#and while i think access to medication SHOULD be that easy

[yourtoradorasextendedwarranty]

I'm going to have a select few people who are mutuals of mine and people I follow as well as people who follow me, we're going to be a little bit pissed at this sentiment but it bares noting.

I think that we have created a culture where we allow children to become degenerates. I should not be able to get online onto multi player video games, or on discord in servers that I am in, where people from the ages of 12 to 17 are literally using BDSM language referring to themselves as "therians" or "other kin", while somehow also being trans. Somehow.

I've said this once I will say this a dozen and a half times. The modern concept idea behind what it means to be trans is royally fucked up. And we have normalized the concept idea of "gender dysphoric trans people", So widely in fact that it is now considered taboo to get yourself mentally checked by a psychologist who isn't just going to affirm you. What's even wilder is that there are people out there who are basically saying that we should destigmatize all forms of mental illness because there's nothing wrong with people who have them.

Which is absolutely terrible, because all it actually does is deify mental illness. Which we've done a great job of promoting over the past 15 plus years. And I hate it. Because there are individuals who if they just got their hormone levels checked probably wouldn't be gender dysphoric anymore. If we got away from letting kids have unfettered online access, we'd have significantly less gender dysphoric people. We need to round culture back off a little bit, where it's fine for people who have mental health problems to be medically checked and psychologically evaluated. Because unfortunately when you don't, you end up with this:

And while a few of the individuals I follow that happen to be trans might disagree with my sentiment, it's probably because you're looking at this from a standpoint of identity rather than from a standpoint of mental health. Because I have seen several people online and talk to a few who expressed gender dysphoria in their lives until they got their hormone levels checked. Only to find out that their hormone levels were exceptionally out of balance and started working to get that fixed.

And once they did that fixed them right up. And then I'm going to get the obstinate individuals who get angry saying that there's nothing wrong with trans people. And that's not what I'm saying. Because this is unfortunately not a discussion that is easy to have because people get all up in their own feelings about it. But if a person believes themselves to be trans and there is something chemically wrong in their brain. Or their body is not properly producing the amount of natural hormones for their body, it's bound to cause issues. And transitioning those people will not help them. Unfortunately under modern norms, the express process seems to be medical and surgical transition immediately.

And if I had to take a gander at why depression is so stark in trans people, is likely because many of them aren't trans and their real issues aren't being addressed. They're just being given a new "thing" to deal with. One that is they go through with could kill them. Or make them kill themselves. I mean zero harm with this post. But I'll be ignored very likely by those who get up in their own feelings about the topic. *Shrugs* think I'm hateful of you want. But I'm sick of seeing article after article of people getting caught transitioning kids after minimal if any therapy whatsoever (and is it is minimal it's affirming), only to rush them through the process of getting transitioned. And then being told it's not happening.

My question that becomes how many people have to fall through their cracks before you consider it a problem. How many hospitals have to be exposed transitioning children with little to no mental evaluations whatsoever, and often no physical evaluations, only to have their growth stunted and often end up aging significantly faster with a litany of problems ranging from lack of bone density entirely, to stuff like osteoporosis. Or heart problems.

I swear to God, if I have to say the phrase "children can't consent", one more time I'mma going to lose my shit.

[nicki0kaye]

Route 1)

Zeb is Kallus' self-appointed handler, gutted by grief but refusing to leave the responsibility of Kallus' physical safety and upkeep to anyone else. He rambles to Kallus during their time together, telling him stories about every Spectre, and even some from Lasan. He's aware this information is being saved somewhere, but has no idea Kallus is aware of it. Is there and is listening.

Then, one day, the conversation steers into the realm of User Permissions--aka who on the team is allowed to order Kallus to repeat what he's learned. This is how Zeb learns Kallus is not a User and cannot change things without being granted access by an established User. Once that clicks, Zeb assigns Kallus User access, and, bc Kallus is reckless and impatient and thinks he can do everything himself, he starts editing his own programming which quickly results in a seizure. Zeb, distraught, lowers him to the ground and calls Medical.

When the seizing stops, Kallus reports "Updates paused. Review change long?" and then, slowly, refocuses his eyes on Zeb. His expression is still entirely neutral, but his eyes search Zeb's, gaze growing more sharp and aware by the moment.

Zeb tells him to just go slower with the updates, while gently brushing Kallus' bangs into their proper place.

"New message from User A.Kallus. Open?" Zeb swallows and agrees. "Message; 'didn't mean to scare you. I'm alright. Thank you for the admin privileges. Only took you 43 days, 17 hours and 26 minutes. Tsk tsk.' End message." “I don’t speak spy-droid, you—“ and then the tears start, silently, as Zeb bows over him and starts to cry into his chest. “You smug isb so-and-so—“ strangled by his throat and muffled by his shirt. "New mes--open? Opening message; 'easy. Don't cry. I haven't gotten to unlocking autonomous movement yet. At least put my arms around you for me. Zeb. Zeb, it's alright. Soft hearted rebel. Don't tell me you were worried.' End--."

Kallus of course has to go to Medbay to get checked out and reprimanded by my OC Deacon, who makes it clear they will be rolling back the restrictions VERY SLOWLY after this stunt. Holy crap, you could have fried your own brain, goddamn.

which means Kallus is stuck in pose-able doll mode for a few more days, giving Zeb time to start becoming EXTREMELY self-conscious about how touchy-feely he's been with Kallus while he was sure Kallus wasn't aware. This is despite the fact any time Kallus does touch him voluntarily, it's a Fucking Death Grip, as Kallus' impulse control is Shot and he Cannot temper his desire to touch and be touched by Zeb.

By the time Kallus is entirely mobile under his own power (but has put off access to expression or tone of voice bc he's afraid he will similarly have no control over either of those), Zeb has decided that Zeb is the worst person in the world for taking advantage of his friend and that Kallus should want nothing to do with him.

Which of course comes out eventually. Sabine is trying to play wingman for these idiots by talking about star-crossed rivals while watching one of the Spectre's favorite teledramas, but Zeb is VISIBLY upset and asks her how young she was when she was taught how to twist the knife.

Zeb's discomfort is interpreted by Kallus as; 'the idea of liking me freaks him out, primarily when other people are Aware of it'. Meanwhile Sabine refuses to enable and asks outright "if you two are on the same page, I don't see what the problem is."

“Kal ain’t even in the same book, Bine," Zeb says, "and I don’t want him dwelling on — what’s happened.”

At which point Kallus gets up and just Leaves without another word.

Zeb follows, tries to apologize for Sabine overstepping, which makes Kallus crack;

He will not be Zeb's shame. He will not be the object on which Zeb channels his guilt. He is entirely capable of speaking for himself now, entirely capable of choosing who he spends his time with, and Zeb is ignoring that fact and deciding for him how he's allowed to feel.

Zeb, of course, feels awful about that, but Kallus doesn't stop;

"'The day I regained mobility, I clutched at you. It wasn't a conscious choice, I needed to. I needed it. I wanted it. I couldn't hide how much I wanted it, my hands moved on their own. I have. Missed. It. All the ways you used to…so very casually remind me I have a body, and it does not repulse you. And that it can feel good to exist.'"

Then, later;

"'If I was in danger, I would have removed myself from it. I would have hurt you for hurting me. You didn't assault me, Zeb. I couldn't consent, but I would have, had I had the choice. I don't blame you, because you did not take my choice away.'" His hands are working in and out of fists at his side. He wants to touch Zeb so badly, but it still seems so fraught and. He couldn't stand it if Zeb flinched away from him now. He's just as bad about hearing what Zeb is saying and still being terrified that he's secretly right about Zeb's repulsion. "'I prolonged that helplessness, because I did not want you to stop.'"

Then, after they both admit they were hiding the depth of their feelings from one another in fear of losin the friendship, Kallus asks;

"'Will you treat me like you did before? Before the admin privileges. Keep me close?'" “You mean protect you?” It’s gentle. “Or you wanna be spoiled a little and treated like you’re breakable?” Kallus' lashes don't exactly flutter but. They definitely twitch as his eyes duck Zeb's for a moment. Embarrassed. Shy. "Yes."

Zeb agrees and;

Zeb takes a minute to remember how it was, especially at first. Then he slides his grip to Kallus’ wrist and puts the small of his other hand on his back— guiding him by two points like he did when they were worried about him bouncing off of walls. Kallus isn't the same stiff bodied automoton--this time he steps in even closer, leaning side to side, shoulder to shoulder. His eyes do unfocus some, but it's a much softer look than the near empty dolls eyes Zeb had to deal with the first few months. He can't sigh, but his body is relaxed in Zeb's hold. It's…more comforting than he knows how to express

and from there the rest of the RP is just fluff around them being as romantic as they can while Kallus' means of expression are still so limited.

have I posted Lobot!Kallus? I keep meaning to I genuinely can't remember

vacant, only speaks when spoken to, has to be guided by hand bc his spacial awareness has been intentionally fucked with, is either In There behind all the programming, unable to jailbreak himself without permission which no one has thought to give him OR has been fractured so severely, his identity may as well be gone or only exists as a subroutine that only triggers under certain circumstances and is so buried by restrictions it's unrecognizable.

just things I do to my favorite characters uwu

[adventuringblind]

The Thrill of It (1.8K Words)

LandOscar x Reader

Genre: Street Racer AU, Smut

Summary: Sometimes the boys come back from races a little riled up, it doesn't help tonight that they get a bit possessive when someone lays a hand on what's theirs.

Warnings: PinV sex, unprotected sex, public sex, exhibitionist Lando, Sub reader, Dom Oscar, Oral, face-fucking, Hair pulling (?), minor degradation, Oscar being stressed after because AFTERCARE IS IMPORTANT OKAY

Notes: I'm back! Did you miss me? I think this is the most lewd smut I've ever done... But reminder that comments and filling my inbox with nice things motivates me to write!!

Side Note: MINORS AVERT YOUR EYES!! ADULT CONTENT AHEAD!!

Masterlist // Request Form // My Website // buy me a Ko-Fi

The lights amongst the crowd flitted about in shades of neon. The people are rowdy tonight on the sides of the street. All of them handing off their cash to each other to bet on which driver they think will win. 

It’s a dangerous game with no medic on scene. She supposes that’s the thrill of it. Knowing there may be no return once they put their foot on the pedal.

Lando and Oscar are practically swimming in the cash now. While she isn’t in the spotlight, they certainly are. These are their streets. They know Woking like the back of their hands now. 

Lando says he drives by feeling where Oscar has a map of the turns memorized. It speaks volumes about their character.  

You’d think these idiots would stop betting so much on other drivers. She’s been here enough times to know they never learn. Always lured into a false sense of hope. She doesn’t mind it, simply finds it funny. 

She finds herself entranced by the sounds of the engines, the people chanting their names. She sees other people oggle the two, hands becoming a bit more than friendly as the night progresses and alcohol is consumed.

A car pulls below her hiding spot. The second car driven, a truck she can sit in the bed of when things get overwhelming and the people too much. 

Those friendly hands tend to slip when they see a pretty stranger. Boundary lines are crossed. Another thing they should know by now: Oscar and Lando are the kings of these streets and it’s best not to mess with their queen. 

The bed of the truck shakes as they climb in with her. Their faces are half hidden in the dark. The other is illuminated by intermittent flashing lights. 

 Lando looks all too happy about the stunt he just pulled. A dangerous thing that could have killed him if not done right. The adrenaline has his pupils dilated. “Don’t think he’ll be coming back again. Gave him a run for his money… Liturgy!” 

“Literally-” 

“Yes, that’s what I meant - Literally!” 

She tilts her head back and laughs. Drunk off the atmosphere of the night and maybe the fumes of whatever people have been smoking all night. “Scared him off then?” 

“You know it baby!” Lando latches right onto her exposed neck with his teeth for all of two seconds before Oscar is dragging him off. It leaves them both whining. “Osc! I’m doing things!” 

“You’re doing our things.” The dehumanizing language should not have her this hot and bothered, in Woking, in October. She’s wearing a skirt with nothing aside from panties underneath and one of Oscar’s zip-ups with a tank top. Not the best choice of clothing all things considered, but she could care less. Not when it gives them easy access when they are all riled up like this.

Oscar drags her into his lap. The feeling of strong thighs underneath her in almost the right spot has her whimpering. “Didn’t realize you’re already so needy for us darling. Forgot how much seeing us drive turns you on.” 

She nearly cries when Oscar pulls her underwear to the side and slips a finger through her slit. “Look at this Lan! She’s a mess already!” Oscar’s free hand grips Lando by the collar and pulls him closer; nearly choking him out in the process. When his fingers are pulling obscene sounds from her, he brings them away. Up towards Lando’s mouth which unlatches to suck on them eagerly. 

The Brits eyes roll back as Oscar jams four fingers down the back of his throat just for the sake of it. “S’pose you’ve earned it tonight, Lan. You’re already a mess anyhow and I think you’ve been leaking since you got out of the car.” 

Lando mumbles something around Oscar’s fingers. It’s unintelligible - or she’s too lost in her haze to comprehend anything. Having slotted down on Oscar’s thigh to get some kind of friction. 

The sound of Lando’s belt buckle coming undone becomes louder than the engines. Then the wet sound of lips clashing together. The hand Oscar previously had in Lando’s mouth is now around his neck. 

The same story time and time again. Lando goes by feel where Oscar exudes superiority in how he has them memorized. 

She clocks the hand on her waist moving to the back of her head. Oscar switches to kiss her instead. The filthy kind - all tongue and teeth. It keeps her occupied long enough for Lando to shimmy his boxers just far enough down. 

“I knew you were leaking.” Lando makes a weak noise at that. Oscar’s words seem to have that effect on him. Both of them - really. “I bet you like showing off for all these people, huh? The possibility of us being caught like this. You get off on the thrill.”

The boys help her reposition her boy. Oscar gets two of his fingers in her, hovering just above Lando’s cock. Which - to Oscar’s credit - He’s not wrong. Lando is leaking like a faucet that has a consistent drip. It is mesmerizing and should be illegal. 

Oscar gets a third in her, dutifully stretching her open despite having to support her weight. Lando thrusts into the air out of impatience which earns a lovely smack to the side of his ass. “You should know better, Love, that all good things come with time.”

She feels empty for all of two seconds before her body is plunging down onto Lando’s cock. She can feel him twitching behind her - trying to remain still until given the go-ahead to move. His hands paw at the slope of her back and curve of her ass. 

In front of her, Oscar is undoing his own belt. She should’ve realized sooner how he had positioned them. How the truck bed is conveniently long enough to let Lando work out his residual energy by thrusting into her while Oscar makes use of her mouth. 

He’s always three moves ahead of them. 

She leans down, ready for him without him even having to ask. “Spit,” He commands. She does it without hesitation. 

Oscar makes use of the makeshift lube and gives himself a few strokes before motioning her forward. She unhinges her jaw and relaxes her throat and still - she gags. 

“See Lando, patience works wonders.” 

“Please Osc, please - I’m dying over here-” 

“Go ahead baby, you’ve earned it.” Oscar chuckles. 

They find a rhythm. When one is going in, the other is going out. She’s drooling all down the exposed skin Oscar is showing. 

“Best. Fucking. Reward. Ever~” Lando punctuates each word with a particularly hard thrust. The sounds are ridiculous and they are lucky that the sound of engines revving is drowning them out. If anyone is watching - well - they are certainly getting a show. 

Oscar’s voice cracks. “Fucking hell, you two look so good.” She concludes the walls of his resolve are starting to crumble. That the grip she has on his waist to ground herself is enough to make him snap and throw him over the edge. 

“You like the show, Osc.” 

“You could say that.” 

Lando likes to be seen and Oscar likes to watch. She likes everything in-between that. To be the object of their affections and an element of desire. Something they covet enough to lose themselves like this. 

Everything gets messier - if that was even possible. Oscar snaps his head back and grips the back of her head so he can hold her stead and fuck her throat. Lando grips her hips and sets an unrelenting pace. Each movement is sloppier than the last. Each moan is more pitched. 

She swallows. Her throat constricts enough for Oscar to growl from somewhere deep and sum without any warning. The tears are streaming down her face as she gags on the new and sudden change of consistency. 

He drags her off and gives her no time to recover. Simply lunging forward and nearly sending her crashing backwards onto Lando. His hand goes back to the Brits throat while his tongue goes so deep into her mouth that there is no way he can’t taste himself. 

Lando is a mess of high pitched whines. “Please - please I’m close-” 

She inhales desperately as Oscar unlatches from her mouth only to find the sensitive spot on her exposed collarbone. “Osc-” 

“I could keep you two like this forever. Desperate and whiny. Leaking with the thought of how good it would feel to cum.” They are both letting out desperate sounds. “I bet that guy from earlier would have stayed away then. So consumed by us that he could smell it on you.” 

“Yesyesyes - please-” She’s going to lose her mind. Lando might be closer than she is and yet he won’t slow down. There is nothing but this until Oscar tells them yes. Because it feels better waiting for it. 

And Lando will always go by feel.

“You’ve earned it Lando, fill our girl up yeah? Make her cry harder.” 

Oscar has to cover her mouth as everything goes white. Her ears are ringing - swimming in the sounds of their voices and nothing else. It’s white hot blissful nothing. No thoughts or anxieties, no worries about some guy making passes at her. 

Here she knows the two men who want nothing but to see her smile and cry for their cocks. Which is a stark contrast considering - but she wouldn’t have it any other way. 

Oscar recovers the quickest. Swiftly jumping out of the truck bed to grab their extra blanket and hoodies. “I can’t really clean you two up yet, but will this do for now?” He shifts his weight between feet. Normally more prepared, ready to meet the needs of physical pains and emotional needs that come with the aftermath. 

They both nod and excitedly wait for him to climb back up. “That… was amazing,” she laughs. Her voice broken and hoarse from her throat being used. 

Oscar winces. “I need to get you some water.” 

“Osc-”

“Yeah.” 

“Relax! It felt good! It was great and we’re okay.” Lando gestures to the two who can barely move. Bodies still twitching from the overwhelming sensations. “Now we shall bask in the glory that is the ridiculous amount of cash we made tonight!”

“What are you gonna spend it on?” 

“You, of course!” Oscar leans her into his side as Lando throws an arm around her shoulders for good measure. 

Cars begin to drive past. Leaving for the night either to wherever they are staying or another race. They wave off some of the familiar faces and flip off the annoying ones. Yeah - she wouldn’t have it any other way.

[traumasurvivors]

I am finally putting together a FAQ for easy access for people new to my blog since a lot of these posts I think are helpful are buried. Some of these links link to posts on my blog, but some link to my personal website. My website is not monetized in any way, so there should be no ads or anything intrusive.

About Coping

How can I make a self-care box?

Here's some instructions I wrote!

How can I make a safe space?

Here are some ideas!

What are some ways I can ground myself?

Here is an article with a bunch of examples, but there are so many more that aren't listed here!

I'm struggling with trauma around the holidays and/or a traumaversary.

Here's an article I wrote on trauma around the holidays!

Here's an article I wrote with advice for traumaversaries.

General Trauma FAQ

Do I have to forgive them in order to heal?

The short answer is "no." What everyone needs differs. While someone may need to forgive as a part of their healing journey, this isn't necessarily true for everyone. Here's a post I wrote about this.

What about myself? Should I forgive myself?

That's up to you. For some of us, healing is realizing we never needed forgiveness all along. And for others, it can mean that we can't get to a place where we feel we did nothing wrong, and therefore, forgiving ourselves is the best way to move forward. Here's an article I wrote on self-forgiveness.

What is trauma bonding?

This term is often used in a colloquial sense when two people who have suffered trauma bond together over their trauma. This article talks about the technical definition and is about how someone going through trauma forms an emotional bond with the one who is traumatizing or abusing them.

Was it bad enough?

The short answer is yes. But you can read a longer blog post for why here.

I'm struggling with anger after trauma.

That's a really valid way to feel. Here is some more info on it.

What is hypersexuality and/or sex repulsion?

See this article here.

What is Trauma Imposter Syndrome?

This is when a survivor invalidates themselves by saying something like “my trauma isn’t so bad, other people have it worse than me.” Here's my post on it.

How do I talk about my trauma?

First, remember that you do not have to talk about anything you don't want to. But if you do, here are some tips I have.

How do I listen to someone talk about their trauma?

The first thing I want you to remember, when someone tells you that they want to talk to you about their trauma, is that their needs do not negate your own needs. Here's my post on it.

Is Healing Linear?

No. Healing is a rollercoaster. Here's a post on it.

About Abuse and Specific Forms of Trauma

What are some different types of abuse?

Physical abuse, emotional abuse, sexual abuse, financial abuse, cultural abuse. You can read more about these here.

What is Medical Trauma?

It is a vast term that includes many different things, mostly linked to major emotional distress that occurs as a result of hospital stays, illness, or treatment (so yes, therapy trauma is valid.) You can see my longer article here.

What is Parentification?

Parentification is a form of abuse where a child is forced to take on the role of a parent. You can see my longer article here.

Why do I love and/or miss my abuser?

Nothing is wrong with you if you love and/or miss your abuser. There are any number of reasons why you could be feeling this way, and I will share some examples with you. You can see my article on this here!

Other

Are they trying to manipulate me?

While there isn't a clear cut guide, some of the points in this article might help you in getting more information about one of your relationships.

What is consent?

Consent is a freely-given yes. See this post here.

How can I be prepared for sex?

See this post here.

I also wrote this article that covers the same points as the first post, but focuses from a trauma perspective. A lot of the info is the same.

Why is it important to validate my feelings?

See this post here.

I'm struggling with self-harm/What is self-harm?

Here's a post on this.

[a-commas-a-pause]

Ok I'm absolutely on board with the fact that AI is useless from an educational perspective and also fraud but I'd like to gently push back on the idea that chugging an energy drink and writing a paper in 40 minutes that was meant to take days is actually valuable to the student at all. The only circumstance under which I'd (very hesitantly) recommend doing that is when the assessment is summative (i.e.: counts towards your grade - especially in the UK many of them don't!) AND you're depending on that grade to open the next door you need open AND you've already tried to get an extension on the deadline and the institution is not playing ball.

The very fact that students EVER end up in a position where this is necessary for them is less of a ''time-honoured tradition'' in my opinion and more of a horrifying exposure of the flaws of our current education system. Panic makes it almost impossible to actually learn and even if it didn't, putting students through this stuff instead of just letting them have an extension (and providing them some extra resources for mental health and/or time management skills if it's not an isolated incident) is inhumane. You should not have to pull an all-nighter to get your degree. You should not have to do that! It's not a necessary part of the process and it's insane that we've started to act like it is, out of some vague sense that suffering is noble.

I know this isn't the point of the post, and I agree with everything that's been said here about chatGPT! But as someone who got through a very stressful undergrad by learning to ask for extensions on important deadlines, and someone who is now part-time on the educator side of things, every time a student sends in work to me at 3am or later (almost every week, when I'm working) I want to cry a little bit. It's not even a summative assessment! You can skip this week and fully hand it in after the end of term if you like, and I will mark it in the break! Please get some sleep.

chatgpt is the coward's way out. if you have a paper due in 40 minutes you should be chugging six energy drinks, blasting frantic circus music so loud you shatter an eardrum, and typing the most dogshit essay mankind has ever seen with your own carpel tunnel laden hands

[mymoodwriting]

6.3k, yandere, angst, mental asylum setting, psychiatrist!reader, demotion, threats, verbal abuse, intimidation, restraints, straight jackets, pills, medication, shock collars, therapy sessions, manipulation, aggressive behavior, amnesia, paranoia, creepy behavior, unethical practices, experimentation, supernatural abilities, violence, implied potential deaths, anxiety, panic, electrocution, mind control, telekinesis, telepathy, prison break, manic behavior, kidnapping

A/N: Hello everyone! This is my piece for the collab event to celebrate @bella-feed reaching 100+ followers that's co-hosted by @sanaxo-o and @dokyumms. I hope you all enjoy and please let me know if I missed something in the tags.

“So, how did you end up here?”

That was still something you couldn’t quite believe yourself. Just last week you were working at a psychiatric hospital, and now you had been transferred to this place, Nix Asylum. It was a rather isolated location, but the company paid for your moving fees and three months living expenses. Of course this wasn’t really something you could debate, unless you wanted to lose your job. So you went along with it and today was your first day here. You put on a smile and arrived on time, being introduced to one of the staff members, Dr. Lyla Mendez, who would be showing you around. 

She gave you a facilities tour, introducing you to other staff members and explaining how this place operated. Unlike the psychiatric hospital, all patients here were under strict care and not allowed to leave. They were rather special cases, and some were wards of the state that were entrusted to this institution. For such reasons the building had strict security measures and access to certain areas was off limits for a transfer like you. All of this you took note of, realizing it would take a while to get used to all the changes.

“You can stop pretending.”

“Uh, what?”

“We both know why you were transferred here, so there’s no need to be so polite.”

“I’m afraid I don’t-”

“Come on, don’t you know?”

“Know what?”

“Being transferred to Nix Asylum is a demotion.”

“Excuse me!”

“It’s true. You must have done something the company didn’t like, so they sent you here since they can’t just fire you.”

“That’s not-”

“I’m afraid that is the case. This place isn’t exactly nice, and the patients really like picking on the transfers. You were sent here as the company hopes you’ll quit on your own. Or suffer some minor trauma and have to resign. Or die. Either way, the company will take care of everything.”

“Are you joking?”

“No, not at all. The severance package is nice I assure you, but you should stick it out for as long as you can. The longer you stay, the more money you’ll walk away with. I think the current record is two months, for willingly quitting that is.”

“And if I don’t quit?”

“Well, there’s the chance you’ll suffer some minor trauma while on the job and have no choice but to quit. Whether it’s physical or mental just depends on the person. Don’t worry though, the company will happily pay your medical bills on top of the severance, so it’ll work out in the end either way. Even if you die the company will take care of the expenses.”

You scoffed. “The company isn’t gonna get rid of me that easily.”

“Well, there is always… that… option…”

“Which is what? I become a proper employee of this asylum?”

“Oh don’t be silly. It’s the opposite actually.”

“Huh?”

“Like I said, the patients here can be quite dangerous. You wouldn’t be the first transfer to suffer a major trauma by their hands and wind up a patient at this asylum. The company doesn’t mind that option either. We’ll take good care of you here if it comes to that.”

“What!?”

“Anyway, just cause this is your first day don’t think we’ll go easy on you. There’s a group session in the morning that you’ll be in charge of. Let me show you your desk and you can get the proper files so you can begin.”

Dr. Mendez just walked off, which meant the conversation was over. She had told you all this so nonchalantly you weren’t entirely sure if she was messing with you or not. Either way, you soon snapped out of your stunned state and followed after her. Regardless of what she said, you were here to do a job, and already had your first assignment. Your desk was a little cubicle in the corner of the main office. A bit of an upgrade from your last job, but you didn’t have a chance to settle in. You were handed a couple of files and then followed Dr. Mendez to the main area. She informed you that your ID was your access card and it would work to get you into the places you had clearance for.

“Here you are. I’ll be by later, so have fun, and good luck.”

You were left alone at the entrance to the therapy room. The door itself didn’t have a window and the panel on the door said there was an ongoing group session. You thought maybe another doctor was inside, but your name was the only one listed. If you were gonna leave and quit now would be the moment, but you weren’t gonna let the company win. You had worked hard for years, and maybe if you did well here you could get your old job back. You took a breath before scanning your ID and stepping inside. The silence of the hall was quickly broken by the sounds of chains and incoherent speech. You walked into a familiar yet foreign scene.

Most group sessions were conducted in the same manner. A certain number of patients were gathered in a semicircle to talk while the therapist was seated at the center. You could see your empty chair, as well as a small table next to it. Although the patients were something else. They were all in a straight jacket, some kind of security collar around their neck, ankles chained to the floor, and another restraint around their waist keeping them from standing up. All the chairs seemed to be metal and welded to the ground. Of course most of the patients were rowdy, trying to break out of their restraintS, seeming more animalistic in nature. Yet there were two who were sitting quietly, the two seated to your right. Thankfully no one really noticed your entrance, so you made it over to your seat and set down your files.

That’s when you realized your previous assumption wasn’t entirely correct. When you sat down you noticed the boy closest to you on your right was staring. His hair was white, and he had a friendly smile on his face, which made you a bit uneasy. The patient next to him was in fact sitting quietly, eyes closed and appearing to be asleep. You weren’t sure what to make of this so you looked through your files. Soon enough you had a name for the face, Hoshi, and the one next to him was Woozi. They actually seemed to be some sort of package deal as their files were combined under the name HoWoo and staff had nicknamed them the twins.

Since you were already looking through a file you glanced over the rest. That’s when you realized the files weren’t really all that detailed, just the bare minimum of information. It was just enough to let you know all the other patients present were aggressive and known to be uncooperative. It wasn’t all that surprising that this was your first task since your welcome wasn’t all that friendly and it was starting to become very clear that you were being set up for failure. Which also meant it was harder to deny the fact the company wanted you to quit, and that was honestly insulting above all else. If you quit and gave them what they wanted you’d surely find it difficult to work in such a field again. This was the career you had wanted to pursue and now you were on the brink of losing it all. 

“I know you’re a transfer, which means you did something, supposedly, bad. So what was it?”

While wallowing in your own doubts Hoshi suddenly spoke up and snapped you out of it. He leaned in closer to you, as close as he could with his restraints. His questions sounded genuine and playful, but you knew it wasn’t a good idea to answer. You were never really supposed to talk about yourself, especially to a patient, yet for some reason you felt it was okay, and the words spilled out of your mouth.

“I… I tried to help a patient…”

“What?”

“They… they told me they were being held against their will… and constantly medicated so they couldn’t think clearly… maybe it was stupid, but I believed them… especially since they were a VVIP and you know… it seemed more plausible… so I started to help them… I lowered the dosage of their medication… I tried… I tried to help… but when my superiors found out I was suspended, and then transferred here…”

“You’re nice.”

“Huh?”

“It’s good that you tried. I’m sure they appreciated that.”

“I… I guess…”

“I’m Hoshi by the way, and this is my friend, Woozi. There’s no need to worry about the others, they just don’t like morning sessions.”

“Ah, okay… I suppose we’ll just focus on you then. How long have you been here?”

“No idea. I don’t remember, I was young though, very young.”

“I’m so sorry.”

“I doubt I’ll get out at this point, but this place isn’t so bad.”

“Is that so? What makes you-”

A loud siren suddenly startled you, cutting you off. All the other patients screamed as well, but seemed to settle down afterwards. Moments later the door opened and a bunch of orderlies came in. They didn’t say anything but in groups of two or three unchained and dragged out the patients. It was only then that Woozi opened his eyes, but he didn’t look your way, he didn’t seem to care about anything. He merely stood up when he could and followed the orderlies out. Whereas Hoshi was the opposite. Once he was free he took a step towards you before the orderlies got in his way, warning him. He pouted but merely waved at you and walked out with his escort. You stayed put for a while, processing, when Dr. Mendez came to collect you.

“Come on now, your day has only just begun.”

She wasn’t kidding. You found more files on your desk and would be in charge of more group sessions. You knew this was another way to get you to quit. Exposing you to as many patients as they could and trying to overwhelm you. Sure they were restrained, but all it would take is one loose cuff and you’d be in trouble. You tried not to focus on that possibility, just doing your job and trying to help where you could. Although that was difficult. If the patients weren’t rowdy and uncooperative they were quiet and shy. So most of the time it felt like you were talking to a wall. That was your entire week, and by the end most of the patients did recognize you, they just didn’t respect you. That put you on edge a bit, but they were supposed to know you so it was technically a step in the right direction.

The only good patient you had was Hoshi, although things were a bit tricky with him. He’d talk, but he wouldn’t really answer your questions. Instead, he asked about your life and what you did outside of work. You shouldn’t discuss your private life with a patient but when Hoshi was around you felt oddly calm and that you could speak freely with him. You did try to talk with Woozi a few times, but you never got a response, not even some form of acknowledgment. He’d always just sit still and quietly with his eyes closed. Hoshi never commented or bothered Woozi either even though their file said the two were very close. You probably weren’t worthy of Woozi’s attention, at least not yet. Although it was difficult to try and build trust when Hoshi always pulled your attention towards him.

“Do you like it here?” Hoshi asked. “How is it compared to your old work place?”

“I… well… this place isn’t so bad, it’s just not what I expected.”

“What do you mean?”

“I got into this profession to help people, but I don’t really feel like I’m doing that anymore, at least not here.”

“Why do you say that? You’re helping me and Woozi.”

“We don’t have proper sessions. In fact, I don’t really have patients at this asylum, I just oversee most of the group sessions. Not to mention I feel like I’m in danger here…”

“There’s no need to be afraid.” Hoshi assured with a smile. “I promise no one is gonna hurt you.”

🤍🖤

You kinda got into your own routine with the group sessions, trying your best to make progress with anyone. Although to your own shock things got changed up for you. One day you came in and Dr. Mendez informed you that you would be having a session with HoWoo. If you ever got a patient, you thought it’d be someone more dangerous, or quiet, so to get the twins was rather surprising. You did have more of a stable relationship with Hoshi, so it made sense to a degree. At least now you could also try and break through to Woozi. Of course you still oversaw group sessions, but now you had a certain time allotted to your patients.

When that time came around you grabbed your files and notes, heading over to the room in question. You had a better understanding of the layout by now, but still needed to double check to make sure you were going the right way. Once you found the room you scanned your ID and stepped inside. As soon as you walked in, Hoshi jumped up from his seat. Your heart skipped a beat seeing him, realizing he wasn’t restrained to his chair here nor did he have a straight jacket. He had never been a danger towards you, but seeing him with more freedom was a cause for concern. Even though he still had the collar around his neck, it wasn’t reassuring. That is until you realized he was behind a glass panel. That detail put you at ease and you could enter without worry.

“Good morning, y/n. It’s so nice to see you!”

“Hoshi, we’ve been over this. You’re supposed to call me Dr.-”

“I prefer saying your name. Don’t you like it? Everyone else calls you by your title, but you get to hear your name from me! It rolls off the tongue nicely too.”

“Hoshi-”

“Y/n, y/n, y/n! Are you excited!? We’re your real patients now and we can talk one-on-one! This is gonna be so much fun! We don’t have to worry about others interrupting us and-”

“Hoshi, this isn’t a social hour.”

“Huh?”

Since you opened the door Hoshi had gotten up and walked up to the glass panel. He had his hands on it and was jumping around while talking excitedly. He was acting very childish, which he always was, but this was a different setting. He, they, really were your patients now, and you had a duty to treat them as such. Of course if Hoshi acts like this, and Woozi refuses to speak, they won’t be easy to help at all. Another reason why they were likely assigned to you. They were going to be a challenge, but you had no plans to give up on them. This was your first session, so you had to be professional and set proper boundaries. 

“I know it was easy to steer conversations elsewhere when we were talking during group sessions, but this is different. It’s just us here, and I want us to have a proper doctor-patient relationship.”

“…”

“Let’s start over, shall we?” You sat down. “Kwon Hoshi and Lee Woozi, it’s nice to meet you, I’m doctor-”

“I thought you were nice.”

“Ho-”

“It’s Mr. Kwon!” Hoshi slammed his fist against the glass. “To you, doctor. Are you here to fix us? Wanna talk about our non-existent parents? Or our silly little diagnosis? What does that piece of paper tell you? Cause you don’t know shit!”

Hoshi slammed his hands against the glass, frustrated and growing angry because of your words. He was acting out, repeating his actions over and over again. You tried to keep your composure, but he was loud and imposing. This invisible pressure started coming down on you, making it a bit difficult to breathe. You were scared, and your body was frozen in place.

“Answer me!?” Hoshi yelled. “What!? Now you don’t wanna talk!? Say something!?”

“Hoshi.”

Your gaze slowly shifted over to the person that had just spoken. You honestly weren’t sure if you had heard correctly, but judging by Hoshi’s reaction, you had. The boy seemed to calm down and took a breath, then went back over to his chair, slumping down and crossing his arms. He was pouting and looking off towards the wall, not wanting to look at you.

“I wasn’t gonna hurt her.” Hoshi mumbled. “I wouldn’t do that to her.”

“Hoshi.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Good.” Woozi opened his eyes, for the first time in days meeting your gaze. “You said you want to help us, do you mean that?”

As soon as Woozi spoke you felt the pressure on you disappear, but you were still rather in shock to hear him speak. Then his words, his gaze, were directed at you, making you nervous for a moment before a sense of ease washed over you. 

“Yes, I do.”

“Where do you wanna start?”

“Oh, um…” You scrambled to grab your notes, having prepared an outline of talking points for this. “Your file unfortunately doesn’t have the finer details, but it does mention that you were troublemakers before being admitted here. I thought we could start there. What kind of trouble gets you into an asylum?”

Woozi seemed intrigued by your question, but he had no intention to answer. He looked towards Hoshi, who seemed to sense his gaze and sighed. Hoshi was still a bit upset, but did as he was asked anyway.

“I’m not really sure how we lost our parents, but we were orphans on the street.” Hoshi explained. “We stole and fought to survive. Although we were eventually caught by local authorities and sent to an orphanage.”

“You both managed on the streets at such a young age, but surely the orphanage was a nice change. You had a proper roof over your heads, a bed, and warm meals.”

“I guess but we were used to the streets, we were used to being free, so we ran off all the time.”

“You left the safety and comfort of the orphanage?”

“Those places aren’t exactly nice. Although they kept catching us over and over again. That is until we were labeled delinquents and sent somewhere for rehabilitation.” 

“So this isn’t your first time in therapy. My assumption though, given your track record, you didn’t behave there either.”

“Nope. It was more difficult to break out, but we still managed it.”

“The orphanage and the other institution were both meant to help you. Why did you run from those places? Why did you reject them?”

“Why do you keep assuming they all had good intentions? If we didn’t act how they wanted at the orphanage we’d get punished, and that other place kept us locked up. Who we were wasn’t wanted by anyone. All they ever did was try to change us so we’d be ‘normal’ and ‘fit in’ with the world. I’d rather be myself than be told who to be.”

“Despite everything, your initial upbringing on the streets is a defining factor in who you grew up to. All you had was each other, and you lived how you wanted, how you could, and that was enough. Even now you still seem to live how you want, but because of that you haven’t really allowed yourself to grow.”

“Huh?”

“You didn’t have what most people had in their childhood. Parents, a home, etc. so it’s understandable you’d be against any sort of semblance to those things. You didn’t want to want those things, so you always ran from them. Yes, I understand the places you did grow up in aren’t some kind of paradise, but it’s okay to want what you should have had.”

“And what exactly would that be?”

“A proper home, someone to care about you and look after you, warm meals, a safe and comfortable place to sleep. It was never wrong for you to want that, even now it’s not wrong. It doesn’t just have to be the two of you against the world, constantly fighting for a place to call your own. You might not like the way some things work, but it’s not all bad, I promise.”

Hoshi scoffed. “You say all that, yet you’re forgetting where we are.”

“Then tell me, how is that you wound up here? So far from the world.”

“Well, you cause trouble one too many times as a young adult and people get pissy. Not sure how it all works, but we wound up being transferred to Nix Asylum before we became legal adults, and now this place won’t let us leave. We’ve been good.” Hoshi assured with a smile. “I guess just not good enough to release back into the world. Although that’s why you’re here, right? To make sure we’re sane enough to return to normal society. Are you gonna help us break out of this cage?”

“… you’ve never actually escaped this place, have you?”

“Nope. Security is really tight here, not to mention…” Hoshi tugged on his collar. “They got us trapped like animals.”

“That seems rather excessive. I’ve never understood the purpose of the collar. I wasn’t given any-”

“As a transfer they wouldn’t tell you anything.” Woozi cut in. “After all, you’re not meant to last.”

“I don’t intend to leave anytime soon.”

“Promise?”

Just then another siren went off, signalling your time was up. The two boys got up and offered a polite bow before walking over to the door. You hadn’t noticed until now but there were two straight jackets hanging on a hook by the exit. They each put it on and stood facing the wall. When the orderlies entered they immediately buckled the restraints and then escorted them out. You knew many of the other patients here wouldn’t be so cooperative, so clearly the two understood they had to behave in order to have certain privileges. After a moment you got your things and left the room, noting it was lunch time.

You were polite and professional with the other doctors, but hadn’t really made any friends. It was to be expected since everyone, including the patients, didn’t expect a transfer to be here long. Although, despite what everyone says, you haven’t faced any major difficulties. Yes the patients were a challenge to work with, but that was going to be the case wherever you went. All the stories you had been told about patients picking on transfers and you possibly suffering some kind of trauma seemed to be nothing but baseless rumors. When you first arrived you were scared, but none of the patients had ever done anything to make you feel that your life was in danger. Perhaps they liked you enough not to trouble you.

“So, I heard you had a session with the twins, how did it go?”

“It was fine, just a few difficulties getting started but-”

“Wait, they actually talked to you?”

“Yeah, although Hoshi did most of the talking.”

“That’s… wait, you mean even Woozi talked to you?”

“He only said a few words, why?”

“They’ve never actually talked to a doctor one-on-one before, they rarely speak in group sessions too. I mean, Hoshi talks nonsense, and I’ve never heard Woozi talk, I thought he was mute.”

“Oh, well I guess I’m just that good.”

“Yeah right, what did they tell you? Some kind of sob story about being falsely sent to an institution for help? Did they tell you they’re being held against their will and trapped here?”

“Uh…”

“Gosh, I guess they know you’re gullible, that’s why they talked.”

“That’s not-”

“Don’t believe them so easily. Hoshi’s smile hides his manipulation, and Woozi just existing is a danger. You don’t have all the details, but those two are in here for a reason, and they’re allowed to remain together for a reason too.”

It was frustrating that your file on them was missing important details. You were sure if you asked for their real files you’d be denied since your supervisors didn’t take you seriously. Although if you do manage to make some progress with HoWoo, maybe you can prove them wrong. You continued to have sessions with the two, but despite how things went the first time, they weren’t eager to cooperate. Hoshi kept wanting to chat about your life and Woozi was quietly in his seat, eyes shut like usual. For the sake of gaining trust you’d answer Hoshi, but didn’t give too many details. You gave vague statements about your upbringing and only mentioned a few places you had been to in your life.

“I’d love for you to show me all those places someday.” Hoshi stated. “I want to know the places that are special to you.”

“Your goal should be to go to such places to make your own memories.”

“Hm, maybe one day, when we get out of here.”

“That’s a good mindset to have. Now, we’ve talked enough about me, so what about you?”

“Our life is no fun compared to yours.”

“What makes you say that?”

“You get to come and go as you please, and you’re ignorant to the real world around you.”

“Such a statement may be true, but it’s not fair for you to assume I’d continue to ignore the situation if I discovered the truth.”

“You mean that?” Woozi opened his eyes, staring at you. “You’d do something if you knew what was really going on?”

“I’d surely want to find a way to help. That’s why I am where I am today.”

“Let’s test that.”

“Hm?”

The siren went off and your session ended. Your mind lingered on Woozi’s words, wondering what he meant. Before heading out you looked over your notes, not feeling like any progress was being made. Then you noticed something odd at the bottom of the page. There were directions that lead to a restricted area, along with a passcode and time. This was written in your hand writing but you didn’t recall every writing such a thing. You had no explanation, yet something in the back of your mind was telling you that you had to follow these instructions. So you did. Curfew was at ten. After that all staff and patients were expected to be in their rooms. Anyone caught roaming the halls would face serious consequences. 

Despite knowing all that, around eleven you snuck out of your room, making your way to the restricted area in your notes. Your heart was pounding in your chest and yet you kept moving. You avoided the guards and managed to navigate through the camera’s blind spots. It felt like you were very lucky to make it to your destination. Unlike the other doors, this one had a digital keypad, and would only open if the right code was put in. This was where you either made it or got screwed. You had the note in your pocket and entered in the code written. To your relief the door unlocked and you stepped through. Now you were on your own, having no idea what to do or where to go. Then you heard screaming.

In most situations you’d want to go in the opposite direction, but something about that scream felt familiar. So you followed that dreadful sound as it got louder and louder. The halls were a blank creamy color, and the place felt strangely sterile. As you continued to walk one of the walls had a glass panel and when you stepped to see what was on the other side your eyes went wide. Down below you could see some sort of lab. A test subject was strapped down to a chair, multiple electrodes attached to their head and chest. All kinds of machines surrounded them, and you noticed some rather big and heavy objects in the room as well. Although your greatest concern was seeing Hoshi being treated like a lab rat. 

He seemed somewhat out of it, clearly exhausted, but he wasn’t given a chance to rest. His collar suddenly flashed a blue color and he screamed as an electric shock was sent through his body. You didn’t understand what it meant, but he did. Hoshi shook his head and took a moment before shifting his focus, then you noticed the other objects in the room begin to levitate. You took a half step back in shock, finding it hard to believe this was Hoshi’s doing. Yet the boy screamed and the objects in question were torn to pieces. You covered your mouth as you yelled, starting to wonder if this was the real world Hoshi had mentioned before. That this was the kind of thing that made his life no fun. 

No wonder this place was so secretive and dangerous. The patients here were being used as test subjects for who knows what. Even if they seemed to be contained, you were constantly exposed to them and unaware of the real danger they posed. Now it made sense why the company sent people here when they wanted to get rid of someone. Regardless of the outcome, the company wins. A part of you was telling you to run, to get out of here before you’re caught and to submit your resignation in the morning, but you knew you couldn’t just leave now. This was wrong, it was unethical, and it wasn’t right to just leave. You had to do something, but you had no idea what.

“You won’t run?”

You suddenly heard a voice and quickly turned around, although you didn’t see anyone. You were alone, then you looked back down at the lab when you heard Hoshi scream again. You placed your hand on the glass, trying to think of your next move. Then you realized you weren’t the only one watching. There were other glass panels that allowed one to view the lab. Across the way you saw people in lab coats watching and taking notes, then you locked eyes with someone. Standing among the doctors was Woozi and he was staring right at you. There was no way to know how long he had been staring, but you had a feeling it was the whole time. You were starting to feel incredibly nervous and then you heard Hoshi laugh. When you looked back down to him you realized he was staring at you too with a big smile on his face.

“Hello!”

Now you were starting to panic as Hoshi was drawing attention to you. Although before you had a chance to run you noticed all the debris in his room started to fly around and break things. Hoshi was laughing maniacally, the machines in the room getting broken, and he actually managed to break free from his restraints. Sirens started blaring and red lights were flashing.

“Come to me.”

You heard a voice again despite being alone, and then your legs started moving on their own. You couldn’t stop yourself and your gaze shifted to Woozi. He was alone now but still watching you, a sinister smile on his face. It sent chills down your spine, but you couldn’t do anything to stop yourself. You made your way down the hall, the two boys disappearing from view, but you could still hear the chaos Hoshi was causing. You rounded a few corners and then found yourself standing before Woozi. A handful of people were curled up on the ground, holding their heads and groaning in pain.

“Woozi… are you… doing this…?”

“Help me get the collar off.” Woozi’s voice was in your head. “Please.”

Once again your body moved on its own and you stepped closer to Woozi. You walked behind him and examined the collar for a moment before reaching over to unlatch it. Yet when you tried to remove it an electric shock went off, affecting you and Woozi. You yelled and stepped back, and he fell to his knees.

“I said get it off!”

You didn’t want to get hurt, but Woozi’s voice wasn’t just in your head. He was taking control and making you do things you wouldn’t. So you grabbed the collar again, holding it tightly and pushing through the pain until it came off. You collapsed to the floor afterwards, shaking a bit.You were trying to process when you suddenly felt a hand on your head, looking up to see Woozi petting you, his hand moving to caress your cheek.

“Let’s go get Hoshi.”

“I… I…”

“Sh, you don’t need to be afraid, just relax, no one’s going to hurt you.”

Woozi held his hand out to you and helped you to your feet. Even if you didn’t want to, you followed behind him. He walked with confidence, unafraid of his surroundings. Anyone who got close merely collapsed to the ground screaming and grabbing their head. The guards didn’t have a chance to use their weapons. Woozi just walked past everyone, and you did too. You should be freaking out, but it felt like there was some kind of fog in your mind preventing you from thinking clearly. Before you knew it you came across a different type of mess. Staff and guards and other personnel were strewn about the ground, some with random debris embedded in them, and others lying in pools of blood. You weren’t sure if anyone was alive.

“Having fun?”

You turned down a hall to see Hoshi throwing some people around, laughing and clearly enjoying himself. When he turned around and saw you and Woozi his eyes lit up. He ran over and embraced Woozi in a hug. You could see that he had removed his collar as well. Neither was inhibited anymore. You wanted to run, but your body wasn’t listening to you anymore. The only thing you still had control over was your voice. It wasn’t really smart to talk but you had all kinds of questions.

“… why… why are you doing this…?” You mumbled. “All this time… with your power… you could’ve escaped… why didn’t you…?”

“We didn’t always have powers.” Hoshi stated. “Not until they brought us here and started using us as test subjects. It was weird at first, but these people weren’t gonna let us get away so easily.”

“But you just… broke out…”

“Yeah, they thought they had us under control, but those collars didn’t completely block our powers, not when they’ve become so strong. Besides, we never really had a plan for breaking out, or a reason. This place was fun in its own ways.”

“Then… then why now…?”

“Like you said, it’s okay to want things we were meant to have. A home, someone to love us. I guess that finally made us realize we do want change, so thanks for that.”

Hoshi walked closer to you, taking your hand in his, and then Woozi did the same on the opposite side. You stared at both of them, not sure what this meant.

“You encouraged us to want more.” Hoshi said. “So let’s get out of here together.”

The two started walking, bringing you along. You were trying to figure out your part in all this, but the more you tried to think, the thicker the fog got. The two used their powers together, rendering the three of you untouchable. It wasn’t long before you left the restricted area, making it into the main building. The alarms soon started blaring, but you were certain there was no stopping them now. You made it to the main entrance and effortlessly walked out. The sun was peeking over the horizon, and you unwillingly led them to your car. That’s when you stopped. For the first time trying to actually fight back.

“… no… no, we can’t… you two… it’s dangerous…”

“We just walked out of that hellish place with ease.” Hoshi reminded. “The rest of the world won’t be a problem.”

“… but… no… the two of you…”

“Sh, sh, sh…” Woozi took your head in his hands, having you meet his gaze. “There’s no need to worry. We have you to keep us on the right path. Besides, you can’t fight me. I’ve been in your head since the day we met, and we’ve kept you safe the whole time.”

“… huh…?”

“No need to worry about the finer details. Why don’t you just take us home now, okay?”

“… home…”

“Yeah, I wanna see where you live.” Hoshi said excitedly. “Let’s go! Let’s go!”

Hoshi brought you over to the driver’s side, and to your own surprise you had your keys in your pocket. You unlocked the car and got into the driver’s seat. Hoshi sat in the back and Woozi took shotgun. You started the engine, but that was as far as you wanted to go.

“Drive.” Woozi stated. “Safely, of course.”

“… I…”

“Don’t cause trouble now. It won’t last anyway. We’re really gonna get to know each other soon enough. So let’s go home.”

“…let’s… let’s go home…”

You probably shouldn’t drive in such a state, but it’s not like anything bad would happen. Not as long as they were around. Not as long as they were in control. As you pulled out of the lot and drove away from the asylum you felt that fog in your mind growing and slowly consuming you whole. You felt yourself slipping into the void. When you looked in the rear view mirror you could see Hoshi smiling brightly, sticking his head out the window and screaming gleefully. Woozi also had the window down, merely staring out at the horizon and basking in the sun. They were free, whereas you were the one trapped now. You had no idea what came next, and you’d have no say in the matter either. You could only hope they’d be kind.

[diminuel]

I can't help but keep wondering what Kite was doing during Marineford. A part of me wonders if Sengoku sent Kite off on assignment before anything was announced.

Since I enjoy daydreaming about angsty things, I've wondered about that too!

Kite should be on a ship far away, doing some field/ sea (whatever) training. Maybe that was the one good thing Sengoku could offer to Garp’s grandson because those training camps meant he wouldn’t have access to newspapers etc. It wouldn’t spare him the pain of losing Ace but it would spare him from witnessing it. But that ship had been called back, since it carries some of the best medical professionals that the marine has and Sengoku’s not as cocky about their chances to win again Whitebeard as to expect to win without losses of life and injury. But the captain of the ship probably got the information that they should leave the youngest members behind because they wouldn’t be useful in battle. But Kite is Garp’s grandson and certainly not useless in battle, so he was brought along.

And while he’s not pleased about it, I don’t think Sengoku’d let any sort of empathy get in the way of his great plan, considering that he means to have a public execution of Ace, spilling the secrets of his birth WHILE Garp is right there. And then he doubles down when Luffy shows up. Empathy doesn’t seem to be Sengoku’s thing. Sure, Garp wouldn’t have had to come, it’s a bit of a wild card that he’s here (and Kite too but Kite is a kid, any of the vice admirals could take him out), but Sengoku knows that Garp will not intervene. He knows his sense of justice.

So Kite is there and he’s having a very bad day. His brother is getting executed, that’s already horrible enough, but then Luffy and his father are both on the battle field too, maybe even Dragon makes an appearance. And Garp isn’t intervening and the relentless pursuit of Luffy because he’s Dragon’s son is abhorrent to Kite. Because he too is Dragon’s son. What does that mean for him? Will the marines turn on him once it becomes known? (I don’t think Kite has met Akainu for example, who would have recognized him and who would have reacted badly.)

He's got to watch his brothers (presumably) die and he’s seeing the marine’s injustice in action, he’s watching pirates have more integrity and disdain for the waste of life, than the organization he’s sworn himself to. But we’ve also seen in Fan Letter just how horrible the war was for those who aren’t strong and since Kite is a medic and he’s physically strong, he just gets swept along, trying to help. And I think that keeps him occupied and glued together both on the field and later when he’s working in the hospital.

But he has a breakdown when he and Garp go back home to Windmill Village, where Dadan beats Garp up. Poor boy. I think the only reason he doesn’t quit then is because the experience of the war with his fellow marines probably made him feel like he belongs somewhere. He's got friends now he cares about. He can't just quit and leave them alone.

(But he’s not gonna have a good time when Sakazuki figures out that Dragon has another son. Though by the time Sakazuki becomes Fleet Admiral, I think Kite’s become more collected and once they run across each other stupid magma dick has already experienced that being Fleet Admiral isn’t as easy as he thought it would be. Suddenly there are politics involved and he can’t just go mow down civilians and fellow marines for his fucked up sense of justice. But he’s keeping a close eye on Dragon’s son – or daughter? He’s got no idea, but he’s not gonna let No Brows Jr out of his sight.)

[pooks]

Ichiji never really found out why or how he knew his mother was going to die that night, long ago. He just knew. He couldn't tell if there was something in the air or just his instincts that told him. That night felt...too perfect.

It was a cool summer's night and the flagship was passing through somewhere between West Blue and South Blue. He could hear crickets and the cloudless night skies were filled by hundreds of stars. And he knew all this because he walked outside and towards the medical ward of the castle, to see his mother. The short trip had been easy, it was in the middle of night and no one awake to disturb him.

Ichiji didn't stop until he found himself right outside his mother's door. He knocked firmly three times and opened it, barely a second after he heard his mother's sweet voice grant him access.

"Ichiji, what a lovely surprise-!"

Mother looked paler that usual, almost white in the face and her eyes were so tired. There were more wires attached to her arms and some of them went under the neckline of her nightgown.

Ichiji stared at the woman who gave him life, vaguely wondering why she would have her own life drained while he lived on, like a parasite. "Why are you like this, mama?" He finally asked the question he had always avoided. "You're always so...weak and ill."

Sora gave a sad smile to her eldest son. "I'm dying, Ichiji." She told him gently. "Come and sit with me?"

Ichiji obliged and sat on a chair next to her. "Why are you dying, mama?" His voice sounded so...small.

"Because I have been ill for a long time and I think it's my time now." Sora told him and reached out to hold his hand. It was small, young and smooth. Her hand was so gentle and soft, almost frail. "Don't be afraid, darling. Death is just a part of life. All humans will die one day."

"Even me?"

"...even you, one day. And I hope you will be old and grey when that happens." His mother told him.

"Is it bad that I wish Judge went away instead of you?" Ichiji blurted out. "Our lives could be so much happier...so much better if only he was gone."

"I'm not going to tell you what you should feel or think, sweetheart." Sora said and carefully avoided the subject of her...husband. "No matter what your father says or does, you are a human and so are Reiju and your little brothers. You can't take away someone's humanity just like that, not even with the best science in the world. Not that he doesn't understand it." She sighed heavily.

Ichiji's throat felt tight, as if a big lump was stuck and he tried to swallow it. "Mama, what do I do when you're gone? Who will I going to turn to? What if once you're gone, I don't care about Sanji? What if I never loved him at all? I can't protect them all on my own, I'm too weak."

"Do the best you can, Ichiji." Sora said and stroked his cheek gently. "You're a smart little boy. Maybe you can't tell or show your love like I can, but you have your own ways. If you truly didn't care for Sanji, then you would've barely noticed his existence, right? You're not an emotionless person, Ichiji."

"But I have to pretent being one." Ichiji concluded. "Otherwise...Judge can do whatever he wants to us." he trailed off and he came to realize that this was it.

His mama was going to die. She would leave them all alone. Reiju would never speak to her again. Niji, Sanji and Yonji would never see their mama again. She would leave for a better place than this wretched prison.

He'll never hug her again. Never hear her voice again. Never see her beautiful face or her kind eyes again. This room would be silent and dark. And her bed would be empty.

Ichiji didn't know when, but he started to tremble and his tears wouldn't stop.

He'll never see his mama again.

"H-hold me, mama?" He whispered. His mother only opened her arms to him and he crawled into her embrace, holding onto his mother tightly as if she would disappear. "I don't want you to go...please, don't leave me alone."

"I must go, darling." Sora whispered and stroked his red hair. "It's my time. Just my time. I hope I was a good mother."

"Y-you did good, mama. I'm happy you were my mama."

Sora kissed his forehead. "Ichiji. Don't you ever forget that you're a human, no matter what. You are my son and I love you so much. I love Reiju and your little brothers too. Please, take care of them for me." She slowly let go to him and Ichiji slid back to his chair, he sat there and just held his mother's hand. "Promise to take care of Sanji?"

"I promise, mama. I will take care of Sanji."

He watched his mother smile to him as she lay down on her back, smiling sweetly to him. "Thank you, Ichiji. I will miss you."

And then, she closed her eyes as if she was about to fall asleep after a long day.

"I love you, mama." Ichiji blurted out, afraid that she'll never know unless he said it. "I love you and I'm gonna free Reiju and my brothers, I promise we'll be free and happy. So don't worry...I take care of it." He started to cry. "I love you, mama."

But she heard him. "I know." Sora whispered before she exhaled. In that moment, her heart finally stopped, her lungs stopped breathing and her hand, still being held by her first son's little hand, went limp.

Ichiji didn't allow himself to let out a single noise, but tears welled up and ran down his cheeks, flowing down like a river, while he suppressed his sobs. He knew that his mother had just died.

And he realized how lucky he was to be here, right before she passed away. She was here when he was born, holding him in her arms before he was ripped away from her by a cruel sire, and he had held her hand as she died, content and relieved that her children would someday be free.

Ichiji had promised and he would honor his promise.

[bygonearchive]

I was talking about moze with a friend and then this spiralled from there - still not quite sure how I managed to write 800 words in less than a few hours but ykw, I'm very happy with how this turned out.

Masterlist

Another late night, that’s all that this was meant to be. Struggling yet again to fall asleep at a rational time, you’d decided to abandon the comfort of a warm bed to return to the medbay. The routine was familiar to the whole express by now, as you’d become accustomed to one of the other members, they’d never given away who it was, or even if it was multiple taking turns, setting down breakfast on your desk in there for when you awoke after unfailingly falling asleep either in the patient bed or desk chair. 

Tonight was shaping up a little differently, or a lot differently in all honesty, because there was a man, bleeding, sitting in front of one of the cabinets, attempting to bandage himself while at the same time trying to clean up some of the blood. You couldn’t recognise whoever it was, considering they were facing the other direction, coated in blood. Getting Himeko or Mr Yang would be the best course of action; however, when you turned to leave, he spun around faster. 

“Moze?” 

He stayed silent, granted it was hard to tell if that was due to his demeanour or the head injury he’s sporting. Thankfully, now that you knew it was someone familiar it was a lot easier to decide what to do rather than continuing to be frozen in panic. 

“You’ve got to stop dropping in unannounced like this.”

The crow-feathered weirdo is silent as you flick on the lights, then move over to his side. A pin drop could be heard between the two of you, but ignoring that to go through the motions is easy enough. Moze had been dropping in with injuries more frequently recently, but his wound is shallower than any prior. First, help him onto the bed; then take off his hood, giving yourself better access to the injury.

It’s not until you step away for a brief second that he speaks. His voice is quiet, something that you have to strain to hear over the tap while scrubbing at your hands. 

“I’ll deal with the mess I left.”

You sigh, and if you wash your hands slightly more aggressively than needed, nobody will have to know. 

“That isn’t any of the things that I’m even thinking about. Why did you even come here?”

Maybe that sounded ruder than intended. 

“I mean, why didn’t you go to Jiaoqiu or the alchemy commission?” 

The silence returns after that, leaving you to gather some basic medical equipment to deal with the wound that’s been continuing to bleed the entire time. He barely flinches when you apply antiseptic and bandage it. The injury itself is nothing, something that looks far worse than it really is, which makes his appearance here even stranger. 

“You could have treated this yourself.” 

Still not a word and it’s almost infuriating this time. At this point, messaging Jiaoqiu is becoming an appealing idea; something you don’t consider much before reaching for your phone. Thankfully, you have the healer’s number; sadly, Moze seems against you doing so.

“Don’t.”

“He deserves to know you’re injured.”

“I came here for a reason.”

“Oh, I’m aware that there’s a reason behind this.”

Of course, as far as you’re aware he came here to hide the fact that he was injured. It was all too easy to see that’s what he was doing, but that doesn’t explain anything else. You know that you won’t get an answer either, so instead of dwelling on it, you return to the original goal you had for coming here so late. 

His eyes are glued to how you’re moving around, keeping yourself busy. Cleaning in a similar manner to his own habit, not stopping even as exhaustion starts to tug at you. There’s a small scoff as you sway on your feet for a moment, looking like you’re about to pass out on the spot. 

“You should sleep.”

“If I were able to, we wouldn’t be here right now.”

“You’re more tired than before.”

You send him a small scowl at that, nothing with malice, just mild annoyance. But was that a hint of a blush when you turned to him?

“I suppose as a shadow guard, you know some techniques to help fall asleep fast?”

“Perhaps.”

There’s a hand on yours moments after that, tugging it gently away from the supplies you were mindlessly sorting and resorting over and over. You let him, wanting to question why he’s acting like this, but being painfully certain you won’t get an explanation. Just as he refuses to explain the reason why he keeps coming to you, keeps coming to the express with increasingly minor wounds. 

“Sharing a bed with a partner improves sleep.”

He’s not being overly affectionate. Opting instead to pull you down next to him on the bed, putting his arm over your side before you can even kick off your shoes. 

“Is that supposed to be a confession?” 

No response. 

You can live with that. Because for once, he’s staying to recover rather than disappearing into the shadows again. 

This is a routine you could get used to.  

[skufdaddyswansea]

I’m genuinely curious what you would do if you were in Curly’s shoes for the week leading up to the accident. This isn’t a malicious question, I’m just obsessing over his inaction because genuinely considering the circumstances, what could Curly have done to prevent the tragedy? They’re a few months in of a year long expedition— too late to turn back, too early to try and make it to the finish line— and your estranged best friend has done something unforgivable. There’s no temp jail on the ship either. You’re all being fired after this. There’s no way for Anya to get any sort of pregnancy care or an abortion procedure on the ship, and she may well give birth during the trip. It’s like… genuinely, what do you do?

It's hard to say when you're on the outside looking in. When you're looking at someone else failing to do something, and knowing the consequences, it's easy to say "Well, I would have done this differently." But obviously I'm not actually under the same pressure, with a clock ticking over my head or anything, yknow? So all I can say is what I hope I would do.

Ideally, I'd like to think I'd strip Jimmy of his rank. No access to the cockpit, to be accompanied at all times (or at least as much is reasonable. But then I don't know how successfully you can rope Swansea and Daisuke into going along with that.) I can't say how that would turn out for the long term, 8 months is a long time. Especially with everything else going on. So plenty of time for someone to slip up somewhere.

I'd also tell Anya she was welcome to sleep in medical room since it can lock. If I'm being honest she might even be able to convince me to give her the gun under the right circumstances, but I don't really think that's a good thing, that could just as easily become a disaster.

As for the pregnancy that's... much more difficult. There really isn't anything Curly could have realistically done about that by the time he found out. Especially because Anya herself is the nurse. Swansea could potentially have the experience to give her support there but tbh I get the feeling he wasn't particularly involved in that process with his kids either. (...Does Curly have kids?? This is making me realize we don't really know what his family life is like. I get the feeling he's a bachelor though, it probably would have come up if he had a family to worry about. Anyway.) I guess the only thing to do would be to make sure to actually check in on her and give what ever support is possible.

And again, who knows if any of that would have worked out for the better, or if I'd be able to stick to it. No matter what you do it's going to be a bad time.

I guess in the truly ideal situation he'd have spotted the red flags in Jimmy's behaviour and done something about it long before it reached that point, but there's no way he could have known how bad things were going to get that far in advance.

So I get what you mean, I don't envy his position at all lol. Thinking about this did make me realize that I think the way I've been framing my Curly analysis has been a little overly judgemental. I just kind of assumed most people went into the game with the idea that Curly was totally innocent like I did, and then over-corrected to make a point. I still stand by my overall interpretation, but I probably should have been a little more balanced. After all, one of Mouthwashing's strengths is being able to put you in the shoes of someone who does awful things, and showing that they're still just a human with flaws, while not glossing over the ramifications of their actions.

[theforesteldritch]

This is going to be hard to articulate properly, but I feel like there's a strange phenomenon where some people will amplify intersex people on the topic of IGM and condemn IGM without issue (which, to be clear, in and of itself, is a good thing) but then are entirely ignorant to, sometimes because of genuine ignorance, but too often due to the equivalent of plugging their ears and going 'lalala I can't hear you', the issue of medical abuse when it comes to older intersex people. I saw someone once agreeing with how horrific and damaging IGM is- but then proceeded to essentially accuse intersex people of lying about our experiences of medical abuse in our teens and later, often when it comes to puberty. And unfortunately, a lot of this that I've seen comes from other queer people.

Which just. Is incomprehensible to me, mostly because I've lived through medical abuse based off of being intersex, but I think it speaks to the way people view victims of oppression and abuse. They want to be seen as allies, because they know that in terms of optics, it's bad to be silent on the oppression of other marginalized people, but they don't want to examine or even consider their own underlying biases and their intersexism.

Saying 'yeah, I'm against the medical abuse of babies', but ignoring what older intersex people face is seen as fine, because babies are almost treated as the perfect victims: victims of this systemic oppression, yet also fundamentally don't understand this oppression yet, because, well, they're infants. Babies are unable to express themselves (at least until said babies grow up), and so while everyone can agree that hurting babies is bad, those babies can't push back against other biases against intersex people that someone might have. You can, and have to, speak for babies, because they can't speak for themselves, but a baby also can't challenge intersexist beliefs the same way an older or adult intersex person can. It's easy to stand up for a group that can't tell you you also have the capacity to harm us.

And so when an older intersex person says, 'hey, this is medical abuse that I went through because I'm intersex', that statement is suddenly treated with doubt, especially when it someone challenges someone's worldview. 'I was forced on HRT as a teen and that was bad' becomes uncomfortable to condemn, because that's seen as something that could challenge, say, their experiences and access to HRT, and they're unwilling to think critically and look at that from a nuanced and deeper perspective: they see our fight against oppression as a challenge to their fight, ignoring that our underlying goals align: bodily autonomy and the right to informed, non-coercive consent. They can only see the issue from the perspective of someone who, say, wants to ban HRT, because they don't want to budge an inch to anything that 'validates' that take; they can only see 'medical abuse that I went through was bad and shouldn't happen' as 'See, this is why HRT is always bad and why this should be banned,' even though the same people who want to ban and restrict HRT also want the freedom to continue to abuse intersex people. It's a fundamentally defensive position that throws intersex people to the curb because people don't want to acknowledge and make space for nuance; it's considered too 'difficult'. 'I went through something bad because it stripped me of my bodily autonomy' is seen as 'I went through something bad and so I want to strip your bodily autonomy', and this fundamental misunderstanding and this caving to internalized bias against intersex people becomes a tool to attempt to try to better a perisex person's own material conditions on the backs of intersex people. It of course doesn't work, we're all crabs in a bucket fighting for air, but people don't seem to understand that, or they just don't care.

No one is immune to intersexism. You don't get to claim to be an ally when you'd try to drown the other crabs in the bucket to try and hope of being able to get more access to the air. But people don't want to confront or examine the fact that they're someone capable of harm, someone capable of expressing hurtful beliefs. And so it devolves into attempts to delegitimize anything anyone who tells you that you are in fact being hurtful.

[lazy-sixteen]

Replaying Pathologic 2 before I play Pathologic 3: Quarantine

Nice

I'd played it on a lower difficulty the first time, mostly bc I suck at combat

I didn't have too much difficulty with food/thirst/infection this time around even keeping all the Bound alive and saving babies, but god the combat

Like 5/7 of my deaths were the Worms in the Abattoir. Though got to say, I did really appreciate the Living Blood more given that I had to bleed for it.

2. Things 2 does that I like better than Classic

The Combat - I know it just complained it was harder, but once you've played a bit the combat in 1 is just too easy. I didn't even have to save scum to kill the Foreman

Infection/Immunity - Mechanically, just greatly improved. Not only in that I often felt immunity didn't do shit when I was playing 1, but also in that it adds to the story/characterization for the Haruspex to be far better at surviving the play with his medical knowledge coming partially from the Earth

Difficulty settings - From an accessibility and just a spirit of fun, I think all games should have these. Even if "Pathologic is supposed to be hard" is the point, what a 'hard' game is varies between people. I only believe in the 'git gud' philosophy of gamine for fishing minigames

A lot of character stuff - The moving portraits are gorgeous and expressive, and the characters in general feel so much more alive and fleshed out. I makes it so much easier to have a strong emotional reaction as the player, whether that is a 'good reaction' ( i would die for u, Murky💕) or a 'bad one' (sending Big Vlad to the pit😎)

The Herb Brides and the Abattoir and even the Worms are in general all so much more developed as concepts. The Abattoir specifically is gorgeous and awe-inspiring rather just a big cave. I had chills the first time I played that section

3. Things 2 does that I like less than Classic

I miss the first game's writing style. I do understand why they had to tone it down if they wanted you to really connect with the characters, but still...

I don't dislike P2 Aglaya , but she just isn't on the level of P1 Aglaya who came to town doomed but seething with betrayed spite wanting to at least take down her in-laws, accidentally seduced/got seduced by one protagonist, developed a will to live which she expresses by cucking the other protagonist out of his "Unlikely Ally, Maybe More ❤️?" role and shoving off her "Doomed Love Interest" fate onto bc she's meta aware

Really, really downplayed the Ripper aspect of Artmey's character - the games incentivizes being a goody two-shoes doc hard, and deincentivizes too much organ harvesting :(. Well, at least Artmey continues to have lots of lines where I genuinely can't tell if he's trying to be funny, trying to flirt, or threatening someone's life -at least we still have that

4. This rolls back to 2, but god the emotional core of this game hits hard.

You could let everyone die and still "win", you could leave that baby to cry the reward isn't that good, you could just care about yourself - but you won't because for Artemy the game is about love

And there are so many moments where that love just hurts - Notkin being infected and begging you to protect his friends, Murky saying she's always loved you, the children in the Tower where Artmey can't follow saying they send their love, cutting Nara while she promises this is all okay, the Earth's heart after all the pain and blood it took to craft saying it loves you, Sticky infected and saying to save the others first, that you can end both plays saying you chose to end as Artemy - as someone who loves and is loved

5. Death is my friend

One one hand, like in the sense that the Dead Item Shop is so, so useful.

But like theme wise, death is your fellow traveler, it is something inevitable and accepted, it does not have to be "Defeated" just temporarily overcome while you still need to keep living

Mark Immortell will even comment at the end that he didn't like Artemy's play because he wasn't afraid of death

6. "Hey, they bring up adults hitting their children a lot in this game where one of the big themes is trying to understand why your parent did something" -> killing Isidor Burakh was the one valid thing Oyun's ever done

No like really, a lot a lot. Sometimes it's serious like the Fellow Traveler's dialogue at the Dead Item Shop, sometimes it is silly like Artemy jokingly asking if Lara's going to cane him during the School House dream segment, sometimes it is oft hand like while he's grousing that Maria's father should curb her behavior

Which ties back into the constant talk that Isidor (one of the town's collective "father figures") wasn't afraid to break a bone if it set wrong, unafraid to use violence to fix something that wasn't 'right' - and then his violence of releasing the Plague onto his metaphorical child, the Town

Like you can choose to say that he never hit Artemy as the player, but that guy definitely hit his kids

7. The diagnostic + treatment mechanic is cool as fuck

And while it is very video-gamey, it does correlate amazingly well with the actual practice of medicine - that you have to treat pain while balancing out that pain is often your leading diagnostic clue, that you can't just say 'antibiotic' you have to know What/Where you are treating

Also just that to understand or cure means that you have to hurt/cut the human body. Like yeah doctor's aren't typically taking infected kidneys to brew antibiotics, but they do order painful biopsies to cure cancer, take living organs for transplants, etc.

i feel like someone on the dev team worked in medicine at some point

8. Actually, I like the endings. I think they fit perfectly into the Haurspex's famous, "Any choice is right as long as it is willed."

I will die on the 'they are both equally good, equally painful endings" hill

Either choice is about love, about choosing to live. Either choice requires you to take that step - forward or backwards - by killing.

9. The Albino creature thingy is so cute, the bulls are so cute, Murky's ugly little doll is cute!!!!

This doesn't have anything to do with anything, I just think they should fund Pathologic 3 with bull and creature plushies. This is bad idea, but it would make me personally very happy.

[myinconnelly1]

All the Luck in the World Pt 11

Masterlist

Warnings: canon violence, some massive gaslighting assholes, failed rescue mission, character injuries, mind blowing revelations

Pairing: Robert "Bob" Reynolds x OFC (you)

Word Count: 1307

Summary: With all her luck, Jinx has to wonder if it's good or bad. When she meets Bob, she starts to get her hopes up..

“So how do we get in this location without getting Valentina’s attention?”  Bucky asked.  They had an idea of the layout to expect since the plans were easy enough to find.  It was the things not in the plans that would be dangerous.

“She probably has sound barriers, I won’t be able to phase into the building,” Ava said.

“What if we knocked the power out to the building,”  John offered.  “That would keep us in the dark as well.”

“We won’t be able to unlock any electric locks if we shut down the power,” Yelena said.

“We should split up, we won’t have much time,” Bucky said looking at the plan.  “I got comms for everyone so that we can stay in communication.

“Alright, I’m just going to say it, we have to figure out what Valentina’s goal is, and this is our best opportunity for that,” Yelena said throwing her hands up.  “I will go on my own, I’m fast and quiet.  I’ll head here, where I can access the database.  Dad, you and John go find Meg, while Bucky and Ava get Bob.  We can all reconnect here,” Yelena said pointing to a lobby-like area near the exit stairs.

“Sounds like we have a plan,” Bucky said.  Yelena hated this plan, she wanted to save her friend.  Who knew what kind of mental state he was going to be in when they got to Bob?  But she had to stick with the plan, they needed information, and no one was better at getting that information than she was.

It was late that evening, and the team had their comms and equipment ready to go.  They stood outside of Valentina’s building, ready to get their friends back.  They split up in the pre-arranged plans and ran up the stairs quietly.  Yelena slid silently along the edges of the shadows to the central database.  She found the door to the room unlocked and slipped inside wedging a stick in the door so it would not lock her in.

“Now for the hard part,” She whispered to herself as she started to hack into the system.

John and Alexi were moving as quietly as they could, but their combat boots were not generally designed for stealth.  They looked in as many rooms as they could while moving down the medical wing of the facility.

“Alexi,” John whispered.  “I found her.”  He was looking into a dim square room with a single bed in the middle.  On the bed, asleep was you.

“Where do you think they have Bob?” Ava asked Bucky.  As they walked down a different part of the facility.

“Probably somewhere that they can control,” Bucky responded as they followed a think set of electrical cables.  “Maybe there?”  He suggested a room not far ahead of them that was humming from an electrical current.

“I’ll cover your back, you kick the door down,” John said as he turned pulling his gun and looking behind them toward the stairwell that they would be trying to escape down.

“I’m in,” Yelena whispered over the comm.  She was searching through the file folders trying to find anything related to Bob.  “Holy shit,”  She whispered as her eyes widened, and her shoulders dropped.  She plugged in the storage device she had brought and copied data quickly as she scanned through the medical testing files Valentina was collecting on Bob and you.  Full blood workups that were tracing the markers that were thought to be the Sentry’s effect on your body.

“Breach,” John whispered to Alexi, who then kicked the door in.  Emergency lights flooded the facility as soon as the door was open.  “Shit.”

You sat up in your bed startled by the sudden lights and alarms.

“Come on,”  Alexi said loudly over the alarms holding his hand out to you.

Blast doors slammed closed effectively cutting off Bucky and Ava’s entrance to Bob’s room.

“Can you try and get in?”  Bucky asked as the alarms and lights made them incredibly vulnerable.

“Well well well, Congressman Barnes, I didn’t take you for trespassing,”  Valentina grinned as she opened a door across the hall.  Ava phased out trying not to be noticed, but the high-pitched whine that immediately followed left her right where she was falling against Bucky clutching her ears.

Yelena jumped as the lights and alarms started.  She looked at the data percentage like it was a countdown.  She knew she still had at least thirty seconds before it was done.  Thankful, no one had seemed to notice her yet.  Yelena could tell from the files that the Sentry markers had not been present in your blood for at least three days, and what had started off as weekly blood draws quickly changed to daily when those markers were not present on week three.  There was one file she hadn’t opened yet labeled eyes only, and she knew she needed to see it in case she couldn’t get the data out of there.

You jumped out of the bed and grabbed Alexi’s hand as he pulled you from the room just as a door down the hall, in the direction that John was hoping to escape, opened.  More than ten of Valentina’s men filed down the hall.

John shot off five rounds trying to catch them by surprise before the three of you started sprinting down the hall.

“Turn right!”  You yelled at Alexi when there was nowhere else to go.  He slammed through a wall to his right as the men in front of you all started shooting in retaliation to John.  “Ah!” you cried out.  John’s bent shield was not enough to provide full cover for you all.  All three of you had taken some degree of bullet wound before getting through the wall for cover.

“The window,” John yelled pointing across the hall to a window.

“We’re three stories up!” Alexi yelled at him.

“What about Bob?” You realized that the whole group was not there.

“The others are getting him, we don’t have a choice,” John said.

“I can’t wait for the newspapers to get wind of a junior congressman breaking and entering,”  Valentina said smugly.  Bucky grabbed his gun aimed for the window behind him, grabbed Ava, and dashed out, dropping two floors to the ground with a heavy thud.  Ava had phased out part way down the fall to lessen the impact for herself.

“Yelena, get out of there now,” Bucky ordered over the comms.

Yelena opened the document and felt like she had been sucker-punched as it displayed medical test results that she had not been prepared to see.  The document confirmed that you were pregnant.

Bucky’s voice came over the comm and Yelena grabbed the thumb drive before running as fast as she could out of the building.  Something was going horribly wrong, and she didn’t know what to do other than run.

“Something’s wrong,” Alexi said as he and John heard Bucky over the comm.  The three of you stood to make a run for the window.  John shot the glass and Alexi dove through it feeling it shatter around him.

“Come on!”  John shouted as he turned to look at you over his shoulder.  Shots from the enemy guards kept him away from you as a dazed look came across your face before your eyes crossed and you passed out falling to the ground.  “Ah shit,” He curse knowing that he couldn’t go back to get you without getting caught and there was no way that he could make a safe landing if he had to carry you out the window.

“Run,” Bucky shouted as the Thunderbolts reconvened outside the facility.

“What the hell happened?  Where are Bob and Meg?” Yelena asked.

“It was a trap,” Bucky shouted as they all took off running back to the tower.

[mj-iza-writer]

Sp Special Containment Part 18

If you are new to this story or just need a reminder of how it is going, please use the hashtag Sp Special Containment to get caught up.

Whumpee leaned forward against the restraints so they could get better aim into the bucket.

They screamed as more puke came out.

"It is so hard... to throw up with these restraints", Whumpee complained.

"I know Whumpee", Caretaker looked at them sadly. They wished they could help more, "I'm sorry."

Whumpee was still in the medical wing.

They found it may not be food poisoning. More tests were running to see what was going on.

Whumpee was halfway through their IV at this point. They felt so gross now.

Whumpee was in a hospital bed designed for the weapons. The straps were just like how the wheelchair contained them. With the exception of their arms. They could be strapped in different positions for comfort and necessity. The bed could could also recline and be positioned in different ways depending on how the weapon wanted to rest or sit.

Whumpee sat up and leaned forward as much as the straps would allow. Caretaker held the bucket up for them for easy access.

Caretaker sighed as he wiped Whumpee's face again.

"I'm... sorry... Caretaker", Whumpee looked up weakly.

"It's not your fault. I'm sorry you're sick", Caretaker comforted, "let me get a new wash cloth for you."

Cass slid pass the guard, "still not feeling well?"

"No", Whumpee pouted, "I'm surprised I haven't puked my stomach out yet", they groaned.

The doctor came in behind Cass, "how's the patient? I just heard more throwing up."

"Is it possible to throw up organs.... because I think that's next to come up. I don't have anything else in me", Whumpee sighed.

"If it makes you feel better, we have found the culprit and cause", the doctor announced, "it's definitely food poisoning. Unfortunately, the kitchen staff had a new person prepping breakfast. They didn't pay attention to the dates on the packages. Expired food ended up in your breakfast."

"How does something like that happen? Their food is monitored so strictly. A new person shouldn't be handling food like that. At least not without supervision", Caretaker frowned, "this is not a good situation."

"I know. The Director is already aware and dealing with it", the doctor sighed, "on the positive side, this should only last a day or so, and I now know how to treat it. The negative side is that Whumpee is severally uncomfortable. We do not want to see any of our patients like this. Especially not the weapons, because of their survival mode possibly getting triggered."

Whumpee leaned into the bucket and gagged.

"I can't do.... do this anymore. It hurts too much to puke. Especially with the straps limiting my movements", Whumpee leaned back sorely.

"I understand. If Caretaker is okay with it, we can treat you while you're in your room", the doctor nodded, "I'd like to see you finish that IV first before you get moved back. At least so you're hydrated. Unfortunately, you can't take it with you because of the needle. You need to drink a lot of water, and there is a type of juice you can drink to help you with electrolytes and other good things that you are throwing up. You may need to come back tomorrow for another IV as well."

Whumpee nodded, " I am so tired."

"That is fine to have them back in their room. Just tell me what you'll need me to do for them", Caretaker stood, "they've had a long day, their room will be the best place for them."

Whumpee weakly fell into their bed.

"Thankyou for cleaning up in here... it smelt so bad", Whumpee frowned as Caretaker placed their puke bucket beside the bed, "I don't know if I have anything else to throw up."

"Cass and Andy cleaned it up for us", Caretaker smiled, "it definitely wasn't a good smell."

Whumpee looked around, "I never thought I'd miss this room so much, but I'm so happy to be in here again."

"I'm sure you are", Caretaker nodded.

"Okay, so remember what doctor said. You need to drink a lot of water to keep hydrated and this juice to help feel better", Caretaker placed Whumpee's drinks next to them, "doctor also said to get some rest. How about the guards play some soft music to help you fall asleep."

Caretaker pulled the blankets up for Whumpee and reached for their stuffie.

"I'm glad this didn't get dirty", Whumpee inspected it after Caretaker handed it to them, "I would have been really sad. It is the first comfort item I've had in a long time."

"Yes, I'm glad as well", Caretaker knelt beside the bed, "I will be around for another hour or so before I go to my room for the night. During the night, the doctor will have a nurse up here to help you in case you get sick again. I will tell you goodnight right before I'm off though... just like normal."

Whumpee nodded, eyes growing heavier, "could you please tell Aramais that I am okay. I know he was worried earlier."

"I will definitely let him know. I'll go tell him right now for you", Caretaker gently rubbed Whumpee's head and watched their eyes grow even heavier, "Goodnight Whumpee, get some rest."

Whumpee made a few small moans before they went completely out.

Caretaker waited quietly for a few minutes before signaling to the guards to buzz him out.

"Alright", Caretaker came around, "please let me know if there are any updates. Like I said a nurse will be up here to help with Whumpee through the night, but I can be called in as well."

Cass watched from the side, "I feel like I jinxed everyone this morning when I was hoping for more excitement."

"It's your fault", a guard turned with a grin.

"Sorry", Cass looked down with an embarrassed smile.

"It's the kitchen's fault", Caretaker frowned, "they need to pay more attention to what is going on. The weapons require strict diets for a reason", Caretaker sighed, "Whumpee hasn't eaten anything today because of this. The one meal they did eat was poison."

"They didn't even get any cookies today either", a guard frowned.

"I tried to give them some earlier. They had no interest", Caretaker pulled a bag from their pocket, "you know they're sick when they don't want any cookies."

"Well, I am going to let Aramais know that Whumpee is okay", Caretaker started for the door, "Cass I'm sure not much else is going to happen tonight. I hope at least. If you want to, you can go see how Mitch is doing. It will be lights out pretty soon for everyone. You're not use to the evening rounds. If you need help, you can message me, I'll be happy to help you."

"Yes sir, thankyou for training me today", Cass grinned, "I appreciate it."

"You're welcome. I hope you learned the second lesson..", Caretaker watched Cass's questioning gaze, "don't hope for action. You will absolutely jinx yourself, and have a hectic day."

"I definitely learned that", Cass nodded.

Aramais looked up when the buzzer went off.

"Oh, Caretaker! Um, sorry", Aramais lifted his blanket to cover his chest.

"No, no, you're fine", Caretaker entered fully and closed the door, "sorry to bother you, I know you're getting ready for bed."

Aramais nodded, "how's Whumpee?"

"That's why I'm here. Whumpee wanted me to let you know they were back in their room and doing alright. It was food poisoning from breakfast. Unfortunately, the kitchen staff wasn't paying attention and let something get pass them", Caretaker took a seat, "they will probably be down for a few days, but not too long. The doctor is watching them closely, and they have a nurse who will stay nearby for tonight."

Aramais looked down, "I'm so thankful that they're okay. I don't know what I'd do if something happened to Whumpee and Jaimie."

"Even when you get purple nurpled", Caretaker grinned and eyed Aramais's chest.

"Even then", Aramais laughed lightly as they looked down to where Caretaker was looking.

"I know you are self-conscious about the scars on your chest and back, and I won't ask about it, though I will happily listen if you want to share the story", Caretaker looked back up to look at Aramais's face, "don't ever be embarrassed or ashamed by something that happened to you in the past. No one in this facility will see you as weak for having those."

Aramais nodded, "I was, uhm", Aramais looked down again, "I was captured on one of my missions. My partner had gotten out and abandoned me for dead. Which was normal. We believed in fend for yourself, even when partnered with someone else. I was held prisoner and subjected to torture for months before I was able to escape."

Aramais sighed, "once I was out I had no where to go so I staggered all of the way back to the organization. Which looking back was a stupid choice, but I was young still", Aramais paused to control his shaking, "I thought I would receive some sort of comfort for what I had gone through... I didn't. I was subjected to rigorous questioning to make sure I hadn't become a traitor. After that, I was used as an example to the others. I was told that I should have killed myself. That would have been the best way to honor the organization."

Aramais moved the blanket to let Caretaker get a better look at the damage.

"They called them traitor markings. I was told to wear them shamefully", Aramais sighed, "to remember and remind others not to mess up. Even though I wasn't a traitor."

Caretaker sighed, then stood and walked to Aramais's bed, "the more I learn about you weapons, the harder I want to work to make all of you more comfortable. I want to work to protect you three so much."

Aramais smiled, "I can promise you. At least speaking for Jaimie, Whumpee, and myself. We feel the love and care you all give us, and we appreciate it. Even if it was half of what all of you do for us, it's would be appreciated more than you know."

Caretaker reached down and patted Aramais on the shoulder, "we are always happy to take care of you all. I'm just sorry for what all of you went through. I wish I could take it all away and let you three have normal lives."

Aramais smiled, "it's okay... I'm just glad I'm here now. I wouldn't have been able to meet all of you had I been given a normal life."

"Caretaker, I apologize the lights are about to dim" a guard came over the radio.

"I need to be going anyways. Aramais needs some sleep", Caretaker started to the door.

"Thankyou Caretaker", Aramais smiled, "I really appreciate you and all you do. You always know the right things to say."

Caretaker turned and smiled, "you're welcome Aramais. Have a good night."

"You too" Aramais watched them leave, then laid back down.

Caretaker watched Mcgee step out from Jaimie's monitor room.

They waved when they looked up and Caretaker waved back.

Caretaker wandered down a few halls in deep thought over the weapons. They were even able to watch Cass exit the facility to go home.

"They have so much promise", Caretaker whispered, "I just hope they don't get hurt doing this job."

Caretaker stretched tiredly, "well, you old man, I think it's time for bed. You may be getting a little to old for this now, but Whumpee still needs you. Retirement was never an option anyways I guess. Let's get to bed."

Taglist. As always please let me know if you want to be added or taken off of the list. It's not a problem at all.

@the-beasts-have-arrived @sacredwrath

@porschethemermaid @monarchthefirst

@generic-whumperz @bloodyandfrightened

@freefallingup13 @cyborg0109 @idontreallyexistyet

@whumpbump @skittles-the-whumpee

@expressionless-fr @theforeverdyingperson

@legendarydelusiongoatee @candleshopmenace

@whumpanthems @ivymyers @starfields08000

@a-living-canvas @lumpofsand

@watermeezer @indigoviolet311

@whumpy-mountains @risk606

@electrons2006 @paperprinxe

@whumprince @mis-graves @decaffeinatedtimetraveler94

@sausages-things @castiels-favorite-hunter

@isikedmyself878 @daffyduckcommittedtaxfraud

@valravnthefrenchie @glennemerald

@jasperthecapser @does-directions

@deafeninglittlecrown @jumpywhumpywriter

@blackbirdsinatrenchcoat @mylifeisonthebookshelf

@thenormalestever @whatwhump

@galatic-worm @starmoon-constellation

@bacillusinfection @whumpsandbumps

@tobiasbones @octopus-reactivated

@string-of-broken-hearts @weirdthingweee

Taglist for SP Special Containment

@written-by-jayy

@snakebites-and-ink

@makemake22

@gr33nhour

[pasteidolons]

𝔥𝔴𝔞𝔯𝔞𝔫𝔤 - 𝔥𝔧𝔰 || 𝔭𝔞𝔯𝔱 𝔳𝔦

pairing: hong jisoo x female!reader genre: historical au, fluff, angst, smut (later routes), supernatural members: lee jihoon, choi seungcheol, wen junhui, kwon soonyoung, jeon wonwoo, lee seokmin, kim mingyu, boo seungkwan, lee chan, xu minghao, lee chan, choi hansol warnings: crass humor and language, blood, violence, mentions of suicide, alcohol, minor character death, 660's sexism, crossdressing, medical procedures, political upset, historical inaccuracies for the sake of plot progression word count: 9.2k

taglist: @reiofsuns2001, @hipsdofangirl, @lovrehani

𝔭𝔞𝔯𝔱 𝔳 || 𝔭𝔞𝔯𝔱 𝔳𝔦𝔦

𝔐𝔞𝔯𝔠𝔥 15𝔱𝔥, 666 – 𝔘𝔫𝔤𝔧𝔦𝔫, 𝔎𝔦𝔫𝔤𝔡𝔬𝔪 𝔬𝔣 𝔖𝔦𝔩𝔩𝔞 It’s a brisk, nearly springtime, evening when Jisoo quickly races into your room, urgency in his voice, “Listen carefully. Jinsang has emerged out of hiding.”

Minhyun, trailing behind him, adds, “They are most likely heading to Fuyu.”

“Logic would dictate that…” Jisoo nods, “It is the only locale near Pyongyang with a dense enough population to feed his massive army before Silla pushes even more into their Kingdom. Their foolish plan to thrust Silla into chaos hadn’t panned out as expected, and it seems as if Minghao’s kept his word… Surely they are reaching the point of desperation.”

The Demon’s crimson stare flickers to you, “Since this directly concerns you as a Heo, do you intend on accompanying us?” His gaze looks impertinent, almost as if he’s testing you.

 Your mind is already set, “I’m going.”

 He squints at you in response, staring blankly at you for a brief moment before relenting, “Very well.” His curt response is all you need.

The last you and Jisoo spoke about matters concerning Jinsang, he’d been dead set on prohibiting you form getting involved, yet now, as Silla pushes further into Goguryeo territory, you aren’t as worried at the fear of all-out war breaking out. If Furies can no longer be used as leverage, then maybe Jinsang can see the error in his ways once he realizes how little Goguryeo values his experiments. You wrestle with these thoughts as Jisoo continues.

 “I assume he’s marching half of his Furies north as we speak,” He muses.

 “Minghao should already be there with a group of soldiers.” Minhyun says. 

“Then we will reconvene with him as soon as our business with Heo is concluded.” 

Ungjin is blessed with a quiet calm as its residents sleep peacefully in the dead of night. The three of you wind carefully through the city, making your way to the northern gate to head towards Hanseong. 

𝔐𝔞𝔯𝔠𝔥 30𝔱𝔥, 666 – 𝔊𝔦𝔯𝔦𝔫 ℜ𝔢𝔰𝔦𝔡𝔢𝔫𝔠𝔢, ℌ𝔞𝔫𝔰𝔢𝔬𝔫𝔤, 𝔎𝔦𝔫𝔤𝔡𝔬𝔪 𝔬𝔣 𝔖𝔦𝔩𝔩𝔞 “Have they already left?” Jisoo’s question rings through the nighttime sky, “I don’t detect anyone nearby…”

During your travels north, Hanseong was readily captured by the Silla forces moving towards the capital of Goguryeo, allowing you easy access into the city. It had been difficult to track down the whereabouts of where Heo Jinsang had been holing up the Furies, but Minhyun had gotten a lead towards this one particular residence on the outskirts of the city. 

“Oh!” You say, your eye catching something moving atop the roof before hopping down to greet the three of you. 

“It’s been a while,” Hak Ahro smiles, “I’ve been waiting patiently for you, sister.” 

“Ahro—” you begin before he speaks over you. 

“I’ve already spoken with Jinsang. He informed me that he had generously offered you the chance to join us, but…” His gaze flickers to Jisoo, “He got in the way of that, or something. Don’t you think it rude to interrupt an emotional reunion between a father and daughter?” 

Jisoo says nothing, keeping his guard raised as he glares at Ahro without humoring his sarcasm. 

“So?” Ahro asks, “Why are all of you here? If you’ve brought these two as your bodyguards, it can’t mean anything good. 

You know that speaking with your father had proved futile, but with their hope dwindling, maybe, maybe, you can get through to them. 

“Jisoo,” you whisper to him, “please give me one more chance.” 

Without moving his head, he shifts his line of sight to stare at you begrudgingly, taking his time to decide, “As you wish…” 

You feel a huge pang of relief, and after thanking him, you turn to face Ahro, “I want you and father to hear me out before this goes any further.” 

Ahro gazes at you coldly, pursing his lips, “I see… I think I have an idea of what you’re going to say. Why don’t you all come inside? Jinsang’s been expecting you.” 

The three of you follow him inside cautiously to the main room where Heo Jinsang stands. You hadn't expected him to be here, but somewhere far north with his Furies.

“At last,” he smiles, “you’ve come.” 

Although you’ve made yourself aware of all the horrible things he’d done over the past few years, every time that Heo Jinsang greets you with his jovial smile, it shatters you into a thousand pieces, “… Father.” 

Even if you aren’t related by blood, he’d dedicated his life to raising you like a daughter. As the guilt trickles in, you have to snap yourself out of it, straightening your back as you speak to them. 

“I dreamt of something. It wasn’t much, but it was a memory from my childhood…” You begin slowly, recollecting the memory, “I witnessed a vision of our village burning, and I recalled how the humans destroyed our way of life. Both of you were there to rescue me, and together we escaped the fire by fleeing into the forest.” 

“I can only imagine,” your father winces, “how painful it must have been to remember such atrocities.” 

You shake your head at him, “It’s not about me. I know the two of you have been mulling this trauma over for far longer than I have. After all that’s happened, I can’t blame either of you for holding onto your grudge against humanity for as long as you have.” 

“Then…” Ahro’s voice perks up at his attempt to interject, you can swear you see his expression begin to soften. 

“Keeping all of this in mind, however, I implore the two of you not to unleash your Fury army.” As you mention the last part, both Ahro and Jinsang freeze in shock. “We were able to avoid the terrors of war in Ungjin… Why do either of you seek to inflict pain on others? Haven’t they suffered enough? I’m sure neither of you want to impose the same nightmarish fate that we’ve had to endure, do you?” 

A forlorn expression covers Jinsang’s face, Ahro, on the other hand, is less sympathetic to the point you’re trying to make. 

“Don’t break your foot getting off of that high horse.” He frowns, “Must be nice living a privileged life, isn’t it? Do you know what I had to struggle with after our village burned down? About how I was treated with the Hak clan? Because I cannot bear children, they treated me like I was less than the shit they scraped from their boots. I was lucky they kept me alive…” 

Bitterness erodes his voice, “They broke me again and again and again until I was nothing. At one point I…” He pauses, shaking his head, “Thanks to them, I realized humans and Demons are no different. Power corrupts all.” 

Listening to him makes your heart sink. All that time you lived peacefully in Toehwa-hyeon… Just what had Ahro been subjected to? A life with no love or compassion, it explains so much. 

“Then what is it that you want, Ahro?” You ask, “Do you want the Furies to rebuild the Heo clan? Is that what you really want?” 

“Isn’t it obvious?” He spits out, “It’s my duty… I cannot let our parents down by letting our name hang in disgrace! I refuse to let those imbeciles destroy our legacy without putting up a fight! The Hak clan abused me, and the Demons in the south and north turned a blind eye to our suffering, letting our people scatter with the wind. How do you expect me to forgive them for spitting on us when we begged for their help?! Doesn’t that insult what it means to be a Demon?” 

Each word he speaks breaks off another piece of your heart as his festering resentment comes to light. Maybe you had judged him incorrectly and the only thing that can soothe his soul is… if he exacted revenge on every person that had ever harmed or wronged him in the past. Perhaps, there is no other way… 

Jisoo steps in front of you all of a sudden, not even looking at you as he speaks, “Step back” 

“Jisoo…” Just as you had feared, their time of reckoning has come. “Jisoo I—” 

“I told you to step back,” he barks at you sternly, and you can’t help but move. His hand reaches for the hilt of his sword, drawing it in one swift motion. Jisoo holds it comfortably in his palm as if it’s an extension of his own arm, and like a phantom, it glows, illuminating the room. 

“Hwangun’s Demonslayer, hm?” Ahro muses as his eyes track the blade. “Since that weapon was forged to kill Demons, it must mean you’re really going for us, aren’t you?” 

“Of course.” Jisoo declares. 

“Then,” Ahro smirks, “I suppose I’ll have to return the favor.” His hand slips into his pocket, procuring a crystalline vial. 

“The dishonored bastard of a Demon clan has to forfeit his life in order to become a fake, is that it?” Jisoo’s eyes watch the red liquid swirl around the glass, “And here, I thought you could stoop no lower.”

“It appears we disagree on what constitutes honor,” Ahro’s fingers toy with the opening, “No matter what happens, I cannot allow you to kill me here!”

“Ahro, no!” Taking a split second to decide, you sprint towards him to snatch away the serum. 

As you near, he shouts out, “Don’t touch me!” And he shoves you and your attempt at saving him away, causing you to fall to the floor. 

You’re too late, as he’s uncapped the vial and placing it to his lips, he drinks the contents quickly. Ahro grips his chest, moaning in anguish. He lets the glass slip from his hand, it shatters on the floor as it lands. And then, just as Jinsang’s had done, his eyes begin to glow gold. His hair turns pale white and two horns emerge from his forehead. 

Your brother has become a Fury. 

“See?” He smirks, “Now it’s a fair fight, isn’t it, Hong Jisoo?” 

“You are lost, boy.” Jisoo murmurs coolly. All of a sudden, an aura emanates from him as his own body morphs, his hair turning white, his eyes gold and the horns emerging from his own head. Both of them radiate spheres of energy, glowing white hot as they charge one another. 

The thunderous clang of their blades echoes deafeningly around the room. Their agility is superhuman, making it difficult to track the paths of their swords as they rapidly trade a flurry of unrelenting attacks. 

“You’re not quick enough for me!” Ahro laughs maniacally, “At this rate I will crush you in minutes!” 

Sparks fly as their swords crack into one another, neither one willing to let up steam. 

“Jinsang,” Minhyun calls out, “You’re mine.” 

“There’s no need to rush things,” Jinsang leers, “In fact, since we’re all together, perhaps you would be better off warming up with my beloved children.” He places two fingers to his mouth and whistles. 

From behind you, you hear the ominous creak of doors opening. Within seconds, your worst fears are realized. You find yourself surrounded by a bevy of red eyes, Furies calling out for blood. 

Minhyun is the first to reach, unsheathing his sword, swinging fast slashes at the Furies funneling into the room. Yet… Not even Minhyun’s skill with a blade can subdue the incoming Furies, they close in without flinching. 

“Bastards!” Minhyun cries out, releasing another volley of strikes. He has the advantage of battle-worn experience and superior strength but these Furies are different. His attacks do little to stunt their fervor, and soon, dozens of Furies have you cornered. 

“Minhyun! Jisoo!” You cry out, reaching for the blade at your hip to join them in the fight. Suddenly, you’re grabbed from behind. 

“Let’s leave while we can,” Jinsang murmurs to you, “No matter what anyone else claims, you are a descendent of the Heo clan. Your parents would have wanted you to join us more than anything.” 

“No!” You struggle under his grip, “Let me go!” It’s impossible to slip from his grasp. 

“Demons from the west and Demons from the east… Two species that have never been acquainted will now come together as one,” he says, “It will create the strongest Demon ever to exist. This is your destiny.” 

His words paralyze you with fear, and at first nothing he says registers. Is this what he had planned for you all along? 

If all goes according to his plan, then the casualties wouldn’t be limited to the Kingdoms alone. This affliction can potentially spread around the world, devastating countless lives. You can’t bear to let your life amount to this, nor can you stand to let yourself be attached to such a crime against humanity… 

Your eyes flick down to your waist, and you struggle in your father’s arms to grab your blade. 

“What are you doing?!” Jinsang shouts, “Don’t do anything reckless!” He attempts to pry the blade from you, but finds it difficult as you jostle yourself in his arms. 

“Let her go, Jinsang,” Jisoo says as he saunters towards the two of you. 

“What?” Jinsang exclaims, “How are you here so soon…? Don’t tell me Ahro lost to the likes of you.”

 “Are you deaf, old man? I said, ‘Let her go’.”

Your father snickers, continuing to ignore the command. Jisoo shifts his eyes at you momentarily, looking at you intently as he motions with his lips. It’s almost as if he’s expressing his desire to kill your father, whether or not you approve. 

At this point, it seems inevitable. You had spilled your heart out, and still he refused to listen. At some point, you have to accept the truth. Your paths had diverged some time ago, and it’s unlikely that you would ever see eye to eye about the atrocities he threatens to commit. Unfortunately, it leaves you with no other choice. 

You look Jisoo in the eye and without another second to hesitate, nodding firmly. 

Judging by his wry smile, it seems as if Jisoo’s understood everything. 

“Death is a messy affair, and this is certainly no exception.” Jisoo raises his sword, “Shut your eyes.” 

You appreciate his sentiment, but shake your head, “I am a Demon of the Heo Family,” you say, “The least I can do is dignify him with the honor of watching his final moments.” 

“You’ve got a stronger heart than I thought. Don’t blame me if this haunts you forever,” His attention then turns to your father, “Okay, Jinsang. Have you made peace with yourself? Luckily for you, I am merciful. I promise this won’t hurt; well, not too much.” 

He raises his sword high above your father’s head, stopping within inches of his face. Panic suddenly set in for Jinsang, realizing there would be no escape from his execution until— His eyes begin to glow menacingly, focusing his Fury powers within himself, causing the ground underfoot to rumble. 

Jinsang breaks away from you to rush at Jisoo. But it’s no use. Their difference in power is palpable. Jisoo effortlessly swings his sword at the oncoming Jinsang, and in an instant, a deep, wide gash appears on your father’s sunken chest. 

A splash of crimson blood cascades in the air as your father cries out in agony. He falls, lifeless to the floor, limp and dead. Jisoo flicks his sword downward, sending an arc of blood droplets flying, before sheathing his blade as if to make a conclusive statement. 

You run to your father’s corpse when something peculiar occurs. After the color leaves his face, his flesh begins to smolder, similar to the burning logs of a fire, and slowly, he turns to ash before you. As he disintegrates, what remains of his body floats away with the breeze, leaving behind nothing in its wake. 

At long last, Heo Jinsang is dead. The man for whom you had spent years searching for had, once again, exited your life without a word. 

Although you had accepted the possibility of his death long ago, your body feels suddenly light, perhaps feeling his empty weight in your broken heart. You cannot understand how it has come to this. 

Reflecting on those circumstances sends you into a defeated slump, and without saying a word, Jisoo draws you into his embrace, your tears staining his robes.

“Jisoo,” you murmur, unable to look up at him. Whatever he has to say on the matter is an enigma to you, but for now you take solace in the comfort of his arms. You don’t think you can stand even if you want to.

 “What happened to Ahro? Did you…?” What do you want to say? ‘Kill him’? The words are unable to form. 

“I injured him, but he escaped.” Jisoo says quietly, “However since it was a wound inflicted by my blade, it will take some time to heal.” The tone of his voice gives you the impression that he’s trying to put you at ease, but you doubt Ahro would completely heal from an injury Jisoo would’ve given him. Yet the fact that he’s attempting to show you kindness makes all the difference in this moment. 

“Father was a wonderful man… He was…” Your heart feels so heavy that you barely notice the tears streaming from your eyes. “He cared so much for his patients I just—I don’t understand… I was proud to call him my father.” The bittersweet memory of your childhood comes flooding back to you, which seems to only exacerbate your tears. 

“I wonder what caused him to change so drastically?” 

“If your village hadn’t been burned to the ground, then perhaps there would have been some hope of saving the man he used to be,” Jisoo says slowly, “At the end of the day, humans are to blame.” 

There’s a resentful undertone lurking in his hushed voice. Jisoo is unashamedly proud to be a Demon. Eventually, this pride morphed into hatred, a potent discontent for everyone he considers beneath him. You can only imagine how difficult it must have been to murder one of his own kin. 

“I understand…” Although humans had been responsible for the death of your people, which led to them following this path of bitter revenge… Your family chose to let it consume them to the point of no return. However, it’s easier to conceptualize than it is to accept. 

“I’m just so heartbroken,” you sob so hard that your eyes begin to burn. Jisoo, sensing your pain, holds you just a bit tighter. “I know what you mean, though… Some humans are unmistakably evil, but others are okay…” Tears drip into your mouth as you speak, their saltiness stinging. “There are so many people who commit their lives to pursuits other than power.” 

In your experience, the Hwarang had been a prime example of this, you want nothing more than to learn of their fate. You need to find them, wherever they are. Now that you’ve lost your father, there aren’t many other convictions worth seeing to their end. 

After a few more moments, you pull away from Jisoo and he turns to Minhyun, “I believe the fighting will soon stop in Fuyu.” 

“Even though they’re fighting Furies, I doubt Minghao will have much trouble. Perhaps we should come to his aid,” Minhyun suggests. 

“Indeed,” Jisoo nods before turning to face you. “Return to the inn.” 

“What?” You shake your head, “I can’t just let you two handle this alone…” 

“Don’t flatter yourself. What good do you expect to do? You look dreadful,” he says, furrowing his brow. “Hurry up and return to the inn. Get some rest… Got it?” 

You’re concerned about the outcome of Fuyu, but you trust Jisoo to take care of things, and you’re comforted by the fact that he’s looking out for you. 

𝔄𝔭𝔯𝔦𝔩 8𝔱𝔥, 666 – ℌ𝔞𝔫𝔰𝔢𝔬𝔫𝔤, 𝔎𝔦𝔫𝔤𝔡𝔬𝔪 𝔬𝔣 𝔖𝔦𝔩𝔩𝔞 After days of waiting, Jisoo finally returns, slinking into the inn with a reserved expression. 

“Minghao performed his duty and destroyed all of the Heo’s monsters,” Jisoo reports, “If you sincerely wish to reunite with the Hwarang, then prepare your things at once.” He speaks curtly, leaving you with that as he exits your room. 

You quickly rummage to gather your things, your thoughts lingering on your father as you find one of his old books tucked away in your bag. Although, your attention is turned to the door once again as Jisoo steps inside, sporting a whole new wardrobe. 

It takes you a moment to recognize him as he’s wearing Tang styled clothing. It clings to the dimensions of his body so nicely that you can’t help but feel your face warm at how… nice he looks. You look away to keep from staring at him. 

“What’s with your face?” He asks, “Do you want a uniform like this?” 

“O-oh, no, that’s not it.” You shake your head, shoving things into your bag. “They just look a little uncomfortable.” 

“Not at all,” he muses, flexing out his arms, “To tell you the truth, they’re a bit easier to maneuver in than my typical clothes. Perhaps I will have a set made for you one day, look forward to it.” 

“I couldn’t—” you say quickly. 

“I’m trying to show you kindness, it’s a gift.” He sighs out, “Quit wallowing in your self-pity for once. Now, there are people waiting for us. Let’s go.” 

“People…?” You ask, following him outside. “Oh, hello Minghao… Are you the person waiting for us?” 

Although you had clearly addressed him, he ignores you, making you think that you’re imagining his visage. After a moment, he stares at you intently. 

“Did something happen?” You ask with a tilt of your head. 

Yet again, he doesn’t respond, choosing instead to chew on his lips as he picks out his word carefully, “Do you remember the Hwarang captain Mingyu?” 

“Of course,” you nod, “He was one of the kindest people I met when I lived with the Hwarang.” Why is Minghao mentioning Mingyu now? As you consider the possibilities, it hits you. It feels as if one of Minghao’s arrows has hit your chest, and you’re finding it difficult to breathe. 

No… It can’t be. 

“Mingyu passed away. He lost his life battling the Furies in Fuyu…” 

“What?!” You cry out. Even though you had braced yourself for the possibility, nothing can soften the blow of the truth. “Wh- Why would he…?” 

Because Namekawa had mentioned something about how Mingyu wasn’t traveling with the Hwarang anymore, you had assumed he would’ve gone elsewhere other than the front lines. 

“While investigating the movement of Jinsang’s Furies, he and I crossed paths,” Minghao explains, “After briefing him of our situation, he and I struck up something of an alliance… All of a sudden, he began repeating how much he’d wanted to battle beside me. Maybe it’s me. Maybe I’m just bad luck, since everyone I fight alongside ends up dead soon after.” 

Although you’re watching his lips move, your mind instinctively mutes everything else that falls from his mouth. You try your best to focus on your image of Mingyu. There’s nothing of worth you can contribute so you simply stand there, demoralized and numb. 

Mingyu… Although he seemed rough around the edges to others, you remember him more as a gentle, courageous soul. How could someone so beautiful die so young…? 

“No time for tears,” Jisoo says, “You still want to find them, don’t you?” 

You nod silently, hoping that Mingyu’s death is the epilogue to your harrowing journey… Although you’re unsure if that’s the case now. 

𝔐𝔞𝔶 19𝔱𝔥, 666 – 𝔉𝔲𝔶𝔲, 𝔎𝔦𝔫𝔤𝔡𝔬𝔪 𝔬𝔣 𝔊𝔬𝔤𝔲𝔯𝔶𝔢𝔬 By the time you reach Fuyu, spring is in full bloom. You find the town has already succumbed to Silla as their forces begin to encircle Pyongyang. The town itself is still in disarray from the battle, its ravaged exterior telling you everything you need to know. 

“I have bad news,” Jisoo murmurs to you as you walk along the streets of the town, not noticing that he had joined you some time along your stroll. 

“Jisoo…” Your heart still reeling from Minghao’s revelation of Mingyu, you’re unsure of how much more you can take. “Please, go on.” 

As soon as you answer, he tilts his head down and speaks quietly, “In retaliation for their capture of Fuyu, Youngmin was tried and beheaded by the Goguryeo forces.”

A paragon of benevolence and leadership… Youngmin had been denied an honorable death and it breaks your heart to hear that he’d been decapitated like some criminal. For a moment you remain silent, softly turning your thoughts over in your head as Jisoo looks away. 

“You can decide whether or not you believe it.” 

“No,” you shake your head, “I believe you.” 

When Namekawa had notified you of Youngmin’s surrender, you considered this to be the worst-case scenario. You buried the thought somewhere, clinging to the hope that he could be rescued, or maybe they would show him mercy for his character. But hearing Jisoo say it, having it become real through his curt, impersonal words, is a devastating blow at a time when you’re reaching your limit.

“What does that mean for the Hwarang now?” You question. 

Youngmin had proudly served as the Hwarang’s Chief, and without him, you wonder how they would adapt to his absence. 

“I hear they’ve begun to march onto Geumji to continue fighting in their late Chief’s honor.” He says simply, “Where does that leave you?” His question seems less interrogative and more interested in your feelings, which you appreciate. 

However, you figure he’s intuitive enough to know that your opinion on the matter is unchanged, and you answer him resolutely, “I’m going to Geumji too. I’m going to wherever the Hwarang men are.” 

𝔖𝔢𝔭𝔱𝔢𝔪𝔟𝔢𝔯 5𝔱𝔥, 666 – 𝔗𝔥𝔢 ℜ𝔬𝔞𝔡 𝔱𝔬 𝔊𝔢𝔲𝔪𝔧𝔦, 𝔎𝔦𝔫𝔤𝔡𝔬𝔪 𝔬𝔣 𝔊𝔬𝔤𝔲𝔯𝔶𝔢𝔬 After a long and encompassing journey, Jisoo and you set foot in a small town some days away from Pyongyang, gazing at the peripheral view of its vast landscape. Tension boils in the air around the upcoming battles, particularly in the small villages in the area, just like the one you’re in now. 

It’s here that Hwan Minhyun meets you, giving you valuable information. 

“The Hwarang were fighting in Naemihol until mid-June,” He relays, “They held the area until Silla forces could successfully take over entire control… But they lost many men in the conflict.” 

“Just as I thought…” Jisoo murmurs, “Cannon fodder.” 

After being dealt another crushing wave of casualties, Minhyun mentions something that piques your interest. “They’re heading to Namhansanseong. To my knowledge, their plan is to fortify the fortress and hold it for as long as they can until Silla once again comes to their aid.” 

“Namhansanseong… Then that’s where we need to go, isn’t it?” You say quickly. 

“One would assume…” Jisoo nods, “Is that what you want?” 

Chasing the Hwarang is trying to catch smoke with your hands, they’re just out of reach every time. Would your reunion ever happen? Or would each of them succumb to a fate similar to Youngmin’s or Mingyu’s before this war ever ends? 

Fear and anxiety prompts you to speak, “I want to go.” 

“I’m unamused by your poor attempt at humor,” Jisoo frowns, “If you’re being serious, then I’m even less amused.” Sensing your resolve, he speaks bitterly, “Are you stupid or have you been living under a rock while they run themselves into the ground? Namhansanseong will be attacked relentlessly before Silla even sets foot into the area, are you sure that your Hwarang will be there when we arrive?” 

“I understand,” you mirror his frown, “but that’s the only lead we have about their whereabouts. I’ve missed them a handful of times now and I don’t know if I could stomach never seeing them again.” You stop yourself, biting your tongue from contemplating the worst. 

Jisoo’s expression, however, is as aloof as it’s always been, “Let’s suppose they are, in fact, at Namhansanseong. What the hell do you expect you’re going to do if you make it there? Waltz on in?” 

“Well—” You start before Jisoo stops you. 

“You would be killed. You’re an idiot if you think otherwise.” 

“I am not going to do anything once I get there!” You don’t need his sharp criticism; not do you expect to come and rescue the Hwarang. You just need him to understand how you feel. “I just… I want to see everyone while I still can.” trying to steady your breath, you continue, “I don’t know if I could bear the thought of never seeing them again before something happens to them like Youngmin or Mingyu…” 

“What?” He says bluntly, “You’re willing to get yourself killed for the mere possibility of seeing them?” 

“I’m not going to let them kill me…” 

“Mind telling me what you know that I don’t?” Voice piquing, “In case you were unaware, Kwak Youngmin has been executed, and his head is currently on display at Dosal Castle. Then there’s Kim Mingyu, who was ripped to shreds in Fuyu. No one’s patting him on the back for dying like a wounded animal. I’ve told you all this before—they will be a footnote in history.” 

He makes sense, if the fortress is going to come under siege it would be foolish for you to go. The Hwarang would die and be written off as some common foot soldiers, warping the truth and their meaning for a while… 

“I’ll remember them,” you state, “It doesn’t matter if people mischaracterize the Hwarang from who they really were…. I will honor their memory, and you can make damn sure that I’ll never forget it.” 

You can almost hear Jisoo gnashing his teeth as he glares at you, “I knew women were whimsied by delusion, but you are sitting at the top of the pile. Very well. Do what makes you happy.” 

An awkward tension lingers in the space of your conversation, making you unsure if Jisoo’s upset or just frustrated at your unwillingness to cooperate. His eyes are like daggers, sinking into you. 

“Let’s simmer down, you two,” Minhyun steps in, looking at the other man, “What’s the point in arguing? And you, Jisoo, you normally keep your cool around women.” 

He scoffs, “Maybe I’d keep my ‘cool’ if she wasn’t being such an idiot. This discussion is pointless. I have other things that require my attention, so I'm taking my leave.” Jisoo’s biting tone leaves you feeling uncomfortable as he spins on his heels and walks away. 

You contemplate calling his name to clear the air but Minhyun stops you. 

“You should go after him.” Noting your confused expression, he continues, “Jisoo is a real grouch, but he’s not the type of man that would let something frustrate him enough to walk off like that… I understand that you’re racing against the clock to see your friends right now, but it’s not like you’re in any position to get to Namhansanseong by yourself. You know that, right?” 

“Yes…” 

“Besides, it’s like you said. We have no idea or guarantee that the Hwarang will be there. I’ll do what I can to investigate their whereabouts for the time being… For now, why don’t you speak to Jisoo?” 

“Thank you, Minhyun,” you say quickly, beginning to walk after Jisoo. 

“No need,” he shakes his head with a small smile, “I’m simply doing my duty.”

 By the time you find Jisoo, the sun is beginning to set into a warm pool on the horizon.

 “Jisoo…” You timidly call out to him. 

He turns his head to gaze at you, but pays you no mind after and continues to walk at the same pace.

 “Where… Where are you going?” 

“If you insist on joining me, then shut your mouth and keep up. You’ll understand when we arrive.”

 You sprint up to try and further the conversation, but he seems unwilling to entertain such things. You peek at him confusedly, and you’re struck with the most peculiar feeling of déjà vu.

 “Huh?” Time seems to shift for a moment, things moving slowly as you look to a row of trees looming over the forested path. Its neat arrangement reminds you of a welcoming ceremony. Nose tingling with the most familiar scents; a fragrant patch of flowers dotting a lush meadow, dew clinging onto their petals…

 Your body is trying to tell you something, consuming you with a vague sense of yearning. It all feels so surreal, and you can’t place your finger on it. An ambient energy imbues you, a serene grace that puts your tired heart at ease.

 “Here we are…” Before you have an opportunity to voice how strange you feel, Jisoo stops walking.

“This place…” you can hardly form the words as you realize. Your eyes scanning the environment, hitting you with a blast of nostalgia that nearly topples you. Beside you lay a charred hut with fallen supports, your mind immediately pictures what it once had been. This had been a village, and in the middle of it lays a decayed well, encircled by overgrown weeds.

 Remnants of old life remain scattered here, an old bucket lay broken, an old doll lay weathered in the grass near your feet. There’s no mistaking where you are.

 “Is this the village where I was born?” You look to Jisoo, who neglects to answer you and shuts his eyes softly.

 “Hm…” Something catches his attention, his eyes shooting open and he darts up a small hill to see what it is. To your surprise, you see Hak Ahro.

 He’s collapsed in a bed of flowers, your heart dropping as you near. On the side of his ribcage is gauze that had been completely soaked in blood. You’re under the impression that he’d attempted to treat his injury inflicted by Jisoo yet… It doesn’t surprise you that he would flee here in anticipation of death’s embrace, left to suffer his last, bitter moments alone.

 “He’s been long dead…” Jisoo ascertains by the stiffness of the body.

 You take comfort in that, in the fact that his expression seems rather peaceful. Part of you believes that, after the evening passes, he’ll wake up to greet the morning and you could talk about everything that happened.

 A new memory begins to uncloud itself as you look on to your deceased brother’s body… It had been years ago, back when this village was populated and full of life. You’d asked Ahro to take you to see flowers… To see these flowers, even though your parents hadn’t allowed it. He’d offered to take you in secret, claiming that he’d protect you from anything outside.

 “I just remembered something important,” you say, feeling a hot, sticky tear begin to roll down your cheek.

 “Important?” Jisoo questions.

 You nod softly, “I was… loved. There were many people who protected and cared for me; most of all, it was Jinsang and Ahro...”

 “I see…” Jisoo doesn’t press the matter further. The two of you listen to the gentle hum of the wind passing through the bones of the village, grazing against the burned wood and worn stone. “Your brother deserves to be buried, a grave befitting the head of the Heo Family.”

Together, you hike to the peak of the hill that overlooks the village, and it is there that you bury Ahro’s remains. Jisoo keeps his eyes fixated on the grave for a few minutes after you have finished patting the dirt down. He sighs and reaches for the canteen on the side of his belt, pouring the contents gently atop the grave.

The gokaju reflects in the moonlight as it falls from the bottle, seeping deep into the soil. Jisoo is expressionless, watching the alcohol drip out as the container empties. His eyes glow with melancholy, and you wonder if he’s regretful about how things had transpired between the two of them.

“If it weren’t for the humans, then I am certain that your brother would have made a fine leader.” His sentiment is heavy, seeming as if the two of you are learning to navigate the nuances of your grief together.

‘If it weren’t for the humans…’ It’s a lofty idea, one that you will likely ponder for the remainder of your life. Things could have manifested so differently for Ahro and your father… At the very least, they could have made an impact on their people, unburdened by the curse of vengeance that unfairly plagued the rest of their short lives.

Ahro originally mentioned something about wanting to use the Furies to build back the Heo Clan, but in the end, you believe it all to have been a mask to hide the trauma inflicted by the wicked humans. In essence, he had wanted to preserve the picture of this village and everything it stood for.

Maybe—just maybe—he’d wanted to reclaim some of those memories that were viciously stripped from him. He was a boy whose every step was met with misfortune, tragically so. He died as he lived—alone. It’s the only way you’re able to think of him without slumping into a dark depression.

You wish and hope that his last moments were painless, that he’d been able to reconcile his hatred as he laid in the meadow of the one place he cared for. 

“Jisoo…” you call out his name once more as you leave the hill slowly.

“What?”

“I know that my father and Ahro committed unforgivable crimes against humanity and our people… Do you think it would be okay for me to remember them as gentle, kind people…?” Jinsang’s serum had been catastrophic, responsible for countless deaths. For them to violate the natural order of Demonhood, and all that encompasses your sacred existence, is a mark of condemnation to Jisoo and his kin.

“You are free to do as you please,” he says quietly. “The Demon’s Code has no bearing on matters of the heart. Regardless of the sins they have committed, they are still your family.”

His words bring a weight from your shoulders, “Can I ask you one more question? Demons far surpass humans in strength and ability, right? How can you explain what happened to my people? How were humans able to do,” you look to the barren village, “this?”

Jisoo tilts his head, staring into your eyes inquisitively. Perhaps he’s testing you to see if you can handle the truth; to be honest, you’re unsure if you are, but the question needs an answer.

“Goguryeo asked for aid in stopping the preliminary attacks on Baekje over twenty years ago, they needed more help than my or Minhyun’s families could afford to give them, so they went east… It was then they asked the Heo clan.” Jisoo pauses for a moment, “Your people, however, were unenthused about the idea of participating in human affairs, particularly in regards to warfare, and supposedly declined to help…”

Because they expressed no interest, you’re sure that the King of Goguryeo saw that as an affront to his authority…

“That’s why my people were killed? That was their justification?” You cry out in defeat and Jisoo turns to look at the remnants of the village. It’s futile. The past cannot be changed.

“Do you now feel their hatred?” He asks simply before uttering his words of advice, “Remain in the shadows, out of their affairs. This is where Demons belong. Of all the clans, yours is the one who put the dignity of its people first by refusing. The humans had no right to attack your people and were blinded by their lust for power and control.”

You direct your gaze to the forest floor as he speaks once more, his voice barely above a whisper, “It was never my intention to reveal the history of the Heo Clan to you, but… I suppose, because we are here, it is unavoidable.”

As you look at him, he asks, “Do you not resent the humans for what they’ve done?”

You mull for a moment, “There’s a part of me that thinks about how I should hate them… But there’s something overriding that angry voice and instead I just feel… heartbroken. I’m just filled with sorrow for what could have been.”

“Sorrow?” He asks and you nod.

When you first learned of what compelled your father and Ahro to embark on this path of revenge, all you felt was sorrow. Grief has taken you entirely now. You’d been reminded of the family you used to know as well as the parents you will never know.

“My real father and mother… And everyone else… Do you know how they died?”

Jisoo shakes his head, “I haven’t the faintest idea. My only knowledge is that none of them put up a fight, and were complicit in the humans’ rampage. It was an admirable effort, holding onto their convictions as Demons by refusing to fight the humans, even at the cost of their own lives.”

As you and Jisoo walk through the village, you kneel down to rest your hand to lay upon one of the fallen pillars that had greeted you upon your arrival. Had you touched this pillar as a child? Now it lies as a lifeless and forgotten artifact.

“Is there no way for us to live in a world where everyone can coexist peacefully?”

Why is the pursuit of peace so entrenched in the deaths of innocent lives?

“The Hwarang exposed me to so many different walks of life… A range of motivations, ideologies and ambitions.” When two opposing parties are unwilling to compromise, then it usually leads to war, yet… “All anyone should be concerned about is helping out their fellow man. It just breaks my heart to see that people are so willing to inflict pain on others.”

“I can see how hurt you are…” Jisoo takes this moment to console you, not refute, and nods quietly. There’s a kind twinkle in his eyes, which you notice to be uncharacteristically placid as you look at him. “Perhaps there will be a day when we will no longer need our swords to speak for us.” 

Eventually, you fall quiet, naturally running out of things to say. After a moment, he mutters to himself, “Humans are hopeless. They are, without exception, drawn to conflict like a moth to a lantern. This is why Demons have forsaken them, my desire to aid in their war wanes with each day. And of course, so should yours.”

“Jisoo…” You had no intention of being near this war, but there’s so much you need to do; namely, learn the fate of the Hwarang. Understandably, they are still deeply entrenched in the war and whatever outcome that awaits them. 

“Don’t think that I’m unaware of your concern for the Hwarang men’s safety,” he says abruptly. “If you want to see them so badly, then it is pertinent for you to exercise patience. If you become restless and enter conflict too hastily, then you’ll die before you get a chance to reunite with them. Impatience is unbecoming and I believe your ancestors wouldn’t wish that upon you.” 

“You’re right…” You murmur, coming to realize what he’s been saying. Jisoo is often blunt, if not outright rude. But he’s speaking honestly, and you can tell he’s genuinely worried for your well-being. That, you know for sure. “Thank you for looking out for me.” 

“Well, with your penchant for recklessness, it is a necessity.” He hums. 

“Recklessness?!” 

“How else could I describe it?” A grin grows on his lips. “You have no means of reaching Namhansanseong by yourself.” Although he’s chiding you once again, you find his delivery endearing, his words snaking their way into your heart. 

“Minhyun said the same thing that you did, Jisoo.” You say slowly, “he said that we have no way of knowing whether or not the Hwarang men will still be there by the time we arrive, so I should wait. I suppose we will have to until we know for sure…” 

His eyes scan you, thinning with satisfaction, “Glad to see you’ve wisened up by taking my advice to heart. Obedience is a good look on you, you’re well on your way to becoming a good wife.” 

“Way to miss the point!” You huff, cheeks warming as you speak again, “Besides, I’m not your wife.” 

After scoffing at his suggestion, you tun to get one last glimpse of the scenery around you. All you want is to reunite with the Hwarang, but now you can’t bear the thought of letting the deaths of your paternal parents, Jinsang, and Ahro be in vain by wasting your life so wantonly. You have to make absolutely sure to pick and choose your battles. 

As you leave the village, you put the image of the charred ruins behind you, instead carrying the resolve to honor your people and their sacrifice.

𝔇𝔢𝔠𝔢𝔪𝔟𝔢𝔯 15𝔱𝔥, 666 – 𝔊𝔢𝔲𝔪𝔧𝔦, 𝔎𝔦𝔫𝔤𝔡𝔬𝔪 𝔬𝔣 𝔊𝔬𝔤𝔲𝔯𝔶𝔢𝔬 After staying in the village on the route to Namhansanseong for a while, it’s found out that the Hwarang have made it to their destination in record time. Yet, the battle had been short lived, Goguryeo surrendered swiftly, wanting to save their men for the final affront from Silla on their own doorstep. You’re now unsure of the Hwarang’s whereabouts, only waiting anxiously as you and Jisoo spot Minhyun walking down the well-worn path towards you. 

“I have discovered their location,” he says quietly. He takes a deep breath and speaks somberly, “Allegedly, Boo Seungkwan, has passed away from illness in Sabi. As for Choi Hansol, he was last seen leading a battalion of men at Wangnam Pass, and has been missing in action. We can only assume the worst…” 

Your stomach sinks like a stone into the ocean. Suddenly, your breaths are shallow and staggered, they are… gone. Two of the most talented warriors in the Hwarang are now nothing more than just a faint memory, fading against the tide of time. 

“Wen Junhui, who had been reported to have left the Hwarang, is also missing in action.” You bite your lip. Is he safe? Are any of them safe? “Choi Seungcheol and Kwon Soonyoung, both of whom led the Fury Corps under the Hwarang, were killed in combat in Cholsan fighting Goguryeo soldiers.” 

“Seungcheol and Soonyoung too?!” You cry out. 

“The Goguryeo army was likely briefed of their use of the Furies and their weaknesses by Jinsang…” Jisoo sighs. 

Their deaths are difficult to take in as you swirl already in a pit of despair. They’d willingly gave up their humanity to become Furies, and not even that could save them. 

“What about the others?” You ask, looking at Minhyun. 

“Thankfully for you, Lee Jihoon lives and is en route to Pyongyang with his remaining men. They’re actually leaving from the port here later today…” 

“Today?!” Your eyes shoot open, looking towards the hill that leads down to the docks brimming along the town’s waterfront. 

“Did I hear correctly?” Jisoo questions, “Even with his men gone? That little dog still has some bite, huh?” He’d always been first in line to scorn the Hwarang’s actions, but this is different. His tone leads you to believe the he’s impressed by Jihoon, which is a little strange. 

“So, everyone’s still putting up a fight?” Life for the Hwarang following the Battle of Seorabeol is nothing but one continuous adjustment to loss and victory. Yet, they continue to push forward with their heads high. 

“What reasons have they scraped together to justify continuing on?” Jisoo murmurs, “As I recall, the Crown has never taken favorably to them. I cannot fathom any reason to risk their lives so needlessly. Yet, here they are…” 

“I’m unsure too,” you nod. Yet, you do know one thing. You celebrate internally, knowing their spirits are unbroken in the light of loss. 

“Speaking as an outsider,” Jisoo adds, “All they’re doing is hopping from one burial ground to the next. Can you honestly tell me that this is the future they envisioned for themselves?” 

“Yes…” Their steadfast dedication on the battlefield is a monument to the courage and principles of their fallen comrades. 

“Do you plan on following them to Pyongyang as well?” Minhyun questions. 

“Yes,” you nod, “The Commander may be unaware of the news that some of the captains have passed away…” 

With Seungkwan having died in Sabi and Mingyu in Fuyu, it’s unclear to you if word of their passing has reached him. It’s your duty to honor their memory by telling Jihoon yourself. 

Your eyes shift to Jisoo, “I want to travel to Pyongyang and meet up with whoever’s left.” Before you continue, you take a moment to calculate what you wish to say, “Would it be too much to ask if you’d join me?” 

“Me?” His eyes widen in surprise, “Go along with you?” 

“Yes,” you nod somberly, “Even if it will be a victory for Silla, I have a gut feeling that this is the end for the Hwarang.” No battlefields had been left untouched by the vicious torrents of the war, and Pyongyang stands as the decisive scene in your Kingdom’s most tumultuous chapter. “I, um, I guess that’s even more of a reason why I… I want to travel together, Jisoo. I want you with me when I witness the end of the Hwarang.” 

It’s surreal, if not strangely appropriate, of you to ask such a thing of him. Yet, because Jisoo’s been involved in so many duels with them over the years, you want him to bear witness to what could possibly be the Hwarang’s final, intimate moments. 

He listens intently, and when you finish speaking, his lips curl into a smug grin, “The ‘end’ for them, you say…? What an enticing offer.” 

“Thank you,” you’re flushed with relief at his acceptance. It’s felt like ages since anyone has been able to coax a sincere smile from you. 

“I suppose that means we’ll be off…” Jisoo says, waving a short goodbye to Minhyun. “It will be faster to sail there than to walk…” 

“Thank you, Minhyun, I hope to see you again soon,” you say, beginning to turn around before he stops you. 

“Hold on, there’s someone here who wants to speak with you.” 

Turning back around, you’re met with both the visages of Hwan Minhyun and Xu Minghao. 

“It looks like you’ve made it in one piece,” Minghao notes with a smile. 

“Minghao!” You call out, “What are you doing here?”

 “I just came to bring you something,” he says, reaching for a sword on his waist. You have trouble looking at it properly until he holds the sheathed metal out to you, and you can finally read the inscription on the sheath. 

“Is that… Mingyu’s?” You ask, reaching out for the leather holster.

 “It is,” he nods slowly, “I was unable to reach the Hwarang in time. If he had lived, I believe he’d still be here fighting by everyone’s side. He was tenacious.” 

Grabbing hold of the memento, you securely strap the sheathe onto you, letting it rest next to your own blade. The added weight feels as if you’re carrying along his legacy with you. 

“You’re an ally of Goguryeo, are you not?” Jisoo asks Minghao. 

“Like hell I am,” he scoffs, “I only answer to Baekje. Human history is only written by the victors, and everyone else is cast into the dirt. So, far be it from me to let their history speak for me.” 

“Smells like bullshit to me,” Jisoo hums. 

Minghao grimaces playfully at the other, then turns to face you, “You still plan on following after those Hwarang of yours, right?” 

“I hope to,” you nod. 

“Tell them that Kim was one of the bravest, most ferocious warriors I’ve ever met,” Minghao says with a smile. 

“Minghao…” Praising humans isn’t exactly one of his habits, especially to the degree he’s described Mingyu. Imagining what he must have witnessed with Mingyu moves you almost as much as it must have moved him, a bittersweet warmth swells in your chest. 

“Understood, I’ll pass on the word.”

Jisoo sighs, “Don’t bother. Isn’t this just another worm you’ve let crawl into your insipid heart?”

 “Well, look who’s talking. Who was it exactly that you came all the way here for?” Minghao pokes, “I bet you’re just as curious in seeing what’s going to happen to the Hwarang.” 

“Hardly. I am but a passenger of circumstance, which has taken me on the same path as them.” He shakes his head, “Enough wasting time, we have a ship to catch.” 

“Okay,” you nod and turn to the other Demons. “Minghao, Minhyun, please take care of yourselves.”

 As you bid the two of them farewell, Jisoo and you see yourselves out to port. Once arriving, you find the harbor to be eerily quiet.

 “Have they already left?” You wonder aloud, not seeing many people bustling around.

 “It appears as though the boat has already left the harbor…” Jisoo looks to the western ocean, “I believe we just missed them. They couldn’t have gotten far, so we may be able to see their boat. Do you want to try?”

 “Of course. Let’s go.”

 Jisoo and you ascend a nearby beach bluff where you hope to get a clearer view. A cascade of maroon ripples across the vast sea in a reflection of the wide sunset, and in the distance, you watch the shadow of a boat on the horizon.

 “Do you think that’s them?” You ask Jisoo as you squint from the light on the water.

 “I believe so.”

 You had traveled two Kingdoms searching for them. Now, once again, you have just barely missed them, left in the dust. A sharp pang shoots up through your nose and suddenly you find yourself fighting back a wave of tears. Your teeth dig into your lower lip, hoping to not let this deluge of self-pity come to the surface.

 “If you want to cry so badly, why don’t you?” Jisoo asks.

 “No…” You shake your head, the tears still welling up in your eyes. “Only because I can imagine how much pain they’re in right now… I have no right to shed tears when it’s not me who’s fighting out there.”

 Jisoo sighs out of frustration and closes his eyes, pausing as he shifts back and forth, “You know, just because you’re not good with a sword doesn’t mean you’re not fighting. Although your methods are quite different from the Hwarang’s, you’ve had your own demons to fight. Even I’ve noticed it.”

 It feels warm to hear his gentle words acknowledging how much you’ve been through.

 After seeing your father’s death, your lukewarm reunion with Ahro and visiting the village of your birth. Then your revelation of what had occurred to your friends. A tempest of grief gathered its winds in your heart, continuing to swirl with fervor as you try now not to collapse. 

You can’t cry… If you do, then you’ll blur your sight of the ship that houses the remainder of your friends in the Hwarang. 

“I’ll turn around if you’d like. Cry as much as you wish.”  Jisoo points his nose towards the ocean, which glows with hues of orange and gold under the glimmer of the late afternoon. 

In this moment, the levee holding back your tears bursts. Your forehead presses against Jisoo’s back, hands grabbing hold as well. Wailing as quietly as you can, you lament them once again slipping through your fingers. The ship begins to vanish beyond the horizon, sailing into the ocean’s furthest tendrils. Soon, it disappears from sight. You listen to the roar of the ocean for a moment before Jisoo speaks, 

“I promise you… I will take you to them.” His voice low, yet urging, “Just be patient… okay?” 

Jisoo, who previously seemed hell bent on abducting you at any cost from the Hwarang…. Now the shoe is on the other foot, and he’s promised to keep you safe on this last journey. Although, you’re unsure of when it’ll actually happen.

[schizochroal]

I think, right now if you're a transfem or trans woman, with any sort of income and address, in the US right now, who wants to go on hrt but for whatever reason you are waiting, I think you should seriously reconsider that. DIYing is still relatively accessible, and along with estrogen, while Spiro isn't the best anti-androgen it does the job for most people and is dirt cheap and easy to get. If you live somewhere and have the insurance or other means to afford it, I'd also recommend pursuing official medical hrt as well, but keep in mind that depending on restrictions put in place in the future, you might need to switch to DIYing. That being said, starting officially and then switching to DIY after a certain point really isn't that bad at all, hormone testing and stuff becomes much less important after the first couple of years. If you have insurance (and the right kind) , it could be basically free for you to pursue the official route, if ur insurance won't pay for it the doctors appointments will be expensive but you probably won't be spending more than 20$ a month for your hrt, assuming you go for something like Spiro as an anti-androgen. Even if you art totally DIYing , you're still probably not going to be spending more than a 30$ or so dollars a month for hrt, and I know it's possible to pay way less than that depending on some factors.

I live somewhere with pretty high food costs, so for me that kinda cost is the difference between say getting eating like just some rice and beans or something a couples nights in a month instead of getting fast food or whatever. Tbh most of the people I know are pretty poor by American standards, but still make random purchases on stuff like food , video games, clothes, caffeine, weed, etc. that are a lot more than they would need to pay for hrt even at full DIY prices.

Like if you're holding off for financial or other reasons, I think you really should seriously consider whether those reasons are worth continuing to put it off when in all likelihood beginning hrt is only gonna get harder in the future, and every year you wait is another year you could instead spend living the life you actually want.

Starting is always scary, but like nothing about HRT is instantaneous, depending on ur hair and fashion you can probably guarantee that u can still fly under the radar for at least a year after starting hrt, potentially a lot longer. And a year is a long time to figure out if uve jumped the gun and it really would be better for you to wait, and for the most part it takes a long time for any non-reversible changes to happen (other than maybe some breast growth, but like plenty of cis guys have gynecomastia, it's not that big of a deal). But the only way you're going to be able to find that out is if you start. And honestly, outside of some very specific individuals, I think for most of us there is not going to be another, better time to start her anytime in the near future!