#and wasn't just “overreacting” because of the autism

[justletmeon12]

My neighbor down the hall is making high-pitched excited screaming noises.

If I'm ever on trial for murder, I'm reading "The Telltale Heart" into the court record.

[itsaspectrumcomic]

If you’re comfortable, what made you decide to seek diagnosis and how did you go about it? It has been suggested to me (friends, therapist), and I have suspected that I might be autistic but I’m kind of scared to find out for sure because of stigma.

I wondered silently for a really long time before I did anything about it - like, for years. I worried about the stigma too, or that I was wrong and I wasn't autistic and I was just weird, or maybe everyone found things this hard and I was just being dramatic and overreacting. I also self-identified as autistic for a while before I decided a diagnosis would be helpful for me, mainly for getting accommodations.

What started it off was my mum sending me an article about Melanie Sykes revealing her own diagnosis and noting the similarities, and I thought if she could see it too then maybe it wasn't just in my head. And then I spent a really long time researching.

I joined some communities of autistic people (eg discord and reddit) and followed neurodivergent people on social media to see if I could relate to their experiences (which was way more helpful than reading a traits list off WebMD).

I also did some self-assessments online like the Autism Spectrum Quotient (there's the AQ10 and AQ50) and the RAADS-R. I've linked to where you can take those on Embrace Autism since I found that website particularly helpful :)

AND THEN I took all my results and notes to my GP to try to get a referral which was another whole thing since the NHS waiting lists are literally years long.

Even though it took a long time and was pretty difficult, I'm really glad I went for a diagnosis! It made me feel much more comfortable in myself, and I've found others take me more seriously when I say I'm struggling with something. Most people I've told have responded pretty well, but I am careful about who I tell in real life because there are so many stereotypes so it wouldn't necessarily be helpful for them to know. You don't have to tell anyone if you don't want to.

If you're wondering about yourself, I recommend taking those quizzes I linked as well as seeing if you relate to other autistic peoples' experiences. Also, know you don't have to actually go for a diagnosis if you don't want one. Self-identifying and figuring out what your needs are and accommodating them where you can is also good :)

Anyway, this has been an essay but basically I'm happy I was able to get my diagnosis :) It's not something everyone can access for a variety of reasons so I'm very grateful.

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

Am I the asshole for getting mad at my friend(?) for claiming I have autistic, then called me an ablest.

I was really close to this person, let's call them k. One day we were talking about who in our friend group is the most socially aware. I said it would either be me or my friend e. k said it wouldn't me bc we an almost all autistic friendgroup with e being the exception so it would be e. I told K I wasn't autistic and asked why they assumed I was. They said that it was a rumor that they heard during gym. K then went on to say it was R who told them the rumor in their gym class. R is friends with my exfriend g who (aprox a week before) made a rumor that I had a mental disorder which is heavily stigmatized to drag my name and turn my friends against me which sucked (it also almost worked which was kinda scary).

I confronted R because I wanted to figure out who started the rumor about me being autistic (as although I suspected it would be g I didn't actually want to assume). R and K do have problems which resulted in R no longer being friends w K and sitting with g but I aswell as the rest of the friend group are still friends with R and wouldn't assume K would lie about them.

R told me that they never said I was autistic and wouldn't especially around K. I went back to K saying R said they didn't say I was autistic. K sent me a huge message basically accusing me of being ablest because I was treating having autism as a bad thing, but they didn't say the word ablest so I asked them to clarify and they just sent the same text block. I then asked if they were saying I was ablest and they were all like "no its j weird that you are treating having autism as a bad thing" (word 4 word)

I told them that I wasn't upset that they said I have autism but that I was geeing mad at them because they:

1. didn't ask me directly and j made an assumption that a rumor is true

2. would j lie to me about R

3. assumed that I had a biggoted ideology that quickly

4. that I was reacting the way I did because I wanted to make sure it wasn't a variation of g's rumor

the conversation drifted and we never really addressed the things I was uncomfortable with and I was just stuck in the weird limbo feeling about the person where I don't want to be friends w them anymore but don't know if im being dramatic.

I started to question myself and my own actions and reactions so I took it to my other group space with online friends (j d h). J told me that I was being too harsh because K is less emotionally mature and less traumatized and that I should apologize. The other 2 (D) said K was in the wrong for lying about R and the other (H) said that I was wrong for being critical but that K should have trusted me more.

I don't know if I was actually being an asshole because just too much at once for me and I can't tell if I was overreacting because of g's latest rumor about me. For now I am not speaking with K with the exception of a few basic conversations to not be too obvious about it. My IP friends don't know about the situation at all aside from there being a rumor about me being autistic.

What are these acronyms?

[deadlittledogs]

Okay sorry giant rant about my coworker and the horrible day of work I had yesterday due to her lol.

My coworker, who I originally loved working with, is fucking destroying me now. I don’t know what happened…. I really got along with her initially because she’s autistic and I appreciated that our convos were very straight forward. If she says something- she means it, and I enjoyed being able to talk to someone without ‘jumping through hoops’ so to speak. A lot of our younger coworkers really despise her for that very reason and take her blunt directness as being bossy and over controlling though, which to me just showed a lack of understanding towards tone implication and body language. Nothing about her ever came off as condescending or demanding, even when she was prattling off a whole list of chores for me.

BUT SINCE FOSTERING THESE CATS…. AUGHHH…. SHE’S BEEN ON MY DICK DUDE. It’s her special interest so I’ve been attempting to humor her the best I can but I like my space and I already have a bit of an evasive personality when it comes to these things. I don’t see us as being close enough that she needs to come over every week and….. hangout…….

I feel especially soured about this demanding "I Have To Come Over I Have To Come Over Right Now" vibe because the last time she came over she made a comment about my friend who had stayed over the week prior, saying we both….. hurt her feelings…. for some reason..... which. KIND OF PISSED ME OFF? It was such a nothing interaction we all had, such surface level pleasantries, but yet somehow my buddy was ‘confrontational’ and I had referred to her as ‘coworker’ instead of ‘friend’ which made her upset. OKAY….. I GUESS……….?

It really made me grit my teeth because, I don’t know, man, who the fuck are you? Just be pissed off I wasn't texting you back like a normal person and use that to stir the pot, don’t mix in all this other weird shit involving my friend who you spoke 5 fucking words to like it's supposed to mean something.

And then yesterday.... UGHHHH.... She comes into work while I was having a pleasant enough time making mild eye contact with the tiny skater boy at my job and instantly she fucking has this GIANT meltdown because the candies in storage aren’t alphabetized anymore. The managers try to convince her it’s fine, the person who organized them that way is trying to tell her it’s fine, I’M trying to tell her it’s fine, but she starts throwing the candy everywhere and fucking yelling at people anyways. She's losing her shit. She's three seconds from going postal. She's about to kill 'em all and let God sort 'em out. It gets to the point where the younger manager finally snaps and tells her she’s not the one whos running the place and things are allowed to change and she starts bawling her eyes out and completely runs off.

I'm flabbergasted.

She vanishes for about 30 minute before texting me to see if she can go home alongside me after my shift ends in a couple hours. She's one of the only closers for the night so without her everyone else would be totally porked in the ass. I WAS LIKE….. NO????? YOU HAVE TO….. WORK???????? THIS WOMAN IS ALMOST 50. I JUST IGNORED IT AND TOLD THE MANAGER SHE WAS GONNA TRY AND RUN OFF LOL.

The tension in the air after that was palpable. I'm standing there in the corner with all my muscles wounded and tight because I can taste the pungent malcontent in the space around us like mold on the walls. All of this over fucking candy. I tried my best to mind my own business but she ends up getting pissed off at me an hour down the line because I didn’t run after her and try to comfort her while she was crying. She asked me how I perceived the whole situation and I tried to explain to her, in my best guidance counselor sort of tone, that, well, you might've had a little bit of an overreaction there, buddy. Obviously this stems from your autism but there needs to be a healthier way to manage that where it doesn't involve getting everyone upset.

She basically tells me I have low empathy.

OOF..... I guess it hurt a little because it feels a bit true at times, even if I know it's not. I have a great deal of empathy but I'll admit, it gets buried down below, and there's a hurt in me bad enough that it's sort of blocked everything out. On one hand it's nice, because I'm not sitting around crying all day anymore but it can suck when I'm having a good time with a friend or having a fun experience and all I can focus on is the mawing black hole inside of me eating all of it up. I used to get a great deal of comfort from being able to be that shoulder to cry on, to give someone advice I really thought would help them, being useful to others in one of the only ways I felt I could; but now I feel like a walking wasteland. I keep losing my shit with my dad because the amount of emotional regulation and faux therapy he needs from me is enough to have me sitting in my room all day prodding my tongue against the steel barrel of a six shooter just so I'll be left alone.

I think the problem with this coworker is she wants to be friends, like friends-friends, but she doesn't even fucking know me. I don't want this little gnat of responsibility buzzing around me all the time, one more person I have to worry about fucking it up with, one more lie I have to spit out because I'm putting on a face for her. It's exhausting. Can't we just shoot the shit and do stock orders together? Why does it have to be this whole fucking thing every single time now? You were supposed to be drama-free but now you're either banging on my door during my precious goon hours or you're crying that I won't take care of you and I'm a bad friend. LIKE DUDE JUST CUT YOURSELF IN THE BATHROOM LIKE A NORMAL PERSON IDK.

It did sort of make me feel like an asshole. Sure, I thought the whole situation was retarded but she was a person in a need and I deliberately avoided her. I knew in that moment when she ran off that she was probably expecting me to follow, but instead I chose to stay due to my own feelings on the manner (-mainly, "this is a dumb"). I dunno, I guess it's something to reflect on further.... but I'll also say my history of needing to emotionally regulate people all the time, mainly with my father and my ex-bestie, isn't healthy and I should be allowed to have boundaries when it comes to that stuff.

Overall I just want to avoid this coworker now lol. I placated the situation by inviting her over next week and telling her she could come play with the cats again, though it's not something I feel particularly enthused about. I JUST WANT TO QUIT THIS JOB......... One of the only other decent workers is leaving and I'm going to be left with all the high school dumb dumbs who stand around on their phones all day and have no idea how to do fucking anything without constant instruction. Like I've mentioned before, MAYBE I CAN MAKE MONEY OFFA MY ART and only need to work there like twice a week. It's a nice job in the sense that I can fuck around, it's insanely easy and they don't really care when I call out or take long vacations. It'd be nice if I could make the brunt of my earnings at home in muh pj's and just use the butthole job as supplemental income to make sure I'm not eating shit every month lol. We will see though.... LE SIGH.......

[spiderh0rse]

took a short break from Freeman's Mind to go and watch Mind of Ryan, and in short order, Arlen's Mind. Decided to take notes on these too, while I was at it, thanks in large part to @prinnamon having done the same! This is all of my notes on Mind of Ryan, Arlen's will be out in short enough order.

e1

singing :> casually in a public location, so he probably doesn't care if he's heard doing so

his usual parking lot isn't often crowded

sandwich... Steal it, Ryan. You'll need the energy in the coming days.

didn't sleep well. NO ONE in mindverse sleeps well.

his usual lot is usually Empty.

enjoys the idea of pissing people off with his parking location

almost forgot to lock his car

wears his lab coat all the time. He thinks it's cool, it's cozy, I get it.

used to live in Michigan. Power grid for his town tanked by a raccoon once

laughs at someone menaced by his car alarm

unbothered by power issues

likes soda. Or at least isn't unhappy with it

laughs off someone overreacting to a minor inconvenience

shares a living space with Barney. Probably lives on-site, then? Barney's tram in to work goes from the dorms to his station. The car is weird, then, unless theres no tram to Ryan's usual spot.

Barney sleeps heavily or simply was exhausted. I like that this explains his being late, a bit.

opens double doors dramatically

bit of a flat affect. My autism senses are tingling

his college wasn't air conditioned :( Black Mesa is, though!

having his eyes out would Suck

very sarcastic

at least two miles above AnMat, he claims. Very interesting, as you can easily see the sky on your way into AnMat in Half Life. Understandable exaggeration.

unwilling to pay for a helicopter ride out to Black Mesa. The car ride had to be MISERABLE.

Barney likes safety!

Colleague.

laughs nervously when people are annoyed in his general area

clapping and shouting at Barney usually wakes him up

vaults over a desk for the purpose of politely disposing of his trash. unbothered by someone admonishing him. vaults back out

"I'm not in a rush" your Tram is in Eight Minutes

e2

cards... in the dark. silly.

yeah why IS that guard wearing an HEV suit

works in Sector G, as a robotics engineer

missed his train :(

thinks himself to be the youngest scientist in the building. Despite knowing Barney, who considers Gordon a friend. Interesting!

LIKES DR GREEN. MAN WITH GOOD TASTE

will definitely be late. Usually isn't, but worries over what'll be done because he's late.

let the man have his break

thinks some rooms are just needlessly large

doesn't call the VOX the VOX

gets a tad rude when someone asks after something that has just been answered

even while openly panicking, doesn't emote too much vocally

not sure how to act in this situation but does try to get Out of the tram serving as a barrier between him and the bullsquid

snaps at someone shooting at the thing, for whatever reason

e3

just had cpr performed on him. If his chest hurts that's probably because his RIBS are BROKEN. Headache is likely the Head Injury That Knocked Him Out

unconcerned by the blood around him

gman sighting,, LEAVE RYAN ALONE

feels like he Should be panicking but ultimately Isn't.

hates roaches :( respects them but doesn't like them

ignores strange noise. Ryan would survive a horror movie

gman i promise you don't want to hire this guy (lying)

not jazzed at dusty/bloody vent but doesn't complain overmuch about the cleanliness

points out that the vents are cold. Makes sense, he was just out driving not too long ago, perceptually

smoke in the vents! Coughing fit at very little smoke!

seems uncurious about a pistol in the vents, and is pretty cheery about laying hands on it

"yessirre"

"hi rat :)"

focused on his labcoat getting dirty. I can commiserate. That's his favourite bit of clothing if he's always wearing it.

does startle easily, but doesn't linger on awful things

decent ability to climb

jokes about dangerous torrent of water being a waterslide and walks around it with very little hesitation

only sounds mildly stressed when he falls into it

doesn't like freezing water. L

end card!!!! :D original art!!!

e4

Makes an odd analogy about the building being alive

Overall unconcerned about a bunch of mutilated humanoids, other than thinking them unfriendly and to be avoided

Wants some manner of weapon. Gets hit in the face by a headcrab and bemoans the lack further

Continues nervous laughter. Would rather be hallucinating than actually be near a gargantuar.

Considers his "happy place" to be facts about the Tau cannon. Spits those facts out in an effort to ignore all the headcrab zombies

He works on the Tau cannon! Or does so often enough to be able to alter its functionality

Has his own lab? May simply share a lab space with others but consider it his

Ignores horror over a corpse in favour of the bulletproof vest right next to it. Also searches the body for a gun. Pragmatic.

Considers his luck poor

A tad sarcastic when he's able to be

Content to swing a crowbar around like a baseball bat

Emotes the most vocally he has all series when complaining about being in pain

Feels wrong to kill the zombies. Decides he won't.

Jumps a gap, barely clears it, and does that with no hesitation or comment.

Seems to be right handed in the official art. I'd be interested to see if there's a Mindverse character that's left handed.

e5

His flashlight is a shake-to-charge sort

Vocally distressed at seeing a barnacle eat someone

Despite that, jokes about the eaten man's death

His lab is in the biology department, but he remains uninterested in biology

Takes off the vest with no hesitation. Very decisive man.

Continues to laugh when barely avoiding death

Electrical issues are a common occurrence at Black Mesa

Unbothered by taking a Snickers bar off of a dead man

Thinks first of a pizza when hungry

Keeps taking head injuries.

Reconsiders his initial reaction to some Thing, and rephrases by running and yelling.

Has to catch his breath after running from it

e6

Had to live in a storage unit for a while. His his bed behind a stack of boxes. The unit proper was always miserably cold.

Hates the idea of beating the zombies to death, but thinks he could shoot them.

Doesn't want to leave an injured man behind. Accepts the logic presented to him, though.

Continues to avoid killing things when he can avoid doing so

Carries on ignoring any bodies unless he thinks they have something to offer him

Doesn't care overmuch about the aliens.

The alarm that goes off here, and throughout all of Unforseen Consequences, is an alert of structural damage.

Hasn't been running for any of this. He isn't used to physical exertion.

Once tried to hack the announcement system for April Fool's. Failed. Impressed a guard is able to manage it

Takes a shotgun despite weight concerns, on account of it being a shotgun

Has clearance level four

Kills someone on accident. Promptly starts thinking in loops

e6.5

Has two opened cans of Squirt next to his laptop.

Bought a laptop on May 17, 1995, while in college/university.

Has no regrets about buying a laptop worth half his student debt. (Prin adjusted this for inflation and discovered that his laptop is around $3000, nowadays.)

e7

The framing of the opening shot suggests Ryan has been sitting quietly for some time, thinking about having killed someone.

His model is also very nice.

Attempting to rationalize the manslaughter away

He does have his phone on hand.

Injures his leg in an elevator crash

Panics while in a dangerous situation, but calms down pretty much immediately afterwards

Worried he's sustaining hearing damage, but holds priority at not dying

His bones audibly creak when he lands a jump. Complains about it, but doesn't sound like he's in pain

Likes that nothing can follow him into an air vent

Practically flies up the ladder, makes no mention of his leg bothering him on it

Just happy to be alive.

Accepts he has to leave people behind if he wants to survive this, and isn't happy about it

His phone, a Nokia, accepts calls by payment plan.

Todd Arlen has just called him. I've yet to watch Arlen's Mind, so this doesn't mean much to me, yet.

Todd has escaped Black Mesa, and seems surprised that Ryan hasn't. I'd say this suggests Ryan has lost substantial amounts of time to his assorted head injuries.

Silent when he hears he's at risk of being on-site when a nuke is dropped on the facility. Brushes it off when Todd asks after him.

Calls Todd by his last name primarily.

Outraged and afraid about the nuke.

Believes he's going to die.

Overall! the autism headcanons are primed for this guy. i like how much he seems to react to everything happening around him with around the same level of mild nervousness. unfortunately he is running around with broken ribs and later an injured leg that he KEEPS PUTTING WEIGHT ON. shakes him violently. please be careful i understand you have no better options right now but at least brace against a wall

[orchidyoonkook]

I wasn't ignoring you! I've been depressed lately... So I haven't actually been sociable with many people at the moment, or with anyone if you want me to be honest. I would try to be in a healthier mindset before I get back into conversations with people if I am actually able to do so.

But, then I woke up to the news that the guitarist (from a band I listen to) is leaving the band. Because of the timing of the announcement.. I thought, along with many other fans, believed it was just an elaborate April Fool's prank. But it doesn't seem that way. So! Now that brought my depression back hearing that news. My mental health is changing everyday. So I have conflicting feelings about hearing that new today.

So there's that.

I know, I know.. I'm just overreacting about news that I'm not apart of in any way so it shouldn't effect me but it also does at the same time.

I've noticed some emojis don't seem to appear on certain devices so I will have to figure out an emoji that actually appears everywhere, or if it would be easiest to know who is who (while I'm being anonymous).

Yeah.. I'm a private person. I would only reveal things about myself if I am actually comfortable around any other person. I'm always like this all the time. Doesn't matter if you're family, friends, even strangers.

Oh! Yeah. Maybe I should've elaborated those specific relationships in fictional stories. I can see and read dark content, but never content in that way; those ships are limitations that I'm never comfortable with.

I wasn't going to say specific words in you - or anyone else who might have - read my messages. Since I know certain terms may actually be upsetting for some people. Maybe my explanation was just too vague though, so I should've elaborated more with being explicit about that.

Based on labels. My style was between "emo", "goth", "punk", "grunge" and every style in between that you could think of. Ripped jeans have always been my preference in pants.. Usually black shirts, sometimes I'd wear band shirts on occasion or shirts with graphic designs (skulls is an obvious example). Dyed hair, piercings. This is still my own style.

So it doesn't was not a phase for me like most people believed.. There was only a few people who knew that my style wasn't any phase at all either. Anyway! I'm getting too off topic again. Or at least I think I am.

Yes! Guys and girls could be friends. Not every relationship between a guy and girl have romantic or sexual either, there are also the platonic ships and even kinships too. Depending on how close their bonds are.

I rarely had female friends. Not because "I'm just like one of the guys." was the reason. Well.. Maybe I felt that way when I was a preteen that time. But I usually have better connections to guys. Nothing against a lot of women, since I know not every female is the same person when it comes to actions and reactions. I knew many girls who were always horrible to me. Other than people who treated me differently once it's been known that I'm disabled, since people have treated me different once they've found out about my disabilities (like autism for example) - but this is towards people in general though. When it comes to girls; so many female friends were jealous of me for whatever reasons they had. I'm not being conceited. They were actually jealous of me for any reasons I don't know. Any time I had other friends besides her, dating boyfriends or even had a crush on guys, she'd always steal them from me. Which is why I have trust issues with people. The girls I knew end up abusive towards me. Physically, mentally and emotionally. And the few friends, including female friends, worth having in my life were the people who abandoned me. So I've gotten used to being alone now.

And don't get me started on being friends who guys who actually did stop hanging out with me because of jealous girlfriends.. So I was not sure if they hated, distrusted, me. Or they distrusted their boyfriends.

That happened frequently too.. So having every trust issue that I have been through. I tend to push people away, before they push me away.

Yeah. Regardless of sexuality, I just can't see the BTS boys in any ship that isn't a familial ship. Kinships? Something like that. Like.. I am fine with side ships but not main ships. Nothing against people who enjoy those ships though. People should read and write their own stories.

I haven't officially came up with a nickname yet... But you might know by now that I'm the verbose anon who never even knows how to keep messages shorter than what I respond with. That may be a give away.

I finally FINALLY have the time and proper mental space to reply to this!!! Lemme dig in!!

I never thought you were ignoring me dear!! don't worry I know we all have out social limits and sometimes you just need to not be a person for a while in order to recharge. I think it's incredibly kind that you are aware of your mindset when interacting with folks and chose not to interact when you know it isn't in the best place. But please know that I'm here if you ever need to vent or need a little sprinkle of colour or kindness in life. Depression is so hard and I would never treat you differently because of it <3

I'm so so sorry the guitarist from your fav band is leaving 😔. I hope it's so that they can better their health or for the best at least. And if not, i personally find a comfort in knowing that you had them in the band for as long as you did, and you can always go back to old videos and music to reminisce. But again that's a personal coping mechanism of mine.

You're not overreacting. If this is your favourite band I'm going to assume they play rather large role in your life. So it's completely understandable to have big feelings about it. If the guitarist from my favourite band was leaving I would have enormous feelings about it as he's been with the band since 2003. Like. It's something that's a big deal. Your reaction is super valid.

Emoji's are dumb like that sometimes unfortunately. I'm happy to use whichever emoji you'd like. Or a psued if you want. Both work for me. But I usually know it's you , you're memorable!

And I can respect that. I would never push you to not be like that, I just want you to know that I'm here if you need it. The anon part of tumblr is a beautiful feature that way. Talking to strangers who are also friends without the pressure of them actually knowing. It's a very amazing type of human connection. And I find it easier to tell filks things when it can't fall back on me. Like a living diary almost. I find it super cool at least. An annonymous form of community you can't really replicate anywhere else. Beautfiul when you think about it.

Ahhh gotcha!! RE: side ships and pairings. Totally makes sense!!

I'm not someone who can be triggered easily, I semi-regularly consume darker content/ dead dove type (mainly out of loving jealously for the folks who write it so well. my ass could never) so as long as the terms you chose are talked about with respect or in proper terminolog I dont see myself being upset.

Your style sounds like what I would dress as if i had a bit more courage. I'd love to dye my hair again and get so many pericings and tats but i haven't quite gotten myself there yet. Hell, my mum has more tats than me. Just go ther sleeve done a year or two ago and is working on her next one soon! It's just something about that particular style that's comfortable to me, but my neurodivergence (AuADHD) makes permanent alterations to my body freak me out a bit, hence the need for courage. It's more of a mental block than anything,

Also it is 100% me who always goes off topic so fear not! you fit right in if you slip once of twice too!

Half of my closest decade(s) long friendships are with guys so I absolutely agree with you. I never dated any of them and neither did the other girls in the friend group. We've all known one another (as in all of us in the group knowing everyone in the group) since 9th grade and we're turning 25 this year. So it's absolutely possible. People just like to think it's not.

I was similar. When I think of my childhood and my childhood frienships, all of my girl friends were neighbours, whereas all of my school friends were primarily guys, and for the same and similar reasons you've mentioned. I was primarily raised by my dad and I only have brothers so it makes sense to me why I hung out with guys more. And I had a similar experience where girls were just mean to me for no reason and I couldnt at the time figure it out. I know why now that I'm older. But still, that hurts when you're young so you're more likely to go and be with those who feel safer to be with.

I knew i felt a certain type of similarity between out experiences and the shared diagnosis' makes so much sense. Folks treat me very different once I mention that ASD is the reason I dont undertsand things they way they tell me too or whatever the situation is. It's actually why I left my last job. They wouldn't accomodate me and my performance suffered to much as did my mental health.

"many female friends were jealous of me for whatever reasons they had. I'm not being conceited. They were actually jealous of me for any reasons I don't know." My mum saw this when i was younger too. She said i was (and am) "intimidating" and so people would try their best to knock me down a peg. hence the jealousy when their couldnt or when the realised that they wanted what i had. I've accepted it now, and silently acknowledge it. But once again, it still hurt the little girl who couldn't figure out why she was treated so differently.

'The girls I knew end up abusive towards me. Physically, mentally and emotionally. And the few friends, including female friends, worth having in my life were the people who abandoned me. So I've gotten used to being alone now." I'm truly sorry you had to/ have to deal with this. Not in a pitying way, but in a 'human to human I see and acknowledge the things you've gone through in your life' way. I hope you are able to one day build and find for yourself a lovely group of humans who love and respect you for you. Who don't tear you down like the horrible people before them, and instead lift you up. I will happily be a part of that, should you like to have me, just so you know. I may be words on a screen, but there is a person behind them who sees you.

The girlfriend situation of guy friends is something I have very fortunately not had to deal with as I usually end up being their friend too. I have a habit of wanting everyone to feel accepted and included in spaces I exist in, and it commonly plays to my favour. But I have had and heard second hand experiences with this, and it's just awful. And we can reiterate to earlier where guys and girls can be friends without anything going on. I have never understood girls who cut their guys off from perfectly normal and healthy female frienships.

Pushing folks away before they push you is absolutely a coping mechanism I understand. Breaking through that was one of the more difficult things I've been trying to learn as an adult. That some rare folks actually want to be there for me, and truly have no ill intentions. I hope you are able to one day have this as well, to which, once again, I will happily be one, should you want.

Perfectly respectable opinion on the boys and relationships. I have nothing to add other than I agreee completey.

And yes XD I am usually able to tell it's you by the length!! I just know some folks like having a tag to make searching for thir asks easier! I know I did before i had tumblr. It just made tracking what I'd sent in way easier! No rush tho!

Hope you are well, darling <3. Always lovely chatting with you.

[weathernerdmando]

I told my dad recently that I was looking to get evaluated for ehlers danlos because it would explain a lot and his reaction at first wasn't the best (it's honestly a little fucked up what he said but i saw where he got it and he did basically apologize for implying it) but once I actually got to explain why he seemed to get it. At first he was like "why do you want to get all these labels and to stand out and like I sort of get the perspective but now that I am actually chronically ill I just want to be healthy" and like I get it, I do, but I think what he didn't understand is I don't want to "stand out".

The problem lies in that I already do. The autism and ADHD alone already make me "unique" or whatever enough. It's not that I want. Its not that I want to be sick, I dont.

I just...i already am, or at least, have things wrong with me that haven't had answers so far for my entire life.

It's that I don't want to be alone. It's that I want to find other people who share similar issues who I can finally say "there's an answer to these random, seemingly unconnected, pain in the ass issues and other people understand it finally".

It's knowing I've always been medically complex and that apparently just kinda got forgotten/ignored because I thought most of it was normal because I didn't really know much else and once things were initially "dealt with" we kinda just moved on and if we needed to make accomodations we did but we just slid them between everything else and it was like they were always there before.

I know I've always been medically complex, but I didn't know that I wasn't the only one dealing with these issues and maybe some of it *is* fetal alcohol related but I don't see those things in me much at all, and even if it is a factor it doesn't explain the things I'm looking for answers for.

I'm not looking for a diagnosis for the hell of it. It's not for another label to slap on, it's not another "fun little trivia piece" or whatever you want to call it.

It's getting answers and ways to deal so things cause me less pain and I can stop being exhausted 90% of the time and maybe only be tired to exhausted 70% (50% is optimistic I think, lol). It's maybe maybe maybe finding out why no matter what I do, how much more I eat, how much I try to remember to eat, why i cant gain weight, why I can't get the body signals that signify hunger like I should be, it's maybe getting a path forward to a healthy weight for the first time in my life. I've never hit 3 digits and I *should* be and it's not intentional at all, I try and try and try but I simply can't and getting some reasoning as to why?? And maybe finding ways to get there?? That's what I want.

It's finding another person who's ribs move like mine in a way they really shouldn't and the relief in knowing "this person has an Official this is something wrong diagnosis and they share this trait with me and I finally have confirmation that this *should* concern me a little" but that there is also an explanation for it too.

I just want to be able to do things, accomodations or otherwise, somewhat normally for once. I'm used to accomodations, they've already been present in some way throughout my entire life. I wanted to be normal for a long, long time and I'm never going to be. I know I'm not like most people. I know that.

I don't want to be normal. I'm not ever going to be. What I want is to find other not normal people like me who I can say "this is happening and it hurts" and get a "yeah, same, you're not alone" response from or maybe "Here's things that have helped me, maybe talk to your doctor about them" and "Yeah, no, you're not overreacting to that being painful or weird or whatever, that's not something you should be able to do".

I'm not looking to stand out but to some extent, blend in and have a chance to finally just rest for a second or two.

I told him some of this, summarized really, and he kinda sat for a second, and I think understood what I was saying. And he said "I'm sorry you've been dealing with all this and I didn't realize."

So I think he understood why, in the end, but still. It's nice to lay it all out in the end anyways.

[moonlit-orchid]

Whenever José gets mad at the boys when the two squabble, it's always Placido he'll hold a grudge against. Even when it's Lucciano's fault for misbehaving and annoying Placido or for overreacting to a simple statement, Placido will be the one José's mad at, and he will stay mad at him for days, and Placido gets screamed at much more too. There's a reason noise gets on his nerves (aside from autism-because i fully believe Placido is at least mildly autistic), there's a reason he hates people screaming, and it's this. It's because of José screaming at him.

What's worse is that literally two hours later, José and Lucciano will be on good terms, but José will still give Placido the cold shoulder.

Placido ends up crying in both rage and sadness because he just doesn't know what he did wrong. Why José is so forgiving of the little brat but not him. He knows he has an attitude but this reaction is too much, it wasn't even over his attitude! José just brings up his attitude as a way to shame him, all the time! And it's always "be more patient, Lucciano is struggling" or "don't make my life any harder than it is" but it's NEVER "Placido's clearly struggling". And Placido eventually always ends up in tears because he's sick of it all, and he wants to run so badly but he doesn't dare leave Lucciano alone with José; no matter how mad he is that the kid got him in trouble, Lucciano is HIS kid. He can't leave him with José.

He has a full on breakdown to Yusei one day. Probably after he meets Martha and sees how a parent should behave, especially if José had been cruel to him that day. All it'd take is for Yusei to ask "are you ok? Do you wanna rest on the couch or in the bedroom where it's quieter?" and Placido full on breaks down to him because Yusei, Yusei Fudo of all people, saw his pain at once. He looked at him and knew that Placido wasn't ok, he even knew that Placido would prefer to take a break alone. And Placido breaks down to Yusei and tells him everything.

Yusei's horrified, of course. He may have grown up in the Satellite but Martha had loved him and his siblings so much! He knew Jack had struggled but that had been a different kind of struggle, the struggle of being the parent's only helper. Placido's struggle was the one of the parent's punching bag, sometimes even literally, and it breaks Yusei's heart to see his usually calm, sometimes arrogant, unconquerable former rival in such a broken state. He just holds Placido and lets him cry it out, and it hurts him to see that Placido's clearly touchstarved too. He wants to bring Placido to his house, they took Bruno in they can take Placido in (even if it means that they're gonna have to get him to share a room with Bruno because it's a three bedroom and he and Crow already had to share to fit Bruno in) but he knows Placido can't just leave José like that, because José still is his authority and then there's also Lucciano who Placido cannot leave alone with José.

Placido is trapped and it tears Yusei apart who can only try to reassure him and hug him and promise that if nothing else he cares about him. And for Placido, who's never told that, that might be enough to keep him sane.

[tittyinfinity]

Ok this is kind of a personal post but I'm putting it here in case anyone else relates

ADHD/autism related

Kinda long

Things that should have pushed me to get autism & adhd diagnoses a lot sooner:

Multiple stims throughout my whole life, but I've held onto one specific stim since childhood which is tapping things in a very specific pattern

Every social interaction is like a test that I have to "study" for – practicing every interaction in my head, thinking of all the possible things they could say and how I should respond without looking weird; closely paying attention to a person's each movement and tone of voice change in order to figure out which script to switch to; mirroring people because I don't know which social cues are acceptable to which people

Weird kid of every friend group that people only pretended to like because sometimes I was funny – always hearing that people are talking behind my back, boys making fun of me to my face while admitting to having a crush on me but not pursuing it because their friends would make fun of them

Embracing being ~*rAnDoM!!*~ as a preteen and doing things like yelling nonsense in the hallways with my other (now also diagnosed autistic) friend and wearing things that specifically pissed the other kids off

Oh so everyone else doesn't feel existential dread whenever they have to do one task? You're telling me people can have the motivation to complete a task before the very last minute when it's an immediate threat??

I'm really good at paying attention in class! All I need are my color coded pens of different thicknesses and my multiple colors of highlighters so that I can picture it in my mind (holy SHIT I had like 10-15 writing utensils on me at all times)

Wow I'm so so smart and at the top of my class!! ......oh I was just really good at standardized testing. Oh. Wow. I'm not smart outside of school. Shit.

HOW do people not feel emotion SO INTENSELY I just don't understand how people can just be OKAY WITH THINGS

"They overreact every time they get upset" "they're a crybaby" "it's not that big of a deal" yeah those were actually full on meltdowns! Yeah maybe it wasn't normal for me to be screaming and groveling over "minor" things!

I am walking out of this job right now because all of the noises and sounds are Too Much and I am having a panic attack at my desk. This must be because of the panic attack disorder I was diagnosed with

I can FEEL noises. Why can I feel them. Especially mouth noises. I grew up I a family with vocal/tongue/throat stims and I've had to wear headphones or put my head under a pillow bc while they can't help it, I also can't help that I have a physical response to it and it makes me want to explode. Repetitive noises and certain tones also drive me INSANE

No matter what you are not going to make me eat certain textures

Can't wear a bra or normal underwear without being aware of it all day bc it's all I can feel

Okay I'm going to start this task now. I mean now. Okay now. How about at 3. Oh it's 3:02, how about 3:30. Okay 4.

I am SO OBSESSED with this one thing that my entire life is going to revolve around it until it wears off for the next thing

Why do I feel like I'm so much further behind all the other adults at my age??? How have I not figured it out yet???

"The kid who asks too many questions" (especially at church)

I'm not going to follow this rule if it's not logical to do so

Having to fake a smile and engage in small talk with someone I don't know well makes me physically angry. Like not just annoyed. I want to explode and I want everything to explode with me

On that note: customer service jobs are worse than hell

I got so distracted with what I was doing that I've been doing the wrong thing this whole time

How many times can a person walk into one of their old classrooms and sit there before realizing they're not in that grade anymore

I've been talking to this person for an hour and just realized that I know them

I introduced myself to this person and they said we have met many times before

I can vividly remember every time I've missed a social cue and keep it stored in my brain so I can reference it for future situations. Also thinking about it makes me want to die

The same song/phrase has been on a loop in my head for a week straight now

Not everyone thinks in patterns and numbers specifically??

Nobody Fucking Tell Me What To Do

I very much also need people to tell me what to do because I fucking forget

(This stresses me out very much)

Idk if this has anything to do with it, but drugs affect me differently than others. My pain medication makes me energized and focused while making others drowsy. I can function and focus better after smoking weed. The only thing that fucks me up is alcohol, but anything else I've ever tried has made me feel more "normal" while everyone else around me is having a great time (I won't touch hard drugs because of this – I'd get addicted to meth or heroin extremely easily)

Apparently hypermobility can be an adhd thing? I got the record for the sit-and-reach test at all my schools and have always been able to touch the ground flat handed without bending my legs or stretching. I can also put my legs behind my head.

If I go through a major life or routine change I am fucking useless and mentally strained until I adapt to it

Me and my cats are Same

Half of my day is spent looking for objects I've misplaced

Well I'm on this website and that's a symptom too

[troonwolf]

thank you for speaking up about the cult tactics used in the pro endo community. even though i Was mostly syscourse unaligned leaning anti, the pro endo community gave me a really bad vibe. seeing a lot of shit they say screamed “cult” to me too but i didn’t feel comfortable enough calling it out because i’m not a cult survivor and i don’t know a lot about cults. i was also never pro endo so it’s not like i could speak from personal experience either. so i kind of brushed off my gut reaction and told myself i’m overreacting about something i don’t know a lot about. so i’m glad to know more now and know that the pro endo community does harm beyond what i even initially thought. i’m definitely more anti endo now because the pro endo community is absolutely the anti vaxers of the neurodivergent community. also notice how many of them support the demedicalization of autism too. idk if you remember that but i’m referencing specifically the time a few months ago when some prominent pro endo bloggers were jumping down the throats of autistic anti endos because they called their autism a disability.

Ty for your input anon! Interesting to read other folks perspectives and experiences on all this.

The funny thing is I literally only started talking about how I myself am a cult survivor because everytime I try to talk about cults in the system community, people have this knee-jerk reaction of having to respond to you with essays on how unless you're a cult survivor, you shouldn't be talking about cults.

Now first off that's obviously not true and pretty stupid. Tons of academic professionals and researchers and etc who are involved in widening our understanding of cults, were not themselves victims of cults. That's like saying I can't talk about the black plague because I wasn't there.

But literally just to make people stop having that response to me I was like welp guess I'm gonna have to talk about specific details of my trauma of being lured into a doomsday bunker in the mountains by my mother even tho both sides of this debate are constantly talking about how we shouldn't pressure people to have to talk about or reveal their trauma.

The idea of cults and cult victims have a weird status of reverence in the community, we're almost treated like a mythological creature. "Oh no, don't talk about cults! There might be a...*whispers* cult victim here...." It's very very bizarre.

Cults are an age-old phenomenon with tons of research put behind them. We actually know a fucking lot about cults. Saying you need to have been in one to be able to understand them is ridiculous.

Comparing this to other things: you don't need to have been abused as a child to have a good understanding of child abuse. We have a pretty informed understanding of what child abuse is and how it functions by this point. You can still call something out as being child abuse without having experienced it yourself.

With that said I'm glad there are people who understand my point, but honestly after this experience I've concluded both sides of the anti/endo discourse are a bunch of clowns who just want a tumblr pvp social club. People are involved literally just to be part of the community, whether anti or endo. Folks actual reasons for being against endos is dumb shit like "they're just dumb teenagers who don't know what they're doing", when if that's really the case then why are you "anti" in the first place? Idc what dumb teenagers are doing, why do you?

I hate endos because they cause harm but most people in this discourse legitimately seem like they're just anti-endos because they think it's cringe and want to be a cool tumblr hater.

[chuuyasdog]

To anyone that thinks taking a childs stuff away as punishment isnt abuse, fuck you.

When i was a child one of the main "consequences", as my mum put it, was her temporarily taking away my stuff, like my books or nintendo or whatever. And because i still live with her, she still tries to do that now, when im 20. And then she wonders why im so sneaky and hide my stuff. Her new favourite thing to take away from me is my phone. The few times i've been brave enough to refuse to give it to her, she tells me to move out.

I spent 3 days homeless in February last year because of that. Luckily there is an overnight shelter for homeless people thats open in the winter, so i didnt have to sleep on the streets. But even so, while waiting for it to open each night i still had older men wanting to "hug" me as they put it, clearly wanting more than that. A fight broke out between two men. A few of the guys were protective tho, and i am very grateful for that. I was terrified, tho it was also quite an adrenaline rush, and it was exciting knowing, at least for those three nights, that i was free from my mum.

When she tried to take away my phone again last week, i refused, and when she told me to find somewhere else to live, i did. I packed a bag, and left. I intended to just sleep in the overnight shelter again until it closed in march, and figure it out from there. The only reason im not there now is because she came after me and apologised, and said she wouldn't take my phone.

Leaving home and becoming homeless might seem like an overreaction to her taking my phone, but i have had her taking my stuff all my life, and i will not let her do that again.

TLDR, Taking a childs stuff away, even temporarily, is abuse, especially when done every fucking time said child messes up and does something wrong. I have autism and ADHD, and my mum has BPD, so i was constantly getting on her bad side. Maybe if it was a rare thing, her taking my things away, it wouldn't have been abuse on left such a mark on me. But it wasn't a rare thing, it was frequent. It was abuse.

[bookwyrminspiration]

Response to an ask from Ophelia:

Ophelia! Hello! Yeah, it wasn't exactly pleasant but it luckily wasn't too long and she wasn't very assertive. You could just tell she had some beliefs she didn't question the impact of and assumed that we all shared them.

Also I wasn't very clear about what guest teacher meant because I wasn't sure what to call her, but she's a teacher at the high-school level. The first period (I'm in fourth) of my english class is co-taught by her and my english teacher for ESL, so like she's a teacher but just not mine? And she came in to give a presentation as an example of what our final projects should look like. So she's a teacher but was a guest in my scenario

I'm really sorry that you had to go through/still go through that kind of stereotyping and discrimination. It's so unfair and really frustrating to deal with. And 100% not your fault. I don't have the exact same experience since as I grew up I went from a little brown kid to much paler, but I definitely at first meeting don't fit the stereotype of autism. I could talk (very stressfully) to the psychiatrists and excel at school, and so that immediately threw out their expectations and it was like...you'd think the 20 years of experience you claim to have would teach you that you need more than 20 minutes talking to me to actually understand me? You'd think they'd understand I might be masking and very stressed rn?? I said that I struggled to interact with people and she went "Well you're doing just fine right now!" Like thank you but also this is all a front and I will be exhausted later and it feels icky

That's not the same as the racial bias you've experienced, but I'm trying to understand and show that I'm paying attention so. It probably didn't help that I was alone; I don't like to have other people at my appointments, but that also means I'm at a disadvantage of being taken less seriously as a minor alone with two doctors. Add the very obvious anxiety and they think I'm just overreacting to things. At least I assume that's what's happening.

But yeah, those doctors you had sound awful but are a sad reality right now. There's injustice and stigma and stereotypes everywhere and we, unfortunately, can't escape it all. I generally surround myself with really great people, but I can't control everyone around me and sometimes I end up running into people like this and realize welp! The world is like this right now and even if we change it I still have to deal with it as it is right now! God this is frustrating! She's just out here thinking a certain mental disorder is evil like that's okay!

I have no idea if that teacher will learn as I will probably never see her again, but hopefully she will. I would've said something in the moment but I was momentarily stunned like...did you really just say that?? And trying to comprehend the arguments she was making (I don't do great with quick responses to auditory questions or statements) that by the time I'd gotten my own thoughts in order a different student was already arguing with her.

Emotionally I am preparing hot chocolate for the two of us while we watch the raindrops race down the window :) (sorry about your glitchy tumblr with no colors :/)

[rebootchill]

This is entirely about me, but I was kinda into Harry Potter like most kids where at the time when social media wasn't a big thing as it is now. I still love the first 4 movies a lot, But as a black kid I was bullied alot in my predominantly white school environments. These white kids would hyper focus on any weird quirk I had being the only black child in the environment, autism discourse wasn't a discussion for the time so the white woman teachers were trying to force my parents to make me medicated and I had no idea we were being racially profiled the whole time.

Anyway, I remember the Harry Potter movies coming out around each year and my class would talk religiously about each one. My parents were still Christian brainwashed so I couldn't watch them till I started middle school, I was just allowed to read the books. I had oh so unfortunately told my class I hadn't seen the recent movie, they acted so horrible about it. Like I told them that God wasn't real and said that my knowledge of the books had no value because I didn't see its movie version. Dumb kid shit right?

This does sound like I'm overreacting, but the bullying was so stupidly bad, another more competent teacher had to get involved to stop them after my mental breakdown.

After that experience my love of Harry Potter truly died that day, long before JK's bigotry, I struggled to pick up the books afterwards and they just gather dust until I threw them away. I've always had a low tolerance for that fandom, so knowing how their favorite creator acts now, feels kinda cathartic huh.

[carnivorousmoth]

I've never been good at anything. Especially never with emotions. As someone's who's diagnosed with autism, it's really hard to see people's emotions. When I was younger, before I was diagnosed, there was this girl in my class named Amy. Amy would always like to sit with me at lunch, because nobody else would. Now that I'm thinking about it, she definitely only did it to seem nice as caring- but anyways she would constantly help me through stuff. I told her I liked girls and she said that she would help me figure out myself, she always comforted me. One day though, about a year after we met, Amy was upset. I didn't know why, hell I didnt even KNOW she was upset, I couldn't tell. I talked to her like normal, not venting, not ranting, just normal conversation. She got up and screamed at me that I was an inconsiderate jerk and that I needed to learn empathy. She was crying. I didn't know she was upset, I lost my only friend that day. Worst part about that? I'm pretty sure I had a crush on her. I loved her. The only person I had left was my dad. Even my dad couldn't help me figure out what was "wrong with me", she always comforted me but never understood. It wasn't until a year before she died I was officially diagnosed with autism and BPD that she understood. Just because of this one incident in particular, I hate telling people what's wrong. The few times I have opened up and said what's wrong I'm being told that I'm "overreacting" and that I need to calm down. Ive cried to my girlfriend so many times and she always asks whats wrong but I never tell her. I cant. I cried so hard when she admitted that she originally got with me bc she was lonely, she told me I had a right to be upset, I lied and said I wasn't. She knew I was crying, I just couldn't tell her how I really felt. I can't ever, I feel like I'd chase her away with all of that. When I got pregnant my 2nd time I told her and never talked about it to her again. I couldn't, I didn't want to. Something stops me from telling people how I really feel, I don't feel as if I'm supposed to cry. I feel like I'm always an idiot and wrong for crying.

[mellometal]

Hi, everyone.

I have something extremely important to talk about that is NOT fandom related. I really do hope this can reach everyone on here, especially since it's still Autism Acceptance Month.

A few quick questions for anyone who happens to see this before I dive right into this: Have you ever heard of Dhar Mann? If so, have you ever seen his videos? What do you think about them?

If you don't know who Dhar Mann is, he's a content creator whose main platforms are Instagram and YouTube. He makes these videos about various scenarios from a couple on the brink of divorce, to kids bullying one of their peers, even about Autism Spectrum Disorder. All of his videos have some kind of message at the end that really drives the point home. One of his most recent videos is about ASD, which is what I'm going to discuss today.

Personally, I think some of his videos are interesting, despite the concepts being reused and recycled over and over; however, how I feel about the video he made about ASD is the complete opposite. I'll summarize the video he made so you don't have to watch it. (If you really want to watch it to see exactly what I'm talking about, I'm not gonna stop you. Do what you need to do in order to form your own opinion.)

The video Dhar Mann made about ASD is about this boy who excludes his autistic brother from participating in activities with his friends at school. The boy bullies his autistic brother and does pretty much everything to make his brother's life Hell, even going as far as to pretend that he doesn't know his own brother. The boy "instantly regrets his decision" when their mom is called into the school to discipline her son for bullying his autistic brother. What his mother says is what REALLY upsets me. The message of this video in particular is this, WORD FOR FUCKING WORD. I wish I was kidding. But here's the message below:

How the video concludes is the boy reluctantly includes his autistic brother in every single activity, the boy sees his brother's potential, and they live happily ever after. Whoop-dee-fucking-doo.

As an autistic woman who works with disabled people for a living, that message Dhar Mann put in this video specifically is not only extremely ableist, but is also spreading misinformation about ASD.

News flash to all the people who still spread misinformation about ASD: Not every single autistic person is a little white boy in elementary school, nor is every single autistic person a young white man who's a Super Genius™️. (I could go on all day long about how the media stereotypes autistic characters and autistic people in general, but that's a whole other topic.) No autistic person is the same, meaning we all fall on the spectrum in different places and all that jazz. There's no "look" to autistic people either because no autistic person looks the same.

Autistic women exist.

Autistic girls exist.

Autistic nonbinary people exist.

Autistic BIPOC and AAPI exist.

Autistic people who are completely nonverbal exist.

Autistic people who are completely verbal exist.

Autistic people who are in the middle of being nonverbal and verbal exist.

Autistic people who require minimal to no support exist.

Autistic people who require moderate support exist.

Autistic people who require full support exist.

Autistic LGBT people exist. (Reason why I bring this one up is because the media almost always shows cishet autistic men and I don't see autistic LGBT representation very often, if ever.)

Autism isn't something you can "catch". People have this same mentality about ADHD and Tourette's Syndrome too, which, by the way, you can't "catch" either.

Autism doesn't "go away" when you reach adolescence or adulthood. Why? BECAUSE AUTISTIC TEENAGERS AND AUTISTIC ADULTS EXIST. Autistic kids grow into autistic teenagers, then into autistic adults.

You can't "cure" it either. Unless you can build a time machine and a device to go back in time to change how a person's brain develops, there is no cure. ABA therapy is a fucking shit show in itself that does more harm than good.

The title of the video is a real squick for me too. It's mostly because I don't particularly enjoy people using person first language (the "boy with autism" part). I've seen many other autistic people on multiple other platforms sharing that same sentiment and preferring identity first language (autistic person). There are also others who prefer using person first language and those who don't have a preference. That's all perfectly valid. Whatever you prefer people using when referring to you, or whatever you refer to yourself as, in this case, is totally valid and I love you. This goes for disabilities in general, not just Autism Spectrum Disorder.

Regarding the message in this video, here's my response to it! A quick heads-up, my response is VERY long and VERY passionate. I was VERY close to making a response video where I tear that video apart AND tear Dhar Mann a new asshole. Unfortunately, it worked me up so much that I was really struggling with what I wanted to say and I had to stop multiple times because I kept stumbling on my words. That's how angry this message made me. I'll try my best to explain whatever parts you have questions about. I put my response in the nicest way I possibly could, despite me seething with rage, wanting to go OFF on him.

(The first part of my response are the first three screenshots, and the second part are the last three screenshots.)

The first part of my response, I did forget to add that the message is offensive and disrespectful to autistic people as a whole. I apologize. My initial comment got way too long. I pretty much covered that when I told him the message is ableist. I wanted to clear that up before anyone asks about it.

The second part of my response is me opening up about my experience with being diagnosed with ASD, formerly known as As//per//ger's Syn//dro//me, at sixteen years old. I also went into how not calling ASD what it truly is (which is a disability) and calling it a "different ability" instead is extremely harmful and is treating being disabled like it's a bad thing.

By the way, saying that a disabled person is disabled isn't a bad thing. I'm disabled. It is what it is. Does it have its challenges? You bet. Does it help me with certain things? Hell yeah. I can really absorb information about my favorite bands, characters, shows, books, etc., and tell you a lot about those things. For example, I can tell you that Su can't ride a bike or read manga and she's okay with that. I can also tell you she can't tie her shoes very well, which is why her boots don't have laces and are slip-on and/or zip-up. But that doesn't mean my struggles are nonexistent or that I never struggle. I do, and it makes my life Hell at times.

The narrative that autism is a bad thing to have, every autistic person is somehow broken and they all need to be "fixed" is also super fucked up and not true. That's the narrative that I received when I was diagnosed by a therapist I had. I'm gonna be real here, I cried when I was first told that I was diagnosed with ASD. I felt like I was broken. I already felt like a total outcast. Being told about my diagnosis made me feel even more broken than I already felt. I was so ashamed of myself, despite me not doing anything wrong whatsoever, that I masked for SEVEN YEARS of my life. I masked for so long that I forgot I was even diagnosed with ASD in the first place. I wasn't taught how to really put my special interests into good use. I kinda had to figure that out on my own. I was pretty much under the assumption that me being interested in anime, cartoons, music, comics, theatre, writing, etc., to the point of obsession, was somehow weird and hurting people around me. You know, despite those things being harmless. Despite me being able to separate those things from other things that are important (like work, for example). Despite my only surviving parent, other family members, and the woman he was dating at the time completely overreacting and not bothering to see exactly what makes these things so special to me.

(By the way, having a disability does not completely make who a person is. There are a lot more things that make who a person is than that.)

It's kinda shocking that I wasn't able to come to terms with my diagnosis until this year. Considering that I masked for so long due to being ashamed of myself, plus being treated like a burden for being disabled, it's probably not very surprising. I initially thought at the time that it was the worst thing to have, as I was already struggling with enough shit back then, but came to realize it's not a bad thing. It doesn't change who I am. But I'm glad I came to terms with it finally nonetheless.

This is getting way too long, so I'm gonna wrap things up here. If you've read this far, thank you so much. I'm sorry this got so long!

If you watched the video, what are your thoughts on it? If this is your first time hearing about Dhar Mann, how do you feel about him? If you're a Dhar Mann fan, did this change your opinion on him in any way? Feel free to sound off in the comments!

Have a great day, everyone!

[obsessively-compulsive]

I know I am not someone who knows you or your life but I would like to give you some food for thought I wish I had gotten when I was younger. You may not actually have bpd. There is a reason it isn't diagnosed under 18.

When I was a teenager everyone thought I had bpd because I had most of the symptoms if not all, seemingly.

Although occam's razor dictates we should always look to the fewest things to find an answer, life is often more complicated.

At your age your hormones are all whacked, emotions are far more complex, and your executive functions are under developed yet. You may find these traits dissipate as you get older. (starting around 20ish)

Explosive Anger, self destructive habits, feelings of empitiness etc. can be symptoms of depression.

Impulsivity is also a symptom of adhd (which manifests more subtle in girls) or just your age. Negative impulses can be caused a cross between the two.

Fluctuating self-image, ideal/deval, fear of abandonment etc. Can be manifestations of previous trauma, or current difficulties in your household, or a complicated history with personal and peer relationships. Etc.

My story isn't yours obviously, but everyone convinced me I had it and I agreed because I couldn't find other explanations.

I ended up having adhd/autism, a very toxic household, severe anxiety and depression and a few other issues.

A lot of the emotional behavior I had was a manifestation of all my needs not being met, poor behavior from those around me who didn't understand how to help, and just normal teenage behavior that was exaggerated by other mental health issues.

I only bring it up because:

1. As I aged these behaviors lessened, and I think people should be cautious to not accidentally pathologize developememt.

2. People believing i had bpd made them stop looking for other answers and treat me poorly.

3. When people realized other things were wrong and started accommodating them or looking through a different lense instead of villanizing them my 'symptoms' got better. (Ex. I wasn't angry and acting out, I was upset because I couldn't talk, too much noise, I didn't understand something, I was anxious, my routine was upset, I was depressed etc.)

4. When I hear a girl is considering neurodivergency but gets hit with bpd it makes me suspicious. (Esp a teenager) I know it can be true for you or maybe having both but I know what happened to me.

5. Its a common misdiagnosis in teenage girls because we are more likely to be thrown into a box of 'just over-emotional and reactive', just like certain personality disorders are misdiagnosed with boys because of our view of gender norms.

Otherwise, there is nothing wrong with having bpd if you do, and I don't mean to cross any lines or act like I know better. I just want you to know that I got misdiagnosed a lot by a number of doctors who insisted they know more about me than myself, and I didn't start getting better until the truth was found out.

Dbt therapy can be super useful so if you believe you have it its worth doing. But if you have any lingering doubts even if they've otherwise convinced you. Trust your gut. It can be hard to voice your opinion if everyone else is saying something else, but you won't get better unless the diagnosis is right.

Like I said, I don't want to come here on anon and tell you your business, I just really wish someone would have played devil's advocate for me and saved me 5+ years of my life.

I wish you all the best in your journey no matter where it takes you. Have a good day. 🌸

Thank you for giving me advice! I've been diagnosed with ADHD and suspected to have mild ASD for a couple years now until very recently. Stimulants and other treatments never seemed to help. I'm not 100% sure i have BPD but i've been told by pros that i meet the criteria, at least at the moment. I know for a fact that I overreact and am incredibly impulsive and have "episodes" of ignorance of logic where i hurt people just to get what i want. Although it could be something else, I do think it's likely to be BPD!