#and who go out of their way to be uncurious about a thing they like

[neotula]

just constantly internally screaming about the wildest star wars takes from people who clearly. clearly just watched the base movies. it's fine. i'm fine. youre fine.

[saintgoths]

ᴡᴀᴛᴇʀꜱᴏɴɢ

POSSESSIVE!JOEL X SIREN!READER - WATERSONG.

[PART FIVE TO THE SIREN SERIES].

WORD COUNT - 4,020.

RATING - G+. [mentions of sex, canon typical violence and angst].

SUMMARY - an emergency shift causes the patrol group to clear-out a large number of infected outside of jackson, unaware of how vast the number was going to be, causes a last minute escape that makes people in the group separated and you stuck in the middle of no where with joel, leaving only the both of yours pent up sadness and heartbreak to explode.

if you want to join a the last of us/joel miller discord here you go! 𓆩♡𓆪

feedback would be appreciated! +what do you think of shiloh?

“I think you would like Shiloh,” you contently smiled from the open kitchen, Ellie had currently been in the living room while you had made snacks for the movie you two were about to watch, Ellie had insisted that the both of you should watch Aquamarine due to Cat’s taste in mermaid/siren movies, you had found it cute that Ellie had taken interests of things her girlfriend had liked but you had hoped that Ellie wouldn’t lose a part of herself for the relationship. She was a girl who was interested in action and planet movies, you had an idea to look for a movie that at least had one of those themes.

Uninterested, Ellie had shrugged her shoulders, “I don’t think I would.”

Dramatically, you had pouted at Ellie’s response, during the moment you dragged yourself to the sofa Ellie had sat on, you had slumped the main snack bowl against her lap, Ellie wasn’t someone who ate much, but whenever she was around you, she’d eat an entire horse, mostly to satisfy you, purely because you had noticed the lack of refreshments she would take in, and it upset you. Plus, Ellie didn’t want you to nag her, yet, she had found the snacks you would usually make for her tasty.

“He’s interested in the things you are,” you commented, “he draws and he paints,” you gradually listed, “he draws and paints me every time, after this I’d show you some of the pieces, he’s made of me you’d love it.”

Yet, you’d have to be careful of the pieces you’d show Ellie, aside from some of the Siren art he has made of you, Shiloh had imperceptibly created pieces of you where you had been naked, there had even been a piece where you had your legs wide open and his face between your legs, your cheeks had steadily flustered at the piece of memory. Being with Shiloh was an adventure, it had been two weeks since you two had been together and during those two weeks the both of you had been having endless of sex.

No matter how much Ellie was intrigued by the piece of information, she restricted herself by being bought into Shiloh’s charms and skills. “Joel has been miserable without you.”

Promptly, it was your turn to shrug your shoulders, “it was Joel who broke up with me not the other way round.” Your voice was strong and forward, and Ellie had noticed the bitter look you had on your face during the moment you had turned on the movie, your lips were pressed into a thin line and the hiemal and aloof expression you had on your face had made the young girl inquisitive to what had happened between the two of you.

“Why did you two break up?” Ellie asked, her voice hadn’t been curious but you could tell that she was dying to know.

“There were just some differences,” you replied, your answer short and curt and evidently not enough for the younger girl.

“I feel like you guys are hiding something from me, like there’s something else,” Ellie pleaded, she couldn’t keep her faux uncurious look on her face any longer, Joel had been the same, he was vague about the reason the two of you had broken up and it had drove Ellie insane. She had hated secrets, and currently Ellie had felt like a child between a parent’s petty divorce.

Once more, you had bumped your shoulders, your eyes had been glued to the screen, hopeful that she would drop the subject. “The other information isn’t important.”

Annoyed, Ellie sat up, she was quick to reach for the controller, and once she got her hands on it, she studiously paused the movie. “I deserve to know,” her voice had turned less whiny and had transformed into a tone of strength, you had moved your eyes away from the paused screen and looked at her, your cold eyes slightly melted at Ellie’s upset demeanour. “I deserve to know because I’m used to having the both of you around at the same time.”

“And now I can only be with one of you at a time, and I hate the change.”

Dismal, you had sadly smiled at her argument. “It’s the beginning, so things will be awkward and not go in ways you’d want, but I promise you, it’ll get better,” and after that, you retrieved the controller from the auburn-haired girl to resume the film but Ellie hadn’t been done with her part of the argument.

“It’s been two months.”

Slightly annoyed, you had dropped your shoulders, you had sometimes hated how Ellie could be so adamant as a mule, but there would be moments where you had loved and admired it. “Ellie, I love you, and because I love you so much, there’s going to be some information I’ll have to hold back because I love you.”

Rudely, Ellie had scoffed and covered the both of her hands, hopeless. Clearly, she hadn’t understood your approach but she had assumed that you weren’t going to tell her what she had wanted to know. The truth. “I’ll tell you when you’re older,” you smiled, you had jokingly nudged Ellie who had childishly pouted at what you had just said, but then, you had reached for her hand and pressed her small hand against your lips. “Ellie, do you love me?”

“I do.”

“Then you should understand where I’m coming from, there’s probably some secrets you would never tell me.”

Weakly, Ellie had gleamed, you were right, Joel had made Ellie promise to not tell anyone about her immune bite, she had assumed Joel had also made sure that you were a part of the “anyone”.

“Do you now understand where I’m coming from?” You asked and while Ellie gently pulled her hand away from your clasp, she slowly beckoned her head.

Happy, you had pulled Ellie into an embrace, it hadn’t been a surprise when Ellie jokingly fought you off and the moment you two were ready to watch the movie, the young girl leaned against your body, slightly in crave for the motherly warmth you emitted. “So, will you come to the dinner Shiloh will be at tomorrow?” You had comically fluttered your eyes which caused Ellie to stick her tongue out in disapproval, but the younger female had eventually given in and had agreed that she would attend next day’s dinner.

You had presently completed your weekly trading; people normally came to exchange with you because of the variety of fishes you had and you weren’t really picky or definite about the type of things people would give to you. Aside from eating the chum, people commonly came to you because they wanted fish pets for themselves or for their kids.

It had been early within the day and most people were working within their shifts, you had looked at your small watch and had noted that during this hour was one of the first breaks Shiloh had from his hospital shift, you had recorded that he had already made his way towards you and the second his body was close to your figure, the both of you had brought each other into a kind kiss.

The juncture Shiloh had pulled himself to you, there was a message in his eyes that told you he had something to say. Your eyebrows furrowed as your head had immediately flooded with overwhelming words, perhaps he couldn’t come to the dinner today and Alex had him doing longer shifts, you wouldn’t be surprised if Alex did that, Shiloh had quickly showed that he was an excellent staff member, he was needed.

“There’s an emergency patrol shift,” Shiloh candidly explained, “it’s the same patrol group we were in before, you need to get ready now.”

Irritated you had tucked in your lips, Shiloh briskly apologised to you, he was just informed of this now, if he had known before, he would have told you, but whenever Maria wanted something to happen, it had to come to pass. “We were supposed to have dinner together, Ellie agreed to come as well.”

Hesitant, Shiloh placed his hand against your left shoulder, his gaze sorry. “I’m sorry baby, but Joel and Maria came to terms for it to be now, go home, get your things and come to the gates, everyone else is waiting for you.”

In response, you dramatically huffed ere you peeled yourself from Shiloh’s grip, you carried yourself home to obey his orders. You were quick to pack your things, you had mainly focused on Joel, and on how he had en masse wanted the shift to happen now, you had speculated if Ellie informed Joel of the dinner the three of you were to share today and he used the emergency shift to block the small event, nevertheless, you had tried to push the thought in the back of your mind. Joel wouldn’t have done that, would he?

You had gently cursed in your mind, you had assumed many conclusions that all involved Joel’s intervention to stop the dinner from happening, mayhap your subconscious wanted you to feel that Joel still cared in a way. Still, it was no good thinking that way, the two of you were over and that was final.

It didn’t take long for you to catch up with the rest of the squad, Shiloh had kindly prepared your horse for you, last time, the group didn’t have their horses and Gabriel thought that this time having mares would aid in any abrupt situation. You were given a horse within your third week in Jackson, it was Gabriel that had given the stallion to you, and he informed you that the horse’s name was Mira, which had meant of the Ocean, the name had originated from Sanskrit and the moment he had told you what the name meant you fell in love with her.

Gabriel had informed the squad that a duo who patrolled before had mentioned that there was a large group of infected that had to be cleared out. Of course, the two of them alone couldn’t do it so the best they could do was return to Jackson and warn the leaders.

“Apparently, this might take more than three days,” Shiloh muttered, you had been between Shiloh and Bella, you three were seen as Jackson’s tightest trio or loudest with how terrible the three of you could get when drunk. “The town getting sick for a week probably caused this to happen, no one available to do their shifts so the numbers of infected multiplied.”

You had observed Shiloh wasn’t in the front with Joel and Gabriel; Shiloh had his reasons to be at the back with you and Bella. The first reason was him wanting to look after you considering how you almost died during the previous patrol shift, even though you are someone who could heal faster than everyone else, you weren’t invincible. Yet, the second reason had included Joel, not chiefly because Joel was your ex, it was because Joel had displayed Shiloh a more standoffish and menacing persona of his.

Joel had found out about the secret nights you would share with Ellie, after the fatherly rounds of questioning, the girl had eventually given up and told Joel that every week she’d come over to your home. He wasn’t unhappy about that, nevertheless, the girl had blabbered on about a dinner she was supposed to attend that included both you and Shiloh, and that’s what got Joel upset. First, Shiloh would take you and now he was planning to take Ellie? Joel didn’t mention how he did not want the dinner to happen, and he tried his best to hide the grimace that had wanted to rip his face, the moment Maria informed him of the emergency patrol, the man was happy enough to make sure the clear out happened today, the day of the dinner.

“I don’t think it was a good idea to come with horses,” Bella muttered, she wasn’t that much of a fan of horses but she tried her best to bond with the horse that was given to her.

Compared to you, you had liked horses, along with Shiloh; aside from creating portraits of you, Shiloh liked drawing animals, and since horses were the usual faunas that were seen, he had numerous sketches and paintings of them. “I think it’ll get everything done quicker,” you responded, and calmly, Bella fixed into your comment and stared straight ahead of her.

“How was life before moving to Jackson?” Bella inquired, even though the two of you were close and had shared private information with each other, the red lipped woman had been barely familiar with your history.

You had wondered what had caused Bella to ask now, mayhap it was to kill time since the patrol would take more than a day if Shiloh was correct. “I was travelling most of the time,” you shortly replied in attempt to keep it as vague as possible, during this era, it was odd for someone to travel around America in relations of the infected.

“What brought you to Jackson?”

Slowly you twisted your face towards her, you had wanted to tell Bella so badly that it was because of Joel and Ellie, still, mainly Joel. Silent, you had returned your gaze straight ahead, during the movement, your eyes shyly trailed over the figure of Joel whose back posture sat tall on his horse, Old Beardy, timidly, you had tucked the bottom of your lips behind your teeth, aware that both Shiloh and Bella watched your restrained movements.

“Did you know Joel before you came here?”

It was Shiloh who had asked that, and without turning to face him you had gestured your head. “Yes,” you politely responded, silently apprehensive your hands were tight around the reigns that were strapped around the horse you were on top of. “But don’t worry,” you forcefully smiled, you had quickly washed the inarticulate and jittery feeling that had initiated to build up in your body. “I’m with you now Shiloh.”

Comically, Bella clicked her tongue. “Don’t start being insecure now,” Bella teasingly catered, if she could annoyingly poke Shiloh’s skin, she would, but you had been sandwiched between the two of them, thus Bella couldn’t. In response, Shiloh rolled his eyes to Bella’s teasing and continued on riding his horse along with the group.

As thirty-minutes passed the patrol group had arrived to where the duo who had previously appeared in their shift commented about how this place had much infected that had to be cleared out. Everyone had noticed that there had been shops that had been barely touched, so Gabriel had instructed everyone to get off their horses and begin to look for supplies.

“Be careful!” He carefully asserted as he openly waved his hands to signal everyone to spread out and search for items, and so people were quick to submit to his orders; you had been beside Bella, the two of you too focused on finding rations to speak, but there had been some silent conversation, where you or the other would nudge and point in directions that might have supplies.

Plus, the two of you had to be extra careful if this place had as much as infected the duo implied of. Howbeit, you had believed that the partners that had been here in their previous shift were telling the truth. Whenever a place had a plethora of items, it was usually because there were dozens of undead creatures, hiding and waiting to leap at you within the perfect moment.

Responsively, the short moment of you picking up rations had been a success and you were sure you were going to have stuff aside from fishes to trade when you got back to Jackson. Even if your fish trading was a success you wanted to add something new to your business. When the both of you were assured, you had enough rations to supply till the end of the month or even have rations that could to last for two, the both of you and Bella beckoned your heads at each other to signal that it was right to leave the place.

As the two of you with conviction left the store, a loud slam had startled and jittered the both of you, truthfully, the two of you weren’t spooked because of the loud noise, it was veritably because of the outcome the loud noise had created. The dozens of screeching and scratchy moans that had emitted down the area becoming louder each second.

“Fuck, someone must’ve closed a door recklessly,” you rigidly muttered, your sharp eyes keen enough to see the large horde of infected race towards the sound. Briskly, both you and Bella pulled out your guns, prepared to mow down the infected with the rest of the patrol group.

The group had gathered together, bullets and pistols jumping and bouncing out of the artillery to strike down as much as infected as possible. “I didn’t know there’d be this much!” Gabriel crazily yelled, his voice booming through the crossfire, he had turned to the people and aggressively instructed everyone to go back to their horses and get ready to aim from their mares.

Quickly, people hurried back to their horses and obeyed Gabriel’s command, from the top of their stallions, people were abrupt and agile to shoot down the monsters that had hungrily paced towards them. Luckily, people had mowed down a good number of infected, but it wasn’t enough for them to remain in the same place and shoot, the people had to run and without second thought you had turned your horse and paced it down to the safest place; the echo of another horse followed you down the forest you and your horse entered, but your mind was too focused on survival to look behind to check who it was.

Withal, the second you were sure you had reached a safe place you had gently urged Mira to slow down and stop. You didn’t know how long you had been on top of Mira, but you had to make sure that your horse could relax, along with the person behind you.

As you turned around, your eyes examined the person who paired themselves with you, Joel. You hadn’t said anything to him, you didn’t want to, this wasn’t the time to complain so all you did was turn your body so the back of your head could face him and so you could drown your mind to focus on surviving the night.

You were a Siren, so you had the ability to not get as tired or as hungry as quickly compared to humans, you had the skill to continue the quest of returning back to Jackson, but for now, Joel couldn’t. The forest you and Joel had found yourselves in was vast, Joel had still been tired and he wished he could joke about how he was turning into an old man so you could reassure him like you would before, but there was a look on your face that made him hesitant to speak, perhaps it was his inner self calling him a coward, he had thought he had always been a coward, especially with how frightened he was when he found out what you actually were.

You had avoided his look, but you could feel the way his eyes burnt into your skin.

“What are your plans after this?”

He had finally broken the silence; the silence had been so awkward that you had wanted to dig a hole and bury yourself in it. Even though you had been bitter that it was Joel who paired himself with you, there was an itch in your soul that was actually glad you were with him.

In response, you had scoffed, you didn’t say anything but had targeted your eyes towards the ground, you had currently rested your back against one of the trees, your legs pressed against your chest and your backpack laid lazy beside you.

“Right, sorry,” he whispered, and as kickback you had looked further away from him. “How’s your relationship with Shiloh?”

“My relationship with Shiloh doesn’t concern you,” you brutally answered, his audacity to inquire your relationship with Shiloh, had sparked an anger inside of you, briskly, you eventually turned to look at him, your eyes sharp and narrow. “You’re such a dick,” you spat.

“You’re right.”

“You’re such an asshole.”

“You’re right.”

Frustrated you had brought your hands to your eyes, balked to why he didn’t feel as intense as you, however, that was thing about being a Siren, you might take time to get tired or hungry, but when it came to emotions, they came quick and you felt them, fiercely. “I hate you.”

“You’re lying.”

Angrily, you rolled your eyes, as you had wiped your waterworks to get rid of your bitter but heartbroken tears, you once again turned away from him.

“I was scared,” Joel truthfully spoke, “I was shocked to learn what you were and I couldn’t control my emotions.”

“How was I supposed to react? Learning that my lover was half fish?”

By the tone of his voice, you could tell it wasn’t a rhetorical question, Joel had candidly wanted to know your answer. “I’m not your lover,” you responded, your tone harsh and brutal.

“If I could turn back time and change the way I had reacted I would,” Joel candidly responded, “but I can’t. But if you just give me the chance to make it up to you, I would.”

“You don’t need to make it up to me anymore, I’m with Shiloh now.”

“Figured.”

His speech had been forward and crude, you’d be stupid if you couldn’t tell Joel was sour at the fact that you were together with Shiloh, but you had kept it to yourself, your chin had rested against the top of your knees and you had pushed the bottom of your lips behind your teeth. Mayhap it was your pride that didn’t allow yourself to grant Joel the path to make it up to you, or it was the fact that you knew your worth. Yet, it wasn’t like being with Joel had taken any value from you, you were a Siren, your worth had pierced into the sky and nothing could change that.

“Do you wonder how Shiloh would react when he finds out you’re a Siren?”

Hastily, you glanced at Joel ere you returned your gaze to the floor. “He already knows.”

Shocked, Joel scoffed, your comment shocking enough to pull the man up to his feet. “He already knows?” He thoroughly repeated as he walked himself towards you, “are you willing to tell everyone in your life what you are? Willing to put yourself in danger?”

You shook your head, “no,” you responded, your body posture full of defence. “He knew before I could even tell him and he accepted me right away. He loves what I am and he doesn’t make me feel shitty about myself.”

“How did he find out?”

“It’s none of your business.”

“I just want to make sure your safe.”

Over it, you jeered at his comment. “It’s a little too late for you to play protective boyfriend, Joel,” you painstakingly commented, your blunt words were like fire to him and you could tell your backtalk had hurt him with the way his eyes dulled in dismal. “I don’t need your protection; I can protect myself, and Shiloh would never hurt me.”

Once again Joel opened his mouth persistent to speak, but you had enough of his unwanted security. You didn’t want to speak to him and you didn’t want him to speak to you. “Stop it,” you thoroughly ordered, “just go back to your seat and get some sleep, we need to focus on returning to Jackson, and when we get back, we can go our separate ways, you stay out of my life and I stay out of yours.”

if you want to join a the last of us/joel miller discord here you go! 𓆩♡𓆪

songs that fit this chapter ⬎

⟶ olivia rodrigo - jealousy, jealousy.

⟶ d4vd - romantic homicide.

tag list ⟶ @minaxcarter @amethystwonders11 @am-3-thyst @bronwennsblog @milahnoz @moonlightdivine

feedback would be appreciated!

masterlist

♆

[curator-on-ao3]

PikeUna Soul for the WIP ask game

Thank you for asking, anon! ❤️

I started this story before season 2 aired, then put it aside when I took a different prompt (that led to the ficlet The Weekend, which then led to the one-shot The Week). I’ll paste in the author’s note and the early parts of what was going to be this story:

Note: Trapped on a strange moon that lets people look into the depths of each other’s souls. (prompt from spacechaosmonster)

—

She adjusts their descent vector, the shuttle slicing through ion-rich clouds that made transport to the moon’s surface inadvisable.

“I’m just saying,” Chris’ hands are busy on his own console, scanning, commander’s stripes shining, “Bob has been talking about taking the promotion. He said he’d put in a good word for me to take over as captain of the Enterprise. You and I make a great team. Why not let me suggest you as XO?”

Because the more she ranks up, the more Starfleet might scrutinize her service record, unravel the fabric of forgeries and lies she’s spun since she applied to the academy.

Because if she gets caught, Chris is the kind of guy who would try to protect her, and she’ll risk her own imprisonment — or worse — to avoid imperiling his career for her choices.

Because Chris will be a great captain. He’s worked hard as first officer and should have his own first officer just as dedicated to making captain someday.

Not like her.

She just wants to see the stars.

“Is that why you put just the two of us on this scouting mission? To ask me the same question — again?” They’re nearly to the surface. A few quick tricorder scans to figure out the strange energy readings the ship picked up, then they can return to the bridge and her helm chair. “I didn’t realize you were so persistent, Commander Pike.”

“Oh, I can be plenty persistent, Lieutenant Chin-Riley, but I don’t think persistence is the way to win your heart — professional or otherwise.” He winks, and why does he say things like that? Her cheeks always get warm when he jokes about winning her heart or making her favorite foods for her when they’re both old or teaching her how to ride a horse some shore leave when she doesn’t volunteer to stay aboard ship.

It’s nice, in a way.

Nice to pretend she could say yes, surprise him. Because he may be joking, but Chris also means what he says and she’d be a fool not to see he’s a man of contradictions — serious and silly, expecting only the best of himself but understanding the mistakes of others, naturally inquisitive and chatty yet so uncurious that he’s never asked about her family or her upbringing.

Which certainly makes him easy to spend time with.

Most of her off-duty time, in fact.

Not that she has much off-duty time.

“My heart? Beats for Starfleet, sir.” She angles their landing vector, sets them down easy on rain-soaked earth. They should have about a half hour before the moon’s storms start up again at this location. “Persistently.”

(There’s more, but you get the gist.)

[alexissara]

Fire Emblem Engage: One Year Later An Anniversary Of Mid

Fire Emblem Engage is now a year old and as a massive Fire Emblem fan I want to talk about it. Engage is a game I don't like and I am nothing if not a hater so I want to talk about it more about a year out since I think being a hater that goes beyond a boring critique of hair or anime bad is more valuable.

First let's talk about where I place it in the overall series.

I am going to dive into things in a lot of detail down below. Obviously everything is subjective, blah, blah, your reading my opinions, I don't really care about being "objective" so take what you want out of this. The TLDR though is that Engage is a game that fails in every single way, there is not one thing that it is particular amazing at but it is not the worst at any particular thing either. It's a text book mid game but in some ways I like it less then things I think are worse because the squandering of some decent concepts.

Designs

Mika is an extremally talented artist with a wonderful sense of design but even she questioned why they were hiring her to do a Fire Emblem game. While I like some of the designs of the characters as general characters designs but their almost all bad character designs for story telling, for explaining a deeper sense of character, for fitting into a war setting, for fitting a diverse range of ages or bodies, etc. I don't mind Alear's hair, I think red and blue hair makes sense, that's the enemy phase and ally phase colors, it's not terrible but the outfit is a bit too white. The designs in general are simply great designs for a silly little person but not great for the wider depth of characters not creating characters you could see doing a war. If the tone was different I could see these working but it need to lean far more into comedy or cheese then it does. I really don't have a lot to say here but it kinda just had to be the first thing to address. I like them more than the average person but I still don't love them. Like Etie is supposed to like be buff and stuff but she is a twig. Saphir is supposed to be pretty old but she looks fairly young. Mika's style simply doesn't blend well with Fire Emblem despite me loving Mika's work prior to this.

Story

This is the most often critiqued part of the Fire Emblem Engage experience that even people who love it typically concede and for good reason. The story of this game is a fairly simple and basic story structure. Hero awakes and must do their fate, mother dies, protag cries, they go on a journey to collect the plot items, they collect plot items but OH NO THE ENEMY HAS PUT A WRENCH IN IT! Then they build themselves back up, collect the items and murder the big bad. Along the way you get some angsty zombie stuff but it's cheap emotions, kids complicated relationships to their parents, a theme which you'd think maybe is one of the grander themes but really isn't touched on with Sombron and Alear/Vayel despite Sombron being the main baddy.

Alear has a minor story arc, Alear is scared but then Alear isn't scared only Alear basically always stepped up so the gameplay and the story don't intgrate well here, if Alear even had one map of running away when she shoulda fought and that is why they lost emblem rings or something it would have more solidly locked in "oh Alears character flaw is that she runs away but now she knows to stay and fight" or it could have been a contrast and been like "it's a good thing that Alear knows when to run" and separate Alear from other lords in the series.

The games plot is deeply uncurious aiming for the most simple solutions down to the point where Vayel doesn't have an evil second personality [which I mean is ableist but they still make you think that] it's actually mind control evil second personality. It turns out Vayle and Alear is just goddy good Fell Dragons and all the other ones were totally naturally evil and okay to kill I guess. Vayel could have had an edge to her, there could have been redemption for the "evil" part of Vayel that would be a far more complicated set of emotions and more interesting then no one needs to forgive her because actually every bad thing she did to everyone was evil mind control and every good thing is the real her.

Then there is the DLCs plot which almost makes Engages main plot look good taking you to an everyone is dead AU where everyone is fucked up cuz their zombies I guess or they just are like this in this world but also it only is interested in exploring the lords and the "good" versions of the bad quad with an addition of two new characters. Theirs an obvious twist villain but they try and just red herring you to think it's the girl twin instead of the boy twin who is more clearly evil by showing Nel do some things that seem evil out of context. It's fairly boring, it doesn't engage what it wants to hard enough, it presents it in some fucking awful map designs and it's place in the plot being able to show up before you met the vast majority of the characters actual selves means it's possible you come in with both an army that isn't fun to do the maps with and without a good set of emblem rings but you also have no idea why it should be shocking to see a character like this. It mostly makes me wish that they had instead of making this all DLC worked some of the complicated relationships between characters into the actual plot of the game and had some more fell dragons that were a bit more complicated but redeemable potential party members.

Thematically and politically I am at a loss at what it wants to say, it doesn't even seem to want to say like war is bad or something basic like that. The only recurring theme is like parent dies and that's sad and that is like true for most people and their parents but it's not a particularly well done version of that theme. It's not really about the bounds of friendship and love because like idk there is so few scenes where people overcome things with the power of friendship of love. Like there is some tension between evil coded country and the others but like those are resolved by the future queen having a divine dragon kink and will be good because she worships the good god.

Characters

Fire Emblems cast is kind of like the cast of a Disegea game, which I typically enjoy only not over the top enough nor in a game with a tone consistently silly enough to justify the wild over the top energy of the characters. Characters all have bits and this is true of many fire emblem games but it is more rare for basically every single character to have a bit that is pretty definitive to them rather than a character trait. They are designed and written like a vtuber in a lot of ways, their meant to be cute, for you to find your fav and for you to hyper focus on that one. Only unlike a Vtuber you can't hop on and invested dozens of hours a week watching Yunaka shout Zappy as she murders someone in a video game and banters with chat.

There is a layer of depth to the characters that explain why a character is like this TM but these things typically come at the end of an A rank support which leaves you to assume "This girl sure does talk a lot about tea" if your not rushing to A with someone or if you RNG into one where ya she's mostly just talking about Tea. Again there are characters that are like this in other Fire Emblem games but few characters get the cool join situations, the cool moments in the story to really make you invest that deeply into them since the game is really focused on these lords and doesn't have a lot of interesting recruiting given every character is a lord or a servant of a lord. Not to mention that depth is usually not that deep like it's more like finding a foot bath in what you found thought was just someone spilling water rather then going into a hot tub of complex lore, character drama, and passion.

I did enjoy the characters for my time with them like a light hearted kids animated show where I go "aww these guys are fun" but like one of those I don't really think about the characters after. I enjoy when I see art of Yuanaka or the Racket of Solm fan art, I go "Oh I like those girls, their neat" but I never feel like "OMG Yes, let's fucking go!!!!!" like I do for many other characters in many other pieces of art.

Then in terms of the villains Sombron is paper then with a random new motive at the very end that is utterly uninteresting. The four hounds are fun enough characters since their allowed to be a little complicated but their also as an enemy on a map over staying their welcome for the amount of times you put swords into their bodies lealthy. The four hounds then feel under cut by the "good" versions of them that exist in the DLC which are basically what if they were boring, they are the good versions. Evil Vayel as mentioned earlier is boring because she's just mind control evil and not a real person. There is very few enemy of the map type enemies to think about and the ones that do exist are paper thin, your not going to get a stand off with a commander that you feel complicated feels about having to kill here.

Then we got to get into the endings, the lack of paired supports give everyone a static boring ending unless Alear wanted to give them a special friendship bracelet which totally doesn't mean romance HAHAHA alear doesn't want to date children or married men HAHAHA pay no attention to the man behind the mirror. It strips agency from the player, the translation no romos several romances with Alear that should be totally fine anyway, their just extremely poor at creating a sense of what you did to the world after you saved it because the world was perfect basically except Sombron was a dick. The characters don't feel like they grew in their little ending bits for the most part it's kidna like they went on to do what you'd expct them to do.

Then there is the emblem rings which are given fairly shallow interactions that range to them being pretty out of character to them saying a one line joke to them saying "remember that thing from my game." The shallow level of interaction with the rings is really unfortunate but also fortunate because it meant they didn't write a ton of these characters. They still feel like they should have beena bigger deal and been a bit more involved in the plot as well as having some deeper relationships with characters.

Also you get two fucking dragons on your team both of whom can't turn into dragons, there are these hot older women who are capable in battle but can't get recruited for the cause because I guess their not young and fuckable, there is so little interest in the world of this game outside of lords and their servants [which is a flaw in a lot of modern FE], why the literal child soldiers like Anna, there is a lot of frustrating character choices that could have been done better.

Presentation

I think the graphics are good, I think they look pretty, I like bright colors in my eyeballs and it works for me. I think graphically it's a clear step up from houses, the places look very beautiful. They make a fairly uninspired choice of diving the game into 5 themed regions with a kinda similar design principle across the maps Flower, Mountainy, Evily snow, Sand, really evil. This does take away from a kinda unquie feeling to each place you go but they don't look bad.

Music wise, the opening theme is dumb, I like it but it's corny and clearly gonna be divisive but it suits the game that it is for. As music in the game goes though it's fine, it's a fine soundtrack of fine songs that are fine. Only a few songs are really bangers though and a lot of the music doesn't stand out to me a year later I can basically just think the opening theme and the engaging an emblem remix. I am actively trying to recall another song as I write this and I end up just getting the Three Houses Monastery music in my head instead.

The animations I will simply give full marks too, the animations after many years after the GBA finally don't look bad. Crits look cool, the engage attacks look cool, there is some coolness to be had there where the more real and grounded animations since Gamecube were never my favorite. Great job engage, I hope the series keeps it up.

Gameplay

People talk about Fire Emblem Engage's gameplay being the best in the series but it really isn't and it's not like stunning SRPG design in general. Perhaps if your looking for a challenge the maddening experience is some sort of revolution but the average player of any video game will be playing on the "normal" mode which is by default the intended mode. The game features mechanics that one might think is for grinding but utterly fail at that, the loading screens between managing things make the act of building characters tedious and annoying, the mini game gameplay that optimize maps is awful, the way you can spend resources for cosmetics that you can't use in battle is awful, the lack of little touches to the smithing system like being able to alter or name your weapons is bad. These are all gameplay, these aren't the maps but there part of playing the game and while you can in future runs maybe ignore most of these things you will likely experience some of these and some things were stream lined with patches but these patches will go away and eventually getting supports between characters will go back to being fairly annoying.

Then we can talk about the beloved maps and engaging. The gameplay using the skill system is utterly flawed with the SP being so poorly distributed makes building characters utterly prone to accidently wasting SP and not being able to get a build on that character that will feel good for the rest of the run. This effects gameplay in maps as does the fact you only have two slots for said skills making for fairly small amounts of build possibilities for the wide swath of options you get especially if you get the DLC. The map design doesn't present the fun diverse set of objectives an SRPG is capable of with most maps being kill the boss or kill all the things. They do present different little map gimmicks and they do make some of the maps good but the maps fail in the biggest way that a map can in an SRPG which is to be narratively uninteresting.

I could make a whole article about the sin to the world that is Xenologue 5 which is a top contender for worst map in all of Fire Emblem. In general the Xenolouge maps really are a perfect exercise and exposing the magic of the pretty lights of Engage and going "Oh this game is awful".

It's boring to fight the same 4 dudes. Your so rarely put up against someone new and neat and the characters you are fighting don't grow much until their about to actually die. The repeating four hounds fights creates a dissonance where your people permanently die if they lose in battle but you can't get the kill on these people your doing 1000 flashy attacks on. If you can enjoy a map in isolation perhaps these maps are good, great even but it doesn't fix the issues.

The Bonus Content TM

I talked about the stuff in gameplay but I want to reiterate that the bonus parts of the game are in fact a part of the gameplay.

First off we got costumes which are utterly frustrating even outside of being locked to the hub world. The clothes are gender locked where boys where boy clothes and girls where girl clothes expect Rosado who is a special femboy and in no way a dirty tranny we make fem boys not dirty transgenders in Fire Emblem [this is sarcasm, I am trans] who gets to wear girl clothes. Never mind Jade wearing more masculine clothes in her casual outfits if she had to chose between a butler or a maid outfit clearly she'd pick to be a kawaii maid. The only kind of gender deviation being allowed in the random costumes even for Alear being the femboy fetishist at IS's pet project is pretty pathetic. Also pathetic is the gender lock applying to the amiibo lord costumes which in addition are also even more limited only being wearable by lord characters and only lords of the right gender even if Lucina clothes are mens wear their only for women and very special bloodline women. Then all of this taking resources simply damages the game further.

The mini games include a Rhythm game with no Rhythm as if Fire Emblem has no amazing songs to be playing a work out mini game to. We have a flight sim on rails shooter thing but no enemies or added depth. A fishing game that is a fishing mini game. These are boring to passable but they all give you benefits from doing them so if you wanted to truly optimize you'd need to do them between every map.

Then there is the "interactive" bonus elements talking to people at Somnel and post map, inviting people to dinner, sending people to do an activity together. I've avoided comparing this game to Three Houses until this point but I have to here, Three Houses and Engage started development at roughly the same time so Engage had many more years in development but each and every one of these things are far less in depth then in Houses. There is no voice acting for these sections, unlike houses where every map you have new voiced interactions with every character some of which are dynamically tied to choices you made you get mostly rotating lines with a few people interjecting a text box of almost nothing of value. There is no special bonus conversations for sending people to work together who might have something to say to each other. The meals and creepy bed time interactions are voiced but the interaction between characters is very limited and the lines are pretty repetitive only working with an RNG system of if the food is shit or not which is only annoying. The bedtime interactions of someone waking you up are totally RNG based meaning a character you hate might come wake you up and you have to here about the Alpaca hero and they change when you raise up supports with them meaning each special voiced interaction with sleeping requires you to go out of your way to do something of no value to hope you RNG into the character you like saying a few words less you accidently support them and miss a piece of dialogue. It feels cheap, it feels bargain basement, it feels undercooked.

The grinding here kinda feels like it wishes it was Scared Stones but the pay off for climbing the grind in this game isn't exclusive post game characters, exciting special weapons but some orbs for an optional upgrade system randomly given to you so maybe you can upgrade the weapon you want but maybe not. The bound rings gacha is not an indepth system that is fun to play with. It's just another place where things feel super under cooked despite the long development cycle on this game.

Final Thoughts

Talking about the game I actually feel a lot more negative on it then when I put together the little list at the top or when I wrote an Anniversary of mid, I kinda just feel like actually it's just bad but like it's probably mid and not bad and I am just impassioned writing all my complaints. This is a game that had a ton of potential but I feel squandered it at every opportunity.

I wish I liked Engage, I Wish I liked Fates, but if this is the direction that IS is taking their games when their the primary devs of Fire Emblem I am just not gonna buy IS developed Fire Emblem games because ultimately I got way more physic damage playing these games then I got joy. Fire Emblem is my favorite game series, the one I would say I am actually part of the fandom of and I want to love every new entry, to be hype, to fall in love, to gamble on my phone for little jpegs but I'm just not here with this.

I think Engage presented cool new ideas like the Break System which I think is great and should return but in general I fear this direction. I'd love to see something akin to Engage skills with some flashy over powered stuff. I like how these these interact with the core mechanics and I think their fun additions to the formula.

I just hope this one year anniversary set of thoughts is enough to free me of my Engage demons and I can just never think about it again and go onto playing fan games, rom hacks and replaying older games I enjoy along with new Indie SRPGs leaving this behind to simply exist for the people who love it.

If you enjoyed this look back at Fire Emblem Engage and you want to help me play more Fire Emblem or other SRPGs then Patreon and Ko-fi are a great way to support me so I can afford to talk about queer art and stuff.

[lichenid]

Thinkin' about SOMA

Often when I see a trailer for something, my brain will spin out an entire made up version, sometimes just from a single visual I like. I'm never right, but some of them stick with me.

Like with SOMA (spoilers ahead).

The intro to SOMA cues you fairly heavily that your mind has been recorded and transferred to another body in some unknown future, setting you up for a series of revelations about the protagonist's personhood that you'll realise long before he does.

But what stuck in my head was a bit of footage from an earlier build where the present-day office from the intro gives way physically to a much more alien version of the future facility (I'm not sure if it was even planned it to be underwater at this point).

I think the idea was probably that the machines that brought you back made you a nice little diorama so you could acclimatise, but I liked that this opened the way for a much messier situation than you being a straightforward copy of some normal dude. In the game as released, you are a copy of said dude, but it's never called into doubt that he was a real person - I was waiting the whole time to learn that the facility had literally made up a guy, shoving together some unrelated memories with a personality too uncurious to notice they don't make sense.

In fact, I wanted something that went even further - what if you woke up surrounded by tentacly Giger-machines and learned that humans didn't build them, because humans don't exist. You exist, because they made you, and gave you memories of 'Earth' and 'people' so that your brain wouldn't fold up like a lawnchair, but there's no place to escape to, and no ruined world to mourn.

And to go even further than that, maybe nobody built these robots, because who told you machines have to be made by living things? Maybe it's not an undersea facility, or a space station, because there's no space, just inscrutable machines in all directions, forever and ever, and you.

[capitalnineteen]

Nancy Drew Rewatch

I've decided to rewatch the series now that it's done and why not blog my thoughts this time around, right? (Hi, Bethany!)

"Horseshoe Bay's most infamous sea queen wore her crown for just one night. People say she still haunts our town. But I don't believe in ghosts. I believe in looking for the truth."

I like that these were pretty much the first words of the series. I went into the show the first time expecting that to be the way it would be: like the books I read growing up, it would be pulling the ghost masks off evil real estate developers.

Wait. I'm thinking of Scooby Doo, huh?

Still. In those books, Nancy found the completely normal - albeit nefarious - reason that there were strange noises and secret staircases. And they were never ghosts.

So I admit it took me a little while to warm to the show. I didn't dislike it! I just didn't get what it was going for. I had the wrong idea and it took some time to understand the show wanted me to let that go.

So here we go: Season One - Episode One: Pilot

(More - much more - below... Also! This is a rewatch so there ARE SPOILERS.)

Books on Nick's shelf: A History of Western Morals by Crane Brinton and The Lies That Bind: Rethinking Identity by Kwame Anthony Appiah. (We also see Plato on a higher shelf and other titles I can't make out, unfortunately. Excuse the blurry screenshot and understand why that's all I got.)

Having finished the show, those two titles in the screenshot do seem pretty appropriate. Especially 'Rethinking Identity' considering we're getting to know five characters and what we're given about them is maybe not the most relevant facts... or even entirely true.

And since those books are rattling on the shelves because Nancy and Nick are knocking boots, (No, wait. She puts on her sneakers after and his boots are on the floor by the bed.) let me go ahead and admit now: I liked Nancy and Nick together in the first go 'round.

Also? I liked the idea of Nancy Drew as intentionally uncurious. We're given such a quick punch of details here and I think they're presented well: "I never do this." "You say that every time." "Also never thought I'd be wearing this again." (Her Claw uniform.) "I'm not exactly where I thought I'd be, either. And that would be freshman tailback for University of Florida, which is where I'm from, if you're curious."

And of course there's her voice over just before that: "...when I'm with him, I don't think of anything else. And that's a good thing." Bookended at the end of her brief conversation with Nick by answering his "You don't ask a lot of questions, do you?" by saying, "What can I say? Girls love mystery." She says that like it means she doesn't want to solve them but of course it can read both ways. Nancy does love a mystery, she told us in her backstory. She's just sworn off solving them now.

At The Claw we get the rest of the gang introduced: George, Nancy's manager and former classmate with the bad blood between her and Nancy; Bess, the rich girl who's living in a mansion for the summer but inexplicably working as a waitress; and Ace NoLastName who I'll get to in a second.

Of course, having seen the whole show, we know how wrong or won't-be-true-for-long the information is. The 'bad blood' Nancy and George will become people who risk everything again and again for each other. (As they all will.) Bess isn't rich and certainly isn't living in a mansion.

And then there's Ace. The way Nancy presents his lack of last name makes it seem like Ace's choice. He's a one name enigma. But there's also a hint that she's intentionally not noting his last name in the way she goes on to imply that maybe it's not that he doesn't judge her for tanking her grades and bailing on applying to college, but instead just doesn't remember that she told him. And if he doesn't remember (or, as implied, care) that, then she doesn't remember (or, possibly, care) about his last name.

But it's easy to shrug it all off and not make much of it, especially when his 'my bad' on the lack of crackers and the 'sorry, I was thirsty' about the lack of wine as well as the 'it wasn't me' when the lights go out imply that her read on Ace's level of concern and accountability is pretty low as well. Though given that she's outright told us she's in the deficit on those herself, it seems a little hypocritical that she seems to look down on Ace for lacking them. (In minor ways that could just be a teasing coworker/friend sort of thing like with her "like a fungus" response to his declaration that he's "growing on her" about Bess.)

But let’s imagine for a moment, that scene where our newly uncurious and disinterested Nancy confesses that she’s ruined her senior year and her chances for college. Who does she confess all of this too? The implied flake whose last name she doesn’t even know? Hardly. Even then, Ace is far more important to Nancy than she lets on.

Rewatching this knowing the details about George/Ryan and Ryan and Nancy, it's nice to see there were hints there to be caught about George and Ryan at least. There's George's "We could stay open a little longer" when Bess tells him they're closed when he beats on the locked door. There's her strained tone of voice as she greets him: "Mr Hudson! Welcome to The Claw!" and the positively gritted teeth as she continues, "I don't believe that you've been in here before." And of course the "Oh, your wife is here?" and the quick change from retail-worker polite smile to I'm-going-to-stab-someone thousand yard stare as soon as she turns away from the table. And most of all, asking Nancy for help so she doesn't have to take the food out to Ryan's wife.

Yikes. Who could blame her?

And good grief, Ryan. Ask the teen you're sleeping with to bring food out to your wife. There's a long list of not great things you've done and that's hardly the headliner but it IS the first one we see, even if we don't know the significance yet.

To be continued because this is long and I'm only a quarter through the first episode! I'm sure they'll be shorter as this goes on. (If this goes on? Anyone interested in this?) But this is the first episode and I guess I was feeling wordy!

[spiderh0rse]

took a short break from Freeman's Mind to go and watch Mind of Ryan, and in short order, Arlen's Mind. Decided to take notes on these too, while I was at it, thanks in large part to @prinnamon having done the same! This is all of my notes on Mind of Ryan, Arlen's will be out in short enough order.

e1

singing :> casually in a public location, so he probably doesn't care if he's heard doing so

his usual parking lot isn't often crowded

sandwich... Steal it, Ryan. You'll need the energy in the coming days.

didn't sleep well. NO ONE in mindverse sleeps well.

his usual lot is usually Empty.

enjoys the idea of pissing people off with his parking location

almost forgot to lock his car

wears his lab coat all the time. He thinks it's cool, it's cozy, I get it.

used to live in Michigan. Power grid for his town tanked by a raccoon once

laughs at someone menaced by his car alarm

unbothered by power issues

likes soda. Or at least isn't unhappy with it

laughs off someone overreacting to a minor inconvenience

shares a living space with Barney. Probably lives on-site, then? Barney's tram in to work goes from the dorms to his station. The car is weird, then, unless theres no tram to Ryan's usual spot.

Barney sleeps heavily or simply was exhausted. I like that this explains his being late, a bit.

opens double doors dramatically

bit of a flat affect. My autism senses are tingling

his college wasn't air conditioned :( Black Mesa is, though!

having his eyes out would Suck

very sarcastic

at least two miles above AnMat, he claims. Very interesting, as you can easily see the sky on your way into AnMat in Half Life. Understandable exaggeration.

unwilling to pay for a helicopter ride out to Black Mesa. The car ride had to be MISERABLE.

Barney likes safety!

Colleague.

laughs nervously when people are annoyed in his general area

clapping and shouting at Barney usually wakes him up

vaults over a desk for the purpose of politely disposing of his trash. unbothered by someone admonishing him. vaults back out

"I'm not in a rush" your Tram is in Eight Minutes

e2

cards... in the dark. silly.

yeah why IS that guard wearing an HEV suit

works in Sector G, as a robotics engineer

missed his train :(

thinks himself to be the youngest scientist in the building. Despite knowing Barney, who considers Gordon a friend. Interesting!

LIKES DR GREEN. MAN WITH GOOD TASTE

will definitely be late. Usually isn't, but worries over what'll be done because he's late.

let the man have his break

thinks some rooms are just needlessly large

doesn't call the VOX the VOX

gets a tad rude when someone asks after something that has just been answered

even while openly panicking, doesn't emote too much vocally

not sure how to act in this situation but does try to get Out of the tram serving as a barrier between him and the bullsquid

snaps at someone shooting at the thing, for whatever reason

e3

just had cpr performed on him. If his chest hurts that's probably because his RIBS are BROKEN. Headache is likely the Head Injury That Knocked Him Out

unconcerned by the blood around him

gman sighting,, LEAVE RYAN ALONE

feels like he Should be panicking but ultimately Isn't.

hates roaches :( respects them but doesn't like them

ignores strange noise. Ryan would survive a horror movie

gman i promise you don't want to hire this guy (lying)

not jazzed at dusty/bloody vent but doesn't complain overmuch about the cleanliness

points out that the vents are cold. Makes sense, he was just out driving not too long ago, perceptually

smoke in the vents! Coughing fit at very little smoke!

seems uncurious about a pistol in the vents, and is pretty cheery about laying hands on it

"yessirre"

"hi rat :)"

focused on his labcoat getting dirty. I can commiserate. That's his favourite bit of clothing if he's always wearing it.

does startle easily, but doesn't linger on awful things

decent ability to climb

jokes about dangerous torrent of water being a waterslide and walks around it with very little hesitation

only sounds mildly stressed when he falls into it

doesn't like freezing water. L

end card!!!! :D original art!!!

e4

Makes an odd analogy about the building being alive

Overall unconcerned about a bunch of mutilated humanoids, other than thinking them unfriendly and to be avoided

Wants some manner of weapon. Gets hit in the face by a headcrab and bemoans the lack further

Continues nervous laughter. Would rather be hallucinating than actually be near a gargantuar.

Considers his "happy place" to be facts about the Tau cannon. Spits those facts out in an effort to ignore all the headcrab zombies

He works on the Tau cannon! Or does so often enough to be able to alter its functionality

Has his own lab? May simply share a lab space with others but consider it his

Ignores horror over a corpse in favour of the bulletproof vest right next to it. Also searches the body for a gun. Pragmatic.

Considers his luck poor

A tad sarcastic when he's able to be

Content to swing a crowbar around like a baseball bat

Emotes the most vocally he has all series when complaining about being in pain

Feels wrong to kill the zombies. Decides he won't.

Jumps a gap, barely clears it, and does that with no hesitation or comment.

Seems to be right handed in the official art. I'd be interested to see if there's a Mindverse character that's left handed.

e5

His flashlight is a shake-to-charge sort

Vocally distressed at seeing a barnacle eat someone

Despite that, jokes about the eaten man's death

His lab is in the biology department, but he remains uninterested in biology

Takes off the vest with no hesitation. Very decisive man.

Continues to laugh when barely avoiding death

Electrical issues are a common occurrence at Black Mesa

Unbothered by taking a Snickers bar off of a dead man

Thinks first of a pizza when hungry

Keeps taking head injuries.

Reconsiders his initial reaction to some Thing, and rephrases by running and yelling.

Has to catch his breath after running from it

e6

Had to live in a storage unit for a while. His his bed behind a stack of boxes. The unit proper was always miserably cold.

Hates the idea of beating the zombies to death, but thinks he could shoot them.

Doesn't want to leave an injured man behind. Accepts the logic presented to him, though.

Continues to avoid killing things when he can avoid doing so

Carries on ignoring any bodies unless he thinks they have something to offer him

Doesn't care overmuch about the aliens.

The alarm that goes off here, and throughout all of Unforseen Consequences, is an alert of structural damage.

Hasn't been running for any of this. He isn't used to physical exertion.

Once tried to hack the announcement system for April Fool's. Failed. Impressed a guard is able to manage it

Takes a shotgun despite weight concerns, on account of it being a shotgun

Has clearance level four

Kills someone on accident. Promptly starts thinking in loops

e6.5

Has two opened cans of Squirt next to his laptop.

Bought a laptop on May 17, 1995, while in college/university.

Has no regrets about buying a laptop worth half his student debt. (Prin adjusted this for inflation and discovered that his laptop is around $3000, nowadays.)

e7

The framing of the opening shot suggests Ryan has been sitting quietly for some time, thinking about having killed someone.

His model is also very nice.

Attempting to rationalize the manslaughter away

He does have his phone on hand.

Injures his leg in an elevator crash

Panics while in a dangerous situation, but calms down pretty much immediately afterwards

Worried he's sustaining hearing damage, but holds priority at not dying

His bones audibly creak when he lands a jump. Complains about it, but doesn't sound like he's in pain

Likes that nothing can follow him into an air vent

Practically flies up the ladder, makes no mention of his leg bothering him on it

Just happy to be alive.

Accepts he has to leave people behind if he wants to survive this, and isn't happy about it

His phone, a Nokia, accepts calls by payment plan.

Todd Arlen has just called him. I've yet to watch Arlen's Mind, so this doesn't mean much to me, yet.

Todd has escaped Black Mesa, and seems surprised that Ryan hasn't. I'd say this suggests Ryan has lost substantial amounts of time to his assorted head injuries.

Silent when he hears he's at risk of being on-site when a nuke is dropped on the facility. Brushes it off when Todd asks after him.

Calls Todd by his last name primarily.

Outraged and afraid about the nuke.

Believes he's going to die.

Overall! the autism headcanons are primed for this guy. i like how much he seems to react to everything happening around him with around the same level of mild nervousness. unfortunately he is running around with broken ribs and later an injured leg that he KEEPS PUTTING WEIGHT ON. shakes him violently. please be careful i understand you have no better options right now but at least brace against a wall

[spindrifters]

zo i see your director’s commentary ask and i’m dying to know how you came up with marginalia. like…it’s so well thought out i can’t even comprehend where this idea would come from. give me all the fun facts i will eat them up xx

my brain started buzzing in about seventeen different directions when I saw this and I think the unifying answer is...

this is a resistant reading of the original books.

joanne created the foundations of some really interesting worldbuilding, and then expressed zero curiosity about it. there's just no interest whatsoever in unpacking the cultural shorthands she reached for. the eugenics of blood purity. the magical capital of who's allowed a wand and what wizarding society says about their personhood based on that. (I stg that scene in goblet of fire where winky gets sacked is a foundational trauma of my childhood.) magical theory. the otherness of werewolves and giants and those pushed to the margins. there's no curiosity about unpacking any of that because her pov character, harry, is inherently uncurious. because he doesn't need to be. he really isn't affected by these things in any way, and his perspective on those who are is... benevolently neoliberal. he's living in a really comfortable position, all things considered, and he's rewarded at the end by a narrative that says an ideal outcome is a return to that status quo. (which ultimately is going to just lead to the rise of the next fascist movement. they've already had 2 in under a century. after all, voldemort is a product of his environment.)

I think a lot of what we do as a fandom is dive into those queer slippages anyway, giving perspective to those who are affected by the conditions jkr created, whether she was aware she was doing it or not. (I tend to think not). but I started wondering what happens when you push that to the extreme and say the quiet part out loud. there are a lot of 'voldemort won' AUs that do this, but I couldn't be less interested in canon era, which is how we ended up with this timeline and obviously my boys remus and sirius as our point of view into it.

and then things got funky. in my little writer brain this was going to be all remus's story, but then I was like. well shit. I need sirius's perspective, too, so this doesn't come off as stockholm syndrome. and very, very quickly it became obvious that this was two intertwined stories about breaking cycles of abuse and trauma recovery. I started digging into the ways that systems of oppression damage everyone, including those purportedly at the top of the food chain. and then because I'm a maximalist at heart I was like hey let's explore print culture and traditional education and deconstruct the myth of the great man while we're at it, because these are all things joanne glorifies in her books that I have got feelings about.

ask me for the director's cut

[demoisverysexy]

I'm sorry but "Warnings for ... anti-Mormonism" The Mormon religion is a fucking cult and countless ex Mormons have come out to say as much. It's abusive, controlling, and horrifying. Don't you dare act like being against a cult deserves to be in the same warning as ableism.

Putting aside the fact that this ask implies that you have been searching through my blog for dirt on me, I have some thoughts. You say there are "countless" ex-Mormons who say that Mormonism is a cult. How many exmos is that? I know ex-Mormons who say it isn't a cult. They left because of legitimate grievances they have with the church, grievances which I largely agree with, but they insist it isn't a cult despite those issues they have. Which ex-Mormons should I be listening to? The ones who agree with you or the ones that agree with me?

My issue with this ask is how deeply uncurious and unserious it is. I have talked about why Mormonism isn't a cult before at length. I have talked about my issues with the religion, and have criticized aspects of it publicly. I have engaged publicly in interrogating and living my life in a way that neither betrays my principles nor Mormonism. How well I have done in that regard is not for me to say. But what I can be sure of is that you don't care about that. You're here because you're mad because I chewed you out about your bad take about Brandon Sanderson, as you demonstrated in your second ask:

There are a few things of note here. First of all, in the first sentence alone you made it obvious that your concern about me being Mormon isn't real. You're concern trolling me. You care far more that I dared to disagree with your weird take on the quality of Brandon Sanderson's writing than you care to actually bring up anything meaningful about the harm Mormonism has caused in the world as an institution. You're attempting here to sabotage my character and not actually address my beliefs and positions. You don't care, and that is why you move the goalposts both for your statement about my beliefs on Mormonism (me believing Mormonism isn't a cult becomes me "acting like anti-cult is bad"), and your shifting of your own position.

Let's talk about your original post for a moment, shall we. When you, the curator of a sideblog centered around A Song of Ice and Fire (hereafter referred to as ASoIAF), decide to make a post making fun of fans of Brandon Sanderson's books, how are we supposed to interpret this? Typically online when we make fun of the fans media online, we are not merely passing judgement on the fans themselves, we are implying that the fact that they enjoy the specific media they are fans of is an indicator of their stupidity in some way (e.g. Marvel fans, Swifties, etc). So while, in your initial post, it is true you said nothing textually about the quality of Sanderson's writing, by throwing Sanderson's fans under the bus, you were implying that Sanderson himself has done something to incur our ire as well. Then on top of that when I said in response to your post with "Question: why the fuck are we dragging Sanderson in all this? Not everything has to be game of thrones dude," you replied hyperbolically that you were going to break into every fan of Sanderson's writing and replace their copies of the Stormlight Archive with a box set of ASoIAF. Which implies much more strongly that you have a negative perception of Sanderson's writing compared to Martin's. The fact that after I responded with my post dressing you down, you went on to tag me in the notes of your own post passive aggressively, and then send me two anons vagueing me about my takes on Mormonism that you never bring up specifically indicates to me that you don't have an argument, not really. You're just mad, and you want an excuse to not like me. It's been a full day since I reblogged your post, and you decided to send me these asks. Don't you have anything better to do?

At the end of the day, a lot of the anti-Mormon sentiments (bigoted sentiments, as opposed to sentiments merely critical of actual problems within the church) comes down to laziness. When someone hates someone or something, there is a strong temptation to no longer think of the object of their hatred as worthy of study or speculation or even scrutiny. Any bad thing that is said about the object of one's hatred can be accepted and not questioned. It's useful in affirming your hatred, after all. And because of that, Mormonism itself is cast as a reason to dislike someone, as opposed to their actual bad actions.

I have done bad things in the past on tumblr. Publicly too. I'm sure you could find them if you went digging. But if you were to do that, I don't think you would be doing yourself, or me for that matter, any good. You would be no closer to seeing me, to hearing me, to understanding my way of seeing things and what makes me tick. When you view me merely as an opponent, as an obstacle in your story as opposed to somebody with a rich and complicated life, you impoverish your own experience and it becomes impossible for you to change me in a way that matters. If I am wrong to be Mormon, your attitude is the last thing I need. If you can't respect my human decency, please at least leave me alone. You have nothing to gain in obsessing over me because I disagreed with you about fantasy novels.

[interstitial-magica]

nobody follows me here anymore so it's probably the safest place to vent lmao.

realizing that a lot of the disconnect when it comes to how i interact with art/fiction and how other people - even people i consider friends - interact with it stems from like.... them treating it as homework. that's the best way i can describe it i think. y'know. first the assignment was "look for the most Ideologically Pure piece of art to interact with and then as soon as it depicts anything a darker shade of gray than #FAFAFA burn it to the ground and immediately start looking for a replacement" and now it's more "if a work of art/fiction tackles (x) dark subject matter, criticizing it at all is Sex-Negative Puritanical Anti behavior that makes you a cop/class traitor/queerphobe/tenderqueer pansy/[insert attack of character of choice here], and we don't want to be that, so we must avoid saying Uncouth Things and actively retraumatize ourselves even if the work is dogshit or even could simply be improved upon."

and then, of course, because they've been treating it as a homework assignment this whole time, they come up to Me assuming that i have Also been treating it as a homework assignment, like "oh man, i'm so glad we're done with the Old Assignment and have collectively agreed it was stupid, i know it was really bad for both of us - but now we can move onto the New Assignment!" and like. well. sure. you can do that. but i was not aware that this was a homework assignment. i was just experiencing art. not to make myself sound like dull and uncurious or anything - if something gets recommended to me i Am going to check it out. the only thing that changes is whether i check it out expecting it to suck donkey balls or expecting it to be good. sometimes i'm right and sometimes i'm wrong. sometimes i learn something new about myself or the world around me and sometimes i have previous beliefs reinforced, both positive and negative. and i enjoy talking about all of these experiences (or at least i Would enjoy talking about them if i found anyone who feels the same way) because that's just what interacting with art/fiction Is. it's not a fuckin' homework assignment, at least not past k-12. and it never Was one for me.

not to Unironically find moral superiority in being a hater but is there just no place for this kind of dissection anymore? am i just expected to be an eternal asskisser and cast aside the boundaries it took me fucking Decades to set up the same way i was expected to immediately cast aside anything that spoke to my darker feelings as a youth bc it was ugly? is the only explanation for these feelings really just. ignorance? is that the only way people see me? how.... dismal! i don't want to lose friends over this but if this is what i'm losing them over then maybe it's for the best! i just wanna look at some fuckin guts and wires in peace! damn!!!

[madness-in-the-flesh]

Prompt 99 with Deimos. Please.

this weirdly turned out kinda fluffy which was not my intention but.... y'know. Whoops I guess

Deimos Prompt Drabble

GENRE - Romantic

PROMPT - ” Say you love me! Please say you love me! It’s all I want to hear for the rest of my life! “ [ From this prompt list ]

TRIGGER WARNINGS - Drugging

Your chest rose and fell with every slow breath you took in my sleep. Deimos held you, staring up at the ceiling as his heart raced thinking of the words you spoke in your sleep.

Minutes ago you and your friend had been enjoying a drink he had prepared for you. One of your favourites and your heart skipped a beat at the fact he had. You two continued to talk until you began to feel a bit drowsy. Deimos eagerly watched you taking drinks in-between your conversation, His grin getting slightly bigger every time you took another sip. It tasted somewhat bitter, which was odd but you presumed that it was just because Deimos had made it.

You don't want to blame in on him, But blamed it on the bitter taste of the cigarettes he smoked and mistakenly maybe got into your drink. After all, there's not another way your drink had gotten more bitter. You trusted him enough to prepare your drink after all.

You continued with your chat, Deimos drinking his own drink. It was like every other conversation you had, Making the usual jokes and playful jabs about each other, Whether it was his nicotine addiction or your interest in

At one point, the two of you had been joking around which caused you to choke and spit taking over both yourself and him causing you both to freeze up. Locking and holding eye contact for a moment. The two of you took in the situation and that only made your two fits of the giggles. Deimos stood up, commenting he'd be back in a moment. Going to gather something to wash you up.

Equally so, you felt another wave of tiredness wash over you as you put the cup down. With a yawn, your eyes fluttered and stared at the sofa in front of you. It was like the world began to slow down and you were struggling to stay awake.

Consciousness was torn away slowly and closed your eyes one last time. You promised that you would only close your eyes for a few seconds but seconds quickly drifted into minutes as you fell asleep. Falling back onto the sofa with a " soft " thud. Drifting off to dream land.

When Deimos came back, He was happy to see the drug had finally kicked in. Scooting beside you along the sofa. He shifted you around until he had you facing him, Spooning you. Deimos stared down at you, Taking in every little detail as he fiddled with your face, whether it was playing with your hair or tracing his fingers across your jaw. He wanted every bit of you.

For the first time, he let an unknown tension go, Deimos placing small kisses on the back of your neck and cheek. He would treasure this moment for as long as he could, Until he could do it while you were conscious.

You stirred murmuring in your sleep but never waking up. Disjointed mumbled about whatever dream you were having was amusing. He'd laugh lightly as he listened in. Comments about silly things that only someone as gorgeous as you could dream about. He wonddered if you dreamt of him, He dreamt of you a lot. You consumed not only his every waking thought. His uncurious ones were filled with visions of the two of you together, In the most intimate and domestic situations. He envied his dream self for that. How could he have you but reality be so ruthless.

” Say you love me! Please say you love me! It’s all I want to hear for the rest of my life! “ He called to your unconscious form, Not entirely paying attention to his own words as he stared up at the ceiling. Thinking of the moments you shared in his fantasy land only to be pulled out by a new murmur from you, One that caught the smoker off guard.

" Love you " you whispered between breaths effortlessly, However... To you it had just been a sentence spoken in your dream. Not even knowing where or who those words were from. Nonetheless the storyline of your dream continued without you realizing the mistake you had made.

He stared in disbelief. It sounded... so genuine. This was almost proof that you loved him. His heart skipped a beat as he tried not to squirm but couldn't help himself, Unable to stay still thanks to the newfound joy. It fuelled him and smirked like an idiot as he played those words over and over again before peppering more kisses, rewarding your unconscious self for saying the one thing he wanted to hear for the longest time. It had set an unknown fire, Sparking his obsession only to get worse. It was almost encouraging it. You had to know what you were doing to him then if this is what you spoke back, even in your sleep. You had to love him back right? Yeah! That was the only option!

His head fell back as he continued to replay the words in his mind, Thinking of what he'd tell his best buddy Sanford about when he got back to him.

[profound-yet-trivial]

1.

Immersing myself in classic literature and philosophy has been, not merely delightful, but an essential part of my maturing as a human being.

I think, in particular, that those studies helped me to dissolve several psychological knots I was tied up in, knots which weren't going to be addressed by mathematics. Those fields are my particular favorites, but of course history and visual art and music and poetry etc can unlock the same vistas.

Cultivating and following one's curiosity is the equivalent of physical fitness, and if you don't try anything outside one field, you're skipping leg day.

2.

The first truth is being weaponized into a really stupid debate, framed as "Humanities majors connect with the breadth of human experience, unlike the uncurious STEM automatons". The posts making the rounds within our bubble are pretty clearly insults hurled in the other direction, "STEM is pinned down to concrete facts, unlike the humanities, which allow bullshit".

To the humanities-leaning: Curiosity about the sciences tells you meaningful things you can't learn from the humanities: primarily, how to not take the way the world is for granted - to look a mirror, and figure out not only what mirrors mean to humans, but why a mirror reflects you left-right instead of up-down, and why silver reflects visible light, and how the atoms "know" to emit the light at the same angle it arrived. All of these answers will expand your way of thinking, not just about mirrors, but about what it means to be in this universe.

Forget the people arguing about STEM vs humanities online. Find someone in your life who's excited to show you something in the sciences (and knows you well enough to guess what you might like and what you're ready for). Trust me, it will be way more fascinating than your algebra tests were.

To the STEM-leaning: yes, there's bullshit in parts of the humanities, and if the discourse isn't pitched at a general level then it's impossible to tell what's bullshit and what's real. But the same goes for the sciences- an expert can lie to a non-expert on any topic the non-expert doesn't already know something about.

Forget the people arguing about STEM vs humanities online. Find someone in your life who's excited to show you something in the humanities (and knows you well enough to guess what you might like and what you're ready for). Trust me, it will be way more real than your English essays were.

3.

Credentialism is an entirely separate topic. I had the opportunity to attend a great college because my parents could afford it, so I didn't need to carry massive debt through my graduate studies (which I didn't have to pay for because STEM departments at big universities have enough money to pay their grad students).

A PhD in math has got my foot in the door for more interviews than it honestly ought to (given how often I've then failed said interviews). I know what kind of privilege that is.

In many cases, taking a humanities major means choosing a harder path to career fulfillment than taking another major. It's absolutely fine to decide that's worth it for the years of immersing oneself in what one treasures, within a community of peers and scholars.

But it's still trading that experience for money (both present and future), and that's the context where we can ask (in economic terms) how much to count it as consumption and how much as investment. (It's not a binary question.)

With respect to career success, it's mostly consumption: you are spending money to enjoy life more and to become more the person you want to be, in a similar sense as if you took a year to travel the world and find yourself. Consumption doesn't mean anything bad, in that sense.

Sometimes it's investment - someone brought up the example of their aunt and Nicolas Cage being in an acting class together. It is worth saying that in a world like acting, where the ratio of applicants to jobs is insane, some investments aren't great ones. That person's aunt was probably making a poor investment compared to Nicolas Cage, who already had the advantage of being Francis Ford Coppola's nephew.

On an individual level, it's a tough decision to put on the shoulders of a teenager - to pick between things one enjoys various amounts (and even then, the upper-division classes are often so different than lower-division classes that they may as well be a different field - definitely true in mathematics, where you've never actually experienced mathematics until you've gone beyond the classes taught for other departments' requirements), with little knowledge of how career paths look beyond the diploma (let alone how those may change).

[sunsoothed]

sweetmeat

CHAYENZO NATION GUESS WHO'S BACK !! WITH HIGH SCHOOL CHAYENZO !!! i lowkey missed writing for these two, heh. beware of teenagers and light angst.

word count: 1334

read on ao3

enjoy :]

-

“Can you even eat this stuff?”

“Just because I’m from Italy doesn’t mean I’m an alien,” Vincenzo growls, stabbing into his sundae with great force. “You’re so annoying.”

Chayoung smiles, all polite, her words anything but. “But I’m also the only person who has the guts to talk to you, so play nice.”

He makes a point of chewing a whole slice of chicken at her. She keeps the eye-contact.

“I don’t think you know how lucky you are,” she continues, still on her triade, “that I chose to approach you.”

Vincenzo nods along.

“Yah, you know what people would do to you if I didn’t have your back?”

“Beat me? Lock me in the toilets like in the dramas?”

“Well,” her face pulls into one of her overdramatic grimaces. “I mean, yes?”

Vincenzo blinks at her, all playfulness dissipated. “What do you mean, yes?”

“You asked, I answered,” Chayoung shrugs. She watches him take a sip from his cup of water.

“What?” she probes, brandishing her chopsticks towards him. “I thought you were very tough. You’re pretty competent on the field.”

“Sports is different,” he insists. “Papa told me not to get into trouble.”

“Do you think you can avoid trouble? With that face?”

Affronted, Vincenzo places a hand on his cheek. “What’s wrong with my face?”

“Exactly.” Chayoung makes a point of it, tapping her chopsticks against her plate. “There’s nothing wrong with it.”

He huffs out a disbelieving laugh. “You did not just compliment me.”

“When did I?” she mutters. “Who would compliment you.”

“No, you’re right,” Vincenzo sighs. “Who would compliment my flawless face?”

Chayoung scowls and looks away, interest somehow doubled in her food. He watches her with a small smile at play. After a moment — before she can catch him looking — he, too, returns to his food. He doesn’t like sundae, but something about Hong Chayoung always has him needing to restore his ego.

-

Vincenzo watches her, again, as she walks ahead of him. It’s safer to watch her back. “What’s the real reason, though?”

She turns on her heel. “Hm?”

“You’re walking me home now. Are you still trying to save me from bullies?”

“Isn’t it obvious?” Chayoung asks, as if it’s obvious. “Things are worse outside school, you know.”

“Are they,” he intones.

“Dreadfully so. Once knew a guy who was chased all the way from here to Myeondong.”

“Myeongdong is…”

“Far away,” she informs.

“Far away.” He nods back, sagely, all-accepting.

And silence. Vincenzo takes a step closer, then a step faster, aiming to match her tempo, but she’s too quick for him.

He runs a hand through his hair. “So do you live around here, then?”

“Mm. Just ahead, on the left there’s a road that has two seven-elevens eight stores apart.” She holds two fingers up, demonstrating. “If you pass the second one, there’s an intersection, and from the intersection you need to walk about six houses down before there’s a right turn, and there’s my house.”

“I see.”

“No you don’t,” Chayoung decides. “You’ll get lost very easily. Don’t stray, okay?”

“Yes, ma’am.”

-

“Here, too?”

Chayoung claps his shoulder with more force than necessary. “Especially here. Do you know what will happen to you with that face of yours?”

Vincenzo, hands haphazard, only manages to cover half of said face. “You keep talking about my face, my god.”

“It’s a dangerous one,” she says, very seriously. “Very dangerous face.”

Vincenzo contorts this oh so dangerous face of his into a scowl, then very pointedly stares at the books in front of him. He thinks Chayoung will try and retaliate in kind, or she might berate him for being uncool, but she only stares at him for a second, and then actually starts working. Vincenzo blinks into the distance of the empty library, then starts on his work, too.

After an unspecified amount of time, Chayoung kicks his shin under the table. “Will you help me solve this sum?”

She doesn’t need help. That much even Vincenzo knows. He leans over the table regardless, deciphering her chicken scrawl with ease, then underlines a particular step with his pencil.

“Look here. You’re not transposing properly,” he says. Beside her working, he starts writing his own.

Chayoung’s eyes narrow in concentration. “It’s an x+7. What’s there to transpose?”

“No, no —” Vincenzo draws a line between her sum and his solving “— you need to make your expression like this so that you can find x. You won’t be able to find it like that, because the —”

“Cos pi-by-two won’t cancel out,” Chayoung fills in. She nods to herself. “Got it.”

Vincenzo draws a little star by the answer. “It’s not like you to not understand it.”

She leans forward, chin in hand, eyes serving a question to him. A question which he horribly misinterprets, for he mirrors her, leaning forward himself. Chayoung blinks at him, unquestioning but not uncurious, watches silently as his face slips from his hand, owing to the moisture in the air, and with smugness, says, “This is a library, Vincenzo Cassano. We don’t do these things here.”

-

“How much was it? Fifty thousand won?”

“Yah, we agreed on seventy-five thousand. Don’t go back on your words.”

Vincenzo stops, gravel under his shoes striking once and laying dormant. That’s Chayoung’s voice.

“Seventy-five thousand? Are you out of your mind?”

“Look here, Jaehwa.”

Vincenzo peers around the side of the building, catching sight of Chayoung and a few other girls in the area behind the dance studio. It’s three against one.

“You told me twenty-five for approaching him, twenty-five for making a move, twenty-five for a date. Doesn’t that add up?”

Approaching him, making a move, a date. Vincenzo bites his lip. He doesn’t remember a date.

“You’re twisting my words —”

Vincenzo tries to get a better look. Chayoung has whipped out her phone now. “Listen to your own words.”

And sure enough, through the recording, sings this same person’s voice. Vincenzo watches, detached.

You’ve seen the new guy? He’s attractive, isn’t he?

He leans against the wall he’s partially hidden behind, one foot crossed over the other. The girl’s face is turning an angry red.

How much for you to seduce him?

Fuck off.

That sounds like Chayoung.

Ten thousand? Fifteen thousand?

He’s not worth that much.

Well, ouch. Vincenzo idly taps a foot on the ground, immersed in the conversation.

Okay, okay, twenty-five thousand.

To approach him.

What, no —

Twenty-five to approach him, twenty-five to befriend him, twenty-five for… a date?

A kiss.

His foot stills.

No. That’s too cruel, even for you.

Do you even —

How would your boyfriend feel, knowing you —

Shut up.

Vincenzo imagines her zipping her mouth shut and locking it, too.

So?

Twenty-five for approaching him, twenty-five for making a move, twenty-five for a date.

Promise.

What are we, twelve?

Promise, or your father finds out what you’re doing.

Why do I even —

Put up with me? Because you need the entertainment and I have something hanging over your head. Why do I put up with you, that’s another story —

The recording stops. Well, Vincenzo supposes, that’s that, then.

-

“Are you hurt?”

“What by?”

Chayoung hands him an ice-cream bar. “I saw you.”

Reading the label, he raises an eyebrow. “You see me a lot.” Affogato.

She takes a bite from her nougat bar, leans over the railing of the terrace they’ve illegally occupied. “This morning. When I was talking to Jaehwa.”

“Jaehwa?”

“Short hair. Badly-done tips. You can smell her perfume from a kilometre away.”

“Ah, Jaehwa.” Vincenzo shoves his Affogato ice cream in his mouth. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Avoiding the issue, speaking with your mouth full.” Chayoung nods to herself. “Okay, I’ll drop it.”

He makes a show of shrugging. She takes another ruthless bite of her ice-cream, watches him, blinks once.

Vincenzo can taste the bitterness at the back of his mouth for the rest of the day.

[media-on-the-mind101]

Turtles All the Way Down: OCD and Generalized Anxiety Disorder (Book)

* May contain spoilers*

I recently finished reading Turtles All the Way Down by John Green, and it is now one of my favorite novels. The story hit me close to home because it deals with a disorder that I was diagnosed with. I thought writing an article about it would be a good way to educate you readers, while also sharing a little bit about myself.

Turtles All the Way Down is story about a teenage girl named Aza Holmes who suffers from OCD or Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. The story shows how the disorder impacts her daily life as well as her relationships. Because the author suffers from the disorder in real life, the depiction is fairly accurate. However, I spotted a few things that might suggest a whole different diagnosis whatsoever. The story also covers Aza’s treatment which I felt was missing a lot of important things.

According to the DSM 5 (Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders) Obsessive Compulsive Disorder is a disorder where a person gets caught in a cycle of obsessions and compulsions. Obsessions are intrusive thoughts that trigger distressing feelings, while compulsions are repetitive behaviors that are performed to relieve anxiety or prevent something bad from happening. OCD is often confused with OCPD (Obsessive Compulsive Personality Disorder) which is characterized by extreme perfectionism, order, and neatness. OCPD is often portrayed as OCD in the media which means that stereotypical OCD is really OCPD.

While Aza does have obsessions that involve cleaning, they are more about health and less about being organized. People with OCD often have a specific thing they worry about, and for Aza it is contracting an infection from a parasite called C-diff which essentially causes food poisoning and stomach damage. While she doesn’t really do anything to neutralize or cancel her thoughts out, she repeatedly reads articles online and uses hand sanitizer to relieve her anxiety.

As you may already have figured out, people with OCD often have illogical thought patterns and they are fully aware of it. But their anxiety makes them perform their compulsion anyway “just to make sure.” This is seen in the book when Aza drinks a bottle of hand sanitizer to insure that all bad bacteria inside her body are cured. Of course we all know, that drinking hand sanitizer would actually be more harmful then helpful.

“Drinking hand sanitizer is not going to make you healthier, you crazy fuck. But they can talk to your brain. THEY can tell your brain what to think, and you can’t. So, who’s running the show? Stop it, please (pg. 210).

In this scene, Aza knows that drinking hand sanitizer is actually more harmful then helpful, but she feels as if something is controlling her brain. The “they” refers to her OCD and she tells it to stop but isn’t able to control it.

While reading the book, I noticed that some of Aza’s symptoms don’t quite fit the diagnosis of OCD, such as her feeling of not knowing if she is awake or dreaming, real or non-existent. In one chapter she says the following:

“the pressing of my thumbnail against my fingertip had started off as a way of convincing myself that I was real . . . every time I thought maybe I wasn’t real, I would dig my nail into my fingertip, and I would feel the pain, and for a second I’d think, Of course I’m real” (pg.106).

The feeling of disconnect she has from her own body and surroundings are actually symptoms of DDD (Depersonalization - Derealization Disorder). According to the DSM, the disorder is characterized by persistent feelings of being a stranger to yourself or your surroundings. According to Psychology Today, however, you have to have no signs of other mental illness that can explain your symptoms, in order to be diagnosed with DDD. This is when diagnosing a patient becomes challenging; so many disorders can have similar symptoms or be co-morbid with each other that it they can difficult to differentiate.

The other symptom I noticed that is actually its own disorder, is the fact that Aza has a habit of digging her nail into her fingertip to the point where her finger becomes scarred. While picking of the skin is often comorbid with OCD, it is actually a separate disorder called excoriation disorder or dermatillomania. According to mhanational.org, this disorder is characterized by picking of the skin that creates skin lesions and that causes disruption in everyday life. It is true that the disorder falls under the category of obsessive compulsive disorders in the DSM, but excoriation disorder is not the same as OCD.

Now we’ve defined what OCD is, but another important part of how the book portrays it is in the treatment. According to Mayoclinic.com, the most common treatments for OCD include CBT (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy), exposure therapy, and medications such as SSRIs (Selective Serotonin Reuptake Inhibitors). These are the treatments that I had during my childhood, and they have been statistically proven to be very effective. 

In the book Aza sees a therapist and takes medication, but she doesn’t get exposure therapy, one of the main treatments for OCD. Aza mainly gets CBT which is essentially talk therapy, but she is not forced to face her obsessions without performing her compulsions. An example of this would be touching a dirty substance and then forcing herself not to take out her phone or use hand sanitizer. 

The last important thing is how OCD effects a peoples relationships. Throughout the story, the characters in Aza’s life talk about how hard she is to deal with. One scene toward the end really emphasizes the importance of this issue. In this scene, Aza and her best friend Daisy get into an argument because Daisy feels that Aza is too self-centered.

She says “and you’re so, like, pathologically uncurious that you don’t even know what you don’t know.” And later she adds “I don’t mean that you’re a bad friend or anything. But you’re slightly tortured, and the way you’re tortured is sometimes also painful for, like, everyone around you”(pg. 216).

Daisy is frustrated because she feels like Aza is so caught up in her own thoughts that she never shows any interest in the lives of others. When she says Aza is “tortured” and it makes it painful for everyone around her, this shows just how much her illness impacts her relationships with other people. Basically, people find her difficult to be around because they, in a sense, have to experience everything with her and they begin to lose patience. At the end of this scene, the two girls get into a car accident because they weren’t paying attention to the road.

Aza’s other important relationship in the story is with is Davis, who is like a friend with benefits. The reason he never becomes Aza’s boyfriend is because of her social anxiety and fear of contamination that prevents her from being physically close to people. 

“I enjoyed being with him more in this nonphysical space, but I also felt the need to board up the windows of myself. Me: I feel kinda precarious in general, and I can’t really date you. Or date anyone. I’m sorry but I can’t. I like you, but I can’t date you” (pg. 162).

I this scene, Aza reveals that she communicates better online then in person and this suggests that she has some form of social anxiety.

Another scene tells us just how much her fear of germs effects her life: “billions of people kiss and don’t die just make sure his microbes aren’t going to permanently colonize you come on please stop this . . . then you’ll get C. diff and boom dead in four days please fucking stop just kiss him JUST CHECK TO MAKE SURE. I pulled away” (pg. 152).

In this scene, Aza has difficulty being physically intimate with Davis because her fear of germs prevents from enjoying it like most people would. Based on this fact, we could predict that Aza will have difficulty in her future relationships because of her mental illness and this is a great example of how it effects people in real life.

As I mentioned in the beginning of this article, the author John Green himself suffers from OCD. Compared to his own experiences, the book is pretty similar. Like the main character, Green suffers from obsessions about contamination. In an episode of the Vlogbrothers Youtube channel, Green explains that

 “I might worry out of nowhere that my food is contaminated or somehow poisoned and then somehow suddenly that will be the only thought I'm able to think . . . I can lose all control over my thoughts for an extended period of time to the extent that I can't follow what's happening in a TV show or read a book.” (Green).

*John Green, author of Turtles All the Way Down*

So like Aza, he worries about contamination to the point where he can’t focus on anything else. He also has the same kinds of thought spirals :  

“the compulsive behaviors I use to cope with these obsessive thought spirals, repeatedly checking my food for contamination, for instance, or spending hours Googling what will happen to me if I eat moldy bread.” (Green).

As you can see, the characters compulsion of checking in internet comes straight from the author’s real life experience. According to the New York Times, John Green developed the disorder at around seven years old and eventually got it under control with the right medication and CBT. It was not said weather or not he underwent exposure therapy. So the treatment that Aza receives is based on the way some treatments work in real life.

While reading Turtles All the Way Down I  often found myself feeling nostalgic because my own experience with OCD is very similar. Although I do not have an obsession with a specific thing like Aza does, I have the same types of intrusive thoughts. I also have similar compulsions to seek reassurance from the internet or other people about my health, as well as other compulsions to neutralize, or cancel out my thoughts. 

Because I had Tourette Syndrome (a neurological disorder that causes physical impulses) as a child, I developed what is called Tourettic OCD. It is pretty much exactly what it sounds like; Tourette Syndrome and OCD combined. The reason this occurs in some individuals is because the ability to filter out and thoughts and the impulse to move, take place in the same brain area, the basal ganglia. As a result of this, my compulsions tend to be more physical, such as moving my eyes excessively whenever I see negative words in a book, or someone getting sick in a movie.

Like Aza, I went through CBT but I also went through several years of exposure therapy and I take an SSRI in conjunction. I think exposure therapy is a very important part of the treatment of disorders such as OCD and PTSD and I was disappointed that the book did not include it. I think that if you are going to educate a person about disorder, then you have to educate them about the treatment as well. In conclusion, Turtles All the Way Down was a great novel that captured OCD more accurately then any movie I have seen. The fact that the author has the disorder makes it all the more realistic and personal, and I have to say as a person with OCD and a psychology major, I was quite pleased with the way the character was portrayed. The story may have been missing a few important elements but overall it provided a realistic way of educating people about the disorder.

[alonely-dreamer]

The Valuable Sun | Chapter 3

Summary: Brooklynne Stackhouse is Sookie and Jason Stackhouse’s little sister. Like her older sibling, she is a telepath, but her powers are far more stronger and far more uncontrollable than her sister’s. After a series of murders in Bon Temps, Sookie takes it upon herself to investigate, taking her younger sister with her in a club called Fangtasia, where they meet vampire and sheriff Eric Northman.

Pairing: Eric x OC

Warnings: 18+ (language, violence, blood)

A/N: Please, note that I am French so there might be some mistakes here and there.

Words: 3117

Schedule: A new chapter will be posted every Monday. Chapter 4 to 9 are available on my Patreon for early and instant access.

PS: This chapter is a little short so I’ll be posting chapter 4 today too!

Masterlist

Chapter 1 | Chapter 2

Brooke stared at the blood on the floor right in front of her. She slowly moved her eyes up to her sister who was covered in blood. Sookie looked as bad as she felt. Both sisters were trembling, deeply disturbed by what they had just witnessed. The blood at her feet reminded Brooke of the night she had come home to find her grandmother lying dead on the floor of the kitchen in a pool of her own blood. Ginger only stopped screaming when she started vomiting all over the floor. Great. Just more for her to clean up.

“Come,” Pam said without any trace of sympathy in her voice, as she gestured for Sookie and Brooke to follow her.

Sookie moved first. She slid off the table where Longshadow had tried to kill her and turned towards her little sister who was still sitting on the floor.

“Come on,” she told her. She wanted to hold a hand out to her but she was covered in dead vampire blood.

Brooklynne slowly rose to her feet and followed Pam and her sister to the bathroom, leaving Eric and Bill with a sick Ginger. The youngest Stackhouse sat on the couch at the entrance of the restroom and let her sister take the direction of the sink. She took one quick look at herself in the mirror, then opened the tap and started cleaning her face. It was hard to wash blood away. It took her half an hour to completely clean her face and remove the blood out of her hair. Though, only a proper shower and shampoo would completely remove the red out of her blond head.

Brooklynne left the room, though not physically. She travelled back and forth between her sister’s mind and Ginger’s. Ginger’s head was a terrible place to be in. She was scared and panicked and could barely remember her own name because of all the time she had been glamoured. Poor Ginger had to clean up what was left of Longshadow, and of her dinner.

Pam eventually joined them in the bathroom, after Sookie had cleaned her face and cleavage entirely. She had a black leather dress in her hand which she handed out to Sookie.

“Put this on.”

Sookie took one look at the material of the dress and knew she’d rather stay in her bloody dress than to change into it. “Oh… thanks but… I’m just gonna dry out my hair and be on my way.”

Pam shook her head slightly. “You’re not going anywhere. Eric and your boyfriend aren’t nearly done talking just yet.”

“Is… Bill in some kind of trouble?”

“That’s for the boys to figure out. Right now, what you need to do is change out of your clothes. There’s vampire in your cleavage.”

Sookie looked down and gasped as she saw a piece of skin between her breasts. “Okay, ew.”

“Allow me,” Pam smirked as she took a step forward before she brought a hand to Sookie’s cleavage and took out what was left of Longshadow.

“Thank you,” Sookie said quietly, unable to look away from the vampire.

“I’m beginning to understand why Bill likes you so much,” she smiled playfully as a way to flirt, perhaps enjoying making the human uncomfortable.

Ginger interrupted them as she entered the room. “Oh, hey there, Pam,” she said. “Oh, who’s your new friend?”

“Ginger, Sookie, Sookie, Ginger. And Brooklynne,” she said, pointing at the youngest telepath that was still sitting on the couch behind her.

“Nice to meet you,” Ginger grinned.

“Right,” Sookie nodded as she understood that Ginger had been glamoured. “Nice to meet you too.”

“Oh, you don’t have to be so scared,” Ginger said. “They’re really very nice here,” she told her before she exited the room.

“I’ll get you something else to wear,” the vampire said before she left too.

Once they were alone, Sookie made her way to her sister, and sat behind her.

“Are you okay?”

“I’m fine.”

“Why did Eric come to you for help?”

“I don’t know,” she lied.

“I think he didn’t want to ask me because I’m Bill’s. So he asked you knowing no one could stop him if he really wanted to use you.”

“I didn’t mind helping him.”

“And looked what happened. It’s not safe to be around vampires.”

Brooklynne raised an eyebrow. “You’re not really in a position to say such a thing, Sook.”

“Bill is different.”

“Maybe. Maybe not.”

“What is that supposed to mean?”

“It means what it means, Sook.”

“Did Eric contact you after we came here the other day?”

“No,” she said, which wasn’t a lie considering she had been the one to come here.

“Well I’d appreciate if you stayed away from him.”

“And I’d appreciate if you didn’t tell me what to do.”

***

The sun was an hour away when Eric released them. He hadn’t said a word to Brooklynne and hadn’t even been around when they left. Sookie was worried for Bill. He had killed another vampire after all, in front of his sheriff. There would be consequences and she wanted to know them. She knew that Bill was lying when he told her everything was going to be okay. They dropped Brooklynne at the house before they drove to Bill’s for some alone time together. She was happy to be home, but, for once, she wasn’t happy to be alone.

Her sleep was interrupted by nightmares and she felt tired the entire following day. Sookie had only come home to get ready for work and had come back after her shift pretty upset. Brooke was in the living room, reading another of her grandmother’s novels, when her sister came back from work.

“What happened?”

“Bill stopped by. He left with Eric and Pam to a tribunal,” she explained as she sat down next to her. A dog was following her, and he sat down at her feet.

“A tribunal?”

“Yes. He’s going to be judged for killing Longshadow.”

“But… he was defending you. Is he in big trouble?”

“He said he was. He said he didn’t know if he was coming back…” she sniffed, then tried to blink the tears away.

“Oh, Sook.” Brooke wished she knew what to say, but she was terrible at reassuring people. She could say ‘I’m sure he’ll be fine’ but she didn’t know it to be true and she didn’t want to give her false hope. But what else could she say?

“I’m going to bed,” Sookie said as she got up. “All this vampire business is exhausting.”

“Me too, I’m tired.”

She followed Sookie who was followed by the dog. She frowned. There was something abnormal with that dog. But something oddly familiar. She let it go as she entered her bedroom and closed the door behind her.

She was woken up in the middle of the night by loud screams coming from her sister’s bedroom. There was someone else there, someone who sounded familiar. She rushed to Sookie’s room and found her standing near the window, branding her hairbrush as a weapon. Sam Merlotte was standing a few feet from her, and completely naked.

“Sam?”

“Brooke, hey. It’s not what you think.”

“You were the dog!” she said as she now realized why the animal had looked familiar.

“It… is exactly what you think…” he said, wondering how she knew.

“Wait you knew?” Sookie asked. “You knew he’s a shape-shifter?”

“Yeah,” she shrugged, like it wasn’t a big deal, as she rubbed her eyes.

“How?” Sam questioned. “I never told you.”

“I heard you once. You saw a dog at the restaurant and thought you’d like to change into it later that night.”

“Why didn’t you say anything?”

“I don’t know. I figured you wanted to keep it private.”

“Well… that was very respectful of you,” he said, still completely baffled. Though, he supposed he shouldn’t be surprised. Brooklynne had always been very different.

“Can you uh… keep it down? I’m really tired.”

“Yeah, sorry.”

“Sorry I woke you,” Sookie said.

Brooklynne said goodbye before she went back to bed, completely uncurious about Sam, maybe because she already knew what she needed to know. He was a shapeshifter, what else was there to say?

***

Sookie had kicked Sam out during the night, apparently angry that he hadn’t told her his biggest secret. Brooklynne couldn’t understand why, though she guessed it had something to do with pride.

“Did you know werewolves are real?” Sookie asked as she was venting at her sister during breakfast.

No, Brooklynne didn’t know that, but Sookie didn’t give her time to answer as she kept blabbering.

“I mean… you think you know someone,” she finally said with a sigh as she let herself fall on a chair. “And now I’m gonna be late,” she said as she looked at her watch.

“Could you tell Arlene…”

“Thanks for the invite, sorry you couldn’t come, yes I will,” she said before she left the house.

Arlene’s engagement party was today, and Sam had agreed to host it at the bar. Sookie and other friends of Arlene’s were expected to get the restaurant ready for tonight. Brooklynne was always invited to parties like this one, but she never went. She figured it was out of politeness that they kept inviting her and she hoped they didn’t think that it was out of rudeness that she never went.

Brooklynne was already sleeping when Sookie came back home later that night. But she wasn’t alone. At first, she thought she had invited Sam to apologize for kicking him out the previous night, but then she realized as she listened that Sookie had been attacked at the party. She walked down the stairs in her pajamas and joined them in the living room where Sookie was getting the couch ready for him.

“What happened?”

Sookie’s first instincts were to lie but she thought better of it when she remembered her sister couldn’t be lied to.

“Someone tried to kill me at the party,” she said as she sat down on the couch next to the shapeshifter. “But I’m fine. Thanks to Sam.”

“The same person who killed Gran?”

“I think so.”

“Did you call Jason?”

“He’s not answering.”

Brooklynne sighed. She was worried for her big brother, but right now, she was more worried for her sister who had just almost died.

“Go back to bed, Brooke. We’ll talk about it in the morning.”

“And don’t be worried,” Sam told them. “No one’s entering this house as long as I’m here.”

***

The following morning, Brooklynne joined Sookie and Sam in the kitchen. Her sister had barely slept. Sam was eating the eggs she had made for him while she had her nose inside the yellow pages.

“I’ll tell you what,” she said as her sister sat down with them, “I am sick and tired of waiting around to get strangled.”

“Well, it’s not gonna happen while I’m here,” Sam told her.

“You can’t spend twenty-four hours a day with me for the rest of my life,” she chuckled.

“Sure I can,” he said, and he was only half joking.

“I wanna find that guy before he finds me again.”

“So, you’re looking up killers in the yellow pages?” he asked, making Brooklynne laugh.

“Ha-ha, no,” Sookie rolled her eyes. “I remembered. In my sleep, I remembered. The girl I saw in the killer’s mind, her clothes, the apron, it was a uniform. She was a waitress and there was a tag. Her name was Cindy. And the restaurant’s name was something about pies. Party pies or Patty Pies.”

“Wait, you mean Big Patty’s Pie House?” Sam asked.

“Yes!”

“Well, yeah, I know Big Patty’s. It’s off I-49, a ways south, near Bunkie.”

Sookie nodded enthusiastically. “Great! You… you don’t have to come with me,” she chuckled. “Brooke and I can go ourselves.”

Brooklynne raised an eyebrow, unaware she’d have to go anywhere, but ultimately wouldn’t complain about it. She rarely got to leave the house.

“Yeah, I do,” he said. “Come on, eat up, you need your fuel.”

***

“No, ma’am, no, sir. I don’t know any Cindy,” the waitress from the pie restaurant told them. “But I can recommend the fried apple pie, the frozen Hawaiian pie…” she proceeded to tell them all the pies on the menu. Brooklynne was already having a headache just by listening to her talk.

“They’ll have the peanut butter pie and the Spunky Hollow honey pineapple pie. Please, Harley,” an old black man said from where he was sitting at the counter.

“Gotcha, Buster,” she said before she went to the kitchen.

“We will?” Sam asked the old man.

“You won’t get nothing from her,” he explained. “She’s only been here two weeks. Comes from three generations of dumb as rocks,” he chuckled. “Hell, they named her after a motorcycle. If you wanna know anything about Cindy Marshall, I’ll talk to you. And I’ll eat that pie too,” he winked at them. “Buster Boisseau,” he introduced himself as they sat beside him.

“Sookie and Brooklynne Stackhouse, Sam Merlotte,” she introduced them. “You knew Cindy?”

“Mmh,” he nodded. “A little bit. Let’s see. I met her two years ago. She moved into town with her brother, a couple of months before…” he paused.

“Before what?” Sam asked.

“Well, I hate to be the one to tell you, but somebody murdered that little gal. Just choked the life right out of her.”

“Poor thing,” Sookie said. “Did they find out who did it?”

“Nope. It’s a mystery.”

“Where’s her brother? Could we talk to him?”

“Don’t know how. He was gone by the time they found her body. The police thought maybe he’s dead too, or maybe he killed her. But there wasn’t no evidence one way or the other.”

“What was his name?” Sam asked.

“Let me think on that… Nobody hardly knew him. Let’s see. D something. Dave? Drew? No, Drew. Drew Marshall.”

“What was Cindy like?” Sookie asked.

“Oh, cute as a button, a little wild, fun-loving, always nice to me,” he said with a smile as he remembered her fondly, “but people talked, you know.”

“Talked about what?”

“Vampers. They say she was carrying on with the vampers. I didn’t believe her. I mean, what kind of a woman would do such a thing?”

Sam immediately put a hand on Sookie’s shoulder as if she’d hurt the old man, and from what Brooke could hear, her sister was trying very hard to stay polite. “Well, thank you for your time,” he said.

“Hey, Harley, this isn’t what I ordered,” the man called the waitress as he got up to bring his pie back.

“Well, at least we have a name,” Sookie said. “What now?”

“We go to the police station. Ask them a picture of Drew Marshall.”

“They won’t give it to use.”

“I wouldn’t worry,” Brooke said. “They’ll give it to us.”

***

There was no one at the reception inside the small station. And from what Brooke could tell, there was no one, period. Beside one officer who was too busy planning on cheating on his wife than to do his actual job.

“Can’t call it adultery if a wife won’t have sex. At least Debbie’s a Christian.”

“Hello?” Sam called for the second time.

“Yeah?” the officer finally replied, making his way to them.

“Hello, officer,” Sookie smiled at him. “Sir, I’m sorry to bother you,” she said as she put her hair up in a ponytail.

“Are those vampire bites?” he asked as he saw the marks on her arm.

“Uh,” Sam said. “With all due respect, sir, that’s none of your business.”

“Sir, we’re looking for information…”

“Well, that’s what the library’s for,” he cut her off.

“Wait a minute. She hasn’t even asked you nothing yet! It’s about Cindy Marshall’s murder.”

“What about it?”

“Well, there have been murders like hers in Renard Parish. Bon Temps, to be exact. Hadn’t you heard?”

“Can’t say.”

“She had a brother. Drew, I was told.”

“Could be,” the officer shrugged.

“Do you have a picture of him?”

“What for? We don’t know he did it. More likely a vampire.”

“I don’t mean to tell you your business, but a vampire wouldn’t kill by strangulation.”

“Well, I guess you’d know. Good riddance to white trash is all I got to say.”

“Buddy, you’re out of line,” Sam started to lose his patience.

“He can say whatever he wants. It doesn’t bother me a bit.”

“Alright, okay,” Brooklynne sighed, tired of listening to his nasty thoughts about her sister. She stepped between Sookie and Sam and leaned over the counter. “Hi,” she smiled at the officer. “You really like vampires, and you’re a huge supporter of theirs. In fact, you want them to have the exact same rights as you do. And now, you really want to help us.”

“Brooke, what are you doing?” Sam asked.

Sookie shushed him.

“Of course,” the officer smiled back at them. “Of course, how can I help you?”

“We need a picture of Drew Marshall. It would really help us,” Sookie answered.

“Oh, I’m afraid that file is in storage. It’s gonna take a while to get it. And, there are protocols. I can’t just give it to you. What I might do is fax it on down to the sheriff in Bon Temps.”

“Great,” Sookie smiled. “That’s all we ask. Thank you so much for your cooperation.”

Brooklynne turned toward the shapeshifter, knowing he was wondering how she did that, wondering if she had ever done that to him.

“See? I told you he’d give it to us.”

***

The night had fallen while they were on their way back to Bon Temps. Brooklynne was exhausted, she wasn’t used to being outside. She was half asleep in the back seats of Sam’s truck when he parked in the driveway. Sookie wanted to wake her up but Sam stopped her. He scooped her up into his arms and brought her to her bedroom where he laid her down on her bed.

She woke up an hour later, however, when Bill burst into the house. She heard in her sister and Sam’s minds that the two men got into a fight over Sookie after the vampire caught the shapeshifter kissing his girlfriend.

“Get out!” she heard her sister shout. “I rescind your invitation.”

Bill begged her to reconsider but she slammed the door in his face. She then argued with Sam, whom, for some reason Brooke knew but would never understand, chose to stay, and sleep on their couch, to protect the girl he knew deep down would never love him back.

**********

Tags: @thepoet1975 @nerdysandwichqueen @catchmeupimgettingoutofhere @raegan-hale @colie87

[f4liveblogarchives]

Fantastic Four Vol 1 #205

Sat Sep 7 2019 [02:15 PM] Wack'd: Previously on Fantastic Four: Reed, Sue and Ben went into space with an alien lady named Adora to save her world from Skrulls. Meanwhile Johnny checked out a college for the rich and famous, where he is unknowingly targeted by an assassin who shoots lasers out of his camera and has atrocious facial hair [02:16 PM] Bocaj: Did they meet catra [02:16 PM] Wack'd: No [02:16 PM] Wack'd: It'd be better if they did [02:16 PM] Bocaj: They did meet Tigra though [02:16 PM] Bocaj: It’s a similar concept without all of the same trauma [02:17 PM] maxwellelvis: And to also recap, this is like the first time the Four have gone up against the Skrulls since the Lee/Kirby run, and their old enemies have gone up in the galactic food chain since then. [02:17 PM] maxwellelvis: They also no longer look like goblins. [02:17 PM] Wack'd: They're just in time for the end of the world!

[02:17 PM] Bocaj: If they don’t look like goblins the. What’s the point? [02:17 PM] Wack'd: Agreed [02:17 PM] maxwellelvis: See what I mean? [02:18 PM] maxwellelvis: This is the Skrulls at their peak. [02:18 PM] Wack'd: Skrulls are a superstitious and cowardly lot

[02:19 PM] maxwellelvis: This must be before the Skrull Emperor and/or Empress [02:19 PM] Bocaj: A lot of things have a Supreme in marvel [02:19 PM] Umbramatic: SUPREME [02:19 PM] Bocaj: The Kree, the skrulls, the sorcerers, the AIM [02:19 PM] Wack'd: The SuprAIM [02:19 PM] Bocaj: Nice [02:20 PM] maxwellelvis: No wait, that cannot be. [02:20 PM] Wack'd: Anyway the Skrulls are using hit and run tactics. Show up, fuck shit up, retreat from weapons range before the enemy has a chance to retaliate, launch another attack, repeat [02:20 PM] Wack'd: The upshot is that this buys Reed, Sue, and Ben a little bit of time before things get too bad [02:20 PM] Bocaj: I mean, good tactics if you can get it [02:21 PM] Wack'd: Yeah this is actually a clever way to establish stakes while still giving the team a chance to get their bearings [02:22 PM] Wack'd: SCANMAN! WITH THE POWER TO...SCAN!

[02:23 PM] Wack'd: I give Keith Pollard a 6/10 for wacky hat effort

[02:23 PM] maxwellelvis: In that big spread, I just noticed, you can see that the artist took pains to show that Adora's people aren't getting entirely curbstomped; you can see that they've managed to down about three Skrull ships, if you can figure out the color coding on the lasers. It's just, that's three ships out of... a lot more than that. So it shows that they're fighting courageously, but are still outgunned, outmanned, and almost out of time. [02:23 PM] maxwellelvis: S'a Kirby original, Dorrek's hat. [02:23 PM] Wack'd: Pollard's kinda toned it down but I guess it's the same general idea as this 60s one [02:24 PM] Bocaj: Skrulls have dogs [02:24 PM] maxwellelvis: I can't find a picture of him from then, but have this screenshot of Dorrek from the 1967 cartoon [02:24 PM] Bocaj: I want to believe in green shapeshifting doggos [02:24 PM] Bocaj: That’s not green [02:25 PM] maxwellelvis: Nobody was the right colors in that cartoon. [02:25 PM] maxwellelvis: It's got coloring errors worse than Star Trek: The Animated Series up the wazoo, and I'm pretty sure this show doesn't have the excuse of a colorblind guy doing the colors. [02:26 PM] maxwellelvis: Also love that Dorrek says it's not fair that the Fantastic Four are here when the way he's been waging war here hasn't given the illusion of any sort of fair fight. [02:26 PM] Bocaj: Love those giant ears [02:27 PM] Umbramatic: ye [02:28 PM] Bocaj: Apparently one of the skrulls reed turned into a cow (which was later turned into hamburger and eaten) was a relative of Dorrek’s [02:28 PM] Bocaj: To put it lightly he hates the fantastic four with all his hate [02:28 PM] Wack'd: So the Watcher creates the illusion of an incoming Earth starship, freaking the Skrulls out and causing Dorrek to point all his troops at it. And then the Watcher mopes a little about breaking his oath again [02:28 PM] Bocaj: All he does is break his oath [02:29 PM] maxwellelvis: I'll reiterate, Uatu is like the Doctor but lacking the backbone to actually chew his people out for their total non-interference policy. [02:29 PM] Wack'd: Meanwhile back on Earth...Johnny's already moving into a dorm! Things move fast at Security College [02:29 PM] Bocaj: Like the doctor I think he got put on trial once [02:30 PM] Wack'd: well that's not creepy

[02:30 PM] Bocaj: Wow that’s very illegal [02:30 PM] Wack'd: So it turns out this was all a Batman Gambit [02:30 PM] maxwellelvis: Wait, that’s illegal [02:30 PM] Bocaj: I can’t believe Johnny rebellious youth supports the police state [02:31 PM] Umbramatic: oh no [02:31 PM] Wack'd: That random lady who insulted Johnny for being intellectually uncurious and immature a few issues ago was hypnotized into doing so by The Monocle because by weakening his ego and making him doubt himself he'd be easier to convince to go to this school [02:31 PM] Bocaj: .... [02:32 PM] Umbramatic: oh [02:32 PM] Bocaj: Villains sure have incredibly specific plans sometimes [02:32 PM] Wack'd: He didn't have hypnosis last time we saw him but "murders people with camera lasers" is kind of a weak gimmick so I don't mind [02:32 PM] Wack'd: Also: Lanie had a point! Johnny should be more interested in the fact that he got go literally go to space numerous times [02:33 PM] Bocaj: Hypnotism is one of those powers villains tend to get for free [02:33 PM] Bocaj: I think super Skrull has it [02:33 PM] Wack'd: Oh hey another shadowy mastermind. Not sitting in a chair facing away from the camera though

[02:34 PM] Wack'd: What's the point of video calling if you're not going to show your face? Just call him on the fucking phone [02:34 PM] maxwellelvis: This doesn't surprise me. The Monocle just doesn't have the presence to command an entire story by himself. [02:34 PM] maxwellelvis: @Wack'd Ask the Sovereign [02:34 PM] Wack'd: Eh he was a hired goon in his original story too [02:34 PM] Wack'd: He's an assassin for hire [02:35 PM] Wack'd: So Johnny goes to bed. And then he and every other student on campus hear a compelling voice that leads them to the administration building. HYPNOSIS [02:36 PM] Wack'd: Also the compelling voice is calling Johnny "John" and. Nope. Wrong. never gonna get over that [02:36 PM] Wack'd: MEANWHILE BACK IN SPACE [02:37 PM] Wack'd: Oh hey this weird bubble city of survivors are from Xandar! [02:37 PM] Wack'd: Their planet it looks a lot less destroyed in the Marvel Cinematic Universe [02:37 PM] Bocaj: Yeah I don't think Xandar gets destroyed until 200something with the Annihilation story [02:38 PM] Wack'd: ...but it's [02:38 PM] Wack'd: it's already destroyed [02:38 PM] maxwellelvis: COMPLETELY destroyed [02:38 PM] Wack'd: this bubble city is all that's left [02:38 PM] Bocaj: I just realized that Xandar might be a riff on Kandar [02:39 PM] Wack'd: Aliens love brain uploading

[02:40 PM] Bocaj: What a perspective [02:40 PM] Wack'd: hahahaha ben points out they stole this shot from *forbidden planet* [02:40 PM] maxwellelvis: That's a heck of a way to preserve your culture, but I sure hope the brains are happy in there. [02:40 PM] maxwellelvis: Metahumor, or Marv Wolfman ribbing the artist? You decide. [02:41 PM] Wack'd: Anyway the Skrulls want this computer, or more specifically the fucking metric ton of power it takes to operate it, to give themselves an upper hand against the Kree [02:41 PM] maxwellelvis: Or, with the changeover in how comics are made, would that be more like directing the artist? [02:41 PM] maxwellelvis: And there we are. [02:41 PM] Wack'd: Probably conscious homage [02:41 PM] maxwellelvis: Gotcha [02:43 PM] Wack'd: Anyway the Skrulls come back! Fight scene! [02:44 PM] maxwellelvis: Anyways, I should have figured that this was motivated by either expansion or asset acquisition. [02:44 PM] Wack'd: Kinda weird that the Skrulls have ground troops (or, uh, anti-grav troops) rather than just using spaceships for everything [02:44 PM] Wack'd: But it gets us a fight scene, so [02:45 PM] maxwellelvis: It's a fool who commits all his resources to one branch of his military. Don't know if that's an actual saying about war and warfare, but I feel it's true, at least from my limited strategy gaming experience. [02:46 PM] Wack'd: I mean this is a little like if Germany sent troops into Britain during the Blitz. Really you're just risking blowing up your own dudes

[02:46 PM] Umbramatic: SPLAM [02:46 PM] Bocaj: Spinel [02:47 PM] Wack'd: Yes [02:47 PM] Wack'd: So! Reed, Sue, and Ben are knocked out and taken to the Skrull ship [02:47 PM] Wack'd: And so we cliffhanger into...*sigh* [02:47 PM] Wack'd: Nova #25 [02:47 PM] Wack'd: Dammit