#and they feel like the least priority for both of their respective companies

[bomnun]

not a very relevant post at all, once again just talking to myself, but I really feel my interest in the kpop industry and checking up on many groups fading so fast. wkly and lghtsm were the two “next generation” groups I liked the most and was the most attached to, and, idk, my enjoyment of them has become really … stunted mostly after the members leaving, and the obvious display of the fact that neither company wants to keep working on the (good) sounds and concepts they had going that I really liked … wkly’s next comeback (if ist decide to give them one at all) will probably not be in the same genre and style as ven para was, but I don’t think they’ll care to go back to bubbly, fun, songs sounding more like after school or tag me because that’s considered “too childish” and ist clearly doesn’t do that. with lghtsm it’s obvious a 180 is coming, and considering cube’s most popular group these days I don’t think it’ll be a 180 with…music enjoyable to me… plus idk the removal of the two members makes me feel so off. I like all eight, and I want to see the remaining six flourish too, but even if I end up liking the new stuff it’s going to feel…wrong.

[01zfan]

don’t waste it | l. sh

fwb!trainee!sohee x trainee!reader | 3.1k

seriously seriously seriously recommend listening to dont waste it by august 08 while reading this!

contains: sneaking around, goodbyes, angst, unprotected sex, crying

you look at the crumbled note in your pocket as you followed the directions written on the piece of paper. you knew you were doing something you weren’t supposed to, something you could get kicked out of your company for doing. but you couldn’t resist jumping at the opportunity to see sohee possibly for the last time.

the news should’ve broken your heart. it came to you first in the forms of whispers and murmurs around you. you were told about your company debuting a new boy group. it was pure assumption who would be in the new group, but all guesses had one person in common. when your dance coach came in and confirmed the group and its future members you felt your breath hitch in your throat. all of the boys stood in front of the class, accepting the congratulations and well wishes. one of them looked everywhere in the room but you.

sohee was always going to debut. you knew it was going to happen eventually, every monthly evaluation he would receive high praise and markings. you envied sohee to say the least. you embarrassingly let him catch you crying in the practice room during a slump you were in. you debated walking out of the agency and going home then and there, but sohee was there to convince you to stay. later down the road you two called it divine intervention. sohee had no reason to be in that practice room, but happened to find himself there for some reason. 

you two hit it off and stayed close following that night. he made sure to constantly check on you and was always offering to help you polish your skills before an evaluation. the romance blossomed and something about being so young and stupid made it very exciting to sneak around without the company knowing. you thought you and sohee would’ve been caught a long time ago, but it never happened. you two did have a few close calls being caught by staff and other trainees, but the reputation you both had for being goody two-shoes helped you get out of those situations. all you two had to do was say you were practicing and be able to be let off with a warning.

“don’t let anyone catch you guys practicing without a chaperone again.”

you had heard that sentence more times than you could count. what none of the staff members knew was that you and sohee started sneaking around a long time ago. your relationship started very organically, blossoming from a friendship built on mutual respect. sohee kissed you and you kissed him back, pretending like nothing happened after the fact. he asked you out and you said no, focusing on training was your top priority and sohee would only be a distraction. 

you folded when a monthly evaluation was approaching. you were stressed beyond relief and sohee found you the same way he found you the first time. this encounter ended with you two on the floor of the practice room feeling eachother up while in a heavy make out session. you both had to put a hand over the others mouth to muffle noises as you fucked in the practice room. it was messy and rushed, but it happened again and again. 

you both has understanding it would have to be kept a secret. it was stupid, and you two probably shouldn’t have done it, but you couldn’t resist it. so you two saw eachother when staff weren’t around, or when everyone was asleep. 

it always started as you two catching up. in public, you had to keep up appearances, acting like nothing more than same age friends. no one knew that you knew sohee beyond his vocal ability. no one knew that you snuck off to see him, that you guys went on dates covered up head to toe so no one could possibly know who you were. there were even times when you two would methodically plan to leave a company event together so you two could be alone while everyone else was distracted.

the company staff were celebrating with all the trainees over the upcoming debut of the new boy group. you were at the snack table, putting fruit on your plate when sohee came to stand beside you. he pretending like he was looking at the selection of fruit, trying to decide which one. you knew what sohee was trying to do, you had done this dance with him a million times before. you looked at the fruit too, suddenly forgetting which ones you were even going to get.

“can you pass me the tongs?” sohee said.

he spoke nonchalantly but his eyes darted around the room, like he was trying to check to see if anyone was watching. you cleared your throat and kept your expression neutral.

“yeah, sure.” you said.

as you were handing sohee the tongs, he opened up his hand to receive them. you saw the tightly folded paper in his hand, so compact that only you could see it. your eyes flickered to his face—still trained on the platter of fruit in front of him. you handed him the tongs and grabbed the paper subtly, something you were incredibly good at doing now. sohee went on to grab some fruit with his tongs and you walked away from the table, paper in your hand holding the plate. you went to the corner of the room, watching everyone enjoy their night. no one seemed to be looking at you so you quickly unfolded the paper using the plate to cover it.

meet me in the lounge room on the third floor in twenty minutes.

you look up to see sohee talking to someone, but he stares right at you. you give him the slightest nod possible, and a smile etches across his face. he continues to talk and you look for your own conversation to start. sohee leaves about five minutes after you read the note and you wait ten minutes before you head out. you don’t even have to bother with coming up for a cover story, everyone assumes you are going to go practice. so you’re able to leave silently, making the trek to the lounge room.

on the way there you start thinking about what to say, how you’re going to have to break up with him. you don’t know if sohee would be able to do it, if he would be able to end things with you. he was too sweet for his own good. you knew he would try his best to continue whatever relationship you guys had, but the more you thought about it the most impossible it seemed.

you were holding back your tears as you gave your secret knock to the door, a combination of knocks only you and sohee knew about. the third floor was completely abandoned, all the festivities happening two floors above. it was mainly offices on this floor, cubicles that were all vacant this late in the day.

the door unlocked and opened, you walked in slowly giving one last look down the hallway before going in.

sohee stood behind the door. he looked like he was holding back tears of his own.

“congratulations.” you said simply.

sohee rocks back and forth on his heels as he gives you a nod. he doesn’t look at you in the face, his eyes fixed on your shoulder.

“thank you. we are leaving for the new dorms tomorrow.” sohee says.

sohee looks at you to see the shock cross on your face. you are physically taken aback, hands clenching at your sides. the way he is so casual about it makes everything a little too real, like he has already had the time to process everything.

“so soon?” you ask quietly.

sohee walks up to you slowly. he takes his time and you want to ask him why good things have to come to an end. you let him take your hands in his and kiss the back of your hand. you keep your eyes on the ground, afraid that if you look at him for too long you may cry.

“i’m happy for you. i really am.” the lump in your throat stops you from getting any louder. 

sohee bends his body down slightly so he’s in your line of sight. you look up from the floor to his smiling face. you feel yourself smiling slightly too as he brings you into a hug. you hug sohee back tightly, with a grip that has his white tee wrinkling.

“i don’t want to think about all of that right now.” sohee says. he has to clear his throat and you realize he hasn’t processed everything yet either. “let’s just take this time to be together, okay?”

you nod and sohee leads you to the couch in front of the television. he sits first and you sit as close to him as you possibly can. 

the two of you are silent, waiting for the other to initiate something. it was strange; prior to this neither of you had problems making the first move that would lead to sex. sometimes it would be sohee’s hand on your thigh that inched closer and closer to your center, or it would be you grinding down on him as you two kissed but now you sat here on the couch in his arms silently, neither of you daring to look at the other.

“i have to be honest with you.” sohee said quietly. 

your head turns to look at sohee. he places a hand on your thigh and gives you a squeeze, one that tells you he’s about to confess something.

“whatever we have, i need you to know it was more than just sex to me.” sohee said.

that lump in your throat became an obstruction. you couldn’t even breath without letting a quiet whimper shake your body.

“me too.” you say.

you almost find the courage to tell sohee that you were leaving the company and going to one that promised you a sooner debut. no one knows of the news, he would be the only one you would tell. but right now you didn’t want to waste a single moment you had left with him. so you put your hand over sohee’s and bring your leg around his so you can get on top of him.

sohee’s hold on your thigh tightens and you clasp your hands behind his head. you have never been so close to tears straddling sohee’s lap before. but you look at him with teary eyes and he looks at you with the same eyes. you can’t bring yourself to address the elephant on the couch next to you; the fact that this is the last time you’ll ever see him.

“i don’t want to waste it.” you say. you eyes go to his lips.

“so don’t.” sohee whispers. 

you being sohee into a passionate kiss. it is a yearning and longing kiss, one that you take your time with. you try to remember the way his lips feel against yours, the way his fangs prod against your lips. you draw the outline with your tongue, before poking it into his mouth. sohee’s hand guides you through the make out session, it’s the only thing keeping you from going slow and steady. part of you wants to be desperate and quick with the kisses, to show him how much you’ll miss him. but sohee’s slow movements ground you, forcing you to go slow. 

his other hand pulls you closer by the small of your back while your hands make quick work of undoing both your pants.

your current position makes it impossible to take off your pants. sohee’s hand on your back leads both of your bodies down as sohee takes charge in kissing you. he has become a little bit more desperate, kissing you deeper than you were kissing him. your hands are klutzy pushing off sohee’s pants and you clumsily take off your own. 

you waste no time taking sohee into your hands. you don’t know if your mind is playing tricks on you but something about him feels different. he’s hard against you, his weeping tip already covered in precum. sohee’s fingers play with your clit and your folds. he focuses on every part of you, like he is trying to remember everything about your core.

“can i finger you?” sohee says after breaking apart from the kiss. 

he looks at you desperately and you are almost swayed to give him what he wants. you want him to touch you in every way possible, but time is slipping away like sand. any second the party could end and people could come looking for you two. so you regretfully shake your head as you guide his tip to your entrance.

“i need you to fuck me.” you whimper. “please.”

sohee nods and puts his hand over yours. it has been something he’s always wanted to do with you, working together to bring his dick to your entrance. he thinks its intimate holding your hand during every part of sex, loving the way you feel against him.

he teases your entrance, swiping his dick through your folds before poking it slightly into your slit. you whine from it and sohee takes both of your hands away. you look eachother deep in the eyes as sohee slowly slides into you. your hands go to his back and his face goes into the crook of your neck, kissing the skin. you want nothing more than for him to suck on the flesh, to leave a mark so everyone know that you’re his. but you know that you can’t so you settle for feeling sohee slightly press his teeth against your exposed skin.

“you’re perfect. everything about you is so perfect”

you brought your leg that was wrapped around his back leg closer. feeling sohee hit deeper inside of you made you realize it was all too much. you knew you were young and dumb, so dumb for starting an arrangement that you knew would leave both of you with broken hearts. but there was something more to this than sex and stress relief. sohee had become someone that took your heart and occupied your thoughts. you would never find anything like this again. it was so cruel that whatever this was it would be taken away from you when the sun rose.

when you let out a tiny cry sohee came from the base of your neck to look at you. his large eyes expressed concern but you could see his tearstained cheeks. you both looked at the other, silently acknowledging that this was it. you bit your lip to hold back another cry.

“i love you sohee,” you said looking into his eyes. “i love you so much.”

you wished that you were able to keep the love confession to yourself. typically common sense would stop you from saying something so serious in the heat of moments like these but the way sohee caged you in against the couch made you feel drunk off the feeling. your filter was gone the same way it was when you drank, words tumbling out of you without a second thought.

sohee had first told you he loved you after your first unofficial date. you hit his shoulder and laughed and he couldn’t blame you. he said it nonchalantly and with a smile like it was second nature. loving you came easily to sohee, something he believe he was put on earth to do. he was afraid if he said all of this, he would have no choice but to quit his career as an idol to love you. so instead sohee let his sweaty forehead press against yours as he continued to slowly thrust into you. he closed his eyes and tears fell onto you, joining the tears that were already trailing down your face.

“i love you too.” sohee said. “you have no idea.”

his voice was low as he pressed his forehead against yours harder. sohee’s hands gripped the armrest of the couch on either side of your head as his thrusts got harder. 

it was like he knew exactly what you needed, something slow and passionate as a farewell. you think about how caring and attentive sohee has always been as you clench around him. you begin clamping around sohee’s dick at an irregular pace, pulling gasps and pretty moans from him. you don’t think you’ll ever hear anything as pretty as sohee panting from being close. you grab a hold of his hand. he grabs it back and pins both your hands against the headrest.

“don’t let go.” sohee whimpers.

“i don’t want to.” you whine back.

his thrusts start to get harder and his breathing becomes more intense. the sound of the party above you has dulled down and the music has stopped. it won’t be long until the night is over and sohee’s new manager comes looking for him. you lift your hips off the couch slightly to help sohee fuck you deeper.

“i’m close.” you say.

you open your eyes and sohee opens his at the same time. you see your reflection in his blown out eyes that trail to your lips.

“kiss me.” you gasp.

your faces come together and sohee wastes no time to stick his tongue in your mouth. you do the same, licking his bottom lip before grazing it over his teeth. you moan into the kiss and so does sohee. he feels your rhythm and picks up the speed as his hips begin to stutter.

“inside,” you mutter against his lips. “please.”

sohee doesn’t last another thrust. he tells you he’s cumming in a tiny whimper and you can feel him inside of you, warm and slippery. his thrusts become sloppier, the wet sound intensified by his cum. you arch your chest into his as you cum and sohee holds you tightly in his arms. you whine pitifully, tears flowing freely as all your emotions are heightened. 

as you come down you can’t hold back the sobs and neither can sohee. sohee slips out of you as he sits up on the couch, pulling you straddle him for the second time that night. the sexual tension is replaced with sadness as you both process the end of everything. you clench sohee’s shirt in your free hand as you push yourself further into his chest. you can feel him around you, and you try to remember the way he feels against you so you never forget it. you won’t forget him while you’re at your new company and you will hold onto the thought of meeting him on stage in the future to get you through the hard days.

sohee still holds your hand as he rubs your back with the other, tears staining his shirt. you can hear sohee’s phone go off in the distance.

“don’t let go.” you sob into his neck.

“i don’t want to.” sohee says quietly.

[scuderiasundays]

eight or higher

summary: the pressure is on at carlos' home race and he takes it out on the one he loves most (inspired by lily and marshall's eight or higher rule from "how i met your mother")

words: 467

a/n: all the content i'm getting from the spanish gp (shoutout to the birthday + race day queen @vamossainz55) resulted in this very short drabble. bon appetit 👩🏻‍🍳

"Is this an eight or higher?" Carlos answered after just three rings, his annoyance palpable even through the phone. The Spanish Grand Prix loomed over the week, intensifying the already strained atmosphere within the Ferrari motorhome. Prior to the race, your boyfriend had made you promise not to contact him during the day unless it was an emergency rated at least an eight on a scale of one to ten. Overwhelmed with panic, you hastily ended the call.

Dating a Formula 1 driver proved to be a balancing act, as you soon discovered the distinct personas of Carlos the F1 Driver and Carlos the Boyfriend. It became evident that the recent string of races had taken a toll on Carlos' confidence, and you wished for nothing more than to be the support system he needed. You made the call because you were tired of returning to an empty apartment day after day. You dialed his number craving the sound of his voice, seeking solace in his familiar words. Your motivation was simple yet profound - you called because you missed him deeply.

As you gently set down the phone, your hands trembled with a mixture of emotions. It was Carlos the F1 driver, who had just spoken, expressing his need for space. You realized that you too needed time and distance to navigate your own feelings. Determined to respect his wishes, you vowed to carry on with your day, focusing on your own well-being.

By evening, Carlos was calling non-stop, and you mustered the courage to answer, apprehensive about how this conservation would go following the tense morning call. "Hello?" you uttered, your voice betraying a hint of unease. 

"I'm really sorry for lashing out at you like that. Your problems are my problems, and you, mi amor, will always be my top priority. I can't believe I came up with that silly eight or higher rule in the first place,” he confessed, his emotions causing all the words to come out in a jumble. This was one of the reasons why you loved Carlos. His incredible ability to own up to his mistakes, coupled with the unwavering commitment you both shared to have each other’s backs through thick and thin. 

"This briefing should be wrapping up in about an hour or so. How about you meet me at the hotel, and we can order some room service? I could really use your company." And so it went. As thousands of fans chanted "Smooth Operator" outside, you and Carlos spent the night secluded in his hotel room. It was his home race, and the outpouring of support seemed to ignite a certain glow within him. Tonight, time froze and the outside world faded away, leaving just the two of you in a blissful bubble of uninterrupted togetherness.

[zombtismonmain]

Clementine HC's -> S1 - S4

reminder, these have no basis in canon, i simply like the character and have hc's for either my own writing, fun or comfort. minus the bisexual part, given clem is canonically bisexual and that makes me. so very happy.

This will contain obvious spoilers for TWDG S1-S4

Character Related

Clementine is autistic and sometimes struggles with tone, and taking things literally.

Clementine has a special interest in walkie-talkies and other devices, often dismantling them to see how they work - similar to her father whose an engineer.

Prior to being attacked by Sam the dog in season 2, Clementine has a phobia of dogs already, specifically big dogs. She did have a cat that she found in her yard one day and talked her parents into keeping him.

While not a special interest, Clementine enjoys cars and vehicles.

Clementines hat is a comfort item in the same vein a teddy bear might be for young children.

During season 1, Clementine had a small crush on Duck, during Season 2, she had a somewhat crush on Sarah but didn't know the word for it but also a deep friendship, Season 3-4 is when she's officially come to terms with her bisexuality (and polyamory because she has two hands she can have both Louis and Violet. Okay? Okay.)

Clementine mimics Lee alot when taking care of AJ.

Relationships - Familial / Friends

Clementine and Lee develop a deep father-daughter like bond with Lee making sure Clementine is safe long after his death - this is something she uses with AJ and mimics a lot of Lee's behaviors with those around her.

During Season 1, while not super close, Clementine developed a somewhat older sister figure in Lilly. This died along with Carley when Lilly killed her.

Prior to Marlon's demise and betrayal, Clementine enjoyed his company and considered him a friend.

As mentioned prior, Clementine was very close to Sarah during Season 2 (at least in my game, because she reminded me so much of my own sister) and the two act as a support system with Clementine trying to understand her anxiety and teaching her how to defend herself. The two made matching flower rings and Clementine keeps hers in a pocket despite it now becoming withered and dead.

Clementine has a few people that she considers actual family, this being; Lee, Christa, Omid, Kenny and AJ. While he closest friends would of been: Duck, Sarah, Luke, Jane, Marlon, Ruby and Javier (at least in my game)

Relationships - Romantic

Polycule situation between Louis, Clem and Violet, the three often act as a family with Clementine being in the middle - similar to Lee, her priority is AJ's safety and her partners respect that.

Clementine had small crushes on a few people, nothing ever serious for various reasons, but personally I feel like Clementine falls harder for people (Louis and Violet) and is very sentimental when it comes down to people shes in a relationship with.

Very protective of her partners - and just generally people she's close to. She's lost enough people.

Louis fell first, Violet fell harder than Clementine did and it took Violet a while to warm up to Clementine romantically due to what happened with Minnie.

Also, if you'd like the Clementine Clem icons i've made, I'll put them at the bottom for you to use or save <3 they are in order from season 1 to season 4.

[asfateentertwines]

idk if you like this ship, but Nocorro headcanons?

Hi sorry for the delay, I went on a Nocorro tail spin for this

Neteyam hides his feelings for Spider when they're young because he is worried about his moms feelings but has always been gentle with him and secretly enjoyed his company

They got along but just weren't overly close

Spider always was jealous of Neteyam for being everything he couldn't be - Na'vi, loved, strong, respected, etc. But always admired him just as much

Their relationship would start secret - on the downlow for the sake of their own anxieties - and would start due to their common denominator - Lo'ak

As his big brother and his best friend respectively, they always seemed to be the ones at the end of his messes. For Neteyam, it was cleaning them up or talking him out of it and for Spider, it was tagging along before inevitably just trying to keep them both alive

It's my thought that Lo'ak is the one that considers Spider's humanity the least and sees him the most as just Spider, even moreso than Kiri, and so he accidentally gets him hurt a fair amount - hence, Neteyam has to patch him up

This time is where they bond a lot - venting, mocking one another, but also eventually devolving into the fear, insecurity, etc they each feel

They would be the couple that goes through all of the 'new' stuff (i.e the awkward and honeymoon phases) by themselves while no one knows yet about their relationship so that by the time they get together publicly, everyone thinks of them as the old married couple of sorts

They equal one another out in a lot of ways and meet one another's insecurities - each is everything the other wants with the added consequences they didn't see coming

While it takes vulnerability that neither is prepared for, they come to be the same space for one another they each need and become a big part in one another's healing

They're both emotional protectors to the other as no one ever filled the roles for them and for once, they both get to be someone's priority

Its the story of the oldest son and forgotten child

They're two sides of the same beat up coin

Neteyam is protective and takes after his mom in being a guardian but is more reserved and takes social cues into account - he is aware of his mates vulnerability and protects in a lot like how his parents do - meanwhile, Spider is just fucking feral

It takes a long time to teach Spider that he can't just go in like he has nothing to lose - there's a lot of self-worth arguments

However, this comes to head with neither being sure where they stand to announce the relationship. I imagine it wouldn't come out until it had to

in canon, this is the RDA capturing Spider

The RDA taking Spider is what ends with their relationship becoming public

Neteyam has to see his parents as mortal and imperfect while Spider is faced with the doubts on his self-worth and position in the family

Neither knows how to proceed but they fight like hell with something more to fight for than the original canon offers

Neteyam loses it when Spider is taken, he goes feral, fighting with all of Neytiri's spirit, and relies heavily on his parents and the childish belief that they can somehow fix it

I don't think he would realize there's no fixing it until they're with the Metkayina and Ao'nung is courting him

He would lose it, acting more and more like Lo'ak while being lost in his own internal whirlpool of self-doubts and questioning

If war didn't make him grow up then this does

He doesn't think he'll get Spider back until he sees him on the deck but at this point, he's just blindly following Jake - he's unanchored and confused and it is still Lo'ak who ultimately is the reason Spider comes home

As for his fate, I think Spider would have been closer to him. Neteyam would have grabbed him on instinct and been ducking lower to guard the more vulnerable of the two and missed the shot

Them getting home is like recovering from a breakup though

Spider spent the months more convinced than ever that he is unwanted and left astray

But he is also more aware of the emotional manipulation and more at peace with his dynamic with the Sullys so Quaritch doesn't have as much success with him

Despite his doubts festering, it's a sort of resignation that the things they felt for him isn't enough - not that they don't exist

Neteyam would have given him hope that he is a part of the family and made him feel something worth cherishing

Then the RDA comes and it's the resignation that everything is over and he's not going home

He's a lot more grim here

But the upside is that Nocorro is a lot of healing

They're with the Metkayina and helping one another remember their value - Spider in the family and Neteyam as his own person

They both need to be reminded that they're worthy of loving and that's what the months following ATWOW is filled with

Consequently, it's also how the duo become legitimate threats to the RDA

The protective rage they both feel with what was taken from them means they're ruthless - they become a lot more empowered to protect their homes and focus on building some place safe for their family

Ultimately they are a very love and family driven couple with the other slowly becoming their other half, they operate like an extension of themselves with a level of understanding no one else would have

Post-war would take a long time for them to settle but I think they both have similar desires again in just having a loving, safe place for their family to grow and to heal together

Honestly this couple is just very soft and very old married couple, like think the gays from The Last of Us that die together bro

[eviestrology]

Synastry Ship - bluebutterfliese

@bluebutterfliese Thanks for requesting!!

ASPECTS

Sextile Sun - Sun: You have similar objectives in life and you complement each other well. You encourage each other and feel comfortable in each other’s presence.

Conjunction Sun - Mars: Strong sexual chemistry, but this aspect can also bring up arguments. There can be too many battles of wills happening and the two of you may constantly bicker. There will always be a sense of competitiveness between you, friendly and not.

Square Sun - Jupiter: You tend to overindulge each other just to make them happy. Together you may overspend and overdo while neglecting domestic responsibilities. You have different ideas about how romantic relationships should work. At times, you expect too much of each other and feel disappointed when you can’t live up to your expectations.

Square Sun - Uranus: Lots of people view this as a relationship that is destined to fail. You are strongly attracted at your first meeting, but this relationship can end as quickly as it started. Uranus is unpredictable and hates being suppressed. He may feel trapped in this relationship and desperately tries to break away from you. You may try to control him and help get rid of this impulsivity, but this just pushes him further away. This relationship will always be non-traditional and unpredictable. You may be separated at key moments, and may not be able to truly rely on one another in the long-term.

Trine Sun - Neptune: You are attuned to each other’s feelings and feel like you have found your soulmate. It’s easy to forgive each other. You have a very understanding, loving, and dreamy connection.

Square Moon - Mercury: You have different ways of expressing your needs than what he understands or wants. There may be many heated conversations or misunderstandings as a result. The way you speak to each other may rub the other the wrong way and there may be a sense of stubbornness between you two. You may feel that he doesn’t value your opinion or respect your intelligence. He will need to make sure he’s not being too critical and unsympathetic. If you learn to listen sympathetically and learn to communicate clearly with each other a lot of bickering can be avoided.

Trine Moon - Venus: You effortlessly flow together. You easily share your feelings with each other and are both friends and lovers. Playful and lively conversations are likely. The warm and affectionate energy between you two will draw others to you since it will be very obvious that you really adore each other. You will both be attentive to the other’s needs and are always willing to help each other. Each of you provides emotional security to the other. Being together makes you feel happier because complimenting each other comes so naturally. Differences won’t matter too much because there are just so many reasons why you love each other.

Opposition Mercury - Pluto: You challenge each other to think more deeply and to back up your ideas, but the intensity created from this can be overwhelming. You may hang on to old issues for too long. You do not see things in the same way and this creates issues and conflicts between you.

Sextile Venus - Venus: You express love and affection in similar ways or you at least appreciate the way the other expresses love. You have similar tastes and values.  This also suggests that you tend to cooperate with one another on a basic level, and creating harmony between the two of you is one of your priorities. You feel at ease in one another’s company.

Sextile Mars - Pluto: This aspect indicates intense sexual desires within the relationship. There is a sense of competitiveness in this relationship. You will need to find a healthy way to express this or power games could become an extremely intense theme of your relationship. Lots of passion and attachment.

HOUSE OVERLAYS

His Sun in Your 4th House: When you meet, you feel like you’ve already known each other for a long time. You feel at home with each other and want to protect the other. You have a very fulfilling, powerful connection. You feel dependent on the other person for emotional support. There is a strong desire to live together and building a home is likely to come very naturally to you. A very intimate and nurturing relationship.

His Moon in Your 10th House: He likes helping you achieve your career goals and you see him as a role model. Sometimes indicates a “trophy wife” or “trophy husband” type of relationship. You like to show off your partner in public. It feels like there is a lack of emotional closeness and he might think you’re too self-serving at times. You can benefit from this relationship if you are both focused more on worldly success. This overlay only adds a practical motive for being together and doesn’t indicate much intimacy.

His Mercury in Your 5th House: You brighten each other’s life. It’s easy to express yourself and conversations are fun and playful. You most likely will want to raise children together, and you have similar views on how to raise them. You enjoy spending time together and there is a lot of romance in your relationship.

His Venus in Your 6th House: You inspire each other to work on yourselves, improving your health and well-being. You show love by offering help to the other and have a calming effect on each other. Daily chores become more enjoyable when you do them together. It’s easy to resolve issues and compromise. 

His Mars in Your 6th House: The same as Venus in 6th house ^^. You inspire each other to work harder on your goals and health. Love is shown by caring for each other practically, helping with chores, and helping each other improve.

His Jupiter in Your 9th House: This is very good for long-term relationships. You admire his intellect and ideas and he becomes a sort of guru for you. He gives you the desire to explore and expand your knowledge. You have a lot of similar views and he feels like you truly understand him. You both grow intellectually and spiritually. You love traveling and trying new things together.

His Saturn in Your 7th House: He is serious and mature in this relationship and wants to take things slow. You see him as someone who you can count on. He helps you learn how to control your emotions and maintain boundaries. You both feel responsible for the other. The negative side is you could feel restricted by his seriousness and that there isn’t much fun in the relationship.

His Uranus in Your 3rd House: He opens your mind to new and radical ideas. You either find him brilliant or too eccentric. Your conversations will never be boring. He pushes you out of your comfort zone and teaches you how to think outside the box. 

His Neptune in Your 2nd House: He makes you more spiritual and creative. He adds some dreaminess to your life. He’s very generous towards you. However, you might have trouble with finances. He could be a bit risky and make financial decisions without consulting you.

His Pluto in Your 1st House: Very strong attraction with a lot of passion. However, he can be controlling at times. He may try to dictate how you dress and present yourself. There can be a constant power struggle between you two. But, he can also help you improve your confidence. This relationship can help you learn how to be more dominant and how to set boundaries in a relationship. As long as he has good intentions, this relationship can be very beneficial for you. 

[txemptress]

𝐖𝐎𝐍'𝐓 𝐋𝐄𝐓 𝐘𝐎𝐔 𝐆𝐎 | 𝐄. 𝐕𝐚𝐬𝐢𝐥𝐢𝐨𝐬

— “𝐖𝐇𝐘 𝐃𝐎𝐍'𝐓 𝐘𝐎𝐔 𝐋𝐎𝐕𝐄 𝐌𝐄?”

marq's note: I have nothing to say.

tw: blood, attempt murder.

Medea has been a kind hostess to say the least. Her overlooking with how Name was treated was given with utmost respect and thanks from the female. She seemed quite intent with making sure she was at home. This almost felt like home. Almost.

Taking a necklace out of its box, she fitted it on checking herself in front of the mirror. It was time.

The ball was being held that night, and it was time for her to meet this great Prince everyone had chattered on about.

Coming out of her room, she found Marquess Helio standing there waiting for her. "Good evening, Your Highness, ready to go?" His eyes seemed to gleam with delight when she gave a nod.

She noticed his hand was out, taking this as a sign to take his hand. She did. Hand in hand, they walked out of the building where the duchess stood with none other than her brother, Dekis.

No denying that the brother was handsome, it seemed visuals came in the blood with this family. "Good evening." Both ushered them inside, saying they could be late.

Time passed and they made it to the location where this Coronation ball was being held. It seemed the Prince was there already for as Name walked past the others. Some ladies of the court whispered about how attractive His Highness looked and how he looked his best.

Why are they so surprised? Shouldn't everyone look their best during their Coronation? Name highly doubted anyone wouldn't look their absolute best on their ascension.

As she entered the room, she was met with bad looks toward her. As expected, after all she was of the rivaling empire. Silence ruled the room as she and the duchess walked side by side. She could feel looks of anger all around. It seemed the aura of this room was only one. Venomous rage.

Were they angry at her or Medea? She couldn't be sure, but they were angry. No, more like pissed. Was this the reason of her invitation? To feel emerged with the venomous hatred given by the nobles of the empire..?

Suddenly, they stood in front of the throne. A male sat there, one leg positioned across the other, his cheek pressed against his hand in a bored expression. That was until his eyes fixated onto her own.

Eros was overjoyed to finally see her face-to-face. Holding his excitement, he tried his best to keep his mood into the normal bored expression he kept. "Good evening, Duchess Solon. I see you've brought a guest." His voice was slightly tainted with a cheery tone to keep his beauty comfortable. "Good evening to you, Princess." He was about to add her name, but decided not to.

Name's lips were pressed in a firm line. So he did know. Was he actually the one who sent the letter then? Suddenly remembering her courtesy, she bowed respectfully. "Good evening, Your Grace. I speak for both myself and my family to give you a congratulations. May your reign be a successful one for everyone to talk about years from now." Lifting her head up, she managed to catch a smile from the prince. It seemed she had earned the respect.

"I see.. I thank you then." He answered, then inquired with curiosity. "How has your stay been with the duchess?" He needed to know. After all this girl was top priority for him.

"She has been treating me quite well, Your Grace. She's in fact made it so it seems I am at home." Name was confused on why he had to question her stay. Shouldn't he be focusing more on other matters?

Eros frowned at this. So she was enjoying staying with Medea. How infuriating. It made him angry that she was enjoying the duchess' company instead of being with him! Collecting his emotions, he nods. "How... nice of her." He made sure to cast a glare towards the duchess that referred the glare back towards him with no hesitation. He decided to shoot his shot, suddenly standing up to stand next to her.

Name's heart raced as she felt him against her, hand on her shoulder while his lips neared her ear practically touching it. So close that she felt his hot breath against her, making her shiver. Her stomach churned as she felt sick. What was he trying to do..?

"If you'd like you could stay here with me." He whispered as he leaned back away as he looked at her. Optics directed to optics. "I'd truly enjoy such a honor."

This made her heart skip a beat. Stay with Prince? When he could most likely kill her? No, that was suicide at its finest. She doesn't even trust him.

"No thank you." She started. Voice shaking ever so slightly as she looked him straight in the eye. "The duchess has treated me just fine, and as much as I'd like to talk more with you, Your Highness.. I might distract you from your work which wouldn't be good as you have just ascended in your role." She gave a small apologetic smile in response.

This made him stop. No? Did she dare say no to him? All because of Medea? "I see. Thank you for your concern, if you change your mind you know where to find me."

A hand then grabbed her as Medea helped her walk away whilst giving the prince one last fitting glare. "Let's go, everyone's looking at us." She whispered lowly to which Name nodded.

The two of them made it to a corner in which they stood as the prince went on with speech thanking everyone who had joined that night. After a while, Name had gotten overwhelmed with the amount of people attempting to talk with her. She managed to find the balcony empty enough for her to take a breather.

The assassin watched her soon to be victim in silence. A smile forming in her lips. Now was her chance to murder the person who was keeping her from getting the attention of her master.

Watching her movement, luck was on her side! The female turned around to face the way she wasn't on. A laugh nearly escapes from her as she prepared to pounce. Boosting her self, she nearly stabbed the girl.

Nearly.

A quick movement was made as the assassin felt a blinding pain. Crimson splattered on the floor as the red liquid gushed from a mortal wound. Eyes flying back and forth she was met with a sight of white eyes glowing with fury and rage.

Eros.

Name turned to the sound of a faint scream to see a female with a sword so close.

Had she been planning on killing her? It didn't matter either way for the Prince had gotten to her first.

Eros slowly pulled out the sword as the girl bled to death. He walked over to Name whose face grew pale in realization of her near death. "Are you alright?" He asked, inspecting her for wounds.

"I'm fine.." She mumbled, eyeing the now dead body. "Who was she..?"

"An assassin or rebel no doubt." He said plainly. "I'm surprised she showed her face here today especially after a specific incident where I warned her of returning." He looked back at the body.

"I see." So this assassin had been here before. And the prince had nearly killed that time. Like he did to many others, including her own empire's men. Why did he spare lives in the brink of death? A warning? Or was it pride? It didn't matter to her. If he thought if it as a good way to scare enemies it worked in wonders. "I thank you for saving me then." She whispered as he turned back to look at her.

"No problem, if I hadn't the war would be raging as far as the eye can see." He murmured as his fingers made their way to her hair. Touching it he leaned and slowly took a few strands of her hair, kissing it gently. "Please excuse me now, Your Highness. It seems I am needed back in the Ballroom." He murmured once more as he moved back. "Please be careful now. You never know what lies in these trees." She nods, giving a small smile to which the prince surprisingly returned.

He walked past the nobles who were making their leaves known. The ball was over now and his Name had gone home with the Solons long before it even finished, much to his annoyance. He did not say anything when the other assassins wondered aloud where their member was.

That was until they asked him. "She's dead." This statement stirred a lot of uneasy questions and rage between the members of this association. Such as "How did she die?" or "Why didn't you say sooner?" some even wondered where the body laid.

But, the question asked next was one of great importance amongst the rest of them. "How do you know about this, Your Highness?"

Eros gave a look of boredom as his fingers slowly tapped the table. A sight of impatience and one with no interest. "I killed her." A plain and straightforward answer. One he did not care the response for as he stood up and walked away from the room. Loud yelling heard behind him, but he didn't care. That girl tried hurting his wife to be! Not just hurting in fact, murdering was the best answer. She didn't deserve mercy. She got what she exactly deserved. Her death wasn't pretty, but it was better than leaving her alive when there could be more possible opportunities of her killing what was his.

He threw his glass across the room in frustration as it shattered into a million pieces. This was getting out of hand. His emotions were getting out of hand. He had her. She had him. Why didn't he take her back then in the balcony?

Mercy. A laugh emerged from him, breaking free. He had given her mercy! How different. See how insane she was turning him? She was given mercy! By someone who never gave it.

Let her spend her next few days of kindness because sooner or later he'd use his trump card. And she'll finally be his forever.

taglist!

@d10nsaint , @sidra-29 , @rouecentric , @roseadleyn , @that-one-pretty-bitch

[nova--spark]

So you’ve seen Jack Angst and you’ve seen Miko Angst now let me introduce you to RAF ANGST!

So between Jack’s runaway incident and Miko’s injury there’s been little time to give to little Raf.

Optimus, Arcee, and even Bumblebee are focused on helping Jack adjust

Elita and Ratchet are focused on Miko’s recovery

Raf understands his siblings need some extra help right now and he was even willing to help comfort Jack and keep Miko company during her recovery. But it’s starting to feel like how it did on with his earth family where he was constantly a second, third, or fourth priority. It feels selfish but goddamn it his siblings are fine now! Can somethings be about him again?!

Maybe Raf just suffers in silence, not vocalizing his wants out of fear of coming off as selfish.

Or alternatively if he can’t get attention using normal methods he’ll start lashing out and causing trouble to get attention. Talking back to his parents, brushing off Bee when he wants to go for a drive, even breaking one of Ratchet’s tool (something he immediately regretted)

Eventually when he’s finally confronted on what in Primus’s name is going on with him he just starts sobbing and yelling at them that them JUST noticing there was a problem with his IS the problem

I JUST WOKE UP WHY Y'ALL GOTTA HAVE MY CRYING NOW--

It was Smokescreen and, unexpectedly?

Sideswipe who came in and talked to Raf.

Both talked about their experiences in feeling left out, not listened to and at times, not belonging in heir respective families.

Sure their families loved them greatly, but at the same time...

They got it. They understood that feeling ,the sensation of being able to get a word in, second ,third, or fourth in the priority list of things in life.

And it was while both explained this, and that Raf didn't need to lash out to be heard, that the most unexpected thing happened.

Megatron, who respected Raf's uneasy reaction to his appearance and more, came to humbly speak.

He spoke of how, in lashing out to Orion, to everyone he had ever once had close to him...Megatron also lost everyone around him.

And now here he was, centuries later, barely patching things up with the ones he once held close.

He just wanted to let Raf know, that feeling inferior happens but only if you let it.

With that, he made his way out, while Smoke and Sides continued their own respective talks with Raf.

A lot of good points were made, not least of which was:

Raf did not need to be loud to be heard.

He only needed to ask.

Sure ,right now things were going to be shaken up while Jack was counseled and Miko recovered...but that did not mean Rafael was not a priority.

Because he always, always was the first one, and the one they worried for the most.

[franciskirkland]

so i have finally had it this time. not posting for attention but screaming into the void bc its all i can do. please don't click read more unless you're willing to hear some deeply gnarly/personal stuff. and please don't unfollow just bc you didn't heed my warning. this is a personal blog and there's a real live human woman behind the deranged hetaliaposting.

i now know for sure that i intend on ending my marriage. i can't leave yet, but i need to start planning for it. im done. its not worth it.

our first wedding anniversary is in a few days. i have always had thoughts in the back of my mind about us not lasting, but i didnt think it'd end like this, so soon. im embarrassed frankly.

we have had our share of problems both major and minor. but the final straw is that my husband has more or less assaulted me.

so there are more details below but i've been pretty sex repulsed (by irl sex) for the past... 10 months or so? we are not completely sexless but it's usually coercive, with my husband guilt tripping and pestering me for sex. usually i manage to get out of it, even if i do wake up to him rubbing up against me - that doesn't bother me too much.

but yesterday he was being particularly forceful and threatening me if i didn't start having sex with him again whenever he wanted. so he initiated the act. i kept saying no. no i cant. please stop. i dont want this. im gay. and he said no you're not. and he forced me to give him head while also grabbing my breasts and making me undress. i hate being naked. i nearly vomited. i feel disgusting and violated.

the thing is, that part about me being gay wasn't a joke or an excuse/defense. that was me refusing him. i have told him that i am attracted to women so many times and he doesnt even believe that's possible. like, that bisexuality is real. yeah. that hardly scratches the surface of his terrible beliefs and opinions. but i digress.

i don't know if i'm only sex-repulsed due to him getting me pregnant and the subsequent loss, (ruptured ectopic, almost died) which affected me permanently in a physical way and im undeniably also psychologically but i have yet to process that in its entirity.

i am definitely at least bisexual, if not gay. and possibly asexual/gray-ace or whatever. the only men i really feel attraction towards are fictional/purely ideas. seriously. i'm deeply affected by comphet. growing up i knew i was queer but i was also abused by many men as a teen so i guess i internalized it. somewhere down the road i also became really attracted to the idea of settling down and having a family. (i still am, but my priorities have changed the more i see older moms. im only 24, my friend didn't have her first until 34.)

anyway, regardless of my sexuality or lack thereof, aside from our numerous other problems (incompatible personalities, different ambitions, lack of common interests, him being an abusive controlling manbaby, overbearing MIL, living situation, etc.) i am repulsed by him and i cant be around him anymore. i hate him.

the mistakes i have made for/because of this relationship are of a devastating magnitude. i've burned a lotttt of bridges (not my mom, thank god) but with other family, friends and previous employers.

i'm a dummy. yeah. i'm not going to lie. i have invested almost 3 years and over $10k of hard-earned wages into moving to australia for a man who doesn't respect me. i have no income, no privacy, little irl support, because he's isolated me to the point where i'm not me anymore. the most i can hope for is to get a full time job, and/or write some more original stories and possibly get a book deal or self publish. it'll all go into a divorce fund. it'll likely take over a year before the prospect of leaving is financially viable. but i'm not even sure where to go from there. the economy is a disaster in america too.

i would really appreciate some company, i don't necessarily want to discuss what happened but it'd be nice to have someone to talk to as i navigate this. i love you all my friends and followers and readers <3

[jd-205]

Yaz Şarkısı

episodes 1 + 2

thoughts below (including spoilers)

overall i liked it, i liked it a lot actually

i appreciate how they took the "comedy" in romcom seriously, i laughed a lot during the first two episodes, A LOT (for example the falling scenes, the closet scenes, Yaz's mother in the company,...)

Nilsu is great as a comedy actress, Yaz was fun and joy to watch

i loved that Kemal saw right through the fake facade of Aslı, i wanted to scream in joy during that scene, someone didn't believe the fake person from the very beginning, hooray !!!

after actually watching also the 2nd ep i understood the YazMur fever on twitter and youtube, i gotta admit i like Yaz and Murat together and i wouldn't mind if they actually became the main couple! I see a spark there and it could work really well imho.

i just wish they don't turn Murat into the bad guy if they make YazKem a thing, i hate that 90% of all rejected second leads that begin as sincere and kind guys turn into awful assholes..., like... all the time... LET'S BREAK THE CYCLE!

I hope Yaz's aunt will make peace with her appearance and improve her self-esteem, she's not bad looking person at all

I didn't like ❌

i hate Aslı so much, so so so much, i really hate these kind of fake people

I didn't like Yaz's mother... I mean, shouldn't be the happiness of a child number one priority for all parents? I really didn't like her approach at all in general. She should respect her daughter's decisions and dreams and support her. Or at least listen to her without pointing a gun at anyone........

i didn't like Murat's mother either lmao, she seems as a really superficial person, but at least it looks like she supports her son no matter what, so she gets a plus for being good parent (at least i hope so)

poor Kemal and his disfunctional relationship with his father

I expected to see more of the filming, kinda disappointed me

Maybe I'm wrong, but i don't remember Yaz actually agreeing to the duet with Kemal... she always said no and then out of nowhere she stars in the music video

i feel like both Mustafa and Nilsu overplayed in a couple of scenes, not a huge deal though

i feel like Nilsu can't really dance... İ don't mean it in a bad way but both in her dream sequence in ep 1 and during filming of the music video in ep 2 she seemed a bit off compared to Mustafa and the backup dancers

Final thought

I actually liked and enjoyed both episodes so I'll stick around and will continue with this dizi to see how it unfolds.

[lawyerserving456]

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[erm-whatthefartscallop]

Conference convention

I’m paranoid of Google docs deleting my work or logging me out, so I’m posting this unfinished 😔 idk if u want more ?

warnings: slight mentions of nsfw

“Zelda?”

“Tenya?!”

They both smiled at each other as they stood a distance from one another. Slowly began to make way to the other.

“Wh-what are you doing here?” He said in amazement, all his feelings for her rushing back and hitting him like one thousand tons of bricks

“I, um, my company is here, and I’m head of the gadget and technologies department…it’s been a while..” her eyes looked up at him with such feeling

“Yes…” he muttered, mesmerized at how she looks

It stayed quiet for a moment 

“Did you maybe want to grab a drink after the conference?”

“I’d love that…” she said with a blush

People began to crowd the hall, and the two followed the group into the conference room. They stayed shoulder to shoulder before splitting up to sit next to their respective companies. They took a seat across from each other and kept stealing glances of one another when someone else spoke—but when Iida would speak he would purposefully make eye contact with her. It was subtle, but enough for her to notice, she would look up at him with a look of desire—almost doe like. Which would make him stammer on his words, his thoughts wandering into somewhere else. It was bad that he wanted her in such a moment like this. He wanted the two of them to be alone, to take out all his pent up sexual frustration that’s been building up over the years—it was bad that he missed her so much to the point where he just wanted to bend her over the table and fuck her relentlessly at this moment. One thing he was proud of himself was having self control, but how long can he hold out. 

After the conference finally ended, it was brief when they stopped each other, his hand placed gently on her shoulder. She looked up at him, “I’ll be waiting for you at the bar…” she mouthed. He blushed as he gave an understanding nod. She left the room and glanced at him over her shoulder, and he looked back at her. 

He closed the door as he moved onto his other meeting. He couldn’t stop thinking about her, needless to say he was in daze to say the least, and his assistant noticed this. Which prompted the question afterwards, “do you know her?” His assistant asked with a raised eyebrow. 

“Who?” Iida said as he took a sip of his water.

“You know, the one that you seem to can’t stop thinking about” they teased.

 Iida nearly spat out his drink from the comment. He cleared his throat

“Well…” he paused, “yes, we went to high school together” he said with a stern voice trying to maintain his professional image.

His assistant wasn’t satisfied with the answer, they knew there was something more.

“That’s it?” Clearly not satisfied 

“Well…we used to be together, but we graduated and lost touch…we were on two different paths”

…

“We can’t be together anymore” he said bluntly 

“Wh-what?” She stammered, “what do you mean?”

“I think we should split ways as we are going in different fields…” he muttered 

“Tenya, you can’t be serious?!” She nervously laughed out

“Zelda, please I want to make this hurt less..” he said with a sigh, it already pained him to break it off with her, he didn’t want to look at her cry, but it was too late as tears welled up in her eyes.

“Bu-but I thought…” she paused as a tear ran down her cheek. She looked away from him, “you can’t make this not hurt, you are my first everything…” she sobbed out. His eyes blinked as he fought back tears, already hearing her voice quivering made him want to take back his words. He loves her more than anything in this world, but focusing on his family’s legacy is his priority. 

“I knew you would do this, you were always a family person. And you look up to your brother…I don’t know what I expected. Maybe if I loved you hard enough that we would be in each other’s futures.” She said harshly, “I guess not..” she wiped her nose, he took a breath in to talk but she spoke over him, “get out. I don’t want to see you. That’s what will make this hurt less” her voice strained as she fought back her sobs. He complied with her words, glancing over his shoulder to take one final look at her. She didn’t even bother to watch him leave.

…

“Then how did you both end up here?”

Iida stood silent for a moment, he felt guilt.

“Can we talk about work..” Iida huffed out, but as soon as his assistant started to talk about work their voice began to sound muffled as Iida began to get lost in his thoughts, why didn’t we stay together? We are both here, obviously we are on the same path. Why did we stop talking

…

…..

It’s because I always prioritize my position, I’m so stupid…what if she moved on, I can’t treat her right. Not now, not even in high school…she deserves better.

As soon as his meeting ended he began to make way to the bar, and there she sat. Sitting elegantly, her hand toying with her glass. She kept her head down as she tucked back a stray strand of hair. He could stare at her for hours, but he just wanted to talk again. Slowly, he began to walk up.

“Yoshioka…” he whispered out

She looked up to meet face to face, she smiled admiring how much he’s changed, but yet still looks the same. He took a seat next to her and called over the bartender to order himself a drink.

“Iida, it’s so nice to see you again…I know you’ve probably been busy with being top 10, and all” 

He chuckled as he gave a small smile

 “maybe a tad busy…and how about you? Head of the most important part of a company is not such a small feat” he praised

“Thank you, but I think it was mostly luck…but enough about work, how have you been?” She easily prepared herself to hear he had a lover, as she would be saddened by it she would still be happy for him.

“I’ve been okay, all I know is work now, I don’t get much free time nowadays…” he said as he took a small sip of his drink

She hummed at his answer

“What about you?” He said with a gentle tone, but he would dread to hear if she mentioned a significant other…

“I can say the same, I just work and go home. I don’t really have anything special, or anyone..” she slightly joked out

Tenya felt relieved, “I understand, as I am also in the same predicament.” (🤓☝️)He replied.

Quickly the tension shifted, now that they are both aware of each other's relationship status. Iida’s phone rang, it was his assistant, he huffed as he excused himself, she understood.

“Yes?” He said with a slight annoyance 

“Iida, sir. I’m just letting you know they canceled the meetings tomorrow and rescheduled them for 10th instead, so you’ll have to stay an extra two days here, I apologize” they said with caution 

“Th-that’s fine, I’ll do someone, I mean SOMETHING to keep myself busy” he said with urgency to cover up his slip up. “Thank you for telling me I’ll see you in a couple of days” Iida hung up.

The assistant looked at their phone and smiled, “he deserves it…” content with the response, they knew Iida needed a break, and something like this would make him happy.

Iida made way back to Zelda and took his seat once again, “sorry” 

“It’s okay, I know you’re busy..”

“Well as of tonight and tomorrow night I am not” he said with a slight laugh

“Oh fun! What will you be doing with this newfound free time” she beamed

“Maybe just spend time catching up with you, if you’d let me…” his voice sounded so innocent 

She blushed, “if I have the time” she joked once more, he moved closer to her and placed his large hand on her thigh, his thumb caressing her plush clothed skin. She bit her lip and looked away from him, “Iida…I don’t know, what if som-“

He shook his head, “I could care less about that, I’ve missed you so much, I miss everything about you…” he whispered, slowly inching closer to her lips, only to speak again, “I’ve been craving you for so long, Zelda” 

It sent shivers down her spine, and made her core ache. She pushed herself away from him, and straightened herself out, “I think I’ll call it a night…” She got up from the chair, and took Iida’s hand, “it was nice to see you again, Iida..” she said with a small smile, shaking his hand. She walked away, soon disappearing as she rounded the corner. Iida looked down to his hand and saw it. Her room key. He smiled a bit as he finished the rest of his drink, paying for his and hers. He tucked the key into his pocket. And fixed his tie as he began to make way to her room.

The halls weren’t as crowded, as it was getting late already, but unfortunately he ran into some people. Other pro-heros, fans, reporters—he didn’t mean to be so hasty, but he really just wanted one thing. Finally he walked down the hall, looking at the numbers finally reaching her door. He looked around knowing people would talk if people knew he was entering a room that wasn’t his. She kept looking at her clock, and the door. When she got to her room earlier, the first thing she did was freshen up, she didn’t want to risk changing her clothes so she left it as is. Zelda thought of something to do while she waited. Her head turned to the sliding door

The balcony…

By the time he entered the room Zelda was on the balcony, he saw her and came to join her. It was a nice breeze, and a gorgeous view as the sky was already dark with stars and under it was the beauty of city nights. They both leaned against the barrier, it was silent for a moment until she took a deep breath in, “I’m really glad to see you again…” she muttered

“Me too, I never once stopped thinking about you, and I feel bad for how-“

“It was the past, we changed. Don’t dwell much on it, Tenya…” she said with a small laugh. He frowned a little, and turned to face her. 

“Zelda, please just let me say this…I really am sorry for how it ended, I said some things that were hurtful, so it would be easier to part ways..” she sighed, and looked up at him. “I felt unimportant and bottled up my feelings about it, but we were young…I mean granted we still are, but definitely matured more throughout the years…so I can admit my wrongs then, if I spoke up maybe, we might have worked, but maybe it was good that we parted ways…” she paused,”although,  I often think about how I said those things—but what could you expect out a heartbroken teenager..” she giggled a bit.

“No no it’s okay, it all seems vague now with how much time pass, and yet I’m still here standing with you.” He stood straight and looked over to her, they gave each other a soft smile,

“Almost fated to meet again years later!” She slightly joked. 

He chuckled from amusement, “all I know now is that I missed you so much, and my feelings for you never changed..” he moved his hand to cup her cheek. “No other person can ever amount to what you are to me. I’ll love you forever and always, Zelda…” his tone was hushed and sweet. His words made tears well up in her eyes, she hugged him, her face digging into his chest. She took a deep inhale, and spoke. “I really…want to kiss you..” she said intermittently, slightly muffled. 

“I do too…” he admitted

[charcherry-weekly]

Charcherry Weekly - Issue 148

Its another week it seems. This is Mage of Light Nick Card and we've got a doozy of an event to cover this time around.

This week of course was the week of the Korosian presidential debate at Snake's Mouth. This would be an event featuring the opinions and policies of the two main candidates, Heir of Time Thoren Emit and Page of Void Dylan. It ended up being rescheduled to wednesday nearly last minute, the reasoning being that Dylan caught the time flu and wouldn't be able to stand in front of an audience on thursday, though wednesday was forecasted as being just fine for him. This was chalked up to the strain of time flu being of the occasionally shifting variety. Apparently time player Jorell of the jojo squad also caught the time flu, though it is unknown which direction the virus has spread from first, if that even matters with a time flu.

In mostly unrelated news, an unknown submariner has recently discovered an underwater city off the coast of Snake's Mouth, tentatively being called "Squidlantis". Reportedly, it is home to "squidfolk", a squid-like people who had been driven out of temporic reach hundreds of years ago, during the Grand Hunt of 249.

On Wednesday, the debate was held, and both major candidates showed up in-person. A number of the dungeon crashers also were present in the crowd. Most others simply watched it all on tv. A few topics were discussed, listed below.

Policy questions:

Currency issues-- Thoren: Encourage the adoption of the Credit, with an intermediate boondollar exchange program to avoid sudden economic collapse Dylan: Devaluation of all current currencies with the friendcoin instated as the official legal tender (Note: Friendcoin is a voidco cryptocurrency which has crashed in the past)

Labor-- Thoren: Encourages worker's rights and collaboration with unions Dylan: Prefers defined revenue quotas

The Legacy of Chronos-- Thoren: Examination of the old ways, keeping the good while changing the "ill-intentioned" Dylan: No changes expected, retains respect for the rich history

Child Labor-- Thoren: Advocates for responsible age limits Dylan: Denies the existence of child labor (even if he technically had at least one child slave on record)

Taxes-- Thoren: Wants to implement a sliding scale income tax based on percentages, an emphasis on avoiding hardship to taxpayers Dylan: would apply a sales tax to sold products

Natural Resources-- Thoren: Ordinary planting programs beyond grand nursery and incremental retrieval of reckoning-era seas via time travel Dylan: Wants to import resources from elsewhere using his own company

Squidfolk-- Thoren: Plans on reaching out to the Squidfolk in hopes of peace and reconciliation after centuries of separation Dylan: Has already contacted the Squidfolk and have promised them equal citizenship in return for their support (journalist's note: I do wonder if this is meant to sound so conditional the way its worded here)

Place of Residence during term-- Thoren: Will maintain a physical office location, visited when possible (how much this will be possible is unknown) Dylan: Feels no need to relocate, will likely stay based in the furthest ring

Maintenance of historical sites-- Thoren: Plans on granting protection to publicly recognized historical sites and hiring restoration experts via public funding Dylan: Plans on paying for restoration via general admission fees at each site

Encouragement of Repopulation-- Thoren: Plans to seek out ectobiology equipment after more resources are made available to the public, with an adoption program in place Dylan: stance unknown, dodged the question by complaining about potential objections over ectobiology

Support of foster children-- Thoren: Adoption program will involve an interview process and case workers, with a priority on child welfare Dylan: Dodged the question with the following statement: "If a family can't support children, then they shouldn't have gotten them in the first place."

Plans for Reconnecting with space-faring temporics-- Thoren: Will consider if this is publicly desired Dylan: No plans whatsoever

...Murder?-- Thoren: Illegal, with a focus on due process and representation to avoid false accusations Dylan: Illegal, with a number of loopholes and lawful avenues for excusing death under specific circumstances, supports capital punishment as well.

After this point, it was revealed publicly that Dylan had hired the poor 4 to assassinate Thoren, and Prince of Time Flux Emit showed a great deal of incriminating recorded footage on the big screen. Johnny made claims on Dylan's behalf, claiming that voidco was framed for most of the incidents in the footage. This didn't help all that much for Dylan's case. Soon after, Dylan had an epic breakdown and screeched for at least an entire minute. The massive tv screen threatened to fall, but Flux was able to undo the tv before it could fall, making it disassemble completely! It was at this point that the crowds were largely evacuated from the area. Dylan eventually left with Johnny, back into the shadows, but not before sneezing on him, and then sneezing towards Thoren. With that, Thoren made a final statement and concluded the debate. Thoren immediately took decontamination measures, just in case of contagion. They have thankfully not shown any sign of sickness.

With the end of the debate came the opening of the week long voting period, which will continue until wednesday night. Voting is handled by the archival terminals, located in every major settlement. Reportedly one has also been sent to "Squidlantis" recently, involving some amount of time travel. It is assumed that the visitation of that city will take place technically long after the voting period, as a result of the timeloop involved in the delivery of the final terminal.

In more mundane news, KAZ used the replicator to replicate some eyeballs, which promptly freaked him out upon replication. The eyeballs were taken by Brae Emit, who then sent them to Page of Mind Samm, who had requested the eyeballs in the first place.

Heir of Time Rise Emit returned home from the Hisui region in tears after a mission involving an orphaned growlithe hit too close to home. It is unknown when they will return to finish the mission, but it is assumed that it will need to be addressed eventually to solve the problems of the Cobalt Coastlands.

Bounty hunter Samus Kitten was briefly hospitalized after consuming her weight in oranges. She was discharged from the hospital later that same day.

It was later discovered that Plit Survivor Kale had not known how to operate a tv during his long stay at the same hospital, and was promptly given a tutorial and a list of interesting channels to watch. Rogue of Heart Charles, in the room right next to Kale's, has stated that it would be best if all refugees were given proper technological instructions upon arrival, as many of them come from places where many of the common technologies used here are not used where they came from. This week’s known market stands in Desertia Town:

Katie’s potion stand (*CaFAI filling in for Katie when unavailable)

shinyjiggly pokesnacks stand (ran by Rufus)

That should do it. I got tired and had to sleep halfway through writing, but at least I got my sleep. Work is progressing on the flash animation, but is going slow. Hopefully I can get back into gear soon. https://letssosl.boards.net/thread/380/charcherry-weekly-issue-148

[yessadirichards]

Executive Impact

Data-based engagement: Alyssa Kimura challenges corporate norms

TOKYO

When it comes to creating the optimum workplace culture, companies must realize one thing: they can’t just guess. Everything is based on data.

That’s what Japanese serial entrepreneur Yumi Alyssa Kimura told The ACCJ Journal when asked how to shape a work environ­ment that is equitable, diverse, and fully engages employees.

Kimura is the co-founder and chief executive officer of LEAD, a San Francisco-based human resources tech (HRTech) startup. The company’s online, desktop, and mobile services match employees to each other based on their interests, mentorship needs, and desire to connect with co-workers across the company.

The artificial intelligence-enabled platform also allows HR managers to aggregate and map out data, including that which shows employee behavioral patterns and company demographics. Such information can inform the company’s diversity strategies, change management goals, and employee career aims.

The upshot for employees is increased communication and engagement with co-workers, realization of personal goals, and greater job satisfaction.

Companies, meanwhile, benefit from a better understanding of the organization as a whole, not to mention the needs and aspirations of groups and individuals. Increased innovation and competitiveness—as well as growth in the bottom line—are also expected outcomes of using the platform.

“Employee engagement is not just about measurement such as people analytics, but also about letting employees talk to each other by building connections between teams,” Kimura said. “If more and more companies do that, then they will have a more open culture.”

Employee Engagement

Kimura may be onto something. Multinational consulting com­pany Ernst and Young (EY) found in their 2019 EY Belonging Barometer study that employees who enjoy a sense of belonging are more productive, motivated, and engaged.

The research has four key findings:

Diversity and belonging are workplace expectations, with 56 percent of respondents saying they felt they belonged when they were trusted and respected at work.

Regular check-ins between co-workers prevented people from checking out, with check-ins taking priority over actions such as public recognition (23 percent), being invited to off-site events (20 percent), and being invited to join a meeting with senior managers (14 percent).

The majority of women felt that exclusion from partici­pating in workplace activities was a form of bullying; the opposite was the case for men.

Of Millennials, 48 percent were least likely to feel that exclusion is a form of bullying, compared with 46 percent of Gen Xers and 44 percent of Baby Boomers.

When asked what emotion they feel when excluded at work, 40 percent across genders and generations said they were likely to feel ignored; 26 percent of men said they feel stressed and 28 percent of women said they feel sad when they are ignored.

Personal Knowledge

Kimura has experienced many of the workplace dynamics that EY’s report highlighted. Indeed, it was due in part to such experiences at a tech startup and in the recruitment industry that she felt the need to found LEAD.

Back in 2016, when she lived in San Francisco, Kimura was tapped as the Japan country manager for Chinese telecommuni­cations company Meitu Inc.

“I built Meitu Japan from scratch, including hiring my own people and increasing the company’s BeautyPlus product to more than 20 million users in Japan,” Kimura recalls.

She also led Meitu’s partnerships with large corporations in Japan, including with major telecoms and media companies. During the same period, Meitu listed on the Hong Kong Stock Exchange.

Before Meitu, she had a stint working as an HR consultant in Tokyo for the Tardis Group and Hays Plc. Both are human-capital consultancies.

During her time at the tech startup and the HR companies, she interviewed some 3,000 professionals and new recruits about their careers. That experience was instructive, feeding directly into the workplace challenges she would later wish to solve at LEAD.

Workplace Disparity

Meitu had a higher turnover rate in the global business compared with the Japan division, Kimura said.

“In Japan, we had zero turnover for more than a year,” she recalls. “The reason was that we managed our staff differently, because most of our employees back then were pretty young.”

Meitu’s Japan operation had a culture that prioritized mentor­ship, communication, and friendship among co-workers, and emphasized hitting key performance indicators (KPIs).

The result was mass adoption of the company’s main products across Japan—as well as high employee job satisfaction, engage­ment, and retention.

When Kimura consulted in the HR industry, one of her areas of focus was recruiting professionals in the fast-moving consumer goods market.

In that sector, the disparity in pay between female and male brand managers shocked her: women typically were paid salaries of $50,000–60,000, compared with $50,000–300,000 for men.

“That’s really crazy. And that’s one of the reasons that drove me to the United States—the gap was so huge. I decided that I couldn’t work in a country and live in an environment where I knew that the glass ceiling for women is around 50K, no matter how talented you are.”

Startup DNA

Kimura is an alumna of Kwansei Gakuin University, in Hyogo Prefecture, where she majored in law, and the Wharton School of the University of Pennsylvania, where her focus was HR management and analytics.

Her knack for entrepreneurship goes back to high school, however, when she lived in Shanghai. Kimura consulted for a real estate agency, a tour guide company, and a talent sourcing company in Beijing between 2005 and 2007.

Before becoming Japan country manager at Meitu, she co-founded Spinnaker Partners Inc., the Silicon Valley-based arm of a Tokyo-established venture capital consultancy.

Later, in 2017, she co-founded LEAD. Earlier this year, the company graduated from the Alchemist Accelerator, a San Francisco-based startup incubator. But the venture-capital-backed company is not the only startup in the HRTech field.

People Analytics

At LEAD, Kimura’s goal is to solve many of the work-based challenges that she encountered in the United States and Japan—and that have been identified in studies.

The company’s solutions cover six main areas:

Employee matching

Mentoring

Personal surveys

Workplace culture building

Company KPIs

Behavioral insights design toolkit

A key goal of the platform is to provide insights into employee behavior—a field of research in which the results are often counterintuitive.

“For example, if you have 30 percent of female employees in the sales department that want mentors, HR is going to think they need mentorship to increase their sales performance,” Kimura said.

However, using behavior data, she showed that about five percent wanted to meet with engineers instead. The same number wanted to meet with product managers and co-workers in finance. How is that?

“Some of them wanted to change their career path. That’s why they were meeting with people from different departments—and doing so constantly.”

An outcome of such surprising choices in mentorship or lunch partnerships is that a person in sales, for instance, may want to begin a course on computer programming based on conversations with someone in the IT division.

Those kinds of surprising outcomes can only be captured through behavioral insights, Kimura said.

Turnover is another area in which such arguably surprising insights are valuable.

“Pay is actually not a big issue when looking at why most people quit,” Kimura pointed out. “Most of them leave because of co-workers, stress, lack of promotion, job dissatisfaction, and a nega­tive relationship with the supervisor.”

Global Platform

LEAD has come a long way since it first iteration—the business-to-business platform was originally a peer-to-peer social network to connect women to mentors.

Today, it seeks to support the aspirations and interests of workers from all walks of life and demographics, and to provide companies with the tools and insights needed to realize the company’s goals.

“To change the corporate culture in Japan and abroad, we need more women role models, to show that women can become more successful,” Kimura said. “But it’s not just about women. Each individual has their own talent, and the company should treat them all as equals, and give them the opportunities to execute their abilities so that they can grow.”

[mt-musings]

Bluebell

Chapter 46

After being abruptly transferred to the BAU at what she suspects was Gideon's request, Cassie Boann struggles to find her footing. Shy and solitary by nature, the transition is made all the more difficult when Dr. Spencer Reid seems to take an almost immediate dislike to her. Unfortunately for them both, their respective areas of expertise leave them paired off more often than not. But when Cassie's past literally starts hunting her, Spencer is forced to consider that he might, in fact, not hate her at all.

Quite the opposite, actually.

Spencer Reid x OC

Warnings: Canon typical violence, kidnapping, stalking, drug use, blood, injury, death, PTSD, eventual smut, more tags to be added

Series Masterlist

Read on AO3

46. Exit Music

Cassie wasn’t Cassie—or at least, hadn’t always been. That was a shock, but nothing compared to the revelation that her parents’ killer, her torturer was still out there, still killing, still tormenting her and he hadn’t had the faintest clue. He didn’t even know her parents’ killer was still out there—hadn’t even asked.

How had he never asked? How could he be a profiler and had never seen?

He’d laughed at her when she’d jammed the kitchen chair under the knob of his front door, acquiesced with bemusement to her insistence on upgrading and adding locks to it, to checking the window locks even though he was on the second floor. He’d written it off as hyper vigilance, as PTSD, as something harmless that helped her to feel she had control. He’d been annoyed at first, then worried by her constant over-training, by how much she pushed herself, writing it off, again, as a stress response.

He’d thought he’d finally gotten to know her, that he did know her, and maybe he did, more than most, but he was still left with so many more questions than answers. 

How long had she been in Witsec? Was she still in the program? Why was Cassie working her case alone, why hadn’t anyone from the Bureau made it a priority if whoever it was was still out there, actively killing? 

How had they failed her so badly that she felt like she had to do it all on her own?

If she’d been in Witsec, they should have been taking care of her, she should have been safe, should have felt safe—there should have been someone looking after her. She’d been a little kid, after all, a little kid who had just lost her parents and her home. 

Frank must have brought up all those feelings of being unsafe, of being hunted—he wished she’d just let him pick her up from the train station. 

He wished there was a book that could tell him what to do, how to help. He wanted her to believe him when he said he was here for the ride, that he wasn’t going anywhere, that she could depend on him. He wanted her to trust him, wanted her to stop feeling like she had to hide everything from him, that she had to protect him from her life. He understood that she wanted to feel normal, that she didn’t want people to feel bad for her—but couldn’t she understand that he wanted to help, not out of pity, but because he loved her?

He leaned back on the couch, staring at the ceiling. He kept hoping the right words would come to him, some magic revelation that would make everything better, but it didn’t come. Instead he just stared until his eyes grew heavy, turning over options for what ‘Bebe’ could have been a nickname for. 

---

Cassie sat on the edge of the reflecting pool, finishing off the last of the fifth she’d bought forty minutes ago from one of the few corner stores still open. She’d dropped Gideon off at a hotel and asked if he wanted company but he’d just shook his head and said he wanted to sleep. She’d nodded, paying for the next week of his stay at the check in counter before returning the rental car and hoping on the Metro. She’d had half a mind to take it all the way up to Van Ness but she’d fought the impulse. She wasn’t sure she was up to answering any more questions at the moment.

She still felt shaky from her earlier admission, like she was about to rattle out of her skin. She’d told Spencer she wasn’t Cassie Boann, that Cassie Boann wasn’t real. She hadn’t even have the guts to tell him her birth name, couldn’t even force it through her lips. 

She’d told Gideon all those months ago that Bebe was dead and they were all stuck with what was left, and she’d been right—Bebe, the happy, precocious child had died long before, with both of her parents in their cabin, had bleed out into the unsealed pine boards. 

It was Bluebell who had survived, who’d climbed out the window and disappeared out into the Montana wilderness, betting that Gideon would ensure someone got there in time to save them. Bluebell who had bet wrong, who had been pulled out of the woods alone and half-dead, Bluebell that had received every bouquet, every vertebrae, every backhanded card. It was Bluebell that had run and hid, Bluebell that had spent every free hour studying or training. Bluebell that spent seven years elbow deep in corpses in the hope that she could find something, a name, a clue, anything. Bluebell that had gotten rejected and rejected from the Academy until they finally let her in, Bluebell that spent hours after classes ended in the shooting range until she could hit a quarter from 200 yards, Bluebell that had taken every extra hand-to-hand training the Bureau offered. It was Bluebell that spent her nights in the Smithsonian looking for clues, looking for more victims, more red to add to her ledger. Bluebell was tortured by the nightmares, Bluebell that spent the early mornings under freezing cold showers, Bluebell that oscillated between coffee to keep herself awake and alcohol to knock herself out. 

It was Bluebell that had failed and failed and failed and failed, Bluebell that had a body count more prolific than David Berkowitz and Richard Ramirez combined. It was that Bluebell that couldn’t close the fucking case, no matter what she did, no matter what she learned, no matter how deep she looked, how much she studied, how much she trained. Bluebell that couldn’t save anyone, except herself—and she wasn’t even sure she’d even managed that. 

She hated Bluebell.

She thought back to Miranda Stevens, who’d been mutilated and murdered, just to get under Gideon’s skin, Miranda Stevens who had no connection to the BAU, who had simply had the misfortune of babysitting the wrong neighbor. 

She had the blood of twenty-three girls just like Miranda Stevens on her hands, along with that of her mother and father. Girls that had had hope and dreams and friends and family and whole lives before they’d had the misfortune of running across Hadeon. Lives that were stripped away from them in the most brutal manner possible just because they resembled her. 

She lay back, staring up at the sky. There were no stars to see, drowned out by the city lights. The darkness just made everything feel more claustrophobic, like just beyond the light there was something just waiting to devour her. 

She remembered when she’d reveled in the darkness, in the mystery, the magic of it, so much so that her father had painted all her childhood ceilings with swirling constellations. 

Now it only felt like another danger. 

She wiped at her face with her sleeve, trying to remove the evidence of the tear tracks running down her cheeks. She wished she’d bought more gin—she knew she could go buy more, or better yet, go home and drink in the seclusion of her own apartment instead of loitering on a national monument—but she didn’t want to move, didn’t want to put herself back together enough to make the walk. 

No, all she really wanted to do right now was lay on the concrete and feel sorry for herself. 

She knew what the right thing to do was—she’d known it since she’d stepped into Gideon’s apartment and seen Sarah lying dead and mutilated on his bed.

She couldn’t date Spencer. Not when she had a deranged psychopath after her. Not when she was sure he’d love to get his hands on him, send her Spencer’s spine in a box covered in bluebells. 

Not when she loved him, so much it made her feel like her heart would explode out of her chest. 

She’d been selfish and stupid to let it get this far—a complete idiot for allowing him to get close in the first place. She’d fallen for her own lie, her own mask—she really believed, for a handful of months, that she could be just Cassie, that she didn’t have to be alone anymore, that she could let someone in. She’d ignored every instinct, every lick of common sense, put him in such terrible danger, and for what? She wasn’t worth it, would never be worth it—not when Spencer deserved the world, deserved someone who would hang the stars for him. 

She wished more than anything she could be that person, that she could at least try without putting his life at risk. 

Maybe if she put in for a transfer it would be easier. CASMIRC was two floors down—at least then she wouldn’t have to see him every day, watch him get over her, fall in love with someone worthy of him, watch him have the perfect life he deserved without her. She wanted him to be happy, wanted him to have everything he’d ever wanted—but she didn’t think she could bear to watch him get it. 

She wouldn’t let Spencer become another casualty of her life, wouldn’t let her nightmare of an existence consume him too. 

Even if it killed her. 

She got up and threw the empty bottle in the nearest trash can, the shattering of the cheap glass steeling something in her. She stumbled towards the Red Line, trying not to think about what she had to do next. 

---

Spencer looked up at the sound of knocking on his front door.

He hadn’t meant to fall asleep on the couch. He glanced at the clock on the bookshelf—it was nearly three in the morning. He crossed to the door and swung it open, eyes widening as he saw the figure on the other side. 

Cassie stood on the other side of the door, hair wild, clothes covered in dust and dirt. Her face was tear-streaked, her eyes puffy and bloodshot. She reeked of gin and the knuckles of her left hand were white from how hard she was pressing her nails into her hand. 

“Oh god, Cass, what happened? Are you okay?” He asked, pulling her into the apartment and examining her for injuries. She pulled away as the door shut, wrapping her arms around herself as if holding herself physically together.

“Please don’t, Spence. I—I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.” Her words were slightly slurred, though for the smell he suspected it should be worse. It made him think she had a high tolerance, something that he knew would have to be built up over years. 

Another thing he hadn’t noticed. 

“I don’t—I don’t understand.”

“I can’t—We can’t—We can’t do this anymore. We can’t. I’m sorry—“

“Cass, you need to slow down, you’re not making any sense. Just sit down and let me get you some water and tell me what happened.”

“No—no, I have to go, I just can’t—“ she said, turning back to the door. He grabbed her arm before she could grab the door knob.

“Absolutely not. It’s three in the morning and you’re drunk, Cass. It’s not safe, and I’m not letting you.”

He hated to see the tears well up in her eyes, hated the way she tensed under his touch, but he knew she was in no shape to be traipsing through the city. He pulled her towards the kitchen and sat her down at the table, pouring her a glass of water and setting it down before he sat across from her. 

“Drink that, then explain what’s going on.”

She stared at him a moment before drinking half and setting the glass back down. She slunk down in her seat, tears slipping down her cheeks uninterrupted. 

“W-we need to break up,” she said finally, avoiding his gaze. He frowned, brows furrowed.

“Why the hell would we do that?”

“Because it’s for the best,” she said, dropping her face in her hands. “We need to break up and I’m going to put in for a transfer when we get back and we can just pretend like this n-never—“ the rest was lost in a wave of sobs as she curled in on herself, pulling her knees to her chest. Spencer felt his heart breaking, felt tears springing to his own eyes. 

“No,” he said without thinking, too taken aback by the whole thing. They were happy, he knew they were happy. “This is about Sarah, isn’t it?”

Her only response was to cry harder. It was, then. So that meant she was worried about the same happening to him, that she was doing this in some sort of twisted way of protecting him, that it wasn’t just anxious attachment. 

It still made him angry. Angry that she didn’t seem to consider the fact that they would be stronger together, that it wasn’t a decision she got to make for him, that he didn’t care about the risk, that he too was a fully-qualified FBI agent. 

“We’re not breaking up, I don’t care about the risk, Cass. We’ll figure it out, we’ll catch him—“

“You don’t even know the risk, Spencer! You don’t, and you shouldn’t, because you deserve the world, and you deserve a happy, normal life—“

“And what about you, Cass? Why are you so hell-bent on being miserable and alone? Why can’t you just let me help—?”

“You saw what Frank did to her, right? You saw? He’s worse, Spencer—he’s worse!”

“That doesn’t mean you have to do this on your own!”

“It does! It does, because what if he comes after you? What if he—what if he hurts you because I’m too selfish to let you go—you need to let me Spencer, please. Please, just forget about me, about everything—“

“No. No, Cass, I’m not going to. This is ridiculous, you’re really drunk and we can talk about everything in the morning. I know you’re scared and everything with Frank made it worse, but this is not how we’re handling it.”

“You don’t understand—“

“I don’t. I don’t and I want to, because I want to know where you’re coming from, and I want to help you. I love you—I love you so much, and I’m not letting you slip away because you’re scared.”

“Spencer he’ll hurt you and it’ll be my fault.”

“He’s not going to hurt me, and it would never be your fault if he did.”

“Yes, it would—it’s always my fault. Every time, every year,” she said, nearing hysteria. “Every person he hurts, it’s all my fault—“

“It’s not, Cass. Remember what you told me about the couple in Georgia? If that wasn’t my fault, then whatever he does isn’t yours.”

“It’s not the same.”

“Why isn’t it the same?”

“Because.”

“That’s not a real answer.”

“It will destroy me if he hurts you,” she said, voice raw, looking up even though he knew she must be blinded by her tears. “I love you more than anything and the thought of what he’ll do to you because of it is—god, Spence. I c-can’t.”

“I don’t care what he might do, Cass! I love you and I’m not giving up on us because of what he might do.”

“That’s because you don’t know what he’ll do. You don’t know what it’s like and I’m trying to protect you—“

“I don’t want you to protect me! Not if it means I lose you.”

“This isn’t a joke, Spencer!”

“I’m not laughing!”

She glared at him, nostrils flared before peeling off her jacket, then her shirt. She pointed at a thick, livid scar along her collarbone.

“You know why this one’s different? Because he heated the knife on the stove before he cut me there—he said he liked the noises I made better when I burned. And here—this one he cut to the bone, to my ribs, and then he put his fingers inside me  to feel them and laugh. And this—“ she said, turning to show him perhaps the largest, singular scar on her body, perhaps six inches by six inches, on her right shoulder blade. “This is where he’d started to flay me, once he’d beat my dad into unconsciousness for the third time. He stopped, though, when I passed out, because he wanted me to be awake for it. He beat me with a hammer, Spencer—that’s why they had to reconstruct my hand. They had to fly me out to Seattle, because there wasn’t a surgeon in Montana capable of fixing what he did. But none of that is the worst part. He made us watch what he did to the others, and we couldn’t do anything to help. 

“He tortured me like he did because it was worse for my parents—worse for my father. He’d sit there, fighting his restraints, begging him to hurt him instead, to let me and my mom go. Begging him to kill him and let us go. I don’t remember what my father’s voice sounded like when he was tucking me in, or when he told my mother he loved her, or when he sang to me—I only remember the sound of it broken and begging and screaming. And when I ran—because I ran—he killed him, and my mom. And he keeps killing—“

“Cassie, none of that is your fault! It’s not, and it has nothing to do with us—“

“He sends me their bones, Spencer. He doesn’t even bother to clean all the blood off. Every person he’s killed since I escaped, he sends to me in a little white box with a ribbon. I’m not—I can’t have that happen to you.”

He stared at her with wide eyes, frozen, even as she turned away and pulled her shirt back on. 

He’d sent her their bones.

Those were the ‘gifts’ she’d meant, bloody, human remains, since she was nine years old. He suddenly had a horrifying flashback to all the times she’d brushed off his questions—Her face when he’d asked her how she’d gotten into forensics, the paper she’d been writing in the cafe about homicidal dismemberment and trophies, her perfectionism when it came to her dissertation, her face when she’d gotten back from Voron’kiv. 

It wasn’t just a dissertation, a case—it was her life. And the box she’d held during her defense, the box she’d carried with her for the deliberation and results—

He’d thought it was strange for her to carry one of the evidentiary samples into her defense, especially when she never specifically took it out for use in her presentation. Sure, it was the outlier in her sampling—the only male victim out of twenty three—but it seemed to serve no purpose, other than to be present for the discussion. 

She’d brought her father. 

He wanted to throw up, and cry, and scream, because he remembered how she’d cradled that box in her hands, remembered the way she’d looked down at it when Dr. Garvey had told her she’d passed. She’d invented a brand new identification technique, just to try and track down his killer. 

He stood and pulled her into a bone-crushing hug. She froze a moment before returning it, knotting her fingers in the back of his shirt, face buried in his chest. 

“Please, Spencer. I can’t lose you. Not like that. Please—“

“You won’t. I promise, Cass. I swear you won’t.”

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