#and there was just not a simple answer to this question for me. sorry!

[hereghostslive]

The phone rings one night a few weeks after Bobby's funeral. The sound startles him, extra loud in the silence of his house and the self-imposed, though unintentional, weeks-long isolation.

He doesn't bother flipping on a light, as if the cover of darkness can hide him from whoever's on the other line.

"hello?" He answers, forgetting to check the caller ID.

There's a silence on the other end, except for a quiet breathing that he'd recognize anywhere. He starts to sit up, rubbing the sleep from his eyes.

"Hi," he says, and this time it's not a question.

And without missing a beat, he gets a response.

"hi," Evan says.

The last time Evan called him it was to request a helicopter ride from the roof of a pharmaceutical building. Lucky he had been tinkering with the chopper when the call came through, all suited up, like he'd been waiting to offer his assistance.

He's not exactly in a state to defy the orders of the U.S. military again, under the covers of his bed and still half asleep. But he's slowly waking up.

"I'm sorry, did I wake you?" Evan asks.

"Only a little," Tommy admits, but he doesn't mind.

Evan huffs a little laugh. "I forgot you usually work the night shift on Sundays."

It's barely 9 p.m. on a Monday night but Tommy understands Evan's assumption, though it's misplaced this time.

Tommy hums in answer, not wanting to admit he's taken a mandatory leave of absence, not by choice.

"is everything okay?" He asks instead, because while it's nice to hear Evan's voice, it's been a quiet few weeks since Bobby's death and the image of Evan in the hallway outside the lab has been haunting every waking moment and every dreamless sleep. He should have called.

This time, Evan hums. But instead of answering Tommy's question with an assurance that everything is okay and that no, Tommy doesn't need to be suiting up and getting a chopper ready for another adventure only the 118 can conjure up, he just says, "Do you want to watch a movie?"

And Tommy has just awoken so he's a little slow in responding but he does get out a probably rude "But you hate movies."

"I never said I hated movies," Evan scoffs. Tommy laughs. "I just haven't seen a lot of them."

"And you want to watch one right now?"

"Yeah," Evan sighs. And then, "Come over. Watch a movie with me."

And it's not a helicopter request for a dangerous situation with lives hanging in the balance but there is life here, happening right now. A request that's so simple and so complicated at the same time.

The darkness of his room surrounds him and he stares right back, into the void he threw himself into in the weeks following a funeral he felt he had no right to be there for.

He can do a movie.

"I'm on my way."

--

tbc

[thistle-wrote]

Husbands

cw: established poly relationship, anal, vaginal sex. Authors note: for the first time in my life, I get to give one of those ridiculous notes to preface my fic. as I was writing this my house was swarmed with BEES so I'm sorry if it's bad lmfao. John Price X Simon Ghost Riley X Reader.

“John?” John glanced over at you, his focus mostly on the newspaper in his hand.

“Yes, princess?” 

“Love, why is Simon in the guest bed?” You question him, you weren’t upset by any means, truth be told you love it when Simon comes over, even more when he stays for a while it’s just when John crawled into your bed last night he hadn’t mentioned Simon was with him.

“Probably because he’s tired.” John said not looking up from the paper, it was the kind of plain, dry statement you usually got from your otherwise adoring husband. You met his gaze with a rather unamused expression, a silent demand for an actual answer.

“Needed some love from baby girl, that's all, we had a rough go round this time.” He states, leaning back farther into his recliner. You watch him as he gives a slight wince at the pain in his side. You hate that. John was clearly feeling as though that statement was enough of an explanation, and for the most part, it was.

You understood little of your husband’s job beyond the simple and watered down explanations he gives when he comes back from missions, still, you understood enough to know they needed extra love and care for a while afterwards, Simon is no different except for the fact he’s easier to deal with.

You make your way down the hallway, feeling the soft new carpet that you begged John for beneath your feet, muffling your steps. You open the door to the guest bedroom to find Simon sprawled out on the small bed.

“Si?”  You cautiously speak, you know for a fact he is not sleeping, the man rarely sleeps as is but definitely not in a bed two sizes too small and especially not after going through God knows what.

“Honey.” You probe again, walking now fully into the room and sitting down on the white crinkly duvet next to where he’s lying. His eyes are open but still, you get no response, you look him over noticing the new cut on his cheek, the facial hair he hasn’t bothered to shave yet, the bags under his eyes, the way his blonde hair sticks up in every direction from tossing and turning all night.

You never have loved the way he looks after a mission, always worse off than John, you know that John just hides it better but you worry for them both.

“Gotta tell me what you need, baby boy.” You mutter trying not to let the worry in your face show while brushing your fingers along the curve of his cheek, feeling the rough stubble that he will no doubt shave within a few days. He looks up at you, for a brief moment you can see the relaxed expression, like for a second he forgot about everything, everything but you. 

“I’m hungry.” A soft smile finds its way to your face. You lean down to place a soft kiss to his chapped lips.

“I’ll make you something.” 

As you cook you think of Simon, of John, you think of how lucky you are to not only have an amazing husband but to have the man in your guest bedroom. John doesn’t say it enough and Simon won’t ever admit it but the three of you have found a rhythm, this is Simon’s home as much as it was yours and John’s. It’s better when he’s home.

“Cookin’?” John asks after a few minutes, walking halfway into the kitchen and leaning onto the door frame.

“Yes.” You respond softly looking up with a smile, where John and Simon differ is mostly in the way that they treat you, neither one bad or wrong but different. John saw you, his little wife, as some sort of angel; he’s told you as much. He never asks or demands anything of you. You don’t work; you only cook or clean out of your own volition. To him, you’re more of a precious artifact that can’t be tampered with.

Simon is different, he’s a little more closed off, so you need a more aggressive approach, he’s learned over the years that your demands for him to tell exactly what he wants will be met with not hostility, but a soft hand and a loving voice, doing for him exactly what he needs. You’re sure that John wanted breakfast just as much as Simon did, but John would never ask for it.

As you cook, John remains in the kitchen, not speaking, but there’s a quiet understanding between the two of you, it’s comfortable, loving, and warm despite John’s current condition he wants to be in your presence.

After a long stretch of comfortable silence, you speak again. “Simon looks like he hasn’t slept in a week.” You mutter. You know that despite him not always behaving like he does, John cares as much for Simon as you do. Simon and John have a relationship that is difficult to explain, not only in how John allows him into both your home and marital bed. But also, how John relies on Simon to take care of you when he can’t, to meet you at the petrol station to fill your tank when he’s closer, to call and check on you when his phone dies. John expects Simon to have the same kind of care for you as he does.

“He hasn’t.” John’s simple statement makes you stand on edge a little, you love Simon, John knows that. You know when they are gone doing things that they won’t explain to you, Simon has John to look out for him, but they are men. A pat on the back from John does not have the same effect that a tender embrace or a home cooked meal does.

Once the simple meal of toast, eggs, and sausage was cooked, you made John a plate, sitting in front of him with a small clink of ceramic against the granite island. He smiled, a wordless “thank you.“ as you made Simon a plate carrying it with you to the guest bedroom.

You didn’t bother with a knock when you entered the bedroom. You set the plate on the nightstand, then sat in the same spot you had previously.

“Sit up, love.” It’s a demand, a loving demand, but a demand, nonetheless. He does as requested.  You never wish for Simon to be wearing a shirt, but at this moment, seeing the bruise along his torso and the bandage on his arm, makes you almost wish he were wearing one. Your incessant need to mother your men at war with your desire to focus only on what you could control; you could control breakfast.

“Here.” You hum, placing the plate on his lap. His tired eyes find yours. As Simon eats, you don��t move, you just chatter, talking to him, as though he were responding you watch his silent nods as he shovels food into his mouth as if he would never get to eat again.  As Simon finished his plate you began to pick it up, taking it to clean when you felt a big rough hand wrap around your wrist.

“Don’t go.” His deep voice echoed through the room, not loud, or demanding but a clear plea. You nodded, understanding what he needed in that moment was not breakfast in bed or space but rather just your presence. 

You move over the bed, making a mental note to buy him a bigger bed for the guest bedroom since he’s the only one who stays in it. You cautiously curl up into his side, pushing your legs beneath the covers to intertwine them with his own. Simon wrapped his arms around you and sighed deeply.

It was a satisfied sigh. You let the large man manhandle you, allowing him to pull you where he sees fit with your head now resting against the inside of his shoulder and your fingers grazing along his tummy. He speaks finally for the first time without you prompting him to do so. “Missed you.” It’s quiet like a confession he doesn’t feel he’s allowed to make.

“I missed you too, baby.”  You don’t hold the same reservation about voicing your adoration for the man curled up next to you. A soft kiss grazed your lips as he pulled you further into his chest.

“Love you.” he murmured against your lips, your want to say it back was stopped by his mouth, continuing to move against yours, holding your arm, as if he feared you trying to pull away. Things with Simon have always been silent, actions rather than words. While he is silent, you are fully aware he is asking for something in the way his hands wandered from your arm to the small of your back, to your ass. 

A desperation to be close, close where your bodies can meld together. When his lips moved from yours to your neck you let out an involuntary little whine. His soft, loving kisses, turned into something more, an outlet.

“Si.” You whine out. He, despite being tired and drained from the past month, let out a laugh and an almost condescending chuckle, sure the sweet boy had been waiting for soft kisses and breakfast in bed, getting to cuddle with the captain’s missus but he was hungry and not for food.

You let out a little gasp when his hand slipped down the front of your leggings. “Si.” You repeated it again this time, breathless, longing.  He let out a groan when his fingers swept between your folds.

“There’s my girl.”  He said, his fingers gliding along your slick sex. You had no words left, no protests either. Already the world around you grew hazy, and before you knew what happened, your T-shirt and leggings were in a heap on the floor.

Simon took his time watching, touching, kissing. He drew orgasm after orgasm from your body with just the deep plunge of his fingers.

“Well, that’s a pretty sight.”  A deep voice hummed from the doorway. Normally, you would acknowledge the presence of your husband but the way your lover was working his fingers into you could make even the smartest of women feel dumb.

Simon didn’t respond, just glanced over through his dilated pupils, merely continuing as John crossed the bedroom sitting down on the duvet.  For a moment you thought he would just watch His lieutenant pull sweat noises from your lips, but you believed you may have seen God when his thumb made contact with your clit.

“Give us another, pretty girl.”  You weren’t sure in that moment exactly who the words came from; you were unable to respond. All you knew was that the words were being spoken to you. 

And you did, not that you could help it. It was almost instantaneous, the way your body tensed before releasing. You drenched Simon’s torso, you didn’t even realize what you’d done at first, you squirt so rarely.  Once their hands came to a halt, you blinked you opened your eyes. Embarrassment worked its way onto your already pink cheeks.

“I’m s…” Your apologies were instantly cut off. “Shut up.” The words weren’t mean despite the quickness and aggression in them. It wasn’t mean, it was desperate. Shirts were ripped off, pants unzipped. While you lay there heaving and trying to come down from your high.

There was zero protest from you when you were lifted from your spot on the bed. You were pulled to lay on top of Simon‘s chest. Even in your limp and already fucked out state, you had half of mind to protest simply because of his bruise. The words died in your throat though, as your husband knelt in front of you.

“Be good okay, Pretty?” John said, positioning your legs, pushing your knees against your shoulders as Simon held the underneath of your thighs. You nodded, both men seemingly took that as their go ahead.

Simon pushed himself into you, a sensation you had gotten used to throughout the years. He was big, but he likes your ass, so it’s not an abnormal feeling either. You whine and wiggle a little at first, but as he settles, your body got used to the stretch, as you tipped your head back John too, began nudging your wet hole with the reddened, hard tip of his cock.

John, however, did not give you the same consideration as Simon, there was no time to get used to the stretch. He plunged himself to the hilt, touching your cervix. In an instant it was as if everyone let out a sigh of relief, like this, despite the responsibilities and lives of every person, was exactly where they were all meant to be.

Both of your men began moving, each at their own pace. Each grunting and groaning. You don’t believe in heaven, it has always seemed an abstract concept. But this? This has to be it.

As they both rutted into you, you whined. “Don’t start crying on me now, princess.” John’s deep voice commanded. You obey as best you can. Simon squeezes on your thigh as he continues his relentless pace. The huffing and gripping onto his arms is all you can do to keep from screaming in pleasure.

They each continue with rapidly increasing speeds, speaking filthy things to you as they near their individual climaxes. “Milkin’ me fokin’ dry.”  The first words from Simon’s mouth in a while, an indication of just how close he was. 

John was not far off, his breathing was rapid, his grip on your knees nearing on painful. His strokes got harder, rougher. Then all at once you could feel him snap, you could feel the warmth of him spilling into you. His pace slowed as he rode out his orgasm.

Simon did not stop. Soon his pace too slowed as he filled you up with him. 

You all lay there for a moment, no one speaking. Just breathing in the comfortable, love filled space. You always know exactly what to do to give them the little TLC they need.

CoD Masterlist

[cerusee]

deciding between watching tmopb vs gmp, how would you say the treatment of the female characters by the narrative is in each?

Surprisingly tough question! I would argue that, overall, in each show, the female characters are largely treated, by the narrative, on par with the male characters. This is not to say they’re not having a shitty time—the women in Goodbye My Princess are on average having it worse than most of the men, because they live in a sexist, patriarchal society (at at a certain point in the story, a lot of the female characters on screen are also in the imperial harem, with all of its internal politics and constraints)—but EVERYONE is having a shitty time of it, at one point or another. I think I noted in the tags of a GMP reblog that very often, female characters come into their fullest agency on this show when they’re choosing whether and how to die. But this is very much based in the sexist constraints of the historically informed setting, as well as the overall arching theme of power as a kind of trap, and the pursuit of power as a path of moral corruption. Does the world of GMP respect women? No. Does the narrative? Oh yes.

Most of the female leads on Ten Miles of Peach Blossoms suffer from terminal love brain, but this is the resting state of the show; the male leads are all equally dumb due to chronic love disease. The whole show just vibes on that particular frequency and therefore there is a pleasing consistency to the bad decision-making among women and men alike. (Also I should rush to clarify that some of these characters are very intelligent in general? It’s fun to watch Ye Hua make plans! Just uh. Not about romance.) Su Jin is….arguably a misogynistic trope. It’s just like, such a bonkers effective execution of the jealous, scheming female foil that I cannot bring myself to want her to be anything other than what she is. She is the Darth Vader of jealous exes. She is ICONIC. They should have retired the type after Su Jin. They should have named the type after Su Jin, and then put it up on a shelf where no one can reach it. Some people will probably have issues with her, and I understand this! However I love her in the sense that I want to roll her in a felt carpet and have a herd of horses trample over it, in the ancient Mongolian style of execution of a worthy enemy. The protagonist Bai Qin is interesting because she herself is a fairly atypical xianxia female lead—she’s a seventy thousand year old alcoholic war veteran who grew up in a frat house, and her two favorite hobbies are lying about her identity and dumping people. She has a kind of self-assurance and rooted authority I find pretty noteworthy in a female character (admittedly she is also the queen of a politically significant country, this is not coming out of nowhere) and maybe even more worthy of note is that the show is very comfortable with this and there’s no narrative push to soften her edges or take her down a peg.

Anyway I’m genuinely hesitant to push you in one direction or the other because while I think, for instance, that GMP is a better show, the death rate of major female characters is VERY high, and even the ones who make it out alive don’t have what I’d call happy endings. (Even Mi Luo! Although she comes the closest.) After all, it IS the tragedy show. Whereas TMOPB…well, uh, it does have some bummer outcomes in there, but it is a very happy ending for the main pairing, and I think narratively speaking it’s a very satisfying experience for Bai Qin overall.

[syluses]

big girls dont cry QNA

i know you guys have lots of curiosities about this fic lolll so i’ll try to answer some of the questions i received (∗ᵕ̴᷄◡ᵕ̴᷅∗) 💕 if u still have some, just shoot me an ask!! :] also im really bad at explaining so i apologize 🤦🏻‍♀️ i have the plot nailed in my head but its tricky to articulate it in a clear, linear way for yall considering all the little nuances i added lol. i’ll try my best tho hehe :,)

Okay so there’s a whole ‘nother plot that exists in the background of this fic- which was super fun for me to write, but im sure from a reader standpoint it’s also kinda thrilling to try to connect the dots i left lol. thats why theres so many interpretations for this story (which i love!! i loved reading all yall’s theories)! 💕 BUT. that being said, the ‘canon’ goes like this:

SPOILERS BELOW read it first then come back! ( ⸍ɞ̴̶̷ ·̫ ɞ̴̶̷⸌ )

was caleb really dead?

No. Caleb staged his own death and then, similar to the main story homecoming wings, didnt tell mc :,) for his own reasons, for a time, he decides he’ll let her go on believing he’s truly gone…

why did he stage his death?

I dropped little crumbs of it in the fic, but it’s hinted that mc, on top of all her grief, feels a bit bitter over the whole shebang and also blames herself for it. hmm… why would that be? 🤔 well because their final moments together (or so she THOUGHT) were emotionally charged and volatile.

the foundation of their sibling relationship was growing weaker and weaker before the explosion. arguments are forming out of nowhere- things are becoming more tense and mc, for the life of her, can’t understand why her gege is always pulling her into a heated debate about safety, danger, blahblahblah, this that and the third, every time they interact. He’s being wildly unreasonable, which she knows, and protective- a trait that has snowballed as they entered their adulthood- but what she doesn’t know is the why behind it. she tells herself she just has a super protective older brother who views her as a little baby in need of his guidance- which isn’t entirely wrong… but she doesn’t see the full picture. His true feelings. All this tension eventually climbs to its peak. Caleb just gets worse and worse. He needs to do something before the world collapses on them both.

Now, in this au, he works at EVER, a somewhat shady but lucrative company- which dabbles in robotics amongst other things. I imagine they have abundant resources and wealth- and what with his promotions, it’s safe to say caleb is making a LOT. So, the delusional guy he is, he buys a big fancy suite with the idea in mind of two eventually living in it ;) but mc doesn’t want to- she has her own life in linkon!! She wants to spread her wings and separate from the nest anyway. Partly to start her own life; partly to prove to her gege that she can take care of herself. The argument that unfolds over this is the last they have before the big tragic explosion 😭 caleb, putting on a show with his beaten puppy eyes, leaves and then that’s the last time she sees him.

Caleb meticulously plans his ‘death’ out (with some help from his wingman ofc) and then eventually the robot is introduced to mc. It serves as a trojan horse. He’ll finally conquer her heart with it and win full autonomy over her. THIS IS HIS MAIN GOAL WITH THE ROBOT. WHY HE EVEN DOES ANY OF THIS TO BEGIN WITH.

Caleb gets to spy on mc with it and also slowly reshape her to accept his feelings; his ‘death’ has left her in a fragile state of mourning and he knows, after she warms up a bit to not-Caleb, he can more or less get away with anything- bc she will claw for whatever’s left of her family member. He can make her finally reciprocate and understand him— whether that be his feelings or fear or love. He tried to be patient, to be good, but obviously he had to travel a new route. He’s thinking of her 24/7. He’s obsessive, longing, protective, you name it- and all of this just worsens the more she denies him. When push comes to shove… well, caleb will do whatever it takes to win her :] He knows it’s unconventional and he’d be lying if he said it didn’t hurt him too- monitoring his endearingly stubborn, but sweet meimei and the shattered pieces he left of her through his android’s eyes— but it’s all temporary, and he truly believes it’s for the better.

did gideon know?

Yes, Gideon knew all along. He’s Caleb’s best buddy after all. To be matter of fact- Gideon didn’t just know, he quite literally ‘herded’ mc into the lion’s den in a way. Mc knew vaguely of their work at EVER, but not too much; so Gideon was the one who shined that light on their robotics and really introduced her to the concept of not-Caleb. Now, i wouldnt say Gideon is exactly comfortable with his involvement, but he actually really does care for mc and thinks she needs that help- as dubious as the means are. Anyway, it’s almost impossible to shut out all of his buddy’s demands: the brunet is nothing if not insistent on getting what he wants. In his own whacky way, Gideon thinks what he did- playing into Caleb’s plan- was for the better as well. I mean, Mc clearly wasnt doing good before not-Caleb came along,… but with the few visits he managed before the android got a little too stingy and sent him off, Gideon actually managed to catch a smile or two from her! So clearly he did the right thing 👀 not to mention… the real caleb seems very pleased with the progress, too. besides- the whole robot situation is temporary anyway :] She’ll be reuniting with the beloved gege she misses so much sooner rather than later.

how accurate was not-caleb?

His programming is like 100% accurate. Mc, for a mix of both naiveity and delusion, thinks not-Caleb is flawed when he starts to show signs of amorous/romantic feelings for her. Really, though, after she tells him to stay the night with her (innocently; and after years of having not shared the same childhood twin bed), it triggers a part of his ‘brain’ that undoes all real caleb’s self restraint thus far :] If the same exact situation happened with the real caleb, his reaction would’ve more or less been the same. Homeboy can only keep his feelings in check for so long

who programmed not-caleb?

Real Caleb

how is mc pregnant?

Because the robot’s creator wanted to add his own special touch to his work if you know what i mean :) yeah he’s a freak like that. Dont think he WOULDNT install in his robot the ability to indirectly knock his ‘meimei’ up. I will say though, that while caleb wants to get mc pregnant, its not fully bc he wants to start a family- at least not right away- but because he wants to emotionally and legally trap her with him. Besides monitoring her/wearing down her walls while she thought he was ‘dead’, this was actually one of caleb’s biggest goals with sending not-caleb into her home.

is not-caleb self-aware?

Yes

what’s real caleb been doing all this time?

Basically climbing the ranks of EVER from his lil perch somewhere in skyhaven. all the while, of course, spying on mc like a hawk. Biding his time & waiting for the right moment when she’s at her weakest, most codependent state to replace his carbon copy :)

was caleb controlling his robot?

No. But he essentially created its whole program. And there are cameras inside its eyes in which he watches mc from :) and cant help but snap pics with sometimes: she’s just so pretty— and endlessly sexy when he finally, in a vicarious way, gets to lie her back and make love to her <3

what is real caleb’s motive/ultimate goal?

1. to control/protect/‘tame’ mc through the robot; get her to see things from his point of view (which means realizing she belongs with him- where it’s safe and he can protect & love her)

2. to knock her up (hence the. ahem. reproductive abilities of the robot) so that he can trap her with a baby on top of all the other emotional strings he’s hogtied her with.

does gideon want mc too?

the question is not would gideon smash her. the question is would caleb LET him…. 👀

also, below i just attached a screenie from some of the notes i took. theyre ofc a little disjointed but i think it might clarify things too :] im so bad at answering questions esp for a plot this spiraling but i really tried my best guys my brain is tired forgive me :,)

[kelin-is-writing]

kelin may i hear more about rockstar touya \(★ω★)/

I was planning to post other headcanons before going for these, BUT I’ve got some for Rockstar!Touya that are pestering my mind these days and your asks come in the right moment, so bear with me please 🤧

࣪��… ROCKSTAR!TOUYA

The first time Touya knew that he wanted to become a rockstar was in middle school, right at the age of thirteen, his influent CEO of a father was trying to mold him into a carbon copy of himself to rival Yagi Toshinori’s Enterprise. While taking a break from studies, he saw his sister watch on TV a rock concert of “Loudness” and to say Akira Takasaki is his role model is the least. That’s a true legend to him.

After “Loudness” and Akira Takasaki, he discovered “Metallica” and Kirk Hammett which made him go like “HOW??? HAVE??? I??? MISSED??? ALL??? THIS???”, scolding himself for taking so long to fall in love with the electric guitar and its sound. The next week he’s blasting full volume “The Final Countdown” by Europe inside the Todoroki Mansion like the good old stamp rock fanatic he is, getting himself scolded and grounded by Enji who is a fan of traditional Japanese music so yeah…

At one of the Todoroki family gatherings during the weekend, he was scrolling down his phone looking first of all where to take guitar lessons and second for a guitar to buy, but he knew his father would never agree to get him one. That’s when his grandfather, peeking at his grandson’s phone, butted in and asked Touya if he’s interested in music. He wasn’t sure if it was a good thing to answer that question, since he’s the father of his father, but he did and hell has it been the best thing he did!

On his fourteenth birthday, Enji’s father bought Touya his very first electric guitar, a good old Fender Stratocaster CUSTOM MADE for him. It’s snow white like his hair and has a his name engraved on the bottom left side of the guitar, while on the other side there were engraved tiger’s fangs, all in turquoise… The color of his eyes. And this has been by far Touya’s best birthday ever.

After finishing Middle School he choose to attend an Art School, taking the music classes as main classes of course; he may or not have done it to piss off and raise Enji’s blood pressure from how mad he got for choosing something different from Finances and Management. Oh his father was livid and Touya was so proud of himself for that.

He has formed a rock band, of which he’s the guitarist and vocalist, with Tenko Shimura (Bassist&Vocalist) and Shuichi Iguchi (Drummer) called “The Villains”… Are we even surprised about this name? Really? Because I am not. Tenko suggested, Iguchi supported strongly and Touya just went with it because complaining and thinking about another name was “Too much effort”. He likes it a lot but will never admit it.

At the age of nineteen, Touya owns a Fender Stratocaster (Custom Made), an Elite Stratocaster, an ST-83-80 Japan (1983) black, Lone Star Strat, IC350 black, IC50 black, ICHI00 white, Gibson SG Standard mahogany and a Jackson Pro Series DK Modern HT6 MS. He also owns four acoustic guitars for songwriting, like a Martin GPC-X1E, Martin 000-28 Modern Deluxe, Taylor GS Mini-e Rosewood SN LTD and a Taylor AD22e. Did he pay all them with Enji’s credit card? Hell yeah. Did he do it out of spite? Absolutely. Did he care about his father’s blood pressure rising even more? Not even remotely.

His favorite groups are Loudness, Metallica, Led Zeppelin, AC/DC, Europe, Scorpions, Slipknot, Three Days Grace, Green Day, Skillet, Linkin Park, The Rasmus, L’Arc-En-Ciel, UVERworld, Nirvana, Guns N’ Roses and Evanescence to list some, because there are many more he adores honestly. He isn’t a picky ear as long as the song gives him chills and inspires him, being someone who’s driven by emotions that’s what makes him likes something he hears.

Atsuhiro is their homeroom teacher, at the Art University they attend, who introduces them to Giran, a friend of his, who has an agency for new talents and after they sent him six of their songs wants to launch their very first album by August to make them debut at the “Rock In Japan Fes.”

Touya, being the emotional driven type of musician, is the one put to write the lyrics for the band’s songs and most of the times are hits, especially because his and Tenko’s voice brings to life the emotions of the lyrics in a way that it reaches the listeners right into the heart and soul.

You will never catch Touya’s fingers empty, there’s always rings decorating them and some rings are even custom made by his cousin Geten, who owns a Jewelry shop that he promotes a lot on his social media. One of his most precious rings is the one that he got made for him, with his birthstone carved in it, when he turned eighteen.

He has three earrings on his right ear: an helix, mid helix, conch and low helix. Four on his left one: two helix, a low helix and one on the lobe, plus three nostril piercings on the right side of his nose.

After “The Villains” debuts and proving his father that he could succeed through music without his help nor his name, Touya owns now a black card that he lets Fuyumi and Shoto use to their heart content.

Last, but not least, be ready to be the muse of Touya’s songs the instant he falls head over heels for you. The moment it happens everything, and I mean everything, to him becomes about you driving Tenko and Iguchi to pure exasperation.

[sirazaroff]

How do you think Velvet flirts with Coco?

This is one of the funniest asks I ever got and im glad cause this is just gold. Like how does the Bun™️ woo her stupid bozo??
————


I have my biased takes on what Coco and Velvet are like as characters, but to start off I wanna focus on what Vel brings to the table.

I think a lot of people have moe’d her down to a nervous/scaredy bunny girl and…that’s not her at all. She’s a real multilayered character who can and will kick your ass flat. She’s also…

- very very attentive to people

- excellent at memorizing things she sees and hears, and quickly at that

- very emotionally in tune with people, herself included

- insanely kind and helpful

- honest about her feelings and will voice her thoughts when ready

Also she’s a bunny like come on. Is baby. It’s impossible to not find her likable.

I can go on forever, but I think these are enough likable traits to work with.


Time to shift. Now we focus on what I think Coco likes in a person:

- Hot girls

- Complexity

- Someone true to their nature

- Some sense of honor

- Someone striving to learn and to better themselves

Hopefully it’s not lost here, but there’s some compatibility don’t you think? Velvet’s got some of those traits that Coco likes.

————

So where’s the flirting? It’s coming I swear, I just needed the background info to help support the answers.

Bun bun flirts two ways: intentionally and unintentionally. The latter is usually what’s happening most often.

Her intentional flirting is what you would expect. Some cheeky words, being a playful tease in her actions like when she flashed her camera in After the Fall. I think she would 1000% take advantage of her physique and incredibly vast skillsets. She is totally totally showing off during training and sparring. Coco might hide her gaze under her glasses but that dumb bitch is so easy. So so easy…

Now her unintentional flirting is basically that Velvet is just doing her thing. She’s comfortable and loved by her team. With them she’s able to be herself and have fun, and that’s what coco loves most. Seeing Velvet thrive and not feel like she has to hide herself away from the world, and with it comes moments and actions that make Coco, much to her surprise, fall for Velvet.

I guess simply put, Velvet flirts by being her cheeky self around Coco, and her leader falls for her every time.

[xxplastic-cubexx]

what is your favorite thing about charles and your favorite thing about erik? separately, as in what you like most about their characters :]

a devious question this one is, my friend!!! it's hard enough for me to explain my thoughts cohesively, but having to pick ONE thing i particularly love is difficult. with characters like charles and erik, theres been so much done with their characters over the decades and so they have so many components to them that make them so interesting and fun to observe. BUT I TRY FOR YOU TODAY. under the cut i kinda ramble and the size of this text box makin me anxious

i think if i were to be simple and broad, what i enjoy most about charles is his determination to help others, even if he isn't really thanked and/or if people don't even like him. ofc, this isn't to say he hasn't done wrong- to be honest, the fact he does wrong/questionable things at times is another aspect of him i really enjoy, maybe because- broadly speaking- he's meant to be altruistic (intent vs outcome and all that). i don't know if that's super exciting to most people, but it is for me

as for erik, my reason for liking him is easier to explain tbh. To Be Simple And Broad, his progression from villain to antihero over the decades has been fun to observe (as much as i have so far anyhow) and analyze. i think to be a bit more specific, him using his rage and pain as justifications for his villainous actions is definitely what compels me the most: hurt people hurt and the sort, an idea i've always found interesting (something something vicious cycles and the like). yet now, he recognizes this wasn't really. A Just Thing To Do and is beginning to change that, which i enjoy

[sadquickchristmassnowman]

Hiiii I have a community question I wanted to ask!!

Abed mentions all sorts of movies and tv shows through out Community, but I just wanted to know if maybe you have like a list of which ones are real and which ones he seemed to like more than others.

I can only think of the dark knight because of the dvd Annie broke, and the Star Wars movies (except he apparently hates the prequels) and cougar town!

great question! sorry for the delay on a response.

so, he mentions/references an insane number of movies and tv shows throughout the series, and I unfortunately do not have a list of every single one. although, I am (VERY slowly) working on an in-depth episode-by-episode analysis of the entire series, and listing every pop culture reference is a subsection in that. but that's not helpful right now. moving on

I don't have the picture, but there's this questionnaire abed filled out (outside of the show, it must have been uploaded to a website as promotional material for the show). he says his favorite movie is a tie between:

ghostbusters (1984, comedy/horror)

an american werewolf in london (1981, horror)

back to the future (1985, sci-fi/comedy)

blade runner (1982, sci-fi/action)

stand by me (1986, adventure/comedy)

stripes (1981, comedy/war)

star wars (1977, sci-fi/fantasy, also called "a new hope")

star wars: the empire strikes back (1980, sci-fi/fantasy)

star wars: the return of the jedi (1983, sci-fi/fantasy)

ferris bueller's day off (1986, comedy/drama)

jaws (1975, thriller/adventure)

raising arizona (1987, comedy/crime)

jurassic park (1993, adventure/sci-fi)

seven (1995, crime/mystery)

the matrix (1999, action/sci-fi)

the goonies (1985, adventure/comedy)

the breakfast club (1985, comedy/romance)

real genius (1985, comedy/sci-fi)

better off dead (1985, comedy/romance)

the fog of war (2003, documentary/war)

pulp fiction (1994, crime/thriller)

(btw if anyone knows what I’m talking about and has the screenshot please rb with it! I cannot for the life of me find it lmao)

I believe this is a list he apparently made in 2009, either in the first few weeks of school or right before the school year started. so it's possible he would answer differently as the series progressed. also, I do take some of these extra-canon things with a grain of salt, as on the same form he said his favorite place on campus was study room D or something, when obviously they definitely meant to write study room F. so, the credibility of my source for this information isn't exactly rock-solid. although, he does mention a lot of these movies on screen, and expresses love for many of them (the most notable ones probably being star wars episodes IV-VI, the breakfast club, and pulp fiction)

as you can see from the list, abed particularly loves american movies from the 80's. just a trend I thought I’d point out.

here's a few others he mentions loving, or just pretty notably references:

the dark night (2008, action/crime, as you mentioned)

rudolph the red-nosed reindeer (1964, musical/animated, is the whole basis of 2x11 abed's uncontrollable christmas)

the shawshank redemption (1994, horror/crime, is the basis for his plot with troy, annie, and shirley in 4x05 cooperative escapism in familial relations)

freaky friday (I believe it's the original one from 1976 specifically, but it's been remade a bunch. comedy/fantasy. it's the basis of abed and troy's story in 4x11 basic human anatomy)

rambo/first blood (series starting in 1982, action/thriller. abed talks about how messy the progressive series titles are in 3x14 pillows and blankets)

ocean's eleven (2001, crime/thriller, the basis for the heist scene from 3x21 the first chang dynasty)

hearts of darkness (1991, documentary/war, abed mentions it while pointedly filming dean pelton's production of his greendale commercial rather than helping with the commercial itself. similarly, hearts of darkness filmed the making of apocalypse now)

apocalypse now (1979, war/action, see the above explanation)

die hard (series starting in 1988, action/thriller, abed mentions wanting to do a die hard homage for christmas multiple times throughout season 4)

good will hunting (1997, thriller/romance, troy and abed's story in 1x24 english as a second language is filled with references to this movie. abed is doing homages on purpose, troy is not)

my dinner with andre (1981, comedy/drama, abed does a very elaborate homage at jeff's accidental expense in 2x19 critical film studies)

indiana jones (raiders of the lost ark, temple of doom, and the last cruscade only. he mentions loving the first three indiana jones movies in 1x04 social psychology)

aliens (1986, action/adventure/sci-fi, he and troy dress up as an alien and ripley in 2x06 epidemiology) (side note, I believe they're specifically referencing aliens, which is a sequel to alien. could be wrong though)

blade (1998, horror/action, they watch it over the course of 3x15 origins of vampire mythology after troy and abed assert multiple times that it is an amazing movie)

I think he generally talks about movies more than he talks about tv shows, but he does mention quite a few of them. some notable mentions are:

friends (1994, sitcom, mentions at least twice)

m*a*s*h (1972, sitcom, mentions in passing in 1x05 advanced criminal law, and references throughout 1x13 investigative journalism)

the cape (2011, action, mentions throughout 4x13 advanced introduction to finality)

who's the boss (1984, sitcom, is the premise of his whole storyline in 2x20 competitive wine tasting)

LOST (2004, sci-fi, mentions at least twice)

obviously there are a LOT more, but I just tried to list some of the most important ones, plot-wise and for understanding of his character. hopefully I’ll be able to get back to everyone with a super long list of every tv show and movie he ever mentions lmao, but that'll take a while. (there are lists online that say they list every movie and tv show abed has ever mentioned, but ngl I don't 100% trust those, so I’ll make my own lmao. but I put the link to one of them if you're curious. here's another one too)

at this point anyone who has seen community knows there are some really really big ones that I haven’t mentioned yet. pieces of media that are INTEGRAL to abed as a character. I was saving them for last lmfao. they are:

kickpuncher

inspector spacetime

cougar town

if I had to pick a holy trinity of media for abed, it would be these three things. these are EASILY the things he talks about the most, which is interesting, as both the kickpuncher movie franchise and the inspector spacetime series are completely fictional, and only exist in the community universe. (this is probably so they can show abed actually watching some of the shows/movies he talks about, without the obvious copyright issues that come with playing clips from an already existing movie/tv show on your screen. they kind of do that with blade in 3x15, but they only play vague fighting sounds, and never show their tv on our screen. anyway. not relevant.) to answer one of your questions from the ask, I believe those two are the ONLY fictional pieces of media abed talks about. as far as I know, everything else he mentions is real, including cougar town.

kickpuncher is obviously reminiscent of sci-fi/action films from the 80's, like robocop. like I said earlier, taking their place so that they could have a more substantial role in abed's on-screen life without any copywrite worries. it's a whole franchise, so there are multiple movies: kickpuncher, kickpuncher 2: codename: punchkicker, kickpuncher 3: the final kickening, kickpuncher: detroit, kickpuncher: miami (?), and kicksplasher (?). kicksplasher is apparently shown as a poster on abed's wall, and I’m assuming it's from the same franchise, although that could be wrong. the point is there's a very elaborate universe for kickpuncher, and it's a big part of abed's, and later troy's, film taste. the first time they mention it is in 1x15 romantic expressionism, when abed, troy, shirley, pierce, and chang all get together in abed's dorm room to make fun of stupid movies together. it's funny that it was introduced as a stupid movie to watch ironically, then troy and abed both end up genuinely loving it lmao. classic

inspector spacetime is obviously reminiscent of doctor who. they're both british sci-fi series that have been running for decades. doctor who uses a police box to travel the multiverse, while doctor who uses a telephone box. doctor who has malicious daleks who chant "exterminate," while inspector spacetime has blorgons who shout "eradicate." the concepts of the shows are obviously the same, with the actor for the doctor changing every season, etc etc. they're essentially the same exact show, but, like I said before, changed slightly so they can world-build without getting copywrited. there is something a little bit silly about this, though. it's definitely a continuity error and it's up to everyone whether they want to accept it as canon or not, I guess, but there's an episode where abed is actually wearing a doctor who t-shirt. (it also references bill and ted, but the doctor who part is what's relevant.) here's some pictures:

awesome shirt tbh, but it is a little bit funny that is essentially makes it true that doctor who and inspector spacetime both exist in the community universe. and, these pictures are from the cold open of 4x11 basic human anatomy, which is way after inspector spacetime is introduced to the show (3x01 biology 101). so, is inspector spacetime just a rip-off of doctor who? is abed a fan of both shows? if he is, clearly he likes inspector spacetime better. anyway. I would guess that this wasn't intentional. but that is definitely a tardis on that shirt. maybe it's just a classic season 4 continuity mistake. oh well. I guess that's just how the cookie crumbles. anyway.

cougar town time! yes, it's a real show. I didn't think it was but it is. what's not real is cougarton abbey, the short-lived british remake that britta gets abed into in 3x01 biology 101. but yeah. it has 6 seasons and is streaming on hulu, if you're interested. I’ve heard it's not good but who knows for sure. something cool about cougar town is that abed is actually in an episode. let me be clear: not danny pudi. ABED. it's similar to the story abed tells about being invited to the cougar town set and shitting his pants while having an existential crisis about the layers of reality. here is a youtube clip of the scene. I found out about it while stalking danny pudi's wikipedia page months ago, you know, a typical sunday afternoon activity, and I saw a cougar town credit on there. I didn't even know it was a real show at that point so you can imagine my surprise lmao. anyway. idk if you knew that already but it's one of my favorite community easter eggs. so funny.

okay! I hope this is enough information to suit your needs, and I am once again opening the floor to anyone who wants to add anything 💯 this was fun, thanks for the ask, and stay fresh everyone ✌️

[greennoobartist]

Can you clarify what you mean by you " don't support " lgbt+ in your bio please? It's worded rather awkwardly, as you say you believe everyone deserves respect and kindness as well. This is a genuine question/request.

Oh, hi anon! Sure, im always up for explaining everything that isn't clear. Im aware that my wording pretty much sucks but that's what you get when you've been antisocial for years and when English is your fluent language lol XD

Ok so, first lemme explain that part of not supporting LGBT:

Yes, i don't support it. By that I mean that i am NOT part of that community, so im NOT gay or lesbian or anything like that. Im simply straight and when it comes to sexuality, i keep that very simple. Simply straight without any complications. I don't even complicate with the pronouns and gender, so im a girl/female, pronouns she/her, sexulity straight, which means that when it comes to romantic attraction, im into men. When it comes to seeing LGBT content, i just find that weird, no offense. I don't like m/m and f/f ships, they're just disturbing for me so i don't like any ships of such kind. I understand that some people enjoy such content, but I just don't. It looks weird and it makes me feel uncomfortable. No offense of course, i just don't like it, that's all.

Im always am trying to keep that simple and I hope im doing it well.

Now for that "everyone deserves kindness" part:

Exactly as it sounds like :). Im a high believer that every single living organism on this world should be treated with respect and kindness, no matter who they are, what they are, what they like or dislike, gender, age, height, race, sexuality, religion etc. So with that, im always trying to be respectful and kind to everyone on Tumblr, no matter how different we may be.

Now the part that probably confused you because of my wording:

"If I'm a high believer of such thing, then how do I not support LGBT?"

From what I understood, this was what you were saying, and im sorry I did write that rather awkwardly in my intro post.

Basically, I'm not a part of that community, i said that. But, i respect everyone. Which means: "Oh wait, you're gay? Oh well, i don't mind! We can still be friends!". What I'm trying to say is that, just because im not part of that community doesn't mean ill hate you or block you or be disrespectful towards you or judge you or such. No. I will NOT do that. I don't care what's your sexuality, really. Love who you love and I won't judge it, that's your decision. By saying that i don't support it, i mean that i will not be making such content and that im not part of it. But if you are, completely fine! I don't mind! I know that I can't change your mind and i won't be even trying! Just because our opinions on sexuality are different doesn't mean that we can't be friends. I, sincerely, am fine with being friends with anyone. Im open to anybody and id like to be friends with everybody who wants the same. Im really not judgemental and picky when it comes to friends. Im aware that some people might not share my opinion when it comes to this, but I really don't care who you are when it comes to being friends. Ill be kind to you, you're gonna be kind to me and that's it. That's all that matters.

So to wrap this up: Im not a part of LGBT, but if you are, im completely fine with that! I will not show you any disrespect or unkindness. I will still be nice and kind to you. We can still be friends, i really don't mind. Everyone deserves respect and kindness, so even if we don't share the same aspect on sexuality, even if you're gay, lesbian or anything like that im still gonna be polite and kind, because everyone deserves respect and kindness, no matter what.

Side note: if you're lesbian, please don't flirt with me, pretty please. It makes me uncomfortable since like i just said, im straight. So if anyone who's reading this happens to be a lesbian, we can be friends, but don't flirt with me. Pretty please. We can be friends, but don't expect that ill support your flirting or romantic attraction towards me. I will not. Don't do it. Please.

That is all i have to say! I hope this clarified everything that wasn't clear! Im sorry that my intro was worded awkwardly and that it caused confusion, but I hope this solved it. Thank you so much for asking ❣️

[sukunasweetheart]

Why do you like Sukuna so much?

I was halfway through writing up a few paragraphs but i ended up scrapping it bc i ddint knwo what i was saying anymore. Hes just. My everything

I JUAT LOVE HIM SAUR MUCH WHAT IS THERE NOT TO LOVE??#;@**# HES SO GRRRRAAAHHHHHHHH 💝💓💝💓💗💗💘💓💝💕💘💞💓💝💗💝💓💝💞💝💞💘💞💓💝💓💓💝💘💞💞💝💓💝💗��💝💘💞💕💘💞💘💓💓💗💝💓💝💘💞💘💕💞💝💓💝💓💞💝💞💞💝💞💓💝💗💝💞💞💝💓💝💓💝💞💞

[rolex-kaard]

it's actually so stupid

[necrotic-nephilim]

What's your favourite batclan member and which one is your favourite to write?

ooooh, fun question!! as for favorite character, probably Helena Bertinelli. i am unwell about her. a couple years ago i was like "i don't know Huntress too well, I'll just read all the Huntress comics can't be that hard" and i did and since then she has lived rent-free in my mind. i never shut up about her and i have successfully convinced multiple people to be Huntress fans. if anyone ever wants Huntress comic recs, thoughts on who i ship her with, explanations of Helena Bertinelli vs Helena Wayne, i am your guy.

if we went with like, characters who are the more accepted main Batfam members, i'd have to say the basic answer of Tim Drake. he's just. he's my guy man idk what it is. a lot of facts about me are eerily similar to Tim so i'm blaming it on that. Red Robin (2009) altered my brain chemistry in ways i've yet to fix. a lot of my favorite Batfam arcs and storylines tend to involve him, and i think he's had a *lot* of really cool storylines. personally a big fan of A Lonely Place of Living, which as far as Rebirth goes, a pretty solid TIm story. i love Tim so dearly.

a close third favorite is Jean-Paul Valley, who also exists now as a more exterior Batfam member, but he's everything to me. Catholic guilt and dissociative identity disorder in one guy? sign me up i love him.

as for who's my favorite to write: once again probably Tim, just because i can confidently say i know him the most and i find exploring his flaws from his POV to be really fun. he's kind of an ass and can be ego-centric, but that's what makes him fun. i also love writing Jason, just because there's a self-awareness that a well-written Jason Todd has that's so fun to explore. also i pride myself in knowing i can write Jason better than Scott Lobdell can. which to be fair isn't a high bar, but given he has changed Jason for the worse and it took use like a decade to be free of his writing, i think i'm allowed it. i also really like writing Cass! i don't know if i can say i have as strong of a grasp on her as i do Jason or Tim, but she's such a complex character to write and i enjoy giving her a lot of dimension solely to combat her existing as a prop in most fanfic.

[frogshipping]

🍎 🍇 🧅

Hi, Rebecca my beautiful mutual. Thank you for the ask as always <3

I'm answering for just one f/o today I think (feelin lazy lol)

🍎 - How easily does your f/o get sick? How stubborn are they about getting themself treated, or having their wounds taken care of?

Goku rarely gets sick, but when he does he can be quite stubborn! It's not that he doesn't want to be treated; it's that he doesn't like medicine, or having to lay in bed all day for multiple days. He will try to exercise or train while sick, and it can sometimes end up in an argument. Because he shouldn't be doing that! He needs rest! He's gonna make himself feel worse! But Goku doesn't care, 'cause he doesn't like being idle for more than a day. Goku also isn't the biggest fan of doctors, especially when sick. He's terrified that he might be given a shot instead of oral medicine, especially when he resists taking them. He's fine with getting wounds/injuries treated though, whether by a medical professional or Viti, as long as no one points a syringe his way (same tbh)

🍇 - Is your f/o more generous or more selfish?

I feel like Goku leans more towards selfish, though not terribly so. He doesn't always consider others feelings, however that's more out of ignorance than anything else. He wants what he wants, and it's not easy to change his mind when he's locked onto something. Even if it gets in the way of others or anyone's plans beyond his own. But he does care about others, and is around when it matters the most. He gives people the benefit of the doubt, even when they don't deserve it.

🧅 - What are people’s initial reactions to your f/o, and what have you learned about them now that you’re close to each other?

A lot of people think that Goku is dumb, or way too naïve, but that certainly isn't the case. He can be an airhead, sure, even ignorant at times, but he's definitely not stupid. He's very knowledgeable about his interests, strategic, observant when he wants to be, and aware of himself and his surroundings.

Viti discovers that he's also more emotionally aware than others believe. He doesn't always show it, because he doesn't think it's any of his business when people are upset or bothered. He'll offer an open ear or a shoulder to lean on, but won't press. He comes off as more nonchalant as a result. But he can tell when something's not right, or when somebody is excited but hiding it, or when the mood switches because of poorly spoken words. He knows, he just doesn't show that he does. Though with Viti, he will. With her, he makes the effort to.

[todayisafridaynight]

any hopes for kiwami 3? like things u wanna see added or changed stuff like that

if they dont keep kiryu's goofy walk stance and the hoof-like walk sounds i dont wanna play it

[baconpal]

Are your commissions open?

Honestly? I don't really know. They've been closed a while since I was extremely busy last year, but I probably could take some on soon.

In the past ~5 years I've got next to no response whenever I did put myself out there for comms, probably because I can only open them occasionally and I don't purposefully lowball the value of my time, but I haven't kept a comm sheet up to date as a result.

That all said, for anyone who would be interested in one, feel free to send a message here on tumblr or at my same commission/contact email if you prefer.

[coldercreation]

Have you ever been in a relationship before?

(Short answer:) I have dated before but not in a serious and longterm enough way that I’d call it ‘being in a relationship’, if that makes sense? Like, I’ve never thought of someone as my boyfriend/ex, so it's just been dating that never became serious enough to turn into a proper relationship.

(Longer TMI ramble answer lmao:)

I've mentioned this before, both in the context of writing Nat's anxiety for CYE and just simply ranting here, that I used to be really anx-depresso for years and years. I had zero interest or energy for anything for the longest time, including anything social. So while other people were doing the usual young people things and getting these experiences, I was just a sad blob getting through them days</3 Crappy times but great source material for writing realistic emotions for all sorts of different scenarios in stories😩 ANywho, I've always been pretty romance-y even when sad blobbing, so when I finally started to get out of that a lil and felt a bit more human, I wanted to try the whole dating thing too. So far I've never really clicked with anyone though, which is why it’s never gone past the more casual dating stage. 

In the last few years I noticed that I really don’t like the whole dating thing in general, at least not in the way it’s gone for me in the past. Learned that I hated being in a situation where the dating started with us having the same expectations (relationship, not casual), but somehow I'd end up feeling like only I was hoping to build that relationship / care / connection, and the other person was just after the physical side. I really didn’t like how it felt like the only way to get attention from these guys was through that route, and my people pleasing butt took a bit too long to realise that that was not a fitting vibe for me😅 Left me feeling a lil bit too insecure and objectified for it to be acceptable in my books :’) But so it goes, it's a learning process like anything else. Still, I decided not to do that at all for now: the next time I’ll even consider ‘dating’ someone, I want to feel like there’s some more connection first and not just physical attraction or whatever. 

It’s just tricky because dating in general seems to traditionally rely on that physical attraction and angle from the get go, and it's so fast. Like, dating apps always rely on the visual side of things from the start, y’know, and you're generally just expected to jump right into it. If a stranger asks me out somewhere, my first reaction is usually a whiplash because… wait, you don’t even know me??😭 (I find people attractive physically/aesthetically too, but that's more secondary for me in the beginning compared to sensing a good, matching vibe from someone over a longer period of time) I know dating is supposed to be about getting to know someone…. but I guess after all these years and experiences, it just easily gives me a weird ick when someone approaches me based on just my looks alone?

Asdfgh it’s confusing, I don’t know how to explain!! Like, compliments and interest is nice obviously, but I guess the next time before I date/go meet someone with the intention of dating, I want us to actually know each other a little bit so I know they actually like me too?? So it’s not dating just because they’re horny and they think I’m fit lmao :')