't already know.

"i am, it'll be ready soon."

seungmin nodded, silently beginning to set the table outside. he decided that he'd given you a hard enough time over the last few days and this was his way of making up for it. jisung soon joined in helping, after having changed into a new set of clothes.

before you knew it, everyone was awake, the outdoor deck table was set, and you'd finished cooking breakfast.

it was a warm day once again, but everyone seemed to have gotten used to it by now. the leaves on the trees blew gently, cooling you all down a bit as you ate.

"you're actually a legend, this is great y/n." chan said, picking up his knife and fork.

"i'm not even sure how half of you can stomach this after last night." seungmin said, glancing around the table, putting in extra effort to stare down minho, hyunjin, felix, and jeongin who had gotten the most out of control the night before.

the four of them laughed.

jeongin put some food into his mouth, "i would be crazy to miss breakfast. especially if it was made by y/n." he added with a grin.

"nobody can argue with that!" changbin agreed, happily digging into the food in front of him.

"enjoy the hangover-free life while you can, jeongin." hyunjin said with a sigh.

minho cackled. "don't be so dramatic, i'm older than you and i feel fine."

"he's just a lightweight, don't worry about it." tzuyu said teasing hyunjin yet again.

hyunjin held his cutlery up at tzuyu in a weapon-like manner, "now you—"

"no fighting at the table!" mina exclaimed, laughter escaping her lips as she reached for hyunjin and pushed his hands down.

"first no flirting, now no fighting." you pointed out with a chuckle.

"it seems that mina would have us do nothing but eat in silence at the table." felix joked.

mina's jaw dropped, "you make me sound like a tyrant, i never said no talking."

everyone finished off their breakfast enjoyably before all chipping in to clean up the dishes.

"what should we do today?" you wondered aloud, hopping onto the counter.

"lets just stay here and relax today." chan suggested as he leapt onto the sofa.

"you? relax?" jisung said.

"i know right, i'm suprised we could convince him to leave the laptop in the apartment." changbin added.

"well..." chan drawled.

"don't tell me you brought it." changbin gave a flat look.

"nah, nah, i'm just joking, i swear it’s at home." chan flung his hands up in surrender.

"our problem still isn't solved." mina said, pulling you off the kitchen counter by the hips. "what are we doing today?"

jisung had been gazing at you, therefore not missing the way mina's hands held your hips. his sharp eyes narrowed just as you caught his gaze and you rolled yours in return. seungmin, who was still being extra observant of you both, didn't miss the interaction and had to place his hand over his mouth to hide his chuckle.

"what's so funny?" minho, who was quick to notice the action, immediately called on seungmin.

seungmin instantly created a response, "i was just remembering how crazy everyone was last night."

"we're getting off topic again." felix pointed out, leaning further back onto the sofa.

"alright," hyunjin clapped his hands once, "what's the plan, bitches?"

"yeah, bitches!" jeongin repeated.

"hyunjin you are such a bad influence in this group, now you've got jeongin swearing!" tzuyu leapt over the back of the sofa to hit him lightheartedly, causing an all-out attack on hyunjin.

"guys!" mina exclaimed.

every paused, thinking they were going to be scolded for fighting and causing disarray in the house once more.

"i've got an idea." she finished.

"i thought you were gonna tell us off again!" felix said, nervously laughing.

"yeah well, that too." mina looked around at all the cushions on the floor and the sofas out of line.

"what's your idea?" you asked mina, as you sat down next to jisung.

"i think there's a dvd store in town, lets rent some dvds, get some popcorn, and have a movie night." mina explained as everyone loved the idea.

"i'm happy to drive into town to get the stuff if you want." you suggested, "what movies do you guys want to watch?" all of your friends began shouting their favourite movies at you. "i didn't catch a single one of those, just text me the ones you want, okay?"

"don't forget the drinks." minho added with a poke to your arm as you stood up to leave.

hyunjin let out a cough and doubled over before collapsing to the floor dramatically, "no more drinks! i think i have alcohol poisoning." he pretended to groan in pain.

"such a lightweight." minho commented under his breath, but purposely loud enough so that hyunjin would hear.

"what was that?" hyunjin practically leapt to his feet and began tackling minho.

tzuyu's palm met her face and mina quickly ushered you out the door, "go, go! let me deal with these idiots."

you slipped out the glass sliding door and onto the deck, not making it too far before you heard mina yell out 'cut it out loverboys!' and you giggled to yourself.

the door behind you opened again and you turned around to be met with jisung who simply smiled, "care for company?" he repeated what he said back on the very first day.

"yeah, but not yours." you did the same thing, repeating what you said in response. "i might ask mina to come with me, she's been kinda cute lately." you wiggled your brows before striding towards the car.

jisung's jaw dropped in surprise as he followed you over and climbed into the passenger seat. "you wouldn't ask her out! she's one of your best friends, it would ruin everything!"

"you were also one of my best friends, ji." you acknowledged, starting the car and heading out the driveway.

"what do you mean were?" he folded his arms over his chest.

"really?" you said bluntly.

"what?"

"don't play dumb with me."

jisung had known what you meant right away, he just wanted to hear you say that he was something more than your best friend.

you sighed, deciding to tell him what he wanted to hear, and what you wanted him to know. "you were my best friend, but now..."

"...now what?" he leaned over, lips hovering over the shell of your ear.

"now you're my," you wanted to turn and look at him but kept your eyes on the road ahead, "boyfriend?"

jisung yanked his head back, "why did you say it with an unsure tone?"

"because we never said that's how it was going to be!" you exclaimed, "besides, i just feel like boyfriend isn't the right word for how i feel about you." you added a little more quietly.

"i see, i see." he grinned, "i love you too." he said with a tease in his voice, and although he understood what you were saying, he wouldn't lie to himself, it would be nice to hear you call him your boyfriend—or something of the sort. "hey, why are you pulling over?"

"so i can do this." you grabbed his face and pulled him close as you began kissing him. jisung smiled against your lips before kissing back with an even stronger sense of passion. "okay," you pulled away, pressing a final kiss to his cheek, "let's go shopping, my love."

jisung blushed and couldn't help but think that it was like you knew what he had been thinking as you called him by a term of endearment.

you made it into town and found the dvd store easily enough, opening up your phone to make sure you got all the movies everyone wanted to watch. some of the options weren't exactly your favourites, and some you'd never heard of, but you were excited nonetheless.

after that, you smiled as you walked down the isles of the grocery store, although it was only a few days ago, it was bizarrely reminiscent of your experience shopping when you first arrived. it was almost comforting, to feel that the connection between you hadn't changed, it still felt just as domestic, and he was still the same old jisung had always known.

neither of you knew where this relationship was headed, and frankly, that was a bridge you would cross once the trip was over. right now, you were just happy to be here with him, happy that you'd finally made sense of your feelings, and happy that jisung was by your side, lover or not.

you scooped a few packets too many of popcorn into the trolley, knowing you could never really have too much with your group of friends. jisung tossed other snacks in, just to accommodate everyone's tastes.

as per minho's request, you also went to the liquor store to get more drinks, because somehow, you were running short on them. even the cashier was surprised, recognising you both and joking about you returning so soon.

jisung offered to drive on the way home but you refused, insisting on tradition. he scoffed about how you driving into town twice does not create tradition and you simply replied that all traditions begin somewhere.

when you pulled into the driveway, jisung couldn't help but to steal a kiss as you parked the car. he helped you bring the bags of snacks inside and everyone whipped their heads around to face the two of you as you entered the house.

everyone went for the bags like hungry vultures, opening the snacks and putting them into bowls. mina and seungmin snatched the packets of popcorn and hurried off to the microwave to cook them, giggling something about you and jisung that you both—once again—missed.

hyunjin and minho went around the room closing all the curtains to best block out the sunlight as it wasn't quite dark outside yet. they somehow managed to turn it into a competition which resulted in a tackling match, much like the one from earlier.

this was to the dismay of everyone else, who had made an effort to arrange the room in a way that suited a movie marathon, sofas faced towards the television and some of the mattresses from the bedrooms on the floor to comfortably seat more people.

once all the popcorn finished cooking, mina and seungmin finished their gossiping, and everyone settled down into their spots, you played the first dvd. it was hyunjin's pick, a 90s rom-com you were familiar with.

you were sat next to jisung, which wasn't anything exciting to anyone besides mina and seungmin, who knew of the little situation between you two. it was comfortable leaning against him and jisung loved feeling the cozy warmth of your body against his. he wanted so desperately to wrap his arms around your shoulders and rest his chin in the crook of your neck, but that would too close and most likely raise suspicions with your friends.

the moon was soon hung high in the night sky and you were about halfway through your collection of dvds. to your surprise, it was felix and tzuyu who opened up the first drinks, they handed them around to everyone.

"now this is my ideal night." minho said, clinking his bottle with jeongin and hyunjin who were sat either side of him.

"lets watch my movie next!" felix suggested, sitting back in his spot next to tzuyu, who you had noticed snuggled awfully close to him. cute, you thought, recalling all the moments of flirtation between them over the last few months, even before the trip.

"alright lix," chan stood up, as he was closest to the dvd player, "which one is it?"

felix pointed to a dvd laying on the floor, it was an action-packed movie by the looks of it.

changbin piped up, "mine after this! its a horror movie." he wiggled his brows.

"that'll be fun, especially with these scaredy-cats." you pointed at jisung next to you, seungmin on the opposite sofa, and felix too.

they each groaned, causing everyone to laugh.

it was the very early hours of the morning by the time all of the movies were over. no one bothered to drag themselves to bed, instead opting to just make the most of their current positions.

————

for once, it wasn't you who was first awake but changbin, who didn't fail to notice the way jisung's arm had settled across your waist as he slept. changbin smiled to himself.

however, it wasn't long before everyone else woke up. instantly everyone was uncomfortably hot, with the sun already high in the sky and all sitting rather close to one another.

"i know that yesterday i said i'd be crazy to miss breakfast but i really need to cool off first." jeongin said, heading straight to his room to change into his swim shorts.

"i second that!" chan agreed.

it wasn't only chan who agreed, everyone was soon in the lake, cooling down, before even eating breakfast, which was shocking to you.

"i reckon it's the hottest day we’ve had yet." felix noted, plunging beneath the cool water.

"i thought i was being cooked alive last night, it didn't help that minho was practically clinging to me." hyunjin added with his typical dramatics.

minho splashed water in his direction, "you were the one clinging to me!"

"there they go again." seungmin laughed as another fight erupted between the two.

mina looked up at the sky, noticing that it must be well past midday. "i'm gonna go prepare lunch, are you guys hungry?"

"swimming has made me even more hungry than usual." changbin said, placing a hand on his stomach. "i'll help you."

about half an hour later all of you were gathered around the outdoor dining table again, despite your earlier complaints about the unbearable heat.

everyone ate happily and you looked around lovingly at your closest friends, your gaze lingering longer on your boyfriend, as he would insist you called him. you hated that the thought of leaving this place crept into your mind, it would be nice to stay here by the lake forever amongst your friends. but of course, that was unrealistic and you all had lives to get back to. at least now jisung was to be more apart of yours.

you'd gotten so lost in your thoughts that you didn't even hear jisung speaking to you.

he nudged you gently, "y/n?"

"huh? sorry, what did you say?"

"i said, are you finished eating?" he pointed to your nearly empty plate in front of you.

"oh," you nodded, "yes, thank you my love."

you hadn't even realised you'd said it. jisung's eyes instantly widened as a blush swept over his cheeks, remembering how you said you didn't want to shock anyone.

well shock you did.

the table burst into chaos.

"what was that?"

"you've never said that to jisung before!"

"what?!"

"come to think of it, they haven't been fighting as much lately."

"and they were cuddling last night!"

"why did you call him that?"

"do you love each other?"

"are you guys dating?"

"called it!"

it was too late to backtrack what you'd said. jisung just laughed as he took your plate to the sink inside.

"i guess you could say that we’re together." you said rather bashfully as exhiliration washed over the table.

mina and seungmin were bubbling over with excitement, finally they didn't have to keep it a secret between them. although, they were thankful this shared secret had brought them closer together. they high-fived before seungmin cleared his throat theatrically, "alright you lot, pay up!"

"pay up?" you questioned. it was your turn to be surprised.

"we made bets on whether you two would end up together before the trip ended." changbin explained with a grin on his face as felix handed him some money.

"some of us had our hunches about you two," mina said as jeongin passed money to her.

"and some of us were absolutely clueless." minho said while laughing as hyunjin groaned, opening his wallet.

"i never doubted you guys." chan grinned as he clapped jisung on the back proudly.

"thanks for making me $20 richer!" tzuyu said to you with a chuckle as she pocketed the money she received.

as everyone happily continued exchanging their money, jisung crept up behind you, hands wrapping around your shoulders.

"at least i can do this now." he whispered, head resting in the crook of your neck like he had wanted to the night before.

you titled your face towards him, "for the record, ji," he waited curiously for you to finish the sentence, "i've always been betting on you."

jisung beamed and kissed your cheek.

mina scoffed obnoxiously albeit jokingly—a habit you noticed she'd picked up from seungmin, "hey! no flirting at the table!"

[its-koili]

hey guys. sorry for being gone for so long. heres an update

(tw for: mention of violence / gore, general distress, mental health issues)

(tw below)

.

basically i had a huge mental health crisis. i was having 24/7 constant rolling panic attacks from may of 2023 to january of this year. my last big meltdown was in early february. been processing a lot of CSA trauma and some recent trauma that ive gone through. i think i talked about my panic attacks before leaving social media but idk i dont remember. isolated myself from absolutely everybody.

the main thing that made me leave was that while i was keeping up to date on the g3n0c1d3 (censoring bc idk how tumblr is about it), and when i was looking in the replies / related of the awareness videos, i came across 4 accounts dedicated to using gore for clicks / shock. not videos of the g3n0c1d3 (thank god bc of how they were using the vids) but of unfortunate every day situations and cam footage. like, the kind of stuff you could see on liveleak back in 2010. just out in the open on twitter. they all had usernames like "(insert number here) ways to die)". they were all content farms for click/ad revenue. it was too much it was a huge trigger and i had a full on meltdown. the bluecheck ppl on twitter were using the replies of the videos people uploaded for raising awareness to upload mindless g0re for money. the fact that peoople have 0 compassion for human life sent me into a spiral that i couldnt get out of. (i reported 3 out of the 4 accounts i was able to and 3 got taken down but 1 is still up and it odesnt seem to be uploading the hardcore g0r3 anymore. so thats good. but that was one of the reasons i left social media. ive been keeping up to date w the news but thats it. i left my socials entirely and ive only been on my phone to look up recipes or to use my computer for media research groceries and gaming and shows

that was the main thing that pushed me to leave. i just couldnt take it anymore. during the start of my crisis last year, i was planning on taking a small break, but all of that pushed me over the edge and i dropped everything. after that, my issues got worse and i dont remember most of it. thankfully. but i couldnt bring myself to talk to anybody. i isolated myself and just. laid in bed. but im doing better so i guess thats good

on another topic ive beeen nervous to post this on main but during all of this (ive talked abt tihs a little bit on my priv before i left) i found out that im a system a long while back. my dad (one of my abusers) had/has DID and it terrified me to think that i could be anything like him. i also knew cereal abuser who pretended to be a system to get away with stuff/abusing their friends (and then years later admitted that they werent a system and siad that systems are fake.) LOTS of tears. lots of crying over this. was in denial for a few weeks. cried some more. then eventually came to terms with it.

i dont want to post abt my system online too much bc i dont want to act like this is some fun trendy thing bc its not. it makes day to day living very hard (some lighter/funnier issues that make it hard are: arguing with an alter bc YOU dont know where THEY put YOUR MEDS, not being able to cook because one alter can and the other cant, your art style not being consistent because their styles are different). i dont want to really make it a massive part of my identity online bc its not a big deal! theres just Multiple Little Guys in my brain. so. im a system! im the same but....this explains why i dont remember talking to certain people SUIDHUFHX. i always felt bad. makes conversing with online friends hard especially if icons/usernames are changed. ill make a separate post about this someday thatll go into detail a bit more.

i went years thinking it was just "kinning" but it wasnt lol. it turns out that your personality completely shifting, tastes in food / music / art / media changing, the way you walk / talk dress changing, and having complete memory blackouts when you """"kin shift"""" isn't normal. /lh (dw ive had a lot of time to come to terms with this)

but basically right now ive been spending time getting to,,know myself?? iive been using simplyplural for myself for several months and im uncovering a lot of my memories / trauma ect bc alters can write down what they need to in the chat. so i can go back later and read it. its been v helpful!

i will not be coming back just yet. i have no interest in using social media rn or drawing or writing unfortunately. ive been working on my original stuff here and there but i havent been drawaing fandom stuff bc im not hyperfixating on a fandom.

also. some things have come up. im not going to say anything until the party in question is stable/safe/comfortable before i even suggest anything for context (i dont plan on talking abt anything at all unless they start talking publicly). right now i am helping someone through abuse. their wellbeing is my #1 concern. i'll think about other things after im sure theyre okay.

i dont really have any resolutions as to how things are going but i do feel better and im not having as many panic attacks. i dont really know where im going with this now sorry. just trying to brush over the basic topics before i go. idk if anybody remembers me bc ive been gone for so long so idk if im just talking into the wind but if i am thats fine honestly this is helping me reorganize my thoughts (i type these vents out a lot on docs so i probably wont remember posting this hiudhvu)

other than that. i dont draw or write anymore. i think in the past 6 months ive drawn like....5 things. its. weird. im completely disconnected from fandoms now. coming up to a full year of not having a hyperfixation at all.

my bday was on the 6th. im 27 now im very old (everybody forgot it asides from my husband (and the people he reminded) n my abuser). ive been trying to cook and bake more and ive been playing video games again. planning on getting back into drawing soon and working on my original stuff. when i come back im planning on redesigning my profiles and updating my social media bios and stuff bc theyre so old. also ill make a section on my carrd for my system. there you go theres some positivity to the update nxfjdfjh. sorry if i dont seem very enthused im very tired so typing has been a chore hfuidshuifv.

sorry that this was a lot or if it seems disjointed i was trying to put down as much into this as possible without making it too long

bye!!! see u all soon!

[practicingsmut]

2YL

college friend!chan x reader, 4k words, public sex but in a secluded area, look I’m using a title for my fic that’s by a band other than fall out boy lol I’m letting you guys know a little more about my taste in music

It had been years since you’d last seen Chan - half a decade, if your math was correct - and yet the moment your eyes met from across the room it was as if it’d been a week at most since you were last in each other’s arms. His breath smelled like cheap beer but his smile was so bright and his eyes shone in the flashing party lights so you couldn’t bring yourself to care.

“Since when are you back in town?” he asked, speaking a little too loudly in your ear in an attempt to make sure you heard him over the music.

“Just this morning,” you replied in the same manner. “Vernon invited me to stay at his new place for a few days, and the sentimentality got to me enough that I said yes even though he doesn’t even have a couch for me to sleep on.”

Chan let out a laugh, loud and clear and beautiful. You felt your heart seize in your chest for a moment; you hadn’t realized just how much you missed that sound until you were able to hear it again.

It wasn’t that you hadn’t talked in the years since you graduated college and moved to the other side of the country, it just hadn’t been often, especially as of late. You tried to remember the last time you had a real conversation with Chan that was more than just sending memes to each other, but nothing came to mind. That was a mistake you never intended to make again.

“So is Vernon here with you?” Chan asked. You shrugged and the action brought you even closer to him, which you wouldn’t have thought possible given all the places your bodies were connected, arms holding each other close while the two of you swayed slightly to the music as you spoke.

“I mean he brought me here, but disappeared almost as soon as we walked in the room.”

You breathed in deeply, closing your eyes and letting the scent of Chan’s cologne take over your senses. It was the same kind he wore back when you first met him all those years ago and you couldn’t help the pang of nostalgia that hit your heart and made you ache in a way you hadn’t felt in a long time.

“Hey, why don’t we step outside and catch up?” you suggest. Chan agreed readily and led you through the crowd, holding your hand tightly in his own so as to not lose you.

One hallway, two floors of stairs, and an apartment building lobby later, you were out in the night. You had barely been at the party for half an hour before running into Chan, but already the fresh air was a wonderful shock to your system after being in the stuffy room. Your ears were ringing as they got used to the quiet after the loud room, but the two of you seemed content just to sit on the curb in silence for a while.

You snapped out of the semi-trance you found yourself in when Chan shifted next to you. He shrugged his jacket off and before you could protest it was around your shoulders. You settled into its warmth instantly and then a moment later you settled against Chan’s side. Your chin came to rest on his shoulder while you wrapped both your arms around one of his, fingers on all three hands fidgeting.

“So what have you been up to lately?” you asked. You made sure to keep your voice soft so as to not disturb the peaceful night.

Chan shrugged, careful not to disturb you where you leaned against him.

“You know, just more of the same. Making music, trying to hit it big just like every other self-made artist in this city. Played a couple gigs over the summer, but nothing much going on since then.”

“That’s fair,” you answered, not sure what else to say. 

“What about you? Anything new going on?”

“I might be getting a promotion,” you admitted.

“What?” Chan pulled away, not far enough to break contact with you, but just enough that he could look you in the eyes. “Why didn’t you say anything about that before? That’s great news!”

“Well, I didn’t want to jinx it. It’s not set in stone, but it’s looking pretty good that I’m the top candidate for the position.”

“Of course you are, you’re amazing,” he insisted. You felt yourself blush under his gaze and showering of compliments. “Let’s go do something to celebrate.”

A moment later you were on your feet, one hand holding Chan’s and the other clutching the front of his jacket in order to keep it from falling off of you.

“Chan, where are we going?” you asked with a laugh.

The only answer you got was him telling you to wait and be patient. You knew you weren’t going to get anything else out of him so you contented yourself with following as he led you through the city streets to your destination. You took a moment to text Vernon and let him know you had left the party with Chan while you were waiting for a crosswalk light to change, but other than that your attention was fully on the man in front of you. Eventually he led you to a tall building, pulling out a card from his wallet that he scanned in order to get you to the front door.

“Chan, where are we?” you asked, whispering. The lights were all off, but you weren’t certain that you two were alone in the building. He waited until the two of you were sequestered in the elevator before answering.

“My friend works for the music label that owns this building. I did some songwriting for an artist of theirs a few weeks back so they gave me this keycard to come and go as I pleased. I was going to return it, but now I’m glad I didn’t.”

“I still think we’re going to get in trouble for this! Even with the keycard, it feels like breaking and entering.”

Chan looked over at you, a soft smile on his face. “We’ll deal with the consequences tomorrow, yeah? Tonight I just want you to be in the moment with me.”

You took a deep breath to try and calm your frazzled nerves before nodding. Then the elevator doors opened not to a regular floor of the building, but to a rooftop deck. You stepped out hesitantly with Chan right behind you. He stepped over to flip a switch, and a moment later you were marveling at the scene laid out in front of you.

Four long couches were set up in a square around a firepit, their sleek white design screaming corporate modern though the seating parts of them still looked comfortable enough. Rows of string lights crisscrossed overhead to keep the area lit in a warm yellow glow. The further you stepped forward, the more you could see of the city sprawled out ahead.

“It’s beautiful,” you breathed out.

“Yeah,” Chan agreed softly, but when you turned to face him, he wasn’t looking out at the view. He was looking at you.

Once again you found yourself blushing. You didn’t know what had come over you - through all the years of being friends with Chan, he had never had this effect on you before. Sure, he’d always been handsome, but that wasn’t enough to set off the butterflies in your stomach the way you were feeling now. It was the way he looked at you, like he had never seen anyone so beautiful and he never wanted to look away.

“Come sit down, your feet are probably aching from all the walking,” Chan said, taking you by the hand once more and leading you over to one of the couches.

You hesitated for a moment when you first sat next to him before throwing caution to the wind and snuggling into his side. Chan’s arm moved almost instinctively to wrap around you, bringing you even closer. You pulled your feet up to tuck under you, only a little worried about having your shoes on the fabric seat. The heeled booties you picked out for the night were a pain to get on and off with all the laces and you didn’t feel like dealing with that just then.

“Do you ever think—” you started.

“What are you—” Chan said at the same time. “Sorry, you go ahead.”

“No, it’s fine. What were you going to say?” you insisted. The question you had been about to ask was a personal one, maybe too personal to ask even as close a friend as Chan when you’d drifted apart the way you two had, and the ulterior motives that came along with it were probably a bad idea.

“I just wanted to know if you had any plans for tomorrow.”

“I don’t think so, why?”

“I was thinking maybe you and I could go out and do something. That’d be selfish of me to ask, though. You came all this way to visit Vernon, and here I am stealing you away from him.”

You let out a light chuckle. “Chan, you’re my friend, too. I’m sure Vernon doesn’t care that I want to spend time with you. I spent all day with him today, I’m sure he can spare me for a few hours tomorrow. What did you have in mind?”

“Nothing in particular, really. We could get food - there’s this place near my apartment that does half price drinks on Sundays for brunch.”

“That sounds nice, I’d love to go to brunch with you.”

You were hoping the silence that settled over the two of you would last a bit longer, but then Chan began speaking again.

“Hey, what were you going to say before?”

You waved your hand dismissively. “Oh, it was nothing. Don’t worry about it.”

“No, tell me. I want to know.”

A moment later your hand was in Chan’s, his thumb rubbing small circles on the back of it. With a sigh, you gave in to his insistence.

“I was just wondering if you’ve ever thought about moving out of this city. I know you came here for the music scene, but people make music everywhere. You don’t have to stay here to do what you love.” You wanted to look away, but the way Chan’s eyes sparkled under the string lights had you utterly captivated.

“And where would I go?”

Chan’s voice was low and sweet and made you want to answer with something right away, but the words you wanted to say most stuck in your throat. There was no way you could bring up your suggestion completely out of the blue. So instead of answering Chan’s question with words, you half rose from your seat so you could lean in and kiss him.

His lips molded to yours instantly, warm and soft. You left the hand that was holding his where it was, but your other one came up to hold onto his shoulder. You needed the leverage to be able to swing your leg around to straddle him.

How had you never thought of kissing Chan before? If you’d known it would make you feel like you were floating among the stars that twinkled overhead, you’d have done it years ago. Or maybe it was a good thing you didn’t - absence makes the heart grow fonder as they say, and maybe spending so many years apart was the push your heart needed to realize how you felt about Chan.

“Is this okay?” he mumbled against your mouth as his hand slid down your side to rest on your hip.

“More than okay, Channie,” you replied before sticking your tongue in his mouth to pull him into a deeper kiss.

You pushed yourself impossibly closer to the man underneath you and in response he let out a low groan - now that was a sound you had to hear again. You rolled your hips once, twice, three times, only coming to a halt when Chan’s firm grip kept you from doing it again.

“If you keep doing that, I’m not going to want to stop,” he warned. His voice sounded thick like he was holding something back.

Pressing a peck to his cheek, you leaned in to whisper in his ear, “Who said anything about stopping? I was thinking we might go all night.”

And just like that, Chan had both of his hands on your hips but instead of keeping you from grinding down on him, he was holding you there so that he could buck up against you. You gasped, feeling just how hard he’d become underneath you. He wore a simple pair of joggers and you had on a thin pair of linen pants, so there wasn’t much between your already dripping core and his thick cock. You tried to keep kissing him, but with everything going on below your waist, you were a bit distracted.

Some time later - it was impossible to tell just how long, it could have been minutes just as easily as it could have been an hour - you pulled away. Chan’s hands immediately stilled, a confused look gracing his features as he waited for you to make the next move. With a smile you kissed the tip of his nose before wiggling out of his grasp and dropping to your knees in front of him.

“Oh, you don’t have to… you know…” Chan said, face turning red as he struggled to put to words what was going on. You couldn’t help but laugh at how awkward he had gotten.

“I know I don’t have to,” you started, reaching for the waistband of his pants, “but I really want to. Unless you don’t want me to?”

Chan spluttered for a moment, almost choking on his next words. “Oh, please, do what you want. I just wanted to make sure you weren’t doing things just because you felt obligated.”

“You’re so sweet, Channie.”

And then you were pulling down his pants and his boxers to let his cock spring out. You bit your lip to keep from drooling; it was even bigger than you had expected and you couldn’t wait to feel it stretch you out. You had to wait, however, as your mouth was closer and wanting to feel the weight of him just as badly as your cunt.

Chan let out a deep groan as you trailed the tip of your tongue along the vein that ran the length of the underside of his cock, pressing a sloppy kiss to the head once you got there. You licked up and down his length a few more times before taking the tip of his cock into your mouth and bobbing up and down a few times. A moment later you realized what felt off about the moment and moved one of his hands so that it was resting on the back of your head instead of on his thigh. The other one, somehow, was still holding tightly onto yours.

“Fuck, how are you so good at this?”

You couldn’t think of a snarky comeback, but it didn’t matter as your mouth was preoccupied anyway. Chan took over the rhythm of your movement, pushing your head down again and again until you were nearly gagging from his cock hitting the back of your throat. It was a bit overwhelming, but at the same time it only made your panties wetter. A minute later though, you squeezed Chan’s hand to let him know you had to come up for air.

Chan moved his hand to cup your face and he ran his thumb absentmindedly across your bottom lip as he let you catch your breath. It was a cute moment not at all marred by the fact that his eyes were glued to your heaving chest. You glanced down, catching sight of your very erect nipples and remembering that you hadn’t bothered to wear a bra since it would have been visible due to the deep neckline of your shirt. With a mischievous glint in your eye, you slowly slid your shirt out of the way so your breasts would be completely visible while taking Chan’s thumb into your mouth the way you had just had his cock.

“I won’t stop you if you want to keep going as you were, but right now I want nothing more than for you to be riding me.”

You pulled your mouth off of Chan’s thumb with a pop. “Well, when you put it like that…”

Pants and panties discarded, you were more than willing to sit on Chan’s cock as it was, but being the gentleman that he was, Chan insisted on using his fingers to prepare you first. You wanted to complain but found that you couldn’t once the pads of his fingers started rubbing against your g-spot; his thumb found your clit but stayed immobile. Well, as immobile as it could be with the way your hips bucked involuntarily.

“Channie,” you whined, leading him to let out an airy laugh.

Peppering your face with little kisses to appease you, Chan kept at his ministrations for a moment longer before sliding his fingers out of you. While he was distracted wiping his hand clean on his boxers, you took the opportunity to line his cock up and sink onto it. As much as you had wanted to get straight to things, you were glad Chan had taken the time to use his fingers because he was thick.

“A little impatient, are we?” he asked with a smirk. He had to hold back a groan as you started to slowly slide yourself up and down his shaft.

“When it comes to you? Definitely. I can’t believe college me was stupid enough to overlook you for all those years,” you answered.

Chan pulled you in for another deep kiss, one hand cradling the back of your head with a tenderness that almost seemed too soft for the moment. His other hand was on your thigh, gripping tighter the faster you moved. When your mouths finally broke apart, Chan threw his head back, leaving his neck open for you to kiss and bite and suck on. You hoped to leave a garden of hickeys for him to see the next morning.

“You know, we’re still young. Plenty of time to make up for what we missed out on.” Chan’s voice was strained and you could tell he was getting close. You sped up, riding him as fast as you could in an effort to get him to his climax. Your thighs burned with the effort but the way the head of his cock nudged your g-spot over and over again had you seeing stars.

“Yeah? Gonna fuck me like this every weekend?” Your words came out much the same as Chan’s - it seemed like you were both holding back until the other orgasmed first. He suppressed a shiver as your breath ghosted over his throat.

“Every day if you’d let me,” Chan countered. You let out a peal of laughter that was interrupted by a gasp as Chan repositioned himself in order to slide into you even deeper. You’d never felt so full; you were sure that if he were able to go any further his cock would be kissing your cervix.

“And what about dates? Are you going to take me out on the town?” At this point you weren’t even sure if your words were coming out coherently, but Chan seemed to understand what you were asking.

“As if I wouldn’t take every opportunity to show you off. We’ll go to museums and concerts and… and…”

“And what, Channie?”

“And I need you to tell me where I’m cumming because I’m not going to last more than another minute,” he admitted.

You slammed yourself down hard on Chan’s cock, keeping still as you clenched around him. “I want you to fill me up,” you whispered.

Not even thirty seconds later, he was doing just that. His hand slid up your thigh in order to reach your clit; from the second his thumb made contact he was rubbing harsh circles in an attempt to get you to your climax. Luckily you were already close. You reached your peak before Chan finished painting the inside of your cunt white.

You laid against his chest for a couple of minutes, Chan’s arms looping themselves around your back. The two of you were breathing much too hard to speak for a good while. Once your heart stopped beating like a jackhammer inside of your chest, you slowly peeled yourself out of Chan’s embrace. You grabbed your panties and pulled them on immediately, hating the squelching feeling but not wanting to cause a mess on the couch. You somehow managed to get nothing more than sweat on the fabric, something you counted yourself lucky for.

“We should, uh, probably get going,” you suggested.

Your words spurred Chan into action and soon enough the two of you were as put together as you could be and heading back out of the building.

“I really hope they don’t have cameras on the roof,” you said with a nervous chuckle.

Chan hummed in response. “You know, you still didn’t answer my question.”

“And what question would that be?” you asked, knowing full well what the question was.

“If I were to move away from the city, where do you think I should go?”

Your eyes stayed trained on the ground as you walked, but with your hand in his Chan was easily able to swing you around so that you were facing each other.

“I mean, I always see advertisements for open apartments around where I live…” you finally answered. Despite having just rode this man’s cock into oblivion, facing Chan and telling him you wished he lived closer to you felt like the most intimate thing you’d ever had to do.

Chan considered his response for a moment. “That would make it easier to fulfill my promise of taking you out on dates and fucking you every day,” he said finally.

He couldn’t help but smile at the blush that crept up your neck, taking a moment to kiss your forehead and then your lips once more before the two of you resumed walking.

“I hope Vernon doesn’t mind me using the spare key he gave me. There’s no way I’m letting you sleep alone tonight.”

“So what, you’re gonna snuggle up on the couch with me? I’m not sure there’s gonna be that much room.”

“That just means I’ll have to hold you close,” Chan said, pulling you in as he spoke. “Though I’m starting to think we might not make it to brunch tomorrow.”

“Why’s that?”

“Well, we’re probably going to want to sleep in after staying up so late tonight. Then we’ve got to pencil in time to stop by my place so I can change my clothes, and once I’m naked there’s a non-zero chance you’ll want to jump my bones again,” he explained.

“Channie!” you squealed in protest, nudging your shoulder up against him. He wasn’t wrong though - you probably would want to have sex with him again the second you saw him naked.

“Then there’s the time consuming task of researching apartments. The sooner I get to that, the sooner I can get moving.”

“You’re really gonna look into moving out by me? I must be a better fuck than I thought,” you joked. He let out that bright, beautiful laugh again.

“I mean, you weren’t wrong about me not having to stay here in order to pursue music. A change might be just the thing I need, especially if that change means I get to be close to you again.”

The two of you walked on in silence. It wasn’t until you were back at Vernon’s apartment about to open the door that you spoke up.

“Hey, you know what I just realized? There’s this place around the corner from where I live that my friend works at, and I’m pretty sure they do half price drinks for brunch. I’d love to take you sometime.”

Chan paused in the doorway, flashing you his beautiful smile.

“I’d love nothing more than to go to brunch with you.”

[shreddedparchment]

Perennial Pt.21

Faith

10/06/2022

Pairing: Bucky x Florist!Reader          Word Count: 2,420

Warnings: blood, violence, angst, pining, cuteness, language

Featured Flower: None

A/N: I can’t believe I was able to get this one out tonight. It’s highly unedited. Sorry. I’m still in a lot of pain. Lots going on in my life right now but I want to focus on this chapter. If you read it, let me know what you think and if you enjoyed it! What did you like about it? Distract me, y’all. xoxo

After a few days of Bucky’s absence, you’re worried.

Finally, at the end of the week, he sends you a text.

Bucky: Miss me?

You: Duh! Where are you?

Bucky: Sorry, kid. Better to keep that under wraps until things are done.

You: Which will be when?

Bucky: I don’t know.

You: Bucky…

Bucky: I know, sugar. Trust me.

You: Why did Steve ask me for my keys?

Bucky: He and Tony are checking out the apartment to make sure it’s safe. They’re gonna install a security system. Top of the line. No one is getting anywhere near you again without me and the entire Avengers team knowing.

You: Wouldn’t it be easier to just have you with me all the time?

Bucky: I wanna come home, kid. I’m sorry I didn’t text sooner. And I probably won’t be texting with any more frequency. If anything, you might hear from me less.

You: I know. I’m sorry. I’m just stressed. You just got back and now you’re gone again.

You: Kinda feels like I saw you more before we started dating. Maybe we should break up and then I can see you more?

Bucky: …

You: A joke, you grump.

Bucky: Jokes are supposed to be funny.

You: And a new couple is supposed to be happy. I’m just trying to bring some levity to an inescapable situation, okay? You know damn well that now that I have you there’s no way I’m letting you go. Do you know how long I watched you from afar? Wishing?

There’s a pause and you think he might be done texting but then your phone dings again.

Bucky: When I get home, I’m gonna make sure you know how much I miss you.

You: Sap. You threatening to dick me down?

Bucky: Pfft, do you have to say it like that?!

You: lol How else should I say it? I want you all the time.

Bucky: Nowhere near as much as I want you.

You: Wanna bet?

Bucky: Once your place is done, you need to make sure you stay there from now on. It’ll be safer than mine.

You: Fine. But I’m taking your pillow. And some shirts.

Bucky: Take them. Whatever you need.

Bucky: Shit, I gotta go.

You: Okay. Bye.

Bucky: Love you, kid.

You: I love you. Be safe.

~~~~~~~~~~

Two Months Later

“Wow, apparently the corruption went all the way into the royal family,” Kamala exclaims in quiet awe as she watches the TV you’d installed in the corner of the coffee shop.

Normally you have it set to some relaxing music that you know your flowers enjoy just as much as your coffee patrons, but as you’re closing, you give Kamala reign over the remote.

“Is this what Bucky has been doing?” She wonders, turning to look over at you as you finish counting the money in the till.

“I don’t know,” you admit. “I haven’t heard from him in three weeks. And honestly, he can’t really tell me anything about what he’s doing. Safety and all that shit.”

Kamala shuts the TV off and moves to put the remote in its spot by the register. She’s smirking, her young face full of amusement as she leans against the counter.

“You miss him lots, huh?” She guesses.

You sigh, realizing that the bitterness you’re feeling at his lack of contact is because you truly do miss him more than you ever thought you could. Even when he’d disappeared you hadn’t missed him like this.

Dating him is making things harder.

“So, I guess that means you have no idea when he’ll be home, huh?” She asks, seemingly already knowing the answer from the tone of her voice.

“Nope. Just gotta wait.” It’s the waiting that’s killing you.

Knowing he’s out there somewhere. Knowing that he’s alive and not calling. Not texting.

And he is alive because you won’t let yourself think anything else.

You can hear Kamala talking as you wrap up the profits for the day and slip it into a deposit bag. She follows you as you place it in the safe in your office and make sure it’s locked securely before shutting off the light and getting your bag.

She’s still chirping away about Steve and her trip to the tower as you’re pulling down the metal shutters of your shop. With a sigh, she takes the keys from you and bends down to lock it for you before placing the keys back in your hand.

“You didn’t hear anything I said, did you?” She asks, not really waiting for an answer because she already knows you weren’t focused.

“I’m sorry,” you shake your head, remorse and worry lacing your slight bitterness from before. “I’m just…I want him home.”

Kamala nods, adjusts her bag, and then reaches out to pat your shoulder.

“I have math homework. Bye, boss.”

You watch her turn on her heel and march–well, almost skip–off into the city. “See ya.”

You stare until she’s a small figure in the distance and just as expected, just as Steve said, you see the glimmer of her power shine for a split second before it zips up into the sky above the tall buildings.

She’s still so young and yet she has that much power. Such a heavy burden for such a young girl. Worse that she doesn’t exactly see her gift like the heavy responsibility that it really is.

You can’t blame her. At her age, you’d have probably been just as excited to stretch your muscles and see what you could do had you been gifted with some type of power.

A strange yearning takes hold in your chest as you turn to head up into your building, wishing that you really had been given powers of some kind. At least then you could be with Bucky when he leaves for this long.

You’re so wrapped up in your missing Bucky that you don’t notice the looming figure resting against the wall beside the elevator doors as you exit on the top floor. Your brain, on some level, notices the shape in your periphery, but you don’t turn until the accented voice calls your name.

You freeze, keys clutched more tightly in your fist and turn to look at the familiar Sokovian.

He looks like shit. His hair is a mess sticking up in several directions and laced with grime and some type of sticky clear substance. His long fur lined coat is frayed and torn, smeared with dirt. His pants are no better. The purple mask clutched in his hand is ripped in several places so that if he were to put it one of his eyes would peek out unobstructed, cheekbone and temple too.

“Where is he?” you gasp, unable to catch your breath as your stomach drops and your chest goes cold.

Zemo swallows, pushes off of the wall and approaches you with surprising calm.

“Come,” he urges you and reaches to take hold of your forearm.

You don’t resist as he pulls you back into the elevator and ride it all the way down to the first floor. He steers you towards the back alley exit, releasing your arm when he’s sure you’ll continue to follow him.

Neither of you speak as your hands grow cold and sweaty. Your neck prickles as dread fills your belly and Zemo continues to stalk through the dark city streets.

It’s probably minutes–though it feels like hours–of walking later when Zemo finally stops in front of a rusted warehouse door, his eyes scanning the area quickly before he ducks inside and you match his urgency and shove into the darkness behind him then round him as he shuts out the dim city lights.

You can hear the dust of the abandoned space shift beneath his heavy boots as he walks around you again and when his hand closes around your forearm again you let him pull you along through the darkness.

Silhouettes of broken crates, old metal lockers, warped metal stairs, and the smell of rust surrounds you. There’s a faint dripping somewhere to your left as you pass an open doorway but inside is more darkness that you only glance at as Zemo leads the way.

The heaviness in the air fills your nostrils, the dustmotes kicked up by your feet tickle your nose and you somehow manage to resist sneezing as Zemo stops again, this time a long vertical silver line shines ahead.

He hesitates then after a moment drags you the rest of the way to the silver line which you realize is light seeping through the crack between two large wooden doors.

He knocks and a shift on the other side blocks out the shine for a second, the outline of a masked figure darkens the space before the doors are pulled open.

“What the hell are you doing?” The aggression in the masked man’s voice makes you bristle but you have no time to be offended by the curl of his lip as he watches Zemo and waits for an explanation.

You’re busy devouring the space behind him, the large expanse and the single metal gurney at the center of the empty warehouse where a dark figure lays too still.

“What I promised,” Zemo says.

You see a shine of dark metal on the gurney and your gasp catches in your throat as your eyes sting painfully. Your feet move on their own, dragging you forward into a run towards the figure but before you can even make it three steps a tight grip takes hold on your upper arm and yanks you back roughly.

“Stop,” the helmeted man growls. “What is this?”

“Let me go,” you demand, no fear in your voice. Only anger at being stopped.

“I haven’t put a bullet between your eyes out of respect for the acquaintance we share. If you do not wish to end up on a missing person’s report, I suggest you release the woman.”

Zemo’s threat is real but still the masked man doesn’t let go.

“Walker…” Zemo warns.

Another two seconds pass and you can feel John Walker’s hand slowly loosen. You pull out of his grip and race to the gurney with watering eyes.

“This is an unnecessary risk,” the U.S. Agent says.

“If that were you laying there, he would not have hesitated to bring your wife.”

John makes some type of noise in the back of his throat but doesn’t say anything again.

Bucky looks like shit too. Just like Zemo, only worse. He’s so pale, his lips almost blue in the dim light that filters in from the long line of horizontal windows along the top of the warehouse walls. As coated in dust as they are, it isn’t much.

“Oh my god, Bucky…” you sob quietly, your heart breaking at the cuts to his beautiful face. His right arm is broken and crudely slung across his chest in what looks like torn up old shirts or sheets.

As you explore his body you notice a long gash along his right thigh, a stab wound just underneath his ribs on the right, and his face is black and blue in the spots that are not pale as a ghost.

You sweep his greasy black locks out of his sweaty, dirty face and bite down hard on your lip to keep from crying out.

“What happened?” You ask the two men behind you.

“We were moments from victory,” Zemo begins. “The last of the threat was nearly contained when Barnes noticed the trap set for us. He saved us both with the last moments he had before the bomb went off.”

You sob as your hands flutter pointlessly around his handsome, grimy face.

“When the dust settled,” Walker says, sounding bored by his words as he speaks them. “He was just laying there. Didn’t move. Wouldn’t move. We were able to finish the job but Bucky didn’t and hasn’t woken up in a week. It took us forever to get him back here unconscious and under the radar.”

The way Walker talks about the ordeal of getting Bucky home it sounds as if he’s annoyed by the inconvenience. You almost reach for Bucky’s knife at his hip and throw it at him but resist the urge and instead start rifling through your purse.

“I would have taken him to your apartment,” Zemo says softly. “But we thought perhaps moving him again might do more damage. His pulse is very weak and we’re not sure why he isn’t healing. I think something is suppressing his abilities. Normally I would rejoice in the new possibility of nullifying his type of strength but despite our turbulent history, Barnes is not a bad man. I promised to make certain that you two were reunited.”

Zemo sure did keep his word. Your fingers move at lightning speed through your contacts and you press your phone to your ear as it rings frustratingly slow.

“Who are you calling?” Walker asks, sounding irritated.

“Steve,” you tell them.

“Then this is where I leave you,” Zemo says. “I have kept my word. I hope you find a way to save him. Truly.”

When you turn to thank him for at least making sure you two managed to get back together you find he’s already gone.

Strangely, Walker moves towards you and unholsters the pistol at his hip. He removes the safety and then turns it around to offer you the handle.

“You know how to use one of these, right?”

You nod.

“I can’t be here when they get here. If anyone asks…”

“I get it,” you take the gun, fingers tingling at the powerful weight.

Walker gives you a nod, gives Bucky one last glance, then turns and leaves through the same doors that Zemo had brought you in through.

The phone finally stops ringing and Steve’s sleepy voice calls your name, “What’s wrong?”

“Steve,” you sob loudly finally.

“Where are you? What’s happened?” Steve demands, already breathing hard as you’re sure he’s pulling on his clothes and heading out the door.

“Bucky…” you begin. “Help me, Steve.”

“Turn on your bracelet,” he orders. “We’re on our way.”

The line goes dead and you reach with wobbly fingers to pinch the repaired silver button on your bracelet. It warms under your touch, vibrates once very quickly, and you hope that Steve and the others are fast enough to get here before you fall apart completely.

[tricitymonsters]

so i went to my first live metal show a couple weeks ago and the last guy was this INSANE d&b musician who was literally DRENCHED in sweat by the end of his set to the point that he brought an extra shirt onstage to change into immediately after and also he BROKE A DRUMSTICK during his set and then chucked it into the crowd before whipping out another one--he barely missed a beat it was absolutely insane

anyway--Mori Vibes

this has inspired me to dump about mori Live Show vibes so here's a cut to spare your dash

I have SO many feelings about mori at shows... first that if you wanna hear drums that really press the Mori light in my brain, check out the Vandals. Their drummer is a beast and has played in a bunch of much bigger bands. They covered So Long, Farewell from the Sound of Music and just let the drummer basically show off through most of this and its very easy for me to put Mori on top lol

Mori wears drum gloves most of the time!

He loses his shirt really fast cause he's a sweaty mess about 15 minutes into his set.

He usually brings a bucket of sticks with him that he keeps near his stool so if he breaks one mid show he's got replacements.

He has thrown sticks at people in the crowd

If he forgets his gloves, his hands are usually blistered and bleeding by the end of an hour long set.

His drumheads are like. All stained. Blood and other substances. Some have duct tape, he's got a bike chain taped to one of his toms.

Mori drumming is an intense work out and the amount of sweat coming off this man is Absurd.

His hair never stays up during a whole set.

Sometimes harmonizes from back there or does light back up vocals.

Mori's not the most TRAINED musician but he's got super strong rhythm and kind of an innate sense of what he needs to be doing and when. He's good at the technical stuff but he mostly just wants to play fast and hard.

He will 100% stage dive if he gets the opportunity, the rest of the band tries to corral him back to the drums but they gotta catch him first.

Mori loves to mosh/circle jerk and instead of preparing in the green room he's on the floor either jumping into people or running in a tight circle with 50 other guys.

[spongebob-connoisseur]

can you rate some sbsp ships? idk i think it’s fun seeing peoples opinions on them haha

Oh sure! I feel like I did this before but I can't find the original post so I'll do it again 👌

I don't particularly ship any of the sb characters so its going to be mostly my thoughts.

Squidbob - 6.5/10 - I'm going to get hate but I never cared for the sunshine x grumpy ships. I don't hate it. In fact it's probably the only type of sunshine x grumpy ship that I'm not completely indifferent to. Spongebob is super affectionate towards squid and Squid doesn't want to admit he cares for him but he does. It already has a good set up. Its cute. I'm not a ride or die for it but its nice.

Tho for a long time I assumed Squid was way older than Spongebob (before the age changes from kamp koral) which is also why I never got around to shipping them. I think squid is still a little older but by 2-3 years.

Patbob - 6.5/10 - Same rating as squidbob. Tho I prefer silly x silly ships so I feel like I'll be a little biased towards this one. I feel like I previously would have given this a lower rating but recent episodes make me like it a little bit more. Particularly more recent episodes showing hoe much Patrick cares for spongebob and defends him and even gets a little jealous when someone else gets some of SB's affection. Its too cute and I want more of it <3 I'll just pretend the jerky Patrick episodes don't exist.

Patsquid - 6/10. - a recent one! Episodes like Squisery and Pat Hearts Squid is what prompted it. I never thought Squidward and Patrick would ever get along but they do! And very well. Patrick is very enthusiastic to learn and do whatever Squid is learning and Squidward has someone who's actually interested in him. Patrick is very malleable and Squidward can easily mold him into what he wants. But even without that, they can have fun together. Unexpected duo but one I really enjoy watching.

Spandy - 3/10 - I remember folks on DA were ride or die for this ship. I on the other hand just don't see it. She's like a big sister figure to him. This is the one ship I just can't get around to liking. Its just there. No beef to anyone who likes it.

Plabs - 7.5/10 - the angst fics and stuff are what makes it interesting. SB fans took the episode Friend or Foe and used it to fuel most of this ship. That episode sits on the shoulders of god. On a surface level they don't seem much interesting. Two enemies who fight every week or so. But the show ended up developing their relationship a lot in seasons 4-5 and folks just can't let it go. Two childhood best friends who ended up having a fight and falling out with each other. But they still fight as adults just so they can see each other. Both of them getting depressed when the other has "moved on". They can't be together because of pride but they also can't stand to be apart from each other. High quality fanfiction material.

They like each other but they also would never admit it. But one would sabotage the other so they'd never leave them. They have so much potential. I wish more recent episodes would go into this further. I really want more of it.

Idk they sorta remind me of the quote "You construct intricate rituals which allow you to touch the skin of other men" Yeah that's these two specifically.

I really want to see these two break the cycle and actually face their feelings lol

Plankaren - 2/10 - if we're talking about the musical characters tho then it gets 7/10. But in the main show. Nah. Plankton is just horrible to Karen. I feel sorry for her a lot of the time. She desperately wants his affection but this man would rather smooch his enemy than her. I get why she's like that. She should poison her husband. As a lil treat <3

Tho their musical counterparts are super cute. Two evil geniuses who want to take over the world and their love is fueled by their lust for tyranny. A match made in heaven <3

Karendy - 8/10 - super cute! I didn't expect to care for it much but recent episodes proved otherwise. They get along so well. Karen really has a type for geniuses. Except Sandy is actually nice to her and compliments her and the recent Gal Pals only made me enjoy their duo even more. I want more of it.

Puffkrabs - 5.5/10. I find the episode Krusty Love so cute and I would've given them a higher rating if I was just talking about that episode but male characters in SB often have a track record of being shit boyfriends/husbands so yeah. I REALLY don't like the direction their relationship has been going as of recent. I guess its inevitable but I always thought it was sweet that Krabs liked Puff so much that he didn't care about money for a moment. Also the fact that their both likely widows/widowers makes it somewhat interesting to me. But of course bad habits die hard and Mr. Krabs's love of money is harming their relationship and they nearly broke up. That's not even the main problem, since she doesn't care about money much. It's just him being a problem. Idk its kinda sad. I wish it could've been better but at least she isn't in Karen's shoes.

Squilliam/Squidward - 6.5/10 - (can't remember the ship name for this one) who doesn't want to see former high school sweethearts constantly feeling the need to one up each other? Of course they were never confirmed to be high school sweethearts but that's what I like to imagine where their beef began.

We have that thing where Squidward trying to imagine Squilliam in his underwear then going "oh no he's hot!". That's kinda fruity.

We have so many episodes where Squidward feels the need to impress Squilliam. Why do you as a man feel the need to impress other men? 🤔 and the bikini bottom inquirer episodes has Squilliam regularly call the news channel just to rant about Squidward. Squilliam always wants to act like he's so much better but if he was then he probably wouldn't be so obsessed with Squidward that he feels the need to call strangers on the news just to rant about him. Also I think Squilliam is probably pretty isolated so he likely has no one else to talk to. I feel like Perch allows Squilliam to call up just to talk smack about his ex knowing this guy still isn't over his feelings for him.

I enjoy the drama between two bitter exes. Makes for excellent entertainment. 👌

Larry/Squidward - 5.5/10 - they could have had it aaaaaall. The episode Squid plus one is what prompted this. They make for good friends and even more. But neither have much respect for each other's interests so they fell out. But imagine if they did learn respect for each other's interests? What if they held hands? They looked so happy with each other💔😿

Gale/Perch - 5.5/10 there's not much to go off of. They're both work at the news station. One is a reporter and the other is a weather guy. I feel like SB has a crush on Gale tho. I think this ship is more for self indulgence than any interesting character development. Still no beef. I kinda do want to see them interact more.

Squill/Perch - 6/10 - Squilliam constantly calling in to vent about Squidward is hilarious. Perch I'd just over it but instead of blocking Squilliam, he allows him to talk. There's potential in this. Rn Perch is probably Squilliam's only ""friend"" and is the only one he can really talk to. They can support each other and be friends. Or even more. Its funny i would've never thought this ship would be a thing but the bikini bottom inquirer is fueling content for it.

Slapferatu 5.5/10? - A recent contender! It's literally goth Squidbob. Kinda on the fence for this one. I like it but I somewhat don't know what to feel about it. Same grumpy x sunshine dynamic except its made spooky 👻. I like spooky things so its a little bit more digestable. I kinda want to see them interact a little bit more so I can judge better but the episodes we have, has some interesting stuff. Slappy is down BAD for Nosferatu. I mean that comes with being the Renfield in their relationship. Somehow I always thought Nosferatu would be much more harsher to Slappy like in a slapstick kind of way. Like barely tolerating him and being this 👌 close to killing him but doesn't because no one else would work for him. But he actually does like Slappy quite a bit and shows a lil affection, he treats him a lot nicer than I expected. Its sweet.

Also Slappy is self admitted to liking abuse. So uhh if he does get smacked around by Nosferatu then you know its consensual.

Still, uhh I kinda don't like how Slippy is getting sidelined by all this. I didn't know what to make of her when she was first introduced but now I like her and I like how she has a silly x silly thing going on with Laszlo so it's a little sad. SB characters stop being shit to ur gf/wife challenge. Tho I think she'd probably is fine with Laszlo devoting his undead life and soul to a vampire. I feel like she knows and she's fine with it. Probably gives him tips on how to woo the vampire.

There's some kind of absurdity to this ship because we have a 1922 german horror movie character being shipped with a fish parody of a dead Hungarian actor. If you use human!Slappy in this ship you'll see what I mean. There's also the same absurdity with Slippy/Slappy because they're both fish parodies of Peter Lorre. How does that work.

Idk if Slippy/Slappy is with mentioning on this list because there's not much to go off. So uhh yeah.

Anyways shout out to that one person who began shipping Slapferatu the moment the synopsis for Slappy Daze dropped. You're too powerful to live.

There ya go! The ship list. Hope ya enjoy it. I hope you print this out and use the paper to roll it into a fat blunt and smoke it. I hope you snort the ashes too 👍

[stormblessed95]

I'm beginning to think that Jungkook isn't running that In the Seom account anymore. At first I was like aw he's having fun, and woah he accepted a jikook shipper- that's sus, etc. I was just happy that he tried out the gamr. But now I'm wondering if maybe he was asked to post that account on his story by the company as a marketing strategy? Because it's definitely working like one. More people tried out the game, more people are sticking with the game because they feel like they're interacting and competing with JK. Idk but as more time goes on I can't help but feel that maybe this whole account is just run by some Hybe employee? I just severely doubt he's that bored + has that much time on his hands to keep leveling up every few hours. I know they're technically on break but he's still not jobless lol. Maybe I'm overthinking it? I've only seen one other person bring this up so I'm curious to see what other people think.

🤨🤨🤨🤨🤨 I - why would he lie?! That's his Instagram! Lol and all these ways he wants to 1) play games and 2) interact in a special way with ARMY is soooo on brand for him. Those are 2 of his favorite ways to spend his free time. Lol and let's remember that they have more control over what their schedule is looking like these days and how much free time they might have. On top of that, JK has always had a weird and not so great sleep schedule. Meaning he doesn't get enough of it. Lol

He LOVES gaming and has shared on multiple occasions how he spends his free time gaming and how he can do it for hours and how he can get really competitive about it and not want to stop until he beats it or is insanely good at it. He used to post clips of him playing overwatch. They've shared that he used to game often at the dorms with Tae or with Jin. Tae shared a story once from an old clip where you could hear him playing League with JK, Yoongi, Jin and Hobi (those being the members who spoke into the mic at least). Staying up all night to play a game, not off brand for him. Especially also considering all the armys who are busy IRL and have full time jobs who are over level 100 in the game too. PLUS considering that JK has lots of disposable income to spare to get extra hearts, blue diamonds things and anything extra he can buy to help him level up faster and spend less time waiting for things to load etc. That's gonna speed up his game time too. Examples of JK talking about gaming:

AND I don't think having army visit his island or join a club is just a marketing strategy. It's just legit JK loving spending time with ARMY. It's super on brand for him to carve out time to spend with fans. He spent hours doing Instagram Q&As in the middle of the night, not just during quarantine, but also after a performance when they still had schedules the next day too. He spent HOURS in the middle of the night on vlives with army and singing to us, on days he has to wake up for work the next day too. He spent HOURS talking until the middle of the night, just to then go and hop on a bus to go film ITS. He used to join fancafe group chats with ARMYS. In 2018 he held weekly fancafe dates with army every single Friday for a long time. Where he would create a group chat and the first X amount of people who could guess what the password was could join his GC and he would sit in there and chat with the armys for 15 to 30 minutes every single week. And in 2018 they were so booked snd busy it was insane. But he still made time to hang out with army AND still made time to work on GCFs and his own music AND go work out AND some off time gaming. And whatever else he wanted. And he did this fancafe date thing without telling the company his plans to do it at all. Lmao it was all him. Some Fancafe posts about his Friday ARMY dates:

You don't have to be jobless to spend a few hours playing a mobile game before you go to bed, or while you are eating your meals, or while being driven somewhere. He really honestly isn't leveling up that fast compared to a lot of other people I've seen to make it seem like he isn't doing ANYTHING but gaming. Lol

So I guess, I DO think it's JK. I don't see any reason why it wouldn't be. And I don't think it's out of character at all for him to be doing this either. And I don't think Hybe has to worry too much about marketing it. The game was doing just fine before JK shared anything on his story about his island and his club. But you are all free to think whatever you want 😅 this is my opinion though 🤷🏻‍♀️💜

[irlgoomy]

Just finished working on another album... This time its somethin for Vast Error. I thiiink I can kinda talk about it since it was soft announced on their fundraiser stream a few weeks ago, and a few previews were posted. Thoughts are under the cut because I dont want to fill up your timelines with this lol.

I *finally* got to do an aspects album! Its something ive been wanting to do ever since I got back into hs in 2018. I just never had the time or reason, or platform to do it.

I kind of consider this album to be a sister to Cyber City Sound Pak. Homestuck and its fanworks, and Undertale/Deltarune are two sides of the same coin in my brain so it just feels natural to consider Duodenary as the other side of Cyber City Sound Pak.

Duodenary, Thats the name of the album, btw.

So I started this right after I released Cyber City Sound Pak... I dont think ive ever worked this hard on back to back releases before. Nose to the grindstone type mindset, lol. To be quite honest, I was certain that I'd burn out real bad after working on this. Duodenary is 14 songs, and an hour and a half long. And I somehow did all of this within 6 months.... Right after finishing up another album of a similar length (Duodenary is longer than CCSP! This is my longest album yet!). I mean, who wouldn't need a break after making like 30 something songs within the span of a year???

I didn't. Instead I think with this album ive finally broken through a mental barrier ive had with music production that I didn't know was there. I feel *renewed*. I want to explore more genres and make stuff outside my current wheelhouse and explore what I can just... Make. I've been trying to force myself to take a break but I really just can't. Not out of the need or pressure to constantly have a project going, but because I'm having a shit ton of fun with it. I feel like all of these projects ive dreamed about doing are finally in my reach, I can finally execute them in a way that i'll be happy with...

(I am however keeping myself from doing any projects outside of personal ones, since jumping into one would absolutely burn me out instantly lmfao. That I know for sure.)

Duodenary doesnt have a release date yet, and I don't want to say what the release window is yet, since that hasnt been announced through official channels yet. It'll be sooner rather than later and I'm really, really freaking excited to share it with everyone.

[grizzlyofthesea]

Attempting to Rank the Songs in Project Diva X

WARNING: LONG POST

I downloaded Project Diva X a couple weeks ago, and I absolutely love it. It has its flaws and quirks, but it's fun. But most importantly...

The song list is phenomenal. It's short and very Miku-biased, even by Project Diva standards, but what we have here is ~quality.~ We have a large variety of musical genres and styles. We have both Vocaloid community staples and new experiments. We have MARETU. You sadly won't find these songs anywhere else in the series (minus Mega Mix+ mods, but I mean in an official capacity), but at least they're here. And do you know what I like to do with my favorite things?

I like to rank them. I don't know why. Weird brain stuff, I guess. But if you want to read the ramblings of a sleep-deprived weirdo, you're in the right place.

Keep in mind, all of these songs are at least decent (around B-tier at minimum) to me. Someone has to be last, but I enjoy listening to all of them and playing through the ones I have.

There are stats at the end for each Cloud/Aura's overall score, too. Now, let's go!

32.) Sharing the World

Miku V3 English is...a bit rough-sounding here. Not nails on a chalkboard, but not the most pleasant thing ever. The concept behind the song is cute, though. Miku is everywhere now, and people are using her (and other vocal synths) to share their feelings with others across the world. That is truly beautiful.

31.) The First Sound

Very simple, and Miku sounds a bit shrill on the highest notes. However, the lyrics are heartfelt and sweet. Also, the Triple Threat version of this song's Extreme chart was my first (and is still my only) Extreme Perfect. I don't know how I got it before the normal one, but I'll take it.

30.) Babylon

I feel like Miku's voice gets a bit lost in the instrumental. I also don't get why there are teeth everywhere. That being said, the shifts in tempo and time signature give this song a truly unique vibe.

29.) Even a Kunoichi Needs Love

Again, Miku and Rin feel a bit drowned out by the instrumental at times, but the fast pace and catchy rhythm elevate this song's standing a bit. And the existence of a Naruto and Sasuke cover in one of Minnemi's cursed UTAU concerts.

28.) LOL - lots of laugh -

Slow and repetitive, but the imagery in the lyrics is creative and vivid. You also definitely get a "whimsical carnival" feeling from the instrumental.

27.) Hand in Hand

Kind of generic as far as Miku songs go, but still catchy and pleasant.

26.) Slow Motion

The premise of the song--contemplating life while sick with a cold--is simply delightful. I'm just not the biggest fan of how Pinocchio-P tunes Miku in certain songs, Slow Motion included. Common World Domination is more to my taste.

25.) Ending Medley - Ultimate Exquisite Rampage

Ow, my wrists. This is a fun, nostalgic tribute to Project Diva entries past, and the choice to begin with Disappearance and end with Intense Voice makes for a touching narrative. The Ura-Omote Lovers remix is pretty cool, too, since it starts off slower than normal and speeds up over time. But again, ow, my wrists.

24.) Name of the Sin

You can't really go wrong with a musical fairytale...unless you cut out a good chunk of the song and scramble the story, but I still like the simple, timeless feel nonetheless. The shades of purple used for Miku's Cantatrice module are gorgeous as well.

23.) Streaming Heart

This isn't my favorite of DECO*27's works, but the instrumental break is awesome--heavy and gritty. The charting during said break's Technical Zone, especially on Extreme, amplifies the intensity and makes it feel extra satisfying.

22.) Love Trial

Simple but (fittingly) cute. The piano and trumpet combine well in the instrumental. Miku's tuning isn't the most dynamic here, but it's not a big issue when the rhythms are getting stuck in my head anyway. The lyrics are also quite fun with their courtroom metaphors. Ace Attorney fandom, I want to see your take on this song.

21.) Elegant Medley ~ Glossy Mixture ~

The strange shifts in tempo make certain parts torture to learn (TECHNICAL ZONES), but man, the Nebula part is pretty. And who doesn't love Sweet Devil? The ending is a bit abrupt, but I also don't know what else could have been done there.

20.) Beginning Medley - Primary Colors

I adore OSTER Project, and the group performance of Miracle Paint at the end is spectacular. Easily the best version of Miracle Paint out there. This medley's low placement on the list is simply a testament to how amazing Project Diva X's song list is.

19.) Lost One's Weeping

Rin feels a bit drowned out during the verses, but as someone with horrible test anxiety, I feel the lyrics. You could even say that the drowned-out vocals fit the theme of overwhelming academic pressure. The heavy electric guitar is perfect for the Cool Cloud, too.

18.) Quirky Medley - Giga Remix

Giga-P makes some good stuff. The choices for Rin and Len's solos were a bit weird, though. I mean, Gigantic OTN is a classic, but the sexual theme for that and "Pincostique" Love just doesn't fit the Quirky vibe in my opinion. However, Childish War is peak.

17.) Raspberry*Monster

The stage is a bit "neon barf sensory overload," but it fits the song's chaotic vibes. The chorus is also memorable thanks to the unique melody and expressive shouts.

16.) Satisfaction

EDM isn't my favorite musical genre, but it really works here. I think it's the combination of the awesome instrumental and kz(livetune)'s tuning really leaning into Miku's nature as an electronic instrument.

15.) Cute Medley - Idol Sounds

A collection of Mitchie M classics in all their peppy, expressive glory is a win in my book. Each song, from Freely Tomorrow to Blooming the Idol, perfectly suits the "J-pop idol" theme of the medley. KAITO should have been there, though. He wanted to learn how to be cute, so he should get to be cute. >:T

14.) Patchwork Staccato

A surprise bit of melancholy for the Cute Cloud, but the change of pace is welcome. Miku's falsetto pushes the limits of her upper range without sounding shrill, which I imagine takes immense patience to get right. Her singing throughout is refreshing, too, somehow coming across as sweet yet cold. And we can't ignore the immersive, quilt-like scenery of the stage. However, the Freddy Fazbear cover is still the best version (thank you again, Minnemi).

13.) Love Song

My mom's favorite simply for the "u-papa" parts (although the way she sings it sounds more like PoPiPo ^^"). And hey, I can't blame her. It's bouncy and sweet. It puts you in a good mood.

12.) Strangers

The way the rhythm changes throughout the song keeps things fresh, and the instrumental is surprisingly captivating. I love the stage, too. The Playstation symbol lights are enticing, but not distracting or intrusive.

11.) Holy Lance Explosion Boy

Why are the dirtiest songs always some of the catchiest? And why is Len used for so many of them? It's still a bop, though. A lot of songs by rerulili are. The Extreme chart is pain, but it's not unfair. It's just very, very crowded and technical. It's satisfying to improve my score here, at any rate.

10.) Solitary Envy

Surprisingly gentle and subdued for the Cool Cloud, but that makes it unique. I also love when Miku is given a lower and softer voice, whether it's her Dark Append or a unique tuning style. The syncopation during the chorus gives it a bit of a playful edge, too.

9.) A Single Red Leaf

A classic, gentle love ballad with a traditional Japanese flair. It may not be the flashiest or feature the most realistic tuning of Luka, but it's simply perfect for the Elegant Cloud. Also, despite being on the slower side, it's not painfully slow like certain other songs in the series (Sakura Rain--).

8.) Humorous Dream of Mrs. Pumpkin

Halloween vibes are always good vibes, and we stan Hachi in this household. I wish the song wasn't so obviously cut off at the end, but I am glad that it's here at all. Also, Halloween Miku supremacy.

7.) Cool Medley - Cyber Rock Jam

The transition from Don't My List Me! to Tengaku is so smooth. Absolutely beautiful. Unhappy Refrain is always a jam, Palette was a splendid surprise (with Luka V4x, too!), and This Messed-Up Wonderful World Exists For Me is an incredible finale. Cyber Rock Jam is easily the best medley in the game.

6.) Calc.

The intense guitar solos interspersed throughout the song really complement the smooth, relaxed melody. They're fundamentally different, yet their differences blend into a beautiful product instead of clashing.

5.) Tale of the Deep-Sea Lily

Again, I enjoy songs with a softer, lower-pitched Miku. This one is bouncy yet gentle, and I'm a total sucker for the nautical theme. Plus, the Sea Lily module makes Miku look a little like GUMI (my absolute favorite Vocaloid).

4.) Urotander, Underhanded Rangers

Hilarious in every single way, from the PV to the Extreme chart. The Chance Time star zooming across the screen sends me every time. KAITO, MEIKO, and Miku make for a nice trio, too. I wish they were used together more often.

3.) Ai Dee

It's a Mitchie M song that features Luka rapping in English, as well as bits in French and Spanish. It has to be in the top 3. The Electronica Anode (Miku) and Electronica Cathode (Luka) modules are some of my favorites in the game, too. What can I say? I'm weak to glowy stuff.

2.) Brain Revolution Girl

MARETU's instrumentals tend to be awesome, and it's no different here. The synth is decidedly electronic in tone, yet dramatic in its note progression. The guitar bit in the middle and the quiet segment immediately after add to the drama by bringing variety. Also, C minor is my favorite key, and C# minor isn't too far behind. I just feel so evil and powerful when I listen to this song. I love it.

1.) Amazing Dolce

It's MEIKO and the Kagamines. It's Hitoshizuku × Yama. It's energetic and jazzy. It even has a huge, dramatic, big band-style brass break in the middle. Need I say more? Actually, yes. The modules. They're super creative and adorable with their food themes. Strawberry Witch (MEIKO) and Pâtissier Gretel (Rin) are simply stunning. Len's Pâtissier Hansel module confused me for a while, but then it clicked when I realized that his motif isn't anything banana-related--it's apple pie. So he's also up there, and all of these ingredients combine to give us the best song in the game.

Now for the Cloud rankings. These are simple averages/means:

1.) Elegant - average of 7.83/32

2.) Cool - average of 11.83/32

3.) Quirky - average of 18.17/32

4.) Cute - average of 18.83/32

5.) Classic - average of 21.5/32

6.) Extra - average of 29.5/32

And here are (hopefully correct) weighted averages to compensate for the outliers in each set:

1.) Elegant - wav of 7.83/32 (Huh. Neat.)

2.) Cool - wav of 13.47/32

3.) Cute - wav of 15.62/32 (What an upset!)

4.) Quirky - wav of 17.56/32

5.) Classic - wav of 22.98/32

6.) Extra - wav of 29.5/32 (Two equidistant data points will do that. :p)

With all that said and done, what do you think? What are your favorite songs not just in X, but in the entire Project Diva series (Mirai counts, too)?