#anyway I hate u period
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looping echidna beastlife gif from trying to figure out toonboom
#based loosely off the bird who keeps taunting my cats through the window. brown headed cowbird who will sit there#and flap it's wings and yell until the cats show up and then it starts pecking at the window and jumping back and forth in front of them#weird bird.#it's done this for like two years now i think#anyways. sound it makes when it fluffs up is vaguely similar to echidnas birdsong soundboard noise thing. so. yeag#whisp whispers#my art#ALSO. ANIMATION PRECOLLEGE IS SO AWESOME. IM SO. AHRHRHNFMDM GET ME OUT OF HIGHSCHOOL PRLESDRRRE GIVE ME AN ART TEACJER WHO CARES ABOUT ART#it's so awesome here. toonboom access!!!! this is so awesome. guys toonboom is so awesome. not to turn a hobby into a job but like i was#genuinely kind of sad when i didn't get to go to school over the weekend it's so awesome here. who was going to tell me college doesn't suck#miserably all the time. like it's a precollege but still this is so ??? so much better than anything i've done in the past 8 years#<-except for fine crafts one i miss u fine crafts ...... not even a fine arts credit. but it was a nice class#anyways point being. hm. maybe i could animate for a job. i used to think about it but hs art magnet is so bad guys it's so bad .and i#was like hm this sucks actually. also like worst period of my life but that's unrelated . but this is so. nice? and im DOING things and i#feel like i'm learning??? god i hope dual enrollment goes well maybe i will be able to make it through college...#im so. this is so awesome. precollege animation 2-week intensive thing i love you i love you i love you#BTW GUYS DID YOU KNOW ALL AUTODESK PRODUCTS ARE FREE AS LONG AS UR IN ANY SCHOOLING. MAYA. FOR FREE. FOR AS LONG AS ENROLLED IN ANY SCHOOL#AND THEN SOME !!! i don't even like 3d modeling that much but. maya for free??? that's awesome. that's awesome!! anyways#rambling. i think i missed all normal tags. uhhhhhhhhh#beastlife#<-oh no i only missed that one. awesome. guys i love it here this is so. arbrnsnnm i love you figure drawing. i'm having fun!#with charcoal!!!!! i thought i hated charcoal but this is like !!!!! so aweosme ?????? i'm#this is so awesome. this is so awesome. !!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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lowkey glad i got my wisdom teeth out now because im getting used to barely eating and i know once school starts im gonna have to start getting back in the rhythm of one meal a day because i don’t do lunch (vent in the tags mb)
#tw eating issues#i look thinner i think and i like that#im trying to keep up this eating pattern to get used to it when school starts#i’m learning how to keep my stomach from making noise which is good#it’s fucked up when i think about it but whatever#anyway i’ve been meaning to vent for a while about this#only thing im nervous about is having physics my third and second to last periods but ill figure it out#im trying to lose more weight#i think im doing good on my soup diet tbh#i’ll keep it going as long as i can#i hate how i feel after eating though#im considering learning how to water fast#i think that’ll help#anyway this git dark sorry#i’m fine im just in a bad headspace#i’ll be fine#ill stop when im satisfied#vent#i wanna go from small to extra small tbh#i wanna be thinner#i hate this#ive been dealing with it since i was twelve#whatever#tw ed#idk can u even call it an ed?#sometimes the only motivation i have is knowing if i keep eating im gonna look gross when i go out#i’ll be fine i’ll stop when i want#no one will even know it’ll be so easy#it makes me feel in control#like i’m in control here instead of the thoughts
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#they speak!#it's probably just the illness that's making me extra irritable but like.#roommate kept coming up to me this morning going oh did i wake you up? i'm sorry if i did. did i do that or no? i'm really sorry.#and i kept telling him to stop saying sorry because i didn't have the brain power to phrase#'you could've been more considerate of your volume but you also have the right to use the common space so it's whatever'#but he said it to me again before i went to my room just now and it's like. ok. shut up.#if you actually cared that much u would've just been quieter in the first place actually.#anyways. annoyed. there were some annoying customers in the store today but it was whatever.#i feel like my fucks to give had already worn out with all the ppl in my social circle/my parents and the recent ongoings of that#[redacted] was being passive aggressive to me in the group chat and it's like. ok! idk what u want from me.#and i'm grateful for them for coming over and helping me with cleaning last week#and it's those sorts of actions that let me know they care and want good things for me#but like. i haaaate telling them anything because even innocuous non-private things get turned into judgement with them.#also. more and more i can feel how i'm drifting away from h and now with retrospect i can see how we mutually hurt each other :)#i keep coming back to this one period where i really wanted to take them to try dimsum and they kept saying they were too scared to try it#and in their new friend group they regularly go out n get dimsum together. which on the surface is like. why didn't you want to go with /me#i told you i wanted to share what i liked and i would explain what things were and i could do the talking and you still said no#but it's also very much a reflection of how i always rolled over and enabled them. i never challenged them. i was always passive.#i also feel like i'm heavily neglecting e and a recently and i can tell how the physical distance is affecting us and idk. it's weird.#anyways. another post that should've been a journal entry! lol!#when [redacted] helped with cleaning they also buried my journal under my like#300 packets of sesame candies and i can't be bothered to dig it out. also my bandaids are missing now. <3#ik this also sounds passive aggressive but genuinely appreciate the help i just kinda hate how they think hidin everything in boxes is good#'we need to get you some more storage boxes and containers!!' actually i think that will be the opposite of helpful.#i need everything visible and on open surfaces so i can 1) remember they exist for me to use and 2) not have barriers for me to get to them
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zesty lowkey just another way for str8 ppl to say faggot / faggy and get away with it
#and im sick of letting them#cus why my lil nephew not even ten yet saying that and 'acting 'zesty' ' with his friends#i hate sounding like a boomer like i value the upside of technology#but u give humans / ANYONE rlly a chance to relax and a lot will turn it into laziness / neglect just because they can#like it's good to spread awareness but it's maybe likeeee. Not a good thing to spread statements/stereotypes with no further explanation#and peddle it to CHILDREN#whose comprehensions skills are. surprise. that of a CHILD'S#i say this ironically. btw#'oh im so mature for my age' no bro ure an immature HUMAN whos being forced to immaturely consider urself mature#due to the nature of ur relationships and homelife (or more-so the lack/negatives of them)#like it's ok to be a little stupid#as long as u keep trying to improve instead of just sitting in fault#or acting like they dont exist#anyways this got off topic but ya. crazy#kids have been killing each other n crazy shit like that but lately the crazy murder stories have HEAVILY leaned into#a misunderstanding of materialism#instead of just 'i wonder what it feels like' it's 'she took my ipad & also i wonder what it feels like'#like the first was already scary enough & now we've got this shit???#empathy is going thru a downside and we need to adjust the scales back!!!#im not gonna act like this is some new never seen b4 onset of fear impacting a generation after mine#bcs it's not never seen before in LIFE.. it's just never been seen b4 in UR life. which can feel like LIFE LIFE bcs like. uve only got one#that u may be cognizant of or etc religion aspect insert here. the point is. history repeats itself. but the points of history#can vary in visibility. some events get more notice than others bcs history's voice is ppl & actions & sometimes that gets erased#this isnt some bastardization point of one generation. but it IS a flaw that can show up in any gen (usually the oncoming ones)#bcs changes can be comfort & discomfort & the one u'd usually consider negative isnt always#anyways what im trying to say is. we need empathy back up period. always. we need empathy#lack of it is concerning. end of argument
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#im in such a bad and low mood :<#it's not just my period hormones 🥴#my wireless headphones worked fine all of yesterday and today when i wake up they're blinking#they're liked fucked up... i turn them off but they constantly turn themselves back on. when i connect them to my ipad they constantly#keep disconnecting and shutting off and turning on 🙃 it makes me so angry bc i need to wear them basically all the time#bc all the noise from neighbors and my family and outside is driving me crazy#but they just dont work anymore?? plus i cant afford new ones... esp now which brings me to my next point#bc of my mom having troubles w school and loans and work etc she was like yeah u guys might have to pay for me this summer so we'll be#proper poor 😄 she doesnt WANT that either but it just sucks bc i got $300 every month and i can barely afford anything as is#yeah so there is no chance of me buying new headphones until at least august or september ......#then im annoyed bc my sisters are passive aggressive 24/7 and hate my existence and my mom is depressed lol#and i have no one to talk to or be with. it's summer and i wanna do stuff but i just dont wanna do it alone lmao#and then im just sad bc of many things.....#also i hate myself bc im a loser failure piece of shit but like yeah that's normal for me to feel#i just hate everything and it's so hard to endure this lame ass existence skskskskks#why cant ANYTHING be good ever in my life??#i am garbage and im surrounded by bad things lmao... anyways can i just stop breathing now pls#and it's not just a 'tiny' thing like my headphones not working like it might seem to others#but when u live a life where NOTHING is good or NOTHING works everything just piles on#ppl dont seem to understand that normally bc most ppl have some good things in their lives#so they just cannot comprehend what it's like when nothing works on any level in your life lok#ofc im depressed ofc im angry and bitter and dejected. i have no good things or moments at all in my life. that tears u down#i mean ofc i could be living in an active warzone and that'd be .. pretty awful i can imagine. but yeah... my situation is still not ideal#like i mean i do actually try to practice gratitude of having a roof over my head my own room water in the pipes and food so i dont starve#i am thankful for that bc many ppl dont even have that#i still feel depressed tho <3#idk what im talking abt now i just feel SO bad and i have no one to talk to#i have nothing to do... no help no treatment... everyone hates me and wants me dead......#why should i fight when no one cares abt me anyway... well.. i mean i do wanna experience more nature but like idk#im just so exhausted... why cant i ever have smth good in my life that also dont go away after a short while lol
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like... what do you even mean you absolute BUFFOON
#are you fjklcjsxbfhjkneldsfd KIDDDINGNG..#all day im out here getting sucked into the hate comments like its my day job as a distraction#so ur saying theyre just purposely... playing bad in the biggest media market for funsies...#they like the heat??? the lack of production? the losing#are u fucking stupid or what like#did they not show up in the first round. i somehow missed the leafs losing in the first round again my bad#its so clear who knows nothing abt. empathy or sports period after a game like yesterday like its fhidjsklfhiejdklsfdjsflk#anyway just coming here to rant so i dont start fights online#i genuinely dont know what a dumbass take this is like. are u rlly insinuating theyre purposely slacking here bc.... ??#what do they get out of that besides money...... both of them arent gonna want LESS in their next contracts so what do u MEAN#ever considered that maybe its ur shitty vibe..... fkljsdkf#loyal fanbase my fucking ass.. yall are loyal to some fucking logo and thats it and its wild to me
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never gonna experience the "gay kid finds safety and solace in their english class" bc all my teachers have been incredibly racist to me
#:(#ik its like shocker!!!! racism??? at the liberal arts school that preaches diversity but only hires white ppl????#and most of it has been just harmless but annoying racism#where ppl get too comfy and its like hmmm nope u cant sit with us u cant joke with us <3#but last year....omg my english teacher was diabolical#constantly making bs excuses to search me and yelling bc I “won't keep my eyes open” during her lectures#obviously didnt keep in touch with her but my friend goes to her classroom for his free period#he says every time he tries to take a nap he gets sleep paralysis and I dont really believe in curses....but shes definitely capable#theres enough hate and misery in her heart to do it#anyways today I found out she published a smut book#two stars on goodreads and a review that was definitely written by a former student#we need to do something about this freaking teacher shortage
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anyone else get that stupid dizzy feeling with the white spots in your vision randomly when ur on ur period?
#it annoys me sm#i cant stand or walk for very long on my period before getting it smh#and ur head also feels fuzzy when it happens sorta#kind of like when u stand up too fast#anyway its very annoying and i hate it
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simon peter is the funniest apostle to work with because in theory he's the most loyal, most by-the-book of the apostles so you'd expect him to be the most logical and collected one but 80% of his concerns (pre crucifixion then everything went downhill and they all died) are that he has a crush on every person he encounters
#🧅#im not religious just insane.jpg#true poly disaster. funniest shit ever.#cause yknow simon p's a fisherman he's married he's a very poster family man#and he loves his wife he really does. im not gonna make the only guy who's married fucking Hate his wife and want to like. go have gay sex#instead cause mlm good mlw bad. but he does have his. Issues. concerning how he views women#he's gonna work on that though i'm not leaving him like that don't worry. peter already knew the torah by heart probably for peter turning#to god meant learning how to respect women. and yknow people he considered 'ungodly' in general. to respect humanity as he respects god.#tee hee i love this arc. i love all of them but i dont ever rlly talk abt this one.#but anyways yes he does love his wife.#then some strange guy shows up while he's fishing and he's like follow me son of jonah i will make you a Fisher Of Men. and peter's like#TEE HEE OKAY JESUS i will come fish men with you.#which......okay....simon....... interesting that u wanted to do that..... with zero context....#and then cue weird thing with magdalene. which. they don't end up together by Any Means.#they hate each other. they have not spoken in a civil manner once. but they do have a weird bond between them than only aromantic people#can understand.#WHICH BTW i already knew there's a thin line between polyamory and aromanticism. but it really showed when while trying to#explore how peter experiences polyromanticism i found myself projecting a lot of my own aromanticism on him#(is polyromantic a correct term? i'm not sure these terms really confuse me especially considering the time period cause like. polyamorous#describes a relationship with multiple people which peter obviously wasn't in in 30 AD. but he Did have romantic feelings for multiple#people so is that polyromanticism? or is that a completely different term? idk. bare with me.)#very interesting. anyways yeah there's that. magdalene is aro also to me. so yeah this is one of the most fun dymanics i have in this lore#cause like. polyromantic person and aromantic person somehow having the same mutual not platonic not romantic but a secret third thing#connection with each other. i love thinking about them
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whew haha
#🗒#my mom is like 'ok it's set let's tell everyone' and im like 😭😭😭😭 !!!!!#are u sure!!!! are u sure it's set like ???? 😭😭😭#ughhhhhh after this much trust i will literally kill myself if i dont get ANY scholarship lmaooooo#but also like. is it set now!!!! really !!!!!!! is it !!!!!#(excited but horrified and anxious)#like. like like like........ like i mean#um........ for real now? like are we sure for sure ??#i honestly will be like 100% on my way to [redacted] and still be like haha. is it for real#are we sure . will this actually happen#that's. crazy man#i cant help but feel like im asking for too much again. ughhhhhhh#yes hello hi. this blog has been my main outlet for emotional breakdowns about the same subject for um#(checks notes) a few months now. truly is anyone else bored of this ? because im so over it#but also like. things just dont get clear !!!!!! ever !!!!!#how can i be sure how can anyone be sure that i will actually be going lmfaooooo#i hate this waiting period i hate it why cant i know if i got anything or nah. but please don't say nah#ughhhhhh . alright. whatever it's not like i care that much honestly -_-#(threatens to kill self every day a few times over this btw)#anyway um let's. be positive#it will go great tomorrow 🤩 they will want to give me money sooooo bad 😍#and i will receive an email this week 🤗 about the wait list thing for SURE 🥳#i am doing amazing dont worry guys. im sooooo chill rn#Sorry for the constant embarrassing personal posts lol
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https://www.tumblr.com/heehoonies/759954296238456832/okay-i-just-finished-under-the-table-but-arent
hi! i honestly felt the same way with anon too and after knowing that you’re actually writing an alt scene/ending i think it would just make more sense if you made your readers felt like that so no biggie!
it was a great story i love how down bad reader is for jake and jake being freaky in bed 🙂↕️but yeah everything is perfect and more perfect with the way how it ended with jake and y/n 😍
ahhh thank you for the explanation, i am just apparently.. protective over utt hyung line lol
but i suppose you're right! the alt endings are basically where y/n doesn't accept jake's apology and she goes to either hee jay or hoon for help/comfort/whatever else and they fuck her brains out 😵💫 (they each get an alt ending bc i rly enjoyed how i wrote each of them)
but yeah. ehehe thank you for loving jakeyn, she's so down bad for him it's crazy. and i also love how freaky in bed i made him, it was gonna be more but ik their relationship was very new so i had to reel it in lol. thank you anon 🥺❤️
#maybe it's bc my period is coming#but the other ask made me sad to think about y'all hating heejayhoon in utt :(#they're meant to kinda be friends with y/n and watch over her whenever wonyoung isn't at the parties with her#i actually almost included a line where jake goes “now stop calling my girlfriend 'pretty' or i'll fuck u up” basically#but i took it out bc i figured with the way i characterized the other three boys that they'd know the boundaries#and rly dial it back without being asked to protect jakeyn's relationship#bc they love them both :( and they know their personalities can be a lot#and it isn't exactly appropriate to call a woman in a relationship pretty or angel#anyway#i miss them#i don't have much inspo to write their alt endings rn but. they're coming i promise#eventually#anonymous#asks
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#on top of stress related crash i am now experiencing the fountain of blood completely unexpectedly and rudely#at least it will miss the holiday now?#I'm so sorry but if you're one of those people who gets more of an appetite on your period i hate u#depending on the month i get 2 to 4 days of all food sounds gross and if i actually eat im so sick and uncomfortable#so i can't even have a little treat as a morale booster 😭#anyway massive tmi/no one cares but im sooo. ouchy and sulky#its fine i will watch an anime instead
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u "don't vote" motherfuckers r stupid as shit
#like yes obviously voting is not enough we all know this we are not five#but would u rather fight joe biden (half dead zionist freak) or Mr. Actively Wants To Be A Dictator and his merry goons#y'all r just dumb as rocks#and you come on to every single post on this website to say it too ha ha everyone make sure the dictator has your team colors!!!#as if that is the only reason people might have for trying to get you to vote#voting doesn't make you complicit in the government's actions because they will happen either way#literal trolley problem and you brain titans think the solution is to just say be edward cullen and stand in front of the trolley#but y'all aren't superheroes or epic vampires y'all are squishy citizens like the rest of us so its best to make the trolley easier to stop#+ half of y'all don't actually do anything to oppose the government so lol just shut up and fuck off some of us are trying to do something#and that is to say nothing of downballot races which are DIRECTLY impacting communities#and telling people not to vote period all but ensures those will fail and vulnerable communities will get fucked#all so you can tell yourself ur a special epic politics angel like just fuck off#this is coming from someone who voted green in the last election like i was there i was with y'all stupid asses#but with the way things have developed since it is completely ignorant to try and force the greens to 5% or something#that's not the system we are in#regardless all you have to do to make the battlefield more favorable is take a few hours to vote and shut up#very small price to pay to have an easier time actually advocating and making the necessary changes to stop this backslide#anyway whatever i just hate you guys i think you're stupid#no better to me than Qanoners who think they're the enlightened political masters of the universe#AND what's more every time you guys say don't vote you NEVER follow up with what people SHOULD do not once have i seen it#like at least do that at least have a real plan but y'all don't cuz as mentioned ur dumb as rocks#ok im done being angry have a good day gamers
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#periodical life updates#WAUGH. HOW DARE U ASSIGN ME 24 PAGES FROM THE TEXTBOOK. I TOSSA YOU AT A WALL LIKEA SPAGHETTI.#*reads it anyway* -_-#urghghgh i HATE THIS i hate textbook. i hate academic reading it is the most boring sht. even if the topic is interesting the ADHD is fcked#struggling to comprehend sociology jargon while my brain is actively recoiling. i should get a fckign award for being forced to do this.#almost done. almost done. using this as a space to complain when i can't fcking take it anymore. then i go back to reading for a while.#RAAAUGHHHH. OKAY IM FCKIGNG DONE. the ending was not read thoroughly but WHPO FCKIGNG CARE ITS JUST REITERATION#DOES A LITTLE SCREAM!!!! gotta print out my notes (BECAUSE OF COURSE WE'RE ALSO FORCED TO TAKE NOTES)#and turn them in during class (<- ABSURD. FCK YOU!! WHY DO YOU WANT THEM)#anyway.i got an hour til class starts. i did some sign language practice and i might either do homework or draw the eca for today#im sleepy tired. i want to go home u-u alas.#dunno if i'll get a treatsie today. i deserve one but we have food at home#maybe another day.
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i don't wanna downplay how lucky I am wrt to racism (even tho I look Asian I'm fairly pale and live in a fairly liberal area so I rarely if ever deal with real life racism) but like. Sometimes sinophobia really fucks me up. And I'm not even a real target most of the time (a lot of it is racism AND xenophobia bc it's directed toward Chinese ppl In China, plus. Half white) but god sometimes it just knocks the wind out of me
#I kinda think it's because like. I am conscious of how I benefit from colorism and living in an area where I'm not confronted with overt#Racism irl that I like. I feel like I understand where I am and then someone online comes on to remind me that actually#People still fucking hate ppl like me and consider us fucking. Subhuman#From. Least bad to worst is the fucking anon hate I got which was AGGRESSIVELY sinophobic to the point it was hilarious#(like. Hi. What are u trying to accomplish) second is the fucking. Smiths lead singer subspecies comment#(like. That's just one of his Racisms but it came out of fucking left field. Not the most upsetting but WILD). third is fuckin. Mmmm#The last post I reblogged I'm glad the poster talked about it so it's not anything against them but still it really hurt to see the kinda#Shit other ppl say y'know? 4. Is ''terrifying evidence of her being chinese'' or whatever the AO3 sinophobes said#About a woman who. Just wanted them to stop having shit that was fucking immoral in every dimension. Like genuinely that fucked me up and#It's one of the things that still just. Hurts every now and again#And number 5 is uh. Mostly ranked for reaction at the time someone responding to the ''place/place Japan/place China'' meme by saying some#Shit like. ''japan has anime and china has a dude who ate a baby'' (it was a 6 mo fetus allegedly and honestly probably a prop which is why#It's a lot less upsetting now) but genuinely seeing that really fucked w my mental health for a period of time. Anyway goodbye 👋#I'm going to think about characters now love y'all 💟
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they could make a lesbian fight club + superbad (= bottoms) but they couldn’t really make a lesbian ferris bueller’s day off. ferris bueller just has to exist as vague homoerotic queerbait in which the characters will never act upon their desires if they are to realize them at all + such desires are only visible to a select portion of viewers that have been oversaturated and turned off by excess annoying queer media and revert back to the classics does this make sense
#someone prove me WRONG.#edit butch ferris bueller with straight bisexual girlfriend (sloane) we like her + butch4butch cameron. @emma seligman get in on this#put them in san francisco instead of LA they skip school to go to the dyke bar#deftones plays instead of dream academy at the art museum scene#ruby cruz has a role#everything else 80s maybe 90s because i like the music generally ambiguous time period#no phones and they’ve never heard of lex/her sorry. also i want them older not in high school but u can’t really do a ferris bueller remake#that isn’t set in high school. hmm. like in the way euphoria should definitely be in college#but then again bottoms is high school UGH.#Cameron isn’t depressed for no reason hes like yearning for ferris it’s kind of ambiguous but we know.#but he’s also generally tortured and haunted and depressed anyway#umm shot on 35mm because i hate digital films usually.. and scope sometimes
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