#and when you are wrong you can apologize

[lordadmiralfarsight]

Cultural christianity, and what it can look like

I often-ish see people get all upset and angry when cultural christianity is brought up, taking it as an insult. Most likely, they feel insulted because of past trauma related to abusive behaviour in the sect of christianity they were raised in. That, or they have delusions of grandeur about how rational and special and immune to religion they are and how dare people assume their perfect rational minds are affected in any way? (Don't worry, it's OK, I went through that phase too when I was a teen).

First off, I live in France, a country that has historically been rather Christian, Catholic to be exact, and only fairly recently moved towards more secular structures. Yes, a century since the law on secularism is a short time for a nation. Debate is still raging on what form that secularism should take, and talking about that debate would be a whole other post.

I was raised in a rather atheist familly, due in part to religious trauma in both my parents (even if they wouldn't necessarily think of it that way). My interactions with Catholicism have been limited to visiting churches for the art and stained glasses, a baptism I do not remember (due to being a baby at the time) and a handful of funerals. And I am going to supply you with an exemple of cultural christianity : last Saturday, I had a Catholic moment.

This was fairly topical, one could say, as I was going to visit the Mont Saint-Michel (very pretty, breathtaking vistas, strong recommend). I stopped at a supermarket to buy food for the road, and for the visit, one does need energy to climb up and down repeatedly on that rock, and everything costs an arm, a leg and the soul of your firstborn over there (or lots of money, if you're boring). I see a homeless person sitting outside, quietly hoping people give him some money. I walk along, awkward because I don't have money and I'd rather not have to tell someone "sorry, I can't help you, I don't have cash". I think this is bad, and resolve to buy him a sandwich, which I do. I also give him the sandwich, because just buying it on its own really isn't enough, the man can't eat his sandwich if I drive off with it, really defeats the purpose of the act.

Anyway. I sit down in my car, and have idle thoughts about how maybe that'll help me get the job I recently applied to and ... the Catholic Moment begins. Why am I hoping that? What can that realistically do? Did I give that man a sadnwich for selfish, supersititious reasons? Why would I "taint" this act of kindness with that superstition I don't even believe in?

And then the Catholic Moment ends. And I reassert reality. The guy doesn't care what was going on in my head when I bought and gave him a sandwich, he cares that he has a sandwich. He was smiling, thanked me and said it was nice. Who cares what was going on upstairs, I still gave him the damn sandwich. It's still an improvement in his life, however small. And it's OK to have idle thoughts about that kind of small hope, who cares so long as I don't try to force that on other people. And if it motivates other people to help someone, all the better. That act isn't tainted just because I thought the "wrong thoughts". The dude has his sandwich.

And that is cultural Christianity. I am an atheist, mostly by lack of care about spirituality, but still. But I was raised in a society that is still largely Catholic shaped. My parents were raised as Catholics and broke away later. My grandparents were Catholics. Their own parents were too. And looking back, a lot of my ancestors were more on the poor side of things, which made them even more Catholic.

That doesn't make me evil or bad or wrong. That just means my social and cultural software is cross-shaped due to centuries of previous updates being cross-shaped. And removing bits and bobs from it, and adding a few more, isn't going to change that. I just need to keep that in mind, so I can use that software in a way that takes into account people with non-cross-shaped software, and make sure I don't react in ways that hurt them.

The societies and cultures we live in were built over centuries or millenia, and are marked by our ancestors and what they believe in. You can break some walls, put in bigger windows and change the drapes, it's still the same building, and the crosses scratched into the mortar haven't gone away. But those crosses aren't stopping you from being more open, more friendly to other people. They don't stop people with software that isn't cross-shaped to set up their room as they please.

Just because you live in a building with crosses scratched into the mortar and the bricks, just because those crosses have been scratched into your brain by familliarity and repeatedly being seen, it doesn't make you evil, it doesn't make you wrong. It just means you've grown in there, and you may need to keep that in mind, to make sure those crosses scratched into your brain don't end up hurting someone or blinding you to someone's hurt.

Where you come from, where you grew up, doesn't reduce your worth as a human, and it's OK to carry on stuff from there. We all do. It's not a moral failing. All we're saying, is to take a good look at what those bits do to you, how they motivate your actions, and most importantly, when they tell you not to listen to others.

One of these little brain crosses is telling you that you're right, and everyone that thinks otherwise is wrong, because there is only One Truth, but are you sure you want to listen to that little cross? Are you sure you want to listen to the same little cross that caused your friend, parent, trusted adult figure, to hurt you and refuse to listen to you? Isn't it worth a go to listen to people whose software isn't cross-shaped, and try to understand where they come from?

It's not easy, I'm not going to lie. @athingofvikings can tell you, I stumbled a fair few times, in parts because he is litterally the first Jewish person I actually talked to. But he is a friend, a dear one, and I feel blessed to have met him and become his friend. I stumbled, but I keep my mind open to see my mistakes and correct them, and I do what I can to make sure those brain crosses aren't hurting people, and I got several great friends out of the deal. Imagine the friends you can find, if you just accept them as they are and keep the crosses in check?

[radaverse]

Ch II. On My Own - Page 8

Tower of Mistakes

First - Previous - Next

Join the Discord!

[thehappiestgolucky]

It's hard being a messenger, every once in a while you gotta rest.

So, after a while I finally finished part 1 of the Spearmaster Collection: The Eepies!

Credits are under the cut! If I got a credit wrong please let me know. Also, don't see your Spears? Worry not, its logged for a different part of the Spearmaster Collection (otherwise I'd have about 80 odd spears to draw and my hands would cry and i wanted to let everyone's spear get more attention in the drawing :] )

In no particular order: @i-likegamesbut-cant-playthem, @psystirene, @azrielfiend, @kakajoju, @emmetofthestars, @whippiekippy, @ardienothesieno, @sillycryptid, @pookapufferfish, @mothlight-hours, @verdeltiathedead, @rainworld-rivulet (hiiii friend), @nandemonaiwow, @kakyogay, @faelingdraws, @chillysaint, @jpegthedogthing, @fauxbia, @kedakirahei, @shark-bytee, @booksofstars, @stargazer0001

Thank you all for submitting your spears! Ik some designs are a bit outdated, I hope this was still worth it anyway <3

[front-facing-pokemon]

[uncanny-tranny]

I often see this impulse from other trans men* that involves hypervigilance of being one of the "good men" who set ourselves apart from the men who hurt others, and I wonder if this ultra-policing actually prevents us from being "bad"

I wonder if agonizing about doing everything "right" is only contributing to poor mental health of trans men* because you are seeing a distorted, monstrous version of yourself, somebody with whom you have to kill off. It forces you into this space of having to be perfect, to beat yourself up over any perceived infraction.

And I just don't think it's an effective measure to ensure we are "one of the good ones." Constantly treating yourself as the beast, treating yourself like a leper who has no place in the civilized world? How does that ensure that you both treat others well but also ensure that you aren't fucking miserable every single moment you're not alone?

[angelsdean]

ruthlessly deleting old 2021/2022 posts (not by me) from my dean studies tag like *click* un-incorporating that from my beliefs system! also the way SO many posts have me like ok uh-huh good aaand then say one completely wrong thing that loses me. it's so many posts.

[keischreiber]

I love it when characters realize their mistakes and apologize.

Because there is nothing wrong with admitting that you are at fault when you realize that you have been mistaken.

[p2ii]

redemption arcs where instead of the character having to do through the arc with the person they wronged and have the end goal be forgiveness they go through the arc with a completely different character that has no involvement in the main conflict with the goal being self improvement>>>

[swampthingking]

oh! oh </3 oh!! okay!

[jimmyspades]

[opikiquu]

im going to be so annoying all week

[rainbowsandwhumperflies]

The Winged Servant - 5

cws: multiple whumpers mentioned (only one doing actual whumping here), winged whumpee, electrocution by shock collar, royal whumper, mentions of restricting food, accidental self-harm, let me know if I missed anything!

masterlist

“Honestly, I feel like just letting you skip dinner would be a better fitting punishment.” I did my best to keep my wings from shaking while Prince Ryan tightened the collar by one notch. “You were late giving her food, so your food is restricted. Natural consequences and all that. But you know how she is about corporal punishment. And since she’s the one you messed up in front of, she gets to decide.”

He fiddled with the remote, presumably changing the settings so that it would hurt more. I would not shake. I needed to be able to stay composed.

“You’re getting three shocks. One for each minute you were late. Does that seem fair?”

“I will accept whatever punishment you see as fit, Your Highness.”

He smiled. “Yeah, I know you will.”

The first shock wasn’t bad. I arched my back and gasped a little, but it was almost the same as the shocks that woke me up every morning.

The second shock would be worse. That was how it worked—the shock was a bit stronger every time. The worst part wasn’t the actual shock, though. No, the worst part was waiting for the next one and not being sure when it would come. I closed my eyes so that I couldn’t stare at the remote, waiting for the shock to hit. I took a slow breath, and-

Fuck.

A strangled noise escaped my throat, and I bit down on my fist to keep any more sound from getting out. I bit until I tasted blood, trying not to sway, before I finally dropped my hand back to my side. “Sorry, I- My apologies. Your Highness.”

“You’re good. You can make noise if you’d like.”

“Thank you, Your Highness.”

“Mm. You wanna sit down for the third one? Your legs already look pretty shaky, and the last one is always the worst."

Had they always been this bad? Before I’d been properly trained, I’d had to sit through ten, getting worse at every level, and here I was with shaky legs at the second level.

“I need an answer, Onyx. It’s not like I electrocuted you enough to kill your vocal chords.”

“My apologies, Your Highness. I’ll- yeah, I’ll sit down. Thank you for offering.”

Her Majesty liked it when I was graceful. Prince Ryan wasn’t as particular, which was good, because I wasn’t sure how much gracefulness I had left in me as I collapsed to my knees. Tears pricked at the edges of my eyes, and I took a slow breath. Crying wouldn’t help me right now. Crying would probably make everything worse, because I’d already been told not to. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe-

Fuck fuck fuck that fucking hurts fuck.

It took a moment for my eyes to focus on Prince Ryan’s face in front of me. I wasn’t sure if it was because I’d kept my eyes closed or if the shock had been bad enough to mess with my eyesight, but it didn’t really matter.

“Breathe,” Prince Ryan told me, pulling the collar off. “You’ve done this before. You’re okay.” I nodded, trying to stay focused, and he tilted my chin up, making sure there wasn’t any damage that would last. “You did such a good job.”

“Thank you, Your Highness.” My voice was slightly raspy. Had I screamed during the last shock? I didn’t remember screaming, but that didn’t mean much.

“It’s been awhile since you’ve had this particular punishment, hasn’t it?” Prince Ryan wondered, but he didn’t look like he really wanted a response. “A year at least. I suppose whatever tolerance you’d had for the higher levels has left.” His fingers ghosted over where I’d bit into my hand, but didn’t quite make contact. “I’m not going to clean that. It’s small. It’ll be fine as long as you don’t pick at the scab, but please don’t do that again.”

“Do what, Your Highness?”

“Bite yourself. You didn’t mean to, did you?”

“No, Your Highness. My apologies.”

“You’re fine for today, but I can’t have you hurting yourself while I’m trying to punish you for specific things, alright? It’ll mess with your conditioning. If you get back into that habit I'm going to start muzzling you for punishments again. No one wants that.”

“Yes, Your Highness.” I did not want that. I would take whatever the royal family gave me during punishments, of course, because good servants did not have wants, but the texture of the bit in the muzzle always made me feel weird.

“Good. Okay. Tell me what you did wrong.”

“My sincerest apologies, Your Highness. I shouldn’t have been late taking Her Majesty's breakfast to her. It won’t happen again. Thank you for punishing me so that I remember not to repeat my mistakes.”

“Good boy,” he murmured, running fingers through my hair, and I let myself lean into his touch. That was always the phrase that meant we were done. I had done well enough. I wouldn’t be punished any more.

“Thank you, Your Highness.”

“Do you need a second? You’ve got about twelve minutes until Jayden needs your help serving dinner, and as long as you’re there on time, I don’t care if you take a break for now.”

“I, um.” I blinked hard. “Servants exist to please the crown, Your Highness. I don’t need-”

“I’m offering a break to you, Onyx. If you’d rather make sure dinner is all prepared, you can do that, but I won’t object if you’d like a few minutes to recover. We’re going to be… leaving for a bit tonight, and I don’t want you all pitiful and anxious like you were earlier. Okay?”

Prince Cardan was the only one who ever tried to trick me into things, but this felt like a trap. Prince Ryan looked serious, and like he wasn’t making fun of me, and wouldn’t it be rude to refuse a gift offered to me? “Thank you, Your Highness.”

“Make sure to turn the light off when you leave the room.”

I didn’t cry when he left, because I was down to probably eleven minutes and that almost certainly wasn’t enough time to cry. It’d have to be enough time to pull myself together, though. If I could do it in the three minutes I had before the punishment, I could do it in the eleven minutes after.

Breathe in, breathe out. I could do this, I knew how. Crying served no purpose and I didn’t need to do it.

Nine minutes left, I estimated.

Nine would have to do.

~

taglist: @kaleidoscope-of-thoughts @toyybox @rainydaywhump

[noeggets]

Sonic: i ain't believing this

[isilwhore]

[callmewishful]

Woke up thinking about dilfs today. Here’s the results of the days work:

It’s no secret that Lambert’s political ideas were…ambitious. And that’s not a bad thing - I think he really wanted to better Faerghus and that his policies were truly for the good of his people.

However, it is also no secret that the western lords were…hesitant. And it’s also no secret that Rodrigue knew this and worried about it more than Lambert did.

So how much time do y’all think Rodrigue spent chasing after Lambert trying to rein him in?

And thus, how much time do you think Matthias spent holding down eastern Faerghus while Lambert charged towards a new future and Rodrigue tried to temper him? How much time did he spend helping in territories so Rodrigue could spend time in Fhirdiad trying to tell Lambert to ease into things instead of charging into them head first? (And this is absolutely no hate to Papa Roddy - I love him and he’s such a good guy and believe me when I say he was doing the Goddess’s work trying to keep Lambert from charging off a cliff; he had decisions to make for the good of Faerghus too and this was one of them)

Rodrigue and Matthias play those roles in Houses though; Rodrigue goes in search of Dimitri while Matthias holds down the fort. To me it doesn’t seem far off that the same thing was true earlier in life.

In addition to that, we know there were two plagues in Faerghus - one Matthias sent his wife up north for and one that killed Dimitri’s mother. We know they had the large Sreng campaign where Rodrigue saved Lambert, that Matthias had Leif for a while, that Duscur occurred, and that Faerghus was utterly destroyed afterwards….

We know Matthias is a margrave before anything else, for better or worse depending on perspective (mostly worse than better). But how many times do you think duty took Matthias away from the boys? How many times did he look up and yet another day was long gone? How many times did he sacrifice today in hopes for a better tomorrow?

I’ve never said Matthias is winning any awards for his parenting, but I often wonder how things like this played a part in it.

[paunchsalazar]

as someone who has been your fan for a while, i was positively CHUFFED to see your DA:O doodles!! now, who's your fav character?

what?? thank you for liking my stuff what the heck!! now and in the past! :’ o

as for my favorite… I don’t think it’s much of a surprise…

I think a lot of it is that you meet him first!! and he’s vital to the plot and sticks around the whole time. I was mostly picking my party for the sake of role play so I brought him along 90% of the time and talked to him a lot, and I think as the only other person having these nightmares and sensing these things, it would be nice to have someone to talk about it with.

I was very charmed by the other romance options but I think by the time they met my warden was too far gone… he is a light in the dark… and he wants you to keep the dog!

who is your favorite!!