#and this long damn thing represents my entire day

[physalian]

What No One Tells You About Writing #4 (100 Follower Special!)

Have you got any that deserve to be on these lists? Don’t be shy! Send ‘em over.

Part 1

Part 2

Part 3

*This list contains mentions of assault, #4

1. Zero cursing is better than censored cursing

I made the mistake in the early days of writing a self-censoring character, and every “curse” she said just took the teeth out of the rest of the statement. I’m talking gosh, darn, dang, etc, not world-specific idioms a la “scruffy nerf herder” or “dunderhead” instead of “dumbass”.

Look to any American TV show that so, so badly wants to use f*ck or sh*t but has to appease the sensitive conservatives who still somehow believe strong language is worse than graphic violence and horrifying psychological damage. For shame! Your characters can be angry without expletives, so rework your sentences to include equally damning insults that don’t resort to potty mouths if you’re concerned about ratings.

Or go full-throttle into the idioms of the world or the time period like Pirates of the Caribbean. Or just… don’t. There’s zero modern cursing in the Lord of the Rings adaptation and not a single sentence that censors itself. The dialogue is above vulgarity and feels more *fantastical* that way anyway.

2. “Yeah, you aren’t the target audience.”

It’s kind of hilarious seeing the range of reader reactions to two characters I intend to have a romantic relationship. Some will go “I ship it!” after the first page of them together… and another will go “wait, I thought they were just friends” up until they kiss. Sometimes you might be too subtle, other times it might be better to just accept that you can’t rewrite your entire book to please one naysayer.

When I’m pitched a fantasy adventure book that turns out to be a by-the-numbers romance where no one is allowed to be a peasant and every important character is royalty in some way, with a way cooler fantasy backdrop, I get severely disappointed. That doesn’t mean the book is bad, it just means I’m not the target audience.

3. There is no greater character sin than making them boring

Unless you live in the wacky world we find ourselves in where any flaws whatsoever are apparently harmful depictions of so-and-so and not at all written with things like ~nuance~. I will gush over your heinous villain committing atrocities because he’s *interesting*. I will not remember Bland Love Interest who’s a generic everyman with zero compelling or intriguing traits or flaws.

There’s another tumblr post out there that I cannot find that says something like this, and I believe the post goes “his crimes are fiction, my annoyance is real”. Swap annoyance for boredom and you get what I mean. So, I don’t care what your character does so long as they’re memorable. I will either root for their victory or their doom, but I do need *something* to root for.

4. The line between “gratuitous” and “respectful” is actually very thick

Less what no one tells *you* about writing and more what no one tells screenwriters. Y’all do realize you can write a character who experiences assault without actually writing the assault, right? Fade to black, have them mention it in their backstory, or have the horrific aftermath as they come to terms with it. An abrupt cut to this devastated character when it’s all over and they’re alone with themselves can be incredibly poignant and powerful. This goes with anything sensitive, especially if it’s not coming from experience.

If you want to write it or film it respectfully, romanticizing assault, for instance, is when it’s framed as if either character has earned or “deserves” it. If the narrative in any way argues that it's justified. The victim might have "earned" it for any of the BS reasons we use in the real world, or the perpetrator might've "earned" it because of temptation, desire, pressure to assert dominance, etc. Representation is important, but are you “representing” to shed light on a misunderstood and maligned topic, or are you doing it to satisfy a fetish or bias in yourself?

5. Don’t let your eyes get bigger than your stomach

Fantasy has no limitations, which means you can dig way deeper into the well of your worldbuilding than you realize, until you look up and realize you’re stuck down there. I have never seen a more obvious inevitable disaster looming than the pilot of GoT season 5. Why? Nobody has any plans. They’re all just led around by whatever side quest the writers throw them on, twiddling their thumbs until the writers deign to pull the trigger on the White Walkers.

To the point that what should be a major character can skip an entire season because his arc is meaningless. Everything in the last half of that show was one big “eventually” while the story toiled around in an ever-expanding cast of characters and set pieces (seriously, it’s hilarious how jarring the extended version of the theme music became compared to the pilot episode to fit all these locations).

When you have too many directionless characters, too many plot elements, too many ideas you want to fully mature and get their due spotlight and then somehow combine them all together for a common foe in the end, writing can get tedious and frustrating very quickly. Why, I imagine, the book series remains unfinished. Fantasy is great for being able to create such complex worlds, but don’t be the snake that eats its own tail trying too hard.

6. No one cares about your agenda if you insult them to push it

This deserves its own post but here we go. Peddling an agenda is a paradox: those who agree with you won’t need to be preached to, and those who you want to persuade will instead reject you further because they feel belittle and disrespected. This is why so many recent “strong female characters” fail on both sides of the aisle. Feminists see an annoying caricature of the movement they’re passionate about. Antifeminists see an insufferable, shallow, liberal mouthpiece when they just want to be entertained. You have failed both sides, congrats.

The answer? Write a strong, nuanced, well-developed character. Then make them a woman. I know this has been said before but this BS keeps happening so clearly the screenwriters aren’t listening. Entertain me first. Entertain me so well I don’t even realize I’m learning.

7. Today’s audiences won’t react the same way as tomorrow’s

Sometimes genres or tropes get oversaturated and need a few years to cool off before audiences are receptive to them again—teen dystopia, anyone?—that doesn’t mean your story is inherently bad because it’s unpopular (nor does it mean it’s amazing because it is popular).

You should always write the book you want to read, not the book that chases trends. I can pick up a well-written teen dystopia I’ve never read before and enjoy it. I can continue to ignore Divergent because it has nothing to say. Write the book you want to read, but then accept that you might make no money because no one else wants to read it, not because they think it’s bad. And, who knows? You might get a boom of chatter months or years down the line when readers stumble upon an uncut gem.

8. Your characters don’t age with you

Depending on how long you’ve been working on your world and what age you were when you started, the characters, concepts, morals, and story you set out to tell might no longer reflect who you want to be as an author when all is said and done. Writing can take years, some of which can be incredibly turbulent and life changing. I wrote the first draft of my first original novel in my freshman year of college. Those characters and that draft are now unrecognizable and has left a world I’ve poured my heart and soul into in limbo.

I’ve slowly creeped up my characters’ ages. My writing has matured dramatically. The themes I wanted to explore in the height of the 2016 election are just demoralizing now. That book was my therapeutic outlet and, as consequence, my characters sometimes reflect some awful moods and mindsets that I was in when writing them. But nothing in that world grows without me tending to it. It’s not alive. Despite all the work I’ve done, there’s still more to be done, maybe even restarting the plot from the ground up. When I think of what no one told me about writing, staring at characters designed by someone I’m not anymore is the hardest reality to accept.

—

If you think I missed something, check out parts 1-3 or toss your own hat into the ring. Give me romance tropes. Mystery, thriller, historical fiction, bildungsromans, memoires, children’s books, whatever you want! Give me stuff you wish you’d known before editing, publishing, marketing, and more. 

Also, don’t forget to vote in the dialogue poll!

[tteokdoroki]

𑊡˚+₊🍼✦ — yakuza!bakugou + katsuki bakugou.

૮ ͈>◡< ͈ა warnings — angst, fluff, sfw. bakugou leaves the yakuza for you and it hurts for him to realise how much he loves you. gn!reader.

katsuki bakugou never grovels. he never cries.

he can’t remember the last time he felt tears in his eyes. it must’ve been back when he was a kid, when his parents kicked him out and put him on the street— when the adults in his life failed him time and time again or when he’d gone so long without food he could barely lift a finger let alone keep his eyes open.

“i need an out, boss.” bakugou fights back a sob, head bowed so low that his chest feels tight and blood rushes to the top of his skull. his blood red eyes sting like they’ve been doused with acid rain, his lips quiver faster than he can keep up with— katsuki can’t remember the last time he cried and begged for mercy like this. “can’t go on like this.”

he feels pathetic, more than he ever has in his entire life. much worse than when his boss had taken him into the family, beaten some sense into him and taken a chance on a ruthless kid that ruled the streets with nothing but murder on his mind.

“and why’s that, first lieutenant?” jeanist, the head of the family and the closest thing the blonde has to an old man, asks— seated across from him on the tatami flooring, swaddled in his robes.

katsuki hates this feeling of pain that lodges itself in his chest and blossoms like the sakura trees representing his yakuza family crest. the pain of having to choose what he knows and loves and the love that the future holds for him. he’s not felt pain like this in a long time— emotional, mental pain. physically…he’s been through a lot worse, taken had metal pipes to the head and ribs, stab wounds and bullet wounds galore too. heck, even the yakuza tattoos bound to his wrists ( that seem more like shackles more and more each day ) hurt a fuck tonne.

but nothing is more agonising than seeing the emotional pain katsuki’s inflicted on you.

his knuckles turn white as he grips the fabric covering his knees— grinding his teeth, holding his breath, willing himself not to fucking cry. “i finally got somethin’— someone— damn worth livin’ for,” katsuki spits out, shifting the words around underneath his tongue. bitter and thick as if he’s swallowed a cap full of bleach. “they need me. beg me to come home in one piece. cry when ‘m cut up and bruised, harder when my knuckles bleed.”

“you’re in love,” the old man whispers from in front of him, wistful and wise. katsuki doesn’t speak for a while, he doesn’t have the strength to deny it.

because it’s true, he loves you more than he loves the thrill— the rush of being alive, being a part of this family where no tomorrow is guaranteed. he loves you more and hates the part of him that came home to you beaten and bruised, a bloody pulp so selfishly asking for your help because your hands were soft and you spoke to him softer. katsuki hadn’t seen the tears in your eyes back then, he hadn’t known how much he was hurting you. but when you ask him to make a choice between his family, the yakuza and yourself…

well, the answer is simple. the answer is always you.

“i’m in love,” katsuki repeats, admitting the truth. to his boss and to himself. he’s always known that he loved you, as clear as day, as true as fact— you make cherry blossoms bloom in his chest when his heart stops just from seeing you. you make his world come to a stop just by looking at him— is if you’ve stopped it’s rotation just so he could spend a little extra time with you. katsuki would die for you, but you’d want him to live for you instead.

and he wants to live for you too, wants to live to see you smile.

“i need an out, boss, please just give me a way out,” bakugou sucks back a sob, breathing uneven and shaky. “i need ya to let me go so i can protect ‘em better, be there for them. put a ring on their finger and keep them safe.”

best jeanist let’s a hand fall to straw blonde locks, patting the lieutenant on the head affectionately. “you’ve done a lot for this family, katsuki. i can’t ask you to stay when all you’ve done is put your life on the line for us.” he says, fond of the boy he raised and the man that he’s become. “be free, look after them. they’re your family now.”

katsuki lets out a relieved, strangled breath of thanks and best jeanist hums.

katsuki bakugou never grovels, he never cries but tonight he does. because when it comes to you his emotions are uncontrollable, strewn all about the place.

even the strongest, most dangerous men fall— and it just so happens that katsuki bakugou, a member of the yakuza, had fallen for you.

[reverie-verse]

Hello! Can I request a Azriel x Reader angst? The reader and Az are mates but Az was too infatuated with Mor, and after years of waiting the reader moves on with an OMC. They’re finally happy and feel loved and all Azriel can do is watch as his mate gets pulled from him completely. The reader tells him it’s too late. (The reader isn’t bitter)

The Mate That Got Away- Azriel x Reader

Note: There will be a ball, and the outfits are going to be vague. So you can picture what you’d like, if you prefer ethnic traditional clothing, great! If you like modern clothing that’s also great too. The style is up to you! However the color of the outfit will match the male character. So whatever color his court is, whatever color he represents the reader will have.

Ooooooo I almost forgot! I pictured Lestat from queen of the damned as Eris. I’m sorry it is what it is. Thats where my brain 😂😂. I do hope this meets your expectations and I’m sorry if it doesn’t. All I know is I was breaking my own damn heart writing this 😭 💔.

—————————————————————————

You left a note pinned to your bed. You had changed into all black clothing. Your bag packed with most of your belongings slung over your shoulder, your hair pulled back a black hood pulled to cover your head. You were perched on the window seal taking one final look around the precious space of your room. You saying one last goodbye, you were leaving your home, you were leaving Velaris. Your heart cracked into a million pieces, but it was the right thing to do. You had too. By the time they would return from their trip and stumble into your room you’d be long gone. Some part of you wished that things could be different and that it didn’t have to be this way. The bigger half knew better, you had to do this. It was the only thing you had left, and you had endured enough pain to last you hundreds of life times. It was time to say goodbye. You turned away hopping off the ledge and down the River house. You landed gracefully and quietly.

“ Are you sure about this?” A male voice whispered to you. You looked up to your old room and the rest of the house. Your heart heavy, you turned to the male who spoke to you. Fiery red hair and a golden eye stared back at you, his face expressing that of sadness. Lucien was the only one who you talked to about this. He was your ticket out. Everyone was too close, he never asked too many questions only when he figured you needed consulting that he bombarded you with them. You two were close enough to consider one another as good friends.

“ Yes, Lucien. We’ve been over this a hundred times. We are burning moonlight” You sighed quietly walking over to him.

“ I know, but I think you should stay. Everyone will be devastated. I’m sure you can speak with Rhys and Feyre, tell them the truth-“

“ That won’t change anything. It doesn’t matter what I say, nothing will change the fact that I need to leave. It’s just easier that way” You tell him while the two of you walk further away from the home.

“Did I ever tell you how I knew this young human turned high fae who instead of running away from her mate she ran towards him '' He says as the two of you come to a halt, realizing that you both were far enough from the home to make traveling much easier and more discrete. He scoops you into his arms. He braces himself so that he can winnow you.

“ Lucien I’m not changing my mind”

“Right, well it was worth another attempt”

—-

You were gone, with no traces left of you. Everyone had panicked, they searched the entire home, the house of wind and the town house. There was nothing. Standing in the foyer of the river house everyone’s gaze shifted to Azriel. They knew of the mating bond between you two, however what they didn’t know was that he rejected the bond. Azriel was hesitant and he did almost accept it but his mind kept drifting to Mor. He couldn’t let her go even if he tried. He didn’t want to either. Yet every day much like Lucien you strived to at least to get to know him and you did. What he didn’t know was that you loved him. No one knew except Lucien. You two shared similarities more than you realized. The only difference was Elain was beginning to come around. Azriel was never going to come around.

Azriel attempted to reach you through the mating bond only to find a cold numbness. You both couldn’t exactly break the bond but you could block each other. Azriel considered that as one possibility. While his mind went to a dark place, where someone could have kidnapped you and dosed you with faebane, it was his job to assume the worst. Azriel couldn’t take his mind off you, for a moment he was searching for his friend, then the next his mate, then back to his friend. His eyes searched the room for Mor finding her near the fire place, her expression filled with pain and sadness. She had lost one person she was close to. It broke his heart to see her in that state. Feyres voice broke him from his train of thought.

“ Did any of you find anything?” Feyre asked, looking between each member. Rhys pinched the bridge of his nose. His body is rigid and tense.

“ Not a thing. She covered her tracks well” Cassin crosses his arms as he rocks himself on his feet.

“ That’s because she does not want to be found” Lucien says as he walks through the threshold of the living room. Everyone was standing except for Elain and Nesta. All of their pointed gazes turned directly towards him. Lucien looked past everyone, his eyes landing directly on Azriel. His shadows danced around him furiously. He was hurt, angry, confused. He didn't know what to say or what to expect from you.

“ Why would she not want to be found?” Mor asked as she turned away from the fireplace. She couldn’t understand why you would make such a drastic move such as this one. This was out of the ordinary for even you, there had to be a reason why you’d disappear without a trace, it just wasn’t like you. The strangest part was that you had asked Lucien to take you wherever you went. “ Why would she bother asking you to take her?” She asked Lucien as she stared him down while he started Azriel down.

“Because she trusted me more than she trusted the rest of you” He says simply.

“ She’s only known you for half a second. Why would she put all her faith into you? ” Azriel bounced off of Mors questions. She was right , it was rather odd for you to take off the way you did. This wasn’t normal behavior which meant something was extremely wrong. Azriel was your friend first before your mate, he will always be your friend first, right now as your friend trusting someone like Lucien was always questionable. Again his gaze shifted to Mor who was biting her lip, she began to pace, her mind must’ve been racing a mile a minute. He wanted to reach out and hold-no not right now he can’t not when you were gone.

“She had her reasons. I did not press the issue because she did not wish to talk about it.” Lucien glares at Azriel.

“ So you simply let her walk away with no questions of your own” Azriel challenged.

“ You want an explanation for a question that I can’t give you”

“ Why? Because she has sworn you to secrecy” Mor hissed. “ You know something. She must’ve said a word, a phrase, anything!”

Cassian asked, arms still crossed. “Is it possible she could’ve left a note?”

“ There may be a possibility, Cass check her room see if you find anything that might give us an idea of where she headed or why she took off” Rhys ordered his brother turned general. Cassian gave him a curt nod heading off to your room.

“ Elain is there a chance you could’ve seen this in your vision?” Feyre asked her sister as she walked over to her.

Elain shook her head. “ No I can’t get a read on her, she won’t allow me into her mind. Her future is blocked from me”

“ I can’t get a read on her either” Rhys says as he pinched the bridge of his nose. “ Azriel? What of the mating bond?”

Azriel’s sharpened gaze stayed trained on Lucien “Nothing, it’s quiet on her end. Too quiet.” Even as Azriel rejected the bond he still remained protective of you, though his heart yearned for Mor. Lucien tightened his gaze on Azriel the two stared each other down. Cassian bounded down the stairs quickly as he reached the threshold a piece of paper tucked into his hand. “ She left a note. It’s addressed to you Feyre” He walkes over to her handing her the folded paper.

“ Me?” She looks between him and the paper hesitantly taking it from him.

“ What” Mor gasped “ She-let me see the note”

“ No, Mor I don’t think you should see this”

“ Let me read the note” Azriel says, if anyone should, he prefers it was him who witness it, you were his mate. It had to account for something. Even if his heart belongs to Mor and not yours. Was that selfish, to want to still take ownership of you but be in love with another. No, it was deeply wrong. Yet he found himself hurt and curious.

Feyre however needed time to think and with a note that could possibly explain your whereabouts and why you specifically chose her to read it. She could only assume that you had figured out Azriel’s love for Mor. If that was the case then the entirety of the situation would start an internal conflict for Mor herself. A conflict of a truth that could be forced out into the open. Tonight would not be the night for that. As if Rhys had peaked into Feyres mind he says “- As much as we all are curious about her note I suggest everyone take the evening off, we can deal with this tomorrow.-“

“You can’t be serious?! She could be in trouble! She could be hurting and you want to wait until tomorrow!” Mor growled.

“ Easy Girl” Amren says as she moves from the window to stand by Mor. Mor turned to glare at Amren, her chest heaving up and down furious.

“Our friend is out there, somewhere, possibly hurting, and you want me to take it easy. You have some nerve-“

“ Girl you watch your tongue before I rip it out of your blonde head-“ Rhys and Cassian jumped to action moving the women away from each other. Nesta and Elain standing up from the couch, Nesta made quick work to push Elain protectively behind her. Rhys held his second in command away from everyone, to which Amren was rather calm but more or less annoyed at the theatrics. Cassian wrapped his arms around Mor holding her close to his chest.

“ It was my fault. I didn’t want it to be this way. Not like this-“ Azriel starts his shadows becoming droopy and hidden behind him. This was because of him, he hadn’t realized it until now, the note, the fighting, the way he wanted to recuse Mor, instead of searching for you. Shame itched at him.

Mor pushed against Cassian to let her go. “ What are you talking about?-”Mor asked as she struggled against Cassian who made no move, only holding her tightly. Everyone held their breath, this was becoming a reality. Mor shook her head. When Azriel made no move to explain his own eyes flickering to meet hers. The information fits together like puzzle pieces. There was no need to read the note because everything they needed to know was right in front of them. “- No-you- didn’t- Why would you risk the bond?! You idiot!” Mor continued to struggle in Cassian's arms. Elain places a hand over her mouth as it hung open. Nesta frozen by the words she heard mulling over the meaning.

“ I did it because I love you! Mor I fell in love with you, since I first saw you, I have always loved you. This wasn’t how I wanted to do this-“ He tells her as he steps towards her, Mors body sags in defeat, this was her last straw.

“-You-You ruined everything” Mor whispers softly, gentle tears streaming down her face. Cassian let go of Mor slowly as she pushed away from him. She moved towards the living room crossing the threshold and to the front door, she planned on staying anywhere else but the River house.

“Mor!” Azriel called out after attempting to go after her but not when Rhys stopped him. He had removed himself from Amren, placing a hand on Azriel’s shoulder.

“ Let her go” He tells him, Azriel listens and remains in his place, but his heart ripped in half, two people had walked away from him in the same night, and both were his fault.

“ She’ll come back, she always does” Cassian says as he stands on the other side of Azriel.

—

You rolled onto your side staring at the man who laid next to you. He was laying on his stomach, his arms buried beneath the pillow, his cheek resting against it. His wine red hair in a wavy mess plastered to the pillow. His hair paired well against his tan skin, a lighter color than his brother. Your heart swooned at the sight of him. You reached over caressing his cheek. You moved your hand away pushing him over to the side so you could tuck yourself under his arms. He follows suit and gives you the space to do so. You had a feeling he was awake, you could feel the rumble of a chuckle in his chest. You snuggled into his bare chest basking in his warmth. His eyes remained closed as he held you close. You shut your eyes as the two of you began to fall back asleep.

A knock was heard on your shared bedroom door. The man holding you groaned, it was your turn to giggle at him . “Eris! Y/N!?” Lucien’s voice called out to you both.

“ I am going to murder him” Eris growled.

“ No you’re not, he's my best friend and your brother.” You tell him, as he sighed roughly making you smile though you knew Eris would never harm Lucien, the two have grown closer as of recently, all thanks to you. Their brother bonds stronger than before.

“ I am coming in you both better be decent when I open this door!” Lucien says as he opens the door stepping inside. Thankfully you both were already decent. You slept in Eris’s tunic while he slept shirtless and in pants. You untangled yourself from Eris’s arms even though he protested. Eris sighed as he propped himself against a few pillows, resting an arm behind his head. You sat up cross legged under the blankets. “Oh good you both are decent”

“ What is it Lucien?” Eris asked as his amber eyes stared at his brother.

“ The ball” He tells him simply.

“ What about it?” You asked.

“ All courts are attending, including the Night Court. They had just decided and sent a reply to Helion. Elain was the one who told me '' Lucien says as Eris who was already looking at you noticed the nervous expression on your face. Lucien has turned his attention towards you.

“ I guess that means it’s time” You tell them quietly.

“ I’m afraid so” Eris replies. You both stare at each other, Eris reaches over and takes your hands in his.

Lucien had left the room, claiming he needed to get dressed and that Elain would need some help picking a matching outfit. It’s been two years since you’ve left Velaris. Two years since you last saw him. Since you left your friends. You wondered if they resented you for it. You wondered if Elain told them about you already. Lucien always reassured you that she never did even when they asked questions about her visions. You never asked him questions though, you never asked how they were, how Azriel was nor about Morrigan either. You assumed they lived happily ever after. You guessed that today would be the day where everyone would find out about one another.

You climbed out of the bed getting ready to go to the closet, Eris reached out a hand grabbing your arm pulling you back to him. You sighed, turning to look at Eris who had a mischievous smirk on his face. A silly smile slipped on your face as soon as you realized what he was going to do. “ Oh no, No-No-No we are going to be late!-Eris!” Eris yanked you back down onto the bed. Trapping you under him in attempts to kiss you.

“ Eris!” You warned him as you tried to squirm away.

“We’ll be quick I swear!” He watched you hesitate, your half on the bed and half off the bed. It was his chance to grab you again.

“That’s what you said last time!”You squealed your back landing onto the plush bed. Lips attach themselves to yours drawing you in, consuming you whole.

—-

The ball was organized as a birthday party for Helion, the Day Court planned to celebrate him. Each court was sent an invitation; this was the biggest ball of the year. It has been a long time since the courts have ever gathered together unified enough to be in the same room. Everyone was mingling amongst themselves as different courts arrived at various times of the evening. The night court had made it before Autumn. The inner circle spoke with different court members all except Azriel.

The night after you left Azriel spoke with Mor alone, he had learned the truth, about her and himself. He realized that he had made a grave mistake. For the past two years he spent the time he had searching for you. Only to come up empty each time, even Mor vouched to help him find you and there was nothing. No word from anyone. Eventually she had given up on the search, Rhys and offered for Azriel to take some time away from everyone including the search for you but he refused. Everyone had given him space and the time he needed to grieve but it made no difference.

He was haunted by the memories of you regardless. You were all he could think about for the past two year, and with the help of Mor, you were a permanent marking. Everyday he spent time working on the bond hoping to connect with you, and if he succeeded he could find you. The only problem was you were strong in blocking the mating bond. You made it near impossible to find you, to connect, to be linked to you. He admitted that you were well trained in that department. It was a task you were always good at. Still he continued with his quest on finding you. His eyes scanned the ball room, hoping and wishing for your presence, hoping to hear your voice, maybe offer you a dance while the two of you talk and ignore the crowd… But that was wishful thinking. Music played in the background as couples danced on the floor, Mor walked over to Azriel handing him a glass of wine. “ I think you’re going to need this more than I do” She tells him softly, taking a drink from her own cup.

“ What makes you think I will?” He asks, taking the glass, holding it in his hand not bothering to touch it. He eyes the crowd before eyeing the cup in his hand.

“If she isn’t here you’ll be spending the entire night in heartbreak watching all these couples, you might as well be drunk for it”

“ Maybe I don’t want that-“ Mors gasp caught him by surprise, his eyes looking at her following her gaze. There you were. As beautiful as the last time he saw you. Your hair styled perfectly, your skin glowing, you had a smile on your face so bright and full of life, your laugh echoed hitting his ears turning into a wonderful melody. Time truly seemed to slow down. Your hand was intertwined with someone else’s, a ring on your wedding finger, your outfit you had worn colored in reddish orange, the colors of autumn. It couldn’t have been Lucien, he was already waltzing on the dancing floor with Elain. Which only left one highlord Eris. He too was smiling as he spoke with Cassian and Nesta. Mor growled at the sight. Rhys and Feyre approached Azriel and Mor. Amren, as quiet as ever appeared next to her with Varian by her side, soon enough the rest of the inner circle gathered together.

“ She looks happy” Azriel says as the group turns to look at his saddened face. He had lost the one chance at happiness after he lost his first, a mistake he regretted more than anything. Had he known that Mor had never felt for him the way he had for her, then you would be in his arms now. You would be with him and not Eris.

“She does,” Rhys acknowledged Azriel’s comment, watching his brother closely. Nesta and Cassian had hugged you before leaving to head to the dance floor. You looked so relieved that they embraced you, you had turned to your husband, with yet another smile. Eris shared that smile with you as if to say I told you so. He took your hand back in his as he pulled you to the dance floor, as if he had done it many times, you fell into his arms melting into them as if you two were mated from the beginning. You swayed with him, your arms wrapped around his neck and his arms wrapped around your waist. You two spoke to each other, laughing and sharing sweet nothings. Azriel wished that it was him holding you that way, to watch you smile, and laugh effortlessly. He wanted to be Eris. He wanted to be the one wearing the wedding band that you gave him, he wanted you to wear the wedding band he gave you. He wanted what Eris had.

Nesta and Cassian had crossed the dance floor and headed to the group. Cassian had seen the pain in his brother's eyes, his own heartbreaking. He wasn’t sure what he could say that might ease Azriel’s suffering. He placed a hand on Azriel’s shoulder giving him a soft squeeze. Azriel had made up his mind “ I’m going to talk to her” everyone looked at Azriel questioning his motivation. Walking away from his friends he walks towards you. He could smell the two of you, how your scents intermingled, it was repulsive to him, he couldn’t stand the smell, instead he wished it was his smell on you. Yours on him. But it was too late for that. Eris had taken your hand and twirled you around, pulling you back to him swaying again, you giggled at his feeble attempt to flirt with you. As Azriel got closer he fought the urge to kill and maim him right where he was. Azriel reached you both and cleared his throat. You and Eris looked towards Azriel, the smiles slipping from both of your faces. Azriel wished he hadn’t been the one to make your smile fall.

“ Do you mind if I cut in?” He asks.

Eris looks at you first ignoring his request. You sighed, you knew this time was going to come, Eris tightened his hold on you. Your heart smiled at his protectiveness. You gave Eris a nod of approval. He looked at you for a little while longer, leaning down and kissed your cheek. You offered him a sweet smile as he reached up and caressed your cheek. He turned away from you heading off in another direction, he glared at Azriel who returned the stare down. Azriel smiled gently to which you had taken his outstretched hand. You kept the hold simple, placing your hands on his shoulders. His hands remained on your waist. You were hesitant, you shifted uncomfortably.

Azriel cleared his throat “ How are you?”

For this you smiled, your eyes traveled to Eris who was speaking with Lucien for a moment before looking back to Azriel. “ I am better. And You?”

“ I-it could be better-” He admits. “There is something that I’d like to ask you”

“ Alright”

“ What drew you away from me?”

“ Azriel I don’t think-“

“I would like to know”

You sighed the weight returning to your chest. “ I-I left because you were in love with Mor. The way you looked at her was the way I wished you’d look at me. I waited for you for years, and you never-it was never going to work. You love her, she is the one you wanted. I wasn’t going to get in the way of that.-” You shrugged lightly. You shook your head at the old memories that were embedded in your mind and heart. “-You told her how you felt and she said no to you didn’t she?” You looked him in the eyes. The bond may have been blocked but you were still able to read him like an open book. You knew him better than he knew himself. Azriel looked away, he came to you for a second chance because his first rejected him. You stopped moving, not bothering to sway with the music any longer.

“ I can explain myself-“ His heart had no more pieces to break, it was already shattered.

“ Unrequited love can be painful, can it not?” You tell him your voice pained.

“ Yes, but I understand now what it feels like-“

“ You think that you do but you don’t Az. Its different when you reject a mate, that bond is sacred. And you threw it away.” You tell him with no cruelty in the words only the truth, the reality. He was expecting you to shout at him, hit him, yell at him, but you did none of those things.

“ Y/N-“ his own voice cracks.

You shake your head “ No, Azriel. I am happy-I-I have a family that cares for me, A husband who loves me, and I love him. You can't ask me to leave them because I won’t”

“I understand…” Azriel’s gaze drops from your eyes to the floor, completely broken and defeated. His own eyes pricked with tears. You wrapped your arms around Azriel’s neck pulling him in for a hug.

“ You deserve to be loved Az. Never forget that.” You whispered to him as you held him. Azriel wrapped his arms around your waist holding onto you tightly. He never wanted to leave your embrace, but it was too late for that. It was something he would keep with him forever. You pulled away sliding from his embrace, your hands slipped past each other one last time. Azriel watched as you made your way back to your husband who smiled once your gaze settled on him. He extended his hand towards you and you took it with no hesitation. You had not looked back once as the two of you left the hall wrapped in each other's arms. Azriel watched you walk right out of his arms into another. You were right, it was a different feeling, more painful than anything he had ever experienced. You were bonded to him but you fell in love with Eris. This was the pain you felt when you had watched him fall for Mor as you were bound to him.

He truly understood the weight of the bond and it’s worth.

[bronx-bomber87]

First off thank you much for the lovely response to my last thoughts. I was very nervous about posting and got a lot of good replies, notes and reblogs. This fandom is the best. I think it's important to see both sides and I wanted Tim's to be represented in a way that gave insight without condoning what he'd done. (Cause our boy done messed up.) So giving a little of myself achieved that I believe.

I didn't know a ton about this ep cause I’m a square who stays away from spoilers haha So let’s get started.

6x08 Punch Card

Ugh my heart Tim got a reminder for Lucy’s Bday. Instant heart stomping already….I love that he had a reminder set up though. Making sure he would't forget. I’m crying already. Even though I'm so very sad. I love that he had this setup. When the elevator opens the amount of tension is palpable. Something felt very wrong. Good thing Tim was lost in his Lucy moment or he would've picked up on this sooner.

Poor Tim just wants to explain himself to Mad Dog. To explain what happened. The man is not in a place to receive it and we see later why. That look said it all though when Mad Dog departs. When Dr. London said she just took the wrong elevator my red flag gut was going off.

Now that I've see the episode as a whole I can see Dr. London's play here. She seems to use flirting as a defense mechanism all her own. To protect herself and manipulate those around her. I mean they brought her flirt fest with Aaron in the recap back for a reason I think. She's worried Tim read into something about her interaction with Mad Dog. I mean Tim is clearly upset about seeing him and she uses that to deflect attention off herself. My off meter definitely was kicking on with her. Especially with how flirty she was being I didn't like it.

Now some may see Tim's response as him flirting back but I think he's investigating her. Also he's being a little sassy because he's not comfortable with her doing therapy outside the office. I mean his face when he leaves that elevator is not of a man who just flirted. It's one who is one still hurting and two his cop gut is going off but he isn't sure why....He seems conflicted by what just went down in that elevator. Just like us he was feeling off about her.

This scene was very cute with Grey. I loved him anointing her to be a T.O. LOL Also once again showing the faith he has in Lucy. To train Celina and know she would do a good job. I was excited for this opportunity for her. For her to tap into leadership. Honestly it shouldn't have taken this long for Lucy to get to show her chops with this.

Tim is so busy trying to delete his Lucy reminder he runs into the physical version of it without realizing. Andddddd it’s still awkward af between them. How could It not be? No communication between them so naturally it is. Stilted awkwardness. Lucy got out of there so fast. Even with Tim making the all powerful joke. Trying to make it less awkward. Ow. Couldn't get away fast enough. The way he watches her go. *sigh* Like he's watching his entire heart depart the room.

This hurts you guys. No matter how much I know it’ll be ok at some point this hurts to watch. Grey not pulling any punches noting how very awkward that was. Tim telling him that's actually better than it's been....Makes me wonder how much time has passed between 6x07 and now. Wade not caring that's progress to Tim. He is not messing around....

Just wants Tim to fix is ASAP cause of the team dynamic. He's not wrong. Man isn't wrong. Rarely if ever is. Saying if Tim can't there’s gonna be a transfer and it won’t be Lucy….I mean I LOVE Grey siding with Lucy on this one. Not a doubt in his mind if it shakes out that way it'll be Tim. That being said just hearing that. Ugh. Deep anxiety pit of my stomach. And of course it would be friggin North Hollywood. That damn station been haunting them since S2. Looming over them ready to take one of them away.

Lucy being Celina’s T.O .for the day I love it. She is so excited to be her leader even if it's just for this shift. Just wants to 'Invest in her success.' You know Lucy's leadership is pretty damn identical to how I am with my team. While I am mostly Tim there are pieces of Lucy in me as well. I related to her style of leadership quite a bit.

Aaron and Tim in the surveillance van is hilarious. Their dynamic has always entertained me. I truly adore these two goobers together. Tim is trying so hard to keep his shit together. Aaron dying of ask him if he finds it hard to surveil his old team for an OP? Tim of course gives him the company line. Doing what he is told without complaint. Pulling out some S1 Tim with that reply my love.

Tim then telling him he needs a stronger deodorant LOL It's too funny. What a boring assignment for them both. Tim went from running that entire team. Doing ops and making decisions on the fly to this….Also Aaron being too distracted by his deodorant comment to pay attention is the most Aaron thing ever haha

What I love the most about Lucy with Celina is her correcting without crushing her confidence. Once again reminding me of myself when I'm correcting my work kids on stuff. She is kind but confident in her assessment of what she did wrong in this moment. Celina receiving it well because she handles it this way. Lucy out here crushing it already with zero T.O. training. Just going off instinct and what she would want if she was a newbie still. Once again her and I very alike.

Oh Tim getting that reminder again. *heart clutch.* Sigh my boy. Aaron offering to turn it off for him. I love that he was gonna have it remind him through out the day. Pre-breakup Tim clearly didn't want to forget. Wanted to make sure he not only knew it was but to make sure to make a big deal of it. That's just an assumption on my part but man would've wanted to do that. it's the way he has 'TOMORROW.' Wanting to make sure he didn't forget such an important day. *screams into a pillow.* Aaron asking if he’s gonna get her anything? I’m sure he had stuff in mind. But yeah bad form indeed…

Tim’s sweet smile when he finds out what Aaron got her. Knowing how perfect of a gift that would be for her. That sweet knowing smile makes me wanna weep a bit. He knows his girl so well. Lot of sadness attached to the smile though. 'Can I ask why ya’ll split up?' 'No.' LMAO Took it too far Aaron....You're lucky you got that much good sir.

This scene with Mad Dog hurt my heart for Tim. No matter how wrong he was for what he did I still hate seeing this. This was what I was worried about with him working with Metro. Picking at the wounds he hasn’t even begun to heal about how he left. I knew him making notes on the OP was going to come back and bite him in the ass. Watching all his repercussions is painful to see I have to say. Knowing what we know about Mad Dog later I think that's part of why he goes off on Tim. Doesn't make it any easier to watch though...

Friggin Love Lucy being a BAMF in this episode. Especially in this moment. When she once again corrects but doesn't crush Celina about her gun. It's the way she guides Celina and has control over every situation they encounter in this ep. Proving herself a worthy teacher and leader. Also she was a better teacher to Celina in one episode than Nolan has been her entire career. Dude is a stinker of a T.O. It shows in how Celina makes basic mistakes Lucy had down pat long before this time in her rookie year.

Too bad Lucy can't finish out her training and Nolan is booted. But that'll never happen nothing sticks to that man. Not since S3 premiere. The rules and repercussions are rubber and he's glue. What doesn't stick to him does to everyone else... Grey should really evaluate his teaching skills. But that'll never happen. But she deserves a better teacher than him.

From the minute Tim entered the room something seemed very wrong. From the way Mad Dog was just expecting Tim to flog him. Like he wanted Tim to ream him out for how the OP went down. Also how Mad Dog seemed nervous af to see Dr London. I mean look at that man above. He is scared shitless she is there to see him. The way he watches her though out the scene. Especially when she leaves.

Tim's cop gut is going off like crazy when she enters the room. Wondering how the hell she even know about this? He seems to take her answer at face value because honestly its pretty good considering it's a bold faced lie. Tim once again feeling like something is very off but isn't sure why.

First let me say once again I feel personally attacked by the choice in song once again. lol I couldn't find the song to save my life. The lyrics are *chef kiss.* They're painfully accurate for them both. Think they've been very intentional with their ending music and just in general this season. These lyrics filled me with some hope as well. Jotted down the lyrics since couldn't find the song.

‘When the sun won’t shine and the words don’t rhyme. And there’s mountains you can’t move. Somethings on your mind and it’s been some time-since you felt like you were you. When it all caves in feeling paper thin. And the pain might cut right through.

Oh child, Lift up your head. All this trouble's only gonna last for awhile.’ Yeah we’re gonna be all right oh child. Lift up your head. And the light's gonna find you. When you feel like you ain’t got a friend. And you’re wondering if you ever gonna smile again. Every little thing gonna be ok. I know that you gonna see better days.’ *heart clutch.*

Damn smart of Tim saying happy birthday from Kojo and not him. I’m not crying you are. This was so so sweet. Lucy's reaction to Kojo got me all in my feels. She's so excited to see him. Then that excitement melts into sadness. Because he's an extension of Tim. The way she pet's him and says how much she misses him ugh.

Seems there is a double meaning going on there. We all know despite the hurt how much she misses her person. Tim just standing there only imagining her reaction when Kojo makes his way back. What a way to bring that sweet boy back in. I'm so happy about it. Tim is respecting her space but couldn’t let her bday go without doing something. Had to let her know her was thinking of her still. The fact that it’s happening in the hallway where so many seminal moments have played out for them.... I wanna cry.

I LOVE that Tim got Kojo to put his little paw in ink for the card. It is so sweet. Their fur baby. He put serious thought and effort into this. This was so well done. Only Melissa and Eric could have chemistry without even seeing each other. This is the first time we've really seen Lucy cry about them. 6x06 she was in complete shock. 6x07 was her processing her thoughts/emotions. She was on the verge of tears but we didn't see her cry. This was first time we've seen her shed tears on screen at least since the break up. Wanna hug her so much. She deserved this card and more. Like a real conversation with him but this is a good start.

She knows this is Tim reaching out without physically doing so. Showing her he still cares. I mean he clearly very much does. You don't put thought and effort in like this if you don't. It's a huge thing for him to do right now. Lucy recognizes the effort in this adorable act. Tim's face after she reads the card. Ripping my damn heart out. The absolute regret splayed all over it. Like it’s finally hitting him what he’s done to her. What he’s lost in the process. He gave up his favorite person. His happy place and just it’s hitting him square in his chest.

Like a freight train that’s run him over. It's the way he shakes his head. Kicking himself. Knowing he hastily threw them away. What a mistake he’s made in his irrational decision making. It’s written all over his beautiful face. He may not fully understand yet why he did it but the regret is evident. Eric be killing me. His face screams all that. Knowing he should’ve been with Lucy for her birthday. Hell probably sharing that bath bomb she brought up with her. Killing me softly. Hurts so good. Damnit writers... This is being handled so well though. So hats off to them. They both needed this moment more than either of them knew.

Mad dog killing himself....jesus H Christ. Poor Tim the last thing he needs is this. It explains why he was extra nasty to Tim though. Tim saw the flaw in his play and freaked the hell out. Also for Tim to see someone he once trusted with his life compromise themselves. Compromise the safety of their own men. Gut punch. And for what? Money? Power? We won't know till more of this unravels. Whatever it is won't be for a good reason. I know Tim hates himself for his mistakes. But those mistakes always had some form of honor attached to them.

He may not see that but I do. Now the op where he got his men killed no but what he did after was honorable. What he did for Mitch came from a honorable place. I just wonder how seeing Mad Dog doing something so very un-honorable is gonna affect him moving forward...Oh my lord I’m so mad about Dr London not because I liked her. But because I didn’t want it to derail Tim’s therapy in any way. The man needs it. Here’s hoping he continues in s7 with someone better.

Everyone was right she’s a dirty birdy. I was just hoping she wouldn’t be. But my ick and uncomfortable factor went WAY up in this ep with her. I knew it was inevitable. It's not that I didn't want to be wrong about her. It's the fact I didn't want this to hurt Aaron and I definitely I didn’t want her to be dirty for Tim that was it. For his therapy and the progress he's made. I hope this doesn’t affect his therapy journey and he can find someone not compromised in S7.

That promo for next week oh my lord….the hug! The hug! "This doesn't change anything." Then pulls him right in like nothing's changed. I will be living there from now on. Or until next week lol Love the Finale being a 2 parter as well. Phew this is gonna be an intense ending to this season. Gonna be chomping at the bit for S7 once it's done I know it. Like the song stated we're gonna see better days. I truly believe that. We got this my lovely fandom. Thank you for always being so wonderfully receptive of these reviews. Appreciate any likes, comments or reblogs that come my way.

~~~

Side notes-non Chenford

Angela shooting Monica down with Wesley. She's an Epic Queen and I adore her.

Dr London is in alliance with Monica. That's super great….cool cool cool……I have a feeling and D and I discussed this earlier. Reminds us of Armstrong. This feels more like a she's been forced into it a situation. Because its obvious she's good at her job.

But the way she freaked out about the cops being hurt clearly shook her. She looked on the verge of tears in Mad Dog's room. So do I think she's a bad person? Unsure at the moment. Do I think she was once a good person who was manipulated into whatever this alliance is? I do. Be interesting to see how her SL unfolds.

[the-soliloquies-of-sadists]

This is a follow up to Story #145

#378

“Is she and the kids on their way?...  Good.  Begin stripping.  It’s about damned time that trip to Spain finally pans out.  I mean how many fucking times did she change the dates making me rearrange my schedule so that I can have you with me the entire week.  Why the fuck did you forget to put on your pecker cage?  You know there is only one cock in this house that matters, and it sure as hell ain’t that one between your legs.  We have a lot to talk about.  Kneel.….  No just remain there at my feet and take off my socks and shoes.  Leave my feet alone for now….  And what the goddamned fuck is that wedding band still on your finger?  You know that thing gets taken off when you walk in and placed on the table beside the door.  Take it off now and put it on the table next to you….

“I have to say this.  You’ve been taking what we have going for granted.  Since our college days you have been serving me on my terms.  Even when you got married to that cunt of a wife, I told you that I still need to be serviced.  I gave you expectations on how to submit to me regularly.  But once a week turned into every other week, and now I’m lucky to get once a month.  We select a week, and her needs bump what we set up to a different week, and then to another week. 

“Then when you get here, your focus is not on servicing me by offering your ass, but rather on expecting to be fucked, like I’m your personal dildo.  You don’t lick my ass the way you used to.  And the foot worship you give is a foot massage—no licking or sucking on my toes.  You balk at drinking my piss, saying that your stomach is upset or something else.

“Your focus is on her.  It’s always on her.  You are worried about her finding out that you long to be a cum dump faggot whore to not only me, but the men I demand you service.  I knew when you said you were getting married that you were making a mistake, and here we are.  That mistake is affecting my needs and wants and desires.

“Pick up that fucking wedding band.  Put it in your mouth.  Taste that 22 karat gold.  That’s her money.  That’s represents the life you pretend to want.  You complain about her just about every time we are together.  I don’t want to hear about her.  I’m tired of it.  You also complain that your kids are entitled brats.  Why?  Why do you do this?  Why do you do this to me?

“Get up and go get me Scotch on the rocks.  Also bring me a glass of warm water… warm top water.  No, keep the ring in your mouth.  It keeps you quiet….

“This week is going to be a challenge to you.  Not only am I going to use you and your cunt, but I am going to set your mind back to where it should be.  And it is going to start with a toast. 

“If you notice, the Scotch is the bottle you gave me when you came back from Scotland in February.  It is one of the best Scotches I have ever tasted.  I would offer you a sip, but it’s too good for you.  The only way you are going to drink something this smooth is once I’m done with it.  You don’t deserve anything more than that tap water. 

“To us, and here’s to setting your head back on track….  No, no, no.  Don’t you dare spit out that ring.  I want you to do something else to it.  Use that glass of water to swallow it.

“Don’t look at me like that.  You’ll get it back in a few days.  Plenty of time to retrieve it before she comes home.  And it’s gold; it’ll be fine.

“No?  Well then, you can get your clothes and get the fuck out.  Simple as that.  And don’t bother coming back….  I’m not joking.  I gave you an order.  I want that ring in your stomach, or the last twenty something years you and I had is over.

“Put the glass of water to your lips.  That’s right.  Just do it.

“Atta boy.  See, you can follow orders.  Depending on how well you serve me, I might not have you swallow it again a second time once it comes out.  

“You pecker is rock hard.  We need to fix that.  Bring me that cock cage over on the dining table….  No, don’t kneel down; stand next to my chair.  Place your balls in the palm of my hand.  Yeah, you know what I’m going to do to them.  Hesitating will only make me squeeze harder. 

“Quit fidgeting.  They’re just balls.  If you weren’t hard by the idea of me making you swallow your wedding ring, you wouldn’t be in so much pain….  Look your four incher is now shriveled to nothing….  This is a new cage, a smaller one.  There, it won’t get hard for a while.

“…You know what?  I don’t like your pubes.  I’m going to shave them off.  I want you smooth….  It’s not like your wife is having regular sex with you.  You have been complaining about that for months now.  So she won’t see it.  And if she does, make up something.

“How does the cage feel?  Very tight?  It’s one that doesn’t pull away when your pecker tries to get hard.  When we go out to Bike Pit on Saturday, the bikers will have a field day.  I spoke with Oiler and he was pissed that you had to rearrange your time with me and we had to push back your gang bang a few weeks.  I told him you’ll make it up to him by spending some time under his rimseat….  I know you love doing that.

“Go get the lube and come and apply it to my cock.  Bring the bottle….

“Lube me up.  And don’t make me too sloppy.  Remember, lube is to increase my pleasure; it’s not to decrease your pain….  You know I’m going to tear you up, right?...

“Now go and lean over the armrest of the couch.  Point your cunt towards me.  Legs further apart.  Now look back at me.  Look at my phone.  We haven’t added anything to the blackmail file in a long time.  So here goes.

“I want you to tell me how hungry you are for my cock, how you are tired of being viewed and acting like a real man, and that you need to be treated like what you really are, a cunt, to be used over and over all week long, by dozens of men.  While you are saying that, put whatever’s left of the lube from your fingers on your cunt lips, but reach up between your legs to do that, just like those bitches do in straight porn.

“Begin….

“…Good.  Now that that’s out of the way, get ready to be cunted.  I’m going right to the root….

“No, no, you don’t need no poppers, just take my damn fucking cock.  You’ll learn to love not using that shit anymore.

“That’s it!  Scream in pain.  Does your cunt feel so good!  Oh fuck, I want this cunt all the time. 

“I need to cum quickly, we have a drive ahead of us.  There’s this big beefy carnie I met last week at Ruby’s bookstore.  We wound up spit roasting four or five fags.  I told him about you, and he’s interested in double fucking you.  You ever have two dicks in your cunt at the same time?...  We’ll break that cherry tonight. 

“Do that thing with your cunt.  Ohhhh that!  Fuck yeah!  Oh I need this nut.  Keep working that cunt….  MY CUNT.  This cunt belongs to me.  Clamp down!  Fuck, fuck, fuck.  Ah ahhhh! AHHHH!...  Fucking hell.

“Spin around and do your clean up duty.  Oh man!  You got me to break out one hell of a good sweat.  I am going to smell real rank for you tonight.

“Don’t pull off me when you are done sucking the last drops of jiz from my cock.  I need to take a piss.

“Oh man, this is the life.  To have at the snap of the finger a fag bitch cunt take a hard pounding, clean off my cock, and then drink a load of my piss.  I’ve needed this for some time.

“The thing is I shouldn’t need it.  I should just have it. 

“…Keep swallowing.  I have a full bladder for you….

“…You should be mine like it was back when we were in college, or when we had next door apartments.  Shit the amount of fun we had back then.  But you had to get married to that cunt.  Goddamned I hate her.  I hate your marriage.

“I want you.  I want you all the time.  You once told me you loved me when it was just us, and I blew it off.  We were young and stupid back then.  We thought that a straight life with a little fun on the side would be the answer.  We were wrong. 

“I want you.  At the end of this week, I don’t want you to go back to her.  I’m willing to fight for that.  I want you to start the process to get a divorce.

“Don’t you dare pull off my cock.  I’m not done pissing on your fucking wedding ring at the bottom of your stomach. 

“Yeah, I want you to get a divorce.  I mean it.  You are miserable with her.  You tell me every time we hook up.  When she gets back you will tell her.  If you won’t,…

“You know we joked about it all these years, but I have kept every single one of the videos I made of you doing nasty things to hundreds of men.  But all I need to show her is the one I recorded of me taking your ass-cherry filmed less than an hour before you and her exchanged your vows.  I will do it, if you won’t.

“I read your prenuptial agreement, and you will walk away with a modest amount of money.  She’ll want the kids, good.  I’m not as rich as she is, but I have enough of a savings and a decent six figure job, that you will live comfortably with me.

“Now pull off.  Look up at me.  I’m serious.  I’ve wanted to say this for a few years now.  You’ve joked about it.  You know your life with her is shit.  It’s just like your wedding ring.  You know, after you shit it out, there is no amount of polishing and making it look pretty that will change the fact that it is shit, literally shit.

“Don’t say anything now.  We have plenty of time this week to plan this out.  You and I both know this is the right thing to do.  I’m not going to let you go.  I will be right beside you.  Keep that in your thoughts.

“But right now, we need to plug that cunt.  I already have something lined up for it and my load inside.”

[dailyadventureprompts]

DM Tip: The Trouble With Treasure/ An Alternate Wealth System

If you’re a player or dungeonmaster who’s at all interested in game design you might’ve noticed D&D’s treasure and economy systems suck. You also might have noticed even if you’re not interested in game design, because the longer you play d&d the more it becomes glaringly obvious that the game doesn’t actually HAVE a treasure and economy system despite pretending otherwise.  This is a major problem given that seeking riches is one of the default adventuring motivations, and largely stems from the fact that back in ye-olden days gold was directly related to experience points, so wealth accrued exponentially in line with the increasing cost of levelling up. This is why magic items cost to damn much despite being not only a staple of the genre but absolutely necessary to the long-term viability of certain classes (as I discuss here in my post about gear as class features).  

After being cut lose however, nothing was really DONE with gold in d&d from a gameplay perspective: Treasure generation largely fell to dm discretion or random tables, and the useful things a party could buy steadily shrunk to the point where characters could be stuck with their starting equipment for an entire campaign.  “Too much gold and nothing to spend it on” became one of the major criticisms of d&d 5e, but only touched on the problem that without something worthwhile to spend treasure on the party has less and less reason to venture into the dangerous unknown, take dodgy contracts, or perform any of a half dozen other plot beats that make up traditional adventuring.

 The system likewise breaks down once you pass a certain threshold of wealth, or once you try to model larger economic activities: divvying up a lockbox full of dungeon plunder to reequip your heroes before launching out on the next mission works great for the first couple of levels, but completely falls apart when you're dealing common enough story tropes such as running a business, transporting cargo as merchants, or caring for the estates around a castle.

What I propose is splitting d&d’s economy into two halves: Wealth, which represents the piles of GP and other coins the party carries with them, and Resources, more abstract points which chart how plugged in the party is to local systems of production, trade, and patronage.

If you’d like an explanation of how these systems work, and how they can improve your game like they improved mine, I’ll explain both of these mechanics in detail below the cut, as well as subsystems that let your party open businesses, operate estates, build castles, and make a living as merchants.

Wealth:  I wanted to limit the amount of money my players kept with them without instituting an encumbrance system that might drag things down. Instead I wanted to rely on a more “common sense” method of tracking wealth, and get them thinking about their stores of gold as a physical object rather than a nebulous point pool they can dip into.

Conveniently, every character starts play with a coin pouch, which can hold up to 300gp (about 6 pounds). I use this as a “soft cap” for how much money a character can be expected to be carrying around with them, not including jewellery or small valuables like gems.

Theoretically a person could have more than one coin pouch, carry their wealth around with them in a chest (15,000gp) or a cartoon sack with a dollar sign on it (1500gp), but this becomes increasingly cumbersome and provides a greater and greater chance that the party will be targeted by thieves. I don’t need to add any more mechanical crunch to this factor, I just inform the party “ hey, you look like you’re carrying a lot of money, better be careful going forward” and plan my encounters accordingly.

Instituting this cap likewise prevents gold from losing all meaning once the party is high enough level to have found their second or third treasure hoard. Sure, they might be living it up in an aristocratic lifestyle back home, but when it comes to set out into the wilderness they suddenly have to think of GP as a resource along with spellslots and hitdie. Getting robbed, forced to give bribes, or simply losing their coin pouch suddenly becomes an actual threat to them regardless of level.

Resources:  The party has a pool refereed to as resources, representing their holdings, relationships with patrons, and personal enterprise. The party’s total resources are pooled, and are represented on a scale from 1-50.

Every week, provided they have contract with their economic network, each member of the party party receives earnings equal to 12.5 gp x (the party’s total resources) representing them drawing a living from the connections they’ve already made (working a trade, doing odd jobs, getting payouts from investments) 

In order to obtain a new level of wealth, the party must either invest 500gp per point of wealth they which to obtain into a new or ongoing business project (either their own, or that of a trusted contact).  Alternatively, the party can get their resource pool boosted by forming agreements with tradesfolk or wealthy patrons, who may grant the party such agreements out of friendship or as part of a reward for doing quests. Resources are recorded with a number beside them, representing how much of the party’s total resource pool they represent. This is so that if something happens to jeopardize that resource, the party knows exactly how much of their earnings are up in the air.

For example, a party that saves a merchant captain from pirates early on in their adventures might be rewarded with a share of her ship’s takings, gaining 1 point of resources. In the future, they may pour some of their adventuring loot into her business, increasing their total amount of holdings with her to 6, and their weekly payout to 75gp. If that captain and her ship were then lost in a storm, those resources would be frozen, halting the party’s payouts and encouraging them to discover just what it was happened to their friend as the base of a new adventurehook. 

Buying against Resources:  D&D is weird in that it prices magic items, ships and castles like they can be bought off the rack, when in any pre-industrial society most “new” things would have to be constructed from scratch with labours and artisans paid a steady amount over months or years until the thing was complete and then delivering it directly into the hands of the one who commissioned them. Sure a weaponsmith or apothecary would likely have a storeroom full of items to sell to clients walking in off the street, but shipyards aren't spending years churning out galleys to leave them waiting for a buyer like a used car lot.

Because plenty of games involve at least a section where a party might establish a fortress,  fix up a ruined estate, or commission a magical artifact, it helps to have a guideline:  Find the base price of the item, chop it in half if the party or one of their business contacts can source the resources (or if they’re fixing something that’s broken) Next they need to pay for labour, “reserving” points out of their own resource pool to hire on workers and supplementary materials, divide the item’s price by (500x the number of resource points the party is willing to spend) to find how many months it’ll take for the item to be finished. Note that during this time, the party’s effective resource score is reduced by the amount they’ve reserved. This makes it possible for a mid level party to start refurbishing their dream castle early, rather than having it simply poof into existence once they’re too high level to really get use out of it.

Ongoing Services: Rather than worry about keeping track of hirelings, or a number of other factors, I let my party reserve points off their resource pool indefinitly to retain the services of NPCs. Each “holding” the party has (buisness, ship, estate) likewise requires one resource kept in reservation for general maintenance, unless the party want to take a month off and maintain it themselves.

A party that owned a tavern then might reserve one resource to maintain their establishment , another to pay for the staff, and begin to think about hiring on some guards for a third as something is causing fights to break out more frequently.

Another party which owned a pirate ship, they’d reserve one resource to maintain the ship, another to pay the crew, and a third to bribe the harbormaster who looks the other way when they bring unsanctioned goods into harbor. After hearing about their big score however, their corrupt contact asks for yet another resource worth of bribes, potentially stretching the party’s resources a bit thin.

Using Resources to be a merchant:  If pirates come up often in this post it’s because I drove myself half mad several years ago trying to run a skyship campaign, and the logistics of hullspace v supplies v the staggering price of trade goods v market demand drove me up the wall. I lacked a simple system that would let my party FEEL like they were high-risk traders without having to slow the game down with accounting. Here’s my Alternative: there’s a special type of resource called “goods” connected to caravans and trade vessels, which can be expanded like any other. At the end of every month who’s ever in charge of that venture (Player or npc) makes a mercantilism roll ( possibly charisma, possibly wisdom, + some relevant proficiency) for each of those goods based against a DC set by the dm regarding how good trade is doing in that region.  If it’s a success, the markets are flowing, and the goods rating goes up by 1. If it’s a failure, they go nowhere, as no profit is made. If they fail by 10 or more, those goods loose one point due to bad investment, and if they succeed by 10 or more, the goods double. When the party receives their payment, they can chose to cash out for 500gp per point of good, possibly then reinvesting in the venture.

[doberbutts]

So after seeing your post about BES I finally started watching it and damn. DAMN. People saw Mizu and can’t understand why transmascs gravitate to this story???????? I’m pretty sure “using bandages to bind chest” is like one of THE TOP symbolic moves that transmascs gravitate to when it comes to our (admittedly lackluster) representation in media.

Also, I feel like a lot of people get really weird about the idea that a story about empowering women and a story that’s relatable to transmascs aren’t mutually exclusive. I won’t speak for everyone but personally I like stories like this that don’t shy away from representing people whose AGAB doesn’t align with their outward actions.

And! Personally! As a man who is East Asian living in the US and has a higher voice even after 5 years on T, characters like Mizu rekindle my hope that one day I’ll be able to pass as flawlessly as him lol. Characters like Mizu, Mulan, Haruhi (from ouran high school host club) always seem to spark that little bit of hope in me… that maybe one day I won’t have to try so hard to be accepted and people will just see me and assume I’m a boy without me having to correct them… or at the very least, that they’d refrain from using any gendered language towards me until they ask and find out what I want to be referred as.

Oh for sure. It's like the Mulan thing. Like I'm sorry but you put "when will my reflection show who I am inside" and "who is that girl" and "why is my reflection a stranger" and you're mad that trans guys went "wow where'd you get that picture of me" like??? In a deleted scene, Mizu tries to play with her feminity in the mirror at the brothel and ultimately scowls and doesn't like what she sees- and you're trying to tell me that it's *not* supposed to be relateable to trans mascs trying to be feminine women and hating what they see reflected back at them?

Like you said, it's not that I'm mad that this is a story about empowering women and featuring a highly GNC woman as its main character. It's just annoying, and more importantly highly concerning, that people seem to think that because it's about empowering masculine women that trans mascs can't or shouldn't see any of themselves in it. I'm an entire grownass binary trans man and throughout my entire life I have felt more seen and more fellowship with masculine women both fictional and real than I have with anyone else except specific gay cis men who were very gender themselves.

And yeah. As your existence proves, it's not like East Asian trans mascs aren't real??? Like I'm sure there's nuance there that I'm missing because despite being biracial I'm not Asian and *definitely* not Japanese. But acting like characters like Haruhi, or Mizu, or Mulan [Chinese] *can't* be trans mascs because that'a inherently disrespectful to East Asian women is just plain erasing the fact that, um, Japanese and Korean and Chinese and Thai and Vietnamese and more trans mascs absolutely do exist and have existed as long as gender has existed.

[hairstevington]

Freaky Friday (Steddie's Version)

Eddie Munson x Steve Harrington

Summary: Dustin is fed up when his two friends, Eddie and Steve, hate each other for stupid reasons. The universe decides to bring them together by having them switch bodies until they get over themselves. Link to Ao3

Chapter 2 ~ Chapter 3 ~ Chapter 4 ~ Chapter 5

Word Count: 7K, more chapters to come

Warnings: Enemies to lovers, slow(ish??) burn, canon universe (more or less) set before season 4, Dustin gets bullied at the beginning which is a bit sad but it's brief, body swap, angst, revenge, POV switching, Steddie both love Dustin so much, honestly just tons of fun lmao

A/N: A while back I made this post where I had a Steddie AU idea I never really got out of my head and then I started writing it and now I can't stop lmao. FYI this starts in third person Dustin POV but switches to Steve/Eddie midway! Please enjoy, I'll have it up on Ao3 soon probably like I do with everything else :)

Dustin had enough of this shit. 

He had been bummed that Steve graduated from Hawkins high the year before Dustin entered the ninth grade. Having Steve there would have been a buffer for Dustin, who - although he rarely admitted it - actually didn’t like being unpopular. As much as he hated being the victim of bullying, he hated the thought of changing himself even more - which is why he refused to. 

He showed up to his first day of high school in his Weird Al shirt, because he would be damned to give an inaccurate impression of himself. He knew that after graduation, he’d turn out better than all the other assholes at the school anyway. He was smarter than them, he was better than them. He could get through four years of their bullshit until he proved that. 

Although…Having Steve around would have made it a lot easier. 

But, whatever. Steve had graduated. Dustin still called him all the time, and they hung out every so often, but Dustin knew that nineteen year olds didn’t have a lot in common with fourteen year olds, at least not enough to hang out regularly. They were like brothers, more than anything, and they were in a weird spot. 

Thankfully, through some grace of God, Dustin met Eddie. 

It was bound to happen, considering Dustin had wanted to join the Hellfire Club anyway. He’s already informed the rest of the group - Mike and Lucas - so that the three of them could still play DnD together. Lucas had seemed hesitant, but that was to be expected. Things were changing. 

He missed Will. Will would have loved Hellfire, had he not been in California. 

Dustin met Eddie Munson at lunch - his first lunch in high school. The food Hawkins High served was mildly disturbing and likely lacked any nutritional value, so Dustin was grateful that his mother had kept up the tradition of packing him a lunch special for his first day. She even included chocolate pudding, since it was his favorite. 

Mike and Lucas weren’t going to be at lunch on the first day, because Lucas wanted to check out the basketball team, and Mike wanted to see if he could call El - she wasn’t starting school until the following week. This meant that Dustin was alone in the cafeteria, and he wasn’t entirely prepared to face the brutal sting of rejection, so he didn’t want to just pick a random table and try to make friends. He already had friends, they just weren’t there. 

He stopped in his tracks and scanned the room, pondering his next move. There was no way he’d sit with the jocks or the cheerleaders, and the rest of the tables were unrecognizable in terms of what cliques they represented. This was nothing like he’d seen in movies - he didn’t even really know who the popular ones were versus the unpopular ones. 

He must have been standing there for a bit too long, because suddenly he was nudged hard in the shoulder. 

“Move it, loser,” a guy twice his size said. “You’re in everybody’s way.”

“S-sorry,” Dustin apologized. He took a few steps backward, deciding to just start walking and see what happens, but then he bumped into someone else. 

“Jesus, kid,” another voice said. “You’re like a pinball.” 

Dustin looked up to see a tall, rather intimidating man with long, curly brown hair. He was dressed in denim and leather, the Hellfire logo splayed across his chest. He looked way too old to be a high school student, but way too scary to be a faculty member. 

Not scary in a dangerous way - Dustin had experienced enough real danger that most normal things didn’t faze him - but scary in a way where Dustin felt the person standing in front of him had some kind of power in the school. A reputation, at least, whether it be good or bad. 

“Welcome back, Freak,” another random student remarked at him as they walked past. Dustin watched as the enigmatic metalhead flipped the student off with zero hesitation.

Ah, so it was for sure a bad reputation. Noted. 

“So, I’m the school freak,” he said, theatrically bowing as he introduced myself. “Eddie. Eddie Munson. And you are…”

“Dustin Henderson,” he answered without a second thought.

“I was going to say -” Eddie continued, “- you are….wearing a Weird Al shirt. Bold move for your first day, Dustin Henderson.”

“How did you know it was my first day?” Dustin asked, grateful to be having some sort of civil conversation, even if he had no idea where it was going. 

“Just a hunch,” Eddie replied with a shrug. Dustin looked back at Eddie’s shirt. 

“You're in Hellfire?” he asked. Eddie grinned, then pointed at a table where a bunch of people were wearing the same shirts. 

“Hellfire is my pride and joy. We play a game called Dungeons and Dragons, have you heard of it?” Before Dustin could confirm, Eddie kept talking. “Of course you’ve heard of it, look at you. You’re one of us, I know it.” Eddie gestured for Dustin to follow him to the Hellfire table, which he gladly did. 

“Eddie, who’s this?” a member seated at the table asked when they approached. 

“This, Gareth, is Dustin, and he’s sitting with us today.” Eddie pointed at an available seat, then looped around to his own. Dustin noticed a textbook in front of Gareth and chimed in. 

“You’re taking chemistry?” he asked. Gareth nodded. “That’s cool. I love chemistry. I went to this awesome summer camp called Camp Know Where -”

“Sorry, sorry, sorry,” Eddie interrupted. “Did you just say you love chemistry? What kind of kid actually enjoys that shit? Are you a masochist? I failed that class twice.” Eddie’s rambling was entertaining, to say the least. 

“Isn’t Camp Know Where that science program where all the geniuses go?” another person at the table asked.

“Jesus Christ,” Eddie exclaimed dramatically. “Okay, Dustin Henderson. I will protect you, since you so desperately need the protection. In return, you will join Hellfire, and occasionally help me with homework because you’re obviously smarter than half the people in this school. Deal?”

“Only half?” Dustin joked - although, it wasn’t really a joke. Dustin knew for a fact he was smarter than at least 75% of the school. “Fine, I accept these terms. Can my friends Mike and Lucas join too?” Eddie rolled his eyes and sighed.

“You’re killing me,” he said. “Yeah, yeah. Bring all the Freshies in, I guess. No one will come near you if you stick with us, but you’ll avoid being stuffed in lockers at least.” That seemed like a good enough deal to Dustin, for now. “Alright, kid. Welcome to Hellfire.”

-

Dustin recounted this entire interaction with Steve the moment he’d gotten home from school. 

“Eugh, Hellfire?” Steve said over the phone, acting disgusted. “That club’s for nerds.”

“Earth to Steve, I am a nerd,” Dustin deadpanned. “And Eddie said -”

“Oh god, not Munson,” Steve groaned. “That guy’s trouble, I swear. Seriously, you should get out of this while you can.”

“And go where?” Dustin retorted, starting to get agitated. “It’s not like I can float through school like you did by joining all the sports teams. I’m gonna be made fun of either way, and you know it.” Steve was silent on the line for a bit, knowing that Dustin was right. 

“I wish I could be there to watch over you, ya know,” he said at last. 

“Yeah, I wish you could too, but I have Eddie at least.”

Eddie. Ugh. Steve hated that guy. He was always doing something weird and dramatic to try to get a reaction from people. 

“Yeah, okay. But I’ll kick his ass if he tries anything, alright?” Dustin laughed. 

“Sure you will, Buddy.” 

-

Mike and Lucas were far more terrified of Eddie than Dustin was. He knew why - Eddie had shown a bit of kindness that first day, but he wasn’t usually like that. Eddie was the kind of guy who loved attention, and he knew the best way for him to get it was through negative attention. He consistently made an ass of himself. 

Dustin enjoyed it. Mike and Lucas didn’t not enjoy it, but they still felt like he was unhinged. Maybe he was. Dustin didn’t think about it that much. 

Him and Eddie had bonded pretty quickly, especially since Dustin would hang around after lunch or club meetings to talk about homework. Eddie had a lot of questions, and he was kind of a horrible student. This was especially evident when Dustin discovered he was a third year senior, which explained why the guy looked so goddamn old. 

“Damn,” Dustin said once he found out. “You’re even older than Steve. Wait - you might know Steve actually. He graduated last year. Steve Harrington?”

Eddie Munson did an actual spit take with his soda. Dustin had only ever seen that in movies.

“No shit,” Eddie responded. “You know that asshole?”

“He’s not an asshole,” Dustin replied immediately, quick to defend his friend. “He’s awesome.”

Dustin opened his mouth to continue, but it was hard to explain why Steve was awesome when he had to leave Upside Down stuff out of it. He totally saved us from a bunch of Demodogs, and one time he got tortured for information underground by evil Russians. Dustin considered mentioning the time Steve protected the kids from Billy - that was unrelated to the secret world the group had been privy to - but, considering Hargrove’s death, it felt in bad taste to bring up now.

“So you’re trying to tell me that you’re friends with the guy?” Eddie asked suspiciously. “Why? I mean, why would he be friends with a kid so much younger than him?”

“Why are you?” Dustin retorted. Eddie chuckled. 

“Touche. But I know why I’m friends with a bunch of kids, why is he?”

“It’s complicated,” Dustin replied with a shrug. “But Steve’s pulled through for me a lot. He’s cool. You should give him a chance.”

“Give him a chance? I don’t ever see him. Are you trying to have us all hang out for a slumber party or something?” Dustin shook his head and was about to respond, but Eddie was on a roll (as usual). “Listen, Henderson. You’re cool and all, and I’m glad you joined our little clan here. But you wouldn’t want to hang out with me outside of this hellhole we call school, and I certainly wouldn’t want to hang out with Steve goddamn Harrington.”

There was a definitive finality to his statement that let Dustin know there was no point in arguing. But it did leave him wondering what exactly had happened to cause them to dislike each other so much.

-

Dustin blew through his first few weeks of school like this. He’d visit Steve and mention Eddie, and Steve would complain about how Eddie was a bad influence and would probably get arrested before graduation, if he ever did graduate. Any time Dustin brought up Steve in Hellfire, Eddie would groan and complain about the forced conformity and bullshit societal infrastructure at the high school that separated the good from the bad and blah blah blah. Dustin probably had that speech damn near memorized. Eddie seemed to hate the jocks, and for decent enough reason - the jocks hated him. And Dustin knew that Steve was kind of a dick in high school, but he’d changed now. 

So, yeah. He’d had enough. He just thought that if maybe he could get the two of them in the same room, they’d start to understand why Dustin liked each of them so much. They were both good guys who were protective of him, and he wanted them to get along, dammit!

Steve always went to the basketball games to support Lucas and the rest of the team, which was nice. On nights where the games coincided with Hellfire, Steve would drive Dustin home after. 

On one of these nights, Dustin hatched a bit of a plan. Usually, Hellfire got out before the game was over, so Dustin would meet Steve outside of the gym. This time, Dustin intentionally stayed late to help Eddie clean up and talk his ear off about his upcoming biology report. Eddie seemed to be in decent enough spirits, fresh off another successful campaign, and Steve was in a good mood because he now had a job again with Robin. It gave him money to take women out on dates, which he did often. 

As Dustin chatted with Eddie, there was a pounding on the door. 

“Hey, Dipshit!” Steve called from the other side. “Are you in there? Did Munson kill you or something?” Dustin grimaced as he gaged Eddie’s reaction to the comment, but thankfully Eddie seemed amused more than anything. 

“Sure did,” Eddie shouted back with a grin. “Bite me, Harrington.” Dustin rolled his eyes. 

“I’m fine, Steve!” he yelled. “Come in!” 

“You’re inviting him into my sacred space?” Eddie asked with feigned offense. 

“Your sacred space?” Dustin mocked. “You mean the drama club room? Based on the shit I’ve heard, it’s the least sacred spot on school property.” Eddie was laughing as Steve opened the door and came in. 

“You guys making fun of me?” he asked, his chest puffed out in his silly Steve way. Dustin didn’t find Steve or Eddie that intimidating, because he saw right through their tough guy act. They were both goofballs. 

“Always,” Eddie replied, returning to his cleaning tasks. “So, you’re Dustin’s ride home huh? How’d you guys become friends in the first place?” Steve hesitated, facing the same issue Dustin had when he’d been asked the same thing. Thankfully, he’d had more time to prepare since then. 

“Steve used to date Mike’s sister,” Dustin stated plainly. Steve opened his mouth to object to the sharing of that information, but then Dustin added - “And then I annoyed him into being my friend.” 

“That’s not really -” Steve grimaced, then realized that was the best version of the story either of them could provide. “Yeah, okay. The kid really worms his way into your heart.”

“I know, right?” Eddie replied absentmindedly. Dustin was thrilled to see them agree on something. It was a moment where he hoped they’d realize they could actually get along. “I remember when you dated Nancy Wheeler. I’m surprised it didn’t work out, since you were so perfect for each other.”

Okay, so maybe they wouldn’t get along. The way Eddie had said the word perfect almost seemed like an insult. To Eddie, it was. Dustin noticed Steve tensing and felt the need to mediate. 

“Anyway,” he said, searching for something, anything, to redirect the conversation. He wasn’t sure when he was gonna get them in the same room again, so he couldn’t just leave. “How was the game, Steve?” Eddie rolled his eyes when Steve lit up again. 

“We lost,” he answered. Dustin noticed Eddie hiding a smirk under one of his ringed hands. “It’s a shame they keep Lucas on the bench, although he’s a Freshman so it makes sense I guess. I mean, that’s how it always has been.” 

“You mean to tell me,” Eddie interjected. Oh boy. “- that a high school sports team values a players popularity over their talent?” He scoffed. “Probably why you got so much airtime, right Harrington?”

Oh Jesus Christ this is bad. This is going badly. Steve was clearly offended by that comment, and rightfully so. 

“Eddie, can you just - be nice?” Dustin pleaded. 

“Since when am I nice?” Eddie shot back, picking the last of his papers up and stuffing them in his bag. 

“You’re nice to me,” Dustin pointed out. 

“Yeah, because I like you,” Eddie replied, “-and as I’ve said to you multiple times, I don’t like him.” Eddie gestured vaguely in Steve’s direction. 

“What did I ever even do to you, Munson?” Steve questioned, finally deciding to stand up for himself. “Seriously man, you’re being a dick.” 

“I know what you think of me,” Eddie answered plainly. “I’m just calling it like I see it.” 

“Okay, well this has been sufficiently awkward and horrible,” Dustin sighed, finally giving up. “I was wrong, you two are hopeless. Eddie, Steve’s right. You’re being a dick.” That accusation actually did seem to have an effect on Eddie, even though he tried not to let it show. “Steve, let’s go home.”

On the walk to the car, Steve had already seemed to brush the whole interaction off. 

“I told you that guy’s no good,” he said. “Thanks for defending me, by the way.” 

“I promise he’s not usually like that,” Dustin assured him. But, come to think of it, that kind of was how Eddie usually spoke to people, especially the popular kids. But Dustin was in Hellfire, he was one of them, as Eddie said, and he treated the freaks far differently and with more respect. 

His two cool older guy friends were bound to hate each other, he realized. No getting around it, no point in trying to change it.

_______________________________________

Eddie had gone to Family Video countless times over the years, because what else were people supposed to do in Hawkins, Indiana? It was cheaper and involved less people than going to the movies, and it was something to entertain him while he was home. 

Imagine his surprise when he walked into the store one day and saw none other than Steve Harrington behind the counter. 

The green vest Steve was forced to wear was a lot more masculine than the get-up he’d worn at Scoops Ahoy over the Summer. Eddie had the pleasure of seeing him a few times at the mall in his little short shorts and stupid hat, and it was an image he sorely missed. Seeing King Steve pathetically dressed and striking out with women post-graduation? Delicious. 

He’d only let himself visit once, although he may have done it again had the mall not burned down. But alas, Steve’s sailor outfit days were short-lived, and now he was back to being the same old boring jock he always had been - just now, he didn’t even play sports. 

Eddie may have been in his third go-around of senior year, but at least he wasn’t pretending he was someone he wasn’t. He embraced his freak nature, and had grown comfortable in it. Life hadn’t been kind enough to him to give him the option of the niceties people like Steve took advantage of. 

“Hey, man,” Steve greeted him as he entered the door. He was so nonchalant about it, like he didn’t even care about Eddie’s presence. Eddie didn’t care too much about Steve being there, except he did. There was a fire in Eddie's dislike for Steve that seemed one sided. Steve being almost indifferent made Eddie hate him even more. “Let me know if I can help you find anything.” Eddie ignored Steve’s surprisingly sincere customer service and went directly to the row of movies he always went to. He scanned the selection - it looked about the same as it had the last ten times he’d reviewed it - then picked one of his favorites and brought it to the counter. 

Steve didn’t say anything more than that as he went through the rental process. It was all over in less than two minutes, and Eddie was mildly disappointed in the lack of drama. If Steve wasn’t an asshole, then what? Was Eddie the asshole all along?

Yeah. Yeah, he absolutely was.

He was on his way out when he stopped, then spun on his heels to face Steve at the counter again. 

“Listen, man,” he began. Steve looked up from the pile of VHS tapes he was sorting, seemingly unbothered by any of this. “I’m sorry about, uh - about the other night.”

“Thanks,” Steve responded with a nod. Eddie could never really just leave things alone, though. 

“Dustin was right,” he continued. 

“The little shit usually is.” Steve had returned his gaze to the movies in front of him. 

“Yeah,” Eddie chuckled, a bit too forcefully in an attempt to ease the tension. “I’ll see you around, then.”

“See ya,” Steve responded. Eddie pouted, not satisfied with how that went, and he wasn’t sure why. But whatever. He was gonna go home, get high, and watch the movie. A good night was ahead. 

He paused at the door when the phone rang, pretending to get distracted by a cardboard cutout near the window. 

“Family Video,” Steve said on the phone. “Woah, shit. Dustin, calm down. Where are you?” This got Eddie’s attention, and he raced back to the counter. “Okay, I’ll figure something out.” 

“What’s up with Henderson?” Eddie asked, his concern growing. 

“I guess some guys are picking on him. He called from the side of the road on a pay phone near the power plant.”

“Jesus, what did they do to him? Is he okay?”

“He’s great, that’s why he called,” Steve shot back sarcastically. He ran a hand through his hair and sighed. “I don’t know if I can just leave my shift since I just started this job like three days ago. Shit.”

“I’ll go,” Eddie offered. “The plant is right by my place anyway. Don’t sweat it.” Steve eyed Eddie suspiciously, then nodded.

“Okay, I guess. Just - can you call here once you know he’s safe?”

“Sure thing, Harrington.” It was a brief, genuine moment between the two of them, both desperate to protect the tiny child they each adored so much. 

And with that, Eddie bolted out of Family Video, to his van, and towards the plant. 

Dustin had apparently been chased down and recaptured after he called Steve, because Eddie found him tied to a pole a bit further down the street. 

“Eddie!” he yelled once they locked eyes. “Get me out of this shit!” 

Dustin was doing his damndest to break free from the binds, but it was no use. Eddie took his pocket knife out from where he always kept them tucked in his jeans and got to work, successfully freeing the little twerp once he stopped squirming. 

“Who did this? Where are they?” Eddie felt the heat rising in his chest, up his neck, and to his cheeks. “How’d they even get a hold of you? Why are you all the way over here? What -”

“Jesus, Eddie,” Dustin interrupted him. “It doesn’t matter. I just wanna go home.”

Eddie looked Dustin up and down and noticed a bruise forming on his jaw. 

“Come on, my trailer is right there,” Eddie said, pointing in the vague direction of Forest Hills. “Let’s get you cleaned up first.” 

_______________________________________

Steve tried to wait idly by while he entrusted a guy like Eddie to go rescue Dustin. He tried to do the responsible thing for once and stay at his stupid job so he could keep said job. He tried not to think about how Eddie could have been behind this whole thing, for all he knew. Some sick twisted mind game. He tried not to think about any of that. 

He lasted two minutes before he called Robin and begged her to fill in. She accepted after a few minutes of persuasion - after all, Steve didn’t ask her for things very often, and he always drove her around, so she kinda owed him. It took her about fifteen agonizing minutes to get there, and just as she walked in the door, the phone rang. 

“Family video,” he greeted, hoping a familiar voice would be on the other end. 

“Steve, it’s me,” Dustin’s voice called through the phone. “I’m at Eddie’s. I’m okay.”

“Where does he live?” Steve asked, still hellbent on leaving. 

“At the trailer park. You don’t have to -”

Steve dropped the phone and ran out the door, not even bothering to hang it back up on the receiver. He headed to Forest Hills, and was thankfully able to locate Eddie’s trailer pretty quickly due to the beat-up red van parked in front of it. He stumbled out of his own car as soon as it stopped, nearly forgetting to take his keys from the ignition. Maybe it was silly for him to worry about Dustin so much, but after what they’d been through together, Steve had learned to treat everything as life or death. 

The door pushed open from the stress of his knock alone, so he let himself in. 

Eddie’s place was small, messy, and smelled of smoke. But, it was clear the place was a home. Steve’s house was a hundred times bigger and somehow contained less. 

“Dustin?” Steve called as he walked deeper into the living room. “Eddie?”

“Bathroom!” Steve followed the voice down the hall to where Eddie was tending to a bruise forming on Dustin’s jaw. 

“Who did this? Where are they?” Eddie chuckled, and Steve almost lashed out because of it, but then Eddie explained. 

“That’s exactly what I said when I found him, Harrington.” Steve took note of the care that Eddie was actually putting into his first aid. It was surprisingly gentle. “Good luck getting him to rat the bastards out.”

“I told you, it doesn’t matter,” Dustin groaned. 

“Whoever it was, we can take ‘em,” Steve insisted. He noticed Eddie smirk at the inclusion of them both taking the bullies down.

“You idiots!” Dustin snapped, standing up from where he was sitting on the lip of the bathtub. “Don’t you get it? I don’t want you to ‘take ‘em.’ It was embarrassing enough to have them pick on me, I don’t need you guys to go down there and humiliate me even more.”

“We’re just trying to protect you, man,” Eddie replied. 

“I don’t need protection!” Dustin shouted, causing Eddie and Steve to back up. “My bike isn’t far. I’m going home. Eddie, thanks for cutting me down. Steve, thanks for leaving work when I asked you to. You’re both really good friends, and I appreciate it. I just want to go home.” 

It broke Steve’s heart to know that Dustin was getting picked on. He just wanted to help, but he understood the whole pride thing. Steve had fought many uphill battles in the past in the name of saving face. Ironically, his face was usually what took the brunt of the consequences. 

“You sure you’re gonna be -” Eddie began to ask the question before Steve was able to, but stopped himself when Dustin shot a glare at them both. “Right, okay. Can you just call when you get home okay?”

“Me too,” Steve added. 

“Okay, mom and dad,” Dustin replied, rolling his eyes. “Or, Steve could stay here ten minutes and then I’d only have to make one call. Unless you guys will murder each other by then.”

“Jury’s out,” Eddie muttered. Steve felt like it was a joke, but also Eddie gave off psycho killer vibes, so anything was possible. “Sure, Harrington. You can stay here until he gets home.”

Steve wanted to think of a witty comeback, but his head was empty. He could stay, and then he figured he should get back to work. 

“Fine,” he agreed. “But the moment you walk through your door, got it?”

“Yes, dad,” Dustin deadpanned. 

“I thought I was dad,” Eddie cut in. 

“You think I’m mom?” 

“Ten minutes, no murders,” Dustin reminded them before heading out the door. There was a beat of silence before Steve and Eddie turned to each other once again. 

“So, we’re definitely gonna go to that plant and kick some ass, right?” Eddie asked, his tone completely devoid of its usual teasing. Steve smirked. 

“Finally, we’re on the same page,” he replied. 

Ten minutes later, Dustin called as promised. Seconds after the call disconnected, Steve and Eddie made a beeline for the front door. 

-

It was getting dark, even though it was a bit too early for the sun to set. Clouds were forming in the sky, a bleak omen of the impending storm that neither Eddie nor Steve had prepared for. 

They walked to the plant in silence, because what was there to be said? They were going to tolerate each other to defeat the common enemy. 

A group of misfits were in fact still camped out under one of the towers. They were all smoking and laughing and spouting nonsensical vitriol about the student body - kids like Dustin, as well as the women of the school. If Eddie and Steve weren’t heated already, the few comments they’d overheard sent them over the edge. 

“Hey!” Steve shouted, cutting one of the guys off. Five pairs of eyes flickered over to the pair, who’d realized once they were in the situation that they were vastly outnumbered. 

“Steve Harrington?” One of the boys questioned. “What are you doing over here?”

“And with Munson?” Another added. “I never thought I’d see the two of you together.”

“Neither did I,” Steve and Eddie said in unison. They glanced at each other, awkwardly acknowledging that they’d said the same thing at the same time, then hastily moved on. 

“Is this about the boy?” The leader of the group was probably a Junior, and shorter than both Eddie and Steve, but he had enough audacity to make up for it. 

“Found him tied to a pole,” Eddie reminded them through gritted teeth. This was news to Steve, who’s blood boiled at the thought. A few years prior, Tommy and Carol used to do shit like that. Maybe not to that extent, but it was all the same. 

“Why do you care so much about that dumbass anyway?” The leader (was his name Chad?) asked. 

“He’s totally harmless,” Steve said.

“Us on the other hand…” Eddie interjected. 

“Oh yeah,” Steve agreed. “I’ve been known to throw a punch, and Eddie over here  is actually insane, I’m pretty sure.”

“Aw, thanks man,” Eddie grinned devilishly, smacking Steve on the back. “Our point being, you stay away from Henderson and we won’t break anything, okay?”

Thunder cracked in the distance, followed by a flash of lightning. 

“Yeah, okay,” Chad mocked. “We’re not scared of you.” Eddie and Steve looked at each other, shrugged, then both trudged forward. Eddie took Chad while Steve went for the one who appeared to be second in command. They each pushed them against the metal pillars, gripping them by the collar of their shirts, and drawing their other hand back into a fist. 

“How about now?” Eddie asked with darkness in his eyes. 

“Let’s get out of here,” one of the others in the group said, and within moments the other three bullies scampered away into the night. 

“Some loyal friends you got there,” Eddie teased. Steve was getting agitated at how many stupid quips Eddie had. Was he supposed to be all quippy too? Was that the secret to winning one of these goddamn things?

Thunder rumbled again, this time much louder than before. Rain started to fall hard against their skin, distracting them enough for the two pathetic bullies to slip from their gasps and follow their friends out of sight. 

“Shit,” Steve groaned, realizing that they’d just made a fool of themselves. “Not only did we not hurt them, but they’re definitely going to tell people about it, and then -”

“Is that seriously what you’re worried about right now?” Eddie interrupted, the rage in him still burning. “Your reputation? Claaassic Steve Harrington, always thinking about himself.”

“That’s not what I was saying, asshole,” Steve responded. “Dustin’s going to find out, and then -”

“So what if he does?” Eddie asked. Steve was sick and tired of being interrupted. “If they mess with him again, then -”

“Could you let me finish a goddamn sentence? Holy shit,” Steve exclaimed, thoroughly irritated. The rain was falling steadily now, the drops heavy as they hit him. His hair was already starting to feel weighed down to his scalp. Perfect. Just perfect. “Dustin told us not to do anything, and then we did, okay? So what do you think that little shrimp’s gonna do when he finds out, huh?”

“He’ll handle it, Harrington,” Eddie shot back. “He’s a big boy.”

“Oh, come on!” Steve groaned. “Don’t give me that bullshit when ten minutes ago you dropped everything to rescue him like he was some lost puppy.”

“Because he was tied to a pole!” Eddie responded. 

“That would have been helpful to know before we headed out here, by the way.” Steve put his hands on his hips and planted his feet in the mud. It was way too late to worry about his appearance, now. 

“Oh, Jesus H. Christ,” Eddie sighed, taking a step towards Steve. “You’re just as awful as I thought you were.”

“Oh, really?” Steve said, taking another step forward to meet Eddie. “Back atcha.”

“Fuck off.”

“Fuck off.”

There was another loud crack of thunder as both of them shoved the other at the same time, causing them both to stumble backwards until they each hit one of the metal pillars extending down from the plant. 

A flash of light. A quick, searing pain. Then, they each dropped to their knees and fell into the mud. 

-

It felt like a sudden hangover, and a bad one. Eddie opened his eyes and cringed at the feeling of mud under his fingernails and up his arms. 

For a moment, he’d forgotten how he ended up on the ground. It felt like he was somewhere different, and he wasn’t sure why. He sat up, extremely disoriented, and then focused on a similar crumpled heap across from him. It took a second for Eddie to make out Steve’s features in the dark, but then his head angled upwards, their eyes met, and everything got a whole lot more complicated. 

“Steve…” Eddie began, speaking slowly. He couldn’t believe what he was seeing. “Why the hell do you look like me, man?”

The man across from him had the same features Eddie had come to know in his own reflection - the same style, same hair, same everything, but no - that didn’t make any sense. 

“I was going to ask you the same thing,” the man replied. The man, who answered to Steve, but couldn’t possibly be. No, Eddie was dreaming. He’d done some hallucinogenic and forgot and now he was tripping. That had to be the case. 

They both stood up, mirroring each other, and for a moment Eddie thought that maybe that’s all this was. Some trick of the light. Maybe, there was a mirror at the power plant for some reason, and he was just staring at himself. Sure, the other guy responded to him, but he couldn’t think about that.

He waved at himself, but the guy across from him didn’t wave back. There went the mirror theory. 

It was still raining, but it had lightened up quite a bit. The two men took a few tentative steps towards each other, their eyes adjusting. 

“So, this is…I mean, we are…” Eddie fumbled over words that didn’t make sense. 

“What kind of weird cult shit did you do to me?” Steve accused, his voice rising. “Did you drug me? Sacrifice me to the devil or something?”

“Dude, are you fucking serious right now?” Eddie groaned, throwing his head back. “I didn’t do shit.”

“Then what happened?” Steve snapped. “How did we - Like, you’re seeing this too, right?”

“Yeah, I’m seeing it.” Eddie finally took a moment to look down, noticing a vastly different wardrobe than the one he remembered putting on. 

Including a green vest. 

“Holy shit,” Steve said. It was weird hearing his voice with Steve’s words. 

The idea of saying it out loud - dude, we switched bodies - seemed too batshit insane to consider. So, naturally, Eddie did what he knew best. 

“No. Nope. Not happening.” he shook his head and took off towards his trailer. 

“Hey. Hey!” Eddie’s own voice echoed behind him, followed by footsteps that got louder and louder as Eddie desperately tried to get away. He didn’t even look back until he was safely in his trailer again, the feeling of home making him feel slightly more at ease. “Dude, we gotta figure this out.” Steve followed him in, of course. 

“Why? Why do we have to? Why can’t I just shower and go to sleep and hopefully wake up from this nightmare?”

“Because I don’t think we’re gonna wake up,” Steve said with a shrug. “And because if you shower right now you’re gonna see my dick, and so I think we should, like, talk first.” Eddie barked out a bitter laugh.

“Don’t flatter yourself, Harrington. Would you feel better if I bought you dinner first?” He continued to walk down the hall to his bathroom, where first aid supplies were still strewn about, and that’s when he caught himself in the mirror.

Sure enough, Steve Harrington stared back at him. He looked a little worse for wear with his hair wet and disheveled and streaks of mud on his face, but no amount of dirt could change the pretty boy Steve was and always would be. He nearly spat at the image. Eddie’s familiar figure joined him in the bathroom, where they stood shoulder to shoulder and stared at themselves for an absurd amount of time. It was the closest they’d ever been to each other for more than a few fleeting seconds, but they were too stunned to do anything about their proximity. 

“Okay, so…” Steve said, watching Eddie’s mouth move as he said it.

“I’m you,” Eddie responded, finishing the thought. 

“And I’m you,” Steve finished. Their eyes stayed focused on their reflections for a while longer. How long exactly, it was tough to say. 

“So, what the fuck do we do now, then?” Eddie asked, finally breaking his gaze to look at Steve - er, himself, he guessed. 

What did they do now? That was certainly the question. 

____________________________

Steve had gotten used to weird shit happening to him, but this was a whole new world of weird. 

“I guess…” Steve searched for a plan, but he had no semblance of one. His head was completely empty. Probably because I’m using Eddie’s head, he thought to himself. “I should call Robin and tell her I’m not coming back to work.”

“You mean I should call Robin, since I am you now apparently.” Steve scoffed.

“You’re not me, alright? You just look like me, for some reason,” he argued. “Maybe we should call Dustin.”

“Yeah, because he’s soooo happy with us right now,” Eddie responded. “What do we say when he asks us what happened? We did the thing he told us not to do, and now we’re facing the consequences.”

“Consequences?” Steve repeated. “No, no. On any other day, in any other town, we would have done what we did and nothing would have happened. This isn’t a consequence, this is just my goddamn luck.”

“You’re acting like this is just any regular day for you,” Eddie complained. “Do you body swap with your enemies often?” Steve shot him a glare. The actual answer of, no but I’ve had a bunch of other weird shit happen, was on the tip of his tongue. If only Eddie knew what was really going on in Hawkins. Steve thought Eddie probably had his head up his own ass too much to notice, anyway. “Fine. I’ll call Robin.”

“Don’t say anything I wouldn’t, okay?” Steve warned, suddenly terrified at the power Eddie had to do some damage if he wanted to. 

“Don’t worry, I know exactly what to say.” Eddie went to his phone and dialed the number to the video store. “Hi, Robin. It’s me, your coworker, Steeeeve Harrington.” 

Great start. Jesus. 

“Dude,” Steve whined, nudging Eddie’s shoulder. “I don’t sound like that.”

“Yeah, I’m still at Eddie’s,” he continued on the phone. “Dustin’s okay. Can you finish my shift?” Huh. After the playfully performative introduction, Eddie seemed to actually act normal on the phone. “Great, thanks a bunch.” Just when Steve thought they were in the clear, Eddie tagged on a final line. “See ya later, Sweetheart,” followed by a bunch of kissing noises. 

Steve wrestled the phone from ‘Steve’ and slammed it against the receiver. 

“What the hell was that?”

“That -” Eddie said with a grin, “- was fun.” Steve’s eyes narrowed as anger began coursing through his veins. Anger, mixed with fear. Fear of this guy he hated, who now had full control of his life. 

“If you mess with my life, Munson, I swear to god -”

“What?” Eddie cut him off, barely fazed. “What are you gonna do? Get me back? Harrington, I’ve got nothing to lose. I’m already the school freak, nobody gives a shit what I do.” 

He had a fair point. Steve scrambled to think of a way, any way, he could get under Eddie’s skin the way Eddie was under his. 

“You have Hellfire,” he blurted out. Steve knew from Dustin just how much Eddie loved that stupid club. Based on Eddie’s reaction, Steve had made the right call. “I could tank it,” he continued. “Give up your title as dungeon manager or whatever.”

“Dungeon Master,” Eddie corrected him through gritted teeth. “You wouldn’t.”

“Oh, I would,” Steve insisted. “If you mess with me, I’ll mess right back.”

They stared at each other, knowing that each of them were serious. 

“Fine,” Eddie agreed. “I will play nice.” He stuck his hand out in front of him for Steve to shake. Steve hesitantly did so, not sure if he believed a word out of Eddie’s mouth. 

He was right to be mistrusting. Eddie had the fingers of his other hand crossed behind his back.

_____________________________________

[thegaybluejay]

Okay hi I’m back with another ramble-y ATLA character analysis since this is low key my brand on here lmao-

Today I want to talk about Zuko from the lens of someone who also had to deconstruct. This will be long, but please bear with me!

I was raised in a very white conservative evangelical Christian bubble where literally EVERYONE I knew for the majority of my childhood and teenage years thought mostly the same way. There was a lot of othering and shaming of anyone who thought too differently. Even if it was sometimes said more passively than cruelly, there was always that underlying tone. “The others/the people outside of our group/the worldly ones are lost and need our help because we’re better than them!”

While I strived to not be cruel, my beliefs were still harmful. I lost a few friends when I got to my mid-late teenage years because I didn’t yet know how to challenge what I’d been taught.

I see so much of myself in Zuko.

Zuko was surrounded by propaganda his entire life. He was steeped in it - steeped in the blood of those that the system he supported/represented had hurt and killed.

Anger is a huge part of all of this. While my anger was never quite as outward as Zuko’s (I hid it fairly well and was always known as the “pretty good kid”), I can still so heavily relate to his anger. His anger at always falling just short of being good enough or perfect enough. His later anger at himself for not understanding how fucked up the system was sooner. His anger at the people that failed and hurt him. His anger at realizing how he failed and hurt other people. All of it.

I also understand his backslides in Book 2 and early Book 3. When you begin tackling the first layers of harmful shit you’ve been taught, it can quickly become so tempting to just call it quits and go back. You almost start to romanticize the simplicity of life before you began this journey. The rules and goals were so straightforward back then, and deconstructing is messy as hell. Even if you were deeply hurting in your old life, at least you weren’t so damn confused. You used to know your next steps, but now everything is in disarray and you don’t have a direction to rebuild in yet. Going back almost feels like it would be a survival tactic, a way to have a sense of control again. Zuko definitely 100% needed to atone for what he did in Ba Sing Se because it hurt others, and while I’d like to think I would’ve made a different choice in his shoes, I also get it on some level. The confusion stage sucks, and it’s not always linear either.

But then.

One day, something just clicks. You eventually deconstruct enough that you truly come to full terms with how fucked up it all is. And you realize that you don’t belong there anymore, and the version of you that DID belong was just a facade. The blinders fully come off, they’re never going back on, and a spark lights in you that prompts you to make a big change. The deeper you go, the more urgent this deconstruction becomes in your mind because holy fuck I have to do something about this. I want this shit out of my brain for good and I want to help make things better. I want to learn who I am and finally live that out.

THAT is one of the most pivotal points in the journey, and I loved seeing it within Zuko’s arc when he comes to this realization after the war meeting in Book 3 and leaves to join the Gaang. I also loved that they didn’t trust him the first time he came to them - both he as an individual and the system that he had once supported/represented had hurt these people, and it took some real apologies and some time to build up trust. It also wasn’t done with half assed centrism either - it was “I acknowledge that this system is completely broken and wrong and I will do everything in my power to help gut it from the top-down and restore it with love”.

This leads to another pivotal point in the journey - instead of being motivated by fear like you were when you were deep in the indoctrination or by the raw anger you first felt as you initially left, you start to be motivated by love. And it’s the most freeing thing.

It was so cool to see Zuko learn that, while his anger was a helpful tool (ie: the confrontation with his father and his overall anger at the corruption he saw in his nation), he couldn’t be fueled by it any longer. He had to find another motivation to keep going, and he was then taught by the Sun Warriors and the dragons how to be motivated by light and life and love and also how to use those alongside an anger that was finally righteous.

And with this, he was ready to fight. To fight for a cause he knew to be good. To fight arm in arm with his newly acquired family. To fight to fix what his nation had done to the world and to itself. To fight for love and peace instead of division and hate and destruction.

And wow is it a beautiful journey.

TL;DR - Zuko’s story is so powerful to those who are deconstructing and I love him so much! I also just enjoy doing character analysis hehe.

(I really love talking about ATLA, so if y’all want me to analyze other characters or even plotlines through a specific lens, feel free to submit an Ask and I will happily do so!!!)

(Also, quick ending note - this is just my personal experience with deconstruction! Other people’s retelling of their own deconstructions may be different from mine, and that’s totally okay!!)

[exilepurify]

Reigen’s confession scene: original Japanese manga text analysis and translation

I had a ton of fun translating the Japanese text from the “no one will save me” Mob headspace scene and it’s fantastic practice, so I decided to personally translate the raws from Reigen’s confession scene and analyze that a bit.

More under the cut! (Very long :0)

Reigen: なんの力も無いんだ！— I dont have any powers!

持ってないんだよ！— None at all!

Reigen: 嘘… — A lie…

最初から嘘だったんだ… — From the start, it was a lie.

Reigen: ちょっと失礼。— Excuse me for a moment.

花粉症かな? — Hay fever, right?

俺はよく嘘をつく。— I lie all the time.

客にも… — To my clients…

Reigen: お前にもな… — and to you…

初めてお前が事務所に来た日… — That day, when you came to my office for the first time…

俺は嘘をついた。— I lied to you.

お前の悩みを知った気で相談に乗った。— I advised you as if I understood your struggles.

お前は俺を簡単に信じた。だから… — And you believed me easily. So…

お前を騙して仕事をやらせた。— I tricked you into working for me.

あの日から今日まで… — From that day, up until now…

Reigen: ずっと… — The entire time…

ずっと利用し続けてたんだ... — I continued to use you the entire time…

俺… — I…

本当は何も知らねぇんだ。— I honestly don’t know shit

Reigen: 超能力のこと… — about psychic powers…

Reigen: これが俺の正体だ… — This is my true self.

今まで師匠面してすまなかったな… — I’m sorry for acting like your master up until now.

だけど最後なんだ。もう少し言わせてくれ。— But this is the last time. So hear me out just a little longer.

Reigen: お前だけが特別な訳じゃない。— You’re not the only one who’s special.

ニ面性なんて誰にでもある。— Everyone has a second side to them.

これは今でも本当に思うことだ。— This is what I truly believe, even now.

皆お前と同じだ。俺も… — You are the same are everyone else. The same as me, too…

だからそんなに悩むな。— So you don’t have to worry so much.

いや… 悩むんでもいいか… — No… worrying is fine, too.

それもまた当たり前のことだ。— That is also a natural thing to do.

ここだけの話… 俺は隠してる自分の本当の姿が大嫌いなんだが… — Just between you and me… I absolutely despise the true nature of my secret self.

それとは別として相談所での日々は嫌いじゃなかった。— Despite this, I didn’t hate those days we spent at the consultation office.

俺には「嘘」があったからお前と知り合えた訳だし… — Because I had “lies”, I got to get to know you…

モブにもその「力」があったから… 今のお前があるんじゃないか。— Because you have your “powers”… you are the person you are today, right?

Reigen: えーと… Um…

要するにだ… — In short…

お前は… — You…

そのままでいい。— are fine the way you are.

もう俺がいなくても大丈夫だ。— You will be okay even if I’m not here anymore.

大丈夫。— You will be okay.

そろそろ受け入れてやれ。自分を！— Accept it a little at a time. Accept yourself!

お前なら… モブならそれができるって事を…俺は知ってる！！— Because it’s you…. Because you’re you, Mob, you can do it. I know you can!!

—————————

Notes:

- なんの力も無いんだ! — I dont have any powers!

Reigen uses a widely-unused kanji here, 「無い」 or “nai”. A.K.A, Japanese negation. It’s almost always written with kana (興味がない、続けない、etc). I imagine the kanji was included here for greater emphasis. Reigen does actually use another unused kanji later in this conversation though (事 instead of こと) so I also think there’s a case to be made for it being an intentional decision made to make Reigen’s speech patterns seem eccentric, but I would need to look at much more of his manga dialogue to confirm that.

- 本当は何も知らねぇんだ。— I honestly don’t know shit

Okay. He doesn’t actually use the shit word here, but cursing is a bit strange in Japanese because of how tone can be subtly indicated by verb form, something we can’t really do in English. Reigen uses a very casual, rude form of 「知らない」 that I think is most faithfully represented by a curse word. He’s obviously trying to put negative emphasis. The Crunchyroll sub put it as “I don’t know a damn thing”. I chose “I honestly don’t know shit” because it’s a bit less of a deviation from the raw dialogue.

- 今まで師匠面してすまなかったな… — I’m sorry for acting like your master up until now.

I thought the use of 「師匠面して」 was interesting. 「師匠」 is “Shishou/Master”, which is straightforward, but 「面」 is a kanji that means “mask, face, surface” and it’s basic readings are “メン/men”, “おもて/omote” and “つら/tsura”. Reigen uses a lesser-known reading and meaning of this kanji, so much so that ONE included furigana over the kanji to clarify the reading. 「面」 here is read as 「づら」and is used as a suffix to mean “looking like a…, acting as if a….”.

お前だけが特別な訳じゃない。— You’re not the only one who’s special.

「訳」 (wake) is my mortal enemy, because it’s a word in Japanese that’s so close to being a particle but isn’t a particle. It’s a word indicating a conclusion reached from personal reasoning or evidence, or circumstance, or meaning related to a situation. It’s abstract, so it can be a bit tricky deciding how best to translate a sentence it’s used in. Sometimes it is not directly translated at all, which is what I did here, taking it more as a subtextual indicator of context than as a word in the text itself. However, this is out of personal preference, and I would totally accept it being translated more overtly as “You’re not the only one with special circumstances.”

- ここだけの話… 俺は隠してる自分の本当の姿が大嫌いなんだが… — Just between you and me… I absolutely despise the true nature of my secret self.

Two notes about this one:

「ここだけの話」 is a phrase that directly translates to “this is a discussion for only right here”, but that would sound kind of weird to say in English, and it means the exact same thing as “just between you and me”.

「隠してる自分の本当の姿」 is a DOOZY. It’s a little clunky, but I think it fits for Reigen to be a bit dramatic with it. I sort of played around with it a little bit, but strictly translated, it means “my hidden self’s true form”.

- 大丈夫だよ。行こう。— I will be okay. Let’s go.

This happens in the scene where Mob and Shigeo accept each other (not a part of Reigen’s confession), but I included it for a good reason. This isn’t so much a translation note as it is a commentary on the manga, but I think I like the manga version of the scene just a little better than the anime, just for the “大丈夫” thing between Reigen and Mob. Mob’s referencing Reigen’s previous words, 「もう俺がいなくても大丈夫だ。大丈夫。」 — “You will be okay even if I’m not here anymore. You will be okay”, which are beautifully enhanced by the sudden panel of Reigen watching Mob in that moment with a small smile, silently reassuring him that it’s true. It’s such a small detail but it means so much to me, and I’m a little sad it wasn’t fully preserved in the anime. But, yknow how it is. Not everything can make it in.

[chaosprompts]

𝙄𝙏'𝙎 𝘼𝙇𝙒𝘼𝙔𝙎 𝙎𝙐𝙉𝙉𝙔 𝙄𝙉 𝙋𝙃𝙄𝙇𝘼𝘿𝙀𝙇𝙋𝙃𝙄𝘼 𝙎𝙏𝘼𝙍𝙏𝙀𝙍 𝙎𝙀𝙉𝙏𝙀𝙉𝘾𝙀𝙎  -  trigger warning for : sexual themes, violence, and alcohol mentions.

“did you have a good relationship with your father ??  me neither.” “guys guys guys !!  i’ve got some news,  some terrible news.” “i botched that one.” “well  excuse me  for being the most terrible man on the planet.” “this doesn’t represent me, though.” “you are  too much  today.” “this is why we had to wait for you to go to bed bath and beyond ??” “i know the academy as well as anyone.” “anyway, i started blastin’.  bam !!  bam !!” “well maybe you shouldn’t dress like a bumblebee,  bitch.” “can we get back to talking about the plan ??” “i know it was working, the whole god damn thing was working.” “i biffed that one, huh ??” “and you know how great i look in leather ...” “comin’ in here talking about how in love with my thighs you are.” “i think you’ve taken to wearing my clothes.” “goddamn you !!  it’s not about you !!” “don’t make me do it,  i will slice you in half !!” “go to bed ??  what are you forty ??” “you think a pirate lives in there ??” “yeah he doesn’t even like,  get us man.” “i eat stickers all the time dude !!” “i will smack your face off of your face.” “i’m eating because i’m very uncomfortable.” “you beer,  me trash.” “now i’m here.  i’m past where i thought i could go.” “you are going to  love it.  it’s so good.” “i used to be a cool guy,  ya know.” “your hair looks so small.” “the boys are out tonight, huh ??” “would you like a rice krispy treat ??” “ooooooh ... shit.” “it’s called compassion, dickheads.” “prepare to experience sexual magic.” “now, what do you think about these suspenders ??”  “so you ... do you ever eat cheese ??” “bro that is badass.” “you know what it is, bitch.” “everybody’s dying bitch, let’s get you some fruit.” “oh whoops,  i dropped my monster condom that i use for my magnum dong.” “i’m not drunk ... i’m more s-sober than i’ve ever been in my entire life.” “i do backflips every single day of my life.” “what is your spaghetti policy ??” “the thunder of my vengeance will echo through these corridors like the gust of a thousand winds !!” “reason will prevail.” “will you just take this seriously ??” “i’m the queen of the night !!” “some cocks can’t be unsucked.” “i drink it every morning so i can fight like the crow.” “you light one bitch on fire and everyone freaks out.” “been there ... not physically.” “alright now that that’s settled,  now we can have a normal conversation.” “there’s a spider in my ear.” “i have contained my rage for as long as possible, but i shall release my fury upon you like the crashing of a thousand waves !!” “begone vile man !!” “i am untethered and my rage knows no bounds !!” “no i don’t eat dragon because it’s not a meal for peasants, and it’s a meal for kings.”

[siremasterlawrence]

The Voice

Part 1 - 2

On a video call with some agents that if I am lucky perhaps by chance they might be the perfect match for me as being my agency for both voice acting and acting to be my representation.

I set everything up for the video call as I am sitting prepped up when the call comes through loudly on and I hit yes to answerthe call and I knew it this was a once in a lifetime.

The video rolls on showing me to both of the guys they smile brightly at me, giving me a wave as we begin our conversation hitting the light flicking it off and they are left in a state of confusion.

Before they can say anything the lights go on and off blinking in multitude of different colors pulling them in to a calm state of my affairs and they starting to asking me a question.

I began to go on a long journey of who I am adding coded messages leading both guys to meet me who’s and we stare deeply in to each other I can see the wave of calmness over take them both.

I point my figures towards them both of their eyes roll back to the side, they fall backward in to the sockets and the eyelids close down on big and his head falls back on to the couch.

I get excited throwing a fist pump into the air showcasing my enthusiasm to enslave both men in a fit of lust and then I begin to tame myself sitting upward and rethinking every move.

A loud crackle rolls on with the snap of my fingers as they pull upward sitting straight in the chairs and stare blankly at the screen ready for my commands so I smirk taking a deep breath.

I take a second breath checking them out from head to toe seeing the handsome, tall glasses of water and I imagine using them for many things beside enslavement of the world.

“Hello Jamie and Ashley! You can hear my clear and audible.”

“As the sound of my voice upon your wake up call.”

“We shall surrender in to total enslavement for life.”

“Yes correct! I am your Master and you are fully accepting.”

“Will you serve me willingly?”

“Most of you are corrupt and I am saving you.”

“Your clients are number one”

“I am your most important client “

“You are my number one fan”

“All you want is it please me”

“Everything you know is a lie “

“Your existence is for me, by me and in solely in service for me.”

“Mwahahahahaha! Wake up call”

“Oh what the…”

“What was I doing ?”

“Audition”

“Oh no! Right Ashley “

“We want to represent you “

Part 3 - 4

“Mr. Hardy and Eloise get the fuck in here.”could be heard in the speaker pouring in to the rooms of both agents who sighed in total audience because they were going to head to lunch.

Tom stood up knowing he is the number one agent in this damn business but hey he is still being called like a god damn assistant from the past but he puts his big boy pants on entering the elevator.

The man smirks as he says take him to the penthouse but something is off as the door shuts close and all of sudden the room is swooped up in darkness with a strange resounding sound.

The elevator sped upward in to the sky as it shoots fast reaching the pent house as the door slides open and he exist on to the main floor confused at what happen it was as if time froze.

Everything is right he thinks for second even though he is not sure why it felt like his time stopped for entire day and as he walks even further unaware of the day having turned to night.

It is dark bluish night sky peering in to the room all else begins to fade as he sees the young man sitting in his chair and his boss who is sitting on top to his desk and looks like he is swooning a bit.

“You wanted my presence at the moment boss?”

“Yes indeed! Meet your new client “

“Glad you could make it! It’s obvious you have had a wake up call.”

“I am the best damn agent in this office! How dare you call me on the speaker with that attitude?”

“Oh you’re still going on about that! You shall move on from that and focus on me.”

“I am your focal point Ellis.”

“Why fight? When you feel so free”

“I am all you see, know and want”

“YYYEEESSS “

“You have my attention “

“Then kneel and wake up call”

“Yes Master! I am your humble manger “

“Kiss my hand and embrace me”

“Sense my power”

“Comprehend my place in your life “

“I love you….Master”

“Master Lawrence! You are my world “

“Command me”

“Rise to your feet “

“My team! The four of you will be my core team.”

“Your life is about me and making me a star is your business.”

The end

The Voice Part 2

Part 5 - 6

Thomas and Taron are the studio head sons at Warner Brothers man Executive who are in for a treat and have gone through far too many headshots for the first feature to star in.

They found their first two stars at the main coupe attraction when they called my agent and I agreed to meet them as all for my slave guys sat at the sides as they put on a performance.

The man slide finishes as they tell me the goal of a story, to tell the truth about a very young adult meeting a older couple and they would start a unique relationship it could be a movie of television show.

My interest is piqued hearing the story as it it told to me all I can do I snap my fingers as my team excuses itself and they exit the office for me and I start to discuss with my part.

They listen unaware of the subtle sound of music blast through the speaker lulling them in to a slow state, and I can seem begin to blink and their bodies sway to the sound of my voice.

I rose to my feet as they match me watching my hand lift in the air, I let me fingers come together snapping my finger and everything crackles as they wake up shocked at all of my ability.

“Tom! Do you have anything to say?”

“I am in awe of your power!”

“What are you saying?”

“You are so Masterful!”

“I cannot believe this “

“It’s the truth Master Lawrence “

“How about you Taron?”

“I love you “

“You are my world “

“We will write something phenomenal “

“You will be a star “

“Tom agrees “

Part 7 - 8

“Meet your new directors”

“Your names?”

“We are the directors “

“I am Henry”

“I am Charlie”

“How do you have so much influence “

“Bois is explain it to them “

“Master Lawrence knows all and sees all”

“I am everything to them and of you”

“What? Are you crazy?”

“That email you sent”

“Absolutely! Wake up call”

“Uuuuuggggghhhhhh!”

“Fffuuuccckkkk”

“We are primed Master”

“How can we make this experience perfect”

“My list of demands”

“Your will shall be done”

The end

[lets-break-free-from-our-chains]

Always and Forever My Truest: Chapter 2

(A/N): Hey everyone! Surprised myself with writing chapter 2 so quickly, but after writing the first chapter I think I really got my mood back for the series. By the looks of it I think it’ll really start kicking off in chapter 3 or so. I hope you guys like chapter 2! Let me know in the comments if you want to be added to the taglist, and thank you for all the support on my writing!

Word Count: 1,300-ish

Summary: Anniversary planning is never easy, especially when it’s your 453rd anniversary. Now the reader must be the one to deal with annoying Alexanders and the new information about a long lost Alexander female was just be brought to light.

Warnings: dub-con, forced marriage, polygamy, possible Stockholm syndrome?, obsessive/possessive behavior, Yandere-ish Walter de Ville, dom/sub relationship, abuse of power, threats—warnings to be added. Let me know if I missed anything.

18+ MINORS DNI!!! YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED! I DON’T NEED TO GET IN TROUBLE BECAUSE YOU’RE A MINOR READING STUFF YOU KNOW VERY WELL YOU SHOULD NOT BE READING!!! THANX

Disclaimers: I do not own The Invitation or any of the characters within the movie. You know what is and isn’t mine.

Walter de Ville x Wife!Reader

~Present day in 2022~

~(Y/N) P.O.V~

Roses. Traditional and elegant, but so unoriginal. Possibly the bleeding heart flower? The master would certain find that choice amusing. Then again, there is Cherry Blossoms. Representing renewal, which is befitting given the celebration.

‘Oh, but we had those for our 342nd Anniversary!’ I thought in frustration, huffing out a sigh. ‘Where is the creativity. The awe factor!’

The event coordinator must have sensed my rapidly rising irritation, as I shuffled through the damn flower books, and she scrambled to suggest more flower ideas. “There is always Locus flowers, Lady De Ville! They would certainly make a statement and the setting—”

“No.” I stated, indifference overcoming my composure. “No, I just don’t understand I suppose. You’ve had days and days to prepare and nothing you have shown me has yet to impress me in the slightest. Perhaps, I was wrong in believing you fit for the task…”

I stare her down as she struggles to find words in her defense. It was amusing in a way. Despite how I am in the presence of my husband, I cast off an entirely different persona in the presence of the public. A persona to rival that of the master. It’s certainly an entertaining sight for my Lord Love to watch as I interact with people. My mother always said, “who we are and who we have to be, are sometimes to completely different things.”

‘Words that I live by to this day.’  I mused to myself.

The coordinator still has yet to find solid footing and I grow tired of her incompetence. I close my eyes in disappointment and turn to leave the gardens before an innocent voice cuts through the air.

“Wait (Y/N/N)! Look at these flowers, Jade Vines.” Lucy called out, turning to me with a picture of turquoise blue flowers. ‘They certainly were stunning and most of all unconventional’ I pondered. I beckon her closer and she came bounding over, blonde curls bouncing softly with her every movement.

I hear the coordinator finally find her irksome voice, “Yes, Jade Vines would be an excellent choice! They are exotic flowers from the Philippines and considered one of the world’s most rare flowers, if not the rarest.”

I drown out her voice as a study the picture before I cast my gaze up to Lucy’s anticipated facial expression. I finally smile as I speak, “Yes, the Jade Vines would be perfect!” Lucy lets out an excited squeak. “Well done, Lucy.”

I bestow a soft endearing look to her as her face lights up at the praise and she bounces in her place. Viktoria can be so impatient with Lucy, bossing her about, and sometimes being just downright cruel. When Viktoria isn’t bullying her she simply ignores Lucy as if she isn’t even there. It saddens me to think that Lucy believes that no one cares for what she has to say. I do though, and I gladly listen her rambling. It’s nostalgic in a way as it reminds me of a younger me. A human me.

“Perhaps, I should place Lucy in charge of my anniversary event.” I glare at the other woman, who once again finds herself lost for words. “Don’t disappoint me again.” Which she vehemently nods in fear.

With that I swiftly turn and depart from the gardens. I’m almost inside when Renfield stops me on the spacious patio. He bows before rising to speak, “My deepest apologies for disturbing your planning, Lady De Ville. However, Oliver Alexander made an unannounced visit with what he claims is urgent news.”

I give Renfield an inquisitive and uncertain look before I fall back into my normal façade, “and tell me, why is this not being brought forth to the master?” I inquire, with a condescending head tilt.

“He has several important meetings lined up today, Mistress. Forgive me, I tried to send him away to return on a better day, but he insisted if he could not see the Master then he wished to speak to the Mistress.”

I heavily sighed before making my way towards my personal library. “Very well. Send him to my study in 10 minutes.”

“Certainly, Lady De Ville.” Renfield bowed, despite my turned back, and departed to collect Oliver Alexander.”

~(Y/N)’s Library~

I read over a few business project proposals and bank statements for some of the Castellan companies, before a steady knock sounds from the library doors. My golden hued eyes slowly trail over to the doors in disinterest. “Come in.”

Renfield swiftly opens the doors and makes way for Oliver. I internally roll my eyes, as Oliver gives me a dopey smile and bows in respect. He has always been a weasel and he truly had no favor with me at all. That’s why Walter tended to deal with him, so as not to upset me in any way. Speaking of which I didn’t need this boy here a moment longer than necessary.

“I hope your news is as urgent as you claim it to be, Oliver. You know I have little patience for those who waste my time.” My golden irises sharpen in a dangerous manner, to which the boy begins to squirm under.

“Yes of course, Lady De Ville. I wouldn’t dare dream of it. Though it truly is a marvelous occurrence and���”

“Out with it, Alexander!” I hissed, feeling my teeth elongate.

“We have discovered a female of the Alexander bloodline. Evie Alexander.” He fearfully blurted out.

This was quite a discovery. A very important one. All the bloodlines were bound in ancient magic to my Lord Love and the bloodlines worked together like a well oiled machine to insure prosperity and protection. Perhaps before the master and I were married, the prospect of offering a bride to the master held meaning, but that was no longer the case. At least not since he and I were wed and had became one. Now it was about keeping the bloodlines in line and doing our bidding under the illusion that their daughters held value. In truth, now all the families really did was help keep our identities and true nature from the light of truth. The brides from the other three bloodlines were really just incentive for the other bloodlines to behave and not induce the ire of my Lord Love.

With this new leverage over the Alexanders, we would be sure to have them under thumb once more. The only questionable matter is whether this girl was actually of the Alexander bloodline. I slowly stood from desk chair before leisurely gliding over to where Oliver stood.

“How exactly are you sure this so called long lost relative is truly of the Alexander bloodlines?” I asked, sweet sarcasm dripping from my voice.

“It was discovered through a DNA testing company that helps you discover people related to you.” He said, in excitement.

I nod as he finished speaking and waited on bated breath for my response, “Well, this is certainly a discovery. However, more research must be done into this girl. The Master must know as soon as possible, and I will be the one to inform him. Have you contacted this Evie?”

He shook his head and I nodded my approval. “Good. Make sure it remains so until I speak with my husband and he has decided what to do next. Only then will we commence with any plans.”

He gave me another idiotic smile and I gave a silent huff as I glared at him. “We shall be in touch very soon. You are dismissed.”

He bowed and quickly made way for the doors. I spun around to look out the enormous windows as my mind wanders off in thought.

‘Things are about to get a lot more difficult. This Evie was not raised like Viktoria, Lucy, and I. She is a different breed entirely, and certainly not one to be underestimated.’

Taglist: @dd122004dd​ @omgsuperstarg​ @crazy4books1​ @taetae123094​ @lychee02​ @liathelioness​

[jadedxhearts]

𝐓𝐢𝐞𝐝 𝐔𝐩

Originally titled "pay attention to the knots" (god I was so bad at naming things???)

originally posted on June 3, 2023

Please note that this is an old work and isn't representative of my current writing skills!

It wasn’t too often you’d be docked at an island, with the entire crew away from the Polar Tang. Everyone was off on their own, doing whatever they pleased on a nice day “off”. But Law had other ideas in mind for you.

Alone on the submarine, you were on the back deck with your boyfriend, watching as he showed you how to tie knots for when the sails needed to go up. You didn’t even know why he was making you learn these things, as it wasn’t your job anyway. You had other things to do on board, things much more important than tying knots all day long.

“If you don’t do it exactly as I showed you, the whole damn sail’s gonna come down,” Law was saying, watching as you struggled to repeat the actions he’d done moments ago.

“Well I’m not good at it, so I don’t know why the hell you think I should be the one tasked with this,” you tried reasoning, trying to make any sense of not only why Law wanted this, but also how to do it.

“Don’t worry about that, I’m not gonna make you take on the job,” he explained. “You just need to know how.”

“Ugh, Law…” you groaned, tossing the horribly tied rope to the floor as you gave up, crossing your arms and pouting at him. “I don’t wanna do this.”

“You’re just not getting it yet,” he sighed. “Watch me again, okay?”

You silently nodded, feeling as though you really had no other choice.

Law took your awfully tied rope from the wooden floor, undoing all of your weak knots and releasing the rope to its natural form. “You’re going to start with a basic knot,” he instructed, this being the fourth time he was going over this with you.

But you just couldn’t get it right, and you knew without a doubt you wouldn’t ever get it. So… your mind went elsewhere, Law’s words going in one ear and right out the other. At least his voice was soothing to hear…

But that soothing voice just made you sleepy, if anything. You hadn’t slept much the previous night, and you’d planned on sleeping in, up until Law forced you out of your shared bed so he could show you how to tie knots for sailing. You lazily watched as his tattooed hands formed the knots, feeling yourself grow drowsy as he lulled you to sleep…

“Y/n-ya! You’re not paying attention again,” he snapped, tossing the rope aside. “Guess I’ve gotta do something else to get it, huh?”

You jumped in your seat on a barrel as his words woke you up, shaking your head as though that would get rid of your sleepiness. “I’m sorry! I’m just so sleepy, Law. You know I couldn’t sleep last night,” you whined, pleading with him to not do whatever it was he had in mind.

“Too late to beg for forgiveness now,” he said with the rolling of his gray eyes. “Cross your arms behind your back.”

“What?!” You shrieked, staring at your lover with wide eyes. “Why?!”

“Just do it,” he argued, untying the rope once again.

With a loud huff, you obliged, folding your arms behind your back. “You’re gonna tie me up, aren’t you? Law, you’re such a dick.”

“Mhm. You love it, y/n-ya. Don’t even lie,” he purred in your ear as he started looping the rope around your arms.

“Love what? Your dick or you acting like one? Cause I’m getting real sick of at least one of them.”

“Both,” he answered with a smug look on his face. “You love both. Now turn around.”

You did as Law said, turning to face him as the rope wrapped around to your front, being looped around your body just above your breasts. After that was secure, Law brought out another rope and looped it around the center of the old one, right over where your breasts met in the center. He pulled it down between them, separating the two strands within the rope when he reached the bottom of your mounds. Each strand went under them, being pulled around to your back, and then looped back to the front. Law tied the ends together along with the original rope in a knot, causing it to press into your skin and push your breasts together, squishing them.

He then did intricate patterns down your stomach, doing a similar thing to your ass as he did to your breasts. He’d removed your shorts just before that, though, leaving you in only panties and a tank top. The rope pushed against your clothed pussy, and with every movement, the rough fabric of the rope rubbed into your clit.

Lastly, Law folded your legs and tied your ankles to your thighs, leaving you in somewhat of a kneeling position. You were completely tied up all by his doing, and certainly wide awake now. Every movement Law made was closely watched by you, unlike earlier.

“Now do I have your attention?” He asked, watching you squirm against the rope on the floor. “So pathetic,” he added, lifting his foot to place it against your cunt, pushing it against you.

“What was the point of this?!” You snapped, glaring up at Law. “How am I supposed to learn anything like this?”

“Maybe you won’t learn how to tie knots, but you will learn a lesson,” Law answered you, chuckling. He then pulled his foot away from you, leaving you whimpering and crying from the loss of friction against your cunt. You hadn’t even noticed how good it felt.

“Wh-what does that mean?” You managed to say, starting to stumble over your words.

Law simply hummed, before turning on his heel and walking away from you.

“Law…?”

He ignored you.

“Law?! You’re not gonna leave me like this, are you?!”

Still, nothing.

“Law!!!”

[noodyl-blasstal]

Blupjeans Week Day 1

It's @blupjeansweek! Blupjeans week last year was the thing that encouraged me to start writing fics, so it's been fun to play with it again! Like last year, it's loosely connected (so far anyway!). So, now I'll stop blethering and here's some words. Day 1 - refuge

16 hours to go.

16 hours until he tanked his viva, fucked up everything he’d been working for, and his supervisor says he hadn’t ever believed Barry was capable, he just wanted his fees... Well, John would definitely say that if Barry could get hold of him but it had become abundently clear over the course of his postgrad research that John wasn’t the easiest guy to reach. Which might not be a problem if it wasn't his literal job to support Barry through his PhD.

At this point Barry hadn’t heard from him in two weeks despite a variety of progressively more panicked emails. The last conversation they had was John's particularly un-comforting statement that Barry should “...expect majors" because "it’s not the worst thesis I’ve ever read, but it certainly isn’t the best.” Barry's secondary supervisor hadn’t even bothered to show up for that meeting, so it was anyone’s guess what his take was. Barry assumed it wasn’t great.

He grabbed the pot from the coffee machine he’d abducted from the kitchen a few days ago and perched on his desk instead. He debated swigging straight from it, that seemed more efficient than using a mug, plus, his hand seemed to be shaking a bit and he didn't want to risk trying to pour it into a mug then into himself - he needed every drop to keep him awake long enough to work out how to fix this disaster.

“Knock knock! This is your 16 hour anxiety check in.” Barry’s door creaked open, but Lup didn’t appear. “Barrrrooollllld?” She sing songed, then added hopefully “...have you finally decided to sleep?” 

“Come in Lup.”

“Damn, you’re still up.” Oh, of course she was disappointed. She was probably sick of having to baby him through his anxiety. “...Not that I don’t want to see you, I was just hoping you were getting some rest.”

Barry held up the coffee pot in a cheers motion then took a swig from it. He was fine, this was fine, but if Lup left in disgust he could get back to scribbling increasingly unhinged and hard to read annotations on his sticky notes and trying to work out how to pull this disaster over the finish line. 

"Doing totally fine, huh?” Lup eyed him disapprovingly. “Barry, you have to take a break. You're going to crash in the middle of it if you keep this up. You've got what, like 15 and a bit hours?" She waited for him to nod in affirmation. "Cool, then you've got time to sleep."

He didn't have time to sleep, he had to try and plug the holes in the sinking ship that represented four years of his life. Suddenly Lup was in front of him, he hadn't noticed her moving, but she had appeared and was gently prying the sticky note monstrosity he hadn’t realised he’d picked up out of his hand. "No, I need to…"

"Sleep." Lup said. "You need to rest. There isn't a single thing in here you don't know. It's fucking brilliant, no, don't argue with me, I've read it." Barry snapped his mouth closed, he wanted to protest, but he wasn't entirely sure he could remember what he was arguing with, there was no fight left in him. "Now give me the coffee pot, Barold." He gripped it more firmly. No, not even for Lup. He couldn't relinquish this, it was the only thing keeping him awake. Lup raised and eyebrow. “Barold, don’t make me full name you. I'll do it! Hand over the pot.” Lup held her hand out expectantly.

"I'll fall asleep."

"That's the idea my guy. C'mon, gimme the sweet sweet bean juice. You don't need that where you're going."

"Where I'm…? Where am I? I'm here." Barry looked down to check.

Lup used his moment of confusion to swipe the coffee pot. Usually it wouldn’t have worked… probably, okay, it would have, but slower and he would have protested more. Right now his hands felt too heavy to even think about taking evasive action. "Yoink!" Lup said triumphantly, holding it aloft. Then he blinked and she didn't have the coffee pot any more. Maybe she magicked it somewhere? Barry turned his head to try and find it, and then she was tugging at his hand. "Not here, Bear, somewhere comfy."

"The chair's comfy, it's ergonomic." He paid a lot of money because the guy in the shop was really confident about that.

Lup snorted and tugged harder. "Barold Jorts Bluejeans, you're coming with me." 

"My name isn't…"

"...Ssssh." Lup might have been laughing. Barry wasn’t entirely sure, maybe it was him actually? Should stand? Oh, actually, he was up and moving and Lup still had hold of his hand and maybe she didn't have to let it go and she could just keep holding his hand and he could hold hers and maybe she’d have a nap with him. They stopped.

"This is your room." Barry wasn't entirely sure how they'd got there, time was doing strange things. 

"Yup, cha'girl decided you couldn't be left unattended in yours, it's too full of anxiety, even if I get you to sleep you'll marinade in it. So, we're here." Lup pushed the door wide.

Her bed had developed some kind of blanket canopy, there were string lights strewn around, and he could hear the soft patter of rain even though there wasn't a cloud in the sky. "It's… this is… magic. You made it all magic."

"Uh huh, now get in." Lup lifted a corner of blanket, it revealed a whole mess of pillows and blankets waiting inside. The bed looked so cosy, so inviting, so much better than his boring bed. He shouldn't, he really shouldn’t, he should study more, he couldn't afford to get off track. "That’s it, Bear." Oh. He was in the process of crawling in, and he was comfy. He flopped bodily into the bed and everything smelled of Lup’s orange body wash. Maybe he could just live here.

"I should do more prep." He mumbled, and sank into the pillow nest, rubbing his face on a soft fleece blanket. 

"Uh huh." Said Lup. 

"There's… I need to… you see, I have..."

"I'll wake you up in a few hours, sleep tight, Bear."

“Sleep tight Lup.” Barry mumbled from the depths of his blanket cocoon.

Part 2 here.

[ms-m-astrologer]

Transiting Mercury enters Libra

Wednesday, October 4 - Sunday, October 22, 2023

(At age 65 I am officially elderly and a senior citizen - my Gemini Sun is a bit horrified; my Aries Moon and Scorpio Ascendant are delighted - perhaps this is my first real burst of “get off my lawn” energy, but lately I’m getting very impatient about long posts on my Tumblr dashboard. So as not to be even more of a hypocrite than I usually am, I’m going to start using the “keep reading” function more frequently.)

Back to quickies for the second-speediest planet-type thingie (the Moon being swiftest). And this is something I think we should all be grateful for - all of the transits through Libra this year, have been and continue to be very challenging.

The goals of a Mercury transit through Libra are to calm the mind - to wrap our heads around seeming paradoxes - and to truly listen to other people whom we trust and love. Remember, we just went through two-plus month’s worth of Mercury/Virgo multitasking, worry, and criticism! Simply put, our brains require balance right now. Where and how this all can go wrong:

Learning - we’re lazy students; we don’t (want to) put in the effort. Going for that “gentleman’s ‘C’,” instead of doing our best. We turn away from harsher realities - if we’re prone to wearing rose-colored glasses, we probably have them permanently attached.

Thinking and reasoning - can be cold and judgmental; Libra is represented by a machine, remember. We’re too “logical” for our own good, and can rationalize away anything our consciences niggle at us with. And again, we don’t want to spend time on “unpleasant” matters. We’d rather ponder the superficial.

Communication - we tell people what (we think) they want to hear; we express ourselves too pleasantly, or conversely, we’re too addicted to arguing; because we don’t want to “rock the boat” we fail to express anything uncomfortable - anger, dread, etc. (Actually, most of us do want to rock the boat, if not outright capsize the damned thing - it’s the consequences we want to avoid.)

My recommendations:

Meditate, even if it’s a stolen half-minute in a locked toilet stall.

Identify whom you do trust - if the answer is “nobody” then find someone - open up to and be honest with them, and listen humbly to what they have to say in return.

Most of us listen in order to respond, not to understand. Google “active listening skills” and put them into practice.

I don’t consider Libra a cowardy sign by any means - Eleanor Roosevelt, for example - for in pursuit of fairness and justice, Libra can and will stand tall and brave. We need to remember that we’re always working towards the ultimate outcomes of fairness and justice - it’s a difficult and sometimes dangerous path - and it can be done.

Another difficulty: this entire transit takes place during the “shadow of the eclipse.” It may bring up some issues we can’t clear up and resolve until after the “shadow” ends on October 31. By that day, Mercury will be halfway through Scorpio, and much more empowered and able to work through its problems.

Thursday, October 5 - Mercury/Libra inconjunct Saturn Rx/Pisces. The first little sign of adjustments needing to be made. Some authority problems; we may have to let something go.

Saturday, October 7 - Mercury/Libra square Vesta/Cancer. Lack of focus - or hyper-focus; if there is a topic we’re really interested in, in a scholarly way, that’s all we want to think and talk about.

Sunday, October 8 - Mercury/Libra sesquiquad Uranus Rx/Taurus. Some kind of delay in getting what we want - perhaps we bit off more than we could chew. If we’ve been intellectually lazy, &/or glossed over things, it bites us in the butt.

Tuesday, October 10 - Mercury/Libra semi-sextile Ceres/Scorpio. Write down any deep thoughts or insights; we can address them and work through them when Mercury and Ceres are conjunct on November 4. (Spoiler alert: that’s going to be an intense day.)

Thursday, October 12:

Mercury/Libra semi-square Juno/Leo

Mercury/Libra conjunct Pallas Athene/Libra

Mercury/Libra inconjunct Jupiter Rx/Taurus

We have a really intriguing idea but (1) partners disapprove &/or (2) the timing is off. Just because an idea is intriguing doesn’t mean that it’s also good!

Friday, October 13 - Mercury/Libra sesquiquad Saturn Rx/Pisces. Eclipse eve. More delays, though in time we may reconsider the delays as being blessings in disguise.

Saturday, October 14 - Mercury/Libra opposite Chiron Rx/Aries. Eclipse day. This might manifest as an argument, or a sudden hurtful realization about ourselves or someone else.

Tuesday, October 17 - Mercury/Libra inconjunct Uranus Rx/Taurus. An adjustment we really resist having to make, especially if it’s difficult or “icky.” As we tend to have to do come election time in the US, we’re forced to choose “the lesser of two evils” and not “the best.” This distresses and disgusts us more than usual.

Wednesday, October 18 - Mercury/Libra semi-square Venus/Virgo. Mercury and Venus are in mutual reception - in each other’s sign - which strengthens what would otherwise be some petty, unimportant annoyance. Take some deep breaths; it’s temporary!

Then all hell breaks loose, on Thursday, October 19 - Friday, October 20:

Mercury/Libra opposite Eris Rx/Aries

Mercury/Libra opposite North Node/Aries, conjunct South Node/Libra

Mercury/Libra inconjunct Neptune Rx/Pisces

Mercury/Libra conjunct Sun/Libra (aka the “Superior Conjunction”)

Mercury/Libra square Pluto/Capricorn

Our ways of doing Mercury are blasted. This not-new situation (something we’ve avoided or procrastinated having to deal with) can manifest as accusations of being “too sensitive” - or “too insensitive.” Someone is screaming, we don’t like it, and we’ll do anything to stop it and shut them up. We discover that we’ve been manipulated - or someone discovers that we’ve manipulated them. Really, really dreadful news, which we could have lessened (if not prevented) if we had only had the ovaries/balls to do something about it sooner. We can’t see any of it clearly.

The resolution to a t-square can be found via the sign not represented in the main action - in this case, Cancer. We need to be a little more tribal. What’s best for the tribe? How can we nurture and protect the tribe? We need to be more sensitive and responsive to the other people in our “families;” life does not have to be all about only ourselves and our egos/vanity, all the time. It may be wiser to go with our guts, for a while.

Remember: Mercury’s transit through Scorpio will enable and empower us to address these issues successfully.