#and you have to tell me that’s what you want because I need enthusiastic consent~ 😈

[toadallytickles]

Aw man, that makes me SO happy that you enjoyed my ask RE: your *ultra* hot voice! 😊

I think it was Clay’s birthday video that really stuck with me, the verbal teasing in that is SO much fun (“Are you 1, are you 2, are you 3…”) As an *intensely* ticklish subby boy myself, I’ve been fantasizing for SO long about melting into a puddle and being reduced to a begging, giggling mess courtesy of your teasy bullying 🙈🙈🙈

Of course! When I first received the ask, I shared it with Clay as it made me so happy! My voice is ultra hot-?! (〃つヮ⊂ 〃) ❤️

That’s probably my favourite session video of ours~. Originally that video wasn’t recorded to be shared, so I like that it’s genuinely, authentically us. Y e a h that’s like the best verbal teasing I’ve ever done probably LMAO no idea where it came from! Usually I’m an awkward Ler! Thank you for enjoying that video too! :)

Ooh~? ahh o kay that paragraph just made me so primal omg 🥴 That’s so funny, that’s my favourite way to consume tickle boys.. after all that careful, skillful preparation picking out the most delectable spots.. taking out the best cutlery.. letting them simmer in their helplessness.. eventually they melt into a subby, blabbering delicacy. I’m feral.

[fanaticsnail]

Sanji in his little "Kiss the Cook" apron.

Is it romantic? Starting as a joke with kisses on the cheek and temple until the two of you end up full on making out?

Or is it platonic? With the straw hats giving him little kisses in passing, starting with Luffy and spreading through the crew until even Zoro relents? Because what's better than kissing the homies goodnight?

You tell me snail, what's the move?

-♡♡ lots of love

"porque no los dos?"

Kiss the Cook

Masterlist here

Word Count: 1,700+

Synopsis: Sanji was gifted an apron from Nami after returning back from town. Every member of the crew aside from Zoro and you have followed the embroidered instructions written on his chest, and he wasn't happy about the lack of kisses from you. You finally relent and give him what he wants.

Themes: platonic kisses, fluff, implied f!reader - but can be read as gn!reader, sanji has feelings for you, you have unspoken feelings for sanji, idiots in love, Sanji has lost that 'line-cook rizz'.

Notes: This has been in my ask box for less than a day. I don't know what it is about you, anon. As soon as I see those two little hearts I'm just overtaken by something. I blame the "kisses". @chikariart on twitter.

Tag list: @mfreedomstuff @daydreamer-in-training @sordidmusings @since-im-already-here @indydonuts @feral-artistry @gingernut1314 @i-am-vita @writingmysanity

“Could these onions misbehave any more?” the chef grumbled under his breath, gritting his teeth and clamping hard down on his cigarette, “C’mon, now. What have I gotta do to get your layers off? Talk dirty to you?” He used the steel edge of his knife to attempt to pry the brown outer layer away from its fleshy underside with shaking hands. 

Sanji’s nerves were ignited, his whole composure on edge and waiting for the next intrusion in his kitchen and potential distraction from his work. 

When Nami brought the frilly pink apron his way, he was initially ecstatic at the notion he was thought of enough to be given a little gift. But as the red embroidery with white stitched hearts expressed consent for his body to be given sweet kisses at all times, he was truly alert. With an assault of affection from all who approached him each time he adorned the fabric in its wake, he was finding it difficult to focus on each mundane kitchen task. 

In this case, peeling onions was the bane of his existence. As the flickered peel almost withdrew from the circular bulb, it split and only chipped off a small amount of the outer layer. 

Sanji loved kisses, adored kisses: all the cheek, forehead and shoulder kisses he'd received from the crew. Cheeky Nami kisses, soft Robin kisses, and nibbled toothy kisses from Chopper were his favorites. 

He was less enthusiastic about hulking, wet kisses from Franky, nor the hungry cheek kisses from Luffy which was used to depict the state of his appetite. Usopp was the middle ground, his kisses were a tease on his shoulder with a rough clap and a gaggle of laughter immediately thereafter.

Brook’s kisses were actually quite funny to the blonde cook. As the skeleton man had no lips to kiss with, he resigned himself to the notion of simply walking past him, and taunting him with a melodic hum of the words: “kiss,” “kisses,” or an emphatic “mwah,” as he did so.

Of the members of the remaining crew, he was happy that the stinky moss-head kept his lips to himself. There was no way he would allow him the closer proximity to his body without starting a sparring match. He was, however, not so happy that you were yet to place your lips sweetly on the apple of his cheek. 

Sanji adored you, wanted to treat you with the utmost respect and dote on you alongside the other members of the crew. You were special to him, and he rationalized that his small crush was why he was craving a scrap of your attention so much. As he continued cursing at the onions, he heard a soft tap on the doorway to the kitchen. 

“Need help, cook?” Sanji looked up, noticing you leaning on the side of the door. He smiled softly at you, biting back his smile and gulping his insecurity. 

“Oh, beautiful angel,” he managed to turn away from the counter and look out the window as he resumed his battle with the onions, “I'm all good here, don't you worry yourself. Go relax with the others.” You clicked your tongue and stepped closer to the bench and stood a few feet away from the blonde cook. 

Noticing his posture, you knit your brows in puzzlement. He was twitching while he was going about his peeling, finally managing to coax the shell away from the exterior and sigh in relief. His cheeks were tinted a soft shade of pastel pink, his nose the most darkened by the blushy hue. 

Looking down, the frilly pink apron with ‘Kiss the Cook,’ held the final piece of information as to his nervous composure. You smiled softly at him, looking to where his hands skillfully minced the onions and threw them into a scorching pot with molten butter and aromatic herbs. 

He rinsed his hands in the sink, lathering them with soapy froth and soaking the suds with glassy water. The scent from the pot of sweetened onions with rosemary, sage and thyme had your mouth salivating in anticipation of what was to come. 

“What's cooking, good looking?” you smiled at him softly, gesturing with your chin to the pot on the stove. He froze up, his ears tinting darker with the shade of pink. 

“J-Just a mirepoix,” he stuttered out, prompting you to shake your head and offer him a soft laugh in response. Taking the extinguished cigarette out of his lips, he placed the butt in the bin beneath the sink. 

Noticing the tension in his body, you reach up and place a hand on his shoulder to urge him to turn to face you. He meets his gray orbs with yours, a sheepish look on his face as you gaze up into his eyes. 

“You've been off the line for too long, Sanji,” you scrunch your nose up playfully at him, “Lost that flirtatious kitchen charisma and banter, blushing like a bride at the most simple of compliments. What's going on with you?” You graze your fingers along his jaw, leaving a rising layer of goose flesh in its wake. 

“I-It’s-...” Sanji gulped his nerves back, hanging his head with a soft laugh and subtle shake in response, “...It's this stupid apron.” You look down at the apron with a smirk. 

“What about the ‘stupid apron’, Sanji?” you ask with a raised brow before gazing back into his eyes, “Not your color?” He continued smiling and shaking his head at you before looking up through his eyelashes into your questioning and puzzled eyes. 

“To be honest with you,” he sucked his bottom lip between his teeth to halt his words from sounding too eager, “I actually love it. Even though it started as a joke, it has actually made a big difference the way I’ve been feeling lately.” He shrugged, turning his eyes back to the ground and snickering, “Stupid, right?” 

Cupping his face, you elevate his head and hum at him in deep contemplation. 

“Not stupid,” you shrug at him, darting your eyes between his and flickering your gaze down to his lips, “Not stupid at all.” His breath hitched in his throat, eyes beginning to fill with hope as you drew your face ever closer to his. 

Closing his eyes, he parted his lips and anticipated feeling yours brush with them. His heart beat in his throat, his ears hearing that drum of hope ringing with his elevated pulse. As he drew his face closer still, the balloon of anticipation was instantly deflated as he felt your lips brush with the apple of his cheek and linger for less than a single second. 

As you withdrew from his cheek, Sanji was left feeling like a complete idiot. He stared vacantly, directly ahead with unblinking eyes and his ego completely deflated. His heart fizzled out like a flame being snuffed by a wet blanket. 

Looking at his vacant expression and the soft blush on his cheeks, you couldn’t help yourself. A single, timid kiss was not enough of an indulgence to grant to the blonde cook, in your opinion. You leaned forward once more, pressing a soft kiss on his angular jaw before pressing another on his neck above his pulse and beneath his ear lobe. 

Sanji’s breath hitched, his hands opening and closing in clenched fists and shaking extensions. Gasping, he leant his head to the side and whimpered at the soft touches you were pressing into his skin. His pulse quickened, his breath hitched, and his eyes clenched tightly shut as he argued with himself where to place his hands on you. 

Trailing your lips down to his collarbone, you pressed a sweet and gentle kiss against the bone before clamping your teeth down onto the flesh. Sanji mewled in pleasure at the attention, throwing his head back and drawing up his forearm to his face to catch the damp blood from exiting his nose. His head was dizzy, his lips parting and whining as he felt your tongue swirl around the soft bite to his collar. 

Pulling away from him, you sucked your lips into your mouth and bit-back your smile at his reaction. He slowly drew his eyes down to meet yours, the irises eclipsed by blown pupils and his desire. Giggling at him, you tilted your head to the side and clasped your hands behind your back and rocked on your feet. 

Sanji surged his body forward, claiming your cheeks beneath his hands and carding his fingers through your hair the moment his lips descended onto yours. You squeaked in response, immediately placing your hands on Sanji’s hips as he pinned you against the sink with his hips. His kisses were needy, desperate and full of desire. 

As he rotated his chin to deepen the oscillation, you reached up to his shoulder and tapped it twice while gasping in his mouth. He tugged himself away, looking down at you in shock with wide eyes and panting breath.

“I-I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” he began to hastily relay his apologies, “I didn’t mean to do that, truly. The other kisses I get from the crew are usually a little more hasty and less indulgent. I didn’t want to make you uncomfortable or anything, honest-.”

“-Sanji,” you laugh at him, looking up through half-hooded lashes and brushing your nose with his, “Your mirepoix is going to burn.” 

Immediately, Sanji broke himself away from you and stomped over to the large pot. He grumbled as he stirred the aromatics with a wooden spoon, growling under his breath, “This stupid apron has been nothing but a complete distraction.” You giggled at him as he aggressively began stirring at the pot to salvage the caramelizing vegetables. 

“That’s it,” he tore the apron away from his chest and cast it to the side, “No more kisses in the kitchen. I refuse to have good food spoil because I’ve been getting distracted by soft kisses… sweet kisses…” he trailed off, fishing around in his pocket for a cigarette after he rotated the vegetables within the butter. 

Shaking your head, you go and retrieve the apron from where he cast it aside and hung it over the kitchen table. Eyeing him over mischievously, you walk over to him and hold his hips firmly from behind and place one more soft kiss between his shoulder blades. 

“Come find me when you want to put on that stupid apron again, hm?” you utter, releasing his hips and making your way over to the kitchen doorway and out of the room with haste. 

Sanji shook his head with a warm smile and a dark blush. Looking to where you had just left, he sighed deeply and began to focus solely on the meal preparation with no more cause for distraction.

[lanabuckybarnes]

| Take The Reins | 18+ MINORS DNI

You’ve lived your life being that bitch, completely independent from everyone else. After finding love with Bucky you fell into that leading role, helping the man recover from his years worth of torture and brainwashing. It’s starting to take its toll and Bucky notices.

✧ Author Note ✧ So this was very indulgent and a complete filth fest lmao. It’s been a long time coming but I hope you enjoy this hehe~

✧ Pairing ✧ Dom!Bucky x Sub!Reader

✧ Warnings ✧ Sub!Bucky Dom!Reader to start, Mommy Kink, Withdrawn Consent, Feelings (ew), Daddy Kink, Sweetheart Bucky, Dom!Bucky, Sub!Reader, Established Safeword, Teasing, Dirty Talk, so much dirty talk, praising, Nipple play, Pussy eating, Dumbification, Face sitting (M), Ball Sucking, PinV (unprotected), Mentions of Breeding, Dacryphilia, a teeny amount of aftercare, did I mention this is extremely dirty.

✧ Word Count ✧ 4.2k

Bucky's lips had not pulled themselves from their pout all day, his eyes flickering over the words of his book but not quite taking them in, his mind far too preoccupied on something, someone, else.

It had been like this since yesterday; after coming home from a long mission he wanted nothing more than to pull his pants and briefs off his tired legs and slip into the sheets beside you, you’d treat him right, and you had, your hand and mouth working on his thick neglected length; pushing him past the point of return before bringing him back beside you with sweet praises on your lashing tongue as it greedily sucked up the thick slicked mess he left over his abs.

“Mmm, you’re such a sweet little boy ain’t you?” Your tongue ran up the split in his core, drawing a drool-tinged line up to his sternum before sucking sweet marks back down all the while your hand pumped his aching length between your slender fingers.

Bucky’s headspace slipped for a second at your words, or rather the tonality laced through them; it was lacking its usual sultry touch, instead replaced by something akin to tiredness, it was enough to have Bucky slip back from under you until his wide back connected with the wooden headboard.

“Angel?” His calloused hand slipped under your chin, concerned-looking blue eyes meeting your confused ones, but the exhaustion you thought you hid so expertly was easily noticed by Bucky. His heart clenched and panic settled deep in his gut.

All he’d done was take, fumbling over each orgasm you gave him, he hadn’t even stopped to think of what you needed.

“Let me please you Mommy, wanna make you feel good” if all he did was take before he was prepared to give his girl, his dom all the pleasure she wanted. But you pulled his hands from the side of your sweatpants with a weak smile, leaning forward to kiss away the worried wobble of his lips.

“Mmm mm it’s ok baby boy, I’m just a little tired—just wanna cuddle with you” you soothed, running small thumbs over the back of his veiny hands, turning yourself until you lay in your back and pulling him down until his scruffy beard scraped deliciously over the swell of your breasts.

Bucky laid awake long after you, he’d never seen you less enthusiastic about sex, you were always rearing to go and make him whimper and whine below you, but he willed himself to forget about it for just the time being and get himself some sleep.

Little did Bucky know just how deep the exhaustion ran for you.

You loved Bucky, loved pleasing him, taking control but after over a year of denying that primal urge to have someone take the reins, do all the things you did to Bucky, take control so all you had to worry about was being a good little girl — you were wearing thin.

But telling Bucky this in your eyes would pull his carefully stitched string around his heart and soul too taut and the last thing you wanted was for them to snap because you were too much of a baby to suck up something so silly.

Bucky sucked on his teeth before shutting the book over and making a B-line to where he knew you often cooped yourself up.

-

The gym was empty, the only evidence that someone was there being the heavy smack of first against leather, You panted out a growl as you threw another shot, weaker than the last one which was also weaker than the one before, you were beyond tired but that tangled mess of thoughts in your brain meant that you hadn’t worked out enough stress.

Your thoughts were so loud in your ears that you neglected to notice Bucky’s wide frame as he drew closer until he was almost on top of you.

“Have you stopped at all?” He cringed instantly at the calloused nature of his words, he wanted to sound more concerned yet came across as angry, Bucky Barnes shining through rather than the baby boy you were so used to.

“Gotta keep-“ your words were verbal mush as you pranced around the bag, footing clumsy as sweat dribbled down your forehead and into your eyes. Bucky had enough.

“Ok Stop!!” He growled, metal arm tightening around the thick links holding up the bag, stopping it swinging almost effortlessly. You turned to him, head tilted back as you glared at his dark features.

“Let go of it” You demanded, gaze unwavering against his; usually the shades swimming around your irises would have him on his knees before you, apologising breathlessly but not today, not when you were going to kill yourself if you kept up.

“What is this about?” He asked, clipping his words to give you the idea that he was irritated and worried rather than panicked and guilty. You stood your ground for a moment longer before your shoulders sagged and you dropped like a sack onto the floor, shaky fingers clutching your bottle as you greedily sucked down your water.

You knew it would get worse if you kept it hidden from him and a part of you felt more guilty now that you had used the guise of ‘protecting’ him to cover the way you truly felt, so you heaved a breath and spoke.

“I-just…I’m tired Bucky, it’s been a long time coming but last night when you came home, god you looked so fucking hot, all I could think about was me below you while you took the reins.” You picked at the broken skin around your nails as you spoke, your eyes darting anywhere but him as you felt him squat down to your level.

“All my life I’ve done my own thing, been independent and taken control…I guess it’s just weighing on me now. I suppose what I’m trying to say is that- I need to let go, take my foot off the gas and let someone take control, I didn’t wanna tell you because I know how hard it’s been for you and control was a big thi-“ his plump lips securing yours in a passionate lip lock had your words fading into nothingness, Bucky’s scent being the only thing your brain could truly focus on— he often had that effect on you.

“You want me to take the lead baby?” god his voice was so deep, dark locks framing his deep-coloured eyes as they studied you amorously, taking in each subtle detail of your face as the frown you held melted into something weaker - vulnerability.

You nodded softly, doe-like eyes falling from his steely gaze as trickles of submission pumped through your spine to the tips of your digits, this is what it must’ve felt like for Bucky. His big hands cupped both sides of your face and pulled it with a tug to face his dead-on.

“Words angel…otherwise, I don’t know what you want” The look he fixed you with was almost mocking as he spoke like you were a child, barely able to understand a word he said.

“I want you to take control Buck, make me feel good” you whined, internally just a little concerned at how easily you slipped into the role but Bucky had a way of making sure you were safe to lose yourself when he was around.

“Ok baby” he whispered against your forehead, lips pressing delicately against the sweaty skin before he pulled you up and into his arms.

“Daddy’ll help you clean up then he’ll make you feel good, promise” he bit back a smile when you hummed and sunk into his beefy frame.

-

Bucky took his time cleaning you up, tentatively scrubbing your body wash into your skin, his thumbs digging into the knots of your body until you were limber.

Your feet had barely touched the ground since he’d pulled you from the gym, there was no need, bucky thought, he was big enough to move you.

“There we are” he smiled airily as he set your towel-wrapped frame onto the plush bed.

“Now some ground rules baby; we’ll use the traffic light system ok? If you don’t like anything you tell me and I’ll stop right away, I’ll be mad if you don’t. You’ll answer when I ask you questions with your words only unless you can’t, and you’ll be a good girl and have fun” His smile widened when you gave him a small nod followed by a soft ‘yes’.

Bucky’s wide hands ran up your thighs, fingertips venturing just under the towel before he scraped his nails back down, drawing a teased whine from you.

“Mm gonna make you feel so good angel…wish you would’ve told me sooner this is what you wanted” he whispered huskily, pushing you until your back met the mattress before his fingers gripped your wrists and sat them one over the other above your head.

“Keep em there”

He leaned down, tongue wetting his lips before it slipped into your ajar mouth, pushing against your own, suckling slightly on it when he pulled back and your tongue chased him out of your mouth. He took his sweet time unwrapping the front of the towel, your whimpers of impatience music to his ears.

“Mm, what’s wrong baby? You whining because I’m taking my sweet time? Now that’s not being very good is it…you lie there and keep that pretty mouth quiet unless it’s moans of pleasure alright? Wouldn’t wanna punish you so early” his face split in a shit-eating grin as he whipped the towel from your front, exposing your delicate front to him, your nipples pebbling at the gentle breeze falling from his nose and fanning down the swell of your tits, snaking down the valley like a hot river.

“Fuckkk these tits, always so fucking hot—loved when they would bounce up and down in my face while you rode me Mommy” Your body jerked violently under his at the name; the usual breath tone that accompanied it was long gone, replaced with a deep growly timbre that made the insides of your thighs slick with your juices.

“You smell fucking good angel, you soaking yourself thinking bout me? Don’t even try shaking that head” he mumbled around a mouthful of breast, teeth and tongue grazing over it, sucking it into his mouth before sinking his pearly whites gently causing you to shriek and the mismatched feelings. While his tongue lashed over one of your hardened buds his metal thumb circled the other gently like it was your puffy little clit.

“Please!!!—“ you begged, eyes rolling into the back of your skull as your legs hitched up onto the bed; his abs ran against your little clit’s hood sending shockwaves over you, and your back arched as your hips ground into the muscle more.

Bucky tut, pulling away from you completely, an incredulous laugh falling from his mouth as he gazed down at his shiny abdomen. You’d fucking soaked him, your desperate grinding slickening his corded muscle. You shut your legs in embarrassment as his fingers ran over the essence and slipped into his mouth.

“Mmm shit angel tastes so good, open those fucking legs” he groaned, knees thumping painfully against the ground but all he was focused on was the sopping meal in front of him.

“Look at you…always knew you were a desperate slut, put your hands in daddy’s hair while he eats you out’ love it when you pull on it” his wide tongue covered the expanse of your slit and folds as he hungrily lapped up the juices, letting out a satisfied hum when a graze of his teeth on your aching pearl and more juices slipping unabashedly from your tight hole.

Bucky sucked on your folds like a man starved; mouth open wide as his thick tongue devoured you, circling your clit before dipping down and slipping his tongue as far as it would go into your weeping hole. He hummed delightfully as you pulled on his locks, his head shaking from side to side, your juices flicking all over the place—you just knew there would’ve been a wet patch all over the bed if it weren’t for your towel but as Bucky continued you weren't sure the towel would stop it.

Bucky was lost in the taste of your pussy, cerulean eyes glazed over, a concentrating stare directed up your body, watching as it jerked and shuddered at his relentless torment.

“You enjoying this sweetheart? You love it when you can go all dumb don’t you…just wait till daddy has you on his dick, I’ll fuck you right baby you don’t have to worry about that” his growls vibrated against your lips and straight to the tight knot coiling in your belly.

You cried out as his nose rubbed against your sweet little pearl, his tongue curling up inside you, his metal hand pressing onto your pubic bone keeping you firmly planted to the bed. His efforts doubled at your garbled pleas and tears.

“Aww gonna come angel? Gonna soak Daddy’s face yeah? Mmm come on sweet girl come all over my fucking face” he moaned through a mouthful of your pussy, eyes shutting as you jerked and shook, your thighs clamping down onto the side of his head.

“Good fucking girl that’s it yeah your feeding daddy so well mama’ giving me your sweet little juices” The words oozed from Bucky’s wet mouth filthily while his thumb rubbed gently over your sensitive clit, his hand only stopping when you whined weakly and pushed on his rippling forearm.

Bucky rose, his fingers shaking as he struggled with the button on his jeans; his cock bulged dramatically against the front, his thighs filling out the denim in a way that should’ve been illegal.

“Fucking shit” he grumbled before a light popped aired around the room, his button pinging to the other side of the room as he impatiently tore down the denim along with his grey briefs before he ripped the henly over his head. If you thought he looked good clothed your mouth ran dry at the sight of his naked form, his tanned skin layered over stacks of muscles, stretching and compressing with each movement he made as he straddled your much smaller frame, his tree trunk-sized thighs caging you in.

“I wanna try something angel, you wanna taste Daddy?” He groaned, hair curling down his built shoulders as his head rolled back, he poked his tongue out to wet his lips, muffling his soft sounds as his hand jerked over his heavy length. He was kneeling over your breasts, the head of his cock positioned perfectly over your lips; when a bead of his precum slipped from his tip your mouth parted in anticipation, watching it trail down and almost fall but his fingers caught it first.

“Answer me babydoll” he reprimanded your silence.

“Wanna taste you Daddy please” god you were so pathetic but you were loving it; it was such a far cry from the role you played just yesterday that it almost gave you whiplash but Bucky was there, he’d make sure you were alright.

“Well, I wanna save my cock for that pretty pussy so how about I sit on that pretty face and you can suck on my balls, how’s that sound?” You gaped, whine falling unruly from your greedy mouth at even just the thought; a simple glance down the way would let you see just how heavy his sac was as it hung and suddenly you wanted nothing more than to massage them with your tongue.

You nodded frantically “Wanna lick your balls Daddy please lemme suck on them…sit on my face and give me them Daddy”

“Ok angel” he smiled, metal fingers cupping your chin and forcing you to look up at his hair-framed face “But you’ll tap my thigh if you wanna stop won’t you?” He asked, dominant edge replaced with soft tones; the last thing he wanted was to push you too far and you’d have no way to stop him.

“I will just hurry” you whimpered, hands grasping the plush cheeks of his ass and weakly pushing his body, attempting to manoeuvre him to your face. He chuckled before giving you what you want.

Bucky never thought that having his balls played with would ever feel as good as it did. In the 40s he’d had one relationship that led to the bedroom but the girl wouldn’t do anything like you would. His blue eyes blared down at you, your gazes meeting as your tongue worked over his sac expertly, lips closing around the soft skin and sucking on one before moving to another—bucky could hardly control himself when you giggled against him at the sight of his fucked out face, he could feel his control slipping into that sub headspace he was so used to but your glazed over orbs made sure he never got too far. He had his perfect girl to take care of and he was gonna damn well do his job.

“Fuck baby-ohh, ain’t ever felt something so good…you like daddy’s balls, don’t you? Mm fuck gonna come soon angel” his confession spurred you on, messily, you sucked both his balls in; a moan flowing from your mouth freely at the stretch of your jaw. Bucky fumbled, his legs slipping and his weight leaning more on your face before his titanium fingers fisted the sheets above your head, making sure he didn’t crush you.

He was losing his marbles, head buzzing so loud in his ears he couldn’t control the breathy moans falling from his lips, he had to move or he’d come.

“Stop baby” he lifted slightly; the whimper coming from you as you followed his movement almost made him go crazy, the urge to plank his entire weight on your mouth almost too much but he shook his head.

“Ah ah angel, wanna come in you— breed that fucking cunt” he rambled. snaking down till his lips were level with yours he kissed you sweetly, your taste still present on his lips and tongue as it messed around with your own.

“You're doing so good for me sweet baby, you wanna keep going? Want me to make you come on my cock huh, breed you fucking full…maybe you’ll let me in that little ass after, pump both your holes full of me—fuck” his hand darted down to squeeze his length, a long throaty groan escaping him and onto your face.

“Shit” he chuckled “just fucking thinking of my dick splitting you in two almost had me cumming mama, your insatiable” his lips fell onto yours again, tongue swiping violently against yours now.

He growled into your mouth as his raging head swiped over your sopping slit, catching on the underside of your pearl, he smacked himself there a few times before slipping back down.

“Colour baby” he whispered, flesh thumb and index finger pinching your chin and bringing you back to him.

“So green Daddy, so fucking green” you cried, eyes glazed over and brain almost mush. This is what you wanted; you were finally letting go and it felt amazing, Bucky was taking such good care of you, teetering on the edge of handling you like fine china and pushing you around like some common whore—a perfect balance.

With prep, Bucky was difficult to take inside but now it felt like a whole different ballgame. An almost sobbed whimper fell from his lips as his cock pushed in, his teeth biting his lower lip firmly, his metal hand carding through your hair until it rested against your scalp. He was so close; so ready to cum in you that it was almost painful to keep his core tight and his balls from spilling. After much effort he was fully inside, curled hair at the base of his cock tickling your labia, his balls resting against your perineum.

You sobbed against his shoulder, arms wrapped around his back, your nails leaving crescent shapes over the muscle while your legs wrapped themselves over his ass, keeping him still inside you.

“Colour angel come on, you don’t gotta keep going” his lips brushed your ear as worry littered his voice. He’d never seen you like this, so…cockdrunk; your eyes rolling to the back of your skull as tears slipped down your face and into your hair. You had so much control of yourself and your life, part of the reason he’d been so enamoured by you was because you’d had a life like his yet bounced back and reclaimed yourself. He knew it was hard for you, he’d comforted you during those times it got bad but he’d never witnessed you giving in so easily— giving yourself to him in the same way he’d give himself to you— it worried him but his heart swelled with pride and love most of all. You’d let him be the decision maker and he wanted to make sure he hadn’t taken too much.

“Green daddy… I'm sorry just-its a little overwhelming” you babbled, your fingers lifting a little and your head flopping back onto the bed to catch his eyes; they swam with nothing but love and awe.

“That’s ok baby, you want me to fuck you nice and slow? I’ll take care of you” his lips pecked your own, dog tags resting on your sternum.

“No Daddy, want you to use me…want you to breed me”.

Bucky was a man of service and he was going to service his sweet little girl in the way she wanted. He pulled out with a loud shlurp until only his head stayed inside before plunging in again. He thrust gently a few times until you loosened up a little, and then his thrust became more powerful, balls slapping into a mixture of your juices and his precum.

“Ohhh fuck—so tight for me sweetheart, you like it when I breed you huh? Bet that dumb little fucking brain is just thinking of nothing but my cock and cum filling you up…oh mama gonna make you so round, watch those tits swell up until they can’t fit in those fucking sexy bras mmmm” Whatever control Bucky had on himself was gone. He thrust quickly, the bed creaking under each slap of his hips into you. You couldn’t think, couldn’t breathe, everything was Bucky—and you couldn’t have been happier about it.

“Fuck daddy” you slurred, there was that familiar coiling in your stomach, every nerve in your body pleading to let go “Gonna cum Daddy” the words fell from you like a chant.

“That’s it, sweetness, come for your daddy…milk my fucking cock” and you did. Your pussy clenched tight, your mouth opened in a high-pitched cry, your arms and legs clinging tightly to Bucky as he sent you to the moon and back.

“FUCK—I’m gonna fucking come baby, oh shit mama gonna breed you so good, you want me to breed you? Tell me you fucking want it baby, tell me” he snarled, teeth securing themselves around your earlobe as his thrusts grew sloppy.

“Ahh wan it so bad…hah Bucky” was all you could muster as his cock plunged deep one last time. He moaned loudly, fucking his cock into your cervix as he came

“mmmm fucking hell baby” he laughed breathlessly as he lay on top of you; body tremoring as his orgasm subsided—then all of his attention was on you.

“You alright angel?” He hissed as he slipped out and scooped you up into his arms, ignoring the slight whine of protest and your aching muscles moved against their will. His lips smothered you in soft kisses, his fingers rubbing over all of your body and smoothing out your hair.

“Mmm,” you mumbled, sniffing back your tears. Bucky had been everything you wanted and more but with emotions running high you broke down.

“Fuck did I hurt you babydoll?” He worried, had you lied to him? You seemed to be enjoying it but were you just afraid that you’d dug yourself too deep; his thoughts returned from last night as well—maybe you just never wanted him at all.

Sensing his worried thoughts like you normally would, you had a knack for it, your thumb smoothed over the crease between his brows before you leaned forward and planted a soft kiss there

“I enjoyed it all Buck, too much if anything” You laughed at the last part and it coaxed Bucky to chuckle too.

“Come on; gotta get you cleaned up” He kissed you softly before beginning to move but you gripped the sheets tightly, stopping him.

“Mmm just wanna sleep right now buck” you argued. Any other night Bucky would have argued, that he loved showering you after sex, it grounded him. But the look on your face was one he couldn't resist so he sank back down against the pillows, his foot kicking the soaked towel to the floor.

“Alright but once we get up it’s straight to the shower” he mumbled against your hair, his metal fingers running down the column of your spine.

“Round two in there?” You cracked an eye open to watch him as you spoke.

“You’re gonna kill me woman” he groaned but his cock twitched softly against his thigh.

You’d get your round two, and round three…..and four.

✧ ✧

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[cinnamonest]

In desperate need of older reader content

:(((

//Big age gap with ambiguously aged teenage boys, cheating on NPC husband, dubcon (reader is kinda consenting for once lmao but the first time is questionable in how it begins)

I've had this modern AU idea rotting in my brain for AGES anon, I hesitated to make it but you’ve given me courage, bless you anon

Consider Xingqiu + Chongyun and the sweet older lady that lives in the neighborhood… a neglected housewife with a husband who’s always absent, always on “work trips” and being generally suspicious and never pays you any attention…

You have the typical boys-next-door of the neighborhood — well, they're not actually right next door, one lives a few houses down, the other in that fancy rich neighborhood adjacent to yours — but the two come around your house quite a lot. It's kind of sweet how you've gotten to watch them grow up, you remember when they were very little, running by your house with bikes or kites or whatever they were playing with, and watch them slowly get bigger and older, hear their distant voices chattering get deeper and lower over time.

Sometimes you wave, they wave back.

They come to recognize you. They pass by when you're doing yardwork. You exchange a hey, boys! with a mutually enthusiastic hi miss!, and occasionally, you tell them to be safe because it's supposed to rain soon or because it's getting dark, met with a don't worry, we will! reassurance of some kind.

They're so cute, so endearing. You go out of your way to say hi each time you see them.

Eventually, you finally have a direct, up-close interaction — it's a particularly hot day, you call out to them to ask if they want something cold to drink, and they gladly take you up on the offer.

They're so cute, you think. Teenagers now, bright-eyed and full of that youthful sort of excitement and bliss, not yet old enough to be worn down by the difficulties or mundaneness of life nor have a damper put on their overly-positive outlook on life and the world. You find yourself smiling as you ask them questions about school and what they like to do and their plans for the future and they respond gushing with visible excitement and energy.

And then, they swing by the next day, sheepishly making their way up to you to ask if you have any more. You laugh and smile and tell them of course.

The same thing happens the next day, and the next day. You go out of your way to get some teen-boy-approved type of snacks the next time you go grocery shopping, which end up rapidly disappearing from your fridge and pantry.

You learn them, their similarities and differences, their interests and strengths. Xingqiu is more the academic type, Chongyun is more involved in athletics. You listen to them excitedly ramble about the “important” things going on in their lives, high-school level drama and such, the sort that seems to be of a much greater significance and weight to kids their age, who have no frame of reference for anything more serious than that. You give exaggerated reactions of awe and pride when they boast about their achievements, and it does warm your heart to see that that always makes them more excited to keep going on about it.

With that, you develop a very… wholesome sort of relationship. They start coming by more often.

And more and more often. Nearly each day. It's a very strange situation, yet it just feels natural because you get accustomed to it — instead of going back to their own homes, they head to your place right after they're let out from school. You feed them (they're teenage boys, they're eating more in one sitting than you do in an entire day), talk to them, you've even helped with homework every now and then, for subjects you're knowledgeable in. They seem to really love coming over to your house, and, well, you're often very lonely, and you appreciate them as well.

The neighbors have all seen them going to your place each day, some of them jokingly ask how “your boys” are doing. It’s endearing, really, and always makes you smile.

You know it's not exactly normal, but at the same time, if they trust you and depend on you and cling to you so much, they must not have another source for that — from what they've said, both have very busy and/or somewhat emotionally distant parents, which makes you feel bad for them, tugs at your heart, makes you feel like you should be sure to be there for them and be available when they need you. Like you have a responsibility to be there.

Which leads to you taking on perhaps an even greater role of keeping tabs on them, being responsible for them. You even get a call from the school once when one gets sick, asking you to come pick him up, which he thanks you for repeatedly, but still doesn't seem to treat the matter as quite as unusual as you feel it is. Regardless, you find yourself taking him to your house to recover rather than his own, at his own request.

They're almost a little too comfortable, but it's more comical to you than anything — they reach a point where now, they just come sauntering into your house after school, backpacks dumped onto the floor and flopping onto your couch as if it were their own house. One time when you were home alone, you went out to get groceries, only to nearly have a heart attack when greeted with a hello! as soon as you stepped through your front door when you came back. Turns out they figured out you keep a spare key under the welcome mat… they help you put the groceries away, though. Such sweet boys.

Yes, they’re sweet, helpful, bright-eyed, energetic… even if sometimes, they get a little strange.

Nothing that isn't standard teen boy stuff, though, you tell yourself. You find evidence of their presence in oddly private areas of your home — your bedroom door hanging open when you're pretty sure you shut it earlier, an open drawer, missing clothes, so on and so on.

It's odd, but you don't exactly know how to really go about confronting them, the idea feels awkward and uncomfortable. Not to mention, doubt and paranoia cloud your reasoning — what if there's a perfectly legitimate reason, and then you ruin things by making false accusations? What if you're imagining it? You ultimately decide to try and shake off the creeping feeling of something being wrong.

Worst case scenario, they're being… weird. But teenage boys are like that, aren't they? Raging hormones and all. It's a little unpleasant, but you're sure they'll mature out of such behaviors, if that really is the case. It's nothing too serious.

And then they start getting touchy.

When they help you carry things in (so sweet of them, isn’t it?), you notice that over time, they grow comfortable with your arms and hands brushing against each other. They stand closer to you when leaning over to see what you’re making whenever you’re running around in the kitchen (of course, usually accompanied by asking if it's for them or if they can have some), shoulders bumping against yours. They scoot their chair much closer to yours when you’re helping them with their homework, eventually to where your thighs touch.

Waving goodbye when they go home at the end of the day turns into big hugs. Both of them do so in a way that you just can't shake the feeling of being somehow wrong. Xingqiu pulls your chest against his perhaps just a bit too firmly. Chongyun holds his hands lower down on your back than you feel comfortable with. But then they both flash you such sweet smiles and promise to see you later, and your momentary concerns feel trivial.

Your naive belief in their innocence begins to fall apart, though, because Chongyun is significantly less skilled at keeping up feigned ignorance.

The idea that you were being paranoid, or imagining things, quickly begins to fade from your mind when you notice how blatantly sheepish he begins to become as time goes by. He stops looking you in the eye, stammers and fidgets and squirms when trying to speak to you. As if feeling guilty, as if having done something wrong.

Xingqiu is much better at it — almost scarily so. If it were just him, you'd never notice a thing, and you’re not sure how to feel about that realization. You’re pretty sure he could do something right in front of you and then convince you you did it instead, with how flawlessly he can change his tone and expressions and answer questions in ways that not only fail to answer, but give the impression of an answer, then distract away to another topic before you can even think enough to realize what a non-answer the response he gives is.

You only caught onto it one time, and then when you started to think back, you realized how many times he’s done the exact same thing in the past, all without you ever realizing… those rich business families must have some kind of genetic predisposition to conversation manipulation. Still, it’s nothing malicious, he didn’t do anything wrong, you’re pretty sure at least… he just seems to steer away from anything having to do with the odd occurrences of things that go missing or were different from how you left them.

Still, it reaches a point where you really can’t delude yourself.

But it's nothing serious. It's not enough to warrant saying anything. That’s what you tell yourself.

Because if it were that serious, you’d have to say something. And if you say something, well, that’s… hard. Awkward. Difficult to summon the gall for, especially towards two young, innocent boys who have never done anything really bad to you, who have always been so helpful and sweet, who are just being the way boys that age are, right? It’s ultimately harmless.

You’d ruin things between you all, you’d hurt them. You can’t have that. They’re too precious. They keep you company, they help you out, you’ve gotten so used to their presence in your life, you can’t have that ruined. Thus, you say nothing. Yes, it’s all just normal, it’s no big deal. Soon enough they’ll start getting involved with girls their age anyway, and stop messing with you so much.

Except there's one more issue... that thing where they seem to really not like your husband.

The moment he comes up, they both take a negative attitude. Granted, one day you do end up more or less breaking down as you find yourself venting and lamenting your miserable marriage — how he’s never home, how he’s always doing suspicious things that hurt your heart, how he never treats you to anything, never remembers anniversaries or birthdays, never says anything nice to you… you only pause and start stammering apologies when you notice how quiet they both get, but they insist it’s fine, and follow up by muttering about how you deserve better… you smile and pat their heads.

You really meant the whole thing as mere venting, so it makes you feel bad when, seeing as your birthday falls very shortly after that conversation, they both get you things on said birthday. Chongyun’s is something he made himself, albeit on a very low budget, Xingqiu’s is the inverse, some piece of jewelry that’s the most expensive thing you’ve ever owned… and they remembered even when your husband didn’t. It makes you feel guilty, like maybe you baited them by inducing their pity, but they both seem so happy to give you something, and even when you say they didn’t have to do that, they insist they wanted to… maybe it’s alright, then. They were already sweet to you too, of course, but you notice that they give you compliments and such more frequently too.

Regardless, you notice that even before your complaining, they both sort of scowl when your husband is mentioned, even more so after you reveal the rocky state of your marriage. There’s an unmistakable resentment in some comments they make — you start talking about how you’re worried that you spent too much on groceries and will make him mad, to which you get a scoff and a ‘well who cares what he thinks?’, or, when you’re worried the house isn’t presentable enough for your husband coming home, you get a shrug and mutter, ‘he can just deal with it…’

Your husband doesn’t exactly care for them either. You mention it to him because you feel you should, although apparently neighbors already informed him of the matter. You get a few gruff comments about how bizarre and inappropriate it is that you’re letting two teen boys just sit around in your house. Every now and then, you get snapped at in irritation about a piece of a wrapper left on the sofa or a pencil left on the table, how it’s because you let those damn teenagers stay in your house, how you’re draining his hard-earned money on feeding them, so on and so on.

They only actually interact once, seeing as the man gets home so late each day that it’s usually long after both boys have left for the day, but one time their presence does overlap — it’s very awkward. You didn’t hear the car pull up to the house, so when he comes walking in, the two boys quickly get their things together and scurry out the door, all without exchanging a word, although the tension and glaring is palpable. You’re reminded that he tolerates you having them there, and that he had better not come home to find them in his house so late again. You nod your head — but you still let them stay fairly long each day… now they make no attempt to hide their disgust each time you mention your spouse.

Their increasing negativity towards him, their increasing affection towards you — there’s a sort of tension that builds over time. Every party involved feels it, you’re certain, one of those things where everyone knows what’s happening and no one acknowledges it out loud.

By the time it happens, they're so comfortable that it's practically nonchalant, and for you, well, somehow you don’t feel particularly surprised. It feels more like something you knew was going to happen, but maybe pretended in the forefront of your mind that you didn’t know, that it wasn’t inevitable.

Likewise, it happens so quickly that you barely register anything as it happens, it doesn’t sink in as real until it’s too late and you’re already too far into it.

You don’t remember, afterwards, exactly what you were doing — were you helping them with homework at the kitchen table, or were you all watching a movie on your couch beforehand? You’re not sure. You only remember feeling an unusual palpable energy in the air, them looking back and forth at each other as if to confirm to move ahead with some premeditated plan. You remember that it was Chongyun that initiated it, to some extent—

I— I mean, we wanted to, uh, talk to you about something, and, ah…

He seems to lose his words halfway through, and sort of pathetically looks over at the other, as if silently begging for help, which is met with a sigh and a few back and forth comments as you stare on in bewilderment — that ‘no, you were supposed to do that part,’ or ‘no, YOU were supposed to do that,’ so on and so forth, until they both seem to just give up on whatever the plan was and go for it instead.

That’s where it becomes a bit of a blur. You don’t remember which one grabbed you first, which one’s mouth met yours first.

You think you said a few things to deter them, obligatory statements of how I can’t, I’m married and the other standard lines you’re supposed to say because you have some sense of guilt and honor, don't you? You have to deny them the first time, it's only right.

And yet, you’re pretty sure your resistance didn’t last long.

The reality of it all doesn’t sink in until you’re at the point where you can no longer bring yourself to care, too lost in excitement and ecstasy and basking in the feeling of being so intensely desired, until you’re on your knees with one in your mouth and one from behind (although later, you can’t recall which was which at first — they switched up a few times, you’re pretty sure). You don’t even remember how many times they came inside you, only that you felt some vague alarm the first time, but stopped caring soon after, letting yourself be bent over your couch and put on your knees on the floor, letting your mind melt away, focusing only on pleasure and longing and, in the back of your mind, a twinge of guilt knowing that maybe you knew this was what they wanted all along.

Good thing your husband was on another one of his business trips. You’re pretty sure he’d be furious to know you took them upstairs and continued all night long on his own bed thereafter, eventually all falling asleep there too, with you sandwiched in between… only to wake up and go at it again the next morning. It’s Saturday, after all, they have to fill their time with something other than school.

You have different sets of issues, after that day. You’re not worried about their affections being inappropriate — you’ve long since accepted that, now you’re just a little worried about how they keep pressuring you to divorce and move in with one of them (Xingqiu reminds you his family is very very wealthy, this in turn upsets Chongyun, who insists he’s trying to ‘win you over’ which is ‘unfair’ to him). You don’t worry about your missing clothes or their touches, those are no longer an issue… now your biggest concern is keeping their voracious sex drives at bay, which it turns out you severely underestimated, and you have TWO to deal with on top of that, practically getting pounded and plowed at every opportunity.

Then you have to worry about how virile they probably are… you’re not on birth control, seeing as your husband has demanded you have a kid. He might get one, even if not how he expected… and then you have to worry about giving both boys equal affection, lest you hurt one’s feelings or make them jealous… and then you have to worry about your poor weary body, which can barely keep up with them…

And, of course, you worry about the inevitable, knowing that it’s only a matter of time before things fall apart, one way or another. A matter of time before they decide to ‘deal with’ your husband — you heard them use that exact verbiage muttering to themselves, only for them to go silent once they saw you. A matter of time before they do something, and you get the feeling that you're not going to like whatever something is.

Yes, you know things can’t stay in this limbo forever… and that worries you, no matter how much you try to put it off and pretend things are fine and tell yourself you’ll cross that bridge when you get to it, only to find the bridge is growing closer with each day. After-school threesomes on a limited schedule can only keep them content for so long, especially when they've already started to push the limits of how long they can stay, how many times they can go, insisting you can get one more round in before your husband comes home.

At least you’re pretty sure no one else knows. The neighbors still ask you how “your boys” are, and seem to do so with endearment, with no trace of any concern or outrage or disgust.

You haven’t changed your answer in all the time they’ve asked — you always smile and say they’re doing just great. Perhaps that’s even more true now than it was before.

[dead-boys-club]

†  normal : hawks.

❥ scenario: this is a cluster fuck of different writing based on concerns and desires of keigo with his civilian lover. * it's written like this because the request wasn't really specified, so you get the answer in multiple different way. ❥ no triggers; not rated. however, this does have spoilers - i think?? ❥ i don't have any beta readers - you get what you get. ❥ this was a request <3

I apologize - this ended up so much longer than i originally anticipated.

let me start off first with a few little hcs that come to mind.

One: when it comes to the idea of having a normal life and what to do about it, keigo is going to keep it to himself until he can't anymore. he already assumes it's a doomed thought - he's government/commission property, right? he's not allowed to have a normal life and he's well aware of the fact that as long as he's useful, he doesn't have much of a say. He would keep an eye on you, watching you go about your daily routines with a consent nagging voice in the back of his thoughts; constant longing, wariness - it's almost as if it's splitting him apart to have all of these thoughts. thoughts that he continues to tell himself he's not allowed to have. even when he's mid mission, he still has the idea of your future in the back of his mind. he's very much going to suffer in silence over it.

Two: his idea of normalcy, to him, is quite boring but that's the point. he often lays awake at night, imagining what it would be like to have a small house, somewhere no one can find, maybe with a garden and a pet - something so domestic with you causes his bones to ache and makes him restless. those imagines, so whimsical and pretty, always turn to nightmares the moment his eyes close because.. what if something happens to you? he would find himself teetering on the edge of his own ability to keep sane trying to have his own life. all he wants is simplicity; routines.. a home with love, laughter - no broken promises, bloodshed or the idea of one of you not making it home.

Three: he does have one idea. one idea that's so.. awful and pathetic that he wonders if he'll sound crazy even bringing it up to you. running away with you. it would be possible, right? he could find a way. your optimism would make up for the uncharacteristic lack of his own in that moment when he finally lets the idea slip. he wants a life where he can just be present with you and maybe that's what needs to be done. [ SPOILER? ] when keigo loses his quirk, despite his fears of not being able to protect you.. he really starts holding onto the dream of being with you, normal, enjoying life. after all - how can you be a hero without a quirk?

Four: even if he brought it up to you before, he would still battle it before finally coming to the decision to do something. he would sit with you, probably very uncertain and unsure, even though you'd already seemed enthusiastic about it. he would explain his thoughts, his nightmares, his fears.. his desire to keep you safe and keep you happy, away from the life he'd grown tired of. he loved saving people but he just wanted something he never had the chance to have before. he would offer you the chance of a fresh start, just the two of you, repeating to you, your comment that everyone can be free of the shadows of their past if they take the right steps.

with your support and thrilled agreement to follow him, because honestly, you'd follow him anywhere. he would find himself grasping at hope as you spent time planning, chatting about the future you both wanted. it would be frustrating. yes, it was decided but he would have his moments of feeling like he was stopping your life as well but he would be so conflicted, he couldn't find a balance between the pros and cons that didn't make him feel selfish.

✧*̥˚ first tiny drabble *̥˚✧

keigo had spent years pining over the idea of normalcy - a home, a loving family and the pleasure of living an every day life; an idea he'd abandoned countless times due to being a hero. the ache in his chest grew worse when he'd met you, a civilian who had chuckled off his hero persona and saw straight threw it, smiling and brushing it off; you saw him as just another person and that moment, he began to dream that maybe he could be just that.

your ability to stand by and cheer him on through everything furthered the chaos on his mind, something he kept from you the best he could. you supported him through the challengers and dangers that came with being a hero and at the end of the day, you greeted him the same way and welcomed him home, letting him shed the skin of 'hawks' and live just a few hours as himself. you brought him solace, anchoring him to reality as he battled having a double life. time passed, though, and he could only handle it alone for so long before realizing he couldn't just ignore the growing desire to have a normal life.. he just knew he had responsibilities that he couldn't simply walk away from. they wouldn't let him.

he battled with the secrets, the lies, his past, your safety.. all of it was becoming too much.

after one rather harsh mission that left you both a little shaky, keigo found himself staring out the window, the evening sky bleeding into night and his bones aching beneath skin and muscle. that didn't matter though. you sat beside him, quiet, and giving him the space to relax, just content to have him home.

'this.. i love this,' he finally spoke, voice holding the softest tinge of regret, and followed by a sigh. 'being here with you, so close, it's everything i've ever wanted.' he couldn't deny his enjoyment of his career but truly, nothing beat getting to sink next to you and not think anymore.

you squeezed his hand, silent encouragement for him to continue, curious where his thoughts had fallen.

'but..' keigo shifted, words having heavy in the air as a frown ghosted over his features. 'they don't like it.. this isn't the life i'm supposed to be living. they're call it a liability and.. well, that puts you in danger.'

understanding the concern, you were growing afraid of where the conversation was headed. 'it's not like i didn't know the risks when i agreed to be with you.. i love you, regardless of the danger, you know that.' that felt to easy to you, tightening your hold on his hand.

the blond tipped his head to look at you, tired and a little overwhelmed, 'and i love you, too, more than anything.'

you frowned. 'but..'

his shoulders slumped and he squeezed your hand. 'but,' he repeated, 'am i being selfish? risking your safety just for a few hours of being normal, it's not fair to you.'

immediately, you began shaking your head, firm with how you chose to respond. 'Keigo, you listen to me. this isn't just about you or what you want - it's about us, isn't it? i chose to be with you because i love you and i trust you; because i fully believe in you. so what, with you or not.. i'd be facing risks every day with the world we live in. i'd rather face those risks with you.'

he swallowed hard, eyebrows briefly pulling together. 'that's what scares me. you're willingness to put yourself in this position.' he didn't like admitting it but he had no choice, feeling backed into a corner with the world around him, making his choices for him. 'it's something so.. real.'

it took a moment for you not to chuckle, knowing it would earn you a look you didn't need, and reached to cup his face, thumbs brushing gingerly at his features. 'we will face whatever comes out way together. i'm not going anywhere.'

his eyes slipped shut, leaning towards the warmth of your touch. 'i know,' he mumbled, tone making it obvious just how low he felt. 'just.. i need to figure it out, how to keep you safe.. how to make all of this work.'

'and we will.' you smiled, leaning up to press a lingering kiss to his forehead, 'if we aren't facing them together.. well, that's not real love.'

he didn't respond, just pulled you closer, finding solace in your words and presence. keigo knew that with you, he'd already found a home, nothing else mattered - he just needed to keep that safe.

✧*̥˚ another small drabble but with spice *̥˚✧

tension was an awful thing and it hung thick in the apartment as you and keigo as he paced, his demeanor fractured in frustration and agitation. you sat, silent, watching him with concern, knowing full well that his outburst didn't come from something so surface level. his deep-rooted fear of losing you, your safety, it was getting to him.

'kei..' you pleaded barely above a whisper, breaking the silence. 'i get that you're concerned, and i unde--'

keigo turned on his heel to face you, the expression he held so intense that you were a little surprised. 'but nothing!' he hadn't even realized he raised his voice. 'do you understand what could happen..? what could happen to you just because you're with me? what they could do to you?'

you were honestly a little confused; you weren't sure if he was speaking on the topic of the commission or villains anymore but you brushed that aside. his words cut deep, the fear and desperation as his hands clenched into fists at his sides. it made your heart weep to see him in such a pent up state and as you stood, you thought carefully over what you were going to say.

'i know it's dangerous. i know.. we have things coming at us from more than one side,' you began, keeping your voice as steady as you could manage, trying not to let your own whirlwind of emotions make things worse. 'but, i can't just walk away.'

he shook his head, jaw clenching for a second. 'i'm not asking you to walk away, i'd rather be on my knees begging you not to,' he said, his voice becoming softer. 'what you don't understand is .. is i don't know what i would do if something happened to you. i need you to be careful. i need you to stay safe.'

'i am careful. i'm always careful,' you frowned, 'i know how to take care of myself. did you forget that? i made it how long before i met you?'

closing his eyes, he shifted his weight and took a moment to collect himself, struggling to rein in emotions that felt like he no longer had control over. when he finally spoke, you could hear the regret laced within the words. 'i know you do. it just scares me to think i could lose you.. because of me.'

you hated the way tears welled up, the weight of his words settling heavy on your shoulders and you weren't sure what to say. reaching out for his hand, you held onto it tightly.

'i love you.' your voice trembled and you took in a soft breath. 'i'm not going anywhere.. and i'll fight tooth and nail if something ever happens. but, i need you to trust me as much as i trust you.'

looking down at your hands, then up to you, keigo's gaze softened. 'i do trust you. it's hard.'

'i know.' carefully pulling him into a tight, comforting embrace, you took in a deep breath to keep from falling apart. 'we'll figure it out. we always do.'

✧*̥˚ thoughts *̥˚✧

as impossible as hawks would think it was.. i don't think he'd ever be with someone who agreed with him - because he needs someone by his side that is willing to fight for him and face the world with him. maybe a completely normal life wouldn't be something he could have, not with his quirk, but his s/o would do everything in their abilities to give him as many normal moments of they could.

hawks would grasp on to every single moment he could - despite the worries and concerns. however, if she were in danger.. i think he would probably shut down. he's very rational, very logical - he knows it's possible but if it actually happened? i don't think he would be able to handle the way he felt.

so, let's go into some hcs about her getting hurt - and i'm breaking this down, outside of a scenario, for the simple fact i don't have a scene base.

✧*̥˚ if his s/o actually got hurt *̥˚✧

let's start off with his initial reaction because not a single person could look at me and say he wouldn't feel guilty; he'd feel like his entire world just shattered to pieces. everything they'd talked about, fought about - it had become reality. he would be overwhelmed and probably angry with himself about not being able to protect her, thinking over and questioning every single little choice he'd made that lead to not being there for her. he would blame himself. if this happened, say.. like during the mla arc and she was a casualty, i think he'd become very.. how to say, merciless with whoever he was against, because he'd be fueled by the racing thoughts of; is she alive? is she okay? does she hate me? i failed her.

not a single thing would matter to him until he got to see her and the moment he learned where she was, he was off - almost begrudgingly finishing what he needed to, first. he's probably not in the best shape and he doesn't give a single shit about anyone around him - he just needs to get to her. he would be so desperate to find her, words almost not coherent as he asked around the staff.

it would take everything in him not to be on his knees the moment he saw her in a hospital bed, feeling like he didn't even deserve to be called a hero when he couldn't save the one person he truly loved. however, i will say, he's not going anywhere. he would be by her side, barely sleeping or eating, ignoring others, refusing to leave until she was leaving with him - he would be reluctant to have his own injuries looked at because they didn't matter. those around him, they wouldn't recognize him - the hawks sitting beside her bedside was someone that no one else knew. the tears, the cursing; he was in pain and struggling with heart ache just being there.

as he sat there, holding her hand, he'd be left with his thoughts and let's be honest.. hawks is not a character that should be left with endless time alone with his thoughts. doesn't matter the topic. his confidence would be broken. his own self worth would be trash. hawks already has moments of believing he isn't worth a grain of salt but he'd be so caved in that he would doubt his ability to be a hero, a partner, a human being. in his mind, even being a hero that's supposed to keep countless people safe, he would have failed his most important role.

as she began to recover, hawks would slowly sink into a world of contemplation on what to do when she was out. he'd have done something he thought was even shittier than letting her get injured - he would write out a break up note, because he didn't feel worthy of facing her. she would never see it, he couldn't do that but he debated on if no longer being connected to her would help; maybe it was the only way to keep her safe. he would tell her this and it would be a very heavy, very draining conversation and he would feel like absolute shit for putting her through something so emotionally and mentally exhausting after what she'd been through but.. he would be a little relieved when she lightly hit the back of his head and told him to stop thinking that way.

hawks would walk away from this with even more determination to be better; to be a better partner, hero, etc. he'd become even more vigilant and serious, needing to do what he could to make sure she never ended up hurt again. even though she reminded him that he couldn't always be there and things happened - he would still do his damndest.

even if his lover could bounce back and reassure him, i think a situation like this would honestly be pretty traumatic for him. he already struggles with guilt and regret and that would just deepen - it would be something he would bring up every blue moon, needing to vent and hide away with her for a day or two just to deal with the thoughts and feelings that came with them. because of her, ignoring the AFO quirk situation, he would accept that.. things couldn't be perfect, couldn't be as simple and normal as he wanted.. but he would just have to make due with what she made normal for him, and he'd be happy with that. he would still think about it.. dream of a home, peace.. and he would hold onto hope that one day he could have that but until that day, he would work with it and just be happy to have someone who cherished him so much.

[justagalwhowrites]

Run Rabbit Part 2

You, Joel and Tommy settle into your situation. A continuation of Run Rabbit Part 1, found on Tumblr here.

PLEASE READ ALL WARNINGS. Written as part of the @romana-after-dark Dead Dove December event (but posted late because it's impossible for me to make a deadline at the moment apparently.)

Relationship: Joel Miller x Female Reader X Tommy Miller

Warnings: DUBCON (reader is a captive, participation might be enthusiastic but consent is dubious under the circumstances.) Raider!Joel; Raider!Tommy; Captive reader; Canon-typical violence; graphic depictions of violence; graphic depictions of injury; attempted SA (not by Joel or Tommy); Dom/Sub dynamic but not an established relationship; Dom-ish Joel; Brat tamer-ish Joel; Sub-ish reader; DDDNE; M/F/M threesome; unprotected P in V sex; Anal sex; Oral sex; No use of Y/N; Minors DNI 18+ Only. This part is filthy, OK? There are two dicks. They're put to good use. The end.

Length: 17.9k (If I knew what the fuck my problem is, I'd tell you, I swear.)

AO3 | Fic Masterlist | Full Masterlist | Previous Part

You were oddly relieved when Joel and Vince came back the next afternoon. Tommy heard them coming, one ear cocked toward the door when the front step creaked, and he turned back to you quickly. 

“They ask, you’ve been tied up til a few hours ago,” he said. “All my idea to untie you, OK?” 

“OK,” you said, frowning a little but not arguing with someone else taking the heat. You didn’t want to piss off Joel. He seemed to run this whole operation and you wanted to stay on his good side. At least until you could get the fuck away from here. 

But he wasn’t upset that Tommy had untied you. He seemed to expect it. Even though he did bind your wrists again almost the second he was in the door. 

“Here,” he said once you were tied again, digging in his pack. He pulled out a few bottles of shampoo and conditioner and body wash and hand lotion, setting them on the table in front of you. “Thought you could use that. Might make you more comfortable.” 

You frowned, picking up the shampoo as best you could with your tied hands. You looked at the bottle for a moment, as though it was going to reveal something to you somehow. 

“Why do you care if I’m comfortable?” You asked eventually. 

Joel shrugged. 

“Don’t need you to be uncomfortable. Need you to keep us alive. Don’t have to be miserable while you do it.” 

The books kept you busy for a few days, the men sticking close to home for a while. Joel had come back with a nasty cut on his leg that you needed to treat after a few days of him trying to tough it out. He unbound your hands for that and Tommy brightened a bit when he did only to deflate when Joel tied you up once his leg was stitched up. About a week after they got back, the men hauled in water from the rain barrels outside, layers of ice forming on the top. They warmed some up over the fire and partially filled the bathtub, Tommy untying you as they did. 

“Gotta be quick,” Joel said. “Don’t trust you to not take off on us but we’re movin’ tomorrow, may as well get clean while you can.” 

“Moving where?” You asked as Tommy gently pulled the last of the rope from your wrists. You stretched and rotated your joints before you absently traced the indentations in your skin. 

“Not for you to worry about,” Joel said. “Just you and me to start. Vince and Tommy have some shit to finish up down this way first. You’ll be slower to travel with.” 

“I’d be faster if you untied me and I could keep my balance.”

Joel scoffed. 

“It’d be faster if you got with the program, little girl. You’re mine now, not gonna just let you take the fuck off no matter how hard you try.” 

You glared at him but followed him to the small bathroom when he guided you there. 

“I’ll be right outside this door,” he said. “Don’t think about tryin’ anything.” 

“Yeah, because I’ll just climb out through a pipe,” you muttered, closing the door behind you. They’d put a lantern in the room so you weren’t in the dark, at least. 

You got undressed, folding your clothes and setting them on the toilet that was now totally useless as anything besides a chair or a shelf. The fabric was stiff with dirt and sweat and signs of life after you’d lived in it for weeks and you doubted it would ever be clean again. 

The water was warm when you lowered yourself into it, barely coming up over your hips and the tops of your thighs, but enough to get clean. You scrubbed every inch of yourself and washed your hair twice, the water gradually shifting to a sickly gray. You didn’t mind. You felt clean for the first time in well over a month. The last time you’d had a bath, it had been warm enough to jump in a river without freezing half to death. You tried not to think about how long that had been. 

But, when you got out, you realized that you didn’t have clean clothes in the bathroom with you and you weren’t about to put on the old ones now that you were clean. 

“Shit,” you muttered to yourself. 

“Tryin’ to cause trouble in there?” Joel asked from the other side of the door, making you jump. 

“No,” you rolled your eyes even though he couldn’t see you. “I just didn’t think to grab clean clothes before coming in here and my old ones are disgusting.” 

“Oh,” Joel said, voice oddly gentle. “Um… just… one minute.” 

“Can’t go far,” you muttered, trying to dry yourself as best as you could with the scrap of towel that they’d left you in the bathroom while trying not to freeze. 

To his credit, Joel was quick. 

“Got my eyes closed,” he said. “Open the door.” 

You clenched your jaw a little but obeyed, trying to hide your body behind the the door as best you could. Joel held jeans, a flannel, underwear, a bra and socks out to you in a haphazard pile in one hand, covering his eyes with the other. You snorted. 

“What.” 

“Nothing,” you said, taking the clothes as best you could. “Thank you.” 

“Yup.” 

You went to close the door but jumped and shrieked instead. Perched on the edge of the tub was large mouse - or was it a rat? - trying to work its way down into the water without sliding in. You jumped onto the sink on instinct, half of the clothes tumbling to the floor while you clutched the rest to your chest as Joel came bursting in. 

“What!” He asked, looking around for some kind of threat in the tight space. 

“Rat!” You yelled, pointing at the thing on the stained porcelain. “There, on the tub!” 

“Shit,” he grabbed the bucket next to the tub and moved for it but it saw him coming and took off, darting between his legs and into the main part of the house where it was met with a sickening thud. 

“Got it!” Tommy called and you watched as the tension left Joel’s shoulders. 

Your body relaxed, too, even though you flinched a little at the thought that you’d been living here with that thing for who knows how long. 

“You alright?” Joel asked, looking at you. His eyes trailed down over you before coming back to your face and you remembered, suddenly, that you were naked, just a pile of fabric on your lap and held to your chest to hide the parts you’d want to protect the most. 

“Fine,” you said, clutching the clothes tighter to yourself, your heart beating faster than you wanted when you realized just how close Joel was to you. “Just… surprised me, is all.” 

“Right,” he said, eyes dropping to your chest again before quickly coming back up. “Get dressed. Be quick.” 

He stalked out, slamming the door behind him, your heart still thudding against your ribs. 

You got dressed quickly, too jumpy to properly savor the feeling of clean clothes on your clean body. When you emerged from the bathroom, Joel was nowhere to be found. You frowned a little at that as Tommy came back inside, hauling more water to warm over the fire. 

“He stepped out,” he said. “Don’t gotta tie you up quite yet.” 

“Right,” you said, folding yourself into a corner of the couch. Vince watched you from his place at the small table, finger idly tracing over the blade of the knife he was sharpening. You narrowed your eyes. “Can I help you?” 

“No,” he sat back a little further in his chair. “Just clean up good.” 

He adjusted his pants and you tried to ignore the sickening feeling in your stomach when his eyes stayed on you as he did. 

Tommy finished refilling the tub and glanced out the window where it was starting to get dark before he looked back to you. 

“Why don’t we call it a night early,” he said. “C’mon.” 

You looked at him skeptically for a moment. 

“If you’re not in here for him to tie up…” Tommy trailed off. 

“Bed time it is.” 

You followed him deeper into the cabin, no more hint of fear there when you were alone with Tommy. He’d had every opportunity to hurt you. He hadn’t done it. You weren’t sure if you were just desperate for someone to be attached to or if you’d have always come to trust Tommy. But that didn’t much matter. You had what you had. 

“Gotta promise not to take off on me,” he said, his voice low as he sat cross legged on the bed, grabbing the deck of cards from the bedside table. He started to shuffle. “He really won’t let me get away with goin’ easy on you if we gotta go run you down again.” 

“Why do you listen to him?” You asked, keeping your voice quiet, too. “You’re brothers, right? Just talk to him… or take over.” 

He scoffed. 

“Did take over for a bit,” he said. “Right after the outbreak. Did the best I could, little rabbit, but… didn’t go well. Miracle either of us are alive. But he wasn’t in any shape to figure shit out so that left me…” 

“What happened?” You frowned as Tommy started to deal. “Was he injured? Is that why he wants a nurse around so bad?” 

Tommy was quiet for a moment, staring intently at his cards, a hard look on his face. 

“He… he was hurt in the outbreak,” Tommy said eventually. “Still got some of the scars from it. He wasn’t able to make decisions for a while. Had to carry him for a bit, make sure he stayed breathing. I… I’m not cut out for that. Especially not with Joel. It’s better that he leads, trust me.” 

You looked at your hand, not able to picture Joel as anything but what he was. Cold and calculating and always in control. Picturing him hurt and weak made your chest get tight. You weren’t sure why. 

“Game’s Gin Rummy,” Tommy said, clearing his throat. “Usual stakes.” 

When you could hear Joel talking to Vince in low tones in the living room, Tommy folded his hand and gestured to the bed before lying down. You took your spot next to him, hands folded over your stomach. 

“Can’t I go with you instead?” You asked quietly, head turned to see him. 

He looked over at you before for a moment before turning his eyes back to the ceiling, settling down into the pillow. 

“No,” he whispered. “Joel has his reasons. Just… Behave yourself. He’s not gonna hurt you. I know he seems scary but he wouldn’t hurt a woman if he doesn’t have to. Don’t push him.” 

When Joel came in, you pretended to be asleep. You felt his eyes on you, heard the grinding of his teeth and, eventually, the creak of the floorboards as he settled in to sleep. 

The two of you got started early, your hands bound in front of you almost as soon as you were awake. 

“Not gonna get away with so much without my brother around,” Joel muttered as he wound the rope around you. “Don’t try and push your luck, little girl.” 

“Wouldn’t dream of it,” you muttered, your attitude tempered by your meek tone. You were about to be alone in the woods with this man for who knows how long. You didn’t want to push him too far. 

Tommy and Vince were outside when you left, getting ready to go do whatever it was they were going to do. You didn’t want to know. Tommy watched as you disappeared into the woods with his brother and you looked back over your shoulder at him, not ready to let go of the comfort you found in his soft, brown eyes. 

“Shouldn’t get so attached, little girl,” Joel said after you’d been walking long enough that you were sure you were out of earshot. 

“Attached to what?” You frowned, glancing back at him, breath rising in front of you. 

“My brother,” he said. “Watch where you’re walkin’.” 

You obeyed, looking ahead. 

“What makes you think I’m attached?” You asked. 

“Sure seem to spend a lot of time together if you’re not,” he said.

“What, you jealous?” You asked before you could stop yourself. You snapped your jaw shut after the words were out. You had to get your mouth under control. It got you in enough trouble before the world ended let alone when you were on the wrong side of a raider’s rifle. 

Joel snorted. 

“Just know Tommy,” he said. “Never found a broken thing he didn’t want to save and he just doesn’t know when to keep his fucking distance. Night of the outbreak I was bailin’ him out of jail because he beat up a guy who was roughin’ up a waitress. It’s a habit he needs to break if he’s gonna live through this shit. You’re just another symptom of his problem.”

That made your stomach clench. Part of you had thought - or maybe just hoped - that you meant something to Tommy. It bothered you that you didn’t. It bothered you more that it mattered. You shouldn’t care, beyond the fact that his affection for you might help you stay alive. 

But, with Zach gone - Zach, who likely hadn’t cared all that much for you, either, given how he handed you over to these men so easily - you had no one besides Tommy. You’d never had no one before. Being so utterly alone was horrifying in a way that even cordyceps weren’t. You weren’t sure you could handle it. 

“What makes you think I’m something he’d need to save?” You asked instead. 

“Little girl…” 

“Woman.” 

“Little girl,” he said again. “All alone after traveling with some guy who was willing to trade her pain for his life? What about that don’t need savin’, desperate to know what I fuckin’ missed.” 

“What’s wrong with a little attachment?” You asked instead of answering. “What, do you not have friends? No wife or girlfriend?” 

“Attachment gets you fuckin’ killed, that’s what’s wrong with attachment,” he snapped, voice more bitter than you were used to hearing, enough that you looked back at him. His face was hard but his eyes were more raw than you’d ever seen them, the pain sharp and harsh and full. You stopped and faced him, searching those eyes for a moment. It was easier to see the resemblance with Tommy now that he wasn’t so closed off and guarded, the moment of weakness bringing his latent humanity to the surface. 

“What happened to you?” You asked quietly, brows drawn together as you traced the planes of his face with your eyes. You’d never really looked at him before, not like this. There had always been a hardness to him that made you look away, like he was dangerous to even look at too closely. It reminded you, now that you thought about it, of something you’d read once about Chernobyl. How the nuclear material from the reactor was so radioactive it melted film and destroyed robots that tried to investigate, let alone what it did to mortal bodies. So poisonous nothing could survive being close enough to really look.

But, in this moment, he wasn’t that. He was just a man who had seen and felt and been taken apart too much. There were scars on his otherwise smooth skin, the most prominent at his nose and temple and you had the strangest urge to reach out and run your fingers over them, to cradle his face and trace your thumbs over the rise of his cheekbones and tell him to close his eyes for a while, to let it all go for a while. 

You weren’t really thinking when you raised your bound hands to touch his skin but he didn’t let you get that far, snatching your wrists out of the air and ripping you harshly to him, making you yelp and stumble. 

“I am not your fucking business,” he snarled. “And you’ll keep your goddamn hands to yourself unless I tell you otherwise.” 

He shoved you back and you almost tripped over a root but you managed to stay standing, tears stinging the corners of your eyes. 

“Move,” he ordered. “Eyes on the fuckin’ trail.” 

You looked at him for another second, the cold cruelty of him back in his eyes. You sniffed but obeyed, turning and following the trail. 

You didn’t say anything else until you stopped for lunch, in a valley that hadn’t gotten snow yet. He pushed you down onto a log and stood over you, broad and domineering. 

“I go take a piss, you’ll stay put, right?” He asked. “Or do I need to do that right in front of you to keep you from fucking around?” 

“I’ll stay put,” you muttered, not looking at him. 

He went into the trees and you sat on the log, staring into space. For some reason, you felt - for the first time - that this was going to be your life now. That you’d always be with Joel and Tommy and Vince and that you’d be at their mercy forever, a tool in their arsenal of pain as they took whatever they wanted from what they called their territory. You’d be trapped and never have a chance at a semblance of a life again. 

The tears came even though you didn’t want them to, spilling over and feeling hot on your cheeks against the cold air. You heard Joel start to return through the brush and you tried to will yourself to stop fucking crying but you couldn’t manage it, your body mourning the loss of any kind of life you’d hoped to have. 

“The fuck is your problem?” Joel asked as you sniffled and dried your eyes on your sleeve as best you could with your bound hands. 

“What do you think?” You snapped, voice wobbly and wet. “This is my life now, isn’t it? Until the day I die - which will probably happen when you get bored with me or decide I’m more trouble than I’m worth and shoot me for it - I’m just some… some… some thing that you haul places and use when you need and I’ll never have another friend or have anyone care about me ever again and I think you can fucking deal with me being upset about that since you’re the one doing it, OK? Just leave me alone.” 

You pulled your knees to your chest as best you could from your place on the log and tried to bury your face there, anything to keep Joel from seeing your pain. 

A few moments later, you felt the log shift below you and Joel nudged you gently. 

“C’mon,” he said, voice oddly soft. “Need to eat something. Got a ways to go yet today.” 

You sniffed. 

“Not hungry.” 

Joel was quiet for a moment. 

“We can wait a bit,” he said eventually. “Making better time than I expected.” 

You ignored him, still trying to force yourself to stop crying. 

“Not gonna kill you,” he said. 

“What?” You pulled your head from where you’d buried it, sniffling a bit. 

“Not gonna kill you,” he said again. You frowned at him. “Just… you said you thought you were gonna die when I got bored with you or… I’m not gonna kill you. Well, you try to kill me or Tommy I might. Or you get bit. Or take off on us. But… short of that, not planning to kill you.” 

“Great,” you sniffed. “Lemme know when plans change I guess…” 

Joel huffed a small laugh. 

“Not gonna change,” he said. “S’not that I really like killing people. Got better hobbies than that. And I try to avoid killing people who don’t deserve it and people I don’t have to kill. You don’t deserve it so I’m not going to kill you unless I have to, it’s simple as that.”

You looked at him for a moment, your tears slowing. 

“Why do you do it then?” You asked. “The stealing and the hurting and the killing? If you don’t like it…” 

Joel looked at you, his eyes searching yours again, a hint of the openness that was in them before. 

“I’m not losing my little brother,” he said eventually. “So I’m going to do whatever I need to do to make sure he stays alive. Right now, that means hurtin’ and killin’ more than I really want. S’OK. I’ll pay that price, long as he stays alive.” 

You watched him, eyes trailing over those scars again. 

“You really think that’s the best way?” You asked softly. “All that killing? All that hurt? It’s got to hurt you, too, do you really think…” 

“Better than the alternative,” he cut you off. “Shit like handing ourselves over to FEDRA for them to lock up in a fuckin’ QZ or being sitting ducks for other people willin’ to hurt and kill first. Better this way, little girl. Trust me on that. Keeps him alive, that’s the important thing. That’s why you’re here. Something happens, it’s not a death sentence.  All that matters.” 

You nodded slowly and sniffed a little. Joel reached forward, his hands still seeming so big, and gently brushed his thumbs below your eyes, drying your tears. 

“You’re alright,” he said softly, holding your cheek in his palm. “S’not so bad. You’re mine now. Take care of what’s mine.” 

You just looked at him, his eyes on yours for a moment, before he cleared his throat and pulled out the bag of jerky, holding it out to you. You tried to reach your bound hands inside but the opening was too small and you made a frustrated noise when he laughed a little. 

“Hold on, I got it.” 

He pulled a piece out and held it out to you. But when you went to take it, he pulled it away and you frowned as he put it just inches away from your lips. 

“Open.” 

You kept your eyes locked on his as you obeyed and he put the salty meat on your tongue slowly, pressing it down into the muscle. You waited until he took his hand back to close your mouth and you chewed, holding his gaze as you did. He got out another piece of jerky, holding it in his thick fingers until you swallowed. He held it up like he did before and you let your mouth fall open so he could feed it to you, his movements disorientingly delicate for a man so large. 

He fed you that way until you had your fill of the jerky and he pulled out an apple and a knife, pressing the blade into the crisp flesh of it and cutting a slender wedge. He brought the first piece to your lips, the fruit balancing on his thumb and the harsh metal. 

“Open,” he said, something low and gravely in his voice. You obeyed and he put the apple on your tongue, the juice of it brushing your lips and making you lick them as he pulled the knife away. He cut a slice off of his own and you watched as his mouth slipped dangerously close to the sharpened edge. He kept his eyes on you as he brought the knife back to the apple and cut into it again and you opened your mouth for him to put the slice inside, the blade that had just been against his lips brushing your own. 

When it was gone, you just looked at him for a moment, watching as his thumb ran over the blade, wiping away all signs of the fruit on the knife before putting it away. 

“Come on,” he said, getting up and grabbing a handful of fabric at the nape of your neck as though you were a disobedient kitten, hefting you to your feet. “Want to clear at least 10 more miles before we stop for the night.” 

“Where are we going?” You asked as he picked up the overstuffed pack that was carrying all your supplies and his. “Why couldn’t we just stay where we were?” 

“Not a great place to ride out winter,” he said. “Other spot’s closer to things we’ll need but far enough away that we shouldn’t run into much trouble. Stayed there last winter, too. Worked well enough.” 

“And you’re, what, just hoping no one’s taken it since you left?” You asked as he nudged you forward. You looked back over your shoulder at him as he shrugged. 

“Just take it back if they did,” he said. “Shouldn’t get there ’til tomorrow night, anyway. Expect Tommy and Vince round midday the day after. Watch where you’re goin’, can’t have you breaking your fuckin’ leg out here…” 

“Tomorrow?” You frowned before looking straight ahead. “Where are we stopping tonight?” 

“Somewhere that looks good,” he said. “We’ll be sleeping rough.” 

“Do we have the gear for that?” You asked looking back at him to see him glare at you before you looked forward again. “It’s cold…” 

“Thought you were some outdoorsy thing, little girl,” he said. “Can’t handle a little cold?” 

You hated being cold. You didn’t say that. 

“More worried about you,” you replied. “You drop dead on me out here, makes my life a whole lot harder. Have to try to cut myself out of these damn ropes…” 

“Not dropping dead on you,” he said. “Keep goin’, don’t waste your energy talking to me…” 

You rolled your eyes a little but pressed on, putting one foot in front of the other and trying to ignore the imposing man at your back. 

Joel called for a stop hours later at a small indentation in a cliffside that was protected from wind. He set out the bed rolls and fed you again, just like he had at lunch, each piece of food going from his hands to your lips. 

“Can’t we have a fire?” You asked, trying not to shiver as the sun set. Joel looked at you, incredulous. “What?” 

“Why do you think we can’t have a fucking fire?” He asked, brows raised. 

You sighed. 

“I guess it might attract people…” 

“It would attract people,” he corrected you. “With Tommy and Vince around I wouldn’t give a shit but you? You’re a liability. Don’t much want to deal with trying to keep us both alive on my own. No fire.” 

You tucked your hands between your thighs and shivered a little. Joel raised his brows at you. 

“What?” You snapped. “I’m cold. It’s cold. Sue me.” 

“Don’t think suin’ you would do much good nowadays.” 

“Shut up.” 

He snorted and laughed a little. 

“Hold on,” he said, getting up and dragging his sleeping bag over next to yours before settling on top of it, sitting close to you. He held his arm out and you frowned. “Come on. Best way to get warm is to get close. Won’t bite and you’ll live, promise.” 

You glared at him but tucked yourself against his side all the same. He was right, it was warmer there. Joel seemed to just emanate heat, even through his thick suede coat. He even smelled warm, like cedar and sharp spice and crisp apple. You wedged your hands between your thigh and his and Joel frowned. 

“The hell are you that cold?” He muttered. “Feel like ice even through my damn jeans…” 

He pulled off the glove on the hand that wasn’t on your arm with his teeth and enveloped your hands in his much larger one. He pulled them to his mouth and breathed into your tight fingers, the heat of his breath seeping into your skin. 

“Don’t think we got more gloves but we can put some socks on your hands or somethin’ tomorrow,” he said. “No good to me if you lose your fuckin’ fingers.” 

“I could put them in my pockets if you just untied me,” you said, an almost teasing edge to your voice. 

“No good to me if you take off, either,” he said. You could practically hear him rolling his eyes. “Can’t trust you yet. 

“You think I can trust you?” You asked, looking up at him as best you could from your position tucked against his side. 

“No,” he said. “But I don’t need you to. You don’t get a choice here, little girl, I do. Don’t matter if you trust me.”

“It’d be easier if I did,” you said quietly. 

“Yeah,” he replied. “Imagine so.” 

You drifted off there, tucked against his side, and when you woke up, you were curled into his warm body, his arm securely around your middle, sleeping bag around you both. His breath was warm against your skin, his nose buried in your hair, his broad chest firm at your back. You weren’t sure what to do and were trying to figure out when he stirred, groaning a little as he adjusted his arm before sitting up. 

“Gotta get you better cold weather gear,” he muttered. “Don’t know how the fuck you survived last winter…” 

“Stayed to the south,” you replied. “Which you should do, too, by the way…” 

“Lot more competition to the south,” he said. “Don’t feel like havin’ a big crew. Works better to stay up this way with just us.” 

“Probably fine when you’re a furnace,” you muttered. 

“Get moving,” he nudged you. “You’ll be warmer when you’re walking.” 

You rolled your eyes but obeyed, getting out of the way enough that Joel could get up and pull you to your feet. He put socks over your bound hands and you tried not to laugh. 

He sighed. 

“What now?” 

“Most fucked up sock puppets…” You wriggled your hand into the right position as best you could to give it a mouth and he rolled his eyes. 

“Should never have told you I’m not planning on killin’ you unless you make me,” he muttered. “Just be insufferable now.” 

You smirked a little as you walked and you felt like you made decent time that morning. Joel fed you again when you stopped for lunch, tracing his thumb over the plush swell of your lower lip to wipe away a drop of juice from the apple, but you didn’t talk like you had the day before. Beyond the intimacy of him feeding you, his eyes lingering on your lips and throat, he was distant, teeth grinding and looking off into the trees when he wasn’t watching you. 

It was mid-afternoon when you heard it, the haggard pants and inhuman gargle of infected. 

“Joel,” you whispered, whipping back to look at him. He grabbed your shoulder and all but threw you behind him, his rifle raised. You pressed tight against his back. “Joel, I don’t have a gun, I can’t…” 

“Hush,” he said, hardly glancing back at you. “Told you, you’re mine and I protect what’s mine. You’ll be OK.” 

You winced and tried not to cry, pressing your forehead into Joel’s back. He was warm. Solid. Safe. You had to trust that he was going to take care of you, you didn’t have another choice. 

There was a snarl at your left and Joel turned so fast it made your head spin, his left leg coming back and catching against yours, forcing you to move with him so you were still protected by his large, broad body as he faced the infected head on. 

The crack of the gun made you flinch and you tried to focus on the feel of Joel as you moved with him as he backed up, staying where his legs guided you, keeping you tucked safely against him as he fired round after round, the snarling getting louder and closer until, suddenly, you felt the harsh grasp of a hand on your elbow. It ripped you back into a body that was more like your own - about the same height, none of the almost inhuman broadness of the man in front of you - and the thing snarled. 

“Joel!” You shrieked, trying your best to rip yourself away from it as it pulled your arms toward its mouth so hard it almost dislocated your shoulder. “Joel, please!” 

The infected sank its teeth into your arm but didn’t penetrate the thick coat as you tried to rip yourself free. For a moment, you thought you had, the pressure from its jaw letting up. But it just roared, gripping you tighter and pulling you closer, searching for skin it could reach. 

For a moment, as you watched what used to be a human woman stretch her open mouth toward your throat, you were almost surprised that this was how it was going to end for you. 

It shouldn’t be a surprise. It was the apocalypse, after all. It should make sense that the thing that made the world end took you out, too. But it had felt all but impossible for so long. Like you’d survived so much, worked so hard, pushed for so long that it wasn’t coming for you anymore. Like, eventually, things were going to slot into place and you were going to have a semblance of a life the the reality you now called home. It wasn’t supposed to end like this. You weren’t supposed to end like this. 

The butt of Joel’s rifle snapped you out of your own head, the stock coming down hard on the woman’s head and she shrieked, shoving you aside so that you fell flat on your back, and shifting her attention to Joel. He thrust her back and quickly snapped his gun around, shooting her in the head. She dropped where she stood and Joel lowered the gun ever so slightly, breathing heavy, surveying the woods around you both for any impending threats. After a moment, he slung the rifle on his back and all but ran to you, dropping to one knee at your side, his brown eyes wide as they ranged over you again and again. 

“Hey,” he said once he’d looked you over, his gaze locking on yours. “You’re OK. Take a deep breath for me, you’re OK, I’ve got you, you’re OK…” 

You realized then that your breaths were coming in short, harsh gasps, that your whole body was shaking. Joel pulled off a glove and took your face almost harshly in his hand. 

“Look at me,” he said, giving you a rough shake as he did. “Just me. Infected are gone, there were just six of them and I got ‘em all. You’re OK, not bit. Neither am I. It’s OK. Just you and me. I’ve got you, just focus on me.” 

You nodded in his grip, tears stinging your eyes, but you couldn’t seem to calm your breathing down. You just weren’t getting enough air and your body couldn’t calm down enough to slow your breaths. Your head spun and your bound hands found Joel’s bicep, fingertips digging into the muscle and the thickness of his coat. Something made a nearby bush rustle and your eyes darted, wide and frantic, not able to turn your head in Joel’s grip. 

“Hey!” His voice was sharper, your eyes shooting to him again, afraid you’d pissed him off now. But he didn’t look mad, he looked worried. His eyes were still wide and they were warm and you had the passing thought that, maybe, dying wouldn’t be as bad if you got to look in those eyes when you went. “There you go, keep lookin’ at me, I’ve got you.” The hand that wasn’t clutched onto your head, fingertips clutching into your hair and skull, went to your chest. His palm pressed over your breasts, near your sternum, fingers splaying wide over your skin. “Gonna get you to breathe deep, just stick with me, OK? Out first…” He pressed down with firm, even pressure and you emptied your lungs. Just as your panic was going to kick into high gear, his hand relaxed. “And in, pull that air down low, OK? Focus on it, focus on me, follow my hand with your chest, you’re OK.” 

You did your best to obey, pulling air into you and trying desperately to fill the empty spaces inside yourself, your chest chasing the heat of his callused palm. 

“Out now,” he said, his voice so calm, adding pressure to his hand again and pushing the air from your lungs until they were empty. “Good, doing good, in this time.” 

You nodded and breathed deep, chasing his palm, and started feeling calmer then. Your heart wasn’t beating quite so fast, the feeling that you were suffocating inside your skin fading. 

“Feeling better?” He asked, his grip on you loosening. You just nodded. “Gonna help you sit up now…” He pulled you up, one of his large hands in the middle of your back, the other on your bound hands. “Take another deep breath for me.” 

You obeyed and he carefully guided you so that your back was against a tree. 

“Catch your breath,” he said. “We’ll take a few minutes, then move on. This time of year, shouldn’t be a much infected around here. Don’t think we’ve got more comin’.” 

You nodded and breathed slow and deep, closing your eyes, concentrating on the prickle of the cold air in your lungs and then the warm fog of it rising in front of you. 

“Think you’re ready to move?” Joel asked after a few minutes. You opened your eyes. He was still there, right next to you, watching you closely with those soft brown eyes. 

“Yeah,” you said, voice shaky. “I’m… I’ve never been that close to one before, I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have panicked…” 

“S’OK,” Joel said. “They’re… well, they’re fuckin’ scary. It’s alright.” 

You watched him for a moment and frowned a little. 

“Why are you being so nice to me?” You asked quietly. 

His brows knitted together, frowning back. 

“Only as mean as you make me be, little girl. Never wanted to hurt you. Just wanted to keep you and I’ll be as mean as I need to keep you.” 

He stood up and took your elbow, pulling you to your feet. 

“Should get moving,” he said. “Got a miles to go yet and we don’t know what we’re walking into when we get there. Let’s go.” 

You stayed close to Joel the rest of the hike, never going more than a minute or two without looking back over your shoulder to make sure he was still close even though you could hear him at your back. 

It was nightfall when you reached the cabin that Joel had mentioned. The setting was idyllic, you could see why he’d want to set up long term. There were no obvious paths leading to the cabin that you could see, Joel routing you off an apparent dead end to the trail around through the brush and over a stream to get to it. The land around it was dense with trees to the point that it was hard to even see the cabin until you were at the right angle. The woodpile on the front porch was low and the windows were dark. Joel tucked you into a bush at the edge of the clearing made for what had once been a drive for the cabin. 

“Stay put,” he said. “Don’t make me run you down.” 

He didn’t wait for a response. Instead, he crept closer to the cabin, moving slowly and quietly up to the front door with his gun at the ready. He checked something at the hinge of the door and relaxed a little when he did, slinging his rifle onto his back and coming back for you in the brush. 

“No one’s been here since we left in April,” he said, helping you through the rougher parts of the ground. “Should be safe. Left some firewood last time, enough to last us a few days at least…” 

“We can have a fire?” Your face lit up. 

Joel smiled a little. 

“We can have a fire,” he said. “Can’t let you fuckin’ freeze to death, you’re useless if you’re dead.” 

“Or frostbitten,” you said. “Also useless if I’m frostbitten.” You could almost hear him roll his eyes. 

Joel built a fire and you sat in front of it, warming your hands at the flames and luxuriating in the heat as he went about setting up other parts of the cabin. You just checked to make sure you knew where he was every minute or two, being far from him making your stomach churn and your thoughts race. If Joel was far away, anything could happen and you’d be helpless to stop it. Without Joel, you’d be one of those things by now. Without Joel, you weren’t safe. 

It was a ludicrous thought, some part of you knew that. He was the reason you were out here to begin with. He was the reason you were so spectacularly useless in a fight right now (not that you’d ever been particularly good at brawling.) 

But he had protected you like no one else had. He’d protected you from Vince’s threats when you’d run away and he had every reason to just let the other man kill you. He’d put himself between you and half a dozen infected when he could have just let them have you while he picked them off. He took care of you, he looked out for you. You wouldn’t need nearly as much of either if he’d just left you with Zach but Zach had been fine trading you away to protect himself. Who knows how long you’d have lasted with him. And, while your survival skills were fine before the apocalypse, they were the kind that let you survive in the wilderness for a few weeks. They weren’t the kind that taught you how to fight monsters both human and inhuman. Joel might have literally tied you down but him and Tommy were the safest you could imagine being right now. 

The thought made you dig your nails into your palms and you tried not to focus on it as you stared at the flames as they chewed at the wood in the fireplace. But you weren’t able to ignore it for long, not when you realized you hadn’t heard or seen Joel in several minutes. 

“Joel?” You asked the darkness of the cabin. There was no response. 

You got up and crept toward the back of the structure, toward the rooms you hadn’t been in yet. But you couldn’t bring yourself to open any of the doors. 

“Joel?” You whispered. You gave him a second to reply and then headed for the front door. 

Night had fully fallen and you could only see what was illuminated by the glow of the fire through the window, the tree cover too dense to let in much light from the moon. Did you dare leave the porch? You weren’t trying to run away but Joel didn’t know that. One of the exceptions to the “not going to kill you” thing was you running. But what if he got hurt? What if infected showed up at the cabin? 

What if you were alone? 

“Joel?” 

“Thought you were cold?” His voice appeared from the side of the porch, making you jump. He walked around to the steps, water bottles in hand. 

“You were gone a while,” you said, indignant. 

Joel scoffed. 

“I was gone all of five minutes.” 

“It was longer than that.” 

“Well, I had to clear out the water pump, hadn’t been used in a bit,” he said. “Got it goin’ good, well’s still set…” He trailed off and considered you for a second, brows raised. “Were you worried, little girl?” 

It was your turn to scoff.

“No,” you rolled your eyes and looked toward the glow of the fire inside. “I just…” 

“You were worried,” he smirked. “Don’t worry, not gonna let the monsters get ya. Head inside.” 

“Only monster I’m worried about here is you,” you snapped. You regretted it almost as soon as you said it. Joel’s cocky smile sank enough that the dimple on his cheek disappeared and some of the softness left his eyes. 

“Get inside,” he said. “Before I give you somethin’ to worry about.” 

You sat by the fire, trying to check on what Joel was doing without showing that you were watching him. Eventually, he came and grabbed your elbow, pulling you sharply to your feet with a small yelp. 

“We’ll figure out sleeping arrangements once Tommy and Vince get here,” he said. “For now, we’re bunking together. Don’t trust you to behave otherwise.” 

He didn’t give you a chance to argue as he dragged you along behind him to one of the back rooms you’d been too afraid to open before. There was a king bed inside, made up with plush looking blankets and sheets. Joel helped you get your boots off but otherwise, you climbed in bed fully clothed on the side away from the door. He lay down, his back to you. You were pretty sure his arms were crossed and his back look tense. 

“Joel?” You said softly. 

“Hm.” 

“When they get here,” you said, still whispering even though there was no one else to hear you. “Please don’t make me sleep with Vince. Please. I’ll do whatever you want but…” 

“Not gonna make you share with him,” he cut you off, looking back over his shoulder toward you for a moment before looking straight ahead again. “It’ll be me or Tommy, not him.” 

“OK.” 

You were quiet for a few minutes but you were pretty sure Joel was still awake when you spoke again. 

“Joel?” 

He sighed. 

“Hm.” 

“Can I sleep closer?” You asked softly. He half rolled to try to look at you in the dark. “I just… I’m cold. You’re warm.” 

He sighed again but rolled onto his back and held his arm out. 

“C’mere.” 

You scooted closer until your head was against his chest and he put his arm loosely around you. You took a deep breath and sighed contentedly, not able to help it. 

“Surprised you’d want to be this close to a monster,” he said. He meant it to be wry, you could tell that, but there was a twinge on the last word that gave him away. 

“Well,” you said, adjusting your tied wrists as best you could. “Maybe… Monsters aren’t all bad. And some are warm. So.” 

He sighed. 

“Go to sleep.” 

Just as you were about to drift off, you felt his arm tighten around your shoulders, pulling you in closer. 

Tommy and Vince made it the next day with more supplies than they’d left the last place with. But, while Tommy had made it in one piece, Vince wasn’t so lucky. His arm had been dislocated and he’d taken a knife to the arm. Joel untied you and you needed Joel and Tommy’s help to position Vince to pop his arm back into place. You made him a sling and treated the wound on his arm, doing your best to keep it from getting infected before stitching it closed. 

You weren’t sure how bad the injury really was without the proper diagnostic tools but it seemed like Vince was making it out to be more than it was. You kept checking for signs of infection because he seemed to be constant pain, enough that Tommy and Joel were doing the bulk of the work to set up the cabin to ride out the winter. You helped where you could but Joel insisted on binding your hands again once Vince was patched up and you’d gotten cleaned up from the trip, so your skills were limited. 

The four of you had been at the cabin for more than a week when you noticed a shift. You still weren’t party to the discussions the men had, the three of them sending you behind closed doors while they conducted business, but you were certain that Joel and Tommy were getting ready to leave again. 

When you went to bed with Tommy that night, he confirmed your suspicions and your stomach dropped. 

“Can I come?” You asked. He looked at you for a moment, brows raised. “I won’t be much good at patching you up from afar…” 

“Hard to travel with you when we gotta keep you tied up,” he said, going back to gathering extra socks. 

“I’ll be good,” you said quickly. “I’ll do whatever you want, just bring me…” 

“Why do you want to come along so bad, Rabbit?” He asked. “Didn’t think you’d much want to be there when we raid groups…” 

“I don’t care,” you said quickly, even though the thought of watching them kill someone the way they’d killed Zach made your stomach turn. “I’ll behave, just don’t leave me here with…” 

Tommy’s head whipped around, his eyes narrowed. 

“Vince do somethin’ to you?” He asked. “He say something?” 

“No,” you shook your head, clenching your jaw. “Well, nothing big but I just… I have a bad feeling about him. I don’t trust him.” 

“And you trust me and Joel?” He asked, skeptical. 

“Not really,” you replied. “But… more than him.” 

“He knows not to touch you,” Tommy said. “We’ll only be gone a few days, week at most. We know a place only about a day from here where we can reliably find what we need. Shouldn’t take too long…” 

Your eyes went wide. A week. A week with just Vince. That was so much longer than you’d realized it would be. How were you supposed to avoid him for a week? 

“Can’t you stay and Joel goes with Vince?” You pleaded. “Or you and Vince go and leave Joel here? Just…” 

“Can’t,” Tommy said. “He’s still hurt and we’re low on supplies, we need to go now and we can’t risk bringin’ him. You really that afraid of him?” 

You tightened your jaw for a moment before nodding once. 

Tommy sighed. 

“Well, he’s hurt. Don’t think he’s gonna do much to you when he can’t use one arm. You’ll be OK. Next run we’ll figure out somethin’ else, OK?” 

You dug your nails into your palms. 

“Yeah,” you said. “OK.” 

Joel and Tommy left the next morning. You stood on the porch and watched their path long after they’d made it out of sight before sighing and going back inside. 

“Just you and me now,” he smirked from his position on the couch. “You’re going to be a good girl for me, aren’t you?” 

 You didn’t answer. You just looked at him for a moment before heading back to the room you stayed in every night with Joel or Tommy and curled up in the middle of the big bed, the binds on your wrists feeling worse than they had in weeks. 

For the first two days, it was fine. Mostly. You generally avoided Vince, the man humming Run Rabbit anytime you were within earshot, making your whole body tense. Instead, you were just hanging out in the bedroom and sleeping or reading or just staring at the grain of the wood walls wondering if this was just what your life would be now. What if something happened and Joel and Tommy didn’t come back? What if Vince just left you here, tied up, forever? 

What if you were alone? 

The third day, you started getting suspicious of Vince’s claimed injury. Given what you knew, he should be doing much better at this point but he’d kept claiming he was in too much pain to even use his arm. It wasn’t impossible, of course, and it was hard to see what kind of intervention he would need in a cabin without the proper tools, so you were hoping that more time did the trick. But when you emerged from the bedroom that afternoon to use the bathroom, you found him in the kitchen, both arms stretched to reach something on a top shelf. You frowned and stood there, waiting for him to notice you. When he turned around, he jumped before smirking, putting his arm back in its sling. 

“Aren’t you a sneaky thing?” He asked, prowling over and standing just inches away from you. “See something you like?” 

“Arm looks like it’s doing better,” you replied, nodding to it. “Want me to look it over?” 

“Still hurts like a bitch,” he replied. “Just needed two hands so I lived with it for a minute. That OK with you, Florence Nightingale?” 

You shrugged. 

“Doesn’t matter to me if you fuck up your arm,” you replied. “Be my guest.” 

You ducked around him to go to the outhouse but his hand closed around your arm, yanking you back into him with a small yelp. 

“Think you’d be more invested,” he said, his face close to yours. “Only useful as because you can patch people up. Think the Millers will be so keen to keep you around if you can’t even do that right?” 

“Right,” you said. “Maybe I should be worse at it so they let me go.” 

“You really think they’d let you go?” He laughed. “You stupid girl. They’d kill you. Not gonna just let you wander around knowing where they like to hide out and what they have. You stop being useful, you’re dead. Just hope they let me have some fun with you first.” 

You wanted to throw Joel’s words back in his face, that he said he wasn’t going to kill you, not unless you made him. But you weren’t sure how much you could trust any of it. It felt like you could believe what Joel told you but he was keeping you tied up in a cabin in the woods. How much could you trust anything he said? 

Instead, you just pulled your arm away.

“I have to pee.” 

He laughed once. 

“Don’t go far,” he said. “Hate to have to run you down out there…” 

He started humming Run Rabbit again. 

The next afternoon, you knew he was lying about the arm. 

You emerged from the bedroom to find something to eat and found him sitting at the small table, bag of jerky and a bottle of whiskey in front of him, sling hanging off the back of the chair. 

“Good to see my medicinal skills are up to snuff,” you said derisively, going for the cabinet you knew held the jerky. “Guess I’ll live to bother you another day.” 

“Know what?” He snapped, shoving back from the table and stomping over to you, closing the gap between you in just two steps. “Think I’m getting tired of your smart fucking mouth…” 

You realized suddenly just how big Vince was. He was shorter than Joel so you didn’t notice it most of the time but, when he had you pressed back against the counter as you shrank back from him, you were suddenly very aware that he was large, more broad than he was expressly tall. Definitely big enough to do serious damage if he set his mind to it. His hand whipped forward and latched onto your jaw, his fingertips digging into your cheek, grip so tight you were worried he was going to dislocate it. 

“Sorry,” you said quickly. “I’m sorry, I’ll…” 

“Think I’m about done dealing with your shit,” he growled, the smell of liquor harsh on his breath. “Think it’s about time I got my due.” 

He pulled you around, hand still on your jaw, and shoved you back, making you stumble over a chair. You scrambled back from him, looking quickly back over your shoulder, trying desperately to keep from falling. 

“You don’t want to do this,” you said, looking back to him. “You really don’t want to piss off Joel and Tommy like that, please…” 

He laughed once, darkly. 

“You think they want you to themselves that bad?” He asked, prowling closer. “Nah, I don’t think they’ll much care. Besides, maybe I’ll just have my fun with you then kill you. Tell ‘em you took off. You already tried it once…” 

“No,” you shook your head, trying to ignore how your throat clenched tight as he drew near. “No, you don’t…” 

“Think I do,” he said as you backed into the couch. He was only about a foot away from you. Your eyes darted toward the door and you made the call, ducking below his groping arm and running for it. 

He grabbed at you but you dodged it, all but ripping the door off its hinges as you ran out into the cold afternoon air. Dusk was on the horizon and you were going to be stuck running from him in the dark with your hands tied but it was better than the alternative. 

You heard the gunshot a split second before you felt it, the force of the bullet sending you sprawling forward as you screamed in pain. There was a second of shock, of disbelief, as you lay face down in the dirt. You felt the warm wetness of your blood before you felt the sharp pain of a hole being blown through your body. You rolled onto your uninjured side and tried to assess it as best you could, not really able to reach the wound because of how your hands were tied. It was on the right side of your body, so far to the side that you thought it might have missed most major organs and just caught skin and muscle and fat. But you couldn’t be sure. 

You tried to shove yourself up, side screaming in pain, the wound pulling, the muscle ragged, but Vince was on you too fast. He shoved you onto your back and kicked your legs apart before kneeling between them.

“No!” You shrieked, trying to scramble back from him but he grabbed you harshly at your waist, his fingers digging into your open wound and making you scream in pain. 

“You’re mine now,” he panted over you. “This’ll be a lot easier on you if you just cooperate…” 

You tried to shove him back but couldn’t get leverage, not with your hands bound. A strangled sob slipped from you as you tried to wrest yourself away but it didn’t work, Vince just slamming you down into the dirt before punching you across the face. The blow made your brain rattle in your skull and you lay there, blinking in shock for a moment as he started to fumble with your pants. 

“Help!” You screamed, voice thick and wet. “Joel, Tommy!” 

“Shut up,” he seethed over you, trying to force your pants down over your hips. You ignored him, still screaming, legs kicking uselessly. He punched you again and you went still and quiet, head swimming. “Shut up you stupid fuckin’ girl. Take what I give you and you’ll fuckin’ like it.” 

“Joel!” You shrieked. “Tommy!” 

It was desperate, you knew that. They said they’d be gone close to a week, it had just been days. This was it.

Vince’s hand latched around your throat, shoving you down into the earth. You tried to breathe around his fingers but you couldn’t manage it, his grip too tight. You clawed at his arms with your tied hands and tried to gulp in air, your vision starting to fade. 

“Told you you should’ve cooperated,” he panted over you. “Should’ve fuckin’ listened…” 

You could hardly see his face over you anymore, the world seeming far away, when the weight of him disappeared and you could breathe.

***

Tommy wasn’t thrilled about leaving you behind. 

He hadn’t been thrilled about it before you talked to him. He’d been trusting Vince less and less over the last few weeks. He’d never been Tommy’s favorite person but he had decent enough skills, generally listened when Joel told him what to do and it was helpful to always outnumber pairs when hunting. 

But ever since they’d taken you, Tommy was questioning whether keeping him around was smart. 

Of course, he’d been conflicted about taking you from the beginning. He hadn’t gotten into this to take fucking captives, he’d gotten into this because it seemed like the only way to stay alive was to take. There wasn’t enough to go around so some people were going to have to go without. That’s just the way it worked. He just wanted to make sure the people going without weren’t him and Joel. 

Survival of the fittest, after all. 

But he understood why Joel had taken you. You had valuable skills, valuable enough that you were worth feeding and monitoring. It was worth it to go outside the norm for you. Even though he hated keeping you tied up. But he figured he’d wear Joel down on that eventually. 

He didn’t like leaving you behind like this before you’d talked to him about Vince and all but begged him to bring you along. You had to really distrust Vince to want to come on a hunt like this. It made him uneasy. 

So he was relieved when he and Joel had stumbled upon a small group of men traveling just two days after they’d left the cabin. It was a good haul, enough to set them up for a few months and get them through a stretch of winter. They’d need to head out again at some point - or just hunt and trap animals near the cabin if it looked like the ammo, fuel and battery supply would hold out - but they had some security for a while. 

“I really think she’s gonna like some of what we got,” Tommy said as they were getting close to the cabin again. “Think the books are up her alley and they had medical supplies. Legit ones. That’ll make her happy.” 

“Can’t get too attached,” Joel said, not for the first time. Tommy rolled his eyes. Joel glanced over at him. “I’m serious. It’s a risk. You’re gettin’ too involved with her and can’t afford you making stupid fuckin’ choices because you’re worried about her. She’s with us to make sure you keep breathing, not to be your fuckin’ friend.” 

“Here to keep you breathing, too, right?” Tommy asked. 

Joel was quiet for a moment. 

“Right?” He said again.

“Sure,” Joel said. “Right.” 

Tommy clenched his jaw but stared straight ahead. 

He wasn’t sure if his brother was cautioning him because he was worried about Tommy or because he was worried about himself. 

Tommy wasn’t a fucking idiot. He saw what was happening with Joel. He’d been there when Sarah died, saw the pain in his brother’s face as he held his daughter’s broken body. He’d clung to her until she went cold, on the ground where she’d died at first and then for hours as they tried to find a way out of Austin and away from the carnage of the outbreak. He carried her body until he couldn’t anymore, dropping to his knees on the east side of town with smoke in the distance. 

Tommy had tried to find a way to bury her, even just a shallow grave, but infected put a stop to that. Tommy had to drag Joel away, screaming and fighting him the whole way. 

He put a gun to his head that afternoon. It was a miracle he survived but, sometimes, Tommy wasn’t sure he really had. The Joel he knew, the Joel who he’d grown up with, the Joel who’d damn near raised him during his teenage years as their mother’s health declined, the Joel who lived for his daughter had died with her. In his place was the man he was now. Harsher, colder, and more like Tommy when he got mad than Tommy was really proud of. 

But things had shifted with you. He’d bought Joel’s reasoning at first and, in hindsight, he thought it was because Joel believed it himself then. That you were too valuable to just let go, that you wouldn’t survive long on your own so keeping you was a kindness. 

Now, though, Joel was attached. Tommy could see it, even if Joel couldn’t. He’d first noticed on a morning where Joel had been the one in bed with you. Tommy pulled a shirt on, you curled in on yourself in that way you did, and he caught Joel tucking the blankets in around your sleeping form. Tommy raised his brows at him and he just frowned. 

“S’cold,” he said softly before ducking around Tommy and leaving the room. 

It was the first sign he’d seen of Joel caring about anything outside of Tommy since Sarah died. 

After that, it was obvious. He wasn’t sure how he’d missed it before but, the second he knew to look for it, he saw signs of Joel caring everywhere. He stopped Vince from finishing the jerky he knew you liked best and set it aside for you. He made fires on nights Tommy knew he wouldn’t bother otherwise because you got cold. He saw you struggling to tie your boots with your bound hands and brushed your hands aside, kneeling at your feet to tie them for you. You complained the whole time, said that you were perfectly capable of tying your shoes if he’d just untie you. Joel just rolled his eyes, tucking your laces behind the tongue of the boot before getting to his feet again. 

“You know,” Tommy said. “May not be the worst thing. Getting attached.” 

Joel just huffed. 

“Just mean, life’s better when you’ve got something to care about, right?” Tommy pressed on. “What’s the point of fightin’ this hard if you don’t?” 

“Care about you,” Joel shrugged. “Seems like plenty to me. Just… Keep going for family.” 

Tommy was quiet for a moment. 

“She could be family,” he said, glancing Joel’s way. 

Before Joel had a chance to object, the sound of your scream cut through the cold air. Tommy looked at Joel for barely a second before the men were running, shoving brush aside and leaping over obstacles as they went. 

“Joel! Tommy!” 

Tommy wasn’t sure where he found the energy after days on the road but he pushed himself faster at the sound of your voice. You were so afraid it sent a chill up his spine. It had to be infected, he couldn’t think of what else would inspire that kind of terror. 

He broke through the tree line before Joel and it took him a moment to realize where you were, Vince on top of you on the ground. Tommy didn’t stop to think. He was hurting you, he was a threat, he needed to pay. Tommy tackled Vince, catching him completely off guard and rolling away from you. They landed with Vince on top but he was disoriented and Tommy quickly threw him to the ground before jumping on him, forcing his knee into the other man’s chest before punching him, hard, across the face again and again. 

Vince scrambled, throwing his arms up, trying to protect his head from Tommy’s blows but it didn’t matter. He grabbed one arm and broke it, feeling the bones snap under his fingers. 

“Tommy!” Vince sobbed. “Fuck, please! I can explain!” 

“No,” Tommy shook his head, his fist raised. “Warned you, motherfucker. Shouldn’t have touched her.” 

He ripped Vince’s unbroken arm away and started punching him again and again, the sick sense of satisfaction that took hold when he solved problems this way settling over him. There was something about using his body, taking control with force, that brought him a sense of peace. He knew what was coming next. He knew it could be the right thing, that he could protect who needed protecting, because he’d set the rules. 

After what felt like no time at all, Vince was still below his fist, his face a mass of blood and displaced cartilage. He wasn’t breathing. Tommy panted, staring down at him for a moment. It seemed like he should feel bad for this, somehow. He’d lived alongside this man, survived the end of the world with him, for more than half a year. He should feel some sense of guilt or loss at killing him. But he didn’t. He only felt justified and a twisted sense of pride at the fact that he’d protected you, even if that meant killing for it. 

For a moment, he was relieved, the knot in his stomach that had been there since he’d left with Joel days earlier easing. 

Then, he heard it. 

“Tommy!” 

His blood went cold. Joel’s voice was pleading and desperate. He’d heard him like this once before, just once.

“Tommy, help me!” 

He left Vince on the ground and ran to Joel. You were in his arms, staring down at your stomach, your breaths coming in shallow, pained paints. Joel had cut your ties, at least, and your hands were braced against him, your nails digging into him. There was red blossoming over you and Tommy stopped dead in his tracks. 

“No,” he breathed. 

Joel shook his head. 

“Gotta help me,” he said. “I can’t… You gotta help me, please, Tommy. Please.” 

You made a pained sound and winced, your whole face drawing tight in pain. 

“I know,” Joel said, looking back down at you, tightening his hold on you. “I know, I know, it hurts, it’s gonna be OK, I’ve got you, it’s OK…” 

“It’s not too bad,” you said, your voice pained. “Just… I think it missed the major stuff and I think the bullet went straight through, just have to get the bleeding under control and stop infection, that’s all, I just need…” 

Your voice broke off and you panted, the agony clear on your face. 

“It’s OK,” Joel said, clutching onto you as Tommy seemed to find control of his body again. “It’s OK, just tell us what to do, we’ve got you, it’s OK…” 

“Need towels,” you winced. “Gauze. Alcohol to flush it… don’t think the water here would be good, even if we boiled it…” 

“Got it,” Tommy said, running to the cabin and finding the collection of towels in one of the cabinets, gauze from your medical supplies, the highest proof liquor he could find in the stash at the house and ran back out to you. 

“Have to get this out of the way,” you said, unbuttoning your shirt and shrugging out of it on your injured side, hissing in pain as you did. You gritted your teeth and spoke again. “Need one of the towels, put it on the wound - both sides since I think the bullet went through - and hold pressure. It needs to be a lot of pressure, have to stop the bleeding. It’s going to look like it hurts but that’s OK…” 

Joel and Tommy maneuvered the towel around your wound and clamped down and you gasped in pain, one hand flying to Tommy’s shoulder, your fingers twisting in his shirt. 

“I know, I know,” Joel sounded pained, too. “I know it hurts. It’s OK, you’re gonna be OK…” 

You just nodded, staring up at him with wide eyes as you struggled to breathe through the pain. 

Tommy tried not to think about the night more than a year ago when Joel had said the same things to his daughter as she bled out in his arms. He tried not to think about whether or not Joel could survive that happening again, especially so soon to the first person he’d shown any kind of care for since then. He tried not to think about whether or not he could survive it, either. 

You, at least, stayed conscious and knew how to walk them through patching you up. This time when Joel got up from the bloodstained ground with a body in his arms, it was still breathing. 

He carried you, delicately, into the cabin, your head on his shoulder and your eyes closed. They cleaned you up as best they could before Joel tucked you into bed, setting you on your uninjured side and pulling the blankets up around you. You flinched in your sleep and Joel brushed your hair back from your face, thumb tracing your cheekbone. 

“C’mon,” Tommy whispered, jerking his head toward the door. “Should give her space.” 

Joel nodded and followed Tommy to the kitchen. 

“Drink?” Tommy asked, going for the cupboard with the liquor. Joel just nodded. Tommy poured them each a sizable glass before sitting across from him at the table. Joel took the cup but didn’t drink it. Instead, he set it on the table and turned it in his fingers, his jaw tight. 

“You OK?” He asked eventually. 

Joel sighed, staring at the liquor for another moment before meeting his brother’s eyes. 

“I thought it was gonna be like her,” he said quietly. “She was bleeding like she was and in pain like she was and I thought…” his voice broke. “I can’t watch someone else I…” 

He shook his head. 

“Someone else you what?” Tommy asked when Joel was quiet for too long. 

“Someone else I care about die like that,” he said, not looking at him. 

Tommy nodded slowly. 

“‘Bout time you figured it out,” he said. 

Joel glared at him. 

“Told you, attachment is dangerous. Saw why tonight, if I weren’t fuckin’ attached to her then…” 

“Then you’d have let him rape her?” Tommy asked. “Kill her?”

“No,” Joel snapped and then sighed. “But.. I wouldn’t have been afraid. I… I was so afraid, Tommy. I haven’t been afraid like that since… I can’t do that again. I can’t.” 

“You think I can?” Tommy asked, brows raised. “Jesus, Joel. You think I wasn’t fuckin’ terrified tonight? Think I broke a bone in my damn hand taking it out on that fuck…” 

Joel sighed. 

“Should let her go,” he stared out the window. “See if we can’t find a way to get her to a QZ or something…” 

“Yeah, because those are so damn great,” Tommy scoffed. 

“S’not safe out here,” Joel snapped. “And if we suddenly care about saving her, that puts us at risk…” 

“Don’t you think she’s worth a little risk?” Tommy asked. “You really think you’re gonna be satisfied with just me for the rest of your life? Because, no offense brother, I’m not exactly thrilled with the idea of having just your ugly mug around for the rest of my days.”

“She doesn’t want to be here,” Joel said. “Remember that? The fact that she’s been literally tied to us? You really want someone who you’re forcing to be there?” 

“Doesn’t have to stay that way,” Tommy said. “Lot’s happened…” 

There was a creak and Tommy looked up, over Joel’s shoulder to see you emerging from the bedroom, a pained look on your face. 

“What are you doing up?” He asked, leaving his drink and heading for you. “Need to use the bathroom or…” 

You shook your head as Tommy took your hand and you leaned against him, your body warm and soft. 

“He’s right,” Joel said, getting up, too. “You need to be resting…” 

“I know,” you nodded, wincing. “I know I do, but… I… I woke up alone and I just… it was like I could feel him there and I couldn’t calm down and… Could you sleep in the bed with me? Please? I think… I think if you’re there I’ll feel safe and…” 

“Course, little rabbit,” Tommy said gently. “Which one of us do you want?” 

His stomach clenched at that question. He wanted the answer to be him. He wouldn’t get in the way if it was Joel, of course, but he wanted to be your source of peace and safety. He wanted to be who you turned to when you needed someone. You looked up at him, your eyes wide. 

“Could it be both of you?” You asked sheepishly. “Please?” 

Tommy looked to Joel who looked baffled for a moment before he answered for the both of them. 

“Whatever you want,” he said. “C’mon, bed time.” 

The walk to the bedroom was slow and Joel and Tommy both helped you into the middle of the bed. Joel went to sleep at your back, Tommy at your front. 

“If we bump you or something and we hurt you, wake us up, OK?” Tommy said. You just nodded, curled up like a rabbit. He looked to Joel who just shrugged, the two of them climbing into bed with you. When Joel was in his place, you adjusted yourself back until you were pressed against him. Tommy lay down slowly, facing you and leaving as much space between you as he could. But you reached forward and tugged him closer, until his front was only a few inches from yours. Your smiled in the darkness. 

“Thank you,” you said softly, closing your eyes and relaxing. “This feels better.” 

“We’ve got you,” Joel said, his voice rough. “Take care of you.” 

Tommy wasn’t sure you heard him. He was pretty sure you were already asleep. 

***

Joel didn’t tie you up again. 

You were expecting him to, once you started becoming more mobile again. He didn’t mention it, didn’t even tell you to behave and not go running off. You weren’t sure if it was because he didn’t care if you left or he could tell that you weren’t going to try to escape them now. 

Things were different after Vince. Joel and Tommy had gone from being the best parts of a bad situation to the people you needed to feel safe. You had to ask them every night, for the first week, if they would sleep in the bed with you. They never said no, alternating between who was at your back and your front. You just liked being between their large, firm, warm bodies, enveloped by their heat and their strength. Nothing could hurt you when you were between them, nothing. That much you knew. 

The two men took care of you while you recovered. Joel kept the fire going in the living room and would carry you to it in the morning. Tommy read to you for a change and you drifted in and out of consciousness on the couch to the soothing timbre of his voice. They helped you change your bandages and brought you water and soothed you when you woke up afraid. 

It took a few weeks before Joel said he wanted to go hunting. 

“Animals,” he clarified when you tensed. “Not people.” 

“Can I come?” You asked quietly. Tommy was at your back that night, Joel at your front. Tommy held you a little tighter.

“Don’t know if you’re up for it quite yet,” Joel replied, brushing your hair back from your forehead. 

“I’m ready,” you said quickly. “I can keep up, I…” 

“Ain’t worried about you keepin’ up,” Joel said. “Worried about you gettin’ hurt. I’ll go…” 

He must have seen at least some sign of the disappointment on your face in the dark. He sighed.

“What, little girl?” 

“I don’t want to be here alone,” you said softly. “I know Vince is dead but…” 

“I’m staying behind, too,” Tommy said. “Not going to leave you by yourself.” 

“But…” 

You went quiet. 

“But what?” Joel asked. 

“But you shouldn’t be out there on your own, either,” you said quietly. “It’s safer if Tommy goes, too, and…” 

“Not doing anything very dangerous,” Joel said. “I’ll be back before you know it. It’s OK.” 

You nodded, even though you didn’t really believe him. 

He left the next day and you spent the whole damn day worrying. Tommy tried to distract you, playing poker and asking you to read to him, but your eyes kept going back to look at the door, waiting for Joel to walk through it and prove that he was alive and well. 

When he returned just after dusk that evening, you jumped up from your chair at the dining room table and flung yourself at him, your arms going around his neck as you pressed your body against his. 

“What’s all this about?” Joel laughed a little, catching you out of the air. 

“I was worried,” you said, voice muffled by his shirt. “I’m glad you’re home.” 

He was still for a moment before he held you close. 

“Me too.” 

That night, you made Joel sleep at your front and you pressed yourself against him, your leg hitching up over his hip. His breathing stuttered but you didn’t move. Tommy kept his distance at your back before you half turned, grabbing a fistful of his shirt and pulling him against your back. 

“Need you both,” you yawned, body finally relaxing after being tense all day. “Please, need to feel you both.” 

Tommy hesitantly enveloped you, curving his legs around yours, his arm gently going around your waist. You smiled, drifting off surrounded by the men who protected you. 

It shouldn’t have been a surprise when you started waking up feeling wet. 

The first time, you damn near panicked, Joel and Tommy still asleep around you. You couldn’t remember any dreams that would have made you react that way, it didn’t seem like something that happened just before you went to sleep. But you were wet. 

It wasn’t until Tommy pressed against you in the kitchen, reaching something on a shelf over your head, that you realized what it was. 

You were turned on by them. By Joel and Tommy both. They were large, they were strong, they were handsome. Their bodies were warm and firm when they held you at night and you started wondering what they’d taste like, what they’d feel like as they slipped inside of you and put all that wetness to use. 

But more than that, they were safe. For the first time since the apocalypse had really begun, you felt secure. Yes, they might have taken you against your will but they’d taken care of you the way no one else ever had. They were safe and good to you and handsome and strong. You wanted them. 

More than wanted. Needed. Needed to feel them closer, needed them inside of you. Needed them so close that no one could take you away from them. 

One night, about two months after the incident with Vince, snow was piling high outside. Joel and Tommy had spent the day chopping wood, making sure there was enough stashed to ride out a storm. The three of you sat down to dinner, pulling one of the last of the rabbits Joel had trapped a few weeks earlier from your makeshift freezer of snow outside and roasting it over the fire, knowing you’d be stuck with jerky for a while going forward. You had a glass of whiskey with them, not enough to get you drunk but just enough to loosen you up. Enough to make you focus more on what you wanted. Enough for you to forget exactly why what you wanted was probably a bad idea. 

Joel was at your front in bed that night, your ass pressed back against Tommy as your chest was pressed against Joel. 

“Think the snow is going to be too crazy?” You asked quietly as Tommy’s thumb traced your lowest rib. 

“We’ll dig out if it is,” Joel shrugged. “We’ve got enough supplies to last us ’til spring. Ain’t too worried.” 

“Just gonna have a lot of time to kill,” Tommy said. You could hear the smile in his voice. “Might actually read one of those books of yours, little rabbit, instead of listen to you read ‘em.” 

The cabin creaked in the wind and you pressed yourself closer to Joel, your hand going back to Tommy to pull him closer, too. You nuzzled into Joel’s chest, the hairs there tickling the tip of your nose, and breathed deep. Even at the end of the world, he smelled good. Rugged, with a hint of sweat, like the wood he’d chopped and smoke from the fire he’d built. You wanted to be closer to him. You wanted to feel him. You wanted - needed - to taste him. 

So you did. 

You brushed your lips against his chest and you felt his breath hitch as you kissed him there. You let your mouth linger on his skin before you pulled back ever so slightly and licked your lips, tasting the salt of him on your own skin with a small, needy moan. 

“Little girl,” he said, voice strained. 

“Yes?” You asked softly, looking up at him. 

“Don’t think you know what you’re doin’,” he said through clenched teeth. 

“Yes I do.” 

“You’re askin’ for trouble is what you’re doin’,” he said. “So why don’t you…” 

“I know what I want,” you whispered. 

“Yeah?” Joel asked. “And what’s that?” 

“You,” you said. You felt Tommy start to pull away from your back but you grabbed him and held him to you. “Both of you.” 

Tommy tensed behind you and you kept ahold of him so he wouldn’t pull away. 

“Please,” you breathed. “If you want me…” 

“Don’t gotta be worried about that,” Tommy said, a hand slipping around your waist and curling up toward your breasts. “But… well, we talked about it and…” 

His voice trailed off. 

“And what?” You frowned, looking between the two of them. 

“We decided that it’s best of neither of us act on that,” Joel said. “Too much risk of someone gettin’ hurt out here as it is, don’t need to add jealousy to the mix…” 

“Who said anything about jealousy?” You asked. “I want both of you. I want to feel and taste and experience both of you, please. Feels like I’ve wanted it so long it almost hurts, I promise I won’t ask you to choose between me and each other, I want you both, I want you both so bad and…” 

Your voice cracked, desperation both pathetic and obvious and you were having a hard time caring.

“Who are we to deny a lady what she wants?” Tommy asked quietly. 

Joel was quiet for a moment. 

“You sure about this?” He asked. 

“Think I can handle sharing,” Tommy said. “Worth the risk if I can get just a little bit of her…” 

Your heart fluttered at that. 

“Good,” Joel said, voice low and rough. “But wasn’t quite so worried about you, brother.” 

“I’m sure,” you said, damn near panting now. “Please…” 

“Then why don’t you be a good girl,” Joel said, adjusting so he could nudge you down onto your back. “And let us have you.” 

Joel started pulling at the buttons of your shirt, opening you up slowly to him as Tommy slid down your body to your panties. He pulled them down and opened your legs to him as Joel reached over to the nightstand and flicked on a flashlight, angling it away from the bed so there was just enough light to see each other by. 

“Fuck,” he said as he pulled your shirt fully open, exposing your bare chest to him. He reached one large, callused hand forward and cupped your breast, cradling the weight of it in his palm before curling a thumb over your nipple and brushing over you, making you moan. “So fuckin’ pretty. No idea how bad I wanted to see you like this…” 

“Even better here,” Tommy said from his place between your thighs. He ran his thumb over your slit, adding pressure when he reached your clit. You sucked in a breath in shock as you squirmed a little below him. “She’s got the prettiest damn pussy I’ve ever seen.” 

“Think she tastes as good as she looks?” Joel asked. 

“Gonna find out,” Tommy said, leaning forward, his tongue following the same path as his thumb had found just a moment earlier. He gently teased your clit with the tip of his tongue before pressing it between your lower lips, slipping down until he found your tight, wet hole. He dipped his tongue inside you there and he moaned, thrusting shallowly in and out as he toyed with your clit with his thumb. “Tastes so damn good, Joel. So fuckin’ good, like sunshine and honeysuckle and the best damn candy you ever tasted…” 

“Bet she does,” Joel said, bending and putting his lips on your bared breasts. He held you gently in his hands at first before he sucked your nipple gently into his mouth. He moaned with it and you did, too, as he sucked you for a moment trailing kisses to your other breast and doing the same there. Tommy watched, almost awed for a moment, before going back to your dripping heat. You moaned when his tongue slid inside you again, your back arching. You felt Joel smile against your chest. 

“Think she likes that,” he said. “Keep doin’ it.” 

“Planning on it,” Tommy panted from between your legs before diving back into you. His tongue spread you open as his fingers worked your clit and you rocked your hips against his face, any sense of shame you had long gone. 

Joel kissed up your chest to your throat, the brush of his lips and the scratch of his beard making you shiver and gush a little onto Tommy’s tongue as he ate you. He moaned as you did and Joel kissed up your jaw toward your lips but stopped just short of kissing you. You whimpered. 

“Not yet, little girl,” he breathed, reaching to cup your breast. “Want you to kiss him first, after you fuckin’ soak him with your come. Want to taste you on your tongue when I kiss you the first time. Think you can do that for me? Think you can come all over his fucking face?” 

You nodded, not fully able to form words. Tommy increased his pace and added a finger to where his tongue was working inside you, spreading you open wider, finding the soft places inside you to pet and press. 

“Doin’ so good for me,” Joel said, sounding a little breathless and needy. “So, so good for me. Want you to give into it, baby. Want you to give in to me n’him. Give in and come, give yourself to us, you can do it, come on baby, come on…” 

He pressed his lips to your throat just as Tommy added pressure to your clit and his finger was deep inside you and you started to come, crying out with the force of it as your walls fluttered around him. One of your hands flew to Joel’s thigh, digging into him with sharp desperation, while the other went to Tommy’s curls, twisting and tangling in them as you worked yourself against his face. 

“There she is,” Joel breathed and you opened your eyes to find him watching you intently, pupils blown and face lined with want. “Good girl, comin’ so hard for us. Just let it all go, baby. Give it all to us, we want all of you, all your pleasure, just give it all to us, come on…” 

Tommy ate you through your orgasm until you went limp. Tommy sat up, breathless, looking down at your exposed body for a moment before taking his place on the other side of you from Joel. Your half dazed eyes traced over his face and saw traces of your slick on his lips. 

“Here baby,” he said, gently cupping your face and tilting your head toward his. He pressed his mouth to yours and you weren’t sure where the taste of you ended and the taste of him began as his tongue swept into your mouth. After a moment, he pulled back ever so slightly, just enough to look in your eyes for a second before pressing his lips gently to yours once more. When he pulled back again, he just watched as Joel turned your head toward his and kissed you, too. 

It was soft and delicate at first but, as soon as his tongue pressed into your mouth, he became desperate, kissing you hard and deep, moaning as he did. Even though you just came, you could feel yourself getting hot and tight again. 

He pulled away eventually, looking across you to Tommy. 

“She does taste good,” He said. 

“Told you.” 

Joel laughed once before cupping your breast again, looking you up and down. 

“We overwhelmed you yet, little girl?” He asked. “Need us to stop so we don’t break you?” 

“No,” you panted, looking between them. “And… I think I’d be OK breaking for you.” 

“Fuck,” Tommy hissed, sliding a hand down your body to the apex of your thighs to just cup your pussy. “Think she can take both of us at once? Don’t think I can wait my turn…” 

“I bet she can,” Joel said, looking down at you. “You ever taken two cocks at once?” You swallowed hard and shook your head. “Think you can be our good girl and tell us if it gets to be too much?” You nodded. “Good.” 

Joel took you by the waist and pulled you tight to his front before he rolled onto his back, taking you with him with a sharp little squeak. You could feel the thick of his cock through his sweatpants and you ground yourself down on it, moaning as you did. Tommy got out of bed for a moment, just long enough to take his sweatpants and underwear off and leaving him naked in front of you. 

Your eyes went wide at his cock. Thick and long with just the right amount of curve, he worked just the head of himself, smirking a little at your expression. 

“Don’t worry,” he said. “Take real good care of you when we make it fit. Besides, not mine you gotta worry about.” 

Your eyes got wider, looking down in shock at Joel, who laughed. 

“We’ll make sure you’re good and ready, baby,” he said, pulling you up his body just enough that you were no longer half sitting on his cock. He reached low and shoved down his sweatpants before he kicked them off the rest of the way and you tried to get a look at it. 

Joel had another idea. 

“Here,” he nudged you so you were sitting up, your bare, dripping pussy on his stomach. “Get a feel for me, baby.” 

He lifted you just enough that, when he set you down again, your core was against the root of him. You gasped at the feel of him against you, so long and thick that it made your head spin. 

“Fuck,” you panted, your hands going to his chest as you started to grind down against his length. He groaned. 

“That’s it, baby,” he said. “Such a good girl, get me all nice and slick with you. Think you can make yourself come on my cock before I’m even inside you?” 

You just nodded, working your hips harder and faster against him. Joel moaned. 

“Good fucking girl,” he said, his large hands finding your thighs, fingertips sinking into the flesh of them. “Want you to suck his cock while you do. Gotta get him all wet to go in that little asshole of yours. Think you can do that for us?” 

You just nodded and sat up from Joel a little more as Tommy crawled toward you on the bed, working his dripping length as he did. Your mouth dropped open and you took him into it, sucking and licking his head before starting down the shaft, moving slow as you looked up at him through your eyelashes, relishing the look on his face before he dropped his head back and moaned in pleasure. You were doing this to him, you were bringing this strong, powerful man to his knees with just your mouth. 

“Holy shit you’re good at that,” Tommy moaned. “Fuck, fuck, fuck, gonna come down that pretty throat of yours if you’re not careful…” 

“Don’t push him too far, little girl,” Joel said, rocking his hips up into yours and making you gasp. “Want to take all of you, can’t wear him out too quick…” 

“Fuck, her mouth Joel, Jesus,” his fingers went to knot in your hair as he started fucking into your throat and you swallowed around him. “Fuck, you try not comin’ in her here…” 

“Save it,” Joel said, sounding a little close to the edge himself. “Imagine how good her ass is gonna feel…” 

“Oh fuck,” Tommy said, pulling you off his cock and panting for breath. Joel kept fucking his cock up against your pussy, the thickest part of him working your clit and making you moan, your second orgasm building. Tommy cupped your face, watching your desperation as you got close to coming from his brother’s cock. “Fuck, so damn pretty when she’s about to come. Work of fuckin’ art…” 

“Tell me about it,” Joel grunted, sounding almost pained. “Fuck, you think she’s close? Need inside her, can’t…” 

“Oh she’s close,” Tommy said as you whimpered, the ability to form words far behind you. “You like what he’s doin’ to you, little rabbit?” You nodded urgently. Tommy smiled. “Good, good. Want him to go a little faster? Just a bit?” You nodded again. 

“Fuck,” Joel panted, increasing his pace, pushing you closer and closer to your orgasm. He pulled back just far enough on one stroke that his head caught on your entrance and the tiniest bit of him slipped inside you for just a second but it was enough to set you off, every ounce of tight need that had built up inside you throbbing and pulsing over Joel’s heavy cock. “Jesus Christ… fuck, gotta feel so fuckin’ good to be inside her when she does that…” 

“She’s so good for us,” Tommy said, watching you intently, his eyes locked on yours. “Doin’ so good for us. Just gotta do that one more time when we’re inside you, OK baby? Think you can do that for us?” 

You felt on the verge of tears but nodded anyway, wanting nothing more than to feel them inside of you when you came. 

“Good girl,” Tommy breathed. “Now do me a favor, get my cock nice and wet one more time for me…” 

You obeyed, taking him in your mouth to the root and letting your mouth soak him. He moaned, holding the head of himself in your throat, before pulling from you slowly and gently. 

“Bend over for us,” Tommy said, helping you adjust so you were down against Joel’s chest with your ass back in the air. He moved to be behind you, his legs over Joel’s as your thighs were around Joel’s hips. He ran a thumb from your leaking center to your ass and let out a low moan. “Fuck, every goddamn inch of you… fuckin’ gorgeous.” 

“You OK if we try to get inside you?” Joel asked, his voice low and needy.

“Yes,” you managed. “Please, fuck, need you, need you both so bad…” 

“I know you do baby,” Joel said, a comforting hand coming to the middle of your back. “Gonna start with me in your pussy then Tommy’s gonna take your ass, gonna make you feel so fuckin’ full baby…” 

Joel adjusted you ever so slightly, reaching his free hand down to lift his cock and line it up with your entrance. There was some resistance, the thickness of him almost too much to take but he pushed past it until you felt his whole head pop into your hole. 

“Oh fuck,” he groaned. “Fuck, fuck… Need just a second, baby. Gonna come too quick if we go now just… fuck…” 

You just nodded against his chest as your body adjusted to the small part of his cock that you’d taken. 

“OK baby,” he panted. “Gonna give it all to you now.” 

He didn’t give you a chance to respond, he just thrust into you and you cried out with the almost brutal stretch of him pushing deep into you, your tight channel rippling over him. 

“Fuck,” Joel hissed, his fingers pressing into the bared skin of your back. 

“How’s she feel?” Tommy asked, sounding almost pained. 

“So goddamn tight,” Joel groaned. “Like she was fuckin’ built to take this cock, my GOD…” 

Joel’s hand slid down to your lower back and he put pressure there, holding you in place as his hips lowered so his cock was fully seated inside of you. You rocked your hips, desperate for just a little friction. 

“Fuck, so pretty,” Tommy said, his thumb going from your stretched opening up to your tight bud. “Need you to hold still for me, can’t get inside you if you move too much…” 

You nodded even though he couldn’t see it and stilled, the thick, heavy weight of Joel within you burning you from the inside out. You felt a warm drop of liquid on your ass and realized that Tommy was probably trying to lube you up with spit. His thumb worked gentle circles over your puckered ring of muscle. 

“Anyone ever been in this tight little hole?” He asked, almost reverently. 

“One guy,” you managed. “In college…” 

“You like it?” He asked. 

“Yeah,” you said, breath picking up at the thought of it. “Fuck, yeah, I did…” 

“Gonna make you love it baby,” he said. “Now just relax for me.” 

You did your best to obey but you were already stretched so tight there it was hard to imagine anything else fitting inside that half of your body. But you wanted it. Wanted to feel both of them deep within you, the three of you together. 

Tommy pressed his cock head to your hole and spit one more time before he started pushing in. You whimpered at it and Joel’s hand ran in a soothing pattern up and down your back, the tight ring of your ass holding firm. 

“C’mon, just let me in,” Tommy panted, pressing harder. “Just let me in, baby, make you feel so good when I do…” 

“Relax for us,” Joel said in your ear, so soft you doubted Tommy could hear. “This was what you wanted, right? For us to take you, make you ours? Can’t do that if you won’t let him in, little girl. Just let him in, let us have you…” 

Tommy’s cock pushed past the ring of muscle and he sank a few inches inside you with a strangled moan. 

“Holy shit,” he panted. “Fuck, never… never felt something this tight, Jesus Christ…” 

He pushed deeper, slowly, gently, and you pressed your face down into Joel’s warm, broad chest, moaning and needy. You’d never felt this full, never felt this stretched, never felt this overwhelmed. Never felt like you so totally, utterly belonged to anyone else.

“Almost inside you,” Tommy panted. “Fuck, doin’ so good for us. So so good…” 

Another minute and Tommy’s hips met the plush of your ass and he moaned, his fingers digging into your hips as he did. 

“Fuck, we’re inside you baby,” Tommy said, his head falling forward until it met the middle of your back. “So deep inside you, fuck…” 

“Taking both of us, baby,” Joel whispered, just for you. “Really ours now, gonna take such good care of you…” 

“I gotta move, Joel,” Tommy panted, sitting up again. “Fuck, I can’t… I gotta… fuck.” 

“We’re gonna fuck you now,” Joel said, loud enough that Tommy could hear him this time. “You just take us and come on our cocks like a good girl.” 

You nodded into Joel’s chest. 

Tommy started to move first, pulling back slowly before thrusting in harder and faster. When he thrust in, Joel slid out until just the head of him remained inside your channel. When he pushed back inside, Tommy pulled back again. The men set the pace, alternating in perfect rhythm so you were never empty, giving you the mind-blowing combination of almost constant friction with constant stretch. 

It didn’t take long before you started to tighten around them, their cocks working your holes in tandem, filling you and stretching you and claiming every inch of you. Joel had to push back inside with a grunt as your orgasm built, the tightness of your inner walls almost too much for him. 

“She’s gettin’ close,” Tommy panted. “Fuck, already tryin’ to milk my cock…” 

“Think we can get her there,” Joel said, breathless, thrusting somehow deeper than he’d been before, making you gasp. 

“Fuck, need to feel her come,” Tommy said, gripping your hips tighter and starting to fuck in and out of you faster. Joel followed suit, thrusting in deep and hard on his final stroke. 

“I’m… fuck,” you panted, your insides hot and coiled with pleasure so intense you could barely remember your own name. “I’m close, so close, want to come with you, please, want to come with both of you, please, please, please…” 

You kept whimpering and pleading, mind foggy, as Joel and Tommy picked up the pace, Joel’s arms wrapping tightly around you, holding you close and tight to his skin as his and Tommy’s orgasms built. 

“Gonna come,” Tommy said. “Fuck, gonna… I’m gonna…” 

“Please, please, please…” You sobbed and they both thrust deep inside at the same time, stretching you to your limit, both throbbing deep and hard, triggering your own orgasm, walls clenching onto them tight and rippling over them. 

“Did so good for us,” Joel whispered softly in your ear as your core fluttered around them, their cocks going still inside you. He held you close, one hand on your ribs, the other on the back of your head. “So fucking good for us…” 

“Thank you,” you whispered. “Thank you, thank you, thank you…” 

Your whole body went limp, nothing but an overwrought, dripping mess as Tommy slowly, gently, pulled himself out of you. You felt some of his come drip out after him but he scooped it with his finger and pushed it back inside, covering your tightening hole with his palm until it closed again. 

“Belongs inside you, baby,” he said softly. “Gotta keep it where it belongs…” 

He collapsed next to you and Joel and you whimpered at the loss of contact. You wanted - needed - to be touching both of them. Joel seemed to understand, rolling with you gently onto his side and nudging you back into Tommy. His arms went around you and held you as Joel pulled out of you, a trial of your come and his running between your thighs to his softening cock. He pressed close to you once he was outside your body again, his cock all warm and wet against your skin. 

“That what you needed, little girl?” Joel asked gently, tracing the outline of your face with his fingertips. You couldn’t keep your eyes open, letting them fall closed with a contented sigh and a nod. Joel’s lips brushed your forehead. “Good. Gotta take care of what’s ours.” 

A/N: Yeah so this will almost definitely be a longer series in the future but this is it for now! Sorry for the wait and for the fact that it's completely unhinged.

Hope you enjoyed! Thanks for being here! Love you!

Taglist: @pockcock

[straylightdream]

liquid courage

𝐟𝐞𝐚𝐭: han jisung x f.reader

↳ a late drunken night with friends leads to drunken confessions.

𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐝 𝐜𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐭: 1.5k

𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬: drinking, drunken kisses and confessions, friends to lovers. Smut warning below the cut.

𝐚𝐧: part of my skz series of unconnected stories that all take place “in the middle of the night”. Thank you @therhythmafterthesummer for helping pick a title for this story.

𝐟𝐞𝐞𝐝𝐛𝐚𝐜𝐤 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐫𝐞𝐛𝐥𝐨𝐠 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐭𝐚𝐠𝐬 𝐚𝐫𝐞 𝐠𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐭𝐥𝐲 𝐚𝐩𝐩𝐫𝐞𝐜𝐢𝐚𝐭𝐞 𝐰𝐡𝐞𝐧 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝 𝐨𝐧𝐞 𝐨𝐟 𝐦𝐲 𝐟𝐢𝐜𝐬.

𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬: drunken sex (both parties are consenting), unprotected intercourse, creampie

It’s late night well past midnight and your apartment you share with Minho is filled with your friends. Leaning against your kitchen counter you watch as an excited Jisung is telling Changbin a story and waving his arms around enthusiastically. You can’t help but shake your head as he almost knocks himself over twice. Reaching out you grab the beer the Jisung is holding. You know he’s going to spill his drink if he starts laughing, and you don’t want to be in charge of cleaning up the mess. Changbin finds it hilarious that you took his friend's beer.

“Hey,” Jisung pouts.

“You can have it back when you finish your story,” you shake your head.

He cocks his head to the side and goes back to telling his story. It’s not long before Changbin leaves you alone with your best friend. Stepping towards you he pulls you into his chest out of nowhere. You giggle as he holds you tight and sways side to side. He’s normal, quite touchy feely with you, but when he gets alcohol in him he can’t seem to keep his hands off you.

“Sungie what are you doing,” you can’t stop drunkenly giggling. The alcohol running through your system has you feeling warm and fuzzy.

“I’m dancing with you,” he pulls back and looks at you grinning. Reaching up pinch his soft cheek earning a smile from him.

“You can’t keep your hands off me can you?” He loves teasing you.

“Oh course I can’t keep my hands off you.”

“Hey love birds, drink some water,” Minho says walking into the kitchen. That isn’t the first time your friends have made a comment about you and Jisung and it probably wouldn’t be the last time either.

“Minho, are you jealous,” Jisung says with a laugh.

An unamused look plays across Minho's face as he knits his eyebrows together, “no because I would have had sex with her already and made my move by now.”

Minho’s comment leaves you shocked, you aren’t exactly sure what he means by that. It might have something to do with the fact you’ve probably drank too much. Or maybe because you and Jisung are always together. He walks out of the room without saying another word and leaves you standing there staring at your best friend. You know this is going to a make or break moment. You decide you’re going to be brave and lean forward crashing your lips into his. This kiss starts out timid for a short moment. It takes a moment before he’s kisses you right back, and reaches up tangling his fingers in your hair. Your first kiss is a sloppy one fueled by alcohol and building sexual tension. Your tongues slide against his as you fight for dominance. His fingers are still tangled in your hair. Your hands grip his shirt holding him close to you.

Pulling away you take a deep breath needing a moment to breathe. He’s looking at you a way you’ve never seen him look at you before. His eyes are hazy and filled with lust.

“Let’s go to my room,” you say, barely loud enough for him to hear.

Grabbing your hand he quickly leads you off to your room. He shuts the door locking it, you’re both aware that if you don’t lock it one of the boys will walk in.

Standing at the foot of the bed you stare at him, undressing him with your eyes. You’ve seen him shirtless before but you’re dying to know how he looks naked.

“You want this to happen?” he asked, finally speaking.

Silently you nod your head.

He pulls his shirt off and takes his sneakers and socks off. He’s left standing in front of you in only his jeans. The sight of his toned stomach and small waist is mouth watering to you. It’s taking everything in your not to walk over and lick his ab.

Following his lead you take off your shoes and remove your dress. You’re left standing in front of him in nothing but your bra and underwear. He takes a large step forward connecting his lips to yours for another heated kiss. Your lips move together and his strong hands run up and down your back. His hand stops at the clasp of your bra. He unhooks and pushes the straps down your arms. He pulls his lips away from yours and steps back taking in the sight of your body.

“You’re beautiful.”

It’s not long before he has you fully naked, and worked on removing his own clothes. He’s hovering over you kissing his way away across your chest. His hips rolled into yours and wrapped your legs around him. His thrust are quick and sloppy, but he’s hitting all the right places. It’s clear that you’re both very intoxicated as your noses bump together as he tries to kiss you. You can’t help but giggle.

“This is fun,” you say, causing him to smile.

“I hope it feels good too,” he says, thrusting into you over and over again. Even though you’ve drunk quite a bit you have wanted Jisung for so long and you’re so happy you can finally be with him.

“It feels amazing,” you moan, rubbing your fingers across his tone back.

He drops down to his elbows so he’s basically laying on top of you as his hips roll into yours. His lips on your neck leaving a trail of wet kisses. The room is soon filled with the sounds of your heavy breathing as you both come close to finding your release.

He pushes you over the edge first leaving you a moaning mess. He follows right after you, he lays on top of you for a long moment coming down from his high. He only rolls off you after realizing he’s squishing you. He lays next to you staring at you smiling. You know you should probably talk about things but neither of you are in any state of mind to talk.

“What time is it?” You ask curling up next to him.

He glances over the alarm clock on the nightstand. “It’s three in the morning.”

“Oh god it’s so late I can already feel the hangover coming.” Jisung has a huge smile on his face and pulls your body as close as possible to him.

“Can I stay here tonight?” He asked.

“Oh course.”

It’s not long before you’re both sound asleep curled up close to each other.

-

Bright lights shining through your curtains woke you up too early. The pounding in your head was also a sign that you drank too much the night before. The feeling of the bed dipping behind you reminded you that you weren't alone.

Rolling over you find a very naked Jisung lying down next to you. He looks as if he’s in the process of waking up. His big eyes are opened slightly, as he pushes his fluffy hair out of his eyes.

“Morning,” his voice is raspy as he finally speaks.

“Morning.”

Staring at him your eyes flash back to all the steamy moments you had shared together the night before.

Slowly he reaches out pushing a piece of hair behind your ear. A soft smile plays across his face. His fingers linger against your skin for a long moment.

Not even twenty-four hours ago you assumed that nothing would ever happen between you and your best friend. You’ve had a crush on him for as long as you could remember but you never thought that he would return your feelings. Last night was a drunken mess but you could still remember the fine details of your night with Jisung. He was just as drunk as you, but he was fully in control as he took you away from the party.

“How are you feeling?” he asks with his voice raspy from just waking up.

“Hungover,” you sigh.

He stares at you pausing for a long moment before asking, “do you remember last night?”

Slowly you nod your head, “I remember every moment that happened in this room.”

“So…” he says. Things between you suddenly feel awkward.

“Do you regret it?” you asked suddenly, feeling worried that he regretted everything that happened.

He sits up with his back resting against the headboard. He shakes his head quickly and says, “no I never would regret anything with you.”

You sit up so you’re sitting next to him with your back against the headboard. You pull your blanket up to cover your body so you’re not sitting there fully exposed.

“Okay that’s good because I’m glad something happened between us.”

A smile stretches across his face. He leans over and presses his lips to yours for a soft kiss. For being hungover you sure feel happy.

Regarding taglist:

If you aren’t interacting with my writing outside of liking the new post I’m gonna have to remove your name from the taglist. You will also be removed if I try to tag you and your blog is listed as "invisible". If you've changed your URL and didn't let me know I will also be removing your name. I’m sorry for the inconvenience but my interactions outside or likes feels like it’s nonexistent right now. All of my taglist are still open though. If you request to be added to one via this form, I kindly ask for interactions in the form and feedback and reblogs. To be quite honest, those really encourage my writing.

[spiegelgestalt]

I want you to want me (Part 1/3) - Privileged boy learns to consider other people's feelings

So here's the thing. I don't believe Jinshis communication issue is keeping his desires to himself. That boy if he wants something will make his desire known if you want it or not. He will chase you with his gaze, he will try to feed you honey, he will shower you with gifts, he will declare that he will marry you in front of everyone via symbolism anyone who isn't pretending to not get the hint would get the hint.

Jinshis real issue is recognizing boundaries, excepting them and not treat people like things. He actively has to fight the mindset that he just can do everything what he wants. And in the beginning no one his helping with this (sorry not even Gaoshun and Surei). This is an issue people with power/privilege often run into because the more power you have the less people will tell you no directly to your face. You have to intuit it.

Let me show you some of the development Jinshi goes through in LN 1 (consider this your spoiler warning also my hand slipped, this will be long and disorganized and will have a part two)

The hairpin scene

"This hurts Sir!" This time she didn't hide her displeasure. [...] "Does it? I give this to you"

The scene begins with Jinshis getting closer and closer to Mao Mao who for once isn't wearing her freckles. Gaoshun notes that he looks like a boy who's playing with his toys. Banter starts then Mao Mao tells Jinshi that she disguises her face because she doesn't want unwanted attention from men. She doesn't want to be raped, she doesn't want to be kidnapped, she wants to be left alone. Jinshi learns that Mao Mao isn't in the rear palace because her family sold her into it but because she was kidnapped and sold. But it wouldn't make a difference to her either way. This does something to him because he has to consider for the first time that Mao Mao isn't in the Rear Place because of her own choice. She's unfree and that makes him feel bad. So how does he react to that revelation? He doesn't ask what she needs or wants he just stabs (HA! I'm so funny) her with his own desire to protect her and leaves it at that. And thing is, giving Mao Mao the hairpin is a nice thing to do - the hairpin is basically Mao Maos ticket out of the rear palace if she wants to use it. It's protection, it's safety, it's freedom in a certain way. BUT it also means that she belongs to him and Jinshi doesn't consider even for a second that this is something Mao Mao wouldn't want. Even though all she's giving him are dirty looks. He wants her, so she belongs to him. She is his toy. He's absolutely blindsided by Mao Mao not relying on him. That's why he thinks he has a right to question Mao Mao who Lihaku is once she used Lihakus hair pin instead of Jinshis. And to give credit were credit is due he accepts that Mao Mao doesn't want to use his hairpin. He accepts the boundary once he realizes it's there. But this is something he really struggles with.

Please execute me with poison

This is another important scene for Jinshi and it shakes him to his core: after a Courtesan kills herself Mao Mao tells him point blank that she can't refuse him because he has the power to have her executed. And this manufactures non consent even if Jinshi would never ever give the order. This is something Jinshi didn't realize and didn't want to know. Powerful people rarely want to know why people consent to their actions.

But once he knows he wants real enthusiastic consent from Mao Mao. He just has no idea how to get this consent. And he doesn't know yet that Mao Mao feels safer when she's just a tool but he will learn that too, because he values Mao Maos feelings even though he will make a lot and I mean a LOT of mistakes on the way. Some of those mistakes might be dealbreakers for some people. Not me though because i see this through line and I find it important! It's his character arc. One of the reasons Jinshi and Mao Mao get to have the semi equal relationship they have in LN 10 is because Jinshi actively wanted her to be his equal. Mao Mao would have been fine to just follow orders. Gaoshun notes that she is a useful and willing tool. Jinshi makes everything more difficult for himself. But only because he does, there is a chance for a real relationship to bloom.

(SN: This makes him different from Lakan who I really like but let's face it: Lakan doesn't respect Mao Maos wishes at all. Lakan desires Mao Mao as a daughter and wants to take her away. He never even stops to consider that Mao Mao already has a father. He also never considers that she might like the brothel she grew up in. He just wants to be close to her. In one of the later Novels Mao Mao mentions that she can't give him even an inch because he would never let go afterwards. It's this desire she dislikes)

.

[nalyra-dreaming]

I'm sorry but I can't believe sex in ep6 even topic of discussion.

1)Why would they go to such lengths and spend their time and resources on making floaty sex, if it didn't mean anything and didn't serve any purpose? What purpose did it serve? Well, the first and last time we also saw floaty sex in ep1 and it was clear representation of connection and pleasure that sends you flying to Saturn and back. So, logically, ep6 sex too supposed to show connection and pleasure.

2) Next point (i'm not sure about this one tbh): perhaps there's one more parallel to ep1 scene - Louis "didn't consider himself a homosexual at that time" and we see cut to him having enthusiastic sex. In ep6 he was telling Daniel about being numb and we have cut to him PARTICIPATING in sex and not just lying there like a corpse.

3) They literally included Lestat stopping and checking on Louis and not doing anything before Louis kissed him. He noticed that Louis wasn't mentally there and stopped. Clear indication that Lestat wanted CONSENSUAL sex, if he truly didn't care he would just proceed to fuck Louis because Louis wasn't stopping him.

4) Give Louis a little agency, would you?(general you, not you, Nalyra) As I said, we didn't have any indication that Louis wad pressured into it, that lestat didn't care about Louis' consent and pleasure. Just because you're depressed doesn't mean you're incapable of making decisions. Louis' kiss was him reassuring lestat that he's here with him. He KNEW that lestat needed reassurance to proceed. Lestat can't read Louis' mind, he can't be 100% if Louis wants it or not, so he has to rely on what Louis TELLS him with words and body language. Louis told lestat with his actions that he wants him to proceed. That's Louis' decision, like it or not

5) I know fandom likes to act like Claudia is mentally 14 forever, but for majority of story she's grown woman. I'm actually not sure if she truly thinks Louis wouldn't mind her being in his head while they're having sex or she's actively disregarding his boundaries (that he didn't establish) but there's fact: it's weird. Maybe she thinks she's helping Louis to "cope" with sex because she's projecting her trauma with Bruce on Loustat (which is understandable!) but for me Louis' sounds uncomfortable, and resigned, half-heartedly trying to deflect Claudia. "Anywhere sounds like nowhere" - for me it was clear that he doesn't really want to leave and doesn't want to have this conversation but he fails to say it outright and shut down Claudia. So he just makes up excuses not to leave, avoids telling NO, and blocks his mind when Lestat notices that something is wrong.

So, my point, that cut from Bruce to Lestat was Claudia's mind coming to comparison. She thinks Louis does it to appease lestat, she's probably tries to help telling Louis about her escape plan, she views Louis' reluctants as fear of Lestat and that's it, when probably main reason is Louis simply not wanting to leave.

I'm so sorry for long essay, hope you don't mind! Love your work and blog:)

:) Glad you like.

And yeah... I cannot believe we're at this point again/still either.

Exactly. This is a deliberate thing, a deliberate connection to the best sex Louis had. As said before, it carries meaning.

Well, I mean, there are a lot more instances of Louis saying something and the show showing us something else. Or vice versa. That is... exactly the point. Louis is telling the tale for an effect. And that effect was to lead to the justified "murder night". But the why will be part of season 2.

I know

Louis is (not just) depressed because of Lestat. He is deep in the rite of passage. He addresses that on the bench. And yeah.. for some reason Louis' never gets his agency in these discussions. Because he could have moved away. He could have left. But he did not want to. He stayed right there, in Rue Royale during those 6 years (for example). Where Lestat could find him. But I digress. Louis does have agency, indeed. And it is often dismissed for some reason -.-

Claudia's thinking is very black and white, pun not intended. It's stark contrast. She hates and loves with the full power of puberty, at all times, no matter her mental age. Her hatred for Lestat colors her perception of Louis' love for him - she just cannot imagine Louis loving him. Oh she understands it. But to her Lestat is like Bruce, the worst of the worst, and she cannot fathom that there are actually vampires out there... who are much, much worse. That is part of the horror, that she just cannot... imagine, because ultimately Lestat and Louis raised her as a child and then a loved family member - not as a coven member. She has no point of reference, unfortunately. And no, Louis neither wants to have that conversation (but he is too nice to shut it down), nor does he want to leave. And that just... flies right over her head.

Neither Claudia nor Louis actually fear Lestat, and definitely not even after the fight. The car scene made that quite clear, imho.

Oh, they are angry at him, and justified in that anger. But fear? Nope.

[autistichalsin]

Hi! ❤️

I wanted your opinion on Halsin on one point, but it might be a controversial question. If you want, to avoid being harassed on this point, you can answer me in DM (or not at all of course ) . ⚠️

Another disclaimer: I don't think Halsin isn't a " Real Poly", or that he's "monogamous at heart". 🚨

I'm not implying that people in polyamorous relationships cheat more than monogamous ones, or that they're more sexually voracious. ⚠️

Well, now that this disclaimer is out of the way: THE QUESTION!

Do you think Halsin would be able to cheat on his partner if he were in a monogamous relationship? I specify monogamous because I'm convinced he would NEVER cheat in a Poly relationship, because he'd surely be sexually satisfied.

I don't expect a watered-down answer, don't worry! I like complex, realistic characters with flaws, so don't feel obliged to say "he'd never do that! "if you don't mean it!

Smooches! 😘

(Tone: sincere)

So this is an interesting question, and it was definitely brave of you to ask! I definitely appreciate the clarifications.

That said, I want to say that this question reflects a sort of misunderstanding people have about cheating and what causes it (o judgment, because it is a very common one- I just wanted to point it out before proceededing). It isn't so easy to boil down to "cheating partner was sexually unsatisfied". Beyonce got cheated on- Beyonce! More often, the reasons cheating partners give are falling out of love with their partner, feeling unsatisfied in the relationship as a whole, and wanting a thrill/variety. Cheating is a dysfunction of relationships or of the self before it's a sexual dysfunction.

And that segues into my answer, which is a resounding fuck no would Halsin cheat, even in a monogamous relationship (which is part of why I don't think he would settle into a true monogamous relationship. Perhaps a functionally monogamous one, where they aren't actively seeking new partners, but not a true one). Halsin values consent and trust far too much. If he agreed to something in a relationship, he would talk it over before doing that thing- and that goes beyond multiple partners. In his sex scene, Halsin, having seen and heard cues indicating enthusiastic consent from the player no less than three times, still waits for the player to nod before initiating oral sex. He carries himself VERY carefully to avoid using his size to intimidate others. He makes the player get affirmative consent before entering a relationship with him- and if they choose to end their current relationship to be with him before asking their partner, he is EXTREMELY conflicted between being happy to have the player, and being VERY upset that the player is abandoning their partner.

Boundaries, consent, trust, and compassion are at the core of Halsin's personality, both in and out of romantic/sexual relationships. There just isn't any way Halsin would commit such a betrayal. If anything, if he was in a monogamous relationship and realized it was not for him, he would tell the player he needed an open relationship or to break up, and THEN pursue the other person.

That's how I see it, anyway.

[the-badger-mole]

In the debate between pro-aang-kill-ozai and anti-aang-kill-ozai. Which side are you on and why? If it's the anti then did you like how it was done or do you picture something else?

I think I've mentioned before, but I am not inherently against Aang not wanting to kill Ozai. Some of my favorite heroes have a no-kill policy. I don't even mind the lionturtle solution itself. What I didn't like was how it was handled. There was plenty of time to address Aang's reluctance to kill before the second to last episode. I can think of three points in particular where it would've been thematically appropriate and given Aang's bland, two-dimensional character some depth.

First, right after the siege at the Northern Tribe. Aang may not have technically been the one who killed all those Fire Nation soldiers, but it couldn't have happened without him. You would think that someone who is both committed to pacifism and also the one the entire world is relying on to end a war that people have been fighting and dying in for a century wouldn't just be able to shrug off what happened. Aang did, though. Didn't even cross his mind when he was whining about people expecting him to kill Ozai.

What should have happened was the next season should've opened with Aang grappling with what happened and his part in it. He should feel guilty about it, not because he was actually wrong, but because it should feel wrong to him. Then, Katara and Sokka should comfort him and tell him he did nothing wrong. Build it up that their word are comforting him a little, then drop the bomb when they start talking about how cool it was. How amazing it was to see all those soldiers running in fear for once. How relieved they are that so many of them died. Then have Aang snap on them about the sanctity of life. He needs to be angry and hurt, and this should be the point where he decries the powers of the Avatar. He'd call himself a monster, and maybe he would call Katara and Sokka monsters, too. Then they (probably mostly Sokka) would argue with him that they aren't monsters, they're just trying to survive, and the Fire Nation is a threat to be taken out. This would be the first time it's brought up that Katara, Sokka...the entire world expect Aang to kill Ozai. I think it would be perfect as a season 2 opener. Season 1 was light and goofy, and Zuko was their biggest immediate threat. The siege raised the stakes, and season 2 should continue on that rising. Aang should also have started looking for another solution here. In the library, Aang should've asked Wan Shi Tong if it was possible to end the war without more violence. We should've seen Aang coming to terms with the fact that the world is suffering and he is the one they are looking to to save them. One thing I think the Harry Potter movies in particular did well was that shift from goofy and whimsical to darker and more frightening (as far as kids movies go) as the story went on and the stakes got higher, and the danger felt more real to the characters. Aang never gets that realization. He has moments when the danger feels real, but he's goofy and whimsical for pretty much the entire series until the plot of an episode needs him not to be.

The second place they should have brought up his reluctance to kill was DoBS. This really should've been a no brainer. Aang was loosing sleep over facing Ozai. He had his anxiety about losing- though not really what losing would mean for his friends and the world- but he didn't even consider what winning would take. If DoBS had been successful, there's no way Ozai would've been able to be taken alive. Logistically, killing him would've been the easiest, safest option. You mean to tell me no one brought it up? No one asked Aang how he was planning to take Ozai out? No, instead we get Aang proving he knows what enthusiastic consent looks like and taking away his excuse for what happened later, but nothing about Aang weighing his personal beliefs against the needs of the world. That training montage and confrontation that he has with his friends in the second to last episode should've happened here. This should've been when his tendency to run away should've been challenged, too, because half a season before he was crying about how he abandoned the world again. Now his instinct would be to run, but his friends would challenge him, calling back to that moment. They could demand that he present an alternative to killing Ozai. I don't think any of them would object to him living to stand trial, but Ozai is a rabid dog, essentially. He needs to be put down. Aang's got nothing, but not for lack of trying. When he tells his friends about all his efforts to find a non-lethal way to defeat Ozai, they are unmoved. They are at the doors of the Fire Nation, and now is not the time to be indecisive. He has to go face Ozai. And he's probably relieved when the plan fails. This whole situation would have the added bonus of skipping that first Kataang kiss because no way would Aang want to kiss Katara after her insisting he terminate Ozai with extreme prejudice.

The third place Aang's no-kill policy should've come up is TSR when Zuko asks him what he's planning to do when he faces Ozai if he's so against killing. This should scare Aang, and it should be his focus for the rest of the season. He should be more withdrawn from his friends, because with all the training he's doing (and he would still be training on all the elements because he's not that good at any of them), talks about the most efficient way to kill would be unavoidable. Katara might actually try to teach him bloodbending. Toph would just tell him that a big rock is just as effective as some fancy bending move. Zuko would be warning him about his father's ruthlessness and cunning. This would be where Aang looses his patience with his friends and insists that he's a pacifist and Ozai doesn't deserve to die. This would piss Katara in particular off because by this point, Aang knows what happened to her mother. He would get an earful about how Ozai's plan is to do to the Earth Kingdom what his grandfather did to the Air Nomads and how he's going to let millions of people die because of his refusal to kill one. Now, Aang can take off, only instead of just running away from his friends because he doesn't want to hear them anymore, he could be making one desperate last ditch attempt to find a solution that both ends the war and keeps him from having to kill Ozai. EIP could still happen in this circumstance, but instead of getting mad that he's being played by a girl, he would focus more on how eager for his death the Fire Nation is. That would come up in the argument about killing Ozai.

Now, for the lionturtle. I'm about to blow some minds. I have been vocal about my hatred of the Lionturtle/Rock of Destiny desu-ex-double team, and I do still hate it with a passion. However, as a concept, I don't mind the lionturtle. This is a fantasy adventure. You expect a bit of magical intervention. What I wanted was Aang grappling with this problem for more than half an episode. I wanted him working on a solution the entire time, starting from right after the siege. I wanted to see him take initiative. To actually think about the problem. Maybe have him specifically looking for the lionturtle. Then when it shows it, it could be because it knew Aang was looking and decided he was worthy of a meeting. Aang could still have his meeting with his past lives, and that could still go the way it did. Then the lionturtle could speak up. Instead of poo-pooing the idea of killing Ozai, it could agree that it was the most effective way to make sure that the war would end. Then, when Aang is despairing that he'd wasted all that time trying to find a different solution, the lionturtle could offer the spirit bending. But it would have to come at a cost, and it might not work the way that Aang hoped. Now Aang has to make a choice. Sacrifice something for this spiritbending ability (I'm thinking he loses his airbending, because it seems poetic) that might not have the outcome he's hoping for, or give up his pacifism- one of his few connections to his heritage- and kill Ozai. He chooses the spiritbending. Instead of the conveniently placed rock, Aang would actually have to give up his attachment Katara. I think he would be half-way there, having finally realized how little he understood her. He "loved" her because she was pretty and took care of him, but he's come to realize there's a lot more facets to her that he hasn't gotten to see because they don't fit his narrow view of her. He also understands what Guru Pathik was trying to tell him about one person not being able to replace everything Aang has lost, and he realizes how unfair to her he had been. He still loves her, but as a friend and caretaker. This will actually lead to a deeper friendship between them. Aang defeats Ozai without killing him, but now he has to deal with the loss of his airbending, which only now does he realize was a much of a connection between him and his people as his beliefs. He still has spiritbending. He can still airbend in the Avatar State, but he's effectively cut off a limb to keep his integrity. He will go the rest of his life wondering if it was worth it, especially after Ozai goes to trial and is sentenced to execution anyway. The effects of that on his children could be explored in LoK.

TL;DR I don't have a problem with Aang not wanting to kill Ozai. I just wanted to see him deal with it before the last minute. I think the show would've been better for it, and Aang would've been a more interesting character.

[olderthannetfic]

”dubcon" kind of annoys me as a term. Not because I have any issue with people enjoying it, but because dumbasses seem to think it's possible for it to exist in reality. It is a strictly fictional genre, like "selfcest". It is impossible for "dubcon" to exist in real life. That's the appeal of it!

In fiction, an author can give us a glimpse into a character's inner world and tell us if the character is actually wanting or enjoying something sexual in nature without them actually needing to say so. It's a way for authors to explore the grey areas of taboo themes and fulfill a (very common) fantasy without actually doing anything to harm anyone.

In reality, it's black and white. Either you've consented enthusiastically to sex in some clear way through your words or behavior, or you haven't consented at all. If consent is ever "dubious" in reality, that's sexual assault.

I feel like people who whinge and pearl clutch and wring their hands over "but what if it affects reality!!" are actually doing far more to be harmful to real people as they are the ones who attempt to erase the boundaries between IRL consent and nonconsent by doing so.

--

[astraaa3]

A Vaggie or Carmilla x fem reader smut? If that’s okay!

A/N: Y'all I'm so sorry for the late responses. I had exams. T>T Anywayyys, I'll try grinding out all of the requests asaap. Thank you so much for the request hyenalover2630. &lt;3 Also, an unrelated sidenote my roommate (I live in the college dorms) is not so silently judging me for being a degenerate. But she's one as well, and besides the anime simping she simps for K-pop girls groups as well. (the two of us are the K-pop and metalhead roommates trope and it's hilarious). Anywayys, back to the degenerate shit everyone is here to read, hope you enjoy it.

Note: Still looking for someone to proofread the mess I write because I ain't letting my roommate read it. (she already peeps on my laptop I do not need further mortification). Feedback is greatly appreciated and welcomed.

========= ︻┳═一 =========

Carmilla x Fem!Reader (Smut shot)

Carmilla seems like a usually gentle lover, like, she'll make sure both of you end up satisfied by the end of your love-making.

That said, "usually" doesn't mean always. When she comes back home irritated she will make full use of having a lover to calm down (of course, with your enthusiastic consent; we love a respectful queen)

Depending on the nuances of annoyed versus mad, she will get you to do different things for her.

If she is mad, well, she doesn't want to risk hurting you, she is a powerful overlord after all, and as much as she respects you, she knows you are still weaker than her. So, when she is truly mad, she will ask you to bring her a drink and as she calms down sipping from her glass, she'd have you sit on your knees beside her chair, her free hand stroking your head. Once she's calmed down, she will absolutely cuddle in bed with you, as she tells you all about what happened that day.

If she is annoyed, more specifically, if you are the one to annoy her, well, she has multiple ways of shutting you up. Most of the time you'd end up with your head buried between her thighs, a toy shoved up your pussy as you struggle to concentrate on eating her out. (to be furthered on ;] )

Carmilla is the QUEEN of aftercare. No matter how little time she has until she has to get started on paperwork, you can bet your sweet little ass that she will pamper you. And in turn, you'll give her a back massage. (with how much she stands bent over paperwork her back hurts a lot, so when your hands rub the knots away, she can't help but let her more vulnerable side out, letting out small moans and grunts of relief as your hands to their magic)

The two of you mostly have sex in your shared soundproofed bedroom. Carmilla loves her daughters a lot, so she doesn't want to risk them hearing the two of you going at it. On a few occasions, the two of you would make out or at most do some over-the-clothes grinding in her office. Anywhere else is a nope, she has a reputation to uphold and it's already mortifying enough that Zestial caught the two of you making out in her office once. (that is a story for another time; let's just say it ended up with you flushing furiously and running out of Carmilla's office with a squeaked-out apology)

========= ︻┳═一 =========

The Smut-shot

You were laying on the couch grinning like a fool while spamming the hell out of Carmilla's phone with random texts, memes, pics, voice messages, calls, and gifs. Your lover (or as you have her on your phone: wifey) has been busy with work these last few days. The extermination counter shortening, the secret to killing angels, and her business were taking up a lot of her time as she was planning for the worst-case scenario. You understood why she was so stressed. After all, you loved her and you loved her daughters like they were your own children. You were scared for their safety as well. That said, right now you were more worried about Carmilla. She spent the last few nights in her office, planning out every possible and impossible situation. So, you decided to do what you do best: get her attention. And like the annoying idiot you could be, you decided to spam her until she had to come home.

Your wishes become a reality pretty quickly as Carmilla storms inside the room.

"Our room. Now." she says her eyebrows furrowed as she stomps towards your bedroom, her heels clacking as she walks.

You follow after her, giggling. As you close the door to your bedroom behind you she presses you against the wall, claiming your mouth in a searing kiss before you can get any excuses out of your mouth. Her hand slips under your pajama pants and panties, her fingers quickly finding your entrance as she wastes no time before burying one of her fingers inside of your cunt. The finger curls up pressing up against a sweet spot that makes you whine into the kiss, your hips wiggling as you try to get more of that feeling. Her other hand, however, pins your hips in place. Her finger still making back-and-forth motions inside of you Carmilla breaks the kiss looking at you with an annoyed look.

"I will not hear any words that are not a safeword out of you today. Alright? No whines, no pleads, no nothing. You will lay on the bed like a good girl, you will eat me out and if I feel like you deserve it, maybe I will let you cum. Am I understood, love?" she says pulling her hand out of your pants.

You nod with a pout as you go to lie down on the bed shrugging off your pants and blouse. Carmilla heads to one of your toy drawers pulling out a bullet vibrator. You glare at the toy like it personally offended you since it was one of the toys that had a broader range of vibrations. Aka, more ways for your lover to make you regret spamming the shit out of her phone.

You muffle a whine a she sticks up the lubed-out vibrator into your pussy, mock-glaring at her as she quickly retracts her hand from your folds. The moment she lays down on the bed you lay your head onto one of her thighs trying to give her your best kicked-puppy look. Laughing she strokes your hair motioning you forward towards her folds as she starts up the vibrator.

"You know there is no chance of me falling for that sweetheart. Now, get to it before I decide that you being a crying mess is my new favorite look on you," she says her hand brushing off a stray strand from your forehead.

You kiss your way up her thighs, giving them small butterfly kisses and soft bites, making your way to her pussy, pressing a few soft kisses to her clit before pressing your tongue between her folds your tongue expertly running up and around her hole before moving your way back up to her clit lavishing it with attention. Apparently, you still being able to have some technique to your eating out was not a good thing since Carmilla suddenly turned up the vibrator to the max. You cry out, your voice muffled between her thighs. You struggle to keep your composure licking and sucking desperately at her folds your head becoming a fuzzy mess as Carmilla keeps altering the settings of the vibrator. You lap at her messily, your teary eyes looking up at her, small whining noises leaving your mouth. She smiles at you, her face flushed from pleasure, her hand grabs the back of your head pushing your head up toward her clit, and like a starving person you latch onto it licking and sucking desperately. Her thighs squeeze around your hand as she cums, turning off the vibrator before you can do the same. Carmilla pants smirking as she sees your teary-eyed face. She pulls you up pushing your head between her breasts. Pulling out the vibrator she replaces it with her fingers massaging your clit before two of them find their way inside of you. She tilts up your head kissing you as her fingers quickly bring you to your own orgasm. Panting you lay your head on her chest as she cuddles you.

"I know I have been busy with work darling, but you can always say you want to spend time together instead of blowing up my phone." Carmilla mutters out sleepily her days of constant work finally catching up to her.

You nod pressing a quick peck to her lips as you hug her, her warm body lulling you to sleep.

[julienbakerpls]

Happy Birthday Part Two 18+

"Okay... you NEED to get out of the house! We're going out and that's final." Your best friend said finally having enough of your almost 3 month long mood swings.

"Fine, but i'm not going to have a good time." You called out to her from where you were laying on your couch.

"I will literally beat your ass. Go get slutty and hot!" She yelled at you coming to pull you out from under your blanket. You rolled your eyes but ultimately decided that she probably would try and beat you up if you didn't get up.

"Wear that short red dress I love on you!" She called, from where she was styling her hair.

"I can't! I told you I lost the bra that goes with it!" You call out from the bathroom.

"So don't wear one, I've told you repeatedly that dress doesn't even need one!" You hear her call out over the sound of your shower.

You took your time getting ready, partially hoping that she would give up and leave without you. However once you had dressed in the "slutty" red dress (sans bra) and had your hair and makeup done she was still lounging on your couch.

"Took you long enough, let's go I want to go to that new bar downtown!" She still yelled even though you were next to her, jumping up and pulling you out to where her car was parked.

The ride to the bar was filled with both of you very badly singing along to the cure cd that she had gotten stuck in her cd player in high school.

"So what bar are we going to? Damien's?" You asked, once you noticed her start to look for parking.

"Nah, It's called The Red Door, it opened I think late last year. It's supposed to be very cool." She said doing an illegal U turn and parallel parking flawlessly.

You remembered hearing about The Red Door, but you couldn't remember from who. The two of you made your way into the candle lit bar, looking around. Your friend quickly made her way over to the bar ordering you both shots. After you had both downed them, she quickly abandoned you to go make out with some girl on the dance floor. You knew this is exactly how things would go, regretting not bringing a book or something to do.

"Y/n?" You heard from behind you, turning to see the cause of your horrible mood for the past three months. Your stomach instantly starting to cramp with anxiety.

"Hi." You answer attempting to smile convincingly. Julien came to sit next to you at the bar, she was wearing a white tank top that showed her muscular arms. You tried very hard not to stare, but from the smirk on her face she definitely noticed.

"I was really hoping to see you here.." Julien started, leaving you thoroughly confused.

"What do you mean?" you asked, taking a sip of your drink.

"I mean I told Lucy to invite you here that Friday after your appointment, but you never showed so.." She trailed off.

"Oh wait... I thought she was just telling me there was a bar down the street I didn't know YOU wanted me to go to it.." You said placing your hand on her arm, She looked down at it smiling slightly to herself.

"I wanted to invite you myself but you kinda ran out of the room too quickly for me to." Julien said, placing her hand over yours. You blushed remembering the way you ran out.

"I thought I made you uncomfortable-" You started Julien instantly cutting you off. "You didn't, I swear it's just I didn't want to take advantage of your vulnerability." She finished scooting closer to your stool.

"You can take advantage of me whenever you want.." You said without meaning too, Juliens face as well as your own filling with heat.

"I didn't mean to say that... out loud." You say, trying to backtrack. She laughs, shaking her head.

"I don't want to take advantage of you, I want your enthusiastic consent before I try anything." Julien said placing her tattooed hand on your bare thigh.

"Believe me, you've had it for the past three months.." You say tracing the Hard tattoo on her fingers.

"Oh yeah? Because you're all I could think about.." She says, staring up at you with those big brown eyes.

"Honestly if anyone else had been my piercer I would have chickened out. I was just too enthralled by you to remember to be nervous." You smiled, blush filling your face impossibly more. Noticing the way Julien's smile gets even bigger, you don't regret saying it.

"Honestly, I was so nervous to pierce you.. You walked in and I forgot my fucking name." She laughs, and you think you vaguely remember her not introducing herself right away.

"And then you took your shirt off and I thought I was going to lose my piercing license.." She said taking a sip of her drink.

"Wait why?" You ask, now also moving your stool closer to her.

"Because we're supposed to be completely professional, not almost drooling on our clients." She blushes, running her other hand across your collar bone.

"Because I was shirtless?" You say smiling at her, she shakes her head also smiling at you.

"I was almost drooling before you took your shirt off.. honestly if I were more of a professional I wouldn't have pierced you in the first place." She laughed, leaning forward to place her head on your shoulder. You smiled to yourself leaning your head to rest on hers, feeling her smile against your shoulder.

"I really like you.." Julien whispers into your shoulder. You smile even bigger, pulling away to look at her.

"I really like you." You say back to her, loving her big goofy grin.

"Do you want to get out of here?" She asked leaning back over to just be closer to you.

"I have to check with the friend I came with.. but i'll go anywhere with you." You say looking at her, less than an inch between your lips. The tension between the two of you is almost palpable. Julien clears her throat pulling away from you, her breathing slightly heavier.

"I'll be right back.." You get up, turning towards the dance floor to find your friend. You spot her after about a minute of looking pressed against a different woman in the corner. You make your way over to her having to pretty much pull her away to get her attention.

"What?" She whines, making grabby hands for the woman behind you now.

"I'm leaving, are you going to be alright getting home?" You ask her, once she stops pouting.

"Yea i'll be fine. Wait who are you leaving with?" She asks looking over your shoulder, and smiling smugly. You feel an arm wrap around your waist looking down and seeing the work tattoo, and blushing.

"Either her type is crazy specific or you're the piercer she's been grossly obsessing over!" Your friend laughed, Ignoring you to talk to Julien.

"I guess I am, Julien." She introduces herself, Pulling you tighter to her and squeezing your waist. You watch as Julien turns to the woman over your friends shoulder.

"Lucy, I'm heading out, please text me when you get home." Julien says, going over and kissing her friends cheek before returning to your side. You think you remember her from the piercing parlor, but you can't be completely sure.

"I will, Love you JB. Don't do anything I wouldn't do!" Lucy calls, as Julien starts to steer you towards the exit, hands on your hips.

"God, this dress is killing me.." She whispers once the two of you have made it outside. You blush, pressing your back against her front.

"You know, I usually wear a bra with this but I left it when I was running away from you." You say, as she starts pulling you towards her car. She opens the passenger side door, but before you can get in she presses you to the car.

"I think I prefer it without one.." Julien breathes into your neck, running her hands from your hips to your breasts and massages them gently. Your head falls back at the sudden sensation, your nipples hardening under her fingers.

"Oh fuck.. please" You moan under her skilled hands. She continues rubbing them gently until your aching for her to do anything more.

"If we do anything more out here, it would be public indecency and we could get fined or up to a year in jail." Julien said, pulling away from you and helping you into the car.

"Why do you know that?" you laughed as she got into the car.

"I have very irresponsible friends.." She sighed starting the car, the cure filling the quiet.

"I love The Cure" you smiled over at her.

"Good Robert Smith is a legend." She laughed pulling out onto the main road. Julien moved one hand off the wheel and rested it almost under your dress.

"Oh before I forget... open the glove box." Julien said, Stopping at a red light. You looked at her questioningly before doing as instructed, and to your surprise you pulled out your favorite bra that you thought was gone forever.

"You kept my bra?" You smiled at her a little in awe. She started driving again but pulled her lower lip between her teeth.

"It looked expensive... and I hoped i'd get to see you again. And maybe also see you wear it again." She blushed, pulling into a dark driveway. You watched as she parked the car and got out to come open your door for you.

"You can see me where it anytime you want.." You flirt, getting out of the car with her help. She smiles pulling you down to kiss you hard on the lips. Her tongue tracing your bottom lip begging for entrance into your mouth. Her hands tracing their way up your waist to your chest, instantly finding your hardened peaks. You moan into her mouth, tongues now fighting for dominance.

"Julien... Please." You moan out, your head falling back.

"Let's move this inside." She smiles goofily, roughly tugging you to the front door. Taking her time opening it, pulling you in and pressing you against the door. Julien trails kisses down your neck and collar bones stopping when she gets to the top of your dress. She pulls you tighter against her, silently asking you if she can unzip the dress. You nod, chasing her lips and kissing her again. She slowly unzips the tight red dress, letting it fall to your feet leaving you in just a lacy pair of underwear.

"Fuck Baby..." You hear Julien groan, tracing her hands and her mouth up your body.

"How are your piercings healing," She whispers against your collar bone.

"They're great, yeahh" You exhale shakily, Awaiting her next move.

"Perfect." Julien smiles against your shoulder, kissing down your chest and taking one of your nipples in her mouth. Your eyes roll back in your head as you feel her suck harshly on it. You knew that piercing them would make them sensitive, but you had no idea just how much. Julien continued sucking on your nipples, moving from one to the other. You start grinding your hips against her hip bone, gasping at the overwhelming pleasure. She bit down softly on your nipple causing the knot of pleasure building in your stomach to almost snap.

"Fuck Jay uhh," You whined, shaking from how much pleasure her body was bringing you. She bit softly on your nipple again before kissing back up to your lips, losing herself temporarily in the heated kiss. Julien reluctantly pulled away from you, pulling you up the stairs and into her bedroom. You felt instantly at home, welcoming the scent of her cologne that was clinging to the bedsheets.

Julien almost instantly climbing on top of you, grinding her hips against yours her mouth finding it's way back to your nipples.

"You don't know how many times i've pictured this in my head..." Julien said, biting down beside your nipple.

"Oh yeah, did it get you hot, thinking of me writhing beneath you in your bed. " You gasp out, rolling your hips against hers.

"Fuck Baby... it did a lot more than just get me hot," Julien moaned, pulling away from you and taking her tank top off. You lean forward wrapping your arms around her waist, kissing along her toned stomach. You pull her hips forward, unbuckling her belt while still leaving hickeys along her abs.

"Mmmm Y/n," Julien moaned, before helping you pull off her tight jeans. "Come here," She laughed, throwing them off the bed leaving her in just her sports bra and boxers. She kissed her way up your body, pressing a kiss to your nose before licking her way into your mouth. You wrap your legs around her waist, grinding against her. You feel one of her hands travel down your body and under the thin fabric of your underwear, circling your clit. You're unable to control the whine that falls from your mouth as you rock forward into her hand.

"God, you're soaked, is all this for me baby?" Julien asks applying more pressure to your clit, causing your body to start shaking with pleasure.

"Yes, Julien baby it's all for you!" You cry out as she presses a finger into your entrance. You gasp when you feel the cool metal of her ring against your inner thigh.

"You're so fucking sexy, You have no idea how badly I want you." She whispers into your neck, pushing another finger into you. Your eyes flutter closed, basking in the warm feeling pooling in your stomach. You pull her sports bra up and off of her tossing it onto the floor.

Julien started, biting and sucking her way down your body, her mouth instantly finding your clit. She sucked it into her mouth, massaging gently with her tongue. You feel her add another finger, gasping at the stretch. You whine tangling your fingers into her hair, grinding your hips up into her face. You cum suddenly, the knot in your stomach snapping as she pinches your nipple. Body arching into her, before melting back into her sheets. Julien cleans up the mess she made with her tongue before kissing her way back up to your mouth. You moan as you taste yourself on her tongue, the kiss is messy and you feel yourself getting hot and bothered again.

"Jay baby, I want to taste you." You whine into her mouth, rolling her over so you're on top of her.

You can feel the wet heat between your legs start to build up again at the sight of her. You have a leg on either side of her waist, looking down at her flushed face and big brown eyes looking up at you with an adoring expression. You reach down and stroke her face, feeling her heated sweat soaked skin.

"You're like a dream," You sigh, tracing around her mouth and dipping your fingers into her mouth. She eagerly sucks them, the sight and feel driving you insane. You pull your fingers out of her mouth attacking her lips, and trailing your hand down her body and into her boxers sliding them off of her. Your fingers instantly circling her clit, moaning at how wet she is.

"I wanna feel you cum on my face Jay," You say against her lips, laughing to yourself as she groans.

"Baby, I could cum from just your words." Julien whines out, clutching the bedsheets as you kiss and bite your way down her body pulling her legs over your shoulders. You bite and suck on her thighs, before leaning forward and sucking her already swollen sensitive clit. She rolls her hips up into your face, gasping when you push a finger into her entrance.

"Ah Princess." She moans out, the nickname taking you by surprise and causing you to suck on her more fervently. You thrust your fingers harder, feeling her body clamp down on your fingers. Everything about her tightens and goes rigid, you watch as her eyebrows draw together.

"Baby," Julien gasps, soaking your face and the sheets underneath her. You take your time cleaning her up with your mouth and her discarded boxers.

"You're so perfect," You breathe into her mouth, Kissing all over her face causing her to giggle.

"I'm so fucking glad you decided to get your nipples pierced." Julien smiled, teasingly pinching your nipple.

"I am too," You smile, cuddling down into her neck and pressing a tender kiss there.

- Let me know what y'all think <3

[memesomething]

the agency of it all

memes for muses who just would really benefit from being afforded self-determination just a little more often. feel free to swap out pronouns or words to make it fit your muse better!

"Is this what you want?"

"If you don't want to be here, we can leave."

"I need to touch you to wrap it up, is that okay?"

"Did they ask if they could publish it?"

"They should have asked first."

"I want your enthusiastic consent."

"It's not what you wanted. Thank you for stopping me."

"It's your experience. You're the expert, I'm just along for the ride."

"What are some of the things I've done before that helped?"

"Do you want to talk about it?"

"I get I'm not, like, your best friend. But I'm here if you want me."

"Do you want to get some sleep?"

"If you tell me about it I want it to be on your terms."

"Sure I know what they said, but they're not you. What do you want me to know about it?"

"Was there ever a time where it didn't... hurt as much?"

"Actually, no, you don't. You don't 'owe me' the truth."

"I want to know about it because I want to know about you. But never in a way that hurts you."

"You get... quiet when I do it. I want to be sure it isn't costing you something."

"I know you care about me. You don't have to 'prove' it."

"You're allowed to keep some secrets."

"Your healthcare isn't anybody else's business."

"Of course I didn't tell them. It's your story."

"I'll lie to them if you ask me to."

"I know first aid(/other medical knowledge), is it okay if I take a look?"

[thedomesticanthropologist]

Spoilers for Halsin?

Halsin is INTERESTING and I want to talk about this man, but I haven't done a FULL deep dive into his dialogue and romance so I'm gonna need you guys to help me out if I make mistakes here.

So we know he comes on strong pretty much from the get go, and even if you don't flirt he's got some language around admiring you/wanting you/bring with you "and now I have you" etc before the shadow curse is broken

Once it's broken man is like a bear in HEAT coming after Tav, in the most respectful way he can. He is smart, careful with boundaries, if you're romancing someone else he's great with consent but the whole time he makes it clear: he wants you. And he phrases it in a way that any romance novel enthusiast would be melting.

But then there's this neat thing about wood elves someone dug up re: Astarion being OK with you going off with Halsin that I want to make note of. Though not included in BG3 specifically in a book or otherwise for the player to read, there's this:

He says his heart does not stir lightly, he has had many lovers but his heart stirs for you, now. However, if you press him about your relationship he, though not teasing or mocking you AT ALL, does emphasize that the word relationship doesn't match his vibe Essentially, that you are BOTH free to persue others and at this time he says "you are all I want but you should -"

And a lot of players took this as oh, he only wants me and is not interested in pursuing other lovers because his heart does not stir lightly but I get to go bang whoever with his consent

And I'm like.... Kinda? But that really erases everything he says about how HE views relationships. He views them as the wood elves do, something to passionately engage in when you want it, and to freely disengage from when the time feels right, no possession involved, clear communication being important along the way.

And then at the end of the game

He leaves you.

And people flipped out over this, and I agree that the Epiolgues SUCK SO HARD

But I don't feel like this is... Out of character for him, for a wood elf, I just feel like the writers missed an opportunity to actually EXPLAIN HALSIN and Wood Elf views on romantic entanglements? They really slap you hard with his overwhelming attraction and devotion to Tav during their journey and do not prepare (except in bare hints of him tell you YOU are free OF COURSE and not that HE is also free, that part is IMPLIED and even so he never says he intends this to be an interlude, but he also has NO concept of how relationships work outside of the context of his own experience which has been rooted in Wood Elf culture)

And he never talks to you about it before the ending either "hey this was great but I'm gonna dip soon-"

Idk I wanna start a dialogue about it, because I don't have enough information but I'm trying to figure out what the writers wanted from his Character here, and how they wanted us to perceive him and his romance and like... Yeah.

Would love some extra character analysis from Halsin fans who have done a better deep dive than I have so far!!