#and this was all pre covid i imagine it’s far worse now

[itstimeforstarwars]

There is an ad that keeps coming up on my dash that basically says “aren’t you tired of work sucking so much and being so difficult? You should try teaching!” and, uh, as someone who used to be a substitute teacher—

[gillianthecat]

I decided to watch the beginning of SOTUS based on @waitmyturtles' reactions as part of her Thai BL education, and the conversations that inspired. I'm definitely not watching the whole show! Probably not even the whole first episode, I'll only go as far as I can stand it for, but I was finding myself desperately curious for context.

Well, 25 seconds in and we're already off to a good start 🥴

I kinda like this theme song, ngl.

Wtf how is 2016 seven years ago already. What even is time.

Baby Off in the credits! Hello!

Actually this credits montage is making the show seem kind of appealing. Perhaps I will surprise everyone and myself by being a SOTUS fan.

I don't know if it's just this opening sequence, but the colors are so de-saturated compared to more recent Thai shows. Kinda makes it look like 90s home video.

This name tag table makes me miss Fighter and Tutor. 😢

But also, pre-Covid they could get HUGE casts of extras. That room is full!

So far the show is successfully building drama and intrigue! I'm more hooked than I suspected.

Arthit makes an excellent insecure petty tyrant. Unfortunately I'm having trouble imagining how they're going to transition him to love interest.

Brave Kongpop!

Seriously, there are like 500 extras in that giant room!

Baby Off!

Oh yep. And here comes the femme characters as comic relief.

Ah, Kongpop is the other lead. Of course. For some reason I assumed he was a side character?

I like this smiley girl who does the grilled chicken dance!

Aww, I think I might really like Kongpop as well.

Oddly enough the hazing stuff isn't bothering me (so far). I think because a) it's SO over the top ridiculous, and b) I came in expecting the worst. (But of course, it can always get worse.)

Maybe if I stop here I can pretend the show is a dystopian future romance (á la Divergent) about M and Kongpop falling in love as they rise up against their oppressive seniors. I'm kinda digging their chemistry.

However I'm predicting a het romance between M and the chicken dance girl (my beloved) [May] instead.

I can see from whence the Singto fandom. What a charming smile. He's already bringing a welcome groundedness to the role.

Seaweed snacks! Now I want some. Your advertising is working on me. Also, one thing I think SOTUS does well is camera angles and editing; they really build the drama.

Also the sound recording (and mixing) quality is not terrible. What happened after this? Was Covid to blame? (Or perhaps GMMTV has always been better at it.)

I don't think I'd be that into this if I was watching just for pleasure, but I'm actually quite enjoy the experience of watching it for historical curiosity.

I like this girls at the table too! The women in this show are much more solid than I was expecting, and actually seem like real people [gasp!]

Honestly I'm not even looking at Arthit or the subtitles, I'm just watching Off in the background.

God, Arthit is so annoyingly awful. The only way to get through this may be to ignore his existence as much as possible.

I don't know if it's because Off is the one actor I recognize, or if it's because he just has that much charisma, but my eye keeps getting drawn to him on screen. (Even if he is aiding and abetting the evil guy.) I love the way he keeps snatching things from Arthit's hands.

Like, I can see how this COULD work, if Arthit wasn't such a stupidly petty tyrant. Enemies to Lovers! It's aiming for what FighterTutor managed to do so well. But. Well. The bully character has to have some redeeming feature. (Although perhaps he will win me over in the end.) As for their chemistry, I haven't seen enough to venture a firm opinion yet, but it's certainly not jumping off the screen.

Oh great, now we have homophobic bullying 🥴 But Singto really is very good as Kong.

Are you all sure this show isn't really Kong/M? Because that's still the story I'm creating in my head.

Umm. How on earth are they going to make this homophobic bully into a passable love interest. Help. I don't understand.

oooh, I could ship Kongpop with Wad as well. There is potential in this scene about the shirt exchange.

Ok! We've got M in the tight fitting tshirt! Show off those muscles, babe!

Like, I don't think Krist is bad in this so far. He's playing a petty tyrant bully perfectly. But I believe y'all when you so he doesn't manage anything other than this one note.

However, Singto is managing to single-handedly create something out of their scenes anyway.

Yes rebel Kongpop! I feel like my dystopian version of the story would be so much better than whatever we actually get.

However I do appreciate if it has to be bully romance that the target is not in the least a passive victim. (I ❤️ Kongpop)

This hazing is just so dumb. It's so silly it doesn't even bother me really, just makes me think about how young and dumb these engineering seniors are. Actually mostly it makes me mad at the school administration for sanctioning it.

I do love the way Off stands (and sits).

And I love May and this wavy-haired girl! Interesting female characters in my BL?! Who have a life outside of "shipping" their classmates or having crushes on impossible gay boys?! My goodness!

Rebel Kongpop my beloved! And such a smartass 😍 Love his little smirk.

Okaaaay. Still struggling to see how they can possibly build a romance out of this. Like, in Semantic Error and Why R U?, there was bullying yes, but even from the beginning there were hints of connection and attraction. And I am simply not seeing any of that here.

Well. I finished the whole first episode after all! And despite all expectations I'm kinda hooked.😲 I can see why SOTUS was so popular; the things it does well it does very well. And Singto is elevating it far beyond what it deserves.

It helps that bullying and hazing, while they annoy me, aren't a Yikes Nope 😬 I'm Outa Here for me the way rape is (which is why I couldn't make it past the first episode of TharnType). And cringy slapstick humor, while objectively less of a problem, for some reason make me even more uncomfortable (which is part of the reason I couldn't make it through 2gether). And it's not boring me, at least as long as the camera isn't on Arthit. (My problem with some other OG Thai BL that was so boring I can't even remember its name now. [edit: it was driving me crazy so i went through world-of-bl's list and finally figured it out... it was Nitiman. Maybe I'd find it more interesting if I tried again, but it just could not keep me engaged, sorry Nitiman lovers.]) And it's helps that my expectations were basement level. (Thank you @waitmyturtles for preparing me. And I'm sorry for your suffering in the process.)

So I will probably continue! Although I don't know how soon or how regularly, or if I will do such detailed reaction posts for the rest. The only reason I started this one is I didn't expect to last more than 10 minutes.

[wild-at-mind]

I think the thing that bothers me about the whole ‘should I stay on my meds’ question is how the option that means the least effort on my part is just staying on them forever.

i actually got the worry about this from a post written about trans healthcare, in which among some valid points the writer casually threw out that UK GPs precribe prozac readily, and it’s far more harmful than HRT. Prozac is what I’m taking. So i looked up some things about long term use and the main takeaway was: we don’t know. It might be harmful taken long term. And probably the best way to use SSRIs is to start taking them during the depressive episode, take them for a few years and then aim to wean off them.

 Pre-pandemic I was asked to go to medication reviews every few months, and they stopped that during the height of covid (understandable, hardly the priority), but it just never started again after. I haven’t spoken to a doctor about my medication for years. I know I should make that appointment, but with the 10 minute slots that’s all that’s allowed now it’s so awkward. (Really it’s more like 8 mins because of the changeover time needed.) In that length of time you really need a simple, easy to fix issue, not a long, metaphorical one, like should I come off the SSRIs? What’s best for my long term health? If I come off, how bad will the side effects me, and how should I gauge what I’m like mentally when I’m not on them? (I no longer remember my state of mind before I was on them, but I certainly still get low moods while on them so that wouldn’t be a useful gauge.)

Do they even keep working after so long? My mental health is certainly not in a good place right now, but it’s probably better overall than when I was on the last SSRI that wasn’t working. But can I mentally handle the withdrawal period? My life is stable and secure and it helps my mental health a tremendous amount, but last time I came off an SSRI it all went wrong. I needed a tonne of support from my mum and I don’t know if that would work again all these years late, things have changed a lot. I moved in with her but she does live with my dad and he now has mood swings and hoarding tendancies that he didn’t have back then.

Living alone is really, really good for me most of the time- it keeps my OCD in check as I know everything is as I left it, and it calms some of my anxiety around catching illnesses from other people. I absolutely know it’s a privilege to be able to afford to live alone and be capable of doing so. But when it comes to loneliness, I will never feel more alone as when I face down the possibility of coming off SSRIs. My partner lives far too far away to just pop in and visit. Maybe I would feel bad anyway, if he was here- the relentless insomnia is worse if you know you’re also disturbing someone else when you get up and turn on the light. When I was coming off citalophram, we had a number of serious fights that looking back on I can’t even quite remember how bad it was. But I know about it because I wrote about it on an anonymous forum I was using at the time. I can’t imagine our relationship going there as we are now (very happy), but if I came off a medication it could happen. It was so shit back then, I would wake up the next morning and he’d be upset about a way I spoke to him the night before and I didn’t even rememeber what I had done. It was horrible.

My mum is also taking SSRIs longterm so I talked to her about it earlier this evening and turns out she also worries about this issue. She agrees I should just go to the GP already, but also said brightly ‘well at least our areas are well off enough to still have GPs! In some parts of the country they can’t even get GPs to work there any more!’ I feel like it just hit me really badly because it made me feel like she was telling me I was a spoilt brat who should just be grateful and it could be so much worse. I know she wasn’t actually telling me that but it got to me. Because I think with the NHS, especially under so many years of Tory cuts, you can get into a place of feeling like you had better not use it too much. Even more so when they had to limit everything so much during the pandemic, and there are still a few restrictions in place even now, and it encouraged people to only go in if it was really, really important. And now it’s very easy to tell yourself your problem actually isn’t that important, if it’s not an acute issue. It would be so much better, I tell myself, if I don’t bother the GPs and just keep going like I am, for another 5 years perhaps. Having an appointment system that is free but everything is so limited in resources, it’s easy to get yourself thinking that maybe you’d better save those appointments for someone who really needs them, and not your uncertain ramblings about coming of SSRIs and future health.

Long story short, that’s why I don’t know what to do.

[diaryofanangryasianguy]

I can’t be the only Asian woman who’s scared of post-covid life. Going anywhere alone, running errands, commuting, traveling. If people are THIS VIOLENT and blood hungry for us as it is during lockdowns, imagine how much more violence is waiting for us.

tbh I’m most scared of acid attacks when we’re all vaccinated and travel reopens. knowing that bystanders will likely just watch, ignore, or even laugh at the brutality. The past year I’ve been studying each new attack for patterns and what to prepare for. It’s depressing that the hyper vigilance and threats of existing as an Asian woman in society have only become compounded. We’re watching our elders being brutalized and murdered for minding their business on the streets. We’ve always been a target, ALWAYS (non-Asians, make no mistake!) but now it feels like we’re being hunted.

The only heartwarming thing to come out of this has been seeing Asians rallying and taking matters into our own hands. I could cry seeing Asians escorting each other and keeping each other safe. I know I would feel the most safe with other Asians around me. So many of us can’t go anywhere alone and I know I could genuinely use those services for the foreseeable future. I love us and I hope everyone’s taking care of their mental health. Anxiety and depression and loneliness has to be rising within our communities, and a lot more severe than stats will ever tell.

Agreed.

Once covid is gone and the masks come off, there’s gonna be a huge surge in racist and violent attacks against Asian folks. Even far more than what we’ve been seeing. And it won’t just be elderly folks either.

Imagine when schools/colleges fully open up and the racist staff/students blame Asian students as to why they missed over a year of school. Imagine when bars and clubs open up and drunk racists attack Asian patrons. Imagine when Asian travelers and tourists visit other countries and get attacked by racist citizens.

Of course none of this is new, we’ve been seen all of this during the pre-covid era but it’s been worse during the covid era and will get more worse in the post-covid era. It’s not just limited to the US either but for Asian diaspora and travelers across the globe.

Like I can’t wait until the pandemic is over so we can go out and enjoy life but for Asian folks (especially East and Southeast Asians) we’re gonna be going out into a fractured world that will be blaming us for it. So whether it be pepper spray, a pocket knife, taser, legally armed, or whatever self-defense object is legal in your city, state, or country, we’re gonna have to carry something. All that bullshit preaching about loving everyone and holding hands in solidarity just ain’t gonna fucking work and we all know it.

Angry Asian Guy

[madamspeaker]

What really enrages me is that when Pelosi called McCarthy a moron last week (too kind, but accurate and proven correct once again) all the news services were covering it. But today, when McCarthy threatens to assault Pelosi with a gavel in the House of Representatives, there’s basically radio silence from the press. I’m fed up of violence against women, particularly women in the public sphere, being normalised by the press who should be condoning it. And imagine how young women feel when they see Pelosi being threatened in this way by a party leader?! That’s enough to put them off going into politics anyway of the week. (Sorry, I’m just very very angry and currently hoping McCarthy rots in hell for eternity)

I've been furious all day; about what he said, and the silence from most of the press. Last week we had a ridiculous tweet from Manu Raju after Nancy's "moron" comment about House relations being at an all time low - as far as I know there's not been a peep from him today. Maybe he agrees with McCarthy, after all Raju did take to Twitter to moan last year about her ignoring him. I mention that because he's never once complained about McCarthy doing the same, and he does.

This all goes back to how Republicans target and demonise Dem women. Sure they go after some of the men, but it's the women that that they zone in on, the women they paint as evil. If they could get away with using the words "bitch" and "cunt" in flyers and ads, the GOP would. We've seen it time and time again - Hillary Clinton, Nancy Pelosi, Maxine Waters, Kamala Harris, Alexandria Ocasio Cortez... it's a repeat pattern in which women become the main target of attack. It starts off verbal and written but words matter, words incite, and those who speak and write them know that, and what you then get is the base taking those words further. The base comes to believe that these women are Satan sent and must be literally destroyed. What we had last night was proof that it's no longer just the base engaging in notions of violence. McCarthy has released a statement through a spokesperson to say that it was "obviously a joke". Clearly it wasn't obvious. There has been no apology for the supposed joke, which you would think might be the first thing someone would do when they realise they have said something deeply offensive. No, the only obvious thing about what McCarthy said was the violent imagery it invoked of a man hitting a woman with a piece of wood - the same woman who had been the target of a violent attack mere months earlier, and countless other threats (including a man who threatened to pulp her face) thanks to Republican words, spoken and written. What McCarthy is at now is no better than the gaslighting that domestic abusers do to their victims. I would not be surprised if he tried to blame the backlash on Nancy Pelosi not having a sense of humour - he's blamed her for other awful things that he's done (Jan 6th, covid negligence), which incidentally is another trait in abusers. Honestly, who the fuck jokes about hitting a woman? Men who hit women. And the press need to start addressing this. They need to start asking why McCarthy thought that was okay to "joke" about? Why it is that the GOP regularly go after Dem women more than they do Dem men? And why it is that the GOP go after Dem women so much more aggressively and nastily than they do Dem men? There is something fundamentally wrong with the fact that Nancy Pelosi has become used to death threats against her. She shouldn't be getting any, and certainly not so many as to become used to them. And the press never mention this - they never mention the fact that the language on the Republican side is so toxic that women on the other side get threats, and worse, get so damn many that they've become used to them.

I know a lot of women ran for office in 2018, post Hillary, and I suspect most knew what they were getting into - they all saw how Hillary was treated - but last night feels like an chilling escalation in the GOP war on liberal women. McCarthy can say it was a "joke" all he likes, but we've now reached a terrifying moment in which a leader of a major party thought it was okay to make such a joke. At its most basic level McCarthy stood there and in his mind conjured the image of him hitting an 81 year old woman with a wooden hammer, and then decided to get a laugh from his fantasy from a crowd that probably had people in it who want her dead, and horrifyingly he will not be forced to resign. Pre-Trump, he may well have had to face consequences, but no longer. It's frightening.

[amphtaminedreams]

If 2022 Festival Season is  Unrealistic, Let the Outfits Fit the Brief: Lookbook no.18

Hiii to anyone reading,

Wowwww, have I put this shit off! 

Even though I’ve been typing up lecture content and essay drafts non-stop (let it be known this effort was for nothing because judging by my coursework feedback, it seems this is my academic flop era). to open up word and just blurt out the first thing that comes to mind is strangely unnerving. I have to say, to know I can open a sentence with the words “I think” and not be met with a little red box saying “non-academic phrasing, please reconsider” like it does on the Turnitin Feedback Theatre has me on a bit of a power trip. The thrill of knowing I don’t need to add a footnote and a reference every time I state something…this may well be my villain origin story, I think. Just try and mark me down Tumblr, I dare you.

Welcome to my first written post in foreverrr, if you are one of the, I’m sure very very few, fabulous, amazing, incredible people who reads this bullshit I write along with the pictures!:-) It’s been far too long since I last posted. Studying an undergraduate course that is very set on making sure it’s taken seriously as a very science-y science honestly kind of drains your creative juices a bit; when I did my year of history undergrad, professors were all like “have an opinion!” when we were set essays but...I didn’t...and now when it comes to psychology and I actually HAVE a point of view, the feedback is like...don’t do that, idiot. The course plus the job plus, eurgh I feel nauseated saying it but, adult duties (who knew toilet roll was so fucking expensive), means I’m very late on the uptake with this post. With precisely 10 days left of my Christmas break, however, I started a mission to get this lookbook done. It’s now the 27th January, so in a completely unsurprising turn of events I got distracted, again. The thing is, I do have a tonne of photo only posts drafted and saved and ready to go but I thought I needed a nice big, old, wall of text to break that up a bit before I upload the next S/S22 set or photo dump or any other mood board-y kind of post, plus couldn’t we all do with a bit of delusional looking towards summer 2022? As with many things, a festival season untouched by COVID is pretty hard to imagine BUT if the booster roll out continues and we follow the instructions of the experts, maybe this summer can be the first in a while to resemble anything truly pre-2020. This lookbook can be my contribution to the make festival fashion great again movement, because if the pyramid stage is coming back, so is the chance to hold two fingers up to the arseholes on legs whose sense of self-importance is upheld by routinely throwing hissy fits about fake fans because he can’t believe a girl looking approximately 174% more attractive than he’ll ever be is possibly enjoying the same band. Is it obvious I’ve encountered a particularly high number of patronising men lately? I had the security guard insist he could open a pack of peanut butter to put on the shelf for me. TWICE. PEANUT. FUCKING. BUTTER. It really blew his mind that my delicate little lady hands were doing something other than daintily holding up a teacup and writing in my diary about how I long for the touch of a man.

ANYWAYYY! Assignment: Outfits for Download festival.

Headliners include Iron Maiden, Megadeath & Black Veil Brides, faves of the how do you do, m’lady/now you’ve rejected me I’ll call you an ugly bitch over the internet type. Okay, maybe categorising all metal fans as incels is a little harsh but being a Lana Del Rey fan gets you stereotyped as a pretentious teenage brat who spends all their time trying to fight Barbs on Twitter and loves to indulge in a bit of white supremacy on the DL so...it could be worse, you know?

I’m not gonna lie, I have 0 intention of ever attending Download. It would be truly wasted on me to the point where if you do see me there, I deserve the roasting-my presence would be for outfit pics only. The Vaccines or Cage the Elephant are probably the “rock”-iest my music taste gets and the latter’s songs haven’t really hit the same anyway since I saw them at Ally Pally and can be almost certain that at least half the concert was taken up by what I strongly suspect were coke-fuelled rambles on the part of the frontman in between every. single. song. No judgement on my part, god knows I can’t get through a party sober let alone a concert, but given this is my second try at this whole uni business, I’ve had my fill of pretentious men with a god complex getting a semi over being able to talk at length uninterrupted.

That being said, given that Kiss are top billing at Download 2022 and 70s rock band groupie is a rather iconic starting point for a style moodboard, I was inspired to use it as the basis for the first 4 looks. Though it’s debatable whether any of these outfits are actually truly wearable if you’re not staying in the closest Premiere Inn to the Venue which we all know will decide to price match the Savoy for the few days coinciding with the festival every year (Lenny Henry would not stand for this), I’ve tried to do 2 slightly more practical outfits for each festival along with the 2 I just went balls to the wall with. But let’s start with the extra because that’s a lot more fun to look at.

-credit, clockwise from first to right of centre: instagram account @theambertrafficlight, @helenanderz, @lady_with_the_octopus_tattoo, @kllysm, @genevfewter, @amyvalentinex, borders by Alycia Rainaud, background image my own (17th October 2021, Brick Lane, Tower Hamlets)-

I know I cited 70s rock groupie as the starting point for Download festival inspired outfits, but I took way more inspiration from the style icons of my teenage days, back when Youtube lookbooks and Primark hauls were at the height of their popularity. I’m not going to pretend there wasn’t a time when I didn’t live for a good Zoella favourites video, but I always wanted to have the wardrobes of Helen Anderson, and Zoe London, Amy Valentine, Kayla Hadlington, Lily Mel Rose, Leanne Woodful, all of those v cool girls who were into that music and had mastered treading the fine line between walking Topshop double spread ad  and genuine mosh pit regular, which I have firmly accepted I’ll never be. The 4 seconds of fun is not worth the hours of fearing for one’s life, or the beer scented hair mask, and I can’t pretend otherwise. I think Taylor Momsen is a bit of a goddess and I am ecstatic that the Pretty Reckless are performing at Download too this year because it gives me a chance to channel her as inspo too but I wouldn’t get near the front circle, not even for her.

I never know whether it’s at all relevant to include the Depop shops I bought my stuff from in the posts because once you filter it down to the people who read them and then filter from there to the people who are actually going to seek out that specific shop, I’m not sure I have anyone left with me at this point. So, what I thought may be more helpful is to specify where the piece is originally from and the sizing since that may be more helpful in searching for something similar. Starting with the outfit on the left, ignoring the jeans which were a new 2021 purchase from the Ragged Priest, the corset top is the Urban Outfitters Ayla bustier in size XS from @arianne_tan, and then the body chain is a handmade piece from the Depop shop _chain_mail. For the outfit on the right, the trousers are Oh Polly wide leg snakeskin trousers in a faux leather material, size UK 6, from @jesskvedyte, and then the top in hindsight appears to be from one of those drop shipping accounts which I try to avoid now as they kind of defeat the point of Depop so I won’t mention it here. The star harness was from @meganbywater and is one size fits all, and the rest I’m almost certain I’ve included in a few other lookbooks, so take a look there. Is that shameless self-promotion? Yes.

-credit, clockwise from first to right of centre: instagram account @helenanderz, “, @emily_rxse, @alexjaye29, @hpxw, @genevfewtr, borders by Alycia Rainaud, background image my own (17th October 2021, Brick Lane, Tower Hamlets)-

Above are the casual looks, which are more Download festival appropriate than they are inspired. I do have, however, a bone to pick here; talking about the Pretty Reckless got me thinking about how disappointing it is that, once again, the line up is COMPLETELY male dominated, especially when it comes to those who get top billing. I guess I am part of the problem because when I thought of rock bands I consider myself a fan of, The Vaccines and Cage the Elephant were the first bands that came to mind, but there are so many sick girl bands and performers out there right now with a vibe that wouldn’t be out of place at Download, and who just don’t get asked to perform at many big festivals in general. I appreciate that some of the bands and women I’m thinking of aren’t “heavy metal” by any means and maybe wouldn’t even be considered rock, but Big Piig, Pale Waves, Honeyblood, Hayley Williams, Sky Ferreira, Cherry Glazerr, Daughter, they would at least be as in keeping with the Download vibe as, like, Post Malone is with Reading and Leeds, no? This isn’t me raging over Post Malone performing at R&L, it’s just an observation that a little genre expansion, the same kind we see afforded in favour of male performers, isn’t going to totally besmirch the name or respectability of a festival or kill the demand for tickets so like…maybe organisers could give women in rock, or “rock adjacent” genres should I say, a tinnnnyyyy little bit of representation? Just a crumb? I say rock adjacent btw in lest I invite the misfortune of the “do you even know any songs by Guns ‘n Roses or do you just think it’s a cool t-shirt?” crowd in my messages because of course it would be just my luck to have one come across this post and actually read it, and to answer the question-no I haven’t a clue about anything Guns ‘n Roses but my 13 year old self was pleased with her £5 H&M Divided top so just let her live!

As for the clothes, before I get too into that rant, I’ll just get straight into the list: the trousers on the left I’ve also mentioned before and are from a -they who must not be named- shop but you can probably find them in an old post if you wanted to have a look about on Depop. The top I bought new last year from Motel Rocks and is in a size S in black satin-it’s a halter neck and the fabric has a fair bit of give so it’s quite flexible in terms of size. On the right is the white top I’ve worn to absolute death in my lookbooks from a vintage shop in Camden and this black tennis skirt also from Depop that I’ve definitely mentioned before (it’s an AA dupe and honestly, if you’re looking for an AA one specifically on Depop you’re wasting your time because you really can’t tell the difference) and am probably conditioned to be way too attached to thanks to my days on 2013/2014 Tumblr. The camo jacket is vintage from @marinamacleesex on Depop, which very much supports this conditioned by old school “grunge” Tumblr hypothesis.

Now let’s talk Glasto, an event I tend to think of as the muddy, English Coachella of the 2000s. 

-image description, clockwise from top left corner: Florence Welch photographed at Glastonbury in 2013, Daisy Lowe photographed at Glastonbury in 2015, Florence photographed at Glastonbury in 2013, Lana Del Rey photographed performing on the Pyramid Stage in 2014, Lottie Moss photographed at Glastonbury in 2019, instagram account @alicetemperley, background image my own-

Before there was paparazzi lurking around to catch Kendall and Kylie (whilst I do not consider myself a fan of that family by ANY means, it would be disrespectful to ignore the IMPACT of those 2014 outfits because they were out here giving Missguided top tier material for at least a couple of years and it’s really all been downhill from there), it was Kate Moss, Daisy Lowe, Liam Gallagher, Peaches and Pixie Geldof, Lily Allen, Alex Turner and of course, Alexa Chung, that were on the front pages and whose style everybody was trying to replicate. What an era. I can only imagine the chaos of what went down when Kate and Pete Doherty cohabitated in less than 3 square meters of synthetic mountain warehouse tentage. Do you reckon they put it up themselves? On a shit tonne of coke or a little ecstasy at the very least? And followed a paper manual? The 2000s were a wild time for some, even if my only encounter of such debauchery back then was my vicarious knowledge of what a keg stand entailed through the hours I spent on Sims 2 University. I joke-not about the Sims addiction, that’s serious stuff. I’m saying there’s no way Kate and Pete were staying in anything less than a double king size suite at that nearby Premiere Inn, probably being tucked in by Lenny Henry himself.

The true icon of Glasto though, that really captures the original bohemian spirit of the festival and the colour bombs and giant waving flags you still see when it’s televised in August, is Florence. fucking. Welch. Nobody can channel demented forest fairy and embody rock and roll Queen of the Druids like she can. See when I talk about the peak of Coachella fashion, I’m talking about a slick Hollywood version of the Florence at Glastonbury (along with people like Alexa and Sienna Miller, and later, Poppy Delevingne) aesthetic, tassels, and velvet and dark romanticism topped off with hair that has all the messy appeal of a mop that needs washing without the grease. Where did that go? Don’t get me wrong, Revolve has some gorgeous stuff but it was all so much more exciting before it became all influencers wearing their gifted pieces, when we were waiting on pictures of Vanessa Hudgens holding sunflowers and eating “sugar” from a baggie to surface online, right? Anyway, I’m getting very off topic here-Glastonbury at its core was/is a festival built for the British free spirit that embraces the dirt and the edge as part of its genetic makeup. And I took that vibe and ran with it in a way that even Florence Welch would probs judge the fuck out of me for like “in this weather? fr?”.

For the outfits here, the acid wash corset top was a Depop purchase (shop @isabelhodgson) originally from PLT in size 6, and the shorts are the vintage Levis I got from Ebay that I whip out at any given opportunity-most versatile £13 I ever spent, probs.The shaggy cardigan is from Primark a few years ago and the velvet baker boy cap I bought when they were the accessory of the moment from the Oxford Circus Topshop (RIP); I may have to cut off the oxygen supply to my big ass head to pull it on but I’ve come to think of it like a treasured heirloom passed down by a family member, a relic of the past, left behind by a victim of the death of the high street-watch me hold onto it til the end of days crying “WHY DO THE GOOD DIE YOUNG?!”.

For the outfit on the right, I wore an Elsie & Fred (I absolute adore everything they’re selling atm and my self-control is being TESTED to its very limits every time they send me a discount code email) crochet co-ord in size S from the Depop shop @paigemurphy99, the good old tassel belt from Boohoo circa 2017, and then an old Zara leather jacket which has lasted surprisingly well. Boots are from the wonderful Koi Vegan Footwear<3 ily<3

-image description, clockwise from top left corner to right of centre: Kate Moss photographed at Glastonbury in 2003, instagram account @cro_cho_, instagram account @sacredhawkclothing, Joe Wiley photographed at Glastonbury in 2016, instagram account @dinafromtheblock, Kate Moss photographed at Glastonbury in 2008, background image my own-

The casual Glastonbury outfits I put together I feel are much more suited to the modern iteration of the festival, which is far less about its celebrities attendees and more about a lineup that justifies people having to book tickets a YEAR IN ADVANCE. I mean, it’s probably a good thing, a music festival being about the MUSIC. What a concept. And correct me if I’m wrong but I also think of Glastonbury as something that’s become a lot more family friendly in recent years. Maybe I’m totally off here but I think parents would be a lot less willing to bring the kids along back in the day when it was Kate and Pete dominating the headlines. But I love that-providing they’re not shoving their kids into a mosh pit, which would pretty much be sentencing them to death by drunk 16 year olds, I think parents who take the children to concerts and expose them to the magic of a live music at a young age are v cool; the coat on the left, from Out of the Ordinary clothing, I can definitely see donned by a Glasto mum and that’s a score imo. For the rest of the clothes here, I just took an (most likely foolishly) optimistic approach and used as much of my summer wardrobe as possible, wearing the Motel Rocks Laras mini dress on the left, and then on the right, my Levis again and Ebay sandals, as well as the wide brim straw hat that I know has made an appearance in at least one of these posts before; since it may have been a while ago and idk which one, it’s an old Topshop purchase for reference, and no! IDC whether they’re something that is still considered in trend or not because they make me feel a little like Audrey Hepburn and which girl doesn’t want that!?

-I had to add this little collection of pics I got from the 60s Counterculture exhibition at the Bermondsey Fashion and Textile Museum, there was a whole section dedicated to archival Glasto fits! When I talk about the original Bohemian spirit of Glastonbury Festival, it lived in this little display for a good few months and I am very happy I got to see it!-

Finally, moving away from anything Audrey Hepburn might touch with a ten foot pole, the tassel jacket is a high street Topshop piece (olddd I’m guessing since before Topshop moved to ASOS and became painfully tempting to me again, all their irl stores ever seemed to stock was jeans and basics) in size 10 from the Depop store @millscunningham, which I know anyone who reads these things must be bored of seeing. I KNOW THE WESTERN THING IS OVERDONE but retailers put out new lines so often now that we seem to complete a trend cycle in about half the time it used to take-I guarantee tasselled leather will have done the rounds along with the cowgirl boots again by the end of the year. It’s giving Hell’s Angels vibes anyway in my eyes so I don’t think I’ll ever tire of it. The bodysuit on the right is also old Topshop from @lunalust1 on Depop in size 8 and the backstory of this one is a tale of true love and longing and destiny; I saw Sammi Maria show it in a Topshop haul in, like, 2013 and I couldn’t afford it at the time, but I never stopped thinking about it, and finally all these years later the otherworldly powers of Depop (and the fact that I would still search Topshop crochet rainbow bodysuit every now and again) has brought us together. I found that one velvet UO maxi skirt I’ve trawled out ad nauseam the same way and I wear it with pride. If that doesn’t bring a tear to your eye, I don’t know what will. A shining example of persistence and obsession to inspire the masses and usher out Capricorn season. May I actually have worked out how to put these qualities to good use by the time cap szn comes around again in 2023, because at the moment all the combo really seems to correlate with is the amount of time I spend compulsively picking at my skin or eyelash extensions or hyper fixating on my weight and food, tehe. Love that for me, girlies!

Onto something more positive: the great British festival bender. And although we’ve said au revoir to the era of tabloid messes trudging round Worthy Farm still rolling at 11am in the morning being front page news, getting absolutely fucked for multiple days straight whilst barely paying any attention to the acts you’ve paid a fortune to see is as much of a tradition as ever. It’s just evolved a little. The festival bender in 2022? 2019? Whichever year it was before COVID took over? is no longer dominated by the sex (well, this part is probs inaccurate), (hard) drugs, and rock and roll antics of the 2000s Glastonbury lot, but is a more...not peace and love as such, but...spiritual? Whilst I am almost positive the actual proportion of the crowd who are dangerously high on MDMA hasn’t changed, in this era, the wildest festival sights can now also be observed at any festival branding itself as trance/techno/D&B meets Woodstock doubling as an epicentre of “togetherness” and “authenticity” and “community”, antics kindly sponsored by a mixed bag of psychedelics and dissociatives. That’s my hard sell and I know, it’s pretty marmite but girlsss, if you’re a “I’m not religious I’m just in touch with the universe” or “the energy here tonight is everythingggg” kinda person (I’ve def said the second one I can’t lie) and you have the stamina to spend a few days dodging an obliviously upper middle class, self-professed marxist man child from Oxfordshire who wants to talk to you about how much he respects women whilst bumming your coke and trying desperately to cheat on their girlfriend back home all weekend, Meadows in the Mountains festival is the one for you. I get the appeal-aside from the odd bit of pretentiousness, the energy (heh) does seem amazing, even if I’m just being won over by the vision; Meadows takes place in a mountain range near the Greek border in Bulgaria rather than a flat, muddy field in the middle of the English countryside and it is STUNNNing. Add to that, though, that everyone’s frolicking around dressed like the most glamorous cast of a midsummer night’s dream you’ve ever seen and you can see why it must be magic to some. Energy alone a good time does not make, but if you’re into that music and aren’t gonna judge people for putting a 2000s video hoe worthy spin on some mythical being (a vibe), I’m sure you’d have an incredible time. I can’t pretend I’m likely to know who anyone on this year’s line up is, and maybe you won’t either, but as much as I advise against it, we are of a generation-prepare yourself, a very “we live in a society” statement is coming up-where everyone is so scared of FOMO that they will get absolutely white girl wasted or off their tits in order to enjoy an event they have no theoretical interest in so, yeah, I’m sure there will be plenty of people to bond with that haven’t a clue who anyone is either. Go for it! Buy that ticket!

-credit, clockwise from top left corner: instagram account @valandiaa, “ @lilimaysparrow, “ @chenaijayxo, “ @twinksburnett, “ @valandiaa, “ @tashajaynewills, borders “Falling Skies” by Emily de Molly, background image my own (Our Potent Revolution by Jade Fadojutimi @ Mixing It Up: Painting Today Exhibition at the Hayward Gallery, Southbank, October 2021)-

The extra outfits I put together for Meadows may be the only ones that are actually LESS extra than the kind of looks you see people arriving in. These people go all out, stick on gem stones as underwear (werk), feathers for hair, throwback psychedelia inspired prints, rhinestone cowboy hats, it’s all going on. The dress code is basically dress like a bunch of wood nymphs on a hen do. Very that. Where Glastonbury sits on the rugged, Acne dupe end of the bohemian fashion continuum, the dress code for Meadows is Zimmerman and Etro on acid with a bit of Charlotte Knowles and Mugler (it’s just been reported as I’m putting the finishing touches to this post that Thierry Mugler has passed away and it’s so fucking sad, this man has done SO much for fashion and established the blueprint for an innumerable amount of designers-there will be a tribute post to his work in the next few days) sex appeal thrown in. So! I took those forest fairy vibes, added in a little too much jewellery for that lack of practicality, and this is what I ended up with. No pasties for me, soz. You can’t tell me those babies wouldn’t go slipping RIGHT off. They’ll throw you under the bus quicker than Cady Heron allegedly did Regina George and within a split second you’ll be nips to the wind. I already have enough of a sense of impending doom in my life without the constant threat of forcing my unsolicited nudity on everyone. For the much safer clothes here, my go to Depop searches were the brands of the ultimate Meadows outfit inspiration, girls I get far too excited to see festival outfit posts from, the likes of Mika Francis and @lulutrixabelle and @ttigerlilly​ on Instagram who I’d be perfectly happy to dress like all day everyday if I had the funds and the bravery. I couldn’t find anything on Depop from the ShopFluffy or EasyTiger collections to add to my wardrobe unfortunately, though given that they’re independent businesses let’s just call it the universe’s way of reminding me to support women creatives! Woo! Apart from the satin orange top which was from the Olivia Neill Motel Rocks collaboration in size S and the white satin off the shoulder top from a brand we no longer support in this house (I mean, I’m sure you can find it referenced in an old post if you wanna look on Depop), lol, the rest is Depop including MY LONG LOST LOVE, the Urban Outfitters skirt I was just going on about. I know I’ve worn it many a time before but I still feel like I dug up a chest of gold with this one<3 in a post-pandemic world that’s crumbling due to a self-imposed climate catastrophe and which causes nothing but existential dread on the daily, it’s the small wins! I won’t end on doom and gloom, don’t worry! The shorts are Elsie & Fred from @cathy6965 on Depop! They’re cute as fuck, right! And sparkly! Moving on!

-credit, clockwise from top left corner: instagram account @tashajaynewills, “ @bby__yan, “ @lilimaysparrow, “ @souljunk_, “ @ezbeezoe, “ @ivaylo_gerasimov, borders “Violet Days” by Emily de Molly, background image my own (work by Samara Scott @ Mixing It Up: Painting Today Exhibition at the Hayward Gallery, Southbank, October 2021)-

Now, the casual Meadows looks! Let’s just ignore that stream of consciousness at the end of the last paragraph unless you feel the same in which case how TF do you cope, pls message me for tips and tricks!xoxo

Let’s shift gears in a way that couldn’t be more jarring if I tried, and talk about clothes! I based these comparatively low-key looks on some of the more mellow, hippy dippy throwback style outfit posts from the Instagram Meadows in the Mountains tag of past years, which again draw on the colour palettes, prints, and flower child aesthetic of the late 60s and 70. What a time to be alive, honestly. Minus the social acceptability of the racism, the sexism, all the -isms and likes of Charles Manson, Ted Bundy, Richard Ramirez because you know…the serial killer boom of the period was a great era for true crime content, not so great for general anxiety levels of the time. On that note if anyone has a change.org petition to get Netflix to bring back mindhinter, hmu. I’m still v pissed off at them for that. Another morally abhorrent move. Like Jesus, wasn’t renewing Riverdale for a 197th season enough? 

I really need to stop going off topic, lmao, so ignore the slight narrative detour there. Back to the clothes-the top here was a foolish purchase from a Depop shop holding one of these inexplicable Urban Outfitters product monopolies, and whilst I resent the proliferation of shops on the platform adopting the Ticketmaster for second hand clothes business model recently, it is a cute top, no? I don’t deny that I am, as my friend reminded me when I told her, a mug, but irritation with the seller, and more so myself for my silly, silly ways, is offset by these very reasonably priced vintage shorts from @wornandwonderful, and the checkered trousers on the right I managed to find on Depop too, originally from Motel, shop @nelliashfield1. The crochet cardigan is vintage from @milliejobson on Depop, the black satin headscarf is from @luxeaccessories​ and the red ruched bustier top on the right was a treat yoself UO purchase for my 22nd last year (size XS) and I will NOT be reselling it on Depop for twice the original price, thank you very much. I’m silly but I’m not a dick. I didn’t intend for this post to be my declaration of war on Depop resellers but here we are.

So that’s everything! I can’t wait to get back to posting photo sets again; in terms of content turnaround and reception, they understandably do a lot better. For one, they make me feel like increasing my screen time by browsing vogue runway is productive, and kills 2 birds with one stone when I get to spend my time obsessively organising collections into folders because that is the sad reality of my favourite hobbies. That being said, it might look lary af and be a complete distraction but I’ve got to grips with Adobe Photoshop and had so much fun editing the images. I probably didn’t need to state that, did I? My daughter let loose in her mum’s wardrobe style approach to editing, I’m sure, says it all for me. Unsupervised Photoshop seshes have really filled the scrapbooking shaped hole in my life and for the resulting strain of your eyes, you can blame the service industry using COVID as an excuse to cut the costs of printing physical tickets for things because this is just cause and effect. I’m not sorry. Like, bring back the days of those orange tickets Odeon used to give you!! I beg!! Even the shitty paper ones at this point! It really took away the joy of irl scrapbooking when all I have to show for a £10 cinema ticket is a QR code. Is virtual collaging gonna be my lazy girl alternative? We shall see. I feel a little guilty that it would involve spending yet more time on my computer lmao.

Let’s hope that things continue to improve and that summer 2022 sees the proper return of a festival season that I can actually get in on without that internal debate of whether or not it’s the responsible thing to do (atm I’m still gonna go with…no?). Even better if they give out actual wristbands to keep for after! It’s like the 4th year of wanting to go to Truck or Reading festival, and I am DETERMINED to make that happen this summer if the circumstances are right. Can’t even blame COVID for past failures. It’s either me being broke or non-committal friends (not to throw anyone under the bus but where is the lie?). I ALMOST went to Reading fest a few years ago and then my one friend who actually does commit to stuff got called for fucking jury duty. The universe really said “haha bitch, you thought l?!” But this is the year!! I feel it!!

Thanks so much for reading and I hope everyone is safe and well! The rest of my SS22 will be up within the week. If you read to the end or read any of this post in general, thanks for your patience! I am so grateful:D And inbox me if you have any questions<3 even insults are entertaining so just shoot, lmao.

Stay safe! Lauren x

[earbuds-and-hightops]

An Open Letter to Supernatural

[ Spoiler warning for 15x20, obviously ]

I understand that a well-contemplated complaint about this ending cannot be made without first reading the original, pre-COVID, script of 15x20, but in the long run, the initial plan is not what will be remembered. 

What will be remembered is what this show created. What it became beyond two brothers driving around the country, hunting monsters. Characters were introduced and developed, and in that, Sam and Dean Winchester become so much more than two kids living on the road. In the past 15 years, the cast, and thus the family, grew to something that would be unimaginable to those who started this project back in 2005. Not only did the characters and their stories become meaningful, but the show itself grew into, well, a family. The fans who have kept this show alive since Day 1 have come together to form what I believe is the greatest community in pop culture. 

What hurts the most is that this finale did not do any of that development justice. 

The finale (and consequently the episodes leading up to it) reverts back to the story between only Sam and Dean. While some see this as an ode to who they are--their brotherhood and familial bond being the heart of their values and the root of their characters--I cannot help but see this as a rejection of their experiences this past decade and a half. 

What’s worse, episode 15x18 confirmed one of the most pure and powerful and goddamn beautiful romances that television will ever see. This story of an angel who abandoned his family and the only beings he’s known for thousands of years, all for one person. I knew from the instant the screen faded to black on November 5 that the story of Castiel will always be remembered, even if his feelings were unrequited. Castiel will always be remembered. 

And then there’s Destiel. I was genuinely impressed that this show would even grow to include a queer angel, more importantly, a queer character in a leading role. The queer-baiting and the “bury your gays” trope both make this confession and its lack of acknowledgement that much worse (and is worthy of an entirely separate open letter for another night). It matters less if Dean does or doesn’t reciprocate these feelings and more that it’s wrong that he completely ignores it. Cas’s love confession, this beautifully tragic and tragically beautiful emotion coming from a being who wasn’t supposed to feel emotions at all, is something that, unfortunately, will become a secret that dies with Dean Winchester. 

It’s truly a shame that the writers of this show let that happen. 

We haven’t even touched the fact that Castiel’s death was an act of sacrifice to save Dean. Dean’s limited reaction and lack of mourning* tears apart this phrase that has become pivotal to the entire show and fanbase: “Family don’t end in blood.” While it would be a lot to ask that Dean rescue Cas from the Empty and resume their cycle of rescue and resurrection, I think it’s only fair that Dean take the time to fully accept Castiel’s actions and words for what they mean instead of simply moving forward as if they never happened.

What’s more, Misha Collins is one of the greatest and kindest people in this world, and he’s poured his heart and soul into Supernatural, just like everybody else. He’s spent 12 years on this project, and the final two episodes hardly mentioned his character. He didn’t deserve this. It’s heartbreaking that his last credit on this show will be a prank call from someone trying to impersonate him, and not something that pays tribute to such an important character and important actor**

The most devastating part of this ending is what happened in 15x19. Pardon my French when I say that that episode, the ultimate climax of the season and latter half of the series, was a piece of dog shit. It’s incredibly frustrating to invest in 15 years worth of television and look forward to this ultimate battle between two average boys and God the Almighty Himself and to instead watch a 6-minute long fist fight on the beach with the only dialogue being variations of “seriously guys, stay down.” 

My issues with 15x19 lie less in the storyline that was chosen and more in how they were presented. I am completely on board with Jack taking God’s power and eventually becoming the new God, but the episode was far too quick to have any real meaning, and, as stated before, Castiel’s sacrifice, which allows Sam, Dean, and Jack to do what they do in 15x19, is hardly mentioned.

Most fans agree that 15x19 was far too quickly paced. The plot with Michael and Lucifer was questionable to begin with, but should have been an episode on its own if it were to be perused at all. Michael’s story in particular could have been fleshed out to reiterate this theme of overly loyal sons and their fathers, as well as their relationships with less loyal siblings, but was instead reduced to about 20 minutes of screen time. 

Though this is less important, Lucifer’s plan to make a new Death felt like a cheap cop-out just to close the storyline with Death’s book, but we can finish that discussion another day. 

The general fan reaction to this atrocity of an episode was that this was meta, and according to Becky, the ending was supposed to be dog shit. This, along with the untouched storyline started when Cas died, gave fans so much hope that the finale would be this amazing piece of art that puts Supernatural in the history books. 

While it’s obvious that an hour cannot perfectly tie up every single event and arc with a pretty little bow, it can at least...try. Any finale should, at minimum, pay tribute to what the show started as (which 15x20 did well) and what it became (which 15x20 failed to do miserably). 

In addition, a reference to character back in season 1 is incredibly frustrating when recurring characters with actual, well, character go unnoticed. I mostly reference Eileen here, but this also applies to Jody and Donna. Nobody even mentions the other wonderful friends who have helped Sam and Dean along their journey to Heaven. If family doesn’t end in blood, then why doesn’t it extend to include Castiel, Jack, Mary, Rowena, Charlie, Kevin, Jody and her girls, Donna, and so many others?

Dean’s death was sad, I’ll give them that (and honestly, I was expecting it). However, considering that this man has defeated apocalypses, killed Death, and taken down God, his death via nail in the wall was incredibly anticlimactic, and something that could literally have happened at any point over the 15 seasons. While Dean’s death was obviously not my ideal ending, I think it could have worked if it were done properly, and in this case, it was not. That said, I do appreciate that Sam did not try to bring Dean back, as that would indicate literally no growth at all.

Dean’s funeral was...pathetic, to say the least. Sam being the only person there was depressing considering that Dean had lots of other close friends (and you’d think that Jack would pay his respects, but apparently not), however, this is likely a scene that was impacted by COVID and the availability of some of the cast, so I will not dwell on that scene.

Dean’s time in Heaven complicates matters even more. Firstly, Bobby confirms that Castiel is no longer in the Empty and has been in contact with Jack. I would have loved to see this reunion; Cas is essentially Jack’s father, and I would have loved to see how their upgrading/remodeling of Heaven brought them closer together. I understand that the writers were trying to focus this finale story on the brothers, this goes back to my earlier point that you cannot simply ignore everything that that this show has grown to include. Bobby’s explanation also begs the question of why Dean had no intention of seeing Cas (or Jack, for that matter) again now that he has the opportunity.

Secondly, Dean’s instinct to go directly for the Impala was very in-character, however, the editing implied that driving was all Dean did until Sam died. As we know, Sam dies of old age, likely (completely guessing here) upwards of 40-50 years from Dean’s death, and that is a very, very long time for Dean to simply driving around the mountains. It would have been nice to see Dean reunite with other family and friends who are also in Heaven, however, again, COVID restraints.

Sam’s ending was similar to what I and a lot of other fans imagined (not necessarily wanted, but predicted) it to be: kids and a wife, living a normal, monster-free, life. I hate to believe that he doesn’t end up with Eileen (to my recollection, his wife was a blur in the background, and it is unclear if she was meant to be Eileen) however that might just be my bias and appreciation of Shoshannah Stern. While I’m glad that this storyline gave Sam the room to grow and develop without his brother, it also completely ignores everything that he’s been through this past decade and a half, and that is something that should not happen. Sam grew and changed so much since he left Stanford and leaving that life, the life of a hunter, behind feels very counterintuitive.

Let’s not even discuss the wig that Jared wore. It reminded me of the Cain wig that Rob wore in the Hillywood parody.

What shocked me the most at the beginning of this episode was the lack of a “The Road So Far” compilation. I hoped for the full song with a recap of all 15 seasons, or, at minimum, the typical single-season recap. “Carry On My Wayward Son” is such an important part of the show and the culture of the fan base, that it seems almost sacrilegious that the season finale not begin with this song and a memorial to the events in the past season (or series).*** I’m very happy that it was included at all, but I was shocked when Neoni’s cover took over.

No disrespect to Neoni; those girls are incredibly talented and I love their music, however, a series finale of a 15 season long show does not feel like the place for a cover when they already have the rights to the original, and the original is so iconic.

Lastly, I want to acknowledge Jensen Ackles’s reaction to this conclusion. At a con panel about a year ago, he said that he needed to be talked into agreeing to this script by Erik Kripke himself, because the ending just wasn’t sitting right with him. So many fans took this to believe that he was homophobic and afraid that of Destiel becoming fully canon, and he got so much more hate than he deserved, because ultimately, he was right in his first opinion. This isn’t the way this story should have ended. Jensen explained that he had been “too close” to the story, and that it took a more holistic view from a step backwards (the audience’s perspective, as he puts it) to agree on this ending, but honestly, nobody knows Dean Winchester better than Jensen, and he knows what’s best and what would be the best way to finish this character’s arc. I think fans and Jensen alike agree that this wasn’t it.

I sympathize with all of the cast and crew members who disagree with how this show ended but are bounded by contract to support this show no matter what. Especially Misha and Jensen.

Over all, I believe that Supernatural will go down in history (in internet communities, at least) as one of the greatest shows ever. While I do agree that the writing quality in terms of both dialogue and plot declined as years passed, the community, the family, that this show created cannot be ignored because of a poorly written/planned ending. I think that the fandom will collectively let go of this disaster of an ending that we were given and will, just like Sam and Dean, write our own stories. I have full faith and confidence that Supernatural will not be represented by this finale episode, but by the beautiful stories, amazing characters, and the family that this show created and what the fans have chosen to do with it.

Sincerely,

A Fiercely Frustrated but Fiercely Loyal Fan

* I do not count that last clip of Dean crying on the floor as mourning. In my mind, that was a reaction, not an emotional healing and overcoming, if that makes sense. I argue that if Dean were to fully mourn and process everything (like Sam did in 15x20) we would have seen at least a bit of that on screen. 

** This is where I would have loved to see some of the original scripts. I hope that the writers initial intentions were to have Misha more involved in these last two episodes than what was likely a voice memo created in 10 minutes tops at Misha’s house.

*** The strange montage at the end of 15x19 makes so much more sense. I still would have preferred that montage at the beginning of 15x20. This also shines light on the video that Misha posted. What would we do without him :)

[koryuoftheriverflow]

I’m gonna compile a list of all the things in the episode that follow the narrative thread of the season (or seasons 7-15) or make no sense whatsoever that, imho, allow us to imagine (to know) that *this* was not supposed to happen. Yes, I’m wearing my clown wig and make up. If I have to believe that this finale was written by someone like say, Sera Gamble (Sam is the best, Dean is destined to live in his shadow and Cas is not in the picture), following Kripke’s initial plan, and imposed by the network onto Dabb and the other writers (whose *real* finale was 15.18 - and 15.19 which, bucklemmings’ usual problems aside, was really not that bad), just so that I can sleep tonight... Then so be it! - Montage from 15.19 with no actual meaningful moments from the past 15 seasons but a shitton of dream/fake episodes ??? - Single pillow - Mourning beer on the nightstand - Single lamp - Pizza box on the unoccupied side of the bed - Miracle - Sam’s jog in a place that reminds me a lot of his commercial in Changing Channels ??? - Dabb’s pies - That was Robert Singer on the background, laughing at Sam throwing a pie in Dean’s face, right? - The painting with the beach - Tongues ripped out so victims can’t speak - Hearts - That damn barn - Cas/Dean/Alastair vs Dean/Sam/chick - I had a hard time remembering that girl because why the hell is she even here? Why is Dead men’s blood so important right now? Pls explain ??? - The fact that it took me a while to understand that it was Dean the one impaled and not the vampire, because when they closed up on the metal thingy earlier I totally thought it was going to end up as it usually does in these cases ??? - You’re stronger than me ??? - It was supposed to end like this for me ??? (Hello free will?????) - It’s always being you and me (Hello family dont end in blood and it doesnt start there either???) - Hearts again - Agent Bon Jovi (No rest for the wicked) ??? - At least I made it to Heaven (this sounded so much like Dean just gave up because there was no one left and at least in, what he believed to be the old version of, Heaven he could relive good memories) - Ash’s monkey - It’s the Heaven you deserve (deserve - deserve - deserve) - El Sol - Cas helped (Dean’s smile, bless you Jensen) - KAZ2y5  - You got everything you could ever want, or need, or dream (the one thing I want - I need you - he sounds... dreamy) - The Roadhouse - The road (hello 8.07) - Sam’s son named Dean like this is the Epilogue only worse - And no Eileen - The bridge and Hey, Sammy and Stanford clothes (ok, we get it) - The farewell at the end - Jensen’s fucking face I cant ashjhshdjkahdk he’s dead inside - Cast and crew all together with no masks despite covid so where the hell are Cas and Eileen ??? - And cut!  Like, at least the fact that they broke the 4th wall lets me believe that this was the ending of the in-story show Supernatural and not the ending of *the story* and its characters.  Because this is a bros only ending and it was *not* what they’ve been building towards for months and years. And I couldn’t wrap my head around the fact that Jensen had to call lots of people and Eric bloody Kripke to have the ending explained to him, because from where I was watching the story unfold, it was the perfect arc for Dean (and Jensen knows Dean better than anyone). And that’s why I’m convinced this one is a pre-established ending. And Bobo and Dabb and all the rest in the writers room wrote 15.18 to be our ending, because they couldn’t write this one.  And yes, of course, no more sacrifice between the brothers is very good. But Dean dead? Sam with the white picket fence life?  This ending is so... ancient. It belongs to an era of Spn that is long gone. I honestly believe that the actors (maybe not Jared ‘cause he’s still under contract with the CW) and the writers will speak up about this. Some more than others, maybe. But I want the truth to come out. I want to know if they had to compromise to give us, albeit one-sided, canon Destiel. If they took us as far as they could, because they weren’t allowed to bring us to the right end.  And they tried to warn us: Misha and Cas’s sacrifice, Bobo and the unexpected, Dabb and his 30% and GoT finale. I thought he was trolling, but no... he was just warning us that, yeah, we were not gonna like it. How could we? But I want him to speak up, because he’s the one who’s gonna take the blame for this. I watched him write for this show for 12 years and I know he can do way better than this.  Jack as the soul bomb in 11.23, stopped, like Amara stopped, because of love.  The Empty being loud. The need to speak one’s truth. Free Will winning over the Author. Chuck’s ending with bros only and no Castiel being shit. We are real (from both Destiel and Saileen). The family they have built along the way. None of this was in the episode, but they have been writing with those themes in mind for years. So, no. I don’t understand. Call me delusional. Chuck knows I’ve been called that before, but on *that one thing* we were right. We were so fucking right. I genuinely think the writers are going to speak up, because their careers are at stake. Because *this* isn’t the way to end a story. And Misha, and Jensen. Jensen, I beg you to say something. Because this I understand now, why they were talking about 15.18 as if that episode was the finale. And why they didn’t say goodbye to Castiel, because no... his story isn’t over. So many other - well, I don’t want to say plot points, but certainly emotional points - were left unadressed, abandoned.  We still need answers.  If I can’t get them in text, I demand to have them from, yeah, word of God.  The thing that I’m mourning now is the possibily (and Spn has a history of missed chances, but we love it in spite of that) of going down in history as the tv show that did something game changing.  Still, I’m grateful for all the people, near and far, that have come into my life because of it. Family indeed don’t end with blood. @mittensmorgul @postmodernmulticoloredcloak @bluestar86 @drsilverfish @bakasara @rambleoncas @k-vichan @shirtlesssammy @lets-steal-an-archive I hope you don’t mind my tagging you lovely people (and there are many more), but I’ve followed you for so long, and I’ve read all your metas for years. They’ve kept me company for a decade. It’s been a wild ride and I just want to say, while asking for your opinion on the show one last time, THANK YOU. Supernatural was good, but it was especially lovely thanks to you all <3

[incarnateirony]

The government only allows the person working to cross over for quarantine so at the earliest Mish won’t be in Van until tomorrow so he’ll only be able to be in like 2 days of 15.20. We know 19/20 are filming somewhat simultaneously and scene 46 (probably the last scene since most epis have around 42) was already filmed. I’m worried that even if he films part of 20 it’s minimal and not part of the grand finale. The possibility of Cas not getting his toes in the sand with his family just hurts.

What part of “you’re completely lacking the rest of the context of whether that’s a directly experienced story, a relayed story, a zoom call during wife driving story, or any other potential context of that second to the fact that we already know he’s been quarantining in a hotel for weeks” missed you?

I know you guys want really, really, REALLY bad to be upset and imagine worse case scenarios, but he’s /already been quarantining./

Stop.

Or at least stop spamming my inbox trying to get validation for the whackadoo because you’re not going to get it here. If you want to get reason and points where you’ve possibly missed discussion options, that’s fine. But if you’re going to double down, I say again: save my previous ask if you’re so certain, come back at me with I TOLD YOU SO if I’m wrong in like 4 months, but don’t clutter my inbox with some weird dedication to taking the worst possible read ever.

Even IF you're right with amount filmed while already there and "only two days" he could easily be in a third of the episode like most of his eps. Ffs, stop.

Which, by the way, you’re not. All you need to get to Canada is an eTA right now which the Collins could easily afford to do. It’s like 7 freaking bucks to apply and go through due process right now.

Travellers coming from outside the US who are exempt from the travel restrictions (list truncated to ones the Collins’ could fit within)

temporary foreign workers

any person who does not pose a significant harm to public health, in the opinion of the Chief Public Health Officer of Canada, and who will provide an essential service while in Canada

any person whose presence in Canada is in the national interest, in the opinion of the Minister of Immigration, Refugees and Citizenship; Minister of Public Safety and Emergency Preparedness; or Minister of Foreign Affairs

a person who is authorized, in writing, by a consular officer of the Government of Canada to enter Canada for the purpose of reuniting immediate family members

Who is an immediate family member

An immediate family member is defined as a

spouse or common-law partner

dependent child

dependent child of a dependent child

parent or step-parent

guardian or tutor

Public health measures for travellers to Canada

If you’re travelling by air, you need to

pass a health check conducted by airlines before you’ll be allowed to board your flight

wear a non-medical mask or face covering during travel (including to the place you’ll quarantine)

*jazz hands* I think you all forget that the WB is one of the most powerful companies in the world and all it takes is one plea to a Canadian official to let their families come along and that’s it, it’s done. Covid test before flight and still quarantine by agreement and it’s not hard.

When you arrive in Canada by air, land or sea, we’ll assess your health before you leave the POE. If you’re a foreign national, and you have symptoms of COVID-19, you won’t be allowed to enter Canada.

You must have a plan to quarantine for 14 days when you arrive in Canada, including

a place to stay

how you’ll

get to your destination

get your groceries

access essential services and medical care

This plan is mandatory, even if you have no symptoms. If you don’t have a plan, you should not travel to Canada. Otherwise, you may not be allowed to enter the country. A border services officer will determine if you can enter the country.

Seriously.

And again all of THIS is a huge aside on people not getting how powerful the WB is and how easy it would be to wiggle them in, which again *is not necessary* to approaching the matter because *we don’t even know if Misha was there for the story he retold or if he’s trolling the fuck out of you over something his wife just said the kids did while he was calling her*. 

And again, even with THAT, there would be a total of 4 days total filming at anywhere from 4 to 12 shots per day based on your worst case scenario, so again, I really don’t know why someone is coming to basically lowkey argue through anon just to post sad stuff at me after I showed the many ways this is being blown out of proportion. I’ll say it again: save my posts, if I’m wrong and Misha just totally isn’t in the finale at all, come back in 4 months and Told You So’ed me. Otherwise, like. Seriously, stop insisting on posting negativity at people and doubling down at them when they clearly disagree with you, wtf?

This shit is ENDLESS guys, wave after wave, year after year, upset after upset, panic after panic, and somehow nobody ever catches a clue about it, and it starts all over again every season, every finale, sometimes every episode, and more bafflingly every tweet that people leap several football fields of conclusions in a single step over. Every time. *wHY*

The logic of “WHY DON’T THEY JUST SPOIL ALL THE ENDING STUFF FOR US RIGHT NOW WHILE WE GET SUPER LOUD ABOUT IT” is roughly tantamount to “WHY NOT JUST POST THE SCRIPTS FOR THE ENDING NOWWWWW” and I’m so very very tired of trying to be gentle and logical with everyone. I was gently logical last ask, but this doubling down, I’m not gonna just keep going “Yeah ok pls keep sending me stuff that’s arguing out the side of your mouth and spamming my ask box with things you know I clearly disagree with”

You have a right to feel feelings, hell, you have a right to be sad about ideas. But as much as “it just hurts to think XYZ”, I think there’s an absolute lack of consideration that people spraying their incessant dark takes at people in the middle of a pile of global crisises for the sheer dedication to said dark take is itself one emotional black hole for the people on the receiving end, even if they very confidently disagree with you, it’s e x h a u s t i n g

Imagine being stuck on a loop having ten thousand emo takes being thrown at you even if you have an answer to all of them, but once you answer them all, they loop back over again from different people, and all the people try to argue with you. Doesn’t matter how confident you are, you can and will be depleted of energy and give a damns by the end of it.

Add in that chunks of this fandom try to make it seem like a cardinal sin to post positively in your own space or want to maintain your space as a positive space, while going around and negging on other people’s shit, and calling it positivity policing if they literally don’t want people dropping flaming poo bags on their doorstep, and somehow this has been entirely normalized. Holy fuck I’m tired of this fandom and honestly couldn’t be gladder the show is ending.

If people wanna spend months hurting themselves with things that hurt to think about and feel that’s their prerogative, I can’t control that, but a simple point to ask is if it hurts to think it, why be so dedicated to staying on a specific interpretation that is far from the only viable one? So you... don’t get hurt in several months? So you spend several months choosing to hurt yourself and other people? Sounds self destructive, can’t relate.

So one last time: There is no recent image of Misha with his kids. Misha has posted a picture of his kid with a spatula with no proof it was him that took it. As recently as Aug 19th he was confirmed to be at “someone else’s place” than his own when Yang was talking about quarantine, has had that background for a few weeks (he had the same painting--or painting style, such as a persistently decorated building--behind him Aug 6 and 8 from a different angle), and even implied pre-GISH that he was going to be in vancouver at the end of GISH. His recent streaming is not his house environment, does not match recent images of where his kids last were, we don’t know if he was even there in person for the convo, and even if he was, he could get his kids there if he really needed to. The entire crew has been intentionally cryptic about his location for a damn good reason and that alone should tell you everything, but if it doesn’t, just save these goddamn asks and come back months later if I’m wrong, instead of wasting my time and energy.

So your options are: 

Misha is in a large suite, or rotated suites, in a hotel with extremely stock decor across its rooms or

Misha is malevolently finding copies of mountain art and matching hotel furniture to move around pretending to be in quarantine and getting a politician to help him lie about being with someone else in a machiavellian plan just to fuck with everyone.

QUICK HE TWEETED A PIC OF HIS KID WITH ENTIRELY DIFFERENT BACKGROUND AND POSTED A NO CONTEXT TWEET ABOUT A KID BEING A KID IN THE CAR, SLAM THE BREAKS. 

The quarantine info is just extra, because I’m like 99% sure the kids aren’t even there with him right now. And that he is in fact in Van. But just a little note about how people don’t consider the full spread of potential before going off.

The logical answer to all of this is simple:

Misha went into quarantine only about 2 days behind the other guys (who started aug 4thish), to attend either day 3 or 5 shooting for episode 20 shoots mixed into ep 19 shooting which is why his colors are recently visible on the tape ball THEY ZOOMED IN ON DURING THEIR SONG WHEN HE SAID HE WASN’T ON SET “today” (Aug 20th -- a day they were doing NO EPISODE 20 FILMING UNLIKE THE DAY BEFORE AND THE DAY AFTER), because he’s paid by episode and not by day/hour, and the three stars will be fitted to what costars need flown in for a scene or two; Misha is trolling the fuck out of everyone’s anxiety, either with the kids being legally entered to Canada (unlikely) or by just second hand relaying some silliness that happened while he was calling his wife over the phone bluetooth (likely), or something else in that wheelhouse (likely.) and will be in Van a few more weeks.

The least logical answer to all of this:

In direct conflict with other script leaks earlier this year, Misha came in just to die deadeded in episode 19 instead of 18, and instead his death is the feature in 19, and he’s already shot his scenes and been totally happy with it as a cas ending despite being thrown into the trash the way fans keep imagining because of a random tweet with no physical evidence for the conclusion they jumped to from the tweet, and went home before even episode 19 filming is done, because people want to envision the worst case scenario.

He wasn’t documented in Van/quarantine location until Aug 6. He couldn’t have attended shooting until day 3, by all odds. Like I said, he came a few days behind the others. Almost like, gee, he was aiming to be there for day 3 of filming or something.

if you really think they’re gonna fly Misha out early just to literally film, like, scene 46 of episode 20 or something too as the new argument--I really don’t know what to tell you beyond the fact you’re dedicated to being upset.  Another logical read of this is, as one of the three stars that’s going to have a sizable impact on the final episode, he’s going to need to meet other guest stars that will have a few scenes between 19 and 20, so days 3 and 5 probably have someone like Billie or Bobby or some other character that needs to be in both in the related scenes so they only have to be on site for one day of filming instead of weeks as opposed to the core stars. Take note several of the 28PartWhatevers are on the multifilming days, for example. Do some detective work. Figure this out past initial kneejerk when you literally know the entire cast is fucking with you at this point.

Whoever’s in 15.19 28pt4 and 20 also needed to be around for a Misha shot for 15.20 shot 46 which will be hella close to the end. Bet your ass. Be that Billie or Mary or what, I don’t know. Hell, maybe they got JDM to show up for one final shot, we don’t fucking KNOW. Same for 15.19 28pt7 and 8, the fact 28pt4 was shot AGAIN, and possibly 23pt2 with possible overlaps of 15.20 11, 12, 43.

Coincidentally, day 3 only had like 4 shots while we do know Misha had availability at his quarantine spot from PST onward. Of course, that would make sense, if the 15.20 scene 46 shot being listed first on the board means they did it first and Misha was home before lunch. Hell, his hair was still Cas-styled on his time on with Yang, as opposed to “I kinda brushed my hair today”. Light scruff, check, but full beard, nope. 

Read as: That would mean he was filming for late/final shots of 20, not 19.

[anxiety-trademark]

The week in review:

Raw 11/09 NXT 11/11 NXT UK 11/12 Smackdown 11/13

Raw:

Shayna vs Lana?? God poor Lana. Preemptive “rip”

Lmfao Lana is so damn extra.

Okay but WHY is Asuka facing Nia later? And where has Asuka even been the past few weeks?

Yikes. Lana is so friggin useless in kf.

Rofl Nia mocking Dana’s voice, I cannot with her.

Did Dana and Mandy actually save Lana from #8?? They got half a point. I get why they’re reluctant to help Lana, but they’re nearly coming off as the mean, popular girls, and I know that’s not their personas. I get she fucked them over, but it was inadvertent. Buy some goodwill guys.

Are they the Gucci girls now? Honestly flashforward to current times, Charlotte fits right in with them. If you were gonna have Charlotte head a stable, Dana and Mandy are the perfect people to put with her.

“We totally saved your butts... Lana.” :/ Dana. Dana plz. With all the work you put into your craft, HOW are you still the weakest promo in the division?

“Okay listen, thank you, you’re welcome,” just let Mandy and Dana practice wrestling cuz their promos are fucking painful.

Lana No-Friends.

Why is Alexa happily destroying flowers??

Lol has no memory of seeing Nikki the week prior. Yikes. Are we still sure it’s not drugs???

“Lexi I’m not playing.” “That’s too bad, Nikki.” What she means, Nikki, is there are 2 options: play or pain. You should just play. Actually side note; wasn’t that Nikki’s whole damn character when she debuted? ‘Nikki wants to play’? ‘Play with Nikki’??

Omfg Alexa is god damn stellar. Nikki tells her to choose either Fiend/Bray or [Nikki]. Alexa thinks about it for a moment, “okay. I choose... *blows the flower petals in Nikki’s face* him!” Then fucking claps, giggles and walks away. Imagine if you had a whole damn roster that could be this entertaining.

Also Nikki is really talented in her own right. Working with Alexa did wonders as far as promos and acting go.

Survivor Series team is supposedly at ringside because Asuka is about to go one on one with Nia. I’m not seeing the correlation.

Shayna officially playing the role of henchman now, I see. That’s interesting.

Asuka does a lot of things worth praising. Her Octopus is not one of them.

It’s always nice seeing Nia bump like she does for Asuka.

Oh that kickout into an armbar by Asuka was BEAUTIFUL.

Asuka said “fuck all y’all we’re busy rn”

I hate Shayna’s hammerfists SO much.

This Survivor Series team is a fucking disaster in kf.

aaaaand there’s number 8. Jeeeeze. “You don’t belong here, you’re gonna drag us down. Just quit.” This is a bullying story done right tbh. No personal petty bs insults, no body shaming. Just straight up physically assaulting the weakest link that has zero friends. It’s a good story. I feel sympathy for sure.

Highlight: Alexa & Nikki backstage segment

---

NXT:

See I don’t mind Shotzi’s backstage promos at all. She exudes passion. I can feel her emotions. But 9 times out of 10 she ends it in a howl and I want to scream.

Weak final thought though. There was really nothing better you could end it on? Okay.

So Xia calls out Raquel and then doesn’t show. Not sure if it’s for kf or meta reasons.

I like Raquel speaking Spanish while brawling. She should incorporate that more, especially with Zelina gone. We need more Latina talent (no disrespect to Bayley or Sasha, if they wanna start speaking Spanish then good on them)

“Everybody better take their-- my name out of their mouth.” SIGH can I get a non-awkward speaker that isn’t Nia? Anyone? Anywhere? Hello??

What the hell does any of this Xia stuff mean? Fine I’ll be patient.

So is Toni a face? I thought she was a heel. Did I misinterpret the heel turn pre-covid era? That’s even worse, she’s even more the same now.

Ugh rough day when I’m here cheering for Toni. God I hate Candice.

Do you really have the right to call anyone a ‘punk rock poser’ Candice? I mean... REALLY?

It’s not that I hate Toni’s headbutt, I just hate it when people take themselves out delivering a headbutt.

Anticlimactic sequence. Toni says fuck your second rope neckbreaker to Candice, then Candice says fuck your second rope leg drop to Toni, just to follow up with a mere kick to the jaw and a pinfall attempt. Missed opportunity to really get something going.

Sad attempt at putting her feet on the ropes by Candice.

Good let Toni be a “sore loser” fuck Candice.

So the masked figure is Indi, right? Why are they keeping her masked? What’s the purpose? Yeahhh that’s really not a surprise. Anyway.

It’s a damn shame what happened in 2020, the whole world has felt it. And it’s a damn shame that you didn’t get to show out in front of 80k people. I truly feel for you. Your loss, however? In kf I can’t feel bad because you sought HER out on HER show. In a meta sense? She did you a favor taking that title. You were 5 seconds from being called Charlotte 2.0, and you deserve better. You deserve the opportunity to grow and make a name for yourself without being handed everything before the age of 25, and you’re SO much better off for it.

The downfall of “nxt’s hottest new act” was a great story. It sucks to be her, but it was a great story. Rhea’s gonna be a fucking STAR on the main roster. She will thrive. She will exceed expectations. She will make a name for herself. She had to eat that humble pie first, though. Obviously I know how this match ends already, and rightfully so. 

Highlight: I guess the Io/Rhea Prime Target

---

NXT UK:

Kind of a bummer that there’s only ever one women’s match/segment every week on UK. I want to ponder whether it’d be different sans a pandemic, but I’m not certain it would be.

Xia Brookside is too animated in her moves, and her moves are always too slow for it to mesh well.

They compliment Xia’s “technical work” but she just comes off as someone who has learned the absolute basics and has no idea how to utilize them in a match.

Interesting to note that they seem to be building up 2 heels in Nina and Jinny, yet the champ herself is a heel. Not quite making me believe either of them have a chance at defeating her in the future.

Nice I always love a good codebreaker. Points to Xia.

That was a nice cartwheel off the turnbuckle using the ropes. One would assume the tweak to the knee was a farce.

Stupid small package. Stupid result. At least Nina got some heat back, but she should’ve won, lesbireal.

Side note: I see UK does in fact have a pc. No excuse for these women to get gassed so quickly then, get it together.

Highlight: The network exclusive video package for KLR vs Piper

---

Smackdown:

What a racy outfit. I don’t hate it, Sasha wears it well.

There’s like a million things you can do with Sasha that doesn’t involve a live promo in the middle of the ring. Explore them plz.

Carmella’s not a technical master by any means, but having her superkick and then finish with a facebuster is super weak.

What’s also weak: where the fuck did Bayley go?

What’s even weaker than that: Carmella had like the best theme music and now it’s gone. Tragic.

Lol why is Nattie stomping her feet like she’s throwing a tantrum? She’s hilarious tbh.

“If team Smackdown is going to win,” lmao let me cut you off right there. Imagine the SD women actually winning at SvS. Good joke.

Omg Chelsea is alive? We gave her a tag match in nxt with the women’s champion Charlotte Flair... Charlotte fucking Flair... and then kept her off tv for like 6 months for this? Is this her grand debut?? Is she even ready for the main roster???

Wait hold on. Back up. So Chelsea touched Adam’s shoulder and had some off camera conversation to make her way into this triple threat match? *sigh* okay.

I don’t quite remember who this team consisted of, but if I had to guess, I’d assume Liv wins this match since Ruby is already on the team.

Love Chelsea’s theme music, love that a giant picture of herself is no longer her titantron... HATE the flowy wedding dress veil that she wears on the bottom half of her outfit.

Should stick Chelsea with Nattie tbh.

What the hell was that by Liv? A fake out standing crucifix turned into a ddt? Fucking beautiful.

Nattie and Liv work together nicely ngl. Liv really does have a lot of potential, but she’s god awful on the mic. Tag team wrestling is best for her for the foreseeable future.

“This is a fatal 4way,” Cole reminds us, because Chelsea and Tamina have seemingly died.

Should’ve just made this a singles match between Liv and Nattie, jesus.

Lmfao Liv pinned Tamina. What took Chelsea out? A dropkick off the apron. A dropkick off the apron took Chelsea out for 3 minutes, and she got maybe 3 moves of offense. Yikes, what a debut.

So when does Bayley get added as captain?

Highlight: The match that totally wasn’t a singles match between Liv & Nattie

---

*Bad week in wrestling, but yet again, Raw shines the brightest because as small as their roster may be, they’re being utilized decently well.

[trippingthelightdyspraxic]

PRE-LOCKDOWN TENSION: It’s A Thing.

January 5th, 2021.

Yesterday I felt tense all day. I’d slept badly, I had a vague sense of dread and every little thing irritated the hell out of me. My dyspraxia ramped itself up so that I was not only walking into door frames as usual, but into the walls as well.  Usually when I feel like this it’s a sure sign my period’s incoming, but that wasn’t it. 

JUST SHUT UP KEIR

After sitting at my laptop for two hours failing to get on with any of the three articles I’d started, I began to doomscroll. The tabs open on my screen multiplied: The Guardian, BBC News, Sky News, and as the news feeds turned my brain to vegan gelatin, The Mirror. Every time I hit Refresh, a tiny hit of dopamine - have they actually made a decision yet -  turned quickly to the dregs of disappointment.  A football result. A New Year MBE for someone I’ve never heard of. Keir Starmer calls for an immediate lockdown - cheers Keir, Boris will feel contractually obliged to do the opposite now so basically you’ve screwed us all.

GOD BORIS WILL YOU LOCK US DOWN ALREADY

It was obvious we needed a lockdown. SAGE scientists had been calling for one since before Christmas, and the Chief Medical Officer had raised the alert level to 5, meaning that the NHS was in danger of being overwhelmed.  It was obvious that a lockdown could and should be imminent, but the confusion felt overwhelming. I hadn’t felt like this since March, when I was working in a school library and I’d sat between two year eleven pupil librarians racing each other on their refresh buttons to see who could get the news of the rumoured school closures first. 

SCHOOL IS TOTALLY SAFE. HONEST. 

Had I imagined that planned press briefing from Downing Street at midday? Any mention of it had disappeared from the Live feeds: perhaps I’d imagined it. But if I hadn’t imagined it, why had it been cancelled? What did they know that I didn’t? What new Coronahorrors were being frantically discussed even now, with every Refresh, in some secret bunker beneath Boris’ port cellar? 

Teaching Unions had advised their members the previous day that to go into work was unsafe. My own usually cautious union had, a day later, advised me of the same. And yet the Prime Minister was telling us that schools were safe and we should send our primary aged children in. Always a good girl at school, my default position in life is to do as I’m told unless it involves shopping my neighbours to the Gestapo or eating offal, so I duly waved off my ten year old and tried to disguise the cynicism in my voice as I told her to have a lovely day. 

At eleven o’ clock, two hours, and no articles later, the dread phone call from the school pierced my consciousness like a malfunctioning smoke alarm. 

“S is in the medical room,” the receptionist said. My heartbeat raced -  “It’s not Covid.” - and slowed again. Apparently the class had been watching a film about Odysseus when my kid had freaked out at the Cyclops and come over faint. I almost laughed with relief. “You can phone back later to check she’s OK,” the receptionist reassured me. I forgot. 

I BLAME THE CAT

After a while I gave up trying to work, and sat on the cat’s preferred chair with my legs outstretched. Sure enough, she fell asleep on me. 

“Look,” I told my teenagers, “I can’t do anything, dammit. The cat fell asleep on me. I think I’ll just read for half an hour.” 

Three hours later they started saying things like “Have you had lunch?” as I began the second volume of the Dystopian trilogy I hadn’t even intended to start. 

At twenty past two,  Nicola Sturgeon announced that Scotland would go into lockdown from midnight. Wales was sensibly doing likewise. From past experience it looked like Boris would follow their lead (eventually) and my PLT eased slightly. I shook off the cat and made myself some carb-heavy food. Then at 3.19 came the announcement that the Prime Minister would address the nation at 8pm, ON TELLY.  I exhaled the breath I’d been holding all day. Something that serious was either going to be lockdown or the Queen was dead. 

EVERYBODY WATCH THE BORIS SHOW

Don’t get me wrong. No-one loves a lockdown, and I’m no exception. But by the time the Government finally got around to it yesterday, a YouGov poll had reported that 80% of us would support one. Staring into Boris’ cold dead glassy eyes between episodes of Coronation Street as he announced Lockdown 3,  I felt a relief like I usually only feel once a month. 

Lockdowns, like periods, are messy, inconvenient and painful.  But the tension that precedes them is far worse. As women know, you just have to get on with it. 

Chocolate helps.

Alison J North

[renegade-is-in-my-blood]

Being in the blogging business for around 8 years now I came to learn a lot. Let’s hear from the old bitter blogger about the difference between being an ambassador and being a customer. When you’re investing more than you’re gaining from the collaboration it’s not really a collaboration you’re looking for.

There is a new trend going around social media, especially Instagram. I’ve been getting collaboration offers on a daily basis even pre COVID times but now the amount of pseudo collaborations increased.

Hands down it is an incredible business strategy from the business point of view.

Everyone wants to be an ambassador.

Ambassador became an even more prestigious title than an influencer. Influencer posses some sort of responsibility for their actions whilst ambassador is just being paid for simply being.

Who wouldn’t want that?

Many brands use this knowledge to the fullest and offers these pseudo collaborations.

So what is a pseudo collaboration?

Well, it starts off by being contacted by a brand.

You’ll receive a ctrl+c ctrl+v message from a brand-name-scout. The message contains several cute emojis and addresses you as a gorgeous, pretty, cutie, love, honey, sweety, and if they really want to get you, even by your Instagram name.

It’s usually followed by a bunch of compliments about your fashion style, vibe, Instagram, or whatever. Then there is a lie about following or just generally noticing you for a while without ever seeing your insta story, like any of your posts, or even actually following you.

Now it’s time for an offer beneficial for you.

Usually, it’s free products, a way to earn a commission, or just the sheer option to be able to call yourself an ambassador. Every single brand out there offers a “support” like anyone really knows what’s that supposed to mean. I had several ones even offering me a travel trips, but never elaborated on it after my further questioning.

Now comes the hook with a “do you want to learn more?” question.

If you think I’m exaggeration for the story and I can’t be generalizing all of the collaborations offers into a simple standard form I wish you were right. Here are some of the screenshots of my current Instagram DMs:

You might think: “What’s wrong with that? They’re trying so don’t be mean. Just ignore them.” let me remind you how dumb Instagram algorithm is.

If your account is followed by bots, messaged by bots, liked by bots Instagram assumes you’re one of them or you got hacked by them. Sweet of them for trying to protect you thought, but holy hell did that made everything super complicated for me.

I got several messages from the brand scouts messaging me again because their previous account got deleted.

No shit Sherlock, it’s like you can’t keep creating accounts, following and messaging a bunch of people at once and ask for money anymore.

So now every time my account gets suspicious activity such as too many likes/follows/messages Instagram suspects my account got hacked. Each time they require I change my password and let me tell you I ran out of password ideas months ago.

That’s not the worst part though.

After each time I change my password I’m blocked for 7 days from liking, following, or adding tags to my posts and that sucks. Just to get a better picture of this issue I’m blocked approximately once sometimes twice per month.

The block comes hand in hand with a shadowban that lingers for god knows how long, meaning Instagram is not gonna support you in any way. That’s why I have around 40 likes on a posts with 47K followers most of which are bots anyway.

I loath Instagram app yet I spend hours a day on the hellish site and I’m not only one.

We spend so much time on Instagram anyway so when a chance to earn money form it comes along you’re tempted to take it. Brands know that.

Imagine you’re a small-town girl with around 400 followers on Instagram. You already feel pretty popular right?

Now imagine you get the messages I shared above but you get just one. Someone out there thinks you’re so popular they want you on their team, you are just like the big influencers, you get job offers for being an Instagram star. You’re the next Kardashian.

You can have all of the things they said to you BUT you need to do something for them first. You have to pay for it.

And here is the catch with all of the pseudo collaborations.

What they don’t say to you in their first message is what it’s gonna cost you.

Many offers you free stuff but you need to pay for the one-time shipping. Some brands offer you a unique discount of around 40-60% off so you’ll pay just a part of the price and you can call yourself an ambassador.

I don’t know about you, but I thought that was called the customer. You buy a product, you wear it and occasionally you take photo of it on your social media sites. The new term is an ambassador apparently.

I get why so many people agree to this kind of collaboration. It’s new for you. It makes you feel good and successful in your friend’s and families eyes. And there is that hopefully undertone of making money from it.

Aren’t the brands unprofitable when they give away discounts and free stuff?

In a theory, yes, but there is one thing all of the brands that messaged me had in common except for the audacity.

Overpriced products.

I got messaged by jewelry stores, fashion stores and gym equipment stores most of the time. I took the time and did my research on every one of them.

When a store sold jewelry, they had the same products as the rest of the jewelry stores I got contacted by. A small variety of around 8 products most of them sold out anyway. And let’s not forget the ridiculously high prices. You can’t charge a cheap Chinese necklace you can get on amazon or aliexpress for under a 1$ for 40$.

So even if you’re paying just around 30$ for your ambassador order they are still making a profit on your wannabe Instagramer need cuz they purchased said items for far less.

Well, I’m being a little miss know it all right?

How can I talk about pseudo collaboration like this when it’s all based on assumptions. Well you know me, I’m curious as hell and I actually went through 3 pseudo collaborations myself just to prove a point.

I literally spend money so I can tell you about it right now so here is how my 3 pseudo collaborations went like.

All of the ones I choose were jewelry based pseudo collaborations. With the corona times, post offices are overwhelmed with parcels. I ordered big parcels in recent times and they arrived with around a month delay. I figured smaller jewelry in an envelope form would be quicker to arrive and I was right.

Pseudo collaboration number one VONACHI:

A simple yet luxurious-looking website with very few decent pieces of jewelry, offered me 3 free pieces to take a photo in and promote. I would also get a 60% discount code and every time my code would be used I would receive 30% of the money amount. Incredibly overpriced amount in the first place.

Here is the list of all of the benefits they offered.

The scout that approached me was very eager. They kept insisting I place my order right away. No time to waste.

To make it clear I got a simple code to apply in a check out that subtracted the price and I got the pieces for free. All I had to do was pay a 20$ shipping fee what seems like nothing but for 3 small necklaces, it is way too much.

Another thing that was odd was that I was required to take a screenshot of my order and send it back to scout. I guess to prove I was legit.

After bunch of further compliments and claims how excited they are to be working with me we ended our conversation.

If you think I was being reckless to give my credit card and home address to such a questionable site don’t be.

Honestly, I trust zero people, sometimes I don’t even trust myself. I used a card I have no to very little money on and I got it shipped to a work address.

My parcel from china arrived in around a month and a half. I got one black box with one necklace and the other 2 necklaces were in small plastic bags. I received a note about welcoming me to the program and asking me to contact vonachi’s official Instagram account for setting up my discount code and that’s exactly what I did. The official page responded after longer time period with just a “this is your code” message. I took a photo, tagged vonachi as a business partner, and shared my code. I did my part and I was never contacted by them again.

My 60% code is VONAMBNAT and as you might have guessed no one used it so far.

Or at least no one told me it was used. If someone were to use my code I would be contacted by vonachi and here is the problem. I’m supposed to trust them with their credibility cuz there is no other way for me to check it for myself. This is what it’s missing from the old Time collaborations of mine. I would get a tracking code, an account login, graphs, statistics, and one on one communication with a brand in my previous collaborations. But you know Golden times for influencers are long gone.

Now I’m left to just simply trust them.

Why would they ever confess someone used my code? If a customer gets 60% off and I’m getting 30% from already discounted item there is just a very little left for vonachi. They don’t say anything and get to keep my 30% share.

They didn’t put much effort into tracking system cuz they are not expecting their ambassadors/customers to make any sales anyway.

The products were not that bad. They came in a bit rusty and tangled but I was excepting much worse.

Hell, I was not expecting them to legitimately arrive.

Pseudo collaboration number 2: ENGELSINN

I initiated this pseudo collaboration myself. Engelsinn paid a significant amount of money to Instagram promoted post and that’s where I found out they are looking for ambassadors.

I filled out an application form.

This one felt more legit cuz they actually asked for followers count and all of the communication occurred via email. Automated emails but still it reminded me of good old days.

I was given a 40% discount code to use on my first order. The shipping was free but it still cost me another 20$ to get the product. Since placing my first order I got a 20% discount code “nat7x20” for my followers to get 20% off their engelsinn order.

When my code is redeemed 2 times I get one jewelry of my choice for free.

Do I even need to mention that I didn’t get any email since?

Well, that’s not exactly true I got 2 more emails each with another discount code I could use for 24 hours and buy more of their stuff. But none about redeemed code.

Engelsinn is a german based brand and living so close I got my parcel in around a week. I got myself a rose gold knot bracelet and I feel like a hypocrite but I actually really love this one and wear it every day. I know I wouldn’t get it if it wasn’t for the research but I’m glad I did.

Btw the ad about engelsinn looking for ambassador is still up there and it still says they have only a few places left. It’s been 2 months.

Pseudo collaboration number 3: CUZETTE

I got messaged by them on my Instagram and their offer was super confusing. They promised it all. 3 free stuff now, free stuff every month, paid trip to several destinations, and even 50$ voucher. The scout called me sweety exactly 9 times during our conversations. It was super annoying.

So I choose another 3 free items and paid another 20$ for shipping. When I asked about the 50$ voucher I was told I would need to refer 5 friends who would also become cuzette ambassador or delegate as they named it, to get the 50$. No info about the travel trips though.

I was told to contact the official page for more info but it took days for them to finally reply with nothing new just more compliments and excitement about the future. It’s been 2 months and I still haven’t received my order just as I was expecting.

Later on, I endorsed in conversation with several other brands asking for more info, looking for something different than standard copy and paste form. Unsuccessful.

Every time I asked how many ambassadors they have in their program the answer was always “around 3000“. Once again, you have 3000 customers and not 3000 ambassadors. If the only people who buy from you are people you ask to buy from you, you’re doing something wrong.

But your business plan is on point.

When I asked about who and where makes their products I was either met with a silence or a sweet talk about a responsible brand.

These brands are providing people with content. You get to take photos of the items you ordered and you get to be as creative as you want. In these COVID times so many brands had to cancel or postpone their collaborations with bloggers or Instagrammers. I saw huge travel/luxurious instagramers switch form hotel and travel collaborations to promoting kitchen wipes. Times are tough and you got to do what you got to do.

Yet these small businesses with hight prices are thriving?

You know it’s not about the product but about the potential.

Profiting on greediness.

So smart.

To prove my point even further I got to confess one more thing. I mentioned before that I manage Instagram accounts for different brands and among them is one fashion store. I was not only at the ambassadors’ side but on the scouting side as well.

All I had to do was search for people who looked like they would be willing to become an ambassador for our store and had decent amount of followers. I had saved message form and all I did was try to guess peoples names so the message seemed more personal. Once they agreed to a discussion I let my boss take the lead.

So yeah, try to really think about the offers you get.

Look at it from all points of view and ask yourself if it’s profitable for anyone else but the brand.

If you want to have offers pouring your way try adding #ad #spon #collab to your next Instagram posts. That’s how they look for their next ambassador.

Everyone wants to be an ambassador. 

Pseudo Collaborations- Everyone wants to be an Ambassador Being in the blogging business for around 8 years now I came to learn a lot. Let's hear from the old bitter blogger about the difference between being an ambassador and being a customer.

[scurvgirl]

The Nature of Monsters, Part 6

 Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5

Remember a pre-COVID time where I was regularly posting this? This isn’t regular, but here’s an update!

Melarue belongs to @justanartsysideblog

This is NSFW

________________________________

When Kassaran wakes, she feels amazing. Better than amazing - superb, extraordinary, exceptional. She stretches languidly in bed, relishing the softness on her still naked skin. How lovely would it be to just...roll over and have sex again. But alas, she didn’t go to sleep with Melarue. Truthfully, it makes sense why they’d be hesitant about sharing a bed. In an early wakeful state, they could end up accidentally petrifying her - which no one wants. Still, Kass would be a little over the moon for some morning sex right about now. 

Instead, she climbs out of bed and dresses. She plans to train some more today, she wants to be in top shape before proposing working security at one of Melarue’s pleasure houses. As much as she has enjoyed taking this time off, she doesn’t want to feel entirely dependent on them, and she doesn’t want them to feel like she is freeloading. She is an independent woman who happens to...want to need them at this point. 

It’s still early enough that the sun is only barely peeking over the horizon when Kass finally leaves her room. The door clicks shut and she turns - right into Melarue. 

Their hands come to her arms in reflex and she stops, eyes landing on their face. They have their amulet on judging by the lack of curious snakes around their head, instead there is only the semblance of perfectly normal black hair coiled into ringlets. 

“Good morning,” they say and she feels herself relax into a sweet but knowing smile.

“Good morning,” she answers before dipping down to slant her mouth over theirs. They respond happily but do not otherwise move. Ever careful with their glasses, Kass pulls back slowly, still savoring their taste on her lips. 

“Sleep well?” They ask.

“Perfectly, you?” 

“Just as well.” They lean back up and kiss her cheek and then they walk downstairs to get breakfast together. They spend breakfast eating and talking and laughing, then Ash comes down, looking like the sleepy teenager she is. Melarue stays with them, listening to Ash excitedly talk about their outing the other day. It’s all so wonderfully domestic. 

“You are in your leathers, Kassaran,” Melarue says.

“Yes, I’m going to do some training today.”

“Mama wants to work again, so she has to get strong,” Ash says, “but I told her that she could do other things! She doesn’t have to fight.”

“You’re right,” Melarue replies, “she doesn’t have to fight if she doesn’t want to. Do you think this is wise, Kassaran?”

Kass rolls her eyes and bites her tongue to refrain from saying that there are precisely two ways she knows how to make money, and she has no intention of returning to sex work. Instead, she replies, “I want to work security at one of your houses, Melarue, if you would have me. I had wanted to be in better shape before approaching you, and I know that right now is...tenuous but I am not someone to laze around depending on other people like this. I need to work, if only to feel productive.” 

She maintains her gaze with Melarue, albeit obscured by the glasses. Melarue is silent for a moment before leaning forward, “Of course, I will have you. Though I am afraid I am not currently hiring.”

Kass feels her hopes deflate, but then they continue.

“Adair is hiring, however.”

“The healer who helped deliver Suvenin’s baby? Why does he need protection?

“Adair caters to those of us who cannot receive regular healing for fear of exposure and subsequent persecution. While he himself does not require protection, his patients often do. Someone with your background could be quite helpful for them to avoid hunters. I can recommend you if you like” 

Kass mulls it over for a second. It would be nice to repay Adair for healing her as well, and while he is a bit...eccentric, he’s not an unpleasant man. Part of her recoils at the idea of spending more time around monstrous people, but then again they’re her crowd now. After the moment’s thought, Kass nods.

“Yes, I’d appreciate that.” 

“Though I do not think you should be working until you build up your strength,” they qualify and she chuckles.

“Hence the training,” Kass says, finding it’s the only thing she can say after their words. They really do have a way with those things, don’t they? Her heart feels like it beats a little harder with each word they spoke and she has no clue on how to stop or fix this. She doesn’t even think she wants to. As nerve wracking it is to feel this way for them, she likes it, likes them. 

“Then we are in agreement.” 

**

Kass isn’t overly fond of the cold, but it feels nice for training. It keeps her from overheating, like in the summer months. After breakfast and seeing Ash set up with Lokraan, Kass sets out to begin her training. Most of it is strength building and conditioning, and it feels amazing to move it again. She feels strong and capable. 

After two hours of work, she is panting and hot despite the falling snow. She shucks off her outer layer and picks up a staff to work through fighting stances. She could have gone to her sword or her axe, but the staff requires a specific type of work that appeals to her at the moment. 

After thirty minutes, she loses another layer, leaving her in a short-sleeved undershirt and leather vest. 

“What a delightful view,” a low voice comments and Kass jerks around to see Melarue. They’re dressed far differently from any other time she’s seen them. Instead of a long elegant dress, they are bedecked in dark leather pants with matching jacket, a deep green shirt peeking through the fasteners of the jacket. surprisingly, their snakes are in free view. In their hand is a staff.

Kass raises an eyebrow, “Care to join me?” 

The grin is slow and sinful, “I was rather enjoying the show.”

“Whatever pleases your fancy,” she says, rolling her shoulders a bit. The longer she remains unmoving, the more the cold gets to her. 

Their head tilts and she thinks they’re following her movement. It pleases her to no end to know they find her attractive, even with all the wear and tear around the edges. 

They step forward with the staff, slow and graceful. Even outside of their obvious opulent finery, they move with the gracefulness of anyone who has spent time in the most lavish of courts. Like a snake, she realizes, which of course makes sense. They hold the staff low but their grip is anything but casual. 

“Melarue?” She asks, eyeing their movements. They stop and a grin spreads across their face.

“All this talk of how dangerous you are to me,” they say, turning away from her to remove their glasses. On instinct, Kass closes her eyes, but keeps her body facing them. “Relax, Kassaran, I am only blindfolding myself. The glasses are far too easy to lose in a spar.” 

Trusting them, Kass opens her eyes to see that they have indeed wrapped a black blindfold around their eyes. All the snakes then move to look directly at Kassaran. 

“You can see with their eyes,” she marvels.

“I can if I focus, it’s a bit like reading a book upside down.” Again, they step forward, the staff low in their grip but their stance anything but casual.

“Before we begin, we need rules,” Kass says and they nod.

“Agreed. I believe ‘stop’ and ‘enough’ are sufficient for this.”

“Yes. A bout is won if pinned longer than three seconds.”

“Or if a staff is put into position where it could decapitate were it a sword,” Melarue says softly. 

“No blows to the head.”

“No hair pulling.”

“Or real choking.”

“What sparring partner have you had that actually choked you?”

Kass laughs, “Some idiot who got mad that I kept beating him. Got his hands around my throat but stupidly forgot horns hurt on the receiving end of a headbutt.”

“Fool.” They smile and stop walking, stopping a small distance from Kass. Her heart thuds in her chest before she takes a deep breath, forcing herself to steady. She forces her perspective on them to change from imagining them naked and writhing beneath her to the formidable opponent that she knows they are. She bends her knees, dropping into a ready stance. 

Melarue doesn’t change their stance, but one of the snakes bobs and then they move faster than any vampire Kass has fought. But Kass has reflexes honed from those fights and moves just in time to block their strike. She pushes back, brings her staff low to counterstrike only to find them gone.

“Impressive,” they say from behind her. She whirls around to face them.

“Should’ve guessed you strike like a snake,” she comments.

“I admit, you’re the first to admit the thought.”

“The first to admit it, or the first who lived long enough to say it?” She teases and their expression turns serious.

“I could claim self defense, but it wasn’t always that.”

“Melarue, I didn’t mean -

“I know.” She nearly drops her staff to go and kiss them, to reassure them that she isn’t judging them. Goodness knows she has had to do regrettable things. She is the last to judge. 

Before she can take a step forward they’re moving and she is on the defensive again. Over and over they move to strike her, getting in a few hits. She grunts at the hits and they tsk their tongue at her. 

They land hit after hit, all fair, and nothing debilitating. 

“Concede! I’ve landed enough hits to -

“I’ve suffered worse and won!” She argues, striking at them. They dodge it.

“Stop being stubborn and rest!”

“Stubborn is my fighting style!” They make a noise of frustration at her comment and then they twist until they’re standing in front of her, staff leveled at her neck. She frowns.

“Alright, you win this bout. I’ll get the next.” 

As it turns out, she doesn’t win the next bout. She does manage to disarm them, but they get around her, get her to her knees and lay a gentle hand to her throat. 

“Again,” she asks.

“One more,” they acquiesce. She takes a deep breath and prepares herself. 

They move to strike her again and instead of dodging, she reaches up and grabs the staff. She’ll register the sting later, but right now she pulls on the staff quick and hard, disarming them. Before they react, she drops down and sweeps out the staves. They don’t trip, but leap out of the way. Kass tosses the extra staff away and moves to defend herself as Melarue switches to hand-to-hand combat. One would think that they’d be at a disadvantage without the staff, but that person would be very, and likely deadly, wrong. 

Kass is slower than them, no way to sugarcoat that. And they are deceptively strong. Yet, there is something in the way that monstrous people fight that she gets, and she knows how to fight. Monsters who’ve been outcasted from society have a quality to their fighting that feels like they’re close to giving up. Melarue doesn’t have a lot of that, but there is enough melancholy that causes them to...lean into danger, as it were. Kass has fought speed based monsters before, with varying success. Vampires are supposedly the fastest, though she suspects Melarue is faster when pressed. 

Kass blocks a few of their blows and gets herself into position. They dodge and strike with brutal efficiency. She decreases the distance between them bit by bit, until her reach exceeds theirs. Her foot darts out, destabilizes them at the ankles then her hand shoots out, grabs their wrist and she turns until their back is flush against her chest. Her hand cups their jaw carefully, not strong enough to stop them from moving. 

She lowers her lips to a pointed ear, trailing her lips down its curve before speaking, “Don’t underestimate me just because you hate how strong you are comparatively. Your strength is beautiful, and I am very glad that it has helped you survive so I could meet you, as selfish as that sounds.”

“My snakes are in striking distance,” Melarue says calmly, “You would not leave this alive.”

“Could they kill me before I kill you?” Silence is her answer and she sighs before placing a gentle kiss to their temple. She drops her hand from their jaw and pulls away to sit on the bench to regain her breath. Heavens but they worked her. 

“You never stopped,” they say, taking a seat next to her. 

Kass shakes her head, “That’s the thing. I get up as many times as I get knocked down. You’re fast, you’re strong. I’m resilient, and I have every reason to survive.”

“For your daughter,” they whisper and she nods. 

“Nothing motivates you like the need to make sure your kid’s okay.” She wipes at her forehead and when she looks back at them, they have a distant expression that makes her feel she said the wrong thing. They stand up and move to the table where they had their glasses and necklace.

“I had fun,” she says, hoping to relieve some of the tension that had suddenly arrived. They don their glasses and necklace, the snakes morphing into long, black hair, and the blindfold gets tucked into a pocket.

“I admit, I haven’t truly sparred in quite some time. And you are right, it was fun,” they reply.

“A shame for the fun to end,” she sighs, eyes lingering on their backside. 

They turn slightly, just enough for her to see a brow raised, “A shame indeed.”

She shrugs, “I’m just saying, the bath adjoining my room is large and can be lonely.” She walks by them, her hand reaching out to trail across their lower back as she moves. 

Just as her hand is about to leave them, they move with her so that they are walking with her. Her hand remains on their lower back and they don’t move to remove it, which brings her great pleasure. 

“If only I had the foresight to make the guest bath more accomodating,” they say and she can’t resist smiling at this point.

“I’ll forgive you,” she replies. 

Together, they quickly make their way up to her rooms. The main door shuts behind them and Melarue tugs her down to press their lips to hers. The kiss is hot and full of desire that has them peeling each other’s clothes off in a hurry. 

They don’t even make it to the bath right away. Instead, Melarue whispers filthy things in Kass’s ear and she falls back onto the chaise. They follow her and wrap the blindfold around her eyes before pressing kisses to her brow, cheeks, and mouth once more. She hears the tap of their glasses on the wood of the side table and then they’re back on her, hands touching her, mouth consuming her. They press against her and she feels a part of their anatomy she did not think they had press against her, making her gasp into their mouth. 

“You’re a shapeshifter,” she states the obvious, the thrill of passion seeming to inhibit all sorts of sense in her brain.

They chuckle, “Do you object?”

“Absolutely not,” she groans, and lets them have their wicked way with her. They are hot and hard and so very good at what they do. Then again, so is she. Kass gives as good as she gets in both battle and love making. She relishes their groans and the erratic thrusts ever so often when the pleasure is so great. In the end, she reaches her pleasure before them and then it’s a sizzling burn as they continue to move within her. It’s almost too much, but she doesn’t want to give it up, give them up. How have they become so integral in her life so quickly? She holds onto them as they groan and their hips still as they reach their pleasure. 

It’s so much, almost too much, and she has to bite her lip to stop herself from letting the tears spill out from her eyes. Heavens, the last time she cried during sex was...fourteen years ago, when Ash’s father found her again after she ran. Though, what that wasn’t exactly sex. 

“Did I hurt you?” The question is soft and full of genuine concern that has her smiling.

“Oh no, no, I’m...that was fantastic, I’m just…” she gestures, not finding the words. “You make me feel like I’m twenty-five, so new but feeling like I’m on top of the world.” Before they can worry more, she kisses them, full of the softness she feels for them. Slowly and sweetly she moves her lips over theirs, twines her tongue with theirs. When they break away to breathe she smiles.

“Come, let’s wash and enjoy that cavernous bath you so thoughtlessly installed,” she kisses their cheek at their smile and sits up. “You’ll need to help me get in there, though, I haven’t gotten so used to this place I can walk it blindfolded.” 

“Here,” they say and she feels their fingers gently remove the blindfold. She blinks her eyes back into focus to see their glasses are back in place. 

“I want you to be comfortable,” she argues gently.

“I am, and you should be comfortable too.”

“Turning my own logic on me, are you?” They both rise and make their way to the bath.

“I don’t play fair.”

“Clearly!” She turns on the water and it cascades from the ceiling in a great rush. “Did you invent this? What is this, I’ve never seen it before and it’s amazing.”

“I’m glad you like it. I cannot claim this invention, a vampire engineer created it about a year ago. Xe’s on a current mission to have what xe call plumbing installed in the entire city. I volunteered my home as an experiment, and I agree, it’s amazing.” 

“That is a noble cause, indeed!” When the bath fills to a satisfying point, Kass shuts off the water and climbs in with Melarue following. Kass sighs as she sinks in the hot water, her very worked muscles slowly relaxing with the warmth. 

Melarue sighs as well, sinking lower in the tub until only their neck and head is above the water. It’s only then she notices how pale they had been, now with the color returning to their cheeks.

“You stayed in the cold too long.”

They wave her off, “No, I enjoyed it. I knew I would be able to warm myself afterwards and it was worth it.”

“I’m glad you feel that way, but I don’t like that you placed yourself in an uncomfortable spot.”

“Kass, I will choose what I wish to do and why, I am not looking to be taken care of. I am your lover, not a ward.” 

“And as my lover, I want you to feel good -

“I do, trust me.”

She wants to fight that, but she stops herself. She should trust them, and they are choosing these things after all. Kass did not make them come out and spar with her, she did not ask them to don their glasses. They voluntarily did these things. Perhaps she doesn’t always have to be the one making concessions to keep others happy. 

“Okay, I will.” She needs to, they are her lover and she needs to treat them as such. It’s just been so long that she’s had a paramour that she forgets how to act with one. There is one thing she remembers, though.

“May I wash your back?” She asks. The corners of their mouth tilt up and they shift in the tub to let her run the cloth along their back. She takes her time, slowly moving it over their skin to wash away the sweat and grime built up over the last few hours. They lean into her when she finishes with their back, allowing her to move the cloth to their arms and front. 

One of the snakes, a rebellious one as the others are draped carefully away from Kassaran, moves towards Kass and looks directly at her. It flicks its tongue at her and she smiles at it. 

“Can I touch it? Them? Do they have names?”

“The snakes are a part of me, I haven’t named them. You can touch it if you like.” 

Carefully, Kass reaches out to the snake with her finger. Its tongue flicks out, scenting the air in its own little way. It bobs its head and moves closer, she moves her finger closer too. Ever so gently, she pets the snake’s head. It’s smooth and Melarue shifts.

“That feels...strange.”

“Bad?”

“No, but I feel it distantly.”

“Has no one ever touched your snakes before?” She trails her finger down the snake’s back a little and it moves closer to her, seemingly wanting to be touched. 

“No.” As they speak, another snake moves from its position on Melarue’s shoulder to join its curious friend. Kass lets it scent her then pets it. She’s never petted a snake before, so she doesn’t know for certain if they’re enjoying this, but they’re not moving away or hissing so that’s likely a good sign, right? 

Melarue suddenly turns and before she can say anything, they kiss her gently. 

“You are too good to me.”

“I am not, you deserve all of this goodness.” She kisses them back and feels them smile against her.

The rest of the bath is wondrously relaxing. She’s loathe to end it, but eventually the water goes tepid and there is only so much time someone should spend in their filth. They both rise from the tub, dry, then dress in short order. The ease she feels with them is so unlike anything she’s experienced before, and she isn’t sure how to handle it. 

They leave her rooms and head down the hall, passing the library on the way. Kass can hear Lokraan inside with Ash, lecturing her on magical principles. There’s a flash of light from around the door and she worries for a moment that Ash has set fire to the library. No smoke or screams arise, though, so...everything ought to be fine. 

“Melarue? Do you trust Lokraan?” She likely could have phrased the question better, but it is so easy to not censor herself around them.

They startle in their own way, a sudden rigidity taking to their shoulders, “Of course, I would not have put him with your daughter otherwise. Why? Have you concerns?”

She chews her lip, “Something...doesn’t sit well with me about him, but...perhaps it’s just my old hunter instincts. I’m still adjusting.”

Melarue frowns, “I have known him for some time, he is an expert in magical theory and well-educated. His...situation is unique and I am not at liberty to say what it is, but I trust him.”

“Right, of course.” She tries to wave off the concern but she clearly doesn’t do a good job of selling the lie, to herself or to Melarue.

“I also trust you. Has he done anything to Ash?”

Kass shakes her head, “No, he’s only said that her power can make a difference in the world. In all respects it should be a wonderful thing to hear, but something about it...it didn’t settle right with me.”

They ponder for a moment, “I am not one to write off intuition, my own has saved me countless times. I have no doubt your intuition has saved your life similarly. If it will reassure you, I will keep an eye on him.”

Kass relaxes, tension she didn’t even realize she was carrying, easing away, “I would appreciate that, thank you.”

Their smile is small and polite, and she doesn’t need their glasses removed to know it doesn’t reach their eyes.

[holaafrica]

New Post has been published on http://holaafrica.org/queer-lockdown-essential-workers/

Queer Lockdown – Essential Workers

By Tshegofatso Senne (@mbongomuffin), Illustrated by studiostudioworkwork

LGBTQIA+ people have been particularly affected by the COVID-19 pandemic. In a country that very rarely prioritises the needs of our community, circumstances have worsened during the pandemic, especially as the poor and working class face greater risks. LGBTQIA+ people are at the intersection of multiple vulnerable communities, with those who are immunocompromised, living with HIV/AIDS, unemployed, those who are homeless, refugees and others who are forced to live with homophobic family members. Even within non-governmental organisations, funding very rarely prioritises our community.

Regardless of this, queer people are still working tirelessly as essential workers across a range of sectors. They are working in our food stores, within public transport and media, they’re within cleaning, sanitation and security services, at our pharmacies and banks, they’re helping bury our loved ones and take care of far more within the healthcare sector. Queer people have always done care work and yet, they are often the first to be forgotten or pushed aside.

I was able to speak to three queer medical practitioners to hear about their experiences working during this time; just how it is that our community is uniquely affected within a pandemic and how they’re coping with that.

Buhle Radebe*, a nurse at a public hospital in Johannesburg is a queer woman who lives with her mother and brother, notes how fortunate she feels to be in close quarters with a family that is completely accepting of her sexual identity.

“Some people are lucky to have homes that are allow for their full expression. Unfortunately, with schools closed many have had to leave residences and are now stuck in abusive spaces,” she says. Whether we are out or not, being in a lockdown period with a family that is unaccepting or oblivious to the person you are is immensely terrifying for many.

“They can’t be themselves entirely, having to change the way they speak or dress. They’re dying for this time to end so they can remove themselves from that space and environment. They can longer seek safety at school, work or with friends, there’s no easy way to preserve themselves.”

Dr. Anastacia Tomson, a medical doctor, author and activist is a trans woman in Cape Town. She notes that housing is a huge problem that she’s seen patients and queer individuals alike facing. This is definitely not a new conversation, the effects of COVID-19 add a different element to the frustrating experiences of queer people currently; the pandemic has worsened homelessness. Having a safe place to call home and having access to loved ones that understand their identities is not always the case.

“I think as with any socio-economic phenomenon it’s always the marginalised populations who are hit the hardest and not always in ways we even understand,” shared Anastacia. “The reason it’s so difficult right now is because we didn’t really recognise or pay enough attention to how lacking these structures were before the pandemic. So now we find ourselves in a space where we need them and don’t know where to start.”

While NGOs attempt to bridge the gaps between the needs of the community and the actual service government provides, this is a systemic issue. Worse still, even the services that the government does provide often result in incredibly traumatic experiences for queer individuals who are able to access them.

“This is the dilemma as a queer person, the majority of healthcare providers we go to are not necessarily going to be part of the community, they aren’t going to have the context, they aren’t going to have the understanding,” shared Anastacia.

Accessing general healthcare comes with immense trauma and red-tape that’s used to discriminate against the community. Trans-identifying individuals cannot access specialists they need as easily now, those without updated ID documents with affirming gender markers find this even more difficult. Many are dead-named, misgendered and treated condescendingly which becomes a greater problem when such a large part of the population cannot access healthcare because they’re aware of the trauma involved in doing so.

Many queer medical practitioners are having to work as much as possible in order to allow for access to medical services, across sectors. Aware of the unique challenges the community faces, these practitioners are working extra hard to ensure that queer people have access to and feel safe to seek necessary medical care.

Dr. Melusi Dhlamini, Clinical Executive at Marie Stopes South Africa and a medical doctor, is a queer man who is determined to ensure that all who need to access sexual and reproductive health and rights (SRHR) during the pandemic are able to. Reported (and legal) abortions for 2019 sat at 105000; one can only imagine how this number has plummeted during the pandemic, with so many having less access to services during lockdown.

“When lockdown started there was a feeling of SRHR not being essential. Every resource is being redirected for COVID. This is part of flattening the curve and I get that, but then what is deemed as essential? What is the cost once you delay an abortion? We have a limited amount of time, 20 weeks to work with. People don’t get the importance of this conversation,” he shared with me.

This time has forced doctors to be more innovative, which is exactly what Melusi did. He became the first South African doctor to complete an at-home abortion. While there was some pushback from providers who worried about safety, Melusi trained providers and did the first few himself. At the time of this interview, 28 May 2020, they had completed 257 at-home abortions and continue to receive over 20 calls a day from people who look to access this service.

“If you’re less than 9 weeks pregnant you call in and are screened to exclude anything that could put you at risk of having an ectopic pregnancy and whether you have medical conditions that would preclude you from getting an at-home abortion. Once that’s done we send you the medication or you can come collect. You are counselled on how the process will work, someone from Marie Stopes, available 24/7, is directed to you should you need guidance or questions.”

This service has allowed so many to access this service privately. It’s also reached areas that don’t have centres in them; places in the Northern Cape, Limpopo and Mpumalanga, especially.

The LGBTQIA+ community is disproportionately impacted by the various ways this pandemic has put additional strain on how the community is able to access healthcare in an already difficult system. Oftentimes we already have significantly lower health outcomes because of the discrimination we face and without medical aid this is exacerbated. Individuals within the community are encounter hyper-medicalisation as trans or intersex people, or have procedures done on them without their consent. Queer refugees cannot access medical care and face increasing risks when relocating to find safety. Additionally, many procedures that the queer community may need are deemed as non-urgent and postponed or cancelled during the pandemic.

Anastacia, whose work includes providing gender-affirming healthcare to trans patients, speaks on this overall impact. Patients are unwilling to come out to the medical rooms or clinic, and if they do travel it’s challenging due to lockdown restrictions. A lot of patients are struggling with their finances, a lot more don’t have secure housing and this makes life excruciatingly difficult.

“There’s a lot of uncertainty right now and that makes gender-affirming care more difficult to do. Many public sector clinics have had to restrict their operations because of the pandemic. We definitely know that gender-affirming healthcare is essential and scientifically it’s proven to improve life expectancy, quality of life, adverse outcomes, affects depression, anxiety, substance use, etc. You can’t make the argument that this work is not essential. There are many people who would like to use this pandemic as a reason to shut down access to queer healthcare services but I think it’s our responsibility as clinicians and activists not to let them do that.”

This has definitely been the experience of Melusi, who says that many hospitals and clinics have taken this time as a justification to stop prioritising abortions, even though the need has not subsided. He talks through the various situations he’s had to deal with since the beginning of lockdown.

“I was so upset when I called to a hospital in the Eastern Cape and found out they had only done 2 abortions in 2 months. They have 40 people on the waiting list, many who are already past 10 weeks. The head of the department had no plan. Pre-COVID this clinic would have patients lining up at 5am just to make sure they could access this service,” Melusi shared. “At Bara they only see 4 or 5 clients a day and the demand is huge. They have a working list and prioritised clients are around 20 weeks. So if you’re 12/13 weeks you’re going to wait until they have no choice but to squeeze you in. This is the reality of South African healthcare.”

This, indeed, is the reality of South African healthcare.

As a nurse, Buhle feels this reality in a completely different way than the doctors above. Nurses, as vital as they are to healthcare are often treated as unimportant. Within the public hospital where she works, nurses have seldomly been given information about procedures or what’s happening in the hospital. Her ward, paediatric medical, was changed into a COVID-19 ward with little to no information and they were simply told they would now be testing patients; this occurred with them barely having access to sufficient Personal Protective Equipment (PPE).

“They were dishonest about the first suspect COVID patient we had. At the time we didn’t have PPE at all, there weren’t even masks because people were stealing things. Alcohol sanitiser was being stolen, on Monday we had 20 boxes but by Friday there were only 6,” Buhle recollected. “I told them they can’t put us at risk like that. Granted, it’s our jobs to take care of patients but at the end of the day our health must come first as well. At the end of the day we go back to our families, most of my colleagues are married with kids. I live with my mother and my brother is back from school. My mother has a heart condition so I said no, I’m not going to put my mother at risk like that.”

This isn’t just in this hospital, as confirmed by Melusi. Healthcare workers all across the country are having to deal with levels of dishonesty that pose a huge risk for them.

“One of my friends working in Pretoria was simply told, ‘You’re not seeing psychiatric clients anymore, you’re doing COVID work. Thanks, bye.’ There was a lot of uproar. They received no training. People who work in psych wards don’t usually touch patients and now they’re being made to test people without training.”

There’s a high level of frustration that then affects the quality of work done as well as the morale within their jobs. These are some of the factors that can easily lead to incorrect results; how good can a specimen be when sent to the lab if there’s knowledge lacking in how to collect it.

“A friend who usually works with rape victims was told that they would be seeing less of these clients and they’d be working in roadblocks to help with testing from now on. They were also not trained, simply thrown in the deep end. You are just told, there’s no discussion, even with people with conditions and diseases that put them at risk for contracting COVID. No screening was done to ensure that they wouldn’t be putting their lives at risk.”

The strain on healthcare workers is not new, but has grown exponentially in the time of COVID-19. There’s fear, anxiety and uncertainty.

“We don’t know when things are going to get really bad, we’re not even there yet, Anastacia shared. “It’s now a lot more difficult to maintain boundaries and leave work at the office. It just hasn’t been possible. Over the past two months more than ever in recent memory my work has been slipping outside of office hours and I have to attend to patients and check on them after hours. It becomes a challenge. At the same time it’s the realisation that a lot of the coping measures that we use in our day-to-day lives have also been denied to us in this lockdown process.”

Anastacia touches on an incredibly important note here, the use of substances, tends to be higher amongst queer populations. The adversity so many of us face in our personal lives, with family or loved ones, co-workers and complete strangers, pushes many to find various coping mechanism. “Whether they’re deemed healthy or not, they become necessary for survival. Now being denied access to that can be a significant challenge.”

The impact of this pandemic on LGBTQIA+ is continuously expanding beyond what we know. Housing, food and financial security are priorities, with mental healthcare opening up more questions about accessibility. We have always created our own communities and support structures and now many are completely cut off from those, unable to interact with friends and acquaintances outside of home to feel understood and supported. The effects on mental health are numerous and we’re only going to be aware of the overall impact as time goes by. Those without access to smart phones and affordable internet are not even able to access virtual mental health services right now.

Buhle notes that more holistic support structures are necessary. Nurses working with COVID patients are not receiving proper PPE or a danger allowance (an additional sum of money given to workers in high-risk environments) and she they can’t afford medical aid to be able to go for therapy. She notes that the issue needs to be addressed systemically, “They may give you that allowance but if you do catch COVID and, god forbid, you die that allowance stops. It’s given to you for the time you’re working within the ward. So yes, give us money but we need support as well. If I die what does my family do after?”

“This is a crisis,” Melusi shares. “Workers are kept in the dark when there are cases of COVID, people are sent to do testing without training, wards and whole hospitals are closing, workers are not showing up to work because of these issues and work morale is incredibly low.”

So what exactly can be done within our own communities?

“Now is the time to build community-based resources where we figure out how to support this community and upskill our people so that we can provide ourselves with these services,” Anastacia said. “In order for someone to be able to get mental health assistance, we need the financial access, we need someone to be available to assist. That person needs some degree of training and fair compensation.”

Mutual aid is not a new solution for our communities. We’ve been denied the opportunities, education, training and development so long that we felt it was best to invest in ourselves.

Anastacia places great importance on this, “I think maybe this should really serve as the pivot for us to recognise that now is our wake up call, that we have to start building and growing and developing those resources that have within our own community so not to fall by the wayside. We also have to look after ourselves.”

These healthcare workers do phenomenal and often underappreciated work for the community and their role in ensuring accessible healthcare is undeniable. Our community is uniquely affected by this pandemic, battling access combined with prejudice; it is natural to wonder how we can create systems of mutual aid and development of shared resources for the community. I leave you with this: what do queer futures look like and what can we do where we are, with what we have to inch closer to futures where we are prioritised?

*Pseudonym used to preserve the interviewee’s anonymity

This article was commissioned by GALA as part of the Queer Lockdown project, with the support of SAIH (Norwegian Students’ and Academics’ International Assistance Fund).

[averyscarlet-blog]

Final Fantasy Versus XV Progress Report #2

I truly hope all of you are doing okay! Please, stay safe, listen to the government, and if you feel you have at least two or three of the known symptoms for  COVID-19, go to the closest hospital. Anyway! Here’s my progress report: 

So far, since my first progress report, I’ve been able to release several chapters. Right now, the story has about eight chapters, and sometime today, chapter nine will be released. There is A LOT of content I can put in, but because I don’t want to linger too long in the pre-game portion of the story, there’s a lot I have to cut out. 

Stella has properly received some training from the Kingsglaive, and there, I was able to get her to bond with certain characters that you may know from the movie. I wasn’t able to think of what to do with Glauca’s character since there was.... literally not much to go on from the movie. Seriously, when the plot twist was presented to me, I kind of didn’t understand his reasons. Mind you, I found him as an absolute badass in the old trailers, and I was so happy at the beginning to see the man before the game came out. 

Then he died.

So there wasn’t much I could think of to bring Stella to interact with reborn Glauca- I mean, Drautos in the story. All I can do is present my interpretation of his original self via dreams because as much as I want to fucking add him into the game portion of the story, I can’t since he died in the movie. Right now, I’m trying to tackle the more important characters of the game since their development was just as butchered, if not worse. 

At the moment, Luna and Stella are currently communicating with one another via letters delivered by Pryna. No one knows about their exchanges, yet, so it’ll be interesting when Noct finds out that his best friend has been communicating with fiancee. Now at that point, I have come up with a scenario in when he learns of this, and it happens during their first encounter with Ravus. Emotions are already all over the place so you can imagine how negatively he’ll react when he learns about this, especially since the frequency of replies from Luna has somewhat decreased before the announcement of their engagement.

Stella has somewhat remained the same, the only difference between her at the start and now is that she is a little more reserved in her actions. She can’t be as assertive as she once was, but she still remains polite, honest, direct and remains true to her beliefs. However, later on, I plan to show just how deeply Stella was effected by the previous war and having been killed by her brother. She doesn’t show this now because there is nothing present to trigger her darker memories and deep-rooted anger towards her brother and Niflheim. 

And that’s all I have to report for now! 

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12916347/10/Final-Fantasy-versus-XV

[kolinburges]

Covid-19 and the Dangers of the UK's Response.

This is a long post but it’s very important if you are in the UK because it lays out the horrific situation the country is about to be in if the government does not do a U-turn. It’s about Covid-19 and the government’s plan for it. The UK has one of the worst and most reckless response plans to deal with Covid-19 of anywhere. Up until Monday (16th March) the plan was basically “Tell people to wash their hands and carry on as normal.” On Monday they gave out significant warnings and added extra measures, however the measures are still extremely soft and laid-back compared to most other countries struggling with the virus. Given what we’ve learned from other countries, there is little real possibility that the infections will stop expanding exponentially even with these new measures. So why are the UK government being so lax when the rest of the world is getting serious?

The answer is they still don’t seem to have changed from their original “action plan”. That plan was to immediately surrender to Covid-19. Instead of trying to fight the virus, the aim was for it to infect the population so that they eventually gain herd immunity. But the government was not just investigating or preparing for a scenario where it could infect the population, the plan was to actively steer us into this situation using a series of carefully-timed control measures. Their claim was that for those who survive, the herd immunity they gain would help us to get rid of the virus before the flu season next winter.

This is both insane and wrong. Boris Johnson fancies himself as the next Bond villain. An idiot with too much power who has convinced himself that the greater good would somehow be served by a method which involves the deaths of masses of people. But also as with Bond villains, there’s an uneasy sense that he’s not really as naive as this, he most likely knows what he’s doing is very wrong. He seems hell-bent on this policy beyond any reason which can be offered by his publicly-professed motives.

Why is this plan wrong? Well the biggest reason (other than the unnecessary deaths of potentially over a million people) is that there is already overwhelming and unignorable evidence to show that this virus can be successfully defeated or at least suppressed by any country with the political will to do so. So the fate of the world is now not actually in the hands of the virus but in the hands of the politicians.

China has all but wiped it out, by using a combination of quarantine/curfews and contact tracing. It was raging out of control in South Korea in the beginning, but now using mass-scale testing, contact tracing and individual quarantines they seem to have it under control and the numbers are slowly coming down (currently around 85 new cases per day). That’s without having to do any large regional lockdowns. Italy started quarantines/curfews a couple of weeks ago and in the areas where they did this they say there are 0 new infections. The reason the entire country of Italy has gone into lockdown is not because their original efforts failed, it’s because they worked so well (in those specific areas) that they’re rolling it out across the whole country.

There are two main methods which have been shown to work in reducing the infection numbers: (1) the blunt instrument of region-wide quarantine and curfew, and (2) the precision attack of mass testing, contact tracing, and individual quarantines. What I can imagine working best is using method 1 if things have spun totally out of control, and a more sustainable method 2 for the longer term.

It has become clear that one of the most essential tools for dealing with it is large-scale testing. To quote the World Health Organisation, “You cannot fight a fire blindfolded … test, test, test”. The more information a country has on where it is, how many people have it, and who to isolate, the better they can fight the virus. And with enough information they can fight it with minimal economy-damaging lockdowns, like South Korea has. The UK government’s policy is to do only a very small number of tests. It’s mostly only people who are so ill that they have to go into intensive care who get tested. So there’s very little information on who or how many people have Covid-19 in the UK and we possibly will never know. The government has the ability to do as many tests as it wants. Creating test kits is a fairly simple process and can easily be scaled up. They choose not to. This shows that there is currently no credible attempt at containment of this virus.

Let’s look at what is going to happen under the government’s plan. Their plan is to use a system of multiple control measures timed at specific points to effectively shepherd the scale of infections along a pre-planned path so that they reach a crescendo in June or July. They call it “flattening the curve”. So that means going not too fast and not too slow. They want herd immunity to be in place by the coming winter, which means up to 80% of the population having had the illness and survived.

Theoretically if the UK had 20,000 people infected now and every 7 days each person infected 4 others, then by early May 45 million people would be infected. In real life the infection rate slows as the number increases so any peak would take longer than this. The government’s plan is to “flatten the curve”, by which they mean reducing the number of infected people at the peak time by up to 50%. They plan for their control measures to lead to a peak in July.

Two days ago there was also a leak of a secret government report written for the NHS heads by Public Health England. It claims that with the government’s plan at least 10% of the UK will be infected at the same time at peak time. This figure correlates well with what would be expected if it was to peak in July and give the population herd immunity. So lets assume about 6 million people would be expected to be simultaneously infected at peak..

15% will need to be hospitalised, so that is 900,000 people. 5% will need intensive care treatment. That’s 300,000 people.

There are 127,000 hospital beds in total in the UK, including those for mental issues. Of those, between 6,000 and 12,000 beds are usually available. Even in a scenario with 12,000 free beds, 98.67% of people who need ordinary hospital bed treatment would get turned away.

There are 4,000 intensive care beds in the UK and around 640 of them around the country are generally free. So that’s 640 beds to somehow simultaneously fit 300,000 people who are critically ill with pneumonia or similar. That means at its peak if you were dying you would have about 0.21% chance (1 in 468) of being able to get intensive care treatment! So virtually everyone who is struggling to breathe will be turned away. Pneumonia is where the lungs slowly fill with sticky mucus and there’s not enough room left to inhale air. It’s an extremely horrible and drawn out way to die. You can imagine not just all that suffering but the chaos and panic it would cause in the UK.

We know that two days ago the government started ordering more ventilators to be made so that more people can be treated. The prime minister was asked on camera if he felt bad about waiting until now to order them when we knew these would be needed for weeks. He dodged the question. I heard him saying on the news that this plan of “flattening the curve” would allow the NHS to cope with the virus.

It should also be mentioned that the projected average death rate of 1–2% from this virus is calculated from situations where everybody has a nice cosy hospital bed waiting for them. When there is no hospital treatment the death rate goes up by multiple times, as we saw in Wuhan. Let’s get the death rate into perspective. If 1% of 70% of the population were to die from this virus over this summer, that would be around the same as the number of British deaths over the entire length of World War II. However the death rate would be likely to be multiple times higher given the lack of hospital capacity. So, following this government’s plan for Covid-19 is likely to be very significantly worse on the country than World War II. That’s in humanitarian terms — economically it wouldn’t be too serious because the plan is to disrupt things as little as possible.

One thing the government keeps saying is “We don’t have enough people infected yet to…X.”, where X is a measure such as closing bars, stopping events, closing schools, national curfew, etc. (None of which have been implemented in the UK yet.) This makes no sense at all. The government knows for sure that the infections are increasing exponentially. If you have 20,000 people infected and you know in 2 weeks it will be around 200,000 why would there be a reason to infect another 180,000 people before taking that measure? You’re just putting yourself in a far worse position for no upside. The more people who are allowed to be infected before implementing measures, the more economic and human damage will be caused. Let’s create an example — let’s say there were 1,000 new infections per day, with an infection rate of x4 every 7 days and implementing the measures will change it to x0.5 every 7 days. If you implement the measures now, it will take just over 3 weeks to get the infections down from 1,000 to 100 per day. If you wait another 2 weeks until there are 16,000 infections per day it will take over 7 weeks to get it down to 100 per day (and kill thousands more people!). So if the measure being taken was for example a full country lockdown, you’re going to have a much longer lockdown period and more than double the economic damage by waiting 2 more weeks. There is no upside at all. Unless you count the reason that it helps the government to adhere to their herd-immunity plan.

This has to be one of the biggest scandals of recent generations. Why hasn’t Boris Johnson been crucified by the media and by parliament? This is exactly the reason why we have such things. And why are there not riots in the streets over this? I don’t know the answer to these things, but the media is beginning to talk about it at least, especially with Monday’s leaked report about the lack of hospital facilities. However it’s public knowledge what the hospital capacity is and what the government’s plan is, so it shouldn’t take leaks like this to get this issue into the news.

No one person should ever have the power to make the decision to infect an entire country with a dangerous disease, it doesn’t matter who they are. And especially not someone with the ethical track record of Boris Johnson. This is what happens when a leader fires everyone who isn’t a yes-man and concentrates all the power on himself.

I believe that the countries which are pioneering the virus fight and taking it seriously will be successful, at least in massively reducing the infections and then holding them to a low level. This will provide templates for other countries to replicate and tweak and so the world will slowly defeat Covid-19. All that needs to happen is for it to be pinned down to a low level until the vaccines are ready. In the face of this, Boris Johnson simply cannot keep to his current plan. The voices against it will get louder and louder as the evidence mounts higher. I honestly don’t know why he doesn’t just decide now to fight it properly. But the longer we allow this to keep happening the more people in Britain will die and the more our economy will suffer. The 71 deaths recorded as of today (18th March) is probably about 65 more than was actually necessary. It’s morbidly ironic to think that statistically probably quite a few of them voted for the prime minister.

This isn’t just a political problem in the UK — many other major governments are still not taking Covid-19 seriously and they are allowing their countries to be unnecessarily ravaged before they will inevitably start taking serious action. (Hello, Mr Trump.)

If you feel strongly about this post, please share it any way you want to!