#however. despite me not think dean Needs to forgive cas. the thing is. with dean when it comes to cas the forgiveness is implicit | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

thegeminisage · 3 years

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hi, sorry for answering you both so late, i am putting your answers together since they are sort of related!

the short answer is, i can’t write a “real” sequel to broken road but the third part of the triptych would be the indirect dean/cas spiritual sequel, except with way more porn. the long answer is:

i just don't think i could write a true direct sequel to broken road set in that same continuity because i don't have anything left to say about john and how he gets along in the real with his family world now that he’s stuck there and they’re all stuck with each other. my main three points of interest that i felt were left unresolved would be the continuation of dean and cas's relationship (more on this in a sec), sam and eileen (ditto), and figuring out if john and mary ever made it work or called it quits for good. so if i wrote a sequel to broken road it would just be a bunch of john/mary stuff that i feel underqualified for because it WOULD involve their sex life and i DO NOT want to write john having sex. them fucking offscreen in broken road was as close as i'm ever getting and even that was weird. and then somehow i’d also have to work sam and eileen into that and it’s not at all related. it would take two fics and i don’t even want to write one. also, i really kind of want to leave the question of john and mary open anyway - i have my own thoughts about how things ultimately end up but i prefer to let the reader imagine what ending they like best, since people have such strong feelings about it. i know that's a little bit of a cop-out and i'm sorry! but it feels beyond the scope of that fic and also a little beyond my scope and area of interest as a writer.

if it helps you any, i imagine going forward their dynamic is a lot like it is in the epilogue, which is part of why i made the epilogue so long, was to give you a good idea of what life is like for them now. but here’s what i imagine might go down after the final curtain call (this is LONG, skip to the section labeled “dean” for the triptych answer):

john & mary:

john continues to suffer and bite his tongue and probably do a lot of complaining and DEFINITELY do a lot of avoiding being alone with dean or cas or dean-and-cas. john was expecting to retire after yellow eyes died so he really wouldn't know what to do with a family that still hunts for "no reason" and i imagine he'd be pretty pissed that they still hunt at all. i expect he and sam would butt heads over that

mary would probably keep attempting to be supportive and keep being bad at it, and spend a lot of time trying to put a brave face on it while secretly dying inside, because she's constantly at war with herself. here she has john back, but not the john she remembers, and spending time with him is difficult because she wants to let herself have him and take comfort in him and also she doesn't want to be anywhere near him because he abused their kids

eventually mary or john or both would have to leave, though mary would come back - in canon she's in and out a lot anyway, she stays for awhile and visits regularly for game nights. i think john would miss the first game night, get one "seriously?" text from mary, and then show back up every week that he possibly could but also not visit unless it would make things worse if he didn't. i don't think he particularly enjoys spending time with his family for a long time, if ever, because much like season 12 mary he came back to a family he barely knew or recognized (and because of what he knows now spending time with dean would be particularly awkward). HIS sons would be getting married to women and retiring and having biological children. this gay adoptive whatever the fuck makes them feel like they are not his sons.

anyway, i imagine john and mary would do much better when running into one another outside of the bunker, on their own separate hunts. they might even take one or two together. there’s probably some very guilty sex in their future at some point because mary is real fucked up. john post broken road does a lot of shutting up but i think around mary he would be the most like his old self. they do this will they/won't they dance for the next decade at least before finally making up their minds one way or the other. i do think they all still go on hunts together sometimes, maybe even with the apocalypse world hunters, and since that's sam's deal john is probably kind of quiet and falls in line and does what's needed without chatting much to anyone. i bet the first few times people don't even realize he's sam's father because he's so quiet. it's his way of trying to apologize to sam and also if he steps out of line when sam is in charge sam would <3 deck him. yes. but yeah i see it being very brisk and professional and awkward, until they all get used to each other again

sam:

as i said earlier the only thing i didn't fix in broken road was eileen, so at some point sam would figure out a way to get her back - since in this verse jack never becomes soulless and chuck never returns and we never get season 15 it's possible she shows back up because she didn't go with her reaper, or because someone fucked up a summoning spell, or sam realized she was in hell and decided to spring her, or she just crawled out on her own like a badass. i think it would be kind of funny if john was involved with her resurrection but maybe accidentally somehow, so it's not like oh sam learns to forgive his dad because john did this really nice thing for him it's more like UGH why did it have to be YOU why are YOU involved in this important thing that has nothing to do with you slkdjfghl but also if you hadn't done it she'd still be down there or something, so, it cancels out. or idk maybe john had to work hard at it or give something up to make it happen. he has to genuinely shut up and be selfless and not fucking complain and feel sorry for himself the entire time, that might be fun too. either way sam would not thank him

(though i do think sam deserves space to explore the fact that he loves john even still, even despite the fact that he also hates him/is very angry with him and always will be. i don’t imagine sam and john ever fully reconcile but i imagine john behaving BECAUSE OF SAM SPECIFICALLY offers sam more catharsis than he thought possible.)

anyway, john would be so relieved to see sam with a woman even if she is a deaf hunter but then it turns out she hates him like sam does so like. sucks to be him! meanwhile sam and eileen get to catch up and he finally has a willing ear (so to speak) that isn’t cas or mary to talk to about this stuff and of course SHE has someone who very much understands what it’s like to come back from hell. part of what i really love about sam and eileen is the way they sort of instantly and intrinsically recognized and understood one another, even across something that resembles a language barrier, and this hypothetical future would be no exception. there’s no way they don’t get engaged inside a year, and much like in the 15.18 fixit they’d sometimes hang at the bunker and sometimes not. i imagine with the apocalypse world hunters going in and out though it’s never exactly empty or lonely there.

whether or not their family unit ever retires and/or moves out of the bunker in this verse is sort of beyond me because my feelings on it change daily but you can imagine whatever you like! however i am adamant that the furthest away from each other sam and dean will ever get permanent-living-situation-wise is next door/across-the-street neighbors. their weird little codependency is part of what i like about them and i have a Whole Thing about not “gentrifying” dean. but for the most part sam would be very much doing his own thing which involves john very little, and healing from his own damage with people OUTSIDE of his blood relatives which he very much deserves. and he has moved so completely past the need to care about john that like john is a backdrop in his life, albeit one with baggage. but mostly he becomes someone to keep an eye on in case he makes trouble, no different than a hundred other surly hunters sam’s known. and he can still be there for dean without his life revolving around dean because now dean has other people there for him too. (i ALSO have a whole thing about sam being in the life for dean specifically, that he’s giving up some or all of adulthood for dean because dean gave up childhood for him - kind of the way someone takes care of their kickass single mom in old age. it’s a guilt/love/debt/devotion sort of thing.)

and speaking of the Eventual future, if babies ever come into this picture (sam and eileen’s, to be clear, dean and cas are probably satisfied with jack, NOT THAT JACK ISN’T ALSO SAM’S CHILD) john is allowed to see them but never unsupervised. i’m picturing like sam and eileen both on their third day of no sleep and sam lets john change a diaper because he’s exhausted and john considers that the best their relationship has been since sam was 6. mary always wanted to raise babies and sam likes her better so she’d get to pitch in with much more enthusiasm (and aw they’d finally get to bond a little more), and dean has raised a baby already so he’d probably try to like help and get waved away a lot like no no raising other peoples babies is no longer your job it’s ok. there is eventually a fight about this

cas & jack:

castiel lives a great life caring for his newly re-graced son and staring at john when he enters or leaves rooms, and i imagine eventually jack gives him his wings back, since he can do whatever the fuck he wants (i'm not giving jack his own section but he also probably keeps acknowledging dean and cas are a couple like out loud which would be fine except for dean is still half in the closet like a skittish traumatized cat so eventually cas would have to explain very gently that nobody was supposed to know that yet and jack should cool it to give dean time to adjust)

anyway i DON’T believe in human cas, i believe he likes being an angel, so he just gets to stay an angel forever and now he has wings too <3 and he can teleport which spooks john in the exact same manner it used to spook dean in s4 <3 except this time cas is being <3 malicious on purpose <3

cas fully won here because like john does NOT want to speak to or acknowledge him much less be in the same room as him so they tend to have a dynamic where like all 6 of them are in the room and cas dean sam mary and jack all talk to each other and john dean sam mary and jack all talk to each other but cas and john do not talk to each other. cas doesn’t have to threaten him or glare at him constantly anymore like all he has to do is look at him. and john is like. man what’s he gonna do. that guy is having sex with your son and there’s nothing you can do about it! so dean doesnt have to be like ok cool it cas anymore because cas has literally won in every possible way. i think at most it’s very much cas being like “if i were trying to kill you, you’d know it <3″ and john can’t return those vibes to sender because then dean would be like ok cool it at his DAD instead. it used to be cas don’t piss off dad and now it’s dad don’t piss off cas. anyway i think that since cas has let dean lean on him so much it would be nice if he could lean on dean a little. again more on that in a minute

dean:

and finally, as for dean...i think he needs a year minimum to dean with people acknowledging he and cas are a couple and another 3 for it not to be weird to say cas’s name in front of his dad. absolutely zero pda in front of john ever but he might like eventually get to the place where he and cas can lounge around together on the couch while they watch movies with the rest of fam and it’s not a big deal. sneak an arm around him at a movie theater. kind of the same vibes as the 15.18 fixit but with less anxiety. because like the worst possible thing (getting outed to everyone) has already happened and aside from the outing itself being completely horrible nothing that terrible even came to pass as a result, so he’s just Adjusting. i think he sort of has to unlearn and relearn his habits - his mediator thing, his defending dad thing. i think there’s a lot of times where he just walks out of a room when shit is too much for him to deal with because he has let go of some of the need to constantly micromanage his family’s interactions to make sure they don’t boil over. michael already took that scenario to the max and mary already dumped john so there’s really not much left to be afraid of. i think he gets told “that’s not your job” a lot and maybe listens more than he used to. and to bring us around to the second question...

i also think dean would get weirdly hung up on the fact that he and cas’s sex life is Not Normal - as in, they fooled around a little and that was it. i think dean would have a huge problem with that. like, obviously he has A Few Hangups About Gay Sex given his history but if you’re a couple you’re supposed to bang on the regular and it’s totally homophobic if he doesn’t bang cas as much as he’d bang a lady he was committed to, right? he’s not gonna give cas less than he gave cassie or lisa, that’s not fair to his best buddy and number one pal!

meanwhile castiel, known asexual, is utterly and wildly neutral to the whole idea except that it’s a way to be close to dean. cas would be just as happy fucking like champions for a six-hour marathon or spending that same six hours curled up in bed together while he plays with dean’s hair. like, same diff. you know that thing about like “cas thinks everything is important he gives the same gravitas to the apocalypse and a nine year old’s birthday party”? like it’s exactly like that with sex and cuddling and sharing a meal together and driving together and watching dumb movies like it’s all time spent With Dean so it all matters just as much.

so we have this conflict where dean is tearing himself apart over the fact that he’s taking a normal human amount of time to “work up” to the whole thing and cas is like. but it’s fine. it’s literally fine. and dean’s reaction to this would be something very offended like hello excuse me i am super hot and fuckable and you don’t WANT me?

if this all sounds familiar that’s because i’ve written similar stuff to it before! if you go to the fic page for broken road, you'll see it's part of a series now (the "triptych"), with my dumb little 15.18 fixit as the prequel. even though continuity-wise these are two totally separate fics i feel very strongly that that fic is the spiritual prequel to broken road, and eventually, a long time from now, after the next @cambionverse fic is done or at the very least well underway, i'd like to write a spiritual sequel. a triptych is three works that stand on their own but also make a more complete whole, so even though these three stories would not be related at all in continuity of where they take place in canon, they each set the stage at a different part of the dean/cas relationship. so fic #1, the get-together, had no sex at all, and it was very short. fic #2, pre-established but just barely, had a little sex in it and it was very long. fic #3 then would be pre-established but like VERY pre-established and have a fuckton of sex in it, and be medium length. i’m ha ha basically writing my own nc-17 porn coda since SOMEBODY won’t do it for me (if you got that joke you’re entitled to financial compensation).

except i actually really do want to tackle this subject myself, it’s stuff i only got to touch on in the other fics because it felt off topic, so in this fic it WOULD be the topic! i really found a groove i like with cas who has almost no trauma around sex but doesn’t care whether or not he has it vs dean who really really wants to have sex but has a minefield of past bad experiences he has to watch out for. and i like writing porn anyway and i didn’t get to write very much these past two fics. i’ve always said that i think dean would snowball (not like that, gross) - it’d take him FOREVER (literally a decade plus) to work up to kissing cas but a fraction of that time to start fooling around with him and a fraction of THAT time to blow him etc etc. the more he does the easier it gets. i feel like it’d be a lot of fun to write.

so, this third fic would not be an official broken road sequel, because there’s almost no plot outside of the porn to speak of anyway, but if what you wanted was to see how the dean/cas went from where it left off, hopefully that will be satisfying in that regard.

i should say, while the third fic would be almost exclusively porn there is one plot element involving ********** that i am not going to talk about on tumblr because it would ruin the surprise. i have told a few people privately and i will tell you if we know each other pretty well but if you know (or guess) don’t tell anyone!

see, the other thing i would want to tackle in that fic is how cas has his own traumas and baggage, even if they’re a little different from dean’s, and i think dean sometimes gets so deep in his own stuff he kind of...not forgets that exactly but forgets how profoundly it still affects cas, because by and large cas deals with that sort of thing a lot more quietly and in much healthier ways than dean does. not that his self-sacrificing ass is the poster child for mental health, but for example cas recognized suicidal ideation in himself and actively worked to keep himself away from situations that would make it worse. he translates his bad feelings into meaningful action (well, he attempts to, even if it usually goes wrong). so he hurts kind of quietly and in late season especially most of the worst moments of his life are behind him (barring jack’s death, which doesn’t happen in this verse). so he’s also further along in his healing process which mean dean kind of forgets how fucked in the head he can be. and in the uh...unusual situation...they find themselves in because of this minor plot, it becomes something that he can’t not notice, that they can’t just not talk about, and cas gets to lean on dean a little, they sort of get to know each other better. so that’s part of the point of that one little plot element. but the rest of it really is porn.

i haven’t started work on the third fic yet - i don’t have a title and my outline is just a bunch of choppy ideas and i have about 2000 words of the middle of the fic jotted down out of context. (it was originally going to be a shorter unrelated thing before i realized how well it tied to what i already had.) i have another obligation to see to before i can get started on it (again, @cambionverse, you should read it if you havent, the concept might sound unappealing but almost everyone who tries it likes it and it’s way better than broken road). so it’ll probably happen a very VERY long time from now! but it IS happening. >:) i just hope after the first two fics in the triptych were so well received that it doesn’t disappoint 🥺

#liz answers asks #anonymous #broken road #liz watches spn #liz loves writing #sorry this is such a long post i got carried away #i'm really excited about that third fic but i am more excited about other things first #but i don't want to get anyone else too excited until i have more concrete stuff bc rn i don't have much confidence in it #when i first conceptualized it i was like 'this is so weird and bad i will have to publish anonymously'#i've moved past that particular bit of self-doubt but only a very small inch lol #12:46pm

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wendibird · 4 years

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SPN 15X16 Observations

Alrighty folks! This week, both my TV AND internet were working! (Helped that this past week a repairperson came out and checked things out and turned out our cable box needed to be replaced because the one they’d given us was defective or something.) So, good part of that was that I was able to watch it on my actual TV! Bad news is, that meant I was left trying to take notes on my phone, which isn’t as easy for me as it is on my computer which my keyboard. But ah well. Here are my episode notes and post-watching break-down of what I thought about it.

- getting "IT" vibes

- "IT" vibes still there

- Nyooooooom

- DEAN! YOU DIDN'T TELL HIM YOU BASTARD!!!

(FLASHBACK) - Dang Dean.... "this is our life" Even then he was trying to make Sam accept it. - Poor Sammy - That's a big gun for a little kid...

- Poor (other) kid!

(Commercial thoughts) So this is the second time this season that Cas had a conversation with Dean and then left and Dean lied to Sam about it. So Sam's in the dark still.

First time I think Dean just didn't want to admit his part in Cas leaving. This time, I have a feeling he doesn't want Sam to know what Cas (probably) said about Jack. Maybe thinks Sam will try to stop the plan. And Dean wants it to happen? Because at least this time it's not them making the sacrifice? *salty*

- Dean's pretty quick to call it. (That it's not their kind of thing.)

- Ring??

- He brought the ring back

- That woke her up

- NOW he (Dean) believes her...

(Commercial) Dean is closing down connections between him and the people he usually connects with. Like, it's harder to hold onto those. Like, he's willing to let Jack go (I think) And he was ready to write off Caitlin's brother.

Also tied up with his slef image. He thought he'd taken care of it back then. She prayed on his sense of duty and shame of failure.

Interesting that the knife wasn't really there.

Could it have killed him anyway?

- "We used to keep a lot of secrets from each other."

- I still hate how Dean gets lumped up as "Sam and Dean" as if his POV is the only one important. (Reference to what Billy told Jack to get him to agree. It was pitched as if his sacrifice to take out Chuck is the only way to earn both their forgiveness. But that's only true for Dean. Not Sam.)

- Dean knows Sam isn't going to like it. That's why he hasn't told him yet.

- BABA YAGA!!! (Wonder if there'll be any references to her hut on chicken legs.)

- *LOL* Poor bong girl.

- So, hallucinating or teleportation? (Apparently hallucination)

- Sammy to the rescue?

- Well, he got to help....

(Commercial) (Still disappointed that there was no mention of her hut on chicken legs or the fact that she rode around on a mortar and pestle. She felt more like an SPN interpretation of IT.)

- "You tell the truth more because you know that lies don't make anything better." (Is that an anvil I hear falling in the distance?)

- Okay. That (Dean fessing-up to Sam) predictably went horribly, but I'm glad it did. I'm glad Sam had a freaking voice. And an opinion. And wouldn't let Dean talk him around. Because he's right. It was shitty to hide it from him. And the plan is shitty. He knows what it's like to be the guy who has to die to save the world. And he's right to have ethical questions.

- "You wouldn't have handled it." (Or however it was phrased is Dean's internal justification for why he's right and Sam isn't. And why it was okay to hide it from him.)

(Post-episode thoughts)

(And again, apologies if these aren't exactly coherent.)

I liked the Weechester parts. Gotta admit, it took me a bit to warm up to the new actors, but I think that's mostly because we had Colin Ford for a good long run, and Dylan Everett for a decent amount of time too. I kind of got used to them. But these two did a good job.

I felt the writing for their parts might have had a few continuity issues. This was supposed to be in 1993 right? (Have only watched through it once so far.) So Sam would have been 10-ish (depending on the time of year) and Dean would have been 14. (Probably safe to assume this wasn't intended to be early January.) And it took place sometime after the flashbacks from "Just My Imagination" but before "After School Special" or "Bad Boys" So I found it a bit odd that Sam already is being shown as not wanting to hunt. (When in "Just My Imagination" he wanted to join his Dad and Dean on the hunt. And in After School Special he was definitely not about hunting but he hadn't seemed to considered that he even had the option to try for anything else. So I found it odd that they had a 10-year-old already looking at books about going to college. I feel like maybe if this had taken place a few years later maybe that would have made more sense? Ah well, I still enjoyed it overall.

Now, about the MOTW, I was all giddy when they revealed it was the Baba Yaga. (When I was in band in college, we played a musical piece from "Pictures at an Exhibition" titled "The Hut of the Baba Yaga". And I hadn't heard of it before that so I did some research on it and found out it was basically the Russian folklore version of the Boogy Man. She lived in a hut that walked around on fowls' leggs, and she rode around on a mortar and pestle, and she was greatly feared. So, they got the "greatly feared" part right. But.... (just did some double-checking on the episode) OKAY! So, I take it back. They didn't make a HUGE deal of it, but the motel where it all happened was called the "Rooster's Sunrise". So yey! They did have a nod to the Hut on Fowl's Legs thing! And it's not anything close to a hut, but it does have wooden siding on the upper part of it. (Like, not painted wood, but wooden-wood. *LOL*) Still though, overall I was getting more of an "IT" vibe from it. (At least the old IT, with Tim Curry. I haven't seen the new one.)

I did think they did an overall good job with the creepiness factor. But in the end, it didn't feel like she had much of a personality. She was just kind of there to move the plot where it needed to go.

To me, I felt like most of the emotional weight of the episode was on the secret Dean was keeping from Sam. And you could tell that it was eating at him. But at the same time, he didn't want to go there. Because he knew Sam would react badly.

Before I get to that though, I want to touch on something I mentioned up in my notes, after the conversation Billy and Dean had. She said that she'd gotten Jack to agree to the plan by saying that the only way to earn their forgiveness was by dying to end Chuck's threat. (I know, in this episode she specifically said Dean. But in the last episode, when Jack was telling Cas about it, he'd said Sam and Dean. So either he's merged them together in his head, or Billy did when pitching it, or she just left an open implication and he took it.) Either way, there's still that idea floating around out there that Sam and Dean are a matched-set, and that what one wants, the other wants too. Despite the fact that that's not how it plays out. And despite the fact that Sam has pretty openly shown Jack that he's forgiven him, and cares about him, and that Jack doesn't need to "earn" his affection. So why is Dean the only one who matters here?

Maybe it's the writers lumping them both together when convenient? But the fight between Sam and Dean at the end of this episode shows that they're not on the same page as far as Jack is concerned, so the writers DO know. Does Billy see them as a single unit? Or is it the opposite? Has she been coming to Dean with her plans and talks because it's easier for her to manipulate him? Because Sam's the one who stops to ask things like "Does Amara deserve to die? Does Jack deserve to die? Is there another way to do this? (Should I maybe NOT lock myself into a coffin and then yeet myself into the ocean?)" She was pretty firm to Dean about "getting his house in order" because she wants the plan to go smoothly. Is that because she knows Sam could/would find a way to stop it if he's not on-board? I mean, old Death was very aware of how persistent Sam could be if he put his mind to something.

Anyway, forgive my ramblings. Most of my questions don't have answers yet, but sometimes it helps to get them actually written out.

As for the fight between the brothers at the end, I'm actually glad it happened. I get where Dean is coming from. He's focused on the goal (getting out from under Chuck's control) and especially since he and Sam aren't the sacrificial lambs this time around, he's willing to let Jack do what he needs to do in order to get the job done. Especially since Jack seems to be willing.

(Though I do have issues with the fact that Jack is willing because he thinks it's the ONLY way he can earn forgiveness. But, that is yet another parallel to Sam from S5, who not only knew and accepted that he was the only one who could stop Lucifer, but that it was all apparently his fault and he needed to atone. When in fact, he was just one of MANY who'd had a hand in the Apocalypse happening. And I'd say most of the blame for it fell on the angels and demons. Both Winchesters broke seals without knowing it. Sam thought he was outright preventing a seal from being broken. But regardless... I wonder if Sam sees this too, at least from the perspective of "I know what this feels like, and it sucks, and Jack doesn't deserve this, and there HAS to be some other way!" I guess my point is, emotional manipulation can be considered a form of coersion. Letting Jack believe that this is the only way to be forgiven, holding that forgiveness over his head... how much "free will" is actually going on here if that's why he's willing to go through with it?)

Sorry, tangents. I tend to live in them. *LOL* So yeah, while I don't agree with Dean's mindset, I do get why he feels the way he does. And I'm just glad that Sam wasn't written as "a little upset but willing to let it go." Down to his bones he knows this is wrong. And he let Dean know. And I'm also glad that he's asking the questions he's been asking. It's not a weakness as Dean kind of implied. (With the whole "you can't get the job done.") Sam isn't being wishy-washy. He just cares about what's right. Chuck or no Chuck, it still matters to him. And getting what you want "by any means"... well, he's been down that road himself. He knows how that can end. And plus, he cares about Jack. Like, genuinely cares about him, as a person. Not just what he can do for them. Not because he's powerful. But for who he is.

Also, I don't know if it was intentional, or just the way it came off to me, but I feel like... well, for a lot of this season to be honest, Dean's view of what and who is "vitally important" has severely shrunk down. To like, himself and Sam. I'm not saying he'll tell everyone to go hang. But I feel like maybe as a reaction to finding out how much of their lives were "set-up" he kind of withdrew emotionally. He's more willing to let go of other people they care about. The connections he forms don't feel as strong as they used to even a season or two ago. Like, in "The Gamblers", he felt a little sorry for the other people trapped there, but he was willing to get what they needed and get out of there. Sam was the one who insisted on trying to free them too.

And speaking of Sam, at the end of last season I felt like one of the reasons why he went along with Dean's plan (to lock Jack up) despite how he CLEARLY didn't like it, and everything about it felt wrong, was that at that point in time he severely doubted his own judgement. Because by that point, so many of his decisions which had been made with good intentions and with the best information he'd had at the time wound up blowing-up in his face. (i.e. Training the AU refugees into Hunters to help them with Dean/Michael and then after with just Hunting in general only to have most of them slaughtered by Michael. And him trying to give Nick a chance because he knew what it was like to be branded as evil for things that had been done to you. And he knew what it was like to be a vessel for Lucifer. And then when Nick went off the rails and they caught him that first time, they handed him over to Donna, because he was a human so they thought they'd let human justice deal with him. And then he escaped and hurt Donatello and was trying to free Lucifer, and Sam almost beat him to death but then stopped, because he didn't want to kill him in what he felt was cold blood. (Though I'd argue self-defense would've been valid.) After which Nick hit him repeatedly in the head with a rock and almost DID free Lucifer, which Jack stopped, but that lead to Mary's death and, and, and, the list goes on. So by the time they figured out (somewhat, I don't think they ever got the full story) what happened to Mary, I think Sam was feeling like he couldn't trust his own judgement, and so he let Dean lead. And that... didn't go well.

So I'm glad that he is starting to question again. He'd started to with Mrs. Butters but then everything seemed fine, but as they found out, he should have heeded his instincts and researched her more. And now this. At the end of last season when the idea of Jack dying/being killed came up he said he wasn't okay with it, and he did run to try to stop Dean, but I feel like there's more assertiveness behind it now. He's not saying "Please don't do this!" he's saying "This is NOT okay! I'm NOT going to accept this! No!"

So, in conclusion: Overall I liked the episode, though for me anyway, most of the emotional weight came from the secret Dean was keeping and then what happened when he finally told Sam. I did however like some of the little moments, like young!Dean's line about "We made a pretty good team." and it's callback to the Pilot episode.

I'm sorry this got a bit rambly. Again.

#spn 15x16 spoilers #spn season 15 spoilers #episode review #my thoughts #tangents: i tend to live in them #sam winchester #dean winchester #young!sam winchester #young!dean winchester #weechesters #teenchesters #keeping secrets #the baba yaga

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deadlyanddelicate · 4 years

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“look what you made me do” 2/? | masterpost

aka: me making taylor swift songs about dean winchester and/or deancas bc it’s what dean himself would want

second song on deck, as promised; this one actually has quite a few cas beats in it, especially at the start, despite it having a dean vibe overall, so it should be interesting. again, bonus fanvid link at the end <3

this is me trying

i've been having a hard time adjusting i had the shiniest wheels, now they're rusting

ok, we start off strong with a couplet that could suit either dean or cas. “the shiniest wheels” is actually a perfectly fitting metaphor for a show that treats cars like emotional avatars of the people who drive them (i could so easily go into a digression about how the same thing happens in trc but this is the wrong post for that... how do i keep finding myself emotionally invested in car-fetishizing media while barely being a can-drive gay myself). ANYWAY, the first thing that comes to mind is the impala and how it’s pretty much synonymous with dean’s sense of self, how it gets wrecked and rebuilt over the course of the show, often tied in to his emotional state. and dean, well. he’s built up a lot of trauma over the years, but he’s also just getting older, as humans do.

on the other hand, we could also see it as a cas line - he’s not as much of a carfucker car aficionado as dean but he’s an adoptive winchester so hey, it still kinda works (rip to the pimpmobile, gone but not forgotten). what i MEAN is -- cas has been slowly falling from grace ever since season 4. he was becoming more human in season 5 already, with a grim prediction of his human future in 5x04; then lived as human for a while in season 7; then became completely human in season 9 before regaining his grace. but in season 15, again, his grace was apparently failing (boy it would be SUCH a shame if that plot point just, like... got dropped... 😐). substitute “wings” for “wheels” and you get a picture of someone who used to be this unstoppable, super-powered angel soldier that demons cowered in fear of, but has slowly become more human over time. as for “a hard time adjusting”... well, cas’ journey towards humanity has not been the easiest transition: it’s come with self-doubt, mental and physical pain, and of course, as he learned about love: heartbreak.

TL;DR: LIFE COMES AT YOU FAST AND THESE GUYS ARE TIRED.

i didn't know if you'd care if i came back; i have a lot of regrets about that

‘kay, this next part is definitely cas. cas who, as i mentioned in the previous post, just keeps leaving, whether that’s because he’s sacrificing himself or taking off on his own. and because that typically goes over like a lead balloon with dean, either because it leaves him grieving and traumatised or it plays right into his abandonment issues (or both - hello purgatory arc!), cas would be tentative about coming back. it’s also very apparent that castiel feels like the winchesters only value him for his abilities and powers (and after all, he’s been created to be a soldier), so if he feels like he’s not being helpful enough, he also tends not to feel wanted (again: dean wants him to stay, but cas wants to be asked to stay). plus, we know every time they’ve had a falling out it takes dean a bit to get over his anger (“dean, i thought i was doing the right thing”; “yeah, you always do”) so i don’t think cas takes his forgiveness for granted, especially if he has lied to him in the process (yes i’m thinking about the mixtape episode). “a lot of regrets”, indeed.

pulled the car off the road to the lookout, could've followed my fears all the way down; and maybe i don't quite know what to say, but i'm here in your doorway.

here, again, the car can easily work as a metaphor for someone’s emotional state. pulling over to take a breather, to try to assess things from a distance; and with lookout points so often being perched on steep hills, it’s easy to imagine the sense of vertigo, your own fear and self-doubt almost pushing you towards dangerous, self-destructive ideas. and we know cas doesn’t do things by halves - when he’s committed to something he believes is right, he goes all out. and yes, that has led to more than one falling out.

but despite that - despite his worst fears telling him he should not come back to dean unless he’s “coming back with a win”, or able to protect him from harm (yes i’m thinking about the mixtape episode AGAIN), he does always come back to him. it’s the one thing that dean can always depend on, castiel finding his way back to him like dean is his true north. i’m here in your doorway; the please take me back once more is implied.

i just wanted you to know that this is me trying i just wanted you to know that this is me trying

(and dean does take him back, because however many times castiel feels that he has failed in his mission, he always comes back and tries again, tries harder, tries to make it right or do it better. and that’s something dean relates to - fucking up in the worst ways and getting beaten down but always getting back up, always starting over, always trying again. in fact, he’s kind of the one who taught cas that. and with that-- we move over to the dean portion of this.)

they told me all of my cages were mental so I got wasted like all my potential

ah, it wouldn’t be a dean pov without some good old fashioned self deprecation. “all of my cages were mental” isn’t 100% accurate in dean’s case because he has been dealt a pretty shit hand by life, but he also excels at self-sabotage. “I got wasted” is of course an allusion to his alcoholism, but then we have the clever play on words with “wasted potential”, which... hits close to home. all dean’s ever done is tried to live up to what he thought he should be, always feeling like he was falling short. never quite the favourite son, never the man his father thought he should be, not strong enough to resist hell, not the righteous sword of michael the angels expected, not good enough for the people he loves not to leave him, just not enough.

and my words shoot to kill when I'm mad i have a lot of regrets about that

...as i said above: though dean does always forgive the people he loves, it still takes him quite a bit to get over his anger at them. and when he’s angry, he lashes out, often saying things that come off cruel, things he absolutely does not mean. and this part reminds me, yet again, of dean’s painful confession in 15x09, about how he gets so angry and doesn’t know why (of course, the answer is trauma and childhood abuse; but he has no way to process that); and he tries to stop it but he can’t, and he always, always regrets it in the end.

i was so ahead of the curve, the curve became a sphere fell behind all my classmates and i ended up here

oh, dean. dean winchester with his ged and his give ‘em hell attitude. he breaks my heart. i touched on this in my previous post, but there’s something to be said for the fact that dean had to grow up so fast, he really didn’t grow at all in some ways ( “so ahead of the curve, the curve became a sphere”). from a young age he was shoved in a parental role, having to be both a father and mother to sam, which meant never getting to exist just for himself. which of course, in turn, means he never got to develop a healthy degree of emotional maturity. in “bad boys”, we find out that the only time dean even got close to being a normal teenager, receiving positive reinforcement by sonny and bonding with his peers, john ripped him right out of that safe haven; and by the time “after school special” is set in, he’s given up on ever getting a shot at a healthy environment, using denial as a coping mechanism by trying to pass off his and sam’s shitty, depressing lives as super edgy and cool.

pourin' out my heart to a stranger but i didn't pour the whiskey i just wanted you to know that this is me trying i just wanted you to know that this is me trying at least i'm trying

i don’t really need to explain this bit i guess, but it’s about the implications of how it can somehow be easier to open up to a complete stranger rather than someone you care about; and how for dean, who is used to frequenting seedy bars and dives, one-night stands are as much about comfort than they are about pleasure. that’s the only way he knows how to let himself be touched, seen, held -- because of course, “no chick flick moments”, and besides, we know that when he falls in love he falls hard, so it’s safer to just roll in and out of town.

the interesting part in this context though, is that “but i didn’t pour the whiskey”, especially since we know dean, like every other winchester, tends to drown out his problems with alcohol; so him choosing to not do that, and instead just look for comfort from a stranger (whether it’s through sex or just chatting away at a bar) is, in itself, a sign of trying to do better. because if there’s one thing dean knows how to do, is trying, and trying, and trying again. in fact, as i mentioned above, it’s kinda where cas learned it too. and we know dean is a stand-in for human nature, so of course, this is also a larger discourse of how humans are flawed and imperfect but can always improve, always do better, always try harder or be more. and maybe that’s what makes a righteous man, really.

and it's hard to be at a party when i feel like an open wound it's hard to be anywhere these days when all i want is you you're a flashback in a film reel on the one screen in my town

this next part... listen. i don’t know how it fits into the narrative of trying, but what i do know is i can’t stop thinking about grieving dean. about how every time he loses cas, a little piece of him dies too, but it’s a piece that gets bigger and bigger every time, carving a hollow inside him. it’s unsightly, it’s unforgiving, it’s raw - it’s like an open wound. and as much as dean has always taken on the role of the person who puts on a brave face, makes a joke, and pushes all his feelings down, well -- it’s hard to that; it’s hard to focus on anything else when he’s missing cas like a phantom limb. “all i want is you” which is to say i’d rather have you, cursed or not; which is to say, i need you. need you badly enough to see your face everywhere after escaping purgatory, just like “a flashback in a film reel”.

and i just wanted you to know that this is me trying (maybe i don't quite know what to say) i just wanted you to know that this is me trying; at least i'm trying.

so, yes. dean is trying. he’s always trying, even though healing and progress are not linear or easy. and he knows he’s got anger issues, he knows he’s bad with his words, but damn it, he always shows up for the people he loves, and he tries to do better, every. damn. time. partly because he’s us, he’s all of us, he’s human perfectibility incarnate; and partly because he loves cas so damn much and maybe if he gets it right this time he’ll get to keep him -- and i don’t know which of the two options makes my heart hurt the most.

---

fanvid rec link here! it’s only for the second half of the song, so the more dean-centric one :)

#spn #dean winchester #castiel #destiel #spn meta #deancas #taylor swift #lyrics #taylor swift x destiel #lwymmd #mp #this is me trying #long post

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the-trashy-phoenix · 3 years

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Supernatural season 7 review (part 1)

Link to part 2:

I think this season was a lot alike the first ones, maybe because of the amount of episodes representing small hunts that have nothing to do with the big plot (as episode 4, about the Egyptian god Osiris, 5, about witches, 7, about ghosts, 12, about the Greek god Cronus, 13, about the Amazons, 14, about Sam’s fear of creepy clowns, 15, about demons and so on), or also because the plot of the season, the Winchesters fighting against the villain of the season, was quite simple. I somehow appreciate the two features, and I will later explain why, but of course at this point of the show it’s kind of unnatural not to focus on bigger storylines.

I find the “single episodes” pretty original, but I can’t help thinking they’re only meant to increase the number of episodes and create at least 20 of them per season, and that the main storyline alone would’ve requested only at most half of them to get completed. I’d understand if the show wasn’t 15 seasons long, and if the authors didn’t force all the main action to take place in the very last episodes.

Season 7 has a quite plain main plot: the villain, Dick Roman (Latins would’ve said “nomen omen”, which means something like “someone’s name’s an omen”), the leader of Leviathans, plans to conquer the world by drugging and killing people through the food produced in his factories. It is clear that Sam and Dean have to stop him. As I was saying, for someone who’s used to complex plots, this season might result a bit boring, but for me it was even relaxing not having to keep too many details in mind.

Two of the main themes of the season are introduced already in the first episode, Leviathans, which are contained in Castiel’s body and are destined to come out and spread death, and Sam’s hallucinations, which will accompany him for a long time.

I just mentioned Leviathans, new creatures that appear right from Purgatory thanks to Castiel. We’ve left him at the end of season 6 and we meet him again as an arrogant and vengeful God. I found it quite strange that Castiel had become so mean, and even the Winchesters can’t understand his behaviour. It is kind of a lesson of how power can change people, but still at some point I found it incoherent with Cas’ personality, as he has always been so humble and kind to every human, especially to Sam and Dean, and as he suddenly asks for their forgiveness.

When Leviathans take over, Cas dies. It is a very painful moment, as every time someone dies through Supernatural, but it is as if the brothers are sorrowfully getting used to losing people and have so many problems to solve at the same time they don’t have any more mental energy to devote to process grief. They always carry an unbearable burden they never have time to mindfully focus on and that makes them so frustrated they’re often almost to the point of exploding.

This time Cas’ death is the least of their problems, as Leviathans are starting to kill and eat people at a hospital, and in addition they are invincible with the Winchesters’ usual weapons, and Lucifer is trying to take over Sam’s mind. We immediately get to know that Sam’s mental wall is broken, so that Lucifer can torment and play him. It is like Sammy can’t have rest from his demonic side and can’t get rid of it: Lucifer provides him with increasing hallucinations and pain. Dean and Bobby are really worried about him, but they have no clue on how to cure Sam, as it happens most of the time when one of the brothers is “supernaturally ill”.

However, despite all the odds they’ve been and are going through, Sam and Dean finally seem to be happy and comfortable with each other, but their dynamics get complicated in the third episode, when Dean kills Amy, a monster who’s Sam’s friend and has proven trustworthy, of course without telling his brother. The brothers’ relationship is a seesaw of continuous positive and negative moments, and when one of them does something like this I really doubt they’ve been able to build a solid bond based on trust. That is their biggest problem which keeps on coming out without ever being resolved: the typical pattern is that one of them does something he doesn’t want the other to know and the lie goes on until the truth is invariably revealed leading to endless fights (until one of them is severely ill or dead). Sam, Dean, don’t you see that’s how things always go? Wouldn’t it be easier and better and healthier for your relationship to always tell the truth, even if it hurts, because hiding it and knowing it later is by far more painful and problematic? I wonder if they’ll ever understand that, considering that, as they’re approximately the two of them alone against the entire world, it is stupid to keep on lying to each other.

Meanwhile, Bobby studies a Leviathan to find a way to kill him and Sam and Dean meet Frank, a weird old friend of Bobby’s who helps them create new identities, because two Leviathans in the shape of Sam and Dean are committing crimes all over the country. Finally Bobby and the brothers find out that the monsters aren’t as invincible as they seemed to be at first, because they can be slowed down by cutting their head or by burning them with some chemicals.

The mid-turning point of the season is episode 9: the three find out about Dick Roman and his plans, which they try to stop by entering into one of his food factories, where Bobby is captured. I wasn’t worried at all about that, because the Winchesters and Bobby always go through difficult situations, and that one wasn’t surely worse than other times. That’s why Bobby’s death occurred so unexpectedly and hurt a lot more than all the others in Supernatural. An entire episode, the tenth, is devoted to the exploration of Bobby’s mind in his last moments of life, where he’s accompanied by Rufus through his happiest memories. We have an extraordinary view of Bobby’s existence, with his parents and his wife, and of course the brothers. Even in this highly pathetic moment we experience Bobby’s deep bond with his adopted children: he spends his last breath and forces to communicate a fundamental information he’s discovered to defeat Dick. This was really the solemn ending moment, as if the ultimate meaning of Bobby’s life was giving everything, his knowledge, his love and his life, to Sam and Dean, having been loyal to them since forever. As you may see, Bobby’s death really broke my heart: I thought of him as a nearly immortal character, who would have been by the brothers’ side until the end. As it was predictable, this event has massive consequences to the plot and particularly to the Winchesters (by the way, it is extremely meaningful that they seem to be much more scattered than when John died). They face their grief the only way they know, working cases and gathering information on Dick to avenge Bobby. Unfortunately, they lose another precious ally on their way: as a matter of fact Frank gets killed by Leviathans, which was sad both because he had helped a lot Dean in tracking Dick and because he was quite fun and a nice presence in the season.

As if all that trouble wasn’t enough, Sam’s visions of Lucifer become more and more frequent and painful, while Dean can’t find a way to help him. The brothers have to face everything at the same time: the fight against Dick, Bobby’s death and Sam’s mental instability, which is destroying him and Dean at the same time, as what happens to one of them affects even more painfully the other. In addition, another worry comes out: Dean finds out Castiel is alive and has lost all his memories about who he is and what he has done. Dean at first can’t really forgive him, but when Cas gets to have his memories back, he can’t resist his stubborn hate toward his “friend” and finally decides to erase God-Cas parenthesis, also because the angel is so guilty he offers himself to take over Sam’s hallucinations. It is a noble sacrifice which allows the brothers to go back to hunting Dick and establish a new degree of friendship and trust between team free will, after the painful moment of Cas’ death. I think both getting rid of Lucifer and gaining back Castiel give the brothers the hope they need to succeed in defeating Dick, after the previous single episodes of impasse.

In the ending episodes another surprise awaits Sam and Dean: Bobby, as a ghost, manages to communicate with them and makes himself visible, giving start to a weird dynamic where he still helps the brothers as he did when he was alive, but using his ghost powers. This situation leaves in the protagonists and in the viewer a sense of bitter illusion, as everyone knows it can’t end well, as Bobby’s destined to become a vengeful spirit, like any other ghost, and when the moment comes they would have to kill him again, and, doing so, renewing their pain. This kind of “second death” was quite sadistic, but still I appreciated Bobby’s comeback as it was right to give more space to such an important character and explore the afterlife from a different point of view. From the first time we profoundly feel ghosts’ frustration of being isolated from living people and we can easily put ourselves in their shoes, as they’re no more depicted merely as a cruel monster.

I think this process could be included in the new connotation of supernatural creatures that emerges from these seasons on: the absolute dichotomy good-evil which imposes that monsters can only be bad is a bit more flexible (and along with it, also the Winchesters become more and more open minded) and gives space to complex characters and personalities which can’t be defined univocally. The best example of this change of tone is Meg. I really appreciated the growth of the character from season 1, where she seems to be an ordinary demon, to seasons 6 and 7, where she’s developed as a proper round character, an outsider from both demonic and human worlds: here she keeps helping the Winchesters, presenting herself as a good ally against Dick and Crowley and at same time preserving her typical bad bitch attitude. She leaves us a striking message, volunteering to look after Castiel at the hospital while the boys are busy fighting Dick: the strict first seasons determinism is definitely gone, also demons can make decisions using their free will and change the order of things, fighting side to side with the good guys. This kind of sympathy for the brothers can be noticed also in Crowley at some point, as he helps them with the spell to defeat Leviathans, but of course there’s no doubt his only interest is to use Sam and Dean to fight a common enemy.

Moreover, season 7, marked by many painful deaths, is certainly also productive of new characters destined to become permanent for some time. Besides two appearances of Jody, one of the rare positive and strong female figures of the show, who is now occasionally helping the brothers in their hunts, and one of Becky, which gives us one of the funniest episodes of the season, where she makes Sam falling in love with her thanks to a potion and marries him, three new important characters are presented.

First of all Garth, a weird and clumsy hunter, helps Dean in episode 8 (while Sam is married to Becky): after the initial skepticism, he becomes one of their most trusted friends. I find the relationship between Garth and the boys so cute, as they kind of protect him by teaching him what they know about monsters and in return he tries very hard to be accepted in their team and to do whatever he can to help them.

At the end of the season we meet another young male character, Kevin, a normal kid who studies and has dreams about his career, but gets absorbed by the supernatural world as he is chosen as a prophet of the Lord. His skill is to be able to read some tablets containing the Word of God and fundamental knowledge about angels, demons and other creatures (thanks to one of those tablets Sam and Dean get to know how to kill Leviathans). Kevin is such a lovely guy, at first really confused, as every human would be in his situation, and as well hopeful that the nightmare he finds himself into without having a choice would end quickly. We know, as well as the Winchesters, that things like this never end and once you’re trapped in the supernatural world it is forever, and that’s why we feel pitiful and protective towards Kevin. Seen from Sam and Dean’s perspective, he’s another innocent person they have to look after and feel guilty for even if nothing about it is their fault. Kevin is one of those characters that make one doubt about the real existence of free will and self determination, especially for someone who’s devoted to high purposes in the economy of the show.

Last but not least, the end of season 7 sees the appearance of one of the undoubtedly best characters in Supernatural, Charlie. She becomes a fundamental part of the plan of defeating Dick thanks to her great computer skills, but, more importantly, she quickly becomes Sam and Dean’s friend and one of their best allies in some of their hunts. I really loved her as a character and in her interactions with the brothers, as from the very beginning they seem to see her as their little sister. She also brings into the show a small (but still great and quite unexpected) insight on the lgbt community, being overtly lesbian. I loved how Dean in particular was at ease knowing this information, and the fact that the authors seem to get more in step with the times, as the ideas of slight misogyny and toxic masculinity and heterosexuality of the first seasons can’t fit anymore in recent years. It is so interesting to see how the show grows in time through its characters and their complex psychology and personality, even if there’s still a long road ahead in terms of equality and representation.

I have the feeling that this season goes through three changes in mood, the first half (and a bit more) being quite problematic and full of sad events and the last part presenting some positive characters who guarantee hope for the finale. The last episode is a mixture of the two sides, as Dick is happily defeated, but his death has a price: Dean and Cas are sent directly to Purgatory with Leviathans. So the episode ends with our favourite couple having to deal with the third mysterious realm of afterlife (we’ve already been to both Heaven and Hell) and its dangerous monsters.

- Irene 💕

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found--family · 4 years

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watchnotes for 15x16:

🎶 ..If I didn't care more than words can say.. If I didn't care, would I feel this way? If this isn't love then why do I thrill? And what makes my head go 'round and 'round.. While my heart stands still?.. 🎶

Rooster's Sunrise motel 🐓 *rubs hands together for impending meta*

Travis kinda reminds me of Dean 🥃

looking forward to the meta on Gwen's wardrobe.. 👀

no other show does funky-fugly motel chic like SPN does 😂

*HEAVY SIGH* yet another Cas-absent episode w. lazy 'splainer writing 🙄 Sam thinking that Cas just "bailed" is OOC + Dean's "Cas just being Cas" like.. REALLY?!? they've done this scene a dozen times over the years and it always grates on my sanity 🤬

HOWEVER: i can buy Dean wanting to keep The Thing™ a secret for now (as long as we get hints at his reasoning) + *delighted squeal!* Dean checking the text from the Cas mid-drive 😅 Cas wants Sam to know, it seems. i hope Sam finds out by the end of the ep 🤞

what IS on your Bucket List, Dean? 👂

KID!CHESTERS! 😍 (wardrobe!meta = 🙏)

kid!Sam looking @ college stuff, he just wants to be normal 😭💔

reminded how much i love the fact kid!Sam had an "imaginary" friend that turned out to be a Supe #ZannaAreFriends 🤗

Kid!Dean projecting onto kid!Sam 🥺

🎶 it's THE SCORE™ 🎶

kid!Dean knowing how to hack a 90s vending machine 🍫😎

so the MoTW takes on the visage of its victims?

facing one's fears in order to heal #Relevant

monster grabbing a kid trying to steal candy.. hmm..

kid!Chesters working the case w. other kids 👏 why didn't we have this content year's ago??

"You've changed, Dean" .. and not in a good way 😖 (reminds of Billie 13x05)

it's an interesting ep so far: the case being mostly in flashbacks w. older!Dean not believing in a present-day-monster. i think they've done something similar a few times but not exactly.

"This ain't the friggin' Goonies" and yet..

"Let's Boggle™" 😅

kid!Dean being nervous + posturing on a hunt *nods solemnly*

107 (room key) x 2 = 214 (room) 🔑🤔

Dean being confronted by his dead kid (monster) self 👏

also: that camera move where Dean seems to shrink as he goes to his knees + kid!Dean looms over him.. 🎥🏆

is it a revenge-killing thing?

this is the 3rd episode in a row w. focus on Fingers 🖐️

Second Chances™

*Jack's* neon sign in the bar over Dean's shoulder as they discuss a case w. dead kids 💡

way to scar kid!Dean on his first unsupervised hunt, but it's insightful: the Worst/Scariest Thing™ wasn't the monster itself but what it did, the sight of the damage done 😢

kid!Dean "shoved it down the ol' memory hole" and "had nightmares about that [dead kids] for the longest time" reminds us of what Sam said in 15x14 about how "ignoring your trauma doesn't make you healthy" 😔

kid!Dean keeping the visual horror to himself to protect kid!Sam 😭

SAM: We used to keep a lot secrets from each other. DEAN: 😳 (Jack)

BILLIE! comin' in w. sound logic #Priorities? 📋

another Star Wars ref by Dean for compilation gifsets 🙃🛸

UHOH 🌎 Chuck's done deleting other worlds + shit's about to hit the fan

Billie lays it out plain (i love her): Jack chose self-sacrifice for Dean's freedom + hopefully forgiveness; even if Cas finds A Better Way™ to defeat Chuck, Jack would probably refuse. Dean's anger is playing a big role this season. 👀

Sam reflects on Normality™, how his wants/view changed since childhood because they help people.

can't help but see Billie as being on Destiny's side ie. somewhat The Enemy whose plans never quite work out: the Soul Bomb™ in s11, Ma'lak Box in s14, even Rowena's "death" saw her survive in a way. She speaks of adhering to Chuck's Book™ ie. what is already written/fate, reminding us of Writer!Chuck/the absence of Free Will 🤔

Dean is willing to let Jack sacrifice himself ☹️ which is why he hasn't told Sam ☹️ because he knows Sam would want to help Cas find A Better Way™ (which is the synopsis for 15x17!!!) 👀

DEAN: I want Chuck dead, I need him dead. (he's being selfish because it's personal, letting his anger drive him. If TFW 2.0 is going to win Dean will have to deal w. his anger before then). 😠

another Ring for season 15 💍 and more heart/power symbology ❤️

LoTR ref from Dean 👏

Gwen + her bong in the store room 😂

"You have changed, Dean." .. in a good way; being truthful about being scared 💗 not that he thinks it's a good thing, but Caitlin does: "What do they say about getting older? You tell the truth more because you know that lies don't make anything better." (i think we all know where this is leading..) 👀

hug Hello + Goodbye; platonic, despite kid!Dean initially crushing on Caitlin. Trauma + truth overshadows things. 👤

kid!Dean being truthful w. kid!Sam in the end (not about the horrors of the hunt but about Life™: he "doesn't know" about Sam+college but he no longer shuts the idea down; says they make a good team in any case) 👨‍👦‍👦

Dean comes clean to Sam - rather than him finding out from Cas that he's been lying - about Jack and the fact Cas told him, not Billie. It's A Good Thing™. #CharacterGrowth 🌱

.. what's not a good thing is the resulting argument shining a light on #AngryDean not caring about the Ethics™ of Billie's plan (hello callback to season 6 Castiel) and saying they "don't get a choice" #WhatHappenedToTeamFreeWill ??? 😧

Sam lashing out @ Dean = YES. GO SAM GO. 😡 ... 🥺

BONUS: 15x17 promo has Dean + Jack working together! 👏

#spn 15x16 #watchnotes #somewhat salty #mia castiel #15x16 #thoughts #s15

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xwaywardhuntress · 5 years

Text

One Hell Of A Dream

Summary: Dean ends up in a coma after a hunt gone wrong. Sam calls Y/N for help. Y/N and Dean were best friends till they had a falling out, but she may be his only hope.

Pairings: Dean x reader

Warnings: Language, Not much Dean in the beginning

Word Count: 4900+

Disclaimer: I do not own Supernatural. This is fanfiction only. Please do not redistribute my writings on other sites, horrible or not. Thanks!

“What the fuck do you want?” You answered your phone after it had been ringing non-stop for the past hour, waking you up.

“Y/N? Finally, you pick up. It’s Sam. Sam Winchester.” The other voice on the line greeted.

You rubbed your eyes as you looked at the clock on the nightstand of the motel room that read 6:36 am. You had just finished up a ghost case in California and would be heading out for another case in Colorado after you got to sleep in. Unfortunately, it seemed that fate was not in your favor with this early morning call. “Sam? Why are you calling me so damn early in the morning?!”

“Early? It’s 8:36am where I’m at. And I know you usually don’t sleep past 8am. Where are you?” The younger Winchester asked.

“California.”

“Oh, so you’re two hours behind. Sorry about that.” He apologized as you imagined his embarrassed look from not considering that maybe you were in a different time zone.

You sat up on the motel bed, “Well, I’m awake now. Why are you calling?”

There was a pause on the other end of the line. A pause that worried you as you waited. As you were about to repeat your question to Sam, he finally spoke. “It’s Dean.”

Now, it was your turn for silence on your end. The last time you had been in the same room as the older Winchester, you went from best friends to acquaintances all in one night. You had developed feelings for Dean over the years that you knew the Winchesters. Before the recent 6 months, you had been hunting with them. You and Dean got along really well, sharing the same interests. And then there was Sam, who was like a little brother to you as you were one year older than him.

Since that one night, you had walked out on them and resumed to hunt alone. You would text Sam at least once a month to let him know you were still alive, while also still confirming that the brothers were alive too, even if you were at odds with the older one. You knew eventually that you would cross paths with them again or that the destined phone call from Sam about Dean playing some kind of sacrificing martyr would come one day.

“Y/N? Are you still there?” Sam asked as you left him with silence. “Look, I know something big happened between you two that one night that caused you to leave. I never took sides, although I bet Dean had said something he regretted after. But I’m calling you now because I think you’re the only one that can help me.” His voice had lowered on his end, with a tone of desperation.

This was it, you thought. He was calling because Dean was about to do something stupid where he would sacrifice himself and Sam somehow thought you’d be the savior that Dean needed. You took a deep breath in and released it as you answered. “I’m still here. What happened, Sam?”

“Dean’s refusing to wake up. We were hunting a djinn and Dean played the bait. I was against it and of course, he didn’t listen and got himself captured. I killed the djinn and got to him and the others that were captured as well. I got them all out. Cas already healed him, but like I said before, he is refusing to wake up.” Sam explained.

“He must be having one hell of a dream then.” You commented without thinking. You didn’t mean to sound sarcastic, but anything related to Dean left a bitter taste in your mouth. “Sorry…” You apologized to Sam quickly after. In his explanation, you had heard almost a hint of defeat. The younger Winchester really feared that Dean preferred the dream world to the real world. In a way, this made you interested in this dream world Dean seemed to want to stay in. You couldn’t help but think that maybe it was filled with a ton of strippers or unlimited pie. You sighed in defeat as you knew you couldn’t say no to Sam. “Alright, where are you guys now?”

“We’re back at the bunker. Cas can come get you.” Sam answered with a sigh of relief. “We don’t know how long his body will want to stay alive if he isn’t even fighting to come back to the real world and…”

You interrupted Sam, “I get it. You need me there now. Sure, send the angel.”

“Thank you, Y/N. I owe you big. See you soon.” The younger Winchester said before hanging up.

The moment he hung up, Castiel appeared at your bedside. After quickly gathering your belongings, the angel in a trench coat brought you back in the bunker in a blink of an eye.

Immediately Sam went for a hug. “Thanks for coming…” He pulled away from the hug. “When we wake up my stubborn brother, you can leave if you’re not ready to face him yet. I’ll understand. But I think you being here will help a lot.”

“I doubt it.” You mumbled to yourself, which Sam caught and frowned. “Sorry.” You apologized again. “No offense, you’re brother hasn’t once reached out to me since I left. So let me be clear and say, I’m here to help you, not him.”

“Fair enough.” Sam sympathetically smiled.

“So what’s the plan?” You asked, getting straight to business.

Sam led you to the room him and Cas had placed Dean in as he explained they would be using African dream root to enter Dean’s dream with the help of Castiel. It sounded like a simple plan, but when was anything ever simple with the Winchesters?

While Sam prepared the African dream root for drinking, you waited in a chair that was next to Dean. You couldn’t help yourself as you took in the older Winchester’s features. For the six month that had passed since your fight, Dean had looked much more tired than from what you remembered, despite currently sleeping and dreaming.

“He’s missed you.” Castiel spoke up from behind you.

You turned to look back at the angel with a sad smile. “If he missed me, he would’ve came after me. It wasn’t like I was trying not to be found.”

Castiel took what would be Sam’s chair, as he sat next to you. “He’s regretted those words every day since you left and doesn’t believe he can be forgiven for them. That’s why he hasn’t gone after you.” The angel shared.

You looked back at Dean dreaming as you remembered the words he said to you that made you decide you would leave. “It’s your fault they’re dead! And eventually you’ll get Sammy and I killed too!”

Before you could think further back into that fateful night, Sam came walking in with two cups in his hands. He handed you one and then took the seat Cas had been on previously. Cas stood in front of the both of you. “I will link you both to Dean’s mind. However, it will be up to you two only to find him and get him to wake up. His mind has fought me when I tried to enter it alone earlier. I will be fighting it to keep the link so I can pull you out once he is ready to come back.”

You nodded your head as you brought the cup to your lips and took Sam’s hand in your other. Taking a look over at Sam, you noticed he was going for a cheer. You held the cup away from your mouth and in the air, “To sweet dreams.” You commented as Sam nodded his head with a chuckle, finding this type of sarcasm a bit more refreshing. Both of you drank all of the dream root and you were sad to say that it was still disgusting. Placing the empty cups on the floor, Castiel placed two fingers on your forehead and then two on Dean’s and then there was darkness.

You awoke to slight shaking. It was Sam. “Hey Y/N, you good?”

You stood up with the help of the younger Winchester as you took in your surroundings of nothing. Around you two was just darkness. “Is this Dean’s mind?” You asked aloud.

“Yeah. Think so.” Sam answered, looking around as well…for anything.

“It’s empty?” You asked the obvious question. “I don’t get it. Where is he? Is he not dreaming?”

“He doesn’t want to let us in.” Castiel appeared behind both you and Sam, causing you to jump a little. The angel continued, “I’m trying to find a way in, but he’s built strong walls to block outsiders. Perhaps you both can try calling out to him.”

“Dean! Come on! Let us in! It’s me, your brother. Y/N is here with me too!” Sam began yelling, taking Cas’s suggestion.

You, on the other hand, curled your hands into fists along your side. Of course, Dean Winchester would build up a literal dream wall to keep outsiders out. He was one stubborn asshole that you were beginning to get irritated with. First, he says the one thing he knows will hurt you the most that would cause you to leave. Second, he doesn’t come after you because he felt he didn’t deserve your forgiveness. Let’s be real, despite what he said, if he had come after you, you two would’ve probably been back to being best friends. And now, lastly, he was choosing a stupid dream over reality where he’d be abandoning his brother, Castiel and even you. He wasn’t just a stubborn asshole, he was also a…”SELFISH SON OF A BITCH!” You yelled aloud.

Sam and Cas looked over to you with wide eyes, surprised by your outburst.

You couldn’t help but continue to yell, “That’s right, you heard me Dean! You’re selfish for pushing me away with words you knew would work! You’re selfish for thinking you can’t receive forgiveness! You’re selfish for wanting to run away from the real world problems and stay in whatever stupid dream you’ve conjured up! Damn it, you better let us in! I still care for you, you selfish asshole!”

And then a light appeared ahead of you.

“That’s the opening. He’s letting you guys in. Go!” Castiel yelled as Sam ran past you before you followed after him.

When you had reached the light, you both were blinded before the scenery around you changed from complete nothing to a street with houses along each side.

“So is this the dream now?” You asked as you both began walking down the street.

“I would say so.” Sam answered, a bit weird out.

Well, this was just icing on the cake. As you looked at each house you both walked by, they all had a white picket fence. From the late-night talks you’d have with Dean before, you knew a part of him desired the apple pie life and the details of how it would look. You felt a stab at your heart. If this dream was his apple pie life, that would mean kids and being married to someone you always told yourself wouldn’t be you.

Sam broke your thoughts, “All of these houses look pretty much the same. I’m not sure how to tell which one Dean is in. Maybe if the Impala was parked in front of one, but none have it. This probably is another one of Dean’s way to hide himself in the dream.”

“I guess we treat it as a case? Pretend to be part of some neighborhood security and knock on each door?” You suggested as you both stopped walking.

“Alright, which one do we start with?” Sam asked, agreeing to your idea.

You looked around when you spotted a little boy staring at you and Sam. “Uh, Sam? Maybe let’s start there?”

Sam looked over at the boy staring at you both. He agreed the boy could be a starting point and began walking over to him.

As the both of you got closer, you both couldn’t help but feel a familiarity with the little boy.

“Hi there. We’re new to the neighborhood. Are your parents’ home?” You smiled, squatting to the boy’s height, asking politely.

The little boy shook his head, “No, but you’re pretty like my mommy.”

The compliment took you back a little as you thanked him.

Sam squatted down next to you, with a soft smile. “Are you home alone then?”

“No, my baby sister is inside. Mommy and Daddy had to leave fast to the hospital. I was told to wait for Uncle Moose.” The little blonde boy responded.

“Uncle Moose, huh?” You rose a brow as you looked at Sam eyeing him. You then turned to the little boy, “Would it be okay if we wait with you then till your Uncle Moose shows up?”

“Okay! I like you both! I want to show you my car collection! Come on!” The little boy yelled excitedly as he ran back into the house.

You and Sam stood back up and began walking towards the house. It was Sam who spoke first, “That’s definitely Dean’s kid.”

“Mmm.” That was all you could say. You’d finally be witnessing the apple pie life that Dean had wanted.

As you both entered the house, you both found the interior to be aesthetically decorated. You could see what Dean’s touch was, but everything else was most likely his wife’s idea. You couldn’t help but like his dream wife’s style. It was pretty similar to yours, honestly.

Before you had a chance to continue to explore, the little boy came back running to you with a toy car, an impala. “This one is my favorite! My daddy has a big one in the garage!” The little boy excitedly share.

You and Sam instantly looked at each other as it was pretty much confirmed to be Dean’s house. As you were about to reply to the little boy, a little girl appeared behind him, rubbing her eyes. “Jay…is mommy and daddy back?” And then the little girl looked up at you. The instant you both locked eyes, it was like looking into a mirror, if you were about 4 years old. The main difference was in the eye color, they were emerald.

Jay turned around to face his sister. “No Mary, but I met these people outside waiting for Uncle Moose. They said they’d wait with us.”

Immediately you and Sam looked at each other again. You could tell from his look that he was probably thinking the same thing. The little girl named Mary looked like a smaller version of you.

“I’m hungry.” Mary yawned.

The little boy Jay, went over to his baby sister, grabbing her hand. “Daddy said there are leftover mac and cheese. Come on.”

You and Sam followed the two kids as you watched the boy reheat and serve his sister the mac and cheese. You couldn’t help yourself but walk over, “Do you need help with anything, Jay?”

The little boy looked over at you with a smile. “I got it. Thank you. And only Mary calls me Jay. My name is John.”

The moment the little boy shared his name, the front door was heard opening as a familiar voice yelled out for John and Mary. It was Sam’s voice.

“Uncle Moose!” Both of the kids excitedly yelled as they ran towards their uncle.

You and Sam looked at each other, debating if you should show yourselves or get out of there. Before you could decide, John had been leading Uncle Moose to the kitchen, where you all had been at.

The moment Uncle Moose saw you two, he immediately pulled the kids behind him, telling John to call his father and take his sister upstairs. Uncle Moose was Sam, just as you both had thought.

“Who the hell are you two?!? Shapeshifters? I thought we got rid of you all.” Uncle Moose accused.

You and Sam both held your hands up in the air. “We’re not shapeshifters. We’re not any kind of monsters.” You tried explaining.

“Then get out of here. You don’t belong here.” The older- looking Sam ordered.

“No. We’re here to see Dean.” Sam counter-replied.

“Dean doesn’t want to see you two. He has me, his wife and his kids. He’s happy here.” The other Sam shared. “Don’t you want him to be happy?”

“Not like this. It isn’t real.” You joined in the conversation.

“It’s real enough.” The other Sam said before he waved his hand at you causing the both of you to fly out of the house and out on the streets.

You watched as the door to the house slammed shut. “Perfect. Another defense mechanism of Dean’s?”

“Yeah, probably.” Sam said as he got up. “At least Dean will come to us now.”

You looked over at Sam with a questioning look. “And why do you say that?”

“You heard the other Sam. He told little John to call his father and knowing Dean, he’ll head straight back here to check on his family.” Sam explained as he began looking around for a good stakeout spot to wait for his brother to come. “Till he comes, we hide and wait.” He began walking to one of the neighbor’s house.

You followed after him, “Are we breaking into one of the neighbor’s house?”

“Just the side backyard.” He said as he hopped the neighbor’s fence.

Hopping the fence too, you joined Sam on the other side. He nudged you and pointed to two very convenient peepholes through the fence.

“And now we wait.” Sam announced.

Sam was right. About 30 minutes later Dean had shown up driving a truck. He parked it on the driveway of his house as he ran out and into the house.

“Soooo, is that our queue to go?” You asked looking over at Sam.

Sam seemed to be thinking about something before he spoke. “You go.”

“What? What about you?” You questioned, not liking how this plan was starting at all.

“I can’t. I’m already there, technically.” Sam answered as if it was the obvious answer.

You gave the younger Winchester a look asking if he was serious right now.

“Y/N, I’m serious. You should go, if you need to, play along with it.” Sam suggested.

You rolled your eyes, you knew exactly what Sam was implying. After seeing those kids, especially the little girl by the name of Mary, the odds of you being their mother was really high. Yet, you were still denying that idea. “Sam, little John said his parents went to the hospital and then only Dean came back. I can’t show up out of the blue and pretend to be…well you know. For all we know, the version of me here could be dying or dead already. Their mom could be someone else!”

Now it was Sam’s turn to give you a look asking if you were serious. “Y/N, you think Dean would really dream of you dead or dying? Maybe in a nightmare, but this definitely doesn’t seem like that.”

You crossed your arms. “I don’t like this plan. I’m not going by myself. End of story.”

Sam let out a sigh, knowing once you made your mind up on something there wasn’t changing it. And so he began to think of another plan.

While looking back through the peephole, an idea hit you as you stared at the truck. You turned around to face Sam. “I have an idea.” You grinned.

“Scoot over.” Sam whispered as he tried readjusting his body around to face you.

“Quit moving so much, we’ll get caught if you don’t stop.” You argued back in a whisper.

Sam huffed as silent as he could, “I can’t believe I went along with this.”

“Yeah, well better than your plan.” You commented.

The two of you made your way to the trunk of the truck. Luckily, Dean had a tarp covering the trunk which gave you both perfect cover as long as Sam stopped wiggling around. Your plan was to wait till Dean left the house again, leaving him alone, and then at some point, you both would pop out. It was a work in progress plan, honestly.

“How long do we have to wait?” Sam asked, still wiggling to get comfortable.

“Sam, come on. Dean will probably check around the house, salt the perimeter around the house, and then head back to the hospital where his wife is to check on her and make sure us, the monsters, aren’t there after her.” You explained.

Before Sam could get another word out, he froze as he heard Dean’s voice along with his own talking.

“I’m heading back to the hospital to check on her, make sure those shapeshifters didn’t go there.” Dean spoke as he opened the door to his truck with the sounds of throwing a bag in.

You and Sam were facing each other while hiding. You smirked at Dean’s comment, proving your theory was right on the spot. Sam just rolled his eyes.

“Alright, I’ve got John and Mary taken care of. Keep me updated on Y/N’s condition too.” The other Sam, Uncle Moose, shared.

Your eyes grew wide as Sam had the smirk on his face this time. The younger Winchester mouthed ‘told you so’. If you could, you would’ve wiped that stupid smirk off of Sam’s face. You were still in denial as you thought maybe you just happened to be in the same hospital where Dean took his wife too. That’s all.

“Got it. Call me if they come back.” Dean responded as he got into the truck.

You and Sam felt the truck turn on as you felt it begin to move. Now, you had to decide the best time to show yourselves.

Luckily the drive was windy, so you and Sam were able to talk quietly. You had come to the conclusion that it was best to get out once Dean stopped as you didn’t want him to get into an accident.

When the car came to a stop, you and Sam both heard Dean bolt out of the truck. You threw the tarp cover off of you as you sat up and watched Dean quickly make his way into the hospital. Sam sat up next to you. “I guess we go in the hospital now.” The long-haired Winchester commented.

As both of you got out of the truck and entered the hospital, Sam decided to ask for where the Winchesters were as he shared he was the brother in law. He technically was. Once he was told the room, you both made your way towards it. After arriving on the second floor where the room was located on, you pulled Sam off to the side. “We need a plan. You know Dean probably set a trap if we, the monsters, tried to go after his wife.”

“Yeah, you’re right. But that would only mean some kind of silver and we’re not shapeshifters, so it won’t hurt us.” Sam mentioned.

“That doesn’t mean he won’t attack first and ask questions later. And I’d rather not get a physical beating from him.” You looked up at Sam as he realized you were right about Dean.

“So what do we do?” Sam asked.

If you knew Dean like you thought you did, family was his weakness and there was currently only one family member in this hospital that counted. His wife. You let out a breath, knowing that you would sound crazy for even suggesting what you were thinking. “We use his wife against him.”

Sam frowned at the idea, but he knew you were right. Dean’s one weakness would always be his family. And if they wanted to avoid a confrontation and get to talk with him, threatening the life of one of his family members would be the way.

The plan would be for Sam to get Dean’s attention and away from his wife, then Y/N would sneak into the room and hold his wife hostage. Then Sam would need a way to get him back to the room, preferably not getting caught.

As the plan went into motion, Dean did end up following after Sam. Once he ran out of the room, you snuck your way into the room that held Mrs. Winchester. A part of you felt anxious as this was the moment you’d finally get to meet Dean’s dream wife.

Deep inside, you knew. Everything pointed to what you knew. You didn’t want to believe it though. As you stepped closer to the woman in question, your eyes widened, but not surprised. It was you. A more soccer mom looking you, but it was you nonetheless.

As you stepped closer to take a better look at yourself, you noticed all the wires connected to your vitals. The dream version of you was passed out and the scariest thing about your dream self’s appearance was that you had a breathing tube going into your mouth. Something had happened to this dream version of yourself. And here you thought this wasn’t supposed to be a nightmare?

Many questions flew into your mind. How did you two get together in this dream? Did you guys set aside hunting to raise a family? What was the wedding like?

Lost in questions, the bang of the door opening brought you out of your thoughts. It was Dean. He looked surprised at first till he remembered about the shapeshifters his dream brother told him about that came in contact with his dream kids…and now his dream wife.

You quickly took action as you made your way near the breathing tube’s computer. Your hand hovered over a big red button, which you assumed would turn off the breathing tube.

Dean kept his gun aimed at you, “Get away from her!”

“Dean, please don’t make me kill myself. I just need you to listen.” You pleaded as you brought your hand closer to the red button.

Dean's eyes widened as he glanced at his wife then back at you and where you stood, confirming that this red button was definitely important.

Sam appeared at the door as Dean turned to face the gun towards him.

“Hey! He’s not the one with his hand over the button to turn the machine keeping your wife alive.” You yelled at Dean.

Dean turned back to face you, the gun aiming at you now.

Sam had walked into the room and closed the door behind him. “We just want to talk Dean. That’s all.” The long-haired hunter shared with his hands in the air.

At first, Dean couldn’t decide who to point the gun at. As Sam stayed standing by the door unmoving, the older Winchester turned his attention to you. “Alright, talk. Just please, don’t press that button.” He said as he lowered his gun.

You looked over at Sam who nodded at you and then looked at the other you in the hospital bed, confirming what he had thought all along. You took your hand away from the red button but still stood by it. You had no intention of killing your dream self, but Dean didn’t know that.

“Dean, this isn’t real.” You started. “That’s not me. I’m me. And that’s the real Sam, not that other guy back at your non-existing house.”

Dean scoffed, “I know what’s real. And this is.”

“No, it’s not. Don’t you remember we were hunting a djinn?” Sam stepped in.

“I haven’t hunted anything in a long time until you two shapeshifters showed up impersonating my family.” Dean answered.

“This is a dream, Dean. You’re still under the djinn’s influence because you want to be.” Sam tried reasoning.

As if remember something, Dean shook his head. “No, if we were hunting a djinn, then she wouldn’t be here.” He looked over at you. “I made sure of that before.” His eyes locked onto yours.

You could see regret in his eyes as you stared back at him. You didn’t know what to say because it was true. He knew what he said would cause you to leave and he had just confirmed his intention of that night.

“Y/N, say something.” Sam urged you to speak.

What would you even say? You knew Dean wouldn’t accept a silly answer that you came to help him, even with the idea of his brother pleading.

“See. She’s got nothing to say because she would never come back. Not after what I said.” Dean shook his head, looking down.

Sam had never wanted to pry, but maybe now was the time, “What did you say to her, Dean?”

“It was my fault they’re dead. And eventually I’ll get you two killed too.” You spoke softly. Those weren’t the exact words, but Sam got the idea of how they were thrown at her.

“Y/N, you know he didn’t mean it. He cares about you! Tell her, Dean!” Sam yelled at his brother.

Dean avoided looking at you as he didn’t answer Sam.

“It’s okay Sam. He was right. I got my family killed the night they died. If I hadn’t snuck out to meet with a stupid boy, they all could’ve been alive now. It was my fault the salt line got broken. And eventually I’ll mess up some salt line that’ll get you two killed too.” You shared as you looked over at your dream self.

Dean finally looked over at you, hearing you say out loud that you blamed yourself crushed him. He wanted to disagree with you, tell you he never meant any of it. It wasn’t your fault that your father had never explained the significance of a salt line back then. He knew your father was doing what his mother Mary wanted to do with them, keep you out of the hunting life. And that’s what he wanted for you too. He had been falling hard for you and he knew all good things eventually came to end and you’d somehow end up dead. So he did what he did best, push you away and make you leave them…him.

What you did next, after speaking, surprised both Dean and Sam. You had pressed the red button as the machine slowly started shutting down. “I won’t be the reason you die, Dean. Not this time.”

Dean ran over to your dream version. “No!” He yelled.

You continued your little speech, “If you want this life, then fight for it dammit. Don’t push me away. Yeah, your words hurt like hell because it was coming from someone I trusted to not turn their back on me and whom I cared for deeply, hell maybe even love. But I know that when my times comes, my family, specifically my father would kick my ass if I didn’t try to live my life, hunting or not.”

Dean managed to look over at you as the surroundings began shaking. His dream world was falling apart as the dream version of you was slowly dying.

Sam was shaking with the ground as he tried to keep himself steady.

“It’s true that I could be the reason that gets you killed, but it won’t be like this, as a stupid dream version. And I’d go into hell, heaven, purgatory and any other place to bring you back if I got you killed. So wake up Dean! I forgive you, you jerk!” You yelled at him as you felt tears run down your face.

Dean had made his way to you as he stood before you. “Y/N…” He called out.

You looked up, wiping the tears as you saw him smile before a white light consumed everything.

When you woke up, you found yourself back in the motel bed in California. You turned to look at the time that read 10:36am. You were confused as to how you got back here and what the hell happened. Your phone began to ring on the nightstand next to you. Grabbing it without looking at the caller ID, you placed the phone by your ear. “Hello?”

“Y/N?…” The deep voice sighed in relief on the other end of the line.

“Dean? You’re awake! I don’t understand. How am I back in my motel room from this morning?” You asked very confusedly.

“I asked Cas to bring you back after, as a precaution. And to let you sleep a bit longer. Sammy told me he woke you up from your beauty sleep.” Dean answered as she sensed a small smile from his side.

“Thanks? So what kind of precaution were you taking exactly?” You questioned.

There was a small moment of silence before Dean answered you. “Just in case you were still upset with me.”

“Well tell that pretty blue-eyed angel to bring me back to the bunker. I think I’m owed a big thank you in person for saving your life.” You commented with a smile, implying that he had nothing to worry about.

Dean chuckled on the other end of the line, “One pretty blue-eyed angel on the way. I’ll see you in a bit.” And then he hung up.

Again, the moment the Winchester hung up, Castiel appeared in your room. You gathered your belongings again, which were still packed from this morning and then you were zapped back in the bunker. Dean and Sam were waiting for you in the library.

Sam was the first to make his way over to you, enveloping you into a big bear hug. “Thank you.” He murmured into your hair as he squeezed a bit tight. You returned the hug before pulling away and smiling at him. “I’ve always got your back, even if I may be mad at your stupid brother.” You grinned as he returned the smile.

“I’d say go easy on him, but most of the time, he needs that beat up to realize what he has.” Sam shared before he walked over to Cas, placing a hand on the angel’s shoulder. “We’ll be in the kitchen, figuring out dinner.” Cas had his usual confused look at what was happening but followed after Sam anyways.

Once the angel and younger Winchester left the room, you looked over at the trouble maker. “So...”

“Thank you.” Dean expressed as he looked at you. He rubbed the back of his neck as he prepared for what he would say next. “That night…I didn’t mean it.”

You stood in silence as you waited to see if he would say more.

“What happened to your family was not your fault. You didn’t know any better then. And I was an asshole for saying that to you after you trusted me by telling me what happened. I know their deaths carry a weight on your shoulders, but it’s good to know it’s not as heavy as I thought. And I would never blame you for mine or Sammy’s death. I already know that if you’re the reason we died, it’s because we were trying to save you and I could live with that. You’re important to both of us, to me. Anyway, I could go on forever explaining how what I said was wrong in every way and how sorry I am, but I’d rather get to the more important topic.” Dean took a step towards you.

“The more important topic?” You questioned as you watched him come closer.

He held his hand out and opened it, revealing a key. “Come back to the bunker. This has always been your home if you want it. I want my best friend back and Sam would love to have his research partner back. Let’s be honest, you’re better in that department than I am.” He gently smiled at you. He was anxious a bit waiting for your answer.

You took a moment to think about it. A part of you thought back to everything that happened in the dream world, what Cas has shared with you beforehand, and how deep down, you missed this place, the brothers, and especially a place you could call home. You were about to reach out and take the key from his hand but paused for a moment. The memory of Dean’s wife in the dream making you a bit more interested in another topic between the two of you. “You only want a best friend back? Nothing more?” You asked with mischievous smile.

Dean returned the smile, “Yeah, let’s start with best friends first and then we’ll make our way to being Mr. and Mrs. Winchester. I’d like to take you out on an actual date first and spoil you to make up for hurting you.”

You smiled genuinely at him, shaking your head at his confidence. You didn’t haven’t anything against what he said though. “Alright, I can deal with that…for now.” And then you picked up the key from his hand.

“Really? Only back to best friend’s status?” A familiar long-haired Winchester’s voice interrupted. Two faces popped up from around the hallway corner. “At this rate, I’ll get married to her first. And I don’t mind that at all.” Sam joked as Dean had turned his attention to his brother and then started walking after him saying there was no way that was happening because you were his girl. As Dean left to playfully chase after Sam to make him take back what he said, Castiel came by your side.

“Welcome back, Y/N.” The angel greeted with a smile, knowing that the atmosphere around the bunker would be improving now.

You chuckled as you could hear Dean and Sam yelling at each other in the hallway like kids. “Thanks. I’m glad to be back. I’ll tell ya, that was one hell of a dream.”

Author’s Note: Hope y’all enjoyed reading! Feedback welcome! <3

#dean winchester x reader #dean x reader #dean winchester #sam winchester #spn fanfic #supernatural

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wait-for-the-snitch · 4 years

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There’ll Be Peace (When You Are Done)

read on ff.net a03

Summary: Heaven was calm. And after everything that Dean had gone through, he’d finally felt at peace. But when he finally got to Heaven, it wasn’t Bobby who greeted him. Or three times Dean Winchester was reunited with the people he loved and lost.

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When Dean opened his eyes, he knew he was in Heaven.

He’d been to Hell before, and he’d been to Purgatory. And this was neither of those places.

This place was calm. The way the wind blew gently through the trees and he could hear the river flowing from behind the cabin. This place was Heaven.

In all honesty, even with Jack in charge, Dean hadn’t been sure that he was going to end up here. Truthfully, he hadn’t been a saint. He’d done things he wasn’t proud of. Many, many things. And he’d sure as Hell pissed off a lot of different people and entities while alive.

But this wasn’t the Heaven that he and Sam had visited all those years ago. This wasn’t one of his greatest hits of his memories. He’d never been to this place before, and he didn’t quite know where he was.

It was different.

“Dean,” he heard a familiar voice say, and every bone in his body froze. If he needed to breathe still, he was sure he’d be unable to do so.

He swallowed as he turned around, and there stood Castiel, trenchcoat and all. He could see the mix of emotions on the angel’s face, sadness for Dean’s death, but also joy that he was here.

It was a bittersweet thing, Dean supposed, that death was what united the two of them once more.

“I thought you were in the Empty,” Dean said gruffly, not trusting himself to speak more than that.

“Jack saved me,” Castiel said, taking a step closer towards him, “Pulled me out of the Empty the moment he returned here. The past few months we’ve been overhauling Heaven. Making it the place it was always supposed to be. One where everyone could live together and spend the rest of existence without burden or hardship. One where people could relax.”

“And not once did you think of dropping in on Sam and I, and I don’t know, maybe telling us that you were safe? That you were okay?” Dean said, irritation rising within him.

How many nights had he spent worrying about Cas? Worrying about him being all alone in the Empty without anyone or anything around him? Wondering what that must have been doing to him?

“I wasn’t sure if I’d be welcome,” Cas confessed, “Especially given how we last left things. I thought it would be better to stay away. To help fix up this place and get it ready for you and Sam when you showed up eventually. But you weren’t supposed to be here for several more decades.”

There was a hint of accusation in his voice, and Dean closed his eyes.

“What can I say? Occupational hazard,” Dean scoffed, as he in turn took several steps towards Castiel. “These things happen I guess when you don’t have a God pulling the strings and guiding you towards the story that he had predetermined for you.”

He knew the sarcasm was heavy in his voice, but well, he was dead. Sue him.

“Tell me it was an accident,” Castiel said, with a hint of a plea in his voice. “That you didn’t die on purpose.”

“Do I look suicidal to you?” Dean asked him in disbelief, “You were the one who gave up your own life and went to that place willingly. Don’t talk to me about giving up your life without a cause.”

“Saving you always has and always will be a cause that I consider worthwhile,” Castiel told him. “It was when I saved you from Hell. And it was when I sacrificed myself to the Empty to save you. I don’t regret either of those things. I don’t regret that me doing so kept you safe from Billy. That it kept you alive. And I’d make that choice every single time if it meant that you would live. So you could find happiness.”

“How did you think that would work, Castiel?” Dean said with anger in his voice. Because dammit he was angry. “How was I supposed to be happy when you were gone? Everyone was gone. It was just Sam and I, and we were supposed to pretend that everything was fine? That it didn’t hurt that you were supposedly in the Empty for all eternity and Jack became some sort of hands off God that we’d never see again? I was supposed to what? Just get married to someone else and have a white picket fence, as if things were normal? As if you didn’t tell me you loved me then leave me? What was I supposed to do, Cas? You didn’t even give me a chance to say anything back.”

“What would you have said?” Castiel asked him with a shake of his head, “I know you, Dean. I’ve known you for years. I know what you would have said if I’d given you the chance. It was just...easier this way.”

“For who?” Dean said furiously. “It wasn’t easier for me. You were a coward, Castiel! You told me you loved me, and then you were gone. I was the one who had to go tell Jack and Sam that you were gone. I was the one who had to keep going when you were gone. I was the one who never had a chance to tell you how much I loved you as well. I was the one you left behind.”

Castiel froze, as if he were unable to process Dean’s words.

“What did you just say?” Castiel asked him, looking up at him in disbelief.

“I love you, Castiel,” Dean took a step closer to him, until there was only inches between them.

Castiel looked stunned, and Dean took the chance to cup Castiel’s face with both hands, as he kissed him desperately, hungrily, needingly. As if to make up for all the lost years they’d spent apart from each other while he’d been alive and Castiel by his side. The months they’d spent without each other with Castiel on Heaven and Dean on Earth.

“Dean,” Castiel whispered as they broke away from each other finally. “I love you too.”

“Good,” Dean exhaled, “I’d never forgive you if you’d moved on while you were here.”

“As if anyone could move on from loving Dean Winchester,” Castiel smiled, and Dean would be lying if he said his heart didn’t skip a beat.

“So what happens now?” Dean asked him, and Castiel intertwined their fingers.

“Whatever you want,” Castiel told him earnestly. “This is Heaven. We have all the time in the world to do whatever we want.”’

~ DW & C ~

All the time in the world turned out to feel like forever.

He knew time worked differently up here. While on Earth the years must have been passing in what felt like minutes for him, he couldn’t help but feel slightly restless.

Dean Winchester had never sat still for a day in his life, and in death it was no wonder that he found himself unable to just take it easy.

“Dean,” Castiel greeted him, as he entered their cabin.

Their cabin.

Didn’t those words just bring a smile to his face.

It turned out that Heaven felt like a giant neighbourhood, with everyone he’d loved in one place at one time.

He’d had Sunday dinners with his mother and father, and it had been years since Dean had seen his father look relaxed with Mary by his side. And his mother was finally able to smile without a hint of pain behind her eyes.

Bobby was just over the hill with a cabin of his own, reunited with Karen and looking younger than he had in years without the weight of the world on his shoulders.

Even Jo, Bill, and Ellen had their own place here.

It was nice.

But he’d be lying if he said there was one person he wanted to see more than anything.

“I brought a guest,” Castiel said, as he came in and pressed a kiss onto Dean’s lips. The two of them had become very domestic as of late, what, with Dean as something of a housewife, staying at home, while Castiel performed his Angelic duties both on Earth and in Heaven. And well if Dean wasn't just a little bit jealous that Castiel was able to go down to Earth still while he couldn’t.

Castiel had promised him to stop in and check on Sam, who was moving up in years. Sam had been relieved to know that Cas was fine and that he and Dean were together in Heaven. He’d retired from hunting when his wife, Elieen, and their son, Dean Junior.

It had choked him up when he’d found out that Sam had named his son after him.

“Dean,” Jack greeted him with a warm smile. Even as a God, Jack wore the same innocent smile he had while they were on Earth.

“Jack,” Dean exhaled, as a smile of his own broke out over his face, “Come over here.”

Jack moved quickly, and Dean embraced the kid he’d thought of as a son in his arms. Despite their strange circumstances, Jack was family, and he was glad to know that he was okay.

“It’s good to see you, Kid,” Dean said, as Jack pulled away.

“I’m sorry I didn’t come to see you sooner,” Jack offered him, “I wanted to stay away. I did mean it when i said i didn’t want to be as present as Chuck was. I wanted to give Heaven and Earth a chance to rebuild without my direct presence.”

“You’re here now,” Dean said, gruffly, “That’s all that matters. How have you been?”

“I’ve been fine,” Jack said, in avoidance, and Dean gave him a look. “It’s been a lot of work to fix this place up. Between the Angels working in what they thought was Chuck’s interest, and Chuck, well, this place was a bit of a mess. But we’ve restored the Angelic presence. The Humans might not need to pray to me directly for me to grant their wishes or for miracles, but someone still needs to act to make sure Hell stays in check. Even with Lucifer gone, and Rowena’s laid back approach, there always is dissent.”

“What aren’t you saying, Jack?” Dean questioned him, knowing that there was more he was leaving out.

“I didn’t expect it to be this lonely,” Jack whispered, “I may be everywhere and in everything, however I didn’t think I’d feel this alone. I don’t agree with what Chuck did. Nor do I condone him putting himself into the story. And I stand by the decision to stay out of human affairs. But I miss you. I miss Sam. I miss Miracle.”

“You’re the one who decided to stay away,” Dean reminded him gently, and Castiel nudged him. “Jack, you know you always have a place here. I’m dead. Castiel is an Angel. You’re hardly intervening in Human affairs if you wanted to drop by every now and then for dinner, or just to hang out for a bit. You’re family. And I know Mom would love to meet you. Dad too; he’s heard a lot from Mom and I.”

“I don’t want to impose,” Jack hesitated, and Dean knew he was afraid. The last time he’d seen Mary Winchester hadn’t exactly gone well.

“She forgives you,” Dean told him, “We all do. Look what you’ve done here. You defeated Chuck. You gave us our free will back. I’ve been to Heaven before, Jack. And this place is so much better than what it once was. Who wants to live in the same memories over and over again like some sort of endless loop of moments long gone? This feels like a retirement. Something I never got to do.”

He looked at Castiel with a smile, and Jack grinned at them both.

“I’m happy that you finally found your way to each other,” Jack beamed, “Castiel was lamenting about wanting to come see you. I am just sorry it took your passing for the two of you to get together.”

Castiel looked at him sheepishly, and Dean couldn’t help the warmth that spread over him.

This was what Heaven was supposed to feel like. With Cas and Jack.

He finally felt like he was home.

~ DW & C ~

While the years on Earth passed by, to Dean it felt like no more than days. He knew Sam was getting up there in years, and Castiel had told him that morning that it wouldn’t be long now before Sam joined them.

And well, Dean wasn’t all that sure how he felt about it. Sammy was his little brother, and the fact that he’d be with them soon meant he was close to death.

Sam had been the one who’d been able to live a long life. With Elieen and his children, Dean Junior, Mary, and Maura. He had grandchildren. He’d had a good life. But despite it all, Dean wanted him to have more time.

He’d waited for his brother outside the cabin that he and Castiel had shared. It reminded him of all those years ago when he’d waited for Sam outside his dorm room, not wanting to drag him from the life he’d been so desperate to set up away from hunting, away from Dad, and away from Dean. And here he was, waiting again, to meet Sam while taking him away from the life he had set up.

He knew deep down that he wasn’t the cause of Sam’s death. It would be natural; of old age. And that had been all he’d wanted for Sam.

Castiel had insisted on waiting inside alongside Jack, wanting to give the two brothers time to catch up. It had been decades for Sam since he’d seen his brother, and Dean felt his throat tighten knowing how he’d feel if he were in the opposite position.

“Dean?” Sam asked him in surprise, as he appeared outside their cabin.

“Hi Sammy,” Dean said in a tight voice, trying to hold back his tears. Sam had always been the quicker one out of the two of them, and in a few seconds his brother had made his way over to Dean and pulled him into a crushing hug.

“I missed you so much,” Sam said in a muffled voice, and Dean couldn’t help but hold his younger brother tightly. “I tried to live a normal life. I made sure my kids were raised as far away as possible from hunting, because I wanted them to be safe. I couldn’t lose anyone else to the lifestyle.”

“I know, Sam,” Dean told him, as he pulled away from his brother. “You did good. Cas and Jack told me all about your life, and I’m so proud of the man you became.”

“I wanted to make you proud,” Sam said tightly, “Jack and Cas told me that you were fine. That you were up here and that you were happy. But I never knew for sure. I missed you so much, Dean.”

“I missed you too,” Dean said, throat closing. The last time he’d seen his brother, he’d given him a speech as he knew he was on Death’s door. He didn’t what would be in stock for him after he’d passed, nor did Sam. And he’d been certain that it would be the last time that he’d see his brother again.

Yet here the two Winchesters stood, across from each other, reunited after years apart.

Even if it hadn’t felt like that long for Dean.

“So Castiel, huh?” Sam said, lightening the tension they were both feeling, and Dean barked out a laugh.

“Yeah, Castiel,” Dean said, feeling his heart warm at the thought of the Angel.

“I’m glad,” Sam said, “You deserve to find someone who makes you happy, Dean. I know you weren’t okay after we thought we’d lost him forever to the Empty. I always wondered how long it would take the two of you to get your heads out of your asses and get together.”

“We weren’t fooling anyone, were we?” Dean asked, as he clapped Sam’s back.

“Not in the slightest,” Sam grinned knowingly.

“Well I guess that’s all there is to it, then,” Dean said, knowing he didn’t have to explain himself further. Dad had wondered how Dean had gotten involved with an Angel, but Mom hadn’t been slightly surprised when he’d told her. Much like Jack.

“I guess all that’s left for me to say, is welcome to Heaven, Sam,” Dean said, as they began to walk inside the cabin where Jack and Castiel were waiting, alongside Mom, Dad, Bobby, Elieen, and Jo.

Jack had insisted on a giant banner that read “Welcome Home, Sam!” and had spent hours trying to make their home look just right to welcome Sam, despite Castiel telling him that it was just fine. In the months since Jack had taken over, Heaven had been fully established alongside order in the universe. He and Amara were one, working in balance just as the Darkness had always wanted. In Unison.

“What’s all this?” Sam said in surprise, as he smiled seeing the group there to welcome him.

“Welcome home!” Jack said enthusiastically, while Mom moved to embrace Sam in a hug.

“Mom?” Sam said in surprise, “Dad? What are you both doing here?”

“Do you think we were going to let our son show up here finally and not even come see him?” Dad asked Sam with a laugh. “We missed you, Son.”

“I missed you too, Dad,” Sam swallowed.

Castiel wrapped an arm around his waist as Dean leaned into the angel.

“We’re finally all together again,” Castiel said warmly. Elieen would be up here in a few years, according to Jack, so Sam wouldn’t have to go long without his wife.

“We’re finally all home,” Dean said, pressing a kiss to Castiel’s lips.

It had been a long road with many bumps and turns, but despite everything, they’d ended up together. As a family. He had Castiel. He had Jack. And he had Sam.

Despite all the hardships they’d faced, they were finally at peace. The fight was done.

And they had all the time in the universe to spend together.

#destiel-ff #destiel ff #spn ff #fluff #dealing with that ending

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sobsicles · 5 years

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Okay hold on y'all, let's talk about Dean's state of mind at beginning of s13 vs the end of s14, because I'm at galaxy brain level tonight, so this should be a journey

Let me give y'all a quick reminder on Dean's past and what he was raised up learning. K so Dean grew up with John searching relentlessly to find the the thing that killed Mary, then kill it. In the name of love, ofc. His entire mission was to find yellow eyes and kill him bc he killed Mary, his wife, the love of his life.

Right, so we're clear on that.

K so the beginning of s13 starts with Dean dead set on killing Jack. Why? Bc Jack was the reason (in Dean's expressed opinion) that Cas was dead, and Mary (thought to be) and Crowley as well. But Dean at his angriest point, yelling about how Jack was no good, and just look at where that got Cas, "IT GOT HIM DEAD! YOU MIGHT BE ABLE TO FORGET THAT, BUT I CANT!"

It's clear in that scene that Dean's one driving force and reason to kill Jack was bc he (in Dean's VERY expressed opinion) was the reason Cas was dead.

Hmm. They're called Parallels for a reason, folks.

He hated Jack, everything about him, and was ABDAMENT about Jack being killed. He started to come around in 13x04, recognizing his own dick-ish nature, but he also made a point to note that he was relying on Sam to keep the faith because he didn't "believe in anything right now" and was basically relying on Sam for a reason to keep going. So, yeah there's that. Hmmm I wonder who else relied on Sam (and Dean) to keep going after losing someone they loved. *side eyes John*

So, Dean's a debbie downer and legit takes dangerous, rash routes that he would definitely not be taking in the right state of mind, including jumping at the chance to sacrifice himself (even if temporarily to save some souls as you do), and then proceeded not to care if he was going to come back at all. Which, ya know, that's pretty fucking horrifying, actually.

And then wildly enough, Dean brightens up, treats Jack better, and is an all around happier person. Back into the swing of things, trying to fight the good fight, and just being an all around more positive person. Just so happens that all of this occured right around the time that Cas came back to life, giving Dean a total turn around in no time at all because in Dean's book (and out of his own mouth) he "needed a win" such as, ya know, Cas coming back.

Hmmmmmm. Well, let's do a little jump here real quick. The 300th episode, lemme break something down real quick like:

John comes back and Mary happens to be around. What do you know, they get a tearful reunion complete with an abrupt makeout sesh that apparently needed no words, which was pretty cute imo. John did a real quick 180, if you think about it. Gone was the gruff father who was tough on his sons, who couldn't manage a smile for long, who didn't show much emotion or give out physical contact. After laying eyes on Mary for .2 secs, and getting a kiss, John hugged the boys, told them he was sorry, told them he was proud of them, and spent majority of his time smiling wide with Mary beside him.

Hmmmmmmmmmmm.

Tell me SPN, what does Parallels mean to you? And if one couple gets to kiss upon reuniting, why not the other? 👀

But that's besides the point.

Now, lets jump into the end of s14. Strangely enough, we're kinda right back where we started in s13 with Jack's character being introduced.

Dean has lost someone else to Jack (in his undeniable opinion). He's angry, hateful, harsh. He wants Jack dead, again. Because Mary is dead and he needs to avenge her. Because that's what he grew up learning, because that's proof of his love, because that's what he was taught.

He was slightly different however. Not as reckless or careless. He was depressed, however, and grieving heavily. He turned that into a driving force towards one goal, to kill (or dispose of) Jack, no matter WHO got in his way. Because Jack had cost him his mom and was (in his opinion) a threat.

And then, when he had the chance, when he could have took the shot...he didn't do it. Couldn't do it.

HMMMMMMM.

And I know some would say its bc of his feelings for Jack as his pseudo son. And in many ways, those ppl are right. But if that was the case, why was he so comfortable with planning to kill him in the first place? Why was he so focused on getting Jack in that box? Why--as a parental figure--did he find NOTHING wrong with wanting Jack dead or locked away for the rest of ever?

No, his drive to kill (or lock away) Jack was entirely based upon the need to avenge Mary's death. Which he expressed in multiple different ways.

Yet, when that moment came, he couldn't do it. He tried, and he may have wanted to, but he couldn't. Why? Why?

Parallels y'all. God, I love 'em.

The parallel divered the moment that Dean couldn't go through with killing Jack. The need to avenge Mary didn't outweigh his own morality/feelings/guilt, etc. He stopped and thought, he paused and felt, and he couldn't fucking do it.

So, to clarify:

Early s13, Dean was hyperfocused on getting rid of Jack bc he got Cas killed. He had all plans to do so up until Cas returned, and would have had Cas not came back, or would have died trying (possibly on purpose).

Late s14, Dean was hyperfocused on getting rid of Jack bc he got Mary killed. He had all plans to do so and even tried to do so at one point. Yet, when the one solidified chance presented itself, he didn't follow through. No, he was going to let Jack live, inferring that he was going to try and forgive him/help him/work something out. It would have been hard and would have involved a lot of Dean being a prick, but it was clear that he was going to allow Jack to share space with him in the world, despite being the reason (in his opinion) that Mary was dead.

HMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM

So the parallels between "Dean avenging Mary" vs "John avenging Mary" completely seperated and diverged as Dean made the choice not to kill Jack.

However, the parallels between "Dean avenging Cas" vs "John avenging Mary" didn't diverge or seperate at all. Not until Cas came back.

Which leads into the parallel of "John doing a complete change bc Mary's alive" vs "Dean doing a complete change bc Cas is alive" which match right on up.

Dean had many issues with his dad, but when he was younger, he tried his best to imulate him. He wanted to be like him, wanted to make him proud. And as he got older, he drifted from that, but perhaps certain things subconsciously stuck.

The stark difference between "Dean avenging Mary" vs "Dean avenging Cas" was that Mary was his mom. And Cas was...well.

The stark similarities between "Dean avenging Cas" vs "John avenging Mary" was that they were avenging the one they loved.

Hm.

#god i really love parallels #destiel #destiel meta #destiel parallels #this got really long #but im pretty sure its coherent lmao #thoughts?

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nerdylittleshit · 5 years

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Thoughts about Spn 15x09

BEWARE! SPOILERS AHEAD!

Uff. What an episode. There is a lot to unpack here, in a good way. On the one hand we have Dean and Cas’s storyline and once again we can speculate how much fanservice there is, though I rather felt that now that we are in the final season every story thread has to come to an end and things that have been unsaid before need to be put in words in order to give everyone’s story a satisfactorily ending. On the other hand we had Sam’s trip in the future, a very meta heavy part of the episode, that leads to a lot of speculation how the show might end.

But, as always, let’s take a closer look.

Cas and Dean’s excellent adventures in pur-gay-tory

We start the episode with Dean initially wanting to go after Sam and save him, until Cas reminds him about their priorities. Without the Leviathan flower they can’t finish the spell, they can’t trap Chuck, and therefore can’t save Sam, but more importantly save the world. Because this is obviously not just about Sam. In the past the brothers used to choose each other, despite the consequences it might would have for the world. Cas reminds Dean of the bigger picture and this is the first time the show hints that is no longer just about Sam and Dean, and them saving each other.

Once in purgatory we get of course a lot of reminders about the last time Dean and Cas spent there. Cas refuses to split up, not wanting to make the mistake again he did last time, though in the end he does the very same thing he did before: he separates from Dean in order to keep him safe. We don’t see exactly what has happened in the time between Dean passing out and finding Cas again. All we have is Cas’s word and I wonder if there is more to it, if something happened in that time that might become relevant later.

Dean once said that purgatory felt ‘pure’, so what better place to do some cleansing? Both Cas and Dean finally vocalize their feelings. Dean is, as always, hurt that Cas left. Cas on the other hand explains that he had no choice. Dean was not able to forgive Cas, so what else could he do? And more importantly Dean did not stop Cas from leaving. We have seen this behaviour so many times before: Dean gets angry, Cas leaves, Dean is hurt, and so is Cas because Dean never asked him to stay. We always joke that the biggest enemy on the show is miscommunication, but the writers use this tool to create tension and in the past to keep Dean and Cas’s story unresolved. But as the show is getting to an end it makes sense that we finally see them both using their words. Cas explaining why he left and why he is hurt. And Dean finally apologizing and admitting his anger issues. The prospect of losing Cas (for real) hits all his triggers, it makes him pray again, on his knees, crying. And though he might use the term ‘best friend’ (and well they are best friends) the way the scene was shot and edited and Jensen’s acting choices made it incredibly romantic.

On top of that we have several parallel between Dean & Cas and Sam & Eileen. Eileen questions at the end of the episode reality, just the way Dean did in 15x02. Cas told him that they are real, whereas Sam kisses Eileen (making this ship officially canon). In the future Sam was shown we saw Sam, Eileen, Dean and Cas all together, splitting them into two couples: Sam & Eileen and Dean & Cas. We learn that both Sam and Dean lose their respective partner some time later, though losing Cas seems to be the breaking point again for Dean, whereas Sam still had hope after losing Eileen.

Apart from that we learn while in purgatory that Benny is dead, though we are told this by a leviathan, therefore an unreliable narrator. Either they wanted to wrap up Benny’s story, informing us about his fate, or there is more to this, and Benny is not dead and might become relevant again.

Back to the future

Meanwhile Sam and Eileen are trapped by Chuck, though as Cas rightly pointed out, there is no risk that Chuck will kill Sam, because this is not the ending he wants. And well, it is all about the end now, isn’t it? And just like in “The End” Sam, like Dean back then, is presented with the future, with what will happen if they stick to their plan. But just as the future Dean saw in 5x04 didn’t come true (despite him refusing to say “yes” to Michael and Sam becoming Lucifer’s vessel) the question is now if the future Sam was presented will become true. Chuck claims he is omniscient, but that would deny any kind of free will. And we do know that free will does exist, that Sam and Dean not always act the way Chuck wants them do, like Dean refusing to kill Jack. And speaking of Jack (welcome back Nougat son), he is not present in any of the visions Sam saw, despite the fact that he will likely soon come back from the Empty.

We learn that without Chuck the world is unbalanced, that he is the one who kept the monsters in check, and that they will overrun the world once he is trapped. Sam and Dean will lose everyone they care about and in the end they will become monsters as well, killed by their friends (and Chuck implies that while this is the end of their story this isn’t even the worst to happen). A world without Chuck can’t exist. But… Chuck is not the only powerful player in the world. Amara is as powerful as he is, Jack is pretty powerful and there is still Michael. None of the three were mentioned or showed up in the future Sam saw, which doesn’t make a lot of sense. Also, while Amara was still locked up, the world was unbalanced as well (it even caused the first murder through the Mark of Cain), but it still held up. We are told that neither killing or locking Chuck up is the solution, so there must be a third option or Chuck did not tell Sam the truth, which I personally believe.

The damage however is already done, Sam has lost his hope, which somehow separated the connection between Sam and Chuck. It is Dean now who fights back, telling Chuck he never gets the ending he wants to see, so something is already different (in the future Sam had still hope whereas Dean was desperate). And speaking of endings, we learn that Chuck’s drafts are indeed memories from other worlds, all showing us the same thing: Sam and Dean giving up. The Butch and Sundance ending though, going out swinging? We only see that once Sam and Dean turned into monsters themselves. So this is an ending we are very likely not going to see. Sam and Dean alone, either killing each other or getting killed, this is Chuck’s vision and therefore not how the show ends.

We also learn about some other manipulations of Chuck: he arranged for Sam bringing Eileen back from the dead, so he could use her as a spy (and possibly as a bait). Obviously learning about all that made Eileen leave (at least for now), though the question is if Chuck still needs her, now that his wound is healed and he perhaps can see Sam and Dean again. We also see that Chuck doesn’t like to get his hands dirty, but instead uses Eileen to hurt Sam, watching the show. But it was implied that he killed everyone in the casino… or did he force the people there to do his dirty work as well?

Chuck also told Sam that he still thinks he is the hero of the story, that he can still win. We will see the consequences of Sam’s lack of confidence next week, because apparently Sam and Dean will no longer be the heroes of their stories, where they always (somehow) get a happy ending.

And something clever other people probably have figured out long ago and that just occurred to me now: the first episode Chuck appeared in was 4x18, “The Monster at the End of this Book”. The story is ending now, we are at the end of the book and who is the monster? Chuck.

#supernatural #spn meta #my meta #spn 15x09 #the trap

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fangirlingtodeath513 · 5 years

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Endings Are Hard | a 15x04 coda

The sound of Dean’s neck snapping echoes through the cavernous halls of the bunker, but it doesn’t do a damn thing for Sam. He doesn’t feel anything, hasn’t felt anything in a long time. It doesn’t matter. His job here is done. With Dean out of the picture and all their hunting allies dead, he’ll be free to lay waste to this world however he sees fit. First things first, he needs to open the gates of Hell for good and get his demons topside.

Chuck sighs and runs a hand through his hair as he leans back in his seat. No, he doesn’t like that ending either. He presses the backspace button down until the page is unsullied once more and begins again.

Dean turns the corner, gun gripped tightly in his hands, following the noise of fighting down the bunker’s long hallways. He finds Sam in the library and doesn’t even hesitate before raising the Colt and firing it at Sam.

The gun does its job. Sam’s body drops to the concrete with a dull thud and Dean lets out a shaky breath, hand wavering for the first time since picking up the Colt half an hour ago. He adjusts his grip on the gun; his hands are sweaty and he can’t seem to actually take a deep breath. It only takes a moment of thought before he sticks the gun under his own chin and pulls the trigger.

Sitting back, Chuck rereads what he’s written with a smirk on his lips. Yeah, this is the ending. He can’t leave either of them alive, he’ll be too tempted to come back to their world to play with them. They are his favorite show, after all.

Now he just needs to figure out how to get there.

Dean jerks his hand to a stop just before the machete hits the kid’s neck. He gasps, like he’s suddenly just come back to his body, and drops the machete like it’s scalding hot. He was really going to kill this kid, this poor kid who’d accidentally killed someone.

“Dean?” Sam blinks at him, eyebrows furrowed as he takes in the scene before him. Dean stumbles a few steps backwards, glancing at Sam.

“Dude, I… I was gonna kill him. I didn’t even question it. And that girl at the school, we were really just gonna dose her with dead man’s blood. If we hadn’t seen her braces…”

“I know,” Sam mutters, glancing at the kid in front of them. “It’s Billy, right?”

The kid looks up at them, confusion and fear etched into his face. “Billy, yeah. What… what are you doing? I thought you were going to kill me. I’m a monster, I killed—”

Dean waves a hand at him. “It was an accident, you’re far from the worst we’ve ever seen. Besides, we’ve got a few people that could give you a hand with controlling your urges.”

Billy glances between them, opening and closing his mouth a few times. “That’s… why didn’t you tell me that? You were going to kill me!”

Dean shakes his head dumbly, glancing at Sam. “Something ain’t right. Let’s get him to Garth and get back to the bunker.”

“So what happened with you and Cas?” Sam breaks the silence of the car. It’s well past midnight and they’d just dropped Billy off at Garth’s. They’d barely been able to turn down Garth’s offer of the spare room, but Dean insisted they had to get back to the bunker, so they were allowed to leave after a horrifying number of hugs, in Dean’s opinion.

“Why do you think something happened between me and Cas?”

Dean doesn’t have to look at his brother to know that he’s rolling his eyes. “I’m not an idiot, Dean. You two have a private conversation and then he disappears off the face of the Earth. I figured you two got in a fight, I’m just curious what it’s about.”

“Nothing,” Dean mutters, tightening his grip on the wheel. He doesn’t really want to talk about this at all, much less with Sam.

He can hear Sam’s heavy sigh, which grates Dean’s nerves for some reason. Maybe he’s just tired. “Look, Dean, I’m not stupid. I know something happened between you two, but fine, if you don’t want to talk about it, I won’t force you. Just get your shit together and fix whatever you two fucked up.”

Dean scoffs. The older brother inside of him is pissed at being called out by his kid brother, but the more rational part of himself knows that Sam’s right. He’s really fucked up this time. So much so that he’s worried Cas might not come back around.

The rest of the ride is suffocating. Sam doesn’t say a word and about halfway home, he dozes off. Dean lets him sleep—one of them should get some rest, at least. The highway stretches out ahead of him for miles and it makes Dean homesick. Sighing softly, he closes his eyes momentarily and tightens his grip on the wheel.

“Cas? I dunno if you can hear me, if Chuck shut off angel radio or whatever, but… I’m sorry. What I said… it’s wrong. You’re not the problem. I-I take my anger out on the people around me. I know that’s not really healthy but—” Dean laughs despite himself, running a hand through his hair, “—There usually ain’t anyone near me. I don’t know if you can forgive me but, uh… it’d be nice to have you home again. Know you’re safe and everything.”

He pauses, unsure how to end his prayer. It’s been a long time since he’s done this.

“Right, well… just let us know you’re okay. Sam’s worried. You don’t even have to let me know if you don’t want to, I’d understand. Don’t freak Sam out though, kid’s got enough shit to worry about. Just… be safe, Cas.”

#supernatural #15x04 #coda fic #coda #my writing

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charlie-minion · 5 years

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21 Supernatural Questions

I was tagged by @amwritingmeta – thank you for including me, sweetie. You’re so lovely! I gotta tell you that it honestly made my day when I read that one of my favorite meta writers considers my blog one of her favorites, so yeah… thanks! :’D

Now let’s tackle these super fun questions ;-)

1. When did you start watching Supernatural?

I remember I watched for the first time around 2009. Season 4 was on, here in my country, on Warner Channel. I’m sure that season had already finished in the U.S. at that time, but it was just starting to air here in El Salvador. I didn’t know anything about the show and I didn’t know what season that was either, but now I know it was 4 because all I remember was that some dude had rescued another dude from Hell. Period. I understood next to nothing about the plot because I hadn’t seen any episode prior to the beginning of S4. I caught a few episodes now and then and continued to watch for some time until the schedule changed. The eps started to air at 11:00 p.m. and I had to get up early for work, so I stopped watching.

In 2013, I spent one year living in North Carolina with my older sister. I was having a difficult time, so I moved to my birth country (USA) to escape everyone and everything. I had no TV in my room, but I had my laptop and my sis had the first 7 seasons of Supernatural, so I was like, “Hey! I might FINALLY understand that freaking show that looked so cool”. That’s how I started. I wasn’t planning to binge-watch the whole thing, but it became addictive pretty fast.

I loved the first 3 seasons, but once I got to season 4 and Castiel was introduced, I was hooked for real! When I watched season 5 and I saw the “I did it, all of it, for you” from 5x02, I started Googling Dean and Cas, because I was SO SURE I was seeing romance there, and I couldn’t be the only one. I was super excited when I found out there was a Supernatural FANDOM (back then I had no idea that was a thing). And I was even more excited when I learned about Destiel, about shipping, and about all the fandom culture. I joined Twitter, became a Misha stan because the more I read about him, the more I adored him, and I got caught up just in time to watch 8x17 live.

Can you imagine becoming a Dean/Cas shipper all on my own, doing research, finding out about Destiel and then the VERY FIRST EPISODE I watched live, while living in the U.S., was Goodbye Stranger written by Robbie Thompson?!! Those were the days!

I have been watching live, along with the fandom, ever since March 20, 2013. I joined Tumblr during the hiatus and started writing meta (accidentally) at the very beginning of season 9. So yeah! This show has been a very important part of my life for over 6 years now, and I don’t want to think about how things might change after the show ends. NOPE. Not thinking about it AT ALL. (At least not yet).

2. Who is your favorite in TFW?

I absolutely LOVE my three boys. I want them to be happy because they deserve it. But, we can all have a favorite, right? I was a Dean!girl when I started binge-watching. When Cas was introduced, I became a huge Cas fan, and I thought he had become my favorite. However, lately I’ve understood that I became a huge MISHA fan, and that’s a little different. If we’re talking about the SPN cast, Misha is and will always be my favorite because he’s a real life angel. I love that man with all I have! But, if we’re talking about the SPN characters, I have to admit that I will forever be a Dean!girl, no matter what.

I’ll continue after the cut because, apparently, it’s impossible for me to give brief answers :P

3. Who is your least favorite in TFW?

This question sounds cruel, but I want to understand it in a ranking way, not in an “I hate this character” one.

If I have to rank TFW, for me, it would be:

Dean

Cas

Sam

HOWEVER, let it be known that I love my three boys immensely, and I want a happy endgame for the three of them. If Dean and Cas had a happy ending, but Sammy didn’t, that would ruin it for me. Ranking doesn’t equal hating.

4. Tag your top 5 Supernatural blogs!

I’ve said I follow very few blogs because I curate my fandom experience a lot, but you guys make my time on Tumblr extraordinary. I enjoy seeing you in my dash, reading what you blog or reblog and just knowing that you’re around as part of this community. If you answer these questions, please tag me ‘cause I’d like to read what you got to say about our beloved show. Much love to each of you! ♥♥♥♥♥

@dimples-of-discontent @mittensmorgul @cas-you-assbutt-dean-needs-you @naruhearts @casthegrumpy @fangirlingtodeath513 @bluestar86 @viva-la-cockles @obsessionisaperfume @caswouldratherbehere @perfectlyelegantdelusion @occamshipper @amwritingmeta (and no, Annelie, I’m not tagging you because you tagged me; you truly deserve to be here).

If you’re not tagged, please forgive my poor memory, but if we’ve talked before, or I reblog/like your posts, please know that I adore you. ♥

5. Who is your favorite character (not including TFW)?

Oh my! This is so hard to answer. Supernatural has had so many amazing characters that choosing only one is hard. But I guess I have to go with Charlie Bradbury. The only time I seriously considered to stop watching the show was when Charlie was killed off. I was very angry and disappointed, and 10x21 became an episode I truly hate. I don’t think I have ever re-watched the whole ep because the writing was SO BAD. Dean and Sam were stupid in that ep, and Cas was basically a lamp. I… NOPE. Disgusting episode for sure. And I lost my beautiful lesbian queen.

6. Who is your favorite woman in Supernatural?

I should say Charlie again, but because she got covered in my favorite non-TFW character, I will choose someone else for favorite woman.

And that has got to be Rowena. I don’t think there has ever been a female character in Supernatural written better than Rowena. And because the show’s ending, there will never be.

7. John or Mary?

Definitely Mary. We got to know her better. I know certain parts of the fandom didn’t care much for her, but I loved her a lot, not despite her flaws but because of them! She was made human in a realistic way. We had only seen the idealized version of her through Dean’s eyes, but once we got to meet the real Mary, it was something I enjoyed. John, on the other hand, is not a bad person, but he wasn’t the best parent. He loved his children, and I know that, but his love doesn’t negate all the crap he put his sons through, even if his intentions came from a good place. I like the closure the boys got with him in 14x13, though. I was not against it at all. But, as John would say in that ep, “Me versus your mom? That’s – that’s not even a choice.”

8. What were your first opinions of Sam, Dean, Cas, and Jack?

Dean: Since the first moment I saw Dean, I knew he was faking and was trying to hide how broken he felt. That’s why I fell in love with him from the get-go.

Sam: My first opinion was that he was supposed to be the mature and detached brother.

Cas: I thought that he was meant to be the epitome for the enemies to friends trope. (And I added “to lovers” one season later).

Jack: The only opinion I had was that he was going to be the opposite of Lucifer. The characters were saying he was evil way too early for it not to be subverted.

9. What’s your favorite season?

There are many seasons I love. I mean, this show has given us SO MUCH. But, season 8 is probably my favorite for two reasons. First of all, because it was the first one I watched live once I caught up. And to this day, the season finale still blows my mind.

And second, because it was when Carver took the reins of the show and did his best to fix the Gamble era. He gave the Dean/Cas dynamic a serious note, narratively speaking. I’ve said before that even though I shipped Destiel in the previous seasons, it wasn’t until season 8 that I saw an intentional development. It wasn’t played for kicks and laughs anymore, and it wasn’t just Misha’s and Jensen’s doing either. It was in the plot. The whole ‘I stayed one year in Purgatory just to get you back’ and all the ‘I couldn’t bear to think you didn’t want to come with me, so I chose to make it my fault’. Season 8 marked a new era, indeed, and Destiel became a real thing from then on, in my opinion.

10. What’s your least favorite season?

Even though there are some episodes from that season that I truly love (and they’ve become memorable, like The French Mistake or The Man Who Would Be King), as a whole, I don’t enjoy season 6 much. After a formidable season 5, Sera struggled to keep the boat afloat and it shows. Season 6 is certainly the weakest.

11. Opinions on Destiel?

My whole blog was born because of Destiel, so? What do you want me to say? Hahahaha. Destiel is life. And I can divide my opinion in 4 (depending on the showrunner):

Destiel was a fortunate accident during the Kripke era. It was played for laughs and it was the result of whatever was going on between Jensen and Misha. Their chemistry had nothing to do with the script.

Destiel was a tool during the Gamble era. I don’t like to use the word “queerbait”, but I think the closest Supernatural has been to that was when Sera was the showrunner. It seems to me like she used the ship to lure the fandom and keep the audience, but it’s clear she had no intention of giving a resolution (we all know how she treated Misha, so…).

Destiel became an intentional part of the narrative during the Carver era. As I said before, it wasn’t until season 8 when you could clearly see that things were not accidentally there anymore. It wasn’t a joke, either. The ship sailed for real during the Carver era, but Jeremy was not allowed to give a resolution because the show continued to be renewed.

Destiel became canon during the Dabb era. I mean, I know people will argue that it’s not canon yet. And I understand what they mean. But, in my opinion, Destiel hasn’t been TEXTUALLY made canon, but when Andrew took the reins of the show, he made Dean and Cas sooooo married that I came to the conclusion explaining the subtext was unnecessary. It was WAY too in the nose to need explaining. So, I stopped trying hahaha. I don’t know if we’ll ever get Textual Canon Destiel, but in regards to Subtext, it can’t get more canon than that. And noooo, that doesn’t mean queerbait at all. Queercoding is a thing, you know?

12. Do you believe Supernatural queerbaits?

As per my previous answer, currently I don’t think Supernatural queerbaits. I do believe Dabb, Bobo and company want to give the Dean/Cas storyline a satisfying resolution. I have no idea what they will be allowed to do, but even if they can’t textually give us what we want, I have faith they will find a subtextually strong way to wrap things up. I enjoyed when Misha and Jensen explained in the DC Cockles panel the restrictions the CW puts, and I think it applies to so much more than blood and language.

13. Seasons 1-7 or 8-14?

Seasons 8-14, no doubt. For two reasons: 1) They are really good (and gave Destiel relevance) and 2) those are the seasons when I was already part of the fandom and could enjoy week after week.

14. Favorite villain (plot wise)?

I think Chuck is the best of the best. Because when we look back, we now know that all the other villains were thanks to Chuck’s machinations. Plot wise that’s amazeballs! I mean, the fact that we always thought (or hoped) that God was on the Winchesters’ side just to learn he was the villain all along. Chef’s kiss!

15. Do you think they should end the Lucifer plot line?

I think they squeezed the freaking Lucifer plot line as much as they could… until it got to a point where I was sick of it. Everything related to Nick and Lucifer in season 14 was stupid and boring, to say the least. The plot line should have ended when Dean stabbed Lucifer. Although… I would have liked a better closure for Sam, but I’m good. As long as I don’t have to see Pellegrino again, I’m good.

16. Who do you think has gone through more trauma (Sam, Dean, or Cas)?

I don’t like this question and refuse to answer because trauma is NOT a competition (either in real life or in fiction). Trauma is trauma and it affects people. Something Sam went through was painful to him and that same thing may be less traumatic to Cas, but that doesn’t mean the repercussions and the suffering are less real for Sam, just because Cas suffered in other ways that may have affected him more. Trauma is personal. All I know is that the three of them have gone through A LOT and that’s why they deserve peace and happiness. Period.

17. What’s your favorite Supernatural episode?

There are more than 300 reasons to love this show. I mean, it’s almost impossible to choose ONE episode out of so many that I love. But for the sake of this question, I will answer with a very personal choice. My favorite ep could probably be 12x22 because of the moments between Dean and Mary. Dean needed a moment to finally say what he had been repressing all his life. All that hate mixed with all that love. He needed to let it out. And it was both gut-wrenching and beautiful to watch. I always cry when I see it (and I mean gross sobbing for real).

18. Do you like case episodes?

I like them most of the time. I don’t enjoy them so much when they air because I would like the plot to move forward, but it’s the case episodes where we learn more about what’s going on with our characters (their internal emotional battles) through other characters and subtext. It’s an interesting exercise, and that’s why I end up liking most case episodes in the end.

19. Who do you relate most to in TFW?

For people who have been following my blog for some time, this will come as no surprise. I relate the most to Dean Winchester.

In fact, I AM DEAN. I can find in my life every single thing about Dean’s journey. I came to accept my sexuality thanks to Dean (first as bisexual, and later as demisexual once I became more educated). I have felt worthless and like I don’t deserve to live or to be loved, just as much as Dean. I have felt like a burden, like I’m here just to help/please others, and if I’m not doing that, then I’m failing at life.

I get why Dean lashes out and hurts the people he loves even though he’s so afraid to lose them. I understand why Dean builds huge walls to protect himself from being hurt and what he needs to grow. Because his struggles are my struggles. And now I’m crying, so I better move on to the next question.

20. Why do you like Supernatural?

I like Supernatural because I’ve been able to learn about myself thanks to the characters. Despite being a genre show, the personal journeys (character arcs) have been so real and relatable that I truly think this show is a masterpiece. The fact that I’ve grown as a human being thanks to an ordinary TV show is incredible. I don’t think there will ever be another show like Supernatural in my life.

21. If you could bring back one character and kill off another who would they be?

I would bring back Charlie. The original Charlie. I mean, I know we have seen lovely Felicia Day again thanks to AU!Charlie, but I couldn’t connect with her the same way I did with the original one. Probably because not even the boys have been able to connect with her the same way, either. They see her and they will always see the little sister they lost. It’s hard to think of AU!Charlie as her own person if she always reminds you of the one you lost. ETA: I forgot who I would kill. I guess no one. I mean, if Lucifer were still around, I'd kill him. Or Nick. I just got tired of his face.

Wow! This turned into a very long post, but I had so much fun.

I tag EVERYONE who would like to do this as a way to pay tribute to our wonderful show. Much love to y’all!

#tagging game #supernatural #21 spn questions #spn fandom #destiel adjacent

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go-diane-winchester · 5 years

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The

Excuse the finger error on the heading. Not important anyway.

Doll face sent this wonderful observation that I didn't even realize.

''In response to your thing about Castiel - I feel ya. You can argue and debate till you’re blue in the face but it won’t make a difference. The stans only hear what they wanna hear. S1,2,3 remain my favourite seasons of the show and probably 3 of the most successful seasons overall. It was the brothers against the world. All this repetitive angel BS wasn’t a factor. It was dark and twisty and the SL was consistent. It didn’t need Castiel to be what it was and never has done.''

I agree with this but it reminds me of something Jared said in the earlier panels. He said, although he was humble enough to take any job. He wanted to do something that was not campy. She is right. The tone and texture of SPN was gritty and real. There was feeling of ''This has happened somewhere. We just don't know about it''. I am also forgiving of the fourth and fifth season because those stories were congruent with the previous seasons. The story was still focused on the brothers. They were the front and center of the story. And the big bad story was intertwined with their story. It was not like the stories that came after season 5, that had nothing to do with them.

Plus, despite the inclusion of humor in the story, there was no moment that made you scrunch your forehead and go ''what the???''. The humor, on many occasions, made sense. That is why, once upon a time, people were crazy about the shifter. Every time this creature appeared on screen, something interesting happened. From St. Louis to the Monster Movie episode, to Changing Channels. Even if it was funny, that was fine, because the shifter was a buffer. You could blame the meagre amount of silliness on him and the silliness was not insulting to a viewer. Other than the oversensitive stans, most people thoroughly enjoyed the episodes.

Then the Gamble era ended, and even the humor got pathetic. Dean's humor, especially, has gotten ludicrous over the years. Dean is a lot of funny things, but he is clumsy and stupid. Eating pie messily, getting out of the wrestling ring clumsily , it was all too much. Jensen, himself, said that Scooby Dooby Doo line he had to say was mortifying. I remember watching that scene with the dumb ascot [whhyyy???] and cringing. Remember when Dean was the gritty bad boy with a good heart? Yeah, well he died after Scoobynatural. This joke that we have on the scene now, isn't that Dean. This one doesn't use holy water and silver to test a person. He uses baked goods. Dean Winchester is now a silly cartoon.

Even his British attire for Michael makes no sense. Although the choice was Jensen's because he is a fan of Peaky Blinders, if I was in charge of wardrobe, I would have said no. I would have given him a black turtleneck, black jeans, and a long, glossy, ankle length black leather jacket that made from a leather that allowed the jacket to be manipulated by a gust of wind. That fucking stupid hat, I tell you. The point is everyone is too busy playing and none were taking their jobs seriously. So they didn't correct Jensen and why should they if he is doing all the thinking for them.

Sam's character was completely butchered in S8. Sam's fans must have been gritting their teeth throughout that season because of the character assassination. I did a full post only on that. Sam went from flawed to downright selfish and mean in that season and I hypothesized that someone in the writers room, just hated him. I stand by that hypothesis until something more substantial comes along. Though they stopped giving him any story. After S8, everything that happened, seemed to center around Dean with Sam picking up the pieces. Unfortunately for whoever hates Jared, they cant switch off Jensen and Jared's chemistry. And that's a good thing because at least kept the show watchable.

The gritty left with the inclusion of the bunker. I understand why they used the bunker storyline. New sets each week were probably expensive. One fixed set almost every week, has a lesser dent on the budget. But it was the bunker that made the whole show start to appear campy. I remember Angel had a similar looking set and that was a campy show. I miss the dingy motel rooms, creepy cemetery, the salvage yard and everything else that made Supernatural old school American. The BMOLs with their accent, and the dystopian AU world were nothing like the picture that Sam and Dean helped paint many years ago. When Dean was blasted into the future, where Samifer made an appearance, it was only for one day, not the whole season.

I didn't have an issue with the Castiel that Kripke had written, even though the first three seasons were indeed real and gritty and not campy at all. I just saw him as a guest character like Rufus, Bobby, Hendrickson, Ellen etc. I didn't think there was anything special about the character. And I would have tolerated him if the actor playing him didn't get to big for his britches. However, that character and the caricature he was replaced with, are two distinct characters. First of all, Misha unfortunately bled into the character. I have never known a more inadequate man.

So the masculinity and quiet wisdom that the character was supposed to exude was replaced by a colossal wimp who cant fight anyone properly and who has no ancient knowledge to share with the leads. Cas only appeared on screen randomly and left randomly. There was no guarantee of him appearing to help the boys because ''he didn't serve them''. And that was fine. Now he doesn't leave their side, just hanging around like a skin tag. The character was kept on board way past his expiry date. Keeping him on board meant that the angel storyline had to be lengthened just to accommodate him. Now this useless, pointless character is going to be in the last ever episode. I can feel it. It was be a sad end but at least, it will be over. They wont be able to butcher Sam and Dean's characters anymore.

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mittensmorgul · 5 years

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9.09, Holy Terror.

Remember, folks. Writers lie.

But Metatron slips back into the story like the proverbial serpent. I mean, that's literally the metaphor that applies, considering he's the one who finally unmasks Gadreel for us-the-audience, despite Dean still being in the dark. But there's far more manipulation going on in this episode...

As Gadreel tightens the screws on Dean, Metatron applies the exact right pressure to Gadreel. It's figworms within figworms, one after the other rotting the apple from the inside out, and everything is about to collapse.

Remember in the 9.06-9.07 post, I described the process through which Dean's lies and half-truths gradually came to light until they were completely out in the open? Well, that's beginning in earnest with his current round of increasingly unsustainable lies, and we begin to really see the toll it's all taking on Dean.

(also need to note one of the angels killed in the opening scene, his vessel was named "Red Dawg," in a season where Dean has both been referred to by the nickname "D-Dog," and also became an actual dog for an episode already... the MoC/demon Dean foreshadowing was pervasive in this season)

We've already seen Sam begin to crack under the weight of it all at the end of 9.08, but now both Dean and Cas will feel that burden, too...

Dean pushes Gadreel for an honest answer about Sam's recovery, pressuring him for a better answer, while Gadreel expresses his concern over working a case that potentially involves angels, but also leaving the entire burden of perpetuating the deception on Dean himself. And he's not doing well with that burden, and Sam's losing faith in himself and trust in Dean's increasingly shady answers...

SAM (getting agitated) No, it's more than Vesta! I mean, this kind of thing's been happening to me. Like, like, there are chunks of time just … missing. Like there are times when I'm... not here. DEAN Well, like I've said— SAM Yes, the trials. I know. I heard you. I heard you when you said it the last week and the week before that and the week before that. DEAN Yeah, because ... damn straight the trials. They whacked you, man. You're not up to warp speed yet, okay? But you will be. (Smiles at SAM.) Would I lie?

and

Blue light flashes in SAM’s eyes; EZEKIEL-IN-SAM is back. DEAN (knowing he's about to get more grief from EZEKIEL-IN-SAM) Oh, boy. EZEKIEL-in-SAM Well? What are you going to do about this? DEAN About Cas? EZEKIEL-in-SAM He is a beacon, Dean, pulling every angel for miles down on our heads. DEAN All right, you know what, Zeke? Level with me. What is it that you're so afraid of? EZEKIEL-IN-SAM I told you. When I chose to answer your prayers and heal Sam, I chose sides. That means I'm not in good standing with certain angels. DEAN Okay, well, you know what? Cas isn't in good standing with any angel, all right? But here he is, ass on the line, fighting the fight. So tell me, what makes you so special?

But Dean breaks down again and begins to strategically confess to Cas, still leaving out crucial pieces of information, but giving him enough that Cas does eventually begin to understand the gravity of Dean's situation:

CASTIEL (clears throat) I, um, I noticed you look... kind of uncomfortable whenever Sam mentions my leaving. Doesn't he know that you told me to leave? DEAN Here's the deal. When Sam was doing the trials to seal up Hell, it messed him up. Okay? The third one nearly killed him. If I'd let him finish, it would have. He's still messed up, bad. CASTIEL You said the angel, Ezekiel, helped heal him. DEAN (looks down, avoiding the question) Look, I got to do anything I can to get him back. Now, if that means that we keep our distance from you for a little while, then... Then I don't have a choice. I don't feel good about it, but I don't have a choice. It's great to have your help, Cas. Okay, but we just can't work together. CAS looks sad.

Bolding mine. I DON'T HAVE A CHOICE. I DON'T FEEL GOOD ABOUT IT, BUT I DON'T HAVE A CHOICE.

Cas, being Not A Moron™ now understands that everything that's happened since the angels fell, since Dean went to extraordinary measures to save Sam with "Ezekiel's" help, has put Dean in this impossible position. He might not know the true extent of it, but at the end of the episode when he calls Dean to warn him that "Ezekiel" is not who he's pretending to be, he knows that Dean absolutely NEEDS this information... which he could only have known if he understood that Dean had made some sort of as-yet-still-secret-by-necessity-of-Sam-continuing-to-be-not-dead pact with Fake Ezekiel...

And then, a truly horrible twist of circumstance as Cas searches for answers and is captured by a group of angels and tortured. Everyone is just doing what they have to do...:

CASTIEL Angels butchering angels. Is this what we've become? MALACHI Just following your example, Castiel. How many did you kill in Heaven? How many in the Fall? (off CASTIEL's look) Oh, you didn't know? A host of angels died when they fell – Azrael, Sophia, Ezekiel (At this last name, CASTIEL turns very thoughtful) ... "Died" doesn't even describe it. Devastation. Wings shredded, unspeakable agony at your hands. So, I think you would want to provide any information you have, considering... (pause; no response from CASTIEL) All right. I leave you in the hands of an artist. (to THEO) I don't care what's left. THEO Don't ask for mercy. There is none. THEO walks and shuts the door, then returns to CASTIEL, and picks up a drill. THEO I'll give you one last chance for this to end. CASTIEL Give me a quick death. CASTIEL closes his eyes and holds up his face in anticipation of the blow(s). THEO I need you to speak to Metatron. Everyone knows you have influence. CASTIEL now opens his eyes and looks in astonishment at THEO. THEO (continuing) He'll listen to you. Ask him to raise me to Heaven. You can do this, Castiel. I'll be a soldier for Metatron, do anything he wants. CASTIEL You – you serve Malachi. THEO I thought he was the answer, but he's crazy. CASTIEL You're... noticing this now? You were more than willing to do his dirty work. THEO I did what I had to.

So of course Cas does what he has to do, now that he knows what Metatron is up to, that Dean is in danger from the False Ezekiel:

CASTIEL (on the phone) Dean, I don't have a lot of time, so listen. The leader of the opposition is an angel named Malachi. DEAN How do you know that? CASTIEL He had me. I, uh, I was tortured. But I got away. DEAN How? CASTIEL I... I did what I had to. I became what they've become. A barbarian. DEAN What are you – Cas, where are you? CASTIEL It's better I stay away. They're gonna want me even more now. But I'm gonna be all right. I... I got my Grace back. Well, not mine per se, but it'll do. DEAN Wait, you're – you're back? You got your mojo? CASTIEL I'm not sure. But I am an angel. DEAN And you're okay with that? CASTIEL If we're going to war, I need to be ready.

Unfortunately Cas's warning comes too late to save Sam, or Kevin, and Gadreel takes over fully, having been deceived and manipulated into doing Metatron's dirty work, just as Cas had been in 8.22-8.23.

Which is why Cas immediately forgives Dean in the opening scenes of...

9.10, Road Trip.

(meanwhile, the angels all continue to be Terrible™ in the background, proving they were always Terrible™ and are only using Cas as a scapegoat, blaming their troubles on him when honestly they were all always Terrible Manipulative Bastards™ all on their own!)

(also, Andrew "what are cars even anyway" Dabb writing an episode called "Road Trip" makes me cackle)

Watching Dean suffering alone at the bunker (Gadreel even stole the Impala ffs), giving Kevin a hunter's funeral alone... this was hard. And then Cas showed up 100% understanding, and 100% ready to help however he could, back in a new trench now that he had his mojo back. So in that way, Dean had already resigned himself to having An Angel back, and not the same Cas he'd tossed out in his worst moment. It's his fault Cas was forced to go to that measure. Ouch.

I'd also like to point out the similarity between Metatron luring Cas in during s8-- starting by appealing to Cas's desire for atonement, his need for all the angels to stop the infighting and begin working together again, to restore order, and then luring him in to increasingly horrific acts he promised would achieve those ends. When Cas had balked, Metatron had manipulated circumstances to push Cas into doing them anyway. Same with Gadreel.

Metatron used the lure of being able to clear his name, back in 9.09:

METATRON: Relax. I'm not here to out you. But I am curious, why Ezekiel? NOT-EZEKIEL-IN-SAM They say he is a good, and ... honorable angel. METATRON Ahhhh. Everything they say you are not. I see your point... Gadreel. NOT-EZEKIEL-IN-SAM (henceforth to be known as GADREEL-IN-SAM) The stories about me – they are not true! METATRON And yet you spent countless thousands of years locked in Heaven's darkest dungeon. And now you're hiding in this human, posing as Ezekiel. (shakes his head) Tragic. It broke His heart to lock you away, you know? You were God's most trusted. That's why He chose you to protect the garden. Your one task was to keep evil from entering... from befouling His cherished creation, mankind, and you failed Him! GADREEL-IN-SAM Not my doing. METATRON Well, for whatever reason, the serpent entered. The Earth is cursed with evil. Someone had to be blamed.

Gadreel had been duped from the start. And he didn't let evil onto the Earth. Adam and Eve weren't tainted with evil when they ate the apple, they were tained with the KNOWLEDGE of good and evil. If knowledge could be considered a "curse" in the first place. And Gadreel just happened to be the one left standing there after the deed had been done, even if he was no more complicit in what resulted that Cas had been in Metatron's spell that made the angels fall. But unlike Cas, Gadreel believes Metatron truly wants to help him clear his name, or at the very least help him build his reputation anew by doing "good" now... and yiiiiiikes....

Gadreel was horrifically okay with killing Kevin on Metatron's orders, because Kevin was helping Dean perform a spell to eject him from Sam, and it was partly (at least he could rationalize it that way) self-defense. And he was all too happy to murder his former jailer who was now envesseled in a Justin Bieber wannabe. I believe we all cheered about that guy getting his comeuppance. But then Metatron orders him to kill the only angel Gadreel had considered a friend, who he'd been imprisoned with, and who'd decided to embrace the human life he'd found himself in, adopting his (previously abusive jerkwad) vessel's family as his own. Abner had been HAPPY with his life, and yet to save his own reputation, and without questioning Metatron's order, Gadreel killed him.

Crowley also played a role in this, using his NSA-infiltrated demon to track the stolen Impala. Crowley praised her for also playing ball with Abaddon (and later Abaddon would kill her for admitting she was also helping Crowley... two very different ruling styles...), and then they'd have to move from Plan A (torturing Gadreel with the Angel Brainwashing Halo Thingie) to Plan B (crowley possessing Sam to convince him to evict Gadreel from the inside).

Gadreel gone back to his previous vessel, Sam feels justifiably violated by his possessions.

Sam: What do you want me to say? I’m pissed? Okay I am, I’m pissed. You lied to me - again. Dean: I didn't have a choice. Sam: I was ready to die Dean. Dean: I know. But I wouldn't let you, because that’s not in me. Sam: So what, you decide to trick me into being possessed by some...psycho angel? Dean: He saved your life. Sam: So what. I was willing to die. And now...Kevin. Dean: No, that is not on you. Kevin’s blood is on my hands. And that ain’t ever getting clean. I’ll burn for that. I will. But I’ll find Gadreel and I will end that son of a bitch. But I’ll do it alone. Sam: What’s that supposed to mean? Dean: Come on man, can’t you see, I’m poison. People get close to me they get killed, or worse. I tell myself I help more people than I hurt and I tell myself that I’m doing it all for the right reasons and I believe that. But I can’t -- I won’t drag anyone anybody into the muck with me - not anymore. Sam: Go. I’m not going to stop you. But don’t go thinking that’s the problem because it’s not. Dean: What’s that supposed to mean? Sam: Just go.

And we're back to not talking to each other. And there's our final "I didn't have a choice." But there's also the fact that Dean DIDN'T trick Sam into letting an angel possess him. The angel did that all on his own. Asking for Dean's permission was entirely besides the point. It was Sam who had to say yes, and it was Gadreel who assumed Dean's likeness inside Sam's mind, using what he'd learned about Sam during his unattended "examination" while Dean had been talking to Cas and blowing away the other angels attacking the hospital to learn what he'd need to manipulate Sam into saying yes. And it's not like Dean intended to lie, that was Gadreel's condition he'd at first told Dean was to prevent Sam from ejecting him and basically dying on the spot before they could explain the plan to Sam. And then over time, as Dean tried to tell Sam the truth before it got to that point, Gadreel actively prevented him from doing so. It was only then that Dean realized just how screwed he was. ALLLLLL the guilt of everything bad that's resulted from Gadreel possessing Sam to this point, Dean blames all of it on himself-- Cas, Kevin, Sam... all of it. Sam's just... still reeling from his own experience that he's unable to see this yet. Unfortunately, he won't see it for a good long while to come, after it's far too late to save Dean from what the mark will do to him.

And another cycle of manipulation, betrayal, and sacrifice begins. Chuck must've been pretty damn proud of this one... all he had to do was sit back and watch Metatron execute the very Him-like plan for him.

#spn 9.09 #spn 9.10 #s14 hellatus rewatch #it's spirals all the way down #lies and damn lies #i blame metadouche for everything including global warming and bee colony collapse #the scheherazade of supernatural #spiders georg of the tnt loop

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